#i've been at my fucking limit for MONTHS
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Dragging myself to go meet friends when I feel too sluggish to put in words. Maybe it will help?
Been spending the last couple days trying to determine whether I'm well enough to return to work/school but I still shut down completely when I have Anything on my schedule and feel close to tears every time I even think about how everything is going.
At least I have my ADHD diagnosis now and will be getting meds for it some time soon. I'm at my limit!
#personal#if those meds don't help i'll have to take more drastic steps like another inpatient stay#man i wish i could just have a normal brain#i've been at my fucking limit for MONTHS#everything takes so long
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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#meme#homemade memes#cw dysphoria#trans#bones are stupid#cw dysphoria venting#waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen#(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception#that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them#and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering#but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it#seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries#+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently#I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair#and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries#you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes#you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck#(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)
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the downfall and execution of a tudor queen (2023) / the boleyns: a scandalous family (2021) / the king's pearl: henry viii and his daughter mary (2017), melita thomas / anne boleyn (tv miniseries 2021) / the mirror and the light (2024) / elizabeth (1998)
#web weaving#sort of?#i never feel like my edits really fit#they're more like collages#anyway...me on my island with the one other tudor fan that liked AB 2021 lol#'our expectations were low but holy fuck' sounds like a lot of consternation about a pretty...solid script?#what i loved most about it was moments like the above#the ability to summarize really complex dynamics borne of circumstance#in such a way that you can believe in the world and it serves as its own 'previously on' that a miniseries inherently lacks#esp when it only covers five crucial months#tl; dr there's a lot of smugness evident in many books of this genre#when it comes to anne's attitude towards her stepdaughter#bcus she was quote proven wrong unquote; becaues mary got quote the last laugh unquote...#when really. as per the quotes i've been posting#it doesn't seem like mary's reconciliation with her father was the idyll many have made it#thus we have anne's letter#and offer. knowing that others are offering her better futures#but saying this is the best future you could have. limited time only.#and it seems the future proved her right; not wrong (at least the immediate future)#bcs while matters; had she accepted; might not've been substantially better than they were under the auspices of a 'more gentle' stepmother#it also doesn't really seem like they would have been substantially worse#anne was right that her enemy's supporters wanted her disgraced and/or dead. she was right in that they wanted elizabeth disgraced#and/or dead. she couldn't have predicted what happened to herself in the exact matter it did- mainly bcus it was unprecedented#but it seems she had a pretty clear view of what mary was doing: playing both sides. attempting to ingratiate herself to her father while#also conspiring against him. and she knew it would have been better to have her on side#(and in a more jaundiced view: have her where she could watch what she was doing; who she was seeing)#but perhaps underestimated how impossible it would be to get her there in the first place#('on side' ; that is. not at court. although probably not that either. with the conditions she demanded)#but her fears of mary were not paranoia. they seem to have been grounded in realism#and a clear view of the situation at home and abroad
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It’s Bisexuality Visibility Month (also Suicide Awareness Month), and the biphobia has been constant and intense, even in our own bi spaces, mostly from fellow LGBTQIA+ people.
Bi women have been told they are tainted for being with men, that we are dirty and dick obsessed. We’ve been told we are perverted fetishists by both cis and trans lesbians, with even gay men joining in on the insults, with one even threatening violence towards bi women if they come near lesbians. We even got told we deserve to be abused, raped, and murdered by our male partners because that’s what we deserve for dating men.
Bi men are being accused again for being HIV carriers, with gay men saying they are only good for sex because they will end up leaving them for women. One trans man said he would kill himself if a man started dating a woman after him, not leave him for one but just start dating again and that person being a woman.
I haven’t seen insults directly about non-binary bisexuals, but I’m sure there would be and a lot of hate lumps us all together. All this hates stings me but I can’t imagine the pain of all this for non-binary, trans women, and trans men dealing with it all, and it makes me so disappointed and angry that fellow trans people in this community are hurting them.
Pride Month a lesbian wrote “I wish god would eradicate all the bisexuals” while another wrote “For Pride Month let all the bi people disappear” with both having thousands of likes and comments agreeing. Now during Bi Visibility Month, a non-binary lesbian with feminist in their profile posted “Happy bi visibility month, I hope they find a cure soon 💖”. While continuing to mock us after.
Our allies and so-called LGBTQIA+ advocates have been silent and have even participated in bierasure, laughing at us when we point it out, saying “It’s not that serious.” “Lol the bis are getting upset over nothing again”. Only the bisexual advocates and pages have spoken out against the hate.
