#i'm coming to you for new or worsening symptoms not because i have a mental health condition (i have a mental health condition)

[mirainawen]

gets my vision checked: have stupid perfect eyesight

me: okay but there's a spot in my left eye

them: huh

gets my hearing checked: "you have excellent hearing"

me: okay but i have worsening tinnitus and increasingly i can hear people are talking but i can't make out what they're saying

them: huh

the doctor: maybe you're just being too hard on yourself

ashdgshajah excuse me what

[here2bbtstrash]

Miss you❤️

i miss you all so much, my goodness 🥹 shall we do a small life update?

partner moved in! my place was small to begin with so it's definitely a little cramped in here now 🥴 but we have our eyes on getting a bigger place when the lease is up. i'm super happy to have him around all the time, just sleeping in the same bed every night and sharing our meals together brings me so much comfort. it's been really wonderful!!

i turned thirty 😳 and honestly it... hasn't been a big deal at all lmao. i feel so excited to be entering this decade. i think i care a lot less about things that ultimately don't matter than i did in my twenties, and i feel a lot more sure about myself and what's important to me! plus i had a super-fun karaoke party with some of my favorite humans 🥰

i've seen so much kpop this summer, and it's not even over yet!!!! txt, itzy, ive, stray kids, ateez, and we have (g)i-dle, kard, and seventeen still to come before the year is through!! the shows have all been AMAZING, and ofc the best part is having friends come into town and getting to experience it together!! (and yes we did see lolla felix in person and no i have not recovered 😵‍💫)

and for the least-fun update..... health news 😔 after a whole bunch of concerning symptoms that were continuing to worsen over the last year, i sought out a specialist and got some tests run and have been diagnosed with ✨endometriosis✨ - and friends, this shit blows. i am on some new meds that we are hoping will help mitigate symptoms so that i don't have to have surgery (for now!), but the adjustment period has not been even a little bit fun, nor have the swirling unknowns about things like fertility or long-term quality of life. it's something i'm trying to give myself space to process and get adjusted to, bc even as someone with long-term mental health issues and adhd, adjusting to a chronic physical illness is a whole nother fucking ballpark. but i'm hopeful for an improvement with these new meds, and very lucky to have the best support system i could ever ask for - y'all know who you are 🫶

unfortunately, because of all these bullet points but particularly the last one, writing has continued to be at a full standstill. i am really hopeful that the inspiration will come back for me when it's ready, but for now i'm allowing myself to be in a different season of life and feel okay with that! i am still counting down the days til our boys come home (i quite literally am on the verge of tears every time i think about how SOON we will have hobi back MY LOOOOOOVE 😭😭😭) and i cannot wait to see what this next chapter brings, for them and for us!!

i hope you're all doing well, would love to hear your own life updates if you feel like sharing!! MWAH 🤍

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

september 1, 2021 5:00 p.m. newcrest hospital

[five hours later]

[dr. winters] so, you’re an interesting case.

[grant] don’t i know it?

[dr. winters] fortunately, the excellent news here is that your physical exam is overall outstanding.

[dr. winters] all your blood work and vitals are great, your eyesight’s correctable to normal, and you have no other underlying disease besides the autoimmune stuff.

[dr. winters] disclaimer that you should lay off the cigarettes, but...

[dr. winters] still, based on these factors, i see no real reason to deny your medical on physical grounds. the MRI of your spine was very concerning, but i did read the letter from your rheumatologist clearing you for work again, and you passed all my exams just fine, so it’s not an issue in my eyes unless your disease and/or functioning significantly worsen.

[grant] well, that’s...good?

[dr. winters] not so fast. don't get too excited. as much as i'd like to send you out with your medical today, i can’t.

[grant] alright. fair enough.

[dr. winters] i'm not denying you, to be clear. i'm deferring your case to federal administration.

[dr. winters] this is the unfortunate part. because you suddenly admitted to having previous substance abuse issues, have brand new mental health diagnoses, and are on some medications that are neither approved nor banned, it’s out of my hands.

[dr. winters] you would need a special issuance medical, which is only something the administration can give out.

[dr. winters] if you’re granted one, it is a full first-class medical and will clear you to fly and hopefully approve your current medications with no issues, but it will tag you as having health conditions, and it’ll probably place restrictions on your medical, like more frequent medical exams and no flying if you’re having x, y, and z symptoms.

[grant] okay, sure. what should i do next?

[dr. winters] well, i'll forward all the paperwork from you to them along with my reports from today. at some point, the administration will send you a whole bunch more paperwork in the mail, and they’ll ask you to explain all your medications, your psychiatric history, and why the hell you were diagnosed with multiple psychiatric disorders all at once and so late in life.

[dr. winters] whatever you say, be as honest as possible. i will gently remind you that lying to them is a felony.

[dr. winters] you’ll mail all your responses back to them, and then they’ll tell you to submit to a neurocognitive screen and a psychiatric evaluation. i can go ahead and refer you to doctors who can offer you those screenings. they'll also want statements from any psychiatrists and therapists you've seen basically confirming they think you're stable enough for this kind of employment.

[dr. winters] and finally, after they review all the new materials plus your flight records, you’ll either get approved or denied.

[grant] there's some hope?

[dr. winters] yes. you have held a medical before. you'll just have to jump through more hoops this time to prove your capabilities. worst case scenario you lawyer up and sue until you get results. and no, i'm not joking. in complex cases like yours, i often recommend a lawyer.

[grant] i don’t want a lawyer.

[dr. winters] at least not yet. don't count the legal route out. the worst worst case scenario is that you're denied. if they deny you and you feel that's unfair, the law is the only solution you have left.

[grant] got it. well, um, thanks for all your help. i guess i'll wait for new paperwork from the administration then. how long should the whole process to take, assuming it all goes smoothly?

[dr. winters] oh, it won't go smoothly. your case will sit on someone’s desk until the file rots or the sun blows up, whichever comes first, unless you call incessantly. so, do that. call, call, and call again until someone does something with it.

[dr. winters] and maybe you’ll get a final decision in...

[dr. winters] six months? a year? hopefully not longer than that.

[perfidious-prophet]

The fucking things they dont tell you when you fucking start Testosterone.

Yeah, everybody knows about the deeper voice and the dreaded asshair, but these were my unfunny little surprises after 3 months on T. Reminder that shit will always vary from person to person because we're not all clones of each other, whatever.

1. Bottom growth fucking hurts. Sometimes I don't want to wear pants. I knew it would happen, didn't know it'd be so uncomfortable. And it starts fast. Like first dose fast.

2. The irritability goes fucking CRAZY it's like I'm constantly PMSing. I get why dudes punch walls. Oh my god. I know how to keep my anger wraps, but holy shit.

3. On the topic of PMSing. I had temporary worsening of menstrual cramps. Jesus fuck. I was having pain before menstruation started for days, and sometimes just randomly. I hope it doesn't flare up, but it seems to be calming down now. I think my body is freaking out over weird hormone levels.

4. Vocal fatigue. Talking hurts. I expected voice cracks, obviously, but why the fuck does this shit hurt? I don't even want to talk that much anymore. My voice just gives out. It's still deepening, so a win is a win, I guess.

5. Apathy, emptiness, anhedonia, and numbness. My motivation has tanked. I don't fucking care anymore. I just want people to leave me alone so I can take a nap. I already had mental issues before starting T, and I don't think T gave this to me, but it's definitely changed how I feel my mental illnesses. I have to like relearn how to cope and shit. I don't recommend starting hormones if you're an emotionally unstable dumbass like myself. This is literally second puberty, mood swings and teen angst included. I am a volatile, angry little man.

