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dis0rderly-cl0wn-nerd · 3 months ago

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Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Eight - Life's Full of Surprises

Warnings: Character death, angst

Chapter Summary: Jack comes home and things are not at all how he imagined they'd be.

Author's Note: I'm gonna go ahead and apologize in advance 😅 I did not wanna have to kill off this person but it's character development for Jack. He's been through so much already I know, but you have to remember that it had to be a lot for him to eventually snap the way he does. You don't just randomly wake up one day and decide to become a mass murderer.

No I didn't use Heaven Beside You as the song inspiration because someone dies, it's deeper than that lol. I've also had this reoccurring scene in my head where Jack is driving down the road listening to the song at full blast. At this point he's broken from war and now this has happened. He's angry and hurting, mad at the world. This song just seemed fitting. Also I love Alice In Chains <3

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

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Jack walked through the bustling crowd of people with his head down and his hands in his pockets. He’d just got off a flight from Fort Benning. After he left Afghanistan, he went back there to finalize some things and officially be discharged.

The airport was not far from his hometown, less than thirty minutes away. Jack’s plan was to call the house and have somebody come pick him up. He knew it would most likely be his mother.

He went over to the wall of pay phones and fished out a quarter from his pocket to put in the slot. He dialed his home phone number and waited. There was no answer. He tried a second time but still nothing.

Okay… Scott’s probably at work and Mom must be out somewhere. Weird… I won’t bother with them then.

He was unsure how he was going to get home now unless he rented a car. Then he remembered Mike. According to his mom during their last phone call, Mike was still going strong. Surely he wouldn’t mind taking him home.

Jack pulled a small notebook filled with contacts and another quarter out of his pocket and searched for Mike’s number. He was so glad he carried this with him. He wouldn’t be able to remember the number from all those years ago if he didn’t. The phone rang for a few moments and then someone picked up.

“Hello?” A gruff voice said on the other end.

“Mike? This is Jack.”

“Hey! How ya doing buddy? Haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“I’m alright I guess. Listen, I’m at the airport right now. It’s the one near Fairfield. I can’t get a hold of anyone at home and I was wondering if you could come give me a ride. I’ll be out front near the parking lot.”

“Of course. Give me about 20 minutes and I’ll be there.”

“Okay. Thanks Mike.”

Relieved that he had a way home now, Jack grabbed his stuff and headed towards the front. He sat down on a bench outside the building and watched the parking lot, bouncing his leg anxiously. He didn’t know why but since the plane landed he felt super jittery. He wasn’t sure if it was all the crowds of people making him uneasy or the thought of being home again.

Some time later he saw Mike’s car pull into a space. The short and stocky man climbed out and scanned the area for Jack. He spotted him and walked towards the bench, smiling. When he got there, he pulled Jack into a bear hug.

“Jeez, you’ve really filled out. How tall are you now?” He exclaimed as they walked to the car.

Jack laughed. “Good to see you too, Mike.”

He laid his duffel in the floorboard and climbed inside as Mike started the car and put it in gear.

“So how’s army life been?” Mike asked.

Jack shrugged. “Eh, hot and bloody. But that’s the desert for you.”

“I, uh, couldn’t help but notice the scar on your face. What happened?”

“A surprise attack. The humvee I was in exploded. I managed to make it out but a piece of shrapnel hit me.” Jack explained, shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh. That must’ve been really bad. So are you home for good or are you just visiting?”

“I’m back for good now. I got discharged.”

“Why?”

“They said trauma reasons. I had a weird episode while I was over there. I think I could’ve made it a little longer but I guess they didn’t want to chance me having something like that while we were out on a mission. It could cause problems. I didn’t complain. I wanted to go home anyway and this was an opportunity to leave.”

“Oh okay. Wow. Are you okay now?”

“I don’t really know to be honest. I haven’t had anything happen lately but it could always come back. That kind of stuff is unpredictable.”

Mike grunted in agreement and focused on the road. Jack gazed out the window as they entered town and memories came flooding back to him. He was home alright. The jitteriness increased by the second as they got closer and closer to his house.

“How is my Mom?” Jack asked.

Mike slowed down drastically and nearly stopped in the middle of the road. He looked at him with a confused expression and seemed to be contemplating what he was going to say next. Now Jack was confused. Did he miss something?

“Don’t you know what happened?” Mike gasped.

Jack’s heart sank. “What? Is something wrong? Is she okay?”

Mike sighed. “I think it’s best if you go home and find out. It’s not my place to tell you.”

“Um, okay… Is it bad?”

“You’ll find out soon enough. I’m…I’m sorry, Jack. I thought you knew.”

Jack’s head was spinning. Oh God. No…

His main worry while he was away had come true. Something happened to his mother and he wasn’t there to help her. He sincerely hoped she was okay.

Mike turned down Jack’s street and pulled up to the curb in front of his childhood home. Jack grabbed his bag and turned to Mike.

“Um, thanks for the ride. I should go.”

Mike nodded grimly. Jack opened the car door and stepped out on wobbly legs. He felt sick to his stomach as he approached the house.

He reached the top of the steps and took a deep breath. There was no telling what he’d find inside. He turned to Mike and nodded. Mike gave a thumbs up and drove away.

Jack set the duffel bag down on the porch and knocked on the front door, steeling himself.

“What? Who’s showing up here at this time of the morning? Better not be a fuckin’ cop!” A familiar drunken voice slurred.

Jack inwardly groaned. Here we go…

His father opened the door and started to throw something but hesitated when he saw his son.

“Jack? That you?”

“Yes.” Jack said calmly.

Scott tilted his head and stared at Jack, particularly his injured cheek.

“What the hell happened to your face?”

Jack looked down. “Shrapnel.”

Scott chuckled darkly. “At least you didn’t die. I was expecting as much.”

Jack narrowed his eyes. Forcing himself to keep it together, he ignored the comment and changed the subject.

“Where’s Mom?”

“Oh that bitch? Didn’t ya hear? She’s dead.”

Jack stood there a moment, staring back at the drunk in shock. He was unsure if he heard him correctly.

“What?” He demanded.

“One night several months back we got into a fight. Then she hopped in the car and sped off from here. I had no idea where she was goin’. It was raining and she must’ve been too upset to drive because she crashed into an embankment and it killed her.”

Jack felt tears form in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away. He would not let his father see him cry.

“You sick fuck! You’re lying!”

“I’m not lying, Jackie. That’s what happened. Go look at the cemetery. She’s there.”

Jack wanted to hit him so bad. Why was he being so casual about this? He shoved Scott out of the way and stepped inside. The house was a wreck and smelled strongly of booze and weed. Dishes were piled in the sink and trash littered the counter and the floor. Maybe his mother really was gone. He refused to believe it.

“That’s not what happened! Where is she?”

“What part of ‘she’s dead’ don’t you understand? Did you hit your head too hard out there or something?”

Jack grabbed Scott up by his shirt collar, slamming him against the wall.

“You did this to her! Don’t tell me it was just a fight. You probably beat her until she bled. She wouldn’t’ve had to drive off like that if you’d just left her alone. You fucking piece of shit!” Jack screamed.

“Oh, look atcha all riled up. You think you’re some tough soldier guy now? You’re still the same weak little boy you were when you left.” Scott taunted.

Jack lost control and punched him in the face. Scott staggered backwards and tried to counter but lost his balance and fell over. Jack shook his head. This was pathetic. He could’ve really hurt him if he wanted to but he decided against it. This asshole wasn’t worth it.

“You…get out of my goddamn house. Go! Pack the shit in your room and leave. Take that black pick-up with you. I’m getting tired of looking at it.” Scott shouted from the floor.

“Fine. I wasn’t planning on staying anyway.” Jack muttered as he walked towards his old bedroom.

He slammed the door shut as he entered and sighed. The tears came back again and this time they were harder to keep down. The realization hit him like a brick wall. His mother was dead. He didn’t even get a proper goodbye.

Jack ran his fingers through his hair and forced himself to focus on the task at hand. He needed to pack his things and get out. Quickly. If he stayed longer than necessary Scott might go off again. He did not have the energy to deal with that a second time.

His room was the same way it was when he left, except the dust and the cobwebs on the ceiling. The posters of his favorite bands were still on the walls. His drawings and sketchbooks were still there. His pocket knife was still on his nightstand. His bed was still made up and his clothes were still in his dresser and hanging up in the closet.

Before he got to work, Jack looked for more comfortable clothes to change into. He settled on a dark brown t-shirt and jeans. He gained a lot of muscle mass and grew a few inches taller while he was gone so it was hard to find clothes that fit well.

After he got dressed, he went through his closet and his dresser and put his clothes in some cardboard boxes he found. He left the clothes he didn’t want or knew for sure he couldn’t wear. He also packed his music, his sketchbooks, his journals, his pocket knife, his skateboard, a few photos he had, and other useful things like a flashlight. He had no clue where he would go from here and what he might need.

He moved the boxes of stuff out into the hall. Double checking himself, he went through everything again to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind. Seeing that he was good, he stacked the boxes and carried them out to the truck, putting them in the passenger seat.

After a few trips, Jack hauled the last of his stuff towards the door. As he started to leave, he glanced over at Scott one last time. He was downing a beer and eating potato chips like an absolute slob. He didn't even look up. He couldn’t be bothered to at least say goodbye to his son.

So why should I? Fuck him. Jack thought angrily.

He scooped up his things and flung the door open. A rage that Jack didn’t fully know the reason behind swept over him. He darted out to the carport where his truck was, not even bothering to close the door. He tossed the box inside as he climbed in the driver’s seat and sped out of the driveway.

He was getting the hell out of here but first he actually listened to his father for a change and went to the cemetery to find his mama.

…

The cemetery was less than 10 minutes away from the house and near a small church, which Jacqueline attended often. Jack used to go with her a lot, especially when he was little. He never fully agreed with or understood the Christian faith. He guessed there was some kind of higher power out there but he wasn’t really sure what. He only went with his mom when he was a teenager because it made her happy.

Jack parked at the church and walked to the graveyard. The rusty gate made a screeching noise as he opened it. He trekked solemnly through the grass and scanned the rows of headstones for his mother’s name.

Eventually he found her by a willow tree in the back corner. Wildflowers grew in abundance at the base of the tree and along the fenceline that surrounded the cemetery. Jack picked a handful of the blue and purple ones, knelt down by Jacqueline’s grave, and laid them in front of the headstone. He read the engraving and sighed as his suspicion was confirmed.

Jacqueline died a few months into his third deployment. He understood why he didn’t find out at first because he was away from any US bases in Afghanistan where communications were. But when he came back to base after they were attacked, why didn’t he find out then? Maybe things were so hectic it was the last thing on people’s mind but still. He should’ve found out a long time ago.

Tears welled up in his eyes again and finally he let them fall. His poor mama didn’t deserve to suffer like she did and die so horrifically. He could only hope she went quickly and painlessly but he would never know for sure.

“I’m so sorry, Mama. I should’ve been here.” Jack sobbed.

He rested his head against the gravestone and just let himself openly weep for a bit. It had been a while since he had a good cry. He was already dealing with a lot. Trauma from the war, the hideous scar on his face, and now this. It was starting to feel like his life was slowly falling apart.

Jack kissed his hand and then touched the gravestone. “Bye Mama. I love you. Always.”

Composing himself, he wiped his eyes before he stood up and walked back to the truck. He pulled out of the parking lot and started back down the road with no absolutely no idea where he was going or what the plan was.

One thing was clear. He had to get out of here. This town held too many bad memories. If he was going to move on and get better, he needed to start over completely. The highway seemed like the best option right now. He’d take it until he figured out what to do. It wasn’t a very strong plan but it worked for now.

Jack finally hit the main road, leaving the small town in the dust. He was going 10 miles over the speed limit but he could care less. He was mad. This was not fair.

“Stupid bastard! Can’t even spare the decency to take her death seriously. I mean, what did I expect, but still! And I didn’t find out until now?! Almost three months later? No one stopped to think hey maybe we should tell her son! Oh no, he’s overseas, we shouldn’t bother him with that. That’s kinda something I need to fucking know!” Jack vented to the air.

He reached down and grabbed his CDs from the floor, picked one, and inserted it into the truck’s CD player. While in the army he couldn’t enjoy music as much as he used to. The opening guitar riff on his favorite album as loud as he could stand it was so refreshing. It helped him to calm down a bit. He’d crash if he kept raging like this.

Jack was furious at Scott for treating him and his mother like shit for so many years and being indirectly responsible for her death. And then to top it off, being completely careless and unapologetic about the whole situation.

He was also angry with himself for not checking up enough back home. But what could he do thousands of miles away? He just had to accept that there was nothing he could have done about it. That devastated him.

Jack rolled down the window slightly to let some fresh air in, the wind blowing in his face. He belted out the lyrics of the next track as it came on and got lost in the music to let out his rage.

He didn’t understand why all of this was happening to him. He was only 24 and he already had more problems than most people twice his age. Maybe this fresh start would be good for him. Being away from everything that caused him so much pain would be the best way to heal.

A few miles down the road, a gas station popped up out of the monotony of fields and trees in the middle of nowhere. Jack glanced at his fuel gauge. It was halfway to empty. He decided it would be a good idea to stop. There probably wouldn’t be another place to fill up for miles. So he parked beside a pump and went inside the store.

“I need 10 gallons on pump 2 and a pack of Marlboro reds.” He told the woman at the counter.

The cashier grabbed the pack of cigarettes from the shelf and handed it to him. She rang up the total and told him the amount. As he dug some money out of his pocket and paid the cashier, Jack saw a flyer on the wall promoting Gotham City. It sparked a flicker of interest.

“Pfft. Nothing there but city scum and rich assholes.” He mumbled to himself as he left the store, dismissing the idea.

After he filled up his gas tank, he lit a cigarette and started the truck, continuing down the road. At this point he was about an hour away from home. Aside from the military, he had only traveled outside his hometown a few times and not very far. From here on he didn’t know what was ahead. He could only read the road signs and glance at his watch to see how much time had passed.

Jack groaned as he passed yet another billboard advertising Gotham. This had to be the fourth one since he left the gas station. It was like it was trying to tell him something. But he did not want Gotham to be his only option just because he didn’t know what else to do at the moment.

He’d heard many things about the city growing up. Some (usually people trying to get students to apply for Gotham University) said it was full of exciting opportunities and new experiences. Jack knew that was probably only true if you were wealthy or smart.

On the other hand he mainly heard it was crime ridden and dismal, full of corrupt cops and politicians, and just simply trashy. Jack didn’t know if he could handle city life, especially since he was still adjusting to being a civilian again.

He passed another sign and threw his hands up in frustration. He couldn’t give up this easily but he needed to figure this out pretty soon. Currently he had no place to go and he didn’t like the idea of being homeless for too long.

He had to look at the pros here. Renting a small apartment would be much easier than paying for a whole house in an obscure town and then there was the question of finding a house to begin with. If he went to Gotham, he could have a quiet life in an apartment all to himself. To him that seemed to be the best atmosphere for him to deal with all the trauma and grief.

