#i’m sorry i jump around so much it’s the adhd

[fragileizywriting]

beach fic is done, let’s see if i can finish at least one of my dl fics this year omg

[heartsforjh]

i was thinking for a luke request.. the two go out to dinner and eat heaps of food & have a super cute time.

(saying this as i just went out for a huge lunch with my best friend and now am feeling super full and a bit like i’m gonna wake up 10 kg heavier🤣)

of course nonnie! sorry for the wait! 🫶 also, i need my adhd meds apparently because i completely missed the fact that this said dinner and not breakfast 🫠 i’m very sorry about that but i hope you still love it 😭

“i’m so hungry,” Luke groans, sprawled out beside you in bed.

“then go get something. get me something, too,” you mumble, not bothering to look up from your phone.

instead of moving, he lets out another exaggerated sigh and reaches over, snatching your phone from your hands. before you can protest, he quickly turns it off.

“luke!” you frown, sitting up and reaching for it, but he holds it out of your reach with ease, his long arm effortlessly keeping it away from your smaller ones.

“i don’t want any of the food in there y/n,” he whines. his voice is pitiful, and he stares back at you with a look that tells you he’s fishing for something.

you roll your eyes and sigh. “well, what do you want, then?”

“let’s go out to eat!” he exclaims, perking up like he just came up with the idea. truthfully, you know this boy has probably been plotting this since he woke up.

you groan, stretching your arms up over your head. “okay, let’s do it.”

luke’s face lights up instantly at your surrender. he jumps out of bed before pulling on a T-shirt and a pair of slides. your eyebrows raise at his choice of outfit, the corner of your lips twitching slightly.

“i’m not going out with you wearing slides and no socks,” you say, pointing at his feet.

he huffs dramatically but heads to the dresser, muttering something about you being “too picky” as he rummages through it. a few seconds later, he turns to you, frustrated.

“babe, where the fuck are all my socks?”

you let out a short, amused scoff, already expecting this. “go check the dryer, lu! there’s probably some in there.”

he disappears towards the laundry area while you quickly make yourself look presentable. once you’re finished, you flop back onto the bed, scrolling mindlessly through your phone. just a few minutes later, you hear the floor creak behind you.

“luke,” you say without turning around, “if you’re trying to sneak up on me, you suck at it.”

“ugh!” he groans in defeat, laughing as he walks over toward the bed. “how’d you know?”

you finally turn to look at him, a small grin present on your face. “you’re not exactly stealthy.”

he chuckles and sits beside you, pulling his socks on. you lay your head on his shoulder, tiredly. “you ready to go?”

“yes, i’m starving,” he says, getting up from the bed and grabbing his keys.

“you’re always starving.” you say with a laugh.

once you’ve both managed to pull yourselves together—luke still looking causal, but with the much needed socks this time—you head to a small diner down the street. it’s quiet and warm inside, the only noise being the faint buzz of a jukebox playing across the place.

you and luke slide into a booth and he grabs the both of you menus. “what are you getting?”

you shrug, scanning the options.

“i don’t know. the time is weird right now. it feels too late for breakfast, but too early for lunch. what do you think?”

“easy. just get both, baby,” he says confidently, already closing his menu. “that’s what i’m doing—chicken and waffles. you should match with me!”

you laugh at his enthusiasm but nod. “okay, chicken and waffles it is i guess.”

luke smiles and gently takes your menu, setting it back in the holder before reaching across the table to play with your fingers. his touch is warm and absentminded as he talks about why he chose the food like it’s a life-changing decision.

when the waitress comes, ordering is quick since you’ve already decided what you want. luke tells you about work, something funny jack said the other day, and the chaos of finding his hockey gear after it went missing in the locker room.

when the food arrives, luke’s eyes widen as if he’s just been handed gold. “oh yeah. look at this,” he says, gesturing to his plate that’s identical to yours.

“looks good,” you reply with a small laugh, endeared by how proud he is to show you his meal.

as you dig in, the chatter continues. luke pauses mid-bite to ask, “wait, what happened with your friends? the ones fighting?”

“oh, yeah! okay, so here’s the new tea…” you trail off into the story, and luke listens intently, nodding and laughing at all the right places.

eventually, you both finish eating. luke leans back in the booth, holding his stomach dramatically. “i’m so full,” he groans.

“i’m surprised,” you tease, not looking up as you sip the last of your drink.

his jaw drops, mockingly offended by your statement. “you’re so mean to me!”

you shrug, smirking. “i’m sorry, i can’t help it!”

luke shakes his head, laughing softly. “you’re so lucky i love you.”

“i know,” you smile. “now, let’s go back home. i’m still really tired.”

he nods, tossing a few bills onto the table for the check. as you step outside, he wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to shield you from the freezing air. his warmth and care are silent reminders of just how much he really loves you.

i really hope y’all liked this one! this is my last regular blurb before i start posting for my love language themed celly. if you haven’t requested for that but you’d like to learn more, click here! and last little announcement, i started a tag list! if you’d like to join that, you can do so here! 🫶

[jyoongim]

Can I request an Alastor x reader where she is a newer sinner. Really nerdy, obsessed with history, fun facts, animal facts, and shy at first. Just says things randomly, like “did you know that if a cow has twins more often than not she abandons ones just rearranging things when bored, someone will come down to lobby in the middle of the night and there she is moving the couches at like 3am. Doesn’t think when she speaks when she sees Alastor in his overlord form just says something like “smash” before walking off. Kind of a this gives me conflicted feelings and made me learn something about myself I don’t think I should know. It can be smut or fluff I don’t mind! My friends just say I have adhd, never been tested, don’t wanna be lol, I just ramble when I get excited and talk too much or too loud when excited too. It’d be nice to see a reader like me :) thank you love! I’m trying not to ramble so I’m sorry if this all over the place!

Hehehe could be possible adhd but I’m also certain everyone has a touch of tism as well so you’re not alone hehehe.

(I too have undiagnosed adhd)

Typing this from my phone cause I’m scared to do it on my work computer😭 should have brought my iPad to work

————————————————————————-

You had always been…different.

When you were alive you spent most of your time doing your hobbies or reading. You weren’t much of a social butterfly but did make the effort every once in a while. But people always treated you like you were an annoyance.

You were strange. Even by demon standards.

But you made a lovely addition to the Princess of Hell’s hotel.

You enjoyed being about to sprout random facts and have people actually be interested.

Animals, history, science you name it you randomly knew it.

You rambled during bonding excersies until you caught yourself yapping and instantly apologized.

You talked to yourself (having been caught in the act more than once)

Husk called you a loose screw but Angel found it charming. Charlie thought you were just the cutest.

And Alastor….

Well you definitely piqued his interest.

————————————————————————

You and Angel were having a “self care” day. Well Angel was. You were just happy to play in his fluff. Angel was telling you about the latest shoot he had to do and then the subject jumped to saying lives. “Oooh cmon toots don’t tell me no one’s were had the hots for that brain of yours” you pin curled his hair, “hmmmm not that I know of. Besides most people think I’m strange, wouldn’t want to scare the masses”

Angel rolled his eyes “well what about here at the hotel? Anyone catch yer fancy?”

You think about it but your mind comes to a blank. Nope you couldn’t in point who you would be the SLIGHTEST but interested in.

The sound of shoes met your ears and you turned to see Alastor entering the lobby. Your ear perked up and your eyes immediately locked in.

You would say you and Alastor were friends. The two of you had great conversations, he listened to your rambles and always told you facts of the time period when he was alive.

He wasn’t in his usual pristine attire. Instead of the polish look, he was dressed more casual. A white button up, rolled at his elbows, wearing dress pants and suspenders, he even didn’t have his gloves on.

He paid no mind to the two of you in the lobby, seemingly in his own world.

“Smash” you said tilting your head, causing Angel to burst out laughing and you blush when you realized you said that out loud.

Alastor turned around, eyebrows quirked “something amusing was said?”

You quickly shook your head while Angel chuckled “Our fact machine here thinks you’re hot*

Alastor blinked, his eyes settling on you.

You wanted to hide in the couch from embarrassment, but Alastor just took a sip of his coffee and began to walk from where he came. He got to the hallway door because pausing briefly, turning to look at you over his shoulder

“I suppose I would ‘smash’ you too dear”

Your cheeks burned and Angel choked as Alastor disappeared.

[fly-flower-fanfics]

Could you do an aizawa x m! reader ? like reader had a bad adhd day and needs comfort ? or just like a bad day, whatever you're comfy with ^ ^

Of course! Sorry it's taken me so, so long. Things have been... wild these last few years.

Anyways, I was diagnosed with ADHD! However, I just want to also say that I’m sorry if it sounds a little off since people experience ADHD differently. I hope this meets up to your standards. I wrote this as if I was having a bad ADHD day, since you didn't have any other specifics.

Also happy new year! Hope this was worth it 😭 but this was also for me and to also help me get back into writing and my little joy of it.

For The Love Of God

Shouta Aizawa x Male Reader

Warnings: ADHD meltdown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All day. All damn day, everything seemed to go wrong. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. I thought that maybe I was overreacting or maybe just having one too many coincidences or something, but no. Of course not. I couldn't be that lucky. It had to trace back all onto my ADHD today.

Normally, I could handle it. Normally, working at this little café, it was fine. I had my slip-ups, the normal struggles, but I was fine. But not today.

Today was terrible. The refrigerator was slightly broken, the door just slightly ajar, which meant that I could hear the fan whirring around inside it whenever I was in its vicinity. One of the lightbulbs in the lobby kept flickering, which drew my attention to it every time I was around it, and it had a soft tapping noise. The new aprons we were designed to wear just felt all wrong with the string itching around my neck. I'd been assigned to cut up the fruit today, which left my hands feeling slightly raw and tingly after doing the repeated action for so long.

