#sh:kelsey

[honeyjars-sims]

3.25 The Arrival

Once the desks arrive for the new work area, I get to work on setting it all up (well, me and a few interns). Lacey helps when she has time, if only to make sure I'm presenting the right aesthetic, which apparently is pretty important when choosing decor for your work station. I think I did pretty good.

We're excited to see that our break area is part of the revamp as well. Right now things seem pretty empty as it's just been me and Lacey in our area until the new staff members arrive. Oh, and Lucy, too, since she has a new office.

But that's all set to change because the new staff is set to arrive any minute now. I'm in Lucy's office and she's filling me in on what I need to know before they get here.

“Damien has always been interested in creating a student program,” she explains. 

“But we already have interns,” I respond, confused.

“We do, but this goes beyond what you’d find in a typical internship,” she replies. “This is part of a collaboration with Del Sol University to help students earn credits and gain some on the job experience at the same time. Plus there's the possibility of being offered a full-time position once they graduate.”

“That sounds like a good opportunity. What exactly will they be doing?”

“A little bit of everything. They’ll learn things in every department and help with some of the smaller tasks. I’ll be supervising them, so I’ll have my own little team now. That's why I wanted to move my office here.”

“Oh, more underlings for you. How exciting!”

“Oh, shut up!” Lucy rolls up a piece of paper and throws it at me, hitting me square in the face.

“This is turning into a hostile work environment!” I shout gleefully, launching the paper ball back at her.

“Take it up with HR." She smirks.

“I’ll be a step above the students though, right?” I ask, returning to the topic at hand. “So I’ll kinda be like their boss.”

“Uh, no,” Lucy corrects me. “But I do need you to show them around, you know, get them acquainted with everything.”

“I guess I can do that.”

“Wasn’t really asking, but good. They’ll be here in about 30 minutes.”

Once we receive word that the students have arrived I make my way to the lobby to greet them. When I open the lobby door I stop dead in my tracks.

Standing in front of me are Chase, Kelsey, Izzy, Donovan, and…Lexie.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

3.26 Past in Your Present

“Johnny!” Lexie exclaims in surprise.

“Wait, you’re the PA?” Izzy asks.

“Yep,” I reply, more curtly than I intended. “Well, I guess I’ll give you the tour.”

They follow me through the lobby doors. Our footsteps are the only sound filling the hallway. Beads of sweat form on my hairline and I quickly wipe them away. 

“So are you like our boss?” Chase finally asks.

“Kind of,” I lie. 

We make it to the studio door and I swipe my badge. “I don’t know if you’ll get one of these,” I tell them. "They don’t give them out to just anyone.”

Pretty much everyone here has one, but my insecurity has put me on a bit of a power trip. A familiar feeling lately.

Once we’re on set, the group starts chatting about how cool it is. It wasn’t that long ago that I was in their spot, looking around this room in awe. Now it was just another room in the building. I guess that's progress.

Lacey and Lilly are rehearsing on one of the sets. They spot us and head over.

“Hey, Johnny!” They call.

“Hey! These are my friends Lacey and Lilly,” I tell the students.

“Oh, the students!” Lilly says excitedly. “I love when we get new staff members.”

“You’re gonna love it here!” Lacey tells them.

“I can’t believe we’re actually meeting you two!” Lexie gushes. Our eyes meet for a second and I look away abruptly. The image of her tear-stained face as she told me she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore replays in my mind every time I look at her.

“Yeah, we watch your videos all the time!” Kelsey adds. “Johnny can tell you.” Chase nudges them with his elbow.

Lacey raises her eyebrows. “Johnny, you know them?”

Everyone quiets down really quickly. “Yeah,” I say. “I was at DSV with them for a bit.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were a student!”

“Uh, well, I’m not anymore. College wasn’t really for me.”

It starts to fall silent again, but Izzy quickly intervenes.

“Well, we loved the Voidcritters video you just put out,” he tells Lacey and Lilly. “The costumes were amazing!”

They start discussing the video and I zone out, hoping that Lucy will appear so I can go somewhere and gather my thoughts. Luckily she walks in the studio while Lilly is still explaining the symbolism behind her costume.

