#i'm really proud of all my attacks so far! been doing a lot of experimenting

[ishibishie]

really fucking cringe that my birthday is tomorrow and i have to celebrate it, i just wanna do more artfight

[copperbadge]

I know that it’s been a Very Long Time but do you ever get terribly nostalgic for old/less active fandoms? I confess I recently came back to tumblr and saw that I followed you. I was like, of course Sam storyteller, the Bucky guy. But then I got a hankering for my older and dearer by far love Ianto Jones and went back to reread some of the greatest hits and I remembered. You are not the Loki guy. You are the Ianto guy, to me, and I can’t believe I forgot that. I miss that fandom so much it was so fucking. Toxic. The Gwen bashing, I simply cannot romanticize it in good conscience. But the fic quality and diversity was, dare I say it, nearly unparalleled (in my heart). Like when it hit it really hit you know? A golden age of trashy sci fi indeed. I miss my dead welsh son. Sorry to ramble in your ask box about the dubious old days

Anon, I am so sorry, a bunch of my asks got pushed way down in the inbox and then I forgot they were there, so apologies this is MONTHS late in getting posted.

I, eh, I don't really get nostalgic for old fandoms. Usually I leave them for a reason, but even if I just drift away, my experience of a fandom is pretty fundamentally different from most because of my higher profile. There are things I can't do or say in a fandom that other people could, and there are things that happen to me outside of my control. They're not even necessarily bad things, just stuff like...I'll write a fic in a new fandom, and people from my previous fandom will start engaging with the canon because I did. So often, rather than just falling away from a fandom, I'll leave a fandom and drag a bunch of people with me. They might not even leave the older fandom, but they come along to the new one too.

And often the wanks that pull people in without their consent simply don't touch me because there's a portion of fandom that is either scared of me (or my readers) or just doesn't want anything to do with me. I can't determine which.

Torchwood's a pretty good case in point -- the Gwen bashing was extreme. I wasn't a fan of Gwen but what I saw from the antigwenallies was really, really gross. Still, even though I wrote fic about Gwen and engaged in meta around her presence in the show, I avoided them and thus had exactly one interaction with them ever, which was when they posted up a fic of mine as "anti-Gwen" and I asked them to remove it and never recc anything of mine again. They did, and that was the end of that. Nobody ever came to my posts to attack her or me. Likewise, there was one really, really aggressive anti-Ianto wanker, but she never engaged with me or even as far as I know talked about me, despite the fact I was a huge Ianto fan and wrote a lot of fic about him. I really hated the shit she said, but I also didn't see any value in arguing, so I left her alone and she left me alone. (I won't name her because I checked up on her a few years ago and it turns out she was struggling with serious mental health issues that she'd gotten a lot of help for, and felt really terrible about the things she'd done, so I'm actually quite proud of her. But if you know you know.)

I also just...have a bad memory, so I often don't remember what happened in a fandom, or even sometimes that I was in a fandom. Most of the memories I do have are either vaguely warm and friendly, or "avoid this fandom/person at all costs" based in a negative interaction (which I sometimes don't remember the details of).

So yeah...I mean, Torchwood ended pretty terribly so I don't miss it in part because I try not to think about it. Generally if I have a good time in a fandom and then leave it, it's because I simply said all I had to say there. But I'm usually looking forward, not back, just because the past is a bit of a fog bank for me, most of the time.

[archivalofsins]

It's been a good while since the end of trial two and a lot has changed in the fandom overall. Even more will change over the course of trial three. I think in this area of uncertainty and impatience it's easy to forget everything that transpired.

Admittedly I'm kind of proud of my growth over this period of time and how the experience has impacted how I interact with fandom and the internet overall.

Not to sound incredibly old fashioned but I think there's still much to unpack from trial two before heading into trial three. So, the down time between the end of trial report and now has been greatly appreciated.

A lot happened.

Haruka's broken 50/50 as people highlighted the risks of him remaining unrestrained not only to himself but others.

People stating that anyone voting Yuno guilty was a pro-life conservative, politicizing her trial as pro-life pro-choice debate. Even going as far to state that Milgram was a sexist series for including her at all.

Futa's was just funny because it was a bold faced admission by the audience that they were in fact too much like Futa to properly judge him. Amongst other things.

Mu's trial was a bunch of people politicizing it in the opposite direction using a bunch of right wing buzzwords like calling it fake news, for some reason bringing race into it from headcanoning her victim as half black, then victim blaming like her victim attacked first so she deserved to die.

Shidou well fuck we need a doctor so go off king. Like it wasn't even about him it was about Mahiru I know who I really cared about here. I couldn't give one singular fuck about Shidou even now. Oh he might hurt Kotoko I don't give a fuck if he does his doctor role what he does in his off time is his business. Nobody was thinking oh my god what about the harm the guy with the medical degree can do to others here when they voted him innocent nobody cared. Like honestly he has a medical degree he can do a lot of harm but that wasn't our problem or main concern.

Mahiru ah see he hung himself and he's probably a cheater anyway. Yes some people thought it was justified to drive a man to suicide for being unfaithful. That was a weird hill for some people to build a house on but they did. I don't know a lot of people just conveniently forgot women cheat and can be abusers as well. I don't know how some forgot that but I wish I were them.

Kazui the guilty shrine- seriously a shrine? Really... Oh also men shouldn't be allowed to get divorces because it makes women look bad. Isn't that what abusive husbands were saying when women wanted divorce rights and fought for things like no fault divorce wild. No one was thinking there yeah go on cook me nothing that would be better than the poison you're trying to disguise as feminism. It'd be less detrimental too.

Amane's second trial really was like,

"Sure her mom kills cats and beats children but we can't forget she's a cult survivor too and being a parent is hard."

Bro as someone with an abusive single mom who did some shit and went through some shit um no that's not an excuse. You can't just go parenting is hard get me my taser or my childhood was hard too it's my turn to beat kids. Like not tobring up Oshi No Ko again but the Amane trial really was just chapter 141 to me in real time (read it because that got messy later in).

"She had to live through the cult too. She was having a hard time as well what about her upbringing? Do you know how hard it is to raise a child by oneself."

Her husband was at work not dead what the fuck did y'all mean by this???

What were these takes? Nobodies trauma gives them a free pass to traumatize others- wait we'll get to you hold up put those dogs back where they came from! She's a single mom of one girl meanwhile the woman with two sons and an absent doctor husband. Not doing any of this shit. She was my rock Shidou says fully meaning it. Yuno mom two kids haven't heard a word about her killing cats or beating kids. Wild it's like it's pretty easy to choose not to do the things she did. Every other shit parent here did decide to be shitty Amane's mom included.

Mikoto oh suddenly your trauma does excuse how you responded to a situation. Work hard, such sad boy. Yeah I can believe the stigmatized version of dissociative identity disorder in this one niche situation. Japan is so backwards of course they'd still write it like this they don't know any better. So, of course the other alter is the evil one and Mikoto is still the goodest of boys- Also dissociative identity disorder isn't real unless you have a certain number of alters that act x specific way that's why there has to be this many.

With a tiny hint of if the child is guilty let's just kill this man too~

Fuck Mikoto he's had it too good. Bitch could have went home in fact we see him do it in the video! Where the fuck was Amane gonna go the streets?! We saw how that worked out in her video. Snitch ass streets, if these streets could talk- Don't worry with snitch advisory they can even if you don't want them to!

Kotoko well if you think she's bad then you don't have real trauma. Also grooming can only be sexual actually I heard the term from twitter and never looked into the act of doing this ever outside of that context. God don't even ask me to define groom as a verb.

So on and so forth. It's been a lot and this all just shit I personally experienced.

Trial two showed us one of the worst aspects of humanity,

Our ability as people to use our own experiences as the blueprint for all life.

Our stubborn commitment to seeing something only one way. Because that's always been how we've seen it. That's always been how it was. Milgram trial two and the audience for better or worse put the definition of closed-mindedness on full display.

Regardless of how inclusive, progressive, or forward thinking people believed themselves to be in the moment. We saw what a commitment to only one way of thinking could cause and who it ends up hurting. I think trial two can teach people that even the most progressive leaning individuals can cause harm.

Even those who want to support marginalized individuals or are marginalized themselves are capable of causing harm. Because when we convince ourselves that the only voice that matters is our own we silence, belittle, and ignore the experiences of those around us. It doesn't matter what politically correct framing a person attributes to their belief if one is being closed-minded it will still harm others and the movement they're purporting to care about.

It will more than likely do more harm to the people one is attempting to help the most whether that is themselves or others. That's the only thing being closed-minded can do.

[xxnashiraxx]

for the fic writer questions: 2, 14, 29, 39, 43, 54, 72! ❤️❤️

Thank you for asking, my love 🖤🖤🖤 You can find the original post here!

2. Do You Plan Each Chapter Ahead or Write as You Go?

Look, I'm not really a "details" person, lol. I have always been shit at planning, which usually turns out to be my Achilles heel. I've gotten really lucky with this story- I've outlined the very basics and noted down key events and plots I'd like to unfold and write during the duration, but mostly I've just started and not stopped writing- thank god this game has quests or I'd be dead in the water. I work around the natural progression of the game, toss in some tropes and silly little things and dialogue, and hope it all works out, and so far it's done just that! I will say this is the most organized I've ever been in writing, and I'm really pleased with what I've done so far- this is the best work I've ever done, and I'm really proud of it. 🖤

14. How Do You Write Emotional Scenes? Do You Ever Feel What the Characters Feel? Do You Draw From Personal Experiences?

I love writing emotional scenes, they can be gut wrenching or joyful and I like to try and emulate what I'd feel when the characters I'm writing about are experiencing those things. I have a lot of angst history, unfortunately, but that's been great in helping me realize what happens to me when I go through those feelings. I like to touch on the senses- smell, sight, sound, touch, all of that. I try to immerse myself in it all like how a panic attack can leave you scattered and how your chest feels tight and that there's not enough breath in your lungs, or how a kiss can make you feel like there are butterflies in your stomach (cliche, but hey it happens) alongside the less glamorous descriptions of sweating profusely and feeling like everything is on fire. Emotional scenes weren't always my strong suit, but I've never looked at them through the lens of how I would feel in that moment, and doing so has really helped me improve.

29. What's Your Revision or Editing Process Like?

This is also pretty scattered! I was smart enough this time around to plan out my fic before I started writing, and in doing so, I spent April to the end of July of this year writing out nearly all of Act 1 for my fic without posting or uploading anything. Now that we're in October, I'm nearing the end of everything I've written, and up until this point, I've taken the week between chapter postings to polish and tweak the third drafts of all the chapters (that had already gone under extensive editing during those 4 months) and sometimes re-write things entirely. It's taken a lot of my free time, hence my shift to an every-other-week release, and as I finish posting all my pre-done material, I will now be writing a chapter the first week and going through edits the second week before posting. I don't plan on burning out, but there's always the chance the release schedule could shift again to accommodate more for my time and best work. 😊

39. Share a Snipper from a WIP.

Aww, I simply cannot resist 🖤 Have some angsty Chapter 12 from With Stars to Fill My Dream stuff since all the snippets I've been posting this month have been horny, lol.

He holds her until she yawns and he guides her back to her tent, a soft trembling laugh tickling his ear when she stumbles over her bedroll. He sits next to her as she gets tucked in, long hair fanned out around her flushed face, while some savage creature tears and gnashes at his chest from within. “Astarion?” “Hmm?” “Sorry about earlier.” He peers into her eyes, watching them grow foggy. “When, darling?” “In the windmill. I… it was really silly of me. I didn’t know how you felt, and I let that… uhh… word? Get in the way? I guess…” She laughs and there’s amusement in her eyes, the alcohol slurring her words. “Anyway, I usually don’t fall for people this fast, I just didn’t want to mess up what was going on between us with my feelings. You just want sex, though, so I don’t have to worry about those anymore.” Oh. He should leave before she reveals any more secrets she intends to keep. Yet… he can’t help wanting to hear them. Part of him wants them like he wants power, like he wants leverage. The other… lingers on the fall-for-people line, the words stuck behind his eyes as she looks at him and continues on. “But we can't do that. I'm sorry that I can't tell you yes,” She smiles, too far gone to realize she should probably shut her mouth. “I misunderstood big time, but I promise I don’t feel that way anymore. You don't want me that way, so we're just friends. We'll never be anything else...” She closes her eyes, exhale shaking out of her lungs with a weary rattle. He sits until her breathing evens and stares at her, odd warring emotions unfolding beneath his ribs. He's confused- confused at what she said, at what she meant, at why she sounded like she was hiding the truth away from him as she spoke, and perhaps even from herself... The creature savages it all, making him finally tear his eyes away. Before he can stop himself he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, before leaving and disappearing into the night.

43. Do You Take A Sadistic Joy in Whumping Your Characters, or Are You More the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" Kind of Person?

