#i’m sorry i’m sorry but the fact that the episode could exist at all

[lucky-clover-gazette]

okay what i just watched has caught up with me and i’m happy crying just a little bit

[helloholakonnichiwa]

jesus 😭

bear with me this is likely just word vomit it’s like midnight and i’m running on hot chocolate and a tadc high

I LOVED Zooble in this episode! I’d never given them much thought before, but this is definitely making me reconsider.

I love Caine, he’s my favourite character, but I definitely can’t blame Zooble and the rest of the cast for being so frustrated with him. I mean, he is a self-proclaimed ‘war-criminal.’ However, Zooble is definitely the one most open about their dislike towards Caine. We never got much of an explanation beforehand, besides them being rather blunt and edgy, but Ep3 shows us how they told Caine about their worries before - multiple times in fact - but he had always forgotten them. We don’t know if he forced them to as he did in this ep, but either way it must be frustrating for someone to put so much effort into trying to understand you, before immediately forgetting (and drawing bees while you talk).

I also love how the show shows (hah) the impact of the whole body change thing. I mean, imagine not only being transported to a whole different plane of existence and losing all memories of your life and identity, but also being forced into a body that you know isn’t yours, but don’t quite know what would make it right. It’s even worse for Zooble, who technically doesn’t even have a fixed body in TADC since their body parts can be changed. There’s a chance that the characters’ new bodies could relate to their real life identities, but to Zooble it must feel like they’ve lost out on that.

Although I didn’t relate 100%, as a trans guy I did find myself understanding a lot of what Zooble said about bodies as well. ‘I just want to find something that feels… good.’ God, wow, going right for my heart there.

And then how the therapy session switches to Zooble being Caine’s therapist. This is either because Caine forced them, they realised that Caine’s mental instability and insecurities would damage the circus (what’s up with that btw?? feel like that’ll definitely come up more in the future) or they genuinely feel sorry for him. Assuming it’s one of the latter two options, it really shows that Zooble holds a lot more empathy than they would perhaps like to put on show (I mean option 2 also has a self-saving aspect, but yk).

Also also I love how their reaction to the adventures and generally being in the circus differs from the others. Pomni has constant freak outs but still lets herself be forced into doing everything; Jax acts all tough and sarcastic; Kinger literally went crazy; Ragatha pretends that she’s ok and focuses on supporting the others, but it’s evident that she is really, really struggling; and Gangle also tries to act happily, but her happiness is literally stolen from her not after long so she remains permanently weepy. Yet, they all go through these things during the adventures as well. Zooble simply avoids it all and shuts off.

So uhh conclusions?? Idk man I’m sleep deprived

[geegers22]

I’ve seen lots of conversation on here about Zutara shippers opinions on aang and mai and i thought I’d give my point of view.

I want to start by saying that I think there should be more of a distinction between disliking a character because they are a bad person and disliking a character because they are written badly. With that being said, I can confidently say that, with the material of the main ATLA show, I dislike Aang and Mai because they are badly written characters. Meaning, if their arcs were properly finished, I would have no problems with them. This brings me to another topic of how I don’t really ‘hate’ characters who are bad people if they’re well written but that’s a conversation for another post.

I need to point out that I didn’t start disliking Aang and Mai until they had their arcs undermined when Kataang and Maiko became canon. With the arcs they were going on, they had so much potential to be really interesting and I enjoyed their personalities.

When it comes to Aang, I had no problem with him as a character until season 3 part 2 when I started to realize that his world view (which is flawed based solely on the fact that he is young and there is no way he’s going to have a nuanced pov) was not going to be challenged. Aang should have had to give up katara. Aang should not have just had everything handed to him with the lion turtle and the pointy rock.

Then there’s the southern raiders which I would argue, if Aang’s arc had been completed, would not illicit as many conversations and arguments about it as it currently has. Because his actions in that episode make sense (Sokkas don’t really but again-that’s another story) because he’s a kid. This episode should have been a big decider of his change in worldview. The problem is that the creators decided his flaws didn’t exist and that he was perfect. (At 12 years old?!?!?)

Then there’s Mai. She’s a much smaller character but that doesn’t mean she deserves less of an arc. Mai is a character whose personality I love! (I’m all for gloomy depressed women!) There’s two ways Mai’s character could have developed, and I think both options are great, the problem is that Bryke decided to go in neither direction.

On the one hand, Mai could have been a representation of unlearning the propaganda she was taught in the fire nation throughout her whole life. I think this direction would make Maiko more believable, although I still don’t think they are a good couple because their personalities create a toxic dynamic and Mai’s story with Zuko is meant to represent that toxicity.

The second option would be to have her views not change, like we see in the show, and have her not get back together with Zuko. This is the more interesting path in my opinion because it’s more realistic. I don’t think the problem with Mai’s arc lies with her personal views of the fire nation, more so with her relationship with Zuko. As we have it in the show, Mai’s views don’t change. Therefor, it doesn’t make sense for her character or for Zuko’s for them to get back together like nothing ever happened.

When it comes down to it. Both Aang and Mai had their arcs sabotaged because the creators rejected Zutara. Even without Zuko and Katara getting together these were the wrong decisions. Both characters had potential to be well written, but in the end, the creators chose the path didn’t allow that to happen because they just couldn’t kill their darling. (Kataang)

Sorry for rambling, this is kind of just my take on the whole “Zutara shippers hate Aang and Mai” take.

[you-have-a-metal-arm]

*gif not mine

PANIC ATTACK

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky has a panic attack for the first time since the two of you got together and he’s scared to death that you’d get sick of him and eventually leave

Warnings: Panic attack, swear words,

Word Count: 756

Authors Note: Please do not copy or translate my work. I appreciate every feedbacks! Thank you for reading!

It was 3 am.

Both of you were in Bucky’s room, cuddling with each other and embracing each other’s existence. But out of nowhere, you felt a strong grunt with couple of whimpers and groans following it. You awake by the sound, slowly opened your eyes and tried to adjust to the dark room. As your eyes adapted to the room, you saw Bucky hyperventilating. You were with Bucky for about 5 months, and this was your first time seeing him like this. You heard him talking about them, but to see him having a panic attack, this was the first time. Not even hesitating, you gently tapped Bucky on his arm to wake him up. But he was too deeply consumed in his nightmare that he wasn’t even bothered. So you called out his name and shook him.

"Bucky!! Wake up baby, you’re having a nightmare."

Bucky responded with a groan. So you tried again.

"Bucky, everything’s okay. I just need you to wake up for me baby."

Bucky woke up trying to catch his breath. His hands were trembling, in fact, his whole body was shaking. You cupped Bucky’s face with your tiny hands, and he seemed to calm down a little bit.

"Bucky look at me. Breathe with me okay?"

Bucky nodded, and followed your instructions.

"inhale, one, two, and exhale, one, two. inhale, one, two, and exhale, one, two. You’re doing so well babe."

‘How long was he hiding this from you?’

you thought to yourself. The thought of your soulmate suffering this horrendous episodes all alone. While your mind was running a million miles an hour, Bucky instantly grabbed your torso and pulled you in tight and started sobbing.

"I’m sorry Y/N. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up, and I- I- it just-"

"Hey baby look at me."

Bucky let go of your body and looked at you in the eyes.

"You’re okay, you’re safe. You know that right?"

Bucky quietly nodded, avoiding eye contact, ‘cause he knew the moment he saw the hurt in your eyes, he’d burst into tears again. But you didn’t let that happen. You cupped Bucky’s face and started to kiss all over his face. And you could feel Bucky holding in his grin. However, he still had the terror inside his eyes, even though he tried his best to hide it. The fear of losing you was ripping his heart into a million pieces, making his anxiety even worse.

