#i'll stop writing tags now
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hazbin hotel is so weird to me.
When I was an edgy, newly queer teenager and the pilot came out, it was literally fucking everything to me. I rewatched it on a near daily basis. I thought every joke landed, that the animation was amazing, and I had a weird sense of pride that a YouTuber could produce something as amazing as a 30 minute, high quality animation.
Then a few years passed as I watched Helluva Boss excitedly every time it came out. I thought it was great, for a while. Then over time, I was semi-conscious of a decline in quality, that finally set in around when season 2 came out. I stopped watching at that point because I was so bored of it, I missed what it could've been, what it used to be.
At that point, I started seeing more information about the actual Hazbin Hotel show coming soon. On it's own it would have been strange, the lack of excitement about what was my entire personality at one point. Then I started seeing how a lot of accounts on here who I respect and look up to talk about the show.
The true scope of the issues with the show really set in at that point. How unoriginal and childish the jokes were. How their was barely an audience anywhere for it because it didn't know what it was trying to be. It was clear to me that something I once idolized is a wreck.
Then, one of my closest friends with media opinions I heavily respect starts watching the show and talking about how great it is. It's hard to describe the level of whiplash I felt. It felt like I was missing something, y'know? Like there was an inside joke I didn't understand, how could anyone like the bad show. It's bad.
I... still haven't watched the show. I don't have means to watch it except pirating and I genuinely don't feel like putting in the effort to pirate it. Honestly, the greater point of this post is just like - how bad I am at forming my own opinions, because I feel a constant need to be with the crowd.
I know that's a problem. It shouldn't matter how people I respect feel about the show, because if I enjoy it and it's not genuinely problematic, then there's nothing wrong with that. So maybe I would like the show. Maybe I'm in the small audience which I've repeatedly seen referred to as dumb, overly edgy, etc. And maybe I don't want to admit that because I'm hoping I'm not in the minority.
Anyway, that's the end of this long post. Have a nice day.
#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#i know the internet will just#keep being the way it is#but do we have to make such sweeping generalizations#about the audience of things#especially if it's not something genuinely problematic#like I know the show is trashy#I sometimes enjoy trashy things#but I can't now#because I'd feel too self-conscious#and hell#maybe it's for the best that I've been persuaded not to watch it#it could be the worst thing I'd ever see#and now I know to avoid it#the world is complex#and I'm far too simple for it#that's probably my problem#i'll stop writing tags now
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no way you dropped the biggest river lore in the tags and moved on like it was nothing 😭 can i ask if this is still your intentions with him? bc it sounds like you changed your mind halfway 🤔
im ngl though i really enjoy how ren and river are similar and different to each other, but does that mean river would hurt his angel but leave our friends alone the same way ren would never hurt his angel but would unalive all of our friends? since they're suppose to be each other opposites. i really hope this makes sense 😬 my final question is what is ren doing on thursday? i want to go on a cute pier date again 🩷🌸
@secretkoa asked: and can i hear more about what unsent memory is suppose to be about or is that off limits? idk if i asked this in my previous question so ignore me if i did! thank yuo and remember to drink lots of water 🐸🌱
⌞♥⌝ For those who haven't seen the original post, I want to quickly clarify once more that while River was originally my OC, he's since been picked up and revamped by my friend Jesse/@unsentmemory!!
However, now that Jesse has stepped away from the yandere community, River's fate (and da fate of Unsent Memories) has kinda been put on the sidelines for the foreseeable future.
‼️ Massive Unsent Memories and River spoilers under the cut ‼️ CW for: mentions of gore, torture, mutilation, self-harm, etc.
With all of that being said, yes, Jesse's original intention for River was for him to be your standard "serial killer-turned-yandere once he accidentally catches feelings for his latest victim (Bunny)". The only main difference is that I originally planned for River to be a generic murderer first, whereas Jesse had him become a yandere right off the bat.
You also asked to know more about Unsent Memories, and I think giving a general synopsis(?) would be fine?? ^^ But basically... After getting involved in a car accident, Bunny wakes up with amnesia and gets tricked into thinking that this random guy — whom they've never met before — is their loving, supportive boyfriend named River. In turn, he convinces Bunny that staying in their shared home would be more beneficial than staying in the hospital as it might rekindle some old memories, he'd be able to take care of them, and it would be easier for them to recover at their own pace. But surprise!! River is actually a frequent patron at the Murderer Motel™ and now has trapped Bunny in his Torture Basement®!!! <3 He also maaaay or may not've been the one who hit them with Ren's car as well... ^^ Oopsie daisy hehe
And yeah!! Similar to what you've said, River was also supposed to share (somewhat of) a narrative foil with Ren!! I personally wanted them both to have similar, complimenting vibes with each other — all while having completely different/separate motives and incentives when it comes to the object of their affection. I'm glad to see it was conveyed well enough; even after Jesse's additions to River's characterisation :3 I know I already shared some examples in the previous tags, but I can share a few more:
Where Ren puts Angel's feelings and opinions above his own, River purposefully ignores Bunny's and does everything for his own personal benefit. Essentially, "I'm doing this for you" vs "I'm doing this for me".
While Ren would never dream about harming Angel in any capacity, he's perfectly happy to kidnap, extort, torture, and kill everyone else... In contrast to River, who's accustomed to torturing and brutalising others for his own twisted enjoyment and sees it as a way to show his interest in Bunny.
