#i'll find something to write about but it's just a daily struggle and very very distracting to my work

[pyrriax]

HI TUMBLR late footnote posting before i go to bed (i took a nap today........ ate up most of my time)

not a lot to talk about with footnotes today since i was Busy and my brain wasnt working pfndkmlfd i blame seven hours of modded oneblock

[non-un-topo]

Yeah personal essays are rough but have you ever had to write two separate autoethnography papers about your relationship to gender while you're going through the beginning stages of transition after a major identity crisis?

[girlbossagenda]

How to plan your time better (and stop procrastinating)

‧˚₊⋅ ୨୧ ⋅₊˚‧

I've always struggled with this, I seriously thought something was wrong with me, but I realized I was menaging my time wrong, so here's some tips on how I recently learned how to menage time and what I learnt from my mistakes!

୨୧divide your goals୨୧

you need to make a list for your work goals(if you work), your school goals(if you go to school) and your personal goals, in another pile you need to write down your meetings or night outs

୨୧get the right materials୨୧

this works better in paper, you just need an agenda(if you can get one with all monthly, weekly and daily sections), a pen, some colored perns, pencil, markers or whatever, it needs to be colored and a monthly calendar for the years, which have to stay at home.

୨୧set monthly goals୨୧

For the first step you need to focus on the general picture, so, how do you want your month to be like? write down that list in your agenda and in your calendar also write down all your tests and work meetings, your monthly goals need to be general and long and now let's move to the next point

୨୧set weekly goals୨୧

time for the week! how do you want your week to be like? your weekly goals need to be long term but easy and you need to set both your dates and your work goals for example: "for this day I have to sign this paper, compleate all my summaries etc.." or " I will go to Miniso and Sephora with my friends" and you will sign the day.

example:

This week I'll study history -> This week I'll study and compleate 1 chaper of history

୨୧set daily goals୨୧

daily goals need to be extra specific for example:

Today I'll study history -> Today I'll read and study 20 pages of History

୨୧Get help୨୧

You can ask someone close to help you remember to check your agenda or plan a study group/meeting or simply ask others if there's any even for the time to come

୨୧Set a time୨୧

This is very useful for people that tend to feel discouraged, just write for how long you're going to do the task example:

Study math for 45min or study math from 16:45 - 18:00

Complete the power point between 18:00-19:30

୨୧Color Code the activities୨୧

When planning associating each activity with a color it helps you remember better and find the task easily.

୨୧DO NOT STRESS ABOUT MISSING SOMETHING୨୧

planning it's just a tool to menage your task in a easier way, do not stress about it, just spread your activities across the week and you are good!

Hi bonitas, Hope you're doing well, it's been a while since I've made a guide, this one it's a time planning technique that I recently figured out, after so many failed attempt, hope I've helped!

xoxo gorgeous

-𝓐

[niningtori]

goodbye (?)

hi my sweet friends. i debated on whether or not i should post this because i'm unsure if this is just a phase i'll get over or if it's truly real but i did want to be honest with how i'm feeling because i'm a pretty open person by nature and i do love you all and want to be as transparent as possible.

i haven't been feeling very well lately, both physically and mentally. i struggle with bipolar disorder and ptsd (among other things) so my depression can get pretty severe but i'm starting to wonder if my entire account was the result of mental unease or if the desire to deactivate is the result of mental unease. it's difficult to determine which one is reality, honestly. on that topic, my mental illness(es) have also made me struggle with grasping what's real and what's not in the most literal sense in that in my daily life i find it's difficult to keep myself grounded. like, i cant even understand what's going on around me sometimes and it's a very scary feeling to not have that presence of mind while still being conscious.

i've tried to wait it out for a few days but i have this feeling of dread that tells me i need to erase my presence on here as soon as possible. maybe i've made a mistake by being so open and vulnerable. i don't know if that's my rational side finally kicking in or if i'm being irrational by wanting to completely erase myself off of here. i just feel like maybe this entire account was a coping mechanism for me or something and maybe it's time to let it go. maybe i'm paranoid and maybe how i'm feeling is actually nothing but that's just how it is. i just feel trapped and like everything is hopeless right now.

like i said, maybe these feelings are just temporary and i don't need to worry so much because i'll bounce back, but things just seem really bleak at the moment and i don't know how to cope. writing usually makes me feel better, but even that doesn't seem to be helping because i can barely focus anymore.

i'm not sure what i'll do with myself in the future, but i sincerely hope that if you all see me in other ways someday, you will treat me kindly. i've tried to be as kind to you all as possible so i pray you all do the same for me.

with that being said, i'm going to keep thinking about what to do with this account but please don't be shocked if everything on here is gone in the near future. similarly, don't be too surprised if i pop back up like nothing happened. my feelings are very unstable right now as i'm just trying to figure out what's best for me.

i know this probably didn't make the most sense in the world but it's my earnest wish that you all understand me and my intentions. please remember: i love you all very, very much.

love always,

nini

[makemeadoll]

✨Files Shared with Me!✨

I've been trying all videos sent to me by the friendly people of Tumblrville! 💖

I thought it might be a good idea to share them here so I don't lose them and also to help others find awesome stuff 💕

I'll be updating this list with files shared and also found by myself slow and steady, so we can all enjoy and share our thoughts! (Or mindless babbles hehe) #hypno files

I will mention those who shared or produced the files only if they explicitly share them on their blogs, or ask me to mention them privately (because privacy is now an important thing and we must play fair! ✨)

────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────

Lovely Anon #2:

You Are Blank - Hypnosis Experience

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Simply amazing! So soothing, and it does only what it says. It makes you BLANK. I don't even know if I was asleep or traveled to another dimension hehe

────────────────────────

Lovely Anon #1:

Compliance Loop 2.0

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

Not a fan of B.S. and this one uses triggers from it. I felt good and it never mentions her, but it talks about "feeling like a bad girl" and I'm not into being punished, so of course I don't want my own mind making me feel bad for not doing something i'm not comfortable with.

Here to Obey - Miss Trancy

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

It gave me the chills a little bit because I want to stay away from the B.S. world and this one sounded like those files right away, but I think it's fine. She's never mentioned in it.

30 Minute Mind Control Marathon: Can You Survive It?

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Lovely but is meant to be listened while sitting down and I like laying down more so I couldn't follow a part of the video the first time.

Brainwashing Training Loop

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I found this one on their blog. SO good! Well, it's just a lot of mantras we see all around hypno stuff... and it gets the job done! Got me so floaty and easy to drop after 😵‍💫 (listened while writing this, and after it stopped I still heard it in my head until I noticed I had closed it already!)

Daily Trance Loop

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

OMG so soothing, so lovely, so simple and well made! Nothing complicated only listen and let mind be blank! 💖

Hypnosis: TRANCE TOY TRAINING

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Caught my attention, dropped me so hard, I followed along mindlessly and the trigger made me almost burst! No words. Fav. 💖✨

[M4A] Pretty Doll in Bliss [Dollification] [IQ Reduction] [Obedience Training] [Mind Blanking] [Subliminals] [Binaural] [Mind Fuck] [Hypnosis] [Triggers] [Arousal]

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

I liked it and I felt so good! Reinforcing my good doll triggers (even writing it got me hehe). I just don't like that it associates being doll with being stupid... 💔

Surrender

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️½

Umm Tiffa struggled with the theme because it's all about slavery and I'm not a slave I'm a doll, but if you're into that the file is lovely and I was drippy and relaxed and heavy and obedient hehe, I just couldn't remember the new mantras cause I'm not a slave and they're very specific

Hypnosis: Spiral Pocket

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm almost sure these files are Bambi files with "Bambi" swapped to "Toy" and also has themes of slavery in the background. The more my mind notices it the less they work on me. I couldn't even finish this one 🥺 but if you're into it, go ahead! 💕

Hypnosis, Binaural Beats, Subliminal Affirmations: Pleasure Slave Reinforcement

• Makemeadoll Rating: 🥺

Umm I cannot add a review because Doll is scared of slave files cause I am a doll not a slave hehe, but I'm sure it's great! I trust him a lot and gives me awesome files 🥰 Maybe try it and tell me what rating to give it by the public!

Doll Transformation Hypnosis (RAGDOLL///FREEZE///COMMADS)

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Nice video! Thought I wasn't deep but then realized I really was! Hehe. It asks you to get up and pose and move and change outfit and comment and stuff so be prepared being seated and in your room hehe.

────────────────────────

@secretlytranced 💖:

Rain and Relaxing Wetness ;)

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

She's lovely and amazing and she shares these files all made by herself on her blog. This one got me to mindlessly play with my tits while working 🤭

Be a Good Girl

• Makemeadoll Rating:

Homework 🤭

Sumbission

• Makemeadoll Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Makes me sooo suggestible and it gets lost sooo good as background noise that now when it rains I remember the conditioning thinking it's playing 💕

────────────────────────

Me!:

Mistress Calia's Click Trigger Erotic Hypnosis [F4A]

• Makemeadoll Rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Makes me feel good and it's the first file I found and listened to and it made me have a crazy hypno dream and basically started my journey with files 💖

[F4A] A New Video by Your Favorite Hypno YouTuber: Obedience Training [Hypnosis] [Brainwashing] [ASMR]

• Makemeadoll Rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (+?)

