#i'm actually going to throw myself in the ocean over this

[pmak2002]

Ow Joan but also Bob why did you have to go and be a prick 😭

really normal story i found about bob and joan (in 1984) from and a voice to sing with

[aurumacadicus]

Omg. A concept:

"I'm glad you all could make it," Tony said solemnly, hands clasped behind his back as he paced in front of the table.

"You literally texted us all that it was dire," Rhodey deadpanned.

"And then you texted me that I should bring donuts," Happy added, unimpressed.

Tony didn't take it personally. They were all there and Happy had actually stopped and picked up donuts.

Pepper looked even less pleased. "Are you dying again? Because if all of this was to tell me you're dying again, I'm going to be pissed."

Carol blinked, mouth already filled with a cake donut with sprinkles. "Huh?!"

"Don't worry about it," Tony told Carol, just as solemnly as he had before. "This meeting is to inform you all that I will be leaving the country imminently. I have already scheduled to have my appendix out and will be living the rest of my life in Antarctica."

"HUH," Carol barked again.

Pepper tapped at her phone and raised an eyebrow, reluctantly impressed. "Wow. You really did schedule a voluntary appendectomy."

Happy sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, then leaned back in his seat tiredly. "Why are you planning to live out your remaining years in Antarctica?"

Tony sighed the sigh of the supremely put upon, turning to look out one of the windows at the view. "I giggled in front of the Avengers."

There was a brief pause. Carol was frantically chewing to bellow another 'huh' at him, but Rhodey reacted first, instead shrugging and reaching out for a bear claw. "Oh, well, rest in peace, pal."

To Carol's relief, both Happy and Pepper screamed 'what' with her in response.

Rhodey blinked at them placidly. "Guys, he literally says 'heeheehee' when he giggles. He hasn't laughed like that in front of other people since college and a group of girls started teasing him about how cute it is."

"I did not get laid until the memory faded from MIT's collective consciousness," Tony added, nodding. "Girls thought I was adorable and guys made fun of me in mean ways. I forgot myself and now must pay the price."

"You're such a fucking drama queen, Tony," Happy sighed. "And what do you expect to do when you're too old to take care of yourself?"

"Walk onto the tundra and peacefully fall asleep, and perhaps they'll ship the ice cube that is my body back for burial," Tony answered promptly.

"I can't tell if this is a joke or not and it's upsetting," Carol snapped, and Pepper just sighed at her, pitying.

"The room went silent, and Natasha just looked at me and said 'oh' and looked like she might cry," Tony continued, ignoring her. "Clint didn't even make fun of me. He just said 'aw.'"

"Steve must have liked it at least, right?" Pepper asked desperately.

"He crumpled to the floor like I'd personally grabbed his guts and twisted," Tony informed her. He turned to look at Carol and Rhodey. "In any case, I called you here to inform you that the team might need your help more now that I am no longer an option. Pepper, Happy, run the company as you see fit."

"Can I get your Def Leppard vinyls?" Rhodey asked over Carol's frustrated howls.

"Stop fucking encouraging him, Jim," Pepper barked, then was distracted by a text from Steve. "Steve texted me."

"I will hear no arguments. I have already made up my mind," Tony informed her imperiously.

Happy read over her shoulder, shameless. "'Tell Tony I survived seventy years in the ocean and I will come and get him from Antarctica.' How'd he italicize part of a text."

"I think he just radiates disapproval at the screen until it cries uncle," Pepper replied.

Tony considered all of this new information, then decided, "Well. I suppose I'll just have to keep moving. JARVIS, the armor, if you please."

"Captain Rogers has already broken into the lab and dismantled several, and has told me he will leap on any suit I manage to get flying toward you," JARVIS answered promptly.

"I see. Then I will just throw myself from the window now," Tony replied, and both Carol and Happy scrambled up to tackle him.

[cakypa120]

Shazamfamily liked Epic the musical, but when they put all of the JL to watch it, or even when they do it themselves, some of the gods are constantly saying somethings that actually happened or corroborating the story Infront of them.

The Shazamily really like the musical Epic. So they decide to show it to everyone else in the League. They manage to do it at a bonding night.

Bruce: Epic? I've heard something about it.

Billy: Yeah, it's a musical about the adventures of Odysseus.

Barry: Is that the one who blinded the Cyclops?

Billy: Yeah. That's him.

The Troy Saga

Bruce: I gotta hand it to him, he wanted to raise him as his own.

Barry: Zeus is a bastard. No offense, Diana.

Diana: My dad wasn't a very good God then.

Clark: Marvel, is this all true?

Billy: Pure, and if anything is different, I'll tell you.

Eugene: Sometimes it's good to have Gods in your head.

Hal: You know, I think Politec is going to die.

Oliver: It's obvious!

Dinah: One more word out of your mouth and I'll throw you off the wall myself.

Hal and Oliver: Yes, ma'am.

The Cyclops Saga

Hal: I told you so!

Dinah:*punches him in the stomach*

Bruce: It's stupid to tell a Cyclops your name. It won't end well.

Darla: Zeus said Poseidon got really mad.

Clark: Really?

Pedro: Sure. Injuring a child of a God was insulting the God himself. The punishment was murder.

Barry: Shit, do we have to wait for Zeus to go on a rampage over Diana?

Billy: No. Time passes and Gods change. Including Zeus. He's a jerk though.

Zeus: Hey!

Achilles: He's right.

Atlas: Should I remind you about all your kids?

The Ocean Saga

Bruce: I told you.

Hal: Yeah, yeah, Spooky, we know how smart you are.

Clark: Poseidon is really mad.

Mary: Yeah.

Barry: What Aeolus said scared me.

J'onn: It's a god. Of course his words are a warning.

Solomon: Not everything the gods say means anything. Sometimes it's just crap.

Zeus: Why do I feel attacked?

The Circe Saga

Billy: Did you know that Odysseus is Hermes' great-grandson?

Bruce: Is that why he helped?

Freddy: No. Because he was bored.

Clark: How did he know that?

Darla: He told us himself. We have dinner with him sometimes.

The Underworld Saga

Barry: I feel so sorry for his mother! *cries bitter tears*

Diana: *comforts him*

Hal: Why wasn't Hades here?

Billy: He was swamped with work. He said there wasn't even room for a dropped needle. So many people died.

J'onn: I'm interested in the words the choir sang in the background of Tiresias' prophecy.

Bruce: I'm more interested in the prophecy itself.

Clark: It bothers me that Odysseus is becoming a monster.

Billy: What can you do? The gods make people change.

The Thunder saga

Barry: Why didn't they listen to him?!

Hal: Zeus was flirting with a cloud?!

Diana: My dad's not that perverted.

Billy:*puts his hand on Diana's shoulder* I have bad news for you, sister.

Eugene: By the way, it wasn't rain.

Hal and Barry: Stop talking!!

Zeus: I wanted to seem really dangerous.

Hercules: Stop making excuses.

Oliver: They could have easily lost six people, but they had to screw up like that.

Bruce: I can understand them.

Oliver: But can't justify it.

The Wisdom Saga

Bruce: Odysseus didn't cheat on his wife?

Zeus: Lie! Blatant lie! He had an affair with Calypso! And they even had two children!

Hercules: Compared to you, he's more faithful than any dog.

Achilles: Agreed. Everyone knows what a womanizer you are.

Billy: He had an affair with Calypso.

Barry: Then why did Hera decide to let him go?

Darla: She and Athena are friends. So...

Hal: And Zeus?

Billy: Athena is his favorite daughter.

Zeus: That's not true!

Hercules: Don't lie. Everyone knows that Athena is your favorite.

Solomon: You don't even hide it.

Bruce: Athena definitely has a favorite.

Clark: What she said about the bloodshed in Odysseus' house worries me.

Oliver: I would kill those pathetic suitors too.

The Vengeance Saga

Hal: Holy shit!!!

Barry: Tell me he actually did that!!

Billy: Yeah, he did. It's not shown much, but he landed exactly six hundred punches. I swear you can still see those scars on Poseidon.

Bruce: Why was Hermes dancing on the raft?

Mary: He was bored.

Clark: How did Zeus react to his brother being attacked?

Pedro: He literally laughed. He still reminds Poseidon of that when he wants to be a piece of shit.

Zeus: I admit. It's true. His face is so funny.

The Ithaca Saga

Oliver: Why is the suitors' song so beautiful and so terrible at the same time?!

Diana: Now I understand why Ares has a portrait of Odysseus hanging in his room. Such carnage.

Jonn: Isn't Penelope brilliant?

