#i'd have little fake scenarios too for going over what it means

[brucewaynehater101]

Me: *throughly enjoying a fic*

Fic: *batfam starts forcing a character to do shit the character is obviously uncomfortable with and doesn't want to do all for that character's "best interest"*

Me: "Fuck."

[spilledmilkfkdies]

Hi, me again! I was just wondering, following the ‘what if the wizards were actually surrendering’ ask, if the wizards really did give up fairy hunting, what do you think they’d do? (Sorry if I’m sending you too many asks, I just really like your takes.) Thank you!

Hiii sorry it took me a sec to get to this one!! I'll put a link to that ask right here for anyone who's wondering, since it's been a bit. Never worry about sending too many asks either, like I said a while back; I'll get to them eventually! If it takes some time before you hear back from me, sincerely <3 My bad <3 Was a little occupied with another fandom this time and actively participating in both got to me djsksdk

Moving on though!

In my mind they've really already been living normally, like between locking away the fairies and Roxy's magic making itself known I mean- Of course the logistics of it are a bit um. All over the place. Considering they're immortal, sort of. Do they have legal documents? Real or fake? Did they have any mortal friends and how would that work? And JOBS?? The way none of these are obstacles for Duman btw, that's why they killed him, they didn't want him to roam and do whatever anymore. Real and Canon.

Now in a post-alt ending-S4 timeline, the one where they did surrender, do we assume that they just can't use their magic, or that they don't have it anymore? Because that'd probably change the way they live afterwards pretty drastically. Aside from the fact some of them heavily depend on magic more than the others (Ogron and Duman get help smh), HORRENDOUS case scenario, they might all be mortal. For the sake of my own mental health though, I'm just gonna say they do still have magic and are in fact not mortal, just give them a fairy parole officer, some magic blocking thing, keep them around and use them for "good" stuff after a rehabilitation period or something. That's what I'd prefer anyway.

What would they be doing during said rehabilitation period? Started out as a bit of a shared joke, but tbh Anagan model career WHEN. He'd struggle with the lack of useable magic the least too, so he'd probably thrive during the whole thing more than the others, and as he should. Besides Anagan I don't have a whole lot ngl- I mean, I'd like to think Duman had lots of jobs back in the day, not sure if I mentioned that before, but I might make a separate post if I didn't, just because I have thoughts but other stuff to talk about rn sjsjksk

Ogron and Gantlos don't have a lot either MY BAD, but I do think Ogron might be more likely to have friends, maybe surprisingly. Meanwhile Gantlos has a bigger chance of being able to hold down a stable job. What job? Great question! I'm not sure yet. If that changes I'll be sharing with the class!

Moving on once again!! What could the "good" stuff I mentioned above be exactly? Education.

Correct me if I'm wrong. But are there no. Wizard or witch school on Earth?? I know they ended up opening a fairy school later on, but those aren't the only magic users suddenly learning of the dormant magic in their roots. Let's take the comic character Gregory for example. He learns he's a wizard, he tries to enroll into a wizard school(?) off planet. Nothing inherently wrong with going to a school off planet- The Winx did it too, lots of magic users do it, what is wrong though, is being turned down and having no alternatives. And even worse?? They tell him it's because. There's a darkness in him?? Or something?? I could excuse it slightly more if it was a case of "Oh your magic is dark aligned and this is a light magic school" because wizard canonically are known to be both, right? But aside from the fact that, again, there are no alternatives for him, as far as he knows, telling a newly awakened magic user that he's basically too evil to teach is CRAZY I'm sorry??

Here's where I cutely insert the Wizards of the Black Circle. Have them become the place to go when your magic energy alignment is dark (because it doesn't inherently have to mean evil and they're worthy of education in this essay I) on Earth, or even just. Any magic user who isn't a fairy. Just give them another Terrestrial option, options are always good. I think that'd be really neat.

You might sit here and go "The evil wizards are gonna teach the next generation of wizards? Could history not repeat itself??" Well. Yeah. But are the Terrestrial fairies not teaching their next generation now too? The same fairies who canonically turned on humanity at some point? These are all 'what if' scenarios, I'd just like to think that with proper communication this time around, things will be different and both fairy and wizard get to work towards that together. I'm normal and have slept a reasonable amount.

[fili-urzudel]

Fifty(-One) Follower Celebration

Oh my goodness, 50 followers?! Thank you so much! I never expected this blog to get too much attention and the fact that fifty of you out there like my writing enough to follow me really means a lot. I am currently working on answering my first request, but I'd love to have more! As a little celebration, here are fifty-one prompts I've come up with (and a few I borrowed with credit).

Guidelines:

Can be platonic or romantic--platonic scenarios can involve multiple characters

Will only be PG-13

Any character from LoTR or The Hobbit is fair game, but for romantic scenarios I prefer male characters

Don't be afraid to combine prompts!

Physical Affection

1. Hugs that last a little longer than they should

2. Palm kisses

3. Hair ruffling

4. Play wrestling

5. Hair washing

6. Cuddling in hot weather

7. Sleeping in a dog pile

8. Pinky holding

9. Forehead touches (please please request this one)

10. Piggyback rides

11. Kicking each other

12. Dancing

13. Sitting together/saving seats

14. Hand holding

15. Sharing a blanket (potentially violent)

Dialogue prompts

16. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep after that."

17. "Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

18. "You always end up looking like you're going to fall asleep when I play with your hair." / "Yeah, it's relaxing." (These first three were from a post by @thelonelyempath)

20. "Don't you know who I am?" or "I don't even know who you are."

19. "I can't sleep without you next to me." (I've seen ones like this before, but I think the concept with other characters would be quite interesting)

21. "What do you have behind your back?"

Activity Prompts

22. "Is it so hard to believe that I genuinely want to hear what you think?"

23. Friendly breaking and entering

24. Shopping together

25. Teasing over fears/phobias

26. Crafting together

27. Taming feral cats/other animals

28. Pajama party

29. Battle training

30. Tree climbing

31. Stargazing

32. Swimming (lessons?)

33. Fake proposal

34. Walking into the wrong tent/room

35. Board/card/road trip games

36. The iconic trapped in a snowstorm

37. Getting matching tattoos/jewelry

38. Cooking together

39. Playing instruments

40. Staring contest

Meet-cute Prompts

41. Considerably less friendly breaking and entering

42. Not having enough money to cover the bill

43. New horse rider is Bad at riding horses

44. In need of medical attention

45. Boots are falling apart (reader is a cobbler)

46. Weapons are dull (reader is a blacksmith)

47. Stealing food from a field

48. I work retail and begged Gandalf to let me come along on an adventure

49. Throwing rocks into a body of water and didn't notice until too late that there's a boat

50. Need a fake partner immediately

51. I'm an artist you hired to do a mural/mosaic/stained glass window

[hueberryshortcake]

"And if you ever get a war without blood and gore / I'll be the first to go"; An Exploration of Draft-Dodging Activity in DuckTales Characters

Abstract

Obviously we're all asking ourselves this question: Would Scrooge McDuck be a draft dodger? I endeavor to answer this question to its furthest extent, and to expand upon these implications and the potential actions of his comrades were they in danger of being drafted.

Some notes:

It is past my bedtime and this is probably significantly less funny than I think it is but I'm a history major who knows slightly more about this topic and the "duckverse" as it were than I probably should; additionally, I am using this as an opportunity to pretend that I'm not supposed to be reading Descartes right now. god i love my life

listen to Draft Dodger Rag by Phil Ochs for the full experience. I too have a wracked up back, am allergic to flowers and bugs, get epileptic fits when the bombshell hits, and am addicted to a thousand drugs.

if I get canceled for this at least I'm going out with a bang

I said ducktales in the title as an attention grabber but I'm not working exclusively with dt17 characterization or context. I'll probably use what I know best which is the shows and a smattering of American comics

im american obviously

"what war are they drafting for" idk maybe it's peacetime maybe It's a wwii scenario maybe [elroy patashnik voice] It's Vietnam Baby! maybe I'm making shit up idk use your imagination don't think about this too hard or take it too seriously [<- guy who spent 3+ hours writing + read an essay about Thomas Hobbes to put this together]

Scrooge McDuck

Okay so. Obviously he is technically elderly and also has bad eyesight so like he wouldn't have to. Let's ignore these factors because it's way more fun.

For at least half his life Scrooge has the funds to discreetly buy his way out of military service. However, it is a well-distinguished trait of his that he refuses to use his wealth as a ladder to success. Given this, it is easy to conclude that he would use his hardworking grit or whatever and con his way out of the draft the good old fashioned way. He could fall back on any existing or faked conditions but I'd prefer to think he'd end up doing something round-about and ridiculous because it would be way funnier.

Additionally:

if my meaning is caught here.

Conclusion:

dodger

Goldie o'Gilt

Any and every iteration of Goldie can and will dodge the draft by any means necessary. The more dastardly, the more fun it will be for her. She will bribe an official. She will seduce an official. She will claim conscientious objector status despite having little-to-no qualms about violence [citation needed]. Barks' Goldie will be so so so sad and pitiful and say think of the orphans. 1987 Goldie will shoot any government official who tries to come collect her. 2017 Goldie will do whatever is most entertaining to her at any given time.

[Footnote: Maybe she's Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. idk]

Conclusion:

wholehearted dodger

Bentina Beakley

(Within 2017 context) this question is difficult for me to answer. Yes she is old. No she is not physically unfit. No she is not huge on deception. Yes she loves rules. No she probably is not excited about the government or the military. Yes she is, it you will excuse my being so blunt, a girlboss.

My conclusion?

I know she's an elderly British woman but Bentina Beakley IS Captain America

Conclusion:

Not a dodger

Huey, Dewey, and Louie

In the time of Vietnam my grandparents may or may not have snuck drugs to someone so that when the government went to do their medical examination this person was having wacked up symptoms and they were presumed to be unfit for service. Barks' triplets especially would be doing this sort of thing all over the place (see "Gladstone Returns" (1948)). The 1987 triplets could be convinced to act similarly.

The 2017 triplets may also do this, but it would inevitably play out differently, as former incarnations of HDL have generally relied on them as a unit to interact with other characters and plot elements, while the 2017 boys' strength is largely in their interpersonal dynamics; as such, there would be significantly more push-and-pull between the three of them narrative-wise. I could theorize further but I don't really feel like it.

Suffice it to say: No but only because they're perpetually twelve.

[Footnote: the Quack Pack (1996) triplets are more likely to be in the running for the draft (they're old enough to drive by the time the show takes place, so they're likely 16 or 17. The US conscription cutoff was lowered to 18 in 1942. They had better be damn careful). As Huey explained his plans to get out of military service, Louie would say, "Do you guys ever think that by conning our government we're breaking the social contract we've created with our sovereign authority and actually betrayed the self-preservation we're claiming to protect, much like Thomas Hobbes outlined in his 1651 novel Leviathan?" at which Huey and Dewey would look at each other and then say "what's your point" and that would be that. For the purposes of this exercise you may exclude them from your rankings now.]

Conclusion:

Not dodgers but only by technicality

Gyro Gearloose

Much like Leon Theremin Gyro would be pulled from a gulag and forced to create devices to aid the USSR cause.

[Footnote: if i remember correctly the USSR killed all the scientists and or put them in gulags and then got confused when they didn't have any scientists to help them against the US in the cold war. lmao.]

[Secondary footnote: Yes that was the guy who invented The theremin. he also invented a listening device that was hidden in the white house]

[Tertiary footnote: Gulag kermit]

Conclusion:

Not a dodger but mainly on threat of death

Flintheart Glomgold

yeah

Conclusion:

Dodger

Gladstone Gander

Gladstone would dodge the draft if he had to but his luck would result in his lottery never being pulled and/or the government losing his profile. Donald would be so fucking mad.

Conclusion:

fuck I ran out of space for pictures. I'm doing some of these out of order [dodgeball.jpg]

Dodger but on a technicality

Fethry Duck

Fethry is perpetually a college student and also (points to beatnik archetype) probably stoned out of his mind at all times. I claim the "addicted to a thousand drugs" clause.