6. Anxiety. Like I said, teen angst. My panic attacks now include intense nausea, which is New and Uncool. Dunno why that happened. But I'm just nervous. There's nothing to be nervous about. I consistently feel like I've forgotten to do homework. I am not even in school anymore. Rad!

7. Psychosis? I had my first intense psychotic break at 14. It lasted 6 months, give or take. I've had shorter episodes on and off since then. My symptoms are stress based. The emotional strain is, naturally, pushing me towards the edge again. I am sure I will explode brilliantly and violently within the weeks to come.

8. Male loneliness is real dudes. Have friends.

9. It's harder to mask. I've been periodically going mute again. I'd never really stopped, but it's more frequent now.

Anyway that's my rant I think.

I'm not telling you not to do hormones. I'm not your dad. But it's not fucking easy. Anyway I have no intention of stopping. I am thuggin that shit out. I had a really really tough time during first puberty, and I suspect I'm going to have issues the second time around.

I am happy with the changes I am experiencing physically. I still feel confident and sure of my identity as a trans man. I am just not very happy about losing control over my mental state again. We'll see how it goes. If I'm lucky, I'll get medicated. I can't afford a therapist right now.

Good luck out there, whoever you are.

[c4rdsharp]

I have ADHD but not diagnosed ASD so I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries, but it seems like Luck tends to hyperfocus on something, particularly business, to the point where he abandons basic necessities like eating and sleeping. In the books, Luck pulls an all-nighter and the way he handles it seems to imply it’s something he’s used to doing. I can also see him being particular about food and getting a bit anxious when his routine is suddenly changed or he’s not allotted enough time to mentally prepare for something.

meechi. no worries, anon! honestly, i'm really thrilled you wanted to add onto my ASD Luck reading with some other canon evidence I haven't considered! I agree to all of this. In fact, because of Luck's all - nighter, I have a further headcanon that he's a chronic insomniac. I also feel he's someone with psychosomatic symptoms, mostly from anxiety ( you have to admit, as levelheaded as he can be, the pressures of the job would have some affect on his mental health. especially when you consider how scared of death he was prior to acquiring immortality ). among which would include stomachaches -- people with ASD tend to develop gastrointestinal issues, so that's something else to consider! in conjunction with abandoning basic needs, he definitely feels like someone who would forget to eat in the middle of the day and have one of his brothers ( probably Berga ) come around to remind him. i suspect, post - immortality, as symptoms of depression start to appear, this worsens more so due to a further lack of appetite ( i remember a couple years ago, i had another headcanon that he had grown up underweight because of all this, actually ). AND, being picky about food definitely wouldn't help with that! i think it wouldn't be as bad now -- there are definite no's, such as him disliking overly greasy foods and anything with slimy, uncomfortable textures. he's more - or - less developed a wider palate than what he had as a child, and considering how strict the Gandor family home was implied to be, i wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have much of a choice when it came to at - home meals. however, it was probably far, far worse as child and that there were definitely things he didn't eat because it was either unfamiliar or 'felt funny' in his mouth. Overall, he seems like someone who would be sensory sensitivity ( i suspect he's not a fan of bright lights, loud noises, or anywhere overly crowded. all three would be a nightmare for him ). As for that last point, absolutely! We don't get to see much of the Gandors compared to other characters, but when we do, Luck is usually shown to be doing predictable, repeated things. He's often in the same places doing the same things, and very rarely strays from that. We don't get to hear much of Luck having a social life or proclivities for adventure ( the only time we hear or see him even leaving New York City was for work, of all things ), and the concept of having to change that doesn't seem to appeal to him much. Which, as both an example and another thing I want to lightly consider, brings to the point of Berga suggesting Luck ought to settle down with someone. Not all autistic people are asexual or aromantic by any means, but there is a definite connection between ASD and queer identities. at the very least, it's common for them to experience attraction & romance differently from the norm, and i wouldn't be surprised if Luck also fit that characteristic when it comes to the ASD experience!

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Thank you for replying to my ask and having this blog! I didn't want to tell any detail about my ed I thought that would be very triggering for some people cause it's about losing and gaining weight and dieting so trigger warning!!

But I guess I have always had since high school disturbed body image because diet culture starts affecting you very early on.

In college when I have had depressive episodes one way to cope was restricting my eating and then when I lost the weight I gained when depressed I started to feel better and it was like this yo-yo ish many years.

But oh god last year I had so many things that caused me stress I was living in a survival mode the whole 2021 and maybe still am, and idk why I gained weight guickly maybe it was many things combined. Then when things were bad my bf left me and my friends didn't help me and I was left kinda alone and the only way to cope again was thinking of losing weight. So this is such a classic but my ed was the symptom of my hard life situation and way to cope with the anxiety and stress.

But restricting my eating didnt 'work 'like it used to in the past, I havent been able to lose the gained weight and so my energy and time is still focused on losing that weight even now when im my life situation has improved a bit.

I have talk about my issues with doctors and I feel they haven't been taking my symptoms seriously or have focused just on my depression and anxiety (which are caused by ed so this is a fun cycle). Yesterday I talked to a nutritionist for the first time since applying help and she just said what I already know that even tho ed is a mental health problem the only way to cure is by eating. And that I should stop thinking about losing weight cause that only worsens everything (yeah no shit). And that she can't help me cope with the anxiety it's the other healthcare system that should (have) do(ne) that.

The thing is I have triedddd so much this whole time to take care of my eating but if I had succeeded I wouldn't be having any problems with it still u know?

It's kinda ironic how much I know about ed without being able to do anything. First I need to fix my nutritional status I think that's where everyone starts. And after that maybe intuition eating. I need to learn dbt skill to cope with anxiety and depression. And stop stressing about everything everywhere qll the time. Buying new clothes that fit so looking at my too small clothes wouldn't be so triggering. I need to learn self compassion and find a therapist but they are in high demand so that's really hard. I need to find things that I like about myself and repeat those. But everytime when I fail at trying to fix my daily routine and fix my eating routine I think of it as a setback and its a cycle very hard to get off (I need to wake up early to eat breakfast and lunch early so I wouldn't be so hungry at evening and night cause then I can't sleep properly and then I sleep in and then I eat late and then im hungry at evening and night cause I don't wanna eat too much in the evening and then I sleep in cause my blood sugar is so low from not eating enough in the evening does this make any sense at all) and I think I have ibs from so much stress and I think that's actually the reason I have gained weight like I'm bloated all the time. And i dont have any support cause my depression/ ed made me also isolate from my friends and/or they kinda left me also so yeah. Ummmmm this became a lot longer than i thought. if you read this all thank you and also sorry for dumping all my problems here

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to this - my own life situation is kind of taking a toll on me rn, and I've been slow to respond to people. That will continue to be the case, most likely.

But I'm sorry you've found the system so unhelpful! I really think a competent nutritionist should at least be a little understanding of mental health problems, especially when a lot of people coming to them with additional health needs will probably be coping with a lot and might need a little empathy. I mean, yeah, that's not her main job, but healthcare requires a multipronged approach, especially since her "just eat" directive won't be helpful without someone assisting with the mental health aspect simultaneously. I mean, if she frequently works with ED clients she should know that - "just eat" is such an ineffective directive. I hope you find a therapist or a team of therapists that are capable of helping you.

My advice, though? Break it down for yourself. All of these things are a cycle that feed into one another, so making progress in ANY of these areas you struggle in is still progress. And if you let yourself focus on one thing at once, it might not seem so overwhelming. Also remember that everyone struggles with hard days/moments, so if you slip, it doesn't mean you've lost all your progress. It seems an all-or-nothing approach can be really self-defeating. I get it, though - that's definitely something I still find myself struggling with!

