#i've already had enough for one night
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bubblegumlefty · 2 years ago
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I'm just so fucking drained...
I don't think you need to know the reason why, do you?
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angrybatart · 4 months ago
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Why yes, I know about Dungeon Nights. Would I play it? Of course! Would I try to date Crow Mauler? ABSOLUTELY.
Why did I put Crow Mauler in a suit? HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO LOOK NICE.
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tortoise-teapot · 2 months ago
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i've decided that there's no way avery is ever going to set physical foot in forever fade prison. he was a circle mage who fought tooth and nail for his freedom, he is never entering a cage again. he wouldn't be able to function through the panic attacks anyway
but it's not the end for them!!! avery's a dreamer he spends half his day in the Fade anyway. if anyone can break in to fade prison every night it's him (with some help from the vhenan)
but where i'm at is... what does avery telling solas 'hey you are the love of my life and i will marry you right now if you let me. but like i can't go to forever prison. i'll see you tonight tho?' LOOK like. in that moment he doesn't know even IF he'd be able to visit in dreams. so like how do you even SAY THAT lmaoo "heyyyy honey, so here's the thing..." doesn't seem to cut it hdhdkd
i played with avery physically joining solas but those daydreams ALWAYS ended with avery taking a swan dive off the edge of the black city eventually and no thank you that is not the story i want to tell
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buttercupshands · 5 days ago
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Playing through Red&Yellow 2.0 undertale mod and let's just say
I haven't been this inspired to draw something undertale related *specifically* from Undertale itself in years
Also play it if you haven't and you have undertale on pc, it's extremely worth it
#Some from isat ss discord might remember that one time I tried streaming ut and uty and sadly couldn't do it#Because I was extremely bored with ut and having a folder of like 15 geno saves and only final of pacifist didn't help at all#R&y mod actually ignored my previous save entirely#Granted I had it mostly blank but some reset stuff would've persisted#And it didn't I had pure blank ut save with mod working with it and it was so cool#I'm at True Lab rn basically. I had a LOT of regrets not playing it blind on my first playthrough#Bc I watched it before playing late at night and it was super scary but again. Ruined the playthrough a bit#And I'm unironically feeling a bit scared and disturbed while playing rn#And like. The game is still just the game. Yet somehow I'm a bit aware that it's not the same game I know#Also to get me to literally call or talk to all the characters in every single room is an achievement these days#I doubt it'll a rare thing bc ut *is* extremely popular#But I should admit having neutral fight have literally no consequences in the dialogues was a bit sad#Like “here we go again” True Pacifist routine#Which is why True lab SUDDENLY changed it and scared me a bit#Having Chara and Clover react to Flowey appearances was sweet I was getting tired of player being the only one who acknowledges them#Also this mod made me extremely aware how much would've my ut play change if this mod existed in 2017#Like I immediately lost all interest in the geno path bc Chara is already here why would I do that on my own again I have all the saves#I'm not tagging this anything fandom related#random thoughts#night thoughts#Anyway I am a bit wary of the game ending again like aw :( I should've tried doing it little bit less hyperfixed kind of way#Also the borders changes are so cool I've always been curious why not have them in game#Black borders look so boring#Granted ut is still has the biggest screen size compared to isat and omori (I hate their size comparison with passion)#Anyhow I'm extremely sleepy I hope the actual ending won't take too long#Running REALLY did a good job making me want skip something less#I didn't get the Ball Game flag even though I tried but eh I got it once last year that's enough for me#All fun events on thing is also so cool#Anyway
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whipped-for-fictionals · 9 months ago
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going to be singing in our school's talent showcase tomorrow!! i'm so so excited, i chose the best song to sing as my final tribute to the school
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burningcomputerpersona · 20 days ago
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second night of not being able to fall asleep since the new semester started. now im remembering why i stopped taking my adhd meds
