#i'm not actually sure what kind of beads these are exactly i just used what i had on hand!

[duskgryphon]

my first time ever making a kandi cuff from yesterday! really fun to make :3

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

I used to think that the reason I wasn't satisfied with Izzy's death was because I was too attached to his perspective as a character and couldn't focus on the big picture of the season and the main Gentlebeard relationship enough. I mean, I was still convinced that his death and the way it was carried out was a shit writing decision, but everyone else outside the Izzy Canyon circles seemed fine with it, so I was starting to think that maybe they were right.

So I looked back on the rest of the season and rewatched the finale... And realised something that I'd been trying to ignore because it was too painful to admit. A huge part of why Izzy's death hit so hard (in a bad way, not that delicious masochistic pain of having a beloved character die a good, narratively satisfying death) was because throughout this season he was the only character who actually had a satisfying arc and development. Practically no one else did. I didn't actually care for Gentlebeard this season, not the way I cared in S1. From episode 1 to 8 and a half, Izzy's arc was crafted with more care, kindness, subtlety and narrative weight than the main Gentlebeard arc which, in comparison, felt like a string of choppy beads badly tied together in an approximate shape of an arc, but collapsed as soon as you looked at it too closely.

Yes, we all know this season suffered for being 2 episodes too short, but I don't think that's all there is to it. This is starting to feel like GoT season 8 all over again. Would it have been better if it wasn't so rushed? Maybe. Or maybe it would have been even worse because this season just didn't seem to know what to do with itself or the characters. The themes and symbolism are all over the place and completely inconsistent. Ed and Stede's characters are practically back at the same place they left in S1. All they did was bounce off the walls back and forth with no real growth. As soon as they took a step towards fixing their relationship or growing as people, they either tool three steps back or it just got dropped. Stede letting fame get to his head? Interesting and realistic development. And how was it resolved? It wasn't. Stede and Ed being whim prone? I'm glad they brought it up. And then they just fell for another whim and it was presented as a satisfying ending.

Ed went from the Kraken, to taking the first steps towards being Ed, then suddenly all the way to being Ed by way of a Night of Magical Healing Sex that he he didn't actually want to happen because he wasn't ready. And then all of a sudden he pivoted to abandoning Stede and piracy and becoming a fisherman... for 5 min. And then back to Blackbeard again because two fishermen were mean to him for 5 minutes. And then abandoning it again to open an inn. How was any of this even remotely coherent or satisfying? They didn't even have a single conversation about any of it. Ed had more proper closure and communication with Izzy during his dying scene than with Stede and the rest of the crew put together. Izzy's arc got sacrificed to do the heavy lifting for Ed's arc and became nothing more than a shortcut to speed run his character growth. Except it didn't even lead anywhere. "Ed, they're your family, they love you" no they don't, he didn't even have a single positive conversation with any of them except Fang. Of course this could have been the point, and Ed could have seen Izzy's death, his own discovery of found family and his dying words as a pretext to repair his relationship with the crew. But he just left them and stayed with Stede instead.

Sure, you could say this was only the second act of the story, and S3 will resolve everything. But the second act is still meant to move the story and the characters forward in some way. Yes, of course if we get S3, I imagine Stede and Ed's life as innkeepers won't exactly be idyllic. But the problem is that the conflicts they'd have will only be a rehash and repeat of the same conflicts they've already have, or were supposed to have, this season. Multiple times, even. We already know that Ed is simply unable to live with himself no matter what life he chooses. The title of S1 was literally "wherever you go, there you are". We already know Stede's love isn't enough to fix him. We already know their goals in life are completely opposite. Maybe they could have shown Stede realising, after his humiliating in S7, that piracy wasn't all it was cracked up to be or he isn't suited for it, and that's why he chose to leave it behind and open an inn, but that's not the explanation we were given. It was just another whim. They literally didn't learn anything this season. They had two baby conversations in E4 and E5 and didn't take anything from it, just kept doing the complete opposite of anything. "We're both prone to whims, let's take things slow" became "let's take things extremely fast by moving in together permanently and becoming entrepreneurs". They never talked about the actual, deepseated, longstanding trauma issues they needed to resolve before they could even begin to have a proper relationship. They literally got a heavy-handed glimpse in what their life would become if they just stuck together without addressing their own personal issues, and chose to do that very thing. It that's what S3 is going to address, then why were Anne and Mary part of this season instead of the next one?

I remember everyone saying they wanted Ed and Stede to reunite as quickly as possible in S2, and I get why. They have great chemistry together. The season is about them. But for it to work, spending more time apart is exactly what they needed. They needed to learn how to live with themselves and others, first. Romantic love alone can't fix you as a person. You have to fix yourself first. Community can help (as with Izzy's case), but you still have to put in the work. In retrospect, I'm glad that Izzy didn't get a love interest this season - because he wasn't ready yet, and had to learn how to have normal relationships and friendships with other people before attempting an intimate romantic relationship, lest he ended up falling head first unit another toxic mutually dependent relationship. That's what Stede and Ed should have tried too. Instead the show just ended up using Izzy's death as a quick surgical fix, robbing Ed of his agency and having to do the hard work repairing himself and his relationships with other people. There's a sad irony in getting exactly one character's arc just this, and then using it as a sacrificial lamb to patch over the main character's arc.

[honeyjars-sims]

3.26 Past in Your Present

“Johnny!” Lexie exclaims in surprise.

“Wait, you’re the PA?” Izzy asks.

“Yep,” I reply, more curtly than I intended. “Well, I guess I’ll give you the tour.”

They follow me through the lobby doors. Our footsteps are the only sound filling the hallway. Beads of sweat form on my hairline and I quickly wipe them away. 

“So are you like our boss?” Chase finally asks.

“Kind of,” I lie. 

We make it to the studio door and I swipe my badge. “I don’t know if you’ll get one of these,” I tell them. "They don’t give them out to just anyone.”

Pretty much everyone here has one, but my insecurity has put me on a bit of a power trip. A familiar feeling lately.

Once we’re on set, the group starts chatting about how cool it is. It wasn’t that long ago that I was in their spot, looking around this room in awe. Now it was just another room in the building. I guess that's progress.

Lacey and Lilly are rehearsing on one of the sets. They spot us and head over.

“Hey, Johnny!” They call.

“Hey! These are my friends Lacey and Lilly,” I tell the students.

“Oh, the students!” Lilly says excitedly. “I love when we get new staff members.”

“You’re gonna love it here!” Lacey tells them.

“I can’t believe we’re actually meeting you two!” Lexie gushes. Our eyes meet for a second and I look away abruptly. The image of her tear-stained face as she told me she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore replays in my mind every time I look at her.

“Yeah, we watch your videos all the time!” Kelsey adds. “Johnny can tell you.” Chase nudges them with his elbow.

Lacey raises her eyebrows. “Johnny, you know them?”

Everyone quiets down really quickly. “Yeah,” I say. “I was at DSV with them for a bit.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were a student!”

“Uh, well, I’m not anymore. College wasn’t really for me.”

It starts to fall silent again, but Izzy quickly intervenes.

“Well, we loved the Voidcritters video you just put out,” he tells Lacey and Lilly. “The costumes were amazing!”

They start discussing the video and I zone out, hoping that Lucy will appear so I can go somewhere and gather my thoughts. Luckily she walks in the studio while Lilly is still explaining the symbolism behind her costume.

“Oh, here you are!” Lucy says as she walks towards us. “I see Johnny is giving you guys the grand tour.”

“Yeah, I was. But I just remembered something I need to do for Damien. Are you able to take over?”

“Sure, no problem!” Lucy agrees. “It’s probably for the best, there’s no telling what this guy will tell you!”

Everyone laughs politely, like they don't already know exactly what I'm capable of. 

I exit the studio and go into the nearest bathroom. I splash my face with water, taking deep breaths as I do.

As I pat my face dry, I think to myself, It’s going to be okay. You can get through this. 

I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Khadija asking if my next appointment can be moved up. Luckily, she has an appointment available for this afternoon.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[thatkippycat]

I have the start of a Hazbin fanfic. It's not a reader, one, it's Huskerdust cuz they've had me in a chokehold lately. Here's a little snippet of it.

Knock knock.

Nothing.

Angel knows Lucifer is the king of Hell and all, but could he atleast answer the door? He decided to just wait outside. Recently, Angel has decided to give himself a little task: freeing Husk. The spider and the cat had become very good friends over the past few months, and while Angel was still trying to decipher his real feelings from the ones he thinks are real, Husk and Angel trust eachother. It shouldn't have been a surprise when Husk finally talked about his contract with Alastor. What Angel wasn't expecting was Husk beginning to break down.

Angel didn't see Husk cry, no, Husk locked himself in his room before that, but Angel could tell. He'd been through enough of them to know the signs. That night, Angel decided help Husk out. As a friend, of course. Angel was sure Husk would do the same thing for him if he had the chance. It's just what friends do.

Angel knocked on the door again, and this time actually heard something. Granted that something was the very clear sound of someone yelping and falling out of a chair onto, Angel thought it sounded like rubber ducks but that couldn't be right. Angel stood up straight as who he could only assume was the big man himself scrambled for the door.

"Shit shit shit. Heeeyyyyyy, how's it going, um, Angel right?"

"Right. I'm fine, but I need some help with some-"

"Say no more!"

After Lucifer interrupted Angel, he kicked a rubber ducky that had fallen out of his pocket back into the room before slamming the door.

"So, what is it you need?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could help me with a...project."

"What kind of project?"

"Well, I don't want to talk about it out here. I don't know if he's listening."

"Who?"

"Y'know, the guy you hate."

"..."

"The hotelier."

"..."

"Alastor."

"OH! Yeah, come on in then."

"Thanks."

Angel walked into the room after Lucifer opened the door again. Maybe that comment about the sound not being a rubber duck was wrong, as there were hundreds strewn across the room. Lucifer lead Angel over to a desk, where the two demons sat down.

"Right, so what is it you needed?"

"I want to get Husk out of his contract with Alastor. I know I should probably focus on getting mine gone first, but Husk..."

"Ahhh, I see I see. Contracts are usually easier to mess with when you don't have one yourself, so we should probably get you freed first, and then focus on your boyfriend."

"Woah, Husk is not my boyfriend."

"Really? Huh, guess my intuition's a bit rusty, eh? Anyways, I want you to know now that this will be very difficult, and in the end, you both may not even end up truly free. I can try to work my magic, but there's no guarantee. I'm not even sure if I could remove the contract."

"I know, but I have ta try. For Husk."

"Alright. To start off with, I'm going to need your contract. Do you know where your boss keeps it?"

"In his room. I think, anyways. Asshole usually keeps em in his office but I'm his 'special toy.' Problem is that I can't exactly get in there without getting fucked in both senses of the word."

"Yikes. Maybe I could... interrupt?"

"Didn't know you were into that stuff."

"Noooo nononono no. I meant I could come to the tower and request an immediate meeting while you two are...you know, he'll need to leave to see me. I am the king of Hell, after all."

"How would ya even know when to show up?"

"Here, take this."

Lucifer grabbed a bracelet from his desk and handed it over to Angel. A collection of pretty beads with a little duck charm in the middle, all cool to the touch, adorned a black cord.

"A... bracelet?"

"The little ducky charm in the middle will let me know if you tap it. Honestly, probably the most useful duck I've made."

"So I get Val in bed, tap the duck, you distract him, and I get the stuff. Then what?"

"Leave?"

"Problem with that is Val would murder me if I ran."

"...Not if he can't."

"Heh?"

"Well, if we can get you back to the hotel quick enough and get your contract taken care of, we may be able to stop him. He wouldn't want to stand up to the king and princess of Hell, after all."

"Yeah, he wouldn't. Damn this might actually work."

"Let me know when you're ready, Angel. I'll be there to bail you out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my other projects."

---------

That's all I have for right now wich kinda sucks cuz I wanna show off more, but hey, I'll make sure to post updates when I get the first part finished!