Conclusion:

dodgeball.jpg

Dodger but not maliciously

Launchpad McQuack

I haven't watched Gomer Pyle since I was like 10 and I remember almost nothing from it but I feel like that would be his experience

Conclusion:

rosie.jpg

Not a dodger

Webbigail Vanderquack

she is 12 years old

Conclusion:

rosie.jpg

Not a dodger

Donald Duck

I'm saving my favorites for last. I know you've all been waiting for them. here are the Duck twins

2017 Donald I'm gonna be real I'm not really sure. 1987 Donald joins the military on purpose. Quack Pack Donald would really really really not want to and would probably try to dodge in the saddest most cowardly ways possible (I support him). he could and would fake an injury, any of those old cartoon-esque tricks. I feel Barks Donald may fall into this category as well.

Donald is Schrödinger's serviceman; he both is and is not a part of the military at any given time. Like the gods of old, his mythos transcends the limits of many labels and characteristics. He would love to serve his country; he hates doing things for other people and being told what to do. He feels a sense of duty; he is beholden to no one but his hammock.

[Footnote: Here the author would encourage the reader to ponder the wonders of homosexuality in the American Navy of yore. Okay cool moving on]

Conclusion:

man idk

Della Duck

Della would have no qualms about resisting the draft. Drawing on the Phil Ochs song for inspiration, possible methods include:

being 18

(pretending to have) bad eyesight

flat feet (all ducks have flat feet....)

asthma

getting a boyfriend

poor old invalid aunt (read: claiming to be caretaker for scrooge, who is soooo old and frail and can't be left alone, come on guys)

college student

working in a defense plant

allergic to flowers and bugs

addicted to a thousand drugs

Additionally,

Straight up just not showing up when conscripted

Claiming to be homosexual (she doesn't have to be lying)

Convincing the medical examiner that she's hysterical

Bribery I guess but it's kind of tactless

Becoming pregnant with triplets

HOWEVER.

and I have considered this extensively.

her ass would join the air force. like for funsies. now to be honest this is like a really really really bad idea in war time because if you've ever looked at the statistics (I have) "As Donald L. Miller writes In *Masters of the Air*: "By the end of the war, the Eighth Air Force would have more fatal casualties—26,000—than the entire United States Marine Corps. Seventy-seven percent of the Americans who flew against the Reich before D-Day would wind up as casualties.""

like. not a great choice

[Footnote: at this point my thought process is almost entirely centered around the 40s]

As a result I feel that Della may let herself get involved in the war effort in some capacity (ie nursing (she would hate this), working in a factory (she would hate this), being a test pilot like the WASPs (she would love this but everyone would hate her bc she's reckless and insane), or being an air force pilot if able. she would do this to be sooooo bisexual

generally speaking I feel the second that she was put into active combat or got bored she would desert immediately

Conclusion:

cupcakeinthemiddleofabarrenwasteland.jpg

Deserter!

In closing,

I spent three hours compiling this and I have more thoughts that I could have added but left out for the sake of brevity (ie thoughts on Daisy and the USO)

I'm sorry that I think draft dodging is funny it runs in my family idk

war is bad

not a huge fan of the draft either

big fan of Phil Ochs though. my mom makes me perform that song when we have guests over

scrooge mcduck says don't trust the government. or do I'm not your boss

this concept got out of hand so quickly. so quickly.

I hope this post is not a cancelable offense but if I go down for speaking the truth I'll do it with my head held high

I am going to go eat microwave ramen [it is midnight and I have to leave at 8:30 so I'm really cutting it close here]

[worlds-worst-ships]

After somewhat popular demand... here is an absolutely obscene fanfiction I wrote in 2021. This will either go down great, or horribly.

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*

How exciting. My alarm clock, once again, is going off right next to my head. Using my genius level ingenuity, I put four alarm clocks on my bedside table, all of which have a different unique design to them, forcing me to wake up and sort through each one until I turn the offending alarm clock off. I have my boyfriend set them for me, and this time he seems to have gone with the clock that has Hannah Montana's face plastered all over it. How very empowering. While still dazed, I groggily picked it up and knuckleballed it against the wall, obliterating it into a thousand pieces, as a real man would. 

"I'm sorry Hannah, but as empowering to me as you are, you've got nothing on Bo Peep from Toy Story."

"Babe, I swear to god, if you destroy another alarm clock, my wife's boyfriend is gonna kill me... he only gives me five dollars of allowance a month, I theoretically can't keep replacing your alarm clocks" said a softy, nasally voice from behind me.  

Of course... how could I forget? My boyfriend Ben was asleep right next to me. I felt bad. I knew he was always replacing the countless alarm clocks that I destroyed, but eventually, Chad was going to catch on and send him to his room with no dinner and no Fortnite for a week. Such a cruel man... A cruel, chiseled, strong, gorgeous unit of a man. Chad, Ben's wife's boyfriend... God, I wish I could leave Ben for him, but Chad would absolutely pop my skull like a grape between his mighty pectorals. I am not worthy. Thus, I turned to Ben and asked: 

"Today is the day. Are you ready?"

"Yeah.. yeah, I am" he replied, a confident look sweeping over his face. 

"Whats the name of the place you're getting it done again?" I asked

"Uhhh... Claire's, I think? I mean, I saw on a conservative Facebook page that thats where people usually go to get the surgery. The guy had a MAGA hat and a beer in his profile picture, and he works at a junk yard, so he must know what he's talking about" said Ben, climbing out of bed and putting on his spray-on jeans. "Hurry up and get dressed, we have to leave in an hour."

Yeah... today was the day that Ben would get his top surgery. I was so proud of him for getting one step closer to completing his transition. I know that Chad would just flick him in the chest, break all of his ribs instantly, and tell him to get back to raising his Chad-babies while he ate metal and drank beer, but I was going to support him all the way through. In the least gay way possible... I love him. Chad, not Ben. I actually hate Ben. He's so annoying, never just saying what he thinks, always saying "hypothetically" and dumb shit like that before everything. What an annoying little prick. If I didn't get views from his fans, I'd dump him straight away and stop agreeing with everything he says. 

"Alright, alright" I said, flicking through my side of the closet, looking for the best possible outfit to suit the situation. Hmmm... the closet.... it looks very comfy in there. I'd love to climb in and stay there forever to hide from my support group, but that would be the easy way out. So, after a minute or so, I chose the cutest floral blouse, some jean shorts that really hugged my glutes, some platform boots and a floppy brimmed straw hat adorned with fake flowers. I thought about using real flowers, but thats way too girly, which is offensive to my masculinity. 

After a breakfast of lucky charms, raw eggs and a whole turnip, Ben called us an Uber and we got ready to set off for Claire's. 

"Steven... I'm scared." Said Ben, tightly squeezing my hand. 

"Hey, hey, hey... whats the worst that could happen?" I said, forcing a confident smile. "It'll be fine! I'm here with you!" 

"You just ate a whole raw turnip five minutes ago Steven, I, in theory, highly doubt I can rely on you in the worst case theoretical scenario" said Ben in a snarky tone.

I nearly picked Ben up and Rikishi'd him through the front porch for that little comment, but then I remembered who the top was in this relationship... Chad. I'd be in big, big trouble if Ben came home with a porch wrapped around his neck. Either way, the Uber, who was interestingly named Guiseppe, arrived to pick us up.

"MAMA MIA!!! Look at the glutes on that thing!! My Grandma has made PIZZA DOUGH thats not as thick as that!!!" Guiseppe yelled, slapping his thigh and starting a small fire in the front seat, gesturing to me and saying "Come bay-bee, put it out for me"

I was extremely confused. Guiseppe was an extremely... "forward" man. I certainly didn't want to put a fire out with my dump truck of a batty crease, but at the same time, I desperately wanted to go off on him for harassing me and go on a tangent about how men deserve better than to be treated like this by Italian taxi drivers every day. But then I realised that I'm full of shit, and that I know I'm not actually a victim because this has never actually happened to me, and I climbed in the trunk instead with Ben tightly squeezed under my armpit. Then we felt the car start moving. 

"Steven... Why are we in the trunk?" asked Ben. 

"Well, thats because it's pointless trying to make myself a victim since I'm really not that bothered by it and we're not on camera anyways, and if the fire burns my booty, how will I ever please Chad?" I replied

"How will you... what?" Ben inquired in a serious tone

"Oh, uh, nothing, babe" I said, blushing as the thought of Chad running a rocket on my hips and confining me to a wheelchair forever. 

"Oh, fair enough." said Ben, letting out one of the loudest burps I've ever heard in my life. Then something hit me. 

Do I smell... turnips? Has that little pixie shit been eating my turnips?!

In a rage, I flung open the trunk, grabbed Ben by the head, and yelled an order at Guiseppe. 

"DO SOME DONUTS!! DO SOME DONUTS!!" 

And Guiseppe did so. As we spun around, I shoved Ben's face into the road below, grinding his entire upper body down to nothing. It looked like someone smeared tomato puree all over the concrete. Ben was reduced to an ass and a pair of legs. Sorta like this. 

"Hows that for top surgery, you turnip-stealing fuck?" I yelled at Ben's now burnt behind, spitting into what remained of his spinal cord. 

Then, as if on cue, Ben's remains bubbled and expanded, and he reformed into his original shape, and looked me in the eyes as if he'd just woken up. 

"What happened?" he asked. 

"What the-"

I was amazed. I'd just turned Ben into pizza sauce and he just grew back like a zit during high school. 

"I think my brain got destroyed, so I lost some of my memory. What happened?" He asked, scratching his new head. "Oh I should mention, I have Resident Evil powers, since this is an ideal world, and the creator wanted to add in a hilarious moment where you turned the freeway into a bloody pizza by grinding someone down to nothing. Is that what happened?"

Regaining my senses, I said "No, I just farted and you passed out from it. See? you can smell the turnips."

"Oh, ok, cool." said Ben, nestling back into my armpit. "do you think you have regenerative powers too? You should get top surgery right after me and find out. Although I heard they're a one-time thing, so be careful."

Unwilling to find out, I stayed silent for the remainder of the journey until we felt the car come to a violent halt. Turns out Guiseppe decided to drive his car through the doors to the mall, and park right outside Claire's. 

"Finally!" we both said in unison, stepping out of the trunk. 

"You know, if you want to pay me, you could always let me get a lick of that dough ball behind, big boy" said Guiseppe. 

"No, I think I'm just going to leave and never talk to you again" I said, flipping Guiseppe off like a bad boy. I should really film a 'why do good girls like bad guys' TikTok after that one.

In the chaos of the crash, it would seem that all but one of a group of protestors were reduced to paste under the car. The one remaining, a soccer mom looking woman with a scowl on her face, stood up, dusted herself off, and looked at us in disgust.

"You'd better not be going in there" she hissed, pointing at Claire's. "you know they operate on kids in there, right? You know they mutilate kids? You know they manipulate young girls into getting their bodies ruined forever??" 

I walked over to the door, gestured to a 'no kids allowed' sign and said "Bitch, please. Show me some proof". 

"Whatever. I'm still right. Have a nice day. I'm nice really, even though I'm not. Trust me." she said, rolling her eyes and turning away with no proof to give. "You guys are just... I dunno, sexist or something, I really don't feel like putting actual effort into finding an appropriate buzz word to call you."

Then what she did next will haunt me for the rest of my days. 

She knelt down and... picked up her picket sign. But... how?!

She's a woman... how could she be so strong?? That power... in a woman's body... anything heavier than a cooking pot should be impossible!!!

"Who... who are you?? Who the heck are you???" I yelled

"Arielle. Ally to trans people, and supporter of having their healthcare rights taken, supporter of groups that hate them, and supporter of authors who write uninformed bullshit books on them, as well as long-time transphobe. I love trans people! I just show no respect for them and block people who call me out unless they have followers. I'm so nice! Wanna try my apple crumble? Don't worry, saying I support them immediately erases anything bad I've said or done to them. Jeez, isn't the existence of Bon Ninary people so sexist? I'm only saying that because I feel personally attacked that female-bodied people anywhere are becoming trans rather than dating me, because I'm entitled to that, but yknow. Hmmm, I wonder why so many people hate me... Oh well. I'm a genius. I'm gonna go cry into a frozen microwave meal for one now."

