#i-love-gay-1d

[homosociallyyours]

for the trope mash up: 8 and 65, harry and louis

Hi Lou!! Thank you for these!! They seem angsty...but I need a happy ending, so...

Hospital AU/It's Not You, It's Me:

I'm thinking girl direction here, but it could go either way. Harry is a doula and Louis is a labor and delivery nurse, and the two of them meet during a particularly stressful birth where they end up working together to basically save the life of the gestational parent-- a queer, trans masculine person whose partner is unable to be there due to the birth happening a few weeks before the due date.

They end up running into one another a few times after that first meeting, and every time they do, they end up talking more and more, but it's always in the hospital and kinda rushed, and though Louis wants more, she feels like there's something Harry's not telling her. And then she sees Harry out somewhere with a man and a young child. She wants to brush it off, but then the kid calls them "Mommy and Daddy," and Louis starts to think she's built all this up in her head.

But then Harry asks her out. Louis makes excuses.

---

Harry takes a sip of her cafeteria coffee, wincing at the flavor as she sets it down. Louis watches her open three vanilla creamers and dump them in one by one, losing herself in the motion of Harry's long, delicate fingers until she shakes her head to clear herself out of her daze.

"I-- I don't think I can see you outside of here," Louis says in a single rushed breath, inhaling deeply when she finishes the sentence. She sighs, looking down at her own hands as she twists a paper straw wrapper into a curlicue.

"No? I'm not invisible outside the hospital. Promise," Harry teases, poking Louis in the arm. Louis chuckles, biting her lip before looking back into Harry's eyes.

"I'm sure of that," she says, slumping down so she's practically resting her chin on the table. This whole conversation is a spring coiling itself up in her belly and if she almost worries that if she doesn't push herself down she'll explode everywhere. "It's just, umm,"

"What's the matter, Louis?"

"It's just that I'm struggling to hold it all together as is," Louis says, pushing herself to sit up straight and face Harry with all she's got. "We had two nurses leave last week and Elena is actually on maternity leave starting tomorrow, and I just don't think I could juggle all that plus actually dating someone, you know?"

"Oh." Harry gulps her coffee this time, coughing as she sets her mug down. "Yeah, I get it. I--" she looks over Louis' head and stands, gathering her things. "I should go, actually, I didn't realize how late it is."

She's gone before Louis can confirm that everything's okay between them. It is though, Louis thinks. It has to be.

---

Anyway it's ok! Because it turns out that the man was Harry's ex-husband, and they're amicable co-parents of their daughter because Harry realized that while she loved her husband as a person, she's not as bi as she thought she was when they met. Or rather, she WAS bi at the time, and has since realized she's a panromantic homosexual who'd like to call herself a lesbian if she's picking labels.

Her initial hesitance to see Louis outside the hospital was mostly because she and her ex are very particular about who they introduce their daughter to, and Harry didn't trust herself not to just say fuck it and drag Louis back to her house for makeouts and sex if the opportunity arose.

That's exactly what happens, of course, once they figure it all out.

[sochilll]

The world if every night was Chappell Roan night at the club....

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Being on Tumblr during the Larry phenomenon but not as a One Direction fan was wild. Half of them reading secret codes from Modest Management slowdown .gifs of hand signals body language Experts ™️ finding their addresses while the other half tried to saving them from the Bad Gay by writing 10K long essay posts about the male human condition sending death threats to fellow 14 year olds and i’m just here like. Yah they prob fuckin hahaha

[phoneticgrip]

i'm about to hit 50k posts

[tspringlover]

I get to see my bae tomorrow 🤭🤭(we’re hardly even friends) (she probably thinks i’m weird) (she probably forgot about me)

[rapunzellarry]

All Directions – "Be Proud" | ZDF Magazin Royale

[notlivys]

dear lord it's been so long ................. maybe we're fireproof

[autumnrory]

was so sure i would finish rereading this fic today and i'm close but it will have to wait till morning i guess

i liked some aspects of it but some of the drama was a little overdone but i DO appreciate that based on the comments they wrote eleanor in a shitty wan and it was edited at some point to be someone with a different name and appearance and everything and honestly like. i know it's fiction and especially with AUs it's different than implying that this person is Like That irl but when it comes to the actual famous people it's like yeah okay you can take some liberties but using actual names of their non-famous friends, family members, etc when writing say, an abusive parent or otherwise atrocious actions i'm just like JUST MAKE UP A NAME like don't do that to some random person who happens to be connected to a famous person so yeah it was nice that they changed that and i didn't even know the whole time i just thought it was an ofc

and literally like the first time ever it was not horrible to the closeted character (at least that i can remember because i've reread a lot and i have a lot to go but considering how common it is to make them selfish and cowardly for not coming out i think it is pretty fucking standard in 1d fic in particular and like. any and all gay fiction in general too lol) like there were other issues of course but basically harry was frustrated that nobody could know about them among other things but they worked it out and then louis decided to tell his mom, then it basically got fucked and he couldn't tell her and harry was so kind about it and louis was worried about holding him back and harry assured him he wasn't and i was just like. holy shit between AUs and "canon" 1d fic NOTHING i've read recently has been like that. not every fic has anything to do with coming out ofc but a good portion of them do and a lot of the time at least one of them is famous and like even MORE understandably coming out is a big fucking deal and it's just always always always so awful and "how can you not wanna come out for me, hiding is the worst, blah blah blah" like why don't you just not date a closeted person you dumbfuck you knew what you were getting into SO anyway it was very refreshing in that regard

[lonelychicago]

r/relationship_advice

u/hot_pilot84 • 2d ago

MY (40M) BOYFRIEND? (33M) IS IN LOVE WITH HIS BEST FRIEND (36M) AND IM THE THIRD WHEEL

I'm new to this reddit stuff, but a coworker suggested it, and I thought I'd give it a try. I probably should start saying he's not really my boyfriend??? We just started dating a few weeks ago, and it's been... interesting. But I really like him and he is a nice, sweet guy.

He recently came out, so I've been trying to be patient and understanding. But recently it's been hard to spend any time alone because his best friend is always there.

Now, I also like the guy, so I don't really mind, and to be honest, I kinda suspected from the first moment they were in love with each other. They both talk about each other all the time, and when we hang out together, I can't help but feel like intruding on an intimate moment I shouldn't be part of.

Like, our second date was at his sister's wedding and the best friend spent most of the time glued to our side. He has a son who my date adores, so they danced together for most of the party as well. It was cute, but again: it felt like intruding on a private moment.

Then we had a relaxing night at his place, eating take out on his couch and watching a movie.... when the best friend just, came in. No notice, no knocking. He has a key to the place and he just walked in. It was awkward at first but we insisted it wasn't a big deal so he stayed for tge rest of the night.

By the time I was leaving, my date was telling him to just get comfortable on the couch.

Another thing is. My date? Situationship? I don't know how to call it anymore. Well, I recently found out that he is the legal guardian of his best friend 's kid? In case anything happens? I wouldn’t find this weird at all if it wasn't for the fact this man has parents and sisters and other close family members that also have a less chance of dying along with him on the job. (They work together.)

Also. Recently, the best friend broke up with his girlfiend and called this guy in the middle of our date. So, he crashed again.

All of this to say, I'm not really hurt? This was new and sure, I like the guy. But to be honest my expectations were low. This is fairly recent, so it's not like my heart is broken and I just lost the love of my life. No, that's not the problem.