[fandomconsumesme]

Rambling as to make sense of DTAMHD, tw ed and klinsky reference, this is horrifically long but i promise i'm going somewhere with it

I gotta say, watching it the first time I was fairly disappointed (The acting and episode were great, just wasn't sure how I felt about it as a finale) But having spent time to process, i would say this does its job as a Dennis catharsis episode, particularly symbolically

Starting off, Dennis has been almost scarily normal this season, or about as normal as Dennis can be (catfishing your roommate into using xl anal beads), not creeping on women, not getting fed up with the gang all the time, working with them in a familial manner again. Shockingly, it seems he's doing pretty good, and growing into himself

Like at the beginning of the episode, he's actually going to a doctor and apparently everything looks normal. Either this doctor immediately needs to be disbarred, or Dennis has been doing better taking care of himself, an unheard of concept

4. Dennis has a desperate fear of getting old, willing to do anything to prove himself still valuable, something to be desired, both connected to his childhood abuse by Mrs. klinsky, a way of rationalizing that it was okay because Dennis is special, just more developed, and his tenuous relationship with his mother where he was the golden boy, but emotionally separated from her due to drug abuse.

5. Dennis' mind scenario thing starts right after the title sequence i think, and we pretty much immediately get his interpretation of the gang and how he sees them.

6. Charlie is childlike, confused over the concept of sea level, and Dennis has an almost patronizing view of him, not understanding how he's this way if they are so similar

7. Frank brings up the family style cooking, the point of the pressure cooker, but dennis and the gang are in two different places, and the only reason they called was the sea level thing. Dennis sees the gang as a family, but feels like an outsider

8. Dee is reasonable and kind, backing Dennis up, supporting his decision for a mental health day, but seems to lack understanding as to why Dennis is doing this, a fundamental disconnect

9. Mac is always in view, all of him, the focus of the call. Dennis stays watching him, even though he says nothing particularly relevant in the scene. The whole of him appearing also has interesting implications of Dennis knowing who mac is, but he can only get a picture of the other members of the gang for a few seconds at a time. Mac is his constant.

10. To continue that thread, the other members are always yanking the phone towards them, stopping Dennis from being able to interact with him, but Dennis always knows where he is.

11. Frank is an asshole, diminishing Dennis' problems, acting like they don't exist, and as a much smarter person noted here, dennis' watch starts beeping the moment he starts talking.

12. Mac is also patient, cautious of Dennis' boundaries and doing exactly what he has to to make dennis feel safe.

13. Dennis is insistent on it being his mental health day and none of them participating, but as becomes evident later, the day is miserable BECAUSE they aren't there to back him up and support him. Dennis tries to stay away because they make things complicated, but they make things complicated by causing him to have big feelings.

15. He also gets repeatedly annoyed by very little things, like downloading an app or not getting the precise tea he wanted, but then calms by blaming it on the system (system seems like such a familiar word in the context of dennis and his thoughts... I wonder what it could be referencing lol) So all of those little inconveniences that stop Dennis from doing what he wants, can in fact be attributed to the system. Not only does he acknowledge it's the system, but also that he isn't the only victim, that others suffer because of it.

16. The tsuma blares the song when he opens the door in the parking lot, and he's so focused on stifling it that he doesn't notice he's just made a mistake that will hurt him in the long run.

17. On the French dip, dee once again works in conjunction to Dennis, encouraging them not to eat it. Charlie is afraid of Dennis' wrath, but Mac wants for Dennis to come home and be happy. Mac tries to reassure dennis.

18. Overall an aggravating phone call, but the moment he turns it off there are almost reactionary consequences, a police car pulling him over.

19. Dennis comes up with his own metaphors for what he's going through in his mind, likening himself to a pressure cooker.

20. He also has Dee and Mac decide not to call because they want him to have a successful mental health day and respect his boundaries, but frank continues to belittle

21. Along the lines of 16, "Dennis' true self is the tsuma" theory, he goes into a fit of rage when he can't communicate with his car. Dennis is comfortable in the car, but when he exits he puts on a mask, and now can't get back in.

22. The true DENNIS System,

D-Deliver me from this as in get me out of having to demonstrate value

E-Engage with human as in wanting a real connection rather than a physical one

N-Nancy(boy)/Neighbor/Nightmare/Never ending as in repeatedly nurturing dependence in a way that hurts him with the wrong people

N-NIGHTMARE/Never gonna help me as in even worse than the first n, and him knowing that it only hurts to neglect emotionally

I-Is this real as in the potential of something real with inspire hope

S- Somebody help me as in him wanting to escape the system

23. By my reckoning there are 3 people the ceo could symbolize, those being Frank, mac, or Dennis as a mask.

a. Frank because he is so oblivious, able to live a live of lounging at the beach, but it was his actions and neglect which have led to Dennis being trapped in his own prison. The frank is an older figure, and it makes sense for the diamond to be derived from his heart as he is his offspring in a sense. Dennis is reclaiming his sense of free will, taking back control so he can live a life that isn't predestined by his upbringing. The hand on the chest is trying to make frank understand, dennis still gets the pleasure of violent retribution though.

b. Mac is the one orchestrating the pressure cooking of the diamonds, explains the extreme homoeroticism of the scene. The systems have been created to protect himself from mac, mac is allowed to lounge because he has found peace with himself (MFHP) Dennis wants that for himself, and receives it from mac. Mac reaches out first, at the encouragement of dennis, but is pushed away so dennis can show his appreciation, upon which mac looks shocked. They clearly understand and have sympathy for one another. A love song is playing, and dennis takes mac's purest essence for himself, showing how intertwined they are. Mac is left unhurt because it was about the gesture, not the carnage.

C. Dennis as a mask, or what Dennis has made himself into to survive, lounges because he has been given control over the inner dennis. He has created all of the systems, and tsuma is his, made into a form that he can control for his own benefit. Dennis is his own worst enemy, and seeks to deconstruct this unfeeling being in order to find himself. He has a touching moment with himself, where mask dennis realizes that it is necessary that true dennis come to power. explains the homoeroticism because of narcissism, and ultimately true dennis decides the most humane thing he can do is leave behind mask dennis, killing him gently and taking his heart, condensing it into a diamond that symbolizes his innate goodness and incorporating it into true dennis.

I personally think it's a mixture of all three, but regardless this IS Dennis' catharsis. The motifs are there (crying, a powerful body of water) and dennis takes back control, actively choosing to be better. it's different, but it's still there.

24. In the end, when it's all revealed to be a glimpse into Dennis' mind and he's lowered his blood pressure, it's not because he's won per say. before the title, Dennis was keying up for some kind of angry meltdown, but he takes a moment and thinks better. i wouldn't say Dennis has had just one catharsis, but a million little ones in his mind since the season started, a million little choices to be kinder, more patient, better. He calms down and has found at least a temporary solution to his problem (The kratom doesn't hurt either) dennis has gotten so much better with interacting with others this season tbh, and to continue that to an extent would stop him from being the dennis we all know and love, sleazy and manipulative. And what he loves, what he knows will help him, is to be with the gang, his family. And he makes the choice to go to them too.

Remember, there is a structure. It will be fulfilled. (And if it isn't, at least we have FVR and Tends Bar)

[pants-magic-pants]

✧⊹JARETH BALLROOM COAT⊹✧

[This post is part of a series about constructing Jareth's entire masquerade ball costume. Visit the master post here.]

The Nightmare of the Lace [Part 1 of 2]

Welcome back to another long overdue episode of making that damn coat, which it's crazy to think was a year ago, that I was actually doing these things that I'm talking about. This seemed like a good time to round up all of my notes and pictures and diagrams etc. etc. about this, before content from my upcoming event fills my blog haha

There will be two posts about the lace, and in this post there will be two halves. The first half is about creating the pattern pieces, and the other half is about plans vs. reality, and some important things I've learned while attempting these steps.

Alright. Let's get into it, shall we?

First and foremost, I’ve gotta say… the lace was one of the most maddening aspects of this entire costume. I’m sure what made it so was a combination of velvet’s general menace towards any other material, the technique I ended up going with, my order of operations, and general lack of knowledge about the beast I would be pitted against. 

Let’s start happy and optimistic. 

Choosing the lace -------------------------

Photo (c) Yosa Addiss

The lace on his coat is a compromise between looks and durability. It seems like it’s very, eh, mossy and thick, and generally when you see lace like that, it’s either very light and stretchy or thick, stiff and raised. Light and stretchy just plain won't work, if the plan is to embroider or add beads on top of it. The weight of the beads will add up and distort/destroy the delicate pattern, and the stretching will give you no control over the design. On the other hand, thick, stiff, and raised lace uh... could potentially look, well, ugly. This is a matter of opinion, but I was not inclined to go for lace like that because of how stark the difference is in texture and light reflection, which you can see in the original in some photos, and for me it just doesn't look cohesive, and it's blocking out the beautiful metallic velvet instead of harmonizing with it.

Because of my issues finding something that resembled the original's lace without being weak/stretchy, or overpowering, I chose something less mossy, and less raised, but was durable and could withstand being stitched a million times.

The most important takeaway here is this was the kind of thing to either choose in person or at least order a swatch to test on, see if it can handle being worked on top of, and if it complements the fabric underneath it. Designing the piece shapes -------------------------------------- The plan for the lace pieces was to use my pattern for the coat as a guide. You can refer to the above diagrams.

Some areas of the coat are exactly a layer of velvet and a layer of lace, making it pretty straight-forward, but I’ll talk about the largest piece that drapes over the shoulders first. Because this is all one continuous piece, I needed to combine the back and front pattern pieces at the shoulder seam, lay the entire thing out, and then draw on top of it how the lace would fall down the shoulders and back into those characteristic “drips”, skirt past the armpits, and then tuck in around the waist. What resulted was a piece that looks like a lumpy shawl. haha 

There is excess lace past the edge of the shoulders that drapes in a leafy sort of shape, and all of it will house jewels/beads, even the part hanging down the sleeve. Also, the center drip in the back falls lower than the two side drips, passing the pleat seam about 2-3cm. 

Photos (c) Yosa Addiss

The back drips and the front sides only needed to be stitched in place, but the bottom corner in the very front (including the seam where the zipper is) needed a seam allowance, so that it could neatly disappear and be sewn into the coat. There was no seam allowance around the collar – it just stops there, goes straight down, and has its raw edges hidden by the collar and lapels. 

One other thing that isn’t in my diagram: I did not trust the massive shoulder piece to just be draped and stay put, so while tracing off the pattern piece, I marked where the shoulder seam was, and created a folded rectangle of lace to stitch on underneath it. This went into the coat, so I may have peace of mind it wasn’t going nowhere because. You know. THAT LACE ALWAYS HAD A PLACE TO GO. *curls fist*

The other pieces (lapels, cuffs, collar) mostly were just replicas of the velvet pattern pieces. As far as I can see, only the top of the collar has lace. The only pieces that needed some extra designs were the lapels, which I thought should be held in somewhere at some seam, so they had allowances added to the whole top, allowing for a clean look at the marriage of the inner facing and collar. The lower diagonal parts of the lapels were just stretched and stitched at the edges. They also had allowances for the zipper seam of the inner facing, which I ended up just cutting off, because there were too many other slippery things that I was trying to get into that area.

I will discuss decoration and assembly in a second post, but I want to stop right here and spend the rest of this first post talking about...

Plans vs. Reality -----------------------

Originally, I thought it was going to be simple. I’d cut out pieces shaped like the coat pattern pieces, tediously stitch beads on them, add some seam allowances to some parts, sandwich them into the seams, and stitch down any other free-falling parts. 

It would not be simple. It would become the bane of my existence. The actual bead stitching was not the bane. It was tedious, but in no time I had a technique, and a comfy chair, and I would just stitch for hours, watching Better Call Saul. To this day, when I see the beads, nostalgic thoughts of Nacho and the cartel run through my head. 

But… here is what happened: the lace would become subtly warped by the stitching. It made the pieces like 2% smaller than they were originally. Pair this with the fact that from the start, they should have been 2% bigger than the velvet pieces, because as a general rule if you have two pieces that are going to be sewn together (like the front and back of a collar), the one on the outside needs to be ever so slightly bigger because it has to stretch around the other, and in this case, the lace needed to slightly stretch over the velvet. So we can say that by the end of all my bead stitching, the lace pieces were now 4% smaller, and that was enough to completely screw up my ability to line them up with the velvet and sew them together where they needed to be sewn together. 

