#i’ve known 2 other aroace people in my life

[radios-universe]

asking this to my closest friend who just acquired a bf after discovering they’re not as aro as they suspected even though previously they would say i was their own and only

they’re doing the same things we did together….. but only Now it’s romantic… only now is it special bc they have feelings towards each other? are they even noticing the resemblance???

Thought of the day: Do you love everyone in a different way?? Not like platonic and romantic love but like if you broke up with someone then got with someone a few weeks later, would you love them the same??

[minniiaa]

Sorry if this seems repetitive but I haven't been active on social media in yearsss

Is it true that there's a lot of lawlu hate on tiktok and Twitter? I'm so confused because there used to be so much love for the ship back in 2017/2018 from my perspective (Amino era).

The short answer: yes and no. Let me start by saying I'm not the best person to answer this since I purely consume on twitter. I made my personal twitter in 2007 like it's everyone I've ever known irl and has nothing to do with shipping or hobbies and I follow approx 0 accounts related to anime, manga, or lawlu. I just looked up lawlu a few times and browsed and suddenly it's my whole fucking timeline and there’s no going back and now I have a lawlu twitter (This makes me very happy).

So if anyone else has an opinion on this that is more in the community, please feel free to comment away. Otherwise, below are my observations.

First off, there IS a ton of love for the ship. Most of what I see is beautiful art (they got the nsfw ayo), memes, fanfics, and headcanons just like tumblr. There are tons of comments of people swooning over these posts, Lawlu IS one of the most popular OP ships after all.

There's just a vocal minority that are very against the concept of shipping and in that subset there are those who are very against Lawlu. There people out there that will literally list accounts to block that ship lawlu or write lawlu DNI in their bios. The same can be said for other ships, it's not just this one it’s any they deem a ‘pro ship’ (problematic ship) and Lawlu is generally considered one of these. Below as is an example:

The biggest issues I’ve seen with Lawlu are the following 1. luffy is aroace and cant be shipped period 2. law groomed luffy and the age gap is gross. IMO I think most of these people are just infantilizing Luffy as some goofy autistic kid that doesn't know what love and sex are when in reality he's very self-aware and happy does not equal stupid. Also he's 19 he’s not underage. He met Law twice when he was 17, one of which was saving his life as a doctor and Luffy was unconscious most of this time. Let's not forget Luffy's a war criminal kicking the asses of people 4x his age in a pirate world, age doesn't really work the same as irl.

BUTTT Not that any of this matters because you can ship whoever the fuck you what because guess what? It's ~fiction~. I could rant about how people can ship whatever the hell they want all day but I'll save my breath for now. (my opinion of course)

Also there are just mentally ill people who enjoy telling others to kys if you like something they like do. Lawlu shippers are just their chosen target demographic. Creators get foul messages in their inboxes, rude comments, just general hater behavior. Twitter is just a firey cesspool and all fandoms have 'fans' who do nothing but hate. We live in an age of negativity where being a hater is the cool thing to do.

HOWEVER, I see more people posting about why those people are wrong and stupid than the actual negative tweets but maybe that's because I actually support the ship and the algorithm sees that. Not sure how twitter works, nor do I want to know about that dumpster fire there's a reason I came over to tumblr.

As for tiktok, I don't really consume a lot of tiktok so I can't speak on it besides seeing cosplayers and cute animations/art. I'll leave that to the tiktok people to look into.

For argument's sake, I went through the lawlu tag and picked some lovely tweets to share with you so you can see the toxicity for yourself. Sadly only 10 images per post but I think you get the point. Thanks for the ask hope this was informative. :)

[prototypesteve]

Nearly a year out. Mostly good.

This is a special Pride Month (2024) because it’s been a little over a year since I first came out to a friend, and nearly a year since I began coming out in stages to larger and larger groups of people (a Pride network at work, and some more immediate coworkers).

It’s been mostly good. My local 2SLGBTQIA+ community was wildly supportive, and unexpectedly welcoming & inclusive of asexuality and aromanticism. Between August and October, I was able to attend three Pride festivals in western Canada, where I saw consistent and genuine aspec inclusion, with asexual and aromantics openly marching in the Calgary and Vancouver Pride parades. I joined and took on an organizing role in my workplace’s 200+ member Pride Team Member Network (reminiscent of the Pride Society in Alice Oseman’s Loveless). I even took up overseas international travel, visiting England for the first time, on a bit of an Osemanverse fan pilgrimage, where I accidentally had a very heart-healing series of encounters with God. I’ve been openly aroace at work, and among my makerspace hobby peers, where I’ve met a surprising number of other aces and aros (five or six, but considering how rare we are, that’s like knowing five or six unicorns in real life)! I’ve even led workplace workshops on other 2SLGBTQIA+ issues, like pronouns and gender-inclusive language. It’s been mostly good.

There’s been some bad, too. I stumbled through coming out to some evangelical friends I’ve known since the early 2000s. I still haven’t come out to my tiny immediate family. I don’t know how to come out to my two “mistaken exes”—platonic friends from before any of us had heard words like asexual, aromantic, or amatonormativity and allonormativity. And of course, I ran into all the wild dysfunction on Reddit, and the pockets of aphobia on Tumblr. Those things all happened on top of the many dark moments where I thought about the decades I spent not understanding that I was asexual or aromantic, and how that left me with a psyche that’s made almost entirely of emotional scar tissue.

But the bad was minor compared to the good.

I know who I am, and what I am. I know that this is the way God made me. Others know that I know that, too. I’ve had more than a few people tell me they’ve seen a change in me.

Happy Pride Month!

Photo 1: The tiny aroace flag I hid on the visor of my Mandalorian costume as I experimented with coming out as aroace at Maker Faire in May of 2023 (no one noticed, and I stayed quiet.)

Photo 2: The workplace Pride Team Member Network barbecue on June 23, 2023 where I had every intention of telling someone and just coming out, but where I caved and instead offered to take some photos as a staff photographer. I would come out to in 200+ person Pride Team Member Network group chat a just under a week later on June 29th, 2023.

[arandombiped]

yall help I broke off a friendship over text but I messed up big time by leaving it open-ended because now I am a jittery ball of anxiety trying not to explode

context under the cut, cw for transphobia/enbyphobia

So I’ve known this guy since we were like 7 (we’re both 17). We live down the street from each other, we had a lot of similar interests and stuff, but once I started questioning my identity and figuring things out, he was pretty resistant to me changing. When I told him I was aroace, he basically just said no, and that I just had to wait for the right guy. When I told him I was enby, I learned from my mistakes and told him over text. He never responded. He never changed what he called me.

