#i'm also okay with smth else
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stabbyfoxandrew · 29 days ago
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Meet the Polycule!
Isa:
He's the seventh son of a seventh son of a seventh son. (Third generation seventh.)
As such, he's expected to be a very powerful wolf.
His first name is actually Isaiah but he doesn't like it. Because it's his dad's name and his grandfather's name. :/
Met Aaron when they were both eight (Isa was about to turn 9) and knew immediately they were meant to be together forever.
He didn't keep it a secret either. He wasn't shy. He and Aaron were attached at the hip growing up!
When Micah brings home his friend Ashley, Isa is hit with the 'holy shit, that's my mate' feeling. Again. And he stresses about it until he talks to his dad and is told it's okay. Some people have more than one.
He has two hands! Yippee. Two mates<33
Big bad scary wolf who gets carsick if he's in the backseat. :(
Had an anxiety problem as a kid but grew out of it.
Aaron:
Was found by Isa's oldest brother (Elijah, age 19 at the time) while he was on a morning run through the forest.
After explaining her situation, Elijah asked if she'd come to his house and tell his mom. So she reluctantly agreed.
He carried her through the woods to his house and sets her down in the yard, then heads inside to get his parents. He explains what she told him, that she smells like vampires, and that she's alone.
They decided to take her in until her parents got back, but they never did.
Became instant-friends with Isa and Micah. The three of them were inseparable.
Isa told them his family's secret a couple months in and then they grew up wanting to be a wolf.
Came out to Isa in the middle of the night at age sixteen and had him chop their hair off. (It was a total hackfest but they liked it.)
Wakes up one night with fangs and glowing eyes, scaring the shit out of Isa.
Ashley:
Grew up with a single mom who really didn't care much about anything, especially him.
Was desperate for her approval so he'd always do his best at school, but was never really noticed.
At age thirteen, he witnessed his mom's death— her boyfriend Mitchell shoved her down a flight of stairs during an argument. He heard everything and knew what really happened but no one believed him, except his best friend Micah.
A couple weeks after the funeral, Mitchell starts trying to get handsy with Ashley. When he takes it too far, Ashley accidentally burns the house down.
It's a miracle he survived, says the EMTs who arrive on scene. But it wasn't a miracle, Ashley knows. The fire didn't come near him at all. It was as if he had a protective bubble around him— because he did.
He goes into foster care for a bit then the wolves snatch him up. (He was over at their house constantly and they're well liked in town so getting custody wasn't super hard.)
Shares Micah's bedroom.
He has some scars on his upper arms from cigarettes being put out on him. (One of his mom's old boyfriends used to call him Ashtray.)
The three of them are all holding hands 5ever and they'll also kill over each other if they have to. :3
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deoidesign · 7 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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anaalnathrakhs · 30 days ago
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letterboxd users absolutely flabbergasted that a movie underlines its point about a toxic social norm with cinematography, instead of having characters say they're gonna do a Toxic with their mouth
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fluentisonus · 1 year ago
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lovinglin · 1 year ago
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THERE'S A SUBPLOT NOW FOR THE CYBERPUNK AU APPARENTLY HRNAHDKAHDJFHSJA
Ft. @4rachnophilia abt to win GF's heart and beat BF's ass rap battle style (and hopefully not get out of hand)
Also extra cameos in the bg ft. me, @ttimecode, @beeholyshit and @jils-things bc why not HRHEHDJAHDHD
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silvermeww · 4 months ago
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12. An unpopular character you like? (and why more people should like them)
asdfghjk THANKS FOR THE ASK I'M GIVING YOU SO MUCH <33 RN
Ooh, hmm, this'll be fun. there are so many examples in pokeani and honestly some are a little eh, but then I remembered how almost every comment I see about 'worse' characters seem to include Max and I just don't get it?? How can anyone hate him??
