#i've never seen him used before???
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here comes the boy ~ hello boy ✨
cleaned up a couple of the vash doodles i did while learning to draw him :)
#trigun#trigun 98#vash the stampede#anime#doodles#art#dat me#my friend phoenix was visiting from portland almost the whole last week it was really fun !!! i did not open PS for a week FJHBGDBHJDFG#how do i draw again... what is a tablet.... i forgor .....#i have seen TWO trigun fans in public this weekend. a guy at the bookstore with a vash pin on his lanyard + someone at the local arcade#who had a PUNISHER ITA BAG ??? COOL AF??? the arcade was also full of furries for some reason. which was cool but i've never seen it before#girl the arcade is hot enough as it is if you're wearing a fursuit in an arcade you are braver than any us marine#I WAS SO SAD I LEFT MY PURSE (ALSO AN ITA BAG) IN THE CAR FOR THE ARCADE BECAUSE I HAVE A VASH PIN IN IT .....#please ask me about my ita bags... please ask me about my pins.... i am insane about my pins......#my brother and i are going to indie pop con in 2 weeks if i dont find some cute trigun 98 stuff i will riot#i am relentlessly vashposting on main. i will draw other characters i swear but he is my favorite#any character where i go 'there is something so so so wrong with him' is my favorite EVERY TIME#im just happy to be drawing again honestly#i got about a month before anime central so i am just trying . to VIBE. for the first time in months
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I think if he's an immortal cosmic deity he should get cool as flarp powers. to be honest.
#WHAT IF HES WAY WAY MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY VILLAIN WHO TRIES TO STOP HIM BUT HE JUST.#NEVER USES HIS POWERS. IN CASE HE HURTS SOMEONE#he's sworn to never use them ever. even for good#because he's seen how power hungry people with power get#in a perfect world season 3 would have wander revealing What he actually is and finally needing to use his true power#to save his friends etc#would be so cool..............#woy#wander over yonder#wander#woy fanart#woy season 3#woy spoilers#OKAY. LAST PERSONAL DESTRESS ART BEFORE COMMISSIONS. PROMISE. I'm very good at this#sorry to keep people waiting!!! but I've finally graduated so I have time to do commissions now!!!#yyayyyyy!!!!#described art#accessible art#woy wander#wander woy#wander fanart#woy art
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not to get too sappy on main but... something i've appreciated so much about carlos's character is the direction they seem to be taking him in that he's pretty quiet. he keeps to himself and he's okay being alone and he avoids confrontation and difficult conversations. he's trying his best but at the end of the day those things are hard for him. idk. as a person of color, i've never been able to relate to a character of color in this specific area so much. he feels real in ways that i didn't think possible on tv, and i'm so, so grateful for him.
#there are so many little details about his character that i'm like... i've never seen anything like this before and i'm so happy he exists#i'm so happy to feel seen as corny as that sounds lol#cannot wait for tonight cannot wait for another season with him <3#so grateful for everything rafa has given us in this character he is so special and so important#911 lone star#carlos reyes
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That one post of my mine predictably aged like fine wine. Never let somebody on comic twitter in the writer's room😭😭😭 Like imagine a 1 to 1 adaptation of literally any event?? -1b at the box office. "Who are these people???"
