#like I’m usually fine bc I simply do not have the capacity for any more shit. I am existing in less dimensions than most ppl and Not Aware

[magpiesbones]

worst thing about being disabled is that now I am fully and completely aware of exactly how much I am worth to everyone I know. And it is not a lot!!

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons: 

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him: 

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

[detonizing]

headcanon.

50 headcanon challenge prompted by @bnharpchub​ bc so many people were doing it on dash and my restraint is only so strong 

coming up with 50 new headcanons was so difficult jfc AWOEINAWE i cheated a bit and some of them mention hcs I already wrote about before, but I did my best to focus on a different part of it to give it a new spin so it’s technically new....ish. awoieNAWEIAWNE

he learned how to cook because his parents were always busy and he wasn’t going to just expect them to cook for him when he could just do it himself ( he learned a whole LOT of things because he realized he could just do it himself )

he doesn’t usually keep things for sentiment reasons. there ARE a few exceptions, but for the most part if it’s important enough to remember he’ll just simply remember it 

he likes the view from up high. mountain climbing really made him aware of that, and it was a part of the reason why he wanted to learn how to fly ( that, and just the fact of it being practical, using his quirk to enhance movement ) 

sometimes puts on a clear coat of nail strengthening polish during weeks of particular harsh training. he would put on coloured polish too, but they often get ruined very quickly because of how much he uses his hands and so he doesn’t see the point to do it often 

his sweat isn’t actually toxic ( mostly bc I do NOT want to deal with all the problems having toxic sweat would cause, but there is more to it that I’ll write in depth of another day when I’m less lazy ) 

His volume is one of the few ways he feels like he can be heard. His mother is also a very loud person, and growing up he would be stuck in situations where if he doesn’t yell LOUDER, he won’t be heard. If he is WILLINGLY quiet around you, that is a sign of trust, a sign that he’s comfortable enough to not feel the need to be loud. 

he cannot stand his mouth being covered, nor does he take well to being told to keep quiet. He GETS that not many people appreciate his loudness. He KNOWS there is always time and place. But being loud is a defensive mechanism, and it being taken away against his will just messes with him a lot. 

speaking of, a large part of why he got the ‘i dont give a fuck about anyone else’ attitude is because no one would really care about him. It wasn’t just because he had a big head. He was acutely aware that people around him would praise him and rise him up, but never actually listen to him or cared what he wants. Why should he care about other people if no one gave a fuck about him? ( he knows better now )

he’s cautious about giving villains second chances. it’s not like he’s against giving villains a chance at redemption ( he knows he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he was ) but he also is realistic, and knows that some people are just shitheads and will refuse to change no matter what. knows that some people will take advantage of people with bleeding hearts ( cOUGHS like dEKU’s COUGHS ) and so he’s just. very wary and distrusting. he’ll give you a chance, but he’s going to watch you during it. 

if the ranking system of heroes gets abolished, it won’t really affect Katsuki’s goals. from the start when he says ‘number one hero’ what he cares most about is being number one by HIS standards. ofc he was planning to get ranked number one too, but if such a system falls apart, he’d just make sure he becomes the Best till no one can argue against it either way 

katsuki has always used his quirk often. he hates rules regulating quirk use because it’s so stupid to him. how the hell was he going to become number one if he didn’t know how to use his own damn quirk? ofc he still tried to abide by the law well enough, in public refraining for the most part ( but his middle school very obviously was super lacking in discipline so he just didn’t bother hiding his usage of quirk there )

his quirk acts up when he has high emotion — but MOST of the time, that is less him losing control and more of a conscious decision on his part. resisting the urge to explode when his body is aching to is dangerous, so it’s better to let loose small, controlled, explosions when the time comes. He works hard to keep control of his quirk, he knows when it’s best to just let explosions loose and when he can hold it in

even without explosions he has a habit of his fingers twisting or fist clenching when he’s high strung. restricting his hands in any way, esp during these times, are an absolute no for him. he WILL react violently if you take away his only method of physically defending himself. 