#look im a fan of staying up late when it's done voluntarily but this is NOT voluntary#i need to get actual sleep bc i need to actually use my brain for school shit tomorrow and i only got like 2 hours of sleep last night#does my body care about that tho? noooo absolutely not no sleep for you for the rest of your life#even the benadryl isn't working anymore and I've already had 150mg#i need one of those chloroform soaked rags they use in movies when knocking someone out to kidnap them#just. im not fucking doing anything. this would be a much better use of my time if i used it to actually do shit like homework#but nooo i was too tired and wanted to go to sleep early but the sleep never came and the task is firmly stuck in tomorrow mode#and i don't even wanna do the tasks bc i never wanna do anything ever except when i take my adhd meds#but when i do take the meds i can't fall asleep. fucking fantastic#in the words of laura jane grace: i need a week long cocaine binge#wait that would probably make my sleeplessness worse tho nevermind#just. i thought this shit was supposed to be addictive. i just keep not wanting to take them#like the opposite of compulsive redosing or something#ugh ykw maybe i should just try fighting fire with fire#just keep going with the meds to see how long it takes until the lack of sleep is enough to overpower the insomnia#maybe i just need to be harder on myself. stop thinking about what i do or don't want#bc i keep getting stuck in this cycle where i try to find a way to convince myself why i should do a task#but end up only thinking of how i absolutely do not want to do the task#and decide to try being more constructive by asking myself what i do want#only to find that the one single thing i want is just to Not#and coming to the inevitable conclusion that i really just need to kill myself#except that's also a task i need to do that takes energy and i don't rlly wanna do that either so that's one bright side ig#ugh i hate this i hate complaining like if you don't like something abt the situation then fucking do something about it or suck it up#and here i am. doing neither.#i swear i need to be put down like a dog. where's that post abt getting into puppy play so you can be euthanized#welp. i guess it's a good thing i got a therapist before the semester started. he's gonna be in for a shock#mine#vent
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neverendingford · 2 months ago
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#was gonna pierce my lip but I realized I lost all the caps to my barbell piercings and I didn't even realize. I'm so fuckin mad#now I have to get more#idk if I can just get the screw on heads. idk what mm size they are#anyway. bone broth is successful. it's been slow cooking all day and looks and smells good. it's gonna make for hella nutritious soup base.#also I've been hunting down Spanish vocab audio because that's how I learn best.#listening to more language transfer and adding music to my Spanish playlist.#still definitely not conversational but my comprehension is going up quite a bit.#I had a grumpy Russian man come through my lane today and the desire to communicate better was so strong.#I just wanna learn all the languages.#I just need to find more resources that work for my brain.#I have a Spanish vocab book and I hardly touch it. duolingo sucks for me. I hate Rosetta Stone.#but there's resources out on the internet I just have to find them and use them.#there's a few good ones on Spotify I've found. as much as I hate Spotify conceptually for music artists it's still a resource I can use.#as much as I don't wanna apply for new jobs I don't wanna work in the same place next year when we move.#I still really wanna try food service. my speech has gotten way better and my stutter is almost never present#so job interviews should be way easier to pull off. I hope. I really hope.#I really wanna get back into nursing but idk if we're moving early enough for me to get into a cna certification class for spring semester.#I really should email the local community college and find out if I can pull off a late start or jump into a class already partway through.#I could look that up right now actually. find out when classes start there and how much I would be missing.#because I've passed the certification before it shouldn't be hard to jump in partway through I think.#hah. I'm so competent. I just looked up the information right now. there's an adult education center where I'm moving that offers the course#but not until halfway through spring.#so I could work food service for the spring and then switch to cna after.#I'm medicated so it's entirely possible and feasible. I have the ability.#hmmm. if I'm going into nursing maybe I should reconsider the lip piercing? hmmmm.#I can just let it heal over if it's an issue.#plenty of time between now and then.#anyway I'm going to bed good night.#well. maybe going to bed.
