#i'm not even kidding with that last one btw
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FORD MUSTANG '66 BACK SEAT
~2k words (i got carried away :p)
pairing: teen! dean winchester x teen!virgin! reader
> your uncle got you a perfect 18th birthday gift - white ford mustang '66, and dean is in awe. not only because of the car, but because of the birthday girl too
warnings/notes: smut, minors dni! f! masturbation mentioned, loss of virginity, fingering, p in v, unprotected (done by professionals don't try at home), softdom! dean, afab! reader, really fluffy and gentle, lots of kisses i mean how do they still breath, may be kind of continuation (but not a direct one but after some time yk) of my previous work with teen! dean and teen! reader, reader is hunter btw but this is mentioned less, no usage of y/n
REPOSTS WILL BE APPRECIATED
"Are you kidding...he gave you that baby girl? Damn it, your uncle has taste!" Dean laughs, approaching the vintage car from the bumper, palms wide on the cold metal. He stares out the windshield, then walks around the car in a circle before turning back to you, one arm around your shoulders.
Your birthday was literally, like, a week ago? But since your uncle was busy, he didn't get you a present until yesterday. And today Dean was here on your call. Secretly from dad, of course. Sam's at school somewhere, so there's no need to keep an eye on the kid, so, uh...
"Uh-huh. A useful gift for hunters, huh? Especially since uncle let me hunt alone or with you now... Cool stuff. And even though I'm a bit of a machine builder 'cause I'm always helping him, I think I'm gonna need some help, you know..." You start, turning so that your fingers slip into his messy hair, and Dean laughs.
"If you want me to drive this hottie until you get your driver's license-"
"Bingo!"
Dean laughs, his hands finding a place on your ribs as he pulls you into a tender kiss. The touch of his lips on yours was always too gentle, and it was infuriating sometimes. Knowing Dean, he could have done so much more. Just cared, I guess?
You kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his neck. Knowing Dean freakin' Winchester, it was easy to see that he loved you very much. Well, loved you as much as he could. Sometimes it was a fight, but not a big one - hell, you're only 18, what the hell is there to fight about?
Especially since you now had official permission for alone time - soon you'd be hunting together, which meant lots of adventure, blood, sweat, and lives saved. Sometimes that last point was purely functional, and yet. Just you and him.
You couldn't call yourself an innocent Christian girl. You hated the church, God and angels with all your soul after all you had seen and gone through. They're in, they're out, it doesn't make much difference. So sinning didn't seem like a bad idea. Especially when you're just getting back from a walk with Dean in the night, when he's running away from home in his father's car - let's just say he wasn't promised his own car until he was 21 - and the feeling of his hands on your cheeks, ribs, waist and hips still hangs in space...
Then your fingers traveled south, stroking first the lower abdomen, then the labia, then the wet passage, and finally up to the clit.... you could've sworn your panties hadn't been dry after any encounter with your boyfriend. Dean's wink or a glance at your neck, your waist, and you'd be drowning. God, why's he so pretty all the time?
"Okay, now..." Dean pulls back and walks around the car to open the door and land in the driver's seat. His eyes glisten, and you can tell he's enjoying this immensely. Somewhere along the lines of his favorite movies and listening to Led Zeppelin.
His strong palms grip the steering wheel, and he leans back to keep it at arm's length. And Dean laughs again, stroking the leather of the steering wheel with his thumbs. "Pretty one, that's for sure..."
You land in the backseat, and he turns to you, raising an eyebrow. Without even hearing his question, you smile and fold your hands in your lap.
"I can't get used to the fact that it's all, like, mine. And I'm kind of scared to sit in the front. I guess it'll pass with time." You don't have time to finish the sentence when he gets out of the car, and a few moments later he's standing in front of the open backseat door.
"Then I should join you," he laughs, jumping to you, putting his hand on your lower back. You shriek and laugh, pressing your lips against his. The kiss is long, sensual, and at some point Dean's hands move down to your thighs, spreading them wide, and he pushes you back against the seats, towering over you. When he pulled away from the kiss, you looked up at him wide-eyed, doubt flickering across his face instead of a smirk.
"Uh...I hope you've-...you've already had someone, right...?" he gently takes you by the hips, wrapping your legs around his waist, and you only blush.
