#i'm probably not explaining great but yeah

[thefrogman]

First, this issue is probably much more complicated than my moderately researched little explainer. So please keep that in mind.

The only reason I knew about crude oil is because while my brother was in engineering school and learning about fuel and whatnot, I asked him why we wanted the oil in Kuwait so much that we were willing to go to war. He told me that we actually get most of our oil from Canada, but it was shitty and most of it went to making plastic and asphalt. But the oil in Kuwait is less shitty (medium sour) and doesn't need to be extracted from tar sand (very difficult). Being a rich country, Kuwait had great refineries too, so it was fantastic after processing.

That conversation always stuck with me because I think it was one of the few politically charged conversations I had with my brother. I don't think he is apolitical, but he rarely shared a political opinion out loud.

And in the 20+ years since that discussion, refining tech in the US has advanced to the point where we don't have to just make plastic and asphalt from Canada poo.

Anyway... I'm pretty sure my broad generalization is fairly accurate. But it is a broad generalization and I encourage anyone interested to do further research if you want to speak on this with confidence.

As for why Trump is doing this... I think I figured it out.

He's fucking serious about this.

I honestly thought this was the one thing he was joking about.

But he means it. I knew he thought he could just buy Greenland. But it seems he genuinely thinks he can absorb Canada.

So... yeah. Delusional thinking runs amuck.

Canada: The Crudest Crude Oil

So, Canada has some shitty oil.

I don't know what Canada oil ate, but it might need a juice cleanse or something.

Trump is putting a 10% tariff on this shit.

This is called heavy sour crude oil. Because not all crude oil is the same. It can be light. It can be sweet. It can be heavy. It can be sour. Light and sweet is the easiest to refine. Heavy and sour (the Canada poop) is the most difficult.

But the US specializes in refining the shittiest crude. That's why we import so much from Canada. We have developed the best technologies to turn this shitty tar sand oil into something useful. We buy it cheap from Canada, make it useful (gas, kerosene, plastics, asphalt, etc), and then resell it.

This ends up being about a $700 billion business that generates about $175 billion in tax revenue.

To make things more interesting, the US has a lot of its own oil. Which is why Trump loves to say "drill, baby, drill." But our oil is light and sweet. It's the good stuff. Easy to refine.

That's good... right?

Not so fast!

Since no other countries are very good at processing the shit oil, we send our good stuff to Europe. They can easily refine it and we make a lot of money selling it to them.

Here's the rub...

The US isn't really set up to refine the good shit. Most of our refinery infrastructure is meant to process the Canada poop. So even though we technically have plenty of our own oil, we don't really have a lot of places to process it.

So I guess we would have to send it to Europe and buy it back.

Or we would have to build new refineries.

Or we would have to get shit oil from other places.

And those places?

Russia and Venezuela.

I have no idea if Trump understands any of this. Or if he thinks all oil is the same. But I feel like fucking with a $700 billion industry is bad for the economy.

I really don't understand why this is happening. I don't know if Trump is going rogue and doing this on his own. Or if Putin set this up so we will buy oil from Russia. Or if there is some other special interest group that wants to torpedo our refinery economy.

None of this makes a lot of sense to me and I don't see many people talking about this aspect of the tariff problem. I don't think oil quality is well known to the general public and maybe Trump's puppeteers are counting on that ignorance to do some sinister shit.

In any case, I imagine gas prices are going up. I'm sure the MAGA crowd, famous for being angry at gas prices, will finally see the light and turn on Trump.

I'm just kidding.

They will find some way to say it is a good thing and keep kicking themselves in the nuts.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

costume design, set mockup, and rehearsal photos from this guide to the show that's like really thorough in providing Context like, mini articles about the creators of the original movie, musical, and movie musical, about other versions of productions, the history, quotes of other commentary, interview quotes, context of other / preexisting genres like b movies, faustian stories, "what if a plant was weird" stories, glossary of terms (such as references that may generally be less obscure if you were in the '60s, e.g.), suggested further reading....haven't read it top to bottom but i think it's fantastic, link to the pdf as post source

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

[mmaurysiek]

Alastor was great at making the egg bois feel important and stay relatively safe (safe from other overlords and himself), and he left them to play with literal garbage, didn't he? and he also send one egg boi to sneak around.