I listened to this with a LOT of background noise, but I still managed to focus and suddenly I was out like a light. It's about "choosing" to become obedient, and even though I didn't like that much the way she spoke, I confess it WORKED.

{{Hypnosis}} Good Girl Trigger [Hypnosis] [Trigger] [Effects] [File For Females] [Obedient Effect]

• Makemeadoll Rating ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I think this one is very effective, but doesn't feel like it will be hehe. It's a hidden gem :)

────────────────────────

(There are more but I need to find them again first ☝️)

[chiyoso]

update

hi pookie. to those who read this the first time, welcome back, this is a re-write. an update. i kinda found the initial update i did rushed, not clearly descriptive of my situation outside this writing hobby of mine. also for the ones that i tagged, i have notes for you <3 (sorry for the tag 🫶🏻)

alright. hello hello. i'm chiyo, a jjk-focused/sporadic genshin and hsr fanfic writer, and you've caught me, and this blog in such bad time, and im so, so very fucking burnt out.

writing for me should be fun, stress relieving, and that goes for any other hobby i have. i have been told and supported countless of times to take a rest, to take a break from this, but my stubborn ass continues to try and get something out, anything to keep my blog alive, hells, it feels like a toxic relationship where i keep coming back, because i remember all the fun, happy and fond times i had in this app, only then to return to why it becomes draining, exhausting.

just sat there, occasionally laid on my back, using my phone, but with unmoving thumbs, with a brain lacking the world that needs the narrative to make a story, fuck, where has it gone?

that innocent, startup of mine, the newfound love and interest for that world of fiction that you all create. dude, i remember being so happy discovering that this brain of mine can conjure up so many shit, all because of your words, it's fucking amazing. hence, the start of the era of my honkai star rail writing journey. (hsr/hi3rd fans who followed me, i let you down with my jujutsu kaisen brainrot obsession im sorry lmao)

“take a break hira,” “take a break chiyo,” “please, take a break.”

i've heard it all, and with utmost love and respect, thank you.

thank you for everything, every word, every action, and every peep of interest you all had for me. small and big creators, who, stopped by because of my small percent chance drop in on their feed, because of the stories i created that you shared, i've met so many wonderful, inspring and motivating people in tumblr, fuck, i didn't expect to crrate a little community all by myself, with my grit alone, it's so rewarding for someone who strives for perfection, for someone who struggles with her mental health daily, for someone who deluded themselves in a world of fiction, I can't express my genuine gratitude enough.

i'm not quitting. maybe i should've mentionrd that earlier to prevent you from getting rattled, but continuing off, i don't find myself quitting this writing journey, maybe i'm just not in the right mental headspace for it at this time. damn, my ex really fucked me up LMAO.

right, i'm aware of the less and lessening interactions i've had with the people i've encountered throughout tumblr, i feel sick of myself for not being able to catch up, nor interact with any of you as much as i could anymore, it really, really fucking sucks, i hate it, i hate it, i do.

i still have leftover projects to go over and publish, because i still want MY ideas, MY thoughts, MY worlds of fictional prowess to all of you. i'm not done, but i will say, that i'm- i'm so incredibly, so very sorry to the ones that were highly, to the heavens, expecting greatness from me, to the ones who were anticipating my unfinished stories, fuck, there's so much to do, yet my body, my mind, they do not respond, as if i'm losing my sense of time, literally.

all i can say to those sticking with me because of their plain interest for me, i wish, i pray, i'll beg, beg for me, my soul, my mind, my body, my spirit to heal, and heal faster, so i can love you all at my 100%, not with my trying 20%, and lower.

thank you. to the old, and to the recent supporters that got me to 3k followers and counting, fuckin' wild. actually insane.

i'll continue to write. i'll continue to create. i don't want to quit.

i don't want to leave the only thing that gave me freedom, and the genuine happiness the first time, making me discover shit about myself, and there's that.

p.s. apologies for my jjk brainrot everyone who followed for genshin and hsr <3 also that one popular otome game, love & deepspace? yeah, that shit's also fucking me up so good.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: (lawd i feel bad for tagging)

@ainescribe @wanderingconstellations @teapartyspilled @v3lv3tf0x @ciarchivez ⸻ you fucking OGS. literally five pillars of my life, the cheerleaders, my absolute undying support of this blog, you saw me at my noob tumblr handling form, the lows, the highs, and the absolute peaks, i consider all of you special, i do, you all made tumblr and the writing community such a fun place for me. thank you, thank you, i just can't spam that voiceline enough.

@peachdues @screampied @chuluoyi @blkkizzat @jabamin @flametrashira @meowzfordayz ⸻ you superstar mutuals of mine. we've only interacted sporadically, PLEASE BLAME MY BURNOUT AND COLLEGE SCHEDULE FOR THAT, but all of you invoked so much burning hope, and motivation for me through your stories, AND your interests for me, whether it'd be something about my themes, edits, stories, it doesn't matter, you all took interest in lil' ol me, despite what, being such big content creators? FUCK??? that's insane. thank you.

god, i seriously wish my schedule would just clear up by a fuckton, and then again, i was the one who took psychology and performing arts 💤 i hope, hope HOPE i get to interact with you all again once i take a leave/break from college.

⸻ with all my love, chiyo.

[fr-wiwiw]

well, to indulge myself i'm writing this post to ramble and share a bit of my Gahan barbarian!au. it's going to be a bit of a long post i think, we'll see.

i saw noel's post about their gladiator!yohan & prince!gaon (check it here!) and it makes me miss writing the arranged marriage barbarian!au i have, it only has what.. 3 or 4 chapters I think. you can read it here.

i've always been fascinated by the visuals of medieval, historical, period era. even post apocalyptic future settings like Horizon Zero games franchise.

i think i started au bcs i've played too much Assassin's Creed Valhalla— i haven't finished it yet, too preoccupied with Monster Hunter World— but i have sketched my female Eivor several times in my sketchbook. this was when i'm curious and interested enough to draw human but haven't fully grasped the gesture, anatomy, shapes and all. i usually draw what i take interest on and it helps me tremendously, to keep on learning and push through my frustrations.

and of course.. my Gahan brainrot picked it up. hence the barbarian!au for TDJ born

i have sketches of Gahan in this au, i think i've shared them here too but i'll re-share here. it doesn't catch many eyes, i admit it's a bit of a bummer but I like the idea anyway. I used to imagined them before I went to sleep, now it's idol/celeb!gaon x mysterious husband!yohan that's occupying my mind. but anyways! here are the sketches.

1st sketch is me trying to see his body proportion in viking/barbarian attire. the upper left sketch was me wanting to see modern Yohan stripping off his clothes ig haha.. anyways, between Gaon/Jinyoung and Yohan/Jisung, it's VERY difficult to nail down his face. less lines doesn't resembles him at all and add some more lines he looks too realistic to my simplified version of Gaon/Jinyoung. it was hard trying to find the balance for these characters to be in the same picture and look like they belong in the same style. i want to do Yohan/Jisung's pretty face justice but i still struggled in this sketches. i think this was 2021? 2022?

2nd sketch�� his long protruding neck lmao i haven't fully grasped how a person can pose naturally but it came out as if he has turtle neck syndrome going on. well done Yohan! you are a turtle apparently according to my hand. all jokes aside, this was me attempting to paint his face bcs i never really attempted to paint gahan. i doodled and sketched more than i paint/rendering and i'm on my way to learn more of rendering daily if possible, alongside with my daily sketches. you can also see i've tried to give some color to his attire and some medallion or such. do you see a braid there? i will get there, the braid is something significant in this story ;)

3rd sketch is basically me planning out his character design as a barbarian/viking chief. you can see bits of references cuts here and there, took me quite some time bcs i just started to really try my hands on concept character design properly— i love cloaks and capes and vikings has exactly just that, and the winter times are especially my favorite type of attire on them so i thought why not give Yohan polar bear fur as his official formal attire while still flaunting his wonderful body to the world be it summer or winter lmao. here's where you know it's fantasy. i'm sure people back then drink ales and what not to keep their body warm so they can go bare-chested in winter even but i'm sure the day after that they will regret it. but i make Yohan and his clan to have special abilities for living in cold places. doesn't mean i don't make them wear winter attire but this is only bcs i want him to be bare-chested xD the one I post here was before i dabble on the sketch a bit more. hopefully one day i can share it again with more updates for this au.

now.. onto Gaon's sketches.

he's a Prince in this story. his parents, the King and the Queen, arranged a marriage for him for political reasons. but they have special reasons as to why they pick Yohan, aside from political purposes, to be their son's betrothed and gave him away to Yohan's barbarian clan.