“Oh, here you are!” Lucy says as she walks towards us. “I see Johnny is giving you guys the grand tour.”

“Yeah, I was. But I just remembered something I need to do for Damien. Are you able to take over?”

“Sure, no problem!” Lucy agrees. “It’s probably for the best, there’s no telling what this guy will tell you!”

Everyone laughs politely, like they don't already know exactly what I'm capable of. 

I exit the studio and go into the nearest bathroom. I splash my face with water, taking deep breaths as I do.

As I pat my face dry, I think to myself, It’s going to be okay. You can get through this. 

I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Khadija asking if my next appointment can be moved up. Luckily, she has an appointment available for this afternoon.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

2.30 A Little Fun

Lexie: I have to say, I’m having a really great time!

Izzy: The straights just don’t do it like we do.

Kelsey: That’s for damn sure! So, how are you feeling about everything?

Lexie: I’m still not sure. Like, this is fun but I don’t know if a night out dancing is going to make it any easier to break Johnny’s heart.

Izzy: Do you see anybody you’re interested in?

Lexie: I’ve seen a couple of girls I’d like to talk to, but I feel weird about flirting with someone when I’m still in a relationship.

Kelsey: You don’t have to act on anything. It doesn’t hurt to flirt a bit. 

Lexie: I don’t know, I already feel like the worst person in the world for doing all of this behind his back. He doesn’t even know what’s going on.

Kelsey: Well, whatever you’re comfortable with. 

Lexie: I’ll be right back, I’m going to the bathroom.

Kelsey: Ok, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do!

Lexie: Ha! You wish.

[Lexie is washing her hands when someone in the bathroom recognizes her]

Liz: Hey, I know you from somewhere.

Lexie: Oh, you’re Chantal’s friend, right? I’m dating her brother.

Liz: Is that so? What are you doing here?

Lexie: My friends invited me out. 

Liz: Oh, that’s too bad. I thought maybe you were having a gay awakening or something. I was going to shoot my shot.

Lexie: Really? With me?

Liz: Duh, you’re, like, really hot.

Lexie: Well, uh, thanks. You’re pretty hot yourself.

Liz: Hmm, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were flirting with me. But…you have a boyfriend.

Lexie: Boyfriend. Right. I-I have one of those.

Liz: You know…what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. We can have a little fun together if you want.

Lexie: I-I can’t. I wouldn’t do that to him.

Liz: [murmuring into Lexie's ear] But you want to, don’t you?

Lexie: I--[Lexie begins to protest but her voice trails off as Liz moves in closer]

[Liz kisses Lexie. Against her better judgment, Lexie finds herself kissing Liz back]

Liz: Still thinking about your boyfriend?

Lexie: I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now.

Liz: Too bad. You know where to find me when you change your mind.

[Lexie returns to Kelsey and Izzy]

Lexie: Hey, thanks for inviting me out but I think I’m gonna call it a night.

Kelsey: Is everything ok?

Lexie: Yeah, there’s just something I need to do.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

2.26 Are You Satisfied?

[Lexie is outside studying by the pool. She’s staring at Cece, who is sunbathing. Johnny approaches her.]

Johnny: Hey, whatcha doing?

Lexie: Oh, nothing, I just zoned out. 

Johnny: What’s on your mind?

Lexie: Do you think we have a good sex life? Like are you satisfied?

Johnny: Wait, is this because of the conversation we had with our friends the other day?

Lexie: [nervously] Huh? What do you mean?

Johnny: Because I said I could see myself possibly being attracted to a guy. That doesn’t bother you or something, does it?

Lexie: Oh, no, I don’t care about that. It’s pretty obvious you’re attracted to me.

Johnny: Ok, so what made you bring up our sex life?

Lexie: Nothing, I was just feeling a little insecure. I think I’m going to walk over to Izzy and Kelsey’s. I told them I’d stop by today.

Johnny: Okay, I’m about to head over to my mom’s for her birthday party, so I guess I’ll see you later.

[Lexie walks to Izzy and Kelsey’s apartment]

Lexie: It’s just everything you were saying about compulsory heterosexuality aligned with how I’ve been feeling about Johnny. 

Kelsey: So you think you might be gay?

