#i'm genuinely really happy with everything i've made this year though!

[show-tunes]

More artfight things for @unsanctitude / @longelk, @weredemonz, @/selenite and @goatingwild!

[killuaisaprincess]

happy new years to the person who stalked and bullied me with their 1,000 plus twitter followers while I had like 30 lol

Stillll was the best thing that ever happened to meeee NOT JOKING

THANKS FOR HELPING ME BECOME MY TRUE SELF ALMOST THREE YEARS BABY OF BEING TRUE ME

AND HAPPY NEW YEARS FOR EVERYONE ELSE LOOK AT THE PRECIOUS BABEY PRINCESS 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I AHHHHHHHH

[evermore-fashion]

Did I make a mistake?

As you're all well aware of I said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr thinking my decision was final. However after reading all your wonderful messages I started to have doubts about my decision. So for the last few weeks I've been trying to pinpoint why I thought I had fallen out of love with high end fashion as well as Tumblr itself and the answer has been in front of my face for the best part of four years. A broken down friendship that has been plaguing my mental health… until recently and I'm going to finally explain why. I had a best friend for the best part of 15 years that went downhill both slowly and unexpectedly. We met on a forum back in 2005 and hit it off instantly. We then met up and went on various holidays, attended concerts together, did mini weekend breaks away and got to know each other's families really well. More importantly they were the only person in my life who knew about this blog and shared my love for high end fashion. Like most friendships though it had its ups and downs but no matter what we always gravitated back towards one another, until March 2020. A week or so before COVID and lockdown took hold of our lives they told me they had met someone. I was genuinely happy for them, except for the fact they had let slip that I was the last person to know. This broke my heart and their trust as they continued to let slip more details that indicated that I was being pushed out in favour of a new crowd (aka university friends who they had told me they disliked a few months beforehand) alongside their new partner. They stayed with their partner on and off throughout COVID and I was either pushed out the door or let back in depending on their relationship status. The relationship came to an end for good towards the end of 2022 and as always I was let back into their life with plans for 2023 being made. However I held back knowing the hurt it would cause me if things suddenly changed again. This was also my breaking point with them as I wanted to protect my heart from anymore hurt, and I believe this is where my love for creativity began to faulter. Whilst I found my love for gaming I felt this mental block around Evermore-Fashion and Evermore-Grimoire which I thought was down to my passions changing. I was clearly wrong. The friendship was up and down for another six months, until last summer. They had got back in contact with me despite the fact they had started acting cold towards me which manifested in a crap Christmas and Birthday. Yet I was still willing to hear their side of the story, but it never came as they ghosted me and I haven't spoken to them since which hasn't been fun to deal with both mentally and emotionally. Although I now fully believe this is what was killing my spirit and everything I had loved for so long. Anyway fast forward to January 2024, I've said goodbye to my blogs and Tumblr when lo and behold I come across a social media post that changed everything. The ex friend had written something personal that contradicted everything they had told me (over their relationship break up) which not only angered me but it lit a fire under my butt to stop stewing in the "what ifs?" as well as holding on to a small bit of hope that they'd finally apologise for treating me like a piece of shit on the back of their shoe for so long. Not only that but I started to miss why I enjoyed being online in the first place. I checked out Vogue to see what was occurring during Paris Fashion Week and I yearned to share the Spring 2024 Couture collections on Tumblr (even though I still think it's still a toxic cesspit). Yes I could easily start this up on Wordpress or Instagram but let's face it, Tumblr is still the easiest place to start blogging creatively. So here I am. The fog surrounding my love for fashion has lifted alongside the mental and emotional baggage I've been holding on to for far too long. There's just one thing I'm still wondering though… do you guys forgive me (as I feel like I've messed you all around ) and is it okay to come back? 🥹

[graciereadshannigram]

hey fam, welcome to the April 2024 roundup of the best hannigram fics i've read this past month! i read over 100 fics total, and these were the cream of the crop.

as a reminder: the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.

that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes and as such, is incredibly subjective.

you can find past recs below:

February March

and if you have any recs of your own for me, PLEASE SHARE.

anyway, in no particular order, let's go!

~

A place you can never go by det395

Word Count: 84,596 Summary: When things don’t go according to plan, Hannibal makes a wish. He finds himself a year-and-a-half in the past and seemingly given another chance with Will. His feelings about the situation only get more complicated when he realizes he may not have completely lost access to his old timeline after all. A Digestivo canon divergence.

If you follow me, you probably saw me already raving about this fic. This was so fucking good, holy fucking shit. And also heartbreaking. Made me think a lot about the nature of reality and what does it mean for something to be "real." Plus, I really love fics that explore their shared mind palace because I genuinely think that is one of the more underexplored aspects of their relationship. Definitely heavy on the angst, but there is a happy ending!

even though our love is doomed by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 82,427 Summary: Hannibal solves the mystery of time travel and he and Will decide to go into the past and take opportunities previously missed along with rewriting the regrets they each hold. Changing the past does not effect the future and they have free reign to play as the please.

GIVE ME MORE THAN FIVE STARS PLEASE. I am obsessed with this fic. I've mostly stayed clear of time travel fics (aside from, you know, the one right above this) because the execution can be hit or miss, but let me fucking tell you. This was a god damn home run. There's a little bit of angst, but then there's also a chapter where Will challenges Hannibal that he wouldn't have been able to seduce him while Will was still working in Louisiana fixing boat motors. And obviously Hannibal decides to take that challenge.

Railroad Romance by OneWhoSitsWithTurtles

Word Count: 12,400 Summary: Hannibal is still Hannibal, and Will is still Will. Except Will is not part of the FBI and they meet on a two day train trip from New Orleans to Baltimore.

Dirty. Talk. In. FRENCH. Holy shit. Okay this was excellent. EXCELLENT. Perfect characterizations, and wonderful dialogue. Wow. Also, I love trains. Who doesn't love trains?

patroclus in furs by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 130,185 Summary: If Will and Hannibal hadn't gone into their respective careers, they would have become porn stars.

I had my doubts about a pornstar AU, but I've really enjoyed everything else by this author and it was over 100k, so I gave it a shot! And WOW. The characterizations of both Will and Hannibal were spot on and believable. A good mix of fluff and angst, and the author clearly put a lot of thought into the porn scenes. Tbh I'm probably going to reread this shortly.

Pavlova by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 33,369 Summary: It’s not like Hannibal didn’t know that Will was hiding something. It was after the third body drop a week ago that it became clear that Will had a secret that somehow involved the case, one he wasn’t willing to share yet, not even with Hannibal. At 6:43 AM, Will had texted Hannibal that a fourth body had been found and that he was on his way to the scene with Jack. At 8:06 PM, Will had stepped into Hannibal’s office, thirty-six minutes past his appointment time, and practically shouted “I used to be a stripper!” as loudly as his hoarse voice would allow him to. Hannibal Lecter, though not phased by much in life, has never been entirely able to predict Will Graham, but this is just… getting out of control. Alternatively, the FBI is hunting a serial killer targeting male strippers, and Will decides to throw himself into the fray. Hannibal is beyond pleased.

An AU where Will was a stripper in college and now he's working a case where he can be live bait as a stripper? Shut the fuck up. Mostly told from Hannibal's perspective, and it's just *chefs kiss*. Who knew Will giving Hannibal a lap dance would be so HOT. (I could have guessed.)

Lessons In Submission by wyldefire

Word Count: 5,173 Summary: Hannibal was stubborn, independent, and Will had always loved that about him, but there were times, times like these, in the midst of heat, in the midst of such a thorough breeding, when lessons in submission were necessary.

My only thought at the end of this was, "Shut the whole fuck up" in the best way possible. Smut. Just all smut.

A Very Special Guest by LesBeanBurrito

Word Count: 56,660 Summary: Season 1 AU in which Will stays for Hannibal’s dinner party after bringing the bottle of wine at the end of 1X07 Sorbet. Embarrassed and Sassy Will Graham meets Smitten Hannibal Lecter.

I LOVE a good season 1 AU and this was checking all of the boxes for me! There's a secret relationship, Hannibal actually gets Will treated for his encephalitis, Will finds out about Hannibal, etc. Very much loved the plot, and the characterizations were spot on.

lover to your nightmare (look what you made of me) by merrythoughts and ReallyMissCoffee

Word Count: 123,367 Summary: Driving back home, it’s then he reflects on Hannibal asking him to run away that night. To forgo their plans altogether, to slip away. [Canon divergent. Will confesses his betrayal and asks Hannibal to run away with him, but Will has a plan of his own...]

You want dark!Will mixed in with some incredibly jealous and possessive Hannigram? Hooo boy do I have a fic for you! The ending was a little abrupt, but it was the perfect mix of gut-wrenching angst and toxicity + smoking hot smut. I genuinely had to stop and focus on my breathing more than once.

On the Lam by shotgun_sinner

Word Count: 63,992 Summary: Post-Fall (Hannibal)season 4Crack Treated SeriouslyOn the RunWill Graham Discovers FanfictionExplicit Sexual Contentsexual identity crisisThat's Not Really A CrisisWill Graham is HannisexualMurder HusbandsHomophobiaMurder of a HomophobeHannibal Lecter Loves Will GrahamWill Graham Loves Hannibal LecterPower Bottom Will Grahamthey love each other your honorvery meta

This was such a fun read – I love the implication that hannigram fanfiction exists and it's all there for Will to accidentally discover. I adore this author and just thoroughly enjoyed how Will learned a thing or two about himself by reading smutty fics (same dude).

