#i'm the biggest critic of my own work but i do like some of it i guess

[goddessinnerglow]

Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 15

The Power of Self-Talk

Hi Goddesses! Let's talk about something we all do every single day, often without realizing it, talking to ourselves. You know that little voice in your head that's always commenting on everything? Yeah, that one. Let's make it work for us instead of against us!

Think about it: would you talk to your best friend the way you sometimes talk to yourself? If you just had a mini "oh…" moment, you're not alone. I used to be the queen of harsh self-talk until I realized I was basically being a mean girl to myself 24/7.

So today, we're going to transform that inner critic into your biggest cheerleader. Not in a fake, toxic positivity way, but in a real, authentic way that actually sticks.

Let's look at how we can flip the script:

The Inner Dialogue Check-In

First, let's catch those thoughts! For just one hour today, try to notice your self-talk. No judgment, just observation. You might be surprised at what you hear. Are you:

Beating yourself up over tiny mistakes?

Comparing yourself to others?

Dismissing your achievements?

Using words like "always" and "never" about yourself?

The good news? Once you notice these patterns, you can start changing them.

The Language Swap Game

Here's a powerful trick: imagine your thoughts are text messages you can edit before sending. Let's practice some rewrites:

Instead of "I'm so stupid for making this mistake" Try: "I'm learning from this experience"

Instead of "I'll never be good enough" Try: "I'm growing and improving every day"

Instead of "Everyone else has it figured out except me" Try: "Everyone's on their own journey, and I'm exactly where I need to be"

The Mirror Exercise

This one might feel weird at first, but it works! Every morning when you look in the mirror:

Give yourself one genuine compliment

Say one thing you're proud of

Set one kind intention for the day

Start small, even a simple "Hey, I like your energy today" counts!

Building Your Confidence Playlist

Create a collection of phrases that make you feel strong. Your personal highlight reel might include:

Times you overcame challenges

Compliments you've received that felt truly meaningful

Your proudest moments

Little wins that made you smile

Keep these handy for when your inner critic gets too loud.

The Permission Slips Exercise

Write yourself permission slips, just like in school, but these are for:

Making mistakes and learning from them

Taking up space

Saying no without guilt

Being a work in progress

Changing your mind

The Reframe Game

When you catch a negative thought, ask yourself:

Would I say this to my best friend?

Is this thought helping or hurting me?

What would someone who loves me say instead?

What's a more balanced way to look at this?

Your Daily Self-Talk Rituals

Pick one or two of these to try:

Morning power phrases (said out loud!)

Gratitude check-ins with yourself

Evening appreciation moments

Celebratory self-high-fives (yes, really!)

The goal isn't to never have negative thoughts. It's to catch them, question them, and choose whether to believe them.

Your Challenge for today

Notice your self-talk patterns for one hour (set a timer if it helps!)

Pick ONE negative phrase you use often and write down a kinder alternative

Try the mirror challenge (even if it feels silly at first)

Remember, changing your inner dialogue is like learning a new language, it takes practice, patience, and lots of gentle reminders. You've got this, and more importantly, you deserve this!

See you tomorrow for Day 16!

♡ ☆:.｡ Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.｡ With love, Goddess Inner Glow.

[presidentkamala]

Rant about white leftists incoming:

As a progressive who's politically involved, I'm fascinated by the way that I see white leftists around me simp for and identify with white conservatives. I'm white too, but I'm trans and have lived in redder/purpler areas than a lot of these people have, and I just can't share their romanticism the same way. These white leftists often identify economically with rural white conservatives and do rightly point out that left wing economics would help these people. I also know a lot of liberals who would benefit from these things but curiously I never see leftists romanticizing impoverished liberals. The thing is, yes, sometimes conservatives will say things that sound very leftist. (Liberals will too, but I never see THAT discussed by them). And so they assume, then, that working class conservatives just need the Right Candidate to swing them over to the left. But as someone who's had to deal with these people (and has a political science degree, no biggie), white leftists fundamentally misunderstand these people on every level.

They want the benefits of good social services--*as long as not a single black person gets to have it*. These are the people who closed public pools so they didn't have to integrate them. They are willing to deprive themselves of anything as long as they don't have to share it with people of color. They are not with Trump because of "economic anxiety". They love the racism, the sexism, and are willing to suffer themselves if they're told an undocumented Mexican worker will suffer a little more. They were not duped into fascism, THEY ARE HERE FOR IT. When these people say they're alienated by Dem party elites they're not making insightful points about how the Dems are still too entangled in billionaires for my liking as well, they're talking about women, poc, and out LGBTQ people being successful when they're "not supposed to be" with some antisemitic overtones on top. These are people who have shot themselves in the foot so they can bleed on a liberal's carpet.

I don't want to believe anyone is hopeless--I don't! But deprogramming these people has to address their racism first. You are not going to cure these people by running Bernie Sanders. You are going to have to make them check their privileges and that 1950s America is never coming back, and that it shouldn't. They do not want leftism right now! They want privilege!

(Also these people will talk about how racist and imperialist this country is constantly, but when a black woman loses to a clown of a white man, suddenly America is completely blind to race and gender and Harris was just a bad candidate, acksually and what do you mean I need to check my racist and sexist biases I don't have those I'm Woke, remember? Because I own a hammer and sickle flag)

SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leftists will call liberals every bad name in the book and turn around immediately to lick cons' asses and try to woo them by throwing every single one of us under the bus. We need as many hands as possible to get us out of this quagmire but until leftists can make me understand how black women and jewish people are the "elite out of touch democratic establishment" i just dont think they have anything interesting to say.

And while almost all democratic voters have voiced criticisms of and conflicts w the party leadership, the slavish attachment to bernard is pure cult and grift and deceit from the left!! They're only just now realizing how badly they burned the rest of the anti-fascism coalition and are throwing the biggest tempy tanty ive ever seen. But you hit the nail on the head: they AND maga have the same problem which is a total refusal to grow the fuck up

[cuppajj]

You know, I just really, really want to say this. You are an exceptionally talented artist. I was genuinely surprised when you answered that one ask a while ago, saying you're self-taught. Because I truly, legitimately believed you were an art student or something lol. I'm honestly blown away by the fact that you're self-taught. That you figured all of this out all by yourself. Both your Cookie Run stuff and your original work. You should be proud, because I know it must've taken you a lot of time and hard work to get to where you are today. I both admire you greatly and envy you terribly (the latter stings a little to say, but it's true haha). I wish I could do what you can. You make it all look so easy... I wish I could say I'm your equal, but I'm far from it and I'm not sure how long it'll take for me to get there, or if I'll ever get there at all. But seeing what you're able to accomplish now is really rather inspiring. If you can do it, then maybe I can, too. Someday. Somehow. If only it could be today, though haha

Sorry if I sound weird or mushy, I've actually wanted to say this to you for a while now. I sincerely hope you find pride and joy in your art because you deserve to. Your drawings, your animations, even your writing. You're a jack of all trades haha. You're a very talented, creative, fun and hardworking person. And I wish you all the joy and success in the world, all the time. You've got something really great going here, keep it up for as long as you're able and willing to

Aww Merchant, that’s so sweet of you!!

I don’t often think of how far I’ve come mostly all by myself, let alone the message it can carry.. admittedly one of my biggest artist flaws is acknowledging my accomplishments haha, so this message really means a lot!

If I could give any advice for you:

Believe me when I felt like my art style was stagnating for the longest time, but I’ve come to learn that in just four years I’ve gone from having okay-but-mid art to making some pieces that impress the worst critic in myself!! And really the only thing that changed was my mindset. I stopped wanting to make high quality stuff every time and instead focused on the gradual grind. Commitment is what makes or breaks an artist.

And sadly, art is not easy. You’re going to hate how your art looks. You’re going to be envious of other artists. You’re going to compare yourself. I was like that once, still have those moments today. But the secret to truly feeling like your art is yours is to acknowledge that you’re constantly improving. Don’t call yourself an equal (or a superior or inferior) to anyone, because that implies there’s an established objective tier of artists with you below people you’re inspired by. Every artist has their own flow, their own starting point, their own ways of growing, which makes comparison unfair and more unhealthy than you think!

I’ve seen your redraw of Pepper Jack and Celestial Cheese, and your art has changed a lot within a year for the better. I think that’s a sign! The only difference between you and me is I started before you. But, that’s neither a right or a wrong thing, just a fact that has no effect on you.

I think the only goal an artist should have is learning to appreciate the art they make. I’m still reaching for that myself, and someday you’ll get there if you try! Just be less hard on yourself. Acknowledge where you are and where you were. And most importantly, keep at it! You might be surprised how much can change in another year

[gallapiech]

Give it up for art post number 3 for Highway of Hedoism!

[READ IT HERE]

+ some bts stuff because i enjoyyyyy doing that :)

Not much to comment on this one lol, it's a little rough I suppose. I think I prioritized quantity over quality here and that's definitely something I would've done differently if I could go back in time.

I'm still not sure it gets the image across? I hope it does. Sorry if it doesn't ehe...

I don't actually have a sketch for the outside one! I made it pretty fast and in one sitting lol.

a mimir. I loooove parallels! When we were discussing moments to be drawn I thought it would be really nice to have a little nod to their first time sharing a bed and seeing how much their relationship has changed over their journey!!

One of the issues I ran into while working on these is my struggle to keep the style consistent enough lol. ofc artists are their own biggest critics so maybe it bothers me more than it bothers everyone else ehe. In the end I do really like this one! Maybe a bit too cartoony? I hope it's not too distracting LOL!

I remember when we just started working on this I had asked Rory if they could get matching tattoos because I looooove that. But she was one step ahead of me and had already planned it hehehe ♥ We discussed some possibilities of their spelling qualities before settling on the current ones. I hope you enjoy the shoddy linework LOL I made sure to write them both with my non dominant hand. I also thought it would be funny if Ian wrote his name and then thought "fuck wait, i gotta add C for Clayton." And then quickly tried to squeeze it in. 🤣 (Also, once again me forgetting about clothing. Thank you Rory for reminding me about the bathrobe 🙏

Yeah. uh. I think mickey looks nice in this one :)

I think there will be one more art post after this one! The last one,,, aaahh! The end is nearing. I hope you're all enjoying the fic! I've been immensely enjoying reading everyone's reactions to it! Thank you so much for all your kind words ♥

[rainbowsky]

Hi RBS! I felt very moved and inspired by their individual stories and their love. So much that it’s given me more motivation in my own life, hoping to develop some of the amazing qualities I see in them. To be able to put in the dedication and work to be the best you can be, to fight for your passions and your person, and to pick yourself up after failure when you need to without letting it break you – that’s very much a person I’d like to be.

So I wanted to ask: Have they/their relationship inspired you in your on life?

Hi blah-bla-blah!

Far be it from me to answer a fun, simple question with a fun, simple answer! 😅

Thanks for the question, I hope you're well! You're right, those are good qualities to have, and I'm glad you've been inspired to become a better version of yourself.

I think this is an interesting question for every turtle to ponder. Not only is it fun/valuable to reflect on how GG and DD have inspired us, but I think it's equally important to have some self-reflection around what we get out of fandom and out of following them.

It's easy to get caught up in fandom and in beautiful pictures and exciting stories and lose sight of where we are in all of this.

I want to be a better person and live a better life, and I equally want to make sure I'm not doing anything harmful or losing sight of what's important both as an individual and as a fan.

So here's the honest truth on that.

The good

On a personal level, GG and DD have had a huge impact on my life and on my perspective. Most of that impact has been due to who they are, where they're from and what they create rather than anything to do with their relationship or 'their love'.

Yes, like most turtles I find GG and DD's devotion to each other and their incredible alignment and rapport with each other very unique, sweet and even entertaining - especially their bickering in multiple languages and through cryptic references - but that's not by any means the biggest impact they've had on me.

Probably because I define 'impacts' as 'factors that have changed something fundamentally about me or my life'.

Here are some of the most positive impacts:

Expanding my horizons

Since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've noticed that my world and my mind have expanded dramatically on multiple fronts. I have been inspired to dig deeply into Chinese social and political topics, history, culture, queer issues, human rights, etc. and I've become a bit of a scholar on all of that (and by 'scholar' I mean 'someone who strives to learn as much as possible' not 'someone who knows a lot').

And I have learned a lot about China and many topics as they pertain to China, but by extension I've also learned a lot more about that entire region of the world - the political, social and historical realities, the cities and geography, the languages and cultures, the landscape of queer rights, queer acceptance and queer culture, etc. And as someone who was already interested in Asian countries and cultures, it's been humbling to realize how little I actually knew/know.

It has enriched my life immeasurably to have these topics become a deep interest of mine.

Fan fiction

Another really great thing that's come out of my interest in GG and DD is that I've developed an appreciation for and an interest in fan fiction - which has in turn enriched my life in so many ways:

It's given me a new perspective on remixing culture and a newfound respect and admiration for one of the most maligned and marginalized art forms on the planet. I strongly feel most of the hate fanfic gets comes directly out of misogyny as channelled through the more socially acceptable vectors of queerphobia/kinkphobia. I can't help but compare remix culture in male-dominated musical spaces with remix culture in female-dominated fandom and literary spaces, and look critically at how differently they are treated in our society. How differently they are valued, perceived and discussed.

It has given me an entirely new insight into writing and into how to improve writing. Almost all the published material that exists in the world is heavily edited and highly polished, so that we're rarely put in a position to be exposed to a lot of amateur writing. Reading so much amateur - often somewhat raw - writing has enabled me to get a much fuller picture of the structures of storytelling and of what works and doesn't work for me, which has had a positive impact on my writing and on my attitude toward storytelling.

Reading a broad range of stories has really opened my mind about a lot of things I used to have a bit of a closed-minded attitude about. ABO, for example, used to creep me out. Now I find the ways this genre examines and subverts social structures extremely interesting and compelling (although there are still limits to my appreciation of the genre).

I've also learned more about myself and my kinks through reading fan fiction. I have had the occasional moment of self-discovery from reading stories that feature so many different relationships and dynamics, and that go to so many unique lengths to explore and subvert social and sexual norms. This is part of why I feel so strongly that the exploration people do via reading and writing fanfic is deeply important, even if authors and readers don't always set out to have a 'meaningful journey' when they write/read a particular story. And once an interest has been sparked, there are dozens, hundreds - in some cases even thousands - of stories to be found that explore or examine that angle/topic.

One good example of this is just the idea of romantic/sweet stories in general. I have never been particularly interested in such things. I consider myself to be pretty unromantic. I'm not even much of a romcom guy. My partner likes romcoms, and I generally just 'tolerate' them when he puts one on. If someone told me prior to getting into this fandom that one day I'd spend a lot of time reading romance stories I would have thought they were trolling me, but here I am voraciously reading about how a cafe barista meets a graphic designer and falls in love, or getting excited about the new ER doctor/single dad music teacher story or whatever. 😅

It has also given me an entire community of interesting people to connect with (and a whole new language/way of connecting) that I previously had no idea existed.

The vast majority of the fan fiction I read is WangXian fan fic, but I never in a million years would have started reading fan fic at all if it weren't for GG and DD and my interest in them.

