#i'm not as much mad at my work as i am like. capitalism. and this country. sighs

[fagdykevash]

hey there. if you're young with free time. please spend it on reading. or writing. or whatever hobbies bring you joy. make use of the long and boring classes, the road trips you didn't ask to go on, sermons and parties and whatever else your parents dragged you to. it feels like a pain, but soon, you'll miss it.

[bisexualpackrat]

.

[utilitycaster]

What is the d20 meltdown about? 👀 If you don't mind getting into it

I literally don't know other than vague shit because I'm semi-avoiding spoilers. I'm making this nonrebloggable because we're in pure speculation country.

From what I have gathered, people are mad because I think the Bad Kids kill the Rat Grinders (another adventuring group that's been set up as their bitter, jealous rivals from the start) and they want...redemption or some shit? This is absurd to me like this party was set up as The Enemy from the start.

I am 4 episodes behind so I can't speak to this, and also I admittedly have a rather low opinion of the D20 fandom at large for a number of reasons despite being a big fan of D20 shows, but: I just by chance watched the scene that I would say counts as a point of no return for at least some the Rat Grinders. Like, actually some of the most villainous shit I've seen on this show amplified by how petty and small and purely fueled by jealousy the motivation is.

My guess as to why the D20 fandom is, per whispers on the wind/texting my brother who is caught up/talking to friends not avoiding spoilers, having a meltdown about it is because people have this idea of Brennan Lee Mulligan always making capitalism the BBEG, or occasionally religion or politics.

That is untrue. He does hate capitalism, and that is a theme in the (real-world-ish set) Unsleeping City, but ultimately the thing Brennan sees as the villain is a willingness to hurt, exploit, and dehumanize others for your own goals and benefit. Capitalism and religious corruption are two major examples of this, but in the end, the worst thing you can do is kill people out of a desire for power, or attention, or spite. What Brennan truly hates is what we on Tumblr call a tar pit.

Now. My much more pointed analysis? Kipperlily (and presumably the other Rat Grinders) are deeply entitled people jealous of the Bad Kids, who aren't as academically strong at times but who have leveled up through saving the world at least three times. How many people does killing rats so much that you hit the high levels of D&D save? or even help? Like congrats, you're level 14 from killing rats real good. These guys stopped the fucking Night Yorb. Of course they get the fame and glory, you entitled, self-absorbed little brats. Do you not understand how this fucking works? This is underscored by the fact that they've definitely murdered at least one of their own and almost certainly two (and a teacher to boot) at least in part to get at the Bad Kids.

And herein lies my feeling as to why the D20 fandom is really melting down. Because the loudest and most unpleasant contingent (which is probably why the server is, ultimately, shutting down all discussion channels) have always struck me as entitled self-absorbed little brats who demand precisely what they want when they want it (and also have the literary analysis skills on par with the 3/4ths of a stick of Monterey Jack cheese currently in my fridge) and they're seeing, in real time, that in this story, they're the villain.

But: I haven't seen the next 4 episodes and I could be getting the details of the plot wrong (not the first 15 episodes though, and I do not think the Rat Grinders are going to make the world's best Heel-Face turn in 3-4 episodes, and at this point they're so clearly the villains that to deny it is to admit truly earth-shattering levels of stupidity) and so: nonrebloggable. I'm hoping to catch up this weekend though on both the show and the hot goss, and if I'm right this will become rebloggable.

ETA: I am caught up making this rebloggable but I'm actually more confused, because as my posts indicated this was not even like, edgy. Like I assumed maybe there was a twist where the Rat Grinders appeared to regret their actions or something but failed to do anything about it, making this a little bittersweet? but no there literally was nothing, they went into the final battle still like hell yeah we're going to be the living worst.

[burins]

Hi! I need the director's cut for "get out before the drop" please!

oh MAN. thank you for asking about get out before the drop! the jaydick topdrop fic is one of my favorite things I've written. i've been a little reluctant to talk about my jaydick fics because part of me was worried i was going to get death threats in my inbox and i got enough of that at work. but fuck it! i'm very proud of those fics- I think they're some of my best characterization work.

i wrote the bulk of get out before the drop on my phone at 2 AM after waking up in the middle of the night (like all the best fics: while slightly possessed.) like everything i write it's about bodies, but it's also about identity and boundaries and how your own understanding of those can smash up against someone else's. i say that not because i generally set out to write fics that are capital A About Things, this isn't an episode of degrassi, but it's kind of obvious what themes I had rattling around in the trunk.

continuing the rest of this below the cut (including discussion of consent and sexual assault)

obviously it's also a fic about consent. I said this in a few comments but I think fandom often sticks to one kind of story about consent-- which i absolutely understand. your standard rape recovery fic is a very cathartic story for many, many people! but in real life your partner is not a perfect fuck machine who dispenses sex in exactly the way you want it, in part because they are a human being and not a mind-reader. but also in part because for anyone, but particularly for survivors, it is often difficult to tell the difference between "this is uncomfortable but in a good and healing way" and "oh god i gotta eject." and that's no one's fault! learning to listen to your body again after ignoring its signals for a long time is hard, and it sucks, and sometimes you learn where your boundaries are by whacking right up against them.

that's all general; in particular i wanted to write that kind of story for dick and jason, who are two people who have lost control of their bodies innumerable times and in incredibly dramatic ways. i think that has got to fuck with your head unbelievably! i think dick in particular is extremely used to pushing through physical discomfort to get what he wants to achieve, whether that's a mission objective or a training goal or emotional closeness. he's been doing it since he was a kid on the aerial bars! he started out ignoring his body way before the multiple on-page sexual assaults that DC doesn't want to acknowledge as sexual assaults. and also all of the mind control, of which there is so much that i wrote a whole other fic about it.

jason, on the other hand, I think is someone who tells himself one story: he has very carefully forged his body into exactly what he wants it to be, which is a weapon. and he is determinedly not thinking about the ways in which he has had absolutely no control over his body (his death, his resurrection, the pit-related changes.) the story Jason tells himself is actually quite similar to the one Dick is clinging to, which is another reason I love to write about them.

a side note: I'm of the school that doesn't ascribe to long term pit madness. I think Jason comes out of the pit a little crazy in ways that have everything to do with profound trauma and very little to do with supernatural whammies. he makes his own choices immediately after coming back and they are bad ones. I think taking that agency from him makes the story much less satisfying and much less tragic. and there's plenty of other ways he loses agency! he died!

all of this was rattling around my head while I was writing. but then I had to actually end the fic. which I struggled with! I was worried the ending - where Dick says alright, let's go again, redo - would come off too pat. but I also didn't want to fall into the trap of making dick a weeping damsel. (fandom's general desire to make dick grayson experience misogyny could be an essay in its own right.) and ultimately I'm happy with where I ended it! it is almost certainly a bad idea for them to jump right back into sex after both of them had panic attacks. and what is jaydick but not a bunch of bad ideas that somehow end up working out.

this post is so long. I didn't even get into the identity stuff, but I feel like that is much more on the surface of the fic and I kind of said what I wanted to say in the fic itself. thank you for asking!

director's commentary meme!

[cats-mayhem]

Cow Shaped Cloud

Ok! So I read the entirety of @shepscapades DBHC AU and I am immediately obsessed. So I thought i'd try writing something for it! Haven't written anything in a while so I'm a bit rusty but we'll see what happens! I tried to make it as cannon compliant as I can. So uh timeline wise this takes place in s8 after Etho deviates but before the Moon stuff so I hope it fits in fine! I just like Pearl and wanted to write a fic centered mostly around her. So enjoy!

Story under cut Word count: 2,663

When Pearl heard from X that she'd get a android specifically designed to help her build, she was beyond ecstatic. As much as she liked building, she'll be the first to admit that it is taxing job to do, so having a little building buddy would be a great help. She'd heard about the other androids on the server, and has Met a few of them like Doc and Etho (Although Etho nowadays seems a bit... Weird), so she knew what she was in for.

At least she thought she did.

When X first introduced Pearl's Android to her, an Android named Impulse, she was shocked by how he looked. He wore nothing but shorts and a black T-shirt with a capital yellow I logo on it. His hair was neatly combed back like it had been prepped with gel (wait, was that real hair?? Could gel work on it?). Overall he looked so... Plain. Which is a bad first thought to have, Pearl admitted. She wasn't expecting X to give her Android the Gucci, but the plain look made the android look so... Off. She couldn't describe it but it wasn't going to deter her from continuing the path of having a building buddy.

"Hello PearlecentMoon, I'm Impulse. An Android designed to help you with anything you might need. My specialty is in building and strength. I am designed to have a long term efficiency, I can go long periods of time without resting. Perfect for your building needs." Impulse said, all in a very robotic and uncanny way. His voice sounded so human... It was weird to Pearl.

"See! Look at that, I didn't need to explain him at all, he did it all himself! (Well, I told him to say that before you came here but..)" X said, mumbling that last part and scratching the back of his neck.

Pearl glanced over and gave a small laugh towards X for setting up her androids introduction. Her gaze fixed back to the android in question though. She extended a hand.

"Well hi Impulse, it's great to meet you! Although, you can just call me Pearl."

"Preferred to be called Pearl. Noted." Impulse said before just staring at the extended hand, the thing that was originally blue over his left eye suddenly turned yellow. Pearl's smile didn't fade but she was a bit confused.

"Ah, right, he doesn't know what a handshake is so he's trying to figure it out on his own." X chimed in.

Pearl looked over at X, "You seriously didn't program them to know basic stuff like this?"

"Nope! They only know what they're built for. So for Impulses' case, he only knows building." X seemed as chipper as ever.

Pearl let out an annoyed sigh but couldn't stay mad at X for long, "Well, looks like I just gotta teach him." She looked back over at Impulse who was still staring at her extended hand.

"This is called a handshake. Uhm, give me your hand."

"Affirmative."

Impulse obeyed Pearls' word, extending his right hand out to her. She grabbed it and shook it with a gentle yet friendly force. Impulse gave no reaction. She let go of his hand (it was weirdly cold yet soft?).

"That's what a handshake is. It's a typical greeting for most people. If someone extends a hand towards you when introducing themselves, you shake their hand like that!" Pearl said, still smiling. She'll admit, it's weird having to explain what a handshake is to something so closely resembling a grown adult, but she's been through weirder. Probably.

"information noted. Storing in memory for future use cases."

"See! You two are already getting along! Now, like Impulse said he'll do anything you say and his main specialty is building." X chimed back in.

