#i've been thinking about them a normal amount

[writersrkive]

Don't shut up | Spencer Reid

summary: Spencer is used to people who constantly tell him to shut up, but somehow, he feels even more embarrassed and sad when he thinks you want him to stop talking after looking at the tired and confused expression you have when he's trying to help you. The thing is you hate when people do that to Spence and would spend years just listening to his voice.

genre: fluff

pairing: Early seasons!Spencer Reid x bau!reader

warnings: mentions of the team shutting Spencer down. Derek and JJ being a little mean to him when he's spreading information. Spencer being a cutie potato. Mention of a stomachache and its causes (mention of miscarriage as one of the causes, but nothing happens). Reader not being a native english speaker, but just a slight mention.

a/n: Dr. Spencer Reid is a genius.... I am not. I literally had to search for information and copy-paste here in some parts, so if there's misinformation, it's Google's fault, lmao. I wrote this yesterday when I was about to sleep, so I'm sorry if something is wrong with the writing (even though I already edited). English isn't my first language, please be kind <3.

Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)

Spencer and you arrived early that morning. He hated being late for anything. He couldn't afford to be late if he wanted to stick as closely as possible to his assigned schedule, especially because he took public transport. On the other hand, you had no choice but to arrive early when you woke up at four in the morning thanks to a severe stomachache and couldn't go back to sleep.

That's how your conversation started. Your genius workmate was surprised to see you, first hour in the morning, when he walked in the office, even before Hotch arrived.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. You couldn't deny that the expression was too cute for your own good.

“Yeah… I think so. It's not even the stomach ache that bothers me, it's the fact that even if I was sleepy, I couldn't fall asleep again. You know? That happens to me a lot. Once I open my eyes, I can't go back to sleep. I've also been feeling mildly unwell for a week, but even though the medication is controlling it, it doesn't stop."

At this point, he already set up his desk, leaving his briefcase on his own chair to walk over to you and sit at your desk, next to the chair you were sitting in, to listen to you attentively and answer.

“The brain works with different phases of sleep: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. The cycle usually restarts every eighty to one hundred minutes, and we typically have four to six cycles each night.”

Hotch came out of the elevator and walked upstairs after both of you waved at him, and he let out a soft “good morning”. Emily arrived a few seconds later. You greeted her too, as she took place on her desk, but that didn't stop your conversation.

“So, it's completely normal that we wake up in the middle of the night because of that process, but if it is frequent, for three months or more, it may be a symptom of insomnia.”

Your view went to the floor, and your head nodded in a semi-unconscious movement, because although you knew that your sleep cycle was ruined by work, you had not come to that conclusion, maybe that was it.

“Now, the stomachache…” He said, taking one pen from your pencil case to concentrate. He usually never took other people's belongings or shared his own stuff because of the germs, but somehow, after a few years of working together, he had come to have a good amount of closeness with you to borrow some stuff from you. Months ago, it hadn't gone unnoticed by Penelope that Spencer had a box full of pens reserved for you, in case you needed one, nor the fact that he denied JJ one of them once, when the blonde girl needed something to write with quickly.

“The causes can be the most common, such as gas, indigestion, a muscle injury, or stress. Although there are also more serious causes: gastrointestinal infections, inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage..."

“Wow, what are you trying to do? Scare her?” Derek's voice invaded the place and Emily smirked.

“What? No, I'm just saying the possibilities…” Spencer whispered, looking down, a little worried that he might actually scared the person he cared more, besides his mom.

“It's okay.” You answer loud enough so your friends and coworkers would hear. “Thanks, Spence. I already went to the doctor, so I have none of… those.” I gave him a little smile. “But about stress…” The sentence hung in the air, so Spencer looked up and continued speaking automatically.

“Stress can cause stomach pain because the autonomic nervous system of the gastrointestinal tract reacts to the same hormones and neurotransmitters as the brain. This is because the digestive system is connected to the nervous system, and the enteric nervous system, which is located in the digestive system, is able to send and receive impulses and assimilate emotions.” He started to talk faster.

Your focus on the genius boy and his explanation was sincere, but maybe it was the fact that you didn't rest well, plus the fact that he was speaking too fast and not vocalizing all the syllables, that for a moment your brain didn't process what he was saying.

