#id definitely have to take better care of myself and maybe learn how to social media better to engage with that tho

[howaboutahat]

I hate that you saw that employment poll bc the only collar you should ever see is the one i'm pulling on to get you closer to choking on my cock

Youre so right, anon. I shouldn't have to work, I should only have cock in my throat. I feel so valid and seen, thank you 🥹

[tonberry-yoda]

it is midnight and that means its saturday so i am here for my matchup 🤭 in all honesty i have been wanting to request one from u for so long bc i love the way u write your matchups loll, but ANYWAYS! could i pls get a haikyuu matchup? i go by she/her, im straight nd i’d like a romantic matchup 🫡 so im like 5’2 i think, dyed black hair (goes a bit past my shoulders and my natural color is brown), brown eyes, and i have a lot of freckles on my face. i have my septum and both sides of my nose pierced along with a few ear piercings.im an ambivert so how i act definitely depends on the environment im in but with the right people im very outgoing (very chatty lol). but my social battery also gets drained v fast so after big social gatherings i need some time to recover (usually recovering = taking a long nap). i get really snappy if i my social battery is drained so the whole recovery thing is v important lmao. i am also a very sleepy person, my friends like to joke that im chronically tired lmfao, i take naps almost every day and if im in a car, sitting down in class or doing something like that i probably will fall asleep. i cannot control it T_T i also trip, run into things, drop things, etc. all the time. my house could be dead silent and then out of nowhere u just hear a crash and “what the fuck” yea thats me sorry 🤫🤫 i also like to tease ppl a lot, not in a flirty way more like in a provoking way (i cant flirt i have 0 rizz). moving on!! some things i look for in a relationship r someone who can be patient with me and dont mind reassuring (if they do it without me asking its 100x better). i love when show theyre thinking abt me through little things like “oh i was at the store and i saw your fav candy so i picked it up” or “i saw your favorite flowers on my walk home and thought of you” id cry. also someone who isnt afraid to show they care (not in a sense of like pda but moreso they arent too prideful to do dumb stuff like dance with u at 2 am in the kitchen). anyways my type! they dont have to be like 7ft tall but maybe 5’9 or 5’10 +. i like funny guys but not funny at the expense of others. i also really like guys that are able to actually respect me as a person. i pride myself on being really smart and mature (when i need to be lol) and i genuinely would not be able to stand someone that saw me as any less than that. OK MOVING ON! hobbies/ interests! i love music. so much. music is my creative outlet and how i express myself. i annotate song lyrics. i connect with music through personal experience its just so so important to me. i am learning how to play the electric guitar so i can connect with it even more. my favorite artists rn are the 1975, mitski, ptv and sleeping with sirens:p although im always open to expanding my music taste!! i also like to play some video games(obsessed with animal crossing lately lol). aand my love language is words of affirmation. sorry if this is really long T_T and if you dont get to this no biggy but if you do tsym!<3

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD THIS MORNING LMFAOOOOO. and that little note at the beginning is so sweet! i am so glad i am able to do a matchup for you anon!! okay, so i have a perfect little dude for you, but it may be random so bear with me. i love this man, so i hope you do too!

the character I chose for you is...

KEISHIN UKAI!!!

OKAY

HEAR ME OUT!

ukai is flippin hot

i would love to be in your shoes

(he's my fav haikyuu character besides tanaka, so you're lucky frrr)

he would love your piercings

he's a piercing fella himself (he's what made me want to get my second ear piercings lmfaoooo)

like he thinks it's high key hot

he's also an ambrivert, so both of your personalities match up really well

he is totally understanding of your drained social battery (plus, he gets the same way) so he'll just let you nap while he works or leave you alone if needed

WILL 100% TAKE NAPS WITH YOU

like will hold you in his arms and nap a whole day away when he gets the day off

you will always knock over things in his shop and he'll just laugh or wait for you to pick it up while dead staring at you lmfaoooo

he'll definitely know if you walk in when he hears a whole ass display get knocked over

he thinks it's cute when you tease him even if you say it isnt about flirting, his dumbass thinks it is which is fine by you so you can tease him more often

the real reason i picked this guy is because of what you said about him bringing you things that made him think of you

like this man will roll up with a chocolate bar and shove it in your hand with a pile of chips shoved in his mouth and say "I thought of you today at the store and grabbed this"

he doesnt see it as much, but you are over the moon about it

when he finds out about how much you love it, he will keep doing it

he is very patient and caring for you and literally only has eyes for you

he also always gets you to laugh, which always makes his day

please play music for him

he will have heart shaped eyes if you do

he will 100% play videogames with you, but you have to teach him how to play half of the time lmfaoooo

he will always tell you how much he loves you and how pretty and amazing you are frfr

if you go to any of his practices or games when he is coaching, he will brag about you

(i am so sorry this took so long i forgot it was in my drafts. i hope you love it nonetheless though!!!)

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[hearthandheathenry]

everyone supposedly has an fs and soulmate yada yada yada but if we havent met ours and if we dont care to really date anyone would it matter if we passed away early, like would our fs or soulmate feel it? do we have to have our lives put together in order to form the connection with our fs?

so many ppl including relatives and cousins either have their lives put together or theyre certainly doing something right and they have all either got their partners or careers and im just like how is that not happening for me then i question if i even want that and then i think well it doesnt matter cause i will die eventually so whats the point?

honestly im not fussed abt existing these days, like im not anyone special i dont have a need to achieve things anymore, used too but then i said fuck it and gave up on trying to exist and succeed. its always something like im either at the wrong place or wrong timing or some other situation in the past that held me back from going for something, or i just lacked what i needed to succeed or im too old not young enough not pretty not rich enough its always that im seemingly not something enough and if life is always abt trying to be a people pleaser instead of pleasing ourselves then im done lol. i will gladly yeet myself out of society and into heaven if i have too as thats probably the only point where id be truly happy as i wouldnt have to do anything ever again and i would never have to feel regret or shame for not having my life put together at this age.

sorry for ranting but im just so over being a person, it has severly sucked. wouldnt recommend instead be a rock in ur next life if there even is a next life, if theres a next life then i would also be done with that full stop too. and the thing about soulmates or even trying to get a partner is its yet another thing that you have to be almost attached to them 24/7 like friends where people can and will dissapoint you over and over and a lot of people will pretend to like you then only want something from you for their benefit so again whats the point when wanting a partner or even a social group? but if we donr have that we are never going to be on anyones radar anyway? might as well not bother with any of it tbqfh.

again sorry for ranting but either i want to not feel like i lack so much even in skills or talents and most times i just want to be a nobody oh wait thats what i already am haha.

Woah! First and foremost, I want to tell you that life is worth living and your life matters. Truly. For no other grand reason but that you are YOU and your purpose is being here, or you wouldn't exist. The universe has a reason for you to be here, or multiple reasons, and you matter, even if you struggle to find that reason(s). And please, let me know if you need help finding resources for mental health.

Second, I think a lot of people feel all these things, and I definitely have felt this way in the past. Maybe sometime I'll write my life story and how things have changed over the years or something, idk. BUT, you are not alone, and there is help out there and ways to make your life better, no matter your situation. Your life could be complete crap and you would still be able to turn it around. I am a firm believer in this.

The caveat, though? Its your choice, and your hard work that makes your life what you make it. We are all given different circumstances but just because we are born in some mud doesn't mean we have to wallow in it. The happiest and most fulfilled people have made the active choice to pull themselves out of their depression and habits and have changed themselves and their lives through emotional and physical labor. Life is not easy. It never claimed to be. THAT SAID, though, life is easier the more aligned you get with the universe and everything around you, and is truly breathtaking, and that comes with healing and changing. You learn psychology (how to take control of your mind), the ways of the world (how to build a support system and community), the metaphysical ways of the world and things we can't explain (some people call this spirituality or religion), and a past time that you genuinely enjoy (some people call this a purpose or sometimes its just a way to make money/survive), and you end up creating a life for yourself that you enjoy. That is the secret to living a happy life. Not higher education, not certain jobs, but honing in those skills will unlock the (seemingly) secret of being happy and will help lead to everything falling in place. A support system is usually the first step because figuring ourselves out is hard and we will need support, then we start mastering our minds and thoughts, and then we usually move onto spirituality to help us answer things our logical mind can't explain, and then we usually find our purposes or things that make life worth living. Things that truly make us glad to be alive.

We all reach a breaking point in our lives (anyone heard of the famous midlife crisis?) and are then given a choice of what we want to do. Usually there's truly no way but up, because the other option is to simply give up and not live. And we, intrinsically, really do want to LIVE. Maybe just not the life we were living. So we get help. Professional help. We reach out to our loved ones and figure out who we can actually rely on when we're at our worst. We build our support network while we work on our minds with the professionals. We start our journey of mastering our minds and working in conjunction with our bodies again instead of giving up. We work on our anxiety, depression, mental issues, and stop overworking ourselves and ignoring our body's signals for rest or change. And then we're left with other questions and needs, so we start delving into spirituality and religion. We start looking at the world around us and society in a different light, because obviously the way society trained us isn't working. The system doesn't work. It wasnt made for spiritual beings, it was made for work drones. And humans are not work drones. Some people find solace in certain religions. Some people just adopt different spiritual practices. We all answer our questions in different ways. We're all living in our own realities and through the lens of our own minds that are wired differently. And then our community and support networks grow. And our minds grow. And our abilities grow. And we start to see these little glimmers of hope of why we like being alive. We look at things in a new light. And then maybe we finally see our purpose, the one outside of just being (which is our main purpose), and, big hint, it usually has something to do with helping others for a lot of people. It is almost never a specific job or title or actual act of doing something. Its an idea. A construct. Maybe we were made to help teach others. Maybe we were made to bring joy to others. Maybe we were made to create with others. Maybe its all these and more. It usually has something to do with connecting with others, which is where we all find the most happiness. Being seen and heard. Helping others be seen and heard. Making a difference, finding meaning. Our hearts and our minds know the plan long before we realize it.

We all have the power to get here. But its a choice. And its a tough one. But its one every single one of us is capable of making. We start by choosing ourselves. By choosing to love ourselves. By radical self love and compassion. And once we choose ourselves, then we can start connecting with others in a more meaningful way, instead of people-pleasing or living for others wants or wishes. We need to be authentically ourselves first. It all starts with you. The real you deep down.

So, I do not have the answers to the questions you ask. The philosophical questions you brought forth is different for everyone, because everyone believes something different. What I say doesn't matter if it does not resonate with your truth and your reality. And no one truly knows these things or has the answers until we have left this world, and the fun part about life is experimenting and trying to figure out the questions while we're here.

What I will say, is finding the answers is easier when you don't skip steps. You seem to have a lot you need to ask yourself before asking others, and finding what matters most to you and figuring out why you have the questions you do and what that means mentally and emotionally. I sense a lot of anxiety and depression and anger and grief and self confidence issues, which will get in the way of a lot of things you are talking about achieving or have questions about if they are not processed and addressed. These are all normal things to deal with, but still things that need to be dealt with.

I could rattle off my own personal opinions about everything you ask, but again, it will not resonate with you if its not for you, and the mental blocks will still be there even after.

Having answers to things does nothing for us if we do not know how to use the information given to us.

Work on yourself and learn how to use information to make changes, and you will start to understand more about the world and things in it, even unseen.

The information I've given above tends to ring true for everyone I've encountered in life thus far, no matter age/gender/race/etc. People just figure it out at different ages and stages in their lives. But even religions tend to agree on these necessary steps taken to reach a higher place in our lives. I hope that it's helpful enough to start you on your journey towards everything you want, and lead you to a life that makes sense for you and one that you find happiness in.

(Adding this post to my pinned list under "How To Find Happiness" for anyone else who may need to hear this information)

[sereniv]

Maybe trying to connect with afro indigenous people in real life is better however I don’t know how to do that. African features are very diverse so I can’t just go off appearances and assume that they’re native and same goes for other indigenous people. There’s no set way to look native of course and also I don’t know where I could go in my area to try and connect with them.

I try to navigate through social media spaces because it’s just easier with my anxiety and also because it’s the best option I have as of right now. I’m sorry ! I’m not trying to make it harder for you and you’ve given me so much advice and so much comforting. I appreciate all the effort you’ve offered already and I’m definitely not taking it for granted. I also really appreciate you looking for me it means a lot. I tried again to look on Reddit but I admit I don’t know how to really navigate it and I also don’t remember the groups you’ve last recommended. I was still sorta met with a lot of comparisons and anti blackness of course but I really am trying to move through it (very hard). A part of me wants to just reconnect by myself but I crave learning from elders and with others. I’m very conflicted and of course with time I’ll come to my conclusion but right now I feel very lost in myself.-🦪

Firstly dont feel like youre making it hard on me, its hard on you! But its true i dont have much left with advice unfortunately

Though my situation is different, im learning the language slowly at my own pace and thats really the most active reconnecting im doing rn.