And the customers. The customers were just feral today, it seemed. Everything around the store was already distracting me and overwhelming me from getting my job done properly, and the customers just made it all worse. They were loud, cranky, and just overall rude.

By the time my shift ended, I was completely overwhelmed and on edge. I had to check my person over at least four different times to make sure I had everything before I could leave out to my car because I was not coming back inside. And even at my car, I had to just sit there behind the wheel and breathe for a few minutes to make sure I would be able to focus on the road to make it home in one piece.

It was a short drive home, but it felt like it took ages to get there. As soon as I was home, though, my shoes were kicked off haphazardly at the door. My hands were fumbling with the apron's string around my neck and waist before I draped it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs where my keys were dropped onto the counter immediately after. I was already pulling off my work shirt as I walked down the short hallway to Shouta and my shared bedroom, and the fabric was discarded onto the floor next to the door as soon as I pushed it open.

My work pants followed suit, being discarded on my side of the bed as I climbed underneath the covers, only clad in a pair of boxers now, as I folded myself up under the covers. I closed my eyes as I relaxed against the pillow, though my whole body was still tense.

The covers were soft, and they felt nice against my skin. The room was quiet, which was much appreciated after everything being far too loud all day. All my senses ached horribly, but there was quite literally nothing I could do about it. I was a slave to the torture that my ADHD provided now, powerless to change it.

"Rough day, I presume?"

Shouta's voice caught me off guard, causing me to jump. Even in the silence of the room, my head had been far too loud to allow me to hear him walk in. My eyes flashed open, and I looked down at him from the comfort of the blankets wrapped around me.

There he stood, leaning up against the doorframe, looking over at me in the bed. There was a slight smile on his lips, but there was a twinge of sympathy in his eyes that I could note. I merely hid myself away in the blankets again, closing my eyes as if it would help the situation.

"Doesn't even begin to cover it," I muttered, my voice muffled by the sheets.

I heard Shouta's footsteps enter the room, and the bed dipped a bit to adjust for his weight as he sat on it. One of his hands gently settled on my shoulder, his thumb rubbing comfortingly over top of the blankets.

"I'm gonna scream, Shouta. If one more person talks to me or even fucking looks at me, I'm gonna have a meltdown. I swear to Jesus Christ."

Was I being dramatic? Maybe, but it certainly did not feel like I was at that moment in time. The overwhelming feeling in my chest and throughout my whole body did not make me feel like I was being dramatic at all. I was past my limit.

"Can I be the exception?" Shouta asked, his voice soft. "I'll just lay with you. We don't have to talk. Hell, I'll even close my eyes."

I was quiet for a moment, trying to decipher my emotions and thoughts. Would him being there help? Would his presence make things worse? This wasn't the first meltdown I'd had in front of him, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. But it didn't make it any easier to figure out, and it didn't make me feel any less guilty.

"I can always leave if you end up deciding you hate it."

Despite it all, my silence, my indecisiveness, my short temper, Shouta was still kind. He was still understanding. Maybe it came from him being a teacher. Maybe it came from him knowing what it was like to be overwhelmed. Maybe it was just his patient side shining through. I didn't know.

"Okay," I whispered out. "Just... hold me."

With the few words, Shouta shifted on the bed. I felt the bed wiggle a bit, which only served to agitate me more, but I tried to push it down. After all, he couldn't just be completely still as he moved on the bed despite me wanting him to during my overwhelmed state. It was only a few seconds, though, before he was under the sheets with me, an arm around my waist, pressing his chest up against my back.

My arms were still curled up against my chest, holding onto the blankets between my fingers, and my legs were still bent, my knees pulled a bit towards my chest. But it didn't seem to bother Shouta at all. He just worked around me, not trying to pry open my shell or to wiggle his way inside of it. He just looped his arm around me and nestled himself up against me.

His presence was solid after the bed stopped shaking, allowing me to find solace in the quiet bedroom and the soft blankets around my body. I could feel Shouta breathing, his chest pressing against my back with each breath.

And we simply laid there together. Silent.

Shouta even let me keep the blankets mostly over my head, which in turn had his head mostly covered, even though I knew he wasn't a huge fan of being covered up like that. I knew he was probably getting hot, but even if he was, not a peep or a complaint. We just laid in silence as I slowly collected myself together, letting the stresses of today wash away, and the ADHD meltdown dissolve.

I lost track of how much time had passed, but eventually, I found myself calmed enough that I wasn't balled up so tight on myself and that I wasn't gripping onto the blankets so tightly.

I breathed out a soft breath, reaching down to gently cover Shouta's hand with my own, lacking my fingers over top of his. My own thumb gently rubbed over his skin, silently thanking him for staying.

"You feel better?"

I nodded slightly in response to Shouta's quiet question.

"Good. Now, can we take the blanket off our heads?"

A smile curled my lips as I nodded once more, reaching up to pull the blankets down to a more reasonable level. I heard Shouta breathe out a heavy breath, and I felt the warmth on the back of my neck. Now a soft chuckle left my lips.

"Better for you?" I asked him this time.

This time, Shouta chuckled.

"Yes."

I shifted around in the bed this time, turning to face him directly. His arm remained around my waist, and I moved to mimic his position, my arm around his waist.

"Do you want to talk about what happened today?"

I took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. There wasn't exactly much to talk about. It was just my ADHD, spiraling out of control again. Something I was, unfortunately, all too familiar with. Something that I didn't always get to control.

"Just the ADHD again," I replied after a few minutes of silence.

Shouta gave a small, knowing nod. "That bad today?"

"Yeah. Everything... everything just went wrong today. I don't know. The customers were complete jerks, and there were so many little things that just kept adding up." I shook my head slightly.

Shouta rubbed my side gently, calming me further after the day I had had. My fingers curled into his shirt, holding onto him just a little tighter.

"I'm sorry."

But I shook my head again. There was a part of me that hated his apologies. I hated it when he apologized for me having bad days with my ADHD. It wasn't like he caused me to have ADHD. It wasn't like he was the one that made me have a bad day. It felt... weird having him apologize over something he had no control over.

"It's just something I live with, Sho. There's just... going to be bad days."

He leaned a bit closer to me, placing a kiss onto my forehead.

"We'll get through those together, okay?"

I closed my eyes, relishing in the softness of his lips against my forehead. It was a gentle gesture, one that wasn't really necessary in this moment, but one I appreciated all the same.

"Okay."

Shouta smiled at me, reaching up to brush his fingers along my cheeks.

"Come on now. Let's get you something to eat. I'm sure you could use something after today, yeah?"

I nodded, though I didn't make any move to get up from the bed.

"I would like that. Think we could order out? I'm not ready to get up yet."

This time, Shouta chuckled, pulling me a little closer to his chest.

"Sure, darling. Let's order out."

[imshymorph]

HI LOVE!!!! 🥺

if ur taking requests, could you pls do husband!Price with a reader who has ADHD? I myself have ADHD and am extremely forgetful, and tend to feel emotions more intensely than others, which means I cry a lot and get told I’m over sensitive haha 🥺❤️❤️😭

Hi darling! My requests are open, I'm just loaded up with uni work. So sorry it took over a week for me to answer. (But if you don’t mind the wait, 100% send in requests!!). I hope I portrayed it properly, I kind of fall in the adhd spectrum myself but it can really vary from one person to another, so I hope it's relatable!

Anyway, here’s some soft!Price with ADHD!reader

I think he’d notice pretty early on, maybe not specifically labelling it as ADHD, but he’d pick up on the forgetfulness and how quick it could change to a hyperfixation. I think he’s observant enough that he’d kind of be able to pinpoint the moment in your thought process where you jump from the thing you just said you were going to do to whatever other task popped in your mind that pulls you away from it.- - - - -

He would grow used to it pretty quickly, used to sharing space with all kinds of people at base and adapting himself to better work with them. I also lowkey headcanon that Soap has ADHD so he’d already have an idea on how to work around it and some strategies in place to help you with it. 

Although I think his main worry would be supporting you with the emotional side that comes with it. He’d be there for you at any time. It doesn’t matter what it is, he’ll dry your tears and talk with you about it. If you don’t want to talk or maybe it’s one of those days where you don’t even know why you’re crying, then he’ll just hold you close for a bit and help you get distracted when you feel better. 

I think that even if he doesn’t fully understand it, he can get a grasp on how overwhelming it can get. He’d notice when you’re starting to get frustrated, when your brain just can’t find something that releases enough oxytocin to keep you entertained for long enough. He’d swipe in then, bringing up one of your special interests or one of the hobbies you gave up on a few months back, to see if it sparks some joy again. If it doesn’t he’ll find something new that you both can try together or somewhere to go and explore. 

And don’t  you dare apologise for any of it, he’d give you a full on scolding on how it’s not something to apologise for. (That’s who you are and who he loves, darling). He doesn’t care that you forgot to close the kitchen cupboard for the fifth time this week, nor that the clean dishes still sit on the dishwasher, nor the pile of folded clothes that still sit on top of the dresser. He’s happy to have you with him, to share space with you and he’d take a messy living room and arrive late to your reservations on date night every single time if it means he’s with you. 

Also, he’d absolutely change things around the house and in his schedule if it means it makes things easier for you. He’ll change the organisation in all drawers and cupboards that need it so it’ll be easier for you to remember to put everything in its place. He’ll sit with you while you do work or chores, having casual conversation to keep you entertained and focused while you finish. Will sit there for hours if he has to, listening to you infodump about whatever thing your brain has last fixated on. And hold you for as long as you need when your emotions get too much and make you cry, one warm hand on your hip to hold you close while the other rubs your back. 