the reason why he NEEDS to be able to defend himself at all times comes from his lack of trust. He doesn’t WANT to rely on other people, because they could mess up so it’s just better to do it himself. so if people try and stop him from doing it himself.... just nope. 

he’s so so so SO bad at accepting compliments. he’s used to empty meaningless compliments, praise for things he didn’t even earn, so getting actual compliments that are WORTH something. it’s. a lot. he doesn’t know how to properly handle it yet so his first reaction is to reject it somehow ( either by telling the person they are being an idiot, or finding fault in the compliment itself, or something along those lines ) 

he has a base respect for pro heroes in general, because he understands that they have experience he is obviously lacking being a student. but he won’t be blinded by their status. if they fuck up, they fuck up and no ‘hero’ status will keep him from recognizing that 

he doesn’t actually hate quirkless people. he never really has. he had a problem with DEKU, but not exactly quirkless people in general. he started calling Izuku as “Deku” before he knew that he would never get a quirk. He called him ‘deku’ because izuku would fail at bouncing a ball or skipping stones and such ( back then, almost ALL people were ‘useless’ to him, not just quirkless people aoweinaoweianwe ) 

he as sharp teeth. not enough to be called fangs or anything, but they are definitely sharper than average ( he’s a little gremlin so I must give him sharp teeth ) 

he’s still struggling to ask for help. he can easily admit that he needs backup when it comes to hero works — knows that teamwork is essential at times and saving and BEING saved in turn is how being a hero is. BUT for PERSONAL things? Outside of being a hero? As a person??? He doesn’t know HOW to ask for help with that. 

He’s ALWAYS been super independent. so people just. expect him to be fine on his own. HE himself expected to be fine on his own. But by the time he realized wait no, I’m not fine. People stopped trying to check up on him. ( until U.A., but then old habits die hard. but he’s learning ) 

he tends to shower at night more than in the mornings, because he often works out not too long before bed. he also just takes more than one shower a day if needed ofc he takes hygiene seriously

he HATES when he can’t get a full night’s sleep. And sadly ever since getting kidnapped it’s been happening more and more often. he’s unused to functioning without a full eight or nine hours, so he gets cranky all day and feels fucking awful. He used to hate naps, felt like a waste of his day, but they’ve become a bit of a necessity with how shit his sleeping pattern has become. ( plus jordyn’s shoto has shown him the wonders of napping aowienawe ) 

he doesn’t take long to get ready in the morning. even if he needs to dress differently for an occasion or anything, he doesn’t spend long trying to decide what to wear

his quirk isn’t affected by rain or water like people would expect, but it’s fucking COLD so he still hates getting wet

he’s really good at fighting even without his quirk. he absolutely has thought of situations where he couldn’t use his quirk to full capacity, and so he decided he needed to kick ass even without it

he’s really level-headed in battle!!! despite how he acts, he ALWAYS considers all options and acts on the best one. He just thinks really fast and acts the way he does so it SEEMS like he’s charging in without thinking ahead. That being said, he used to often underestimate his opponents so he’d sometimes make the wrong call. He’s getting MUCH better at not doing that lately tho

he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday. he gets well wishes from his family, often they’d get a cake maybe, but he doesn’t really WANT or NEED presents, so he had his parents stop trying to gift him things years ago. His birthday is SUPER close to the beginning of the year, so it is often times overlooked by his peers too, but he doesn’t care

Katsuki is demisexual!! He can recognize when people are traditionally attractive, but he doesn’t really fucking care and isn’t attracted TO them. It’s only once they’ve become someone he actually CARES about could he then develop any feelings beyond platonic ones ( no love at first sight here )

he’d NEVER pick up smoking, and even when of age he’d very rarely drink. He wouldn’t want his health to deteriorate by stuff like that. And he wouldn’t want his ability to think be hindered by alcohol

he doesn’t like lying unless for good reason ( like hiding ofa ) but he doesn’t see lying by omission as the same. To him, that’s just him deciding it’s no one’s business and so there’s no need for him to admit to anything