Also also, velvet is slippery, and has a pile that sends whatever you put on top of it swiftly off. Think of a man stepping out onto some sleek pavement and landing on his tailbone, or… or a conveyer belt…. You ain’t gonna find nothing where you put it. This velvet and lace were like oil and water. Didn’t want to be combined. The lace was constantly fucking far away, houdini’ing itself several millimeters as I worked just to pin it down. It moved while I was basting it. All these things you’re supposed to do, to keep fabric in place, were already failing me. Ultimately, the only thing that worked was to cut out a courser sturdier fabric (for me it was Kona cotton), place it on top of the velvet, place the lace on that, then pin it, then baste it, then sew that, then trim the cotton so that it wouldn’t be seen past the seam allowance. 

And even then, the pieces were too small, and some needed to have lace added to the edges, in a less than neat process, or I had to consent to stopping just short of my original intended seams. This affected a lot of the coat, and because of this and the length velvet takes up just turning around its seams, the coat ended up being slightly smaller than I had planned, slightly shorter, slightly more form-fitting. I still am disappointed about this. It affected how high-rise I needed to make my pants. It affected where I had to place the cummerbund (unnaturally high….) So, yeah.

If I could have done it differently, I would have 1.) adjusted all the lace pieces so they were 2% bigger from the start, 2.) sewn them right away to the velvet pieces, 3.) stitched on the beads through both layers. Then, maybe, things would have worked out better. 

Part two, about lace decoration and assembly is here.

[katies-anonymous-post-box]

Here, have a long chunk of a WIP I have.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something. You seem really close to that guy, Milligan. Is he your dad or something? Why's he so sad all the time?" 

"Oh." Lee put down his cracker. "I guess I should tell you. The time was never really right, but I think you should know. Milligan's story and mine...they're almost exactly the same." 

Kate turned sharply to look at him. "You mean you also woke up strapped to a metal chair, blindfolded, then jumped into the bay and got your ankle bitten by an eel?" 

"Well, okay. Not exactly the same." He sighed and leaned against the bed. "I actually woke up a few days before Milligan escaped. I also woke up strapped to a chair with no memory, but I wasn't bruised. Everything hurt for me too, but it was more of a...dull pain, the kind that starts in your muscles when you work out too much, and I was tired. So, so tired. The people came to me asking questions about what I remembered, and I think I said I remembered everything about myself. When they asked for details, I said that I was as old as I was, my name was none of their business, sassy stuff like that."

He chuckled, but it sounded dry. "When they slapped me, I tried to bite them. Not that it worked, with my head strapped to a chair, but it's the effort that counts. Eventually, they pulled me out of the chair and took me to a small room. It didn't have much, just a bed that felt as hard as cement and a change of clothes, but something in me said it was the best I had gotten for a very long time. I don't even know why I thought that, and I don't think I want to know. I spent a few days being a household keeper. Making food, mopping spills, cleaning the bathrooms, and so on and so forth. I knew I had to get out. I just didn't know how. 

"And then one day, I heard an announcement. I was outside, sweeping a pathway, and by some stroke of luck, nobody was out with me. It said that someone had escaped and that all us Helpers - that's what we were called by the way - were supposed to stay inside until the crisis was over. I didn't listen, of course, just dropped my broom and ran. Soon, men in gray were spilling out the doors trying to find them, and I knew that they were my escape. I must have been a fighter before I was taken there because when I pulled one of the Grays into a side building, muscle memory kicked in and I was able to knock him out. I put on his clothes, got on a boat, and left the island." He paused, taking a few deep breaths. "When I reached the dock, I saw Milligan climb onto the shore. Even though I was in a captor's uniform, he must have known I wasn't one of them because he let me carry him away from the beach. We spent the next few weeks in the city before making our way to Mr. Benedict's." Lee closed his eyes as he finished his story. 

"Wow." Kate shook her head in amazement. "That was a lot." 

"Yeah, yeah. It's not as interesting as I make it seem. I don't remember much at all." He didn't look at Kate, instead choosing to look at the floor. The smile had slid off like a mask, revealing a melancholy look like Milligan's.

"Well...I have one memory left. But it's really fuzzy." He fidgeted with the lining of his jacket. "I'm running with another boy next to a beach. Whenever I try to think of his face, I always see mine, not sure why, but I think we were close. The sun was hot, but the other boy was wearing a jacket, and I think I was wearing a T-shirt like yours. I remember he called me Lee, but it was short for something. Leroy? Leo? Leland?" He looked off into the distance, lost in thought. Tears started beading at the corner of his eyes again, and this time he didn't even reach up to wipe them. 

@phtalogreenpoison this you?

Whoever it is, this is amazingly written 👀

[jimintomystery]

Byakuya headcanons

[Above: When you tell them to stop being poor but they keep doing it anyway]

Took me a while to warm up to this twerp. Then again, I have some experience with finding the charm in smug aristocrats in unlikely found family situations...

This is kind of an easy one, but I like to think Byakuya has more affection for his surviving classmates than he cares to admit. They all know that, to one degree or another. So they put up with him treating them like lowly employees, and he puts up with them treating him like an equal.

Byakua spends a good chunk of Trigger Happy Havoc biding his time, waiting for the right moment to "win" the Killing Game with the perfect murder. The fourth trial changes his mind, and after that everyone pretty much lets bygones be bygones. But Byakuya's never forgotten what he intended to do, or how thoroughly he planned it. The closer he gets to the others, the more it haunts him, and he doesn't talk about it.

I don't have any specific ideas about what sort of murder Byakuya was planning. But when I watched chapter five I became certain he was the killer, until the twists at the end. The timeframe of the murder largely depends on Toko's testimony, and it conveniently forces Makoto and Kyoko to break each other's alibis rather than work together towards a common goal. So I'd imagine Byakuya's perfect crime would look something like that.

I'm a big fan of the way Dan Avidan voiced Byakuya in the Game Grumps play-through. Nothing against the actual official voice actors for the character, of course. But after he gets the hang of it, Dan does this low, almost growly thing that adds so much seething contempt to the dialogue. For me it's the missing piece that elevates the character from Draco Malfoy to Baron Zemo.

Upon escaping the Killing Game, Byakuya thinks he's the leader of the gang. He is not. It's just easier to let him believe that nobody else can make a decision without his approval. What keeps this dork squad running smoothly is that he's not a complete tyrant, since he respects Makoto and Kyoko for their insight.

Byakuya is sharp enough to pick up on Makoto and Kyoko's feelings for one another, arguably before either of them do. On the other hand, he doesn't actually expect them to act on those feelings. (Byakuya does not read my fanfiction.) From his point of view, it'd be like if his gardener made a pass at his attorney--it'd never work out, and he wouldn't want either of them to get hurt, and more importantly it would reduce their usefulness to him personally.

It's hard for me to get a bead on Byakuya's relationship with Hina or Hiro, beyond the fact that they're all in the larger group. The lazy approach would be that they're not close to each other but they all have Makoto in common. But to me the interesting thing about this found family is the idea that everybody has a special attachment to everybody else, even if we only see them being rude to each other. So I choose to believe Byakuya has a unique bond to Hiro and to Hina, and I just have to keep digging to identify it.

Along those lines, I want to believe Byakuya cares--at least a little--for Toko. Don't get me wrong--he obviously despises the way she moons over him in front of everybody. And I'm hardly convinced he reciprocates her romantic feelings. However, Toko is a masochist that takes every compliment as an attack, and Byakuya is very observant. If he wanted to be nice to her, he'd treat her exactly the way he does treat her, and nobody would know the difference. (Well, Kyoko could figure it out, but I'm not sure she'd give a shit.)

I am intrigued by the fact Byakuya's family is part of some secret cabal that controls (controlled?) the world, which gives him access to a library full of secret knowledge he reads for fun. Kind of like when I read Time Life's Mysteries of the Unknown. I think he should have a peculiar interest in Atlantis or something goofy like that. Hmm, maybe that's how he bonds with Hiro...

I like the idea of the survivors going underground immediately after THH, and getting by on their own for a while before the Future Foundation locates them. To that end, I imagine them leaning on Byakuya's Illuminati-type shit. Like, his family had some secret underground bunker set up for the end of the world, so we might as well see if it's still intact. I also wonder if the troops he led in Danganronpa 3 were assigned to him within the Future Foundation or his own private army from his connections to the cabal.

Obviously a lot of these are still pretty half-baked. Maybe if all goes well I'll find ways to refine them...

[horce-divorce]

This is high on the list of stupidest fucking things I have ever seen. "entrepaneurs" will literally sell you mud inside a bead for $20 fucking dollars.

I was initially speechless about all of this. Oh the tragedy of my grandfather's illness really just inspired me to make a product. Not something useful or related to his illness whatsoever. No it was a cheap, fugly silicone bead bracelet, I was just sooo inspired by the highs and lows of life and I thought this tacky piece of fucking plastic needed to exist to lift others up. I made sure to bastardize a Hawaiian word for My Brand because it just wouldnt be inspirational if I used English. Yeah its made a ton of fucking money, obviously.

I know this company started in 2013, but how do you make so much money on PLASTIC BRACELETS that 10% of sales amounts to almost $10 million? Is this Claire's for rich kids?? Idk how to dig up the real numbers on their profits but boy if I did I'd be so curious.

This is the CEO btw. He turned 30 in 2021 :)

what I'm MORE curious about is, like, what is this genre of bullshit product called, and why this is successful? I mean, I know why, but I want to lay it out in plain English. Are we still calling this shit "snake oil"? Cause this falls solidly into but also beyond the snake oil category for me.

I get ads for stuff like this a lot, or Zox, or the related "health and wellness Lifestyle Products" that these brands inevitably always end up putting out alongside their Exclusive, Exquisite, Collectible, Grounding And Balancing Jewelry. There's some perfect storm of "business sector nepo babies* Starting Their Own Companies" and "American laypeople with no health insurance desperate for absolutely anything that will make them feel better" that coalesces, somehow, into these Health Bead Success Stories. These obviously share some kind of space with like, crystal healing energy infused water bottles and shit. *and I know nepo baby is used wrt celebrities usually but isn't it kind of the same thing when they have rich business owning parents and they end up also having a very successful business? Or is there no specific word for that because that's just capitalism and privilege working as intended lol.

I feel very strongly that this is exactly the type of business capitalists have in mind when they say, "just start your own! Its so easy!" I feel strongly that this kind of brand helps fuel that bootstraps myth that Anyone Can Do It. See, look at this idiot kid, all he did was slap some mud into some bracelets and he's already secured his unborn children's future privilege. There's a "certificate" on the website "confirming" the quality of the materials and everyone eats it up! It's that easy! You just make some ugly beads! Anyone can do it!!!! You just bullshit about anything and people will buy it!!!!! Why don't poor people do this every day!!!!!!!

Not a link btw ^ lmao. 'Watch our sherpas' in your imagination, which is where they live. There's no actual video.

I must add a reminder here that it costs tens of thousands of dollars to summit Everest. The CEO does seem like the kind of person who would summit everest and never shut the fuck up about it, but how much water would the team have to cart back down with them to make that profitable? Even if there's only a drop in each bead, you can only attempt to summit Everest about once a year due to the weather conditions. How many bracelets would they have to sell to justify summitting everest for a fucking production material? I guarantee you no capitalist is doing that rofl.

Btw the only reason I'm even entertaining the notion to this degree is because I saw actual honest to goodness comments on their IG page trying to argue "yeah but I think I saw a video where they tested it and proved the mud came from the dead sea?" Like. Babe...

I guarantee you that an average, everyday human with no ties to wall street cannot "start a business" like this and achieve the same success. You can WATCH these attempts happen in real-time on Instagram, there are a TON of jewelry-specific small businesses to choose from, even. There are thousands upon thousands of talented artists on insta who make exquisite work and who are about to close up shop because they cant keep up with the IG algo, or Etsy fees and scammers, or whatever. Those people have to learn everything from scratch and they don't get nominated for any fucking awards. More often, they get jerked around by Etsy until they can't take it anymore and then retire from posting about their hobbies.

