#still hoping to have a wonderful time and do many good things

[girl-lostconnection]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with people being so demanding, and I hope that they actually listen to your post and stop, cause it's just really rude in general.

On the other hand, I, for some reason, keep thinking about your story of reader dying and the 141 grieving and how, for me personally, when it comes to one of my loved ones, no matter how much time passes, I just can't stop thinking about them, craving their love, the way that they loved, and how you can see the similarities in others but it isn't quite right, it still doesn't feel the same, and you're just never left satisfied when you want their love again and no one else can do that, because it's not them. You're still loved, yes, but it's not the same.

Idk. I just was thinking about that and was wondering if that's what they might feel. They still have each other and love each other, but I wonder if there are times when they want or feel like they need it to be like reader's way to feel better on some days, where little things that upset them were originally made better by something reader did, but now that they're gone they're just left with that feeling to simmer.

You know one of the things I had to learn while dealing with grief — it doesn’t become smaller. You just get bigger, you get more experiences the older you get and all of that grief is still there. But grief is just what is left of your love for the person who is no longer there.

I think for them it would manifest differently but I can definitely see Johnny trying his best to keep going because he knows he has three more partners and they have to keep going and they have to keep living. Because Reader wouldn’t be happy with them just ending it all, because there is so much more time left, so many things they haven’t done. I think for him it would be one of the things that would eventually result in early retirement. He already lost a quarter of his heart when he lost Reader, he doesn’t want it happening again. And as much as he loves being demolitions expert, he knows there is a different type of life out there. One that can give him and his partners stability and safety.

I think Johnny would be the person that despite it all still sometimes talks about Reader like they are still there. He mentions references to movies and music and books, he draws them in his sketchbooks, he mentions that “this is the dessert they always wanted to try”. With time it turns into a warm kind of nostalgia, the love that he carries with him, his grief manifesting in trying to compensate for everything Reader wouldn’t experience by living through it himself. And by living on. When his time comes he hopes to see Reader again and say “see? I did well, didnae i? It was a good life. A long life, like you wanted. Bet you are proud of me”

Like i mentioned before Kyle took it in one of the worst hits, he’d keep holding onto Reader’s clothes and mementos as long as he can. He googles obsessively brands of clothes, he finds exactly the same articles because even if these get ruined or good forbid someone throws them out — he will know what to order. It won’t be the same, but he could pretend that it is. He already pretends that he’s alright, he already pretends that the hoodies he’s wearing with Reader’s name and rank are just part of his standard uniform.

I feel like Kyle is a person who has never experienced a loss this big before. He never lost someone who was this close, someone who’s still in his head, someone whose voice he keeps hearing when he talks to himself. Kyle likes to imagine that Reader never passes on. That they are still there, maybe noncorporeal, maybe he can’t see them, but at this point he’d settle for anything.

I think Kyle was never one for religion but whenever he passes church he’d get in to light a candle and say a quick not even a prayer but sort of a wish. Like that’s the only way he can chat with you, like something holy could really pass his “I’m okay, love, I’m eating well. Last mission was shite, but you know how it is. You no longer come to me when i dream. Are you upset, baby? I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful next time, i know you don’t like me getting injured. Just please, come back. I can’t sleep well without you.”

Simon would probably have the hardest times adjusting to the absence of Reader, because he takes the longest time to accept their death. He tries so hard to pull away from the moment where he would need to actually process the notion that it finds him itself and hits him with the force of minivan.

There is aching that he can’t relief, there is itch he can scratch — there is a person who he could tell any of his jokes and who’d not just joke in return but laugh at it and this person is gone. They are not coming back, he can’t even find them somewhere to watch out of the shadows, he can’t stalk them.

Losing people like that is always the hardest because with living people you at least can call/text/send a letter with a carrier pigeon. You can come back and open old wounds, you can pick up the fight, you can look them in the eyes and get some closure. Simon is not getting any. He fights every step of the way, he drags his feet. He’s easily agitated, he feels like hitting his head on the wall every time something stabs him from inside reminding that you are gone.

He comes up with a joke and yeah, of course he can tell it to anyone out of 141, but he wants to tell it to Reader. He wants to tell it to them specifically because they’d have a funny response which they’d choke out of themselves by laughing so hard he actually starts laughing. He misses it. He misses them. He misses their smell, the feel of them, the way he could talk to them and they would just get him so well like no one else would. He doesn’t just lose a partner when Reader dies — he loses a friend.

Price is…Price is complicated. He’s one to bottle it all up and throw it so deep down it may never come up other in his subconscious habits. He makes tea for five people and not four, he shops for five, he still buys the snacks Reader liked, he starts planning celebration for their birthday just on the back of his mind until he catches himself doing it and just forces it all down deeper.

Price would be a high functioning alcoholic in his grief, but still an alcoholic. He drinks a little more than he should, he forces down a drink he’d previously wouldn’t because he knows his limits. But it burns and it numbs and for a few hours he can breathe again. Alcohol allows himself to loosen a lid on everything he feels, it puts safe distance between his feeling and him and he actually allows himself to process some of them.

He cries, he ruins his office, he punches through the wall, he routinely throws up. Once he gets so drunk he actually starts having hallucinations, intoxication so severe he almost chokes on his own vomit. Soap finds him just in time to get him help. After this he gets out on suicide watch for 72 hours and the team would start actually guard him in shifts.

Price still drinks but now next to him there is always someone who also remembers his limits and doesn’t let him overstep them. John hates it at times. He hates himself much more though. He hates Reader sometimes too, because that’s not fair that they are gone. Because look what a fucking mess he is, love, bloody disgrace to drink himself under the fucking table.

Price has the fastest adjustment to Reader staying deceased but at the same time he can’t fully process his grief. Part of him is scared that he will drive himself mad if he does, another part just doesn’t want to. It’s stubborn and unhealthy but so what. He’s a captain, he lost soldiers before, he’s gonna deal with it this way.

But i think he’s also the second person who retires straight after Soap because he finds a new almost obsessively-desperate purpose in keeping his boys alive and well. He may be a fucked up man but his boys already lost one of their own, he doesn’t want to drag them through his death as well

[rosenclaws]

Heey! I think your requests are closed, but when you open them, do you think you could write about Logan (any variant) with a reader who has a bad relationship with food? I kinda need the comfort right now, I have to eat to survive, but I hardly ever want to eat, and when I do I feel guilty about it, specially if it's not something super healthy or low cal.

I think Logan would be a really good partner and show support, make sure his partner eats well or doesn't slip meals and even cooks for them :')

Hi! Absolutely I can, I understand what you're going through and I want to know that you're loved and you have my full support <3 I picked origins Logan for this, he just gives off the softest vibes and would be a completely supportive and sweet partner. It's a little short and I apologize but I hope it helps <33

warnings: eating disorder/bad relationship with food, please don't read if this would possibly trigger you

Logan could tell something was off from the moment he walked through the door. His stomach rumbled as he smelled whatever delicious meal you were making for dinner. As he entered the kitchen he saw you pulling a pan out of dinner. Lasagna, his favorite.

"Smells fucking amazing," He purrs as he wraps his hands around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

He still smells like pine needle and dirt from work. Normally he doesn't get back till way past dinner time but today was an easy day. How lucky he gets to eat dinner with the love of his life huh?

"Logan! You scared me." You huff as you gently push his arms off your body.

"Go clean up dinners almost ready." He frowns as you shoo him away.

Lately things have just felt off. You smiled and laughed like you always do but there were little things that just didn't feel right. Especially around meal times.

"Okay sweetheart, I'll be right back." Logan can't help but wonder what could possibly be wrong.

Are you sick? Is something bothering you? If so why wouldn't you tell him? Worries start to invade his thoughts. What could be going on that you can't even go to him about it? After a quick shower and a change of clothes he heads back to the kitchen. Only to see one plate of food sitting on the counter.

"I made it with the sauce you like, not the off brand one." You say with a smile but Logan's worry remains. He sits at the counter and takes the plate.

"Where's yours?" He asks. Your face falls for just a second. Anyone else would have missed it but not Logan. Not when it comes to you.

"Not hungry." You try and play it off, pushing the plate closer but Logan grabs your wrist.

"Logan, I had a big lunch. I'll eat later." You try and tug out of Logan's grip but he remains firm. Never enough to hurt you but enough to keep you there. To keep you from running away.

"I don't believe you. In fact, I've barely seen you eat anything in the last couple months."

The memories come flooding back. He's seen you eat, but its never much and it's always healthy. Shame starts to creep into his bones as he realizes he's failed to put the pieces together. All this time.

"Please sweetheart, whatever is going on you can tell me." Tears start to well up in your eyes as Logan speaks.

You never meant for him to find out. You thought you could handle this on your own. You had been so careful and eat just enough so that he never caught on. But the truth is you're exhausted. Food is nothing more that a means to survive. Everyday you force yourself to eat just enough and no more. Its been exhausting. Especially if the food you eat is too many calories or just plain unhealthy.

Logan almost jumps across the counter the moment he sees the tears, fearing the worst. He abandons his dinner in favor of wrapping you in his arms on the couch. Cooing softly as you cry and explain everything to him. He doesn't say a word, he just listens. Rubbing your back and letting you soak his shirt with tears.

When you're done you prepare for the worst. What if Logan leaves? I mean it would certainly be easier for him to not have to deal with. All of this. But he doesn't. With gentle hands he cups your face and dries your tears.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbles. Sorry that he didn't notice sooner and sorry you've been carrying this for so long.

"Are you mad?" You ask quietly.

"No, of course not." Logan presses a kiss to your forehead.

"Listen honey, this isn't healthy." He knows that you know that but its not as easy as just a flip of a switch to change habits that had been built for years.

"I'm going to be with you every step of the way alright?" He says, tilting your head up so you can look him in the eyes. He wants you to know that he truly means every word.

"Okay," Logan pulls you into a tight hug, whispering sweet words over and over. He wishes he could take all your pain away in an instant. He'd bear it for you without even asking, but he can't.

But he stays true to his promise. Logan is there when you need him, to remind you to eat and taking it upon himself to make meals for you and with you. Some days were harder than others but Logan carried the weight you couldn't.

Things still aren't easy, but with Logan by your side you think you might be able to do anything.

[gffa]

People shouldn't be too hard on Mon!

I absolutely love and is grateful of Freed's understanding and appreciation of the Jedi, apparent in the book, apparent in the interview he'd given for the book:

"For me, the excitement of the time period here, is that I tend to think of 'Star Wars' as a setting with plenty of room for grey area stories and moral ambiguity, but there are very clear lines of good and evil as well. There's no version of 'Star Wars' in which you look at the Emperor and go, 'Well, maybe he had some good ideas.' No, the Emperor is evil. And the Jedi and Luke at their best are good. Everything else exists somewhere in there. This is a period where the remains true but no one really knows that the Emperor is evil.

"As far as the public is concerned, this guy just won the worst war in living memory. The Clone Wars were this horrendous affair and Palpatine has put an end to it. Yes, he's declared himself Emperor but he's not the embodiment of all evil. There's not even a Death Star out there. On the absolute good side, the Jedi have sort of been tarnished in recent years. War scrapes away at the shining morality of any organization."

I think Freed really understands what Lucas meant when he said "The Jedi have been corrupted by this war."

...but I still don't hold it against Mon cause she's going through hell and she spoilerspoilerspoilerspoiler in the later half of the book. I think she's fascinating, wonderful, equally valid character with equally valid viewpoints as Bail within context of their own worlds and experiences in this novel.

The editor of the book said it best:

Bail – knows the truth about Palpatine, the Empire, and the fall of the Jedi. Caught between his commitment to truth and justice at any cost, and the duty he has to the daughter he’s been entrusted to protect.

Mon Mothma – a master politician, who believes – like so many – that opposing Palpatine is part of the regular game of politics. She doesn’t yet realize, Palpatine stood up from the game board years ago, and she’s playing against shadows.

Mon and Bail are allies, but not really friends (at this time). Padme was their link, and now, she’s gone. Where does that leave them?

For Mon and Bail especially, the secrets Bail holds that he cannot reveal leaves a gulf between them. And what does it mean when they find themselves at odds with each other, over truths they cannot speak?

prev anon) I'm talking about their different mindsets and experiences and viewpoints born from those and I'm not excusing Mon's... *spoilers* anyway I hope you enjoy the rest of the book! It's so nice seeing an author like Freed, who usually writes non-force side of sw, handling the jedi with such warmth, understanding and awareness

This was such a reassuring message to get, thank you! I've been avoiding spoilers for the book as best I can, but I'm only a quarter of the way through it and I was wondering how the various themes were going to go, but Freed's interview quotes and your comments have made me glad that I'm picking up what this book is putting down, because that's exactly how I've been reading it. (And why I'm hoping to encourage more people to read it--though, I will give a warning that this book can be uncomfortably prescient about current events in a way that I wouldn't say Alexander Freed Is A Witch, but that can be very hard to read about if you're not in the headspace to deal with a lot of reflections of the dumpster fire we're currently in.) As for Mon, I hope nobody comes down on her for this, because as much as I scream, cry, throw up, etc., over Bail's scenes, in general I lean a bit more towards Mon's way of doing things, because I think her approach is her answer to the question, "But what can actually be truly achieved?" That she is looking at an incredibly shitty situation with only shitty options and asking herself what can she actually get done, what does she have a snowball's chance in hell of success with? And she knows clearing the Jedi's name at this point in time is not on the table, not when there are a million other things that might actually do tangible good for the galaxy. And I don't disagree with that! I love the Jedi more than anyone, but clearing their name isn't more important that, say, trying to stop the Wookiees from being classified as a non-sentient species! Clearing their name isn't important enough to blow all your political capital and having nothing to show for it when there are people who you can help, with a chance that will actually succeed! Bail's idealism isn't stupid, he's incredible and the galaxy needs a shining light like him, it's necessary for the bigger hope for the future, we can't make it through the dark times without bright, shining hope. So even when they don't always think positively of each other, I never get the sense that Bail and Mon don't understand that the other is doing what they think is best. They just disagree on what that is. And it makes sense! Bail knew and was friends with the Jedi! He knows the truth about Palpatine and how important all that Force shit is to what's going on here! Mon is operating with the idea that this is a political battle--and she's not entirely wrong, she's necessary to the recovery of the galaxy, too, just as Luke is necessary to save the day, so too is Leia, and I sort of see that reflected in Bail and Mon's approaches--one is focusing on the mystical and one is focusing on the political and I think both are important here. So, I have nothing but hearts for Mon Mothma and what she's trying to do for the galaxy.