You enveloped your legs around his broad torso and he leaned onto your shoulder. You started caressing his lovely dark hair. And his eyes fell up with tears. He hugged you tightly, not wanting to let go. Not wanting to EVER let go.

Once again it was the two of you in the darkness, becoming each other’s candle.

As the silence caved in, Bucky started to talk.

"You’re not going to leave me right baby?"

His voice was shaking and even though you didn’t look him in the eye, you knew his eyes would be trembling with fear.

"Of course, baby. Why would you think that?"

"What if- what if you get sick of all this? What if you think I can’t be fixed no more. What if you get tired of trying to fix me?"

‘fix?’ It was the first time you heard Bucky use the word ‘fix’. You’ve never thought he’d need fixing. He was just a poor man with a tormented past living as a victim of an experiment. He was just a poor man who just figured what love was, and he was just a man to you who was the most gentle, caring, and loving. You never thought he needed fixing.

"Fix? Bucky you don’t need fixing. You’re not broken. And I’m not dating you to fix you. I’ll never be sick of-"

"But what if you do?"

"Bucky, look at me. I’ll never leave you. I’ll be right here as long as you’ll tolerate me. I’ll break the world into two pieces, I’ll go to space and fight aliens, and I’ll even move mountains just to stay with you. I’ll never get sick of you. Never. You’re stuck with me until we’re gray and old, alright?"

Bucky nodded, and the hug deepened. He trusts you once again, because deep in his heart, he knew you’d love him no matter what. And the link of the two of you will be connected for eternity.

[pennamenotfound]

'Family On Six'

Little ficlet I wrote in the middle of the newest MisMag episode when I was Going Through It. Spoilers under the cut.

Jammer, Sam, and K need to convince Evan to come back.

“Hey, man, what do you think ‘family on six’ means?” Jammer demanded. “You keep saying you’re bad to be around, or whatever, but you’re family, dog. Do you think you’re making things better by keeping me from having you around? You’re fucking family, dog. ‘Family on six’ means you’re part of the fucking team, man. We’re the motherfucking Pilot Program, and it’s Goat House forever and fucking Pilot Program forever, man! And that means we need you, dog. So shut the fuck up with all that fucking bullshit and come back to us! Fuck, I thought we figured this shit out already when you decided you were going to keep your magic back at Gowpenny, man. I thought you got it then. That we loved you and it didn’t matter what happened, what blood snakes come out of your leg or however many demons are in you or whatever, because we handled the blood snake and we handled the demons, and—and can’t you just be part of the team, Evan? Why can’t you get that ‘family on six’ includes you and it always has and it always will and there’s no other way that ‘family on six’ goes? We can’t do ‘family on six’ without you, dog. Come on.” Jammer shook his head. “You’re fucking family.”

“I think…” Evan’s voice was shaky but matter-of-fact. “I think I’ve never really understood family, because I never really got to have one.”

“Bullshit, man!” Jammer snapped. “That’s bullshit! You had us. You have us.”

“I think Jammer means that we want to teach you,” Sam cut in tremulously. “We want to teach you to be part of a family. All that matters is love. All that matters is we love each other, and then everybody gets to stay and be together and be family. And it doesn’t matter what—what use you are. The use is just—just being there and being family. Being together and—and happy, and just—just being. That’s what family is. That’s what we want from you. To just… be Evan so we get to be around our favorite Evan.” Sam’s lip trembled. “P-please come back, Evan. I—I don’t want you to be gone. I—I need you, please.”

“I know I fucked up,” K said. “I—I was trying to fix something that—that was too big for me to fix alone, and that—that didn’t really even need fixing, anyway, and—and you don’t need to be fixed, Evan. You’re—you’re all good. You don’t—I always tried to fix you. Like you were a bundle of tropes and character traits, but you’re Evan. You’re just Evan. And I really like just Evan. I’m sorry.” Tears were running down K’s cheeks. “I’m really sorry. But please come back and be just Evan like you always were because I miss you. And I miss us. Jammer’s right. We’re not us without you. But—but it’s not just that you coming back would make our lives better. I—you deserve to just exist anyway. Even if it made nothing better. ‘Cause you’re—you’re just good, Evan. And you existing even with nothing else around is just good. Please come back.”

Evan looked away. “You always have to save me.”

“You’ve saved us before,” Sam said. “And even if it was always us saving you and never the other way around we’d still want to do it because we’d rather have you than—I guess the—the time we’d’ve saved? The energy?”

“Easy trade, dog,” Jammer agreed. “We’d always choose you.”

“That’s what family does,” K said. “Choose each other.”

“What if it was your lives?” Evan asked. “I could never ask you to give your lives for me. I—I wouldn’t want you to.”

“Because you love us! And we’d want to give our lives because we love you!” Jammer shouted. “That’s why it’s ‘family on six,’ dog! That’s why we say it! Because we’re fighting for family! Do—do you think we’re playing over here? Do you think we’re straight-up lying to you, dog?”

Evan swallowed. “No.”

“Then what? Do you think you know better than us what’s good for us? We’re saying you’re good for us! We need you on the team, so come be on the team!” 

“I’m really sorry, Evan,” Sam said suddenly.

Evan’s head snapped around to stare at her. “You don’t have to be sorry, Sam,” he said.

“But I do, though. I—I think we left you behind. I think—I think we all had something to go towards and you didn’t and we didn’t think to take you with us. Jammer went to do college and K went to do their Itsy Bitsy Spider stuff and I went to do Britain’s Got Magic and you… stayed. You worked at Gowpenny until magic broke and then you were working with Dr. B to fix magic, and… I should’ve done more for you. I should’ve invited you to come live with me and be on the show, or—or maybe you wouldn’t’ve liked being on the show, but you could’ve been part of the crew. I should’ve asked you to come be part of it. I—I shouldn’t’ve left you alone, Evan, and I’m sorry.” Sam was crying now. “I think because you were alone so long and then you had us and then you were alone again you think ‘us’ is temporary but it’s not, Evan. Us is forever because family’s forever and you’re family.”

“It’ll be different. I promise,” K told Evan. “I promise. I won’t try to fix you or change you or anything ever again. I just want you back.”

“What if it’s all bad?” Evan choked out.

“It’s pretty bad now,” Sam said. “I mean… you’re dead. I think we’d all rather things were bad with you than bad without you. One bad is better than two bads.”

And Evan embraced Sam, and he was there, arm and all, and Jammer hugged them both, and after only a moment’s hesitation, K joined the group hug too.

“I love you guys,” Evan said, his voice muffled and watery.

“We love you too,” Jammer replied.

“Love you too,” K echoed.

Sam squeezed Evan even tighter. “Of course we love you.”