Kind of both, lol. I love making them all stupid and broken and then healing them and taking that all away- it's really very cruel, but I'll be damned if they get too comfortable. I would love to take mercy on them, but I'm not a merciful god. :(

54. What's Your Favorite Part About the Fanfiction Writing Process?

I just love thinking of how I could give more depth to situations that I felt could have used it, or grow bonds between characters where I saw a lack of before. I love the imaging part- I usually do this with a bit of music (which, fun fact, is the only reason I'm writing my long fic, thank you Crazy on You by Heart) and I sit and immerse myself in the sounds and lyrics as I think about how they could apply to the situation I'm thinking about and it all comes together. I've planned many scenes in my writing this way and gotten inspiration from them. 🖤

72. What Order Do You Write In? Front of Book to Back? Chronological Favorite Scenes First? Something Else?

I sit at my desk and just go at it, man. I have that loose plan, those key scenes in mind, and I try to fill the gaps in between! I always try to stick to chronological order and go from there, but there have been a few times I've written out a future scene and I love coming up on them when I hit that point only to take a wrecking ball to them sometimes, but at least I had the bones to start and that really helps. 💗💗💗

Thank you for asking, again! I really love doing things like this 🖤🖤

[erin-gilberts]

Getting to know you asks 🤗....

1. What's your go-to treat/snack (coffee/tea, cake/ muffins/cookies, etc)?

2. Would you rather hang out with friends indoors (shopping, arcade, hanging out at home, etc) or outdoors (goof off at the park, take a hike and chat, go to flea markets, etc)?

3. What are 5 of your favorite movies?

4. What are some artists you can listen to on repeat?

5. What's a fun/interesting fact about you?

Sincerely that drive-in mutual 😌👻🚫🎟

Hello @wanderingnelipot! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to answer your lovely ask. It's been a particularly rough couple of months, but I would still love to chat and get to know you better if you're interested!

1. My go-to treat is an iced latte! I used to have a pretty regular routine that on Fridays, I would always go to a local cafe after spin class and have an iced latte and an avocado toast. Cookies are always a good cozy snack for me, and I'm also partial to niche baked goods...whatever a cafe or restaurant considers their specialty and is really proud to be known for. I'm back in my hometown now and my favorite lil place currently has some phenomenal seven-layer bars.

2. I'm down for all kinds but I definitely love adventures. This week, I had a friend over and we made friendship bracelets while marathoning the Ghostbusters movies, which was lovely but a little more stationary than I usually am on my own. Wandering the woods and chatting, exploring a flea market, or goofing off at the park all provide a great opportunity to leave the house and have new experiences in new settings.

It's why I was delighted to see Frozen Empire for the first time in a place far from home - it felt like an adventure!

3. Ghostbusters Answer the Call

Jurassic Park

Bridesmaids

Titanic

Both of the live-action Scooby Doo movies - I think they're such a spiritual ancestor of Answer the Call 😂 I love them unironically; they are so goofy and were so panned but so much fun.

4. I'd most accurately describe my style of music as "crooning lesbians" lol. MUNA has been a staple in my playlist for years. I also associate a fair lot of Taylor Swift's songs with Erin Gilbert / ATC so she gets replayed often, too!

Best introduction to MUNA: "What I Want," "Home by Now," "Everything"

Most Erin songs by Taylor Swift: "Antihero," "All Too Well," "Cassandra"

5. I'm a pretty bold person who has a storied history of doing super wild things to really meaningful ends.

As a young hate crime survivor, I decided to unlearn my fear of the woods and the violence that happens to women within it by making an emotional trek 15 miles into the mountains to the site where another lesbian hate crime victim was killed.

The next year, I drove 12 hours to Toronto to see a 15 minute short film at its premiere. The short film was about the above woman's ^ story, following her partner who survived the attack, and I gambled that the director would be present. He was - his crew actually found the cairn of stones I left at the site. He was moved as hell that I came so far to see the film, and called me out on stage.

In 2022, Paul Feig was launching his cocktail book in the barely post-pandemic landscape, and on about three weeks notice, I impulsively booked a trip to NYC to attend his talk. Again, it was a gamble I'd get to meet him - they weren't announcing he'd be signing books; I just assumed and took the chance. He was! And I got to emphasize to him exactly how much GB: ATC meant to women and queer people, and he was so absolutely moved and chuffed that I brought a copy of Erin and Abby's book for him to sign.

He's since followed my friends and I as we went on a big trip tracing the footsteps of where all they filmed ATC and now recognizes our wee group by name.

So I'm 100% impulsive as hell, but I think it's always to some pretty incredible ends. 🥰

I'm going to leave you some questions in return xx

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

I do really appreciate your comments. I guess my thing was always that I just want to be mindful that my experience isn't universal. I know plenty of cis butches who are harassed in public bathrooms and that's not an experience I've ever had.

But it's nevertheless terrifying because I just never know. Yes I've been lucky so far but like as LGBTQIA folks across the board are more under attack it does feel like is there any way to truly be safe.

That all said I do thank you. I feel like I deal with the guilt a lot less now than I did in the early days of my transition. But every so often it creeps up on me. I just want all of us to be safe and protected and I don't think that's asking too much.

Sorry I'm rambling

I think it's easy, especially online, to let people get you into the "If you have any privilage ever, youre part of the problem" and it's not helping anyone.

Being mindful is important, but being mindful doesn't change that transphobic people exist and will make you a target if they ever get a wiff of it.

Claiming a passing member of an oppressed class is magically removed from their whole class because of passing?? Is insane to me.

ex: I pale more in the winter. I do not pass white. But I've had darker skinned people tell me I pass white because they see privilege where I see white people projecting on me at best. But most white people ask me what race I am because I am only light skinned, still have plenty of poc features especially my hair.

Passing as white would take me effort and gain me nothin but maybe immunity to slurs hurled on the street directly? A slightly better paying job if they don't see my race on any records or information sheets??

When I pass, on rare occasion, it risk ending if I fail to mask or upkeep my appearance for even a second. If I use avve, forgetting that it's not their definition of grammar. If my hair isn't slicked down or straightened to be not tight curls. All of those things have given me away before and it will likely happen again.

Plus I don't do it purposely lmao. I'm proud of being black, so why would I?? For temporary safety?? When systematically they still want me enslaved/dead? Nah.

Passive Privilege and Passing Safety are much of the same thing in original definitions, but one of them doesn't ned you to define it to know it's about prioritizing our right to live safely as who we are. (Because I think some people just get a little too hung up on the word privilege)

[deardesmond]

Dear Desmond,

Hi. I know this is probably awkward, I usually don't send letters like this. Or any letters for that matter, nowadays. But, since I was able to greet all the other new villagers, and you're my new coworker, it only seems fair.

So, welcome to Maple Leaf! I'm Cy, the Resident Representative, pleased to meet your acquaintance. My job is to essentially ensure life on this island is as comfortable as it can be for everyone living here. Meaning I focus on helping out villagers and renovating the island to make it more habitable overall.

I must confess, I'm a newbie to my job. I was given it because I was the only one qualified at the time, and, according to some, I've made good decisions so far. I managed to move in all the citizens you see now, and introduced the store, town hall, and museum to the island. The last two are your reason for being here, as far as I understand, so, I look forward to working together!

It may seem like a lot at first, but, we have a good community behind us and everyone is working together to make this the best experience we can. So if you need anything, or if your housing isn't to your liking, just please let me know. Don't forget to take the time to relax once in a while, this really is a lovely place.

Sincerely, Cy.

Dear coworker,

Don't concern yourself with this supposed "awkwardness". I've never felt more welcome than I did moving here. I appreciate you addressing me directly. I've heard great things about you and, if I'm being honest, I was a little nervous to meet you. This lessens the blow.

I'm Desmond, as you already know. My job will be to oversee the more technical side of things. But, to make a long story short, I'll be dealing with all your paperwork from now on. I admire what you're all doing here, and I'm certain this island's successes are in no small part thanks to you.

I must confess, I'm one as well! That is to say, while I have worked in this line of work in the past, I've never done it on such a large scale. There's no need to list off your accomplishments, I've already read about them, and been told the stories by many of the staff here. You're a local celebrity of sorts, you should be proud.

I don't doubt that, and I look forward to working with everyone. Please, feel free to come to me as well with any help you need. We're coworkers now, we should look out for each other. And don't worry, I certainly will.

Love, Desmond

------------------------------------------------------------

Desmond pulled away his paws from the typewriter, bringing them up to rest his chin. His tail swirled behind him as he considered...all of this. He was sitting at his desk in a wooden though mostly unfurnished room. Boxes lined the walls, yet to be unpacked, let alone touched. He didn't have much, but still. When one traveled so much over the years some items just stuck.

It was so much pressure, to put on one animal. Keeping others happy, his many jobs in service had taught him that wasn't as simple as one thought. Especially when it came to something as personal as someone's hometown, island in this case. Others were quick to turn and become defensive in those cases.

They felt their very homes and livelihoods were under attack. He could only imagine attempting to run a whole society of sorts encouraged that more. It wasn't as if the people here could pack up and leave so easily.

He adjusted his glasses with the wiggle of his nose. Yet, no one so far had given him that impression. When he mentioned the name Cy, there were no eye rolls, no stuck up snouts, nor subtle comments with hidden mesnings. He looked out the window, pastel blue curtains shifting in the wind as its doors lay open. The early morning sunlight was shining through and, outside, as far as the eye could see were trees. He tilted his head and let his ears fall to the side as he inspected the sunspot on the floor with narrowed eyes.

He was a long way from the city.

He carefully took the paper off the typewriter and starting folding it up. He had an envelope prepared just to the side. It had been sitting there for a while now, Cy's address fully written out. He kept it in the opposite corner of where he sat his coffee always, just in case. He could smell the rich, brewed beans from here. A gift from his father as a moving in present. It was the best he'd ever gotten and he took that as a sign.

To think he'd really been all that frightened of someone who clearly just got in over their head... that'd be him soon too.

Well, he though as he let out a huff, blowing past his whiskers, at least it will be something to talk about with him. He finished, ensuring the paper's folds were neat before finishing. We're set out to be good friends already. We have so much in common, after all.

With a sigh and a slight smile, he put the folded paper in the envelope. So it begins.

[that-respiratory-student]

8/19/23 Update

Hi tumblr,

I haven't started school yet, so there hasn't been much to update on. I'm not sure if I talked about my classes for the fall, but I registered for Chem-100 and Biol-107. These are both online courses. I initially was gonna take Chem in-person, but after remembering what it was like going to school last semester, I decided to try to get an online class. My school is a 45 minute drive from my house... I can't drive yet so I have to take the bus which just makes this even longer. They often DID NOT follow their schedule and drivers would just take off if no one was there. Like bro...you're 10 mins early...YEAH NO ONE IS THERE YET. People would complain, nut the drivers suck and would still just take off. Also...LOTS of weirdos on the bus. So, I've opted out.

It was hard to get this Chem class though. It said they had openings, but that it was also waitlisted. Waitlisted usually means that it is full, which this class was not. I really wanted this class, so I could be more flexible so I asked a few people. I asked the professor of the class who never got back to me. I asked admissions who at first told me it's waitlisted and I have to wait... like girl I know you didn't read my email because I said it's waitlisted but also shows open seats... so I emailed admissions again saying something along those lines and then they got me connected with someone who works on the STEM courses. She was able to help me and I finally got in! All the people I asked and they either didn't give a shit or just completely ignored me.

The lesson I learned from this is that if you want something you need to go for it and that people really don't care, so again if you want it you need to put that effort in because no one will do it for you. No one cares as much as you do.

I can't wait for when I'm an RT in a couple years. Time are so tough right now, and I won't even lie those checks would be life changing. I know school will be tough, but I have to get out of this. I hate living like this. We're not even check to check. We're hoping for a miracle every time.

Some more related to RT would be that I finished my general ed more the degree! 7 classes were required and I got 3 A's, 2 B's, and 2 C's. The C's were from when I first started school during the pandemic and I had also just graduated and was dealing with some health issues. I've grown, persevered, and learnt from my mistakes while in school. My grades have been better and I'm proud of myself :)

Now I'm working on the prerequisites for the program. There are 3 and I got one done so far: algebra with a B. I need Biol 107 and Chem 100. I'm so excited to see this all filled out and feel the pride in my chest of knowing that there were tough and sleepless night but I pushed through and will be closer to having a fulfilling career which allows me to live my life the way I want to live it.

That's actually one of the things that drew me to RT was the flexibility and pay. I want to be able to spend half to more than half of my time not working. I want that work life balance that RT can provide. I've had my fair share of health issues. Lots of testing and procedures. I know it can be scary and you're very vulnerable at those moments. I was lucky to have staff that cared for me and helped make those moments less scary. I would like to be able to give the same experience to others. I also have family with COPD and asthma. I have asthma as well. I've had some really bad attacks. I'll work hard to give my patients the best care that I would have wanted for my family or myself.

I know I'll make an excellent RT. I've also considered pediatrics since I have a background with kids and honestly love working with children.

Well that's it for now. Not huge updates, but still some new thing in my life and on my mind.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #173

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Yes.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Yeah, I'm not really shy about this, especially with my female friends. You can find someone physically attractive but not pursue them romantically or truly sexually.

Are your legs freshly shaven? No. As my legs are getting stronger though, and I'm losing weight and just moving more comfortably, I might start doing it again soon-ish. I'm just so, SO self-conscious of how dark and hairy my legs are, but I don't want to hide them my whole damn life. I simply do not have it in me to be confident as a hairy woman, blame society on that one. Anyone seeing them right now mortifies me.

Does your best friend wear glasses? Yes, otherwise he's blind as shit like me lmao

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes, this is extremely normal, especially with my nightmares/terrors.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online by fucking far. I'm so much more open about myself with people online.