(fun fact, when I was first watching him - in dub mind you - I also really didn't like him much. but I was coming off from the end of the OG, which was pretty sad considering who we lost, and tbh especially in 4kids early seasons dub EVERYONE was pretty unlikeable. I think I hated almost everyone back in the early gens at some point lol; I can be real vindicative but I think watching the whole thing taught me to take my time before judging stuff :v)
But yeah!! I really don't get the hate. Oh, so he said that Ash sucked for getting 8th place in the Silver Conference - can we all remember that a) legit kid and b) he's seeing this guy lose to an evolved starter from his own region of the SAME type as Ash's. It's like watching a Venasaur lose to Meganium if you're from Kanto; you'll be feeling pretty patriotic and stuff too ngl, especially if you don't have any battle experience yet.
But he acts so smart - Yes, and?? I don't see anyone talk about how Gary was coming up in the first season spouting random facts only to lose in the prelims and get a lower place than Ash. Again, I wish that people remember that Max is the kid of a Gym Leader, who reads and watches Leagues to make up for not being able to watc the Gym Battles taking place under the same roof, who dreams of becoming as strong if not stronger than his father. He's going to have high expectations. He's going to think that knowledge is everything. He's going to show off as much as he can, to make up for the fact that he's the only one in the group who isn't a Trainer. And I love how he learns that you have to actually interact with Pokemon to learn what it's all about, that you can't replace experience, that you can still experience things now even if you are too young to start. There isn't a limit to going out and interacting with the world. He doesn't have to wait. He's allowed to make mistakes and own up and not know stuff and grow, now and in the future. In a way, he's learning the same things as May, and I think that's wonderful.
And while I wish that he could've gotten a Pokemon while on the journey (one that he could keep à la XY with Bonnie), I'm fine with what he had in Advanced. He got to see Gym Battles. He got to travel two (2) regions. He got to see different aspects of being a Trainer, as a Coordinator and as a Breeder/Doctor. He got the recognition of his father in the end and was able to get into the Gym business. He got to play and learn with so many Pokemon and just act his age for once, instead of having to grow up to make up the percieved difference (wrongly percieved, might I add). Dang it, he brefriended two Mythical Pokemon (Jirachi and that other Deoxys). I dunno, he's doing pretty well for himself. Sure he's snappish and remarks on a bunch of stuff, but AG is full of that (ugh Ash was on another level, especially in Hoenn) (we don't talk about flat Brock) and S1 Kanto was way worse.
Anyways everyone go out and appreciate this goober. He did not bond with this Ralts for nothing and I swear I did not cry in this ep just for everyone to hate him. His character growth was awesome and if we ever get a Chronicles 2.0 I need to see his journey (the kids that go with Ash legit get such powerful Pokemon I fear for the competition lol).
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#seriously tysm!! you have freed me from sadness the stomach ache and boredom fr!!!#yeah i never got the max hate. like what did he actually do to anyone??#he wasn't harsh to pokemon like paul. he only got ash in like that first ep they meet and then he's cool with him#in fact he REALLY looks up to ash. so much. big bro energy fr even if he thinks that ash could do better lol#he's a little tsundere ngl. he loves his family and friends but he can't let them know#otherwise they'll treat him lesser or smth. or won't take him seriously#aka he's trying to beat the little kid allegations. which is why he bonds so well with misty when they meet#he WANTS to be the cool one. the better one. the one everyone looks up to#but he learns that it's a heavy role. he sees it when may sacrifices that ride to the last contest (i think??) in that donphan island ep#to make sure that he's okay#he sees it when he had to take ralts when everyone else was busy and the stress got to him#idk i actually never thought this hard about him before but i know deep down that he's so much more than what others give credit for#once more so many thanks!! i'm really fired up now heh#pkmn#deep stuff#silv.ex#ps he also acts smart bc he's taking over the gym business that may was never interested in#so of course he's going to correct her every chance he gets. he doesn't understand different perspectives back then#he didn't know that there were other paths and different learning styles and all that#smth smth meeting birch and his play-based research finding tracey and his watcher/artist background etc etc#yeah he got no pokemon but he got a ton of experience fr