This past Monday, I texted him this:

Hey I know it’s been a while since we brought up my pronouns, so I wanted to ask your comfort level on actually using they/them for me 

and I got no response. So today I sent:

👆genuine question, you could even just put it on a scale from 1-10

and he finally replied, saying that he was at a 1-2. I asked if there was anything I could do to raise that comfort level. He said no because it was his “personal stance on the subject.” I told him this (just gonna keep copying because this was a kinda long interaction)

well, I do hope you can see it’s a bit more than a personal preference for me. It does really get tiring to be referred to as something I’m not. I just kinda wanted to get a gauge and give you a heads up, because I’m at a point where I’m going to be correcting people when they’re using the wrong ones, including yall in the friend group. If you are at all curious about why this matters so much to me, just let me know and I’ll do my best to explain when I’m ready 

And I am being very genuine and honest here. I really did just want to see where his comfort level was, because I know that it would have a pretty big impact on me going forward. But to this he said:

From my perspective calling you they/them is calling you something you aren’t, and I did not say preference, I said stance meaning that I do not condone your decision on this matter.

chat do you know the willpower it took to not strangle a man today

I took a minute after this text to consult with the one friend of mine who I usually vent to about this guy, then spent about 30 minutes writing this in response (it’s gonna be long):

Firstly I just want to say, I hold no grudges towards you and I truly value our friendship. We have known each other since we were in the second grade, and I am very happy that we were able to be friends. But my identity is not your choice to make. My identity is not an opinion or something to joke about or something I have “chosen.” You don’t get to “condone” or “not condone,” it just IS. If you are unable to accept the reality of who I am as a person, then we are not required to continue this relationship. I will likely continue to interact with you at school and at D&D, but I will take no initiative to be around you. This part of me isn’t going away anytime soon. If you are unwilling to make space for me in your life because of your personal stance, then I am not going to wait around for you. If you are willing to reconsider your stance, then I will be willing to continue being friends with you. Either way, I wish you the best and I hope you can understand.

He hasn’t responded since. I’m not even sure if he’s read it. But now I’m dealing with the anxiety of being stuck with no response. I’m defaulting to not being friends anymore, but it’s just really rough.

[radicalrefrigerator]

Happy International Asexuality Day to all aces in the world! Unfortunately, I'm late, I woke up this morning and realized I'd missed it- which is sad, because the day means a lot to me. I've been thinking a lot today, though, and had some things I wanted to say. 

Don’t let anyone ever tell you, “You’re too young to know.” You’re not. I’ve known for years I was aroace, before I had the terms to explain it, before I’d come to terms with it. I first learned what asexuality was from a friend on discord. They explained the meaning of the labels, and that it could be me. For a whole other year, I still didn’t accept it. I continued to believe there was something wrong with me, I was still young, I hadn’t found the right person, etc. Yet, the whole time, I knew it at the back of my mind.

Now, it’s been 2 years since I spiralled in my thoughts so much I stayed awake the entire night, and by the time it was morning, I’d accepted I was aroace. A lot of people would probably tell me it’s not that deep, but at the time, it was really difficult for me to come to terms with. I’ve never come out to someone who wasn’t accepting- I came out to a few of my friends immediately once I’d realized, all of them queer, and they were nothing but proud of me. It’s been more of an internal journey for me. 

It’s been 2 years. When I realized I was aroace, I was 14. I’m still young, but I know myself better now. I’ve matured, and I’m old enough to know for sure now. I’m aroace, and that’s probably not going to change- it’s who I am, and I would know if I wasn’t. So whatever your age is- don't let anyone tell you asexuality isn't a real thing, that you're making it up, or that you're too young to know. I knew when I was 12, listening to my friends talk about their crushes, and just quietly giggling here and there when I felt like it was on cue, but never actually saying anything, because I didn’t know where to fit into the conversation. Even fictional crushes were absolutely foreign to me. I knew when I discovered the song “Mad at Disney” and would sing “What the hell is love supposed to feel like?” over and over. I still don’t. And that’s okay. 

I can’t relate to every aromantic or asexual experience I’ve read on the internet or heard from friends. A lot of my inner struggle comes from the fact that most of my life, I’ve wanted love. I never actively searched for it, but in my head, I romanticized it. The idea of dates, holding hands, kissing and sex all sounded really great to me on paper and in books and TV shows and fanfiction but when the idea actually started being presented to me I found myself dodging it subconsciously. I still feel like this a lot today- but aromanticism and asexuality alike are spectrums. Desiring romantic or sexual connection, or having certain levels of attraction for people, doesn’t erase who you are <3

[smallturtlebomb]

INFO AND HEAD CANON STUFF FOR MY ROTTMNT OCS!!!

Section 1: Akira Kimura

Akira Kimura is an Olive Ridley Sea Turtle. He has two moms and one sister (His moms being Kōki and Miu Kimura and his sister being Mina Kimura). He is gay and uses he/him pronouns!! He is 6’3, Korean and Japanese, and loves to play his drums and piano. He also likes writing, drawing, surfing/skating,,singing, crafting, training. He is the drummer in his band (The Late Night Dolls/TLND) and the backup vocals. In his private time he likes dressing up as a girl (yes he is a drag queen). Also by joining Mari-Lynn’s clan (The Nakaruma Clan) He got two special powers. He can control water and he can clone/make life (but he doesn’t know about the second power yet..)

Some head canons:

• He will totally listen to you rant about your interest, as long as you do the same with him.

• His favorite music genres are Punk rock, Jazz rock, j-pop, k-pop, hip hop metal, and grunge!

• He is a huge nerd about romance films (mostly movies like studio ghibli)

• He has a big fat crush one Donnie and tries his best to hide it (it’s sometimes obvious)

• He calls Donnie “Don-Don”. He also calls Rae “Rae-Rae”

• He loves writing songs and poems (some songs in the band are made by him).

Andddd…. That’s all I can remember for Akira. Feel free to ask him (and other characters) some questions as well!

Section 2: Mari-Lynn Nakaruma

Maria Linda Nakaruma (also known as Mari-Lynn), is a 5’9 Nekomata yōkai. He has one brother and one uncle (where r her parents? That’s a story for another day!). She is Pansexual and uses any pronouns (mainly She/He/They)! She’s also Japanese Puerto Rican and plays the guitar and is the lead vocals for her band. He also likes drawing (mostly doing graffiti art tho), skating, training, reading comic books, doing punk stuff too! Her main powers are Controlling fire, shapeshifting into different felines, and raising the dead (but she can barely control the zombie power). He is also the next leader of the Nakaruma Clan and sort of looks forward to it.

Some head canons:

• She loves watching/Reading “Ryan Collin Vs. The Alternate Universe” which is just rottmnt’s version of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World”

• Big fan of horror movies (Like human centipede but I’ve never watched it in my life)

• Her favorite music genres are: Punk rock, metal, hip hop, grunge, and j-pop

• Also has a crush on Raphael and hides it pretty well (he can’t hold it in much longer, he has to confess..)

• Her uncle helped her make her band and learn how to play music

• ML is a chill but chaotic person

And that concludes ML’s section! U can also ask her some questions if you’d like! ^^

Section 3: Mina Kimura

Mina Kimura is the little sister of Akira. She is a 5’3 Kemp’s Ridley Sea Turtle but doesn’t have the marks like Akira (She actually gets the marks from her mom Koki)! She uses She/Her pronouns and is AroAce! She is also Korean and Japanese as well and is the bassist and music editor in the band. She loves creating a bunch of outfits and clothes (Akira mostly gets dresses made from her), Swimming, doing makeup, skating/surfing, drawing, and painting. Her powers in the Nakaruma Clan are controlling nature and Telekinesis.

Some head canons:

• Mina provides clothes for everybody (including some yōkai’s and mutants living on the streets of New York or The Underground City.

• Mina loves watching stop motion films

• Mina is chaotic but sweet too

• Mina gives good advice to people when they need help

• She protects her older brother since he can be insecure at times

• Her favorite music genres are: Punk rock, metal, hip hop, breakcore, Indie music, and Chiptune

And that ends Mina’s section. Now for my last but certainly not least oc…

Section 4: Rae Koji

Rae Koji is an 5’9 Kitsune yōkai. Her family has been ‘missing’ ever since an incident (that I’ll explain next time). She is a lesbian and uses She/Her pronouns. She’s Japanese Chinese and the backup guitarist and vocals for her band. She likes graffiti, skating, playing games, watching movies, and reading. Her powers are controlling wind, shapeshifting, and healing. She is most of the time grumpy and silent but cares about her friends a lot.