While I wasn't surprised that a woman had just said something stupid and oxymoronic, being as I love looking down on them, I was surprised at her insane power. I... I had to fight her. 

But then I remembered that I'm not on camera, realised I don't actually think like that, and walked into Claire's. Jeez, I really need to grow up. 

The room we were in was... strange. There were way too many cameras. I mean, of course everywhere has cameras, but this many? There were even some on the floor aiming upwards... lucky I didn't wear my favourite skirt! That would be extremely gay and stupid and probably lower my strength stat by a few hundred points. 

We walked past the ear piercing section, and straight through the black curtain at the back to the surgical department. 

Ben's hand clasped mine even tighter, as if to say "daddy, I'm scared". But I know he wouldn't be stupid enough to show me any fear, unless he wants to be evaporated into nothing but an ass and some legs again. Stupid boy. Be a real man. Pathetic. 

Once we entered the lobby, things just got stranger. There were even more cameras, and the windows almost seemed... fake. Nonetheless, we approached the front desk where a rather snooty looking young man was sitting watching a lacrosse game on his phone. I almost wanted to tell him to stop pouting and flexing, but I felt like he was on the cusp of a meltdown if I offered him any sort of criticism. We stood there awkwardly for a moment in the silence of the lobby, where only the three of us and a man hidden behind a newspaper were sat, until Ben broke the silence.

"Um... excuse me?" he stammered

"Holy shit, you're fat and ugly" said the receptionist, looking up from his phone. "Why do you look like your wife has a boyfriend who treats you like a son? You look so stupid. Jeez. Probably a trender."

Blown away from his rudeness, I grabbed him by the collar and stood up, dangling him like a saveloy on a fishing hook. I looked him dead in the eyes, and spoke from the heart. 

"Listen here you antagonistic little cretin, if you ever talk to my boyfriend like that again, I'm going to fold you into a paper cup and drink from you on my podcast where I talk about things I don't understand, got it, you soggy onion boy?"

Seeing that I wasn't a 13 year old non binary kid on TikTok, or someone with half the testosterone he has, he backed down with nothing to say like a rat retreating into a hole. That was... way easier than I thought. Looking at his name tag as I dropped him into the waste paper basket by his desk, I saw his name was Kalvin. 

"So, uh... I have an appointment" said Ben. 

Kalvin pressed three buttons on his keyboard, and then reached under his desk and dumped what looked like a crate of milk bottles in front of us. 

"Um... what?" I said, puzzled. 

"There you go" Kalvin said, his eyes flicking back and forth from the security camera above his desk. 

"Explain, you wet flannel" I demanded 

"Oh, do you want me to actually organise a boxing match with you that I will totally train for and turn up to?" he spat back at me.

"Listen, Mr Inferiority Complex, I'm not a tween non binary TikTok user with no fight experience and less than a third of your testosterone, you're not gonna lay a finger on me you fucking pathetic clown cunt, even if there was someone who would actually take you seriously enough to organise a fight sports event for a sack of shit like you, you wouldn't even train properly for it you baton-wielding prick, so stick to your little games of lacrosse where you get ten times the protective gear you do in boxing anyways and explain why you've just put this in front of me before I fucking wrap the front door around your skull, alright you soft little sugarplum fairy wannabe tough guy dickhead?" I said, while menacingly flexing my muscles under my floral blouse.  

"Its testosterone" said Kalvin, on the verge of tears after being stood up to by someone his own size. 

While I was baffled that anyone actually found a sensitive little softie like me intimidating, now I was even more confused.

"But I didn't come here for testosterone, I came here for top surgery" said Ben. 

Kalvin leaned in, beckoned us closer, and whispered to us:

"Listen... I know this makes no sense. Literally no clinic anywhere gives out cross-sex hormones this fast. But thats not what *they* believe, and if *they* see me making realistic choices when dealing with trans clients, they'll stab me" he whispered in a shaky voice.

"You are beyond useless. Why are you even doing this?" Said Ben.

"Look, I get it, I'm trans too, I know I'm full of shit. But what matters is that *they* think I'm normal." he replied.

"Who's 'they'?" I asked

But before I could press him further, Kalvin backed off and said loudly "Anyways... since you're a girl, we can't give you the surgery. You girl. Stupid, weak, pathetic girl who listens to people on the internet. But we're libtards, so we're gonna give you the surgery anyways, because we like blending children!" he obnoxiously yelled, winking at the nearest camera.  

"Oh, Kalvin..." said a nearby voice in an Italian accent. "You know there are laws preventing people from getting hormones within 24 hours. You know that nobody is stealing your resources. And you know that gender expression and gender identity are different things. I thought law students were supposed to be smart."

We all turned around to see the man with the newspaper stand up, only to realize it was...Guiseppe? 

Mama mia! What a plot twist!

"G-Guiseppe??" Kalvin gasped. "But... I thought you were dead!"

"Oh Kalvin, sending a few angsty teens over to spam in my comments may be enough to defeat a child, but I'm Guiseppe. I'm not even supposed to be here." 

Then he turned around and left, after slapping Kalvin with his newspaper and starting small fires in each and every chair in the room. 

"Arriverderci, bitch" Said Guiseppe, flipping us all off and walking straight through the glass door, leaving a trail of blood down the street as he tossed bricks of cheese at the police officers chasing him. 

After that weird little episode, Kalvin ushered us down a corridor and into another room where a nurse put Ben into a hospital gown, which offended me because I wanted her to touch me instead, and then told us to wait. 

Then the doctor came in. And hooooooly smokes... Chad who??

"Hello there, I'm perfectly normal doctor Blaire and I believe I'm performing a top surgery later today? " She said in a voice that turned my legs to jelly. 

There was something about this woman... something that just made me obsessed with her. Something that just made me want to grab her and stuff her in my tighty-whities. I just couldn't get over how hot I found her. 

"Uh, yes, thats right, on me." Said Ben. 

"Nervous? You fucking should be, you she-girl" responded the doctor

She just misgendered my boyfriend right in front of me, but I didn't care. I was pitching a tent like my shorts were a homeless colony just from looking at her. But... why? She looks like literally every popular girl that struggled to stay popular after graduation. Like, I could scrape a carbon copy of her off the streets of LA. Why do I find her so attractive??

"But yeah, anyways, don't worry, I totally care about you, you're gonna be fine. I'm trans too, so I definitely understand the struggle." she said with a definitely not fake smile. 

Then it hit me. Trans. That was it. Thats why I was feeling such a desperate urge to squeeze one out then and there right in front of her. All over her definitely not disingenuous face. 

She walked out of the room, and I finally took a breath. Then, ten or so minutes later, the nurse came back wheeled Ben into the operating theater. 

The walls were very clearly made of cardboard, and the doctor's desk was shoddily thrown together. Thats when I noticed... there was a picture with her and a man on the desk. 

"Hey, I know him!" I said. "Isn't he a member of the KKK? You seem pretty cosy with him. I mean, nothing he does really effects me, so in order to appeal to people in the same boat, I can't say anything about him, but thats a very nice picture!"

"Oh, yeah, totally" said doctor Blaire, adjusting one of the sixteen security cameras in the room. Seriously, what is with those cameras? 

"Now, Ben..." she said, walking over to Ben, who was looking like a stupid little fucking sardine in his hospital gown. "Do you want the regular top surgery, or the really good conservative top surgery?" 

"Conservative...top...surgery?" said Ben, raising his shitty eyebrows. Bitch needs some work done, fr fr. 

"Oh, yes. Its really really good. I promise. Its just as good as the regular one." 

She seemed to be shaking and stammering, so I spoke up. 

"Okay, this is weird. Like, seriously weird. Why are there so many cameras? Why is your office made of cardboard?" 

"Ah-ah!" She said, moving closer to us. Then from under her doctor coat, she pulled out... a gun?!?

"You want the conservative top surgery, riiiight?" she said, doing that stupid fucking fake smirk she does. But make no mistake, I'm a chaser, I give zero fucks. 

"Y...yes!" squealed Ben. 

"Thats right. At least I can tell who the top is here." she said, gleefully. 

"Its me" said Ben

"Oh, right, yeah, sure" said Blaire. 

Thats when I noticed... the poster on her wall that I previously thought said 'live, laugh, love' actually said 'If he ain't aryan, I ain't marryin''. And in the desk drawer... was that... a confederate flag?? And a badge that says "I'm latina and proud"??? This bitch is CRAAAZY!!

Before I could call her out, she grabbed both me and Ben, pulled us close, and spoke as if she was terrified of something. 

"Listen... I'm here to sell you out. Yeah. I'm trans. But thats some scary shit. I need to get as cosy as possible with the far right so that when they kill trans people, at lease I MIGHT survive. Yeah, I'm a sellout, yeah, I'm a coward, and yeah they will most likely hurt me anyways, but I don't care. I'll be their token invite. I'll lick their boots. They taste great. I love it. The attention feels great. I've lied, cheated and betrayed my people to save myself, but so what? Terfs are very supportive when you're on their good side. So sit there like a good little twink and fucking enjoy the surgery."

Quick as a flash, she glided over to a nearby cupboard and pulled out... a lawnmower?? 

"ALRIGHT! THIS IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL SCHEDULED TOP SURGERY THAT WE DEFINITELY DO TO CHILDREN! LOOK!"

And then the machine descended onto Ben's chest. 

"IN THEORYYYYYYYYYYY-" Ben screamed, as he was blended like a milkshake in a diner. After a few seconds, the surgery was over. all that was left of Ben was a perfectly presented bowl of spaghetti bolognese. 

"Wow, for once in his life, he actually looks kinda delicious..." I muttered

"YOU SEE? THIS IS WHAT THEY DO TO CHILDREN! YOU WERE RIGHT!! LOOK!! I'M NORMAL!!! I'M ON YOUR SIDE!! THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THESE PEOPLE IS TO TAKE AWAY THEIR HEALTHCARE RIGHTS!!!" screamed Blaire, into one of the cameras. 

Thats when it happened. 

The walls... they collapsed. Revealing a huge audience of thousands and thousands of people. All of them, screaming like animals. MAGA hats, confederate flags, and inbreeding as far as the eye could see. There was so much stupidity in front of me that I forgot my own name. Sven? Sven Coward? Sven Chaser? Ah fuck it, who cares, I'm just a hilarious embodiment of a venomous content genre anyways. My boyfriend is a dinner. I'm surrounded by idiots. Life is good. 

"Do you see? I'm just like you! Please don't hurt me! I'm one of the normal ones! Please, use me as your scapegoat!" the doctor continued to screech. 

But her cries were in vain. The mob of zombies were upon her in seconds, devouring her while ensuring to use proper cutlery, because they might be transphobic, but at least they use a knife and fork. 

And that was it. That was what happened. What the hell was that? 

[blue-mostacho]

~Cherry Bomb~

Warnings: mentions of SA (not detailed), alcohol and drug abuse.

I decided to just change up a little bit the introduction of the prologue. I hope it doesn't disappoint you guys, it doesn't mean that the Billy romance is completely out of the table. That's not the case AT ALL, like, not even close. I just chose to change it up a little bit so it fits better the fic as it could lead anywhere.

I chose two songs to accompany this first chapter, you will find a symbol with the name of the song right at the beginning. As you read the chapter, the symbol will appear signaling the moment you need to play the songs and when to stop them.

Before you start reading it, please read the prologue for full context.

You can find it here.

I hope you enjoy!

Previous part (prologue), just in case bc I panic xd

Chapter One - Bruises and burgers.