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astrxealis · 2 years ago
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good morning 🥺
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorrey ... not active ..... lots going on but also not (?)#IDK anyways i've reconnected w an old friend who's a childhood friend bcs shes the daughter of my mom's friend ^___^#she said she's gna get into the 1975 more !! but she's alrdy going to the arctic monkey's concert soon which is super cool#and i rmbr our mom asked me and lune if we knew them too <3 but we didn't know there was a legit concert SOBS#yeah miss her a lot and it's sweet how wnvr we do reconnect a bit it always so happens we're into the same thing of sorts :((#AND THEN! wow idk i've grown a lil less hesitant. somehow. idk. literally replied to the story on ig of a guy ik but haven't talked to in ag#ages* purely bcs he kept posting like woaaa based game and then ff6 best ff so i was like SO TRUE but have u played 14#and he has NOT but does want to and then wow we could have had a lil convo but i left to watch a movie sorry bro <//3#what else ... hmm ..... WELL. an old friend from all the way in 6th grade. okay so we often message each other a bit just like 'hey wna be#grpmates' or smth like that and that one time where they gave me a lil help for the chem grp work and i'm like. just comfy talking like#myself fr BUT THENNN messaged me sometime last week bcs. like smth w a grpwork and they got anxious they did smth wrong#bcs no one in the gc replied to them (sorry i didn't either SOBS) T___T ended up turning the convo to 'hey wt abt i finally try to talk w u#properly more' and HELL YEAHHH we both r the kinds that talk/type a lot but sometimes dip and disappear how lovely /gen LMAO <3#idk. uhm. with the school fair we have booths and shifts for the booths and my group is the one with uhh the 4 kids who i'm often groups#with and they're all the. yk kids. ppl who i'd get along w and i've been classmates w all of em b4 but you see they're a grp of friends now#RAGHH ONE OF THEM IK LIKES PERSONA (MULTIPLE?? IDK. they once were like yo apollo u seem like u like persona lol#IDK WHAT THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN but yes i do have akechi and ren charms on my backpack for school#AND THEN ONE is into like gi pjsk a lot of rhythm games and gacha mobile but all like uhh. yeah? tot love live bandori ... still cool fr tho#she's rlly nice tbh lol ^___^ wait tbh all of them are HELP but uhm idk but it's nice when ppl r nice to me#tbf that's literally how i got my first crush BUT WE DON'T TALK ABT THAT !! yk sometimes i unconsciously wonder abt her or look for her and#then i did see her again after a few months since seeing her early in on the school year bcs shes in basketball and i hung out at the uhh#covered court w my best friend whos in another varsity bcs we stayed late at school that day to help out w fair preparations!#i refuse to like her again but i realize i like that familiarity with feelings and uhmm yeah shes cool ig i kinda wish i was less. uhm. shy#back then? you see i barely cld talk to her ... LIKE. she'd be like. heyy! and do shit sometimes and i WOULDN'T TALK or just smile and#mumble RAFGHHHFHFHDHH but she'd say hi to me and include me in things and jokes and it made me rlly /@!(@/'dmdkzn okay#AND sometimes when i do talk back I am SOOOO GODDAMN AWKWARD GOOD GODS anyways now i'm like. less awkward. or maybe i've just accepted it n#i'm cooler now B) and a lot more confident zEjfhejdjsnk. yeah. and uhmm yeah that's it#BUT YEAH nice classmate she asked me for a hug once lol and i notice she's affectionate w her friends n it reminds me of m y own bestie awhh#she sometimes talks to me which i rlly appreciate even if it prolly seems like i hate her sorry i just suck w talking
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bewby · 2 years ago
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when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol
#it has been 3 years and i'm still here crying over this#well technically it has been about 1 year but also not really. i mean. we stopped talking around december ir smth last year#so it makes sense that this wound is still pretty fresh and will take some time to heal but i'm like. hahhaha#he's still my best friend and this really makes me sad#because i really love him and we even hung out together on genshin for some time#and we sent eachother really nice messages and i told him he xan always come to me no matter what and that i'm always here for him#and that if he's ever in a crisis he can even come see me he doesn't even have to ask#and now i'm blocked. hshdjckdjdhjf#i mean why am i surprised. he has every right to. and i'm his ex . and he likes someone else now#but it still really hurts because i wish i could be a better friend to him at least. but i can't talk to anyone these days#but especially with him it hurts so much because i actually know him so so well and it hurts so much more . like. we know eachother since#i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!!#i need to accept that it's over since like years but you can't just do that when you really love someone and care for them#haha . this really sucks alot#i know i need to just move along and i try i do but i will never stop having love for him even if it's just platonic it's so deep like wow#i donmt even know how to explain it and my love for him took over my entire life for years to the point where i turned into an absolute#nobody and it worried him so much too so obviously it makes sense that this takes some time . but God ahhahahshshshahah. ahhahahshsah#i feel so sad and i'm allowed to feel sad . but wjen i feel sad it feels like i'm fucking dying#wow. okay i'll stop now#he has every right to block me but he's my best friend so it hurts. that's all
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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Probably am not gonna attend lab in the morning, bc I have complete certainty that if I do, I am going to have a complete mental breakdown (as if I haven't already been in the midst of one)
I'll email my professor if I'm unable to finish the lab by the end of the day. He's pretty understanding about this stuff, & if I get some points docked for being late, it's not the end of the world. I've been doing well in this class, overall.
What I AM going to do. Is call the damn psychological services in the morning. Bc Clearly, I am not coping well.
#speculation nation#i laid down to sleep 2 hours ago. to no one's surprise i am still awake.#i need smth stronger than melatonin. i need horse tranquilizers.#i keep thinking like 'oh i feel relatively okay. i'm probably just being dramatic'#but then i think about the stressors and it's like a record-scratch in my brain.#and regardless of how i'm doing overall. or rather how i Think i'm doing. this night still happened.#i regressed Undeniably and this is a clear sign that i need some fucking help#if for nothing else than like. mood stabilizers or whatever lmfao.#i'm trying to think about what actually happened. what Led to this. but i'm struggling to conceptualize it.#i left work. had a brief sit out in the sun. read some fanfic.#then I went home and just... something in my brain went wrong.#combination lab stress and stress over my other class And also the horrid state of my apartment rn#that's... probably part of it... or a lot of it really...#my brain went numb. a record scratch. and i was unable to go to my default coping strategy bc of the meeting and lab#and... yeah. muscle memory i guess. and a strange sense of brain fog. it just kinda happened.#i've been drinking more lately. not enough to impact my health. and i wouldnt say i'm addicted.#i never drink more than one or two drinks at a time. Maybe 3. just enough to get a pleasant tipsy going#but it's like an itch. the moment im feeling bad. stressful day at work. low mood. Whatever#i want to drink. both as a form of self harm and as a form of brain numbing. stabilizing my mood.#ah. that's the central thing here huh. i guess i really do need help.#sorry for hashing through it here. it's just almost 2 am and i dont rly wanna talk to anyone anyways.#just. tonight is just. the longest weariest sigh imaginable.#negative/#self harm ment/#alcohol ment/#i dont want to talk about specifics about what happened bc i dont want people to try to tell me what to do#and i know they would. they always do. Always saying just 'dont do that' instead of considering why i do#better to just do as i will and not mention it. bc in the end no one can fucking stop me.#... but it would probably be good to talk to someone who could help me balance it. give me better ways to cope i guess#i dont know. it's complicated. i just feel a weird sense of dread when someone expresses worry. i dont like it.