"Well...no?"
Dean closes his eyes for a moment and frowns, stroking your thighs with his thumbs, the same tenderness he used to stroke the steering wheel of your Mustang. Yeah, well, considering you were a hunter too, you didn't have much of a chance for a relationship...
"Ah, so...I get to be first? Woah..." he'd be lying if he said it didn't excite him even more, but it scared him too. However, he smiles and bends towards you, not allowing you to give an answer, his lips pressed against yours again. He places one hand on your chin, gently, two fingers opening your mouth for his tongue as his other hand creeps down to your stomach, stroking it.
"God, you're so- aah, fuck..." Dean sinks down between your legs, unzipping the fly of your jeans and pulling them down your legs. When his teeth snag the elastic of your panties, you whimper, putting your hand on his head, and he laughs. "Shh, not yet."
He looks at your glistening, wet folds, and God, it means everything. Dean licks his fingers - though it wasn't necessary at all, you were fucking soaked - and gently presses his thumb against your clit. When that elicits a soft moan of his name from you, he chuckles.
"Are you okay, baby?" He whispers, kissing your stomach, and gently pulls up your t-shirt. He kisses your collarbones while his free hand works on the clasp of your bra.
But God, you're too good to respond with anything but a whimper. You take off your shirt, and he pulls off your bra, and for a moment he just stops, staring at you. A low growl escapes Dean's lips. "You're so beautiful for me, baby..."
He brings his hand back to your pussy, gently stroking the space next to your passage, and your already tight walls tighten around nothing. He whimpers at the mere sight, pressing his lips to your nipples. Every sensation is new, every touch sending shocks of pleasure through your entire body. You put your arms around his neck, one hand creeping up to his disheveled hair, the other reaching down to his back.
Dean throws off his leather jacket and flannel, leaving only a T-shirt, and the cold material of his amulet burns your skin as he leans in again to leave kisses on your skin. "It might hurt now. Tell me if you need me to stop..." But you both know that neither you nor he wants to stop it.
Dean rises to capture your lips again in a kiss, and his middle finger slides into your channel, and you let out a loud sob at the sensation. His fingers are different, feel completely unfamiliar. And it's too exciting, especially when he gently pushes his finger deeper, and your core squelches so lewdly that you blush.
"De...feels so good," you whimper, hugging his shoulders, your hands in fists clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. "I'm trying, love," he laughs against your lips, his finger stroking your walls in a circular motion, and you grind against his hand - at which point Dean presses his hand to your stomach and begins to move his own finger inside, discreetly adding his ring finger as well.
You arch your back, and he kisses your cheek. "So good, you're so good, baby. So good at taking me like a good girl," your walls clench around his fingers at his praise, and Dean groans at the sensation - the bump on his jeans getting noticeably harder as he muffles both his and your moans with a kiss.
You feel bratty, pulling your hands to his belt, and Dean growls against your lips. "Can you handle this? I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart," he pulls his own jeans down, tossing them off his legs somewhere on the back of the driver's seat, followed by his T-shirt. Your fingers stroll phantomly over his waist and hip bones as he slides his fingers out of you with a squelch of your walls, and you whimper unhappily.
"Please, Dean-"
"Shh, shh, shh..." He strokes your cheek, bending down to kiss your swollen lips again, and his free hand guides your palms to the waistband of his boxers, and you obediently pull that down, letting him away from the kiss. Your eyes widen as you stare at his erection, and Dean chuckles shyly.
"Whoa..." you lick your lips, and purely out of interest, you touch your fingers to the tip. His shaft throbbed, and Dean let out a high-pitched whimper as his precum began to glisten under your finger.
"Baby, let's not make any more comments," he picks up your hand, intertwining your fingers, and gently positions himself between your thighs. Dean can't resist the opportunity to rub me against your swollen clit, and you synchronously make almost identical sounds - something between a high-pitched moan and a sob.
"...Are you sure?"
"Dean, shut up and get to work."
He laughs, leaning down to your face again. "That's my girl."
And he pushes into you in one, slow thrust, inch by inch, swallowing your moans of pain and pleasure in another kiss. God, a little more, and your lips would have turned blue.