I just don't think these two know they're in love with each other, and it’s starting to get really uncomfortable for me. Should I say something? Should I talk with my date about it or just break things off and keep it vague, but that we should still be friends? Should I talk with both of them at the same time and confront the situation?

This is a situation I don't even know how to begin to get a handle on. Does anyone know where I should start?

rctherpcliarredditor • commented 1d ago

to be honest, i don't really have any advice for you. i just find this gay drama really hilarious. thoughts and prayers for you, my man 🙏🏼🙏🏼

twohottakes • commented 6hrs ago

definitely have a conversation alone with your date. point all of this out to him and tell him you don't wanna get in the middle if there's deeper feelings involved for someone else. all the luck to you, man!

storyreddit23 • commented 2hrs ago

talk to ur date!! and pls, post an update if u do. i wanna know how this ends.

[allwaswell16]

[4 pics, 4 quotes, 4 iconic 1D fics]

Iconic fics by ...

- disgruntledkittenface -

[1]

“So,” he says casually, looking from Nick back to Louis, “you and Nick didn’t come back to the bar last night.”

And the sentence just hangs in the air between them, like an accusation. Louis can practically see the effort Harry’s putting in to keep his face neutral, but the intense frog expression creeps its way back in. And suddenly Louis get it.

Harry is jealous.

He wants to laugh. It’s preposterous to think of, being jealous of Nick of all people. Nick who can see Louis’ feelings for Harry written all over his face and in everything he does.

“Yeah, after we went for a smoke, I just felt like going home,” Louis explains, biting back a smile. Knowing he’s not being clear enough, he continues, “Nick just walked with me, stretching those ridiculous legs of his, I guess, but Liam picked him up as soon as we got back to my apartment building.”

Harry is still glowering. It’s ridiculous. It’s so fucking cute. Louis is so fucked.

[2]

“I do! We do,” Harry says, looking at Louis, who smiles warmly at him. “I just always thought I would adopt, but I guess I see the issues here for, like… succession?”

“Yes, my successor has to be a biological relative,” Louis says gently. “Lottie wants no part of it, that’s why she was so eager to donate eggs. And I’m not sure if she’ll have children of her own.”

“It is actually a matter of state,” Hervé adds, not unkindly. “Securing the line of succession secures Monaco’s status as an independent principality. If there is no biological heir, upon the prince’s passing then the state would be absorbed by France.”

“Oh, fuck,” Nick mutters, summing up how Harry feels. Well, he wasn’t wrong when he tried to tell Harry what a big fucking deal all of this would be. 

[3]

“Sorry to bother,” he says lowly, dripping sarcasm. “But would you mind shutting the fuck up? You’re ruining the show for the rest of us with your passive-aggressive bullshit.”  

Harry automatically twists around to see the couple’s response; it looks like husband is gearing up for a retort, but there are quiet murmurs of agreement from the people around them, and the man on his seatmate’s other side even claps him on the back in thanks. Chagrined, the couple slump down in their seats, their lips unhappily sealed.

Harry turns to the man next to him, who’s already looking at him from under the smudge of long, dark lashes that frame his blue eyes. A slow grin overtakes Harry’s face as he meets the man’s steady gaze. For once his words don’t fail him, and he leans in just close enough so the man will be able to hear him as he whispers “thank you.”

[4]

“Is that another new tattoo, Z?” she asks, reaching out and gently turning Zayn’s arm to get a better look. “Oh, yin yang, right?”

Louis immediately squeezes Harry’s thigh, turning to her with wide eyes, but Harry’s too busy fishing for a thin slice of cucumber at the bottom of her glass to register what’s happening. Zayn is still holding her arm out so Liam can see the tattoo when she glances up and Louis pointedly looks from her to the tattoo and back again. Harry’s confused face is adorable, she looks like a disgruntled kitten trying to surmise what Louis is attempting to silently communicate. It takes a minute, but understanding finally dawns in her eyes and she claps her large hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking with laughter.

“What?” Zayn asks, throwing a dirty look at them.

“Nothing,” Louis manages in a strangled voice. “Nothing! Great tattoo. Harry? Shall we?”

- Answers Below -

[1] you came into my life

They stand around talking for a minute and then Jonathan starts to ramble, “Has there ever been, like, an unrequited gay love story in here? Like a Brokeback Mountain moment where, like, someone just fell in love and they didn’t mean to?”

Louis feels bile rise in his throat as Jonathan’s eyes sparkle, pleading for a yes. He manages to look around and see thoughtful looks on his coworkers’ faces before their heads shake no.

“Not here,” Liam says finally.

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

[2] Darling, so it goes

Harry Styles is a world-famous actor at the height of his career but a personal low point when he meets His Serene Highness Prince Louis of Monaco by chance. He doesn’t think they’ll ever see each other again, but after striking up a correspondence, it turns out they have more in common than he thought. Then they start to fall for each other. Louis is different from anyone Harry has dated before and their relationship moves fast as Harry realizes he’s ready for a change. Soon Harry finds himself adapting to an entirely new life, in a country where he doesn’t know the rules, the customs, even the language. Harry is used to people underestimating him, and he’s more determined than ever to prove them wrong.

He just needs Louis to meet him halfway.

Grace Kelly AU.

[3] just one look (and i fell so hard)

Louis takes a small step back, breaking the moment first. “Well, I should–” 

“Do you want to come up?” 

The words are out of Harry’s mouth before he’d even planned them, and he bites his lip.  

“Oh, thank god,” Louis laughs, stepping back into Harry’s space. “I wasn’t, um…” 

“Wasn’t ready to let go of you yet,” Harry finishes quietly, glancing up at Louis. 

“Yeah,” Louis nods, reaching up and twirling one of Harry’s curls in his fingers. “Yeah, exactly.”

Harry has wanted to go to the Shubert Theatre ever since he moved to New York and lucked into a rent-controlled apartment just outside of the Theatre District. When he finally gets his chance, he hopes the night can meet his sky-high expectations. But the last thing he could have expected was the man seated next to him.

[4] i must admit i thought i'd like to make you mine

Louis fell apart when her ex broke up with her and moved across the country. Just as she’s starting to move on, Zayn comes back to town for their mutual friends’ wedding – with a new girlfriend as her plus one.

Blindsided and scrambling to save face, Louis lets herself get talked into a fake relationship with her new friend Harry. Their arrangement makes Louis feel pathetic and embarrassed, but it’s only going to last a few weeks. She just has to get through the wedding – what could happen?