Golden Promises by shotgun_sinner

Word Count: 68,488 Summary: Hannibal (TV) Season/Series 01Alternate Universe - Canon DivergenceEpisode: s01e07 SorbetHallucinations?Will Hopes SoLELOplugSexuality CrisisThat Ends Up Not Being A CrisisWill Graham Has EncephalitisHannibal Gets Will TreatmentDeveloping RelationshipWill Graham's Dogs - FreeformBonding over fooddoting hannibalEventual SmutHannibal Lecter Loves Will GrahamWill Graham Loves Hannibal LecterAlana DisapprovesRimmingOral SexBottom Hannibal LecterTop Will GrahamBottom Will GrahamTop Hannibal LecterWill Graham KnowsNon-Consensual Drug UseWill Gives Him Shit For ItMurder HusbandsCannibalismis that tag even necessary?Hannibal Lecter Loves Max

This was fluffier than I typically read, but I told y'all I love this author. Pretty much no angst, and the smut, as always, was next level. Also, the idea that Hannibal would wear a solid gold butt plug to his dinner parties had me laughing before I even started reading.

What Hatches by HotMolasses (@snazzymolasses here on tumblr)

Word Count: 107,847 Summary: There is a village, nestled on the edge of an ancient forest where it is always winter. Few of the townsfolk ever venture into it, except for one lonely hunter named Will Graham. A loner who makes his living selling stag meat and spends more time with dogs than people, he finds his life changing when he comes face-to-face with a magical beast, one that he cannot get away from, and isn’t even sure he really wants to.

What started out as a curiosity about the monsterfucking tag on AO3 brought me to one of the most unique and interesting hannigram AUs I've read??? I'm as surprised as you are, if not more. I adored this fic and I loved how both Will and Hannibal were characterized and the plot and the smut (oh my god, the smut) and the ending? Phew. Go read this.

lay like a flood spills away by bleakmidwinter

Word Count: 35,733 Summary: Will starts going to a nude beach that happens to be for gay men, even though he considers himself straight.

This was highly enjoyable. I LOVE AUs that manage to keep the characters true to canon. Also nude beaches. Hannigram and nude beaches. Eating ass and public sex with some actual plot sprinkled in. Say LESS.

Now, What Should We Do Next? by HigherMagic

Word Count: 51,116 Summary: Kinktober 2018

Smut. All smut. I showed this fic to a friend who has literally never read fanfiction, let alone Hannigram, before and she is now hooked. So. Do with that what you will. And it's so clear that this author has actual, real-life experience with kink and it comes across so well! Bonus point: there is also an equally good sequel.

To Mend With Gold by beforethedawn, ConstructFairytales, Destinyawakened

Word Count: 98,863 Summary: Will and Hannibal have been living as a gay married couple for three years, but they haven't slept in the same room let alone the same bed. Will Graham has a reckoning, one way or another.

THIS WAS TENDER. Fluffy, angsty, smutty, I loved it. Molly showed up with Will's dogs and decided she wasn't going to turn them in, which was a little weird, but I really loved this fic. Just them learning how to be with each other. Also EXCELLENT marathon smut scenes. Like yesssss, of course they can each cum like three times in a row.

A Clutch at Balance by Deverauxs_Disease

Word Count: 25,466 Summary: When Will Graham storms into Hannibal's house muttering about kissing Alana Bloom, the good doctor makes Will an offer: Pretend to date Hannibal in order to prove to Alana that Will is not only stable but capable of being in a relationship. When Alana is convinced Will is the man of her dreams, Hannibal will step aside and Will can get his girl.

Y'all know I love fake dating that all of a sudden, whoops! Isn't so fake anymore! Sprinkle in some jealous and possessive Hanni and Will? I'm sold. Say less.

~

And that's a wrap on this month! See ya next time!!!

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's the Dog Days of BL Again

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Final Week

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 5 of 12 - The side couple is so damn pouty and adorable. So far as Yak and Dee are concerned, I love that they kept up with the cosplay stuff and didn’t just drop it as a one off. I'm just genuinely enjoying seeing how much fun they have together and watching them accidentally falling in love with each other and trying not to.

Linguistic corner!

I don’t normally watch any BTS stuff, but for reasons known only to my serotonin-seeking brain, I’ve been watching a few for this show. And I MUST talk about the way Great speaks Thai. It’s so different from all of the other Good GMMTV Boys. He’s way more casual. Not rude, but definitely not as formal or as polite as any of the actors around him. It’s difficult to describe but just LISTEN to the way he hops registers and pronouns pretty consistently. Sometimes in the same sentence. He even softens his polite particles. I've never heard an actor do that out of character. It’s fascinating. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he is older (then most of his costars) and comes outta the Bangkok club scene, and was older when he joined GMMTV. Frankly, it’s the closest I’ve ever seen on TV to the way people actually talked in Bangkok. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 eps - honestly these two shows are neck and neck for my favorites running right now and Wandee got the edge because it left me smiling, but yesterday, Stand-In would have come out on top. Such a great show. It’s so sinister. So not romantic. Which makes me feel like... it's not really a BL. And, yet, I DO NOT CARE. Because I’m enjoying its little evil soul so much. “Poor Joe” is pretty much all that goes through my head the whole time I'm watching, and I'm enjoying poking at that pain.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 9 of 16 - I love all of the 3rd wheels. Kluen is kinda great. And I’m not just saying that 'cause I have a crush on Title, it’s because Kluen is so open and genuine. (Unless they fuck up his character.) I even enjoyed the backstory for Fang and Tan. Honestly, the friendship group is the reason to watch this show, they’re great and funny, and make everything enjoyable. It’s a soap opera, like Only Friends, but gentle with its characters and us watchers. Which is what I really want from my BL. I don’t want all of this Friend Zone backstabbing bullpuckie. 

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - I like it, frankly more than I expected to. It’s a bit slow moving, but the characters are interesting and the dynamic of everybody living in the same house together is fun. I haven’t seen this style of housemates centered Thai BL in years. I identify FAR too closely with the crass-talking bug-killing pansexual. On a completely different note, I really hope Best and Seng have an NC scene together. Last week I would never have said that, but now I think they have good chemistry. Am I crazy?

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - They are sickeningly sweet boyfriends, and Moo is such a brat and so demanding. It’s charming. There was even a little bit of dancing together which I’m sure made @heretherebedork happy. Dancing okay but NO SINGING. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Asami's past was cool to see. I enjoyed that his character finally got fleshed out and given some solidity. However, it felt like it came a little too late. Even though I know this is the way Japan tends to roll with BL timing. I wanted to like him sooner then this. Now I'm not really that invested.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 fin - It was an extremely good and very satisfying ending for a JBL, which we cannot expect, so I'm disposed to dole out top marks for that. Also we definitely have a new contender for Namgoong award for best wingman. (Japan's favorite: the bespectacled variant.)

Summation:

Kindly Ryota goes to uni and ends up rooming with his former childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend for, as it turns out, cute roommate reasons. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake, the framing is gorgeous and it is a stylish piece. As a friends to lovers cohabitation narrative this was a classic 2000s sweet yaoi. I enjoy that kind of tradition out of Japan even if it (and the characters) come off as a little slow as a result. Still, it's nice to get a traditional BL out of Japan that is satisfying, not slapstick, AND did not hurt us. 8/10 recommended

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - gonna have to wait until next week, for mysterious hotel wifi reasons.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 2 of 10 - yeah I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed

VBL (Taiwan) is released 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 series on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu - watch each on the respective shows' page: You Are Mine, VIP Only, Stay By My Side, Anti Reset.

My Biker 2 (Thai movie trailer) suposedly released somewhere, search me.

The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) went to theaters, not sure if we will get this, and it may not be BL.

And here's a 2023 that I missed and finally watched:

After Sundown AKA Saengrawi

ZeeNunew vehicle from 2023, recut into a movie on YouTube. It's from Mandee and horror, yet I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

Pronoun use is ter/chan or rao (no nai or pom) because of the historical setting + softness of the relationship.

It's oddly sweet and wholesome, for a ghost story. Phloeng and Rawee enter into an arranged marriage for confusing prophetic reasons and a twisted fate, solving a mystery of the past that is haunting Phloeng's family and harming Rawee. Honestly, it makes no actual sense, but it's kinda historical, and very pretty, so I enjoyed it more than I should. 8/10

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/7 My Love Mix-Up (Fridays Thai Adaptation not sure where this will air) - I do love G4 and I did like the original and maybe this time these characters will actually kiss? I'm actually fine with this pick-up. I kind of enjoy seeing different countries remake the same IP. Especially if it's IP I'm mostly unfazed by.

6/7 The Last Time (Thailand Fridays YouTube?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something?

6/9 Love Sea (Thailand Sundays MAME warning iQIYI - New characters to the Mameverse. While travelling, a writer has a one night stand with a very irritating man. YES I WILL TRASH WATCH THIS. Drinking will happen on Sundays I guess. (Look, I do usually travel on weekends, so it may end up being Monday Mame Trash - which jives.)

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Saturdays) Star Hunter and MosBank on iQIYI so if nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

Why You? (Khmer movie - Billed as a horror romance BL this is supposed to release this month.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

In my world we call this smug. (Only Boo!)

LOOK AT HIS ARM?! This has been your Goodness Gracious Great Guns Of Huge 2024 moment.

(All Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[elaemae]

What did Og!Cale sacrifice?

Genuine question...

Hear me out;

I'm reading the latest chapter of 'In an Instant' by Messy_haired_bum and something just clicked in my head.

See, I know that the Og!Cale is a fan favorite, something that I didn't really understand because we don't know a whole lot about the guy, but there's just something that's been stopping me from getting enamored with him via various fanfictions I've read even though they've made the Og!Cale very lovable, and I didn't really know what it was, for a long time, until now.

