#i was asking the music director what song i should sing earlier today cause i put my name down on the list without actually knowing what-

[whipped-for-fictionals]

going to be singing in our school's talent showcase tomorrow!! i'm so so excited, i chose the best song to sing as my final tribute to the school

[swan-of-sunrise]

The Winter Soldier (Chapter Four)

Summary: (Y/N) and Sam worry about their new super-soldier friend after it’s revealed that he’s on the run and wanted by S.H.I.E.L.D., the very agency he’d dedicated himself to.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Four (Previous Chapter)

“It’s such bullshit! Captain America’s a criminal now?!”

“I know, Greg.”

“They haven’t even said what he’s done!”

“Yep, it’s ridiculous…”

“How can they organize a manhunt for him but not say what he’s supposedly done?!”

(Y/N) pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a frustrated groan. “Greg, you’re my friend and I love you but I can’t keep having this conversation with you.”

The line was silent for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“We’ve been having the exact same conversation for almost a half an hour! You can’t believe that Cap’s a criminal, I agree, you complain that they haven’t said what he’s wanted for, I agree, then you start going all ‘Law and Order’ on me!” She exclaimed, immediately regretting her outburst; with a sigh, she sat down in her desk chair and rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, Greg, that was rude. I don’t like what’s going on either; Captain America stands for freedom and honor, he always has, and it just seems…wrong that he’s the subject of a manhunt. I seriously doubt that Captain America of all people did anything to break the law.”

“Wow, when did you become such a big Cap fan?”

“I went to his exhibit when I was at the Air and Space Museum yesterday, and I guess it got me interested.” (Y/N) half-lied, fidgeting with the sleeve of her sweater as she pressed her phone closer to her ear. “Anyway, the reason I called was to tell you that it might take me a little longer to get the draft of my book to you; I still need to look over the last couple of chapters and with everything happening…it might be hard to focus on writing today.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mike’s busy reading through a nine-hundred-page thriller that was sent in this morning so that’ll give you some time. Sorry to cut this short but I’ve gotta go, I have to check on mine and Mara’s dinner reservation for tonight, so I’ll talk to you later, (Y/N)!”

“Talk to you later, Greg!” (Y/N) hung up and set her cell phone down on the desk with a sigh. Ever since she and Sam turned on the television at breakfast and saw the breaking news, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong; Steve Rogers wouldn’t be on the run from S.H.I.E.L.D. unless he had a damn good reason to be. I’m sure he’s fine, he’s probably been through much tougher scrapes than this, she thought to herself with forced optimism as she turned on her laptop and began typing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Humming along to Billy Joel’s ‘Movin’ Out’, (Y/N)’s fingers flew across her keyboard as she typed and she smiled, proud of the fact that her writer’s block from the week before was now officially over and that she was so close to completing her very first novel. Not bad, not bad at all, she thought, hitting the ‘save’ button and stretching her arms over her head to relieve the build-up tension in her shoulders.

“Now this is good music, Booksmart!”

She spun her desk chair around to see Sam standing in the doorway of her bedroom and raised her eyebrow as she turned down her music. “Oh, so Billy Joel’s okay but everything else I listen to is garbage?”

Sam gave her a teasing eye-roll. “I never said that your music was garbage, I just said it was weird. How’s the writing going today?”

“I edited twelve pages and just spent an hour trying to describe a Soviet Cold War-era missile, so it’s been okay. How was work?”

“It was good, I didn’t have any meetings scheduled so I spent most of the day playing chess with the old timers. I swear, I think Gary cheats but I can’t figure out how he does it…”

(Y/N) shrugged. “Or maybe you should just accept the fact that you’re terrible at chess and the old timers take great pleasure in seeing you lose.”

“Ha, ha, very funny. You still cool with driving me to the shop to pick up my car?”

(Y/N) got up, turning off her computer and unplugging her MP3 player from her speaker with a grin. “Of course! Driver picks the music, though!” She laughed and practically skipped out of the room as Sam let out a groan of defeat and followed her. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Birdbrain, it’s not like I’m making you listen to a CD of ambient throat singing!”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if you had some of that…”

Five minutes later, they were on the road and the two of them were singing along to her one of Panic! At The Disco’s newest singles at the top of their lungs; out of the corner of her eye she could see other drivers shooting them odd looks but she couldn’t care less, she was enjoying herself far too much.

Sam chuckled as the song came to a finish. “Damn, their new album is good. You know, I didn’t start listening to alt-rock until I met you.”

“Then you should be thanking me for bringing such good music into your life!” Giggling, (Y/N) turned down the volume and glanced over at the cheerful man sitting beside her, her smile faltering as she asked, “Do you think he’s okay, Sam?”

Her roommate’s expression grew serious and he shook his head. “I really don’t know. I saw on CNN earlier that inside sources claim he’s wanted by S.H.I.E.L.D. in connection to the assassination of their director, but I don’t buy it. The guy we’ve met, who’s so dedicated to his job that he hasn’t bothered getting a life outside of it, wouldn’t be a part of something like that. I think something else’s up and I’ll bet anything he’s out there trying to figure it out.”

(Y/N) bit her bottom lip, nodding after a moment. “Yeah, me too.”

“Just you wait, this whole mess with S.H.I.E.L.D.’ll be cleared up in no time. I’m calling it right now, Steve’s gonna ride up to the VA on his motorcycle and dramatically whisk you off your feet, and the two of you are gonna ride off into the sunset together while one of those sappy love songs you pretend not to like plays in the background.” Sam's teasing smirk widened when her cheeks flushed. “C’mon, Booksmart, you both were mooning over each other like teenagers after the meeting yesterday; I felt like I was in the live studio audience of a soap opera taping.”

“You know, I could always kick you out of the car and make you walk all the way to the shop, if you'd prefer.”

“And I'd still get there before you ‘cause you drive like a grandma...”

Soon after, she pulled into the auto repair shop’s lot, parking under the shade of a tree before turning to Sam with a smile. “Did you want me to stay just in case your car isn’t ready yet?”

“That would be great, actually, thanks!” Sam gave her a grin before getting out of the car and heading into the shop.

(Y/N) rolled down the windows and sighed when she felt the soft spring breeze against her skin. Taking advantage of the peaceful moment, she let her imagination wander and began brainstorming different stories and characters in her head. You should probably finish the book you’re writing before you start on another one, she thought with a playful eye-roll. Her childhood dream of becoming a published author was in the middle of coming true, and she couldn’t be any happier about it.

Just then, her eyes drifted to a silver truck that was driving past the parking lot. It was going fast so she couldn’t get a very good look at the driver, but for a split second she could have sworn that the man driving the truck had the same blonde hair and chiseled jaw as Steve Rogers. Chalking it up to worry for the runaway super-soldier, she closed her eyes and murmured, “Whatever he’s up to, I hope that he’s staying safe.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I’ve created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter. Enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BenknAqQQnOWY8NmSa23V

Tagging: @mrs-obrien​ @lahoete​ @awkward117​ @cminr​ @momc95​ @awkwardnesshabitat​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @khuang3​ @supersouthy​ @benakenalove​ @brooke0297​ @hufflepeople​ @becausewelie​​ @outoftheregular @supreme-tantrum​

Chapter Five

“The Winter Soldier” Masterlist

[btsslowburnfic]

Born to be Yours Ch. 10

Story Summary: For Namjoon, the moment he set his sights on being the #1 rapper, he pushed the symbol to the side and hated it. Love should be chosen, not forced on you. He didn’t believe in fate and this mark on his wrist was a big “fuck you” to all that.

Chapter summary: Life after you and RM part ways goes back to normal until an accident changes everything

Previous chapters found here: Chapter 9

You are surprised that life does in fact go back to normal. You and Xavier make up and get back to working with smaller local groups after the awards season ends. Things with you and Ben get back to normal; you become a master of using heavy foundation on your soulmark when you’re at home. The summer tour is amazing. You and Xavier traveled to 32 states in 4 months. You find yourself following Twitter and Weverse to see what RM is up to. And you sometimes found yourself thinking about that night the two of you spent together. You mostly try to push it out of your mind though. Even though you told Xavier and he randomly brings it up.

“Right here? On this desk!?!” he asks, running his hands over the surface.

“Yes. And don’t do that, it’s weird and gross.”

“How was it? Describe it to me again.”

You chuckle a bit and roll your eyes, “No. I told you once so I could get it out of my system.”

“Ughhh you’re so boring.” he whines playfully.

“Shouldn’t you be reprimanding me about being a terrible cheating slut?” you raise an eyebrow.

“No. I ship that shit.” he responds, sipping on a smoothie. “Have you eaten yet?” he asks

You laugh and look through your phone. “No, I had a zoom meeting with Gina at noon and then I covered spinning class.” You press some buttons on your screen. “There. I just ordered. I’ll see you in a while.” You stand up and put your flip flops back on.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you in pilates tonight.”

You toss your bag over your shoulder and put your sunglasses on as you step out the door. You look both ways and start to cross the street as you hear a screeching sound. The next thing you hear and feel is the sickening crunch of bone hitting glass. Tires screeching away and then everything is black.

----------------

Namjoon occasionally finds himself thinking about you. Mostly when he accidentally slams his body into a door frame or cuts his finger. He always says he’s sorry and then kind of feels like an idiot for apologizing to no one. He also thinks about the night the two of you shared together quite often and had made Jhope send him those photos he took.

He’s happy to be working and on tour again. It’s been a fun summer. They wrapped up the Asia portion of their journey and were well into Europe now. As usual, the filming crew was in the green room as they were preparing for their second night at Wembley. The first night had been amazing. He couldn’t think of anything that made him happier than being in front of ARMY, especially when they were singing along to the songs he wrote. He smiled as he scrolled through his phone while he had his makeup touched up. 

“10 minutes, 10 minutes.” Management called out.

“Alright guys, let’s get it.” he yells through the green room.

They gather around and do their chant. The minute they step out of the green room they can hear the fans roaring and cheering along to the pre-show videos. They each go to their respective starting positions and wait to hear the signal. 