Does your family own any land? No.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? Katie.

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? No; not because I don't want to be, they just live primarily in New York and Ohio and I've only seen the ones I still associate with a couple of times. I don't remember my dad's sister at all, and my mom's sane brother is someone I also only have faint memories of; I was particularly close to his wife when I visited, she helped me through a panic attack.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? March 2022.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I've been in a veeeeeeeeeeery slow process of massive weight loss, but now that my hypothyroidism is adequately medicated and I'm being more attentive than ever with what I eat and drink, + exercising some, I've been losing weight again. It's way slower than I want, but I know slower is better anyway.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? It doesn't seem very responsible, however so long as they're not operating machinery like cars and not hurting themselves nor others, adults can do what they want.

Are you looking forward to anything? I don't know what yet, but yeah; Girt's mom wants to plan a family thing to do, which always includes myself and Mom, and I absolutely always love doing family stuff with them. I've been really emotional lately over how ignored me and ESPECIALLY Mom are by both my sisters, and the more I do stuff with my boyfriend's fam and feel actually wanted, it makes the realization of how unwell things really are in my immediate family hurt much worse.

What was the last bad news you heard? Well I've learned our landlord has been mentioning to Mom the possibility of her selling the house, which would kick us clean out of it, so that's cool. I should mention us moving in here was her idea, by the way.

What was your GPA in high school? I know it was over 4.0, but not the exact decimal number.

Do you require a lot of private time? Absofuckinglutely, that's how I refresh and am able to be a tolerable person to be around.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can't play? No.

Have you ever had a parasite before? omfg no I'd rather fucking die. I've had ticks on me before, but nothing internal, and ticks never stayed on long because I've always been horrified of them so I got them off immediately.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? No, I've never been punched at all, and I'd like it to stay that way.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes. It's certainly not a major train station, but it exists.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No; none need that. I recently did give Venus a soak for the very first time because she shed very poorly (I struggle SO FUCKING BAD with maintaining humidity in that terrarium) and I was so proud of her, she did excellent and even seemed to enjoy it; I'm sure the extra hydration was great for her, too. She behaved so well, especially with loosening her eye caps; snakes generally aren't big on their heads being touched, and that goes for Venus too, but there wasn't a single hiss or anything out of her.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? I can see Roman (cat) snoozing in the doorway.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Girt's sister Ashley.

When was the last time you saw them? A few weekends ago.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Hopefully employed (this is what I want more than anything else), maybe living with Girt. I hope I'm much healthier/fitter.

[TW: OVERDOSE/SUICIDE] Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Well yeah, me, but obviously it didn't take me out because I got help fast enough. I know at least one person (but I think more) who died of it, but I'm certain I know multiple people who have attempted. It is sadly a very common way out of life.

Where are your siblings as of now? I know my older sister is on vacation with her family; Nicole's either at home or there with Ash, I feel like she was planning on going where Ash did, too. Maybe for only a day or something, idk, I'm never in the fucking loop of what my sisters are doing.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Anyone emotionally close to me, no humans, but I've lost pets to it, most horrifically in Cali's case because the tumor (I can't recall what cancer) ruptured and was basically crushing her lungs. Dale died of like... thyroid cancer or something, I can't recall, and it's definitely possible that Teddy had something cancerous going on at the time of his death, but I'm not sure on that. His situation was mostly age and definitely something neurological when the seizures started. My rat Tezzeret was euthanized due to cancer in one of his eyes. I ALMOST lost my mom to cancer, she's had it twice and the second go was a literal fucking hair from terminal, but she's impressing absolutely everyone - even her doctors - with how well she's managed. She's strong as a goddamn ox.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yeah, multiple friends of mine are.

When was the last time you got a shot? ugh when I had my last wisdom tooth taken out; they gave me numbing shots of course, but I'm very convinced this dentist went a bit too hard or SOMEthing, like he made me stretch my jaw open as much as I could before doing the injections, and it took MANY days for my jaw in that area to stop hurting, like it was affecting my ability to open my mouth and eat.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yes, and ever since then I've been terrified of cars/driving. It was only my mom's driving skill and quick thinking that saved us from flipping over and the accident being far worse, apparently.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Around a month ago when I got my tattoo finished.

Are you a breakfast person? Yes, I don't understand how some people regularly go without it.

What type of books do you like to read? Young adult fantasy, especially when animals or mythical creatures are involved.

How do you get rid of hiccups? Literally no method works for me; I've had hiccups for over a straight hour on multiple occasions, they don't fucking stop when I start.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Not really, that I can think of.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? When I did drive, yeah, I did. I didn't fuck around with driving safety.

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom, in all honesty Dad did basically nothing to truly raise us.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? Yes, I absolutely love that show. Mom would watch it a lot while I was growing up so I've liked it a long time.

Do you like getting dirty? No, it honestly stresses me out.

Are you a very flirty person? Not in general. I flirt with my boyfriend a lot, mostly in a silly and playful way, but if you're not my s/o, I don't flirt.

Who was your favorite babysitter? One of our childhood neighbors that my sisters and I knew as "Uncle Donny," even though he wasn't related to us. He and his wife Janet were the grandparents of a girl named Jennifer, who lived a few houses down from us and was friends with my older sister Ashley, so they would keep us if needed. They were such a sweet family; Janet's been dead (diabetes complications, pretty sure) for many many years, and it's heartbreaking to realize that by THIS point, Uncle Donny probably is too. They were already up there in age, and Donny was never the same after Janet passed.

Do you believe in the death penalty? In very extreme cases where you show literally no interest in changing as a human and have proven you're a genuine danger to the public, yes. The only devils exist on earth, and a person is absolutely able to become one that no longer has the right to be here. I do wanna emphasize though, I am talking EXTREME cases, and those where there are no "maybe"s about their innocence.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My somehow-once best friend Colleen, because I have never in my life met a person as hateful and self-important as her. It's embarrassing to even say we were ever friends at any point; we've always been immensely different people, but I guess that's what loneliness does to people, you accept any friendship presented to you.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? I'd love to have a video of my and Girt's first interaction, because I'm actually unsure of what it was and I'd REALLY like to know.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Ridden with a driver that was high, probably. It was one of the scariest moments of my entire life, I was scared to tell her no. If we got pulled over, literally both of us would have gone to jail.

Last person you sang happy birthday to? My niece Aubree.

What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I can't answer this, I am way too uninformed on these topics, and there are quite a few forms of government. I CAN tell you capitalism isn't the fuckin way though; living in North America, this is one I know the dangers of. I see it and live it.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? I physically cannot listen to "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I fully expect to experience a panic attack. It's a song I don't even let "play" in my head, I can't.

Last time you saw fireworks? A couple nights ago, out the window.

Do you have a black dog? No, she's white and brown.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? Uhhhh... I guess my go-to would be City Lake, which is a small lake obviously with a big fountain and surrounded by a walking path, and there are lots of metal art sculptures around it to check out. There are fishing spots and also some seed dispensers to feed the ducks and geese, which are really prevalent here because they've LOOOOONG since learned they get fed; the waterfowl diversity is my favorite part. The only other place I can think of is the art + science museum we have here. It's not a great museum, like your big, beloved museum destinations make it look like a shitfest, but it's SOMETHING okay, this place sucks lol. Actually after the lake we can go to dinner at Chico's, it's this Mexican restaurant literally right beside the lake alongside the Tar River. Chico's isn't the building itself, it's a big brick building with a high tower for something, I can't remember what for the life of me, it just includes the restaurant, and I always thought their decor was cool.

Have you been to the capital of your state? Yeah, it's only like, 50-ish minutes away, and I've had many doctors located there. Plus I always go to their Cheesecake Factory on my birthday lol

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV.

[gnj9ata]

Life check point - I can't seem to go to sleep so I decided to redownload Tumblr and do a life check point of my life up to this point for preservation sake I guess. I had a thought of doing that with little videos and posting them to my YouTube channel. It's funny because I read old Tumblr messages on here and try to figure out my state of mind at that time to no avail.

So what is going on in life...

After all of these years, I am doing bumpers for the MCA again or should I call it The Chat Attack now. It's not mines anymore. It stop being that 6 years ago. He did ask me to come back on the show. I declined. I know me and my head. I would just try to recreate something that isn't there anymore. Same reason I keep watching the old bumpers and shows. I tell myself it's for inspiration or getting new ideas for the new bumpers, but it's me reliving the "glory" days. When I had a group of people listening to me. When I had power or control over something bigger than myself. If I am being honest, it feels good knowing I was "Top dog" at one point in time. That I got my idol at one point Korey Coleman to say "Attack the chat" once on a video, even though if I had the opportunity to talk to him about that, he probably wouldn't remember. It was something out of my head...that became real. That's powerful to me and I really want to do it again.

Ms gay is gone. Died from stomach cancer. Her mom had to stay with us for 4 months while Ms Gaye's sister was buying a house. She just moved out a month ago. Interesting experience. It took for her to die for me to know her name was first name was Carol.

Miranda is still missing...I miss her a lot. I told trey. I would have married her. And that is still true I feel. When I get the resources, I am going to find you.

And dan

Dan is still missing....

Find meech as well.

Jett seems happy with Nick. I'm happy for them both. They both deserve that. Had rough lives. It's nice they can finally get something out of it. Not sure if I will ever get married or what not and do that whole children thing. Only time will tell I guess. I could be reading this ten years from now and have all of these things. We will see.

I am kind of just kinda "meh" on the whole thing at the moment. Dating isn't even my main focus.

I work for pottery barn at the moment. Retail support agent. I answer emails all day. Easy ass job. I legit could just sit there for hours and occasionally do work. Sometimes I read a book or just watch YouTube videos. I am know as the "hype man" in the teams room. If I am being honest, it gives me similar feels to what I had with the MCA. People actually look for me and wonder where I am at. It feels nice to feel wanted or when people like to just be in your presence. But is it real? Just like the love I had with the MCA? Does it have an expiration date?

Because I know I will be curious later...

The book is Sophia's World: A history on philosophy. Good stuff so far. Recommend by ruthless. Yeah....still talking to him. He doesn't respect me like he use too. Doing thumbnails for his YouTube or at least I think I am. I haven't gotten work to do on it in a few weeks. We will see if that last.

I do thumbnails for Josh's The Afternoon Tune. Still going strong. Gave me free range on the thumbnails. I'm proud of him. Although everytime I look at the YouTube page, I see MCA DNA. Still friends with the group....we legit been through think and thin together so I think at this point, our relationship as friends...hell as family at this point is soild. I really hope they all respect me, but aren't these the same thoughts I had last time? Before I burned everything to the ground so what do I know? We are all meeting up for the first time as a group in March. Meeting up in New York. I hope everything goes well.

Regardless I know for a fact I have Fernando and Soberna in my corner. I still talk to them. The only folks from staples at this point. Although the Halloween party, I did get to see Angela, josh and Jermaine. That was fucking cool. I am really happy for Jermaine and his husband. Had no idea the dude was gay, but happy for him regardless.

Devon is still Devon.... maybe worst...or maybe our relationship is just really bad. It's almost like resentment now. I don't even like talking to him now. It's like I have already mourned the lost of my brother and he is still here. I am not even sure how to approach this situation at all. Recently had a conversation with mom about how I am frustrated that he gets to give up, but I can't. Even if I had the opportunity to do so, my mind wouldn't let me. I know I would regret all that wasted time. I have stuff I want to do with my life. And I can't stop until those are accomplished. And even then....lol

Anything else?

I am very annoyed in myself that I have forgotten alot of stuff I use to know. After effects, driving, pass books or let's plays I have watched. What was the last let's play I watched?

Can't remember. (Could probably check the YouTube history if I cared enough)

Still working with my therapist on mindpath. Although I am thinking of just cutting it off. I think I May have reached the point of what she can help with. I think this is one of those roads I probably have to finish alone. I have changed my sessions from every two weeks to every three weeks.

I still care about what my mom, my friends, my coworkers.....other people think about me. I still care and haven't learned my lesson yet. What is it going to take for me to finally stop caring? What is it going to take? The improvement junkie stuff is starting to get annoying to. I can't even relax on my off day and using time to think about how to get better at after effects or improve my memory or get better at mental math. I am going through timeline order of the marvel movies at the moment which is alot more fun than I thought. Trying to get back into gaming more with my steam deck. I love that thing.

It's 6 am and I have yet to get any sleep. And I am suppose to be driving to see Fernando and Soberna today. I need sleep....

[theshy1sout]

Six Eared Shadow

Do you remember the analysis about Mei and Red Son? That was me, and I'm doing this again, but now about Macaque and Sun Wukong

Because what the heck why do they hate each other so much

Ok, so this... This is such a messy chaotic really chaotic mix of a few headcanons and theories I made up and it SOMEHOW turned into a fanfic that I wrote so long that other people made many similar things in meanwhile and now this sounds not original at all, but I wrote it not to keep it in my deep hidden shelf so here we go

(It's based on what I know from the lmk series. I've started to read JTTW, but I'm still not so far to get to know anything about Macaque, but I won't change anything about this theory from now on)

Let's gather some basic information for the start.

-> Macaque is made with a shadow or even he is a shadow (kinda shadow demon, the demon of shadow). I mean, shadow is not only his power, he literally is made with shadow matter. We know that because he can not only manipulate shadows but also go through walls and turn yourself into a shadow.