"Like... Anything, anything I say?"

"Well, yeah!"

"Can he do what others say?"

"Unless you tell him to do so, nope! OH! But there is one exception. That being me. I created him and all and needed to test him and stuff. So other than you, he can listen to me. But I won't order him around or anything! He's not mine after all."

Pearl nodded. That does make sense. Looking over at Impulse, he really is an impressive work of machinery. X may not look like it, but he's an absolute genius. Doesn't stop her from bullying him sometimes for being a derp though.

"Well thank you very much Xisuma! He'll help me so much with my base and other projects, I'm sure of it."

"No problem! If you have an issues with him, just contact me or Doc and we'll fix it."

"Will do. Wouldn't even know where to start if he started to break down on me." She laughed. (Issues? Like what issues? He seems so high-tech that it looks like he could NEVER have issues. Guess sci-fi really does have flaws).

She looked back over to her new android, Impulse, who has just been watching the two of them talk. Not budging an inch from where he was initially introduced. She gave him her widest smile, "Alright Impulse, follow me! I'm gonna show you to your new home!"

Impulse nodded very stiffly. "Following initiated."

On the way back to Pearls' base, she asked Impulse few questions. If he would really do anything she said, to which he fully confirmed. If his hair was real, which he explained it wasn't and was instead some tech stuff (Pearl didn't really understand the words). And most importantly...

"So like, are you emotionless?"

"Emotionless? I do not recognize that word." Impulse said, his circle above his left eye turned yellow again (to which Pearl now knew was an LED. Xisuma gave her a text shortly after she left to explain it because he forgot to explain it to her in person. Derp).

"Like can you not feel emotions? Like being happy, or sad, or embarrassed?"

Impulse shook his head. "No, that's not within my programming."

"Not within your programming."

"I can find nothing relating to 'emotions' such as 'happy' or 'sad' or 'embarrassed' in my code."

"Oh..." Pearl looked away. So he really was just a robot, huh? Just designed to help her. Did he need to look so human though? And miss the one thing that makes human, well, human?

The rest of the trip back to Pearls' base was rather uneventful. She didn't know how to feel about owning something that looked so human, but he was designed for her, and she knows the others use their own androids for stuff, so surely it mustn't be wrong for her to use her own android right? Yeah, let's roll with that.

There's a lot of positives to be had with Impulse. He didn't need to eat, and from what she heard, he can go long period without even needing a rest. PLUS he really will do whatever she says, which would lead to great cooperation for pranks later down the line.

But the longer Impulse stayed at her place and helped her out, the more out of place he felt in her life. Sure, it would take some time getting used to a humanized roomba (haha get it? because room. Robot roommate. Hilarious), she was starting to think it was because he was not only extremely robotic acting, but also extremely robotic looking.

It was the clothes that did it for her, she thought. The clothes Impulse had were way to plain. She didn't want to disrespect Xisuma's original design... But he did say that Impulse was fully for her, and Impulse said that he would do everything she asked...

...And he would look good with her expert and totally professional design skills...

...

When Pearl finished up the finishing touches of adjusting his big purple bow and his big yellow top hat just right, she's never been more proud of her handy work before in her life. She had a devious little smile on her face as she made Impulse be put into a ridiculous suit.

Impulse closed his eyes, probably processing his new look. "Would you like this to be my new default uniform?"

"YES!" Pearl excitedly says.

Impulse nodded. "Default uniform updated."

Pearl couldn't help but giggle at her fine work, and honestly? He looked kinda cute with the top hat and bow. Way less plain now, and she defiantly wouldn't mind seeing him around in this all day. Despite how goofy it is, she could get used to it. Get more used to it than the plain look anyways.

...

It had been a few weeks since Pearl first got Impulse. She's still getting used to him just being there, but his presence is comforting nonetheless. She'd try and make small talk with him all the time, but of course, without emotions, he fails miserably at it.

It was a shame, but that's how he was made, nothing she could do about it.

...Or could she?

She texted X.

'Hey so this isn't meant to be rude at all, but I got a question about Impulse.'

'What's up? :D'

'So like. He's a robot right? Can't you program him to feel emotions?'

'Oh! umm... No D: I don't think I can anyways. So far with my programming I can't forcibly create emotions. BUUTTT there is a way for him to maybe feel them some way down the line!! :D'

'Really? How? :O'

And that's when Pearl learned about 'deviancy'. Apparently, the androids can realize they're androids and become self aware to the point they can register feelings? Pearl didn't understand the technicalities of it. It sounded really complicated when Xisuma texted it all to her (didn't help that sentences were always interrupted with emojis or improper punctuation). All Pearl really got out of it is: Impulse can feel emotions, he just needs to disobey his code.

At least she's pretty sure that's what it is. Sounds easy in theory, but then X told her how Etho deviated.

It wasn't so easy in theory anymore after hearing that story.

...

Pearl looked over at Impulse, still in that goofy suit and top hat. He was placing down blocks inhumanly fast, as she had asked him to. He really was a big help around her base. Things were getting done left and right. She really did appreciate her building buddy, but she wishes he could appreciate her appreciation.

Impulse caught Pearl staring at him. "Pearl? Do you require something?" He asked.

Pearl shook her head, snapping out of whatever daydream she was in. "Nah, I'm fine, just taking a break is all."

Impulse nodded. "I shall get back to work then."

Pearl just hummed, sitting down staring up at the blue sky of the midday life on Hermitcraft. Beautiful white puffy clouds filled the sky and a nice gentle breeze carried the smell of spring in it. She took a deep inhale and sighed.

She then got an idea.

"Actually, hey Impulse, c'mover here."

Impulsed stopped working and walked over to Pearl once more. "Yes?"

Pearl patted empty space of the slightly slanted roof next to her. "Come sit."

Impulse obey. As he sat down, he only looked at Pearl, who was just mindlessly staring at the sky. Impulses' LED turned orange again.

"What is the purpose of this?"

Pearl shrugged, "Eh, felt like you could use a break."

"I'm not even through an eighth of my stamina for today. Resting now wouldn't benefit me much."

"Ah, I ain't asking you to rest, just asking you to take a break with me." She looked down from staring at the sky and smiled at Impulse, "It's important to take breaks with friends after all." She then looked back up at the sky.

Silence befell the two for a bit as Impulse still tried to process all of that. He didn't really understand a word she said. The silence didn't last long though as Pearl spoke up again.

"Hey, don't you think that cloud looks like a cow?" Pearl pointed upwards at said cow-shaped cloud. Impulse finally looked up at the sky with Pearl and observed the cloud.

"While it isn't the exact shape of a cow, the outline vaguely resembled one." Impulse said, looking at the clouds with Pearl.

Pearl just chuckled, "Yeah, well you can't expect details with clouds y'know? Find any other clouds that look like real life things?"

Impulse started to observe the clouds, calculating their shapes and sizes. "Well, that one looks like a chicken at a forty-five degree angle." Impulse pointed at said chicken-cloud, just as Pearl pointed at the cow-cloud.

Pearl tilted her head, "Oh right, it does. Wouldn't have seen that one!"

And that's what they did for the next twenty minutes. Just pointing out shapes in clouds. Impulse typically nailed the more organic looked clouds, such as trees and farm animals, whilst Pearl saw the more intricate clouds, such as thunderstorms or typhoons. Impulse has never seen any of those, so he didn't know. His LED flickered from the normal blue state, to the yellow state, back and forth. Pearl noticed, but Impulse didn't seem to be too bothered, so she didn't mention it.

During the end of their little cloud exposition, Pearl started rambling about how one day she wanted to harness the power of nature to fully make her builds. Impulse recommended a few designs they could try. Pearl asked Impulse to put a pin in that for later. He did.

She got up from her sitting spot and gave a nice big long stretch. "Well, that was nice. Thanks for doing that with me Impulse, it was fun."

"I only did as you requested."

"Still, it was fun wasn't it?"

Impluses' LED flicked yellow again as he tried (and failed) to analyze if what just happened constituted as 'fun' or not. Pearl rolled her eyes, but in a friendly nice way and offered her hand to the still sitting Impulse.

"Eh, you can answer that later. Anyway, let's get back to working!"

Impulses' attention went to the hand, "Why are you initiating a handshake without introducing yourself?"

Pearl sighed, a sigh mixed with friendliness and annoyance. "Ok, when people extend a hand to you when you're sitting down on the ground, it's a friendly gesture to help them up. You just take my hand, and use it to help yourself up! Try it."

Impulse didn't have time to say 'i don't need help getting up I'm strong enough to do that on my own' because Pearl gave him the order to try it, and he did. He roughly gripped Pearl's hand and used it as a way to hoist himself up from the ground. Pearl put effort into Impulses' hoist, but he doubts it was necessary. He lets go of Pearls' hand as soon as he's on his feet.

"Oh man you're heavy."

"Storing this in memory for future use cases. Also, androids typically weigh a lot more than organics such as yourself do."

"Yeah probably should've predicted that one. Anyway, let's get back to working. I want to see if we can get this roof done by the end of the day."

Impulse nodded. "Affirmative." as he goes back to the task he was given before the cloud intermission.

Pearl just softly smiles at Impulse as she herself gets back to work. She wasn't going to force Impulse to deviate. She certainly wasn't going to purposefully traumatize him into deviating like how Etho deviated (although Etho's deviation wasn't Bdubs purposefully trying... You get the picture). Impluses deviation should be something Impulse discovers for himself, not something Pearl should force upon him. While it would be easier to be friends with him if he was emotionally aware, for now? She's fine with her building buddy as he was. If he's like this forever, she won't mind.

...What she doesn't know though, is that Impulse is now downloading information about clouds and storing it in his memory for 'future use cases'.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I saw your ATSV reaction post and wanted to chime in a little about Miguel and Spiderman 2099. Because I love him but also your reaction to him is 100% correct, and I am also lowkey mad about people jumping straight to 'he did nothing wrong'-ing/fetishizing him.

Like, Miguel is trying his best (as Spiderman) but he's not a nice person! His arrogance and hot temper are major tenets of his character. His comics run is Mostly him fucking up his interpersonal relationships, finding out new horrible layers to the bad things that happen/ed to him, and then reacting poorly to those things (then dying) (he got better). I thought it was actually very fun of Sony to make him the Spider Society guy because he's the last person I would put in charge of anything. Like there's some fun commentary to be made on the fact that Miguel's canon lore also very much does not line up with the average Spiderman's backstory, while he's being written as placing himself in a position to act as arbiter-of-Spider-People, when he only Became a Spiderperson himself as part of a cascade of Reacting Poorly To Things.