★ Afraid - The neighborhood

☆ Kickstar my heart - Mötley Crüe

The tick-tack coming from the clock hanging on the wall is giving me an eye tick. I roll my eyes as the boredom is driving me nuts, yawning I stretch my back, lifting my arms. Another shitty day at work with shitty customers and shitty coworkers. I'm not very fond of people, I've never really had a lot of friends, in fact, I don't even recall having friends as a little girl. Of course, I had a couple of kids with whom I would play at recess, but that was it. In high school, I would hang out with different groups of people, but I never felt like I really belonged to any of them. It wasn't their fault though, I just didn't feel that way, you know? Like, I never had no one to rely on. On the other hand people didn't seem very pleased with my presence either, so...

It never bothered me too much, I liked being alone. I used to spend a lot of time in my head, making up stories of all sorts, fake scenarios and adventures. I had fun that way. My whole life revolved around books and comics, movies, and any other medium that would enrich my imagination. Although I must say that over the last few years, I have met some wonderful people, like Don. I met Don a couple of years ago, I'd landed a pretty decent job at an arcade in California, and the paycheck wasn't bad at all, he was my coworker. He wasn't into video games or comic books, but he needed the money to pay for school loans. Since I liked working there, the thought of settling down, getting a small room in a shared apartment, and starting a new life didn't sound bad at all. I did for a while, I was 20 at the time. I'd spent two years on the road and it was starting to take a toll on me. Everything was going well, but remember what I said about never having a real group of friends? Yeah, well, I actually had one for a short time. ★ I used to do night shifts at a local bar since I needed the extra cash to fix my car, which had broken down. When I said I had a rusty car, I really meant it. Every night, a group of six people around my age would come in and spend the night playing cards, drinking, and doing the usual shit people in their 20s do. I was the only one covering the nights, so it wasn't long until we became friends, especially since one of the guys in the group had his eyes on me. I liked hanging out with them. Soon, my shifts stopped feeling like work. Most of the nights they were the only customers, so I would just sit at the table with them and play poker until the end of my shift.

In the beginning, everything was fine, just a handful of wannabe adults having fun here and there, nothing special. But as the weeks went by, I started to notice small but weird details, I brushed them off. After all, they were in their twenties, living in a place like California, so of course things like alcohol and drugs were something usual.

During my first months in California, everything went well, I was convinced I made the right decision, but life wasn't planning on making it so easy for me, so eventually things started going south.

Don tried to warn me the few times the guys showed up at the arcade. I guess he could see something that I didn't. There's not a day that I don't regret not listening to him. I was so caught up in my own world that I missed all the signals until it was too late, and I know I deserved everything that happened.

With each passing week, everything turned more and more sketchy. New people started joining them at the bar, some of them were older, way too old. I just knew that they weren't just playing poker anymore. Slowly, they were going down a really dark path, and I was being dragged down with them.

I tried to stay out of it, but one night, one of the guys, Axel, showed up at my door. He was covered in blood, his own blood. That was his first mistake because after that they wouldn't leave me alone. I guess they assumed I was his girlfriend and tried to send him a message through me. We were actually pretty close, that's why he came to me when he needed help.

That night, he told me everything that'd been going on while I was nursing him up. After that, I understood why it's said that young people are stupid. Because we are.

Long story short, they got involved with some nasty drug dealers. I'm not talking about Eddie type of dealer. It was more of a drug network, they used to party a lot which led to them experiencing with strong, exotic substances. Safe to say they became addicted quickly, which resulted in consuming every day, and those substances were also expensive. So by the time Axel found himself knocking on my door, they were all in deep debt, and that's why he got the beating of his life. They did fuck him up real good, I was freaking out trying to convince him to go the ER to check for possible concussions. Needless to say, he refused.

After that I distanced myself from him and the rest, but as I said they already fixated on me.

Weird things started happening to me. It didn't last long though, just a couple of weeks. But I guess that's what you get when you ignore the red flags.

Don was there the whole time, he knew everything and kept insisting I cut off any ties with them, that just distancing myself wasn't enough.

I still saw them from time to time, especially Axel and Nadia, a breathtaking blonde with baby-blue eyes. I will never understand how she managed to fall into something like that, I swear she is the sweetest girl I've ever met.

I tried to help them both as much as I could, but it was to no avail.

Everything got too much for me on Axel's birthday, we all gathered to celebrate. I wasn't sure about going, but he insisted. That was his second mistake, and it was also mine. Don tried to talk me out of it, but we were just going to have dinner. They were planning on going to a club after that, but I'm not a party person, so I would just skip it with the excuse of having to work the next day. And that's exactly what I did. I had dinner, and then I went home, or at least I tried.

I will never forget that night. It was dark, the dining place we chose wasn't far from my home so I didn't take the car.

To this day if I close my eyes I can still feel the pain radiating through my body.

I would've ended up worse than Axel the night he showed up at my house if it wasn't for a couple of passers-by, but i was too late anyway. By the time the two strangers interfered, the other men had already managed to rip off my clothes between punches and have their fun with me on time. My entire body was aching, and the cold air didn't help soothe my already shaking figure.

After that I just left, nobody knew except Don. He was the only one I called once I managed to get into my house.

Eight months. That was the duration of my time in California. After that, I spent three months driving nonstop until I found Hawkins.

Today marks one year since that night, and I still shudder at the memory.

You're probably wondering why I decided to stay here after what happened, why not keep on traveling and avoid any attempt at a more stable life, or maybe go back home? Honestly, I don't know. I guess the contrast between this small town and a big city was too appealing after everything that's happened. Not gonna lie, my friendship with Eddie did help too. Of all the people that I've met in all these years of traveling, he's my favorite one. But I'll never tell him that, the fucker won't stop pestering me about it.★

The ticking of that goddamn clock still drumming in my ears pulls me out of my thoughts. I zone out a lot more than before, but I got used to it.

I groan annoyed, looking at the time. I still have thirty minutes left and I pray to God that I don't get any customers.

It's almost Christmas, so everything is decorated with tinsel and colorful lights, the streets smell like freshly lit fireplaces mixed with aromas of holiday sweets that had just been taken out of the oven.

I love Christmas, but like, obsessively. Although this year is kinda hard to get into the festive spirit, around this time is when I miss home the most. Reliving that night doesn't help either, it feels like my body knows exactly what day it is and decided to keep bringing the memories back on a loop. It's not like I think about it all the time, but sometimes it just comes to my mind like a slap on the face.

I shake my head, pushing those thoughts away, tired of the subject. I realize that I can start with my closing routine, first flipping the sign on the door as always. Soon enough I'm on my way to my car, not before grabbing some instant ramen and a few other snacks from the store. Sometimes, I walk to get to work, but the cold air of Indiana's winter is unbearable at this point.

It's a ten-minute drive home, it's already dark outside, it's almost 10 pm so my headlights help me see enough so I don't crash.

As always, I drag my feet to the entry of my roulotte, cigarette hanging from my lips like a ritual. My eyes fall on Eddie's trailer as it's parked thirty feet away in front of mine, just like every day. He's home, so as soon as I set foot in my house, I just throw my bag on the bed and rush outside again.

I make my way to the long-haired boy's door, I don't even bother knocking. Once I open it, the warmth of the house hugs my body as I make my way inside.

–Momma's home!- I shout, to make sure he can hear me. But I get nothing in response. I can hear some struggling, a frustrated 'fuck' coming from the living room. I look to my right just to find him lying on the floor with his arm under the couch, his neck hurtfully bent as his head rests on the front of the piece of furniture.– What are you doing?

–What does it look like I'm doing?- he tries to turn his head to look back at me, but clearly, he fails. I walk over there, swinging my legs over him trying not to step on him. I crouch, so now I have a perfect view of his face, it is red, and the vein on his forehead looks like it's about to explode. His bangs are bathed in sweat as he keeps struggling.

–I don't know, you tell me.‐ I try not to laugh as the words leave my mouth.

–My fucking arm is stuck under this thing.- he punches de couch with his free hand.

–How did it end up there Eds?- I don't even bother to keep it in anymore and a laugh comes out from the bottom of my chest.

–Oh it's just something that I enjoy doing...what do you think? My fucking guitar pick fell under it!- he starts out with a calm tone full of sarcasm and ends up yelling with a pitched voice.–Could you just help me already?

I laugh even harder, but I get up and place my hands under the side of the couch, lifting it up, freeing his arm. He rubs his now red, almost bruised, bicep as he mutters a "fucking couch" under his breath.

–You're welcome.- I let it down again and let myself fall on it.–Didn't it occur to you to just move it to the side?‐ His eyes snap up at me.

–Well, obviously not smartass.- getting up to sit beside me. I lift my hands in a surrendering.

–Okay okay, chill.- but I am laughing hysterically, which only increases his bad temper. His face turning red again.–Anyway, I brought ramen. Do you have any clean pots?.- I turn to look at the kitchen only to find the sink full of dirty dishes.–Nevermind.

His back is now laying against the cushions, he's lookin at the ceiling, putting on display his side profile.

Eddie has long, curly hair that falls a little lower down his shoulders. Big brown eyes, right under the waves of his bangs. We actually have the same haircut... kind of. The only differences being the orange dye in my hair compared to the chocolate of his locks, and mine has a lot more layers and volume. We're pretty similar in a lot of things, even in clothing.

His skin is pale making his pink lips stand out more as he bites on his bottom lip thinking.

–I'm too tired to cook right now.- he says with a dramatic sigh.–Why don't we go out?‐ He tilts his head to look at me.–I could use some fresh air.-I roll my eyes.

☆–Okay but I'm not driving.‐He shruggs nonchalantly.

A few moments later I'm handing him the keys to my car, as he enters the driver's seat. The sound of the engine roaring in the trailer park as he speeds off.

–The guys really want to meet you, you know?- I'm deep in thought when his voice fills the car, gaze lost in the window while i suck on a cherry lollipop.- Dustin wouldn't shut up about you after he met you.

–I mean, I will be having a few days off from work during the holidays.- I say, taking the sweet out of out my mouth, focusing on him. He's been trying to introduce me to his friends for a while now, I usually work double shifts so I barely have any free time. I kept promising him that I would find some time, but it's nearly impossible. After all, we are short on people at the store. But I did meet Dustin one evening after work, I'd stomped into Eddie's place unannounced as always. They were so focused on the videogame they were playing that I almost killed them from a heart attack. Kid's pretty cool though.

–Maybe you could join the D&D Christmas campaign.- My eyebrows rise in surprise, he's very picky about the people he allows into his D&D club. I've been pestering him about it since I came here, but he always would spit out something along the lines of it not being just a game, life or death situations and not allowing himself to recruit nothing but the best warriors he could find. Everything in a very dramatic way, just as he is. Even after I told him that I've been playing for years now, he wouldn't change his mind. Saying that the key word was "playing", and that it was enough for him to know I wasn't worthy of a place in his fantasy world or the Hellfire Club.

–Are you okay? Do you have a fever or something?- I tease placing the back of my hand on his forehead, fake concern lacing my voice. He pushes it away, not moving his eyes from the road.

–Shut up.- he laughs.–I'm just tired of listening to you bitching about it.

–Yeah, sure.‐ chuckling I place the candy back I'm my mouth looking outside the window again. I don't need to look at him to know that he rolled his eyes. He stretches his arm to reach the cassette of the car, turning up the volume and banging his head to the beat of Mötley Crüe. He speeds up the car almost to its limits, enjoying the thrill of the adrenaline as he laughs vibing to the song.

It only takes us two more songs before my car is far behind parked as we reach for the door of Richie's, I swear they make the best burgers here. The place is full, diferent groups of teenagers spread throughout the ample space. We make our way to a table and just as we were about to sit down, someone shouts behind us.

–Munson!☆

Next chapter.

[the-s1lly-corner]

If your still making requests could I make a request for Masky/Tim x FEM reader. And the reader doesn’t know Tim is a proxy until she accidentally sees him ‘Doing his job.’ 🩸🔪

Finding out Tim's a proxy

Ooo this ones gonna be interesting!!

Apologies in advance for this request, and any upcoming ones for being shorter (maybe) than usual <\3

I just took on a little art project !! I'll share it with you when it's done, if it's ever completed because!! I'm sure you'll all like it!! It's a silly fake creepypasta dating sim thing!!