[im-out-of-it]

making a complete list of my thoughts of the show vs books since I finished it and will probably leave some stuff out since I’m super forgetful, sorry 💀

1. once again love that they upped the ages. glad we didn’t have centuries year old Magnus chasing teenager Alec or all the other inappropriate relationships in the books

2. Malec is fucking perfect on the show and it really showed that if any actually cares about them, they can make the characters much better and give the characters a better shot than the author ever did. I seriously love all the details Matt, Harry, and whoever wrote their episodes did. only one I cannot stand is when Alec doesn’t realize right away that Magnus and valentine switched bodies. but alec handled the immortality thing wayyyyyy better than book Alec ever could. book Alec (and pretty much TMI content and etc) barely exists let’s be real

3. Izzy and Simon are way too rushed in the series but at least they have more do a friendship and there’s no cheating storyline. but I kinda like Maia and Simon together. I feel that Maia understood Simon.

adding: I don’t mind Simon and clary in the show dating and the way they end things is not as harsh as it is in the books. maybe clary (I’m being kind lmao) actually cares about Simon in the show but still kinda uses him at times

4. might be the only thing I’ll say about the books that’s nice but it would’ve been cute to see the vacation storyline (eldest curses) in the show. would’ve been cute to see a Malec holiday and moving towards them having children 🥹

5. Maia doesn’t get enough credit. she’s one of the few sensible people on the show and gets more attention than book Maia ever did

6. speaking of Maia, I’m glad they didn’t go too extreme with the Jordan plot. in the books, I think she was made to feel to get over how Jordan treated her. but man, why does the actor have to be attractive 😭

7. I really like Maryse and Luke together. they fit each other quite well. Maryse has some of the best development in the show and I loved seeing her grow

8. glad Jocelyn was killed off. she was more insufferable in the books so glad the show decided they didn’t need that energy

9. Jace and clary are both clearly insufferable but it’s worse in the books. I feel like in the show they’re still pretty bad but it’s a little tamed

10. Alec deserved better than jace. dude had the audacity to act as though Alec is a fling, expected Alec at his beck and call to do whatever he wanted while not understanding or caring about Alec’s feelings and his needs, practically invites himself at Magnus’s place while being the worst roommate, and then taking for granted all the people who sacrificed (MAGNUS AND HIS MAGIC LITERALLY THIS LOVELY MAN LOSES HIS MAGIC AND HIS HOME AND HIS MIND) once again to help his worthless ass

11. wish they wouldn’t have killed ragnor off. we got to see a lot of vampires and wolves but not a lot of warlocks. would’ve been great to see more of Magnus’s friends. you could seriously make a whole show based off on Magnus and his life

12. kinda wish they kept camille around. I know she was drama for malec in the beginning but she’s still a very fascinating character

13. I’m 100% thankful for the show not following the books and creating their own world

14. I would’ve loved to see more of the alternate universe episodes. one of the best episodes

15. ALL THE MALEC PARALLELS. these two beautiful and desperately, devoted, in love with one another men are seriously the best part of the show 😭 the fact that there are no cheating stories (when Alec is all drunk, underhill is flirting and all Alec can talk about is Magnus. Magnus defies bisexual stereotypes when dot tries to kiss him.), no taking away immortality or throwing fits or bierasure, or any toxic storylines is one of my fav things about Malec. they’re just two beings who are so in love with one another, who communicate, and are just completely devoted to each other. and it’s one of the reasons why everyone was so hooked on Malec. they’re healthy but you’re also excitedly rooting for them 🫶🏼

16. Clary deserved to lose her ability with runes. the angels message was to not use her rune ability for whatever she pleased but she took advantage of it. but I will say, some helped but I feel that the rest she just used because she didn’t care

17. season three breakup wrecked me and I’ll not emotionally recover from that. it breaks my heart seeing Alec break his own heart and Magnus’s all so Magnus can have his magic and be whole again. I’m so glad they got married in the end 💓

18. I’m glad the twinning rune went to clary instead of jace because how many times does this worthless fucker need saved????? SERIOUSLY HOW MANY

19. I think Magnus recognizing what Alec needs at the beginning when they meet is beautiful. I don’t think it’s creepy (as some book fans state.) and it shows that Magnus understands that Alec is not ready to be out. I’m glad Magnus doesn’t get shitty with Alec on not being out like he does in the books

20. also book vs show thing. I actually like the whole marrying Lydia plot. I get the whole grand gesture of kissing in wherever they were- sanctuary???? (y’all cannot pay me enough to read TMI again, I will not go through that torture again) but I really hate that it’s not even in Alec or Magnus’s pov. CC makes a point of giving characters she chooses to have unnecessary pov

21. I probably forgot something but I mainly skipped all the clace content that didn’t involve Alec or Magnus but otherwise, messy show but so amazing for the Malec content. Izzy, Maia, Raphael, and Simon are a bonus as well. I’m just saying that the show could’ve been a whole lot worse lmao

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

So, here are my unsolicited opinions on season 3:

1. They mentioned that there was a Polin sex montage at some point… didn’t they? If that ever existed, they should’ve 100% put it in after their marriage because literally everything post wedding was just so angsty… I’m displeased with the fact that any time Polin would think back to their wedding night they’d just remember that for days they just slept apart and that’s just so heartbreaking 💔 I get that the angst was for a reason and all, but it still would’ve been nice to just see the addition of them being super intimate post-marriage but pre-epilogue… even just then cuddling and waking up in bed together all happy could’ve done it

2. They did Cressida waaaay too dirty, like why did you bother developing her character and thennnnnn ruin her life anyway?? Should’ve just let her stay a villain with no nuance like in the past if this is how you wanted it to end for her - and that could’ve also afforded some more screen time for Polin too - Why bother showing us her plight, and her frankly justifiable actions to try and take care of herself when no one else would, and then say haha sorry but for pen to win you have to lose and there’s just nothing else we can do about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m sorry but there really could have been SO MUCH MORE to it, could’ve let Eloise or Pen be the bigger person and recognize where Cressida comes from and actually help her in some way idk man that one just did nottttt sit right with me at all

Other than those 2 issues I have with this season,

I do think everything else was well written and that the season was also impeccably and masterfully acted out 🙌🏼

🥺 The Portia and Pen storyline really tugged at my heartstrings and in the end so did Eloise and Pen’s storyline

It is a bit telling that somehow those side plots left a bigger impression on me than joyous Polin though. I was MUCH happier with the vibe of the first 4 episodes in that sense

At the end of part 1 my head was only POLIN - just an absolute brain rot - but at the end of part 2 all I remembered were the side plots like Portia and Eloise

Only a billion more rewatches will really help me form a final opinion on this full season I guess

But for now, other than the 2 things up top,

I am PLEASED and GRATEFUL to have seen this season of Bridgerton and the final Polin HEA 🙏🏼 🙌🏼🥹

[heeheesang]

ʂƚɾαɳɠҽɾ ∂αɳɠҽɾ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

six -> the meet.

“ynnie!” riki yelled as he bursted through the doors of our recording studio. he opened his arms wide and lifted me to the air as we laughed and hugged, “hello to you too, riks.” soon enough, the other two caught up with the younger one and i bowed, “hello.” i greeted as they smiled at me. i held eye contact with jungwon as i can’t help but be reminded of the night we met again.

“so… where do we wait..?” jay asked and i snapped out of my trance, awkwardly laughing off the fact that i was staring at jungwon and he was staring right back at me. i led them to the judge seating area as i ran backstage, meeting my members before the show started.

“yn unnie, good luck..! i know how stressed you are about this especially since you’re first seat and you feel pressured… so i made you a little flower! judgement is in two more episodes, two weeks, so this is a good luck flower!” the group’s youngest member, eunseo, hugged me as she wrapped a flower bracelet made of paper on my wrist.

i smiled and thanked her before we had to go up on stage, hearing the fans yell our names as we started our first performance, ‘dalla dalla’ by itzy. in front of us were the judges and riki kept making funny faces to get me to break character on stage but i just held it in until we finished the song. there were a few parts where i slipped because of the wet stage but it wasn’t so bad.

