#and i was like oh shit because the songs i had in mind were slow-ish. so i had to change my song

[whipped-for-fictionals]

going to be singing in our school's talent showcase tomorrow!! i'm so so excited, i chose the best song to sing as my final tribute to the school

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

Cry, I will love you, love you, love you

★ Chapter 13 of 15, 3498 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: angst, descriptions of grief and depression

<< 12

18 September, 2019

Matty was right. Everything was okay. Until it wasn’t, and Este got the call.

She dropped everything to catch a plane to London. A train would be too slow. She had to be with her family. The two weeks she spent there felt like some of the longest weeks of her life.

There wasn’t a moment that the universe let her mind rest—it was a constant buzz of anger, sadness, release. She was mad that bad things happened to good people. Sad that there was so little time left. And eventually, two Mondays later, it happened. Este thought that when it did, her emotions would peak and then she’d be on the comedown—slowly, she guessed. But it wasn’t. Every day felt like the worst of what was to come. And the worst kept coming.

The clothes draped on her body remained the same for too long. Even their musty stench that grew as time passed couldn’t inspire her to change, so Cate had to force her out of them. She’d been helpful through those horrid weeks, constantly checking up on her best friend, even coming down to London a couple of times to take Este’s mind off of things and attempt to bring her back down to earth.

Two days after the dreaded Monday, they came back home to Manchester to grab some more of their things. Enough to last them through the weekend and however long Este felt she would need to stay. Work was a worry, but it didn’t matter to her as much as it probably should have.

After helping her flatmate pack another bag and essentially petting her head to sleep, Cate considered how intensely Este’s life had been put on hold to make room for her grief. There was no time to make new memories when she was all consumed with trying to cling to the ones with Florencia. Este was terrified of the reality that one day she’d struggle to remember them as brightly as they once were.

Cate thought about the increasing number displayed in the red notification bubble at the corner of her Messages app, and the people waiting to hear from her. The plans Este must have had, and their inevitable rain-checks. That’s when Matty came to mind. She decided that sending him a text would aid in planning their accommodations back in London, in case of some small chance that he’d have time to be there for the rites.

Matty Healy (famous)

Yesterday at 20:50 PM

hey. i thought i’d let you know that the funeral is on saturday morning. wasn’t sure if este invited you out but i know she’d want you there

i also have no idea where in the world you even are rn

so if you can’t make it then don’t worry

Today at 06:04 AM

Funeral????

I haven’t heard from her since this past Saturday

What’s going on

oh my god. she didn’t tell you

i’m so sorry you had to find out this way and that it isn’t coming from este but her nan passed away on monday.

Shit

I don’t know what to say, I’m so sorry

Can I ask what happened?

she’s been in remission for a couple of years, but in mid august ish she got super sick again. everything happened really fast and there weren’t any treatment options.

so at the beginning of september este went down to stay with josé in the house. the whole family went. they at least got to be with each other for her last couple of weeks

Is she still there in London or are u guys in Manchester

she just arrived back to the flat to pick up more of her stuff and figure out her leave from work and stuff with sam

we’re staying the night but heading back tomorrow. wake is on friday morning and the funeral the next day

Was just trying to figure out if somehow I could make it but I’m in Auckland

Would take days on a plane and we have a bunch of Australian shows coming up

I don’t think theres a way

it’s ok matty. she’ll understand

sorry for loading this all on you out of nowhere

No, thank you for telling me

Please let me know if there’s something I can do. Even from all the way out here

Anything

Today at 11:29 AM

i will

but also, just as a heads up, este really is not in a good place. she’s in good hands, so you dont have to worry or anything, but maybe just wait for her to reach out first before saying anything. hopefully you can understand why i ask that of you

hope your shows in australia go well x

Of course I understand x

Thank you Cate

Matty’s heart broke for Este and her family when he read the texts sitting in his notifications after his long plane journey out to New Zealand. In the car ride over to the hotel, Hann took note of how unusually his mouth was pressed into a flat line as he furiously typed away on his phone, eventually asking him what was up.

“Cate’s just told me that Este’s nan just passed.” he explained, “She was just super vague at the start about a funeral and I haven’t heard from Este at all, so I panicked,”

“Did you think she was inviting you to Este’s funeral?”

“Dunno, really. ‘Funeral’ is just a scary word.” Matty continued typing as Cate’s responses came through.

“Shit. Sorry, mate.” said George, giving his condolences. “How old was she?”

“75. Cate’s saying it was cancer.” As he read more texts, the further it was explained.

“The nan with the gallbladder?” Ross asked, a contained amusement sitting on his face as he brought up the story he shared when the guys had first met Este and Cate.

Matty threw him a grimace. “Yes, Ross. I’m sure she had a gallbladder. But if you mean the one who was my nurse after I got mine removed, then also yes.” Despite how inappropriate his joke seemed, Matty was glad the mood lifted when it gained a couple bittersweet chuckles from the rest of the guys. “Este never told me about any of it, so I’m just a bit shocked,”

He’d been frozen with grief before, so he didn’t blame her for not saying anything. Letting her heal was necessary—and his feelings couldn’t matter less in this situation. Plus, the idea of sending a message was too scary. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, or want to overstep. So Cate suggesting he let Este come to him first helped him with the internal dilemma.

She almost regretted reaching out to Matty after discovering that Este hadn’t told him about Florencia. It felt like crossing a boundary; like something that should have been shared on her accord instead of by her best friend over text. To clear her conscience, Cate confessed what she had done as they sat on the train back to London the next day.

“Hey,” she started, to break the silence and grab Este’s attention. Her sad eyes looked up to acknowledge the conversation and her curious eyebrows raised.

“Yesterday I was thinking about where I’d be staying this weekend and if there would be enough room at your grandparents’ house. Which I know you said there would be—but it just had me thinking about everyone who may need accommodations for coming in from out of town—and I thought of Matty. Which in retrospect, was stupid in the first place, since his literal house is in London. Impulsively I just sent him a text without even asking you first, and I feel really guilty for intruding, especially since he let me know that you hadn’t told him or anything. So I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking in the moment, I just—“

A reassuring and gentle hand was felt on Cate’s forearm. It was Este’s, as if to say, ‘It’s okay’. She gave a soft smile and Cate showed one similarly, still holding her breath from the anticipation of what reaction the fact she revealed may conjure.

All she did was swipe away Cate’s auburn hair before leaning her head on her shoulder—where the hair once sat—so that the weight wouldn’t pull on it, sighing quietly. Este didn’t feel strongly about anything at that moment, letting the clunky sounds of the train and the presence of her best friend envelop her numbness.

It wasn’t an active decision to keep Matty uninformed. It was probably due to her refusing to believe it would ever come to the point of relevance. That if she didn’t admit that Florencia was sick again, then the gut-wrenching inevitability couldn’t be real life. And once it was—as much as Este craved the comfort she knew he’d provide her—she couldn’t be rational. It was an all-consuming paralysis.

The air in the house was heavy. Endless paperwork screamed for attention from the dining room table, so her parents and granddad were busy dealing with that; not saying much to the two girls as they entered. A touch on the small of Este’s back was given by José, who didn’t usually use his words to show his love for her anyway. The warmth from where his hand brushed against her lingered for a couple of long seconds.

Before Cate and Este reached the spare room they’d be sharing for the weekend, her mother stopped them.

“You should look at the flowers on the counter, E. They’re beautiful.” said Percy.

Setting her bags down, Este agreed and stepped back out to the kitchen. The bouquet that came into her view was huge. They had received flowers from a couple of people since Monday, mostly dainty and affordable and easy to look at. But this one took her by surprise; its full shape made up of the most colourful foliage she could imagine. Her Lola would have loved it.

You could sense Florencia’s kookiness from the loud and maximalist decor throughout her house. Este acquired the hoarding habits from her. She could recall a couple of times her nan commented on how boring she found pre-made bunches from the supermarket, and how she wished she could combine every different type of bouquet to have one that actually interested her. If someone told Este that her grandmother picked the flowers sitting on the counter in front of her, she’d believe them.

“Wow, they are beautiful.” She mumbled, about to ask her family if they knew who had sent them.

But, a note card stuck out of the top. Este flipped it open.

‘For Este-

Life is just as precious and beautiful as it is unfair. I am so sorry it has been unfair to you. I feel both lucky to have even briefly known Florencia, and also terrible that I can’t be there to support you. Thinking of your family always.

All my love

Matty x’

Her shaky hand grabbed the card and slipped it into the pocket of her sweats for safekeeping—her question now answered. One day she would be able to accept how thoughtful his words were, and even send him a message to say thank you. But that day wasn’t today.

-

23 September, 2019

Sam knew he had to hire another employee at Greenhouse to make up for Este’s absences.

Over the years, there had been many occasions where time off was needed by either her or Oliver or even the owner himself; so there were a few solutions they’d usually jump to. A couple of close friends of the store had been kept on the store’s payroll to jump in when needed. But, Sam had a feeling that he’d be in need of something more. Meeting Este when she was a mere nineteen years old, he was aware of the tightly knit family she possessed—and he had never seen her in the state she was in now. This was clearly world-shifting for her.

She tried to insist on coming back to work that Monday morning, only a week to the day of her grandmother’s passing. Sam could hear the quiet quiver in her voice when they spoke on the phone, already in the process of sorting through CVs and inviting potential hires for interviews. Not with the intent to replace Este, but to ensure she could take the full time she needed off without the pressure of letting the business down. Of course, he refused to make her travel all the way back to Manchester and firmly encouraged her to stay with her family for as long as she wished to.

So, Este stayed in London—for much longer than she expected to. Weeks went by and she was still there. Her mum and dad were forced to leave not long after the weekend of the funeral; on account of some dodgy conversation with their bosses about time off. It didn’t feel right to leave José alone in the house. Este felt his sorrow through their silence. They slept under the same roof every night, both shutting their eyes to be able to see the sparkling memories of Florencia that were painted on the inside of their eyelids.

She did a lot of sleeping, for that very reason. And randomly got really good at Scrabble. Her and her granddad had played a couple of times which sparked her interest, but it soon spiralled into Este playing against computers through an app on her phone for most hours of the day. She thought to herself, After this game I’ll get up and do something else. But she never got up and she never did anything else.

Her vocabulary expanded. Este even considered ordering a Scrabble dictionary off of Amazon. She paid for Prime, so it could even come tomorrow. It’s okay, she reassured, It’ll wear off. I won’t sit here and play Scrabble until the end of time.

But what if I do? she feared.

-

Percy came to visit quite frequently. To both make sure her father and daughter were holding up, all alone in London, and to feel closer to Florencia. The house still smelled like her. Sometimes, she’d have to remind Este to go out and buy groceries after seeing that they were running low; or convince José to pay his bills on time. He had a hard time remembering what day it was.

She brought Dano with her whenever she was over. It helped spike Este’s mood, though temporarily. Her voice would reach its excited high pitch when she heard his paws tap on the hardwood floor and shower him in the only love she had left in her.

Este liked letting her family’s golden retriever up onto her bed, even though the fur that he left behind sometimes made her sneeze in the middle of the night. She liked how warm he was and that the in-and-out of his breathing helped punctuate her thoughts.

One night, she took a break from resting her face against him and gave Cate a call. She was nice enough to come back from Manchester a couple of times to bring more of Este’s belongings from their flat, helping to make the spare room feel more like her own. Cate saw her grief for what it was and gave Este the rigidity that others were scared to. The words she had trouble saying to herself felt easier to believe when her best friend was on the receiving line. Gently petting Dano’s coat, her voice escaped with a tremble.

She talked about how after seeing a trailer for a film called The Farewell (that was coincidentally about a sick grandmother) on the telly a couple of days ago, she hadn’t turned it on since. How she thought rereading Little Women might comfort her, but then she reached the part where Beth dies and couldn’t finish it. How she dreamt of her Lola every night.

But alas, the ponderous energy of the air around her lifted slightly. And when Cate hung up, after both girls lost track of time and realised the late hour, Este leaned back down onto Dano like he was her pillow, surprised to find his fur all wet with her tears.

-

29 October, 2019

Following the release of the third single for Notes On A Conditional Form, Frail State of Mind, Matty and the rest of the band had a couple of weeks off before playing Pitchfork Music Festival in Paris. Though they were still busy writing, the time away from performing left Matty thinking about Este more often. Sure, he was sort of always thinking of her; but it felt elevated during their first long break since he’d last heard from her.

He had sent a couple of texts to Cate to make sure she was alright, but never felt entitled to know more than just that. So, he was shocked to see messages waiting for him, from Este. The sheer anticipation made his thumb shake as it clicked to open it.

E ★

Today at 18:11 PM

I know this is more than a month overdue, but thank you for the flowers and sweet message. They were the most beautiful we’d received. The whole family loved them, and I’m sure my nan would have too

Pls don’t feel bad about not coming in for the funeral. I remembered that you’d be too far and that’s ok. It’s me that should be sorry for not letting u know what was going on. You deserved to know. But I’d be lying if I said i was doing better. Things are still really hard

I hope u can believe me when i say that I really do appreciate you Matty. I know you would be there for me if I let you in. But im sort of struggling to let anyone in rn.

Sorry for spamming you, I will text soon x

Este theres nothing you should be apologising for

Losing my nan was one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through

I’m never more than a text away, just remember that xx

Congrats on the new song too, you can imagine I relate to it a bit. Lol

After those few messages, Matty stopped hearing from her. They gave him a bit of hope, so Este’s radio silence hurt him a little bit more the second time around. He gave up reaching out after just over a month of no responses. Once in a while he would send a text to Cate, just to snuff his fear of something worse going on, and she assured him that she was alive. Not necessarily ‘good’, but alive. Matty guessed that it was a sufficient response and eventually stopped pestering.

It felt odd to mix the song he wrote about her in the studio while they weren’t even in contact. With it only running for a couple of seconds more than two minutes, they didn’t spend an overwhelming amount of time on it. But, as Matty listened back to his buried vocals that sang the lyrics he wrote about Este and their short bursts of memories between dragging months apart, he couldn’t help but yearn for her.

He liked that the song was so short, and that the lyrics were hard to pick apart. It felt like a little moment. The final line, ‘Will you stay or wait?’ repeated through Matty’s head as they perfected the song’s shoe-gazey production, booming in his chest through its painful relevance.

When they reached America for their final leg of tour that year, her name was sketched into Matty’s ear whenever they performed I Couldn’t Be More In Love. But what about these feelings I’ve got, he thought—too literally.

He would meet a fan that had a dimple and would think of her. Or one that had a septum piercing. And think of her if he ever drove past a small book shop.

Then, inevitably, Matty could feel the brightest element of his life slowly dim to darkness—fading into a fleeting moment of his past. But the memory stayed, along with a small glimmer of hope. And he knew he’d be at her feet the minute Este wanted him there again.

14 >>

[hanazuma-inactive]

defrost (nsfw) kaeya x top!male reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: ice play!! slight degradation, orgasm denial/ edging, top male reader, bottom kaeya

a/n: this was edited by @kamihara, she really outdone herself in this one, professional kaeya simp lol

_____

“to think such an honourable knight such as you, the cavalry captain of mondstat, is now begging to cum. how shameful of you,” you let out a low chuckle as a provocative smile broke out on your lips, “i wonder what citizens would say if they saw their beloved and oh so admirable kaeya in this position?”

as a captain of the ordo favonius, you were a bright figure to the people of mondstat. a person who aided in saving the city from destruction, one of the heroes that defeated storm terror. of course, other knights had nothing but respect for you as your skill and talent was nothing short of impressive. many looked at you with a high regard due to your strength and position, this meant that many were intimidated by your presence and therefore fear approaching you.

however, there was one person who disregarded this and stuck by you anyways, kaeya alberich, the cavalry captain. out of everyone in the knights of favonius, you were the closest with kaeya. you enjoyed his company a lot, he was an interesting person who knew how to keep a conversation going, and while you're with him you could never find yourself feeling bored. he was as charming as he was cunning.

kaeya found himself enjoying your company too. the two of you have done lots of things together. going on missions, getting away with “knighty” duty, babysitting klee, and drinking at angels share. you know, all the fun things in life.

kaeya was a secretive person, and while you were curious about him, you respected his boundaries. perhaps this was the reason why he drew you in, besides his blaringly good looks of course.

there was no doubt that the man was attractive from head to toe. his silky navy blue hair fell down his shoulder with grace, his fringe complemented his smooth, flawless sepia toned face. his periwinkle eye held the sheen of a crystal, glistening as his long eyelashes framed it with poise. the diamond shaped pupils his eyes possessed could leave you in a trance forever. his open white shirt left his cleavage on display, contrasted with the black corset around his slim, slim waist. his slender legs brought him around with confidence and charisma.additionally, the intricate accessories he wore suited his personality well. all in all, kaeya was a pretty little thing.

all of this lead up to you harbouring romantic feelings for the cavalry caption. how could you not feel anything? he was perfect in every way.

the sound of kaeya’s voice snapped you out of your thinking. “y/n, any missions today?”

“nothing for you i don’t think, i gotta help jean with the paperworks though.” you sighed at the thought of a mountain of paperwork.

“great, well i’m off then you have fun doing whatever.” kaeya smirked at you, poking fun at your dread.

he started to turn around and walk off but you had other plans.

“wait. kaeya-” you speak quickly.

“hm?” he hummed out.

“angels share? 9pm?”

a quizzical look washed over his face before he masked it with one of his cunning smiles.

“alright.”

little did kaeya know you had more in mind than just drinking with him tonight. today would be the day when you finally told him about your little crush on him.

night quickly arrived after a day of working with jean. you were pretty exhausted but still excited about what's about to happen later tonight. when you entered the bar, Kaeya was already waiting for you at the counter talking with the bartender, charles.

“ah, i see mr.l/n is here too. Your usual today as well sir?”

“yah that’d be nice, thanks charles.” you said as you took a seat next to kaeya

“you got it.” charles said as he left to go get your drink.

angel's share was the place you and kaeya loved the most. the kind of noisy background with people chatting. cyrus and jack talking about their gains for today, six-fingered jose still playing his lyre, the song was getting a little old but you didn’t mind, in fact if he changed the song you probably wouldn’t be used to it.

“so, what’s the special occasion for today? you usually don’t invite me to drink on weekdays.” kaeya said while swirling his drink and glancing over at you.

kaeya’s eyes always amazed you. you didn’t know the name of the grey-ish color but you could gaze into them forever. his smooth skin glowed under the dim lighting in the bar. you loved everything about the man, his dark blue hair, his perfectly shaped body, and the fact that you could see a little bit of his clothing. what kaeya said on the first day when you guys met was true, you did feel something for him.

“hm? can i not invite fellow knights to share a drink once in while without a special occasion.”

“well, not wrong there but…you seem like you have ulterior motives for tonight from the way you’re dressing.” kaeya said, smirking at you.

it was true, you purposely chose one of your best outfits today for kaeya, you wanted to impress the man not only from your combat skills, but also your looks. there was no secret you could hide from kaeya. he knew you too well and he always looked right through you. it could have just been kaeya’s observant nature but you like to hope it was something more than that.

“you’re right there, you really do know me too well, maybe i need to start hiding things from you a little huh?”

“you can try but i highly doubt it’ll work in your favour, mr.honorary knight.”

both of you looked at each other with a slight smirk as charles arrived with your drink. after drinking for a good while you could tell kaeya was getting a little tipsy. his movements were unstable, he shaked a little while walking and his eyes started to become hazy. what better time than right now to reveal your true plans for tonight, you were gonna fuck the shit out of the beautiful man. you wanted to hear him scream your name in pleasure as you break him, over and over again.

“why don’t we go somewhere else? y’know, somewhere more, quiet” you suggested while scooting closer to kaeya.

“i wouldn’t mind that.”

as soon as you heard those words you immediately got up and left with kaeya. your plan was going perfectly and the best part is about to come soon. kaeya wasn’t stupid, he was an adult afterall and he knew what you were trying to do. dressing up all sexy like that, getting drinks, going somewhere more “private”, what else could it have been.

the two of you arrived in your house and headed straight for your bedroom. kaeya has been to your house many times for many reasons and he knew where everything was so he didn’t trip or fall.

you placed a light kiss on kaeya’s lips while he laid on your bed.

“wait here~ i’ll be right back.”

this was where things would get, interesting

you opened your fridge to grab a small wooden bowl. the content inside was covered by a small white cloth. after grabbing that you went to grab some rope from a drawer you hid them in because you didn’t know what to say if someone saw those items in your house.

after bringing the items back you put them on the side and pushed kaeya down.

“what’re those?” he asked

(its a surprise tool that’ll help us later.)

“don’t worry about it sweetheart, just lay back and let me do the work alright?”

you brought a blush to kaeya’s face with your flirty words as he gave you a small nod, signalling you consent and approval. you kept invading kaeya’s mouth over and over again, you’re tongue so skillful kaeya was sure this definitely wasn’t your first time. the kisses ended after a while leaving both of you panting and a half an erection in your pants. wanting more, you began to take off kaeya’s uniform. his skin is so beautiful, you could also see his well defined body, just the perfect amount, not too buff, not too skinny. you licked your lips a little bit and looked up at kaeya with a smirk. when you put your mouth onto kaeya’s pink nipples, he squealed a little out of surprise but soft moans soon began to escape from his mouth.

“a-ah~ didn’t know you had this in you, honorary knight.”

“oh i know a lot more tricks that can make you feel good~” you teased.

as you continued to suck on kaeya’s smooth skin, you decided to spice things up a little bit. kaeya yelped as he felt a slight pain around his nipples. you remove your mouth to see a bite mark around it.

“to mark you as mine~”

“tch, you cocky little bastard.”

seeing the tent building up in kaeya’s pants, you decided to take them off and grant it some release. after you took off kaeya’s jeans you saw a small stain at the top of his boxers, showing that he felt good earlier.

“alright... this is where the fun part begins.” you said as you grabbed the ropes you initially put on the floor.

“restraining me? go ahead, let’s see if the honorary knight is all talk or he actually has something up his sleeve.” kaeya taunted

not liking his attitude, you forcefully tied kaeya’s hands behind his back and pushed him to the end of the bed facing you with nothing on but his boxers. now, the mighty kaeya alberich, is at your mercy.

“alright, we can do this in two ways. one, you listen to me, second, i don’t think you’ll like what’ll happen,”

kaeya raised his head a little and looked you dead in the eyes.

“i choose the second option”

you knew kaeya was the bratty type and it’ll only add to the fun to tame him. after hearing his choice you pushed kaeya back to where he was before and uncovered the bowl you had prepared earlier on the side. the bow was filled with medium sized ice cubes and it was till now that kaeya finally realized what you were trying to do.

“ice cubes huh? bring it on.”

“you asked for it~”

you grabbed one of the ice cubes and started to rub it on kaeya’s pecs, making circular motions and slowing moving towards the center where his nipples are.

“f-fuck that’s cold.”

you saw kaeya’s cock twitch a little when you first reached his nipples and you knew he was feeling good. moving on with your plan, you rested the ice cube on kaeya’s nipples and lifted his boxers where his cock is still covered but his asshole is exposed to you. right after that, you grabbed the lube that has been sitting in your nightstand and spread them on your fingers. without mercy you put 2 fingers into kaeya, trying to find his pleasure spot. sooner or later when kaeya started to let out tiny moans you knew you hit your target.

“feels good huh baby boy~”

“y-yah, and so what o-oh fuck~”

kaeya was sure feeling it, to a point where he started stuttering.

the constant teasing got kaeya close to his limit. he couldn’t hold it any longer. but you’re not gonna let him cum that easy are you? of course not, he needed to be punished for what he did earlier.

“a-ah y/n i’m gonna cum i’m gonna cum so hard- wait why'd you s-stop?” kaeya asked

“you decided to be a brat earlier didn’t you~? bad boys get punishment.” you said with a smirk on your face.

kaeya stayed silent, not a word coming out of his mouth, head hung low feeling embarrassed.

“to think such an honourable knight such as you, the cavalry captain of mondstat, is now begging to cum. how shameful of you,” you let out a low chuckle as a provocative smile broke out on your lips, “i wonder what citizens would say if they saw their beloved and oh so admirable kaeya in this position?”