Bruce: I agree. That's pretty clever. Maybe me should have a similar competition for my daughters' hands?

Oliver: I'll help you set it up.

Barry: *cries since the reunion between father and son. The last song finished him off and he turned into a puddle of tears and snot*

Hal: *tries to help Barry come to his senses, although he himself is crying*

Dinah: That's wonderful.

Clark: I agree. Thanks for introducing us to this musical.

Shazamily: You're welcome!! We're glad you liked it.

[ohdorothea]

more info on the tournament here <3

lyrics under the cut!

Florida!!! lyrics

You can beat the heat

If you beat the charges too

They said I was a cheat

I guess it must be true

And my friends all smell like weed or little babies

And this city reeks of driving myself crazy

Little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in

So you work your life away just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin

Florida!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!

Can I use you up?

And the hurricane with my name, when it came

I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away

Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine

Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time

Yes, I'm haunted, but I'm feeling just fine

All my girls got their lace and their crimes

And your cheating husband disappeared, well

No one asks any questions here

So I did my best to lay to rest

All of the bodies that have ever been on my body

And in my mind, they sink into the swamp

Is that a bad thing to say in a song?

Little did you know, your home's really only the town you'll get arrested

So you pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas

Florida!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!

Can I use you up?

I need to forget, so take me to Florida

I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida

Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable

At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida!

I need to forget, so take me to Florida

I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida

Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable

What a crash, what a rush, fuck me up, Florida!

It's one hell of a drug

It's one hell of a drug

Love left me like this

And I don't want to exist

So take me to Florida

Little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in

So you work your life away just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin (Take me to Florida)

Little did you know, your home's really only the town you'll get arrested (Take me to Florida)

So you pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas (Take me to)

Florida!

Is one hell of a drug

(Take me to) Florida!

Can I use you up?

Florida!

Is one hell of a drug

Florida!

Go on, fuck me up

Guilty As Sin? lyrics

Drowning in the Blue Nile

He sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

My boredom's bone-deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

I dream of cracking locks

Throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks

Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox

I'm seeing visions, am I bad?

Or mad? Or wise?

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

I keep these longings locked

In lowercase, inside a vault

Someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts

Only your actions talk

These fatal fantasies giving way to labored breath

Taking all of me, we've already done it in my head

If it's make-believe

Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

My bedsheets are ablaze, I've screamed his name

Building up like waves crashing over my grave

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

What if I roll the stone away?

They're gonna crucify me anyway

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

If long-suffering propriety is what they want from me

They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly

I choose you and me religiously

What if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss, how I long for our trysts

Without ever touching his skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

He sent me "Downtown Lights"

I hadn't heard it in a while

Am I allowed to cry?

[empressgetou]

YOU'RE MINE, I'M YOURS

boyfriend senku x reader

hours after both of suika and y/n who went across to shore to the island where senku and the others were supposed to be. luckily for them ryusui managed to throw suika overboard who was cleaning the docks and y/n who was nearby the kid just in time for the petrification by a second.

y/n stayed behind the island to look for senku as suika went back to the ship to check up on the others and just as night the night falls ibarra and kirisame's group came checking up on the ship making the woman worried about the poor girl on her own in the ship.

"the lab!" echoed through the island.

i recognized that voice anywhere, kohaku! senku and the others must be near. as i look up on the side of the island there they were in a gather with a few people i don't recognized, i was about to ran up to them then i saw kohaku kissing senku...

KISSING SENKU??

i was never the type to be the "im jealous" girlfriend, even before the petrification my relationship with senku is actually great than the usual couples around. that's because he never gave me a reason to over something minor. sure, i may or may not have been a little jealous over the whole marriage thing that was set up with ruri back a few months but that was in the past and now i see this? boy you better have an explanation to this too or i might cut your–

i ran fast as i could to catch up, as i can already see the mobile lab who im assuming suika managed to drive through up to the mountains. as soon as the vehicle stopped they too have stopped their tracks and managed to spot me in my place.

"y/n! you're here! you weren't petrified?" gen asked surprisingly and his eyes went to the leek head whom im not naming.

"nahh ryusui managed to throw me into the ocean just in time with suika" i laughed a little remembering a few hours ago how pissed off i was thinking he has even the audacity to throw us like we're a rock or something but im glad ryusui did managed to save us.

"kekeke somehow i had a feeling you survived that thing though i never expected you'd be here on the island" senku already on my side and had a little smirk on. oh how i wanna punch that handsome face so bad right now.

i rolled my eyes, "course i did. m'not really and idiot ya know." i smirked back.

"good job, you two!" praised senku.

we managed to get out of the villagers hair and went to the underwater cave to hide in the meantime while we prepare in infiltrating the harem and well that includes getting kohaku ready for the act.

"the ingredients are simple!"

"honey, lemon and coconut?"

"ahhh you're making a conditioner?"

"that's ten billion points for you, my dearest!" senku pointed at me as if ive won the lottery.

"you mind leaving me some for my hair?"

and then here's amaryllis having the greatest idea i never would've thought i'd come up with. but men dressing as women? specially senku? i never thought i'd see the day.

"pftt"

"yeah, yeah laugh it while you can honey. you don't know what's coming next for ya." he said while having an obvious annoyed face.

gen however pulled it off but his height was a bit much for an average girl. then there's soyuz, yeah i dont even wanna explain how he looks. and then lastly ginro, well he passed, perfection i might add.

"well that's that. obviously we know who is coming to the harem" i said as i was about to go back to the mobile lab, kohaku spoke.

"we're not done yet y/n, you're next!" and managed to pull me to her side.

"waittt! im not–"

"no buts! come on, you're a candidate yourself if i say so myself plus we could totally infiltrate the harem without a problem if both of you and me work together inside."

"ughhh nooo i don't wanna. too much workkk"

kohaku and amaryllis managed to dress up y/n nicely and while doing so senku's eyes never left her figure and her hair specially. he realized that y/n never actually leave her hair down just like before the petrification maybe because they were always busy working back at the village it would be distracting having her long wavy hair in the way, he only saw her hair down whenever she'd take a bath by the river and whenever she would sleep beside him. amaryllis also put make up on y/n and it definitely just made her even more beautiful and vibrant much to senku's pleasure. he was falling all over again.

"looking good there", he complimented

"thanks. i thought you'd never notice", y/n sarcastically said.

"been a while since i've had make up on too. does it look weird?" she asked worriedly.

"nahh you're good. you're beautiful." he said almost whispering.

"alrightyyy y/n, you're coming with us right?", kohaku asked

"huh? but i'm not really needed there right? hehe", y/n tried to convince her friend.

before y/n and her group went to the harem selection she managed to get inside the mobile lab and talked to senku.

"so i was thinking since ya' know could be a few days or weeks before we'd succeed in the infiltration but i just wanna clarify something." fiddling her hands thinking maybe she just misunderstood what kohaku did to his boyfriend.

"yeah, got something to say before you leave me here all alone?" senku joked still doing his science work.

"i saw kohaku kissed you last night." and went silent, it made y/n think maybe she was stupid to even conclude at that idea.

"ah yeah she did"

"what! why?"

"easy tiger, that was unexpected for me as well, we have to get a distraction from the enemy. gen's fault he included me."

silence again.

"but i guess that made you uncomfortable huh?" she nodded still fiddling her fingers.

he saw this and went to holding her close.

"m'sorry if it made you feel bad, i take full responsibility of how you're feeling right now. tell you what i'll give gen an earful about that and maybe after this whole infiltration thing, we spend time more together after, hmm?" trying to apologize the woman.

"mmm, i see.."

"i understand i just want to know why it had to be done." she said faintly smiling.

"m'sorry if you understood that way. there's nothing going on. m'still yours forever and always" he tried to cheer up.

she then hugged him and he immediately reciprocated. silence engulfing them once again while enjoying the company of each other.

"i love you"

"me to honey. i love you so damn much. i'm yours. okay?" reassuring her and gently pushing his lips into her sweet candy flavored ones.

masterlist

"mmm, you're mine and i'm yours" she giggled.

[itsyouch]

I have a confession to make.....😔

I stopped reading Beyonders for two weeks straight....

remember when I said I stop reading/watching when I suspect my fave character is gonna die and I haven't drawn them yet? And if I don't draw then before they die I feel guilty or smth?..... owwww welp that just happened....

Drake is literally done.

HE TOOK THE SWORD MEANT FOR JASON FROM THE LURKER. HES NOT MAKING IT OUT. ITS A LURKER ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!?? GALLORAN ISNT EVEN HERE TO HELP OOOOOHH MY DAYS.

YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THE ONLY PERSON IN HISTORY THAT SURVIVED A LURKER WAS THE BEST SWORD FIGHTER IN LYRIN AND STILL ALMOST LOST? AND HES NOT EVEN W THE GROUP. AND DRAKE ONLY HAS ONE LIFE LEFT AND HES NOT THE BEST SWORD FIGHTER INT HE WORLD??

oh haha, wait he can make it! The lurker just so happens to be Lurkey! Lurkey and Jason are friends, totally! Ya! All Jason has to do is ask Lurkey to leave them alone right?

Yaaaah Lurky and Jason don't have the BEST relationship BUT IT CAN WORK!

OOOH GOD NOOOO! LURKY IS NEVER GONNA COME TO IT'S SENSES. IT HAD A SWORD. MALDOR SENT IT TO KILL JASON! HES NOT A GOOD LURKER!

wait! Maybe it IS a good lurker! Lurkers get set free when they complete their job right? Lurkey did it's job, he messed with Jason, made him sleep deprived, made him have nightmares, killed innocent people in that one town. It did its job right? So maybe Lurkey is here to give Jason another sword to get ready for the war, ya! That's it! (lowkey delusional)

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT! I GOT AN IDEA!

it's not likkke.... morally correct but I'm desperate.

DRINLINGS! THROW AS MANY DRINLING AS YOU CAN ON THE LURKER. THEY ARE PROBABLY GONNA GET CUT DOWN AND ALL DIE BUT ITS WORTH A TRY!

DRINLINGS ALSO ARE OBSESSED WITH SACRIFICING THEMSELVES TO HELP OTHERS! IF JUST LIKE, 40 DRINLINGS JUMP AT THE LURKER MAYYYYBEE JUUUST MAYYYBEEE THEY COULD KILL IT AND MAYYYBE DRAKE COULD LIVE!

NO BUT THEY CAN'T DO THAT BECAUSE IT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE DRINLINGS. GAAAAAH!!! AND THEY LITERALLY NEED AS MANY DRINLINGS AS THEY CAN GET FOR THE WAR

WAIT. ITS ACTUALLY OVER FOR DRAKE.

Brandon Mull set up EVERYTHING so beautifully for Drake's story to come full circle and die, he gave us (me) hope with this:

giving us just one more sweat interaction before things go so horribly down hill. And the fact that after this chapter, the next chapter is when Drake might die...

It really fits Drake's character though. Despite Drake, Jasher, Farfelee and the others agreeing that who ever the lurker picks would just have to try to survive on their own, Drake would of course intervene for Jason. Of course, Drake, the one with one life left, the one determined to end his life in a way that would help others, the one who only ever left Harthenham to improve himself because of Jason, who got a new purpose BECAUSE of Jason, would take the sword for him...

sorry for cutting mid fight, I'm not allowing myself to read any further, I stopped right there cuz I'm too scared to read. So I could basically be ranting and freaking out over nothing, I don't know if Drake is gonna die in this chapter, not yet at least :(

OH SHOOT! NOOO NO NO O NONNO NOOOOO. I ACCIDENTALLY READ SOMETHING I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO. WHY DIDN'T I JUST CLOSE THE BOOK GOD DAMN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "Drake coughed wetly" ???? IS HE COUGHING OUT BLOOD??? DID HE JUST GET STABBED??? OOOOH MY GOOOODDD NOOOOOO!!!!!

WAIT WAIT WAIT!! DID THE LURKER THOW HIM OVER THE SHIP INTO THE WATER??? ok lemme think.

if Drake got thrown over board, it's literally over. the waves of the ocean at Drake's disadvantage, and the lurker able to walk on water could easily spear Drake with his sword through the water and kill him.

But what if the lurker threw Drake over board to get to Jason again, what if it's getting rid of interference? Jasher also intervened, if the lurker killed Jasher, would he crush the amar so he can't grow back? If an Amar Kabal is a target for a lurker, would the lurker keep coming back every time the seedman grows back? Is there this kind of ping that keep the lurker on the seedman until they use all their lives?

Did Maldor put in a special request to not bother with anyone who's not the original target? Is Jason going to have to face the lurker despite Drake and Jasher's attempt to help? Is Drake gonna keep throwing himself on the lurker to save Jason? Is he going to get more desperate every time the lurker ignores him? Is the lurker gonna keep pushing past them to get to Jason?

I'M OVERTHINKING THIS. NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED YET.

I also wanted to mention:

Brandon Mull really knows how to write his characters, I know it's his job, but Brandon Mull writes child character so well.

Jason is always trying to do his best and help his team in dangerous situations even in spite of fear; but at the end of the day, Jason is still a kid, he's still 13, how much more could he possibly take? He's seen people die in front of him, some friends, some innocent strangers, he's been tortured, isolated, and nearly killed himself. He is not getting out of this without any lingering traumas and issues, it's to late now to not be effected by any of this. He is still a kid, he still gets scared.

But now that I've drawn Drake, there is no getting around it..... I've been ignorant for too long now, tonight..... I will finish the chapter....

its not like I have a choice cuz my friend will literally kill me if I stall any longer......

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

I've been thinking about my boat show (shocking, I know), and some facts about Maura that I like to linger on occasionally that make me want to scream cry and throw up when put in the context of her and Eyk together.

Maura is a character that is so obviously terrified of losing her mind. She is more afraid of losing her sanity than losing her life, which is understandable. We can see that the moment we meet her. She's standing in front of a mirror, trying to convince herself she isn't crazy.

The best representation of this is when she's standing in front of a literal firing squad and she doesn't care. Some of these people had just thrown a boy of the railing into the ocean, she knows very well they're going to shoot. But she needs answers. Something strange is happening, and she needs answers. When time stops, she's questioning that, she's questioning Elliot, but she's completely unfazed by the fact that a dozen people had just shot at her.

And then comes Eyk. From the moment the two of them meet, he's never once doubted her judgment. He's turning a blind eye on her rule breaking. He lets her come with the crew to inspect the Prometheus because she asks. He seeks her out and wants her opinion on Ada's death. And when he starts losing it, he doubts his own mind, but never hers. He wants her thoughts, her expertise, her opinion. He wants her to tell him that he isn't going crazy. Even when he thinks she's hiding something after he finds the passenger list, in spite of being angry, he never completely loses that trust in her.

All throughout the insane things happening on the ship, they stick together. They seek each other out, and they always turn to one another.

The hallway scene in episode 6 isn't just important because of the loaded moment they share that makes us lose our minds every time. That scene is my roman empire exactly because of the things I'm talking about here. Before this, Maura had told Eyk everything. She told him about her father, her brother, her potential insanity, everything. She literally told him she used to be locked up in a mental institution. And what happened? He's still here.

Only a dozen people of the whole ship survived, none of it makes any sense, but he's still there with her. She thanks him for not thinking she's crazy. Because for her, her mind is something she can't lose, and she had just spent every single moment on this ship doubting it, but this man in front of her has never once doubted it. Not for a second. We see that again, in the same episode, when they're in the asylum. She begins losing all hope, actually starting to believe she's gone mad. What does he do? He stops her, he reassures her that it isn't over, that they should keep searching for answers.

When Daniel tells her the story, she becomes even more confused because he never really gives her any true answers.

In the end, when everything starts falling apart, when everyone leaves because they think she's talking nonesense, Eyk is the only one who stays. He stays with her until the very end. And when he loses hope, she's the one trying to stop him from despair this time.

Then we also have Eyk's questionable at best, insane decisions at least, and her defending him every step of the way. Like nothing he would ever do would make her not choose his side. When she hears the words from Franz "He's not the man you think he is.", she doesn't hesitate for a single second to talk back to him in defense of Eyk.

He never let her lose what she was most afraid of losing. She never hesitated in defending him to everyone's face and justifying his questionable behavior. Whatever this means for them in the real world, that is poetic fucking cinema.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go scream into the pillow because it's just one of the reasons why I will never be able to free myself from the chokehold that is mauraeyk.

[hermitknut]

Historical Preoccupations

Hi!

So I decided a few years ago that my history + geography knowledge was dreadful and I wanted to work on it, and I've been doing that slowly. But after getting into the Nine Worlds books by Victoria Goddard, I've been reading a lot about the history of the Pacific Islands, Polynesia, and the Pacific Ocean generally, as well as related topics.

I approach everything I read with a certain amount of caution, as I am not a historian (and don't have all the tools to mind to figure out how reliable my sources are, especially as I am in the UK and most of them are not coming from the actual area in question), but it's been an enjoyable ride so far!