Putting myself out there

I've talked a bit about this in the past, but blogging has been somewhat rehabilitative for me. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I don't generally put myself out there in a public way. IRL I'm quite private and even withdrawn. My interest in GG and DD has given me a venue for being more socially open without making me feel too socially unsafe.

As a result I've made a lot of new friends and I've been able to share my ideas in ways I've never been able to before. Especially on topics like this. I just can't imagine myself ever talking openly about some of the topics I talk about on my blog - particularly some of the topics that are stigmatized or considered to be 'feminine' topics - prior to getting into this fandom.

And because I've been discussing and sharing these topics for so many years, I've become much more comfortable with and open to discussing them IRL. Some of them, anyway. It's progress.

I've also discovered that there are ways to feel socially comfortable, confident and safe in the world. This is huge for me. As an autistic/ADHD queer person I have often felt uncomfortable in social situations, worried about whether I will be misunderstood or put my foot in my mouth. Here I've found people who have a lot of the same issues, and I've mostly been accepted for who I am (although of course I've also had a lot of hate thrown at me).

I've always had 'special interests', but I've rarely ever been able to fully explore them and share them with others. Tumblr has given me a platform/venue to do that, and it's made a huge difference to my life and to my self-acceptance around being different and around having deep interests that others find strange.

Overall, having this blog and sharing these interests has been a massive positive force in my life.

Self-acceptance

Another thing that GG and DD have given me is a better perspective on my own limitations and self-expectations. While a lot of fans say GG and DD inspire them to strive for more, achieve more, etc. - and they do for me as well to some degree - the bigger impact is that they remind me that not everyone is going to be a superstar, and that's OK.

GG and DD have both had support, opportunity and options that I simply didn't have and never will have. I talked about this in a bit more detail in an ask response back in 2020.

Given where I came from and the background I had my achievements are practically miraculous, but they're also very modest. When I look at GG and DD I remind myself of that, and I am able to be more forgiving and accepting toward myself for my perceived shortcomings and limitations.

There are other self-acceptance aspects to this as well. For example, I have always had an attachment to plushies. It's something that I just can't explain and have always been very ashamed and embarrassed about. I always have a favored plushie and I can't get to sleep without one, ever since I was a very small child.

Seeing GG in his airport photos many years ago, he would always be carrying a plushie. He also often had plushies around him in the video diaries that he would post. That meant a lot to me, and helped me heal some of the embarrassment and shame I have had throughout my life.

There are other things like this, often little things that have made me feel like it's okay to do this or it's okay to be that way. Some bigger things as well.

How about DD and his blunt honesty? This is something that I have been maligned for throughout my life. When I was a little little kid, my mother used to warn people who came to the house, "Be careful, he says what he thinks!"

Throughout my life, especially considering that I have been different from other people in ways that I can't always hide or fly under the radar about, there has frequently been a pitchfork-wielding sort of mob attitude toward how I express myself. I have often been misunderstood, singled out and demonized for simply being an honest person.

I see that this happens a lot to DD as well. People, especially people who are negatively predisposed to him for one reason or another, frequently interpret him as rude, or disrespectful, or savage. It's heartbreaking, because he's such a deeply respectful, kind-hearted person.

I cannot possibly overstate how much I treasure this about him, his personality and the way he expresses himself. I have felt like a horrible person for so long, and watching him makes me see myself through another lens and realize that I'm not that horrible person I've been taught to think of myself as.

So yeah, there are some personal ways that watching them has led to self-acceptance that I never thought I would find.

Other artists

Being a fan of GG and DD has exposed me to a lot of artists actors, musicians, etc that I would never have otherwise learned about. Some of whom are a huge inspiration to me in their own right (Seungyoun, Zhou Shen and Ayunga immediately come to mind).

This has been a huge blessing to my life. I feel so grateful for all of the new artists and creators that I have discovered through my love of GG and DD.

Turtles

Of course I cannot fail to mention all of the ways in which turtles inspire me. They are such a fun, humorous, mostly humble and sweet group of people. So much incredible creativity and so many people who are full of love and enthusiasm. All of the great works of charity that are done in GG and DD's names as well. Their ingenuity and cleverness and wit. C-turtles especially can be truly brilliant and hilarious in ways that are often totally new to me.

And turtles have brought this fascinating language of clownery, fake rumors, detective work and insightfulness that I find so enjoyable to be a part of.

The dolls. Let's not forget the dolls. I never would have thought that I would be interested in dolls at this stage in my life, but I absolutely love all of the dolls and the little outfits and the fictional GGDD offspring, Zhanbi and Bobi, all of pairings of all of their drama characters... It is all just so much fun to be a part of.

Turtles and GGDD have also helped me to get through some of the most difficult times of my entire life. Through deaths of people close to me, through a freaking pandemic, through wars and disasters and climate change and political horrors, through some pretty deep personal lows. I feel so grateful to have had GG and DD and all of my friends and fellow turtles who have helped me survive all this darkness, and who have shared a lot of the brightest moments with me.

The bad (and grey)

Like I just said, as a ND person I tend to get immersed in special interests, and while this fandom and this blog have mostly been a positive way for me to do that, there has been a downside to it. I spend a lot of time with these topics - not just GG and DD but all the topics that have sparked my interest via this fandom: Chinese/Asian politics and queer rights, fandom topics, fan fiction, etc. etc. - and this exploration inevitably happens at the expense of some of my other goals and interests.

I used to spend a lot of time on creative projects, for example, but it's been ages since I've worked on any projects, and even longer since I've finished one. There is only so much time in a day, and every hour I spend with fandom interests is an hour I don't have for something else.

It has also at times negatively impacted my relationships, and I've been actively trying to prioritize them more, which means even more sacrifices of other things.

That's why sometimes you'll see me be very active here, and other times I will be much less active. It's why I can start posts but have a hard time finishing them (my drafts folder is shocking, trust me - you'd be genuinely shocked at how many lengthy posts, reviews, years old ask responses, etc. that are nearly finished but not ready to publish).

I'm not great at finding balance with things like this, and I struggle to keep organized and focused, especially when I have outside demands being made of me that conflict with some of my other interests.

Anyone who's read my blog knows that I can be preachy at times. I'm aware of that, and I actively try not to be so tedious.

But I'm also a bit preachy in my life outside fandom, toward people who say and believe ridiculous shit about China/Chinese people. There's so much Sinophobic propaganda hammered into everyone in the West, it's appalling. I have always been intolerant of any whiff of racism or xenophobia in myself and those around me, but since becoming a fan of GG and DD I've become somewhat of an unapologetic asshole about these things.

I just get so sick of hearing anti-China commentary, I have no patience for it at all. NO, I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a China cheerleader. I'm actually pretty brutally critical of China on many levels - particularly of the CCP - and I cringe when I hear naive people parrot CCP propaganda. But it's kind of alarming how uncritically people accept what they are told about people and situations they know nothing about.

And yeah, on some levels this is a really good thing. People should be challenged on their incorrect or harmful ideas. But overall it's added some friction and conflict to my life that wasn't there before.

It's also fucked up my sleep a lot. As an insomniac and as an autistic person I need a very consistent sleep schedule - ideally one that aligns with the sleep/wake schedule of those around me - or a lot of bad things will happen for me.

Insomnia tends to have a snowball effect in my life, and if I don't get enough sleep one night it's twice as hard to get sleep the next night, and so on and so on. That in turn has a big negative impact on my ability to handle stress and overstimulation, to focus, to stay organized, etc..

Being a fan of Chinese superstars has mercilessly fucked with this on a regular basis. It's pretty hard to stick to a healthy sleep schedule when I'm following events that are happening in a distant time zone. I've become a lot better with this lately, but again - that comes at a sacrifice. When I'm getting 8 hours of sleep a night instead of 3, those hours have to come from somewhere.

The ugly

I have become a target for hate in ways that are often really hard to avoid. This is somewhat inevitable. Anyone who puts themselves out there in any way - no matter how well-intended - will find themselves the target of hate and harassment from someone somewhere.

And it just so happens that there are some features of this fandom that make it a particularly compelling target for some people. The fact that it's a fandom, the fact that it involves queer topics, the fact that it involves real people, the fact that there are rivalries, the fact that it involves discussing ideas some people might find challenging or offensive. The fact that so much of it is a matter of opinion, and I am daring to express mine.

And being targeted is difficult for me. I grew up being viciously bullied throughout my life. People used to call me names, throw stuff at me, spread hateful lies about me, even physically attack me, right from childhood into adulthood. Being different - especially where I was from - was not acceptable, and I was different in so many visible ways.

So while I've gotten much better at handling this kind of thing (and that should really be added to the 'good' list above), it isn't without its harms. Closing my anonymous inbox has massively improved things, but haters will unfortunately always be a fixture as long as I continue in this fandom.

Another impact that falls in the 'ugly' category for me is the fact that I almost never read non-fandom content anymore. I used to voraciously read literature and a wide range of non-fiction books, at a very high volume. I rarely do anymore. When I read it's usually fan fiction or else something fandom-related. I feel this has rotted my brain a bit, let's be real.

However, as I said before, fan fiction and this fandom in general has enriched my life in a lot of positive ways, so it's not all bad. But it does bother me.

It's just the way my brain is wired - it has become much harder for me to get into things that aren't directly related to my interests. I also find that fan fiction feels safe and soothing - something that I often need as a trauma survivor, autistic/ADHD person, etc.

I have to regularly evaluate where I am with all of this, and make adjustments to ensure I've got time for IRL commitments, 'regular' reading/viewing topics, etc. and that balance is not always easy.

What about love?

This is what a lot of turtles talk about when it comes to GG and DD, and I suppose it does apply to me here. They've definitely had an impact on how I view romance, and my own relationship.

I guess I could say I've become more patient and less complacent. I look at our disagreements more affectionately as bickering, and don't read too much into them or let them fester. I take more notice of our compatibilities and accomplishments.

I've always been the sort of person who needs/expects independence in a relationship. A relationship is always made up of individuals. I believe that two people who foster each other's independence and individuality are going to thrive and maintain their interest/satisfaction with each other better than those who focus unduly on the 'relationship' as some sort of third party entity.

It inspires me when I see GG and DD doing what I perceive to be the same thing. They're out there taking their own paths and doing their own things, while supporting and appreciating each other and sharing all the ways in which they're compatible. That's what a truly healthy relationship looks like IMHO.

I've always been this way myself, but watching GG and DD makes me appreciate it more than I used to. It also makes me want to protect and preserve that aspect of myself and my relationship, because I can see how important it is to a truly companionable, loving connection.

I think of DD saying, "Miss me later" and I laugh, because that's exactly how I am (yet according to GG he's 'more clingy than Jianguo' 😅). I think it's possible to go out in the world and live your life as an individual, while sharing a private internal world with someone you love. To me that's the ideal.

Some of the best for last

One of the biggest and best impacts GG and DD have had on me has come through their creative works. I can't overstate how much I love and appreciate the work they do. Especially their music, and for DD, his dance (although their acting projects have also been great to watch and follow).

It's often a source of frustration for me that the projects that have impacted me the most are the ones that I struggle to write about on my blog. With the exception of Stand Up and some other bits and pieces here and there, I don't think I've ever been able to fully articulate my feelings about the projects that have touched me the most.

I have a huge long post still in my drafts about Like the Sunshine. That is a song and dance performance that can't even re-watch or re-listen to because it hits me so hard. The song came out years ago and I still haven't finished that post.

Similarly, Hidden Blade was so inspiring to me in how DD tackled that role and really brought his character to life. I was completely blown away by that performance.

WM hit me like a freight train, and I really want and intend to write a full and thorough review of the entire album and all of the video content (and the physical album if/when it ever arrives), but I haven't been able to even make a proper start.

I also have so many feelings and thoughts about the career choices they have been making, especially DD, who I could not be prouder of. I have written a bit about some of that, but I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg of how much it all inspires me.

All I can say is, I'm here because I get something very important out of following them and out of sharing my thoughts and feelings about them. They both mean a hell of a lot to me, and I have a lot of fun and learn a lot of new things and see a lot of new perspectives that inspire me through being a fan of theirs.

I also just really appreciate all of you who read and engage with my blog, and who interact with me - whether to challenge me or praise me, either is fine. I just really value that a lot. I feel inspired by the ideas people share with me and by the opportunity to (hopefully) contribute in some way to a positive fandom experience for others.

And I have a few very close friends here who mean the world to me. I truly treasure all of them.

I could go on and on. This is a question that sparks a lot of thoughts and feelings.

I know this has gotten very long-winded, and I will understand if 90% of you have not gotten far enough to read this sentence, but to all of you (whether you got this far or not), thanks so much.

May we all continue to enjoy everything that GG and DD have brought into our lives, and all the ways that they have brought us together. 💛.

I would love it if my readers could share some of the ways that GG and DD and turtles have inspired you. I'd love to hear some of your stories!

There is a somewhat related post about how I deal with people's reactions IRL to my interest in fandom, which you can find here.

[girlchillout]

Original Sin: Prologue teaser I guess?

an: SO I have had this idea floating around in my head for a while and finally decided to type some of it out. BUT I haven't written anything for fun in like 10 years so I'm severely out of practice. ALSO NOT proofread and I write at like 5am on zero hours sleep so yeah prepare yourself.

-constructive criticism appreciated tbh

Summary: She had always known Caleb loved MC in a way he could never love her and it hurt. But it didn't hurt as much as the pain she knew she was causing both of them. All of them

After all, she is Patient 000. Professor Lucius' project and Ever's biggest secret. Zero's evol was a tool for control at their disposal. They didn't ask Zero when they needed her to wipe MC's memories. They didn't ask Zero when they needed her to do the same to Caleb's. But they punished her when she failed. And Caleb, well he punished her when he found out.

Warnings: self harm, depression, mental health, violence, blood

“STOP” he screamed hoarsely into the empty room.

The young boy wasn’t screaming at anyone in particular anymore, they had all left him alone now that they were done poking and prodding him. There was no one left for his small little fists to hit, there was no one to claw at, there was no one to hear him beg to stop hurting her. And so he clawed at his own face; he clawed away the endless stream of tears from his eyes leaving raw red marks in their place. He grabbed at his dark hair when the scratches he had been leaving on his face no longer hurt enough to numb the real pain he was feeling. And when that didn’t work either, he slammed his head into the stark white walls of the room enough times to draw blood.

This had become a routine for him now, each time he and the most important person in his life were forced into the facility they would always keep her longer than they kept him. The boy had no idea why they always took longer with her, but every second of not knowing what happened in that room was enough to drive him crazy. Knowing he couldn’t do anything to help her and knowing that she was there alone was enough for him to lose all reason. All he knew was that each time they finally released her, she would no longer remember his name.

“stop” a voice that wasn’t his whispered so quietly it could well have been his mind playing tricks on him. Perhaps he had finally banged his head against the wall too hard. He might have believed he imagined it had a hand not rested between his head and the wall. 

The boy, in the midst of his hysteria whipped his body around to grab the shoulders of the person who had entered the room without him noticing. He knew it wouldn’t be her- it was too early for them to release her and yet he couldn’t help the way his hands fell to his sides with disappointment when his eyes didn’t meet the beautiful brown eyes of the girl he had loved his whole life. 

