#i’m so tired just let me exist
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nobody will ever convince me the act of getting purely cosmetic surgeries- especially life threatening ones, is more empowering than coming to terms with your body. you don’t have to love your body. you don’t even have to like it. getting cosmetic procedures will only make you hate all the other things you don’t like about yourself even more. your body was not made to be “attractive”. and let me clarify, none of this blame is to be based on women in the big picture. yes- women have undeniably contributed to the normalization of these invasive and dangerous surgeries, this wouldn’t even be an issue if men didn’t think the entire existence of a woman is to cater to them.
#radical feminists do touch#fat liberation#radical feminism#radical feminist community#radical feminists do interact#radblr#radfeminism#radfemblr#i’m so tired just let me exist
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hey not everything is about trans people???? i don’t mind interacting with terfs, and i believe that they do have a lot of understandable and genuine critiques of the trans community!!!! but when you make issues like this about transgenderism, it completely waters down the actual issue. have whatever opinion on trans people you want, but i find it incredibly disrespectful and distasteful to the actual victims and children that were murdered.
Trans activists:
'Woman is an identity and a social construct'
Planet Earth:
#radical feminism#feminist#radfem#radical misandrist#radblr#radical feminists do touch#tirf#tirfblr#i’m so tired just let me exist#literally what the fuck
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It’s even worse that most of the GA doesn’t like him now because he’s played by a horrible person like i remember when the GA were praising him during season 4 and empathizing with him and they were the same ones that began the phrase “The show started with will it’ll end with will” now almost everyone in the fandom and the GA combined hates him and it’s sad to see because he’s literally the most unproblematic character in the show.
#I don’t like noah but whatever happened to separating actors from the characters?#will byers is NOT noah schnapp#noah just so happens to be the one that plays will unfortunately#and will shouldn’t be getting hate just because over a ship like he literally saved mileven and he’s constantly getting hated on#will isn’t running around praising byler he’s literally mileven’s number 1 shipper#and yet he still gets so much hate over a ship and gets called homophobic slurs over a ship#it’s ridiculous#the show wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for him#one of the reasons why this show used to be so good was because of him#ever since they sidelined him after season 2 that’s where the duffers went wrong#and one of the reasons why the show fell down#i’m tired of all the hate will gets and it’s true#how are you gonna be a billy apologist and hate will at the same time lmao#how are you gonna like steve which don’t get me wrong i love him but let’s not forget his roots and how he was an asshole#in the beginning of the show and he literally insulted will#will should be the last character to gain so much hate#stranger things#will byers#mike wheeler#byler
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Telling me that I just need to be positive about my chronic illness
And then telling me that I talk about it too much and I-
I’m sorry that I mention the condition that affects me every minute of every day. You think I’m mentioning it too much but I’m not mentioning it enough for how much it affects my life.
*Internal screaming*
Just me being mad about something a ‘friend’ said cause he’s kinda turning into an ableist piece of shit
#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#chronic pain#fatigue#i just want to sleep#chronically ill#i hate everything#im so tired#fuck this#just let me exist#without your constant opinion#of what my life should be#it doesn’t help that someone else preached about how I needed god and jesus for a solid like half hour#I’m not Christian#I was raised Christian#I do not believe in any god#and even after I said that you still fucking preached and wrongly quoted the bible and Christianity as a whole#it’s been a day lol
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exhausted of existing ✌️
#after college I moved back home#mistake but like. no clue what I’m doing with my life.#I got two part time jobs so I was working basically full time#however I was basically let go of the one job a couple of weeks ago#I am starting an internship in January where I will be moving far far away#I thought it was reasonable to expect to just work part-time for a couple of months until I leave for the internship#Wrong. apparently my mother has been furious at me for months because I haven’t had an in-person full-time job#last night we had an hours-long argument that basically boiled down to “you will pay rent to live in my house and be my maid…#or you are kicked out.#thanks mom!! and she has the gall to say that I’m selfish and don’t love her enough.#she’s a narcissistic and conspiracy-theory-believing terf so#anyway. so now I’m stuck doing like quite literally all of the chores around the house AND paying her like at least $500 of rent to her#monthly AND she wants me to get another job for a couple months somehow too.#Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so tired of existing in this way.#I never talk about my personal life on here but. I’m just so pissed off at her.