I thought I'd throw together a list of all the things I've been reading / have on my to read shelf with some thoughts on them. I can mostly only tell you about how readable/accessible/interesting the text is, so please don't take this as any comment on accuracy/lack of bias.

I'm making a pinned post for my tumblr that will link to this, and I'm going to try and update it as I read things.

Sea People by Christina Thompson

This was the first one I read, and I really enjoyed it! I think there's a bit of a light touch on the impact of colonialism, but her writing style is very easy to read and I found the way she approached the history very helpful. She does start with European contact, but she goes through each point in history and what they thought the history of Polynesia was and why, with what their biases brought to it. Which was fascinating!

Voyagers by Nicholas Thomas

This was a drier read than the Thompson, but it covered roughly the same historical span and helped add a different angle in a few places. The illustrations/photos were very helpful, too, and it's broken up into small enough sections to keep it moving.

Blue Machine by Helen Czerski

A slight step to the left, topic-wise - this is about how the ocean works, how it effects the world, and how people and animals use it. It opens and closes with the author's time sailing near Hawai'i on an outrigger canoe, and while some of the science went over my head, most of it was really interesting and gave me a much more layered picture of what's going on in all that water.

Pacific by Philip J. Hatfield

I've just started this, so I'll add more to this description later; but this is a beautifully illustrated book that is going through the history of the area in small slices. So far it's very readable, and is helping me settle some of the knowledge I've been learning in my mind.

Upcoming reads:

Sailing Alone by Richard J. King

Another slight step to one side, this is a collection of stories of solo-sails seems fascinating - hopefully it's as interesting as it looks!

A Brief History of the Pacific by Jeremy Black

One of several "brief history of [ocean]" books by the same author, seems quite short and will hopefully be a good simple overview before I tackle...

Waves Across the South by Sujit Sivasundaram

I'm somewhat intimidated by this one because it's ~500 pages, but hopefully I can tackle it this year, because it does sound really interesting, and like it's going to go into some greater socio-political depth than my previous reads. Fingers crossed!

Oceania: The Shape of Time by Maia Nuku

The first art book I've ever owned! I think it's going to go into more technical art detail than I'd usually read, but that's probably good for me in the branching-out sense. And it's a beautifully made book, heavy on the photographs and images.

Under consideration:

I'm not letting myself buy any more until I've caught up, but these are some of the other titles I know about (and am eyeing with varying degrees of interest - I definitely want the Low, though I'm currently having trouble sourcing it).

The Happy Isles of Oceania by Paul Theroux

Hawaiki Rising by Sam Low

Come on Shore and We Will Kill and Eat You All by Christina Thompson

Wayfinding by M R O'Connor

Wayfinding by Michael Bond

I'd love to hear any suggestions of titles on the topic, particularly anything from Polynesian authors!

[alicelufenia]

Book 1 of Pale Lights is complete! As usual, my thoughts below

I don't know why it is but it seems every time I finish an ErraticErrata book it is ALWAYS late at night, and then I immediately write up my thoughts while half dead with sleep until 3am. So I thought maybe I'd cut myself some slack this time and sleep on it. Hence I'm writing this the afternoon of the next day.

To start us off, holy shit there were SO MANY characters! I still stand by what I said before, this is a sign of EE's growth as a writer, that he's willing to put so much into all of these characters, and the nature of the story means that basically only two are more or less easy to guess they make it through: Tristan and Angharad, our two POV protagonists. And I even saw some comments from when book 1 was ongoing hedging bets that we might even lose one of them! Which I'm glad we didn't, as I not only like them both, if one were to go it'd probably be Angharad, and ain't no way I'm abiding the female co-star dying over her male counterpart.

Still though, the lack of plot armor for almost everyone was a refreshingly bold decision. We lost some people along the way I thought we'd at least see them stick around, but more on that later.

First off, the world building: this is such a compelling setting to me. The perpetual dark/night angle taking the form of a cavern world so vast it has oceans and weather patterns, is really unique I think! Though it's honestly a bit difficult to picture what shape the world takes, and how much are assumptions from the inhabitants. Like the descriptions of how Glare shines down through "cracks" in firmament above suggests maybe a planet tidally locked with its star, causing sunlight to shine constantly and making the surface uninhabitable, which is why people live underground. But it's less a cave and more like a whole biosphere, with full on islands and continents and different ethnicities throughout, with darker skin trending in the areas with more Glare (understandably). On top of that, while the explanation of cracks letting the perpetual light through has plausibility, there are also stars present? That move in a way they can be used for navigation? There's astronomy in this world???

I'm still very confused as to the nature of this setting, is what I'm saying.

Moving on, I love our main character duo! First off, Tristan is a lot of fun as a classical thief with more wits than combat skills. I don't think he ever is in a straight forward brawl at any point, always trying to blindside or avoid the fighting. His contract with Fortuna had me intrigued from the first page. Also, I see you EE with the chiding immaterial impossibly gorgeous spirit companion draped in red with golden eyes (really, even the golden eyes?) and companion to the inner monologue-heavy MC. Good thing Tristan is ace-aro or that could get awkward.

And then to contrast we have Angharad, who is his counterpart in everything: she's an incredible badass fighter, noble and privileged until recent, honorable duelist and trusting to the nth degree, her patron is an eldritch horror who rarely appears and barely says anything, and there's not a streetsmart bone in her body. She's like if someone brought a Paladin to a game of Blades in the Dark, and I am SO here for it. When the scumbag in their midst murders a man in desperation while they're all trying to flee from monsters, and her response is to immediately challenge him to an honor duel I knew we had something special here. And then it ACTUALLY PAYS OFF in the end! I need you to know I'm snorting her like cocaine, they can never make me hate you Angharad.

I'm saying it already, if Minthara Baenre is my EVIL WIFE, and Catherine Foundling is my GREMLIN DAUGHTER, then Angharad Tredegar is my SWORD LESBIAN NIECE. I relate a concerning amount to her uncle in that regard, I too would take out an 84 year advance to throw infinite money at her to keep her alive and let her do whatever she wants.

Speaking of scumbags, Tupoc Xical (you have no idea how much my mind kept reading Tupac throughout this book) was a surprisingly entertaining addition! This guy was the Worst in every group he was in, but managed to stay funny the whole time. He survived a week on the island with everyone wanting him dead and still got what he wanted at the end-WAIT A MINUTE. It's Kairos! Again!!

Okay I think that's the last comparison to PGTE, they're completely different stories and deserve to be analyzed on their own merits.

For the (surviving) companions to each of our main protagonists, I already love the relationship forming between Tristan and Maryam. He spends almost the whole book wary of showing any trust, but even then everyone else considered the two joined at the hip pretty much from the start. Meanwhile I'm not sure what I think of Song just yet. Her chemistry with Angharad isn't as well developed compared to Tristan and Maryam, at least in book 1, given how much attention Isobel drew from Angharad pretty much up until her death.

Which brings me to both long-running companions who didn't make it to the end; Yong and Tristan probably had, for so long, a close relationship, and their falling out was surprising in its finality, Yong pretty much drawing the line at not just Tristan scheming to use the Watchmen as bait, but also didn't tell any of his companions about it. Yong's self-inflicted death weighs on Tristan, and I really wanna see where he grows from here, especially if he's willing to trust more, starting with reaching out to Maryam.

Isobel and Angharad, by comparison, are a super complicated pair. A large proportion of Angharad's judgement from the beginning of the book through towards the last act can be called into question given the nature of Isobel's contract. When the truth finally comes out, it understandably leads to a schism, and while I know it's a bad decision on the characters' behalfs, I love that this was then turned around into them "starting from a clean slate" and basically staying together despite this, albeit with Angharad now having full knowledge of how Isobel's contract works. To the chagrin of everyone around them, Song especially.

Unfortunately it is not to last, with Isobel dying unceremoniously in the charge to the last town and the third trial. This one honestly surprised me more than Yong, who I always thought had a high chance of going out before the end being the older mentor type with a troubled past. Isobel seemed primed to turn over a new leaf, maybe exit the story in some other way as she had no intention of completing to the end. In hindsight given that the last town was secretly overrun by cannibalistic devils in disguise, her actual chances weren't all that great, and at least a bullet from a cultist avoided being eaten and puppeted by a devil.

But man, I just feel so bad for Angharad, she really got the short end of relationships in this book, and her competition is the ace-aro cum demiromantic. At least Tristan has Maryam, and while Angharad and Song are showing signs of interest, like I said the chemistry just isn't there, almost in opposition to her and Isobel where there was, essentially, too much chemistry you could say. I'm willing to give them a chance, and with the next book being almost twice as long (keeping with tradition) I'm sure they'll have plenty of time, given they'll be in the same cabal.