There are various posts circulating around saying that Og!Cale sacrificed himself greatly with the deal he made with the GoD, and at a time, I believed that. But... reading this chapter opened my eyes and made me think, what did Og!Cale sacrificed?

What did he sacrifice that he didn't already lose?

A lot of ppl say that Og!Cale lost everything to be KRS but the only thing he had left was his identity. That's... not a lot to be honest. Not enough, actually.

Now, I can hear y'all thinking "Current!Cale got his wealth, backing, and a family–", but so did Current!KRS.

Current!KRS also didn't need to deal with a world war involving a megalomaniac, entire enemy nations, and a literal divine being.

Og!Cale was a foot soldier for 40 years, most likely didn't help a lot against Arm and The White Star, and he died without any (known) great feats but he's given such an amazing opportunity to take over the body of someone that'll need to deal with all those problems? An opportunity of rebirth that even Lee Soo Hyuk wasn't given until he gave one up of his abilities to help seal a deity?

He knows he couldn't shoulder the burden of saving the world so he just... washed his hands off that responsibility... And then occupied the body of a high-ranking well-known individual to then go off and get a happy ending with his reincarnated mom.

As the excerpt above said, it's a win-win for him, he doesn't get soul-crushing responsibilities, he gets a high-ranking position that grants him power, he can deal with the learning curve due to being given Og!KRS's abilities and having an actual reliable guide, and he gets to be back with his mom.

And...

... If Current!Cale ever fails?

He can just shrug and say it's not his problem anymore.

He's got his new happy life now. (I'm not saying he will, I'm just saying he could, if he was a lesser man)

Current!Cale lost everything he had too, all the fruits of his labors, the results of him dealing with all sorts of issues and problems for years, just... taken away by a stranger in his body. You can say KRS!Cale wasn't really happy, that Og!Cale didn't know if the body he'll end up in would be okay, that he gambled with his life in taking over Og!KRS's life.

Life that... he was about to lose anyways.

It just wasn't fair...

If we ignore the fact the KRS!Cale is literally thriving and just look subjectively at the situation of the body switch, KRS!Cale got the short end of the bloody, hellish, rotting stick.

I can only get closure if I personally find out if Og!Cale ever gave a fuck about the uninvolved, innocent guy that he sent to deal with a 20 year war, and not in the 'Is he doing the saving he's supposed to?' typa way, I want to find out if he ever feels guilty of the responsibility that he gave the man, if he ever worries for KRS!Cale's personal safety and mental health, for putting an innocent man through war. An innocent man that couldn't just stand by, as the world he found himself in, burns around him.

I don't want to dislike the current KRS, I want to love him actually, but this is my current perspective on the matter and you guys are free to share yours so that I can broaden my mindset about Og!Cale (pls do, I wanna like the guy but I wanna know if he's a good guy first, I wanna know why ppl love him so I can love him as well)

[rafasbiscuits]

I can't really wrap my head around the fact that Rafa is actually retiring. Like Rafa Rafa? Rafael Nadal? I've seen him play, watched his matches, seen him win impossible matches and did what people never expected him to do, win through injuries and all of that. The Rafa Nadal ? Who, despite winning 22 grand slams, won his first as a teen, still acts as if every win is his first and last.

The Rafa? The player I fell in love with, that made me love tennis? I just can't really believe it. Despite knowing this day will come soon, haunting me and every fan of his for every moment of his career. I can't believe it. Even though whenever he gets an injury I always thought, “This is it. This is the day he retires.” and every “Hola a todos” he said this year always gives me a heart attack but his retirement never came, but now it did and it's real and that time actually came—and I can't believe it's true and I'm genuinely heartbroken and in disbelief.

Rafa will always be my most favourite tennis player ever, not just as an athlete but as a person too. So strong, so humble, and it's kind of bittersweet because in my head I always wish he would retire whenever he gets serious injuries, I hate seeing him in pain because he's always pushing himself. Now I really hope his retirement will be as fun for him as it is for Roger. I wish I could meet him and say thank you to him a billion times because he had done so much for me without really knowing I exist. He brought so much happiness in my life and he did it all by just being himself. Thank you for everything, Rafa. We love you so much.

[ripdragonbeans]

Love In The Darkest Of Places // modern!Aemond x Reader

Chapter 6: Meeting Her

Summary: You meet Professor Alys Rivers for the first time over dinner.

Warnings: angst

A/N: @exitpursuedbyavulcan is the best beta ever

Chapter 5 // Chapter 7

Aemond’s apartment was just like you thought it would be: simple and to the point. There were few knick-knacks but the ones that held a great deal of value to him. What you noticed, however, was the lack of photos of you and him. In his dorm, there had been countless photos of the two of you decorating the walls. You were absent here.

You sat next to Aemond on the couch in the living room. Not too close though, as much as you wanted to, you couldn't be so close to him without breaking down in your loss.

“I started seeing Alys about two months ago,” Aemond said. He played with his fingernails as he told you his story. “I was lonely and she was nice. She helped me with my work and would actually hold a conversation with me instead of turning away. Alys… filled something that was missing in me, and I welcomed that.”

Aemond’s words stung you to the core. This was all your fault. If you hadn't run away, he wouldn't be with Professor Rivers. “So…Alys.” Her name tasted like coal on your tongue. “You love her?”

He blushed and turned away. “I don't know. I care for her, and she makes me happy. It's nothing like what I felt for you, though.”

Felt. Past tense.

“Why did you come over here, anyway?” He asked you.

It was your turn to blush. “I just…uh...” you didn't know what to say. “I missed you, honestly. I asked Helaena to bring me to you.”

“Oh, okay, cool,” he shrugged. Then he gave you a small smile.

Oh, gods, a smile. You thought you'd never receive one again. “I was stupid,” you blurted. “I came back to tell you I was stupid and I want to give us a chance.”

Aemond blanched. “Oh. That's… oh.”

Silence fell between you.

“I'm so sorry, but I'm with Alys now,” he said carefully. “And I waited for you. I waited for you for years, and you kept denying me, so I decided to move on.”

Tears brimmed in the corners of your eyes. “Is there anything I can do to make this better? To make us better?”

“Support me and Alys. That's the best thing that you could do for me, honestly. I really like her, and I don't want her to get in trouble for being with me. Once we graduate, we’ll be able to be with each other openly, but right now, we need to be quiet about it,” he said. “And I hate it. I really do. I hate having to be quiet about someone I care about.”

“Support you and Alys,” you echoed. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Maybe,” Aemond said hesitantly, “maybe… you’d like to meet her?”

Your eyes widened. There was nothing you wanted to do less than meet her. Could you even do it? Meet the woman who now holds Aemond’s heart? It seemed impossible. Meeting her would mean that you would have to accept that Aemond has moved on.

“Sure, I’d love to,” you said instead.

It was Aemond’s turn to be surprised. “Are you sure? You don’t have to lie to me. I know it would be painful for you.”

“The pain I would feel is nothing compared to what you went through the last many years. I’m sure I can handle it.”

Aemond smiled. It was a true smile. He was genuinely happy. “That’s great, I’ll tell her and we can work out the details.”

“Tell me about her,” you said before you could stop yourself. Wondering what he saw in her was killing you from the inside out.

“She sees me,” he stated simply. “She sees me in a way no one else does. Alys doesn't find my eye patch scary or unsettling. She sees me for me, and I haven't had that since… well, since you left.”

“Aemond, I'm so sorry I left.” You covered his hand with yours.

He didn't pull away.

“I will never leave you again, this I promise. Together forever, Aemond. I made a mistake, and I've never regretted something so much.”

“I told Alys about you. That you're my best friend. She doesn't know that I told you about her. She wants everything to be quiet between us.” He took a breath. “If the school finds out we're seeing each other, she could lose her job. I don't want that for her. You have to keep this secret,” he reiterated.

“I will. I promise it.”

You met Alys the next week. Aemond told you that Alys would take both of you out for dinner at a fancy restaurant called Harrenhal. Unsure of what to wear, you put on a blouse and a jacket paired with nice jeans. Of course, your necklace adorned your collarbone. Nothing too fancy, but not exactly casual either. As you sat in Helaena’s car, nerves tingled all throughout your body.

“I don't want to do this,” you whispered.

Helaena glanced at you, sadness in her eyes. “I know you don't, but it's for the best. I'm so sorry this happened.”

You took a shaky breath. “I did it to myself, Hel.”

“You can do this,” was the last thing she said before you exited her car.

The first person you noticed was Aemond. His silver blond hair was tied up in a bun with a few strands framing his face. He looked uptight, too tense, like something big was going to happen. Seeing him like this made your stomach drop. This wasn't him. He wasn't always this tightly wound.

Next to him was Professor Rivers. Her raven black hair cascaded down her shoulders. Her lips were painted a deep red, and her smokey eyeshadow made it pop even more.

Jealousy coursed through you when you saw her holding his hand. That should be you. Not her.

“Hey, Aemond,” you gave a smile.

His eye lightened when he saw you but only gave you a nod. Your face dropped when he didn't give you his usual smile. When he saw your reaction, he quickly rectified it with a smaller smile. Not his usual one when he saw you but it would have to do.

“So you’re the best friend,” Alys said. “Nice to meet you. I’m Alys Rivers.” She held out a hand for you to shake.

“I know who you are,” you blurted. “I mean,” you cleared your throat. “I mean, I attend the university, Professor Rivers.”

“Oh, Aems didn’t tell me that.” She gave him a side-eye.

Aems. That was your nickname for him, not hers.

Aemond looked at her sheepishly. “She's my best friend, I had to tell her.”

“You didn't have to tell her,” she bit back.

You were quick to come to Aemond’s rescue. “I won't tell anyone, I promise.”