Kinda silly how Ren claims to be a freelance programmer (but is actually a hacker) and how River claims to work at a music shop (it's a coverup for his second torture chamber lmaoooo).
[CW: implications of SH] Ren is willing to go as far as mentally and physically hurting himself if Angel asks him to, whereas River is willing to physically mutilate Bunny if it means keeping them by his side. [end CW]
With that being said, you can assume that Ren is easily swayed by Angel's words, opinions, and emotions, whereas River can easily sway and manipulate Bunny due to his own feelings and emotions.
This is something I've actually mentioned before, but Ren always prefers things to be tidy, so he often cleans himself up after disposing of his victims. Compared to River, who casually wears the bloodstains with pride and blames it on getting a bit rough with someone else during a boxing match.
It's no secret that Ren is willing to change every aspect of himself to earn Angel's love, and River is willing to change his serial killer ways to return Bunny's love. Da power of friendship and repressed childhood memories gksdgjh T_T /silly
Ren pretends to be a Normal Guy© with tons of empathy to spare, whereas River pretends to be a Regular Person℗ with the heart of a himbo.
I could go on but you get da point lol
So, yeah!! This is essentially the vibes we had planned for River (and Unsent Memories) before Jesse stepped down /pos ^^ I feel like talking vaguely about UM is fine since River only has a small cameo in 14DWY — and I'm sure that if Jesse ever returns from war (/silly), they'll give River muuuuch more justice than I possibly can :3c
#Hopefully me yapping in this post will suffice for all the yammering I did in the other posts' tags lmaooooo#Ren: is that guy bothering you? I'll kill him >:(#River: someone is bothering you? more than me? what the fuck#Anyways!! Lords and gentlewomen..... I give you......#River ''you made me catch feelings as a child and I don't do feelings so I'm gonna hit you with a car'' Acosta 👏👏👏 /silly#There are direct parallels between 2017!Ren and River too if you squint#Also would this be 2024!River now?? Since UM is kinda homeless rn? /silly gshjgjs I just made myself sad T_T#Also; yeag... I agree that I could've worded my original tags better because it DOES seem like we changed our minds hjdgjsk#However my original intention [within da tags] was to talk about what River's characterisation would've been BEFORE Jesse stepped down#i.e. me yapping about what you could've expected from Unsent Memories since the game's fate is kinda.... ambiguous now ^^; /nm#But again; I don't want to force Jesse to come back to da yan community and write for a game they no longer have an interest in#It's not the end of the world if 14DWY doesn't get its sequel; and it's not like I'm going to stop working on its prequel either /gen#me: guys there's another yandere in 14DWY!!!#everyone else: omg it's Leon!!!#me: ......yeah... definitely... 😼#.......I yearn to :evilhehe:#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#💖 — about ren.#🌊 — about river.#secretkoa#Very brief mentions of:#cw torture#cw self harm#cw gore
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grian gets saved by hotguy and then pines over him <3
so this "au" (if you can even call it that when it exists exclusively in my brain and now in this ask) is mostly crack and comes from me joking around a couple days ago with some friends so...don't take it too seriously. that being said...
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you have (3) new comments! view now?
click.
areeongreenday: hey! so this is insane.
click.
h0tguysnumber0n3fan: i guess i kind of understand where you're coming from with this - scar goodman and hotguy do share a similar sense of humor, and i sort of see what you're saying at 47:03 when you compared their voices (more specifically, the inflection they use on specific words) but...i guess i'm having a hard time imagining scar as a superhero. don't get me wrong - he's plenty cool, but...didn't he say that he's a full-time content creator now? i don't know that he'd really have the time to record, edit, and post videos on top of saving the city on a near-daily basis. interesting theory, though! admire the dedication.
click.
scargoodman: ;)
and there it was, taunting him - that damn winky face, yet again, commented nearly instantaneously each time grian uploaded a new video about the man itself. scar goodman - known to many as the man who had risen to sudden fame in the video essayist community with his charming good looks and boisterous personality. scar goodman, whom grian suspected was secretly none other than the city's beloved superhero. after all, they'd both made their debuts within a week of each other and shared not only a similar path of success but a similar sense of humor, a similar speaking style, a similar body type, a similar laugh...sure, there were things that didn't quite line up, but...for the most part, they appeared to be the exact same person.
okay - maybe grian was a little obsessed. but what was he supposed to do, not point out the obvious?
what made matters worse was that nobody seemed to believe him. no matter how many videos he posted, no matter how much proof he gave...nobody was willing to hear him out.
nobody except scar goodman himself, who seemed intent to drive him absolutely insane.
grian grumbled something to himself, pocketing his phone and continuing down the long, narrow sidewalk to his apartment complex. he'd lost track of time at work yet again, and as a result, the sun had long set. this wasn't unusual for him - he often opted to remain late in the office to "finish up a few things" (ie take advantage of the functional wifi his workplace offered instead of trying to upload videos on his crummy home network), so he was...fairly comfortable tracing the path back to his apartment in the dark of night. the street lights in this part of town didn't work exceptionally well, but with the familiarity of it all and the dull light of the moon, grian typically fared well enough.
tonight, however...well, call him paranoid, but...something felt...off. something about the way all the buildings around him were dark, indicating that their inhabitants were either asleep or out (and entirely unreachable if grian were to call for help). something about the absence of the various stray cats that he often crossed paths with. something about how the complete and utter silence made his ears ring.
