#i'm like legit not okay
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finished Foundation S2.
#i'm like legit not okay#i...hm#okay maybe broadly i can be normal about this series#but there are specific aspects i will never be normal again about#i need to go watch shangri la plaza so i can stop screaming for one moment#the foundation
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(breathing into a paper bag) FRALIO....
can't believe they gave us another guy. oh my god. so I guess Kelka is more, uhhh, more OOO then, and Fralio is Ankh? not that it matters too much, although they do seem to be doing something with the connected Riders so. who knows. anything goes! or if I may, anything gOOOes! god. of course they're the Ambition parallel. of course they are. oh my god.
fortunately there's nothing else they can throw at me right now that could possibly --
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#art#ride kamens#ride kamens spoilers#OKAY i am caught up through show my cards so i feel more confident about going into main story part 2#unless there's some absolutely wacky lore thrown into the fun rollerblades event WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT#extra excited for these guys now! can't wait to meet them properly :D#gosh though i am so afraid for jou in part 2#he's grown on me so much and i can't help but think getting backstory so soon is an ominous sign#especially for a wisdom guy i mean COME ON#i'm getting kiriya vibes and i don't like where this is heading#on the one hand if they legit kill off a character in their joseimuke gacha game...i mean. respect.#but also i want jou to be okay :(#i want everyone to be okay except maybe taiten because what is even going on with him#me yesterday: oh i don't think he's straight-up evil :) now let me just finish up the space event...#taiten: let's talk about plan DOMINATE PLANET#damnit taiten#tangentially i do think it would be EXTREMELY funny if the whole soun thing was a fakeout and murakumo was just some other dude entirely#soun's soft spot for uryuu and dislike for taiten is entirely coincidental#(probably based around the fact that taiten is INCREDIBLY evil) (or is he) (i mean yes)#he's multilayered he doesn't need a narrative reason to have opinions about other characters what are you his MOM
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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I don't even know what to caption, I just fucking adore this mf. I infused all my adoration into a screenshot re-draw. Watch this show please, please, please, please, please, please. It's incredible to me.
#i need him. WHO SAID THAT? ME! I SAID THAT. I NEEEEEED HIM.#and not even for the whole monster-fuckery reasons. that's false. just look at him. caring. incredible. sillay. babygirl material right her#like look at him. literally ideal.#he said no one would want him as a wife. false. i'm proposing today.#kafka ilysm#okay fine i'll stop. UGH.#digital art#procreate art#fanart#kafka hibino#kn8#kn8 fanart#kaiju no 8#digital illustration#digital artist#my fanart#digital fanart#screencap redraw#screenshot redraw#screenshot repaint#okay enough Official tags. i fucking love this show.#legit had to stop myself from binging the manga in 3 days so i watch the show every week.#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡
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I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.
Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.
She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.
And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.
CF? Her route?
She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!
It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.
Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.
Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.
Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.
And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?
This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!