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moe-broey · 3 months ago
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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know
#unrelated to the flu shot but i'm certain i'll feel it tomorrow#idk i've been in a weird state lately where i get really excited about my art and i get super talkative in general#i feel peppy and enthusiastic and excited and then i just crash. HARD.#it feels like all the years of being a shut-in finally catch up to me all at once and it's like apocalyptic hellfire all consuming agony#and nobody is ever gonna love me again bc i refuse to allow it and the lights are too bright in public spaces.#i feel like i'm not really a person outside of my interests and my artwork. i forget that i'm like. a being.#i think i'm also just annoyed bc i'm gonna be Doing Things. already so soon it's gonna be halloween#and i have plans w my sisters and their friends and later i'll be spending the night at my sister's#and i do want to do all that. but it pisses me off that i had waste time today and will have to tomorrow#when i could be drawing. i should have been drawing. i cannot emphasize enough actually#how artwork is just. the one and only thing that makes me feel connected to people.#that brings me joy and purpose like nothing else. so i just get extra upset if i'm gonna be doing too many things LMFAO#and as i say all this like damn milo some people have jobs. i used to. a lifetime ago.#but to be so real i've gotten so much worse. at. everything.#man sometimes i can't even tolerate being at one of my sisters' place bc she doesn't have lamps.#so i just have to chill in the dark in an adjacent room and it's like Fine.#but why can't everyone live by MY rules.#if i skip out on therapy tomorrow i should cancel tonight. i guess i'm just split about it.#like. it's clear i have things to talk about. but man i just don't fucking WANT to. i'm SICK OF IT#it's more of the same and then some. my circumstances will never change bc i'm in hell. okay.#who CARES .......#who GIVES a shit..........#ect.
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heartshattering · 5 months ago
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My mom is like "You don't need both the TV and the radio turned on :/" like she doesn't understand that the whole point is that the inside of my head is so loud that the only way to fight the 'inside loudness' is with 'outside loudness' but :') this is fine I'll just keep going insane :') no need to worry about me :')
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essektheylyss · 1 year ago
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it's really cold and that's bad but it does mean I've spent the weekend in my truest state which is "fire tender goblin"
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zincbot · 1 year ago
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first workout after top surgery had me flying high all day
#my seroma is probably finally gone and i just have this one tiny spot that's not healed yet after 6 weeks#(i'm a slow healer in general so it's not unexpected)#i was doing some jumping jack variants during warmup and did feel that a little so i slowed it down#but it felt so good finally i've had this awful pent-up-energy for so long#even after i went beastmode in the woods#also workouts already made me feel a little gender before and now it's crazy the euphoria#i'm sure it'll die down eventually but AAAA I LOVE IT SM (it being. my body. how wild is that)#anyway i visted my family and talked to my brother abt working out almost the whole time#I WAS EXCITED OKAY#also had a fun hangout day with all my friends the night prior so just. i welcome the good mood#anyway i usually do upper focus (before)#but during my 6 weeks break i was thinking i shld probably add core to that#so now i'm gonna alternate core + upper. i did core today#it was actually a cardio circuit + a lower body circuit + a core circuit so i feel like it was a pretty well rounded first go back#i gotta be a little slow with upper body stuff anyway cause that's. the surgery.#also i had raised my regular weights after a while before and. like i know i lost some during my break but i'm loathe to go back down#so instead i'm using just one of my two weights for stuff that's too hard with 2 rn. works pretty well#and i already did this before but modifying certain lifts that are meant for smaller weights to be more stable to work with my regular ones#cause i don't have time to be constantly switching my weights and i don't have enough money for more than 1 set#anyway i don't usually do lower body focus (i skip leg day) cause my legs are very limited use due to some weird joint issue#my arms are too but i don't spent all day walking on my arms so i can usually push them a little harder in workout#ehehehe anyway
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arctic-hands · 2 years ago