I really hope you find more social support! I don't know if you have any online support groups. I also hope it's okay that I published this ask - I tend to do it unless otherwise specified so that people on here don't feel alone in their struggles. I bet there have been lots of ED sufferers who struggled during the pandemic, who have been feeling a lot of overwhelm and who struggle with finding adequate support and on trying to accept their bodies as-is and who are triggered by things like buying new clothes. I'm wondering if anyone else would like to share their experiences.

[exlibrisfangirl]

Hello, Tumbly Friends. I hate writing posts like this, but if you are the praying kind, can I ask that you keep me in your prayers over the next few weeks?

If you weren't already aware, I am chronically ill, and I've seen a sharp downturn in my health over the past few years. For the past 6 months or so, I've been experiencing excruciating abdominal pain and worsening, multi-systemic symptoms. Recent imaging and blood tests have been generally unhelpful (my GI doc thought it was pancreatitis, but now she's not so sure), so my doctors don't really know what's going on. Every time we seem to be getting close to having an answer, we come up empty handed and have to start the process all over again with a new lead.

In the meantime, I simply... suffer. I've been without any pain meds since September, when my new pain management specialist suddenly, inexplicably decided to ghost me. (Being chronically ill is such a trip, dude.)

I'm worried about not being able to keep working, at this point, because I just don't know how much longer I can continue to put in 40+ hours per week whilst so sick, so exhausted, and in such overwhelming pain before my body finally decides it's had enough and completely shuts down. And, as my physical health continues to deteriorate, so does my mental health, which makes coping with the former so much harder.

Please pray for wisdom and clarity for my doctors and answers, relief, strength, and peace for me. I appreciate it so much! 💛

[scripttorture]

Sorry if something similar has been asked before, I'm writing a story where my main character spends a long period of time in (near) complete social isolation. He's locked in one room with a mechanical bird he made that can physically but not verbally respond to him, but no other contact with anyone else. Food and water isnt an issue. Time works a lot differently in that room, but what sort of mental and physical affects could you expect to see in the equivalent of about 10-15 weeks?

same anon w the bird and isolation: If it would change any answer, this character is roughly his early 30s, the room is the weaponry forge where he works and he's spent around 10 years in it. He started locking the door to keep distractions out but essentially the world ended and he was barricaded in from the outside. isolation anon again pt3, I now realise this doesn't sound like an ask abt the effects of torture, my character does believe he was barricaded in on purpose and then forgotten about, as it has been done to him a few times before (for like a few hours), and while afterwards he knows it wasn't torture, during and for a long time after he believes it was absolutely intentional

-

For the record I do take questions like this, which don’t meet the strict legal definition of torture. You’re talking about something that’s commonly used as a torture technique and asking about the effects (and whether the accidental nature makes a difference to those effects). I can help with that.

 In this particular case I don’t think the fact this is an accident will make much difference. Outlook and intent can make a big difference, informed consent also makes a big difference, but in this case you’re talking about deprivation of something humans need.

 I’ve read interviews where people have had a positive take on losing a limb, going blind and a whole host of other really painful things. But in every case these things were done with informed consent and they didn’t involve deprivation of something we need to survive.

 What I’m driving at here is that humans are social animals, a lack of social contact is profoundly bad for us. In the same way that lack of food, water or oxygen is bad for us. And anything that relies on deprivation of a physical need has knock on physical and psychological effects whether we have a positive take on it or not.

 Basically you’re writing solitary confinement and the good news is that there is a lot of free to access research on that and a wealth of survivor accounts online.

 My masterpost is over here. You might also want to take a look at Shalev’s Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement which I link to as one of my sources. It’s free, online, very detailed and contains a lot of short interviews with survivors.

 The time frame you’ve picked is a pretty good one. It would cause lasting mental health problems but (without prior mental health problems) it would be survivable for most people. You’ve also mitigated most of the factors we know make solitary worse, though not knowing when he’ll be able to come out would have a negative effect.

 Some of the physical symptoms listed in the masterpost, such as eye problems, might be down to bad cell conditions. Most of the data set we have for isolation and solitary confinement comes from prisoners held in cells that we know are too small for comfort and may be sub-standard in a lot of other ways.

 The solitary data set is large enough for a meaningful examination of which symptoms are more common. The trouble is that the papers available don’t really agree. Different types of analysis seem to yield very different results.

 Broadly speaking depression and anxiety tend to come at the top of the list. Hallucinations and psychosis tend to be less common, but they become more likely the longer someone is in solitary confinement and some estimates put hallucinations as high as 30%.

 Not everyone will develop every possible symptom (though keep in mind that a sense of helplessness, anxiety/depression and mood swings are experienced by the majority), so there is some scope to choose what you want your character to experience.

 I think the best way to approach the problem is as a writer: which of the possible symptoms fit best with the character and the story you want to tell?

 I’ve got an example of how to think that through in an ask here. It’s focused on torture generally rather then solitary confinement specifically and there are differences in the possible symptoms.

 I’ve only written solitary confinement once, though I am planning to use it again in other stories. The character I was writing had prior mental health problems and the story was from his perspective. I focused on the worsening of those symptoms because that was something the character was extremely aware of.

 He also experienced memory problems, lethargy, insomnia, hallucinations (partly plot and partly because I’d established he had a prior history of them), self harm and feelings of helplessness. Some of those things, like the memory problems, he was unaware of until other people pointed it out later.

 I choose a lot of those symptoms because I was trying to create an unsettling, dream-like feeling in the narrative. I wanted the lines between reality and hallucinations to blur.

 I’ve also written a character who was socially isolated. She was camping in the woods with some (but probably not enough) human contact. She didn’t have prior mental health problems and wasn’t isolated for as long as the character in solitary. She was also younger.

 The symptoms I picked for her were mood swings, irrational impulses, depression and feelings of helplessness. Again these fed into the overall plot, some of which could only go forward if she made spur of the moment decisions without entirely thinking things through.

 Look up Shalev’s sourcebook and read the survivor accounts. I think they’ll give you a good idea of the sorts of things people experience in solitary.

 After that approach the list of symptoms as a writer: think about which symptoms can feed in to what you’ve planned for the story, tone of the narrative or the character. Symptoms aren’t a block on the story. They’re another element we can use to add to it.

 I hope that helps. :)

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[cockroachmotherfucker10]

hi, idk if this is okay but here goes... this blog's really helped me a lot in recovery from AN. i've been doing well lately. since diagnosis, i've been on my own with this bc the mental health system in my country is broken. i guess my question is, do you have any tips for continuing recovery during grief? a really close friend has just passed and i can't get myself to stomach even a bite. i just don't know what to do, i'm lost. thanks in advance, it's okay if you don't reply to this, really.

Hey! I am so glad this blog could help you, it’s truly an honor! Also I live in America, my healthcare system also sucks ass. Recently had symptoms of kidney infection- couldn’t go to an in person doctor because the only place that took my insurance was closed in my city and they wouldn’t set me an appointment in person, though I tried to get one. Basically just had to tough it out- it sucked. Basically trying to validate you- having shitty healthcare is basically the worst.

As for grief, I am really sorry to hear that your friend passed away. It’s an absolutely horrible thing to go through, for every good memory you had with them you have to remember time and time again that they aren’t here anymore, and that’s a feeling that takes a really long time to become more okay with. Not that it’s the same thing, as everyone’s relationship with grief is different, but I lost a close grandmother on January 30th, 2020. I mourn her everyday, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. Still is. I miss her every day, and think about her all the time.

So some words on grief.