#legit not even sure what to tag this because for once I'm going to bat for Edelgard LMAO her writing treats her BAD when it comes to this#this is also a huge thing that fucks me off from liking Edel/eth because Byleth can be SUCH a huge fucking dick to her for no reason#and can be UNIQUELY mean to her for no reason. off the cuff i can't think of another character you can have Byleth act like this to#and most of this shit is well before Byleth as a character has any real reason to actively dislike her so they're just.#bullying Edelgard for fun?? I guess??#among uh. other reasons the ship doesn't exactly Work Out lmao#but yeah for CF it really REALLY brings down my ability to enjoy it fully despite me REALLY wanting to#because it encapsulates just how like. shallowly Edelgard can be written?#because it's not just that no character can meaningfully react to everything she's done (though that is a huge factor too)#but also as SOON as the writing wants you to REALLY like her it goes out of its way to diminish her powerful presence and UwU her#and not to say that she doesn't have her powerful moments - she does! and they're really great to see!#but that her cutesy moments stand out SO much BECAUSE the other two lords very noticeably have nothing akin to that for them#like. you can't jokingly call Claude a loser for having no friends growing up due to the racism he faced#you can't pretend to be one of voices Dimitri hears to fuck with him#you straight up CANNOT joke about their trauma which like. duh?? why would you??#but Edelgard just woke up from a horrible nightmare and that's just the perfect setup for a sex joke#and it's perfectly fine to joke about forgetting what Edelgard said about her trauma she opened up to them about cuz ''she said to forget''#and it's a-okay for Byleth to brush off her opening up about why she has a rat phobia to embarrass her over drawing them#WHY CAN YOU DO THIS. or better yet WHY *CAN'T* YOU DO THIS TO THE OTHER TWO.#it is just so brazenly sexist and i hate it every time i think about it 😭
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Vigil - 2x06
#vigiledit#bbc vigil#amy silva#kirsten longacre#suranne jones#rose leslie#vigil spoilers#vigil 2x06#amy x kirsten#femslash related stuff#okay so I hadn't been feeling well saturday night so when the eps dropped I literally just watched the last scene on iplayer#just to make sure nobody freaking died#and it was amy saying I'm coming home on the phone#and given the ''come home''/''I can't'' moment in the trailer I thought amy was legit gonna stay in wudyan these whole last 3 eps#which I didn't love the idea of I truly wanted an amy/kirsten reunion but I was like oh maybe rose leslie's pregnancy interfered#as long as they're both alive and we got that lovely scene in ep 2 it's fine#so this was all a COMPLETE surprise even more than usual#I made it a twist to my own self#and then it was like the perfect hurt/comfort scene you'd want for an action detective couple like this!#amy so focused on the job and then dropping everything to rush to kirsten's side#sitting there all night and that classic waking up in the chair next to the hospital bed scene#and they even had their cake and ate it too by having amy *choose* kirsten over the job#only for kirsten to then push her back to it#and going from this soppy soft teary version of amy to a pissed off black suit badass#because they'd hurt her girl#such a good couple to build a series like this around#lol amy really didn't want to leave!#she's just sitting and gazing at kirsten#man those years ago kirsten would never have imagined getting to see amy like this and meaning so much to her
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Its always neoptolemus was unhinged. Neoptololemus took his father's rage and pride and doubled it. And never odysseus taught him the art of war crimes
#neoptolemus#Odysseus#Anyway I started the philoctetes#And I'm legit five minutes in#And odysseus is like okay here how we gatekeep gaslight war crime our way to success#Who let this man be neo's mentor#Who's idea was that#I just want to talk
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As a last hurrah before the year is done, have my take on lesbian Errorink ✧˖°.
I saw an interesting question once. One that posed the controversial thought that "if your yaoi ship got turned into yuri, would you even still ship it anymore??" It was an interesting question, although perhaps a leading question, that gave the idea that many people may cease to ship a pairing if they turned from boys to girls.
I only had one thought to that question.
It's cute that you think that would have any chance of deterring me. No, w a t c h. My undying love for my otp is only strengthened.
Case in point; if yaoi errorink has consumed my entire mind and soul, then it would make perfect sense that yuri errorink would do so as well. Don't you see. It's literally the exact same ship, with all the same dynamics and interactions, but they're ✧˖°.girls now✧˖°.
SO. BIG SHOUTOUT TO JUNIEMUNIE FOR THEIR REFS WHICH STRONGLY INSPIRED MINE. I want to draw their versions one day. And I will, I will, just let me cook, man, I promise I will-
Of course, obligatory "p l e a s e open drawings in another tab to see them better 'cus they look like dog water on here."
WARNING; RAMBLING AHEAD THAT I WILL T R Y TO MAKE SHORT I thought it would be so funny, man, hilarious, if Error was like. This scrunkly girlboss badass who could, and would, absolutely destroy you. B u t she is sort of dressed like a high end hobo?? Like- SHE GOT THE BUNNY SLIPPERS ON AND LOOKS LIKE SHE LOW KEY JUST ROLLED OUT OF BED, but she gonna make damn sure her makeup is on f l e e k before she walks out that door ✧˖°.