1st sketch (ignore the upper left, that's Jinyoung from his other drama). i want to see him in medium and long hair length. there's a purpose to this. he has his canon Gaon hairstyle when he was the Prince in the palace. but with time and some adjustments living with Yohan and his barbarian clan rubs off on him. perhaps it's due to that, or he's grown tired to cut it off again and again (he has no one to groom him properly now unlike in the palace), practical reason is to maintain heat around his neck while in winter, or it's his idea of adapting and blending in with the enemy. you can't blame him for being wary. he's whisked away from his comfort place and home and married off to a fearsome and famous barbarian on the land at that time, almost willingly got raped by Yohan on 1st chapter (yes, you read that right). other reasons why he grows his hair, as i mentioned the culture rubs off on him, is something to do with the hair braiding too. and personal reason is that i want to see pretty Gaon in long hair lol

2nd sketch on the left was him on early days on Yohan's fur beddings. the right was him perhaps laughing out loud by some surprising and amusing thing Yohan said after living with him for some months, you can see the different hair length there. gosh he looks unalive in here lol idk why.. my sketches were still rigid here

3rd sketch is them after establishing a genuine intimate relationship and Yohan has to be away to fend off some unexpected visitors. unfortunately it cost Yohan some of his men's lives. but he made it back to his clan and his betrothed. i make it as if Gaon was anxious waiting for him and one of the barbarian shouted for Yohan's arrival and he ran immediately. lunged at Yohan perhaps, the barbarian Chief managed to catch him but didn't quite have the strength to carry them both upright as the weariness sinks into him post battle & adrenaline wearing off of him. he's home now, in Gaon's arms.

now.. the hair braiding.

barbarians/viking has long hair and braids on their hair. styled cascading down or up into a pony tail or a mohawk and such. idk if this is historically correct but i'm winging most of this anyway but the idea of braids in this story is that it's significant to lovers. it's a mark between special intimate relationship (like lovers, spouses, soulmates). one can have a braid or braid their lover's hair should they wish to, it's very intimate and special for them. jeweleries might have certain status symbol for them and their ranks but I also prefer these barbarians have something simple to symbolize their intimacy. something that can get overlooked but enough for their significant other to know (and some people) what it means.

I like the idea of Yohan having accessories for his attire but his hair is clean from braids. clearly it's saying something if you've read this far and seeing my sketches for their different stages of relationship. over the years of them finally developing feelings and genuinely established a relationship, despite already being married an Gaon almost got raped by Yohan, they are lovers.

yet Yohan never really initiates anything about him wanting to have braid(s) or braiding Gaon's hair. he might have explained about what braids are to Gaon when the bambi was curious or off-handedly commented something about it. Gaon really finds out the real meaning from Yohan's ppl and he wonders why Yohan never asks or wants braids from him. then he realizes Yohan has always been respectful to him, even years after that night he almost raped him. always keeping healthy distance, outside of their sex and other intimate physical affections, he usually waits until Gaon ask first regarding intimate things. not that he never initiates things, he figures something as serius and committed as this is something Gaon wants to have an option to bail out from. they were arranged to have marriage for political reasons after all, Gaon has the freedom to not have feelings for him as long as he stays within the wedding pact rules Yohan make with the King & the Queen ( for Gaon's sake too). He never expects to have feelings for the Prince and he always keeps the option of Gaon falling out of love of him one day. it is only fair, he thinks.

but then Gaon asks him if he wants Gaon to braid his hair. the Prince never ceases to make him falter. it still shocks and amuses him, to have someone have this much effect on him. even with nervousness and blushing state Gaon is in now after uttering those words.. Yohan wonders what he has done to have this kind of luxury to have someone this precious in his arms.

and if his people noticed a single braid just near the back of his neck when wind swept his hair or if he pulls his hair into a ponytail on hot summer days? they will all grin smugly.. Yohan likes to keep it a bit hidden from view mainly bcs it's practical and he doesn't want ppl to accidentally graze it off when he's having friendly wrestle matches or axe practices. or even having people cut it off when he's at war. he doesn't hide it per se, it's visible when it's visible. Gaon smiles sweetly and adoringly when he finds this out bcs to him, it feels as if Yohan is unconsciously protecting it. protecting their relationship, protecting Gaon.

and if Gaon walks out of Yohan's tent, that days when he asks if he can braid Yohan's hair, with a braid or several on his hair? visible to everyone? the people cheer and roar in celebration. they throw a huge feast and toast to their relationship, congratulating the power couple. wishing the gods to give these two their blessings and to protect them. they're finally able to see their Chief have a partner that is equal to him. it's a memorable day

but if you think this story doesn't come with heavy angst, tears, pain and betrayal.. well think again ;))

i will stop here. thankyou for reading! i hope i can pick up this au again in my drawings & writings

[comfortlesshurt]

alrighty, I locked in for a couple days and now I get to reward myself by yelling into the tumblr void about the series progress

first off, there are TWO FICS over 50% done, v exciting stuff. I know they've been over 50% for a bit now, but like... let me have my motivation, okay? we are in the HARD PART of the project where it all looks overwhelming, so I'll take the wins I can

also tex fic is finished and through round 1 of editing. it still needs another major edit and i need to finish fic 1 to make sure no info conflicts between the two, but the serious work for that is done

there are a few more days left before NotNaNo, but even going in with today's word counts, focusing on fics 1 and 2 should put them pretty close to finished by the end of November unless I was super off with the word count estimate

also had a really good writing day yesterday!

ignore those date projections at the bottom because like... those assume either i write 3k every day or i write 3k twice a week and 1.2k the other 5 days, and I canNOT do that consistently. but that July 23rd date is realistic! that's me continuing to hit my average based on the past 106 days since starting this project, so there's a good chance I finish this project in a total of just over a year (in which case I will never shut up about writing 450k in a year, so watch out)

finally, fic 1 is a huge portion of that daily par number in the first row, so... unless I fall majorly away from the intended timeline, that required daily par will go down a LOT at the end of december, which will be nice. the goal is still to focus a lot on this project and only really jump over to side projects as they call to me, but it's easier to do that when your average isn't struggling to keep up with your daily par number. it simply does not feel good to be constantly working just to barely get over the par.

as far as editing, i'm starting to fear i didn't budget enough time for that in my early projections, so the timeline might be off there. those due dates listed are for the final rough draft, which doesn't get a chance to rest before immediately going into a month of editing. something just tells me now that a month isn't going to be enough to cover a content edit for each fic. it's also relying on the technical edits being done week-to-week as each chapter goes up.

also added one more tracking tool recently:

this is to look at all the projects week-to-week, and really what it's done is made it obvious that I am in fact very focused on fic 1 lmao. in my defense, that's the one that has consistently had the highest required par, so it's easy to treat it as the most important. also, up to 27-aug is rough. I started writing these fics in Word, so I didn't have day-to-day stats to go back and check. I could only find those once I switched to Reedsy, so for the record I did not write 54k between 20-aug and 27-aug. same with the tex fic--that wasn't all written in one week.

this chart still only looks at ILaD progress, so you can see where I take my break in October and it cuts down a lot... but that's excluding the 10k that went into an unrelated fic, so I don't think taking this break has actually cut down on my writing much. it's just made me have a better time with it temporarily. i took a couple days off writing completely during October but like... I didn't really enjoy that? so I don't think that's the solution I'm looking for long-term.

anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk. i will infodump again, and probably soon since all the end of the month posts are coming up in the next week.

[wakebymoonsleepbysun]

Fairy and Spider (Working Title - DJMM x Reader)

Word count: ~3700

Hey, remember this post and this post? I decided to write a little something for it. Kinda needed a break from Stereo Souls. (Slightly anyway. I am still working on it almost daily, just very slowly.) I'm posting this here for now, but it may eventually go up on ao3, once I polish it and decide what I'm doing with it.

I'm planning on it being a fairly peaceful/domestic story, not really any villains or stakes other than Deejay (DJ) and you getting to know each other. Might also be more like a series of short stories vs a longer whole story but we'll see.

DJ's name in this is Deejay because DJ feels too weirdly modern for the setting. Not sure if I'm going to keep this or if I'll try to come up with a reason for him to go by DJ. I mean an AU with only one canon character whose name I changed anyway? Is that even a fic anymore? (Joking. It obviously is. :P Also I haven't fully decided if DJ will be the only FNAF character to appear.)

The bird is relentless, but then blue jays always are.

He’d caught you at a bad time. You’d been resting, about to take a much overdue swig of nectar before resuming your flight through the forest. You were already tired when he swooped down on you. 

You were also, perhaps, a bit careless--not giving enough thought to your shimmering wings catching the light of the setting sun and attracting attention. You are several days’ flight from your village, and the wildlife out here is far more bold towards fairies than you had imagined.

Now you were frantically spending the last of your dwindling energy zipping between leaves and around branches, trying desperately to outmaneuver the hungry bird. The fact that he stands a head shorter than you does not make his beak and talons any less dangerous to you. His beak closes on the tip of one of your wings, tearing it and causing you to veer suddenly downwards.

