#i'd fucking lose it too
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actually i'm not surprised Mary's love life was a mess, and Elizabeth never got married. Like babes their dad went through six wives, and Elizabeth wouldn't but Mary absolutely remembered all the bullshit considering she was already 11 when he divorced Cathrine of Aragon.
#apersonwhotalks#like babes Anne of Cleaves was only a year older then Mary#imagine your dad divorced your mom#killed his second wife--your sisters mom#his third wife died giving birth to your brother who Ain't Doing Well#then he just shows up with his Mail Order German Bride who's the same age as you#i'd fucking lose it too#not saying she was justified in her actions over her five year reign but maybe she deserves some slack
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being ace means i don't get giggly or horny about omegaverse aka abo but instead become painfully obsessed with details in anatomy and world building
#for one the whole abo dynamic thing in wolves is false#for another the animal kingdom is SO wild#like. female hyenas have pseudopenises and dominate males#seahorses and male birth#eating your children to avoid them being eaten by predators#males killing children to free females to mate#community child rearing!#females doing the hunting!#CLOWNFISH#omegaverse#abo#imagine if your secondary gender is determined by the social dynamics of where you grew into it#mostly female/child bearing? guess you get a penis now#do you think all alphas have piss kinks cuz of territory marking shit#anglerfish...octopodes that hand off their sperm sacks to females...#i know a strange amount of stuff about animal sexuality i just realized this#did you know some species dont have periods? they just reabsorb the uterine lining which is fucking amazing and im very mad humans dont#do that too#on the other hand. ive seen abo aus where male omegas give birth by LOSING ALL THEIR TEETH and VOMITING AN EGG#my main complaint is that abo doesnt get weird enough (plz not losing teeth and egg vomiting weird tho)#also can we PLEASE think a little more on the 'birthing from the ass' thing? please?#listen you have a right to mpreg (and trans men exist) but like. PLEASE. that baby should NOT be born thru the poop chute#ik some animals feed their babies poop (and human anatomy is like half an inch away from the birth canal being the poo canal) but COME ON#also why are all the scents like. very specific objects/concepts#flowers and idk blood?#frankly i think they would just be. animal smells but with enhanced human noses they'd be easily distinguishable#my headcanon is that they act like peacock tails do. meant to show off how cool you are#the biting thing happens in sharks (tho i think its cuz theyre kinda silly like that) but it just reminds me of people tattooing bite marks#and not cleaning the wound or yknow actually biting their partner in the tattoo parlor?#i get it. i'd love to be consumed by the void and a non recommendable amount of teeth. but can you be more sensible about it
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couple of mello + near doodles
#death note#mello#mihael keehl#near#nate river#meronia#bright colors#eyestrain#been having fun w colors recently :3#these are the product of me really really really not wanting to do some discussion boards#like i don’t even hate discussion boards but something about them has been filling me with dread i’d rather just do exams tbh#i'm like dragging myself through the rest of this semester but it's different from last semester last semester i was losing my mind#this semester i've been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night and go outside bc it's not freezing but also i'm just so fucking done#with school i've been here too long i'm tired but i'm always tired and will always be tired it's tragic honestly i think i'd be more cool#with school if i weren't living how i am rn w my family but eh i don't have the money to move out so it's whatever and it doesn't really#help that i know i'll have to get at least a master's to really do anything in my field and the though of doing more of this makes#me so tired i think i might take a gap year after i get my bachelors this fall idk#anyways enjoy my doodles or don't if you don't want to i'm not the boss of you
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started thinking about the okipara museum artwork and i just realized what flower 18!kara is holding in it.
those are alstroemeria, which can mean perseverance and yearning for the future in hanakotoba....
#the thing that has me fucked up about this is that i actually accociated the same flower w/ hs!kuroba b4 i realized this#like i literally drew something w/ them involving that flower the other day. fuckin OKAY.#what if we experienced the same struggles with confidence and the flower that represents us hints towards preserving into a brighter future#kuro & kara being so similar in high school makes me want to gnaw my hands off i'm going to lose it#i haven't pinned down adult kara's flower yet tho#i thought it could be a balloon flower but looking at how the petals flare out i think it's something else#also apparently there was a massive artbook released for that museum?? i kinda want it...#i might see if i can get it through the proxy service i like#it'd be awesome if these illustrations were in there bc there aren't really high quality versions of them...#i'd try identifying everyone else's flowers too but that's hard when the details get kinda lost when up-scaling the image#osmt#karamatsu#18matsu#flower akatsuka#mj rambles
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that one post thats like "tumblr name a woman challege (impossible)"
#sorry for the disclaimer i don't want people getting fr mad#pamela voorhees#friday the 13th#pearbear#pear bear#fursona#I'm so pressed like you can't have jason without pam#he does all this shit because his mom told him to bro shes actually integral to his character#can you imagine being a mother of a deformed child and doing your damn best to raise him lovingly#only to lose him to the unfathomably cruelty of the deeply ableist world of 1950s USA??? This sweet boy who doesnt deserve it???#They took your baby from you for no reason other than passive apathy. Your baby that was your whole world. You can never see him again.#bro idk i'd be fucking beside myself. i think i'd go as insane as she did too. that poor woman. christ alive.#...She probably shouldn't have killed all those teenagers tho. just sayin mama i know misery loves company but like. take it easy.