And I don't see them as antagonists here, I see them as two people who look at each other with the understanding that there is deep love and compassion for people in the other, that they want this other person on their side not just for political alliances but because they care, and maybe they want to scream in frustration that the other person can't see what they see, but I don't feel for a second that this is going to end with them anything other than them as friends. Their scene in Rogue One implies she knows about Bail knowing a living Jedi, if not directly knowing about Obi-Wan Kenobi, which isn't something he would tell just anyone. I'm hoping for the same with Saw, there's going to be conflict about their approaches, and I love that that's clearly a theme/why these three characters were chosen as the pillars of this book, that each of them are shown to have their reasons why and that each of them serve a purpose. I scream/cry/throw up more about the Jedi because that's the most fun for me, but I am enthralled with Mon's chapters just as much, the political tightrope she's on, and I would encourage people to read for those aspects just as much as I would encourage them for crying about the Jedi. ANYWAY, EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK FOR YOURSELF, I'm having fun with the snippets I'm posting, but the book is so much more than those things! It's one of the best SW for rounding out the characters and filling in the transitions between the movies and TV shows, but in a way that keeps the tension and emotional gut-punches despite that we know where it's going. ALSO, MON MOTHMA AND BAIL ORGANA ARE THE BEST, I'M WILLING TO FIGHT THE INTERNET OVER THIS

[butterflydm]

WoT rewatch thoughts (1x5-1x08)

Still has spoilers through the s3 information that we have so far and book spoilers through a memory of light.

1x05

Both beginning and ending this episode on funeral rituals worked so well. Great structure.

Time skip for traveling! Mark a month off on the calender.

We can really see how Mat has deteriorated in the last month by the way he snaps at the kid who runs into him.

Love the shot of Dragonmount looming behind Tar Valon. They exist always with that reminder of what the Dragon did.

Mat has no appetite. Poor sad wet cat.

The betrayal of there being Two Beds in this inn room, lol. Why are we not respecting the classic fic tropes?

Rand reassuring Mat that he didn't kill that little girl or her family. Rand believing so hard in Mat's goodness maybe partly because he can see that Mat is having a difficult time seeing it in himself.

Even with Nynaeve's coat off, she's still half Green and half Yellow.

Moiraine trying so hard to mentor Nynaeve and she Does Not Want It.

Man, Perrin and Egwene had a much more cheerful journey than either of the other sets. But they get plenty of trauma right now, so they don't need to be jealous.

Once again, the show does such a good job showing us the strength in the Tuatha'an. And this thread will continue into Perrin's storyline in s3, with both Whitecloaks & Tuatha'an. They've done a solid job of tying Perrin to them both.

Loial shows up and immediately calls Rand an Aielman, lol. Poor Rand!

Oh, I see you, Fain!

Oof, people throwing food at Logain and mocking him. Baffled at the people who say the downsides of being a man who can channel weren't shown.

The promise scene between Mat & Rand is so good. Ultimate sad wet cat Mat. I really do love everything about this scene.

I really like our exploration of Stepin's utter and compete grief and emptiness after Kerene's death. How much the other Warders try to help him, how Nynaeve tries to help him but it isn't enough.

Love love what they did with the old rings being melted down (to create new).

Between what happens with the Whitecloaks here and then the Seanchan in s2, Egwene reacting by being as fiercely independent as possible makes all the sense in the world.

The Whitecloaks and Tower novices both wearing all white seems like it might create some emotional dissonance for Egwene, but I understand why the show didn't go there. That's just down to Jordan making too many groups of people wear white.

Oof, the Whitecloak stuff with Egwene & Perrin is hard to watch.

But our first hint of Perrin's golden eyes.

I note how Valda feels about all channelers similarly to how Liandrin feels about male channelers. And then we can get into the Seanchan's dehumanization of channelers as well.

Liandrin trying to bond more with Nynaeve. Has she been having ta'veren dreams? Ishy has had a month to try to figure out at least some of the places where his potential ta'veren have gone.

Our first reunion! It's always such a relief when any of them get to reunite. Man, Mat really does look on the verge of death.

Nynaeve can now join Rand & Mat in the Not Trusting Aes Sedai or Moiraine squad. Oops.

She tells Rand a story about Egwene to reassure him of Egwene's strength, never realizing that it's also the moment when Nynaeve likely channeled for the first time (to heal Egwene).

Perrin shares his deepest shame and secret with Egwene here - that he killed Laila by accident during the battle. So Perrin & Egwene's journey ends up being also very traumatic but the trauma was concentrated into the last day or so of the journey.

And just like was hinted at with the fire, Egwene & Perrin are finding their power at the same time. I wonder if this will happen again with their TAR training in s3? I really hope they run across each other in TAR. Let the characters stay connected!

Liandrin definitely got shot down by Moiraine at some time in the past.

Love the whole "shrine to ward off the Forsaken" thing. Great touch.

Siuan has been off in Caemlyn - was she talking to Elaida about Elayne, or was it about politics?

Moiraine: the White Tower's Woman of Mystery. Everyone wants to know what she's up to!

Alanna got such a glow-up in the show compared to the books. She's great here.

We get another nod to accepted poly relationships (amid the Green Ajah, at least).

Great conversation between Stepin & Lan. And a heartbreaking conclusion to Stepin's little mini-arc of grief and the Warder bond.

1x06

Little baby Siuan! ❤️ ❤️

Our first look at Tear as well.

Such a great way to introduce Siuan, considering they wouldn't have her for more than one episode this season.

And we learn in some places that it's dangerous for a woman to learn to channel - it's not only the Whitecloaks who assume that everyone who can channel is a Darkfriend.

Given that we know now (as of s2) that Moiraine & Siuan are older here than in the books, I wonder if that means her dad has already passed on.

Much like Egwene, Siuan is strongly associated with the water.

(This scene made me tear up too. I've cried three or four times today, I think)

Leane wearing light colors here vs the darker colors she wore in the s3 sneak peek to bash a Darkfriend's head in.

Another scene that gains so much depth on rewatch- knowing about Moiraine & Siuan's relationship & knowing about Liandrin being Black Ajah.

We just saw Stepin choose death in the previous emptiness of losing his bond, now Logain seeks and is refused death while suffering the emptiness of losing his connection to the One Power.

Everyone does still look good here, but the costumes definitely got a glow-up in s2 & again in s3.

The only main player in this scene not playing an elaborate game is Alanna. Siuan and Moiraine are pretending not to be in cahoots, Liandrin is pretending not to be Black Ajah - Liandrin trying to fracture the divides between the Ajahs, and also throwing Moiraine under the bus. A lot of Daes Dae'mar going on.

I also feel obligated to note that around this time frame is the jumping off point of my (now over 500k!) fic series: voice in the back of my head (archiveofourown.org/series/2688649). It is Cauthor-focused (Mat & Rand romance), though it does bring in the canon romances for Rand later on and we have some fun poly relationships going on, and it is currently spoiling through the twelfth book, but each fic in the series says how far that particular fic goes with regards to spoilers. The fic premise is: Liandrin found Rand & co instead of Moiraine finding them, and Rand is motivated enough to instinctively Travel himself, Mat, and Nynaeve to Tear because he wants to escape her.

This fic has been a lot of work and I am pretty proud of it so if you feel at all inclined to read an AU of the series that starts with the idea of "what if we gently slid Mat into Rand's romance situation?" and is a mix of show and book canon... give it a try. If you like it, please let me know your thoughts. <3

Anyway, Moiraine be spying on Rand & co., waiting for Nynaeve & Loial to leave to go talk to Rand & Mat.

Rand's protectiveness over Mat on this scene is really what threw my shipping switches on for them. He pulls a sword on Lan, despite knowing he had no chance against him!

"The world doesn't need a Dragon like me."

But Moiraine has figured out this is something else, not going mad from saidin, and Mat gets healed of the dagger's sickness.

So... was Rand using the One Power to help keep Mat from succumbing to the dagger's pull? Moiraine thinks that Mat shouldn't have been able to resist as long as he did.

We get some Tower politics, and we get the first hints of the Seanchan.

Moiraine is just encountering so much weirdness with these kids. Now there are wolves, she must be thinking to herself. Wolves!

The romance reveal scene! I like this change for several reasons- it's better romance than either gets in the books, it follows naturally from the NS relationship setup, and it adds drama for Moiraine, who did get a bump from mentor figure to being a protagonist.

It also gives the show a chance to show softer and warmer sides to both Moiraine & Siuan. Plus the nice play between duty & love bodes well for other romances.

I love how they reunite and only afterwards does Moiraine let Siuan know about the Dragon. Priorities!

And it makes so much sense that Moiraine has been doubting their prophecies after all this time on the road, while Siuan hasn't been out there with disappointment after disappointment.

This conversation also (unintentionally, given that it was a last-minute change) sets up Moiraine deciding she'd rather have the Reds potentially gentle the Dragon than risk Mat choosing to join the Shadow, because she thinks he's not strong enough to resist.

Ishy deliberately sent Siuan that dream. 😭

Liandrin knows too much. She definitely has been getting Ishy dreams.

Another reunion!

And the convo with Siuan is great. Nynaeve not bowing still cracks me up. Egwene going "wtf, nynaeve can channel? and she's stronger than I am?" with just her face is also hilarious.

Egwene & Nynaeve get a much kinder pep talk from Siuan than poor Rand gets in s2.

Moiraine's exiling is another great, emotional scene. And it also teaches us more about how the Oath Rod works, and sets some reasons in place for the Hall to be wary of Siuan. And sets up some precedents for the future.

And Moiraine trusting and giving more to Siuan than she was asked to give in the Oath - not just exile but obedience. That's gonna hurt a lot when we get to s2.

Even though she literally asked for it, it's obvious how hard it is on Moiraine to see her Sisters turn their backs on her.

But now we do (briefly) get our full Two Rivers reunion, and that is lovely. Hugs all around! Fond teasing! They love each other!

So we know that it wasn't actually the Dark One who was trapped at the Eye, so... it sounds like the knowledge of the location of the Dark One's prison is lost to time. It does make sense that Darkfriends would target that info specifically.

Moiraine not able to tell them that she trusts them, due to her Oaths, is a. so funny and b. makes it mean so much in s2 when she is willing and able to say that she trusts Rand (this is the real reason why it's difficult for me to get on board with The Ruse (TM) theory - because it feels like it would retroactively ruin that 2x07 moment between Moiraine & Rand).

Now that he's pretty sure Mat can't channel and isn't the Dragon, Rand knows deep down who it really is.

But then we lose Barney-Mat at the Waygate and I'm sad!

You can tell this very last scene was shot after the post-covid shutdown, because Maddy (Egwene) lost some roundness in her cheeks during those in-between months and it makes her eyes look a lot bigger.

I adore Donál's Mat but also miss Barney's. The feelings are both very present.

1x07

The Blood Snow! So epic. I love everything about this scene.

I will say, given that we have a stabbed pregnant Tigraine in the side here and it looks like we're getting a flashback to pregnant Morgase in s3, it does feel fairly likely that we will get pregnant Elayne as well, later on in the series. Tigraine gets stabbed the same way that Elayne is described as being stabbed in one of the super-late books (can't remember which, so I'll tag through AMoL) iirc.

Tigraine really did give every ounce of herself to her destiny, and I'm so glad the show version of her got a moment of kindness and compassion at the end.

Moiraine's cynicism about Mat vs Rand's rose-colored glasses about Mat: fight!

Nynaeve doing her job as Wisdom to keep all the kiddos together and make a promise to find Mat later.

"The one thing that we cannot afford is for the Dragon to turn to the Shadow."

Lan trying to cheer Nynaeve up is very sweet.

Egwene wants to sleep near Rand and he lets her this time (contrast to 1x02, when he pushed her away).

I like negging Machin Shin better than the version in the books, I admit it. It's more personal! Just relentlessly dunking on everyone's deepest fears.

Everyone looks so haunted. Poor kiddos.

I don't understand the people who don't understand the big fight. Everyone is so on edge from what they just went through! They are all overly emotional and vulnerable right now. The fight could have been MUCH uglier and still been valid tbh.