Some head canons:

• Painting can calm her down

• She has a crush on ML and gets a bit jealous whenever ML talks abt Raph

• Her favorite music genres are: Punk rock, lofi, metal, j-pop, and hip hop

• Rae collects anime figures and action figures (she also puts them in cool poses and takes pictures of them)

• She’s really competitive while playing games with her friends

• She also has some Lou Jitsu merch in her room

And that concludes the info/head canons of my ocs!! This took a lot to type out so I hope u enjoyed reading! Baii now! <3

[plural-aita]

WIBTA for never telling anyone that I’m a system?

I’ve known I’m some flavour of system for about 5 years, but didn’t think about it or explore it until 2-3 years ago. Been pretty alright since then, but I’m starting to realize it’s going to cause problems. I would, honestly and really, prefer not to tell anyone in our real life. Not any long term life partner, not even if we’re romantic/sexual with them (I’m aroace spec, so not a guarantee). But some of my parts are young — they’re not *literally* young, due to the way we work, they have the same brain capacity & knowledge & etc as the body. And so we consider them capable of making adult decisions, even if most of them prefer to align with the age they identify as/feel they are anyway. But there are a few that are interested in things typically seen as adult, things someone “their age” shouldn’t usually do. If a partner knew, there’s a solid chance they might be upset or squicked out, even though the part isn’t a child in the same capacity as singlet children.

To be clear: we aren’t avoiding telling people because of this. It’d just be a consequence. We wouldn’t be at risk if we told anyone, especially not close partners. At the very worst, they’d ignore it or be neutral about our system. We’re confident it would not be dangerous for us, and we don’t fear any negative repercussions. Our system is just something that’s core to us, very individual and personal, and not something we see as anyone else’s business. The only person in our real life we’d ever want to tell is a therapist, but we don’t have access to one atm. Should we tell (some) people anyway?

Singlets are welcome to answer too (if there are any here) — we know other systems will be biased, but we didn’t want this on the main AITA blog. Also, we’re alright being called a system, but prefer not to be called plural/multiple

[bi-dykes]

would you happen to know if nate stevenson ever confirmed glimmer & bow to be bi specifically (like she did with catra & adora being lesbians), or just not straight? don’t get me wrong, i know they’re bi4bi and i’m not dismissing that, but i’m just curious because i feel like if it wasn’t explicitly stated and they weren’t in a wlm/mlw relationship, everyone would be headcanoning glimmer as a lesbian and some would probably want bow to just be a butch lesbian too 😭😭😭 i’m not even saying it happens in this fandom cause idk tbh but i’ve seen it happen so many other times with bi sapphic characters (i.e. poision ivy ofc)

also like… this is probably gonna make #somepeople without proper reading comprehension mad just by misinterpretation of what i’m actually trying to say here but i often presume writers mean “lesbian” as in “sapphic” since the latter isn’t as well known — like, they use it as an umbrella term regardless of whether that’s (historically) correct or not. my prime example would be caitlyn and vi from arcane; i’m absolutely okay with them being lesbians and i’m not erasing that fact at all but i think it’s worth keeping in mind that they weren’t confirmed by riot to be exclusively homosexual/wlw/“nmlnm”/etc. even though they may or may not very well be (i personally agree that they are). it’s another case of the google dictionary being unreliable because it relies on uneducated cishet ideas of queerness + terms so it simply defines “lesbian” as “wlw” (not even inclusive of nonbinary people) and “sapphic” as “relating to lesbians” or something like that.

anyway! sorry for making this too long, i had some thoughts but ended up ranting lol

Nate said “definitely not straight” specifically! I know that’s not the same as saying word for word “they’re bisexual”, but within the context, of both the show, and how neither of them are gay/lesbian, neither of them are aroace, saying “not straight” confirms them to be bisexual!

IMO, since bisexuality is more common and is the blanket statement under pan, omni, poly, etc. when a character is shown to be attracted to 2+ genders, they’re canon bi- now it’s up to the writers or the context of the show to specifically state whether the character is pan or anything else under the bi umbrella :) and it’s the same way in real life! If you want to discuss being attracted to 2+ genders, you will sound bisexual, unless you specify you’re pan etc underneath the bi umbrella

And here are the sources!

I KNOWWW fandom wikia is a sh💕t source, but they actually have the livestream itself to back it up! (Warning: it’s 4 hours long lol)

Chase lmao Vi and Caitlyn ARE specifically confirmed to be lesbians, not just sapphic. They are indeed exclusively homosexual wlw. The riot and league of legends twitter page had them with the lesbian flag (the new one, like the orange, white, pink one) so yeah. And this is official art; not like that fanart of Bubbline with the lesbian flag that Cartoon Network used for some godawful reason when they’ve both (or at least Marceline, and possibly Bubblegum) shown attraction to men. You are right about how some people have no reading comprehension skills tho. Like when Willow Wilson said that the latest Poison Ivy run would be loved by fans of lesbian stories and a good portion of readers jumped on that and ran with it and said that Ivy is their “canon” lesbian like uh? Ivy who wants to touch Batman’s pecs Ivy? Ivy who dated (and liked) a boy in college Ivy? Like the discourse around her is just starting to become funny to me now tbh tbh

LOL who would be headcannoning Bow as lesbian? He showed attraction to Sea Hawk, not really open to interpretation, it was quite obvious. I have tho seen him be headcannoned as gay and like. He’s soooo in love with Glimmer that gay headcannon is tone deaf lol.

No need to apologize! You can rant to me anytime :)) Thanks for the ask Chase 💙💜

[foxstens]

once again having an existential crisis about sexual/romantic attraction

there’s a lot to talk about but rn im kind of questioning the crushes ive had. i’ve explained them before, one was in kindergarten and i rmr nothing about it, one was sometime in high school and lasted like 2 seconds, there really wasn’t much to it, and one has been going on since 5th grade. but now im suddenly wondering if they were even actually what we understand as crushes

google says a crush is ‘a brief but intense infatuation for someone‘ which kinda fits sorta maybe, but people on reddit explain it in a very... romantic way i guess, according to them you want to be around that person, you want to be liked by them, you have an active desire to date them or to just take things further. and im. well. that does not fit. i mean it might have with 2/3 crushes since i don’t remember the actual feeling itself

but with the third crush i do remember the feeling because it never fucking disappeared. like i’ve known this guy since i was 10, the last time i saw him face to face was like 4 years ago, but i still have him on facebook, we still wish each other happy birthday every year, and he still regularly appears in my dreams. and i always get the same feeling in those dreams - the feeling of being curious about this person, of wanting to talk to him and spend time with him and his family because when i met them in the past they always had interesting things to say and they were always nice and warm and friendly and as an only child maybe i was a bit jealous of his close relationship with his sisters.

and. that’s it. that’s all it’s ever been. maybe that feeling was friendship or at least a desire for friendship because i’ve never actually had irl friends and what i just described does not fucking look like what we think of when we use the word ‘crush’. 

why am i so hung up on this, you ask? because i identify with the word aromantic so strongly, it feels more right than my actual fucking name but. i can’t be aromantic if i’ve had three whole crushes, right. lol. im probably just being stupid, but thinking about all of this is interesting. 