Incidentally, I might as well address the "Song killed Isobel" conspiracy, as of literally only having read book 1. I had my worries at first, that either she or Brun might have killed Isobel in the chaos of fleeing. Then a few chapters later Brun gets revealed when he tries to kill Angharad, so it definitely wasn't him. Now, the problem with it being Song is threefold.

First, there really isn't any reason for her to have killed her; sure she was irritated at Angharad still seeing Isobel, but at that point Isobel was no longer a major player; all her other fellow infanzones were either dead or estranged, and she was going to drop out literally after reaching the next town. Second, the only real "evidence" was that Isobel died as if she were facing toward Brun and Song, away from where they were all running. Which Angharad immediately guesses the musket ball to the cheek spun her around, which everyone in comments called naive at the time, except then Lan dies to a cultist's musket in the exact same way a few chapters later, and Angharad witnesses that one.

Third and final though, Angharad is Song's pick for the Scholomance, and Song (presumably) wants to be on good terms with her just in general, being in the same cabal and all. Why would she jeopardize that for basically nothing? I know I don't really know anything about her right now, but I feel safe calling this conspiracy theory bust. Please, I just want Angharad to catch a break 💔

Moving on already, the last three surviving trial takers honestly intrigue me. Ferranda, Zenzele, and Shalini are like a second party to our main protagonists that have only occasionally crossed over. We've seen less of them than half the dead characters. Given they've all lost someone along the way, and seemed to have bonded as a result, I'd like to see more of them. But unless they're gonna make a surprise appearance at Murder Harvard, I don't know how we'd get to do that unless we get a return of interludes next book.

Well, arriving at the end, we have 7 survivors (and Tupoc) with at least 5 heading to Scholomance. There was a real whittling down this first go around. I'm guessing the next book will have a very different feel now that our main cast is settled. Mostly.

So, who of the figures in the main header are our protagonists? Best guess I have so far are, from left to right: Song (only one with a musket, also she's TINY), Angharad (Tall Queen, and wielding a saber), Tristan (Yong's pistol, and maybe a mask since he's in the super secret covenant. Also standing on a box cause ain't no way he's that tall), Maryam (wields Signs, probably a hidden dagger), and two characters we've yet to meet (sword and blunderbuss wielders).

Oh, and based on the epilogue I can already tell this is gonna be one hell of a school. Tristan's boss in the secret covenant (haven't gotten the names down yet) is a god-damned devil (albeit on the Watch's side instead of Pandemonium), and "Abuela",is some sort of shapechanging abomination and is going to be both very entertaining and potentially very uncomfortable to be around in scenes.

But never mind that, anyone up for a bit of treason?

Until next time.

[balkanradfem]

When it was my last day living with the broken-bones lady as her live-in carer, and I knew I would go home the next day, I had a dream in which I was flying. But it was not my normal flying dream, this was something else.

As a kid, I would commonly dream that I could fly, but I would usually need a prop. I would need to wear my 'special green pants', or hold onto a 'magical stick', and only with it I could fly. But by the end of the dream, I would usually lose my prop, and become unable to fly, to my dismay.

As an adult, I would have dreams in which I could fly, but towards the end it would become harder to do it. At the beginning, I would find myself high in the sky, looking over the roofs of the houses, having a great time, but then next time I would try to take off, it wouldn't work every time. I would have to run and jump and even then it would only sometimes work, and it would take great effort to fly, and I could only go very low by the end, losing my confidence in my ability to fly. I would have to concede that my flying powers were temporary.

The dream I had the night before going back to freedom was insane level. I was not only flying, I was soaring. It was not 'run and jump and somehow low fly', I would push myself off of the ground and I would be a hundred feet up in a second. I was flying to the tops of mountains. I was running to the edges of the cliffs, throwing myself over them, seeing the ocean and then flinging myself up laughing. I tried to land on some rocky area and had a realization that landing on sharp rocks can actually be dangerous! I then practiced landing on the top of the mountains instead, learning to slow down and pace myself so I wouldn't hurt my feet when I landed. I was in the sky for that entire dream. I was practicing maintaining speed and landing techniques. It was the closest I will ever experience to being a bird.

I'm still thinking about that dream and how awesome that was. The views I had seen, the ocean, the mountains, reaching everything from high up in the sky. How it only kept getting better. Knowing that freedom was coming gave me the most incredible flying dream I ever had.

I always wanted to fly because I wanted to be free. And now I am.

[gods-no-longer-tread-here]

I need y'all to be so normal about this but I'm writing a GoYu Bakery AU (first two chapters are up on AO3) and I'm just. SO proud of how I wrote Gojo's dramatic gay ass realizing he has a crush on a college kid in this scene in chp3.

~

The realization was slow. It actually hit him just as he was midway through saying hello to Megumi as he returned to the office. Gojo froze, words dying in his throat, as his brain began to frantically analyze his own behavior over the past six months. He’d been so sure that he was only going to the cafe for the food, and for the way no one fawned over him, that he’d completely missed the fact that he was only happy after a visit if he got to speak to Yuji.

He had not been going for the food. He’d been going for the baker.

Gojo let out a string of vicious cursing, calling himself a dozen kinds of idiot, and just barely caught himself in time to set the slice of lemon meringue pie he’d brought for Megumi down gently, so as not to ruin it, instead of throwing it at his poor assistant.

“Megumi,” Gojo said in ominous tones, “I am the fucking stupidest man on the planet.”

“Yes, I knew that,” Megumi agreed. “What did you do this time?”

Gojo began to pace the waiting room, running his hands through his hair. “Okay. So. You know how I’m shit at explaining what I want from other people in regards to things like relationships and sex?”

“Yes. Tanaka still wants you back.”

“Tanaka can wait. Well, it appears I am also shit at explaining to myself what I want. Because I thought I just really liked the food at Lucky Pond, and the atmosphere, and how nobody treats me differently there. It’s a novelty. Nothing more. Except.” He spun on his toes sharply, feeling like a prophet of doom, realizing that he had well and truly fucked up. “It’s not just that the food’s exquisite and the atmosphere’s comfortable. It’s the fact that fucking Itadori Yuji works there.”

Megumi blinked mildly. Then his eyes widened in shock, and he blurted, “He’s over a decade younger than you!”

“Exactly!” Gojo exploded, throwing his hands in the air. “He’s a baby, barely nineteen! But he’s adorable and sweet and talented and kind and just stupid enough to be endearing but still intuitive enough to be fun to talk to and I want to be the kind of man worthy of his attention so bad that it’s pathetic!” He collapsed in a chair, flinging his arm over his eyes. “Megumi. As your mentor, I beg of you to kill me, throw my corpse in the ocean, and make everyone think I retired to Malaysia.”

“Absolutely not. Fake your death like a normal person.” Megumi shoved the pie aside and started typing aggressively on his computer. “I’m emailing Nanami. He can take over all business with Lucky Pond while you get over Itadori. Fucking hell… at least you realized this before he fell in love with you.”

“He’d never,” Gojo said gloomily. “I overheard him talking to Jupei last week about his celebrity crushes—he likes women. Tall, curvy women with butts and boobs. Not dudes with no meat on their bones.”

“Sensei, are you… are you actually moping?” Megumi demanded incredulously. “Because a guy ten years younger than you is straight and into curvy women?!”

“Oh, god.” Gojo covered his face with his hands. “I’m fucked. I’m so fucked. I’ll fake my death. Nanami can run the business himself, it’s fine. I’ll run away to America and change my name. Should I dye my hair brown or red?”

“Neither. Blond is pretty common in America, right? Blond and blue eyes? You’ll fit right in with the rest of them, annoying as you are.”

"Fuck you. Blond it is."

[dustdeepsea]

writing post-mortem

I wrote (what feels to me like) the ending of castling last night, editing through a haze of new year's eve prosecco where I live in the future. 2024 is over, 2025 is here, let's have some slightly hungover introspection.

I produced about 9k public facing words in a bit more than a month in what was basically a funhouse nightmare version of my usual process: no beta reader, no outline, just vibes, editing as I went, posting regularly and writing for a popular ship where I had not consumed all of the primary (and major secondary) text. I couldn't wing the characterisation. There might be discourse. I set the comments to "AO3 users only" and prayed no one would hate me.

