#i've just never changed it back
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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The soundtrack version of Only a Matter of Time is objectively better than the demo version, but the demo version is objectively way funnier
#just really tickles me to have opening number where your main character comes out and immediately rocks out about what a shithole life is#marty mcfly#back to the future#back to the future the musical#drawings#like i've never heard an opening number where the lead belts out 'IM A LOSER' in an upbeat rock song#the changes were good but the comedy lives in my heart forever#also the demo version of put your mind to it fucking sucks. the lyrics are so embarrassingly terrible lmaoooo
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HIDDEN AGENDA PILOT (2022)
#hidden agenda#hidden agenda the series#joong archen#dunk natachai#joongdunk#jokezo#WE COULD'VE HAD IT ALLLLL#i'll never forgive tee and his team for scrapping this scene and for completely changing the jengpok story 😭😭😭#anyways can y'all believe that i've finally giffed this???#i've been wanting to gif this scene for the LONGEST time like i would say ever since i first saw this trailer lol#however i couldn't find a halfway decent upload without subs#but gmmtv privated the trailer after releasing the ACTUAL one back in june of 2023#ig i just had to put in a little more effort to find a decent-ish version of the trailer... who knew hsjkfhakjsfa#my edits
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brush test slash rendering practice with ayem
#morrowind#almalexia#the elder scrolls#tes#tes fanart#art#id in alt#ok that's all the tags this needs ANYWAY#i started this 1. for experimenting with coloring from dark to light#2. because i wanted to draw someone kind of back turned to the camera#3. rendering practice for hair particularly#4. to go from sketch to rendering rather than doing lines to see if that doesn't smooth out my workflow a bit#5. because i've never actually used this brush past flat coloring#and out of those 1. i don't think i had enough of an idea of the palette or process to jump into dark to light painting so i did scrap that#and go with my usual “flat color with one of the mid shadow tones add shadows add light”#i do think that painting from shadows out is a thing people do digitally i just think this wasn't the drawing to test it on for me#i think i'd need to look at some other peoples processes and start with a more fleshed out idea of where to go#2 and 3 i think worked out. i'm gradually figuring hair out which i think is sick#4 i also think worked out for me which is also sick because i do get caught on lines a lot. they're fun sometimes but i think some drawings#benefit better from not having them and that it might be a bit faster#and of course everything i do is so that i can draw slightly faster and better for next artfight#as for 5. i have mixed feelings on this brush but that might be because i hate change. and also because i started this drawing on the 15th#of november and finished it yesterday. so im kind of just sick of working on and looking at it#it was a valuable learning experience and i think it came out well! i am also going to drop to my knees and rejoice when i can finally#close this file out and free medibang paint from under it so i can work on Literally Anything Else#thank you almalexia for being my test subject i should've used a reference for your armor when i did the sketch but i didn't#maybe the crown looks weird because of it maybe it doesn't. not my problem anymore i can draw other elves again#my art#iiii think i forgot a my art tag last time
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Of course post-canon odysseus and penelope love each other (they are a little bit insane about the other. Neither is allowed to leave the others side for months after odysseus gets back. They cycle between sobbing on one and another and aggressively making out. ) but it's true that they have both changed. It's been twenty hard years after all. So
Odypen courting each other again just for the fun of it. Odypen deciding to act like teenagers again and make elaborate plans pretending to sneak into the others room.
Odysseus sending penelopes 90 year old dad a letter challenging him to a race for penelopes hand in marriage. (This does not go over well but penelope though it was hilarious)
Odysseus begging Athena to help him win penelopes heart/hand again. (Athena: What no why you're already married I don't understand you ) (she helps anyways)
Penelope weaving all of odysseus's clothes. Penelope hauling out every tapestry she made of telemachus's childhood (she made one for every year. To gift odysseus on his birthday when he returned.)
Odypen leaving telemachus incharge while they go off on dates (to harssass, cause problems, and badger other people into giving them things). It should be fine Athena has been sticking close to the house lately. And it's only for an afternoon anyways (at first. Headcanon that penelope came with odysseus when he had to go plant the oar and call it a windmill quest.)