And relating to the crying. Poor soul, the one who dares to call you oversensitive in his presence. He’d absolutely rip them a new one, ready to start a physical fight if it is necessary because (how dare you judge his love for something out of their control). As soon as he’s satisfied with the scolding the other person got, his full attention is back on you. 

He’d pull you close, cup your cheeks and gently dry your tears with his thumbs. A small smile appearing on his lips, “don’t listen to them, love. You’re perfect just like this.” He presses a kiss to your forehead and lightly pinches your cheeks to get a smile from you. “Come on, let’s go home so you can tell me more about those books you have been reading.”

And the way your small pout and teary eyes change to a smile makes his heart soar. He throws an arm over your shoulders and holds you close as the both of you walk home, happily listening about the character arch of one of the main characters you tell him about. He’s already planning on wrapping you up on your favourite blanket on the couch while he gets ready some of your comfort food, how you’ll eat it together while you cuddle and watch one of your favourite shows or movies. 

[mellowluka]

I’ve been having some Thoughts™️ on the F1 related situations on social media and whatever lately, and I wanted to put them to paper and post for people to read if they wish. Warning, it kinda jumps around, but I have ADHD so I apologize in advance.

More assorted words below the cut.

[Disclaimer, this is not about the people who write RPF, this is about people hating on and discussing the real people, not fictional versions of them.]

Everyone is on their first year of life, which means mistakes are going to get made. [I’m not going to go into how I feel about the decisions McLaren’s been making, since that’s not the point here, nor is it relevant.]

Some of y’all are acting like you can go in there and do something different without seeing or knowing the whole picture. You haven’t sat in on a team meeting or anything like that, sit down.

Questioning people’s morals is also a really low blow, because we don’t see that much. You’re not their family or their friends, and what we see during a weekend on the track can be easily misinterpreted. It’s not always going to be true to life, especially with the high adrenaline.

While you can speculate all you want [you have free speech, after all], remember that these are real people you’re talking about, and not goddamn barbie dolls. Having free speech doesn’t give you a free pass to be a dick to people and situations you don’t truly know anything about.

As for Lando and Oscar, they’re full grown adults, and they’re completely within their rights to either be friends or not be friends. Either way, that is their choice. If they want to make being friends work while also being competitive? They’ll find a way, just like everyone else has done since the beginning of time.

They’re also completely capable of defending their own careers and decisions. In the end, they’re answering to their team and their team alone, not you. If you don’t like that, too damn bad, I’m sorry they have free will and that that offends you. [/sarcasm]

Yes, everything McLaren posts is going to inherently be positive PR. So is everything every other sports team or business posts, even outside the scope of F1. Get used to it, it’s not going to change. This also means that media in general will take opinions, snapshots, and just about everything else, out of context. Media literacy is a thing a lot of people have lost, and it shows.

To conclude, none of us as fans will ever get the full picture about things, and we’re just gonna have to deal with it. But knowing that you don’t have the full picture is the deal here. You can’t say you know it all when you don’t. Don’t claim you do, because believe me, we truly have no goddamn idea. Hating will get you nowhere, and it won’t change anything that’s actually happening in the real world.

Go touch some grass, disconnect, and chill out. The world isn’t ending.

[P.S. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk <3]

[ladykailitha]

Can Anybody See Me? Part 9

Just moving right along with these. Here I introduce two new people to befriend Steve. Because I like Steve having friends his own age that he hasn’t trauma bonded to. Starting tomorrow I’ll be putting up a little plot bunny that got away from me but have no fear, this one will return.

On the tagging, I HAVE REACHED MY HARD AND FAST LIMIT OF 50. I love the response this story has gotten. I do. I love you all. I love every reply, like, and reblog. It brings me so much joy, you don’t even know. But tagging is hard for my ADHD brain. I have gone up from 20 to 30 and finally 50 as my system improved but I think if I do any more than that I’ll go insane. So any future tagging requests will be ignored. Sorry.

The best way to keep update on these stories is follow me and set me on notifications. I rarely do a lot of reblogging these days (too busy churning out stories like whoa), so more often then not a post will be a story. I try to post at least once a day (some times twice if I’m trying to rush through the posting a bit like I did to make sure the Valentine fic got out in time without making people wait on Vamp!Eddie), just never at set time.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 

*

Steve was biting his nail as he waited his turn at the back of the crowd to see if he had made it.

“Ain’t doing it for this time, big boy,” Eddie told him. “I will stay for emotional support though.”

Steve gave Eddie’s arm a squeeze. “Thanks, man. I’m just so nervous.”

Finally they got to the front of the line and Steve’s finger slid down the list and next Thompson was Steve Harrington.

“I got it!” he said jumping up and down. “I got it!” He hugged Eddie.

And Eddie gave him a small tap on the back in return.

“We need to celebrate!” Steve said. “I’m taking everyone out to dinner.”

Eddie laughed. “The whole school, huh? Man, I knew you were rich, but that’s a lot.”

Steve playfully shoved at him. “Noooo...I mean you and the rest of Corroded Coffin. If it wasn’t for you guys I wouldn’t have ever tried out and I want to thank everyone.”

“Sounds great, pretty boy,” Eddie said. He turned Steve around and pushed him toward his first class. “Now go, before you’re late.”

Steve laughed and started walking. He looked over his shoulder and smiled softly.

Butterflies took off in his stomach looking at Eddie. He shook his head and went to class. That was another thought for another time. If he was going to graduate, he couldn’t be late.

*

Eddie went to go pick Steve for the celebration dinner but when he pulled up to the house there was a shiny silver BMW in the driveway and the front door was open.

Shit, shit, shit.

He wasn’t going to back out now. Steve needed him. He got out of the van and skipped up to the door.

He knocked on the door frame and an elegant woman in her early forties came out of one of the side rooms.

“Who are you?” she asked, taking in his band tee and ripped black jeans with a sneer.

He held out his hand. “Edward Munson, ma’am. Steve and I are in math together.”

Just then Steve came out of his room with his dad. Mr Harrington looked thunderous and Steve more than a little frightened.

“Eddie!” Steve called out.

“What’s all this then?” Mr Harrington boomed.

“Stevie and I are doing a project in math,” Eddie explained with a grin. “Mr Vinke assigned pairs to research noted mathematicians. We picked Gosta Mittag-Leffler, the dude that is the reason the Noble prizes don’t have a math award.”

Mrs Harrington turned to her son. “Couldn’t you have worked with any of your friends?”

Steve blushed.

“It’s just Tommy and Carol in that class and since they wanted to work together, Mr Vinke put me with Eddie.”

“Can’t be helped, I suppose,” Mr Harrington said gruffly.

“I’m here to pick him up to go to the library,” Eddie explained. “But we can do it tomorrow if you’re busy?”

Steve looked to his parents, in half agony and half hope. Agony because he did want to go celebrate with his friends. Hope because even if he couldn’t do it tonight, at least he would be able to see his parents and tell them all about his good news.

“It’s fine,” Mrs Harrington said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “We’re only stopping by for a couple hours anyway. I wanted to get some of my nicer jewelry and don’t trust the mail system to get it to me intact or at all.”

Steve’s face fell. “You aren’t staying?”

“Big meeting in Chicago tomorrow morning with some very important Japanese investors,” Mr Harrington boomed, pounding Steve on the back. “Can’t be missed.”

Steve nodded. “I’ll just go get my school bag.” He ran back into his room and grabbed his things. He was back out in a flash. Steve squeezed past his dad and thundered down the stairs. He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek.

“You ready to go?” Eddie asked softly.

Steve nodded.

Eddie waved at the Harringtons. “It was nice meeting you both.”

As they walked to the van they heard Mrs Harrington say, “Well, at least he’s a polite boy.”

“I didn’t know manners were taught to trailer trash,” Mr Harrington replied with a guffaw.

Eddie winced and Steve gave his elbow a squeeze. Once the were in the van and pulling out of the drive way, both boys relaxed.

“I’m sorry about that, man,” Steve said. “They literally came home ten minutes before you got there. I tried calling but Wayne said you had already left.”

Eddie turned and looked at him. “Hey, it’s okay. Because at least this way it wouldn’t leave me and the boys hanging at the diner wondering where you are.”

Steve blushed. “It was still rude of them. They didn’t tell me they were coming home and then to just dash off like I didn’t exist. Even I can tell that this is an aesthetic that is carefully, artfully done.” He waved at Eddie’s look.

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Yeah? What makes you think that?”  

“The shoes,” Steve explained. “They are too white and too new to be trash.”

Eddie grinned. “Look at you, being all observant.”

Steve just shook his head. “It’s not rocket science, dude.”

“No, but it is Sherlockian,” Eddie said.

Steve laughed. “Fair enough.”

*

They arrived at the diner to see that in addition to Jeff, Gareth, and Brian, Gethin and someone he didn’t know was there, too.

“Hey, guys,” Eddie greeted.

The new boy was a shocking curly-haired redhead with more freckles then hairs on his head.

“Hey, Steve! Eddie!” Jeff greeted. “This is Marty. He’s part of Hellfire Club, too. He’s a senior this year, so we’ll miss him next year.”

Steve waved. Eddie slid into the booth and Steve next to him.

“I wanted to celebrate Kyle not getting the role,” Marty said with a grin.

Steve eyed the new boy with new appreciation.

Eddie’s grin was feral. “In addition to Marty being in the club, he’s head of stage crew.”