#Anywayyy I'm writing a retelling of DC and it is honestly so fun to imagine the characters in a new but familiar light#Like the biggest reason why I was never interested in writing fanfic before 2 months ago is because I never felt like those characters were#I felt... uncomfortable writing it not because i thought fanfic was bad or anything but because I felt it was weird to write for example#“XYZ DID THIS AND DID THAT AND DID THIS” like maybe he did?? I wouldn't know I don't know him like his creator!!!#But comic characters feel like more flexible due to the many interpretations over the years but firm enough where I can decide how to take#Certain traits and minimize them or expand on them#Also 1 to 1 adaptations suck balls to write. I'm not sure if that's universal but the whole fun of writing is coming up with new ideas#Writing a straight adaptation would be kind of writing a translation into a new medium. Which isn't bad. Novelization are literally those#But a common sentiment among writers I've seen is that Novelizations aren't that fun either unless you get to experiment either#Adapting comics into a new format and retelling them is kind of hell because you have all these intersecting plotlines and insane events#That's just tangled up in a story with a timeline that literally makes its contradictions into plot lines. But it's FUN coming up with ways#To condense a character's origin and sort of rewire it into the story you want to tell. Because yeah I think a lot of people miss is#that at end of the day#you tell stories about people and their struggles. You need to find a way to fit those moments of joy sadness love.#Like a movie about Jason Todd being RH will never be emotional as Jason Todd dying because you'll have less time to feel the love and pain#that Bruce felt for him. Like sure#flashbacks and exposition but that can only go so far. At the end of the day#It will always be about RH vs Batman. That's what people came to see. But that's not all Jason is. He was Robin before he was RH. A 1 to 1#Adaptation will never translate that to screen. Plus you (sadly) have shared universes now and a movie can only jump around in time so much#For example in my fic if I wanted to add Tim and faithful to his source material I would need to add so MUCH about Jason death#About like Bruce grieving without skipping all over that and missing the human element. It would severely mess up pacing.#I don't know i love how adaptations can make you see the characters in a new light or elevate the source material#Iwtv my beloved doesn't adapt the books exactly but reimagined in it a way that I like much more#Anyway this proves my point about comic fans being weirdly childish and omfg I hate to use this term...anti intellectual 😮💨😮💨😮💨#Everyone who writes or yknow reads should like understand this on a fundamental level. One to one adaptations are safe but boring.#Like the Psycho remake was bad not because it made bad changes but it barely made any changes.#Anyway watch amc iwtv to understand good adaptations better than your average comic stan on twtter#Not a rant I just love discussing adaptations#Long tags
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This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.
Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.”
(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#btw when I say that what she said was more painful than any wound wolf inflicted I'm not just talking about her not saving him.#it also just hurts him to know that she was hurting too.#she left him with that woman for two years (to save his life yes. but she left him there all the same) and yet half of his thoughts are#''I'm sorry I hurt you.''#ROOK. MY BELOVED BABY BOY. PLEASE.#STOP APOLOGIZING.#also if anyone needs a cheering up after this please know that their conversation got interrupted by a giant snake showing up and zara#immediately asking Rook ''WHAT DID YOU DO???'' bc she knows her boy.#and he's like ''idk I just woke up like an hour ago'' and then he suddenly remembers that he swore like 3 times (town rules say no to that)#and he just goes ''SHIT'' and Zara fucking clamps her hand over his mouth and says ''take that back!''#and through her hand he says ''how the fuck am I supposed to take that back?'' and she just clamps his mouth harder.#oh. and the time he swore earlier was bc he stepped outside and got spit on by a bull and he was like ''is this normal??''