#i’ve basically watched them my entire life and they mean everything to me

[gleeksfreaksandwannabes]

So apparently this is a good year for 15 year old me… I JUST GOT MEET AND GREET TICKETS FOR DAN AND PHIL’S NEW TOUR!

I’m not doing a big long emotional post for this one but just know that they mean the absolute fucking world to me and I’ve been to every tour and couldn’t do meet and greet, so after TWELVE YEARS OF WAITING I finally get to meet them and tell them how grateful I am for them getting me through some tough shit and for coming back to us again! Dude I cannot with how excited I am for this!!

[lokissweater]

miss pretty

{single dad!katsuki bakugo x kindergarten teacher f!reader}

summary: katsuki bakugo has never liked mess and always made sure his son and his life reflected just that. with years worth of a sparkling clean and organized home, toys put away and not once scattered about, and a barking knack over any calls of disorder in his life— meeting you, his sons sweet and sugary kindergarten teacher who was the definition of pure and who was for some reason turning his fiery heart into complete goo— was altering his boring strict cycles of no messes around… and for the better.

warnings: cursing, FLUFFF GALORE MY GAWD??, no smut but a lil steamy something, slight angst, afab!reader, katsuki thinks you are an ANGEL, sunshine x grumpy trope, mentions of abandonment, WHOLESOME AFFF, use of y/n, all characters are aged up.

word count: 11.4k

authors note: THIS MAKES ME WANT TO BE A MOTHERRRRR omg this one is sickeningly sweet and i’ve gotten a few requests to do sunshine x grumpy with sir katsuki and i WAS ALLL OVERRR ITTT i hope i fulfilled!!! <333 THANK YOU THANK YOU AS ALWAYS FOR ALL OF YOU BEING SOOO SWEETT TO MEEE I LOVE YOUUUU MWAAAHHH :] <33333

katsuki bakugo hated messes.

“oi!” he grunted, his son’s little head turning to look at him as he munched on his gummy fruit snacks from the backseat. “you better not leave that wrapper in here. take it outside with you when i drop you off.”

“kaaayyy!” his son dragged out happily, completely unphased by his dads snappy personality as he contemplated on which color fruit gummy to eat next.

“and wash your hands too. ask your teacher.”

“mhm!” he chirped.

“and don’t be a brat. pay attention.”

“yup yup!”

and for the most part, his life reflected that almost entirely— raising his son to always clean up after himself and not make bombastic huge messes around the house, begrudgingly understanding that he’s a small growing human, that a little spill of apple juice or two is basically guaranteed… but he just hated mess, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t raise his son right to be a clean and organized man even at five years old— katsuki keeping everything in his life practically spotless.

that was of course, until he met you.

katsuki shoved through the other parents in line as he went up to the front desk in the main office with a grip on his sons little hand, not giving a damn about the glares and huffs of bewilderment he got as there was no way in hell he was gonna wait like an idiot with the rest of them.

the lady at the front desk raised a quizzical eyebrow.

“can i help—”

“where the fuck is room twenty four.”

her eyes bulged open as the rest of the parents in line softly gasped and murmured.

“e—excuse me?—”

he rolled his eyes.

“room twenty four.” he pushed. “where is it?”

“sir— if you need me to help you i’d like you to wait in line until—”

“hah?! absolutely not.” he spat. “if i wait in that fucking line my son’s gonna be late why can’t you just tell me—”

“uh sir if you could—”

katsuki’s son giggled as he continued to spout profanities at the poor front desk lady.

“—sir please no foul language there are children around—”

“i don’t give a shit! just tell me where room twenty four is what the hell is so hard about that?!—”

“oh! that’s my class!”

katsuki snapped his head over, fiery red eyes shooting towards the voice until they landed on yours.

“is he one of my kids?” you smiled sweetly, eyes coming down to look at his son.

“oh—” he let his shoulders relax just a tad as he watched you fix the strap of his sons backpack on his shoulder. “i mean— if your class is twenty four—“

“it is!” you beamed, nudging your head. “i’ll show you where!”

“hiii miiiissss!” his son greeted, happy and silly as he followed you down the hall.

“hi honey!” you gushed, just as excited as he was as you patted over his blonde scruffy hair. “what’s your name?”

“milo!”

“nice to meet you milo! are you excited for your first day?”

“yeaaahh!” he cheered, smile bright as he grabbed your hand.

katsuki’s eyes widened.

“milo!” he snapped lowly. “what’d i tell ya? you can’t grab her hand like that you have to ask—”

“oh it’s alright!” you dismissed, smiling. “i don’t mind it at all! the other kids do it too.”

milo snickered and stuck his little tongue out at his dad, and katsuki rolled his eyes.

“is he yours?” you asked kindly, tilting your head.

“who else would he be…” he grumbled.

“i guess you’re right!” you giggled. “he looks just like you.”

katsuki’s eyes flickered to yours before dropping back down, a permanent furrow in his brows as you all rounded the corner.

“here we are—”

“ooo! ooo!” milo hopped up and down. “miss you have race cars?! dad can i please go?!”

he looked over, a mountain of toys scattered about in the classrooms play area, little kids already making a damn mess and the school day hadn’t even officially started yet.

“the hell you asking me for? ask your tea—”

“miss miss can i please go play with the race cars?!—”

“of course my love! go! go have fun.” you smiled, gently ushering him on before milo zoomed over to the play area and crouched down with the rest of the kids.

“oi!” katsuki barked. “put them away when you’re done!”

he huffed under his breath as he watched his son give him a thumbs up and fucking dump the entire bucket of race cars down on the ‘abc’ play rug, taking one in each hand and dragging them across floor.

“he’s so cuteee.” you grinned. “i’m glad he’s not afraid being it’s his first day.”

“oh fuck no.” he mumbled. “milo doesn’t care. the little runt doesn’t have a filter and does whatever the hell he wants without askin’ sometimes.”

he leaned against the doorsill as he watched milo converse with another kid and share a car, satisfaction in his chest that his son was sharing and being nice.

“but i guess he gets that from me.” he finished off.

you nodded. “but that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

he pursed his lips.

“in my experience, not really.”

you hummed.

“i think it’s definitely a good thing… i’d rather be assertive of things and not be afraid of what the consequences will be.”

katsuki looked at you, properly this time.

“what’s a kindergarten teacher afraid of?”

you shrugged, a slow playful grin spreading across your face.

“parents.”

he snorted, crossing his arms over his chest and you quickly had to look away, a pink buzz to your cheeks at the way his big built arms flexed.

inappropriate inappropriate inappropriate—

“i don’t know how you do it..” he spoke lowly.

“do what?”

“take care of little shits all day.”

you laughed loudly, reeling over a bit as he watched you out of the corner of his eye.

“i don’t take care of them! i teach them.” you quipped cutely. “they’re small, but this is when their brains drink up the most knowledge… and i love to see the progress from the beginning of the year compared to the end! i love it all really.”

pure.

katsuki curtly nodded, your sweet positive ambiance throwing him completely off, as he doesn’t think he’s ever met or surrounded himself around someone who’s directly emmitted the feeling of sunshine and rainbows and candy as much as you did.

and his cheeks flared up for some reason.

“oh!” you looked to the time on your little wrist watch and walked inside your classroom. “it’s almost time to start! i have to wrangle them all in their seats heh!”

katsuki swallowed and nodded.

“milo!”

he turned and upon seeing his dad wave him over, milo dropped his toys and bounded to him.

“don’t give her a hard time alright?” he spoke sternly, nudging his head over at you for emphasis. “listen. listen and learn and be the best one in there.”

“kaaayyy!”

“and you let me know if any of the other kids mess with you or you deal with it yourself. you already know how—”

“beat the crap out of them!” he cheered loudly and katsuki’s hand flew to clasp over his sons mouth before his frantic eyes looked at you.

the last thing he needed was someone to call up fucking child protective services on him.

“he’s joking! he’s joking… fuck.”

you giggled hard and clutched your stomach, your pretty smile sending katsuki for a loop.

“no you’re absolutely right!” you waved your hands in front of your face, reassuring. “treat others the way you want to be treated, so if someone’s being mean to you, bite back milo, okay? and also let me know first though!”

katsuki gave you a wobbly tiny smile amidst his branded serious face, looking at his son then and ruffling up his hair.

“okay, go.” milo ran off. “and don’t let me pick you up with dirt all over your clothes ya hear me?!”

“byeee daaaddd!”

you could tell that behind his harsh exterior— the slight purse of his lips, stiff frame and bouncing leg gave away that he was only worried about his kid and his first day of school, a sight you’ve seen time and time again since you started working as a kindergarten teacher, and one that never failed to warm your heart.

“don’t worry!” you sweetly smiled, and katsuki switched his gaze over to yours. “i’ll watch him especially… okay? to ease the nerves.”

he softly snorted, attempting to play it off but internally relieved as he pushed himself off the doorsill and nodded, thankful that the teacher milo got was as kind as you.

“um…” he mumbled. “katsuki.”

you tilted your head. “katsuki?”

“it’s my name idiot.”

“oh!” you giggled, a blush rising in your cheeks again as you tried to simmer it down. “nice to meet you katsuki! i’ll see you after school then with milo?”

he stiffly nodded, the way his name sounded so sugary off your tongue something he’d never heard before in his life or was used to at all.

“…ya gonna tell me yours or what?”

“sorry!” you sputtered, laughing nervously. “sorry it just— flew! you know—”

you stuck your hand out and offered it to him.

“y/n!”

katsuki untangled his arms and firmly shook it, grip strong and one that nearly made you stumble forward as you caught yourself and smiled.

“i’ll see you katsuki!”

out of all of the kids you’ve taught, milo was by far the cutest one.

the little man was like your personal assistant— a little bee buzzing around as he followed you everywhere in the classroom and helped you clean up after the rest of the kids that didn’t, ‘yelling’ at some of them to and cutely scolding them whenever he’d catch them leave some things behind, and was always on watch for you like a security guard with his little balled up fists on his hips, surveilling the classroom for any misbehaving kids or messes that you’d missed throughout the day.

all traits you no doubt knew he got from katsuki, even if you had just met him. it was pleasantly obvious.

“thanks for helping me out today, milo!” you gushed, pushing another students chair in as they all sat down and chattered for lunch. “you made my job a lot easier!”

“really?!” he squealed, big glimmering eyes beaming up at you before he happily chowed down on some apple slices.

and you noticed then milo’s lunch was insane, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cut up and molded neatly into the shape of panda bears, his watermelon and apple slices shaped like stars with carrots and celery lined up with a little wedge of lemon if he wished, tiny rice balls on the side for a little snack you figured in case what he had didn’t fill him up— all so considerate and careful…

“wow!” you exclaimed, kneeling down next to him. “your lunch looks so yummy my love! did your mommy make this?”

“nuh uh!” he shook his head, cheeks filled with watermelon. “my dad did!”

you faltered.

“katsuki made this?”

“who’s katsuki miss?” he asked curiously, sipping on his little juice box after swallowing the fruit in his mouth.

you giggled. “nothing! nothing. enjoy your lunch okay?”

you went to stand, but milo’s hand shot out and caught your wrist.

“can you— can you eat lunch with me?” he mumbled shyly, fiddling with some carrot pieces in his hands. “please.. i always eat with my dad but he’s not here…”

your eyes softened and you quickly nodded.

“of course! let me just go grab my lunch and ill bring it over! sounds good?”

“yaaaayyyy!” he cheered happily, arms up as you scooched a tiny chair over from a nearby table and sat with him, laughing at his cute expression.

you knew you shouldn’t use a little kid to pry… but you were guiltily curious as to know if katsuki was married or not for reasons that made you ridiculously flustered and red in the face over.

and you wanted to be respectful in case he was… since the ogling you did at his muscles this morning through his black ribbed tank was the most embarrassing moment of your career and one you hadn’t seen coming at all, it catching you off guard and feeling horrible if katsuki indeed had a wife.

but he didn’t have a ring on his finger…

“milo?” you spoke up softly.

he smiled big. “yes miss!”

“does your mommy make you lunch as well or just your dad?”

he shook his head. “just my dad! i don’t have a mom.”

your shoulders deflated.

he didn’t have a mom… at all?

you slowly reached over then and patted his blonde hair, smiling warmly as his cheeks went pink. “that’s alright! i’m sure your dad makes you lunches like this every time huh?”

“yeah!” he gasped excitedly. “yesterday he made pizzas and cut them into dinosaurs! it was so cool! and then!— and then this morning for breakfast i had waffles that looked like dynamite blasts!”

“oh my goodness!” you giggled, your heart absolutely thumping over the fact that katsuki was so dedicated to his son like that. “man, i wish my lunches were as cute as yours!”

his little eyes snapped to yours.

“i’ll tell him!”

your brows furrowed confusedly. “wha—”

“to make you lunch! i’ll tell my dad to make you lunch!”

your eyes widened and you frantically shook your head, cheeks blazing as you laughed. “oh no my love! that’s totally okay don’t worry about me silly—”

“i’ll tell him i’ll tell him i’ll tell him!—”

“milo it’s okay! i’m a big girl.” you grinned. “i’m supposed to make my own lunches.”

milo grumbled and plopped a carrot in his mouth, begrudgingly chewing as he sat there in thought.

“…will you at least let me share some of mine?”

you pouted at his generosity, wondering how a kid could be so sweet as you nodded and held your hand up.

“of course sweetie! whatever you wa—”

milo plopped all of his peanut butter sandwiches in your palm and grinned, earning a gasp from you.

“milo this is too much i can’t—”

“eat it! eat it! eait it!—”

by the end of the day, you managed to get milo to take back his sandwiches in exchange for one singular watermelon star piece, him still doing his regular duties of being your little assistant and helping you clean up after everyone before the final bell rang signaling the end of class, you carefully making sure each kiddo got their designated backpack (as there was often a mix up) and art pieces they made for their parents to take home— a permission slip for the end of the year field trip tucked away inside their bags.

and the minute you stepped outside with the rest of the kids, you were surprised to see that katsuki was one of the first parents there as he stood directly across from your classroom with crossed arms, an angry usual scowl on his face that made you laugh to yourself as you led your kids to sit down on a bench in a single file line until their parents physically came to get them or their vehicles pulled up.

“milo!” you tapped his shoulder gently. “your daddy’s over there!”

“DAAADDD!!”

milo jumped up and ran across the grass, his tiny arms out as katsuki smiled softly and crouched down to pick his son up and settle him on his lower abdomen, you wringing your fingers behind your back and walking up to them.

“were you a brat?” he grunted.

“nope!”

“did any kids mess with you?”

“nope!”

“did you leave a mess?”

“nope!”

you giggled, and katsuki’s eyes snapped in your direction.

“how was he?”

“he did so good!” you gushed, patting milo’s back as he grinned. “was my little helper and everything! didn’t leave a single mess behind and helped me clean up after everyone else… he even made sure everyone was paying attention and not misbehaving.”

“yeah! yeah! see dad?” milo poked his dads cheek. “i didn’t lie!”

“never said you lied you little runt.” he scowled. “…but good job.”

“thanks!”

katsuki set him down after milo started kicking his legs and saying something about the swings, him instantly running towards the playground and to the slide.

“did he actually do all of that?” he spoke up.

“oh yes!” you quickly nodded. “i’ve never had a kid do that before so it was really nice of him to!”

you detached your fingers from around your back and fiddled with them.

“you teach him well katsuki.”

he scoffed and turned his head, cheeks pink as he tried to regain his composure.

“damn right i do.”

you giggled then, the memory of milo telling you he didn’t have a mother suddenly popping into your mind as you watched him happily slide down the blue slide head first.

“hey i don’t mean to um..” you timidly began. “i don’t mean to pry but—”

katsuki raised a brow at you and you snapped your mouth shut.

“nothing! nothing nevermind—”

“spit it out.”

“no it’s alright! sorry i—”

he glared and you cowered, smiling bashfully as you bit your bottom lip.

“milo… milo mentioned that he didn’t have a mommy? i was just— wondering if that was true…”

“tch—” he shook his head. “that’s what you were afraid of askin’ me?”

“i told you i’m scared of parents…” you slumped cutely, and he chuckled.

“it’s just me and him.” he answered. “his mom’s never been a part of our lives.”

your heart sunk a little, eyes sad as your gaze shifted to milo playing and racing around with another kid.

“don’t do that.”

you jumped and looked at katsuki.

“do— do what—”

“look all sad and shit.”

he hesitantly reached over and planted an index finger to the crease between your brows, the feeling rough as he tried to gently drag it down and smooth over the lines.

“it’s fine.” he grumbled, letting his arm fall to his side. “it doesn’t bother him. at least i don’t think it does.”

“no!” you spoke quickly, a crazed blush on your cheeks. “it doesn’t! and milo speaks so highly of you… especially the lunches you make him.”

his brows furrowed. “his lunch?”

“yeah!” you nodded excitedly. “you prepare it so so well! how do you get his sandwiches to look like little bears? and his fruit?! every time i try to cut mine into stars they always break in half…”

he huffed out a laugh, finding your little whine funny as he reached over and ruffled up your hair, you smiling cheekily in response.

“do you use molds?” you asked politely. “to shape out the bear?”

“fuck no.” he scoffed. “i do it myself.”

your eyes flew open.

“what?! so that’s really just you? and the dinosaurs too? the pizza dinosaurs? and the waffles? the ones that looked like dynamite blasts—”

“jesus christ how much did that kid tell you?”

your face grew hot as you smacked a hand over your mouth.

“sorry!” you giggled. “i just was thinking— that his lunch was really cute and thoughtful…” you took your hand away from your face. “i’m really glad that you do little things like that for milo to make him happy.”

katsuki stared at you, your swarm of compliments and sweetness and sunshine and butterflies almost suffocating as you looked at him with those pretty doe eyes, his throat oddly closing up the longer he stared right back and allowed you to pull him into your world of wonder and abc blocks and puzzles.

but it wasn’t suffocating in a bad way, not at all.

and… maybe he did want you to pull him in.

“dad dad dad!”

milo ran over, sweaty and red faced as he reached the two of you.

“there’s a dead lizard in the slide!”

“a dead lizard?” you laughed, surprised as you reached for his little water bottle from his backpack on the ground and uncapped the lid, handing it over and ushering him to drink.

katsuki didn’t know why the domestic sight of you doing that made him melt a bit.

a bit.

“yeah miss! it was big and gross.” he breathed out after gulping some of his icy cold water. “but i buried him!”

his dads red eyes snapped down to his and narrowed.