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umm
#I’ll be honest i’m trying not to let it get to me and i’m trying to convince myself that what happened to me friday night wasn’t because of#transphobia but all the other explanations fail and transphobia is kinda the only one that makes Sense and i just hate like#constantly being faced w the confirmation that i can’t ever exist in public without people being disgusted by me and trying to make my life#more difficult because they don’t think i deserve the same dignity as people around me i don’t Know im rambling im bitching i’m whining it#doesn’t matter it’s whatever i’m WHINING but i just i don’t know don’t i deserve the dignity of being allowed to pee in a fucking public#toilet without being harassed im tired im tired i’m so tired of being gnc and transsexual and#i hate that this part of me that i’ve worked so hard to accept is something that will always make others find me disgusting
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so 😃 my mom threw something at me again today
#all bc i was crying about how we don’t have food and she won’t talk about what we’re going to do about it#she stress procrastinates and acts like problems don’t exist#but to do it the point where your children are starving and you still don’t want to address it bc you can’t handle it? imagine how we feel#*to the point#so neglectful and i’m tired of mom guilt ppl saying i should be understanding#eldest child syndrome fr like i was my sibling other parent figure#*siblings#my mom just wants to be unhealthy and live that way rather than address issues that are actively hurting us all#’you can’t ever let me relax’ we need to eat?????????#📜.scrolls#🫁.vent
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GODDD getting accommodations at work should not be this fucking hard.
where is my Star Trek utopia where we don’t even have to worry about this ridiculous back-and-forth bureaucracy rife with miscommunications and where people will just be fuckin decent to disabled & chronically ill folks 🫠🫡
#personal#I’m so fucking exhausted#also someone is fuckin lying because how does one person say x action is done and one says it isn’t and they’re supposed to be working#together???? what the fuckkk#anyways today has been a fucking stress whirlwind and I hate it. why can’t we just let disabled and chronically ill ppl EXIST god#I’d like to not be penalized at work for medicallly necessary things and also not have to jump thru 2069682819 fuckin hoops to get that#like hmmmmm maybe we could just try being decent to ppl instead idk just a thought#I’m so tired of the bureaucracy and everyone not communicating at all like !!!! I am Trying My Hardest here can ppl give me a crumb of#cooperation like !!!!! . please#anyways shout out to my new boss for at least being exponentially more gracious accommodating non-bullying and over all more decent than my#old boss lmao 🤪#ok like my new boss is actually pretty cool and I love that I can tell when she’s as fed up and eye rolling as me lol#love having a boss who isn’t an active bully and gaslighter 👍🏻
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I'm come asking a lore question ☝️if you can't answer or wouldn't like to answer on main on Tumblr dot com THEN THATS OK u can just delete...the ask lol....sorry 🫡 BUT IF NOT THOSE CASES! THEN!
in....Robin's bamnd.....who does what....like who's vocalist etc etc.....also this made me think I should draw b3nt and ghost host bangin out the tunes again. I lobv them
TEEHEE HI TWIRLS HAIR
Jubilee is the vocalist/guitarrist, Robin is the drummer and Mark is the bassist (but Robin and Mark also do secondary vocals) <3
I’ve been meaning to draw them playing but I don’t have the time + I’m working on a band name for them and their music style inspo playlist bc I’m just so normal
b3nt and ghost host are everything ever I need to draw them agh
#lemon man talks#Little guys#they are so important to me#I’m very tired and I forgot like every word ever#is secondary vocals a thing that exists#When it comes to vocals imagine they’re like AJR#There’s Jack (vocalist) and then there’s Adam and Ryan (eventually sing)#And by “Jack” let’s just say… jubilee#oc talk
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worst thing about being disabled is that now I am fully and completely aware of exactly how much I am worth to everyone I know. And it is not a lot!!