#The odyssey#Post-canon my beloved#An important part of the heros journey is that even though you've changed irrevocably the home still loves you#Odysseus#Penelope#Telemachus#Athena#Odypen#Odysseus and penelope being 🥰🤝 rat bastards in love#Odypen mutually obsessed and possessive and insane about the other#Odypen age 50 deciding to act like teenagers for fun#Yes penelopes father did show up to the challenge odysseus set and then promptly beat his ass in a foot race#Yes this did cause a major diplomatic incident when he demanded penelope come back with him#(Hes never ever warmed up to odysseus and every day he mutters about his sweet penelope could have been athenas priestess instead)#(It took telemachus weeping at his grandpa about how he just got both parents for him to change his mind)#Odysseus: athenaaaa I've met the girl of my dreams and I need her to be mineeee#Athena: having flashbacks to odysseus at 17 and the complete distracted mess he was: what the fuck is happening#Athena: like obviously I'm going to help but I am also going to lay on telemachus's floor#And mutter about how this is just like last time? How could it be just like last time when they're already married#Not quite falling back in love but something close to it#Relearning perhaps#As always I'm having post odypen reunion thoughts#Odypen showing of diomedes doorstep in Italy and he just closes the door immediately he's not dealing with two odysseus not today
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Former SOLDIER, actually
The Cloud Strife version of this drawing I did like. a day ago?
#all i did was just change the hair and eyebrows and smoothen out the jaw..... i was lazy as fuck llolllll#me distantly remembering that cloud had moles and shit but forgetting where they were: cowabunga#his little freaky eyes..... they glow in the dark. i just know it#my eyes on the other hand are about to melt out of their sockets#i went back and fixed up the belt buckles and shadows bc those things were bugging me a lot in the other pic#anyway. mr unreliable narrator i love you <3#only just realising... he's kinda leaning to one side. like a slut. ough. sorry man#“i wouldn't know. i've never been a slut. sorry man”#cloud strife#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii#artoftheagni#people who follow me are gonna be like “why is he posting about this little gremlin” and im terribly sorry but you see. you see The Gremlin#The Gremlin right? yeah. The Gremlin
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#so like aliexpress used to have a terrible reputation in terms of like quality and truth in advertising and such right#but like. amazon and etsy are swamped with bootleggers and dropshippers now too#so I figured like. can't be any worse right?#besides I know how to double check descriptions and measurements and examine images critically#I've shopped shady sites before like back when banggood was the only place to get those cute diy miniature kits#(now you can get them at regular craft store chains which is Wild to me)#but I have never opened aliexpress because everyone was always just like 'Never Go There'#(but then again these days folks are doing massive temu hauls left and right)#(so clearly norms have changed even if common perception of aliexpress has not)#I open it up and I immediately find the rug I spent an entire day hunting for unsuccessfully earlier in the month.#and a ton of incredible bootleg kirbs.#and a style of hair clip I've been hunting for for *years*.#soooo I spent the entire day in a pastel fugue lol#(I have not spent any money yet but I'm probably gonna)#(so like I can't confirm that you're not gonna get scammed or whatever just like. use common sense.)#(don't trust sale prices read descriptions/reviews when available and try to avoid work stolen from independent artists)#(that's usually gonna be on printed stuff like phone cases and posters)#(and tbh I have no qualms with stolen official art as long as the quality is as advertised)#(but there's a big difference between stealing from Multinational Corporation and stealing from Some Guy)#anyway done rambling now <3#favorites
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i've seen "valgrace with werewolf!Jason", and i've seen the "Leo with mechanical prosthetic arms/legs" headcanons
but what if... what if we did both
#those are two ideas i've been obsessing about lately#and i just realised the potential of merging them together#do you see???#feral beast boy and robot cyborg boy#animal v mechanical#both technically opposites of each other#but both having very similar struggles? like#both having to deal with major changes imposed onto their bodies#and both are struggling with loosing parts of themselves -> they both feel like they are a lesser/worse version of what they were before#even though they don't see it in the other / they both think the other one is just as good aa they were before#and they eventually help each other come to terms with their new bodies#do you SEE my VISION#the mutual understanding#the support through grieving a previous version of themselves that will never come back#i wish someone would write this (because i sadly CANNOT write)#valgrace#pjo#pjo headcanon#hoo#valgrace headcanon#hoo headcanon#pjo prompt#valgrace prompt#jason grace#leo valdez
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A little costume with eyebrow whiskers again.. making their return lol..