and i still don’t understand the concept of romantic or sexual attraction. i guess i can sort of fathom the idea of romantic attraction, like you look at someone and you get the feeling that you want to be more than their friend, though it still feels foreign to me, definitely not something i’ve experienced, let alone with a stranger

but the idea of sexual attraction feels positively alien. maybe people just suck at explaining it or something, but having an actual physical response to just seeing someone, and having sexual thoughts and desires when looking at a person??? i’m sorry but what. does this genuinely actually happen to real people in real life

when i see an attractive person my brain just kind of stops and i just stare and mumble if i have to speak, then i might think about their face for a bit afterwards, trying to recall what i liked about it, and that’s it. very rarely, i might find someone’s aura and confidence attractive, and that’s when i’ll really stare but even then my thoughts are just: i wonder what their life is like, i wonder what it’s like to be them, i wonder what it’s like to be around them regularly when they have this aura. you know??? i guess this might be what google describes as aesthetic attraction, maybe.

so yea i guess this proves that i’m definitely somewhere on the aroace spectrum. i mean i knew this, i have known this for years. but i feel more confident about it, now that i’ve thought more deeply about the ‘crushes’ i’ve had and how they fit.

also hopefully one day i’m not gonna be so surprised when i get reminded that some people see and experience the world completely differently. d a n g.

[presidentstalkeyes]

Stalkeyes’ Esoteric Gravity Falls Headcanons

I know this seems like an odd post for Xmas times, but this is something I’ve wanted to write for a while. I noticed a lot of my headcanons are kinda at-odds with what is often assumed in other people’s writing - sometimes by design, other times not - so I’mma just list a bunch. (And some of these might not be that uncommon, but we shall see) :V

Dipper & Pacifica break off their relationship in their teens after realizing it lacks the same spark it used to, and their ambitions are too different. Dip & Paz are amicable exes. She moves on to Wendy later.

Soos & Melody don’t get married until years after the show.

Mabel is aroace. She never gets married or has kids. Her love-crazy phase in the show was mostly brought on by her outside perception of romance, as seen in age-inappropriate romance novels and 80s animated high school flicks.

As an adult, Mabel is taller than basically everyone except Wendy, and is also built like a brick house (and quite chubby, to boot). Dipper is certainly no stringbean, either. ‘Skinny’ and ‘slender’ do not exist in the Pines family.

Dip & Mabs’ Pines parent is their mother, not their father.

On that note, their parents are just as weird as the rest of the Pineses, they just tend not to show it in public. Their kids and their college friends are the only ones who know the true extent of their weird side. They’re a bit more open about it after the show, though.

Dipper used up all his puberty on his voice, which means it barely changes when he gets older. I mean, it is pretty close to Jason Ritter’s natural voice, I would say.

Wendy is trans. When she was barely old enough to talk, she told her parents ‘I wanna be a girl!’ and then her mom was like ‘okay then!’ and from that day forward she was a girl. She dreaded going out to the logging camp because it was in a less-tolerant part of the state.

As an adult, Dipper introduces himself as ‘Mason’ when meeting new people; only after they’ve known him for a while do they earn the privilege to call him ‘Dipper’. Or ‘Diprivileges’ as Mabel calls them.

Both Filbrick Pines and Preston Northwest aren’t as tough as they like to appear. Filbrick was easily annoyed by basically anything, in direct opposition to his stoic image, yet was intimidated by his wife’s family. Caryn and Shermie both made it their mission to stop him from getting himself beat up or killed later in life by saying/doing something stupid. As for Preston, his wealth and influence were on the decline years before Weirdmageddon thanks to a string of bad investments, and he avoids his fellow rich people because they make fun of him. He regularly has breakdowns about how ‘destitute’ the Northwests are now because they can only afford one luxury yacht, and were recently disqualified from being part of 1%. Still in the 2%, though.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

5, 10, 18? 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

i answered 5 already!

10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most? depends on what and whom i'm writing. if it's dan and blair, dialogue, LMAO. if it's milofic, i like writing plots that allow dan to keep him. but in general... exposition, probably. that is just the kind of person i am.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene. it's been too long since i wrote gossip girl so you get a jojo extract, haha. no jojo knowledge is necessary for this. here you go:

"Okay,” Noriaki says. His hands, at Jotaro’s back, have begun to rub comforting circles. “Then I’ll tell you the next thing I wanted to say. I’m really proud of you. For navigating this, even though it’s hard. For trying to move forward, to be true to yourself, for everything that comes with an identity that’s so different from what society expects. I don’t know if you identify as queer –”

“I do,” Jotaro murmurs, closing his eyes and pressing himself closer against Noriaki’s shoulder.

“Nice, we have that in common. I didn’t want to umbrella term you if you weren’t, you know, comfortable with that.” Jotaro can tell that Noriaki is smiling, from the way his voice sounds. Probably a small smile, and a kind smile, that much is obvious. “But yes, any kind of queer identity comes with its own challenges. Unlearning what society expects of you. Learning to accept it and be proud of yourself. Figuring out what you want your life to look like, and moving in that direction. And I’ve been through that, and I know it’s hard. I don’t want to overstep or compare our experiences, because you’re aroace and I’m not, so of course it’s different, and you’re probably going through things I haven’t been through and can’t relate to. But it’s similar, too, just in terms of being the person you are and not the person people expect you to be. And I’m proud of you, for all of it. I believe in you. And I’m glad you told me. Thank you, Jotaro.”

dvd commentary: so, i wrote this scene after coming out ~properly to one of my best friends as trans - she'd always known that i wasn't cis because i said as much, but i hadn't really explained or elaborated or gone beyond that. and writing this bit, i wanted it to be something that like, anybody who's queer can identify with.

this fic is very centred around jotaro's aroace identity + how he struggles to come to terms with that, but there are other queer characters who aren't aroace AND who support him, because that's something i wanted to portray. jotaro is someone i just don't see as allosexual or allorom, my usual headcanon for him is demi, but i wanted to dip my toes into the aroace pool. sometimes you just look at a character and you feel a strongggg headcanon about them. like, you know. bisexual dan humphrey. i see it, you see it.

and well, noriaki. i love noriaki, i joke that he's the closest thing to a canon queer guy we got in jojo p3 (jojo has different parts, and this is a part 3 fanfic.) his idea of flirting with a woman is to compare her voice to audrey hepburn, which, hello? a heterosexual man would never. his entire vibe also is very undiagnosed adhd gamer hyperfixater who lives on energy drinks alone (and i'm not pulling this out of my ass, other people have ficced this up and made fanart of it.) all that said, he's very eloquent and intelligent, so i really like writing him, and writing this dialogue made me feel like i definitely did justice to his character.

thank you for attending my jojo ted talk. we will resume gossipgirlposting in 3...... 2......

[aceredshirt13]

Narumitsu: A View of the Ship, and Its Shippers, from an Outsider

I may not ship Narumitsu/Wrightworth, but I also don’t really have anything against it. They’re very close, and go to great lengths to help each other, and it’s not hard to see having romance be a next step. It’s hardly that I don’t ship them because they’re men (lord knows I have other gay ships through the roof), and it’s also not because I ship either of them with other characters, because I actually don’t. My only real reasons for not shipping it are my fondness for aroace Edgeworth, and my fondness for having them just be friends that care about each other a lot. So this essay definitely isn’t criticizing the ship itself, or its plausibility as a romance in a general sense. This is more an expression of my frustrations with some of the interpretations I’ve seen by some Narumitsu shippers, and why I’m frustrated with them from the standpoint of someone who likes to write and imagine well-paced love stories, with a few mentions of hypocrisy that I’ve seen in the fandom and some things that feel vaguely homophobic or biphobic. Let’s jump in!