It was weird. At some point you didn't even hear words, just sounds from his mouth. That didn't happen to you for a really long time because you already had experience with the native speakers, even if english wasn't your mother language. The exhausting feeling of not being able to sleep well was definitely to blame.

While your brain was coming to that conclusion, Spencer could only see your furrowed brow, tense jaw, tilted head, and dissociated look.

“You want me to shut up, right?” That whisper was enough for you to come back to reality. His cheeks were red and his eyes looked a little sad, not to mention the way his mouth formed a line like whenever he felt awkward.

“Yes, please!” Derek answered instead, leaning back in his seat and looking up with his arms outstretched as if he'd had to deal with seven unsubs in the five minutes he'd been there, listening from his place to the information Spencer was giving you.

“Little genius boy got excited… again.” JJ said, looking at some documents in front of her, opening her eyes wide in an expression of tiredness and disinterest.

The young profiler stood up from your desk thinking about returning to his chair, a little embarrassed, but you took his pinky with yours —that way you wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable in case he wasn't in the mood for physical touch, something he refused unless it was you. Again, another special treat—. “Wait. It wasn't like that.” Hazel eyes looked at you intently, still with a bit of doubt. “I'm sorry Spencer. Yes, you got excited, but that's not something bad.”

“It isn't?” He questioned.

“No, but you started to speak fast, and the fact that there are some words that I have a hard time processing in English and I couldn't quite catch what you were saying because I didn't sleep enough, well, that distracted me. Would you mind repeating it again, slower?” This time, you were the one with warm cheeks.

“Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to shut up?” The boy was actually intrigued and a little surprised.

“Why would I want that?” The fact that your teammates often shut Spencer up when he tried to share extra information, or information that he had been asked about, was something you had noticed from the moment you started working with the team. You thought that was rude. You understood that sometimes Spencer got excited, gave information that was perhaps better saved for another time since you were investigating a case, or people could be tired and want silence, but the team either silenced him or made fun of him most of the time. Plus, there weren't many other things you liked more than hearing his voice.

The sweet, soothing tone of his words helped you sleep on the jet after a long case, or made you want to hear more about whatever he was talking about. Feeling like he was sharing with you, a mere mortal, some of the vast knowledge he had was nice.

“I'm always happy to hear whatever you need to say, even if it's about something I don't understand. And, right now, you are helping me a lot, so, please, don't shut up.” The crimson color returned to the tall boy's face, this time not because he was uncomfortable. Your kind and somewhat complicit smile made his heart race, like almost every time he was with you. Spencer knew that no matter how tired he got, he would never shut up if you wanted him to keep talking.

[weareweirdpeople]

I want to apologize for how this post is written. I'm not discounting everything I said, but I acknowledge that I wrote this when very emotional, and that I definitely have built up anger at teachers for a variety of other issues. We do need better systems, and I absolutely belive it is not teachers at the core of it's problems. I was just angry at the time over the fact that despite the 8 (at least) different schools I've been too, I've had awful experiences due to teachers at pretty much every single one of them. A large amount of the issues were directly connected on going abuse and/or neglect happening in the background. Again, maybe its just me, but I hope you understand that after 8 schools, and sometimes behaviors and/or symptoms that were so blatantly obviously something happening at home being completely ignored or outright blamed on me when I was a small child, I have some resentment against teachers, if we don't also add other factors of resentment like ignoring my IEP when I had one, or scapegoating me at 6 years old for all behaviors I had that were directly connected to ptsd, something that teachers were told about through therapists, because I hadn't suddenly been an ok normal child after surving being domestically held hostage for around a year, only to find myself in another volatile abusive situation that was leading towards homicide, just like the one before, only a year later. To put it flatly, I have bias. I will say the fact that teachers can't actually, or at least every teacher, or even mandatory reporter I've met seems to be unable to actually acknowledge any of these things going on in the background to the child is a serious problem in my opinion. If there would've been any as mentioned kindness, or sympathy, or anything that wasn't followed by police showing up or walking away to call the police, like for example, not immediately being mocked and questioned for not knowing the current problems in math class because I had been hospitalized for 2 weeks straight after being unable to handle everything going on at home and telling a councilor, I would probably have less resentment.

