#idek how many people remember it *happened* to me

[ourceliumnetwork]

meds: taken ribs: sore bed: set up for as close to success as i can possibly get in the physical realm.

i'm going to cry for unrelated reasons and then probably this afterwards. i told myself today was for processing and boy oh boy are we apparently going to do that i guess. hhhh

[cupidkenji]

killshot, baby

Pairing: Aaron Hotch x Doctor!Fem!reader Cw: Fluff (for real this time), LONGING (this is literally 9k words of pure yearning idek how I did that), mentions of blood, Hotch gets shot, Jack being adorable, Jack gets injured too :(, no explicit age gap, this is just rlly cute idk it's sweet I love Hotch so much I need him Summary: When you get hired as the BAU's stand-by medic, the team leader ends up being the hardest part of your job. Disclaimer: Reader is chubby! She's always fat coded, but like usual she's not described here. Just know a chubby person was imagined when writing this <3 WC: 9k (Hotch is the love of my life I could go on about him forever) This is definitely not medically accurate, please just enjoy for the sake of the story. I LOVE HOTCH I WANNA SMOOCH HIM

As weird as it was, band aids were the thing you remembered most from your childhood. You grew up as a canvas for any sort of scrape, cut, or bruise. Any wound that made your parents feel mildly worried to utterly terrified were ones that decorated your body frequently. You never tried to assign any meaning to why you became a doctor, simply crediting it as your call to the profession - to people. If you had to, though, your consistently bruised adolescent body is the best root cause you could think of. It seemed only right that the kid who couldn’t keep her skin in tact would grow to love helping others. You liked to think that’s how you kept your head an average size. Your bosses and co-workers had raved about your abilities no matter the job you took, and after a while you had to start prioritizing keeping your humility. You had started as just a kid with bruises. 

You tended to ground yourself with those same memories in times like this. For as long as you’d worked in the hospital, you held some disdain for agents. You saw many federal ones, being so close to the HQ for divisions like Behavioral Analysis, but some locals swung by too. You’d had far too many experiences of them being snappy, demanding, and usually inconsiderate to the team of people trying to save someone. You understood the individuals you were committed to helping often got there by doing monstrous things, but demanding to talk to someone when they were bleeding out and half-conscious always forced your tongue between your teeth in an effort to stay respectful. Especially now, pushing a stretcher with 3 other workers while trying to shake off the feds trailing after him. You recognized them, Agents Rossi and Hotchner, if you remembered correctly. 

“We’ll need to talk to him immediately.” The man - Rossi, you assumed, seeing as he was going gray and had less of a charge fueling his steps - spoke quickly as the two men followed your team.

“Be here when he’s out of surgery.” You didn’t bother to look back, trying to convey your annoyance and praying they got the hint. 

“He’s killed three women and has another one hostage. We don’t have time.” The other one piped up, easily keeping pace with you.

Abandoning your previous strategy, you let your team push the man into the operating room, shutting the door behind them and whipping around to face the duo. “I understand that, sir, believe me.” You were more elevated than you would have liked, years of unease unfortunately slipping through your efforts to withhold them. “But whatever happened when you found him left him barely breathing. You can’t speak to a corpse. You’ll have your time when he’s stable. Go do your job and let me do mine.” You tensed your calves planning to turn around, but quickly felt the guilt catch up to you. “I’ll call you if he wakes up.”

“If?” 

You sighed. You hated profilers. “I’ll call you.” 

“Call the headquarters.” He was scribbling down a number on the back of a hospital business card. “Ask for Agent Hotch. We’ll be waiting.” You nodded your head once, taking the card from his hands. He started walking away as he thanked you. “We appreciate it.” Sure.

–

The surgery to save the man had been a trip and half. One of the bullets had internally ricocheted, and the other two were lodged next to crucial arteries. You praised your mother for giving you steady hands as you inched them out of him. It took you and your team six hours and fifteen minutes to get his heartbeat steady, you estimated he’d be knocked out all night. You should call, you thought. You had no idea how late these people worked but they were more than likely expecting to talk tonight and you didn’t know if that’d be possible. You fished the card out of your pocket, his handwriting was impressively neat for how fast he’d written the number. You heard the line ring twice before someone picked up. 

“This is Penelope Garcia with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, who am I speaking to?”

“Uh- I’m Dr. L/n down at Quantico Med. I’m looking for Agent Hotch?” Your words tilted up at the end of your sentence. The casual nature of his shortened name left a weird feeling in your mouth after you said it. “I have an update on a patient he was asking after.”

“Is this about an unsub?” 

“A what?” She lacked professionalism. You wondered briefly if he had just given you the phone number of an employee.

“I’m sorry-” she laughed slightly. “Is this about a suspect? Hotch told me someone might be calling.”

“Um - yeah it’s about a suspect. He was brought in earlier. Is Agent Hotch there? I’m sorry ma’am but I've been in an operating room for the past 6 hours and I want to go home.” You hoped she’d respect your honesty, you really didn’t have the patience to explain yourself to someone new. 

She chuckled. “I got you honey, I’ll page you over.” The line went dead for a second before the ringing resumed. Please be quick, you prayed, get me out of this fucking hospital.

“Hotchner.” His voice was rougher over the phone. You guessed the long hours started to weigh on him by this time of night. You always felt it the most around this time, too.

“Hi, sir. This is Dr. L/n from the hospital. We managed to stabilize your guy, but it’s unlikely he’ll be up before tomorrow. I know it was assumed he’d be awake tonight but it took longer to operate than expected.” Your guys put 3 bullets in him, so sorry for the inconvenience. “I’ll be here all day tomorrow. You can come by at any time and I’ll let you in.”

“Are you positive we can’t talk to him tonight? I understand the situation is difficult but this case is extremely time sensitive. I’m sure that’s not lost on you.” You cursed the man for not being more condescending in his delivery. Thinking of the poor person either trapped or dead right now due to the guy you just saved made you sick. 

“I know.” Fucking hell. “I can wake him up.” A quarter dose of adrenaline works wonders. “Be here in fifteen minutes. You won’t have much time to talk to him.”

“Thank you.” He hung up. You put your head in your hands. Just a little kid with bruises.

– 

The layout of the BAU made you envious of the workers here. You’re sure they’d dealt with atrocities beyond what the average person could stomach, but you also worked within the belly of the beast and man were those hospital hallways claustrophobic. The daylight shone beautifully through the large windows, and you asked yourself if you’d be able to cope with all the paperwork in exchange for a feel like this. There weren’t any front desks, nowhere to sign in, so you sat in one of the chairs by the door and waited to see if something would happen. You had been specifically requested to visit the building , a note signed ‘Strauss’ being left with the hospital secretary. You didn’t like being called on by a stranger, it made you nervous beyond belief. You’re sure anyone walking by assumed you were being charged with something. Sweating like a sinner in church.

“Dr. L/n?” A woman was standing near you, having completely avoided your eyesight until now. “I’m the board supervisor, Erin Strauss. Thank you for coming.” The woman was nice enough, but she seemed rigid, clearly confident in her authority. She led you to her office and gestured to the chair facing her desk.

“I’ll cut right to the chase.” She smoothed her pencil skirt as she sat down. “The BAU is seeking a stand-by medic and I’d like to offer you the position. You’re revered highly by your previous places of employment and your current boss has only good things to say. Along with a personal reference by an employee of mine, you’re certainly a person of interest. You’d be working interchangeably with three other individuals, however you would be the first one called when needed.”

That is definitely not what you were expecting. You were almost immediately ready to turn down the offer. You didn’t work well with cops. You worked well in a hospital, going into the field to patch the wounds of both good and evil was a less than appealing deal to you. 

“You’d be on call while you worked your current position at Quantico Medical, when you’re at home you can remain there, but you’ll be flying with the rest of the team when they leave. You will be entered into a federal database, and employed as a stand-in for hospitals near you when working abroad.” She went on to explain you’d be paid salary, and when you heard just how much you could add to your monthly income by doing this, you took it. You were doing fine, you definitely didn’t need the financial boost, but you had family that could use it. Your niece had been close to turning down college because of the cost, so some extra money could really set her up. 

“Excellent. You’ll start your field training next Monday.” She was shuffling papers into a hefty stack as she talked. “Come back when you’ve finished this and I’ll arrange a team meeting.” The stack was even heavier than you expected when you picked it up. It was far too early to be regretting your decision. 

–

The first day of training had been easy enough. You weren’t an agent, so you avoided having to learn weapons or combat. It generally consisted of learning efficiency, along with how to work properly with agents and the expected etiquette when dealing with an unsub. You had met the team only once by now. Everyone had been nice - Garcia especially - but aside from her nobody had been particularly welcoming. The conditions of your job were a bit strange, basically capitalizing on the what ifs that came with the FBI title, and that created a bit of distance between you and the rest of the team. They questioned the necessity of you, they’d survived this long without a stand-by medic with them, why did they need one now?

Above any disregard for those in law enforcement sat your stubbornness. You knew they were on the fence about you, the most logical thing for you to do now would be attend every session required of you and prove yourself through pure accomplishment. Easy in theory, much harder to execute when Aaron Hotch is the one you’re learning from. He was a good teacher - you’d give him that - he had a confidence to him that easily dominated a room, attracted eyes in a way other men couldn’t manage. You’d ignored the initial stir in your stomach when meeting him in favor of attempting to scold him and his partner. Now, it was much harder to quell the slight pound in your head or the sweat on your palms. He was just standing up front, lecturing on the importance of a team, but his attire was the only thing able to break through the haze in your mind. Every time he’d shown up at the hospital, he’d donned a suit, a slightly baggy blazer worked incredibly well as a shield to your curiosity. That had clearly changed, as he shed the overcoat when talking to the class, having just a white button up adorn his torso. You took notice of the rolled up sleeves, clearing your throat quietly to snap yourself back into focus. You had the intention of snuffing out this little thing of yours but were a living contradiction at this point, setting on the goal of avoidance while barely ignoring the sight of the veins on his arms. You pondered the thought of sleeping with some man at a bar just to get this out of your system, but remembered how little projecting attraction onto someone else helps a situation. In other words, you were probably fucked.

– 

The first mission you worked with the team had you flying to a tiny Georgia town to investigate a string of bodies being found in ransacked homes. It seemed to be a simple motive, robbery turned to murder, but the team was called down to help once the kill count hit five. You had been expecting a long commercial flight, figuring you’d need to invest in a good neck pillow and some aspirin. Nobody had bothered to inform you the Bureau utilized private air travel, or that you’d be flying in one with people you’d known for two weeks. You’re sure you looked a little out of place, looking around the plane without being obvious you were doing it and adjusting to the sight of couches on planes. The others, having had this privilege for years now, took their respective seats. You had been nervous about that, unfortunately. The unsure feeling of where to sit reminding you painfully of high school cafeterias and inferior reputations. The only open seat happened to be right next to the man you’d been ducking away from the past two weeks. Lovely. He took a moment to look at you when you sat. You were prepared to talk to him, but for now you busied yourself with rummaging through your bag looking for nothing and pretending not to see him in your peripherals.

“Do you get sick on planes?” He seemed to have a deeper motive when he asked, like you saying yes would solve a puzzle in his head.

“Not really.” You’d only been on a plane a handful of times. “Turbulence can make me nervous, but I think that’s fairly normal.” You thought momentarily that perhaps he would blame your obvious anxiety on that instead of his proximity to you. He was a profiler, you’re sure he picked up on tells for nerves you weren’t even aware you had, but maybe he’d write it off. “Why do you ask?”

“You seem…” He trailed off for a moment, looking over your face to try and categorize your expression. “I don’t know, lost?” He smiled, light and easy, and you realized he was trying to reach out to you. The comfortability in the gesture made your head spin. It was like a shot of morphine, enveloping your body in a dull elation - an escape. You wanted that comfortability, wanted him to feel weightless around you. There had been a certain tension between the two of you since you started. He was warmer than the rest, but also more awkward. Your first real interaction had been an outburst, and it left you hesitant to talk to him. 

You chuckled at his remark. “No I -” You shook your head as you spoke, as if shaking off his accusation. “Nobody told me about the jet. You’d think exclusive aircraft would be in the job predecessor.”

He nodded in agreement, holding a slight upturn on his lips. “Yes, you would.” He glances away to check the time, looking back to you quickly like you were his homebase. “Strauss has a habit of getting ahead of herself. Plus, we’re all pretty used to it by now. I have to remind her sometimes that normal provisions don’t have a TI.”

“I’m sure.” It was clear she’d worked with the unit for a while. “Even if they did, though, they’d never find another Garcia.” You thought of the woman, bright and sparkly and incredibly good at her job. “You guys are lucky to have her.”

He stared at you, losing a hint of the lightheartedness and letting a wave of genuinity intertwine with it. “You have her too, Y/n.” His eyes were like a trap, rich pools of honey just begging to tug you down in. “You’re a member of this team. Don’t think your newness makes you inferior to anyone else on it. We’re lucky to have you too.”

Fuck, you were whipped. “I really appreciate that, sir.”