(Be a corporate genetic engineer in the Horrid Capitalist Future -> trying to make A Spider-Man -> first human test goes horribly because your evil boss won't listen to you about the feasibility of your work -> try and quit via emotional outburst -> your boss gets you secretly addicted to illegal future drugs that are 100% addictive because they bond to your DNA or some nonsense -> your boss blackmails you into continuing to work on the person-melting Build-A-Spiderman genetics machine -> you decide to use the genetics machine to reset your DNA to before you were addicted to genetics-altering drugs -> your jealous co-worker sets the machine to give you 50% spider DNA instead -> you are mutated into a Horrid Spider Man -> you react to his by trying to kill yourself -> you live because your bullshit spider mutations save you -> all this and your drug addiction isn't even cured -> have the revelation that Capitalism Is Bad -> later find out your evil boss is also your dad)

It's unfortunately 100% in character for him to react to being happy and then incidentally destroying his own happiness (which, I have seen some wild takes about the whole 'replaced himself in another dimension' thing, but let's be real Miguel doesn't think he Deserves to be happy, so it was probably a BIT more complicated than him just being like 'hey free AU') by aggressively trying to police the multiverse because he's unfortunately a genius and also unfortunately just incredibly angry and aggressive and fueled by his own deep self-loathing and guilt.

Which is a long-winded way of getting around to the fact that Miguel using cult tactics on the Spiderpeople is because Miguel is using cult tactics on Himself to justify his actions (to himself) as part of (get this) a further cascade of Reacting Poorly To Things.

I'm personally still staggered by the fact that they made Miguel the Spider Society guy, like, I am really hoping this pans out in BTSV because, yes, Miguel has a storyline about messing around with the timeline, but that was Time not Dimensions, so I do want there to be a reason beyond 'who is the most maladjusted and traumatized and ill-tempered Spiderperson to be our antagonistic authority figure?'

Sorry this got long but ATSV has really unlocked new depths of hell for me in terms of 'niche comics character that doesn't get much attention now suddenly getting lots of attention'. I want to talk about my little guy but also my little guy needs to be appropriately contextualized and not belt-sanded into a dreaded fandom archetype.

god there's nothing I love more than a rant off a comic book fan whose little guy is being interpreted wrong. I spend most of my time in DC spaces so getting to reach across the aisle with empathy to a Marvel dude feels great, really bringing people together.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Things in Zombies Re-Animated that I can't stop thinking about/just stuck out to me Idk part 2, Electric Boogaloo:

The moonies are just werewolf periods

Like. They're literally just werewolf periods Idk what to tell you-

That's not like, a BAD thing, I just think fucking werewolf periods is a wild thing to introduce to the lore of this series lmao

On a similar note, I made a whole separate post abt this but I'm very confused by werewolf family dynamics I want more lore for that

WYATT'S A RACCOON NOW DON'T GET CLOSE HE'LL BITE

Bucky's very slight redesign in the Halloween special is so funny to me- he looks. So so tired. And yet he's wearing hot pink wolf ears. That dichotomy is very funny to me-

I keep getting the song Ashley was singing along to in Teeny Witch stuck in my head smh

Probably bcuz I keep rewatching Teeny Witch for the Dae content...

Guys I love Dae she's so silly

She's one of the first characters I've ever seen who's actively described by the promotional team as "shy and quirky" who isn't the most annoying person on the face of planet

And her dynamic with Bucky is so fun- genuinely amazing choice to pair them up

Wyatt has so much more personality in the show than he does in the movies. I think he's one of the characters that's def benefited the most from the tv show format

The gag about Addison being obsessed with label makers is so funny omfg

I also liked it when Addison went insane in the woods in the Halloween special that was really funny

Basically I just like that Addison keeps randomly losing her mind in this show I think its a good recurring bit

BACK ON THE SUBJECT OF THE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL- I think the writers forgot why the wolves were mad in the movies

"Sick of living in the woods" GIRL YOUR LIFE SOURCE IS LITERALLY DRAINING AS WE SPEAK I THINK THERE ARE BIGGER PROBLEMS AT HAND HERE

I'm also kinda disappointed that they're retconning Bucky being from Missy's side of the family. I think the idea of Bucky having some alien in him has a lot of potential, and I wish Re-Animated would capitalize on that.

The whole Paint it Blech episode was a fuckin MOOD

Also you can tell Meg Donelly was having so much fun voicing the lil stick figure guy lmao

I absolutely LOVE that we got a whole episode dedicated to Bree, Addison and Bucky omfg- we never actually got to see them working as a trio in the movies, since Bucky was like. The main antagonist in the first 2 and fucked off to hang out with the wolves in the 3rd. So I'm glad we're getting some of that here!

And since we ALSO got an episode dedicated to just the wolves, I hope we get one for the zombie trio in the future, too. We've gotten more of the 3 of them hanging out than we have of the main 3 cheerleaders, but it'd still be cool to get an episode on them :)

Unfortunately I don't think there's gonna be an alien trio episode... unless they decide to bring A-li and A-lan in for one episode and then send them back to the void with the 'aceys?

Which SPEAKING OF- I'm disappointed they fully replaced the 'aceys with just one guy...

Like I think I know WHY they aren't coming back, probably some combo of the writers not wanting to juggle 3 more recurring characters & the person in charge of budgeting not wanting to pay 3 more VAs, but it's still dissappointing

BRING BACK THE POLYCULE PLS I BEG

Also not to go into conspiracy theory mode... but Singular Acey seems really down bad for Bucky, and given that he's meant to fill the role of the aceys...

BACEY'S IS CANON IT'S CANON THEY'RE ALL DATING WOOOOOOO FUCK YEAH I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I am Delusional I am going Insane)

Bucky is unfortunately a mood-

I, too, am desperate for attention, annoying abt color theory to the point Ive gotten into fights about it, a lover of cool frogs, and won't stfu abt my pets

Wynter is also a mood but that's just cuz I have ADHD and she DEF has ADHD are you KIDDING ME-

Eliza making a version of the z-band to help Wynter focus actually really lends itself to the reading of z-bands as disability aids...

I think it's neat that Zed clearly still has strong oppinions abt the MLP rip off he watched as a kid. That is also a mood.

I'm starting to think that maybe everybody in this show is just a fuckin mood...

The depictions of siblings in this show, while not really a main focus, are really accurate lmfao

Also YES IM COUNTING ADDISON AND BUCKY FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

The interactions between Willa and Bucky in these episodes were all golden(even if they only interacted in like 2 of them-). I will never shut up abt how much I love them being friends.

It's funny how borderline photo realistic the Shrimpy model is

Okay that's it :)

[mandy4ever69420]

elaborate on your last post?

i've actually been marinating on this more or less nonstop! like how to phrase it and stuff. i have, like, notes.

& part of this is i had some spoilers as to who mickey WAS before i watched the show because he was what was dangled in front of my face like a pie in a window to get me to watch shameless. but the thing about mickey is like every thing you learn about him CAN absolutely be traced to his behavior in s1. mickey's one of the most consistently and unrelentingly himself characters in the show (the other is debbie). everyone else has like personality crises.

you can fit a shitload of development into someone like mickey being aggressively himself the whole time because he has every reason to be afraid of the consequences of his personality w/out actually being insecure or not knowing himself. so we as the viewer get to know him w/out any of the information being startling in any way from the jumpoff of s1. it's insane that i'm pretty sure he was meant to only exist in season one i just know he'd be haunting some psyches.

he like never apologizes for his personality. which is i think easy to attribute to "confidence" as a sort of nebulous concept but i think he's just kind of a realist. everything he hides has a very straightforward reason behind it and when the reason disappears so does his hesitance to just be that. & i think a lot of what reads as confidence comes from disinterest in other people's opinions & a pretty intense pragmatism and get-shit-done-ism. mickey kind of sorts people into "who gives a fuck" or "useful" & eventually he expands his "people who matter" category enough that even people he doesnt gaf about in the main cast he at least doesn't want to piss them off.

another thing about this is i've seen sometimes people who over-relate (very understandably) to mickey sort of take very seriously how much he must've been hurt in end of s5, end of s7. which is. i mean i will be honest i KNEW it was coming and watching love songs in the key of gallagher RUINED MY WEEK. which is a good thing. because i am out of my mind. but i think sticking on "well, ian should've been more sorry, or said something nicer later" out of feeling bad for mickey misses a little the point where what i really see in mickey is a "it hurt. obviously. extremely badly. fucking anyway" sort of angle.

this ^ isn't something i know how to explain very well. there's kind of a difference between going "well that was horrifying and i need to throw the fuck up" and moving on, and the sort of therapy-speak adjacent urge to linger over how everyone should be looking at their feelings about it. not mickey's language IMO. so mickey's pretty in tune with what's going on in ian's head so when ian hurts his feelings on purpose he's like mad that it worked, you stupid jackass. and then ian's guilt is sitting right there and he's like well you were so mean but it's more important to me that i can be around you than that my feewings are made much of. mickey's pretty steadily uncomfortable with touchy-feely validation or anything. this interpretation is also a me thing. obviously everyone's reads are going to be informed by their life experience but this is what makes sense to me.

1 of the biggest things i've noticed rewatching is how FAST plotlines start moving when mickey decides he's getting something done. which is interesting because he's also one of the least ambitious characters in the show.

mandy and ian both really believe they can get something nicer and safer and better (&fancier) out of life. mandy has the strongest drive out of them to grab something nice for herself (like.. even vicariously through lip, she's always trying) mickey is kind of right that it's not realistic for everyone to get something better than where they grew up. it's depressing as fuck to be resigned to but especially with a criminal record it's pretty predictable under capitalism that you would just get stuck. these things happen to people

it's very sweet to me that ian keeps dragging mickey along to like nice places and optimism while mickey is like be so for fucking real. weird enough this is the most mickey has in common with lip - the "steal it or scam it" observation that lip makes, but mickey is chill with breaking more serious laws and being arrested for it. & lip also doesn't go for ambition the same way other people in the show do because he has noticed these patterns. he aims for a nebulous "more" jump up in the class system ONCE specifically because of mandy.

fiona is the opposite to all this ^ naturally. in the way that her ambition keeps coming back to bite her way harder than anyone else, because she gets caught up in her ideas of how to expand and do better and bigger really fast. funny enough both lip's "well it has to be a scam and you can't ever actually get anywhere" and fiona's "i bet if i just played my cards right i could make a million bucks rn" philosophies are frank traits.