1. Cheesy, but it does get better with time.

I read an allegory for grief, and I have found it to be true. Grief is like a big ball inside of a tiny box (which represents you). Every time the ball touches the side of the box- it hurts really bad. You cry, you stare at the wall for hours, you lose your appetite, a lot of things. At first- your ball of grief is huge- and it’s constantly and randomly hitting the sides of the box. For me- the time around my grandmother’s death and funeral, I was completely out of commission. I couldn’t stop crying, and when I did I couldn’t focus on anything. I was completely incompacitated for weeks. But then- over time, the ball of grief gets smaller and smaller, and touches the side of the box less and less. Now, I can think about her without bursting into tears, I look back on my time with her with a sense of nostalgia rather than sharp pain most of the time. Now while my ball of grief is smaller- sometimes it still randomly touches the sides of my box, and I break down crying (hell- I am tearing up now lol). That’s okay. It’s all apart of the process. The grief never fully goes away- but it becomes less and less consuming. This does not mean you love your loved one any less, it just means your body gets better at metabolizing their absence so it hurts less. Also not you can’t force the ball to get smaller before it’s ready to (believe me- I tried). Just let it happen.

2. Express your emotions healthily

Want to know what not to do? Keep your emotions locked into your chest. Especially if you have an ED, it’s important to let yourself cry as hard and as often as you need to. What you don’t get out now will bite you in the ass later. It’s so, so painful. I have never cried so hard in my entire life than I did at my grandmother’s funeral, I couldn’t even get a word of apology out. It felt awful, and vulnerable, and it wasn’t pleasant at all. Crying is not fun, but it was necessary. Afterwards, I felt soooo much better. This is because crying chemically is like letting the extra air out of a balloon about to pop. There is no shame in it. Do it, and do it often. As often as you need, don’t hold it in. Let the pain come, and then when it is ready it will pass. Remember what you don’t process now you most certainly will be forced to process later in the form of chronic pain, worse depression, worse ED symptoms, and worse health. Let it out.

3. There is no wrong way to grieve

So I just spent all that time talking about crying- but it’s also possible that your grief will express itself in other ways, such as feeling numb, or even feeling fine. The key thing is to not judge how your body metabolizes this. Let it do what it needs to do, and do not judge it. To it body will do what it needs to do, fighting it is a pointless uphill battle. Accept it with self compassion, console yourself like a friend would. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel numb, or to cry, or to be okay, etc. let it happen.

4. Reach out for support

Be it from a friend, a family member, or a therapist (or best- all three!) if you feel like it would help you, reach out and talk about how you are feeling, or do something distracting. Mod Lia and I called the night I saw my grandmother for the last time, and we didn’t talk about it much at all. We watched She-ra. That helped a lot. Later I called another friend and talked about how I was feeling. Later I talked about it with Mod Lia, too. And of course my therapist- who helped me process it in a healthy way. On that note, especially with an Ed, if you can, get a therapist. Do it. Better than anybody they will be able to help you find the healthiest way to grieve, and help provide tips and accountability for preventing the worsening of an ED.

5. Tips on not drop kicking your ED behaviors further into hell

Having a schedule for eating (and other necessary activities) really helped me. At certain times, regardless of wether or not I was hungry, I forced myself to eat just because it was food time. Doing this prevents you from slipping into ED behaviors, especially when it is easy to do. Having a therapist or a willing friend to hold you accountable can also help. Express your emotions healthily. Talk to your loved one still, on walks or however. Talk about them in conversation. Do things that remind you of them. Make a memorial for them- whatever that means to you. Allow them to still occupy space in your life, if that feels right. If not, that’s fine. Taking care of yourself is hard, but if you don’t you are going to make it worse for yourself. It’s like puting an ankleweight in when you are already drowning. Take intentional steps (such as setting reminders and alarms) to ensure you take care of yourself, and even see if there are people who would do it with you. Like if you are having a hard time eating, see if a friend will have lunch with you every day at a certain time, or a couple different people (over the phone if need be). Plans, for me, really help me keep it together.

To sum it up, the biggest thing is to not fight the grieving process, set specific schedules for different aspects of self care (with alarms), reach out when you need help, and be patient because it takes time.

There is nothing I can say to make your loss feel better, but it is so hard to lose someone, and I’m sorry you have to go through that. Be patient, don’t expect a ton of productivity out of yourself, and just wait out these unpleasant storms. Thing are never going to feel the same ever again, but eventually you will get used to a new normal, and that doesn’t mean you are doing them an injustice. Keep remembering them, and be patient with yourself.

Best of wishes,

Mod Cass

[deadmomjokes]

Normal Anon Again 1: Your response was great, don't worry about a thing there. I just really feel stuck because Im still with my emotionally abusive family, and so I had to sneak to even see a doctor. I honestly felt like the doctor barely ever heard me at all, so even though she did prescribe an SSRI (not that she said what brand), I'm kind of scared to continue treatment with her. Because I made the notebook with a lot of care, she said I had OCD and did bring it up again later when I

had refuted it and tried to explain the notebook was just something I wanted to be well done for her. She didn't ever look at it either, so she based it off me buying little tabs and labeling them for ease of access and writing my name on the front I guess? I don't have a lot of money, as I don't have a job, and getting a job is the main reason I want to try medication... I basically have to move out by 2020 from my family, both by their desires and mine, so I'm on acrazy deadline to try to get my life together and I feel like I have no time to find someone new if I'm going to be looking to move away when all the apartments are renting. So it feels like if I want to try medication this is my one chance, but I don't feel like I can trust the doctor handling them. I don't know if I should just try to find a way to make my life work out for a couple months or give the medication a shot even though I don't trust the provider...I've got to worry about getting a job this month or being homeless too, which is why it feels so one or the other for my current situation. Thank you so much for all your feedback, sorry if this was a little messy being explained, I'm a bit frazzled yet, haha.

Oh man, I’m SO very sorry for everything you’re going through! You’re dealing with a ton, and this incident with Dr Garbage certainly didn’t help.

One thing that may be a possibility is going to a normal doctor, like a family medicine doc or general practitioner, and talking to them about your anxiety/depression problems. They can also prescribe psych medication, and it might be easier to pass off around your family and/or to find once you move, since a lot of offices partner or have networks that you can just transfer through. Anyone from a Nurse Practitioner to a PhD in general medicine can prescribe meds like an SSRI or even low-level mood stabilizers. (For my recently upped dosage, I went to a PA-C and they consulted with the folks at my obgyn, so I never even saw a psychiatrist. Tho I’m trying to get in with one anyway, but that’s way beside the point.)

I definitely understand you being unable to trust the current provider; she clearly didn’t hear you or take everything (anything?) into account. Anyone who comes to you from an emotionally abusive situation should warrant a ton of follow-up questions and in-depth probing. Even beyond that, just in general, taking stock of all the symptoms and reviewing any identified triggers is going to go a long way toward real diagnosis. Your notebook should have made her job a breeze, instead of her having to pick through your anecdotes of what happens when, she could just look at your notes! You were doing everything right; a therapist’s dream, honestly. I’ve been in therapy for years and I’m still not that good at keeping tabs on my own symptoms and patterns. I’m enraged on your behalf, because when someone comes to you for help you should reach back out to them, not be prescriptivist even if you’re dealing with prescriptions.

If medication is something you’ve been considering for a while, and feel like it might be a good fit for you, it may be worth trying the current prescription even though the current doctor is garbage, since SSRIs are usually the first try medications anyway. But that always comes with risks, because sometimes the first try doesn’t really work out for you or your specific situation. But SSRIs as a category are pretty safe, and are used for anxiety disorders (including panic disorder and generalized anxiety), ptsd, depression, and ocd as well. So chances are even if you found a psych who did their job well (aka not labeling you ocd for being prepared), they were going to land on an SSRI as a first try, too. That definitely doesn’t make it an easy decision, tho. That nagging fear may always be with you if you try it anyway despite not really trusting her diagnosis, and that could add a layer of complexity to deciding whether the medicine is right for you. Especially if you end up needing to switch medication or dosage, having a doctor you trust from the outset is going to be important.