“maybe~ if you begged a little i might reconsider, don’t you think so, pretty boy?”

kaeya finally lost his composure at this point, all he wanted was to cum from your touch.

“fine... i don’t care anymore.” kaeya growled.

“p-please y/n.” kaeya looked up at you with pleading eyes. “i want to c-cum, i want to cum so bad. i should’ve been a good boy from the beginning… i promise i’ll be obedient from now on, j-just please, let me cum…” kaeya begged

“that’s what i thought.”

satisfied with kaeya’s begging, you decided to grant him his release. you added another ice cube to the other side of kaeya’s chest while stroking his dick through his boxers. of course you didn’t forget to keep teasing kaeya’s prostate while you were at it. all these different stimulations made kaeya lose his mind. the male came through his boxers all over the place. semen spilled on his own stomach and chest followed with moans so loud the entire mondstat could hear him.

after he settled himself down a little, kaeya waited for you to untie him. you exchanged a kiss with him while you were doing so, smiling at each other thinking about what just happened. neither of you cared about the mess that you made because you guys were tired. listening to the birds chirp, you fell asleep with the dark blue haired male on your bed.

the two of you woke up in the afternoon to the noises of mondstat. you woke up a little before kaeya and from your point of view he was literally a sleeping beauty. you stroked his hair a little bit, causing him to wake up.

"y/n…good morning handsome."

"right back at you."

both of you giggled a little while holding hands.

"hey kaeya?"

"yes y/n."

"i've been meaning to get this off my chest and i don't think there will be a better time to say it than now."

"well go ahead, i'm all ears."

"you were the only one that ever stuck with me in the knights, everyone was afraid of me due to my strength except for you. you listened to me, you talked to me, and if it weren't for you i probably would've quit the job at the knights already." you took a deep breath and let out the words kaeya were waiting for.

"kaeya alberich... will you he my boyfriend?"

kaeya gave you a small scoff as a reaction and a light kiss to your lips.

"what reason do i have to refuse such a perfect man?."

[madsnowstorm]

take it easy | B. Bradshaw

An argument ensues over the perfect roadtrip snack.

A/N: a long-ish commute and the eagles inspired this one. you might get a cavity from how sweet this is...and i do not apologize. hope you enjoy!

The trees were zooming past you in a blur. The light of the day was fading and the sky was turning a dusty shade of blue. Bradley was in the driver's seat beside you, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. You were humming the last few notes of the Taylor Swift song that was playing, but your mind was occupied by thoughts of how you ended up in the passenger seat of your Toyota RAV4, heading down I-95. 

It all started three days before. You and Bradley were sitting on the couch. He was working on his laptop while you were grading essays. An old episode of CSI was flashing across the TV. 

“Let’s get away this weekend.” Bradley spoke up. You looked up from the green ink you just applied to the sheet in your lap. His laptop was turned toward you. There were a few tabs open. The page he had pulled up was for an AirBnb in Savannah, Georgia. “We still have that AirBnb gift card Mav got me for my birthday. You’ve got a three day weekend coming up. I can take a few days off.”

“I don’t know, babe.” You said hesitantly. The man beside you frowned and it tugged at your heart like it always did. “Three days just doesn’t feel like enough time. We’d spend more time asleep and in the car than we would exploring.” The voice of Gil Grissom explaining the natural habits of some sort of insect filled the air as both you and Bradley sat thinking on his proposal. You needed to pause the episode, but we’re too distracted by thoughts of a getaway with the man you loved.

“Then take a day off. You haven’t taken a single personal day since we’ve been together.” His voice was gentle, but without emotion. You could tell he was giving you the space to think through his suggestion, without steamrolling you with emotions. That’s how you knew he really wanted it. Bradley could act like a child, bouncing with anticipation when he wanted something. But when he really wanted something? He was quiet and collected.

“How much longer?” You sounded like one of your students when they were working on an assignment they weren’t overly fond of. The travel part of vacation had never been your favorite. You were far too impatient for long car rides or waiting in uncomfortable chairs at the airport. 

“Well, my darling,” Bradley was amused by your restlessness. You could hear it in his voice. “About four more hours.” You looked at him, a smirk on your face.

“So, more like three hours.” His squadron, both in Virginia and those from his detachment in California, loved to give him shit about how slow he was in the air. Clearly they’d never been on land with him while he was behind the wheel. The man was the definition of pedal to the metal.

“You know me so well.” The current song was a random 80’s hair band that was a little too loud. You quickly found the volume knob and turned it two clicks to the left. 

“Not well enough.” Between the random songs that he kept requesting and the small can of Pringles in the cupholder next to his cup of gas station coffee. You’d taken a sip of it earlier. It wasn’t the best in the world, but you knew the caffeine would do its job. “I still can’t believe you think Pringles are an appropriate road trip snack.”

“Says the girl who went absolutely feral over fucking Twizzlers.” You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth. “At least my snack actually tastes good.”

“Hey! Don’t knock Twizzlers. They’re the perfect snack for a road trip. No crumbs, no stickiness, and they’re easy to eat while driving. What’s not to love?” Bradley looked at you with one eyebrow raised. Clearly, in his mind, you’d lost your mind.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re chewing a strip of tire that tastes like medicine?” He was laughing now and you couldn’t find it in you to care that it was all because of you. He was so handsome like this, carefree and joking. 

You wanted so desperately to reach across the console and smack a kiss right on his kissable mouth, to taste the coffee on his lips. The need to slide your hands underneath the hem of his t-shirt and drag your nails over his abs was great. You flexed your fingers to try and gain some sort of control. The car was suddenly too warm. You adjusted the air vents on both your left and right, then made sure the temperature was as low as it could go.

“You hot?” Were you hot? Was lava hot? Was the sun hot? Yes. Yes. Yes. You reached for your bottle of water that you put at your feet and took a large gulp.

“I think I need a little fresh air.” Without any hesitation, Bradley opened the window a few inches. A look of concern took over his features. There was a burst of affection and tenderness in your chest. “I’m fine, baby. Promise.” You let some air flow over your face and then rolled your window back up. “All better now!” You announced. You weren’t much better. You still need Bradley, on you, around you, in you. It would have to wait though. The thought made you want to pout, but before you could do so the man who was driving you crazy shouted.

“I love this song!” He reached to turn up the volume. The chords of Take it Easy by the Eagles flowed out of the speakers. Bradley began to sing along with the song. His voice was raspy and smooth and  somehow both a soothing balm and gasoline to a fire. In all your life you’d not felt this type of love. It was all consuming.

“And I love you, baby.” You said. He kept singing, but the smile on his face rivaled the light of  a burning star. You’d never be tired of telling him how you felt. Not when he loved hearing those words so much. “Weird road trip snacks and all.”

[disturbedbydesign]

The Widow and the Wolf - Chapter 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x dark!exWidow!reader

Summary: After Natasha Romanoff took down the Red Room, the former Widows scattered to the wind. Raised to be a killing machine and released into the world with nothing and no one, you decided to use your newfound autonomy to take down the bad guys of your choosing. But now Natasha is riddled with guilt for leaving you on your own. She wants to recruit you, rehabilitate you, make you part of a team again. But the rest of the squad has reservations, and no one is more against you than Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Graphic violence; Mentions of domestic violence, rape, pedophilia, human trafficking, child sex trafficking; eventual Dubcon (not Bucky); eventual smut; slow(ish) burn enemies-to-lovers. [More warnings will be added as necessary but these are the Big Bads.] 18+ only, no minors.

A/N: This is canon-adjacent in that I just decided to pick and choose who I wanted to write for and what parts of canon I wanted to use. Best not to think too hard about where it falls on the timeline because the canon is a mess and we all kind of hate it anyway.

If you prefer to read on AO3, you can do so here.

Chapter One

You’ve been tracking him for days, not that it was hard. His patrol schedule is always the same, as is his after-hours routine: drinks at the Irish pub on Reade Street with the other boys in blue. It’s a cop bar but you waltz right in, looking lost even though you know the name, rank, and various misdeeds of every guy in the place. He looks at you, because of course he does—his wife assured you that he has a wandering eye, among his other sins.

You take a seat at the bar. “Double vodka rocks, please.”

The bartender pours you your drink and you take a deep pull, savoring the burn of it. Then you wait, but it doesn’t take long—it never does. Sergeant Thompson sidles up to the barstool next to you.

“Hey darlin,” he says, his breath reeking of cheap beer. “You lost?”

You turn to him with an innocent smile. “Evening, officer.”

“It’s Sergeant,” he says, tapping his badge, “but I won’t hold that against you. So, what’s a pretty young thing doing in a dive bar with a bunch of old men?”

“I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner but she bailed on me. Figured I’d grab a drink before I head home.”

“And where is home?” he asks, not that it’s any of his business, but cops think they deserve answers to any questions they feel like asking.

“Williamsburg,” you lie.

“You’re pretty far from home, then,” he replies, even though you both know that you aren’t. He takes a sip of his beer and the foam leaves a trace like a mustache before he licks it clean. “It’s late. Why don’t you let me drive you? Wouldn’t want you on the subway this time of night.”

“It’s only 8:30,” you say. “I think I’ll be just fine.”

He leans in conspiratorially. “Well, I really shouldn’t be telling you this—open investigation and all that—but we’ve been on the lookout for a guy in the area, serial rapist, real nasty piece of work.”

That’s one thing the two of you have in common at least.

“I’d feel a lot better if you’d let me take you home, darlin.”

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” you admit. “Can’t get much safer than the NYPD, right?”

He laughs and so do you, knowing that nothing is farther from the truth—especially when it comes to this guy.

Sergeant Thompson speeds across the Williamsburg Bridge with his flashers on, headed toward the address you gave him. Of course, that’s not actually your address—you don’t have a home anymore—it’s just one of many rundown warehouses in the neighborhood, variously used for impromptu raves and as drug dens and, in your case, a private place in which you can take care of business without fear of being interrupted.

“This is me,” you say, waiting for him to let you out of the back of the cruiser where he insisted you ride—caged in like a helpless animal, or so he thinks.

“This place?” he asks. “Looks like it’s about to collapse.”

“You’d be surprised what they can do to these places on the inside—gentrification and what have you. My rent is astronomical.”

“Still,” he says, “I’d like to walk you up. Looks a bit unsavory.”

“If you insist, Sergeant.”

The second you get up the stairs to the top floor, you inject him with the etorphine, straight into the jugular, and down he goes. It never gets old—how easy it is, when they think that they are the predator and you are the prey. You drag him into the loft where you’re already set up for a long night’s work.

When he comes to, he’s fixed to the chair with (among other things) his own handcuffs, mouth taped shut and a rag shoved in for good measure. You don’t want to hear him talk; it’s time for him to listen. His day of reckoning has come. He starts to squirm but between the cuffs and the duct tape and the sedative still coursing through his veins, he’s not going anywhere. Even if he did get free, you could take him down easy. It’s what you were trained for. It’s what you were born for.

“Welcome back, Sergeant,” you say, and he screams something unintelligible through the rag which, if you had to guess, would be some combination of “cunt” or “bitch” or any of the other choice words he likes to use on his women.

The tarps are laid meticulously around the room, placed strategically to catch any and all evidence of what you’re about to do. When he notices them, he goes still, because he knows. Part of him knows.

“So,” you say, pulling out the Thompson file, “this is quite the impressive resume you’ve got here, Sarge. Lots of civilian brutality complaints, including a few choice allegations from female prisoners. Oh, and then there’s the domestic violence and marital rape. You’re a real charmer, huh?”

There’s more muffled screaming but you ignore it—the last gasps of a dying man.

“Here’s the thing, Sarge. I know you think that you’re above the law, because you are the law, but you aren’t. Your wife is real tired of your shit, and me? Well, let’s just say that my motto is protect and serve.” You lean in close enough to smell the salty sweat on his brow. “And unlike you, I actually mean it.”

You pull your favorite knife from your thigh holster and slit him from ear to ear. “See you in hell, Sergeant.”

You sit on the edge of the table, swinging your legs and watching him bleed out. It doesn’t take long. The actual disposal is the real work. You set about chopping him into manageable pieces and you find yourself missing the days when you didn’t have to cover your tracks alone, when there was a clean-up team to take care of it for you.

But you’re freelance now. You’re not a Widow anymore. She made sure of that.

Sometimes—like right now, when you’re dripping sweat and every muscle in your body is screaming its exertion as you saw through bone after bone—you hate Natasha Romanoff. You know why she did what she did; you understand that, objectively, it was the right thing to do. But did she ever stop to consider the repercussions of her actions? She got out early and found a new family and became one of the Good Guys. But you? You entered the Red Room with nothing and you left with nothing.

They always said you were born to be a killer. It’s all you’ve ever known. So what exactly did she expect you to do? You may be free of the mind control, but you never had the chance to develop a mind of your own. Killing is all you know. At least now you get to pick your own targets.

Once you’ve got Sergeant Thompson all squared away, you pack him up in the trunk of his cruiser and drive upstate, listening to the 80s station you like. It occurs to you that most people have heard these songs a thousand times—so many times that they know the lyrics instinctively, can sing them without even having to think about it. It’s all new to you, though. You can’t decide whether it makes you sad to think about all you’ve missed or whether you’re lucky that you get to experience for the first time what everyone else is already tired of.

When you get to the farm, you dump Thompson in the holes you’ve already backhoed, then you hop on the Cat and fill them all in. You shoot a text to Mrs. Thompson from your burner—just a thumbs-up emoji—and she replies with a smiley face. It was only so long before he would have killed her; she knows it as well as you do. The only people that will grieve the dearly departed Sergeant Thompson are a bunch of assholes who are one false move from ending up in your web.

You didn’t charge Mrs. Thompson your usual rate—just what she could afford without drawing the attention and ire of the Mister. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, you even work pro bono. After all, you only kill people for money who you would happily kill for free. You consider it a service, something for the greater good of society. You’ll take money, sure—you need it to live and to continue your work—but not from people who can’t easily spare it.

You have standards. You have a code. That’s the difference between the you that served as a mindless weapon wielded by others and the you that decides for yourself how to use the gifts you’ve been given. No women. No children. No collateral damage. Only Very Bad Men who’ve done Very Bad Things. You don’t see the harm in it, not really, and as you settle into bed you come back to the thought you often have before a fitful night of sleep: who’s the real avenger, Natasha?

*****

Natasha wipes her brow and throws the rag down on the mat, grabbing a bottle of water and chugging half of it before she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Bucky has barely broken a sweat from their morning sparring session, and he doesn’t even try to fake it. He’s in an especially grumpy mood.

“This is a bad idea, Natasha.”

“To some people, maybe,” she says, “but I want to bring her in anyway. I don’t understand how you of all people are against me on this, Bucky.”

“Uh, for starters, she’s a serial killer.”

“That’s a bit of a harsh assessment, considering the circumstances. And do I really need to remind you that the same could be said about the two of us? That a lot of people still say that about us?”

Bucky sighs, because he knows she’s right, but this is different—you are different. “It’s not the same,” he grumbles, but he’s not entirely sure it isn’t, and that’s what’s really bothering him.

“Look,” Nat says, taking a step toward Bucky, “I need to try, ok? I know what she’s going through because I went through it, except she’s completely alone out there with nothing and no one. You and I… we had people behind us, helping us.”

“And what if she says no?” Bucky asks. “Are you just gonna let her go on doing what she’s doing? She’s killed… how many is it now?”

Natasha mutters something under her breath and Bucky looks at her expectantly. “What was that, Tasha?”

“25 people in the last 6 months,” she states, her mouth set in a hard line.

“Exactly,” he says.

“I would like to point out that they were all very bad people. So...”

“Tasha,” he says, and he puts his hand up to silence her. “I can’t help you on this. I’m sorry. I want to, but I can’t.”

Natasha huffs out a laugh. “You know what, Barnes? You’re real high and mighty for a guy who–”

Natasha stops herself when she sees the ice-cold look in Bucky’s eyes. “Go on. For a guy who what?”

“Nothing,” she says. “I’m sorry. I’ll go on my own.”

“Well, good luck to you. Hope you don’t get your throat slit.”

Bucky stomps off and Natasha is left wondering if she’s about to make a huge mistake. She knows you’re volatile, that a part of you must resent her, but she needs to make it right. At the very least, she needs to try.

Natasha grabs her tablet and scrolls through the latest intel on your whereabouts. She’s just missed you in New York, but she thinks she’s got a jump on your next target: some coke dealer down in Miami with a predilection for underage girls. Just a brief glance at this guy’s file is enough to make Natasha’s blood run cold. She knows why you do what you do. If she’s honest, it doesn’t bother her one bit that you’re doing it. It’s the thought of you out there on your own, filled with hate and anger and thirsty for bloody vengeance, that frightens her. Because maybe one day—left to your own devices, lost in the chaos of your troubled mind—getting the Bad Guys won’t be enough for you. Maybe you’ll decide that some of the Good Guys aren’t so good after all. Maybe you’ll even be right.

She contemplates being honest with Steve and telling him where she’s headed but decides against it. Steve isn’t on board with her plan. Natasha doesn’t fault him for it—he doesn’t understand, he couldn’t. Bucky, though... that’s a disappointment, and it surprises her. If anyone knows what it feels like to spend your life as someone else’s weapon, it’s Bucky Barnes.

Natasha waits until nightfall to “borrow” the Quinjet, and she finds Bucky waiting for her when she gets to the hangar.

“I’m coming with you,” he says, “but only as back-up. She’s dangerous, Natasha.”

“Maybe so,” Natasha replies, “but only because she’s afraid.”

*****

You knew that she’d be coming for you sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. Your little stilt cabin on the outskirts of the Everglades isn’t quite set up for company but at least it’s tucked away and difficult to access. You’re surprised she brought him, though—that was a mistake. You and she could have a nice long conversation, but you have nothing to say to the Soldat.

You climb up the tree to your lookout platform and hoist your sniper rifle onto your shoulder, following their slow but steady progress through the knee-deep swamp water, trying to line up a decent shot as they weave in between the bald cypress trees. When you see your chance, you take it, and you put one about an inch from where the Soldat’s metal arm meets the flesh of his shoulder. It ricochets off, as intended, and he jumps forward to shield Natasha. You hear her laugh through your earpiece.

“Relax, Barnes. It was a warning shot. If she wanted to hit you, she would have.”

“She did hit me,” he snaps.

You smile as you descend from the tree to meet them.

“Well well well,” you say. “If it isn’t the Murder Twins. To what do I owe this unwanted visit?”

“You know why I’m here,” Natasha says.

“Yes,” you reply, “but why is he here?”

The man she calls Barnes looks at you with disdain and you give it right back to him. You can tell that shot in the arm really pissed him off and it pleases you to no end.

“He’s just watching my back,” she says. “That’s what happens when you’re on a team.”

“Right, The Avengers. How adorable.”

“Listen,” Natasha begins, but you stop her.

“Let me save you the trouble of whatever little speech you have prepared. I’m not coming with you. I’m not going to Widow rehab and joining your ragtag group of misfits. And I’m not going to stop doing my work just because you come here and bat your eyes and smile pretty at me.”

“Your work?” spits the Soldat. “Is that what you’re calling it?”

“Bucky, don’t-”

“Let him talk, Romanoff,” you say. “He obviously has some… opinions. Now that he’s got the mask off, he can finally speak for himself.” You take a step towards him, your rifle in hand but not pointed at him. “So speak, Soldat.”

He looks flustered and not a little bit angry. You can tell he doesn’t like to be called by that name. “Killing people isn’t work,” he says.

You huff out a laugh. “And what is it that the two of you do, exactly? Run a coffee shop?”

“We are not the same,” he says, and you smile because you know that he doesn’t actually believe that—how could he after everything he’s done?

“I think we are exactly the same, Soldat, with one huge exception: you’re still letting other people tell you what to do, and I’m done with all that.”

“This is pointless,” he says.

“Now that is something you and I actually agree on.” You turn to Natasha. “You should go while you still can. I have work to do.”

But Natasha just won’t let it go. “I should never have left you alone,” she says. “This is my fault. Let me fix it.”

“I don’t need to be fixed,” you snap, and you raise your rifle and point it directly at her head. “Leave, Natasha. And take your little pet with you.”

The Soldat grabs her arm gently. “Let’s go, Tasha. She’s hopeless.”

You feel a pang of something then—some indescribable form of melancholy. You try to keep it off your face but you can tell from the look in his eyes that he sees it. A minute tremble of your lip, the quick double blink—it gives you away, and now you’re really pissed off.

“Leave. Now,” you yell, and it pierces through the sweltering darkness. “I’ll make you sorry if you don’t.”

You watch Natasha and the bionic man make their way out of the swamp. You don’t turn your back on them, not that you think they’ll try to take you by force. That would be unwise and Natasha knows it. Once you’re satisfied that they’re gone, you return to the cabin. The bloodied man in the linen suit lays strapped to the bed where you left him, squirming and shouting around the gag in his mouth.

You have to stop yourself from making this a messy affair, but the anger you feel—at her, at him, at everything—is making it difficult to temper your darker urges. You’re not one for torture, even though this man absolutely deserves it for the horrible things he’s done. You almost give in, but you remind yourself that this is a job—it is work, despite what the Soldat may think—and you have to remain professional.

You grab the man’s file off the desk and pull a chair up next to the bed. “So, Mr. Garcia, where were we?”

CHAPTER TWO >>>

[missinghan]

falling for the first time ⤖ bang chan

❖ genre : hogwarts au; fluff

❖ word count : 2,1k.

❖ warning : explicit language

❖ summary : your plan of putting all effort into avoiding bang chan as much as possible has been going smoothly for almost seven years until he asks you for a dance at the Yule Ball. or alternatively, your families hate each other but wait...has he always had those golden flecks in his eyes?

❖ author’s note : here’s the song they’re dancing to 🖤

one.

The once cold ballroom has waited for eons it seems, for a real heart to beat a new rhythm into the matter that made it. 

Meanwhile, you too have been waiting (for two-ish hours) in the corner with your cup of root beer abandoned at a table for your dance partner. You’re currently half-clutching your dress and half-panicking because Chan wouldn’t miss an event as extravagant as the Yule Ball. He’s not the type to be sour over little things either just because he didn’t win the Triwizard Tournament. Or perhaps someone else just happened to ask him? 

A blood-curdling shriek bursts your eardrums. 

Jeongin gives you a nudge with his elbow from behind. “Grilled scream-cheese?” he asks with a mouthful of gluten and carbs, a plate of a sandwich with a (literally) screaming slice of cheese slapped in the middle. 

“No, my appetite is ruined,” you say, pushing it away slightly and heaving an audible sigh. 

The Ravenclaw boy makes an alarming noise—something similar to ‘uh-oh’ and swallows the big bite from before as fast as he can. “Where’s Chan?”

You only shrug, “Don’t know. Don’t care.” If only you could do that with the train of thoughts that have been going in and out of your ears for the past a hundred and twenty minutes. 

“Y/N, you look troubled,” he purses his lips, frowning at you. 

“I’m not,” you voice in denial, trying your best not to come off as snappy. No, you will not give up your facade that easily. You won’t leave Chan’s ego nor Jeongin to rest without a fight by saying that you actually want to dance with the heathen!

“Yeah right, let me-“

“Don’t. What if he’s already asked someone else?” You momentarily shudder at how sad you sound. The root beer shouldn’t have hit you this hard. “I mean look at him, he’s Bang Chan. I’m pretty sure those girls from Beauxbatons have been eyeing him up and down since the Tournament.” 

Jeongin lets out a huff of laughter in disbelief. “Are you even hearing yourself right now?”

“One of you guys could have asked me. Or I should have paid Jisung to be my partner yesterday. I just, I don’t know, what am I saying? I’m confused.”

Your friend is officially done with your bullshit so he decides for himself that he will now set down his food to make your first and last Yule Ball arguably unforgettable. “Honestly? I can lie and say I would dance with you if you weren’t so full of pride. But truth is, none of us asked you to dance because we all know how badly Chan wants this opportunity. Wake the fuck up! He’s been planning this since forever. I’ll go look for him, wait here,” he points a finger at you before running off, leaving your heartbeat pause awkwardly like a broken record. 

The ballroom feels significantly colder now. 

“Miss Y/N?”