BUT ANYWAY i also really like how mickey's pragmatism sort of lands him to being a very romantic person. because once he has reason to care more about someone else he decides to put all his eggs in that fucking basket. contrast -> ian is A Romantic. he wants to believe in like a soulmate and he pretty obsessively pursues validation through means of romance. m/while mickey never plans to be in a relationship and commits really hard when he decides that that's where he's going.

which comes to mickey's impressive skills at reading people. when he's not just completely disinterested, he can predict people really well. which is obviously like a survival technique but is also the only explanation of why he'd come back twice after getting written out. maybe it wasn't supposed to be the way his character played out but it can be traced back to s1 with the information we have and is the only way that his actions make sense.

& in like. the completely fucking insane way that mickey is as gentle as he is. you even see the intent here in his introduction. sure, he's showing up in a violent way to enact revenge. which being into prison abolition i don't necessarily agree with. but it's sweet! like, i know the revenge mob is kind of a THING but with everything that he does following it also seems very personal. so he shows up and the first thing he really wants is someone to look after. ian gallagher you may not believe you need a fucking caretaker but you literally snatched up the single person most desperate for someone to take care of

-> wrt gentleness also: i cant get over how fucking bonkers it is to be a violent teenager having a Massive mental breakdown and that mickey refuses to start the physical side of the "you love me and you're gay" confrontation. not a hand until ian shoves him multiple times. even though ian showed up explicitly as an attempt at using mickey to punish himself for something he really thought was his fault! what the fuck!!

um but anyway with mickey's fucking anger going on also i was personally very touched by him as a fantastic way to represent irritability and anger as an anxiety response. because anger is really fucking like that. again, visible from his intro to the end. ya habibi...

[inlovewithregencyera]

Elmsworth House, July 4th, 1818

John: And that damn scandalous politician, Theophile Baxter! I will not be voting for that bloody liberal!

Elizabeth: Please dear, reduce your swearing.

Peregrine: I wouldn't say Baxter is completely liberal, John. Some of his policies are more conservative than liberal. I don't like him much either though so he doesn't have my vote!

Helena: *sighing* Must you always bring up politics during dinner, Perry?

Peregrine: No dear but-

Helena: I dare say, may we change the topic?

Ashley: I think Miles Bragg is a very good polit-

Helena and Peregrine: Oh shut it, Ashley!

Emma: What do you think of this muslin, Laurence? Does it make me look like a proper young lady?

Laurence: If you ask me about another damn "mouslin" or whatever the devil it's called I believe I'll go mad!

Emma: It's called muslin!

*Laurence sighs*

William: Mar-Dear Ms. Ramsbury. Are you enjoying your dinner?

Martha: Yes-yes. Quite well.

William: Capital!

Aurelia: I think your muslin is lovely Ms. Carew. Please disregard your dear brother.

Emma: Oh thank you, Lady Aurelia!

Patience: Oh yes, it's very lovely. I'm not sure why Mr. Carew hates muslin so!

Laurence: My apologies my dearest Lady...oh and Mrs. Ramsbury.

Aurelia: *whispering* Why are you looking at me like that? Are you cross?

Frederick: *whispering* Am I cross, "My dearest Lady.."? Perhaps I "je n'aurais pas à résister à l'envie d'embrasser tes lèvres pulpeuses et d'embrasser ta silhouette parfaite..." or whatever the hell he said.

Aurelia: Oh heavens, it worked.

Frederick: Whatever do you mean it worked?!

Aurelia: You paid no compliments to my hair. I thought you didn't notice it. I did it this way for you and you paid me no compliments!

Frederick: I noticed you and your pretty blue silks the moment you stepped into the drawing room. Had I not been engaged in conversation with your uncle, I would've gone and talked to you.

Aurelia: I'm sure of it. I still haven't received a compliment on my hair from you, perhaps I shall invite Mr. Carew to my birthday in four da-

Frederick: Dearest, sweetest, loveliest Lily. I love your gorgeous hair and how those little ringlets adorn your beautiful face. I love that style and if it makes you happy, I would wish you wear it more often. Not saying I don't like any other style you wear, but that one is my favorite so far. Is this good enough for you? Please know that I sincerely mean it.

Aurelia: *blushing* More than good enough.

Frederick: Now will you stop giving that scoundrel any ounces of your attention and affection?

Aurelia: I shall try.

Aurelia: *giggling* I shall be cordial with him. It is the polite thing to do. You're also a fool if you ever think Cornelius Grey would allow one of his daughters to marry a second son! Let alone an atheist. I'm sure he will invite you to stay with us in Brindleton at Paelford.

Frederick: *laughing* I hope he does. But you tease me too much. You enjoy vexing me.

Aurelia: Admit that you like it when I vex you.

Frederick: I only like it when I do not have the urge to rip someone's tongue from their throat.

Aurelia: Frederick Worthington!

This grandiose dinner continued for the next hour until everyone was stuffed. Aurelia found herself mainly conversing with Frederick throughout this dinner, and no one paid them any mind. It was quite obvious to everyone in the room, including Laurence of the affection they shared, even if it was in modesty due to them being surrounded by others. Peregrine, knowing the coming events decided that the gentlemen would not smoke directly after dinner. Once the table was cleared of dinner and dessert plates, William Carew mustered the courage to arise to make a speech, with his wine glass in his hand.

William: Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed family and friends, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude. The warmth in my heart exceeds the glow of any candle that graces this room. Before we head to the drawing room, I must share with you a moment that has forever altered the course of my life. A fortnight ago, at the ball held by Viscount Markham, I dared to utter words that have forever changed the trajectory of my and Ms. Ramsbury's future. I asked a question that resides in the chambers of every romantic heart. A question that binds souls and weaves fabrics of destiny.

William: I inquired if she would be my forever partner in this so-called journey called life. I asked Miss Martha Ramsbury if she would be my loving, and faithful wife. I am pleased to tell you she has happily accepted!

Helena: Oh my goodness! My dear girl is to be wed, how wonderful! I shall have to ask my dear brother if you two may tie the nuptials at Auglire! Oh Peregrine, how blessed are we!

Peregrine: *in between tears* Yes, quite blessed my dear!

William: To love, to friendship, and to the uncharted seas of me and my dear bride's shared future-cheers!

Everyone in the room stood, and the room was filled with the clinking of crystal, followed by a chorus of heartfelt congratulations and well-wishes. The only one who didn't seem to wish the couple good wishes was Patience Ramsbury, who Aurelia couldn't help but notice her fake smile and discomfort.

Laurence Carew ordered nearby footmen to bring him a bottle of brandy.

Laurence: TO MY FUCKING BLOODY BASTARD OF A BROTHER!

Laurence: HAVE SOME MERRIMENT ON THIS JOYFUL EVE YOU LOT!

John and Elizabeth Carew let out a long sigh at how embarrassed they were by this son of theirs. But their annoyance didn't last long, for their firstborn and heir to their estate was to marry Miss Martha Ramsbury! At this moment, Aurelia realized who Laurence reminded her of. No other than that of Thaddeus Skeffington, a man whom she had a lot of disdain for. Despite her teasing Frederick to get him jealous, she knew she could never marry someone like Laurence. Laurence was more up to speed with her friend Villoria. Frederick was the only man she could ever see herself marrying.

Although she was happy for Martha, she couldn't help but wish she had a ring on her finger and a lace bonnet on her head to share Martha's bliss. How she wished she was Lady Worthington, Countess of Henford. Oh, how she regretted rejecting Frederick's proposal. Perhaps they even would have had babies by now had she accepted.

[aquadestinyswriting]

Ayyyy, Aqua! :D Happy STS! So I'm making my way through Titan Modern AU, and . . . actually, take two questions on it. 8)

I have legitimately looked everywhere, and I am severely curious. :') Have you thought of a title for this one, or is its title literally just Titan Modern AU?

More importantly, tho, how much did you have to change to make the world of Fangthane's Folly fit the modern day? (And what did you end up keeping? I notice there's magic and dwarves, but how different are these bits compared to their DnD roots?)

Hope this ask finds you well! :D o/

Hi Jax, this is technically a day late, but not really because time zones are a thing :P. I am very well, thank you. I am enjoying the fact that the words seem to be flowing quite easily for the time being and taking advantage of that to write a lot for all my ongoing series and creating new ones. Thanks very much for the questions, I have a lot to talk about with this AU :D. Answers are under a cut because the second one is going to get quite long.

Question 1

I don't currently have an actual title for this one yet. I have a tendency to title WIPs towards the end of writing them and this one is no exception. I have some vague ideas, but I'm not too concerned about it just yet. Especially since there's a high possibility that this one is going to throw some major curveballs my way once I get into the thick of the plot that might well change the kind of title I want to give it.

Question 2

Ah, the dwarves are technically not a thing for this one. Everyone is more or less human, unless it's directly stated otherwise. The reason Fangthanian women can have beards at all is down to a slight genetic quirk which means they are pre-disposed to much higher testosterone levels than average. The Throffite community, in particular, is very insular and tend to inter-marry within themselves due to a history of discrimination against them.

As to how I changed the setting to fit with the modern aesthetic:

I've modelled Fangthane city a little bit after towns like Fort William, since the location of Fangthane in Allansia has a relatively similar geography to that of the Scottish Highlands. So Fangthane city is no longer built into the mountain, but is a city that was built very close to the mountain (which is now called Ben Oir). Extrapolating from there, and taking into account the maps that exist of Allansia, it was a a matter of figuring out how and why there would be outposts for the kingdom that are so far away from the capital. In that case, an old empire made a lot of sense, and taking into account the relative time period this AU is set in (roughly the 90s to early 2000s), it also made sense that said empire had been disbanded, but that communities deriving from it still exist (hence why Stonebridge and Firetop are still mainly natively Fangthanian). So, yeah, culturally speaking Fangthane is basically the UK transplanted into Allansia at this point.

I wanted some of the history of Toreguarde to remain intact because there are plot things related to that that will pop up later in the story. The city was almost destroyed, officially, by what is considered to have been a terrorist organisation that was working on behalf of another state and/or one of the ruling council of Toreguarde of the time who went just teeny bit mad with power (Greydown was an absolute ass in canon, and is in this AU too).