He smiled, shaking his head and waving you off. “Don’t with the sir, please. It’s bad enough when Garcia does it. You can call me Aaron.” Not even the other team members called him that, a thought that seemed to strike you both simultaneously. “Or Hotch, whatever you prefer.”

You just looked at him, letting a smile rouse your lips and trying your hardest not to let the effect he had on you reach your face. “Ok.”

–

The first case had been good training wheels, simply tending to a vic who needed stitches and getting a feel for the life of a field agent. You’d been adjusting nicely to it, quickly getting used to working random hospitals and waiting to be needed on an active crime scene. The others had warmed up to you tremendously after getting back, opening their circle for one more, and you couldn’t be more grateful. A team like this was something you’d wanted for a while, growing more and more unsatisfied with the callous ER workspace by the day. Ironically, there was much more life in jobs dealing with murder. He had also been warming up to you. The two of you hit the status of work-place friends nearly instantly. The endearing encounter on the plane simmered inside you for a while. The memory of it prompting you to keep talking to him, always searching for a fix of the painkiller you’d felt that day. 

You weren’t a profiler, but you were unfathomably infatuated, leading you to never miss his tone getting softer with you, or any one of his touches that lingered for just a second too long. It just barely bypassed the line of friendship, but you never lost sight of that linear barrier, so it was incredibly prevalent to you when he breached it. You scoffed at the idea of any reciprocity, brushing off every remark made by a coworker or the one horrific time you heard JJ refer to the two of you as ‘mom and dad.’ This wasn’t a plausible thing. This was a stupid workplace crush that was more of a hindrance than anything. The growing closeness between you and him would have it’s effects properly restrained to the confines of your head, only permitted to express themselves once you were away from the man. It was an odd dynamic, but Aaron wasn’t an obvious guy, so trying to define the edges of you two would only draw attention to the fact you had been looking at all. No thank you.

“Shit.” The team was sitting around the table going over their files. You were mainly there for support, as you were never a part of the lead up to the catch, the chase. You heard Hotch mumble the exclamation under his breath and looked over to see the trouble. He was looking down at his phone, jaw resting between his thumb and pointer finger. You got up and moved to sit next to him, the motion virtually ignored by everyone else as they continued searching for connections.

“Everything ok?” You mumbled to him, trying not to disturb your friends who were nearly nose-deep in their files. 

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Jack’s sitter canceled. I wanted to stay here to go over the latest crime scene but I guess I’ll have to raincheck.” The killings of your latest unsub had been increasing. You knew the collective stress that was starting to boil within the team. Him going home would only slow them down, a horrible addition to a killer that was speeding up. 

You volunteered your night away before you even got a chance to think about it. 

“I can watch him.” 

Surprise was apparent in the raise of his eyebrows. “I appreciate it, but I couldn’t ask that of you.

You’re fairly certain you would do anything he asked of you, but the nobility of the man in this case almost made you roll your eyes. “No, please. I offered and I would love to. I’m not helping anyone just sitting here, and you leaving would slow them down. You know what to look for here, I don’t. I don’t want another girl going missing just cause your sitter flaked. I can do it.”

He seemed mildly speechless. “I -” He paused, trying to find the wording he wanted. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll send you the address, if you’re sure.” He looked at you with more adoration than you’d ever had directed at you, so intense your eyes instinctively ducked down. “Thank you, Y/n.” He was so touched by the action it made you slightly sad to think about. Had no one ever helped him? Maybe you were raised weird, this seemed hardly beyond common decency to you. 

“What are friends for?” He exhaled a slight laugh in gratuitous agreement, but you saw the glimmer of his eyes dull slightly. The notion surely reflected in your own eyes as the words burned your tongue. Friends.

–

Jack was a delight. A well mannered, clearly well raised kid. Parts of his dad shined so vibrantly in him that you’re sure you’d be able to pick him out of a crowd based on mannerisms alone. Hotch had called Jack’s daycare, verifying your identity and giving you the ok to go pick him up. He seemed quiet on the way home, but rushed to give you a tour of the house, and excitedly led you to his line up of toy trains once you’d entered the place. There was a shift between you and Hotch that happened when you gave the offer. A shift that was now only just settling in you. This was his house. His space, his stuff, his place of security. He’d invited you into it, gave you permission to enter it, to exist within it, and it was strangely intoxicating. He was intoxicating, and you realized quickly how much you ached for the permanence of it. You’d made Jack dinner, played for a bit, went out for ice cream per his pleading, and wished him a peaceful goodnight when his bedtime rolled around. He’d dubbed you his ‘best babysitter ever’ and you knew as soon as the words hit your ears that you’d be watching him again. You’re sure situations like today popped up frequently for Hotch, you could be a valuable asset to him when you had free time. He would be saving money too. No need to pay a sitter when you were being paid by the Bureau every second you were there. Aaron had gotten home a few minutes past one, utterly exhausted and uncharacteristically apologetic. He was sorry for being gone so long, making you stay so late, everything and anything the man could apologize for was pouring out of his mouth. He’d welcomed you to stay, but his hair was messy from messing with it all night, and he’d ditched the suit jacket for a gray long sleeve. You’d wanted to take the opportunity, wanted to bask in the safety of him for as long as he’d allow it, but those restrained thoughts were clawing the walls of your skull with a vigor unlike anything you’d felt before. It would be abhorrent to dream about the man while in the confines of his home. You couldn’t do that - you wouldn’t. You brushed off any apology he could conjure and let him escort you out the door. His hand was on your lower back, and his voice was low from the siphoning nature of the day. 

“Thank you, again.” He looked at you. “You’re a lifesaver.” You’d expected to hear some humor in his voice. The start of banter between friends, a casual appreciation for a job well done, but there wasn’t any. He sounded rough, slightly beat down, his eyes filled with a sincerity all aimed at you. A blend of pure adoration and a deeper level of dedication. Was this a commitment? What kind?

Heat bubbled in your stomach as you made eye contact. “Please.” You shook your head slightly. “Jack’s an angel. You’re clearly as good at this as you are profiling.” You nodded in the vague direction of Jack’s bedroom as you referenced the kid. “It was my pleasure. I’d love to do it again, if you’ll let me.” 

He sighed out a small laugh and broke your gaze for a moment, looking back to you as he spoke. “I’d like that.”

–

You’d seen Jack a multitude of times after that. Aaron was never particularly fond of asking you, claiming that he appreciated the gesture but it was mainly Jack’s begging that made him cave. That, and your persistence. You liked Jack a lot, and more selfishly, you liked being around Aaron’s stuff. It was a little creepy, yes, but you felt better acquainted with him after being around his things. An energetic type of understanding, the type that deepened a connection without words. He was needed late tonight, and as much as you hated denying an offer to see Jack, you had priorities at the hospital. The previous sitter wasn’t able to watch him, so she gave a personal recommendation, and Jack got stuck with a stranger. You thought about him while working, probing and patching people half-focused with the desire to be elsewhere. You’d felt mildly guilty about it, but it’s not like it altered your work, so you figured it was harmless. 

You wondered slightly if you manifested the event you were watching play out. You watched in pure disbelief as a sobbing Jack was being carried into the ER by a flustered blonde woman. There was blood staining the right sleeve of his shirt, pouring out of his skin in a surplus and completely soaking through the material. A jagged piece of glass was standing at attention in his wrist, having sliced through the fabric like butter. He was marked ‘urgent,’ who knows if the shard had hit an artery or where the glass had come from. 

Most other doctors were busy, either operating or tending to patients. You’d walked to the front desk, remaining as calm as your racing heart would let you, and told the secretary to assign the case to you. “I know this one. Let me take him.” She just nodded, marking your name down as the primary doctor and allowing you to take him back. 

Walking up to the blonde woman, you assumed this had been the new babysitter. She was a wreck, trying to explain what happened through her own hysteria while simultaneously having her words drowned out by the crying child. “It’s ok, ma’am.” You’d reassured her, obviously she hadn’t intended the injury. “Let me take him, I’m a friend of his father.” You saw the calmness dilate her eyes, making itself apparent in the relaxation of her tense shoulders. You removed the bleeding boy from her arms, holding him against you and cooing at him the way you would a baby. You took him to a stretcher a few feet away and laid him down, ensuring his wounded arm stayed flat in an attempt to slow the blood. He was on the brink of passing out, his body not having nearly enough energy for the sobbing on top of losing vital fluid. “Jack.” You addressed him directly, two more doctors aiding your transfer to an examination room. “I need you to stay with me, buddy. Just a little longer, I promise. You’re gonna be just fine.” You pushed with one hand, caressing his non-injured arm to emphasize your affection. “Just a little longer.” You looked at him in between looking forward to keep the stretcher straight, seeing that same adoration from his father’s eyes mirrored in his. You felt protective, realizing you cared for the Hotchners much more than you let yourself believe. Little kid with bruises, you skimmed through your origins in your mind in an attempt to center your focus. Just a little kid with bruises.

Two hours later, Jack was stitched up and sleeping soundly. You knew his sitter had called Hotch, probably as soon as something happened, and were not surprised to find him idle in a waiting room chair. He was leaned forward, head in his hands and knee bouncing violently. He heard footsteps getting closer, a feeling within him recognizing them as yours, and he looked up. His eyes were teary, tired. The look of a concerned father.

“How is he?” You’d never witnessed this type of worry in him, heard the amount of desperation in his voice.

You smiled lightly as a predecessor to Jack’s wellbeing. “He’s fine. Glass missed his arteries. We had him patched up in around an hour and a half. Gave him a lollipop and a light sedative to get him to rest. He should be all set to go in the morning.” 

He sighed, and the amount of stress that audibly left his body made you feel a little lighter from where you stood. “Thank God.”

“Hey man, give us a little credit.” You joked, relieved when you heard the slight laugh come from his downturned head. Pity laugh, probably, but it was a cherished sound nonetheless. 

“You have full credit, Y/n.” He shook his head, raising it to look at you. “Quite the hero.”

You almost physically recoiled from the term, rushing to correct him while maintaining the lighthearted nature. “Definitely not.” You rejected the praise. “Just doing my job. I’m glad I could help him.”

He leaned back in his chair, relaxing for a second before he planned to stand up. “Noble.” He chuckled. “But you helped my son. That’s about as heroic as it gets to me, doc.”

Blood rushed to your ears at your professional title being used so affectionately. “Go check on your kid, Hotch.” You waved back towards the direction of Jack, knowing that even though he was asleep, he’d want to see him anyway. You also hoped the slight distraction would draw his attention away from your increasingly flustered state. “You’ll have plenty of time to praise me.” You weren’t entirely sure you’d wanted the sentence to exit your mouth, but it was too late to bite your tongue.

He raised his eyebrows so slightly that you scolded yourself for having noticed. Such a minuscule action that seemed to move mountains within your brain. “Oh?”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes at your own remark. “I’m walking away. You know what I meant.”

“Mhm.” He smiled, nodding his head dramatically and rising from his seat. “Just name a time and place, doc. I’ll do good on that promise.”

You went momentarily braindead, hoping your eyes weren’t giving away the less than work appropriate feeling pumping through your veins. You stared baffled at him for what was definitely a millisecond too long before giving a half-shocked, half-flattered laugh and gesturing him away. “Say that when you’re not obviously sleep deprived and delirious and maybe we can arrange it.” The last thing you heard was him, laughing the way you do when you’re very serious but desperately trying to pass it off as a joke. You knew it well, having done it almost every time you were around him since you started. Comfortable, witty retorts between  friends. “Have a good night, Aaron.” 

Aaron, he thought. He’d remember that.

– 

That had been the second shift between the two of you. Felt immediately by both parties and tossing you both into the deep end of whatever you’d been building with him. He’d been much more touchy, seemingly subconscious on his part but noticed by every part of your body, mind, and soul. You thought about what it could mean, then sunk even further into your incoherent mind when realizing just how subconscious the actions really were. He was just drawn to you. You had viscerally fought that conclusion as it came to you but it genuinely could not be anything else. He was touching you more because - whether on the surface or deeper down - he just wanted to, and that fact was wrecking you. You were so fucking into him that it hurt. Hurt to look at him or be in his home watching Jack or have his knee pressed against yours in the back of car during a team outing. It all hurt because he wasn’t yours. He seemed into you, too. Of course, you didn’t know to what extent. You worried maybe he hadn’t said anything yet because he simply didn’t like you enough, and that hurt more than any other factor. It was a foolish notion - one you would have abandoned instantly had you peeked inside his head - but alas, no such luck.

He’d been more relaxed, too. The two of you reaching a point in your relationship you hadn’t ever let yourself dream about. He was funny, achieving that lightness around you that you’d wanted from the start. He’d gotten riskier, amping up the dial on his remarks a bit. Starting with those like the hospital, ending with ones that made you have to take a breather in the room where they kept the coffee. It hadn’t gone unnoticed, per say, but the others were certainly ignorant to the true depth of the change. You simply couldn’t measure it by witnessing, you had to feel it. And fuck were you feeling it. 