1. “Unnecessary feelings”

This one, I confess, drives me up a bit of a wall. Yes, out-of-context, the line about Phoenix causing Edgeworth to have “unnecessary feelings” could be interpreted as romantic - but in-context, I feel that interpretation doesn’t really make sense. I mean, he follows it up by saying that those feelings are of “unease” and “uncertainty” - because going against Phoenix in court has shaken him, and his long-held beliefs that von Karma had drilled into him, as well as the beliefs he’d held about himself. He has spent so long trying not to feel anything at all, because he thinks emotions are a weakness - an obstacle in the way of his constant, impossible reach for perfection (and for recognition from the mentor who he doesn’t know revels in never, ever recognizing him). He is conflicted, and scared, certainly, but in love? That seems like a bit of a stretch, particularly because of how incredibly short of a time he and Phoenix have known each other at this point - which leads me into my next segment.

2. Having them be in love in the very first AA game

So many of the Narumitsu takes I see act as if they’re either strongly pining for each other or practically dating in the very first game, despite the fact that prior to Turnabout Sisters, they haven’t even seen each other for fifteen years. Phoenix’s idealism and desire to “save” the Edgeworth he remembers is, though admirable, rather delusional - he hasn’t seen the man since he was nine. If I look back into the past, I am a decidedly different person than I was at age nine. (For example, I am significantly less likely to bite people I dislike.) The two spend almost the entirety of the first game in a vitriolic rivalry, with Edgeworth only very reluctantly accepting Phoenix’s help in Turnabout Goodbyes, and at the end of the game, though they understand each other to a much better degree, I wouldn’t say that they’re friends again, yet. The end of the game would be a great jumping-off point for their friendship - except it isn’t, because the combination of the revelations in Rise from the Ashes and the built-up trauma and self-loathing that the events of case 4 unloaded upon Edgeworth cause him to “choose death” (which I personally interpret as his genuine intention to take his own life, though for one reason or another, he did not succeed - I like to think Gumshoe was involved in stopping him - and he then went on his soul-searching year-long journey). Edgeworth isn’t even present for most of JFA, only returning in Farewell, My Turnabout to meet an understandably pissed Phoenix, and it is through working that case together that they manage to make up a bit more. I’d say it’s only at this point that they are able to actually start becoming friends, because before that, they just plain haven’t interacted enough - and friendship is key to having romance be the next step. So, for Narumitsu to be a decently-paced love story, the romance probably wouldn’t start until at least partway through Trials and Tribulations - and even then, that might be rather early. The seven-year-gap might be the best place to put it, but I often seem to see them portrayed as dating long before that, even though that seems rather unrealistic for all the reasons I’ve mentioned above.

3. Reasons why the fandom thinks Edgeworth is gay

Now, I am all for LGBT headcanons. They’re super fun, and I have loads. So I’m totally not bothered by folks saying Edgeworth is gay - I’m more bothered that the fandom seems to like to have a reason why they think so. If it were just that Edgeworth canonically shows no real interest in women (which is true - I use it as part of my aroace justification), then that would be all good, but a lot of the reasons people seem to think Edgeworth is gay feel... almost homophobic? I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard him referred to as gay or “fruity” because of the way he walks, or the way he dresses, or the colors he likes, or the gestures he makes - and it’s not usually gay men saying these things. A lot of the people saying these things are LGBT of some variety, but being one kind of LGBT doesn’t mean you’re free to stereotype others - especially when it seems rather hypocritical. For example, Edgeworth got most of his fashion sense from Manfred, yet almost no one says the same things about Manfred - in fact, a lot of people seem to enjoy imagining him as both heterosexual and wildly homophobic. (Personally, I think the most wildly homophobic character is probably Blaise Debeste, but that’s just my opinion.) And I see many, many valid complaints about Jean Armstrong, and his stereotypical design and personality - yet some of these same people who hate how stereotypically he is treated turn around and stereotype Edgeworth almost identically?  Why do you have to have a reason to believe a character to be gay, instead of just saying they are? I think Badd and Datz are both gay, but I’d hardly pick out superficial aspects of their appearance or personality to “justify” that belief.

4. People saying that Phoenix is gay

This one’s thankfully not as universal, but it bothers me nonetheless. Most of the fandom seems to think Phoenix is bi, which is rad - honestly, I think so, too. But I’ve seen people say on more than one occasion that he’s just gay - and unless you have a very, very convincing argument for compulsory heterosexuality, since Phoenix was quite in love with Iris while in college, this feels a whole lot like bi erasure. I see it happen with Mia a lot, too - with people saying she’s a lesbian rather than bi - or in other fandoms, such as people saying Sakura (from Danganronpa) is a lesbian in order to ship her with Aoi, despite her having a canon boyfriend that she cares very deeply for.

5. Interpreting every action that shows they care about each other as representative of romantic love

Perhaps this is the crux of my argument. As a franchise, Ace Attorney focuses deeply on emotional relationships and bonds. Certainly, the series is about love, as its many characters grow to care for each other greatly, but what variety of love that is - whether familial, found-familial, friendly, or romantic - is generally left ambiguous - and I like that about it. It both makes the in-game relationships emotionally deep and affecting without forcing love stories, while also allowing the players and the fandom to have a lot of freedom in interpreting exactly how the characters feel about each other. (It’s also a great way to make the games enjoyable, no matter what relationship you think the characters have, which is a good way to keep fans happy, I think.) So it can be frustrating to see people look at Phoenix running across a burning bridge to save Maya and say that it is unambiguously platonic/familial, but say that Edgeworth taking a jet to make sure Phoenix is all right after falling off said burning bridge is unambiguously romantic. Why is either more likely than another? Why could they not both be platonic, or both be romantic? (For the record, I don’t ship Narumayo either, but I don’t mind it, much like I don’t mind Narumitsu - I’m just using it as an example.) I find myself worrying that people interpret every show of affection between them as love because they’re men showing affection to each other, while men showing affection to women, or women showing affection to men or other women ends up not being perceived as such to the same degree. Are men not allowed to care deeply for each other without being in love? Because, if so, that’s playing into unfortunate toxic masculine stereotypes - men should be able to care and be affectionate without always wanting to date each other, just like women, and men with women, and women with men, and everybody else. 

Some people take this a step further, and try to insist that Narumitsu is not just a popular ship, but canon or near-canon - to the point where several people have gotten into the game thinking they were actually dating. Some fans have begun accusing the writers of queer-baiting, or asking and demanding that future games canonize their relationship. But doesn’t that seem a little arrogant, in a series that values such deep yet ambiguous bonds? And why does it need to be canon? Aren’t fanworks valuable enough by themselves? Why must Narumitsu be proven, and defended, and begged for, rather than just pieced together and created and enjoyed?

Once again, I don’t dislike Narumitsu. I definitely see the appeal, and it completely makes sense to me why people like it - I openly admit that my not shipping it is not out of dislike or anger, but only personal preference. But I find myself wishing that, in some ways, the fandom treated it a little bit differently.

As always with these long pieces, if you wanna have a fun civil discussion, hit me up in replies, or DMs, or reblogs, or anything! I’d love to hear from you! Thanks for reading this far, and have a good day!