I think that the whole system is fucked, and I was angry at the people who were consistently fucking me over regardless of if they wanted to. I was upset when I wrote this, but I hope you can understand why someone would be upset at people who absolutely had direct control over how a crucial part of their life was wherever or not they thought of it that way.

Maybe its just me but I think its really fucked up that the only way teachers can "help" a child is with cps and the fucking police. I think its really fucked up that they're constantly talking about "tell a trusted adult" when sometimes you just don't fucking have one. Because all of them were bad options. I think its fucked up that my, and many many many children's only fucking options have been tell someone and put everything in danger or do nothing and continue on in silence. I think its fucked up that even without saying it I had to start understanding that no matter how kinda a teacher, or counselor, or school staff member was to me at times, that they would never put me over them being held liable or their job. I would never be that important. They get to pat themselves on the back while I get put in handcuffs and put treated like an example of what not to do as if im not even there. I think its really fucked up that at a certain point it will never matter how nice a teacher is, no matter how many "I know it sucks...." or "I'm sorry but it's my job..."s or "I don't want to have to do this..."s you get, because its always the same fucking thing. Your a liability, and no adult is going to risk their job with a child that they could easily just hand to someone else more 'qualified' to handle.

[velvetvexations]

Since we're talking about forcefem, here're most of the forcefem-related asks I've had in my inbox, some of which are a few days old on account of technically going in the vexatious tag if not exactly kink asks. I wanted to answer one from today on it's own which I'll get to later but I wanted to get to the older ones and also get to a few of the others from today while I was at it.

i just saw a post where a trans guy was showing some messages where someone was (unconsensually) basically roleplaying forcefemming him. despite him telling them that he did not want that and that it was very much transphobic, and he atill got a message boiling down to "you're not a man, silly, you're a girl :D" and. to be honest. this was the thing that stopped the brainworms of "what if the whole concept of transandrophobia is actually transmisogynistic and i am entirely wrong" bc at least some of these people will just say the most bog standard transphobic shit to trans guys and not register it as transphobia. so why the fuck would they be right about anything transmascs experience also on that note thank you for being so outspoken in favour of transmascs getting to discuss their oppression. it's really helpful to see trans women stand with us here, especially when it comes to aforementioned brainworms

congratulations to that transphobe for creating a new transandrobro

the 'forcemasc isnt revolutionary' shit is the most annoying iteration of stupid tumblr discourse. like im going through the tag trying to read some horny shit and oh look. theres someone being stupid and hypocritical. in my horny tag.

people are getting tribalist about kinks and it's depressing

Every time people are saying that trans men & mascs cannot possibly fathom being objectified & fetishized, I think on all of the posts I’ve seen that did that exact same thing. And yeah, some of it might have been kink, so no hate no judgement I dabble in that tag too, but I’ve also seen “get in the dress” type posts that seem to be genuinely calling for trans men to be more feminine, untagged & in the wild, enough where I’m like — am I just imagining this? Like am I crazy? Am I missing something, or was that extremely detailed post about why I MUST stay feminine — or become more — for someone else’s benefit being 100% serious? And, again — if it’s kink, all the power to them, I love that for them, I even occasionally love that for me. But I have encountered enough people who were dead serious that I sometimes want no one but trusted friends & advisors to ever witness me again. And then I look at statistics & feel genuinely ill. And yeah, I’m gnc — and there’s the rub, because while I feel genuine joy being fem as well as masc, I want it to be a Choice, not something forced upon me.

people need to be fucking normal

Yh like ik a lot of shitposts don't have any tags but people have. Really gotta tag forcefem. I've blocked a large amount of people making these jokes + filtered their names n I still see it

I'm sorry, anon. <3

Fuck thank you so much for talking so openly about forcemasc. I’m so dumb I thought there wasn’t a name for that kink that I’ve been into for years, albeit my version is way more weirder. It would be like a… forcemascfem??? Like first it’s forcemasc and then it turns into forcefem and then right back to forcemasc…. And then back to- Idk my gender is weird and my kinky fantasy for that is weird

Cross as many boundries as you want, that sounds rad. Forcefem has a lot of infrastructure to jump off of.