The actual story found me half-way through the writing. It was supposed to be a dark, psychosexual piece. It turned into a someone accepting another person completely, even their trauma and survival mechanisms (personified as a demon, and then later, an angel). Past me would have binned it in disgust, but I kept going because, well, honestly the fic was already live and I was getting nice comments. So I kept writing, trying not to overthink the process. (You could say the spirit of Determination saw me through...)

In contrast, I wrote about half of that in a horrible half year of writer's block in the middle of the year, agonised over and edited so many times I felt literally ill and unable to move past it. (I wandered off to draw, learn how to make focaccia, and tried not to dwell. It helped.)

If I had my usual perfectionist way, each chapter of "castling" would have been twice as long, remixed and reprised more canon plot beats cleverly, and probably ended with me throwing myself into the ocean. Instead, it's written. There's even art of it. There will be a spicy epilogue—strangely, I'm not too worried about that, as the hardest part of sticking the emotional landing is done. (It's not a personal 10/10, but what is, ever?) I'll do a big promotional post when that's finished, maybe.

But Spite is a real third player; Rook has two boyfriends who would literally kill for her and shape the Fade for her. Maybe they'll go on to have more adventures in the future. Selfishly, it does feel like my wandering in the desert is done, even though most readers might not know it.

Anyway, happy 2025, here's wonderwall:

[marleykay]

There is something in the air. It will not leave me alone.

Source always gives out warnings. Source is fair. That is karma.

You act in evil, you send out that energy and it comes around to you in kind. That is fair. It may take a while, but it happens. Karma is justice.

I'm not the most religious person. But I will say The Bible was originally a channeled piece of writing before man interfered with it.

And I have a verse that keeps repeating over and over in my head.

"Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm"

Try to figure that one out.

You've done your work in the dark. Now it is coming to light. I told you. I've been saying and warning everyone things were going to come into the open and the light, and there was nothing that could be done to stop it. I've been saying that for months. On here and on that aura forum.

When you lie and act in dishonesty and deception, you disrupt the harmony and flow of Source. The energy from that in turn works to throw it out to get back to its normal flow. Doesn't matter how long it takes. 3 days, 6 months, 5 years, 3 decades. It will eventually happen.

Source decides how they deal with liars. With deceivers.

Here it is, apparent that Source has chosen its messengers. Has chosen how, when and where messages will be released. All for its plan.

You're anxious and frightened. You don't like that the truth is out there in the open. You don't like the stories going around. You're going to try to try to dispel it.

You don't think Source, God, universe, creator or what have you doesn't know how you will react? That it hadn't thought of that? Source knows you. I'm sure that's all been taken into consideration. You're not going to be able to out maneuver it. I've already said that.

Karma has already been paying you visits. It will continue to. And it will happen in waves. Think of the ocean.

I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just being honest. I'm being fair. I'm telling you so you can, I don't know, brace yourself.

I don't play an underhanded game. I don't play in the dark. I don't cloak myself in deceit. I don't do it the way you do it. I'm being open with it.

The next half year in particular is going to be hard on you. There's nothing you can do. You thought the law would be your cover, and Source told you no. It used one of its messengers. One of its 'prophets'.

This is literally God you're dealing with. It knew the moves you were making in secret and the motives. It's going to make you pay for it.

You can try to tell people that psychics aren't real or that psychics are biased or whatever else. But you know. That's all I care about. Along as you get this message, I'm golden. I really don't care what others think of me. It's not my business. It's not my prerogative.

Higher powers have been at play in this situation for a long time. There is free will, so they can't interfere, but they can try to guide. Source wouldn't allow Henry to be tied to a lie. They sent messengers. His guides themselves kept making him feel and sense things. They were shouting something wasn't right at him. It was going to get out eventually. Source itself tells me the child looks nothing like him. He would have realized just off that itself. He didn't sense the spiritual bond that comes from siring children. Having children is actually a very spiritual thing. There's links, chains that connect you forever. It's why sometimes adopted children always feel like something is missing. He never felt that. He never felt like he had fathered a child. His intuition and 'human' mind were at war for a bit over it. It fostered his doubt. Along with the messengers. They did make him feel more confident in what his intuition was saying.

You hope to still 'win'. You've gone too far with him. No amount of apologies or anything will make him bend to you. You disrespect a person enough, and that door will forever remain closed to you. He wants nothing to do with you. I don't think you can comprehend the amount of resentment and misery he feels towards you. Sorrys will not turn that around. If he ever forgives the deceit and resulting turmoil from it, it will be for himself. Not you. Does not mean there will be reconciliation. You're someone he doesn't want to be around and even look at. You keep pushing your boundaries, and pushing yourself further on him will just further that.

You think the harder you push just means it will eventually work out for you. It will not work that way.

[lesbianneopolitan]

Diary: NEEDY GIRL

I don't want to go to school. I can't get along with anyone. Not with my classmates, not with my teachers. Everyone seems stupid to me. But I know that this feeling is wrong, and that if I were really smart, I should be able to fit in with the people around me.

In other words, I don't fit in.

I wonder if it's a defense mechanism that makes me look down on others. If I don't do that, I'll go crazy. I just have a strangely high sense of pride, no…maybe I'm just pretending to be proud. I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm not smart because I have different concerns than the average person…

I call the people in my class who communicate by talking about popular music and manga "shallow." I feel like I've gained individuality and intelligence just by knowing some minor works on the Internet that I hunted around to kill time…but honestly, I just love dark movies.

I can empathize with unfortunate people and fools who indulge in pleasure. Last night I watched "Requiem for a Dream". Ruining your life because of drugs is shit, but I can understand it. It's like life is boring if you're not drunk on something. I can understand that a billion times better than the stories of handsome guys and beautiful girls falling in love and getting together.

There's nothing. My life is simply nothing. I want to give a reason to this "nothingness," but somehow I perceive my upbringing and environment as excessively unfortunate, and I gradually mistake the convenient delusions that play out in my head for the truth, and that scares me.

Classrooms, parents, classmates, how intelligent I could be, income, social media, the opposite sex that approaches me, the same sex that is showing off…I'm vaguely afraid that trying to maintain myself by blaming others will lead to an irreparable mistake someday. But then I have to think that it's all my fault…yet, depending on how you look at it, I'm the culprit, being a lonely student addicted to my smartphone who hasn't taken any action is my fault.

I wish I could throw away my mistaken pride, admit that popular music and manga are actually interesting, and talk honestly, without thinking of those attempts at conversations as "fawning."

But I can't help thinking that.

Am I really that bad? Isn't it the fault of the adults who turned a blind eye? It's the fault of the people in my school who betrayed me, right?

I, I… I want to die, but if I say "I want to die" out loud, I'll become so shallow that I'll die. I can't stand if my emotions are labelled with an ordinary "troubled teenage girl A." The health teacher tapped me on the shoulder and said, "It's okay. There are good things in life, so let's do our best at our own pace!"

That's right. There are good things, aren't there? Let's think about fun things. I'm sure the teacher's life will be full of "fun events" in the future.

When I finish work and go home, my beloved lover might hug me. I might enjoy a slightly luxurious dinner with my friends.

Maybe the teacher also has to rely on psychiatric drugs in a pitch black room to make it through the morning. But it was the teacher who said there were fun things, so surely there must be a lot of fun things?

Like being drunk forever.

There are a lot of fun things, right? Your mother makes you an omelet rice. Your friend invites you to an amusement park. The manga you were reading becomes an anime. The people you hate get run over by a car. Your mother becomes kinder. The people you hate drown in the ocean. You awaken your psychic powers and are able to blow up the people you hate. You get everything from the bookstore. The people you hate get carried away and fall off a cliff. The people in the classroom, the adults…

[a-student-out-of-time]

Mod, I’m worried about the future. I’m young, but I’m worried about WW3 and potential imminent nuclear war. Why? Because I don’t want people (like my favorite artists and VAs) to have their lives tragically cut short, as well the planet to become inhospitable./gen

//I'm not going to dismiss your concerns, because I was at that same point when I was a teenager. Instead, I'll tell you what I wish I'd been told back then: the mainstream news tells you the worst things possible because it's how they make money.

//Our brains have a natural bias toward negativity, since it probably helped us survive while we were still running from predators in the wilderness, but it's been carried into the modern day and become one of our worst attributes. I'm not joking, there's business incentive in the news to bombard people with negative information because it draws in more clicks and views since we have a natural inclination toward it, and that comes at the cost of truthful, factual information.

//Add obvious political bias in both directions and you have a recipe for misinformation and propaganda that can easily drive one to catatonic depression. I know because that was me as a teenager, and I still get that way sometimes. But let me tell you right now that it's all bullshit.

//Yeah, it's time for some real talk because I've been in a major funk myself.