Lexie: I don’t know. Like, sex is okay, but I don’t feel what everyone else describes. I just feel empty, then I feel guilty for feeling empty because it seems to mean so much to him.

Izzy: Could you be asexual?

Lexie: I don’t think so. At first I thought maybe I could be. I’ve never really gotten butterflies around anyone...but then that changed.

Kelsey: I’m assuming it’s not Johnny you’re talking about.

Lexie: No. It’s so awful. I feel like the worst person in the world.

Izzy: Lexie, you can’t help the way you feel.

Kelsey: Yeah, you didn’t know. Who is it that you’re attracted to?

Lexie: That’s why it’s so horrible. It’s his sister, Cece.

Kelsey: Oh, Lexie. 

Lexie: I know. I couldn’t figure out why I hated her boyfriend or why I felt so hurt when she didn’t want to spend time with me. But I think it’s because I felt like she was choosing him over me. Which is silly because she’s straight, and I’m dating her brother.

Izzy: So what are you going to do?

Lexie: I feel like I should break up with him, but what if I’m wrong?

Kelsey: I know you care about Johnny, but do you think you could ever feel the same way about him that he does about you?

Lexie: Probably not. Ugh, this sucks! He’s going to be so heartbroken. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. He means so much to me.

Izzy: If he means so much, then I’m sure you want him to be with someone who can truly love him. He won’t get that chance if you keep stringing him along.

Lexie: [sighing] You’re right.

Kelsey: Look, I know this is a lot to process. You don’t have to do anything right now. Why don’t you come with us to a gay club this weekend? 

Izzy: Yeah, maybe being out in the community will help you feel less anxious about everything.

Lexie: I guess I can give it a try.

The next story post contains the following trigger warnings: C-PTSD, PTSD, child abuse. There is also a gif in the post. The post is tagged for the triggers and "gif warning." There is no graphic imaging in the post, but use your discretion if those topics are triggering to you.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

2.24 Compulsory

Izzy: Look Donovan, there goes your girlfriend! [laughs]

Lexie: Girlfriend? Is someone switching teams?

Donovan: Hardly. Just a girl with no gaydar, apparently.

Chase: What would it take for you to get with a girl? Like, what if she offered you a ton of money?

Donovan: Not for a million dollars!

Izzy: Shit, I think I could be persuaded if she offered me a cheeseburger at this point. It’s hard out here for a college student.

Donovan: Not that hard!

Johnny: Izzy, get some standards, man. At least hold out for something better than fast food.

Chase: Do you really think you could be with a girl, though? Even if someone offered me something I really wanted to be with a guy, at the end of the day I’m 100% straight.

Izzy: Well, silly hypothetical scenarios aside, I’m not sure that I’d say I’m 100% gay. I can’t picture myself being attracted to a girl, but things aren’t always so black and white.

Johnny: I think I’m with Izzy. I’ve never been attracted to a guy, but can’t I say for sure it couldn’t happen with the right person. Never say never, I guess.

Kelsey: Team pansexual!. I’m just attracted to whoever I’m attracted to.

Donovan: What about you, Lexie?

Lexie: Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’ve never really thought about it before.

Izzy: Hey, did you guys hear that Venessa Jeong came out as a lesbian?

Lexie: Really? She’s had so many boyfriends! She was in the closet that whole time?

Izzy: Not exactly. She didn’t realize she was gay until recently.

Lexie: Not to be rude, but how could someone not realize they’re gay?

Kelsey: That’s comphet for you.

Johnny: Comphet? Sounds like an exotic noodle dish.

Kelsey: It means compulsory heterosexuality. Basically, it’s the idea that being straight is so ingrained in our culture that a lot of queer people, especially women, don’t even consider being gay as an option.

Lexie: Yeah, but how did she have sex with guys for all those years if she’s not attracted to men?

Izzy: I think it goes back to what we were talking about earlier. Being gay doesn’t mean you’re disgusted by the opposite sex. I’m not going to burst into flames if a woman touches me.

Donovan: I might!

Kelsey: I think Venessa said it took her a while to realize some of her feelings about sex and relationships weren’t normal. She thought she was just nervous about it because she usually lost interest after guys starting like her back.