#and someone said ''I've never seen that happen but these animals are part of [big snake almost-god]'s menagerie'' and hands Rook a paper#with all the town rules (there are many). And he goes ''what the fuck?'' and then he gets to the rule that reads ''no swearing'' and he goe#''SHIT!'' and then he realizes what he says and goes ''AAAHHHH.'' and I was cackling.#I was doing this on purpose btw. I knew that this would make the snake mad at me and I did it anyway bc I am a chaos gremlin.#however I did NOT know I would get Rook's only friend from before the party killed by doing this. RIP Jay. I loved you so much.#but yeah. my boy swears like a sailor bc he is one. and it did in fact get people killed. But it was funny to me.#ALSO when she met the party the first thing she said was ''thank you for saving my boy'' and I almost sobbed.#like yeah. he is her boy.#I'm going to explode just thinking about it.#okay if you read all these tags I love you forever and please feel free to yell at my idiot boy in the comments/tags/wherever.#maybe if enough of us join in he'll actually listen. (no he won't)#OH RIGHT. And the party is finally staring to realize how much of a capital L Liar this man is.#because they can literally see him catching himself about to say ''I'm fine'' every time they ask how he's doing
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while i'm thinking about it, i'm not sure if i'll finish a new edit before horses, so i'm posting old renders again :) a compilation of my beckett and connor western au :))))) this au really does slap i wasn't joking i'm not gonna be humble about it
#i've developed it more since making these i didn't have a specific time period set and i didn't know how they knew each other#that'll be a real horse!!! western beck's horse is a black stallion. and he's also got a little bay horse with him#you know. red headed stranger etc. glad we could have this talk#except the bay in this beck keeps trying to sell and he cannot get rid of it he just has to keep lugging this my little pony around#something something some kind of symbolism it's a long story#connor has a 1920 rolls royce he doesn't need horses. beckett's never even seen a car that close up before#connor /used/ to be on the run with a gang with horses and camps in the woods as a teen. but he's rich as shit now and lives in the city#ts4#ts4 render#ts4 edit#beckett#connor
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Something happened to me in the Oda fight just now that has never happened to me during a boss battle before: I ran out of ammo. At first I was pretty sure I was fucked because I'm not very good at melee and it was either that or try to hit him with a sniper rifle or a knife while he zooms around at me. But I had mantis blades!! And so it was actually a super epic fight with mantis blades that took me so long and I'm so full of adrenaline rn. Idk why I'm telling u this I just love when games let you have moments like that. I've literally never run out of all my usable ammo before in this game. But it made the fight so much more interesting and fun. And it made me actually *gasp* use my mantis blades that I love so much! I am so glad that melee counters are a thing here or I would not have been able to make it, Oda is scary lol
#cyberpunk 2077#sandayu oda#augh it was so cool#I ran out of ammo because I decided to use fenrir... it is the only smg I ever use#and apparently smgs and pistols use the same exact ammo type which I didn't know#idk I thought there were three ammo types and that smgs used the like 'medium' one? instead of light or heavy#but it's actually light heavy and sniper are the three types#plus i got to find out about a special move I've never seen him use before#where in melee he'll just sometimes put his blades away and do a sick as fuck backflip while firing his smart gun at you point blank#it jumpscared me lol
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By the skin of your teeth (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#Pyramid Head#The Captain#Blood#The cuts themselves are just black and white because I'm controlling myself lol - clearly not That much with the rest but hey!