Suddenly you’re caught in something you didn’t see. Silken strands wrap around your body, sticking to your arms, legs, and wings. Even the slightest bit of struggling on your part pulls at your sore wings uncomfortably.

A spider web? No, there aren’t spiders around here big enough to make a web that can hold a fairy…right? Almost immediately, you get your answer, as you feel the skin where the web is touching you rapidly begin to numb. You blink sleepily, giving a quick shake of your head to stay alert.

Whatever made this web was no mere spider.

But you don’t have time to dwell on that, for the blue jay suddenly descends on you, pleased to find you gift wrapped and waiting for him. He bites down on one of your wings and you scream in pain as it rips.

Desperately you struggle further into the web, hoping whatever odd powers it has will deter the blue jay. Though you wonder if the bird is truly the lesser danger of the two.

You feel your consciousness begin to slip away from you, but not before seeing that your plan--questionable as it was--worked. The blue jay quickly tired of getting the strange web stuck in his beak and decided it was satisfied to only take one of your wings.

The immediate peril gone, your body relaxed, helped along by the web and your own fatigue. As your eyes drift shut, you're vaguely aware of a chittering sound, followed by the sensation of something beginning to unwrap the webs from your arms and legs.

*

You’re not sure how long you’ve been out when you find yourself drifting slowly awake. The first thing you notice is that it feels like you’re in a bed in a darkened room. Had another fairy found you? You didn’t think any lived around here…but you suppose hermits don’t always advertise their whereabouts.

You push aside the blanket and sit up. As you do, your antennae twitch, alerting you to a ceiling just above your head. You peer through the darkness and realize the bed you’re on is positioned in some kind of alcove.

The alcove is shaped like a large egg, with curved wooden walls melding into an arched ceiling. It’s longer than it is wide, and quite large for something only meant to hold a bed. You could probably fit three or four more fairies in here. 

Part of the wall is taken up by a heavy fabric curtain, which you push aside after a moment’s hesitation.

Your eyes squint shut as light floods the alcove, and you pause a moment for your eyes to adjust.

You’re definitely in some kind of home, one carved out of the trunk of a tree if the curved walls and uninterrupted wood grain are any indication.

You glance down and see your boots and rucksack have been set beside the bed, so you quickly slip on your boots and shoulder your rucksack. You’re glad your rescuer didn’t feel the need to undress you any further than that. 

The home seems to be all one room. On the wall farthest from the bed, there’s a small fireplace lined with clay bricks. A clay pot hangs over the burning embers. Carved clay countertops line the wall, along with a washbasin and a water pump.

There’s also a table near the kitchen, large and round. Though it’s at an odd height…almost as if it’s meant for one to stand at it rather than sit at it, though even for that it’s slightly tall for the average fairy. There are no chairs surrounding it, but there are two large cushions on either side of it. These, too, are odd…they’re far too low to be seating for the table, but too plush and fluffy to be stood upon comfortably. You’d be struggling to keep your balance on the squishy surface while trying to eat.

Near the bed are three similar cushions, though these are far more plush than the ones at the dining table. It puts you in mind of the difference between cushioned dining chairs and plush couches and sofas one would set up in the living room.

At least lounging on cushions in the living room seems plausible, even if it is a bit unconventional.

The one door you can see is quite tall and wide, and set into the wall near the dining area. There are also a couple glass windows set into the wall, looking out at the forest and the leafy branches of whatever tree you’re in.

Though there’s one obvious absence in this little abode--your host. Had they gone out to fetch something while you were sleeping?

You cross the living room, examining a curio shelf carved into the wall. There are some books, but the spines are unmarked and you have the sense not to actually touch anything while wandering this stranger’s home, so their contents and subject matter will remain a mystery for now. There are also some stringed instruments you don’t recognize. One looks like a lyre, but it’s a bit too big for the average fairy to hold comfortably, and the strings are spaced farther apart than most lyres you’ve seen, calling into question how one would comfortably play it. The other looks like a violin, but once again the size of it seems a bit too big to be played comfortably.

With a few more moments of thought, you probably would have pieced together the answer, but you are not given that chance. You hear the main door open behind you, and your host and savior steps into the abode.

A spiderfolk. You knew they were larger than fairies by a good amount, but you’d never seen one in person before.

He’s roughly twice your height, though if he straightened his legs he could be much taller. He’s covered in mostly white fur, with a mantle around his shoulders behind the longest and thickest. Two black spots, one large and one smaller, adorn the back of his abdomen.

Four grey legs with purple joints emerge from his carapace, and four similar arms emerge from his torso. The arms are slightly shorter and thinner than the legs, and end in paw-like hands, each with two clawed fingers and a clawed thumb. His feet are similar, though a bit longer as he seems to walk primarily on his toes, with the “thumb” being more of a dewclaw.

Though your eyes are immediately drawn to his face, which you can’t help but find intimidating. Two long fangs, each slightly longer than your hand--emerge from the sides of his mouth, preventing him from closing his lips fully, leaving his pointed teeth visible. The fangs themselves are so large you wonder if the term “tusks” may be more appropriate.

On each of his cheeks there’s a patch of blue fur, from which emerge his pedipalps, covered in a fine fuzz of the same color. A blue stripe also runs down the center of his chin. His nose is bright pink and hairless, matching the narrow rings of hairless skin around his eyes. Below each of his eyes was a barely visible line of blue fur.

Each of his main eyes that is. For he has two large, dark eyes, positioned roughly the same as a fairy’s eyes, despite being a bit larger proportionally, but beside them are a total of four smaller eyes--two on each side, one atop the other on the outer side of his primary eyes.

On either side of his head are round tufts of green and black fur, which you know to be ear structures of some kind (or covering his ear structures?) and a pair of red horns emerging from his head just behind the tufts. And atop his head is, surprisingly, a silk tophat. The only article of clothing he’s wearing, which is one more article than you’d expected a spiderfolk to have.

You’d like to say you “resisted” the urge to attempt to take flight in a panic, but the reality is your feet are rooted to the spot as you stare wide-eyed at the spiderfolk, taking in the sight of him.

For his part, he seems equally stunned at the sight of you. Was he not the one who brought you here? Or had he simply not expected you to be up and about yet? His fuzzy blue brows knit in concern and he cants his head, letting out an inquiring trill. 

You take a step back, only to flinch and jump forward as your injured wing is pressed uncomfortably against the wall.

The spiderfolk lets out a worried trill, stepping forward and holding out his two upper arms, making as if to steady you.

You let out a strangled sound of alarm as he approaches, sidestepping along the wall to avoid him.

He takes the hint, stepping back again and holding up all four arms to show he means no harm.

You stop as well, a small voice in your head chastising you for being rude to someone who is, in all likelihood, trying to help you. Spiderfolk were strange in many ways, but they didn’t eat fairies, even if you did get caught in his web. Besides, if he were going to eat you, you wouldn’t be up and walking about. You’d be bound in the web, its narcotic poison seeping into you and keeping you asleep.

But still. He’s huge and his fangs and razor teeth and many eyes are…well…something to behold, to put it mildly.

You swallow nervously, tilting your head back to look up at those many dark eyes. You finally take in his upturned brow, and the look of worry reflected in all six eyes. He looks at you a moment, then leans forward, resting his lower set of hands on the ground and lowering his abdomen slightly. He lets out another nervous trill, his upper set of hands still spread in the nearly universal “I’m not going to hurt you” gesture.

Is…is he making himself smaller so that you’ll find him less intimidating?

If he is, you can’t say the attempt is a complete failure.

You manage to untense your shoulders, relaxing your posture slightly. “U-Um…h-hello,” you say, lifting a hand in a trembling wave.

He perks at that, and you smile nervously. You tell him your name and he nods in what you guess to be understanding.

“S-So…you can understand me?” you ask shakily.

Another nod, and a trill of affirmation. He slowly moves towards you, just enough to get his abdomen the rest of the way into the abode, using one of his back legs to close the door behind himself.

You glance nervously at the now closed door…but really the exit is no more or less accessible than it ever was. You’ll still need the spiderfolk’s permission to leave…though with your wing torn you’re almost certainly safer remaining in here with him.

“I um…can’t understand your language, though…” you say, turning your gaze back to the spiderfolk. You give a weak smile and a nervous laugh. “Though…you…probably inferred that already…?” you guess.

He makes a chittering noise that sounds almost like a laugh, his smile warming as he nods.

“I…I take it that was…your web I got caught in?” you ask.

He nods, actually looking a bit apologetic.

You glance over your shoulder at your bad wing, raising it slightly to get a better look. “A-A bird attacked me…I fell into your web by mistake…but…I think the web did protect me…”

He looks surprised at that, and a bit relieved. Had he thought his web had been responsible for your injuries?

He steps forward, not approaching you directly, but moving into the living room and lightly patting one of the cushions.

You hesitate a moment, move towards him and take a seat, setting your rucksack beside the cushion. Of course, now the strange seating makes sense. Spiderfolk lay their abdomens and carapaces on top of cushions to rest, either curling their legs under them or stretching them out to the sides. They have no use for backrests with how their bodies are structured.