“hello, we are team ‘dalla’. i’m elle, leader of the group and these are my members. hyewon, eunseo, wonbyul and yn.” elle introduced us as we bowed and greeted the other groups along with the judges.

“hello to all of you. that was an amazing performance… i must say, your vocals are stable even though the dance was pretty challenging..” the male judge said as we thanked with bright smiles. “let’s see what our special judges think of it… our special judges, jungwon, jay and ni-ki..!” the fans in the crowd yelled for them as they introduced themselves.

“i think they did very well, they carried out the steps smoothly.” jay smiled widely at elle as elle went crazy on stage, turnimg around just so she could giggle it all out. “i agree with jay hyung… the co-ordination is crazy, everyone was on time with the steps.” riki stated, smiling as he did a thumbs up.

last person to make a remark was jungwon. we all turned to face him but my face heated up when i caught his stare on me, the camera even caught that. “sorry, i was looking at the backdrop.” he lied and smiled directly at me, a slight blush creeping onto my cheeks as i looked away.

“overall, the dance was perfect. hyewon’s and wonbyul’s raps were great even though you have a high pitch. elle’s and eunseo’s dance were perfect, and yn was… perfect.” jungwon gave his input as my eyes widened, perfect in what way? don’t make me panic.

“ah.. i mean, yn’s vocals were really great and her dance was almost perfect. the slippery stage made it hard for her— for them, to dance well. but overall, she— they were all equally good, even better than i am.” jungwon continued as he smiled and rubbed the back of his neck, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“thank you, enhypen sunbae.” we thanked as we got off stage and took in our deep breaths, hugging each other as we all cheered at our positive remarks. “yn unnie, you and jungwon sunbae hm?” hyewom teased as they all poked my sides, “we’re just friends.. don’t be weird!” i replied as a few knocks were soon heard on our door. i excused myself from the hug as i ran to the door and opened it.

“hey,” the tall brunette greeted me as he towered over me, smiling down at me before greeting my groupmates. “hey..? anything wrong..?” i asked as i closed the door behind me and the gap between us was closed, almost non existant. “first, i’m sorry if how i acted earlier was weird.” jungwon admitted as i chuckled, “there’s nothimg weird about being my fanboy..!” i joked as we both laughed.

“secondly! riki told me it’s your second last episode, second last week before the final ranking so… i got you a little something.” he continued as he dug in the back of his pocket, taking out a bracelet.

“a little good luck charm. i have one too.” jungwon said as he lifted up his sleeve to reveal the bracelet i had made for him back in college, “you… still keep it?” he nodded, “call me toxic for keeping it or whatever but this, this is my good luck charm.” he took my hand and tied the bracelet around my wrist, smiling as i admired the bracelet.

“thanks. for, all this. i appreciate all this… maybe we could have dinner soon? after my final ranking?” i asked as i fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist, the thought of him still keeping the bracelet i made him made the smile on my face permenant.

“of course, anyday ynnie. i have to go now, goodluck for your next show..! i’ll be watching,” he puts his hand up for a hand shake but i chuckled and pulled him close to me, hugging him tightly before going back in.

what a day.

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taglist! @rosas-in-the-garden @ilikekpop-c @aloloveswonie @jwonistic @drunkhee @h4918ymc @huieeee @xiaoderrrr @ilovejungwonandhaechan @yourssincerely-mimi @n1k1mura @nnana2

hhs’s notes! sorry i’m so sorry for the long wait😭 i’ve been super busy with intern lately and i apologise😭 how are you guys? i hope you’re all doing well and taking good care of yourselves🤍 i hooe this chapter wasn’t confusing… yang jungwon finally making moves!! 💪🔥 my boy frl HAHAHHAA🥹🥹 thank you for reading and enjoying this chapter! next chapter will probably come out on tuesday or tomorrow if i have time!! thank you all i love you all mwahs! 💗💗

[writtenontheport]

Lockwood falling in love with the type three ghost of a girl.

That's it.

That's the ask.

The Haunted Boy and His Ghostly Girlfriend

Prologue

(pt. 1) (pt. 2)

Anthony Lockwood x fem reader

Warnings/Tags: Reader is in this for like 2 paragraphs, Romcom 😭, Ik you gave me angst but everything I touch turns romcom I’m so sorry, George gets mad at Lockwood for a bit, Old people clients, mentions of death, Reader is literally a fucking ghost 😭, please tell me if there’s anything I forgot to tag

Notes: I absolutely adored this request omfg. When I saw it, I just KNEW I had to write it omg. This is— this needs to be multipart I’m so sorry. I can’t get it out of my head that he’ll have a little ghostly girlfriend PLEASE ITS SO CUTE IN MY HEAD. Also; very badly edited!! I was exhausted when I first posted this and am still currently combing through it for errors.

Summary: It starts, as all things do here: with a meetcute, the undead, and maybe a bit of tomfoolery. It goes, as it almost never does, with meeting the undead love of his life. What a big day for Anthony Lockwood.

Word Count: 1.5k+

Lockwood is staring into the eyes of the most breathtaking girl he has ever seen, and she isn’t even alive anymore. The girl looks as she probably did when she was alive; a beautiful face with only the most kissable lips he has ever seen in his life, not that he ever could kiss her. He should be calling for Lucy and George— yelling for them to tell them he’s found their ghost, but instead…

“Hi,” He says, clearing his throat, “I’m Anthony. Anthony Lockwood of Lockwood and co. You’re a ghost.”

He winces when your frown deepens, and feels bad immediately for blurting that out. Before he can apologize, he sees you mouthing something and realizes quite late that he does in fact need Lucy and George here to be able to talk to you.

“I can’t really hear you, sorry. I have… my friend can though. Just a second—“

Before we can go forward, we have to go back a little to just before this began. So let’s start with a fact: even with Skull being able to talk with Lucy, Lockwood still had his reservations on type threes. Type ones and type twos were the predictable result of certain situations— murders, death by illness, accidents, and all the “good” things that made the visitors more likely to visit. Type threes? It took the literal manifestation of the actual thing for him to even accept they existed. Suffice to say, Lockwood didn’t think he could ever fully warm up to the idea of a ghost he couldn’t understand.

Then one day, a case comes to him with a rather peculiar situation. The living don’t often find themselves attached to the undead, especially ones with no relation to them. The Thistlebrows prove to be an exception. The case? Their family ghost is lonely now that their granddaughter’s been sent away.

Lucy and George have stepped out for supplies when the old Thistlebrow couple stops by, so he takes them to the sitting room and prepares them tea. From the first word that comes out of them, Lockwood thinks he’s having some sort of hallucinogenic episode.

That’s more of an exaggeration actually as it seemed reasonably normal at first; strong presence, solid apparition visible enough that even in their old age they could see wisps of it lurking. Nothing more than a stubborn spectre, he was sure. Then—

“It’s an old house,” Mrs. Thistlebrow croons, sipping her cup of tea. “We’ve only lived in it for a few years, and we doubt we’ll be able to keep her company for much longer.”

“I’m sorry?” Lockwood asks, genuinely confused. He was sure he must have misheard them, before Mr. Thistlebrow spoke.

“We don’t know where she is, really, nor have we ever fully seen her… but our granddaughter is taken with her. We thought at first she just had an imaginary friend, but then…” He pulls out a polaroid.

There was nothing in the photo worth noting— a pair of shoes on the windowsill of an open window. The flash of the camera didn’t illuminate past the frame, but that was expected for a photo taken so late. He keeps a patient smile on his face, but he nods slowly with his brow furrowed in worry.