The B in LGBTQIA+ is suppose to be for bisexual but this community says and treats us as awfully as the bigots do to all of us. Bisexual is the sexuality that is attracted to two or more genders, that we have the ability to love anyone regardless of their gender. But we’re treated as greedy, perverted, hyper sexual, unfaithful, which from bigots you understand and usually brush off, but from those within the community who go through similar prejudice and should understand, sharing the same ignorant mindset.
These spaces are suppose to be our safe havens as well, but are just as dangerous. We try making our own spaces and even that is invaded by these people, we are beyond exhausted. We need the other members of the community that aren’t biphobic to speak out more and shut these people and this hate down. Because the lack of empathy from this community is frightening and all this in-fighting will allow the bigots to pick us a part more easily.
#i’ve been struggling mentally since pride month because of all the hate#i had to unfollow a lot of lgbtqia creators due to them ignoring or participating in it#i even had to unfollow most lgbtqia pages because of the comments#i’ve been sticking to bi pages and tags but it’s full of biphobia#i’m a sa survivor being told by the community that is suppose to be the most understanding and supporting that i deserved what happened#why do i deserve to be abused and die because i have an attraction that isnt limited by gender#the trauma from that relationship has left me disabled#i thought i found a community that was safe for someone like me#but the biggest deception is that us bi people are a part of lgbtqia#them and the bigots could settle their differences with their combined hatred for bi people#but i’m the one that is the danger and doesn’t belong#i spent my youth hiding my attraction to women during the 90s and early 2000s due how that time was#and now this community is making me feel ashamed again#my mental health was doing okay until i opened myself up to this community#i regret coming out#i wish i went ahead with killing myself in 2012 like i planned#bi visibility month#bisexual visibility month#bisexual#lgbtqia#tw: biphobia#our rights are being striped away again but sure bisexuals are the problem#i have too much unfinished business to end my life#i was harassed through out school being accused of being a lesbian and was assaulted by one of those girls#pulled down to the ground by my hair and kicked non stop in the ribs until someone pulled her off#even my gender came into question when that show there's something about miriam came out#telling me i don't belong in queer spaces when i've been assumed queer almost my whole fucking life and before most of you were born
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i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i WILL get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i Will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i Will get a job i don't wanna die in i w i l l get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i w i l l get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wanna die in i WILL get a job i don't wanna die in i will get a job i don't wan-
#🕯️man - i - fest - ing🕯️#pLEASE.. .. . ... .#i've been job hunting since JUNE... . .#at this point i'm almost better off just working as an independent artist than trying to look for other relevant work#'cause there is NONE#in the ENTIRE fucking COUNTRY#like i haven't added ANY limits for location or salary or even which creative field or Anything like that#there's just literally ZILCH NADA NULL#since june i've only found like 2 (TWO) semi relevant ads one for like a 30% 4 month gig at an art gallery 12 hours away#which like i'm NOT opprooting my Entire Life for That even I'M not that desperate#the other was just like... . a t-shirt printing job at a tourist tour place.. . 27 hours away.. ..#which i honestly considered even tho i have no experience with digital print - only silk screen printing#at this point i almost WISH i had tried for that printing job 'cause Holy Shit#let me just say this has NOT been great for my mental health haha#does fish make noise??
