#i'm going to kill myself soon
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babymau5 · 23 days ago
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i wanna throw up so bad
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cconfusedkat · 28 days ago
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Hey Hi!!!!! i love to make fankid ocs (that arent rlly canon but its the fun part) and so for months i wanted to make a lambmura kiddo and Bam,,, We got the lider (lambspider child)
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The liderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (there's. there's Also. Spamb ?) (spimb,) (LADDER? No. no that Isn't A Possible Combination,)
Anywho over the past few days ive been making a few silly panels for fun 🥹🥹🥹 i think she'd be somewhat a problem child when shes younger but as she grows up shes usually told "where did that sweet little girl go" cuz shes become more quiet
The biterrrrrrr (she had a srs biting problem for a while)
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Aftermath of rarely concerned spider parent 🤲
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I am SO normal about domestic lambmura trust trust TRUST. TRUST. anyways yes not a canon kid to any au of mine like others I usually make,, but I still think Ajdaha is rlly cute gwhegfhr
11:00 am edit: I am now realizing the dialogue doesn't make sense chat. Shamura makes it up to lamb I swear they didn't skim past the fact that they taught their daughter how to poison people- I SWEAR . I DREW THE DIALOGUEE WHEN I WAS RLLY TIRED ,,,
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thermodynamic-comedian · 7 months ago
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had this random idea for a tmagp comic where sam puts a poster that just says "if holding onto something hurts, it's better to just let go" on the wall of his cubicle, and everybody has wildly different takeaways from that. like alice walks by it and goes "maybe i need to let him go" and gwen walks by it and goes "maybe this job isn't good for me" and celia walks by it and goes "maybe i need to accept that this is my home now" until lena walks by it and just goes "maybe i need to finally kill myself"
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poems-of-the-anentomologist · 6 months ago
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suffocating 
I’m doing the dishes again
Staring into the water
At that boy
How can I call myself a girl when the face that stares back
Is just another random boy
You’d see playing on a subrban corner
My name isn’t my name
People don’t call me by my name
I’ve been cut off
From everyone
If I died tonight
Nobody would notice
Just another kid
Just another teen suicide
It’s better than the alternative
To suffocate in this form
Would be preferable
To living in a world where nobody sees me
It’s better than the alternative
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sevicia · 2 months ago
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OC redraw of those 2 frames from Antiviral
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blimbo-buddy · 20 days ago
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what are the captain's motivations for crashing the ship in your rewrite? upon rewatching a walkthrough of the mobile game i felt it was implied it had something to do with how no one on the crew besides maybe the nurse seemed to really like or respect him/jim outright bullying him, and since you've given me an excuse to think about these characters in depth i'm curious
I would actually like to keep a bit of that whole “Jim bullying him” & “Nurse seeming to be the only one to really care about him” thing in just a teeny bit. But generally I have a rough idea that for sure I’m going to do a lot of reworking to based on where the story goes
And that’s the idea of tackling the subject matter of how companies refer to themselves like a family and (likely) subsequently tackling the family unit’s endorsed/ignored downsides and criticizing both instances mentioned. I do also want to do this as a tiny jab at the mw fandom's insertion of the characters into family dynamics
For whatever reason, Captain has a lot of attachment to the concept that his Crew is his family, his people to “love and protect and stay together with” . To be their papa bear.
This comes from one of the company’s motto's that, “A crew is like a family, love and help them like it!”
Perhaps he has some horrible attachment issues on top of this
I may also suggest that Earth is having a lot of layoff problems with jobs and the company they work for is no different
Maybe a second predicted great depression but that'll have to be figured out a bit. Life just isn't good back on Earth
In the case for the company though, a mass layoff will ensue that affects thousands of workers. This is what Captain is informed of by HR
Captain doesn’t know who will be laid off, including himself
But… the risk is too high
He doesn’t care if it was just him, but he knows that some, if not all of his crew is at risk of losing their jobs
It’s too many people that are predicted to be fired from the company…He seems them out in the streets. Cold, hungry, scared, alone. Without family.
His crew is at risk, his family will be torn apart. A father in this situation needs to take control.