BUT, THEN, COMPARE THAT. COMPARE THAT WITH. Just comedy gold, I tell you. This badass, skrunkly girlboss Destroyer of Worlds and her love interest, the only one who holds the key to her heart... is just Ink. A teeny lil cutie patootie who runs around completely barefoot in Care Bear lookin' overalls, with a paintbrush taller than she is and a giant burrito scarf. Just-
Yep. That's the Destroyer of Worlds's gf, right there. (I can see the crap posts now. Error being an absolutely horrifying entity to be reckoned with, but immediately switches to a sing-songy, happy voice as soon as Ink pops into the room.)
Fun fact; I'm sick as a dog as of this post. I finished these drawings not being able to breathe or swallow. :D Well, f i n e, I wasn't as bad when I finished Error's first, but then I got worse with Ink's. Like. I was staring at the screen, half-dead and unable to focus, when I was finishing her up, but she doesn't look half that bad, huh. Not too shabby for someone who can barely concentrate and had to proofread this post four times before giving up and hoping it is at least somewhat coherent in my fever induced fog state.
#utmv#ink sans#error sans#errorink#reference sheet#I was worried that these were t o o similar to Junie's ref sheets#So I decided to credit them just to be sure#If in doubt; just credit the artist that inspired you✧˖°.#You can legit make new friends that way#So these are my official designs of yuri Errorink#I love them so much man#Even if I do say so myself smh#I k n o w; they don't look much different than the original designs#BUT THE ORIGINAL DESIGNS WERE P E A K OKAY#Why “fix” what isn't broken???#And y e s; both of them literally have the same names as the boy versions#Why???#'CUS WHY WOULD THEY BE CALLED ANYTHING DIFFERENT-#Also just because. Like. I'm bad at names#S t o p. I see you looking at me like that#“Oh yes; makes perfect sense for Miss Doesn't Name a Single Chapter in Her Long Ass Fic”#YOU CAN SEE W H Y; CAN'T YOU#Be glad#If I named my chapters; they would literally be like “The One Where Ink has a Bad Time” or “The One Where Ink has a Bad Time: Part 2"#If not just descend into “The One Where Literally Everything Hits the Fan”#You can tell I'm sick; can't you. This makes no sense
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i am so normal about him I Am So Normal About Him I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT HIM—!!!!!!;;;;;;;;;;;;;
#/////////////////////// i still can't even draw him a well as i want to but even *still*....... blushing like a schoolgirl at PIXELS dfgnvgf#this is a sketch for a separate dumb thing but. well. obviously things spiraled very quickly out of my control here T//u//T;;;#(meanwhile the Actual thing this sketch is for keeps making me legit laugh out loud so i'm excited for That stupidity eventually xD)#so have a Husk doodle tonight instead of an Angel i guess lmaooo#jesus i don't want this going into the tag x'D#no you know what eff it we ball i've had time to process now lol#hazbin hotel#husk#bites him bites him bites him (affectionate)#okay that's it i am going to BED goodnight x'3c#doodles
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You say 'it's a bug', I say 'it's an opportunity' >:)
Here’s another fanart of MY BOTW PLAYTHROUGH~: 1 | 2 | 4
BONUS:
The Hero of Courage? More like ‘The Cunning Hero’! :’D
#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#botw#eventide island quest#link#i'm not that good of a gamer okay?!#big scary monster is very scary to me :')#edit: legit forgot to draw the orb on the Hinox's neck dangit#that's the whole reason of this fanart. me!!#this is like that story of the Lady with the pearl earring#but the painter forgot to draw the pearl earring itself lol
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Y'all think Orin would stab me the way she did the painting for this?
Also sneaking his... something in here cuz like idk what im on but it's kinda working.