Because im shy too, and though you have a whole extra layer on why other connecting ways arent great, i think that at the end of the day, you shouldnt be expected to force anything

you shouldn't be putting yourself in harms way just to prove you "really mean it" with reconnecting.

Youre no less native for protecting your wellbeing and only doing what you can. And that may little pieces of things, like learning history or learning a word a month, or just figuring out emotions and what your connection looks like

And even then, maybe theres a bad taste in your mouth rn. But you have time to think about this, always have to remember you have time. Give yourself the time you need to heal from the shit youve had to see and hear, and come back to it, or aspects of it, later.

Its normal to feel lost, even more so with the situation you have. And i want to say it gets better but i dont know. I know its gotten a little better for me but i also dont have to deal with racism

Reconnecting isnt just about action, but about internal feelings. Its confidence i guess.

And if you need to take the time to just...think, then thats ok. Or even not think, thats ok to.

And i know you are not alone in what youre going through. Know that there are MANY afro indigenous people besides you, that felt lost, that felt like just giving up or choosing one or the other

You dont have to be strong and ignore everything and fight through it. Its enough just taking care of what you need.

One thing that i can suggest that might help or might be fun which is what i started doing (but ive taken a break because adh), is getting a little pad of paper like pocket sized, and some gel pens, and write out the english word and then the Mvskoke word, and then a little picture or pictures to illustrate that

Doesnt have to look good, if anything you dont want to put much effort into it. it should be fun and non stressful.

And for reddit id say r/mixedrace is good because its people who are mixed. But ill make a post for you and vet it. Just to make sure

I really hope youre doing ok and youre taking time for yourself! And i hope you have something that can distract you and make you feel better ❤️

[luckyrunawaysweets]

Beware of Devaniux

Hey, guys!

Never heard of me? Doesn't matter. You probably will in the future. Why? ;) Because your beloved bitch queen Devaniux aka Chiine aka TIne is DEFINITELY going to hoot about me :D Sorry, darling, you are not the only one who loves to fuck Yami-Marik ;D Deal with it.

So, why this catchy headline, hm? I want to warn everybody not to get caught of her precious art and "vulnerable" posts and tweets. Tine (Devaniux) is a narcissist at the finest!

A person that wields the ban hammer if someone DARES to contradict her or worse: CRITIZE her! Goddamn!

A person who throws tantrums like a child if she doesn't get her will. A person who threatens to KILL herself, ONLY to get attention and "oh, please don't! you and your art are amazing, beautiful... blah... blah... blah..." On top, this person is a known scammer! The least you could demand for those unspeakable commission prices is a result that you, as the buyer, like! But no, missy walks her way and even calls you out, bans you and denies any changes, even though it was agreed beforehand. She then complains about you and sends her flying monkeys after you.

What are flying monkeys? Well, they are better known as the narcissist's little helpers. They will slander about you and attack you. They spread lies and death threats towards you and others. BUT: The narcissists leans back in their chair and can play the innocent ones. They didn't ask the monkeys to bash you, right? ;)

Oh, Tine... I have seen so many of your victims... I felt so sorry for some of the last ones... they really tried to help you. And you still pull the same shit only to say, it is never your fault... your behavior or your way to treat people:

Hm... why is that? Is it really only because of you not posting art regularly? Well, let me tell you a secret: If people love your art (and maybe you as the person you present on the social media), they will stay. But I assume, it is because of those tweets:

Talking about yourself, eh? You still haven't understood the game of action-reaction. People gave you a kind, constructive feedback. You insulted them. People asked you harmless questions or commented on your artworks (in a positive way!). You took it as criticism and set your white knights (flying monkeys) at those people.

Tine destroyed MANY LIVES by her entitled behavior! Be careful when interacting with her. As nice as her art may be, the worse the person behind it acts.

Guys, this was a first rant about a sheer ENDLESS topic... I know, I know, I didn't even scratch the surface... however, I don't want to have your time wasted entirely. So, here are some ways to deal with Tine/Devaniux:

She is the boss, you are nothing (you have to pay her... but you are still worthless :D)

She MUST be the center of attention! No exceptions!

You must kiss her ass 24/7. She says, life is pointless and she wants to kill herself? Well, promise to commission her and see how her mood changes.

Depression is a bitch. I have it myself and I can confirm how horrible it is. But you can learn how to deal with it. Talking about it is fine. But it is all to an extent. Be prepared, Tine uses her mental state to pressure you and abuse you emotionally.

If she ever opens a new discord, have your phone ready, take a screenshot of your timezone, post all your socials, your credit card number, your ID-card, and of course, your CV since your mother pushed you out. (I don't joke... okay, maybe a little.)

NEVER EVER talk about Yami Marik! That girl seriously gets hilariously mad if anyone dares to say "I like YM, too!" Don't! You will be blacklisted for all eternity.

Please don't mention that she once drew r*pe art, then felt uncomfortable with it and now does it again... she glorifies this act. I heard of victims who draw it as a way of therapy. But Chiine, oh Tine (those fucking self-inserts *rolls eyes*) actually wants to be taken by force - but only by Yami Marik ;)

Tine, my darling, I am sure you will read this. When you're not drawing, or threatening to kill yourself in front of real fans (that are too empathic and compassionate to sense the trap) you are out and scan the internet for posts like that about you, am I right? :)

You know how horrible you are. You know it deep inside your heart. And we know, you know. I am not alone... remember "S" and "T"? No? Nevermind. ;**

Oh, before I forget about it: Call me "K". ;)

[twisted-lies]

hi kokichi! id appreciate a kin match up! i’m adding this after i’ve written the whole thing, and it turned out a lot longer than i’d plan. if this is too much for you let me know and i’ll shorten it as needed! thanks for running this blog, and i hope your day - evening - night is going wonderfully.

i have a light and cheerful personality. i’m also shy, so i mainly speak when spoken to. ive had the same group of friends for as long as i can remember. i can’t say we’ve gotten so close we know everything about each other anything like that, but when i’m with them it’s just a comfortable place i can relax. my position in the group would be the ‘baby’ of the group. i don’t really like being called a baby, but i can’t think of a better term for that haha. but, everyone in the group is very nice to me. i get a lot of physical affection from everyone there, and they’ll buy me pretty much anything. of course, i’ll attempt to return the favor when i can. but not having much money myself, i’ll usually make them something. i’m messy with most things, so it doesn’t turn out as good as i’d like it most the time but they still seem to appreciate it.

outside of that group, i consider myself pretty friendly. i invite girls i think would have fun with us to join our group outings, as well as people i think just need a friend. it isn’t uncommon for me to get denied though, and i’ll continue trying unless they told me to stop asking all together. besides that, i get overwhelmed in social situations easily if im not the one leading them. i can also be really emotional, i don’t handle yelling well and failure of doing anything is really overwhelming for me. i find crying in front of other embarrassing, but it’s not uncommon for me to do that.

i have pretty negative sides to me though. i can occasionally be kind of manipulative and spoiled. i love getting gifts, it makes me feel like someone really cares about me. i keep every gift i get and i kind of hoard them. but, if there’s something i’ve had my eye on for a while that’s where i can be manipulative. most people would do anything for me if i act nice to them or smile at them, sometimes people feel bad after seeing me cry. as a result they’ll usually buy me a gift out of pity, appreciation, even sometimes just to get me away from them. of course, i appreciate these gifts all the same but every time i look at them i feel guilty. this is usually when i’ll take what money i have and buy them something i know they will enjoy. while the usual reaction is feeling guilty i will admit i’ve kept some pretty expensive gifts while not doing anything in return.

as first impressions, people mostly see me as child like and emotional. the emotional part is pretty true. i cry easily, especially when i fail something or can’t meet my own expectations. the hardest things for me to deal with are goodbyes. even if it’s just someone moving a town over i get really close and attached to them the second i hear they’ll be leaving soon. every time someones left, it’s been pretty abrupt. i’ve been told it’s probably because they don’t want me to be sad, or they don’t wanna see me cry. but it just hurts more. sure i’ll cry, but at least i’ll get too legitimately say good bye. even if i barely know someone, everyone is pretty fine with being affectionate with me. some people treat me more like some cat than an actual person, which can make me uncomfortable sometimes. the most extreme case is being pulled onto the lap of someone i just met, in a diner no less. it was embarrassing, and i’m sure it looked ridiculous. while i’m very short myself, sitting on top someone whose only a few inches taller than me probably looks awkward. i put a fair amount of effort into my appearance, usually going for a ‘cute’ loook above anything else. this usually includes big hoodies with thigh highs or a cardigan and a skirt. people have told me i have delicate features, but i’m still confused if they meant it as a insult or compliment. for now my goal is to improve myself, i understand that i won’t always make the best choices and that i’m not that good of a person sometimes. so i’ll work hard to be a better friend to those i know and welcome people who may be lonely.

as for my interests, i enjoy technology. that’s vague, but what i mean is everything i do usually happens on the internet. i have my phone on me at all times, and sometimes i’ll digitally doodle and stuff like that. id like to make an app one day, maybe an app that’ll help people like me. i’m kind of a scatter brain so an app to help people stay organized would be great. i know there are many like that out there but i would like to make a unique one. i also like building PCS, they’re expensive though. i’ll make/help someone make them if they bought all the parts for it. basically, anything to do with tech i’ll love. i also play in band, percussion to be specific. i also collect things such as old knickknacks, but that’s mainly because it’s a family tradition. i also learned how to clean fragile things like that. i’m unsure on whether or not this will help you, i’m an INFP when it comes to MTBI personality types.

wehh, this ended up so long im sorry about that.

I kin assign you with...

Kokichi Ouma

Firstly I thought of Kokichi Ouma, Kokichi is usually presents himself as cheerful and happy infront of the others. He probably has the same friend group for a while basically like DICE. His appearance was made to look more like an innocent like child or in your case "baby" If he's with the right people he could probably get a lot of affection, which is something he overall just craves as well. He probably could also buy you something if you ask him, most likely not just doing it out of the blue. He tries to make friends sometimes and ends up getting denied easily though, Shuichi being an example towards the very end of the game. Though of course he didn't really stop trying until after the 4th trial I believe. He could probably get caught off guard if he isn't the one starting a conversation which could overwhelm him, but he won't show you that. He usually ends up crying when yelled at even if it's crocodile tears, he could also just over exaggerate it so you don't know if it's real or fake. He definitely has a manipulative side, using his innocent looking looks to his advantage to try and get what he wants, which he usually can end up succeeding. He can definitely be seen as child-like as well. If someone he knows is leaving he'll probably do his best to spend time with them before they do leave.

Chihiro Fujisaki

Secondly I thought of Chihiro, Chihiro is definitely a sweet and cheerful person. Though they can be pretty anxious at times. They'd probably tend to stick to people they know just so they'd have some sense of comfort. Theu definitely would be called baby by their friends and they'd probably buy them a few things. Chihiro obviously doing their best to give what they can back to them. Even if it was something after they cried. They'd probably also give Chihiro a lot of affection to make sure they know their loved. They're pretty friendly and if they build up enough courage they'll probably talk or invite someone to hang out with them. Chihiro can get overwhelmed easily and especially in social situations. They're pretty emotional too and can't really handle being yelled at and probably get upset over their failures. Chihiro doesn't exactly like crying infront of others though it's not uncommon for them. Chihiro can definitely be seen as child-like and emotional and probably can't handle goodbyes very well. Chihiro loves anything to do with technology! Whether it be coding or just straight up making something all together if they're able too.

Ibuki Mioda

Lastly I thought of Ibuki Mioda, Ibuki is definitely more of a cheerful or happy person she'll like to stick to people she knows, but will definitely branch out and try to be friends with anyone she thinks need it. She'll also be pretty persistent about it untill she's told to straight up just stop. She probably recieves a lot of affection and gives a lot in return. Whenever someone gives her something she'll do her best to return the gesture with a small gift or something she makes up on the spot. Though some of her attempts can come out pretty messy. She definitely can be seen as child-like as well due to small outbursts she may get. Ibuki will hate staying goodbye to people and will get clingy or really affectionate and probably be upset for a while once they actually leave. She probably also takes a good amount of time into her appearance due to multiple piercings and her hair. She also loves music and will do pretty much anything she can that will revolve around it. She's also probably a hoarder of things.

I hope you're satisfied with your results!

You don't have to worry about it being long, I've had multiple about this length or longer so it wasn't a problem! I hope you have a good rest of your day, evening, or night as well!

[antonradke-music]

DJ’s: YOU AREN’T PRODUCERS. TAKE THAT WORD OUT OF YOUR SOCIAL BIOS.