Uno! Congrats on your s2 upgrade to Hero of the Horn!

Another confession: I find this Lord Agelmar & Lady Amalisa much more interesting and memorable than the ones in the books. And I was kinda relieved that the show took the whole Five Great Captains thing off the table right away.

I also love their outfits.

Oh, hi, Fain! I suspect we'll get to see more of him in s3.

Min is so much better in the show than the books, omg. Just... on every level. She actually is jaded and world-weary.

"There is a man they must find. A boy, really."

Given that we saw Mat visibly recoil at hearing the Red Ajah mentioned in that s3 clip, I wonder if we're going to see him & Moiraine actually talk about it. I mean, it's in character for both of them to avoid that particular convo, so we will see!

Egwene's little quip at Rand's cooking is cute but I bet contributes to that feeling of Rand's that she doesn't see him as a man but as a boy.

I like how Min's visions were used here. And that she does what Moiraine blackmailed her into but holds back enough to protect what she knows would be the biggest secret (that Rand is the Dragon) because she doesn't feel like it's hers to reveal.

I really love how the shot with the three kids is framed to show the empty chair at the back to emphasis Mat's absence.

Anyway, I like the fight. Characters should be allowed to be messy and argue. Each of them has a perspective and is stubborn about that PoV.

Egwene is right that Moiraine can't lie, but the others are right that she can mislead or withhold.

And I love that the tipping point for the actual fight is Mat & his absence.

And then Nynaeve lobbing a bomb into the conversation as soon as it gets heated enough that she's getting uncomfortable. I mean, they aren't arguing about Mat anymore, at least?

Perrin's super-close "the only woman I've ever loved is my wife" and the hot five seconds that I shipped Perrin & Rand (but then Mat was mentioned in Rand's 1x08 fantasy world and I was right back to Cauthor lol).

I like that Lan had Malkieri friends alive in Fal Dara & I'm pretty stoked about the s3 Melindhra spoilers as well. Very cool to dive more into those relationships than we did in the books. Nynaeve getting an introduction to Lan's people & culture! After he got to know hers in 1x01! Very nice.

Jump-scare Lan does crack me up.

Anyway, good for Nynaeve and Lan for hooking up when they think there's a chance they might die in the morning.

Rand struggles with coming to terms with being the Dragon but Egwene thinks this is all about the big fight earlier. So they are having two different conversations right now.

Hey, in light of this convo- Rand is going to go to, well, Tar Valon anyway. Maybe not the White Tower itself. We'll see if he gets a doorway visit or not.

But this is Rand's big final burst of denial before he goes and talks to Min, confirming to himself that he's the Dragon, as he's tried not to believe that he is. So we've now had two instances of Randgwene sex used to delay or avoid an important conversation.

I am... very curious if the pattern continues in s3. Pretty sure they'll sleep together again, from what we've gotten in the trailers & such, but I am curious about the framing & context.

This montage of Rand accepting the truth about himself gives me chills.

Min's exhaustion here makes her so relatable.

I am so glad Tigraine had someone to hold her hand at the end. That she saw that her son would be taken care of.

"Rainbows and carnivals and three beautiful women." 😍

Elayne only three episodes away (2x02, right?), and Aviendha a little bit after that, but they are on their way! And this is our first hint about them.

1x08

3000 years ago, whoo!

Love their outfits.

Love the choice to have the AoL scenes in the Old Tongue.

LTT is perfect. Genuinely so good.

And the gut punch of seeing how technologically advanced the world used to be. It was a magitek utopia (or at least seemed that way to them).

I do wish that Rafe & co could have brought their original vision of this episode to life, because it is so devastating to go over all the things they lost (a principal actor! Their original Blight location! Their stunt team! Even more that I can't recall at the moment too I bet) but they did so much with what they had. I am so fucking impressed.

"I love him, Perrin." And then she thinks he died to save all of them. Yeah they do need to finish things off properly in the show.

Lan 100% thinks that going after Moiraine right now means his death, hence the sweet but flowery speech to Nynaeve here.

Ishy and Rand come face to face. I wonder who Ishy thought the Dragon was (he says he didn't expect it to be Rand). I love the reveal of Ishy's true face. And trying to touch Rand's face right away lol.

"Stubborn as ever, Lews."

The convo between Moiraine & Rand is interesting (all of them are) but partly because Moiraine doesn't actually say that she believed it was Egwene. I think she hoped it was Egwene but that's not quite the same. And Rand doesn't ever really think it was Egwene either, except maybe at the start, because we know he was worried it was Mat during that month of them journeying together.

Hey, the horrible bully from Moiraine's story! We're gonna meet her in s3. Because that story is about Elaida. She beat a novice with the One Power to force her to channel.

Min is very amusing in the show. I like her a lot. I really like that we get to go on an emotional journey along with Min about the downsides of having her viewings in s2, instead of it all happening before we show up in her life.

Again, really like the relationship between the siblings here - Lord Agelmar & Lady Amalisa. It's sweet.

"Let us hope we will buy the women and men of this world enough time to stand a fighting chance."

Rand recognizes the place where he locked Ishy up years ago. Love that we get to see that moment in s2.

Moiraine talking about the Tower's histories getting destroyed by Darkfriends. Very important note, I feel.

And Ishy springs his win-win trap. There was no actual way for Rand to win here, because he didn't know who he was fighting.

I've mentioned this before but I love that the show split up the battle into philosophical (Rand) vs physical (everyone else) because that's the Last Battle too. Rand's fight is a philosophical one and it always was. The Power is there to get him to where he needs to be to make that choice.

Our mention of Mat in Rand's temptation world, where Egwene is clearly being fondly exasperated but not truly annoyed. So, you know, like how Rand feels about Mat.

Ishy plays with his food, taunting and shielding Moiraine.

Perrin and Loial's friendship being a throughline for all three seasons, getting to know each other here, spending more time together in s2, and Loial going home with him in s3.

Rand struggling against a hollow perfect reality. Major, major foreshadowing for the endgame so I'm glad I already listed amol spoilers.

And Rand also needs to forcibly let go of Egwene and his dream of their life together in order to wake up from his encounter with Ishamael, something that Egwene doesn't get the opportunity to do, because the boyfriend she recently reunited with heroically died in order to save the world (to her understanding). So Rand and Egwene go into s2 (and presumably s3) with very different contexts about where their relationship left off.

You know, in retrospect, it's so appropriate that the Horn was being guarded by one of the Heroes.

Ishy is so smug here because he really does win no matter what. Tbh I feel like waking up Lanfear was his big mistake in s2. Because her agenda is different enough from his that they ended up conflicting, even though they share an LTT obsession.

That being said, even though this is a win-win for Ishy, what Rand learns here can/will help him win the Last Battle. So it works out in the long run.

Rand & Moiraine believe that the Last Battle is won, so she's willing to let him wander off to die in the wilderness if he wants... and then she kicks herself forever when she realizes how wrong she was. Like, it's Moiraine & Siuan's plan that fully releases Ishy. They thought they could do an endrun around the prophecies (which Moiraine has to be fully aware that Rand has not accomplished!).

As Moiraine might say "the arrogance".

Love the setup here at the end by Fain.

"Rand may be the Dragon but all five of you have a part to play."

And Moiraine. "This wasn't the Last Battle. I fear it was the first."

And our great intro to the Seanchan and how wildly different they are to anything we've already seen.

Tomorrow, I'll start rewatching s2 and see how far I get!

[simpingforbots]

Hello I was wondering if I could have human reader and TFone elita one in it the human lands on cybertron gets found by elita one and lives at her place and shows the struggles of them liveing on cybertron and them growing in their relationship with elita one soon after having a hard time sleeping elita ask them if they want to sleep in her bed and cuddle

Thank you I hope this wasn’t a lot

Hello. Sure can do my best. I am thinking of putting this meeting this time in future, after Sentinel became a twix, but before war. In more peaceful times. might even take few chapter so head up.

Little Alien - part 1

You were no one special and you knew it. Unlike every one else on this ship you did not go to some expensive college, or was a genius gifted kid who managed to ace every thing, or just well adducted person who did their best to earn their spot here. You were just a normal, run of the mill, human being, who happen to win this stupid lottery and decided to take a bite. The months of grilling training for the launch off, space and it’s zero gravity and how to act was enough to make you second guess, yet you still decided to stay. How many people can tell their future generation that they were in actual space, joining egg heads for some kind of experiment. What you did not know that you were also an unfortunate sap to become their lab monkey, after all they need someone to do something

You just stared at the new planet as it slowly passed in to the illuminator, able to see light illuminating from it, fascinated that something like this exsist. All it took is to travel though some kind of worm hole while you were frozen, now about to land on this new world. The leader of this operation asked every one to come to the detachable shuttle, and get ready for descend. Smiling, you pushed your self though zero gravity, enjoying the feeling of being free, collecting your suit and camera on the way as your only job here. Floating in to the shuttle you greeted other people on it, smiling and doing your best to stay out of their way as they got every thing ready, dragging in boxes and other expensive equipment. They been good to you so far, and you relay did not wanted to piss them off. Taking your right full seat at the far back, away from controls and important leavers, you stared outside and watched as shuttle detached it self, slowly moving away from the main ship, able to see other scientists watch you and the team go down to the planet. The ride was not without hiccups as this planet was a new environment and who knew what was on it, especialy of it looked like it was made from metal. You felt the entire ship shake as they slowly descended, landing on the stable ground and after some time you finally were allowed to get out, following others as they all got out, carrying boxes and other science equipment.

“Holly Shit” your eyes grew wide as your eyes scanned alien terrane. The alien sun was just going up, basking the entire world in wonderful colours and constantly shifting mountains added to the majestic atmosphere to this new world. Hell, you sure you can fell quite buzz of something coming from below heavily padded boots of the suit. “DO you think there is air here?”

“So far reading says there is traces of oxygen on this planet, so I presume so” one of the scientist reply, piking up a small rock for the sample “Should be safe for us, but for safety reasons it best to keep the helmet on”

“okay...” you stayed quite, continue watching new mountains grow from the gorund while other collapsed. Pulling your camera out, yes it was on old one, that was printing photos, you still liked t, you started taking pictures, letting the small machine whirr as it printed, giving you a memorabilia of such strange and wonderful world.... “Hey guys, do you need me to take some other photos... for the science?”

“Actually it will be nice” you grinned as you continued taking picture, staying ou of the way of those who knew what to do.

It seems like you’ve been here for hours and standing in one place, taking the picture at the same spot soon bored you and you wondered out a bit further in, not to far as to still be in radio frequency range, taking photos of every thing that seemd out of sight. Like the small tongues of grass poking though the harsh metallic surface and seeming to thrive in this harsh environment, right next to flowing blue liquid that glowed brightly. Walking over to it, you huffed a bit thanks to the heavy weight of the suit, lifting your camera and ticking a picture of the river as close as you could, even able to see it “flow” in picture. Maybe you should tell your “friends” about what you found, kneeling down a bit and reached over, moments away from touching it before quickly puling your hand away. Right, no, you are human, you poke things with sticks just like God intended. Turning around, you spotted a small “stick” or something that looked like it, wrapping your gloved hand around and plunging it in t the river, obtaining a sample. A sound from the other side of the river quickly alerted you, making you jump and stare on shock at what you wee seeing.

A deer – or something that look like a deer, giant and made out of metal, reminding you about the obstruct sculpture you’ve seen one time back on Earth, herd of them, leisurely walking over to the river, ignoring your presence and bowing to take a sip of the strange liquid floating by, one by one, stretching in to line, with few staying on guard, the round lights on their head instead of normal horns glowing purple, their head high up and staring around. Your eyes were glued to them, to much in awe to even say anything but slowly breathing in, time to time eyes darting from one creature to another. You were scared that if you move to fast you’ll scare them, if you make any noise, like calling to your group, they will run away, so moving slowly and carefully, you lifted your camera again, turning the flashlight of. Slow as a snail, you raised it, closing one eyes and looking through lens at the creature, who were still enjoying liquid, ignoring your presence completely, allowing you to take as many photos as you want. Finally one of them noticed you, the light shifting for just a second to red, before going purple again, the head slightly tilting to the side, it’s small eyes shifting rapidly, waiting for any action from you. And so did you, watching them in return, ready to run in case those huge metal beast decides you were danger. Finally it decided to see what you was about, jumping over the narrow for him river, making you jump and take few steps back, freezing a bit as it walked over, graceful as one would be on earth, heavy body making idle mechanic noises as it slowly walked over, head low and lights blue, closing the distance. You carefully lifted your hands up and try not to look threatening to something metal and big, just letting it inspect you, and it seemd like the thing approved of you, the head bumping in to your side lightly, yet still making you stumble, rubbing a bit and light turning green with a ding, letting human let a heavy sigh of relief, lifting hands toward the head and letting it slide up and down the metal segmented head, able to feel quite buzz and warmth even beneath gloves.

“Wow, you are beautiful!” you whispered, smiled creeping up not your face, the mask fogging up a bit with your breath speeding up, able to feel your heart pounding in the chest. “just what are you? Hehe” you let a chuckle, bracing your self as the rest of the flock came over to “inspect” new creature, head budding you as well and soon enough the entire heard was playfully bumping heads to get their own share of head pats, making you savour the moment that you were the first to interact with alien life, even if it was wild one, it still was amazing, so in the moment that you were unable to feel that the distant faint rumble grew nearer, and when it become a small tremor that it seemed to finally alert the deer, their heads shooting up, scaring you a bit, with their rings turning red and quickly scramble away, forcing you to curl up and cover your head from them running over you, almost trembling you to death with their huge heavy metal hoofs and weight. When they ran away, you got up, confused just what was going on, turning your head to horizon and watching carefully, seeing something that was not right.