"aw, what's this? a cute guy? well, pretty boy, you've just entered the wrong part of town at the wrong time. unfortunately, loose lips sink ships, or...uh...however the saying goes, so...sorry, i can't let you leave this visit alive."
before grian could even register the words being spoken (where were they even coming from?? above him? below him? behind him? everywhere, all at once?), he felt hands gripping the back of his shirt. in another moment, he was on the ground, his breath clawing its way out of his chest. above him stood a figure, shrouded in darkness and the billowing, starry cape draped across their shoulders. in their hands was something glinting, something sharp, something deadly -- something that grian's frazzled, spinning mind was unable to put a name to. or maybe it refused to - refused to name the tool that would be his doom. maybe it was better that way, he mused idly, as the figure raised it high above their head. maybe it was best to not know.
"hey! there you are - what did i say about running off?"
and just as quickly as he'd accepted his death, the threat of it was gone, vanquished by the appearance of the tall, costumed man on the rooftop adjacent. grian felt his breath return to his chest in one fell swoop, filling his lungs and sending a wave of sensitivity to his throat. he coughed, hard, tears welling helplessly in his eyes, and the newcomer's attention snapped to him in an instant.
"oh - and you've made a friend! how nice. unfortunately, there are no plus ones in prison."
"hotguy," grian's would-be murderer snarled. "i thought i'd lost you."
"nah. i may have gotten lost, sure. but you didn't lose me. there's a difference."
"you'll wish that i'd lost you when i'm through with you."
"oh, that was lame!" the man cried, hopping over the low rooftop wall and landing neatly on the ground below (how he did it, even grian wasn't sure. by all intents and purposes, his legs shouldn't have that level of shock absorption, even if he had been fed some chemical cocktail by a mad scientist at a young age as he boasted). "listen - we've got to get you a better catchphrase."
hotguy strode forward, his eyes glinting behind his tinted visor. he glanced to grian out of the corner of his eye, then back to the villain - then back to grian again, his mouth going slack in surprise. grian met his gaze - took in his appearance - and let out a bark of laughter, one not missed by either scar goodman or the cloaked figure in front of him. scar returned his laughter, throwing his head back and planting his hands firmly on his hips.
"well, what a coincidence," he giggled, after a moment. "my new catchphrase just so happens to be "subscribe to my youtube channel."
"what?" their third demanded, glancing between the two. "what are you talking about?"
"oh my god. there's no way. there's no way. how - how am i the only one who knows? how am i the only one who suspects?? it's obvious - it's so obvious."
"what's obvious?"
"i know, right? i make it as obvious as possible, and still...still, nobody puts two and two together. well...nobody except for you, apparently. i guess that you're just...special."
"why don't you just come out and say it?" grian mused, propping himself up on his elbows and ignoring the sputtering from their newly acquired third wheel. "i feel like if you said it - either as scar goodman or hotguy - people would have to believe it, no?"
a strange look came over hotguy's face, but it vanished as quickly as it had arrived.
"ah...i don't think that would change anything. plus, i have this thing with this cute guy where he tries to tell everyone my identity and i egg him on to get him to make more silly videos. i would hate to give that up."
he winked, and grian felt warmth climb his cheeks. gone was the fear, gone was the panic, gone was the darkness and the creeping, crawling sense of unease - instead, there was only curiosity, burning brightly in his chest. he wanted to talk to scar - hotguy - for hours, wanted to pull the object of his obsession apart to see what made him tick, then put him back together again, just to see what would happen. he wanted to get to know who hotguy was underneath the suit - and who scar goodman was with the suit. he'd wanted (he'd wanted for so long) and it felt like maybe...just maybe...he'd get to have.
"hey! what the hell is going on?"
"oh, right," hotguy chuckled, turning his attention to the third member of their party. "sorry - didn't mean to ignore you. here - sit tight, for real this time. the police will be here soon."
"dude, i'm just going to leave again. do you really not have handcuffs or something?"
"who needs handcuffs when you have a cub to design fancy gadgets for you?"
"a...a what?" the figure asked, then yelped, startled, as something exploded out of the cuff on hotguy's wrist. a net, affixing itself neatly to their body, wrapping them up in a cocoon of their own folly. grian stared at it, humming in approval.
"nice."
"thank you! it's new."
"i know."
"i bet you do," scar responded, and grian flushed further at the teasing edge his tone took on. "i bet you know almost everything about me, at this point. obsessed, much?"
"i could say the same," grian huffed back, pulling himself to his feet and brushing off his jeans (there was a rip in one leg, now, he noticed with a frown). "you recognized me, like, immediately. it's pretty dark out, too - sounds like you're the one obsessed."
"what can i say - you're pretty and smart. i happen to like my men pretty and smart."
grian sputtered incoherently in response, all confidence gone out the window. oh god - he was even more charismatic in person, even in costume. and god, was the costume more attractive in person, as well - baggy cargo pants and a tight, fitted top that exposed his tanned midriff. not the most tactical, sure - but damn was it hot.
"you can't say that," he moaned, covering his reddened cheeks with his hands. "oh my god. i hate you. i've known you for five minutes and i already hate you."
"sure you do," scar responded, grinning. "i - oh, hold on."
he raised his hand and tapped the earpiece affixed to the side of his head, concentrating. after a moment, he sighed - and for just a second, grian thought that his shoulders drooped in exhaustion. as quickly as they sagged, however, scar was straightening, turning back to grian with an easy smile.