[emilem-forevermore]

hey! intro post :D

are you having a panic or anxiety attack? here :)

here is a link to the trevor project (a helpline for queer youth) if you are struggling. remember you deserve love and recovery :)

you should go look at #em says it’ll get better <3 /nf

and if you know me irl, don’t follow me here- go to @peanut-jelly @squirrelfrienddd or @femininemilem

okay, a bit about me:

personal

my name is ollie, or oli, oliver, or em.

my pronouns: he/xe/it/fae/they. no she/her or fem terms.

my age: i am a minor. don’t be gross.

my birthday: april 8th! i’m an aries :3

nicknames i've collected: emilem, gay little frat boy, catboy tea, cheeto boy, leaf boy, em and em

my height: 5'0! i am tiny :)

i'm happily dating @nyxerer120 (how! i’m the luckiest boy in the world holy shit)

poetry blog! @emilems-poetry

vent blog: @emilem-is-sad

just another ones: @femininemilem @squirrelfrienddd

for my friends but also you ig: @peanut-jelly

therian blog: @emilems-a-cat

i also run one of the color shark blogs!

i also have a pinterest, spotify account, and scratch account. this isn't something i'll be sharing with the world but if we're moots or smth and you want it lemme know :D here is one scratch acc tho

fun facts about me:

i earned a black belt in taekwondo (i no longer do it tho).

i cannot play any instruments but would like to learn guitar one day

i’m a norwegian forest cat therian but i’m fine with being called human/person too @emilems-a-cat

fandoms and interests

music: harry styles ⋆ 1D ⋆ hozier ⋆ noah kahan ⋆ chappell roan ⋆ sabrina carpenter ⋆ taylor swift ⋆ the amazing devil ⋆ a lot more

fandoms: gravity falls ⋆ warrior cats ⋆ heartstopper ⋆ brooklyn nine nine ⋆ only murders in the building ⋆ a good girls guide to murder ⋆ wild life smp + more

interests: poetry (check out @emilems-poetry) ⋆ drawing ⋆ digital art ⋆ writing ⋆ reading ⋆ french ⋆ veterinary sciences ⋆ the human body ⋆ psychology ⋆ hebrew, spanish ⋆ chinese ⋆ italian ⋆ music ⋆nature

check this out:

my favorite post on this website, a slight tw for self harm mentions, but aside from that it's extremely moving and well written and might help if you're feeling down :)

PLEASE:

send messages/asks!!! i'm not scary!!! pls interact :D

send me art and poetry!!! it’s so awesome to look at :3

talk to me about heartstopper, poetry, wild life, and noah kahan :)

if i say/do something that upsets you, let me know! i try to do my best to be inclusive and kind but sometimes i mess up so help me out :)

i love my moots more than the world!!! here's a list of some of them:

@hotteststar my first moot and fellow bisexual :)

@rins-batcave my reason /p

@raeprise mon cœur /p

@sparky4577 my brother (not irl but i wish)

@loozerboykisser man with all the everything

@crowofthestars just really fuckn cool. go follow them!

@thecrazyalchemist my bestie with the coolest name(s) ever

@mrblazeflappybird my cool uncle!!!

@wishiwereheather13 my really cool moot im too nervous to talk to (your banner is so cool btw. just sayin.)

@boldofyoutoassumeicanspell my wise gal i should talk to more

@holiday-spice my favorite seasoning (get it. cause his name is spice. lol.)

@halflingwithaknife i get excited whenever you're in my notifications you're so cool :0

@aflairforthemelodramaticc my father :)

@blaxolt one of the funniest folks i know :3

@catinasink uh. uh youre so cool. wtf im scared of you youre really awesome :0

@theronanlynchshow LITERALLY AWESOME I LOVE SEEIN YA ON MY DASHH AHHH

@the-toaster-rat genuinely one of the nicest ppl ever he’s amazing go follow him >:3

if you'd like to be added to (or removed from) this list lemme know! i have so many mutuals and i love them all beyond words <3

oh also i tag my weekly polls with #ollie’s polls so those are there if you wanna see

[homosociallyyours]

he looks like a butch lesbian whenever he wears this shirt

OMG buddy you're 1000000% correct with this take lol

this is the dirtbag butch fuckboi who is easy to get with and impossible to keep...until she meets her match, if you know what i mean

(i mean dirtbag harry OBVIOUSLY-- pick your poison when it comes to harry's gender rep and identity, all that matters is that louis falls ass over tits in love with her and nobody ever saw it coming, especially louis)

featuring oli as louis' reformed fuckboi bestie who high-key wishes her best friend would stop finding ways to ruin all the chill places they find to hang out by screwing (over) the bar staff and who is very, VERY pro harry

and harry's tits, no matter what size, that louis is unfortunately obsessed with

[twopoppies]

This is a response to your question from my ask. Honestly the fact that he doesn't have anything for Freddie no I don't believe he is his son I wanted to get your thoughts on it though. I think anyone with tattoos would get something for their child and he hasn't. Which brings up another thing that bugs me about people that don't they Harry and or Louis are gay. Louis was supposedly with Eleanor from 2011-2015 breaks up and starts partying and gets a girl pregnant out of nowhere with in 2 months then gets back with Eleanor from 2017-2023 and yet they have no kids together but you have one from your so called bad boy time. Now I know people have ways to not get pregnant I just find it weird he went so long with someone who is supposed to be his true love and hasn't had a kid planned or unplanned. Which this also goes for Harry who in a concert made the comment they are all trying to have kids, well then why haven't you. So back to Louis and Eleanor no kid or wedding but instead you get an E tattoo. Which lets be real that tattoo is not for her if it was he would have put it on the same finger she did hers and I don't care if people say that's where he has the 2 he could have put it on the other side of the finger in stead he puts it in the same place where Harry has his cross that some fans think are actually a L & T. Now on to Harry this quote right here should tell every right away that he is not straight other than the way he acts and dresses. Harry has said "I've been really open with it with my friends, but that's my personal experience; it's mine". who straight has ever had to have a conversation and explain to friends what their sexuality is. My thoughts I honestly don't see them coming out for a long time if they even do. Both Harry and Louis has fans that did not from from 1D days and those fans are usually the ones that want to say he/they aren't gay. While the world is not as bad as it was there are still people that do not agree with people being gay and I sadly think people would turn against them.

I think he doesn't have a tattoo for Freddie because he's not his kid, and he's already done enough to make people in this fandom believe he is (not to mention this new crop of fans who think he's actually straight). There's no need for a tattoo.

Everything about his relationship with Eleanor – especially the second time around – was weird and fake (IMO). If they'd dated for that long and she was "the one" (as he said multiple times in interviews about Walls), he'd likely have proposed or had a baby with her already. Not only did he do neither, but she also never met his supposed son. Nor did she go to almost any of his concerts. Everything about those years was awkward. On top of this, if my boyfriend was covered in tattoos and fans believed the largest of them were ones that he got along with his "bro pal" who everyone thinks he's actually in a relationship with, and my boyfriend then got that chicken scratch "E" tattoo for me, I'd be pissed. Wherever he put it.

Harry has made it clear that he's not straight 834768239 times, but most people won't buy it until he actually says the words, "I am gay." I've discussed this a million times. If they buy it, they'll accept that he's bi, so they can continue with their fantasies that he sleeps with women (and lots of them). If they accept he's gay, he's absolutely not with Louis. Whatever. People are dumb.

And I've discussed my thoughts on them coming out a million times, as well. I don't see them making a big statement about their relationship or sexuality for a long time. I think it's less about people turning against them and more about wanting privacy. Time will tell.

[louisisalarrie]

helloooo sweet angels. welcome to the show!

I tend to answer and talk about a lot of bbg/2015 things on here and seem to attract a lot of newer fans & Larries (which is wonderful!!!) but I thought I’d just share some resources that you can refer to so there’s not so much back and forth in my inbox.