He pulls away from your lips, arching his back, and catches your hands in his, intertwining your fingers again. Dean hisses, squeezing your hands. "So fucking tight...just for me, huh...?"
He doesn't just fill you up - his hardness overwhelms you, and you feel complete for the first time in your life. Your fingers grip his hands as if your whole life depends on it. "F-fuck, it's so huge-"
"Believe it or not, you're the first person to tell me that," he leans to you again, kissing your cheek as his hips move and he begins his slow pace. His thrusts may be measured but they're precise, each time his tip taps harder on that most sensitive point inside you, and it seems there are more stars in front of your eyes than there are in the night sky.
"You're doing well, baby...So tight, so wet, so pliable, just, just for me..." He whispers into your ear as his thrusts become less controlled, more needy. Your walls quiver and his length throb more and more inside-you're both close, and that knowledge drives you insane.
"D- yaaah, Dean, I'm close-" He doesn't answer anything, just presses his lips against you again and roughly penetrates your mouth with his tongue, his palms gripping your waist hard enough to bruise it, but one hand does drop down between your bodies to caress your swollen clit, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
And this is it, you cry out his name, your walls tighten around his cock, and he hisses, with a loud pop of your bodies releasing his length from your heat.
But you don't let him out that easily.
"My turn," you grin weakly, your hand taking his erection in your fist, giving it a few quick strokes, and he fucks your fist like he's in heat, nuzzling his face against your neck, making a moan so pathetic it's even cute.
"I love you so much...Baby, baby, sweetheart, fuck-" He whispers frantically, and with one final thrust, shots of his seed crash into your palm, your side, and the leather of the seats. Dean wraps his arms around your shoulders tightly, pulling you close, his face finding its place in your hair as he exhales hoarsely. "So fucking much..." he says, breathing heavily, his voice muffled by your locks.
There were tissues in the glove compartment, right?
a/n: still love my baby. still a tooth rotting fluff. your honor I'm sorry!! was working on reqs but i just thought of this idea and couldn't get it out of my head so that's it.......
#supernatural#spn#dean winchester#supernatural x reader#dean winchester x reader#dean x reader#supernatural fluff#dean winchester smut#supernatural smut#dean winchester x fem reader
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at this point, it is clear to me that this is a person whose sole mission is to harass Jews (so I have blocked and reported). I got all three of these asks last night, but was tired so decided to deal with them in the morning.
So let's go through them shall we.
"it's giving JAP vibes and my diaspora/convert Yehudi friends cringe at people like you"
okay so first of all this person is not jewish. and JAP is really only something that should be said intracommunity if even at all. and clearly this person misunderstands the definition because circumcision has nothing to do with being a JAP (which for anyone who doesn't know stands for Jewish American Princess-- it is not in this context a slur for Japanese)
and secondly I'm also diaspora. and I've never met your diaspora/convert (which btw are not interchangeable terms???) friends, so I actually don't care what they think.
2. nothing particularly wrong with the second ask in nature, except it's obviously not in good faith and also
I don't actually feel particularly strongly about circumcision! I'm not circumcised and I don't have any kids of my own. My original objection to this person was coming into a post I made refuting vile antisemitism and talking about circumcision. Which is another discussion I personally feel should be intracommunity.
3. "You can be Jewish AND anti-Zionist/Israel. I genuinely don't see the issue and why people are so willing to suck Netanyahu's dick."
I'd like to correct this statement. One can be Jewish and anti-Zionist/Israel.
But I cannot. Because I really care about the meanings of the holidays and services. For me, Judaism is so incredibly intertwined with e"y that to get rid of that would be to strip down the prayers and holidays until you've got nothing left but a weird capitalistic Hanukkah bush.
And fuck Netanyahu. He is a criminal and I hope Israeli leftists someday get to throw him into a prison cell like they want to.
But to anyone on Jumblr: do yourselves a favor and block this person.
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i mentioned this in the notes but. you know what. let's add it to this insanity: the way cameron ties into this. the way chase is absolutely, positively sure with her. for the first time in his life, with all his doubts and all his attempts to be good and obedient and do what he's told and follow the script of god, of his father, he… falls in love. and he's sure.