“I’m doing a kink in a non kink way so it’s not kink blog!” Sorry this pisses me off It’s still a kink. Like. If someone made an I-suggest-BDSM blog and tried to claim it wasn’t a kink blog I’m sure more people would see how silly this is but because it’s the transfem approved virtuous forcefem they just let it slide??? Like. You are engaging in a kink and thats fine. You can say there won’t be anything explicitly sexual! But it will still be a kink blog because it’s a blog about a kink! A kink blog if you will! It doesn’t matter if you’re not getting off to it, it’s still a kink! That you are participating in! On your blog about that kink!

It SHOULD piss you off! It's extremely fucking scummy!

what the hell? for like one solid minute(longer than that but i like saying it this way) all the forcefem on my dash was tagged and i could blissfully not have to see it every other post and then just today i had to unfollow a buncha people for an assload of untagged forcefem :/ like im transmasc i think its understandable that i do not wish to see that anyway hope your day is goin well miss velvet

yeah it's praxis to not tag kink anymore

trfs are perfectly aware what the "force" bit means when forcemasc comes up in conversation

strange how that works

[starry-bite]

ways to say i love you without saying i love you:

"look at me."

“i think it’s a good idea, though. you. kids.”

“for you” “oh, thank you. you read my mind.”

"i keep telling her [she looks great]"

“are you okay?”

“how are you?”

“here, sit.”

"hey, have a good weekend."

“you’re too good.”

"it's really good to see you."

“you’re hit!” “i’m good, go."

"[did you get] any sleep?”

“i’m not gonna leave you"

"thank you."

"i knew they'd call you."

"i got you."

“we missed you!”

"i remember why i missed you so much."

“you never told us that.” “well, i’m telling you now.”

"don't give me that look, i'm fine." "i know. but you're holding something back."

"i already think you're crazy."

"it’s pretty hard to resist getting the band back together”

“are you kidding me? this will be great.”

"what do you think?”

"i’ll support you, no matter what you decide”

“i’m gonna stay.”

"what's wrong?"

"can i talk to you for a second?”

“if you ever want someone to talk to, know that i am always here for you.”

“should i be worried?” “not as long as i’m in charge.”

“glad to hear your voice." "it's great to be heard."

“i’ve missed this. us.”

"i’m so sorry.”

"you want to talk about it?”

“you okay with this?”

"you okay?”

“it was a terrible time for us, you were leaving.”

"not you too.”

“there’s a whole lot of people out there who love you."

"i’m good to go, really.” “promise me, no jumping out of helicopters.”

“they would be lucky to have you."

"that means a lot, that you said that.”

"i wanted you to be the first to know"

“it’s emily.” “go.”

“jj, come in. come in. please.”

“we can’t afford any mistakes, so, jj, you’ll take the lead."

"i thought she was gonna be here.”

“none of what happened was her fault, but–” “i wish we could convince her of that.”

"we’ll get him on the record, emily.”

“emily practicing discretion isn’t a lie. it isn’t a conspiracy theory. it’s good leadership.”

“you got a sec?” “yeah, sure.”

“i think they’re gonna be okay. how about you?”

“hey, what did you want to talk about?”

“what are you even doing here?” “just making sure you’re okay.”

"i knew you could handle it. that doesn’t mean you had to."

“it’s not about protecting us, it’s about being honest with us. with me.” “i am."

“i didn’t quit on you. / you didn't quit on me."

"it gives me you."

"i’ll support you. always.”

[joejhang]

it's the way andreil could never have been casual or just a fling the way neil makes it out to be. it was never just physical. it was never just hate sex. because, they were literally in love with each other before they got together and them starting a relationship (or "nothing") doesn't actually change anything except sealing the deal and making it physical too. they actually know and understand each other maybe better than anyone else, and it might have just started out as physical attraction for andrew but you know that changed after he realised neil was more, neil was interesting, he trusted andrew despite everyone telling him not to. he took andrew at face value and was the first person to simply ask him. he respected andrew's boundaries and didn't consider andrew a monster or a psychopath for reinforcing them and protecting his loved ones. he kept his promises and fought in the face of all the odds stacked against him, all the monsters and abusers he's had to face on his tail and he refused to give up even though it might have been smarter to, safer to. and for neil, andrew is the first person to really understand him. even when neil gives his half-truth to andrew after that first trip to columbia, andrew doesn't flinch in the face of it. he doesn't look away, instead he looks at neil with "perfect understanding". andrew has felt the same desperation neil is feeling right then. he's been there, hanging on by a thread and sure he's going to die before he turns twenty, and he isn't scared of neil's past or the people after him. he tells neil to stay, and maybe that's the first time neil's ever heard anyone say that to him. andrew's the first person ever to really give neil a home, and if you think about it, he's also neil's first real friend (much as they'll both deny that they're friends). and also just andrew as a person: he is labelled as monstrous and out of control but neil knows what real monsters are, and andrew isn't one. andrew asks "yes or no?" and keeps all his promises, holds up all his deals, protects those he holds dear to him. he pretends not to care, but neil knows, he cares so much. how could anyone ever think they were casual.

