#i'm also working on something else

[benevolenterrancy]

("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)

[thereseuwu]

Wawawawa, drew Apollon instead of doing my school work (It do be like that dkjasfds.) Also, drawing Apollon in a somewhat more modern time is fun! :^)))) (Idk, man... Idk)

[yuwuta]

olympics coming up…… athlete aus on the mind….. satoru as a swimmer….. unreasonably large wingspan…. huge hands..... thinks “official” competitions and tournaments are boring because he can’t use the goofy purple googly eyes goggles he likes to practice in…… practices at ungodly hours solely because he likes when the pool is empty because that means you’ll dip your feet in at the edge and be there to greet him with a kiss when he’s finished his laps….. they bring up the stats board and it’s just his name ten times before the next fastest person and he could still lap them, and even tho he’ll always put so much pressure on himself to be the best, it’s worth it to have you hold his face and tell him you’re proud of him... he’s gotten so much merch from events and sponsorships and he used to think they just created clutter but that all changes when you start to wear his clothes (esp the ones with his name on it… he’s not proud to admit that does Something to him)…. always looks up to the stands when he finishes a race and if he knows you’re not there, he looks right at the camera, draws an infinity sign with his fingers, and blows a kiss (which, some commentators routinely call “unsportsmanlike conduct” but he doesn’t care, and always, publicly says he’ll pay the fees if it means blowing a kiss to his girl at home)

[fernsnailz]

sorry these kinds of comments have been really pissing me off recently lol

[shevr]

workout mix

[gabe-lovebot]

councilor 3D model

i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him

[link]

please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)

currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[deoidesign]

I met the me who made different choices

[starrysharks]

hotel manager

[somegrumpynerd]

Uhhhhh...

So it was pretty busy at work the last couple days with delivery and everything so I didn't expect to see the horror bitty anywhere, but when I went out back to get something I saw this

Which... is a different guy, right??

Anyway it seemed like this one was stuck in this plastic so I held the bag open so he could get out (even though he really didn't like me coming over) and he bolted off once he was out.

I assumed he was gone but when I looked back down the hallway he was just kinda watching me

(Zoomed in to make it a lil bit easier to see)

And the one I'm used to seeing was there too!! So... I guess there's two of them now? Or at least this is my first time seeing this little black and white guy, are there cross bitties? That's all I can think of that he looks like. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled and leave out twice as much food now.

Also my fingers are fine after the bite! c:

[despairs-memorial]

@bullet-rebuttle continued from here for editor

At first, all Gundham noticed was the sight of a cat that got him to move through to get to it, and while he was glad that someone had reached out to grab the poor thing before something terrible could happen, he cursed under his breath as he pulled the man out of the road and back onto the sidewalk.

"Foolish mortal! Did you not heed the peril of the situation you were in! Not only did you risk one of the lives of a young hellbeast, but you forced the Overlord of Ice to protect a mere mortal!"

[faerieomenart]

Whoa, I live! :)) Anyway, I'm still super busy and art blocked but have a sketch of Kurt and my mutual's OC! These two are SO cute guys.

Kurt is dancing with @hulkingharbor's oc, Cloudstrike!

[lgbtlunaverse]

Thinking of the Nie disciple that told Nie Mingjue it was Meng Yao who stayed behind to clean up corpses on the battlefield today.

Nie Mingjue didn't just randomly stumble upon poor lil meowyao eating bread in the novel, he was already looking for him to thank and reward him for his work.

That's what makes it so fun that nieyao's first conflict will end up being about someone else taking credit for Meng Yao's work.

And I'm sure that Nie Mingjue's actual opinions on plagiarism are a lot more nuanced, all we really get from him in this scene is "well you shouldn't kill someone over it!" which leaves a lot of room for what punishments he thinks are appropiate. But I bet that it isn't occuring to him in this moment that the only reason he knows Meng Yao at all, the only reason he got such a capable deputy, is that he noticed someone was taking care of the dead and cared enough to want to know their name. And then the Nie disciples didn't lie to him. The disciple he asked could have said "it was me, Zongzhu" to rise in the ranks himself, but he didn't. He went and asked others, who all also could have taken the credit, but they didn't. Someone saw Meng Yao working and decided to be honest about it and that simple decision is the catalyst for Meng Yao becoming Nie Mingjue's deputy.

Meng Yao can't just work hard to get results, others have to acknowledge that work. If they don't, it's as if he didn't do anything at all.

[imerian]

My (very old) loscar brooch (?) that i just now made doodles for

More pictures under cut

[vaguely-concerned]

on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.

all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)

in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.

[diyasgarden]

Hi so to another blog, I sent in the request for gymteacher!patrick but now that I think about it, I feel like he’s one of those adults who secretly hates kids fgccjjjgffhhhj. It’s the whole vibe I got from whenever he was talking to Tashi and Lily was brought up like yeah he could say he feels awkward about the fact those two had a kid…….but I also just feel he hates kids 💀. It’s giving “fuck them kids, and fuck you too!”

ohhh i actually love the gymteacher!patrick hcs you sent @saintzweig. mars ate that up. if you haven’t read that, go do that!!!

i am inordinately fond of the idea that patrick doesn't like children because he can't wrap his mind around them as a concept. a tiny being who is still developing? continually learning about life? dependent on the people around them? it's overwhelming for him to process any of it, but it's all he can think about it in their presence. it also drums up the memories of his own childhood he'd rather forget. feelings he thought he long buried, but persist against his inclination.

so by proxy...i love the idea of elementary school teacher! patrick who took the job because it was his only choice. patrick who has been down on his luck and desperately needs to find a stable source of income, at least for the time being. teaching is not his first choice (and he's damn sure he is going to lose his mind), but it's the only job he could find that pays well. if he's going to be miserable anyway, he reasons he may as well be getting a paycheck out of it.

he goes in, does his job, and leaves. the other teachers are a bore, and he's to uneasy around the children to actually get close with them. ironically, his supposed indifference to the children makes them love him even more. he chocks it up to the childish curiosity of wanting to know more about the new, distant teacher, but the truth? they just like him. they like the way his language isn't filtered and how he mumbles under his breath. even the way he never breaks into that primordially passively assertive voices the other teachers have or never seems to have a solid plan. his behavior is new and captivating, but also makes him feel like an equal. in a way, patrick isn't a teacher they want to impress, but a friend they want to make. so while his goal was to avoid having any of these kids form an attachment to him, he's failed extraordinarily.

not to say he can avoid forming any attachments himself. i mean he sees these kids everyday, it's only natural to feel some sort of connection to them. it doesn't have to mean anything (at least this is what he tells himself). so what if he knows how to tie Lucy's shows the way she likes it when they come undone during soccer. or remembers to remind Aiden to take off his glasses before it's time for dodgeball. he's perceptive with details. basically has something in his head for every student, but wouldn't anyone notice (well again...what he tells himself). he's allowed to take some interest in their lives, learn about what they like or think. it's not a crime, nor does it have to mean anything. this is just a job and he still doesn't like children (he's started to repeat this to himself like a mantra).

the year goes on and his interest expands, much to his displeasure. they're growing on him, he can't deny it. he cares for all of his students, and while the concept of children still makes him uneasy, he's been able to push it down. focus on the joy the kids bring in the moment, rather than what their existence means for him. he enjoys being around all of them. especially the little, quiet kid who doesn't really talk much. always a little behind in gym, but really is sweet. and i mean just wait until he meets you...that kid's mom.