A week or so after Jack’s ER visit, you’d asked after him. You didn’t know if the regret was immediate, but it flooded through you quickly. Aaron got nervous, shifty, like you’d touched a live wire of his and he now had to patch it up before it blew. You got concerned, asking if something happened with his stitches or if Jack was now showing some sort of trauma response to the event. Was that even plausible? You weren’t sure, PTSD wasn’t exactly your strong suit. However, he quickly stated that wasn’t the case, noting that Jack was actually in perfect health and had been relentless about wanting you over for dinner.

“He’s grateful.” Hotch was smiling with paternal reluctance, proud of his son for having such good morals but also uncomfortable with the possibility of rejection he was facing. “He wants to see you, say thank you for “saving his life.” He emphasized the last bit in a sarcastic tone, both of you knowing his life hadn’t been in danger but also knowing that fact wouldn’t deter the boy from considering you some type of guardian angel. “Would you be up for it?” If you hadn’t been so focused on snuffing out the heat rushing to your face, you would have seen that same heat reflected in a slight pink across his cheeks. 

“Definitely.” You smiled at the thought of the boy bugging his dad about getting you to the house. “When were you thinking?”

“Saturday night?” Both of you were scheduled to be off that day, and you found yourself begging whatever merciful being would listen to not have some lead to chase that day. “He’ll want the day to prepare.” He chuckled.

“Oh no.” You joked. Prepare? You couldn’t even begin to imagine what that meant. “Well, I am extremely curious to find out what an eight year old boy has to prepare for. How about seven? Would that be good?”

Aaron felt his palms start to sweat. He’d never actually been around his house when you’d been there, only seeing you on your way out. “That’s perfect.”

“Great.” You smiled, checking the time and realizing you needed to get going to the hospital. “I’m looking forward to it.” You nodded slightly as one last confirmation and headed out, suppressing a giddy smile while trying to force yourself into a headspace you could work in. 

In the meantime, Aaron watched you walk off from where he’d been perched on your desk, entirely oblivious to the man watching the scene.

“As I live and breathe.” Rossi had crept up on him, not spooking him but rather suspending him in a state of immeasurable embarrassment. “Aaron Hotcher has a crush.” The man held his shoulder, patting him there like a father witnessing his son get his first girlfriend. “She’s a good one. Quite the eye you got, Aaron.” Then he was gone, walking away with Aaron’s dignity clasped in his hands. Closing his eyes in pure mortification, Hotch simply thanked God that nobody else was around for that and walked away with the intention of fusing to his office chair to avoid ever looking at Rossi again. At least you’d said yes, he thought. He didn’t know how he’d cope with his friend watching him swing and miss.

–

The daylight seemed to be anticipating this more than you were, hours passing by like minutes until eventually the sun woke you up on Saturday morning. It was blazing through the cracks in your blinds, settling in slim lines across your floor, as light and gentle as snow. You’d been rehearsing your poker face in preparation for tonight. Writing safety manuals for any ungodly situation that could happen, everything from a fire to Aaron gaining the ability to read your mind and unearthing what you really thought about him. You were so happy that Jack held you in such high esteem, but your hands were shaking at the thought of sitting down with him and his father and acting like it wasn’t the dynamic you fucking dreamt about. You knew it was a good sign of compatibility if someone’s cat liked you - did their child liking you mean the same thing? You hoped Jack’s seemingly innate approval of you gave you at least a couple brownie points. Aaron had called you a hero. Swiftly ignoring the memory of what he’d said after he called you a hero, you pulled out your phone. You and him didn’t really speak outside of work and babysitting schedules, but you were pacing around your room and needed something to give you a semblance of structure, a reassurance - even if it was just for the time. You texted, asking if you were still on for tonight, then went to go make breakfast and inevitably pace some more. He’d gotten back to you about twenty minutes later, confirming the time and giving details of how excited Jack was about it. You smiled at that, praying tonight would be as smooth as humanly possible and you could walk away with an ounce of emotional control. You set an intention, this wouldn’t deepen your feelings for Aaron. Was it a pointless goal? Yes. Was it also highly unlikely to prove true? Yes. But the loose plan you worked around the resolution almost completely extinguished the anxiety that had been blazing for hours now. It would be fine, you thought. Completely and utterly fine. 

The same words were looping through your thoughts when you got to his front door. Casual - but still minorly more dressed up than he’d seen you. You’d put a little extra effort into your appearance, mainly to pass the time if you were honest, and you walked in with mild confidence fueling your steps. You did your best not to ogle him, he was in an attire that was already threatening to unravel the safety net of the goal you set. You were used to the suits hidden beneath blazers you cursed the existence of, maybe a snippet of his forearms when he rolled up his sleeves late at night. Now, though, he sported a simple black tee, more comfortable than you’d ever seen him. Domesticity was practically oozing from the entire situation. You felt the pieces slip into place as Jack ran up behind him, and you almost cried with how badly you wanted this feeling to be your normal. 

“Hey, buddy.” You laughed as he hugged you, reciprocating the act as well as you could from the multiple feet you had on his height. “How’s the arm?”

He raised up his wrist, now gauze free and proudly showed off the scar there. You played up the genuine admiration you felt for him. “That’s a pretty gnarly scar.” He nodded in response, probably feeling cool for the evidence he handled such an injury. “I don’t want to see you back in my operating room, you hear me? Scared the life out of us.” The scolding was playful, and he giggled at your words.

Aaron huffed in agreement, cocking his head to the side slightly. “You can say that again.” Jack looked between you two, smiling and seemingly thinking something neither of you could decipher. To break the moment of silence, Aaron patted his shoulder. “Why don’t you tell her what’s on the menu, buddy?”

He told you, and you hummed along to his words, commenting that it sounded delicious and actually meaning it. He ran away a second later - presumably back to whatever he’d been doing before you got there - and left you and Aaron alone. Venturing into the kitchen, you saw multiple pans and pots sitting neatly on the stove, table set and ready to be utilized. Everything was being kept warm, and you finally gained an appetite after having wrestled with nerves all day. 

“Do you want a drink?” He asked it while entering the kitchen, pausing to look at you. 

“Please.” You were desperate to calm yourself, eager to subdue the shaking of your hands. “Do you have any wine?” You weren’t the biggest fan, but you couldn’t think of a drink more fitting for the evening.

He nodded slightly. “Red or white?”

“White.”

He chuckled. “Thought so.” It was quiet, more to himself than you as he was already walking away from you when he said it. He’d thought about what kind of wine you liked, you thought. He’d thought about you. He pulled two wine glasses down from the cupboard, then walked over to the fridge. He reached above it, barely having to stretch, and pulled an uncorked bottle from the storage up there. You felt your legs tense looking at how tall he was, how sure he was of his actions. Jesus. It’s been five minutes and you were crumbling. You watched his hands as he uncorked the bottle, reading the label and realizing the brand.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Seems a little fancy for a dinner.”

He laughed under his breath as he finished pouring the glasses, walking back over to sit next to you on the island stools. “You’re a guest of honor.” He placed yours in front of you. “I thought it was fitting.” 

You searched, but couldn’t find the humor in his tone. You raised your eyebrows slightly. “Am I?” It was sarcastic, you needed to stop the heat in your stomach from spreading. “I didn’t know doing your job earned such a title.”

He was drinking as you spoke, finishing his sip before joking back. “You’re a doctor.” He said. “I thought you knew that better than anyone.”

You sucked air through your teeth as if wounded by his words. “Touche.” You took a sip of your drink, relishing the taste. Damn, he didn’t come to play. He laughed, and you set your glass back down. “Ok, I have to know.” He drew his attention to you. “What the hell did Jack need the day to prepare for?” The question had been on your mind since he asked you.

He took a drink, chuckling with a mouthful then swallowing so he could reply. “He actually helped cook most of this.” He nodded towards the stove full of different dishes. “That was what he needed the day for. Time for trial and error.”

You grinned at the thought of Jack and Aaron spending the day in aprons, making sure everything turned out perfect. “That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He looked back towards Jack, coloring in the living room, close enough to see but far enough to miss your discussions. “He gets nervous around you.”

That surprised you. “Why on Earth would he be nervous around me?” You took your turn looking at the boy, an idea hitting you and making you feel sick. “Wait, I didn’t do something did I?”

He looked back at you, smiling. “No, no. Nothing like that. He gets nervous because he likes you. He knows who you are to me, too, so he wants to make a good impression.”

Your mind latched onto that sentence and played it like a broken record, bouncing between your ears over and over. “Oh?” Your lips were curling up at the corners, eyebrows furrowing as you got ready to hold him to that statement. “And who might I be to you, Aaron?”

Fuck. He’d let that slip past his lips without even thinking about it. So used to being in the confidential company of his son. Good thing he used to be a lawyer and could lie his ass off. “Most of his sitters aren’t also my coworkers.” He delivered it the smoothest way he could, smiling and drinking to hopefully exude a false comfortability that he certainly wasn’t feeling.

“Mhm.” You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to look sarcastic but in truth downplaying the sting you felt. What if this had been one-sided all along? You hadn’t prepped a safety guide for that.

Luckily, Jack came sprinting into the kitchen a second later, pleading with his father to eat now. Clinging to his leg and declaring how hunger was killing him by the second, dramatically threatening to wither away before your very eyes. You both shared a look, agreeing silently to put the kid out of his misery. The instinctual nature of the act hit you like a bolt of lightning. Both of you so in tune it was comical. The dinner had been lovely, and you reminded yourself to encourage Jack to keep up his cooking hobby. Maybe you could foster a professional chef. You’d talked with them both, light and the happiest you’d felt in a while. There it was, you realized. That weightless feeling you wanted to give him. You felt it in yourself too, and you could only pray it was because he felt it first. When dinner concluded, you’d help clean up while Jack resumed his coloring. His bedtime was soon, and you didn’t want him to spend his last hour washing pans. He was nearly delirious by the time 9:00 graced the clock, tired from the preparation of the day and needing to get to sleep. He’d given you a hug goodnight, thanked you for coming like the gentleman he was, and that was the last you saw of him. The rest of your time there was spent on the couch with Aaron, you both held a second glass of wine, and you noticed it manifest in the blush on his face. He was gorgeous, and you were staring. You know your eyes went to his lips a couple times as he spoke, low and rougher as the time ushered more light out of the sky. You saw his eyes slip down a few times too, this sort of unspoken, agonizing rule of look don’t touch. He’d walked you to the door, thanked you for your attendance, and then you were leaving. Sitting in your car, warm on the inside from both his presence and the anger you felt at yourself for not just kissing him. You were so incredibly needy for this - for him, and that fact just sat with you, like a raincloud constantly in a state of downpour, never letting you forget the pure fucking craving you had for him.

–

You think the start of your blackout was Morgan’s panicked voice over the speaker. You’d been stationed in your typical hut, equipped with medical gear and waiting on someone to need you. It was almost never your team in need of service, typically you were tending to an injured hostage or sometimes the unsub themselves, but never your friends. Your breath had been baited since you’d heard the gun go off. You knew the case was dealing with an aggressive attacker, you’d been expecting a fight, but nothing is ever more excruciating than waiting to hear who the shot was meant for. Derek crying out your name followed by a “get in here. Hotch is down, we need you in here.” had you ready to run the soles of your shoes down to dust just to make it in time. In time. God, in time for what? You’d ran past Emily and Rossi hauling out the unsub, anger evident in their treatment of him. How bad was it? How bad had he got him to have them acting like that?

The scene was bloody. Your brain switching off and forcing you into autopilot as you registered the pool of Hotch’s blood that Morgan was kneeling in. He was putting pressure on the wound, an attempt to stop the bleeding but it was flowing like a river. He wouldn’t make it to the hospital like this, you realized. He wouldn’t make it to the fucking hospital. You were holding his life in between your hands right now, the slightest tremor could sever that chord and you were feeling the pressure hard. Aaron was leaned against the wall, slumping down slightly which was only making the bleeding increase under the internal pressure. 

You looked at Morgan, putting on the bravest face you could muster and effectively seizing control of the situation. “Morgan.” You got his attention quickly. “On three I need you to lift him away from the wall. I need to check for an exit wound.” He just nodded, doing exactly as you’d told him when you reached three. You checked the area, finding an exit wound in nearly the same spot. It’d been a straight line. You sighed in relief. Thank fucking God. “Ok, Morgan, I need you to put pressure on the wound on his back. I’m going to stitch the front to give us the time we need for the hospital drive but I need you to hold it. You got me?” 

He nodded once. “I got it.” He moved his hand from the front to the back, Aaron wincing at the switch.

You took out the numbing cream from your pack, knowing it wouldn’t do much for a gushing bullet wound but hoping it would at least quell the sting of a needle. You took out the needle, threading it with hands frighteningly stagnant as the adrenaline gave you tunnel vision. You had to save him. “Aaron.” You looked at him as you prepped his skin for the procedure. “I’m gonna need to double stitch this, and it’s gonna hurt like hell. I need you to stay with me.” 

The man just nodded, exhaling in exhaustion. “Do it.”