“don’t tell me you touched that thing milo.”

“i did!” he giggled.

“oh my fucking god—” katsuki snatched his hand and started pulling him to the car as milo giggled and stuck his tongue out.

“it’s a prank! some other girl in my class did… but i helped with the dirt!”

you chuckled softly as you watched katsuki stop and roll his eyes, coming back over to you with a hyper milo.

“say bye to your teacher ya little runt. and you’re still taking a shower when you get home!”

“but i don’t wanna take a showeerrr!” milo whined, letting go of his dads hand and running to you, you crouching and extending your arms big with a pretty smile.

“bye my love!” you hugged him tight as he giggled. “i’ll see you tomorrow okay? and give your daddy a break. no more digging up dirt and playing with dead lizards.”

“kaayyyy!”

you both let go and he stepped back, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before bouncing back to his dad.

katsuki choked on his spit.

“oi!” he barked. “you can’t just kiss her cheek milo the hell is going on with you?!—”

“it’s okay don’t worry!” you smiled kindly. “he’s just being sweet is all! i don’t mind.”

“you sure?” he pushed, milo snickering. “i—”

you waved him off and wrung your fingers behind your back, leaning forward.

“i’ll see you tomorrow morning kats!”

and he froze, nodding hard as he quickly took milo’s hand and backpack before walking to the car, his heart completely aflame in his chest and cheeks red as he led his babbling son further into the parking lot and inside the car, buckling him up in his car seat before hopping in himself and starting the engine, unbelieving that he had barely just met you and he was already thinking and acting like a fucking dumbass.

“and then we learned the days of the week! oh!— and we learned numbers! i can count to fifteen dad!”

“that’s good milo.” he responded, pulling out of the schools parking lot and craning his neck to see if he could catch a final glimpse of you and settling once he did, you so pretty and conversing so nicely with another kid until he was out of the lot.

“did you eat all of your lunch? y/n tells me ya shared with her.”

“i did! i did share with her.” he grinned. “she liked my lunch!”

“good.” katsuki gave him a thumbs up through the rear view mirror. “that’s good that you always share. especially with her.”

“yup yup! she’s preeettyyy.”

he rolled his eyes, but a small smile grew at the corner of his lips as he nodded curtly.

“that she is.”

katsuki continued to drop off his son personally at your classroom every morning before school.

even when it had been a couple of months into the year, at this point many students already used to their route to and out of class and their parents just dropping them off and leaving— them not even allowed on campus as security rounded every corner and told any parents who wished to go in that they weren’t supposed to, as per policy.

but not katsuki.

katsuki didn’t give a fuck as he stormed through the main office and ignored the calls of the front desk lady, her already used to the rude asshole who came through the building every morning as he strode by and down the hall to class twenty four… wanting to see you— his son’s pretty kindergarten teacher that was sweet and joyful and someone who was everything he wasn’t, his mind curious and filled with your giggles and smiles throughout the time that he’d gotten to know you and chat with you in the mornings and the afternoons, loving the way you were with milo and treated him like he was literally your own— always watching over him and making sure he had had enough to eat and drink and that his hands were washed when he wasn’t around.

and even katsuki himself— you bringing him candy bags from their classroom parties or donuts that were passed to faculty in the mornings and saving yours for him, treats he always took and ate with no questions asked even though he wasn’t a fan of sugary shit and junk food, always making the exception for you.

he had never experienced honest help like that… he’d never experienced someone caring enough about him and his son like the way you did so perfectly every single day…

and katsuki feared that he was a little obsessed.

“oh! miss y/n!”

“yes honey?” you responded kindly, opening a juice pouch for another student and handing it to them carefully during lunch.

milo dug into his lunch pail and pulled out a small container, sticking his hand up and offering it to you.

your brows furrowed, taking it from him.

“what’s this milo?”

“it’s from my dad!”

you stopped, heart dropping to your ass as you recounted his words.

from katsuki?

“your— your dad?”

“mhm!”

you shakily popped the lid of the container open, eyes widening and filling with hearts once you saw a mix of star shaped strawberries and watermelon and papayas, drizzled over with sparkling strings of honey and singular little blueberries scattered about.

“for me?” you asked softly, crouching down next to milo. “my love— are you sure this isn’t for you? i think your dad cut these up for you—”

“nope! for you!” he gave you a big toothy smile before stuffing his mouth with crackers. “he told me not to eat it and to give it to you.”

he swallowed and reached up, you tilting down your head so he could pat it just like you always did for him.

“i hope you like it miss! they look like the ones you told me looked cute!”

“i— i love them milo.. thank you!”

you picked up a papaya piece and ate it, entirely dazed and love struck as your tastebuds savored over the sweet velvety thick honey, literally blinking back tears at how thoughtful and kind katsuki was.

he didn’t have to do this at all… yet he took the time anyways out of his morning to do this for you.

and your heart nearly fucking gave out.

after school once you got your rowdy kids to sit neatly on the bench and wait for their parents, you extended a hand for milo and he hopped off the bench and took it, you both walking up to a waiting katsuki as he stood there with a soft smile on his face.

“hi kats!”

“hey.” he picked his son up and settled him over his abdomen, milo’s arms clinging around his neck and chin propped up on his dads shoulder as he was exhausted from a days worth of playing and learning.

“i wanted to um—” you peered up at him. “i um—”

his brows furrowed, and just as he was about to bark about you stumbling over your words, he stopped.

your bottom lip was trembling.

you hurriedly wiped your eyes.

“i wanted to thank you—” hic! “f—for the star shaped fruit this morning—”

“why are you crying dumbass?” he mumbled, reaching over and wiping some tears with his rough fingers.

“because it was so nice!” you sobbed, shoulders shaking as you let him wipe your cheeks. “and— and you put honey over it too! you didn’t have to do any of that for me!”

“tch—”

he flicked your forehead softly, not enough to hurt you but enough to get you to snap out of your hiccups as you sniffled.

“it’s just fruit y/n—”

“but it’s not.” you wiped your eyes again. “not to me anyways…”

katsuki slowly lowered his arm, gaze tracing over your pretty face and perfect hair and the way you cried over something so stupid, his brain unable to process the fact that an act as simple as cutting fruit up for you could make you this happy, and it made him want to see what you saw for once— how you saw the world for exactly what it was and appreciated it regardless of how big or small things were, not snippy or angry or spiteful over everyone and thinking everything was out to get him and his son.

“crybaby…” he grumbled. “i’m glad you liked it though.”

“i did kats.. a lot. thank you.” you wiped the last of your tears and smiled. “i’m sorry i cried.”

what a pretty sweet girl…

he shook his head and hoisted milo up, him completely knocked out with drool coming out of his mouth as katsuki felt it run down his shoulder, barely even noticing that though as his entire focus was trained purely on you.

was it okay if he… asked you out? would it be weird? would you tell him to fuck off?

katsuki internally rolled his eyes at his stupid fucking high school boy thoughts, though it didn’t alleviate the gnawing feeling that if you did tell him to fuck off… that he’d be angrily mortified at his fail and probably lose the right to talk to you since it’d be too awkward to.

but you were just so fucking sweet. all of the time.

“listen uh—” he cleared his throat, face growing hot. “i was wondering if ya wanted to eat dinner with me… sometime.”

you stared, eyes big and shocked and katsuki took it defensively and entirely the wrong way.

“forget it.” he snapped. “forget it i didn’t say shit—”

“no! no no—” you quickly shook your head. “no it’s okay i would!”

he stopped.

“you would?”

“of course!” you expressed sweetly, cheeks hurting from how big you were smiling as you tried to simmer down your giddy squeals. “i’d love to have dinner with you…”

his tense shoulders slowly relaxed, an eventual small smile growing on his face.

“a—alright uh…” he sighed. “i’d prefer to take ya somewhere nice but i don’t really have anyone to watch milo—”

you shook your head again, brows pinched. “oh no kats— we don’t have to go anywhere at all! we can order something in at your place and eat with milo? or— or my place?”

“my place.” he replied. “and i’ll cook.”

he cooks?!

“okay!” you giggled, your hand reaching up and patting over milo’s sleepy head gently. “sounds good!”

katsuki and you agreed on the details of the date after and bid each other bashful goodbyes, swooning as you watched him walk away into the parking lot with a sleeping milo in his arms and feeling like none of this was fucking real, for you couldn’t believe someone as handsome and cool as katsuki would ever be interested in someone like you.

and funnily enough, he felt the complete opposite, stressed and extra snappy as he cleaned the house from top to bottom (though it barely needed it), unnecessarily fixed the positioning of the furniture and made milo put away his toys, him not even whining or protesting like he usually did solely because the little man knew you were coming— pretty miss y/n with the pretty smile and the nicest lady he had ever met, and one he secretly hoped would be his new mommy every time he saw you and his dad converse before and after school, thinking you would fit the role perfectly.

especially after his dad had given you those fruits as a present!

“milo!” katsuki called. “come ‘ere!”

his son ran into the kitchen, toy race car in hand. “what!”

“be good today, ya hear me?” he pushed, face stern as he flipped a kitchen towel over his shoulder and sautéed vegetables in his frying pan. “please milo. don’t try to be funny and do somethin’ to scare y/n off.”

milo gave him a look.

“scare miss y/n off? dad you’re gonna scare her off not me!” he giggled. “silly.”

“yeah..” he grunted. “you’re probably right but i’m just sayin’. i’m thinking of the time grandma came over and ya put that fake rat in her purse to try and be funny.”

“ohhh yeeeeah!” he doubled over in little fits of laughter, holding his stomach as he did. “i did do that!”

“see what i mean?” katsuki grumbled, snatching the kitchen towel from his shoulder and throwing it down on the counter top, stepping back to peek in the oven. “you better not do that with y/n please.”

“i won’t!” he grinned. “not when she’s about to be my new mommy!”

katsuki choked as his spit went down the wrong pipe, bending over and coughing uncontrollably in his elbow before spinning around and looking at his son with wide eyes and pink cheeks.

“the hell you just say?”

“what!” milo tilted his head. “that y/n is gonna be my new mommy?”

his eyes grew even wider as he dropped the pan he was holding on the stove and leaned back, running his hands over his face.

“oh you little runt please don’t say that in front of her, alright?”

he pouted. “why not?”

“you’ll scare her off! worse than when you put that fake rat in grandmas purse!”

“boooo!” milo stuck his tongue out and crossed his little arms over his chest. “whatever.”

“oi!”

“what!”

katsuki’s doorbell chimed and milo booked it to the front door.

“missss preettyyyy!!—”

“milo get your ass back here!—”

katsuki swung the door open and swooped his son in his arms just as he was about to pounce on you in midair, you giggling and covering your mouth as you watched the scene unfold before you.

“i’m sorry—”

“hiii misss y/nnn!” milo greeted happily, dangling off of his dad as katsuki tried to stop him from wiggling out of his grip. “i’m so exciteeeddd!—”

“hi my love!” you gushed warmly, smile wide as you extended your arms and walked forward, taking milo in your arms and setting him on your hip. “how are you? you excited to hang out with meee?”

“yes! yes!” he vigorously nodded. “i wanna show you all my race cars!”

“oh i can’t wait to seeee!” you bounced him on your hip and he giggled, you turning your attention and smiling at katsuki.

“hi kats!”

“the little brat is hogging—”

milo blew a silly raspberry at him before wrapping his arms around you and shoving his face into your neck.

you laughed and ran a soothing hand over the little man’s back, katsuki rolling his eyes before stepping to the side and letting you in, shutting the door behind him and leading you over to the kitchen.

and jesus christ you looked beautiful, him noting that pink was what you mainly wore on the day to day as he eyed your small rosy cardigan, you walking through his home and looking around and oblivious to the way he was staring at you like a fucking creep.

katsuki bit the inside of his cheek as he watched your eyes scan your surroundings, stupidly nervous about what you’d think of his house and furniture and minuscule decorations, and annoyed with himself that he’d even give a shit about something like that, trying to occupy himself and ignore it as he looked in the oven and lifted lids of various pots and pans, checking over tonight’s dinner.

“i’m sorry i’m behind…” he grumbled and waved his hand around. “had to clean the house and shower milo since he decided to play in the fuckin’ mud this morning.”

“oh you don’t have to apologize for that kats!” you looked at him worriedly. “you don’t have to apologize for anything i totally understand…”

you hoisted milo further up your hip and grinned. “i’m just happy to spend time with the both of you.”

katsuki felt smoke puff out of his red ears as he nodded and scratched the back of his neck, turning slightly and lifting the lids from his pots and pans again.

“miss preettyyyy!” milo whined. “when can i show you my race cars?!”

katsuki scowled and you laughed.

“now honey! but how about we move some of your toys to the living room so i can spend time with both you and dad? how does that sound?”

“yayayay!!” milo cheered, bouncing on your hip as you smiled cutely and set him down, him running off down the hall and you quickly following after him.

milo talked you through his entire collection of race cars as you both sat down on the living room rug— telling you the model of each and every one, what they did, how fast they went, they places they’d gone, and which were his favorites as you excitedly talked to him about his cars and shifted conversation between him and katsuki, a task he was surprised you did so efficiently, but then quickly realized that that was literally your fucking job everyday dealing with little brats talking your ears off and you attending all of them at the same time.

and when it came around to dinner time, you helped katsuki set up even through his snapping and huffing that you absolutely shouldn’t, you giving him a silly little face as you assisted anyways and set up milo’s booster seat, picking him up and sitting him down before buckling him up while katsuki placed your dishes on the table—

and gourmet fucking dishes at that.

you were bewildered. absolutely bewildered as you gawked over the lasagna platter he set before you, it delicate and fancy looking as he had even draped sauce on your gray ceramic plate in gourmet intricate designs, knowing that katsuki had mentioned to you he was a chef over the several months you’d gotten to know him, but you didn’t know exactly to which extent that chef occupation stretched to.

“kats…” you murmured. “what do you do for a living.”

“i told you idiot.” he passed over a couple of napkins and you gratefully took them, taking one then and wiping down milo’s mouth as he messily ate his cut up pieces of lasagna. “i’m a cook.”

“yeah but what kind? where?”

“why?” he gruffed. “does it look like shit?”

“no!” you giggled. “absolutely not the opposite actually! this is probably the most beautiful lasagna i’ve ever seen in my life.”

“duh.” he responded, but sent you a small smile as he ate. “i’m an executive chef down at a restaurant in the city.”

your jaw dropped. “the city?! you’re so cool kats! oh my goodness!”

his face flushed.

“my dad says his boss is a piece of—”

“don’t say it!” katsuki snapped at his son, eyes wide as you slapped a hand over your mouth to keep yourself from laughing, not wanting to encourage the little man any further.

“milo i told ya not to cuss until you’re ten—”

“ten?!” you giggled loudly and let your hand fall, sticking your fork in your lasagna and eating. “as long as he cusses with you and not at you… i think it should be fine!”

katsuki stopped.

you get it. or you rile up his bad cussing habit. either or he might as well have found his fucking soulmate.

“miss pretty!” milo called.

“yes my love?”

“do you have a boyfriend?”

katsuki smacked a hand on his forehead and you snickered.

“i don’t!” you grinned. “why milo?”

“because i want you to be my new—”

“milo if ya shut your mouth right now i’ll buy you two new race cars tomorrow.”

his son gasped dramatically and pursed his lips shut, eyes big and excited as he tried to contain himself and do as told.

“his new what?” you tilted your head cutely, katsuki’s heart hammering against his rib cage as he stuffed his mouth with food.

he shrugged. “the fuck should i know?”

“but i wanna know!” you pouted, taking your final bites of your yummy dinner.

he swallowed.

“do you want dessert?”

you gasped. “oh my god yes! i do!”

“then i suggest you shut your mouth too.”

you laughed over the table, quickly nodding as you pursed your lips like milo and pinched your thumb and index finger together, running it across your mouth and twisting your wrist like a pretend lock before dropping your hand in your lap, giddy and excited over dessert.

katsuki playfully rolled his eyes and stood, collecting all of your plates and stacking them on top of each other before taking them over to the sink.

“dad!” milo called as he bounced in his seat, katsuki grunting in response.

“what’d you make for dessert!”

“mochi.”

“yaaaayyyyy!” he cheered happily. “can i eat it with y/n in the living room?”

katsuki’s brows furrowed. “the living room?”

“yeah!” milo exclaimed. “so i can keep showing her my race cars!”

he struggled for a moment before eventually nodding. “alright… but don’t make a mess i just cleaned—”

you and milo ended up building a fucking fort once he gave you the all clear, you both saying something about it adding to the ambiance as you used the couch cushions for makeshift walls and milo’s choo choo train sheets for the roof and tent, katsuki before he knew it his entire living room a fucking mess as the three of you sat amongst the scattered about pillows and blankets eating your bits of mochi, milo mainly inside the little tent you made for him as you and katsuki were too big to fit inside with him.

his living room was a mess… but he didn’t mind.

katsuki didn’t mind the mess.

your way of living was entirely different from his, as yours had everything to do with mess due to your full time job with kids— paint all over your hands and face, marker stains on your clothes and sticky glue residue and pieces of cut up construction paper somehow in your hair, all things katsuki despised for years and made sure his house never reflected any of that.

but in that moment, with his living room in complete disarray and the positioning of his couches utterly fucked up? the dishes still in the sink and the table still set?

katsuki didn’t fucking care.

because he had never seen his son so happy. he had never seen him so excited and hyper as you helped him set up and somehow tie fairy lights that katsuki had somewhere up in his attic for holiday seasons around the fort, you looking fucking gorgeous under the dim dark lightning as you read milo one of his favorite children’s books you got from his little shelf in his room— ‘the very hungry caterpillar,’ one of your favorites too as his son followed along with you and giggled whenever you’d make a silly joke only a five year old would find funny.

and katsuki felt warm… that’s all he ever felt when he was around you.

is this what it was like to be a family?

“oh my goodness i almost forgot!” you quickly sat up and handed milo the book, him taking it as you crawled over and reached for your bag. “i brought something for you honey!”

milo gasped and sat up. “really?! what?!”

you pulled out a ceramic cream colored globe with hollowed out stars, a small bulb inside as you scooched on your knees back over to a curious katsuki and milo.