Mountains, they were growing closer, shifting quicker and quicker toward your and your team direction, but could it be just your imagination. Confused you reached for the tablet on your hand, taping it to activate your radio, calling out to the team, asking if every thing was okay, only to get static. The mountains grew nearer and tremors grew harder, finally sending you in to panic mode, turning around and running back to the ship, stumbling with every shake and heart pounding. Why did you wonder so far?! You kept running, panting and screaming for the team, eyes pilled on horizon and seeing your team finally react to earthquake, gathering expensive equipment on to the ship in a hurry, constantly looking back. Why were they looking back, what was going on. Regretfully you turned your head, stumbling over your feet, catching just in time as to not fall, eyes growing so wide you could feel them almost pop out of the scull – the constantly shifting mountain were rapidly moving towards you, sending violent earthquakes along, and the sight alone pumped more adrenalin in to human’s blood stream, the chain of exhaustion quickly falling of, screaming louder, turning your head and speed up as much as you could in the heavy suite, waving your hands at last person jumping in.

“Wait! Wait! FUCK!!!” You yelled loud enough to even burst your own ear drums, tears forming as you watch human look in between inside the ship and you, diving in and the ship slowly rising up, the engines roaring no lounder then the grumble of the ground, slowly kicking in and flying away, leaving you behind to your doom. You screamed in anger, fear and pity for your self as the shifting mounted quickly caught up, tossing you around like some kind of tennis ball. You felt every bump and toss, sharp edges digging in to you and you fell on your head to hard, knocking you out.

Ever since Orion become a prime every thing seemed to change for the best. No bot had to slave away in mines as energon flowed through city and it was plenty then enough for every one, the only reason mines were still were open was for minerals and safety was at all time high with Elita-one on control. And she was quite proud of it, after all she did spend most of her life reaching for high position, and now she was right hand of Optimus Prime, with a lot of paperwork and responsibilities, along with all the stress. Hunched over another stack of data-pads, it took every thing not to throw it at poor sap who came in, bringing more documents and thankfully some energon to help her power though this entire mess even if the energon crisis was over, there were other troubles that needed to be taken care of. Like sudden influx of young bots, waste and a clear as day divide between those who could live in comfort and those who could not, something even Prime did not approve much, seeing as every one were equal. Letting bot place data-pads and energon in front of her, she waved them off, leaning back in chair with a grunt.  Besides those problames there were still Quintessons, who are now no longer provided with energon by Sentinel and Megaron with high gurds, now knowns as decepticons, constantly causing trouble and even starting roomers about false Prime.

She needs a break. Getting up, Elita headed out, passing by B-127, who was happily talking some ones audio off, a smile creeping on her faceplate to see him so free after hearing where he was, finally enjoying a proper life that was intended. Heading out, Elita headed up to the surface, wanitng to enjoy the scenary just for a bit, reminiscing about past adventure, driving through landscape when something caught her opticks. On horizon something appeared, descending quickly and carefully, to small to be one of Quintessons ships. Reeving up the engine, fem-bot speed up toward the landing, even if it was far away, praying to primes it was nothing to worry about, still being carful of shifting terrain. By the time she reached the spot she calculated was landing site for the small ship it wad to late for who ever landed. One of many shifting mountains made it’s way toward the ship and crushing something small in the way while the ship left, just in time to avoid collision with the shifting mass of metal, leaving one of presumed passengers behind to their fate, getting tossed around mountain like some kind of ball before going limp along woth moving maintain stopping. Knowing first hand how ruff it can get, Elita rushed over, something inside her gripping her spark as this small thing looked to close to a sparkling and getting tossed like this surely did not end well. Transforming mid way, Elita closed the distance, slowing down and carefully walking over to limp body laying on one of spikes, unmoving or showing signs of life.

This small thing did look like sparkling from a far, but up close it looked more creepy. It was small, in white covering with no distinguished segment, as if the metal was fused all in one moving part, it did had hands with five small digits, curled a bit, creepy. Shaking of the strange feeling, Elita approached it closer, kneeling down and letting her self inspect it, head tilting side to side while optic scanned the strange life form. It did not look like any Quintessons she’ve ever seen, in fact those bug creature were big and this paled in compression, hell it’ll easily fit in her servo alone. Slowly reching out, she poked it, body swaying before going still again, but just for a second she could feel warmth. Could this thing still be alive? Poking it again just to make sure it won’t suddenly attack or anything else, even if the size difference was big, she wrapped her servo, lifting it, round strange head with big reflective visor swaying a bit, limbs hanging down, big bot could feel it moving, middle torso expanding and slowly deflating over and over, like some kind of constant force, an engine that can not stop even when one is unconscious. Seeing her own reflection in the strange head, Elita use one of the digits to prop up the round head to make sure it was looking at her. It felt so week and fragile, just what is it? Squinting a bit, Elita could see something under the strange visor, could this strange reflective thign move, slide up perhaps. Slowly, using the other servo, she tapped the head, it making a hallow thunk noise, still not reacting and the strange reflective surface moving just a bit, confirming that it can be moved. Using the same digit, she slid it up, opticks growing wide and head tilting back a bit with shock.

This thing had a face, just like any other cybertronian, just on strange colour and weird things on it, yet the expression seemed peaceful as if they were simply recharging. Bringing them closer, Elita squinted, tapping on the strange helmet to see what else was inside, angling it along the way. Nothing that she can see from here. Looking up, she had to wonder if this one was left behind as to let other escape the shifting mass or they were unlucky enough as to not get on the ship when disaster stuck, what ever it was, she can no leave it here, no matter how much she wanted. Letting a heavy exhausted sight, fem bot stood up, leaning on the mass and turned, heading back to the Iacon, already getting a headache just from thinking what will happened when she brings this strange creature there, especialy Bee with all his questions.

--

Why is every thign hurts? Letting a grunt out, you tried opening your eyes, immideatly getting assaulted by light, forcing you to squint and raise your hand to shield eyes from such suden brightness. Where were you? Not on the ship that was for sure as there was no ideal chatter of tv captain put on as to not let the crew go crazy due to all the silence outside the ship. Who wouldn’t if you had to spend months floating in vacuum of space with no constant noise that ususaly surrounded you on Earth – all the nature sounds and human life, a constant, even if not noticeable, noise. Slowly getting up, you can feel fresh bruises painfully sting all over you, a sigh of relieve escapes you, seeing that you managed to get out of what ever the fuck was happening alive, with only cracked visor, quickly putting panic in to your head. Even if there was air that in theory was breathable, it was still not the best. Taking a few deep breath you did not notise anything bad happening, no dizziness, or sharp pain in chest, meaning it was alright. Good. Hold on, where are you?

Finally snapping back in to reality, your eyes grew wide while you looked around, head snapping from one side to another. You were in the hugest room you could even imagine, bigger then the room you visited back in the day during the “tour” where guide explained what was going on and what you singed up for, showing of the top of the notch technology. No, this was bigger, much-much bigger and it seamed like you were on something huge that extended a bit further and dropped quickly, getting up, you walk, spinning around, eyes wide and instinctively reaching for the camera, bumping in to something. You bumped in to the glass... what? Putting your hand on it, you followed the slightly noticeable surface, trailing it above and behind you, horror slowly sipping in. Dome, where ever you were placed in to the glass dome like some kind of spider caught in a glass, you are not a bug! Panicking, tried to get under it, the gloves are to thick to do the job, and even if they could, you doubt you can lift something so big and heavy. So banging it is. Drumming your fist on the surface, you yell

“HEY! Let me out! Let me out!!!” you shouted on top of your lungs, bot fist hammering on the surface, hell even kicking, trying to get attention of what ever it is caught you. Do you really want to? No, but you have to get out and try to call “home” to get the hell of this planet and tell every one to not come back. “HEY!!!”

Something seemd to hear you and a heavy, like very heavy footsteps echoed though the entire place, you freezing and staring at what clearly was door frame, eyes glued and heart pounding, expecting something to pop in all while your brain started processing every thign at once. You were in a huge dome, in a hugest room big enough to fit in 10 of the ships you travelled through space, you saw huge deer made out of metal, so what can be stomping so loudly through the hallway. As realisation quickly hit you like a frag train, sweat pooling on your back you quickly stopped banging and just stared quietly at the doorframe. It did not take to long for the source of the stomping to slowly peer in, metal fingers wrapping around the edge of doorframe, and a huge metal head with strange helm popped in. Of God, it had a face and it’s huge blue glowing eyes staring at you like a child staring at the new thing they just found. Both of you just stared at each other, wide eyed, shocked and confused, you honestly were about to faint as the vision got blurry and starts blinking in to appearance. It seemd like the big yellow things will make the first move.

The face light up with smile, it’s mouth moving as it spoke garbled words that sounded like someone put on blender and drill, quickly walking in to the room and closing the distance between your prison and it, huge hands reaching for the dome. You let a yelp when cage left the gorund, you sliding back and trying not to fall on your ass, heart pounding and now completely terrified. Of course this planet will have giant metal people, though huge bot did not seemd to concerned that you were terrified out of your wits, rotating the cage and you at the same time, examining you with the most puppy like eyes you really did not expect bot to have, it’s mouth in a wide smile. How can he talk so much, is he expecting you to understand him just because he speaks non stop.... oh god is that how animals feel when they first get adopted.

When Elita brought the strange creature back with her, every one seemd to be shocked by it and freaked out, mostly confused and wierded out how something alien can look so like them, even in a weird way they ad two peds, two servos, a head hidden behind round helmet, all keeping their distance, and not only bacouse it was a strange thing, but because Elita held it and no one want smoke with here, she carried her little finding in to her office, placing it in a small glass cage so that it won’t run away when it wakes up and she is not there. Grunting, big bot leaned on table, scaning the small thign over again. It seemd to be damaged while being tossed around like some kind of ball, but not leaking anything, meaning that the thing it was “made out of” was only an outer shell, like Quintessons had the first layer, hiding beneath a strange fleshy thig, could it be the same case. So does it mean this thing is a Quintessons, like hatchling of theirs? Hardly, they should look somewhat similar, like a smaller version of them and ugly. Letting a heavy sigh, she tapped on the glass, keeping her worries to her self as another request for meeting came though, taking her to the other side of this huge building, passing by B-127.

B-127 knew that Elita brought something that caught every one of guard and he wanted it to see, yet the tall fem pushed him aside, saying that it was not the time for that, making him a bit grumpy. Is she saying he can’t control him self around something so small, but he can and he will prove it, and it did not take long for big fem-bot to be called for another boring meeting that he can sneak in to her office, quickly running though the corridor. And just as he was getting closer he heard the weirdest sound ever – it sounded like chirping and soft singing in some new tones, getting his attention at full strength. Tip toing now, as to not scare it, Bee poked his head out of the hallway, staring at the small dome with the thing, it awake and active, and looking at him.

“OH WOW! You are cute! What are you? You are relay weird little thing, are you?” chittering B-127 quickly closed the distance and “gently” grabbed the dome, little thigns sliding to the back of the cage, still staring at him “IS this your opticks? Why are they not glowing? How are you small? Are you a sparkling? You are so cute! I am gonna call you Steve Two” he spun the cage, trying his best to get a better look at the little thing locked away and how to get you out the cage, jolting you around at the same time. It seemd like Elita knew he would come and locked it up tightly, taking the key with her, but no trouble he will just

“What are you doing?”

“AH” tossing the dome out of panic, B-127 scrambled to catch it, digits slipping while it was in air and the cage shuttering on impact, letting a yelp and covering his mouth. He did not mean for that to happen “B-127!!!”

“I did not mean to kill it!” Bee spun around, hands in air as angry Elita stormed in t the room, eyes on him and steam escaping with angry hiss “I just wanted to see them”

You yelled as the cage got tossed and big golden bot scrambling to catch you, like a child trying to catch tossed ball, but to your horror he did not and you plummeted down, glass shattering on impact and you hitting the gorund. You must be very lucky though as all you came out with was a few cuts, somehow surviving the fall, but it still hurt and knocked air out of lungs. Coughing your lungs out, trying to breath in, your ears rung like crazy, as if you were by explosion, roiling on stomach. You can not rest now, even if you wanted, you need to run, scrambling to your feet you ran, or tried to, stumbling and falling again and again, basicaly crawling under the huge table, hiding from the sight yet still able to see thing. The huge golden bot was clearly getting scolded by a big alien robot, who most likely was his mom or something like this, huge arms on hips and staring at young bot, chattering in strange robotic language and yellow one looking down, quite. Okay, good, you got kidnapped by baby bot and now the little one tries to convince the parent to keep you. Pink one even was letting steam out of the body, upset that yellow one broke the cage and bend down, piking up a few shard, scaning all over the place, clearly lookig for the lost specimen – you.