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.
#idk what's up w this but like. the more intensely i WANT the more i can't bring myself to do it.#like feh example like you'd think bc it's ALL i'm on about. i'd be deeply IN the source material#and i have felt i've been away doing my own thing for too long i need to revisit it. i Need to#but for some reason it's unbearable. not bad. i just can't bear it. i do NOT know what's up w that#i wanna keep listening to a playlist too (hoping it's still up) but like. i broke away. and i am struggling to return.#AND LIKE. BEYOND FEH. i feel this about video games in general like i have to do something that requires no commitment.#labyrinth of galleria was great for this. for some INEXPLICABLE reason. it is just a COMPLETELY different experience#like. the feelings i feel when playing galleria vs like etrian odyssey where i'm VERY attached to my guys#the most upsetting side effect is i feel like i'm losing alfonse's voice like i feel like i used to be able#to mimic his speech patterns PERFECTLY. but everything just feels off or not cleaned up enough#and again i can't fucking bear it. like i am almost going to fucking cry about it. like what is wrong here.#like WHY can't i get myself to DO. THE THINGS. I LIKE. THAT BRING ME JOY. THE COMMITMENT.#i think i'm also worried like i don't wanna get to the point where like. my blorbos are unrecognizable.#spent too much time in my head and now they're all warped and weird. but like. like. for some reason.#esp if i feel this INTENSE fucking affinity it's like. i get in this weird headspace where can't look directly at it.#i should do ANYTHING else. what is my fucking PROBLEM.#does anybody have a cure. or do i just give up forever.
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no im still so unwell over this??? vince scribbled out the criticism of rody in the review of the bistro. help
Nooooo but literally. How he immediately discredits any bad word against Rody! It defo made me more convinced that the reason the party ended was because Rody's ex classmate made fun of Rody (and it is mentioned by one of the guests that Vincent can hear Rody very clearly from over there, there's no way he didn't notice that whole scene). I do wonder exactly what was said, since he's not afraid to be brutal to anyone that's not Rody.
If a customer ever treated Rody like shit in the typical way customers act towards service workers I don't think Vince would be too happy lmao. POV: you treated your waiter like shit and now some white french man who smells like an ash tray starts glaring daggers at you.
Come look at my smiling deranged blorbo!
#dead plate#limon answers#seriously he's so...#his ass was never gonna fire Rody for shitty service. Why the fuck did I redo all the days to get perfect scores??????? orz#thought I'd lose the game but Vince is like kicking his feet and staring intensely at Rody (in love)#I was stressed!!!!! when I couldn't clean a table fast enough or making time to talk to vince while doing the shift?????#does he even care if i steal money???#oh also the implication of Rody being willing to steal money...for manon ofc#I really wanna know Manon...though she very much haunts the narrative haha. I have my own takes on their relationship-#but its not too deep and would probs be best supplemented by some further lore from the creator#but i do know manon was probably mentally in tears begging Rody to care for himself for once. boy your bathroom is flooding!!!#manon thinking shes going to finally date someone competent and stable when with Vince lmaooo#limon.txt
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I literally feel like I'm dying and I need to see a doctor, but I can't worry about that right now because
My bank account is literally in the negatives because I'm too disabled to work and can't make money but I can't worry about that right now because
I'm months overdue on getting my car new tags, but it won't even start if I could drive it so I need to jump the battery and get gas which I don't have money for, but I can't worry about that right now because
People are still expecting me to be social across numerous friend groups and it's pulling me in so many directions that I'm stretched so thin I'm running on no social battery for the last month, but I can't worry about that right now because
I still need to actually clean the house, do the dishes, clean the cat litter boxes, vacuum, and do my laundry... but I can't worry about that right now because
I still need to actually set up my new desk so I can stream since I haven't been able to do that for weeks and streaming is unfortunately my only source of income for how little I make every month, but I can't worry about that right now because
My partner is going through a really hard time right now and I need to be there for her and do what I can to make sure she's okay.