You worked as quickly as possible, gaining hope as you listened to the ambulance approach. “There you go.” You said under your breath, at this point you couldn’t tell if you were reassuring him or yourself.  You looked to Morgan, who was still sealing the other injury. “Help me get him up. Keep your hand on there. These stitches are gonna give us twenty minutes tops. Hold his shoulders straight and walk quickly.” You counted again, both of you rising when you hit three, taking the man with you. The walk to the ambulance was the longest of your life. Aaron was clinging to his consciousness but you knew he was losing grip. Finally getting him to the stretcher and slamming the doors was a relief like nothing else. There was no time to debate anyone else going, you rushed him in and sat right down beside him, taking off almost immediately after. The bleeding had slowed, and your hand took the place of Morgan’s on his back. Since he was laying down, his full weight was on it, and you felt the circulation lessen more and more as it remained there. You couldn’t care less, you’d let the blood drain from your entire arm if it meant Aaron’s survival. He hadn’t passed out, which you thought was miraculous, simply walked the line of decently delirious. Groaning under his breath at every slight bump in the road. 

“Why am I always having to save you Hotchner men?” You knew now wasn’t the time to be humorous, but you would have done anything to deviate from the tears in your eyes, the ball in your throat. You finally understood why it was frowned upon to date coworkers - it should be illegal to care this much. 

“I don’t know, honey.” The pet name was the kicker, allowing a tear to break the dam and roll down your cheek as he chuckled. “You seem to be pretty damn good at it, though.” You laughed too, fighting the devastation you felt at the sight of him with the fact that he was clearly well enough to still be joking. “I should have kissed you when you came for dinner.”

Fuck. “Aaron, now is not the time.” You chuckled slightly as more tears fell. This is absurd.

“I know but-” He flinched as the ambulance hit another bump. Almost there. “I might as well say it now.” You wondered if there was genuinely something wrong with him. “You’ve been all I can think about since the moment-'' He paused to breathe slightly in exertion, you giving a disapproving look as his confession took it’s toll. “since the moment you started, you know that?”

“You are dying! Please, for the love of God, Aaron. Use this energy to prevent that from happening.” Your scolding was dramatic, but your actual concern shone brightly through your ruse of sarcasm. 

“Exactly.” He was being equally as sarcastic. How on Earth did he manage this with a rapidly declining life force. “Give a dying man a chance. How unfortunate would it be if the last thing I hear before I go out is the woman of my dreams rejecting me?”

“Jesus Christ.” You shook your head in pure amazement. This was by far the most goal oriented man you’d ever met. “I’ll let you take me out if you shut the hell up and save your energy.” He smiled, letting his head hit the reclined back of the stretcher. “After you get better.” You added, reminding him that his recovery took priority. “Deal?”

“Deal.” This was probably the most insufferable man you’d ever met. “Such a good motivator.”

Scratch that. Most insufferable man ever.

[therealplaguedoctor]

A Stupid Bet

Esteban Ocon x driver!reader

Summary/prolong (idek anymore)- You made a stupid bet with Esteban, well he asked you to agree to it and you did. Little did you know how soon after that promise the conditions would be meet and everyone will know....

Warnings/content- fem reader, no use of y/n, 2nd person (you/your), Esteban in alpine, talks about media being kinda(?) sexist only for a sec tho, doubts about your position again only for a sec, lmk if i missed anything

Non serious warnings: reader has no nationality mentioned (actually surprising for me lol), author is a dumbass and pretends she knows shit(she doesnt), American spelling, I never spell check. Idk what a kilometer is,

F/c- n/a

A/n- woke up in a cold sweat wrote down this fic idea and asked my friends who it should be on. First person (and only one) to respond wanted Estie bestie so this is for you, you know who you are lol love youuu

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

A stupid bet. It all happened cause of a stupid bet.

It was just before COTA you and Esteban where both on his couch watching a random movie that neither of you cared to much for.

"Amour" Esteban says softly as he looked over to you something slightly unveiling in his eyes...mischief...?

"Yeah..?" You answered a little worried about what he might say

"You wanna make a bet?" He smiled definitely mischief in his eyes

You smiled "depends what's the bet?"

"If we're both on the podium in one of the remaining races can I kiss you on it?" He asked with a slightly begging tone

You and Esteban had been dating for slightly over a year now. Somehow being able to keep your relationship under wraps. You haven't talked to much about making your relationship public. There has been some talk when you started dating of course an there was the whole discussion you had to have with Alpine about your relationship. And so so many NDAs people had to sign. It was insane.

"You know that will never happen estie" you chuckled

"Hey a man can dream" he smiled "..so if it does can we?" He asks again

"Of course" you smiled as you pushed him down on the couch in a hug laughing

He laughed as well kissing your forehead "I love you mon amour"

"I love you too Esteban"

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

It was the brazil gp and it was hell.

"Okay one lap left, one lap left" you heard your race engineer buzzed in your ear. You wanted to yell at him to shut up as you drove. You were sweating bullets. You were currently in p3, Esteban was p2. This would mean monumental points for the team if you crossed the finish line like this. Which is proving more difficult with the current track conditions yet-

"That is the checkered flag, p3 that is p3. Congratulations"

"WOOOOO OH MY FUCKING GOD"

"You and Esteban are one podium great job, great job" you could here the cheers in the background as your race engineer talked your smile grew wider with each cheer.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You slowly pulled up to the p3 plaq and parked the car. You slowly climbed out standing on the halo you cheered doing your celebration. Before jumping down and running over and jumping into your team. You almost get swallowed by your team so many hands, cameras, flashes, you eventually get released by your team.

You turn to see Esteban you quickly hug eachother helmets bumping before you pushed eachother to arms length to look eachother in the eyes. Both of you held the other shoulders while you couldn't see his mouth you could see the scrunching of his eyes, and he could see yours. Both your jaws will definitely be hurting from smiling so much.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You both were walking into the cool down room the atmosphere was buzzing. Esteban leaned over and asked in a quiet voice "you remember our bet?" He asked

"How could I forget?" Is all you respond with a smile still plastered on your face.

The cool down room felt like hours as you Estie and Max chatted it was smiles all around.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

The Dutch nation anthem rang out before the trophies where handed out you held yous up high before placing down softly with a satisfying clunk. And before you knew it the celebration music rang out as you all popped your champaign and drenched eachother.

You wiped the fizzling liquid from your eyes and face before taking a swig of the liquid as it satisfyingly fizzled down your throat. You look over to Esteban who had just appeared at your side you both smiled.

Esteban and you clicked the large bottles together both taking another swig.

Just then he pulls you into him, hand gentle but firm. With that he kisses you and of course you kiss back. I mean who would you be if you don't kiss your own boyfriend back? His hand rested on the back of you neck, and you hands were lazily thrown over his shoulders.

Your heart rate spiked as yet the world seem to slow the loud cheers of the crowd lulled into nothingness it was just you and Esteban for a moment. As you shared a gentle and passionate kiss.

That was until you felt something cold wet and undeniably champagne. The kiss broke so both you and Esteban didn't drown in the sweet liquid both looking over to the source:

Max fucking Verstappen with a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

You smiled and so did Esteban, you three laughed as you held the champagne up high cheering the world.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You really didn't want to go to the media pen.

I mean you and Esteban didn't think the bet entirely through. What would the media response be? Will all your accomplishments be given to your boyfriend?

You have gotten your phone a while ago but you didn't bother to even turn it on scared of what the media would say.

But why should you be scared? You and Esteban have been dating for a year. Wayyyyy after you joined formula one. And you loved eachother and the media could not change that.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You finally entered the media pen just to be met with a loud cheers. Esteban quickly took notice to you as he was standing just by where you entered he quickly motioned you over to do the interview with him.

"There's my beautiful girlfriend" he smiles which you swear is bigger than when he won his first grand prix "hello mon amour"

"Hi estie" you smiled

Quickly though the interviewer got to work: "Hello to both of you" he said "well first I should say congrats, and of course I'm assuming this relationship isn't new..?"

You spoke first "no me and Estie have been together for a year actually back in Singapore" Esteban just smiled and nodded.

"And of course we can speculate all we want but I'm sure many people want to know did you decide to do this before hand or was this spur of the moment?" The interviewer asked

"Well it as actually a bet" Esteban said

"A stupid bet" you added

He playfully rolled his eyes "I asked her before COTA that if we both got on the podium in one of the remaining races if I could kiss her on it" he explained

"And of course I agreed" you smiled

The interview concluded and you were surprised no one made any negative comments about your relationship.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You both arrive back at your shared hotel room (which Alpine was happy about because they only had to pay for one room). You finally take out your phone unlock it ready to see all the hateful messages only to see none.

You smiled as you looked though them:

User: I mean have you seen how Esteban looks at her how did we not figure it out sooner????

User: I want what they have

User: THE MADE THAT BET IN AN APLINE BRO JCKSNJDKS BOTH OF EM JXNOSKA

User: can we point out the fact that the kiss made basically ALL the media not pay any attention to the Max master class? I think that's hilarious as a Max fan

User: No cause the photo of Max spraying them with champagne as they kissed is so cute imma cry

User: mama y papa

User: I will never understand how Esteban pulled HER

User: Esteban is stronger than me cause if I had her as a gf she would be ALL OVER my social media

User: she called Esteban estie and he called her mon amour if you need me I'll be crying THEIR SO CUTEEE

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

You laughed as you read the tweets. You've never been happier.

Esteban comes back into the room freshly showered, "what are you looking at mon amour?" He asked

"Just twitter" you said as you show him you screen "everyone loves us"

"I mean what isn't there to love about you?" Estie said

"Smooth" you smiled "is that what you say to all the girls"

"Only the ones I'll marry some day" He says with the biggest grin

"I love you Estie" you smiled as you leaned over and kiss his cheek

"I love you more" he said back kissing you in return

"Impossible"

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

A/n: OMFG I LOVE THIS I HOPE YALL DO IK IT WAS A BIT SCUFFED WTV PLEASE LIKE REBLOG OR WHATEVER YOU WANT THEY ARE VERY APPRECIATED IDK WHY IM STILL YELLING LOVE YALLLLLL

[claryshifts]

How to Safely Shift to Dangerous DRs

I've seen a lot of posts about people going to apocalyptic DRs and honestly, that's scary! To me, just scripting "I don't get traumatized" isn't going to help you when you shift back to this reality where that doesn't apply.

I know a lot of yall really just wanna meet the characters, so here are a few of the DRs I see and how to make it safer...

-Alice in Borderland:

this one is easier for me to discuss because I LOVE AiB and already have a DR for that ehehe. First off... if you really need to script some edgy lore at least script that you blocked out the trauma in THAT reality so you really don't even remember the lore. Script you have a super long Visa and every death in those games you've been in happened far from you so you never saw them coming. Script Niragi isn't a grapist asshole. The beach isn't a game site.

-The Walking Dead:

You can script you always find food and water, pick some cute comfortable outfits, script that you basically barely ever see walkers, and as you all know, in this world, it's the people that's the problem, so script you don't run into dangerous people! and ofc... you and the people you care about don't get bit, killed, or injured

-Criminal Minds:

You can script you're a computer analysis like Garcia or honestly you can pick any other career. Like I'll gladly be a pop star by day and the one who blows out Spencer Reid's back every night. Who said that...? not me... I might make a Criminal Minds dr....

-American Horror Story:

sigh idek ok I've seen some of s1 so I'll use that since I think that's the favorite season. I'm assuming you're a Tate fan and if that's the case, you can script that you knew him before *the incident*. Hell, you can say your love for him and shit kept him from snapping and looking at the way he acts I'm convinced he would've been such a cuddle bug subby baby but nooooo

-Resident Evil:

Many points similar to The Walking Dead if you're going by the original movies. If you're going by the OG og, the games, literally just don't be involved with the Umbrella nonsense. Script that every outbreak happens in a city YOU AINT IN. or just script you're in a time period with no outbreaks so you can cozy up with pookie Leon or whoever. If you really want to be involved for whatever reason, try some of the Walking Dead advice

-Dead By Daylight:

i can't believe i've seen people have this DR. idek hat to tell you. Delete your script

-Annabelle: Creation:

EXCUSE ME? Pls say sike rn ain't no way I saw that before on shiftok delete your script too

Basic Things To Script in Any DR:

-you are never injured and ofc never killed

-no one you love gets injured or killed

-you are never forced to do anything

-you never endure any traumatic events

_________________________

MY INBOX IS OPEN 😡 😡 😡 

[authoressofdarkness]

Summer Bingo Fill: Public Claiming @starkerfestivals

A little twist on this prompt born from seeing this idek how old post from @monster-cock69 this morning and frantically writing this in less than 30 minutes. This is completely unbetaed and straight from the dredges of my brain, fair warning.