“woah..” his son whispered. “what is it?”

you smiled and reached for the nearest outlet, plugging in the little globe and flicking a switch.

the darkened room illuminated itself then with the soft murmur of a lullaby playing, star shaped shadows slowly shifting around the entire living room as milo gasped and stood, frantically pointing at each moving shadow and gushing while his little mind was trying to process how cool and fascinating this was.

and all katsuki could do was stare at you.

stare at the way you sat back on your ankles and pointed with milo, counting how many stars you could see before it shifted and repeating that for fun, stare at the way both of your eyes glowed with wonder and curiosity, and stare at the way you smiled so gracefully and looked unreal now under the starry lights, his heart on overdrive at how gentle you were and how much you cared about his son.

about him.

and katsuki was sure then he was absolutely sick over you.

you all settled after a while of playing games and eating more mochi, especially milo, the little lullaby knocking him out as he snored next to you in his fort, you and katsuki laying down next to each other as you stared up at the shifting stars.

“i’m sorry i made such a mess in your living room..” you whispered bashfully. “i promise i’ll pick everything up before i leave.”

he shook his head. “don’t worry about it i can pick up. it’s fine.”

you smiled at him warmly before looking back up at the ceiling, feet planted on the blanketed flooring as your mindlessly moved your propped up knees side to side.

“was it hard raising milo on your own kats?” you asked softly, fingers wrung together neatly on your tummy.

“it was at first.” he mumbled. “but i got used to doin’ it on my own.”

you frowned, not particularly happy with the idea that katsuki had to raise a human being on his own without any help or guidance, wishing that he would’ve had someone there to help him every once in a while, or just be there for him.

“you did an exceptional job, okay?” you began. “you should know that... milo is such an honest kid… and he’s so precious too.”

katsuki’s eyes softened, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at you in fear of you noticing his stupid flustered face as he opted for keeping his gaze glued to the starry ceiling, your sugary peachy perfume not fucking helping as he decided to sit up instead.

“he is.” he grunted softly. “don’t know how his mom didn’t see that.”

you faltered and sat up with him.

“what do you mean?”

katsuki eyed you before looking down, hands flat behind him propping himself up as he thought.

“ah… milo happened because of some random hookup i had in college.” he mumbled. “didn’t love her or anythin’, i barely knew her but still told her i’d support her and the baby obviously.”

you nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“i was there through her entire pregnancy and when milo was born… but the minute she got discharged from the hospital and took him with her, i woke up at four in the mornin’ with a knock on my door and milo left abandoned on my doorstep.”

you gasped, hand hovering over your mouth.

“are you— are you serious?”

katsuki nodded.

“she wouldn’t answer my calls, my texts, nothing. i went to her house and found out she took the first flight she could to fuck knows where.” he shook his head bitterly. “but i didn’t give a shit about me i’ll raise him i don’t care. it was never about me.

he looked at you. “it was about milo. i didn’t want him to know that his ‘mom’ left him behind like that, and i didn’t want him to think it was his fault or anythin’… shits ridiculous.”

katsuki shifted his gaze back up to the ceiling. “still don’t know how she could ever do something like that.”

the sound of a hiccup make his eyes widen and snap back to you, your eyes filled with fat tears as your bottom lip wobbled, hands coming up to cup over your mouth and nose as you tried to keep it in.

“you’re crying?”

you nodded, squeaky slight sobs slipping past your throat as you strained to keep everything down.

“that’s so cruel.” you cried softly, embarrassingly drowning in your tears in front of him yet again. “you didn’t deserve that at all kats… milo didn’t deserve that you both should’ve had such a good mommy and— and a good support system—”

katsuki pushed himself up and wrapped his big arms around your shoulders, pulling you in and rubbing a hand up and down your back comfortingly.

“you cry over everything y/n.”

“s—” hic! “—sorry—”

he laid the side of his head on top of yours as you shook, somehow feeling guilty of what he told you just because of how much you were crying.

more than when he gave you those star shaped fruits.

“oi…”

katsuki pulled back and looked at you, reaching up and wiping your tears with his thumbs.

“don’t cry baby…”

baby?!

you funnily sobbed even more and shoved your face in his chest, him chuckling as he wrapped his arms back around you and gently swayed side to side.

“stop it idiot.” he mumbled. “it’s fine. it happened years ago n’ milo and i have always been alright on our own.”

…but he wanted you now.

now that he knew what it was like to be softly cared for by someone precious like you, to feel what it was like to be warm and fuzzy and sunshine and rainbows and candy all of the time… and katsuki wanted you so. bad.

“i know..” you hiccuped. “and i’m really glad but i just wish you had someone.”

you pulled away and quickly wiped your wet cheeks. “m’sorry i cried all over your shirt—”

“don’t give a fuck.”

you breathed out a laugh and dropped your hands in your lap, looking at your fingers as you sniffed.

you were always crying for him.

“y/n.”

“yeah?”

he looked to the side with a blush to his cheeks.

“thanks for comin’ today.”

you smiled brightly and nodded.

“of course kats! how could i not?” you looked behind you to a sleeping milo, reaching over and pulling his blanket a little further up his shoulders. “i want you to know that i wanna be there for you and milo…”

he shifted his gaze to you as you turned back around.

“whether— whether you wanna keep seeing me or not—” you gnawed nervously at the inside of your cheek. “which i hope you do! but— but if not that’s totally fine i just want to be there for you both…”

how were you so pure? so thoughtful?

“why the hell wouldn’t i wanna keep seeing you?” he huffed, grumbly and embarrassed as he pursed his lips. “i’d be stupid as fuck not to…”

you blushed, happy shiny eyes looking at him eagerly like he was everything and more, and he wasn’t used to people looking at him like that whatsoever as your gaze flickered down to his lips and back up.

and you were so pretty.

“y/n.”

“mhm?”

he slowly leaned closer.

“would you be mad if i made a move on you—”

“of course not—”

katsuki lunged and planted his rough lips on yours, you tasting like straight sugar and honey as he placed his big hands on the sides of you head and held you like a piece of delicate glass, kissing and sliding your tongues in each others mouths rather quickly and breathy as he moved one hand from your pretty face down to your waist to grip it.

you placed your hands on the blanketed floor and slowly crawled over to him during the makeout, him reaching and wrapping the rest of his built muscly arms around your waist and pulling you to straddle his lap as he ran his hands up and down your sides and back, wanting to feel you as much as he possibly could and squeeze you tight as he gulped your little self down, brows furrowed and lips red.

katsuki pulled away and ran his fiery wet mouth across your jaw and to the spot right below your ear on the side of your neck, your hands gripping his broad shoulders as he bit and sucked and still squeezed you, manhandling you in a way and eating you up.

your eyes fluttered open once you heard a slight rustle, your line of sight catching milo shifting a little in his sleep.

“k—kats—” you breathlessly whispered, pushing a little at his shoulders.

he grunted.

“milo—” you pointed. “he’s waking up—”

“the fucks that gotta do with us—”

“kats!”

he groaned and pulled his mouth from you, scowling over to see his son only shifted positions and was now directly facing the both of you, tiny eyes closed as he drooled and was probably dreaming about race cars and his dads shark shaped pb & j sandwiches.

“the little runt is fine—” he shoved his face back in and gnawed at your neck again as you gasped.

“nooo!” you whined and giggled softly. “now i’m scared he’s gonna wake up…”

he huffed and officially pulled away this time, red eyes dilated and half lidded as he looked over your pinky cheeks and shy face, the purple and blue mark he made on your neck making the right side of his lips curve up into a little prideful smirk, you too distracted to notice over the way he clutched and loosened up the hold on your waist repeatedly.

katsuki kept you on his lap and scooched himself down, laying on his back and head on the pillow as he nudged you to lay on him completely over his chest and body, you more than happy to do so as you settled your head on his pecs and got comfortable with his strong arms around you— feeling so safe and looked after.

and you hadn’t expected to sleep over… but you just didn’t wanna leave, and katsuki sure as hell didn’t want you to either as you softly and quietly talked over the small tinkling of the lullaby and milo’s soft breathing, shadowy stars still slowly shifting around you as you easily switched between various topics— ranging from serious to silly as you ran a loving hand over his chest and his on your back, the both of you subconsciously lulling each other to sleep until you were just as passed out on the floor as milo.

since then, katsuki didn’t wanna let you out of his sight.

as if he wasn’t already involved enough with milo’s school activities because of you, this man became a fucking member of the pta and volunteered himself for every single event so as long as you were there, helping you out especially with fundraisers and bake sales as his desserts always sold out quicker than anything else and made bank as he snickered and boasted at the other parents that weren’t selling as much, you giving him a silly glare that never failed to shut him right up as he wanted to be good for you and not upset you.

the front desk lady even went from hating him to loving him, katsuki grumbling and chucking her a bag of leftover fundraiser chocolate chip cookies on her desk as he passed by to drop off milo in the mornings, serving as a ticket way in and to get her to shut up now instead of yelling at him from down the hall.

and he continued to give you yummy star shaped fruits.

except now some days they looked like hearts or little flowers, and he always made his fruit assortments different so you wouldn’t get tired of them and added different dippings like caramel or chocolate hazelnut, you gushing and nearly bawling literally everyday whenever you’d open the container and milo giggling at you during lunch.

you also never went a day without stopping by or staying over at katsuki’s house since your first initial date, your days so much fun and filled with love as you ate lunch or dinner with the two of them, laughing at milo’s sporadic comments or katsuki’s barking and scolding while you either played with milo, helped katsuki clean up the house and him the kitchen or you the kitchen and vice versa, or simply cuddle on the couch with kisses shared amongst you and katsuki— the three of you with milo seated peacefully and comfortable in the middle while you watched a movie or lulled the little man to sleep.

and katsuki had never felt so complete as he started leaving messes behind without even realizing or stressing about it, and he didn’t know when the fuck it was that he turned so soft and sappy— the change a bit strange to those who knew him as he was just a teeny weeny less explosive and angry over small things, and more so when it came to you and his son.

“make sure you keep your little bucket hat on honey, okay? it’s hot today and i don’t want you to tire yourself out milo.”

the end of the year field trip for the kindergarteners this year was a voyage to the local wildlife sanctuary, a gorgeous exhibit that sat right next to the national science museum in your city, its main attraction being the 25 foot koi pond and butterfly wonderland that housed various butterfly species and their little habitats— the kids field trip assignment being to count how many they see throughout the day and pick one koi fish and butterfly to draw on their journals.

katsuki, of course, volunteered as a chaperone.

“single file line please my loves!” you called, hand by your mouth. “and don’t seperate from your friends okay?! everyone stay where i can see—”

“oi!” katsuki barked, snapping and pointing at a rogue kid who decided to break free from the line and run across the grass. “the fuck do you think you’re doing!—”

“kats!” you breathed out a shocked laugh. “you’re gonna get me fired if you talk to the kids like that—”

“shit! sorry— i’m sorry baby hold on—”

katsuki booked it across the grassy lawn and caught up with the running kid on the other side, the rest of your class giggling and cackling as katsuki swooped him up with one arm and dangled him upside down while he kicked and swung tiny punches to his abs, katsuki not even flinching.

“do that again and see what happens brat.” he spat, the little kid not having a single care in the world as he giggled with the rest of the class, all of them deviously planning to piss katsuki off as much as possible since his outbursts were just funny.

“okay okay—” you smiled apologetically at him before taking the dangling boy from his arm and setting him back down, fixing over his clothes and backpack before patting his head and standing upright.

“no more running alright?” you placed your hands on your hips. “don’t we wanna see some cute little fishies and butterflies?!”

“yeeeeaaaahhhh!!” the babies cheered excitedly, each of them immediately returning to their designated spots in two lines as you grabbed your line leaders tiny hands and started the walk down the grassy field to the sanctuary.

“lemme help ya with one line baby—” katsuki went to grab one of your line leaders hands until they burst into a crying fit.

“no! no! i wanna hold miss y/n’s hand!”

katsuki’s eyes narrowed. “what’s so bad about me hah?”

“you’re ugly! miss y/n is pretty!”

the rest of the kids ruptured, laughing as katsuki sent death glares to a literal child, about to spout something nasty until his eyes flickered to your pleading face, his muscles instantly relaxing as he casted his gaze to the ground with a grumble.

you giggled and gave him a sweet kiss to his cheek in gratitude, his face flushing as he eyed your deep blue overalls and pinky shirt and the way your sunglasses sat pretty in your hair on top of your head.

“what honey?” you tilted your head.

“none of your business.”

you snickered and nudged your shoulder with his, looking over at milo from somewhere in the line to make sure he was okay before walking up the front gates of the sanctuary.

the wildlife guide met you once you all were cleared and inside the greenhouse, your kids absolutely restless as they ‘listened’ to whatever the guide had to say and just wanting to break free and run around to look at all of the fishies and butterflies like you had promised, and you not even listening either as you drooled over the way katsuki’s muscles looked under his t-shirt.

“any questions sweetheart?”

“huh?” your eyes snapped to the guide, cheeks pink as you quickly shook your head. “oh! no not at all! thank you ma’am!”

“alrighty then! just please make sure to tell your students—”

suddenly your two perfect lines broke apart as the kids started running around and pointing at fluttering butterflies and screaming, the guide looking like she’d seen a ghost as the usual quiet and serene sanctuary was now the epitome of noise.

“i’m sorry! i’m sorry—” you guiltily apologized. “my kids will settle down they’re just excited is all…”

the guide kindly waved you off before walking back to the main office, you turning and expecting to see katsuki standing next to you, but faltering once you saw he was on the other side and pulling one of your kids down that had climbed up the gates of one of the sanctuaries closed off exhibits.

“oh god..” you mumbled, about to make your way over until you spotted milo in a corner alone, staring at one of the koi ponds.

“milo?” you called softly, walking up to him.

your heart sank once he turned and you saw his little tear filled eyes and wobbling lip.

“oh no!” you gasped, crouching down and taking his tiny hands in yours. “what’s wrong my love? are you okay? is it too hot?”

you pushed some of his spiky blonde bangs back from his sweaty forehead as he shook his head.

“i can’t draw!” he sniffled. “and the koi fishies keep moving…”

your shoulders relaxed in relief.

“that’s okay!” you took his journal and pencil, wiping his wet cheeks as you smiled sweetly. “as long as we’re patient with the fishies, they’ll swim back and you can draw them again!”

you opened his journal and flipped to a new blank page, the both of you waiting quietly until a big chubby koi fish swam by.

“there!” milo whispered and pointed, and you quickly drew what you could, just making out the shape of the body before it disappeared again.

“and now we wait!” you grinned up at him. “the fishy will come back around and you’ll be able to draw it again.”

“kayyy!!”

“and you can draw milo. i’ve seen your artwork in class, remember? you always get a gold star!”

he giggled. “i do miss pretty!”

you ran a soothing hand over his back before passing his journal back.

“now you try honey—”

“i love you.”

you froze and looked up, katsuki standing there with a sincere and vulnerable look in his eye.

you stood from your crouched position and looked at him wide eyed.

“i’m not— i’m not good at this kinda shit at all and i always say somethin’ dumb but i do.”

“kats—”

“and i’m sorry it took me so long to say it but i tried to make it obvious with my stupid shaped fruits n’ shit… and i always thought you kinda just knew…”

milo was too busy focusing on catching glimpses of the koi fish to draw with his tongue peeking out to even realize what was going on next to him.

“you’re so patient baby. the way you are with me… the way you are with my kid. i need that in my life and i can’t live without it at this point…” he spoke genuinely. “your fuckin’ fault.”

you giggled and covered your face with your hands, face hot to the touch and bashful at everything he was telling you.

“come here.”

you listened and walked forward, dropping your arms as you wrapped them around his abdomen and his around your head, squishing you in his big chest as he propped his chin up.

“do you love me too or what.” he frowned. “cause if not this is shitty and embarrassing—”

“no i do!” you giggled, pulling away and giving him a cheeky smile. “i do kats you know that… i love you. so much.”

he smiled and pecked your lips. “good, miss pretty.”

katsuki had heard the entire conversation you had with his son, your words seeping with such tenderness and care, and he almost passed the fuck out when he thought about how much of a blessing you were, something he’d be a fool not to snatch up and take as he nearly fucking proposed to you in the middle of the sanctuary like an idiot, not knowing at all how a person that pissed people off for a living was loved by a woman who was the definition of pure.

because how the fuck did an angry dunce like him, get lucky with an angel like you?

“oh my god that dumbass kid is climbin’ the fence again— oi!”

katsuki quickly kissed your cheek before flying to the other side of the sanctuary, you doubling over in laughter as you watched him fight and tug and pull, your student not budging at all whatsoever and the rest of the kids laughing at how red katsuki was getting in the face.

“miss pretty!” milo tugged at your overalls, and you looked down to see him holding up his open journal, a cute wobbly sketch of a koi fish on the page as he smiled big. “i drew it! do you like it?!”

“wow milo!” you gushed, crouching down to his level and taking the journal, examining his artwork. “this is beautiful my love! see? i knew you could do it!”

“thank youuu!” he responded sweetly, his little cheeks blushing as he looked at you like he had another thing he wanted to say.

you tilted your head. “do you wanna tell me something else?”

“yeaaahhh.” he dragged. “please love my dad… i know he’s mean but— but he doesn’t mean it!”

your eyes softened as milo looked down at his shoes.

“and love me too… because i want you to be my new mommy…”

you quickly blinked back tears as to not alarm milo, surprisingly successful at preventing them from slipping down your face.

“i do love your dad honey… and you. the both of you i love so so much.”

he beamed. “really?!”

you nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “and i thought i was already your mommy milo!”

the little man gasped and flung his arms around your neck.

“YAAAYYY!” he yelled. “miss pretty is my mommy! i have a mommy now!”

ever since you came into katsuki’s life, his way of living materialized into something completely different.

because now instead of his house being plain and boring and organized from top to bottom without a single thing out of place— it was warm now… happy. and never went a day without smelling like cookies and vanilla as you and katsuki baked with milo any chance you could, set up more pillow forts and tents with starry ceilings, and slept with milo in his room as he snored content in his little bed, you sprawled directly on top of katsuki like he always had you as you both every day intended to leave after putting his son to rest, but ending up falling asleep on the floor each time.

the three of you were a little family.

and katsuki didn’t know why he hated messes so much in the first place.

because mess signified that something had been there, something sunny and tender, something that signified family as you peppered kisses over both your boys’ faces everyday and katsuki drowning you in his rough ones— your man squeezing you so tight all of the time and anywhere, as milo wasn’t just his son now but yours too as you took him to the park or to the aquarium on your days off, the three of you gently living as both of milo’s small hands were occupied now instead of just one.

katsuki’s life looked like it had been generously cherished and lived in for a change.

and katsuki bakugo loved messes.

so as long as they were from you.

taglist!! <33 (THANK YOU THANK YOU!):

@cupcaketeddybehr @soobiary @roachfun @waterfal-ling @saebaey @reneinii @luvvmae @cake-with-the-cream @pixie-dix @2ukika @cramelmacchiao @hy3phiren @umemiaa @wil10wthetree @jameinfrau @pancakeszs @drftnzume @k0z3me @k4zivy @dindjarins1ut @starrnai @tinyray-lovesfood @iloveoldermenn @dazqa @applepi25 @aria-chikage @blu3-l0v3r @rose-tinted-kalopsia @runfrme @unofficialsapphire @dee-writes-anime @megumisluciouslashes @peachyaeger @yourstru1y4ever

[dekusleftsock]

I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.