“Hm. Okay.” Alys turned around and led you and Aemond to an open table.

You followed her dutifully as though you had no other option. Alys smiled at the owner of the restaurant as she passed him.

“Ah, Mr. Strong, how nice to see you,” she said before she kissed his cheek.

“Ms. Alys,” he cooed. “It's always great to have you here. Table for two, I presume?”

“Actually, three this time. My new man wanted to introduce me to his…friend.” She said it as though she was less than excited to have this dinner. “And I figured where else would be better than here at Harrenhal?” She gave a dainty laugh and turned to you and Aemond. “Come.”

After twists and turns around tables, Alys finally led you to an empty one. Harenhall was a busy restaurant. Patrons were coming in and out constantly, and they were all dressed their best. You looked down at your jacket and jeans combo and tried to hide behind Aemond. Instinctively, you reached for his hand, but Alys caught you and sent a glare your way. Recoiling immediately, you tucked your hands into your pockets and tried not to cry. There was no way Aemond was actually into this woman. She was so… cold.

When Alys sat down, she patted the chair next to her as though Aemond was a dog to be called. Cheerfully, Aemond sat down next to her and pressed a chaste kiss on her cheek. Alys smiled before taking Aemond’s chin in her hand and devouring him in a harsh kiss. You stood there, unable to move, completely at a loss of words.

Aemond, your best friend, your love, was just pulled into a hot make-out session with his professor/girlfriend in the middle of a fancy restaurant. After a minute of watching them and holding back tears, you coughed awkwardly and sat down.

Alys let out that dainty laugh when she separated from Aemond. “I'm sorry, I just can't get enough of him,” she smiled.

Aemond was flushed, his shirt slightly ruffled. He didn't look at you. He looked straight past you in bliss.

Alys coughed. “So, tell me about yourself, best friend of my handsome man.”

“I'm a senior at the university, much like Aemond. We've known each other since we were children and have been close ever since. We've been together through thick and thin.” You didn't know why you were going into how close you and Aemond used to be. It was almost as though you wanted to tell her that she will never be what you are to him. “I was there when the big accident happened and I've always been by his side. I -”

“Now, I'm going to stop you right there,” Alys said coldly. “You are lying. At least partly. You're not as close as you said you were. If you were then Aemond must be lying to me. But, I would believe him over you any day. You're not close. Maybe you were once, but not now. No, from what he's told me, you two have drifted far apart.” She laughed. “You didn't even know he moved! Not quite best friend-like, don't you think?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes, Aemond and I have grown apart, but I still care for him.”

Alys gave you a mocking pout. “You're not his best friend, not anymore, sweetie. That's my role now.”

You gaped at her. “Aemond, you're going to let her talk to me like this?”

Aemond just stared at you. “She's telling the truth, isn't she? We haven't been close since… since you left.”

“And since you left, it was me who came in to save him,” Alys chimed in. “Oh, and what was that little phrase you two say to each other, Aemond?”

Aemond told her?

“Together forever,” he mumbled.

“Yes, that. I don't think you should be saying that to him anymore. You're not a couple. That's me and him. Not you. You broke that promise when you left him.”

After holding back the tears for so long, some finally slipped out. You didn't want to give Alys the satisfaction of your tears, but you couldn't stop them.

“And your necklace. It looks like the sapphire Aemond has.”

You gasped. She's seen Aemond’s sapphire? Does that mean that they’ve… no. You refused to think about it.

“Maybe you shouldn't wear it anymore. If anyone knew what it was they would get the wrong idea. Oh! I have a better one.” Alys smiled cruelly. “You give that necklace to me and all will be okay. Do you know how much it probably hurts him to see you wear a promise that you never followed through with?”

“No!” You all but shouted. Covering the necklace with your hand, you pressed it close to your chest. “It's mine,” you growled. “And yes, I made mistakes that hurt Aemond, but I refuse to be thrown out like I'm nothing.”

“Oh, sweetie, he's not even helping you.”

You looked at him. “Aemond, please,” you begged.

“I'm sorry, but Alys is right. We haven't been close in a long time. I won't make you give your necklace, that's yours. But… we do need to stop saying ‘together forever.’ That’s me and Alys now,” he said.

As you shook your head, more tears fell. “This was never supposed to be a nice dinner, was it?”

Alys sighed. “Well, it was. Then you went and spewed all that shit about being so close with Aemond. I won't stand for that bull. You hurt him. A lot from what he's told me. If it were up to me, I'd cut you off completely, but Aemond doesn't want that. He still values your friendship despite the shit you've put him through.”

“Okay,” you said quietly. “I'll leave.” You took one last look at Aemond, one last goodbye, but he wouldn't even meet your eyes. “Goodbye.” You got up silently and pushed your chair in. Keeping your head held high didn't even cross your mind.

“It's better this way,” you heard Alys say. “She’s not good for you. I am.”

“I was gone for maybe thirty minutes. What happened?” Helaena asked.

You had called her as soon as you left the restaurant. Of course, the weather matched your mood; it was raining. You let the rain wash over you and mingle with your tears.

“He's gone. I'm dead to him, Hel,” you told her. “Please come and pick me up. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere.”

“Stay on the phone with me. I don’t want to leave you alone. I should be there in a few minutes,” Helaena said. “Tell me your full name, where you are, and one thing for each sense.”

She was trying to ground you. Helaena knew you almost as well as Aemond. That thought made its way to the front of your mind and fresh tears ran down your face. You sniffled into the phone.

Helaena’s voice danced in your ear. “Stay with me. Your full name, where you are, and list one thing you can feel, two you can smell, three you can hear, and four you can see.”

After taking a shaky breath, you gave her your full name. “I’m outside Harrenhal,” your voice caught at the name of the restaurant, causing you to whimper. “I can feel the rain running down my body. I smell food and wet pavement. I can hear cars passing by, people talking, and the splashing of puddles as people walk. I can see the rain, the wet trees along the sides of the sidewalk, a colorful umbrella keeping a lady dry, and your blue car pulling up to pick me up.” You smiled a watery smile as Helaena got out of the car and wrapped you into a hug.

“You’re going to be okay. Let’s get you home.”

Getting into the car was difficult. Your body didn’t want to move. Eventually, you were able to make it in. Normally, when you’re in a car, you look out the window. That wasn’t the case this time. You refused to look at the place where your heart was torn out. So instead, you closed your eyes and leaned against the window as Helaena drove off. If you had looked out the window, you would have seen Aemond, watching you leave.

The drive home was silent except for your occasional sniffles. You couldn’t stop crying. Every time you thought you were done, a new thought would enter your head and a new wave of tears would begin its flow.

Once Helaena pulled up at the apartment, she opened the door for you and helped you out. You were completely numb. You didn’t want to do anything. Nothing felt right anymore. You had no energy.

Once you were in the apartment, Helaena walked you to your bed. She helped you out of your soaked clothes and carefully got you in your pajamas. Once you were in new clothes she wrapped you up in blankets. “I’ll be right back,” she said before she left the room.

Alone, your thoughts spiraled.

He hates you.

He chose someone else over you.

And that someone has convinced him that everything you’ve been through was fake.

Helaena returned with a cup of hot chocolate. She encouraged you to hold it and take a sip. “Tell me all what happened,” she gently said.

“I met Alys,” you said between sniffles. “She’s so cold and fake. I don’t know what Aemond sees in her. She’s manipulating him. I know she is. How? I don’t know.” You took a sip of your hot chocolate. It was warm, and a feeling of comfort washed over you. “She basically told me I needed to stay away from him; that I’m not his best friend anymore. She tried to take my necklace, Hel!”

“She what?”

“She told me that wearing the necklace hurt Aemond and that I should give it to her instead.”

“What did Aemond do?” Helaena asked.

“He said that I should stop wearing it, but that I could keep it. But,” you stopped to take a breath. “Alys also said that we need to stop saying ‘together forever,’ that it was her who was now together forever with him. Not me.” Your voice broke. “And Aemond agreed with her.” Breaking down into tears again, you set the cup of hot chocolate down and curled up tighter in your blankets.

Helaena hugged you. “I’m so sorry. He’s being stupid,” she said. “I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but it isn’t right. He’s always looked at you with so much love and cared for you like no other.”

You shook your head. “Not anymore, Hel. He made that very clear.”

“He’s an idiot. He’ll pull his head out of his ass and see Alys for who she truly is soon.” She pulled away from the hug. “Now, though, it’s time for you to get some rest.”

“Will you sleep here?” you blurted out. “I just… I don’t want to be alone.”

Helaena gave you a soft look. “Of course.” She climbed into the bed and wrapped her arms around you.

And with that, you fell into sleep, wrapped in the arms of your friend.

When you woke up, Helaena was gone but you didn’t worry. You could hear her singing as she made breakfast. You felt a bit lighter since falling asleep, but there was still a weight on your chest.

Your heart ached for Aemond. There is no one in the world you wanted more than him. You missed Aemond; it was plain and simple. You missed your best friend. Most of all, you missed what could have been.

“I brought you breakfast,” came Helaena’s voice from the doorway. “I grabbed you some orange juice, and I made pancakes.”

When Helaena offered the plate of food and the cup of juice, you gratefully accepted it. Eating took effort. It was like you had to encourage your body to move and go through the actions. If you let yourself go on autopilot, you would just stop. You knew better than to let that happen. You had to keep going.

“I think I'm gonna call tomorrow a mental health day,” you told Helaena as you finished up your breakfast.

“That's a good idea. You could go to class but you wouldn't retain anything with how you're feeling,” Helaena agreed.

You sighed, clinking the forks on the plate. “I'm at a loss of what to do. I'll rest tomorrow, but I can't do nothing forever.”