people have tried to bully him as a kid. we’ve seen him chase off older kids in canon before. It wasn’t just a one time thing. It was pretty constant, actually. Other kids, usually those older than him, would hear about him and his attitude and try and ‘put him in his place’ It’s not like he was very popular as a kid, it’s just that Katsuki always WON any fights so no one could actually do anything to him

his nicknames, for the most part, aren’t actually meant to be insulting. Besides like Deku, and when he called Todoroki “holding back bastard”, the rest are just,,, descriptions in his mind aowienAWE ThEY ARE RUDE AF but he doesn’t actually seek out the rudest name he can think of to call people. It’s just whatever comes to mind first

he doesn’t actually mind when people call him out on his shit anymore. he’d in fact admit that they have guts to do so. If they try and call him out on BULLSHIT though, then he’d get angry bc they are just wasting his goddamn time. 

he KNOWS when his classmates are purposefully manipulating him to doing something by phrasing it as a challenge. It’s just he doesn’t give a shit, he’ll rise to the challenge anyways and prove them all WRONG. 

If he really doesn’t wanna do something, there’s absolutely nothing that could get him to do it 

his way of SHOWING that he cares is through actions and gifts. Doing things for people ( studying, cooking, etc ) that he cares about comes naturally to him

On the contrary, he struggles to process it when people try and show that they care the same way. He doesn’t like getting gifts, and he rather do the things he needs to himself??? The easiest way he can understand people showing that they care is through quality time. If you are willing to spend time with him, seek him out? He can get that means you WANT to. ( if this is proven wrong it’d shake his entire acceptance in that person. he’d struggle to believe that they care for him at all in any way after ) 

once you broke his trust, it’s impossible to gain it back. he DOESNT trust easily. he takes so many careful measures to prevent himself from trusting the wrong person. if he gave you his trust you better fucking treasure it, because it’s only given out once. That being said, there are different levels of trust that katsuki gives out — as seen on his relationship page. Level two trust is when it starts getting serious. If you have that, that’s when if broken it’s unfixable. Level one trust is a toss up if broken, very dependent on situation

soft smiles are hard to come by from katsuki! We’ve all seen his confident grins in the face of danger all the time — he smiles a lot during challenges and battle!! But soft ones? Full of fondness and love? They are pretty rare. And even when they DO happen, often it’s only when no one can see

His EYES are actually what turns soft first!! You have a better chance catching his eyes and eyebrows turn a bit less aggressive, but again they aren’t exactly common per say. He doesn’t like showing such expression unless he feels like attention is off him. ( he just. isn’t USED to expressing himself this way. so he doesn’t really like when people draw attention to when he does. because it makes him feel like he did something wrong, in a way )

it’s actually easy to make katsuki flustered and embarrassed. he’S not uSED to it so he’s weak let him live aowieNAWE his ears are the first to turn red!!! but if you really get him embarrassed he does go completely red sorry kats

he does all of his homework well in advance. he hates leaving ANYTHING to the last minute, really

he’s done modeling work as a kid. sometimes he still does, but very rarely. He doesn’t exactly hate doing it, but he just isn’t the least bit interested so he rather spend his time doing something else. When he does do it, you bet he takes it 100% seriously.

he won’t argue if someone calls him a shit person. he knows that he is, and he refuses to deny that. what DOES piss him off though is when people solely focus on how shit of a person he is to the extend of disregarding the perfect results he gives. He’s a shit person, but he’s still the BEST and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

he also knows that he is changing, because it’s a conscious effort on his part TO change. But that’s also the thing. He’s working hard to not be shitty ALL the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at his core, he’s still not a NICE person. he’s acutely aware that the things he struggles so much with, comes so easy to other people. He wont let this STOP him , he’s never called it quits before just because something was difficult for him, but it still sucks. knowing just how much effort he’s putting into this when some people barely think about it at all

katsuki was well versed in medical knowledge even before U.A. Not because he was thinking about how heroes may need to give emergency care on the field, but just from his own injuries during self training. he needed to know how to treat them properly so it doesn’t cause him problems in the future 

katsuki runs hot, but he gets cold easily. Because he’s used to keeping himself running at high temperatures, his concept of cold is different than most other’s. Suddenly being in like sixty five degrees Fahrenheit feels COLD to him

intended use for furniture are only suggestions. That means yes, he WILL sit on top of desks and counters, stand on top of chairs, and put his feet on the bed while he lays on the floor if he so goddamn chooses. 