“The window was locked when we left the room. It’s too tall for our granddaughter to reach, and nothing was moved before or after this picture was taken— at least not by the living. Our granddaughter had asked her to open it to prove to us she was real, and the ghost left her shoes on the windowsill to hammer it in.” He leaves the photo in front of Lockwood, pulling back into the seat.

Lockwood’s brow scrunches in confusion as the gears turn in his head. Many type twos form apparitions, but poltergeists do not. Incidentally, only poltergeists can interact with heavy objects and the window certainly wouldn’t have been light. It looked to be a thick pane of glass with a metal on wood frame, pushed open farther than a stray breeze could push it.

“How old is your granddaughter?” He asks, his own voice distant to him. The photo makes something in him itch to solve the case.

“Just turned 7,” Mrs. Thistlebrow says with a click of her tongue, bringing a hand up to her wrinkly cheek. “Her parents sent off abroad when they realised she had Talent; didn’t want her having anything to do with the Problem. Heart broken, she was. The ghost was her first best friend.”

The Thistlebrows look genuinely devastated at that, and Lockwood bites back an incredulous frown. Oh the story he has for Lucy and George when they come back, absolutely mental it all is.

“We know this might be a lot to ask, but we’ll pay you as much as you need to keep the ghost company. Our granddaughter was so devastated knowing the poor girl would be lonely without her, and we certainly couldn’t talk to her no matter how much we tried.” Mr. Thistlebrow picks an envelope from his suit pocket, and slides it across the table to Lockwood. It’s a thick thing with obviously quite a bit of cash, and a cheque is peeking out from where the lip has opened.

Now, he could absolutely refuse the case. The agency was stable and the cases they have lined up were far less troublesome than finding and keeping another possible type-three ghost; George would even call him stupid for not refusing it right away, but…

“We’ll do it. You both have nothing to worry about,” He says instead, reassuring as he can be as he pulls on the lapels of his jacket. Mr. and Mrs. Thistlebrow’s faces split into smiles, and Lockwood can’t find it in him to regret his decision.

“—And you took the case?” George says, all but yelling as he leans over the table to stare wide-eyed at Lockwood. Lucy’s frozen in her seat, her pen still on the thinking cloth.

“I authenticated the money, and they offered to meet us at the house as soon as we can if there were any more issues with compensation.” He takes a spoonful of supper, and hums in delight. “You’ve really outdone yourself today, George.”

“That’s not the problem, Lockwood,” George hisses, always so dour. He doesn’t settle down into his seat, even going so far as to cross his arms in disapproval. Still, he mumbles out a quiet ‘thank you’.

“Did they say anything else?” Lucy finally speaks up, her eyes still on the thinking cloth. It’s good she’s at least started doodling again, so Lockwood manages to look back up at both of them (which is very hard when George is glaring at him so severely).

“Their granddaughter’s name is Pepper, thought it might help us if we pretended to be her friends at least. It…” He pauses, tapping his spoon against his supper as he thinks of the right way to say it, “As far as they know, it isn’t aggressive and seems cooperative. They even— actually, wait.”

He pulls out the polaroid from his inner pocket, looking it over (even though he knows nothing would have changed) before sliding it to the center of the table. Lucy and George both lean in to have a look, coming back to stare at him in confusion.

“It was able to unlock and push the window open, then left the girl’s shoes on the windowsill to further prove it existed. Not only that, but both the Thistlebrows have said it is a rather heavy window too high up for their granddaughter to reach.” He takes another bite of his dinner, watching their expressions morph.

“But they said it had an apparition?” George asks first, seeming on the edge of worried and heavily intrigued. “Spectres can’t interact with heavy objects, but poltergeists can’t have apparitions. This ghost can’t exist unless it really was…”

Lucy is deep in deliberation as her eyes flit to somewhere out of the kitchen; the skull, Lockwood realizes quickly. “If this is a type three… and it was cooperative…”

A pregnant pause fills the room, only the ticking of a faraway clock echoing about the walls. George settles into his seat with a sigh, finally picking up his utensils. Lucy, rests her hands in her lap. They all look up and at each other, waiting for a beat, before falling into a quiet supper. They were definitely going to have to see this through now.

So here Lockwood finds himself in front of the house that starts and ends it all; that houses what might just be the strangest thing to happen in his haunted life. He meets you in a flurry of strange things— through a polaroid of an open window, a ghost goose case, and then meeting the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen— before he finds himself asking:

“Would you like to come home with us?”

You nod quickly in surprise, your eyes shining in mirth and other-light. He doesn’t even need Lucy to translate that as anything but a firm ‘yes’.

A/N: Everything I touch… turns to romcoms… I am like King Midas of romcoms PLEASE.

Also! Starting a silly taglist, just somehow reach out if you’d like to be added!!

Taglist 🏷️

@tangledinlove

[indieyuugure]

What is your opinion on the Mutant apocalypse thing of 2k12?

I think they did Leo dirty with that design.

Also, the fact that Donnie gave up his body for a mechanical one has SO MUCH ANGST POTENTIAL. Like, did he do it so Raph doesn’t have to look after him now that he doesn’t take resources like water or food? Was his body that damaged that there wasn’t any other way? Does Raph sometimes asks himself if that’s the real Donnie or just a copy of his brother?

Oh gosh. Mutant Apocalypse…

Look, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everything but I absolutely hate the 2012 Mutant Apocalypse episode/movie thing!

I personally think the 2012 series as a whole is made worse by that episode just existing. I literally HATE the design for Leo(who’s my favorite turtle across all series) and the plot only makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard.

The only design I genuinely liked was Donnie’s. I thought that was actually a really cool concept and I’m a total sucker for robots :] (I think Donnie explains to Mikey that he did it because his body was so badly damaged or deteriorating from the mutagen that it was the only thing he could do to stay alive.)

I feel like they just really screwed the whole thing up in too many ways. Like it’s a cool concept, and many other TMNT shows/comics/movies have done something similar, I just feel like it’s yet another example of a cool idea that they very poorly executed.

The only thing I’ve liked that came from it so far is @somerandomdudelmao’s Duck Tape AU. I really like their designs and I think they’ve done a good job figuring out what’s good about it, stripping it down to just that and then building it back the way it should’ve been.

Sorry if you thought it was a cool episode, this is just my opinion. :\

[rxttenfish]

Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series

I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened

sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.

as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.

for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.

no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.

this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.

to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.

(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)

all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.

montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.

yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.

and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.

which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.

but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.

and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.

but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.

this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.

the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.

this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.

like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.

but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.

even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.

the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.

this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.

stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.

which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.

if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.

and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.

more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.

[glasskey]

Nick & June's Mix tape Vol. 1

Today I’m going to be sharing some of my favorite Nick and June tracks that have us all hitting rewind over and over and over and over……..after all, who doesn’t love a good mix tape?

Oranges & Tuna

This is the first time we meet Nick but given June’s familiarity, it’s not the first time she has. In Atwood’s text, Nick sounds like a bit of alright and the POV camera shot when June comes down the stairs IS a touch pervy.

Nick’s working with his sleeves rolled up, sweating and judging by the wanton looks it seems June’s in no particular rush to go shopping. She also seems to know quite a bit about him already, including the fact that he’s single. In her head, June’s already inviting Nick down to the oyster house bar for a drink, a subtle reference to a well-known aphrodisiac. It takes all of 10 seconds for Nick to start flirting with her, by telling June a gag about not being a pescatarian. It’s a fact which June purposefully ignores, in order to return his flirtation, and that’s it, that’s all it takes…..Nick’s fucked.