Ah, perfect timing. What’s another way to phrase ‘being an absolute idiot at a ball’? Oh right, it’s ‘talking to your professor five minutes before the first dance while your friends are socializing left and right’. 

“Yes, Headmistress McGonagall?”

Your professor peers around when she realizes that you’re all alone. “Are you and Mister Bang ready?”

“R-ready?” Suddenly, you feel out of place. 

“Well, of course. It’s only traditional that the three champions start the first dance!”

“Oh.”

two. 

Only the celestial bodies above can know how melancholy you are. But you’re met with a sky without stars tonight. 

With your head on your elbows, lips pressed into a straight line, your gaze falls from the endless canvas of darkness to the hustle and bustle of students leaving the Great Hall to head back to their designated dormitories. A sigh. You definitely don’t need to know what they’re going to do for the after-party. Ryujin used to show you an article on this peculiar machine called ‘a laptop’ that the more you sigh, the faster you age. If Chan keeps doing shit like this to you, you’re gonna be all old and wrinkly by the time he comes here. 

If he is going to show up at all that is. 

The moment you peel your eyes away from the overcrowded main gate, a broad figure is shuffling himself through his drunk Quidditch teammates, sloppy couples, and burnt out professors. He dashes through the empty hallways to reach the spiral staircase, skipping three steps at a time, risking the chances of falling on his face just to get to you. 

Pulling himself to a halt at the last step, Chan sees you all curled up against the balcony railings and feels a pang of guilt wash over his innards like a wave. You’re pulling your legs toward your chest, defeated eyes gazing into the space ahead while your hair falls to your face messily. Like you’ve gone through the depths of the Fourth Dimension, struggling through dark matters and a rite of divinity at the end of the line. All for him. 

You’re beautiful. 

And the amount of affection that’s piling upon his rib cage? Astronomical. 

Your gaze is averted away; even with a slight scowl, sloppy clothes and messed up hair, you still flare radiance. He thinks that if a meteor shower is happening right now, you can still outshine it. “You came,” you mention. 

For once, Chan finds himself at a loss for words. “Y-Yeah,” he manages to swallow. Yeah? What the fuck, Chan? Is that all you’ve got to say? 

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N. Yeji accidentally mistook one of Minho’s potions for her allergy medicine so I gotta take care of that before coming,” he scratches his forearm awkwardly, head hung low with guilt. “I didn’t know it would take that long…”

“Oh.” Wow, jealous stinks. This isn’t pre-school, you’d better snap out of it. “Let’s head back. I wanna check on her before passing out.” 

“She’s fine now, sleeps like death. Chaeryeong is there too, you know, just in case.” Chan feels perplexed as he tries to coax anything but the ‘head back’ option from you. 

You tilt your head. “And...?”

“I’m afraid you owe me something?” A slow smile begins to outstretch upon his facial muscles, deepening the dimples on either side of his cheeks that you adore the most. “A dance, I believe,” he makes a thinking face while striding toward you. 

Coldly, you stand up to dust your dress. “I don’t want to.” You’re not having it, he can tell. But does Bang Chan ever give up? 

“A bet is a bet, Y/N.”

Chan’s hand fishes inside the pocket of his trench coat to take out his wand. His hand delicately gives it a swift flick; once, and twice followed by a low mumble from his lips. Immediately, light pulses from the tip of the wand before shooting upward, disintegrating into a million bits as though a starry night is embracing the both of you. He does the same action again to cast a different spell. Music laces through every fiber of air without effort, like honey being poured into your ears. 

“It’s just one bet,” he pouts with a hand fully extended toward you. 

You should have realized how good Chan looks tonight. A black dress shirt that’s buttoned below appropriate, matching trench coat, silver accessories lining his fingers and ears with naturally tousled hair from running here. He looks so gorgeous that it almost suffocates you, that it almost makes you want to hiss ‘fucking unfair’ out loud. 

Enchanted by his poise and grace, your body reacts without the consent of your mind. You seize up when you unknowingly place your hand on top of his, the touch sending electricity down your spine. A simple response has become all too complicated for your brain to process. 

You grow breathless the moment he grabs you by the waist and pulls you flush against him. “Yeah, a bet so you’ll leave me alone,” you remark sarcastically to ease your nerves. 

“Look, it’s not my fault that the Goblet of Fire chose me to participate in the Tournament,” Chan chuckles lowly, eyes crinkling into crescent moon shapes while he sways you to the soft melody. Dots of light continue to float around weightlessly, reflecting the golden flecks in his eyes. He’s ethereal in the worst way—the way that isn’t healthy for your heart. 

But you soon slap on another scowl when you realize he just reminded you of why you’re even here in the first place. If only you weren’t so salty about Slytherin winning your team over at the final Quidditch match before the holiday occurs. Let’s just say you weren’t exactly in the best mind state after getting your ass kicked in your favorite sport. 

And Chan wasted no time to slip in between the line of comical humor and your ultimate torment. Which results in—if you get to attend the Triwizard Tournament, he will leave you alone for the rest of your life; but if he is the chosen one, he gets a dance with you at the Yule Ball. 

It’s really not all that bad if you think twice about it. Dancing with Bang Chan, the Slytherin’s Quidditch team captain, the student with perfect academics and conduct for six years straight, and now one of the Triwizard Tournament champions this year. 

Music threads through the atmosphere and lifts away gravity. You can’t count how many times you have stepped on his toes due to nervousness because you’re too much of a coward to look him in the eye. But he’s the only thing you can seem to focus on right now. 

“Besides, don’t you think this is a good opportunity to get rid of the tension between us?” Chan asks honestly, and this causes you to perk up. 

“What?”

Lights are twinkling with every step as Chan spins you around gently, your dress billowing out prettily as your heels click against the cold concrete. After that, he swiftly pulls you back into his arms and you exhale in relief like you were meant to be there all this time. 

“Don’t act dumb, you’re terrible at it. I know the only reason why you’ve been avoiding me since first year was because of our families’ stupid grudge. ”

Your eyes are cast downward, sadness glinting in your round pupils. “Either way, my parents wouldn’t like to see me talking to you. And look at what we’re doing. It’s going to be catastrophic if they find out.”

“Well, they can’t just magically appear now, can they?” Chan leans a little closer to lock his eyes with yours. 

And you break it seconds later because you’re an absolute coward for a Gryffindor. “We’re attending a magic school. Anything is possible.”

“Did they even tell you what the actual problem was in the first place?” he huffs out in faint annoyance. 

You shake your head. “I don’t think they’d even remember.”

“Then would you stop giving me that look as if I just shooed your owl way every time I said ‘hi’ on my way to class? Have you ever thought about my feelings? About us being civil for once? Like friends? Or even more so?”

“I-“ 

“We’re not our parents, Y/N.”

Your heart becomes all erratic at his words. It’s nothing like those fully-fledged, tear-jerking nor cheesyass confessions that you’ve gawked at one too many times, but it makes your heart flutter and stirs up those cliché butterflies inside your stomach. This can’t be compared to the Yule Ball—it’s even better than that. Because it feels as though you and Chan are the only presences that graze the surface of this land. There’s no one to judge, no fingers to point, no gossip spreading like wildfire. 

It’s perfect. Almost. 

“Us...it’s not- it can’t happen. It’s not supposed to happen. It’s not possible, Chan.”

Wordlessly, he stops, moves both of your hands to his shoulders, and wraps his arms around your torso. The sound of your heartbeat against his is so in sync they just drown out the music completely. Time is frozen in place, leaving you to hang on the edge with him, hanging onto this single moment as thin as the red string of fate. You’re waiting for him to do something, say something. 

Just then, Chan cracks a wry smile and pulls you closer by the nape of your neck, resting his forehead comfortably on yours. “We’re attending a magic school. Anything is possible.”

[bestiepetedavidson]

Can I request hcs what Pete would do when you're standing in the middle of the night at his door, after a break up with your now ex boyfriend? Thankss ❣

yes! this game me inspo and i’m going to try to do a written-out story if that’s ok! :)

a/n: y’all this is the first story ish thing i’ve ever written so i apologize if it’s really bad/cringey! i feel like it’s extremely choppy but idrk how to fix it. constructive critism/suggestions/etc is ALWAYS appreciated! thank u! <3

song to listen to: i’m thinking adore you by bestie harry? idk it just fits hehe

tw: angst? i think? idk this is my first time writing this much lol. some strong language. ending with fluff :)

it was almost 3 am on a saturday night, pouring rain and thundering, and you were left crying on your now ex’s doorstep. you ran into your car, soaking wet. your boyfriend/girlfriend of 3 years, the person you were gonna marry- had just dumped you. they cheated on you with your best friend.

you had no one to talk to and nowhere to go. you’re pretty introverted, and the only people you really had were your ex-best friend, your ex, and your friend pete. and pete’s friends too, technically. they were mainly his friends but you would all hang out together, none of which you felt comfortable enough to go to.

you called pete- no answer. he probably still hasn’t left 30 Rock. but anyways, he had a lot on his plate. you continued to bawl as tears rolled down your cheeks and your mascara smudged underneath your eyes. you broke down and you couldn’t stop. he/she broke your heart into a million pieces in the matter of seconds. the past 3 years of your life had gone to waste.

you decided to just drive. you didn’t have anywhere to go because you were staying with him/her. you just drove around aimlessly for 20 minutes, still crying the whole time. then, you got a phone call. “pete”, your phone read. thank god. quickly, you pulled into a random grocery store’s parking lot. you picked the phone up and your bluetooth connected to your car.

“y/n” pete said. he sounded tired.

“yeah?” you responded, still crying.

“what happened? is everything okay?”

you tried to explain what had just happened, but you were too much of a crying mess for him to make out anything you were saying.

pete, confused, told you “y/n, i’m sorry, i can’t understand what you’re saying”. he took a deep breath, and continued. “do you want to come over? i just got home from work. we can talk it out”. his voice sounded worried

you agreed and hung up, and set your google maps to his apartment address. you started to blast a random spotify breakup playlist and drove.

~

a little later, at around 3:40, you finally made it. still soaking wet from the rain, you took the elevator up to his floor. you had somewhat calmed down, but you looked like you’ve been through a trainwreck. you knocked on pete’s door and he opened it to see you in your current state. the moment you saw him you just broke down, and he pulled you into a hug without saying anything.

so there you two were. just standing in the middle of the building’s hallway, hugging. in the middle of the night. he didn’t care that you were getting him and his clothes wet, and he didn’t care that he couldn’t go to sleep. he was simply focused on you and what was going on. he softly rubbed your back, and every time you would start shake uncontrollably again, he’d just hug you harder.

eventually, he suggested going back in. “y/n, let’s go inside and sit. you can tell me what’s going on and i’ll do my best to help.”

he held the door for you to go in, and you walked in and sat on his couch. he sat right next to you and there was a moment of silence before he decided to speak up. “hey.. y/n look at me. please.”

his words only made you cry more. he place his hand on your chin and slowly lifted it, giving you a slight “please tell me what’s going on” smile.

you took his hand off of your face and held on to his thumb. you were luckily able to get a hold of yourself and explained to him what had just happened, crying in between sentences. he didn’t take his eyes off of you for a second. he stayed there and listened to absolutely everything you had to stay, his thumb still in your hand. by the time you were done, any trace of makeup that was still on your eyes was a done deal, and it was all smeared on your cheeks. he took a deep breath and gave his opinions.

“wow.. y/ex/n is a fucking scumbag. no like seriously, what the actual fuck. who would do that? and especially to someone like you.. y/n you deserve so much better than that piece of shit. fuck him/her.”

you cried, and responded with “no, he/she’s right. i wasn’t worth it and y/bsf/n is so much better fit for him/her. she’s so much prettier and smarter and just better”

pete took a second. “y/n that is so fucking wrong. you can’t say that about yourself. you are beautiful and smart and amazing in every single way. anybody would be lucky as fuck to date you.”

you simply shrugged, he knew that he couldn’t technically change your mind and that you weren’t in a state to really believe that, so you just let it be. he took both of his hands and cupped your face.

“you are perfect.” he tried to wipe your cheeks with his thumbs but it only made things worse, spreading it all across your face. you looked across the room at that large mirror he had hanging on the wall and went “ah”, making fun of the way he made it look.

“hey, at least we have matching raccoon eyes now” pete said, smiling. to that you giggled, and he responded with “gahhh, there’s that smile i love”, as he hugged you again.

still sniffling but now with a smile on your face, you whispered “thank you” in his ear.

“anytime. and listen, you don’t get to talk about my best friend like that.” he responded

sending him another smile, you went to his bathroom to wash your face.

best friend, he said. nothing more.

while you still loved your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, you always secretly had a crush on pete. it was ever anything you would’ve acted on though. first of all, because of your friendship. you wouldn’t want to ruin the way things were. second, because you were dating someone. you loved them and you wouldn’t just cheat... but apparently they would. and did. third, you had just had your heart broken. you were in no state of mind to just go and admit your crush. but god, was it tempting. and it’s not like if you were to, you would want to start dating him. he most likely wouldn’t like you back, and even if he did, you wouldn’t want to date. you learned that you needed to take things slow, and pete knew that about himself too.

you walked back out, and you noticed that pete was in the kitchen, making tea. he knows that you love it. he saw you glaring and smiled, going “what? you love it.” you started to giggle because pete is absolutely not a tea person, but the gesture is just so cute. “shut up,” pete jokingly went, “we’re watching spongebob to help calm you and you’re sleeping here tonight”

“oh petey! how you’re just the sweetest!” you mocked him, smiling at each other.

you went to his closet to get a bunch of blankets, and soon enough, y’all were sitting & cuddling on his couch, watching spongebob on his couch, drinking tea, and cuddled up in a multitude of blankets. you were still worn out from sobbing and very tired, but. it was the perfect comfort spot. he always knew what to do. he was your comfort person.

he started smoking a blunt, (that’s pete for you) and he offered if you wanted a hit, but you declined. smirking, he decided to put it out. after an episode, it was already 4 am. you knew he was tired and so were you, so you suggested going to sleep, but pete insisted that y’all finish the episode. neither of you were really paying attention but it was kind of just playing in the background.

pete starts talking about random stuff going on, life stuff, making little jokes, the SNL show that he just did, etc etc. he’s sitting back on the couch and you’re on his side, head on his chest. you’ve cuddled platonically before so it’s nothing new. you’re both watching the screen and going in and out of conversation. at some point, you lift your head up off his chest, and you just stare at him while he’s continuing his story. he doesn’t really notice you getting up, and continues to talk about a recent standup he did.

watching his face, his jaw moving, talking, the way he speaks and the way his voice sounds, something changes in you and you feel the urgent need to kiss him. he notices that you’re looking at him. he turns his head and looks down at you. the second he notices that you’re staring at him, his words slowly fade out and he just looks into your eyes, forgetting what he as saying before. you’re still in his arms, but your head is up and you’re just staring at each other. there’s about 5 inches between your faces, and your heart starts racing. his does too.

“pete” you quietly whisper.

he softly presses his lips into yours and you kiss him back. his hand runs through your hair. his lips are perfect and it’s like you two were made for each other. the kiss lasts for like 10 seconds, and he slowly pulls away. you’re both at a loss for words, and you’re still staring into each other’s eyes. pete, breathless, quickly glances that the digital clock underneath his tv.

“wow,” pete says. “i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember for this to happen and it happens at 4:20,” slowly creeping up a smile.

“i kno-” you start to respond, when you fully realize what he just said. you cackle out and can’t stop laughing, neither can he.

you pull him back into you as you’re both still giggling and you softly make out for a little longer. eventually you fall asleep in his arms, right on his couch. with spongebob still playing in the background :)

i hope u enjoyed my very first mess of a story <3 requests are open!

🤍🤍🤍

[nothingtoseehd]

eah characters as cavetown songs

this was inspired by @/applewhiteapologist's eah characters as taylor swift songs, sooooooo yeah

some characters might not be here because: 1. it's hard to find songs for them (as of right now) 2. i forgot them/i'll do them if i have more time

apple white - devil town v2/green

-i chose devil town v2 because it seemed the most, uh, apple out of all the devil town versions? devil town v1 seems edgy-ish, and devil town v3 seems lower and calmer, i think???? maybe i just chose this because it has those light, floaty chords, i'm not sure, i'm not smart or anything -also i honestly felt like this was hard -i chose devil town because it could represent the future she pictured in her mind when raven didn't sign the book -i don't really know what to explain green, but like, ashlynn and apple in true hearts day??? that's the best way i could explain this song -lyric analysis time: --"i still get a little scared of something new, but I feel a little safer when i'm with you, falling doesn't feel so bad, when I know you've fallen this way too" ---apple is "a little scared of something new" because she's in for an unpredictable future without the storybook of legends ---for the falling part, it's like she's not so sad about being led astray when she's with her friends maybeeeeeee -lyrics for green because i can't explain it but it's just THERE: --"you looked so good in green i hope you’re well and you look so good with him and i’m proud of you still take care of my shirt warm and red i hope you think of me still as your friend i hope you love yourself your body and heart i hope you feel happy that’s all i want that's all i want"

raven queen - devil town v1 (dang it there's no purple text so have plain text)

-i just chose devil town v1 because i think it would work well with her guitar, i actually don't know how guitar works but i'm pretending to know how it works, don't tell anyone i don't know how they work -i think this song could represent her home life and whatnot because she's living with the evil queen -it's lyric analysis time!!: --"you said something dumb again, she's mad, at least that's what they say" (i just used orange so the lyrics wouldn't blend in as much) ---the something dumb thing could be like a 'nice deed' the evil queen doesn't like, and she's mad because of that --"we're all dead in devil town, that's fine, cause nothing's gonna scare us now" ---she's 'dead' after all the nagging and 'be eviL EMBRACE YOUR INNER EVIL' shit and it's now the normal, and it's not going to scare her since it's basically her life now -also slowed devil town can fit her too

madeline hatter - hug all ur friends/talk to me

-she's just so friendly?????? and supportive?????? and oh gosh i need a hug???????? -seriously though, they suit her because she feels so much like a huggy, supportive person and she's friends with everyone sooooooooooooo, hugs for everyone!! except you crystal!! and headmaster grimm!! not forgiving for the time you almost banished maddie!! -the lyrics because i can't explain these songs, it's just that maddie vibe, you know?: --"life’s too short to worry about things that we got wrong, so hug all your friends and let them know, you’re not letting go, i’m not letting go" (hug all ur friends) --"you don't have to be a prodigy to be unique you don't have to know what to say or what to think you don't have to be anybody you can never be that's alright, let it out, talk to me" (talk to me)

briar beauty - pigeon

-i had a very hard time with her but i think this kinda fits -it generates a sleepy vibe? (even though i didn't get this from the sleepyhead album *cough cough*) -okay, so the reason why i chose this for her is because of the chorus, which could kind of tie in with her destiny, with the 100 year coma -have the chorus for reference: --"didn’t give me time to say goodbye in the way that i wanted to, so honey, close your eyes and stay like you’re supposed to do, don’t know how i’m gonna live without, but i’ll stay strong for you"

ca cupid - sweet tooth/for you

-this is already self-explanatory if you listened to the song(s), buT IF YOU HAVEN'T YET, basically it's a song about an unhealthy crush and love and stuff -and you know who she has an unhealthy crush on???? that's right, it's blondie!! /hj (but seriously, in canon it's dexter but uH, i refuse to believe that, they're better off as friends) -lyric examples because like maddie, i can't really explain it but i know the vibe is THERE: --"a sweet tooth for you, i'm wide awake, the sugar went straight to my brain, feel like a kid, i double tap, my chest with my fist, i like you, say it back, say it back"

cerise hood - snail

-snail iS SUCH A GREAT SONG OMG -snail kinda represents her childhood and 'not wanting to be born like this' because of her parents technically breaking destiny (stupid storybook of legends) -lyrics from the song because i kinda don't really need to explain this song more: --"i was just born like this, wish that i could change it" --"i'm hanging out with the foxes and the hounds, and when i fit in i'll break back out"

daring charming - boys will be bugs/lemons (technically cavetown is just a feature but he's still there so yeah)

-it's just about the vibes -and also about the fact that the person in the songs have to uphold some sort of standard (the songs' standards were about masculinity) and i thought it could fit daring because he also has to uphold a standard (being the perfect charming prince) -also in lemons, daring's part is the one where cavetown sings it (if that wasn't obvious) -also ANOTHER LEMONS SIDE NOTE, i'd imagine rosabella singing brye's part, just because -lyrics time: --"don't mess with me, i'm a big boy now and i'm very scary i punch my walls, stay out at night, and i do karate don't message me 'cause i won't reply, i wanna make you cry ain't that how it's supposed to be? though it isn’t me boys will be bugs, right?" (boys will be bugs) --"so i'm gonna take it out on you too proud to show i'm hurting push it on you 'til you're burning" (lemons)

darling charming - 888/trying

-888 is a fun song, very groovy, has peppa pig plasters, 10/10 -main reason i chose 888, it kinda feels gay when you put it under a certain light?????????? -and snail could also fit with darling but i don't want to rob cerise -i was very stuck for a second song for darling because i felt obligated to give the charming siblings two songs because they're that top tier, but i think trying could be a good fit to some extent -could be like 'not great relationship with parents, struggle to fit with their standards ever since she found out she wanted to be a hero or something' -i still do think snail is a better fit for darling but i really really don't want to rob cerise because cerise is amazing -some lyrics: --"i'm workin' things out clouds lookin' strange papercut fingers dancing on the strings if i could see you right now i'd dance just for you when the nightlight goes out" (888) --"please let me know if you change your mind cause inside i'm falling And I need you to pull me out of this decline i realize how hard on you this must seem But trust me when i say it's far, far worse for me" (trying)

dexter charming - telescope/home

-telescope just feels like his vibe???? also because it kinda also have hopeless romantic-ness???? -also i headcanon him to be an astronomy nerd???? so that's fun???? that's my reasoning i guess???? (also, side-note i have just listened to astronomy by conan gray and it fits dexter) -ALSO HOME IS HERE BECAUSE DEXTER IS TRANS YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND -also because it's also his vibe??????? -what time is it????? *clap clap* it's lyrics time!!: --"through the lens, it's dark, single-digit on the clock singing, "yessiree, i sure like-a you a lot" all i need is to get her she'll be happy if you let her" (telescope) --"turn off your porcelain face i can't really think right now and this place has too many colors, enough to drive all of us insane are you dead? sometimes i think i'm dead cause i can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head but i don't wanna fall asleep just yet" (home)

okay the process of this post was just me staring at the lyrics and listening to cavetown a lot, sometimes during online classes but shhhh don't tell anyone (and finding more great songs)

is this post going to flop?? very very likely. do i care? eh, not sure, this was just me trying to put on my big brain hat.

also i realized while reading this post, that i never actually analyzed the majority of the songs' lyrics in this post?? so i'm very sorry

[modern-vellichor]

In Her Blood; One

Pairing: Dads Best Friend!Bucky x reader

Warnings: Age gap (reader is 24 ish, bucky is like 100 yk), daddy issues, uncomfortable home life, mentions of abortion/unwanted pregnancy, implied smut, steve being a shitty dad, smoking.

Bucky stood, leaning against the kitchen island in his best friends house. Steve is standing opposite him, Sam sitting at the kitchen table, their daughter, Sarah, next to him.

He hears the door open and close, the sound of wheels on hardwood floor. Then he hears a voice, sweet and song like, calling out

"hello?"

Sarah's face lights up, she jumps from her chair and just as another girl appears in the door, she leaps into her arms. The other girl chuckles, throwing her arms around Sarah and cooing. "Hey, chicken, I missed you"

The girl dislodges herself from Sarah, smile plastered on her face, beaming. She wraps an arm loosely around Sam's shoulder, "Hiya, dad", she places a soft kiss on his head.

She simply nods at Steve, a look almost chastising him was thrown. "Steven".

And then she turns to Bucky, and sticks out a hand. Her tone changes to something familiar and sweet.

"And you must be Bucky", he takes her hand, "I'm Y/N"

Bucky is confused, he doesn't remember Steve ever talking about a Y/N in his life. Apparently his confusion was evident, because she bursts into offended laughter, scoffing at Steve.

"Oh, he didn't tell you about me? that's rich", she stated, rolling her eyes. She turned her attention back to Bucky.