-> I'm not sure if someone made him or he just "poof" out of nowhere just like Sun Wukong, but according to the story he told about how close he and Monkey King used to be, there's no doubt they had some master/student relationship which later turned into almost equal partnership. What is said, Macaque followed Sun Wukong for a long time, learning a lot from him, 'being his shadow'. They grew in power together, fought together, and (as it is said) Macaque started casting as Sun Wukong shadow, which (surprisingly) looks like he did willingly. Just look at the picture - the shadow is big and bright, it’s powerful and smiling, proud of his strength. He doesn’t look like someone forced to be Sun Wukong’s shadow. It shows how much Macaque admired Monkey King, that he wasn't just a friend for him, he was his idol.

-> We all know Macaque is a shadow demon, he can easily change his appearance, he does not have to look like an evil clone of Monkey King, especially if he hates him now or something, SO even if he used to look up at Sun as his ex-student or ex-partner, and now we know he is NOT, he would prefer to not look so similar any more.

He can choose any other look, but he doesn't. Why? Well, maybe he actually cannot. Maybe this isn't an appearance he has specifically chosen, maybe this is his 'basic' comfy form and any other form would just take too much energy to keep up. And looking at the really tiny probability of two very similar monkeys just "poofing" out of nowhere, I dare to say, Macaque wasn't born (I mean like Sun Wukong or any other demon), but he was specifically created. And here is a question: on someone's purpose or not? Maybe the power of great Monkey King was so strong so the part of it just jumped from him and formed into another similar creature, but let me say it's just weird and I prefer the theory of Sun Wukong being so bored and lonely after his master's (Tripitaka) death, and he created a brother for himself from his own shadow. Just to have someone, anyone.

So Wukong created Macaque and then what? He trained him, he taught him everything he knew, maybe even he shared his powers with him. Some great great bonding time. But as Macaque said, something drew them apart. It is visible that Macaque blamed Monkey King for this, for 'forgetting him'. Before speculation of what happened then between them, let's focus on what Macaque showed us what he wants now.

We have two episodes, both show different sides of him. In season 1, Macaque's main goal is to steal Monkey King's power from Mk, and then to very specifically revenge. He visibly does not want to defeat Sun Wukong, he wants to hurt him as much as possible. Look: when Monkey King showed up, Macaque totally forgot about Mk. And then, when he's so close to defeat him, instead of that he turned to Mk and tried to kill the teenager. Mk is just a tool to hurt Sun Wukong.

And we can't forget how Macaque constantly pointed out all the weak sides of Sun, he's basically just saying on and on "you're weak, you're weak, you're so weak, I'm so strong, I'm strong, you are so weak". Which really fits the feeling of being forgotten because he was weaker and Monkey King was stronger, better, glorious and famous. Macaque really feels like that, he really tried to make Sun Wukong feel his pain by dominating him.

On the other hand, we see that Sun constantly striked off him. He said almost nothing to him, just "Aren't you bored of keep being in my shadow? It's time to give back what you've stolen" and that was fricking all. For Monkey King, Macaque is a just shadow, always behind him, something you turn around and leave behind to not see it and to forget, like an unwanted past. An unnecessary problem, that irritatingly keeps returning to him. He does not want to interact to not make even a slight more bond between them, he wants to delete him from his life forever, and omg WHY. At this end of the ep, Sun Wukong did not even mention Macaque. He really doesn't care at all (or extremely tries to not care). His HATE is almost touchable, ouch.

In season 2, Sun Wukong LEFT US ALL ALONE. Macaque showed up again, he played with Mk a bit, and... Left? That's the thing, you see, he doesn't need to hurt or kill Mk. All we see is Macaque talking about his past and then letting Mk experience something the 'hero' in the story should have felt. The guilt. When Mk interpreted his story differently, seeing himself as the warrior, Macaque corrected him. Cause he doesn't care about Mk at all. He heard how Mk told him about what hurt him, and here is a funny point, because if Macaque needs to be understood, listening to Mk and talking with him (such a simple act of empathy, they both needed it then, guh) should have been enough. Mk really felt the 'warrior' character in the story, so he understood what Macaque felt. But surprisingly, that was not what the demon carved.

Macaque chose to make Mk feel like Monkey King at the moment something drew the demons apart. He wanted to force Mk to be sorry, to apologize, to regret his mistakes, cause he failed with forcing Monkey King to feel that. But! Maybe he is not as purely innocent and poorly forlorn. We see the flashback for a half of second before Mk hit him with Staff:

We see Sun Wukong attacking Macaque who's in his demon (true) form.

Let's repeat this: Macaque felt as if a friend left him in the past. He said a friend did this to have all the "hero's glory" for themselves. We know Sun Wukong could do such a thing, especially before he met Tripitaka, but 1. In my theory Macaque is created after Tripitaka's death and 2. If (as my theory said) Sun created Macaque to not feel so lonely, he would never leave him for such a thing. So Macaque hides something for sure, something he did, something so terrible that made Sun Wukong attack him and not want to know him anymore. How horrendous thing Macaque did that made Sun Wukong choose to be alone again and to forget his dear brother he created by himself?

Back to the great bonding time, repeating speculation of "oh maybe they even share the powers" and comparing it to Macaque wanting to steal Mk's power, my theory here is saying:

Sun Wukong taught Macaque the technique of the same powers as he knew, but Macaque overused it (probably wanting to see how powerful he is, probably showing off and killing so many harmless people) doing terrible terrible things. So Monkey King took all of the powers from him and left him alone, powerless, with the last painful words: "Dont you dare to show in front of my eyes ever again". Of course Macaque was hurt, of course he didn't see why he's the bad guy, because he did not care about people at all. And of course Sun Wukong was hurt too.

Maybe he came back to the village Macaque had destroyed and following a quiet crying he found a little baby with a heart so clear and he put into him all Macaque's powers, making them sleep until the time will be right... But back to the series!

Yes exactly. Why did he destroy the lantern and leave? Why did he suddenly lose interest in teasing Mk and stop forcing him to feel guilty?

First thing, he saw Mk is ready to fight for his friends seriously. He still cared so much about them, not like Monkey King about Macaque. That was hard to swallow, that was hard to watch for the demon. That was't the thing he wanted to see. And second, the flashback. Maybe the sudden realization that he actually did something bad. Cause Sun Wukong didn’t just leave him, he cast him out. It was hard to admit that he actually deserved this (or maybe much more), it’s much easier to blame others, not yourself. So Macaque felt “that’s enough” and left. Mk brought him to this uncomfortable point of admitting the truth. Which he didn’t want to. Maybe in the following eps, he will see it, but now Macaque just isn’t ready yet. But the last talk with Mk gives me a little hope. He stopped treating him like a tool or toy, he was actually talking with him like with a person, he even warned him about Lady Bone Demon.

Maybe (maybe) one day he'll see that humans aren't just useless creatures he can carelessly kill, maybe Mk will make him care and realize what he's done, but that's just speculation in speculation, he could die before he reaches that point, maybe he is already dead....

And that's it. That is all I wrote on ao3, but in the fanfic I put much more details and I build those characters up much more than here. This is only rough rough short-saying, I'm really sorry if you read it all

Oh and here is a link if you liked this above i'd love if you read the fanfic thank you

[allegra-writes]

"Cherry"

Peter Parker x SHIELD Agent! Reader

NSFW

Warnings: Smut. Dom!Peter, jealous, Possesive!Peter, rough sex.

Weeks after the island, Peter finally sees you again. But you aren't alone...

Part of the "Fine Line" series but you don't need to have read that first.

Series Masterlist

Peter couldn't breath. His clothes felt stiff and restrictive, the bowtie, suffocating. This was a bad, bad idea. He wasn't cut for this. He was just a Parker, not a Stark, he had spent most his life trying to be invisible, not even getting superpowers had changed that. He had never wanted to stand out. He didn't want to be seen, to be recognized. 

Even Quentin Beck had realized that. That's why he had done what he had, because he knew it would be the best way to ruin Peter's life. It had been almost a month since his return from Eroda, since Pepper and Fury had managed to clear his name and expose Quentin Beck as the fraud he was, trying to frame Peter for his murder with an adulterated video out of jealousy and envy. The greedy, insane employee gone mad after being overlooked in favor of the young intern, chosen by Tony Stark himself to be his successor. Spider-Man had just been doing his job as Peter's bodyguard when the incident at the bridge happened.

That was the official story, and the press had bought it with gusto, plastering the wide eyed boy's face on every cover, every paper, every magazine, every news site. A few weeks later, he was pretty much America's new sweetheart. Everybody knew his name. Everybody knew his face. His anonymity was gone.

Quentin Beck had won. 

And now, there he was, being blinded by flashing lights, walking the red carpet of his first gala as the official heir of Stark Industries… two seconds away from throwing up.

"Breathe, Peter" Pepper whispered to him, voice calm and reassuring, "Just focus on a point above their heads, and keep your head high" 

She took a step forward and Peter couldn't help but stare: she looked like a queen in her white gown, complete with cape and everything. She was an elegant woman but it wasn't just about her beauty, it was about the power, the authority she commanded, every eye in that red carpet had no choice but to focus on her. 

Tony had been like that too, albeit in a different way: charismatic and bigger than life. Peter wondered how anybody could look at him, awkward and pasty, and think he was related to the man. Because he knew what people were saying...

"Parker, how are you holding up, mate?" A tall, blond boy patted his back, pulling him out of his thoughts. Harry Osborn, the only person there to introduce himself to Peter and actually take the time to try and make him feel comfortable. At first Peter had thought it had something to do with his family being the one hosting the gala but the youngest Osborn wasn't exactly famous for his good manners or decorum. 

"I think I'm about to have a panic attack" more like sensory overload, but Peter wasn't sure how could he explain something like that to his new friend.

"Well, you are not hungover and puking on the photographers" The blond flashed him a brilliant smile, "so you're already doing better than me on my first red carpet"

Peter couldn't help the burst of laughter, but far from offended, Harry's grin turned even brighter. The flashes went wild.

"There you go, that should make for better photographs than the deer-in-the-headlights look you were sporting"

Peter offered him a grateful smile,

"Thanks dude, really"

"Don't mention it" Harry shook his head, "You're actually doing me a favor, letting me hang out with you. You're saving me from looking all lonely and pathetic in front of these vultures, since apparently I have been stood up..."

Peter stared at the blond in surprise. With those sharp cheekbones and icy blue eyes, it was hard to believe any girl could resist him. He suddenly felt a lot less bad about showing up dateless. 

"Alright, we've spent about fifteen minutes out here, we can go in now" Harry instructed, already a pro at this kind of event, gesturing for Peter to follow. 

He noticed the whispers as they walked into the massive lobby together, Oscorp and Stark Industries were rivals, just as Norman Osborn and Tony Stark used to be. His mentor used to find the other billionaire shady and his experiments, unethical. Even now, Pepper's and Norman's relationship was strained, at best, so seeing both heirs so friendly with each other was a little shocking. But if Harry didn't care about that, neither would Peter. Whatever sins the father had committed, he wasn't going to hold them against the son. That wasn't Peter's style. 

"So, what do you think of your first gala, so far?" Harry sauntered in front of him, stealing two champagne flutes from a passing waiter and handling one to Peter.

"Oh, I- I don't drink, thank you"

"Good, that's a wise choice, don't change it" Harry praised, taking the glass back and downing that one too. Peter shook his head.

"I like it," He replied, looking around at the huge salon decked in lavished green and silver banners, the tables gilded with intricate floral arrangements, the huge shiny dance floor in the middle. "Stark Industries' is having one for Christmas, but it's going to be held at a hotel…"

Harry made a face,

"Yeah, that would be the norm, actually. But my father wanted to have it here this year, to prove the facilities are safe, you know?"

Peter thought back to that fatidical field trip all those years ago, to this very same building, when he was bitten by a stray radioactive spider that had escaped one of the labs. He hummed noncommittally. He seriously hoped mister Osborn was right, for the good of everyone attending the party, Harry included. Because truth was he really liked his new friend, he made everything easier just by offering Peter his company, by giving him someone his age to talk too, amongst all those old, stuck up gazillionaires that stared at him with curiosity at best, and open contempt at worst. 

But of course all good things had to come to an end, such was the Parker luck. Harry took his vibrating cell phone out of his pocket.

"Would you look at that! It seems my date has finally arrived" He announced, eyes glued to the screen, smitten smile on his face, "One would think an influencer would jump at the chance of being photographed by the press at a red carpet… But not her, of course. No, she arrives an hour late… I'll go find her, be right back, Parker"

That was when he saw you. Entering the ballroom, a siren in your long golden dress, scanning the crowd. You looked stunning, hair longer, lighter, done in elegant waves cascading down your back.   Your smile was dazzling as you found what you were looking for, and Peter didn't see his new friend make his way to you, entranced as he was by your mere presence.

Until he reached your side, and kissed your lips. 

Harry Osborn offered you his arm, and you took it graciously, and he walked you through the room, proud swag on his steps as he introduced you to practically everyone in the party, Peter's heart breaking a little more with every step you took towards him.

He hadn't heard from you since the island, and now he knew why: You had already found someone new. Someone better, more handsome, and classier than Peter. Than the awkward boy you had been sent to protect. 