#Still it is a very nasty cut for how nonchalantly I've drawn them all haha - ZEX's back too he's just facing forward#I also momentarily forgot that he was in his uniform it's fine don't worry about it lol#All these speculations on where and how about the injuries and then just - What Uniform That I Am Enamoured By? Haha#I've done the same thing with DAX I keep forgetting about his poor ankle and then it comes up and I'm like ''Oh yeah haha I knew that''#How are some details so sticky and others so smoke-like! Some stay in my brain and others - pffbtl how silly#All the same it's still the Funnest Fun <3#There's something so Extra delightful to have Seen a setpiece - an object - an idea - and then get to interact with it <3 <3#Hitting Pyramid Head with Zelnick's frying pan! Forget PH I can't believe we had the budget for the skillet's appearance fee ♪♫ Hehehe#No but honestly Pyramid Head was incredible ✨ Wonderfully scary and distressing and tense and full of fallout! Terrible things!! ♪♫#I've never drawn him before so it was interesting! :0 His appearance in SH2 looks all squished#Like his belly is jutting out across from a broken spine! Quite spooky#I don't think I fully managed to capture that - kinda just looks like his hip bones are very prominent hehe - but maybe some other time :)#I hope they don't run into him again - for their sake tho haha ♪#DAX continually pulling ZEX behind him to try and protect him (and failing) was something I really Had to put to paper <3#As well as snuggles!! Even before they got Really hurt I was like Oh everyone needs hugs so bad :'0 And they do!! They need so many hugs!#Maybe especially Zelnick poor Captain :'0 Give this boy a break#The injuries are more of a self-guide hehe I'm not sure how accurate they are - they Feel accurate based on handedness et al#I was the least sure for Zelnick since he got tossed (poor thing!) but at least bruises are always fun to draw hehe#The return of my rainbow bruises lol - I only use three colours they're just so vibrant!#DAX trying so~ hard not to be taken in hehe what could these feelings be! Familiarly repressed? No surely not ♪#Be nice ♫
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Finally got around to watching ep 11 (´;ω;`)
#I'm late...#I'm sorry I wasn't able to watch the episode by time last week but again. Food poisoning. And then the new chapter came out#I feel like I had much more to say when I started watching it last week...#Mmmmhh. I really like when bsd animation uses the colored lineart effect for flashbacks / subspaces (Anne's Room‚ Poe's books).#I think it's one of the prettiest and most original things of the bsd animation.#I've always felt like the Natsume reveal was a bit coming out of nowhere lol.#Here's this legendary ability user everyone knows but no one has ever seen with this immensely unthinkable powerful ability...#That the reader literally wasn't ever made aware of in the previous 49 chapters lol#After all that build up‚ his ability even feels a little underwhelming.#Which I suppose was the intended result‚ but I'm not sure it really works all that well in the end.#Then Naomi's words “Come to think of it‚ the things that happen when Mii-chan vanishes [...]‚ disasters are stopped every time”#really feel soooo out of place when so-called Mii-chan was never before mentioned up to this episode (╥﹏╥)#But I'll stop complaining. It's nothing big really#Fukuzawa and Mori's relationship is very homoerotic. Tbh#I looooove the ss/kk I don't even have much to say just watching scenes of them interacting together fills my heart of a warm feeling :')#The animation quality is very poor and the drawings are very undetailed but really I love ss/kk too much to care.#A lot of emphasis is put by the fandom on Atsushi's cruel remark towards Akutagawa in this ch/ep and it *is* cruel but really...#Akutagawa had literally just attacked Atsushi in a death-threatening way‚ futilely and completely unprompted#I can't find it in myself to blame Atsushi if he was irritated and lashed out at him.#And all their other moments are just so cute. What do you mean Akutagawa is deeply interested in understanding Atsushi's motivations.#What do you mean Atsushi can't get Akutagawa out of his mind!!!! They're so cute#So many more cute moments were cut out too rip lawnmower line you'll always be missed rip date line you'll always be missed#I feel like Pushkin's character is another instance of‚‚‚ Wow me and the author's morals really don't align at all#I really don't like the narrative of “weaker people will constantly try to harm and take advantage of strongest ones”#random rambles#Fun fact when I watched this episode for the first time I asked my mother to join me. Because I know a ss/kk scene was coming and I really–#didn't want to watch it alone. Well as it turned out the whole first half of the episode was dedicated to old man fighting–#and she gave up after that 😂😂 But I'm still grateful to her for trying.