I obviously cannot tell you what to do, nor do I want to, or even think I should if I could, because personal situations are just that--personal. I would only caution that if you’re already having difficulty getting or doing a job without medical assistance (ie medication), that trying it under serious stress for a few months may do more harm than good as far as worsening your difficulties, or causing new ones. However, sometimes we aren’t in the position to make the “best” decision for our health because living takes precedence; I’ve taken plenty of jobs that wrecked my mind and body and I kept them anyway because I absolutely had to. So I’m not going to get on a high horse because I know exactly how hard it is, and the difficult decisions you have to make in order to survive. I’m just so very sorry you are in that position to make such a decision.

If you do decide to try the medication anyway, some tips on kind of “going it alone” since you won’t be able to/won’t want to go back to the original doctor:

Start at a lower dose than the full final dosage. If she didn’t prescribe a “titration” schedule, starting at half dose for a week is a good place to begin.

Understand that things might get worse before they get better. You might have horrible mood swings, really bad depressive days, or bad anxiety spells before you start seeing the true effects. This isn’t indicative of whether the medicine is going to work eventually, but if it becomes too much for you to deal with, you should stop anyway.

Side effects may come and go. Just worth noting.

If possible, have someone close to you who knows that you’re starting this medicine. Obviously not a family member given your situation, but if you have a friend or anyone you do trust in your immediate vicinity, or even a friend you communicate with long-distance, make sure someone knows. That way you have someone to report in to and who can check up on you as you adjust.

Start by taking them with food, even if it doesn’t have a nausea warning. I’d suggest evening meal or soon thereafter, because SSRIs often cause drowsiness at first (great for helping with insomnia tho!).

You’re probably going to have a full month or two before it reaches its peak effect, since this is your first time trying them. You might see some relief right away, but full efficacy takes time as it builds up in your system. If you can tolerate the side effects (or don’t have any), and you’re able to deal with the mood swings or psychiatric effects, stick with it at least 6 weeks.

Listen to that “don’t drive or operate machinery” warning. First-time-medication drowsiness is a special breed that sneaks up on you and also makes you feel WEIRD.

You can also see about filling the prescription and then researching the name on the label before you decide whether or not to take it. Or, if you have an online account with the pharmacy, as with CVS, you can see the name of the drug there, or even call the pharmacy she sent it to and ask them what the name of it was (”for insurance purposes” or “because I forgot which one it was”) and then research it on sites like Mayo Clinic and rxlist.com (don’t do webmd). These websites include lists of what it’s approved to treat, so if you’re fairly certain you actually have anxiety/depression, look for that on the list. Just know that all websites are essentially required to remind you that an SSRI (really any antidepressant or mood stabilizer) could worsen any suicidal thoughts or behaviors, though this is mostly a risk for the 24 and under crowd with emphasis on teenagers. And it doesn’t happen to everyone.

Should you decide not to do the medicine right now because of the doctor who prescribed it, I applaud you for your bravery and strength in facing both your uncertain future and your mental/emotional difficulties without the assistance you feel you need. That’s a hard, hard thing to do, and I wish it wasn’t a choice you had to make.

I’ll be sending good vibes, thoughts, and prayers your way as you’re dealing with so many transitions and difficulties. I know cyber hugs are kind of a dated internetism, and may not mean much, but I give you all the cyber hugs my cyber arms can muster.

[flyonthewallmedstudent]

I just saw your House post. Would an infection affecting the brain always have a fever or other obvious signs of infection? I'm a young person (25) and just began experiencing some very bizarre neurological stuff that I've never experienced before, worsening over the course of a month, and I just had my appointment with the neurologist today. When I mentioned that as a possibility she told me I would definitely have a fever or be clammy.

Symptoms began with (new) migraine with classic aura, then more headaches with preceding cognitive impairment, tingling, and after like a month headache episodes preceded by involuntary movement that isn't consistent with any motor disorder, and then what made me question infection was elevated heart rate with episodes of tachycardia up to 140bpm. I don't want to be paranoid with the doctors, but part of me is worried that it's something serious that may cause preventable damage if not caught. The referral from the ER to neurology took 2 weeks after the motor stuff started, and she gave me a referral to get an EEG and see a movement disorder specialist but that will probably take weeks too.

I apologize, I've really neglected this blog - as in I can end up queuing posts in one day for up to a year and forget it exists.

And what invariably in happens is that I don't read any of the messages that come my way anymore, simply because I don't login frequently.

Disclaimer: I'm not a neurologist, and these would be my very general/superficial answers. Q1: Depends on the infection. In some cases, such as encephalitis (inflammation/infection of the brain tissue itself) you may not always develop a fever or notice one. That said, it is extremely, extremely rare to pick up encephalitis if you're other wise young and healthy. Also, there are risky behaviours we usually associate with it, like eating uncooked pork. Things we normally wouldn't do (and for good reason).

In the elderly population, their bodies may not always be able to mount a proper fever anymore either. Similarly, if you're immune suppressed you may not be able to depending on what's been suppressed.

Even then, you would have other symptoms and signs if you had good going encephalitis. Classically, behavioural changes (like really bizzare behaviours) are what might suggest this differential. Like someone with previous no mental health issues suddenly having hallucinations - we'd consider this, among many other things.

So, to all intents and purposes, in your case, it's quite possible the constellation of signs you have would only be associated with infection if you had a fever. Or at least be more obvious on your blood work or any imaging. I'd be surprised if no one's scanned your brain yet. Hence the answer received from your neurologist.

Q2: Most of the time it is the migraine at fault when you're young. It's not entirely uncommon to have young people in their 20s present to an ED as a stroke for instance, (and be treated as one till proven otherwise). It's one of the mimic's for stroke. As well as Todd's paresis - aka, an altered state post seizure. These are both far more common than an infection afflicting the brain.

Re: 2 week turnaround time - that's actually considered an urgent review. I've unfortunately seen much longer wait times now, particularly thanks to the pandemic (and that will be the new normal in many parts of the world). The only thing faster is an admission to hospital.

Regardless, it will never feel short as a patient waiting for answers. It is anxiety provoking.

When you are concerned about your health, you are always entitled to get a second opinion. If you see your PCP or family doctor you can ask for a referral elsewhere.

Alternatively, if things change or get worse, it is always worth another trip to the ED

[not-poignant]

Thirded! You're my favourite writer, too!! I'm so glad your treatment is almost over! Will you be able to start taking warm showers again?

Alas no! No warm showers until about June 14/15 (same with not being able to return to my preferred shampoo/conditioner - I have been having a steady bad hair day for like 30 days now). Same with no sun / no sunscreen (so basically ‘don’t go outside during the day’) and etc.

Can’t get my hair dyed for about another 6 weeks. 

Tbh, I won’t really think of the worst part of this as over until June 14th. From next Monday, I enter about 2 weeks of what they call Peak Week/s, lol, which is where the symptoms steadily get worse without the support network of the clinic. It’s actually when most people’s depression/mental health spikes, because even though you’re not getting the radiotherapy every day, you’re still getting worse, you don’t have the nurses/radiologists checking in all the time, and that’s when a lot of folks expect that your life is going back to normal and you’re okay.

Because of how radiotherapy works, the cells are still dying (their DNA is being absolutely torn to shreds) faster than they can heal, and while that happens, side effects continue to worsen. Someone I know who is having radiotherapy in the same place for the same tumour, went deaf in one ear three days after radiotherapy finished.

The cells will continue to die - especially in the tumours and the cranial nerves - for another three months. Whatever ‘new’ side effects I have in three months’ time will be the permanent side effects. So we’re still waiting to see what they might be.