As the setting, rather purposefully, appears to be lacking in magic, no mentions are made of demons, portals or the breaking of reality, even by those who were present at the time. The remaining Heroes still exist, but I'm working out what their exact roles in all that were. Egrim is still a priest, so that's him covered. Alexis, upon talking to Dru about it, was probably a sniper that was a part of the military forces of Toreguarde at the time, while Selene was probably some sort of science-y nerd person brought in to help explain some of the weirder stuff that went on that was kind of acknowledged and then later given plausible and sensible scientific explanations. She just happened to be somewhat decent at this diplomacy lark when communication with the reinforcements from Fangthane started going south, hence her current role in the story. She probably worked quite closely with Ivan, who I have yet to figure out the details of, with regards to that. I also need to figure out what Fai did and what happened to him...

I am doing a lot of this worldbuilding and adjusting Fantasy canon on the fly, to be quite honest, so not a lot of it is set in stone just yet. However, I have given some thought to the Throffite community both in Fangthane and in Toreguarde and some of their history and culture, drawing a lot on what I established about Throffism in the fantasy canon and doing some major research into the irl history of such things to make sure that anything I write about it is handled as sensitively as possible. I have also written copious notes on the hows and whys of the fractious relationship between Fangthane and Toreguarde that would fit in with more modern (Western, as that is what I'm familiar with) political norms.

[tobiasdrake]

I know what it looks like but it's not what you think. I'm just trying to harass your top scientist into revealing company secrets. It's cool.

This would be the funniest possible time for Huesca to die. We've done Locked Room Quartet. We've done Open Air Locked Room. Are you ready for the Most Locked-est Room Ever Locked!?

The same underlings who tried to solve the last four murders? Sure, those guys are credible.

What is Yomi implying here? That Makoto came down here and knocked out two guards, then left in a car to go pick me up, and then came back down to capitalize on the chaos created by a fake letter he'd sent to Yomi earlier?

Because that... is alarmingly plausible and answers my question as to why that letter would even exist.

Looks like we pushed too hard. Makoto's being placed under arrest.

...so. Like. Am I cool to hang out, Yomi? You're just taking him, right? It's fine for me to still be here?

YUMA NO

YOU FOOL

We almost got away with it. Yomi was so laser-focused that he was legit going to take Makoto and leave us here. Your masterful disguise of freezing up and being so useless that you become mistakable for a floor lamp was working until you spoke up!

Floor lamp. Like I said. Pay us no mind and have a wonderful day. Oh, what is that noise in the distance? Is that the sound of some malcontents? Someone must go step on their necks, and that someone is you, Yomi. You got this, man. I believe in you.

Aww, that hurts my feelings. You were ready to get Halara'd trying to kill us all over me, like, yesterday. :( Am I really that forgettable?

I hope so too. It'd take out this entire building. We've got Yomi and Makoto here at the same time, plus Huesca. That'd solve a lot of problems for Kanai Ward right there.

Alright, we've time-skipped. Now someone is surely dead.

Aren't you a little short for a Stormtroo--Desuhiko. Halara must have delivered my IOU message.

To be fair, I'd be doing shit like this to him if he was the one over a barrel like this. Though I'd be going for more goofy prankster shit. Desuhiko is weirdly obsessed with shilling the Yuma/Kurumi ship at every possible opportunity.

HOLY SHIT, IS THAT YOU, YAKOU!?

Fuck, I thought it'd be Fubuki or Halara. Someone useful. Instead, we get these two clowns. But I suppose it will have to do. Thanks for rescuing me, try not to die on the way out.

DON'T UN-DISGUISE. Y'all have helmets. Just take those off. You don't need to strip down and make yourselves fully vulnerable to being caught, you fucking morons!

He didn't, actually. If he used DIsguise, he would have taken on an appropriate height for a Peacekeeper grunt. This was a disguise, but it wasn't Disguise. Which was honestly for the best.

Given how much Disguise takes out of Desuhiko, a non-Disguise disguise was the right call. With face and body fully covered, there was no need to burn energy on the full shapeshifting shenanigans route.

While true, your behavior in the past has done little to establish a relationship of trust and open communication.

It's like parenting. When you constantly tell Yuma, "DO NOT go snoop around, DO NOT get in trouble with the Peacekeepers, AVOID solving mysteries or doing anything meaningful," and then get mad at him every time he does those things? It's not going to discourage him from doing them. It's going to discourage him from telling you that he's doing them.

If you convey to your child/apprentice that they cannot confide in you about the things they are doing, then they will continue to do those things but they will not confide in you about them. Yuma went behind your back because everything you've said to him up to this point has convinced him that you must be lied to.

My IOU letter!

No, for real, what is that actually? Did Fink the Slaughter Artist tell them I was here?

...that's not a yes.

But it's also not a no. This sent a chill down my spine.

Nuh nuh nuh go back. Don't just yadda-yadda over your arrival here. You have to pass through a biometric scanner to enter the premises. How did you pass through the biometric scanner?

I guess Desuhiko could have Disguised a member of Amaterasu staff to get them through. That shit is practically shapeshifting so it might alter his biometrics. That or they smuggled their way in on, like, a troop transport? Maybe?

That is a fair assessment of what happened, yes. Yuma's floor lamp impersonation needs work.

Yomi had a plausible explanation for that, but obviously Makoto himself couldn't have dropped the letter at the sub. The timing of which still makes me think he did it specifically to get them to come fetch Yuma.

Makoto and Fink aren't proven to be in cahoots but they're likely to be in cahoots. Cahoots are more plausible than not at this point in time.

Hold up, your plan is to kidnap Amaterasu's most highly-protect employee from the middle of their HQ and then walk out?

Yakou, 95% of the time I want you to grow a spine. Then, in the other 5%, you are the boldest motherfucker I've ever met. I love it. I'm here for it. It's too bad Huesca's most certainly dead by now.

HOORAH! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

Into the poison gas chamber and DIIIIIIIIE!

...plan needs work, but we can workshop it. Gonna stay positive!

The hell is that supposed to mean, Desuhiko? I'll have you know that I have only Disguised as a woman one....

...four....

...five times. Out of five.

Okay, yeah. That's fair. Gimme the female suit and the polyurethane molded breast forms you set aside as mine.

You heard it here, folks. Yuma doesn't have a preference between male or female. Canon he/they.

Purple question-mark hair and pronouns.

You don't need your bag. These were disguises instead of Disguise. You should still have two of the disguises on you, Desuhiko. Would it be that hard to locate a third?

...we're going on this detour so you can make Yuma a female Peacekeeper, aren't we?

[nav-iiee]

BIGBOYS (working title)

Hello everyone! Naviiee here. I think its high time to bring back this account for blogs and updates regarding this original write-up called "BigBoys (working title)"! I'm currently working on this on my free time and the draft you're about to see is in script form so I hope you enjoy!

gatack gif as he and the other kabuto riders serve as an inspiration for the design of one of the characters

BigBoys: Song #1 “It’s all that I wanted. / Entitlement.”

IN. BEA’S APARTMENT COMPLEX - MORNING

Sun glare hits Bea Landers’ eye. She rises up from bed

BEA LANDERS: “Room 71, keys with me, socks are on, bass ready, it’s time to go now I think.”

NARRATOR: “This is Miss Bea Landers, a recently graduated college student fresh off the hooks and found a job she’s always wanted, be a band member.”

Camera pans to multiple angles of her crossing the street with her stuff

NARRATOR: “She’s always lived life by herself, she’s so calm and collected she’s pretty much forgotten most of her past life.”

She arrives to the studio

IN. STUDIO.

Band is setting up their instruments. Bea Landers is setting up her bass, Gale Blanco is setting up his guitar, Remy Williams is setting up the drums, and Eri Takeshi is setting up her keyboard.  

ERI: “So so happy to finally have you here Bea!”

Applause from the band

BEA: “Thank you everyone, I’m happy to have you guys accept me as your bassist!”

Bea bows down in an act of respect

REMY: “Dude what are you? Japanese?”

Room bursts with laughter

BEA: “Ah! Kinda…”

NARRATOR: “She isn’t actually Japanese, nor is her family.”

GALE: “Alright, since we’ve finally found the bassist we’ve been looking for, how about we introduce ourselves?”

Band agrees, Bea just looks at the three of them with a gleaming look on her face

ERI: “Hello Bea! My name is Eri Takeshi! I’m this band’s keyboardist! You can talk to me about whatever’s happening in your life!”

REMY: “I’m Remy Williams, I’m this band’s drummer, and I like video games and movies, my favorite is probably the first Alien movie. I play a bit of Pokémon too.”

Bea then glances at Gale with a smile

GALE: “Hi there, I’m Gale, I’m this band’s guitarist.”

BEA (VO): “Wow… He’s pretty cool, his smooth hair, the calm clothes he’s wearing, he’s totally my type!”

BEA: “Hello everyone! Um… I’m Bea Landers, I am your bassist!”

REMY: “Dude you’ve already told us your name…”

BEA: “But I don't want to ruin the flow!”

ERI: “You’re pretty funny Bea, you should replace the role of the band clown since Remy sucks at doing that job.”

REMY: “When was I the band clown?”

GALE: “Guys, guys. Calm down for a bit. Let’s give a decent environment for our little Bea here.”

Banter then subsides.

Much later on we then move to a discussion that they have together as a band, with Bea in the discussion.

GALE: “Y’know this band name discussion is really getting to my head.”

REMY: “I told you we should’ve gone for Good Morning, Sleeping Lions!”

ERI: “That’s too long, idiot!”

GALE: “Eri’s right, it seems far too long for people to remember. How about you Bea? Any suggestions?”

BEA: “I do have one, It’s -”

IN. BACKSTAGE

Rapid cut to a discussion with the stage producers.

GALE: “BigBoys. B-I-G-B-O-Y-S. No spaces, the B’s are capitalized.”

REMY: “I still think we should have done Good Morning, Sleeping Lions…”

ERI: “Start your own band then…”

BEA: “Now’s not the right time for fighting, we’ve got a performance to do…”

REMY: “Never knew you had that in you too Bea! Also, I’m mad impressed! You were in this band 2 months ago and now you’re performance ready!”

GALE: “I knew she was performance ready when I talked to her”

BEA (VO): Looks back “GOD HE'S SO COOL”

BEA: “Thanks Gale…”

STAGE ANNOUNCER: “And now I welcome to the stage, BigBoys! Spelled with no spaces and capitalized B’s”

GALE: “That’s our cue! Go!”