Arden (cosmicleeds) makes fantastic, super digestible videos recapping years, bbg, rbb & sbb and the big gay war etc., and I think it’s a really valuable way to kind of get your head around some stuff as socials, especially Twitter, have a lot of misinformation, fighting, wrong timelines, stuff that’s already been debunked etc.

so, here are a couple of faves that I recommend newer larries, or people who want refreshers, to watch as it’s a little less overwhelming than the 15k word essays we have on these topics that are hard to read about when you haven’t kind of been introduced to it initially

The Larry Stylinson Timeline - 2015

Larry denials and why they’re meaningless

RBB, SBB, & the Big Gay War

The difference between larry and the rest of 1D

there is a video on each year of Larry since 2010 too, so you can feel like you were there for it!

as always, I also highly recommend Allie’s (skepticalarrie) tags post if you want more of a read instead of a video, with so many masterposts and specific info on everything larry, and also louis and Harry individually

if you’re looking for fic recs or general larry/1d chats and a heap of receipts, Gina (twopoppies) is also very wonderful

and obviously there are a million other fantastic blogs and videos to watch, but I highly recommend those to start off with at least as they are based off facts and are very clear, as opposed to some wild reaching that goes on these days in certain parts of twitter etc.

we’re all here to be welcoming, have a chat, and be here for you to navigate this wild part of the fandom, and while there can be some nasty folks out there, remember that this is a welcoming place where we love love and we are a community who supports each other. the way it should be.

so, welcome baby larries, you’re in for a wild ride!

(also I’m very excited for this year’s recap - I want something crazy to go down the end of this year because damn rewatching 2015 took me right back to the days!)

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

Oh that RBB/SBB post you reblogged makes me so sad 😔 I know it’s been a long time since the start of 1D but I really hope Louis is okay. It’s almost like Louis’ campiness/flamboyance has been masked over time while Harry has fully embraced that side of himself (which I LOVE!!) but I’m still just sad about Louis. I wish we could have seen him blossom like Harry in that way.

Of course this is all just speculation. Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world. It’s probably not just black and white.

Oh, anon, I'm extending a warm hug to you 🥺🫂💖 and huge same; it massively tore at my queer little heartstrings to read that post.

It was so incredibly insightful and well-written and these parts were so painful:

"We can’t know why consciously camp Louis shined so briefly [...]. But I believe (I think it’s a reasonably common belief) that somewhere between auditioning on X-Factor with a girlfriend and the UK media blitz of autumn 2011, Louis Tomlinson became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture. [...]

But he only got the briefest window to share that part of himself. It was one of the first things that got taken away, [...]   There’s a huge sad irony there – that this code, that was developed specifically so that gay men could be visible in a time when they were completely marginalised, was taken away from a young gay man, because it was too gay, in a supposedly more liberal time. [...] The bears' elaborate queer codes are tucked away from the stage. Because their owners cannot (yet) be visible in the way that the people they put in frames have been."

I'm not nearly as eloquent as the author of that post, @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram, but I will try. -- To what you wrote, dear anon, I want to say you are so valid!

I think the process and inner workings over the last 14 years were very complex and we only have crumbs of puzzle pieces here and there, so that leaves room for a lot of speculation. (which can be maddening sometimes, but also good to ponder different perspectives).

The second they were put into 1D together, they were supposed to make many people a fuckton of money. I cannot even begin to fathom the immense pressure they were under; during and also post-1D. at least they had each other as support, as well as the other 3 boys and a few close friends and family, yet ultimately it was always them who were going to be the most impacted. At least they could go through it together.

(side note: can you imagine the gigantic strain all of the closeting and stunts must've been on their relationship? and they still came out on top! that's a huge testament to their communication and commitment to each other. 🥹💙💚)

I always felt it remarkable how differently the angles of closeting were approached, certainly because of Harry's and Louis' different marketed images, but perhaps also because they are different characters who come from different backgrounds and maybe also because of their relationship dynamic and slight age difference (which is always a bit more remarkable during the teenage years they were in at the beginning).

Ultimately I can only guess why exactly it was Louis who was the one to always verbally respond or make a statement about Larry; why it was only Louis' Twitter account who was used for the denials; why it was Louis who never touched a rainbow flag during a 1D show, not even after Harry had started in 2015 -- all this while Lou did and said a LOT of stuff that clearly showed who he really is, who he's in love and in a steady longtime relationship with; all this while RBB and SBB spoke to us so clearly it sometimes still feels like a fever dream.

I can only speculate, but -- when it comes to their closeting, I think the sad reality is that Harry and Louis were never truly set up to benefit from deals that were struck. While I can imagine it was even sold to them as a positive thing at first; a white lie, a protection of their privacy perhaps, etc, they were both so young when they entered into those probable agreements (even while I hope they both had some kind of legal representation!), it was still ultimately their own choice to say yes or no, but in an industry where you are still a near-nobody and you get the offer of a lifetime plus there's the career fate of three other boys on your shoulders as well, that "choice" becomes an illusion. the power-imbalances were just too great.

As written in the OP's post, in 2011 "Louis [...] became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture.", but then it "[...] was one of the first things that got taken away.", because it was still considered "too gay".

And I think if someone hasn't lived it, they can't imagine the toll it takes on an impressionable teenage mind when they are told again and again that their sexuality and relationship are a liability, a danger, something better kept under wraps, something that the public will not accept or endorse; something that might or will ultimately ruin things for them and the other boys. Maybe those things were ever said out loud or bluntly, maybe they were expressed in more cunning ways, but those things are simply everything a forced closet implies.

What was done to them was manipulation of the most sinister kind, of this I am sure. I remember Harry saying often in recent years how scared he was back then to "make a mistake" and mess things up for the other boys. (I think we can all imagine what he meant by that) And how he recounted crying in disbelief and relief when he finally signed his new contract after they announced the hiatus. Him covering up his "Things I can't" tattoo with an eagle (which is a symbol for freedom) in Dec 2015 (1 month before the start of the hiatus) feels pretty significant to me, too.

Still, it takes years to unlearn and re-learn certain conditioning and I want to make it a point to say the closet is never the fault of the closeted person. I can only speculate, but it seems to me that parts of that conditioning and a closeting mindset still live inside of the choices that are being made for their respective careers. Holivia, Elk and babygate-still-not-ended are three of the most glaring examples. Without insight, it's hard for me to gauge reasoning, though, so I will leave these topics at this.

Also Louis apparently got the short end of the stick post-1D, with him still(?) being blacklisted by the powers that be (*clenches fist* fucking SC). But I cannot say much more to that, because I haven't caught up enough on it, yet. To me personally it always felt like SC tried to keep an iron fist especially on Louis and I can only hypothesise why. Maybe Louis was always most defiant to SC verbally, behind closed doors? Maybe it's got to do with SC's own suspected closeting? Maybe Louis had to make some sort of deal with him years ago? I shudder to even think about why SC is still "allowed" to insert himself into the boys' business so much (as evidently last seen at Liam's funeral). He's such a powerful asshole.

But back to Harry and Louis -- they do (to this day) present themselves differently to the general public in regards to their sexuality and relationship -and I share your feelings, anon, of wishing that things would've gone differently for Louis. 🥺 I think this is a very valid wish to have; for the people you admire to be as free and happy and seen as possible. For them to gain their full freedom and happiness on their own terms. For them to get to be their most authentic selves (*Louis voice* "Flamboyant!"). And eventually, maybe, for them to get to come out together (because if they do, I personally don't think they'd want to do it separately), if ever / whenever they want to and ideally, with a level of publicity they chose. Their potential coming out is a very multi-facetted discussion that I'm too sleepy to get further into, though.