Prolly gonna be 2-6 months before taste comes back (this is a big problem and disability - without taste, you don’t make saliva anyway, and you can’t taste if food is spoiled and you lose your appetite and can no longer tell if you’re full and think you’re full all the time - eating right now is literally the worst part of my day and I dread it) and about 12 months before saliva fully returns. I think hair takes a while to grow back too? But I’m (so far) only losing a small patch of that.

BUT, all of that being said, I am also really glad that the treatment will be over soon. Being able to deal with worsening side effects without having to go on a lengthy drive to the clinic every day will actually be kind of nice. :) Plus no more face cage soon! And with every passing day I’m closer to getting at least some of my taste back and stuff, and getting something that looks like normalcy. Super looking forward to that too.

(And warm showers from like June 14th. YES YES YES)

[taylorftparamore]

I'm not sure if you're interested but have you read this about Selena/her health burnthroughmyskin*tumblr*com/post/165337919738/okay-i-cant-believe-im-going-to-actually-do-this it does seem like people are forgetting about the "chronic" part of her illness

link

i want to warn before anyone responds that skimming this will be quite evident if you attempt to argue before reading as i will attempt to cover as much as i can. this will lean very “pop feminism”, however there are brushes of other types of feminism mentioned.

the thesis statement: how we view female pop stars and their recovery is a direct reflection of our society and we all have an inherent bias against women in their own narratives.

In order to best understand why people view Selena Gomez’s treatment as a “she’s healthy now and will never be sick again”, one must first examine the fear behind why one wants recovery to be as simple as “she got a new kidney, now she’ll never be sick again”. It’s the inherent fear of being sick. This is an overlap where physically disabled people, chronically ill people, addicts, and mentally ill people receive most of their discrimination. It strongly ties into the fear of growing older.

Even men get hit with it, though we are going to disregard the male experience entirely in this thesis as I have little experience with being male for obvious reasons. This will solely focus on the woman’s narrative and how it ties into other isms in our society.

With women, they are expected to be pretty, look youthful, and be healthy for as long as they possibly can. When someone at twenty-five has a chronic illness, this upsets the balance of what women are expected to be. A woman with chronic illness is expected to hide it away in shame. With the rise of social media, this is no longer something celebrities can do. A celebrity in the 1950s would be able to quietly disappear for six months then return as if nothing had happened.

Shirley Temple, the first example (and yr example) of a child starlet did not have the same circus surrounding her as she grew up. Before 2005, the only examples of stalking out a young starlet was limited to those who could afford the cameras to do so. What happened in 2005? Camera phones became easier to acquire, MySpace begin to rise in popularity, and thus our ability to stalk out celebrities became far easier too. While there’s issues regarding celebrity life before 2005, the focus is post 2005 and how it interacts with the need for a narrative.

Narrative wise, “was sick then got better” is a nicer summary than “was sick, then was fine for a bit, then was sick again, and will now need treatment until the day they died”. People don’t like it. They don’t like that Halsey’s cauterization of her womb to treat PCOS is only a treatment that might fail her. They don’t want to think about how Demi Lovato’s stint in rehab and therapy are only treatments for her addiction and bipolar disorder. They don’t want to think about how their treatment of these delicately imbalanced women can worsen their symptoms later.

Which is the crux on which this entire theory is built: people don’t want to be held responsible for their actions. They don’t want to think of Selena Gomez as being delicate in regards to her feelings towards growing up in the spotlight (in which she described being photographed on a beach at fifteen by grown men “violating”), they don’t want to think about the long term effects mocking Taylor Swift for her surprised face when she was only seventeen carrying into adulthood, they don’t want to think about how Demi Lovato hitting a dancer could have been caused by the speculation of her mental health, and they don’t want to think about how Britney Spears’s public breakdown could be their fault.

No one wants to be the bully and they want to victimize other people so they can then accuse of “playing the victim”. Playing the victim as a phrase was originally coined in reference to abusers manipulating sociological effects to appear to be innocent while utterly demonizing the victim. Oddly, the mob mentality bullying of these starlets work more of “playing the victim” than any female starlet. They are restlessly bullied then accused of being “too sensitive” the minute they cry out. They are forced into a reaction of smile and laugh politely at jokes about their mental and physical health.

So, let’s think back to 2007 - the invention of the iPhone and the rise of Twitter and the birth of Tumblr. Suddenly, social media and cameras were novelties… that allowed us to watch in real time Britney Spears shaving her head and beating Kevin Fenderline’s car with an umbrella. No longer did we have to wait for the page 6 news spread of it in US Weekly or People - we got to see it happen while it was happening. This is our first example of a public breakdown actually being public. Suddenly everyone had an opinion.

Britney Spears was crucified as a warning - step out of line, and we’ll tear you apart too. Her career was dead the very next day. While Blackout managed to regain some of her popularity back, Britney will never again reach the same heights she had pre 2007 break down. This is mostly good for her mental health, however. The 2005 darlings - Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Raven Simone, and Amanda Bynes - all now had black marks against them with social media and narrative writing all contributing to their fall.

Lindsay Lohan’s recovery is ignored, Amanda Bynes’s mental health issues ignored, and Raven Simone was left to fade into obscurity with only the occasional reminder she is still working in television. This set a precedent.

While Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Lady Gaga, and Selena Gomez all rose at roughly the same time, there is a strict timeline to adhere to here. Taylor Swift began her career in 2005, but only started to gain traction in 2007 - the same as the rest of her contemporaries. It is with this marker that we recognize that Britney Spears’s public melt down served as a warning to these darlings - you are not human.

Thus when Demi Lovato’s breakdown started happening in 2009, she was instantly hospitalized with the excuse of “exhaustion”. Selena Gomez would later use this excuse to hide her first diagnosis with lupus. “Exhaustion” was now something none of these starlets could use because now the narrative had already taken shape: exhaustion means drug addiction. Nevermind that dancing for two hours every day and singing for two hours every day is physically exhausting for even the most abled of bodied people.

In 2011, Demi Lovato’s image was given a make over with the release of “Skyscraper” - a double edged sword. She was presented to the public as if she’d fully recovered. However, bipolar and addiction are chronic illnesses. Yet the narrative stuck - she was recovered. Now it traps her - she’s unable to backslide in public. Which means that all of Demi’s backslides must occur within conveniently timed slots which is not how backsliding works.

You might be asking “wait you mentioned Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga… I get how Halsey and Demi Lovato relate to the subject matter, but how does this tie together?” The answer is already there for you: narrative. Taylor Swift’s career path is that of a woman in total control of her narrative. This actually did not occur until 2010, in which she released Speak Now on the promotion that then 17/18 year old Swift wrote and produced the entire album by herself.

Lady Gaga, conversely, owns her narrative in total control of her sexuality. These are two things that women are not supposed to do and thus they are demonized for this. The demonization of Taylor Swift occurred during 2011/2012 - the same as Demi Lovato’s narrative of being a phoenix who rises from the ashes, the same as when Selena Gomez was first hospitalized for lupus (then described as malnutrition and exhaustion - symptoms of lupus), then same as Lady Gaga’s release of Born This Way.

Narratives are important in this new social media game, in which you want to package your starlet in a way that can be easily ate up in soundbites. Lady Gaga was “born this way”, Demi Lovato was a “phoenix”… Taylor Swift is a slut and Selena Gomez is the future trainwreck. The narratives once given are incredibly difficult to break free of. It didn’t help that Demi disparaged Selena for not visiting her in the hospital and that in 2012, Taylor Swift began to date boy band favorite with the hair extraordinaire, Harry Styles. They were now outcasts.