“Where else am I gonna go? I’m not staying back home in that God forsaken place and I can’t just live in the middle of nowhere. Homeless… Ugh. Fine. If there’s nothing vacant and if it’s too expensive, then I’ll find somewhere else. This will give me a chance to start over.” Jack told himself as if to solidify his decision.

So after much debate with himself, Jack began the three hour drive to Gotham City with nothing to go by but signs and an old map he found in his glove compartment. It was getting late in the afternoon and with everything going on he was feeling exhausted and super drained. He had to smoke another cigarette and keep some music on just to stay awake and alert.

He also hadn’t eaten anything all day so hungry was an understatement. He stopped at another gas station along the way and bought a deli sandwich and some Goldfish to snack on.

Finally after a long, tiring journey up the interstate, Jack saw Gotham City’s skyline poke out over the horizon. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was still incredibly nervous about this but at least the driving part was over.

As he crossed the bridge into the city, he marveled at how big everything was. The largest city he’d ever been in was Atlanta when he was stationed at Fort Benning and that was just passing through.

Despite his anxiety, he was really looking forward to this new chapter. He was ready to move on with his life. He left his abusive homelife and got out of the military. Now it was time to focus on actual adult life. Becoming an adult while in the army did him no favors. It actually detached him further from everyone else.

This was going to be a major adjustment. That was for sure.

#ledger joker #jack napier #the dark knight #heath ledger #nolanverse #cross posted on ao3 #my writing

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araminthe · 3 months ago

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Tuesday, 13th of August / Mardi 13 août

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Café "Debotte", in Nantes, France.

Sleep / Sommeil : 1am to 11:30am

I'm proud for sleeping before 2am, but I got out of bed late even though I was supposed to wake up at 9:30am.

I was so tired, I guess the day before had made me really tired so I couldn't help but push back my alarm clock 😭.

Health / Santé : Ate alright; not excessively,

(which I can feel proud of, because I do tend to eat too much or snack excessively when I stay at home too much , so I'm fighting against that, and lately it's been nice.)

Today I walked 6500 steps. That's an alright dose of activity (for me).

Study / Études : 20 minutes of revision only. And 20 minutes of reading my book "kilomètre zéro". (It's a French book)

Since I got up at almost 12 today and got out with friends, I had almost no time to work.

And my family always interrupts me so it's hard to study when they're around.

And when I got home after going out, I was tired and my mind could not work, so I forced myself to read two chapters of my book at least.

My day / Ma journée :

Woke up late. Did a few things. Managed to revise for 20 minutes before going out to meet some friends.

For the first time, I got to a café, and it was with 2 bff's on top of that. (It was in my summer to do list so I can cross that) (੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

And we ate some pâtisseries with coffee and hot chocolate.

I ate a "fraisier" with " du chocolat chaud à la chantilly"

The café was empty when we entered so it was just us, and we ate and talked a lot. Since it was just us, we were so comfortable, and the workers were lovely.

Our other friends are traveling so it was just us 3 from the friend group today. (Funny thing, the 2 friends I got out with today both have the same name) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Then it's already 5pm, we spent an hour talking in the cafe and one of the friend has to go.

So we escorted her and got to the "Fnac" (dunno if y'all know this store, it sells electronic devices and all types of books, it's well-known in France).

We took a tour of the store, just looking around while talking. (Friends really make life experiences a hundred times better ♡♡♡)

Then she also has to go, so I also go, I look around a bookstore that resells books. There was one I'm looking for called "Beach Read", I wanted to buy a used one for cheap but didn't find it. (I could read it in French because I live in France and the book has been translated, but I sometimes like to buy books in English so my English level doesn't decrease. And I'm glad I can buy english books in France, and they also happen to cost less than the french version, which is nice.)

Anyway, I decided to command it in a library, it should be available in less than a week.

Then, I buy some cookies for my hungry brother at home.

And on the way home, I buy myself a bubble tea and a poke bowl.

Wasn't really hungry, so that was my dinner.

When I got home I was just so tired. I wanted to sleep immediately, but it was 8pm, too early.

I preferred to wait until a more adequate sleeping time so I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to sleep for multiple hours. 😔

Anyway, I kept myself busy, read, journaled, right now it's 11:30pm and I will now sleep immediately.

My goal for tomorrow is to wake up at 9am.

(Sleep is my worst flaw right now, and it's the hardest thing for me to improve on, waking up at 9 may seem like nothing for most people, but as ridiculous as it may sound, it's a real challenge for me. And I CAN wake up early if something obligates me, like school or other social reasons. But if it's for myself, it's almost impossible.)

Anyway. I will now sleep and wish for the better.

À plus les chouchous, on se voit demain <3.

By the way, I thought about that only know, but I know right now there are lots of tourists in France because of the Olympic games, and it's even been a few weeks that I hear multiple languages when I go out, like Italian and English, which doesn't happen usually.

Nantes, the city where I live is also part of the 10 most populated cities in France, it's not far from Paris and situated in the West, so it makes sense that people also come to Nantes.

So I was just thinking about that, if some of you are in Nantes right now let me know, I could give out multiple places to visit and lots of things to do. Nantes is an incredible city, there is so much to do.

So let me know. And have an excellent time in France and its beautiful cities. <33

#daily life #fun #france #nantes #summer break #olympic games #cafe aesthetic #dessert

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purplesurveys · 4 months ago

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1897

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? Considering the traditional and backwards culture my country is known to live by, I appreciate someone who's open-minded and thinks in a more modern, less discriminating way.

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? It depends...this is a very broad question. I can be aggressive when it comes to people or things I deeply care about, and mostly mellow-ly nonchalant towards everything else.

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My parents, easily.

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? I don't. Nothing regular.

5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? It would be nice to grow old with my best friend, but I also don't, like, actively pressure her to do so. She has her own future and family to think about, and I don't mind being one of the supporting characters in her arc. It would just be nice to have the rest of our lives together.

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? It used to be 100% better than myself, but I'm slowly starting to prioritize myself now too. That being said, I've started to enforce boundaries and to learn how to say no when I want to.

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? Eh, nothing. It's fairly silent at the moment.

8~ Where was your last vacation to? We had back to back trips to Bulacan, Vietnam, and Tagaytay the last month. My family also booked a last-minute weekend someplace south but I didn't go with as I went to Hans and Angela's engagement party that same time.

9~ Where was your last car ride to? My uncle's new place! He finally moved into the home he's been building and finishing up the last few years and it's beautiful.

10~ Where did you last walk to? Just upstairs, here to my bedroom.

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? Rainy weather.

12~ Are you a light sleeper? No, I'm usually nearly impossible to wake up which is why I always need 4-5 consecutive alarms set.

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? I get veeeerrryyyy conscious sleeping around other people, so it's usually them.

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? Like less than 10.

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're not shakers; they're just tupperwares with their own scoops.

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? Intentionally? Years ago. Maybe 6 or 7 years ago. Unintentionally – happens a lot, so yesterday would be my best guess.

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? City. I grew up in the suburbs my entire life and don't know the sound of a bustling city at all. I'd love to be surrounded by it now that I'm at pretty much the peak of my 20s.

18~ Have you ever built something? I'm sure I have.

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? Taker and user. I like going by other people's lead.

20~ Do you take naps? Rarely. Only when I'm extremely, extremely beat – like yesterday.

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? I always do it last-minute and get stressed every time lol, I never learn.

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? Dance, yes. But I don't think I've ever laughed out of nowhere. I always at least remember some kind of memory.

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? That I have been mentally strong. Or thoughtful – that would honestly be nice to hear, too.

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? Like, of anyone? I saw someone on Reddit say they enjoy cleaning out their shower drain and that the more hair they get out of it, the better. Something I never expected to read that day tbh lol

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? Absolutely, and I need it more and more these days since there's now so much more demanded of me at my job, with everyone having eyes on my every move. By the end of every fucking week I'm just out and do not want to deal with anything and anyone.

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for the child to outlive their parent? The former definitely, just because that's not usually expected to happen. My aunt had her son (my uncle) pass at 40; there's not a week I don't think of her and how she's doing.

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? I found a copy of the WWE Encyclopedia in pristine condition at a secondhand book store. Copped that shit i m m e d i a t e l y.

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? Prioritize myself and my feelings.

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? Mostly people who have had more experience than I've had in our industry. It's intimidation coming from a place of respect, though – I try not to be actively scared of them and instead take the opportunity to learn from them no matter what their mentorship style is (unless they are assholes lol, which I won't tolerate. But thankfully I've never had to encounter someone of the sort).

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? Ades probably? He's the kind of smart that almost makes him weird, but I've never found it off-putting. I like hearing his thoughts whenever I can.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? After-work hours, ie anytime after 6 PM; or on the weekends – which is the time I get to think without needing to worry about deadlines.

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? Choosing to move on from my ex four years ago; I genuinely thought there was still a chance we could get back together. I was desperate and delusional at the start, trying to still keep up conversations with her whenever I could and thinking that any reply from her was progress in the direction I wanted. Soon enough I realized that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore and seemed perfectly fine and free without me, and that made it much easier to move past.

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? No.

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? It's just a plain black glass mug.

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? From my own observation of others around me, 25 seems to be quite the hurdle. Everyone seems to be so pressured and is doing a bunch of stuff to overcome the quarter-life crisis...but personally I think I've handled it quite well and am proud of that.

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? I think my anxiety would eat me alive for the better part of it, but it's a day. I think I'd be able to manage, even if barely.

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? L.

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? Sure.

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? My Army lightstick, hah.

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? I'm terrible at wrapping presents so I either have my sister do it (if we still have time, because I do my gift shopping last minute like I said) or I just buy a bunch of paper bags to put my gifts in.

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bicsbec · 1 year ago

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The Most Mundane Slice-of-Life Date Ever (ao3 link)

Luz had been planning this for months. Well not this particular date under these particular circumstances, but a date with Amity. Any date with Amity.

Planning was a big word, too. It was more like daydreaming. She had a list she went through in her head of different dates.

Bowling, brunch, a movie, a picnic, the beach, roller skating, going for ice cream or milkshakes like in those old teen romance movies, or going to a bookstore, or—

"Luz? Hey, hello, where are you?" Hunter waved a hand in front of her face. She swatted it away.

"I'm right here."

He raised an eyebrow. "Right. Stop thinking about Blight for two seconds and focus. What can we get Camila?"

Luz scrunched her nose at that. "Just call her Mom already, sounds weird when you use her name."

Hunter blushed at the suggestion. "That's—that'd be disrespectful."

"You calling her Mom would be better than getting her something," Vee said from the cutting board. "Or we could make her dinner, like a nice one."

They were already making dinner, but it was just because it was their turn to cook that week. Gus and Amity had cleaned the common areas and Willow had been hanging up the laundry. Mamá would find the house spotless once she got back from work.

"If that's the case, Hunter should stick to peeling and cutting, and only what we hand you," Luz said, pointing a spoon in his direction. Last time he and Gus had been left in the kitchen alone, they'd created an abomination, the affront to nature kind not the magic kind.

Hunter shrugged. "It wasn't that terrible."

"Glad you could digest it," Luz shot back. "Now, el cumple de Mamá."

"I think it should be a small thing," Vee said, bringing Luz the diced potatoes and pumpkin for the beans. "We're already a handful, don't wanna stress her out more than necessary."

"Right, so dinner, maybe game night? Or a movie. And cake."

"No ghouls?"

"No ghouls, Hunter. She doesn't need one to follow her around the whole day, telling her how many years she's got left."

He raised his hands defensively. "It helps you appreciate your remaining days, that's all I'm saying."

"It is effective," Vee agreed. "But it might give Mom a heart attack, so no."

"Thank you, I like my mothers alive," Luz said playfully. But the phrase only made her think of Eda. Her stomach swooped anxiously, an itching desperation crawling down her nerves. She could only hope that Eda was okay. That King was okay.

She ran a hand down her face, trying to ground herself. It was easy to spiral. Her friends were safe. She was with Mamá. They were doing everything they could to get back. These things were enough.

They're not, but they have to be.

"That smells good," Amity's voice snapped her back. She looked back to see Amity smiling at her from the entrance to the kitchen.

"Thanks," Luz brightened."It still needs like 20 or 30 minutes so las viandas can soften."

"Sounds good, I'll tell the others."

She watched Amity walk away, getting excited all over again. After dinner she was gonna ask her out. Mamá had already okayed an outing as long as Luz kept her up to date on their location. Easy enough.

"Are they becoming less gross to watch or am I getting used to it?" Hunter asked Vee.

"Hey! We have toned it down a lot," Luz said defensively.

"You're getting used to it," Vee told him. "It's the eyes, Luz. It's impressive, really."

"Bah, you two just hate love."

Vee and Hunter shared a look. She flipped them both off. It wasn't as satisfying when they were still learning human gestures, especially learning the difference between the ones that you only use with friends and the ones you definitely shouldn't use outside of those circles.

"This one means 'screw you' and it's a 'between us' one," she explained, mostly to Hunter. Vee had started to get the hang of them faster since she had her summer camp friends. They'd been slowly reconnecting after Vee got her new face.

"Got it," he said dutifully. "Well, screw you, too. We're the ones that have to put up with it."

"How tragic for you, I have a girlfriend and we like each other."

"It gets obnoxious. You're flaunting."

"Cry me a river. Just tell Willow already."

Hunter's eyes widened. "Lower your voice."

"Tell Willow already," she whispered, smug as all hell.

"Tell me what?" Willow entered through the backdoor with a basket full of laundry, setting it on the table.

Hunter's face was red, Luz wasn't sure if he was blushing or angry at her, his posture stiff and awkward.

"That's my bad," Luz covered easily. "The guys wanted to surprise you with a Flyer Derby match. They've been trying to find a good spot where you could play without worrying about being seen."

Willow brightened immediately. "Aw, that's really sweet. I miss playing, just tell me when."

"S-sure thing," Hunter gritted out, only slightly less stiff.

She smiled at him, picking up the basket and heading into the living room to fold.

"I hate you," he turned to Luz.

"You're welcome."

Flapjack chirped from Hunter's pocket, wiggling out and perching on his shoulder.

"But she—Flap! Fine. Thank you, Luz."

"What was that? Did it sound like he meant it to you, Vee?"

"No, not really," Vee said, playing along easily.

He looked between the two of them, murder in his eyes. He took a breath, relaxing. "Thank you for not telling Willow, Luz."

"Nah, don't worry, bro. That's for you to do," she shrugged, ready to stop teasing him. "I, unlike you, am a sucker for romance."

"Yeah, okay," Hunter chuckled.

After dinner had been served and Mamá told them about her day, Vee and Gus headed over to the Swap to play Mariano Go-Kart as Hunter and Willow watched, transfixed by the tiny people in their little cars. They all sucked terribly at the game, always looking at the wrong split screen when playing. At least they always had a good laugh about it.

Luz thought about buying more controllers so they could all play instead of taking turns. She'd never needed more than two before.

She leaned behind the couch, next to Amity, watching as Vee fell off the map, pulled up by a turtle in a cloud.