no matter how close with a person he is, he’ll eventually need time alone and his personal space left untouched. It takes a lot to get to the point where physical touch is something he’d allow, ( having both touch starvation and touch aversion in equal parts ) but even with people he is completely comfortable with, sometimes it still gets to be TOO mUCH and he needs to step back. he has bad days, too. where just a brush of contact would set him off and he can’t understand himself why it happens. all he knows is that he really hates those days.

it still stings, the knowledge that All Might never even considered him for a possible successor. he was RIGHT THERE when all might picked izuku, after all. and all might can say all he wants about how ‘he was already powerful, he wanted to give midoriya a fighting chance’ or whatever. he knows he was never a contender. it’s not that he WANTS ofa though. he is perfectly happy with his quirk. It’s not even that it’s deku who ended up getting it, he in retrospect is glad deku can fight him now. It’s just. in the end, he’s always always lacking something. it just fuels to his belief of never being good enough when it counts. because HE is NEVER anyone’s first choice to be the up and coming number one. He’s GOING to be. He’ll prove EVERYONE wrong. But, it sure would be nice. Someone else believing in him, too.

[safarigirlsp]

You only recommended fics with Flip, Kylo, Clyde, Charlie, and a few with Sackler? Do you not like the other Adam characters? Pale, Paterson, Paul, Ronnie, Jude, and others? Why not? You recommended some Sackler fics. Would you write for him? Why don't you like men being submissive? Or threesomes? I think they’re hot so I’m just curious. Hope this doesn't sound rude. Just curious.

I feel like you guys enjoy asking me things that will piss off half the people on here lol.

I will qualify this all by saying these are only my opinions and I respect the opinions others have that differ from mine. Nor do I have any desire to convince anyone else that my opinions hold any external validity.

Regarding writing that appeals to me, number one is good writing and an interesting story or setting. The character is less important to me, but I obviously have my favorites. The writers I recommend are all genuinely great writers, and pretty much everything they write is wonderful. The quality of writing is what makes it good, not a specific character.

I recommend my favorite fics when asked. My favorite fics obviously will usually include my favorite characters. If I was asked about recs for fics with other characters, I would be happy to give my recommendations, although I don’t read as much for the other characters. My absolute favorites to read and write are Flip and AU Kylo’s or AU Ben’s.

Sackler can be fun to read and, yes, I did fast-forward through watch the entire Girls series for the Sackler scenic value. Honestly, season 6 Sackler is probably the hottest Driver look to me, but I can tell you that based on those pictures from the Last Duel set, that is 1000% going to be my favorite! Long hair and big muscles?!? Yes, please! I wouldn’t be totally opposed to writing Sackler if someone hit me with an idea that I really liked for him, and I’m working on something with @sydneyssmut on him too. The reason he’s not on my lineup is simple though- I’m old and the more mature characters appeal to me more than he does, and I like characters more that have some darkness to them. Apply the same principle to Altman before anyone asks about him next lol.

I’m not that interested in the other characters but I don’t dislike them. They just don’t appeal to me as much personally. With the exception of Pale, I find the other characters too vanilla and frankly boring. There’s no action or verve. Ronnie’s alright, he’s borderline for me, probably because he has a machete lol. I do enjoy Toby, despite his perve-stash, even though you didn’t ask about him specifically.

Pale is different. I just simply have no exposure to him other than through various fics, so I don’t feel an attachment to him as a character. I will say that the character as I understand him, a coke addict who is cheating on his wife and children with a floozy, is not appealing to me on its face. However, he does seem to be entertaining. Maybe I’d be into him if I’d seen the play. Probably watching Driver walk around in tiny kimono in real life would have pushed me over the edge. I have genuinely enjoyed some Pale fics that have a humorous angle to him. He seems like a good character for humor. I can recommend some of those if anyone wants.