I would love to know where this guy outsources his actual production to. I would love to know how much money this company actually makes, and how much of that was brought in simply due to the fact that this kid already had connections. (He has expanded into the adaptogen health tonic sphere too btw!) I would love to know how many BS, cheap, outsourced trinket-making companies that just sell beads, or whatever, actually exist and make a profit. It must be a good racket.

[l3sbianomens]

I wrote this monstrosity a month or so after good omens 2 released. I had a lot of thoughts about the final scene bouncing around in my head and I had to get them out. So for my zero followers, here you go. Spoilers ahead.

Good Omens season 2 has genuinely impacted my life. I can't remember a time I've ever been so invested in a story. This hyperfixation is so different for me, and it's so fun. I didn't have the same kind of reaction that I did to other hyperfixations of mine, like TLOU and ST. I didn't yell at my screen, pleading for the life of a character I loved. I wasn't heaving and wiping snot from my face. I didn't cover my mouth with my hands. I just sat in silence. With my heart in my throat. It felt like whiplash. My face had been sore from smiling so hard. And then the last 15 minutes I could feel my brows furrowing closer, inching together. My cheeks no longer hurt. But my forehead did. I had the climax of The Scene spoiled, but I didn't know the context. So the further I got into the final minutes, I was more and more confused. Crowley was going to take Aziraphale to the Ritz for breakfast, okay this is good. Nina and Maggie show up, and finally, FINALLY, knock some sense into Crowley. All those things you've got pent up inside? You have to tell him. You can't keep avoiding it. You have to communicate for once in your life. Now's your chance. Tell Aziraphale how you REALLY feel. My heart started beating out of my chest. I was spinning. Crowley is going to confess.

But then Aziraphale came back to the bookshop. And barreled over Crowley. "Hold that thought!" And spoke and spoke and spoke. And my heart started its downward spiral into the pit in my stomach. There's no way. He can't, can he? Watching the horror spread across Crowley's face as Aziraphale speaks. Then the first dagger hit "Tell me you said no! Tell me you said no!?" And when Crowley started to speak? My heart raced with each word that was spoken. The microexpressions, the pacing of the dialogue, the emotion you can hear in their voice. I'm sure Crowley had spent the time Aziraphale was still gone after Nina and Maggie left deciding what he wanted to say. But then everything changed. It was no longer just a confession. He was pleading his case to the lone juror. "And I would like to spend- hmm" The dagger twisted in my chest as I watched the tears beading on his waterline, threatening to spill over onto his cheeks (David Tennant I am in your WALLS for that) as Aziraphale with tears in his eyes says "Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever" The dagger didn't just twist, it was pulled out nearly all the way, and shoved back in. "No... No I don't suppose it does." Then Crowley puts his glasses come back on, and walks away. And Aziraphale realizes what's happening. He begs and begs. He even insinuates that Crowley has misunderstood. But Crowley? Crowley understands exactly what's happening. Their love for each other does not absolve the fact that heaven is no place for Crowley, for either of them really. He won't compromise himself, not again. He won't go back to heaven. And Aziraphale shouldn't either.

And then Crowley says the line that made me realize there was really no going back. We had started a swan dive into the deep end. "That's the point. No nightingales" And honestly? I think that line hurt just as much as "Nothing lasts forever" for me, because A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square didn't just signify the happy ending from season one for us, the viewers. It was playing at the Ritz. It wasn't just for the fans, for the joke of a nightingale really singing in Berkeley Square. It actually HAPPENED for them. To Crowley and Aziraphale. The two of them experienced it with us. It meant something to them, too. Aziraphale's face says it all. And then what I had been waiting for, the moment I had completely warped in my mind, it happened. "You idiot. We could have been...us." Aziraphale had to physically look away, and I felt like I COULDN'T look away. I could feel the knife going for its final twist. The music swelled, I could feel it in my bones that this was a moment I would never forget. It wasn't what I had expected. It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't think we'd get ANY of this. Not a confession, not the additional context of their lives together. A season of so much joy. I'd been laughing and smiling and kicking my feet for fucks sake! I didn't expect us to get anything. But I ESPECIALLY did not expect what I got. Crowley takes three steps. Nothing was the same after those three steps.

The absolute force at which Crowley kissed him felt like it knocked ME back. Watching Aziraphale panic, the pain in his eyes. The confusion. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't decide whether to hold on or let go. He eventually closes his eyes but he can't decide where to place his hands. Whether to grip on for dear life. And then they pull apart. The look on Aziraphale's face is burned into my corneas. His shaky gasp. His eyes darting as he tries to process what just happened. And then the final twist of the knife before it was ripped from my chest, "I-I..." the shift in Aziraphale's face here? Haunts me. (Michael Sheen I am in your FUCKING WALLS for that). And then? "I forgive you" and Crowley's face, unchanging since they pulled apart, saying "Don't bother" while walking away. And the knife was ripped from my chest, not clean, though. It's twisted on the way out, too. Maximum carnage.

And then, of course, a new knife appeared. Because I could see every emotion washing through Aziraphael. The knife twisted when I saw the tears in Aziraphale's eyes, shakily exhaling as Crowley retreated. And then, it twisted again. Because Aziraphale reached for his lips, to feel where they'd just touched Crowley's for the first time. His eyes widen, brows raising as the shock set in. And then, when he pulled his hand away? The anger had set in. He looked fucking angry. He looked how I felt, that "It wasn't supposed to happen like THIS. Not like this." look. That's how I looked, too. This whole season, Aziraphale was so much more open with his love for Crowley. In gestures, in words, in glances. He's spent millenia watching humans fall in love, reading about love, and eventually falling in love himself. He'd just spent the last few days doing everything in his power to get Nina and Maggie to fall in love. He watched Beelzebub and Gabriel leave, happy, and together, and in love. I nearly jumped out of my seat when he grabbed Crowley's arm, as Gabriel and Beelzebub finally hold onto each other. Aziraphale realized that his love for Crowley was possible. An angel and a demon could BE together. It happened in front of him. He had just planned the whole night for Nina and Maggie, sure. But Aziraphale planned it for him, too. He told us as much when he and Crowley were discussing ways to make Maggie and Nina fall in love. Dancing, realizing you had misunderstood each other. His first plan had already been ruined by Shax appearing. And then Gabriel and Beelzebub happen. And the wheels started to turn. This was his chance. Even better than before because they had just seen an angel and a demon go off together and not be stopped. It was possible for them now. They had a shot.

And of course, the fucking Metatron appeared. Because of course he did. This was all his plan. He knew Crowley would say no. He had to have known. There was nothing in the coffee. There were no threats. And how did he know? Well, he was the one to get Crowley cast out of heaven of course. He tells us as much. "Always did want to go his own way, asking damned fool questions" He is the voice of God. To speak to him is to speak to God, or so he says. So Crowley spoke to him. And the Metatron did not like what he had to say. He knew that Crowley would never come back. He ESPECIALLY knew that, being the one to appoint a traitor to be the next Supreme Archangel. The one who went native. Soft, but pliable, or so he thinks. The one with little faith in heaven but full faith in the almighty. And that was enough. He knew that was enough. Because he also knows that Aziraphale and Crowley together are too powerful. Why else would the score have changed when he got Aziraphale to go with him to chat? Why else would he have looked relieved when Aziraphale got into the elevator? He needs them to be separated, for whatever reason. I don't have any specific theories besides them being too powerful together.

[dzpenumbra]

11/26/22

Today has been a pretty low-key day. Nothing really went as planned, and it all kinda worked out. So, I guess a kinda... neutral day? After yesterday, I'd call that a huge win!

Me and the cat got up around noon, I got her fed, killed a little time until her med time and got her all set for the day. Then I hit up the general store. After packing up most of my food and shit yesterday, I'm kinda letting myself be okay eating shitty easy pre-made food. It's very alien to me, I've been cooking pretty much every meal for several years now. But it has definitely been saving time, and comfort food is good right now. So I got some mozz sticks and some chicken tenders and some Monsters so I didn't have to make coffee or anything. Not like black coffee and mozz sticks pair very well... but I digress...

I got... my motherfucking raw opal today! And half of my shipment from Amazon, the beeswax (for wooden beads), more really good quality hemp cordage, and more Nag Champa Superhit since I've been running low. But... the opal! It's so pretty, it's... stunning, really. I get why it's so hard to find. The pieces were a bit smaller than I was expecting, but there are three of them. They're gonna take a bit of cleaning up, but I'm really excited to get to those soon. I'm pretty sure they're softer than what I'm used to working with, so they should clean up pretty quick. Very exciting!

I fired up Rimworld and watched some videos while eating. I was planning a later shower, but when I wandered into the living room I got completely distracted and started cracking more quartz rocks I had left over. My justification: I won't be able to do this at my new place. So... I mean... it makes sense. And goddamn is it work. But like... I was just going to smoke and hop in the shower and ended up spending 2 hours on the floor cracking rocks. It payed off, got some good pieces, but this ADD shit can just throw off your whole flow sometimes. =/ So after, I went out and smoked. And then fired up the shower and started sorting the bathroom counter and it hit me - "damn, I really should shave my head again. It's been a while." So I turned off the shower, actually took apart my headclippers and sharpened the blades for the first time ever. Yep. I actually did that. I went "dude, I have diamond sanding pads right over there, just run the blades over them a few times and you'll be good". And boy was it a good call. Got a nice new haircut, then got showered up.

My mom texted, she was checking in after Thanksgiving dinner. My nephew was sick again and he's on antibiotics. This poor kid just can't catch a damn break, he had heart surgery twice in like the first 5 months of his life, it's been really fucking with all of our heads. I can only imagine what it's like for my brother and sister-in-law. Like, my heart goes out to them. He's going to be fine, I'm sure, it's just like... come on! Give the kid a break! I haven't gotten to visit him yet, but I'm moving about 30 minutes away from them so I hope to get to know him very well and reconnect (connect) with my brother and sister-in-law very soon.

I got food all set, started packing up the bathroom cabinets, got most of it done. Just remembered the mirror has a cabinet, I'm going to have to empty that too. God knows what's even in there, I never open the thing. Then the rest of the night was sorting through a plastic set of storage shelves that hasn't been sorted through since... probably around 2000-02. It's been a bit emotional. Very mixed emotions.

I just finished the bottom shelf which was completely full of pieces of Warhammer models. Like to the brim. I was very into Warhammer for a bit, around freshman or sophomore year of highschool. It brought back a very distinct but distant memory. The kind that I remember very clearly that it happened and fleeting details of it, but I think my mom remembers it clearer than I do. I remember exactly when I stopped playing Warhammer, when I stopped making Warhammer models. I had a project for art class, the only art class I took in highschool. As far as I remember it was one of those end-of-the-semester choose your own project things. I was very inspired to do a diorama of different Warhammer figures, but sorta Frankenstein'd together into new creatures. Like an orc warrior with a boar head. I guess they call those kit-bashes. But yeah, I just really felt pulled in by that, inspired, and really excited to be able to share this passion of mine in an artistic environment where it would be appreciated. And I really could've used some more encouragement to paint them, because I really did have a talent with that and no one really nurtured that, or even really acknowledged it. The art teacher failed me, like failed me out of the class. I feel like I'm making this up because stories like this sound too fucking bullshit to be true but for real, I am a professional artist of over 15 years, with a Bachelor's in Acrylic Painting and I failed high school art class. Oop! Here's the kicker! So on my senior year of college, my old highschool art teacher came to work at my college as a part time teacher. Yikes, was that fucking awkward running into her in the hallways...

So that was a pretty tough memory to uncover. And I'm still working through it. I want to keep the kit pieces. They are completely untouched, it was like unearthing a tomb or something. I had an idea to make a mosaic-style piece where it's all the kit pieces but if you stand back really far it makes a really realistic, impressive image, you know? And call it "This Is Not Art".

That led me here. The shelves are now empty, except the one with all the Warhammer kit pieces and I don't really know where to put them, there are a lot. So I guess I'll get to it in the morning.

Not a ton left to do for the move, pack up my electronics, my art stuff, break down my electric drum kit (which I might do right now just to get it over with), finish the bathroom, and... the big one I've been putting off...