"Oh, I thought that was me! Ha!" Gus laughed, even though he was in 10th place.

"This game is weird," Amity commented. "Where does the Snaggleback get that long hook?"

"I…actually don't know, it's probably something crazy, though," Luz said. The Mariano Siblings lore always was a little unhinged. "Hey, can I steal you away for a bit?"

"Uh, sure," Amity smiled. "Where are we going?"

"Just out front. It's a little more quiet," Luz said, taking her hand.

"Okay."

They sat down on the front steps of the house, lit mostly by the lamp above the entrance and the streetlights. The night was cool, the first wisps of autumn chilling the air. Amity sat close to Luz looking for warmth as her hands were enveloped in her abomination mittens, but they weren't quite right. The color had begun to change the more time they spent in the Human Realm. It wasn't less magical, Vee could assure them of that, but it was less of their world, more of this one. That by itself made Amity and Willow especially more homesick.

Luz took her hand, slime mitten and all. This was exactly why she wanted to take Amity out on a date. Something totally normal to balance out the insane.

"I've been thinking a lot lately," Luz started.

"You always are," Amity pointed out good-naturedly.

"Right," Luz smiled. "But I was thinking more about us. I had promised you a date when all of this was over and, if I recall correctly, you seemed eager for a tour of the Human Realm when we were looking for, y'know, uh, Philip's diary, so, uh…"

"Yeah?" Amity was smiling, encouraging Luz with her little speech.

"I know that things are still crazy, even though it doesn't feel that way. I mean, you're stuck here and I'll do everything I can to get you guys back, but we don't know how long that'll take and what I'm trying to say is: this is the new normal, for the foreseeable future at least."

"Uh-huh."

"You can totally say no if it's too weird or too soon or you're not in the right headspace for it, but would you wanna go on that date?"

Amity kissed her cheek. "You're so silly. Of course I would."

"Oh, okay," Luz relaxed, she hadn't realized how tense she was. This was Amity after all, she didn't need to be so nervous. "When?"

"You're the one asking, you should know," Amity said with a playful smirk. "I don't have school or extracurriculars or anything. I'm free whenever."

"Right, right." As it turned out, enrolling kids without birth certificates or any kind of documentation into a human school was insanely difficult. Especially if they had pointy ears and didn't grasp human social cues.

"We could go this weekend or tomorrow after I get back from school," Luz suggested.

"Sure," Amity leaned into her, hugging her arm. "Anything in mind?"

"Uh, y'know, just the most mundane slice-of-life date ever."

"Right," Amity giggled, dispelling her mittens and lacing her fingers with Luz's. "I can't wait."

Luz blushed, really wanting to kiss Amity. Properly kiss her. She'd been trying to work up the courage ever since the Day of Unity, but she always chickened out. The crowded house and her mother hovering in the background didn't help either.

But she could try right then, ask Amity or lean in or—

The door slammed open.

"Luz. Luz! I beat your high score!" Gus announced excitedly, ramming a steel bar down Luz's spine.

So, this is how Hunter must've felt.

"Ooh, am I interrupting something?"

"Nope!" Luz stood quickly, almost dragging Amity with her. "We were just heading inside. Wait—" Gus' words registered. "How did you beat my high score?"

He hadn't. He was reading the scale backwards; it was the lowest score. Luz didn't have the heart to tell him.

It was always hard to concentrate at school. Before the Demon Realm, her mind wandered during class, spacing out and daydreaming about fictional worlds. She had tried to pay attention but it never stuck. Only two subjects were interesting enough, English and biology; one for the stories and one for her taxidermy projects.

After the Demon Realm? Her attention had never been more all over the place. How could she go to school when King was in the hands of a terrifying little god and she could only hope Eda was some semblance of alright? How could she go to school when all her fantasies and nightmares were real?

At least today she was distracted for a different reason.

She couldn't wait to go home and get ready for her date with Amity. She was excited to be able to look forward to something for once. She had stayed up late planning their date, laying out the schedule to make sure they had time for everything.

"For next week, I want you to bring in a paragraph. Work in a prompt that could lead to a grander story. It could even be a single sentence," the teacher was saying as the class came to an end. Luz absently scribbled down the reminder as most of her classmates began to pack their things. "We'll work on story structure next week, so you'll need your paragraph to expand upon. Please don't plagiarize! And do it yourself, don't ask a classmate; it'll be easier if it comes from you."

The school bell rang and half the class was already on their feet and out the door. Luz packed her things, eager to head out.

"Luz, do you have a minute?" her teacher, Ms. M, said as she passed her desk. Luz stopped, unsure if she was in trouble or not. Her teachers barely talked to her if it wasn't to say she was doing poorly in class or needed to apply herself more. "I heard that last semester you were distracted in class, but from what I've seen this semester, you've been…well, depressed, frankly. Has everything been okay at home?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, Ms. M," Luz said, confused but trying to be reassuring. Her teachers had never expressed concern for her specifically, just concern for her grades.

"Okay, that's good to hear. You have seemed a little brighter these last few days, still distracted, though," she smiled like she was in on a joke with Luz. Luz was waiting for the Your grades have been slipping or aren't looking so good. "That was all, just worried. Just know that you can come to me if something isn't okay at home. I don't want to keep you, you can head on out. You seemed excited." Weird. She was a relatively new teacher, maybe she didn't know Luz's reputation yet.

"Alright, thanks, miss."

Luz thought about the interaction on the bus ride home. It was a little comforting; it was a sign of change, that she'd changed. Nothing much around her had indicated that time had passed, that she'd been in the Demon Realm at all (except for its actual residents currently living in her house). Her teachers resented her past disruptions, her classmates were just that, classmates; even Bosha had held longer conversations with Luz.

It'd usually been the case that she didn't give much weight to what her teachers thought, unless it worried Mamá as well. But Ms. M taking notice felt nice, a recognition she had never craved before. The approval of a teacher.

Eda.

Eda was more than a teacher or mentor or guide to the Demon Realm. But her approval had always felt like earning an A-plus. Her first banned poster, her first wild glyph, her first heist; Eda’s eyes shone with pride after each one. Eda loved teaching her and caring after her, and Luz loved being under Eda’s wing. She missed her.

She was at her stop.

"Hey, what's that look? Everything okay?" Willow asked as she came into the house. Gus' air mattress was still out, Willow and him huddled in the blankets. Hunter still had his nest of pillows and comforters on the couch. The explosions from the TV paused, what sounded like a Flare Strikes movie binge. They must've had a very late morning. The scene alone was enough to brighten up Luz a little.

"Just, uh, missing Eda," she sighed, dropping her bag against the mattress and slumping across Willow's lap. Willow was always a calming presence, being able to soothe her frayed nerves with a giggle and an encouraging pat.

"Aw, I'm sure she misses you, too," Willow said with a reassuring squeeze. "We're all missing family, but we're not alone at least. And your mom is awesome."

"Yeah," Gus said with a half smile. "We're gonna see them again, one way or another. It's unlike us to just quit."

They looked up at Hunter, waiting for him to say something.

"What? I'm starting to like it here, I'm not exactly eager to—"

Gus and Willow smacked at his feet.

"I mean, of course we're gonna get home," he said like it was obvious. "We're getting you guys back to your families, yes, obviously. Just sayin' it's not a crime to like it here. After all, Luz liked the Demon Realm."

"Yeah, that's fair," Luz sighed. "Just wish we'd have a big break or something, or just got lucky for once."

"It'll be fine," Willow patted her head. "Hey, isn't today your big date with Amity?"

Willow was an awesome friend, always knowing exactly what to say to course correct Luz's spiral.

She immediately perked up. "Yes, it is. I have to go get ready," Luz said, crawling out of the air mattress.

She found the door to her room (or their room, given that it was being shared with Vee, Willow, and Amity) closed. Luz knocked, lesson learned a few weeks ago.

"Come in."

She opened the door and was yanked in by the arm. There were two Amitys in the room, the one clinging to her arm in her pajamas, looking a little disheveled and anxious, and the other with her arms out in a very cute yellow day dress.

"Willow, I need your opinion before Luz gets home. Do you thin—" the anxious Amity finally looked over at Luz. This was her sweet potato.

Vee shifted back with a smirk.

"Luz!"

"You are so friggin' cute!" Luz pulled her into a hug, making her giggle.

"I'm still in here!" Vee said, fake grossed out, walking towards the door. "Wear the dress, Amity. Luz's eyes sparkled when she saw it, okay? Sparkled."

Luz felt her face heat up.

"It was very pretty!" Luz said defensively.

Amity was blushing.

"Okay, I'm out. Have fun on the date," Vee said, closing the door behind her.

"I'm guessing you need the room," Amity said, moving to pull out her box of clothes from under the bed. Storage was becoming an increasing nightmare; when at home, they usually just wore whatever fit, but Willow and Amity had separate boxes for going-out clothes and underwear.

"Yeah, I'll just change real quick."

Amity pulled out the dress she'd been looking for. "Okay, I'll be downstairs."

She kissed Luz's cheek on her way out, her lips like a spark that left a soft, wild thrumming under Luz's skin and stomach warm.

Luz got ready in a flash, grabbing her phone, the tote she'd prepared the night before, and her spare keys, all while smiling. She couldn't really stop. She rushed downstairs to find Willow spinning a laughing Amity as Vee and the boys voiced their approval of her outfit.

"Es que mira, they're a matching set," Vee said when she saw Luz by the stairs. Luz had picked out her nicest graphic tee layered with a violet flannel and denim straight pants; the colors, she now realized, went nicely with Amity's dress and hair.

"Give us a twirl!" Gus bounced from his slightly deflated mattress and conjured an Illusion Gus next to Luz, taking her hand and spinning her, too. Luz felt her smile grow to the point it was a little painful. She hadn't really smiled in a long time.

As Gus' illusion dispelled, Luz felt something melt away from her chest. Like a weight that had been dragging her heart through rocks. She felt lighter, the laughter and voices of her friends dusting her off and chipping away at the debris.

They were doing everything they could, not just to get back, but to be normal kids. And for once, it felt like enough.

"Bueno, hermosa, we should get going," Luz said, extending her hand out to Amity. She was already blushing, linking her arm with Luz's.

"Have fun on your date," Willow called.

"Bring her back by ten," Gus said in a silly voice, like a dad in a movie.

"Of course, sir," Amity played along, hand to her chest in sincerity.

"Remember what Mom said," Hunter's voice followed them to the door. "Location on!"

"Chill out! I'm on it," Luz called back, pulling out her phone. She first texted Mamá, letting her know they'd gone out and sent her a live pin that would last a couple of hours.

"Okay, ready?" She asked putting away her phone as Amity closed the door behind them. Luz heard a small sniffle and stopped cold. "Amity?"

"Yeah, sorry," she looked up, her nose red and eyes a little watery. "It's just—" She took a steading breath.

"What's wrong?" Luz brought a hand to her cheek, wiping away a stray tear.

"It's just nice, y'know? For a second there it felt like being back home. Ed and Em were—are a lot like that. Whenever one of them went on a date it was always a big fuss. The teasing and hyping up and all that…I always thought they'd do the same with me."

"Oh," Luz smiled, easily imagining Ed and Em's banter and cooing over their little sister. "I'm sure they still will, when you tell them all about your date with your awesome girlfriend." Luz nudged her playfully with her elbow, getting a smile from Amity.

"Yeah," she agreed, linking their arms again and starting down the sidewalk. "I'm sure they will. By the way, did I hear that right? Did Hunter call Camila 'Mom'?"

"He did, didn't he? She's gonna be so excited."

"Think she hasn't heard him?"

"I think he's practicing."

"Cute," Amity said and immediately scrunched up her nose. "Never thought I'd say that about the Golden Guard."

Luz laughed. "Well, I think it's safe to say that he's hardly the Golden Guard anymore. He's more like a—"

"Dorky older brother?"

Luz tapped her nose. "That's what it is."

"I already have one of those, you can keep this one," Amity joked; Luz giggled.

"Yeah, okay. I think Mom likes him anyway. It works out."

"So, what are we doing? For the date, I mean."

"I would say it's a surprise, but I really wanna tell you," Luz said brightly. She could tell her face was gonna hurt after today. "Okay, so, first I thought about doing like a thousand things, but I realized we only had an afternoon and I really wanted it to be perfect. I promised no monsters and no duels so the movie theater was out, they only show scary stuff in the fall. Next I thought—"

"Luz," Amity shook her arm impatiently, amused by her girlfriend's rambling.

"Okay, okay. Big clichés, so first we're going for milkshakes."

"Like smilksnakes?"

"But without snake straws."

Amity nodded, maybe a little disappointed. Luz knew how it felt to have something so familiar become incredibly foreign because of a few letters. She remembered how Amity lit up at the mention of rugby, but increasingly lost her enthusiasm as she saw a match progress.

"Where's the scarab? Where's the peril?" Amity had asked. Luz didn't want to imagine the severity of her disappointment if Amity had actively liked grudgby.

But Amity remained excited. "And then?"

"Up to you. We could go to the bookstore or—"

"Bookstore."

Luz chuckled. "Okay, bookstore. And last, Gravesfield Park. How's that sound?"

"Perfect," Amity sighed, leaning on Luz's shoulder.

"Perfect," Luz smiled, kissing the top of her head.

Luz had stumbled her way through the Demon Realm, making mistakes and offenses she had no idea about, with no one that could stop her overexcitement in time. She was glad she could be there for her friends as they navigated through the Human Realm. An odd fumble in the Demon Realm just meant someone that was slightly weirder than the rest, nothing too out of the ordinary. In the Human Realm, they would stick out like a sore thumb, like Eda had, calling a lot of attention to themselves.

"Just follow my lead," Luz said reassuringly as they sat down in a window booth. She scanned the QR code on the table with her phone. "Here, this is the menu. If you have any questions, let me know."

Amity had a lot of questions. It was a fun challenge trying to help Amity figure out the flavors.

"Milk chocolate is the same as chocosmilk, only a little sweeter."

"Ooh, how about a banana split?"

"It's very much not a public dismemberment of a banana."

Amity sat back defeated. "The Human Realm is so mild."

"Yes, it is." Thankfully.

A waitress approached them. "You girls ready to order or do you need more time?"

Luz looked over to Amity, who seemed uncertain. "A little more time, please."

"Sure." The waitress moved over to another booth, unfazed.

"Look, this one's kinda like Ghoul Aid, but a little less awful. And boba is like boiled firebee eggs."

"Got it. I think we can order now," Amity said, handing Luz her phone back. "Do you know what you're getting?"

"Yeah, Papi took me here once, the day after we finished moving. He'd ordered pistachio and I ordered mint," Luz smiled at the memory. "I took a sip from his drink by accident and made a face, he couldn't stop laughing. So I always kinda get pistachio now."

Amity took her hand, interlacing their fingers. "That's really cute."

The waitress came around eventually, happy to interrupt their conversation.

"Ready to order, girls?"

"Yes, I'll have a pistachio milkshake, please."

"And you?"

"Um, a mint milkshake."

"Mint. Okay, anything else?"