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Getting your payment a day early but being unable to pay rent that's due tomorrow because your phone is in the repair shop for who knows how long (they closed today still having my phone) and your bank's site never works on your desktop for some reason
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dmumt · 28 days ago
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genuine question is having a flatmate ever a pleasant experience
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#big rant in the tags#i love my flatmate as a friend we get on great (we were friends already) but my godddd i'm pulling my hair out rn#life was so peaceful when i lived alone i want that back so bad it was so chill i didn't have to worry about anything#genuinely why is it so hard for people to be clean. and take the fucking bins out. and just wipe the table after they get crumbs everywhere#and i get that my standards of cleanliness are very high im not expecting that i know it's not gonna be spotless all the time#but there should at least be some sort of attempt. i've not seen her get the hoover out or mop ONCE. and it's always me taking the fucking#genuinely her gf has cleaned up more than she has. but they generate so much mess together and never fucking clean it#came back saturday night after being at home for 2 1/2 weeks (she'd already been back for a week with her gf) and the bins were piled high#and the sink was just so gross with food and stains and gross shit idek and the floor clearly hadn't been hoovered since i did it before#i left to go home. and her and her gf have got so many little kinder toys and lego pieces out on the shelves in the living room so it looks#all messy and listen that'd be fine if she was the one dusting those shelves but it's always me having to wipe down the surfaces and it's#so annoying having to move everything each time. bear in mind she has the bigger room so she has space for all that stuff in there#and today i got home from uni went to grab a bowl and tbh at least her gf had unloaded the dishwasher but she'd put away a bowl that#clearly hadn't been washed properly by the dishwasher how do you see something like that and put that away in the cupboard#i probably sound insane rn but it's so fucking annoying to have to clean up after another person yet alone another person's gf#and before u say just talk to her 1) i have already when i first had to have a conversation with her about her gf coming to stay for 1 mont#that's a whole other issue and 2) i shouldn't have to constantly remind a grown adult to fuckin clean up after themselves in a shared space#thank fuck we have separate bathrooms because i would kms i fear#thing is in february and march im gonna be out of the city for one of my placements i'm already stressed enough about having to move#and i want to be able to come back at the weekend to recharge and see friends but im just scared that it'll be a mess whenever i do#idk man i just think it's disrespectful like this has been my home for over 3 years i care about this flat a lot and it pisses me off to#see shit that gets spilt on the floor not getting cleaned up.... okay enough i just got myself all worked up again#.txt
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mashmouths · 2 months ago
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i'm supposed to be at my professor's house in less than 20 minutes to discuss/present (informally) on a paper i haven't fucking written. and that's my final. should i tell her i have covid
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ardentperfidy · 3 months ago
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unfortunately i think the moralization of politics has lots of bad outcomes one of which is a rigidness and lack of intellectual curiosity
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pseudowho · 3 months ago
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"Yuuji-- if you don't mind, can I ask you something?"
Yuuji looked up from his phone, feeling so grown up to be in the Jujutsu High staffroom with Kento. He raised his eyebrows, the scar across his lip tugging up.
"Uh...yeah, sure. Go crazy."
"What is scary dog privilege, exactly?"
"Scary dog privilege? Huh, well...let's see, uhm...so it's like..."
Yuuji explained, all peaches and wide eyes and animated hands. Kento nodded occasionally, listening intently. His mind, naturally, strayed to you; you were what this was all about, after all.
As with any thought of you (you being his blossoming latent obsession), Kento's stomach flipped, his grip tightening fractionally around his coffee.
Kento remembered.
He remembered when he dropped you home. You checked over your shoulder, again, and again, and again, before you unlocked your door and hurried inside.
He remembered how he had once walked up behind you without much thought, and you spun with panic in your eyes. Kento recalled how quickly you had relaxed, to see it was him, and how high his hope climbed as a result.
He remembered how you had spilled the contents of your bag. You snatched your pepper spray up in the hope that his keen eyes had missed it.