#fantasy costume#fantasy fashion#fantasy aesthetic#No idea what to tag this generally or which tags are even used on tumblr lol... I think thats the thing I'm worst at with social media#is just knowing how to understand and use tags. I think I take them too literally or something or have trouble categorizing#Since I go to the tag and check it and it's too scattered of a group of things then I'm not sure whether something fits there#or not since it's like 'eh.. well.. there are also a lot of things in there that ARENt like what i'm posting''#I have like the opposite problem of those spam blogs that will tag their posts with 800 barely related things. like a picture of a random#girl in a dress and it's tagged 'the simpsons. macklemore. downton abbey. fortnite. girly things. gothic horror. vibes. brad pitt. golf.''#or whatever lol.. where I will feel like if less than 85% of the tag is exactly completely related to what im posting then its like 'eh...#maybe I shouldnt post there...who knows what its even for.. . what if theres some tv show named 'fantasy costume' which im unaware of#and people will assume i'm mocking the show' or some weird thing like that. Anyway lol#Another one I almost didn't post since I've just hated all my costumes recently.. I'm not sure why.. maybe my camera is getting old??#Because they look fine in person - it's more specifically that I dont like the PICTURES of them for the past 2-3 yrs or so. like i know#it's not my facial features it's more like... the lighting or something?? I just always feel so much like it looks nothing like how it#did in the mirror in real life. Like the colors will be off or it will be too bright or weirdly shadowed or something. maybe one day I#accidentally changed a setting on my camera and never changed it back. But it used to be a lot easier to find images I was okay with. -_-#I did just really want to do the eyebrow whiskers again though since I've always found them fun. And also to use the star things as part of#mouth jewelry. They're actually just star shaped paperclips that I kind of bent to be larger. Then the green shawl thing is a pillowcase#Looking back on it I would've liked to do horns or something since the top of the head is a bit bare lol#self
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Hypothetical question but are we still into windbreaker (nii satoru)? Y'all cool if I put my hyper fixation on center stage?
#wind breaker#windbreaker#wind breaker nii satoru#windbreaker nii satoru#i uh...found my new hyper fixation#once again super late to the party#you would not BELIEVE how long I've been twidling my thumbs waiting for SOMETHING to show up in my dingy space i call a brain to get excited#im gonna be real with yall after writing genshin for 4+ years#(literally started within the first month genshin dropped)#kinda fucking bored of it 👍#not to say im dropping genshin thats my baby#but i would like to uhh branch out you know#i get super brief fixations (literally had a blue lock phase and why i dropped off the face kf the earth that one time) and wrote like 15#fics on bl that never ended up getting posted cause this was a genshin/hsr blog#but i uh would like to possibly change that you know#i just wanna write more things without feeling like i need to create an entirely separate blog ;-;#but yeah uh super brief fixation windbreaker is a temporary thing (assuming there is even a reader base that's interested. if not#(if not. totally fine. back to genshin we go) but im not dropping anything. i just wanna write about more things#psa over
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can i just word vomit for a min...
there was a point in late 2023 where i felt like i overstayed my welcome on simblr and i planned on just wrapping frozen pines up as quickly as possible and moving on. continuing to write when it's clear that the audience for it is dwindling felt so embarrassing that i almost didn't even want to put effort into it anymore, because i was afraid it just looked pathetic (obligatory disclaimer: no one made me feel this way, you're all so lovely, it's just the nature of seeing a community change over 7 years). writing already feels very personal to me and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to put my work out there (again, for reasons unrelated to simblr and entirely related to mental illness 🤙🏻). i know my story is so long that it deters new readers, and so sporadic that it makes old readers drop off with time. this has really been bothering me lately because i don't know what i can do to fix it. i don't think there IS anything i can do.
but. okay. don't make fun of me for saying this. dan and phil returning to youtube kinda changed my mindset? they may be pulling a fraction of the views they got in their peak, but they're happier than they've ever been and they're working on things they actually want to do, not things they think will be particularly popular. seeing that has made me realize that it is possible to keep finding joy in a community that has largely moved on without you. obviously my little blog is nowhere near the same scale, so this feels kind of silly, but i've been thinking about all the things i used to do on simblr that were never fun for me, i mainly did them because i knew they would get notes or because i felt like i had to do it. making cc, lookbooks, sim requests, reshade help (oh my god the reshade help), lot downloads, etc. they DID get notes, but i can't imagine spending my time doing any of that stuff ever again tbh.
on top of that, it makes me sad to scroll through my dash and realize that i don't recognize most of the people i see anymore. i still talk to some wonderful people here who i consider friends and that's invaluable to me (💖), but the broader community aspect is something i no longer feel a part of. and believe me, i know i'm at fault here because it's not like i'm going out of my way to talk to new people or participate in trends like i used to. i don't blame anyone except the passage of time!!