Possibly controversial opinion:

TLDR: DJ's: If you're not posting original music, edits, remixes, or anything of the sort. Please don't put "producer" in your SoundCloud bio. It's alot like that guy in High School who would say "Yea man I play guitar, I shred like, all the time" then you hand him a guitar and he just starts goin ham with a poorly executed and under-practiced "Smoke on the Water" or "Enter Sandman" opening riff. On repeat. The entire time he plays. Except with DJ/Producers you can't just hand someone a laptop to "hear them shred on a DAW" so its alot easier to get away with in our EDM world.

FULL RANT: There is a huge difference between "DJ" and "Producer" and there isn't a single thing wrong with just being a "DJ" and not both. People still need and want DJ mixes. There's zero shame in admitting that you don't, or don't know how to, produce music.

  It only bugs me (and to be clear, it doesn't even bug me all that much) coz producers like myself and my friends spend countless hours learning and mastering our craft, so that title of "producer" is somewhat earned in my opinion. You can't just download a DAW and say "I'm a producer" if you've never once truly used it.

  Producers create. DJ's mix. If your SC page is only mixes, you're a DJ. If your SC page contains original content/music you created yourself, then there's nothing wrong with adding that "producer" bit in your bio. Even if what you're posting is ID's, WIPs, ideas, bootlegs, etc. It doesn't need to be fully finished and mastered music.  If you created it, you produced it, you are a producer on some level (beginner/intermediate/TUNE GOD, etc)

If you're a DJ now, and are just now learning to produce, just wait until you start posting/uploading your tunes. THEN add that fabled "producer" title to your socials.

  I'm also not alone. Myself and several of my producer friends have expressed at least some frustration towards the DJ's that both call themselves a producer in their socials and even (sometimes) out in public. It can definitely be a "wtf" moment (and this has literally happened to me before) when you are talking to someone, be it an Entertainment/Booking manager or a bigger DJ, telling them about your music and your work. Then another DJ shows up and starts doing the same. But you know that person, and you're aware of the fact that they've never made a tune or have even tried to start learning.

  Now there's the possibility that someone who's never worked on tunes in their life could get the credit or booking that you were working so hard for, and they didn't spend a minute doing the same. They just happen to be VERY good at talking to promoters, knowing what they want to hear, and manipulating the truth to fit a narrative that will get them hired or booked. And this has happened to me. They ended up getting a better time slot than me as they grossly exaggerated their SoundCloud stats, and played a song to the promoter by an underground artist claiming that it was their own. I kept my mouth shut. I should have spoken up, but I didn't think his ploy would work and I was new to that particular local scene, I wanted to avoid burning bridges or looking salty/bad. His set ended up being really rough, he'd lied about knowing CDJ gear (he didn't), spent an hour trainwrecking almost every transition, the dance floor was empty by the end of his set, he left the venue in a hurry afterwards and I've never seen him since.

Unfortunately it's not like many local event managers actually care. They just want a good DJ, and they'll often believe you if you tell them you're more than just a DJ. They likely don't have a reason to doubt you, and often don't care enough to check the validity of those claims. Or maybe they don't even know the difference between "DJ" and "Producer"

So in in summary: DJ's. You're not producers. Not unless you make your own music/Unless you are a creator. And just for the record, opening a DAW, playing with Serum for a few minutes, and tossing a few loops into a bus/channel doesn't count. Take the time to learn properly how to write progressions/melodies, program sequences, mix-down your track elements, structure your tune and bonus points for doing it all without presets (learn sound design) and without loops (learn drum & pattern sequencing) If you have that DAW installed, you're already sooo much farther ahead than tons of others in your position. Hit up YouTube for some tutorials and you're on your way! 

In Conclusion: Please. Please. PLEASE don't take credit for the kind of work producers spend up to 10-15 hours a track doing (my average time to finish a song entirely). You could cost a talented soul a gig or time slot they've been busting their asses for for years. There really isn't anything wrong with being JUST a DJ. Its a good thing, and still a valid and useful skillset with tons of work/gig opportunities. I played plenty of gigs before I really started calling myself a "producer". You may not get the best timeslots as compared to producers. But be honest with yourself, you could be a fantastic DJ, but who most deserves good timeslots at events? The guys with something to promote. A product to offer. And that product is their creative content/music/whatever. And that guy could be you, you just need to take the time to learn and work hard at honing your craft and skillsets.

  Soooo take "producer" out of your bio if all you're posting is mixes and mashups. And if your bio says it, or you identify as a Producer, you better expect me to fuckin test you on it cause I will. Immediately. And if you don’t pull a home made, non-plagiarizing, ORIGINAL piece of creative expression/content out of your ass in that very moment then I swear to Cthulhu I will perform a social/career crucifixion (alot like “social/career suicide” except I do it to you) on you. Your ‘music career’ ends right there on the spot, ESPECIALLY if you play some underground artist and act like its your music and take credit for it. That’s just so far from ok. And I WILL notice. I was an underground non commercial radio DJ for over 2 years. and a lifelong enthusiast all around. Trust me. I will know. So just be honest with yourself, and others. Please, and thank you.

           - Signed, bedroom producers the world over.

PS - I’m SERIOUS guys. I won't stay silent next time. If I see a DJ try to take credit for another artists work (especially while talking to promoters, and especially taking credit for underground artists work) I will shut that shit down instantly. I will ensure they're instacancelled on the spot and won't play a gig in that area ever again. Plagiarism is NOT COOL. Don't plagiarize. Seriously. You will never have a career in music if you make Plagiarism a part of your “strategy for success” in the music industry. And I will personally work towards ensuring that. (example: I still to this day convert people to the cancellation of DJ Bl3nd. That POS blatantly ripped off so many artists, and is a perfect PERFECT example of a DJ claiming to be a producer. But isn’t. AND he used plagiarism + ghost producers COMBINED to make it seem like he was a producer) I don’t care if you do end up learning to produce after the fact and start making decent tunes.. If you plagiarize and try to use it to advance your career, I will do everything I can to stop you. For ever. 

P.P.S. - For those of you DJ's who are learning to produce, don't take any offense to this rant its not directed at you guys, and please PLEASE don't get discouraged. You're likely not even applicable to this rant as you're actually working towards the title. So let me help you in that, below this text I'll be linking a few awesome YouTube producer channels who upload educational music/producer content. As well as some links to great sample/drum kits and more useful tools to help in your learning curve. I am also always available for producing tips and advice, just send me a direct message or comment on this post and I'll give you the best answer from my own experience/abilities/knowledge. Thanks for taking the time to read this ridiculous and stupidly long rant. I hope you can see where I’m coming from. And I’m sure many actual producers can agree with a lot of my points and reasoning. Have a good one. Peep my tunes if you have some time. Peace and deuces to all! -Anton Radke

www.soundcloud.com/antonradke www.facebook.com/antonradkemusic booking/collabs/commissions/general inquiries/demos: antonradkemusic@gmail.com

Resources and tools for learning producers: Some production education channels on YouTube that I highly recommend:

Dylan Tallchief has some fantastic tutorials for many different EDM genres which cover more than just production. He talks in depth about music theory, sound design. All of it. He shows how to use both Ableton and FL Studio. HIGHLY RECOMMMEND this channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIu2Fj4x_VMn2dgSB1bFyQA

For rap/hip-hop producers, I recommend watching videos made by these two gentlemen: 

Praxi Plays covers tons of genres/sub genres, and different styles of commercial, and less than commercial rap/hip hop music. He teaches using FL Studio:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAE7Doxo5WQRjLPz7JYa7Fw If you prefer darker, more underground rap music, or just less than commercial stuff in general, Based Gutta covers tons of styles of rap beats from the underground rap culture. He’s great, and also pretty hilarious. Also uses FL Studio. Oh and he does Lo-Fi stuff a whole lot as well:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTrrlfsv-5IBQ1SgPBawT3w

COMPOSERILY is also a good one. But a lot less serious. His videos are definitely more parody and satire than anything, but there’s still lots you can learn from watching him. Tons of useful stuff in his videos. He also does both Ableton and FL Studio depending on the song/artist he’s trying to sound like.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8Ujq8PBm0MWraaXd8MsIAQ

For drums and other samples, I highly recommend getting a Splice Account. Its incredible So many options! And you can download individual sounds. You don’t have to download an entire sample pack if you just want one kick drum that it happens to have which is great. A good brokeboi alternative would be Looperman. Its basically a discount/Wal-Mart level “Splice” style service but free.

www.Splice.com

www.looperman.com

Some useful sample kits I recommend getting for the sake of drum sequencing/programming:

XFER Pack by Steve Duda and deadmau5 (great for house and 4/4 edm genres) 

BIGHEAD Sample Pack by BigHead (available on Splice) [great for trap/rap/hiphop] 

literally ANY vengeance or cymatics sample pack will also be a great choice for practically any type of bass music. Face it. Bass music drums are boring and are all almost IDENTICAL from song to song (with the exception of the kick drum) so any Vengeance or Cymatics dubstep sample kit will do you justice here.

VSTs to consider: EDM: Sylenth1 (must have), Razor (underrated), Massive, Serum (must have), U-He Diva, Nexus (overrated but useful), Dblue Glitch, DBlue Tapestop, Engineers Filter (free, amazing Equalizer. deadmau5 approved), CamelCrusher, OTT (overrated but useful), Cthulhu (MIDI sequencer programmed by deadmau5, hella cool but confusing)

Rap Music VSTs to consider: Omnisphere. that’s it. I’m not kidding. A talented producer armed with Omnisphere, and a decent drum sample kit, who is very good at sampling and writing melody/progression can create THOUSANDS of Grammy worthy rap/trap beats without even once reusing an Omnisphere preset.  Its like Nexus. Except it truly doesn’t suck, and is worth the absurd price tag.

-Anton Radke  www.soundcloud.com/antonradke www.facebook.com/antonradkemusic booking/collabs/commissions/general inquiries/demos: antonradkemusic@gmail.com

[gizmosisbuttons]

Episode 4 was a fandom wide callout post.

all you fools too busy being pissed bc Coran went all show crazy and basically re-characterized the paladins to what the masses found entertaining, to notice that the entire episode was literally a fandom wide call out post. they literally called us out guys. 

lets go over the list of things Coran said/did in ep 4 and compare them shall we?

let me preface this by saying he literally wasn't himself and i still love him just as much as before, my gorgeous man.

”I worked up very specific personas for each of you. This is going to help the audience connect on a much deeper level with each team member.” 

as if they didn't already have defining personalities that make them very likable and awesome? sounds familiar right? its one thing to speculate and theorize based on what we know about a character especially if we don’t know a lot about said character. the writers put a lot of time and effort into developing these characters and even said during an interview once that one of the things that bugged them about og Voltron was that the only properly developed character was Keith. the other guys didn't get a chance to be loved. and that was what they aimed to do, to give every paladin and character the chance to be loved. since the beginning the fandom has been bad at this. taking one teeny trait from each character and twisting them so that the only thing that matters is that trait. 

         “lover-boy lance”

throughout the series lance is known  to flirt with...pretty much every cute alien girl. of course. hes handsome, charming, girls love him. Coran wipes away all of the actually relatable things about his personality in favor of this charming flirt who would win over girls. Lance is insecure, he’s witty, he is the freaking sharpshooter, the teams sniper and their glue. he’s voltrons right hand now for a reason. he got into the garrison which is a military space exploration base, not just anyone gets in. hes incredibly intelligent and a great pilot. amazing really. bc simulations are always absolutely terrible and rarely help. oh yea, and hes charming.but god forbid anyone forget that hes a flirt. who cares about the other stuff that will actually help the audience connect with him. 

        “science wiz pidge” 

its no secret that pidge is incredibly intelligent. she is one of the characters who haven't gotten their developing points until this season. in one of the first flashbacks we learned she nearly gave up studying because some kid decided to be a dick and bully her. Matt pulled her out of it and encouraged her to work hard. later on in ep 4 coran says that her science doesn't need to be factually correct because noone will understand her either way. he undermined her intelligence because . well. noone cares what she says as long as it sounds smart. fanfic writers do this a lot. like. a lot. i understand that you may not have the same knowledge that the girl who hacked herself into a military school base undercover at he age of 14-15 (if the theory that the garrison is a high school program is correct) because she had gotten banned for sneaking in and hacking into the computer system, but if you really do insist on focusing her on her smarts, do some research. no to mention. pidge may be the youngest, but she really is more than science and calculations. shes intelligent yes, but she can hold her own in battle (at the age range of 15-17 with no prior battle training), shes afraid of the possible reality that all her efforts are wasted and Matt and Sam are dead, she is actually pretty social with the paladins (she can even be seen hanging out in the kitchen while hunk makes glass cookies.) and beyond her intelligence, shes wise. shes not just random science facts, she knows how to hold her own in situations outside of battle and books. shes street smart. 