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nonokoko13 · 1 year ago
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Why can't people like a celebrity without imagine them as queer? Can't people like Taylor music without go saying she's lesbian/queer when she hasn't said anything about that. Pretty sure if she was attracted to women she would have already said it 🫠
Even in the hypothetical scenario where she was queer indeed pressuring somebody to come out or out them yourself is selfish, stupid, dangerous, toxic and overall fucked up (-᷅_-᷄)
We have so many queer pop icons out of the closet but you need to headcanon your favourite ally/het as lgbt for...comfort reasons? Just because she's your fav? Because you are queer? Dude she's not a fictional character can you not spread false information or discuss real people orientations and just enjoy their content 💀
all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.
#saying this as bi myself btw#WHO SAYS LADY GAGA DOESN'T COUNT AS QUEER JUST BECAUSE SHE'S A BOY KISSER TOO#i'm tired of this shit#please remember that is LGBT+ NOT LGT+#bi/pan folks exist. No need to act like people is either gay or straight and there's no in between when that's clearly *false*!#And even if you aren't lgbt+ I think having this opinion of not giving real people hc sexualities/orientations is still valid#you have too much free time if you're wasting it to theorize about somebody private life while ignoring the very much confirmed queer icons#Plus. If you care sm about somebody sexuality to the point if they aren't what you want them to be you get disappointed/upset#rather than caring more about their work which they produced and you supposedly consume as a self-proclaimed fan...#Are you really a fan of them? I don't think so.#A true fan loves them for who they are or what they produce. Not because for who they feel attracted to#Imagine working your way to the top as a musician or whatever career you pursue and your fans grade your worth or their liking to you#based on who you kiss or sleep with or who you don't 💀#feeling like OOP pfp for real#this is exhausting#Idc less about who Lady Gaga kisses. Yeah having her as bi icon was important to me but if tomorrow she decides to come out as smth else#I'll keep listening her music. Because I like her music. And her personality. And some of her outfits. The end#there are many songs made by women/nb who like women iswtg#you don't need to pretend straight people isn't straight in order to like their music or to like them as a person I promise it's okay 🙏#Also what in the actual fuck is that article??? People seriously get paid for writing that? 💀💀💀💀#So sorry for all the shit you must have read in order to need to do this thread OP and afterwards too#ALSO BATMAN NAME based opinion and good taste hell yeah ✨#the you in all this post only goes to those who think like that btw. If you feel offended the problem is on you#how about taking reading comprehension classes before speaking. Some people are in dire need of it#those who believe a bi is less queer icon than a gay one is in my blacklist. If you come to me with that bs I'll block you on sight
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phagodyke · 2 months ago
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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taruruchi · 7 months ago
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I've been working on this for... a while
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She was making fun of his physical abilities (flight, running, yk) and he wasn't about to take it lying down
Other ver + w/o text under the cut bc I wasn't completely satisfied with this one KDKDJSKDM
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dampfoxes · 10 months ago
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not to be dramatic but
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julesnichols · 1 year ago
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Y'know. There were several ups and downs when I was working for the mouse, and the downs were always really, really bad. But like also I'm glad for them because four years ago I absolutely would not have said SHIT about being given a shift that conflicts with my availability and just worked it hoping it never happened again. Now I will talk to all four fucking managers who work throughout the entire day I've been here until one of them listens instead of pushing back and getting pissy about me saying it's not my fault and sure, I'll try to find coverage to be nice, but not my fucking problem if I can't find it, can't work the shift, they can't mark me as a no show and they can die mad about it because they should've thought about it before giving me a shift I can't work 🤷