They open quick and fast with “On” and the crowd is absolutely pumped. They begin their second song and will then introduce themselves. The music for “Dionysus” begins to play and the elaborate set pieces are added throughout the song. They are almost to the end of Dionysus when RM goes down hard. He falls off the table. People are gasping, Jin runs over and signals to the staff on the side of the stage that something is very wrong. ARMY and BTS are freaking out. The visual director quickly puts a message onto the big screens to please wait a moment. The medical staff immediately takes the lift up to the main backstage area. The obvious damage is a cut on his arm that took the brunt of the fall from the table, but that gash can’t account for the fact that he’s unconscious and breathing shallowly. There is a rush of oxygen masks and people yelling. Jimin and JK start crying, the other guys are freaked out about the show and what to do next. Jin rises to the occasion by asking if they should go ahead and skip to his and Suga’s solos until there is more information. A decision is quickly made to begin the solo portions. The two of them quickly change costumes and prepare to go out. An ambulance ends up needing to be called. The guys decide that Namjoon would want the show to go on and so they do. It’s ugly and weird and they are unfocused but they manage through it. ARMY is crying for RM because they know it’s bad when he doesn’t come back on stage. They skip the ments and encore and  the guys are immediately loaded into vans and transported to the private health facility that he’s been taken to. 

The staff escorts the six of them to a room where they wait for a doctor to come and speak to them. A translator is located and brought in as well.

“What happened? Did anybody see what happened before he fell?” Hoseok asks.

“He was fine. I didn’t notice anything strange.” Tae responds. 

“They took video and showed the doctor,”Yoongi adds, having overheard the staff on the way there.

After a few minutes a doctor comes in. “Hello Gentleman. Your friend is in good hands here, and is stable.” she reassures them. 

There is a collective sigh from the group as they hear this news.

“However, we aren’t sure what’s causing this condition. There is no evidence of an aneurysm on the CT scan and the video doesn't show any seizure-like activity prior to the fall. His heart is in excellent shape as well as his lungs. At this point we are running more tests but we do need to ask you all some questions here. Please answer honestly. Does your friend use any drugs? Even maybe extra prescription medication?”

It takes a few seconds for the translator to relay the message and the guys’ reactions range from anger to disbelief. Jin is up on his feet shouting about how they should be focusing on fixing Namjoon rather than gossiping, Jimin is crying more. It’s a mess.

“Calm down guys, it’s a standard question,” Yoongi says stoically. “She’s not trying to be rude.”

“No. He drinks beer and wine sometimes. But no. He’s not on any drugs.  That’s ridiculous.” Jungkook summarizes.

“I’m sorry, it’s something I do have to ask. Is there anything else you guys could think of that might be pertinent? An old injury? Something he did earlier today or ate that he doesn’t usually?”

The guys all sat there for a minute. It was Jin who made the connection first: “His soulmate. She lives in LA.”

Tae’s hand flew to his phone to make a phone call.. The next few things happened over the course of a few hours: a phone call to Hitman Bang to get Gina’s contact information. Several phone calls to Gina. Calls from Gina to you. No answer. Phone calls to Xavier. No answer. Xavier calling Gina back hysterically sobbing that you were in a coma with a skull fracture and blood loss, Gina crying, Gina having someone else call Hitman Bang because she couldn’t stop sobbing, Hitman Bang calling Tae back.

The doctor was updated on the situation. “Ah...well that would explain it. Were the two of them very close?” she asks delicately.

It’s highly inappropriate but Yoongi just laughs, “No. They met one time .”

The doctor raised her eyebrows, “Oh. Well that’s unusual.”

“If she dies, will he die too?” Jimin asks quietly with tears in his eyes.

“No. And especially not if they weren’t close. I need to consult with some colleagues on this before we proceed. If you all want to go get some rest I think he’s going to be like this for a while. We can call you if anything changes.” the doctor informs them.

They are uneasy about leaving Namjoon there so they split up into groups of two to take turns. Jin and JK take the first shift at the care facility.

 ----------------

The doctor reaches out to several colleagues who are familiar with more case studies of soul mate injuries and what to do when there is a mirrored trauma response. She gets permission from RM’s parents (who have flown to London as well at this point) to try a reverse cryogenic procedure to restart his systems. Basically, they will bring his body down to an almost hypothermic point and slowly reheat him, encouraging cell regeneration and movement. It has been successful in similar cases, but it is a slow procedure that needs to be carefully monitored. 

Meanwhile, social media is having a field day about what could have happened. BigHit put out that story that RM has developed a severe allergic reaction to shellfish and went into anaphylaxis on the stage; he was administered an epi-pen and hospitalized but is now resting and recovering. The rest of the guys give interviews to back up this story as well. 48 hours after the incident began, RM is slowly regaining consciousness. 

“What happened? I feel like someone is opening up my skull with a pair of pliers.” he asks the doctor.

“I’m sorry but your soulmate was in a very bad car accident. She’s in a coma and you suffered a mirrored trauma response. I’m going to go let your friends and family know you’re awake.” 

“Shit.” RM says, really taking in everything that was just said to him. 

Jin is the first one in the room. “Hey. You’re finally awake. We were so worried.”

“How long have I been out for?”

“2 days.”

“Shit. What happened with the concert? Is everything ok? Oh God. What did they tell people?”

“One thing at a time.” Yoongi said as he entered the room. “We finished the show. The tour is postponed for at least a few weeks. We told people you had an allergic reaction.”

RM visibly relaxed but was still upset about the show. “Those fans have to be so disappointed.”

“Yeah, but they want you to be well. There’s thousands of flowers and cards being left at Wembley and so many messages on Weverse. We’ll make the dates up when you’re better. ARMY understands. It’s not your fault.”

“No, it’s [Y/N]’s fault.” he says briskly. 

“I mean. She got flattened by a car. So, not really.” Tae added.”She’s in an actual coma. They can;'t just reheat her.” he was surprised by how cold RM sounded talking about his soulmate.

“You’re right. I’m just...it’s a lot. My head still hurts and I guess I just want someone to blame.”

“Blame the asshole who hit her,” Yoongi adds.

“Yeah. I will. I’m so tired.”

“Here, we’ll leave so you can talk to your parents for a minute before you rest.”

“My parents flew in?” he says surprised.

“We thought you were going to die,” Jimin says seriously. “Your sister is on her way here too.”

Rm laid his head back against his pillow. This is exactly the kind of soulmate bullshit he’s been trying to avoid. And you were in a coma. He stopped for a minute and thought about how scary it must be for you but he won’t allow himself to dwell on it. He’s getting his soul mark obliterated as soon as you wake up from your coma and sign off on it. If you wake up from it. Shit. 

----

24 hours later he is discharged from the hospital and decides to book a flight to LA to see what your doctors are doing about rectifying this situation. He can’t shake the massive headache and leg pain that he’s still experiencing constantly. He cannot perform like this. Also he’s looked into the legal status of soulmark obliteration if one party is a permanently vegetative state and what counts as legal consent. Because of course he has. The guys all talk and decide that Tae will go along with him for support. Really it’s to be the voice of reason because they can’t believe that rather than going to see how you’re doing, he is going to ask you to remove your mark. 

------------

RM knows what hospital you are at because his doctor consulted with yours in order to determine the best course of treatment. You doctor was hoping that once RM woke up, you would show signs of improvement. So far though, there wasn’t a lot on your end.

Ben and Xavier dutifully took shifts staying with you in the hospital. On this particular night, Ben is taking the night shift, walking back from the vending machines. He stops when he sees two dudes who look like models standing outside your door.

“Hey. Are you guys friends with [Y/N]? You must be from the studio. I don’t think we’ve met before. I'm Ben” Ben is tired but tries to be friendly.

Tae and Namjoon turn and look to him. Ben. Ben must be her boyfriend. 

“Actually we’re from one of the bands she worked with. I’m Namjoon and this is Taehyung. You must be her boyfriend?”

“Fiance actually,” Ben politely corrects. “Just a few weeks ago actually,” he awkwardly laughs. “But then this all happened. You know the asshole didn’t even stop?” 

Tae feels extremely awkward. He can understand a small bit of what’s going on, but he knows that what’s coming will be very difficult for everyone.

“That’s awful. How is she doing?”

“Bad. Stable. But, bad. She lost a lot of blood and hit her head pretty hard. They’re surprised she didn’t have any broken bones other than her skull fracture. She dislocated her shoulder when it hit the hood. The guy was definitely speeding.” Ben runs a hand through his hair. “Sorry if you were hoping to visit.”

RM awkwardly runs his hands up and down his jeans. There is not an easy way to say this.

“So. You know that [Y/N] has a soulmark on her wrist?”

Ben stiffens ever so slightly, “I do. But it’s ok. We don’t really care about that whole destiny thing. It’s unconventional but you know…” he trails off.

RM takes a deep breath and rolls up his sleeve. “I have the matching soulmark. I was in a coma for 2 days. I need to speak to her doctor immediately.” NEXT CHAPTER

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 2.9 (Party Over Here)

Ohhh hey there Zachary! 😍

- Kate’s turning 14 soon and she’s forced by her parents to invite all of her classmates, including Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda to her birthday party. I thought she’s a year older than everyone since she revealed to Claire in Season 1 she got held back in kindergarten? Since they’re in the 8th grade, shouldn’t she be turning 15 instead? Unless, everyone else is turning 14 in the following year since it’s the fall right now. 

- In addition to handing out paper invites, she has a whole entourage sing an entire song, which I’m assuming it’s called ‘The Kate, The Party’ to the invitees. It was pretty cringe but very on-brand for Kate. Lizzie wasn’t gonna RSVP to her invite but after hearing a couple of kids talking about Kate giving her guests goodie bags with cellphones in it, she quickly changes her mind. I think ALL of us would change our minds lol.

Lizzie’s Next Attempt At Lying

- First things first, Lizzie needs to convince her mom, Jo that Kate’s party will be well-chaperoned even though Kate’s irresponsible 18 year-old cousin, Amy (played by Hilary Duff’s sister, Haylie) is going to be the chaperone. However, Jo is pretty set on not letting her daughter go to this party and this causes Lizzie to get upset. 

- The next day in school, Lizzie complains to her best friends about not being able to go to Kate’s birthday party. Miranda is also on the same boat as Lizzie but surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly), Gordo’s parents are allowing him to go because he’s basically a good boy and never really gets into trouble. Except, he did actually got into trouble at least one time before this. Didn’t he get grounded last season for sneaking into an R-rated film in the episode, Rated Aargh? 