To conclude my too-long-answer (sorry!!) -- I am still catching up on the past 6 years of Harry and Louis, but from what I have seen of the recent years, I have a feeling Louis does feel very seen..

..and that he's responding the most that he currently can / is comfortable with 🥹🏳️‍🌈

(melting at this decor of Louis' tourbus in 2022: another bear with a Louis smiley rainbow flag 🥹🧸🏳️‍🌈) (source post)

And I feel the same way about Harry. ("Feelin' myself. 😌🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️")

Harry and Louis have both been brave -- together and individually - in so many ways over the last 14 years. It left them at different points in their public images and just like you, anon, I sometimes ask myself "Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world." - it's not impossible. It's all a journey, for every member of our community. And Louis and Harry are still on it and have not reached the final destination, yet.

Harry's taken a more public road in 2015 than Louis was allowed to do and from the way Louis looked at Harry while he was bounding across the stage with the flags every night, he loved seeing his boy like that and likely silently cheered for him; knew Harry was doing it for him also. After all, they are a package deal est. 2010.

I'm secure in my belief that we will one day see Louis feel ready to pick up a rainbow flag on stage; that he'll raise it and lift a middle finger to everyone who ever doubted; that he'll let that flag hang from his mic stand for himself and Harry and all of us who always support him; who see him -- now and also back in the earliest days, where a 19 year old very camp Louis adopted British gay code for himself and happily sung his heart out at the G-A-Y next to the boy he's in love with.

I believe Louis when he says the last 2 years were incredibly happy for him. And despite it being an awful and tough time (for Harry, Zayn) and him right now, he's also said something he's always had and always will have is resilience. I hope he takes all the time he needs. Luckily, Harry and him have each other in this, too. Also I can imagine that Liam's sudden passing might have shifted their perspectives on a few things, as well.. so we will see.

I definitely can't wait to see Louis on tour again, when he gets to share himself exactly the way he's comfortable with 🥹

Then..

and now ✨

(gif credit 1 + gif credit 2, both by the amazing @delicatepointofview)

additional resources aka. two of my fave tags of all time to just spend time in: the Louis and rainbows and Harry and rainbows tag and this post of Louis using Polari ("a secret language gay men used popularly in the 50s to communicate with each other in England [...] commonly used until the 90s") all by the wonderful @daisiesonafield-blog

thank you for the kind message 💖 x

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

medialog august-december 2k24

i was like, should i just abandon this and start fresh in 2025... but no. also i'm putting this behind a cut bc it is long but it's shorter than it sounds bc LOL working 7 days a week is not conducive towards having the brain space to interact with a bunch of new art!!

watched

ponyo - THIS IS THE CUTEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!! miyazaki/ghibli is a big blind spot for me bc as a kid i was like "but i want anime to be pretty, like sailor moon..." so i never got into kiki or totoro (very stupid but again i was: A Child) and then as an adult, this is embarrassing, i tried to watch spirited away and just literally didn't get it. i was like, i am so confused about what is happening and what emotions i am supposed to be feelings. and i know that spirited away is a movie for children and this makes me stupid. but i have never pretended not to be stupid. anyway i would die for just about every character in this movie and when i watched it a second time to make nick watch it i was so full of tenderness for how lovingly it captures what it's like to be a small child who has a small creature to take care of that i felt like i could explode!

deadpool & wolverine - i think if i had been in a better mood when i saw this movie i would have disliked it more but as it was i was in a HORRENDOUS mood and, basically, had a good time. funny to watch this, the Superhero Movies Isabel Has Never Watched Cameo Show (literally i had never watched an x-men other than first class, in which wolverine only appears to say fuck off, or either of the two deadpools), and still get to experience the same OMG IT'S HIM rush as everyone else did, but for matthew mcfadyen. the guy next to me was like "i love channing tatum" when channing tatum showed up and like, same.

trap - great movie to see with a group of like 10 people with whom to giggle the whole time. josh hartnett understood the assignment and his dad-vibe era is soooo much hotter to me than his twink years ever were (not always the case for me! but between this and how hot he was in oppenheimer i've really warmed to him...). i think it's nice that m. night shyamalan loves his daughter so much. ladyraven has a ballad with the line "faustian trade-offs" which caused me and no one else in the theater to laugh real loud. her music is pretty bad but tbh in an era when people want to put chappell roan on the A-list i'm not even mad. it was funny trying to figure out her niche though because like the vibes are obviously supposed to be taylorish (the cabin onstage... lmao) but the music was giving... idk, ariana? also it's just inherently funny to make a movie premised on the fact that it would be really easy to narrow down who the serial killer is by identifying the adult men at a pop girl concert + this movie REALLY captures the vibe during the opening act no one gaf about a pop event concert, like i saw 5SOS open for 1D and that's exactly what it felt like

popstar: never stop never stopping - rewatch, duh. is this the funniest movie of all time? it's gotta be up there, right?

josie and the pussycats - also a rewatch, duh. love everything about this but most of all the soundtrack, the songs are legit incredible, no fictional band has ever had better music (rip adam schlesinger who contributed some songwriting!!!). first time rewatching this movie since figuring out some Stuff and understand now that rachel leigh cook needs to be on the Oh Those Were Gay Feelings. That's What That Was list. (rosario dawson too, but i already got there with her.)

vice - really incredible to think it would be possible to fuck up a movie about how dick cheney is basically satan but somehow mckay managed. christian bale is a professional though, i feel like we don't appreciate enough that no matter how bad the movie or how stupid the writing he's out there giving an absolute top tier performance every single time.

aliens - sorta half-watched this one but idk i feel like me and james cameron just don't vibe. not as incredible-looking or cool as the first one.

godzilla minus one - really really cute!!!!!!

jurassic park - rewatch on the big screen, still slaps the hardest of almost any movie ever

twentieth century - this is i guess nominally a screwball comedy (howard hawks, 1934, for those of you for whom that means something) but it's about these two toxic theater people who are horrible for and obsessed with each other and it's... darker... than my experience of that genre has usually been. in a way that sort of works in its favor partly because it just gives it a certain interest and partly because the gender politics of screwballs can be so dark themselves so it's kind of a relief that this one lacks the cognitive dissonance of pretending this all isn't horrible? idk. it's a weird one. but i liked it, on balance. there's a (pretty funny tbh) running gag about suicide threats and a really bananas third act plot that comes out of nowhere... great performances across the board and some real bangers dropped into the screenplay!

the substance - i didn't, like, love this, and i think a lot of common criticisms of it are right, but some are also very silly (guys i think the director knows nothing about the morning exercise show makes sense... i don't think she was going for a realistic depiction of 21st century celebrity...), and i did have a good time for the most part (the last 30 minutes is gross in a way that doesn't do it for me... but i know it does it for some people and those people deserve movies too...) and respected its commitment to its own bit, as well as the fact that it's basically a fairy tale (a woman who lives in a tower makes a bargain with a force she doesn't really understand to regain her beauty...). oh also i liked that the thing that drives the back half of the plot is essentially the idea that you simply cannot have a 22 year old's body without also having to contend with a 22 year old's dumb dumb stupid ass piece of shit idiot brain. haven't seen a lot of people comment on that aspect of it but it was like my favorite part!