Idk if anyone has written anything based off of it yet but still, I hope they (and all of you) enjoy it! (Mafia typical violence here, but nothing too graphic!)

~~~

Peter thanks every being in the universe that his jacket is still on as he rounds the corner, stumbling. It does nothing for the cold that seems to come from somewhere inside him right now, but there's another reason he is glad he has it, right?

He's lost a lot of blood – just enough for the world to feel fuzzy around the edges. There's a shallow slice on his throat that is weeping small tears of blood from where he very narrowly avoided having his throat cut a few minutes ago, and a split above his eyebrow from hitting his face on… something, he doesn't remember. It's all kind of a blur, now, and all he remembers is the gleam of metal, the way the turned down lights reflected off of it just right, and the punishing grip on his thighs.

He can't remember how he escaped or even how he got here, only that he'd ran and now he's here, however many blocks away from the club where he'd started and he's probably still being pursued. He needs to hide. No, he needs help.

But who would come running for someone like him? Not the police. The club hasn't stopped those people from coming in with the weapons, had escorted them to a private room, might have known–

Take this, sweetheart. Just in case.

Peter's hand goes to the breast pocket of his poor excuse for a jacket at the memory. Everyone knew who Tony Stark was. Peter isn't oblivious to who his regular customers are, though he would never dare even make eye contact with a man like that outside of work, especially not if they were a client. Rules and such.

The criminal had tucked the card in his pocket at the end of their last little tryst, and Peter had let him, though he had no intention of ever using it. But now… 

Shouting in the distance breaks through the fog making its way across Peter's brain, kicking him into action. Now isn't the time to be indecisive. And worrying about his life or his job after this was moot if he didn't survive.

He finds the nearest dumpster and crawls behind it, trying not to gag at the smell. His phone is somehow still tucked in the band of his fishnets, probably kept in place by the silky scarf tied around his hips. He pulls it out with shaking hands, retrieves Stark's card, and waits.

It cuts off after the second ring. Peter thinks he's been hung up on for a moment until a voice snaps into the silence, "Speak."

"Mr. Stark?" Oh God, he sounds like a literal child. If he even recognizes him—

"Peter?" The ice melts out of Stark's voice immediately, replaced with something like urgency. "What's wrong?"

"I–" The sob sticks in his throat, and the words stop. He can't summarize the horrors of what just happened, and the reality of how cold he is and the voices getting nearer is starting to set in. "They tried to–" His voice falters again.

Stark doesn't push him for the details. He hears the rustling on the other line, and something that might have been a door slamming. "Who?"

"I don't know– 'm cold, Mr. Stark, and I don't really remember– just ran–"

"It's okay, I'll take care of it, Peter. You did good to get away. Where are you now?"

"Dunno– went out the back door and kinda ran–"

"The back door of the club?" 

"Yeah–"

"We'll find you. Are you safe now?"

Peter stops to listen. "I'm not sure, I think someone followed me– I'm hiding, but–" 

"Stay hidden. We'll find you."

The line goes dead.

Peter stares at the phone in his hand, wondering for a second if this was even real. His vision is swimming, and the sounds of pursuit that seemed so close a minute ago are hard for him to grasp now. He looks down and realizes there's blood coming from somewhere on his torso, another wound he must not have noticed, wasn't feeling because of the adrenaline rush, but– oh, it's a lot of blood, no wonder he feels like this.

Eventually the voices get close enough that they start to penetrate the fog on his mind again, but Peter is barely holding on to consciousness and any sense of fear or urgency is not quite tangible enough to make him move.

Someone hauls him out from behind the dumpster. Peter struggles, but there's no strength left behind the movement. A kick to the ribs sends him to the ground, sprawled face down on the concrete.

Words float to him as if in a dream.

"Move, Stark, and I'll blow his brains out right in front of you."

"You and I both know you intend to kill him anyway."

"True. But you're not going to get your gun up quick enough to kill me first."

Peter raises his head a little. Mr. Stark is there, maybe twenty feet away, silhouetted by the street lights on either end of the alley like some dark angel. The man's eyes are on Peter, and his lips turn up in a little smirk.

"I don't have to. You'll never touch anything that belongs to me again."

The gunshot that follows makes Peter jump. Which is good, because if he can jump, then he's not dead, which means it wasn't directed at him. He prefers being startled any day.

"About goddamn time, Happy, what took you so long–"

"Things at the club were messy, boss, you're not gonna like this one–"

The words turn into a droning background noise when Stark appears in front of him, kneeling to his level. "Peter, focus up, doll. Are you alright?"

 Peter tries to nod, but his head just falls against Stark's foot limply. He's so tired. And cold, and–

"Peter." Stark sounds more frantic now. "Happy, find me a medic, now–"

"Everyone's a little busy right now–"

"I don't give a flying fuck– Peter, don't you dare go to sleep."

The words are directed at him. Somehow, Peter recognizes that much. Normally he wouldn't dare to disobey an order from Tony Stark, especially with that tone. But the frizzle of fear that runs down his spine isn't enough to stop him. His eyes are so heavy. He closes them before he can realize it. 

The last thing he hears is Tony Stark swearing above him.

~~~

It's also the first thing he hears when he comes to, just briefly, while they're working on him. The stinging in his side while they stitch him up – that has to be what they're doing, though the pain is dulled so much it's hard to be sure – is enough to pull him towards the surface of consciousness. 

Peter thinks he's in a vehicle, if the subtle thrum of the engine is anything to go off of. But he's laid out comfortably on something soft, and there's something warm under his head, and the hands that are prodding at him are gentle and surprisingly steady.

"He was in shock by the time you got to him. You're lucky he's alive."

Another voice, the one from the alley. Happy? "I can't believe he is. I can't believe he got away in that state."

Fingers card through his hair. Stark's voice, thoughtful, but tired, strained in a way he'd never heard it. "He was out of it, even when he called me. But he didn't say anything— nothing that indicated we were going to walk into a situation like that. He said they tried to do something to him, but couldn't tell me what. I thought someone raped him, not tried to slit his fucking throat. Nothing could have prepared me for that." 

"I wonder who orchestrated that kind of hit. It's so random…" 

"Unless they had some kind of clue…"

"Next time it won't be taken as random. We made our claim pretty clear."