frozen pines, and simblr by extension, played such a gigantic part in my life when i needed it the most. and that's not to say that i don't still care about it, because i absolutely do, but it's a different kind of feeling. i've always promised that i would give frozen pines a satisfying conclusion rather than silently abandoning it someday, and though i do intend to keep that promise, i know it's possible that i might never get there. but i don't want to let my own insecurities get in the way of something i really enjoy doing. writing is an intrinsic piece of me that i'll never quit doing, but sharing my writing on tumblr is something that can't (and shouldn't) last forever. i know that. but i'm going to enjoy it to the fullest while we're all still here together 💞
to anyone who's still reading my silly story after all these years (especially those of you who still check in on my blog even though you're not on simblr anymore): thank you thank you thank you THANK YOUUU. you don't have to change a single thing about what you're doing. this is not me fishing for compliments or putting down an ultimatum, this is just me trying to make sense of my feelings.
but with all this being said, i've decided to quit simblr and start my own exclusive streaming service for $60 a year, i hope you'll all support me as i increase my production value 😌
(just kidding. ily. okay that's all)
#to be 100% clear this is not a goodbye - i'm literally halfway done with the next story post#just sort of an update on the state of my brain#👍🏻#btw...... sorry to Watcher fans lmaoo you guys really got the short end of the parasocial relationship stick..... </3#that's not relevant to anything i've said here i've just spent way too much time thinking about how youtube has changed in the past 20 year#because i'm a loser that got really into youtube when i was 11 and never looked back#and then the watcher thing happened. and i was like ohhh if dan and phil did that to me i would have to die about it.
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It's pomegranate season :)
A redraw of this piece from around a year ago
#hello guys...(:#i started school back in mid September! its hell#and my chronic pain is rly bad these days i can barely do anything#and my next break will be spent at the hospital#but love and light at least we're trucjing along and getting somewhere hopefully#this drawing isn't exactly the most finished the most effortful what have you but its all i can guve you#confession time: idk if i have it in me to keep drawing the guys#dont get me wrong still adore them. but i feel a little out of it#maybe this'll change the second i post this but whatever.#i had an amazing time being active in the fandom you guys are so sweet and you got me thru rough patches <3#I'll still be around just even more inactive#anyway i hope you enjoy this!!!#i feel like I've improves substantially which is good#cwilbur#dsmp fanart#my art#thx to everyone that's loved my art yall hold a special place in my heart#alright bye bye xoxo#ps esteemed mutuals and lovely audience never hesitate talking to me i am always around and i love ppl I'm just socially anxious#fennec.art
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I couldn't have done it without you.
+ BONUS:
#SICK AND TWISTED!!#two pillars#fish inside a birdcage#tdp#dreamer's nightmare#it was just red#tdp broyals#varrow#s5#5x02#multi#parallels#some things never change#mine#personal fave#'i'll always be there for you' x 'i've always done what protects my family & i've always thought of u as my family'#horking and losing my mind back here
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When I first got into Kirby, I didn't expect to like, actually get into it. I thought it'd be like any other hyperfixation I'd had up to that point, that it would go away within a few months and I'd never think about it again.
Given I was so deeply in denial, I didn't care about being fully accurate and had some stuff that was really goofy and/or underdeveloped and unexplained. Stuff I'd made up to just work for the limited time I would be there.
Still, I came up with a few headcanons that I got attached to, and when I started realizing this was here to stay, I still chose to be stubborn and had to work backwards to keep these stupid headcanons, but adapt them into something a bit more fitting and polished.
It led to some cool stuff, like for example, my orbs aren't very magical, this was something I had settled on early on. But after I got invested, I had to think about what that actually meant and the implications of it like, how can they do this without magic? And what about that? What about this canon thing, how do I explain it?
I found decent enough explanations for all of these. But as a result of my unserious beginnings and continued stubborness, now I get really embarrassed at the time to actually talk about my headcanons and the stuff I've come up with.
Because what do you mean your Galacta Knight is half-dragon?