female trouble - people throw out the word iconic a lot but like what else is there to say? rude, disgusting, occasionally genuinely offensive, mostly (for me) delightfully so... really great to watch with a crowd that would whoop and cheer for I'M SO GLAD I HAD AN ABORTION and THE WORLD OF THE HETEROSEXUAL IS A SICK AND BORING LIFE... also like it's really key for the way this movie functions that divine is a fat drag queen that most people do not consider the pinnacle of beauty but it's incredibly clear that john waters and this movie does... like divine's constant proclamations of her own gorgeousness are in a kind of inherent tension with the average american's disagreement with that sentiment but in a way where it's like, if you disagree you are an idiot and this movie is not yours. she's so hot in this it's crazy!!

michael clayton - i wanted to watch a talky thriller-ish movie and the men of the ringer podcast network literally never shut up about this one so i gave it a shot and it delivered! clooney predictably great but i had no idea tilda swinton & tom wilkinson were in it and they are both also awesome, as is merrit weaver in a small but very well cast role

venom - you can sort of glimpse the movie this movie would be if it weren't shackled to What A Superhero Movie Is Now / loosely to the MCU even though it pretends it's not, and i bet that movie would be a lot of fun!

black christmas (1974) - perfectly done urban legend horror with an interesting little pro choice streak, great cast, camera work so perfectly spooky and tense even i noticed how well it was done, makes good use of the cinematic potential of christmas lights. i really liked that this movie is short and a slasher but all the characters in it feel very well drawn even though we don't spend much time with almost any of them... reminded me that this is actually possible to do and i should be harder on movies that don't do it!

black christmas (2006) - nowhere near as good as the first one, but it is, uh, absolutely bugfuck crazyass bananapants start to end. my favorite of many deranged writing choices in this movie is that the sorority mother makes them all open their secret santa every year with a gift for the murderer who killed his family years ago in this house and then when one of the girls' townie boyfriend is like "this is the house that used to freak us out when we were kids" the sorority mother is like, "why?" ?????????? ok!!!!!

heretic - hugh grant is a fucking movie star. i love sophie turner and the other girl was good too. sort of loses steam once the "actually" scary stuff happens because horror movie shenanigans are hard to make as scary as the situation of two young and not very experienced girls slowly realizing they are trapped in a house with a man who just keeps pushing the boundaries of the social contract a little further, but i had fun

the apprentice - not a good movie but a great viewing experience for those of us who have reblogged in our lifetimes approx. 1 million combined gifsets of sebstan and jerbear... like yeah those are my guys and my guys did great :) i think my favorite thing about it as a movie (other than the way the "look" of it updates with technology, which is a cooler idea i wish had been used for a... better movie?) is that it really beats home the aspect of trmp wherein he has no social skills at all and has never felt authentically comfortable in a group of people in his entire life, which is something i think we should culturally be meaner to him about

gladiator - dumb (affectionate) movie magic. russell crowe has so much movie star charisma while looking so much like Just Some Guy it's literally crazy. when he kisses the little dolly of his wife who's about to die ;_;

raising arizona - miracle movie, can't believe i'd never watched this before. the coens' control of their tone is so incredible to see so early in their work (still gotta watch barton fink one of these day). incredible cast, gorgeous colors, so funny, so weirdly sweet, when it finished i felt like i'd watched a magic trick

erin brokovich - watched this for the first time since high school and like what else is there to say but Queen Icon Legend Slay? i am speaking of course about steven soderbergh but julia is pretty fucking incredible too.

conclave - i'm gonna be real i feel like the hype got to me a lil with this one because it's not as bitchy and fun as i feel like i was led to believe... also requires more buy-in re: the moral direction of the catholic church than i anticipated. however it does have its moments and it's nice to see some of our best actors being good at their jobs and it looks great!

the philadelphia story - i found this movie so delightful to watch that for a moment i really thought she might run off with jimmy stewart at the end and not get back tamed with her abusive ex..... but such was the power of the hepburn/stewart chemistry in that one drunk garden scene that i found myself totally incapable of actually integrating the gender politics of this one into my feelings towards it... like i just couldn't be mad at a movie that gave me a scene that made me want to scream JUST KISS!!!! the most anything has since the first time i watched "cooler"... do you know what that is? for me to bust out "cooler" as a comp? my god... i understand why my friend has been like that about hepburn our whole lives and am also now fully baby jimmy stewart pilled

gladiator ii - the consensus is right on this one: not as good as the first, paul mescal is no russell crowe, but denzel really ate. my friends and i laughed out loud at almost every single denzel scene. we're so lucky to have him.

wicked - bad movie of a bad musical, fundamentally misunderstands the function of songs in a musical and thus shoots every single musical number abominably, as ugly as you've heard, we are not advanced enough technologically for me to emotionally invest in CGI Goat Voiced By Peter Dinklage, but ariana deserves an oscar. the prettyboy was pretty good too. orivo can really sing but her acting was kinda giving Distressed Pixar Mom for me although i'm happy to add this to john m chu's many crimes.

out of sight - the romantic premise of this movie is CRAZY but george clooney kinds of sells it actually because and not in spite of the fact that he's one of those curious Incredibly Handsome But Not Very Sexy actors... like you believe that she wouldn't really hold a grudge against him locking her in a trunk with him, because, what, clooney's gonna act untoward? no... not him... j. lo joins andie macdowell as an actress out of whom soderbergh somehow coaxes a much better performance than experience would lead you to believe she is capable of. shockingly stacked cast of pros doing great, INCREDIBLE production design - banner movie for characters costumed to match or complement their interiors!!!

burlesque - dr. sam from new girl fucks stanley tucci in this movie... i literally can't stop thinking about that. xtina maybe has the all time highest ratio of vocal chops to charisma, she has the screen presence of a recurring character on a cancelled WB drama and then she opens her mouth and you're like, damn. i would watch an 8 season HBO sitcom of cher and stanley tucci running a failing burlesque club. at one point i said out loud "chekhov's air rights." great time

logan lucky - "what if steven soderbergh made a heist movie but decided to put his coen brothers hat on and, also, cast channing tatum as a divorced dad who wants to support his daughter's dreams but is seriously wigged out by pageant culture?" yes please. absolutely. adam driver almost never acts in movies i actually want to see but he really is one of the real ones.

babygirl - one of those movies where i can understand lots of things that didn't work for people but i, personally, was completely rapturous the entire time because i wanted a movie where i could walk out saying "nicole kidman did that" and i got that AND ALSO (a) a story about a perfectionist who hates herself and (b) sex scenes that are funny and weird and awkward and warm and human. that's so many things i love happening at once, i will happily forgive and overlook any flaws. i really just loved how much the two of them are actively figuring this thing out as they go and how that's embarrassing and goofy and also sweet and fun. plus nicole kidman really did do that, i mean, like, my god... my god....

fantasmas - you have to watch fantasmas... why haven't you watched fantasmas yet... i really struggle to imagine the person who would follow My Dumb Blog but not be into fantasmas... "the gay ones don't draw dicks, they draw eyes"... julio torres is the voice of a generation

the franchise - not quite as much of a banger as i wanted to be but likable enough, & i'm a sucker for showbiz jokes (jokes about insecure actors, etc.), although i think chris ryan had a point on the watch pod when he was like, the thing about the satire elements of this show are that if you know anything about the actual production stuff on superhero/franchise movies it's hard to satirize because like, the real stuff is actually just that crazy... there's a running thread about the overworked VFX guy and it's kinda funny but also like, well this lines up more or less with what those teams have actually said... anyway. i want to say i'm a lil bummed it didn't get renewed nonetheless but also i forgot until i was typing up the list of things to document here that i had never gotten around to the season finale, so i guess i can't really honestly claim to be that bummed lol. (watched it while washing dishes - pretty good!) did love daniel bruhl as a sensitive artiste director being soul-crushed by the studio machine though! that guy's great.