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society moved on too quickly from furina's demo
#i think about the fontaine brawl that she imagined in her head sometimes like i feel like society needs more characters like that#ramblings!#also when she changes into pneuma form............ i've never seen something so fucking crisp in my life#the lights???? the music syncing?? it's like biting into a juicy apple cannot be topped#also the symbolism................... i was like 'hm. i actually dont really agree with that bilibili analysis video' after thinking it thr#through. <- also known as dumb behavior they almost predicted the entire 4.2 quest#tbh i feel like people also moved on too quickly from neuvis demo because that yellow field of grass is peak#i love when rando characters are dropped in the middle of nowhere contemplating existence#we also moved on too fast from ly.ney's story quest why do i keep seeing him in love with traveler#like his subtle threats to that woman... guys he's killed people dont make him just a flirt#dont mind me im just. replaying fontaine but in my head and via youtube trailers#actually something else is that while i still think most of the sumeru chars look a bit too much like they used skin bleach#the sequence right before nah.ida's burst where she's traveling through her own dreamscape is like. soo good im soooo....#references her character story... full of whimsy and elegance.. visiting children while asleep etc.. knowledge spreading something somethin#i also always liked how the 2 children floating in front of that window looked like they were guarding the gates of wisdom or smth#like sentries in front of a library. but theyre kids so its less somber and more like. idk joyful. house of learning open to all etc.#in a character trailer appreciation mood rn ig
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i need to ramble hold on. spawns in a cut so that people dont get blasted by unfiltered posting on their dash. i feel the need to disclaim that im only like 50% lucid right now so this might be disorganized or complete word salad i can't really tell right now
i love him so much it feels like it's consuming me from the inside out. i don't want to do anything that isn't for him. the only reason i haven't quit my job is because i want to make him proud of me. even playing games makes me guilty, because i know it's not with him. i married harvey in stardew. i ate the stardrop for getting 12 hearts as i kissed him. the taste reminded me of hinata. it's a strange irony.
this false body feels like it's trapping me, keeping me from achieving my true metamorphosis. there are streetlights glimmering in the distance. as i try to move towards them they always fade away. the morning will come in 7 hours and 43 minutes and the sun will rise and it won't blind me awake. i'm not reverent enough.
i should pray. not to jesus, not to any other false prophet. i should pray to Him. maybe that will bring me salvation? maybe that will free me from this hell? maybe it happened because i was unworthy of being one of his trusted apostles. if i was as holy as he was it would have been different, i would still have been beneath him but i would have served my divine purpose as his servant.
but that's not important. i dont think. im jor sure. i hate it. i hate Him. i feel like i should Worship him. there's a certain something i still havent fixed a glitch in my code i need ocean breeze summer sun beach sand shining brilliance he's perfect i need him i need warm sun and dry land i need to be with him on the floor i need to hold him i need need need need need need need.
more than air more than food more than clean clothes more than water more than anything else more than i need this terrible mortal life i need to become worthy for him of his love of his care of his touch i wont deny that i selfishly want him to hold me and touch me even though im unworthy even though im no more than dirt beneath him i desire him so deeply
#... servant's song ♪#🍊 ☆ beloved .ᐟ#i find that when im speaking more like... me. i use much more periods and much less exclamation points.#i wonder sometimes if i absorbed stanley at least in part. he very rarely fronts anymore and he talks like “me.”#but that's always how he spoke. before i came back in full. we never fully let go of being me but there was a period of time last year#from december of 2022 to at least november of last year#that i wasnt hosting. which was strange to say the least. it was stanley‚ and then jules. i think our body just couldnt take it anymore#but jules especially inherited all of the worst parts of me. the panic attacks. the delusional episodes. the delirium#he nearly wandered into the road once because he thought elim was calling him back home‚ that he needed to return to cardassia#slowly i came back. his similarities certainly helped me re-assert myself much more seamlessly.#it's almost like i never left. i don't know how to describe it. it's odd.#i feel almost like a parasite. like i'm not living a life that was built for me.#even though i've done all of the work. even though this world was quite literally built for me. even though it speaks to me through the cod#recently‚ the universe has been telling me about my future. and about storms‚ big ones that i'm in the center of.#it worries me. am i just in the eye of a hurricane? where i am i'm still dry. is that only temporary? another storm is coming#im on the end of the 6th loop of the roller coaster. there's another coming up. i worry it'll kill me. i hope i can survive and return home#maybe stanley will re-take the body. or jules. i havent seen him since i returned. even his source can't front trigger him anymore.#maybe he returned to his home. i hope he has. i hope his life on cardassia is beautiful despite all the terror#i see myself in him. i hope i can follow his example. return to my destroyed home and work to build a better future. l#hinata always talked about building the future. he knew there was a path we could carve out for ourselves. i#i want to do the same for myself. here. i want to carve a way back home.#simulated daydreams#<- i think#that tag started as a tag to scream about our ex when we were sobering up but its much more catchall nowadays
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a rly underrated thing about crazy ex girlfriend imo is that it's one of the rare shows i know of that really spends time on exploring what the process of having children is like for queer ppl/for those who go about it "non-normatively". it's not even rly a main storyline but i still find it rly well-handled and touching.