1989 in 2014 helped take back narrative control for Taylor Swift - until it didn’t. The same way Taylor Swift put her career back on track was the same reason it fell off again. Because Taylor Swift puts so much emphasis on controlling her own narrative, she is the most prone to receiving backlash out of all the starlets. People do not like narratives being in control of the people they wish to write them about. Selena Gomez, conversely, now has come forward and publicly admitted to having lupus. Lady Gaga’s new album is “too weird” and thus the subject of derision. The same narrative that put Halsey on the map is now used against her.

So what is the truth of it? Narrative speaking wise… women aren’t allowed to have messy, ugly, complicated narratives.

22 year old Taylor Swift who came on the scene as a pretty, hopeless romantic must have something wrong with her if she hasn’t settled down already (never mind that relationships are naturally complicated and messy and often times both partners have some fault) and is now dating an 18 year old.

Selena Gomez must be heading for a breakdown if she is checking into hospitals for exhaustion and suddenly working “less”.

Lady Gaga should be “over” her weird phase after experimenting with Born This Way.

Demi Lovato must never be allowed any freedom to backslide. Halsey must never, ever show any complaints of PCOS symptoms ever again.

The worst part is that these narratives are often written over the course of two years. It is why new female artists often have difficultly breaking past that first hit. The demand that a female celebrity gives us something to root for often outweighs the music itself. It’s why post The Voice, Cassadee Pope is finding it difficult to receive mainstream success. It is why Britney Spears’s level of fame will remain plateaued at the current level. It is why instead of viewing Lemonade for what it was (a celebration of being a black woman), there was an instant need to pry right into Beyonce’s marriage with Jay Z.

Following this, women’s narratives that are independent of men will be treated as if they have resolved only because of men. Taylor Swift’s relationship with Calvin Harris was treated as the reasoning behind her success, Demi Lovato’s relationships with men disallow her bisexuality to be seen as legit, Halsey’s own relationships with men have choked out any other thing about her, Cassadee Pope’s win was credited to Rian Dawson’s fanbase, etc.

“Recovery” becomes a meaningless word to women’s narratives if they are not allowed an independent narrative.

So what makes this reflective of our society as a whole? It shows what we value and what we mock. Women who are single are to be mocked and told they’re the problem if they do not settle for less. Women who are weird are mocked because they’re funny and not actively striving to be pretty. Women who are sick must recover in order to be seen as inspiring. These are things that we can find examples of in every given pop star. It is why Madonna is mocked - she is an older woman who is still having fun. Older women are not supposed to be fun or be single.

This leads to a conclusion that despite all our progressive beliefs on an individual level, on a societal level we’re still stuck trying to implement second wave feminism. Until we fully dismantle the ableism in the recovery narrative, we will never be able to truly reclaim women’s narratives. Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk.

[mentalillnessmouse]

Hi, I'm going to be starting college this year but I'm paranoid because about a year ago my anxiety was super bad, I've gotten way better and I'm really happy about that but I'm worried that the change of atmosphere (im going out of state for college) will make me go back to how my anxiety was before idk what my main question is but: is it common for anxiety to come back as bad as it was before?/do you have any tips about starting college in a different area? (thank you so much for your help!)

Hi anon,

Firstly, congratulations on going to college and I’m happy that you’re anxiety has been better recently. In terms of your question, going to college and moving to a new area are potentially stressful situations and stress can trigger anxiety. However, that doesn’t mean your anxiety will definitely worsen and become as bad as before. No one can say for sure whether it will or will not happen, but you can prepare and put plans in place to help you if you did begin to struggle more when you leave for college. You might not need to worry and you might love and adapt to college and your new area really well, but having a plan in place in case you do struggle with your anxiety, might help to put your mind at ease.

Before you leave for college it might be a good idea to research the area to see if there are support groups there that you could attend. If you’re able to access one, it might be a good idea to get a therapist so you have that support when you go to college. Your college may have their own counsellor that you could talk too. Outside of professional help, there are different things you could if you did struggle; such as online forums or practical techniques such as grounding techniques that you can use in the moment if you get anxious. I will post some resources that may be helpful to you. I hope this helps.

___________________________________________

Anxiety- and Panic-Related Symptoms

Mental Support Community A forum to talk about anxiety disorders and how it effects your life.

Mental Help A site that has basic information, resources, articles, and a list of books that might be helpful.

This is a guide to Muscle Relaxation that might help your anxiety.  

Here are some exercises you can do that helps to keep you in the present and to control anxiety grounding techniques.  Mental grounding exercises. Physical grounding exercises. Soothing grounding exercises.

Here is a video with step by step instructions of how to do breathing techniques to help with panic attacks made by a licensed therapist

Beyond Blue – a nonprofit working to address issues associated with depression, anxiety and related disorders in Australia.

Anxiety management techniques

Self-help for Anxiety Management (SAM) App

Pacifica: Daily Tools for Stress & Anxiety App & Webapp

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General techniques & posts

Here are some great posts on mindfulness.

This is a step by step guide to belly breathing.

Here are some exercises you can do that helps to keep you in the present grounding techniques. Mental grounding exercises. Physical grounding exercises. Soothing grounding exercises.

Having trouble falling asleep? Here are some tips from followers that might help.

This is a guide on how to make a comfort box.

Safety plan cards are a great idea to keep in your wallet or comfort box which reminds you of your coping mechanisms and people who you can call to be safe.

__________________________________________

Masterposts:

Click on these links for quality masterposts of resources and info on the following topics

Anxiety: guides to anxiety disorders, stress relief info, panic attacks, and treatment options

__________________________________________

Good luck and,All the best.Dee

Anon--

I just wanted to add that you should try to remember that going away for college is a scary thing, and you’re really strong. Everyone who goes away for college is scared, but we all try to act like it doesn’t scare us. I was terrified when I first moved to college. But you WILL get through it :)

stay strong.

--roboraptor

[flyingmustachio]

I feel this. As a disabled fat person trying to navigate the American healthcare system especially, aside from all of my dysphoria type issues in my self perception from the situation surrounding my weight gain (severe over-medication from a psychiatrist who would spin the weight gain as a moral and willpower issue so she wouldn't have to take me off of any of my 5 medications I believe she may have been getting kickbacks for. Several of them have fast weight gain as a well documented side effect, but she denied it could ever be the meds and kept increasing the dosage and adding more medications when everything kept making my depression and cognition worse.) I sometimes feel frighteningly desperate to lose weight. With my particular connective tissue disorder, large amounts of weight loss could cause my joint pain to worsen due to loss of padding and muscle deconditioning, but I have to admit most days I don't care, I'd rather be in more pain but not be obese anymore. Not because I'm unwilling to work on my self perception or my self love, but because being chronically ill with a difficult to diagnose and manage disorder, it feels like my fat is literally going to kill me. Or rather, the medical system's preconceptions about my fat are going to kill me. The number of disturbing symptoms that various doctors have written off as due to my weight... A thoracic surgeon once told me that clearly my breathing problems, fatigue, and pain were from being fat, and not the congenital chest deformity I was seeing him to evaluate. Only when I got upset did he actually look at my scans long enough to realize that the cartilage on the left side of my ribcage is completely calcified, and yeah that would make it harder to fucking breathe. He never touched me, and even after looking closer at my scan told me to "lose 80 pounds and come back in a year" because I "wasn't even a candidate for surgery at that weight." That's just one of my doctors. I'm constantly afraid that a symptom doctors write off as "Well you're fat, though" is going to end up doing permanent damage before a doctor cares enough to see past my fat. I'm afraid of not having access to affordable medical equipment because of my size, because apparently needing a few more inches of fabric or steel justifies doubling the price. I'm afraid if I am incapacitated, my family and friends won't be able to move me to safety, and ER doctors will treat me differently. I'm afraid my mother won't really believe it's a heritable connective tissue disorder until I'm still sick while thin, and she won't help my little sister take proper precautions to protect her joints as long as she can write off my symptoms as weight related. But I also feel really guilty about feeling so desperate to lose weight because I know all of this is such bullshit in the first place. I have to remind myself to be patient with myself because the American medical system really does have me in kind of a Saw situation here. What are you willing to do to be taken seriously by your doctor? Are you willing to hurt your own health to lose weight to eventually save what little quality of life is available to you? I'm not an assertive person. I do not have the energy or mental fortitude to argue with every fat shaming doctor I come across. In some specialties I might not even have the luxury to argue at all, if they are the only specialist of that kind available to me. The wait time to find new specialists alone is a problem. If I fired every one who fat shamed me, it could take me years to be properly treated. At some point it doesn't really matter how much I believe in body positivity. It shouldn't be this way, it's bullshit, unscientific, and completely unfair, but for now the medical system IS this way, so what am I supposed to do? And none of this is even counting smaller, everyday oppressions like uglier, more expensive clothing options, the visible disgust of my family and of random passersby, just fucking everything to do with planes... Sometimes it's just too much.