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#im so worried about this cat#every time I've been in the bathroom with him he'd use the litter box#and have diarrhea#and im afraid to know how much of it is actually blood#I'm so afraid of how this vet visit is going to go#how much its going to cost me#im not made out of money#i know it might seem like that#but im not#i try to be good about to when I buy something#i don't know what's going to happen#my credit limit is decent but not unlimited#and I'm afraid of what they'll say#that it's too late for him#that everything drug on too long for treatment to happen#im so furious about it#every 2 doors i try to open just gets slammed in my face#fuck the fucking er vet clinic that didn't do shit on Sunday#fuck the fucking county shelter with their stupid broken website#honestly fuck this vet clinic a little for refusing an exam nearly a month ago#and a big triple fuck you to the former owner for causing this mess#and honestly some more fuck yous to the county one they really really peeved me off#im just crying tears of frustration and sadness right now#this cat doesn't fucking deserve this shit#he's the best thing to happen to me all year#i don't want to lose him too
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reread the rest thus far of lackadaisy and there's the both v easy & difficult task of gathering a shit ton but only a shit ton of excerpts (like every single page is a highlight i'm not exaggerating)
and every single element is superlative and the way it all only becomes More So....already mentioned the way the like smooth gradient shading made the successful evocation of 3D Shapes more noticeable, along w/the consistent geometries of character design & details in fabric folds; the way Lighting & Coloring only goes on to become more prominent elements only enhances that further. the compositions, backgrounds, pacing, angles....everything is so dynamic & expressive, such as including the expressions which you know i also Love / absorbed
going "hell yes for people to discover this superlative comic" then having to occasionally refresh past site traffic overloaded server errors like "nooo" but actually yes
whilest clapping & cheering for the fun of everyone who's been here a minute. My God the invigorating reward when again i started reading in '07 & the concept of rocky & freckle on a "proper" run had only manifested via fun official bonus art, then a literal decade later as it was actually happening in the comic like screeeeaammm i can feel it coming in the air tonight oh lord etc....i've loved following it, again, if i see another new comic page. i am going to be Enriched
i also really was right on the ball myself this time around like okay okay yep i have picked up on Everything, at least to the degree i can lmao. i love the mysteries. i love how Character Focused it is too ofc and there's no characters i'm uniterested in / dislike. you gotta point to one of them, truly, and i have been a [pointing at freckle] enjoyer these fifteen years but fr i am a connoisseur of everyone, i love that so many characters are a weird mysterious chaos element story driver in their own right. i considered mordecai more intently than ever, love his like ultra mystery (and that we leave off on him doing some detectiving even) and truly fun that like, the source of the more Immediate problems he keeps having in every damn interaction isn't the like [wow mordecai with the just diving into the hatchet murdering] factor so much as it's that he's generally like "i am just standing here" and is not nt in any way that matters and people insist on fucking with him on that front. the peak tragedy of him in a bonus comic getting bullied into having to dance with someone to Be Polite like i'm so sorry i wish you could be that ficus too. anyways intrigued with the marigold &/or mordecai mysteries including that it's like, how coincidental is it that he talks about marigold having a thorn in its side & the savoys' nickname for him is peekon = thorn. there is so much to consider, love that for us truly. and i'm rooting for mordecai & nicodeme's dynamic out here, is another conclusion....very enriched by comparing & contrasting that serafine nicodeme mordecai triumvirate with the rocky ivy freckle one, to be sure. im enriched
i'm also enriched by every footnote that's got like historical facts / research notes / [this is inaccurate for xyz prioritization but here's the disclaimer] explanations. i Love information. and everything else like i loooove this comic it's Soooo Fucking putting my hands to my temples and inhaling at length through my teeth
#first time i've really taken tumblr up on that new thirty image limit expansion; bit of a surprise maybe lol#put your back into autism acceptance month &/or press j; scroll fast; read through it actually; filter the following:#long post //#learning abt the overwhelming popularity of baby ruth candy bars from lackadaisy footnotes? relevant to gtm:pota aficionadoship at one pt#remember discussing what i learned from another footnote abt some christian denominations / other religions being very Anti Prohibition#every time i use the word cagey i think of lackadaisy. cagey thing... we've all been there#fantastic time revisiting and i love to be considering all these characters all the further / with reckless juxtaposition#especially the two triumvirates as mentioned. rooting for them all#rooting for mordecai to be relieved of that v realistic [ppl sensing a Mess With His he is not nt in any way that mattersness Free For All]#either let him be or start shooting at him lmfao. but i Love that the gang had that pleasant nonbrunch together & no shots exchanged yet#more brunches! and i think nicodeme could be mordecai's bestie or w/e he wants. turn out to be Supportive in any way that matters#they are more so the ivy and freckle of their group after all lol. slightly would-be Unlikely coupling there as well anyways; and yet!#i am as enriched and intrigued and appreciative and etc as ever#and reminded that in my rereading i haven't yet gone over all the bonus material lol....#also stumbled across that sungwon cho had fandubs of lackadaisy comics posted like 9 yrs back??#which means i probably saw one or two; think i remember one being shared and checking that out#like hey didn't know i'd encountered you before like; vines & oh the lamps are fucking & etc. and now there he goes voicing mordecai yaay#lackadaisy
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Me: I would like to be rereferred to this service if you still have a psychologist. If there is no psychologist please don't refer me, I don't want to have to go through the assessment process again otherwise.
Them: okay :) the wait will be eighteen weeks for an assessment appointment :)
Me: okay, that's a little frustrating so in the meantime I will reach out to another service as the wait is so long and then maybe the assessment will be helpful
Them, after several weeks: oh we see you have reached out to another service so do not need our help. Also we lied there is no psychologist and we are not a mental health service. Bye.