"Hi, I'm their eldest daughter", Bucky couldn't hide his surprise.

Steve never told him he had two daughters, he only ever spoke about Sarah. Sarah who aced her SATS, Sarah who started law school in September, Sarah who was his proud and joy. And now here was this new girl, who couldn't have been older than 25, standing tall and stoic before him.

Sarah and Sam observed the scene from the table, they watched with a sadness in their eyes.

Instead of questioning further, he simply introduced himself, smiling at the girl and shaking her hand. Doing anything to diffuse the suffocating tension.

"Yeah, I'm Bucky. It's nice to meet you"

"You too, you live close?"

"just down the road, what about you?"

"Art school in Paris, home for the summer"

She had a twinkle in her eyes as soon as she mentioned Paris, Bucky's smile grew wider, as did hers.

"Paris?"

"Paris", she nodded, excited.

"That must be nice"

"Its beautiful, much nicer than this shithole. Its heaven on earth over there" They spoke as Sam dragged Steve out of the kitchen into the hall, and as Sarah disappeared to her bedroom.

Sam pulled Steve out by the arm, dragging him away from the kitchen, away from Y/N.

"what the hell, Steve? you don't even talk about her? Shes your daughter!", he whispered as loudly as he could, scalding his partner.

Steve sighed, running a hand over her face. "She doesn't want anything to do with me"

"That's your fault, you gave up on her before her life had even started. You told her you didn't want her. Did you even know she was coming home? Did you care enough to remember?"

"I remember her telling Sarah something about it, Sarah passed on the message, wasn't paying attention"

"Christ's Sake, Steve"

-

Sarah ran to her room. Away from the looks her father gave her sister, away from the tension, away from her dad's tears, away from the memories flooding back to her.

She hated Steve for ruining Y/N the way he did, and he hated him even more for never apologising. She doesn't blame Y/N for running away to Paris either, she seems happier there.

She still loves her father though, that would never change.

Bucky sat with Sam at the table, beer in hand. Steve had long retired to bed, the two girls were giggling in Sarah's bedroom. The two men were silent, and in Buck's need for conversation, he let his curiosity get the better of him.

"What's the deal with Y/N?"

Sam paused, for a second and then sighed.

"She's Steve's bio daughter, had her with some woman a few years back, before we got together, before Sarah. When Sarah came around their relationship went to shit, Steve didn't like it. She ran away to Paris for school, stopped talking to Steve, dont blame her"

"sounds tough. How old was she when she left?"

"22, poor Sarah was only 16, broke her heart to see Y/N leave"

Bucky was used to being around all the time, but now summer had rolled around, he was here all the time.

practically living in their house. Sarah was used to his presence, but Y/N was wary. She rarely spoke, especially when Steve was around. She grasped at any chance to get out of the house, or to lock herself in her room.

It was either 'bonding time with her sister', or 'making up for lost time', and if not that it was 'school work', or 'extra curriculars'.

Bucky woke in a sweat, he had slept in the guest bedroom. Nightmares followed him though. He silently made his way down the stairs, padding softly on the carpet. The backdoor was ajar slightly, the familiar smell of smoke wafting through the crack.

He pushed it open to find you, blanketwrapped around your shoulders, cheeks wet from old cheeks, a cigarette smouldering between dainty fingers.

He said nothing as he sat next to you, mimicking your position, crossing his legs. He brought the cigarette to his lips, taking in a long drag, before handing it back to you. You laughed, "I didn't think you smoked"

You brought the smoke to your lips, tasting him on the butt, infused in the filter.

"I used to, back in the war"

"everyone smoked back in the war" Bucky nodded along, smiling with you. You rested your head on his shoulder, he smelled familiar and soft.

"What's the deal with you and your dad"

In a moment of exhaustion fueled vulnerability, you didnt think about your answer, instead just spewing out the truth.

"I dont think he actually wanted me, I think he just couldn't let my mom get an abortion"

You sat together, in silence for a while, before you sat up, and turned your body to face him. You studied him. You traced his statuesque features, steely eyes, plump lips, your eyes played at his carved abdomen, dancing over his arms, one shining in early morning light.

He studied you in turn, tired and sad eyes, smoke spilling softly over perfect lips. Beautiful body curling in on itself in the cold.

You leaned forward, lost in your subconscious, desperate for a close look, you wanted to see the cracks and pores and scars littering his tan skin. "why are you awake?", you whispered.

"nightmare"

Your eyes fell to your legs as you giggled softly, "so that makes two of us"

"well maybe I can make you feel better"He gripped your chin, forcing your gaze to his. It was strangely intimate, that's what hurt the most. He pressed his lips to yours. You returned the kiss of course. Desperate and vulnerable, your arms snaked around his neck, his hands pawing at your hips and thighs.

This was wrong, you knew it was. You had already decided that this was a bad idea, you didn't care. Not with his fingers playing at the hem of your shirt, or carded in your hair, tugging lightly to pull the sweetest of moans from the depths of your chest.

Oh, you'd regret this later. But now, you were lost in the feeling of his lips on your neck, and his hands down your shorts. The soft silk of your bed sheets were a welcome contrast to hard metal and hot flesh. A welcomed distraction from the pure filth he whispered against your skin, leaving colourful bruises in his wake.

"please", you mewled over and over as he chuckled darkly. You knew this was wrong, but those thoughts weren't at the forefront of your mind as cool fingers expertly invaded your body and his tongue was licking hot stripes up your bare thighs.

Then, as you were slowly coming down from a lust drunk state of mind, he had the guts to pull you close against his chest. You knew who Bucky Barnes was. You knew he was best friends with Steve and Sam. You knew his past, you knew his present. Here you were, curled against him like he cared.

You weren't stupid. You knew he had objectified you to gods end. You knew that he thought you were less of Steve's daughter than Sarah. He had completely dissociated you from Steve and Sam, Sarah too.

So you waited, until his breathing had slowed and his heart rate was near nonexistent. And you pulled him off of you, and you sat yourself up, swinging your legs onto your carpeted floor. Back bone straight. He didn't care so much now, he definetly didnt act it-

He moved, rolling towards you, snaking his arms around your waist and humming.

"hey"

You froze.

"hey", you stared down at the man in your bed, strands of dark hair framing his herculean face. Blue eyes boring into yours.

"I'm sorry"

"for what?"

"about you and Steve, it must be tough"

You pulled the hair tie from his hair, snapping it around your wrist, running slender fingers through knotted locks.

"don't you worry about it"

"I suppose i'll see you to it, then", he untangled himself from you and picked his belongings up from the floor, pulling his clothes back on.

"see you around, soldier", you smiled.

He stopped in your doorway, throwing a smile back at you. "you too, kotenok"

[firstknightss]

GWAINCELOT ESSAY THREE???

[commentary voice] ah yes and this gwaincelot essay.... which turned into a fic was inspired by @nextstopparis and @little-ligi

GWAINE TEACHING LANCELOT HOW TO READ. and thats how they actually CONFESS.

imagine gwaine seeing lancelot trip up reading leon’s plan for the day, seeing him trying to understand it. and gwaines, hes a little in love. Hes. Hes a little hit with feelings for this Noble (tm) knight. So OF COURSE he CANT EMOTION and he tries to show his affection for lancelot without yknow being in ‘loVE’

he comes over with his swishy hair and bantery tone like “oooOhHh LANCELOT! Lancey! Hey! Hello! Can’t read leon’s goddamn awful handwriting huh?”

And Lancelots embarrassed and flushes red and gwaine thinks hes Fucked Up (and he really doesn’t want to fuck this up, this is the first time he’s actually felt emotions this deep for someone) and tries to fix it panickedly, like the Anxiety Clown He Is.

He keeps on saying sorry and apologising, and Lancelot, the EVER CALM KNIGHT GUY, goes “it’s fine, it’s okay. It’s nothing to do with you...” and then he hesitates. He HESITATES. “....it’s just that...” and then he BITES HIS LIP and gwaine thinks he might just faint there and then, “...i cant read.”

and now it hits him, gwaine, gwaine, who thought literacy was something trash and something he didn’t really need, realises how important it is. and so, yknow because hes kind of wrapped in those Emotions (tm), he pulls lancelot’s sleeve after practice, when they’re alone in the changing room. (and if lancelot wasn’t so tired and miserable, he would have easily seen gwaine BLUSH)

And he, shyly asks if lancelot wouldnt mind being tutored by him.

Now Lancelot is OVERJOYED, and he’s borderline CRYING because lancelot, poor old village boy lancelot who’d been kicked out of the knights of camelot, and had to become a MERCENARY and fight for masters who didn’t care for him, has NEVER HAD someone literally CARE about him so much. (Apart from Merlin. He loves merlin <3)

so now imagine lancelot waking up an hour early the next morning, and showing up into gwaine’s room. He knows gwaine literally doesnt sleep with a lock, so he just barges in, and starts shaking gwaine.

Now GWAINE sleeps like a Log (had so much shit going on irl, time to sleep it away) and when he opens his bleary eyes, seeing lancelot in one of his stupid v neck shirts over him, hes like “....h...helo??”

and lancelot’s all like. “We- werent YOU gonna give me reading lessons.” And gwaine nods, yawning (and in that moment lancelot thinks gwaine looks unimaginably cute, so cute that he wants to literally ruffle gwaine’s hair and run his hands through how silky and brown it is.)

THEN gwaine pulls on the dont care-ish mask, and makes his arms into a pillow under his head, as he leans against the wall behind his bed, in some kind of somewhat???flirty??? manner??? [i dont...i dont know what hes trying to do. On the other hand! Not does Lancelot :) ]

Lancelot, does not realise this is gwaine’s poor attempt at flirting - since he’s seen gwaine ACTUALLY flirting and this is like. Nothing. And its also poorly executed. Which is NOTHING like gwaine.

So he pulls gwaine’s arm, and half hauls him out of bed.

As gwaine’s head crashes into lancelot’s stomach, he can smell lancelot’s clothes. They smell of flowers, and cotton and everything so natural and gwaine, who literally smells of wine, and wood and Tavern. (And aftershave, or the 500AD equivalent)

[see here, see im trying to bring themes of dionysis okay. OkayyyyyyyyY. yours truly likes looking at greek mythology. And both these two complete dionysis]

Gwaine, in his sleepy stupor, nestles his head on Lancelot’s hip, who gives a sigh and stands there. One hand clutching gwaine’s, leaving the other free.....

....to rake through his soft, flowy brown hair. And twirl his fingers through its waves, and Gwaine cuddles in further.

And since Lancelot left the door open, Leon (the other bitch who wakes up at 4am to do idk nothing) sees them two...like that, illuminated by the SUNLIGHT behind them, and smiles a little.

And then he trips over the stairs, the moment is lost.

Gwaine and Lancelot pull away at the same time, and gwaine’s face turns back to “ha ha im a Jerk (tm)” and if he wasnt too busy trying to hide how flustered he was, he’d see Lancelot looking at him the way he used to look at GWEN.

They both blink and look at each other, understandingly, neither of them to speak of this again.

And then Gwaine drags himself out of bed, and Lancelot raises his eyebrows as he watches him (totally not checking him out) haul out a book from his cupboard.

Gwaine’s too sleepy for this, he keeps yawning and rubbing his eyes (looking like a cat, Lancelot notes) and Lancelot takes a deep breath, his eyes understanding.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Lancelot, I love..” he bites his tongue, cursing his half asleep mind “..doing this, and love hanging out with you...I just cant stay up this early.”

Reading lessons, from now on, are at 1:30am-whenever Gwaine and Lancelot stop rambling about Odysseus and Circe and Telemachus

[i dont know any other ancient books apart from like. Ancient greek/Roman ones. So i guess. Its not historically accurate,,,,BUUIT this is a fanfic for a pair who had like no scenes together SO i think i can take some ✨creative liberties✨]

Lancelot has heard of the journey of Aneas from travelling bards, singing songs in his native old english. Gwaine’s eyes are quick at latin, and he learnt the flaws of Romulus and Remus in his pure latin. Gwaine’s a good teacher, and lancelot is a quick study, and it’s not long before they’re arguing over which Goddess caused the most harm in the Illiad.

Gwaine’s never met someone who he could reveal that he loved reading to, he loved doing.

Lancelot’s never met someone who he could tell he couldn’t read, and ask if they could teach him, love learning.

They make it work.

The other knights notice, of course they notice. Percival notices how Lancelot stumbles into the Gwaine’s room at night, bright eyed. Elyan notices Lancelot and Gwaine’s voices from Gwaine’s room opposite him; sometimes slow, Gwaine speaking slowly and Lancelot following; sometimes heated and passionate.

(They’re arguing. They’re arguing about how to pronounce Minerva)

Merlin finds the two, in the early hours of the morning - when the birds are figuring what song they sing today - on Gwaine’s bed.

Gwaine leaned against the bedframe, his trousered legs splayed over the sheets. Loosely braided, long brown hair fell over his closed eyelids, his mouth in a small smile.

And Merlin follows his arm draped over Lancelot, snuggled beside him, his head on his broad shoulder, every breath of wind pushing against curly black hair, making it almost /bounce/. His eyes are covered by the other man’s hair, and he looks...content. More content than Merlin has ever seen him.

He slips out as quietly as he came in, and smirks, hes gotta tell arthur they finally got their shit together oh GOD

Its no surprise to anyone but them, when Arthur pulls Lancelot out of training, and into his chambers.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone Lancelot.” He starts, his face geniune, his voice giving away hints of relief. (He thought he was never going to see his knight smile again after all the ordeals that had happened to him)

“Oh...” Lancelot’s heart sinks, “...how did you find out, Sire?”

Arthur blinks, taking in the change of mood in Lancelot, maybe it wasn’t anything important, maybe they were trying to keep it casual, hell they didnt want the king knowing.

“I- uh, I just noticed...” Goddamnit Merlin, and Goddamn his need to tell him everything he saw. (Merlin had advised him not to do this, as they sat on his bed after a long night. This was really his fault.)

Lancelot pales, and he places his hands down on the table beside him, palms slapping stone as he did so.

“Well, I guess I should tell you the whole truth then,” his voice is quiet, and Arthur steps closer, “Sire I am not of Noble birth, and was born in a village - as you know.”

Arthur nods, his arms crossed, but his Kingly Bravado fell away at the sight of his knight, and one of his closest friends, being this vulnerable.

“Yes I know, but what does this ha-“

“And we children in the village we-“ he falters, “-we were never taught to read.”

“Yes, no I understand, I-“ he pauses, Lancelot’s words hitting him a bit too late, this was about literacy?

This, this whole conversation was about literacy?

Not being gay?

Merlin was going to have a field day

“Sire?”

“I understand Lancelot, and is this why you feel a little out of place with the other knights?” He carries it on, with a smile, he has a few questions to ask merlin.

“Yes, and that’s why I asked Gwaine to tutor me from time to time, although, the sessions carry through late into the night, which may have been affecting my performance at practice. I’ll have you know that this is a temporary th-“

“It’s fine Lancelot,” Arthur places a hand on his shoulder, “You are still exceptional at practice,”

“Thank you Sire,” Lancelot twinkles.

✨

“Theyre, theyre not together?” Merlin cant stop laughing, tears streaming down his face, “theyre not TOGETHER?? oh my God arthur what did you DO”

They sit together on Arthur’s bed, drinking wine from stemless cups together, with Arthur recounting the events of the day; red faced.

“I mean, it was your idea Merlin.”

“I just saw them, and I assumed...I didnt...I didnt think youd ASK them.”

“What do you think I’d do then?? Let them be on their merry way.”

“Yes!”

✨

“Do you like me?” Gwaine asks, unexpectedly, one night, the moon vibrant against the loud sea.

“You’re...tolerable...” Lancelot says, a smile tugging at his lips, as the silver moonlight falls against his hair, a halo around him.

✨

The knights give them the look every morning, as the two of them stumbled out of the same room, more frequently than ever.

Sometimes Lancelot would throw on Gwaine’s shirt, when he’d crumpled his own beyond repair. Sometimes Gwaine would put some of Lancelot’s hair oil on, when his hair was frizzy.

They gave each other knowing looks when Gwaine and Lancelot started whispering and giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls.

✨

And then Stupid gwaine had to go get fucking stabbed, and their delicate dance was like trying to waltz through a minefield.

Lancelot clutches onto Gwaine’s arm as Merlin feels his forehead with shaking hands.

“He’s burning up.”

“Infection...?” Lancelot sounds broken, and nods, fumbling with his pack to find some bandages.

It was just a simple quest; a save the day, get the girl, do various harmless shenanigans type of quest.

He’d half expected Gwaine to get the girl, and he cant help but give out a half choked laugh. Gwaine had no idea what hit him when she turned out to be the evil one all along.

He tries to forget that Gwaine showed no interest in her, he tries to forget that Gwaine’s been less frequent at the Tavern, he tries to forget that he hasn’t seen Gwaine with anyone since months now.

Gwaine, his beautiful Gwaine was lying on his lap, hot red blood rushing from his side, staining his polished chainmail with dark, sticky blood.

He’s been out for nearly an hour now, and Lancelot remembers carrying him, through the entire forest, forgetting his sword and his helmet and just grabbing Gwaine and getting the shit out of there.

Gwaine’s lack of self preservation was really rubbing off on Lancelot nowadays.

Merlin watches as Lancelot holds back tears, his own eyes stinging. Gwaine can’t die like this, he can’t die like this....

“hælan beorn adl”

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold, and Lancelot could feel warmth coming back into the fingers he was grabbing.

He was coming back.

And then the weight of everything hits him.

He was in Fucking Love.

✨

“Hey.” Gwaine’s voice is rough from disuse, but Lancelot nearly sobs when he hears the voice.

“Don’t fucking do that to me again, amor meus.” He puts his head down on Gwaine’s chest; finding the hammering of his heart calming.

He shimmies onto Merlin’s bed, which Gwaine had been lying in for the past few days.

“Did you mean, ami meus?” Gwaine sounds tired, too tired to be awake.

“Huh? Did i say something else?” Lancelot decides to play dumb, a sparkle in his eyes,

“I thought I heard amor meus,” Gwaine pushes his nose into Lancelot’s hair, taking in the wonderful smell of coconut.

“Well then, at least your hearing’s okay, amor meus.”

Gwaine gulped, and was sure Lancelot could hear his loud swallow.

“Lancelot, I hope this isnt a big joke with me teachin you latin and all,” Gwaine’s voice is a little wobbly from the slee deprivation and the magic and the pain numbers, “because I’ll have you know that I really love you, and I cant go on like this any longer,”

“Its okay Gwaine, I learnt latin from the man I love, of course it’s not a joke.”

“The man you love? Who’s tha-“

Realisation hits him like a brick.

Oh.

Oh.

“Me?” His voice cracks, and Lancelot looks up, a smirk on his face.

“Of course dumbass.”

“Like I’m meant to know that,” Gwaine tries to keep his dont care-ish aura, but they both know he’s too exhausted to keep that up.

“mmm?”

Gwaine kisses him on the nose, and he wraps himself around him.

And thats how Merlin finds them later that day, eyes blinking as he stood there.

✨

“I’m glad you’ve found someone, Lancelot.” Arthur coughs.

“Is that what that whole talk was about???”

“Answer the question.” His words sound harsh, but he’s barely hiding a smile.

“I’m glad too, I’m Glad I found Gwaine too.” Lancelot blushes, turning to gwaine.

“Why are you asking anyway, Princess?”

“Oh just, making sure this time.”

[zoey-wades]

Get You (Fluff-ish)

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x Aurora Emery

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: A little flirting and swearing, dassit.

Summary: Bryce and Aurora get to know one another, which pushes our boy into unknown, cavity-inducing territory.

A/N: My number one rarepair that no one else ships. I wrote this because I was bullied by @thecapturedafrique into writing something. I haven't written anything for choices in quite some time, so this is... that something.

_____________________________________________________________

To Be Alone (Part One)

Bryce always believed that fawning--real, genuine, starry-eyed awe--was goofy. He could count on one hand the number of times a partner left him speechless, which was quite a feat. It wasn’t that he believed he was above it; he could never quite understand the position someone would have to be in to feel that way about someone else. But that damn Aurora Emery and her silent but deadly studious stare could bring any man to his knees. He told her as much. Multiple times, in fact. She’d laugh it off as just a huge joke, but Bryce needed her to know that he was being legit. It was important to him that she knew that about herself. Maybe she could reel it in and let him have control over himself for once.

There wasn’t a name for what they were--a fact that Bryce was okay with. At least he thought. Right now they were just comfortable in one another’s company. It’s not that he didn’t want more...the question crossed his mind more than once. But Aurora never once hinted at the fact that she was looking for anything more than companionship. She was blunt. If she wanted something serious, she definitely would’ve said so. Unfortunately, Edenbrook was filled to the brim with nosy fucks. And though he wasn’t necessarily one for hiding his attraction, he knew for a fact that the attention made Aurora uncomfortable. On more than one occasion, he had to tell people to back off when they made comments about “thawing the ice princess.” He would do anything in his power to protect her, if he could. He spent two months of Fridays with her, a ritual that just kind of happened without much planning. They’d talk for hours, and more than once he’d woken up in her bed, with his arms wrapped around her and her head on his chest.

So when Aurora texted him that Friday afternoon about a change of plans, curiosity plagued him.

Bryce: Change of plans, huh? What’s up?

Three bubbles popped up. And then:

Aurora: I wanted to do something different. Same meeting place?

Bryce: Always.

Bryce: Am I allowed to know what that something different is? Or is it a surprise?

Aurora: It wasn’t a surprise.

Aurora: But now I think it is.

Bryce: You’re killin me. Do you know what you do to me, Rory?

There was a long pause as she typed. And then stopped. And then typed again.

Aurora: Where have I heard that before? ;)

And there it was. That boldness that seemed to show up at the most inopportune times and sent a rushing wave of warmth through him. It climbed up the back of his neck and made him huff out a sigh in the middle of the cafeteria.

Bryce: Careful, I might have to take you for a ride in the parking lot. Again.

Aurora: Don’t make threats you can’t follow through with, daddy.

Despite the bravado, Bryce was clearly flustered. He didn’t know it was possible for someone to out-Bryce him. But here he was: red faced and shifty-eyed in the middle of a crowded room. He placed his phone face-down and took a long sip from his water bottle, willing his blood to return to his brain and away from his head. When he was sure that he could resume the conversation without hunting Aurora down for sport, he picked the phone back up.

Bryce: Alright, Miss Emery. I’ll play your games. See you later?

Aurora: xxoo

It was all so corny, he thought to himself. Reading and re-reading her texts, or scrolling through her Instagram to see her even when she wasn’t around...these were actions that he had NEVER considered remotely Bryce-like. Yet there he was, spending his free time thinking about what he’d say to her when he saw her at the end of the day. Thoughts of her were interrupted only when he needed all of his attention to keep people’s organs in place. Or when he needed to write a report. But when all was said and done, his thoughts drifted right back to her. He blinked, and it was the end of the day. He felt his hands shake, and wondered what the fuck he had to be nervous about.

They’d spent so much time together. They were practically together. Weren’t they?

“God damn it,” he muttered to himself, as he ran his fingers through his hair and stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. It always looked good, but for some reason--today of all days--it wouldn’t cooperate, “You are Bryce Fucking Lahela. You don’t get flustered. Jesus.”

He shook his arms out, rolled his shoulders, and took a deep breath.

“Alright,” he sighed, “Let’s go see our woman.”

Aurora looked amazing leaning against the hood of his car. She was dressed in black jeans and a simple tee shirt, with her hair in a bun. But he wanted to kiss her right there in front of everyone, PDA be damned. Her face lit up when she noticed him, and he nearly tripped over his feet as he walked across the parking lot, causing him to pause his steps. Her brows furrowed in concern.

God she was so cute.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking in an attempt to save face. Because of course he did.

“Are you alright, Lahela?” She asked, raising a hand to his forehead, “You’re clammy.” Bryce gently grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it absentmindedly, resulting in a slow grin gracing her pretty features.