#what am i. 12 years old. you're making him a fucking dragon? and he barely even Actually resembles one? cringe#so so cringe. everytime i think about how im going to have to reveal that eventually i get so embarrassed#i've been by myself on my lore for almost 2 years. as in i had no friends who were into it#so i was talking to myself and people who only learned kirby stuff from me#so i never fully realized just how cringe an outsider would find it until recently#but it always made sense To Me. with what I'd come up with and how I'd made it work#i fear people wouldn't think his story and the role his dragoness plays into it is enough to warrant it.#they'll think i just did it because i wanted to. and that Is the reason too. partly.#when i started i saw that bit of text about mk's wings not being real. that they were his cape and adult orbs don't have wings#and figured gk's wings and horns mustn't be real either if that was true. but that was weird so i wanted him to actually have them.#but i'd settled on this at the time already so how would i explain him being the exception?#my solution was to just. make him a hybrid. that'd solve it. I didn't know he was a dragon at the time though. so it doesn't#show in his design a whole lot. when you look at his dragon dad he does look a lot like him. but said dragon dad also does not look like#a dragon at all. not a scaley reptile typical one. so that's Another layer to my problem#my thoughts on orb wings and horns have since changed. theoretically I could totally make gk a normal orb now. but#i also decided that the only reason he Specifically can use magic it's because of this half-dragonness 😭#another show of him being the exception. he's always stood out as odd#so there's actually no going back. i'd also have to get rid of his fuzz and who'd want that#text post
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Sona Given Form💚
#hollow knight#hollow knight oc#my art#my ocs#character design#Everyone say hi to Archivist!!#A non-local bug that's here to harvest/speculate/analyize any and all things Hallownest has to offer#Lore: Native to Pharloom; Found out about the ruins of Hallownest; Archives; Has a great time; Returns to Pharloom to do the same thing#They specialize in analyzing land fauna but they're here to do just about everything!!#Archivist has always been one of these character I've kept in the back on my mind but never drawn#BUT that's changed now; He is now real#Seeing her like this makes me wanna ramble about my HK speculative biology however I shan't...for now
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Okay but consider post Canon over protective Athena who is sick to death of her most devout being raped.
Athena sticking close to the whole family and promising penelope that she'll keep a close eye on odysseus the first time he has to go into the market and penelope can't go with him. (She was going to go anyway. She's never actually going to let any of them out of her sight ever again. And it's an easy promise to her dearest weaver who seems so distressed to have odysseus leaving her side.)
Athena fully manifesting in the market when someone grabs odysseus with godly flashes of snakes and owls and the drums of war to scream /release him/ (odysseus is feeling indulgent for both his patron and his wife it's so cute that they're this worried it's not like he couldn't defend himself just fine. Especially from whatever poor fuck just grabbed him who definitely doesn't deserve a goddess screaming in his face. Hes trying so hard not to laugh if he did athena would send him flying.)
Athena telling all the other gods that yes she knows odysseus is the favorite barbie doll she choose him well after all and to back the fuck off if any of them bother him again they will have made an enemy of her.
Athena disguising odysseus only as an old beggar from here on out instead of an irresistibly tall and handsome man. Because she saw how uncomfortable nausicaa's attention made him.
#The odyssey#Odysseus#Athena#Penelope#Nausicaa#Tw: rape#Tw:rape recovery#Tw: Calypso keeping odysseus as a sex slave for seven years#Tw: forced prostitution#See what happened with circe#I know in ancient Greek stories there's a lot of serial violence in various shapes and forms#But it seems like it happens more to athenas choosen/priestess/most devot#And it feels a little bit more targeted beyond it being a horrific violation#Like it's targeted towards Athena for her choice on being chaste#Which just adds another layer of fucked upness#And I've always felt like this contributes to Athena being cold#And at some point I imagine she'd get sick of it and course correct into overprotectivness from being cold#Headcanon that penelope goes a little bit insane when odysseus gets back (you're never allowed to leave my sight ever again )#(Don't worry it's mutual odysseus is into it he also never wants to leave his wife's side ever again)#Athena: standing protectively over odysseus in full god mood and hissing#Odysseus: not that this isn't an amazing ego boost but (and I can't believe you're making me be the voice of reason ) arent you overreactin#Odysseus: I mean you were never this protective when I was an actual literal child#Odysseus: or when I was fighting in an actual literally war fighting against gods and demi gods#Athena slightly embarrassed but is not sorry she sent whoever grabbed odysseus flying : SHUT UP#Love the fact that this whole group has the time and the support of each other to actually try to heal from their many many traumas#I know I did this in a slightly joking way but healing from abuse of power and violations are so important to me#Stories about healing in general#That's my jam#Anyway not tagging this as epic because of 1. Athena and odysseus's friendship break up#And 2. The change to circes story (which i actually like a lot! But still the odyssey Canon circe was also a sa situation.)
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