IN. STAGE

GALE: “Hello everyone! We are BigBoys, we are here to sing a few songs for you guys and, uhh…, yeah, hit it.”

REMY: “1, 2, 3, 4!”

Entitlement starts playing. https://www.bandlab.com/post/8dcb5bc3-0362-ef11-bdfd-000d3a425266

GALE:

“I saw the reflection of my face in your eyes

I don't look fine

but you insist me with a smile”

Bea takes a few glances at Gale.

BEA (VO): “I wish he could get to see my face with a smile”

Song finishes with a lick coming from Bea, crowd applauses.

UNKNOWN VOICE: “You won’t be able to do that, Bea.”

BEA: “Huh?”

An ominous female figure walks out of the shadows

UNKNOWN WOMAN: “I will make you realize what you’re doing is absolutely wrong!”

The unknown woman snaps back at Bea with long purple whips that resemble rope, they’re coming straight out of her dress

PURPLE ROPE LADY: “Your feelings will always be wrong, because he isn’t for you!”

BEA: “Wha-? You know?”

Bea dodges an attack but still gets blown away by the explosion coming from her whip

As the crowd escapes Gale hides in the crowd and pulls out a strange object in his pocket

GALE: “This can’t be helped then…”

The strange object grows bigger and wraps around his waist

THE STRANGE BELT THING: “TELLER MACHINE!!!”

GALE: “GOD WHEN WILL YOU BE QUIET?!?!”

The crowd stops and steps away to reveal Gale with the strange device wrapped around his waist

GALE: “Uhh… Hi Bea! Hi Natalie…”

The crowd shifts their focus onto both Bea and Natalie who are now on the stage fighting, Natalie has Bea wrapped around with her purple ropes

NATALIE: “Oh!… Gale… Great seeing you here… hehe”

BEA: “Uhh I don’t want to interrupt the reunion but can you please let me go?”

NATALIE: “NO! I want you to see your very own mistakes! I want you to stay away from that man you’re thinking about!”

BEA: “How do you know who I’m thinking about?”

NATALIE: “Our group, the 5 OF HEARTS, know every single move you make, even the ones you don’t take…”

BEA: “Are you guys that obsessed with me?”

Natalie throws Bea away, and then approaches her

NATALIE: “You’ll know why we’re doing this, you’ll even become one of us!”

GALE: “Natalie, stop! If this is about our recent break up then I should be the one you have your sights on, leave Bea out of this.”

BEA (VO): “God he’s so cool!”

NATALIE: “Hmm… Fine then. I also have some unfinished business with you.”

Natalie sets her sights on Gale, with a sinister look on her face

NATALIE: “YOU WILL DIE WITH YOUR HEAVY SINS STRAPPED TO YOUR BACK.”

GALE: “Ehh??? Can I at least count them up first?”

NATALIE: "YOU WILL COUNT THEM UP IN HELL YOU SCUMBAG!!!"

Gale pulls out a weird credit card straight out of his pocket

GALE: “Ryoukin Henge!”

Gale slides the weird credit card into the Teller Machine Driver

TELLER MACHINE: “Transaction Complete.”

A bright light shines from the belt, revealing Gale in light green and yellow armor.

GALE: “Golden Fighter, Gale!”

NATALIE: “I know this trick of yours already!!!”

Natalie rushes towards Gale with extreme speed. They both exchange blows.

NATALIE: “You persistent @*#&%!!!”

Natalie continues to pressure Gale with her whips, Gale guards himself and pushes himself into a corner, He rolls away

GALE: “You leave me no choice Natalie”

Gale pulls out the weird credit card and slides it into the Teller Machine twice

TELLER MACHINE: “Punch, Transaction Complete.”

Gale punches Natalie, knocking her out in front of Bea

NATALIE: “You should… run away… too…”

Natalie suddenly disappears and coins fall out of the sky, Gale detransforms and runs towards Bea

GALE: “Only 12 bucks? Dang... anyways, are you alright Bea?”

BEA: “What the hell was that?”

ERI: “Comes out of hiding together with Remy, We got some explaining to do…”  

In. ERI’S HOUSE.

ERI: “That was Gale’s specially made Golden Armor, he has to pay a fortune every time he uses it.”

GALE: “Fortunately, my dad aided in its creation, he’s basically helped me pay every fight I use it with. But, I also have to pay for it some way, so, here’s the band”

BEA: “Do all of you know about this?”

GALE: “Yes, Remy knew much later though.”

BEA: “Those 5 OF HEARTS, they seem to know my every move…”

GALE: “I’ve never heard of this group, all I’ve been doing with the Golden Armor was to aid the police in shootouts and other stuff.”

BEA: “They seem to have a connection to you too.”

GALE: “Yea, Natalie, she was my ex. She left on her own around like, 6 months ago.”

REMY: “How many exes have you had?”

GALE: “Around five?”

REMY: “No way, this is exactly like Scott Pilgrim!”

ERI: “Remy this is not the time to make obscure movie references!”

REMY: “Guys, hear me out first, okay?”

The band moves in a bit closer to listen to Remy

REMY: “In Scott Pilgrim, Scott was dating this girl named Ramona, but in order to date her peacefully, Scott had to defeat her seven evil exes… Maybe what we are facing now is a Scott Pilgrim situation!”

ERI: “That’s a fictional story! No way that’s real”

BEA: “No, it is real. Scott Pilgrim is a real dude, look him up.”

Eri hastily searches on her computer to find any related stories of Scott

ERI: “No way… The movie is based on a true story?”

REMY: “Yup, but the seven evil exes thing was more or less an exaggeration, yes there were powers but they seldom fought… except for Gideon, they fought with Gideon”

BEA: “So if they know about my thoughts and moves, then they know about my crush with Gale?”

EMI AND REMY (TOGETHER): “YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON GALE?!?!”

BEA: “Was I thinking too loud? I was thinking too loud…”

GALE: “I don’t mind, Bea. In fact, I also kind of like you.”

NARRATOR: “As our beloved Bea turns as red as a strawberry, will we see a love that blooms like a flower? Or end up in a horrible disaster? Tune in next week for Song #2 entitled “Is it too late for love? / Movement”! Has she finally turned into a big boy?”  

SONG #1 END

WRITER NOTES

I still don't have designs for the said characters but I do plan on working with other artists to make them visually represented right. Also, there will probably be songs per Song/Chapter, at most two, at least none but I will make sure that there will be one per chapter. There will probably be about 7 chapters, each with a villain and or theme. I would love to treat this like your regular tokusatsu show even though I never planned it to be like that when I planned this out a year ago. Yes, this story a fan made Scott Pilgrim spinoff, but this story will be far separated from the original, this is not a fan made sequel. Think of it like Donbrothers with Zenkaiger...

That's all I wrote! Thank you guys so so much for reading the entirety of BigBoys (working title)

also the monsters are not actually monsters, they're humans with powers

[timomoe]

estonia for the bingo thing

Oh god, anon, you really opened the flood gates with this one. This is gonna be a massive post, and I'm so sorry to everyone in advance.

Note: these are all things that bother me personally. I am not attempting to make anyone feel like they should also feel mad about these things. I am not out to shame anyone who has hcs that are different than my own. I'm just breaking my thoughts down. Idc how anyone characterizes Estonia.

1. I Dont Trust The Fandom With Estonia, Ever

Estonia's fandom depictions range from elegant, eloquent, intelligent, calm, and collected to creepy basement dwelling discord mod neck beard with no friends and no personality. The latter characterization is - you guessed it - a leftover from Old Fandom and is slowly dying off. It doesn't stop people from continuing to make him into an internet-y, awkward loser, though, and that's really sad to me, ngl. A lot of people see him as a weak, lonely loser, when this is actually extremely removed from canon. Ofc, headcanons are fine, but I see a surprising amount of people who think this characterization is canon, when in reality, it's just fanon. Canonically speaking, Estonia is very good at making friends and is easily able to maintain good relations with most of the nations. He's perceptive and able to read the feelings of people around him. He has lots of hobbies that he's really good at, too. He's smart and good with money and business. According to Himaruya, he SMELLS LIKE MONEY (which I just think is funny).

Nowadays, the fandom is usually nice to him, but unfortunately I do still see ppl completely mischarachterizing him and his relationships, especially when it comes to the Nordics. I think people tend to forget that Estonia is on good terms with every Nordic except for Iceland, and it isn't for no reason. Estonia shares very strong history with Denmark, Sweden, and Finland - a majority of the Nordics - and Norway seems to like him - or at least tolerate him - too. In the series, Estonia sees Sweden as a mentor figure, and he deeply respects him and his opinions. Finland is Estonia's best friend. Denmark and Estonia are on good terms. Their relationship isn't expanded on much, but Denmark never so much as implies that he thinks Estonia is annoying or a try hard. Norway, notorious teaser and pain in the ass (affectionate) also never teases or takes a jab at Estonia on screen or in the manga.

He's friends with people like America - the two work on silly little projects together just for shits and giggles. Oddly, America seems to treat Estonia quite well; from the little we've seen of their friendship, it seems like the two have been friends for a while, at least since 2007, as "The Gentle Fight Between Russia and I" is based off the 2007 Russian cyber attacks on Estonia. That's around 16 years ago, now.

As mentioned previously, Estonia is also frequently viewed as being wimpy and weak, when this is not the case. People usually tend to point to Estonia's time in the Soviet Union or the first time that Sweden and Estonia meet to back that up, but I counter with this - Estonia was actively being colonized at both of those time periods. The strip "The Violent Mr. Sve of Northern Europe Takes a Swing," is set at the beginning of the Swedish Era in Estonia. It details just how Sweden got ahold of Estonia to begin with - by being generally terrifying on accident. Prior to this point in time, though, Estonia was being treated badly by literally everyone around him (Teutonic Knights, Baltic Germans, etc.), so of course he would assume that this new man was here to treat him similarly (especially if you consider Estonians and Swedes had squabbled in the past over various things, and Estonia ALSO burned down Sweden's first capital.)

As far as the Soviet Era is concerned, Russia was extremely abusive to all of the Baltic States, dishing out really nasty punishments to them - going so far as to kill Latvia (albeit on accident) - when they speak out or annoy him. Of course he would be afraid of him.

Now, though? Estonia is daring and confident. He isn't afraid of Russia and routinely mouths off to him, challenges, stands up to, and outsmarts him. Even if he was afraid before, he isn't now. He has, seemingly, come back into himself. Yay character progression!!