- Lizzie and Miranda try to think of ways to convince their parents once more like volunteering to do more chores around the house but they’re not so keen on doing that either. Miranda then thinks about the other option, which is to lie to them. Sounds a lot like the Rated Aargh episode. Hopefully, Lizzie’s a better liar this time. 

- They come up with a plan, which is to get Jo to drop them off at the mall but instead of staying there, they will then get on a bus to go to Kate’s house. Lizzie is quaking in her boots because poor girl doesn’t know how to lie well. Gordo, who’s trying to prove to everyone that he’s not some goody two shoes reveals that he lied to his parents by saying that he’s at Miranda’s place but in actuality, he’s going to go the party that he was already allowed to go to instead. That sounds so unnecessary but whatever floats your boat, Gordo.  

- Before taking off, Jo gives Lizzie some cash to spend on some treats at the mall, which instantly makes Lizzie feel guilty. This reminds me of the ‘Between A Rock and Bra Place’ episode, where Jo also gives Lizzie some money to go shopping for bras, which made Lizzie feel guilty as well especially after telling her mom off at the changing room. 

Kate’s Cousin Is The Worst

Eww, I hope that woman washed her hands before flicking Gordo like that. How rude! 

- They get to the mall and Lizzie and Miranda then change into their ‘party’ outfits whilst Gordo waits for them outside the ladies room. Just a little after 7 pm, they arrive at Kate’s house. Lizzie is still feeling the guilt from her mom giving her 10 bucks. Only 10 bucks? Lol, I thought she gave more than that...just saying.

This actually happened to me once at a club in Spain....lol

- Kate’s party is filled with older kids, whom are probably around the same age as Amy and probably older. Our trio doesn’t seem to recognize anybody...well, except for Amy:

This is so funny to me because it’s Hilary watching her big sis, Haylie doing a ‘7 minutes in heaven’ thing. Well, this is why Jo and Daniela are against their daughters going to an Amy-chaperoned party 

-  The three of them decide to just ditch the party but before they could make their escape, Kate finds them inside the ‘7 minutes of heaven’ closet they were hiding in. Isn’t hiding in there kind of gross? It looks like Kate doesn’t want them to leave so soon seeing that she wants them to at least be around for when she cuts her birthday cake. 

Amy is like the worst....lmao. First of all, she got Kate a strawberry cake when she knew Kate preferred chocolate but what’s even worse is that she forgot that Kate’s birthday is today. How does Kate even deal with her? 

1:06 gif

You can’t help but feel bad for her at this moment.

Lizzie Helps Kate...Again

- Lizzie goes upstairs to see if Kate’s doing okay and she then sees Kate on the phone with her mom to let her know how much of a disaster her birthday party is. We also find out that the only reason why Amy’s chaperone is because Kate’s mom is out of town. Lizzie tries to talk to her but Kate’s still very upset. 

- They both sit on Kate’s bed and Kate reveals to Lizzie that all she wanted for her birthday is just to go to the movies with a few of her close friends. However, her mom wanted her to have a ‘grown up’ party instead. She’s 14 (or 15)! She doesn’t need a grown-up party. Lizzie obviously feels bad for Kate and decides to ask her to tag along with her and Gordo and Miranda to the mall to watch a film together. That’s so sweet. And Kate’s reaction was sweet too!

-  However, Kate doesn’t think it’s a good idea to leave her house in the state that it’s in. I actually think she should just leave and let Amy take all the blame since she is the chaperone and ADULT in this situation. I’m sure Kate’s mom would have punished Amy and not Kate for any possible destruction of property lol. 

Why are Gordo and Miranda me in most parties? Just be eating cake all the time lol

- Lizzie thinks the best solution is to call her mom to put an end to this party. How about no. Can’t they ask Kate to call an aunt or an uncle or something? Anyways, she eventually calls her mom, who was eating ice cream whilst watching a sad movie (that’s so me as well) and she quickly makes her way over to Kate’s house. 

- Lizzie makes an attempt to get herself off the hook by telling her mom that she doesn’t deserve to be punished since she did a responsible thing, which is to call her. However, Jo isn’t fooled by this and tells Lizzie that she’s grounded. She also tells Miranda and Gordo that she’s going to inform their parents as well. 

- We then see Jo turning the party upside down by getting everyone in there to behave and she literally brings the party to a halt by unplugging the music speaker, causing everyone to stop dancing. She then orders everyone to get out of the house.

Amy vs Jo lol 

- Amy gets an attitude with Jo for disrupting the party but Jo isn’t gonna let any 18-year old walk all over her. You got that right! Jo asks Kate if she wants to come home with them but Kate politely declines. 

Okay...so it was definitely Kate’s 15th birthday and she’s still just lying to everybody hahaha

- Kate decides to swallow all her pride and thank Lizzie for helping her out...for a minute. She then goes back to mean girl Kate shortly after. I’m so sick of this charade Kate’s playing with Lizzie. Just suck it up and be friends lol. 

B-Plot: Fun Dad 

- In this episode, it isn’t just Matt getting into some weird albeit fun venture but Sam is also involved in it too. They reveal that the both of them were chosen to be the spokes-family for ‘Cardio Punch’ sport drink, which includes them starring in a commercial. Jo thought that she is to be part of it too but unfortunately for her, it’s just a father and son thing. And she’s feeling pretty salty about it. 

Hey there Zachary!

- Matt and Sam arrive at the studio and they’re greeted by the casting director and Zachary Quinto Steve, the director. It looks like Steve isn’t playing around  as he wants them to get fitted into harnesses straight away because they’re gonna have to rock climb; Sam is all sorts of terrified. 

-  Steve goes over all the steps they need to take once they scale that wall with them. It’s not very complicated but at the speed he was delivering the instructions, I wouldn’t have caught most of it lol. 

- We fast forward to the both of them pretty high up on the mountain wall. However, Sam is petrified and can’t really move. He explains to Matt that he experienced a bad rope-climbing incident, which made him greatly afraid of heights ever since. Steve, the director grow impatient and yells at Sam for not moving. He even makes fun of Sam’s weight. This angers Matt and he proceeds to scale back down to the bottom and gives Steve a piece of his mind. It turns out, Matt telling off Steve made great film for the commercial. 

- At the end of the episode, the full commercial is out on TV and the Mcguires are in the living room watching the final product.  The commercial is just so hilariously bad, especially that shoddy dub on Matt, by Matt. It didn’t even fit his lip movements. Sam was also edited out of the commercial. After all of that anxiety? Poor Sam. 

Overall Thoughts

- This was a pretty enjoyable episode to watch. Nothing significant really happened except that we got to see Zachary Quinto guest star in this episode as well as Haylie Duff guest-starring again. Lizzie helping Kate out is nothing new but as I’ve mentioned it earlier, I’m kinda over Kate acting like she hates Lizzie when deep down, she doesn’t. It’s getting really old. 

- Jo definitely got to shine as a character in this episode, which is awesome to see. I particularly enjoyed her setting the older kids straight like a military sergeant. I’m also glad she was involved in the A-plot instead of Matt’s B-plot, in which the latter is usually where she appears in most of the time. 

- Speaking of the B-plot, it was one of the better ones frankly speaking. It didn’t involve Matt doing something ridiculous like an extreme hobby or whatnot. It was just him and his dad, Sam starring in a somewhat cool sports drink commercial. The highlight of all of that was definitely Matt standing up for his dad in front of Steve. Although, it didn’t really do much to Steve except making him happy and excited that he got great film out of Matt’s rant lol. 

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #67: I Don’t Want the World to See Me (10/19/18)

I say “they’re back, they’re really back” every week, but I only say it because it’s true. Our band kicked off the first tour of the Trench Era with gusto this week, and that’s only just scratching the surface.

This Week’s TØPics:

The Bandito Tour Begins

Additional Tour Dates Announced

Jim Dun

More Interviews with the Band

And MORE!

Major News and Announcements:

Again, there’s not an awful lot of “news”, mostly just developments happening in real time. That said, there is one notable piece of intel, as the band added another three dates to the second North American leg of their tour: namely, a second show in Toronto, a concert in Newark to further serve that densely-populated metropolitan area, and a show in San Antonio to show Texas some love. You can register for those tickets now, so get to it!

The Shows:

The Bandito Tour kicked off in Nashville last Tuesday, and it was incredible. Of course, not everyone was totally pleased with it: Some people thought there were too few songs from Trench, while others were heartbroken that too many old favorites were knocked off. For that first point: nine out of fourteen of the new songs made their way onto the setlist, one more than the eight songs from Blurryface that landed on the first headlining show in Australia that era. Granted, those shows were significantly shorter than the current arena shows, but those songs also had much less competition for space. Point is, there’s still plenty of time for “Chlorine” to make it on the setlist, clikkies.

As for the second point... listen, I’m gutted for everyone who didn’t get a chance to sing “Migraine” or “Guns for Hands” this week. But if they could play “Taxi Cab” after five years of acting like it didn’t exist, they can- and will- play those songs again. I promise.

The setlist was comprised of:

Jumpsuit

Levitate

Fairly Local- The first full performance of the song since 2015, complete with a reveal of a scissor lift under Josh’s drum kit and a “Hometown”-disappearing act.

Stressed Out- Introduced by a cute video of a flying red beanie to give Tyler a chance to run back to the stage, culminating in it descending from the sky for Tyler to wear.

Heathens

We Don’t Believe What’s On TV- Complete with Nigel introducing Josh with a romantic poem and Tyler’s now-customary first speech to the crowd.

The Judge

Lane Boy- Josh’s flying drum platform gets an extra light display at the end.

Nico and the Niners- A runway out to the b-stage descends from the heavens and hangs over the crowd; Tyler performs the rap there and finishes at b.

Taxi Cab- Tyler Joseph asks the thousands of people in the audience to sit and listen to this nice piano song his dad likes, causing us to drown in our tears.

Neon Gravestones- A transparent curtain imposes giant ghostly images of the band over the b-stage, while a gorgeous moving light display hangs overhead.

Bandito- The debut of this song was accompanied by another incredible light show and displays of soaring vultures. Notably, the first verse was cut, seemingly just to keep up the pace.

Pet Cheetah- Tyler and Josh head back across the runway to finish the sick beats, the pit drops like nobody’s business.

Iris- The band brings out the openers to play this Goo Goo Dolls classic, infusing it with incredible emotion and a killer uke arrangement. So far, Tyler’s been introducing it as the soundtrack for Josh’s childhood “firsts” (first kiss, first Fun Dip, etc).