With that said, anon I hope you enjoy!

Honestly? This was an idea I've been wanting to explore, since for all the other general characters I write for, its implied the reader knows what they are

But not for Tim n Brian

In most of my scenarios and hcs, the reader doesn't know they're proxies

Im still trying to figure out how I want to write this, in regards to my personal headcannons and aus, but!

I feel like, like how in MH, it'd be better for now to treat them like two separate characters with their own memories and mannerisms

With that in mind, I haven't actually seen MH in a long, long time, so I may be getting things wrong so bare with me

Obviously if you and Masky meet up somehow, Tim won't really remember

But I feel like if he did find out that you knew, and interacted with his masked counterpart, he'd be upset

Look I love Masky but the dude is scary n dangerous

Whether Masky has memories from Tim when he's in charge, I don't know

Assuming he does, I feel like he'd tease and observe you

If he doesn't, he'd probably do the same but more intensely; more in a stalking way

Regardless, that little bit of Tim in him would give him enough self control (and curiosity) to not really do anything too bad to you me thinks

As for how you would take it?

Not sure

I mean, I'd assume you'd be taken aback for a moment, maybe even recognize him and try to find out what's going on

I never really thought of this <\\3

But to make up for my lack of cool ideas for this, I grant you some fluff/general ideas with Tim's silly masked persona

Loves just sitting in a corner and watching you do things around the house

Everywhere you go, Masky is always hovering nearby

He doesn't really

Talk

Or emote, really

You can feel his body stiffen up whenever you go over to hug him or otherwise give him affection

You would have thought he was a statue

Should you ever nap with him he'll either stand guard over you or hold you in his arms

Again, he's all stiff

When Tim does return, he looks you over for ant injuries that Masky may have caused, only to be relieved that there isn't a single mark

You return the favor, of course

When they come home, you tend to any wounds they may have gotten, regardless of if it's Tim or Masky

Before you were filled in on everything you just thought Tim got into fights or fell over when he came home with bruises n cuts

Of course, knowing the truth doesn't make you any less worried

[thegeminisage]

it's time for...a dual tng/ds9 update. i'm gonna be real, i would strongly prefer to put updates for separate shows in separate posts to keep my tags/archive clean, but i tried to imagine doing that for all seven seasons of ds9 (which either run concurrently to tng or voyager) and became horrifically overwhelmed. so, unfortunately, this is the way it has to be. last night we watched tng's "ship in a bottle" and ds9's "captive pursuit."

ship in a bottle (tng):

to be totally honest, i probably would have had more nuanced thoughts on this episode if 1. i hadn't been sleep deprived out of my fucking mind and also had the Worst Day Ever 2. they didn't pronounce the name "regina" to rhyme with "vagina."

like, i'm sorry, WHO SAYS IT LIKE THIS? AND THEY KEPT SAYING IT. every time i calmed down someone would say it again, or catherine would say it again to menace me, and i'd dissolve back into hysterics. i almost couldn't follow the plot of the episode because i was laughing too hard

that said, i did glance over the transcript in the cold light of day, wherein i can (attempt to) read the name "regina" as god and the mean girls intended, and i do have a few thoughts, which are as follows

i don't think moriarty makes a good villain. i mean, it's just a sherlock holmes crossover, which i'm already a little chilly on because of those fucking tjlc people, but also, it's not...really star trek. also lmao him like "YOU FORGOT ME AND I STAYED IN A MICROCHIP FOR FOUR YEARS" and meanwhile picard is like "uh no we totally researched" dude. you didn't. we all forgot about him. please be serious

ALSO, we pulled him from season 2. they were like, "SOMEONE said 'create an opponent who can out-think data'" and they can't even say pulaski's name because that was such a cheap shitty move from a cheap shitty season. do not bring that shit forward. let it die.

the sci-fi concept of "what if this nonsentient npc became self-aware and wanted to be real" is solid, i'll give it that (and bonus points at the end for picard implying they could all be living in a simulation, WHICH THEY ARE, and there's also a theory that our world is one too), but instead of...exploring the concept at all and try to decide what the ethical thing is to do about it, they play this...cat-and-mouse inception game with moriarty instead. AND THAT COULD HAVE BEEN FUN. i was actually decently impressed when geordi caught that thing in his left hand and realized a second before they told us that they had been in the holodeck all along. tng doesn't manage to trick me often and i really enjoy it when they do! i think an episode utilizing that plot twist could have been great! but it's an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT episode than "the holodeck characters may be sentient, what are you going to do about it?"

the implications were also there in "the big goodbye," which apparently won awards even though i hated it - that guy asking if his family would be there when he got home, or if he was just gonna disappear when picard walked out the door. and of course picard walked out the door and he just ceased to exist. and that one episode with what's her name, riker's dinger lady gf. there is EVERY implication throughout this series that the holodeck characters are not only CAPABLE of becoming sentient but that they ALREADY ARE SENTIENT.

THINK ABOUT THIS A SECOND. that fake deanna with no free will of her own that barclay made specifically for him to fuck is sentient. the enemies in the klingon training scenarios. the guys in the westerns. riker's fake family. geordi's creepy holodeck sex doll gf. every background extra in the dixon hill setting. the alternate versions of riker and geordi from those episodes with recordings. the alternate version of riker on the trail where he was accused of RAPE and the victim he supposedly assaulted. ALL SENTIENT.

and instead of doing anything about this, like notifying starfleet and immediately disassembling all the holodecks and never ever making another one or AT THE VERY LEAST ceasing their use until an investigation on whether or not their use is ethical takes place. we just. put moriarty and his poorly named gf into a little cube and make a 4th wall joke. a good 4th wall joke, but still.

like, is it ethical to trap them in a holosimulation that they believe is real for the rest of their endless existence? there's no choice probably but if this is the hell they go through, if they can feel the passage of time between bouts of being solid in the holodeck, isn't it unethical to create more of them?? it is the EXACT argument made for data's personhood in season 2 - the holodeck characters exist to be therapists and entertainers and whores, and there's potentially an entire race of them in there, but it is LITERALLY PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE to give them agency and lives and choices of their own. YOU HAVE TO DISASSEMBLE THE HOLODECK. or stop making these kinds of episodes.

i will say that i was so worried about this being A Barclay Episode but like he was just in it. and that was fine i guess. like he didn't do anything horrible he was just there. i can live with that...but at what cost. good fucking lord. the one time tng has a solid sci-fi premise and they totally waste it on stupid ass bullshit

oh, yeah. the two gas planets colliding in this episode to make a star was cool esp bc one of them was a jupiter knock-off. i'm pretty sure that's not how stars work but i don't know enough about it etc etc etc. compelled me anyway though.

captive pursuit (ds9):

sour note right at the beginning when this poor lady was telling sisko that quark tried to fuck her...i like quark a lot so i wish we could like retcon some of the horrible ferengi stuff cuz it really takes the wind out of my sails. but whatever

i am tosk!!! it was so cute because like he literally is tosk. but then by the end it's a bummer because he's only tosk. you know :(

i love o'brien in this episode. he called the strange alien "friend" like 3 times and then proceeded to become his number one best buddy. i was so worried when he went into the ship alone that this alien was a big meanie who would jump him but instead he just smacked his head which was pretty funny

quark acting as a therapist in this episode was really funny. he's like, tell me about your problems. and o'brien is like, thanks i'd rather die. but then he does and quark is so pleased, it was extremely funny

o'brien busting tosk out really was the only solution and very cool also. o'brien NEVER got to do stuff like this in tng. "die with honor" i love that he got the gist of it and that you could see on his face that he went from wtf to honored and touched. very sweet.

side bar but ODO DOESN'T USE PHASERS??? how does he fight...he's so fascinating to me. i want to know everything about him

surprise sisko moment at the end where he gives o'brien the business and then o'brien is like okay yeah i had that coming but like could you not have caught us. like i was so sure you were gonna catch us. what happened. and then you remember sisko is being a hardass but he literally did tell odo to walk slower. i think it's another good example of sisko threading the needle where he has to follow starfleet's rules but he knows in his heart what the right thing to do is. i like him so much

TONIGHT: tng's "aquiel" and ds9's "q-less" (GROSS what is q doing on this cool show get your tng shit outta here)

[fincalinde]

For divergences, I'd love to hear your thoughts on scenarios where JGY gets away (and maybe comes back?)

Oh sure! This is something I've thought about a lot actually.

Part I: Run, Baby, Run

By all appearances JGY was intending to flee with SMS, a good chunk of his own loyal disciples, and the body of his mother. He was not planning to escape with his little bindle on a little rowboat and go solo. So we do need to consider two basic scenarios: a JGY who escapes with all the trappings (less MS), and a JGY who has to flee alone because his escape plan has gone that badly.

Let's say JGY's escape plan goes off more or less without a hitch in that he has a good cohort of disciples and some material means at his disposal. In theory it would not be particularly difficult for him to establish himself in Dongying even if he would have to be very careful in terms of what rumours might cross the sea about him and how he can play that. It's possible he'd use an alias, but he's got quite a lot of distinguishing characteristics (nationality, physical appearance) so I think it would be easier for him to sell a story of persecution.

His problem is that whatever the plan (and remember he's had to put this together within the space of a few days, though he has probably always had an escape hatch in mind), his last minute Burial Mounds scheme failed and the other clans are not decimated and too busy with their own problems to pursue him. They are intact and they are righteously outraged. Whether JGY has his disciples and his resources as planned, or whether he only has Hensheng and the clothes on his back, he has to keep running because the other clans are going to hunt him to the ends of the earth.

And yes, I do think LXC is going to be leading that hunt. He wants the full story and he wants to make sure justice is done if he was indeed wrong about JGY's character. Plus, of course, his very personal stakes in wanting to see JGY again. So I see this as a sort of race to catch JGY, with one of two outcomes: LXC gets there first, or JGY realises LXC is not going to get there first so he throws himself on LXC's mercy as a gambit.

Either way, Xiyao get their chance to really hash it out and LXC will get all of his answers and if not infinite time then more time to consider the full story (which, given the amount of information he has likely received at the temple, he has also had time to think about while on the hunt). LXC ends up in an impossible position but I don't see him turning JGY in. I can see LXC doing that and following through with the consequences (i.e. execution) immediately post-temple when he's still shell-shocked and there are others around to take over and limit his power to influence the outcome, but when the decision truly rests in his hands I do not believe he would kill JGY. Remember it took a lie from NHS in the immediate aftermath of the revelations to get him to do it in canon.

I think Xiyao would fake LXC killing JGY and part ways—LXC to go home and JGY to parts unknown. And I think they would both say all the right things about this being their final meeting. But I don't think either of them would believe that, and neither do I.

Part II: I'm Back, Baby

Of course JGY will come back. He wants to live so he had to run away, just as at other times he's had to flee or submit in order to survive, but it's always in the moment and he always keeps his eyes on the prize. So his comeback, to me, depends strongly on the state of the jianghu, which he absolutely will be monitoring from afar. And I'm sure he will also be planning various ways he can discredit the revelations about him and find another target. Like, oh, say, NHS?

It might take a long time, but in canon we get a good look at the state of affairs after JGY's death, and with JGY living in exile there wouldn't be a huge difference. The Nie are on the rise, the Jiang are trying to hold the Jin together, and the Lan are destabilised. Once the big hunt for JGY is over things will certainly settle down into the new, worse status quo under the auspices of NHS.

If JGY is out there alive somewhere, NHS has a very big problem. If JGY is alive out there and NHS thinks he is dead, NHS has an even bigger problem in that NHS himself is going to be dead within the near future at the hand of the assassins JGY sends after him. While I'm sure JGY would in theory enjoy taking NHS out personally, his pattern generally is to use third parties when it is safer and more effective. Maybe NHS suspects or believes JGY is still out there, but the only reason he was able to outplay JGY in canon is because JGY didn't even know there was a game going on. A JGY alert to NHS' true nature and intentions is a JGY who is going to outclass him.