       “lone wolf keith”

now i know this was said to allura, and ill get to that. but if the keith vlog showed us anything, its that  hes not just a moody loner teenager.  i am very guilty of this myself. i portray keith as a human disaster. we don’t know hen he was left alone, we don’t really know much of his story. i head canon that his dad left him to fend for himself but every month woul drop off food or money or something. i head canon hes terrible about taking care of his body. but at least i don’t call him moody and move on.  i give him a background to fill in the blank space, but sometimes i forget and focus too much on his folded arms and  pouty face. he smiles. he laughs. hes an actual precious bean.  but hes also afraid of being pushed away. hes guarded and does his best to be strong. he hides his feelings and protects his heart with everything he has. (geez boi who hurt you). he is not the human embodiment of “teenagers” by mcr. aka he has feelings too. not to mention he also got into the garrison, and was the top pilot regardless of how he got in, if it happened to be by recommendation like most people think. 

      “humourous hunk”

as a hunk stan this one annoys me the most. throughout the episode hunk is consistently embarrassed, and even protests the fart noises, fart jokes, etc. he is purposely tripped for laughs. the fandom forgets that hes not just the fat funny guy, or just the personal chef. hes overcome so much since babies first lion flight, he used to get sick, constantly had to be the voice of reason to keep his teammates out of trouble,  he is just as intelligent as pidge and is actually one of the only people that can keep up with her science stuff. keith and lance even stated that they didnt understand anything they'd said. hes a fantastic engineer even if he had a few tummy mishaps. hes an amazing pilot too, and extremely sassy. he and pidge probably rigged the game console to work in space, And hes pretty friendly and cautious. he is NOT meant to be the comic relief. (say it louder for people in the back)

     “shiro the hero”

a lot of the fandom has taken to calling shiro daddy, sexualizing him (”now put on this tight shirt”) and focusing on shiro and only shiro (shiros the “favorite character” of corans little show). hes great. he really is. and the man needs a break. voltron is a kids show. he isnt meant to  be sexualized, none of them are. hes more than his arms and his leadership abilities. the biggest issue i have with the whole shiro thing. regardless of if hes a clone, when shiro returned he cut his hair differently, and wore short sleeves. everyone i know, including me, said they'd be fine with the clone if he had kept his hair long and “as much as i love the arm view” and didnt change his outfit. its a kid show. his body shouldn't matter.i am also guilty of this, and ep 4 opened my eyes to it. coran lifted shiros arm as if to prove that thats what the audience really wanted. he treats shiro differently bc hes the real star here and everyone should know it. ofc, hes the black paladin. (i wonder where the whole “the black paladin is the only one who really matters here” mindset came from. looking @ u ‘84). shiros may have ptsd, and hes constantly trying to hold himself together for his team, and its obviously not easy. maybe thats why hes got a cute white floof. the stress. 

      alluras erasure  

another point that always bugged me. the fandom either forgets allura exists, or that she is just stealing lances place temporarily. Allura is the blue paladin. while keith is gone, she is not filling in. shes a paladin now too. for coran to call her keith, and constantly call her keith, even though she obviously has a few choice words to say about it, its distrespectful. she says his plan is working and he replies with “why thank you keith...i like to keep you in character” once again, erasing her existence. now im not as well versed in this particular topic, but id like you to keep in mind that he talks to his princess with that mouth, and that she IS the princess and not a fill in while keith leads. feel free to elaborate on this more. 

     coran “fires “ team voltron. 

this. i find extremely entertaining. remember that legal trouble last year bc of the leaks? and right around that time the klance shipper started threatening them if they didn't make it gayer and put keith and lance together? the  fandom, who wanted all of this to happen their way, were threatening to get it cancelled and such just because things didnt go their way. shiro, the leader, disagreed with coran and tries to shut him down. and coran in fit of rage says:

you're a bunch of quitters! quitters! i’m a visionary! i have thoughts, ideas, i dont need you anyway. ill rewrite the show, get rid of the whole lot of you, replace you with new paladins! and the show will be better than ever before!...except for you shiro, ill never get rid of you, you're our most popular character!

this is essentially what the fandom was saying. now, was this definitely their plan, to call us out with this bit, in not sure, but honestly, its almost too coincidental.

the writers have made it clear that they heard us, and have always been listening. and really, thats why i love ep4. you're angry because you know you got called out but haven't admitted it to yourself. the writers do their best to bring us the best show possible, but they cant satisfy everyone. why cant we just be happy about Actual Meme (tm) Matt, and look forward to season five instead of fighting them because we got our shit handed right back to us. weve gotten a  taste of our own medicine, so chill. i enjoy them keeping us on our toes, surprising us with every turn, theyre great writers.who cares if one or two things pissed you off? we both know youre not gonna stop watching.

[illbefinealonereads]

Today, the Don’t Read the Comments blog tour is stopping by illbefinealone reads. Keep scrolling to learn more about the book, as well as read an exclusive excerpt.

Don't Read the Comments Eric Smith On Sale Date: January 28, 2020 9781335016027, 1335016023 Hardcover $18.99 USD, $23.99 CAD Ages 13 And Up 368 pages

Slay meets Eliza and Her Monsters in Eric Smith’s Don't Read the Comments, an #ownvoices story in which two teen gamers find their virtual worlds—and blossoming romance—invaded by the real-world issues of trolling and doxing in the gaming community.

Divya Sharma is a queen. Or she is when she’s playing Reclaim the Sun, the year’s hottest online game. Divya—better known as popular streaming gamer D1V—regularly leads her #AngstArmada on quests through the game’s vast and gorgeous virtual universe. But for Divya, this is more than just a game. Out in the real world, she’s trading her rising-star status for sponsorships to help her struggling single mom pay the rent.

Gaming is basically Aaron Jericho’s entire life. Much to his mother’s frustration, Aaron has zero interest in becoming a doctor like her, and spends his free time writing games for a local developer. At least he can escape into Reclaim the Sun—and with a trillion worlds to explore, disappearing should be easy. But to his surprise, he somehow ends up on the same remote planet as celebrity gamer D1V.

At home, Divya and Aaron grapple with their problems alone, but in the game, they have each other to face infinite new worlds…and the growing legion of trolls populating them. Soon the virtual harassment seeps into reality when a group called the Vox Populi begin launching real-world doxxing campaigns, threatening Aaron’s dreams and Divya’s actual life. The online trolls think they can drive her out of the game, but everything and everyone Divya cares about is on the line…

And she isn’t going down without a fight.

Buy Links: Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Read-Comments-Eric-Smith/dp/1335016023 Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dont-read-the-comments-eric-smith/1131303425#/ Books-A-Million: https://www.booksamillion.com/p/Dont-Read-Comments/Eric-Smith/9781335016027?id=7715580291810 Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/don-t-read-the-comments Indie Bound: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781335016027 Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Eric_Smith_Don_t_Read_the_Comments?id=Go6PDwAAQBAJ

Eric Smith is an author, prolific book blogger, and literary agent from New Jersey, currently living in Philadelphia. Smith cohosts Book Riot’s newest podcast, HEY YA, with non-fiction YA author Kelly Jensen. He can regularly be found writing for Book Riot’s blog, as well as Barnes & Noble’s Teen Reads blog, Paste Magazine, and Publishing Crawl. Smith also has a growing Twitter platform of over 40,000 followers (@ericsmithrocks).

Author website: https://www.ericsmithrocks.com/ Twitter: @ericsmithrocks Instagram: @ericsmithrocks Facebook: @ericsmithwrites

Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary

Rating: 4/5 stars

Review: Don’t Read the Comments tackles some heavy subjects, cyber bullying as one of the main ones. But it’s done beautifully, and though the subject matter is that way, it didn’t make me feel heavy while I was reading it. Eric Smith does an absolutely marvelous job at writing from a first person female POV. His excellent writing style, as well as the pace that perfectly suited the story, made the book unputdownable. I really enjoyed the characters. They felt fresh as they were developed excellently. The dialogue is excellent, it felt natural and flowed really well. All of it put together kept the book feeling dynamic, and entertaining throughout. This is a read that you definitely shouldn’t skip.

Excerpt:

1 Divya

Mom. We’ve been over this. Don’t read the comments,” I say, sighing as my mother stares at me with her fret­ful deep-set eyes. They’re dark green, just like mine, and stand out against her soft brown skin. Wrinkle lines trail out from the corners like thin tree branches grown over a life­time of worrying.

I wish I could wash away all of her worries, but I only seem to be causing her more lately.

“I’m just not comfortable with it anymore,” my mom coun­ters. “I appreciate what you’re doing with…you know, your earnings or however that sponsor stuff works, but I can’t stand seeing what they’re saying about you on the Internet.”

“So don’t read the comments!” I exclaim, reaching out and taking her hands in mine. Her palms are weathered, like the pages of the books she moves around at the library, and I canfeel the creases in her skin as my fingers run over them. Bundles of multicolored bangles dangle from both of her wrists, clinking about lightly.

“How am I supposed to do that?” she asks, giving my hands a squeeze. “You’re my daughter. And they say such awful things. They don’t even know you. Breaks my heart.”

“What did I just say?” I ask, letting go of her hands, trying to give her my warmest it’s-going-to-be-okay smile. I know she only reads the blogs, the articles covering this and that, so she just sees the replies there, the sprawling comments—and not what people say on social media. Not what the trolls say about her. Because moms are the easiest target for those online monsters.

“Yes, yes, I’m aware of that sign in your room with your slo­gan regarding comments,” Mom scoffs, shaking her head and getting to her feet. She groans a little as she pushes herself off the tiny sofa, which sinks in too much. Not in the comfortable way a squishy couch might, but in a this-piece-of-furniture-needs-to-be-thrown-away-because-it’s-probably-doing-irreversible-damage-to-my-back-and-internal-organs kind of way. She stretches her back, one hand on her waist, and I make a mental note to check online for furniture sales at Tar­get or Ikea once she heads to work.

“Oof, I must have slept on it wrong,” Mom mutters, turn­ing to look at me. But I know better. She’s saying that for my benefit. The air mattress on her bed frame—in lieu of an ac­tual mattress—isn’t doing her back any favors.

I’d better add a cheap mattress to my list of things to search for later. Anything is better than her sleeping on what our family used to go camping with.

Still, I force myself to nod and say, “Probably.” If Mom knew how easily I saw through this dance of ours, the way we pretend that things are okay while everything is falling apart around us, she’d only worry more.

Maybe she does know. Maybe that’s part of the dance.

I avert my gaze from hers and glance down at my watch. It’s the latest in smartwatch tech from Samsung, a beautiful little thing that connects to my phone and computer, controls the streaming box on our television… Hell, if we could af­ford smart lights in our apartment, it could handle those, too. It’s nearly 8:00 p.m., which means my Glitch subscribers will be tuning in for my scheduled gaming stream of Reclaim the Sun at any minute. A couple social media notifications start lighting up the edges of the little screen, but it isn’t the unread messages or the time that taunt me.

It’s the date.

The end of June is only a few days away, which means the rent is due. How can my mom stand here and talk about me getting rid of my Glitch channel when it’s bringing in just enough revenue to help cover the rent? To pay for groceries? When the products I’m sent to review or sponsored to wear—and then consequently sell—have been keeping us afloat with at least a little money to walk around with?

“I’m going to start looking for a second job,” Mom says, her tone defeated.

“Wait, what?” I look away from my watch and feel my heartbeat quicken. “But if you do that—”

“I can finish these summer classes another time. Maybe next year—”

“No. No way.” I shake my head and suck air in throughmy gritted teeth. She’s worked so hard for this. We’ve worked so hard for this. “You only have a few more classes!”

“I can’t let you keep doing this.” She gestures toward my room, where my computer is.

“And I can’t let you work yourself to death for… What? This tiny apartment, while that asshole doesn’t do a damn thing to—”

“Divya. Language,” she scolds, but her tone is undermined by a soft grin peeking in at the corner of her mouth. “He’s still your fath—”

“I’ll do my part,” I say resolutely, stopping her from saying that word. “I can deal with it. I want to. You will not give up going to school. If you do that, he wins. Besides, I’ve…got some gadgets I can sell this month.”

“I just… I don’t want you giving up on your dreams, so I can keep chasing mine. I’m the parent. What does all this say about me?” My mom exhales, and I catch her lip quivering just a little. Then she inhales sharply, burying whatever was about to surface, and I almost smile, as weird as that sounds. It’s just our way, you know?

Take the pain in. Bury it down deep.

“We’re a team.” I reach out and grasp her hands again, and she inhales quickly once more.

It’s in these quiet moments we have together, wrestling with these challenges, that the anger I feel—the rage over this small apartment that’s replaced our home, the overdrafts in our bank accounts, all the time I’ve given up—is replaced with something else.

With how proud I am of her, for starting over the way she has.

“I’m not sure what I did to deserve you.”

Deserve.