Throughout the next few episodes we see that Nick can neither believe nor resist June’s audacity. Nick knows he should say something when he sees her legs uncovered but he says nothing and simply stares. The sound of the lid closing on the box in front of him is like a trap snapping shut.

He can’t resist standing waaaaay too close and stroking her hand when he brings her ice, the heat is palpable. Nick now knows he’s in serious trouble and June is left reeling. Throughout season 1 these two are constantly measuring and testing each-others boundaries, but honestly from the second Nick told his tuna fish gag, he may as well have waved a white flag.

You shouldn’t wear anything for me

Sweet mother of Mercy. Apparently the sight of June’s naked body has turned Nick Blaine into the master of the double entendre overnight. Season 1 sees Nick pulling the jokes out left and right, first with the tuna fish gag and now this. Nick can hardly keep a straight face as he delivers it and June barely stifles a chuckle. This casual comment is not only a statement about June never changing her appearance to please him, but also one about how desirable he finds her, naked and unmanicured.

This is also the first time we see these two perform their infamous hand brushing and it’s literally breathtaking for the both of them. It’s a moment steeped in danger, electricity and passion, as you sense them both recalling their previous night together. Glowing lights seem to follow these two around like a spell, and as they intertwine their fingers a luminous orb appears between their hands.

I’d like to say that June ever stood a chance at resisting the foxy driver’s charms but I’d be lying. He’s hot AF, lives less than 200 feet away and flirts with her shamelessly, this was all a done deal long ago. In Atwood’s text, these two can barely keep their hands off each other and Nick is described as absolutely fascinated with her. Not surprisingly then, this scene is closely followed by a knee trembling, face melting kiss that sends June straight from “it can never happen again, sorry Nick” to a dazed mess spelling saucy words during her scrabble game.

Is This It?

Nick thinks that breaking up with June is going to be simple, in fact he seems to think he won’t need to explain himself at all. June is having none of it, this is her one small ray of light in an otherwise dismal existence so Nick had better have a good reason.

He does, he’s already seen one handmaid die and he’s starting to get seriously attached to the new one. Seeing June on the wall just because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself is more than he could bear. This is Nick doing Nick: keep your head down, step aside, stay out of trouble and keep your mouth shut.

June rightfully calls him on his shit, accusing him of being a coward who wants only to be Fred’s whipping boy for the rest of his life. How could he want to live such a small life? It’s a gut punch that leaves Blaine looking suitably ashamed.

Their individual attitudes to “ending up on the wall” speak volumes about who these two are at heart. To June death is everywhere, living in terror isn’t living and the reward is worth the risk. Nick is a survivor, sacrifice for duty and self-preservation is second nature, a small life is better than no life at all. Unfortunately for Nick, his aspirations for a life half lived died the moment he met June Osborne. Before I get into Nick and June volume 2, I’ve got volume 1 of the Lawrence and June mix up next. Back soon.

[rebeccadumaurier]

will martha wells dare to imagine the end of capitalism? and other thoughts on system collapse (and the rest of the murderbot diaries)

I'm writing this post because the wait for System Collapse is killing me and I need something to do. These are not so much predictions of specific, concrete events—I am terrible at predictions and bad with plot—so much as exploring existing thematic arcs in the series and tracing them to what I think are their natural ends. (Also, this post uses "bot" and "construct" interchangeably because I'm lazy. Sorry, MB.)

Some points I think the rest of the series (SC and onwards) may hit on:

Further development, and let's say "stress testing," of ART and Murderbot's relationship, and bot/construct relationships in general

Every day I go insane about this conversation MB has with ART early in Artificial Condition, which is not very subtle foreshadowing:

[ART said], My crew always considers me trustworthy. I shouldn’t have let it watch all those episodes of Worldhoppers. “I’m not your crew. I’m not a human. I’m a construct. Constructs and bots can’t trust each other.” It was quiet for ten precious seconds, though I could tell from the spike in its feed activity it was doing something. I realized it must be searching its databases, looking for a way to refute my statement. Then it said, Why not? I had spent so much time pretending to be patient with humans asking stupid questions. I should have more self-control than this. “Because we both have to follow human orders. A human could tell you to purge my memory. A human could tell me to destroy your systems.” I thought it would argue that I couldn’t possibly hurt it, which would derail the whole conversation. But it said, There are no humans here now.

But in the future there will be humans who could tell ART to do something undesirable to MB (technically, NE already did this to some extent, but it didn't fully address the issue). Artificial Condition in fact explicitly notes ART doesn't have a refutation to that particular argument, and that's why they can't trust each other. We get some initial glimpses in Network Effect of this—ART makes its own decision to save Murderbot, and thankfully its crew agrees with the plan, but we can't expect ART and its crew to be in agreement forever.

Frankly, a lot of ART's plans seem to rely on either (1) its humans / the people in charge of it agreeing with it or (2) them not being around to disagree, which is going to be a problem sooner or later, especially as Murderbot's view of humans is not as ... positive as ART's. Network Effect dances around this problem because both the Preservation people and ART's crew are good people who largely support ART and MB in their decisions, but I don't think that will always be the case.

(Side note: I am once again thinking of Murderbot's surprise that Don Abene allowed Miki to override her orders in Rogue Protocol, and the bot spectrum of "cannot disobey orders literally ever" (like SecUnits) to "can disobey orders in the right circumstances" (like Miki) to "can mostly just do whatever but ultimately bots still have their programming" and how MB views ART's place on that spectrum. Also I am once again begging Murderbot to please reflect more on Miki's death, but given its current level of emotional repression, I am not optimistic about this.)

Leading me to my next point—

The question of ownership, independence, and property in the Murderbot universe

As Murderbot has mentioned various times, the people of Preservation call themselves "guardians" of bots rather than owners, but it's still very much ownership (and MB is right to point this out and express discomfort about it). MB knows it's fortunate that its owner—sorry, guardian, Mensah, allows it a ton of freedom, but legally, MB is still Mensah's property. Mensah's approach is a single, individual band-aid in that it may (for now) allow MB to live a life more or less of its choosing, but it doesn't address the larger systematic issue that actually, owning these bots is fucked up and many people exploit the bots they own, including people who think that they're already being incredibly generous and goodhearted simply by not abusing bots. (I'd need to go back and review, but I got the latter vibe from many of the Preservation bot owners in Fugitive Telemetry.)

Martha Wells seems like she will address this larger issue later. I don't know how, but I'm sure "Murderbot gets dragged into it and has to *gasp* talk about its feelings" will happen somehow, since that recurs frequently.

What healing from trauma looks like for a bot/construct

Dr. Bharadwaj has already suggested that Murderbot could use therapy ("trauma treatment" but like ... sounds like it's therapy combined with some other self care / community care strategies), and Murderbot is not subtle about its whole "I have been through many horrific things but I will pretend it's totally fine and not a big deal" coping strategy. I'd be interested to see what role ART plays in this—it's quite scarred from the events of Network Effect, will need to heal, and is unlikely to do the "yeah whatever that's just what my life is like" strategy MB adopted, because that's not what its life is like.

(Side note: in NE, MB says being taken over by targetControlSystem "would be like having a governor module again. No, not again. Never again." To MB, the loss of control ART experienced is similar to what MB's life was like every day until it hacked its module. I'M SO. 😭)

But therapy for a bot would look very different from therapy for a human, and I'm doubtful there's any therapists out there equipped to handle it. The "nicest" humans, if you will, seem to be the PreservationAux citizens, and they still have a long way to go on their understanding of bots. Also, much like in real life, therapy is not a cure-all for everything and there's a lot of terrible therapists, issues with psychiatry, etc. I will not get into—so I'm not actually saying that Bhadwaraj's idea of "trauma treatment" is the specific route MB will take to heal, I'm just curious what it's gonna take to get it to open up and be willingly emotionally vulnerable.