Exhausted from the pain and no longer fuelled by the hope that she had returned, his body slid down the wall and slumped to the floor. He closed his eyes, dragging a hand over his face waiting for the person to speak first. Instead the room filled with silence, interrupted only by the person awkwardly shifting their body as if in hesitation before he felt them crouch down next to him. Neither of them spoke first as they sat next to each other pressed up against the wall. And when it seemed to the boy that he and this new person would be sitting in silence forever- or at least until the girl he loved was finally released, he felt a hand reach out and tap his arm softly. They boy’s eyes flickered open at the unexpected gentleness of the touch as he angled his body the face the one who had interrupted his descent into madness.

She was just a girl he realised as her small hand held out a green apple towards him.

“Who are you?” the boy asked taking the apple from the hand but not eating it. The girl didn’t look like she could do any harm but he didn’t trust a single soul in the facility.

The girl blinked up at him in response to his question, opening her mouth as if to say something and then slowly closing it. Eyes narrowed, he studied her closely. She looked around his age. The simple white pinafore and blue shirt she was dressed in meant she would have looked at home within the sterile walls of the room they were in, had it not been for the curls of her hair that had escaped the braid they had been forced into. His eyes finally landed on the silver nametag she had attached to her pinafore except where he should have found a name to answer his question- there was simply three zeros.

“Well I’m Caleb” the boy said after a pause. He had witnessed her internal battle and decided that the facility already knew more about him than he knew about himself so telling this random girl his name couldn’t hurt. 

After another pause, Caleb slowly held out his hand for the girl to shake. A smile crept up onto her face at his action as she eagerly took his hand in hers, moving their clasped hands up and down vigorously. 

And despite himself and everything else, Caleb couldn’t help but smile back.

[artbyblastweave]

🔥Punisher: Last Gun on Earth?

This ask is referring to the fairly-obscure 2010 zombie apocalypse Elseworld Marvel Universe Vs The Punisher by Jonathan Maberry, as well as the two prequels following Wolverine and Hawkeye at different points in the same timeline. I've been meaning to do a more comprehensive write-up on this for quite some time, as it was a series distinct from but very visibly in conversation with Marvel Zombies, which Maberry was also peripherally involved with. The elevator pitch is that a fuckup by the Punisher during a hit on the Russian Mob results in a cold war bioweapon getting into the biosphere, eventually turning almost the entire human population, and most of the superheroes, into adrenaline-fueled 28-days-later style rage zombies. Content Warning under the cut for discussions of racism

Despite its many, many flaws, there was a lot I enjoyed about this series, and alongside Marvel Zombies it had a not-insubstantial impact on my own aesthetic sensibilities, which I think probably comes through in a lot of my zombie artwork. The first mini, Marvel Universe Vs The Punisher, is a pastiche of I am Legend, with Frank Castle in the role of Robert Neville, an infected Deadpool in the role of Neville's abnormally sentient neighbor Ben Cortman, and with a zombified Spider-Man the white whale that he's spent five years hunting through the remains of Manhattan. Before I get into the rancid shit, I'm going to talk about what I enjoyed:

While the series succumbs to all-too-common Punisher Wank in terms of his efficacy in taking down a number of the A-list infected heroes, it ultimately comes out the other side as a pretty competent piece of character work for Frank; the series is grimly aware that a virus turning most of the human population into a shooting gallery of sadistic cannibal maniacs would be something like Valhalla for Frank, regardless of his pretensions to the contrary. Moreover, it's subtly implied that Frank's belief that he's immune is incorrect, and what's actually happening is that a virus that turns you into a vindictive, dogmatic maniac with a hardwired us-or-them mindset had no effect on him because he was already like that. There are ultimately revealed to be thousands of other survivors in New York, all of whom have spent five years studiously avoiding him because they think he's batshit insane. Even zombie Spider-Man, played up as the Biggest Bad, is ultimately revealed to have retained enough humanity to protect his uninfected family the entire time, whereas Frank is ultimately painted as unrelenting genocide machine whose psychological inability to give quarter ultimately makes him worse than the infected.

From there the series extrapolated some hilarious commentary on the genre as a whole; the zombie outbreak was going on for months before reaching critical mass, and nobody noticed because the baseline levels of random street violence and superpowered brawls are already so high in these settings that nobody realized a lot of the fights were occurring for rage-virus reasons until Spider-Man killed and ate a supervillain on live television. The whole series can be viewed through the lens of the usual spectacle-bait crisis-crossover contrived-battle-between-heroes routine, distilled to its purest form and escalated to the point of Ragnarök; the art frequently deliberately obfuscates which combatants are infected and which are uninfected people fighting for their lives. In this way it's playing with the pre-existing logic of the superhero genre in a way that Marvel Zombies didn't.

Maberry knows how to use Deadpool in a supporting character role without having him eat the entire goddamn thing. It's a fun dynamic!

Unlike Marvel Zombies, which was deliberately unconcerned with logistics as part of the gonzo fever-dream aesthetic, Maberry put some actual thought into a semi-plausible model by which a zombie virus could overrun a superhero setting. The responsible mutagen is air-and-waterborne, causing people to start turning at random months after being infected rather than through bites or fluid contact, and sneaks around healing factors because the mutations it causes are parsed as improvements rather than disease symptoms. Mass swarms of infected, unpowered civilians are as relevant, if not more relevant, than the superhumans are in spreading the infection, leading in turn to a lot of Left 4 dead styled set piece co-op fights like the one depicted above, and leading to the failure state that a superhero might be able to mince human wave attacks all day but at a certain point they'll have chewed through everyone they were ostensibly protecting by doing so, even if they themselves survive. This is a dynamic that, ultimately, only Frank Castle is really capable of thriving within, because with him it was never about protecting people, just hurting "bad" ones.

Which leads to another major positive points- the series is also a lot more concerned with rendering the setting's downward spiral. Eight prequel issues depicting the superhero community going down fighting over the course of months, rather than folding like a dixie cup in a trash compactor for horror value. Dead Days is the closest that Marvel Zombies ever got to rendering that same process, and while that was a very good oneshot it was still a deliberately compact one-shot. Here you get tableau after tableau of survivors throwing down with zombies. Unlikely alliances, second-string deep-cut z-listers crawling out of the woodwork- all interspersed with the growing realization among the protagonists that this is not business as usual, the status quo is not going to hold this time, it's just the actual apocalypse.

Here's Punisher, Hawkeye, Iron Fist and Black Cat trying to hold the Holland tunnel. Here's Dr. Bong, Howard the Duck Ruby Tuesday and Hit Monkey making a last stand in Central Park. This shit unironically kicks ass! This is what I think a lot of people are gesturing at when they say that they want to see a superheroes vs zombies story.

And, on that note, if you're going to tell this kind of story, Punisher, Wolverine and Hawkeye are objectively three of the best characters to have as the viewpoint characters- precisely the right level of competence and street-level scrappiness to survive without having a prayer of turning the tables outright. "Shit, Man, this superhero war is fucked-" the comic.

One additional minor thing I enjoyed about the series, aesthetically, is that while Marvel Zombies was a deliberately anachronistic mish-mash where every character was depicted in their most visually iconic outfits from across decades of publication, This series was very specifically working with the Marvel Universe status quo circa 2010 when it was published- The X-Men in San Francisco, Red Hulk on the Avengers, now-long-forgotten Avengers Academy kids in crowd shots. It grounds the narrative in a way Marvel Zombies was deliberately avoiding, acting as a snapshot and a time capsule in a neat way.

Now onto the two big things I didn't like about this series, the latter of which sinks it really really badly:

One: Caption Cancer. Maberry is one of those authors who I like on balance but who also often lapses into Talking Just To Talk. How many times does the navel-gazey running commentary in the above excerpts double back on itself, and how much is it actually saying- particularly when contrasted with the story told by the art and dialogue alone? Either he felt a need to fill the space (bad) or worse, he thought that these were some kind of deep and compelling rumination on the human condition. In general the balance of exposition to action in this thing were.... all over the place, not always integrated gracefully. The best sequences in the book are the ones where the captions just shut the fuck up so we can watch these people clobber each other. This is not a problem the original Marvel Zombies had- one thing I like about Kirkman is that he's usually a caption minimalist, letting the art and the dialogue do the heavy lifting. You don't get a page as quiet and decompressed as the following in the entire 12 issue run of Marvel Universe Vs.

Two: It's Racist. Like, really really racist. The comic continuously lapses into extremely racist imagery with the infected, using the visual language of "primitive savage tribes" with seemingly zero awareness of the real-life groups that those tropes were used to propagandize against and dehumanize. It's one thing to have zombies that take human body parts as trophies- that's kind of a cool motif- it's quite another to have a zombified Hulk who braids his hair in an obvious caricature of Native Americans, complete with feathers. What the fuck, Maberry!

Moreover it's a comically unforced error- everything compelling happens outside of that imagery, it's adding basically nothing but an attack surface to the premise. 28 days later did this basic premise without the racism, Left 4 Dead did this basic premise without the racism, The Crazies did this basic premise without the racism, Fucking Crossed did this basic premise without using the same racist visual language, at least until after Ennis left the book. Congratulations- you found a way to make the zombies more on-the-face racially insensitive than Garth Ennis. Round of Applause, everyone. This specific issue is why I don't think I've ever brought this book up in depth unprompted, it's genuinely really gross.

Anyway, those are my unified thoughts on the Marvel Universe Vs. trilogy, hope you enjoyed.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Peaceful property is a bl even if it's not. It's also about so many other things although not really delivering on a consistent message.

I thought about adding my thoughts to this thread but it was getting long and I started to get sidetracked so I decided to just make my own post about it and share my thoughts on it. @lurkingshan @bengiyo and @twig-tea all made good point about why this show is faltering with its own themes, and @respectthepetty made a compelling argument that the show knows what its doing.

I think no one is wrong and I land somewhere in the middle with it. As in, depending on what I choose to care about. Much like @respectthepetty, I am bias about this show. For different reasons tho. I like Tay and New a lot so I lead with that instead of my critical thinking. just as a personal aside, I tend to do this when my brain and heart don't align. I ignore when my brain tells me that the show is doing something wrong so that I can enjoy the rest. This works particularly well with QL for some reason. I am after all a person who liked Dangerous Romance even when my brain kept trying to damper my enjoyment with logic. And also sometimes I'm a hypocrite and there's no reason for why I like a show and not another. Ok, there's usually a reason but it's most often not a good one, or a rational one at least. That's just how it is.

Anyway. Because of all the excellent points made by that post I decided to fully engage my brain and I've been thinking about what this show is trying to say and I agree that unfinished business is the main thing in the ghost stories but I would have to shut off my brain completely to not see how class factors into all of it as well.

The ghosts up until now, except the chef, were all lower class and one can argue that it played a part in how they died or what happened after. I'm not including episode 7 for reasons that I will explain in a bit. Even if Ride's unfinished business was about love, the fact that he was the only rider doing deliveries in the rain, at least to me, read as he was driven by the need to make money in the first place. Even in the chef's case, the customer that Peach basically poisoned was rich and it was a part of the headlines about it and the reason for the restaurant getting shut down. Also most of the individual stories didn't get deep into these issues, case of the week usual issues, but it was always an underlying theme. Also as @twig-tea said all the parallels work even better because this disparity also exists between Home and Peach.

All this gets me to how I started this post. This is a bl even if it isn't. The choice to include the tragic bl storyline in the middle of this, in my own brain, can only be explained if I believe this is a bl. (The tragic bit was thematically consistent with this show.) Specifically a gmmtv bl. Cause ultimately they have a tendency to forsake narrative consistency if it stops serving the main romance. It's also the only way I can explain having a bl pair mirroring the other bl pair on screen. So in that way it's consistent with gmmtv. Just brush aside anything that can get in the way of the couple not having a happy ending. This is also how I explain my biggest issue with it. Pangpang. She's the shipper. She's been the shipper from basically the start.

Home basically killed her brother, why would she be the driving force in getting him forgiven? Because of my previously admitted bias, I forgave Home almost immediately. It's New and he didn't mean it, it was an accident and he wanted to call for help and do the right thing but his family interfered and.... I could come up with a lot of reasons because I want to forgive him. So everything else can be ignored. But all this obviously doesn't apply to Pang. So it can only be the bl in the not a bl show.

Now, on full brainy mode, this last episode makes no sense with everything else this show has been saying until now. They used a branded pair to ignore any class disparity between our mains, since the last ghost story didn't really parallel that, and over the forgiveness part, and jump straight into Peach has forgiven Home and will probably now become his saviour. Don't even get me started on the fact that Peach is still broke but saving the rich dude that turned his life to crap will be the most important thing right now. I wonder if gmmtv has ever ignored class disparity between a main couple and instead focused on the richer dude's drama while ignoring the struggle of the other one, all in favour of the main romance and lovey dovey moments 🤔. But I guess I'll reserve full judgement on that until the next episode.

yeah, so basically this is where I am at with this show. My two sides are fighting but come next wednesday my brain will take the back seat for 45 minutes so I can enjoy Tay and New and after that maybe I'll think about it some more.

[lenalenouilleisblogging]

2024 feminist movie retrospective ~ day 5

The second female-directed movie in this retrospective! I had no knowledge of the project before watching it, honestly i went to see this because I just really like Kate Winslet. So needless to say, I was very pleasantly surprised. No spoiler warning this time as it is a biopic. Dark content ahead.

Watched : October 19th in my city's main theater. The showing pretty packed.

Did I ever tell you gyns that history was my WORST subject at school? When I did my BAC (the big end of high school multi day exam in France) I got a 4 out of 20 (blaze it 🤪) in my history/geography exam. It was my WORST grade. I threw everything I had at the wall and wrote for about 20 minutes. I still had more than 3 hours to wait before I could leave the room, so I spent them delicately colouring the oceans in shades of blue on the world map of the geography exercise...

I got a lot better at history after school, but it's probably still the biggest hole in my personal knowledge. All that to say that I had no clue who Lee Miller was before watching this film. I cannot attest to this film's historical accuracy (tho I heard from more knowledgeable people that it's quite great on that front), only to its qualities as a piece of art.

This picture above is how the movie recreates the most famous legacy that Lee Miller left behind, a photo of herself bathing in Adolf Hitler's bathroom.

This woman was a model and photographer who became a war correspondent for British vogue during WW2. Her story is a story in the movie itself, because the narrative tool that the biopic uses is her son Anthony, who finds her old pictures in 1977 and reconstructs the story of Lee's career and life. The movie starts in the 30s in Europe, where she meets her british husband Roland. She moves to the UK with him and the two work in harmony with each other, happy. When things in Europe start to get really dicey, both try to do their part to help as much as possible from London. But Lee gets increasingly frustrated as her journal refuses to let her go to the continent in person to report. When she learns that french friends of hers (who are part of the resistance) have gone missing, it is the last straw. She uses her status as an USAmerican to power through the higher ups and goes to the continent with her assistant David. For two years, the two work amongst the desolation of war, culminating in the liberation of the camps, which they are the first to photograph. Miller was the only journalist on site when this happened, and her incredibly graphic pictures are still to this day some of the most detailed and precise images of the camps that we have.