[strobbylemonade]

101 - a dummy's guide to loving and becoming human again

[sysig]

Just a few favourites, only a couple, I swear (Patreon)

[faksyan]

In hindsight it's. not that surprising that my anxiety is really bad since I had the night hallucinations that make me see Creatures in my room since I was like four. For the longest time I was like ah yes part of it are the nightmares I had as a child and only now I'm realizing that oh yeah. probably the Creatures as well. that was a thing.

[clownowo]

Now you need to please draw a Feenris sex scene years later where Phoenix can call Iris by her real name... :D

i will not be doing that (the feenris comic came to be because i like iris, not so much feenris LOL) but i do take commissions!

[phoenixcatch7]

If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.

Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.

An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).

He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.

Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.

It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.

Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.

She sends him out of the league. To his father.

To Gotham.

[happygirl2oo2]

[aecholapis]

Tell me about Cityspeaker!Tarn 👀

Did you keep any of his outlier powers from IDW, and if so—how do those work with his cityspeaking abilities?

What’s his dynamic with Titan!Tarn like?

Does his story end in tragedy, or does he get a happy ending?

*rubs hands together*

I'll refer to the cityspeaker as Damus for the sake of convenience. Damus is the designation he uses in private or simply when he is not on duty and Tarn is the one he is given when he speaks for his titan.

First things first, yes, Damus does get to keep his abilities :D

What would he be without his destructive touch and his voice?

They're just something he has always been able to utilize. Outliers don't exist like they do in IDW, I just don't think they fit in here as a concept. If someone has special abilities, they have either been built this way, like Damus, or they use modifications, like Flame. Think of it as augmentations.

I'm still trying to figure out how his abilities work. I think his voice would work well with producing overlapping frequencies, e.g. the resonant frequency of an object. That's the frequency when said object vibrates the most and when it intensifies (resonance catastrophe), it can cause the object to break. Or, by carefully avoiding it, Damus may be able to manipulate the object a bit? The last part is not scientifically possible.

What is possible, however, is for him to use electromagnetism to alter impulses in the nervous system of characters around him. Please don't get me wrong, they don't have EM-fields like pictured in fanon, but Damus can use targeted EM waves to alter the emotional state of others... as well as EMPs, short-burst high-energy pulses, for rendering machinery useless. It works on living and non-living objects alike.

You can imagine that for a character - that can't touch machinery lest it is damaged - working closely with one giant living machination may not be the most ideal job. He's had his fair share of misshaps, but Tarn (the titan) is patient with him. Most stationary titans are relatively forgiving towards smaller mecha and, since they depend on others for maintenance, they don't think it would be a good idea to anger them.

Stationary titans seem to have a simpler mind than the average Cybertronian, but only because they run countless processes at once and all that superior computing power goes to making sure that everything runs smoothly. Tarn just doesn't really dwell on negative emotions for long.

So when Damus breaks something on the inside, they call for a mechanic to fix it. He masters his tactile powers much quicker than his voice and Tarn is happy about it. Better handling skills mean less damage to his interior, haha.

Tarn is glad to have Damus as his cityspeaker. The mech is a diligent worker with a knack for bureaucracy and he always tries his best. Damus is loyal to a fault. His most useful asset is also his greatest weakness and Tarn resents its inability to voice his concerns.

Damus is far too trusting for his own good, he will see a light in the dark and follow it. Will feel warmth in coldness and be drawn to it. He's still young, he has time to learn, Tarn prays. Someone so easily manipulable wouldn't last a day in this cruel world.