//I'll start by saying the danger of a full-scale nuclear war is, in all honesty, incredibly exaggerated. They tell you that nukes could destroy the world or render it uninhabitable because that's the best way to deter anyone from using them, but when you get posturing and saber-rattling (not uncommon since 1945), then people start to believe nuclear war is inevitable. It is not.

//That isn't to say that nuclear weapons aren't still incredibly dangerous and should never be used, because they are and they shouldn't be. What people neglect to mention is that Russia's nuclear arsenal is, in all likelihood, so old and obsolete that they probably don't even work anymore. Nukes are actually quite fragile things, requiring delicate machinery to even detonate properly.

//Seeing how badly Russia's performed in Ukraine, using all their resources and still losing so many valuable vehicles and military figures while also trying to suppress a rebellion at home? They tried to gamble on scaring everyone with nukes, but after 2 and a half years, they've done nothing with that. It's an empty threat especially because the moment anyone actually fired a nuke at a smaller nation, they would become an international pariah state. Putin and Kim Jong Un have no reason to actually bomb anybody because that would simply guarantee the destruction of everything they still have, and they're desperate to cling to power even as their nations crumble under their own actions.

//But even if worst comes to worst? There's no consensus that nuclear winter is even a real possibility. The initial estimates were based on cities in Japan that were firebombed during World War II, and their buildings were mostly made of wood and paper. Modern cities are mostly concrete and steel, which probably don't burn in the same way. It's not a theory we should test, but it's worth contemplating.

//Even if that did happen, any idea that you've heard that nuclear war would throw us back to the stone age, that we'd lose all our knowledge and have to start over? False. Most of our storehouses of knowledge, along with common knowledge about how to create things, would survive untouched. Hell, our global fiber optic cables are mostly on the ocean floor, so we might get the internet back up pretty quickly.

//The ecological effects of this would also dissipate within 10-15 years, and so a generation after nuclear war, the world might be back to being relatively normal. Yes, it would be a period of intense misery and hardship, but we would survive and recover. We're actually in a better spot now because the global nuclear arsenal is much smaller than it was in the 1980s.

//But that's a direct event. What about the issues regarding climate change? Progress is being made on that front, so much so that it all would've seemed impossible just a decade ago. We have more ecologically-friendly products being produced, alternative energy sources are coming closer to overtaking fossil fuels entirely, building materials that can actually capture and store carbon dioxide and being developed, ecosystems are growing and recovering at an astonishing rate, the ocean is being cleaned of plastic, and better methods of farming are allowing more efficient use of land.

//These are all just a few examples. With new revolutions in the field of fusion power and proof of concept tests for power-beaming satellites succeeding, I'm honestly convinced we will overcome and reverse the issues regarding climate change. Yes, it can be reversed, we can re-wild the environment, and we're getting to the point that we can actually bring extinct species back. Hell, we can directly grow raw meat and milk in bioreactors now, potentially eliminating the need for cattle and dairy farming while eliminating the risk of disease or contamination.

//For some other great news, global crime rates are at a historic low point, new medical technologies are restoring everything from mobility to hearing in patients, a ban on plastic bags in one state has removed 1.5 billion from the environment, and so many other inspiring stories from just the LAST YEAR AND A HALF.

//In short, while there are plenty of things to be concerned about for the future, we cannot and should not forget that there are great things happening all the time and that there are people working hard to make it possible. People who don't simply lay down and give up when things are difficult.

//That's the big problem nobody talks about enough. The real problem in the world today is misanthropy; this prevailing hatred and disgust with our own species ironically allows the worst issues to flourish because that's simply what we expect. When you don't expect better out of people, things won't get better. Pessimistic nihilism isn't intelligent or cool or mature, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy that breeds laziness and lets the worst things in our world persist.

//The world can be better and that starts when we believe it can be better, and most people believe that. I believe that. I hope I've helped you start to believe that too.

//If you want some more, here are a few that I recommend:

This video by SF Debris: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQHVGqgHD2A

The entire channel Science & Futurism w/ Isaac Arthur: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZFipeZtQM5CKUjx6grh54g

The blogs Reasons For Hope and Hope For The Planet, both great sources for real inspiring news

Good News Network, my most trusted source of information: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/

//Above all, stop worrying about the worst case scenarios. Spend your time learning, creating, sharing and just enjoying life. Some of the best works of literature came out of some of the most tumultuous times in history, and we survived those. We'll survive this one too.

//I really hope all that helps and I hope you have a great day ^^

[puricodraws]

Here's a long post no one asked for, but I gotta get off my chest. Lots of infodumping about Kingdom Hearts and in particular the casting of it's voice talent, so strap in y'all. So something I find very interesting is the way Square/Disney has treated the character of Kairi throughout the years. She started out as a damsel character, and was hated by very vocal group in the fanbase. I myself didn't really care about Kairi any which way, I didn't find her particularly interesting and I could understand the hate for the character like... a little bit? But what's funny to me is how that perception has changed over the years. Maybe there is still a very vocal group of people hating on Kairi on some forum I'm not aware of but I feel like the general consensus on her these days is: That's our girl. We can recognize that she is a victim of bad writing and the damsel trope. She's become a bit of un underdog in my mind. Like, treat her better Square! Come on!

The issue with Kairi is that she's just a... nothing sandwich. Kairi is a sweet girl, she likes Sora, she likes to write and makes good luck charms. She's also secretly a princess and therefore has a pure heart and can do nothing wrong. She is a little bit sassy sometimes, but not too much, she cares about her friends and will jump into danger to protect them, but most of the times she is the one who needs to be protected. She's strong, but not too strong, she's sweet and easygoing, and she's boring as hell. In the games at least... She rules in the manga.

In the game she softly lowers a bottled letter to Sora in the ocean, while in the manga she tosses it in there with all her might.

In the game she sort of runs away when Axel tries to kidnap her but in the manga she THROWS HANDS at one of the nobodies who tries to capture her.

Also later in the story when she is kidnapped by Organization XIII, she actually manages to escape for a bit by wiggling through the bars of her prison cell, and then throws hands at Demyx, who is actually trying to help her out. (the manga takes some liberties with the story, it's great you should really read it if you get the chance)

Shiro Amano actually lets her put up a fight and let her actually try to escape by herself when she's captured. Watching this girl be strong and throw hands without hesitation is so so great. Shiro Amano said: Girls should be allowed to go feral once in a while, as a treat. Also I would be amiss if I didn't mention this moment with Olette:

(In the game, Olette awkwardly and weakly puts up a hand to protect Kairi when Axel shows up in Twilight Town to kidnap her, but is just ignored in the most disrespectful way.)

Anyways, back to Kairi. It's sad to say, but her original characterization is just boring. She doesn't really want anything for herself and she doesn't really have a function in the story except to wait around for the boys to pay attention to her or get kidnapped and need to be rescued. And while in recent years the writers are finally exploring her being a keyblade weilder and having her actively participate in the story, they still just can't resist damseling the poor girl, fridging her, and putting her on the sidelines while Sora and Riku take center stage. It's great to see how the fandom's perception of her has changed over the years, people are seeing how Square has been dropping the ball and are actively rooting for Kairi to get more stuff to do. Fans are creating mods of the games to make Kairi playable, are writing fanfiction exploring role reversals where Kairi is the hero and there are several notible fan comics comics that explore her character in a really interesting way.

Anyways, now to get to the actual thing I wanted to talk about: How she's casted in the English version of the games, and how the inconsistent approach to the casting feels... a little disrespectful. Having a consistent voice for a character is something I, and many others really appreciate. It shows a level of care from the creators to bring a consistent group of actors together to bring life to the world. Now, VA's being replaced in the Kingdom Hearts series is not uncommon. The series is known for casting well known actors, and actor availability and budget are problems for which recasting is the solution. For example: Billy Zane got recast as Ansem by Richard Epcar, Brittany Snow by Meaghan Martin as Namine. And then of course there are Christopher Lee, Wayne Allwine, Leonard Nimoy and Rutger Hauer, who had to be recast because they sadly passed away. (RIP, Kings)

Like, all of that makes sense. So here's the confusing situation with Kairi:

Xion and Kairi share a VA in the JP version. This is an intentional creative decision that ties into the lore of Kingdom Hearts. Risa Uchida has consistently voiced these characters in Japanese for years and does a fabulous job.

Sadly this was not the case in the English version. Hayden Panettiere originated the role of Kairi in English, but they got Alyson Stoner to voice Xion when the character debuted in 358/2 days in 2009, which was originally a DS title. Before this they also got Alyson to voice Kairi in the re:Chain of Memories dub in 2008.