I don't have much to say about the technical aspects of the film as it is pretty classic, very classic even. It doesn't set a new standard for war films OR biopics, but it does its job well. Director Ellen Kuras clearly knows her shit. If there's any criticism to make towards the movie, it's this. It's just competent and not groundbreaking, even tho it's about a woman's groundbreaking work. You might think that Lee Miller deserves better than a movie that does its job correctly. That they should have gone crazy with it. I understand the sentiment, i'm personally a bit on the fence. My personal philosophy is that we should judge movies by how well they do what they are trying to do. Not how well they do what we want to see or what brings in the most money. This is Kate Winslet's passion project that she's been trying to produce since 2015. She paid the last weeks of the team's work with her own money because of insufficient funds. The film was produced and directed by women and it was approved by Miller's son. All of these elements make the project very interesting to me, even if the cinematography isn't revolutionary. Also let's not kid ourselves. Movies aren't JUST for film festival goers. Most watchers wouldn't recognise revolutionary film-making if it kicked them in the groin.

To be fair, the pacing is not super great. (it's probably that film's biggest problem) I think a lot of fat during the first half could have been trimmed out in the editing room, but i found the second half so engaging that i can't be mad.

With all that being said, the movie has amazing moments. The 8min long sequence in the camps (undoubtedly the film's highlight) is not just harrowing because of its subject, it's very, very well made. First of all, i REALLY appreciate the film's soundtrack to know when to shut up. Nothing worse than an overbearing tear-jerker soundtrack to ruin a great scene. The lighting, framing, editing all come together with such intensity, you barely breathe through it. The cherry on top being the film's strongest element : the acting.

Kate Winslet is just fantastic during the whole film, and she sells even the least interesting parts. The cast had one big surprise tho, and that was her assistant David played by... ANDY SAMBERG??? When he first appeared on screen my mother and I looked at each other at the same time, both thinking "who the fuck made that decision?! What is HE doing here?". But fuck me i guess, his performance is so genuine, so intense, so powerful, and so out of nowhere considering the actor that we were gobsmacked. This guy is fucking GREAT. And as a jewish actor playing a jewish character, some of his lines made my throat tighten. You can tell he really cares. I hope to see him in more serious projects in the future.

As i explained at the beginning of this post, i went into this movie knowing nothing and expecting nothing. I was just aware that this was a war biopic. So i was really surprised to see just how much the film is about women and feminism.

It's a constant thread during the whole thing. Apart from David, all of the important and active characters are women. They constantly talk about their condition in a way that feels very reel and genuine, and the film highlights how important their sex is in their own personal stories. How they're treated, how they treat others. Sexual violence against women is never shown but is a constant theme.

When Lee and David arrive in a freshly liberated french town, Lee stops a soldier from assaulting a woman in an alley. What does the soldier say? "You think they'd be more grateful." When Lee explores the death camp, she finds a room full of women and girls, who have hid away with some bread distributed by the allied armies. When she sees how they recoil, she takes off her hat and takes her long hair out of her collar, and we see some of the tension in the room dissipate. One of the youngest girls remains stuck in a corner, and doesn't want to be approached. Lee takes a picture of her.

Towards the end of the film, when the higher ups at Vogue explains to her that they can't print her photographs, that the population is already traumatised enough and doesn't need to see these horrors, how people need to move on; this is what she thinks back on. She points to the picture of the girl, and asks "this beaten and raped girl, how is she gonna move on? Ever?" and breaks down into tears. Her last scene in the film (before it jumps back to her son in 1977) is her telling her female friend that she was raped by a family friend as a child, and that her mother, deeply ashamed, told her never to speak of it. So she didn't until that day.

This is the main message of the film. Women and girls are subjected to unbelievable things in times of war AND in times of peace. They're not safe with men they should be able to trust, they're not safe with their allies, they're not safe with the men who are supposed to save them. This is such a rare subject for a war movie, or indeed any movie, to tackle.

As a rape and CSA survivor who also happens to be a blackpilled radfem, i wasn't very surprised by that final "reveal". Much like with yesterday's film. I felt something like this coming. Not to say that it didn't touch me! On the contrary, i was in shambles at the end of the film.

Final rating : ANDYSAMBERG?!?!/10

Lee isn't the best film of the year. It's not even the best holocaust movie of the year. (see: day 2 of my retrospective) But it is, i think, the best feminist film of the year. On top of that, it has great music, great acting, it feels very authentic (THANK YOU for hiring french actors for the french parts), it's educative, and it made me learn about a modern hero i had never heard about. Long live Lee Miller.

This film gets the official Léna seal of approval. Here's a link to the trailer. (i might have gotten a few story details wrong, but i haven't seen this film since it came out, and it's 2h long and pretty dense. Sorry!)

[jesncin]

If you had to rank all the justice league fams ( superfam, batfam, martianfam, etc ) from least favorite to most favorite, how would you do it ?

Ooh I'm not familiar with all the cape-fams that well so I don't know how much of a proper ranking I can do, so here's just a random vibes tier list:

Martianfam: In canon (i guess this consists of just J'onn and M'gann, Jem if we're reaching), they're a mess. I'll save this for the 2nd part of the upcoming Ma'al essay, but Martianfam's biggest problem is having undefined relationships that don't take advantage of a proper family dynamic. Canonically F tier. However,,,I'm obsessed with my version of Martianfam so that bias puts Martianfam in theoretical S tier.

Superfam: So much potential in this fam to be generational immigrant/diaspora angst and tension only for canon to be so uncreative with the legacy characters (minus Kong Kenan). This fam suffers from overreliance on clones and alternate universe versions of existing characters tied to Clark's Kryptonian genes (the adopted twins, Kong, and the Steels are a good change of pace). Jon and Conner (and sometimes even Kara) are suffering being, what I like to call, a "Clark Kent factory product". They're too scared to make these boys different from dad. Conner Superboy is in limbo with Jon taking over. What is going on with Powergirl being infantilized now. However,,, if the immigrant allegory was critically applied to Superfam? Theoretical S tier. Canonically C tier.

Batfam: Undoubtedly the strongest of the cape-fams in DC. Even with their flaws and how they've been modernized, this is still the blueprint. What's there cultivates an intense fanbase and there's such a diversity in the backgrounds of each Batfam member and how they evolved. Each member has a unique relationship with Bruce, many characters are capable of sustaining their own solos, they have relationships with each other, gosh it's a lot. I'm affectionately putting this in A tier, shaving some points off for stuff like erasing Babs' disability, characters like Steph but especially Duke being sidelined, the girls being infantilized as the boys get to grow into men, whitewashing Damian, etc.

Wonderfam: I can only speak based on vibes here, but gosh you deserve so much better, Wonderfam. I feel like each member should deeply explore a new facet of womanhood different from Diana to freshen up each time a new legacy character joins the Wonderfam (Nubia's great at this from what I've seen). I love that this fam includes Themyscirans and sometimes ordinary girls (even if that gets retconned a bunch). I eyeroll from a distance whenever it's really obvious that the male-dominated writers of DC try adding men into Wonderfam as a means of focusing attention away from women (cough Diana's bro). But also. Kick Trinity out of Wonderfam. I have never seen a character so universally behated but I get it. Unfortunately D tier. I want better for this fam though.

GL fam: Really good! They're a unique fam in that being a part of the GL corp means being a part of the fam, so you get people from all sorts of backgrounds that don't have to be related to a main character. Theoretically this can even extend to other lantern colors whenever the GLs team up with baddies like Razer or Sinestro. You can arrange different groups or pairs of GLs to form their own Star-Trek esque team. And that's such a fun time when that happens. I'm not in GL fandom enough to know the nuances of some narrative flaws or anything, so I'm giving the GL fam a vibes based S tier. They just work! And they're unique while doing it.

Flashfam: I can only speak based on vibes here but whatever's going on with Flash fam just looks like such a fun time. From what I've seen and read, so many of the characters are funny and endearing. I love that there are many twins in this fam. That's just a bias for me. My biggest nitpick with Flashfam is that it suffers from over-convoluted origin stories. That's kind of a problem baked into the dough when your powers intersect with time travel, but it adds a layer of inaccessibility when some of the character's backstories are so convoluted. Vibes based B tier.

Aquafam: Mostly vibes based impression again since I don't really go here but I've met the characters a good amount of times. Arthur has a special theoretical space in my heart as someone borne of two cultures. We're here for that mixed diaspora struggle. I enjoy the rivalry he has with his brother, I think Mera has a lot of potential as a love interest and wifeguy (and she has an evil twin so, bonus in my book), and aquababy. Hah. I enjoy the many ways Aqualad has been reinterpreted across media. However! Kaldur/Jackson is definitely the most interesting addition to the family, imo! I'm all for villains or villain-adjacent characters being on Team Hero. I also like Black Manta. Petty baddie we respect. Uuh vibes based B tier. I'll theoretically bump this up to S tier if all Aquafam members walked out of the ocean to the H20 "Just Add Water" theme song.

Arrowfam: I'm embarrassingly unknowledgeable with Arrowfam members so we're doing vibes. On vibes they're like Batfam adjacent but sound way more interesting. Oliver Queen is a great messy character, and I like seeing each member have a different complex relationship to him. I'm very endeared to Roy/Arsenal/Speedy, his villain will-they-won't-they romance and baby dad plot is inherently interesting. I also love Connor Hawke!! Blasian ace king fr. And I adore Black Canary. She has so much going on and still checks in on this fam too. Idk if it's controversial of me, but A tier based on vibes.

Constantinefam: SIKE this loser doesn't have friends or family they're all dead. S tier. If DC is pushing DC!Johnstantine into a family or partnership dynamic with JL Dark, Zatanna, or Xanthe Zhou? Theoretical F tier.

Haha this was fun to write, thank you for the fun ask! Nice to ramble about the various fams of the DC world.

[lurkingshan]

why do you continue to watch gmmtv shows when you clearly don’t enjoy them?

This is the kind of rude, cowardly anonymous ask that I would typically just delete, but I’m in the mood to be generous so I will respond and use it as an educational moment.

I have to start by rejecting your premise. I enjoy plenty of GMMTV shows. My favorite Thai bl of this year is Cherry Magic Thailand. I wrote quite lovingly about it on this hellsite for 12 weeks. I was also a big fan of Cooking Crush and The Trainee this year, Kidnap is giving me joy weekly, and I’m currently in the midst of a really interesting discussion with people far more mature than you about Peaceful Property. GMMTV is also responsible for some of my all time favorite Thai shows including Bad Buddy, 3 Will Be Free, Midnight Museum, Theory of Love, Moonlight Chicken, and Dark Blue Kiss, and many more besides that I liked a lot. You don't know me. You have made the mistake of assuming that because you’ve seen a small fraction of my posts about specific things, you know what I think about all kinds of things. But as my beloved departed grandfather loved to say, when you assume you make an ass out of u and me. 

So with that out of the way, let’s get to the real question underneath your logical fallacy: why don’t I keep my mouth shut instead of posting about the flaws I observe in these shows? There are a number of reasons for that.

First, I am extremely open about the fact that I am interested in the art and science of narrative storytelling, and I often post about it from a critical lens. This is all in the pinned post at the top of my blog, but I doubt someone with your lack of manners bothered to look there before sending me this ask. 

Second, I don’t believe in the popular fandom idea that all meta discussion of shows should be positive and centered on stanning for actors or pairs and their shows. That's a fine pursuit for folks who enjoy engaging with media that way, but I personally find that boring and intellectually empty, and have very little interest in it. I like to learn from the things I enjoy, and you can't learn if you're not willing to think critically about why something in a story may or may not be working.

Third, my favorite thing about watching media is discussing it with like-minded people, and the way to find like-minded people is to share your honest feelings about what you're watching. I have made some of the best friends of my life by posting my unfiltered thoughts about whatever I'm watching in various social media spaces, and having people come and say "hey, me too" or "I don't quite agree but what an interesting thought." We connect with others through sharing our thoughts and feelings. If you censor yourself in fandom spaces, you will not find your people.

Fourth, on the specific topic of GMMTV: they are the largest and best resourced ql-producing studio in the biggest ql-producing country, and part of a giant media conglomerate that controls much of the media in Thailand. Their shows matter in terms of the influence they have over the rest of the industry, and so the messages they send with their shows also matter. I will never ignore them completely even when I choose not to watch some of their shows, because where they go, the larger ql industry follows. When I see a trend in their shows that is harmful, like, say, the repeated use of marginalized identities for marketing their shows that they then disrespect in the way the stories are executed, that needs to be pointed out and examined, and I am hardly the only one doing so.

I'll end by asking you a question, anon: what did you hope to accomplish by sending me this ask? Unlike many of the other folks who have been engaging in critical discussion with me over the last couple days, you had nothing constructive to say. You didn't put forward an interpretation or share your own feelings, you didn't contribute to the collective analysis process, and you didn't offer any commiseration or even a clear disagreement with anything I said. From where I'm sitting, your only intent was to attempt to shame me for speaking. You will never be successful at that, and it's a pretty ugly impulse that you should examine in yourself. When you find yourself being awful to real human beings because you can't manage your emotions about fictional media, it's time to think about what you're doing here. I hope you'll reflect on that, and take good care.

[meirathinks]

⊹ ♡₊˚๑ 𝙀𝘼𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙊𝙐𝙏 ! ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

chef!Sukuna headcannons

okay. I know I haven't posted anything in like a year. and I know I'm a little rusty so bare with me ok😭 I'm sorry for the wait! Reader was intended to be black but I don't describe any features. lmk if I should turn this into a fic!!

Warnings: none!!

Chef!Sukuna is one of the world's biggest assholes. SURE he graduated top of his class AND SURE! The waitlist for his restaurant is so, ridiculously long. But his personality? Awful. 

He’s known for his near godly knife skills. He can chop an onion in ten seconds. He’s pretty sure it’s a world record.

His own staff is so, so terrified of him. The new kid, who’s bright-eyed and fresh out of culinary school, who was beyond excited to work at a Michelin-star restaurant quits on his first day.

(he cried on his walk home)

Sukuna leans into the back of his chair, while Uruame lets out an uncharacteristically loud sigh from their spot at the door. 

They step closer into the room while speaking, “You can’t keep a Junior chef for more than six hours—”

Sukuna groans, “Calm down— your job is to be my sous. Act like it.”

He puts his feet up on the peeling wood desk in front of him, deftly ignoring several receipts that were strewn on it.

Uruame nods, before leaving.

Sukuna wasn’t in the wrong you know, the junior chef should’ve known the difference between sauté and panfrying. 

He groans while moving to leave his office— he had prep to do. 

He’s worked hard to get where he is— to make his restaurant as good as it is. He designed the kitchen himself. He chose each appliance meticulously and placed them in the space deliberately

The delivery and food-prep and pastry sections are in specific parts of the kitchen, they cater to the menu.

Speaking of the menu. You cannot tell me that he didn’t lock himself in his apartment with pots and pans strewn everywhere. 

He’d have a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and his hair would be a little dishevelled

But, he finally figured out that what his main dish needed was an acid. 

He’d have a rare, genuine smile on his face while he runs his hand through his hair. He’ll take another bite and excitedly drum his fingers on his kitchen countertop. He’s good. He knows he’s good. 

Sukuna’s leaning on the host station with a pencil in hand reviewing the guest list for that night’s dinner. His eyebrows raise at your name— which is circled in red marker angrily. He shouts to Uraume, who’s at the back prepping.