[fruitquake]

realizations pt. 2

part one

read it on ao3

Regulus Black knows he doesn’t like girls. He wishes he did. It would make everything so much easier. But at some point, you have to accept that maybe you aren’t just a late bloomer. Maybe it isn’t just that you “haven’t found the right girl yet”. Maybe it’s just who you are.

Aside from knowing he definitely doesn’t like girls, though, it’s all very confusing. It seemed like a logical conclusion that if he doesn’t like girls, he must like boys.

But then, James Potter kissed him, and he’s pretty sure that if he were gay, it would’ve felt… special. Or it would’ve felt like anything at all. But rather, it felt exactly the same as kissing girls: uncomfortably and wetly smashing your mouths together. He didn’t say any of this to James. He didn’t say anything, actually, just left with what he knows was a terribly transparent excuse. Now, he’s in his room, sitting on the floor and staring out of the window at the few stars visible through the clouds.  

Is there something wrong with him? The question has been echoing in his mind since the kiss. Well, really, it’s been there long before, but he has managed to ignore it well enough before today. It was easy to push it to the back of his mind, and tell himself that he would figure it out eventually and it didn’t really matter.

But… He kissed James. James Potter, the guy who half the girls - and several guys - are utterly enamoured by. James Potter, who is objectively very handsome. And surely, if he were gay, kissing him would’ve felt… good? How is kissing supposed to feel? Regulus has tried it a few times by now, and it has never been the enjoyable experience that people make it out to be.

He is typing the words into google before he even registers having taken his phone out. Is kissing supposed to feel good?

Most of the search results are clinical, detached articles, explaining the biological and social reasons as to why humans like kissing. Until he stumbles upon a blog post on one of those ask-and-answer forums.

Anonymous: need advice!! my friends are constantly going on about their crushes and the people they’ve been with, how much they love kissing, all that stuff. and i just can’t relate at all. i’ve kissed a few boys, and once a girl too, and i don’t understand the hype at all? i’ve never really had a crush on anyone either, i think. all that kissing and dating and sex stuff just seem like a waste of time to me. is there something wrong with me? am i broken or something?

Regulus’s heart stutters as he reads the post through. He… relates to most of it. Is there something wrong with me? It’s the same question that’s been ringing loud and clear through his head since the kiss.

The comments are mostly stuff like “just wait til you’re older” and “you’ll get it when you meet the right person”, and Reg feels his stomach sink. Is that really it? He’s supposed to sit around and wait for “the right person” to come into his life and… fix him? He thinks about James again. James, who is kind and funny and one of his favourite people in the entire world. But kissing him didn’t feel right. It hasn’t felt right with anyone.

But then his eyes catch on another comment on the person’s post: you should look into the terms asexual and aromantic. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with you or that you are broken, but if you don’t have an interest in romance/sex it could be because you’re ace and/or aro.

Asexual and aromantic. Regulus googles both terms, spends hours reading through articles and blog posts and people sharing their experiences, and for the first time in his life he feels… seen. He hadn’t realized how lonely he felt, before discovering that he isn’t alone.

It’s a lot to take in. A lot of thoughts and questions and answers swirling in Regulus’s head. He really, really wants to talk to someone about all of this. But first of all, it’s 3 AM. Secondly, who?

James is… kinda the whole reason he’s having this sexuality crisis to begin with. He is certain he would’ve figured it out anyway at some point, but it’s thanks to James that he is up in the middle of the night, buried in research about his own identity. He doesn’t think he can talk to James about all this. At least not yet.

Then there’s Sirius. Regulus doesn’t know if he would understand. He feels some of that familiar loneliness creep up on him again. He and Sirius are finally close again. After years of division and hurt and pretending the other doesn’t exist, they have a relationship that’s actually good, and Regulus doesn’t want to ruin it. What if Sirius doesn’t understand or doesn’t accept him? He can’t lose his brother again. He doesn’t have anyone else.

Should he just… not tell anyone, then? Perhaps that is best, at least for now, he thinks. If no one knows, no one can judge him for it or tell him that it’s wrong or that his experiences aren’t real. He nods to himself, settling back into bed. It’s better if no one knows.

-

Regulus doesn’t get any sleep that night. Not that he really expected to. He spends the next day dozing off in class and avoiding James. Both are working out great for him until he starts awake, feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He sits up straight on his chair and squints as he looks around. The classroom is empty, except for him and-

“Sorry, did I wake you?” James asks. He's standing beside Regulus’s desk, looking down at him with something like concern.

“S’fine,” Regulus mumbles, stifling a yawn.

James sits on top of the desk next to Regulus’s. “You look tired,” he says. “Are you okay?”

Regulus still doesn’t know how to react to people showing him genuine concern. It’s not something he’s really used to. “I’m fine,” he says, perhaps a bit too forcefully. He stands up, almost knocking over his chair in the process, and starts quickly packing up his things.

“Hey, uh,” James says, nervously messing up his hair in that way he does. “There’s something we should probably talk about.”

The kiss. Reg was desperately hoping James would pretend it never happened. He slings his bag over one shoulder and starts towards the door. “I’m sorta in a rush.”

James stands up. “Reg, please,” he says. “I… I really need to talk to you about it. Please.”

Regulus sighs, but stops in the doorway. “We don’t have to,” he says in an almost pleading tone, turning around to face James. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t understand.” James looks at him with big doe eyes. “Reg, it matters to me.”

He regards James for a while, before nodding, signalling for him to say whatever it is he wants to say.

James takes a deep breath. “So, er… The thing about the kiss,” he begins, fidgeting nervously with the strap of his bag. “It sorta… made me realize something? About myself?”

Regulus has never seen him this nervous. He waits in silence for him to go on.

“Shit,” James mumbles, rubbing his face with his hands. “I feel like I’ve rehearsed this conversation all day, but now I just, like… Have no idea what to say.” He takes another deep breath. “Screw it, I’m just gonna say it, okay? I really fucking liked that kiss and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and also I’m bisexual.” It comes out as a quick string of words with no pause for James to breathe - or for Reg to interrupt him.

James looks at him; nervous, expectant, awaiting. But Regulus really doesn’t know what to say. He feels a tight knot in his stomach. “Oh,” he finally manages.

“Ah, shit,” James says frantically. “That’s right, there was something else I was gonna say, something important. I, er… I completely get it if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, because I really care about you and I don’t wanna lose you. I just… really needed to get this off my chest.”

He sounds so genuine. Of course he does, Reg thinks and feels stupid. When has James ever been anything but genuine, honest and loyal? When has he ever judged Reg or turned his back on him for anything? James knows him better than he allows most people to, and if there’s anyone Reg can talk to about this, it’s him.

“There’s something I need to get off my chest too,” Regulus says quietly.

James’s eyes widen. “Oh? What is it?”

Reg sets down his bag and goes to sit by the desk opposite James. He doesn’t look at him as he starts talking. “I’m aroace. I don’t experience… that kind of attraction. Romantic or sexual. It’s… not exactly that the kiss made me realize it. Or maybe it did. But I kinda already knew. I just… wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, I suppose? Also I didn’t really know the word for it. But… yeah, that’s who I am and I can’t do anything to change that, just as you can’t change the fact that you’re bi, so… I hope you won’t hate me now.”

When James stays quiet, Regulus forces himself to look up. James is looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Reg’s stomach drops. This was a terrible idea. He should’ve known he couldn’t tell anyone. He has ruined everything. James opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Reg has pushed out his chair and is walking toward the door with swift steps.

“Nevermind,” he says, ignoring the stinging of tears in his eyes.

“Reg, wait!”