#vent#obvs i said all that in more professional language#but like i was fucking firm about it that yeah i'll humor them and ask around but that's also not my job bc it wasn't my mistake#so if they end up understaffed sucks to suck. only so much i can do if everyone i talked to was booked and busy#not my fault some idiot who makes more than me to do one single task on a 9-2 schedule weekdays only didn't have her shit together#anyways i am Proud of myself bc i no longer take shit#sucks that it took those lows to get to this point but y'know what? i'm grateful#wish i could've learned these lessons a different way#obvs. but i am glad that i did learn them#anyways today sucked but i got almost 7.5 paid hours instead of the 6.5 i was originally supposed to get so ✌️#somewhat makes up for me needing to call out last sunday lmao#also i put up with soooo much shit i am a Team Player if i refuse to back down and choose a hill to die on it means smth to me#extend me to a 10 and a half hour shift and only take a 30 meal break instead of the hour i'm entitled to?#yeah okay sure more money and the break schedule is already fucked so i don't wanna screw over everybody else#gotta clock in half an hour early and stay twenty minutes late? no problem i'm here may as well. plus money#need me to train someone when i only restarted here 2 months ago 4 years after the last time i worked here? sure. why not.#blind leading the goddamn blind and all that but like i also know what situations ppl have gotten most pissed at me in#so lemme teach you how to do some of the shit nobody explains the way they need to#so if i call out it's bc my legs well and truly WILL give the fuck out if i try to stand on them for longer than 5 mins#and if i say i shouldn't be the one to fix their mistake but i'll try a lil. i am a nice person i am a team player i can and will take shit#from them but also i am not a goddamn pushover#i know my limits and i know my worth
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fightingthetides · 3 months ago
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[水]
She’d be correct in assessing him as a ‘himbo,’ considering that he didn’t always think before he did anything… and even if he did think, it sometimes wasn’t the most logically sound. It was like most of his IQ points went into sports and athleticism. He had this idea that she could pay for his burgers and he’d pay for hers, but realized the errors of his thought process when she spoke.
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“Ah! Uh… I meant to say I’ll treat next time!”
Nice save, Mizumachi. Totally believable and sound reasoning. That’ll work, right? She can pay this time around and he can pay for the next time! That way he can return the favor because she also made some breakfast for him that other time. Hm?
“Let’s go! Say, do you like feeding people?”
He keeps pace with her as she walks them to the promised burger land- or rather, truck. If he had a nickle for each time she’d fed him, he’d have two nickles. It wasn’t a lot, but it was interesting how it happened twice already in the time they’ve known each other.
Selling Japanese burgers already would have him sold. Wakwak burger was going to have a new regular customer who was craving a reminiscent taste of home, no doubt. With how hungry he was feeling, somewhere close was definitely for the better, he’ll get to eat sooner!
“Ah… I could eat 5, yeah. Some days I could eat 10. Depends on how hungry I am. I eat a lot after practice.”
Which was to say that he didn’t gorge himself on food before practice, because it would only slow him down if he pigged out on food. It was better for him to make up for the calories lost during practice by eating his fill on food afterwards.
“How about you? 1? 2?”
Seemed like a safe conservative guess for how many burgers she could eat in a single sitting. It seemed pretty fun trying to guess how much she could eat.
    Of course, Vivian waits for him to finish speaking first before blinking, rather dumbfounded. Ah... were her words somehow lost in translation, she wonders? No sooner does she realize this, she'll then subsequently grimace before letting out a weak chuckle, because when it came down to it, she had completely forgotten Mizumachi happened to be quite the himbo... for better or for worse. Why, if it weren't for the fact Vivian already knew English wasn't his first language, she may find herself growing flustered over having the compliment redirected back at her, but coming from his lips, it did not sound the very least bit sexy.
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    "Er... listen, when I say 'treat', I meant I'll be the one footing the entire bill; in other words, your burgers will be paid for by me," Vivian finally clarifies while resisting the urge to add 'Capiche?' at the end. Honestly, the whole entire time, she felt stupid for even having to explain it, but considering this was Mizumachi she's talking about... well, perhaps further simplification was necessary. Regardless, she'll soon turn once she figures out the perfect place to take him.
    "Now, come! We have a food truck to go to," Vivian announces, and upon giving Mizumachi one final peek peek over her shoulder, makes a beckoning motion with her hand before setting off. Naturally, she planned on taking him to Wakwak Burger, a food truck in Vancouver that was known to sell Japanese burgers for the very affordable price of $2.85. Granted, after recently selling off her old Miku figurine on eBay, she could afford to take him someplace fancier, but seeing as though Wakwak Burger was way closer to where they were, Vivian concluded Mizumachi would appreciate her choosing a place within walking distance.