Figure out what to do with all my dog's old stuff. That one is really hard.

See... I'm learning this about myself a lot lately, it makes me very different from most others but it's always been part of me. I think I might be an Animist, of sorts. I really don't like throwing things out, it feels wasteful. I can see in my head a vivid picture of the journey this object is taking, through it's perspective. It goes into a bag, into a truck, into a processing center probably, then carted off to a dump where it sits there forever. It's this whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing that I feel like I just compulsively can't get past, like my brain just goes there. So, sorry in advance for the tear-jerk moment, I look at my recently deceased dog's favorite toys. Then I see them in a dump, rotting in a pile of trash. And it makes me cry. It makes me cry a lot. And I don't want that. I don't want that for my dog, and you know what, I don't want that for the toys. I think the toys deserve a better "life" than that. They deserve to bring a dog joy, it's literally what they were made for.

It makes me very upset how wasteful people can be, and how they arrogantly scoff when you bring it up, and peer pressure you to do the same, and all just because they are anxious or picky or too lazy to learn how to fix something. It's upsetting and a bit embarrassing. But I'm not going to get too deep into that. This mentality of trying to honor and preserve the memory and significance of objects is something that means a lot to me, but has made me a bit of a hoarder. It makes moving very difficult. So that's kinda where I've been with it.

I'll see what I can get done tomorrow, I'm still not sure if this is going to be one or two more trips. I will need to figure that out soon, but I luckily have some more packages coming on sunday and monday, so I have a good reason to pace myself and live out of boxes for a while. Plus, the only people I know at the new place - the Manager and her Assistant - are out of the office until Monday, so if I need noob help like "how do I do Doordash at an apartment complex with keyfob entry? Do they need to page me or something?" "Can I get groceries delivered?" "Where's a good place to eat?" "Will you be my friend forever?" You know, normal stuff like that. I'm going to have to wait until Monday for that anyway. So maybe it's better for me to take it slow and make a bunch of noise while I have the freedom to do so, and get back into the moving groove at the beginning of next week. That's kinda my running plan, we'll see how it plays out.

[totiredtowrite]

Requests open? Bet.

What if Yamaguchi or Hinata(you pick) are trans and no one knows(unless it’s Yamaguchi cuz you know Tsukki knows), and reader is like the big brother of the team(got that laid back personality) so Yamaguchi/Hinata goes to him and is like “hey I got something important to tell you” and tells him that they’re trans but too scared to tell the rest of the team because they think the team won’t except them, readers like “thank you for trusting me” or something like that. Next day reader calls for a meeting and is just casually like “I’m trans.” to show Yamaguchi/Hinata that the team will except them. Tanaka and Noya are like “really bro??” and readers like “yeah man here’s my binder” and Suga and Daichi come over like “YOURE WEARING YOU BINDER DURING PRACTICE???” and readers like “waIT NO ITS A SPORTS BINDER”

idk just thought it was cute

🎆-anon

Trust

Warnings - Mentions of dysphoria, cursing, Female Readers Do Not Interact

Note: *lipbite*

Male Reader

Hinata doesn't get very nervous easily.

He's a huge ball of sunshine, the energy he carries with him comparable to that of Bokuto.

Naturally though, even the most confident of us have to have their low points every now and again.

Hinata actually wasn't so sure why he was here, standing in front of your classroom with shaky hands. True dysphoria was getting kind of bad lately, but the sudden decision to tell one of his teammates was a little much right?

Even so, if he was going to tell anyone, he supposed you were the best option. Seeing as you had no strong opinions about much, you seemed like the easiest to talk to.

Before he could reach up and open the door, it slid open. A girl (very clearly from your class), looked down at Hinata in surprise. Obviously she was wondering what exactly a first year was doing in front of the classroom. "Uh," she laughed awkwardly, "Are you looking for someone?"

Hinata nodded his head so fast she thought he would break something crucial. "Is (l/n) here?" He said it a little louder than intended, but it didn't phase her.

"Oh, yeah he's in there." She steps aside to awkwardly leave his general vicinity and quickly advance down the hallway.

Hinata entered almost instantly after she left, unaware of the few people left in the classroom before darting over to where you were sitting.

It took you a second to notice him standing there. "Oh- Hey little guy," You gave him a lazy smile.

"(L/n) I have something very important to tell you," He spoke in a rushed tone, a bead of sweat dropping from his forehead and his face flushed. You just raised your brows, giving him a nod to continue.

Shoyo stood there, his face scrunched up for a few moments.

"Well, uh, I'm..." He takes a deep breath. "Trans...gender," He got quieter.

You shrug. "Nice. Why'd you tell me first?" You put your notebook in your bag and got up, getting ready to walk to the door. Shoyo followed you, disbelief written all over his face at just how casual you were.

"I dunno, I'm just scared of telling the others," he looks down with a small frown.

"Why?"

"What if they kick me off the team or something?" Hinata nervously fidgeted with his hands.

You pause for a second at the door. "Thanks for telling me little guy," you ruffle his hair. "If you need anything you know where to get a hold of me," you point to your phone with your other hand with a smile.

Hinata nodded, standing still in place as you walked off. That went a lot smoother than he actually expected it to. And a lot faster. He clutched the front of his uniform jacket, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. E for effort though, the shaking didn't really subside. It's so weird how he can still be so nervous even after telling you and getting a good response.

On the bright side though, it felt nice to finally tell someone.

🂠🃑🃁🂱🂡

Random club meetings really weren't all that common. Of course that's why it was a surprise when you called everyone to the gym for something.

Hinata was nervous, again.

It was just a coincidence right? You surely wouldn't out him to the team. Still, an ominous out of the blue meeting the day after he'd come out to you couldn't be a coincidence.

He was nervous all the way there. He found himself clutching the front of his shirt out of habit, his binder suddenly seeming tighter than normal. You wouldn't. There's no way. You're the most calm understanding guy he knows, you'd never out him!

He was starting to drag his steps out slowly, trying to make it to the gym as late as possible. He knows that his fear is unreasoned, but it's hard to stop being afraid once he has it in his head.

He couldn't stall any longer. The door was foreboding by all means, though he couldn't bring himself to ditch. He needed to know what you were going to do.

"(L/nnn)," Hinata heard and recognized Nishinoya instantly. "Why are we here?"

You looked up startled. "Everyone's here?"

Kageyama pointed at Hinata standing in the door wordlessly.

"Oh. Cool." You stood up from where you were seated on the ground, stretching slightly.

"Seriously though, why are we here again?" Ennoshita cocked his head to the side.

"Just thought I'd tell you something," you casually smiled.

Hinata stopped breathing.

"Well? Get on with it," Tsukishima rolled his eyes, pulling his headphones down to let them rest around his neck.

You scoffed at him. "I'm trans."

Tanaka turned to you with wide eyes. You just nod at him. Shoyo blanked. What? There's no way.

Tsukishima scoffed. "This is what you called us here for?"

"Yep," you hit him on the shoulder gently.

Sugawara laughed. "Well you didn't have to be worried."

"I wasn't," you rolled your eyes with a smile.

"Seriously though?" Noya looked at you quizically.

"Again, yeah." You lifted your shirt. "I'm wearing a binder." It was (colour), cut just above your belly button.

Daichi crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "You're wearing a binder during practice?"

You dropped your shirt looking rather scared. "It's a sports binder! Promise! Ehehe," you awkwardly trailed off under Daichi's gaze.

Hinata smiled at you brightly. Any fear or nervousness that had clouded him was gone.

Truth be told, he found it inspiring. You passed so well. If you could do it, he could do it for sure. He stood, (practically surrounded by flowers), as you nervously explained to Daichi that your binder was safe for practice. Maybe he'll come out to the team too. That's going to take some time though.

The simple narrative is that in the end it's his choice to make, as is yours. When the people around you don't make you feel pressured to do anything or say anything, you know you've found some good ones.

Hinata's not going to let any of you go any time soon.

[loki-cees-all]

Oh, boy!! Here we go!! I believe this is the first chapter I didn't have the privelege of reading before you started posting - and I'm so excited! Especially because it seems as though we were starting off with some lovely, delicious snark between Tony and Theo 😍

“I’m Shuri, princess of Wakanda and head of the Wakandan Design Group.” She stuck a hand out to shake, smiling brightly with just a hint of something amusing in her eyes. “Colonizing gave him a big ego, but what he would make is nothing compared to what I can make you.”

Ohhhhh! Shuri to the rescue! Yesss, get him, girl! Fingers crossed for Shuri & Theo becoming best friends forever and ever!

Steve smiled, waving to the trio as they entered. Theo, on the other hand, froze in place, her stomach dropping into her feet. Couldn’t they have picked someone with magic, at least? 

Hmmm. Was Theo hoping to spar with Loki perhaps? I know I would have been - but Steve is a much more interesting choice! I can't wait to see how this goes (for both of them 😂)

The thought of sensors stuck all over her body made her cringe. Of the many roles she expected to fill, lab rat was not one of them.

Ooooooo, interesting! Possible theory - does Theo's past involve unethical, horrifying experiments performed on her? Is that how she got her powers, and why she doesn't like using them?! (Don't feel pressured to answer that btw - I'm having so much fun guessing!)

As she began to place the sensors, she leaned into Theo and whispered, “Kick his ass - I can fix broken white boys.”  Yes, Shuri was her kind of person.

Shuri is THE BEST. Please tell me she's in more chapters!!

“Well, we have an audience.” She repeated with a wry shrug, pointing to the new arrivals with her blade. “Can’t let the new girl disappoint.” Standing in the entrance, Wanda, Bucky, and Loki watched the two spar.

Wanda appeared to be amused by the interaction; Bucky was laughing at Steve, and Loki…  Well, Theo wasn’t sure if he was amused, unimpressed, or bored.

No matter - I love the drama!

At the sensation of a bead of sweat trickling down her temple, Theo grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and yanked it up to dry her skin. As she dropped the fabric, she caught Loki studying her. A sense of curiosity peeked through his piercing gaze, cool green eyes glinting beneath the lights.  Theo wondered what ran through his mind. Was he trying to figure out if she was actually a threat? Or was he more focused on where she came from?

Ohhh, Theo. She's so afraid of being discovered! 😭 I don't know what exactly she's been through just yet, but I want to give her a big ol' hug and then push her into Loki's arms! He'll understand, whatever it is! Just trust him!

A pang of guilt shot up in Theo at the sight of Wanda’s falling face. She could empathize with the pain of rejection; there were countless times when Theo was a little girl when she asked Rae to play with her, but Rae would decline because she was busy with lessons and far too old to play games. Back then, Theo was too small to understand why, but she could still feel how her chest would twist from being turned down.  This, however, was different. Between the appearances at her show, the game, and the invites to hang out, it was obvious that Wanda had ulterior motives. After all, Theo was there when Fury told the Avengers that their mission was to get Theo to stay - and what better way to rope her in than to try and be her friend?

E!! These two paragraphs hurt so much! I feel both of their pain so much. And maybe it's just because I can relate to Wanda so much, but I don't think Wanda has ulterior motives, and she really wants to be friends with Theo? Hopefully?!

The whole scene with Theo at her grandmother's was beautiful too. Love the drama between the cousins, love how supportive and wise her grandmother is. And she's right - things will go a lot smoother for Theo if she would just embrace Loki the Avengers!

Excellent chapter, E! I Can't Wait to read more! (And I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to work my through them!!)

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 5: I'm Looking for a Sign

Summary: Theo begins the onboarding process for becoming an Avenger, and finds some time to sneak away.

Author's Notes: Sorry this is so late in the day! It has been a hectic weekend. This chapter (and the next) really focus on Theo, so there isn't much Loki... but he will be back soon!

If you enjoy, please reblog!! I'm a lil' blog (less than 100 followers, haha) and reblogs really help me out <3 Also, feel free to send me a message or comment if you want to be added to the tag list.

Next chapter should be coming November 12th!

Content Warnings: Canon-typical fighting (there's a training session).