Alastor only had to entertain the egg bois for a few hours at best, too

my personal experience with emotionally immature people specifically — tells me that it usually depends on:

- the social mores (what kind of punishment is considered acceptable),

- the urgency of the situation (are they pulling a child away from a rushing car or are they explaining how to paint a fence)

- whether the child's temper is compatible with theirs

like, a mature enough adult won't fight a child, but many immature adults will fight some children rather than any/all, depending on how much they like a given child.

Alastor did hold his temper down (if barely) in these few hours when the egg bois went asking him subjectively invasive questions in public. would he be able to hold it down indefinitely? i don't know. quite possibly not.

Alastor's "parenting" of the egg bois reminds me of my beloved grandpa who, as a social worker friend summed up years later, essentially trained me to do his job for him. (and Alastor, given more time, would probably have the egg bois running more errands.) in my very subjective experience, grandpa was the best! — I always knew where I stood with him, he always listened to my feedback about the work and he either tested it or explained why I was wrong, etc. —

— at the same time, my older sister was low-key afraid of him because he used to hit her when she was already upset (my guess is that he did it because she was upset — arguably the worst way to calm down a child with panic episodes; no, back then there was no systemic support for mental health) —

— so yeah, I can see Alastor as capable of hitting a child, much like half of the main cast probably, if circumstances align; not until after he tried to persuade in other ways, but still more readily than hitting an egg boi that he's supposed to keep whole – after all, children aren't as breakable as literal egg shells; and please correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't stuff like e.g. slapping children's hands totally socially acceptable where / when Alastor and most other characters are from? (it still appears socially acceptable in some pockets of the USA.)

I really like Alastor and the Egg Bois. Like, that time he told them to stay outside, he could have just been like "no, you're not allowed in the meeting." Instead he indulged them by telling them to stay and GUARD the entrance, knowing damn well they'd be useless guards. He just said it to make them feel like they had a purpose??? He had NO REASON to, he just did it. They totally would have listened to him either way.

[jacksintention]

Still unwell about Rilke and PH

I love the dark hours of my being.

My mind deepens into them.

There I can find, as in old letters,

the days of my life, already lived,

and held like a legend, and understood.

Then the knowing comes: I can open

to another life that's wide and timeless.

So I am sometimes like a tree

rustling over a gravesite

and making real the dream

of the one its living roots

embrace:

a dream once lost

among sorrows and songs.

[chemicalarospec]

.

[anaalnathrakhs]

"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP

[abstractgart]

"knockout!", Thursday, ‎14 ‎July ‎2022, ‏‎11:29PM

now you might look at this and think "this is just a bunch of shapes made using the Ms Paint shapes tool!" and you would be correct. that is what this is. however i dunno i still like it, i mean sure it's just shapes in black and white but there's something about it. like wow. those Sure Are shapes Huh. it's titled knockout! because it reminded me of the way cartoon characters see stars flying around their heads when they get dizzy, except if that cartoon character had just been put in the femur breaker or something. also had the cuphead voice clip stuck in my head i think.

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

WAIT TWO EPISODES LEFT???!?!!?

HOW IS THAT RIGHT?? THAT CAN'T BE POSSIBLE

Okay we'll think about that in a second lol

Oh dang oof o.o

It's literally on fire 😬

Ope dang why is that scar so big and like idk weird looking xd xD

O.O NEVERMIND THERE'S MY ANSWER

UHHHH WHAT THE HECK??!?

Uh ohh some girl 😬😬

OH NO this ain't gonna be good :(( yeah Grace is right-

CORIQBXUFSNLP GRAAACE???!!?!!!?

NAH GRACE NOT HER Y'ALL AIN'T DOING THIS TO ME

I mean I'm sure she'll be fine but still my girl don't deserve this 😭 xD

UHH OHHHH

O.O 😬😬😬😬

OHHH NO OH NO OH NO O.O 😳😬😬😭😭

THISSSS AIN'T GOOD THIS AIN'T GOOD THIS AIN'T GOOOOD

O.O

ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

Oh gosh xdd

Btw we don't talk about how I'm an hour behind lol

Typing this right around 9 XD

3 minutes after now but I would've been ending here around 9 if my wifi hadn't been struggling for a minute lol

Also ohh it's probably two episodes until the finale lol

I thought of that after a minute (like around the end of the promo lol when I first saw it actually at the end of the show instead of an hour later lol) and now after another minute I think it probably is xD

I had a second to check the episode count and stuff lol (not how many there are, though I couldn't remember that off the top of my head for a minute during all this xD, but what number we're on lol)

But DANG o.o

I live in fear :'))

That was the last of my last thoughts! Now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