It notices that its speaker's mentor has ulterior motives. Iaconus is not an easy mech to be around, but he puts on a front whenever he visits Damus to teach him about cityspeaking. Iacon, his own titan, remains silent at all times out of sheer intimidation by the mech.

Their city receives the funding it needs (and a surplus that Iaconus takes for himself) only thanks to its political and cultural importance. Iacon isn't left with much of a choice but to let its cityspeaker do what he wants. They're cohabitants of the same headspace, they can read each other like no one else can and yet, sometimes it feels as if they don't speak the same language.

Their relationship is not a healthy one, whereas Tarn's and Damus' is.

Tarn is the second city to fall in the war. It is unheard of for a cityspeaker to outlive their titan, but not impossible. Praxus (Cordon) gets off with severe memory problems caused by the severed connection to his dead titan. Their survival comes at a cost. I think I repeat this sentence a lot.

Damus looks at the remains of Iaconus' treachery and he swears revenge. It will not be a nice journey. He will face injustice, death, despair, he will cause the same on traitors. Leading the Decepticon Justice Division is as much a distraction as it is his poison.

An important breaking point is when Arcana develops the titanmaster technology (not to be confused with Titan Masters). The DJD connects to the lifeless titans and each member pilots their own. It takes vast amounts of energy to keep them running while they're adapting to a body much larger than theirs.

One could almost compare them to parasites which only infest a host after it died. But then they wouldn't be parasites. Hm. Anyway.

I think it's a cool concept. I like it lots :-)

WIP of an idea for a drawing

[edelgards]

people are so afraid of bisexual edelg*rd

[deathchipz]

im so fucking happy i have someone else to infodump about the chipjinkas........ you will hear my chaos whether you like it or not

[blujayonthewing]

friend: our garden ended up putting out way too many cucumbers, my dad is begging you guys to eat some

me: oh cool I love cucumbers [eats some cucumbers]

friend: wooAOAOOAH check out fuckin... CUCUMBER JONES over here LMAO I guess we found jay's drunk food lollll look out for cuKES MCGOO who is W I LD for cucumbers APPARNETLY

[probablybadrpgideas]

Number of Goblins, ranked

One Goblin - That's just a goblin. He's probably just getting his groceries or something. Leave him alone, you asshole.

Ten Goblins -- That's a fairly normal amount of goblins. There's generally around ten goblins in any given situations. They're just here for aesthetic, so you know it's a fantasy world. Remember to tip them when you leave.

One Hundred Goblins -- Ok this is too many goblins, but this is a reasonable amount of too many goblins. Like, this is maybe an army of goblins or something? My point is that they're probably here for a good reason. Best not to mess with them, they're likely load-bearing in some way.

One Thousand Goblins -- This is probably a goblin town, in which case this is really more a case of One Human, which is a completely different list only available on goblintube. If not, all these goblins are lost. Return them to the goblin town. The orcs are worried.

One Million Goblins -- A million goblins? I'm not sure I've even seen a million things in my life , and now there's a million goblins? That's, like, all the goblins. Why are you at a convention of all the goblins? Are you a goblin? Actually, no, that would make sense. Yeah, that's probably what's going on here. Sorry you had to find out this way.

One Billion Goblins -- Ok, look, at this point you have clearly been sent to a future time where humanity is extinct and goblins have inherited the earth. I can think of no other explanation for a billion goblins. This sadly means that you're the weirdo, and you have to go be a cryptid now. At least you can find a phone and read the goblin creepypastas about you.

One Trillion Goblins -- How? What is happening? This is more goblins then there are birds, and they'll all in your house? How is your house this big? Wait, forget the goblins, how is your house this big? Are the goblins here to guillotine you? Probably! Move out of your stupid mansion and let the goblins have it, you weird rich bird-hoarding freak.

One Quadrillion Goblins -- One quadrillion? I'm only like 80% sure that's even a real number! Luckily, you won't have to deal with a quadrillion goblins for long, because soon they'll collapse together under their gravity, forming a far more manageable single planet-sized goblin. Picard's not gonna be happy about this one!

More Goblins -- Fuck off, you do not have more then a quadrillion goblins. Why are you lying? Are you worried I won't like you if you don't claim to have an implausible number of goblins? Don't worry. Your worth is not dependent on your goblin numbers. Go back to the actual number of goblins secure in the fact I love you, no matter how few goblins you have <3