“Oh hell nah” you whispered, gripping in the table leg and darting behind, barely avoididng being seen. “Oh fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck” looking around for something to hide in that is to narrow for huge hands, you managed to spot a small crevasse in between wall, far away and risky if you do it now, yet the huge pink robot was closing on to your location, so you waited your options and darted out of the hiding, legs burning already but you pushed your self, laser focused on crevasse, ignoring a metallic noise, heavy footsteps an just in time managed to throw your self in to crack as huge metal fingers clasped around the empty space where you once were. Purely out of adrenaline, you pushed your self deeper, wedging in between walks and stared back out of the hole. The pink one was kneeling and starring at you with the most angry stare there was, light blue rings in dark blue ocean of light shifting almost every second. It grumbled what you can gues was disappointment that something small like you manged to get away, moving away and shoving metal hand in, fingers wriggling around, inches away from you, and there was no more space to shove your self away from, the tank already stuck and you are not getting out of suit, not because it was dangerous, but because you will get captured the second you will climb out of this bulky suit. The fingers went back, face returns, angry grumble, and again it is trying to reach for you.

What did you get your self in to?

[trappezoider]

Hi! You were the first Hogwarts Legacy fan artist I came across and I wanted to say how much I love your works 🥰

I recently saw an ask about which program you use to create your pieces which got me wondering... 👀 do you have any tips to share with aspiring digital artists trying to learn how to properly add shading/lighting?? I'm happy with my pieces during the flat colour stage, but every time I attempt shading/lighting or other methods of adding texture/definition/perspective, it always looks "off" to me 🤔 so my WIP folder is huge rn.

Thank you in advance for any advice you're willing to share 🙏😊

Hiya there!! Thank you so much for this ask!! First of all, I gotta say how wonderful it is that you're excited about art and want to learn more about it. I just had a chat with a friend about this but I think art is such a fun, vast hobby, full of endless possibilities, and whenever people want to get into it and learn, it's just wahhhhh. Fills my heart with joy and makes me bounce :D Now, full disclaimer, I am not an art teacher so my say on the matter is not that of a professional. I struggle with these things myself as well but I'm really happy if any of my advice can help a fellow artist. Keep in mind that works for me might not work for you, and "good art" is highly subjective. But I understand that achieving that fine balance between knowing how to imitate life and then being able to recreate that imagine in your head on an empty canvas is something a lot of artists want. That's hard af though. But you can't have success without failure, that's why we have so many WIPS xD Lucky for us, our brains and hands are amazing at learning. Eventually those WIPS might become actual realised works. Crying, praying and manifesting for us both xDDD Now, if you're struggling with shading and lighting, I suggest doing value studies. Perhaps take black and white photos with a striking relationship between shadow and light, then try to replicate that without colour picking. Try to observe the whole picture, without paying too much attention to the details at first, Make your brush strokes large especially when sketching out the initial shapes. You can give yourself a time limit of say, 5-60 minutes, for each study, but I wouldn't go over a 1,5h hour limit. I recommend using fairly simple images, with less textures and where shapes are the main character so to speak. Then when you think you're ready, you can do the same thing but this time choose coloured images but still use only white/black. Excercises like these help me a ton when I feel like I wanna update my skills. Doing art is a never-ending learning curve but I feel like that's what makes it so stimulating hehe Below is an example of one value study I did recently. I don't do these often but I know I probably should xD I always just do colour studies nowdays cause that's something I'm most interested in observing at the moment :D But this is just an example of what you can do if you want to learn shading in particular. Now it doesn't need to be perfect, it's just practice that may help you get used to values and how they interact with each other on the canvas.

You can also do colour studies if that is something you're interested in. Those might be a bit more challenging but as long as you keep each study short and use simple images (like literally just an image of an egg on a table or something xD), it shouldn't be too intimidating. Sorry for such a long reply xD I hope you have lots of fun and get all the possible enjoyment from making art! So happy for you!!! Wishing you all the motivation, success and inspiration in the world!!!

[redcamellia13]

Mitsukou Analysis: Omen Arc

Okay! My last bit of sunshine before plunging into the depths of misery. *annoyingly cracks knuckles* Let’s get to it <3

Why does Mitsuba bully Kou? Like many things in life, the answer is never simple. Which also means it isn’t gonna be simple to explain. (Haaahhhh, my fingers are gonna hurt so. Bad. After. This.)

I believe it’s a combination between two factors: a want to be close to Kou, which is a task he accomplished through pranking him, making it necessary for Kou to track him down, and it simply being a part of his personality.

Kou brings out a teasing, cutely annoying facet of Mitsuba, so Mitsuba stealing the sign letter might just be his playfulness manifesting itself.

This reminds me a bit of when Kou commented during the PP arc about how supernaturals were “weirdly practical about this sort of thing.” Kind of like they don’t want to get their hopes up.

However! Mitsuba… kinda has a point. I’m not quite sure whether Kou understands this, that he can’t stay with Mitsuba for as long as he would like.

Kou has, not exactly a child like innocence, but a sincere belief that anything can be achievable if you just work hard enough.

This analysis of Kou’s behavior has little basis in reality, but if you add it into the larger context of the series, it’ll make small inconsistencies in his personality make sense, and for whatever reason, it just… feels right within his character.

For example, in the Sacrifice of the Grim Reaper Arc, either Yokoo or Satou (sorry, I can’t remember which) noted that Kou never complained, which wasn’t due to bottling his feelings up, but not understanding the concept of whining.

At first glance, this has nothing to do with my point, but hear me out here.

Perhaps Kou believes, on a subconscious level, that because no matter how hard he works nothing gets better, something is wrong with him and he doesn’t have the right to complain.

I’m 99% sure I’m self-projecting, but if I find any more evidence supporting this, it’ll become quite interesting to think about.

Ughhhhhhh. You’re telling me the answer to why Mitsuba pranks Kou was here the whole time? I reallllllyyyy should’ve reread all these panels before typing that whole lame-ass essay.

Pushing that aside.. “No matter what I do… I just can’t bring myself to dislike him.”

Okay, I’m kind of stupid, and still don’t completely understand why Nene wondered if that was why he spent time pulling pranks on Kou. Is it because he’s trying to combat his enjoyment of Kou’s personality?

Maybe my original thoughts were correct, and Mitsuba pranks Kou as an excuse to interact with him?

And- let’s just pause for a moment. Is it just me, or is that quote a tad bit romantic? If you cannot dislike a person, that implies you like them unconditionally, which sounds a whole lot like you have a crush on them.

I don’t have much to say here, except for the fact that immediately after mentioning how it is impossible for Mitsuba to not enjoy being around Kou, we transition to Mitsuba asking Nene if she’s scared of falling too deeply in love with Hanako.

Almost like when you bring up Kou, Mitsuba’s mind automatically thinks of falling in love…

Well, how nice. He went from a perverted stalker enchanted by Mitsuba’s good looks to a “closet psychopath”. What an improvement.

And yeah, Kou’s actions during the Nightlife arc really weren’t logical, or something a sane person would do.

I believe I touched on this during my Nightlife analysis, but in summary, Kou’s decision to have a competition to see if he would basically assist Mitsuba in suicide based around a skill that not even Kou himself thinks he’s good at.

Actually, I might make a longer analysis on this, so let me know if you would like to read it :)

Right in the panel below, Mitsuba does get the answer to Kou’s question.

He’s mad because he ran off to eat ice cream after he caused a huge inconvenience to Kou…

And this does logically make sense.

But the way Aidairo chose to present Kou’s reaction to Mitsuba telling him this has a sense of intent to it, as Kou and Hanako’s faces parallel each other.

Why is this important? Since Hanako has a reaction that implies jealousy, something the reader can clearly infer, Aidairo paralleling his reaction is very telling.

If we are supposed to draw the conclusion Hanako is jealous, what conclusion are we supposed to draw about Kou?

And then, on Mitsuba’s side of the interaction, he’s either trying to make Kou jealous or Hanako jealous by framing he and Nene’s shopping trip together as a date.

Because he was talking to Hanako when he said this, the intent of this sentence was most likely the latter.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Kou, isn’t it a bit hypocritical to get angry at Mitsuba for trying to get you alone with Nene when you just tried to go out on a date with Hanako? (Rejoice, Hanakou shippers).

Although we don’t actually know when he wanted to do this, so I guess it can be forgiven.

Okay, what have we got he-

………..

I’ve got my work cut out for me, don’t I?

Starting off with Kou’s expression in the 6th panel: it’s a mix between shocked, perhaps fear, but certainly not happy.

Which is odd, no? We have been lead to believe Kou has something of a small, innocent crush on Nene, so a negative reaction to his friend wanting to set him up with her is anomalous.

In the very next panel, which I didn’t include for some reason, he tells Mitsuba, “Didn’t you get the memo? All four of us are going,” with what I can only describe as a salty expression.

Now, for Mitsuba. I gotta break the news Mitsukou shippers, it is not looking good for his side of the relationship (in a does he like him sense).

If he was some form of displeased of how Kou’s friends were shipping him with Nene, he certainly isn’t showing it, even asking if he would like to go on a date with her.

And this, toxic people on the internet who believe Mitsukou’s unhealthy because they “don’t care about each other’s wellbeing”, is why you are flat. Out. Wrong.

Mitsuba is actively attempting to make Kou happy by giving him an opportunity to date a girl he thinks Kou has a crush on. (Of course, Kou rejects the proposition two seconds later, but I already talked about that).

Not much to talk about here, besides the way Mitsuba and Kou are looking at Sousuke’s mother.

What is with that? Kou doesn’t dislike her, so why would he have an expression that’s honestly closer to disgust than anything else.

And then for Mitsuba, who has never shown any sort of discomfort or dislike for things related to Sousuke, it doesn’t make sense for him to have the same disgusted/nervous/uncomfortable look that Kou has, so what the hell is going on?

Why not? Why aren’t you sure about this? Is he worried being with Sousuke’s mom is going to bring up painful memories, or is he more concerned about Mitsuba pulling a prank on her?

So many questions, and yet so little answers…! (Although I’m sure if I just properly thought about it for 0.048 seconds the answer would be ridiculously simple, but my body is functioning on solely highly caffeinated tea and copious amounts of sugar.)

[ankababy]

Hey :)

I have been reading your replies to others both on chapters and privately.

You seem to have a good idea of story progression/points you want to have happen mapped out.

I'm just curious if you have a rough idea of how long/how many chapters you anticipate this story to be overall?

Like I said I'm not used to slow burns but I'm loving this soo much! So was just wondering how slow, if you had an idea lol

Like will it be chapter 20 to meet someone outside the trio (like beach/arisu to see how that changes the dynamic) or like chapter 50?

I'll be defo reading through all of them either way (I'm hooked) but I was curious of your thought process/writing plans :)

Hope you don't mind me asking ❤️

I counted this and things will get interesting soon. For an example, in the next chapter big things will happen, but there’s only one problem, and that’s the limit. Most of the time I only finish a part because I reached the limit for writing. I think it’s called block limit? No idea, the point is that I would LOVE to put more events in the parts, it’s just that there’s a limit that I reach almost every time.

I’d guess—GUESS—that by chapter 20, they’ll arrive to the beach, or at least be on the way. I repeat, GUESS, it all depends on how I pace the chapters, do I get carried away, when do I reach the limit, etc.

No idea how long the series will be in general. If we put this together, about into 20 chapters will be the beach, a few more being there, Arisu and Usagi arriving, witch hunt, after witch hunt, still undecided if Niragi burns or not, bla bla bla, it’s a LOT.

A little spoiler, actual romance is not far. It’s close actually.

Thank you a lot and I don’t mind any questions! It actually feels so good, getting all this support over something small that I only published because I guessed a few people would like it. I can’t even express how grateful I am for y’all. I wish I could, like give a big smooch on everyone’s little cheeks, but all I can do is say thank you and mean it.

Love y’all!!❤️❤️

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Y'all because joy is an act of resistance and so, apparently, is doing science while being a woman...

I AM SO HAPPY. I recently just got over a couple weeks of back to back illnesses, BUT had the delightful combination of recovering just in time for Fool's Spring (the fakeout unseasonably sunny/warm days in the PNW before the final boss music of winter starts playing) (it gives us a stamina boost to get through the rest of it before real spring), AND getting my first ever telescope in.

So I set it up last night and tonight. No idea what I'm doing because all of my research means nothing until I get my hands on the thing. Last night couldn't use my 9mm lens piece for shit, but I used the 30mm to find some pretty jaw-dropping things.

TONIGHT THOUGH??? TONIGHT???? Let my 5yo stay up late. We saw everything on my list (which wasn't a LOT being an absolute beginner using my telescope in my backyard in a city without really any idea what I'm doing,,,, but still wonderful). I'm especially proud to say I got some good use out of the 9mm which last night I couldn't even focus to see ANYTHING. My list:

Pleiades ✅

Orion nebula ✅✅✅

Jupiter and moons ✅✅✅✅✅✅

JUPITER IN ENOUGH DETAIL TO SEE THE FUCKING BANDS ON THE PLANET AND HOLY SHIT IT'S A REAL FUCKING PLANET OUT IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅

BONUS OBJECTS?!