I loooved this episode!! I thought it was great :D. It had the DRAMA o.o but also some really hilarious moments XDD. And AAHHH not only tarlos (and Nanteo!!) crumbs but talk of the WEDDING TOOO :DD!! I mean I know it is in most episodes but still xD. Loved the multiple references by Gabriel 🥰🥰, plus talking about Lou 2 by Owen LOL. Not technically wedding talk but eh you know talk about them xD. Anyway! I am also SO GLAD everything worked out with Tommy :D. And I'm happy we got to see everyone 🥰🥰. Also, I'm scared for next episode o.o. Now that time I saw of someone mentioning that Grace and Carlos were gonna be working together again soon makes sense xDD o.o. I figure that's what it's gonna be, now that I remember I saw that mentioned lol. But! I'll talk more about that in a second :). Back to this episode, it was silly at points (even within the drama, like the little mystery music when Paul was laying it all out at the end xD) but still made the drama work, and it was just great :DD.

Now it's time for the individual parts!

Marjan, Nancy, and Mateo! Putting them together just because they're our besties and we didn't see them too much this episode :)). And pretty much whenever we did they were with each other xDD. Anyway lol! They were great this episode :DD. I'm sure they were all great at their jobs lol. We didn't actually see it xD. But yeah! They're all amazing :DD. I love each of them 🥰🥰🥰❤️.

TK and Carlos! The beginning was amazing XDD. But :OO Carlos how could you? XDD. I don't think I'm as betrayed as TK though LOL. Anyway, they were great this episode xD 🥰. And AAHHHH we got so many little cute moments of them this episode :D, I loved them all 🥰🥰. My boys :)). I love them 🥰🥰❤️❤️. And I'm sure they were both great at their jobs :D lol. About next episode though! Even though I don't like knowing too much about the episode beforehand, I couldn't resist reading the next episode's synopsis lol xD. I saw it right there when I was checking what episode we were on AND I had to lol. But :OO!! TK's uncle coming to visit!! He gets to meet him :DD!! AAHHHH I'm so glad he does 🥰🥰. And he comes with dramatic news o.o. Now for the interesting piece of information that Robert (that's his face right? Owen's brother lol) is sharing, I wasn't sure at first! Had no clue for a minute lol. But then I thought, maybe he has donor kids? Like, he donated sperm? Or Owen's dad :o? One of the two, I think. I mena if it is that lol. Becuase it would affect the family, if like those people wanted to reach out or whatever, but also it matches the episode title :OO! Right?? See that's what really cinched it for me lol. So yeah, I think that's definitely a possibility :))! I said cinched but I'm not actually sure, I just think there's a pretty good chance :)! And I mean, hey, it would be interesting! Anyway, I am really glad they get to meet :D. And that we get to see them meet, lol xD. Anyway! There was an interesting tidbit about Carlos next episode too :D. AAAHHHHHH WE GET HIM WORKING WITH GRACE AGAIN!!! YAYYY :DDD!! I'm so excited for that 🥰🥰. I mean, not the organ trafficking ring ರ⁠_⁠ರ, and the drama that looks like it'll come with it (more on that in Grace's section), but for the storyline :D. Anyway! I'm excited :)). But back to this episode lol: I loved them, they were great :)).

Grace and Judd! They were great this episode :DD. Them wanting the tea from Tommy was so funny XDD. And though we didn't see much of Judd this episode, he was still amazing :)). I'm sure he as great at his job. I love him 🥰🥰. Now for Grace; girl could not mind her own business lol. Nah, I'm just kidding XD, but I'm glad they did get all that sorted out. And honestly for to not want to hear people talk about your friend that way :')). My besties <333. As in, my babeys who are besties, basically lol. Basically that's what I mean, anyway. But yeah, she was great <33. And I'm sure sh was amazing at her job too :). I love her 🥰🥰. Now, for next episode o.o! I already spoke on it a bit, but I'm a bit tense for that one 😬. I didn't think of it being a possibility that she has having andidnk with the guy on purpose till I saw a comment on the promo that said she said the cheating type and was probably bait. I just figured she ran into him (not literally). But I do think she's probably bait. It makes sense! Still, in fear for my girl 😭😭💔❤️. I'm excited to see her and Carlos working together again!! Anyway, yeah, she was great this episode (both she and Judd were) :)). I'm glad everything worked out 🥰.