“What’s the red marker for.”

“We have a food critic coming in tonight.”

Sukuna scoffs, “We always have food critics coming in.”

“This one’s different.”

Yeah right.

For the head chef, and owner of a michelin star restaurant— Sukuna is relaxed. 

He’ll wear a white button up and some black slacks and the days he’s expected to work front of house. But his sleeves will be rolled high on his forearms and there’s always this dismissive look in his eyes

He doesn’t have to be some kiss ass— his food speaks for itself. 

People waited months to get into his restaurant for his food, not to have a conversation with him. 

The first thing Sukuna realizes is that you take a laughably short time looking at the menu. From what he can see from the host station, you’re looking at it out of graciousness than necessity. 

He walks over, ready to take your order. He nearly laughs when he notices that your notepad already has writing on it. 

You’re looking up at him through the low light of the restaurant. It’s tinged red. Like a night club you think. Tacky. 

“Hi,” You smile, “I’m surprised I’m being served by the Sukuna.”

“Yeah— it’s a slow day.”

You hum, “And here I was, thinking that you were out here just for me.”

He laughs. It’s this loud, low and smoothe. “I can hear your heart breaking from here.”

“Let’s start with the focaccia.” Your voice is a little shaky. He likes the sound of it.

He walks to the kitchen with a familiar grin on his face. 

Food critic his ass— you’re in love with him. He can tell. 

Chef!Sukuna who’s never had a negative review. Ever.

GQ. The New York Times. The Washington Post. Critics become regulars— they want an excuse to chat Sukuna (even if he doesn’t entertain it)

He’s earned a name for himself in the food scene, you know. People love him whether they like it or not. 

This was just the start too— he’ll open more restaurants, maybe something more formal. He thinks of himself as an immovable object or an unstoppable force or whatever is in those management books Uraume reads

So, imagine his surprise when Uruame forwards an article to him at 11:54 pm on a thursday.

Especially when he sees that you wrote the article. 

And that you gave the restaurant a 3 out of 5

A three out of fucking five.

Sukuna was going to kill someone. You, preferably. 

[hwnglx]

Can i request a reading of enhypen’s ni-ki off cam personality? And his views when it comes to relationships (platonic and romantic)?

i will be doing the second question in another post, maybe even in a collective one for the full group 🤭 enjoy the read

niki's real personality behind the scenes

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

3ow&su, 9osw&5op, 10op, pagosw, 7op&to bod: 4osw + off cam, niki is someone pretty open-minded. i'm getting this huge desire to expand his views and beliefs, big interest in experiencing things that are very foreign and new to him. he definitely loves a challenge and feels his best when he can just go somewhere else, whether that's physically or mentally. does he enjoy travelling in his free time? if he doesn't do it, he definitely wants to. he likes getting his mind off life sometimes, and just exploring different cultures, or even hearing stories about people's lives completely different to him. he finds it very interesting and intriguing.

one thing that's a constant for niki, is this boy lives to work. it's interesting, because despite this being a reading on him off cam, even behind the scenes i can see work occupying most of his mind. he's been exposed to the industry since he was so young, it's pretty much all he's known till now, so it's almost like the easiest thing in the world for him to remain career-focused. it's when he feels he's at his best, and most comfortable. in contrast, when not working is when he can quickly get into a more tense headspace and start overthinking. he's the type who needs to stay busy, in order to distract himself from his own thoughts, since he can be a huge overthinker, especially in regards to himself. i can just see him obsessing over doing everything perfectly, and himself being his own biggest critic. (is this boy an earth rising? he kinda looks like one too) but he has extremely professional and surprisingly mature energy in regards to his career. honestly blew my mind to remember he just turned 18 and could teach some older idols a few things concerning their attitude at work.

niki is also a person who is much more observant than we realize. he's someone with a quick wit and clever mind, a person who basically lives in his head. very very smart boy, much more intelligent and insightful than some people think. there is this self-aware and self-reflective quality to him, where he can quickly pick up on his mistakes, and is always open to changing. literally, he doesn't mind completely tearing down some habits, if that means he'll improve. he's always looking to reach his best potential, and is firm in his mentality.

to give you an example, he definitely had and sometimes still has the habit of being very sharp-tongued. sometimes he just says things that can easily hurt people, and this is something he's very aware of. he doesn't just brush it off like "whatever, guess that's what i'm like" no, he will definitely reflect on his behavior once he gets some time to think and put in effort to improve. especially because he himself is much more easily hurt than others think, even he himself doesn't always seem to acknowledge his more sensitive side. so there is this subconscious thought of "i can't be like this."

in general though, niki is just very chill and laidback. he truly doesn't like drama, doesn't enjoy conflicts, just wants to stay low-key and do what he has to do. i can see his hyungs fighting like cats and dogs while he's sitting there on his phone completely unfazed by what's going on. he doesn't enjoy being consumed by negative energy, since this can get his emotions to bubble up and truly mess him up sometimes, so he keeps himself out of situations as much as he can. could definitely seem kinda self-absorbed to some people, but he's just very protective of his own energy.

whe&3oc, sta, pagow, 7oc, pagoc, 4osw&acop, bod: 9op

- he just lives in his own little world and bubble, to an excessive extent. pretty selective about who he calls his friends, and truly doesn't seem to be very invested or even interested in putting effort into maintaining friendships. is he the member who just never answers on katalk and doesn't really react in the enha groupchat lol, like a ghost? that's the vibe he's giving. unbothered about others, puts more thought into matters about himself and his own life. if it doesn't concern him, he doesn't truly care. i see this pattern a lot for people who are incredibly absorbent to others' feelings and energy, often for significant pisces placements (esp ☾) they're so easily consumed by that, it's a self-protective mechanism in order to shield themselves from any sort of hurt.

niki still struggles to truly acknowledge and appreciate his more softer and emotional side. that's when he feels more awkward and insecure, it's a part of himself he's not comfortable with. he doesn't enjoy getting emotional, since he fears the loss of control over himself, he gets worried about just saying or doing things out of pure emotion and messing things up not only for himself, but others too. i keep getting this feeling of him really hating to hurt people, he feels guilt pretty quickly. and in his eyes it often happens whenever his emotions take over him, like he just isn't himself. so, he prefers to not even put himself into situations where this is a possibility, and just runs away from his feelings, as well as people who can bring that emotional side out in him. i can see he can probably get more emotionally attached than he'd want to, and that can scare him off. he doesn't like people thinking he's dependant on them.

there definitely is an arrogant quality to the way he carries himself off cam. he gives off this vibe of knowing how good he is, and people can quickly perceive that as being conceited and full of himself, especially if they feel threatened by that confidence. however, much of that is just fierce self awareness. he holds himself up to insanely high standards, and can feel overwhelmingly insecure if he doesn't meet them.

if you aren't of any use to him, it's unlikely niki will entertain your attendance for very long. as previously said, he carefully selects who he gives his time and energy to, and much of this is based on what that certain connection can do for him. he's just very self-centered, which can easily make people feel like he doesn't give a damn about anyone, and sometimes even hurt or disappointment them. he seems to have this mentality of "we all live and die alone anyway" so he'd prefer to nurture and take care of his own self rather than putting much effort into others. he goes through life thinking we all have to be more selfish in order to succeed. "no one is going to live life for me, so i might as well do it for myself." is what i hear.

[dethroned-by-ghosts]

The Women of Trigun 98

People need to understand how ahead of its time trigun 98 is in regards to women and their portrayal. You can't keep looking at modern media and comparing it. It's the 90s. It was a different feminist movement back then. Back then women wanted to be seen. Wanted to be taken seriously and handle jobs previously titled for men only.

Below is a review of every single episode (all 26) of trigun 98 and how women are depicted in each one. I also added a summary on Wolfwood and Vash.

I'm gonna add the conclusion here too, as a tldr:

In the end, I think I’m just happy that the 98 anime was written and done the way that it was. I’m glad that I wasn’t disappointed by it. I’m genuinely so happy that it has all of these 90s elements without having the uncomfortableness that comes from watching an old anime with outdated thoughts and views on women and society. I think people need to look at it more critically and see how much it gives to the women in the series, in some instances it’s even more than the manga just because they had the time and space to stretch out and expand more. I hate seeing it discredited, or seeing people characterize 98 Vash and Wolfwood as “weird”. My feeling is that this is a collective reflection of people’s view on 90s anime, and not an actual analysis or conclusion from the 98 anime itself. I want people to be able to appreciate what 98 actually gave us. It’s not cheap, it’s not superficial, it’s a deconstruction on many levels, and a good interpretation of the manga and story of trigun.

Everyone is of course entitled to their opinions and thoughts, I’m not out here asking anyone to love 98, I’m just asking that people stop throwing it under the bus for no reason other than a time-era bias that doesn’t even hold true when you actually analyze the content of the anime.

Warning that this is 10k long all together, sectioned into the episodes:

Episode 1. Look at Meryl and Milly, out in the wild, two women on their own, no man around them, tasked with tracking down and containing the one legendary and terrifying gunman, the Humanoid Typhoon, the man who single handedly destroyed one of the biggest cities on the planet. They alone are tasked with this. Not only this, the 98 introduction for them is the "classic" bar scene joke. The men pointedly state "for this gag to work, you gotta-" they are literally breaking down and defying this misogynistic gag in episode one and showing you how strong and scary Milly is. How cool and collected Meryl is. Attributes associated with male lead characters. We also get introduced to how much power they have on their own. It’s something else to have a shounen show open with their two main female support leads being fearless from a bar full of men and then scaring the men trying to demean them. The show literally opens and tells you this isn’t your regular show. Meryl and Milly are powerful. Milly carries a giant heavy stun gun. Meryl carries 50(?) guns on her cape, she carries that daily on her back, she walks around like that weight on her back is nothing, it drapes to her shins! These weapons aren’t just for show, they know how to use them. But what I like is they’re not just badass, they have such a vibrant personality!! They keep approaching “Vash” despite rumors, despite how unsure they are, they have that courage and perseverance to them, and they’re going to do a good job no matter what.

Episode 2, Marianne. Posing as an innocent sheltered girl. She's not. She's a cop. She's on a covert mission. She is fighting for everyone's rights here. She's a good cop. She never needed Vash's help. She never even needed to be in any of the random romance situations. This also isn’t the first or the last time we see women showcased in the 98 anime as fully capable fighters who stand on their own. Vash being all love struck was also just his way to get closer and address her wound, inquire about what was going on. Was he disrespecting women? Did he cross any boundaries he shouldn't? no. The ‘peeping tom’ gag is in this episode, yes, but the intentions were for the injury, and the animators didn’t give the watchers anything either, there’s no reward for the gag (instead you get Milly being very perspective and lovely). Did Marianne express being uncomfortable and he pushed ahead ignoring her comforts? no. A full episode for one random woman not mentioned in the manga, they just dedicated it to her to build on the tone of the manga and Vash's values. (I need to rewatch it to address meryl and milly here, i'm sorry)

Episode 3, we have a lady being THE bartender and master of that space. Is she being mistreated and demeaned? no, she kicks you out immediately. She takes no slander and no drunkards. She is the master of her space. She dictates what happens there. She also clearly tells Frank that she's upset with him, but also never calls him out as Frank in front of others, because she and the rest of the town still hold up their pride of housing him in their midst.

Episode 4, we have a daughter learn about the atrocities her father has done. She is a spoiled girl. She lives in luxury. She gambles (gasp, shock, booing, omg you don't like women being lazy and as bad as men? wow, where did your equal rights go). She learns that she has been living off of money stolen from the lives of others. She doesn't look away from that reality. She's a gambler, remember. She doesn't escape out of it. She looks that truth head on and vows to do something about it, to fix what was done. She also doesn't forsake her father, (and to my memory, her dad also didn't forsake her? either way not the primary point). She stands on her own and makes her own decision regardless of her father.

Episode 5, and I'll admit that my memory of this is primarily from the manga, but Rosa and her lady friends are the ones that hold down Vash and corner him. It’s primarily a group of young women. It’s a mom that gives the speech about capturing Vash for the money needed to help the plant survive, so that her sick son can get better. It was a young girl who delivered the message of capturing Vash to the mayor. This is all being done by the women for the town, for each other.. You have to understand the subtle details that are uplifting women here. It’s a 90s show, it will be subtle about this. That’s how the culture was, women were still laying down the groundwork here. It was brief, but they actually had nearly forced Vash to make a stand and do something, had they not been interrupted. That's a whole town failing and 4-5 women winning, had the mayor not released the Nebraska family.

Episode 6, oh my freakin gosh episode 6. Elizabeth, a gorgeous woman. She is not touted around for her beauty, but her intellect and her own hard work that placed her as a plant engineer, though she uses that aspect of herself (beauty and looks) for her ends and goals, and that is feminism too, idk what to tell you. Femme fatale, whatever you wanna call it. I don't care. 98 made the effort to go out of their way to tell you a story from a survivor of the most atrocious event humanity witnessed in its brief history on that planet. If I may be so bold, this is one of the best additions to all the trigun media currently out. We don’t just see a survivor trying to take revenge, we get a full in-depth dive into who she is. They took the time to show you the grief and loss witnessed by one small girl. She’s very complex in that regard, especially for a one-episode story character. All she went through to find the culprit and avenge her parents, her life. She is taking the path of vengeance, yes, but she is also here because of her hard work and efforts to survive. Did she nearly forsake an entire town herself? yes!!! Women's wrongs!!!! OMG!!!! But here’s the thing, though, they go as far as showing how she recognized Vash as the same person who comforted her, however briefly, in the ruins of July. It’s the complexity of meeting your hero or source of hope/good in a bleaker memory, and realizing they were also the cause of the suffering. She knows this man helped her. She knows she wants to, but can’t harm him. She knows that what she was about to go through was the same as what had happened to her, but here she gets, at least, some sort of resolution. That her whole life, one way or the other, she’d gotten stronger and smarter and navigated life with a goal in mind, but now she gets to move on from it, we never know. It’s implied. Vash doesn’t absolve her from anything either, he acknowledges her pain, acknowledges the hurt he has caused her, one way or the other, despite not knowing or remembering anything of the truth. She has to take his truth and believe what she must to move on.

Episode 7, not too much to say, except the resourcefulness of Meryl and Milly despite not being properly funded by their jobs sndkfjvbsdkfhd not the greatest moment, but they are so resourceful i love them

Episode 8, Hallelujah, the girls are there to save Vash. He'd be a piece of toast with bullet holes if not for them stopping BDN. They also help Vash while he's injured. Also we get introduced to Rem. Is she the motherly saintly figure? yeah yeah sure, but who is following her every principle and guidance and outlook on life? a man and the main character of the show. Vash. Her philosophy of pacifism, something so often associated to women and their ‘aversion of violence’, their ‘nature’ to care and nurture… he’s the one taking it up, he’s the one who is looking at the world through her eyes, her outlook on life, and tries to show others how it can be seen as well. The show isn’t conceited, it genuinely is taking so many ideas and concepts that are generally subconsciously associated with women or ingrained misogyny and deconstructing it to show the viewers why these women are amazing.