On your submissive men question. I love men being submissive to their woman when she wants to be in control, and I’m all about men doing what their woman wants and pleasing her how she wants. That’s different from a subby guy, which doesn’t appeal to me personally. I’m not personally into things like degradation, humiliation, pegging, subby men who want to be dominated, etc. I am ALL about dominant men or service top men and alpha males. That’s how I HC and will write the characters I’m into. I love dominant women too and I am one lol. My favorite dynamic is two powerful badasses having hot ass sex with lots of praise lol.

Regarding threesomes and group stuff, it just doesn’t appeal to me. It’s not something I find offensive or anything like that, I’ve simply never had that as a fantasy in any capacity. I’m an extremely loyal and territorial person and a one man sort of woman. The thought of wanting another man touching me when I’m involving with someone is not a concept I can relate to. I would also want my man to rip off any appendage of another man that touched me lol bc I sure as hell would do the same to another woman who touched him lol. I want my man to be too possessive and territorial to allow anyone else to touch me, because that’s sure as hell how I am! Looking and envying is fine, but touching is going to far lol.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk this morning.

[cfmoxie]

&&. rumor has it ( mila syan ) has stepped into rosewood. ( she ) is a ( 33 ) year old ( sub ) currently residing at the manor as ( a sub for hire ). it’s been said that ( she ) resembles ( elodie yung ) and is into ( tpe & orgasm control ) but not ( bathroom play & infantilism ). ( she ) has been said to be ( caring & attentive ) but also quite ( impulsive & unstable ). let’s hope the manor doesn’t devour them whole.

tw: death, murder, brainwashing.

FULL NAME: Mila Syan

GENDER: Cis female

PRONOUNS: She/Her

SEXUALITY: Bisexual and Homoromantic. 

HEIGHT: 5′6

NATIONALITY: Cambodian/British

BIRTHMARK: A rose gold feather at the nape of her neck. See here for visual ref.

Biography

Mila’s family didn’t particularly have much in terms of prospects growing up. Her father had moved to England from Cambodia a few years prior to her birth, met what he so eloquently would claim to anyone who asked as the love of his life, and the pair haven’t looked back since.    

She loved her family dearly, but a cramped council flat certainly wasn’t the most adequate of places to raise four children despite their strong bonds. 

As the eldest child, there was always a lot of pressure placed on Mila to excel in everything she did. It was something she knew full well was never meant from a place of malicious intent, and so instead of growing to resent it, she worked hard to proved their confidence in her was well founded.

She developed a love of art, music and languages, was in all the top classes throughout her school years...The A stars littering her GCSE results paper like little beacons of that better life seeming further and further within reach with every passing year.

That was, until tragedy stuck the family. Her youngest brother Arun killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, stumbling on something he shouldn’t.

The authorities were useless in their investigation, and as her grades began to slip, it also gave rise to a far darker side of the sweet young girl everyone knew.    

Eventually, her feelings of uselessness and contempt manifested physically. Picking fights with anyone and everyone just to at least feel some pain she had a modicum of control over.

When the trail for her brother’s murders ran cold, she was distraught. While her parents sat and wallowed in their grief, she steeled herself to do something about it.

She even ran head first into the arms of her estranged uncle, a man who had been disowned from the family for his ties to the seedy underbelly of London city. While he agreed to look into it for her, one thing became very clear...If she wanted those men dead, she was going to have to do it herself.

The hitmen in her uncle’s circles were certainly ones she couldn’t afford, but she learnt the value of stealth early on - often sneaking around in an attempt to overhear any pearls of wisdom she could gleam from these people so adept at what they did.

She got caught eventually, such was the way with no means of formal training, but instead of making her regret it the man seem to appreciate her determination, and agreed to teach her some basics until her uncle found the names she needed.

It was hardly the life she had envisioned for herself at sixteen, but once she’d had a taste of it, she doubted she’d ever be able to reimmerse fully into civilised society.

It was some months before the names of those responsible for her brother’s death were uncovered. Part of some gang running a drug smuggling ring out of Camden.