"sorry, handsome, duty calls. are you alright to get back home on your own? i doubt this guy will be giving you any more trouble. those nets are pretty sturdy."
"wait!" grian sputtered, his heart hammering painfully in his chest (no, no, he couldn't let scar slip through his fingers, not now, not when he was finally so close). "don't go - i...can i see you again?"
scar's smile wobbled around the edges, and any panic grian felt was replaced with guilty - heavy and suffocating (though he wasn't sure why)
"ah...isn't it more fun, this way? don't you like the chase? isn't that exhilaration enough for your pretty little head?"
"i mean...it's a fun hobby, yeah, but -,"
"then we'll stick to the status quo. after all, i'd hate to rob you of your favorite hobby. goodnight, grian. can't wait for your next video."
and with a wink, he was gone, disappearing back into the shadows so quickly grian could have sworn he was made of them. and grian...well. he had an apartment to get home to, a cat to feed...and a chase to continue. and maybe, someday, if he was fast enough...he'd catch up.
#oooooooooh no. oooooooh my god. guys i know i said this was a crack au and not that deep but i fear i've infected myself with the brainworms#i got an Idea. i got an Idea and now i can't stop thinking about it#alternatively: mom says it's MY turn for a scarian superhero au#anyway. maybe more of this to come. i'll come back and tag this au properly when i figure out what to call it#feel free to Ask Me Things regarding this if you are interested and want to Force me to think more about it#grian#goodtimeswithscar#scarian#hermitshipping#plant answers#plant writes#i'm back the tenative title for this au is unmasked#unmasked au
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Earlier this year, a new blog was started here on Tumblr with the aim and intention of harassing a group of fans in the GO fandom. I previously made a post addressing this, as I was the initial target of this blog (whose original handle was a dupe of my own Tumblr handle).
I had hoped not to have a reason to revisit this particular subject, but given recent disturbing comments made by both this blog and its followers, and a post written by @nightgoodomens describing the situation from their perspective, I feel compelled to make a post of my own, to talk about what I have experienced and continue to experience at the hands of these individuals.
By now, some of you may be familiar with the blog in question. In my prior post, I did not mention this blog's name publicly, and I have no intention of doing so at this time, either. Yet I think it's important to be clear about what this blog's specific intentions were, which were made evident by its original creator on Twitter at the end of May:
It was only a few days after writing this tweet that the author did exactly this, and created this main blog. I feel that this has somehow become obscured over time, as given the negative response that this blog's initial posts engendered, the original creator apparently retired from the blog and gave the reins to someone else, and the blog's focus soon pivoted to defending Georgia and Anna. Prior to this, however, the blog began publishing Anons attacking me, including one that seemed to be threatening to doxx me:
What particularly perplexed me was seeing a gradual distortion of my own words and writing here on Tumblr, as well as people buying into it so readily. I also noticed one particular blog that became friendly with this main blog--they've changed handles a number of times, but at the time they were known as michaelsheendaily (then michaelsheensource, then thesheenantbergs). For months prior, they talked specifically about how awful the things I/others were saying about Georgia and Anna, and then seemingly joined forces with this main blog.
…Yet one year ago this very month, that same person (michaelsheendaily/thesheenantbergs) felt similarly to many of us and had sent me an Ask wanting to know if I thought Anna was being abusive to Michael. This Ask was sent from their (at the time, now deleted) main blog, but they helpfully DMed me from michaelsheendaily to make sure I had seen their question:
I answered this question (as I try to do with every Ask/Anon I get) straightforwardly and honestly, and firmly said "No" in response, as well as how serious it is to accuse someone of abuse, and that it is not up to any of us to try and break up a relationship, as Michael has people he can turn to if he needs to do so. I have also previously defended Georgia on my blog (and provided rationales and examples for why my perspective has gradually shifted over time), but it seems that the people harassing me have conveniently chosen to ignore all of this/have never looked at my blog beyond a cursory glance.
As this main blog continued its posting, and despite having Anons turned off, I began to receive a number of hateful Asks, which culminated with another blog suddenly coming into being about a month after these initial incidents. This blog claimed to be Michael Sheen (using a handle of his from Facebook), and published this despicably homophobic and noticeably un-Michael-like post:
The aforementioned main blog immediately drew attention to this post, and claimed that they had "proof" of this being the real Michael:
It soon became apparent that this blog was a fake, and despite its prior insistence that it could possibly be him, the main blog backtracked quickly as more people pointed out how obviously this was not Michael. Yet even the notion that someone would think this was acceptable--to pretend to be Michael, to (poorly) attempt an approximation of his writing style, all for the sake of attacking one person, and despite the fact that we know Michael already has a Tumblr that he hasn’t posted on in years--is just absurd beyond words.
But clearly this ill-conceived post inspired others, as only a week after this post appeared (and subsequently disappeared, along with the blog itself), I received an Ask from yet another recently-created blog of someone claiming to know Michael personally, saying that he would "destroy" me:
Which brings me to the present day, and how these themes have presented themselves yet again, in an even more unpleasant fashion.
Over the last four months, this main blog and its followers have continued to obsessively read my blog (despite how very easy it would be to simply block me) and screenshotted my posts in order to add their own vile commentary. I have not wanted to draw attention to any of this, but one particular instance has now made me change my mind.