“Thank you,” you say, belatedly realizing you should have said it sooner. “F-For…taking me in.” Frowning, you add, “I…I don’t even know what to call you…”

He smiles kindly, holding up one finger, indicating for you to wait. He goes to the shelves you had stood near a moment ago, and opens the cabinet beneath them. He pulls out a small scrap of parchment and with a quill, writes something down. He then brings you the scrap, holding it towards you. 

You accept it, and are surprised to see a few letters scrawled in the fairy language. “Deejay?” you read. “Is that…a name you chose yourself? In the fairy language?” It’s not a fairy name you’ve ever heard, but it’s a series of sounds that most fairies can pronounce far more readily than the chittering and trilling that makes up the spiderfolk’s language.

He nods eagerly as you return the scrap of paper to him.

“Can I…ask your real name?” you inquire curiously. 

Deejay blinks, canting his head in bemusement. Almost as if he’s surprised you’d care to know such a thing. But he nods, then lets out a trilling chitter.

Like a fool, you try to repeat it, but even your untrained ear can tell the noise you made was nothing like Deejay’s spiderfolk name.

Deejay covers his grin, muffling a chittering laugh.

You feel your face heat up in embarrassment, but you force a nervous laugh. “What’d I say…?” you ask. Then, realizing he can’t exactly answer such an open ended question, you add, “Something bad? Or just gibberish?”

Deejay holds up a hand with his two fingers raised, still grinning, his six eyes sparkling with amusement.

“The second one?” you guess. At his nod, you say, “Well…I guess I’m glad I didn’t accidentally insult your ancestors or something.”

He lifts all four shoulders in a shrug, waving one hand. You guess he means that he wouldn’t have been offended even if you had said something bad.

Deejay crouches down, settling on one of the cushions, setting the scrap of paper on the floor so he can write on it. He then passes it to you.

“Sweet of you to try.”

Your face burns at being called “sweet” by this spiderfolk who…well, isn’t too far off from “sweet” himself, from what you’ve seen. Maybe he doesn't understand the nuance of the word. He probably meant something closer to “nice” or “kind”.

Really, though, you should just be glad he wasn’t offended by your attempt. Every fairy (and probably every spiderfolk) knows it’s possible to train ears to recognize the sounds of each others’ languages, no amount of “training” can overcome the different mouth shapes enough for one to speak the other’s language with any degree of intelligibility. 

Deejay goes to the kitchen, opening the pot that hangs over the fire and ladling some stew into a clay cup…though a spiderfolk cup of soup is about equivalent to a fairy bowl of soup. He sets a wooden spoon in the cup before bringing it back to you.

“Th-Thank you,” you say, a bit hesitantly. The stew doesn’t smell like much--you’ve heard spiderfolk cooking is fairly bland by fairy standards, but you are starving. And even so, you’re not the type to turn up your nose at a home cooked meal from your host.

The spoon’s a bit too big for you to fit in your mouth, so you make due closing your lips around the edge of it to eat. After the first bite, though, you blink in surprise, glancing up. “Mushroom stew?”

Deejay trills happily, nodding.

“I…I thought spiderfolk mostly ate meat,” you say.

He smiles, nodding again. He writes on the paper again, holding it out for you to read.

“Had mushrooms on hand. Knew fairies don’t eat meat stew.”

“Oh…” you say, moved by the gesture. He’d made a whole meal just for you, one that he probably wouldn’t enjoy himself, if he even found it edible. “Thank you, Deejay…” you say softly. “But…we can eat meat stew in a pinch. It’s…serviceable,” you say with a weak smile.

While spiderfolk sometimes used plants and fungi as garnish or accent flavors, but almost never had a meat-free dish, fairies were much the opposite. Some bits of meat could be used in soups and stews, but no fairy dish had any sort of meat as the main ingredient.

But that didn’t mean you couldn’t have a meat stew on occasion.

Deejay cants his head at your statement, looking slightly concerned and skeptical, then writes, “Plenty of mushroom stew for now.”

“It’s very kind of you to make this for me,” you say politely, with genuine warmth in your tone.

The conversation lapses as you focus on eating, and after a few moments, Deejay gets up and gets the two instruments from the shelf. He holds them up, his brows raised in a silent inquiry, clearly asking if you would mind if he played.

You nod eagerly. “Oh, yes, I’d love to hear it!” you say.

The fur on his cheeks fluffs a bit at your enthusiasm, and his wide grin takes on a hint of shyness. But all the same, he settles on his cushion and begins to play. His upper arms hold the violin, tucked under his chin, while his lower set plays the lyre.

The size of the instruments changes their pitch slightly, so the whole song is performed in a lower pitch than you’re used to, but it’s lovely all the same…and fascinating to watch. You couldn’t imagine trying to play two instruments at once. Though of course you wouldn’t have enough hands to try.

The song is soft and slow, and very relaxing. Perfect dinner music. Perfect anytime music, really. Deejay’s quite skilled at both instruments, and should he ever visit a fairy village he’d do well as a minstrel even playing only one of them.

You eat slowly, but soon feel your eyelids begin to droop. You do your best to finish your stew, but eventually have to set it aside for fear of dropping the cup as you doze.

Deejay takes this as his cue to stop playing, setting his instruments aside and moving towards you. He lightly touches your shoulder, causing you to jump. He skitters back with an apologetic trill, wringing his upper set of hands nervously.

“S-Sorry…” you say quickly. You rub at your eyes, frowning. “I just woke up…I don’t know why I’m so tired…” you mumble.

Deejay flinches guiltily, grabbing the paper to write again. “Poison from the web isn’t out of your system. You’ll sleep a lot for a couple days.”

“Oh…” you say. That must be why he’d been so surprised to see you up when he’d arrived. As you’re about to lay back on the cushion, resigning yourself to another sleep, he lightly touches your hand.

You glance at him curiously, and he carefully takes both your hands in his. His large paws engulf your hands as he lifts you to your feet, one of his lower arms wrapping around your back to steady you.

You stop yourself from asking what he’s doing. He can’t answer with his hands full, after all.

His one free hand opens the curtains leading to the alcove you’d awoken in not long ago, and he nods towards it, indicating for you to climb into the bed.

You blink sleepily. “But…Deejay, isn’t this your bed? I-I can take one of the cushions…they’re big enough,” you say with a tired laugh. 

That’s debatable, though. While you probably could sleep comfortably on it, they’re not quite long enough to accommodate you. You could line up two together and make due, but even you have to admit the bed probably would be more comfortable.

Not to mention more private.

Deejay looks at you imploringly, nodding towards the bed and gently pushing on your shoulder, nudging you to climb into the bed and rest.

“Are you sure?” you ask worriedly.

He smiles kindly, nodding and pushing on your shoulder again.

With some reluctance, you climb into the bed, freeing up Deejay’s hands so he can once again write on the scrap of paper. By now said scrap is getting pretty full, but he still finds room to write, “I can sleep on the cushions. You are injured. You need dark and quiet.”

“I-I guess…” you admit as you lay down. Deejay helps you remove your boots and pull the blankets over yourself. As sweet as the gesture is, you’re a bit embarrassed that sleep is taking you so fast that you do actually need help tucking yourself in.

He smiles warmly at you, his six eyes lidded in a tender expression as he lightly pats your forehead. It’s a strange sensation. The pads of his paws are rough and leathery, but the bits of fur surrounding them are soft and silky.

“Could you play more music?” you ask tiredly. You normally wouldn’t make such a request after all he’s already done for you, but you’re barely aware you had even spoken. In fact it’s unlikely you’ll remember making the request when next you wake.

You don’t see Deejay’s look of surprise at the question, nor his warm, flattered smile as he nods. He pulls the curtain closed, and as you’re drifting off, you hear his beautiful music once again.

[m0ch1nut]

After Sukuna spills the beans, YN says that theyd been looking at a Heian artists painting of his curse form to associate Sukuna with that visual rather than Yujis looks, and even piles up blankets/pillows around themselves so its like his 4 arms are hugging them. Sukuna kinda just goes 🥺 (or as close to it as he can lol) at how accepting they are before kissing YN for the first time. Sorry this is so long and detailed, I just thought it was precious! No pressure tho <3 (no part 3, it all fit!)

Okay I don't know if I can put both parts of the ask in one post so I'll summarize,

Sukuna struggles to be physical with his s/o because he's uncomfortable doing so while still being in Yuji's body. While he's not insecure about his true form, he's still unsure if his s/o will still find him attractive since his true form is more monstrous and "creepy". Eventually, they discuss it (and the rest is continued in this ask).

Now I'm kind of stuck on how to write for this. I know you might be expecting the full story but I, just like Sukuna in this situation, am uncomfortable with the idea of Sukuna still being in the body of a teenager. This is why I write strictly for his true form or an AU. However, I still think this idea is really adorable so I want to add to this in a way I'm comfortable with.