read

r. o. kwon, exhibit - this one's tough. ultimately, there were actually a lot of things i liked about this book. it had some moments that felt really human and well observed (when the protagonist says something about how usually orgasms aren't worth the guilt and then says she knows she's letting us down and her paramour says who's us and the protagonist says all women... that's funny and real and not unrelateable to me for different reasons!). the bones of it were i think ultimately solid - like yeah she's terrible at communicating but ultimately the book is about her running away from the hard fact that her husband wants a baby and she doesn't and the psychology holds water throughout, i think. (also a funny paragraph about how she knows how to cook but mostly subsists on like handfuls of nuts and bread dipped into olive oil or whatever and then she's like "and you thought i could raise a child?"... also relateable...) i REALLY related to the idea of being a person who simultaneously has the memory of experiencing the loss of faith in god as genuinely, actually traumatic and also being like "btw my family might be cursed by vengeful spirit, it's a whole thing, but i gotta try to talk to her before i do this because she kind of gave me the idea," and i really liked that the book didn't spend any effort on reconciling these two things because... i mean iykyk, like i really can't explain beyond "sometimes that's what it's like" - AND i also liked the ultimate reveal of that storyline and how it tied into the core character work of the main plot. plus the whole thing is like the "trying stuff out sexually as a vehicle/metaphor for owning your whole self" thing that i (a) have enjoyed writing in fanfiction and (b) really loved watching in babygirl lmao. unfortunately the writing was the most annoying tryhard I Get It You Have An MFA ass prose i have ever encountered... i complained about this at the time but it's craaazyyyy to use the word "mirific" three times in a ~200 page novel lmao. deranged. calm yourself. i also felt like the dialogue was really bad although i guess i can't totally rule out that this is a book about artists and artists actually are that annoying? idk though... it didn't feel stylized it just felt weird... who says "tippled"... so, ultimately i couldn't say that i "liked" this even though it had elements i admired or enjoyed.

naomi klein, the shock doctrine: the rise of disaster capitalism - as i mentioned at the time, very enamored of its framing device in a very popular nonfiction/thomas friedman lite kinda way, but when it's not doing that (which luckily is most of the time), this is an informative and well explicated accounting of the horrors milton friedman has unleashed upon the world. i liked her fundamental argument that you can't politicize along economic grounds horrors committed under communism but not do that for capitalism, which has sort of seeped into general internet leftist thought (a testament to the success of this book) but which i appreciate more having seen how she builds her case.

the red nation, the red deal: indigenous action to save our earth - read this for a mutual aid book club that never happened lol. at the end of this book they're like "well probably none of this is new in the climate justice conversation but we don't think things have to be new to be valuable" and like... on the one hand true... on the other hand if you're even vaguely aware of climate justice discourse... not a lot here is new. i also, perhaps unpopularly, have become kind of a... idk... i mean when people are like "we can't solve climate collapse without dismantling capitalism" these days my reaction is basically "well one of those things might happen in the next two hundred years and it's not dismantling capitalism." i'm not like a tech-zealot but a... tech-realist? idk. this is not what i want to be true but it is my honest accounting of the situation. so, any argument that's like "step one: dismantle capitalism" is... it's just not where i'm at these days.

patrick radden keefe, say nothing: a true story of murder and memory in northern ireland - there are no doubt quibbles or political issues to be had with this book, a story of the troubles focused largely on a particular group of IRA members operating in west belfast in the early 70s - as an idiot coming into this subject basically cold, i would have appreciated slightly more grounding in the political situation leading up to the swelling of violence in this period - but, damn, this book is fucking mesmerizing. keefe really brings the people involved to life, particularly the young IRA members at the heart of his chronicle, and while it's clear he doesn't condone all their actions, my own sense was that he was more interested in truly understanding and making clear their own understandings of their motivations & understanding of themselves & ethical framework than he was in passing judgment (and i also definitely felt like he had a certain admiration for the integrity of someone like brandon hughes or dolours price, who were always willing to own what they did and why they did it, and a genuine disdain for how fucking crazy it is for gerry adams to rebrand as a peacenik when literally everybody knows he spent the early 70s telling people to plant bombs lmao). (also having read empire of pain... he definitely holds the sacklers in lower esteem than the IRA, lol.) the final chapters of the book also touch on the really fascinating difficult question of how you morally reckon with the revolutionary violence you did if the revolution you did it for never came to pass - this is the heart of why his fellow ex-IRA comrades feel so betrayed by adams, who has left them to shoulder the burden of that guilt alone while pivoting to the compromise they once agreed would not suffice which was part of the reason for all the violence, and it is something i think about a lot as someone who would not self identify as a pacifist and thinks the historical record leaves no doubt that sometimes violence is necessary for change but nonetheless feels very reluctant to endorse specific acts of revolutionary violence in theory. thrilling and thorny, ultimately i would say deserving of all the accolades i learned after reading it has apparently received lol.

patrick radden keefe, the snakehead: an epic tale of the chinatown underworld and the american dream - not quite as tremendous-feeling as say nothing, but that's mostly because that's a crazy high bar; this is a really fascinating look at the human smuggling trade (& other organized-ish crime) in NYC's chinatown in the 80s/90s, including the middle aged woman who was at the heart of much of it. contains: some totally deranged gang warfare stories; a really fascinating look at the weirdness of chinese immigration policy in the 90s, when china's one-child policy pushed normally anti-immigration republicans to switch on this issue for pro-life reasons (the one child policy... maybe the one thing every american politician shares the same view on, for different reasons?); interesting background on fujian, the high-outmigration region of china from whence many of the principles in this story came; an accounting of an insane boat journey gone so wrong that at one point after the would-be migrants have been trapped in a harbor off the coast of africa (i forget which country), when they finally leave, two of them decide to stay because the chinese restaurant they've opened is doing so well. i keep thinking about the fact keefe highlights that of the hundreds of doomed migrants on this hugely traumatic journey who wound up deported after crash-landing, nearly all of them eventually made their way back to the US.

kazuo ishiguro, nocturnes - my first ishiguro since my teen ishiguro phase (a concept that should really be regarded the way that teens getting into heavy metal and grunge is in pop culture e.g. a sign to check in on their mental health lmao). didn't love these but i can't tell if that's because i prefer ishiguro as a novelist or because i'm just bad at reading short stories... also to be fair there were at least 2 ishiguro novels i read back then and was like "the fuck was that" lol. some very funny moments and a lot of like, amusing portraits of unlikable people, and i do love his style, which is like, a pathologically conversational first person that years of reading since has taught me is much more technically difficult than it looks, but ultimately it felt pretty slight.