Hey Jude- The bands perform one of the greatest songs of all time.

Holding On To You- Now with more pretty stars

Ride- Now without a drum island

My Blood- Now with SKELETON HOODIES and holding on to the crowd harmony conducting from The Complete Diversion.

Morph- Tyler does his best rap thing while Josh busts out his most technical drum island yet.

Car Radio

Leave the City- Replacing “Goner” for the encore, Tyler leans in hard for audience participation.

Trees- Now with imagery reflecting Josh’s tree tattoo. The keyboard is also placed above the car, which rises dramatically from the ground in the middle of the song because Tyler’s just extra like that.

Tyler’s Trees Speech in Nashville was a full one. After acknowledging earlier in the show that he and Josh were really nervous about getting this one right, Tyler thanked the opening crowd for giving him the experience of hearing “Leave the City” sung back at him for the first time, lampshaded how ridiculous the production value of the shows has gotten, gave Nashville-native lighting director Shap some grief, and joked about how he only messed up the second verse from “Morph”, so there’s some room for improvement.

Interviews and Other Shenanigans:

The biggest interview from this week was the band’s feature with The New York Times, which did not go too awfully in-depth in terms of revealing information that we didn’t already know but was still one of the more well-written pieces on the band I’ve seen in some time. The article takes their art and artistry seriously, covering their oft-repeated backstory with reverence fitting a band that has proved themselves time and again to be worth that consideration. The descriptions of Tyler and Josh read as totally on-point to their personalities, and there’s a cool revelation that Tyler’s kept an encouraging voicemail from Chris Martin on his phone since 2016. The highlight for me, though, is the absolutely crushing ending where Tyler responds to a question of his mental health by answering “I’m OK today.” It’s a mature and sobering outlook on his future struggles with his mental health; I hope he stays OK for many years to come.

Oh, and Jim Dun’s Instagram page is now public, so you should definitely go splurge through a year’s worth of cute dog photos featuring Josh, cameos from Brendon Urie, and snarky comments from Mark, Brad, Debby, Jenna, Jordan, Abigail, and friends. Josh even gave a little interview with Global K9 Protection Services talking about his relationship with his pup. Jim will be joining the gang on tour, so we’re sure to get plenty more adorable puppy action in the weeks to come.

Chart Performance:

Well, it looks like my suspicions last week were correct: Trench fell just shy of securing a #1 spot in the States, losing out to A Star Is Born’s soundtrack. But that’s no reason to be gloomy- last week was still the band’s biggest sales week ever, selling 135,000 albums and earning an additional 40,000 equivalent units in streams and other avenues of listening. And hey, they were the #1 album in Australia! That’s pretty cool.

As far as individual songs go, things continue to look pretty rosy. The album release boosted “Jumpsuit” and “Nico and the Niners” back to the Hot 100 at #79 and #95, respectively, while “My Blood” was able to debut at #81 off of the music video. Below the Hot 100, “Morph” and “Chlorine” managed to sneak onto the Bubbling Under chart at #6 and #12 respectively.

The songs impressed more individually down on the Rock Charts. Every single track from the album made it onto the Hot Rock Songs chart, which combines every source of music consumption with a similar formula as the Hot 100. Most of this can be attributed to streaming- nine songs from Trench made their way onto the Rock Streaming chart versus only two new arrivals to Rock Sales. “My Blood” is also continuing to gain radio momentum; we’ll see if that’s enough to keep it around next week.

Upcoming Performances:

With the Bandito Tour fully underway, let’s look to the week ahead to see what communities the band will be sharing their music with and try to determine if we might expect any surprises.

Show 3: Enterprise Center, St Louis, Missouri (10/19)

Capacity: 22,000

Tonight, the band returns to St. Louis, a city they’ve visited many times in the past. They played this venue at their last show here in 2016, albeit when it was under the “Scottrade Center” name.

Show 4: Fiserv Forum, Milwaukee, Wisconsin (10/20)

Capacity: 17,500

Twenty One Pilots have never played this venue before, because it didn’t exist the last time they toured; heck, it didn’t even exist when they announced this one! The brand-new Fiserv Forum, built as the new home for the Milwaukee Bucks basketball team, opened just last month with a concert from The Killers and has already hosted a number of other artists. It should make for an incredible show, even more so because it will be the band’s first ever arena show in the city. 

Show 5: XCel Energy Center, St. Paul, Minnesota (10/21)

Capacity: 13,000

The band also played this venue in their last visit back in 2016. Not much else to say, so... moving on!

Show 6: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio (10/23)

Capacity: 20,000

Tuesday’s show in Cleveland will be the closest thing to a hometown show the band will play until their two announced concerts in Columbus next June, nearly nine months from now. As a result, expect to see plenty of family members in attendance (and maybe an on-stage cameo from Zach to perform his verse from “Kitchen Sink”). It’ll definitely be a real special night.

Show 7: Little Caesar’s Arena, Detroit, Michigan (10/24)

Capacity: 22,000

Wrapping things up, Twenty One Pilots will be playing their first show in Detroit proper since 2015, and their first ever arena show in the general region. This is another relatively new facility that only opened in September of last year, the harshest season of the hiatus. Hopefully those Ohio boys put on a good show for my Michigan kin.

-

It was another incredible week. I can’t wait to see how these shows continue to grow and evolve in the weeks and months to come. Let me know when you all get the chance to see them. Until then, power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[luccie-eclair]

Dear Nora Valkyrie (Renora Week: AU)

“Okay, take a lunch break. Your director wants you back in exactly one hour,” the Asian man instructed the cast of dancers before taking a sip of water. One girl, in a red dress passed by him. “And, Ruby?” She stopped to look at him. “Maybe try not wearing a dress to rehearsal.”

She blushed and nodded. “I didn’t think we’d be dancing. I’ll remember tomorrow.”

The man chuckled and grabbed his bag before meeting with their assistant director, Glynda Goodwitch. He received brief instruction for their next rehearsal and made mental notes before leaving the dance room and walking down the long halls of the studio. 

He had about 3 hours to eat lunch and get ready for his dance students. One door he passed read “Cast and Crew for TEM only” in pink, curly handwriting with a heart on the bottom. There was music seeping through the cracks of the door with what sounded like singing. 

“Cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass. Waving through a window.” Gorgeous singing from a girl, it sounded like.

He glanced at the sign. He was the choreographer and would be credited on the playbill. That made him crew, right? Definitely. The man opened the door and stepped in while the singing continued. He quietly shut it as to not disturb them and looked around the room. Barren, blue walls with white tiles, but what brightened the room were the mannequins who were adorned with costumes and stray bits of fabrics and measuring tape. The front right corner of the room had two, wooden dividers -a dressing room of sorts. On the back wall was a desk with a sewing machine, a small set of speakers, a lamp, and rolls of silk, cotton, and literally every other type of cloth and to the right of it stood a sofa. On that wall were sketches and designs with precise measurements tacked in various places with a checklist close by. But sitting at the desk was a young woman with bright orange curls and a blue bandana wrapped around her head to prevent bangs from getting into her eyes. She wore a pink hoodie that practically swallowed her and white leggings; her shoes were no where to be seen. 

The man stood captivated by her movements. Her fingers flowed over the seams and checked, double checked, and triple checked the design next to her. She skillfully removed the pins she set into the cloth as she sewed it together while belting the climax of a piece from Dear Evan Hansen. He watched her pause as she held out the final note and rest her head on her palm.

A throat cleared. The seamstress jumped in shock and turned around. Her pale skin was burried under freckles, but amidst the mess of jumbled constellations on her skin were bright, teal eyes under round specs. Jingle bells spoke to him. “Can I help you?”

“Um, no,” one of his hands stuffed itself into the pocket of his sweatpants. “I just heard someone singing. I got curious. You sounded beautiful.” Nice introduction. Ten out of ten.

Her face flushed and she smiled. “Thank you, but I was just messing around. Keeping myself a little entertained while I work, you know?”

The choreographer nodded in understanding. “You make costumes.”

“And build the set with some outside help, of course. Did I get your measurements?” She swiftly turned her back to him and scuffled under the mess of thread, fabric, and papers, but came out with a clipboard. “I could’ve sworn I got everyone last week. What’s your name?”

“Oh, I’m not a cast member,” he said as he stepped closer to her and pushed the clipboard down. She looked up and he gazed into her orbs. “I’m Lie Ren, but just call me Ren. I’m the choreographer.”

She gave him a thousand kilowatt smile. “Nora Valkyrie. Pleased to meet you.” She held out a hand, her fingernails painted in pink and blue patterns. Her face scrunched in confusion. “I’ve done work for a lot of musicals, so I know a lot of people, but I’ve never worked with you. Is this you first show?

He smiled at her and nodded. "I’m a dance professor at one of the universities. I figured I’d try something a bit different.”

Nora smirked and grabbed her phone from behind the sewing machine. It still played showtunes that blared from the speakers it was connected to. Her fingers circled around the screen into some lock key that no one should be able to remember, let alone create, and handed him the phone. “Show me.”

~*~

Ren visited her workshop of headless mannequins and drapery everyday after practice for months. He occasionally joined her in building the set and he had the paint splatters on various pairs of sweats to prove it. Eventually, he’d decide to bring lunch from home so he could sit with her a touch longer before having to leave for his students. They had a set routine that never grew tiresome: he’d pop in while she was mid-song (she used to stop when he entered, but slowly got comfortable enough to sing louder when he came in), he’d sit on the sofa and watch her work, and they’d just talk. About what? It didn’t matter. Anything and everything. Sometimes he’d just sit and listen to her voice glide over the sweet melodies pouring from her speakers. Sometimes he’d join her on parts he knew she couldn’t sing at the same time as others. Other times, Ren would sit and watch her fingers coast the fabric and thread in her hands, no talking necessary, just the melodies of her voice gliding through the room.

It was easy to tell that the two admired one another. The fleeting glances, the eye contact that held many a conversation, hidden smiles, flushed cheeks, and lingering touches. They’d given away their obvious infatuation, yet the only ones in the dark were themselves.