#okay#this is still pretty realistic#but its also artsy and whimsical and blurry#and you have no idea how much fun this was#also imagine#i got not one but TWO portraits done on a single weekend#I'm productive and having fun and it doesn't look like shit#this is it#and bgs are still a pain but with this brush its not actually that horrible#and if i may be so free#They're fucking pretty#i like how this turned out#bg3#gortash bg3#bg3 gortash#enver gortash#bg3 durge#durge#dark urge#look at them#look at the terrible but pretty men#now time to work on a legit request... yay... (its not even fictional people its real people i hate myself for agreein#and since I was so productive my wifi router decided to die a sudden death
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ways journalists have really described alex turner and miles kane:
"Wearing matching outfits, gazing into each other's eyes, talking about their instant connection… Alex and Miles' claims that they wrote the Shadow Puppets' album about 'a girl' weren't fooling anyone. Quite simply Alex and Miles are hopelessly, madly, enviably in love with each other. Please lads, just be true to yourselves, embrace your feelings, and have a massive snog - we can't bear the tension any more." - NME
“If there’s one sexual dynamic at work tonight at the Usher Hall, it’s homoeroticism. The Last Brokeback Mountaineers are a camp pair of strutting cocks, to be sure.” - The Wee Review
"Speaking to them together feels like interrupting a conversation that's been going on since 2005." - NME
“Looking over at his manspreading counterpart, Kane gleefully points at Turner’s exposed bulge. Not wanting to be rude, I look away.” - SPIN
“Watching them finish each others’ sentences, agonise over their answers to how well they know each other and embrace when it’s time to leave... well, you’d need a heart made of Hoosiers CDs not to find it incredibly sickly sweet.” - NME
“Alex Turner and Miles Kane turn towards each other with fond looks when we suggest they’re best friends. Like doodle in each other’s notebooks BFF status. After spending 15 minutes with them though, we’re pretty convinced they’re going to grow old together in matching tracksuits.” - Sidewalk Hustle
“Miles Kane looks like he’s gagging for a great big man-hug (and maybe more...) off his buddy. These two have spent overly long admiring themselves and each other.” - The Wee Review
“As soon as I decide to just get started without Kane, Turner accidentally Facetimes him from his pocket, and the two erupt into a fit of giggles, our conversation veering off course for the third time in as many minutes.” - Consequence
“While Turner stares on the ground during his answers, Kane watches him like a lovestruck teenager from the side.” - Musikexpress
“Say this for Lennon and McCartney, or Plant and Page: they never had their own romantic rock ‘n’ roll portmanteau. But “Milex”—Miles Kane and Alex Turner, for the uninitiated—have just that enviable kind of bromance. The two even moved to Los Angeles in tandem a few years ago. No wonder multiple “Milex” pages have cropped up on Tumblr, breathlessly re-posting the duo’s every embrace and droll quip; there is fan fiction, too, the kind that would make a coal miner blush.” - Interview Magazine
'"Alex Turner is like a princess in need of his prince Miles's assistance to get down from a tower." - Dutch Review
"You'd be forgiven for barely noticing anything beyond the front of the stage, though. Like a pair of teenagers egging each other on, Turner and Kane are the most infatuated frontmen since the Pete Doherty and Carl Barat." - Hot Press
"If Miles Kane had a 'hard on' for being a front-man before The Last Shadow Puppets, he's grabbed the opportunity Turner's patronage presented him with both hands. So to speak." - Q Magazine
"The feeling is contagious too, as though we're looking in on star-crossed lovers finally reunited." - Hot Press
#okay this is really just the tip of the iceberg#but i think that's quite enough to be getting on with for now#a couple of details:#i've only quoted stuff from interviews that were actively with them or live reviews of concerts#there are also a couple of interviews in here that... yeah. i very much don't like the tone used or how the journalist has portrayed them#(see: the musikexpress one which is just so insulting to miles)#but they had quotes that were too good not to be included here#so yeah#i just wanted to make clear that just because i've included a quote here does not mean i agree with its source material#i'm really just fascinated by the sheer number of journalists who have described them in this light#also there are sources for almost all of these but a couple of them i couldn't find the links i needed but i know they are legit quotes#milex#alex turner#miles kane#the last shadow puppets#tlsp#milex interview#lulu posts
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i would like to hear your thoughts ❤️
gahhhh okay no one throw rocks at me, this is buck x oc
adam has been a nurse for a long time. he's dealt with trauma after trauma, met so many firefighters and paramedics but none with a bigger heart than evan buckley. he's seen him around a few times, the station 118 is pretty well known in their hospital for being a bit a problem station. people are constantly getting stabbed and struck by lightning, evan buckley in particular seems like maybe he pissed off god personally. they exchanged a few words here and there, laughed at a few of the others jokes, but every time they lock eyes, buck makes quick work to look away and bite the inside of his cheek. adam specializes in hurt and believe him, buck seems... hurt.