So the way I see it, sooner or later NHS is gone and sooner or later the jianghu is in some kind of crisis that the mostly-weakened great clans cannot overcome and/or stabilise off their own backs. JGY's peaceful and prosperous reign is going to start looking better in hindsight. Maybe all that stuff they heard about him wasn't true? Yeah he married his sister but it sounds like it was an accident, and there were certainly fewer monsters and corpses wandering the countryside. Over time it is absolutely possible to shift the narrative—look what happens to WWX! He is still widely feared but he no longer has the entire population out for his blood. JGY is far more adept at playing the game than WWX and is more than capable of engineering a comeback once the stars align.

I like to imagine JGY showing up to rescue a jianghu in crisis, perhaps with cultivators at his back to win some crucial battle or take out some existential threat. He has his foot in the door and he can go from there. The SLYs of the world have no shame about retconning their own opinions, so he'll be fine there. I just like thinking about the moment when he and LXC lay eyes on each other again.

[dojae-huh]

I can't believe I found ur acc after about 3 whole years of searching that was long.. I read ur blog in like 2020/2021 I think and ever since, I've never come across someone with such a unique take on jaedo. I secretly enjoy ur blog ngl. I need to read the whole thing ^^

I liked how you mentioned that jaedo are already in a relationship and that was very different from my thoughts on them cuz to me jaehyun was still pinning on doyoung and it has always been a one sided or maybe even unrequited love..

But observing jaedo over the years till now, the theories are always endless. Like how I'm now sure doyoung knows very well jaehyun has feelings for him but he doesn't know how to reciprocate the feelings.

One day it's like dy can go well with jaehyun's little flirting remarks and banter then the next he's completely ignoring his entire presence??

To understand where dy stands will always be complicated but with jaehyun, how come he's so patient and so understanding to wait for all these years? Unless they're already dating, but that's a stretch. To me at least I can't see it like that.

If jaedo are currently going out, then I'd say it's very cruel to jaehyun cuz of what normally happens. It's been years, and doyoung only gives his attention to jh sometimes (oncam) while for jaehyun he'll break his neck for dy even at the slightest mention of his name.

One thing that helped me from ur blog was how u mentioned the thing about jaehyun's mother and how strict she was and the way he would want her to praise him by doing stuff like washing the dishes and stuff. It really put everything into perspective.

Jaehyun is braver than doyoung, that's for sure, but he's not brave enough to confess to dy. His teasing and small compliments are a way to get doyoungs attention to focus on him he hasn't done anything more. Same with how he washed the dishes, he'll do everything to make dy notice him but a confession hasn't happened yet I fear. (Even tho dy probably knows by know, and the entirety of ilichil)

I always ask myself this question who has the upper hand in jaedo (that's a bit toxic :*) but to me it's like who has a say in the relationship and how to move forward with it. My answer has always been dy but it recently changed.

The same way jh was the first one to catch feels (obvi) he'll be the same person to organise his thoughts and feelings if things don't work out with dy. I Wish him all the luck btw :( (dy is my ult jh is just a bias)

But if jaehyun suddenly pulls away from dy completely how will dy react? I feel like doyoung is not honest with his feelings, he might not like or even like jh but it's like he doesn't want to address it at all. (My opinion is purely based on observing them over the years)

I think the time for jaedo closure is a now or never thing. cuz with the military enlistment coming soon things might never go well for them.

Hi, welcome back.

Well, as much as it is interesting to read another person's point of view, to know how the same events are interpreted by a different mind, I can't agree to entertain your version. There are no endless possibilities. And it's not me being stubborn or narrow-minded or wishful-thinking, I simply considered all scenarios and scratched off those that are not supported by the facts from reality.

You say you observe JaeDo over the years, but it seems from your words you are too moved by the daily fluctuations. You look at the waves and not the sea bottom underneath. And you are talking about two grown up gay men like they are teenagers in Victorian era.

They are all fake on camera. Jaehyun, Doyoung, Haechan, Yuta with his Mark. It is not their life, it is their job. They have personas, images. Doyoung directly says his boyfriend pics for Insta is image, that they live the life of pretence, that he switches from Doyoung to Dongyoung. And yet, many still put too much importance on what happens before cameras. I mean, it definitely helps to draw the picture, but it's not their personal life.

Do a thought experiment. Ask yourself why would Jaehyun be still in love with Doyoung after all these years if all he ever knows is Doyoung being cruel to him? Is Jaehyun a masochist? Doyoung ignores him and Jaehyun instead of suffering sends him a megaton watt smile back his direction? When Doyoung really ignores Jaehyun, Jaehyun makes Doyoung's life hard (how it was in 2017). Jaehyun is not a patient guy, nor is he capable of yelding to others on things that matter to him.

JaeDo live in a homophobic society, but not in one where coming out means being thrown off the roof of a building. Dating a collegue or confessing, being rejected, and moving on is a much more usual and healthy way to pestering feelings over 10 years. They work 24/7 together, they can't afford endless pining or endless denial of feelings unless they are both internally homophobic (which they are not).

The common sense aside. JaeDo still pining after each other is simply not supported by what is observed in reality. For starters, there won't be any reason to pretend to dislike each other on public instead of being second TaeDo. As well as being censored by the company. They have to lie to the public because they are honest with themselves.

P.S. You watch too little content. Jaehyun said he is the type to confess right away. While Doyoung said he thinks if you love someone you should let the person know.

[mentallyinvernation]

Trope Game

Ahh, thank you to the lovely @bazzybelle for the tag!!!

I'm not picky when it comes to tropes tbh (at least I don't think so haha) I'll probably read anything if I'm in the right mood.

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don't care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it's a hard no and you'd never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you'd insta click out of the fic if it wasn't tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it's conditional.

Age gap: +4 I'm not usually drawn to fics with major age gaps, but y'know, if the plot speaks to me I'll give it a go lmao

Codependency: +5

Okay in angsty scenarios yes please. It's about the trust. the growth. the tendernessssss.

Or! It's about the dead!dove whump of it all, and yes.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +10

I WILL EAT THIS SHIT UP IDC. Less so obsession, but the possessiveness and jealousy? GOD. Sign me the fuck up. You've instantly won me over - especially if there's some kind of marking kink going on.

Dreamling are such sluts for this trope lmao

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +1000

ELITE. All of my favourite ships come back to this. You can't go wrong. Something something he was sunshine, I was midnight rain 

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +100

Look it's about the sexual tension. Are they flirting? Fighting? Nobody knows. Everyone is too afraid to ask. It's about both characters pretending they're not in love with each other. It's about the oh-no moment when said characters realise they're in love with each other. It's the star-crossed nonsense of it all.

I love it. God-tier trope.

Friends with benefits: +4

Not really my go-to but I have read some fics where this is done SO well.

Sex to feelings: +7

Yes.

Fake dating/relationship: +8

I'm such a sucker for these stories lmao. Especially if one character knows they're in love with the other before agreeing to fake date. The point where the lines start getting blurry between what's pretend and what's not is just *chefs kiss*.

Friends to lovers: +7

I mean, I like this trope, it's pretty much the baseline of most fics I read. But you need more tropes for flavour. Admittedly I'm more of an enemies-to-lovers person. Well, no, enemies-to-friends-to-lovers. THAT'S where it's at.

However saying that, Dreamling does friends to lovers very, very, very fucking well.

Found Family: +9

GIB. I love all the found family tropes.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

Yesssss. Sucker punch me with angst. I'll thank you for it. Just burrito blanket me with comfort afterwards. I love this trope, especially if the character going Through It is a pathetic little meow meow anyway.

Love Triangle: nope.

Just not really my thing. I've tried a few fics that have done this, and every time it's ended with the author getting hate from readers who wanted a different ending with the other love interest, and the comment sections were just war zones. However that's my experience with the trope, so take it with a pinch of salt.

However, if it's a love triangle that turns poly, I fucking love that shit. Especially if they're all being idiots about it. Rating for that is: +50

Poly, open relationships: +10

The only issue I have with this trope is keeping track of everyone's arms and legs while writing smut lmao. Otherwise, an absolute god-tier trope.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +3

Uhhhhh, idk It really depends on the context for this one. I don't think I'd go searching for a fic like this, but if it's propped up by some other tropes I'd probably read it.

Monsterfucking: +50

No notes. Another god-tier trope.

Pregnancy: +6

This is a weird one for me. I like pregnancy fics if that's what I set out to read, but generally, if there's an unexpected pregnancy halfway through a story I lose a bit of interest. UNLESS we're working in omegaverse.

Accidental baby acquisition is always a fun trope as well.

Second Chance: +4

No strong feelings on this one tbh.

Slowburn: +100

YESSSSSSSSSSS. Make me stay up past 3am with my eyes burning, mumbling about how these two fuckers just need to get it together and kiss already so I can sleep.

Soulmates: +1000000

AND THEY WERE SOULMATES. *sobs*

There are so many creative ways to go about this trope, and I love all of them. And then there's the world-building that goes on in soulmate universes. Admittedly, I don't read these very often anymore, but when I do they always hit so good.

Tagging (but absolutely no pressure): @sleepsonfutons @spockandthings @mallory-x @meadowziplines @thranduilland @phinofthestorm @beauty-of-nyx @serenailith @janimoon

[bite-the-bloody-hand]

On Trickster Path, Tricksterism, and Playing Tricks

I've been making my way through the Trickster path in WOTR after giving Azata a taste. I really like Azata, there's a lot of fun in there and Aivu is, naturally, the best girl. But I've been so curious about the Trickster path and wanted to see how Owlcat would handle such an interesting archetype. This isn't really a critique of the path so much as an exploration of what I've seen thus far (mid-act 5 on my own playthrough, though I've seen letsplays of a few path endings).

Primarily, I'm left with a desperate wish for there to be cohesive writing throughout the game. Not really something fair to want in a modern game, so instead of kvetching about that I'd like to explore how Owlcat presents the definitive difference between playing tricks and Being A Trickster. As well as just my general thoughts about Trickster path stuff. I have a lot of those, so please, enjoy this readmore. It's the only thing protecting you now.

Fellow Tricksters, please feel free to add your own thoughts and musings in replies or tags; I'd love to see how the rest of you explore this playground.

Tricksters are narrative archetypes I love to explore, and are largely categorized as agents of pure chaos... which I think is disingenuous and the sickness at the heart of America core of the fascination I have with the writing for Trickster in WotR.

More than just pranks and randomness, a true Trickster is one whose purpose it is to unveil the truth of something no matter how grim or frightening or yucky it is, expressly to inspire or force change of the status quo. That feels like more or less the thread Paizo was going for in their original writing. Owlcat doesn't have the luxury of relying on Theater of the Mind to flesh out the worldstate scenarios we interact with, so seeing how they've balanced the different types of Tricksterism is fascinating.

In Pathfinder WotR, mechanically speaking, there are many different ways to be a Trickster type. You have a sliding scale of controlled madness to complete mayhem to choose from. The easiest way I can think of to describe this is the Bugs Bunny vs Daffy Duck trickster dynamic*.

On one side you have Bugs: Passive, intellectual, friendly, open, cunning, calm, professionally effective. His antics seem random if you aren't paying attention to context clues. IE, his costume changes generally reflect the personality of his adversary, and allow him the opportunity to counter that adversary with their own strength. Favorite example: Bugs impersonating legendary conductor Leopold Stokoski♬ to humble an Opera singer. In doing so, he unveils the singer's true nature as a slave to the craft rather than a lover of music. His Tricksterism is generally externalized (tricking the other), in self-defense, or benign.

On the other you have Daffy: Aggressive, pseudointellectual, bullying, closed-off, adaptive, manic, dangerously amateur. Daffy's antics seem random if you don't know his tell - all of his costume changes are chosen specifically to make him look more heroic and powerful than his opponent, and his failure to be that ultimately leads either to his humorous downfall while also, somehow, allowing him to avoid total disaster. Favorite Example: The Scarlet Pumpernickel. Daffy once again proves true that faking your way to success will only get you so far. Daffy's Tricksterism is generally internalized (tricking the self), weaponized, and violent.