2. I Know Him Better Than The Creator, Yaas, Queen, Give Us Nothing, & If I Could Save Him From the Narrative, I Would.

I know I just wrote 6 whole paragraphs about why I like Estonia's canon depiction, but I have to be 100% honest, I'm also not the biggest fan of Himaruya's interpretation of Estonia. There are good things about him, and I enjoy a lot of what he's put out, but at the same time there are things about him in canon that really annoy me.

For one, despite Estonians being very fond of their country, its history, culture, and language, Estonia... Isn't. At all. He is obsessed with being a Nordic, does not really treat Latvia and Lithuania well (which is strange imo, bc due to shared oppression, history, and struggle, the Baltic States are pretty tight knit.) and doesn't seem to care that it hurts them to know he would rather be a Nordic than a Baltic, and he seems to think that becoming a Nordic will solve a lot of his problems. He talks more about how cool Finnish culture is than he does his own, and that's really disappointing to me because when it comes to history, culture, and language, for Estonia there's so much to talk about.

Like let's think about the Eesti Can't Into Nordic joke that's running in the series. I'd like to remind y'all (/lh) that the Estonian government proposed the idea of Estonia being Nordic only once. One time. And the reason it failed was two-way. Not only did the Nordic nations not care, but Estonians were generally against it.

As far as I know, it's got to do with previously stated attachment to the other Baltics, and also because of their flag. For those who don't know, the Estonian flag was a banned symbol in the USSR, and anyone caught with it could face some pretty hefty punishments. The only reason we still have the original Estonian flag is bc two college dudes were like "mine vittu, venelased!" *Spits on the ground and shoves the Estonian flag behind a chimney where it will stay safe.*

Also. The joke about Estonia wanting to join the Nordics seems silly, as there's been this neat little thing called the Nordic Baltic 8 that's been around since the 90s. There's already an entire organization made up of all the Nordics and Baltics with the point of it being mutual aid and cooperation. Meaning all of the things Estonia thought he'd get by becoming a Nordic have already come to fruition.

On top of that, it had been a symbol of Estonian endurance, freedom, and perseverance for decades by that point. People were so attached to it and adverse to making the tricolor into a Nordic cross, so the idea died.

Edit: was also reminded by an Estonian friend that some of the suggested designs for the first Estonian flag were in fact in a Nordic Cross pattern, but they all lost out to the tricolor, meaning that whole idea wasn't just rejected once, but twice.

There's also something about his name that annoys me a little. While I believe it was genuinely an accident, Eduard's name is surreal. Let me explain what I mean. Himaruya tends to legacy name his characters. England is named for king Arthur, Sweden's last name is taken from a Swedish writer, Finland is named after Väinämöinen, Latvia is named after a Latvian singer.

The only person in Estonian history of any note with the last name Von Bock was a Baltic German man who, among other things, hated ethnic Estonians and believed them to be subhuman. Bit of an oopsie to give him a name like that. Not even Eduard is an Estonian name, it is just the Estonianized spelling of a German name too. Eduard isn't so bad though, since it is actually a common Estonian name.

3. I Want To Protect Them, Babygirl MF, They're Like a Brother to Me, & They're So Cute When They're Bleeding.

Ok so the basics of this one are: I love Estonia, he's a weirdo, he's my favorite, I only ever want good things for him, and yet every single time I write anything involving him, it always winds up being angsty as shit and sad. I am not allowed to let this man be happy, IG.

[droughtofapathy]

"Welcome to the Theatre": Diary of a Broadway Baby

Hell's Kitchen

April 16, 2024 | Broadway | Shubert Theatre | Evening | Musical | Original | 2H 30M

Fresh off its off-Broadway run that ended January 17th of this year, Hell's Kitchen loses nothing and gains even less. The snap-of-a-finger transfer capitalized on the strong ticket sales, but doomed this musical's clunky book. This season, many a show falls victim to tight turnarounds and are not given the time they need to truly improve. While critics of the off-Broadway production agreed this was a rousing Alicia Keys tribute show with phenomenal vocals, the book failed to deliver. Underdeveloped side characters, ill-constructed book, songs that are less about the story and more about the name recognition.

Hell's Kitchen's tragedy is not in its overdone mother/daughter teen-year bickering, or absent father, but in its unfulfilled potential. Much like the scaffolding set design (perhaps too unfavorably reminiscent of last season's flop New York, New York) the bones are strong as steel, but devoid of any real meat.

As a lead, Ali is sweet and infuriating and the quintessential teenager making horrible and immature life choices and being mad at her two-job-working mother who doesn't want her seventeen-year-old daughter to get involved with a grown ass man (age unspecified). I'm too old to sit through that story, and the dialogue is truly abysmal even to those who are invested. The music, like in any jukebox, takes center stage. And while performed and choreographed well, songs are often shoehorned in and do little to serve the already-weak book. Many of the songs are over-riffed, which may be a sure-fire crowd-pleaser, but I am tired of Elphabas--oh wait, Shoshana Bean was an Elphaba. It all makes sense now... oh no...

Hell's Kitchen has small moments of relief among the noise, but the emotional payoff to nearly all of Miss Liza Jane's (gorgeously sung) numbers feels thoroughly unearned and designed to manipulate audiences into believing this show has something deeper to say. It doesn't. Subplots of police brutality and systemic racism are thrown into the pit out of nowhere but are never given the opportunity to become something fleshed-out. It's as if the book wants to check these issues off the list with rousing, heartbreaking songs that are jarringly inserted into the narrative. Ultimately, the joy of seeing such a diverse cast on stage, performing so well, was eclipsed by the actual story.

Still, this is a show with undeniable commercial appeal. Everyone and their mother can sing along (loudly, off-key) to the two Alicia Keys songs they all know and hear blasting out of pedicabs all over Times Square. The tourists will flock to it, not for artistry, but for name recognition. And if this is how young people come to Broadway, that's great. I'll just be the bitter old codger shaking my fist at the youth's lack of taste.

Verdict: A Long Slog to Curtains

A Note on Ratings

[music-my-beloved]

A Hard Day's Night: A 16yo's (horrible) album review pt.3

A Hard Day's Night: Catchy, she's so nice! She's like, a classic. Wasn't there that movie made with this same name or am I tripping? Dude making these reviews is like, giving me carpal tunnel I've never typed this much b4 !! Erm,,, but yea :/ this song is just a classic that's all I gotta say !!!

I Should Have Known Better: Harmonica goes insane honestly. Uh this song confused me 😭 like. i'm stupid??? I don't know girls this one through me for a loop. At first I was like, "Dang this girl's a runner she's out with other guys '-'" and then for a brief moment I was like no, "Okay maybe she's loyal she's just stupid and doesn't know what to say when the guy compliments her or something" I'm leaning towards the second option but the title still trips me up like, I should have known better what is that supposed to mean 😭😭??? Likeee,, "I should have known better that a girl like you would run off with different men" or "I should have known better that a ditzy girl like you wouldn't know what to say when I told you I love you" ?? I'm confuseddddd. Maybe I'm stupid. Help me 😭😭!!

If I Fell: THE DRUMS!?? Hellooo?? They're so cute !!!! They're so faint yet full it's so.. uh girl idk they're striking a chord with me. Was there a looping machine ??? Was that a thing in the 60s ?? If not that steady hand work was AMAZING. Good Job Ringo! 👍 Anyway yeah I'm familiar with this song already, she's another sister to me I love her!

I'm Happy Just To Dance With You: This song has like, melancholic undertones 😭 it makes me depressed. Not like, super sad but it's like, "Once this dance is over, I'll still love you" or something like that. Idk she's just so sad :(((( but I actually really like this track ! She's so sad I love it!!!

And I Love Her: erm, she's a bit too slow and sweet for me! I can imagine that under the right circumstances this song would be an absolute banger and just get me in my feels but right now a loud english class probs isn't the environment for this music idk.. but uhhhhh yeah. I WASN'T bored per se just mildly amused by her.

Tell Me Why: Girlllll we're getting drama???? Why this girl crying 😭 and lying ?! 😭😭 I'll tell you what these girls are! toxiccccc !!! Is it the same girl or multiple?? Because omg it's actually insane these girls are crazy or this one particular girl is just an absolute mad woman I can't tell 😭😭 uh but overall it's a pretty energetic song it's pretty good 👍

Can't Buy Me Love: Okay I heard the first line or whatever and I was like, "sugar daddy :3" what. girl nevermind. He wants a girl who doesn't want material things from him that's so sweet!! Apparently Paul and John turned their backs on Money from their previous album but whatevs I get it. Sometimes people are in a mood 👀. Uh I liked the song but the girl could bark she was a little loud for me idk 😭

Any Time At All: This song sounds a bit more modern idk but oh em gee he's gonna be there for you! Not in like a romantic way (but it could totally be seen as such) but in like a friendly sweet way !! Super cute idea for a song. Unfortunately Bruno Mars has already capitalized on such an idea with that one song that I cannot remember for the life of me rn idk

I'll Cry Instead: Teehee this song is evil >:3 !!! Revenge is real and this girl is gonna be a victim!!! I love itttt it's so catchy and just makes you wanna bop your head along with it. 10/10 for her, she was exquisite.

Things We Said Today: A parting song 🤨 hmm interestinggggg. Girl they had A LOT to say in this apparently 'cause looking at the lyrics, it reads like a short story. I mean, I know that is technically what a song is but most of the time the songs read like poems this one goes crazy (and yes I know, some parts are repeated) but OMG she was a lot !!! Charming track but I didn't really groove with this one!!!

When I Get Home: okay when I read the title I thought this song was a threat I'm not gonna lie to you 😭😭.. it still seems like a threat to me. ALSO these songs need some gut to them !! These tracks have the potential to sound more angry but they won't do it and I'm trying to understand why. The Beatles have made some angry sounding songs before (but that's for a later albums) and they've all sounded fantastic. I get that the songs at the time (60s) were all lovey dovey and cute and not so aggressive but RAAHHHHH it's so frustrating to hear the same thing over and over again. But anyway yeah I feel like this song was just too repetitive for me :/ EDIT: okay listened to this song multiple times I completely misunderstood it but the rant is STAYING !!!!!