I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.

I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.

There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:

A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.

B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.

And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.

This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.

But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.

The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).

To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)

And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.

Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.

I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.

Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.

I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.

In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?

ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)

Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.

Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this

And this

Aand this

That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.

[wonderingpanda]

Hello! I was wondering if I can request a fem (she/her) reader x 2012 donnie where reader is basically April. Just in the way of how Donnie is infatuated with her. Maybe something of reader being the exact same way and watching him as well and they bump into each other on the way to stalk the other and they end up confessing to each other and happily ever after! (im projecting so hard RN I'm sorry-)

Have a good day!/night!

Nightly Walk

2012!Donnie x Fem!Reader

Sorry this took me a while to finish. I was working on it and then school came back and I’ve been so focused on everything that I barely had any time to work on it. But, I finally finished it so here it is!

Y/n had known the turtles for years. She met them when she was six, began training when she was eight and became an official kunoichi by the time she was about twelve.

The day her sister and father, April and Kirby, happened to meet the turtles as well was a complete accident and certainly not how she imagined it happening but that’s how it went nonetheless.

Ever since she’s been fighting alongside the turtles, training with Master Splinter and assisting her sister in becoming a fully-fledged kunoichi just as she is.

There’s one thing missing from this story though, a crucial piece of information. See, through all her years of knowing the turtles Y/n could never imagine falling for any of them. They were her secret family, her brothers.

But the day she and her family got captured, the day her two worlds collided, was also the day she found herself in Donnie’s arms, looking into his eyes as he held her close while Kraang droids fired from all angles. That was the day she fell for him.

And oh did she fall hard. From that day onwards Y/n was completely infatuated with Donnie and little did she know he felt the exact same.

Unfortunately, there was no subtlety granted for either of the two with their overwhelming feelings. They constantly ended up outing themselves to each other.

Like that time Y/n answered the phone after fighting off a tonne of foot soldiers to try and save April from Karai.

“Hey Donnie!”

“Y/n, you’re ok! You hear that guys? My sweet princess is alive! Did I mute that?”

Upon hearing him, Y/n dropped to the ground with heart eyes leading to April quickly grabbing the phone and responding.

“Just imagine you did.”

Or the time Donnie saved Y/n and April’s dad and she ran to hug him.

“I love you Donnie!”

“Y-you do?”

“As a friend! I love you as a friend.”

“Uh yeah totally, the friendliest.”

And then there was the time they almost kissed.

“You’re not just a mutant, Donnie. You mean more to me than anyone in the world.”

“And you mean the world to me.”

The two stared into each others eyes in a close embrace, faces no more than an inch apart. Donnie had decided to just go for it and leaned in when-

“Yo! What type of pizza do you guys want? I got extra cheesy pepperoni or sweet and sour gummy bears.”

You can imagine who that was. So, you would think that after all the catching and hugging and blushing and near kissing that the two would have some idea of how the other felt. Sadly, they both also happen to be the densest idiots in the entire universe.

————————————

The night started in the lair as Donnie grabbed his bō staff and prepared to leave. Upon seeing him walking towards the exit, Leo looked over and asked.

“Where are you going?”

“Off to see Y/n? Mwa mwa mwa!” Mikey teased, leaning over on the edge of the couch.

Donnie rolled his eyes in annoyance. “No, I’m going for an early patrol. Not everything in my life revolves around Y/n you know.”

“You say that, but then… you’re you.” Raph pointed out.

“We know you want to see her, her gorgeous hair, and sparkly eyes!” Mikey exaggerated with over the top gestures.

“I love her eyes.” Donnie sighed dreamily, giggling slightly as he leant against wall.

“See! You can admit it to us now you just gotta go and tell her.”

“Thanks for the advice Raph but I’m good; there’s this thing called social awareness though I doubt you have any of that in your system.” Donnie smirked with his brows raised, clearly trying to provoke his older brother.

Raph quickly pushed himself up off the couch and began storming towards him.

“Alright, if you’re so socially aware then read the room and tell me how long you think it’ll take for me have you de-shelled and crying on the floor?”

“Ok Raph, why don’t you go take a little breather?” Leo turned Raph around in an attempt to reason with him.

“Fine!” Raph whipped his head around and glared at Donnie. “But when you come back you better hope I’m asleep or else I swear-“

“Bye Raph.” Leo smiled after shoving Raph into another room. He stood thoughtfully for a moment before looking back at Donnie.

“Donnie, has it ever occurred to you that Y/n might feel the same way you do?”

“Ha! That’s hilarious Leo, you should be a comedian.” Donnie began cracking up at the thought.

“Hey, comedy’s my thing!” Mikey stood up and pouted with his arms crossed.

“I’m serious!” Leo took a step forward. “Just think back on every interaction you’ve ever had and tell me she doesn’t like you.”

Donnie thought about it carefully. Now that he was looking at it, it really seemed like-

“Nope! I’d rather just play it safe.” He smiled nonchalantly.

Mikey and Leo collectively facepalmed. Why oh why did their poor purple brother have to be so smart and yet so dumb.

“Well, I’ll be out. Don’t go in my lab, don’t touch my stuff and stay out of me and Y/n’s business. What did I say?” Donnie gestured to them.

“Don’t go in your lab, don’t touch your stuff and stay out of you and Y/n’s business.” The other two turtles repeated. Their voices replicated that of a fist grade classroom.

“Great, I’ll see you later!” Donnie smiled and sent them a wave before walking out.

“You gonna text her?” Mikey asked.

“She already knows.” Leo replied quickly, pressing a button on his T-Phone.

————————————

“He’s just the best isnt he April?” Y/n smiled with her head in her hands.

“Yeah, Donnie’s great I guess.” April raised her eyebrow at Y/n’s actions. She knew she was down bad but man could it be tiring.

“But don’t you just feel like he’s the most incredible, smartest, coolest, kindest guy ever!” Y/n squeaked and spun around, holding her hands to her chest.

“No not really. But that’s probably because I’m not in love with him.”

“Well I wouldn’t say I’m in love I just admire him.”

April sent her a judging look.

“Well it’s not like you’re any better with Casey.” Y/n defended.

“Uh last I checked I’m not tracking his location and pretending to go on walks as an excuse to follow him.” April placed a hand on her hip and smugly looked at Y/n.

“Leo texted me, he’s going for an early patrol. I just want to make sure that he has some backup if he gets into trouble.” She argued in a futile attempt to defend herself.

“Whatever you say. Have fun but don’t expect me to bail you out when you’re stuck on a random street with no way home.” April laughed only half joking.

“You’re the worst!” Y/n called out as she walked out the door.

“Love you too!” April yelled back.

————————————

And so Y/n began her journey through the streets of NYC. Had she been a normal person this would’ve practically been a life sentence but Y/n was confident, if she could take on giant mutants and an army of robot soldiers she could handle New York at night.

She continued checking her phone, following the little dot that represented Donnie in hopes of seeing him jumping over roofs. In all honesty, Y/n understood that there was a creepy element to this, that it could be a little unsettling to follow your friend around at night, but there was more to it than just romantic feelings.

Y/n genuinely understood the dangers the turtles faced and didn’t want to imagine what could happen to Donnie if he was caught alone in the middle of the city. What if Tigerclaw got to him, or worse, the Shredder!?

Sometimes you need to do uncomfortable things for your friends and when your friends are mutant turtles being hunted down by every criminal and scientific operation running in the city, that tends to involve protectively watching over them to ensure their safety.

While caught up in her self-assuring thoughts, Y/n noticed Donnie’s tracker seemed to be right near her. She looked around quickly and saw him briefly jump over a building. Finally, she found him. However he seemed to be doing fine so there was no need to jump into any major fights at the moment. She chose to simply follow close behind and admire him from afar.

But as she kept walking Y/n soon noticed a familiar restaurant coming into view. Murikami’s! Since she had his location and there was no imminent threat, she figured it would be fine to quickly order some food before returning to her walk so she stepped inside.

Meanwhile, on Donnie’s side of the story, he hadn’t noticed Y/n at all. It wasn’t till he took a quick rest on a rooftop and saw someone heading into Murikami’s shop that he managed to get a look at her. Wow, she was so pretty, and brave, and she likes to take walks. He’d love to go on walks with her, hand in hand, talking about stuff… He began to feel a buzzing against his body and could hear his ringtone begin to play.

Donnie quickly pulled his phone out of his belt. Mikey! What did he want now? He frantically answered the call in hopes he wouldn’t be spotted on the roof. Thankfully he wasn’t but he did miss Y/n walking out of the restaurant and making her way to the fire escape of the same building he was standing on.

“Thanks Murikami-san.” Y/n thanked before making her way towards the door.

“Anytime Y/n-chan.” He returned her smile and began packing up for the night.

As Y/n made her way outside, she decided to take a small break from all the walking and standing and decided it would be best to relax on one of the rooftops.

She carefully made her way up the fire escape, unaware of the chaotic phone call occurring above.

“Yo Dee! Do you think you can pick me up some pizza while you’re out? I’m starving.” Mikey yelled into the phone.

“Ugggh, Mikey! I’m kind of busy right now, not the best time.” Donnie shouted back.

“Ok ok, jeez. I’ll ask April to get some.”

“Thank you.” Donnie sighed and switch off his phone after Mikey hung up. Unfortunately, when he looked over at Murikami’s shop Y/n was no where to be found. He let out a frustrated groan and turned around to go look for her somewhere else when…

“Ahh!”

He and Y/n bumped into each other, literally. The second they registered the situation they both began making excuses quickly to cover up the intentions of their separate outings. They were both talking over each other though, so neither could really understand what the other was saying anyway.

“Woah! Y/n! Y-you’re here! How’s it going? I was just going for an early patrol it’s nothing, why are you out here? Wait never mind, that’s stupid you’re obviously getting food. Not that I saw you ordering it or anything, I’m just guessing by the fact you’re holding it. Sorry if I’ve ruined your night or anything, I can stay if you want or leave. Whatever makes you feel better.”

“Donnie, hi! I didn’t realise you’d be up here, I was just going for a walk and figured I’d get something from Murikami’s before he closed up. I had no idea you were on this rooftop, genuinely, I haven’t checked the trackers all night! Sorry if anything got on you I should’ve been looking more carefully at where I was walking. I’m just being stupid tonight.”

As they both quieted down Y/n held up her bag of take-out and nervously smiled. “Want to split it?”

—————————

As the streets of New York buzzed with energy, Y/n and Donnie sat side-by-side on the edge of the building they were on, the bag of food finished and discarded to the side.

“No that was so embarrassing.” Y/n cringed and his her face in her hands.

“You want to talk embarrassing, try counting the amount of times my experiments have gone wrong.”

“Ok, but experimentation is important no matter the results. Either way you’re gaining new information.” Y/n pointed out. Donnie nodded his head in agreement.

“True, very true. Perhaps I should start testing how much garbage Mikey is willing to eat.”

“Now that would be a scientific discovery.” Y/n cheered and the two burst out laughing.

Y/n calmed herself before relaxing her body and resting her head on Donnie’s shoulder. Both went into a momentary internal panic and began to tense up. However, once Y/n looked up and examined Donnie’s red face she decided to roll with it and wrapped her hands around his arm, snuggling into his side.

They stayed in peaceful silence a moment longer before Y/n eventually decided to speak.

“You want to know a secret? I wasn’t actually just going on a walk tonight.” Donnie looked at her curiously as she continued. “In all honesty, I was kind of just following you to make sure you were ok.”

Donnie looked down in shock at her. She was following him? But he was following her!

“You know what’s funny, I wasn’t going on an early patrol either. I was actually going to check that you were safe.”

Y/n laughed and lifted her head up. “I guess we’re both liars then.”

“I guess we are.” Donnie agreed, gazing at her with lovesick eyes.

They began to eat closer to each other, inching bit by bit.

“Donnie…” Y/n was about to continue but as she looked up, she saw a ninja star flying towards them. “Look out!”

She pushed him down and the two scrambled to get away from danger.

“Footbots!” Donnie called out.

“What do they want with us!?” Y/n shouted.

“What do they not want with us!?” Donnie replied.

So yeahhh that night didn’t go too well for them. Thankfully, they were able to get rid of the footbots but then Bebop and Rocksteady showed up! Tigerclaw was apparently meant to also show alongside Rahzar and Fishface but it sounded like they had caught the others on patrol. Details, details! What’s important is that now Y/n and Donnie were on a new roof in a major struggle against two mutants that were somehow beating them… badly.

Donnie and Y/n had been fighting off Bebop and Rocksteady for some time now. They were doing well until Bebop managed to land a punch on Donnie, causing him to drop his staff and stumble back slightly. Rocksteady quickly grabbed Donnie from behind and began to squeez him tightly.

“Agh!” Donnie cried out in pain. Y/n stopped fighting Bebop for a moment and noticed his situation. She started running over to him but was pulled back by Bebop and was forced to watch instead.

“Why are you turtles so hard to break eh?” Rocksteady asked as he kept tightening his grip.

“Donnie! Hold on, I’ll get you out!” Y/n shouted but her words meant nothing as she was unable to move. Then she heard it, a crack and a scream. Her eyes watered and she broke down into tears.

“Please stop it, just let him go and leave.” Bebop loosened his grip slightly and frowned, almost feeling sympathy for her.

“Tell your bosses what you want just let him go.” Y/n begged, now on her knees. Rocksteady began to copy Bebop and started second guessing himself. They had done some horrible things but could they really kill this guy in front of his friend?

Donnie noticed Rocksteady’s looser grip and used the last of his strength to kick him away. “Hiya!”

Y/n copied his actions and picked Donnie’s bō staff off the ground which he grabbed as he took a defensive position next to her. They were prepared to fight a little more till they noticed the two villains were both in tears.

“We’ll leave you guys alone, ok? We’re sorry!” Bebop cried.

“Uh what?” Y/n raised her eyebrow and moved to stand normally.

“Man, why y’all gotta be so emotional? Like damn!”

“We shall take our leave but do not expect this in the future.” Rocksteady pointed towards them as he began stepping back, ready to leave.

“Y-yeah you better not expect it, cause we’re not normally this nice… losers.” As Bebop finished, they both ran away presumably back Shredder’s lair.

“Well that was odd.” Y/n commented.

“Yea-argh!” Donnie held a hand over his shell in pain.

“Oh no, Donnie!” Y/n turned to him.

“I’m fine.” Donnie stuck his hand up and attempted to stand properly but quickly fell out of balance. Y/n ran to catch him and pulled him forwards before he landed on the pavement. She began to feel his shell and noticed a crack. “We’ll get you patched up at the lair, ok?”

“Yeah.” Donnie responded. The two stood there, holding each other for a brief moment to allow their heart rates to go down a bit.

“I can’t believe you almost died.” Y/n breathed out.

“Just part of the routine at this point.” Donnie shrugged it off but Y/n pulled him closer.

“No, no but this time you really could’ve died. Like actually died right in front of me.”

“Yeah but-“

“And it wasn’t like the other times.” Y/n turned to face him with a stern look. “I know when you guys are able to get out of tough situations, I’ve seen it a million times, but this was different.”

“Y/n-” he attempted to look away but she grabbed his head and forced him to meet her eye-to-eye.

“I care about you Donnie and that was scary. Like really scary.”

Donnie frowned and lowered Y/n’s right wrist with his left hand. She smiled, tearfully.

“I need you, you mean more to me than anyone in the world.” Donnie returned her expression.

“And you mean the world to me.” The two then finally, finally, leaned in and kissed. They still had a lot more to deal with but for now, they were happy.

I hope you enjoyed reading! Thank you so much for the request (I loved it) and please, have an incredible day/night wherever it is you reside!✨

[desertfangs]

I’ve been thinking about Armand/Daniel a lot lately (as one does) and yes the whole thing is incredible but for some reason I can’t get this line out of my head: “In the midst of life they plunged”, and how perfectly it encapsulates their entire relationship. Like the IMPLICATIONS of it. Armand hadn’t actually had a life, perhaps only a semblance of it, in over 300 years, and this mortal boy gave it to him and offered him a shot at an actual existence. Full of experiences, adventures, discoveries, opportunities, romance, fighting, crying, LIVING. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Daniel giving Armand the opportunity to have a life and to reclaim his youth will never not make me feral ❤️‍🩹

Anon! It's like you're inside my head, because I, too, think about them all the time. That line though is really awesome and it does encapsulate their relationship so well. You're so right about this and you should say it.

Like, if you think about it, it's exactly true that Armand hasn't had much of a life for a long time. He spent decades with Louis, living in a shared misery. And while I fully believe they had tender moments during that period, I think it was few and far between. Armand wanted Louis to be his guide to the modern era, but Louis was too lost in his grief and pain and numbness to be that for him. When that finally ends, he spends the next decades watching over a sleeping Lestat, keeping the city free of "vermin" to protect him like a guardian who wasn't asked for.

And basically seems to be his life when Daniel crashes into Lestat's house and starts playing those tapes. He's just chilling in New Orleans, watching over the dirt where Lestat is buried, as life moves around him.

The Chase gives Armand something else to do, to focus on. He follows this young reporter boy around tormenting him and teasing him and in the process, he starts to delve into the modern era, learning about things Daniel does and places he goes and even his means of travel - accosting him on a train, in a taxi. He bails him out of jail. He orders dinner for him at a restaurant in the most unhinged way possible, but it's also the sort of thing you might do if you just want to push some of the limits around you.

And then they come together as a couple, finally, and then into the very midst of life they plunge! Armand finally has someone who will do all the things with him: parties, shows, concerts, museums, travel. Daniel has been patiently (and not so patiently) teaching him about the modern world for years already, so now they really dive in. And as you point out, they also plunge head first into a relationship, living together, existing together as a couple and figuring out what that means, and everything that entails, good and bad.