These next few will probably be shorter because a) I'm tired, b) most of the stuff from these past two paragraphs was because of theories for the next episode, and the people left weren't listed lol. Also, I'm not caring about the usual review order - no matter how tired I am, I'm posting this tonight xD. Basically I just mean I'm finishing this now even though I'm tired - I wanted to do a review without saving it as a draft, and having it at the back of my mind all week, so I am xD. Anyway lol!

Tommy! YESS GIRL SLAYYYY :DDDD!!! I'm so glad she and Trevor are okay :DD, and I'm so glad she stood up for herself >:DD 🥰!!! WHOOO 🥰🥳🥳🥰!! She did so great, it was awesome :)). Just- honestly just go off bestie, lol xD. The breakup was sad though 😭😭😭💔. I was hoping it wouldn't last, and I'm glad it didn't :')). They're sweet and they both deserve to be happy <333. Anyway :)). I'm sure she was great at her job this episode 🥰. I love her :'DDD ❤️❤️❤️.

Paul! My guyyyy :DDD. YESSS!!! He slayed so hard 🥰🥰. I'm so proud of him :D. From the little bit at the beginning (that I'm surprised wasn't brought back up lol, like at the hang, but in my mind definitely happens off screen before what we saw lol) - Carlos how could you by the way >:'O lol - to the main plot and case of the episode :D. He slays so hard 🥰🥰. I'm really glad he managed to solve it, to :D. Like, the whole situation wise lol - it needed solving xD. And clearly the police were already leaning one way. Even if that doesn't matter, it would've taken much longer. So yeah, I'm really proud of Paul 🥰🥰. He's just so cool :DD xD. Related but not the reason I'm proud lol. Anyway! I'm sure he was great at his job this episode 🥰. His actual job, not the one we saw, though he was clearly amazing at that :)) 🥰. And I mean, it kinda is his job xD. It's a psrt of it, anyway lol, sometimes. But yeah! I love him <3333 🥰.

Owen! I'm glad Kendra's innocent :D. I wasn't sure, but I didn't think they'd have ANOTHER crazy lady lol. You just never know though xD. But I am glad she's not :)). I felt awful for her though 😭💔. Poor girl's going through it <33. Especially with trying to DIE at the end too xdd. Not literally trying, by the way lol. I've mostly stopped feeling bad for he husband though xD. Bro was trying to kill her, karma lol. But yeah, I'm glad everything turned out okay and no one was a murderer :)). Well I mean, even the husband wasn't, but I mean none of them were to blame xD. And there wasn't another one running around lol. I'm also glad both Owen and Kendra survive xD. We love to see TK worrying about his dad though :)) 🥰🥰. I'm also glad everything worked out between Owen and Gabriel :D! That would've been one awkward wedding if not 😅 XD. Though, forgetting it was so soon, I did figure they'd resolve it by then. Or thought they probably would lol. But hey, I'm extra happy it was this episode :)). Not exactly the team up we expected for them xD, maybe even not the one we wanted lol, but it was still great nonetheless :)). And I'm glad he apologized, but Gabriel wasn't TOO out of line lol - he did share confidential information with Owen that he then blabbed to the number one suspect, even if it was for the greater good. I mean, he's not it before and it NOT end up well lol (Sadie, and even though it was fake, Billy in 2x12). But! Still, I'm glad theyre okay again :)). They are gonna make great consuegros 🥰🥰 lol. Also I find it funny that neither Owen nor TK knew what it meant lol. Idk, it's just a little parallel lol. Anyway! I'm sure Owen was great at his job this episode :). Though I don't know if he was actually on shift once today xD. Eh, anyway lol. I'm glad everything's good 🥰🥰. I love him :D ❤️❤️ <3.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! I thought it was great :DD. I really liked the two main plots, and the little side bits were fun too :)). I think the drama and humor balanced really well! Especially because somehow the murder investigation plot was a lot more severe/dire, and the other one would appear to be more a funny storyline, but it had its own drama and they still someone went along well with each other xD. It did provide a bit of a lighter side, balancing the episode, but it definitely still had its drama lol! Anyway, I feel like next episode will be a bit more drama 😬. Well, maybe not more, and maybe not less jokes, but less of a closer to comedic relief plotline. Tommy's wasn't of course, but it was deifnitley lighter, and the bits with Grace especially were on the funnier side lol. I think the Grace and Carlos storyline will be the more serious one (with laugh moments still), but I think it'll be a bit more dramatic all around. I'm struggling a bit to explain, but yeah xD. It just feels like it'll have a bit of andifferent tone from this one, even though Tommy's eas definitely dramatic and had a good amount of serious moments. Maybe it just because we're drawing closer to the end of the season ┐⁠(⁠ ⁠∵⁠ ⁠)⁠┌. Like they said, two episodes left - it just makes it feel like it's gonna be more intense XD. But again, two episodes left until the finale lol. Anyway, that took a while to explain, but yeah XD. Plus we'll have calls, or at least the one, so it'll be different in that way. And that call looks wild, by the way o.o. Anyway, yeah, I'm definitely really excited :DD. But I'm scared and way nervous too 😳😬 o.o. Which I think is fair lol. I'm sure everything will turn out okay though 🥰. But back to this episode, I thought it was really great :). I think it worked really well :D. And I'm glad Paul got a moment (a full episode :D) to shine 🥰🥰. Also, I'm happy we got to see everybody 🥰. Even if only a bit, for some people :).