He was always taking control. No matter how much his crew hated it all, he needed to control it all to keep them safe.
His crew may not like him they may even hate him, but they’d be safe
More importantly, they’d be together
But… he can’t financially support them all. He can’t help them all. God, no. It’s all going wrong; this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He would do anything for his crew, anything to stay together with them. Forever.
He sees on the screen ahead of him in the cockpit that the ship detects a nearing asteroid belt
It could lead to, at best, horrid injuries and damage. At worst, mass death of the crew
The computer’s autopilot redirects the ship’s course to avoid the belt and ensure they all head back to Earth
.....
Autopilot disengaged
I also have a rough draft idea in mind for this already rough draft character that these anxieties and fears pre-crash are exemplified by someone finding solace in his company and admitting that they never felt very accomplished, that things back on earth aren’t what they’re cracked up to be and they wonder how they’ll keep going in the current state that the world’s heading in.
I don’t know who would be telling Captain this, but it may actually be Nurse because as you mentioned, Nurse is suggested to at least tolerate Captain since she actually wanted to throw the party for him.
Though I would need to figure out how that fits into her character. I have some rough ideas but it’ll be hard when I already have a version of her in my mind that makes her more reserved (which is why she doesn’t share her actual name)
I'd also like to note that, had the song not been about romance, Breezeblocks by Alt-J would have been a perfect song to describe Captain. But alas
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yardsards · 10 months ago
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there's so many posts floating around that are like "if you stop joking about wanting to kill yourself, you won't think about suicide as much!"
and. in my experience, that's just been dead false.
when i was younger, i would casually joke about my suicidal urges all the time. it made my (often equally depressed) peers laugh along and connect with me, and it made the urges feel less scary, like i could conquer them and laugh.
i stopped joking about suicide as i got older. everyone said it was harmful to do, so i quit. and i think it actually made me feel so much worse. my suicidal ideations are now a dark taboo swirling around deep within me: something that i can't show outside of serious conversations in therapists' offices or to friends preceded with "can i vent about something?". serious conversations that don't really make me feel better and often manage to make the suicidal feelings look even BIGGER and more unmanageable to me.
i wish i could joke about it like i used to, but i can't. i'm more conscientious of others' feelings and reactions to me than i used to be (which is in some ways a good thing, but in some ways leaves me constantly muting and molding myself just to be more palatable to outsiders). so i can't bring myself to risk upsetting anyone with my dark jokes anymore: no matter if it's fellow suicidal people who may be understandably hurt by the subject, or if it's just mentally healthy people clutching their pearls because i dare be mentally ill in public.
and joking about these things is a lot more taboo now that it was just a few years ago as a teenager in the late 2010s. humor was more dark and ironic overall at the time. you could post like, a deep fried jpeg of a shrimp captioned "i want to krill myself!" and there was a general understanding that like, yeah some of the feelings there might be genuine, but it's still a joke and you can join in on laughing. but now something like that would be treated more like a cry for help.
i don't really have a solution to this cuz like, yeah there were people who were negatively impacted by the ubiquity of suicide jokes back then, and it's probably not something we as a culture should bring back overall. but GOD sometimes i miss it.
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violet-jessop · 3 months ago
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two nights in a row gripping ice cubes like i'm 14 this is fucking pathetic
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fernzwing · 7 months ago
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I feel like I just woke up from a coma sorry for not posting anything guys. 2024 is not a very happy year
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stargazinglesbian · 4 months ago
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legitimately what the fuck am i doing
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musical-chick-13 · 7 days ago
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Anyway, related to NOTHING, I think what I'm going to have to do is, with every person I meet, if I find myself feeling something that could even possibly hint at romantic feelings, I back off and ask for space and stop talking to that person.