Episode 9, a single mom with two kids. not much here, but it's rep and we love rep. Oh! Oh I completely forgot that Meryl and Milly come to the boys’ rescue twice here!! Milly’s quick thinking to fire her stun gun helps hold off the robotic sentinels (or the murder machines that the episode is named after). When Vash and Wolfwood get stuck in the underground piece of lost tech, it’s Meryl and Milly who blast through the ceiling to get them out. The voice of the ‘murder machine’ is also feminine, and that’s also a small nod to women being in a role of fierce protectors, vs gentle nurturing, etc etc.

Episode 10, also a single mom with a self employed job, and the guys doing what they can to help her. What is misogynistic about that???? Meryl and Milly celebrating with the guys at the end is great imo. Is there a gag or two through the episode? yes? And? It’s a filler episode, a little bit more so than the previous ones, and I think it’s good at showcasing the group’s values when they are functioning together for the most part. Vash tries to flirt, and literally fails with his face in the ground. It was so out of nowhere, like they wanted to show him being casually able to dissuade any attention from coming his way by being an absolute annoyance. Kudos to having none of the women fawn over him, heck none of the women seemed to quite fawn over anyone in the tournament where guys competed by showing off their gun skills. Milly gets drunk during the episode, but we aren’t shown anything, and the implication is neither did Vash or Wolfwood, they don’t take advantage of Milly, they didn’t take advantage of the single mom. Wolfwood was found helping her, and yeah, he roped Vash in for a few reasons not directly in the sake of helping, but he justifies it by emphasizing that this would help the single mom, and in the coded language that is vash and wolfwood’s ‘read between the lines’ they basically agreed to be taken for fools knowingly by each other if it meant helping out. Afterall, Vash and Wolfwood are both good, respectful people when it’s in relation to single moms. Perhaps I have a bias in that interpretation, that’s fine. (I know we don’t see Wolfwood growing up with a motherly figure, but he has his own orphanage, I think he knows the value.)

Episode 11, ANOTHER 98 win imo. The independence needed from a young lady and a young man trying to defy human trafficking going on for too long, the complexities of found family vs blood family and what you owe to your parents when they are in the wrong and using you ulteriorly despite loving you. Also freakin hell a full episode for Milly???? For showing off how strong she is? How selfless she is? How powerfully righteous she is? How she takes scalding water that will 100% scar her for the sake of these two strangers? Is this building too much on your 'misogynistic' narrative of women being sacrificial for the next gen and caring and kind and good spirited? Need I remind you that both Milly and Meryl get so mad in this episode? How Meryl points a gun at Vash? How Milly outright throws him to the ground with a punch, unfiltered rage? Are you going to tell me that Milly and Rem are written as weak women because of how they self-sacrifice to protect the future of others in their own way? Vash does that too, and you like him for it. Are you going to tell me Vash is a better character because he has these qualities but is a man instead? I can go ON for hours on how amazing this episode is and how everyone seems to dislike it. Another thing to note is how Wolfwood in particular takes a good portion of the episode admiring Milly, her intelligence, her perceptiveness, her kindness, her anger, her earnestness, her strength of character and physical strength, her conviction, her beliefs, her determination to do what’s right, her unwillingness to compromise on anything she might regret in the future, her self assuredness with herself and her actions. People sleep on Milly, and you have Wolfwood here telling you how amazing she is. He looks up to her. He looks up to Vash. But while Vash is an oddity, Milly is an oddity that everyone admires for similar qualities. Vash and Milly are written to parallel each other in many ways. This episode, Wolfwood highlights it further. Milly and Vash’s good will and personality that doesn’t allow for compromises in morals, that they snap into action and do what is right regardless of the situation and circumstances, they will choose to do good no matter what, because that’s who they are. He tells Vash as much, and Vash agrees about how good Milly is. There’s also another layer here where Milly and Vash get directly compared, and it’s treated as an honour to be compared to Milly to begin with. Wolfwood admires and wants to be like her, like Vash. (this rant will also somehow convince at least somebody of how amazing polygun is, they all love each other). Ahem, I also want to point out that Milly’s anger that had her go all the way to punch Vash as hard as she could, that Meryl threatening Vash at gunpoint and her disappointment in him, both of their disappointments in him stem from how earnest they are, how good they are, and how they’ve come to trust Vash to be the same. I love the distinction, too, where Meryl is upset but feels bound to her job and sets her personal feelings aside, while Milly doesn’t care and makes sure Vash takes the full brunt of what her disappointment (and some of her anger) looks like. It was a breach of trust, what Vash did, but ultimately revealed as a facade he had to keep to make the entire thing believable. I just think it’s absolutely amazing that this show kept the integrity of its two main female characters and showcased them in contrast to the main male characters. Wolfwood also stood aside despite wanting to help, because he knows there are rules that govern the world they live in. He’s similar to Meryl here, where he struggles to follow in his own emotions and follows ‘the way of the world’ in defeated acceptance, but like Meryl, is trying to find inspiration and a way out.

Episode 12, Diablo, Meryl spearheading the defense for Vash. Milly capturing so much of Vash's mask. Showcasing Meryl's strength and intellect in navigating law and the world of men, showcasing how intelligent and perceptive Milly is. Meryl going in to defend Vash. Milly being protective of Meryl, but of Vash too. Both of them being so protective of each other and of him. Vash never belittles them. I could talk about this episode forever, and I do actually talk about it again, a bit more in depth, near the end of this, so stay tuned.Episode 13, a full reflection of Meryl (and Milly) on Vash, their journey, their own opinions that 98 highlights is what colours our view of the show and main character so far. We are guided through them. They are giving us the narrative. We also never see Vash demean them, he treats them with the utmost respect. He never encroaches on their comfort, he never makes them uncomfortable, he never flirts with them, he's kind to them, he cares for them. He knew from episode 1 that they were approaching him professionally, and he might make their life a little difficult, but he'd never cross a boundary with them that may jeopardize their career, or their assignment which they need to keep being employed. Contrasting with many anime, Vash never pursues either of them, or gets the trope of being torn between his mission and the love he found along the way. No, he is genuinely there to love Meryl and Milly as people and as their own persons. He also tries to protect them, maybe brutishly at times by pushing them away, but they take none of it, and they don’t allow for even a small crack of doubt in their capabilities. I’ll just add here what I say later on, which is that after this episode, Vash doesn’t pretend around Meryl and Milly as much anymore. They’ve seen him as he is. He lets them into his life, and promptly wants them out of it for their safety. He cares about them, and has never once encroached on their jobs or on them as people until he feels it’s become too dangerous, and he knows and acknowledges how capable they are.

Episode 14, Little Arcadia, an episode dedicated to Meryl and Milly, and their view on family, on life, on what they want to do, on what the future looks like. It's important. It's not domestic. They are actively fighting to protect this family, and trying to figure out their own lives. They have a story. They have a life outside of what the show gives us. It is important to who they are. Would it be nice to look into that? Absolutely, but that's not the story theme we are here for. We are here for humanity, and the 98 team did their damndest to show us how rounded all these characters are. Let’s not forget that this episode we get Badwick’s lovely mom, how supportive and strong she is, how she doesn’t back down from anything, and she treats her son as her son, and that is, she’s not about to have him go making bad choices or badmouthing anyone, because she and her husband are doing all of this for him, regardless if he understood or not. We also get Milly’s strong outburst to finding out that Badwick was outright harming his parents to appease a stronger power. It’s important to me that we constantly see the women fighting back on what they see as being stupid logic, and they do so by fighting sdfkhvbshdf Also, hello??? Nebraska family women side???? Marilyn is adorable??? unapologetically herself, happy to dress how she likes, happy with herself and her family. Also the mom (Patricia) being super powerful and amazing, this is a point to Nightow for not constricting women to specific body types and shapes and power levels. Btw if you skip this episode, you're being a misogynist :D teehee

Episode 15, Dominique my beloved, but before we get there, we have the three women Legato saves. We are shown misogyny in this world. The women we have seen thus far are free women. Facing hardships, surviving, but none of them had a man beating them down or telling them they can't work, they can't be [insert anything], but here? Here we see cruelty, and yet even our token villain doesn't stay silent about it and doesn’t let it pass. We know why from the manga, but that's not the point here. As far as 98 goes, this was voluntary good will from Legato to respect women. Back to Dominique, she is powerful. She goes toe to toe with Vash the Stampede. If he hadn't figured out how she was doing what she was doing, he'd be dead. He survived because she was toying with him, what a queen. Is the unbuttoning of her shirt misogynistic? Yes, fine, you can see it that way, I won't rob you of that. Hear me out though. She takes out Vash's buttons, he just returns the gesture in kind, it's a show of equal power. I am not encouraging this, I'm not a fan of this trope as it is, but I'm saying it doesn't decrease from her power and influence and neither does she seem all too bothered by it. Again, not my favourite thing in the world, but I'll leave it there. We also get tensions between Vash and Meryl & Milly. They scold Vash for mistreating Dominique, and Meryl questions him on his evasive behavior. Which, if I may add, wouldn't be happening if the writers were misogynist and wrote Meryl and Milly or one of them as a love interest. 

Episode 16, Fifth Moon, 98 style. The ladies make their own decision to follow Vash, knowing all the risks. They witness the second act of god on this human colonized planet. They are not terrified by it, though they also are. It's not 'love sickness' that has Meryl wanting to stay and reach Vash, it's her own will, her own curiosity, her own emotions. Milly grabs and runs with Meryl for her own safety out of her own will. Because what do people keep forgetting? Milly is a protector. A strong one. As bullheaded about it as Meryl is. As Vash is. Wow. Women getting to make different, individual decisions based on their moral and ethical code separate from the wants of any male in the cast. Wow. As much as this episode was Vash facing off against Legato and the GHG, it starts and ends with Meryl and Milly's agency and their own persons as individuals who have their own life, thoughts, and choices.

Episode 17. Rem. Boy is she flawed in 98 and girl do I love her for it. She is the epitome of your 'misogynist-written' caring motherly peaceful woman to a fault who has a dead lover and condones any and all violence so much that she overlooks it. Hit pause for a moment. Let's rehash that for a second, shall we? Not any single person is made to be a mother. No one is made to be a mother. Nobody has that stuff figured out, so don't you dare reduce motherly traits to the female character most likely to exude it. She herself admits she barely knows what she's doing. She's just playing with the kids and pointing out lessons as she goes. Emotional maturity and/or intelligence is something thrust on all women by society, whether they're good at it or not. She has a flawed sense of what peace should look like, so much so that she never properly addresses the physical abuse the twins are going through. At 'best' she never notices, or at 'worst' she ignores it entirely and brushes it aside as something they have to work on to get people to accept them. Does this sound motherly? Not really? Good, you're catching up to the breakdown of the 'perfect womanly image' you thought Rem was embodying but is secretly a deconstruction of. Let's continue. She also never addresses or makes any comment about Steve's unwelcome groping of Mary, it's like she doesn't see it happening in front of her. She's in her own dreamy world. Let me quickly point out that having a dreamy world is fully valid, she is the positive spirit of the crew and their source of optimism, but she is actively not equipped to address things she doesn't agree with despite what she puts out in ideology. She even wants a fair hearing from Steve, fully ready to ignore Mary's claims. Women are always dismissed when they claim rape or SA, and sometimes other women, because of how society raised them, can actually work against the rights other women should receive. I am not saying Rem isn't right, that a fair trial needs everyone to be heard properly, but she's not being the best here either. 

Mary, now, Mary is a lovely complex woman, because by her own admission as she complains to herself, she finds it fun or interesting how Rowan and Steve fight over her, but she is clearly not enjoying whatever Steve is doing to her, and she's not comfortable about it. She easily agrees to accuse Steve and has no remorse about it had it not been Rowan who went too far and tampered with Steve's cryopod. 

Rowan and Steve are both Misogynists. Steve walks around seeing Mary’s body before anything else and doesn't care for any slap on the wrist he gets or discomfort Mary shows. Rowan feels he is owed Mary's unconditional love and at the first sign of rejection he kills her, because her value to him was only in her existence as a woman and nothing else. If she rejected him, then she didn't even need to exist at all. He had no qualms pointing that gun at Rem. I do think he would have fired, he wasn't mentally there for that exchange, and reactions from a twitchy shaking finger are more than enough to cause irreparable damage. Here, though, I do commend Rem and how she shows compassion for someone who is very clearly in a nervous breakdown and not mentally stable, and she approaches him with calm stability that he cannot deny or argue with. She also takes charge here, defending the twins and trying to get everyone into a safer, calmer state. I do think that the 98 writers weren't quite fully settled on how she conducts herself, but the latter half of the episode showcases so much of her strong determination, her personality, and her capacity for leadership and taking control of a situation. She did, after all, save all of humanity with those qualities of hers.

Words by my dear friend, legendofthesevenstars: The fact that they depicted these characters in such a realistic way is what makes it so effective. They aren't caricatures of evil villains. These could be real men who exist in the real world. THAT'S good writing of character flaws and an excellently painful depiction of misogyny. We as the viewers are uncomfortable not because the writers are disrespecting women, but because they've so effectively shown the pain and discomfort that these women are put through by these two men. Not what you'd expect from a shonen, huh?

Ultimately, Mary isn't quite written to be her own person, not fully, but rather as a show of contrast and to show how misogyny looks in a workplace setting, in a domestic setting, on an interpersonal level. Rem was shown to us as playing everything by ear, for the most part, when it comes to motherly qualities. She never addresses a lot of things, including Vash and Knives' fight and disagreement. She just tells Knives he shouldn't have done that, no explanation or reason given. She placed him on the bad side, and he retaliated by going there fully. IQ be damned, he's 1 years old. I have more to say, but I said a lot already and you get the gist. Maybe I will quickly add that 98’s version of Rem and having the SEEDs ship be a skeleton crew instead of her alone with the twins, and having the group dynamic be this? I think they knew what they were doing with Nightow’s spark notes. I think they did a very good job at adapting this episode to convey the core of the themes that 98 deals with conceptually, and framed it in a way that viewers can easily see the flaws.

Episode 18. Bless Sheryl and Lina. Bless them in particular. Before you go and tell me 'but it was an elderly woman and a little girl finding this old man in the alley and caring for him, taking up stereotypical caretaker roles thrust onto women and young girls’. Hold that thought for a second. Sheryl is a single grandmother with a rifle. She is respected in her small town, and seemingly known for her capacity to do what she threatens to. Lina is a young pre-teen who has either lost or is estranged from her parents. She's not your typical young girl in this sense, and that makes her choice to bring back Vash to her grandmother and ask to save him somewhat self serving and reflective to her character and to Sheryl's. Maybe you could imagine 'I couldn't help my parents', 'I don't know what happened to my parents', 'Maybe a stranger was this kind to my parents if they were found like this'. Look, ignore my thoughts. Stick with this: what 12 year old would find an old man in a back alleyway barely standing or speaking or looking coherent and thinks 'I gotta take this man home and take care of him because I want to be a good woman'. No one. The answer is no one. The answer is someone who has had their share of traumatic or semi-traumatic thoughts and wonderings about missing parents and living alone with their grandmother. Maybe I'm speaking from a place where I can see myself in Lina here. I'm not commenting about that in public. Now, yes, Lina and Sheryl take care of Vash as Eriks and get him back on his feet. Please pay attention to the fact that neither Sheryl nor Lina treat Vash with 'traditionally feminine care'. Sheryl is strict and harsh and straightforward/blunt, and verbally gets him moving. Lina physically gets him moving by dragging him around, kicking him about. They both treat him like a normal capable human being and not coddle him which is what a misogynist narrative would do. I also think it’s nice that their treatment of him isn’t ableist either (i’m not very confident saying this publicly).