CHASE: You have doubts. CAMERON: And you don’t? CHASE: No. CAMERON: Well, that’s… naïve. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. That’s how I feel right now. But I don’t… know. CHASE: I’ll wait until you do. CAMERON: I can’t know. No one knows. CHASE: I do.
ten years from now, he says. he has no doubts, he's absolutely sure, probably for the first time in his life: this is his path, he's figured it out, he knows, and six months later it's over. (no wonder, btw. no wonder chase doesn't seriously date again after this. not because of cameron, exactly: because of what all that meant and represented. another attempt at defining his life and finding direction, and it didn't even last a year.)
by s7 and s8, house pretty regularly accuses chase of being afraid of intimacy, of sleeping around to avoid relationships and connections. chase was presented as a flirt before this, but not that.
he falls immediately for moira, the nun, someone also struggling with guilt (the boy she nannied died, she blames herself) and faith and who wants desperately to find meaning, to find purpose. it was a rebound, chase seems to admit house is correct on that front, but that doesn't mean it wasn't real, that moira wasn't a mirror to his every internalized struggle. he tells her he was married once, that he can do relationships.
MOIRA: I tried the outside world. It wasn't enough. CHASE: Ever been married? MOIRA: No. CHASE: No kids. You never found a career. Doesn't sound like the outside world got much of a try. What you're headed towards now, fourteen hours a day in silent prayer, never having a family, never touching another human being. MOIRA: Just because that's what you'd miss the most. The nurses talk. CHASE: Nothing's wrong with having fun. MOIRA: They said you were almost killed three weeks ago. You go right back to fun? CHASE: Is that why you wanna be a nun? Someone broke your heart? MOIRA: No. I'm just looking for something more. CHASE: So am I.
no marriage. no kids. no family. "nothing wrong with having fun," he says, but plenty of other episodes explicitly say he finds sleeping around boring, he is bored on his date later this episode, it isn't fun.
HOUSE: Or you're terrified of intimacy, which is why you're a serial slut. But right now you're grasping at an emotional life raft. Ideally someone for whom intimacy's not an option. That actually makes sense, which I can't say about anything else you've been doing.
honestly, has chase ever really had much of the 'outside world?' he's probably known he would be a doctor since he was a child. he doesn't hate it, but did he ever have a chance to consider anything else? he has a career, but in this episode he's doubting and regretting it. in the last episode, he looks scared, not proud, to have his name on the door. he's not unhappy. i really don't think he is. but he's never had much choice either. he doesn't have any of the things he tells moira she'll want, either.
and yes it is all tied together. the constant searching and longing for meaning and purpose. moira has it. he doesn't. the one brief window chase did have meaning and purpose and what he wanted (family, intimacy, love, certainty) slammed shut, and continues to affect and fuck with him for years after; he's still reacting to it even now. ("i was married," he assures moira. "i can do relationships.") insane
Okay need to make a post entirely about chase being insane about religion. Chase's endless religious cycling. how badly and desperately and clearly he wants to believe, how much he wants faith and god, and how he can never quite - make it. Never quite get there. How he openly admires and defends the faith of others, faith and prayer as concepts, how he turns to confession in a crisis, how he still has large parts of the bible committed to memory, how he never answers any questions about his faith, if he believes in God, if anything.
In Damned If You Do, he shares his favorite bible verse with the nun. The episode itself paraphrases it a little, but the verse he mentions reads:
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
(you will suffer. it will be so hard. you will be tested. gold can be melted and your faith is more valuable, and if you keep trying, you will be rewarded, you will.)
(AUGUSTINE: Why did you leave the seminary? CHASE: That test. You passed, I failed.)
Here Kitty:
PATIENT: Do you want to tell me what an idiot I'm being? CHASE: No. I really believe that there are things that science can't understand. That there is a role for faith and prayer. But it's in the waiting room. Not the O.R. PATIENT: There's a reason I got sick. There's a reason for all the bad things that have happened to me. I don't know what that reason is. But I know that if there isn't one… If there's no greater purpose in the world. Then it's not a world I want to live in. CHASE: I'll schedule an operating room.
House Training:
CHASE: You want to go get drunk? FOREMAN: No thanks. I’ve got paperwork. CHASE: Listen, I don’t… I don’t know what I believe, but sometimes I need to think there’s something out there paying attention. So when I can’t talk to anybody, I talk to God, and pretend somebody’s listening. We were all wrong, Foreman. Even House was wrong. FOREMAN: I know.