"No, that's all, I think," Luz smiled pleasantly. "Thanks."

"Yep." The waitress walked away unceremoniously.

"Is it me, or is she rude?" Amity asked in a hushed voice.

"Nah, she just has to deal with people all day. We're tipping big before we leave. It's rude otherwise."

"Is that human etiquette?"

"I guess so."

"What else is considered polite?"

"Oh, that all depends on context and even then, it's easier to point out what's rude."

Amity listened with rapt attention as Luz began to list things she knew to be rude and different quirks in human etiquette. Luz thought that perhaps Amity didn't like the Human Realm like she liked the Demon Realm, but she seemed to like learning about it. Or maybe hear Luz talk about it.

They'd somehow ended up talking about the spork as the superior utensil, when the waitress brought up their order.

Luz thanked her and slid Amity her milkshake.

"Oh, I see," Amity said, inspecting her glass.

"Hm? Oh, the color, yeah."

"Does it taste much different?"

"Wanna try?" She offered her a straw. Amity took a sniff of her own drink and tried it. Her face revealed nothing. She waited for the taste to wash out and leaned over to try Luz's.

"Oh, these are both something," Amity said nodding, clearly fighting to keep her face pleasant and making Luz burst out laughing. "Yeah, I don't know how you drink that. I'll stick with the mint."

Amity chuckled at Luz's laugh, then let out a cute little snort and started laughing in earnest, Luz's laugh too contagious.

"Ay, batata," Luz managed after calming down. "So, are they much different?"

Amity stuck her tongue out at her playfully, sending them into another fit of giggles. Luz could've kissed her there, her cheeks pink from laughing, golden eyes bright as she looked at her. But she didn't, it had to be perfect. She had a plan. And they were having fun, conversation was easy, laughter bubbling at the surface.

They finished their drinks with jokes and silly antics in-between, like showing Amity "human magic."

"Check it out," Luz said, holding her straw over the crinkled paper straw wrap she'd carefully extracted. Amity's gaze was focused, her curiosity getting the better of her skepticism. Luz dripped over a couple of melted milkshake drops onto the paper, making it expand rapidly; she'd always loved that trick when she was a kid. Amity's eyes widened as the paper worm slowly halted its stretch.

"Is it alive?"

"Nah, it's just magic," Luz wiggled her fingers for emphasis. "Paper absorbs water, so it expands when it's all squished together like that."

"That's hardly magic," Amity said with a raised eyebrow.

"But you were amazed, weren’t you?" Luz said, wiping the table and tucking the tip under the napkin holder. She held out her hand for Amity. "Come on, we got places to be."

Old Gravesfield was still a walkable town square, with old family shops and newer establishments lining the sidewalks. The roads were narrow, originally built for carriages instead of modern cars, and the pavement was an old mix of its original cobblestone and repaired patches of cement with imprinted brickwork. Luz had never really appreciated the curiosities that Old Gravesfield had offered her, but now she saw the town with new eyes, and saw its potential for answers on a way back to the Demon Realm, Hunter's Golden Guard sigil being the most taunting and infuriating.

But this time she was walking down the sidewalk with her girlfriend, on their way to the quaint bookshop in the town square. No monsters, no mysteries, no deadly duels, no questing for answers. Only showing her girlfriend around the town she'd partially grown up in.

"Where is it that Mrs. Noceda works?" Amity asked as she looked around the shops, occasionally nudging Luz when they passed a place where Eda was banned.

"In the new part of town, it's less cramped over there, but there's more car traffic," Luz said, stopping at the entrance of the bookshop. "Here we are."

"Surprised Eda isn't banned from here, too," Amity said inspecting the sign. It read Hoot's Books, a little owl with glasses as its mascot.

"She'd first have to step inside," Luz said good-humoredly, opening the door for Amity.

The shop smelled old, like the smell came from the building itself having existed a long time, a little dull, a little humid, all shrouded in an unshakable layer of dust.

Amity started pulling on Luz's arm urgently. "Oh, it smells like, it smells like—"

"The Forbidden Stacks."

"—the Forbidden Stacks."

Amity's eyes were bright, a little part of home in a sea of unknown territory. The bookstore had been the better option.

"Wow, I had a stupid big crush on you back then," Luz said, recalling the day and her stomach-turning nervousness around Amity.

"So did I," Amity said, her cheeks turning red. "I could've phrased it better, about being stupid and all that, but being around you sorta short-circuited my brain."

"Hm, can relate," Luz said playfully, kissing Amity's cheek.

Amity eagerly perused the shelves, dragging Luz along by the hand. There were no titles she could possibly recognize, but she still seemed to be searching for something.

"Do you think they carry the Azura spin offs?"

"Oh, maybe," Luz said with a start, eyes scanning the genre labels. "It could be a special order, too. They're not super popular."

"Why not?"

Luz shrugged. "People don't know how to recognize good literature."

"Someone there?" A voice came from the aisle over. He peeked his head around the side of the shelves. He was surprisingly young, but had a tired look that aged him. "Hello there. Let me know if I can do anything for you or if you have any questions."

"Yes, do you carry the Good Witch Azura's spin off series?" Amity perked up.

The guy wrinkled his nose like he was thinking about it. "Doesn't ring a bell. Let me check the system."

He made his way over to the counter, booting up a computer that had seen better days. Amity looked back at Luz.

"Do I follow him or…?"

"Yeah. If they don't have it, he'll probably ask if you want to place an order," Luz said. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, it's fine. I got this." Amity seemed determined to conquer this aspect of the Human Realm by herself. Books were something she would know, magical or not. Luz smiled as she watched Amity walk up to the counter, her stoic Blight-in-control mask in place.

While Amity waited, Luz went down the aisles, skimming over the title and waiting for something to catch her eye. She'd always been pulled into the fantasy section before, but was now being pulled into the history shelves. Gravesfield near the Deadwardian Era, witch hunts and hunters; she'd gotten so used to research that she naturally gravitated toward anything remotely connected to returning to the Demon Realm. Stories of tricksters and deals gone wrong, crossroads and alluring fiddles. They couldn't afford to pass anything up.

She scanned the shelves, an odd assortment of old books that seemed to have sat there since their first printing and newer books, editions she realized were brand new and the clerk had been shelving, a cart with more copies by Luz's side. She'd already read some of these books from the library, but the titles that caught her eye made their way into her hands. Gravesfield's Witch Hunters,The Witches of Gravesfield: Suspect and Trialed, Witch Hunter General Wittebane: the Legend and Disappearance.

Luz stopped in her tracks. She scanned the back of that one more carefully than the others. Caleb Wittebane, Witch Hunter General, and younger brother Philip… it was Belos. And a brother. Caleb. Belos had called Hunter that name when they were in the Titan's head. They'd lived in Gravesfield. Luz's heart was racing, hope soaring through the roof.

It was a break. Something. It wasn't a way back to the Demon Realm, but it was evidence of…sanity. Philip Wittebane, a guy with a paper trail, an actual person, not a boogeyman or specter haunting the shadows of her nightmares. A guy that vanished in the 1600s. Something tangible.

Amity appeared beside her with a bounce in her step. "Gary said I can pick up the order next week," she announced excitedly. "Next week!"

Luz jumped, startled, but couldn't help but smile. "That sounds great. Can't wait to read something other than old newspapers and fake apothecary manuscripts."

"Find anything interesting?"

"Not terribly," she handed over her small pile, still searching the shelves.

"Wittebane?" Amity murmured, flipping opened the book for its summary. A shock of cold dread ran through Luz. She'd been distracted, she hadn't realized what she'd handed over.

Luz felt frozen to the ground, waiting for Amity's judgment to come.

"Philip was a witch hunter? Look, he had an older brother too. Was he trying to get back to him with the portal door?" She seemed to be musing to herself. "Or maybe they got lost together. But his journal never mentions his brother. Huh."

She looked but from the book to find Luz petrified and looking guilty of something.

"What's wrong?"

"N–nothing, I just, um—" But there was nothing to give her away. The book wouldn't say that Philip was Emperor Belos, it wouldn't say that Luz had taught Philip the light glyph, it wouldn't say her friends had been living with the monster that had enthusiastically aided Belos in meeting the current reigning terror of the Boiling Isles, it would say nothing beyond the story of the brothers Wittebane and their sudden disappearance. Anything else was trapped in Luz's conscience, edging to get out and confess, but finding every excuse not to.

Not the first week, they were all terrified; not the second week, they were buried in research, not this week, it had been good and Luz had never heard Hunter laugh that hard before; not that week, Gus had a bout of homesickness; not this week, they'd been plagued with nightmares. Next week, next week, next week…

"Did you know?" There was no accusation in her voice, but Luz flinched anyway. "Did the Echo Mouse show you a page or…?"

"Um…okay," she took a calming breath, the guilt that had been coiling in her chest released. She was not about to lie. "Okay, okay. I did know, but it's a little more complicated than that."

"Okay," Amity said easily. She really had no idea how terribly it'd been weighing on Luz. And that was the point, Luz's best kept secret. Her self-loathing and guilt.

"I can explain it better once we get back and I'll explain everything, too. I just—I want us to enjoy this date."

"Hey, yeah," Amity ran a soothing hand across her shoulders. "Of course, don't worry about it." She kissed her cheek. "Unless there's reason to be worried." The words tilted into a question, verification of Luz's well-being.

"No, no," Luz said, a little tired, a little relieved. "Or at least, I don't think so."

I certainly hope not.

"So," Amity nudged her good-naturedly. "How about we pick something more date-like instead of research we're always doing?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Luz said, trying a smile. "I am going to take these home, though." She pointed to the pile.

"I know," Amity said, not unkindly. "Come on, batata."

No questing for answers.

They continued to browse through the shop, picking up titles and avoiding plots that sounded a tad too familiar. Slice-of-life, mundane, peaceful, boring. Boring would be great right now.

Amity had suggested they pick a book to read together, something new, a clean slate. Luz loved the idea. As anxious as she was to get back to the Demon Realm, having something that was theirs from their time in the Human Realm was charming. Not that it wouldn't be laced with anxiety and the uncertainty of being able to return to the Demon Realm, the beginnings of their relationship was tainted with a similar anxiety. But there was a devastating sense of calm in Gravesfield, they weren't being hunted, they didn't have to dismantle an empire, everything was…quiet. Like still water. Anticipating a disturbance that usually never came.

Luz was happy to give Amity however many moments of reprieve from that anxiety as she could manage, even if it meant shouldering it by herself for a while.

Amity settled on a contemporary YA that had come out a few years ago. Luz had never deigned to pick it because of its lack of fantastical elements, but now it seemed like the most compelling storyline she'd come across. A sweet coming-of-age story, growing pains only experienced through harmless school shenanigans and misunderstandings. Peaceful and boring.

They checked out with their little pile of books and a reminder that they'll receive a phone call when the Azura books arrive. Luz tucked them away in her tote and led the way to Gravesfield Park.

The sun was only beginning to set, but the street lights flickered on, most of them thankfully working. Amity huddled closer as the evening cool settled around them. The walk was placid, everything it needed to be. Peaceful and boring.

Gravesfield Park was tragically close to the Historical Society, something that felt like the closest the universe will ever get to saying, Screw you specifically, Luz Noceda. But Gracefield Park was one of the few decent spots for a date, so it was something she was willing to put up with.

She pulled out a thick blanket from the tote and laid it under the fading shadow of a tree, strategically blocking the old building. She kicked a few leaves off and wiped away the grass blades as best she could, using the weight of the books to pin down one of the corners and sitting adjacent to it. She propped herself against the tree and patted the spot beside her.

Amity sat down, hugging Luz's arm and leaning on her shoulder. "So, is this a picnic?"

"Sure," Luz said with a shrug. "It's whatever you want it to be really. Wouldn't call it a picnic 'cause I didn't bring much food. But it's definitely picnic adjacent. It's…a quiet moment. With the best girlfriend in the world."

Amity kissed her cheek, that soft spark still there. "That's really sweet. I've loved today. It's a nice break from everything."

"Yeah," Luz agreed with a slow nod. The day was bleeding out of her, a soft wave of exhaustion washing over her. The night before planning, school, walking from place to place. It was nice to sit down for a while and just talk. "So, what do you think of the Human Realm?"

"It's just as strange as I thought it would be, a lot less," she paused looking for the word, her hand gesturing almost as if to aid her along, "violent? Dying seems a lot harder to achieve casually."

That made Luz laugh. "I mean, sure. The weather is less likely to pummel you to death, rainbows are a trick of the light, and the bees aren't on fire. Danger in the Human Realm is more intentional, I guess. Depending on where you are."

"It's a change of pace," Amity said.

"Definitely," Luz nodded. "That it definitely is."

"I like how you talk about it. Your home. You do make it seem less strange."

"Only because I know the Demon Realm," Luz smiled softly. "It's made me see home with new eyes. It's fun, finding the right words, the closest possible equivalent to it so my world seems more approachable. I want you guys to have fun when you can. New normal and all that."

"I like this new normal," Amity said with a sigh. "As much as I miss Em and Ed and Dad, I know I'm gonna see them again. That's not even a question. So I try not to feel guilty for liking it here. For enjoying the quiet. And your mom had a point, we should get to be kids. I don't want to feel bad about it."

Luz realized Amity was good at keeping secrets, too. Silent things they didn't share with each other, even though they understood it, felt the same compulsion to keep it to themselves. They all had their burdens and they still struggled to share the load. Selfish and possessive.

But then they had moments like this, where sharing was easier, where they realized the load would be lighter if they shared more often. Fleeting exceptions to their silent rule, but exceptions that were never ignored.

Luz took her hand and brought their interlaced fingers to her lips. "I really, really get that, hermosa." She wished she could do more, never realizing she did enough.

Amity brought her other hand to Luz's cheek, turning her head and leaning her forehead against hers. "I know."

Her thumb was soft against Luz's cheek, a gentle caress that coaxed her forward. Luz couldn't stop the grin that spread on her lips.

"You're so much better at this than I am," she whispered.

That seemed to startle Amity, pulling away a little to look at her. "W-what do you mean?"

"No, no, that was really smooth," she said quickly, blushing, her head finally catching up with what almost happened.

"I mean, it was," Amity was blushing, too. "I'd been trying to kiss you all day."

"Amity," Luz was laughing. "We've got to stop doing this. I've been trying to kiss you since we got here. To the Human Realm, I mean. I had a whole plan and everything and you just stumbled into the perfect moment like it was nothing."

Amity was laughing, too. "Wait, wait, what was the plan?"

"Okay, so, Gravefield Park has these fairy lights that come on an hour after the street lights, so I was waiting for them so I could give this big romantic speech about making the best out of a crummy situation and you making that easier and yada, yada—"

"No, not yada, yada. I wanna hear that speech."

"You'll get it later. Anyway, I was still figuring out how to transition from the speech to the kiss and then you just," Luz gestured uselessly, "you just nail it. No effort."

"Luz, my heart was hammering out of my chest," Amity said gravely. "I would not say, 'no effort.'"