Lexie: Like she just wanted them to like her, even though she wasn’t sure she liked them the same way?

Kelsey: Yeah, pretty much. She tried to make herself like them, but she couldn’t ever match their feelings. Does it make more sense to you now?

Lexie: Yeah, it does.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

2.21 Pleasant Lies

Lexie: I don’t know what’s going on with me. I was so excited for our trip but when I got there, I just felt irritable.

Kelsey: Why, did something happen?

Lexie: Well, the only thing is that his sister bailed at the last minute and it really hurt my feelings. I don’t know, Kelsey. I’ve just been feeling out of sorts lately. I thought it was because I haven’t seen my family in a while, but now I’m not so sure.

Kelsey: Do you think maybe you didn’t want to be alone with him for that long?

Lexie: Maybe. I just feel so bad. He was so patient with me through all my crankiness and to make it worse, after all that he told me he loved me for the first time.

Kelsey: Wow, what did you say to that?

Lexie: I…said it back.

Kelsey: You sound hesitant. You meant it, right?

Lexie: Yes! No. I don’t know. 

Kelsey: Sounds like “no” to me.

Lexie: I guess I just felt like even if I don’t love him yet, I probably will soon. So why not just say it back?

Kelsey: Because you don’t tell people you love them if you don’t! What if you never feel that way about him?

Lexie: I don’t see why I wouldn’t. We have a ton in common. He makes me laugh like no one else. He’s really sweet, and I do care about him a lot. 

Kelsey: I’m sensing a “but.”

Lexie: [sighs] But there’s something in my gut that just makes me feel weird when I think about having a future with him. Maybe I’m just scared.

Kelsey: Of what, commitment?

Lexie: I don’t know. This is my first real relationship. It just started feeling so serious all of a sudden. 

Kelsey: You know monogamy isn’t the only option, right? 

Lexie: Yeah, but it’s not like I'm interested in any other guys. I’m not sure if opening the relationship would change anything.

Kelsey: Well, whatever it is, you need to be honest with him. It’s not just a one-time fib. You’ll be lying to him every time you say it. 

Lexie: I just don’t want to hurt him. He’s been through so much. I don’t want to be the reason he feels bad about himself.

Kelsey: I know, but you can’t protect him from every negative feeling. You know how they say a painful truth is better than a pleasant lie? It might hurt in the moment, but keeping the truth hidden could be worse for him in the long run.

Lexie: [sighs] It has to count for something that I want to love him, right?

Kelsey: Ok, but you don’t. And he deserves to know the truth.

Lexie: You’re right. I’ll talk to him. I just hope he takes it ok.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

1.45 The White Knight Rises

Kelsey: Now that we’re making more money from our streams, we should start thinking about making this place look a little nicer.

Chase: Why, what’s wrong with it?

Izzy: No offense, but it looks like a straight guy lives here.

Chase: A straight guy does live here.

Donovan: Yeah, but you’re outnumbered. It’s not giving enough queer energy.

Johnny: I think it has character. Thanks to my sister, my place looks like one of the showrooms at IKEA. 

Izzy: You only like it because you’re also a straight guy. 

Lexie: While we’re talking about the stream, did you ban those guys who were causing all the trouble last night? I was enjoying my birthday stream until they started demanding I take my top off.

Chase: I did. The chat should now be incel free.

Lexie: Until more of them show up, that is. 

Kelsey: Yeah, that’s why I stopped turning on my camera. Anyone who’s female presenting is a target. They don’t care if I’m enby. In fact, if I bring it up it just makes them troll harder.

Donovan: Add to that the racists and homophobes, and we’re all having a bad time. Well, except for Chase.

Chase: I’m sorry you all have to deal with that shit. Is there anything I can do to keep those kinds of people away? I give out warnings and bans, but I don’t always see everything right away when we're in the middle of a game.

Izzy: We could use some moderators.

Johnny: I know a lot of streamers have rules for their chat.

Kelsey: That’s a good idea. But if we’re going to set rules, we need to make sure we stick to them. You give them an inch, they take a mile.

Chase: Noted. I have some buddies who’d probably be up for helping with moderation. And I’ll definitely continue to call them out on their shit when I see it.