#like. it gets to me. A lot of the time it’s ohhh your life is priceless and. Well. Okay I did just see you put a price on it though.#like. It’s not always blatant but the laziness comments get to me. The stupid comments get to me. The money comments also get to me.#Either all life is precious or I am a drain on society. you cannot have both.#Why is my life worth less than twenty dollars. Better yet why are YOU gambling with MY life. wear your FUCKING masks.#like I’m usually fine bc I simply do not have the capacity for any more shit. I am existing in less dimensions than most ppl and Not Aware#And then when I am better I experience two entire years of Concentrated Cosmic Horror before I fold back down into being two dimensional#Cosmic horror? Eldritch horror? I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW. what I do know is that I straight up Do Not believe in the soul anymore bc of this!#like I’m horrified!! It is literally horrifying. If I still had all of me I could write some deeply fucked up metaphor but rn what I’ve got#Is like. okay so I’m supposed to be like. A galaxy on the inside folded into a person shape. Right#there’s stuff happening in there. three to five trains of thought at once etc. etc. and that is not what I have anymore. what I have now is#like. One planet and a white dwarf. not even a neutron star. And everything else went out so gradually that I didn’t really notice but#I woke up one morning and it’s not there and then I got into the habit of not looking up bc that’s a lot of work and I have to keep paintin#galaxies on the ash of this stupid little planet. And then I experience random bandaid treatment and Have The Knowledge again and.#I get to experience Plato’s allegory of the cave in REAL TIME and involuntarily!!#It really does suck that the only time I am able to comprehend the magnitude of my loss is when I’m not experiencing it!! bad times!!#I’m tired of being agreeable. Wear masks. Petition for air purifiers in public spaces. Or I start biting for real#if you notice I’m dealing with long covid a. BADLY. you’re right!! Gold fucking star! I challenge ANYONE to deal with The Bullshit actually#I’m not going to let myself be martyred for the fucking. Economy. Bull FUCKING shit.
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So yesterday I (French), had to do a wisdom teeth operation (in a French hospital) while having a general anesthesia (yes it hurts that bad that they had to put me asleep).
And then me (still French) woke up in the waking room (still in France in a French hospital) and asked in the millisecond of me waking up, before even opening my eyes « How much longer until the dizziness wears off? » (in English)… (English..???)
Yes English.
But it gets worse : I didn’t even realize it at first, until one of the nurse laughed and said « Elle est entrain de parler anglais! » « quelqu’un parle anglais? Je comprends pas ce qu’elle dit » (« She’s speaking english ! » « Does someone speak English? I don’t understand what she’s saying »).
And then. Upon realizing that I was speaking english, I realized something even more horrible : I couldn’t speak french anymore.
Like I understood french (obviously and pretty much normal when you are BORN AND RAISED FRENCH), but I couldn’t for the life of me remember how to speak french for a solid TWO MINUTES.
And two minutes might seem okay, but no it isn’t. It is NOT "okay"
Anyway I made the nurses laugh which is a win to me anyway.
#also my little brother did the same surgery as me 45 min before and was still in the waking room when I came back from mine#and he decided to address me a middle finger because he was completely off because of the anesthesia and thought he was funny#spoiler alert: it was actually#I woke up with the anesthesia shooting me physically but not mentally (which apparently should have)#so it was really funny seeing him like that (not that he is any less dumb usually)#I made him a heart with my hand right after#he made one back#Wich let’s be honest wouldn’t have happened in any other situation lmaooo#🫶🏼#Also I’m coughing blood#but they said it was normal so I guess I’m just gonna have fun and play with the members of my family who are gonna visit today#Like « Oh no I’m coughing blood what is happening#actually no I shouldn’t#still debating it#surgery#bilingual issues#bilingual issues I didn’t know could exist but apparently does#But I guess it makes sense since I think in English A LOT and the anesthesia was still shouting me down enough for me not to switch back#Whatever bye I’m tired and my mouth the size of a balloon#(a win is a win)
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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I don’t have the spoons at ALL to call Netflix after they fucked up our account and tell them to fix it but I would like to put on something for some mindless relaxation time that isn’t an asmr or gaming stream….. gonna just start pirating shit bc I’m fed up and so burnt out.
#they kicked us out of the account. our login didn’t work. I changed the login. they let us back in after the password was reset.#then they kicked us out again when I signed in on my phone instead of the tv. then they reset the account like we were creating a new one#so that it was like two accounts existed on the one email. they seemed to have deleted the ‘new’ one. then it seemed to be back.#need to get access back to the original account. but I’m so fucking fed up.#they refunded the second charge so we weren’t paying twice for it but genuinely what the fuck. fuck y’all.#anyway tldr can’t use our fucking Netflix account#and I’m so tired#like I don’t have time to explain this to underpaid customers service reps and hopefully get it fixed#bc I’m trying my best to just manage work and classes and health and whatever#god that’s so ranty it makes it sound worse than it is but the Netflix thing has me annoyed#I’d love to put the dragon prince on rn and just veg out turn my brain off#but no#laur speaks!