He leaves the chapel in Damned if You Do. He prays for the baby in Forever. He gives the woman in Here Kitty her risky surgery; he defends the faith healer and Wilson's girlfriend's faith in House vs. God.
House vs. God:
HOUSE: When you were in seminary, did God ever talk to you? CHASE: …No.
Chase:
I always wanted to believe. It would have made my life a lot easier. It never took.
(AUGUSTINE: You told me your favorite passage. Would you like to hear mine? “Celebrate and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again.” CHASE: …The prodigal son.)
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AND ANOTHER THING
1) Jimmy is not naturally sadistic. He's an asshole of epic proportions but he's not a sadist. Nor is he a senseless killer. Would Jimmy have killed Anya if he had access to the gun? It's likely. We dont know that for sure, but if he were to kill her there would be too many questions, too much time left on the ship to avoid facing immediate consequences (and lose respect from the rest of the crew) and he'd have to fight and kill everyone else. That's just too much for a man who's concerned about his image. If he killed himself though... no matter what happens afterwards he wouldn't have to deal with the fallout.
Crash the ship and everyone dies? No fallout from the crew or consequences.
Crash the ship and everyone but the captain (who was in on the plan until the last second) comes out unscathed? "It's Curly's fault! I'm good, he's not!" and Jimmy gets to avoid that fallout for a bit. And then Anya starts talking and fuuuuck, he cant get out of this one now can he? But he's captain now, so he's gonna take this second chance and not let anyone take it from him. Granted... Granted he did cause the crew to die, but the only intentional death was Swansea's. I dont think Jimmy would've put Curly in the cryopod if he understood that Curly would freeze to death so there's that, too.
Jimmy is manipulative but he's also delusional. This man believes in his bullshit and that made him so dangerous.
He wasn't always just doom and gloom. We mostly only saw him after getting the worst news of his life twice and tossed into a pressure cooker hell of his own making. That he swore he wanted, btw. Delusional. He was weird but chill before the Pony Express announcement.
This man's main coping mechanism is when he's not in control of a situation is denial and when that doesnt work he lashes out. How can anyone confront him when he doesn't even want to confront himself? I know his mind goes blank before he makes all kinds of excuses for his mind to eat up. It's that panic. That moment of realization that lashes at his hind brain and he has to build a wall to protect it. When the wall isnt enough he has no idea where to channel that frustration except through outburts and violence. Someone should've given him a journal or some shit.
Jimmy was hallucinating Daisuke's grave before the kid even died, lord have mercy. He did not mean for that to happen and the guilt was attacking him immediately. He still went in denial mode tho, trying to save him with that damn mouthwash. That being said, the denial mode was weakening and the guilt was coming for Jimmy tenfold. He couldn't even commit to the whole "It's Swansea's fault" bit. Reality was breaking through his denial door and Jimmy couldn't stop it. And it was thus when he lashed out at Swansea with the gun.
And damn... that speech Swansea gave him. A reality that Jimmy couldn't accept. If Jimmy was in a better state of mind maybe he would have understood what Swansea was trying to tell him, but I think Jimmy heard Swansea say "this ideal life I worked so hard and so long for wasn't what I wanted" and Jimmy's first thought was "I'll fix it... with a gun".
... Makes me think how long Jimmy thought death was a way of fixing things.
#im just rambling#got mah thought juices flowing today#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#tw sa mention#tw suicide mention#anya mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing
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How this genius of a cluster mess these baby muppets wrote in 20 mins never got adapted into a real film? I'd never know
I! Just! Want! A! Work hard or die trying girl sequel! Episode!