“Forget everything I just said.”

-

James finds him rather quickly, at the area behind the school that’s nearly hidden with shrubs. It’s where he comes when he needs to be alone, and he knows it’s also where Sirius comes to smoke.

Regulus is sitting on the ground with his back against a tree trunk, not caring if his clothes get dirty. James sits down about a meter away from him, but doesn’t speak, so Regulus is the one to break the silence:

“Are you upset because of my sexuality or because I don’t have feelings for you?” he asks. His voice is harsher than he meant it to be, but at least it’s not shaking.

James draws in a sharp breath, turning to face him. “I’m not upset at all!” he exclaims. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

He’s… not upset? Regulus clears his throat. “Well,” he mumbles. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” James says earnestly. “I didn’t really know what to say. And you didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to think before you stormed off.”

Now Reg feels like he’s the one who should apologize. He doesn’t, though. Just stares straight ahead at the shrubs surrounding them.

“I’m really sorry I made you feel this way, Reg,” James says softly. “I promise I’m not upset. I care about you. A lot. And I, er… I may not know that much about this stuff, but I’m gonna do research on it so I can support you the best I can, because I care about-” He cuts himself off. “No, wait, I already said that part,” he mumbles, laughing nervously.

Reg smiles at him. “You hate doing research,” he says. “You avoid it like the plague.”

James laughs again. “Shut up, you wanker,” he says, shoving him gently. “This is different!”

He scoots a bit closer, putting his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “But really,” he says, his tone more serious now. “I support you one hundred percent. You’ll always be family to me. So if you want, we can just forget all about that kiss.”

“But…” Reg looks up at him. “The kiss did mean something to you, didn’t it?”

James considers this for a moment. “I mean… it was a good kiss. And it did sorta… force me to come to terms with my sexuality. But what really means something to me is you, Reg, and our friendship. I don’t wanna lose that, ever. So… do I maybe have a teeny tiny crush on you? Yeah, I think I might, but it’s honestly no big deal. It won’t change anything between us, I promise.”

He holds out his pinky finger, and it takes Regulus several moments to realize what he’s doing. He holds up his own pinky and laces it with James’s.

“I just realized, I’m kind of an asshole,” he says after a bit. “I practically dismissed your coming out because I was so worried about my own.”

“Oh.” James chuckles. “Mate, don’t worry about it. I completely understand.”

“If you want, you can tell me again and I will try to react better,” Reg offers.

James shakes his head, amused. “I… alright,” he says, grinning. “Regulus?”

“Yes?”

“I’m bisexual.”

Reg smiles at him. “Oh, okay!” he says, acting as though it’s the first he’s hearing of this. “That’s lovely. I’m very happy for you. And… obviously, I support you, and I care about you a lot, too.”

James’s grin grows wider. “Thank you,” he says.

They sit quietly for a while, before James speaks again:

“Do you wanna come over today? Mum is making pancakes for dessert. And we can play Mario Kart.”

Regulus groans, but can’t quite suppress a smile. “Ugh, I don’t wanna play Mario Kart against you. You always win. I swear you’re cheating, somehow.”

“How would I cheat at Mario Kart?” James asks with a laugh.

Reg shrugs, crossing his arms. “I don’t know, but I don’t wanna play with you either way.”

“Okay, well… You can play against Sirius? Or you two can team up and try to beat me together,” James suggests, nudging his shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be fun. And pancakes.”

“Fine,” Reg says, as if he wasn’t going to say yes from the beginning. “But only because of the pancakes.”

James nods solemnly. “That’s fair,” he says, and Reg tries not to smile like an idiot, but it’s hard not to because at least for now, all of the worries and doubts swirling in his chest have been driven away by a warm, relieved feeling.

“James?” he says.

“Yeah?”

He doesn’t actually know what to say, so he just wraps his arms around James and pulls him into a hug. James hugs him back tightly, and Regulus feels incredibly lucky to have a friend like him.

[kitsu-katsu]

Let me just have a little demi-ace rant because I've been thinking™ and I have to put it somewhere

So I'm demi-biromantic ace, I've known for almost three years now, it's awesome, I'm completely fine with my identity and felt so much joy when I first found out I could identify as that and that there were other people like me, and there were even relatable memes, all fun and good times

And I truly love being ace and arospec, because I don't know what it is to not be, but I like how I am. I've always felt this way and even before I knew what it was, I just knew that I didn't have any interest in romance shit, I just expected to like one day just catch feelings for some random dude at like 16 or something, I was expecting to just develop the het™

But I didn't

I fell for one of my best friends I'd known for almost two years

She was a girl

There started the self discovery

I had to question if I was a lesbian, but I didn't quite feel like it was right, because the attraction was just so specific towards her, and other girls could be gorgeous, cute, pretty, but I'd look at them how you'd look at a painting, same with gorgeous, cute and pretty guys (which I later learned was aesthetic attraction, because "people pretty" isn't the same as "I wanna bang/be with people"). Then I went "what about bi?" And that one seemed to fit better, because outside of her I felt the same towards guys and gals

So I considered myself bi for like 2 months

But then rocking to the song "never been in love" by Will Jay and being like "ME" I saw a bunch of people saying "aroace anthem" in the comments

And I started searching

And OH, romantic and sexual attraction aren't the same thing? And you can feel just one of them without the other? And it is like a spectrum?? Woah

And bam, there it is, got my perfect label made of combining three, so, demi-biromantic ace

To this day I feel strongly aligned to it, which I didn't know if I would later down the line at the time

Now, what's my problem? The one a lot of aspec and arospec people will identify with: Societal expectations are a bitch

And especially when I see my own mother pressuring cousins along with a bunch of 40-50 year old aunts into having a kid because "You're almost 30, the age has come, get going, get a man who'll have you, have kids already, your other cousin had kids, give them a playmate"

I can see so many things wrong there, and being 17, almost 18 in a few months and knowing that they'll want to pester me like that one day is... Man

And half my family is homophobic, my mum really was and just became a bit less in recent years, so what if whenever I feel some sort of attraction again is for a girl? They'll pester me double the amount probably. Like half of me wants to get attracted romantically to a girl and get a girlfriend to kiss in front of them out of spite

And my mother is just thinking "Oh she's just not into that yet, she's just focused on studying", which yeah, I am, but my aro-ace-ness has nothing to do with that

It's just such a hassle to think about the future in the romantic scene when the only thing I know is that I'll probs have some family member breathing down my throat because "BuT hAvE kIdS tO bE pLaYmAtEs", and am already a bit insecure about whenever my friends decide to get married later down the line and I'll continue being me on my own, which on the one hand I'm fine with, but on the other societal expectations plus maybe I'll feel left a bit behind, I don't know what will happen man, I just want to have a dog and a good living space whenever I go to live on my own

And in the present, with a mostly bi friend group who only knew "oh she's just not interested" once when they were talking about orientations I decided to come out

And I had to try and explain it all

Almost pulled out a graph

And they didn't quite get it, but they accepted me

And I think they legit forgot I even came out ever because to this day they just say "oh she's just not interested"

And honestly only a good keysmash can accurately portray my feelings because english is great, spanish is too, but neither can quite convey this turmoil: gskallanahwjakzjzgkalalsbsbzkzjghbqqkhx

TLDR: I love being me, but other humans will try to make my life difficult and not understand, so you know what? I have my graph explaining the split attraction model and aro-ace spectrums and my memes to make me feel sane at the ready