It really is Armand getting a second chance at his youth and his first opportunity in centuries to just be a guy and experience the world on the arm of this beautiful, curious, sardonic boy who loves him for what he is and who he is and is passionate and gentle, even as he can be defiant and argumentative.

It makes me feral, too. Like it's just so good. Daniel gives him the world and the love he deserves, and in the end, Armand gives him forever. And I just... love them so, so much. 😭😭💖

Thank you so much for this ask!

[dootznbootz]

I went on tiktok to just watch some silly Odysseus videos but then I mostly saw people going like "Yeah, maybe Odysseus cried on Calypso' island every day but honestly he had that coming after what he did Achilles and Patroclous/Circe!!!" and "Everything that happens in Odyssey is deserved cuz he took Patrochilles to war!!!" and "I feel so bad for Circe and Calypso and Penelope, they deserved better!!!"

For fucks sake I beg you, read anything different from Millers bs and like educate yourself- And please stop goddamn saying that rape victim. deserved it.

Circe probably didn't give a flying fuck, Calypso is a rapist and abuser and Penelope deserved everything she wanted and SHE WANTED ODYSSEUS

I think I've had enough internet for today, imma go wash my eyes with bleach. Anyways sorry for ranting here, i hope you don't mind it lmao

It's alright. I absolutely understand the vents about the whole thing. :'D No one deserves to be a victim of such a thing no matter WHAT they've done. I hope your eyes are okay after the bleach

Like Odysseus does so many fucked up things but Calypso and Circe? He is the victim. Period. It's very clear that Odysseus is in extreme distress on Ogygia. And Circe wasn't some sort of FwB situation. There's fear and numbness in the language he uses when talking about it. There's so much victim blaming and it SUCKS.

Even then, Odysseus' journey was kind of about "temptation" or just straight up "Die or get out of my sea." From Poseidon. "I don't want you in my waters so I'm gonna try and give you things that will keep you on land or just kill you."

Immortal goddesses wanting you would be many people's dream come true but not for Odysseus. And I think that's the point. His determination, how he clawed his way back into the arms he never wanted to leave in the first place, is incredible. Many people would've given up and just started a new life but he never would because no life he could ever create would compare to the life he had before. Even if it's different, it's what he's always wanted.

He literally tells Calypso "I'm not stopping until I'm home. I don't care if I suffer more until I do. I'm going home."

“Mighty goddess, do not be angry with me over this. I myself know very well Penelope, although intelligent, is not your match                                          to look at, not in stature or in beauty. But she’s a human being and you’re a god. You’ll never die or age. But still I wish, every moment to get back to my home,                                                       to see the day of my return. And so, even if out there on the wine-dark sea some god breaks me apart, I will go on— the heart here in my chest is quite prepared to bear affliction. I’ve already had so many troubles, and I’ve worked so hard                                  through waves and warfare. Let what’s yet to come be added in with those.”

(Book 5, Johnston)

Circe's a goddess and what happened is nothing like Dionysus and Ariadne and Apollo and Hyacinthus for example. Circe never gave Odysseus a crown of stars and he would never go out of his way to kill 120 people for bothering her. They did not love each other and he can't refuse as she's a goddess.

If you interpret them sleeping together the entire year,(It's only explicitly said that they had sex once so that's what I go with personally.) that doesn't mean he was happy with it! Even then, the whole situation is not what a healthy FwB should look like! I'm asexual and even I know that no one in a FwB situation should have to BEG in any way that basically says "Please let me go or kill me" with supplication!!! The fact that he leaves so quickly he forgets one of his men? The fact that during Elpenor's funeral, he doesn't greet Circe himself? He was avoiding her. Wouldn't he want to get "one last night together" during Book 12 if they were fwb? 🙄

It's bonkers to me that people hate him for being a "cheater" when A.) having multiple lovers wasn't uncommon in Ancient Greece, and B.) the two people he is explicitly said to have "cheated" with, weren't his choice. He wasn't actively searching for pretty women either!!!

As mentioned, while it was common for men to have many lovers, Odysseus never had any listed unlike some of the other men. (not bashing any of them. I'm just making a point in comparison.) He also has no other children besides Telemachus in Homer's works. There's no evidence of him having other lovers other than speculation. (funny enough, I once read somewhere that the reason why Odysseus is so mean is because he doesn't "bond" enough with the other soldiers. 😂)

Does that mean he didn't have other lovers? Technically, Nope! It's just never explicitly stated either way. He has slaves but none were ever said to be concubines or that he sleeps with them. He has deep bonds with his fellow soldiers but that doesn't mean he sleeps with them. That doesn't mean people can't write or talk about him doing so even though it's not mentioned! Just like it also means that someone can write him not doing so as there's nothing that says it either way in Homer's Works! :D

It's fucked up when people say "He didn't try to leave Calypso enough" or something of the like. It just tells you how A.) they didn't read the Odyssey or have piss on the poor reading comprehension or B.) ...you should probably stay away from that person...

With Circe though??? I can understand the confusion but digging deeper and looking at the text, he wasn't having a good time. Or at the very least was walking on Eggshells the whole time. I hate bringing up that essay over and over again but like...I literally wrote everything there.

I also don't like how people take Circe's morally gray-ness away from her. Let her do something fucked up to be fucked up!!! Let her traumatize Odysseus!

Idk, I kind of hate that I'm "known" for this but I relate to this idiot asshole a lot and it means a lot to me that his story, despite what happens to him, has a happy ending :'D

[wellgoslowly]

Lockwood and Co. How do I begin to talk about this insane universe that has literally changed my life in so many ways in such a small amount of time?

I think it was probably January 27th that I actually got the notification for the trailer for the show from Netflix’s Youtube. I don’t know exactly what it was that made me interested in the trailer in the first place and set it apart from the hundreds of trailers that netflix has posted that I’ve ignored, but there was just something about it that made me think “oh, this looks interesting, let me take a look at the trailer.” Thank god I did.

If I were to go back in time to that version of linnie and tell them that their life was about to be changed, I think they would’ve laughed. At that period of time I’d had a 2 year long hyperfixation on the grishaverse and I couldn’t think of anything that would’ve possibly broken me out of that long ass period of chaos. And then I watched Lockwood and Co and I immediately fell in love with an entirely new world.

Lockwood and co means so much to me for so many reasons. One of them is that I’ve never seen myself more reflected in a character than I see myself in Lucy Carlyle- hence the name Linnie. I didn’t even realize it until Aaron ( @queer-and-nerdy ) pointed it out (after I pointed out how much of a George kinnie they are) and then everything made sense in a way? Like Lucy Carlyle is the truest form of a comfort character for me because we are basically the same person and I never realized how special a character could be until I met Lucy Joan Carlyle.

Another reason why I love this universe so much is because I love found family, and I love the found family that Jonathan Stroud has written. The Iron Trio will always be so special to me because of how often it is shown and how deeply it is known that they love each other unconditionally, Even George and Lucy, who have their differences when they first meet, grow to love each other in their own way and I genuinely believe that the family found within the Iron Trio is one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve ever read or seen portrayed on screen.

I also just truly love the worldbuilding. The world that Jonathan Stroud has created has such an amazing homely feel to it that I will never tire of. I love literally everything about it- the lore, the execution, the way that he was able to make ghosts even more terrifying for such a young audience.

Lastly, I love the fandom. I’ve talked a little bit about how much a kind and welcoming fan space like the l&co tumblr means to me and how I have had rocky situations in a fandom in the past, but I truly cannot even begin to talk about how much this online space has truly changed me in so many ways. I feel like I can have open, honest, and constructive opinions on here without being scared to speak my mind or fear the repercussions of not being 100% happy all the time. This fandom is the most accepting and loving fandom I have ever known, and I’d like to tag a few of the people who have made this place so loving and enjoyable to partake in. Shout out to @ikeasupremacy @oblivious-idiot @losticaruss @youmanynotrestnow @neewtmas @thisgameissonintendo @readyafterthesunrise @waitingforthesunrise @yveni @uku-lelevillain @impossibleclair @donutcats @jesslockwood @kazbrekkerfast @krash-and-co @carlyleandco @biscuitrule @maraschinomerry @lockwood-lover @lvockwoods @givemea-dam-break @someonetooksendnoodles @nomolosk @thedonutdeliverygirl @neverendinglabyrinth @tangledinlove - I defo missed a lot of people but these are just the few that I could remember right off the top of my head <33

All in all, I love this show and these books and this world more than I could ever possibly express. Happy 10th Birthday to The Screaming Staircase, and a very Happy Lockwood & Co Day to all whom I have the honor of celebrating with. I love you all very dearly, and remember: “just reckless enough”.

xoxo,

linnie <3

[youcouldmakealife]

Stuff That Helps Me Write: Procrastination Busting (Intro)

My entire writing process, I've learned, boils down to trickery.

I'm the queen of procrastination (I think that royal title automatically comes with your ADHD diagnosis). That applies to literally everything: I will procrastinate eating. Sleeping. Hydrating. Bathroom breaks. Working. Not working. Doing shit I am actively looking forward to. I have a graveyard of games I never finished because I got too close to the end and my brain went ‘I’m enjoying this too much to finish, So I guess I’ll just never play it again’.

So obviously writing’s no exception to my ability to postpone doing anything and everything, but for some reason, it’s impacted less than everything else. So why?

Because it’s my job, but that goes for literally every other part of my job too, and I can procrastinate just fine on those parts. Just look at how long publication takes me.

Because I frequently hyperfocus on it, but in order to get into that state of mind I still have to start, and that’s the part that procrastination impacts the most.

Because I enjoy writing, but as I’ve just said, enjoyment has no bearing on whether I’ll do it. Ditto the fact I find it meaningful, and satisfying, and am invested in where it’s going. None of that makes something immune to procrastination. In fact, as those poor video games show, sometimes that makes me more likely to procrastinate.

So why don’t I generally procrastinate writing?

The fact that it's my job, and I enjoy it, and find it adds meaning to my life, all have in no way made me less likely to procrastinate, but they have meant that for 20+ years, I have been methodically figuring out workarounds for said procrastination. Things will work for a little while, until procrastination inevitably pops right back up with a new excuse, and then I have to figure out a workaround for that one. It’s been a very extended game of whack-a-mole, but I now have an entire toolbox to work with, and writing is now the most consistent thing in my life, only second to reading, which I basically do daily, and don’t consider a ‘habit’ to work on any more than most would consider watching TV or playing video games every day a ‘habit’ to work on.

Now, when I say consistency, I don’t mean I write on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays at 5:30 am with a lit candle and a fragrant mug of tea like I have been told to do (writing guides all seem to require writing before dawn, which is something I only ever do accidentally, wrapping up a ‘whoops, got an idea in the middle of the night’ session).

I have found some things help with that sort of consistency (and that may be another post), but I'm not that kind of consistent. Every week looks different. Every day looks different. But on average I write between 200k and 300k a year, at a rate of between 1000-1500 words a working day. My schedule may vary — I might write five days one week, three days another, might write double one week to the next, might write 12,000 or 30,000 in a month. But when I zoom out, I'm consistent as fuck on a long-term basis (with the caveat that shit can happen, such as family emergencies or ol' bastard eye acting up again)

So uh, how?

All the common wisdom is has been distinctly unhelpful, in my experience. Treats don’t work on me, as I am aware I can just…not do the thing and have the treat anyway. Rewards don’t work on me, because ‘thing in nebulous future’ doesn’t have much to do with me now, does it? Holding myself hostage (‘no dinner/break/bathroom break until you write’) does not work, and should not be done, because those things aren’t rewards, they’re basic bodily functions (…apparently).

This is, I’ve learned, literally due to my wiring. Neurotypical people have an importance based nervous system. Motivating factors for tasks are the task's importance to them (duh) or someone they care about, the rewards associated with completion of the task (offer yourself a treat! Reward yourself at the end!), and the consequences associated with not completing the task.

None of that works on me. Like. At all.

It was only in recent years I learned about the interest based nervous system, and how it’s motivated by completely different things. Things that work to motivate me involve novelty, challenge (some will use competition interchangeably here, but I am not a particularly competitive person), urgency, and, well, interest.

And in hindsight, every single trick that’s ever worked for has touched on at least one of those categories.

I’m going to stop here, because I am literally procrastinating on writing Robbie by writing this, and the irony is too much for me right now, but I think that a larger than average portion of my readership may also be helped by tricks that specifically target novelty, challenge, urgency, and interest.

So, next week — an actual bullet pointed list of shit that tricks my brain into doing the thing. Some are more targeted to writing, some can be applied to plenty of things, but all of them have, at one time or another, made me Do the Thing, which, as the queen of procrastination, is a damn triumph.

[baoshan-sanren]

best cdramas I’ve watched since the last one of these posts in 2023 (and some I’m still looking forward to seeing)

A League of Nobleman (watch on WeTV VIP | watch on AppleTV | watch on Viki | watch on bilibili | watch on YouTube) Adapted from the novel "The Mystery of Zhang Guo" (张公案) by Da Feng Gua Guo (大风刮过) starring Jing BoRan, Song WeiLong, Hong Yao, Guo Cheng and Wang Duo. Definitely gay, but in like a very focused, we-have-a-mystery-to-solve way. Loved the acting and the plot; cannot believe people actually gave Song Weilong shit for his acting in this drama. He was aMAzing. The downside is that the editing grew progressively sloppier as the drama progressed, and although majority of the visuals were very satisfying, I never realized how crappy the quality of the light was until I tried gifing some of the scenes. The upside is Jing BoRan holding kittens. Enough Said. 7/10

The Blood of Youth (watch on Viki | watch on YouTube) Adapted from the novel "Shao Nian Ge Xing" (少年歌行) by Zhou Mu Nan (周木楠) starring Li HongYi, Liu XueYi and Ao RuiPeng. Love this goddamn drama. I adopted the entire cast within the first 3 episodes and then I spent the next 37 terrified that half of them would get killed off. There’s def some major character death in this drama my chickens, so keep that in mind (and not a canonical death either, from what I understand). Anyway, this is my fave genre by far so I’m never really picky, but this drama is exhilarating and gorgeous from beginning to end. Highly recommend. 9/10

New Life Begins (watch on iQIYI | watch on Viki | watch on YouTube) Adapted from the web novel "Qing Chuan Ri Chang" (清穿日常) by Duo Mu Mu Duo (多木木多) starring Bai JingTing and Tian XiWei. Just sweet and fluffy. The plot is easy and devoid of complexities, but very satisfying nonetheless. The acting is definitely on another level. The entire cast has bonkers chemistry, and it’s about time someone made good use of Bai Jingting’s comedy potential. One of the top 5 easy viewing dramas on my rewatch list.  8/10

The Legendary Life of Queen Lau (watch on Viki | watch on YouTube) Adapted from the web novel "Huang Hou Liu Hei Pang" (皇后刘黑胖) by Ge Yang (戈鞅) starring Li JiaQi and Li HongYi. Loved this. Although it doesn’t shy away from difficult subjects, this is basically a comedy from beginning to end. Not gonna lie, I mainly gave this a go for Li Hongyi, but it’s hard to even notice him when Li Jiaqi is in the room. There’s no shame in being overshadowed by superior talent :) 7/10

(yeah, after all this, I rewatched Nirvana In Fire again)

Under the Microscope (watch on Apple TV | watch on Bilibili | watch on iQIYI VIP | watch on Viki) Adapted from the novel "Xian Wei Jing Xia De Da Ming" (显微镜下的大明) by Ma Bo Yong (马伯庸) starring Zhang RuoYun and Wang Yang. Continuously impressed by Zhang RuoYun’s skills. This drama is 90% grit and tension. Drool-worthy visuals. Interesting plot. Sound mixing that gives me a Mo Ran style boner. Make your friends watch it and they will hate you. 9/10

Till The End of The Moon (watch on YouTube | watch on Apple TV | watch on Viki) Adapted from the web novel "Hei Yue Guang Na Wen BE Ju Ben" (黑月光拿稳BE剧本) by Teng Luo Wei Zhi (藤萝为枝). Starring Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu. This was so breathtakingly gorgeous. The chemistry between the actors, the visuals, the special effects, the costumes, everything is stunning in this drama. The romance is by no means original, but still manages to draw you in. Absolutely worth watching at least once. 8/10

Still waiting on:

Immortality - based on danmei novel The Husky and His White Cat Shizun by 肉包不吃肉 starring Chen Feiyu and Luo Yunxi (you can think I’m a clown but you’d be wrong bc I’m a wholeass circus)

Winner Is King - based on the danmei novel Sha Po Lang by Priest starring Tan Jianci and Chen Zheyuan

Step By Step Lotus - based on historical novel Return to Ming Dynasty as Prince by 月关 starring Zhang Binbin and Luo Yunxi

Eternal Faith - based on danmei novel Heaven Official’s Blessing by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu starring Zhai Xiaowen and Zhang Linghe

Joy Of Life Season 2 - based on wuxia novel of the same name by 猫腻 starring Zhang Ruoyun and Li Qin

Story of Kunning Palace - based on the novel 坤宁 by 时镜 starring Bai Lu and Zhang LingHe

Flying Phoenix - based on danmei novel of the same name by 風弄 starring Dai Jingyao and Shu Yaxin

The Story of the Bat - based on danmei novel Bat by Feng Nong starring Mao Zijun and Zhang Yao

The Longest Promise - based on xianxia novel Zhu Yan by 沧月 starring Xiao Zhan, Ren Min, and Zhang Yunlong

Mysterious Lotus Casebook - based on wuxia novel 吉祥纹莲花楼 by Teng Ping 藤萍 starring Cheng Yi and Zeng ShunXi

Follow Your Heart - historical drama starring Song Yi and Luo Yunxi 

The Thirteen-Hongs in Canton - historical drama starring Zhu Yawen and Yu Haoming

White Cat Legend - based on manhua of the same name starring Ding Yuxi and Zhou Qi

[frozenmikan]

Liella! Let’s be ONE Interview - Date Sayuri, Suzuhara Nozomi, and Yuina talk about what they love most about the anime’s third season!

As Love Live! Superstar!!’s third season approaches its climax, we interview Date Sayuri (voice of Shibuya Kanon), Suzuhara Nozomi (voice of Sakurakoji Kinako), and Yuina (voice of Wien Margarete) from the school idol group Liella! to learn more about their thoughts on the anime!

First up, tell us more about what you think of each other. What do the others mean to you, both from the perspective of the characters you’re voicing, as well as yourself? Let’s start with Yuina-san, the voice of Margarete.