#People like me don't make it man. We just don't.#I'm hyper dependent on others to the point where I'd be homeless without my partner#I'm stressed day in and day out I get messages from people who want me to play games or hang out or just chat and I can't even#find the time to respond because I have 12 other things I need to be doing and those 12 other things aren't getting done because#every single thing I need to do is preventing me from doing something else and at the end of it all my health is getting worse and worse#and as it gets worse it costs more to fix and I can't get on disability without paying for a lawyer with money I literally do not have#and I'm losing it I'm literally going insane I'm pissed off because I see people blame the country I live in or the circumstances I'm in#and they act like they can't do anything and it'd be wrong of me to ask them for help#and I know when I die (and at this point it won't be long) they're going to act like this is the fault of america or some shit#they're not going to think about how they could have helped#and it sucks because some of my friends DO try to help they really do and I love them for it but it's so hard for me to see people#who don't make much money and who are also in tough situations throwing what they can at me to help me when I know people who have so much#they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how#to spend their money or live their life.#and I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired I can't even stay awake for a few hours before I am too exhausted to sit upright anymore#I pass out and find myself without energy before I've even done anything and I'm only 29.
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see the thing that gets me about the human centipede is that you're either a normie going to watch a movie and getting scared over nothing of you're a freak whos going like WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?! and like both can backfire bc i cannot stress enough The Human Centipede is such a stupidly tame movie there's barely any blood at all but thing is what makes me be SO insane about it it's that Heiter's actor May He Rest In Peace just put his WHOLE PUSSY into playing him making it such a fucking enjoyable and hilarious movie.
Like you cannot go watch the human centipede first sequence expecting to be scared bc you'll get bored in the first 40 minutes of doomed yuri but you gotta embrace the sheer campiness of it. Nobody cares about the campiness bro. He makes chicken sounds. He makes horrible silly chicken noises. Are you listening to me.
#luly talks#NOBODY GETS IT I HATE IT HERE#ITS NOT A SCARY MOVIE ITS A SILLY ASS MOVIE#THAT'S WHY 3 IS MY FAVORITE 1 is the best tho objectively#IF YOU WANT ACTUAL GORE GO WATCH 2 THE POOP SPLATTERS THE TV ITS#ITS NOT FUNNY TO ME SADLY BUT I RESPECT IT TOO MUCH#3 has the best of both worlds bc its so gross and over the top BUT its also like. character focused#i mean 2 was too but its jsut a loooong drawn out torture scene#2 IS LITERALLY WHAT PEOPLE THINK 1 IS ITS SO FUNNY tom six is literally hilarious#but anyway ooooh you wanna watch the human centipede so bad oooooooh you wanna give it a chance#like granted the humor could just Not Hit but. It's literally just camp#go read my liveblog at least microdose in this masterpiece i am not exaggerating or being ironic its an incredible movie#and it has such a bad reputation for NO reason#like the scariest thing about THC is the poster#which is sick as all fucks btw#love the cultural impact this movie had also. but nobody appreciates it its so fucking sad............#i like at least 3 like. didnt lose the soul#bc 2 was six being a bit bitchy a bit of a OH YEAH? THEN WATCH THIS which is funny but yknow#3 is perfect 3 is the perfect end to the saga im so normal about the human centipede you can trust me around the human centipede#cant wait to start quoting bill boss like its my job once the heat starts rising#i'd learn to do gifsets...
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had another dream with darling in it.
it was just a quick blip in my weird compilation like dreams, but it's been the main thing holding me together today. it was nothing significant either, simply us waking up together, me wondering into my living room in just my underwear and a flannel to find him awake as well, equally just as freshly awake and clothed. we exchanged greetings, both of our voices low and husky as we tried to wake ourselves up. wordlessly i rested my head against his shoulder, leaning on to him as we stared ahead at the tv together. i cannot remember exactly what we spoke about, just general morning chat as we both were coming to our senses, but i can clearly remember him calling me lovely and precious somewhere in there, the warmth of his breath as he spoke against my head, leaving a kiss atop it. that's where the particular segment of us together ended, but god. it's all i can think about. how warm and safe everything was, the quiet and unspoken kind of love I am so unfamiliar to yet crave so heavily. not to mention, my dynamic with darling is typically completely reversed, I always have taken the lead, been the protector, being the one giving care rather than receiving, so this all is very much out of the blue to me. I know it's just my brain processing things and finding ways to survive what I'm currently going through, but I like to think deep down that was casper himself reaching out across the universes to be with me. I don't really believe in stuff like that, I'm a very logical person, but it's just so peculiar to me in a really sweet way :) my dearest darling truly won't let the boundaries of dimensions stop him from doing what he pleases, how lucky I am to have such a devoted love <3
#x. gush#🧡🔻#i'm really not well right now. arguably at one of my lowest points in my life - which is saying something from what ive gone through#so im really worried about my symptoms acting up and me losing touch with reality. but fuck. it was so real.#i could feel everything. not just physically but emotionally too. something i so rarely can ever do.#the texture of his warm skin against mine. his gentle steady breath. the safety of his presence in general. i've never felt that irl.#ugh. i've been such a fucking mess lately. please darling i'd love to be whisked away to the dark place if it means we can be together more#<< so worried about saying this because i have the gene for schizophrenia and have been very not like myself lately :))))))))))))
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just ended up sending in feedback about the layout to support. But I have to say it here too, this new layout is such a pain in the ass to figure out. I hated twitter's layout for the same reason, its so annoying to use and everything feels so cluttered and squished in and distracting... it's actually headache inducing.