I've recently talked on my blog about my upcoming trip to London, where I will be seeing David in Macbeth. A few days ago, it was brought to my attention that the main blog screenshotted one of my posts--which was a reblog of a video of David with Jodie Whittaker--along with my tags talking about the way David was sitting. One of the blog's followers commented this in response, and subsequently received a reply from the OP:
The "daggers" commenter currently runs several blogs dedicated to worshiping/defending Georgia and Anna (at least one of which is run in tandem with the original creator of the main blog). Numerous accusations have been levied at me and others from these blogs, one of the most outrageous of which is homophobia...yet this is their response to me simply saying David might not be 100% straight, and which eerily echoes the tone of the post from "Michael" three months ago. And while there are a lot of things about the last few months that have rankled me, nothing does so more than the hypocrisy I have witnessed, such as this.
The thing is, though, that when I saw these comments, all I could honestly think of was how sad I felt.
Because here I am, just days away from going on my trip--a trip I have been so anxiously awaiting, that is my first non-work trip in a very, very long time--and now the thought of, "Could someone try to attack me?" has crossed my mind. Yet my sadness is less for myself and more for the person who thinks it is acceptable to wish or even encourage violence against another human being. My sadness is that this person feels so unsafe or discontent in their own life--a feeling I know all too well--that their chosen course of action is to make someone else feel unsafe. To assuage their own sense of powerlessness by going after someone they perceive as having power.
My sadness is at these people being so sure that the celebrities they are a fan of would agree with them, yet needing/wanting those people to act in a way that aligns with who they want Michael and David to be, rather than who they actually are. I know that the Michael and David I became a fan of are two of the kindest, most intelligent, warmest men you could imagine, and that there is no part of me that wants or needs them to scream at or dislike the same people I do for the sake of my own self-serving purposes.
To that end, I have also been distressed by the apparent frenzy that was recently generated in the form of a "rallying cry" against myself and others in this group of fans facing ongoing harassment. But what I've tended to see as a response to said frenzy is some variation of, "People are saying these terrible things. I haven't actually seen any of these posts/comments, but it must be terrible, so I'll block this person/people." I am no stranger to fandom chatter/gossip, but every time I hear something, my first impulse is always to find the receipts. To learn more information what is being claimed so that I can make up my own mind. And that is the very same ethos I have espoused on my blog for years, because I would much rather people think for themselves than "fall in line" because they are being told to do so/threatened with being "cancelled" if they don't.
So if you want to find out something about my opinions or takes, it is all here on my blog. Everything going back five years since I joined the GO fandom, tagged and catalogued. I have not privated anything or deleted anything, nor do I have multiple blogs or side blogs--just this one. And if after reading what I actually have to say you still want to block me, you are certainly welcome to do so. I would just much rather you block me because of the truth, not because of someone else's personal vendetta and agenda.
To say that dealing with all of this for months on end has been surreal and stressful is a profound understatement. Especially because I have never once engaged with this blog, never replied to any posts of theirs, nor sent them an Anon or made threats of any kind (despite receiving numerous threats myself). Nor have I replied to the multiple incendiary Asks and DMs I have repeatedly received from the blog's original creator.
Again, I have not wanted to draw any further attention to these people, but the staggering awfulness of the most recent comments finally made me feel that enough is enough. I truly shudder to think what the response would be if someone made a similarly threatening comment toward these individuals...yet it's somehow completely fine to say these things about me. To make me and others into the "villain" that you need us to be to justify saying these heinous things in the first place. And while these individuals and anyone else are free to dislike me and to express their dislike in a public forum to their heart's content, that freedom of expression ends where my right to not feel that my personal safety is in jeopardy begins. A line that should never have been crossed has been crossed, and we as a fandom and as human beings are much the worse off for it.
No one should ever have to feel this way. Not even these people. And by talking about all of this and bringing these incidents into the light, my hope is that no one else ever will.
#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#fandom woes#i can't even with this nonsense#the events of the last few months have just been unreal#especially because i've always talked about seeing our faves as human beings#and giving that grace even to those i dislike#but i guess it's easier to dehumanize me instead#felt good to write all this out though#but i am saddened that my trip has been somewhat tainted by all of this#still hoping to have a wonderful time and do many good things#i'll stop tagging now#long post is long#thoughts#discourse
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Struggled with today's art but I have to draw Scar Daily or I implode basically- also Ren for @pup-pee because I have to practice drawing him and Martyn after all-
Also I think Non-dog hybrid Ren is cursed but like it's what we're working with here we're balling-
#WAaDW AU :>#fanart#scarian#desert duo#hermitshipping#trafficshipping#rendog#renthedog#<- I don't even feel like I should be using this tag cause he isn't a dog at this point LIKE SKVNDFd#also implied Treebark but you wouldn't know unless I explicitly said it from the images alone so yeah#something something Ren's Red Glasses are actually prescription because I refuse to draw that man without them#trafficblr#traffic smp#traffic series#traffic life#life series#life smp#life series smp#Madi's art :>#I have so much info on this AU guys it's not even funny but I won't start writing it til next year CAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING I NEED TO EDIT AN#POST BEFORE I START TRYING TO WRITE A MULTI-CHAPTER STORY THANKS#I'm shaking my AU so fast and the only people that know shit about it are Ru and Jay and I'm soooooo I wanna spill everything BUT CAN'T AAA#my curse as an artist is to draw the scenes in my head that I have planned for my story and just DIE IG#Maybe if I actually like write the chapter the first two doodles is from I'll clean up that drawing okay okay okay#OKAY I'M GONNA STOP RAMBLING NOW BECAUSE AT THIS POINT I'LL JUST SPILL ALL MY SECRETS AAAAAAAAAAAAA#AH SHIT I FORGOT THE OTHER TAGS#goodtimeswithscar#grian#gtws fanart#grian fanart
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First and Last Sentences, Fic Prompt
"For you, I would take actions unbeknownst to me, and have realizations of which were once thought of as inconceivable."