“I’m good. I just showered, so my hair is a little wet,” her fingers intertwined with his, and his voice caught in his chest. He cleared his throat, “I-uh...I didn’t want to smell like...well you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She bit her lower lip and glanced over his shoulder before leaning up to place a small peck on his lips. It’d been something she’d done numerous times before. But today it felt different. He couldn’t place what the difference was, but as she pulled back from him, he leaned forward to kiss her again. She smiled against his lips, and placed a hand on his chest.

“Down boy,” she laughed, “save some of that energy for later on.”

His first thought was to say “fuck later on” and take her on the hood of his car. The louder second thought reminded him that she wasn’t going anywhere. That this was different. And he nodded, taking a mental step back.

“So what’s the surprise?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

His hands snaked around her and he rested his forehead on her shoulder. The action was surprisingly intimate, all things considered, “I hate when people say that.”

“You’d think it’d make you ask the question less, then.”

“Hardy-har, smartass.” When she reached up to scratch the back of his head with her nails, he groaned involuntarily and squeezed her, lifting his head to look up at her, “We need to get out of here, and fast.”

Something flashed across her features, and she raised a brow.

“Alright.”

The drive to this supposed secret was a long one. Using Aurora’s GPS directions, the trip led them down numerous winding roads, across a bridge, and through some trees. If he didn’t know any better, he’d guess she was leading him to his own demise. Maybe she was softening up by holding his hand while he steered. And badly singing along to some 90s pop song was just a plot to let his guard down. It was working. She could brandish a knife, and he wouldn’t even notice.

The final destination was a large clearing filled with parked cars, and a large screen projecting some early 00s movie trailers. People milled around, drinking and eating large buckets of popcorn.

“Well shit,” Bryce grinned as he pulled up to an empty spot between two standing speakers, “You brought me to a drive-in?”

Aurora was already unbuckling her seatbelt, “You said you never got to have a normal high school experience. So, I figured we’d make up for lost time. Only if you want to. If you think this is corny, we can do something else.” She paused and turned to him with wide eyes, “You don’t think this is lame, do you?”

Bryce cupped her face in his hands and pressed a loud smack of a kiss on her lips, “Rory, this is perfect.”

As they stood in line waiting to order movie snacks, he looked over at Aurora to find her deep in thought. Her brows were furrowed as she read the menu, and her lips were slightly pursed just begging to be kissed. She muttered something about the prices staying the same for 10 years, completely unaware of the effect she had on him just by existing. Knowing he had a preference for slashers, Aurora brought him to see a double-feature of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer which were both favorites of his. He was surprisingly touched that she remembered. He assumed that she may have forgotten those throwaway comments he made. After all, he wasn’t used to people remembering the small details of his life, and he didn’t mention them often. He’d been working so hard for her trust that he didn’t even realize she’d been working to earn his as well, in her own Emery kind of way.

“Caramel corn?” She suddenly said, and he blinked at her in confusion.

“What?”

“Do you want caramel corn? Or kettle corn? I know you like mixing the salty and the sweet. So I’ll get cheddar,” she pointed at the menu, “And you can get the caramel. And we’ll just…” She made a weird gesture, insinuating mixing the two in a bucket. He randomly felt a pang in his stomach and he had to stop himself from doubling over.

Oh.

“Caramel is perfect,” Bryce said, throwing an arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer, “We can do whatever you want.”

Oh no.

She threw him a funny look, but shook her head and chuckled softly, “Okay then.”

Bryce followed her back to the car like a lost puppy, carrying the popcorn while she carried the slurpees, and he felt the pang in his stomach turn into a dull flutter. Seeing Aurora out of her element was something he had to learn to get used to. Within the walls of Edenbrook, she was perpetually serious. You’d be hard pressed to find her laughing or shaking from nerves. She remained calm and level-headed, always logical, and rarely sentimental unless she was with a patient. The first time he saw Aurora lighten up was when she was among their friend group. Though she seemed partially guarded, in hindsight, it was the first time Bryce saw her fully smile. He recognized that she was beautiful, even then. But there was something about the way that she had a smile reserved especially for him that made that smile pale in comparison. There, in the car, she shook the popcorn in a bag vigorously with the dorkiest grin on her face. He wondered if anyone else ever had the chance to see her like this, and he hoped to God they hadn’t.

“You’re gonna tear the bag, Rory,” he said, laughing along with her, “I’ve never seen someone so violent with popcorn. You should’ve just let me do it. With these arms,” he flexed and she rolled her eyes, “It would’ve taken a lot less time.”

“There’s a method to this,” she shook it one last time for good measure, “You don’t want a pile of one flavor at the bottom. It has to be evenly distributed, come on. You should know this.”

She unrolled the bag opening and tilted it in his direction, “See. I know what I’m doing.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re the genius here.”

“Thank you.” She popped a piece of caramel corn in her mouth.

One thing Aurora failed to share with him was that she was afraid of slashers. She clung to his arm during the tense scenes, hiding her face in his shoulder and jumping when people were killed. During the low moments, Bryce would pull her close and whisper film facts to her, hoping that the realism would make the movies a little more palatable. As the time passed, she relaxed, leaning back into the seat and only slightly jumping when someone died. Her hand slipped into his, and he could feel her pulse race. By the time I Know What You Did Last Summer was over, and Scream was about to begin, half of the popcorn was on the floor from Aurora constantly jumping.

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t like these? We could’ve seen something else, Aurora,” Bryce asked.

She shrugged, scooping small handfuls of popcorn and throwing them out of the open window, “I work in a hospital. I thought I could handle it. Plus, I know you like them...I just wanted to do something fun.”

“I don’t think watching you freak out over a killer in a fishing village is fun,” Bryce half-joked, “Even though I did like having you curled up under me. That was a plus.”

She playfully hit him on his arm.

“I’m serious though,” Bryce said, turning to her, “next time, we can do something we both like.”

“I promise, it’s not that serious,” she shrugged, “I did this all the time in high school. It’s par for the course.”

He felt the uncharacteristic sting of minor jealousy, but quickly pushed the feeling away.

“So you just brought cute guys to the drive-in all the time? I didn’t know teen Aurora was such a player.”

She snorted and shook her head, taking a large sip from her slurpee, “Never that. I was in the science club and boys scared me. I came here with my friends. Maybe my parents.” There was a moment of pause and she swirled the straw around in her cup, “You’re the first guy I’ve ever been here with. So I guess this is like a high school redo for me, too. So...thanks for coming here with me.”

Her voice sounded so soft, and he realized she was sharing more about herself without him having to reassure her that it was safe to do it. Without thinking, Bryce leaned across the passenger seat and kissed her, pulling a soft gasp from her lips. His large hand cupped her chin, and she walked her fingers around the back of his neck. She tasted like Blue Raspberry syrup and smelled like sweet coconut and vanilla shampoo. When she pulled away and rested her forehead against his, she smiled at him and pushed some loose hair away from his face.

“What was that for?”

“I just felt like it. I don’t know. I…” he swallowed hard and shut his eyes, “I think…”

Fuck.

He opened his eyes to see her watching him with a concerned expression on her face, “You think…? Did I do something--”

“I think I love you, Aurora.”

[the1918]

2020 for the1918

Am I the last person to make this list? Maybe. Do I regret that? Yes. Am I making it anyways because my cognitive behavioral therapy is teaching me fix my avoidance issues? Also Yes.

Let’s do this: @The Trees In Front of Cevans’s House and @Bucky’s Arm... you da real MVPs.

But other than them...

Thank You to Everyone that Truly Made My 2020:

@cantabile-l  Jo (Daddy Dumpster™ Co-Founder) — I have to list you first. How could I not? Every friendship I’ve made in this fandom comes back to you. We literally bonded over porn lookalikes and started this craziness called the Stucky Porn Lookalikes Archive ( @stucky-lookalikes-archive ) to preserve the porn, and it now has now has 85k hits and 500 bookmarks (!!!?!!). But it’s more than that, even more than starting the Daddy Dumpster™ and bonding over culihos. Bespoke got finished because you got me excited enough to want it, just like half a dozen other fics. You were also the basis for many, many other friendships that I list below. Your nesting head canons were the inspiration for so, so many A/B/O moments in my fics. We’re so on the same length on an intellectual and spiritual level (I feel like you and me and @ixalit are three parts of one whole ❤) and I am in love with you for it. Culihos forever.

@hanitrash​ Hani (O.G. Dumpster™ Citizen) —I’m so, so damn glad you’re in my life. We share that sick sense of humor and refusal to adopt a filter. You add flavor to our Dumpster™ with your wit, and I feel so warm when you share pics and updates about the family with us. You were the first person I ran to when I “discovered” HTP and you held my hand 😂 And Jesus—your talent. I could go on and on and on about Through The Darkness I Heard Your Voice and Private Showing, but also one of my New Year’s resolutions is to start reading your work as Loralynne Summers. Thank you for making me smile every day of last year since April.

@trekchik Jini (O.G. Dumpster™ Citizen) — I can’t speak to the number of laugh-out-loud, belly-grabbing, cackling moments I have had in a year that could easily have been shit otherwise, all because of you. I feel like you’ve truly become a member of my family; like, I see you posting in the Dumpster™ when I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, “Oh, what’s the fam up to today?”. I know I’ve gone on and on about your talent (absolute queen of dialogue and pacing) before, but I don’t thank you enough for keeping the Porn Archive alive when the rest of us are slacking. Your Stucky Tumblr Drabbles (especially the meet cutes) puts a smile on half the fandom’s face regulary, and I’m excited to re-read the wonderful Anagnorsis & Peripeteia soon. Here’s to another year of weird dildo pictures.

@thegodswife Amanda (Dumpster™ Citizen) — I feel like we were literally destined to become friends. The love I feel for you and your little family is real and immense, and I feel like your victories (in life and in writing) are my victories. You have made a slow but steady convert of me to Shrinkyclinks with fics like peaches and because it's christmas, and I am in awe of your talent for writing charged dynamics with jaw-dropping moments. This fandom is lucky to have such a gem as you. 2021 is going to be the Year of Amanda (*clinks Lindeman’s Framboise glasses 🥂*)

@ixalit Max (Dumpster™ Citizen) — My relationship with you has and continues to be lifechanging for more reasons than I can even go into on tumblr. You make me laugh. You make me cry (usually in good ways). You make me horny by supplying the #porn-and-fun as the dutiful resident horny teenage boy of Dumpster™. I remember so clearly when we first messaged talking about your Evanstan thoughts and fics, and I knew your writing was special then (omg, Hiraeth?? How dare). You deserve all the success you earned in 2020 and every bit more success that you will continue to have this year. There is no one else I would rather have with me as we make this ~journey through Song of the Rolling Earth together. 

@becassine Bex (Dumpster™ Citizen) — What can I say about my lucky charm? 🍀 I found our friendship later in the year and I feel it was truly central to the way I finished out my year with a bang (lol). Your encouragement to finish Bespoke supercharged me, and I’m still riding that high in writing SoRE. But for every bit we talk about you being the Queen of Hype (Becassine, First of Her Name), I am also stunned by your own gorgeous writing. The Way I Feel For You is a gift to this fandom and it’s gonna keep rocking our world, along with any other creative endeavor you choose to embark on. Thank you for the treasure of your continued friendship.

@darter-blue​ Bec (Dumpster™ Citizen) — My gorgeous, gorgeous cunt of a friend. What ever am I going to do with you? I feel like you and I have clicked so perfectly and so instantly, and I feel such a strong connection to you. I have been enamored with your skill and your style since I first stumbled across your Sergeant Barnes and Colonel Rogers: A Love Story series and then rapidly gobbled up your other writing. Getting to collab with you on No Vacancies was a dream come true. You make me feel so connected to the outside world and humanity even in this bizarre time and even though you’re on the other side of the world.

@kalee60 Kel (Dumpster™ Citizen) — You flawless sass-master. You brilliant human. You tricky little bastard. What a perfect addition to the Dumpster™ you have been! And your talent, Jesus... just being around you makes me want to write. I have truly never seen someone with as much talent write so prolifically, and I am in very real awe of it. If I had to pick “Fic of the Year” for me, I would not hesitate to pick Push The Button—it turned my world upside down—but for as much as we talk about that epic, your AU Extravaganza is really miracle to behold. And I am so, so pumped for you during this exciting time coming up in your life. Here’s to magnificent year for you in 2021!

@andysmountains​ Andy Gator Lord 🐊 — You’ve changed my life. I’m sitting here and I honestly don’t know how else to put it. You’re hilarious and you’re a ball of sunshine and you have kept this breeder feeling rooted to reality (in a great way) and remembering how to smile during some of the shittiest times I can remember. Newts. You’ve helped me explore my identity, and I’m not sure what greater gift you could have given me. Also, I’ve never heard true love whispered more sincerely than when I see 🔪—and I would give you nine hundred and ninety-seven 🔪 now if not for the fact that you have literally beat me to it.  

@ceratonia-siliqua Cera — We’ve shared so much. I feel so privileged that you’ve picked me to be a person that you want to talk to during hard times because you’re such a special guy, and because you’ve got talent that the world needs to see forever and ever and ever (I continue to blown away by what you did in Sunshine, and none of us are ready for Quilt Fic™) and I hope you never stop writing your whole damn heart out. I truly love you. I do. Thank you for reminding me that there is endless humanity and prose in this world.

@howdoyousleep3​ K — I feel like 2021 couldn’t be starting off better now that you’re in my life again. Last year was largely defined for me by the time I spent with you, and I’ve truly been changed by you and your writing. You are an endless amount of inspiration for me and this whole community; I would bet real money that the number of Daddy Kink converts that owe their new *interest* to finding your Daddy Steve Rogers/Baby Bucky Barnes series numbers in the hundreds (not to mention your other AUs). But fics aside, I had so many smiles and laughter throughout 2020 because of you, and I owe such a big part of my happy heart to you and your presence in my life. You have a huge, caring heart. Cheers to Cevans continuing to be a giant, bro-ish man slut and us never stopping giving him shit for it — and here’s to Trucker Bucky and his bug.

@lullabybeauty Bee — I’m not sure I would still be writing if it weren’t for you. The interest you took in my fics and endless support you’ve provided have turned me into a real-life 🥺🥺🥺 face so many times I can’t count them. But more than the hype you provide, you are an amazing person, and I hope you never stop putting (and ceaselessly keeping) the word out in our community through your blog that Black Lives Matter and black women matter now and forever; it’s far too easy for those of us who are white to let that truth fade from our minds when there’s not something terrible happening in the news, and I’m so thankful for your posts filling up my dash with reminders I need to be a good ally and giving me information to share with others. Thank you for the gift of yourself.

@ywecanthavenicethingsanymore Caroline—You sort of swooped out of nowhere for me and boosted my confidence through the roof. Your comments and your hype and your hilarious tags remind me every day that writers are only half of the fanfiction equation; all we do without supportive friends like you is sit in the corner dreaming of stories we don’t have the confidence or feel-good to put to words. Thank you for your constant support and for being so. damn. cool.

@littlesurfergrl Heather—Oh, Heather. Queen of the A+ tags. Sender of inbox updates about what time you get off of work and why you’re vibrating to read a fic. All-around beautiful person. Your love and support is magic in my veins.

@hoeforthegays Baby J—I am so damn excited for this creative project you’ve taken on; you are so talented. I look forward to our thirst talks all the time. You make me laugh with your screaming and even your advice. Such a source of sunshine in my life.

@capbvckyrogers / @tae-withsuga Cam — You were the first person who ever reblogged a farmer daddy post. You were the first person who ever sent me a prompt. Honestly, you were the first person who ever bonded with me over a character. There zero (0) chance I would have enjoyed fandom (or certainly any kind of creative success) the way that I did in 2020 if not for you. Thank you, endlessly. 

@justice-for-plums​ Kenz — Another “late in the year” friendship find that I am so grateful for. I love our talks! I am so thankful you felt comfortable to reach out and talk about writing. Our workshopping has helped remind me of what works and what doesn’t for me, and I love the creative collaboration on head canons! Excited for more in 2021.

Shrunkyclunks Bitches®, or those not mentioned already above: @dreadlockholiday (co-founder of the Bitches® with @justice-for-plums​ and #1 reason I blushed last year), @oh-i-swear-writes​ @wayward-lives​ @allegedlyann and others I either am missing on tumblr or forgetting (but not because I don’t love you) — Here’s to Cap Steve and modern Bucky and 1,000,000+ words written during our writing sprints in 2021. [Bitches® server membership is open by the way! If you love Shrunkyclunks, contact Dready @dreadlockholiday​].

And to the endless list of others who made me smile, laugh, sometimes cry, feel proud, but always feel that incredible Stucky love — a list that includes but is certainly not limited to @fishcustardandclintbarton,​ @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier, @willbakewithstucky, @hannah-stagram​, @thewaythatwerust​, @bigbraiiin, @musette22, @luninosity​, @fandomfluffandfuck​, @maddiewritesstucky​, @hbalbat, @doctorenterprise​, @epicstuckyficrecs, @k347 and the massive important people I know I am forgetting (...like some BIG ones)

To everyone above and anyone else who has scrolled this far:

Thank you.

Let’s all have a fantastic 2021 🥂

[smolbeandrabbles]

We Were Like - Fraser x Reader (Black Sea)

Prequal to: Quit Breaking Up With Me / Keep The Girl / Makin’ Waves / Hurry Baby But also readable alone! 😁

GIF Credit: X

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

Author’s Note: So I scrapped my original first idea for Fraser, and then this song inspired about 20 different fics. This wasn’t one of them, but it fit the idea so well that it landed here!

Point is, this wasn’t the Fraser fic I was going to give you, but it’s the one you’ve ended up with! 😅

We Were Like - Kelsea Ballerini Such a bop!!!

Disclaimer: Black Sea + Characters not mine / gif not mine / lyrics not mine

Premise: The only reason you have this job is to make the most of your summer on the island. But when your diving partner is replaced with an ex-Navy professional, you start to think maybe you can add a bit of romance...

Words: 9227

Warnings: Swearing / Sexual banter / Oh I guess there is sexual content/connotations too. / a bucket load of yearning

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Two sets of lips on a Pepsi-Cola In the middle of the summertime heat you kept it cool We were west coast kids ridin' 'round in your Chevy Nova Said you'd come back for me when you had to leave to go back to school Bare feet and blue eyes on the boardwalk We were counting the stars and the days 'til you had to go Since then nobody ever made my heart stop Like you did when we lived in that summer glow 'Cause we were like fire Summer breeze, seventies, all-nighter Let the beach be the background choir Singing like oh-oh-oh-oh-oh We were like a movie Said I looked too good in that two-piece And for those three months you knew me Remember those, remember those nights? We were like Yeah, we were like Slow dance, romance, sundress, sunshine Your name, cool rain, so good 'til goodbye We were like Slow dance, romance, sundress, sunshine Your name, cool rain, so good 'til goodbye, yeah Tan skin, golden, tattoo, your smile The end, pretend forever for a while

---

The fan blades spun lazily overhead, keeping the interior cabin cool on the beach front. It was a little too vibrant green, pops of colour all over the place: but this diving school was also a tourist attraction so, that made sense. Fraser gazed around the room, trying to take it all in at the same time as listening to his new employer, a heavily tanned early-twenties handsome man with overly white teeth. The kind of person that would attract tourists to the cabin. Fraser guessed that a lot of the workers here would be exactly the same. He had a native accent; this wasn’t a summer job to him – he’d be here time and again – probably had something else back home for winter… “…I mean, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you half this stuff. Your CV says it all man, it’s a pleasure to have you aboard.” “Thanks.” Fraser meant it, even if he sounded a little blunt. He supposed he was probably the most experienced diver here. This wouldn’t be his preferred choice of employment; he’d much rather be getting his hands dirty on a submarine mission somewhere – but he needed the money, and this was the only thing currently going. The twenty-something flashed him a grin, and was about to say something else when a voice cut over him. “MAC! Do you have the keys for boat 4?!” “Hang on a sec…” Mackenzie, Mac for short, leant back to call to the voice, “Sure! Back here, why what’s up!?” She wandered in, and as predicted had the same young, good-looking draw that Mac did. Only she didn’t have the same accent. “Some of the tanks are running low, not dangerously, but it’ll be just my luck that I get some idiot who can’t breathe properly… I was gonna top them all up again.” “Good shout. Uhmmm…” Mac rummaged around below the counter and held them out for her, “Here you are!” “Thanks!” She was about to turn away, but Fraser was too intrigued not to call out to her; “You’re British!” She turned to him, “Yeah.” Although she raised an eyebrow. “Where you from?” “London. Why?” “Ah, yeah I guess that’s pretty far from me.” She laughed instantly, “You’re Australian.” “Right – but the Royal Navy needed some diving expertise that I had, so, I was doing that for a while and I haven’t left yet.” “Royal Navy? Shit, no way.” She grinned, “My dad was a Navy officer for a long time.” “Well you two are gonna get on like a house on fire I can already tell.” She paused at Mac’s comment and swivelled to him; “Oh! He’s Siany’s replacement?!” “Yeah-!” “He’s a Navy diver-! Where did you-!?” She turned to Fraser again, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry – you’re probably gonna be my new partner. Sweet, can I brag I get the Navy diver now?” Mac held his hands up, “Knock yourself out.” This time she held her hand out to him, “I’m Y/N!” “Fraser.” He shook it firmly, “Looking forward to working with ya!”

