#i'm nd what can i say

[marshbarks]

i think its weird how artists and especially youtubers will 'redesign' characters from media they deem problematic as though slapping a new coat of paint on the character erases all the issues they were rooted in to begin with. or as though redesigning the character makes them Better than the original creator, because now its THEIRS

[mishkakagehishka]

heyyy, not sure if you were aware, but the op of that "girlhood isn't walks of shame" post is like. ACTUALLY a terf :x

Worm, i checked through the account a bit now and it does seem to be radfemmy, but like. I hope this won't get misunderstood, but i feel like it'd be a bit dishonest for me to delete a rb of a post i agreed with with the reasoning being "i don't agree with everything the op has said" yknow? If that makes sense. A post criticising tiktok bimbocore feminism is a post i agree with, regardless of who made it

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working

[high-voltage-rat]

Vyvanse is such a silly little drug. I get up at 11, take it at noon, what's a normal sleep phase I don't know her.

The first hour passes and I'm like "dude nothings happening except me getting sweaty and my heart's going a bit faster" and then I blink and it's another 2 hours later and I've just blitzed doing every chore available to me, organized all my shit for the day, read through 500 tumblr posts, watched some random-ass YouTube clips, and made myself food I don't want to eat because my appetite is suppressed but I know food consumption is a task. It's like all of my ADHD bullshit for the entire day happens at light speed over a few hours.

Then I sit down and can do The Big Task of the day for 5 hours or more and, unlike with a hyperfocus, can remain focused on it even after taking breaks to go do other stuff.

Then the end of the day hits and I'm tired and need to go to sleep but I still feel the Productivity Need so for some reason I watch 50 more "Educational" YouTube videos until it subsides and then finally fall asleep at 2am.

Like. Does it cure my ADHD? Absolutely not. Does it make me less chaotic? No. But does it allow me to consistently channel my ADHD energy productively? Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% sure that's what my doctors were going for when they prescribed it, but I gotta be honest I kinda love it.

[ratspider]

i think that once i have absolutely no upgrading goals left in stardew valley i'm going to divorce harvey and date everyone in the town till i probably eventually go back to harvey again and wipe his memory

[vulpinesaint]

absolutely unreasonable over this coworker that i rlly like rn. thank god i don't like men or i would have fucking Lost it by now! as it is i don't even know what has me so dkfjghsdf about him i'm just sitting there with my head in my hands going "he's so normal about trans people..."

[ablednt]

There's a unique neurodivergent experience/trauma that we all try to talk about but I think nothing will summarize it as well as when Mitski said, "I've been big and small and big and small again and still nobody wants me"

[unproduciblesmackdown]

thirty tags generally never being enough: LOS-307 also having a perfectly neurodivergent time manifesting as their having a distressing/harmful experience that goes ignored (as does their talking about it, from [forewarning] to [increasingly urgently remarking on it]) b/c no one else shares it, and their efforts to help themself out by requesting a break from a task that's overtaxing them or trying to cool the room to cool themself are thwarted b/c [not continuing to overheat for their own current wellbeing And to avoid its exacerbation and an outright crisis] is dismissed for [i do want to keep playing this game to win it though] and [i would be uncomfortable if cold]. also that when it's way too late it's like oh ok Now um well just cool down it's fine lol. just like irl. iconique autistique

[afoolandathief]

fenrir is my favourite!! idk how to explain it but he's so babygirl he's so beloved. idk i kind of identify w/ him so he's special to me (:

🥺

It makes me so happy to know people love Fenrir and identify with him! He changed and grew so much as I wrote him in the first draft of THHT and I'm so excited how he and his relationship with his dad turned out <3

[tiredassmage]

no, no, I totally didn’t start a new smuggler run just bc of asks-related hcs today, never, why are you looking at me like that >.> @captainderyn blaming you (affectionate xD). and lbr also my poor decision making skills past 10pm lol, who’s self-control, don’t know her

SIS Agent Oliver Daxton // Tyr Deckard, Ex-Cipher

[anaalnathrakhs]

there is nothing i hate more than a fucking geography assignement. so in this text we’ll be seeing why CITY is ADJECTIVE. we’ll mention how CITY possesses CHARACTERISTIC and INDUSTRY and OTHER THING. cf provided textbook. so. CHARACTERISTIC is present in CITY. INDUSTRY is keeping the economy the way it usually is. they have OTHER THING which fulfills its intended practical purpose. according to the provided checklist, CITY is thus ADJECTIVE. pls good grade thx xoxo.