The conversation devolves from there, but Stark's hand in his hair stays consistent. Peter never opens his eyes, finding them far too heavy and himself too tired to even try. The hand in his hair is just the right mix of possessive and comforting. As soon as the dull pain in his side fades, Peter is gone again, too.

~~~

The next time Peter wakes up, he's in bed. 

Well, someone else's bed. Not his.

For a moment, he wonders if everything was a dream. The card, the attack, the phone call, all of it. But then he tried to roll over and pain sparks through his side, and he realizes it was all very real.

"Take it easy, Peter."

Peter jumps a little and looks up, and yeah, that's Tony Stark on the other side of the bed. He wets his lips. "'M… sorry, Mr. Stark."

The elder man looks down at him, raising an eyebrow. "You've been awake for thirty seconds and you're already sorry for something? I just don't want you to hurt yourself more than you are, kid."

Peter flushes, mind flitting to all the other times Stark had called him kid when they were alone for just a second before reeling himself back in. "I– thank you, Mr. Stark. Not just for that, but for… saving me, and everything."

Stark turns to face him more fully. "Well, when my favorite boy calls for help, of course I'm going to be there." His fingers find Peter's hair again, and Peter tilts his head into the touch almost automatically. "It was a bit more of an undertaking than I had imagined, admittedly, but I would do it again, if you needed me to."

"I'm your favorite boy?" Peter's cheeks turn even redder as he looks up at Stark through his lashes.

"Do you think I give my personal number out to just anybody, you silly thing? Of course you're my favorite." Tony runs a thumb over Peter's bottom lip. "And you're my only, now. Would be a shame to keep you here and not utilize your services, wouldn't it?"

"You're going to keep me here?" Old fear sets in with a vengeance, but Tony grips his hair before Peter can pull away and leans over him.

"Shh, don't be like that. You don't have to be afraid." Tony sighs a little, stroking the boy's cheek. "I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart. But I made a very public claim on you by showing up last night. We killed… oh, at least eight people, and left the club in shambles. It's not going to take very long for word to spread." 

"You killed eight people? Because of me?" Peter hadn't been with it enough to have any understanding of that, but it was the logical explanation. He suddenly remembers the gunshot right above him and feels a bit queasy.

"I kill people all the time, sweetheart. Eight is nothing. Especially when they were putting their hands on my property."

My property. Peter is Tony Stark's property. A shiver goes through him.

Tony notices, and he offers him a small smile. "I killed the owner too, you know. Your handler is dead. Your contract is with me, now."

Peter swallows thickly. His contract is gone, too — but he doesn't allow himself to savor the freedom too much, not yet. "And how am I to work that off?"

Tony's eyes are bright and wicked. "I think you know, puppy."

Peter barely bites back the whimper that rises in his throat at Stark's pet name for him, and he raises his head before he's even conscious of the decision to do so, kissing him.

Mr. Stark kisses back, the hand still tight in his hair, keeping him right where he wants him as his tongue slides against Peter's, dipping into his mouth for a moment before pulling back. "Right answer," he murmurs, kissing him again, chastely this time. "But not now. You need to rest. I want you to enjoy it when I take you apart, Peter, not just be pushing through because you think you owe me."

Peter watches him sit up, breathing still a little shaky. "Don't I, though?"

"I suppose you do, but I'll take my repayment when and how I please. This isn't it." Stark stretches. "I'm going to get us some food. Stay there. Rest. I mean it."

There is nothing for Peter to do but comply.

[imaginespazzi]

Nivi, just my two cents on how Stephanie (I'm just gonna go with the name for now - love it btw, she totally would name her after Steph - cause I don't wanna keep writing 'the kid' lmao) came to be:

Like totally agree with wanting P to step into a proper parent role, but in terms of Azzi either adopting or opting for a donor, I feel like that's obviously then a very conscious and purposeful decision on Azzi's part to have a kid. Which is totally fine ofc! But idk, I just feel like at that point in her life and career (what, she would have been 25/26? Based on the timeline you gave us), I just don’t see her making that decision already especially if she's gonna be a single parent? Again, not that she couldn't do it, it just feels like she wouldn't.

And I know one-night-stands kinda seem like a cop out or the easy way out of not having to introduce or have the other parent around but I don't think it would be that out of character? People have one night stands, and sometimes sex produces babies no matter how much protection you use ya know 😅. Also, yes I know that choosing to keep the baby is still a conscious decision to have a child but it's not like it was her intention to have a child going into it - am I making sense??

So I guess in that vain, adoption would make sense too, if it was certain circumstances that led to it, rather than her purposefully being like "ok I want to have a kid now and I wanna do it via adoption". Idek I'm sorry if I'm speaking total bullshit.

Again, just my thoughts! Totally ignore if you want!

Other thoughts:

Oooo ok so Stephanie and P have already met in previous games, yes ok I like this development haha. So much potential. I still stand by Tim being the instigator, like he'd go up to P to say hi whenever Azzi's team was playing P's and lil Steph would be hiding behind his leg. 😂 And one day (before P ends up on Azzi's team), P has like a lil toy ready to give to her at one of their games and Stephanie clings on to that toy from then on (despite Azzi's protests).

Hahah yeah I was thinking trade too - well I guess if we wanna be semi-realistic, it could just be that P requested a trade and you know whichever team she was on obvs had to seek the best value and Azzi's team just happened to be the ones to give it to them. And then I can just imagine when P gets the news about the trade going through and realises which team, she's like "oh fuck that's not what I meant" 😭

Also, those flashbacks to when they were together and the time they were apart are gonna hit, I already know (if you choose to incorporate them ofc). Oh my god, like when Azzi goes into labour (if we go the pregnancy route) and she's maybe wishing more than anything that P was there with her or just like moments where she's craving having another person to go through the journey of parenthood with and her subconscious always immediately thinks of P 🥲

And then on the flip side, everytime P comes across baby/kid stuff, she also prolly always ends up thinking of Azzi and lil Steph, even more so after she's met the kid.

I'm also assuming that similar to the UCLA fic, we're not having Azzi tear her ACL again and so they would have both declared for the 2025 draft? Were they already broken up by that point? Cause damn, that would have been a tense and heartbreaking draft night! Cause if they were broken up by then, their break up would potentially have happened in like the week or sum between the natty and draft night? So many possibilities.

I also just remembered that the Fudds have a dog named Curry - damn, Steph getting the dog AND child namesake. He deserves it, i reckon.

Also, some songs I was listening to earlier today that might or might not provide some inspo:

Someday we'll know by Mandy Moore (I was having my annual rewatch of A Walk To Remember and the "someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you" to the "someday you'll know that I was the one for you" made me think of this fic)

Cardigan by Taylor (mainly the bridge/last verse? Yk the one haha)

Strange by Celeste (this is what made me think of the potentially very angsty draft night after they've just broken up)

I miss you, I'm sorry by Gracie ("you said forever and I almost bought it")

Goodnight and go by Ariana (this is kinda for when they're starting to interact more again - like the "why'd you have to be so cute, it's impossible to ignore you" from Azzi's pov)

But like for real Nivi, you never have to incorporate any of my suggestions, this is just me spitballing and hopefully helping you even if it's just to help you decide "oh ok well we're definitely NOT doing THAT" 😂

-🙋‍♀️

Yeah I've been calling her Stephanie, Stephie for short, in my head so I'm pretty sure that's her name now...

My inbox is currently just ask after ask about how they want/think Stephanie came to be (I swear I really would like to reply to everyone but it's just a liiiiitttle bit exhausting) and I'm just very amused but as always, you and I are on the same wavelength. Like I know some people really want sperm donor/adoption (I love y'all I promise), I just can't really see her at that age and at that time of her career, purposefully trying for a child. I think it's different if she decided to keep the child after a ONS because well it's already there? Idk if that makes sense cause I don't know how to say it really but there's just a difference in my head about that?

WAIT I LOVE THAT AWWWW. But yeah Stephie and P have definitely interacted before and even if it's only a couple of times a year, I think they'd already just a little bit enamored, so when P becomes her coach, it doesn't take long for them to become wrapped around each other (spoiler?)

As we all know, I do love my flashback so trust bestie, there will be plenty, some angsty, some fluffy but a lot of flashbacks!

I actually am gonna keep Azzi's injuries in this one cause I want to keep all of the UConn lore similar to reality (yes this is me just wanting to add a cruise scene again...) so they'd actually go to the draft in different years and this may or may not (I'm not even tryna tease I actually haven't decided) play a little bit of a part in the break up (how? idk we'll find out)

LMAO Steph is also an honorary Fudd atp and will absolutely be meeting Stephie at some point in this fic

AH I ALWAYS LOVE YOUR SONGS REC!! Babes have you already made a playslist?? I think my main song for this fic might end up being Last Kiss by Taylor Swift (yes another Taylor Swift song I know) because "so I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep" just feels very apt for them.

I love your suggestions as always babes and I hope you have more <3

[rin-and-jade]

Okay, so we've tried several times to write an ask, and each time we just..stop ?? So this time instead of explaining in detail n shit and saying how much we're sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, I'm just gonna write :/

So, we're kind of stuck, in the sense that idk if I'm/we're(both pronouns feel wrong lol) a system anymore and,wdk what to do about it.

Because basically 5-6 years ago, when we were around 10(i think, but at this point i only know the story through the "telephone" of our retellings) our brain tried to just.. get rid of most of the DID. I'm not even ducking kidding, i think it tried to lower barriers and smush most of us together, to the best of it's ability. From what I've gathered, it planned on shoving all our trauma deep down in the innerworlds, and hiding them from the main kid. Like, getting rid of thousands of fragments, banking them in little crevices of our brain etc.

That procedure was supposed to make it so the main kid could have more of their life for them- without access or even knowledge of the sheer size of the abyss and pain in background, and thus being less affected by it till they were old enough to deal with it. Idk how to explain really, especially since i myself barely understand.

In any case, it went wrong. I don't know why much, as our memory has increasingly deteriorated since to the point i have nearly no knowledge left. I'm not sure even all that ever happened, because maybe I'm just inventing stuff and creating a story were there is none, and I'm scared that what i know isn't real and just my imagination or smth

And what's left is..me i guess. I kinda feel like a fragment in the sense that i have limited consciousness and just..person-space(if that makes sense ?) I'm not sure if I'm several people, one person, an eldritch entity of kinda seperate kinda not glued together entities.

Idek what i want to be. I want to be a full person, that's for sure, but other than that ? Idk. I'm lost, I'm a mix of tons of different opinions and vague, weak, feelings, and flashes of blurry memories and desires that don't belong to me.

So.. i know you probably can't help, but do you have.. any idea on what I could do ? Or if others have been in similar situations and if it got better ?

This is a very long ask x knows, and it's desperate, and you aren't our/my psychs so I shouldn't just dump this and hope you have answers, and I'm so sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask, but yeah.

I'm sorry.

Dissociative disorders do the job, but not perfectly, what you're explaining from the words of "nearly no knowledge left" sounds like retrograde amnesia, where it is near to impossible to remember anything from the past.

I also get a bit on what you mean with not knowing who you are,, that is usually close to a blurry moment? Because everything feels jumbled, its not clear, it is hard to discern wether there's multiple or not, etc. That could sound like it;

Have you been exposed to stress? Especially long term? Has anything awful been happening? Many factors can affect memory and recognizing who you are that can stem from basic needs that are neglected like sleep or rest if you're working for long periods, or deficiencies on vitamins/minerals/nutrition because they also play a part on fending off brain fog which can cause many issues like memory recall or trouble focusing,, or it can be to even deeper issues like stress as i said before, or if it is related to trauma, or any sustained physical injuries but it could be anything really.

Im guessing this is something that didn't happen in such a short time, but i do can give you some stuffs to do for starters:

Write down everything you can notice those feelings, those lingering sense of identity, or vibes, or thoughts, they are truly jumbled and it helps you organize and recognize your situation better if you have a physical record of what you're experiencing

Find the cause of problem If you can, try digging up anything you can find that could be the culprit, maybe before things get too foggy to remember that could serve as clues, and by checking with your current health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and see what could be fixed.

For sense of fulfillment It is overwhelming to know which or where you have to start from if you want to learn more of yourself, while you can do number 1 to jot down things you don't align with, this also gives you some ideas on what could be yours. Start somewhere small, like, how you like your daily morning, or preference in eating food, or the colors you think it looks cool.

It would also be great if you can leave out the tiniest bit of context next time, so my answers for now are rather vague and less pinpointed/specific. Though atleast still can suffice as a starting point to tackle your issues.

You can contact me anytime via ask box or DMs, let's see how things go for you okay?

- j

[kooktrash]

omg your story about 🩷 and 💙 is crazy. not crazy as in delusional, but more like, why the heck hasn’t 💙 approached you at this point? we need more stories like this! ngl, i enjoyed reading it. please give us updates if anything new happens—i’m way too invested now. 🤭

also, i’m a libra, and if that happened to me, girl i would’ve gone crazy. I HATE when a guy keeps looking but doesn’t approach me. like the fuck what’s the point of all this if you’re not going to talk to me? what’s your deal lmfao? i can’t even tell which one is better for you 😩

I deadass am so delusual but I’m aware and I think that’s the fair 🫥

also idk if it’s just me but a man can throw every sign under the sun and I’ll still think they don’t like me 💀like he could call me the love of his life and I’d still be like 🤔I ain’t saying I don’t talk to men they’re just so stupid I can’t

like with 🩷 the two times we’ve actually SPOKEN to each other in the span of a year he was just soooo dry. like idk if that’s just how he is or what but he would seem so uninterested. so lowkeyyyyyhhy 🥵I think he’s only “grown to like me” even just a little is bc some law of attraction type shit and maybe he’s just seen me so many times he feels obligated to seek me out now 💀 like I’m telling you one day he went from avoiding me to 👀😶🫣🤭😧😳🫣👀

except earlier this week I was standing out my store and he was walking so close to the storefronts and right we he passed me (yall I’m lame I was watching a boy next door TikTok 💀) he made it a point to put a gap between it and where he walked but like AFTER her passed me. and in my defense I fr didnt notice him till I was like who tf walking so close lmao and then I was like it’s this stupid bitch 🩷

anyways I’ll give you some weird encounters with 🩷 and 💙

so another one with 🩷 another time I went out with my friends, I was sitting in a booth trying to ignore the fact that this mf was standing a little away with his friends and YALL. WHEN I TELL YOU no matter where 🩷 and I stand in a room, no matter how many people were with, we always manage to face each other. like even if he showed up after me or I after him. it just happens ídem. BUT ANYWAY my friend was talking to me standing but I couldn’t hear him so he had to bend down to talk to me cause I was sitting and lmao 😭I was gonna try and sneak a quick peak at 🩷 since my friend had been blocking me but tell me why 🩷 WAS ALREADY STARING. like we was both waiting for my friend to move out the way lmaooo

another time with 🩷, the make up store is at the end of the hall so it’s perpendicular to the barbershop ( ┬ ) and ngl I don’t always do my makeup bc tf but on weekends or days that I actually have time I do. I do my makeup on the weekends cause I know fine shyts will be there lmaooo but anyways if I forgot my lip liner or eyelash glue or something I just go to the makeup store and buy a new one lol. so I been in go to makeup store I’m trying to be mysterious 🎀 and not look toward barber shop? But everytime I leave, I could see the mirrors in the barber shop and half the time I see exactly when 🩷 peeps me walking out and he always turns to look. literally all the barbers do and I wish I was lying but they’re men so they turn everytime they see a girl idek but it’s just funny how 🩷 is always already looking when I walk out