“No, you can't. What we can do,” Helaena started, “is take today and tomorrow to rest and reevaluate everything.”

“Yeah, I like that.” You gave your friend a smile. “Thank you for the breakfast, Hel.”

After you returned your breakfast dishes to Helaena and she left your room, you got up to get ready for the day. At your vanity, you stared at that sapphire necklace. Alys was right. It hurt Aemond every time you wore it. A broken promise. For the first time since you lost it those years ago, you didn't put it on.

Days went by, and you heard nothing from Aemond. Granted, you didn't really try to reach out to him either. You were at a standstill.

Attending classes had gotten somewhat better. Aemond was no longer actively avoiding you but he wasn't making any effort to see or interact with you either. One day, you tried to talk to him but then Alys showed up and glared at you until you walked away. Aemond didn't see her.

Defeated, you walked through the stairwells of one of the college buildings, not wanting to take the elevator. While trudging up the stairs, you heard moans. You prepared yourself to find Aemond again, heart already hurting. But there were more sounds this time. The sound of bodies hitting bodies. A fast pace, a rhythmic pace.

Your stomach dropped at the potential sight of seeing Aemond fuck Alys, but it was too late to turn around now.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes as you took the last steps.

“Oh fuck,” it was Alys who moaned. You knew it was her. It was the same sultry voice.

“Fuck, I'm gonna come.”

That wasn't Aemond's voice.

Your eyes shot open and widened.

Alys was cheating on Aemond.

What you saw in front of you was Alys pressed against the wall by some other guy. Her skirt was pulled all the way up, and her blouse and hair were ruffled. Her lover’s pants were pulled down low enough to free his cock but was otherwise clothed. He was aggressively pounding into her, and her face was contorted in bliss.

“Fuck!” She shrieked in pleasure.

The nameless guy thrust into her one last time, emptying inside her.

Alys turned around and grabbed the guy into a bruising kiss. When she separated, she pulled her skirt down and looked at you.

“Be a dear and don't tell Aemond, sweetie. Not that he'd believe you.” Alys winked at you before pressing another kiss to her lover and walking down and out of the stairwell.

You stared at the guy, and he winked at you. “Want to be next?”

“No, I'm good.” And with that, you left the stairwell and went to class.

The next time you had class with Aemond you made sure you stopped him.

“Aemond! Wait up!” You called to him.

There was no Alys this time to stop you. Aemond looked around, confused, but relaxed a bit when he saw it was you calling his name. It had been a while but you've always been able to put him at ease.

“Wanna walk and talk? It's been a while,” you said when he caught up to you.

“Yeah, sure,” he gave you a smile.

Gods, your heart warmed with that smile.

“I miss you, you know? I've missed my…” you hesitated. “Friend. I tried to reach out to you, Aemond, I really did.”

Aemond looked guilty. “At first, I was ignoring you,” he admitted. “I couldn't handle the heartbreak of you not choosing me, of leaving me. And then Alys came along. When I told her about everything between you and me, she suggested that I block you. So I did.”

You scoffed. “So quick to listen to her.”

“She was there for me when you weren't!”

“If you didn't block me, I would have been there sooner! If you responded to me I would have been with you. We could have been together, Aemond!”

“But we aren't. I'm with Alys, and you're -” he gestured to all of you “- you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don't doubt you'll find someone. Someone is out there for you.”

“...You, Aemond. That person is you.”

“We don't know that! Maybe I was at one point, but I'm not anymore. I'm Alys’.”

You shook your head. “No, please don't say that. Don't leave me, Aemond.”

“I'm not leaving you. I'm letting you go.”

He grasped your hands and a shock rippled through you. He hasn't touched you since… you don't even remember when.

“Find someone who is good for you. For some reason, that couldn't be me, no matter how badly I wanted to be. Alys…she's good for me. She's not as good as you could have been, but she cares.”

“Aemond,” you hesitated to tell him what you saw. “Aemond…she's cheating on you. I caught her with another student fucking in a stairwell.”

Aemond lost all color in his face. “You're lying. Alys cares about me. She’d never do that. She loves me.”

“Do you love her back?”

“I… I don't know. But no, she couldn't have cheated on me. She promised me there was no one else but me.” He started playing with his fingernails.

“You can talk to her, but she's going to deny it.”

“Because it's not true!” He yelled. “No, you're lying.”

“Aemond, I would never lie to you. You know that.”

He looked at you with a tear falling out of his good eye. “But you've broken promises. That's just as bad.”

“You know I never meant to hurt you,” you pleaded.

It was Aemond’s turn to scoff. “That's what they all say, you know? No one meant to hurt me; it was all a mistake. I'm done with that.” He looked at you and schooled his face into something hard. “I think you need to go. We shouldn't be near each other.”

“Aemond, you can't mean that.” Tears fell down your cheeks. “Please don't shut me out like this. I'm telling you this because I care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt!”

“You have to let go of me. I let go of you. We both know it's better this way.” Aemond sighed. “You can delete my number. You're still blocked on my phone, and I won't be changing that.”

“Aemond…” your voice broke.

“I gotta go. I'll see you in class.” He pushed by you and walked briskly ahead of you.

You waited for him to look back.

He never did.

[wetcatspellcaster]

2024 fic wrapped

I was tagged by @cursedhaglette to do this tag-game, but I found the focus on stats made me a little uncomfortable! (also, no one needs to know how many words I wrote while having multiple breakdowns last year, truly).

But, I didn't want to ignore Mia's tag! so instead, I'm going to take @cinnamontails-ff wrapped tag-game, just bc I sympathise with the logic and I like this set of questions a lot more!

Thank you Cin for coming up with questions that don't focus so much on productivity. And thank you again, Mia, for including me in the original game :) hopefully this is an acceptable substitute!

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

I guess, what it feels like to be a 'popular' author - and the answer is, 'both good and bad, in fact, extremely mixed'. Obviously, many parts of it are wonderful: more people interacted with my work in the height of the BG3 fandom than I've ever had before, I felt like my writing mattered and I enjoyed every conversation I had about it. I also felt under a lot more scrutiny, very hyperaware of how I acted in 'public' (ie. on this blog), and aware of the people I'd disappoint with the directions I took my stories and what I chose to include. I also had to watch the baffling half-life of modern fandom! BG3's 6 month peak and 1yr trough was wild to me, as someone who joined dragon age 8yrs after the game was released. But I've decided I actually really like the middle-road of interaction, with much less noise and dedicated, recurring readers who I recognise and who make me smile and laugh every single time they comment or tag my work. I'll probably never experience whatever the fuck Pieces was ever again, and I'm honestly... ok with that, currently? Not to sound awful, but I'm not sure I liked it lmao.

In terms of my writing, my biggest learning point was "you're good at this, actually". Chanting this to myself in the mirror while I white-knuckle the sink.

How has your writing developed this past year?

I'm genuinely not certain. Pieces was certainly my most ambitious story yet, but a lot of the outlining of that took place in 2023 so it feels like the development happened then... though I suppose landing the dismount was something I worked very hard to do. I guess the main development this year was that a lot of what I wrote was extremely, extremely angsty. I wrote Pieces, I wrote This Is Not A Love Story. and I gave Rosalie to Orin :))))) this doesn't necessarily surprise me, given the way my writing often reflects things I'm dealing with in my life, and I've been trying to both recover from - and desparately stave off a relapse into - depression. I think that I can see why I keep making characters into the worst versions of themselves (this goes for Astarion, Rosalie - bc Pieces Rosalie is NOT in a good place, Gale and my Durge) and then watching them claw their way back to happiness in the hope of proving to myself that that's possible.

But jfc, it all got a little heavy. I've decided that 2025 is the Year of the Rom Com™.

Good writing habits?

Committing myself exclusively to what I want to read and sticking to my guns - which means I actually finish the thing, rather than getting into my own head about it.

Stretching my comfort zone a little (writing something vaguely smutty, writing something very different in style, switching genres for a bit) without losing my own voice.

Not falling into any jealousy/existential crises about my own writing, which I guess is much easier when you're experiencing a bout of 'success', but I've managed to keep it up even after the success began tailing off :)

I wrote a lot of words last year. I'm not putting the stat down but god. It was a lot.

Bad writing habits?

Overwriting everything. Everything. All the time. Party Favours was so short!!! I used to write novellas!!! Why are my chapters so fucking long now?????

Having multiple fic wips when I promised myself I'd wind down fanfic and start writing original work again :')

I wrote a lot of words last year. I think I did this bc I was extremely unhappy, and productivity is how I define myself. when I feel bad, I write and post bc it makes me feel good. And I felt very bad this year. So anyway, I think my wordcount is both a good thing and also a wee cry for help :'))))

Favorite thing you wrote?

Chapter Twenty-Three of Pieces (Mephistopheles consultation and my Ascended!Astarion meta-reveal)

Chapter Four of Cooler Than Me (putting the blorbos in a formal-wear situation)

I also liked my sex scene in Pieces :') it was tame but it was written for me specifically x

Favorite reads?

for fic!

long summer days can lead to lazy vices by @pouroverpaloma

eyes like fire by demonsbanebard

only once by @bearhugsandshrugs

and of course stitched into your sleeve by the bestie (@violacae)!!! my first ever gift fic!!!

for literature!

The Scholar and the Last Faerie Door by HG Parry

Long Live Evil by Sarah Rees Brennan

Deeplight by Frances Hardinge

Biggest win?

god. I'm endlessly grateful for my gift fic and for my fanart, but... it's got to be bookbindings. I used to daydream, about somebody ever wanting to have my fic bound, but I thought it was impossible and would never happen! I now know of 3 copies of my work that exist in the world :D and the ones I've seen were fucking gorgeous, like oh my fucking god.