You Can't Do That: uh this girl's a runner !!! Quick someone get her, someone watch her 😭😭😭 this song is a pretty tame response to the knowledge that your girl is talking to other people. Also this dude is oddly obsessed with his reputation like, boy, reputation don't mean nothing if your girl doesn't even respect you that much ?? I don't know i've been mean with these reviews don't mind me I'm just crazyyyy this album review has been a mess 😭

I'll Be Back: this relationship is not healthy wut. He left her just to see if she would chase after him. You know what good on you girl 'cause that was a crazy thing to do on his part. Uhm overall (despite the weirdness in the relationship dynamic) I think it was the perfect track to close out an album with. It's not using all the tricks in the playbook but it's also not completely lacking either !! It's was also a very chillaxed song and not too overbearing. I liked it!! Probs won't listen again but idk I could totally be lying don't listen to me!

More Reviews on the way, next up: Beatles for Sale...

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Dear Academia, I guess you can die mad about the curtains, if it bothers you that much...?

Wow, I just watched... Wow.

(I didn't really just watch it. I saved this and sat on it to see if I cooled off and decided I was being too mean. Since then, I've tripped over another essay where someone ripped into a work because they didn't understand it well enough to see the curtains at all, and I didn't like that either. I've decided to post this, so later I can post my reaction to the other one like a matching bookend!)

I made you a graphic about it!

So, I just watched my High School AP English teacher transcend time and space, possess the body of an a YouTuber, and try to drag me for quitting my English major due to being sick of dissecting the work of other writers until it dies.

Also, they put text up on the screen that I was supposed to read, over a decorative text background, and if I could pull money out of their Patreon, much like Mark Twain with the collection plate, I would've taken a nickel. For spite.

So, I guess I'm gonna talk about the blue curtains?

First of all, don't go looking for the video to drag this person. At worst, they are a little self-important and over-emotional. At best, their brain got shredded by the same process mine rejected and they are recovering. Be kind. I don't wanna hurt them, I'm trying to fire over their head. And take this with a grain of silly.

This is the meme. I couldn't find the original, uncensored version, and I don't care all that much, so here ya go.

One of YTer's friends referenced this meme, and it offended their intelligence and ability to critique art. Instead of having a more typical reaction, like thinking, "Ah, yes, you are only expressing your frustration with the school system's unreasonable expectations. As a fellow sufferer, I shall express my solidarity, and henceforth we shall share a sensible chuckle," and then chuckling sensibly, they telegraphed their offence to a slur on Art itself and wrote an essay. Of course, it is Capitalism's fault.

Now, Capitalism is most definitely tearing up the school system and inflicting lasting trauma on everyone involved and hurting Art. There is a lot of meat to be had on this bone. I would've left money in the collection plate for an engaging essay on that!

What I got was: "Art exists for you to tear it to pieces and squeeze every last instance of poetic meaning out of it, like you're hucking an orange into a juicer, and if you don't do that, you're dumb. Capitalism has made you dumb, because your dumbness is more profitable. I, on the other hand, huck Art into the juicer that is my brain, as one should, because I'm smart. The curtains are never blue. Fight the Power."

And right away, I thought: Oh, Mrs. Hillburn, I know this is how you enjoy Art. I know you really love it. You full-body crashed into a filing cabinet while explaining the Canterbury Tales to us, so I know you really do love "close reading" and want to share your joy. You're allowed to do that! God love you! But sometimes the curtains are blue.

And that wouldn't be a problem - except your job is to judge everyone on their ability, not only to interpret the curtains as something other than blue, but also to cough up a "valid" interpretation. And your judgment will affect whether they can get a job that pays them enough money to live. Now, you are free to do that. When I write things, I give them to the world! But, I'm not doing that to help you sort the children into an appropriate pay grade by demanding that they enjoy my work in the same way you do. Why would I do that? That makes no fucking sense.

I am saying this as someone writing a long-ass story that has a lot to do with objects being a certain colour and numbers adding up to a certain sum. That's there for you if you want it! Pink things are safe, orange things are hazardous, yellow means despair, and green-and-orange together is something unpleasant, because Erik doesn't like carrots and the whole world revolves around him. (Don't tell him, he'll be very upset. The world is terrible.) Do I need you to get that in order to understand my work and be "smart"? Fuck no. It's an Easter Egg. Also, it amuses me. Sometimes you need to know the number or the colour for your immersion, so I generate one in a way that has meaning for me.

There is shit in that story that I know you'll never get, because I based it off shit I wrote as a teenager that you'll never read. (It was terrible. I fixed it. I think.) This is my own personal "Glass Onion" (the song, not so much the movie). I am not obliged to imbue everything with a meaning for you to find. I'm not secretly trying to tell you Paul is dead! I'm just a human being with a sense of humour who gets bored - and sloppy and confused too.

So maybe the curtains are blue because I'm cribbing the setting off this motel room I stayed at one time and the curtains were blue. Maybe I'm saying "Hi" to my dog. Or the Blue's Clues dog. Maybe, god help us, there were actual blue curtains at the time and place I set my story and you'd see them if you found a photo. But I'm not gonna tell you if it doesn't matter. And it's not your job to make it matter if you don't get it. You can still pick up what I'm laying down. And, dammit, if you spend too much time wrapped up in the curtains, you might miss the rest of it.

There seems to be some idea that Art is hard and artists (at least #Real_Artists) must be something more than human to do it. Oh. My. God. Literally! You created this thing? Everything is there because you put it there? Everything that exists here is a thought-child you birthed from your brain like Athena? With intent? I enjoy it so much! It feels so real! How do you DO that? And, for fuck's sake, it's the same way you make a yummy sandwich or pick out a ripe melon or trim the cat's nails without getting a wound that needs stitches. You decide you want to, and you keep at it until you get good at it. You don't need to ask permission or pay a fee. The world is a classroom. Go learn. Keep trying until you figure out a way that works for you, or you decide you'd rather learn something else - and then go learn that instead.

The pedestal is very flattering, but nobody belongs up here. The very idea of a pedestal is preventing people from picking up a tool and making a thing. Can you, a mere mortal, really create a new reality from scratch, where everything is intentional and full of meaning? FUCK no! Nobody can do that! Sometimes I am lovingly imbuing every facet of my creation with meaning, and sometimes I go, "I need something there. Huh. That looks good." This is where platypuses come from! And I love them! If you don't love a platypus, WTF is wrong with you?

See??

Look, Creationism has no place in our schools. Natural selection is a thing. If I'm drawing on a real experience that involved blue or blue curtains, you may get some blue curtains. That is a real thing that happens all the time. It's not fair to torpedo someone's earning potential because, wherever you're coming from, blue makes you feel sad. You shouldn't be in a position to do that, that is not a job that needs doing.

*sigh* And, I will let you in on a dirty little secret. Sometimes I drop a stitch when I'm working, and I notice it later, and I realize I can hook that thing and make something look really cool and intentional. But it wasn't. It's there because I needed something there and it looked good. Ah, but as I've been writing, I've generated a reason for it to be there, and I now I have an opportunity to grab that sucker. I have picked up some amazing dropped stitches. I'm thinking of one in particular, a long series of dropped stitches, and when I was able to pick them all up in one swoop, I pretty much leapt up and screamed, "THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM! I LIVE IN THE MATRIX! SOMEBODY PUT THIS HERE AND I KNOW IT WASN'T ME!" (I haven't published it yet, it's gonna be a while.) Be that as it may, you live in the Matrix with me, and the Architect might leave something like that for you too. It's not 'cos I'm doing it on purpose.

If everything must have a purpose and you're not allowed to enjoy the work unless you find every last one like it's Wally/Waldo, you may find that you've lost some of the gestalt, and the virtuosity, and the feeling. That's what started happening to me when I went to college to "learn about literature." There was value in that. Comp. Lit. was fantastic! But, they are trying to sort you into an appropriate pay grade (mine is "Institutionalized and/or Housewife") , and they must judge something. The amount of Waldos you've found is quantifiable! And so, the academic need to huck Art into a juicer also has a basis in Capitalism. Man, that shit gets everywhere.

If you love it, like Mrs. Hillburn, go for it. We see you, and we leave things for you to find, like the dev team hides gag gifts in Dracula's castle for the completionists. But if it sucks all the life out of the work and makes it a joyless slog, like it did for me - stop. Please. Or go rip up some other artist's work that's already been sacrificed for the purpose and analyzed to death. It's almost impossible to read The Great Gatsby for its own sake anymore. Even if you're out of school, you're still gonna remember finding the Waldos and tick all the boxes every time. I hope like hell going into the Public Domain can fix that.

I will finish with a tortured metaphor, because that's what I do. That's fun for me. Let's say I'm God. (Because I am. Did I say "simile"? Right. I'm God and your prayers are keeping Me up at night. Cut that out.) I've made this frog*!

I made him because I love making things - and because I love making things, I made a lot of things, and I think I'm pretty good at that. But it's no fun for Me if I don't get to share him with someone who can love him just as much as I do - for whatever reasons of their own. Adam! Look! Look at the frog I made!

Yes, Adam, you can play with him however you like! Isn't it neat how everything about him fits together? See his little toesies? If you rub his tummy, his little legs kick. Ha. Uh, you might be stressing him out a little, there, Adam. But that's okay! I made him for you to LOVE and...

Adam, what are you doing with the scissors?

Ah. Well, yes. Yes. The insides of things are very interesting. Yes, everything about him fits together. Yes, if you hook him up to a battery, his little legs kick. Ah, but he's dead. You do know that you've killed him, right? OK. Well, look, if you really want to understand how frogs work that badly, I don't mind if you cut one up...

Or two...

ADAM, THAT IS NOT WHAT FROGS ARE FOR! I want them to LIVE, I...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, if that's how you want to play with the frogs, I guess...

ADAM. WHY ARE YOU CREATING AN INSTITUTION THAT TEACHES ALL YOUR CHILDREN THAT'S WHAT FROGS ARE FOR?

What? No! Don't... Don't PUNISH them for refusing to cut up the frogs, WTF is WRONG with you? No, no, of course they must engage with the frogs to understand them - I DO want all of you to understand them! Please don't ever think I don't! - but there's a LIMIT to... No, of course I still love you, but you don't have to...

If you do that to every frog you see, there will not be any more frogs, are you hearing me? I WILL STOP MAKING THEM OUT OF SPITE.

*sigh* No. Of course I won't actually stop making frogs, but... Can we at least come to an understanding that sometimes the curtains are blue?

*I know it's a toad. I needed a Public Domain image of a frog cupped lovingly in human hands, and the best image on the first page happened to involve a toad. Paul lives (as of this writing), and the platypus exists because I thought it looked cool. Now put down the onion and go analyze something else.