"Okay, okay," Luz said with a shake of her head, steeling her nerves. "Can I kiss you?" She felt her face warm at the question, which felt silly since she was the one asking. And even sillier was that Amity, smooth as she had been, was blushing, too. They both laughed at themselves. Why was this so nerve-racking?

"Yes, oh, my Titan. Yes," Amity said, leaning against her forehead again, her hand returning to her cheek. This time, Luz took the lead, understanding why Amity's heart was hammering out of her chest. It was absurd. "You okay?" Amity whispered.

"Yeah, this is just terrifying," Luz said in a breathless chuckle.

"It's just me," Amity said gently. And she was right. It was just Amity. Her wonderful, patient girlfriend. The girl she laughed with, fought against and alongside, the girl that made butterflies flutter in her stomach and blush like she was sunburned. It was just Amity.

Amity, who gave her courage and support, who drove her forward and made her rest. Amity.

Luz leaned forward gently, her heart pounding in her ears. And just like that she was kissing her again, her stomach fluttering alive. Amity's lips were soft and a little wet, warm and electrifying.

Luz had no idea what to do with her hands this time so she just held on to the hand she was already clasping. She was also running out of breath, so she pulled back softly, breaking the kiss.

"How do people do this for a long time?" She wondered out loud, not really meaning to say it.

Amity giggled. "I think they just breathe on each other."

"Weird. Didn't expect a learning curve, or rather, I thought it would be different."

"It's not bad, though," Amity said with a shrug.

"Yeah, you're right," she said, her face heating up again.

"Luz?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Hm, let me think about it," she said, making Amity laugh before she leaned in again. This time it was a little braver, her lips moving against hers once. Luz tried it, to see how it felt. It was weird but not unpleasant. Like it took a little getting used to. Amity pulled away, leaving Luz a little dizzy. She wasn't sure if it was the not-wanting-to-breathe-on-Amity thing or something else. She just knew they were both red-faced.

Just then, it got brighter above their heads and they looked up to see the fairy lights that were strewn overhead to poles and streetlights.

"Oh," Amity said with a little awe. It was mood lighting. Luz's plan would've been perfect, if she had followed through. But this was also perfect. It was clumsy and awkward and theirs. She wouldn't trade it for the smoothest pickup line or suave move. This was their perfect.

They got home just as the sun had finished setting, the sky an odd blue, the lightest residue of purple and orange scratching the horizon. Vee and Gus could be heard in the dining room, laughing, probably playing Hexes Hold'em by the sound of it. Hunter was passed out on the couch, his feet resting on Mamá's lap as she watched the news; Willow had stopped behind the couch to watch the TV too, her original destination seemingly forgotten.

It was Mamá and Willow who greeted them.

"Hey, how was the date?" Mamá asked casually.

They both turned red, suddenly bashful. One usually got to go home to gush about a date and it's small wonderful moments to one's respective household, but their current arrangement didn't allow that. A small oversight in Luz's planning.

"Oh, well," Luz started flushing more than she thought possible, "I thought it went well." She swung her arms back and forth, trying to release her nervous energy.

Mamá seemed to realize the mistake in her question a little late.

"I thought it was perfect," Amity managed in a casual tone, but her face was pink.

"Oh, that's lovely!" Mamá said, recovering.

There was a beat of silence, and it was the closest thing to actual Human Realm magic. A silent understanding, a still race.

Almost at the same time they blurted out:

"Dibs on Willow!"

"I get Vee!"

They laughed and raced toward their confidants, Amity dragging Willow up the stairs and Luz barging into the dining room, ready to gush about their date, a small semblance of different households for just a moment. A different type of normalcy.

The house felt lighter than it had in weeks, different corners alive with laughter and giggles and uh-huh, then whats. Luz's face did hurt from all the smiling. Then she got to the part in the bookstore and remembered the titles and her promise to explain everything. So she did.

She brought Gus and Vee up to her room and knocked.

Willow opened the door. "Luz, not now. Amity's getting to the good part."

"It'll have to wait," she said, determined to finally get this out. "I have to tell you guys something."

It felt like finally letting go of a long held breath, like releasing a terrible nagging knot in her back. It felt like stepping out from under a ridiculous weight, your feet skimming the surface of the floor.

She told them. About Philip and the glyph and the Emperor's mind and the Collector and how they found that Philip had a brother, a man with the title of Witch Hunter General.

Gus gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"I was wondering when you'd be ready to talk," he said with a sympathetic look. "You and Hunter have been killing yourselves with this, keeping it quiet."

"You knew?"

He shrugged. "I got a good look at that monster's noggin, it was really twisted in there. You know it's not your fault, right?"

"I-I don't," Luz said, defeated. "I don't know that. If I hadn't—"

"He would've found someone else," a voice came from the door. Hunter. "We've talked about this, Luz. You know he would've found someone else to trick. That's just how he was."

Gus nodded. "It's true."

Their words didn't do much to ease Luz's conscience, but it did help to hear that they didn't blame her. She had friends that loved her and trusted her, trust that had been earned through the same kind of kindness that had her tricked. Of course they wouldn't blame her for it.

"We'll always have your back, Luz," Willow said with a confident smile. "Just like you have ours. Now get out." She started pushing them out of the room. "Amity wasn't done."

Amity giggled at that, helping clear out the room.

"Done with what?" Hunter seemed disoriented, like he'd started to wake up just then.

"Ooh, stay. Amity will fill you in on their date," Willow said, pulling his sleeve.

"Nope!" Luz yanked him out of the room. "My brother, I get to tell him!"

"Yes! I'm in the sibling squad!" Gus jumped on Hunter's shoulders.

"Tell me how she tells you later!" Willow called before closing the door.

"Ooh, double agent. You got it, Willow!"

Luz couldn't help laughing, feeling as light as she ever had since returning home. She hadn't realized how she'd underestimated her friends. How unfair she'd been to them.

As they sat down at the table and Gus a Vee filled Hunter in on the details and Luz handed him the books they'd bought, she made a silent promise. One last promise. A promise to never doubt the people in her life, to trust them as they trusted her. To be fair to them.

One last promise.

#lumity #toh fanfic #the owl house #the most mudane slice of life date ever #human realm shenanigans #ao3 fic #8.4k words #complete version #this took me forever on my phone #im still figuring out how to format the rest of them #writing #fanfiction #bicsbec #the noceda house oneshots

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tangleweave · 1 year ago

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22. what have you learned by proxy of roleplaying and rp researching?

[ Wonder Mun / Accepting ]

Oh, god. I don't even have a clue where to start! I'll just write some things down.

Regarding RP researching, I've learned a whole host of mundane or bizarre factoids (or at least points of interest) which have absolutely zero impact on my life and which would bore people into walking away from me with a slow shake of their heads (if I were any kind of social butterfly). Google tells me my most recent searches include Krugarr (the alien sorcerer from GotG 3), a history of the Jedi Explorational Corps, Shakespearean love quotes, how many languages Stephen Strange can speak, and what size of shark can fit in an oval bathtub.

With regards to RPing itself, as an activity? I've learned (/realized) that most of us around here have varying feelings of insecurity and really just want some positive attention, some good vibes in this hellhole timeline we've managed to find ourselves in, and that cooperative writing is a fantastic vehicle for it. Also, it feels good to be able to slip into the skin or mindset of another character for 20 minutes, an hour, a few hours, and live a very different life than the one I lead. The escapism is wonderful... and real life is a bitch to come back to! Probably the lesson I'm still working on absorbing is that there is such a thing as too much escapism and that I need to figure out a proper balance to avoid burnout in any aspect of my life. That's less RP and more just Life In General, but RP figures heavily into my daily activities... so it needs to be part of that mental conversation.

#answered asks #brooklynislandgirl

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dancing-to-architecture · 1 year ago

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25 - ABBA - The Visitors

*Creepy* album cover. Just eerie and off-putting.

So, cards on the table, I am not a big fan of ABBA. (Spotify has them listed as 'the 149th most popular artist on their entire platform', so i know this is An Unpopular Stance). I also don't know a single song on this album.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

•The Visitors-

Creepy synth strings on the intro. Is this Dark ABBA? Maybe not, the singing came in and it's pretty overtly poppy.

That said, the proto-autotune here sounds pretty damn cool, and the actual lyrics perfectly describe 'having social anxiety and you're throwing a full dinner party in 20 minutes'.

Very "Who are these people and why the fuck are they in my house?" vibes.

Maybe this IS dark ABBA.

•Head Over Heels-

A song about the Toughest Woman On The Planet, which this musical journey has shown me is Decidedly a Type of Woman.

Interesting instrumentation on this one. Almost ethereal at some points.

Only problem i have with it is that i don't know if what they mean by hear over heels isn't exactly what that saying means.

•When All Is Said And Done-

Gotta say, i like a pop breakup song that is mature enough to say "actually, neither of us is the reason this didn't work out, sometimes things just don't work despite what we want".

•Soldiers-

Regarding the chorus: i urge you to listen to The Monks' Black Monk Time about 'songs that soldiers sing'. (Then again, when i was in, i knew far more punk/(nü-)metalhead soldiers than hooah-assed cadence-singing dipshits.)

Also, i get the idea that civilians often get pulled into wars despite the efforts of the soldiers, but that's way less on the soldiers themselves and mostly due to the horror of war finding a shitload of new and interesting ways to destroy humans over the last 120 years.

•I Let The Music Speak-

I'm not sure which of the A's is singing lead on this one, but: THOSE PIPES, GIRL. holy shit, she's straight up belting on this one.

Kinda darker, but still somehow a little upbeat throughout the darkness.

•One Of Us-

Not quite the inverse of 'Said and Done', but i do like the novelty of the song's concept: writing the sad breakup song from the pov of the dump-er who's still feeling pretty miserable about it.

I've definitely been here before.

Soul-shredding but still quite pretty, overall, which is a tough line to walk.

•Two For The Price Of One-

Okay, right off the bat: A. A trivial occupation? TRIVIAL?!

Sanitation workers are what keep "civilized society" from immediately collapsing into a total cesspool of human filth and you from contracting all the typhus and cholera and the numerous others in the horrid violently-shitting-yourself-to-death genre of diseases, so i won't be having any smacktalk on my custodial engineers out there.

B. Nobody should be excited about a BOGO sale on... *checks notes* ...Women?

[Office_space_million_dollars_two_chicks_same_time.gif]

Last line reaction: wait a minute, IS HER *MOM* "GIRL NUMBER TWO"? WHAT IN THE PORNHUB IS GOING ON HERE?

What a weird, "creepy in a bad way" midpoint song.

•Slipping Through My Fingers-

Songs like this make me feel a bit better about not being a parent, because I'm certain this song is a common lamentation regarding parenting: "there's so much i want to do and i feel like I'm missing so much of my child's early life because I'm stuck at goddamn work."

•Like An Angel Passing Through My Room-

Feels like a lullaby, but the subject matter is about remembering the dead.

Which... might be a Scandinavian lullaby for all i know. I've seen some old European lullabies that were pretty wretched.

•Should I Laugh Or Cry-

So far, this one feels the most like 1981. Pads and synths and then synth drums and then somehow still more synth.

Okay, see, there are way too many songs like this and not nearly enough like the Dixie Chicks classic: "Goodbye, Earl".

If you don't want to go so far as to kill 'em, then just leave 'em. Either way you deserve to finally be happy again.

•The Day Before You Came-

Severe Tonal Whiplash after that last song. This one is pretty great, the instrumentation feels a little "Castlevania"-y, and the lyrics perfectly capture that utter Bolt From The Blue feeling that is "meeting someone who you already KNOW is gonna change your entire life".

Just going through the motions, without really thinking about the time going by, and then someone comes out of nowhere and shakes your whole world up like a cheap snowglobe.

•Cassandra-

One of my favorite of the classical Greek tragedies, tbh. A woman cursed with detailed knowledge of future calamities, and nobody believes her.

An interesting modern take on the story.

•Under Attack-

The metric foot is all over the place, one line will have like 12 syllables and the next one has 5, but it really adds to the off-kilter, kinda disoriented vibe of the lyrics.

Also, NO MEANS NO.

NO MEANS FUCK OFF.

NO MEANS IF YOU KEEP ASKING ME I'LL HAVE TO TAKE ACTION.

NO MEANS I'M GONNA EMPTY THIS ENTIRE CAN OF MACE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYEBALLS IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME.

Well... surprisingly, i really enjoyed an ABBA album. Wasn't honestly expecting that after a lifetime of not digging their singles. (There was a point in time during high school where i legitimately believed the worst part of having so many gay friends was the sheer OMNIPRESENCE of "Dancing Queen".)

I'm certain there's going to be more ABBA along this journey, but I'm feeling a lot less trepidation about it now.

Also, i just might have to relinquish my title of "the only person on the planet who has yet to see 'Mamma Mia!'"

Unrelated entirely, but Spotify automatically started playing more music, and it just now hit me that the intro to Blondie's "Heart of Glass" is basically the same as Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like A Hole", just without Trent's trademark stank (affectionate) on it. That is all.

Favorite Track: The Day Before You Came, what an interesting way to describe what's effectively a day of no real importance, only important because of a lack of something you didn't even know you were missing.

Least Favorite Track: Two For The Price Of One. Even removing the possible incest-y shit in that last line depending on how you read it, this song is just creepy as shit, AND it insinuates that janitors can't get laid without paying for it, which i am here to tell you is categorically incorrect. Utterly bizarre to have it on the album, let alone its placement inherently making it the centerpiece of the album.

#1001 albums #dancing to architecture #ABBA #The Visitors

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plscallmeeren · 1 year ago

Text

2 D A Y S A N D D A Y S

'The dirty leaves are sailing

On a hot wind ocean

And the summer comes and the summer goes

And always has and will

And something, somewhere that you said

Goes ricochet all through my head

And flashing like a neon sign, the time stood still

Hours of forever

Running all together

Like the crossroads of a minute

And you and me were in it

And I never saw it coming

Never saw it fade away

Today, today, today

Days and days

And still the whining of the wheels

Is closest to the way I feel

And winter comes and winter goes

And always has and will

Another hour, another day

Another year you pissed away

Remember walking in the rain

I'm walking there still

Like every heart to beat before

And every wave to kiss the shore

I'm not the first, I'm not the last

And soon to be your past

But every morning

When the light comes

Creeping in around my eyes

Another future falls behind

The one I had in mind

Days and days'

- Concrete Blonde

I slowly packed my things into my bag, sliding my notebook between my history books, then my planner...

I was in the state again. That state of derealisation where you have no fucking idea what's going on, you're pretty sure you're dreaming, and nothing matters and you're at total peace with everything.

What were the gods thinking when they created Pisces?

"Miss Crown, would you hurry up, please? I have places to be, you know," the shrill voice of my maths teacher sounded, annoyance lingering in her stare after her words were fully drenched.

"Of course," I replied quietly, feeling nothing as I slung the worn leather bag over my shoulder and picked up my folder, gliding over the floor to leave the room.

That teacher was difficult. Certainly, she had suffered trauma via loss. Most likely the death of a child or much younger sibling. She's just one.

The halls were busy, students chattering and gossiping and complaining like any of it was important. Strange. Why did they care?

In the end, we were all on a single planet in one solar system in one galaxy in one of endless universes which is completely unimportant, and even if it were, you are a single person in the mind-boggling endlessness of time, with a single problem or matter of distaste or new relationship that will make absolutely no difference to anything.

Strange.

'This is the strangest life I've ever known'. Jim Morrison said that. Smart guy, though he needed the drugs to realise it, often.

But I do it, too. Worry about things. Worry about people. About myself and how I look. No point denying it. We all do. Whether for ourselves or others.

My feet had wandered less aimlessly than I had thought, leading me to the forest surrounding our school like a comforting blanket hiding the lunatic assailment it felt like.

The first leaves had already descended to their early disconnection. I liked to think of them as hitting the ground, hitting reality. Like before they were transformed, they finally understood. I hoped that's what happens to humans, too.

I watched my shoes as I walked along the thin path that was hardly a path anymore due to lack of use. Crappy, plastic, black boots that reached my ankles. One of the three pairs of shoes I owned. I used to think they looked like DocMartens. Now I didn't think anything of them, whatsoever. I simply didn't care.

20 minutes later I was sitting at the bench Eddie and I had practically claimed, listening to Concrete Blonde and doing some of my mind exercises. I was half broken out of the state, but it would take talking to someone or having them talk directly to me for me to wake up. I didn't really want to. It was so peaceful in my mind for once.

"Hello, beauty," Eddie's voice drawled, circling the wooden table in a mesmerising fashion. It should have woken me up. But somehow... his presence made the world more ethereal than before.

"Hello," I breathed, noticing as the word left me that the circle was cracking, ancient safety and understanding that I had claimed thoughtlessly tumbling away, fraying at the edges.

"What are you...doing here?," he asked carefully, eyebrows raising as he stumbled around.

I didn't answer, just looking at him, watching, remembering, feeling. But it wasn't the bad kind of feeling I was used to.

"Hello? Raven? You good?"

My head rolled once around, its weight tolling on my neck as my tongue poked out between my lips momentarily. My head lolled to one side and then another lazily as I hummed the opening of Tomorrow, Wendy quietly, Eddie giving up on his questions as he sat down beside me.

It is complete now, 2 ends of time are neatly tied - A one way street; She's walking to the end of the line - And there she meets; Faces she sees in her heart and mind; They say, good try. Tomorrow Wendy is going to die.

"Beautiful," I whispered, staring at the sky as to not drown in Eddie. And drown I would.

"The sky?," he questioned, sounding a little confused but accepting, accepting of my strange behaviour.

"No," I denied, my gaze finally wondering down to meet his.

"What then?"

"You," I said simply, smiling gently as his eyes widened a little.

"Me? I'm beautiful? Nah," he disagreed, his face leaning close to mine. It broke.

"You can't run from the truth forever," I saved myself, relishing in all the human emotions I was cursed and gifted with anew.

"Oh, the truth? So this is an objective observation?" he grinned, twirling a strand of hair around his fingers.

"Yep," I chucked, no longer able to sound serious. How could I?

"Well, okay, then. Guess that mystery's solved." He smiled widely, adoration clear in his eyes as he looked at me. I only knew one other person who had ever looked at me like that. But even with them... it didn't overwhelm me quite as much. Not really.

It made me feel giddy with love, being looked at like that. I savoured the moment dearly. That is, until I realised I was looking back the exact same way.

"Well, fuck me if I'm wrong-"

"You're wrong," Eddie interjected, making me scoff in joking disbelief as he looked at me innocently.

"You did not just- okay. Sure. Sure. But I'm not wrong," I glared, watching him blush profusely. Not so shamelessly confident after all.

"Now I've forgotten what I wanted to say," I groaned, throwing my head back dramatically.

"Then I guess you were wrong," he smirked, playfully draping an arm over my shoulders.

"I never made this deal, love," I reminded him, placing a finger on his lips as he leaned in teasingly, pushing him away gently.

"Don't you wish you did?"

"Man, you are one step ahead of your past self, ain't ya?" I smirked incredulously, shaking my head as I spoke.

"C'mon, you can't tell me the sight of these hands doesn't turn you on," he countered, holding them up as if to prove it.

I couldn't answer, laughing already at the truth of his hands being a sight for sore eyes.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," he finalised, leaning back with a triumphant look on his face.

"O...kay," I drawled, "let's just move on from that theme, kay?"

"Do we have to?"

"Yes."

...

"How are you so tense?" I questioned incredulously, squeezing the spots just over his shoulder-blades thoroughly.

"How are you so good at this," he countered, leaning into my touch more and more as I found a sore spot.

"That would be called experience," I pushed down on the muscle just beneath his arm, making him yelp. "Found the motherfucker."

"Yep," he wheezed, holding his sides defensively. I laughed quietly, resting my chin on his shoulder.

"I'll just finish this bit and then I'll stop, 'kay?" I offered, Eddie reluctantly nodding.

"I still think it'd be better if I took my t-shirt off."

"I still think I would agree if you didn't say it with such a suggestive undertone," I countered, slipping my hands back under his shirt to continue.

"That's an opinion."

"Romeo and Juliet being a tragedy is an opinion."

"Damn."

I sighed, sitting down behind him with one leg on either side of the bench: "Apologies for the scornful metaphor, I'm just reading it at the moment."

"What, Shakespeare?" he asked, puzzled, looking even more confused as I nodded.

"But- We're doing The Prince in English at the moment, remember? Why are you reading Romeo and Juliet?" he turned his head backwards so that he could look at me.

"God, I love that book. But believe it or not, you can read outside of school, as well," I teased, ignoring the eyes squinting at me as his head fell forward again.

"No, I know that. I read stuff for... never mind. But why Shakespeare?" he pressed, disbelief caressing his words.

"Because there's a reason people liked him in the first place. He's good," I defended myself, withdrawing my hands from his back. He turned around quickly, grabbing my hands so that I couldn't pull them back.

"Hm. But it's all so sad." His eyes shone as he looked at me, but I could tell his mind was far away.

"Not as sad as The Prince. Power has a way of doing that," I added softly, tracing endless lines over his hands with my free thumbs.

"What do you mean?" His eyebrows furrowed adorably, wonder taking the place of the former distance in his eyes.

"Well, the book's about power. How to gain it, how to keep it, how cruel you have to be. Politics, basically. And there's nothing as sad as politics," I explained my thought process, my eyes wandering his face like it was a new world to explore. A foreign one, yet one that still felt like home, like a beautiful stranger. I didn't mind exploring for once.

"At least in America," he grinned, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"At least in America," I agreed, nodding with raised eyebrows and a smile.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

Our gazes met, and I felt whole for a moment. Like how I felt earlier, but with emotion. Is that... happy?

No, I'm happy all the time. Often. It doesn't feel like this. This is strange. Different. Mesmerising.

"Do you like girls?" he asked finally, gulping visibly as if this might offend me.

"Would you mind if I did?" I countered unsurely. He didn't strike me as homophobic, but then again, many people wouldn't until you tell them. Tess.

"No," he replied, but there was a definite hesitance in his voice. Mind you, a hesitance I was not naïve enough to think of as homophobia or hatred. More like disappointment.

I contemplated. I waited. This was no easy thing to say. Such hatred had ruined possibly one of the most important things in my entire life for me. But it was Eddie. How could I not trust him? It would be distasteful. Disrespectful after all we had been through.

"Then yes, I like girls. Do you?" The quizzical but earnest look on my face apparently caught him off guard, because he started laughing a little.

"Yeah. Yeah," he nodded hastily, smiling widely as he continued, "but you like boys, too?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Uh, don't think so. But who knows, right?" he smiled, which set off the inevitable domino effect that had me smiling, too.

"Can I ask you a question?" His expression morphed in surprise, but he quickly nodded.

"How is it you were never scared of me? I sent a kid to hospital on my first day here, I've beat up multiple since, my reputation proceeds me as a psycho or something... and if that's not enough, anyone else was scared off by the fact I actually dated Billy Hargrove for years. But none of it ever seemed to bother you." My head tilted to one side as we held eye contact, and an irreparable sadness seemed to settle in his eyes, invisible tears celebrating their treachery silently.

"I was never afraid of your beauty," he answered after a few moments, his voice barely a whisper as he held my hands even tighter. "If anything, I'm less afraid of you than of anyone else at that damn school."

His tone was mocking, yes. Of course, otherwise he couldn't afford to say something like that.

A ghost said that. Or was it the Ghost? Or will they? He wouldn't understand.

"Even less than Gareth or Jeff? 'Cuz that's actually pretty hard to manage," I jested, his laugh lighting up my mood even more. That wasn't supposed to happen. That only happened with-

"Okay, maybe a bit more than them. But only because I care what you think of me." He smiled softly, a gesture I reciprocated.

"You don't have to worry about that. Not if you're being honest now."

"I am. I promise."

"Don't promise me anything," I pleaded quietly, "it won't work. The promise doesn't- I don't make promises. And I certainly don't accept them. Except for when they're from Brynn. Because I need that reassurance she won't put salt or pepper in the social worker's coffee." I chuckled lightly, easily brushing off the darkness I had hauled upon myself. I wonder if it only felt so dark to me.

"Who's Brynn, again?" he questioned curiously, his head moving in all the perfect ways so that his hair framed his face better than a painting could show. The glint in his eye no camera could capture. I was the only one who would ever see him exactly like this in this exact moment.

"Um," I stuttered, realising I had been staring for too long, "she's my youngest sister. A mischief-maker. She likes being called Loki or god of mischief, she's uh- Yeah. She's trouble, but very loveable."

He smiled. "She sounds great. Brynn. Hm. I'll have to remember that. Who are your other siblings again? I know about Miriam. She's one of the ones who always graffiti everything with good quotes and stuff."

"Yeah, she's cool. She's the eldest after me. Then there's Evangeline, who's... practically an angel. She's, well, perfect, basically. And Brynn is one of the twins, the other being Favian. He's, uh, he's a sweetheart. Gentleman. He'll be one of the best people out there one day. They all will." I felt extremely proud talking about them. They were all so great. Maybe I was proud to be related to them. Maybe it's because I practically raised the younger three. Who knows?

"I'd love to meet them...?" Eddie suggested carefully, leaning forward to catch my fallen gaze.

"Yeah, someday... shit! The time," I cried out, almost falling over as I struggled to jump up, running out of the clearing faster than Eddie could even comprehend what was going on.

They can wait. They can wait, it's okay, I tried to calm myself, but the anxiety was kicking in. I didn't know why it mattered that I was there on time. It just did.

"You could never look after them the way I do!"

My heart was speeding in my chest, a buzzing filling my ears that I could almost feel as my head filled with scenarios where I'd trip because I was running so fast, not to mention not being on time.

"Wait up!" Eddie was calling from behind me, but I ignored him, free will or no.

"Wait," he panted as he caught up with me, catching my arm in his grip, making me try and rip free of his hold, but the uneven breathing had me weak.

"What's wrong? Why is it so bad if you get back late?" he urged, shaking me slightly as he asked.

I didn't answer, instead furrowing my brows in confusion. Why was he stopping me when I obviously wanted to go?

"Is something wrong? Is it your siblings? It's only 15 minutes late... Why do you need to get back so bad-"

"Because I need to pick the kids up," I seethed, glaring him down as I finally broke free from his grasp.

"If you need someone to talk to-"

Before I ran off again, I whirled around to face him, breathing: "Don't worry, there's no one else in the world I could turn to."

And with that I was off, leaving a very bewildered Eddie standing there, saddening words catching him thoroughly off guard.

...

I tried to keep my breathing under control and stopped myself from panting as I sat in my car, sweating slightly and not seeing clearly enough to know when or who was around.

"Hey, Raven," I heard a voice call casually, my stomach turning at how bad his timing was.

"Yeah?" I answered with some difficulty, putting on a perfectly crafted smile and looking at where his blurred form stood.

"You wanna meet up some time?" he called, seeming to be somewhat in the distance.

"Sure. I've got second period free tomorrow," I answered, silently hoping he would just leave it be, no matter how much I wanted to see him.

"That's not what I meant, but sure. We can make up another time then. See ya around," he sang the last part, charming as always. My lucky day. That was fucking fast.

I heard the boot open just as my sight started focusing. The unmistakable sound of schoolbags being thrown into the back was heard and next thing I knew Evan was sitting in the back, speaking to me importantly, yet in a slightly disproving manner.

"You've got to stop spending time with him. He's not good for you. Do you have any idea what he does to Max?" she lectured, sticking her head out between the driver's and passenger's seat.

"Yes, actually, I do. You know that, Evan. But I've known him longer than Max has, and we have a very different relationship, okay? And I appreciate you looking out for me, but it's okay. Seriously. I'm not an idiot," I comforted her, even though I think she thought I was the one who needed comforting.

She looked wholly doubtful, but sat back with a scoff anyway, giving up, for which I was very grateful.

I raised them well. Did you?

3103 words

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Please comment and vote if you liked the chapter :)

#fanfic #long story #eddie munson #edward munson #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #chapter 2 #new chapter #my ocs

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igiveanf · 2 years ago

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Spring Clothes Fitting Too Snug? DO THIS NOW.

Maybe you're feeling a little like our fur baby, Daisy - spring is coming and spring clothes aren't fitting quite like they used to.

(In this case, what actually happened is our 11 year old son grossly underestimated the size of our dog when he purchased her sweater) - but you get my point.

Colder weather prompts hibernation mode and that usually means we are more likely to be found curled up on a comfy couch in a warm room rather than going for a walk or a bike ride.

It also could mean we are consuming more comfort food. Snacks, alcohol, chips and fast food all tend to increase over the winter months.

Throw in less sun (lowered vitamin d stores), and this combination is enough to increase body weight and de-energize even the most energetic people.

So, what's my suggestion?

Well, here's what I won't do; I won't tell you to go out and buy a new wardrobe because that's not necessary (though it is for Daisy, she definitely needs to size up!)

Instead, I'll tell you that weight loss is easier than you think. We tend to overcomplicate it and put too much pressure on ourselves in the process but it really is a simple undertaking and one that requires just a few minor changes.

Below are three things you can start now that will ensure that your spring wardrobe fits you better than Daisy's new sweater.

1. MOVE MORE. I'm not telling you to do endless hours of exercising. I'm telling you to integrate more movement into your daily living in 10-minute increments.

For example, in the morning, go for a 10 minute walk. Take a 10-minute lunch break and do the same thing. Then, in the evening, just after dinner, before the relaxing begins, take another 10 minutes to move your body. This could be anything - a walk, skating, snowshoeing, or playing outside with the kids - some kind of movement needs to happen in the evening.

Studies show that increased movement throughout the day is the difference maker for most weight loss goals.

2. EXERCISE. Okay I didn't say no exercising in the above, I said no to hours and hours of it. Here is the fact; you NEED to exercise. I NEED to exercise. We all NEED to exercise, for the purpose of improving and maintaining our health. 20-45 minutes, 3-4 times a week is plenty. It doesn't have to be big to be good.

If you've fallen out of a regular exercise routine, now is the time to get back into it. BEFORE spring arrives.

Establish something manageable and then ask a friend or family member to either join you or hold you accountable - a coach at New U Studio can do that for you, too.

Like it or not, we all need accountability because we are all going to face a time when we aren't in the mood to exercise, or when life's to-do list piles up sky high and we just can't seem to fit it in.

That's when we need that person in place and ready to remind us to DO IT ANYWAYS - even if we don't want to or can't seem to find the time.

Oh, and while I have you on fitness, you've gotta lift some heavy stuff. Cardio alone isn't enough to support your bones or metabolism. You'll need weights AND cardio to get the best results - a little yoga in there is good for the mind and body too.

3. EAT BETTER. Choose healthier choices, especially in the evenings. I'm not saying you need to diet, or live ridgedly on chicken and broccoli, but I am saying that evening calories are notorious for being the unhealthy ones.

"I can be so healthy throughout the day, but as soon as after supper hits, the train is off the tracks."

Sound familiar? You're not at all alone. And guess what? You absolutely still can have a snack, but hear me out on this and please make a plan for it.

Decide for healthier snacks during the week, for example, popcorn, veggies and hummus, nuts and seeds, fruit and greek yogurt, and then pick one night to have your favorite chips or chocolate.

This way you still get to have what you love but you're just not having it all the time. Moderation is important and often times we let things slip beyond moderation and we simply have too much of the not soo good stuff. Bringing things back to a balance with your food choices as best you can will pay off.

Oh, and water, water, water - it's what you're made of so like it or not, YOU NEED TO DRINK LOTS OF IT.

These three changes will go a very long way, not only for your waist line but also for your mood, your energy, and your mental health. It's honestly an all-around win.

Remember, if you're struggling to get started, please ask for help. There are so many people that would absolutely love to join you in refocusing on healthier living, and there are so many people who would love to help you do it, myself included.

But if you don't ask, you don't get, so ask!

Happy almost spring.

Yours in health,

Alison Brown

#fuelyourbody #fitness and food

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lisacatara-actress · 2 years ago

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ALMOST LISA : Pt 7, “Almost left the Movie!”

*I retain all rights to my photography and story, story details, biographical information, fashion designs, art work, and anything and everything I have posted which is my own creation*)

This week was our cast and crew screening for “Wakanda Forever”. Marvels latest and- by far- greatest blockbuster to date. An unprecedented and wildly successful franchise emphasizing black heroes and black leads. They did not need to include brown people in their success. But they CHOSE to. And I am profoundly humbled and happy for the inclusion in something so Magical.

I tried to get pretty. Getting dressed for events these days is painful. I used to enjoy getting dolled up, but now my body isn't my own, it does what it wants. None of the clothes I had fit well enough, but I managed to get creative and ...well, presentable. It’s a once in a lifetime experience, being a part of this team of talented filmmakers and collaborators. I was not missing it.

(I spent some time in harnesses working on the film. On the 1st or 2nd week, my colon swelled under the pressure and I had to secretly go to the urgent care on my one day off to get meds so I could continue to work the next 5 weeks. And about halfway through the cast screening, I felt familiar stomach cramps and chest pains. I’d been so careful on that morning and the night before not to eat or drink anything which might upset me. It didn't matter. Ironically, not being able to eat or drink much on our long days/ weeks/ months of filming proved to be helpful for me. No food, no bloat and pain! I could finally see my abs again)

Mid- screening, I shimmied out of my middle row seat (of course, best seats in the house!!) and walked around the lobby for 20 minutes. Then watched from the back of the theater awhile before I could rejoin my team. I made it through the celebration and red carpet photos (whew!), but regret not feeling well enough to dance all night afterwards with my people. I LOVE to dance!

“Success is being broken, bone-tired and worn out, but STILL showing up for battle.”

You know, that probability analyst was right. I am unbelievable. No wonder I intimidate others. I don't fit into any boxes. Not by my ethnicity, not by my career, not in my diet, my varied interests, nor by my lifestyle... I can't even be offended on social media when misogynists try and label me because I don't have trope-y labels or subscribe to most group ideologies. Alas. Additionally, I'm a natural leader simply because I GO DO stuff and can multitask well. So often others don't think to include me in things for the assumption that I'm not a “team player" or that I don't need any help. But, I am. And I do. Never had trouble finding friends and Tribe until I moved to Los Angeles. It’s a different kinda place. Relationships in The Biz are networking opportunities. In the absence of the community I crave, I just did stuff and experienced life solo. Though, full disclosure, I would really like to meet my someone now. I’m 47 and Ive been single the last 18 years.

This is usually where the men panic and ask “NO SEX FOR 18* YEARS?”. No. No relationship. In 18 years, Ive yet to meet anyone who sparks a light inside me or peaks my interest enough to want to spend more time with them. Physical attraction is not enough to grab my interest. I'm talking REAL intimacy. I know what I like, I’ve traveled a lot, I’ve taken risks and tried many things, I’ve rebuilt my life twice now and know who I am and what I stand for, I'm loyal and monogamous... and I can no longer tolerate anything less than authenticity, honesty, and integrity in a partner. Plus, life is too short for bad sex, fake connections and fake people. Anything not adding to your light is taking from it. That’s how energy works.

Everything is easier when you have someone to go through life's challenges with and share Joys and thoughts with. I've never had that luxury. Now, my health keeps me isolated, I couldn't fathom getting into a relationship with all of my special considerations. I'm not myself. I haven't recognized myself for a decade. My focus remains staying employed. My work is a beautiful distraction, and I need income.

I continue to send my resume and interview materials for work via any email I can get. In the past several months I’ve had a few calls for one-day gigs back in LA (not my local anymore and costs more to go than what I’d be making), and a couple of one-day gigs in new Orleans and North Carolina which required me driving to and from (14-16 hours round trip for either). Because I was on a waiting list for yet another Doctor, I had to pass. Projects were shooting in Atlanta, I simply wasn't on them. Last week I received a booking on what seemed a good theatrical audition I’d put on tape. When I went to my fitting, the role had gone from substantial costar with dialog and a character name, to one line and a generic character name. It‘ll be a paycheck. Not work. Nothing for my reel. Not a career- booster. But the first job in seven months. It’s SURREAL. This all used to be much easier. Sometimes I have those typical dis-empowering thoughts of going back in time and “doing it all again”. But I wouldn't want to relive the most challenging parts of this journey again. I do, however, greatly miss the stage.

Making movies/TV and live performance share some similarities, but theater is Life for an actor. The energy is raw, magnetic, never stagnant. So many elements have to work together in unison, complementing and/or contradicting one another, in that environment. Magic doesn't begin when the curtain goes up. It happens long before. During rehearsals. In tech runs. While bonding with cast mates. I have great memories of these moments and reminders of why I loved performing on stage so much.

One moment in particular always comes rushing back when I think of my shortened stage career. After months of memorization, stage marking, wardrobe, and countless musical rehearsals, there comes a day when you step on stage and there is suddenly an orchestra where the piano reduction had been. That day is absolute MAGIC. I can remember well how the sound rose up underneath me, lifted me, surrounded me, moved through me, and ultimately carried my voice. There's really no other way to describe it then Euphoria.

When I lost my voice, during/ after 9/11, I lost a valuable part of myself I’ve never been able to recover. And a part of my lifeline. When anyone hears of this loss, and tells me (kindly, but ignorantly) to “just sing again”, it’s painful. Voices can be lost and damaged, permanently. It happened to me. The constant reminder of what I want but cannot have creates dissonance within me, even decades later. Amplified- as to be expected- by the fact that it happened again with the Writers Guild Strike, and now again with this Pandemic. As tenacious as I am, I’m TIRED. BUT...

I don't believe that God would instill a superior talent and a bone deep desire to accomplish something without providing a Way.

(to be continued...)

(PS If you like what you're reading, I welcome contributions to the efforts via Venmo @LTarantinoDesigns)

#hollywood #actress #success #Lisa Catara #movies #narcissism #women in film #celebrities #fame #art #artist #photography #photographer

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two-wizards-in-a-trench-coat · 5 months ago

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@pearsfears i was planning on making a full review in case anyone that follows me is interested in getting some/hesitating so allow me to tag you in it!! :)

I got the quiet 2 and engage 2 models (they changed generations not too long ago from what I can tell, and there's at least a visual difference with the older ver. I never tested them before so I can't say more than that)

Engage : meant to reduce the sound by 8 decibels

-> there isn't a huge noise difference with these, and at first I definitely thought I was putting them on wrong. After some time (and testing) I would describe it as; you can hear everything as well as you did before, but the sounds are less invasive and harsh. Given that this model is advertised as meant for day to day conversation I would say they work the way they were meant to.

from an autistic (and general sensory sensitivity) these seem more appropriate to put on before a situation that you know might give you discomfort, but wouldn't help if you were already overwhelmed.

Quiet : meant to reduce the sound by 14 decibels

-> The sound difference is directly noticeable, no doubt. You can still hear strong/ intense noises, but as if they were far away or muffled. Smaller noises like walking or manipulating objects are barely noticeable anymore, if at all. I would put it at the same level as these foam earplugs you can get from the pharmacy in terms of noise reduction.

This model is also more comfortable, as there is no hole in the part that goes in your ear and the loop is made from a softer plastic. These are advertised as made for sleep and deep focus, so again i'd say it works well for its intended use. Talking to other people while wearing it is a challenge, as not all their speech passes through and it's hard to control your own voice.

This version seems more like the right choice if you're the kind of person to get suddenly overwhelmed by sound and need something to help calm down.

Both of these models do one thing : make your own voice, breathing, etc louder. i can hear my blood pumping lol.

->This is unavoidable due to the fact that these are earplugs. I can definitely see this being a source of stress for some individuals, but in my case it doesn't bother me it even calms me down.

To test if this is something that could be an issue, i'd say using foam earplugs should do the trick. If it is, I would recommend going towards noise cancelling headsets as I've been told they don't do that as much. (can't give more info than that on them sorry i'm a plug guy. <- i hate this sentence but i'm living with it)

You gotta change/adjust the plug !!

-> the comfort/efficiency is 200% affected by the plug part. It takes some trial and error ( most annoying 20 minutes of my life ) but yeah it changes a LOT. Pay attention that your ears might need different plugs on each side, and that it might change with the model (ex : i'm s/xs with the engage, but s/s with the quiet)

I'll try to come back and make an add-on about long time wear.

look what came in today!! 😎

#autism #this should be a tag on my blog but i forget lol #i never said the word plus so much in my life

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nevermore-the-kitsune · 3 years ago

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Pokemon Teams for Fictional Characters pt. 2

Damian Wayne

(Also, I'm not including move sets because in my headcannon Pokemon do remember all their old moves. But humans choose to only use four)

For this AU I'm having the Wayne's own the Gotham City Gym, which specializes in Dark types. Most of the cannon events still happened. Just with a few tweaks here and there. (Dick's 20, Jason's 16, Cass is 15 Tim's 15 but younger than Cass and Damian's 13 because I love AUs where there closer in age).

Anyway here we go!

First things first in the Pokemon Universe his alias wouldn't be Robin since they don't exist. Instead I think it would be Rookidee, since thats the closest Pokemon to a Robin.

His Partner Pokemon and ace would be a Gligar

Name: Goliath

Gender: Male

Why: Gligar screams Goliath (his Batdragon) plus the coloring of his evolutions matches with Dami's Robin and Batman outfits

Story: He found Goliath while climbing a mountain for his training. At the time he was four and Goliath was a hatching. Damian ended up giving him some food, seeing that the hatching was hungry.

Grateful, the Gligar followed him hoping to return the favor.

When Damian's hand got broken on that same trip, Goliath was the one to help him finish his mission and get home safely.

Talia was impressed that Damian could tame a wild Pokemon without catching it, so she allowed him to keep him as his first Pokemon.

-----

Next he would have a Meowth

Name: Alfred

Gender: Female

Why: This one has to do with its evolution. Persian are said to only be loyal to trainers it likes and that it takes a lot to get them to like you. Their also said to be prissy and uptight. This reminded me of Damian. How it took forever for him to trust his brothers and his own snobby attitude. Thus I think it fits.

Story: After coming to live with his father Damian didn't know how to act. He saw his "brothers" and father treating their Pokemon so different than how the League did. They all trained hard. But, there was something eles: warm praise for a job well done, asking for insight on a case (they had taught their bipedal pokemon sighn language) and comfort on a bad day. His father and brothers treated their Pokemon like... people

In the League Pokemon where the lowest soldier, lower than the slaves or concubines. They trained, ate then they had to and got in their ball.

He had been a little more lenient in his training with Goliath. When asked he said that he was still a baby and he had to take things slow in this stage or he might develop too much muscle mass and be unable to fly.

He had kept him out of his ball with the excuse of developing muscle mass at a proper pace.

He liked Goliath's company. The Gligar was a good companion. But on the same level as another person?

He had expressed these thoughts to Pennyworth, the only person in the house to give him a straight answer when he needed it.

Pennyworth had explained to him that some people love to hold power over others and that Pokemon where an easy target, since they couldn't communicate their emotions as clearly as people could.

"Think of Mistress Cain. She sometimes cannot communicate with words, but we know that she's intelligent. But some people see her as less than intelligent and treat her as such because of the power it gives them."

Two weeks later Damian would come across a group of teenagers attempting to shave a Meowth. The Pokemon was little more than skin and bone and crying out on pain. So, Damian broke their fingers and shaved part of their heads for good measure.

He kept the Meowth and named her after the man who taught him about the abuse of power.

---

Next, a Poochyena

Name: Titus

Gender: Male

Why: These Pokemon and their evolution are ruthless with their pray, and only obey trainers with external skill.

Story: Raven gave Damian Titus as a gift. She said that she rescued him from an underground fighting ring (where the battles are to the death). He was still to young to battle so he didn't need much rehabilitation. The other Pokemon there though...

---

Now we have a Type Null

Name: Heretic

Gender: ???

Why: This Pokemon was created in lab, and artificial designed for the purpose of fighting, just like Damian. True I could have given him Mewtwo, but that cat seems to fit Kon more.

Story: Damian's mother had spent years creating Type: Null with the purpose of being able to kill any target. As a last test she wanted to see which of her creations was suppirrior. So she sent the Type Null out to (try and) kill her son.

Damian, with the rest of his team, beat the Pokemon but couldn't kill it. He had long since vowed to wash the blood from his hands. Instead he offered his hand to it and asked it to join him.

---

Here we have the hardest to explain... Mimikyu

Name: Habibi (I hope I spelled that right)

Gender: Female

Why: Damian is complex, he wants to be accepted and loved just like Mimikyu but dosent know how. Both try to mimic others in order to get that love, Damian his father and Mimikyu Pikachu. So I see this as Damian's spirit Pokemon in a way.

Story: He didn't know why it was so hard to fit in. Gods know he tried. But... little things confused him. Like how eveyone could understand each other without words or singhing. He had no problems with that on a battlefield, but in day to day life; it felt like he was on a separate server.

Like how Todd knew at breakfast with just a look that Drake was in a bad mood and how to help. Or how Grayson could audomadicly tell what kind of day at school the rest of them had withen a few minutes. Hell even Drake could tell what grunts ment what from father! Which ment good job, Which ment I'm glade your okay, or frustration either at them or at a case (Cass didn't surprise him, she had to learn how to communicate without words and watch body language and micro expressions).

School was no better; sometimes it was to load or bright othertimes, when everyone was doing a test, it felt to quiet. But, to much or to little, Damian was always aware of every movement, every sound. It was like the very instincts that saved his life every night where turned against him.

He turned to his nearly forgotten childhood habits to distract himself from everything around him. That only led to more whisper shouting and what even he could tell where displeased glares with a grunt of "fucking tapping" or a snap of "stop!" He knew it was disrupting but it was all be could do to drown out the noise or silence.

On one particularly bad day at school; apparently during one of their tests one of his classmates had had enough of Damian's tapping and decided to make a scene.

There was some yelling from the kid. A few cries in agreement. Before the teacher had gotten hem to settle down. He had demanded that Damian look him in the eye and when he finally did told him to stop with the tapping or else he would be sent to the office, Gym Leaders son or not.

He was the last to finish that test where he normally finished first. The silence had been to load!!

After that clusterfuck Damian finally headed home. He had texted Grayson saying that he was meeting a friend somewhere to work on a project and to not pick him up. In truth he didn't want his brother reading what kind of day he had had. He needed some time to himself.

That was how he found himself in a nearby park. It was filled with plenty of sounds that didn't suffocate him and the fall leaves where soothing to his eyes. Damian had Titus out of his ball as company, knowing that the pup loved park walks.

They had been walking for an hour when they came across a box set off just on the edge of the trail. "Free to Good Homes" was written on the side in black sharpie.

No sound was coming from inside, so he assumed that the had all been taken. Until Titus went closer sniffing at the seemingly empty box.

"Pooch Pooch"

"Hmmm... what is is it boy?" He asked as he walked closer to his Pokemon and the Box. Damian hoped he was wrong. It was cruel to leave a baby Pokemon all alone, especially since the weather was getting colder by the day.

Inside the box was in fact a lone Pokemon. At first glance it looked like a Pikachu. But something was off. It looked more like a doll than a living creature. If it wasn't for the small chirps it let out and slight way that it was shivering from the cold Damian would have written it off as a toy. No wonder it got left behind...

Damian reached down and picked up the mystery Pokemon as gently as he could.

"Come on beloved, lets go home."

He tucked the Pokemon in his jacket to warm it up before reaching for his phone to call Grayson for a ride home.

That night Damian locked himself away, even skipped patrol, and spent a sleepless night learning everything he could about his newest Pokemon.

---

That was inspired by this comic

---

Finaly, for his last spot Eevee!!

Name: Omni

Gender: Female

Why: I'm going to have all the Batfam members have an Eeveelution. This branch and the Batfam are both growing consistently. We all have our favorites but we love them all the same. So I think it fits.

Story: Everyone in the family had an Eevee or one of its evolutions. Damian's Father said that Eevee was the Wayne family symbol, it was potential, the ability to become whatever you wanted.

Though it surprised Damian that the Wayne symbol wasn't a Noibat or Noivern (Batman's ace) at first he eventually understood the logic in choosing such a Pokemon to represent the family name. That only made things harder for him being the only one not having one. Did they not truly see him as family?

On the one year anniversary of Damian arriving at The Mannor, his family through a small party. Pennyworth made his favorite foods, The Mannor was decorated in tacky streamers (Graysons' idea) and they watched some of Damian's favorite fims, their Pokemon curled up with them. His father had offered to take the day off from the gym. Until Todd suggested that Damian take on the challengers.

The Gotham gym was part of his heritage. Damian had been training for the day that he could finally help weed out the weak challengers just like his siblings sometimes did (think the battles you do before challenging a gym leader in the games).

On that day, if the challengers agreed to it, their final battle wasn't with Bruce Wayne the Dark Knight but instead his son. Most accepted thinking that it would be an easy win, that they had lucked out in not having to battle one of the stongest Gym Leaders in the League and could still get the Shadow Badge.

Those poor fools.

Damian was only allowed to use Alfred, Titus and Habibi since he used Goliath and Heretic primarily as Rookidee.

Damian fought seven trainers that day in 3v3 fights. Only two of them got the badge.

With the day overwith and the night rising, so did Gothams' protecters.

The night ended with exhausted body's and adrenaline crashes. Damian was ready to slip into a mini coma from the day he had but before he could head upstairs to The Mannor...

"Not so fast baby bat." Graysons' voice called out to him. "We got one more surprise for you."

Damian raised his eyebrow at that. What else could they do? His father came back from the locker rooms where he had been desuiting, it always took him the longest because of his "old man bones" as Todd said.

"Son," his father said "its Wayne tradition to get your first Pokemon when you turn ten years old. I missed that with you." He paused, eyes briefly shifting to the floor before they snapped back on Damian's face. "Luckily there's one tradition we didn't miss. When you've lived at The Mannor for a year or the adoption papers get finalized, I give my children this..."

He pulled a Poke'ball out of his poket and handed to Damian. "Go on son, let them out."

He did

Staring at him was his own Eevee.

---

AN: All of Damian's Pokemon (sans maybe Omni, I'm thinking of leaving her as an Eevee) will eventually evolve. Eventually.

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slightlyrebelliouswriter23 · 4 years ago

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hey so i'm hoping to get some writing advice about creative burnout? like i seem to write in fits and spurts. some months i can churn out a oneshot or chapter everyday and some months i can do one (1) creative thing only. so i'm wondering how to prevent creative burnout and how to just create more smoothly <3 thank you!

Creative Burnout & How To Ward Against It

First, I’d like to preface this all by saying you’re definitely not alone. You probably already know this, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded.

I know from personal experience that creative burnout can leave you feeling hopeless, detached from yourself—the kind of identity crisis no one needs in 2020.

So buckle in, folks. It’s a dosy.

I. The Symptoms

Not to be the local WebMD page here, but signs of burnout can include:

Procrastination (more than usual)

Dreading writing and feeling stuck or overly perfectionistic when you try

Physical tiredness and/or irritability

Feeling like everything is monotonous

It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s a physical and emotional exhaustion response to something that goes deeper than a simple lack of inspiration. In my experience, and from a bit of research, I’ve found that what your brain is really looking for is dopamine.

Dopamine is essentially your brain’s chemical reward system for doing something interesting or exciting to you. As someone who is diagnosed with ADHD, I have chronically low levels of dopamine, so this is a constant struggle for me—but it is absolutely made worse by creative burnout.

II. The Problem

Studies have shown that the more we do A Thing the less that thing will give us dopamine (unless a component of the activity changes regularly). This is because eventually our brains desensitise to the stimuli provided by the activity, and subsequently, we become disengaged.

But it’s not necessarily The Thing (i.e. writing) that becomes boring. Actually, more than a few factors could be at play here, and the first step to finding a solution is to identify the problem.

1. ENVIRONMENT LACKS EXCITEMENT/CHANGE—

Sometimes, the monotony of everyday life can feed creative burnout. This becomes especially applicable in quarantine when you’re not leaving your house.

What we don’t realise is that even something as small as the variables of driving to and from work, or interacting with passing coworkers, gives us dopamine. So if you have the same routine every day that does not involve any added variables, your brain will begin staunching that dopamine supply.

2. EITHER TOO EASY OR TOO CHALLENGING—

In 1975, Hungarian-American psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term “flow”, which refers to a heightened state of creativity and concentration on an activity. Csikszentmihalyi posited that if your skill level is equal to the level of challenge in any given activity, you will experience this state of flow.

The chart below is taken from Csikszentmihalyi’s own study on the subject of flow and motivation. It examines “your skill level” on the x axis in relation to the “challenge level” on the y axis.

Essentially:

Too much challenge + not enough skill = anxiety, worry (which might lead to procrastination and perfectionism)

Too much skill + not enough challenge = boredom, apathy (which might lead to monotony, irritability, and other depression-like symptoms)

Skill level = Challenge level = Flow

3. NOT ENOUGH “ACTIVE” STIMULATION—

When it comes to dopamine seeking, there is a distinct difference between active and passive stimulation in the brain.

Active stimulation is any form of activity that you have to actively engage in. For instance; exercising, doing a crossword puzzle, or reading a book. These kinds of activities not only give you dopamine, they also facilitate critical thinking and problem solving thought processes, which act as catalysts for creativity.

Passive stimulation, on the other hand, comes in the form of television, social media, and YouTube. It’s anything you can consume without having to actively engage. Passive stimulation will indeed give your brain dopamine, however, it won’t activate your creativity.

The problem also lies in the speed at which you receive the dopamine from passive activities. Passive stimulation is so easy to access that the more you consume, the harder it becomes to pick up active stimulation. Your brain expects a hit of dopamine just by picking up a phone or turning on the TV—it becomes addicted to the quick fix of a Netflix binge.

III. The Solutions

Based on the problems mentioned above, I am going to list a few solutions. Keeping in mind that not every solution will work for everyone, these can act as both preventative measures and remedies for someone who is currently burned out.

1. CHANGE UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT/ROUTINE—

Aim to do at least one thing per day that will add “variables” to the monotony. This can be as simple as going on a long walk, dressing up in that bold outfit you always wanted to wear to the office but never did, or sitting at a different workspace in your home.

Anything you can do that’s simple, but might provide an extra variable to your day to spice things up. Note: this shouldn’t be the same thing every day.

2. CHALLENGE YOURSELF MORE—

If you find yourself bored by your work, try challenging yourself more. This could mean setting goals for yourself that go a bit beyond what you’ve been doing.

For example, if you’ve been writing 500 words per day, see if you can beat your own word count every day for the next week. If you’ve been writing mainly fluff pieces, switch it up and do an angst piece. See if you can write a book in a month, or start a blog where you don’t write fiction at all!

Anything you can do to add a little kick to your workload. Note: Beware of challenging yourself too much! This can lead straight back into burnout.

3. CHALLENGE YOURSELF LESS—

If you’re on the flip side of that coin, and find that you are anxious, procrastinating, and perfectionistic when it comes to writing, fret not. Just because you’re experiencing any of these things, doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing the job with your skillset.

It just means your perception of the job needs to be shifted.

Procrastination, at its heart, is a fear of failure, which results in actively avoiding the negative emotions associated with the task that causes this fear. Perfectionism is a type of procrastination that is a combination of a fear of failure and a fear of success (or, more accurately, other’s critiques of your success) all at once.

Neither have anything to do with your actual skillset, but they have everything to do with your perception of your skillset. Obviously, this is a harder thing to fix, as it has to do with deeply ingrained levels of self-esteem.

What I can offer you is a tactic to trick your mind into thinking you’re capable.

If you have a task, big or small, and you are feeling overwhelmed by it (like you might go curl up in bed and scroll Tumblr), immediately break that task up into smaller tasks. Keep breaking up the smaller tasks until you have the smallest possible part of the bigger task without doing nothing.

Then do that smallest possible thing.

If your goal is to write a 2000 word one shot, a small part of that task is writing half of it. An even smaller part of that task is breaking the one shot up into “scenes” and writing one scene. For instance:

Jude wakes up to a sore throat, a runny nose, and a fever.

She tries to go to work, but Cardan, being the mother hen that he is, threatens to never make her another grilled cheese sandwich (her favourite food) ever again if she doesn’t stay home.

Jude agrees begrudgingly, and Cardan sits her down in front of the TV with a bottle of Gatorade. He leaves to go get medicine from the store.

When Cardan comes back, Jude is worse than before. He makes her soup and saltine crackers and spoon feeds her.

She complains the whole time and, in her feverish state, threatens to never buy him another bottle of wine (his favourite food) ever again if he doesn’t let her feed herself.

Each bullet point represents one “scene” of about 200-400 words each. Obviously, there will be more details that you work out as you write. But with these five smaller scenes, your goal is no longer writing the 2000 word one shot. Your goal is writing the first of the five scenes.

If you complete the smallest possible task, you can stop, and you’ll still feel like you’ve accomplished something because you can cross off that task from your list. But chances are, by the time you cross off one task, you may have inspiration enough to keep going.

4. ENGAGE IN ACTIVE STIMULATION—

Since active stimulation has been proven to turn on the creative “tap”, try incorporating more of these activities into your daily routine:

Exercise: As the resident couch potato, I hate to say that exercising is good for creativity, but it is. Even if it’s just going on a short walk, so long as you’re moving.

Reading: Sometimes you have plenty of ideas, but no words to fit those ideas. Fill your well of words by carving out an hour or two each day for reading a good book.

The Creative Process: In the writing world, the creative process is a process of about 20-30 minutes that the writer partakes in every day before they start writing. This process should be creative, but also have nothing to do with writing. You can try colouring in a colouring book, painting, organising a page in your bullet journal. Anything that is creative but does not make you think about everything you have to do that day. Think of it as creative meditation.

Listen to music: Having APD, I personally can’t listen to music while I write. However, studies have shown that if you listen to at least ten songs per day, it will significantly benefit your dopamine levels and overall mood. If you’re like me and prefer to work in silence, maybe stick on a couple songs during your creative process. If you can manage music and writing together, get out those headphones!

5. KEEP A REGULAR SCHEDULE—

I know this is the most cliche point in the book, but it’s valid. This doesn’t mean do the same thing at the same time every day over and over, because ultimately we’re looking to avoid monotony.

But having pillars of structure to bolster the excitement can definitely work to keep you from slipping into burnout. Going to sleep, waking up, and having your meals at relatively the same time every day are good examples of this.

Feel free to change up the things you do between breakfast and lunch, but make sure you have those pillars of consistency so your brain knows that a break is on the horizon and doesn’t get tired.

6. PACE YOURSELF—

This is particularly difficult for those of us who are coming out of a creative burnout, but I urge you to pay special attention to this one. If we are suddenly hit by inspiration and the writing is flowing and flowing and flowing, eventually we will hit the point of highest dopamine capacity for writing.

Not putting a check on the flood of inspiration coming out of a creative burnout, I’d argue, is actually a guarantee that many of us will experience burnout all over again. It becomes this vicious cycle in which we are trapped.

While it feels great to write non-stop and receive immediate validation for that work, try to limit yourself to how much you’re writing and how immediately you post your writing (if you plan on posting it).

Whenever I finish a one shot or a chapter of something, I like to allow at least one day for editing before I post. This timeframe is important, because it acts as a buffer of rest between writing marathons.

You can take however long you need for the editing process, but definitely make sure you have a set amount of time in place. Otherwise, your brain might not have enough time to come down from what is essentially a writing high, and you will always need to reach greater heights in order to achieve that same level of dopamine.

~~~~

Overall, the most important things to take away from all of this are:

Change up your environment

Keep your brain actively stimulated

Have pillars of structure between which you can run about chaotically to your heart’s content

PACE YOURSELF!

Hope this helped. Happy writing!

-Em 🖤🗡

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