"Your love is a key that unlocks all doors."
#jayvik#hehehe#fanfic inspiration#otp ideas#fanfic prompts#fanfic things#otp prompt#tag your otp#otp things#fanfic inspo#fanfic#fanfic ideas#I CAN HEAR IT IN THEIR VOICES#this was not originally written for them I was making a poem for my boyfriend and I couldn't stop making it sound like#cray#u hear?#so I full leaned into it so at least someone could enjoy it#ahhh now back to writing#I'll add more of these here and there#ill also have more on my kofi hehe
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L'APPEL DU VIDE
okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.
this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.
combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.
jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.
to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:
J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant
anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.
#original tag#generic medieval tag#WAHOO. alright.#i dont have any additional commentary in the tags. reading the drowned giant years ago Did Something To Me#and it connected with whatever it was that made me dislike the jack and the beanstalk narrative (i know what it is. its just not really#all that relevant to this post. also im tired. its time for bed)#through the power of Why Not. i will now. turn it into a story????#i think. its definitely been taking up a lot of space in my mind lately#the only thing stopping me from turning it into my Side Project to do when i need a break from doing Bad Governance edits#is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand#eventually i'll get to daiso and pick up some new ones and work on this for real. until then. im going to continue to write about it#in my personal journal where i dump all my thoughts and ideas into
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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)
horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)
#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force#ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale#just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3#PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD#mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions#she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want#but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust#(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him#its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i#after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were#LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill#itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but#just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3#i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN#ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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I'm personally blaming @starbiology and everyone who has reblogged or commented the other piece for this.
Bonus comic featuring my grundo:
#every minute i keep working on this i take psychological damage#neotag#neopets#vin memes#you'reall to blame for this monstruosity#i literally just searched “babygirl” pose and went “I... i can do that”#i didn't stop to think if i should though#Star i was gonna respond 2 the reblog with the first image only but decided it needed its own post for quarantining this... thing#again if youre seeing this with no context#you dont need context#i... i don't think there's any for that matter#just picture me writing all this tags while losing health in posion damage every turn#i am working on neo oc images i just need to render them but i.... i needed the world to see this before#my blog's already tainted anyway LMFAOO#yeah uh im dead in neo canon i drew this and inmediately got taken back by yours trully and never came back#also i'll try making a ref as well for my sona so i can draw them more im just really indecisive in what color to make him#split it is for now#i don't want to look at this anymore end me#i am making more drawings to kinda cover this thing from the light but at this point it just keeps reappearing like a mold#thats it im done see u all in kreludorian therapy#kreludorian health insurance in a farse
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Ok for some reason my brain is hyper focusing on Johnlock again like I won't regret it 2-3 business days from now when I come out of it with 5 new open AO3 tabs (out of my already 156 open AO3 tabs not counting other unfinished/unread fic/fic I've not caught up on, full disclosure) for fic that I probably won't finish reading and/or while being unable to find the. Very Specific. fic I want to read and just having like an open half-filtered tab... But Anyway.
Here's a Very Rare Johnlock Post from me lol
Imagine after all the seasons are over and Johnlock are old and have finally talked about their feelings and properly, actually, gotten officially together
(and subsequently gotten married in like 2 months cause Sherlock filled out the paperwork while John was not actually at home and then actually having a discussion about it when John finds out it happened cause Sherlock casually mentions it and actually agrees after Sherlock mentions (read: steamrolls over him, anxiously) them practically already being married by common law and just officialising it for the tax benefits... they only have a proper wedding, maybe on their/an anniversary when Mrs Hudson finds out probably 6 months later or sth and complains,, but I've gone on a tangent again)
Anyway Rosie is a teenager, with after-school activities and a phone.
I'm just imagining Sherlock dragging John out on a murder case (read: date) and deciding to feed him midway through (like always, tbh,, sth sth that post about feeding the depressed man that tends to forget to eat but I digress)
So Rosie gets a text and a voicemail from the two of them (cause Sherlock prefers to text and tell me John is not the sort to leave voicemails, like he would have put it on the voicemail machine if they had one he's so old man sometimes)
And it goes something like:
[Text from Papa]
Ragù Bolognese, Angelo's, 7pm. Hugs. -SH
[Voicemail from Dad]
"Hi honey, it's Dad.
Sorry we won't be able to make it to dinner with you, your father's got a case and you know how he gets...
Anyway, Mrs Hudson is going out tonight remember, so your Papa is booking the usual table at Angelo's for you... You still like the Spaghetti Bolognese right?
Don't worry about us, we'll eat before we get home. And the reservation is at 7, so don't be late. This will probably take a while so don't wait up either and go straight to bed young lady, you hear me?
Anyway I've got to go, loveyoubye."