#idk i feel like in the general consciousness (deciding to) having kids as a queer person is either treated as impossible#(which is true to an extent in some jurisdictions tbf - at least if you want the legal status of parents)#or is imo way oversimplified#like yeah most ppl know ivf is A Fucking Process but many ppl still seem to underestimate iui for example#or there's an assumption that all couples with no sperm between them choose to use a sperm bank and that that process is easy#and doesn't require any reflection (which it isn't and it does)#or that if you choose to go with a known donor finding a donor is an easy process (which it also rly isn't)#or for couples where no one can get pregnant that surrogacy goes without saying (in addition to the fact that surrogacy is banned#in Many Places where other MAR techniques aren't#finding a surrogate is also orders of magnitude more difficult than finding a gamete donor)#or that adoption is an obvious solution - idk if those ppl know any gay couples who are trying to adopt but i do#they've been in the process for SIX psychologically excruciating years and it will likely be another year before they actually have a child#and that's for white college-educated materially comfortable ppl#and idk but cxg does a rly good job with the storyline - from Darryl and White Josh's disagreement about whether to have kids#to Darryl's decision to have a kid alone#to him asking Heather and Rebecca for help with that process#to the fact that Heather and Rebecca's feelings about Hebecca are v realistic and nuanced atm#not at all maternal bc that's never what they wanted or planned for (being a mother to this child) but also not indifferent#for example the 'hello nice to meet you' reprise - i legit think that's the only time i've ever seen a known donor's attitude and feelings#about the child they helped create but in no way consider 'theirs' being explored. even in thirty seconds.#or even just the fact that Darryl is a lawyer and requests help from both a gamete donor and a gestational carrier - yes!#as far as i understand in the us 'surrogacy' (one person being pregnant with their own ovule) gives the pregnant person legal parental stat#and thus requires giving up those rights and sometimes adoption after birth#while 'splitting things up' between a donor and a carrier also cuts through that 'biological' link for the purposes of legal recognition#i might be wrong in my understanding of this but if not it's cool to see it handled realistically including wrt how the legal consequences#influences decisions about which choices you make#reproduction cw#children cw#adoption cw
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#been feeling sick all day after seeing the photo of that palestinian man who'd been bulldozed. he had a ziptie on his hand...#and that's literally all that's left of him. i feel sick i feel sick how can anyone do this to another person#and how can so many bloodthirsty fucks in power try to treat us like we're evil for saying this is wrong#I'd never seen a dead body before last year. and I've now lost count of how many dead mutilated bodies I've seen and how many callous people#still are unmoved. I don't even know what to say i just hope you stay a thousand miles away from me
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I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."
I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.
Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.