So yeah! I loved this episode, I thought it was really great. I'm nervous for the next one! This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 14: Tongues Out

It was great! I'm super excited for the next episode, but I'm pretty scared too. I'll be back next week with my review of. . .

9-1-1: Lone Star, Season 4, Episode 15: Donors

See you next week!

[babisawyer]

if people tell you smile 2 is good they're lying to you.

[thethingything]

I need to get ready for bed but I remembered the dentist appointment that's coming up in less than 2 weeks and ended up dissociating for over 2 hours (I'm honestly not sure how long it's been) and I do not feel good in the slightest after that

[mrfoox]

Me: haha, I'm over that thing that happened over a year ago, lol, I don't think about it and-

Also me: -suddenly talks about it and gets hit with the same feelings as back then- aa, shit /:

[tgcg]

an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.

[winnie1emon]

✧.* now what happens when you find a frustrated theodore nott on the quidditch pitch...?

theodore nott x prefect!lamb!reader (fem pov)

word count: approx. 2.4k

cw: MDNI!!, smut, dom!theo, innocent!reader, sexual language, praise, piv, fingering, unprotected sex, face painting lmao, slight exhibitionism(?)(on the quidditch stands lol)

a/n: first smut fic like ever i fear... don't bully please </3 + been working on this sleep-deprived, lmk about spelling mistakes :(

"Hey- hey!" you said loudly over the raging music, leaning over your friend's shoulder. "I'm gonna go; got prefect duty!"

Your friend, too engrossed in your house's quidditch victory party after they had beaten Slytherin earlier that evening, gave you a mere nod before realizing you actually said something. "Really? There are other prefects out anyways and you never find anyone. Don't be lame, just stay!"

"No, it's fine. I like walking outside anyways, it's fun," you explained, garnering a rather dismissive wave goodbye from your friend.

You trudged down the corridors searching for the way out of the castle. Curfew was approaching and you were given the task of finding a few stragglers outdoors; a task you most appreciated due to the fact you'd never find anybody and you were usually lucky with receiving ample amounts of good weather.

Too comfortable with the usual, you spent most of your patrol time frolicking on the grassy fields and never looked too carefully for any students. You were about to head back inside when you saw the broom shed's door open. Curiously, you peered inside and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary...

A bit daunted, you closed the door and suddenly saw movement in the corner of your eye. You whipped around quickly, seeing someone flying on the quidditch pitch. You made your way into the pitch, assuming it was some overzealous lowerclassman riding on their broomstick.

As you made your way into the pitch, you realized how large it really was, somewhat awestruck. Hearing a distressed grunt, you turned around and saw the person who was flying, quite a distance away, chuck their broom onto the ground. You hastened over and the image came into view. Their brunette waves became clearer with each step you took and you managed to get their attention.

"H-hey!" You waved. You came to a stop in front of them, slightly huffing as they looked at you acutely. "Theodore, it's curfew in like... oh, two minutes ago."

Theodore raised an eyebrow at your words, seeming as if he had no idea who you were. "What?" he asked you, even though he heard what you said.

"It's past curfew, you can't be here," you said patiently. "What are you even doing here?"

"What's it look like?" he retorted. "Practicing," he added before you could answer his rhetoric question.

"Well... you should practice tomorrow. You already had that game today, you should take a break," you suggested.

He gave you what was probably the most condescending look ever, roaming over your figure. "Yeah, and we lost, princess. Need to practice."

"Don't overwork yourself," you said, your voice tinged with concern. "You were great today, I saw!"

"Mhm, probably cheering on your house, yeah?" he sneered. "Just get lost, I'm not harmin' anyone by practicing, but you're going to tell someone aren't you?" He looked a bit taut and you couldn't help but feel a bit of pity for him. After all, he wasn't the worst player on his team yet he was the only one here practicing, probably losing hairs in the process.