naomi klein, doppleganger: a trip into the mirror world - klein takes on, like, "the wellness to alt right pipeline" is an oversimplification but topics in that neck of the woods, inspired by the wack ass shit constantly being tweeted by Other Naomi (wolf), with whom klein is frequently confused on twitter. this is an inherently very funny premise for a book and a lot of what klein says is in my view pretty accurate, and some of her literary/theoretical musings on dopplegangers as a Thing are interesting to read, plus the whole thing is on topics of interest to me, aka Alt Right Derangement And Weird Shit People Are Up To Online. however..... so klein says that she herself was very offline until covid happened, basically, and so if you have been online longer, and especially if you have been actively reading stuff about Weird Shit People Are Up To Online, then this book is basically a smart person catching up with topics you yourself already know a lot about. so in a funny way i found this a more enjoyable read than the shock doctrine, because it's less of an unrelenting fucking bummer about human evil and suffering, but it was also less enriching, because she didn't really bring any new insight to topics that, again, are probably in the top 5 of Post Headlines I'm Most Likely To Click On. like yeah, deranged alt right types are using the language of social justice and inequality and bodily autonomy to further their various causes... tru... i mean it is tru... i also think the fact that her default is a Not Online person who only changed her vibe after covid makes her a bit more of an internet doomer bc she doesn't viscerally get the nontoxic value possible to find in Online through diligent curation lol. but i do think it was a solid accounting of the subcultures and and ideologies she explores so like i said i basically liked it and if you're less tuned into weird internet radicalization currents than i am you will probably find it informative!

suzanna clarke, piranesi - i don't even know what to say about this one, probably tied with tender as my favorite book i read last year (strong fantasy year for me i guess). it's so crazy that suzanna clarke wrote jonathan strange & mr. norrell, the most perfect book of all time, and then did this, which is also the most perfect book of all time, in a completely different way. her gift for atmosphere and voice is second to none and in this one she uses it to draw us into caring so deeply for a narrator who can't even remember his own past - the book in some ways is a mystery and the doling out of information is perfectly paced but the reason it works is because we just love this guy because of how much he loves the universe. the final chapter expresses something about survival & upheaval & change (&, sure, trauma, if you want) that, as i said before & will come as no surprise, is so so so precisely keyed into an idea so deeply important to me... ahh! just sublime!

v. c. andrews, flowers in the attic - book club!! this book is CRAZY but there's only two real things i want to say about it: (1) a lot of what's totally deranged about it is that on the one hand, it has the most gothic novel ass set-up ever - horrible incest house of dark secrets and shame, children literally living in an attic, physical decay, etc. etc. - and on the other hand in all other respects its sensibilities are the most american 70s suburban ass thing, so that it's like, a gothic novel where the evil mother goes to secretary school and the kids watch sitcoms and cut construction paper in the secret attic... like, the tonal clash is soooo crazy, it's incredible; and (2) ok so like by the time it happens you 100% want those siblings to fuck. like. you just do.

suzanna clarke, jonathan strange and mr. norrell - counting this as last year even though i read the second half in january lol. ummm best book in the world. third time through and i genuinely think it gets better every time. most purely pleasurable reading experience of all time.

stephanie mccurry, confederate reckoning: power and politics in the civil war south - ditto re timing (technically i have like a couple pages of this one left and a few more quotes to post lol). i picked this back up as a comfort reread after the election and it slaps so hard it's crazy. love to read about how a bunch of war-losing loser traitors lost in no small part because it's hard to wage war as a modern state committed to resisting the tides of modernity!!!! sucks 2 suck!!!!!

listened

maude latour, sugar water - i'm kind of obsessed with maude latour not in terms of being obsessively in love with her music, although i think she's very good, but because she's my go-to example of someone out here doing girlpop toiling away in the spotify minds unremuneratively who i would easily and even gladly swap fame-wise with basically any of the pop girls in our current rising class (thinking of olivia/chappell/sabrina... none of whom are like terrible - well ok i have yet to hear a chappell roan song i think is actually good lol but i guess she can sing and it's nice that she's gay - but also alleged newcomers like tate mcrae? addison whoever? madison beer? these are not real people stop trying to act like they're real people! ladyraven ass pop girls...). she just makes really solid, well written, inventive but still catchy pop. i returned to this short album a lot more than i expected to, often thinking i wanted to hear just the first song (a standout) and then realizing i was happy to let the rest play through. also gay stuff, if you care about that.

sabrina carpenter, short n sweet - like it's all very competent and espresso deserves its flowers but who cares? who could possibly ever care? i've been SUCH an antonoff apologist and please please please is the first song where i felt like i was hearing him as his haters hear him, it sounds like shit. there are better moments and worse moments, some ok lines, she can sing, etc., but where's the vision? where's the personality? nothing to grab on to.

beabadoobee, this is how tomorrow moves - beabadoobee is obviously talented and intelligent and her music sounds enough like a kind of music i like that i always feel like i should like her more... but i think she's a little too stripped down and sophisticated for me. that said "ever seen" was one of my top songs of 2024, total absolute BANGER

charly bliss, forever - doesn't quite live up to the heights of young enough, but given that young enough is a strong contender for my favorite album of the past decade, i'm not really sure it could. this one is pop-punkier and very hooky lots of fun, and i just love eva's taffy-pull voice and wanna listen to her sing anything. also it has a song that sounds so much like a pop punk version of a kesha song it's legit uncanny to me.

pom pom squad, mirror starts moving without me - big step up from their last album, IMO, and i liked that a lot too! ambitious in an interesting way but also lots of fun. this one also has a song that at points sounds so much like a kesha song it's crazy, as does a 2023 album i was recently listening to by underscores... i feel like we're living in a big post-kesha moment and i don't know if anyone is appreciating it enough...

pale waves, smitten - i agree with pale waves that "what if avril lavigne got really into shoegaze and was also gay" is a great idea for an album. really pretty production on this one!

070 shake, petrichor - my friend dave was like "this album might be bad but i'm obsessed with it" and i listened out of solidarity and was like, i don't like this but i can understand why you specifically would. friendship!

charli xcx, brat and it's completely different but it's still brat - i never really listen to enough albums to justify having an album of the year but something about the release of the remix album really opened up the whole project to me and i was completely obsessed with it for a while and still love it. track by track most of the remixes are not quite as good as the original track (although some, like caroline polacheck's gorgeous turn on everything is romantic, are definite upgrades), but something about the spirit of generosity that infuses the project, the way it makes it all feel like a project more than an album, the sense that charli has thrown this party and she's invited up and coming spanish rapper bbtrix alongside ariana grande, the way it's less disciplined than the album proper but more expansive, at some points grimier and clubbier and at other points more emotive and romantic... idk. feels like a whole world. the so i remix alone, like - releasing a sad song about your friend who died, and then releasing a faster song about all the fun shit you used to do, that sounds more like a song your dead friend would have produced, is one of the most loving acts i have ever seen committed through art and it made me cry even though i never connected with SOPHIE's music bc i'm not really cool enough to be into hyperpop. rooting for charli at the grammies even though i know it's not gonna happen lmao.

other

jenny holzer at the guggenheim - there was a jenny holzer installation at the guggenheim!! it was really cool!! i finally understood something @rgr-pop said years ago about how it matters that she is a visual artist and her words (incredible as they often are as words) appear physically in a space. it is in fact Different, to see them in a space. in addition to The Classics (i got so fannishly excited spotting IT IS IN YOUR SELF INTEREST TO FIND A WAY TO BE VERY TENDER lmao), the installation also included a lot of her more recent and more overtly political stuff, some of which engaged specifically with the bush ii administration & iraq/afghanistan, which made for intense viewing given that i happened to go right around the time i read the shock doctrine (as did spotting the one about how mothers who have a reason to cry should do so in public....). jenny holzer is great! so glad i could experience that!