“And assistant director this year,” Marty added with a grin.

“Ooh...” Gethin said. “Many hats this year.”

“Yeah,” Marty said. “It’s going to be hectic. I can’t wait.”

Steve grinned. Marty reminded him of Dustin a lot. “I’ve gotta ask. Why didn’t you want Kyle to be Thomson?”

“Because he cheated on the first audition,” Marty deadpanned.

All eyes went to Marty as they stared at him in shock.

“How?” Brian asked.

“He recorded a perfect version of himself singing and lipsynced with the Walkman in his pocket,” Marty explained.

“So how come he didn’t do it again?” Eddie asked.

Marty pulled something out his pocket. It was a small cassette tape. He waved it back and forth with a smirk.

“I may or may not have removed the tape just before he went on.”

Steve laughed. “I think you’re my new favorite person.”

Eddie clutched his chest. “I’m wounded, Stevie. So wounded that I am no longer your favorite person.”

“All right, all right,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “Marty is my second favorite.”

“But I’m the one that destroyed your art project!” Gethin protested.

“Tied for second then,” Steve amended.

Suddenly the other boys were fighting over being his third favorite. Or fourth. There was some debate over that.

They only stopped when it came time to order.

Once they all got their drinks, Eddie held his up. “To Steve!”

“To Steve!” everyone else parroted back.

“Thanks, guys!” Steve said, blushing.

*

It was very late when Eddie pulled up to the now empty and darkened house.

“Thanks, Eddie,” Steve murmured. “That was fun.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Just let me know if you need a fake report to show your parents.”

Steve laughed. “I don’t think they’ve looked at so much as my report card since seventh grade. I think I’m good, man.”

Eddie just shook his head. “See you tomorrow, Stevie.”

“Good night, Eds,” Steve whispered. He got out the car and waved good night.

Eddie waved back and waited until Steve was inside, before his eyes slipped shut.

He was in so much trouble. It had been so long since Eddie had a crush on anyone that he forgot what the warning signs were.

Wanting to spend every minute of every day with them. Check.

Wanting to do things for them all the time. Check.

The warm fuzzy feeling in his chest whenever he saw them. Check.

Wanting to be even more outrageous to catch their eye. Check.

Being jealous of other people spending time with them. Triple check.

Fuck.

When Steve had said that Marty was his new favorite person, Eddie’s own personal green-eyed monster began hissing in his ear. It immediately went running when Steve amended his statement, though.

Which was something Eddie should examine more closely. But if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t want to. In case the answer wasn’t the one he wanted.

Eddie was a little bit furious with himself. Steve was a known ladies’ man. like besides his hair, it’s what he was famous for. So unless Steve was secretly a Rock Hudson or Rupert Everett then Eddie was screwed. Crushing on straight boys was a death sentence to any gay man. But especially when that was all that was available in Bumfuck, Indiana.

He pulled out the driveway trying to come up with ways to break his crush on Steve without breaking their friendship.

By the time he got home he was no closer to an answer than he was at Steve’s.

Part 10 Part 11  Part 12 Part 13  Part 14  Part 15  Part 16  Part 17 Part 18  Part 19  Part 20  Part 21

@shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites @garden-of-gay @anaibis @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead  @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @jinxjinn @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @dangdirtydemons @lovelyscot  @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

[prof-peach]

You've mentioned that you are dyslexic and I was hoping you might be willing to answer some questions? No pressure if it's too personal though.

I'm trying to revamp my blog* and make sure it is accessible to as many people as possible. I have already figured out contrast for colorblind individuals, but moving on to the font has been a nightmare. I know comic sans was designed for people with dyslexia, but my old literary magazine teacher is in my head telling me I can't use it. Are there any other fonts that make reading easier for you personally? Or just other things I could do to the text (size, color, boldness, ect.) that would make it more accessible for you?

*not the blog I'm sending this ask from

Sure, though don’t know how much help I’ll be!

Colour choices are very helpful, dark mode literally saves my life on a number of websites, a lighter text on a darker background often helps me focus up. I find a larger font is better too, more because when I’m reading my eyes will jump around irrationally between words to do so.

Most people will apparently go from A, to B, to C, ect ect. In order?? Sounds wild to me haha

I tend to go from A to E, to C, back to A, to B if I’m lucky. Takes me a while to get through big chunks of text. A lot of how I adapt involves a physical item on my end. A card, a pencil, a piece of paper, something to separate the line of text I’m on to stay on that one point.

I am not educated in terms of what others go through, this is just my issues, and I won’t lie, there’s defo a little tism and adhd in the mix, it’s a hot pot of distractions haha!

So bigger text makes lingering on one word easier, least from where I’m standing.

Breaking things up into more manageable chunks is handy, formatting helps, big paragraphs (which even I am guilty of writing) are hard to get through in one sitting. I gotta highlight where I got to, get up and come back to it sometimes. Or if I’m in a rush read it like 4 times for the information to go in and stick around. Even then I’ll forget stuff.

As for comic sans. I personally loathe it with a burning passion. It’s a combination of art eye that hates how it looks, growing up with teachers using it “for legibility” but not realising it’s like…a child font. It bugs me so much. What’s worse is I live with a really talented graphic designer, who makes all his fonts himself more often than not, and so his hatred for it only fuels mine haha!

‘Helvetica Neue’ is designed for ease of reading, used in public transport particularly in new york subway systems, it’s whole thing was to be glanced at and quickly be legible. So try that one? Might be easier on the eye.

Sorry I don’t have better advice, I can only say what I do to work around it, but it might help a little? I’m sure people can message you or chime in on how they adapt and cope with dyslexia.

[bleue-flora]

thinking about cdream and autism, do you think his habit of jumping and pacing around while talking are him stimming? I do that too so Im wondering if it could be something like that for cdream?

I also wonder how the rest of the server would react if they discovered cdream's autistic. I think some characthers like ctechno would be like "that was obvious" other would dont give a shit bc they hate him and other would like "this explains some stuff actually".

Im sorry but now i find the idea of cdream finally being put into a trial and ctechno and cpunz and maybe cranboo being his lawyers and defending him like "Your honor, my client it's literally neurodivergent and also a homeless lonely woof, and a 3yr baby" to the rest of the server. I find that idea funny idk why like cdream and his defense fighting bc like "omggg techno im not homeless and we have the same age!" "dude dont break characther, we're trying to save you!!" ranboo is just wondering what went wrong to get to this and punz is planing on stabbing the wilbur judge bc "who put that man in charge?!?"

-Cleo

Oh for sure, I’ve actually talked about it in my essays about c!dream being autistic [post] and later in a discussion on adhd [post]. I think since it’s not like we can see c!Dream fidget as a Minecraft character the best representation we can get is him bouncing around. :)

How would the rest of the server react?… hm I’m not sure… would they care? Would it matter to them? It’s hard to know, when you have a group of people who will throw someone in prison or watch him lose his last life, it’s hard for me to think they’d give a damn. I just don’t know, I’ve only ever told friends and family and some others who I figured would give a positive response, never to like an enemy. And usually I would do in advance so people have context before I do something they dislike, not during or after (something I think cc!dream might have screwed up on - though to be fair he did make a comment in a podcast so…) as it then doesn’t feel like I’m trying to use it to excuse my behavior. In other words, I think when, as in at what point in the story, people found out he is autistic, makes a difference. If for example they only found out later around the time of Doomsday I don’t think it would change many of their perceptions of him. If they had it before a lot of the conflict began then that might be different. Like for example, would people allow Wilbur to target him if they knew, hard to say but it would be interesting. It also matters how they find out and how much they know. For example, I tell people about what it’s like for me, so that I can then ask them to give me some grace when I need it and give me a chance to explain my side if need be. I tell them so I can then ask something of them, so the question is would Dream tell them in an effort to ask for their grace. Or would he just tell them and then just assume they would give him the benefit of the doubt. Because it’s also important for him to communicate what’s going on, if there is a disconnect happening because of autism like - me getting upset because I’ve gotten too overstimulated by the bright lights or clock ticking, then I need to tell people that’s why I’m losing it not because of anything they’ve done. Assumptions are communication’s biggest enemy or more commonly phrased, “Assumptions are the enemy of true understanding” or as George Bernard Shaw says, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Knowing of autistic diagnosis is step one, step two is communicating that and what it means. Now that you and the other are aware you’re speaking a different language you need to do the translation. To continue an analogy I did earlier, now that you realize you are talking about an American jumper and the other person is talking about a British jumper, it’s time to take the time to explain what an American jumper is and learn what a British jumper is so than you are on the same page.

This would be the same for c!Dream. The best way for his diagnosis to mean anything without people treating him demeaningly (which does happen) is for him to communicate. But both parties have to be willing to listen and understand where eachother are coming from. The autistic person has to put aside their logic to realize that that isn’t always how other people think, and the non-autistic person has to put aside their emotions and feelings of the situation to hear the other person out. (This btw is the problem with the conversation with cc!Tubbo and cc!Dream, cc!Tubbo was not willing to hear cc!Dream out or change his mind. And if that’s the case, discussion is unproductive because the person isn’t willing to hear you out and possibly change their mind or perspective).