I feel my chest cave in a little at the word as I look again at the date on the beautiful display of this watch. I know I need to sell it. I know I do. The couch. That crappy mattress. My dwindling bank account. The upcoming bills.

The required sponsorship agreement to wear this watch in all my videos for a month, in exchange for keeping the watch, would be over in just a few days. I could easily get $500 for it on an auction site or maybe a little less at the used-electronics shop downtown. One means more money, but it also means having my address out there, which is something I avoid like the plague—though having friends like Rebekah mail the gad­gets for me has proved a relatively safe way to do it. The other means less money, but the return is immediate, at least. Several of the employees there watch my stream, however, and con­versations with them are often pretty awkward.

I’d hoped that maybe, just maybe, I’d get to keep this one thing. Isn’t that something I deserve? Between helping Mom with the rent while she finishes up school and pitching in for groceries and trying to put a little money aside for my own tuition in the fall at the community college… God, I’d at least earned this much, right?

The watch buzzes against my wrist, a pleasant feeling. As a text message flashes across the screen, I feel a pang of wonder and regret over how a display so small can still have a better resolution than the television in our living room.

  THE GALAXY WAITS FOR NO ONE,

YOU READY D1V?

—COMMANDER (RE)BEKAH

  I smile at the note from my producer-slash-best-friend, then look up as my mom makes her way toward the front door of our apartment, tossing a bag over her shoulder.

“I’ll be back around ten or so,” Mom says, soundingtired. “Just be careful, okay?”

“I always am,” I promise, walkingover to give her a hug. It’s sweet, her constant reminders to be careful, to check in, especially since all I generally do while she’s gone is hang out in front of the computer. But I get it. Even the Internet can be a dangerous place. The threats on social media and the emails that I get—all sent by anonymous trolls with untraceable accounts—are proof of that.

Still, as soon as the door closes, I bolt across the living room and into my small bedroom, which is basically just a bed, a tiny dresser, and my workstation. I’ve kept it simple since the move and my parents split.

The only thing that’s far from simple is my gaming rig.

When my Glitch stream hit critical mass at one hundred thousand subscribers about a year and a half ago, a gaming company was kind enough to sponsor my rig. It’s extravagant to the point of being comical, with bright neon-blue lighting pouring out the back of the system and a clear case that shows off the needless LED illumination. Like having shiny lights makes it go any faster. I never got it when dudes at my school put flashy lights on their cars, and I don’t get it any more on a computer.

But it was free, so I’m certainly not going to complain.

I shake the mouse to awaken the sleeping monster, and my widescreen LED monitor flashes to life. It’s one of those screens that bend toward the edges, the curves of the monitor bordering on sexy. I adjust my webcam, which—along with my beaten-up Ikea table that’s not even a desk—is one of the few non-sponsored things in my space. It’s an aging thing, but the resolution is still HD and flawless, so unless a free one is somehow going to drop into my lap—and it probably won’t, because you can’t show off a webcam in a digital stream or a recorded sponsored video when you’re filming with said camera—it’ll do the trick.

I navigate over to Glitch and open my streaming application. Almost immediately, Rebekah’s face pops up in a little window on the edge of my screen. I grin at the sight of her new hairstyle, her usually blond and spiky hair now dyed a brilliant shade of blood orange, a hue as vibrant as her personality. The sides of her head are buzzed, too, and the overall effect is awesome.

Rebekah smiles and waves at me. “You ready to explore the cosmos once more?” she asks, her voice bright in my computer’s speakers. I can hear her keys clicking loudly as she types, her hands making quick work of something on the other side of the screen. I open my mouth to say something, but she jumps in before I can. “Yes, yes, I’ll be on mute once we get in, shut up.”

I laugh and glance at myself in the mirror I’ve got attached to the side of my monitor with a long metal arm—an old bike mirror that I repurposed to make sure my makeup and hair are on point in these videos. Even though the streams are all about the games, there’s nothing wrong with looking a little cute, even if it’s just for myself. I run a finger over one of my eyebrows, smoothing it out, and make a note to tweeze them just a little bit later. I’ve got my mother’s strong brows,black and rebellious. We’re frequently in battle with one another, me armed with my tweezers, my eyebrows wielding their growing-faster-than-weeds genes.

“How much time do we have?” I ask, tilting my head back and forth.

“About five minutes. And you look fine, stop it,” she grumbles. I push the mirror away, the metal arm making a squeaking noise, and I see Rebekah roll her eyes. “You could just use a compact like a normal person, you know.”

“It’s vintage,” I say, leaning in toward my computer mic. “I’m being hip.”

“You. Hip.” She chuckles. “Please save the jokes for the stream. It’s good content.”

I flash her a scowl and load up my social feeds on the desktop, my watch still illuminating with notifications. I decide to leave them unchecked on the actual device and scope them out on the computer instead, so when people are watching, they can see the watch in action. That should score me some extra goodwill with sponsors, and maybe it’ll look like I’m more popular than people think I am.

Because that’s my life. Plenty of social notifications, but zero texts or missed calls.

The feeds are surprisingly calm this evening, a bundle of people posting about how excited they are for my upcoming stream, playing Reclaim the Sun on their own, curious to see what I’m finding… Not bad. There are a few dumpster-fire comments directed at the way I look and some racist remarks by people with no avatars, cowards who won’t show their faces, but nothing out of the usual.

Ah. Lovely. Someone wants me to wear less clothing in thisstream. Blocked. A link to someone promoting my upcoming appearance at New York GamesCon, nice. Retweeted. A post suggesting I wear a skimpier top, and someone agreeing. Charming. Blocked and blocked.

Why is it that the people who always leave the grossest, rudest, and occasionally sexist, racist, or religiously intolerant comments never seem to have an avatar connected to their social profiles? Hiding behind a blank profile picture? How brave. How courageous.

And never mind all the messages that I assume are supposed to be flirtatious, but are actually anything but. Real original, saying “hey” and that’s it, then spewing a bunch of foul-mouthed nonsense when they don’t get a response. Hey, anonymous bro, I’m not here to be sexualized by strangers on the Internet. It’s creepy and disgusting. Can’t I just have fun without being objectified?

“Div!” Rebekah shouts, and I jump in my seat a little.

“Yeah, hey, I’m here,” I mumble, looking around for my Bluetooth earpiece, trying to force myself into a better mood.

This is why you don’t read the comments, Divya.

  Excerpted from Don’t Read the Comments by Eric Smith, Copyright ©2020 by Eric Smith. Published by Inkyard Press.

[unplacedpodcast]

Chapter Three: Transient (Script)

Chapter three script below! Spoilers ahead: 

(ding of audio recording starting)

NARRATOR: There are a lot of downsides to being invisible, but one upside is that I can creep on as many awkward first dates as I want to and nobody knows. I'm not saying I'm an expert at social interaction by any means, but some of these are just bad.

This one bar I've been people-watching at, I saw the same two people there twice, and both times the guy was wearing this raggedy-ass hoodie that looked like he'd slept in it. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure he was wearing the exact same outfit both times. I mean, personality counts, but put a little bit of effort in, right? He didn't exactly have it going on in the personality department either...he kept rambling about his ex and went through three well whiskies in an hour.

Anyways. Here's your regular update from the land of invisibility: I'm doing...okay, I guess. That whole experience with my mom…that was rough. It’s been a few weeks, so it stings a little less. We had our differences, but obviously, I loved her, and - I don’t know. She’s not having to deal with the pain of losing a child, I guess, which is good for her, but adds another layer to what I have to deal with. Grieving someone who doesn’t even remember you exist is…rough.

The apartment is officially not mine any more, but I was able to salvage some of the really important things. Basically, what I have is what I can carry on me at any given moment - so I have my computer, my phone, some clothes, a few other things. It’s like that whole minimalist backpacker trend, except I’m not doing it because I’m an annoying white guy with an urge to travel.

I do have a few things, like my wallet, out of sheer habit, but they're pretty much useless. Nobody asks for ID when they can't see you, and my cards stopped working a week or two after all of this started. I did manage to withdraw most of my money before they entirely stopped working, but again: you can't give cash to people who can't see or hear you.

Sometimes, I leave it at stores when I take things, especially the mom and pop stores or indie-type places. Even then, it's always a gamble, because there's no guarantee someone working there is going to see the money before some opportunistic bozo does and pockets it. There’s also not any guarantee that the person who sees it who does work there is actually going to put it back into the business instead of pocketing it.

We never covered this in my philosophy 101 class: If you physically can't pay the person you should be paying, and the best you can do is leave a few bills lying around, do you have an ethical obligation to do so, or is that just a futile attempt to soothe your own conscience?

If cash falls in the woods and nobody's around to pick it up, is it still money?

(sighs) Who would have known that being invisible would present you with a new existential crisis every day? I mean...probably anyone who thought about it, but I hadn't thought about it. Have you?

If you had asked me ahead of time, I would have...honestly, I probably would have said it wouldn't have bothered me that much. Honestly, I never felt like people really saw me, just their own assumption-filtered version of me - in a way, this is like having my metaphorical, emo headcanon made literal.

People make me nervous. Being around people makes me nervous. Before all of this happened, I mostly just wanted to be left alone to do my job, hang out with my friends - the very few people who don't make me get sweaty palms just from a casual conversation. Maybe meet a nice girl, settle down...I didn't want to be completely invisible, but I didn't want to be hypervisible, either. I just wanted to be left alone, to navigate my life with the least amount of confrontation possible.

That moment of confrontation has always been my kryptonite, the thing that makes my heart pound. It's probably silly - as a species, we used to fight mammoths or whatever, that's what those responses are supposed to be for. It always feels silly, anyways. I know it's a real chemical reaction, but when all you have to do is stand up for yourself, or someone else, or just say something, anything, and you can't, because your mouth is dry and your throat keeps closing and your hands are shaking...you feel like a coward.

What I used to do when that happened was sneak off, get a moment alone, and talk to myself, record it, and then delete the recording when I calmed down. Or sometimes, not delete it. Having those audio diaries, from times when I felt like nothing was in my control, and being able to look back through them and realize I came out of every situation okay - it was a surprisingly effective security blanket.

That's all really off topic as far as what it's like living in these united invisible states of America, though. So let's get back to that, since that's what you listeners are here for - juicy supernatural survivalist tips, or whatever. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

Tip one: If nobody can see you, you can crash wherever you want. Staying at a hotel requires a little sneakiness. I had to creep on the staff to see how they code the keycard for each room and copy that, but once you get the hang of it, you can pretty much hole up wherever. I've been camped out in this swanky five star place, which would probably be better if I could get room service, but it could definitely be a hell of a lot worse.

Tip two: Keep a go bag. The real survivalist nuts out there already know this one. Zombie apocalypse fantasies aside aside, a go bag is crucial for when the hotel room you're staying in gets booked and the (very baffled) maids come in to do the room check, only to find a much dirtier room than there should be. So far, I haven’t lost any of my stuff, but I did have to do a real quick scramble the first time that happened. After going through the Great Apartment Purge of 2017, I don't want to lose the few belongings I do have left.

Tip three: Be careful about where you get your food from - at least, if you have a conscience. After while of living off of premade food or whatever I could cook in hotel kitchenettes, I decided I wanted something fancier, and snuck into a restaurant. I mean, I didn't really sneak in, because that would imply I was concerned about people seeing me, which is pretty much a non-issue. But I digress. I went into the kitchen, creeped around until I saw a plate full of food that looked tasty, and snagged it. What I did not think about was the server getting screamed at by the angry person who didn't get their food. When nobody is interacting with you, it's easy to space out on how your actions are going to impact them.

That's...all the tips I have right now. There aren't all that many actionable takeaways from being an invisible half-ghost person, or whatever.

Actually, that reminds me - I had a theory that I wanted to test, and since I’m already recording, this is the perfect time to do it. Time for a field trip!

(sounds of the phone fumbling, recording ding as it goes off, then the recording dings on again with the sound of new-agey bell-chime music in the background)

When I made that crack about being a half-ghost, it reminded me that I wanted to see what an actual psychic would make of this business. So...here I am, in a medium's waiting room. I looked this lady up on Yelp and she's supposedly pretty legit, as far as psychics go. The last thing I want to do is freak out some poor unsuspecting client of her's, so I've been just hanging out until she's client-free. And...let's give this a go. She's standing over there behind the counter, scrolling through Instagram - I'm walking up to her

(noise of the phone moving, sound of footsteps)

NARRATOR: (to woman, slightly muffled since she's not speaking directly into the phone) HEY. Hey. Can you hear me?

(speaking into the phone again) And...yeah. Nothing. I'm over here talking to her, waving a hand in her face, I'll

(noise of things moving around on a glass countertop, muffled noise of fabric brushing)

(sighs) Yeah. I moved some crystals around on her counter, I poked her in the shoulder - nothing. So much for any extra sensory perception going on around these parts. Maybe I'll try another place, later, and see if they're any better at (makes "spooky" voice) perceiving the invisible.