Because underneath the Stark's money and his spider powers, that was all Peter was: some orphan kid from Queens who didn't belong. Harry could take you on dates to fancy restaurants without mispronouncing the names of the dishes, he could take you walking around his mother's art gallery in the upper east. He, with his aristocratic features, his british boarding school accent, his old family money, was a much better fit for a princess like you. You wanting Peter had never made much sense anyway. 

And you looked good on Harry's arm, better than ever, actually. You looked happy. Peter hated it, and he hated himself for it. 

"Parker! I want you to meet my date, Sixtine Boucher, influencer, it girl, philanthropist..." Harry was saying, suddenly in front of him, but Peter wasn't listening. You were there, close enough to touch, in the flesh. He could hear your heartbeat, smell you, sunshine and sweetness under the chemical tang of your expensive perfume for the first time after so long and it was almost overwhelming.

"S-Sixteen?"

"Sixtine" You corrected him, sighing as if it was something you did all the time and you were tired of it, "Bonsoir, Peter."

You sounded… funny. 

"You know each other?" Harry's voice asked, politely curious.

"We met during vacation, at the…" You trailed off, eyes meeting Peter in a silent request to play along, disguised as a struggle to find the right words, “... Comment dis-tu ‘plage’ en anglais?”

"Beach" Provided Peter, his brain catching up at last "Yeah, at the beach… when I was on vacation… a-at the french riviera"

"What a small world!" Harry chuckled but it sounded nervous, uncertain. No doubt he could feel the tension between the two of you, growing with every passing second. Along with Peter's understanding. The hair, the dress, the french accent? It was a costume, you were a spy after all. You weren't there for leisure, you were there for work. This was a mission. Harry was your target, or maybe your cover. Whatever it was, it wasn't you. It wasn't real. 

But then again, had Peter really met the real you? After all, not that long ago he had been your mission too…

When the next waiter passed in front of him, Peter stopped him. It probably would no nothing to his spider metabolism, but alcohol was looking more and more like a good idea. He had a feeling he was going to need all the help possible to get through the night. Harry arched a brow but luckily didn't comment, as he was beginning to get a clearer idea about how you and the brown eyed boy knew each other.

A glint on your cleavage caught Peter's eyes and he frowned. There, hanging from a long gold chain, nested between your breasts and almost completely hidden by the, admittedly low cut, neckline of your dress, rested a familiar crystal sunflower. The cheap jewel didn't match your cover, or your outfit, the only reason why you could be wearing it, was him. 

He nodded, almost imperceptibly, letting you know he understood, and you let out the breath you were holding. 

But awareness didn't make watching you, plastered to Harry's side all night any easier. It didn't stop him from seeing red every time you called Harry "baby", the endearment close enough to the "baby boy" you used for Peter to feel like a betrayal. It definitely didn't save the glass of wine he was holding from shattering under his grip as he saw you sneak outside of the room with him in the middle of dinner.

"Peter! Are you alright?" Pepper fussed over his hand, looking for cuts, and motioning to a waiter to help clean the shards of glass from the table.

"Yeah" He murmured, distractedly, eyes never leaving the doorway you had disappeared through, "I-I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me"

He didn't even wait for Mrs. Stark's reply as he got up from the table, giving chase to you and your date through corridors and elevators, following your giggles and the faint trace of your perfume. His persecution led him to the upmost floor of the building, where a single mahogany awaited him, but the fingertip scanner on the lock told him he wasn't going to be able to open it. 

He cursed, barely catching himself from making a dent on the wall with a punch. You were doing your job, that was all, he repeated, like a mantra. Whatever was happening behind that door meant nothing. You were wearing his sunflower, that had to mean something, it had to.

After a few minutes, that felt like hours to him, the door opened.

"Peter! Shit, I was hoping you would be smarter than to follow me!" You hissed, as he pushed you back, stepping inside the room and closing the door behind him.

"Where is Harry?" 

"Knocked out in the bathroom" You pointed at a door by the side. Peter took a look around the room, by far the biggest, most luxurious office he had ever seen in his entire life. And he had been inside Pepper's so that was saying something. The view of the Manhattan skyline through the floor to ceiling window was nothing short of breath taking. "I just needed him to get in here"

"Right. Of course. I knew that" 

You squinted in suspicion at his flat tone,

"Pete, are you… jealous?" You smirked, amused. But Peter wasn't in the mood for your teasing, his patience finally reaching its limit.

He was on you in a heartbeat, pushing you back against the wall, caging you with his body. There was a dangerous, possessive spark in his eyes that you had never seen before. One that promised trouble for you. 

"So what if I am?" He challenged, bracing himself on one hand on the wall next to your head, the other one slipping through the high slit on the skirt of your dress, fingertips digging on the sensitive skin at the inside of your thighs, "So what if every time I saw him put his hands on you tonight, I wanted to break his fingers? What if every time he kissed you, I felt like dying?" 

The pain was evident in his voice, breaking your heart a little. But this was you, you were a special agent, this was what you did. Peter had said he wanted you, wanted to get to know the real you. Well, this was it. 

"I'm not going to apologise for doing my job…" 

"I'm not asking you to" He interrupted

"Then what are you asking of me?" 

Peter pinned you with a long, considering look and you did your best not to squirm under its intensity.

"I'm not asking anymore, mon chérie " he finally spoke, "I'm taking"

He crushed his mouth, and his body, to yours, trapping you under his familiar weight and, for the first time since returning from the island, you felt home. He tasted like wine, and the cherries from dessert and heat. You had almost forgotten how his warmth felt like sunlight against your skin, until every starved pore opened to soak him up. His teeth grazed your bottom lip, making you moan. God, how you had missed him on your lips! 

You must have said it out loud, because you felt his smile against your jaw as he broke the kiss to let you breathe. 

"Did you, now?" He inquired, nuzzling down your neck, "Where else did you miss me, cherry?" 

You felt his long, talented fingers find their goal, tugging your underwear to the side, slipping into you with no warning once he realized how ready you already were for him.

"Did you miss me here? Did you miss me inside you?" 

There was a buzzing in your coms and the reality of what was about to happen, andwhere it was about to happen hit you like a bucket of cold water. 

"Peter, wait, not here!" Peter ignored you, lips latching onto the spot just under your ear that Peter knew made you see stars. He couldn't wait, couldn't tear himself away from you, from your body. You were already breathing hard and he knew your halfhearted resistance wasn't going to last much longer. He speeded up the movement of his fingers inside you, tearing an involuntary cry out of your mouth. He was working you expertely, wave after wave of wetness bathing his hand, undeniable proof of your pleasure. 

"Gonna leave so many pretty marks on you..." He promised, puncturing his words by biting down, hard, on the column of your neck, "Everybody's going to know who you really belong to..."

"Peter, please!" You sobbed, implored.

"Want me to stop baby girl? Really?"

You shook your head no. You didn't, you couldn't. Fuck the mission, fuck Oscorp, you only wanted to feel him. It had been too long, way too long. You took your coms out of your ear and smashed it under your hill. You'd deal with Hill later. 

Peter slid the straps of your dress down your shoulders, lowering his face to your exposed chest, all wet lips and hot tongue as you hurriedly undid his button and zipper, finally freeing his angry, hard member. You pumped him once, and he bit on your nipple with enough strength to draw a single, sweet drop of blood. 

"Oh god… feels so good" Peter's words were muffled against your collar bone, as he stretched you, burying himself deep inside you, as far as he would go, "being one with you again…"

"I missed you" You confessed, "so much, baby boy!"

Peter leaned back, stormy eyes capturing yours, holding you hostage,

"Oh no, my cherry, after your little stunt calling Harry baby all night?" He tsked, "No, you don't get to call me that anymore… now, you're gonna call me 'daddy'"

With that, he started thrusting up into you roughly, hips almost cruel in their onslaught as they slammed into you, truly railing you against the wall, unyielding, unrelenting. You wrapped your arms and legs around him, holding on for dear life, taking what he gave you like a good girl cause that was what Peter needed from you. 

But god, did it feel good! His large thick cock, hard as vibranium, stretching you to your limits, a fit so tight you could feel every bump, every vein, as he hit all the secret spots inside you, tearing the pleasure out of you. Your orgasm was building fast, so fast it made you dizzy with the way all your blood rushed to your center. As your walls began to quiver around him, and you met Peter's fierce, furious face, you knew he wasn't going to be satisfied with just the one. Oh, no, he was going to rip out at least one more orgasm from your ravished body before releasing you. Undoubtedly not before marking you from the inside with his own release, you had long ago learned Peter was animalistic like that, all higher reasoning disappearing when it came to making you his. 

"Tell me you're mine" he breathed, demanding, against your cheek, hand sneaking between your bodies to tease your pearl, making you explode in sensation, and prolonging your climax, keeping you there where he wanted you, right on your peak until you were at the edge of sanity, your brain unable to process that much pleasure so suddenly and for so long.

You tried, but you couldn't remember how to form words, the only sound leaving your lips a delirious,

"Peter!"

"Say it, my cherry" he insisted, feeling his own release approach much quicker than he would like, but it just had been so long, and he had missed you so much and you just felt so fucking good  "let me hear you say you're mine as I make you come again…"

"Yes!" You cried, finally finding your voice, "I'm yours, Peter… only yours!"

"Damn right… all mine… only mine…"

He was almost there, and judging from the way your muscles were tensing and locking around him again, Peter knew you were too. But something was going on outside, his super hearing catching the sound of the elevator doors, and footsteps on the hallway. Still, he couldn't stop. He was so close, so fucking close… He had to come, had to make you come, before they did. There were voices outside, one of them he even recognized, telling the others to stop, to listen. Peter sneaked an arm around your waist, getting you away from the wall, moving you up and down his cock at inhuman speed, and he finally felt you fall apart. He came with a final cry of triumph… right as the doorknob started to turn. 

Faster than any human could, he ran behind the door, with you still in his arms, to buy himself a couple of seconds as he slipped out of you, fixing your dress so you were completely covered before even thinking about tucking himself back inside his pants. 

"Oh, for fucks sake!" Norman Osborn's exasperated voice was the first thing your pleasure addled brain was able to process as you stood on shaky legs, Peter's frame still hiding you from view. He took of his suit jacket, helping you put your hands through the sleeves and fastening it close.

"Put down your weapons, you goons! High security breach?.. Horny teenagers are not a menace, I should know!" Norman was still yelling at his guards. Peter turned around to face the old man, and you muffled your histerical laugh against his sweaty back, breathing him in. 

"S-sir… sorry, we-we we-were just" Peter babbled, trying to catch his breath.

"Oh, save it, boy! I know exactly what you were doing, this whole place stinks of sex!" 

You snorted and Norman finally seemed to notice who you were,

"I'm sorry, weren't you my son's date?"

You could only laugh harder.

"He passed out" provided Peter, as innocently as he managed, "in the bathroom"

"He's in the…" the billionaire's eyes widened, "Wait, you… you three were…"

"He really liked Peter" You announced, unhelpfully, fake accent restored. 

"Ignore her, please" Peter sounded apologetic, not wanting the blonde boy that had so kindly offered his friendship to him to face unjust consequences for his own fuck up "Harry has nothing to do with this. My girlfriend was just trying to make me jealous. It worked. Harry's only mistake was to get drunk"

Norman rolled his blue eyes, so alike his son's,

"A common mistake for him. Trust me, boy, you don't need to make excuses for him… God knows I got tired of making them myself a long time ago." He sighed, gesturing to his guards to check on Harry inside the bathroom.

"Now, get out of here, both of you, so I can call the cleaning crew… not Tony's son my ass, this is the exact same shit your father used to pull at all my parties!"

Peter opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but you tugged on his arm, it was pointless to try and deny it, Osborn senior was never going to believe him. 

Peter took your hand,

"Right. Of course… we'll be… going, then"

You chuckles at his cute, nervous babbling became a full on belly splitting laugh as you ran out of the office and locked yourselves inside the elevator. 

"Oh my god, his face!" You clutched at your stomach, doubled over, "that was… the best alibi in history! They didn't even search me!!" You showed Peter the tiny pendrive with S.H.I.E.L.D's logo where you had copied all the information inside Norman Osborn's computer. Peter tilted his head in confusion,

"Six, where were you even keeping that?!" Osborn's security might ot have searched you, but his own had been… pretty thorough. 

You merely winked, 

"Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?"

This time, it was Peter's turn of barking a laugh. He pulled you to him, kissing your forehead.

"Come on, let's find Happy and tell him to get the car. I want to get out of here…"

And he was taking you home with him. 

To be continued...

[that-wildwolf]

I was tagged by @crescentbunny and I'm not tagging anyone in particular because I never really have a good grip on who's already done a tag game and who hasn't...

Anyway! Here goes :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I write lots of one-shots, so this should be around thirty... Yep, twenty-seven.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

Where do you check that? You can check that???

*spends approximately 10 minutes going through AO3 settings they didn't know existed*

Cool! A lot of features I didn't know about. Anyway, um. Yes. My total word count is, for the moment, 471,674 words.

Wow. I. Um. Almost 500K words. But—and this is extremely important—I feel like this graph contains some vital information:

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Wow. Okay. I'll do this in chronological order because I never really counted.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Inheritance, Assassin's Creed, The Wolf Among Us, The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Attack on Titan, Fallout, Sarah Jane Adventures, Elder Scrolls, Mass Effect, Steven Universe. I don't think I missed anything...?