In other words, there are basically four outcomes from c!Dream telling people depending on when he does 1) they disregard it as an excuse that he’s using to justify his actions 2) they take the opposite approach and baby him (I think this happens I wouldn’t know it’s not been my experience) 3) it makes no difference in their opinion one way or another or 4) it provides the scaffolding for a bridge of understanding that for the members willing to form that bridge are able to better community and understand c!Dream. But again this only happens if it’s caught, highlighted and both sides are willing to talk it out. Though diagnosis is also useful in the real world, because now that you know you speak a different language, you can start to learn the other one to understand them better. Because then you can be aware of what’s happening and better adapt. And these skills can come from experience, books, therapy, videos and stuff that can help you become aware of how non-autistic brains work to better communicate with them… anyways I’ve strayed from the point haven’t I, oops…

[dragjunkie23]

Please Come Home

Request: A lovely user wanted to see how Sam would handle a partner with PMDD, which is almost like PMS but a lot worse especially for those who have ADHD or other neurodivergent

Minors DNI

Warnings: Very emotional, angsty, fluffy

Three days

It’s been three whole days since Sam left with Dean to help with a case. I normally would go with them, but I decided to sit this one out and give myself a break as the recent jobs we had got me super exhausted.

However, the exhaustion was not just from the cases. My period also decided to show up, and normally I can ride it out the best I can, but having ADHD plus hormones running wild…it’s not a great mix to have.

The cramps I can handle. It’s the fact that Sam was gone that was getting to me.

I took one of his flannels he left behind in our shared room and would hold it as I fell asleep. It sounded dumb, but having this close to me was almost like Sam was here.

I couldn’t take it anymore after day three, though. I found myself waking up crying and every single little thing got to me. I tried to fix our AC unit but I kept dropping the screws. I wounded up crying for about 1 hour before I could finally pick myself back up.

I wanted Sam to come home, to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything would be okay. It felt selfish to ask him to drop everything and come home, though. People’s lives were in danger and we were the only one who could help them.

I eventually swallowed my pride and decided to call Sam up. Maybe hearing his voice would make things better.

“Y/N?��

I tried to hold myself together as I didn’t want him to know I’ve been upset.

“Hey…baby…I just wanted to call and say hi,” I said.

“Well, hey to you too,” he said as I heard him smile, “What bought this on? Everything okay?”

“Yeah…I just miss you that’s all,” I said.

“I miss you, too, baby girl,” he said.

The moment those words came out of his mouth, the water works began as I started to cry. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Baby?! You okay!?” he said in a panicked tone.

I didn’t know what came over me but I knew that there was no point in hiding it.

“Truth be told…no. I’m…I got my period shortly after you and Dean left, and it’s just been killing me. Every little thing gets me upset. I almost threw the toaster across the room because I burnt my toast…and I just wish you were here with me. I’m so lonely. I’m sorry…I didn’t…I know this job is important…”

“Hey hey, there’s not need to apologize,” he said, concern filling his voice, “Oh baby girl, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

All I could do was nod. It felt great getting it all out but I also felt guilty. “I’m not trying to guilt trip you…”

“Baby, deep breaths” he said, “Again, you have nothing to apologize for. In fact, I’m glad you told me this.”

There was a moment of silence before Sam told me to hold on a second. My heart was pounding a bit as I wondered what was going to happen next. Was he mad? Was Dean mad? So much anxiety ran through me as I waited for the next steps.

Finally, Sam picked the phone up. “You still there, sweetheart?”

“Yes,” I managed to say.

“Okay. I’m coming home right now. Garth is nearby anyways so he’s gonna help with the case.”

“Sam…no…”

“Y/N, it’s all fine. If it helps, Dean was the first to say that I should come home to you before I even asked. He also instructed me to bring you chocolate ice cream and to put my healthy eating habits aside for this.”

I smiled a little bit, feeling better knowing that Dean was on board. Still, the guilt lingered, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about that.

“Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll see you in a bit.”

_______________________

3 Hours Later

I felt a little dip in our bed as someone sat down. Opening my eyes, I saw Sam looking at me with a sympathetic smile on his face.

He’s home.

I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into his neck, letting out little tears.

“You’re back.”

“I told you I would be back,” he said.

He wrapped his arms around me, stroking my hair and rocking me back and forth to help soothe me. He whispered in my ear things like “Shhh, it’s okay, baby girl. Let it out. I’m home. You’re safe.”

After I calmed down, we both laid down on the bed, my upper body still on him as he continued to massage my head while rubbing my back.

“Can I ask���what bought this on?” he asked.

I shrugged. “It’s…not easy to explain Sam. I think in all honesty, it was a mix of pure exhaustion, the pain, and so much more. Normally I can take care of myself just fine, but…I don’t know. I’m sorry…that I made you leave…I wanted you to finish…”

“And I wanted to leave the moment I heard you crying. You didn’t make me leave, sweetheart. I wanted to get back here…I just needed to know that you were safe and that I could be there for you.”

I just nodded, not knowing what else to say. I wanted to apologize again, but I knew Sam would just tell me to stop apologizing.

“What…did Dean look like when you told him?” I asked.

“He looked scared, honestly,” he said, “When I told him what was going on, he was relieved that it was nothing serious, but insisted that I go and help you before I could ask.”

“You mentioned that on the phone,” I said.

“I know. Now, let’s get some rest, okay?”

I didn’t want to rest. I wanted to stay awake, enjoying Sam’s company. My body needed the rest, though, so I drifted off, finally having a dreamless sleep in the arms of the man I love.

[cedarwoodtears]

Hellooo! Saw your account and love your Mike and Chris content!! Was wondering if you have any cute relationship headcanons for these two qts? :33

hey anon! sorry for getting to you so late, i’ve been like a zombie recently it’s not fun LMAO BUT REGARDLESS OH MY GODDDDDDD STARTS JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN JOY YES OF COURSE I DO!!!! I HAVE SO MANY!!!! AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHH oh lord anon you’re about to give me a heart attack. i’m gonna explode from joy and autism. guys i literally love them so much im gonna start crying ohhh my babies!!! OK SHUT UP TRAVIS LETS START (sorry if there’s any typos i did NOT proofread this)

‣ chris is SUCHHH a yapper and mike is here for it!!! god forbid you mention anything about computers around him lord you will never hear the end of it. chris REALLLYYY likes computers and technology, it’s his special interest as a matter of fact!!! mike just enjoys listening to his voice and when get passionate about the things he really loves…he learns quite a bit from chris since his technology skills are..well…..he needs to work on them. mike will just relax and listen while he’s petting wolfie or snuggle up to chris, sure he doesn’t understand a solid 95% of it but he engages and asks questions when he can!!! sometimes though… if it’s late at night and if they’re both in bed or on the couch… he might fall asleep! it’s happened more times than mike would like to admit LMAO he just thinks his boyfriends voice is relaxing what more can i say!!! don’t worry mike gets his fair share of talking too, he has to hold himself back from interrupting bc he’s got a nasty habit of doing that and then chris can’t get back on track LOLLL it’s not that mike has malicious intent when he does that, it’s just like…he has that URGEEE he is STRUGGLING TO CONTAIN HIMSELF!!!! (adhd and autism combo goes CRAZY!!!!)

‣ mike absolutely LOVESSS physical touch like he can’t get enough!!! chris is like a damn heater too, he’s really warm and mike just wants some of that body heat yknow!! whether it be cuddling or hugging or holding hands, he shows his appreciation for chris that way ^^ chris often complains though bc his hands are fucking COLD like “mike, if i wanted to get hypothermia id cuddle with a big ice cube, not you” LOLL stop being mean!!! nah mike jokes along he’s used to his sarcastic nature…for every little quip chris says, mikes got another one up his sleeve hehe…chris really loves it too though. it helps him calm down when he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed, just how gentle and soothing mike is with him in those moments, giving him little forehead kisses and running a hand over his cheek OHHHHH MY GODDD MY SHAYLASSS 😭😭 sometimes they don’t even talk, they just hold each other close and find comfort in each others warmth and love..they really savour those tender moments between them, yes they goof off and tease each other a ton but they really do love each other a lot!! and mike can’t stand being alone so he tends to hold onto chris to keep him close…

‣ they are opposites when it comes to ideal date preferences!! chris would rather stay at home and relax, have a movie and/or game night, maybe even visiting a museum if he’s up to it! meanwhile mike wants to go outside and feel the fresh air, whether that be going to the beach and letting wolfie run wild or an amusement park and let chris watch as he spectacularly misses every shot at balloon darts LMAOO we don’t talk about that time okay…chris had to win the prize for him..mike was so far but so close he just needed a LITTLE bit more aim. ok im getting sidetracked ANYWAYS despite them being opposites when it comes to that, they end up usually having a great time! i say usually bc chris sometimes ends up getting pretty overstimulated if they’re in a crowded environment like that and he gets really snappy and curt when he’s feeling that way, most of the time he’ll ask to go home early and they’ll just relax there… chris goes from all jokey and sweet to “ok” “whatever” “yeppp” that’s usually a big glaring sign for mike…honestly they don’t count half of that as dates, they just hang out and have fun together yknow?!

‣ chris is still learning to not be scared of wolfie whenever he comes over to mikes apartment…i mean i can’t blame him. wolfie is BIG and well A WOLF!!!! (don’t ask how he’s even allowed in the apartment, magic) he’s often hesitant to get too close to wolfie in fear of getting bitten but mike insists that’s never gonna happen…“he’s a good boy” mike says as his previous couch was DESTROYEDD LMAOOO listen his behavior has been improving!! wolfie is such a sweetheart he’s always trying to get chris to pet him and sniff him and try to lay down infront or beside him..sometimes even whining at him and nudging his leg or arm like AWWEEEE baby boy don’t worry chris will cuddle with you eventually….mike can tell when wolfie is near because chris gets closer to him and grabs onto his arm LOLLL he does his best to ease chris though and show him that wolfie isn’t a big bad wolf…he’s just a little…energetic at times! they’ve gotten to the point where chris can pet him OCCASIONALLY so progress is progress!!! he does have quite a bit of photos of wolfie though we know you love him chris!!