Of course, the two had been teased by fellow crew members. Blake and Weiss, the acting and vocal coaches respectively, near threatened to write a poem and a song in his name. The makeup artist and hair stylist, Yang was very vocal and pushed Nora in his direction more than once before running off or placing mistletoes over them despite it being spring. Ruby, Oscar, Jaune, and Pyrrha, all of whom were lead cast members, took the sensible approach in trying to just get them to go on a date without any elaborate schemes. “Talk to him/her”, they said.

Yet, when the opportunity arose, neither took it. Both remained passive, close friends who admired one another from a distance. A rather close distance.

~*~

“Nora-”

“Ren-”

They paused and locked eyes before bursting into laughter. She looked away seeming almost apprehensive. “Go ahead. It wasn’t that important.”

Ren raised a brow at her. She’d been doing that a lot recently. Starting questions and never finishing them. She looked anxious. “Are you sure? It seems important.”

Nora flashed him a smile dimmer than the one he got from her earlier. “Nope. Ask away, Ren.”

He wouldn’t press her on it now, he decided. He had a slightly medium sized fish to fry. Well, it could be big, maybe. He’d been planning to ask for a few days now… so maybe a medium large fish? “Are you ever going to audition Anastasia? They’re supposed to start practice in November." 

That was not the question he meant to ask, in case anyone was curious. Apparently, his lips had other plans today.

She pursed her plump, rosy lips in thought. "Jaune asked me about that… Maybe. But probably not. The others are auditioning anyway. I think I really like my job. You know, behind the scenes stuff. Sounds cool and mysterious.”

Ren smiled softly and took her hand. “You should go for it anyway.” He’d ask her another time then.

~*~

The first show was hectic, but it went as smoothly as anyone expected it to. Nora mostly stayed backstage checking everyone’s costumes and patching any emergent tears. She didn’t get much of an opportunity to actually watch the show. She walked down the corridors to the costume studio to grab her things. A bouquet of moss rosebuds lay at the foot of her door with a long, folded pamphlet attached to it. She gingerly plucked them both from the ground and opened the pamphlet. It was a map of New York with the words “Does anybody have a map… to dinner?” in black scrawl. The woman laughed. Clearly her friends were up to something and, judging by the handwriting, Dear Evan Hansen joke, and the flowers, Yang and Blake were involved. In a smaller, loopy cursive, she saw “Meet me on stage.”

Nora glanced both ways down the hall, searching for prying eyes. She certainly didn’t feel any on her backside, but figured she’d check anyhow. Her sneakers began to squish against the tiled floor as she made her way back to the stage. The sight itself shocked and confused her, but it made her break into a smile and giggle.

The Tuck Everlasting set still stood proudly and the pink stage lights from Hairspray shined down on a table set for two with a large plate of spaghetti and meatballs. An exasperated Ren sat at the chair across from her behind what looked like a window in a striped shirt and a fake cast. The West Side Story soundtrack played from a stereo next to the table.

A voice loudly “whispered from the wings. "Ren, wave.”

He rolled his eyes and raised his casted arm to wave at her. She let out a full laugh. “For the record,” he started. “My idea didn’t have so many moving parts. I was gonna leave you flowers and a note. Then you’d meet me here, and we’d have pancakes, but everyone else had a different plan.”

Nora’s laughter died down and she sat in the empty chair. “Is this a date?”

“Well, it feels more like a date with our friends than each other. But yes, it is supposed to be a date.”

She bit her bottom lip and reached for his uncasted hand. “You can take me on another this weekend.” She saw his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “This is really cute, though. We’ve got a Tuck Everlasting set, Hairspray lights, West Side Story music, Lady and the Tramp dinner, and Dear Evan Hansen on you.”

Ren groaned and interlocked their fingers. He peered at her behind his shaggy bangs. Her smile alonewould power all of Manhattan for years. “Okay,” he conceded. “Maybe it isn’t terrible.”

A/N: First and foremost, huge thanks to @rwbywriter22 @scarlet-curls @flagbearer-or-scouts @claraowl even if I didn’t use all of your ideas directly or word for word, you really helped me get the creative (ish) juices flowing. I kid you not, I finished this 5 minutes before posting it because I didn’t know how to finish it until yesterday 😧. I obviously don’t own any shows that were mentioned. Um… I probably could’ve taken out that part before the end, but whatevs. I actually really enjoy this AU. Someone make a slow burn/slice of life series out of this *realizes who wrote it* I should make this a series *realizes that i have zero time* actually, a one shot is good.

[generallynerdy]

All I Ask of You (Bucky Barnes X Reader, TBT Special, Part 1)

Summary:  A Marvel High AU! Because that’s original! You, reader, have had a huge crush on Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, jock, since the day you met him. Your best friends, Natasha and Bucky, have tried to convince you, since that very day, that he isn’t who you think he is. In a stroke of luck, your crush, your best friend, and yourself end up cast as one of the most historic theater love triangles; Christine, The Phantom, and Raoul. Dealing with a bad past, living with your best friend, having to share a bed with said best friend, and also finding out a secret about the same friend that has to do with you were not on your list of ideal events this year.

Key: (Y/N)-your name

Today’s Playlist: Literally the entire Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack. But mostly the main theme, All I Ask of You, and Past the Point of No Return.

Cast: YOU! Bucky (James) Buchanan Barnes, Tony Stark, and basically every other MCU Avengers Character. (Note: I wrote this a long time ago, so some characters weren’t in the MCU at the time)

Warnings: Language, Extreme Overload of Theater Kid-ness, Bad Poetry

Status: Complete

Note: *Cringe* Okay so this was one of the first one-shots I EVER wrote, so I decided to post it as a Throwback Thursday type thing and I’m sort of regretting that. Screw it! Imma post it anyway.

    As a theater kid with singing abilities, it was my sworn duty to audition for my high school’s rendition of The Phantom of the Opera. What I didn’t expect was for both my crush and my best friend to audition as well. What was even more surprising was when we all landed the main roles.

    James was Raoul, Tony was Erik, and I landed Christine.

    This should be fun.

    I gasped as Nat pulled the cast list away from my face, smirking. “Congrats, (Y/N). Should be an interesting show.” I ripped the cast list from her hand and reread the list of characters multiple times as Nat’s expression only became smugger.

    “There is no way!” I looked at her for confirmation.

    “Yes, way.” Nat nodded. “You, the biggest playboy known to Marvel High, and your childhood best friend, who swore he couldn’t sing, by the way, landed the most historic love triangle in theater history.”

    “I wouldn’t say the most historic,” I mumbled under my breath.

    Nat ignored my comment, “Not to mention that the playboy just happens to be your crush of a few years, though I have no idea why.”

    “Natasha Romanoff,” I chided, “You have no right to judge my choice of men.”

    She gave me another smug look and raised her eyebrows, “No, but I can judge your choice of boy.”

    I found James right after school. He had been avoiding me all day, but I had my ways. Steve was quick to take my bribe.

    Steve blocked James from exiting out the back door of the school, where we usually left school together. I smirked to myself, knowing that if Nat were here she’d slap the back of James’ head for such a stupid move.

    “C’mon, Steve, please just let me out.” James groaned, begging.

    Steve shook his head loyally, arms crossed. “Sorry, Buck, you know I can’t do that.”

    James sighed, “What’s she giving you this time?”

    Steve glanced at his feet but didn’t reply. I took this as my cue and turned the corner into the hall. “Brownies.”

    James turned, frowning in defeat. Steve regained his confidence and relaxed a little, “You still need me, (Y/N)?”

    I smiled at him. “Nope. He should stick around now. Thanks for your help, Cap.” I used his schoolwide nickname and gave a little salute. As captain of the football (American, sadly), it was appropriate. He rolled his eyes and walked out.

    “So, Bucky-” I said dramatically, walking slowly toward my best friend. “Raoul, huh?”

    He sighed, “Uh huh…”

    I paused and we sat in silence. Then I burst out, ignoring my earlier decorum, “You should’ve told me!”

    He smiled, knowing that I wouldn’t be angry for long. “I’m not sorry. I don’t think I’m that great, anyway.”

    I scoffed, “Said every talented person ever.” He rubbed his neck self consciously until I grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him. Well, as best I could his strength. “SHOW ME!!”

    Bucky smiled devilishly, “You’ll have to wait ‘til practice.” He started toward the door.

    I frowned at the sing-song way he said it and followed him out the door, intending to continue bugging him about it. Unfortunately, the moment we stepped outside, Bucky broke into a run. I sighed and chased after him.

    We did this often as our sort of daily exercise, though Buck and I still ran with Steve and Sam sometimes. As football players, it was their duty. And me? I just don’t like being left behind.

    I was practically hopping up and down in my chair when the first practice began. I stopped when Tony walked in, though, because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.

    Our director split us up into three groups. About one-third of the cast, including Tony, hadn’t seen the movie and were sent to watch it. Another third had seen the movie but needed to refresh their memory of the songs. Bucky surprised me by being in the final group with me.

    Since our group was ready to begin practice, our director assigned us songs to work on. She wanted us to work on duet or group members since we had the whole cast today. Tony and the others I had numbers with hadn’t watched the movie yet, so I could only work with Bucky. I didn’t mind, though. In fact, I was ecstatic.

    “Sing! Sing! Sing!” I chanted, waltzing circles around Bucky in the practice room.

    He chuckled, “(Y/N), I don’t even know what to sing.”

    I scoffed, “Raoul only has a couple big numbers with Christine.” I pointed to myself. “How about we try All I Ask of You?”

    He blushed a little, “Really? The romantic one?”

    I rolled my eyes, “Wow, Buck. Can’t even pretend to be in love with your best friend.” I taunted his acting abilities, hoping that he would give in.

    “Fine.”

    I cheered and hugged him around the neck. After setting up our music on my phone (Bucky had a flip phone, the old soul), we prepared to sing.

    Bucky took a deep breath from where he stood, opposite me. “No more talk of darkness-” He blushed when he noticed my jaw drop. With that silky smooth voice, he should’ve been on Broadway by now. It took him a moment to get the right key and he didn’t sing very loudly, but it was still impressive.

    “Forget these wide-eyed fears-” I zoned out a little, listening to his voice and his verse passed quickly. “I’m here with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you.”

    I cleared my throat and began to sing. “Say you love me every waking moment-” Bucky smiled brightly at hearing my voice and I blushed deeply. He really knew had to make a girl feel great about herself.

    The song was over much faster than I wanted and Bucky had to go work on another number.