COFFEE-
#i ALMOST forgot to add peter pescadero but last time it happened i couldn't forgive myself#so don't even think about it this time i'm not gonna let the tragic history repeat#jocelyn and her coffee is probably my favourite part to draw#peter is that kid in blonde wig and glasses btw in case no one notices 😔#bobs burgers#bobs burgers fanart#bob's burgers#tina belcher#gene belcher#louise belcher#we're not getting any more of the name tags the last drop of patience has left me
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage
#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it#tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5#i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing#spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time#spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation#got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old#which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid#but that made me feel really shitty#spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus#and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses#which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here#but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl#they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read#i'm so sorry everyone#i'll try to be better#i just had to put this out somewhere#and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it#anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow#i'm sorry guys#i really am😔
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five oc facts
@sparkiekong tagged me a VERY veryyyyy long time ago and i'm just now getting to this tag months later (i'm so sorry 😭)
i'll tag: @thebramblewood @mangosimoothie @queeniecook @stargazer-sims @dandylion240 @jonquilyst 🤍
i just did a similar prompt for áine, who is this sim's niece, so how about facts for cathal? he's also a newbie to my sims universe, and i adore him and his personality tbh, but canon reasons make it hard for him to be included too much outside of random simblr posts like this
he is WILDLY younger than all his other siblings (like by 20 years) and was a total surprise baby. really, he's kind of a medical miracle because he was born after his mother went into menopause and was in her 40s, and no one knew he even existed until he randomly sprang into the world one august morning lmfao 💀
i think i mentioned it in one post but he's been a vegetarian for most of his life! actually, he declared himself a vegan when he was, like, six years old; he figured out what eggs and meat really were and then refused to eat animal products for decades. much to his dismay, he did have to introduce eggs and milk and whatnot back into his diet when he ran into a few nutritional deficiencies from veganism, but he's made his peace with being a vegetarian instead 🥦
he 100% does not remember his father outside of what he looked like. his dad (and aoife's younger brother) died very abruptly and super young of a heart attack when cathal was maybe three or so, and it's something that really nags at him. he's well aware there's nothing he can do about it, but he feels some strange mix of bad emotions that he never experienced a father-son bond, and that makes him 100x as serious about being a good father who'll be around a LONG time and just generally treating anyone younger than him well. he doesn't want anyone else feeling that type of loss 🥲
he actually writes an agricultural column in the local online newspaper and contributes to the county farmer's almanac lol. his big shtick is sustainability in agriculture and how new green technologies should be combined with traditional cultural approaches to the land so the earth doesn't die in, like, 10 years from excessive carbon emissions 🍃💚
he met his wife yvonne in a ballroom dance class! he was just bored one day in college and went to the class to do something new, and he immediately developed the biggest crush on the instructor. he just kept going back every week until he was brave enough to ask her out, and when he did, they hit it off. oh, and this is totally their thing - he has quite literally taken her dancing every weekend since they got together 😭😭😭
#SORRY THIS WAS SO MUCH#i ended up giving way more info for him than aine but cathal actually had a bunch of speaking parts in the story so i had more inspo#btw ngl i didn't even realize there was such an age gap between even him and eimear until like last week#at which point i had to come up with a way to explain it and i'm totally ripping some inspo from an episode of chicago med#where this exact thing happened: a lady had a kid after menopause lmao which is somehow technically possible#yes i did go on a rabbit hole reading real medical cases of this#also *keeps talking* yes he is supposed to be a sort of reflection/foil/something of grant#obviously not the same person and difference experiences but there is supposed to be a concurrent theme here of growth and goodness#and the fact that they were surprise youngest kids but one was treated well despite some life problems and one was not#tag games#hlcn: cathal#hlcn: oc info#hlcn: story extras
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This song is so Kim-coded
#cookie speaks#kim theerapanyakul#this band is better than therapy btw#l strongly reccomend Therapy and Just be Happy for my sad friends#not even kidding that this band saved my life when i wanted to kms llol#next time they come to LA I'm going to see them#i'm still heart broken that I gave up my chance last year#for a guy who couldn't bother to go with me#and ended up breaking my heart anyway#one of my biggest regrets from that relationship#all the shit he did to me and that's one of the things that hurt the most i'm ngl#i bought the tickets i was so excited#and he decided he would rather hang out with his friends#i should have gone alone#idk if I'm still in school next time they come around#im gonan go and I'll break my leg on the way home if I need an excuse for missing class#Spotify
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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tatsurinne.........