Yuina (voice of Wien Margarete): I think Sayu (Date Sayuri) is basically (Shibuya) Kanon in the flesh. Kanon-chan has a unique aura about her no matter what she’s doing, and that’s the same for Sayu. It’s especially obvious when she’s performing on stage!

Suzuhara Nozomi (voice of Sakurakoji Kinako): Totally agree.

Yuina: She’s always smiling! No matter what she’s doing, and even when she’s not facing the audience, she always has a smile on her face. She puts her all into every movement she makes, and you can really tell how hard she’s trying to reach everyone in the audience with her singing. Like Margarete-chan, I’m not very good at conveying my thoughts, so just watching Sayu taught me everything I needed to know about that. There’s a sense of weight behind her each and every word, which makes what she says feel really impactful. And that’s not even mentioning the sheer passion behind her singing. I’ve said this over and over again, but her voice resonates really well. Her singing really does convey the full force of the emotions behind her voice. Listening to her sing has taught me a lot, and has made me want to do better myself countless times. As for “NonKina”—

Date Sayuri (voice of Shibuya Kanon): “NonKina”?

Suzuhara: Never heard that one before (laughs)…

Yuina: Yeah, that’s ‘cause it’s the first time I’ve ever called you that (laughs). Non (Suzuhara Nozomi) and (Sakurakoji) Kinako are also basically the same person. They’re so similar that I mix the two of them up sometimes. I’m sure that’s because Non always has Kinako-chan at the back of her mind. She’s constantly thinking about things like “What would Kinako-chan do in this situation?” or “Kinako-chan would definitely do this during times like these, so that’s what I’ll do.” I feel like she’s been dedicating her entire life to Kinako-chan.

Date: I guess “NonKina” was spot on, then!

Yuina: Yeah, it’s precisely because of how much she loves Love Live! Superstar!! that I think Non is the only person in the world who can voice Kinako-chan. Oh, I didn’t know about this when I first met her because I’m not part of the second-gen, but I heard that Non wasn’t too comfortable with talking to others… But I really couldn’t tell! She even sent me a message on LINE to say that she hopes to get along, so I really couldn’t believe that she wasn’t good at holding conversations when she first joined. After I joined Liella!, she even said things like “If there’s any part of the choreography that you’re unsure of, you can always ask me!” or “Let me know if you’re not sure of anything, and I’ll try my best to teach you!”

Sounds like she’s the perfect senior.

Suzuhara: Did I say that? Both our third-gen members are so dependable, so I don’t remember thinking too much about how I needed to act like a senior… 

Yuina: You definitely did! Being able to say things like that without thinking about it is another thing that makes you so similar to Kinako-chan! If what the other second-gen members said was true, that you weren’t very good at striking up conversations when you first joined, it just makes me feel even more sure of the fact that you’ve grown so much after joining Liella!. Even if you don’t think you’ve done anything significant, having the determination to change a part of yourself, and having the courage to step out of your comfort zone, has definitely given me courage as well. Seeing you gives me the motivation to work even harder to grow, and that’s why I think both of you are really reliable seniors!

Suzuhara: You never really talk about things like these, so that’s pretty nice to hear! So that’s what you thought about me… I’m so happy to hear that!

What about you, Suzuhara-san? What do you think about the other two?

Suzuhara: First up, Yuina is just such a good girl… Of course that goes for everyone else in Liella! too, but my first impression of her was that she’s really beautiful, so I thought she’d be more on the cool side. But she’s always so expressive, not to mention all the gestures she makes! The more I talk to her, the more I realize just how wonderful she is. Also, at first glance, you may think that Margarete-chan and Yuina don’t really have much in common, but they’re actually quite similar. In particular, they both share a passion for singing, not to mention how important music is to them. Oh, their cute sides too!

Yuina: Yay!

Suzuhara: Ahahaha. That’s the thing I like most about you. This goes for both Yuina and Sayu, but the more I get to know them, the more I love them. Sayu is the same age as me, so I’ve wanted to be good friends with her ever since we first met. I’ve been watching Sayu since Liella! was just the first-gen members, and I’ve liked her ever since, but what she means to me… I feel like I’ve thought about her so much that I’m not sure anymore!

Yuina: Is that a confession?!

Date: Ahahahahaha. That’s kinda overbearing… But thank you! (laughs)

Suzuhara: Yuina mentioned this just now as well, but the way she puts her thoughts into words makes what she says really impactful. And it’s not just her words, but her singing and performance on stage as well. Even though we’re about the same height, the sheer presence her dancing gives off is leaps and bounds ahead of everyone else, and that’s something I find really impressive. I find myself constantly observing her just to find out how she manages to pull that off. How cool she looks when she’s performing, that’s gotta be the biggest thing for me. That’s what I love the most.

Date: I’m so happy to hear that… I think my palms are starting to sweat.

Suzuhara: (Laughs). Oh, Kanon-chan is also really important to Kinako-chan. I already felt that during the anime’s second season, but when Kanon-chan was part of TomaKanoTe at the start of season three, Kinako-chan cried… Even after that episode, I felt like there were always moments where she was thinking about Kanon-chan. After all, Kanon-chan was the first senior she met after arriving in Tokyo, and she’s always been so kind to her, so Kanon-senpai definitely occupies a very important place in her heart. Of course she wants to catch up to her one day, but Kanon-chan is still a senior that she loves a lot. That’s pretty similar to what I think of Sayu.

What about you, Date-san?

Date: Yuina and Margarete used to be in the rival position before eventually joining Liella!, and I’ve watched their performances during rehearsals even before they joined. The first time I saw them rehearsing, I was really surprised. I really love the song Edelstein, and at the start of that song, she’s standing by while facing away from the audience, with her arms outstretched. Because we’re usually watching from behind during rehearsals, I could see her facial expressions clearly. The degree to which her facial expressions changed before the song started really shocked me. But when it was time for us to take a break, she became her usual beautiful self with her usual charm, and that perfect combination is what made all of us fall further in love with her with every passing day…

Yuina: Ahahahaha.

Date: The gap between her two sides really impressed me. Since she’s supposed to be a rival, she doesn’t exactly give off the best first impression, and you’d naturally treat her like the enemy, right? I’m sure there were quite a few people who misunderstood Margarete-chan, but Yuina’s performance caused a wave of silence to wash over the audience right from the start… Without rejecting what everyone thinks of her, her presence on stage was so powerful that it managed to silence everyone watching, which I thought was really cool. It is precisely because we got to see that that I’m really glad we get to see Yuina voicing a smiling Margarete-chan after she joined Liella!.

Suzuhara: Yuina’s always smiling, isn’t she?

Date: Yeah, like during our first release event with all eleven of us, she was always smiling no matter how busy our schedules got. Having someone who’s always smiling in the group really does create a warm and comforting atmosphere. Even though it must’ve been hard keeping up as a third-gen member, she still managed to constantly have a smile on her face, and that’s one thing I’m really grateful for. As for Nonchan…

Suzuhara-san appears to be staring very intently at Date-san.

Date: Ahahaha. She’s just so kind, so much so that the word “kind” doesn’t even begin to describe how kind she is. I think she’s very attuned to the pain others around her are feeling. Even though she tends to overthink things, and I’m sure there have been times when that has hurt her unnecessarily, she still has an indomitable spirit within her. As we’ve been performing as a group, there have definitely been some emotions that only Nonchan felt. It’s precisely that kindness that has saved me and helped me countless times. I have this baseless feeling that we’re somewhat similar, so every conversation I have with her lifts a weight off my chest. It’s because she’s so delicate that she always gives off a feeling of warmth, and that drives every part of her performance on stage and every single word she says as Kinako-chan. I love that about her from the bottom of my heart.

Yuina: Guess the feeling’s mutual, then!

Suzuhara: (laughs)

Yuina: You’re so happy that you can’t find the words to describe it?

Suzuhara: Yeah… I feel like I’m about to cry.

Date: Same here. It’s been a while since I last felt this way.

(Laughs). After all that, we finally got to see a performance by all eleven members of Liella! in episode nine. Was there anything you paid particular attention to when performing Let’s be ONE, which is also the opening theme of the anime?

Suzuhara: I really want to know what Margarete-chan thinks about this!

Yuina: It’s gonna be a long one (laughs). This is actually something I really like about her, but I think this episode really showcased Margarete-chan’s toughness and sharpness. She’s always true to herself and what she really thinks, so she never compromises on her beliefs, nor will she ever run away from a problem. She comes into conflict with others around her precisely because she faces every challenge head-on, or at least that’s what I think. But the other ten members of Liella! are just so kind that they’d never abandon her, no matter what Margarete-chan said. In particular, when Kanon-chan reached out to her saying that she understood how she felt, I wondered, “Does a high-schooler like that really exist?!” That’s just how kind Kanon-chan was, and I’m really glad she managed to meet such a wonderful group of people. But before the actual performance, she clashed with Kinako-chan and (Onitsuka) Natsumi-chan…

The scene where she said they weren’t up to scratch.

Yuina: Yeah. This is a really small thing, but Margarete-chan said “I think it’s better if I’m not the one deciding”. If this was season two of the anime, she’d definitely say something like “This is what I think”, or “That’s a complete no-go”. She wasn’t the type to mince words no matter what. However, after meeting Liella! and spending time with the others… I’m sure hearing what Kanon-chan said to (Tang) Keke-chan and watching the relationship between the Onitsuka sisters from the sidelines changed something within her. Saying, “I think it’s better if I’m not the one deciding” after going through all that is definitely a pivotal moment, or at the very least it’s an instant where you can tell that she’s really grown. But, it’s because she’s now a member of Liella! that she had the resolve to face the problem head-on and say what she needed to say, no matter how difficult it was for her. The atmosphere on the rooftop shifted right after she said those words, but seeing how Kinako-chan and Natsumi-chan reacted to what she said almost drove me to tears more than once. I’m sure there’s not a single person in the world who wouldn’t be hurt after hearing words like those from a junior, and even though there’s no way that they didn’t feel hurt by that, they suppressed those feelings and proactively asked Margarete-chan to teach them. That definitely isn’t something a normal person would be able to do, and I’m sure Margarete-chan decided to help them because she was so moved by their actions. I believe that at least some part of Margarete-chan wanted to be relied on, and hearing their request definitely made her happy. At first glance, that scene seemed to imply a crack forming between members of the group, and I’m sure some viewers thought that it was a pity that this had to happen even though the group just got together, but I personally think that this clash turned out to be a good thing for everyone, because that moment is what made the Let’s be ONE performance possible. It made me realize that compromising and treating everyone with kindness just because everyone’s a member of the same group, and trying to tie everything up with a neat little bow aren’t the only things holding a group together. It’s because they truly want to win, because they want to deal with any issues they face head-on, that they can state their honest opinions with each other. I feel like what Margarete-chan did required a lot of courage, and this episode surely marks a turning point for Liella!. Performing Let’s be ONE, a song about coming together right after that is really meaningful. It’s precisely this clash that bound the group so tightly together that they’ll never ever come apart, and I’m sure the song is also very important to Margarete-chan.

Suzuhara: I’m sure every single Liella! member knew just how much courage it took for them to say something like that. Also, don’t Kinako-chan and Margarete-chan go pretty well together? At least that’s what I think. This may come as a surprise, but Kinako-chan doesn’t stay down in the dumps for long. She always seems to recover pretty quickly, and perhaps that’s also because there wasn’t really anyone who would say anything too mean to her. Most people would start questioning themselves, with doubts like “What if she starts to hate me?” or “Maybe she wouldn’t take that too well…” taking over before they managed to put those thoughts into words, right? I’m sure Kinako-chan felt really happy that someone cared so much about her to overcome all that and put those thoughts into words, and I think that’s why she decided to take Margarete-chan’s words head-on. Liella! definitely managed to grow even more because of Margarete-chan’s actions, and this episode is also very important to me on a personal level. It was just something that they had to go through.

Date: This episode reminded me that they’re all still in high school, in both a good and a bad way. Once you grow older, you stop being able to blurt out everything that’s on your mind, and even if you do decide to do so, you’d try to soften the blow by holding back a little. But as a high-schooler, that way of thinking hasn’t really sunk in yet, so you could consider their ability to just say things straight as one of their strengths. Episode nine, Let’s be ONE, taught me that clashes like these can push everyone involved to even greater heights. Once you grow older, you tend to start avoiding conflict, but perhaps, just sometimes, speaking your mind might actually lead to a better outcome… Doing so might be intimidating, but perhaps taking that path could eventually lead to everyone shining brighter and having more genuine smiles on their faces. That’s what the girls taught me, and I’m glad I got to see them acting like the school idols they are.

The opening theme starts with the three of you, so I’m sure everyone watching will develop a new perspective of the song after watching episode nine. Aside from Let’s be ONE, could you also tell us about a song from the anime’s third season that you’re particularly fond of?

Yuina: There are so many, so I can’t really decide on just one… But coming from Margarete’s perspective, it’s gotta be Bubble Rise. I will never forget what she said after performing the song: “It’s been so long since I last had fun singing”. That phrase probably led to a huge change within her, and it’s this song that gave her the opportunity to feel that way. That’s why I really like this song, and it’s also very precious to me. I’ll definitely continue to perform with Margarete-chan’s feelings at the forefront of my mind from now on.

Suzuhara: For me, it’d be Fighting Call, the extra song on the episode three version of the CD. After Natsumi-chan talked to (Onitsuka) Tomari-chan about the past, the other second-year members showed Natsumi-chan her old notebook containing all her dreams. They performed for Tomari-chan after that, but we don’t actually know what song they performed. Personally, I think it was Fighting Call. There’s a line in the song that goes “As the rain lets up, a beam of sunlight shines through”, and the second-years seemed to be wearing a costume that was inspired by that very theme. The song would probably have resonated a lot with the second-years, including Natsumi-chan, so this does seem to be a song that they would’ve performed for Tomari-chan. Just thinking about that makes me emotional.

Date: This is also a song that didn’t actually appear in the anime, but I’d go with Itsumo no Peace Sign (Our Usual Peace Sign). A peace sign, it’s gotta be that, right? That was the only thing on my mind during the recording…

Could you be referring to the ending of the second episode of season two, with the six of them at Yoyogi Park?

Date: I’d prefer to leave this up to everyone’s interpretations, but… (laughs). Though if we’re coming from Kanon-chan’s perspective, I get the feeling that she performed this song with Liella!... or rather, Chii-chan (Arashi Chisato) at the forefront of her mind. That’s why I remember Chii-chan being in my head the entire time during the recording. Kanon was supposed to go abroad to study in Vienna at the end of season two, and even though that got postponed and she didn’t actually end up going, what if she actually did…? Could this song be describing what Kanon and Chii-chan would’ve felt before Kanon came back to Yuigaoka? Or at least that’s my interpretation of it.

There’s even a line that goes “Think of me if you ever feel down”.

Date: Yeah, that! The anime’s songs up until now give off an image of everyone being together, like Let’s be ONE, with all eleven members becoming one and holding hands, but in this song, they’re letting go and leaving each other all of a sudden… I’m really glad that we get to explore these types of emotions in the extra songs, and I remember excitedly talking to Misaki Nako, the voice of Chii-chan, about the lyrics when I first read them. That’s how deeply I treasure this song.

The anime’s third season is approaching its climax soon. Before we end this interview, tell us what you think we should be looking out for.

Yuina: I’m already wishing that the anime would never end… But one thing to look out for is definitely how each year group views the other year groups, and how that develops over time. Since I voice Margarete-chan, I believe I know best how she feels, so I’m sure spending time with her seniors has changed the way she views them a lot. I’m sure that’ll become even more prominent in the final three episodes, so I’d be glad if you looked out for not just each year group individually, but also their relationships with one another. Oh, and even though the anime may be coming to the end, Liella! will definitely continue, so that’s also something I hope to convey.

At the end of episode nine, we learned the title of episode ten for the first time, “Sakurakoji Kinako”.

Suzuhara: That really surprised me too! (laughs). I hope you look forward to it! The anime’s story is coming to a close, so it might start getting a little sad and wistful, but I sincerely hope that everyone continues watching to the very end to see how brave everyone has become. I hope to continue walking alongside everyone in Liella! from now on as well!

Date: The fact that school idols have a strict time limit, just three years in high school, is something that really draws me in. If you take that perspective while watching the journey the girls undertook, and think about what you did before entering high school or the things that you’ve encountered in life… I’m sure there will be a lot of people who can relate to what they feel. Also, I hope that you pay attention to all the little details, things like why someone had that particular expression on her face during one particular scene, or why a scene was set in a particular location. There are definitely parts of the anime that you won’t be able to fully grasp by watching it just once, so rather than jumping to a definite conclusion from the start, I think it’d be interesting if you watched the show while considering all the different possibilities. All in all, I’d be glad if you paid close attention to not just everyone’s expressions, actions, and the words they say, but also to the songs’ lyrics, and even the background scenery! I hope you enjoy the final episodes!

Interviewer / Writer: Nagahori Atsuo

Photography: Nozaki Satoshi

Translator: xIceArcher

Quality Check: PokéFanOne

[nereidprinc3ss]

so um, you’ve probably have been asked this many times but how do you start writing fanfic without cringing at yourself? i already feel silly for reading it. i noticed you have gained recognition outside of tumblr which i believe to be an achievement but i can’t allow myself to go through that.

i work in the finance sector at a big american firm, i can’t have my coworkers knowing i’m writing fanfic. i already get teased for watching disney animated films (which it’s not that bad) how do you deal with this? ik you’re still at college and ofc, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid but i bet you know what i mean? do you have some advice on this?