 *** It was weird at first, Fraser had come from a background not unlike yours. Your dad was also a diver – retired now, but he had been the one to teach you. Navy service wasn’t your optimal career, and at your age you were weighing up education with employment prospects. Sian had a very different way of running things to him. But Fraser was your senior diving partner now, not her, and while you could take boats out alone and sometimes did if you were busy, Mac liked you going out in pairs. It took you a while to get used to the way he was, you could spend all day diving with him on the boat and he would be the sweetest man, kind and helpful – he liked sharing anecdotes with you from his Navy experiences, and his love of the UK, all the reasons why he was still there, but also in quieter moments teaching you other diving techniques and tips that you’d never heard from anyone else. Fraser was so expert that you couldn’t believe he was here, even when your question was simply answered with a shrug and ‘I needed the money’. It didn’t make sense – why wasn’t everyone killing to sign him up? You were out here for a long hot summer and took this to make money, in order to make the most of it. He was here because, according to him, he had no other choice. He was a fair few years older than the oldest in your group – and when he wasn’t diving with you, Fraser spent a lot of time alone. He didn’t like hanging around with you all, and he was pretty blunt with his ‘no’ whenever one of you extended an invitation. You didn’t get it, he was so talkative out on the water - why wouldn’t he want to continue that relationship back on land? Eventually you got the grasp of Fraser was only ever at home in or over the water; on the rare occasions that you did all have to hang out together, or Mac put him front of house he was a lot more awkward, uncommunicative, cagey. You didn’t want to call him prickly but he had that kind of attitude. He certainly tried to get out of this as often as possible, and as Mac began to notice too, the less Fraser had to. That definitely made him a lot happier. The two of you certainly got close. Really close. And because he talked to you more than anyone else, and was older, the others took to teasing you about him. Constantly. At first you pushed them all off – because they were wrong. You didn’t have any interest in him, he was just a nice guy and you enjoyed working with him. Until what they were saying started to have some semblance of truth. The more you hung out with him, the more you started to understand him, the more you began to harbour a crush on him. At first you weren’t sure that it wasn’t just a respect crush, an ‘in awe of him’ crush. But it slowly dawned at you that it wasn’t… No, these were real feelings. Feelings you didn’t need to act on right away; after all, you both had time out here. But when you realised how genuine they were you began to heat up every time those pretty blue eyes flicked to you, with that gentle smile as Fraser imparted on you another tip – or told you some ridiculous diving joke. Occasionally he’d tease you too, and that was always a little harder to counter just because of the way he did it. Sometimes completely deadpan. This afternoon you were filling your boats air tanks again – he’d figured out a more efficient method in the Navy that he was trying to get you to perfect. You didn’t mind him teaching you things, and it meant you got to spend a little more time with him at the end of the day. So as your quiet chat continued, with you observing him and trying to store his methods in your head to the letter, you could see your group building up on the dock, everyone else was already packed away for the evening and dressed. Suddenly their chatter, and their eyes flicking back to you constantly became giggles, that erupted into laugher. “Hey! Y/N, C’mon! We’re going for dinner downtown!” Fraser paused what he was doing, looking between you and them for a second, but you hesitated “Y/N! We get the draw of an older man for you!” there was a suggestive look on James’ face, “But let’s go!” Your face went red, and that had them laughing again. Fraser sighed, rolling his eyes, “Are they botherin’ you?” “N-No… No… It’s, okay.” “You can go, if you want. I can show you this another time.” “No, Fraser – I-” “Go on…” He nudged you, “Don’t make me force you.” You swallowed, calling to them, “Okay! I’ll be a minute!” and turned back to him, “You don’t want to come?” “Nah. Go on. I’ll be alright.” “Thanks, Fraser.” You squeezed his arm affectionately and hopped out of the boat, “See you tomorrow morning!” “Uh huh!” That twang of his Australian accent, another thing you were certain you were tripping and falling in love over, followed you down the dock, “Bright and early!” *** Bright and early it was, it always was. If no one else was around you spent time cleaning up and refuelling the boats, making notes of supplies that needed restocking or things that needed mending. Mac would rock up early-ish and open up the shack, usually he’d bring breakfast if you hadn’t had yours already. Fraser would always forego this and say he’d eaten, leaving you and Mac in the office alone – at least until everyone else arrived to steal what was left: “You know he’s friendly and all, but you’re the only one Fraser really interacts with beyond the bare minimum.” “Really?” “As if you didn’t notice.” “Maybe you should start swapping him around in teams, you get to know him best out there.” Mac shook his head vigorously, “I am in NO way going to mess up your dynamic…” You both watched him for a second, before you raised your eyebrow at Mac, “You seem to think it’s a romantic dynamic.” “Oh come ON. You don’t see the way you look at him.” “Shut up!” You felt yourself blush again. “You have a crush, honey. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he knows it to. If he doesn’t then he’s dense!” “He doesn’t seem that type of guy. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as he’s on land...” “He’s a different person?” “Yeah?” You looked to Mac, expecting him to afford him an explanation. “A lot of guys like him are. He fits the ex-Navy profile. I won’t be surprised if there’s some PTSD in there.” “MAC!” “Look he’s a good diver, but I want you to be careful. Especially if you do have romantic interest in him, okay?” “Mac he’s gotta be at least 10 years older than me.” “Why is that stopping you?! You have what, 3 months with this guy before we pack up for winter, and there’s a chance you can stay together if you’re both UK bound. Just sayin’ – make the most of a summer romance, just be careful!” “I hate you, you know.” You leant across the counter and hugged him, before punching his arm and hopping off the stool. “Oh, I’m well aware!” Before you exited the room, he called you back, “Oh! Y/N!” “Mhm?” “See if you can persuade him out with everyone, please? You know, just once. Or twice. Once a week isn’t a big ask. I just… I think if anyone can integrate him, you can.” “I’ll try my best!” You giggled, “But I’m not a miracle worker!” “Hey!” He grinned, “All I ever ask from anyone is their best!" Your day of diving was pretty easy: Fraser enjoyed getting the more skilled divers so he could take you out deeper into the ocean, dive for a little longer and get a little more technical. However, he didn’t appreciate it when they started messing around and pretending they knew better than he did. They got one hell of a stern telling off and a lecture about the Navy that honestly you couldn’t help but smirk through. Then they were on their best behaviour. More than a few times he’d received a few complaints about it – and seemed not to give a damn when Mac always approached with an “Urm, Fraser, could I have a minute…” Only for you to fiercely back up his story without any hesitation. Mac always looked at you like it was more than a little ironic; you were always one to mess around. But you had real certificates – you were an instructor – you could get yourself out of trouble you got into. And you wouldn’t be putting a whole group of divers in danger doing so. Today you were sitting on the side of the boat as he navigated it out to his chosen diving spot – you wondered what Fraser liked so much about this one. He was prepared to answer. “It’s a little deeper, that might not sound so great, but there’s more space. Less to get distracted by… Just reminds me of what I’m more used to.” “…Which is?” “Diving, diving. Weighted seabed stuff. Technical ship and submarine dives, marine salvage. Things like that. I have nearly every diving certification it’s possible to get.” He gave a shrug, “When I started back in Australia it was a little like this. Reef diving and snorkelling…  But that’s not where I ended up.” “When I think diving, I certainly think… this. I’ve done weighted diving a few times, I never found it easy.” “You’ll get used to it.” His smile was small, “It’s a little more of a job than a vacation.” “Then…” You rose and crossed to him, “why are you all the way out here taking amateurs on reef trips?” “A means to an end. Needing the money. Waiting for a job to come up again. Then I’ll go real diving.” “This is real diving.” He looked across to you, grinning, “Naw, now I’d think with a Navy dad – even you wouldn’t think that!” You laughed, “What, do I have to hold you to marine salvage diving now?” “Ah, I think you’d like-!” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah, girl like you could probably handle all those sailors with no problem.” “Was that a compliment?” He chuckled, “Round about.” then tossed his head back, “Go on, you better go make sure they’re suited up! We’re almost there.” “I will.” You smiled, then paused at the door to take him all in again, “...Fraser.” “Uh huh.” “Before we leave… will you take me out? Just you and I?” Your heart fluttered but you pushed it back. Yes, you just wanted him to yourself. You wouldn’t deny it, but you weren’t about to ask him out. “Will you listen to a word I say?” “I’ll try my best.” You gave him your biggest eyes, and he scoffed. “Yeah right. But sure, it’d be fun. I won’t deny that.” “F-Fun?” This time he turned those blue eyes on you in such a way that you thought your heart might dead on stop. “Yeah. You’re a cool girl, Y/N. And I trust you in the water. I’ll show ya a thing or two!” You couldn’t help but internally groan at that, and left quickly so not as to heat up in his presence. Sure, he might. But you wondered if it would be the thing or two that you wanted him to show you. *** He still wouldn’t come out with you all, you tried your best – and be it tentatively, sweetly, teasingly or just angrily, Fraser never agreed to going. You didn’t want to tell Mac to just give up but sometimes you thought about it.  Tonight, after you’d eaten you wanted to take a night out on the town for yourself, and swung by your favourite little restaurant bar. The tables spilled out over the boardwalk and the dancefloor straddled both outside and inside, even though it was small. So if you wanted you could dance in the open air. You just liked to dance without the rest of your friends around, and usually liked to dance alone.

You headed to the bar first, and worked up the confidence to get on the floor with your single drink. You nursed it for a little while, but eventually swaying on the bar stool had you up on the floor. It was easy for you to make friends – and sometimes you found girls here who had been on boats during the week, so you weren’t ever really alone. It got later and night really drew in, lamps on the boardwalk igniting and bathing everything in a soft yellow glow. The pretty hanging lights in bars were turned on up and down the street, and it was about your favourite time of night. Yet that wasn’t where your eyes were pulled tonight – instead your eyes were drawn to the bar. Holy shit-! Your heart threatened to get the better of you, although his back was to you and he was keeping to himself, it was unmistakably Fraser sitting up there. You had to let yourself calm down before you gained enough confidence to make your way over – but you couldn’t help but wonder if this was how he spent all his evenings. Was this why he didn’t want to be out with the rest of you? “Hey!” He looked up from his drink – make that drinks; Fraser’s bottle of beer was accompanied by what appeared to be water, and then soda. “How long have you been here?!” Was how he chose to make conversation, no how are you, no sweet smile. The man you spent most of your time with during the day appeared long gone. “Longer than you, I’ve been dancing!” “Oh. I didn’t notice.” You had to pretend that didn’t hurt at all as you settled in next to him, “Is this usual for you?” “No, I just… needed a night out. I’m not a great drinker.” “You’re Australian!” His laugh wasn’t warm, “Yeah, alcohol tends to mess with-” Fraser stopped short and turned back to you, “You out alone?!” He was concerned, instantly. “Yeah…” “You do THAT often!?” “I like the breather. So, yes.” His face pulled into a frown but he said nothing more, turning back to his array of drinks, it was the water he finished first. You were still staring at him; there was something about him not in sunlight. You’d only ever seen him in bright sunshine, but now the shadows were giving you an altogether different picture – his eyes were a deeper blue than usual, and the darkness cut his body distinctively; he looked a lot older than you thought he was. There was a lot of trouble etched into him and the way that he slumped his body over the bar like that; a lot you guessed Fraser would never open up to you about in a million years. And he didn’t look back at you. “Fraser.” When he did turn, he seemed more surprised that you’d still be there. “Dance with me.” “Wh-” You stood and took his hand, hardly believing that you had the confidence. “Please!” “No.” He pulled his hand back, “No, no. That’s not my scene.” “Oh c’mon.” “No. I can’t dance.” “Everyone can dance, even if it’s badly.” “No!” His hands withdrew and he realised that he was not letting you down lightly. In fact you damn near looked upset. Fraser sighed, beer to his lips as you still didn’t move, looking back to the dance floor again. This time when your eyes met his they were doing all your pleading for you. “Please, just one dance?” He put his bottle down and stood, already thinking of all the ways this would go wrong: “Okay, but I mean ONE.” You could not be more ecstatic about this, holding his hand as you pulled him across the floor, although as you slowed to choose a place, Fraser guided you to the outer area, the very edge of the dance floor. You found this to be curious, but didn’t question it. All that mattered was he was here, and he was doing you a favour, you wanted to make sure he was comfortable. Fraser placed his hands on your waist respectfully as you rested your own on his shoulders – it was obvious by how firm his grip was that he was not about to move them, not even an inch. You were a little disappointed – but one step at a time. You could hardly believe that he was here and holding you. Your heart was racing again; he was so close. You didn’t want to call it too close, but Fraser was: he kept the gap, he wouldn’t let you closer even though all you wanted to do was breathe him. Even though what you desired was him holding your body against his. But he had rhythm, and he matched yours. You weren’t sure you expected it – but then he was close to you, and he watched your body day in day out. He knew the way you breathed, probably even here and now Fraser was noticing things about you that you didn’t know yourself. Of course he could dance with you, just like you’d asked, and maybe for one song. But then he didn’t let you go when it was over… Maybe that was because you were locked in a stare like this, your constant wish to pull him closer, the way you knew how hot you were getting under the weight of his eyes; because of how nervous you were, the proximity of his body to yours. You couldn’t stop your eyes from flicking to his lips; you wanted to lean forward and kiss him. More than anything. You couldn’t, you couldn’t risk everything on trying to kiss him here. The rest of your summer would be so awkward that you’d have rather hurled yourself off the side of the boat than risk this… Fraser knew how you felt. It was damn near impossible to ignore when you were this near to him. The way you hung onto every word he said during the day and were damn near besotted with him didn’t escape his notice either. How everyone else teased you for it; yeah, he realised that too, none of you were as subtle as you thought you were. But you were young and impressionable and you just had a crush. A crush that would last the duration of summer, and when you went home and decided on further education or working, he’d be forgotten, and you’d find someone else. He didn’t want to hurt you, Fraser knew that much – it was one of the reasons that he wasn’t going to let you closer. He wasn’t sure he could do something in such measures – something he knew would only ever be a summer fling? It never occurred to Fraser to want to put effort into something like that. You weren’t the only one that was going to get hurt.

Fraser kept his eyes on those around you as the dancefloor became more crowded. Telling himself he was only pulling you closer because he had to. It wasn’t far from the truth, this time he wasn’t really meeting your eyes; and his hands kept in that same position. He’d placed you outside to avoid the majority of people, more space. More air. But as people encroached on you, Fraser tensed more and more, until you knew it was uncomfortable for him. It broke you from your trance; where you could breathe him, close enough to feel the heat from his body as it dissipated from the day. A warmth you wanted to be held in. It was too much, it was too close, and Fraser’s dislike of the situation had him pulling abruptly from you. You weren’t sure you understood even when you felt that change in him. “Y/N, I’m sorry but I-” He shook his head, “S-Sorry.” He didn’t even let you say it was okay before he was off and back to the bar. You sighed gently, moment over. Maybe the only moment you’d get with him all summer. And you hadn’t even remembered to savour it.

***

You’d had your first taste, and you couldn’t help but crave more. So you kept going back; you couldn’t be sure if it was Fraser’s favourite spot, if this was where he spent his evenings. It had been once; and maybe he wasn’t around tonight… the night after… the night after that… because he was busy elsewhere. You kept holding onto the thought that he’d turn up eventually – it wasn’t something you wanted to discuss at work. In fact Fraser’s attitude to you at work didn’t change, almost as if it had never happened. Yet you didn’t understand how he could just act that way – it’d affected you, clearly. Why not him? You didn’t want to confront him about it, in fact it forced you to face the fact that maybe friends was all this was ever going to be… Even over a three month ‘summer fling’ you’d be nothing more than one close dance at one small bar. Fraser did eventually turn up again, but by the time he did you were already a little preoccupied. It was a little later than he’d been in here before and he ordered the same from the bar before sitting. You’d already been here a few hours – but had already been to a bar with the rest of the crew. And you were now drinking on top of ‘pre’-drinking. Stupid, you knew, but it was okay to get drunk every once in a while. As long as it wasn’t totally black out. It took Fraser a little while to spot you and, once he did, he became immediately concerned – it was obvious that you were a little too far gone. You shifted around without any real sense of rhythm, your face was flushed, you were laughing a little to loud and a little too much. What really struck Fraser were the men around you. All a little too close, the one nearest you giving off the most obvious vibes that Fraser didn’t like. Although you were laughing, it was clear that whatever question he was asking (Fraser could only guess), was being met with refusal. But once wasn’t enough, it had been at least three or four times and this guy only seemed to get closer, his friends joining in, with him continuously taking your hand back. This was only going to go two ways and neither ended well for you in Fraser’s eyes; he tipped his glass back, thanked the bar tender and rose from his seat. “You guys want to leave her alone now?” “What?” He turned, looking Fraser up and down with a raised eyebrow, “What’d you say?” “I said leave her alone. I’ve been watchin’ you from over there and she’s said no at least four times. Just walk away man.” “This is none of your business.” Getting up in Fraser’s face wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t know that yet. “F-Fraser!” Your voice sounded more than overjoyed as you spotted him, “You’re back!” “Oh, I think you’ll find it is my business.” Fraser was unfazed, he’d dealt with people like this plenty of times, “She’s drunk, walk away.” “Make me.” “I’d rather not.” He tipped his head, “Walk. Away.” “Who are you, her boyfriend?!” “Concerned work college, actually.” Fraser extended his hand out for yours, “Y/N, sweetheart, let’s go. C’mon.” The man stepped between you as you lurched forward, “She’s not going anywhere.” “Kid. I was in the British Royal Navy, you really wanna mess with that?!” He hesitated, and backed up a little, “Yeah I thought so.” Fraser pushed passed him and took your hand, “Come on. Let’s go.” “But, I-” “Honey, you can barely walk and I need to leave before this asshole says another word, c’mon.” “Fraser, I…” You stumbled as Fraser tried to pull you with him, leaving him fixing the men with an icy stare. “Leave. Before I have a chance to show you what I’m really capable of.” It was enough, for now. But Fraser knew they’d be back, looping his arm around you. “Okay, come on… We’re getting you out of here.”

It was not easy to walk you home – and Fraser didn’t know where you resided. He knew the group of you shared rooms somewhere on the island, but he’d never been interested enough to find out where. Right now he was regretting it. He wasn’t sure how many you’d had, but by now you were all giggles and slurred words, hardly able to walk properly without him supporting you. A mess. He wasn’t the biggest fan of taking you back to his, although Fraser at least knew he could look after you here. You started asking random questions about everything – only to repeat them seconds later, still joyful. Fraser tried to answer them calmly and different every time, so as not to be driven stir crazy by his own explanation. But very soon your joy turned to puzzlement, and then you frowned a little, hands to your stomach. Fraser knew this one well too; “Are you gonna be sick?” You just nodded and he grabbed your hand, running you to the bathroom. Well, this wasn’t the way either of you thought you’d be spending your evening or time together. Pretty soon you were crying and apologising as Fraser held your hair off your face and rubbed your back. “Shit, I’m so sorry… I’m so, so sorry…” “I’m just glad you’re here and not with some dick somewhere else… Now don’t talk.” Still, you kept repeating it as he sat with you. As you quietened down, he brought you a glass of water: “Drink it, you’ll just get dehydrated.” Whether or not you would keep it down was another question entirely, but Fraser needed to make sure he was helping you. It was in one of these moments of quiet, where you just looked in pain, that you turned to him. You were a little less pale and sweaty now – maybe you were calming down. He hoped so, but knew if it was necessary, he’d stay up with you all night. “What did you mean…?” “Huh?” “When you threatened him you said… he wouldn’t want to mess with a Navy man?” “Would you like to mess with someone who has had military training?” “Prob’ly not.” You shook your head, closing your eyes as you felt dizzy again. You just wanted everything to stop spinning and for your stomach to calm down. Fraser couldn’t tell you the real reason, couldn’t tell you what he was really capable of. The potential that had to destroy things very quickly if you didn’t understand wasn’t worth the effort of explaining. “Hey…” He rubbed your back in soothing circles once more, “You’re gonna stay, okay? I’ll get set up on the sofa, it’s no big deal – you’re gonna be alright here while I sort you out, yeah?” You nodded, and then very nearly gasped as he leant forward and pressed his lips to your forehead, “Alright, sweetheart, give me a few minutes. Yell if you need me.” You didn’t, and took to lying in the most comfortable position you could find on the cool bathroom floor. He stopped by once to throw you a shirt and tracks. Which you could just about wriggle into without causing yourself too much more discomfort. Fraser collected you from the floor a little later, opting to let you walk on your own rather than carrying you. You’d still be tender, and who knows what would happen if he folded your body in a certain way. There were at least 3 glasses of water on the side table as he helped you into bed – and some hangover medication. “It’s not really something I take a lot of, but I hope this one helps…” “It’s better than nothing, whatever it is.” He laughed gently, tucking your hair back. He’d left a bucket, just in case. “Bathroom is just down there though, I’m gonna be right outside on the couch. If you need me or anything else… Well, okay, maybe don’t wake me unless you really have to. But I think you might be down for the count for a while. Just… keep calm, settle down. Get some rest alright?” You nodded, suddenly completely embarrassed, “Thank you…” you covered your face, “I’m sorry.” “Stop apologising. You think I don’t know what a bad night out feels or looks like? It happens, Y/N.” Fraser smiled, “Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.” “See you in the morning Fraser… goodnight.” You didn’t hear him exit the room and close the door though – by the time he did that, your body had already put you to sleep through exhaustion. **

When you woke up in the morning it was slowly. Your head was still pounding, but your stomach seemed to be settled. You were huddled up in his duvet, hiding from the world; you took the pill and drank as many of the glasses of water as you could manage. Luckily you hadn’t been ill again, but you were glowing with embarrassment. You must have screwed any chance that you had with him completely. How couldn’t you have? Why had you done something so stupid?! How had you allowed yourself to get so inebriated that Fraser had to see you like that-!! The bedroom door was cracked and your dress was now hung up on the wardrobe. Fantastic; you’d have to do a walk of shame, and you hadn’t even had sex with him. Eventually the pill seemed to kick in, and you sat up slowly. His apartment seemed quiet, you heard Fraser shuffling around but you were enjoying the lack of noise. If you were back with the gang there’d be yelling and screaming already - especially if one of you was hungover. You slowly sipped another glass of water as you stood, shrugging yourself out of his shirt and track shorts you sighed gently. Wearing his clothes too!? Living the dream in the worst way possible…! You pulled on your dress, smoothing it down to look as modest as possible – it wasn’t so revealing, but it was relatively short and strappy. The kind of thing to be worn over a bikini, rather than the way you’d been wearing it. Eventually you thought you’d hidden in here long enough, and took a deep breath, opening the door on his main living area. It was surprisingly clean; you weren’t sure what you were expecting – but you’d lived with men before and they weren’t this neat. That’ll be the Navy… You scanned the room, worn but still nice. Probably in need of a repaint and new furniture in the not too distant future. But good for the busy summer job worker that currently inhabited it. Fraser was sitting up to the kitchen counter, preoccupied with whatever was in front of him. You walked slowly, making sure to balance the glasses, and were immediately curious. You paused before you reached the counter, and were a little taken aback. Sitting in front of him were a multitude of pills of different sizes and varieties. You did the math quick and none of them were in the same quantity. Before he settled on his choices and cleared the rest away into a capped bottle. Fraser didn’t look up until you placed the glasses down, looking bewildered. He picked one of his pills up and swallowed slowly with water. “They’re not drugs.” He could read your look, and that was the first thing you were worried about. “…Then wh-” “I have a personality disorder. They’re my medication.” He said it so matter-of-fact. So blunt. “It’s why I can’t drink a lot, it’s why I can only be around you guys for so long.” Your face changed dramatically and you dropped your head, upset in realisation; “They wear off.” “Exactly. Smart girl.” He repeated the same slow swallow with the remaining collection. “I’ve always been better in water, always. But what I’d do without them… Y’know I need this. Alone is gonna stop me from doing anything stupid. I’m sorry, I should have said something.” “No… It’s personal. You shouldn’t have to disclose something like that…” “You’re my partner out there, of course I should have. An’ now you know.” “I do. But it’s staying between us.” You placed your hand over his, reassuringly, “And I’m the one that’s sorry, I can’t believe you had to see that. I’m an idiot.” “Y/N, I’ve seen people out of their mind drunk before. You’re not the first, you won’t be the last. Forget about it – I’m just glad I was there.” Fraser understood reckless young adult behaviour, hell, he’d been there a few times himself. “Oh…” Your face heated up again, “Well, I… I’m glad you were there to.” He stood, “Breakfast?” “Oh. Please, yeah.” “I’ve had mine, need it for the meds, but… help yourself…” He pointed to several cupboards, “Plates and bowls, mugs and glasses, cereals, cutlery is there, bread there… fridge is…” He waved, “You get it.” “Thank you.” You smiled politely, and walked from place to place as he’d indicated, making your own breakfast. He was reading the paper this morning; it always just gave him something to do. But you were a much more pleasant distraction. And that dress was easy on the eye. Fraser tipped his head, eyes tracing your body through your clothing; it was very nearly backless too, and your sun kissed shoulders and back held a radiant glow in the morning light that was not visible in the darkness, nor club lighting. He’d never seen this much of you before, and he couldn’t help but watch you – you were beautiful. Fraser wasn’t about to deny that, he was just very aware that you had a massive crush. And he wasn’t sure initiating anything with you was a good idea. Whether he wanted to or not. It’s a summer thing, she’ll get over me. It won’t be too hard for someone like her. Besides, Fraser was as worried about if he’d ever get over you. You noticed him watching you, the ways that his eyes always seemed to trace you. It was subtle – and you weren’t trying to read it as what you hoped it was. His blue eyes had this wildness to them, you’d noticed it the other night. That certainly wasn’t subtle, and clearly very subdued by the medication he had to take; you’d never seen him look like this in light like this. It made you swallow hard, left a knot in your stomach that wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t often you’d felt that. You’d been attracted to men before, teenage crushes. Either they were way too old for you, or they were your age and it was teenage love – you’d never taken that ‘sleeping with someone’ leap. Out here on a tropical island alone, you had the opportunity to explore things, but hadn’t yet. Here he was, sitting in front of you and staring at your body… Yet he’d pushed you away on the dancefloor, and you still had to spend time working with him. When Fraser���s eyes met yours again you swore you felt a shiver run through you. You stepped back; heat suddenly rushing places that did make you feel uncomfortable. You body was about to betray you and you were afraid of being unable to control it. “I- I best get going… T-Thank you, for… looking after me and for breakfast. But the guys, they’ll be so worried.” “I get it…” He stood, rounding the table, “I can walk you back to the main strip, you can figure it out from there and-” “No! No!” You ran around his apartment quickly, collecting your bag and shoes, “I’ll be fine, thank you Fraser. I really mean it-” He stopped you before you got to the door. “You’re sure you’re okay?” “Yes!” NO! Definitely NOT! “Okay.” He opened his door for you, “Take care of yourself. And I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right?” “Right.” You nodded to him, voice super quiet, timid and embarrassed about the situation once again. You gave a gentle wave. “Goodbye, Fraser. Have a good day!” “You too, Y/N…” He leant on the door, unsure if he should ask you to stay. Knowing it was better to let you leave, “Be careful.” *** You weren’t about to curse your good luck. You certainly weren’t about to take credit for it, either, but ever since that night, Fraser had started hanging with you a little. Suddenly he’d turn up for breakfast, and even if he took it and ate alone – he’d make sure to spend five minutes conversing with you. He’d never stayed late enough for drinks, but every once in a while, you’d been able to convince him to join you all for dinner. Progress. Great progress. For him too. And although a lot of times he was on the edge of the conversation, the end of the table for quick escapes, Fraser was always next to you. His focus started with you, and branched to the rest of the team and group conversations slowly. But it was still there. When you didn’t need to pay full attention to him to keep him in the conversation, to make sure he was okay, you started to notice other little things about him. Fraser stimmed. First you noticed the way he’d bounce his leg, hand moving over it in sporadic intervals, then how he’d touch the tips of his fingers, back and forth. There was one other place you noticed it, but until you’d witnessed him do this, it hadn’t really occurred to you. Part of his diving toolkit was a knife, it wasn’t big and you’d hardly call it dangerous, Mac wouldn’t have allowed it otherwise (and it seemed clear that Fraser was used to handling something a little shaper), but he’d move this between his hands and thumb the edge of the blade when talking sometimes. It didn’t seem to bother him, and it didn’t bother you, it wasn’t something you perceived as threatening, but you noticed that sometimes guests would get a little uneasy about it. Social situations were clearly never going to be his forte and yet here he was. He was trying. For you? You weren’t so sure, and yet you were almost certain it was to protect you. To make sure you never got in a situation like that again and he wasn’t around to save you. So it was because of you, and in the back of your head, you dared dream that perhaps you’d get your summer romance after all.