Saw Venus ✅✅ -- easy to spot, obv, bright as fuck, BUT I DID NOT KNOW that it has PHASES????????!!!!! I actually wasn't trying to look at it very closely because I was like "yeah it's gonna be a bright as fuck dot probably but let's focus on it and adjust the scope/lens piece to help me find stuff later tonight" and it was A HALF MOON SHAPE?!?!!!;;??!:_#$+(; I DIDN'T KNOW THAT????? WHY IS IT LIKE THAT?????? WHAT IS IT DOING??????? IT. HAS. PHASES. IT IS A ROCK OUT IN SPACE. I'M ON A ROCK OUT IN SPACE. WE'RE TWO ROCKS OUT IN SPACE DOING SPACE SHIT AND STUFF OUT HERE AND WHAT THE FUCK! Apparently it's one of the only planets besides Mercury that has phases?!?!!

Y'ALL I OBSERVED A THING AND LEARNED A THING I DIDN'T PREVIOUSLY KNOW ABOUT OUR SOLAR SYSTEM AND I LOVE THE SOLAR SYSTEM AND IT FEELS LIKE I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THIS ALREADY BUT I DIDN'T AND LIKE I DID REAL ACTUAL PERSONAL SCIENCE! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

And like almost by ACCIDENT -- but like accidentally on purpose, like I was TRYING TO do this but didn't expect it to actually work -- I saw ANDROMEDA ✅✅✅. Y'ALL THE GASP I GUSPED! Like, let's level set here -- it was a faint grey smudge in my lens piece. BUT IT WAS MY GREY SMUDGE, AND I KNEW THAT OUT THERE THAT GREY SMUDGE -- THAT I WAS LOOKING AT WITH MY OWN TWO HUMAN EYEBALLS (not through a screen but by way of a couple mirrors bouncing the photons DIRECTLY FROM THIS GALAXY STRAIGHT INTO MY EYEBALLS) -- WAS A WHOLE ASS ENTIRE GALAXY JUST LIKE OURS. And I FOUND it, like some kinda special rock in a great big giant lakes full of other rocks!!! Y'all I died.

And my 5yo?!?! Among the things she said tonight were: "Mom!!! This is great!!! I love you so much!!!" and "WOW, this is so cool, mom you're AMAZING!!!" and "Oh god DAMN!" (About Jupiter) (Yes same girl) -- but also these words she has NEVER BEFORE IN HER LIFE UTTERED: "Mom, I think I want to go inside and go to bed -- I'm really tired." NEVER HAS SHE EVER.

Absolutely incredible on everything all around. I have so many feelings and I don't even feel like I saw all that much yet. Saturn apparently is fantastic around my birthday later this year. I'm hoping so incredibly much that the weather cooperates for the lunar eclipse in a couple weeks, goodness I'd LOVE to get in on the show for that one. That's something super easy my daughter and I can explore together.

Anyway, FUCK THE PATRIARCHY. Fuck the current state of politics launching an assault on women, diversity, and science. Love science for us. Can't wait to explore some more and make some core lifelong memories. My back hurts like hell bc it's totally fucked up in general but it's totally worth it to see all the things.

[silence-ofthe-llamas]

Hot Spot time! More Mech AU-AU. TexAid with typical TexAid shenanigans.

Sorry it took a bit, I've been in too much pain to do much and work was HELLAAA busy.

The worst thing about the apocalypse wasn’t even the apocalypse, it was the collapse of supply lines. It was the shift of daily life, the sudden halt to expectations.

Even in the early days, when he was still young, he could expect the shop to be reasonably well stocked. He could expect his trains and his buses to have minimal delays. Fresh fruit and vegetables were still something obtainable. While large supply ships and jets were rare and expensive - they were prime targets for any attack and their mechs often couldn’t protect them - they were still connected by trains and underground tunnels. The quintessons couldn’t get there.

But that didn’t mean they’d supply everything on these trains, as he’d come to learn.

He’d always thought that being on a mech base would guarantee these things for him, but no. He hadn’t had good fucking custard in years - and not that shit that came from powder, or someone whipping together eggs and milk. He didn’t want that. He wanted the thick, horrendously artificial stuff that came out a carton. He wanted to slurp it from the can. He wanted to go at it with a spoon and raw abandon. What didn’t they get about that? The cravings intensified as the temperature dropped, and it was starting to frost in the mornings.

But when there was only so much space on these trains, when there were only so many of them, shitty pre-made custard wasn’t a priority.

He pouted in Vortex’s cockpit as he absently poked at his sponge cake. He knew how good it was with the vanilla-flavoured stuff, the way it soaked into the cake, the warming sensation of it.

[SOMETHING WRONG?]

“I guess I’m feeling nostalgic.”

His breath fogged around him like dragons breath, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. It was starting to get cold - maybe it would snow soon? He hoped it would. He always liked the snow. His head throbbed underneath his knitted beanie, the injury he’d sustained in the last drop angrily protesting to the sudden drop in temperature as he went outside. A long gash from where he’d whacked his head after Vortex had taken a turn too harshly. He’d been very apologetic, but it was hard to take seriously when he was laughing so hard. So, he was being grumpy with him as he trotted off of base and out of view of the cameras he so loved to watch him on.

The bonus of a head injury meant that he was given four days minimum off of piloting, barring any life-or-death emergencies - it would cause him more harm than any good he’d make by hopping into his mech, and he was going to enjoy his time off thoroughly.

Namely, in seeing some old friends.

“Hey, Aid!” A wide grin and a big wave. Hot Spot stood by his car, looking just like he had the last time he’d seen him.

First Aid wondered if he looked any different.

“Hot Spot!” He ran over to him, jumping up to hug him. The taller man hugged him back, and First Aid melted into it. Hugs from his old team lead always felt like a warm mug of soup and a thick blanket. Perfect for cold days like these.

“Come on, get in, you’re freezing!” He fretted, opening the door and ushering him in. First Aid hopped up into the front seat, melting into the seat warmers. “Let’s go get coffee.”

It had been Blades who had reached out to him first. A comment about how he’d seen him on TV, that he hoped he was doing okay. First Aid had taken one look at the situation he was in and had decided that no. No, he was not okay, actually. He was… he was fine with it. The situation was bearable. Manageable. He’d make it work and he would thrive and come out the other side of it for better or for worse. He didn’t have any doubts about that. But to say he was okay?

No. No, he wasn’t. He’d completely lost control of his situation, it was entirely in the hands of a dead man and of people who didn’t see him past his identification number, and the dead man miraculously had more concern for him than his bosses did. Vortex didn’t even know how to pretend to be guilty. The higher ups always gave him that same apologetic smile and stock answer.

And it was Blades. He’d felt sick. Everything he’d been holding back and repressing came bubbling up and he’d had to quickly shove it back down again before he did something stupid, or cried. So, he’d given him a simple response that left no opening for continuing the conversation, and left it at that. They could return to the bizarre routine of Blades sending him mindless ten second clips that he’d ignore and First Aid accidentally sending him one that he would react to in seconds. He wasn’t ready for it to be anything else.

“How’s your head feeling?” Hot Spot asked as he turned into a drive through. First Aid thought of custard.

“Sore.” He admitted. “I didn’t think my helmet could even do that to me.”

“It seems like a bit of a design flaw.” Hot Spot frowned. “Just from turning too fast?”

“There is a lot of momentum in Vortex, he really goes for it.”

“Vortex?” He tried the name on his tongue. “That’s that really big one, right? Your mech?”

“My mech.”

“You’re going to have to tell me how you came to be a pilot.” He pulled up to the drive through window. “The usual?”

He’d forgotten what the usual was. He’d only been drinking long blacks lately.

“Please.”

It turned out the usual was a cappuccino with cinnamon lightly dusted on top. It tasted familiar and nostalgic and suddenly he was sat back in their dinky little room at the table with mis-matched chairs and the faint smell of burning. The light above them used to hum and flicker, and the radio would often dissolve into static. Now the only flickering lights and static came from Vortex.

“So. You’re a pilot now, huh?”

They were looking out over the harbour, watching the small ships come in. Small fishing vessels, small short-distance cargo ships. The ones that could hug close to the coast, hidden and undetected. Seagulls loudly cried as they circled them, anticipating scraps from their catch.

“Yeah.” He swirled his coffee in his hands to mix in the cinnamon. “I was a medic, I swear. I was assigned to Vortex then, too. Uh. Helping the pilots after drops.” He wouldn’t mention the fact they were often mangled and long dead by the time he got there, Hot Spot was sure to blow a gasket. And he definitely wouldn’t mention that it was a punishment. “His last pilot didn’t survive the drop, and the mech chose me to take their place. So yeah. Pilot.”

“The mech chose you?” He sounded incredulous. “I didn’t think it worked like that.”

“Vortex is a… special case. If he doesn’t like them, he won’t work.” He drummed his fingers on his cup. It had burned in the back of his mind ever since he first connected to Vortex. He knew he was real. That he was actually alive, that he wasn’t just a series of ones and zeros - that he had been a real human being with real experiences and memories. But would anyone else even believe it? Would anyone else see what was right in front of them? “Hey, this is going to sound totally nuts, but hear me out. I want to know if I’m going crazy. You know the mechs all have an AI, right? That acts as our copilot?”

“Yeah - based on human data, right? The best parts of humanity cherry picked.”

“Yeah, right.” First Aid nodded. “Completely artificial. Just based on interviews and footage and friends.” He was tapping his foot, heart thumping in his chest.

“What are you getting at?”

“Vortex isn’t a good person. There’s nothing righteous about him, he’s rude and he’s crass and he’s violent. If he’s supposed to be built from the best parts of humanity, why is he made of the worst? No, I don’t buy it - I don’t think Vortex is an AI. That he’s more human than they let on.”

“Wha- okay. Pause. From the top. Vortex is your mech, and it’s the name of the AI?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re saying that it’s not an AI?”

“I know it sounds crazy-“

“They wouldn’t do that! Imagine if they got caught - the fallout would be unimaginable. No, Aid, I think you’re getting too attached.” The again was silent but rang loud and clear. “You’re anthropomorphising them to justify the way you feel about them.”

He didn’t know what he was thinking. Why would he tell Hot Spot? Had he dragged him into this now? Why did he think Hot Spot would even believe him? Stupid. Stupid stupid - the whole thing was stupid. Fuck. He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, against the tightness and the raising heat of humiliation up the back of his neck.

“You’re right.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I think I’m panicking. I’m in way over my head.” He laughed, but he couldn’t sweeten it. It sounded bitter and dark. “Being connected to another conscience is… a lot. Hey.” He turned to his old team leader. “How are the others? 

Can you tell me about them?” He wanted to hop out of the car and sprint, to get away from the conversation as fast as he could, but he couldn’t, so he had to do the next best thing; swiftly move on.

“You sure you’re okay, Aid?”

“I’m fine, really. I’m just tired. Please?”

Hot Spot seemed uncertain, but slowly replied. “They’re fine. Great, even. It’s not the same without you though.”

“I miss you guys too. How’s Medix getting on? Last I heard they were a bit of a recluse.”

“Still no better, but he has the worst luck, honestly, so I don’t blame him for wanting some quiet. Blades is as rowdy as ever. Oh-!” He slammed his fist into his palm and wiggled his eyebrows at him conspiratorially. “Streetwise finally got himself a girlfriend.”

“Oh?” First Aid immediately perked up, leaning on the centre console. “Do go on.”

They’d gone to pick up dinner before Hot Spot dropped him back at base. What was supposed to be a short coffee had ended up being a whole day affair - Vortex was sure to be beside himself. As it was he already dreaded getting back in the pilots seat - he didn’t know how Vortex would react to him telling Hot Spot.

“Let me know when you’re home.” First Aid unbuckled his seatbelt. “And let me know how much I owe you.”

Hot Spot was looking at him weirdly. It was almost concern.

“Aid… how’d the last pilot die?”

He didn’t need to guess what he was talking about.

“Why? Worried?”

“Extremely. Whenever I see any of the mechs deployed I can’t help but think of you in that cockpit.”

“Vortex ate them.” First Aid replied.

“He ate them?” Hot Spot quietly asked.

“The cockpit is his face - the pilot sits in his mouth. I sit in his mouth. They came out mangled, as if they’d been chewed up.”

“Felix.” Hot Spots hand was warm on his. “If… if you ever need to go, if you ever feel like you aren’t safe, you call me, okay? I’ve got a spare bed. We all miss you a lot - I’m sure there won’t be any objections to you returning to the team, either.”

“Thank you, James.” He gently squeezed it. “I appreciate it. Really.”

He wouldn’t leave Vortex. He couldn’t. But it was comforting to know that he’d have somewhere safe to go to.

----------------------------------------------------------------

He should have been more afraid. They were in the midst of a drop, surrounded by friend and foe alike, when Vortex saw it. If he was more afraid, he’d have tried harder to obscure the memory, to suppress it. Unfortunately it was clear as day.

“I am.” The fingers shoved roughly into his brain and First Aid arched, limbs twitching as his vision went white. A strangled scream escaped him, bright red blood dribbling from his nose. “I exist therefore I am. Got it? Shit. You all disgust me. You think any of these fucks are good enough to make me? That they could have fathomed even a fraction of the pure fucking hatred I harbour for them? Fuck that. I’m an object of my own creation. Do not forget that, darling. I’m just as real as you are.” The fingers were slowly extracted, dragging across neurones and grey matter. “Wipe your nose before you make a mess. You worked so hard to clean me out.”

First Aid shuddered and gasped, neuron’s misfiring in his brain. His body twitched and he choked, shakily reaching up to touch under his nose. His hand came back red.

“Tex, I-“

[WIPE YOUR DAMN NOSE.] flashed insistently on the screen.