That adds up to 13.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Of course I do! I thrive on feedback! Not implying that my entire self-esteem hinges on the approval of strangers on the internet, but comments are the best fucking thing ever! Instant serotonin for a whole day! Of course I'll reply! I love getting into little conversations with my readers, too!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Wow. I'm usually more of a happy ending kind of person, but A New Quest (which I wrote at the super proud age of 11) did end with half of the main characters dead and a memorial service for them as the last scene, so... You know. If you consider that angsty, then sure.

Fun fact: Crossing A Line was actually originally supposed to end with Shepard dying! The last chapter (which to me still feels a bit out of place) was rewritten completely. I'm glad I changed it, though. I'm having a lot of fun with the sequel!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

A month ago I'd have said Waiting Between Worlds without second thoughts—does it count as a happy ending when the whole fic is just a happy ending?—but it's just been going downhill the last three or four chapters. Pretty much every one of my one-shots in the When I Need You series. Also, Crossing A Line, I guess, now that it has a happy ending.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I... really don't. I'm wildly ace, all my sex knowledge comes from smut and porn and I'm pretty sure that if I were to actually write the adult stuff, I'd either go way overboard and make it too obscene to read or end up with something completely dry and clinical and unreadable too.

When there's sex scenes in my fic, I usually leave them implied. I say the characters had sex, but I never explicitly write the actual sex. I don't think I'd be good at it. (Actually, I've tried plenty of times and I know I'm not. It's the dirtiest, kinkiest filth you'd ever see and I'd really recommend against reading it.)

I do like writing the pre-chorus to sex, as it were, though. The sensual foreplay to the sexual foreplay. The soft or heated moments leading up to the act. I've even gotten comments about my lime being "extremely hot despite not being smut" and I'm more than happy with that description.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the strangest one you’ve written?

I used to write crossovers. Now I only sometimes write AUs based on a different fandom, like a Shakarian Kimi no Na wa!AU.

The strangest crossover I've ever written? Don't know if any of them were strange. I had The Wolf Among Us/The Walking Dead crossovers and Doctor Who/Sarah Jane Adventures crossovers, but both of those pretty much exist in the same universe already, so... No. No weird crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not. At least none that I know of.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. Plenty. A lot. I'd wager around 4 out of 5 comments on my Shepard Twins fanfic are negative. I haven't updated the fic in a while, but that doesn't mean I'm not writing anymore. I have around 50K words' worth of WIP of it. So no, the hate comments don't bother me. (A lie: they bother me a lot. They even make me cry, sometimes. But they're not gonna be the reason I stop writing a story I enjoy.)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

My very first fanfiction writing experience, actually. In retrospect, I think that worked out great, because that kind of cooperation made it easier to carry the whole thing through, get it to the end, and was a very positive experience - which is probably why I've continued to write fanfic.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Ahhh. Royai or Shakarian? Royai or Shakarian? Stupid, since they're almost the same relationship dynamic, but they're both amazingly written. I'm edging a bit more towards Shakarian, because interspecies stuff is always a bonus. Still, it's a close competition.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I wish! I've translated other people's fics, but I've yet to have someone do that for me.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I plan to hope to finish all my WIPs.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. This is going to come off as boastful, but I think I'm pretty good at replicating individual characters' speech patterns.

What are your writing weaknesses?

According to my beta, I use elispses too liberally. According to me, I have trouble with transition scenes. I never write in order, so I always end up with disconnected scenes I need to join into a chapter. And the join parts don't even come easy to me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Not a fan. (When I write fanfics in Polish, I sometimes use English, but that's not the same because everyone in Poland knows English anyway.) If it's a made-up language in the fandom, I like to include some words every now and then in dialogue - especially when it doesn't translate exactly. I love spotlighting cultural differences. I actually learned a load of Jel words for my Murkmire fanfics.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Good times. Damn, that was a long time ago. *suddenly gets the overwhelming realization that they've been writing fanfic for the bigger part of their life* ...Wow.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Big Spoon/Little Spoon, a short Shakarian one-shot exploring the psychology of the Spacer background a bit. I also used lighting in a really cool way in this one! I'm really proud of it. Even when I call it "the Spooning As A Metaphor For Nationality Issues fanfic", I mean it in an affectionate way.

As far as non-one-shots go, I'm going with Crossing A Line. It's got it all: Enemies to Lovers, language barrier, interspecies awkwardness... Plus, writing from Garrus's POV is always a treat. I get to refer to humans as "aliens". What more could you want?

[makeste]

I was originally going to send this message declaring my undying love for your metas and chapter reviews aND THEN - AND THEN MAKESTE - I READ THE ANSWER WHERE YOU SAID YOU WERE ARO AND THAT MAKES ME SOOOOO HAPPY. I'm aroace and it is SO FRUSTRATING to want to consume platonic or familial interaction between people and CONSTANTLY only get romantic or sexual. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU CONTRIBUTE

woooo up top! solidarity lol.

for me it’s like... I don’t know if “frustrating” is the word I would use, but I do wish there was more gen out there. and that’s also something I’ve felt awkward about wanting in the past, because my early fandom years took place in a time where slash was much less of an everyday commonplace thing than it is now, and liking it was still a fairly controversial thing. the internet was a much more openly homophobic place than it is now. like, picture the purity police of modern day tumblr, but if they attacked any kind of non-heterosexual relationship as being sick and perverted and wrong. that was pretty much the general vibe. this was before AO3, and people who wrote slash often didn’t post it on ff.net and only posted it to their own private blogs and/or locked and moderated communities instead just so they wouldn’t be harassed. and there was absolutely no canon representation out there at all, or next to none. it was very much a “[rolls eyes] oh the yaoi fangirls are at it again” sort of thing where non-cishet relationships in fiction and fanfiction were at best not taken seriously at all, and at worst were treated with outright scorn and disgust.

and so like, with this being a common attitude at the time, I felt guilty for not always wanting to read slash myself. like, I don’t mind reading about romantic relationships at all, but for me there also has to be some other kind of element in play as well, or else it’s just not going to click for me. if a fic is just romance, just a lot of pining and slow burn stuff without anything else really going on in the plot, I just get bored and disinterested. I almost want to use the word tired, even though I’m not sure that makes much sense. I just can’t connect to the emotions, and so I disengage pretty quickly. and so I tend to steer clear of time-honored fandom staples like coffee shop AUs or And They Were Roommates, just because for me there’s rarely anything there for me to latch onto. I like angst, but I can’t relate to “so and so doesn’t feel the same way about me”, or “I want to be with them so bad but I don’t know how to confess”, or “they’re with someone else and it hurts like crazy every time I see them and know we can’t be together”, because none of those are emotions that I have ever personally felt, and I just can’t make myself feel them. what I can relate to are things like “this person makes me feel safe”, or “I feel a strong connection to this person”, or “I trust this person more than anyone else” because those feelings aren’t exclusively romantic in nature. I can relate to closeness and caring and love and affection and trust, but what I can’t relate to is the feeling of having a single person occupy all of your thoughts all the time, and very badly wanting to be the most important thing in their life as well, and feeling incomplete otherwise.

but anyway I spiraled away from the point I was trying to get to, which is that for a long time I actually felt guilty about feeling this way. because even though it’s rare to find fanworks where gen/platonic relationships are at the center, actual canon is chock full of said relationships. and so it’s like, what right do I even have to complain when I get to read all the time about so and so being friends, but the people who actually want them to be in a relationship in the actual canon so rarely get to see that actually happen. because that much has not changed in the past 20 years, even though society has become far more accepting of LGBTQ+ relationships. most canons are still far more likely to tease a non-hetero ship -- on purpose, even, hence why queerbaiting is a thing -- than actually commit to it. and so I often feel like I have no right to voice my desire for more genfic, because genfic has never faced the same kind of scrutiny as slashfic. gen has always been acceptable, and there is plenty of canon representation of platonic and non-romantic relationships, and so it’s not something I have any business whining about.

and even now I feel fairly uncomfortable voicing this lol. I write almost exclusively genfic myself, and up until very recently, I’ve always defined gen in my head as being just a lack of romantic or sexual content, rather than being its own distinct category. I think that’s one of the reasons it took me so long to realize I was aro (that, and I’d honestly never even come across the term until just a few years ago). for me, my lack of interest in romantic affection always felt more like a lack of identity rather than an identity in and of itself. I always felt like I was missing something. and for a very long time it never occurred to me that this might be a permanent thing; I just figured, okay, I just haven’t had this feeling yet. it just hasn’t happened for me yet. but eventually it would, and I just hadn’t met the right person, or whatever. but it was never anything I particularly wanted, and I never felt like I was missing out on anything by not having it. I never felt any kind of longing for it or felt incomplete without it. I was actually perfectly content!

but because society treats romantic orientation as the norm and places such a huge emphasis on it, I still had the uncomfortable feeling in the back of my head that if I never fell in love with someone and never wound up having a relationship with someone, my life would somehow be less meaningful and whole. like, we’re raised to think that romantic love is basically the pinnacle of the human experience, the purest and truest emotion that anyone can feel. and at the same time, there’s this idea that a life without that kind of love is just sad and unfulfilling and tragic. and so for a very long time my experience with my own aromanticism was characterized by me thinking of it as a lack of something that everyone else said was very important. and it took a long time to realize that that wasn’t the case, and that it was a valid orientation all its own and not just a matter of me being deficient in some way. and that was actually such a relief to finally come to terms with. I can be whole and complete on my own and still have a rich and fulfilling human experience even if I never experience romantic love, and that’s fine. I’m not missing anything. I’m not wrong for feeling like I’m not missing anything. it’s fine to be content with just me as I am. like, holy shit. and that was such a weight off my shoulders to finally get that.

I once wrote a fic which I was and still am very proud of. it was a genfic, and it had a really intricate plot with a big twist at the very end. and there was a ton of emotion in it, and it got very intense at times, because these were two characters who cared a lot about each other and would literally die for each other if they had to, and I’d put them in a situation where that possibility was very much looming over their heads at every turn. and I really put everything I had into trying to convey that kind of bond as strongly as possible. like I poured a ton of my heart and soul into that fic. and the responses were almost universally positive and kind and made me really happy.

there was one response though, that still sticks with me to this day. it was by and large very positive, just like the others. but it ended with a single sentence that, at the time, kind of just lowkey gutted me. Not gonna lie though, would have loved some slash in there.

like, that just cut me. way more than this person actually intended, I think. I’m pretty sure they just meant it as an offhanded comment, not even a concrit or anything. just “haha would have loved it if they’d kissed though lol.” but it stung. because this was something I’d put every ounce of emotion that I could conjure up into. and even though it wasn’t mean to be hurtful in any way, to me that comment read as “this is still missing something.” because there was no romance, the fic was incomplete. the characters’ feelings were incomplete. even though I’d struggled so much to convey all of these complex emotions which to me were so real and powerful, and even though the comment even acknowledged that I had by and large done so effectively, to me the single takeaway that stuck was that the feelings were less meaningful because there was no romance.

and that felt like a failing on my part. I even apologized for it. and here we are, ten years later, and that comment still pops up in my head any time I feel the urge to talk about a popular ship which I support but which I also enjoy as just a friendship. “just” a friendship. I still feel guilt over that. I still feel this urge to overexplain that I’m not trying to invalidate the actual romantic ship. I worry that I’d be perceived as ungrateful and/or a bad ally if I ever just came out and said “I wish there was more gen” like you were able to say so freely, anon. I worry about people getting offended if I were to say “I headcanon so and so as being aroace” because it might be viewed as an attack on their ships, or as latent homophobia, or something. like I have this paranoid fear that people might take it as me being puritanical and all “oh no, icky sex” or whatever, and so I end up just never bringing it up at all.

and that’s the thing about aromanticism, though; it’s so easy to just never talk about it at all, because for so many people it is just defined as a lack of something, rather than a something all on its own. it’s so easy for it to be something you just never bring up, and which just kind of quietly exists as the boring, bland, inoffensive yet uninteresting lack of a relationship; the default blank slate that most everyone is dying to fill in as soon as possible, except for you. and I’ve gone on thinking about it that way myself for so long that I’m still struggling now to sort out how to embrace it as an actual identity. it’s something I still have a lot of work to do on I guess.

anyway! so that all got very long and rambling and personal, far more so than I intended; clearly I have a lot of pent up thoughts and feelings about this lol. I guess I probably could stand to talk about it more, since the evidence would indicate that I clearly want to. but eh, baby steps. but anyways you are super valid anon and thank you so much for the love and comments. <3

[valkyrieofsmut]

Double stuffed birthday

Stucky x Reader

Descriptions:  (Y/n) has huge crushes on her neighbors, but they’re in a relationship- with each other. She’s sad to miss out, thinking they’re both only into men, but wants the best for them. Until one night she hears a woman’s moans coming through the wall... Afraid to hurt one of them, she has to come clean about what she heard, and finds out that- maybe she has a chance after all...?

Types: Double penetration, threesome, two guys one girl, virgin reader, preparation, smut!

Warnings: None, I think.

Words: 3347 

A/n- THAT’S RIGHT! DOUBLE STUFFED BIRTHDAY! BECAUSE! I’M... A DORK! *sigh*... This Ask came from forever and a day ago (You can see how far behind I am... )

Masterlist

Story!