it isn't until they bring in a young kid, probably 16 or 17, with bruises and cuts all over his body. he was beaten until- well, until it was pretty touch and go for a minute there. two of them hang back in particular, hen and buck. he's talked to hen before, back when she was going through med school, she told him about her wife and kids, how hard she was fighting for them, how draining it was. adam joked about that sounding familiar, he remembers med school well enough when he was single, he couldn't imagine it with a partner and a kid.
the two of them were standing together, watching the kid be carted away, both biting their cheeks and clenching their fists. hen whispered something to buck and patted his back.
"i know, it's just- god, that was brutal." buck wipes his face.
"that's why we look out for each other." hen squeezes his arm and walks away.
"does he have anyone to look out for him?" buck says to himself
interesting, he doesn't know the full story- just that that kid looked like he was in a hell of a lot of pain. and judging by the rainbow bracelet around his wrist, he's guessing he knows why.
he's about to work himself up to go talk to him. there's something about his eyes, wide and sad and so deep in thought he wonders how he pulls himself out.
they lock eyes again. adam gives him a tiny wave and an awkward smile. buck looks like he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar and returns the nicety before bolting out the door. hen notices and looks back, processing something in her head. she smiles but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.
then buck shows up at the hospital later in his civvies, rubbing his hands together.
"hey!" adam says just a little too loudly, cringing.
buck jumps a little, like a scared deer, adam absolutely does not think it's the cutest thing in the world.
"uh, h-hi." buck is still whining his hands together.
"adam! sorry, i don't know if i ever gave you my name or if you remember-"
"i do." buck smiles, "yeah, i remember."
"good." and then he just stands like an idiot for reasons he cannot grasp before remembering he should probably speak now, "are you visiting someone?"
"do you remember that kid from earlier? the one had the um-"
"the kid that got hate-crimed? yeah i remember. he's stable now. he had a rough night, but he'll pull through."
buck visibly releases a weight off himself, "oh, good. i just wanted to check in on him. i don't know, it was a rough call, it was driving me crazy not knowing."
adam put down his clipboard, nodding, "yeah, i mean, that stuff definitely hits home for me, for sure."
"it doesn't for me," buck says and oh, shit, i guess he's not queer, fuck did i read this wrong, "i mean! like- when i came out, i had so many people that cared about me. my sister, my-well- my dad, my best friend, my boyf-" buck cuts himself off and deflates again, "sorry. i just hated the idea that he didn't have that, you know?"
"no, i get it, don't apologize. that's-thats really sweet. visiting hours are almost over but i can see if he's up for it, okay?"
bucks nods, and maybe adam is a fool with a dumb little crush but he swears he blushes a little. he feels his heart bursting a little about it. he came back to this kid, felt the need to check in and ask about him, because he didn't have something that he did.
"pull it together," he whispers to himself as he walks away.
buck keeps coming back, too. visiting the kid as often as possible, playing cards, and giving him fun facts from some documentaries he's watched. adam perks up whenever he hears one that he's watched. he lets it slip that he watched the same one, went on the same wikipedia binge. buck does that smile softly and look away like you're about to throw thing he does. adam occasionally joins in on the conversation whenever he gets a free moment. and then eventually, the kid gets discharged and buck is there to see him off. it turns out he has an aunt out in texas that's far more accepting than his folks here. he swears he sees buck tear up a little as he walks out the door, waving back at both of them.
and adam fully expects buck to go back to being a first responder he sees a few times a week and exchanging awkward, stolen glances.
but he doesn't stop coming. buck shows up the next day with two coffees in his hand. adam waves at him and buck breathes like he's psyching himself up and walks over.