He remembered how you headed to the subway after a staff night out. Your keys had been curiously gripped between your fingers, a weapon that wasn't a weapon.
He remembered, how just the day before, he and you had walked together through central Tokyo to get lunch. You had sat on a park bench together, and Kento had been so overwhelmed by the need to hold it together, Kento, keep it together, that he barely registered the relief written on your skin.
You had eaten in comfortable silence, then leaned over to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek on the way to the bins.
"Thanks for the scary dog privilege, Kento. It's the first time in a long time that I've relaxed in public."
Kento's eyes had drifted closed for just a few moments too long, with the warmth of your lips on his skin, and he stuttered, fumbling, unlike himself.
"Ah...scary...dog privilege?" He asked, quiet. But you were already gone; throwing your crumbs to the ducks.
Yuuji's voice snapped Kento out of memory, and back to the staffroom.
"Dunno if that makes sense, Nanamin?"
A molten pit of spite and rage ignited in Kento once he put two and two together. Scary dog privilege. He gave you scary dog privilege. Why was walking the streets in safety a privilege? Shit. Kento kept his voice level, patting Yuuji on the shoulder as he left, his steaming coffee abandoned.
"Thank you, Yuuji. Stay safe out there this afternoon, and call me when you're finished, please."
If Kento hadn't already felt dirty enough with the knowledge that he pleasured himself to thoughts of you every night, he felt worse, now. He stalked through the corridors of Jujutsu High, calling Ijichi, calling Shoko, determined to find you.
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Once you noticed how one man's gaze lingered on you, you noticed them all. To you, almost all seemed to do it, and to every woman, be they 18 or 80, tall or short or curvy or lithe or gay or straight or anywhere in between. Then, when you began to notice the gazes on 16 year olds, or 12 year olds, or--
You had nauseated by the time you turned the corner to grab lunch. Simultaneously built up and dragged down and accused, you were a madonna and a whore and a bitch. You wondered, vaguely, how deeply, how incurably the disease ran, as you entered the bustling café. You didn't want to think about it. You'd just grab food, and go, and--
"Ah. Good afternoon."
You blinked, to see Kento before you in the queue, and felt a warm burst of joy from your tummy to your toes.
"Kento, I'm...happier than you know, to see you, actually."
A satisfied hum. "I had a feeling you might be. Now...about something you said yesterday...."
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Nanami Kento didn't immediately strike one as a scary dog. He was built, yes, but his suits hid it well, and he was only a little taller than average, and really quite mild, but--
-- oh.
The way his glares could frost a soul. The way other men bounced off him, a stone wall, when a shoulder 'accidentally' hit his. The way his eyes found wayward gazes like a sniper, with the dulcet loading of a bullet behind his sneer. The silent commanding respect. The dares that other men would not dare.
It was no wonder, then, how you and Kento, became you and Shoko and Kento, became you and Shoko and Maki and Nobara and Kento. While individually able to fight your own fights, feeling Kento's scary dog privilege melt threats with acid, was a burden blissfully relieved.
With Kento's protective Midas' touch, your daily lunches turned to gold, unsullied and unmolested. Still...he was there for the whole group.
So why, then, in such a large group, did you look up to find his gaze on you, and only you? How could his eyes caress without staring? It was sorcery, surely.
Kento sequestered you one day, throwing his crumbs to the ducks alongside yours, as the others chatted on the benches behind you. You looked up, shooting him a sideways smile, and wondering how you could ever be good enough for him. He spoke quietly.
"I always believed a dog to have just one owner."
You felt your stomach twist with insinuation. You laid the thread.
"...oh?"
"And while I'm happy to offer my privileges to the benefit of a group, I...would like to be in the position to make such a privilege exclusive."
You swallowed hard, looking sideways again with hope against hope against hope against--
"Are you...saying you'd like to be my scary dog?"
"Very, very much so."
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