I am also very proud I finished Pieces! It was my most ambitious project, and writing the ending presented even more challenges than I expected - as I discovered how much you write yourself into a corner when you resoul Astarion. I still haven't managed to read the completed work in full yet, but I'm proud it exists :)

Goals for the new year?

finish outstanding wips, and then see where my writing takes me next. I want to write original work, but I also don't want to make it a resolution. As long as I continue to enjoy writing, that's what matters most to me!

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

I think I use '[x character] froze' a lot, but rather than focusing on my repetitions I want to focus on some of my favourite turns of phrase that I managed to pull from the ether! :)

'before her brief courtship with death threatened to become a commitment' - from the risk and the reward

'We can all still be butchered. We cut away the parts of ourselves to make us fit' - from this is a love story.

"He played an androgynous, morally-grey vampire, of indeterminate gender! In a nice coat! Anyone who had two working eyes and a relevant Kinsey Score read the porn, back in the day!” - from cooler than me

What are you excited for in the new year?

act 3 astarion characterisation for honest lie! the first big romance moment in cooler than me! and then just romcoms! 2025 is the year of the romcom! I want to write exclusively happy things!!!!

tagging: @cursedhaglette (as it's a different set of questions lmao), @imscissorbladez, @violacae, @eraserspiral, @scaryanneee, @sitting-in-the-sink, @pricemarshfield, @pouroverpaloma and anyone else who wants to give this a whirl. anyone is welcome, and if you tag me in it I'll share x

[luvfy0dor]

“And I Need You Like a Heartbeat ♡⁠˖” BSD x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ Nikolai Gogol, Dazai Osamu, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Warnings: probably ooc, loosely proofread

Description: Valentine's drabbles with my fav BSD boys ♡⁠˖

A/n; HAPPY (technically early) VALENTINES DAYYYYY!!!! When I talk about chocolate I'm talking about Elmer's chocolate because it's literally so good, dare I say it rivals terrys oranges and I'm a ride or die for those. Also the pink theme is staying for a while bc i really love it.

⑅Nikolai Gogol⑅

→ Nikolai always made an attempt to truly 'woo' you on Valentine's day, he couldn't help himself! He had so much love to share with you, and how lucky he feels that there's an entire holiday just for going all out. He makes sure it's extra special, even though every other day of the year he showers you with his love for you.

Nikolai thought about all of your favorite things while he stood in a store picking out a card and gift for you. He wanted a silly but meaningful one, and that proved really difficult to find, so he decided to come back to it after grabbing you some chocolates. He wanted to get you the biggest box of chocolates possible, and if not that every single small box he could get his hands on. It either had to be comically large or a comically large amount. He grinned immediately when he saw the 72 piece heart shaped box of chocolates. He grabbed three of them excitedly, hoping you'd be ecstatic to receive 216 chocolates. He also wanted to get you flowers, so he made his way to the floral area of the store, picking out a beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses with some babies breath in between the flowers. He walked to self checkout and paid for his gifts for you, having decided to hand-make you a card out of card stock when he got home- that way he could make it as silly and genuine as he wanted.

Nikolai walked out of the store, his arms full until he opens his portal to set everything inside the car before he gets there. It allows him to reach into his pocket and unlock the car, quickly getting in and starting it while rubbing his arms to fend off the cold. He shivers before stretching out his arms and backing out of his parking spot, leaving the lot and heading home. He calmly hummed along to the radio until he reached your house, hopping out of the car and using his portal to gently set everything inside. Once he got inside, he immediately found the pens and papers, starting to write out his card to you. He drew intricate flowers on the white paper, coloring the organic shapes in with pink colored pencil. He wrote your name on it in scripty handwriting and used some red lip gloss to leave a kiss mark. He giggled with excitement and set up all of your gifts in a cutsey array before watching out the window for your car to pull into the driveway. When it finally did, he jumped up, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling from leaping so high. He walked to the door, unlocking it, opening it, and embracing you before you could even stick your key in the lock.

"Kolya, oh my gosh-!" You said, caught a little off guard by it, but you hugged him back. He kissed your cheek and pulled you inside, spinning you around and placing a proper kiss on your lips. "Happy Valentine's Day, darlin'!" He grinned as he spoke, his thumbs rubbing circles into your waist. "Thanks babe, you snatched me inside so quickly I couldn't even grab your gift that I put down-" you're cut off by Nikolais enthusiastic voice. "Oh, speaking of which! Sorry for cuttin' you off, but I've got a gift for you too!" He grabs your hand and leads you to the dining room where he had your array of things. He grabbed the flowers and held them out to you. You were a little stunned, but gratefully accepted them into your arms. "Kolya, those are so beautiful! Thank you, babe!" You hugged him tightly, noticing all the large heart shaped boxes of chocolate.

"And I also got you these and this card." He says, handing you the card and gesturing to the big boxes of chocolate. You immediately start to laugh. "Is something wrong?" He asks, a small amount of worry laced into his tone. You shook your head and walked to the door, opening it and grabbing the same box of chocolates off of the stairs. "I got the same ones for you!" You hand them to him. Nikolais laughter joins your own, but yours quiets down while you read the heartfelt card. Nikolai knew all the words to use to make your heart swoon. You set it down gently on the table and pulled Nikolai in for a kiss, his hands finding their way to your waist. "Mmn, thank you, Kolya. So much." You say, giving his pretty, pink lips one more peck and leaning your head in the crook of his neck. "Any time, sweetheart." He hums in satisfaction before a thought dawns on him. "Do you wanna watch movies and eat some of this chocolate for dinner instead of cooking?" You nod exasperatedly. "That sounds perfect right now." You extracted yourself from the hug and walked towards the couch, your boyfriend in tow with one of the boxes of chocolate. He put on a cheesy rom-com, the both of you laughing at the cheap jokes while snacking on the chocolates together- what a perfect Valentine's Day evening. ♡⁠˖

⑅Dazai Osamu⑅

→ Dazai gets really romantical, going as far as to cook a full meal for you. He puts his heart and soul into the dish, wanting you to come home to a relaxing and loving evening with the love of your life. He plates the food he spent oh so long on and lights the candles while waiting for you. He fixed his hair in one of the mirrors and hung up his apron that you gifted him in attempt to spark his culinary creativity more, and it surely did. He decided to really experiment tonight, after all, love was about taking chances, no?

His posture stiffened when he heard your keys in the apartment door right before you let yourself in. He walked out to greet you, noticing your tired demeanor. It all seemed to subside when you set eyes on him, though. "Hey, 'Samu. Happy Valentine's day." You said, your voice engaging rather than monotonous. You loosely draped your arms around his was and breathes in his scent. "Hey, babe." He greeted you, planting a kiss on the top of your head. "I made dinner for us. Filet mignon." He proudly says, rubbing a hand up and down your back. You raise an eyebrow but decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. You didn't think Dazai was the worst cook because he definetly did have his moments, he was just a little... unpredictable, per say. You walked into the dining room with him and can immediately smell strong amounts of cinnamon. You raised an eyebrow, but chalked it up to the candle on the table. When you sat down and observed the food, though, you realized that the smell was not in fact the candle and Dazai had coated the steak in cinnamon.

You stared at it for a moment. "Oh wow, Osamu, that's really thoughtful of you. I appreciate the dinner." He smiled at your thanks, grabbing his fork and cutting a piece of it. "I know it looks a little interesting, but you gotta take risks and try new things in life, babe." He says matter of factly, bringing the cinnamon coated meat to his mouth and eating it. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as you cut a piece off and brought it to your mouth. "'Samu, I'm sorry, I can't eat cinnamon on this." You say, reverting your attention back to him. You can't help but feel amused when you see his scrunched up nose and grimace. "Yeah, you know, I can't either. Oh, I'm sorry I ruined our romantic Valentine's Day dinner." He apologizes. "I got you some chocolates that I could feed you instead?" He proposes with a grin. His bony fingers hold up the heart shaped box of sweets while you nod in agreement. "That sounds great, actually, but you should probably brush your teeth first, that must taste disgusting."

It wasn't long before you were sitting on Dazais lap, your hands on his shoulder while he holds up a chocolate to your mouth, giggling with you while you talk with eachother about their memories and dates in the spirit of Valentine's Day. His other hand massaged your thigh while he listened to you talk, your voice like music to his ears. "That was a fun date, wasn't it?" He laughs, patting your thigh while you swallow a piece of chocolate. "Is it good?" He asks you, a small grin on his face. "Mhm, real good. Wanna try one?" You offer. Your arm extends over to the box of chocolates and you hold one up for your boyfriend to eat. He shakes his head and gently pushes your hand away, cupping your cheek with his own. "Oh no, babe, those are for you. If I really want to, I can taste one without eating one." He says, leaning in and kissing you. His lips were chapped but pleasantly familiar, and his tongue slipped into your mouth the first chance he got.

The both of you mutually pulled away for air after a hot second, Dazais cheeks red with blush and his hands on your hips. A small grin remained on his face and with a squeeze of your side, he opened his mouth to speak. "See? They taste great. I should buy some for myself. Or maybe I could just keep doing that- save some money, y'know?" He teases. You roll your eyes and peck his lips one more time, running your hands through his hair. "Save some money for us by not dumping a shit ton of cinnamon on filet mignon and wasting it." You sigh and rest your head on his shoulder, your hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat.