⚠️me not shutting the fuck up and getting way too personal below the cut

honestly at first i DID cringe at myself. i cringed so much that after posting my first fic in like november i dont think i posted again til january because i was writing and would just get so humiliated despite being alone and no one knowing who i was or what i was doing LOL but honestly the way i got over that was just to do it more because i truly love writing and why would i let feeling “cringe” stop me from doing something i love and that makes me happy? that would be so heartbreaking, life is hard enough, we deserve to do things we love and are passionate about without judging ourselves so harshly

as for not letting other people know well yeah i just don’t tell my friends or anyone ik in real life that i write fanfic lol, they know i love to write and they know im obsessed with spencer reid but that’s as much as i’ve told them! i know it’s a thing that maybe most people would consider “weird” but as someone who has a crushing fear of intimacy this is kinda my outlet lmfao. and it made me feel really insecure and weird at first but then i realized like… i try to be kind and caring and thoughtful, i have a lot of good qualities and the fact that i write fanfic doesn’t actually detract from any of them. it also helped for me to accept the reason why i write fanfic which is (and we’re abt to get real personal) i’m deeply afraid of intimacy of any kind and always have been so writing fiction abt the stuff i’m too scared to do isn’t a bad thing. there are a lot of people who wouldn’t understand it but they don’t have the same experiences as me and i don’t need them to understand it because i know that they never could. like they don’t understand what it’s like to so terrified of being known by another person that you obsess over the hottest guy in your school district for six months bc you want the validation of him liking you back and you do everything in your power to make him like you and then when he actually does reciprocate you immediately start icing him out to the point where he says hi at a party and you ignore him to his face cause you’re so afraid of men😂😂😂😂😂 they don’t get those vibes!!!

anyway basically you just have to remember that you’re doing it for you and it actually doesn’t mean something is WRONG with you if you enjoy writing and the safety and control that fiction offers you. it just means you’re one of billions of people living an entirely unique experience, just like anyone else, and honestly i think it makes you interesting. having hobbies and passions is rlly sexy and cool, regardless of what they are, and you deserve to do stuff you like doing. if anyone else is giving you shit abt it it’s probably because they genuinely don’t understand what it’s like to have interests and that makes me feel bad for them lol

[philsmeatylegss]

please tell me more about eugenia cooney,,, at one point I was trying to get into her content but there was a bunch of weird conflicting info but now I want to know

I cannot thank you enough for asking (even though I did beg someone to ask). This was sent yesterday, but I have so many thoughts about her I needed to collect.

Okay, to preface this, I have dealt with a cruel restrictive eating disorder since I was 13, I’m now 21, and have had eating issues my entire life as it runs rampant in my family. I also started getting super into YouTube age 11/12, which is a year or two before Eugenia would blow up. So I like to think I’m qualified to say that I fucking hate her, I hated her long before she came out as a trump supporter, and she fucking sucks.

To start this off, a big misconception about restrictive Ed’s is that people with them are fucking stupid. And I mean that in the way that we can understand facts versus feelings. And what I mean by that is that a lot (if not all of us) can logically understand what our weight and size is, it’s just we feel otherwise. For me personally, I’ve hovered between healthy and tiptoeing on under weight, but even spent some time over. Over these eight years, I’ve known factually this. I saw the numbers on the scale, the size of my clothes, and just general statements from others. The disorder part comes in when I just didn’t feel those facts. I still view(ed) myself as bigger in certain areas or all over.

That’s a basic symptom of restrictive Ed’s. And I know for a fact Eugenia deals with the same thing.

To give a small bit, I genuinely do believe Eugenia is a very very sick person with the severest form of a restrictive ed that one can be. And Ed’s, like any other mental illness, can completely change a person and their personality.

However, that responsibility shifts when you become a public figure.

I know for a fact that Eugenia knows she is on death’s door weight wise. She knows everything I previously said. She knows the number on the scale, the size of her clothes, and the thousands of comments saying so. Even if she doesn’t believe it, which I believe is so, she knows that’s how the public views her. Which is crucial when you are a public figure.

She is aware her body is why she’s a public figure. She has the personality of a napkin, which, to be fair, can be a results of a severe ed. But, as I said, this is all thrown into a completely different context when one is personally is dealing with a restrictive ed and when one is performing it in front of the world.

Eugenia knows factually what she looks like, she just doesn’t believe it.

I do believe her job is a huge factor in why she remains sick. As, as I said, the only way she stays relevant is her body. Understandably, she thinks her relevancy will fade if she recovers. So a small part of me is sympathetic that she is stuck in that cycle. That said, she is a well grown adult and is a big girl who can make big girl decisions. And every day she makes a video with her body, she is choosing views over her well-being.

Though I do recognize this is not directly the fault of Eugenia, she is aware that those who are active fans of her, who regularly view her content, not just check in to see if she’s alive every so often, are either 1) young people with restrictive ed’s looking up to her 2) people with a fetish (yes, that exists).

As I said, she is a big girl who is fully aware of this. I know this as I was the first for some time. And, yes, it is not her responsibility to restrict people watching her videos for the wrong reasons, she has to live with the fact that that’s who she makes an income off of.

I don’t have much proof of this, but I do believe a lot of people who tip her or give her money are fetishists.

From one body dysmorphic to another, almost every pose she does, especially in full body shots, is angled in a way to make her look skinnier. They exist and iykyk. She sucks in a poses and does what she can to be skinnier (not that it’s needed (I believe the posing is more of a kink thing but can’t say for sure)).

It should also be taken into account that her mother is a HUGE enabler.

What people also don’t get is the best way to motivate her to get help is ignoring her. Leaving comments about how sick she appears gives her a high. She chooses money and that high in exchange for being immensely triggering thinspo at the fingers of any thirteen year olds.

And i cannot stress that she knows this. She is not ignorant, in fact, I believe she is very smart.

Eugenia is very sick, but not stupid. Her dignity and legacy is tarnished by greed and needing to prove she’s the skinniest. She is aware the destruction she imposes by being a public figure with her figure, and doesn’t give a fuck. Yes, she is very sick. But a person can be very sick and also a calculated, manipulative individual using their illness for personal, financial, and social gain.

I lost sympathy for her, as someone who gets how devastating her disorder is, long ago. I understand more than the average non-disordered person who sees her as just crazy does. I probably hate her more than those people do as well. I gave her grace for many years because of this, but it ran out long ago. Relapse is normal, but profiting off relapse is not. 

Even though she is a trump supporting twisted individual using her brittle body as a cash cow, I genuinely do hope she gets help and recovers. However, I believe that can only be accomplished if she cold turkey’s the internet. Some people have suggested that she can remain relevant by turning her account into a recovery account, and, though I believe that is possible, her being an internet public figure is way too triggering for her to ever become well and also be engaged with. And I get that is so difficult to make that step. Especially since she is surrounded by enabling circumstances.

However, that hope for her recovery can be existent along with my contempt for her and the need for her to be called out for the destruction her presence leaves. She deserves help, but she deserves to also be responsible for what she has done.

Tldr: you should’ve hated Eugenia cooney long before she came out as a trump supporter and I’m saying this as someone who struggled with the same exact thing she struggles with

I didn’t spell check this so sorry for typos

[artistic-izzy-multifandom]

Izzy's Heavily Improvised Essay on Bambi 2

(to folks who follow me for other stuff, I apologize right ahead of time, just doing my "multifandom" name justice XD)

Okay y’all, bear with me, this was written in the heat of the moment and therefore I might go around in tangents. I’ve been dying to write this essay thingy for months actually, but I kept chickening out when I went to try and just do it. And it was also inspired by Wreckham’s own Bambi post that I saw a while ago, so uh... Yeah.

(also this mainly features my opinions, don't take them as facts >_<)

So, starting things off with this:

It shall be no secret that I’m an avid fan of the Bambi movies (more the second than the first, but we’ll get to that in a bit). 

It’s no surprise that visually speaking, Bambi is a spectacle from beginning to end, on top of having a beautiful soundtrack and a fascinating way of being the closest thing to an animated documentary with its environments.

However, it comes with the price of... Well, lacking a concrete plot. And by that I mean outside of just showcasing Bambi’s life from birth to adulthood. Not to say there’s no value in that, but I reckon it’s not the kind of movie lots of people nowadays would just want to watch multiple times in a row.

(plus considering how much of the novel’s plot they cut out when adapting it to the screens… That’s a can of worms for another day)

Yes, even I, the avid fan, will admit this flaw in the storytelling. And it’s a big reason why I maintain my statement on loving the second movie more than the first.

And oh where do I begin?

Namely how its plot is basically about the time that happened between Bambi’s Mother’s death and the scene with all those cheery singing birds — in other words, the period in which Bambi was raised by his father, the Great Prince of the Forest.

While animation’s changed significantly (given that, y’know, 64 years apart) and also different voice actors were hired for the characters (again, 64 years), I will come here and say that visually the movie did the original justice, and did it in spades!

Plot-wise? On one hand, there’s more dialogue and the humor is a bit more targeted for younger audiences, which in fairness will put off some who are more inclined towards the original.

On the other hand, the movie is also not afraid to explore some darker subjects, some indirectly (like the whole aspect of grief both for Bambi and his father and their respective ways of dealing with it), and some directly (such as the entire Deer Call scene).

And the fact that unlike the first movie, the characters here are more fleshed out, the main highlight of that is none other than the Great Prince himself; in the first movie he... Didn’t have nearly enough screentime or lines to justify his status as protector of the Forest, at best he was a minor character given too much importance, and at worst he was a living prop.

In the second? He’s the second main focus of the story, with a whole character development arc on how to be a father to Bambi despite his belief in tradition (aka the whole “the does care for the young” thing). In fact, I think I should dedicate this part of the essay on his character, shall we? Because years of rewatching the movie made me think a lot of things regarding him (which I don’t see many or even anyone talk enough about):

If we’re gonna think about it, we never really get to know the Great Prince too deeply prior to his mate’s death. Everything we do know about him personality-wise came afterwards, at a time when he had to look after Bambi while also looking after the Forest as a whole.

It’s incredibly easy to label him as a jerk and a deadbeat father when one fails to consider a few things:

1- His mate died, and given the timeframe, the Prince was unable to reach both her and Bambi in time before Man shot her; made worse when you remember that in the first movie he was able to save them both from Man. Literally, at the beginning of the second movie, one of the first expressions we see from him is sadness. Wouldn’t you think he was feeling not just grief, but guilt too?

2- He was left to raise his son alone, at one of the harshest points of wintertime, and only asked Friend Owl to find a doe because the owl offered some help in the first place; recalling the tradition thing, the Prince had no experience with children whatsoever, can you blame him for being baffled at the idea of him raising his son at first?

3- He’s the protector of a whole forest. That’s like, hundreds and hundreds of lives he’s dedicated to keep safe from Man at all times every single day, hundreds and hundreds of animals depending on him to not get shot. Even if he’s experienced at what he does, that’s still a huge pressure onto a single individual, and the fact that he can’t always save everyone every time Man is in the woods.

And a bonus: forget his status as the Great Prince of the Forest for a moment, and what do you have? A stag who lost his mate (whom he genuinely loved) and is left to raise their son entirely on his own.

If I were to guess, I’d say the Great Prince was far more serene prior to the tragedy; still a recluse, what with being the protector of the woods and then some, but less stern in general.

Everything we see of him before the completion of his character development, is him trying to make do with something that was out of his control and dealing with its consequences. (there’s a reason why ‘Parents as People’ is a trope, y’know)

Hell, it was all but stated that even before he became more open towards Bambi and embraced his role as a parent, he already cared about his son in his own way. I’m under the belief that he’s always been capable of raising him, all he needed was some time (and a bit of a nudge from Bambi himself at points).

Plus he was already regretting the whole “new mother to Bambi” plan and intending on calling it off by the time Friend Owl brought Mena, he only went through with it anyway because he thought he screwed things up with Bambi for good - btw I do not blame Bambi for being mad, poor guy’s spent most of the movie trying to impress his dad and taking every lesson to heart, only to find out about the arrangement at the worst time possible.

On another tangent, I feel like one aspect that’s often overlooked is how both Bambi and his father reacted to going through with the arrangement:

By the time Bambi was going to leave with Mena, he wasn’t even mad anymore, just downtrodden and upset that he wouldn’t get to see his friends as often, but otherwise resigned and accepting that it’s what he should be doing. Putting up a brave facade all the while, much like the Great Prince himself.

Same for the latter, he was trying to keep his regal facade up as well and insisting that “a Prince does sacrifices” - he was mostly talking about himself, having to give his son up so he’s raised by someone better than the Prince.

And let’s get one fact clear before heading to a main point in this essay: although Bambi did get mad at his father (down to even wishing his mother was there instead of him), he was far more upset at being separated from him and not getting to see him as often, and it’s made obvious he regretted yelling those words at his father.

Otherwise, Bambi wouldn’t have rushed back to nuzzle him goodbye, wouldn’t have thought of retaliating against Ronno when the latter taunted him about being “given away” due to his father “being ashamed of him”. And he certainly wouldn’t have run to another cliff to meet his dad after defeating the last of Man’s dogs.

In fact I more than believe that they would’ve reconciled on the spot as soon as they saw each other again, which was what likely gonna happen after Bambi saved Mena and got rid of all the dogs.

But then the cliff scene happened.

(aka one of my favorite scenes in the whole movie, and yes I will defend it right now)

Now, I can see why a good bunch of people hate that scene (namely the whole Disney Death thing), but allow me to say that it’s in the movie for a reason, and it’s not to trick the audience into thinking Bambi did die from the fall.

It’s to showcase the Great Prince’s character arc coming to fruition.

Remember when I said that the Prince did love Bambi in his own way despite not knowing anything about raising children? This is the scene where he finally realized just how much he did care all along, shedding away his “prince does/does not” mentality for good. Realizing that Bambi needed him as a father

There's so much that goes unsaid in the scene.

How the Prince’s voice nearly breaks when urging Bambi to get up, him saying “A Prince does not...” but never finishing it. What was he going to say? We don’t know, and that’s the point. Maybe even he didn’t know, maybe it was said out of reflex.

How he gets down and looks at his (seemingly) dead son before nuzzling him, keeping him as close as he could, and crying.

This all makes it more meaningful when Bambi does wake up and calls him Dad for the first time, showcasing how far their bond has gone and developed.

I believe, among other things, that the scene (and perhaps counting the dog chase as well) was also meant to be a mirror/parallel to the dream sequence from earlier in the movie. But that’s perhaps an essay for another day!

So, in conclusion… I swear I’m 100% normal about this movie, I totally did not spend days on end trying to make this improv essay as cohesive as possible-

[essay ends here, roll credits]

[the-violet-galaxy]

On the topic of Ruin

EDIT: Just for reference, with further updates a few of these opinions have changed, but a lot of the sentiment is the same. (I also hadn't watched everything from the show yet, so my knowledge of some of the lore was spotty).

-

So. We just learned a lot about Ruin, didn’t we? The big twist and who he was all along.

Let me say, I adore this show! The story has been incredible and I’ve been at the edge of my seat the whole time. It’s been fascinating going back and forth about Ruin, listening to the arguments about whether he was good or evil. And when he was revealed to have built Eclipse all along, it was a matter of whether he did so knowingly or not.

But. Now we know for certain that Ruin did it willingly, and he was 100% aware, and faking being nice the whole time; and even if I WANT to hold out hope for him, there keep being less and less ways for Ruin to somehow be good or redeemed at the end of this. It seems Ruin might be confirmed 100% to be evil through and through, no Jekyll and Hyde, second personality, or return of the virus, like a lot of us had hoped.

And… I don’t know if I like this twist.

… Sadly, I can't say I do.

And I’d like to give my thoughts why! I have a lot to say, both from the perspective of a Ruin fan and from a storytelling perspective. So there's lots of analysis and personal feelings mixed together down here!

(And of course, there is still more to be revealed, but this is how it stands now.)

My first point is that it loses the show of a very good character.

Ruin was a great character! He was so unique in his personality, traits, and mannerisms compared to the rest of the cast, and his interactions with others were tons of fun.

It also just made a ton of sense to have him around: he is basically Canon Eclipse from the Ruin DLC, so letting him be here is just a Big Brain move.

There was so much potential for where he could go, given his backstory. He was a person who had 50 years of his life stolen from him, his entire world and everything he ever knew was destroyed, HIS BODY was the tool used to do it; and here he was, waking up in a new world his evil self tried to destroy, after being saved thanks to the kindness of several strangers who had every right to kill him but risked so much just to give him a chance. And now, unmoored here, he’s just trying to rebuild anything resembling a life --

There were SO many things you could do with this, SO many interesting ways Ruin could have developed… the angst; the sheer guilt of having killed so many people and destroyed so much; the fear of what he would see, if his memories from his time with the virus ever got uncorrupted; the TERROR he feels that his virus self might not actually be fully gone, and the desperation to NOT turn back into his other self and hurt anyone ever again -- the feeling of being excluded by everyone in this new dimension, he stays out of their way because he feels somewhat responsible for his Virus self hurting them, being the Weird Person who tries to fit in but really has no place anywhere, just wants to have a new life and new family with these people… (His relationship with Solar in particular was so interesting to me.) Ruin could have made up with Sun, after a long time of Sun being uncomfortable with him.

He was just one of the most fun characters to have around, including his streak of doing weird things. (And this is just personal, but I’m autistic, so I read that into a lot of his mannerisms. I loved him.)

And he paralleled many characters too!! In a way, you could say he was similar to New Moon: Ruin was created when his Sun and Moon fused, meaning Ruin is technically an incarnation of them, but he’s NOT them -- the way New Moon is an incarnation of Moon, but he’s not Old Moon. Ruin and Moon could have had formed a connection through that, at some point.

(And in this new arc, if we go with the idea that Ruin is innocent and a second personality was the one doing everything, then Ruin would be a parallel to Eclipse himself!! Eclipse is fabricated and nothing about him is “real” – the same could be said for Ruin in this event, where his second personality is literally messing with his brain, making Ruin also a "fabricated" personality of some kind. There is a line Ruin says when Eclipse kidnapped him that I always found interesting, where Ruin offered to heal Eclipse’s mind like therapy, which Eclipse shot down… I always liked that idea, that Eclipse and Ruin could bond. If Eclipse learned RUIN wasn’t to blame and it was a second personality, then, well, it could have happened. Why would the writers throw that idea out if they knew they would never do anything with it?)

As it was, Ruin had an entire WORLD of potential. And his existence made sense on a meta level, with link to the DLC's Canon Eclipse.

But that’s all gone now. Ruin being 100% evil just loses all that.

I think they did too good a job of making Ruin an enjoyable character to have around, if they knew he was going to be evil the whole time and were going to kill him in the end. (At the same time, they also didn’t utilize him in certain ways, like how Ruin never got a therapy session with Earth and was excluded from some of the group events, which logically would have been good for covering his tracks.)

Could there have been both a Good-Ruin and Ruin-Remade-Eclipse-Twist at the same time?

I’ll talk more about it in the next point, but I genuinely think the writers could have had it both ways if they had wanted to. They could have let Ruin be a good and innocent person who can stay around as a member of the cast, while STILL having him be the rebuilder of Eclipse and the source of other evil things. How?