After growing close, her unofficial mentor by this point had offered to take care of the problem for her...And in hindsight, perhaps she should have taken it. That one contract and it was done, but Mila simply could not let it go, and if they were going to die by anyone’s hands, it would be her own.

She trailed rigorously for years until she felt she was ready. They weren’t her first kill, or her last, but they would always be her most memorable. Even now, when so many aspects of that part of her life are hazy, their faces remain always.

The problem was that once she’d gotten a taste for such things, there was no going back. She had begun to make a name for herself, and a submissive with such a skill set was a highly coveted prize. Few expected the meek and mild subservients of the human race to possess such viciousness, and she worked under many doms over the years to hone her craft.

The problems came later, when she began to outgrow the confides her rose gold birthmark placed on her.

No one took her seriously as a sub, and so eventually, she decided to try her hand as a dominant.

With the shackles broken she quickly grew in wealth and stature, perhaps the one good thing she has done in her life coming when she had made enough to send a majority of it back to her parents and ensure both themselves and her siblings would be set for life.

She felt as though she was on top of the world, pulled into a false sense of security by the semipermanent silvery blue where rose gold should be....But like all good things in life, it wasn't to last. 

It was a previous boss scorned by the reach she had surpassed him that eventually connected her to the submissive in his employ years prior. Something that quickly landed her on the reconditioning list, to be reminded of her place by some of the best sub breakers and dom trainers in the world, those that resided in an estate known as Rosewood manor.   

Mila underwent the training for five years in total before something eventually snapped, and there was no end to the plethora of doms that assisted in her indoctrination -- both before and after that particular revelation of hers.

The first few months after her reconditioning were perhaps the most dangerous. She was fine when there was a dom around, but given more freedom she began to slip deeper and deeper into old habits.

Over the past year she’s been conditioned to view such feelings as a side effect detrimental to her own mental health, and it’s something that she will now actively go out of her way to correct. Often seeking a sub breaker or any other dom with a sadistic streak to help her reclaim her submission once more.    

Personality:

Mila is a very caring and empathetic individual for the most part. Even before everything, she had a passion for music, art and literature that simply couldn’t be taught, and it’s something that hasn’t left her to this day. She speaks five languages, is well versed in close quarters combat styles, and predominantly enjoys her life as a submissive for hire. When there’s a dom in her presence, Mila can be the picture of obedience. A faint bratty undertone sometimes carried purely to keep things interesting, or when she wants a night to take a slightly darker turn. The problems occur when she’s left to her own devises for too long, when her mind wanders to places she’d rather not go, or finds herself straying to the cells with it’s echoes of memories written all over the walls she knows full well to ignore. Usually, time with even the most marginally sadistic of doms will clear up such thoughts she has come to treat as one would a physical ailment, and so the notion of having a long term mistress is one she secretly sort of longs for.  

Wanted Connections:

Doms that were part of her training in any capacity: TBA. Just all. the. doms! Sub breakers, Dom trainers, or even those just willing to lend a hand to that kind of thing. These would likely be the ones she seeks out if she ever feels herself slipping. So long as your chara’s been here for like 6 months+, come at me!

Art/Literature/Music buds: TBA. Despite her penchants for the arts, she’s been taught that this isn’t something most doms would want to hear about, that it’s boring...She’s almost started to believe it, and will try to actively keep it to herself in most cases. This could be doms or subs that actually share the affiliation.

Reoccurring doms: TBA. As a sub for hire mostly left to her own devises for close to a year now, Mila is no stranger to new and old little trysts alike. These are people that would likely ask for her time either whenever they visit, or relatively often encounters if they live here...whether she requires payment or not from these particular people remains to be seen.  

Subs that make her question her new mindset: TBA. A dangerous connection for her, bonus points if it’s current disobedient subs bc I clearly just like to inflict suffering xD 

Anything else you can think of! I’m here for all of it.