#like. I can't stop myself from being interested in people but I CAN stop it from developing before it gets Bad™#is this extreme? probably. is it healthy? unlikely. but I don't know what else to do in order to protect myself. I cannot do this again.#I just can't. I'm not going to make it through this another time. yeah okay it won't kill me but I'll be dead inside forever. I'll risk#undoing what progress I've made on myself in the past few years. if this happens again I will almost certainly just...become a husk of#a person. incapable of doing anything with little hope of moving forward. which when I ALREADY have P/T/S/D from#another completely unrelated thing...if anything else comes in I'm just...not going to be able to pick myself up. I'll be so far down in#the canyon that it will just be IMPOSSIBLE to ever climb back up#do I WANT to be in a romantic relationship? yeah. but I know better than to assume I will ever end up in a situation where someone#I want also wants me. I was never made for that. sometimes you're just not meant to do various things. I'm not meant to do this.#you would THINK that I would have fully accepted and internalized this by now but. well.#like. idk. the thing is. no one is truly 'safe' in the sense of 'if I meet a new person in my peer group at this point there's no true#guarantee that I won't develop romantic feelings. it's comparatively UNLIKELY but it's not CERTAIN. I'm just trying to survive#I don't know how to do that if this is part of my life. like I said. I have a complete other unrelated disorder that I need to manage#I can't jeopardize my working through that#why is it so hard for me to be a person#ugh. hopefully my melatonin (which I did finally acquire!!!) will kick in soon and I can sleep dreamlessly for like 9 hours.
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cielosuerte · 18 days ago
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something distinctly sad & frustrating internally about watching someone go through something chronically awful & similar on the face of it to your own horrors & wanting to reach out and talk to them about it to offer support & knowing that by nature of the similarity that is almost definitely the last thing they want/need & so you have to sort of watch from afar and psychically beam your words at them and hope it clicks soon
#the paradox of never wanting to be a burden. of becoming someone that doesnt annoy anyone#is that you feel guilt for talking about the pain with others#and so. you falsely but understandably think isolation will be the perfect solution#''if i isolate then im suffering but if no one hears about it no one cares and no one is bothered so i win''#is a fundamentally cruel take. is the thing. and it is so hard to accept that because of the guilt and the feeling that there is no winning#but the thing is when you isolate and suffer people are now both worried about you and feel discarded. feel hopeless. etc.#and i dont think you should do everything for others. and i think when you are making choices for others it is worth being#realistic about what you are deciding for them and knowing when it is irrational#bc the thing is people do care and that does feel uncomfortable#and you do feel guilty for people being ''bothered'' by your suffering#and i understand the instinct to say no! the point of me isolating is so you dont feel bad about me! stop caring!#thinking this is the righteous thing to say to someone when really it is just something that hurts to hear#i'm still learning it too. i'm not perfect at it. i'm chronically suicidal and always going back and forth with myself about all the horrors#two things:#1) guilt is not absolute as an indicator of rightness. learn to recognize when it is lying to you.#2) the best way to unburden yourself to others is to not kill yourself. to find hope or curiousity or whatever will keep you alive and#grab it fiercely with both hands. to start to be kind to yourself when it's hard and to at least recognize the goodness of others#instead of cruelly dismissing them. i don't think therapy is the only answer or even the best answer. i think too much is too expensive#to suggest anything that isnt something you can do on your own#and it is fucking hard and feels impossible and you'll have a lot of bad moments with it but like. i know you can get to a place where#you're not cured but you're not cruel anymore. and it gets easier from there#ugh none of this will ever get to that guy but i just really wish him the best and ill respect his wishes and not think abt it anymore#but just for the record that does hurt bc i care about people and it sucks when im not allowed to but thats his perogative and#he is his own person and i just really hope things look up for him soon bc hes cool and has nice art
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cowardlycowboys · 3 months ago
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can't make a video cause I'm ugly but if I was mormon I'd be unhappy but at least I'd be loved to some extent at least I'd have a purpose at least I'd have something to do
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rejoiceandcomplain · 7 months ago
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sassyfever · 8 months ago
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SCREECHING FIRST PULL
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YES YES YES
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vaperarmand · 1 year ago
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It’s a whole four-ish sentences, alongside some forwarded paperwork, and it reads: Congratulations, Roman. This is a great opportunity for you. Looking forward to seeing what you make of it. Good luck. Fuck. Shit fuck. What? It’s so fucking sick that he almost turns to the also-now-defunct sibs group chat to ask Hey, did Gerri ever send you guys professional well wishes or do you think she actually used to sort of believe in me?
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