AND TELL ME WHY SOME KID CWME TO MY STORE TODAY WND GAVE ALL US bracelets with the barber shops name on it

anyways with 💙 they’re even dumber and more delulu

the first time I saw 💙, I was with my brother shopping for shoes. so my brother and I were like 👀 you see what I see? FOINE MAN 😂and I remember I was so excited to go with him to the register but tell me why my grandpa calls me as we get in line and me trying not to be that annoying customers who’s on the phone while someone is checking out, I get out of line. I’m talking to my grandpa and 💙 is just staring at me as he’s checking out my brother like hoe is u nosy?

so our management and I usually plan outfits on days we know we work together like we’ll do “witchy vibes” “y2k vibes” “camo or cargo pants” shit like that so we kinda match. sometimes when it’s really slow me and my work bestie will stand at the front and greet. well sometimes someone other than 💙 will be standing up front of the shoe store greeting. but then they’ll see one of us standing out our door and they’ll leave and suddenly 💙 is the one greeting people.

even if I’m out there by myself 💙 will switch with whoever is out there and he’d be the one greeting. keep in mind this was after we had established we worked across from each other. anyways like I said before you can tell this man is a S L U T. like he just looks like he gets bitches yknow and I was like girl it would never be me 😂and I still think that but I can’t even lie, I love flirting and nothing coming from it. like if I can just flirt with someone forever without them asking for my number or to link I’d be so happy lmao anyways, there’s another fine ass man who works with 💙 so we’ll call him 💜. he’s a manager too at his store with 💙 so lowkey we all are either opening or closing. so we see each other A LOT

anytime 💙 is out staring; 💜 joins him and they’ll look over, talk with themselves and smile and look over and sometimes I’m like “I bet they think we want them BAD” but like realistically I’m just on my phone or like greeting but you can just tell them they’re hot shit. like yeah they are but always fuck them lmao

anyways earlier I was up front doing recovery and every now and then I’d pass the store front. 💙 would be greeting, see me and leave, come back; look at me and do it all over again ALSO. 💙 is a tatted up motorcycle guy who is shy as fuck for being a slut. like we know mutual people and they say he doesn’t like to party anymore and he’s quiet so obviously that’s hot but he’s such a bum lmao 💀

At least 🩷 has money, travels, has tattoos, speaks Spanish, yes also a slut but like he drives a hellcat 😳🫣

anyways 💙 always gives shy vibes but also slutty and honestly we were so busy today idgaf about him. tell me why 💜 goes into my store today and as you know I’m greeting and say hi and he’s like heheh neighbor but in a bit corny way and he does his shopping. Im standing up front and 💜 leaves, looks back at me asks if we’ve been busy blah blah blah. 💙 is standing at his storefront just watching and then 💜 looks back at him, goes back to store then they talk and look back at me

men are so weird and dumb but like such an interesting case study

and like I said, haven’t really been seeing 🩷 bc idk. I feel like he’s just been so attainable but neither one of us have done anything about it it’s kinda just getting bleh like the universe is probably mad at both of us for not making a move

and for 💙, he’s just a pretty man to look at. I know too much about him from other people to EVAAA — ok I’d fold for like a quick link but like I wouldn’t take him serious

[gio-cosmo]

ooh, 14, 21 and 22?

Hiii ^^

14. Worst game you’ve ever played?

ooo this one’s tough…realistically, the worst game I’ve ever played is probably some low-budget knockoff wii game I played as a kid or something LMFAOO but I feel like that’s a predictable answer on my part. I feel like I’ve had pretty good luck with games I end up playing, I’m really picky so usually I just. Refuse to pick up a game at all if it doesn’t look interesting lmfaoo. I will say though….the two games I most regret purchasing are Fire Emblem Engage & Pokemon Scarlet 😭 they aren’t the worst games ever by any means but. They were both 60 bucks and I never play them. Very devastating for my measly bank account 😢 ALSO tbf I feel like the reason I dislike Fire Emblem Engage is bc I want another Fire Emblem game to kind of go along the same layout of Three Houses…not a direct copy obviously but Three Houses was just so good. It’s so good in fact that any time I play any other Fire Emblem game that ISN’T Three Houses I’m like….🫤 LMFAOO which I know isn’t a very good mindset for me to have and I should stop comparing them so heavily but…alas. BUT I suppose I can’t even really give Engage a proper rating since I haven’t finished it. Idk I just didn’t really care for the storyline or characters but that’s just me personally.

21. A game you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up loving?

There’s actually quite a few where this has happened!! There’s been a plethora of games I’ve seen on Steam or in a store and I’ll look it over and be like “ehhh this really doesn’t look like my thing…but it has good ratings…and it’s under my recommended…” and then I’ll usually set it off to the side, and once I get really incredibly bored I’ll cave in and buy it just to give me something to do LMAOO. Needy Streamer Overload was one where I was very skeptic about at first, but I actually really ended up enjoying it (I especially love the soundtrack!) and also World of Horror! I remember seeing people say it was boring and the game mechanics looked so overwhelming so I put off buying it forever, but I finally got it a few weeks ago and it’s probably my fav horror game of all time now. I’m mentally kicking myself for avoiding it so avidly for so long! I don’t find it boring at all, I love games that are built to be replayed as many times as you want. It was funny though bc when I first started playing I was so confused..had me staring at the screen like ☹️ LMFAOO I WAS ACTUALLY BEFUDDLED. But after a few playthroughs it ends up being easy to understand which I am very thankful for. ALSO. Slay the Princess!! Another one I avoided for a while for..honestly idek why. But oh my GODDD I LOVE SLAY THE PRINCESS WOOO YAYYY 🎉 slay the princess honestly was such a crazy surreal experience idek how to describe it. It’s so awesome. It’s coming out on the Switch w a 200 dollar collectors addition thingy and oh my god. Bro. I am DEVASTATED at my lack of funds 😭😭 I actually have to put it out of my mind bc if I think abt it excessively I get really sad 💔 ANYWAYYYSS SHOUTOUT TO SLAY THE PRINCESS 🗣️🗣️ so wonderfully made, beautiful artwork, stunning music…omg. Also grotesque at times but in a way that’s just so fundamentally different and unique? If that makes sense? It’s all so meaningful and connected and they manage to express so many emotions throughout a playthrough. I’ve got every achievement and I’m so happy I gave it a shot :) OH. Also One Shot! One Shot is great…oh my goodness. Woaw. This is making me realize how overly skeptical I am about every game I ever purchase in the history of ever LMFAOO why am I so overly critical 💀 like why do I always have to mull it over for months smh 😭

22. Do you watch any other gamers?

As of right now, no. Not routinely, anyways. I used to be obsessed with watching YouTube game playthroughs as a kid, but I’m not really all that into it anymore. However! I will say that what got me into the Persona franchise back when I was a 5th grade child (?!?!??) is Kubz Scout’s playthrough of it on YouTube! I watched him tons as a kid (someone should’ve been monitoring my internet access for sure 💀) and I still watch some of his gaming videos every now and then. So. Shoutout to Kubz Scout’s for introducing me to my favorite game franchise everrr!! 🗣️🗣️ absolutely crazy that I was watching Persona playthroughs in elementary school though LMFAOO every time I think abt it I’m like … where were my parents at !! 😭

[tellywoodtrash]

hiiiii tt!! hope ur doing well <333

i wanted some advice from you, if that's okay. i started college this year and the experience has been ... nothing like i imagined lol. basically, i've been lonely my entire life. i'm also autistic and i think thats part of why its so hard for me to make friends. i really thought college would change that, idk why. its not like i bought into the ultimate karan johar college fantasy or anything like that, i just thought it would be...better than my school life, at least. for the first month, it kind of was. i was talking to lot of people and even getting along with them, at least i thought i did. but then one by one everyone just, like, stopped talking to me??? i don't get it.

like, one of the first friend groups i made in college, almost all of them decided to join a college society together, while i decided not to because i wasn't really interested in that particular club. then they all but forgot about me, once they joined that society. they made new friends over there and of course, all of them were still friends among themselves, but it was like i didn't even exist anymore. maybe i shouldn't take it so personally but i genuinely made an effort to keep that friendship alive and literally got nothing in return from their side.

then i made friends with some other girls in my course and all three of them literally got boyfriends at the exact same time and they started ignoring me too. at this point i feel i am the problem. because the reason all of these people (who i have only known for a few months, at best) abandoning me hurts so much is because this is how i've been treated my entire life. and now i feel like i will never escape it. if i somehow haven't been able to form a genuine bond with ANYONE for my entire 18 years of existence on this earth, clearly something is very wrong with me. i have no friends (never had them in the first place) and i don't even get along with my family. i am so completely alone and i just do not know how to cope with that.

i'm tired of being ghosted by everyone i consider a friend and then only being remembered when they need something. they are only my friend when it's convenient for them. college was supposed to be a fresh start but it just proved that every new "start" of mine will have the same old ending. i hate to let my pessimism get the best of me but i have no hope left in me. i have always felt like i had so much love to give, but no one to give it to. now, however, i don't see the point in trying. i am scared to even try to talk to people at this point, i feel like i will just fuck it up like i always do.

this is way too long already and idek why i'm writing all this but thank you for reading ig. i hope ur doing better than i am 💗

Hi hi friend,

First of alll, come here youuuuu.

Secondly, it's not really you. It's just the age and inherent nature of most 18 year olds; they tend to be a little flaky and unreliable. Couple that with college being the first real taste of freedom desi kids get, and yeah...... This shit tends to happen. You're right in that you shouldn't take it personally. Sometimes people just don't vibe with each other and that's okay. Sometimes people are rude and uncommunicative, and again, that's on them, not you. You shouldn't let this stuff get you down or lose hope in ever finding your tribe. It takes time. Sometimes they're right in front of you and you don't really consider them your "kind" of person, until one random conversation/situation you're thrown into with them proves to you that they indeed are! All I am saying is that you have your whoooooooole life ahead of you, and you're going to meet soooooo many people through it, and you WILL meet someone or the other whose weird will match yours. Whether that be irl or online.

Your line of having so much love to give but no one to give it to really resonated with me, coz I've felt that way so many times in my life too. But there is someone who needs it - YOU. Give yourself that love and consideration. Use this time to build a strong sense of self and have an unshakable bond with yourself. Do the things you love and pamper + better yourself in every way that you feel like. Alone does not have to mean lonely, not at all. There's literally so much you can do by yourself, like take classes, volunteer, etc, that will be such an enriching experience to who you are as a person. In time, whenever your people do show up, they'll be a fun bonus. You won't NEED them, but they'll just be a wholesome addition to your grounded little life that centers all around yourself.

Sending you lots of love 🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖

[blockgamepirate]

So there’s another one of those cool Hermitcraft trivia posts circulating again which I kinda wanna reblog but also I’m feeling a little bit hesitant because some of the points seem maybe a little bit inaccurate or exaggerated? Like I’d like to fact check them first at least.

(Particularly what stuck out to me was the point about season two only happening because Joe did a coup, because that’s not how I understood that story the way Joe and Xisuma have told it? Or at least as far as I can remember... the impression I had was that Xisuma was mainly the person who took the initiative to keep the server going but Joe was one who broke the gridlock on whether or not they should add new members by just straight up inviting Cleo without asking the others.)

(So maybe a more accurate way to phrase it is that without Xisuma season 2 wouldn’t have happened, but without Joe, season 2 might not have had any new members. And at this point the only still currently active Hermits who were already on the server were X, Hypno and Joe, so the lineup could have turned out very differently, if the server had even survived past season 2.)

(I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure this is how I remember hearing it?)

But what actually annoyed me was this comment from someone (not OP, to be clear) in the notes:

(cut for discourse reasons)

#these people have been around for so long #compared to dsmp where its like new white guy who popped up in 2021 fully formed LMAO

(Don’t go looking for this please, and don’t harass this person, I’m just highlighting this because it’s an example of an attitude you see a lot. It’s not just this specific person who I don’t know at all and whose url I already forgot.)

So

1:

I don’t wanna start counting diversity points on each server like it’s a fucking game, but I DO wanna point out that the “white guy“ comment is pretty rich coming from a Hermitcraft fan.

Both servers have a white guy problem.

But at least with Dream SMP I can actually think of more than one creator who isn’t white, and it didn’t take them until season 2 to add a second female member...

(I know Hermitcraft is more of a private and closed group and they have extremely strict qualifications they demand from new members, plus every current member has veto power, so it’s much harder to add new Hermits than it is to add new DSMP members where it’s all decided by One Guy, but I think some frustration about this is still justified due to how big Hermitcraft is in the MCYT community.)

It’s also extremely annoying when apparently there was a whole thing where Hermit fans were insisting that Quackity is white during the sexyman polls?? Presumably just to excuse their shitty behaviour??? idek. (And I also heard on the other hand that there were some straight up racist comments made about Quackity as well. He literally cannot win, apparently.)

2:

What is this weird attitude towards new creators?? Yes, it’s cool that Hermitcraft has been around for over a decade and that the Hermits have all these cool histories in the community and even influenced the development of the game itself, but you can celebrate that without needing to put down new people, ffs.

I know it’s annoying when the new guys suddenly get more popular than your guys, but it happens, it’s the circle of YouTube. Please chill out. No need to be a hipster about it.

Besides, even if we don’t count people like Vikkstar who admittedly didn’t play on DSMP all that much, there were still people on the server who had long histories in the MCYT community:

Phil has been making Minecraft videos at least since 2012, when he started his first Hardcore Series, and holds the record for the longest running hardcore world to date. There’s a splash text in Minecraft referencing him (”Ph1lzA had a good run!”)

Techno started his channel in 2013 and was part of the Hypixel player council (or was it called the Elite Team back then? Not sure) since he was like 14 or 15, helping with testing and game design on many of the iconic Hypixel games before the server became the biggest Minecraft server in the world. He too has a splash text in the game (”Technoblade never dies!”)

BadBoyHalo has his own PVP server called MunchyMC which was launched in 2015 and before that he was part of the staff on a different PVP server.

Also while more recent, a whole bunch of DSMP members were also on SMP Live and SMP Earth back in 2019. In fact 2019 was when a lot of the DSMP members originally got their initial boost into popularity.

Honestly the only DSMP members who fit the description of “new white guy who popped up in 2021“ are like... probably Foolish and BoomerNA??

3:

I think you probably meant 2020 anyway, because that’s when Dream, George, Sapnap, Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo became popular. I assume so anyway because those are usually the white guys people actually seem to be talking about when they talk about DSMP white guys. (Obligatory note that Ranboo is in fact nonbinary though.)

tl;dr:

You can just hype up the Hermits and just not say anything about DSMP. That’s an option. Especially if you clearly don’t know that much about DSMP.

[celestie0]

ELLIEIEIEIEIE !! hi ☺️

hru bae???? good i hope?? i mean its only been a day but things happen fast yk !

bae i fear i might’ve angered the jjk fandom with this tiktok i made…. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLndcoEq/ 😓😓 LITTLE DO THEY KNOW I HAVE MORE IDEAS AHAHAAH (dont tell them i told u tho 🤫🤫)

ALSO OH MY GOD I SWEAR THE UNIVERSE HAS IT OUT FOR ME. i got covid 😭 idek how though 🫠 and i have so many upcoming plans 💔💔 I FEEL FINE THOUGH SO HOPEFULLY I’LL BE OKAY BY NEXT WEEK !!