"you said you liked chai lattes, so, um, i figured-i figured you would-"
"thanks!" adam decides to put him out of his misery, "are you visiting someone?"
buck ducks his head and scratches his neck, his smile looking less tortured, "hopefully, if you were free, you."
"i was about to go on my first break, if you wanted to go for a bit of a walk." adam suggests.
"that sounds great." buck clears his throat.
"great, gimme just a second, alright?" he walks away and hears buck mutter what he thinks, "i used to be better at this."
a few weeks pass by like that. buck hovering just on the outskirts of his life, very careful not to step too far in, but still present in a way that drives him crazy. he can't stop thinking about him but he only gets him for fifteen minutes now.
"do you wanna go out for dinner sometime?" adam asks, trying to sound as casual as possible.
buck gasps, like audibly, like a woman fainting after meeting the beatles, "i-uh, i should probably get back, sorry."
oh, he watches him go. and then stop in his tracks. and then turn back around, "can i get your number actually? or instagram or something?"
trying to contain his excitement, he nods, because of course he nods. when a hot, sweet as fuck, puppy dog eyed firefighter offers you their phone number, it's a crime to say no.
eventually, they do end up on a date- or at least he thinks it's a date. he can't be sure. the wine certainly feels date-eske but he really can't be sure because buck is barely looking at him in the eyes. he picked his very best "possibly a date" outfit and went in with low expectations for anything other than a really pleasant, really awkward evening. he decides though that if he gets to spend it with buck, it feels worth the awkward tension. especially because sometimes, he can coax him out of it and he looks so- vulnerable, an open wound. he's like a starry sky that hides behind a cloudy night.
adam doesn't remember what he says but eventually they start talking about things that should probably be save for the 40th date, not the maybe, jury's still out first.
but adam definitely knows he says, "you seem like you've been hurt." because the moment he does, he wants to punch himself in the face after buck gets this horrified expression like adam just said he likes kicking dogs in his spare time.
then, the moment passes, and he clicks his tongue, "i used to be better at hiding it."
"it seems like maybe it's a good thing you don't."
buck shakes his head, "i also used to be better at this," he gestures between them, "dating, flirting, having a crush," which does get buck to smile and adam gets to see that twinkle in his eyes again.
"oh okay, so this is a date, noted. and- you're not terrible at it, it's pretty adorable, actually. and i'm hardly one to judge. i'm very familiar with hurt."
buck keeps smiling, "well, my hurt is a 40 year old firefighter-pilot who broke up with me a year ago, so- i don't know how familiar you are with that kind of hurt."
"oh, i am all too familiar with that kind of hurt. does this hurt have a name?"
buck sucks in a breath, adam gets the sense that he hasn't said it in a while, "tommy. tommy kinard."
adam feels like buck is cracked open right now, "are you not ready to move on yet? cause, i'm okay with just being friends!"
"i really don't want to."
"be friends? damn, okay-"
buck puts on a hand on his for a second and adam's heart flutters, "no, i don't want to be just friends. tommy was- well, i loved him. i mean, i-"
"still do?"
"god, i'm really cursed to fuck up first dates, aren't i?"
"it's okay. i mean, i like you. i've liked you for a while, you know? and i've had my own tommy, the one that got away, one i'll never stop loving. i think-" it hurts to think about but he knows it would hurt more to forget about it, "i think what our tommys have in common is that we never let them go, or stop loving them, but we-" he sighs, thinking about his own heartbreak, his own first love, his own missed connection, "we take the love we have for them and we can let it grow into love for others too."
bucks bites his cheek. adam briefly wonders if the inside of his mouth is scarred of all the biting, "i guess i'm scared of giving him up. like if i stop thinking about it or if i like someone else, he'll disappear and everything we had will just- vanish," he chokes out.
adam hums, "it won't. that's the great thing about tommys, right? they stay with you, you never stop feeling that love. you just- build on it and give it to the next person."
buck has tears in his eyes now, adam thinks he might too, but god he's looking at such a beautiful man, with such a big heart and he can't help but thank whoever tommy is for giving him so much love that he's overflowing with it.