#why didn't you just. tell me there was no psychologist. a question that i asked very clearly in my first email.#i am going to SCREAM.#so if i want another assessment i will have to go back on the waiting list again despite waiting for almost three months already.#that's if they would even bother to refer me again#i understand rescources are limited but idk I've had so many fucking phone calls about nothing how hard would it be to ring me.#no. just an email to my gp that i was fortunate enough to be cced on.#and now i have to face the process of having to try and get some kind of help through my gp again#I'm just trying to process my frustrations. today has been a difficult day.
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Just wrote 3k words for a new fic idea with the motto "fill the sandbox, fill the sandbox, fill the sandbox" stuck in my head.
#i was aiming for 2k and it's only the first part of one chapter#it is one of two ideas this one being a sleep token one that was influenced by binge reading some scp articles#the other idea is from a long line of failed stories I've been trying to write#aaaaaahhh im so excited#but i also just quit my job months ago bc of the whole it fucked my health up and i need to like be way more productive on that front#but im also in like daily pain so it's limiting options#but back on writing im excited and will def be spending tomorrow doing this instead of trials even though i wanna play with my support build#anyway! it's 134 and im eepy#love you!#good night!
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u ever realize you had been reading something completely wrong and have been unjustly mad at something bc of that misread........
#sorry @ randy ribay klfjdghlkjdf#in my very limited defense: apropos of nothing -- i hadn't heard the actual way to pronounce it in literally so long i forgot it was Real#like genuinely it was just that annoying slang i used to hear on tiktok not something i have heard before LMFAO#i heard someone say it out loud earlier and it was like...all the stars aligned#and i was like ''oh...i think i've been annoyed about that for like a month now bc i can't fucking read'' OOP#never beating the clowncore allegations#talking tag
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oh so now the birds are eating the <25 cherries i've got growing on my tiny tree
literally everything i've planted in this fucking garden has either died on its own or has been killed by birds/bugs
#my garden is a microcosm of my whole life right now#my life has been on a downward spiral since last july and bestie i am starting to reach my fucking limit#defaulting to thinking ''i wish i were dead'' at every little inconvenience is BAD!!!! i know!!!! but it's true!!!#the mint from trader joe's was infested with aphids and i've been cleaning it off every day for 2 weeks and it's STILL got them#like... this plant is 1 foot tall with two little stalks and less than 30 leaves. it hasn't grown in the 2 months i've had it#the money plant still reeks of mold and has to live outside because of its smell and the fungus gnats#the golden sage just fuckin.... burned to death????? it turned gray and DIED#the one and only bean plant that sprouted just ejected the only 2 true leaves it bothered growing#the originally robust blackberry cane is withering. the other two did get better but started from the ground up. there's 1 blackberry total#the rosemary hasn't gotten any bigger in the 3 months i've had it#the scotch brooms don't look so good. the salvia haven't gotten any bigger in 3 months and the creeping phlox bleached and died#the thyme is doing okay and the culinary sage is hanging in there but i don't have high hopes#not a single fucking wildflower sprouted in the yard. i used 2 bags of seed+mulch that was supposed to cover 600sq ft (the yard is 400)#the mourning doves ate a bunch of the seeds and the rest never sprouted#there's a few puny sunflower sprouts but the cottontail came and ate some of those leaves#the cottontail also ate an entire stalk of the potted mystery flowers#the huge plant i moved in November... the one that surprisingly survived frost/freeze... can't handle the heat and is now dead#i just...#the job market is awful. the salaries are worse. the neighborhood is in the middle of nowhere and inhabited by paranoid cops#everyone has big dogs who go apeshit when they hear ppl walking#and the fences are short and the dogs are big so i'm scared to go walking because EVERY. DAY. on the nextdoor app are people#announcing that they found a dog wandering the neighborhood. or ppl saying ''omgggg my dog got out of the yard! have u seen it?''#spring was all wind/gusty and it battered the blackberries and sucked all the moisture out of the yard#so the 2 tons of compost that we rototilled into the dirt? it's just dust now. there's nothing living in that soil#and now summer is here and it's too hot and these plants don't have a chance#i hate everything
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over a month's work
I'm doing so well at writing rn
I totally don't want to take my brain out of my head and start yelling at it
#personal#fic update#the cut words were like... 60? or smt#this chapter is going so well i might as well drop the whole fucking fic...#i don't think i will cause i really look forward to writing the ending but gods am i at my limits#just. the most infuriating thing is that i KNOW HOW to proceed#it's just the little words to get there and this shit has been going on for a month#and i don't have my other wips on the cloud so i can't even switch rn#ooof#i'm at this point of the fic where writing it is a slog and actually not enjoyable#i've dropped wips for less DO YOU HEAR ME YOU DAMNED FIC???#...#rant over sr block the personal tag yada yada you know the drill bye!#wait#have this for reading all that -> ❤#k now bye
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The absolute indignity of begging uni administration for extensions and redos. The needle to thread between "I am doing so poorly please just give me this I'm at the fucking end of my rope" and "promise it's just right now though I'm going to get soo much better and be so normal for next time it's just this once". The way I'm sent into horrendous spirals about my self-worth and future every time I have a deadline.