Who is Murderbot outside its day job? (aka its hypercompetence with regard to security)

One of Murderbot's defining traits is that it's an incredibly competent person, even when (often especially when) surrounded by much less competent people. The Goodreads blurb for System Collapse implies this won't always be the case:

But there’s something wrong with Murderbot; it isn’t running within normal operational parameters. ART’s crew and the humans from Preservation are doing everything they can to protect the colonists, but with Barish-Estranza’s SecUnit-heavy persuasion teams, they’re going to have to hope Murderbot figures out what’s wrong with itself, and fast!

My first reaction is: "hey, why is Murderbot the only one who has to figure that out?!" (Not that I think ART or the humans are jerks who don't care about its problems or don't want to help; I think Murderbot has trouble asking for help or even imagining people want to help it, e.g. its assumption in NE everyone just left it behind to die when it was captured.) The inherent question with characters who define themselves through their hypercompetence at something is: who do they become when they can no longer rely on that? (For example, who is a star athlete when they get a permanent injury? Who is a brilliant painter when they go blind? etc.)

ART already had to grapple with that to some extent when it lost control of itself in NE and couldn't rely on itself or its crew, so it resorted to kidnapping MB to fix the problem. But that doesn't deal with the larger identity crisis / struggle for self-definition at play, which is essentially: Who is Murderbot when it's not useful, when it's not able to do what it was created to do?

Speaking of which, this is very relevant to my title question—

Will we see Martha Wells envision the end of capitalism???

The Murderbot Diaries is the story of a single bot and its friends / enemies / etc., and I'm perfectly happy if it stays that way and focuses on MB's internal journey. But Martha Wells seems like an ambitious enough author to imagine wider solutions to the problems that plague the Murderbot universe, which is namely that corporations are evil. If corporations were not so evil, we wouldn't have our corporation-hating traumatized-by-corporations created-by-a-corporation-and-struggling-with-it protagonist. There's indentured servants in Rogue Protocol. There is literally a space version of the Underground Railroad in Fugitive Telemetry. It is impossible to understand this series without understanding that it is a very, very vicious critique of capitalism, and without this critique laying out its foundations, we would not have most of its characters, including Murderbot itself. Preservation is already a first step in that it seems to be some sort of utopian commune devoid of corporations or privatization—which is a huge step in itself, that Wells envisions a world devoid of capitalism—but it's one small (and still imperfect, re: earlier discussion of treatment of bots) planet in a large, dysfunctional universe.

So far the series has been Murderbot dealing with individual evil corporations (GrayCris, Barish-Estranza, etc), but mainly in the context of one crisis at a time, with regard to saving only its friends / clients. (It's fine with leaving Eletra to Barish-Estranza in NE, for example.) I do not think Murderbot will singlehandedly destroy capitalism or that its goal is to do so—it's not a fix-everything save-everyone hero, no one is, one of the points of the series is that you should not attempt everything alone—but this series has done plenty of exploration of the evils of capitalism; I would like to see Martha Wells explore how we could end it.

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

Decisions, Decisions

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Notes - If this is ooc or some things are wrong I’m sorry! I literally know nothing about tlou other than what I’ve seen from episode one.

Prompt - ‘Sometimes you make the wrong decision and that leads you to the right decision.’

The thing about the end of the world is that nobody expected it. Sure it was a thing everyone knew would happen one day, one of the many, indisputable facts of life, but nobody ever thought it would happen to them. When people pictured the end of the world it was usually a wave of fire and panic before nothing, everyone expected nothingness at the end of the world.

So when the world did end on some random day in September people didn’t realise it for what it was, not yet. There was no end worlding bang, no thing in the sky falling down to destroy everything.

There was panic though, God was there panic. Every person was consumed by that panic, that fear of what was happening, so consumed that they couldn’t think past it, couldn’t think about whether there was a future after this.

It was the end of the damned world and yet the world stayed standing.

There was fire, a lot of fire, cities, houses, cars and planes went up in flames, smoke spreading fast and thick until people struggled to breathe through it. There was screaming too, people lay on the ground screaming as the dead bit into them, people screamed as they ran from the dead who moved too quick, people screamed as the military raised their weapons and shot them just because they had been ordered to.

The world stayed standing but everything else ended.

Communications had long since stopped working, if you were alone when it happened then you were alone for good…at least for a while. If you were one of the lucky ones you kept yourself safe until you could get taken in by the official quarantine zones. If you weren’t lucky then the dead would make quick but painful work of you.

Those were the two kinds of people nowadays, the lucky and the unlucky, the dead and the survivors.

Then there was you.

You weren’t lucky, you weren’t a survivor. When the world ended you had panicked along with everyone else. You were alone in Texas, it hadn’t even been a month since you moved out there for some job you had sworn was going to change your life.

You had no idea how you survived as long as you had, months into the outbreak or whatever this thing was, you were tired. The panic still existed, it consumed your every waking minute, you paused before turning a corner, held your breath at a creak in the house. You were trying to make your way to one of the safety points the government had set up, the ones closest to you all filled and your feet ached as every car you passed failed to work.

You were tired. Tired of fighting, tired of being scared, tired of being alone, you were tired of being tired.

So when you left a house you had spent the night in and heard a noise to your right you knew you had a split second to make your decision. Did you want to die? No, of course you didn’t, the answer came to you straight away but then so did the next question; did you want to live?

The answer didn’t come to you so clearly this time. You didn’t want to die but what was there to live for anymore. This was the world now, no hope, no cures, nothing. Why would anyone want to live in this world? It wasn’t living anymore, it was surviving one day just to survive the next.

And that was your answer wasn’t it, there was nothing to live for so why were you still fighting?

You saw it coming for you out of the corner of your eyes before you scrunched them shut, bracing yourself for the pain and hoped it would be quick. You felt its hand grab you before it went limp and fell to the floor and you let out a shuddering breath as your eyes flew open and down to the ground before turning to look around.

You weren’t lucky, you weren’t a survivor; you were something else. You were saved, saved by a man who looked as tired as you were, saved by a man who look like he was carrying a hefty weight on his shoulders, a man who scowled and shook his head as he snapped at you, asking what the hell you were thinking.

As he stepped closer to you your mind began running at a mile a minute. The main thing you felt was relief, thankful this man had made a decision for you, thankful he hadn’t left your fate up to you.

When he was close enough you didn’t even think, you couldn’t think properly, instead you threw your arms around him and hugged yourself to his chest. The man let out a small huff as he went tense in your arms before he sighed and wrapped your shaking figure in his arms.

“You’re ok.” He told you, his voice was gruff as he spoke and you couldn’t stop the sob that left you, one of the man’s hands lifting to cup the back of your head.

It had been so long since you had spoken to another person, you didn’t know who to trust these days but months of isolation were bound to make you just a little bit desperate for human contact.

“Sorry,” you said as you pulled away, voice croaky from not speaking for so long. “Sorry, I um, thank you.”

“You’re alright.” He told you again before his eyes ran over you, checking for something before his frown deepened. “Where’s your weapon?”

They were already dead, kept moving by whatever virus or parasite had infected them but still…it had never sat right with you to kill them. So you didn’t. It had been months since the world ended and you hadn’t killed a single one of them.