This morning once again Fraser stood around for a gentle 5 minute ‘start of the day’ conversation and then went off to eat alone. Sometimes you wanted to go with him, but you felt the others might see you as antisocial. Or you’d end up with more than just Mac giving you the suggestive looks. Speaking of ‘suggestive’, this morning the topic of discussion quickly turned spicy. You virtually tuned out: it wasn’t like you had experience to give input. And half of you thought most of them were bragging about things that had never really happened, or stretching the truth! But, it couldn’t be avoided, eventually they rounded on you: “-Go on, Y/N, what’s your favourite position?” “You’re kidding, Y/N hasn’t had enough boyfriends to know what her favourite position is!” You flushed, “Shut up!!” then cleared your throat, “As long as I can see his face, I think I’m okay…” “Aw, nah, see – I just like tangling my fingers in her hair – especially if I can pull it.” “In your dreams would you get a girl that would let you do that.” Mac laughed hard at James’ cocky face. “EASY! I’ll get one tonight!” Fraser had entered back into the room and was shaking his head - ‘what a bunch of stupid fucking questions’ - he scoffed immediately at James’ comment, making you all turn around. Fraser was therefore made the next victim: “What about you, man?” His blue eyes regarded you all, eyebrow raised, “What?” “Sex – dude c’mon! You’re Australian and you’ve been in the Navy, it can’t be that hard for you to pull!” Fraser declined to comment and said rather nonchalantly, “I dunno, I’m a morning sex kinda guy.” “OOOOHHH!” Mac laughed, “Damn. We keeping you from something?!” That very nearly raised a smile, “Naw, mate. I’ll let’cha know when you are.” You hadn’t heard a single word since ‘morning sex’ and whatever banter was going on around you was drowned out by how hot you suddenly were. All you could think about was the morning you’d stayed at his. The way he’d been staring at you, running those beautiful ocean blue eyes over your body like that. The way you’d only thought about him pushing you away on the dance floor… when maybe you should have been following your gut feeling. Shit, was I not reading the signs, did he-… want me!? You stood so suddenly in the middle of the conversation that the girls around you jumped and everything was thrown into awkward silence, “S-Sorry… I’ll be right back!” You needed a moment. A very… long moment… You didn’t get it until a little later, when you decided you wanted a quiet night in. Not a real moment. You’d had to lock yourself in the bathroom and scream this morning – that knotted feeling deciding to settle in with you all day, as you had to interact with Fraser armed with this new information, kicking yourself. If you’d have made a move what would his reaction have been? Would it have made a difference if that’s what he was into? You lay back in your sheets alone and took a deep breath wriggling your hips around, closing your eyes. All you could picture was his look, those gorgeous blue eyes nowhere but on you… how sometimes he touched you or held you and he was strong… what would it feel like for him to grip your hips? Pin you beneath him? Every little smile or smirk he’d given you. The way he sometimes said something suggestive, or an innuendo, completely serious and yet knowing exactly what he was doing. Then you could feel the heat of his body, how it felt to have him that close on the dance floor – it couldn’t have felt that different between the sheets. In fact, he’d be closer… How would it feel to kiss him? To have his lips on yours, to have them trace your skin – would he be gentle with you? Would he be rough with you? Would that depend on the time of morning… did his medication affect that? Did Fraser have a preference… There were too many questions… and yet so many fantasies you could have all over one man. It wasn’t long before you were sighing gently, wiggling your hips a little more, pushing up to increase the pressure and friction. And then it was Fraser’s name you were groaning. This felt beyond sinful, but you needed it. You probably had for a while. You were in control; but how would it feel to have him touching you like this. You had to know. You vowed one day you would find out… No matter how long it took.

** Your lament that this may never graduate to anything was short lived for two reasons. One was his sudden willingness to hang out with just you. He would ask ‘Hey, you wanna do anything this evening?’ or ‘You free Sunday? I wanna show you something.’ Sometimes that was places he’d seen, sometimes that was diving techniques. He was teaching you things you’d never get the opportunity to learn otherwise and you were so grateful. But when you tentatively questioned him as to what had changed, he simply laughed and said “Well, turns out I can tolerate you when my pills wear off. And it’s kinda nice to hang with someone, sometimes.” When you suggested things to him, Fraser let you drag him around; he even let you hold his hand, and you’d wander down the boardwalk together like that. Fraser was fine with this arrangement, he would let you live the ‘romance’ you wanted to, without entering into a relationship that would hurt you both. You’d get over him, you’d get over this summer. Usually you could bribe him with ice cream. He was certainly of the mind that if you were going to spend a day on the beach then ice cream was a must, and you picked up on this instantly. Although you tried not to take him so far away from the water – quite clearly Fraser’s first love – he was partial to the odd hike on other parts of the island. The second was your own resignation to the situation you found yourself in. The fact that this was never going to happen almost started to become an unspoken thing between you. Holding his hand and going on whatever these ‘dates’ were was safe, and there was no commitment. Fraser never came across to you like he was ready to commit, even if he would talk to you and touch you like he was. Everyone else teased you when you told them you were leaving for yet another evening or day out with him. Cat calls ranged from rather cute to completely unnecessary and vulgar, but it wasn’t like you weren’t used to everyone talking like this; and you went ahead and laughed. Mac was the only one to pull you to one side and ask if what was happening between you was serious. When you gave a shrug and a head shake: “I don’t think that’s how he works. I don’t think Fraser would ever do summer romance. I think it’s all or nothing…” You folded your arms. “Maybe we’re better as friends. I think we’re at different life stages.” “Is that you being sensible? Is that you meaning it?” “It’s me waiting. It’s okay to be friends. It’s GOOD to be just friends. Mac, I won’t lose him if we’re just friends. If we’re UK based, we can wait. I can wait… And maybe it never happens, but, I don’t lose him.” “You like him that much, huh?” Mac flashed a grin, he felt like he probably knew that. “Yeah. Personally, and professionally. What he can teach me, the kind of friend he can be… probably outweighs a rush I can feel and then just… lose EVERYTHING.” You smiled suddenly, “I know which I’d rather have Mac, I think that’s what I’ve figured out. That should be my choice.” These outings continued, and you ended up staying at his place a few more times – luckily not under the same circumstances! Although you insisted on taking the couch this time, liking to spend lazier mornings with him, where he’d tell you how good you looked in what you were wearing and you’d flush and try to forget the morning sex comment again. You were pretty seamless together when you were working and were heading that way socially too. You liked looking after him too, especially in the period where his meds did start to wear off and he wore a little thin, got a little agitated, stimmed a little more. He had your back and therefore you had his – no questions asked. No thanks needed. Summer was inevitably drawing to a close. You had some big life decisions to make, but wanted to put them off for as long as possible. Fraser started looking for what he termed “real work”, other summer shops and attractions started closing, some of Mac’s team bid you farewell to get back to their own lives: he remained open until the very last moment. It began to get cooler, and it was around this time you knew you had maybe 2 weeks left tops. Fraser was tidying away at the end of the long-ish day – it still being busy with less of you around, and talk turned to the future. “What are your plans after this?” “Haha. Nothing!” You folded your arms, leaning against the side of the boat, “Well, okay that’s not technically true. I might go back to school. I think a degree would be nice to have... but maybe I’ll do it part-time. I don’t know if I can commit to full-time.” “Why’s that?” “Just the way I am. If I can work too, why not?” “Uhuh.” “What about you?” Although you thought you knew the answer, he was going back to the diving he did best. “That’s why I asked.” He closed the final lock and turned back to you, “Cuz I’m going back to my freelance diving work. Now, I know, submarine salvage is kinda… niche, but that’s not all I do.” Fraser took a step forward, “Y/N, you’re a good diver. You’re qualified, your dad was in the Navy. You listen to me, more importantly you understand me. We’ve done a lot of work together this summer and it’s been great work. I’m not spending weekends out there teaching you for nothing, and it’s not just because I like you either. You have so much potential. So, I have a proposition.” You stood straight to attention, because it felt like the situation called for it. “Would you like to become my diving partner? Could always use a good one – and you’re not just good – you’re fantastic.” You very nearly chocked; you!?!? You were young and naïve, and surely not as experienced as he wanted?! But easy to teach, quick to apply your knowledge… malleable.   “Y-Y-YES!” “Yeah?” “YES!” You covered your mouth with your hands, “Oh, my goodness, Fraser I- I don’t even know how to thank you!” “You don’t need to. You earned it on your own merit. We’ll start you off slow, but I think you can do as good a job as me, if not better. And together?” Well, he simply had to grin to get his point across. “I have loved working with you. And… I’m under the impression that you don’t want to lose this either. So, what better way than with a partnership?” This was somehow working out too well, if you were part-time student, part-time diver then you couldn’t have thought of a better planned out future. And with Fraser? Not even in your wildest dreams. “I don’t.” You said it too quick, and flushed, “I-I mean, I don’t wanna lose this, either.” Fraser nodded, and instead of shaking your hands he simply took them in his; “Well, we don’t have to.” You couldn’t help but beam. Your resignation to being friends was suddenly all the more important. Would Fraser have asked if you’d have pushed for something he didn’t want? Would he have asked if you were going to be a summer romance? You thought the answer was probably not; even if you didn’t want to consider that answer. Fraser had asked you to be a real part of his life. Not just a summer that you could leave up on a shelf and forget. You had time. You had so much time. You could really get to know him, best friends or soul mates… And maybe more… Time would tell. It was strange to stand with him then and wonder on where time would take you. But you were certain that this friendship would stand the test of time. And that, no matter when, you’d get to look back at this summer and see it as a time you met one of your very best friends. A man that you would love for life.

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Thank you so much for reading! 😘🙏

[xxisxxisxxis]

Deleted Scenes: Gateway Drug

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"More Than One Way to Get to Hell" -- 1986

"Tansy, come on, now we don't have all damn day to get this finished." Diane calls from the other side of the door while I'm grasping Tansy's shaking hand while she adds finishing sprays of hairspray to her curls. 

"Tansy," I start. 

"C-Can you hand me my purse?" She asks me softly and I nod, handing the little black purse to her. 

She pulls an unlabeled bottle out, opening the lid and pouring two pills into her palm. 

"Tansy--"

"--I overdid it on coke earlier, Viv, if I don't calm my shit I'm gonna embarrass myself on national television." 

"Tansy!" Her mom barks. 

She takes the pills and swallows them down with her juice, standing up and walking to her dressing room door. 

"Thank fuck, come on." Her mom tugs at her arm to take her to the sound tech and he hooks her up to her mic. 

"Mama, I'm nervous." She takes harbored breaths. 

"No need to be nervous, Tansy. You're just interacting with a man in front of a camera. Let's not pretend you don't do the same thing every night." She mumbles to her and I glare at her mother, horrified. 

"I feel like I'm gonna puke." Tansy says next. 

"No, no, look at me." Diane looks her in the eyes. "You are not going to screw this up. You are going to go out there and get more exposure to get more people talking about you, to get more offers, to get more money. We do what has to be done to get what we want, and what we have to do isn't always what we want to do, but--" 

"--But it has to be done." Tansy finishes for her, defeated. 

"Exactly." She says to Tansy, fixing her smudged lipstick. "You already embarrass me on a daily basis, Tansalyn, and you will not embarrass me today. Not over this." She demands.

"Our first guest is a well-known model to men, and some women, here in America. In a span of just four years she has appeared in 56 issues of Playboy and counting, declared the magazine's most consistent model, was very recently announced as 'Playmate of the Year: Miss 1985,' and was the muse for the 1983 Def Leppard hit, 'Photograph.' With no sign of slowing down anytime soon--not that any of us want her to--please, give a very warm welcome to the very beautiful, Tansy Lyn." 

Tansy takes a heavy breath inward, and I give her a smile. 

"You got this, go." I assure her and she nods, holding back tears, seemingly programming her mind into autopilot, a scarily convincing, beaming smile on her face as she steps out, waving at the audience. 

I watch her on the monitor, and my heart breaks. 

She deserves an Oscar. 

Diane watches, too, evaluating her in her mind. 

"How are you?" David asks Tansy, kissing her cheek before the two sit down. 

"I'm good." Tansy replies, crossing one leg over the other. "Hi, everyone." She waves again to the crowd and they whistle and cheer. 

"Now, when they told me you'd be on, um, I did some fact checking, as one does for an interview," he starts. 

"Okay." She replies. 

"And I want to get the record straight on your name, because I've heard Tansy Lyn, and I've heard Tansalyn, which the second option is just a mouthful so…"

"Well, my nickname is Tansy and originally my name was supposed to be Tansy and my middle name was supposed to be Lyn."

"Don't you dare." Her mother sneers quietly to the monitor. 

"But my dad had been drinking a little bit when my mom's water broke and so when it came to naming me, they had decided on Tansy Lyn Reilen, but my mom was in recovery, resting, and my dad couldn't write very well because he was drunk and so he asked a nurse for help and she asked him what my name was going to be so she could write it in herself, and he said 'Tansy Lyn,' little did he realizing he was slurring. So my legal name is Tansalyn." 

"Oh, my God." Diane squeezes her eyes shut. 

"And you reworked it to Tansy Lyn." 

"Yes." 

He tries not to laugh, but the audience doesn't hold back, not that she minds at all. 

"Wow, well, Tansalyn, I know you're busy and so the fact you were able to be here really means a lot, so thank you, again, for being here. Although I'm not so sure it was too far out of the way for you." 

"No, no, not at all." She assures him. 

"Because you live here, don't you?" He asks. "Or are you back in L.A.?" 

"I mainly live here, and then I go back home often to visit and stuff if I don't have work." She explains. 

"And you work a lot." He states. 

"Not that much but--" 

She quits talking when he raises his brows, making the audience laugh. 

"You don't work that much? Are you kidding me?" He leans down and grabs a magazine, holding it up on the desk for the camera and crowd to see. "This is you in your first issue of Playboy." He tells her, flipping through it to find her picture.

"Oh, Lord." She groans before he shows the audience. "Can you do that?!" She asks next, as her naked body is on display, but the monitor shows her bare chest blurred out. 

"Now, this was October of '83, and how old were you when this was taken?" 

"Just turned 18." She explains, her face turning slightly red under her makeup. 

"18, and since then," he starts piling on more and more magazines and men throughout the crowd yell and clap and whistle, Tansy tightly closing her eyes and chuckling nervously, "you've gotten Miss July of '85." He puts that issue aside, before grabbing a final one from the top of the tower of Playboys. "And this is the more recent one, your shoot for 'Miss 1985'." He says next, grabbing several magazines at once and putting them back behind his desk before sitting down and holding it up to show her on the cover. "Absolutely beautiful." He comments. 

"They edit and airbrush and everything but thank you anyways." She exhales, rubbing her lips together. 

"Well, we don't have editing and airbrush and everything in person and I'm telling you, you are a very pretty woman." He assures her and she smiles. 

"Thank you." She replies. 

"So, you started only four and half-ish years ago, and you've been in every issue since then?" He asks and she nods. 

"Yes. Some form or fashion I've been in every one." 

"But you don't work a lot." He reminds her what she said earlier, sarcastically.

"I meant no model works a regular 9 to 5." She clarifies. 

"Got it, got it." He puts the magazine down. "It couldn't be like a 9 to 5 because when else would you all  find the time to go out and party with rockstars?"

"Not all of us party with rockstars." I assure him. 

"So this isn't you?" He holds up a picture with Tansy, Robin Crosby, Nikki, and Jon Bon Jovi. 

"I didn't say I didn't party with them, I said not all models do." She explains while he and the audience chuckles. 

"Now, I know, I think, this fella is Jovi." David points to Jon and she nods. "The rest my mind blanks on." 

"Jon, who's obviously sings for Bon Jovi, and then Robbin Crosby, he plays guitar for Ratt, and then Nikki Sixx, who plays bass for--"

"--The Church of Satan's worship team." David cuts her short and she laughs, along with the audience. 

"No, no. No." She states. "Mötley Crüe." 

"Ah, tomato, tomoto." He shrugs and she shakes her head a little. 

"What was happening here?" He asks, referring to the photo and the camera zooms in on it. 

"I think, honestly, Nikki paid rent on time for once and just invited a bunch of people over to celebrate it." She explains. 

"So, there doesn't need to be a reason to drink and party and 'what not' when you're a rockstar." 

"Not really, no."

"When do these guys have time to write songs, then?" 

"I've seen them buckle down and get to work when they need to."

"Really?" 

"Yeah." 

"And you buckle down, too, obviously."

"Well, I--"

"--I want to know what your boyfriend thinks of all of this." He says next and she raises her brows. 

"Oh, he loves it." She tells him. 

"I bet he does." 

"No, really, he does, he's very proud." She continues.

"He isn't jealous or anything like that?" 

"To an extent but he understands that this is my job and I've always wanted to do it since I was a little girl and so he supports me completely." She nervously scratches at the back of her neck with her freshly done nails. 

"You've always wanted to model nude since you were little?" Letterman asks for clarification and she looks slightly stumped by the question, opening her mouth to speak, but nothing coming out. 

"Speak, Tansy, damnit." Her mom whispers to herself. 

Tansy starts laughing off her shock. 

"Modeling in general." She tells him. 

"Oh, oh, good." He grins. "So, your mother is here with you, Diane."

"Yes." 

"She's so lovely." He says and she smiles. 

"Thank you, she is. I love her to death." 

"She seems very...um…focused." He adds. 

"Very much. She keeps me in check, she always has."

"Oh, I bet. Were you ever in sports or anything like that?" 

"I cheered in high school, and did competitive cheer-nastics, and competed in beauty pageants--not that that's a sport but just to give you an idea of where she learned to keep her thumb on me to keep me in line." 

"That's where I was getting at because she very much seems like the type to keep your eyes on the prize." 

"Oh, yes." 

"What does she think of your career as of now?" 

"She's my manager so I don't think she has any qualms with what I do because if she did she wouldn't be as involved." She shifts her legs. 

That was an understatement. 

I realized over years of witnessing her mother contribute to the toxic shitshow starring Tansy as the lead, that I didn't quite know Tansy's mom as well as I had thought. 

I'd later find out things such as this…

"Competition is in two weeks and you call that a front tuck? Tansy, I've seen drag queens do better than that." 

...And this…

"You being first runner up in a pageant full of sand lizards and beached whales is the reason your father drowned in his own vomit."

"I was five when he died, mom." 

"And eleven years later you're still proving you aren't worth the money I spend to make you a winner." 

…Also…

"He knocked that slut Tami up, didn't he?" 

"I don't want to talk about it, Mama." 

"Just say 'yes' or 'no' so I can know whether I won my bet on it or not." 

...And...

"I slept with your ex-boyfriend, Tansy, big deal." 

"He was the love of my life, Mama, what the hell were you thinking?!" 

"Oh, Jesus, he was with you for two years, Tansy, get over yourself. It's not like it would have lasted to begin with."

"Seriously?!"

"You would've eventually found out I was giving him blowjobs when he'd come over to see you, anyway, because if I didn't do it, it wouldn't have gotten done right. Now wipe those damn crocodile tears." 

…Last but not least…

"I wouldn't stay with a man who let his friends abuse me, you know. I don't know why you're too weak to just leave him."

"Because he said it's not gonna happen again, mom. Just drop i--ow! What the hell?!" 

"I told you last time I slapped the piss out of you it wouldn't happen again. Just because he says it doesn't mean a thing…ugh, and quit wearing so much goddamn makeup. I'm tired of my palm being covered in gunk every time. And quit crying. You can pose with your pussy out but God forbid you handle a little corporal punishment." 

Tansy's rehab therapist had her work cut out for her...for sure. 

"And your dad?" David questions next.

"He passed when I was five, so…"

"...I'm sorry to hear that." 

"No, don't be. I'm sure he's proud of me. I know that might be hard to believe for some dads, like, your daughter being in Playboy, but he'd always told me I could always do whatever it was I wanted to do with my dreams and even if he's not proud of what I'm doing, he's definitely proud of me going after and achieving what it was that I wanted." 

[taylorinthetardis]

Only Human - Chapter 2

Alright! Here’s the second chapter for Only Human. The gang go clubbing! Will is extra weird! You guys get a glimpse at my basic ass taste in music! Hooray!

The songs I had in mind for this chapter are:

Good as Hell by Lizzo (playing when they walk in) YOUTH by Troye Sivan (playing when they go downstairs) False God by Taylor Swift (plays when Darcy watches Lizzie dance) Only Human by Jonas Brothers (plays when Lizzie tries to get Darcy to dance)

Again I’d like to thank my good friend @madbaddic7ed for her encouragement and for convincing me to cross post this story.

I hope you all like this chapter. Please feel free to leave feedback and if you want to be added to a taglist for when I finally update, please let me know!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109365

Only Human

Summary:  The events of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice as seen through the eyes of Darcy. Story takes place in modern day London. Lizzy and Jane are American students studying abroad. Their sisters take turns visiting them throughout the story. Bingley and Darcy are recent business partners, but longtime friends. Caroline is as snake-ish as ever. George Wickham is an actual rapist - the rape will not be described in detail.

Pairing: William (Will) Darcy x Elizabeth (Lizzie) Bennet; Charles Bingley x Jane Bennet

Rating: Explicit due to eventual smut

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, some dirty thoughts

Word Count: 3.5K

                                                  Chapter 2: Lock 17

The five of us piled into the back of the cab. Charles and Jane took the two seats facing the back of the cab, leaving myself to sit on the bench seat between Lizzie and Caroline. Lizzie stretched her legs out across the back of the cab. The lights of London illuminated the back of the cab and I got a good look at her combat boots. Caroline did as well.

“Do you see her boots? That’s at least six inches of mud!” She wrinkled her nose in disgust like Lizzie had dog shit on her shoes. It definitely isn’t. But I mean yeah, they’re muddy, she basically lives in a park, what’d you expect?

“I am sitting right here. They aren’t that muddy and they aren’t on your feet so, why do you care?” Jesus Christ, I love her. Lizzie shot a look across the cab to her sister. Jane returned it with one that clearly said “Be nice”. Why should she be if Caroline is going to be a cunt?

“Caroline, be nice.” Is that all you have to offer here Charles? Thankfully, the rest of cab ride passed mostly in silence, with Jane and Lizzie occasionally chiming in with remarks about the area. Having been in the city for nearly two months, they had gotten to know the area surrounding Regent’s quite well it seemed. Blessedly, it was a short ride from Charles’ house to Lock 17, traffic not being nearly as unbearable at eight on a Thursday night. I couldn’t get out of the cab fast enough once it stopped. The brisk autumn air was a welcome cure for the nausea brought on by my nervousness from my proximity to Lizzie and the overwhelming stench of Caroline’s perfume. Once everyone had disembarked, we began the short, uphill trek to the bar. Caroline slipped her arm through mine and snuggled into my arm.