⑅Fyodor Dostoevsky⑅

→ Fyodor decides that the perfect way to spend Valentine's Day with his beloved partner was by taking a bath with you. He filled the bath tub with warm water, watching the mirror fog up as the water rose. He even added some bubbles because he knew it would be to your liking, as well as some essential oils. His sleeves were rolled up from checking the waters temperature when he walked out to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine for both himself and you. He carried them to the bathroom with confidence where he found you digging through the drawers of the sink. "What are you looking for, Moya Lyubov?" He handed a cup to you and you sipped on it, letting out a satisfied hum at the familiar taste. "Mn-, nothing, just a face mask. Wanna do one with me when I find the stuff I need?" You ask, continuing your search him the next drawer down. "I don't see why not, just hurry up before out bath gets cold." He smiled and leaned down to kiss your cheek. He only removed his shirt before you stood back upright, facemask and applicator in hand. "Found it! Come here, Fedya, I wanna do you first."

You twist the cap off of the container and dip the applicator in, getting product on the silicone end. He complied with your words and stepped towards you, leaning you against the sink counter top with his hand on the small of your back. You gently applied the face mask to your lovers skin, watching his eyebrows furrow at the chill of the product with amusement. "Cold?" You lightly teased. His nose scrunched up and he hummed in response. "Mhm." He seemed like he was about to knock out standing there, very tired looking. You quickly finished the application and patted his shoulder. "Don't fall asleep yet, we haven't even got in the tub." You say. He laughs and takes the jar and applicator from your hands. "I was not sleeping." His grin was wide and he put the gel on your face, too. "Well you looked tired."

He finishes your mask and now both of your faces has a green tint to them with a tingly feeling on your skin. You both strip down and get into the tub, the warm water engulfing your bodies as you sit facing Fyodor, holding his hand under the water while the other hand held your glass. The both of you sipped on your drinks and talked about your dinner plans for the night. You decided to stay in and order cake out because brothers of you really wanted to cook. You spent thirty minutes in the tub together, switching from your position of facing each other to you sitting in between Fyodors legs with your back to his chest while you played with his hair. He enjoyed your touch, your fingertips gliding across his scalp felt better than anything else in the world at the moment. His hand went up and down your shoulder and arm lovingly, occasionally pressing kisses to the top of your head or grabbing your hand and bringing it to his lips. He would murmur soft, accented 'i love you's and praises during soft moments like these.

Soon enough, the two of you stood up from the bath and stepped out of the tub, drying off and getting dressed again. Fyodor wore pajama pants and a sweatshirt while you wore some sweatpants and a tank top. You immediately ordered your food and laid down in bed with Fyodor while you waited. You were both watching some random rom-com that sounded only remotely interesting, but your boyfriend must have found it less than enthralling because within a few minutes, you could hear him snoring right behind you with his arm still draped over your waist. You giggled and rolled over to face him, sighing quietly. "I guess I'm gonna have to get up and get the food, huh?" You murmured to yourself, brushing his bangs out of his face while he snoozed. A smile formed on your face because of how cute Fyodor looked, unable to resist yourself from kissing his head a couple times. "I love you, Fedya. Happy Valentine's Day." You whispered.

A/n; Hiiii , I know I like, never post two days in a row, but it's Valentine's day so there's an exception.

[mctwinkdom]

why do you think daniel and lando as a ship didn't take off the way landoscar did? I am obsessed with landoscar but just recently got into it so don't know too much about the Daniel era... Ive seen clips of Carlando and I get why they were shipped so much (even though I deff prefer Oscar lolol) but curious your thoughts...

I'm also a recent fan! I wasn't around during the McLaren Daniel era, so my analysis really isn't that great, but I also noticed how much more popular Carlando and Landoscar are compared to Dando, so here's my two cents on it (don't take it too seriously please):

My first idea is the age gap? I think some people aren't comfortable shipping two men with a 10 years age gap, whereas Carlando and Landoscar have a much more comfortable 5 and 2 years gap. Second idea is that Daniel was supposed to be the number 1 McLaren driver and, being a race winner, to show Lando how it's done; but the opposite happened and Lando was the better McLaren driver at that time, which made the dynamic a bit weird. Third reason is, from what I've heard (I didn't necessarily see it from myself) Daniel and Lando actually were a bit awkward around each other at first and took some time to find common ground and humor.

Overall, I think Dando is a good ship but they don't have a "cliche" trope, which helps a lot of ships to get popular: Carlando was a big brother taking his little brother under his wing and teaching him what he knew about racing and life in general; Landoscar are giving college sweethearts being a bit shy and playful and cute around each other. Daniel and Lando are obviously good friends but Daniel was not the mentor he was supposed to be and that Carlos was, and he wasn't the playful cute agemate Oscar is either. They were just... well, dudes.

As for why Landoscar took off this way, I think that fanstage moment at Silverstone 2023 changed everything, that's when the fics started blowing up. It's obvious Oscar is not a touchy person and Lando is very respectful of people's boundaries, so when Oscar wrapped his arm around Lando's middle and pulled him closer with that kind of "c'mon why not" face, you can see how suprised and happy Lando is, he's literally BEAMING. So yeah. Landoscar hits like crack and they became popular so quickly because it's a dynamic we're not used to see in F1 and in Lando's previous ships: it's sweet, and quiet, and soft, they have so many little moments showing how fond they are of each other, they're two teammates genuinely having each other's back (last Austrian GP really proved that) and pulling the team UP.

That concludes my analysis!! I never paid too much attention to Dando to be honest, they're really not my cup of tea (mostly because I don't fuck with Daniel like that), but that was fun to think about.

Landoscar stays on top ✌️

[girlietips]

Everyone talks about leveling up and healing, but what comes after that?

I feel like I'm in a really good place right now. I've worked through my emotional wounds, I no longer attract toxic people, and I'm focused on making better choices to improve my life.

I've moved past the drama, the gossip, and the unhealthy relationships, and I'm genuinely happy about that. I have no desire to go back to any of that. But at the same time, life feels too calm.

In the past, it was easy to connect with people around me—whether it was bonding over shared dislikes, mutual crushes on unavailable people, or similar family struggles. But now, all of that feels shallow and trivial. If I don’t like someone, I just avoid them. There’s nothing to really talk about or bond over anymore.

What I’m really wondering is how to keep that sense of wonder and excitement from my younger years alive—the sense that everything felt fresh, new, and thrilling.

I’ve outgrown a lot of the chaos, but now I’m left with the challenge of keeping life exciting without falling back into old habits. And honestly, I’m not sure how to do that.

This is a really important question and one I don’t think gets talked about enough. Often time when we begin to remove all the toxicity out of our life we feel as though there is a hole in our life. Or the lack of excitement and connection.

One thing I’ve noticed a lot in my own healing journey is that I had become almost addicted to drama because for my whole life I made a lot of my connections and bonds with people by complaining about crummy situations. That can also make it especially difficult for when you are trying to leave that side of you behind because the people who are close to you might try and pull that side out of you. While I do think cutting people out is a step to healing (not one that is particularly easy) it is important to understand you can’t cut everyone out. There are going to be some people that will bring the drama side of you out that you can’t avoid. But I don’t necessarily think gossip and communicating in that way is necessary bad I think you need to be really honest with yourself when it turns into something ugly. You can always tell people when a simple gossip or blowing off steam turns into something nasty you don’t want to be apart of.

In my opinion the feeling of life being “too” calm can mean one of two things.

You aren’t healed to the point that peace is appealing. This is very real and I notice it especially when I am comparing lifestyles with others. People will call you boring or stuck up because you like to keep your life free of stress and are very disciplined. Even your old self in the back of your brain might be saying “ew I just study and work and haven’t even had any new relationship drama. I am so boring”. I think when these thoughts come into your head you should remind yourself on how exactly it felt when you were “more fun” because yeah it was exciting when I was talking to a bunch of toxic guys, never did my homework, and didn’t care how I treated my body. But was that true happiness? No! it was just adrenaline and too much of that can leave you feeling fried and anxious.

You are not giving yourself fun things to do and talk about with others. If you are just going to school/work and then coming home and you aren’t participating in any hobbies that make you feel fulfilled you are going to have no fun and excitement throughout your day. You can keep your sense of wonder and excitement without slipping into toxic habits and situations!!!! Do something fun with your friends, take a class, learn a new art form, go on that trip you deserve all the excitement because you worked hard for your peace!!

I hope I answered your question. I think it’s a really important topic that I have discussed with my therapist on multiple occasions. Understanding the difference between excitement and adrenaline will help you understand what is worthwhile. Also if you have friends that the only conversation they can have is about drama they have there own things they need to workout and you shouldn’t let them bring you down.

Xoxo 💕💕

[zombeebunnie]

Happy New year: Future plans regarding Trembling Essence!

Hello guys, hope you all are having a wholesome happy new year so far! I want to start things fresh so here's what to expect:

Here's a TLDR if you want an easy summary: Game updates might be every two weeks - one month, the script for the game is being updated which includes removing some scrapped content to make sure the overall story gets a better opportunity to shine. I am also working on updating ko-fi/patreon + commissions.

Updates regarding Trembling Essence:

Game development posts: I enjoyed uploading weekly* updates during 2023/2024 but starting this year, I no longer have that much free time anymore. Depending on how everything goes updates might(?) be every two weeks to possibly 1 month(???). In lighter news it'll give myself time to process the script, answer asks, and miscellaneous things to avoid burn-out. :,] Script fixing: When I originally created this in January 2023, I was going for a survival horror-game. The 2023 demo isn't canon and I stopped referencing it since March/April 2023. Now that it has both horror and dating-sim elements I'm going over certain sections/new concepts and slowly adjusting them. The original lore isn't being changed but will be updated over time with my improved writing style and overall story telling. This also includes all the routes/paths that weren't in the [Extended Demo]. Scrapped content: I was extremely new to everything and when genuine interest was shown in what I've been creating, I got very ambitious . ((Those that have been here since the early days probably remember that one post I made about writing over 10+ routes.:,]))Now that I'm getting a better idea of what I truly want for the game, some content moving forward will be cut to make sure the true story gets a better opportunity to shine. :]

Other things that will be updated within the game:

UI/GUI update - I want to give the game a more distinctive theme. :]

CG update - Specifically fixing old art from the [Extended Demo].