Episode 19, the Fris & Polo feud. I can't say much remarkable here, except that we get to see Meryl and Milly happily back in pursuit. Aside from that, we have two men fighting to avenge a murdered daughter. Not the strongest feminist rep this episode, but we're here to broaden the narrative from other aspects and cast light on how we now see the parallels between Vash and Rem, now that we know, and how it's detrimental and not practical or functional or even remotely just. It's just the principle to keep people alive and able to speak for themselves and make choices for their own paths. A bad person can't make amends or be a better person if you choose to damn them and silence their soul forever, etc. etc. Oh, I'm not 100% sure, but is this also the episode where we see Meryl and Milly in the office for the first time? We see them not being treated or respected to their fullest potential due to small tidbits about their personalities that they don't give up or forsake for others in the workplace, and I freakin love that. Let them be themselves unapologetically. Additionally, this is where we get the mini lecture from the side character Karen, about “womanly happiness” where Karen doesn’t seem to understand how Meryl would have felt fulfilled or happy chasing around an outlaw, being out in the wilds. This happens in the manga, too. The implication is that what Meryl is doing could never possibly make a ‘normal woman’ happy. I think it’s effective that we see this office scenario after having gotten to know Meryl and Milly to the extent that we have because we see how restricted they are within that space. We know their full potential, and we see others dismiss their strengths, and it’s upsetting, but realistic and reflective of their choices in going back after Vash. In a way, they’d found their freedom through the course of this story, and it’s shown to us in the sense of ‘you don’t know what you had until it’s gone’ type of thing. Meryl doesn’t stand for it when she finds Milly being ‘punished’ with menial cleaning tasks when she knows how strong, smart, and powerful she is.

Episode 20 & 21, I love that we just get an actual typhoon and put Meryl and Milly in its path to witness and feel it. There is something about showing them face disasters together and alone and come out just fine being very satisfying to me. Moving on, we have Jessica. I love Jessica. Any Jessica slander in my house will get you kicked out. She is more than what she is shown or acts to be. She is that hopelessly romantic dreamer, yet another trope deconstruction (have you noticed how many we've had so far???) She gets taken hostage, another trope, except her face is also used as a puppet and weapon against Vash. This episode we also get more Plant rep, and while we don't get much, I count that as worthy of mentioning, because plants, despite being a full enigma in the 98 anime, are still shown to have a will of their own and capable of their own choices despite the situations they are placed in (see episode 6 as well). Back to Jessica, she is not a one note love-struck young woman, she outright blames Vash for Brad's death and casts him out and away from anything to do with her or the Seeds colony that fell 'because of him'. It was also the puppet with her face that shot Brad, the shot being meant for Vash. If Jessica was written by a 'misogynist team' she'd mourn Brad while being held in Vash's arms. Not here, folks! Here we have a woman full of anger, anguish, devastation, she lost her home, her life as she knows it, the one person who was always there next to her despite her fantasizing about another man, and she's directing all of that at Vash. Again, I'm here to support women's wrongs, justified as they are!

Episode 22, a moment of peace and caring. Recuperation. Before anyone says anything, the guys do their fair share in taking care of the place and being parental towards the kids. The work isn't left to Meryl and Milly, they just chose to do the jobs they are most comfortable with. People forget that feminism is supposed to allow all women to choose whatever they wish equally, including being presented as caring for children and/or cooking. It is a choice. Either way, the episode's intent is to reflect a peaceful domestic life. Take that as you will, I can't stop anyone that wants to see this as either misogynist or regressive to Meryl and Milly's characters. In my view, they are exhibiting things we'd never see from them early on in the story, and that's because they're more comfortable with themselves, perhaps, but also, there's kids in need of adults here. They're not gonna play super modern a la 2024/25 style and deliberately have the ladies look down on cooking simply because they are 'educated independent women who are above such roles and tasks'. Before anyone says anything further, Wolfwood is immediately introduced to us as helping out being a chef in episode 10, and Vash isn't bad at it either. Neither of them see themselves as 'too manly' to do tasks that need to be done and need help with. Wolfwood spends the episode admiring Meryl and Milly and all the work they do, he’s even jokingly jealous of how Milly gets the kids to smile. Both Vash and him are smiling and admiring the girls, not as love interests, not in any uncomfortable way. The line “women are a marvel” is really genuinely admiring women as amazing people, admiring women and all that they do, all that they handle in a society, how much they have to shoulder, how powerful they are. Wolfwood and Vash both respect women so much. If one more person tells me Wolfwood or Vash are misogynists.... well I wouldn't do anything, I'd roll my eyes and ignore them, but it's annoying to see so much lack of comprehension.

Episode 23, possibly a controversial one on the topic of women, but again, hear me out. The whole group is mentally in shambles. They are desperate for any form of normalcy, and they also can't stomach pretending to be normal after what had happened. They end up finding a place to take a break in, but ultimately everyone is taking a break from each other and trying to reflect and organize themselves after the traumas. Milly reaches out to Wolfwood, she is sympathetic enough to hear him out, and not afraid or withholding her judgement in telling him how what he did was wrong, even if it was the right thing to do at the time. She listens to him, she hears him, she offers him a shoulder to cry on. Things go further, yes, they're both in grief and seeking an escape. Milly isn't one to just let others take advantage of her. She chose this, too. Meryl also cares about Wolfwood. Wolfwood cares a lot about the ladies and Vash. They're there in his paradise, his paradise isn't complete without them, and they, in turn, have lost their chance at paradise with him there. 

Episode 24 continues with the emotional devastation on the team, compounding it onto Meryl and Milly being given the truth and reality of what they're dealing with and the consequences of being close to Vash. Remember that Meryl has a huge arc for her character in opening up to others, being more emotionally honest with herself, and not repressing her wants and needs. Aided and guided by Milly, not by any romantic rush of emotions, she makes the choice that would have her be kinder to her future and past self, and that is to pursue her own wishes regardless of what others tell her to do, and that is to reach out for Vash with Milly alongside her. Milly, herself, is also grieving and hurting, but she is shown as strong and emotionally mature to not wail about the loss, but to move forward and find what she can do for the people she cares about who are still with her. Both are such strong, strong women.

Be that as it may, we do get them captured as hostages and their autonomy and safety threatened by Legato. Effectively, they are used against Vash to force his hand, not by virtue of them being women needing to be saved, but because they are Meryl and Milly. They aren't just anybody. They are the people left to Vash and the only people alive where he would pull the trigger on someone else's life for the sake of saving them. I think it also shows a lot that when Vash is trying to stop his angel arm, he thinks of all the women in his life (plus Wolfwood). He thinks of Meryl, Milly, Wolfwood, and Lina (that’s his little sister!!). It's so important here that, after having Rem mocked to his face, he makes the decision that these are two women, two people, he'd rather lose Rem's spirit than lose them forever. Rem already gave up her life to save him, his brother, and humanity. He can keep her alive in his memory for as long as he lives, but Meryl and Milly are here and alive now. and this is the culmination of all the deconstruction we have been carefully going through across the entire anime. I've said this before, but 98's scene for this is more powerful to me than trimax in the sense that Vash isn't thinking of owing someone or being tied to an obligation (don't get me wrong, i love livio & razlo and trimax and how it contextualizes this decision, but 98 is a masterpiece especially when you remember they were going off of spark notes and nothing else). Vash actively makes the decision to let go of Rem and her spirit and all he has lived by just to make sure he doesn't lose anyone else after so much loss, but especially these two individuals who have stuck by him through every single thing and never tired of him, instead they welcomed him into their hearts despite everything. This is also after Vash told Meryl everything and left, hoping they’d never go after him again. It is so much deeper than just having the heroines needing the main lead to save them. It is so, so, so much more and part of me thinks the only reason people might dismiss 98 for this is because trimax gives more bl angst fodder. 

For me 98 is stronger for framing the decision as Vash fully weighing Meryl and Milly as more important to him than keeping Rem's spirit alive. vs trimax framing it as Vash finally making a choice being due to honouring Wolfwood's sacrifice and trying to meet him half-way in their back and forths. Don't get me wrong here, both versions of this scene are extremely powerful, and let it be known that I have an LR bias (the characters, not to be confused with the 98 town of LR). I just have a preference for how Vash broke his vow in 98 because it also was purely and simply a choice. No battle. No distractions or exertions. A choice. To take one life by his own choice to spare two, or keep his hands clean and doom two lives.

Side note: I saw someone lately say that people cheered when Legato was killed in the manga. I don't know about the majority of people, but I didn't. I didn't in the manga, and I didn’t in the 98 anime. Legato dying isn't something to be celebrated, and the 98 anime and the manga very explicitly tell you it shouldn't be celebrated so idk what that was about. Both scenarios showcase how traumatic that was for literally everyone involved.

Episode 25: I have mixed feelings about this episode, but I'll get to that in a bit. From the standpoint of Meryl and Milly, I find it actually quite interesting in how they are both portrayed in this episode, and there are different ways to interpret it when you consider the horror and trauma of what they'd just survived in the last episode, and the loss of Wolfwood still weighing on them. Now they are faced with possibly losing Vash. 

To give the premise, the insurance ladies find a town to stay at and take care of Vash while he was a) unconscious for a number of days from the shock and trauma, and while he is b) recovering from said shock and trauma. The town itself is possibly the same town that the men Legato was controlling came from, because I can't think of who else would have untied Meryl and Milly and helped them out. That in itself adds a ton of levels of messiness here, and the ladies were left vulnerable to danger even after Legato’s control faded, plus the situation they're in semi forces them to be as kind and pleasing to this town as possible to stay safe. Maybe I'm assuming too many negative things about the townspeople. 

Edit: I just checked the episode summary and it says “a small town well away from LR”, so apparently they managed to get out of that situation, somehow, and get well away from there…. That kind of seems logistically not reasonable with Vash unconscious for 10 days.

I'll start with the interesting depictions here that I kind of liked. Milly gets to help and is working hard alongside all the men, showcasing how strong and powerful she is. She’s capable, she’s seen throughout the series as almost being a jack of all trades vs how her boss treats her at the office simply because she ‘arrived late’, which is such a stupid offense, and he put her on cleaning duty. What I’m trying to say is, I love that she gets to be on the same playing field as the men, I love that she seems to be happy, busy, trusted to work, depended on to work in a setting outside of her duo with Meryl. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We know Meryl (and Vash and Wolfwood) are the ones that truly see her potential and trust her. When we are shown the office boss’ attitude towards her we get the sense that she is not being treated fairly nor put up to show her full potential in a setting that standardizes expectations and what a ‘good worker’ means. In contrast, here we see her almost thriving. She’s still mourning, she’s still there with Meryl, she’s still worried about Vash, but she is able to help by being her unabashed self.

Meryl. I will admit I wasn’t too big of a fan of what was done. I’ll be the first to say that. In contrast to Milly, she’s struggling to fit in, she’s surrounded by leery men while working as a barista, she’s placed into the ‘caretaker’ role. Hear me out for a minute here, though. I’m not happy with that setting for her either, but hear me out. This isn’t the first time we see her (or Milly) working in a job of service. We know how capable and sharp both Meryl and Milly are, the show doesn’t shy away from showing us that, either, and emphasizing it. We also get to see her have that time and space to think for herself, to contemplate what they, what she went through, and what it is she wants to do. She is trying to find her path, just as much as Milly and Vash are.

Here’s the thing. This episode is subtly telling us that the ladies are done (forever or temporarily, or not at all, you can interpret it as you like, but here’s my short take) they’re done with the insurance job. They’re done with following around the stampede. They’re in this town of their own choice, of their own will, and they’re taking care of each other, they’re taking care of Vash, they’re trying to find their space in this world. The events before were, understandably, similar to a wakeup call. Any normal person would have dropped everything and walked off. They didn’t. Not entirely. They stuck together.

They're there for their friend, who just sacrificed something they know he had worked hard to keep in a world that threw every opportunity at trying to take it away from him. There is guilt, yes, because he chose to drop his lifelong ideals for them. There is so much more love. The way Meryl hurts and doesn't know how to comfort him, period, when he breaks down remembering what he'd done. And I like that. I like that she has no clue how to comfort and support him. She can feed him. She can make sure he goes through the mechanics. She doesn't force herself to talk. She doesn't force herself to be traditionally nurturing. Meryl’s character arc is learning how to be emotionally vulnerable with herself first and foremost, and meeting others halfway afterwards. She never got to meet wolfwood halfway. She nearly just died. Vash may never be the same again or recover. She wants to meet him halfway. Milly keeps telling her as much, that she should, that she shouldn't keep frozen and watch the world and life pass her by. This is important because a misogynistic writing of a main female lead would have her be miss perfect, full knowledge and control of emotional control and softness, full fledged ability to care for the wounded, endless empathy and sympathy and ability to adapt to others' needs. That's not Meryl. That's not even Milly. They are both unique, individual women, with their own personality, their own person, they have their own misgivings and failings, and their own strengths and confidence. In this episode, Meryl gets to finally connect her emotions to herself, she gets to be empathic, she gets to see others and put herself in their shoes more than before, and most importantly is she is finally able to communicate and be understood by others. She gets to finally reach others. She understands what the cycle of hate and fear can do. She wants to break it. She does. She succeeds. She successfully talks down a situation. No flashy guns. No power moves. No sweet talking. She communicates, she emotes, she gets through, and she also saves Vash in the process by giving him hope for the future, in humanity, and in himself. He wouldn't have been able to go on and face his brother without that. 

I also don't think that Meryl and Milly were used for giving Vash “man pain”. Vash was devastated for having killed another living being. This is the same Vash who begged wolfwood not to shoot a giant worm about to eat them. 

Episode 26: Rem. She’s the focal point here, to me, and this ties my arguments to the past two to three episodes. Rem haunts the narrative. Rem is a person. She influences Vash in every episode. His actions, in turn, influence others around him. They influence Meryl so much that Vash could see Rem’s spirit reflected in her actions of that moment. She literally is the embodiment of the song of humanity, she sings her Sound [of] Life and cascades it down to the world. Rem is not a fridged female character.

What is a fridged female character? I’m gonna be very broad here. Literally speaking, think of Mister Freeze’s wife, Nora, from the Batman series. Think of Singed’s daughter, Orianna, from Arcane/League of Legends. What do we know about these two ladies? Nothing? Next to nothing? They are literally female characters that are frozen within the narrative. They do not get shown to have a personality, they are not shown to be their own person. Their will, their mentality, they don’t affect the respective male character or others who are related to them. They exist as a motivation for those male characters’ actions.