-

Communication has never been Sukuna's strong suit. He believes any problem that can't be solved with power and strength isn't worth his time. This "actions speak louder than words" attitude has never failed him, (mainly because he's shit with words) but then again he's never been in a situation as difficult as this. At some point, you became very important to him. Ever since you accidentally stumbled upon his domain within a dream, Sukuna was intrigued by how you continuously managed to return. For some reason, your humanness piqued his interest; the fact that you were physically attractive was just the icing on the cake.

Being stuck in Yuji's body had its pros and cons, but mostly cons. The damn brat was able to maintain control over his body, forcing Sukuna to spend the majority of the time stuck within his domain, all whilst remaining the spitting image of Yuji. As Yuji goes about his daily life as a high school student, Sukuna is constantly reminded that although he is hundreds of years old, his physical form is still similar to that of a child.

At first, he's able to keep his frustrations hidden. Anytime you arrived in his domain, he told you stories of his prime, his views on the world, and anything else he was willing to share; all while you sat politely, listening in awe and wonder. For a while, this was enough to hide his inability to act on his attraction to you. However, your impatience began to show, with each visit you sat closer and closer until your chin rested on his knee; looking up at him with love and admiration.

As the King of Curses, Sukuna's not used to difficult situations where things can't go his way. He knows he should talk to you, but doing so requires being vulnerable and weak. So unfortunately for you, Sukuna dragged you into one of his long-time habits: taking his frustrations out on others. He became short-tempered, quick to snap and force you out of his domain the minute you got too close.

You weren't stupid, you knew something was wrong but couldn't put your finger on it. Sukuna wasn't the easiest to read either. You knew from his stories that he's had no issue being physically affectionate with humans in the past, and his words showed no indication that he was upset with you in particular. It takes night after night of pestering to get Sukuna to talk about his feelings, and its... adorable? Seeing him stumble over his words and avoid your gaze makes him seem almost human; that is until you see the paintings of his past form.

Fearsome, ravenous, and powerful; every painting depicted Sukuna in ways you should've feared, but all you saw was beauty. His familiar tattoos wrapped around his larger form, except now the black bands circled twice as many arms. A rough mask stretched over half his face, the name Ryomen now making more sense. One image, in particular, caught your eye, depicting Sukuna towering over the remnants of a village. The image was still, motionless, and yet the flames seemed to dance around him; bathing his muscular body in shades of red and orange. Compared to his true form, it made sense now why Sukuna would feel uncomfortable in Yuji's body.

Some time had passed since he last saw you, and embarrassingly, Sukuna was starting to worry he'd scared you away. He decided to pay you a visit. This was rare since you had never actually told Sukuna where you lived, he found you on his own. He concluded that regularly visiting you outside of his domain could make you a target for local sorcerers. Yet here he was, seated on the roof of your home, gazing into your bedroom window. The room was dark, it was late and you'd already fallen asleep. Sukuna didn't notice at first, but after his eyes adjusted he noticed the mountain of blankets and pillows wrapped around your resting form. Were those... arms? Was that supposed to be him? The realization hit Sukuna like a truck, for once he was actually caught off guard. Waves of different emotions coursed through his mind, relief? Sadness? He was glad you weren't frightened by his true form and actually embraced it. You looked comfortable and really fucking cute. Unfortunately, he's stuck in this body for now. A reality where he could hold you like that, if at all possible, was not promised. As he made his way off your roof and back towards the school Sukuna thought about how disgusted he should've been, the mere sight of you like this was so cheesy. To feel like this for a human was almost nauseating. He ultimately pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, deciding he could work through those feelings later. For now, he was allowed to be happy.

The next time he saw you, things would be different.

-

Again, I'm sorry this took longer to write than I had originally promised, but I hope you like it! This idea was so sweet and I had a lot of fun writing it.

I'm glad to be back :)

[bangtanintotheroom]

Goodbye 2023!

Well well well, it's the end of another year and miraculously, I'm still here on Tumblr writing my silly little smut fics. To think it's been two years since I started this on a whim and have experienced so much on this blog, it's crazy. But this year felt so different compared to the previous one, for multiple reasons that I'll talk about underneath.

To start off on a major personal note, my year didn't start off the best.

I lost my grandmother last December after she struggled with health issues since the pandemic (non-COVID related). She was my last grandparent and although I didn't agree with a lot of her views, she loved me and I loved her. The holidays were rough to get through, to say the least.

Then my great uncle (her brother) passed in February while my family and I were on vacation. We visited and stayed with him last summer, which was the longest I had ever been around him in my life. It was a sudden decline in his health and to have it so soon after his sister was shocking.

Only the people in my personal life know about this as I didn't want to bring this up on here. I make sure to keep certain things separate from my life as a writer, but now I feel comfortable enough to tell you all just what's been going on. I'm doing better now, thankfully. We visited the cemetery recently where my grandmother and grandfather are now laid to rest together with their newly-acquired headstone. It was bittersweet, but it felt good to finally see a marker there after all this time. 💕

Now onto the good notes, which there were plenty of!

This is the first time I have ever went to Trinidad TWICE in one year! We went in February and in May, both for different reasons, but it was a relaxing and fun time. Something about the islands is refreshing, especially when you live in a cooler climate.

And then came April...MUTHAFUCKIN AGUST D TOUR 🗣️🗣️🗣️

This was officially my first K-pop concert and boy, was it an experience. Despite the rain and Prudential staff being shitbags, I had an amazing time and I look back at my videos and pictures with fond memories. Shoutout to @minttangerines @kithtaehyung and @here2bbtstrash for meeting up and listening to me scream drunkenly about nuggets at 2 AM!

I also had some nice weekend and day trips with my irl friends, filled with chaos and conversations that would probably get us committed lmao

I went to Texas for the first time, too! My brother moved down there last year and I already made plans from the jump to go visit him. It's a whole different world down there, but I'm already planning to go back in 2024 (with a checklist of what we have to do)!

Let's see...I did my usual cons and got somewhat back into cosplay, too. My friends and I are planning to return to the last one we visited before the pandemic started, so we're very excited!

Those were the main things in my personal life that occurred, other than work (which is still ass) and the usual daily things.

Now onto my year in writing.

2023 paled in comparison to 2022. My output lessened considerably, due to multiple personal events, exhaustion and stress from work and mental health.

I was writing most of the time, but I was rarely finishing anything to post. My WIPs kept nagging at me on Notion and it got to the point where I recently cleaned up shop. I cancelled some of them, but kept them in a page where I could reuse the concept and scenes for something else. This gave me peace of mind.

But I also have to do some cleaning up for fics that have already been posted.

I know I said I would stretch some of them out, but I am at the point where I have zero desire to still do that. Plus I am getting into new groups and find myself wanting to write for them instead. I will make a separate post on my intentions for my current fics, just so there's no confusion on anyone's end whether it will be continued or not.

It's also been extremely jarring how many people have just...left.

When I compare the end of 2022 to the end of 2023, it's like a ghost town. A majority of the servers I was in have shut down or been abandoned. Many fellow writers have disappeared, deactivated or gone on hiatus (for reasons that are valid and I wish them all the best). And the atmosphere has shifted, but not in a positive direction.

Interactions have lessened, anons are being ruder than ever, people are plagiarizing left and right. It's a mess.

I've had a couple of moments where I debated on stepping away, but I can't right now. Writing gives me an unexpected joy and it's always a treasure to see my mutuals posting their own works that they've put their blood, sweat and tears into. I'm not quite ready to leave that yet.

Although, I do have to take a slight step back, just to focus on personal things. I'm practicing art again to see if I can start selling once I'm comfortable enough to. If things ever get overbearing and I can't juggle the two, I will let you all know as soon as possible. But for now, expect at least one more year of AJ aka bangtanintotheroom!

Wow, this was long 😬 but I've been sitting on these thoughts for months and I had to get it out somehow.

I'll finish this off by saying thank you to everyone who follows me or reads my fics or plans to start reading them. Thank you to my mutuals who are supportive and encourage my crazy ideas. Thank you to everyone.

Happy New Year! 🥳

[thilsworld]

[October 11th 2024]

Once again I forgot to post for a few days so... Yeah...

Yesterday was my sister's birthday though! Since her apartment is really small she decided to visit me and my mom instead of us visiting her. My mom made homemade Belgian waffles and we decorated them with whipped cream and sweet sauces (meant for ice cream but whatever) and chocolate sprinkles.

Here's a picture, featuring Storm

Unfortunately my birthday gift for her got delayed and it ended up arriving literally 2 hours after she went back home. So I'll give it to her next time I see her. Which might actually be my own birthday since that's 11 days from now...

We also played cards against humanity again since that's her favorite game. To make it a little more interesting, we also always add 1 random white card, so the person picking has to choose between 3 instead of 2. But sometimes the randomly selected card from the top of the pile is a little TOO good. At the end of our long playing round I had 19 points, my sister 15, my mom 21 and the randomly selected card 9. Which... 9 too many to be honest...