You weren’t a survivor, you weren’t lucky. You were careful and you calculated every single move you made.

You were tired.

“I don’t have a weapon.” You watched his frown deepen even more if it were possible.

“You don’t have a- how the hell have you stayed alive?” He asked you and you couldn’t do more than shrug at him. “You were ready to let that thing get you.”

It wasn’t a question, he had witnessed it himself and you weren’t going to correct him. Both of you knew you were grateful for his intervention.

Joel got it, he really did. Some days it took all his energy to not put a bullet in his own head or be done with it and let the dead have at him. The months since Sarah had been killed, had died in his arms, had been the worst of his life. He got you being ready to leave it all behind because most days he was right there with you.

And Joel looked at you and saw himself. He saw the tiredness, the bone deep exhaustion, he saw the hurt and the brokenness that felt like it would never mend. He saw himself in you but he also saw you, he saw the way you didn’t carry a weapon, he had watched a moment that was probably your most vulnerable and he had watched the relief in your features as you fell against him.

It didn’t take him much longer to make his decision.

“C’mon we gotta make the most of the daylight.” Joel said after a few moments of silence and began moving before you could even register his words.

In the span of five minutes you were making two life altering choices, you regretted you first decision but you had a feeling you were making the right decision this time and trailed after Joel as he led the way and for the first time in months it felt easier to breath as you made your way through the city, watching as Joel lay a protective arm in front of you, pushing you behind him, as he dealt with the dead.

__________

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[im-out-of-it]

part 3 of season 1, episode 9 continued

43. “Stay, good dog. Bite me. Roll over, play dead” wolfie and vampie jokes

44. not even five seconds later and the wolfies and vampies are about to fight 😬

45. well looks like it’s Alec vs jace ah shit (TEAM ALEC)

46. and now Alec is more mad 🙃

47. KICK!HIS!ASS!ALEC!!!!!!!!!!!! #teamalec

48. I love how show Alec can fight and be his own person. he’s not “ive never killed a demon or can’t speak another language” like he’s actually his own and can hold his own

49. Alec: YOU LIED TO ME. when hasn’t jace lied to Alec though??????

50. kill him here because he’s useless and will create 71918819199 problems for ya

51. “you and your damn orders. who cares about orders”- the child asks. “See? That’s how little you know about being a shadowhunter” tell her off Alec 🔥 clary doesn’t know shit or cares about orders and jace knows better but he wants to do whatever she wants to do. what they’re doing to meliorn is wrong but nothing ever stopped jace in the past when he wanted to chase after her without using whatever brain he has.

52. I love Alec’s face (above) because he’s like I don’t understand?????? he broke all those clave rules for jace and got in trouble- and now he’s trying to follow clave orders and repair his family’s honor. Jace and clary could never understand because they always do whatever they want without caring about consequences. at least Alec adapts and changes into a better man AND DEALS WITH EVERYTHING

53. “You’ve broke the rules but never the law until she showed up.”-Alec hitting it with the truth

54. “You’ve had it out for clary from the start”- because she’s a dumbass, doesn’t think, bosses me around as if she’s my boss, is reckless with you, we could go on

55. I love watching Alec beat the shit out of jace after he tried telling Alec he had feelings for him- YES ALEXANDER GO!!!!!!!!! #alwaysteamalec

56. I also think it’s important because even in the books, jace is chosen to be stronger and more powerful than Alec but my man Alec is holding his own proudly

57. this is the face of someone who’s done with your shit

58. I only wish jace’s exit was permanent but whatever (honestly Alec looks so perfect here)

59. also the fact that jace thinks everything is about him. “you’re getting married because of me” okay listen, if Alec was okay with being out and gay, you’re the last person he would chose. whether Alec admits it or not, he is attracted to Magnus and that would be his first choice. I’m only saying that Alec is starting to see jace for who he really is. I don’t even think his so called feelings for jace were ever that romantic but that’s just me

60. y’all ever find it funny how whenever jace needs something, he always reminds Alec of the parabatai bond. but where is that bond when Alec needs something?????? BECAUSE ITS ONE SIDED

61. also can we talk about how wonderful an actor Matt is?????? I feel he captures Alec well (but I see show Alec as original Alec and book Alec doesn’t exist to me) and he can act extremely well with just facial expressions

62. now jace is pouting because Alec said no lmao he’s such a child

63. so meliorn and Izzy are reunited but we don’t ever hear anything romantic between them again??????? well always nice to see you meliorn

64. well Simon has forgiven clary apparently. couldn’t even last a whole episode of calling her out ugh

65. not sorry- I wanted to see her called out more

66. can’t wait for these two to be on the same side and friends again 💓

okay, so 66 was the number for the episode today 👏🏼 thank you for joining the hasn’t Alec been through enough meeting and why must we suffer CLACE scenes. see y’all soon for the AU episode (super psyched for that) and thank you again for enduring me and my posts 🥹

[the-desolated-quill]

Let’s talk Doctor Who, shall we?

I absolutely adore Space Babies. I know a lot of people weren’t very keen on this episode and they’re entitled to their opinion, even if it’s objectively wrong. I’m sorry, but I had a lot of fun with this episode. It’s silly, light hearted, optimistic, and a perfect showcase for Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson. I absolutely adore the Doctor and Ruby together and this is the perfect episode for them. They bounce off each other so well and their enthusiasm and excitement is infectious. I did feel the episode was a bit rushed. I feel like this could have benefitted from being 60 minutes just to give it some room to breathe, but overall I really enjoyed Space Babies and I am prepared to die on this hill and defend it. This was a great episode. Come at me bro.

And if you think that’s controversial, get this. The Devil’s Chord? Not a fan. I didn’t hate it. It’s certainly not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think the marketing and press were very misleading when promoting this episode. I was led to believe this would be a musical episode and it isn’t. Well… it is and it isn’t. The episode is about music and music features heavily in the plot, but they’re not singing and dancing all the way through or anything like that. There are things I like. Ncuti Gatwa and Millie Gibson are still perfect. I LOVE Jinkx Monsoon. I don’t watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race so this was my first exposure to her and she was incredible as the villain Maestro. The way she’s able to go from laugh out loud camp to genuinely menacing in the space of a few seconds is really impressive, and she commands the screen whenever she’s on it. And I did like the concept of Maestro and how they use music and sound as a weapon. I thought it was very inventive and creative. The problem is I don’t fully understand Maestro’s plan, and I think people are so caught up with how good Jinkx Monsoon is that it has distracted them from the fact that the plot has more holes it than a colander. So Maestro feeds on unsung songs, and music is no longer a thing post-1920s thanks to them. Except Abbey Road still exists and the Beatles and Cilla Black are still performing songs. Not very good songs, but still songs. Who’s buying those songs if music is no longer a thing? Why isn’t Maestro interested in those songs? What makes a song worth feasting upon? What is it Maestro is actually eating? Their talent? Their potential? Except that can’t be it because later they’re talking about feasting on “the song of a nuclear winter”. Okay so now I’m really confused. What makes a nuclear winter better for Maestro than a bad song about a dog? Surely music is music regardless of whether it’s good or bad, right? In fact why even bother with music at all if any sounds will do? The whole thing becomes too broad and too abstract, and if the motivations are ill-defined, then the threat becomes ill-defined, and toward the end I honestly didn’t have a clue what was going on or what Maestro’s ultimate goal was. Honestly the whole thing felt a bit pretentious and self absorbed. Call me a cultural philistine, but I’ll take an episode about talking babies and snot monsters over this any day of the week.