Word Count: 5,525

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Good to Be Alive - PVRIS

Learning how to swim but the lands are dry Feeling like a shark, If I stop I'll die Things are lit and the blood's on fire Underneath the buzz of the telephone wire All my friends are doing fine While I’m looking for a sign Is this body even mine? Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

Onboarding with the Avengers was akin to drinking from a firehose.

Every waking moment was full - between orientation at the SHIELD Hospital, procedural trainings, mission briefings, and combat simulations, Theo hardly had a moment to breathe, much less think.

Either way, Theo had no interest in showing that the rapid pace was throwing her off her game. Instead, she bit her tongue and kept her wits about her, vigilant for even the slightest indication that something was amiss. Theo wouldn’t speak unless spoken to, and if spoken to she gave the impression of polite compliance - now that she was in the thick of things, stirring the pot would only make it harder to get this over with.

However, there was one element which she protested… Despite her insistence otherwise, part of Theo’s onboarding required being equipped with new armor. 

She hadn’t needed armor before, so it seemed silly. If anything, she needed clothes that let her move freely and without detection. However, Fury insisted that Theo needed additional protection in the event that her magic wasn’t enough. The result was Theo, standing in Tony Stark’s lab, regretting every decision that led her to that moment as the overly smug engineer combed over her appearance with a shit eating grin.

“So, Rapunzel-” Tony leaned back against a table in his lab, crossing his arms. “I hear you need some armor.”

“That depends on who you ask.” Theo’s eyes scanned the room as she crossed her arms, leaning her weight on one foot. “Fury sure thinks so. I’m not convinced.”

It seemed like a standard engineering lab. A mixture of concrete, steel, and glass surrounded them, while harsh lights glared down from above. Scattered around the lab were more computers and machines than anyone knew what to do with, and various employees mulling about as they worked on assorted tasks. One person sautered metal, while another ran tests on what Theo could only assume was the newest rendition of Tony’s infamous suit. Clattering keys, clanking metal, and multiple beeps echoed throughout the sterile space. A metallic smell, tinged with chemicals and burning filled the air.

“Well, that’s where I come in.” Tony winked, picking up some kind of glass tablet and waving it at her. “If you ask nicely, I might even let you customize it.” 

Theo rolled her eyes. “Asking you nicely sounds like too much work.”

“Don’t listen to him.” A woman appeared from around the corner, walking up to the pair with a swagger and a blinding smile that contrasted her umber skin. Her braided hair was twisted up into space buns, which combined with her brightly colored outfit made it painfully obvious just who Theo was speaking to. “I’ll make you better armor, and I’ll let you add whatever features you want without having to ask.” 

Shuri Udaku, the princess of Wakanda. 

For the first time that Theo could remember, she was, officially, starstruck.

“We haven’t officially met…” Theo offered a wry smile and nod to the princess, doing her best to keep her cool.

“I’m Shuri, princess of Wakanda and head of the Wakandan Design Group.” She stuck a hand out to shake, smiling brightly with just a hint of something amusing in her eyes. “Colonizing gave him a big ego, but what he would make is nothing compared to what I can make you.”

Theo couldn’t stifle the laugh that bubbled out of her from the dig at Tony.

“Oh, I like you. I’m Theo.” She took Shuri’s hand, offering a firm shake while praying her hands weren’t too sweaty.

Tony pouted, giving Shuri a dirty look; Shuri smirked at him.

“So what does this armor making process entail?” Theo glanced between the pair, waiting for further instruction.

“First, we’ll have you spar with one of our guys; get a sense for your style. From there, we’ll draw up a base set. You’ll give it a trial run, push the boundaries so we can see what works and what needs adjusting.” Tony explained, watching Theo as she continued observing her surroundings. “Then, we’ll make a final version.”

“Okay…” Given Shuri’s comments on building better armor, Theo suspected Shuri wasn’t her partner. Then again, it didn’t look like anyone there was ready to practice fighting - certainly none of the lab staff, who all but ignored Theo’s presence. Maybe she would be fighting Tony or one of his robots? 

“Okay what?” Tony tapped on the tablet a few times.

“Am I sparring now?” Theo raised her eyebrows at him expectantly as she shrugged, glancing around the room. “I don’t see anyone who looks like they’re ready to fight, much less a space to fight in. Unless you want me to break your equipment, which is probably pretty expensive… Then again, you’re the Avengers’ Sugar Daddy. It’s probably pocket change for you to replace these.”

Shuri snorted at Theo’s comment.

“You’re not fighting here.” Tony rolled his eyes, pressing away from the table and gesturing for Theo to follow. “We have a training lab. Your partner will meet you there.”  

That explained why she was told to come to the lab in clothes she could exercise in. Theo trailed behind, almost having to jog in order to keep up with Tony. “Who am I sparring against?”

Tony stopped in front of a door, pressing some sort of code into a keypad on the wall. The door hissed as it slid open, revealing none other than Captain America himself. 

Oh shit.

Steve smiled, waving to the trio as they entered. Theo, on the other hand, froze in place, her stomach dropping into her feet. Couldn’t they have picked someone with magic, at least? 

“He’ll go easy on you to start.” Tony winked, turning to lead them into another room. 

Theo’s face must have betrayed her reaction - this was not going to go well, but not for the reason Tony Stark thought. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Theo gulped, eyes darting between the others.

“We’ll start simple.” Steve reassured her, following along with the group.

Fury must have held back on explaining Theo’s abilities if he was so calm about their impending duel.

The room that Tony brought them to was empty, save for a collection of cameras around the room and a table filled with sheets of stickers, each no larger than a pea. Mats covered the floor, presumably so that anyone who went down fighting was less likely to be hurt. 

Cute, but a few mats weren’t going to be much help when it came to fighting a mage.

“So, how this works: the cameras will track your motion.” After gesturing to cameras around the room, Tony held up a sheet of stickers. ”These will be stuck to you so we can get a sense of your movements. You fight, then we use the data to design your gear.” 

The thought of sensors stuck all over her body made her cringe. Of the many roles she expected to fill, lab rat was not one of them.

Fury fucking owed her for this. 

“Oh joy...” Theo sighed, resigning herself to her fate. “Fine, let’s do this.”

Shuri brushed past Tony, grabbing the sensors. “I will handle this - I have just the touch.” She smirked at Theo. As she began to place the sensors, she leaned into Theo and whispered, “Kick his ass - I can fix broken white boys.” 

Yes, Shuri was her kind of person.

Theo snickered, but held still so Shuri could continue placing sensors. Shuri made quick work of the task, her touch gentle but firm as she secured each device to Theo’s skin.

Once all the sensors were in place, they were ready to begin. 

“In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve never ‘just sparred’ before.” Theo spoke up, circling around Steve. 

She absolutely had sparred before - hundreds of times. But this way, if she accidentally went too far, she had an excuse. Besides, Steve didn’t have magic, and only fought with a shield.

Really, this was not a fair fight.

“I’m durable, don’t worry.” Steve offered a charming smile. “I can do this all day.”

Theo shook her head, gesturing with one hand to conjure her weapon. Runes slid down her arm, twisting around each other in the air until a blade of shadow appeared in her hand. “I’ve dulled my weapon so it’s not going to slice you open, at least.”

“Awfully kind,” Steve winked, lowering himself into a ready stance. “Ladies first.”

Well, here goes nothing.

Theo took a deep breath, stepping forward and offering the first swing. 

Steve leapt back, darting forward to attempt a blow of his own. 

Theo nimbly jumped to the side, swinging her blade down and landing clean on Steve’s back.

As Steve was knocked to the ground he spun around, attempting to kick out Theo’s feet from beneath her.

Theo leapt over his kick, pressing forward to a somersault in time to pop up and block a punch, taking another swing with her blade.

The two fell into a rhythm of trading blows. Steve certainly had his merits as a fighter - if they were in hand-to-hand combat, he easily could have kicked her ass. But this wasn’t hand to hand combat - Theo had her weapon to give her some distance, and if nothing else she was damn good at dodging anything and everything that attempted to hurt or kill her.

If this was all that was involved, she could do this all day… Well, as long as her lungs held up okay. 

“Are you going to use any of your magic?” Steve grunted, dodging a blow from Theo as he kicked at her.

“I try to only use it against other magic users.” Theo replied, bringing her blade down to block the kick. 

As if he took Theo’s response as a challenge, Steve picked up the pace. Still, Theo had yet to break a sweat. What she lacked in brute strength, she more than made up for in endurance and agility. 

The sensation of being watched by someone new led Theo to do a scan of her surroundings as she blocked a punch from Steve. 

Her instinct was spot on - not just one person, but three new people. Maybe it was a bit of ego, or a flair for the dramatic, but if there was a larger audience… Well, Theo could show off a little bit and it wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

“It seems we have an audience…” Theo commented, tumbling backwards before teleporting behind Steve and hitting him from behind.

“I thought you didn’t use magic against non-magic users.” Steve coughed, then spun around to find her smirking at him. 

Steve threw a punch, only to have it go right through her - it was an illusion. He frantically scanned the room again to find Theo leaning up against the wall, arms crossed as she dangled her sword from her right hand.

“Well, we have an audience.” She repeated with a wry shrug, pointing to the new arrivals with her blade. “Can’t let the new girl disappoint.”

Standing in the entrance, Wanda, Bucky, and Loki watched the two spar. Wanda appeared to be amused by the interaction; Bucky was laughing at Steve, and Loki… 

Well, Theo wasn’t sure if he was amused, unimpressed, or bored.

“Alright, so this should get interesting now, right?” Steve turned to face Theo again, straightening up and squaring his shoulders.

“Perhaps.” Theo kept a straight face as she pushed off the wall, preparing for Steve’s next move.

“Theo, remember what I said – I can fix broken white boys!” Shuri jeered.

A smirk flickered across Theo’s lips. 

Bucky doubled over, howling with laughter as Steve let out a huff.

As long as she stuck to the celestial magic, she’d be fine. 

Steve rushed towards her.

Adrenaline rushed through Theo’s veins. It had been a while since she’d really had a chance to show what she could do; the prospect of flexing her skills felt almost liberating.

No, she needed to keep it under wraps. 

Singing under her breath, a wisp of white shot through her sword. Once Theo stopped, the melody continued to reverberate from the blade, haunting yet almost impossible to hear.

Steve launched forward to throw a blow, but Theo was too quick - she spun and took him down from behind with the hilt of the sword.

“Is your sword singing?” 

“Magicians don’t reveal their secrets,” Theo winked. She jumped back, curling her fingers to gesture for Steve to come get her.

Steve rushed forward, only to find himself shocked with cosmic energy. What the-?” He froze mid-motion, dropping to the ground. “

Shit.

“I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” Theo dryly inquired, cocking her head to the side.

That was too strong.

“Well, it wasn’t pleasant…” Steve shook his head, staggering briefly before he returned to his feet. “It’s fine - I can do this all day.”

Yeah, that was stronger than it should have been. But why?

“Sorry, I’ll try to temper it a bit,” Theo apologized, while praying it wasn’t obvious that she used more than she intended.

“Don’t go easy on me.” Regaining his composure, Steve resumed charging at her and throwing blows. Theo took a more defensive approach, focusing solely on dodging blows instead of doing damage while she tried to figure out what made her spell so potent.

“Not to be weird, but what phase is the moon in right now?” Theo tried to make the question as casual as possible, hoping it would come off as small talk and nothing more.

“Don’t tell me you do that horoscope shit.” Tony groaned from the sideline.

“There’s nothing wrong with horoscopes, grandpa.” Theo feigned offense, but she was grateful for Tony’s ignorance as to why she might ask the question. “Besides, Astrology is more real than the stock market.”

Shuri snorted.

“It’s a new moon tonight,” Wanda answered. Theo glanced over to catch the Scarlet Witch staring at her phone, lips pursed as she studied whatever was on the screen.

Well, that explained the magic surge.

“Good to know.” Theo kept a casual tone to her voice, rhythmically moving as she dodged and parried Steve’s attacks.

They sparred for another few minutes; Theo continued to stay away from offensive spells, but occasionally threw in an illusion or teleported so they wouldn’t suspect anything. Even if she wasn’t giving them the best data to build her gear with, she wasn’t going to pull out all the stops until it was actually necessary.

Besides, she didn’t really need the armor in the first place.