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#txt#erm….. tonight is not good today was not good.#got even more confirmation that my friends hate me so that’s nice.#the only one i think still doesn’t hate me had no problem texting in the group chat i’m not fucking in with everyone but me while i was#right there. and telling me about it. so.#and i now know at least one of them hates me and thinks i hate them. but i don’t and i feel so bad because i know i’m horrible at talking.#i know. i know i’m a horrible person to try to talk to because i’m selfish and annoying and say the wrong things and i know. i didn’t mean#to make them feel uncomfortable but i can’t just be a fucking normal person#i really can’t stand this anymore i really can’t#i’d rather them all just stop talking to me and for me to be solidly alone instead of this horrible fucking standstill#i know. i know i’m a horrible person. i know they don’t love me and i know i don’t deserve for them to love me so why are they pretending#like they still do.#im just so tired of this i’m so tired of having to exist in this stupid fucking world where i know i’m awful and can’t do anything right an#don’t deserve to be able to.#and i feel so bad because the girl i’ve been helping in one of my classes is going to fail. and i feel like if i could just be better or h#have started helping her earlier or stood up for her to the teacher she wouldn’t. but instead i have to be horrible at comforting people#and have to try to comfort her while she’s sobbing because her parents aren’t going to let her drive#and i just feel so awful#im so awful my school is so awful i don’t want to fucking be here.#i cannot wait for the year to be over at least i can be alone in my room and not have to annoy anyone or hurt anyone#well i still probably will because that’s just how i fuckign am but. hopefully less .#anyways gonna rewatch some more glee i guess
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ahsjkds rant/vent in the tags
#i fucking LOVE having to hug my friend as they sob bc our rights r actively being revoked#i’m literally 16 years old. i don’t even have my permit yet.#it shouldn’t be up to us kids. i shouldn’t have to tell them that we’ll fix it and make it all ok one day#it’s not that fucking hard to let trans people exist. it’s really not.#and yet#i just. ughajdnfjkw#they were sobbing. and all i could do was promise that i’d try and fix it.#i’m pissed and tired and upset and all i can do about it is hope that my emails and club speeches actually do something while i wait#there are wonderful adults who are fighting for us and i cherish them greatly#but that doesnt change the fact that the government - the very people i was raised to believe we’re there to protect me - is actively#passing laws in favor of my suicide.#and the only thing i can do about it in the meantime is comfort my friends and hope they give my email the light of day#it’ll be okay. we can fix this and save our community. i know we can.#i just wish this wasn’t something we have to do in the first place#this is gonna sound indelicate but i wish i still flinched when getting called a faggot#i’m not sure if this makes sense but it feels like i lost something when i started teaching myself to remain neutral in the face of bigotry#i want to be mad and upset but instead i’m carefully crafting how im perceived and judged at every moment#where’s the justice in me forcing myself to watch bigoted videos at the age of 14 so i wouldn’t be caught off guard or shocked when harassed#tell me where the fuck the justice is in that.#sorry for all this rambling i’m just upset
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i don’t think I’m like actually allowed to be happy or that I even know how to be anymore
#whimsy whispers#this isn’t me asking for permission to be happy by the way#it doesn’t matter if everyone in the world told me I was allowed to be happy I wouldn’t believe them and it wouldn’t make me like able to#suddenly be happy either#idk this post hasn’t got a point#everything just feels bad and hopeless and sad and idk what to do anymore when existing sucks so much and I know I’m never going to be happy#I just feel like I’m being suffocated or drowning or something#rn is actually a better day because I feel fairly empty which is far preferred for being in tears#like I just don’t know what to do at this point I feel so unhappy and unloved and alone and there’s nothing I can do#I can’t just fix anything I can’t just be happy I can’t make myself be loved I can’t do anything#all I can do is let each day pass by either feeling like it’s the end of the world and wishing that it really were or feeling empty#there’s no relief#it’s not that i want to be like this but I can’t help it#I want to be happy and loved and surrounded by people who love me but as I am I’m unfit for love and I honestly haven’t felt genuinely loved#I’m so long and at this point all I���m doing is making those around me feel worse so isn’t it best if I just stop being in peoples lives#so that’s what I’m up to now#I’ll be unhappy regardless but at least other people will hopefully be happier without me being so sad around them all the time#I make myself tired so I can only imagine how tired everyone else is of me
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