Anyway I think it would be very cute, like they love and care about her, even if they're old men who laugh at crime scenes and whose ideal date is trying to catch a murderer together, and they show it by taking a moment to make sure she's fed with her favorite food even when they're busy solving crime, so yeah.
#i know sherlock is not the type to message “hugs” and stuff that often but i feel like he would do it for Rosie#cause he's enamored like look at the way he looked at hee in the show#that's his baby#and john somehow manages to be the worried mother and the stern father in one conversation#he has a lot of practice tbf#i think i used anyway too much sorry#i also kept going on tangents i might need an adhd diagnosis my brain is so scattered sometimes but i think it's also hereditary#ANYWAY I'M OVER SHARING#shut up wonder omg they don't need to know everything lol#anyway (sorry so many anyways) i hope you liked this. it will probably never happen again#I'll stop writing random tags now#johnlock#sherlock holmes#bbc sherlock#john watson#bbc john watson#bbc johnlock#rosie watson#post season 3#teenage rosie watson#Angelo's mentioned#texts#voicemail#gave up on formatting btw
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when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure
#like I feel like it's conviction. but also when I analyze it... I'm not doing anything sexual??? the stories I'm writing are#ENTIRELY platonic#it's like. found family feels.#but then why do I feel so guilty/convicted over it and feel better/less guilty when I stop writing anything feelsy#like... I guess I'm only allowed to write plot and can't ever write hugs and hurt/comfort anymore#my mom keeps saying I should journal all this instead of venting it at everybody and honestly maybe she's right#idk how to handle this but also I feel like if I just find a holding pattern where I can strike a healthy balance of lile#like* what is correct and healthy for me to enjoy#then the anxiety over it might pass? I don't want to avoid conviction though but like. why am I convicted over#writing a story where someone who's been treated like a monster finds a family who loves them#like.. is it because I'm seeking out whatever that feeling in my lower belly/groin is????#but that's like... so tied up in enjoyment and hurt/comfort to me that idk if I'm ACTUALLY looking for that#or if this is just what I write#and idk if that even is sinful in any way at all!!!#and why can't I just get over this? like I keep going in circles with it and it's so frustrating#idk this is totally tmi I just got hit with this awful feeling after work today and the only thing I can pinpoint it to#is this specific thing I've been writing. but even though yeah I've been getting feelsy with it... it's PLATONIC#ENTIRELY COMPLETELY NONSEXUAL. so like... is it that pleasure feeling that's the thing I'm being convicted over??#probably. bc that's the only thing that eases the feeling of conviction/anxiety/guilt#and also probably no one is reading all these tags lol sorry guys I'll go away now
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Might as well have the salt before the sweet; so here is Rin's Finished Timeline!
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @greenecreek @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @d-esmond @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol
#personal*#jess talks#oc: rin kyutoku#my writing#mha oc#bnha oc#anime oc#the finally concluded and updated timeline for my bad girl!!#have had a few moments though up since i first added her bio to her page#so theres some new sections as well as the final ones#i love redemption arcs#but i also love people never losing their personalities#so shes redeemed - somewhat#because listen listen listen#if none of the league experienced their awful childhoods: theyd all be good guys#thats the WHOLE POINT#i do have a happy au for rin and dabi#where they grew up happy and fell in love at ua#so maybe one day i'll write that out#but for now have the canon#i was gonna decide what happened to her mum... but maybe therell be an epilogue of how she kills her to save society *side eye*#and yes dabi (in canon) regrets what he did and cried about it#so him and rin being soft in the end isnt out of character#anyway ill stop explaining myself#i do hope yall enjoy it!!#lemme know what you think in the replies/tags!
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In the spirit of growing out of ways this site is weird about psychotic people that are seemingly innocuous but still undeniably ableist if you think about it for 10 seconds, can we leave "and is X in the room with us right now" in 2024 too
#happy new year. did you guys know the time loop post was inspired by just the straight up real fear this would happen#i did think ''this would be a cool story'' and then write and post it but i also have personal experience#with why posts like that need to be tagged ''time loop tw'' in the first place#anyway 2025 new year resolution stop finding the nichest most ridiculous things to have imposter syndrome over#i'll start now. i am psychotic and on the schizospec#personal
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[TUVOKTOBER: Day 15] At First Sight. [Patreon | Commissions]
#tuvoktober#excerpt from the novel 'pathways'#tuvok/t'pel#Tuvok#st voyager#st voyager fanart#T'Pel#hey [vibrating from thinking about Tuvok - Vulcan Love & Gender Identity & Sexuality too much] -extends hand- chew through drywall with me#comix page#something about how Tuvok's identity is half T'Pel and has been for decades he's spent DECADES growing with half of him being a person#he's not just deeply in love with but literally IS. He literally literally /IS/ part of T'Pel and his children literally ARE a part of him#the SECOND he sees T'Pel Tuvok says 'Being with her isn't enough I need to BE her. NOW.'#that novel had barely anything about T'Pel in it but I'll forgive them bc what they did have (basically just this) ??? showstopping.#thinks about Tuvok alone on Voyager thinks about the unique and alien suffering#[shuddering breath...]ahgh...[cough]....h ey Tuvok!!! What're your PRONOUNS-#Guy who misses his wife who is also him#gu ys....[sobbing openly] g uys...he's INCOMPLETE without them.....#are you picking up what I'm putting down???#-chokes star trek writers- stop having straight people write alien romance. let insane gay people like me have a turn pleasepleaseplease#bea art tag#[switches out of angst mode for a second] also its SO fucking funny that in this novel's canon Tuvok didn't know about the pon farr until#it happened to him. he literally had NO idea what was going on. His parents didn't tell him. Why?? Don't believe in sexEd???#it really made me laugh. conservative coded...#drawing elaborate Vulcan head....things? headresses? is fun <3#suggestive cw
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i hope yall can forgive me but i just need to be sappy for a minute
2024 for has been a really, really difficult year for me personally. tbh, the reason i started watching bls was because i desperately needed an escape from reality and romances always do that for me regardless of format. (and like tbh how was i supposed to resist a live action omegaverse show be so fr) and tbh it was only supposed to be one or two but i really ended up liking them and then i found not me which led me to finding the eclipse bc of first and then there was never any going back.