Here's a nice example of the random card fitting TOO well. Cause the first white card was my mom's, second was random, 3rd was my sister's

Now as for something about today instead of yesterday:

I'm trying out something new. For the past week I had been struggling to make my day to day life more meaningful and feel like I am productive, considering I am disabled, don't work, and due to anxiety also don't go out often. I'm basically in a bubble with just my mom and cat, and occasionally my sister, my best friend, or my therapist.

So I went looking for someone who had documented their daily life routines down to it's VERY basics. I wanted to find some habits that work for me to make my life feel functional.

I found this blog from a husband and wife, very conservative Christians so definitely not my type of people, but the wife had basically written down EVERYTHING she does from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep. Brush teeth, pray, put clothes on, open curtains, EVERYTHING. And one thing it said was that she starts her day with a cup of coffee and the newspaper. Which, is very normal I know. But I decided to give it a try today for the first time. But in my own way cause I don't like coffee and we don't have a newspaper subscription at our house.

So I made my breakfast, and went through the news app, taking small notes of anything that seemed noteworthy. Most is quite depressing, but one thing I loved seeing that according to a research they did among millennials and gen z, about 48% of people in that age group identify as lgbtq in some way, and another 30% is an ally. How amazing is that! I love how with time we're slowly becoming more progressive, and because of that younger generations are able to identify themselves more safely from earlier ages.

It's currently 21:32 as I type this so I guess I'm gonna stop typing and just go to bed now. Maybe I'll write down my (very short) routine tomorrow, kind of like that blog I found, so I can see in the future what stuck and what improved.

3 positive things about today:

We had pizza for dinner

Mom and I played monopoly again, and for the first time in AGES i actually won

I felt more fulfilment today than the past few days. Idk why cause I didn't do much more than usual. I guess I got out of bed on the right foot

[rigelmejo]

Things Read 2023

I thought it'd be kind of fun to do a little collage of some of the things read in 2023. Because pictures entice and maybe one of these will look interesting to you, and maybe I'll just feel slightly more motivated the next time I try to read something.

First row: Easiest novels to read, I highly recommend if you're a beginner. 秃秃大王, 大林和小林, and 笑猫日记 (any book in this series).

Second row: also fairly easy, though maybe not for total beginners? (Unless you want). 小王子 (which was the first non-graded reader novel I read in chinese, and in retrospect I wish I'd started with the books above instead... but this was still readable as a beginner, I read it in paper form to stop myself from looking words up and it was still a doable read), 盗墓笔记重启 （幽默漫画）a very cute domestic side stories for dmbj set during chongqi, extremely easy to read if you know the character names. 他们的故事/Their Story by Tan Jiu, a cute slice of life girls falling in love story, it's setting makes it quite easy to read.

Third row: manhua that are a bit harder, but still probably very readable if you're not looking to work hard and sink into a novel. 19天, bl and funny af, set in school so common vocab but the jokes land better as u understand more, I also love the art. 破云  1 and 2, they're kind of hard to read in that this manhua has a page just for niche word definitions in the front, but it's easier to read than the novel it's based on. I thought it was a fun way to enjoy the story while I waded much more slowly through the novel version. Similarly, I've been reading the 烈火浇愁 manhua (not pictured) on and off since I can get further in the manhua than the novel before running out of steam. There's a lot of manhua on the Bilibili Comics app, and that's definitely an option if you're into manhua too if you like a novel premise but aren't quite ready to tackle the novel (or want to check out the manhua too). Also, sometimes on bilibili.com you can find videos of manhua with voice acting and music, which can be nice.

Fourth row: some novels I'm still in progress with lol. I read 盗墓笔记 books 1, 2, and half of 3 in 2023. I'm continuing along, and maybe eventually I'll get to sha hai. If you plan to read/watch more in the tomb raiding or supernatural genre anyway, I highly recommend reading. dmbj is not that hard to read, new words usually pop up early and then are repeated enough that you learn them within a few chapters, which makes the following chapters easier and easier. By the time I was through book 1, I switched from looking up unknown words to looking up no words and just guessing from context and it went fine. npss also writes in an easy style to read once you get used to a few wordings/slang. A lot of the words I learned from dmbj were helpful with other supernatural genre stuff I read, since I like to read that kind of stuff. 撒野, both harder than I thought it'd be and easier. It is very doable of a read as far as following the main idea of the plot, after you've read a few other novels (like row 1) or gotten comfortable with daily life words. It does some beautiful stuff though with the writing style, and detail, that's more noticeable upon re-reads. I've restarted this novel like 4 times because each time I picked it up again my reading skill had improved, and the writing felt different upon reading. If you can watch chinese shows with chinese subtitles you can read this without looking words up, but if you do encounter unknown words this was a novel I found the unknown words were frequently useful and worth learning. I'd say it's very approachable, it's just the chapters are quite long so it's always a painful reminder of how slow my reading speed is. It's about two teenage guys who meet and fall for each other, and it's also about their families and personal struggles and very character focused which I love. After this novel, I plan to check out the other novels by this author. And of course, still, 镇魂. Look, I keep reading the whole first arc, then taking a break, then re-reading the whole first arc. I need to stop being a perfectionist about understanding and catching every detail, and just move forward. I've read my print version about 2 times to the end of the sundial arc, and the web version about 2 times. I've yet again reached the end of the sundial arc as of December 2023, and hopefully I just move forward at this point. I wont say it's an 'easy' read, but I will say I picked up so much of my initial reading vocabulary from this and Tian Ya Ke, that priest's preferred writing vocabulary and particular way of phrasing sentences is more familiar to me than any other author's. So now I have a much easier time reading priest's other novels. And in the case of Zhen Hun, I know 98% of the words more or less on any given page. So yes, it's a bit silly I keep combing over to try and understand more details. (In my defense, I've been combing over the AUDIO my last read through, to try and get my listening vocabulary comprehension closer to my reading vocabulary level - I figured it was a good novel to do this with since I know nearly every word reading-wise in the sundial arc at this point). Anyway... when will I finish reading Zhen hun? Ask me when the last official english translation book is published. Because I'm waiting to read the english until I finish it in chinese first. So no doubt when the english is totally out I'll probably rush through anything I didn't finish so it's easier for me to compare. (You'd think I'd do that for Sha Po Lang and... lol you're not wrong... that's why I haven't started reading SPLs official english translation yet... I want to dig out my chinese print book and compare). Tldr: Zhen hun is one of the easier priest books to start with, all things considered. Or Tian Ya Ke. I started with both, and they're still easier reads to me than Dage and Sha Po Lang and Can Ci Pin.

Special mention:

I also read 2 pingxie fanfictions, 半夜衣寒 and 寒舍 by 夏灬安兰. The first story is shorter by far, both are around as easy to read as dmbj or a bit easier, and they're supernatural au in everyday life so a lot of the words are applicable to either the real world, or to books in genres like dmbj.

I also read/watched many a voice-acted manhua video on bilibili over the last year. Bilibili algorithm recommends me tons of bl, and supernatural mystery stuff, so I'd click on manhua compilation videos when bored and use the voice acting speed to get myself to read faster than I would if I were just reading the manhua in silence. I found a pretty cool horror manhua, but upon making this post I checked bilibili and the compilation I saved was deleted. If I find it again I'll post a link. It was a college student who just moved to the city, and he meets this ancient guy who may be a demon/guardian sort of thing, and the city is just full of haunting and awful deaths and misfortune going on. It was both scary and full of comedy, which was fun.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Rejected Requests Pt. 16

Hello everyone! I am unfortunately back with another set of Rejected Requests (Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6 , Pt 7 , Pt 8 , Pt 9 , Pt 10, Pt 11, Pt 12, Pt 13, Pt 14, Pt 15)

I understand this is very disappointing for many of you. I promise it has nothing to do with you, and mostly it’s just because my brain has decided it doesn’t want to cooperate.

I will post the rejected fics below the cut. I want to give you the opportunity to ask another Writer (check the list of Writers seeking requests here!) For some of you, I've already heard back from someone who agreed to take over your request!

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of experience with schizophrenia, so I wouldn't feel comfortable writing this fic. I wish you luck, though, and I hope you can find someone who can write it for you.

As much as I love Spencer teasing a blushy Reader, I don't have any particular ideas for this.

I'm the furthest thing from a pro athlete, so I'm afraid I wouldn't have much of a reference point for writing something like this!

I've never been great at writing shy Readers, and it's only gotten harder as I've gotten older 😅

I haven't been able to motivate to write a non-CM fic lately, so I'll have to pass for now! I still love me some Chip Taylor, though. I get it.

Absolutely adorable visual. I am, however, currently wedding planning myself (surprise!) and the idea of having to deal with that stuff in my escapist fantasies is a bit too much for me right now!

Ah, this is so fun, but it doesn't seem like something I could write very much about. I wish I could watch it as a video, though!

With all my medical trauma, which is currently a problem in my daily life, I'm not sure I can struggle through a request. I already have a couple requests I'm still considering that are similar, so keep an eye out!