Whatever.

(ding of door bell as she walks out onto the street, background noise of being on a busy street and then descending underground into a subway station as she talks)

For now, it's back to the hotel. Another fruitless experiment in my “what the ever-loving hell is going on" series. It's just so frustrating, you know?

If I knew what was going on, I think it would be a little easier to cope with. But instead, it’s all one big mystery, which is just...annoying. I'm glad there seem to be consistent rules that I can test and figure out, but I wish I knew if this was like, a magic thing, or a gamma radiation thing, or what.

Gamma radiation, there's a thought. Too bad this doesn't come with superpowers.

(sound of a subway door opening and/or a stop being called in the background)

Oh well. It could be worse. At least I've got a fancy hotel to crash at. And this car is fairly empty, so I don't have to worry about someone trying to walk through me, again.

(sighs) An upgrade in living accommodations might be an upside to this whole scenario, but the public transportation experience leaves a lot to be desired.

(a few seconds of silence w/background noise, then the noise of the subway door opening and people moving)

I guess that's just - wait. What the...this guy just got on and he...there's this thing on him...it's all over his back, it's on his shoulders, it's - I think it’s stuck in his head. Hold on, I’m going to get closer.

(sound of footsteps)

Sir? HELLO? Yeah, of course you can’t hear me, but I thought you might want to know you’ve got a freakin’ brain leech stuck in the back of your head getting a free ride. Maybe if I…

(sound of her touching/shaking him)

Oh shit. The thing - it's...it's moving...oh my god, I think it can see me. Holy f-

(audio recording cuts off suddenly)

[bitchfacetokiya-archived]

Report: 6th Stage Concert Day 1 Experience

So sorry for the huge delay, everyone! I’ve been spending most of my time trying to earn back the money spent on the Tokyo trip and taking care of other duties.

As reports about 6th Stage are released in magazines and over social media, I’ve decided to detail my personal experience attending the concert, rather than the concert itself. 

Since Lisa and I weren’t planning to get in line for goods on Saturday, we decided to do some window shopping in Lashinbang on Otome Road. Ikebukuro Station was a stop on the way to where we needed to go for the concert, and since the concert didn’t start until the afternoon, we had a few hours to spend. There wasn’t any trading for me to do, since Kyukyu still had my items and was trading at the concert venue.   

Around noon or so, we headed for the Seibu-Ikebukuro line to board the train. I had heard about the advertisement on display for the new Quartet Night singles so I made sure to take pictures of those! 

There were so many people waiting to board that the train platforms were crowded and special express trains were running just for people heading to the concert. Kudos to Seibu Railways for doing that, I was impressed! Even though my friend and I had to stand for the whole ride, it was still a pleasant trip, especially being surrounded by other UtaPri fans. 

Arriving at the stadium train station was an incredible sight. To see so many people there all for one concert was just a dream. 

So getting into the concert venue was an experience I’ve never had at other concerts. Rather than just entering by showing a ticket, we had to enter a separate area where we had to show tickets (and a picture ID!!) in order to get wristbands, which were used to buy goods and enter the concert venue. 

Why was showing an ID necessary? Likely it's to relieve scalping. If there were no names on the tickets, people could freely resell them for a higher price. But since everyone is aware that the tickets must be presented with an ID, they know that even if they bought some random tickets online, they’d be useless. Since Lisa’s name was on both tickets, she had to present the tickets with her ID (passport in this case) and tell them that I was her +1 for the other ticket. What happens if someone has an extra ticket but has no one to go with them? Or what if they have a single ticket but can’t go to the concert? For the first situation, I know that people would plan to meet the ticket buyer at the venue, and then they could enter the wristband line as normal, the same way Lisa and I did. For people who couldn’t go, I think I’ve heard of cases where ticket owners would plan to present ticket and then pass their wristband to the other person. I never actually witnessed that happening, but the UtaPri Twitterverse has managed to think of pretty much everything, and tickets for the concert were in such high demand that I’m sure everyone (if not, most people) managed to find buyers for their tickets. 

Buying goods at the concert venue was not something we even attempted to do. After the hours of waiting we had to do on Thursday and Friday, and seeing how long the line was at the venue that day, we didn’t bother. Instead we spent our time looking at the floral/balloon arrangements sent by fans! That was certainly something I had NEVER seen before and I was so impressed with the amount of dedication that some of these fans have—way more dedication than I have ever put into this series! 

After we finished looking at the arrangements, it was time to enter the venue and find our seats. We went to the gate, showed our wristbands, and looked for where we were sitting. Kyukyu and her friend had seats that were somewhat closer and more towards the center of the stage, and she was able to spot us. We had an amusing time waving to each other from so far away. 

We didn’t have the greatest view, and we were pretty close to the back. I was kind of disappointed but I reminded myself that I was here to write a report, and that maybe the lackluster seat would keep me from spazzing out and forgetting to take memos. But the venue was already much smaller than I had expected, and they really did work hard to make sure that the concert was an unforgettable experience from any seat! I think it was helpful to consider that even having the least appealing seat at the concert was still better than having NO seat at the concert. 

I won’t outline everything that happened at the concert since that’s been covered so many times, but I’ll list some of my favorite moments: 

When they performed DAY DREAM and it took until the first chorus for me to realize what the song was, and my first response was to freak out because I knew that NIGHT DREAM would be next XD I really didn’t think they’d perform Shining Dream, and NIGHT DREAM is one of my favorite songs. I love it so much that I made an itabag for it!! 

When it was time for Be the Light! and “Tokiya" said that he’d be performing as HAYATO this time. I was screaming and nearly in tears when he said that. Before I had heard commentary on that song, I had guessed that it was Tokiya’s returning to his roots as HAYATO, seeing that he’s in a much more comfortable spot in his career renewal now. I think HAYATO’s departure left a void in a lot of fans’ hearts (my friend Kyukyu being one of them) so I was so happy for what may have been a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

The “unplugged” version of Tears in Love. I had been looking forward to hearing the original, but instead Kisho sang with only a keyboard and a viola backing him, and it was incredibly powerful. I was definitely shedding tears until…

…the moment was ruined by a saxophone, Suwabe, and an orange hoverboard. I bust out laughing during the first few seconds of Give Me True Love (my new favorite Ren solo by the way) and couldn’t stop thinking about how the hoverboard seemed to be his answer to not moving around enough at 5th Stage last year.

While Lovely Eyes is not a favorite of mine, I happened to have been sitting in a row that was VERY close to where Suwabe had entered when the song began, so as he made his way in, I was murmuring “Oh my god Suwabe-san…Suwabe-san…” until he was less than 10 feet away and then I was screaming “REN-SAMAAAAAA” like my life depended on it.

After seeing Suwabe up close, I don’t think any other moment after that topped it. Not to say it wasn’t enjoyable, but the entire concert had gone pretty much without a break. I learned a few days later why that was the case, and it was mentioned on the official website.

The concert was scheduled to start at 4pm. By 4pm, there were still people coming in. I’m used to seeing concerts start a little late so I didn’t really mind the extra wait. But even when the concert started at 4:30, there were STILL people filing into the venue.

There was a written apology on the website in regards to the late start time and the shortening of breaks.  They had decided that they couldn’t delay the concert any further because of the risk of noise complaints later at night, and apologized those who had missed the first few minutes of the concert because they couldn’t enter in time.

My guess is that, other than people who waited too long to finally go through the gates, there were probably a LOT of concert-goers who had still been in line buying goods until the very end. So towards 4pm there may have been a flood of people trying to get in, and the crowd just wasn’t moving fast enough.

After the concert ended, we didn’t bother looking for Kyukyu because everyone began to leave at once, and we were going to see them on Monday anyway (I had a 4-person reservation for the UtaPri Animate cafe). On the way out, we could hear the idols saying their goodnight messages, which caused some of us to stop and listen. I managed to record part of it (you can hear it on my Twitter), and then we headed to the train station.

So that was my experience at the first day of 6th Stage! I wish I could have gone both days but I have absolutely no regrets, even if we did miss a lot of emotional crying from the seiyuu at the end of the second day. I’m excited for the DVD to come out so everyone can see Suwabe on his hoverboard! XD

My next report will be about the UtaPri Maji Love Legend Star Animate Cafe! Hopefully I’ll have the time to complete it soon!

[weeklymusings-blog]

“alone, you’ll go quicker. together, you’ll go farther.”

[gif isn’t mine. retrieved from https://gph.is/1njFwhm]  I chose a blooming cherry blossom tree which had falling petals as a symbol of where I am and where I aspire to be. Like a cherry blossom, I know that like all people, I have the capacity to be good -- there is the best version of myself inside of me that can be developed through grit, rigor, and forming good habits. The cherry blossom tree is where I am now. How it blooms, how it’s petals fall from its branches, how it’s goodness attracts people all over the world to come see it -- is how I wish to be in the future. Like its falling petals, I would like to one day give parts of myself to people -- I want to take the goodness I have developed and I want to share it to the world that helped nurture me. Like how it attracts people through its beauty, I want to be that adult that one day inspires people because of the goodness of who they are. And like the symbol’s form -- a gif, rather than a still moving photo, I want to constantly be in the process of moving -- of becoming -- perhaps I will never truly commit and stay with one thing -- because the world is a bit too big to say yes to one thing (other than goodness) for forever.

Identity Formation With regards to my identity formation, I’d say that much of my identity has gone through some sort of crisis at one point. Growing up, I always had these strict definitions of what I should be -- even if these weren’t in line with what I actually wanted. Abiding by these defined rules because I thought they were “right” made me a generally principled person, but it became negative when I started bringing these “shoulds” to things like hobbies, interests, career, and friends -- among other things that are better based off of preference and genuine delight, rather than the idea of societally defined standard. Now that I’m older, I hope to learn from that mistake. I am now fond of the thought that what I might become is better than what I had initially planned. Thus, I think that a lot of my identity is in the stage of moratorium -- and I’m actually quite happy with that. When we first discussed this lesson, I used to think that Identity Achieved was the ideal state, but reflecting on it now, I’ve come to realize that while commitment is admirable, there is also still something to admire in the unknown and the openness of oneself to that. As Gretchen Ruben once said in her book, The Happiness Project, “the days are long but the years are short” -- sometimes, life can pass you by pretty quickly, yet it’s still a pretty long journey ahead. And to know that this journey is filled with spontaneous side stops and unexpected turns excites me. While there are certain things that I know that I want -- like my love for dance and performance, like movement, like my bisexuality, and like my desire to enact social change -- I know that the only real non-negotiable, the only real aspect I want to commit to is love and happiness. And I like to think that everything else will follow. I’d say that my ego identity is someone that’s constantly optimistic, shares a lot of her thoughts and ideas, and is generally bubbly. On the other hand, I think that my personal identity was me trying to fight off stereotypes in my adolescence, since my personality just really wasn’t linear. For example, something I often thought is: was I the typical responsible student with good grades that recited a lot? or was I the pasaway student that liked to crack jokes and sometimes played the devil’s advocate in class debates? Apparently, they aren’t mutually exclusive. The fun part is that I could be both. Lastly, with regards to my social identity, I tend to be the leader when it comes to group projects because I have a certain standard. However, when it comes to me with my group of friends, I tend to be the more childlike friend that my friends find irresponsible that needs to be taken care of, and is kind of dumb. Whether I actually am like that, or whether it’s actually a brand -- I don’t really know. But both are examples of how I function or act, depending on the social setting. 

Psychosocial stage In terms of my psychosocial stage, I am in the Young Adult stage, since the stage fits my age bracket and describes how I feel in terms of my social interactions with others. Although my values and ideologies are constantly in development, I think that I have a good sense of what they are, and am now more focused on how I relate with others. In the past, I was more preoccupied with a lot of my individual goals and generally trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I focused on myself more when I was younger because there were things that needed fine tuning, and now that that’s done, I think I’m better equipped to give more of my attention to others. Whereas I could have gone not talking to people or not valuing my friendships as much before, I now give more importance to the relationships I have with other people. Growing up has also made me a bit more mature, and has improved my relationships with my family members as well. The manifestations of this stage can be seen through how I hang out with my friends more often, spend more quality time with my family, and admittedly, in the longing for intimacy -- have had a few more intense crushes.