and fr bae like leaving work, or graduating, or just leaving ppl who you care about is always so bittersweet ☹️ when i graduated i wrote my music teacher 2 letters (one from just me and one from all of the seniors) and she cried when she read them 😭 then we hugged and cried a bit more 😭 she also called me a menace for ending the one from all of the seniors with “Please don’t forget about us!” 🧍‍♀️ maybe that was a bit evil on my part but like…… a few of my friends jokingly yelled at me for it BUT IF THEY DIDNT WANT ME TO SAY THAT THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE LET ME WRITE THE LETTER.

anyway bae thats all for now 💗💗 i hope you’re doing better than i am and i love u soooo much !

much love,, your deer -🦌

(heh i stole from your pun 😆)

hiii bb i’m doing well!! got a lot of chores done today so i can chill tomorrow 😼 how are youuu?

OMG THATS A SAD TIKTOK PLS I WAS HAVING A GOOD NIGHT 😭😭 why would u DO THATT. i’m so sad i just wanna give yuuji a hug :(( he’s been through too much loss at such a young age

aaa no not covid omg i didnt know people still got that xD (im just joking bahha i saw a tiktok where someone said getting covid is so “out of style” now n i thought it was insane but kinda funny lol) i hope you feel better!! drink lots of fluids

AWW that’s such a sweet thing you did for her i bet she’ll always remember that :””) i would feel so happy if i was a teacher n my students did something like that. i baked cookies for my PI bc he really likes my cookies and he appreciate it LOL. yea goodbyes are always bittersweet

love u toooo my deerling please take care of yourself!! feel better soon <3 so much love from meeee

- ellie 🦢

[snailsgoingdowntown]

i loved your latest bsd work! also its v realistic (at least for me) bc i keep seeing these works of like, staying with them through thick and thin and while it is cute! kinda unrealistic 😭 i hope u have a good day 🫶

Gdhd thank you!!!

It really is unrealistic. A lot of people, myself included, would make the argument that everything would turn out alright if you would just stay. But that's neither healthy nor possible (majority of the time). Obviously yes, in some cases that works, but in many more it just won't.

I would know, because once upon a time I tried to stay with someone who was just... Toxic. It was not good for my mental health and I stayed up all night barely getting three hours of sleep in talking them out of well... Yeah.

The amount of times I cried and had mental breakdowns on the daily was not. Ideal. But it was exactly the memories of that, that made me think: "a relationship with these characters is impossible."

They have may issues that many people are just not equipped to handle, either because they were never told how or because they simply can't, regardless if they're in the same situation/have the same thoughts/feelings as these characters.

Like, realistically, ik many people would not be able to deal with Dazai. I wouldn't be able to, that man would make me fall down into a pit of despair where I return to my old habits and thoughts I don't want to go through again.

Kunikida would be horrible to deal with, at least Dazai would make a person laugh. He's way too strict and I have a fear of people like that, not only that, he tends to speak with his chest out in a loud voice. That's not a bad thing, but for him specifically, it makes him feel unapproachable, to me at least. If you're caught up with the manga, then you know how Aya's dad is, and I am afraid of him becoming like that if he were to ever find a lover or have a kid. Sure, it wouldn't be on purpose, but realistically, there is a decent sized chance that MIGHT happen.

I wouldn't be able to deal with Ranpo, we'd get into fights 24/7. He would make me cry and I would punch his face.

Chuuya... Haha, I honestly can't see him with anyone. Dazai and the sheep probably ruined that for him, along with that one guy in stormbringer who's name I forgot. They're lucky he still has trust in him for them.

Aku and higuchi are a very toxic dual, and keep in mind she likes him the way he is. So imagine if her affections were to shift to someone new, and based on how obsessive she is with him, it would probably be the same story, and remember, in one side story, she literally used her off day to stalk him. Not only that but she wanted to kill Gin simply because she THOUGHT she was romantically involved with Aku. And she did a total 180 when she found out she was his sister.

Tbh I think Gin would make a better choice for Higuchi cuz at least she doesn't slap her around.

But yeah, a relationship with any of these characters would probably be impossible for most, not all, but most. It's always good to be there for people, but please set boundaries, know your limits.

But yea, that's the joy of fan fiction, you can make anything work in fiction. But in reality it probably wouldn't. But fiction is nice. Idek what I'm saying anymore, it's 3am, but thank you for the ask and remember to take care of yourself too!!

[searchingfortheuniverse]

Miscellaneous Tag Game (pt. ii)

Tysm for tagging me @onehelluvamarine xxx

A band you don’t like that many others do: Uhhh I can't think of anything at the moment. I'm positive there is one but I cannot for the life of me think of one right now

A childhood memory that you remember vividly: So when I was. I want to say like 5? We went on a big family holiday to France and we stayed in this holiday home on a farm, and instead of getting a bedroom I actually slept on this little bed on a semi-landing thing, and I remember being in that bed and falling asleep with the rest of my family still chatting downstairs

Least favorite animal and why: The only thing coming to mind is spiders. Not little ones, they're fine, and not tarantulas either. But big house spiders. Because I have encountered them in too many places they Should Not Be

Hot fandom take: Umm idek. I guess maybe that crossover pairings need to stop being automatically considered crackships? Like, unless you're hitting me with that Impala/TARDIS shit or something, it might just be a regular old crossover rarepair ship imho

Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece: I basically always have a necklace and a ring on, and I love them both but the necklace is definitely my favourite. It's Thor's hammer, and it was a Christmas present

A movie others liked but you didn’t: The Dark Knight. Excellent performances but I just didn't really vibe with the Nolan Batman movies even though I really wanted to because I watched them at the height of my DC phase

Three things you love about yourself: My humour (I'm a pun master to the extent that some of my colleagues still bring up a joke I made when I started about 6 months ago), my hair, and the way I taught myself to paint my own nails and now they basically always look cool and interesting

A place you hope to visit in the future and why: As just a holiday: Crete because it's got some fascinating history. As a place specifically to visit people: if you're reading this and you know, you know >:)

An actor that gets on your nerves and why: If I ever meet Kevin Bacon it is ON SIGHT. I've never seen him in anything but X-Men but he's been in EE ads for so long he's driven me up the wall and I can't look at him any more

Things you’re excited for in the nearby future? I have a week off next week! Thank GOD

Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in: I've said it on this blog before so I'm hoping I'm not going to get mobbed for it but. Sledgefu. As I've said before I get it but I Do Not Vibe. Glad y'all are having a good time though!

What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in? I can't name it because it's tiny and this'll end up somewhere they'll find it. They were entitled and had a whole superiority complex going on. Last I heard they were STILL hung up on something that happened three years ago where they had beef with someone from another related fandom which blew up into a whole thing

List three things you find beautiful about life: My family, I'm so so lucky to have them and they're always so supportive. My friends, and the fact that I can have good friends who are so important in my life when they're so far away from me. And creating things generally, whether I'm doing it or someone else is, and making something that means something in some way

Any dreams for the future? Current, very mundane dream is to get a job that, even if it's not my biggest passion and I love doing it all the time, doesn't make me dread going in every day

How are you really feeling today? Uhh. Worn out. Kinda ill in a very general way. Seasonal depression is kicking my ass. But I managed to do a couple of important chores today so feeling good about that!

Tags: if you feel like it, then @bruin-coll, @noodleblade, @thesunlikehoney, @paperbrds, @hopefulsapphic and @sumquiasum!

[demoniccak-e]

listen i'm listening to purpose is glorious rn so i'm sad but whenever i say that good omens is my silly show i mean that in the way that i just need that in my life. like that silly show has kept me here for so long and i literally see the world differently bc of it

but like i constantly rewatch good omens and every single time i notice something new. it's as if rereading a book and you find a line that you missed that changes the entire scene. for example: when their in the cafe in season 2 in the background i believe it's bohemian rhapsody being played in a classical way. and there's the part where nina tells crowley that "you like that person. you do. that's what you've been feeling." and like i forget to keep that in mind that he realized that and as he walks down the stairs and he's looking curiously at him- it's sort of a look of confusion and then when he's looking out the window and watches him, and when he enters the bookshop and when he runs up to him i think that he's thinking: "i do like this person. and i though i knew everything i needed to about him, and yet he always surprises me." and also (one more I just really wanted to share this little bit of what i'm always thinking idek if anyone would read this) that line with jim, the line about "I feel, like, and empty house. (...) A house of someone who lived there for a long time, but now their gone, but the house can sort of tell where the things used to be- like when i remembered how it all began." and my first thought was terry pratchett.

no because like thats just from season two, whenever i think of season one i think of a lot of things. i think about the way that aziraphale was always so delighted to meet him after long, long, gaps. like they just- don't lose that familiarity with each other. and that like in eden, when aziraphale first met crawly now, and like they just clicked again. but a part of me is saying that maybe they didn't always talk the way that they did as angels. that maybe they weren't particularly friends but more like people who meet up sometimes to talk about the stars yk more like business partners because crowley later says the line "how long have we been friends? six thousand years!" and in season two he says "we've been talking for millions of years. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah." and those little bits just make me explode. (i would give other mentions like vinylatte (nina & maggie) or ineffable bureaucracy (beez & gabriel) or mutt & spouse ((i call them andrew bc that's the actors name)) or like anathema and newt but then i'd be here all day and no one actually wants to know all that.

another thing is how much they relate to songs. how i have literally connected so many songs to them whether it's queen, hozier, boygenius, noah kahan, big theif, adrianne lenker, the oh hellos, olivia rodrigo, whether it's instrumental music i can literally connect it to good omens somehow. like i have wrote so many song connections and essays (not posted anywhere but in my notes app giggles) and like it's literally what i think about. whenever i'm in class and listening to music and thinking of silly things they could be doing, or whether i'm at home walking around like a mad man thinking of them. ITS THEM IN MY HEAD IT'S JST THE ENTIRETY OF GGOD OMENS.

one last thing is the way that they help me view the world, like they have actually taught me so many things, it's insane. like with adam and crowley, he taught me that i don't actually have to be what is expected of me. and aziraphale (oh my god he's actually the best thing that has happened to me btw and that kiss scene hurt as well as healed me a wee bit) taught me how like- sometimes you can't run away. sometimes you have to face whats in front of you and take it. and he's also taught me to look between the lines, to look between the wedges of what people say. what i mean by that is, yeah crowley's the demon, the rule breaker, but like aziraphale also bends the rules in ways that are managable for him. he gives away his sword because it was to prioritize someone else that was important. that was important to god. (which is something that i desperatly would also like to talk about but once again we'd be here all day) furfur also has taught me something that i literally did not know i needed to hear but that your worth should not be measured by how productive you are. (I LOVE FURFUR SO DAMN MUCH.)

anyways thats my thought on my silly little shows i love these silly people they are the best thing that happened to me thank you neil for being a goofy man and go through a phase where you wore sunglasses inside so that terry pratchett could add that into crowley and thank you terry pratchett for creating agnes nutter because she is awesome

[meganwasbored]

The Dragon Prince Thoughts Season 2 Episodes 5 and 6

(I thought I posted this a week ago but apparently I accidentally saved it in my drafts instead but better late than never)

I finally have the time to watch more I swear this was the most stressful week of my life

Episode 5

-“Breaking The Seal” L E T T E R ?

-I think I’ve been patient enough just open the dang letter before I lose my mind

-“I’ve done terrible things” shoot I forgot he said that is he talking about killing the dragon king or something related to that

-slightly confused about how these kingdoms work, are there multiple kingdoms within Katolis, or are these kings and queens from outside of Katolis

-“it seems I am a crown without an adult, and you are an adult without a crown” !!!!!!!!!

-BOOM GET HUMBLED

-ofc Viren had to make this all dramatic, literally just showing off at this point

-a NEW threat?? Haven’t y’all been at war for idek how many years?? How is any of this new??

-“there are reports of shadows in the clouds, dragons” MORE DRAGONS

-I take it back this room is boring, bring back the special effects

-I can’t tell if the others are scared of the elves or scared of whatever Viren just did

-I was confused why Ezran seems so chill about his father dying but then I remembered that he doesn’t even know, man this is gonna hurt

-“I won’t send my armies to face unknown danger over a two minute speech. I may be a child but apparently I’m the least impulsive of us all. Besides, I hardly call ‘we’ll do what everyone else says’ a decision.” GIRL

-I may as well quote absolutely everything Queen Aanya says because she’s my new hero

-“Sweet words can be more dangerous than hidden daggers”

-don’t mind me just crying over this flashback scene oh my gosh

-“I know you will stand by me through anything” Whoops actually he just stood there as you were murdered and is now trying to kill both your sons

-bruh even baby Ezran is a menace when it comes to jelly tarts

-“why do I deserve this? What did I do except being born with everything?” Harrow buddy you deserve the world

-Viren is a master manipulator and while it makes me wanna hurt him you gotta admit he knows how to get what he wants

-NO POOR BAIT JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

-dude it looks like Viren actually cared about Harrow a lot what the heck happened to him

-Sarai is literally so awesome why do all the best characters die, this better not become a trend

-Obviously the titan isn’t actually dead idc how dead they think he looks they just went “oh he’s not moving so I’m gonna hammer a stake through him, what can go wrong?”

-Callum and Bait being besties is something I didn’t know I needed

-THE SEAL IS BROKEN I REPEAT THE SEAL IS BROKEN

-fire titan dude is pretty ugly like uglier than I thought he would be

-Venus fly trap looking head

Episode 6

-LETTER TIMEEEEEE

-why did they put this at the beginning I shouldn’t be crying this early in the episode

-they took the dragon egg MONTHS ago??? Did they say this before cause I thought it was like years ago, I’m so confused with this timeline

-IT JUST CUTS OFF???

-YALL BETTER NOT BE MAKING ME WAIT AGAIN TO HEAR TO REST OF THAT LETTER I SWEAR

-oh my gosh I’m freaking stupid this story is how his mom dies isn’t it

-“the injured must be left behind” right when past-Viren earns my respect again he says stupid stuff like that

-“you wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t your wife’s sister” well I don’t see a ring on your finger so how would you know

-“I ask you and your brother to reject history as a narrative of strength, and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love”

-all these flashback scenes are so cute I just know I’m gonna rewatch the heck outta this episode

-“Rayla, that’s a funny name” it’s literally the most normal name out of every character we’ve met

-The boat guy (I forgot his name so I’m just gonna call him Boat Guy) encouraging Rayla to literally kill people is hilarious

-“I’ve never actually killed anyone”

“Maybe someday! Never give up on your

dreams!”

-“with the heavy heart of the titan, and the additional burden of carrying the wounded” I actually wanna punch him through the screen just the way he said that makes me so mad, like he’s bitter about Harrow not wanting to leave most of their soldiers there to die

-Zym steals my heart all over again every second he’s on screen

-“you can’t control where the river goes, there’s one thing you can know and control, yourself”

-“I want to talk to you about life and growing up and how sometimes there are changes you don’t expect” WAIT IS THAT THE THING CALUM SAID TO EZRAN I THINK THATS THE THING CALLIM SAID TO EZRAN

-“free yourself from the past, learn from it, understand it, then let it go” y’all don’t understand how much I needed to hear this rn

-I KNOW YOURE NOT TELLING THIS POOR GRIL WHAT HER MOTHERS WOULD HAVE WANTED TO GET HER VOTE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT HER MOTHERS WOULD HAVE WANTED

-Viren throwing a baby tantrum the second someone tells him no is hilarious, the child in the room is more mature than he will ever be

-that fact that Harrow gave Callum the cube of all things makes it seem like he knew that Callum was gonna be a mage

-“extra-super-secret-bonus-secret” I love him so much we lost him way too soon

-DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON