#i'm the biggest critic of my own work but i do like some of it i guess

[gallapiech]

Give it up for art post number 3 for Highway of Hedoism!

[READ IT HERE]

+ some bts stuff because i enjoyyyyy doing that :)

Not much to comment on this one lol, it's a little rough I suppose. I think I prioritized quantity over quality here and that's definitely something I would've done differently if I could go back in time.

I'm still not sure it gets the image across? I hope it does. Sorry if it doesn't ehe...

I don't actually have a sketch for the outside one! I made it pretty fast and in one sitting lol.

a mimir. I loooove parallels! When we were discussing moments to be drawn I thought it would be really nice to have a little nod to their first time sharing a bed and seeing how much their relationship has changed over their journey!!

One of the issues I ran into while working on these is my struggle to keep the style consistent enough lol. ofc artists are their own biggest critics so maybe it bothers me more than it bothers everyone else ehe. In the end I do really like this one! Maybe a bit too cartoony? I hope it's not too distracting LOL!

I remember when we just started working on this I had asked Rory if they could get matching tattoos because I looooove that. But she was one step ahead of me and had already planned it hehehe ♥ We discussed some possibilities of their spelling qualities before settling on the current ones. I hope you enjoy the shoddy linework LOL I made sure to write them both with my non dominant hand. I also thought it would be funny if Ian wrote his name and then thought "fuck wait, i gotta add C for Clayton." And then quickly tried to squeeze it in. 🤣 (Also, once again me forgetting about clothing. Thank you Rory for reminding me about the bathrobe 🙏

Yeah. uh. I think mickey looks nice in this one :)

I think there will be one more art post after this one! The last one,,, aaahh! The end is nearing. I hope you're all enjoying the fic! I've been immensely enjoying reading everyone's reactions to it! Thank you so much for all your kind words ♥

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Peaceful property is a bl even if it's not. It's also about so many other things although not really delivering on a consistent message.

I thought about adding my thoughts to this thread but it was getting long and I started to get sidetracked so I decided to just make my own post about it and share my thoughts on it. @lurkingshan @bengiyo and @twig-tea all made good point about why this show is faltering with its own themes, and @respectthepetty made a compelling argument that the show knows what its doing.

I think no one is wrong and I land somewhere in the middle with it. As in, depending on what I choose to care about. Much like @respectthepetty, I am bias about this show. For different reasons tho. I like Tay and New a lot so I lead with that instead of my critical thinking. just as a personal aside, I tend to do this when my brain and heart don't align. I ignore when my brain tells me that the show is doing something wrong so that I can enjoy the rest. This works particularly well with QL for some reason. I am after all a person who liked Dangerous Romance even when my brain kept trying to damper my enjoyment with logic. And also sometimes I'm a hypocrite and there's no reason for why I like a show and not another. Ok, there's usually a reason but it's most often not a good one, or a rational one at least. That's just how it is.

Anyway. Because of all the excellent points made by that post I decided to fully engage my brain and I've been thinking about what this show is trying to say and I agree that unfinished business is the main thing in the ghost stories but I would have to shut off my brain completely to not see how class factors into all of it as well.

The ghosts up until now, except the chef, were all lower class and one can argue that it played a part in how they died or what happened after. I'm not including episode 7 for reasons that I will explain in a bit. Even if Ride's unfinished business was about love, the fact that he was the only rider doing deliveries in the rain, at least to me, read as he was driven by the need to make money in the first place. Even in the chef's case, the customer that Peach basically poisoned was rich and it was a part of the headlines about it and the reason for the restaurant getting shut down. Also most of the individual stories didn't get deep into these issues, case of the week usual issues, but it was always an underlying theme. Also as @twig-tea said all the parallels work even better because this disparity also exists between Home and Peach.

All this gets me to how I started this post. This is a bl even if it isn't. The choice to include the tragic bl storyline in the middle of this, in my own brain, can only be explained if I believe this is a bl. (The tragic bit was thematically consistent with this show.) Specifically a gmmtv bl. Cause ultimately they have a tendency to forsake narrative consistency if it stops serving the main romance. It's also the only way I can explain having a bl pair mirroring the other bl pair on screen. So in that way it's consistent with gmmtv. Just brush aside anything that can get in the way of the couple not having a happy ending. This is also how I explain my biggest issue with it. Pangpang. She's the shipper. She's been the shipper from basically the start.

Home basically killed her brother, why would she be the driving force in getting him forgiven? Because of my previously admitted bias, I forgave Home almost immediately. It's New and he didn't mean it, it was an accident and he wanted to call for help and do the right thing but his family interfered and.... I could come up with a lot of reasons because I want to forgive him. So everything else can be ignored. But all this obviously doesn't apply to Pang. So it can only be the bl in the not a bl show.

Now, on full brainy mode, this last episode makes no sense with everything else this show has been saying until now. They used a branded pair to ignore any class disparity between our mains, since the last ghost story didn't really parallel that, and over the forgiveness part, and jump straight into Peach has forgiven Home and will probably now become his saviour. Don't even get me started on the fact that Peach is still broke but saving the rich dude that turned his life to crap will be the most important thing right now. I wonder if gmmtv has ever ignored class disparity between a main couple and instead focused on the richer dude's drama while ignoring the struggle of the other one, all in favour of the main romance and lovey dovey moments 🤔. But I guess I'll reserve full judgement on that until the next episode.

yeah, so basically this is where I am at with this show. My two sides are fighting but come next wednesday my brain will take the back seat for 45 minutes so I can enjoy Tay and New and after that maybe I'll think about it some more.

[lurkingshan]

why do you continue to watch gmmtv shows when you clearly don’t enjoy them?

This is the kind of rude, cowardly anonymous ask that I would typically just delete, but I’m in the mood to be generous so I will respond and use it as an educational moment.

I have to start by rejecting your premise. I enjoy plenty of GMMTV shows. My favorite Thai bl of this year is Cherry Magic Thailand. I wrote quite lovingly about it on this hellsite for 12 weeks. I was also a big fan of Cooking Crush and The Trainee this year, Kidnap is giving me joy weekly, and I’m currently in the midst of a really interesting discussion with people far more mature than you about Peaceful Property. GMMTV is also responsible for some of my all time favorite Thai shows including Bad Buddy, 3 Will Be Free, Midnight Museum, Theory of Love, Moonlight Chicken, and Dark Blue Kiss, and many more besides that I liked a lot. You don't know me. You have made the mistake of assuming that because you’ve seen a small fraction of my posts about specific things, you know what I think about all kinds of things. But as my beloved departed grandfather loved to say, when you assume you make an ass out of u and me. 

So with that out of the way, let’s get to the real question underneath your logical fallacy: why don’t I keep my mouth shut instead of posting about the flaws I observe in these shows? There are a number of reasons for that.

First, I am extremely open about the fact that I am interested in the art and science of narrative storytelling, and I often post about it from a critical lens. This is all in the pinned post at the top of my blog, but I doubt someone with your lack of manners bothered to look there before sending me this ask. 

Second, I don’t believe in the popular fandom idea that all meta discussion of shows should be positive and centered on stanning for actors or pairs and their shows. That's a fine pursuit for folks who enjoy engaging with media that way, but I personally find that boring and intellectually empty, and have very little interest in it. I like to learn from the things I enjoy, and you can't learn if you're not willing to think critically about why something in a story may or may not be working.

Third, my favorite thing about watching media is discussing it with like-minded people, and the way to find like-minded people is to share your honest feelings about what you're watching. I have made some of the best friends of my life by posting my unfiltered thoughts about whatever I'm watching in various social media spaces, and having people come and say "hey, me too" or "I don't quite agree but what an interesting thought." We connect with others through sharing our thoughts and feelings. If you censor yourself in fandom spaces, you will not find your people.

Fourth, on the specific topic of GMMTV: they are the largest and best resourced ql-producing studio in the biggest ql-producing country, and part of a giant media conglomerate that controls much of the media in Thailand. Their shows matter in terms of the influence they have over the rest of the industry, and so the messages they send with their shows also matter. I will never ignore them completely even when I choose not to watch some of their shows, because where they go, the larger ql industry follows. When I see a trend in their shows that is harmful, like, say, the repeated use of marginalized identities for marketing their shows that they then disrespect in the way the stories are executed, that needs to be pointed out and examined, and I am hardly the only one doing so.

I'll end by asking you a question, anon: what did you hope to accomplish by sending me this ask? Unlike many of the other folks who have been engaging in critical discussion with me over the last couple days, you had nothing constructive to say. You didn't put forward an interpretation or share your own feelings, you didn't contribute to the collective analysis process, and you didn't offer any commiseration or even a clear disagreement with anything I said. From where I'm sitting, your only intent was to attempt to shame me for speaking. You will never be successful at that, and it's a pretty ugly impulse that you should examine in yourself. When you find yourself being awful to real human beings because you can't manage your emotions about fictional media, it's time to think about what you're doing here. I hope you'll reflect on that, and take good care.

[hwnglx]

Can i request a reading of enhypen’s ni-ki off cam personality? And his views when it comes to relationships (platonic and romantic)?

i will be doing the second question in another post, maybe even in a collective one for the full group 🤭 enjoy the read

niki's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

3ow&su, 9osw&5op, 10op, pagosw, 7op&to bod: 4osw + off cam, niki is someone pretty open-minded. i'm getting this huge desire to expand his views and beliefs, big interest in experiencing things that are very foreign and new to him. he definitely loves a challenge and feels his best when he can just go somewhere else, whether that's physically or mentally. does he enjoy travelling in his free time? if he doesn't do it, he definitely wants to. he likes getting his mind off life sometimes, and just exploring different cultures, or even hearing stories about people's lives completely different to him. he finds it very interesting and intriguing.

one thing that's a constant for niki, is this boy lives to work. it's interesting, because despite this being a reading on him off cam, even behind the scenes i can see work occupying most of his mind. he's been exposed to the industry since he was so young, it's pretty much all he's known till now, so it's almost like the easiest thing in the world for him to remain career-focused. it's when he feels he's at his best, and most comfortable. in contrast, when not working is when he can quickly get into a more tense headspace and start overthinking. he's the type who needs to stay busy, in order to distract himself from his own thoughts, since he can be a huge overthinker, especially in regards to himself. i can just see him obsessing over doing everything perfectly, and himself being his own biggest critic. (is this boy an earth rising? he kinda looks like one too) but he has extremely professional and surprisingly mature energy in regards to his career. honestly blew my mind to remember he just turned 18 and could teach some older idols a few things concerning their attitude at work.

niki is also a person who is much more observant than we realize. he's someone with a quick wit and clever mind, a person who basically lives in his head. very very smart boy, much more intelligent and insightful than some people think. there is this self-aware and self-reflective quality to him, where he can quickly pick up on his mistakes, and is always open to changing. literally, he doesn't mind completely tearing down some habits, if that means he'll improve. he's always looking to reach his best potential, and is firm in his mentality.

to give you an example, he definitely had and sometimes still has the habit of being very sharp-tongued. sometimes he just says things that can easily hurt people, and this is something he's very aware of. he doesn't just brush it off like "whatever, guess that's what i'm like" no, he will definitely reflect on his behavior once he gets some time to think and put in effort to improve. especially because he himself is much more easily hurt than others think, even he himself doesn't always seem to acknowledge his more sensitive side. so there is this subconscious thought of "i can't be like this."

in general though, niki is just very chill and laidback. he truly doesn't like drama, doesn't enjoy conflicts, just wants to stay low-key and do what he has to do. i can see his hyungs fighting like cats and dogs while he's sitting there on his phone completely unfazed by what's going on. he doesn't enjoy being consumed by negative energy, since this can get his emotions to bubble up and truly mess him up sometimes, so he keeps himself out of situations as much as he can. could definitely seem kinda self-absorbed to some people, but he's just very protective of his own energy.

whe&3oc, sta, pagow, 7oc, pagoc, 4osw&acop, bod: 9op

- he just lives in his own little world and bubble, to an excessive extent. pretty selective about who he calls his friends, and truly doesn't seem to be very invested or even interested in putting effort into maintaining friendships. is he the member who just never answers on katalk and doesn't really react in the enha groupchat lol, like a ghost? that's the vibe he's giving. unbothered about others, puts more thought into matters about himself and his own life. if it doesn't concern him, he doesn't truly care. i see this pattern a lot for people who are incredibly absorbent to others' feelings and energy, often for significant pisces placements (esp ☾) they're so easily consumed by that, it's a self-protective mechanism in order to shield themselves from any sort of hurt.

niki still struggles to truly acknowledge and appreciate his more softer and emotional side. that's when he feels more awkward and insecure, it's a part of himself he's not comfortable with. he doesn't enjoy getting emotional, since he fears the loss of control over himself, he gets worried about just saying or doing things out of pure emotion and messing things up not only for himself, but others too. i keep getting this feeling of him really hating to hurt people, he feels guilt pretty quickly. and in his eyes it often happens whenever his emotions take over him, like he just isn't himself. so, he prefers to not even put himself into situations where this is a possibility, and just runs away from his feelings, as well as people who can bring that emotional side out in him. i can see he can probably get more emotionally attached than he'd want to, and that can scare him off. he doesn't like people thinking he's dependant on them.

there definitely is an arrogant quality to the way he carries himself off cam. he gives off this vibe of knowing how good he is, and people can quickly perceive that as being conceited and full of himself, especially if they feel threatened by that confidence. however, much of that is just fierce self awareness. he holds himself up to insanely high standards, and can feel overwhelmingly insecure if he doesn't meet them.

if you aren't of any use to him, it's unlikely niki will entertain your attendance for very long. as previously said, he carefully selects who he gives his time and energy to, and much of this is based on what that certain connection can do for him. he's just very self-centered, which can easily make people feel like he doesn't give a damn about anyone, and sometimes even hurt or disappointment them. he seems to have this mentality of "we all live and die alone anyway" so he'd prefer to nurture and take care of his own self rather than putting much effort into others. he goes through life thinking we all have to be more selfish in order to succeed. "no one is going to live life for me, so i might as well do it for myself." is what i hear.

[meirathinks]

⊹ ♡₊˚๑ 𝙀𝘼𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙊𝙐𝙏 ! ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

chef!Sukuna headcannons

okay. I know I haven't posted anything in like a year. and I know I'm a little rusty so bare with me ok😭 I'm sorry for the wait! Reader was intended to be black but I don't describe any features. lmk if I should turn this into a fic!!

Warnings: none!!

Chef!Sukuna is one of the world's biggest assholes. SURE he graduated top of his class AND SURE! The waitlist for his restaurant is so, ridiculously long. But his personality? Awful. 

He’s known for his near godly knife skills. He can chop an onion in ten seconds. He’s pretty sure it’s a world record.

His own staff is so, so terrified of him. The new kid, who’s bright-eyed and fresh out of culinary school, who was beyond excited to work at a Michelin-star restaurant quits on his first day.

(he cried on his walk home)

Sukuna leans into the back of his chair, while Uruame lets out an uncharacteristically loud sigh from their spot at the door. 

They step closer into the room while speaking, “You can’t keep a Junior chef for more than six hours—”

Sukuna groans, “Calm down— your job is to be my sous. Act like it.”

He puts his feet up on the peeling wood desk in front of him, deftly ignoring several receipts that were strewn on it.

Uruame nods, before leaving.

Sukuna wasn’t in the wrong you know, the junior chef should’ve known the difference between sauté and panfrying. 

He groans while moving to leave his office— he had prep to do. 

He’s worked hard to get where he is— to make his restaurant as good as it is. He designed the kitchen himself. He chose each appliance meticulously and placed them in the space deliberately

The delivery and food-prep and pastry sections are in specific parts of the kitchen, they cater to the menu.

Speaking of the menu. You cannot tell me that he didn’t lock himself in his apartment with pots and pans strewn everywhere. 

He’d have a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and his hair would be a little dishevelled

But, he finally figured out that what his main dish needed was an acid. 

He’d have a rare, genuine smile on his face while he runs his hand through his hair. He’ll take another bite and excitedly drum his fingers on his kitchen countertop. He’s good. He knows he’s good. 

Sukuna’s leaning on the host station with a pencil in hand reviewing the guest list for that night’s dinner. His eyebrows raise at your name— which is circled in red marker angrily. He shouts to Uraume, who’s at the back prepping.

“What’s the red marker for.”

“We have a food critic coming in tonight.”

Sukuna scoffs, “We always have food critics coming in.”

“This one’s different.”

Yeah right.

For the head chef, and owner of a michelin star restaurant— Sukuna is relaxed. 

He’ll wear a white button up and some black slacks and the days he’s expected to work front of house. But his sleeves will be rolled high on his forearms and there’s always this dismissive look in his eyes

He doesn’t have to be some kiss ass— his food speaks for itself. 

People waited months to get into his restaurant for his food, not to have a conversation with him. 

The first thing Sukuna realizes is that you take a laughably short time looking at the menu. From what he can see from the host station, you’re looking at it out of graciousness than necessity. 

He walks over, ready to take your order. He nearly laughs when he notices that your notepad already has writing on it. 

You’re looking up at him through the low light of the restaurant. It’s tinged red. Like a night club you think. Tacky. 

“Hi,” You smile, “I’m surprised I’m being served by the Sukuna.”

“Yeah— it’s a slow day.”

You hum, “And here I was, thinking that you were out here just for me.”

He laughs. It’s this loud, low and smoothe. “I can hear your heart breaking from here.”

“Let’s start with the focaccia.” Your voice is a little shaky. He likes the sound of it.

He walks to the kitchen with a familiar grin on his face. 

Food critic his ass— you’re in love with him. He can tell. 

Chef!Sukuna who’s never had a negative review. Ever.

GQ. The New York Times. The Washington Post. Critics become regulars— they want an excuse to chat Sukuna (even if he doesn’t entertain it)

He’s earned a name for himself in the food scene, you know. People love him whether they like it or not. 

This was just the start too— he’ll open more restaurants, maybe something more formal. He thinks of himself as an immovable object or an unstoppable force or whatever is in those management books Uraume reads

So, imagine his surprise when Uruame forwards an article to him at 11:54 pm on a thursday.

Especially when he sees that you wrote the article. 

And that you gave the restaurant a 3 out of 5

A three out of fucking five.

Sukuna was going to kill someone. You, preferably. 

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I understand the criticisms people have about season 2, I really do. I have my own genuine complaints. But, frankly? I feel like we can pick this show apart too much. I don't expect any piece of media I consume to be perfect so I sure as hell think I should be able to extend my favorite show a little grace.

Literally every problem I have with s2 is almost certainly down to the fact that they had to work with a 40% budget cut and had to keep every episode strictly under 30 minutes (whereas in s1 longer episodes had some breathing room). It's very obvious to me that the writers of this show did their absolute level best to do their story justice with what they had. And at the end of the day, my biggest complaint is always that I wish they had more - more time, more episodes. That's a pretty nice thing, really, that the worst I can say about something is that I wish I had more of it.

Like I said, I get the criticism, I really do! I'm not saying any show is above critique. But I'm also not exaggerating when I say that this show as a whole is the best thing I've seen on TV in a long, long time. I can't make myself care much that s2 was a bit messier than I'd have liked when I think it still runs circles around everything else. And, as if the fact we got s2 at all wasn't enough, they made sure Ed and Stede's story never really suffered for the budget cuts, and they made sure that we ended the season with Ed and Stede in a good, satisfying place. If you haven't watched it since it was airing I couldn't recommend enough watching it again without the week-long breaks and all the fandom speculation and craziness in between; the pacing feels soooo much better that way. I love it even more with every rewatch. We complain a lot in fandom spaces but almost everyone I know irl who watch it casually think s2 was better than s1.

I love this show so much. I'm so glad we've got it and for every bit of hate I see about s2 I'm just gonna love it even harder, because even when it's messy it's the most earnest, heartfelt thing out there and I appreciate the fuck out of it for that.

[utilitycaster]

Do you think part of the D20 journalistic bias comes from D20 being edited? It gives the appearance of much more effortless play and lets them control the pacing in a way unedited play like CR simply can't do. They get to (potentially) hide a lot of stuff people would jump on as flaws while CR has no choice but to let it all play out. I greatly prefer CR's approach, despite it biting them in the ass a bit through no fault of their own.

Answering these both together to group cause and my opinions, and I do want to note this is specifically about journalism/press coverage, not their respective fandoms even though there's obviously some overlap.

I think there's a couple things, but I do want to note this was actually prompted by Daggerheart, not Critical Role. The response from several prominent voices in the Actual Play journalism community, whom I will not name here but whom I do not respect intellectually, really was, within hours of the open beta (which as far as I know they didn't have early access to - more on that later) "um it could be better, I don't like xyz and also it's sooooooo important to have criticism" and again, it is important to have criticism, but also you act like D20 has never had a mediocre moment and that Kollok is brilliant, so.

This...got away from me a bit. I'd say I'm sorry but actually I adore writing thousands of words about actual play and it will happen again but I'm putting the detailed answer below a cut. The short answer is I think a lot of Actual Play journalists actually sort of fell into their jobs through being vaguely involved in nerd spaces and aren't actually equipped to talk intelligently about TTRPGs and actual play as a medium that should, at its best, be a perfect fusion of narrative and mechanics. So instead they're distracted by flashy edits and bright lights and cool noises and some abstract concept of "novelty" and write only about that. Also Critical Role is the 700 lb gorilla in the AP space (though not, actually, the TTRPG space) and doesn't give them early access and that's meaaaaaan. Indeed, for all I think a lot of their coverage of D20 and Worlds Beyond Number is obsessively fawning, I also think it's extremely surface level, frequently factually wrong, and fails to get at what's truly excellent about those shows either.

I think, honestly, the biggest one is that I don't actually think a lot of Actual Play journalists watch series in full. I was looking for Polygon coverage of Fantasy High Junior Year and they have one glowing article but it's more about Fantasy High as setting and institution and D20 "changing the game" (also more on this later) to the point of outright contradicting the pull quotes they used from interviewing Brennan Lee Mulligan (also more on this later). So I started looking through their coverage and actually, quite a number of their write-ups are based on only one episode, or half a season. Clearly, they haven't read the full open beta (nor have I, but I think their complaints about the character build process belie a profound misunderstanding of what TTRPGs are, also more on this later). So editing is certainly part of it because it's really easy to see cool special effects and sound design within one episode and shit out a hacky article about it, whereas actually getting to the substance - character relationships, cohesive narrative, storytelling - requires work that I do not think they're doing. And on the one hand I do kind of get it, because yeah, if journalism is your livelihood then you perhaps do not have the time to watch 4 hours of D&D a week for 2-3 years if you're only going to get one article every six months out of it. But I don't think the answer is "focus intently on Microsoft Powerpoint-esque scene transition tricks while ignoring that nothing occurring at the table is actually fun to watch." For more on this, see this post.

The second, which is very relevant to Daggerheart but also is actually a big gap in D20 and WBN coverage in my opinion, and which I put in the tags, is that I actually don't think a lot of journalists have a solid understanding of TTRPGs nor of most genres. And I think Critical Role has a particularly good understanding of both these things, actually, if one skewed towards collaborative storytelling that is not rules-light. I think one really big example is that one person within the space is mad at the Daggerheart questions for the character archetypes because what if your character doesn't fit these. I think this is dumb as shit. I actually think that a common criticism of D&D - that you can't play ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING - is not valid, or rather, it's a valid opinion to hold but if you want to play a character who doesn't fit into the available archetypes perhaps you need to find another game. We all inherently understand that Blades in the Dark characters will be members of a criminal organization in a relatively low-magic setting, correct? That you can't show up to BitD and play a lawful good wizard prince because that's not the story being told? Or like, how in Honey Heist, you are a bear and you are trying to get honey, and you cannot play a human child investigating the old abandoned house at the edge of town, but there's a cool game called Kids on Bikes that will let you do that? Great! Why is this suddenly so hard to understand in the realm of heroic fantasy, that you will fit into specific archetypes? Why do people's brains, if they have them to begin with, vanish suddenly? I know I just did a big old rant that included this within it but genuinely I think a lot of people are deeply ignorant of heroic fantasy, or don't like it, and either is fine, but then they get mad at the heroic fantasy game for having heroic fantasy archetypes when the answer is "maybe this will never make you happy because it's not for you." (Frankly, I think this is also why they love D20, because it doesn't really do straight-up heroic fantasy, and that's fine, but they do keep acting like doing a Game of Thrones pastiche is equivalent to the invention of the wheel.) Like...I remember in the Midst Q&A that Xen said they tend to not like playing typical D&D classes, but their solution was to, you know, create Midst instead of sitting around going "actually, because D&D doesn't support cyberpunk narrative and the character archetypes within very well it is an utter failure." (I could go on forever about how actually TTRPGs are not a showcase for your already extant OCs to prance around but that's a totally separate post).

Mechanics and story are inherently intertwined, is what I'm trying to get at (sorry I'm really tired and have a lot to do but I'm passionate about this answer, it will be rambly, she says like 3 pages in) and I really don't think most actual play journalists get this. At all. And I do think that CR, and Daggerheart, and the people working for it, and especially Spenser Starke, Rowan Hall, Matt Mercer, and Travis Willingham, get this more than almost anyone else in the field. I also think Brennan Lee Mulligan and Aabria Iyengar get this, and the thing is, for all the praise showered upon them, much of which I think is deserved and most of what I think is undeserved is not because they are lacking but because the person writing about them is an idiot crediting them for things they (Brennan and Aabria) would never claim to have invented, their mechanical prowess is rarely if ever written about well. Fantasy High Junior Year's downtime mechanics actually fill in a famous gap in D&D, namely, downtime, and provide an excellent marriage of story and mechanics in my opinion, and I haven't really seen any discussion, because that would require watching the part of the TTRPG show where they play the TTRPG, and knowing the vague word on the street about D&D criticism that isn't just "*nods sagely* capitalism is the BBEG."

And finally: related a bit to the edit but Critical Role used to not be able to provide any early access to press, because it was literally a live show, and I suspect they never broke the habit, and I think that is for the best. As discussed a lot of D20 coverage actually feels like they watched the press screener and then never returned to the show. And I do not know the politics about them, but given that several of these publications (notably Polygon, but some others) have been shitting on Critical Role for several years, and just generally given the way CR's leadership vs. how D20's leadership respond to fandom pressure, I suspect Critical Role does not give these journalists a ton of early or increased, if any. Honestly, why should you, if you're getting interviewed in Variety? And I think the journalists are mad, because they think they're special and should get treated as such.

I do want to wrap something up, and I want to thank @captainofthetidesbreath for talking a little about this in game design/ttrpgs and giving me the idea, but in story, you should be challenging your audience, expanding their horizons, and being new and interesting. In the actual playing of TTRPGs, especially a new one, it is vital to be inclusive and easy to understand and patient and provide points of reference. I really feel like many Actual Play journalists and some TTRPG ones as well have this equation flipped and are looking for challenging concepts that most people will never be able to get a group to be willing to play, and bells and whistles in production, but leave story as an afterthought. Critical Role designs games to actually be played and to be used specifically to tell good stories, and puts story before production, and I think that undercuts those journalists' whole deal.

[crimsonender]

Why do you care so much about Lily Orchard

Actually getting this a little backwards. I took notice of Lily Orchard as an individual earlier this year, back in January to March, when she was listed amongst a series of trans creators that are unfairly scrutinized. As she was the only one who had a Tumblr at the time I began following her because I wanted to basically spite transphobes. I've come under fire myself for being trans in the past.

What I discovered in the months I followed her is that she had awful takes and was really dismissive and sometimes outright mean to her fans. I went to a live stream or two, and I watched a couple videos. I soon became critical of her, and decided to do some research. This lead me to Hiding in Private and Sai Scribbles. At the time, I was focused on Lily being a bad YouTuber, both in terms of content and how she treated her fans.

I knew that no one else was going to cover her video on the Coffin of Andy and Leyley because most people dismiss this gothic horror game as problematic and incestuous. As a fan of the genre and the game itself I decided to cover the video. Then as a spur of the moment decision at the end of that stream I decided to cover her latest Kingdom Hearts video as well. This would turn into a an edited video later on where I was very insistant on not focusing on Lily's actions and the allegations. I was mostly concerned with her rhetoric and behaviour as a YouTuber, because I had been wanting to talk about media analysis for a long time. As you can see from my coverage on MatPat, Anita Sarkiseen, Anthony Gramgulia, and iDubbbz. I think there is something fundamentaly flawed with the way the modern internet analyzes media. Each of these individuals has contributed negatively to this rhetoric in their own way, but where people like Anthony and iDubbbz and even Sarkiseen have tried to improve (and in Anthony's case a large reason for the majority of his writing that is worthy of criticism was how he was editorialized by the publications he worked for) Lily has always doubled down and gotten worse. Moreover my biggest issue with Lily right now is how she interacts with her fandom, which is unique to her. She has been publically very sexual towards them, she encourages anti-intellectualism, has a history of abuse, so yeah that definitely is a factor. My last two videos were less about her media analysis and more about how she interacts with her audience and the world around her. I think people like Lily are dangerous.

I don't hate everyone I cover. I'm friends with Anthony and I like his videos and style of writing. He's not perfect but he's also very open to criticism. iDubbbz I'm not a big fan of but for the most part I'm fairly indifferent to. MatPat's videos while I'm highly critical of them, are somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me and I've been watching him since he released his first Starfox video. Sarkiseen I am more critical of but acknowledge she was one of the first people to make videos about feminism in modern media on the scale she was doing it. I wouldn't say anything these people are doing is dangerous.

If Lily was just some woman on the internet with a bad opinion then I probably wouldn't care. It's Lily's control over such a large number of people that worries me. Dismantling her rhetoric is how we show the people she has control over a way out. It's how we teach people that have been trained to turn their brain off that they should think for themselves. Videos like Joon the King's covering her allegations are important don't get me wrong, but unless we teach people to think for themselves, they're just going to fall for the next grifter to come along. The crux of the matter is that no one person should dictate what your opinion is based on how big of a fan you are of them. This problem is so much bigger than Lily. Lily just represents this issue to such a large degree.

[jals-stuff]

Hihi! First of all I LOVE your writing and thank you for feeding us hungry Orter fans with your work (I have been STRAVING for his fic) so if you don't mind, I have a little request! So I imagine in a what if Orter has a crush on someone (aka us and ofc we gotta like the sandman back) who's always on a dangerous mission due to how strong they are who is ALSO his partner time to time and one day, they just went into a coma from overusing their magic. MAYBE when they woke up, the two will confess to each other or?? Idk I will let you cook 🧑‍🍳

(Sorry if my wording is a little confusing!)

good day/evening anon! your wording is just fine no worries

first of all, thank you SO much, this brightened my day by a lot, you have absolutely no clue what kind of serotonin torrent you have unleashed. I am glad at least some people like my writings, that's why I'm doing it.

I don't think this is 100% close to what you described, but I hope you'll like it regardless-

Should be gn!reader if I didn't mess it up...

warnings: SLIGHT SPOILIES, bit dark, mentions of death, bit of despair... not proofread I am so sorry.

word count: 2.8k

note: I apologise for any dumb mistakes because I physically cannot proofread myself at 6am but if I don't post it now I won't do it ever. please don't hate me anon

What if...

As much as he hates to admit it (to himself, of course), Orter had grown a little bit too fond of you. The way you greet him whenever you come back from a mission, or the way you always make sure to respect the rules and act logically while also protecting everyone around you when the two of you would go on missions together. 

The way you whine when your legs are tired after walking long distances, the way you always bring him a little something to eat when you know it’s going to be a long trip. You’ve always been good to everyone, much opposed to the cold man; but it wasn’t the only difference between the two of you.

Everyone has their own logic and, as much as you respected your own, his was quite different. While you wanted to take every single possibility into consideration, he preferred not to overload his mind with useless statistics and just think of a solution when the time comes.

However, a lot of things aren’t affected by logic, such as feelings, and how could the dense sandman guess that you were absolutely enamoured with him? These were variables he would’ve never imagined, even though he was painfully into you as well. 

Of course, he was your top priority, and protecting him from harm even though he was a rather powerful mage was of the utmost importance. He should’ve known that when the two of you recklessly charged into enemy territory in an attempt to weaken the devil’s quintuplets before they would be on the move.

Orter was a man of many things, but “what if''s were not part of his usual reasoning, and that was the biggest mistake of his life. However he only realised it too late when you had to break your own limits to make sure he’d go back safely. It was time to retreat, but the two of you had been completely cornered. 

Having a dormant god inside of your wand had many benefits, but Psyche was not an entity to be trifled with. The Soul Goddess would, each time you requested even a fraction of her power, take a huge toll on your stamina and sanity, and this time it was more than critical.

You were already exhausted from using so much of your mana, and now you were completely surrounded by Innocent Zero's sons. Unleashing your Psyche Inclination and ordering all of the quintuplets to sleep immediately surpassed your own boundaries.

You knew what would happen if you pushed beyond your limits with your personal magic, but it was completely worth it. After all, what was the point of living anymore if the only person you loved was dead? 

All of them were immensely powerful, and neutralising such strong enemies was not a meagre task. As soon as the last one fell to the ground in blissful slumber, you felt something rupture inside of you; like a used rope that suddenly lets go, your breath hitched and you collapsed to the floor. 

It was all pitch black, and your consciousness kept you company just long enough to let you hear Orter’s panicked voice calling out for you. Yet somehow, despite the fact that you were falling into the pitch-black abyss, you felt relieved that he, above everything and everyone, was safe.

But anything beyond the confines of your darkened mind was unknown to you and despite your multiple attempts to open your eyes and wake up, everything went silent.

“No, no no…”

Had you been awake, you would’ve been astonished at how Orter had never been that distressed before, at least not in front of you. The loss of his dear friend Alex Elliot had taught him a painful lesson not to get attached to anyone and to simply stick to the rules, but he had let himself fall for you, and now he was experiencing the trauma once more.

“Please, no… not them…” 

Not only were you unconscious, you had done this to yourself for his sake. He was aware of that fact; had you not decided to literally put yourself through such an ordeal, the two of you would be dead already.

But unlike his deceased junior, your heart was still beating and there was still time to save you. He had never run so fast in his entire life, carrying you carefully in his arms to bring you back to the Bureau’s infirmary, laying you down as gently as he could as the nurses rushed to assess your state.

You weren’t hurt, so to say, but the abusive usage of your personal magic had plunged you into a coma, and it was unsure if you would ever wake up from it. 

It looked like you were peacefully asleep, maybe dreaming of a better place you would possibly join soon; unmoving and slowly breathing, as if nothing had happened. Orter knew you could possibly open your eyes anytime, and it kept him distracted every time he would fill his paperwork or go on a mission.

Whenever he had free time, he would rush to the infirmary to check on you, make sure you’re still breathing, or even talk to you. It could help you come back to your senses, or so the nurses said, and as ridiculous as he felt when he talked to your inert body, he would’ve done anything in his power to bring you back, as slim as the chances were.

But then it suddenly hit him. What could he possibly tell you if you ever woke up? He would for sure apologise, but other than that? How could he face you after you had quite literally sacrificed yourself for him? He wasn’t even sure he could look into your eyes again.

Did you resent him for this?

Would you forgive his recklessness?

Would you give him this warm smile he had gotten so used to?

And would it be time for him to finally admit his feelings? You were right here, in front of him, yet you weren’t there. He missed you so dearly, the sound of your voice, the shit eating grin you’d give him whenever he was wrong and you were right, the way you’d laugh at his disgruntled expression afterwards…

All of these interactions he thought annoyed him were now severely missed and he would’ve given anything to even just see the colour of your eyes one more time. 

And see he didn’t, for what seemed to be an eternity. Everyday, when he’d come to visit you, a small part of him hoped your eyes would be open and you’d greet him the way you always did, but every time, he was met with your inanimate form, comfortably laid in the infirmary bed. 

His hope of hearing your voice ever again gradually vanished with every one-sided conversation he had with your unconscious figure, swallowing down his emotions with every word he said. He was slowly accepting the fact that you might just never open your eyes again.

The more this thought settled into his mind, the more desperate he grew, and suddenly, his usual mindset faded away and his brain filled with “what if”s. 

What if he had taken some time to listen to your suggestions, what if he had thought of a plan B like you always had? What if he had ever told you about his feelings, what if you loved him back? What if you didn't? What if you never woke up?

Dread took over on his other emotions and suddenly, it wasn’t hope that drove him to visit you everyday; it was despair. What if you never opened your eyes again? How could he ever live with your presence replaced by this horrifying feeling of guilt for letting you die in his place? 

You were surely powerful enough that you could’ve ran away on your own, and left him behind if needed; it would’ve been the logical, reasonable thing to do. But the heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. Of course, he should’ve known that you would never leave him behind, but precisely because it was completely illogical, it never occurred to him that you would willingly let yourself be hurt if he had a chance to make it out alive.

Now he was sitting at your bedside and kept hoping you’d wake up, just open your eyes and talk to him, greet him and say everything was going to be fine, just the way it was before… it seemed like he hadn’t heard your voice in an eternity, and it was weighing on him the whole time. Like a burden he would have to carry forever if you didn’t wake up from this coma you had put yourself into for his own sake.

His eyes never left your figure as he spoke to you kindly, as if you were still awake. Of course, occasional visitors would look at him like he was a lunatic, talking to someone who was obviously not here to answer, but it didn’t matter to him anymore.

Orter was ready to abandon his image for your sake, sometimes even skipping work and breaking his own principles so he could hold your hand for another minute before going on yet another perilous mission. 

The thought of you dying peacefully in your sleep haunted his mind every single day, and his sorrow was great enough that, more than once, he did consider exhausting himself enough so he would be defenceless enough for an enemy to just take him out of his misery.

For weeks, months, his mind was plagued with the thought of you leaving him forever, of not being able to tell you about these feelings he thought were completely unnecessary. Shame and rejection didn’t even matter to him anymore and he just longed for the day you’d wake up and even just look at him. 

He was on a mission, the day he heard that one of your fingers had merely twitched. Breaking protocol was far from his usual behaviour, but he needed to see you. That is how he accidentally drowned an entire area in sand, catching both enemies and harmless monsters in his Antlion’s Nest. 

The rules didn’t matter to him anymore, it was a physical need to see if you were okay and to maybe, just maybe hear your voice. 

However, he walked in on something completely different. Many of the other Divine Visionaries were gathered around you in religious silence, observing you. He had to push through the crowd and his heart stopped for a second when he saw you. 

You were sitting up in your bed, slightly confused as to why everyone was staring like this. For you, mere seconds had passed but in reality it had been literal months. As your eyes travelled amongst the crowd, you saw Orter, who was also staring at you in utter disbelief. 

The infirmary was completely silent, and no one was moving, as if time had suddenly stopped. Ryoh threw a glance at the others and they just silently left. Now it was just you and Orter, looking at each other in both confusion and shock. He stumbled towards the chair that was resting near your bed and he slowly took a seat.

“Well… you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Upon hearing your voice, he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. It was like all of his burdens were suddenly lifted off his shoulders and his head and arms simply collapsed against the mattress, much to your confusion. You raised your hand to reach for his hair and upon seeing how your nails had grown so much, you realised something probably happened.

“It’s been months! I thought you’d never wake up! I thought I wouldn’t hear your voice ever again. Why on Earth would you do such a thing? No, no... it was all my fault. I'm sorry, (Y/N), I'm so, so sorry.” 

He sounded angry, but he really wasn’t. You started connecting the dots and it took you a bit of time to understand that you had been unconscious for the past few months, worrying the poor sandman to death, though right now it didn’t matter at all. 

“I’m glad you’re alive, Orter.”

Although you had been unconscious for literal months, seeing the Desert Cane unharmed was such a huge relief for you. However, not everything was swell inside his mind. He still felt extremely guilty that you nearly died for him, and nothing could possibly pay back this humongous debt he thought he owed you. 

But seeing his relieved expression when he looked at you was enough of a payback. He had watched you wither away for months and now you were finally back to the world of the living, eyes focused on him and him only. 

You tried to stand up but as soon as your arms attempted to lift your form, they gave out and you started losing balance. Orter immediately stood up from his chair to catch you, wrapping his arms around your now weak body to support you, but even after you were back to your spot, he wouldn’t let go. He simply sat on your bed next to you, not letting go. 

Almost out of instinct, you rested your head on his shoulder and let out a long sigh, your arms raising up slightly.

“Please, just rest, you must be really exhausted.”

But his words just didn’t reach you, you needed this. After a while and a lot of effort, you managed to rest these weak arms of yours against his shoulders, on the sides of his neck, and he fell silent. You had no strength at all but he could feel you use all of your willpower to embrace him, and you also seemed like you wouldn’t let go.

He seemed fine with it as he slightly nuzzled your neck and closed his eyes, finally relaxing a little after this emotional rollercoaster. It felt so comfortable to finally be in his arms after such a long time spent longing for him, as if you were finally where you belonged. 

“I missed you.” Orter said quietly, close to your ear. His arms tightened around and you would've probably cried hadn't you been so exhausted. Your words were stuck in your throat and you could only nod and hum softly, your voice cutting inside your throat. 

His arms tightened around you further, holding you into a comforting hug, one of his hands gently going through your hair and keeping your head close to him. You exhaled again, wanting nothing more than to keep holding him. 

“Just don't let go. Please.”

Your voice was muffled by his embrace but you were close enough to his ear for him to understand your words, and you could've sworn you heard his breath hitch for a second as his arms tightened even harder around you.

“I won't.” He sighs into your neck, comfortably seated on the side of your bed, and you wanted nothing more than to lay back down and have him hold you, but you were still in the infirmary and it would've been very problematic to be seen like this.

“I won't, ever. I can't.” He held you even closer now, like he was trying to merge with you, your chest and his pressed against each other as if to share your heartbeats.

Although you had never seen Orter being this close with anyone before, it all felt very natural. Just like the way his hand slid from your hair to your cheek, like the way he moved away from you slowly, his usually cold gaze now soft and filled with something you weren't quite used to.

Just like the way he couldn't take it any longer and gave in to the physical urge to softly press his lips to yours. You didn't pull away, of course; the moment too precious to let surprise ruin it. 

You returned the kiss, your eyes now closed to take in the pleasant, wholesome warmth his embrace brought to you, after you'd been so cold for literal months. 

As nothing lasts forever, your lips and his slowly separated, but his eyes were now on yours again. 

“I won't let you fall again, (Y/N), I promise.”

You couldn't help but give a soft chuckle and his expression turned slightly puzzled. Of course, you two didn't share the same braincells.

“I've already fallen too hard.” You breathed out.

His eyes widened for a second before he regained his composure and brushed a few hairs away from your face to place them behind your ear.

“Then I guess we’re both down now.” he finally admitted, his expression just a little softer and his lips almost curved into a smile. 

You were suddenly thankful for Orter holding you so close, lest your heart would've jumped out of your chest. 

“I love you, just… in case it wasn't clear enough.” He awkwardly added, and you thought it was just adorable. Another chuckle escaped you with a nod.

“I know. I love you too.”

He hummed softly and sighed deeply in relief. 

That was one “what if” finally satisfied, and probably the first of a long list.

[writingquestionsanswered]

hey, i love your blog, you’re so kind for doing all of this. kudos.

i was wondering if you have advice on how to not be terrified of sharing your work with the world? i write a lot of fanfiction (and someday hopefully some original stories) but i get so so anxious about ANYONE reading them so they usually end up rotting in my google docs, and eventually i stop writing them because i don’t get the motivation that comes from reader responses

but the issue is i’m not sure how to tackle this anxiety. as someone who has published works, do you have advice for this?

Tackling the Anxiety of Sharing Your Work

For my answer, I'm going to cobble together some bits from previous posts and add some new stuff. ♥

Sharing our fiction with others is one of the biggest steps we take as writers, and it can be scary no matter what you write. But, if you want to be published, it’s a necessary step. As with so many things in life, doing something that requires courage is often just a matter of taking a deep breath and doing it. "Ripping off the band-aid," as they say.

However, there are some things that might help ease the associated anxiety a bit:

1 - Try to Pin Down Your Specific Fears - One of the first things you may want to do is try to figure out what you're specifically afraid of or what's making you the most anxious about the prospect of sharing your work. If you can find the root cause, it might be easier to tackle the associated anxiety. Are you worried people:

will think your writing is bad?

won’t like your writing style?

won’t get your story/characters?

will judge you for what you write about?

will think less of you for writing at all or what you write about?

will blab about your writing to others?

will steal your ideas?

will see similarities between your story and others?

will make you feel tied to a project you might not complete?

I tackle some of these in the writing-related-fears portion of my Motivation master list.

2 - Don't Rush It - If you take the time to properly revise and edit your story, you can be confident in knowing you've put in the time and effort to make your story the best it possibly can be.

3 - Start Small - If you can, try sharing your story first with an "alpha reader," or in other words a trusted friend, family member, or community member who can appreciate your story. In this case, you might say you're not looking for specific feedback but just a general impression of what they liked about the story. This way, it's not about getting constructive criticism so much as getting over the hump of sharing it and getting the little boost of what they like about the story.

4 - Gradually Go Bigger - From there, you might try sending to a couple of beta readers and opening up to a bit more feedback. The great thing about this is not only are you conditioning yourself to sharing and getting the opinions of others, you can potentially use the feedback to iron out kinks in the story if there are any.

5 - Use a Pen Name - You might want to consider using a pen name for anonymity. Pen names have many different purposes, but much like wearing a mask at a party, they can decrease your inhibition a bit because it creates a bit of a buffer between the real you and your writing.

6 - Post and Let It Go - Many writers get around the issue by simply not engaging with reader feedback, and if you're someone who cares what other people think or are likely to be daunted by the prospect of criticism, this may be the best route for you to go. Now, I know that with fan-fiction in particular, reader feedback is often used for improvement. But the truth of the matter is, you shouldn't rely on reader feedback for improvement anyway. Alpha readers, beta readers, critique partners, and editors are a much better metric for where to improve. When you get your feedback elsewhere, you can post your story and let it fly on its own without worrying about what others are saying.

I hope that helps!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[youcouldmakealife]

Could you explain the concept of masking, especially in the context of the last SAIT? I'm not really familiar with this concept - as far as I understood it, it means that neurodivergent people "pretend" (for lack of better word) to behave more in a way that they would consider neurotypical? What did Robbie mean when he compared Georgie and Finn - that they are both hiding something? Georgie isn't neurodivergent - or is he?

Happy to!

I'm just going to preface that while I've read up a lot on this in the past few years, I'm obviously not an expert, and this is my own personal take on the information I've gathered rather than any 'official' definition of the term.

I'm going to talk about how masking applies to a few of my characters in a post I'll link here, because it's already long enough.

Masking is most often used to describe a particular set of behaviours by some neurodivergent people; it can also be described as 'camouflaging', which I think is a useful way to highlight that the biggest part of this behaviour is to get through social interactions safely.

Safety can be literal physical safety, but it can also be without someone getting upset at you, or being mocked or criticised. This is especially difficult if you're not sure what exactly leads to criticism, or mockery, or offence, or why -- a lot of ND masks involve being very, very quiet, because in the past, honest behaviour and speech has lead to Repercussions.

Speech and social behaviour aren't the only things involved in masking: most high masking autistic people don't stim in public, for example, or will replace big, noticeable stims (rocking, flapping the arms or hands, auditory stimming like repeating words or sounds) with more 'socially acceptable' stims, like hair twirling, repeated throat clearing, and non-disruptive fidgeting, often because they punished for the original behaviours.

This can also apply to other ND 'coded' behaviours, like interest in things that are deemed weird or inappropriate or not for their age group, a flat affect (a monotone voice, expressionless face, or little body language), 'blunt' speech, interrupting others or monologuing, and other 'inappropriate' behaviours.

In the case of masking with neurodivergent individuals, it's a behaviour that sort of...imperfectly replaces the 'sense' that neurotypical individuals get from conversations. The mostly unconscious things that neurotypical people can pick up from non-verbal indicators like body language and tone do not come innately to neurodivergent people.

I should note here how important the word 'innately' is. A ton of neurodivergent people are capable of picking up those things, and some are even more sensitive than the average neurotypical person to them -- some are even hypervigilant, particularly if they needed to be for their personal safety -- but this is a learned set of skills that require energy and active effort to implement, even if the ND person is not consciously aware of that.

Basically, it's a program running constantly in social situations, and, like any constantly running program, it drains the hell out of the battery. An ND person will be drained by masked social interaction no matter how enjoyable the people or extroverted the person, because it involves constant monitoring and adjustment if the monitoring notes that something's off.

But I think it's really important to note that everybody masks to some extent. Two people are having a lovely chat in front of you and then one of them privately says 'I hate that bitch' right after the other person leaves? They were masking. Smiling at your boss even though he just piled a month's worth of work on your desk? Masking. Being very polite to the man aggressively hitting on you because he's setting off alarm bells? Masking. Saying 'I'm good thanks' when someone asks how you are, even though your day sucked? Masking.

Masking is fundamentally behaviour that does not match the authentic reactions and feelings of a person.

And it's not inherently a bad thing! At least in small doses. It's actually hard to say sometimes where the line between 'being polite and behaving in a socially acceptable' becomes masking. I think the biggest difference is that for neurotypical people, it's a conscious behaviour used in specific scenarios. For neurodivergent people, it's that program running constantly in the background. And it's not just used in specific situations -- it's almost all the time.

Many ND people are only unmasked when alone, or with individuals they trust not to use their unmasked identity against them. This can include family, friends, partners, or fellow neurodivergent people they're not necessarily close to, or even friends with, but also don't feel they have to monitor themselves in the same way with. Many people have at least one person they're comfortable being around unmasked. They may not use that term, but they may speak of someone 'not draining their battery' or 'people are hard to talk to, but you're different', etc. It's because they're not socially performing with that individual.

It's also important to note that this isn't ND people 'tricking' others in social situations like a socially manipulative person might. It's a survival mechanism that develops as a result of the 'real' (unmasked) behaviours leading to consequences in their past. It's a response to being criticised, yelled at, mocked, etc, by parents, teachers, peers, etc for authentic behaviour. For that reason, you can also see masking in neurotypical people with CPTSD. Again, it's not to trick anyone. It's to remain safe -- physically and emotionally.

I should also note that masking isn't universal among ND individuals -- it's more common among those with low support needs, and those AFAB, who were expected to comply more closely to social norms than those AMAB. You'll also find it a lot in those, like me, who weren't diagnosed until adulthood, because, well -- masking, by its very definition, makes it harder to notice someone's neurodivergence.

I've been making efforts to unmask since my diagnosis, and have since realised I did not understand the extent I was masking, nor the extent it was draining me, until I stopped masking most of the time. This is common for a lot of ND individuals.

That's important because it's hard to stop doing a behaviour that isn't wholly intentional, and it's even harder to realise how much it's hurting you. The strongest correlation they found between autistic individuals and autistic burnout is masking. It's also the biggest correlation between autistic individuals and suicide. It, like many coping mechanisms common to ND individuals (addiction is much more common in ND individuals than the general population, especially for those with ADHD) can possibly be helpful in the short term, but it's extremely harmful to the individual in the long term.

So just. For my ND readers. Please be aware of that. It can be genuinely helpful, and protective. I personally still use it in certain situations, and when I do not, I am more likely to make a social 'blunder'. But the difference in my mental health pre-and-post unmasking is immense. The more you wear the mask, the more you think that mask is you, but it isn't. And you cannot properly care for yourself if you don't actually know who you are.

[highlordofkrypton]

Bad writing?

I don't usually participate in ACOTAR critical discussions, but I do wanna jump in on the discussion of bad writing. This was inspired by another post about Nesta & bad writing, but I didn't feel like my response was on topic enough to reply -- but here it is.

Authors have every right to go in a different direction with their character development, but the difference between good and bad writing is how do the characters change.

In my experience, and my personal enjoyment of reading:

A bad writer will simply start writing the character differently with no rhyme or reason.

A good writer will set the character up to experience situations, interactions or anything else that will set the character on a path of growth (whether that is good or bad). Usually, a large characterization shift will contribute to the plot/narrative.

A bad writer will contradict their own established canon. Mind you, they created their canon, these are their own rules. They're allowed to break them, but there should be some kind of reasoning for it.

A good writer will establish why their previous statements are no longer valid so that the reader can actively choose to move with or against the development they're proposing for the character.

A bad writer will tell you that you're wrong in your beliefs of this character.

A good writer will lead you towards different paths of thinking about the character, but ultimately, the reader should feel comfortable in making their own decisions about the character based on what was shown to them.

I'm all for the belief that there are no right or wrongs in writing, especially in fan fiction, but if you're writing for a wide audience (or for an audience that is paying for your work), there should be some kind of consideration for your readers.

Many readers want to know what's going on; they want to join your characters on their journey.

Many readers prefer not to be treated like all their beliefs were wrong without a foundation for changes. I hate using this word, but it makes people feel gaslighted and not in a cool, narrative, plot-twisty way.

Additionally, my biggest personal 'bar' for debating whether a writing is good or bad is if the writing shatters my immersion in the book. If I spend more time thinking to myself how this is wrong for the character without thinking that something is happening for the plot, then yeah, for me it's bad writing.

I do wonder, though, if the entire ACOTAR series is just because Feyre is an unreliable narrator. Since it's written in the first person, and we all know how our hearts and minds can play tricks on us, maybe it's just that.

I haven't read past ACOWAR, nor have I read any of SJM's other series.

Those who have read CC and TOG, thoughts?

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

I just want to clarify that I've read your posts and your answers to questions and I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment of the situation, my reblog is only meant to bring more information into the dialogue and point out the racism and microaggressions taking place while using your animal conservation as a shield.

I realized once I posted my reblog it may seem like I am targeting you specifically I am not, as screenshotting the amount of discrimination I have been weeding through ever since this post has enraged me as someone from a "lesser developed country" myself.

I wish you well in your endeavors, and I'm sorry your well intended message is being hijacked by racists.

Hi thank you for reaching out! Looking back I would definitely have re-wrote that post and definitely do some more research before posting it.

I do see some really nice habitats there too and I know that there is a genuine care for the animals despite the questionable handling - I didn't want to imply that the reason for the poor handling was purely because of country, poor welfare happens regardless of country, even with animal welfare laws in place.

Sub cultures and cultures with the zoo itself are usually what I've found to be the most detrimental to welfare. When I was brought in to help improve welfare and training for marine mammals in two different facilities - one in the Pacific Islands and another in a "western" modern facility - both places had their own major issues with lack of education/up to date knowledge, relience on outdated practises and cliques that formed as a front against any attempt to change things.

This was quite surprising to me considering the company I worked for in the western facility definitely had the resources and the money but had simply gotten stagnant and stuck in the "this is how we always do it."

The facility in the Pacific stagnated because of the culture too - but lack of resources and consistent funding was a huge factor in attempting to improve things (I had to buy enrichment for the animals out of my own pocket so that was fun lol)

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that the post was never suppoed to be implicating the fact that the zoo was in Thailand for the reason for poor handling.

And, you can see on my blog, I have been singing the praises of multiple facilities in Asia. I'm highly critical of any intense handling of exotic animals, especially in the US. When autonomy and the ability to leave the interaction is taken away for an animal, the interaction is more likely to become dangerous or cause stress to the animal.

But anyway I appreciate you letting me know your thoughts and I do not support any of the people leaving any sort of racist generalisation about South East Asia on that post. Especially because it is tourists coming in from western countries that are some of the biggest drivers for animal welfare issues in Thailand - such as the Tiger Temple.

If westerners were truly so "englightened" on animal welfare, there would be no profit gained from tourists participating in unethical animal experiences. But its not exactly shocking to see this, especially from Americans, who also actively participate in exploitation of exotic animals in their own country (the exotic pet trade is a nightmare there).

Anyway culture and people are complex and so are perceptions of animal welfare - thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

[qqueenofhades]

Do you think part of what makes people feel like voting isn’t worth it because things don’t get better under democrats is because we can’t see what would have happened? Like I see a lot of people saying “well biden hasn’t made america much better so there’s no point” but it’s like they don’t understand that under a republican they would actively do everything they could to cause more harm. It’s like they don’t understand that 1. The president can’t do much, and 2. IT WOULD BE WORSE. like they don’t understand the possibilities. Idk people just frustrate me

I'm sorry, as I know you're just relaying what these people think and not claiming so yourself, but the whole "things don't get better under Biden/Democrats" line to which we are subjected so very, miserably often is a lie!!! It is demonstrably a lie! It is peddled by people who deliberately live in their echo-chamber leftist misinformation bubbles and either don't read the news, don't accept anything less than the Magical Socialist Revolution Now, and don't think partial or incremental progress (aka the only kind of progress that exists) is valid. "Biden hasn't single-handedly fixed everything wrong with America and the world after the most damaging presidency ever to exist and 250+ years of flaws, while other countries actually are their own actors with agency making complex choices, so we shouldn't vote for him" is a bullshit lie and I'm tired of it!!!

(Again. Sorry. This is not directed at you. This is just my frustration with this entire ridiculous situation speaking.)

We have had multiple elections now where people voted for Democrats, which resulted in abortion protections, protections for LGBTQ people, the biggest climate legislation ever to pass Congress/be signed into law (the Inflation Reduction Act), vast improvements in the job market, executive actions both large and small, improvements in labor and the economy, a general democratic system, a defense of the rule of law, a warning against fascism, and everything else that Trump trampled on in 4 years and will finish the job of doing if this godforsaken country is either right-wing-zealot or left-wing-zealot enough to put him back into office. (Like, people. Google is free. You're welcome to look up the improvements Biden has actually made, but that would harm your Narrative.) So much of this misinformation is also peddled by people who are proud that they don't have a clue how the American government works and/or deliberately lie about it: see all the claims that it was Biden's fault for not magically stopping a Trump-stacked SCOTUS, selected for the express purpose of overturning Roe, from overturning Roe. Because the president could just unilaterally overturn the Supreme Court with no problems at all if He Really Wanted To, I guess. Even if that is literally not the way it has ever functioned in history.

All the noxious Republicans in state legislatures passing anti-trans/anti-abortion/anti-voting laws ARE NOT SOMETHING BIDEN CAN STOP. If you're going to criticize him for not doing something, for God's sake at least make it for something he can do (like not calling for a ceasefire in Gaza, though I would argue he's already taking a more nuanced approach than the entirety of the American establishment during the War on Terror). And then vote for him when/if he follows it up, not just throw your hands in the air and scream about how you Can't Possibly Sully Yourself (especially when there is some very selective support going on here and a deliberate white-washing of how many orders of magnitude worse absolutely everything else in America and the world would be under Trump. So.)

I'm tired of it. I'm really, really tired of it. I've been trying to cut back on my politics posting because my mental health is bad right now and I often feel like a broken record screaming into the void. But. Yeah. Anyway. Whoof.