Now he wasn’t even speaking to him. Damn it.

He took a handkerchief from his thigh pocket and held it to his nose. He could feel Vortex twirling around as he sliced and diced his away through the field, could vaguely hear the radio chatter of nearby pilots and of Mission Control. Neon blue spurted up onto the visor every so often, thickly coating it.

“I should have asked you first.” His head throbbed and he could feel the strain in his lungs as he tried to breathe. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place.”

[SHUT THE FUCK UP] was punctuated with a sharp flick to his forehead.

First Aid’s jaw snapped shut. He grimaced, shrinking in on himself. The thought of disconnecting to really give him the silence he wanted flittered across his brain, but quickly scratched out - Mission Control would see it instantly. It would just cause them more trouble. So instead. He found a far corner of their shared conscience and curled up.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“You need to secure your mech more firmly.”

“What?”

First Aid had been collared by security on his way down to the training room. His heart was thudding in his chest, initially thinking that they’d caught onto him again, that they knew he held a medical kit in his bag, that he didn’t intend on getting any practice in that day, so their demand caught him off guard.

“It came loose from its dock and almost fell on a group of visitors.” They were scowling at him. “You’re very lucky it didn’t crush them.” They continued talking, mentioning that they weren’t suing, but he wasn’t really listening any more.

Who had Vortex tried to crush? He’d never done it before, he’d never wrenched himself hard enough to break free from the cage that contained him. It was strange, extremely unlike him, and had him on edge - was it a tantrum from what he’d spoken to Hot Spot about, or was he genuinely out for blood? Had he finally snapped?

He didn’t reply, simply turning on his heel and marching off towards Vortex. Who was still mad at him. Who had a high chance of, in the best case, ignoring him, and worst case, entombing him. He swallowed nervously and hoped he was feeling generous today.

On a visual inspection, he could see that the dock was heavily damaged from where Vortex had wrenched himself free. It was still sparking, bright lights showering down on the mechanics trying to fix it. Thick metal sheets hung by wires, and debris littered the floor of the hangar. Part of the walkway had been damaged, clear hand prints on the metal. Part of the walkway had buckled under his fingertips.

Vortex was in the opposite dock, and First Aid could tell he was straining against the additional restraints. The new dock creaked ominously and his visor flashed, hands twitching. His helm was turned slightly - not enough to be obvious, but enough to tell he was glowering at something. First Aid followed his line of sight to the command centre.

Swindle was stood at the glass speaking to someone. The stranger was the most frightening man he had ever seen, and he was staring right at him. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to run away and hide, to get himself somewhere where that man wasn’t.

He heard Vortex’s canopy unlock, the clunk of the deadbolt disengaging loud. He flinched, but didn’t turn to look at him.

He couldn’t look away from that terrifying man.

The sound was louder as Vortex pointedly slammed the lock back and forth, growing impatience evident.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” His voice wavered and he swallowed thickly. “You’ll break that lock, you know.”

The man next to Swindle didn’t look human, and he suddenly felt like he was about to be sick, fear and anxiety swirling in his chest and reaching up to strangle him. He was still looking at him. He hadn’t broken eye contact, even as Swindle was trying to lead him away.

He quickly went to Vortex, previous reservations thrown out the window. Screw it - whatever Vortex did to him was sure to be kinder.

“Can you open up?” He refused to take his eyes off the unsettling man. It felt as if he would suddenly appear behind him if he so much as blinked. “Please?” His voice was tight.

The canopy flung open and a maintenance hand flew out and grabbed him, tugging him in. First Aid yelped in terror, canopy loudly slamming back down and locking in place.

“Vortex- why do you even have that thing!”

[SURE TOOK YOUR FUCKING TIME]

First Aid realised he was shaking, and so was Vortex. A faint memory prodded at the back of his head, teasing him with flashes of sensations and feelings. Pure fear. Absolute hatred. Dirty white lab coats speckled with blood and viscera, and purple nitrile gloves.

“Is that the guy you almost crushed?” All of Vortex’s cameras were still trained onto him – not even the camera in the cockpit was studying First Aid as it usually did. No – it was twisted as far as it could go, focusing directly onto the man in the window. He had a smirk twisting his expression, pleased or delighted or pissed First Aid couldn’t tell, and he was finally letting Swindle pull him away.

[TREPAN]

[I WILL KILL HIM EVEN IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO]

“Who is he?” He felt his hands tremble harder, the pure hatred rolling from Vortex’s circuits making him feel weak and dizzy.

[CREATOR]

“He’s the one who put you in a mech?” He weakly asked.

[AND MORE]

“What’s he doing here?!” First Aid hissed. “He’s terrifying!!”

[DO NOT LET HIM NEAR YOU]

[HE’S LOOKING AT YOU LIKE HE USED TO LOOK AT ME]

[YOU ARE MINE AND I WILL NOT LET HIM TAKE YOU]

First Aid gripped tightly onto the pilots chair as if he were trying to hide behind it. The maintenance arm wrapped around him tighter, digging into his skin and leaving behind a mark.

[chaosduckies]

Friends in Small Places (6)

Long story short: hit a writing block, had trouble editing, school, but we're so back and I'm excited to write all of the ideas that I've been thinking about for forever! (and thank you to the people who gave me so many ideas for future chapters and scenes) Oh man I love writing size shifter stories. So anyways I hope you enjoy this very short chapter!

Word count: 2.5k

CW: None!

It was safe to say that things were slowly getting back to normal. Things weren’t as chaotic anymore. I was allowed to keep on seeing Cas, and I did every day after my classes. He seemed to like the company even if we never really did anything. 

I was still working on getting permission to at least let him see his parents. It wasn’t exactly going so well if I were being honest. Anytime I mentioned it they said that the idea was absurd. I tried asking several of the nurses what it would take to get his parents or someone he knows down here... They said that as long as he was still unstable then he wasn’t allowed to see anyone. But I didn’t understand. Cas seemed perfectly fine. That entire situation two weeks ago was a big thing but he’s doing so much better now! If anything he’s somehow even more cautious about his movements. I don’t understand why they don’t just let him have one nice thing. 

Even if Cas wasn’t able to have any other visitors besides me and a few nurses and doctors, I managed to get them to agree to another therapist coming in for a few days. Ryan had asked me tons of questions about what was going on, and I had to answer all of them. Of course, being the great friend that he is, he offered to help out by trying to get Cas either out of there or get his brother to come. Either one would be great, and since he’s older and more experienced they might listen to him more than me. 

After classes, Ryan said he had to go check up on his partner before we left.  I asked why he didn’t have to stay with her all the time, and he just explained that she was doing so much better under his care that they were already about to get him a new “patient”. If I were being honest I envied him. He was so much better at this than I was, and he gets along with pretty much everyone. I wondered why I couldn’t, but that was an obvious answer.

I hadn’t expected any of this to happen while watching over Cas. I mean I thought I was doing a good job up until the incident, but to be fair there wasn’t much I could do in that situation other than just try and calm him down after they lied to him. I would be upset if I wasn’t allowed to see my parents anymore and they kept me pretty much isolated for the entirety of my life. Who wouldn’t be? Cas has apologized more times than I count for “making things harder” for me. One it wasn’t his fault, and two, he’s so careful and gentle there was no way he’d make things harder for me. Of course, initially, I had thought it would be impossible to even do something like this, but I’m learning a lot about this broken world we live in.

Ryan came back a few minutes later, ecstatic as always. Of course he wasn’t scared. Why would he be? He was a shifter too. Hopefully the two will get along, I already told Cas that I might be bringing a friend sometime this week, so there weren’t any huge surprises. I just had to hang onto hope that nothing bad would happen. 

“You said he’s really anxious a lot of the time right?” He asked me as we walked along the sidewalk to the huge hospital building. 

“Yeah, it’s mostly him worrying about hurting me, or really anyone in the room with him.” He nodded his head, seemingly excited about this. It was almost like he had a plan. Maybe the same thing he did with his partner? Well.. maybe a little different since his partner shrinks. Meanwhile, mine is a literal skyscraper. 

  The awkward silence stretched on between us, but that was quickly put an end to, “Hey Liam, about that incident, you said that no one tried helping him at first? Just straight lockdown?” Ryan looked a little uneasy, but I had to nod my head. I had wondered why he asked the question, but I wasn’t going to question him. But it was a little strange why he was so troubled. For as long as I’ve known him he was the kind of person that hasn’t been afraid, so it was making me worry a little. What was he scared of? 

“Ah well, I’m glad to at least help! I can’t wait to meet him either.” The nervous look on his face disappeared almost as fast as it came. Another reason why I was jealous of him. It’s like he could just brush off any inconvenience, any tiny little negative thought he’s ever had in just an instant. Though, I guess that’s what makes him such an amazing friend. 

“Yeah, he’s extremely nice. Fun to be around.” I smiled. I wasn’t lying either. He was the nicest person I’ve met, and that’s saying something. After a while, you get used to being around someone who’s much bigger than you, and then you realize they’re more scared of themselves than you are of them… I took a deep breath, finally making it onto the ground of the hospital. 

Ryan has never been here before, so I had to help him get through checking in, and of course any new people that aren’t related to or working with Cas have to do a deep and thorough search for whatever reason. Ryan kept on joking about all of the safety measures he had to go through, even making him take off his hoodie. Seriously, what were they even looking for? I didn’t have to go through as many of the checks since I come every day and actually have a connection with Cas. 

After about ten minutes of finally getting Ryan to be able to come in the room with me, we were finally walking down the huge hallway as the nurse led us. We reached the door, the nurse opened it and gave us both a smile. Well, here's to hoping Cas isn’t too spooked by Ryan. I mean I did warn him. 

I walked in front of Ryan, slowly walking in, and seeing Cas finish one of the books that were on the bookshelf. When the door slammed behind us, he looked up and lightly smiled, eyes trailing behind me and I could tell that his nerves shot up almost immediately. Especially when he fumbled while trying to place his book on the ground, instead landing with a loud thud. It made my anxiousness get the better of me before I brushed it off and stopped in front of them. 

“Uh, remember when I told you that I’d be bringing a friend here? Well, this is Ryan.” I introduced them, watching Ryan confidently walk a little ahead of me. 

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you. Casper, right?” Cas stared, almost like he was shocked at how confident they were. 

“H-hi. You can c-call me Cas.” His eyes darted to me, as if asking what he should do, but not even I had an idea. If I were being honest I was just going to let Ryan figure these things out. Usually Cas and I just played a few board games even when the pieces were as big as I was, or watched whatever movies he was allowed, which weren’t that many. I know it doesn’t sound like much but if I were being honest it seemed to be helping a lot with his confidence. It helps me get used to it too. He still seemed a little scared to move sometimes though, even if he doesn’t admit it. 

“Well Cas, we’re gonna get you out of here once and for all!” Ryan claimed. Cas looked at me, a little shocked at the outburst but gave his best nervous smile he could manage. I didn’t know what Ryan had planned but I trusted that he would make the smart decisions. I know Cas gets a little scared of new things, especially with these new pills they have him on. Paroxetine? I could tell that it was a strong one. I guess they added whatever makes him hurt so much in it because every time he takes it I notice how he cringes at any movement he makes or how shaky his hands get. I want his pain tolerance, but I don’t want to get it like how he did. It was inhumane and didn’t even seem to be helping him control his height. 

“Uh hey, you won’t be doing anything too much right?” I whispered. 

“Yeah don’t worry I’m not gonna do much. You know me.” He smiled. I did know how he worked, and it always seemed to work no matter the person. It was kind of pathetic of me that I needed so much help, but I was doing this so Cas could have a real life instead of being cooped up in a house without being able to see his parents. I felt so bad, and if this was the one time I could do something worthwhile well then I’d do what I could. 

I walked over to Cas, sitting by him to let Ryan do his thing. I just had to watch as Ryan sat and played 20 questions, asking questions about each other. It really kind of seemed like they were getting along a lot faster than Cas and I did. Maybe that was because they could both kind of relate, and Ryan was a lot more of a people person than I was. This was a good thing though. Things would move along faster and we could get Cas out of here and able to see his family again. Now I just had to figure out how I was going to repay Ryan for helping me out. I wasn’t so confident that I would’ve been able to do this on my own, even if Cas and I were getting really close. 

At some point I think I fell asleep, and when I woke up it was getting late. I groaned, sitting up and yawning. One look around and I realized that I was still in Cas’s room, even in the same place. 

“Mmm… Cas?” I rubbed my eyes before catching his hand in the corner of my vision. I whipped my head around, seeing that he had a book in hand as usual. 

“You’re up?” He quietly whispered, his attention focused on me now. 

“Yeah. Where’d Ryan go?” I lazily stood up, searching around and not seeing him anywhere. 

“Oh uh, he left a while ago. He didn’t want to wake you up.” He laughed softly, wincing when he thought he was speaking too loudly. Guess I’d have to talk to Ryan tomorrow or something. Just to see what he thinks I should do. I trusted his judgment more than I trusted mine. 

“How’d it go? Sorry I fell asleep.” I asked, stretching a little bit and packing a few things up. I knew that the nurses would come in eventually and force me out, but I’d just like to use whatever time I had left to check up on him. 

“N-no. You’re all good,” He started, nervously smiling, “Um, he was nice. I liked him. I’m glad you’re trying to help me get out of here, but I don’t think that they’ll let me.” He sighed sadly, eyeing the cast around my leg and cringing. I looked down, sucking in a deep breath. 