[alo-piss-trancy]

ohmygod you’re like the only piss blog I’ve seen that likes dangan/ronpa skskskkssksks this makes me so fuckin happy hhhhh could you possibly do headcanons for some of the dr1 cast? id prefer all of them - but if you want to choose your favourites that’s fine 💗💗 i fuckin love u and ur blog already daawwww

Ahh thank you, I’m glad you like my blog! 💛 And yeah there isn’t much omo for DR which surprised me! I’ll do most of them, sparing a few I don’t know well (Leon, Sayaka, that spoilery girl from the beginning) or didn’t like (Hifumi and fortune guy)! :

Naegi: I’m not a huge fan of bedwetting, but I agree he definitely would in times of stress. Also he has a kinda weak bladder in general. Soda and stuff goes right through him. For the most part he can manage during trials (even if he tends to rush off as soon as the execution is over), but investigations run even longer so he usually ends up having to take breaks (to the possible annoyance of anyone he’s sleuthing with). When he’s desperate he thinks he’s subtle but absolutely isn’t, constantly squirming and bouncing/rocking on his heels, shoves his hands in his hoodie pocket like he isn’t actually grabbing his crotch, tends to whimper and groan under his breath. Often tries to hold longer around composed/strong ppl like Kirigiri, Byakuya, Sakura and Mondo, but often with embarrassing results. Not too shy to speak up around friends or more casual people if nothing’s going on, but the often serious situations they find themselves in make it more difficult (darting off to pee right after you find out a friend died is both in poor taste AND suspicious). Probably doesn’t have a piss kink. Willing to go in odd places if necessary.

Celeste: Ever poised, she’s the type who wouldn’t want to say anything and just holds it until she can slip away to maintain her dignity. For the most part she knows her limits and doesn’t get desperate often, but during times when she’s heavily invested in a task or just really doesn’t want to leave, she may overestimate her abilities, since she’s convinced she can ‘simply adapt’ to the increased pressure and ignore it until a more convenient time. Since she has a great poker face she usually manages to avoid letting on that anything’s wrong even if she’s absolutely dying, but once she gets close to or actually is wetting herself, the act falls apart and she gets really panicked and flustered. Around ppl that annoy her (like Hifumi or Byakuya) though, her temper will flare instead and she’ll lash out, converting all of her embarrassment into rage at them for somehow causing/witnessing the event (even if they had nothing to do with it). She’s extremely embarrassed when wetting herself (and also disgusted), but will try her best to play it off afterwards like it isn’t a big deal (again, with a speech about adapting and going with the flow), but her voice is noticeably shaky and she probably cries as soon as she’s alone. Would rather die/wet herself than go in odd places.

Also I kinda like the idea of her teasing other ppl when they’re desperate if they’re alone together (maybe a slight omo kink, or just bc she likes controlling ppl). Preferably Byakuya or Kirigiri (idk why those are just my two fav pairings for casual fun times with her).

Kirigiri: Always composed, aims to stay that way. Usually slips off without a word because it’s private business anyways. If asked when it isn’t a big deal, she’s fine with saying where she’s headed, but once she gets desperate enough she’ll feel self-conscious of ppl knowing how bad it is and makes up a lie instead. If a restroom isn’t available or it’s a serious situation, she would rather die than breathe a word, and will do her absolute best to avoid giving off any signs of her issue until she’s literally on the verge of wetting herself. Might work up the trust to tell Naegi if they’re close enough by that point, maybe Celeste, Sakura or Aoi if Naegi isn’t around and she knows it’s Ask For Help or Wet Yourself, but she’s just as likely to stay quiet if her proper nature gets the best of her. Refuses to hold herself under any circumstances, tends to just use her legs to help stave off the urge. Due to her resourceful nature, she will consider using odd things/places as a last resort, although she also has a chance of freezing up when attempting to actually go, since she’s nervous and isn’t used to it (personally, I LIVE for the idea of Naegi helping her with this and trying to relax her while she’s like, actually whimpering and showing vulnerability for the 1st time).

Might have a piss kink bc I do like the idea of her being attracted to something that’s the opposite of what she is (messy, juvenile, vulnerable). Also consider her genuinely wanting to help Naegi when he’s desperate but at the same time she’s really tuned on and praying it doesn’t show.