(Y/n) wanted something special for her birthday… 

She was tired of sitting around admiring the two super soldiers who were her great friends, and had been since they moved in a couple of years ago. 

It had started as any other day; her getting home from work, checking the mail, planning what to make for dinner. The only difference had been that there was a moving truck outside. 

When she'd gotten up to her floor, she saw boxes all over the hallway, and, while being careful and watching her feet to not trip over them, she didn't see the bulky man coming around the doorway next to hers, who then nearly mowed her over, but caught her with his quick reflexes. 

She later brought them cookies as a welcome to the building treat, and they invited her to have dinner to get to know each other. 

It was a wonderful night, and they became great friends. 

.

The next while was nice, showing them movies, finding out that they were, in fact, Captain America and Bucky Barnes, best friends, comrades in arms, roommates, and… a bit more. 

Truly, not many could understand the life they'd lived; WWII veterans would understand the life and the war, the Avengers would understand that part of the fighting they'd gone through, but since the other experimental subjects that had been with Bucky had been… terminated… they were the only supersoldiers left in the world- that were known of, anyway. And even then, Steve could never quite know what Bucky had gone through as a prisoner of war, tortured and experimented on; after all, Steve had been able to volunteer for the supersoldier program. 

So it made sense that they had gone from bffs to bffs with benefits, since they were really the only ones they could completely trust with themselves. 

It made (Y/n) a bit sad, wishing that she'd have a chance with them, but it was hard to be jealous when they were both good friends and they were happy together. 

That certainly didn't keep her from dreaming, though… 

And dream she did. 

Being a virgin did nothing to stop her imagination, and it's no wonder with the internet and the plethora of erotic stories. It all gave her a wealth of fantasies to pull from when she was alone. 

Even if she had to be very quiet, since their bedrooms apparently shared a wall. 

How awkward would it be the day after to see them in the hall and have one of them comment, "so hey, I heard you screaming mine and my partner's name in orgasm last night…" 

Yeah… That was definitely something she wanted to avoid. 

They tried to return the favor as well, it seemed, since sometimes she could hear them, just barely, keeping quiet as they were intimate. 

She… may or may not have joined in privately those times… 

So, when she heard a woman crying out one night, she was understandably a bit distressed thinking that one of her friends had cheated on the other. 

It ate at her for a week. She wanted to talk to them, needed to talk about it, but she didn't know who it was, and she didn't want to hurt one of them. 

Finally, she couldn't hold it in any longer, and knocked on the door, greeting Steve when he answered. 

"Hey, (Y/n), how are you doing?" 

"I- I'm…" She took a breath and turned to him, pushing it out, but awkwardly wishing she could pull it back halfway through, "I heard- so-omething- the… other day…" 

"I'm sorry…?" He offered, completely lost, but able to tell she was distressed by whatever she'd heard. 

He was so kind- his face showed he was so sweet- 

(Y/n) didn't know what to do! 

She couldn't imagine this sweet teddy bear of a man cheating, and she definitely didn't want to hurt him! 

"I- I'm sorry, I- heard something in- uh, from, the bedroom…" 

His cheeks flashed the lightest shade of pink, an apologetic smile tilting his lips. 

"What's up with Dolly?" Bucky asked from the doorway to the kitchen. 

(Y/n) felt panic building in her veins. 

Oh shit- 

What do I do?! 

"Apparently we were a bit loud the other night," Steve answered, his eyes still on hers. 

Oh god- she could feel her blood rushing in her ears! Heat spreading over her body- knots forming in her stomach-! 

"No- no, I-! Um! I have to g-" She stopped. "I don't want to ruin your relationship but I heard one of you in the bedroom with a woman!" 

Having word vomited her news out, she desperately wanted to leave. She hurried to turn and do so, but Steve caught her arm. 

“Wait, wait, wait. You what?” 

(Y/n) could feel the panic building in her stomach, making her feel a bit nauseous. “I heard- I heard someone in the bedroom- I heard a woman in your bedroom- I- I’m sorry,” she told them, starting to breathe heavily with her panic. 

Steve and Bucky shared a look, then looked back to her. 

“I- I have to go- I’m-” 

“Hey, hey,” Steve cooed, trying to calm her down, used to Bucky’s panic attacks. 

Bucky tossed the potholder in his hand on the counter and headed over to help calm her. They stroked her back, murmuring calming words to her until she could catch her breath. 

“I- I’m sorry- I just- didn’t- want to hurt- you guys,” she told them. 

They shared another look and looked back to her, an apologetic look in their eyes. 

“W-well, I guess this is how you find out,” Steve commented softly. 

“F-find out- what?” 

Bucky cleared his throat and looked away, muttering something to himself and rubbing his metal arm. 

“We’re not gay, (Y/n)...” 

“B-but I thought-” She blinked in confusion, her words leaving her. 

“I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding,” Steve told her, still holding onto her to give support. “We’re not gay; we’re bi…” 

Bucky cleared his throat and gave a crooked smile to the wall he was staring at. “Yeah, ahem, S-Steve might not have gotten many dames back in the day, but, uh-” 

Steve snorted. “Bucky got lots of ‘tail’.” 

“U-uh- oh! Oh… wow… I- I’m sorry I came bursting in here like- like a crazy person,” (Y/n) told them, feeling her embarrassment replacing the panic. 

As she’d left, she was sure that she’d heard Bucky telling Steve, “see? This is why you don’t make the plans. What the hell kind of plan was that anyway?! You gave her a panic attack!” 

. 

And now, a month later, when she was getting closer to her birthday, she’d decided to bring up her request. Just between friends, people she trusted, the three of them- she wanted them to take her virginity. 

. 

Steve looked at her in shock. “Y-you’re a virgin?” 

“Yeah…?” (Y/n) answered, not understanding why that was strange; everyone was born a virgin, so everyone was at some point in their life… 

“But- but like, actually a virgin,” Bucky reiterated. “Not- not like ‘I’m a “virgin” because I’m a “born again virgin”’?” 

“Yes- a what? No- look. It’s simple. I am a virgin. I’ve never had sex. No penis in any of my orifices. Virgin.” 

The two men looked at each other, sharing a look like something suddenly made sense. 

“And- and you want us to- you want one of us to take your virginity?” Steve asked. 

“Well, I mean, if Bucky was such a lady killer back in the forties, I’m sure he’s had a few, so nothing new to him…” 

They both chuckled awkwardly at that. 

“But, I-  I was actually hoping… That… you both…?” 

“Both…” Steve blinked, then looked at Bucky. 

“Both of us? In the same night?” 

“A-at the same- time,” she offered. 

Steve shook his head. “No.” 

Bucky shot him a look. “Oh, you suddenly have good ideas?” 

“No; (Y/n), Cookie, we can’t- we can’t take you at the same time-” 

“I’ve seen porn, Steve,” she scolded. 

“I’ve seen it happen,” Bucky added, deadpan. 

“Not when you’re a virgin! It’ll- it’ll- Bucky!” Steve looked at him for support. “It’d rip her to shreds!” 

Bucky paused, tilting his head. “Y-yeah… he’s got a point there, Dolly…” 

“But- but! Every one has sex a first time! It’s not like I’m any different!” 

Bucky shook his head, “but, not everyone is trying to have double penetration their first go. Not only that, but- the- the serum… it affected all of us… all of us,” he stressed before turning to Steve and patting him on the shoulder a bit mockingly. “Look at you, thinking things through. Proud of you, Punk.” 

“Shut up, Jerk,” Steve shot back. 

“But… there’s not any way…?” (Y/n) asked sadly. 

The two shared a look again, looking hesitant. 

“Th- there might be a way…” 

“It’ll take a long time…” 

“What is it?” She asked. 

“Well- you- you might stand a chance if you- ahem- did some… some training to your- your holes…” Bucky looked like he was about to die blushing. 

Steve nodded, also looking a bit uncomfortable. “Yeah… if you could… train them… then you’d stand a chance to take one of us…” 

“So- I’d just have to, what, stick fingers in and stretch or something?” She asked. 

Bucky let out a choked laugh. 

“Uh, no, Cookie…” Steve told her, a small chuckle leaving him. “Well… training can be fun… and we can start with fingers, but… we’re  going to have to… graduate to… larger things.” 

(Y/n) blinked at them. “...ok…” 

And thus began the training. 

. 

(Y/n) went to their apartment the next day, eager to start the training, and wasn’t surprised when they had her remove her bottoms. 

“Ok, Doll,” Bucky started, helping her lay back on the bed. He lifted her legs and let them fall open, helping to stretch the inside flexors of her hips. His eyes went right to her bare pussy and stayed there, like they were glued for a minute before he cleared his throat roughly. “Steve�� Steve, c’mere…” 

“Yeah?” Steve asked, leaning over from where he was monitoring her reactions. 

“Look at this cute little pussy… She’s… Damn…” 

Steve looked down and his expression changed. “She… Wow…” 

“Hey, uh, guys, you’re kinda weirding me out, here… Is something wrong with me…?!” 

“Nah- nah, Dolly, just… You’re so cute… and-” Bucky cut off, clearing his throat. “Nothin’s wrong.” 

Steve’s fingers ran down her, and (Y/n) let out a gasp. “Oh, shit…” He stroked over her again. “We’re going to have to be careful, Buck… not get…” 

“Carried away, yeah,” Bucky agreed. “Ok, Doll, we’re starting… ready?” 

She nodded, and the next thing she expected was something inserted, but instead, it was just more petting. She looked up at them in question, but they seemed to know what they were doing, and she honestly had not much, if any at all, experience. 

(Y/n) felt herself starting to get more interested, more swollen at the attention that was being paid to her. She felt her body heating up, getting ready for what was going to happen. 

Steve was petting her hair and stroking over her cheeks and neck, giving words of encouragement, telling her how sexy it was watching Bucky doing the things he was to her. 

Bucky ran his fingers between her lips, getting her used to the feeling for a moment, then rubbed around her clit, circling and rubbing over it, his eyes getting dark and hooded as she made soft little noises. He cursed softly before moving one finger to her opening and starting to push in. 

“Bucky,” she huffed, laughing, but still going to moan. “Your finger- isn’t the first thing going up there,” she told him. 

Bucky looked up at her. “N-? Oh, right…” He chuckled. “There are all sorts of things to put here these days.” 

(Y/n) felt like she was about to immediately regret those words… 

Bucky slipped his finger in, moving slowly for a couple of thrusts before adding a finger. “Two,” he updated Steve. “Let’s see how far we can get her today.” 

“Bucky,” Steve chided, “don’t try rushing it.” 

Bucky looked up at him, flashing a cheeky smirk. “Course not. Running in blindly with no plan is your thing.” 

Steve gave him a dry look, but stayed quiet. 

(Y/n) was panting under Bucky’s ministrations already, her hips starting to arch with his movements. 

When he scissored his fingers apart to stretch her a bit more, the noises that she was making changed, making both guys lick their lips and watch intently. 

He managed to get three fingers in, keeping her at the edge of orgasm, not letting her come. 

“I wanna turn,” Steve said, his eyes trained on Bucky’s hand as it was quickly getting wetter. 

“Why don’t you work on the other side,” Bucky suggested. 

“Think that’d be ok, Cookie?” Steve asked softly. 

(Y/n) looked up at him, her body feeling ready for orgasm. She nodded and they shifted her to her side so that Bucky could reach her pussy, and Steve had room to work on her ass. 

Bucky had her foot planted on his shoulder to keep her open, working slowly at her, and Steve rubbed and squeezed her ass for a moment. 

“It’s going to be cold for a moment,” he warned her, and she heard some noises like he was rubbing something between his fingers before they touched her. 

His fingers were a bit cold, but they warmed up as he moved them over her rear opening, slowly starting to dip his finger in. 

Wow- wow! She’d never felt this strange sort of double stimulation before! It felt- it felt really good! 

(Y/n) started groping at her chest, moaning and whining as they moved. She could hear them talking to each other, working in conjunction, and she felt when Steve switched fingers, stroking her inside as she was driven closer and closer to her end. 

“Steve, you’re going to have to- I’ve got her foot on my shoulder,” Bucky’s voice drifted up to her dreamily. 

(Y/n) could only spare a partial thought wondering what that was about, but the rest of her body was feeling too good, especially when her hands went under her shirt and bra to get to her bare breasts. 

Another hand was on her, two fingers stroking along her, on either side of her clit, and she arched and moaned, hearing two answering moans from near her knees. The three hands worked in tandem, getting into rhythm and stroking her. 

It felt so good, it was like pleasure bursting through every part of her- making her whole body shiver. 

“Look at her, she’s doing so good,” one cooed. 

“God, I can’t wait to have her between us…” The other agreed. 

“Oh, that’s it, look at her; she’s getting close.” 

(Y/n) was having trouble catching her breath, her hips rocking with their rhythm. “G- I- yeah,” she panted to them, her moans getting louder and louder. 

“That’s it, come for us, gorgeous.” 

(Y/n) cried out as she came, clenching around both of them and feeling them in even more detail inside her. 

“Good girl… such a good girl…” 

. 

Every day after work, she’d go to their apartment, and repeat the process. 

Everyday after work, she'd only come once, but it was a pretty strong orgasm. 

Until, finally, it was the day. 

.