They're both Tricksters; they both harass and bother Elmer while attempting to also get one over on each other. Bugs' 'give 'em enough rope to hang themselves' ability to gracefully react to any given situation is directly opposed by Daffy's in-your-face too-crazy-not-to-work screwball energy.

In WotR, you have the mechanical flexibility to make a Bugs type (like me, call Zell Bugs Bunnicula) or a Daffy type. Or maybe you're a little more bodacious and overtly mean, like Foghorn Leghorn. Maybe you've decided to squish 'em all together and go FUCK IT, CHAOS REIGNS. Mechanically, you can do whatever!

But then there's the way your choices are reflected in-game. The way you interact with being a Trickster is so... strange. A real 'have your cake and fuck it too' scenario is what I'm sayin here. Let's start with your link to the Trickster Path, Socothbenoth.

Your Trickter patron being Socothbenoth is an interesting choice. I wouldn't call him a Trickster so much as a deceptive and manipulative creep, an archetypal demon who thinks he's more clever than he actually is. Not fully beating the Daffy allegations, but not nearly on the same level as Mister The Duck**. His goal isn't to reveal a Truth, or even to make himself look better, it's to Bully. He cares about things being surprising, revels in chaos and champions meanness, but at the end of the day his tricks are just... mean tricks. His deceptions are shallow and petty.

His manipulative schemes? WACK.

His comedic timing? WHAT comedic timing?WACK.

Yeah, sure. He's tricky.

But at the end of the day, they're just tricks. And what the Knight Commander can do to interact with him and the rest of the council are just tricks. For the player - the real Trickster in the driver's seat - there's no way to cater your tricks to your target unless we're talking about a strictly combat situation. (This is me lamenting the lack of variety in how your mythic path choices are written out, to be clear)

Socothbenoth is just mean and happens to also be cunning and evasive, but hardly seems to have any interest in truth or change... just chaos. He wants everyone to see him as charming and funny and a trickster, but he isn't one.

Barring Shyka - naturally - the rest of the council seem simply to exist as examples of alignment archetypes to bully and lie to. Not a trick in the true sense, all you're doing is manipulating them into fighting each other for reasons you yourself fully don't understand yet***

Which, I think, is fantastic. Shyka - the true Trickster here - chilling in the background and letting Socothbenoth run things until he either succeeds or gets hoisted by his own petard via Knight Commander. It's a marvelous bait and switch to set up Socothbenoth, and you only ever see it come to fruition if you play a certain way. You really have to dig for as many secrets and uncover as much truth as possible to really get one over on him, and the payoff feels good. Especially if you're playing for the Secret Ending. Yet it still comes off as pretty cheap if the conceit is you know to upset the council because you've always known to do so, because Shyka. I feel like there could have been something more to really pull it together, instead of leaning on the 'useless council' gag or Shyka's presence.

If you aren't working towards the Secret Ending and don't have any intention of betraying Socothbenoth... what's the point, other than to entertain him? It's not outright stated that I can tell, but unless you're really going for the gold all you truly end up being is this motherfucker's court jester. I suppose for those on the Evil Trickster path Socothbenoth's whole thing is more appealing, but uhhhh couldn't be me fam. It feels like Owlcat wasn't necessary pushing a preferred narrative on the player, but someone over there definitely gets the difference between Real Trickster Shit and Elevated Class Clown.

That's enough on Socothbenoth, let's talk about Thaberdine! I love him. Personally, I don't conflate drunkenness with Tricksterism the way the game narrative does, though I do feel like it was a missed opportunity to have the commander bleed moonshine rather than, say... gin. He really has the silliness about him and brings a special kind of levity to the path storyline.**** I like to imagine him played by Peter Postlethwaite and his entourage as a bunch of Muppets. Which seems to be what the game writers were going for, because Trickster Drezen truly does feel like a street scene in a Muppet movie.

Continuing on the theme of Truth in Trickery, I like that you have the option to name him King of either the Tavern, Sarkoris, or all of Golarion. King of the Tavern feels like the most true path for him by my estimation, but that reality-bending potential to re-write what's really true in the world is so neat. It's not just for the sake of the joke, but taking Thaberdine's whole-hearted and unflappable improv schtick and making it be true because he makes it feel true is the HEIGHT of comedy. That's the kind of thing that really gets me going about certain Live-Play series, particularly Dimension 20. Rewarding someone for committing to the bit is such a great detail. It also reinforces the later 'Game Master' decision you can make at the war table***** as something that a character who absolutely knows about tabletop gaming would do.

I think I'm about at the point where I can wind this up, for now. In all I think there are many aspects of the Trickster path that really get into the meat of what being a Trickster in the mythical sense really means, while being unfortunately hampered by the limits of game design. It's inspiring, definitely. My own plans for writing out a bespoke adventure for my character picking from both the game and the original adventure path are only going to be enhanced by what Owlcat gave us, IMO.

So... what about you? What do you like about being a Trickster? How far is my head stuck up my own ass? How hot or cold are my takes?

*Specifically the Chuck Jones era Bugs and Daffy. Their characterizations have shifted in some ways since Jones' day, and I feel like Chuck's rules for these two characters are a good foundation to apply what I mean here.

**this honestly feels a little unfair because writing Daffy is HARD and the fact that they really seemed to go for a Daffy/Marvel Loki/Jared Leto's Joker mashup with Socothbenoth is worth celebrating, even if it didn't quite hit the mark.

***It does not escape me that a lot of the Trickster path writing seems slanted towards making fun of people who read spoiler guides to plan out their gameplay experience. Or, y'know, make sure they hit a specific prompt so they don't play another 300 hours and get whammied by The Bad End. And I personally think the handwave that since Shyka is there and you merge in some timelines means you know exactly how to manipulate the council is CHEAP. WHERE'S THE STYLE? WHERE'S THE PANACHE? UGH.

****Owlcat I am literally begging you to let me play a chaotic drunken master moNK ALIGNMENT LOCKING MONKS IS SO GOOFY WHYYYYYYYYYY DOES JACKIE CHAN MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!?!?!?!?

*****I KNOW it's not the war table I just miss Dragon Age

♬Leopold Stokowski was a conductor famous for not using a baton, instead directing the orchestra with full body and hand gestures, which must have been a blast for the animators on that Bugs short. His reinterpretations of classical pieces are still a hotly debated subject to this day! Fans of Disney's Fantasia will also recognize him as the conductor for that production. Personally, I'm a huge fan of his work and highly recommend listening to his interpretations of Stravinsky's Firebird and Rachmaninov's Scheherazade

[thewickedbohemian]

Thoughts on a show CBS should give a second chance and a show that perfectly complements it enough that they should stay together

So Help Me Todd (#savesohelpmetodd #renewsohelpmetodd #wrongdecisionCBS)

Interesting opening

Feeling sympathetically overloaded on Margaret's behalf

Is she going through some sort of Lesson Zero scenario

oy Todd, really, tacos

Nice meta reference to show's fate struggle

Now that's a different way to commit a crime

Of course Todd watches Ghosts (or their universe's version)

Todd and his ego applied to funeral arrangements, holy Hamilton

nice to see more Todd and Lyle even if it is "Lyle after dentist"

Ok Folding backstory please, why does he have a server despite not showing up at work

Of course Lyle's the sysadmin

LYLE SAID THE SHIPNAME!

What is with everyone and the really obnoxious patterns this episode (some might be fine on their own but not all at once!)

OK this just turned into a Shakespearean comedy

I really hope more seasons of this show mean more of Todd pretending to be a lawyer (perhaps as potential foreshadowing)

Did Todd-as-Folding, Susan and Lyle just pull a Leverage and let's go steal a client?

Hmm... wonder if more seasons might reveal some identity thieving ring shenanigans as that reminds me of Veronica and there's still the Tuttle case implicitly up in the air

Again, Allison, a little too relatable

Very Murder She Wrote of a case crack

instance #2 of Todd making himself come off as a lawyer that could foreshadow things in more seasons

and Todd figures out what I figured out

and proof of the Shawn/Gus inspiration for Tyle

sweet ending

Was the part about trust the product them pleading with the network

Elsbeth

doctors, dinner parties that almost feel like family dinners, rejected partnerships, what is this So Help Me Todd

Well hello another example of how "kids these days" are the Elsbeth writers' kryptonite

First Grey Gardens in E4 now a needle dropera (I guess it halfway-counts as the Musical Reference Of The Episode to have some Carmen show up), this show never ceases to amaze

And Elsbeth gets more and more neurodivergent every episode

Worst foe of anyone with ADHD, someone else using speech-to-text

Hey don't knock the polka dots

oh how convenient with the doctor thing

Further proof why the shows shouldn't be separated, that reenactment thingie was totally a Todd/Lyle move

Thank you texts on screen

Elsbeth standing out against the white and stimming with things she shouldn't

Elsbeth, they're lesbians

I'd be concerned about anything coming at my face

Sheep placenta, ew

is this whole episode just going to have a generation gap theme

Hello symbolism (and good taste) with Elsbeth's love for Alice In Wonderland and her climbing through the statue and hello clarification on what she's here to do

Kaia saw, Kaia sus or nah

either way another couple-or-just-besties-coded moment with the sneaking up behind and that close to her mouth

Smooth trying to sneak the insinuation at Wagner's guilty conscience

Ok so what's the wife got to do with anything

Oh so that's what (fake chart info)

Thank you other surgeon for not making Elsbeth feel insecure

sympathizing with um actuallying someone about the law

If the shoes fit

Girls bonding over mod-podge and Elsbeth spills the beans, let's see how this ripples

[prismanga]

set sail, bitch. i'm reading one piece chapter 43, i have anxiety and acid reflux that i'm sure will be cured by it

WHO WOULDVE GUESSED THIS IS THE SANJI INTRODUCTION CHAPTER??? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA

that pig-lion-thing is really cute

its ok nami, be a little gender, have a little fun

"that's so funky"... couldn't have said it better myself it looks fun :D

was it intentional that the marines' logo looks so much like a pair of boobs seen from above or am i just being really gay about it

i'm going to absolutely lose my motherfucking shit

ironfist fullbody. can i legally change my name to that? IRONFIST FULLBODY

they really said i'm stupid and i'm stupider

so, motherfucking ironfist gets in a physical altercation with johnny and yosaku, its not particularly interesting if you ask me. we barely know these characters at this point after all.

ironfist has bitches though! i'm not surprised with a name like his.

johhny drops some wanted posters, which nami seems a little shocked to see!

no time for that though. ironfist is sinking your ship so he can get back to fucking his bitch. thems the breaks!

all i wanna say here is its funny that luffy looks like a nipple.

and all i wanna say here is aw fuck

i'll be for real, i'd fuck this guy

there he is, officer.

oh so he's a really shitty fake bitch. awesome. i know the dick is insane

speaking of insane dick

i try not to reference the netflix adaptation too much, but i appreciate that they didnt just go 1:1 with the setup here. it works for a manga, but it wouldve been... something, to convince a broad audience of this scenario, to make it brief. i mean, shit, luffy accidentally fucking cannonballed him.

"hey guys, do you think luffy, who is commonly getting himself into some stupid bullshit, is getting into some stupid bullshit right now?" "it's likely, but lets take advantage of the situation"

the fact of the matter is, if some guy was actively smoking in front of me and trying to usher me away to drink with him, the worst part of my brain would be like, this guy sucks, let's humor him

anyway

its just a little extra protein, sir!

"why is there a bug in my soup?" "what's a bug lol" (WHAM)

so, ironcock fullfist goes off on sanji, and even though he is a piece of shit, he is pretty justified in being angry over this

now this next part is kind of weird. it's implied sanji does something unspeakable off-screen, i guess?

the panels play out in the order i just showed. huh? i guess it all had to be tied up neatly in two pages-- still, its very weird that all of a sudden ironfuck is a bloody mess, its not even clear what sanji did to him. smack him?

to tie up this chapter, a very very important q&a moment that really spoke to me:

did you know for quite a while of reading any shonen jump volume i could get my hands on, i thought the damn series was called "nep egg." i don't have a memory of ever reading the included one piece chapters (sorry...! i'm making up for it now) so maybe that's why i didn't notice other parts of the magazine clearly labelling it "one piece" when the logo wasn't present...

anyway, besides embarrassing myself, i'm going to all point out a very important thing to you:

is that right?

that's just like...