“Alright Rapunzel, I think we’ve got enough data to start.” Tony announced, tapping the screen of his tablet with a flourish..

Steve dropped his offensive stance, straightening up while he caught his breath.

“Good match.” The friendly smile Steve flashed indicated that he didn’t seem too upset about being shocked.

“Likewise.” Theo returned the nod as her shadow blade vanished. 

All in all, it wasn’t the most intense workout she’d ever had, but she did get a bit sweaty and was a little out of breath. Maybe Steve was stronger than she gave him credit for. After all, he was a super soldier. 

Then again, she assumed that fighting a super soldier would require enough exertion to make her asthma flare up; given she was still breathing alright, perhaps he also went easy on her.

Whatever - she wasn’t going to dwell on the subject.

Shuri returned to help remove the sensors.

“You held back on him.” She raised an eyebrow at Theo, sending the sorceress a pointed glance before stepping behind Theo to remove the sensors on her back.

Unsure of how else to respond, Theo simply shrugged. “I don’t need to add to my body count.”

Shuri sighed, skepticism written on her features as she leaned around Theo to set the sensors on the table. Perhaps the princess had a better sense of Theo’s powers than she let on. “I told you, I can fix broken white boys.” 

Yeah, but she couldn’t fix a pile of dust.

“I don’t think killing Captain America would be a good way to start my tenure as an Avenger…” Theo raised a challenging brow.

Shuri laughed; apparently she thought it was a joke. Theo offered a thin smile.

“One of these days I will get you down here and test you without limits so I can design you the ultimate armor.” Shuri chided, though she still smiled at the newcomer.

Theo offered a curt nod. “Maybe.”

Shuri’s expression told Theo that she took the answer as a challenge.

At the sensation of a bead of sweat trickling down her temple, Theo grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and yanked it up to dry her skin. As she dropped the fabric, she caught Loki studying her. A sense of curiosity peeked through his piercing gaze, cool green eyes glinting beneath the lights. 

Theo wondered what ran through his mind. Was he trying to figure out if she was actually a threat? Or was he more focused on where she came from?

Once the sensors were off, Theo started towards the door. She had no interest in socializing, plus she wanted nothing more than to shower and wash the sticky, gritty sweat off her skin. 

“Hey Theo, we’re about to head to dinner - do you want to come?”

Enthusiasm colored Wanda’s voice; when Theo turned to face the witch she found Wanda smiling hesitantly, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie.

“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m going to pass,” Theo feigned an interest in the invite, even as she turned it down. “I’m still getting settled in and all.” 

A pang of guilt shot up in Theo at the sight of Wanda’s falling face. She could empathize with the pain of rejection; there were countless times when Theo was a little girl when she asked Rae to play with her, but Rae would decline because she was busy with lessons and far too old to play games. Back then, Theo was too small to understand why, but she could still feel how her chest would twist from being turned down. 

This, however, was different. Between the appearances at her show, the game, and the invites to hang out, it was obvious that Wanda had ulterior motives. After all, Theo was there when Fury told the Avengers that their mission was to get Theo to stay - and what better way to rope her in than to try and be her friend?

Rather than dwell on the matter, she offered a small wave and hurried out of the lab.

This could not be over fast enough.

Lost big dreams that I really don't need Everything I love is gonna find a way to leave Got good friends that I never can see Always on the run while my plans are free I been staying up all night Shaking needles out my spine But the doctor says I'm fine Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

Living on-site was a non-negotiable of the deal (much to Theo’s dismay), but she had to admit it was convenient - she never had to worry about shit going down on the subway when her workplace was an elevator ride away. 

Regardless of where she actually lived, there was one thing she needed to do before anything else: set up a portal to her Mémère’s house. The ritual of creating one long-term portal was tedious, but once set up the long-term portal’s convenience far outweighed the nuisance. Theo visited the family’s matriarch often enough that having a travel method faster than public transit was a necessity, especially with the distance between them. After all, it wasn’t like she had the time to fly back and forth between northern Michigan and New York every weekend.

Creating the portal wasn’t hard; the big challenge was figuring out where to put it. She didn’t want it in her bedroom, since Mémère and Max occasionally used the portals she set up to come visit and the last thing she needed was for them to walk in on her in any number of compromising positions. However, she didn’t want to set it in a location where people would question why she had a misty oval in her wall. After an unnecessary amount of debate, she opted to place it along one of the walls in her main room and take advantage of some well-placed curtains to hide the addition.

With the portal in place, it was time for a field trip.

The crisp air of northern Michigan was a far cry from New York’s heavy, thick skies. It was easier to breathe - not just because there was a lot less pollution, which was notable for someone like Theo, whose lungs were sensitive to smog - but because the nearly silent, still world around her made it easier for the tension to melt from her shoulders and to relax with each inhale and exhale. Michigan was the opposite of New York City, a constantly bustling metropolis where it was all too easy to get lost in the shuffle. 

Theo stepped through the portal to find herself in her grandmother’s equipment shed. That was intentional - no one would think to look there for a portal. Weaving between the farm equipment, she pushed the worn wooden door open and stepped outside. 

Around her, the evergreens that towered above swayed in the breeze, wind whispering through the branches. In front of her stood the farmhouse, with white weathered siding, wide windows, and a wraparound porch that Theo had spent countless nights sitting on. To her left, a worn path led from the porch down to a small beach with a dock, while the waves of Lake Superior lapped up on the shore. She didn’t have to look behind her to know an old, worn out barn stood in its same place, though it had been years since any animals were kept inside.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted two vehicles parked along the dirt drive - a red pickup truck and a green subaru outback.

Max must have been visiting.

Theo crossed the distance and ascended onto the porch, approached the front door, gripped the worn brass door knob and turned the handle, pushing her way inside.

“Hello?” Poking her head inside, Theo glanced around the living room to find it empty. She stepped inside, closed the door, and toed off her shoes. The sound of clattering dishes echoed from the kitchen, while two voices floated above in animated conversation.

“Ah, my bichette!” A raspy voice called out, followed by the shuffling of feet. Just before Theo reached the hallway, a petite elderly woman appeared. 

Mémère had seen more than her fair share of life in her many years on Earth, and it showed. Her tan, papery skin held deep wrinkles and age spots dotted themselves across her cheeks and forehead. In the almost fifteen years since Theo had left for college, the matriarch of the Durand family had aged considerably - every time Theo saw her, she swore that Mémère shrunk another inch. Mémère moved considerably slower than in the past, undoubtedly her advanced age catching up to her. Still, she had a bright spark in her amber eyes and a sharp wit that could not be deterred. 

“Hi Mémère,” Theo greeted, embracing her grandmother. Though it had only been a week or so since they’d last been together, it seemed like the elderly woman’s bones were even more prominent, jutting into Theo’s flesh as they hugged. “I saw Max’s car outside - is he here too?”

“Of course I am.” Max appeared over Mémère’s shoulder, arching an eyebrow at his older cousin. “One of us has to keep things in order while you’re off playing superhero.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like–”

“Now now, I do not need you two squabbling to take up my Saturday,” Mémère said, pointedly glaring at the cousins before gesturing for everyone to enter the kitchen. “You both are doing wonderful things, and I’m happy to have you both home. I’ll put some coffee on and we can all catch up. Leenie, have you had lunch? I don’t have many options at the moment, but I can make sandwiches.”

“You’re not going to ask if I’ve had lunch?” Max scoffed, to which Mémère rolled her eyes. 

“My caneton, you’ve been here all morning. I know you haven’t had lunch.”

“Sandwich sounds lovely.” Theo answered, trying not to laugh at Max’s feigned offense.

As they stepped into the kitchen, everything was familiar - the same butcher block countertops, the same painted cabinets. Holiday cards were stuck to the fridge with magnets, and a picture of Theo at her college graduation still hung on the door. Things were so much simpler then.

“So, tell us all about your first days as an Avenger - are you settling in? Have you made any friends?” Mémère gave her a knowing wink, making her way to grab sandwich meat and cheese from the fridge. Theo retrieved plates out of the cabinet, setting them on the counter. 

Theo couldn’t stop herself from laughing at Mémère’s questions. “I’m not really there to make friends, Mémère.”

“No, but you have to live and work with them.” Even if she moved a bit slower than she did ten years ago, Mémère was still sharp enough to pick up on Theo’s unspoken hesitations. “You’d be smart to befriend them, or you may be miserable for the foreseeable future.” 

Sure, Mémère was probably right, but Theo was not about to admit that aloud.

“How are you handling things out here?” Theo changed the subject. “The shed looks like it’s seen better days.”

“Oh, things are fine - Max comes by almost daily to help with things around the farm; he also helps with running errands and such.” Mémère waved a hand dismissively, while Max gave Theo a shit eating grin. “Father Tim - you remember him - he’s also around a lot to help with things.”

Surprisingly, Max did not interject with some snarky comment.

Theo nodded. “And you’ve been okay, health-wise?”

Mémère smiled, though Theo picked up a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I’m fine, bichette. Still kicking. Still here to tease you endlessly.”

Theo laughed softly, shaking her head. “I can’t imagine you doing anything else...”

A silence fell in the room as the final condiments were set out on the countertop.

“This is less fancy than the restaurants you probably go to in New York, but hopefully it still tastes good.” Mémère joked, gesturing to the spread of sandwich toppings. “I’ll let you build your own, so it’s just how you want.”

Theo laughed. “Just because I agreed to join the Avengers doesn’t mean I now scoff at a sandwich.”

While Theo and Max put their sandwiches together, Mémère made sure they each had a cup of coffee poured and at the table. Once the trio assembled their meals, they each took their regular chairs at the kitchen table.

“What have you done so far?”

“Nothing exciting, really.” Theo palmed the ceramic mug in front of her, eyes following the curls of steam as they floated upward. “A lot of onboarding crap. I was supposed to spar with Captain America and that was, uh, interesting. Next week I’m supposed to start doing interviews and shit, but I don’t really get why I’d waste my time with those when I have actual work to do.”

“Told you, playing superhero.” Max interjected, to which Theo scowled.

“I don’t think it’s a waste.” Mémère mused. “Now the world can learn of your gifts. You’ve spent far too long trying to conceal them.”

Mémère always thought the best of Theo, and that went for her magic as well. Despite disagreeing, Theo gave up on trying to convince her otherwise a long time ago.

“Are they gifts?” Theo pondered, studying the barn through the window panes. “There are a lot of people who think they’re curses.”

“They are what you choose to make them.” Mémère reminded her granddaughter. “You’ve chosen to make them gifts, to use them to help people.”

Theo nodded, though she didn’t entirely agree with Mémère’s assessment. She knew Max probably didn’t agree either. The council certainly didn’t.

“How’s work, Max?” Theo tried to change the subject. 

“It’s fine.” Max paused to take a bite of his sandwich. “No complaints.”

“And Ellie, Katie? How are they?”

“Good. Katie’s daycare is now preparing her to start preschool.”

Theo nearly dropped her coffee cup at the news.

“Seriously? She’s a toddler.”

“She’s three, and she’s way ahead of her developmental milestones. The staff think it’s a good idea. Ellie agrees. She’s a pediatrician, so it’s her job to know that kind of stuff.” Max shrugged as if he was completely unaffected by the prospect of his child starting preschool.

“This is what happens when two doctors have a baby, I guess.” Theo muttered to herself. 

Theo may have been the one in the Avengers, but Max was always the responsible and cautious one. It was pretty common for the council members to lament that Theo was the next in line - they claimed it was because she was a loose cannon and unpredictable; that wasn’t the real reason, but none of them would admit the truth to Theo or Mémère’s faces. Still, they weren’t wrong when they pointed out that Max was steadfast and rational. He naturally embodied the characteristics of a wise leader.

Maybe that’s why he was so pissy about her accepting the Avengers gig - until that point, Theo was the one living in Max’s shadow.

Mémère must have sensed the tension between cousins, because she took over the conversation from there. Even if things between Theo and Max were always tense, conversation with Mémère came easily. Beyond trying to catch up on what had happened in Michigan since Theo’s last visit, Mémère had plenty of her own questions about Theo’s transition to being an Avenger. 