Here's to all the arospec and aspec people who may relate to this mess of a post, cheers, may we use our godhood to transcend this mortal plane riding dragons and eating cake

[geshertzarmeod]

aroace question mark musings and thoughts on intimacy i /do/ want

tbh im like pretty darn ace. like i saw someone on here say that attraction isn’t “i wouldn’t mind having sex with this person i guess” but like, actively wanting to, and that’s something i really haven’t experienced at all i guess... but I also don’t know how much of that is also that i haven’t been in a relationship where that’s even something to consider/whether i would feel differently after trying out kissing or not as that’s not something i’ve even done (and i have no idea if/how much i would/will like it)

but i, and this feels super weird but what the fuck, it’s 2:32 am and this is my blog... ever since i saw like, one scene from i claudius in 11th or 12th grade high school where someone was washing someone else’s back that’s like, a type of intimacy i’ve craved like Wow I Want To Shower With Someone and not to have sex with them in the shower just to like, have them wash my body and i wash theirs?

i want to try out cuddling with someone until we fall asleep, i absolutely want cuddling to be a part of my life more in general

i want to have someone or more people in general to be in my life and do nothing with, to just comfortably be in the presence of and have that be normal and a given

i want to snuggle in with someone and watch tv together with them and follow the show together from the beginning or show them my favorites or either excitedly or grudgingly watch theirs (hopefully with excitement though)

i want to hold someone’s hand

i want to put my head on someone’s shoulder or have someone do that to me and wrap my arms/they wrap their arms around me in public while we watch the sunset

i want to give someone foot massages

honestly i want someone to kiss me on my cheek, on my forehead, and on my mouth but idk if i want to like Make Out or not but i definitely want a chaste kiss

& i want to do the same for someone

i want to get to lean in fully to fondness and tenderness and love for someone and know they’re leaning in too and we’re going to hold each other up, and i don’t want to feel like i’m manufacturing care or that i’m Putting On A Show I want to only do what feels real and right

i want to make a life with someone in it, i want people to make their lives in ways that make/leave a space for me, to have me as an integral part of their life plan, to carve out a way to stay close to me, stay in touch, stay connected

i want someone to say “i want to know you more, where can i start?” i want someone to be intrigued by me i want someone to hear me talking and lean forward with interest

i want someone to slot into my family along with me, to know them and love them and be known and loved by them and whether my relationship with that someone is intelligble to my family or not i want them to Be There and Be Seen and Welcomed

i want someone to share their favorite book with me, full of notes they left in it both for themselves and specifically for me

i want someone to write love letters to, i want someone to write me love letters. not overly dramatic, not false, but real - i want someone to write about the little things about me that make them smile

i want something. i’m trying to work out where any of that maps on an aroace identity scale. and i’m also trying to imagine that i might get any of this (although i do already have little bits and pieces like cuddles and tv shows and book annotations and foot massages with friends and family and i am grateful for that)

[demisexualnathanvuornos]

RULES: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your up to 10 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

Got tagged by a couple of people/saw a mutual do it

Multitudes of (A)bsence / Monimuotoiset puutteet

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24717583/chapters/59745241

This is my one and only original work. It's a short poem with an English and Finnish versions, about being aroace, demigender and atheist.

I was inspired to write it when I was reading Jenna Clare's poetry book, she's ace and Finnish American, so I decided to get her book because I am also two of those things. It's a beautiful book but at one point it talked of god in a way that it really hit, all the things I'm lacking.

I Never Really Let You Go

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28260108

Just before Xmas, me and Grey-Haven (not on tumblr anymore) where talking about Lucas Bryant I guess and I lamented how impossible being able to watch Playing House (2006) has been. She, being in the UK, was able to purchase it on youtube and we watched it through some microsoft thing.

It was super funny and Lucas was absolutely perfect. So perfect that I wanted to write fic even after only one watch. I've since ordered both the book the movie was based on and a region free dvd from Australia, both of which I am still waiting for but should get them quite soon.

Also, this fic was more popular than I expected, I have lots of fics that struggle to reach 10 hits and this one has almost 40. Tagging the female lead maybe helped? Idk

Drabbles on Touch

I managed to write 9 chapters for Drabbles on Touch which I think is pretty good :

31. Dance (3x12 Reunion) (2020-03-30)

32. Fur (2020-08-14)

33. 1x8 PDA with Jess 1 (at the station) (2020-09-06)

34. 1x8 Almost sex with Jess (2020-11-02)

35. 1x8 PDA with Jess 2 (goodbye) (2020-09-07)

36. 1x8 Audrey's Cheek kiss (2020-09-12)

37. He Should Have Known (1x9) (2020-09-26)

38. Hands (1x9/1x10) (2020-11-01)

39. Accidental Touches (1x12 Resurfacing) (2020-10-04)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000235/chapters/24503604

It's Only Touch (All He Has Left)

I wrote an extra chapter for this that actually touches on a lot of the ideas I had about the fic but didn't end up including when I first wrote this.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13596324/chapters/58917880

What a Waste of a Good Boner (4x7 AU)

Some fun little Nathan/Audrey smut fic I thought should exist.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24738766?view_full_work=true

Next up are a couple of fun multi-chapter fics I'm delighted that I managed to write and finish within 2020:

East Haven Seadogs vs West Haven Cutters

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750812/chapters/57042253

4 chapters of various stories about this silly little small town little league baseball rivalry. First Nathan pov in 2x4, then Audrey learns to appreciate baseball through Lexie and then James Wuornos' first game with his little sister in attendance and finally, I hit the 2020 pandemic, includes Nathan's childhood memories, including James Garrick and Duke.

Heir to the Herald

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22099819/chapters/52743043

I started 2020 by properly reading The Colorado Kid. I was really taken with Stephanie McCann and rereading the pilot script inspired me to write a combination of all 3. Post canon, someone needs to run the Herald and Stephanie is perfect for the job.

Christmas Party in July

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899377/chapters/68318356

I know there were some prompts about this in July bcus Haven's 10 year anniversary but I wasn't inspired to read or write about this then. Because I don't even like this episode much. But rewatching it on its anniversary, I did find myself inspired to write about the aftermath of the party. Heavy still-one-sided Nathan/Audrey.

And then I thought about that calm bit in s5a and how that was probably in July. And the Paige is not as different from Audrey as one might think. It was fun to write these as almost advent thingies.

----

Moving on from fic, I absolutely loved Lucas' Country at Heart movie and especially the song, A Life in a Love, that he performs. I couldn't help but notice how well some lyrics with Haven, so I did graphic for all the lyrics. It's in many parts and I still think I might do Jennifer/Duke graphic for the last chorus, but that's not happening too soon. But I'm very happy with these and that I managed to do the Audrey pov before the year ended.

https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/tagged/a-life-in-a-love

Ever since it was established that Nathan was a Pet Shop Boy fan, I wanted to do a graphic about it. I even researched ages ago that in 1983/4 West End Girls would be the most likely song he had heard from them and it mentions 'Finland station', so it was perfect. But I then never really started to properly work on it and then I almost forgot it. Until I made those ALiaL graphic and I managed to finish these ones two. Needed to do it in two parts because it works better that way.

https://demisexualnathanvuornos.tumblr.com/tagged/pet-shop-boys

All in all, 2020 wasn't too bad a year for me, creatively. I could give special shoutouts to my Duke Sterling fic (now with a wip sequal), and fics for Lucas' two earlier Xmas movies, Merry In-Laws and A Very Merry Daughter of the Bride. Links available upon request or I might add them myself later.