These titles were likely smaller budget, which becomes pretty obvious when you look at the overall quality and presentation of the cutscenes. In Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2 the dialogue was recorded in English and the japanese lipsynch animation were redone to match the English dialogue. This was not the case in 358/2 days. The dialogue was recorded to match the japanese lip flaps, and the animation was not altered at all to marry the two together. So availability and budget could have been an issue in getting Hayden Panettiere to record for these games. At the time I also considered the possibility that Hayden simply didn't want to do it anymore. It wouldn't have suprised me, because these things happen. Take Brittany Snow for example, after KH2 she got her big break in the Pitch Perfect films, and probably became too busy to come back as Namine. From 2006-2010 Hayden starred in the popular TV series Heroes, which could have impacted her availability and desire to do KH. And with the lower budget for these projects, and where Hayden was at in her carreer at the time, it could stand to reason that she was simply not interested. I should also mention that in this time period Kairi barely got anything to do. When she did show up it would be for a couple of lines of dialogue. As for Xion, 358/2 days on the DS had around 10 or so voiced cutscenes. So the amount of voice work needed for the character was notably smaller compared to one of the numbered games. So the amount of voice work needed, budget, and availability could all have been factors to why Alyson took over for Hayden during this time.

Now don't get me wrong: Alyson is amazing and is, as far as I'm concerned, the definitive voice for Xion. She originated the role and brought so much to the table. She has a wonderful voice, is a talented actress and we have no choice but to stan.

Before long it became apparent that Alyson replacing Hayden permanently was not on the table. In 2010 Hayden reprised her role as Kairi and took over the role of Xion in the secret ending of Birth By Sleep!

So at this point it seemed that the original creative intention for these characters would be honored. Kairi and Xion should have the same voice actress, for lore reasons, and that actress should be Hayden Panetiere, who originated the role.

And wouldn't you know it, in 2012 Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance comes out for the 3DS. It's another hand held title, but the budget is lit. There is lipsynch animation for voiced cutscenes, and the amount of voiced cutscenes is comparable to KH1, KH2 and BBS. Kairi has a few appearances, but has only one line of dialogue. Same goes for Xion, while she does get a line of dialogue near the end of the game. Hayden came in to record for Kairi and Xion and it really seemed like she would be taking over the roles from Alyson.

So obviously, at this point in time it's all but confirmed that Hayden wants to work on KH, and the creative team were making an effort to consistently bring her back as Kairi and Xion. That would be a tough deal for Alyson though, was she gonna get replaced permanently as Xion? Well wait a second and I'll tell you!

So in 2013 Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix was released. It was the first in a series of HD remasters of the Kingdom Hearts series, and the collection included KH1, KH re:Chain of Memories and around 3 hours of newly made cutscenes retelling the story of the DS game 358/2 days. Days originally featured mostly textbox cutscenes. These scenes were remade from scratch and would feature newly recorded voice acting in Japanese and English. Now I don't need to get into it but... The 358/2 days cutscene "movie" is.. not very good. It's boring to watch through, which I think is to blame entirely for the way they approached it. They remade all the cutscenes true to their original appearance, but forgot that there's no action gameplay to break up hours of dialogue scenes. The pacing is bad, the action is non existent, and what's worse is that it doesn't have adjusted lipsynch animation at all. This means the English voice acting was done to match the japanese lip flaps, resulting in awkward pauses and weird deliveries of lines.

The saving grace was that Alyson Stoner was reprising her role as Xion, recording new dialogue for the cutscenes. They also reused her previously recorded dialogue for the DS cutscenes as well. So... I guess Hayden isn't taking over Xion after all? Or perhaps it was easier to get Alyson to come back, so that they could reuse some of the original voice lines from the DS version? I can't imagine that THAT would've been the deciding factor though, because there weren't that many cutscenes from the DS version that would have to be redubbed should they get Hayden back on board. It's hard to say what the reason for this was.

But I was happy to hear Alyson as Xion in the "definitive" version of the 358/2 days story. She has a pleasant voice, and she portrays Xion beautifully in my opinion.

So then KH HD 2.5 Remix comes out in 2014 and features no new Kairi/Xion content. It does feature the Final Mix version of KH2, originally released exclusively in Japan in 2007. This version had new cutscenes, which were now finally dubbed in English for the HD remaster. What's more is they they also reanimated the lip animation to match the new English voice acting! An interesting thing to mention is that at this time, Meaghan Martin had completely taken over the role of Namine, fully replacing Brittany Snow. They luckily didn't choose to redub Brittany's original lines with Meaghan. But it does result in this funny moment where following Roxas' prologue Namine's voice is suddenly different for a single scene.

Anyways, flash forward to 2017, and the release of Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Remix, which included a brand new title by the name of, and hold on to your wigs for this one....

Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth By Sleep -A Fragmentary Passage-

This was the first look at what a next gen Kingdom Hearts title would be like. You got to play as Aqua and it was wonderful and heartbreaking and cool as hell. At the end of this game a cutscene plays where after a decade Kairi finally gets to be involved in the plot again. She is summoned by Master Yen Sid to begin her training as a keyblade weilder. And she is voiced by.... Alyson Stoner??

A few years later KH3 came out, and Alyson Stoner voices both Kairi and Xion in it. She does a great job. But it's all so confusing.

It seemed so clear that the studio's intent was to get Hayden back as Kairi, and potentially Xion as well. And KH3 was the next big budget numbered title in the franchise. The casting for this game was insane, they got the full cast of Frozen to reprise their roles. Idina Mcfreaking Menzel showed up for Kingdom Hearts! What happened to getting Hayden back? I don't get it at all. This is not to shit on Alyson at all, her Kairi is adorable, and I honestly can't imagine anybody but Alyson Stoner playing Xion. Whenever Hayden picked up the role of Xion I was excited to hear her, but it never felt quite right.

But yeah, this whole situation unfolded in the weirdest of ways. For years it seemed they were absulutely set on getting Hayden to voice these characters. Was she not available to come in for KH3? Well, to answer that question:

Apparently, Hayden wasn't even ASKED to reprise Kairi.

This could of course be a situation of her representatives getting the offer from Square/Disney and choosing not to give it to her. Which happens in Hollywood, and sucks. But there's also a very real chance that Square/Disney didn't even bother reaching out and offering it to her.

Seeing how they decided to recast Hayner, Pence and Olette in KH3, even though their actors are still working as VA's and would have likely loved reprise the roles, I'm leaning to the possibility that they simply didn't bother to reach out to Hayden.

Hell, that's what she said herself.

All in all it's an interesting series of events. It's confusing, and a bit saddening as well. I can speculate why it all happened, but who can really be sure what their reason for replacing Hayden were. Perhaps they decided to do it because they found Alyson to be a better fit for the character? I may be reading into things but there's this interview Hayden did for the release of KH2 were she talks about the recording process and how the voice directors would keep telling her to "raise her voice an octave higher and make it sound more princess like." I gotta say the way she said that irks me..... I love the way Kairi's voice sounds in KH2! Hayden has a beautiful voice, it's a bit lower and more mature sounding than your average cutie girl voice. I would have loved to hear that quality in the character moving forward. Alyson ended up doing a lighter, cuter version of Kairi in KH3. And I do enjoy how Kairi sounds in KH3. Like, it's fine, she sounds very adorable, and it's fine.

But idk man... it feels... weird. I can't help but feel as though they replaced her voice with a younger sounding one, taking away the strength and maturity of the voice that I loved so much. Effectively infantelizing her. And then of course they proceed to damsel her, fridge her, bring her back to life and put her on the sidelines for the foreseeable future.

I feel like it all ties together with how the writers see her. She's not really a main character after all, she's not a priority. After years of showing a dedication to keep her voice consistent, it was all just thrown out of the window in the end. It makes me feel like they just didn't care in the end, people would be more upset if Sora or Riku got recast, but they just assumed no one would really care about Kairi. I can't help but care though.

I just wish for a future where Kairi can become a main player in the story, and where she is allowed to grow and mature. Where she isn't used as a carrot to dangle in front of the male lead. Where she isn't kidnapped or killed off as motivation for someone else. Where she can be a girl who is not just pretty and adorable and easy going and sweet, but a girl who is strong, silly, determined and is willing to fight like hell for the things she cares about.

Where she is allowed to interact with the world around her, and discover what her place in it is. Where she can discover what she wants for herself, instead of constantly having to be something for someone else!

IDK, maybe that's too much to ask from a Kingdom Hearts game though, haha.