"No, I won't tell anyone," you said quickly. "You look exhausted though. At least sit down." You trailed all the way to one of the tall wooden towers going up to the quidditch spectator stands, feeling the wooden bench poke your thighs. Surprisingly, he sat beside you on your right with a grunt, running his hands through his hair.

Well, now what.

You peered at him in wonderment as his gaze was set straight, admiring his birthmark. Your eyes trailed around the side of his face, looking at his thick, dark brows and then at his slightly unkempt hair. He turned suddenly to face you and you darted your head away, embarrassed. He let out a small scoff, throwing his head down in a smirk.

"So," you started. "You like quidditch?" you asked dumbly. He obviously did... he plays.

"I do," he responded. "When we win."

"You guys almost did," you consoled him, tentatively reaching to rub his shoulder.

Theodore didn't protest, finding the way your palm's touch warmed his shoulder unexpectedly comforting. He looked at your seemingly apologetic face before his eyes wandered down your form, going from your neck and then down to your legs.

"Mm, almost."

Fidgeting with your fingers, you spoke up again. "Yeah, almost! Almost is good!" You reassured him. "Don't beat yourself up-- you're already so stressed." You recalled the instances in class where he'd focus on his work, the times you saw him in the library as you patrolled the halls, and the way he never seemed to hang out with his friends this past week.

"Oh princess," he said, calling you that nickname again, making you turn a light shade of pink. "When has almost winning ever helped anyone? What can I do about the stress? Nothing's going to change if I don't work." He gave a nonchalant shrug, breaking contact with your sorry eyes as he buried his head in his hands.

"Uhm... I mean, do you want help?" You peered at him, wide-eyed and full of pity.

--------------------------------------------------------

And that's how you found yourself sitting on the open quidditch stands, thighs squeezed together with your head downcast as Theodore rubbed lazy circles over your underwear.

"I-I don't really see how this is supposed to help you," you mumbled.

He used his other hand to hold your chin gently, guiding your head to face him. "You think seeing a pretty girl like you lookin' like this doesn't help me?" he simpered. You felt your face heat up from the compliment, shifting your thighs to press against each other some more.

He let go of your chin and you looked down to watch him spread your thighs apart gently. Despite never being his friend, his touch felt familiar, even soothing. In fact, you didn't protest against him, even when you felt him slip your underwear to the side and insert a thick finger into your cunt.

Your mouth agape, you turned to look at him, brows knitting together as he met your gaze with a lascivious smile. You pressed your lips together to try and catch your breath, but it only lasted a few seconds as your lips parted once he entered another digit into you. He moved slowly, not taking his eyes off of yours, drinking in your dazed look.

You felt his pace increase, his fingers going in and out of your now glossy cunt rapidly, and let out a shaky moan which made Theodore's mouth contort in a wicked smile. You threw your head back, looking up at the greying sky. He leaned closer to you, his warm breath hitting your ear as he whispered.

"Feels good, yeah? Feels good to help me decompress hm?" He asked you quietly, having you squirm from his touch. You nodded meekly and let out a small yeah in response.

You had never experienced anything like this before. You were sort of scared, but also excited... maybe a bit confused? ...happy to help?

His touch eventually slowed, his two now-soaked fingers leaving your cunt as he held them up in front of you. Your eyes followed his fingers, your face turning into that of surprise as he brought his fingers into his mouth momentarily.

"So sweet..." he breathed out. "Come on, open up," he slapped your cheek lightly with his clean hand.

You opened your mouth slightly, your eyes looking reluctant.

"Come on, don't be scared," he cooed. You opened a little wider and he gently placed the two fingers on your tongue. You swirled your tongue around slowly, tasting sweet, kind of salty as well, but you weren't sure if that was you or his fingers. Taking in your appearance with his fingers in your mouth, he gave a breathy chuckle. "Cute."

He stood up from the bench with a sigh, taking a step in front of you. "Just one more thing, that okay?" he asked, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile.

"Yeah- yeah sure," you agreed. Even though you were unfamiliar with what you guys were doing, you were just glad you could help him out in some way.

"Good girl. --Has anyone told you how sweet you are?" He leaned forward slightly and cupped your cheeks to tilt your head upwards as you stayed seated on the bench.

"Some people, mhm," you nodded.