#ARGHGGGG I WAS GONNA UPLOAD THIS 3 HOURS AGO#BUT THAT STUPID FOUTH IMAGE#THE STUPID TATSUMI ON THE SECOND PHOTO#I'VE REDRAWN IT 10000000000000000000000 TIMES#AND IT STILL LOOKS SO BAD BUT I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I'M DONE#JUST LOOK AT HIM ON THE FIRST PHOTO AND RINNE ON THE SECOND ONE THEY ACTUALLY LOOK CUTE#btw the babygirl tatsumi I was talking about is the one on the right on the first image#OBVIOUSLY NOT THE LAST ONE LOL. URGGH#it;s gonna haunt me forever bbtu idccccc#at least he looks cute in the first photo <3 no idea what happened after tho </3 just look at rinne there#anyway#I imagine tatsumi's leg started acting up so rinne is bringing him wherever he needs to be or whatever#but as always you can make up ur own scenario#even now as I type this I have to be looking at that stupid fourth panel#anwayy#I feel like I want tatsurinne to become by brand or osmething I'm so invested in them for some reason#and then hopefully more people will see the light#and I'll be that one tatsurinne artist or something#just kidding rinne's hair is too annoying to draw for me to draw him regularly /hj#if u read this far I love you#tatsurinne#rinnetatsu#tatsurin#rintatsu#enstars#ensemble stars#kazehaya tatsumi#tatsumi kazehaya#amagi rinne#my art
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Zero idea if it'll help or fade into the background but I downloaded stuff to track things and smacked widgets onto my homescreen to not forget. Initially searched for pain ones (where I downloaded two just for good measure ig) but saw that one is customizable for like anything you want and no purchase stuff for me bc included in that one pass and said sure fuck it. I think at the min I need to track pain bc by my memory do I go mental thinking if it just feels frequent n all or if it actually is and mind goes blank when at the doc (will just be fun translating to ger OTL I learn sm to describe stuff in eng but then it lacks in first language). Alas for whatever reason lil me never thought abt actually writing these things down (prob bc every adult anyways dismissed them to the point of not being sure if the pain was actually there so what was the point. but now. now I'm the adult in my life who calls the shots for their own life even if anxiety makes it hard).
#a wild lux appears#randomly downloaded stuff when my headache almost made me want to cry again thank fuck for that binaural vid#Btw I will not tackle both languages full on at once they're just both there to not forget either#The group goal will prob be the hardest but at least I now realize I instead of beating myself up I just become avoidant#Which isn't good either but at least knowing what I do helps tackling it ykno#Btw the apps I got are dailyio. manage my pain. and. chronic insights (which is specifically for pain my recommendation since it's made by#one w it and completely free of ads n all. got a lot you can add n visually really nice. just fancy stuff behind paywall)#Zero idea if my stuff is chronic maybe I am since years in my denialism era either way pain is pain and I learned more online from disabled#ppl than from doctors which is just oh so great. but after learning not suprising yikes.#Also reg every adult I remember school trips being nightmares bc I ran out of energy and breath fast and the stops were not even close to#what I needed to recover.#Safe to say I became a v seething child who w reasons hated forced outdoors stuff#Got lots of fun stories which totally don't make me want to combust#This one is like. The tamest I think. Got literally locked out of my room to be foces to go outside#But all that is more stories abt one specific horrendous place I wish(ed) to burn to the ground than physical pain focused talk.#So gon cut it here#Need to shower anyways I just woke up I need v quickly food after it so cya#(just woke up I say. As if I'm not since like three hours awake but just since shortly out of my bed. anyways-)#Also last thing even if a child fakes pain to get out of stuff maybe talk w them as to why they feel the need to do that#Believe kids they know their body etc etc or I will hit you cartoon style w a piano over your head#Fuck wrote one app wrong I meant *daylio
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-. people actually do attempt to depict shinichi kudo as this cool, sexy, mysterious guy, strong, tall, hot-- he's a 17yrold failguy, a bitchboi twink, people let him get away with his attitude because he smiles pretty and is useful to Crime Solving which he only is because it's his ✨ special interest ✨, mr kudo pulled a karate queen who can cook, clean, and dodge bullets simply via autistic swagger, he's a nerd who beats up criminals by kicking a ball into their faces