‣ mike has a habit to always try and impress chris yknow hes not a show off BUTTTT he likes it when chris compliments him..perhaps a bit too much..his impulsive side REALLY starts showing through in those moments. like they could be going on a nature walk and there’s a big stream and instead of crossing the bridge he’d be like “hey chris look at this, wanna bet i can clear it one jump?” and before chris can even respond he jumps across it BARELYYY making it in the process LMAO chris would be all sarcastic like “wow mike. let me go ahead and call national geographic about this, this is ABSOLUTELY groundbreaking, they need to make a movie about this kind of stuff.” meanwhile chris is smirking to himself and shaking his head he’s dating a DUMBASS!!! but mike is chris’s dumbass so it’s okay…most the time mike pulls off stunts like that pretty smoothly but the times he doesn’t? oh lord chris NEVER forgets about them. chris laughs for a bit then feels kinda bad and asks him if he’s okay while still laughing at him LOLL mike tries to play it off like he’s fine meanwhile he can barely stand and is wincing in pain MIKE!!! chris will obviously get concerned if it seems like he’s legitimately hurt himself though, his goofy attitude is dropped INSTANTLY he goes straight into caring mode…

‣ they always have the most meaningless arguments when they’re bored istg it’s a stretch to even call it that because it is so unserious LMAOO they will really get into whether or not cereal is a soup or if a hot dog is a sandwich!! or who would win in a hypothetical scenario of 5000 chickens vs 50 humans…like it always is such an odd, weird topic but they enjoy debating each other like that!! half the time neither of them even believe in the side they’re standing for, like mike will be the most FIRMMM denier that water isn’t wet but he’ll go with it anyways. its entertaining to them and anyone who might witness it though, like how are you even coming up with these analogies and why are you trying to confuse each other so much so the other gives up LOLLLL the winner gets bragging rights AND a kiss hehe whenever chris wins he is ALWAYS sure to gloat just to tease and mikes like “alright alright you nerd you got me this time” with a sigh LMAOOO it’s okay he’s only a little butthurt he thought he was doing great until chris pointed out a mistake…chris is actually surprisingly good at debate when he’s not trying to confuse mike and claim a victory bc of that LOL

‣ chris takes so many photos of mike you’d swear he was a professional photographer!!! they’re usually nice ones but sometimes he’s feeling a bit mischievous and takes some 0.5 ones when he’s passed out drooling, looking like he just ran 20 marathons and sends it to him when he gets up LMAOO or he’ll literally go up to him and put the camera mere inches from his face and be like “smile!” he can’t even react in time and then chris shows it to him as his lock screen LOLL it does stroke mikes ego hearing chris talk about how good he looks in a photo though..well not the silly ones. he’s like “chris wait don’t send that to anyone” “TOO LATE!!!” (he didn’t send it to anyone but mike is trying to steal the phone from him now LMAOO) no chris is the best cameraman. he will hit the most LUDICROUS insane positions to get the right angle!! and hey mike is photogenic so that helps a bunch too hehe chris is a little jealous he thinks mike is just so effortless like that…when chris makes a joke about himself looking bad, mike replies like“what? i didn’t know you were a liar, chris” right mike like he is such a CUTIE PIEEE he struggles to see it unfortunately….mike gets a bit sad when he hears chris make jokes about himself like that because he is SO BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUTTT 😭😭😭😭😭

‣ mike wasn’t a cat liker until he met chris’s kitties…they are ADORABLE oh my goodness i can see why they changed his attitude so quickly!! he used to think cats were bitchy and weren’t loyal like dogs were (his dad always said that cats weren’t) so it took awhile but they grew on him pretty quick! at first he’d just kinda eyeball them and shoo them if they got too close…chris was like “they’re friendly man” and mike was like “yeah…” MIKE!!! BE NICE YOURE A GUEST!! they stayed away from him mostly and he stayed away from them…a mutual distance. that wasn’t until one time nova (chris’s black kitty) curled up next to mike and chris one night on the couch that he let her stay…i mean chris was petting nova and he’s not about to kick his own friends cat off the couch yknow? she was all purry and cuddly though and mike had to admit to himself “okay maybe shes a LITTLE cute…” and they started to grow on him since then..his gallery is still majority wolfie whenever he visits he takes some cute photos of them and pets them!!! chris’s other cat, a birman named sherbert, is a lot more shy around mike LOLLL she needs some more time to warm up despite how long they’ve been together…mike doesn’t get as many photos or videos of her but that doesn’t mean he loves her any less!! he asks about the cats often and says them and wolfie should have a play date!!! chris would rather not though he doesn’t know what wolfie might do to his precious babies 😓

‣ they are such flirts with each other, moreso in private than in public but oh my goddd GET A ROOM YOU TWO!!!! you’re even worse than josh and sam smh…it took chris awhile to not get so utterly flustered when mike would “jokingly” hit on him, he’d always be like “what the hell, man?” and start sweating like crazy and blushing LOLL mike found it so adorable, sure he’d play it off before they were together but he enjoyed it…he knew chris did too. chris was NOTTT subtle when he’d want to hang out with mike a lot, josh suspected something was up between the two but thought mike didn’t swing that way…and he also thought chris liked ashley, not mike. i mean chris did, he liked both of them! things were just…different with ash after that one night. regardless, they’d hang out pretty often and play games, sometimes watching movies but chris would always fall asleep midway through so not much conversation then LMAOOO but there was so much tension between them oh my GODDD it was so thick you could slice right through it…now theyre more comfortable around each other, with mike especially it is like innuendo city here jeez get your mind out of the GUTTER!! chris still gets flustered but he’s able to return the energy better hehe…mike finds him adorable regardless of whether he gets all awkward or not.

[lexyscross]

Kirsch family headcanons! 💕 (Pt. 1)

(Reposting this in parts because Tumblr changed their shit and won't let me edit the original post now.)

Since Radio Silence wanna play tricky, let’s just say that their first names are all the same, and their family name is Kirsch. I’m also assuming their personalities were all genuine and not just acts they put on. (Except for Ethan; I believe his Shy Awkward Bean personality was an act, and I've heard Jack Champion said so himself. I think he was likely a spoiled little douche canoe. (*affectionate) But, mostly, the only mentions here of him being shy or meek are the childhood headcanons, so it still works.)

Okay? Let’s go!

Richie is eldest (obviously), 7 years older, to be exact. Quinn and Ethan are twins; Quinn is older by 6 minutes. (Ethan is soooooo Baby Brother coded!)

Richie’s, Quinn’s, and Ethan’s nicknames from their parents as babies/little kids were “Buddy,” “Pretty Girl,” and “Pookie Bear,” respectively. (And they still fit the vibes when they grew up. 🥺)

The twins learned how to ride bikes at 5 or 6 years old. Quinn, with all of her boldness and confidence, took to it easily, but Ethan (having seen Quinn fall a couple of times, but get right back up) was scared. Quinn teased him for it, telling him to stop being a baby. Richie encouraged him, telling him that he wouldn’t let him fall and holding on at first until Ethan felt safe enough for Richie to let go.

They are absolutely one of those families that wear matching Christmas pajamas.

Wayne often worked late (obviously, he’s a detective), and their mother had... some career that required her to work late every now and then, so Richie sometimes had to babysit Quinn and Ethan. Whenever this happened, they would have a Stab marathon (even though their parents told him not to show the kids those movies). Quinn liked them almost immediately; for Ethan, it took 2 or 3 marathons for him to warm up to them.

Richie and Ethan are both autistic, but only Richie was diagnosed because with him it was more “apparent,” with his hyperfixations and all. Everyone just thought Ethan was shy and sensitive. This contributed to Wayne’s spoiling of Richie’s Stab obsession; he wanted to be supportive of his son’s interest (even though his wife told him it was unhealthy to indulge such a morbid fascination), but he took it too far. 🥺

Quinn has ADHD. She wasn’t diagnosed until she was 17.

Being that he’s 7 years older than them, Quinn and Ethan sort of hero worshipped Richie.

Richie loved his baby siblings, and he’d stab a bitch for them, but he was also constantly annoyed by them and how much they wanted to be around him. And they were often trying to get into his YouTube videos, trying to jump in-view of the camera (especially Quinn), which drove him nuts. (”MOM! DAD! MAKE THEM GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”)

The kids sometimes helped Richie with his fan-films. But Richie was very... fastidious when it came to his art, so he wouldn’t really let them do much; it was more like letting them hand him props and stuff like that. But once they got older, he allowed them to actually be in the movies... as victims, of course.

Ethan liked looking over Richie’s shoulder (to Richie’s annoyance) while he’d draw. It started out as a baby brother shadowing his big brother, but eventually he started liking the violence and the gore of it.

They’re all so protective of each other, but Richie and Quinn also low-key bully Ethan. (🖤)

Once, when Richie was 13 and Ethan was 6, Richie play-smacked Ethan on the head just a bit too hard; Ethan starts WAILING, full screaming sobs, and Richie panics, not wanting to get in trouble. He starts trying to shush Ethan and rubs his head, “Shh, shh, stop crying. You’re okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, stop crying!!” He lost his Stab privileges for a week.

Cute childhood pictures of little Richie holding his baby siblings. 🥺 Like if you feel like chewing on glass. 🙂

When they were 7, some kid pushed Ethan on the playground at school and was picking on him, so Quinn jumped on this kid and started decking him. A teacher pulled her off of him, called the parents, and Wayne had to come to the school. Quinn told him what happened, and said, “Daddy, you say we have to look out for each other.” He acted upset with her in front of the principal and fake lectured her, but once they got to the car, he told her, “That’s my girl!” No one fucks with their family.