"Well, they weren't lying." He complimented you casually, making your stomach lurch in an oddly pleasant way. You adverted your gaze so you could soak in his compliment, your head then snapping up at the sound of a zipper. He gave you a wink that you'd be thinking about for the next week and a dazzling smile that you couldn't protest against.

He guided your legs up off the ground so you'd be kneeling on the stands bench and turned you around, having you facing opposite of the center of the quidditch pitch, towards the castle. Your eyes widened from the circumstances, the risk of being so exposed. You heard him shuffle a little behind you, the sound of his pants going down, boxers following.

You felt one of his cold fingers brush against your skin as he pushed your skirt up, making you shudder. He pulled your sodden underwear down and you heard him take a sharp inhale. His fingers ran over your folds, eliciting a groan from him. "You're so wet... n' you've never done this?" he asked you.

You shook your head, making him sigh.

"And you really want to give this to me?"

"Yeah, I do," you muttered quietly. You didn't care that it was Theodore, you just saw him as someone who needed some help and you were going to give it to them... Oh, who were you kidding? Of course you cared that it was Theodore. The Slytherin that you'd always catch yourself ogling at during the quidditch games, the one you'd stare at in potions, the guy you'd hold the door open for before Charms class.

Seeing no reason to delay his pleasure, Theodore positioned himself between your legs, holding your waist from behind as he pushed the tip of his cock into your ready cunt. You couldn't help the large gasp you let out while he stretched you out. You tried to recuperate momentarily, but he continued to enter you slowly, feeling as if there was no end.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he murmured. He slid in and out of you slowly, picking up the pace over time before you started to let out involuntary moans.

"Theo- Theodore," you huffed out, almost whining. "The castle-- someone could see us," you worried.

His pace becoming incontinent, he brushed off your concern with ease. "No one will, okay?"

Even with his reassurance, you couldn't help but feel sheepish, your anxiety spiking as the thrill got to you.

"Oh my g-god," you moaned. Theodore leaned into your back, head resting on the nape of your shoulder. He snaked his arm on your other shoulder, putting you in a headlock. You brought your hands up to hold his arm, your mind going blank as he started up a relentless speed on you and had his other arm travel down to rub on your clit.

"Shh, shh," he whispered. "Now they will see us if you don't quiet down, yeah?" You nodded in agreement, understanding that you mustn't be loud. After a few minutes of biting back your moans as he drilled into you, he positioned you to lie on your back, on one of the benches. You complied and allowed him to reposition himself into you.

"F-fuck!" You mewled, unable to contain yourself in the new position.

"Shh, shh, shhh..." he shushed you once again, covering your mouth with a large hand as the other held both of your legs against his chest. "Be quiet for me, okay? You can do it," he murmured into your ear, leaning forward to kiss your cheek.

You nodded slowly as you looked up at him when he pulled his head away from you. "Good... so good."

So entranced by his eye contact, your brain drowned out the sounds of his cock going in and out of your sopping cunt, forgetting all about your precarious surroundings.

You felt the knot in your stomach begin to unravel and you knew that your orgasm was nearing. You clawed at Theodore's hand that was on your mouth and he let go, allowing your ragged gasps to float out into the air.

"You okay?" he asked you. "You close?" He couldn't help but smile endearingly at your state, horribly disheveled, biting your own lip to keep yourself from attracting attention.

"Mm," you nodded weakly, feeling your legs begin to shake. As you came undone, you felt him slow down, letting out groans of his own. You bit down on your lips harder and you could feel tears creeping into your eyes as you felt overloaded with sensations. He pulled out of you with a light pop and stepped towards your head.

He had his cock a few inches above your face and looked hesitant before asking, "May I?"

You honestly weren't very sure of what he was requesting, but you let out a soft yeah, being surprised once he spilled onto your face.

Your lips parted into an o-shape as you squinted slightly. After one last drop, you ran a finger on your cheek, observing the mark he left on you trailing down your finger. He dropped his hands to his side and crouched down to be face level with you. He cupped your face with his hands as he ushered you to sit up.

"You're a sweetheart, so nice of you to help," he praised. Even though he had just done things to you that you'd never even been brave enough to imagine an hour prior, you couldn't fight back the bashful look on your face.

"Of course," you whispered. "Do you feel better?" you asked, pulling your underwear back up.

"Yeah, yeah I do," he chortled. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss on your forehead.

You saw the sky darkening by the second and looked out the pitch. "Oh! Someone's coming!" you exclaimed.