#;ooc#;tbd#in other news i bought volume 10 this morning and HEIJI IS IN THIS ONE#for context: they're reprinting it in italy and adding it to two newspapers and my local tabacchino actually has it#most likely because one of the papers is La Gazzetta dello Sport and yknow italians and football and all that#SO I'M BUYING IT~ i've never bought something ongoing volume by volume it's my first time~#YKNOW WHILE IT WAS BEING PRINTED and in a local shop nonetheless#IT'S EXPENSIVE A LOT OF USELESS MONEY as a kid we never even did panini football cards yknow#so this is exciting >:3#ANYWAYS i'm oversharing i'll be a wee bit busy today#between this tag and the last a spider just softly descended onto my laptop and is now idly walking away IT'S SO PRETTY#it's so TINY~ so YEAH that aside i'll try to be on at some point >:3#shinichi's parents are fking insane btw i completely forgot about that whole case where it's just THEM like????#the kudos are some completely other brand of neurodiverse like damn
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Redraw of my very self indulgent baby Self Insert for FNaF Security breach just because how I draw Sun in the original reference makes me want to scream
#Emile's arts#It's still not GOOD his rays make me mad#But I don't want to mess with it and at least he has a functional color pallet now#My version of Security Breach is wonky but whatever this game's story is trash and patchy I am making it my own#I'm basically just a daycare kid who's parents one day didn't show up to pickup#Usually the Daycare Attendent would report this to Security but at this point Moon had been infected#So Sun anxious of Moon's erratic behavior decided nah this kid's just gonna stay with me#About a week later Moon drops a kid into the ball pit from super high up on his wire and gets the daycare shut down#The kid lived btw broke his leg really bad but he survived#The daycare's only scheduled to be shutdown a week or so but no one tells Sun that so he starts having a breakdown#My S/I is the only thing holding him together really and even THAT'S not really great#Sun is programed to 'love kids' and that might be a bit faulty of a program#(Sun is a Romantic F/O to this S/I)#He's falling apart and putting all his emotional support on a four year old and it's not going great#and then say four year old almost DIES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM#Yeah when the lights go out on the last generator Moon grabs me and goes real high up like he did with that other kid#I do still like Moon he's scary yes but he matters to Mr. Sun and I want him to be better#And I tell him this#And then he fucking throws me#Lights come back on Sun switches front and dives from the wire to catch me#Sun gets real busted up from the fall bent rays broken arm and ankles I break my glasses and fracture my arm#It's a bad time#idk what happens next a lot of trauma recovery I hope#And Moon eventually gets cured and I slowly get use to him again#Slowly...#That's about it anyway most the S/I thought are pre-game stuff anyway just. Being a daycare kid in love with Sun Sun in love with me#Etc etc#Sorry if you read my tags if that was like. Weird. It's where I am mentally with Sun it be like that#Cradle Ship
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LOOK AT HIM! TATUM IS HIM!
#sooo many things to focus on#al's sheer excitement as he sprints down#going to double ot against the raptors would have NOT been it i agree#you can't really see it from this angle but the nba twitter account had a great zoom in on luke#bro went nuts arms flying everywhere#also jb was like. shoved to the ground on that last play.#ball don't fucking lie!#shoving really is the jays love language#there's something immensely sweet that they don't have a huge celebration because they don't need to and they don't want to#it's enough to look into each other's eyes and give a lil shove and do their 'rolling the dice' handshake#taking a chance and trusting one another#and jrue was already holding up that three up as soon as the ball left jt's hands!#didn't even look up at the basket! the confidence!#al's kid also had an adorable hug#omfg i'm still in disbelief that was CRAZY#he BRICKED that middy at the end of regulation. fully airballed that shit. didn't even graze the rim.#totally open look bc the defender fucking fell down#and then this. the man was fully distracted by jb getting shoved#then realized the refs aren't calling SHIT and decided to avenge his “partner in crime” himself#goes for that well contested hand in the face stepback#his silly go-to shot that i swear he never makes except today#HE DID IT!!!#very funny that the one time they tried to do something else this play worked#bc this was clearly meant for jaylen but he got trucked and jt had to think fast and just. drilled it.#“jayson tatum not always there when you call but always on time” game 6 philly flashbacks#they said he wasn't clutch WHAT THEY GONE SAY NOW#i was being dramatic btw he's made a couple of shots like this (bucks knicks sixers)#jayson tatum#boston celtics
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