REAL SHIT

CLOSING THOUGHTS:

[goro-majima-second-wife]

can you do ALL the OC asks for miyumi? If that's too much, 15-24 and also 3 ? <3

Alrighty!! I've already answered 3, 9+10, and 20- so I guess I'll just do the rest of them!

This got SUPER DUPER long, so I'm putting it under a read more <3

1 ) How would your character react to one of the canonical protagonists stepping in to protect them?

Stunned mostly? I mean, her husband saved her from a mugging like twice (once in 1988 and another time in 2005) and she fell absolutely head over heels for him both times-

Anyone else though? She'd certainly be thankful and give them something for their troubles, but Goro specifically? Oh she would be ALL over the guy-

2 ) How does your character react when they see a fight starting in the street? Do they intervene? Cheer on the side? Join in?

In her heart? She would join…. But I think she would cheer on the sidelines. Just absolutely HOLLERING- "KICK THEIR DICK IN!!!!!!!!!"- ok maybe not that exactly, but you KNOW she's thinking it-

4 ) Could your character win a fight against any of the canonical protagonists? Which one(s)?

That would be a solid no- But that doesn't mean she wouldn't try! But I don't think she would consider any fight a real fight if one of the parties doesn't fight back- (looking at you Kiryu- dude she wants to fight you soooo bad-)

5 ) If your character got to be a protagonist or main character in a canonical game, what city would the story be set in?

Probably somewhere in Yokohama? But old school. Not current day. Maybe even hop around a little bit- go to old school Kamurocho, and eventually end in Sotenbori.

6 ) If your character got to be a protagonist or main character in a canonical game, when would the story be set?

I'd say? 1981! Back when Miyumi was running her old biker gang. She'd be around 19 at the time, but my god was she ruthless. She used to really idolize the yakuza back then, so her gang was more or less ran like her idea of how a yakuza family was. She even called it the Satou Family. She used to even swipe other gangs and assimilated them into her own gang as other 'families'. If there was a game with her? It would probably follow her and her gang in their heyday, and then how it dissolved. I think the epilogue would be around 1988, after she moved to Sotenbori and right when she got hired to work in Club Sunshine.

7 ) What would your character be like if they appeared in Ishin (or Kenzan)?

I do have Ishin and Kenzan versions of Miyumi!

Ishin!Miyumi is named Takigawa and is an Oiran, who essentially fakes her own death via assassination, runs away, and somehow ends up getting married to Souji. She also changes her name to Mego, which was her name before she was sold off. She's a drunkard, and no one is quite sure how she got to the rank she was? But she's hot. so. <3 (Once I play Ishin Kiwami I'll probably have more to say here, but there's what we got for now!)

Kenzan!Miyumi is an ex-courtesan turned bandit! She's more often than not covered in blood, and wields a tetsubo! She also named herself Tetsu since she's strong like iron! She's also lived with guys for probably a little too long, but I say good for her! Also she is quite the womanizer if I do say so myself- I mean. Have you seen her arms? BEEFED! UP! She is quite loyal to Baiken though. Well- up until he just kinda disappears.

8 ) What would your character be like if they appeared in Dead Souls, or a Dead Souls spinoff?

Scared but having fun <3 Ok no but for real, with Dead souls being my favorite game, I've been working on a fic with Miyumi in this scenario- Brief rundown here, but? Ok so Miyumi's going through her basic routine and setting up her bar for the night, and then zombies show up and she panics, grabs a gun (that Goro gave her because of course he fucking did) and makes her way over to the hotel district in order to find some place to hole herself up into. All the while she's panicking because she can't seem to get in contact with her husband, and she SWEARS that she saw him going into a hostess club, but every time she tries to find him, she has either just missed him or zombies are in the way-

Overall? She's pretty panicked, scared, and probably being dramatic and decked out in some type of Rambo style outfit mixed with Lara Croft and kinda covered in either glitter or sequins- wielding a pink, bedazzled pistol- Just filling zombies with lead and having horrible aim <3

11 ) What’s your character’s favourite canonical restaurant? Which canonical restaurant do they eat at most often? Which canonical restaurant is their least favourite?

Miyumi's favorite restaurant is probably Kanrai, and her favorite dish there is the harami (Grade A of course). But you're more likely to find her at Smile Burger getting a basic old hamburger. She doesn't like Wette Kitchen- not because of the menu or anything, she just doesn't like the name.

12 ) What is your character most likely to purchase at the pawn shop? what are they most likely to pawn off?

I think she's most likely to buy jewelry and perfumes? Oh and maybe a dagger if she's feeling spicy~

Pawning off wise though? I'm thinking plates or random heat boost drinks that she has an excess of.

13 ) What sort of canon gear would your character equip?

Probably the bloody binding? It seems like something she'd find and keep- hell, it'd probably remind her of her old biking days!

14 ) What does/would your character like to do on a night out in Kamurocho?

Go to the host clubs <3 And drink- Miyumi dearest was quite the partier. These days though? She's more likely to just take in the sights, maybe rest in a bar and relax.

15 ) Your character finds themselves snowed in at the mountain village from y5. What do they do?

Cry and complain about how cold it is- probably be all dramatic like "Oh woe is me!!! This is my life now!! Some poor city girl LOST to the snowy peaks…" and then probably just live life until someone comes along and gets her out of there. She likes the snow, but not that much…

16 ) Would your character sing karaoke? If they had to sing one of the canonical karaoke songs, which would they choose?

Oh absolutely! Miyumi's favorite songs are Rouge of Love and Heartbreak Mermaid! I like to think that Goro and her go out to sing almost every weekend, or when they get the time.

17 ) Would your character be good at disco dancing?

Probably not. Miyumi walks up to the dance floor and everyone just knows that she's gonna absolutely bomb. At least she has fun!

18 ) Which canon character would/does your character get along best with? Why?

I'd automatically say Goro? Y'know, since he's her husband n all- But I as much as I headcanon them being damn near perfect together? I don't think everything is really perfect there- They try their best though <333

But for realsies? If they ever met? I think she would get along really well with Hamako! Honest to god I don't know why? I just think they would get along well- maybe it's the vibes. Epic win for GILFs everywhere <3

19 ) Which canon character is/would be your character’s worst enemy?

I can't think of anyone to be enemies with? But closest thought it probably Nishitani. I like to think they had a fling or two back in the day that she thought was something more. These days she tries not to think about it.

21 ) Your character sees Majima being mean to Nishida. What would they do?

If it's just the Majima boys around, then more often than not Miyumi will try and get Goro off of Nishida's back. But she is also a woman who needs to keep up appearances, and part of her act is being a wife who let's her husband do what he wants. So if there are other tojo clan men around, she doesn't really do anything. She will buy him a bento though! I guess these days she's more likely to actually stop her husband and try to resolve things calmly. Good cop & Bad cop type beat.

22 ) What’s the most important canonical event your character witnesses/is involved with?

Y'know whenever the tower blows up? Yea <3 She did live in Kamurocho full time since about? 2000? So she was 100% around when the tower exploded that first time. Pretty sure she snatched up some of the cash floating around too. But then blew it all on alcohol to fill up her bar with.

23 ) What sort of weird stuff you pick up off the ground is your character most excited to find?

LOCKER KEYS!!!!!! You know how much Miyumi loves free stuff? Oh my lord every time she finds one she's already off to go see what cool new thing she's able to either pocket or pawn off.

24 ) What would happen if your character met ono michio?

I think. She would. Be pretty scared. But also very confused as to why he sounds a lot like a certain someone she knew…

[yanderes-galore]

I hope you like this idea. Could you do a scenario for Sonic. EXE with a reader who's not afraid of him, even after his carnage. Reader's is like: "You are no God, you're just a monster and i will do everything to destroy you".

To make this work I had to alter some things. Oof, I remember when I was so scared of the fan game when I was younger. I'm quite happy Sonic.EXE is making a come back with much higher quality games.

A/N: Oops, strangely my Sonic.EXE personality is a mix between Sonic and Pennywise, my bad.

Tormented Mind

Yandere! Sonic.EXE Scenario/Short

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Yandere-like behavior, Sadism, Implied murder, Demons, Fourth wall breaking, Corpses, Blood mention.

"You are no God..." You seethe at your computer screen, the corrupted hedgehog's face blankly staring at you. "You are just a monster, a cruel prank to scare anyone who downloads you. You can't hurt me! None of this will affect me in the future and I'll destroy you."

Nothing happens, you think you're going crazy until the bloodied hedgehog in your screen frowns. Those eyes stare straight at you, and for a moment, you hesitate on the meaning of your words.

"A prank? Oh really? That tough act you have is funny! I didn't know you hated my little puppet show THAT much? Did your favorite character die? Are you sure you aren't a little sad?"

You then see the hedgehog give you a mocking pout, fake crying before smirking devilishly at you.

"You aren't funny either."

"Which means I'm not a prank, right? Pranks are supposed to be funny."

You groan. This corrupted pile of code even had a cruel sense of humor. You regretted even downloading the game.

"Don't take my threats lightly. I'll break your disc... then I'll wipe this computer clean."

The horrific form of Sonic laughs, your speakers vibrating at the volume.

"Oh! You are a FUNNY one! You can't do anything as long as I have control over your computer. I mean TOTAL control, too. Want to test out how much electricity I can send through these ports? You'll certainly feel it from here."

You grimace at his threat, deep down wonder if what he said could be true.

Did this virus really have this much power...? It seemed sentient so maybe it could.... However, you wouldn't give in.

"I'd rather not."

"Good. It'd be a shame to get rid of a wonderful player such as yourself! You've been the best one so far to play with. Even better than these puppets!"

With that said, Sonic moves out of the way to show the disgusting 'corpses' of Tails, Knuckles, and Robotnik. It was hard to call them corpses... were they even truly alive?

This was still just a game/virus....

"They got so boring... don't you agree? Even when I used them with you they were boring! Their torment was the same as the countless other times I played with them. You're a nice chance for something new, though."

Something... new?

"Elaborate."

"Got fancy words, hm? Just because I'm a computer program doesn't mean you have to break out the thesaurus on me!"

Another laugh vibrates through your ears.

"You MUST know what I'm talking about, dear! The fact I get to speak with you even even you're not scared is entertaining! I look forward to our round 2~!"

You scoff.

"Rounds 2? More of your little puppets?"

That grin nearly sent chills down your spine.... They looked so bloodied.

"You really DO underestimate me, hm?"

You feel yourself jolt. You weren't scared... just something felt, off

"Do you really believe I'm just a game? That's what most think...."

Static appeared on your computer, by the time it ended the hedgehog was gone. You though your computer crashed.

Although when you went to touch it, something touched your back.

Now you were scared.

"They never assume demon. That I could just be a deity in a vessel. It just so happens to scare others you need to make yourself look like something from their childhood, then TWIST it into something horrific to scare them."

You hesitantly turn around, only to be met with a hedgehog-like creature sitting on your bed. His pose was casual, grin large and filled with teeth. He taps his foot idly before laughing at your bewildered expression.

You doubted he was real... it looked like static surrounded him.

"Well? Impressed? No need to just sit there looking so surprised! Not many make it this far, you know~!"

"You can't be..."

"You keep saying such things. Can't you tell it's useless? In a way, with my powers, I really am a God."

That grin never left his face when he stood up.

"This isn't my true form. However, since you like those hedgehog games so much, this form appeals to you, doesn't it?"

A gloved yet clawed hand traces patterns on your arms and back while walking around you. He was no game....

"I want to keep your attention for as long as I possibly can! So..."

His speed is bewildering, truly like the real Sonic from the games. He stops in front of you, red eyes fixated on your own.

"Why don't we continue our game! I look forward to winning against my favorite player~"