Even if they weren’t Theo’s favorite questions, she owed Mémère real answers.

Once they finished their sandwiches, Theo stood and collected the dirty plates, bringing them to the sink so she could wash them.

“How long are you visiting for?” Mémère asked, still sitting at the table.

“Just the afternoon - figured I’d use my first moment of free time since starting to see how things were here, plus grab some stuff to bring back with me.” Theo said, letting out a sigh. “I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving, so I imagine I don’t have long before they start looking for me. They’re kind of obsessive like that.”

“Well, you know where your room is - It’s always ready, whenever you need it. Feel free to head up whenever.”

Given Theo could hardly sneak away for an afternoon, she found it hard to imagine she’d need the bed anytime soon.

Setting the last plate on the drying rack, Theo made her way upstairs. Over all the years she had been here, the whole house had barely changed - same furniture, same photos, same faded wallpaper covering the walls. Her feet carried her down the hall, almost on autopilot as she made her way to her old bedroom. Standing in front of the entrance, Theo took a deep breath, turned the knob and opened the door. 

Inside, the room was still a breath of fresh air - pale yellow walls, big windows with sheer curtains. A queen size bed with a patchwork quilt sat in one corner; one of Theo’s old guitars from when she was here before remained in another corner. Her old Van Gogh poster was still on the wall above her dresser.

Despite remaining exactly as she left it, there was no dust to be found - Mémère must have cleaned the room while she was gone.

She always kept the room ready in case Theo needed to come home.

Theo’s heart twisted at the thought. It was almost enough for her to say “fuck it” and stay – at least for one night. After all, it had been a long time since she actually visited for more than a day or two, and the Avengers needed her, not the other way around; she could make them wait.

However, her cell phone quickly reminded her that wasn’t an option.

“Anyone seen Rapunzel?” The Avengers group chat lit up.

Theo rolled her eyes, but replied anyway.  “Visiting a friend. Be back later.”

Whether she wanted to or not, Theo knew - the show must go on.

So tied up and tired of this self-inflicted fight In spite of, I light up, to leave my demons I tell myself I'm fine while I'm looking for a sign Is this body even mine? Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

[haydewan]

Please watch this and tell me what you think about

https://cinematicsstuff.tumblr.com/post/690782439092764672/boyfriends-bestfriends-sending-coded-messages-to

Also, for Ewan touching his wedding ring during other solo interviews, I wonder if he's not doing it with Hayden in mind.

I may be crazy, but I also wonder if Ewan's marriage to Mary Elizabeth winstead isn't a PR stunt to hide Ewan and Hayden's marriage ?

I know it's a bit crazy, but I can't help wondering, especially since, when the Obi-Wan Kenobi series was released, Lucas Film offered a product: two alliances, one being that of Obiwan and the other that of Darth Vader. Yes, it's probably to promote the series, but I wonder if it wasn't a way for the team behind Lucas Film to show that they support them?

I'm probably going to far away but well, I can't help it 😅

Well hello there! Thank you for your kind words, I very much appreciate it☺️

Here are my thoughts:

The touchy-touchy

I’m 99.99% sure that’s a bracelet Briar made for him, it’s colourful, vibrant, childish, with beads and stuff, very handmade look. I’m not an expert in body language, so I tend to not read too much into it and I don’t think most of the movements have any specific intentional meaning. I’m sure everyone does this from time to time, like I’ve been wearing a Marvel-related necklace for years, sometimes I touch it and think: “Wow, I really love this necklace”, but other times I touch just to adjust it or make sure it’s in the right place. Still, I could be wrong. Maybe it’s not my area of expertise, I’m just a simple gal trying to make my way in the fandom. Don’t rule out any possibility tho, however small it might be.

The PR stunt

I don’t know a lot about how Hollywood PR works exactly, but this one doesn’t look like one to me. From the “reality point of view”, it started long before he and Hayden reconnected, then got really ugly really quick, it was an utter disaster. But again, if it really were a stunt, wouldn’t it be a bit too much to add a shared child into an already complicated chaos? I mean with all the property and custody issues, that’s too high of a cost and stake so it wouldn’t make much sense. One thing I find really interesting tho is Hayden was in LA on April 21, just before the wedding(April 23), I wonder if he got invited👀

Also, the Kenobi press tour basically started right after the wedding and the first two stops were Germany and UK, which made it look like a European honeymoon for these two. Now that I think about it, this theory actually makes an awesome fanfic idea, I’ve never thought this way but it could totally work!🤯

The rings

I would very much like to meet the genius designer who thought “Obi-Wan and Darth Vader themed wedding bands, what a great idea!” Unfortunately, this is just another co-branding strategy to promote the show and sell more merchandises. If anything, Lucasfim was merely showing support for Obikin/Vaderwan, not the actors, otherwise both their agencies would have to pay Disney and Lucasfilm huge money to do so. Sorry if I come off as negative and disappointing, but the corporation is all business, like the Kenobi-inspired vehicles collaborated by LFL and Volkswagen(VW sponsored the show), they even got Doug Chiang to spend six weeks designing it and had Ewan over to visit their factory in Wolfsburg.

The Vanity Fair interview

Here you go, you must’ve read it before. It’s one of, if not my most favourite interview ever. It uses their real-life relationship as the entry point, weaving together the developing process of the show and the character dissections, bit by bit, tells the story of how they reunited and returned to the characters, so beautifully written and full of small details, it’s like the wildest dream come true.

[wolves-in-the-world]

while I'm still deciding exactly what kind of brainrot to give my immediately-post-moreau eliot in this unshareable fic, I'm pretty sure about:

1- the realisation, months into being in the clear and on the run with moreau very definitely dead behind him, that he didn't stop drinking beer for his own reasons. he's staring into the fridge at some shitty bottles of beer in this shitty little shop realising that he actually misses it. it's harder than it should be to talk himself into buying some.

as soon as he gets back to the current safehouse (more like home than it should be, really, for all that they hadn't planned to stay there long) he finds the closest thing to a respectable sports channel on the television and sits down and opens one up and forces himself to go through the steps of what he used to enjoy. he feels like someone's watching over his shoulder the entire time.

it gets easier, with practice.

2- he genuinely thinks he's someone who doesn't like jewellery. he's had bigger things to focus on, alright? he's wondering if he made a mistake leaving chapman and the others alive, he's tying himself into knots trying to work out if he's betraying everything he held dear travelling with moreau's killer and letting them feel safe enough to even sleep in the same room as him, he's trying to figure out what he wants from his career - and what he can expect from it now - and he's baking a lot of bread.

and he just looks right past the leather cuffs and braided bracelets and clever little beads he passes in market stalls. they're just Not Him.

it takes him having to stop by a safehouse he hasn't properly used since his PMC days. he sweeps the place and finds himself staring into the top drawer of the bedside table at the metal thumb ring that was shiny when he had to leave there in a hurry seven, eight years ago.

he picks it up and brushes off the dust and thinks: oh.

3- he has to be reminded that he has agency and options. he's taken down an old enemy and is about to kill them entirely on autopilot when there's a sharp voice and his companion looking at him like eliot, I won't stop you, but do you actually want to do that?

and he kind of has to wake up. he kind of has to wake himself up several times a day, sometimes, because there's no-one holding his leash now. he has to do that himself. he has to actively take it back out of a dead man's hands, over and over, because he made the decision to leave and he did that for a reason.

it's difficult to remember the reason, sometimes. but he buys beer and he gets the thumb ring cleaned up and it's something, a reminder of his decision, a reminder of the person toby saw good in.

it's something.

[luna-writes-stuff]

Hi! I love your blog and would like to ask for th or lotr matchup :3

And I apologize for the mistakes, English is not my first language.

I'm hetero demiromantic female

I adore mythology and history, especially medieval and ancient. I also write poetry and love creative writing, draw and design (I am fashion and jewelry design student).  People around me often say that from the outside I seem gloomy and arrogant, although I consider myself a very simple and friendly person. But I have problems with social skills and emotional understanding and most of the time I look tired because SLEEP IS FOR WHIMPS RIGHT so that might be the reason why :'D

I am quite calm and straightforward (and absolutely unable to read the atmosphere, which is why I can say something unnecessary). I may unconsciously be rude, but I try to keep track of it, and then I am always ashamed. I'm also the kind of person who shows affection by sarcasm. I'm very VERY introverted and silent at first, which can make it hard for even the most persistent extrovert to pull me out of the shell only to find out I'm just a running joke and very talkative (especially if someone mentions my hyperfixations, it will be impossible to shut me up)

Most of all I value respect for personal boundaries, both mine and others. Stingy with the expression of emotions and prefer to express affection in the form of care and attention, but my emotional dryness and sarcastic nature often goes sideways to me despite this.

You mentioned that looks can be useful, sooo I'm 5'7, with long dark hair and very pale skin (I've been compared to a vampire a couple of times lol), and I usually look like either a softie or a punk witch, there no in between

Wish you a good day✨

The Hobbit, Thorin Oakenshield:

- Let’s start with the fact that jewelry goes greatly appreciated by dwarves, as they not only forge them, but decorate themselves with it as well. Having an s/o who studied jewelry itself makes Thorin so proud. As a king, he has quite the status to uphold, and knowing that his partner knows so much about something so little makes him incredibly proud. He is always complimenting your work and nearly begs you to make him new beads every once in a while. He cannot get enough of the things you create.

- Now, Thorin is busy himself and often forgets to sleep or eat. He, however, does not let you forget. He holds you very close and dear to his heart and he would hate for you to pick up unhealthy habits (as he does). He will stop his work earlier, getting into bed with you to make sure you actually fall asleep. When you are busy as he tries to get you into bed, he will lay his head on your lap or wrap his arms around your waist, tracing light circles on your stomach. He also enjoys toying with your hair, knowing you like it. After all that work, he can you truly say no to him. Worse case scenario; he will actually throw you onto the bed and hold you tightly so you can’t escape. But you will get that sleep.

- Thorin is a very caring and emotional person, though he does not always let it show. As stated; he cares deeply for you and values your needs and requests. He is not talkative himself, but - be that as it may - he loves hearing your rants and speeches. He knows exactly what you like and dislike and will ask about them when he notices a shift in your mood. Your little ramblings are what he loves most about you. His entire day is filled with boring meeting and stupid talks. He needs someone to tell him about something he might not ever use or need for the rest of his life. Something to remind him that he can have some even, even as he is a king. A lot of nights are spend in bed while you talk about your day or rant about something that happened. He’ll drag you into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around you as he lets out an occasional hum or question to let you know he’s still listening.

——

Lord of the Rings, Aragorn:

- I think Aragorn would be most intrigued by mythologies from every other Tolkien character. While he is a ranger, and is relatively old, he knows much of travels and languages. Though his charm and speech are great, he fails to somehow recognize certain standards and stories if they are not explained to him. He is a very quick learner though. He enjoys listening to you telling him tales of old, as mythological stories intervene with some of them. He finds himself in awe of them. He even carries a small notebook with him so he can write down quick little notes of stories he truly enjoys. Just to have something to look back on when he’s traveling.

- As I said; Aragorn had a certain charm; he knows what to say and what to do. Whenever you lash out, or say something unnecessary, he will silently let you know you are ranting again, as he covers for you in the most creative ways, just so you won’t get that embarrassed about it afterwards. He knows how worked up you can get over these things, so he will do his best to go along with what you said, before subtly changing the subject, giving you time to recover as he carries the rest of the conversation. No one ever notices it when it happens, so it saves your dignity and it lets you know Aragorn is there to cover for you when things go sideways.

- Prides himself on your writings, especially the poetry. You often write with him in Rivendell. Both of you will be seated outside on a balcony as he comes to rest from his travels and you start writing your own things. His head is on your shoulder as he occasionally peeks at the pages, even though you mostly tell him when you’ve written something you are excited about. Not much is spoken during these moments, but he would not have it any other way. A moment of rest is rare for him, so he takes great care at remembering all the little details from that night. Leave him the poem you’ve written that evening and you made his whole week. In the book where he writes down the mythological stories, he also keeps the little poetry notes with a bit of tape. It is his slice of you when he’s missing you. It is very dear to him.

——