He gave a mischievous smile that you could stare at for days, planted a quick kiss on your lips, and grabbed your hand to stand you up, brushing ur skirt down to cover your behind.

"Then let's go."

―――――――――ʚ♡ɞ―――――――――

[pyrrhiccomedy]

I am genuinely so proud of my wife for becoming a crafts person over the last few years.

Like, I was always a crafts person. I was an arts and crafts kid. My parents sent me to classes or summer camps or after-school clubs pretty much continuously from when I was about 5 years old, and over the years I did metalsmithing, stained glass, polymer clay sculpting, loom weaving, oil painting, charcoal drawing, clothes-making & tailoring, carpentry, woodcarving, macrame, miniatures, beading, jewelry-making, basket weaving, leatherworking, paper-making, bookbinding, papier mache, decoupage, sand sculpting, and probably more that I'm forgetting. There was never a day in my life while I was growing up when my entire bedroom floor wasn't taken up by 2-5 different ongoing art projects. As an adult, it's given me the firm confidence that I can walk up to pretty much any crafting skill, and get the hang of it, and enjoy doing it.

My wife never had that. She wrote, but that was really her only artistic outlet. Art & craftsmanship were just not any of her business. She always expressed admiration for my gumption when it came to making things with my hands, usually with a "bigger idiots than me have done it" attitude, but she was certain she'd be bad at it if she tried it, and that she wouldn't have fun. As evidence, she would offer every time in her life when she had attempted to learn a craft, and didn't have fun, and all the Arts And Crafts kids picked it up a lot faster than her.

Which like - yeah! Learning how to do a new craft is a skill all on its own! Fine motor control is a skill developed over time! So is spatial reasoning, and materials intuition! She wasn't just 'trying to learn wreath-making,' or whatever, she was trying to learn how to learn how to make something with her hands AND wreath-making, at the same time, so of course it would take her longer than the kids who already had the first part, and of course it would be more frustrating for her. I knew she wasn't uniquely bad at crafts: she just didn't know how to approach picking them up, because she was never encouraged to learn.

And then the pandemic hit.

And while we were all trapped inside and going insane in new and exciting ways to all of us, she tentatively decided to pick up embroidery. She probably wouldn't stick with it, she explained: she'd probably be bad at it. It probably wouldn't be fun. But she thought embroidery was pretty, and literally what else did she have going on?

And then she did stick with it. For over a year. And she got pretty good at it! She embellished a baseball hat for her sister with cactuses and wildflowers from where they grew up which came out adorable. She made an embroidered portrait of one of our friends' cat that they still have displayed in their entryway. And she discovered - and remarked on it often, with mild surprise - that she was having fun. She'd say a lot of stuff like "this stitch was so frustrating at first, but now that I get it I really like doing it," or "I kept getting this tangled but I've figured it out now. I just needed to relax."

Then she took up pottery. We did that as a couple for about a year, too. Now she's a knitter.

And it's just been so great, to see her eyes light up when she sees a sweater she likes, and hear her say, "I could make that!" She's slowly let go of the perfectionism that I think holds a lot of people back from doing crafts: that dismay when you make a mistake which leads to discarding a whole project, or starting something over. More and more she's taking on the veteran crafter attitude of "oops lol, whatever I'll just keep going." She's picking things up faster. She's taking pleasure in learning incremental steps. She's started to see crafting as something that relaxes and engages her, instead of as something inherently frustrating. I've gotten to watch her learn to find joy in making something with her hands. I always knew she was creative and artistic and capable of learning how to do anything. It's been so much fun to watch her start to take that on as part of how she sees herself.

We have this running joke about how she will prematurely declare herself to be in an era. Like, she'll go swimming twice and announce that she's now in her "swimming era," and then never go swimming again. Or she'll make one smoothie, buy a bunch of fruit, and declare that we are now in a "smoothie era," and then a week later we have to throw out a bunch of fruit that's gone bad.

The other day (while she was knitting, and I was sitting on the couch next to her doing crochet), she went, "I feel like I've gotten - like, I'm a bit crafty these days, I think. Like, I've done a couple of different crafts, and gotten pretty good at them. I think this is now, kind of, you know...something that I can say that I do."

I supplied that I would even go so far as to say that she was in her "crafting era."

Her eyes widened. "It's an era?"

I pointed out that it was something she'd been doing pretty much continuously for the last three and a half years. That feels like the start of an era to me.

"Yes," she decided. "It's an era. This is my crafts era. I'm a crafts person now."

She's planning to make me a sweater with a duck on it for fall.