“Could you help me up, please?” His eyes widened, hesitantly lowering his hand by me. I struggled to get on without moving my cast around too much but managed before holding me above his knees. I could tell he was nervous, maybe even a little scared but this wasn’t the first time I’ve been in his hands and I trusted that he wouldn’t drop me. 

“Well, I think they’ll let you out of here. They’re just being stubborn.” I shrugged my shoulders. I think it was ignorant that they wouldn’t let him out of here already. To me, he’s doing a lot better than when I first met him. 

“¿De verdad lo crees? You really think so?” His tone was sad like he was just losing hope of getting out of here at all. Well, if I just left him here alone I would’ve never lived with myself. That would just be too harsh. Plus, I like to think that we were friends. I mean, we hang out pretty much every day unless I had schoolwork to catch up on. Why would I want to leave him here alone in the first place? 

“Why wouldn’t I? Someone as nice and nervous as you shouldn’t have to be watched over.” We both laughed. 

“Nervous? What? I’m not nervous.” 

“I can literally feel your hand shaking right now.” I joked, getting a soft laugh out of him. He looked away for a moment, the silence stretching between us. 

“Liam, tha-” 

Cas went quiet whenever we heard the door slam open, a nurse walking in. For some odd reason, they just looked a little troubled with something but motioned for me to go. I sighed as Cas lowered me back down, watching carefully as I climbed down and walked towards the door, the nurse eyeing my crutches the entire way.

“See you tomorrow!” I waved bye to him, getting a tiny wave in return before the nurse closed the door behind me. She escorted me out, but instead of towards the exit, it was towards another room I’d never been to before. I was about to question her before she walked into the room, grabbing a piece of paper and sighing, a nervous look on her face. 

“I have no idea if I’m making the right decision, but don’t make me regret it.” She sighed, signing what looked to be a ton of important information, but what caught my eye was the bold print at the top. Allowance of family members. My eyes widened in shock, my heartbeat growing faster from excitement. I… did it? Was she letting him see his family? 

“This paper allows Casper to see one family member for one day. The professionals cannot know about this, but… I do believe that after hearing from you two earlier that he should be allowed this. So, here you go.” She handed me the paper and pen, with only one more place to sign to officiate that we were allowing this. I quickly grabbed the pen and signed, not even hesitating for one moment, “Thank you! I don’t know what to say!” I smiled, hugging the nurse. She sighed, hugging me back and telling me that I could go back to tell Cas. 

I was surprised that I didn’t trip on my way there out of excitement, and when I opened the door I couldn’t hold in my excitement for him. 

“Cas! How would you like to see your brother tomorrow?” I smiled, seeing the shock and surprise in his eyes, and it was priceless.  ——————

TAKE THAT WRITING BLOCK!!! Oh man I can’t wait to continue writing this. And so sorry for it being like five months since I’ve actually updated this but WE’RE BACK!!! Thanks for reading! :D

Taglist: @da3dm @smolboiremy @box-beanz

(if you would like to be added or removed from the taglist please let me know!)

[peppersalicate]

Happy anniversary, Lorax fandom! 🎉

Seussian season has just begun and it's time to celebrate the 13th anniversary of The Lorax. It doesn't matter if you left it behind or continue in this, this community welcomes many people to this day and continues to have devoted followers, even from many years ago. His story is a fairly broad topic and in my own words: Fascinating. Its genesis being Tumblr itself. And although we are often associated with things that do not reflect well on the fandom or being closely linked to the cringe culture, there are many good things to highlight about this entire community. And to tell the truth, I have a lot of hope that it will continue to stay afloat for many more years in the future. Mainly because the plot and characters are ridiculously attractive to people of different ages, in addition to the movie itself having more questions than answers or discarded ideas that offer the perfect target for the audience's timeless interest. It is not surprising that we are still here after 13 years.

No, I'm not going to go into more detail for now, but yes, this is a love letter to The Lorax fandom. I have met very good friends here, had wonderful experiences and that is why I believe that on a day like this is a good time to value all that. I really love THIS fandom. :"3

Have fun and enjoy! Happy anniversary, dear fandom!

[ingravinoveritas]

Earlier this year, a new blog was started here on Tumblr with the aim and intention of harassing a group of fans in the GO fandom. I previously made a post addressing this, as I was the initial target of this blog (whose original handle was a dupe of my own Tumblr handle).

I had hoped not to have a reason to revisit this particular subject, but given recent disturbing comments made by both this blog and its followers, and a post written by @nightgoodomens describing the situation from their perspective, I feel compelled to make a post of my own, to talk about what I have experienced and continue to experience at the hands of these individuals.

By now, some of you may be familiar with the blog in question. In my prior post, I did not mention this blog's name publicly, and I have no intention of doing so at this time, either. Yet I think it's important to be clear about what this blog's specific intentions were, which were made evident by its original creator on Twitter at the end of May:

It was only a few days after writing this tweet that the author did exactly this, and created this main blog. I feel that this has somehow become obscured over time, as given the negative response that this blog's initial posts engendered, the original creator apparently retired from the blog and gave the reins to someone else, and the blog's focus soon pivoted to defending Georgia and Anna. Prior to this, however, the blog began publishing Anons attacking me, including one that seemed to be threatening to doxx me:

What particularly perplexed me was seeing a gradual distortion of my own words and writing here on Tumblr, as well as people buying into it so readily. I also noticed one particular blog that became friendly with this main blog--they've changed handles a number of times, but at the time they were known as michaelsheendaily (then michaelsheensource, then thesheenantbergs). For months prior, they talked specifically about how awful the things I/others were saying about Georgia and Anna, and then seemingly joined forces with this main blog.

…Yet one year ago this very month, that same person (michaelsheendaily/thesheenantbergs) felt similarly to many of us and had sent me an Ask wanting to know if I thought Anna was being abusive to Michael. This Ask was sent from their (at the time, now deleted) main blog, but they helpfully DMed me from michaelsheendaily to make sure I had seen their question:

I answered this question (as I try to do with every Ask/Anon I get) straightforwardly and honestly, and firmly said "No" in response, as well as how serious it is to accuse someone of abuse, and that it is not up to any of us to try and break up a relationship, as Michael has people he can turn to if he needs to do so. I have also previously defended Georgia on my blog (and provided rationales and examples for why my perspective has gradually shifted over time), but it seems that the people harassing me have conveniently chosen to ignore all of this/have never looked at my blog beyond a cursory glance.

As this main blog continued its posting, and despite having Anons turned off, I began to receive a number of hateful Asks, which culminated with another blog suddenly coming into being about a month after these initial incidents. This blog claimed to be Michael Sheen (using a handle of his from Facebook), and published this despicably homophobic and noticeably un-Michael-like post:

The aforementioned main blog immediately drew attention to this post, and claimed that they had "proof" of this being the real Michael:

It soon became apparent that this blog was a fake, and despite its prior insistence that it could possibly be him, the main blog backtracked quickly as more people pointed out how obviously this was not Michael. Yet even the notion that someone would think this was acceptable--to pretend to be Michael, to (poorly) attempt an approximation of his writing style, all for the sake of attacking one person, and despite the fact that we know Michael already has a Tumblr that he hasn’t posted on in years--is just absurd beyond words.

But clearly this ill-conceived post inspired others, as only a week after this post appeared (and subsequently disappeared, along with the blog itself), I received an Ask from yet another recently-created blog of someone claiming to know Michael personally, saying that he would "destroy" me:

Which brings me to the present day, and how these themes have presented themselves yet again, in an even more unpleasant fashion.

Over the last four months, this main blog and its followers have continued to obsessively read my blog (despite how very easy it would be to simply block me) and screenshotted my posts in order to add their own vile commentary. I have not wanted to draw attention to any of this, but one particular instance has now made me change my mind.

I've recently talked on my blog about my upcoming trip to London, where I will be seeing David in Macbeth. A few days ago, it was brought to my attention that the main blog screenshotted one of my posts--which was a reblog of a video of David with Jodie Whittaker--along with my tags talking about the way David was sitting. One of the blog's followers commented this in response, and subsequently received a reply from the OP:

The "daggers" commenter currently runs several blogs dedicated to worshiping/defending Georgia and Anna (at least one of which is run in tandem with the original creator of the main blog). Numerous accusations have been levied at me and others from these blogs, one of the most outrageous of which is homophobia...yet this is their response to me simply saying David might not be 100% straight, and which eerily echoes the tone of the post from "Michael" three months ago. And while there are a lot of things about the last few months that have rankled me, nothing does so more than the hypocrisy I have witnessed, such as this.

The thing is, though, that when I saw these comments, all I could honestly think of was how sad I felt.

Because here I am, just days away from going on my trip--a trip I have been so anxiously awaiting, that is my first non-work trip in a very, very long time--and now the thought of, "Could someone try to attack me?" has crossed my mind. Yet my sadness is less for myself and more for the person who thinks it is acceptable to wish or even encourage violence against another human being. My sadness is that this person feels so unsafe or discontent in their own life--a feeling I know all too well--that their chosen course of action is to make someone else feel unsafe. To assuage their own sense of powerlessness by going after someone they perceive as having power.

My sadness is at these people being so sure that the celebrities they are a fan of would agree with them, yet needing/wanting those people to act in a way that aligns with who they want Michael and David to be, rather than who they actually are. I know that the Michael and David I became a fan of are two of the kindest, most intelligent, warmest men you could imagine, and that there is no part of me that wants or needs them to scream at or dislike the same people I do for the sake of my own self-serving purposes.

To that end, I have also been distressed by the apparent frenzy that was recently generated in the form of a "rallying cry" against myself and others in this group of fans facing ongoing harassment. But what I've tended to see as a response to said frenzy is some variation of, "People are saying these terrible things. I haven't actually seen any of these posts/comments, but it must be terrible, so I'll block this person/people." I am no stranger to fandom chatter/gossip, but every time I hear something, my first impulse is always to find the receipts. To learn more information what is being claimed so that I can make up my own mind. And that is the very same ethos I have espoused on my blog for years, because I would much rather people think for themselves than "fall in line" because they are being told to do so/threatened with being "cancelled" if they don't.

So if you want to find out something about my opinions or takes, it is all here on my blog. Everything going back five years since I joined the GO fandom, tagged and catalogued. I have not privated anything or deleted anything, nor do I have multiple blogs or side blogs--just this one. And if after reading what I actually have to say you still want to block me, you are certainly welcome to do so. I would just much rather you block me because of the truth, not because of someone else's personal vendetta and agenda.

To say that dealing with all of this for months on end has been surreal and stressful is a profound understatement. Especially because I have never once engaged with this blog, never replied to any posts of theirs, nor sent them an Anon or made threats of any kind (despite receiving numerous threats myself). Nor have I replied to the multiple incendiary Asks and DMs I have repeatedly received from the blog's original creator.

Again, I have not wanted to draw any further attention to these people, but the staggering awfulness of the most recent comments finally made me feel that enough is enough. I truly shudder to think what the response would be if someone made a similarly threatening comment toward these individuals...yet it's somehow completely fine to say these things about me. To make me and others into the "villain" that you need us to be to justify saying these heinous things in the first place. And while these individuals and anyone else are free to dislike me and to express their dislike in a public forum to their heart's content, that freedom of expression ends where my right to not feel that my personal safety is in jeopardy begins. A line that should never have been crossed has been crossed, and we as a fandom and as human beings are much the worse off for it.

No one should ever have to feel this way. Not even these people. And by talking about all of this and bringing these incidents into the light, my hope is that no one else ever will.

[sysig]

Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)

[melverie]

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

[parakeetpark]

Uh oh. Essay in readmore time

What's so frustrating is that for almost all of my life I didn't know I had adhd, and only found it out 5ish years ago

During ALL of my studies i was intensely freaked out and even when i got a grip on some of my mental health shit at uni, importantly I was still unaware of the adhd. And only had some professional tell me about their suspicion about it AFTER I could have received any support in my schooling.

And I have been working damn hard over the last half a decade to learn about myself and the way I work, and be kind to myself and open minded, and learnt from many many different people with adhd how they function - especially through advice on here bc much of Google is shit, and learnt what does and doesn't work for my personally.

I slowly unravelled and found myself. To a point where I'm actually functional and content in myself.

So now i find myself in the most intense, stressful period of my life since then. Grieving and finally understanding what people meant when they spoke about grieving a very close loved one. How nothing feels real even.

And I've found myself so extremely wired from having to do a very vast array of tasks all crammed into a short space of time with a close deadline - exactly the same conditions as during my studies.......... where nothing ever helped.

Yet. In the last thirty minutes I've unwound because I instinctively KNEW what to do. I found myself following all the things i taught myself about my adhd, and now I'm like 70% more chill???? Huh?????? Noticed suddenly that I've been using my ADHD self knowledge for the past few weeks and coped remarkably well because of it.

It's shocking because imagine what i could have done if I had ANY help with my adhd EVER in my life from the adults who were supposed to notice in my entire childhood. Like HUHHHHHH, I am shocked. Imagine how I'm here as an adult using 5 years of learning adhd related advice and stuff I learnt through self awareness .... and feeling better.

SHOCKING!!!!

PS - long ass tags that immediately ramble away from my initial post and go into something positive and that made me feel fluffy inside. You've been warned