#tales from diana#making unrebloggable bc i can't handle the discourse on this topic#my own experience with being abused and taken advantage of by someone who almost CERTAINLY had npd... just kinda breaks me#when i see this and it's like making it out to be 'everyone who says they suffered from narcissistic abuse is lying#or misunderstanding what narcissism is because ppl w npd would NEVER do this'#i can see that it's a highly stigmatized term and i don't want to act like an expert on what ppl w the condition go through#but i can tell you i felt deep sympathy for this man for a long time. i felt pity for all he'd gone through. but he'd just lay on the guilt#for every little thing i did that ever displeased him for any reason. he just degraded and disrespected me. and USED me#he used me for money for attention for CONSTANT attention oh my god#he wouldn't even let me go to sleep sometimes before 3 am. and he stole so much money from me#he put me in physical danger. he gossiped about me to all my friends when i was starting to distance myself#before i even came to terms with just how toxic he was to me.#and every time i just wanted to go somewhere wo him or even just stay at home by myself#it was about HIM. it was about how HE felt about it. he had ZERO sympathy for me and i handled all his emotional labor#this man couldn't even think for himself. he brought all his problems to me for me to sort through bc he was so inept and shallow#he was lazy he was careless he didn't listen to ppl he was casually rude#i didn't allow myself to accept these parts of him bc of all he suffered through i felt like he was just a sad little boy#who never learned manners or etiquette or. just. respect#basic respect. as much as i outlined what i wasn't ok w and what hurt me. it didn't matter to him#and NONE of these things are inherently the things that make me think he has npd#his actual suffering and the things i felt bad for him about were very real and severe#but i know what happened between us and i know he was abusive to me. the ppl writing these posts do not.#to say that someone has been abusive in an interpersonal relationship should be something we should be able to respect#and give ppl the benefit of the doubt. and victims may OFTEN not be well-informed about their own abusers' issues#but ppl can just know whether or not they were abused. regardless of if they fully grasp the why and how#if victims say something problematic or paint w a broad brush talking abt ppl who have something in common w their abuser#we should still correct that gently and kindly and not dismiss their experience outright#like i can't believe i have to say that. but i've seen some seriously upsetting posts on here recently.
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The amount of times this jackass negs her is off the charts. Like this isn't even the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I remember being okay with this ship when I first played T&T, but I can tell you with certainty I fucking hate it now.
#he's also way more fucking sexist than i remember. she even calls him on it MULTIPLE times#but it's not even this case#the language he uses to refer to women & how he treats them vs men is stark in 3-2 & 3-3#like in 3-2 he says ''a man's word is everything'' and then in the SAME SCENE says that Desirèe is a liar#who can't be trusted bc she's covering for her husband. so men should be taken at their word but women shouldn't? ok#there are more examples too i can't think of rn. i know he calls Maya ''chick'' at one point#god. i used to like him when i was younger. but now i'm older i definitely do not#i've seen some defenders say ''it's only the localization!'' but that's an irrelevant argument#the localization is the version we have and are discussing. we aren't talking abt the JP ver. it doesn't matter.#''well but Edgeworth calls Mia a bimbo / Apollo calls Athena tiger!''#that was shitty of Edgeworth and it was ONE time he was sexist in his era of shitty evidence forging vK behavior#and Apollo was never negging Athena + the nickname isn't the issue the patronizing is#(and tiger is WAY less patronizing than kitten be fr)#''you just hate him bc you're racist!!'' no i hate him bc he's a sexist asshole. and i hate you for implying that being a sexist asshole#is a trait inherent to hispanic people. my hispanic ass doesn't appreciate that you dickweed.#anyway. this dude sucks. tempted to replay 3-2 and 3-3 (ugh) again just to get a misogyny compilation#but idk if i'll have time before the AAI collection releases#(i want to finish this replay of T&T before then)
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what if...
what if i wanna yoink moon to a light-pollution free flower field at night. make em cover their eyes and all.
and when we're there, tell em to look up and uncover their eyes, how would he react to the vast sea of stars?
#fnaf dca#daycare attendant#fnaf moon#moondrop#one can dream#i've never seen light pollution free night sky before#so that'll make 2 of us for seeing that for the first time#oh ho#in reality tho#it depends on if he's soft & fond of me or not#if he's the gremlin type & don't like me then i'd die before i get to yoink him from that colorful hellhole oof#actually i'm still yoinking him#gremlin or not#i ain't no coward bruh moon is moon what am i afraid of huh#appearently a meteor shower is happening now so i am having very self insert thoughts#if u know what i'm saying#one can only dream#ahhh...#just rambling#red eyelights or blue eyelights? doesn't matter#the flowers will look pretty being illuminated by either imo#gOD let me hold their big o' hands god damn it-
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