Lexie: Just be prepared for the inevitable white knight comments.

Kelsey: We can get you a nice suit of armor for Christmas to help you settle into your new role.

Chase: Awesome! Do I get a sword, too? Ooh, how about one of those lances they use for jousting?

Donovan: There’s no way we’re trusting you with any sharp objects after The Great Pumpkin Carving Incident a few weeks ago.

Chase: Aw, c’mon, ‘tis but a scratch!

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

1.28 Into the Fire

Lexie: Hey! I'm glad you could make it.

Johnny: Thanks for inviting me out. So this is the place where all the Drama students hang out?

Lexie: Yep, it's pretty casual. I probably should've invited you out sooner. I think you know some people here from class.

Johnny: Let's see...Izzy, Chase, Kelsey, Megan, that one guy who speaks in an English accent even though he grew up in Oasis Springs...

Lexie: Yeah, I don't think he was even invited. Pretty sure he followed someone here.

Hey guys, over here! You know Johnny, right?

Chase: Yeah, we worked on a scene together in Dr. Jenkins class. How ya been, man?

Johnny: Not bad. Well, aside from barely passing my classes.

Izzy: I know the feeling! A bunch of us are about to crash a senior party if you two want to come.

Johnny: Yeah, sounds cool.

Lexie: We'll meet up with you there!

Chase: Cool, see ya later!

Lexie: I hope you don't mind waiting a bit. I want to talk to you about something first.

Johnny: Oh no. Look, I didn't mean to set that fire on your balcony, and I put it out before it destroyed anything!

Lexie: What fire? When...Uh, we can talk about that later. What I wanted to talk about is that Cece said you have a crush on me.

Johnny: Oh my God, I can't believe she told you that! I'm sorry.

Lexie: [laughs] What are you apologizing for?

Johnny: I don't know. For liking you I guess?

Lexie: Well, I think it's sweet.

Johnny: Really? I'm kind of a piece of shit, but maybe you're into that sort of thing.

Lexie: Just take the compliment! I'm a pretty good judge of character and I think you're kind and funny…and a good kisser.

Johnny: I'm not that--I mean, thank you. I think you're all of those things, too. What else did Cece say about me? I want to make sure she's not tarnishing my good name. That's my job.

Lexie: Well, she pretty much gave her approval.

Johnny: Really?

Lexie: Ok, not exactly. But it doesn't really matter what she thinks anyway, right?

Johnny: I guess not.

Lexie: Good.

[Lexie and Johnny kiss]

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[honeyjars-sims]

1.35 Gaming God

Chase: I’m out. Damn, so close.

Kelsey: Too bad! You know, I almost let you win, but then I remembered that you blue shelled me in the last round. Time for my victory dance!

Johnny: You sure about that?

[Johnny zooms past Kelsey in the game and wins]

Izzy: What???

Chase: Bro, where did you even come from?

Lexie: Told you he’s good!

Kelsey: I should be pissed, but I’m mostly just impressed. Well played!

Johnny: Sorry, Kelsey! I saw the opportunity and I took it.

Kelsey: You’re good, it’s just a friendly little competition.

Izzy: Is this how you seduced Lexie? 

Lexie: Oh yeah, nothing gets me hotter than watching Mario cross the finish line.

Johnny: Mama mia!

Lexie: [playfully groans and rolls her eyes] On second thought, maybe I’m more of a Luigi girl.

Izzy: So you’re saying I have a shot?

Lexie: Sure, but the whole gay thing might get in the way.

Izzy: Maybe I’m not as gay as you think.

Kelsey: Two words: Idris Elba.

Izzy: Hmm, homosexuality it is!

Chase: Hey Johnny, do you ever stream?

Johnny: Yeah, I’m not very popular but I make a little side money doing it.

Chase: We all stream together if you want to join us sometime.

Johnny: Cool, I’ll definitely take you up on that. It’ll be hard, but I’ll try not to win every time.

Izzy: Oh, how gracious of you!

Chase: Truly, you are a God among gamers.

[The guys laugh]

Kelsey: [to Lexie, quietly] I like him!

Lexie: [smiles] Me, too.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next