The Two-Personalities theory! It’s been a theory for a while that Ruin has more than one personality inside of him, the second personality usually theorized to be his Virus Self. When he slips up and says stuff like “OUR head’s spinning a little bit” when getting the memory scrub from Moon, for instance. Ruin would be innocent and unaware, while his Virus/Other Self takes over when he’s not mentally present and does the bad things.

(Or alternatively: Ruin as an innocent person WAS real for a while, but his virus came back at some point.)

If that is what happened, they could have their cake and eaten it too.

And I think that would have been a better utilization of the worldbuilding given to us. Elaborated further:

I feel they could have utilized the worldbuilding in better ways.

One of the most interesting parts of the Show is how it plays with the concept of identity for these robots. There are several characters that are new incarnations of previous characters, but are distinctly different people from their previous selves. Bloodmoon, Moon, Eclipse, etc. 

Look closer at Moon. Even if they are incarnations of the same person, Old Moon and New Moon are completely separate individuals. New Moon lost his memories and remembers nothing of being Old Moon, which is WHY he is a new person. It would be completely unfair to blame New Moon for what Old Moon did – New Moon did not kill those children, New Moon did not abuse Sun, because he does not remember it. Because he does not remember it, he shouldn’t be punished for those things, because HE did not do them. What this means is that MEMORY is one of the key aspects in a robot’s identity, and their identity can change depending on those memories.  

Now take that, and apply it to Ruin: how interesting would it have been if RUIN, the one we saw in the videos, was actually fully innocent and completely unaware of what his body was being used to do the entire time? Because his evil past self/second personality had been controlling him and literally editing over top of his memories while his body was building Eclipse and preparing the Arcade plan, so that Ruin had no idea anything was going on? For all these months, Ruin GENUINELY believes he is innocent, and doesn’t remember doing anything that brought Eclipse back; he’s in distress when suspicion falls on him because he “knows” he did nothing wrong, and he’s relieved when Moon scrubs his mind and finds nothing there; phew, now they can trust him. But then! Along with Moon, Solar, Sun, and everyone else, he would find out he WAS doing it all along. Ruin could be utterly HORRIFIED and aghast that his worst fear (turning back into his evil self) had come true. And imagine the angst for that too, “my memories have been messed with so much – I’m basically a fabrication of a personality, DO I EVEN COUNT AS TRULY EXISTING!?” 

This could even lead to an interesting moral conundrum for Sun and Moon too. Moon is already on the warpath and has less patience for Ruin’s life (especially with how much harm Ruin seemingly did to them), so would Moon be eager to KILL Ruin (or if not kill him, then at least give Eclipse permission to do it)? Or would Moon be talked through it, sort of realize “Ruin doesn’t remember any of it and didn’t do it himself. It’s not his fault. The same way Old Moon’s actions are not mine. It would be unjust to kill him because RUIN wasn’t the one who did any of it.”

Many possibilities.

...But no, none of that ended up happened.

Instead Ruin is a “was always evil, all along” kind of guy. Which is… pretty disappointing considering the other possibilities. It genuinely feels like “the most obvious option.”

Also, Eclipse has literal command orders built into his head.

So in theory, maybe the innocent Ruin could have had something like this too. Imagine: His second personality, doing things whenever Ruin is mentally asleep, also embeds Ruin's AI with those command prompts that force Ruin to do unusual things. Ruin builds his own body and he doesn't really have a good reason? The commands subconsciously forcing him to. He goes down into the bunker? He has this weird, pathological obsession with doing things with arcade machines he can't quite stop? THE COMMAND LINES, BABY.

Then when it comes time for Moon to memory-scrub him, the second personality could just. Corrupt the lines, hide them with the rest of them.

(Then OO DRAMA later on when everyone realizes Ruin's condition. Just as Eclipse knows he'll die if he differs from his plans, Ruin realizes he's being forced to do things and will die if he doesn't. Hey that's another connection the two could share.)

Eclipse has been right about everything, but this twist sort of invalidates a few of the things Eclipse has said.

Eclipse honed in on Ruin and was correct the whole time. But let’s look at a few episodes, to hyper-analyze some of the things Eclipse said.

The episode where Eclipse kidnapped Ruin:

Ruin: I was far too busy elsewhere to have any, uh, meddling with your being—

Eclipse: You see that’s the funny thing. I don’t think you realize what you’ve DONE. Or what you ARE going to do.

This implies Eclipse ALSO believes Ruin doesn’t remember his actions.  So if Eclipse has been right about everything so far, why would he be wrong about THAT?

In the same episode, after Eclipse tells Ruin: "I'm going to torture you" and leaves, Ruin is left all alone. Because Eclipse has left, Ruin has no reason to keep up the facade of being scared any longer, and YET, he still sits there hyperventilating for a few seconds before saying:

"Oh GOD...."

why would he do that, if he knew he could drop the act?

There’s also the episode where he confronts Ruin, he says:

“What did you do, huh? Changed a bit of your memory? Wiped your whole brain with a magnet? What did you do, huh?”

And I still just feel if Ruin genuinely changed his whole memory and brain, that his entire Ego/Personality should change. 

There’s also just the amount of Eclipse’s “Are you terrified of me?” and scaring Ruin that whole episode.

If Ruin WASN’T in a different, innocent personality at that moment, Eclipse would know he’s not scared. If Ruin BUILT him, he wouldn’t be scared.

Ruin offered to “repair” Eclipse’s mind at one point, comparing it to therapy.

Which Eclipse shot down, of course. If Ruin was 100% faking and knew what he was doing the entire time, and he knew he was never going to do anything of the sort with Eclipse, why would he EVER offer this to Eclipse? Why would the writers throw it out if it was never going to go anywhere?

It loses a perfectly good redemption arc.

One thing about the Show is how its redemptions rarely stick, at least for long. Lunar is like, the only one who has gotten a redemption arc and stayed alive. Killcode died shortly after his redemption. Old Moon tried to change, really he did, but he died before he could ever make the changes he needed to.  Eclipse is currently being worked on in a way, but that is still a LONG ways off. Etc, etc.

Then we had Ruin, who was another successful “redemption”, and it was pretty good to see!! …Which is now ruined (hah) because he was never good to begin with.

LEADING INTO ANOTHER IMPORTANT POINT:

It makes all that effort the other characters went through for nothing.

Sun and Moon tried so hard to help Ruin, they took a risk for him to cure him of his virus – but in the end, this was the Wrong thing to do.

The characters did the right thing!! And they are being punished for it!!

And elaborating on that further:

This is going to negatively affect all the characters going forward.

This entire arc, Moon has been dealing with negative thought patterns and paranoia, and a lot of that paranoia manifested when he was investigating Ruin. He acted pretty cruel to Ruin in many ways, especially during the interrogation. This is why I thought it was very good for Moon when he did the memory scrub, found nothing, and realized he was being kind of a jerk, so he apologized to Ruin and pulled back a bit. He didn’t STOP LOOKING INTO HIM, but it was a lesson for him, to not to let his aggression reign over him when dealing with people he was suspicious of.

(One of the most concerning parts of Moon’s paranoia was how he said he didn’t trust ANYONE. He says so directly to Eclipse: “trust is a FARCE.” Despite this, in some way or form, he DID let his guard down around Ruin and began to trust him just a mild amount.)

WELL NOW THAT’S ALL GONE! Moon will never trust anyone ever again. The last person he gave the benefit of the doubt to turned out to be a multiverse-destroyer. Moon now has every reason to double down on his aggression, his paranoia, his mistrust of other people; in the future I doubt he will ever be so kind or lenient with people. He would probably be more likely to “attack first” when seeing a potential threat. And Sun as well; Sun will have much less reason to want to be kind or to take a chance to help a villain, because one time he helped Ruin and it blew up in his face.

So… good job. :/

It just kind of feels like the most obvious twist that could have written with the pieces on hand.

It’s like… There are a million different moving parts for this mystery -- multi-personalities, the virus, ways to play with memories that change identities, command orders embedded into robot's skulls – and then they chose the most straightforward way to use them.

Over the course of the storyline there were SO many signs pointing to Ruin (one of the Thumbnails even had a Creepy Face hidden in the corner) that it felt there HAD to be some kind of twist involving personalities or memories or someone else controlling him. I don’t want to say bad writing, but….

It almost makes Ruin a little too powerful.

I feel it’s almost cheating in some ways. Ruin is able to edit/corrupt his own memories so Moon couldn’t access them…… but RUIN still know them? Why didn’t Ruin literally forget those things, himself? It feels a little TOO powerful, a little too unrealistic, for him to be able to fool all these scanners and all these people SO easily. ESPECIALLY because we know Moon and Solar (and Eclipse definitely) went snooping around Ruin’s stuff before and looked at his computers; how did they, two galactic supergeniuses, never find ANY hint that Ruin had tampered with the security camera broadcasts when they were doing it?

When Ruin is supposed to be acting, he sounds just a little too sincere.

This is more of a minor thing, but in some of the episodes, when something dramatic happened to Ruin, it doesn't feel like he's acting in-universe; he sounds very sincere.

Just some examples: when he's interrogated by Moon and sounds so sad about being threatened. When Eclipse menaces him several times he's so scared. And many just other instances just. (And again, since I'm autistic, I read some of his stranger mannerisms as just being through that lens. Even if he acted strange sometimes that doesn't automatically equal fakeness.)

And I dunno, maybe he should have had more instances where it didn't feel so sincere.

This makes Solar the only person from another dimension who is good.

Pretty much everyone else from the other dimensions is bad or evil in some way, (aside from like one Sun from the one-off dimension where Moon never existed.) And I love Solar, but for some reason, it just doesn’t feel RIGHT that he’s literally the only person who is totally cool with the Celestial family.  Does anyone else feel that way?

Minor thing: When Moon apologized to Ruin, they said they would make Ruin a bedroom out of one of the alcoves.

Then they didn't.

Petty reason: Ruin was my comfort character, my personal one.

Lol, lmao even, my poor heart. It's broken.

And there are some various other thoughts, but this is also really long, so I'm going to stop here.

At the end of the day, I was really passionate about this character, and I’m disappointed to see it go the route that it did. There WERE ways to have Ruin still be good while also being a villain, just by giving him a second personality. And giving Ruin a second personality, to play around with the worldbuilding of robot memories and how Ruin isn’t responsible due to his memories being different, I personally think would have been more interesting.

Is there ANY hope for Ruin still being around after this? I’m not sure at this point. It’s looking less and less likely that there is a way out for Ruin. It’s looking less and less likely that there are two personalities, or even that Ruin was infected to begin with. 

If he somehow makes it out I’ll be ecstatic, but until then, I have a feeling we might be saying goodbye to him soon.

I still love this Show very much! And the story isn't over yet. So we'll just have to see if it can pull something off with this. But as it stands, I just have to respectfully say I think a mistake has been made in the direction they are going with it.

[jc-martin-og]

CW: Long vent below.

I made this drawing in MS Paint one random night where I just felt really melancholic, almost suffocated in a way. It was an impulse that just came to me, and now that I look back on it, I guess it's a good shorthand for how I've felt for a good while. 

This year left me with a bittersweet sensation in its entirety. A mix of closure for some things, and lingering doubts left from most of them. I’ve wrapped up so many things that seemed necessary at the time, only to realise they left behind more questions than peace, still figuring out if everything was worth the effort. Some projects and goals I had from the year before didn’t take shape, swept away by constant change and the unrelenting adulthood demands on my time. But still, I should take some credit for giving myself enough time and organisation to complete some others, and learning from them how to move forward. Dreams can be cruel sometimes, usure if they'll either offer you illusions or genuine joy.

I experienced a lot of changes I never imagined I’d face in recent times. I watched the house I grew up in morph into something completely unrecognisable—feeling almost as if the few good memories I had from the place vanished with it. I said goodbye to so many people and places, each farewell leaving its own mark, and faced internal battles I had bottled up for years, confronting parts of my mind I was too afraid to explore.

Probably the most unexpected one was getting diagnosed with ASD after years of doubt and uncertainty about myself, after wondering for a while how possible of an idea it was. It left me shocked, almost at a loss, but also opened my eyes in ways both enlightening and challenging. It gave me some clarity about who I am and the reasons behind so much I’ve felt, but it also unearthed struggles I now see more clearly and must continue to navigate.

Related to that, seeking professional help became a turning point for me. But overall, it did help on seeing just how wild a thing serotonin is—how it can shift your world in ways you didn’t think possible. It made me see to how dangerous the mind can be when left unchecked, almost stranded. Not just about finding those highs but about understanding them, managing them, and making sure they don’t control you. It’s a process, learning to work with your mind instead of being at its mercy. It’s not easy, it never has, but it’s a lesson I’m constantly taking with me.

Reflecting on the years gone by, I think I started to truly appreciate and understand myself thanks to people who truly offered me that without anything in exchange. I’ve been learning how to really spend time with myself, how to work with myself, and what it means to feel at peace in a lot of unexpected places—even if I didn’t understand it at first. Going from people from abroad, school friends, families of friends who took me as one of their own—despite how alien their kindness felt, only for the bubble to blow up in my face and finally realise how neglected I’ve been my whole life from things like basic human dignity and care.

It has left behind a familiar, hollow ache that comes back at times. Perhaps most of those connections fade into memories by now, but I’d like to think they’ve left a mark strong enough to not fall into a really dim place. For a long time, all I knew was hatred and resentment—an anger I thought would stay with me forever, born from internal wounds that could never truly be resolved, even when I tried. That weight lingered for too long, shaping my view of the world and myself in a very damaging way. And while some of that bitterness hasn’t entirely faded, it has been soothed, little by little, by the rare and remarkable few who’ve shown me what kindness and healing means.

They reminded me that goodness isn’t just about grand gestures or idealistic perfection—it’s in the simple, honest ways we choose to care for others, without expectation. These experiences taught me to extend that same kindness inward, to treat myself with the respect I was denied for so long. And though I won't deny that the shadows of anger are still there, those lessons of goodness have given me something brighter to hold on to—a way forward, even when the past feels too heavy to carry. Their actions, often small but profoundly meaningful, chipped away those walls I had built.

I'd like to think that I've come to terms with the mistreatment and abandonment I’ve faced, often excused by circumstances that used to make sense, but cannot be undone. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily to me, nor have I ever considered myself as someone to give second chances freely, not when it was rarely offered to me for every mistake I made.

At the same time, I won’t deny that I’ve been a real piece of work when confronted with my context, or with those who sought to take advantage of me. I’ve chosen to meet the world with the same energy it gives me back. But despite how dire things have been, I’ve chosen to offer kindness where it’s needed and where it’s deserved, especially for those I care for who’ve been hurt, or those who have needed support and care—even if it didn’t come back at all.

I crossed paths with a good number of people from the past as well, those who knew a version of me that no longer exists. It was a stark reminder of how things have changed, of how much I’ve changed, and how the parts of me they remember are now just burned ashes I keep smelling along the way once in a while. Seeing them again brought mixed feelings—nostalgia for the past, but also a sense of disconnect, as if I was speaking with someone I didn’t know. I suppose those kinds of encounters do show you how much you’ve endured and how those experiences have shaped the person you are today.

I honestly don’t know what to expect anymore. The future feels like a path that’s both daunting and strangely freeing. Next year, I’ll be turning a quarter of a century, and at this point in my life, I wouldn’t call myself a pessimist, neither an optimist. I’ve learned to meet the world as it is, embracing its beauty while acknowledging its harshness. But I do know this; whatever lies ahead will be defined by what the world offers me, as it always has been, yet defined by how I choose to respond with responsability. Life has shown me that we’re shaped as much by the joy we find as by the trials we endure—the moments of light and shadow that make us who we are.

Thanks to all who have been part of this journey, and I hope that we can continue to illuminate it in the year ahead, as challenging as it may seem from here.

[emlovslennon]

(HELP HES SO FINE)

Era: 1969

Plot: After being friends with John for 3 years, you finally confess your feelings for him, also basically AU bc yoko is non existent LMAO you’re welcome.

Warnings: None! Just fluff :)

-

“Alright, boys! I think that’s all” Paul says cheerfully, everyone else seemed to feel the same, as everyone looked wore out and tired, except Paul of course. Paul was the hardest worker you knew, you became close with all of them once you met John when they were about to work on Sgt. Peppers, and they let you sit with Linda while they record. You could never seem to keep your eyes off John, though. The entire almost 10 hours of him working. His hair, his voice, his eyes, his hands, his body, everything. Everything about him just seemed…. Perfect.

“Hey, love.” John whispered as he tapped your shoulder from behind, you jumped slightly and immediately got kicked out of your thoughts. John giggled lightly at your reaction. Your face was bright red and your heart started to beat fast.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to ask if you would want me to drive you home?” He asked, looking deep into your eyes. You nodded as you played with your fingers and biting your lip, you’d have to tell him sometime, I mean, no, of course not, why would you do that? That’s silly! Right?…

“H-hey, John… I have something to tell you when we get into the car.” You managed to stutter out, John nodded and placed his hand on your back as he walked you out of the studio and into the car, you felt nauseous from the nervousness, scared of his reaction, scared that you might lose the one man you felt true feelings for. But you knew that you couldn’t hide it any longer.

“So, what were you going to tell me, birdie?” He asked, putting his keys into the ignition and starting the car. You stuttered for a second, until you finally decided to swallow your pride and let it out:

“John, Ive been feeling this way for awhile now and it’s become so unbearable I can’t hold it any longer. I… I think I have feelings for you, and strong feelings, ever sense I met you, I’ve connected with you in ways I never have with another person, if you don’t wanna talk anymore, I’ll um… Understand, I just had to say it, it’s completely fine if you don’t fe-“

“Yn, do you have any idea how long I’ve been wanting to tell you that? You have been the woman I’ve been looking for me whole life, I was fucking miserable until I met you, you make me wanna keep going with this silly boy band if that means I get to see your pretty face watching me, I’m absolutely in love with you, in every sense of the word.” He confessed, cupping your face as he pulled you into a soft kiss, only breaking apart once you realized you guys were the only ones in the parking lot and it was almost three in the morning.

“Say, how about instead of just me taking you home, how about you just live with me? I have plenty of room, just me and occasionally Julian, he usually spends time with his mother” he said, gripped your hand tightly, you were shocked by the gesture, but your heart completely melted, you truly never knew what love meant until you met him.

“Id love to, John” you said, he smiled, giving you one last kiss before driving off into the night.

-

A/N: WOOOOO FIRST FIC!!! This was just a lil’ sample of what my writing is like, I wanna try writing a smut but I’m so rusty rn when it comes to that so I just did something simple, hope it was enjoyable!!!