I really wish I had the option to switch back. I wish there was an option to CHOOSE between the two layouts. I wish I had the choice to opt out of "testing" this thing.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" really should have been brought up before they even tried making this. It was fine before, and now the new layout is completely different and frustrating when it didn't need to be.
If I wanted Twitter's layout, I would have just fucking gone to Twitter.
#tumblr update#tumblr upd8#new layout#i'm so frustrated#i didn't want this at all#this was the last website I actually felt like I could navigate#youtube has become annoying to use#twitter is atrocious#i don't want to touch facebook with a 40 foot pole#instagram seems like a pain in the ass#it's slowly looking like I should just cut the line and quit using the internet altogether#but i'd lose all my opportunities to actually have a social life#and i wouldn't be able to share my art#but AI is ruining that too#and my social situation is such a complicated fucking mess#Like I want to reach out to some of my old IRLs but I don't know what they think of me or if they even want to hear from me#I deleted my discord without warning in 2020 and I feel guilty about it. And some awful shit was happening and I should have talked to them#idk. sorry for the dump. might delete the more personal tags later#it's just depressing seeing everything fall apart like this when I already feel like I have too many holes in myself to patch#or maybe this is just what my 20s are gonna be like. I hope not.
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tbh my grandparents are the only people I'll really never come out to
to be fair they're the only people in my family that make me feel I'm easy to love tho
So like I think I'm allowed.
#also they're my parents and I ain't exactly in cuddly terms with the other set I got#its them and my cousins I cant...yeah#fuck I still wanna sing 'time to be the man of the house' lmao what is my brain#personal#te veo venir Soledad#the rest is confetti#idk they got sick and I always thought I'd tell them but in the face of almost losing them#( yes that also happened last year)#my uncle took me to the beach start of the new year for like dunking your head under water to wash off 2024 and y'all the way I Dove lmao#mis ñaños too pero#when it comes to ppl I think I feel Safest with ( hell I all but left for here after that fight with mom)#who just love me like its easy I think of my grandparents#I decied along time ago I'm not gonna lose that
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I always think it's weird when people are like "why did they cast a pop singer instead of an actress, they should hire real musical actors for film roles" as if half of our famous female pop stars didn't get their start as child actors on Disney or nickelodeon
#idk if this is a sexist thing (like it usually is) bc they Did do this with harry styles & then i watched his movie and thought he did fine#but people doing this with ariana grande and selena gomez is ridiculous like. these women got their starts acting??#i havent seen wicked bc i havent even heard the musical i just never had any interest in that story (altho i love rwby so i'd probably love#wicked too) but seeing ppl do this with ariana grande when she was cast was crazy. and then ppl being like ''wicked proves she Can act''#is also crazy bc like. we fucking know. surprise surprise this famous woman did not suddenly lose all the skills she honed for her entire#childhood. idk why this is shocking lmao
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DUA AND CALLUM ENGAGED?!??????
#scribblesbyc#I'm devastated but she's so real for that because I'd lock him off QUICKLY too#I'm happy for yooouu I guess 😭#(I can't believe my bestest boy is engaged to Dula Peep?!) I'm literally gonna kms. I'm not joking. You'll find me swinging ong#Until I see a ring I ain't believing SHIT#They've been dating for like just over a year? There ain't no fucking way😭 How long did he date Vanessa for??!!??!#PLEASE as soon as I see confirmation I'm crashing tf out. Just forewarning#If I was gonna lose him to anyone I'm okay with it being Dula Peep I gotta say#BUT STILL 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#Like imma cry a thousand tears fr#callum turner#like imma need a period of mourning deadass
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