“The extent of the moral investment in the empirical measure of body size was particularly evident in the fact that many dieters were willing to compromise or sacrifice their health in order to achieve the ultimate sign of health–a thin body. Health was ostensibly the goal of the antiobesity movement and of individual weight-loss efforts, but studies showed that many people would be willing to forfeit health and longevity to attain thinness. One study found that 91 percent of 273 dieters surveyed would not take a pill that would increase their life expectancy if such a pill guaranteed that they would become and remain overweight. A survey of overweight and obese patients conducted in 2004 at Harvard Medical School revealed that 19 percent of overweight and 33 percent of obese people were willing to risk death for even a modest 10 percent weight loss, and many were willing to give up some of the remaining years of their lives if they could live those years weighing only slightly less. These studies may have reflected the fact that dieters were willing to die earlier to lose weight in order to live remaining years in healthier, more able bodies, but studies also showed that people were willing to trade obesity for serious physical impairments. According to one, five year olds would choose to lose an arm rather than become fat. These striking findings show that thinness operated as a sign of physical health and moral fortitude independently of other measures of health, and they suggest exactly how compelling the moral valence of body size was becoming.”

—

Biltekoff, Eating Right in America: The Cultural Politics of Food and Health (via heavyweightheart)

I think these kinds of beliefs also demonstrate how powerful anti-fat oppression can be. I don’t think people’s fear of being fat is just about health. It is also about the (correct) perception that being fat carries the burden of being stigmatized, negatively stereotyped, and discriminated against. And no one wants to live a life subjected to such treatment if they think they can avoid it. Fear of being fat is, in part, a fear of being treated the way fat people are treated. And that is not discussed often enough in the discourse about fat phobia.

[tswatch]

I have chronic depression and just recently realized that it's what's called "walking depression." I'm not suicidal but I starve myself for days or go out of my way to do things/say things to hurt myself or make things harder for myself. It's gotten really bad and I don't know how to stop. Do you have any advice?

Hi love,

I’m sorry that you have chronic depression. That must be really hard to deal with. Even though you’re not suicidal, your depression is still serious, and you still need/deserve help. Even though you have chronic depression, you can still feel better! Just like other chronic illnesses, you might not be able to cure the disease completely, but you can manage the symptoms with medication, therapy, and other alternative methods.

“Depression, even the most severe cases, can be treated. The earlier treatment begins, the more effective it is. Most adults see an improvement in their symptoms when treated with antidepressant drugs, talk therapy (psychotherapy), or a combination of both.”

Source: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-you-need-to-know/index.shtml

My best advice to you is to seek professional help as soon as possible. Whether that would be a psychiatrist, a therapist, or preferably both. I also highly recommend that you talk to your friends, family, and loved ones about what’s going on. It might not seem like it, but support from the people closest to you really can make a huge difference.

The things you are going through can be successfully treated with support from friends, family, professionals, and also therapy and medication. You don’t have to fight this battle on your own. Please reach out for the help you need and deserve!

Do you practice self-care often? Self-care can really help with depression, mental illness, and stress. Self-care doesn’t always have to be big, grandiose acts. Sometimes self-care can be something as simple as setting aside a half an hour to read a book or treating yourself to a nice bath. Here are some of my own personal tips for how you can practice better self-care:

Surround yourself with people that love and support you. Cut toxic people out of your life, because they will do nothing but bring you down. Surround yourself with people that are kind, caring, encouraging, and help lift you up when you need it the most. Surround yourself with people that make you feel awesome, make you feel great, and make you feel loved!

Journal. It may sound silly, but journaling can really help you feel better! It’s a great outlet to release all of these negative thoughts you may have. However, make sure not to fall into the trap that many people fall into when they try journaling. Oftentimes people begin journaling, but make the mistake of only writing about negative things. This then causes them to focus and dwell on their negative feelings, which can make it worse. To prevent this from happening, at the end of every journal entry, make sure to either write a) One thing you like about yourself, b) one good thing that happened that day, c) one positive quote / inspirational quote, or d) one thing you’re looking forward to.

Start a new hobby. Have you always wanted to learn how to knit? Well, why not start now! Have you ever wanted to perfect your drawing skills? Maybe look into a drawing club / drawing class! These things will help you broaden your horizons, learn new skills, and boost your self-esteem / self-confidence.

Treat yourself. You really want that dress, but it’s a little out of your price range? Go for it! You want to go on a day trip, but not sure if you can afford it? Go for it! Treat yourself every now and then: you deserve it.

Be kind to yourself. Look in the mirror every morning (or night) and say one good thing about yourself. Anything from “I like my smile” to “I like that I’m a good friend” to “I like that I’m good at drawing.”

Ask your friends to write down what they like about you. Ask your family members to do so as well. Then keep this list somewhere you can see it and read it everyday: like your mirror in your room or closet door.

Create a bucket list. Give yourself stuff to look forward to in the future! Write down all of the places you want to go, things you want to do, people you want to meet, etc.

Work towards your dreams and goals. You can add these to the bucket list I mentioned above. Then try to figure out ways you can make them come true! Working towards something can help give you a sense of purpose and meaning which can help keep those negative thoughts at bay.

Travel. Even if it’s just day trips or weekend trips. Seeing new places and meeting new people is good for the soul!

Follow inspirational / recovery blogs on Tumblr. You can find some good ones here: http://tswatch.tumblr.com/OtherHelpfulTumblrs If you see any quotes that really resonate with you, print them out and put them on your wall. Maybe get a corkboard that you can hang up so you can put inspirational quotes / pictures on there.

Go for a lot of walks, go hiking, spend time in nature. Much like travelling, nature is also good for the soul.

Get creative. Draw, write, paint, scrapbook, take pictures, create things for people. Anything like this can also be a good way to express your emotions and channel your feelings into something productive.

Take care of yourself. Make sure to get enough sleep every night. Try to exercise at least 3 times a week. Eat healthy. Take care of your body like it deserves to be taken care of!

Avoid alcohol and caffeine. Alcohol is a depressant and will actually worsen your depression, contrary to popular belief. Caffeine can make anxiety a lot worse.

Set aside time everyday to focus on yourself. Even if it’s just a half an hour each day, take the time to focus on yourself and do things that you enjoy. Indulge in a nice bubble bath. Bake. Read a book. Whatever you want - just make sure to give yourself some time to breathe and relax :)

Try yoga or mediation. A lot of people find these very helpful and relaxing.

I know these may seem small and like they won’t help, but they can really make a difference. Small things can add up to make a big impact! Try to incorporate these habits into your everyday life, because then you’ll be more prepared for whatever stress is thrown your way.

Please keep me updated,