i contemplated coming this blog for a while before i actually did. i knew my old fandom was dead and i knew i wasn't going to be actually interacting with anyone much bc i was watching shows that were a year old minimum and no one would really be talking abt them anymore. plus i thought i was too old to be in a fandom if im honest. but i ended up doing it anyway partially bc i just had too much shit to say about the untamed and the eclipse and i needed somewhere to say it, but mostly bc i really just needed somewhere to be normal. like everywhere else in my life i felt like i needed to be On all the time or walking on eggshells and i just needed somewhere where i could just be, yknow? where i could just be lauren and have fun and not worry about how it might be perceived or how im supposed to be acting, even if i was just talking to myself
anyway sad as it might sound coming back here has probably been the highlight of my year. actually no watching the eclipse for the first time was probably the highlight of my year but this is a close second. especially since the heart killers has started airing. tbh i was genuinely having fun talking to myself in the tags but interacting with people and having people interacting with me and being able to over analyse this show like i used to and reading other people's analysis posts and tags has been so much fun and reminded me how much fun being an active part of a fandom can be, and for that i am so grateful.
i know this may seem like such a silly post to make esp considering this blog is tiny and only a handful of people actually interact with me but i need yall to know that the little interactions have honestly meant the world to me over these past few months. like you guys cant possibly know how nice it feels not only to have this space to just exist without having to think about all the other stuff going on in my life, but to have people actually respond? like my posts? leave nice tags? idk i just think i needed that. like dramatic as it sounds it was kinda like ok you do still exist. you're still here. we haven't lost you yet.
anyway the point of this post was to just say thank you for giving me this little bubble and for making me laugh and for being so kind and funny and talented and being a light in the world. because you are. every one of you. and that i love you. even if we've never spoken or interacted with each others posts, i love you. and i want to say that i'm proud of you all. from the bottom of my heart. i know it's hard out here. i know when i suffer i don't suffer alone. i know many of you have your own problems you're likely running away from here just like i am. and so i wanted you to know that i love you and i'm proud of you even if all you manage is to wake up in the morning. i'm proud of you all for getting through it even when it's hard and you feel aimless and pointless and don't know what to do. i know i'm just some random person on the internet, but if i can type words that make you smile and you can type words that make me smile, isn't that enough? to know that we both have so much value here despite how it feels sometimes?
so i pray that whatever has been difficult and heavy this past year can be left in 2024, and that 2025 will be kinder to all of us. i hope that we all find the strength to get through what we can't leave behind yet. and above all, i hope you're safe, and i hope you keep finding happiness where it is, which is often not some far off place but right here and right now.
lots of love, auntie lauren xoxo
#if you're reading this im your auntie now no take backs#and yes mightve cried a tiny bit writing this but im due on so it doesn't even count fr#anyway i know i sound a lil intense but i truly believe in acknowledging when youre grateful and i really am grateful for yall#all of u! i was gonna tag a few ppl but i didn't wanna make it weird but <3 you know#and i know this is cryptic im sorry i just dont wanna go into details bc like i said this is the place i go to get away from all of that#maybe i'll talk about it eventually but not now#and anyway it's new years! 2024 is almost over! we should be celebrating! bangtan year is upon us! we made it bitch!#i acc cant believe it. 2025. scifi ass year#anyway posting this now before i start drinking and stop making sense ily 💞
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You know when you have a fanfic idea, have it all nice and plotted out and everything, but haven't written it yet, yet specific scenes are stuck in your brain already? Yeah that's me. and my artist curse is that I had to draw the scene or I was gonna implode! So you guys get zero context except this is for my wedding planner au-
#WAaDW au :>#fanart#mcyt#mcyt fanart#grian fanart#grian#now the four (4) times I've drawn him he has not been an avian which is cruel and unusual for me CAUSE I LOVE TO DRAW WINGS#SO MAKING HIM A HUMAN IN MY AU HAS BEEN WILD#anywho I gotta actually like start writing this fic I'm insane over it BUT I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW REN AND MARTYN SPEAK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#very much implied scarian/desert duo but I'm not gonna tag that but like if you know you know#trafficblr#traffic smp#traffic series#traffic life#I promise when I actually write the au I will reblog it here with this drawing because my god it is in my brain so much EACH CHAPTER IS#MAPPED OUT I JUST GOTTA WRITE I SWEAR#I've learned how to plan a fuckign wedding so well through out this planning I SWEAR just GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR#life smp#Madi's art :>#okay I'll stop now BUT I have feelings and poor Ru and Jay are getting the brunt of them
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