[brltpop]

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[okayish-omens]

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[ooc-miqojak]

After not only growing up being abused by a parental narcissist, but being entangled with a Narcissist I thought was a friend many years ago, I learned quickly that if you asked about any of his prior (especially female) friends who were no longer his friends... he'd call them 'crazy', one and all. He loved to label anyone who disagreed with him or criticized him as 'crazy' - or if I brought up something he'd done that seemed problematic (usually harassing other players in WoW), I would be told I was 'betraying' him. So when someone else I thought was a friend recently insulted my mental well-being simply because I told them that something they'd said had come across as condescending and hurtful? I knew it for what it was.

An emotionally mature adult can have that conversation, and say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across as condescending." Maybe you ask how you could have done better, or how you can help now! I know sometimes I'm just very passionate (that ADHD, man), and I can inadvertently upset people at times (which is the last thing I want to do - growing up with a narcissist led to me being a little bit of a people pleaser, woops ) - so I want to know when I've upset someone, so I can approach that kind of thing better in the future.

What you don't do, is start pointing the finger at the person putting their trust in you and bringing something hurtful to you, and insinuate that it's actually their fault you said the hurtful thing you said; you don't invalidate how it made them feel, and then tell them that they clearly must need to get some help because they're unwell for being hurt by your words. That speaks to something a lot deeper going on in your life and mental well-being, if the kneejerk reaction you have to even the mildest criticism from a friend who wants to clear the air and express hurt is 'you're crazy, and I'm worried about you because of how crazy you are, so I'm done with you'. It's disingenuous in the 'care' expressed, and implies the other person in mentally unwell because you said something hurtful.

A totally different friend lied to me to try and spare my feelings last year, and I was devastated - few things hurt or upset me more than lies! The truth, no matter how hurtful, is always better in my book. And when I expressed this... they apologized! That's it. We're back to being close friends, now. They understood why what they said/did was hurtful, even if their intent was kind - and that's the emotionally mature way to handle criticism - you both handle it like adults, and move forward as better people, instead of blaming the person you harmed, before cutting them off so that you have the last word/insult and don't have to face the pain you caused. Uncomfortable discussions are part of life. Talking through difficult situations is part and parcel of adult life. Anyways, never accept gaslighting. Never accept being condescended to and called names or being accused of being 'crazy' because you stood up for yourself, or because you trusted someone enough to confide in them that they hurt your feelings. You should be able to trust your friends (or loved ones of any kind) with conversations like that, and be able to work through why it hurt, and how to avoid the hurt again, and move on with your day knowing you have a better relationship dynamic because of this talk. You now know each other better! You have more trust in them, and they understand you well enough to know what things are hurtful to say, and how to phrase those things differently in the future, and you both know how to approach a situation differently next time it arises.

I know it's been a while since I last posted - been dealing with a lot lately. From emotional abuse, being mentally drained, to depression and physical weakness. It's been a tough couple of weeks. But I'm slowly trying to get back on here. 💜

I came across this recently and was surprised to see there's terms that describe covert behaviour patterns that narcissists perform. I'm pretty familiar with all of these behaviour patterns, as they have been applied towards me, but didn't know there were terms that define them. Educating oneself about anything, especially mental health is truly powerful. Posting this here to help you all as well, as it did for me.

[usuallydyinginside]

TLDR: Francesca Bridgerton is Autistic. Fight me.

Okay so I did not go into Season 3 of Bridgerton expecting to have any feelings about Francesca Bridgerton. We have seen her only in glimpses in the show and I have not read the books, so I knew basically nothing about her before binging the first four episodes.

But guys. GUYS. I will die for this autistic queen.

Okay, so starting with first impressions. We know that on her big day, Francesca went out of her way to avoid her nosy, loud family by having a very early, quiet breakfast by herself and then calming down via playing the piano (clearly a special interest of hers).

In her first balls, we see Francesca light up any time she talks about music (clearly her current or forever special interest) but as soon as men try to take it to a flirting place she IMMEDIATELY shuts down. It's clear that even as she states very matter-of-factly that she plans to marry this season, she also is baffled and uncomfortable any time someone tries to actually, ya know, court her.

At one of her first shindigs, she got attention and then went up to her brother and (while making almost no eye contact) told him (rather than asked him) that she needed a sec.

She then sat by herself in the side of the ballroom.

Later on, she left a ball in search of quiet and solitude to fix her sensory overload, so she went outside this time. (A thing that we know from pervious seasons is a HUGE no-no, particularly unchaperoned. But she was very respectfully near the door so maybe that's fine?) The point is that she cares very much about staying respectable so she can get this marriage thing over with and get people to stop perceiving her, yet she risks some scandal by going outside just so she can be somewhere quiet alone.

Enter: this absolute (also autistic) Prince Charming.

He says hello (so she knows he's not like trying to sneak up on her in the dark like a creep) and then just stands there. 10/10, no notes, best way to flirt I have ever seen in my life.