“You can say no, if you want to.” 

“No one will think less of you.” 

“I know.” She was naked in front of them, laid out on the bed, watching as lube was poured into a palm. “Isn’t that too much…?” 

They shared a look. 

“Nope.” 

“Trust us.” 

They worked into her one at a time, one on the bed, her sliding onto him, feeling him filling her pussy like it had never been filled before. No tampon or toy, even when they’d been doing their training and they’d stretched her open with toys, had ever filled her this much. 

They took a break, letting her lay on his chest as the other lubed up her ass next to prepare her for him to enter. 

“Are you ready?” 

She nodded, though her eyes were closed and she was still taking deep breaths.

The super soldier behind her started to press into her, going slow, so mercifully slow, and letting her stretch around him.

“Oh shit- (Y/n)- ah god, you’re so t-tight…” 

Somehow he managed to push all the way in without many stops, and (Y/n) had never felt fuller in her life. 

There was panting from in front and behind her as both men caught their breaths, and the three of them slowly started growing accustomed to the tight feeling. 

When they started moving, she felt the way their cocks dragged at her skin, the friction feeling like pleasurable stroking pushing her closer to orgasm. They switched the way they thrust, and suddenly, Steve was pushing into her while Bucky was pulling out, then they were switching. 

(Y/n) couldn’t breathe, it felt so good- her mind turned itself off, and the only thing going through her head was it trying to process the sensation of them moving inside her. 

“Oh, fuck,” Bucky groaned, leaning in and tilting her chin to kiss her. 

Steve kept thrusting, groaning as he moved. “God, f-f- feel so-” He pulled the kiss apart by turning (Y/n)’s face to him instead. 

Bucky licked his lips as he watched them kiss, his hips bucking into her slowly and steadily. 

Steve pulled back and kissed Bucky, who leaned into the kiss as well, both hugging tight around (Y/n). 

They each took a breast, kneading and playing with it, tugging and rolling her nipples as they moved. 

It was so good-

It was so much- 

It was too good- 

It was too much-! 

(Y/n) let out a high pitched cry as she came, hard, squeezing tight around them, making Bucky and Steve both let out guttural sounds of surprise and pleasure. 

“F-fuck-” 

“Oh shit-” 

Hands tightened on (Y/n), one set on her hips, the other on her thighs as both men picked up the pace. 

“Bucky- she- she feels so good!” 

“I know, Steve- she’s- she’s so tight it feels like she’s tryin’ to push me out-! Oh fuck, Dolly, you’re gonna make me cum-!” 

“Oh God, Cookie, don’t- don’t stop squeezing me like that-! I’m- I’m right there- gonna cum-” 

They seemed to communicate without any sounds as they both sped up, making (Y/n)’s voice raise as she came again, but their response this time was fucking into her harder. 

“Fuck- fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bucky panted as he slammed into her, starting to ride close to the edge of orgasm. 

“O-oh- uuuungh! B-Bucky- c’mon- let’s fill our girl with our cum,” Steve called out, his hips pistoning as he slid in and out. 

“Yeah- r-ready when- when you are,” Bucky answered, his hands tightening on her. “She’s gettin’ close again, too-” 

“A-alright, on- on Cookie’s signal, then,” Steve decided. 

It was only a couple more movements before (Y/n) fell over the edge again, a scream leaving her as she came, tightening around them as her hips twitched, but between them, they kept them steady as they pushed into her as deep as they could and one after the other, filled her until she was dripping super soldier seed. 

After a moment to catch their breath, the two men cleaned her up, and they all got comfortable in the bed. 

“Oh fuck,” Bucky sighed. “That was great, Doll.” 

“Agreed,” Steve nodded, wrapping an arm around her. “Good birthday present?” 

(Y/n) managed to nod as she cuddled closer to them both. “Y-yeah… good…” 

The two chuckled. 

“Go on, sweetheart, go to sleep,” a deep voice murmured near her ear. “More time for fun tomorrow. You’ve been through a lot for now, though.” 

(Y/n) drifted off, feeling Bucky and Steve following her quickly. 

NOTES- Confirmed; Steve convinced Bucky to set the whole thing with the other woman up trying to lure (Y/n) to the conclusion that they were into women, too... Sneaky Steve. 

Steve: We both really like her, right?  Bucky: Yeah. Steve: And we both want her to join us, right? Bucky: Yeah. Steve: I’ve dropped hints all over...  Both: ... Both: ... Bucky: Maybe she doesn’t think we’re into girls?  Steve: ...I have a plan.  Bucky: No- Steve, no.  Steve: *quietly* Steve yes... Ok, so here’s what we’re gonna do... Bucky: *sighs and rubs face* 

Tag List!

@tephi101 @lilypalmer1987  @pingu89  @gifsbysimplysonia   @omnomsauruswrites   @keldachick  @Randomfandompenguin  @mannls  @screeching-student-unknown  @lizfawn  @ya-lyublu-tebya  @their-bibliophile  @the-fifth-marauder03   @ria132love   @slender--spirit  @awkward-haux   @shuriss   @muggleluna   @cauraphernelia​  @ravenclawmuggles​   @stonedxsoldier   @rainbowkisses31   @racheo91   @mrsmookie   @emilysallysmith   @sebbystanlover-vk​  @lillovin84​   @leah2901​   @igothroughphasesalot​   @letstalkaboutsebbaby​  @a-book-pressed-rose​   @badassbaker​   @lookwhatyoumademequeue​  @kiki5283​   @blingblingboy​   @stressedandbandobessed7771  @justanothermarvelfan01  @boo-ven9eance  @songforhema    @rororo06   @the-omni-princess   @dibsonamericasass  @yknott81   @isaacunderground   @thequeenreaders   @viarogers   @anamcg317   @trynnabemultifandom   @karla-silva   @janndishsstuff   @imeanshitithappens   @smoothdogsgirl  @Jennmurawski13  @heartsaved   @past-perfect-future-tense   @Silver-starburst @nd1998sc   @dumblani   @Sj493494   @michelehansel   @indiana-jackson  @katharinemclaughlin-stuff  @anxiousamandapanda  @my-drowning-in-time  @twopulses  @my-favorite-fics-and-imagines

[fonulyn]

I need to scream about RE ID bc like. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, I did. Was it. Just wrapped up way too nicely and quickly? Also yeah. I was a little disappointed by it tho, like the length, and the flashback scenes weren't as clear as I think they should have been? Like I understood what was happening, but it took me a little too much brain power to like keep up with what was and wasn't a flashback lmao

Also I wanna say, I get wanting to keep Jun See alive but god, that did not look fun. Just let him die, dude, no one wants to live like that, smh.

Thank god they kept Leon's one liners tho, like thank you for that at least lol also Claire, my GIRL, I love her holy shit. Honestly she was amazing, like, just perfect. Not sure why she has a gun in the promotional poster, bc she just. Never has a gun throughout the entire show, I don't think? Also can we talk about how she took that guy down with that lamp, and then hopped on top of him just fucking ready to continue to beat the shit out of him? Chris would be so proud 🥲

Okay also, I saw what you said with that flirting scene, and I agree that it seemed like Leon was trying to lighten the mood, but it so didn't need to be put in there at all @ the writers. Like this show could have gotten away with no romance, or just that one moment near the end with Claire and Leon (which, I don't ship them much, and that moment at the v end where she was like "are you ever gonna stop treating me like a kid?" And he responded with "probably not" or whatever kind of ruined whatever was shown earlier? Like it feels like she's had that convo with Chris before too, so I'm like hm no don't imply romance and then imply that he treats her like a little kid every time they run into each other, now it's weird lol) and been fine. None of the story was contingent on any kind of romance between anyone.

Now with that said, can I just say Patrick absolutely wanted to suck Leon's dick? Like he was smitten, and I bet you they at least fuck after all this is said and done, if not date for a short period of time. I thought they were gonna kill Patrick off, I'm glad they didn't tho, he was v wholesome lol.

Also I wanna mention that every serious moment (save a small handful) I just. I couldn't take it seriously, it was too over the top. Acid? Really? That's the self destruct measure? Slowly rising acid? I dunno, that doesn't seem quite right to me, I don't think that's how it works lol

Honestly they should have just made this into a new movie, bc making it a series implies more to follow and in general a longer narrative, but these eps were barely 20 minutes each, so there's almost no point splitting it like that. Did I enjoy myself? Yeah, I always do when Leon is involved, but it could have been so much better.

Also the silly little shipper in me is kind of desperate for more interaction between Chris and Leon, bc as far as I'm aware it's just RE6, RE vendetta, and RE ID (and I think the person who told Chris to save Claire in either code x or Veronica was Leon? Not 100% about that tho lol) where they actually interact with each other, and considering that they're the two main characters of the franchise, they should probably meet up more? Idk, that's just my gay ass hoping for more Chreon content lmao but still.

ANYWAYS yeah, I would rate the show like a 7.5/10? It wasn't amazing but it wasn't garbage, either. Probably my least favorite of the four animated movies tbh, but I will take the Leon content, thank you Capcom. Also it was interesting to see Leon around the time following/around RE4 and RE degeneration, I thought, I dunno.

oh boy I agree 100% it was wrapped up way too quickly in the end. like killing Jason? by just dropping him in the acid? it was way too simple and easy if you ask me. and like, why didn't he yeet Leon into the acid when he had him by the throat? him not killing Leon makes zero sense to me??

asdfg yeah I get they weren't ready to let Jun See go, but I bet Jun See really would've preferred to go...

I am so happy that they kept the one liners!! Leon felt very, very in character which I loved so much. I was afraid they'd tone it down or make him super serious or so, and it was such a relief they didn't. he was so eager to help and so goddamn kind to everyone I don't know if my heart can even handle it ;;;;;

also Claire!! so badass!! I loved the part where she attacked the guy with the lamp (yes Chris would be super proud haha) and THE HEADBUTT seriously, one of the top highlights of the entire series :'D

(but honestly this is gonna get long i'mma gonna hit that read more here)

and the flirting scene, I do think they could've left it out entirely and it felt a little strong-armed in. but I'm trying to look at the silver lining? Leon was super goddamn adorable in it, like, so cute it hurts :'D and Shen May didn't seem bothered really, it was more this joking thing between them. so while yes, it was unnecessary, i'm focusing on the joking feel of it and choosing to interpret it as such :'D

also, can I just say, the "romantic moment" with Claire and Leon near the end didn't feel very romantic to me? I know it's a romcom cliché (or at least a fanfic cliché lmao) how they ended up in a pile after the rescue but ...it didn't scream romance to me? although I do kind of like the pairing! (not a top fave but a cute one)

and yes, the whole "when are you gonna stop treating me like a kid?" "probably never" felt SO much like a sibling moment!! such big brother energy from Leon, and I don't know, that made me super duper happy?? I want them to be friends. I neeeed them to be friends gdi. which is why I am unhappy with how mad Claire seemed to be at Leon in the end and how they left it off like they did. I am hoping that it sets things up for a second season? and they for whatever reason need them on kind of the opposing sides at first? because otherwise it makes no sense to me for her to be that disappointed in him. in Degeneration they already establish they work in different ways towards the same goal, and for that to do a 180 now feels... like a disservice to the characters? idk?

lmaooooo but yes Patrick 100% wanted to suck Leon's dick he didn't even try to be subtle about it :'D idk I would've wanted Patrick to have more depth and screentime too, i so wish they would've made it a longer series and given the characters more development. because I liked pretty much all of the new characters they introduced! but it feels none of them reached their actual potential!

then again that is kind of the whole deal with resident evil in general, they set up awesome characters and end up wasting them half of the time :'D guess i shouldn't be surprised.

THE SLOWLY RISING ACID PISSED ME OFF lmaooo c'mon!! it doesn't seem like a good self destruct measure. especially since ...you'd need different acid to dissolve organic matter and to dissolve inorganic matter if we're being nitpicky. and how would it be plausible for them to store enough of it safely to even do this?? they should've just detonated the whole place and blown it to smithereens or something, the acid was. stupid.

i agree, it feels like a movie. but I think @tirsynni is probably right when saying that it was sort of a test run to see if they should make more? which I am so hoping for. because even with the complaints I have of this, I DID enjoy it, a lot!! and I do want more! and maybe this time we get Claire and Leon actually working together for more than fifteen seconds! :'D

also I definitely would not say no to more Chris and Leon interactions. (yes it was Leon who told Chris to save Claire :) at least that) it... in general makes no sense to me how capcom seems to think friendships work? like how Sherry is all "Leon and Claire are my best friends" and then they imply they haven't met in years? if not more? idek it's. weird. it's like their characters go into storage containers in between their missions to be stored away so they can't even accidentally have personal lives or friendships or anything. weird.

(what I said about having amazing characters and ending up wasting their potential? yeah)

for me, personally, it's... well, my score for the show would depend on whether I just focus on the characterizations and what I liked, or if I try to actually take the plot and all into account too :'D but I did like this more than Degeneration! already the fact that Leon has actual facial expressions is enough to put it way above that one. (and for the record, I don't hate Degeneration either, I do like it, but... Leon is such a cardboard cutout with zero personality in it, it's super frustrating)

idk I think I need to still process this a bit to see how I will like it in the end :'D there are things i'm super hyped about in it, and things i'm disappointed in, let's see how they'll weigh in the overall experience eventually.