    I heard slow clapping behind me and turned to find Tony there. “Damn.”

    “H-How long have you-”

    He smiled, “Just caught the last verse. You have a pretty voice, (Y/N), is it?”

    I nodded, blushing. “T-Thanks.”

    “Actually, I’ve had my eye on you for a while now, weird as it sounds.” He said, causing my heart to skip a beat. “I was wondering if you want to hang out sometime?”

    My heart caught in my chest, “S-Sure!”

    Tony’s smile brightened, “Great!” He handed me a slip of paper with some digits on it. “Call me.”

    With that, he was gone. And I was dead.

    “HE WHAT?!”

    I giggled at Nat as she tripped in her ballet shoes after hearing my news. “He invited me to hang out with him.”

    “(Y/N), you can’t!” She exclaimed, standing once again.

    I put my hands on my hips, “And why not?”

    “Well for one,” Nat counted on her hand, “He’s sexist, a jerk, a playboy, and the only good things about him are his looks and money.”

    “You forgot the genius part, Nat,” I added, frustrated.

    She snorted, “Maybe in the classroom. He isn’t very street smart.”

    I sighed, “Nat, could you please be a little supportive?”

    “No! You’re going to get hurt, (Y/N), and as your friend, it’s my job to prevent that!”

    I clenched my fists. “I know what I’m doing, Nat! Stop trying to replace my mother!” I suddenly grew furious with her. Any other day I wouldn’t have been so upset.

    Nat’s expression immediately formed into sorrow and regret. “Shit, it’s today, isn’t it-? (Y/N)!”

    My vision grew clouded with angry tears as I stormed off, heaving my backpack onto my shoulder.

    I had stopped by the ballet/dance room to tell Nat what had happened and was now forced to walk the entire length of the school before leaving. This subjected me to inevitably pass every one of my friends.

    I first passed two of my teachers, Mr. Fury and Miss Hill. I noticed the latter look at me sympathetically while Fury kept a stoic expression.

    I then almost ran into Vision, who looked on confused. No one knew his real name. We just called him Vision because of his, and I quote, “insight into the vast world around us”.

    I stormed past the art room, barely giving Wanda any time to realize I was there. Bruce was too caught up in his work to notice me enter and leave the lab, where Tony would be if we hadn’t had practice today.

    Most of the guys were outside, in the exact direction I was leaving.

    Thor was on his way to football practice. “(Y/N)!” I ignored him. “Perhaps now is not a good time…” He mumbled to himself.

    Once outside, I passed T’challa and Scott Lang, who both looked confused, but decided not to pry.

    Pietro was running around the track before he noticed me and ran alongside me. “(Y/N), are you-?” He was cut off by a field goal who decided to sneak up on him.

    “(Y/N)!” I heard three voices call me. They had to be Bucky, Steve, and Sam. I was just as fast as them if I pushed myself, so I burst into a full-on sprint.

    I ignored Clint’s protest, then worry and confusion when he almost shot me with an arrow as I ran in front of his targets.

    I finally reached the school’s front gate and, instead of opening it like a normal person, hopped over it with little effort. Sam couldn’t jump the gate, so he would probably stop there while Buck and Steve continued. I continued my mad dash into the city and started to cross the street. Unfortunately, idiots weren’t rare on the roads.

    I stood like a deer in headlights as a black truck sped toward me. I thought for sure it was over until I was knocked to the side and the air from my lungs escaped me entirely. I felt myself land hard on the concrete. My ears rang and my head throbbed, but I managed to stand. Steve was rubbing his temples, kneeling near the ground where I had just been. I saw him and immediately began to run again. They couldn’t help me.

    I kept running as the noises and pain overwhelmed me. My ears rang, my head throbbed, and my entire right side cried out in pain. The engines and honking of the cars, the roar of voice, and basic sounds of the city contained my mind.

    I needed quiet. I need to think and I needed to breathe. I needed my mother.

    He found me under the cherry tree by the lake about 5 miles from the city. The plot of land belonged to my father. I hadn’t seen him for years and I didn’t care to either. I had always been afraid that he would come back to find me and haunt me. The last time he had been in the city was to bury my mother under the same cherry tree I sat below, 8 years ago to the day.

    Since then, I had been living in Bucky’s apartment. As long as he could remember, it had just been him. He had always survived on his own. My mother and I were some of the few people to help him along and Bucky felt it was his duty to return the favor.

    He approached silently and sat down next to me, criss-cross style. The only noise I heard from him was a quiet sigh as we gazed silently at the dead roses that drooped near the cherry tree’s trunk. They were the only marker of my mother’s existence besides myself and a couple old pictures. I had never changed out the roses. To be honest, it was a miracle they hadn’t blown away yet.

    We sat in silence for a few moments before Bucky put his hand on my knee calmly, which I could tell meant that he was there for me and he wanted to help. I gave in and hugged him, sniffling.

    “She’s just being careful, you know?” He sighed, “She’s just trying to take care of you.”

    I grunted.

    “Yeah, she could be more supportive, I agree, but you can’t blame her too much for taking care of you.”

    I sighed, exasperated.

    “She couldn’t have known it was today.”

    I was silent.

    “I know you’re sorry, (Y/N), but she doesn’t. Can you apologize to her? Please? That’s all I’m asking.”

    I whined a little, mumbling something.

    Bucky laughed, “Fine, home first. Nat second.”

    I smiled a little and he stood. Bucky always understood what I was trying to say, even if it wasn’t with words. He reached for my hand to help me up and I gladly took it.

    “C’mon, (Y/N). Let’s go home.”

    “Bucky?” I mumbled, turning from my side of the bed to face him.

    “Hm?” He murmured, eyes still closed and ignoring me from his side of the bed. Yes, we shared a bed. No, it was not romantic. It was completely platonic and friendly. As orphans, and two teens who couldn’t land great jobs because of our age, we didn’t have a lot of money for anything other than necessities.

We were working on getting two separate beds, but things had been slow since Bucky lost his job at Baskin Robbins when it closed down. I hadn’t held a job for months thanks to Bucky’s insisting he could handle the bills by himself, which was utterly ridiculous. So, I planned on putting out a job application to a couple places soon.

“Is Tony a jerk?” I asked, nervous about our ‘date’ the next day.

Bucky opened one eye, sighing. “(Y/N), do you think he’s a jerk?”

“No..?”

“Does he make you happy?”

“B-Buck!” I got a little embarrassed talking about it.

He rolled his now open eyes, “I’m not asking much, (Y/N), just that. Does he make you happy?”

“I-I guess so..I haven’t had enough interaction with him to tell, I think.” I answered slowly, trying to decipher my feelings.

“That’s all that matters,” Bucky said simply before sighing and closing his eyes again. “Now I want to sleep, (Y/N), so leave me alone.”

I scoffed, “You are such a grouch, Bucky.”

He grunted like an old man, “Yeah, you meddling kid, now get off my property!”

I burst into giggles and closed my eyes, too. “‘Night, Buck.”

“Sleep tight, (Y/N).”

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” I teased.

“That doesn’t work on me anymore. I’m not eight.”

“Aww, dang it.”

So Tony and I went on our date and had an amazing time- beyond amazing. We went out a couple times after that, thus becoming what we teens like to call ‘a thing’. At least I think that’s what we’re calling it still? I dunno, it changes all the time. I guess you could say he was my bae if you really want to call your significant other crap in Danish.

Natasha tried to convince me that he was an asshole, constantly piling recordings and quotes onto my desk at school. Bucky, however much he despised Tony Stark, was respectful and gave me my own space.

“How can you just sit while she gets hurt?!” Nat yelled at him furiously.

Bucky put a hand on her shoulder to stop her pacing and freaking out, “Nat, chill. He hasn’t hurt her yet.”

“Yet!” Nat exclaimed, “But we both know he will, James Buchanan Barnes!”

He rolled his eyes, “She’s capable of taking care of herself, Nat. If things get bad, she’ll get herself out. As friends, we’ll get her out of trouble when she needs it, but it isn’t our place to tell her who she should and shouldn’t date. Besides, we shouldn’t assume he’s going to hurt her just because he’s... imperfect. No one is perfect, you know.”

Nat scoffed, “You really want to bring him down, don’t you.”

Bucky glanced around the room as if looking for someone, then sighed. “Fine, yes.”

Nat smiled devilishly, “Got a plan, lover boy?”

“L-Lover boy?” He stammered, “Where did that come from?”

“I think you know.” She said, before clearing her throat. “Anyway, plan?”

Bucky sighed, “Just gather all the evidence you’ve got and wait awhile until he...makes a dumb move. Then I’ll tell you what to do.”

“So in other words, wait ‘til she catches him making out with some other girl?”

Note:

I’m not sure when I’ll post Part 2, probably the next time I get a Thursday post. If everything turns out right, that should be not next week, but the week after. Anyway, thanks for reading!

Part 2 is here!!

Requests are always open!

[entertainmentnewsblogworld]

DR SOMA GHOSH PADMA SHREE VOCALIST- BENARAS GHARANA IS THE MOST TALENTED SINGER OF THE TIME

New Post has been published on http://www.starland.xyz/2019/12/04/dr-soma-ghosh-padma-shree-vocalist-benaras-gharana-is-the-most-talented-singer-of-the-time/

DR SOMA GHOSH PADMA SHREE VOCALIST- BENARAS GHARANA IS THE MOST TALENTED SINGER OF THE TIME

Interviewer:

 How did music come your way Soma Ghosh ji ?

I inherited music from my mother, Smt. Archana Chakravarty a vocalist of Senia gharana and my first guru. Even while in her womb, I would rest happily if she sang! As a small child I would play, but would run to her lap as soon as she started teaching her students. At the small age of 4 yrs, she heard me sing and thereafter started training me. This started my musical journey!

Shehnai Samrat Bismillah Khan ji was your mentor, any unforgettable memory that you would like to share with us?

Bharat Ratna Ustad Bismillah Khan was not my “guru” but definitely my mentor… he was like the Goldsmith who cut the raw diamond out and presented me to the world. He encouraged and gave me the wings to fearlessly fly in the musical horizon!! So many memories with him… the best I may say is his ‘manglorie black topiee’ that he wore for our first jugalbandi. He said, “Duniya ko Mai kaise kahun ki hum kitne khus hai … Mera manglorie topi, Jo Mai apni jawani mein pahenta tha, kahegi ki Mai Dil se yeh jugalbandi Kar Raha Hoon”

When he came to the auditorium for the jugalbandi, he was wearing his usual Gandhi topi… My heart sank on seeing the white topi. I bowed and touched his feet to take his blessings before the show. As I looked up, he was wearing the Black manglorie topi. My heart sang and all fear left me. He said, ” Tum Sher ki tarha gao, Mai tumhare piche piche rahunga!!”