When Quinn and Ethan were born, Quinn (being the elder twin) screamed until Ethan was finally out and their mother held them together. She has always been a protective sister!

When Ethan was little (ages 5-10), he'd go to sleep in Richie's bed with him whenever he got scared. (A nightmare or a storm, or after Richie made him watch a horror movie, before he got desensitized to them.) Richie would act so annoyed, but he'd always let him anyway. (Truly, he was annoyed, but he also felt some pride that his baby brother came to him to feel safe. 🥺)

Richie often had to deal with the twins crawling into his bed at night. These kids wouldn't leave alone. 😩

The family had a good amount money, and those kids were spoiled rotten. Wayne gave them whatever they wanted, but it was always with the best of intentions and love in his heart. (Ethan, being the baby – if only by a few minutes, was kind of a spoiled brat.)

(Part 2)

[blkkizzat]

Do you have any tips for writing fanfics? Like I wanna make my own but I’m scared people aren’t gonna like them 😭 Also how do you usually end a story? I’ve written before for school and stuff but it’s just kinda hard when I come to the end of the story…😓

-🪼

hey 🪼 babes! sorry i wrote alot so it took a min lol. take with a grain of salt though as what works for me may not work for you!

writing tips:

so first off: write for yourself. i know it's been said a million times and a worn out cliche but to break it down a bit— i feel like if you like your fic than other people will too. that is to say, we are all in the same fandom and are dorks/nerds, and like similar things even outside the fandom. i know people have their preferences on content but if you write it for your particular tastes and preferences, i promise there's other people in the fandom that will share in that too.

also even though my adhd works against me, i at least try to be organized and i always make an outline for a fic.

its super helpful to break everything up into small pieces. because then you arent staring at a blank page expecting a story to materialize from thin air LOL.

heres some things to include in your outline.

set the scene/world. where are we? what time is it? what are we initially feeling? which all Setting these things up from jump hooks in a reader as they want to feel like like are immersing yourselves in the world. especially x reader stories. i feel like x reader is so much easier to write then for two seperate characters, because if all else fails you can always call on how you personally felt or would feel in a situation then elaborate on it.

characterization. don't be afraid to make your characters a bit unlikeable, highlight their faults as you do their good parts. ex. my plug!choso fic, reader is a bitch lmfao. she takes choso for granted even though she's the happiest with him. the thing is—she knows that and it starts to eat her up. if a character can have self awareness and grow, then they have more depth than a character written with no faults.

conflict/goal. whats the conflict or what are we working towards? like even for a short pwp for ex: the goal is cum without getting interrupted/walked-in on because we are in a public bathroom. then from there you can work backwards and think. okay so what conflicts/problems would arise? where is this bathroom? what time of day is it and how many people are around? is anyone waiting on us/did we leave others to run off/will they come looking for us? you can make a conflicts out of any of those. conflicts drive the story forward and help you reach your end as its your beacon for how you progress.

ending. your ending only needs to tie the immediate conflict up. there could be an overarching conflict but you dont need to solve everything in your story. ex, continuing from the previous, y'all could be in the bathroom fucking and although the immediate conflict concerns no one interrupting you, the overarching conflict is that you both have significant others already and have yet to break this affair off. of course a pwp so you arent going to dive deep and explain the aftermath or the breakups, etc, but you can leave the story on a cliffhanger and lead the audience to guess whats next.

other tips.

don't write linearly: that is you dont have to write your story in the order of beginning, middle and end. start from wherever you want. skip around. its easier to write out the parts you do know you want then connect it together. even if its just a random piece of dialogue thats a sentence you know you want 2 scenes later, just write it down. writing is a messy process, not neat at all. which leads into... just write: even if you arent sure if you liking the idea 100% just yet write it down! you cant get to the next idea if you are stuck on why the current idea you are thinking of isn't good enough. lol this is why i say i get to a point in the process where i hate everything because ill be stuck with these meh-ideas but i know i have to get them out to get to the good idea.

edit: i edit my fics until l its something im having fun with. if you like it on first go around then thats great but just saying that to say its better to rework it or come back later to it (move on to something else in the meantime) than to put out something you aren't happy with. if you are proud of something you did that will definitely be reflected in your fic!

meditate to tap into characters: idk if you meditate often but i like to try to visualize myself in the character's shoes. what am i feeling? physically or emotionally? are there any distractions? how would i react to this? it helps with conveying character emotion, motives and makes the scene be more immersive. but in at same note, you don't have to give everything. focus on the most important aspect or two and the audience imagination will fill in the rest. some of the best compliments ppl have given me is they felt like they were watching a movie reading my fic (ty y'all the best) and i feel like its because of the immersive aspects in my fics which i take from my own reactions/experience. this also circles back to the point of liking your writing. because if you can convey what you are feeling well enough that you personally feel it re-reading your work, others will too. I hope these tips helped! 💕

[specialagentlokitty]

Lydia x Brother!reader - trust you

Lydia Martin X Brother!Reader (if ok? If not, could I request it be sibling!reader instead please?) Who has ADHD and has an interest in supernatural creatures, and Lydia has always gone to him for advice on any new threats, but when R is attacked by a monster Lydia is both worried and feeling guilty for not telling R about the supernatural world being real, but assures R that her and the pack have his back? Sorry for it being long! - Anon💜

Sitting in your room, you tapped your pen against the book in front of you as you scrolled through the webpage on your computer.

You were noting things down about druids, a current fascination of yours.

You were curious about supernatural creatures, you didn’t care that they were myths, you simply just loved learning about them, the lore behind them.

And right now you were down the rabbit hole of druids and the lore behind them, there was is much to read and learn, you hadn’t realised you had been at it nearly all day until your sister came in.

“I have a question about banshees.”

You blinked, shaking your head a little as you looked up at your sister, turning your chair around to look at you properly as you kicked your feet up on the desk.

“Go for it Lydia.”

“Well, what exactly do they do?”

“I suppose it depends on the country and the lore, some say they can predict death, when they sense or know someone is close to death the scream. It can be said that if you hear a banshee scream, you or someone close to you will die soon.”

She nodded her head, asking a few more follow up questions.

You happily answered them all, unaware of her muted phone in her pocket with the rest of her friends listening to the conversation.

When she seemed happy with everything, she smiled at you and stood up, hugging you lightly.

“Thank you!”

“Welcome, but you’ve reminded me I haven’t eaten all day so I’m going to grab some food, want anything?”

“Oh can you bring me some rice from that really nice place you go to?”

“Absolutely!”

You jumped up and tossed a hoodie on, pulling some shoes on and left your room only to go back to grab your car keys and leave.

Lydia had left just before you so you locked up the house and began to drive across the town to your favourite takeaway.

Tapping your fingers on the steering wheel, you glanced in your rear view mirror for a split second, and when you looked to the road again you slammed on your breaks.

Your car screeched to a halt and you quickly jumped out, rushing forward to make sure you hadn’t hit the person who just appeared in the middle of the road.

“Are you insane?!” You yelled.

You walked around the front of your car and furrowed your brows a little, looking around.

There was no one there, but you were sure that you had seen someone.

So, you did one last check and turned around, and the last thing you remembered was glowing blue eyes.

It was Noah who found you, he had a report of a car abandoned in the middle of the street, and he went to investigate and he just happened to see you in the edge of his headlights.

You were rushed to the hospital and into surgery, and he immediately called Stiles to tell your sister.

The whole pack were at the hospital, Stiles, Scott, Derek, Peter, Alison, Lydia, Noah and Melissa who had just finished her shift.

“Oh god.. we.. I.. I should’ve told him…” Lydia sobbed.

“You were trying to protect him..” Scott whispered.

“And now he’s dying!” Lydia snapped.

“Hey, hey he’s not dying. They said he’s doing really well, just another hour at most until they’re done.” Melissa said.

Lydia kept blaming herself and they did everything they could to try and reassure her.

At her request, one of the werewolves stayed with you at all times to keep you safe, mostly Derek or Peter.

And a few days later you woke up, in pain and groggy.

“Well hey.”

You looked to your side, brows furrowed a little.

“Mrs… McCall…?”

“Give me a second alright, don’t move.”

You gave a small nod and she did some checks on you before helping you slowly sit up and rested you against the pillows.

“The sheriff is actually outside, do you mind answering a few questions for him?”

You weakly shook your head and she brought him in.

“Can you tell me what happened that night?” He asked.

You opened your mouth and closed it again.

“I… glowing..”

“Glowing?” He asked.

“Glowing.. eyes…”

The two adults shared a look and nodded to you, and you told them what you could remember which wasn’t much.

Melissa left to call your sister and parents, and Noah stayed with you, sitting on the end of your bed helping you ease your nerves by talking to you.

You had to stay in hospital for another week and you were finally allowed to go home.

You didn’t leave your room much, you stayed inside it, and it’s what you were doing now, standing in front of your mirrored wardrobe staring at your bare chest, the deep, jagged, pink scars going across it.

There was a knock on your door, and you looked towards it to see Lydia walking in.

“Do they still hurt…?” She asked quietly.

You shrugged a tiny bit.

“A little I guess.”

Grabbing your hoodie you tossed it on, and turned to look at her.

She had tears in her eyes.

“Lydia… come here.”

You walked over and hugged her tightly, and she sobbed.

“It’s all my fault!”

“You didn’t hurt me, it’s not your fault.”

“No! No I should’ve told you straight away!”

You pulled away and frowned at her.

“It’s why I was asking all those questions! Why I come to you asking weird questions because I know you know the answers!” She sobbed.

You placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, hey tell me what’s going on? Why’re you blaming yourself?”

Lydia took a small breath and wiped her eyes.

“They’re real…”

You looked at her confused.

“Supernatural creatures are real…”

“Lydia you’re my sister, I love you most of the time, but did you hit your head.”

“No! I’m telling the truth! Just.. come with me.”

She grabbed your arm and dragged you to her car, and she drove you to a building you didn’t recognise.

She dragged you inside and you saw all her friends were stood waiting.

“Show him.” She said.

“Are you sure?” Derek asked.

“Show him please.”

They shared a look but nodded, Scott, Derek and Peter stood forward and you watched in horror as their eyes changed, faces changed.

Yellow, blue and red all staring at you, and you stumbled back into the door, dragging Lydia behind you.

You put yourself between them and her.

“They’re okay! They won’t hurt you!”

She slowly took you to the couch and they explained everything to you, and you were having a hard time processing it all.

But you just nodded along.

“So.. you’re all supernatural creatures…?”

“Me and Stiles aren’t.” Alison said.

You turned to Lydia.

“You’re… like them…?”

“No I’m a banshee…”

You just nodded your head and looked away.

“How can.. how can you feel so safe with them…?”

You mumbled.

Lydia reached out, placing her hand on your arm.

“They’re going to protect you I promise, you’re my brother, you’ve always been part of the pack.” She said.

“It was one of them that.. that did this to me…”

“It wasn’t them I swear, it was someone else we’re looking for them.” Stiles said.

You glanced at him.

“How can.. how can you feel safe with them..?”

“Because we’re trying to protect people.” He smiled.

You looked to your sister.

“I promise you, they have your back. We have your back. Okay? I promise.”

You looked at her, and glanced at the pack then turned back to Lydia.

You slowly nodded your head you weren’t sure what to think about all of this, but you trusted your sister so you wanted to trust her on this too

[illandtired]

about me<3 (tw)

Hello, I’m 17 and I’m gonna try to take my life again on my 18th birthday.

(Sorry, this jumps around a lot.)

(And it’s long….)

Also heavy topics, literally almost every trigger warning in the book.

This blog is gonna literally be my diary. I’ve attempted to make me life multiple times in the past for multiple different reasons.

I’m seventeen and I currently live alone in my mother’s house, she lives with her boyfriend. I had my biological dad who left before I was born and two step fathers. The only one I “care” about is my most recent. He entered my life when I was 6 and since then I tried telling my mother about him but for some reason it took until I was 16 for her to divorce him. He abused me severely. When I told him I was suicidal the first time he said he was gonna go get his gun then proceeded to make me beg for my life. I was I believe 12 or 13, a lot of it’s a blur like most of my life.

I don’t want to go too much into my past and make this too long, I started smoking weed in 8th grade. By 9th I was doing lines of random shit I got from kids at school off the bathroom toilets. I have touched most stuff besides heroin. The one drug I promised my mother I would stay away from. Currently I am still hooked on opioids, SSRIs, and I smoke weed/thc carts every day.

I was 6 when I was diagnosed with adhd, severe anxiety and depression. I haven’t seen a doctor since. My mother swears she’s trying to get me in but she always complains about how much my meds cost. She knows my worries about my mental state and I swear it’s impossible to get the help I need.

I’ve always been a paranoid person but it’s getting worse by the day. I’m genuinely too scared to take the trash out because I feel 800 eyes on me. I feel like there’s invisible people constantly around me judging my every move. I don’t feel real some times, and not that life is a simulation shit, I genuinely don’t feel like I’m in my body.

I started self harming in 3rd grade. It started as me being a wrist and head banger but by 5th grade I had started using thumb tacks and scratching myself. I went to my step father and he told me they weren’t Deep enough and I was just looking for attention. By 6th grade I was actually cutting, but only to where I barely saw the blood. By 8th it got to the point where I needed to see the blood run. But I’ve managed to get back to only getting it to bead up, occasionally running. I was clean for quite a few months but the smallest, SMALEST thing can set me back so much.

I’ve struggled my entire life with starving myself, binge eating, then starving myself. I’ve been an unhealthy weight a lot of my life. I’m around 240lbs now, my eating disorder is mainly starving now. My “Binges” are now small.

I have never been able to make a phone call to someone besides friends. Even family calls are hard a lot. I can barely order food at a restaurant, fancy or McDonald’s.

I’ve made money in my life from stealing, I’ve been a kleptomaniac for as long as I can remember. But I also made money doing bakery stuff for my mother, doing mechanical stuff, and babysitting. My only “legal” job was working at McDonald’s. I got fired a year after starting because we had a new manager who fired me over homophobic reasons. I hated going to work. I loved the work itself, but I hated having to be around anyone.

I’ve always been called lazy. And I feel like it’s true, I can barely find the motivation to get up to take a piss most days. I had such a hard time with organization and cleanliness as a kid so I always had a messy room, unless it was right after one of the days I got my stuff thrown away.

I never payed attention in school yet I somehow got straight As until i genuinely didn’t care anymore. I dropped out 10th grade on my 16th birthday. School was so much worse for my mental health. I was self harming almost every day, lying to myself about who I am to fit in.

I actually love learning, I wanted to get into nursing school but I know I’ll never get clean enough. I even study biology, trig, physics, crime scene investigation, all sorts of stuff. I have notebooks and notebooks that I’ve filled with information I’ll never use.

I was 10 when I got my first boyfriend. He was 18, a relationship on discord. It lasted a couple years at least. I was sexually assaulted multiple times growing up and I don’t wanna go into more detail in this post. But due to my sexual trauma i became very hyper sexual very young. I still am to this day, I sell pictures to creepy men online because I know I won’t be able to get any other job. But at the same time it’s basically been implemented in my brain I’m good for sex and nothing more. I feel so utterly disgusted with myself after every sexual experience in my life from sex to just sending nudes.

I grew up a chubby girl with big tits. It was 6th grade i started having boys desperate to touch them. I had Ds by then. I’m a F-G now (depends on the bra). My own step father and his sons who were much older than me started sexualizing me when I was about 13. One of my step brother was creepy since he entered my life.

I’ve had so many important parts of my life taken from me. My Virginity with a man was raped away when I was 14 on Christmas. My self worth was barely existent but it was gone completely by 9th grade. My first “good boyfriend” was when I was 15, he was 18. He filmed us one night after I asked him not to multiple times, but the next day a video of me having my brains fucked out was all over my school. It was a smaller school, but even some of the female teachers sided with him because he was the “king” of the school. I missed my middle school graduation which doesn’t seem like much to most people, but I knew I was going to drop out and never have a high school graduation. I was even selected to write a speech and go up and speak at the podium but due to anxiety from both situations I missed the whole thing entirely because I tried to kill myself that night.

Most of my attempts have been overdose attempts, and that’s for a reason. I couldn’t imagine my mother finding me and my brains splattered on the wall. But out of everything, no it’s not my mother that’s kept me alive. It’s been my best friend. I live in the states and he lives in Scotland. We’ve been friends for years, we met through my ex and were completely like the opposite of each other but we care about each other. And unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be able to meet him. We were going to meet when I turn eighteen because he’ll be turning 21 and can legally drink here, I can legally drink there.

I care about nothing more than him and it pains me that I know he will be disappointed when he realizes I gave up. I don’t plan on telling him anything.. we have a thing where if he’s gone for a month he’s on a mental health break, but two months he’s dead and I have his permission to kill myself. I’m going to tell him he has to wait a year for me because I might be in the mental hospital.

Back to simple things I can’t do, I would rather claw my own eyes out than be alone with a man in a room. But my best friend is the one exception. I haven’t gone on a date since new years. As soon as we got to his house, it wasn’t even 5 minutes before he had a gun pressed in my side.

Yet at the same time I feel like my only purpose is to make men happy in any way I can. Even if it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to do it. Because that’s all I’ve ever been good at and praised for.

There was about a week in my life and it was somewhat recent. I told myself I wasn’t going to attempt again because no matter what life won’t suck that bad. Being homeless was the happiest time of my life, sure I can be on the street and cold, no money, but I no longer have responsibilities and I get to walk which I love doing. I used to sneak out at night and go on long ass walks normally from 10pm to 3-5am.

More things about substances, once again I’m sorry for jumping around. I started smoking cigarettes in 6th grade, provided by my step father and girlfriend. I started drinking in 8th grade but now it takes half a bottle of tequila for me to be at a happy level of drunk. Or 4 bottles of cheap wine, or an entire bottle of rum. Anyways I feel like I’m rambling on and on so I’m gonna try to wrap this up.

What’s the main reason I want to kill myself? Because I know I will never be able to live a normal life. But my one goal as a kid was to make it to 18.

[aspd-thoughts]

I feel this blog so hard. I have to say this though, Why do NCB's and specifically non ASPD's think watching a movie together is actually spending time together. I could watch the same movie myself, same for them. Like sure whatever ~ the presence of a loved one ~ but can we at least do something that does not make my brain eat itself with a desire to run back into my room okay thanks

Lol, I feel ya on this one actually. Sorta. Like, I have ADHD, I can’t sit still for long, much less for a whole movie. For me to be entertained, it either needs to be impossibly good, or so bad it’s good. I understand hatewatching as a social thing, and having conversations while you’re watching something good, but just… sitting? And watching a movie? Nah I’m out fam. We could easily watch the same movie and text each other while we’re doing it, and then neither of us has to sit still out of embarrassment about jumping around like a maniac as a stim.

this sorta turned into a rant about ADHD. sorry. I agree with you.