#genuinely getting an epidermic reaction to assignments#i hate hate hate begging them to be nice to me#like guys. i know 'it's the bare minimum though'.#i'm in a foreign country living on my own for the first time#i've been struggling with undiagnosed/untreated adhd for like four years now at least#i've been crying over homework and assignments for fours years at least!!#this isn't even the end of my rope#the rope has been over for a while now#it's not the the last dregs of my motivation. i've been trying to make more motivation from those dregs for years#i'm so far past the end it's not funny#and masters applications....#i want to live so so bad but every time i start thinking. what if i wasn't alive to be living through this though#like if say. i wasn't conscious for a few months. it'd all be over by then#fucking hell#and then if they don't grant me the redos i'm going to fail my year :)#and have to redo it next year at home#argh#the more i think about it the more i get less. viscerally disgusted by the concept#it's just... man i don't want my luck to be coming to an end#i guess in some ways it's admirable i've been pushing my limits this far and i'm doing so well outside of schoolwork#but nobody else except me my family and my friends see it like that#anyway. off to submit special cons again for another assignment. i hate this#wow i have a ramble tag now
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ignore this i just need to be insane for a second
#life gets soooooo much easier when u decide u are on a clock thats running out and theres an end to it#like i can just fucking vibe now and not care bc theres an end in sight#im just running the clock out and having a good time as much as possible while the clocks still running#and then! i get to be done! and leave! when things get too intolerable! i can just be done and not deal w it anymore!#incredibly freeing! psychologists are terrified of me!#literally just. okay well I'll just live off the savings i have (very lucky i accumulated those) and then-#-either they run out or shit gets too fucked up for me to handle and i can just off myself then. thank fucking god#living in a way where u are just running out ur rapidly ticking clock is just so fucking freeing#things dont matter anymore and i can finally fucking chill a little bit#I've been living this way for a couple months and damn I've been going thru it sure but theres an exit door for me to use now#and thats making it SO much easier to cope. i have a limited amount of time and i can choose to end the clock whenever. thank god#just waiting it out and vibing in the meantime#anyways tonight was brutal lol and i feel the clock moving ahead rapidly but i am just going to make my silly little art instead of worrying#no need to worry bc theres no future to consider!! if things get too hard i can just leave! extremely freeing!#dont have to worry abt escaping or finances or anything lmao its all unnecessary now#this is probably unhealthy (i mean it definitely is) but i feel like i can deal w things so much better#family can say whatever they want now bc if i ever decide its too much i can just be done#and magically! my tolerance levels have risen! hurray! i can tolerate so much more bc i know it doesnt matter!#okay im done im done. things are so bad lol but at least i have an way out at the ready and no more apprehension abt it#me and death become besties era#she is my silly rabbit she is my rock she'll be there to catch me when i collapse djdjdkdl#I'll delete this later but i just need to be stupid a bit rn bc otherwise im going to do smth so much worse#everything is building and building and i am handling it the best i can! this is my best!#suicide tw
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siiiiiigh.
#friday chats#tw vent#(in the following tags that is.)#(so. scroll if you don't wanna read this i suppose.)#anyway. gotta love the overachieving honors student experience.#haven't slept well in over two fucking weeks. i'm so exhausted! it's 11:40 pm but i STILL have multiple assignments left to do!!#part of it is definitely my own fault; i'm the one who put so many difficult classes into my schedule this year#and i'm planning to go discuss dropping a class or two tomorrow actually#bc i've been struggling to do work because of the sheer stress of it all and i'd very much like to sleep for three fucking months#maybe more. perhaps six. maybe even a year. i'm so fucking tired#God. sorry. i don't like getting vent-y on my blog but i am currently At My Limit#i miss having free time dude!! i haven't been able to dedicate time to writing since summer ended!!!#hoping that dropping the class i wanna drop will help#it's not the worst one of the bunch but it looms over my shoulder and the subject matter is miserable#(it's economics. fucking hate it. i get why it's useful but the way we're learning it is so deeply draining. that's capitalism baby!!)#but anyway. gotta hop back to work now. :/ gonna log off for the night
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