“Will, I’m cold.” She whined. Whose fucking fault is that Caroline? I didn’t pick out your stupid outfit. It’s autumn, in London. We’re by water. What the fuck did you expect?

“Guess you should have worn something a little more sensible.” I replied, struggling in vain to extricate myself from her grip. The more I struggled, the tighter her grip got, like Devil’s Snare. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the smirk come back to Lizzie’s face. Well I’m glad I can provide her with some entertainment. There was barely a queue when we got to the door. The step up into the building caught Caroline off guard and I was able to slip out of her grasp. The main floor was not as packed with people as I feared it would be. Everyone is probably downstairs dancing. Pop music was filtering up from the basement area. I didn’t recognize the song but Caroline did because she went immediately down the stairs. Oh, thank fuck for that. The four of us that remained worked our way through the small crowd to the bar. Charles had his wallet out before we even got up to order. I got my usual Old Fashioned, a double though, since I was definitely going to need the sweet relief alcohol provided my anxiety. Lizzie ordered Rum Punch for herself and Jane. Charles got a Screwdriver and four shots of tequila. He knows I hate tequila. He does this every time we go out. Judging by the look on Lizzie’s face, she wasn’t too thrilled with the prospect of needing to throw back that vile shit either. The bartender set the shots down on the counter. Charles passed them out, then raised his glass.

“To new friends!” We clinked our shot glasses and threw them back. I shuddered. Jane and Lizzie looked like they wanted to spit it right back out. Charles took his like a champ, like he always does. We set our glasses back down on the counter and the bartender asked if we wanted another round. Jane, Lizzie, and I politely declined. We grabbed our drinks from the bar and Charles immediately led Jane to a nearby table, leaving myself and Lizzie behind. Lizzie was looking around, taking it all in.

“This place seems like kind of a hole in the wall. How did it catch the attention of two wealthy businessmen? I’d have figured this wasn’t really your scene.” Oh, God is she talking to me? Why is she talking to me? C’mon Will you know how to do this. You talked to girls all the time at uni. Oh, no I took too long, she’s walking over to her sister. Should I follow her? Yeah, idiot, otherwise you’d just be standing at the bar like a numpty. Why am I so bad at this? When I made it to the table, she was asking Charles the same question she just asked me. I took the seat on the left of Charles; Jane was seated on his right. I stared into my drink while Charles told her the story of the last time we had been sat in this bar.

“… so, we left the concert at The Underworld, it’s this rock club not too far from here, but Darce wasn’t ready to go home, so we walked around Camden for a bit until we found this place. We had been to Lockside, the restaurant just a little further down the canal, for a business lunch before, but we hadn’t been over this way at night since we were in uni. I had no clue this place even existed until we saw the queue.” Charles is so good at talking. Why can’t I be more like him?  He went back to asking Jane questions about America, while Lizzie and I sat in relative silence, Lizzie chiming in every now and then to back up something Jane had said. I finished my drink and went back to the bar to get another. I was definitely going to need it if I was ever going to make an attempt at conversation with Lizzie. I stayed at the bar to drink my second and my third drinks. I was about to order a fourth, when Charles appeared at my side.

“For God’s sake Darce, what is wrong with you? I know you weren’t exactly thrilled to come out with me tonight but I didn’t think you’d be this broody. I was hoping you and Lizzie might hit it off. You’re quite similar you know. You’d see it if you made the effort to chat with her.” What do you think all this alcohol is for Charles? I’m doing my best, my dude. Ooh, my dude? I think imma tiny bit drunk. “I’m getting us another round and then we’re gonna go downstairs. And when I say we I mean you too. You used to be so fun at uni. I know you still have it in you, I think maybe you just need a little nudge to find it again.” I don’t know Charlie boy; I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy. He clapped me on the back and grabbed his and Jane’s drinks from the bar and went back to the table, leaving me with Lizzie’s drink and my own. Oh, that’s very clever Chuck, leave me with her drink so I have to interact… Suddenly Lizzie appeared at my side, taking up the space Charles had just vacated, swiping her drink from the bar. I must have looked visibly startled because she gave me that look again, the eyebrow and the smirk. She took a large sip of it and strutted away from the counter. My body seemed to move of its own accord, grabbing my drink and moving my legs to follow her. She led the way down the stairs while I brought up the rear. I didn’t know the song that was playing, but Lizzie seemed pretty excited about it. She grabbed Jane by the wrist, pulling her towards the dance floor. Charles trailed after the sisters like a puppy dog. Thankfully, the downstairs also had a bar, so I posted up on a barstool to work on my drink, ordering another one before long. I couldn’t see any familiar faces in the crowded dance floor; no Charles, no Caroline, blessedly, but, unfortunately, no Lizzie. I bet she’s a good dancer. She looks like she’d be a good dancer. I wish I could see the way she moves. I wish I wasn’t so damn awkward. I hope no one tries to dance with her. I don’t want anyone else touching her. Wow, four whole drinks plus one shot in – yeah, I was definitely drunk. How else could you explain me thinking about her like that? Like she already was mine. I nursed my current drink more than I had the previous ones. I decided to get up and walk the perimeter of the dance floor. Several songs went by before I caught a glimpse of her again. She was moving slow, in time with the beat. She was alone, but I could see Charles and Jane a little further in the crowd. None of them had their drinks anymore. They must have dropped them at the bar after I got up. Lizzie clearly knew the song that was playing; she was saying the words along with it. I could read her lips from my vantage point. We might just get away with it, religion’s in your lips, even if it’s a false god, we’d still worship, she threw her head back and ran her hand through her hair, continuing to sway her hips to the beat. The lights hit her and her hair reflected it, causing it to look even redder in light. Probably about the same shade as my face. She can’t look over here. She can’t catch me watching her. God, she’s so beautiful. A few more people moved away from the crowd and I got a full view of Charles and Jane. He was holding her close while they swayed to the beat, his arms around her waist. He whispered something in her ear and she smiled. Lizzie continued to dance. Several men moved around her, but no one tried to dance with her. How strange. She’s easily one of the most beautiful women in here. Can they not see it? Do they not see her? How could they ignore her like that when I can’t take my eyes off of her? Can’t they see how stunning she is? I continued to watch her move, imagining what I would do if I had the confidence to join her. What would it feel like to hold her close, like Charles is holding Jane? Would she let me? What if I couldn’t keep up with her? Would she taunt me? Or, would she help me? Would she guide my hips with hers? I could hide my face in her soft hair, pretend there was no one else here, just feel the curve of her arse as it moved against my cock. Oh okay, that train of thought needs to end. I cleared my throat and looked around, as if to double check that no one had heard that thought. I was so lost in my own fantasy that I hadn’t noticed Lizzie had vanished from my sight again, or that the song had changed. Charles, however, had taken notice of my new position and made his way towards me. Jane was no longer with Charles as he strode over. I looked around the room and caught a glimpse of red and blonde hair standing at the bar. They must have decided to get another drink.

“God, Darcy, I think I’m in love! Jane really is the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met!”

“That’s great Charles, I’m very happy for you. Don’t ask me for help picking out the engagement ring though, I don’t know a thing about jewellery.”

“Ha-ha very funny, but I’m serious Darce. I really like her. I’m really hoping that this is gonna be the one that’s lasts. I know its still early days but I just have a good feeling about it. I hope someday you’ll understand; feel how I’m feeling, you know? I think you might really be missing your chance here with Lizzie. I get that interacting with people makes you anxious sometimes, but I really think you should make the effort here. She could be really good for you. Just pull yourself out of your own head for once; have some fun!” Yeah, sure I’ll get out of my head Charles. Do you want me to go ahead and sort out Brexit too while you’re requesting the impossible?

“Charles, just because lightning strikes often for you doesn’t mean it’ll ever strike for me. And I’m okay with that. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. Just enjoy your date, have fun. I’m alright on my own.” Good job Will, that should hold him over. Then maybe he’ll take the hint and stop forcing me to interact with Lizzie. I need to do it at my own pace.

��You’re right, Jane is absolutely incredible. But Lizzie’s very beautiful as well, you have to admit that.” No, I absolutely do not Charles. I shan’t and you can’t make me.

“I just hate seeing you looking so gloomy all the time. Lizzie’s fun and she’s very pretty. She’s got great energy. And she’s so smart. I really think if you just—”

“I get it Charles, but I’m sorry. I just don’t think it’ll work with Lizzie. She’s just, I don’t know, she’s too—," Gorgeous, intelligent, absolutely perfect for me in every single way, “I don’t know Charles, she just doesn’t do it for me, you know? She’s just not pretty enough to tempt me. She’s too soft, you know, in the belly.” What. The. Fuck. William. Patrick. Fitzgerald. Darcy. Why did I just say that? I just called her fat. Why did I say that? I didn’t mean that.

“Will, that’s really unkind of you to say. I think maybe you’ve been spending too much time around my sister.” I sure as hell hope not, but fuck if you’re not wrong. He started to walk away from me. I moved to follow until I realized he was walking towards Jane and Lizzie, who were standing about six feet away, each with two drinks in their hands. I recognized the one in Lizzie’s left hand as an Old Fashioned. My Old Fashioned. She bought me a fresh drink and I more or less insulted her to her face. There’s no way she didn’t hear me. This is why I hate clubs, they’re too loud. I have to yell to carry on a conversation. God, if you’re up there, I wish the ground to open up and deposit me straight into Hell where I belong, please and thank you. I walked towards them slowly. Lizzie stuck her left hand out for me to take my drink from her.

“I got you a fresh one. Seemed like you’d been working on that one for a long time. The ice’s all melted.” I downed the rest of the glass I had previously been working on. She was right, it was watery. She must have been keeping as close an eye on me as I had been on her. Strange.

“Thank you.” I took the new drink from her. She turned and walked away, heading back towards the bar area where it appeared Charles and Jane had gone to sit down. I followed, taking long draughts from the glass Lizzie had handed me. It was nearly empty by the time I reached them. I set my empty glass down on the bar, knowing all too well that my current drink would be joining it soon. But for the time being at least, I had something to occupy my mouth. Maybe that’ll keep me from saying something else stupid or insensitive.

“What have you been up to all night Will? Have you been out dancing? I feel like we’ve barely seen you all night.” Jane asked when I caught up to them.

“Darcy’s not a huge fan of nightclubs. He doesn’t like pop music. Or dancing. At least, not anymore. He only goes to them if I drag him, kicking and screaming. He didn’t always used to be such a wallflower, if you can believe it. He could really tear up the dance floor when we were at uni, right Darce?” He laughed. Drunk Charles really doesn’t know how to keep things to himself.

“I can’t even picture that. This guy doing the cupid shuffle at a college party? No way!” Have I really made such a terrible impression on her? I mean yeah, I guess I have. Lizzie laughed along with Charles. I deserved that. I deserved that. I deserved that.

“He sure could! But not anymore. He’s a serious businessman now and he only does serious businessman things. Like make spreadsheets and flow charts.” Alright the jokes can stop now Charles. He knows damn well why I don’t feel comfortable letting loose anymore. He knows what happened last time. The bartender called Last Call and the DJ put on the last song of the night.

“Oh, excellent! Last song of the night and it’s Jonas Brothers. Well I’m going back out for one last dance. Whadiya say Will? You wanna come with, show us all those dance moves Charles says you’re hiding?” She leant over, getting much closer to me than I was prepared for, eyebrow cocked again. “Or am I not pretty enough to tempt you?” She whispered it right into my ear. I shivered. She didn’t give me time to respond – she already knew the answer. She smirked at me and walked back to the dance floor. Follow her! C’mon legs, move! Charles and Jane went out after her, leaving me alone again. I downed the rest of my drink and settled up the tab Charles had started upstairs. I scheduled the cab to pick us up in five minutes and realized we’d have to track down Caroline. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I ground the heels of my hands into my eyes. When I took my hands away, Caroline had appeared at my side. Well, speak of the Devil and she shall appear. God, when I said I wanted to go to Hell, this isn’t quite what I had in mind. She leant against the bar, looking out at the dance floor, at her brother and Jane as they danced with Lizzie.

“We’re going to have to do something about that, Will.” Excuse me? What is this ‘we’ business? “Charles falls in love too easily. Jane seems sweet enough, but I don’t know about that sister of hers. I wouldn’t put it past her to involve her sister in some scheme. Try to get Charles to part with some of our money. Americans, they’re all so greedy.” That’s rich coming from you Caroline, seeing as you’ve been after my money since you were eleven fucking years old. However, I had to admit that she wasn’t completely wrong. Charles does fall in love too easily. It’s honestly been a miracle that I haven’t had to force a gold digger out of his life yet. I don’t get those kinds of vibes from either Bennet sister, but I’ve been wrong about people before, horribly wrong, and it cost me dearly. I decided I ought to keep an eye on them, for Charles’ sake, just in case. He’d been in so many relationships in the seven years I’d known him. Maybe Jane will be different, but maybe she won’t. The song ended and the lights came up. Jane, Lizzie, and Charles made their way back to where myself and Caroline were waiting at the bar. We followed the crowd up the stairs and out of the club. The cab arrived a couple minutes later and we got in the same way we had earlier. The nausea returned, but now I wasn’t sure if it was the anxiety, Caroline and her perfume, or the copious amounts of alcohol I had consumed. A combination of all three, I expect. The cab took Charles and the girls back to Hanover Terrace first. I didn’t get out. Charles clapped me on the side of my arm as he got out, knowing I knew what he meant by it: we’ll talk tomorrow. As we pulled away, I looked out the rear windscreen. Charles kissed Jane goodnight and hugged Lizzie before following his sister into the house. The Bennet sisters walked arm in arm back towards the park. I felt a pang of jealousy towards my best friend, at the ease with which he interacted with Lizzie while I couldn’t even open my mouth without insulting her. It took about fifteen minutes to get me home to Belgravia. I kicked my trainers off by the door and stumbled up the stairs, reliving every horrible moment of the night in my head with each stair I climbed. I got myself a glass of water and two paracetamol and set them on my bedside table. I collapsed on my bed and reached out to pull the wastebasket closer, just in case. I closed my eyes, but in the darkness, I saw her face. I covered my head with my pillow, but in the silence, I heard her whisper. I slept fitfully.

[nobody-knose--archive]

so guess who bought complete demos today on a whim

yeah i wasn’t expecting this one to be over as quickly as it was either. have your liveblog

-complete demos. i bought it today & already forgot the tracklist. listening to it on the mp3 player i got for hmcrmshcidshdamsth because why not. makes pausing/typing easier that's why

-who the heck just coughed

-good lord the mixing is. and boy that's steve drumming isn't it. wow

-i mean we've got the stereo panning just like ever but this is incredibly rough. they are true babies aren't they

-oh those flutes are amazing what the hell. can people stop yelling in my individual ears

-and there's the rough megaphone. it's so incredibly clear that these aren't studio recordings but like. still tally hall!

-i think i'm finding many of these a little too funny but gotdam you're pitchbending your own voice do you really expect that to not sound so goofy at such a high pitch

-oh we're not slowing down at all, this is the same tempo as before for sure

-the flipping around audio channels is very not good at all when it comes to disguising the cuts between takes

-a sculptor you say? (is that one in the later versions? i don't remember it at all)

-nothing but rob's voices in the background and maybe 1 or two from red. no ross bits whatsoever. that's wild

-quick move into the greener intro and even quicker movement into greener itself

-well those are extra harmonies. interesting that they removed them for later versions because they're not bad, maybe a little out of place though

-honestly the biggest difference in steve vs ross drumming seems to be more a difference in the quality of the drums themselves. or the recording software but that applies to everything in this album

-it's painfully obvious that everything was recorded in really different circumstances & not mixed professionally and yep. complete demos alright. not inaccurately named in the slightest

-reminds me of the beta versions of g&e songs we heard live before they appeared on the album, makes me wonder if we could've gotten an admittedly complete demos for g&e somehow

-anyway these little different synths-

-hello there rob. alternate bridge. i have remembered this is a thing. something about tissues? a shoulder to cry on? cool

-yeah the little different synths do capture my attention from time to time

-and a basic piano for the outro? huh. sure gives it a different tone alright

-hm? who's that right at the end there- ooh! wtth time! and this still has steve in it doesn't it?

-generally more enthusiasm when it comes to that T, wonder what lost him attention in later years

-boy is that beatboxing weirdly mixed.

-lawn

-well this chorus is actually rather snazzy. the vocals seem better mixed than anything else i've heard in this album

-"who's to blame?" that's like the 4th time now i've heard someone's random voice that i can't recognize. ...it couldn't be steve, could it? i am now aware i have absolutely no clue what his voice sounds like but that seems like it could fit. hm

-zubin sounds really unenthusiastic here. just faintly unenthusiastic all over the place. still sounds more like "badiggle" than anything else

-oh shit they're falling down a well

-red's bit is hella unchanged other than the direct invasion of my individual ears & extra megaphone useage (i really wish the megaphone became more of a tally icon than it did but that's neither here nor there)

-it's rather more barebones though. less andrew keys in general. the calliope-reminiscent synth he uses is different i suppose.

-they did more stuff with funny crowd voices i think i've noticed. playing around with falsetto, as a college band dude might do

-ok yeah steve is a worse drummer. don't ask me what made me change my mind but i did

-wow a crowd that can consistently clap on the 1-2-3-4? how utterly unrealistic

-no wonky wild & weird intro to taken for a ride because i don't think it's on this album. understandable, i can't imagine what sort of wild hell the vocoder would be if it was attempted this early in its lifespan

-1st 2 piano chords of just apathy has me thinking of i know your name (deporitaz ver.) which is certainly as good a start to a song as any

-extended piano intro has me thinking of the ending of mold en mono but nope here's rob's voice to completely knock that impression out of the water

-ohoho? rob cantor swearing momence? i hadn't realized there'd be this many lyric changes

-interestingly enough this track doesn't seem horrendously mixed so far- nevermind that guitar/piano together is way too loud

-the guitar itself does have a pretty cool unique sound. obviously they hadn't had any access to string instruments at this point so given that those're the main thing separating this song from your average sade rock ballad there aren't a whole lot of notable differences here other than said guitar

-very different tone to this lil bridge. faintly reminiscent of weezer but it's not like i know anything about weezer

-sounds like the same synth from wtth being used in the bg there. what, did they have just that limited a selection so as to need repetition that frequently, or did they really like how it sounds? hard to tell with 200 (uhhhh) 4 college band dudes

-and right into two wuv. yes i had heard there's no haiku in this one but i forget what else will be missing. not sure if anything else will other than hidden in the sand. they would have ruler of everything, right? and a track that appears here but not any other albums? something like that i think

-more of that piano in the bg and more of mildly unenthusiastic zubin singing. different melody for said singing but it's not much of a secret that these guys were more untrained vocalists at this time

- .subsides?

-this chorus sounds significantly more laid-back than the later version

-the extra piano part sure moves this piece way further away from "rock love song" & way closer to "andrew horowitz song", especially that lil flourish where a bee buzzing might otherwise be

-ooh! andrew! he speaks! so does zubin! this song's two olsen boys coming in for a weird bridge bit! hell yeah oh this is adorable

-"because there's 2 of them :}"

-hm. are they actually just removing various parts because they don't have the technological capabilities to do a straight fadeout here? got dam

-i suppose letting zubin do a final solo-ish cadence works too

-uh- say it ain't so‽ w. no this is stationary love, the song that appeared here & nowhere else. cool, cool. strange but cool i guess

-i guess that can explain the multitude of weezer comparisons made for these lads. it's certainly there. honestly andrew was the only thing keeping them from being true weezer successors

-pure acoustic guitar thus far. this is my first time hearing this song of course & it seems like a pretty typical rob "homophonic heterophobic" cantor song

-nothing but acoustic guitar. nothing but rob vocals. nothing but alloromanticism. guess what! it's not my cup of tea! however i can't help but think if this song was worked on more, fixed up a la either mmmm release, with some more andrew/red touches, i could enjoy it some more

-not even any drumming. the simplicity could easily explain why it wasn't played live very often at all

-so the next thing i expect is some very funky & very weird spring and a storm which should highlight steve's (worse) drumming more than anything else i'm sure

-nevermind banana man's just getting slapped directly in here out of order compared to the later mmmm releases. this version i have indeed heard before because it's the version used in the music video

-therefore i have very little to say about it i haven't said on any of the other banana men. or other tracks on this album. the intrusions of vocal harmonies seem jarring because they're not mixed professionally, an effect that's only enhanced by the stereo panning & intense reverb

-this song really didn't change all that much over its lifespan, did it? vocal flairs were redone, but relatively few harmonies were added/removed, i don't think things like the bridge(s) were modified severely. not as noticeably as any of the other songs, at the very least

-i'm pretty sure i can hear andrew's voice in there but beyond that this is severely unsettling

-back to the chorus wahoo. relievingly  familiar territory

-get out of my left ear hawaiian guitar- wait a minute are my earbuds on wrong

-no i'm good

-oh holy shit i forgot this had to be somewhere didn't it‽ i know it's just the same! ok ok

-i've heard this one but only because i had no idea it was from complete demos, it's like rather polished too so i had never considered it would be on an unpolished album like this. i also had no idea that was goddam steve drumming in there too hot damn

-and this is the only recording of it‽ that's wild i always thought it was redone at some point & just kinda. manifested in one of the vague ways miscellaneous high quality tally hall songs do

-it's another romance one but the guitar arpeggios and extra layers give it a pass in my book. man i should watch the music video for it shouldn't i

-i still think it's utterly wild how tally hall played this at an actual high school's homecoming once. wouldn't that just blow your mind

-there's not a major difference between how it's performed here & what i've heard of it in from the occasional live performance, which is making me realize i should watch more live performances of this song

-angstier prequel to hidden in the sand

-or sidequel maybe. depends really. we can tell whatever stories we like

-did my hidden in the sand sotry come out of the queue yet? i feel like i queued it a while ago but also like y'all would've said something if you'd seen it

-bit slow paced innit. much like everything else in this album, it would have gained much from a professional studio treatment, but its mixing & general quality is still surely the best out of everything i've heard so far

-working your falsetto there aren't you my dude? ooh boy

-ruler of everything.... so no spring & a storm? >{

-yeah. ok. weird glockenspiel. almost sounds like a music box

-no vocoding either! i just realized that's a thing here! curious. and... those are some heavily wonky sfx in the background

-who's singing those aaaaas anyway? it's not a chorus which i thought could surely be handled and there's really minimal reverb too; strange considering not only is reverb a jh trademark but easily doable here

-the piano synth used is mostly identical to the 05 mmmm- oh holy shit there's different lyrics & they're being beamed directly into my skull

-even more nonsensical & it's because you can hear them hella easily too. that backwards segment did not need to go on as long as it did. also

-so no zubin vocals? >{

-slapping 5 billion vocal effects on doesn't make up for a lack of the best singer in this damn band

-especially because he sounds reminiscent of goddam fred. being fred before fred was even a thing. oh how accursed

-quiet down your guitars when you're singing shouting through a megaphone if you please

-and there's the earstrain-ass reverb + vocoding on the flibbity jibber jabber reprise. i feared as much would happen. doesn't sound horrible i just need to turn down the volume on my mp3 player

-honestly thing whole thing isn't bad at all in the sense that it's mostly just strongly different from the later versions & lacks zubin

-lease stop yelling though my dude schwiggling your voice like that isn't always a good thing at high volumes

-is that the end? are we.... at the end? i heard that's the name of some song from like sketches or something

-no. how silly of me to assume as much. anyway my dude needs to fix up his ukulele this one sounds like shit

-no vocal effects makes me realize how few times we got this one live-

-now what would you call a wonky little transition like that? puts a smile on my face, even if it does take me by surprise at the same time

-but at least one of the times this was done live featured casey shea

-now for the love of god i already hate the ending of something glowing (view-monster) for its weird-ass asmr finale don't reverse someone's cough & twiddle your ukulele strings directly into my right ear to end an otherwise really nice version of hidden in the sand if you please. oh mama mia. good night