Psychosexual stage With regards to my psychosexual stage, I am in the genital stage, which begins in adolescence. I don’t think I really feel much of the sexual desires that Freud described in this stage -- or at least not in the intensity of the way he described it. While the occasional thought of being intimate with a girl crosses my mind from time to time, I wouldn’t really say that it’s as intense as Freud makes it out to be. Either that, or maybe it’s because I’m still figuring out my identity. I know that I can fall for a guy or girl, but when it comes to actual intimacy -- I think I’m either asexual or I’d only ever be intimate with a girl. Honestly, it’s still kind of grosses me out. That aside however, I do agree that it’s in this stage where the conflict between my ego and superego occurs. While I am still idealistic (as represented by the superego) and assertive (as represented by the id) with regards to the things I want, through experience, I’ve come to realize that I need to balance these two aspects of myself (as represented by the ego) in order to effectively function -- or in simpler terms, in order to be truly happy. While there isn’t anything wrong with idealism or assertion, to allow both to run unmitigated has usually resulted in overscheduling or biting off more than I could chew -- to let both rule my life makes me unrealistic and unreasonable with my schedule because I don’t let myself rest. As I grew older, I’ve started to realize the importance of still balancing those two aspects with realism -- and so when I plan my life out, I’m now in the process of learning to give myself some breathing room -- room to make mistakes, to process a day’s events, and to just rest and be.

Issues of emerging adulthood In terms of learning “how to adult”, I’ve seen this manifest through how I’m becoming more conscious with my spending habits, as well as how I’m trying to learn how to commute -- although little by little. I’m also starting to take more initiative with regards to the things that I enjoy doing. For example, when I was a kid, my mom would be the one to enroll me in my ballet lessons -- or any set of extracurricular classes for that matter. She’d be the one to find a studio, to inquire about their rates and schedules, to ask about trial classes so we could compare between places or teachers, and to make the overall final decision of where I’d go. Now that we don’t live together anymore and now that I’m older and further exploring, I’m the one that calls places and asks about those things. Although it’s just for hobbies and interests, in a way it gives me a sense of control over my own life. I feel like I’m starting to become more independent, and although it comes with more responsibility, I like the fact that I’m the one accountable for these things because it’s something within my control.

Like all positives however, this also comes with its own set of negatives. Being accountable means making my own decisions, and having to stick through and live with them. For instance, I have to choose what tracks to take since I’m an AB Interdisciplinary Studies major. It isn’t a choice my parents can make for me anymore -- nor is it something I can just keep ignoring in the hopes that it would one day go away. Since I do recognize how important it is though, in line with me generally being in the moratorium stage, I think that I’m letting myself explore too, and I acknowledge that what I choose doesn’t have to be final (although it’d be beneficial if it is). Thankfully, I’m in a course where we can keep changing our minds.

Aspirations for adulthood Although quite abstract, when I grow up, I have this vague idea of me being financially stable, having some pretty cool stuff, maybe teaching a bit, doing some sort of creative job that I’m passionate about and made good friends through, and on the weekends, I’d be doing some sort of volunteer work. I’d balance that weekend alongside with catching up with family and friends from high school or college. Maybe I’d be living in my own place too -- I’m not entirely sure though -- but I do want to be with my parents regardless. I wasn’t able to spend much time with them growing up, and I’d like to do that now and when I get older. I like the idea of growing up to be someone that generally has a sunshine glow and positive aura -- that knows her morals and stands up for what’s right. Someone that’s politically aware, too, and kind to everyone. I really just want to be happy, fulfilled, loving, and healthy. It isn’t only an aspiration for adulthood though -- but really something I want for the rest of my life.

[thecakewolfuniverse]

Get Out (2017) Review

Reviewer: Matthew Fishgold

Important films don’t come too often in a lifetime, and they’re almost never a horror movie. Get Out (2017) is a rare horror experience that’s going to get inside your head and grab you by the soul. Written and directed by Jordan Peele in his horror movie debut, this cinematic masterpiece is an absolute must see.

Inspired by the use and portrayal of Duane Jones’ Ben in 1968’s Night of the Living Dead, Jordan Peele had his artistic gears turning at a very young age.

For our drink, we started with a focus point of hot tea.

Now that we have our drink, let's enjoy our movie and have our review.

Get Out begins with a deceptively smart masked villain moment that makes you feel all too comfortable with an age old slasher movie routine that we’ve all seen before. However, this mcguffin takes you to unexplored sunken depths much later in the film's climax.

In this opening scene, we’re also treated to the first in a consistent flow of immersive cinematography. I found myself turning my head with the camera more times than once.

Transitioning to our leading couple played by Allison Williams (Rose Armitage) and Daniel Kaluuya (Chris Washington), the audience feels right at home with the young & modern American Dream. Chris is a talented artist succeeding in the field of photography, supporting himself and his cute fluffy dog. Chris has his shit together.

Atmosphere in the set design truly helps in establishing such an unquestionable “feel” for the audience. Chris’s apartment reflects the personality that Kaluuya portrays to a T.  It’s sleek, cozy, controlled, and lightly styled with inspirational art reflecting youth.

Rose and Chris begin discussing the underbelly of our culture in a roundabout way. Chris is worried about the expectations of Rose’s family that he’s about to meet for the first time. “Do they know I’m black?” After Chris voices his worries, Rose “comforts” him with humor, making him feel foolish for bringing it up. Chris plays along and goes with the flow. After all, he loves her and wants everything to work out.

We’ve all been in a situation where our significant other makes us feel silly about something that truly worries us. Though the core of this film concerns racism, it’s absolutely NOT alienating. Peele has perfectly matched his own voice with everyday relatable issues. It’s simply astounding.

I remember watching Putney Swope (1969) in film school and enjoying it but feeling out of my depths. Black Shampoo (1976) was incredibly fun but just felt wrong at times and the blaxploitation western, Boss (1975) left me with a similar feel. However, Get Out (2017) humanizes all of its characters, keeping the audience in step with its protagonist, despite their ethnicity.

If you can’t get into the shoes of Chris Washington, you must be blind, deaf and brain dead.

While traveling to see Rose’s family, the couple clips a deer with their vehicle. Chris explores the woods nearby the accident to find the animal in a helpless and suffering condition. Rose calls the police to assist in the situation which cleverly sets us up for something later in the film. Nuances in Kaluuya’s performance are displayed to the audience in close up micro-expressions, and in this scene, we can definitely feel how much this experience disturbs him. Though disturbed, Chris’ character has a tightly controlled demeanor which he shifts into when interacting with the police officer and Rose.

When Chris and Rose arrive at her family’s home, the audience begins to notice oddities that end up playing with our perceptions. This isn’t a movie where you can obviously tell what the protagonists should/shouldn’t do. You’ll be biting your nails wondering what the fuck is going on and who to trust, instead of yelling at the characters to do this or don’t do that.

This is where I’m leaving off. Get Out (2017) is not a film you want to spoil. The truth behind the situation is going to chill you to the bone. We needed this movie, now more than ever. Get Out speaks to our generation with poignant truth and originality.

Masterpieces of the cinema deserve to be celebrated and Get Out better win some fucking Oscars. I give this film five out of five teacups. I’ll be watching in theaters again and putting it on my to buy on release list. Get out of the house and see this movie in theaters!

WARNING: The below thank you letter to Mr. Peele has VERY SLIGHT SPOILERS.

Dear Mr. Peele,

I would like to start off by introducing myself. My name is Christina. I am a middle-class white chick with an interest in social justice, so y’know, I’m not going to pretend I know everything this film was attempting to cover. My boyfriend is super into horror movies, and when I saw the trailer to Get Out I looked at him and said, “Ooooh, that’s one I want to see.”

I was not disappointed. He wasn’t either. By the looks of the Rotten Tomato score, you have struck cinematic gold. You probably deserve an Oscar more than La La Land.*

Right off the bat, you set us up for the Dangers of Walking While Black. In my white girl world, I equate this with the Dangers of Walking Home Alone at Night. What were you doing out at that time? Must have been looking for trouble. You know the drill; it’s all bullshit.

Fast forward, and we meet this beautiful interracial couple. The audience thinks, “Oh look, 2016** is on the screen. Aren’t they adorable!” But then Chris asks his white girlfriend if she maybe mentioned that he was black to her parents. You see, they’ve been dating a few months and he’s going to meet her parents! It’s sweet... and they’re not racist. Why would she even mention it, it’s so not an issue! Geez, what does he think she is, a monster?

But, obviously, it is an issue. The remainder of the movie is horror-slash-real-life.

We meet white people who roll out all the micro-aggressions. Can I please see your ID? With your genetic make-up, you could be a beast! Oh, you look so strong. They treat blackness like it’s a trend, a fashion. Living in a post-racial world -- the patriarch of the family would have voted for Obama for a third time if he could -- being black is all the rage, what’s the downside?

We even see Chris put up with all this bullshit because it’s part of his life. He knows not to argue with the officer. He knows better than to point out a white guys racism. He knows that he’s just being paranoid and yes, everything is fine I’m sure. Do not make white people feel bad about their racism, I’m sure they mean well. It’s totally normal to be sized up like a piece of meat. And those other black people must just be crazy, not brainwashed or manipulated. No no no no no no no. Oh, no.

It really struck me how much this movie exposed the underlying idea that Black People need to be tamed; they must be whitewashed until they are acceptable to roll with high society. We see these whitewashed characters in the white family’s help. They are all very careful about saying the Right Things for their white people. Walter is strong and is the groundskeeper, Georgina is the family’s chef and personal servant and Andrew is an old white lady’s new lover.

Sex slaves and shit. She parades him around as an object of beauty, even making him twirl for her friends at one point. Chris begins to put two and two together when he tries to sneak a photo of Andrew to send to his buddy, Rod. The flash on his phone goes off, it breaks the hypnotism and Andrew warns Chris to “Get Out!” After Chris sends the photo, Rod immediately recognizes Andrew as Dre, a guy from his circle who had gone missing months ago. Chris realizes how “crazy” it sounds, but he knows he has to get away from this place before they turn him into a mindless drone too.

The film also deals the appropriation of black culture in a very overt way, the white family and friends all take what they deem necessary from their black servants for themselves and then turn what they deem unnecessary (the rest of their lives and personality) into a mindless drone.

White people will take your music, your beauty, your art and your style and we will allow you to entertain, but please learn to speak proper English and wear your pants correctly and please don’t wear your hair like that because it’s unprofessional and for the love of god, don’t ever take a knee for the national anthem.***

Finally, I would like to say thank you for that ending. It was a twist, it was unexpected and it was soooo so good.

Sincerely,

Cakewolf’s Consort

(Christina)

*Believe it or not, I have not seen La La Land, even though it starred Ryan Gosling, who was confused with Ryan Reynolds on a local theater’s website because I guess all Ryans look the same.

**Because who are we kidding, 2017 is a shit show.

*** White folks can wear the flag as a swimsuit, swim trunks, underwear, drape their naked bodies with it or turn it into napkins for barbecues, but otherwise, it is to be respected Above All Things.

[soupwillsaveyou]

That get to know me ask thing- just fuckin do all of them that'll keep you busy for a while. Gotta keep u kids off the streets

u have no chill and u probs dont even care lmao bye

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?here’s a beautifully cropped out compilation of my desktop, phone and laptop wallpapers

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? i convinced myself i did in primary school but?

3) What was your last text message? I sent my mom a text asking to pick me up

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? Hopefully just drawing a lot and having my life slightly more together than rn

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? with my gf and you damn well know it

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? we dont rly do halloween over here,,,,

7) What was your favorite 90s show? either rugrats or (if that one counts) rocket power

8) Who was your last kiss? my gf bro

9) Have you ever been stood up? ??

10) Favorite ice cream flavor? cinnamon! Definitely, it’s so good!!!

11) Have you been to Las Vegas? my dude i have been no where near america

12) Your favorite pair of shoes? are u rly making me choose fuck. 

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? ,,,dude

14) What is your favorite fruit? idk i like a lot

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? I am dating someone currently that I’m talking to on tumblr

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? long definitely

17) Do you smoke? If so, what? no

18) What do you do to get over your anger? rant lmao also like let it out on someone who doesnt deserve it hahaHA FUCK

19) Do you believe in God? idk

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it? uhm…

21) Favorite position? go away

22) What’s your horoscope sign? cancer

23) Your fears? spiders, rejection from loved ones, failing doing what i love

24) How many pets do you have? What kind? currently one bunny! 

25) What never fails to turn you on? justice

26) Your idea of a perfect first date? bro tbh i dont rly care we can just chill at home watching cartoons that’d be amazing. also going out for a movie or food or whatever its all cool

27) What is something most people don’t know about you? everything regarding gender and sexuality really

28) What makes you feel the happiest? chilling with friends, also hugs, god damn, hugs.

29) What store do you shop at most often? if we’re talking about where I legit buy something the most and not like, clothes stuff or whatever. Well. Uhh. Either AH or Hema because I have no self control whatsoever and I will damn well buy food all the time

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? no

31) Do you believe in karma? kinda? Depends on the situation I guess

32) Are you single? no 

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? consider an actual apology

34) Are you a good swimmer? I mean? Yes? Maybe? I’ve got my first three diplomas and its not like im super good but im a decent swimmer?

35) Coffee or Tea? I only sometimes like coffee (and mostly like, cappuccino and stuff like that) so tea. Tea is Good.