    "Oh yeah, that reminds me! How many burgers can your black hole of a stomach manage, Kenny? 5? 10?" came her eventual query, because sure enough, it finally dawned on her she has no idea how much Mizumachi could actually eat.
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vamptastic · 2 years ago
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been starting to realize that ive been doing Real Bad for a Real Long time and it's a bit scary. ive upped my antidepressants which should help in a couple weeks (and them starting to wear off is probably what caused the depressive spiral, tbh). and honestly just knowing what's going on and being able to take active steps to fix it instead of feeling like ive just suddenly lost my ability to be a whole human person is helpful.
but god it's so scary that i was like that for months and didn't really notice. i mean, obviously i knew things were bad, but i was really attributing it to a personal inability to keep up with the expectations around me and not realizing i was mostly struggling so much because my mental health had tanked. i managed to scrape my way out of this one without crazy longterm damage, beyond worrying some teachers, missing the early application deadlines for a couple schools, and overall reinforcing the idea that i am unwell and not to be trusted with my parents, but it's very demoralizing to know that even though i work very hard when i'm able to there will probably always be periods in my life when my depression impedes me from amount of work expected of a normal human being.
i mean, i'm still in high school, and i couldn't keep up with just coming to school every day and keeping up with classwork. i'm not saying this makes me a terrible person, contributing to society isn't what gives someone worth, but i know i'm capable of more without this setback and it's frustrating.
just, i don't know what i'm going to do once i live on my own. having people around me who can look at me and say 'hey man you are clearly going through some shit take it easy' is the only way i can snap out of episodes like these thus far. ive been looking forward to college and feeling like my life and time is going towards a meaningful purpose for so long and i am going to be so, so upset if i fuck it up.
it just hurts having high expectations put on me, i guess. i don't want go on a litany of gifted kid woes or whatever but i am very intellectually intelligent and adults have looked at that and assumed i must succeed and if i'm not i'm not trying hard enough. it's great when i do achieve something big and i get to fulfill those expectations but i just don't know if i can, in the long term.
i struggle with such basic parts of being a functional adult. and i know my parents and teachers do just want me to be happy and don't care if i don't end up where they thought i would, but it just always feels like there's this better version of me out there if i could just stop missing school and stop procrastinating and really apply myself. but when i DO apply myself i quickly burn out and enter another destructive spiral.
there's not really a point to this, i guess. just that i want to succeed and i don't want to fuck it all up for myself because my brain tells me it doesn't matter for a few months. it does, when i'm not depressed i do care, so so so much, and i hate having to fight myself for what i want.
#txt#i know there's like a lot of internalized abelism here#i mean idk that im disabled per se but#its easy for me to look at someone else and say that just living is all that is required and ability to work doesn't give you worth#but i can't really apply it to myself#kinda for commie reasons. i believe strongly in the power of my ideals i guess. that everyone should want to help other people.#that a good life is spent fighting for others rights. that that's a virtue. but i mean.#that's kind of contradictory cos like who is fighting for my life and happiness? why does other ppls wellbeing matter but not mine?#and i guess i need to learn to see life as more collaborative. each to his own ability yk?#like every person should help others as much as they can. but if they can't at all? it's okay.#even if they can't do as much as others think they would bc of their mental health. also okay.#it is just hard to actually believe that when so few ppl actually believe their life should be dedicated towards smth useful to society#that their personal wealth and comfort while still valuable is not more valuable than others. t that they should care abt those worth off#guess there is value to the idea that you should get to do what you want with your life too. suppose that is the primary issue w communism#i mean every job is valuable to society nvm. anyway I'm sort of off the rails here uhm#depression sux im sick of it i want to be an environmental engineer and i don't want this to hold me back.
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