"sorry-"
"don't apologize, this got heavy really quick and we're only half way through the bottle of wine," they both laugh into their glasses.
"i guess i'm a little- hurt, like you said."
"i'm a nurse, buck, i kind of specialize in hurt. and if you're willing to try, i'd like another date, one that i actually know is a date beforehand."
buck really does blush this time, "i can do that."
buck leans in and kisses him on the cheek on the way out, oh god, he's a gentleman too, i'm so screwed.
down the line, when they're celebrating their engagement in the same park they used to walk through on adam's breaks, he thinks to himself, not for the first time, oh, tommy kinard, wherever you are, whoever you're with, thank you for loving our man, and thank you for letting me love him just as much.
#okay i accidentally worked through a lot of my feelings for tommy during this lol#this was also not supposed to be this long#i got slightly carried away#i also cried a lot while writing the tommy part#tommy i love you so much and while i think the writing was dumb if buck ends up with someone else thank you for loving him the way you did.#i think in this universe tommy is with sal. in my head. and buck and tommy meet up later and talk about how important they were#how they'll never stop loving each other#and adam loves tommy too#i've been thinking about adam since before buck and tommy lol he's evolved since then#at first he looked a lot like christian keyes cause i was watching legends of tomorrow. but now i'm watching roswell nm and i imagined#michael for some parts of this for some reason#so which ever floats your boat i suppose#evan buckley#legit i put it all under the read bc i do understand if ppl are feeling fragile about it and dont wanna see buck moving on
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Don't mind me just kriffing SOBBING over our blueberry boy speaking onscreen for the first time in OVER FIVE YEARS
#I AM LEGIT SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW#AND HERA!!! SHE'S HERE!! TRYING TO PREVENT WARS AGAIN#i would like to see the broccoli boy next though thank you#AND SABINE#honestly i'm pretty okay with her potentially being force sensitive mainly cause she is in one of my favorite fan fics#mainly i'm just dying over the kanan parallels#and 'once a rebel always a rebel'#and HERA#and EZRA#and SABINE USING EZRA'S LIGHTSABER OH MY STARS#AND JUST ALL OF IT OKAY I'M LOSING MY MIND#star wars rebels#swr#ezra bridger
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WAITEEERR!! THERE'S SELFSHIP IN MY REGRETEVATOOOOR!!!!
P.S Click/Tap the Read More to know a bit of my Regretevator self insert 😊😊😊
Her name is Moore.
A being taking an angelic form in order for mortal prey to come closer. She tells she can take away your grief and sorrows; While her service is true, she is slowly chipping away the soul before ripping it away once her prey's at their most vulnerable.
Despite her appearance of innocence and purity, she enjoys the blood and guts. Tragedy attracts her.
Never shows her face. If her face's exposed to a mortal, their eyes would melt and burn off their face. She's fuuuuucked.
#🖼️ meera art.png#👁️ to dance with death 👁️#❤️ FollMoore 💜#regretevator folly#folly regretevator#folly#regretevator#regretevator selfship#regretevator self insert#regretevator oc#selfship#self ship#selfship art#selfship community#self ship community#s/i x canon#s/i x f/o#oc x canon#digital art#digital artist#Welcome back to another self ship art posting at midnight#Okay but I'll be serious; this might be my most personal... vulnerable self ship pairing yet#Like I legit LOVE Folly in an indescribable way and I'm a bit anxious to post them#I am... soooo normal about her and I love her eheheheheheeeeee#ok to rb
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Finding headcanons voices to the skellies is hard because one voice Im like "yeah!" And then I'll hear another voice and just go "fuck that works too"
And i repeat that cycle until im dizzy
#mothie talks#rambling of a madmoth#like okay i kinda like bob burgers voice for crust#but boysen i legit cannot get down#other va friends of mine that have down him makes his voice too gruff and i just dont know if i want that for him#one hand it does makes sense#but I'm conflicted
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