This is such a lovely idea. I haven’t been feeling angst lately, but I know a ton of people always do. I’d love to see this classic one done!

I’ve thought about this idea a lot since I got this request. I might eventually write it, but I don’t have any inspiration to write it down right now. It's also super general, so I could see multiple great pieces coming from it!

This is such a cute request but I don’t have any concrete ideas for it. I hope someone has the inspiration to do it justice!

I’m afraid to get burnt out on Hotch’s daughter fics (only a few people know this, but… I do have a potential series for a Hotchner!Reader…). This is a wonderful idea, though. Definitely funny.

Ah, this would definitely spiral into a massive series for me, lmao. I unfortunately just don’t have that in me right now… but someone else should write it so I can read it 🤭

NSFW REQUESTS, MINORS DNI

I'm not too big on voyeuristic/getting caught situations, so I'll leave these wonderful ideas to someone else!

This is such a fun, niche little kink request, but I'm just not inspired enough to write something like this lately. I hope someone can do it for you, though!

This is simply not one of my interests. I think it's too similar to those "getting caught" kind of situations for me. I know it's pretty popular, though, particularly for submissive men!

I always struggle with as-smart-as-Spencer Readers. I wish you luck, though!

Ah, hybristophilia... I think I'm too far away from Protege to be able to go back to those kinds of kinks. I haven't been in a Dead Dove mood for a long time. Godspeed, though, friend. I feel you.

I got so many very specific female oral receiving requests in a row 😅 I burned myself out on the blurbs. This would have to be a much longer piece, which I'm just not sure I'm up for. Who doesn't love a flirty Reader, though?

I’m personally not a big fan of as-smart-as-Spencer Readers. I’m also not the biggest fan of lawyer Readers because I do enough of it at my day job 😭 it sounds like a lovely idea, though! And thank you for all the kind words ❤️

Songfics are super hard for me, unfortunately 😓 Especially if I don’t know the songs, which I don’t know either of these.

Sorry, friend! My request guidelines say I don’t accept requests involving cheating. I hope you can find someone who can write it for you 🫶

Thank you everyone! Again, I'm so sorry I had to reject these requests. I hope you can find someone else to write them for you!

[mthollowell-writes]

Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thanks again to @digital-chance for the tag! You can find their original post here!

1)What motivates you to write?

My own ego (I kid...sorta).

I love creating worlds and giving life to the various voices inside my head. I love teasing out ideas and constructing (too) intricate plots and scenarios. Writing is my escape from the daily grind (for good and bad) and my main outlet for expression. I honestly wouldn't be me without my writing.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I'll share something from a short story currently on ice until I get around to editing it. It's tentatively called "Cosmic Self-Serve"

Unfathomable eldritch horrors weren’t on my Tuesday night bingo card but it takes all types to keep a gas station in the black. I took another pack of gum from the rack and popped a stick in my mouth, praying for brain freeze. Cool mint took over my senses and I felt like a person again. Gary won’t be happy with my lack of respect for “stock integrity” but that’s why our corporate gods gave us shrink. Also Gary’s an asshole so screw Gary.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I'm going to have to give this to September from my Festival Project WIP. He's such a mess of a character despite his best efforts to keep it together. He has a pretty lengthy backstory for "reasons that drift a smidge into spoiler territory." On the surface, he's calm and collected and can weather any storm with clear head, but that comes from a long history of battling demons (both real and internal). He currently puts these talents towards being the Editor in Chief at his newspaper office.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The initial brainstorming and outlining stage. I love plotting out stories free from the expectation of making the words sound pretty. I do still enjoy making the words pretty but sometimes I stall getting too caught up in that.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

The dialogue, though I will be the first to admit that I can get carried away with it. I also credit myself as a very meticulous plotter, in the actual plot and with character backstories. I've been told that my shorter stories tend to subvert expectation and go in unexpected places (but this too has its pitfalls as my earlier writing has been labelled as confusing by certain peers in writing workshops).

Even when I'm trying to stroke my ego, I keep offering caveats.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

Honestly, how supportive everyone is! We're always trying to build each other up and the discussions I see on my feed where people excitedly talk about their stories and OCs remind me why writing is so much fun. And the games, of course. My god, these games! I love them!

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I recently took the plunge and bought Scrivener and I'm liking it so far. It's a bit of a learning curve with all the features you can play with, but I love how you can organize stories and bookmark things within each text section for referencing. Best of all, (and as far as I'm aware) you only have to pay once for it (unlike some other subscription based programs). With that being said, I do love Microsoft Word for smaller projects and its backup feature.

I also use a timer on my computer (I have Windows so there's a clock app that you can adjust). On days that I'm really struggling to motivate myself, dividing my time into smaller increments can get me through the slog.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Egad, what a broad question! I have to think about that for a second...

There's a unique Protestant-inspired church branch within Hollow Grove that's known as the Edelhaus Coalition Church. It's also uniquely American, whose foundation is the old Puritan work ethic that emphasizes hard work as a core tenet that guarantees a path to heaven.

Where it diverges is its belief in The Founder and the concept of The Faithful. The Faithful are the true believers that have gained immense favor with God through their hard work and aptitude. As evidence of his favor, he gives The Faithful powers over nature. The Founder (who many believe was the original historical founder of the town, Goodwin Hollow) was the first Faithful and every Festival of Shadows, the evidence of his will is seen in the resurrection of the recently deceased every festival year. This holiday is celebrated by all in the Edelhaus Coalition church for this reason. It's also why many acolytes within the church opt for natural burial for a chance to walk the earth again.

There's more to it but in the spirit of brevity, that's all I'll say for now.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

I'll say it again, write what you love. There's no point in writing something you don't.

I also want to emphasize the importance of breaks. Sometimes if the words aren't flowing (or there's just so much going in your life), never feel ashamed of putting the pen down and coming back to a story later. The time away can offer fresh perspective. It can divert your attention to something else that you're equally passionate about. I sometimes like to procrastinate on one story with another. If I can't write at all, sometimes reading or watching something can inspire you.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I'm truly inspired by reading the snippets of stories from @digital-chance (that's two mentions now!) @rmgrey-author @palebdot @tabswrites @writingbyricochet and @fatexweaver. I appreciate the support and interactions I've had with @vintagecivet @macabremoons @friendlyshaped @aestatismors @leisoree @words-after-midnight @axl-ul @nai-nty-8 and @nonsenseramble. Seriously, you all rock and I appreciate all of you!

I'm going to go ahead and gently tag all these beautiful folks listed above as well as some newer mutuals who I hope to get to know more @girlfromthecrypt @elhuei @isherwoodj @poemsbymo @robin-writes-a-lot and anyone who would like to participate!

[tailoroffates]

Author Ask Tag Game

I don't usually like to talk about myself, but if that's how you play then I'll play along. Thanks for the tag @doublegoblin!

I'm interested to learn about @winterandwords @toribookworm22 @turnthemasunder-if and @comicgoblinart so I'm tagging them with a non-obligatory participation offer. If anyone else would like to participate then join on in!

The Garden that Burned series is what I choose to answer with.

(1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

To be honest my story didn't start out with an underlying meaning. It took me a while to grow and build as an author before I realized I'd unintentionally included little "moral to the story" arcs within my plot and character arcs. Some of the points I touch on are resolving racism, accepting people for who they are not who you want them to be, learning to understand your emotions, fighting and/or coping with anxiety, learning to accept death and manage grief, war is a cycle of hatred, forgiveness despite biases, and there are likely a few other things I can't recall at this very moment.

(2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

Well, I really like Elder Scrolls, Tolkien's works, and Avatar the Last Airbender, so I'd have to say my magic systems are inspired by those, however, I've put my own twist on them so they fit better with the lore. The flora and fauna I've created are mostly chimeras of existing real-life plants and animals.

(3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

My MC was initially trying to become the leader of his village, but fate had different plans for him. Now his goal is to end the Divine war between the mortals and their gods. What am I trying to achieve? Nothing too deep. I just wanna share some stories :D If someone learns something or grows by reading my series then all the better. It would actually make me very happy.

(4) How many chapters is your story going to have?

My first book has 24 chapters, but I have no idea how many the second, third, fourth, or fifth will have. Your guess is as good as mine. I suppose I'll try to aim for that same 24 mark, but who knows.

(5) Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

The series is made up of original content and I intend to publish each book.

(6) When and why did you start writing?

I started as a wee tot but picked it up as an actual habit when it became therapeutic to me. Writing helps me work through my anxieties.

(7) Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

The best I can say is if writing is a passion of yours but you struggle putting pen to paper try setting a daily word count for yourself. It doesn't have to be a large count, but I promise you will improve by practicing every day. If you can't think of anything to write for the day, look up writing prompts and I'm sure you'll find a few that pique your interest.

As for other Writers of Tumblr I follow, I typically follow the creatives. People who show their passion by posting their works. It inspires me to see so many others writing their stories and participating in the writing community, so I aim to join in on the fun!