Such was his greatness!

         Tell us about your journey from learning music to getting title as Gandharva Kokila.

I have learned Hindustani classical music from 4 gurus. Smt. Archana Chakravarty, Shri Narayan Chakravarty,(both of Senia gharana) Shri Chittaranjan Jyotishi ji of Gwalior gharana and Smt. Bageshwari Devi of Banaras gharana. After my marriage, when I settled in Mumbai, I met Ustad Bismillah Khan sahab. And I overnight became what I am.

Baba…I mean Ust. Bismillah Khan, gave me the title of ‘Kashi Kokila’ at the Swarangana Sangeet Sammelan. But, during a concert for the Mumbai Rotary club, Vipin Reshamiya, the famous musician and also the father of music director, Himesh Reshamiya, gave me the title of ‘Gandharva Kokila’ – This helped me culminate into what I am today and the name stuck ever since.

 Who has influenced you the most in Sangeet gharanas.

Every Gharana has its strong points. I got musical depth & flight of imagination from Senia gharana. From Gwalior gharana I got emotional rendering in my singing and Banaras gharana rounded up my entire musical upbringing. I must say that I got the best from all the three Gharanas!

Tell us about your Parampara concerts to help conserve the Indian culture through music. How did you develop this concept?

Naushad Ali, the legendary music director and Ust. Bismillah Khan were discussing the dire condition of Indian musical instruments, many of which were becoming endangered. Naushad ji, entrusted me with the great responsibility of trying to save these endangered instruments… This started my Prampara series. The then President, Hon Dr. A.P.J.A. Kalam strongly supported me in this noble cause, and came for the inauguration of my first 3 day music festival.

 Tell us your voyage with Bhavanjali ?

After my training had reached a certain level, Guru Pt. Chittaranjan Jyotishi, inspired few of us to start performing before an audience. For this purpose, we formed Bhavanjali, a musical platform for all of us. Our first song & dance drama ran in to financial problem and taught us the importance of marketing. We learned the harsher realities of life. But thanks to my elder brother, Shri Amitabh Chakravarty, and our grit, we managed to keep Bhavanjali going for a few years. But after a few years, I got married and then had to shift to Mumbai.

You mesmerized your audiences with pliable voice that enables you to take the Taar Saptak without a falsetto note, how much did you have to practice to achieve this?

‘Taar saptak’ is a very beautiful note that can be achieved only after dedicated practice over years. My mother and her guru-bhai, Shri Narayan Chakravarty, made me practice this  for years.

Why music should be compulsory in every school? And could you tell us about your efforts in helping Indian classical music reach to maximum number of students and the younger generation.

According to APJ Abdul Kalam Sahab, without music, humans are no different than animals, and I wholeheartedly agree. It is our culture that separates us. Music has a great de-stressing effect on humans. Kids today lead very stressful lives, competition is increasing and their lifestyles are getting more and more hectic, but their increasing dependence on fast rhythmic western music keeps them perpetually excited- on the other hand, singing and practicing Indian classical music is a form of yoga, the breathing techniques and vibrations help calm you and make you healthier. Earlier in our school days, we used to have several extra-curricular activity classes in which we had poetry, song dance & dramas. Gradually these classes vanished from the curriculum and students were burdened with only heavy studies. This has to change.

I then undertook several performances across Uttar Pradesh through Spick Macay and reached Ragadari singing to the students. Through my  travels, I realized that Folk music across North India was now skewed, bordering on double meaning vulgarity! This pushed me to approach the Ministry of Culture with a project on Indian folk music and spreading awareness about it in several schools and colleges. The Ministry welcomed my proposal and I started reaching out to the students. I performed in major States and invited singers and dancers from adjoining States. The students loved each performance, their vehement appreciation was evident when the students at each school then performed an impromptu folk dance recital!!

I am truly grateful that God has given me the means & opportunity to serve the cause of Indian music, especially folk music, in which the roots of classical music lies. I am very glad that the Education Ministry has woken up and trying to re-induct such extracurricular classes that de-stresses the students and imbibes our cultural heritage in them.

You have launched many music albums, which one is your own favorite and why?

You might have noticed that I first try to steep myself in a particular form of music that I plan to record and then done my recordings. When I was steeped only in Raagdari, I sang in duet with Bharat Ratna Ustad Bismillah Khan and there are two very popular albums with Times Music. Some beautiful solo renderings of Ragas on HMV.

Then came a phase of folk music. I recorded several Thumri, Hori & Kajari albums.

Naushadji had made me promise that my next project should be focused on Ghazal. “Aap je gayeki mein Maine Begum ki rooh payi hai Somaji. Aap Ghazal jaroor gayein!” But I had to take my time and imbibe and perfect the finer nuances of Ghazal gayeki before I could record myself. As I was recording my first Ghazal album ‘Ishq’, I was heartbroken to learn that Naushad ji had passed away. The album went on to gain tremendous popularity and I dedicated the album to him.

Simultaneously, several religious channels approached me to sing Bhajans for them. Sanskar channel regularly broadcasts my Bhajans and Sanskrit sloka albums. I feel immensely indebted to my listeners when I find that most of my albums are at the top of the charts in each genre.

When can we see you as playback singer for Bollywood films?When I was steeped in Indian Classical music, my friend, Himesh Reshammiya, had asked me to sing several of his compositions. Then, I was at a stage in my career that prevented me from branching out of classical music. But I did sing one song for his movie ‘Kuch Meetha Ho Jaye’, which had Thumri ang rendering in the song. But now I’m at that point where I’ve established my classical ground and I’m very open to film music, if it fits my music profile & my taste.

Apart from music, if given a chance will you ever join politics?

I will do whatever it takes to make sure that Indian music is saved (preserved & propagated) in it’s full glory. For that if I have to join politics – so be it!

What is your plan for the future?

I was entrusted by Baba, Ust Bismillah Khan Sahab and Naushad ji with the responsibility of creating a ‘Sangeet Gram’- a gurukul that adheres to the traditional Guru Shishya parampara of imparting education in music, where a Guru teaches aspiring students whilst also saving endangered instruments and gharana traditions- be it instrumental, vocal, or dance- both folk and classical. We will audio and video record the masters for our archives for future reference for the generations to come, so the art form survives. We have already equipped ourselves with a recording studio with video cameras for the same. If all goes well, we will be starting Sangeet Gram by this time next year.

What is your message to our readers?

I wholeheartedly believe in the therapeutic effects of Indian classical music. In fact, after Chota Khayal, I researched on the psychosomatic effects of music on human beings. My request to the readers is to make music a part of lives, to listen to music when they can, and to live healthily!!

This reminds me of something that happened recently. After a concert at NCPA last year, a man came forward to speak to me. He told me he was a Commander in the Naval forces. He was stationed in a submarine and had suffered a stroke that paralysed him. He then found solace in Ras Barse, a live recording of my jugalbandi with Baba, Bismillah Khan Sahab. He listened to it every day for 7 years and recovered without any surgical intervention. He found strength in it to get better, to overcome his illness. He is now hale and hearty, and continues to serve the country.

Another thing I want to tell my readers is that folk music, our Lok Sangeet, has in it the roots of all forms of Indian classical music. It is fluid and ever evolving, accompanying every aspect of our lives, being equally bonded to our cultural heritage.

However, I find it alarming that this very folk music as a part of movies, the largest way of reaching the masses in my honest opinion, is losing its essence, it’s lyrics are bordering on being vulgar. These ‘item songs’ are warping our perception, moving us away from how we need to perceive women, taking us away from an ideal society. If we lose our moorings, we lose who we are. As I traveled across India for the ‘Bharatiya Lok Sangeet’ series, I targeted schools and colleges and interacted with thousands of students, so that I could present to them folk music that not only entertains but also educates- it makes us better humans. It brought me immense gratification to note that they not only appreciate our heritage, but also want to learn more about it. They just need to be exposed to it, and that responsibility falls on us.

How did you feel after getting the Padma Shri award?

In the beginning, I was just happy… But gradually I understood that I have added responsibilities. I have to work harder to save our Musical/Cultural heritage and also save the endangered musical instruments of my country. This a never-ending task as our senior gurus are all getting older. In fact, we have now to take urgent care of our Gurus in order to save our heritage.

[alisteningjournal]

I.

Last week, on the suggestion of a journalist from Australia, I listened to “The Radicalisation of D” while having breakfast one morning.

This track is haunting–– I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since, and have listened far more times than (strikes me as) healthy. It is the blackest shade of black; a modern day horror story or an episode of The Twilight Zone without any punchline. At sixteen minutes, it’s offensively long for a song that’s a few notes and chords that alternate back and forth, performed only by a guy and a guitar.

Guy + guitar is the most elemental form of our conception of popular music. There are, when you think about it, really only two modes of musical performance: times when there is a central performer, and times when there isn’t. Pop music is (mostly) the former.  Instrumental music: jazz, jam bands, post-rock, string bands, orchestras (in other words, niche genres that appeal at their core to other musicians) are the latter. (We’ll ignore electronic music today, which seeks a third place, where the music comes from no one and nowhere, but often just ends up hovering between points Y and Z).

The point being that in popular music there’s always a story, because at the center of what you’re consuming is a singular person. Whether the story is true or not, is connected to that person or not, it exists, because that person is opening their mouth and using language. Language creates images. We attach ourselves to the images in order to make sense of our lives.

The guitar remains static throughout the piece. It seriously doesn’t change at all. Maybe at some points Liddiard strikes it a little harder, plucks with more vigor, but ultimately, the music is not the driving force here. Intonation and storytelling are essentially the main focus of “The Radicalisation of D,” like the rest of Strange Tourist. The intonation is one long rise, from a soft, almost spoken monologue to the very last verse, where Liddiard is howling so hard that you can barely make out what he’s saying through his West Australian accent.