Seriously just look at this. I'm in love. Never before has there been a greater sign of love at first sight than in this "standing politely five feet apart in total silence in the middle of a ball and enjoying each other's company."

I need to go watch these first four episodes about a hundred more times, but I THINK this might be the first sincere smile we see from Francesca??!? I at least got the impression immediately that this is the first time she's felt genuinely comfortable and happy while not entirely alone this season.

Like, these nerds did not even exchange names. They barely exchanged a word. Yet you can see them falling head over heels in love right there in that moment. I don't even LIKE love at first sight tropes and they have my whole heart. They are the only exception.

Then, of course, you have this second absolutely iconic Scene of Silence where the entire Bridgerton family stares in neurotypical confusion a these two amazing weirdos. The way these two do not know each other but they DO know each other. The way they are both so happy and so comfortable but also still playing the whole society game the way they were told they had to?? I just don't have words right now.

LOOK AT HER SMILE, GUYSSSSSSSS.

Look how happy this tiny, silent moment is making her. How she understands immediately what he's doing and is absolutely delighted to participate too even knowing her entire family is hardcore judging them from not that far away.

And then you get this smug little look from him and it's like you can see his autistic ass thinking, "Yes. I calculated correctly. This was the correct romance option. Gold star to me." (Okay, maybe that's just how my brain works but shhhhh)

Which, of course, brings us to this absolutely hilariously awkward ND attempt at flirting. We start off with some fairly normal "whoops, I'm flustered cause you make me nervous" sort of moments, but notice how little eye contact she makes. How she only looks in his eyes very briefly and it seems like she almost has to remind herself to do so when she's doing the "polite" answers (OR later when she's genuinely interested in a topic).

So as soon as Francesca is like "oh shit, I ruined it. I forgot how to neurotypical. It's over" then she loses patience with the practiced social niceties.

I spent like 30 minutes trying to find a GIF and I should already be asleep so I'm not going to go learn how to make one BUT I needed to look up exactly what happens next cause it's basically the most autistic thing I've ever seen.

WHICH IS that in response to the second awkward silence after Francesca shares all of this, John's response is, "That is helpful. If you'll excuse me."

Then dude bro just WALKS AWAY WITHOUT ANOTHER WORD.

Like it would be awkward anyway but now Francesca thinks she misread a social cue so she's feeling sad, and meanwhile this absolute king is over here on a romantic mission no one asked him to do because he is that set on showing her he's listening and cares.

The man shows up at the ball and as soon as he had a paper we were all screaming "he wrote her a song!!!"

Again, notice the eye contact (or lack thereof). I think with period dramas and women, it's easy to just go "oh she's just shy" or "she's just being demure like she's supposed to" but like NO. This girl does not want to meet anyone's eyes.

Until she does. Because in moments where she's talking about music or enjoying quiet, it's worth it to purposefully meet his eyes and see how he's feeling too. To make sure he can see she's happy.

ANYWAY, it was so much better than him writing a song for her.

SO. MUCH. BETTER.

Because he didn't just give her any ol' music. He sought out the music they'd specifically heard in the street, and he took her exact specifications on what was "wrong" with the music, and he FIXED IT. He then put the whole thing on sheet music and handed her a copy with no further explanation than this.

Our autistic lass was so excited she basically sprinted out of that ball so she could find a piano. (Which, the fact that she does this rather than try to stay and flirt/dance with the man who just gave her this incredible gift ALSO says a lot, just saying. Daphne could never.)

So our girl finds a piano and GUYS. LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE IS.

I'm pretty sure this woman would accept a proposal right this second. Maybe make one herself. She is so head over heels in love with this man that it's absurd. We have watched her mask in these first four episodes, but the last two where she's interacting with John are the first times she seems genuinely happy and like the real her is shining through.

Like, does she enjoy her family? Sure. But it's obvious (and she even tells us) that she finds them overwhelming and generally to be A Lot. But these scenes? This gesture?

You can just get how seen she feels. How weird and wild and amazing it is to her that this man can see who she actually is and wants to join her there instead of making her play some part of the perfect Bridgerton who likes to be the center of attention.

(And even here - the EYE CONTACT. She glances at people when she's talking to them, but the way she looks at the sheet music is so much more intense and intimate and personal than anytime she's looking at the average person in the show. She still even in places she's most comfortable, such as sitting at the piano, makes very little eye contact and only at very specific moments.)

Anyway I'm going to sleep now but I'm sure I'll add more thoughts as they come to me. Feel free to add your own case for why Francesca is autistic and/or otherwise neurodivergent. I want to hear allllllll the thoughts.

[vulpinesaint]

in other news i get two weeks of summer break!!! :D i thought my summer classes were going to just lead me straight into school again but i do actually get some breathing room before it all starts up once more :D