36) Online shopping or shopping in person? that rly depends but i spent a fortune either way

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? I’m. Chill with my current age actually. Maybe older but only like a year so YOU can shut the fuck up for once about how im so young

38) Cats or Dogs? both are gr8

39) Are you a competitive person? kinda yeah :’)

40) Do you believe in aliens? yes

41) Do you like dancing? my dude i cant dance for shit but i like goofing around sometimes if that counts

42) What kind of music to you listen to? everything and nothing. im a mess

43) What is your favorite cartoon character? dont make me choose you know i cant do shit like this

44) Where are you from? the netherlands

45) Eat at home or eat out? depends

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk? ive never been drunk

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? like the very last thing was a tube of pringles lmao

48) Why do you think your followers follow you? dude i have no idea im a mess

49) How many hours do you sleep at night? that really depends but usually not enough hah

50) What worries you most about the future? having to take care of myself wtf i cant do that

51)  If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? I have a hard time cutting people off so longer than would be healthy

 52) Are you happy with yourself? not really no

53) What do you wish you didn’t know? idk man

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life? do your damn homework kids

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? do you know how many awesome tv series houses there are wtf dude

56) What’s your favorite Website? this hellhole sadly

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking? i dont recall breaking any tbh lmao bye

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? visiting my brother for his graduation presentation that was a little over 50 miles

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? dont think ive ever had a particularly good buy there

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? lots of different stuff but i always ask to include egg foo young cuz im a sucker for that shit

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? wyoming simply cuz ive never heard of it before and it sounds ridiculous

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? art or history or english probably. Those have always been the subjects i’d choose when i was thinking of maybe becoming a teacher

63) Favorite kind of chips? either regular or paprika probably so basically the basic ones.

64) Favorite kind of sandwich? talking special stuff i love salmon yo

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? i didnt even know the thesaurus was a thing

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? i mean i stepped on one once 

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise? none

68) Are you afraid of heights? kinda? someitmes i am sometimes not idk man

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken? boy ive had quite some memorable classes,,,

70) What’s your favorite breakfast? light crackers with cheese or smthng

71) Do you like guacamole? not rly

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? im not sure

73) What/who are you thinking about right now? im still trying to remember if ive ever been in an actual fight

74) Do you like cuddling? yes its so good

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Other than my cluttered ass room and secrets?

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? where do u think that fear of spiders came from my dude. also im half experiencing the rejection rn? idk

77) Favorite city you’ve been to? I love Prague!

78) Would you break the law to save a family member? that depends what kind of rule breaking and everyhting we’re talking about,, but probably

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? my life

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? does feminism coount as a cause?

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? okay so i mightve broken my nose once but im not sure. Also i almost cut of a toe once. 

82) Favorite day of the week? currently wednesday cuz no school

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? i do but yeah

84) How do you feel about porn? theyre sure having a lot of The Sex

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? Do Not Make Me Choose

86) Who was your hottest ex? i only have one kind-of ex so uhhh

87) Do you want/have kids? i most definitely do not have any and im not sure if i woudl want any. I dont think so but??

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? yes

89) Do you get easily distracted? FUNNY THAT YOU ASK THAT

90) Ass or titties? im just letting you know that the first time i read this i read it as ash or titties and im still not over it

91) What is your favorite word? snoekduik and i blame @bleubudgie 

92) How do you feel about tattoos? they can be rly cool

93) Do you have any pets? this is p much the same as question 24

94) How tall are you? 173 cm

95) How old are you? 19

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? nothing lol

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about? hah yeah Squadbase and atla/lok and voltron and if we’re gonna go a little serious feminism *whispers* fckng hyperfixations

98) Do you have trust issues? not rly i think

99) Do you believe in love at first sight? im not sure but id like to

100) What are some words that you live by? Why? I don’t thikn there’s something i actively thin kabout and live up to all the time but ‘’do no harm but take no shit’’ is one of my favs (and i have a lot of favs lmao oops)

THERE YOU GO ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

[funkymbtifiction]

Conflicted with enneagram

Hi Charity! I've been meaning to send you this enneagram question for some time now and finally decided to write it up.

I always thought I was enneagram 5. [...] Lately though, I've kind of been delving into the possibility that my type is actually 9... MBTI type is INTP though I was thinking on sending some thoughts on your way later on that as well since there are some... not exactly doubts, but some things I'd love to clear up...

I don't think you are an INTP. You are too emotionally aware of other people / sensitive to how you are coming across. Some of what you said (deep diving into interests, your main dream longing to be a wife and a mother, respecting social expectations and caring about them even if you wish you didn't, enjoyment of working with your hands, being an empath, being strongly affected by cruelty and others' emotions, etc), strongly suggest ISFJ.

And yes, I would say a 9w1 with a 2 and a 5 fix. You seem conflict-avoidant and withdrawn in a way that type is. 9 is a very empathetic main core and it merges into other people (and entertainment) and blurs the line between them and me, so it can be easily distressed by fiction. It would make sense if you were a 9 and an "empath."

But this, tho:

While I am sensitive in these ways, my mother and sister, both feelers, often remark that I'm blunt without meaning to be. Not that I'm trying to hurt anyone but that it didn't occur to me to be "more polite." According to them, said remarks are insensitivity. One example is if my mom cooks and asks if there's not enough salt, I'll give her an honest answer and my sister will say it was insensitive. My mom will agree. The "correct" answer is "no no, its fine."

... wow.

Being offended over something as inoffensive as "yes, this dish needs more salt" shows they have unreasonable expectations from you, not that you are "rude." They need to learn to solicit compliments, and not frame them as innocent-appearing questions, for which they get offended and/or censor you when you are honest enough to answer them objectively.

[silkyandsurveys]

survey #3

may 17,2020

1)What is your idea of an ideal date?

i love the idea of an amusement park date? it’s so cliche but it’s so cute and fun cause it would just be such a fun time to just laugh with each other and be soft and cute

2)When did you last unexpectedly gain money?

hmmm that’s hard. i just today applied for unemployment and those results will be coming back soon ? hopefully? but then my mom said that my old job is looking for people to take food to cars so i might be doing that and getting some good money so not anytime recently but i’m guessing in the soon future i will

3)What are your favorite preparations of vegetables?

I’m sorry but just extremely soft broccoli and butter with salt and pepper is so good and classic

4)What are your plans for the rest of the day?

uhm it’s 7:08 pm so take my medicine and shower and then just play on my phone for a couple hours until bed

5)What is your favorite movie soundtrack?

this is so hard because i don’t watch a lot of movies. this may seem odd because of course but the bohemian rhapsody movie but that doesn’t really count. love simon is great same as fault one our stars idk

6)If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

i really don’t know. part of me wants to say go and like do something crazy but what can you really do that’s ~crazy~ in 24 hrs. i would just go see all my friends. say things i never had the courage to say in the past to certain people hug everyone idk

7)If you came along with a theme song, which song would it be and why?

omg something super bright and sassy for sure!! i can’t think of something necessarily. maybe something harry styles?

8)If you could invite 5 people to a dinner party, living or dead, who would you choose?

this is so hard but why do i wanna say ot5 one direction and literlaly just make all of them speak to each other.

9)What is Victoria's secret?

that she’s fatphobic and transphobic oops

10)If you had to be trapped in a tv show for a month, which tv show would it be and why?

omg 10000000% glee OMGGGGGG i would die but also stranger things would be hella vibes and lowkey scary but fun

--------------------

1. Have you ever moved to a different city?

No only ever moved house

2. Do you ever forget names of people you know well?

i’m not as bad with names as i am faces idk i’m just bad at that in general

3. If you could trade lives with a cat, would you do it?

uhm maybe for like a day? they legit just sleep and scratch you so?

4. Have you ever been lost? Was it frightening?

A couple times i think? driving can get very confusing

5. Do you enjoy doing new or shocking things?

sometimes i do sometimes i don’t. it’s very depending on whether i’m like mentally prepared for the information

6. Would you rather be lost in a forest or a city?

the city alone but the forest with someone

7. What is the biggest discovery you have made about yourself growing up?

that i really am quite odd? like i’m very different from what normal people in my area are. not to sound quirky but it’s true. i’m also very very adaptive to lots of different people and groups

8. Do you want to have children and a family?

yes one day. i can’t ever imagine a time though

9. Have you ever seen something strange and no one believed you?

yes!!!!

10. Have you ever had a crush on someone much older than yourself?

no actually. other than celebrity crushes of course

11. Have you ever been separated from someone?

yes. my like biggest crush of my entire life moved away a couple years ago and it was actually really hard and made me grow up

12. Do you cry over books/movies/shows/etc.?

yes i specifically watch movies to cry sometimes i’m just a really emotional person but i have a hard time naturally crying to my problems on my own

--------------------

Are there any subjects you’ve made an effort to learn about despite no obvious relevance to your daily life?

yes definitely

Have you or would you ever turn down a promotion if it meant moving somewhere new?

it really really depends. right now? no. i’m not ready to move away at this very moment but in the future ? maybe? depends on who i’m with and how happy i am where i am

Do you have someone you can carry on full conversations with and not get tired of them?

yeah definitely i have a couple friends who i really love having conversations with and we can have conversations about the same things over and over and not get bored

Who is your celebrity crush?

harry styles tehehe

Have you ever broken a bone?

no but i’ve bruised them and also gotten very bad sprains. got very close to breaking my ankle and foot tehe

What is one thing you were really good at as a kid?

crafts? i use to love polymer clay and i was actually quite good at it.

What is one thing about humanity that baffles you?

the fact that schools don’t teach about current events and the injustice of america and how freedom is so selective and UGH

How are you at fixing things?

very good. it’s almost a problem i feel like it’s my responsibility to make things easier and better for other people

Do you have any martial arts training?

no ma’am could be fun but

Do people tend to come to you for advice?

yes!!!

If you knew it would prevent a catastrophe or end a war, would you ever willingly sacrifice your own life?

i got to be really honest. no.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

i love love love telepathy but i think invisibility or transportation would be my top picks

--------------------

Someone offers you a chance at immortality. Do you take it, and why or why not?

uhm if i could get a large extension on my young life? yes but idk i wouldn’t want to be completely 100% immortal.

If you had to spend your life with just one person, who would it be?

omg hopefully my soulmate? but if i had to pick someone rn y’all i gotta say harry styles

If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

ignorance

Do you have any regrets?

yes and no. i know my decisions of my life have led me here but at the same time i always have a bad habit of looking back and wondering if things would be different if i made a different decision. i do regret little baby things though like not going to a 1d concert lmao

Is someone telling you how to live your life, or are you an independent person?

i’m an independent person with chains i haven’t been able to strip yet

If you were to fall into an eternal sleep, do you think anyone would miss you?

yeah definitely

Do you miss anyone right now?

yes. i miss my friends but i also miss people who used to be in my life but not them now them before. it sounds sad but

If you could get away with anything, what would you do?

steal!!!! bro i would legit steal so quick if i could get away with it

What are you like when you’re by yourself?

so out there? i like romanticize my life in my head when i’m alone so i get a little crazy but i’m also way more open when i’m by myself

What would you change about yourself?

id love to be more confident? definitely would like to be healthier

If you knew one of your loved ones/best friends had only one day left to live, how would you spend that last day with them?

i would want to do whatever they wanted to do. hug them tell them i loved them

If you could make anyone do anything, what would you make them do?

make a super rich person give me all their money

If you had one wish that would come true and couldn’t be reversed, what would you ask for?

a credit card that had no limit

What would someone have to do to get in your pants?

that would be hard work as this lady is a virgin queen but idk

What’s one thing you can’t live without?

music. i used to never think this way but now i 100% do

--------------------

What did you used to have that you are happier without?

a dad LOL

What was your favorite food when you were a child?

chicken for sure but also fruit gummies

If you could choose to stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?

18 or 21 18 would be perfect if it weren’t for drinking

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?

sing!!! i love singing so being good at it would be great

What sound do you love?

walking on leaves. the typing noise on a phone. laughing. cracking knuckles. a starbucks glass bottle opening. record players

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose?

elizabeth from pride and prejudice

What do you want to be when you grow up?

something in social media

What do you miss most about being a kid?

being carefree and not caring what people thought about me

What is something you learned in the last week?

certain words and their meanings from uquizzes lol

Would you rather be really attractive or really smart?

this is actually hard because i’m like averagely smart and i’m so satisfied but i’m not satisfied with my looks so

What are your phobias?

vomit is #1

If one song were to describe your life, what song would it be?

i have a playlist but i could never describe in just 1 song.

What is one habit of yours that no one knows about?

i pick my skin off my thumb?

What annoys you the most?

rude people. people who brag about their lives. negativity.

If you could change your first and middle name to anything, what would it be?

i wouldn’t change my first and middle i would only change my last