The words meanwhile are the hook, snaking back and forth through ominous images that squirm with tension one moment and then seem to release a second later, only to come alive again in the next line. This excerpt from the end of the first verse, when D is a young boy, is a good example:  

They find some car keys, Go outside and search a V8 car And there's a Beta tape in a brown paper bag, Hid under a seat, Hit play on the VCR machine And start to hear flute music Now there's two girls on a farm somewhere, Playing with a labrador Which rolls onto its back, like it has Been through this before and It's the last time D hears flute music, The last time he thinks about girls He sneaks home about 10 o'clock Gets inside using the dog door

In one memorable moment, D finds a King Kong doll on the side of the road after he gets sent home from school for throwing rocks at a girl he likes. He picked it up, and “it roars ants when he shakes it,” so he throws it out.

The arc of the song is a progression on this theme. Think of the opening scene of Blue Velvet, after Jeffrey’s father collapses on the front lawn, when the camera zooms into a nest of insects swarming in the grass. The repeated message that Liddiard hammers home is “there is a sickness underlying everything,” from ants and tape worms to institutionalized racism.

II.

On April 16, 2013, I took the subway into downtown Boston. The green line was closed beyond Hynes Convention Center, so I got out and walked along Newbury Street. The barricades that had been erected along Boylston Street for the marathon were still there. Police in neon yellow jackets milled around behind each one.

I had attended college in downtown Boston for four years and a month before graduation, someone bombed the city’s banner event. I already felt like the world was ending; this didn’t help. Though I had recovered from the depression that had plagued me for much of 2012, I was burning out hard as the end of my formal schooling approached. I’d given everything I had for twenty-two years. I needed to rest.

As I approached the Common, I saw the news crews. They had set up along the entrance to the Public Garden on Boylston Street, trying to get a tiny sliver of the distant Copley Plaza, where the bombing occurred, into the frame. 

I was a journalism student. I’d come downtown to find some kind of work to do, to be useful. I went to the college radio station. My friend Henry was there, along with the new director he’d begun a fling with several weeks earlier. She was tense, maybe because she was trying to produce news breaks under pressure, maybe  because she was trying to produce news breaks under pressure with Henry lounging around, or maybe because the city where we lived had been bombed less than a day before.

She and Henry were talking about what the tape they’d managed to get. They were juniors, still a year from graduation, and I felt like there was something vaguely unrealistic about the way they talked about it, like this was another assignment they were trying to score highly on.

I knew right then that I wasn’t going to be able to do anything. I can’t remember if I said much of anything, but I know I didn’t stay long. After I left, I walked up Huntington Avenue to avoid the news crews. When I’d reached the other end of reflection pool outside at the Christian Science center and I sat on a grassy strip that looks out onto Massachusetts Avenue and began to cry. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing anymore. I was horrified by everything that was happening. Five months earlier, I’d sat in the same newsroom while news broke about the massacre at Sandy Hook; five months before that, the Aurora Theater massacre. Without noticing, life had become a bloodbath broken only by long stints of sleepiness in which I was absorbed into other things.

The morning of the bombing, Sheep had slept over. When we woke up, we watched five minutes of the marathon and then disconnected the Internet, declaring it “for losers.” She worked on a school project; I washed the back deck. It was spring time, we had each other. No matter how scary the future seemed, at least we had each other.

Then, the panicked calls from friends and families. We plugged the router back in. We sat there on my futon just going over update after update, unable to turn away. Sheep asked if it was a terrorist attack and I said, “don’t say that, we don’t know yet.” I saw a picture of a man in a wheelchair with the bottom part of his legs blown off–– just sticks of bone where his calves should be–– looking dazed like I felt, like I would feel for the rest of the week.

There’s a moment from the “The Radicalisation of D” that clicked with this period this morning. After D is expelled from school, a man steals an APC and drives through the streets of Perth.

Channel 7 gets the scoop again, There's a man gone crazy He stole an APC from the army base And closed down half the city D's been expelled from school and he's quite happy Staying in bed He keeps track of all the updates, Surfing networks instead This tank arrives at police HQ about 8am It makes pancakes out of 5 or 6 patrol cars and then Runs out of diesel near a Castrol service station And there's a standoff Then he's teargassed and Not heard of again

The end of that week, while Dzhokar Tsarnaev was hiding in a boat in a backyard Watertown three miles from my apartment and waiting to die, I was awake from two in the morning until they arrested him at six that night, following EVERY SINGLE UPDATE on my laptop. At a certain point, the reputable outlets couldn’t keep up with my voracious need for information so I began to look at Reddit, where people were throwing around possibilities about what was going on, armchair investigators had their scanners tuned to police bands, and everyone was engaged in an act of digital nail biting.

I wonder now how I can square this person addicted to the violence with the person I was earlier in the week, a journalism student who felt to fragile to be a journalist. Without a doubt, that week affected my course in the last four years. I haven’t found a real journalism job since.

III.

When I first heard “The Radicalisation of D,” I was reminded of the song “Oh Comely” by Neutral Milk Hotel. “Oh Comely” is also just a guy and a guitar. (There some horns at the end, but ignore that for a second.)

In the 33 1/3 for In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, Kim Cooper recounts the recording of that song, which was just Jeff Mangum  alone on a stool with an acoustic guitar. The rest of the band, along with everyone else in Rob Schneider’s house, had been crammed into the console room and watched him––improbably–– lay out the whole fucking song in a single take. Cooper points out, and I’ve confirmed, that at the end of the song Neutral Milk Hotel horny player Scott Spillane can be heard in the background shouting “HO-LEE SHIT!”

When I first began learning guitar, I would practice with songs I knew that were two or three chords, like “Oh Comely.” I never managed to pull that song off in front of anyone because there’s a ferocity to singing it. You can’t do it while trying to imitate Mangum’s intonation. You have to feel out the expression of each syllable and make it into your own.

I have not tried to play “Radicalisation of D” but I can tell that it’s a similar challenge, complicated by Liddiard’s thick West Australian accent that renders words in a warped, chilling, shivers-down-my-spine sound. In that very last verse, when Liddiard let’s out a heavy “Cliff has a beautiful WYYY-FFFFE” it’s with the intensity of Jeff Mangum singing “We know who our enem-eeeees AAAAAARRRRRR.”

It’s also in moments of restraint: “be proud of me my son, ‘cause I am finally off the fags,” “something inside D finds all this very, very strange,” “he’s got pictures of Adolf Hitler, antique copies of Mein Kampf,”  “he finds five Valium in a Winfield pack, in a duffel bag in the hall.”

The theme of the repulsive darkness, or the ugliness, underlying contemporary society is not new: alienation is one of, if not the, defining them of Modernism and its subsequent movements. What strikes me about “The Radicalisation of D” is that it is a story about how a person becomes aware of that lurking sickness within all things, and the life he lives as a result of it is off-screen, written in the history of the guy with the guitar.

Most of the scenes in the song, the severed Kangaroo leg, the doll roaring with ants, the bestiality tape, the old black alcoholics in the park, even Werner the Jew Burner, are taken from Liddiard’s life and reconfigured with an eye towards understanding a person like David Hicks, an Australian citizen arrested and imprisoned as an enemy combatant in Guantanamo Bay. 

The depressing series of unfortunate events that make up D’s life are the radicalization, and the songs final image, of the burning twin towers seen on television, is the catalyzing moment.

It may have been the catalyzing moment for me, as well. Before the Boston Marathon Bombing, the only other terrorist attack that even pinged my radar was 9/11. That day, we were called into the cafeteria of my school before recess and told that a plane had struck the Twin Towers in Manhattan.

“But,” the principal said, “no one’s sure just yet if there’s been an attack, it might just be an accident.”

At lunch that day Henry (a different Henry), said when I asked why kids were being taken out of school that day, “because parents are worried that the school might be a target.”

My own father didn’t pick me up until after the school day ended. I went home and sat in the TV room on the white couch, watching CNN for what felt like the first time. There were the images we were all familiar with of greasy black smoke billowing out of buildings, matched with new names like “Al-Qaeda” and “Osama bin Laden.” I see myself as though I were outside of my body at the time, not in it: I’m laying on my stomach, my mouth twisted into the sad grimace that Sheep knew how to defuse so well with her intimacy. But this was nearly a decade before I’d meet Sheep.

My dad came into the TV room: “Everything ok Till?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“I understand it’s upsetting.”

I don’t remember much more comfort than that. I’ve never known how to express my emotions.

America talks about that day as the end of an era where everything felt safe. I don’t know if I see it that way. I still felt safe, certainly, for most of my adolescence, or at least I remember a feeling of safety...

But I also feel just barely conscious of a kind of dark, horrible life hiding in the world around the safer, more comfortable one that I have lived in. Were it not for a supportive family I myself might be living a very different life at this very moment. There are people like D alive this very moment, people who walk the edges of our comfortable world and can see its sickness. Yes, they are depressed, but they are depressed because they see all the darkness, and none of the light that comes from human relations.

I think that I’ve been so stuck on “The Radicalisation of D” for the last week because it’s where I’m at right now. I feel vulnerable. And when I’ve felt vulnerable in the past, I too have wondered if there isn’t someway to feel less vulnerable by transmuting it into righteous fury. One of the few write-ups that exist for this song posits that it, “dares to suggest that [people drawn to terrorism] might be right.” But no, that’s not wholly correct. That’s the marxist filter looking a capitalism and saying, “you did this, you made us this way.”

Gareth Liddiard is not so politically ideological, at least not in “The Radicalisation of D.” As he repeats throughout the song, “you are living in a nightmare that you can’t bribe your way out of.” I keep returning to that line when my mind is at rest, whenever I’m feeling particularly harried. No, I’m not going to spend my way out of the rut int dirt that puts me up close and personal with the disgusting looking things underneath every day life. But how?

The answer to this question seems to be in who you surround yourself with. D himself has no one; emotionally stunted and abused, the only friends he seems to feel uncomplicated about are the alcoholics in the park.

But look at who D is now: he is Liddiard. A man who, while I can’t fully judge his happiness from knowing so little about him, seems to have a stable life. A girlfriend he loves. Work that allows him to explore the darker things that trouble him in a (what strikes me as) healthy way. I always fall back to something that John Darnielle (yet another guy with a guitar) once said, or quoted: “we don’t write to remember, but to forget.”

For more information on the content of “The Radicalisation of D,” refer to this line by line breakdown by Gareth Liddiard (via the Wayback machine).