[oddeyes588]

So, Oshi no Ko's ending... (spoilers, obviously)

What a fucking mess. How did we get here? How did we get from starting with such a high peak of storytelling and drop all the way down to hell?

I'm going to preface this by saying... regardless of how awful the ending is, Oshi no Ko will always hold a place in my heart. Hell, one look at my screen name should let at least some people know that bad endings have never been able to rid me of whatever brainworms I've accumulated for a series, and it certainly won't start now.

(CW: SUICIDE MENTIONS)

A certain someone infecting me with Ai Hoshino brainworms is also part of why. For better or worse, my hyperfixation with Oshi no Ko is set to last for a long while yet, even after it's ending.

So where to start in talking about this ending... well, let's start with the biggest thing. This is single handedly the most mind-boggling, absurd ending I have ever read, for all of the worst reasons.

Oshi no Ko, as a whole, has never exactly been subtle about its messages. The cruelty of the idol industry, of the entertainment industry as a whole. The self-destructive nature of revenge. Finding reasons to live for yourself, finding your own happiness... happiness for oneself. It was heavy-handed with these messages, and it's important that it was. Aka Akasaka seemed like an author who would not shy away from writing these criticisms, who had their main messages down pat, even if at times things got... questionable.

(Just look at the side materials that we got for Oshi no Ko. Things like Viewpoint B. Everything, if nothing else, remained at least somewhat consistent to what the story was trying to convey).

And yet somehow, for reasons I cannot begin to understand... at the end of Oshi no Ko, Aka spat on every single message his work has ever had.

Aquamarine Hoshino, a traumatized boy who views his life as worthless, ready to give it up and sacrifice himself if it means succeeding in his revenge, who has said outright that that he intends to die after his revenge is over... is faced with a chance for a new beginning, a chance for love, given a chance to life a life of real, genuine happiness... faced with SO MANY people who love him and want him in their lives...! And he chooses to die anyways, taking his father with him to the ocean depths in a murder suicide, all so that his sister wouldn't have to live with the stigma of having a murderer for a brother. Something he does without hesitation, because everyone will move on from him eventually.

And Ruby... oh Ruby. Oh how they character assassinated you... faced with the crying face of her own mother in her reflection, she conveyed the truth... the truth that Ai was always just an ordinary girl, an ordinary girl who had her real self beaten down by the desires of people, turned into a perfect and pure commodity, all for the ugly desires of the people... who was then KILLED for failing to live up to those desires... what does Ruby do?

She choses to surpass her mother as an idol... because sure, Ai may not have been perfect, but she won't be like Ai! She'll be her own idol! An even better idol!

And so she does. She effectively becomes Ai 2.0. Ai without all of those complicated hidden feelings, Ai but she really is pure this time.

And in the wake of her brother's death... Ai but without any happiness of her own. Without any happiness outside of her singular, sole purpose. Having lost everything that she held dear, she now truly is the Perfect Idol, and nothing else. A monument of praise towards the Idol Industry.

...Everything this manga had been building up to. Building up to convincing Aqua that he deserves happiness... hell, Ai's one and only wish, for her babies to grow up healthy, for them to be happy. Building up to Ruby finding her own happiness, finding her own real reason to be an idol.

With an ending that Aka has confirmed is what he'd wanted the entire time... everything is flushed down the proverbial toilet, never to be seen again.

Aqua dies pointlessly and in a way that goes against every message we've ever had concerning living for yourself. Hikaru never had nearly enough screentime, let alone an arc, to justify being irredeemably evil and needing to be killed. Kana never gets to confess her feelings, Ruby's feelings go forever unaddressed, Akane serves fundamentally no purpose, Ai's wishes go almost completely unfulfilled, and Ruby becomes a shell of herself with being an idol now the only thing she has... and yet all of this is framed as a good ending.

The idea that this is in any way a good ending is... completely baffling to me. I cannot understand what is going through Aka Akasaka's head. Not only is this narratively the worst possible ending, but even the ending itself feels so hollow... rushed, as though none of it really meant anything, least of all Aqua's death. All but proving him right.

His death, his sacrifice, his suicide was worth it. Because despite how many people were hurt by his passing, in the end, they all moved on just like he expected.

(WHICH, LET ME JUST SAY, IS AN EXTREMELY POOR, RECKLESS, AND IRRESPONSIBLE MESSAGE TO BE WRITING ABOUT FUCKING SUICIDE. ESPECIALLY TO A COUNTRY LIKE JAPAN, WHERE SUICIDE RATES FOR YOUNG PEOPLE ARE PAINFULLY HIGH!! IT WAS ONLY WHAT, 20-SOMETHING CHAPTERS AGO WHERE YOU HAD THE LITERAL MANGAKAS IN THE STORY GO ON FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER ABOUT HOW THEIR WRITING HAS AN INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE'S LIVES, HOW THEY HAVE TO BE READY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT THEY WRITE, AND YOU WROTE AN ENDING THAT GLORIFIES A CHARACTER'S SUICIDE!? SAYING THAT ITS OKAY HE DIED BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS STRONG AND EVENTUALLY GOT OVER IT!?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME—)

Sighs...

Ultimately, in the end, this ending was an utter mess of an execution. Ideas that Aka was clearly too committed to, never once seeing how fucked it was, and never changing course.

And honestly? The fact that he wrote such good shit before this, wrote what I would even describe as masterpieces... only serves to make this ending hurt that much more.

[skyfallscotland]

@heartfeltletters-written asked me 💥 How do you feel about criticism? and it felt like something that needed its own post, so here goes: the hypocrisy of critics in modern fandoms, an essay.

Criticism. I don't like getting it or giving it when it comes to writing. I struggle to even gently give it to friends, even when they ask me what I think of their work. Writing is such a personal thing that we pour our heart and soul into and like you say, many criticisms aren't necessarily valid. By that I mean, there's a difference between "Amy you use em dashes a lot babe" (I do) and "This story would have been so much better if Remi were a virgin" (actual criticism I have received, lmao). 

Unlike traditional authors, we will never make money from this, we do it for the love of it and it's time we will never get back. For some of us, it's time we could be working on our own original manuscripts too. I don't think people who give the second type of criticism are writers, generally. They don't understand the craft and what goes into it. Whenever I post and someone says a chapter was short or they immediately ask when the next one is, and that's all they say, I die inside a little. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard.

Personally, I think fandom behaviour is getting worse and that flows over into our comment sections and tumblr asks. I have a whole other dissertation on this that we’ll call ‘the slow death of fandom as we know it: an essay’, but that’s perhaps for another post. I don’t know how welcomed that commentary would be. 

You said the word ‘entitled’ in your original ask and I think that’s spot on. People have become more entitled in general and downright rude (which is not restricted to online spaces, by the way). I write for ACOTAR, but you’ve never seen me discuss it here because no matter what you say in that regard, you can’t win. Someone will always attack you and I do mean attack. Even in regards to Fourth Wing, I don't talk about my opinions a lot outside of my own little bubble of friends and readers.

And that's the kicker to this whole conversation, really. If I were to criticise Iron Flame/RY everyone would jump down my throat (as has happened on other platforms), even though I'd never say it to her face. Do I stand by my opinions? Absolutely. But it would be rude to tell her them, unless asked. I’m not allowed to (validly) criticise certain elements of her story, a published novel, without being attacked for it, but those same people are fine criticising my work directly to me. Hypocrisy at its finest.

There’s a new influx of people to fandom spaces who are completely unwilling to integrate and completely unwilling to be kind. You mentioned those who criticised your work could have saved themselves the trouble and read the tags, but the thing is: they don’t want to. They can’t be bothered to take five seconds and figure out how they work, to curate their own experience, because that’s what half these people are like. They want an algorithm to do it for them, gods help us.

For me, personally, I'm my biggest critic. I also have raging generalised anxiety, so just posting on the internet is enough to send me spiralling (seriously, I feel sick just typing this out). It's very, very out of my comfort zone and I've been very, very lucky so far to have cultivated the readership I have, full of very like-minded people. Perhaps due to some of the darker content matter. But the second I get harshly worded comments, I get upset.

I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just a fact. I get upset about it the same way I would if you were standing in front of me saying it to my face, and for someone with depression and anxiety, that lingers. I'm getting better at laughing at them, but it's like when someone tells you they don't like you and your mum says "just ignore them"—not that easy, right? 

So yeah, I don't mind if you want to tell me I use a lot of em dashes, or that I've used a word incorrectly in context, but I don't need to hear how much you hate original character fic when you could just use your last remaining braincell the back button and continue on with your day. Just be kind, is all I'm saying.