Art Gallery - For CG collecting, future easter eggs etc.

Route update - Fixing paths and keeping them balanced.

Ending's update - Fixing endings to line up with new/changed content.

Kofi / Patreon: I talked about wanting to create a Patreon a long time ago and I really would like to create a monthly-tip jar / possible game credit perk for those that would like to support the development of the game, this is still a work in progress though. And speaking of Ko-fi, I had been asked about doing commissions in the past and I wasn't ready to accept any but I hope to take in a few to help out behind the scenes especially since the battery to my computer is still dead and I don't want to risk losing game progress again from it randomly shorting out like before. :,]

Sneak peak into next week's game development post:

I wanted to keep the development post separate from this so it wouldn't make this post super long but here's a vague look into how things being updated behind the scenes! :]

This is all I have to share so far, thank you guys for all of the continued support throughout 2024! I hope 2025 will be just as great if not better! :,D

[mossyivy]

I think I genuinely found the perfect song for Leon and his wife as like "their song".

(Yes ik it's the song from Twilight but it's fitting!!!)

Now, when I think about them getting married I don't think they did a big wedding. They got married on a whim because Leon had vacation time coming up. They got married by a justice of the peace at a courthouse in front of everyone they cared about and rented a party room at a nice restaurant they really love just to have a good meal and be with everyone who matters.

They didn't have a cake, no flower toss, no first dance. But you did get to dress up, everyone did. Just shared their happiness with everyone. You had a honeymoon for sure though. 2 blissful weeks in Italy together, the vacation they'd planned on taking together. Just to have a romantic get away.

You promised each other that you'd do something special for your first anniversary but you got pregnant and Violet was barely 3 months old on your wedding anniversary that the thought slipped both your minds.

But one afternoon Leon's heading home from a particularly grueling case. Everything that could have gone wrong almost did. And of course he's sitting in traffic when all he wants is to go home an see his wife and daughter. The only thing sounds are the engine and occasional honks from idiot drivers. So he turns on the radio to fill the silence. He catches the ending of some other song. The radio dj coming on and talking for a bit, he reaches for the dial when piano keys fill the car. He just goes back to waiting, sitting back in his seat as he does so.

And my God does he get emotional... He doesn't know if it's the stress he's under or if it's that he can't stop thinking about how relevant everything feels.

He knows his life is hard, It's been hard since that night in Raccoon City and everything that's happened to him. All the people he's seen suffer and the awful things he's seen. But once he met you he finally had something good. Something that gave him hope.

His life changed so much in the past 5 years of being together. You loved him. You married him. You gave him the family he's always wanted and his life is barely over a quarter of the way through. He gets to come home to you and the beautiful baby girl he loves so much.

How could he not finally be thankful for being alive?

Because he gets to live not to just be a weapon anymore. He's got something to look forward to.

Your anniversary rolls around. It's almost midnight and you're prepping your lunch for the next day at work. As Leon walks into the kitchen. Doing his usual schtick of wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your neck. Giving you the usual kisses with a tight squeeze so you can't escape his love as you squeal for mercy. He eventually stops his torturing affection and looks at the stove clock as you zip you're lunchbox closed.

Soon you're lifted from the floor being carried by the waist out of the kitchen.

"Leon! I'm not done yet!"

"It's our anniversary now so I get to do what I please."

"That's not how this works!"

He sets you on the floor, standing as you playfully glare at him. He hustles over to the stereo, plugging his phone in and turning it up, not loud enough to wake the baby.

"What're you doing?" You question, hearing the piano fill the living room as he hustles around the couch.

"What we should of done last year. Our first dance. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you close.

"Leon, we've danced since we got married."

"Yes, but we never picked a song! So just, dance with me and listen. Please? Pleeeease?" He bounces on place till you sigh and wrap your arms around him.

You just stare into each other's eyes while you slow dance. Swaying gently to the music as you listen. Both of you getting emotional by the end of the song. Tears streaming down both your faces. Still smiling as you hug him tight.

"Being with you was one of the best choices I've ever made. I love you so much."

[eponymous-rose]

Mother's Day is always rough. (discussion of grief, cancer & parental death under the cut)

I think it's because it was the last holiday we had together - back on Mother's Day 2020, I wrote up a series of powerpoint slides (true to form) with memories from each year we'd shared, along with some candid pictures I'd taken on a trip we'd had together that I'd never shown her. At that point I think we both knew the treatment wasn't working, and I think it was pretty clear that this was going to be the last one. Five months after diagnosis, she was gone.

I always want to be a person who is Considerate, and part of that is desperately not wanting to be affected by things like the nonstop barrage of "gifts for Mom!" stuff in the week leading up to Mother's Day. And usually it genuinely doesn't get me, but I noticed a real nosedive in my mood this week and blamed it on everything but those constant, constant e-mails and banners and sponsored ads. It wasn't until I deleted the six billionth one from my inbox tonight that I thought, "Wow, maybe this is part of why I've been so weepy this week" and promptly burst into tears.

For the first time since she died in 2020, I dug up the letter she left for me on her computer. It's just a page long (she was deep into chemo treatments by then and didn't have much energy), but it says everything that needed to be said, and it's such a calm and silly and wry summation of our closeness and love that it instantly made me feel better than the cathartic crying-through-a-full-box-of-Kleenex did.

Grief hits you at weird times! I'm doing extremely well, for the most part, and even though I, like everyone else, felt like, "I'll be the one person in the universe for whom time will not salve this wound", it really has. I'll take this particular night as a reminder to just always be a little gentler with myself... and as a reminder of how incredibly happy and lucky I am to be surrounded now with so much love.

[jester-lover]

Hiya! Saw that you had three request slots open so I thought I'd give it a go (if they aren't open anymore or you already got other requests ignore this)

I was wondering if I could request a twisted wonderland fic where the characters see the reader in traditional desi clothes for the first time, I'm not sure if you have a specific character limit so I'll just ask for Idia, Azul and Malleus. Ignore this if this goes against anything, thank you! ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ♡

I couldn't find the shirt for my favorite Lehenga, so I accepted this request to cheer me up, also, my character limit is 5-10 depending on the size and detail of the request. I'll do all the characters here bc I like this request.

contains- fem! reader, fluff, mentions of insecurity

Dorm Leaders Seeing Their S/O in Traditional Desi Clothes for the First Time

Riddle

Riddle is such a blushy boy whenever he sees you in your traditional clothing

His first instinct is to put his red face in his hands and tell you how pretty you look, even though his vision is horrifically obscured

His favorite on you is definitely something red and gold, a lehenga would destroy this man

After he’s done freaking out, he’s literally so honored to be standing next to you, he’s so proud to have a pretty girl on his side

Carries around several safety pins, to keep you looking (and feeling)  your best

“You’ve blown away all my expectations, just- just give me a second to um, recuperate.”

Leona

YES

You just look so powerful in traditional clothing, and he loves powerful women

If you ever get up to dance, he’s definitely in the back, holding your purse bc he's respectful like that

Leona is happy no matter what you're wearing, but golden or saffron toned clothes just make him smile

Will you see that smile? Probably not.

“Do you need me to hold anything? I've got pockets.”

Azul

He has the most shy deposition around you whenever you're dressed up!

Cannot look you in the eyes

If you're wearing SILVER?? Just put him in a coffin already because he’s GONE

Will be holding your hand for the entire party, refuses to admit he’s jealous

Honestly who wouldn't be, you look perfect!!

Definitely the type to wear a kurta alongside you (if you feel like dressing him up)

Azul cannot dance for the life of him, he will be at all the family functions eating all the pakoras

“Look, we match! Now nobody will think I’m single!”

Kalim

He has the sweetest smile on his face

(Aladdin is a mishmash of so many cultures, and desi cultures are one of them, so I assume he’s seen traditional clothing before)

Something about you in your sweet, flowing traditional clothing opens a domestic hole in his heart

He already wants you as a wife, but seeing you in clothing he’s used to seeing on the women back home is probably the final curtain

You own his heart, everything that is his is yours

(politely ask him to wait a couple years before popping the question)

“Would you prefer an evening wedding or a morning one?”

Vil

For once in his life, he genuinely can't find anything to complain about

Vil is so giddy at the thought of doing your makeup, or draping your dupatta, but you will never see that on his face

You will look so good with this man istg

Makeup? Matching the clothes. The clothes? Impeccable.

You will catch him reaching for more traditional clothing if you ever ask him for fashion suggestions

“The lipstick needs to be berry toned to match the rest of your clothing, and perhaps, to match mine.”

Idia

Man is resetting

He’s doing the people equivalent of blue screening

THIS MAN CANNOT LOOK YOU IN THE EYES (because of how pretty you look!!)

He’s highkey questioning how tf you wanted him in the first place, you have to remind him he’s a cutie too!

He’s definitely not going to whatever event you've gotten all dolled up for, but he’s hyped in your behalf

He's like super rich, so he’s definitely getting you more clothes, tailor made and all

“You, you look, uh, really nice..”  

Malleus

Oh he’s def thinking about locking you up in a tower somewhere as we speak

JK!!!! (probably)

My boy is so obsessed with you, he’s tailing behind you at whatever event you're at (assuming for once he's invited) just staring at how pretty you look

This is the dramatic boy who would carry you if you got tired dragging along all that heavy clothing

Also holding on to you, making sure you don’t trip by accident

“Please wear this again, you look radiant.”