All this to say, Rem is not a frozen female character. Rem is very much there, very much shaping the world we are seeing through Vash, his hopes, his actions. From episode 1. We may not know she was there, but we see how she has shaped Vash, how he makes his decisions based on her values, how he sometimes needs to take a moment to properly remember her before taking action again. She haunts the narrative. We first see her in episode 4, where we see how far Vash goes to save a life, where we see Vash seeing her in others who are also finding their way, and turning to see that life can offer them a different path. She is a guiding light not just for Vash, but for all of humanity in a metaphorical, symbolic way. She’s the power of choice, the power of freedom, the power of choosing to be kind and choosing to not stand for what is wrong. She’s also a powerful motivator for survival of the community with how her essence and message spurs on that trait in others. Humanity doesn’t need to know that Rem existed, because she is an essence that is present in all of humanity that we get to recognize and see alongside Vash and how it encourages him in a world where violence and life-loss seem to be so common.

What I love about this episode? This ending piece to this show? He honours Rem by giving her a place to rest. He is symbolically communicating that the world, humanity, the people she gave herself to save, himself and knives, whom she sacrificed everything to protect, it’s all okay now. We see, and Rem symbolically sees, though Vash, that the world understands the importance of breaking out of the cycle of hate and violence, that they understand the world needs love and acceptance to be at peace. Vash, who has been struggling for a century and almost a half with his emotions towards his brother, how many times he’d tried to convince himself that violence was the only answer, that he had to hurt him, that he had to kill, but he couldn’t. When he realizes that there is another option even for Knives, that’s when he understands. When he accepts and understands and forgives that his brother was also the cause for Rem’s death, for her last living relative’s death, for the indirect destruction of July, for the indirect scar on the moon, Augusta, for the indirect deaths of many people…. When he finds in himself and understands on his own how Rem would have forgiven him, only then he finds it in him to let her go and find his own path. He returns to Meryl and Milly. He doesn’t leave them alone. We see him happy after so much anguish and loss we go through with him in the past series of episodes. I don’t think the female characters in this episode were done badly at all.

Vash the stampede as a flirt. My friends, trigun 98 is a shounen anime from the 90s. Scratch that. It’s a shounen. You’re telling me none of you dropped My Hero Academia because that one underage character who constantly hits on women and girls and peeps and flirts and justifies his actions. For comparison, MHA ran from 2014 to 2024 and the anime is still going. Anime and manga alike under the shounen tag still run this gag. Yes, I despise it too. I despise it so much that I dropped MHA like a hot potato. I nearly dropped naruto when i was younger, if it wasn’t for the fact that the gag wasn’t used often (full transparency, I barely watched naruto, i vaguely watched shippuden, and my only media interaction with it was the manga and video games). Bleach didn’t run the gag much in the manga either, but the anime bombarded it through Kon for a while, and kept bringing him back just to remind you that it’s a shounen. I’m bringing those examples because I can’t remember other popular or recent shounen that I’ve watched. I’ve actually not interacted with any of these fandoms, just the media itself and not with any dedication or intensity. 

My point was, most manga don’t focus on the gag, but most anime do. I’m also saying I can’t stand the gag, and generally drop the show if it makes me uncomfortable. Trigun is no exception to using the gag, it’s a shounen, but the difference here is it never gave me the ick that every walking woman is treated as an object to be ogled, a damsel to be saved, or a prize to be won. Let me quickly re-dive into this here. Marianne seemed like an oggle piece. She was a cop in disguise, about to crack a case and take down a monopoly. Stefany seemed like a damsel. She learned the truth, she made her choice, she sided with what she saw was right and didn’t give up on that despite familial relations, despite that she was kidnapped. Elizabeth seemed like a prize. She was/is actually a super well established engineer who also had a near catastrophic plan to enact her revenge and justice. The manga itself never uses the gag except in the pilot chapter, which frankly was done very practically in order to get the idea approved. You go up to a shounen comic and you have one shot to get them to agree to let you write your messed up and/or deep story, what do you do? Guarantee an in, and show them what they want to see. Beyond that? Vash doesn’t disrespect a single woman in the manga. He also doesn’t disrespect any woman in the show either, by the way. Yes, he flirts. Yes, he asks random ladies out knowing full well he’d get rejected. I know the fandom excuses his behaviour as a bit. It is a bit. Vash literally only does it when he’s trying to worm himself into or out of situations by getting others to physically kick him out or not care about his presence at all, he’s not stupid. We see him switch from silly and stupid to serious and calculative in milliseconds, multiple times. The show is telling you it’s a bit. Vash never disrespects Meryl or Milly. He takes them both very seriously. What I love about the 98 early filler episodes is that they very clearly establish who Meryl and Milly are, and who Vash The Stampede really is. Vash also learns from episode 1 that Meryl and Milly are assigned by their job to follow him around. He knows it’s a business task for them. He doesn’t flirt with them, he doesn’t distract them, he tries to run away and keep away as much as possible, he never flirts with them, he never makes any unsavoury comments towards them. He even stops doing the bit. His ‘I'm dumb silly ignore me’ bit, after Monev’s attack. He was so worried about them, and saw what lengths they went to in order to protect him, and he stopped pretending around them to be someone he’s not. He doesn’t want to see them hurt, he keeps telling them to stay away. He cares and he wants them as far away from him as possible. 

Wolfwood. I read a long post of someone's review of 98 after they'd finished it, and they didn't want to articulate anything about Wolfwood, lumping him in with Vash as misogynistic beyond compare, or something to that effect, and I was so, so boggled by that. What?? Is it because he got paired with Milly? Is it because they did the bit where she pretended to be pregnant and he her husband? Is it the one night stand? All situations in which Milly was an active decision maker and decision driver??? You know Wolfwood wanted no involvement in helping the young adult kids escape. You know he would have never taken advantage of Milly, even if he was being vulnerable and a bit out of it. I'm not defending him on that point, I'm just saying I don't think Milly would let herself be taken advantage of. She doesn't hold her punches. The only transgression I can really think of is how in the bus on their first meeting he cozies up to Milly and sleeps on her shoulder. If it were me, I would have kicked him off, idk who that is. Milly could easily punch him through the bus roof. She didn't. It's also Milly, her general outlook on things and what she allows vs doesn't allow aren't exactly the norm in this world, or ours, even, but we love her. Wolfwood loves her too. Wolfwood also loves and respects Meryl. They don't get much interaction, but wolfwood never encroaches on her space or bothers her. He reads her demeanour and acts accordingly. When wolfwood thinks of his perfect paradise, his Eden, Meryl and Milly are front and center right along with Vash. Wolfwood is also a character who keeps people at arm's length, and the fact he warmed up and loved these two so much speaks volumes for his character with how standoffish he is Conclusion: In the end, I think I’m just happy that the 98 anime was written and done the way that it was. I’m glad that I wasn’t disappointed by it. I’m genuinely so happy that it has all of these 90s nostalgia without having the uncomfortableness that comes from watching an old anime with outdated thoughts and views on women and society. I think people need to look at it more critically and see how much it gives to the women in the series, in some instances it’s even more than the manga just because they had the time and space to stretch out and expand more. I hate seeing it discredited, or seeing people characterize 98 Vash and Wolfwood as “weird”. My feeling is that this is a collective reflection of people’s view on 90s anime, and not an actual analysis or conclusion from the 98 anime itself. I want people to be able to appreciate what 98 actually gave us. It’s not cheap, it’s not superficial, it’s a deconstruction on many levels, and a good interpretation of the manga and story of trigun. Everyone is of course entitled to their opinions and thoughts, I’m not out here asking anyone to love 98, I’m just asking that people stop throwing it under the bus for no reason other than that a time-era bias that doesn’t even hold true when you actually analyze the content of the anime.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Having the statue scene be what caused Adrien to fall in love with Marinette feel like one of many spite moves from Astruc. Like once again, he saw how much people hated that scene but instead of addressing the criticisms he instead just point blank tries to force us to like the scene.

I'd go with arrogance over spite. I don't know much about the man, but the quotes I've seen and my limited knowledge of the industry are why my standard take is that he and the writing staff are genuinely trying to tell a good story. While we think they're failing at it, they don't. They think it's good. You're not going to sway me to their point of view, but I do understand how they could get into that mindset.

It's incredibly rare to get professional writers who want to punish the audience. It's incredibly common to get writers who are so far up their own ass that they think they shit gold and anyone who disagrees is just a hater who can't understand their vision. While that viewpoint isn't ideal, it's not a terrible trait for a creative. You're unlikely to succeed in a creative field if you can't get into some version of that mindset.

Speaking as a writer, if you want to succeed in a creative field, then you do genuinely need to be your own biggest fan and learn to ignore criticism. Not because you're above criticism, but because:

Issue 1: A lot of people struggle with the difference between personal taste and actual flaws, leading to some really shitty "criticism". That doesn't mean that it's bad to talk about a thing in terms of personal taste, it just means that your criticisms maybe be highly subjective opinions and not objective flaws that the creator needs to know about. It's why things like book reviews are for the audience and not the author. I know people who have found great reads based on negative reviews because those reviews talked about the book in question in an objective enough way for those people to realize it had things that they loved. That means that those were excellent reviews, they let people know if they'd like the book or not, which is what a review is meant to do! It also means that the reviews were pretty worthless to the authors because there was nothing that needed changing. It was all a matter of personal taste.

Issue 2: Taking point one a step further: more objective, "good" criticism isn't necessarily valuable to a creator. Sometimes creators are willing to include "flaws" because their creation doesn't fit their vision without those "flaws". Creators can get away with that because different audiences will care about different things and you're never going to be able to appeal to everyone. This is not the greatest example, but I think it gets my point across, so I'll use it here anyway. As someone who prefers reasonably healthy couples, if I were to read a story with an awful romance, then I'd probably hate it and have very clear, logical reasons why. But if the author is totally aware that the couple is awful and needed them to be such for the story they wanted to tell? Then my critique has no value to them. It's why good critique is so hard to get and give. Good critique is not about shaping a story into what you'd call good, it's about shaping the story the writer wants to tell into its best form. It's super hard, but also fun and a good learning experience.

Issue 3: A lot of criticism is highly situational and public feedback will only ever come after a work is done and available to the public. That makes it questionable how much value you'd get from reading feedback at that point. For an ongoing work where only a part is done, you might get something useful, but for a finished one? It's questionable if there's any point in reading negative comments. For example, I've received unsolicited critical feedback on fics that are several years old. I have no idea what the goal of those comments is. Even if I agree with them, I'm not going to rewrite the fic for them. I even asked one of them what their goal was and they couldn't tell me. They just wanted me to know and the button said "comments" not "positive comments."

Issue 4: You're never going to be perfect, so even a great work will have flaws, but it's unhealthy to dwell on them. Listening to a thousand people point out what you got wrong is not going to help anyone improve. That's why good creatives are open to feedback, but they tend to have a select group that they go to for feedback during the creative process. They then ignore most other feedback. In most cases, that is the healthy way to approach the creative process. It's why I don't agree with those who complain about someone blocking critics on twitter. Block and move on isn't just advice for the plebs. Successful creatives are allowed to prioritize their mental health, too.

Of course, there is a double edged sword in action here. Because creatives need to be their own fans and develop that ability to ignore criticism, they are always at risk of forming echo chambers that lead them to create lesser works because everyone in their core team thinks the same way they do. They may not even have a core team! It takes a lot of humility and luck to find people who give you good feedback.

The echo chamber issue is especially true when creatives are successful as it's hard to want to change when you're making money off of whatever crap you put out. Once you reach a certain level of success, there will be a whole lot less push back on your terrible ideas. If it's going to make money either way, then why worry if it's total crap? (This is a major problem in the publishing industry, btw. People with large social media followings can get a book deal with relative ease and publish almost anything they want because the publisher knows it will sell and it's not their name that's going to be looked down on.)

Generally speaking, this is what I think happened with Miraculous. The show is incredibly successful so there's no reason to listen to criticism or expand the creative team. Until the show stops making money, it doesn't matter how bad it is, so there's no reason for the writers to question if they've become blind to their own flaws. And by the time the show goes too far and stops making money? It will probably be too late to fix the problems so the show will just die. That's just how this trend works.

In summary, I would not be shocked if the writers genuinely think they're writing wonderful stories and that the critics just can't see it because we're the spiteful ones, not them. People can develop really weird standards for what is good, especially when they're immersed in the industry. For example, it's not like Disney wanted to ruin the Star Wars brand or have their 100th anniversary film - Wish - be universally panned. Studios want to make money. Writers want to tell stories people like. Spite it's rarely the answer when they fail to do those things.

The one caveat I will give to the above is if you're referring to the kind of spiteful arrogance where someone creates a thing, people criticize said thing, and so the person makes more of said thing in retaliation because that's 100% spite. But it's not the kind of spite where they're making a thing bad on purpose. It's them saying, "no, this was good and I'm gonna make more of it because you're wrong and I'm right." People do that shit all the time and, once again, it's not an inherently bad thing. Like all emotions, spite is a neutral force and a powerful motivator. It can lead to great things and terrible things. I can think of spite projects that were wildly successful and spite projects that totally flopped. (Relevant Tumblr post)

If that's the argument you're making when you say "spite", then I could totally see the statue scene choice happening because the writers heard people dunking on it and they went, "No, you're wrong, that scene was awesome! In fact, to show you how awesome, we're going to have that be when Adrien's crush started!" Spite? Yes. Ruining the show on purpose to get back at haters? No.

[chibinasuu]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five of your other fave writers. Spread the self-love! 💕💕💕💕❤️

Thanks for the tag @sheerxfiction and @softlypaintedseafoam !! And can I just say I absolutely adore both of your writings 🫶🏻

Honestly this was kinda hard since I'm my own biggest critic asasdkjalk but after rereading some of my works, I've decided on these five as my favorites!

Captain's Seat | Luffy x Reader

The Thousand Sunny Slice-of-Life Series was the first thing I've ever posted on tumblr. I'm a firm believer that One Piece should have more fillers of the Straw Hats just goofing off and doing domestic stuff on the Sunny, and this series was my take on that! All 10 stories are so dear to me, but I gotta go with our dear Captain for this one.

Little Mouse | Sanji x Reader

I don't usually write my readers with a devil fruit, but this one had a Mouse-Mouse Fruit, inspired by Sanji's soft spot for mice. I loved the idea of a Sanji x MouseZoan!Reader pairing and I've been wanting to make more follow-up stories set in this universe, but I haven't gotten around to doing it just yet 😔

reunion; kisses | Ace x Reader

I've always thought that the childhood-friends-to-lovers trope fits so well with Ace, and I absolutely loved writing this one. I was pleasantly surprised at how well this was received too! I wasn’t expecting this to get so many notes!

snowstorm; cuddling | Sanji x Reader

SOFT SANJI. That's it. That's the fic. This is another one from my cozy holidays event, and boy, is this fic cozy. I am such a sucker for cuddly, clingy Sanji. He's a sweetheart, and obviously one of my favorite characters to write for.

Unexpectedly | Law x Reader

Ah, much like this story, I never really expected to like Law as much I do now. He had crawled up my list of favorites and is sitting smugly at number #2 now. I love writing his brooding, quiet, and serious side that we see in canon all the time, but it's also fun to imagine him having an unexpected shy and sweet side too.

no pressure tags - @livelaughloveluffy @stuckinmymind22 @wetdeadroses @kultofkorii @inseobts + anyone else who wants to share their self-recs!!