Chihiro: So shy oof, will never breathe a word and is really good at not giving any signs until he’s suddenly pissing himself. Would definitely cry and be mortified, needs lots of comfort afterwards (luckily p much everyone gives it to him). Practiced at holding for LONG stretches of time thanks to his secret making things inconvenient, and also because programming takes a ton of time in single sittings and he doesn’t want to get up and wreck his train of thought. I think he actually would be the type who has a huge closet kink, gets turned on by desperation and holds, fantasizes about wetting in public a lot, but would actually die and hate if it happened for real.

Mondo: Bladder of steel actually, takes great pride in this. He’ll often tease others for being weaker. When he does get desperate, he won’t whine pathetically or hold himself, but he will get snippy and make a few complaints about it. Has no qualms about pissing outside or in anything else, even if there are people around. If he did wet himself, it would be a blow to his pride, but he’d eventually get over it (it helps that ppl are too afraid to tease him unless they want a beating). I could see him having a piss kink for both sides, and also being into 'marking’ his lover.

Taka: Will ask as soon as he needs to go bc there’s no point putting it off, but if someone tells him no then that’s it. The answer is no and he’ll hold it without protest until he’s literally leaking, then maybe he’ll work up the nerve to choke out a plea. If denied again he’ll hold on as long as physically possible, only to finally lose control and be mortified. Thinks he’s good at hiding desperation but is even more obvious than Naegi. Has a decent enough bladder capacity, but once he has to go, he has to GO. Like right then. He can’t stand bothering ppl or being disrespectful, so he would refuse to use anything but a toilet (maybe he’d go outside if there was enough cover and he was coaxed into it). No piss kink at all, would be baffled by the concept.

Sakura: Bladder of Steel (stronger than Mondo). Shows no real sign of desperation, even up to the end. When it gets bad she’ll start sweating though, and her posture is even stiffer than usual. Is actually pretty shy about bringing up her need (both bc of how strong she’s supposed to be and just bc she’s bashful), but she will if she knows she’s at risk of wetting herself. More likely to tell Aoi than anyone else, or maybe Naegi. Will never hold herself bc tbh those thighs can already crush together enough to hold it. Might go outside or in odd places if no one is around and she absolutely can’t wait, altho she is embarrassed af (and it’s kinda hard to hide when you’re that big o o f). Has no piss kink and is actually a bit disdainful of it, altho she would never shame a partner if they confessed. Might do it once in a while for them if asked.

Aoi: Will be the first to tell you the blue pool dye thing is just an urban legend. She’s the girl who whines for all of her friends to come with her when she has to pee, makes a lot of jokes the whole time. Not super weak bc she has to hold it on jogs and stuff, but she tends to drink a lot and doesn’t really like to hold past a certain point. Not shy at all about mentioning her need unless it’s a very grim situation, and if prevented from going she will dance around a bit, cross her legs, maybe a quick crotch grab, while still whining the whole time bc it helps distract her. Will use anything and go anywhere if it’s bad enough, too chill to care as long as ppl promise to keep their backs turned. Might have a mild omo kink.

Byakuya: Doesn’t go out of his way to admit his need, but will walk off and say so if it’s a fairly casual situation. Has a harder time hiding it than Kirigiri and Celeste despite also being uptight, bc his temper flares up and he gets extra snippy if he has to go, which usually clues ppl in. Also he taps his foot/jiggles his leg CONSTANTLY. Wouldn’t touch his crotch unless he was literally wetting himself, but will cross his legs/bend at the waist. Refuses to go anywhere but a proper restroom. Wetting himself is humiliating and he would brush off any comfort and storm off to be by himself. Probably takes his anger out on Touko. Has zero piss kink to speak of, will spit on you if you suggest it.

Touko Fukawa: Can’t stand ppl knowing she has to go, would probably kill over if anyone mentioned it. She fidgets a lot when desperate, but ppl actually don’t notice bc she already acts pretty weird and fidgety and is so closed off anyways. Wouldn’t dare leave if she was supposed to be with a group of ppl, but the second she’s alone she’s making a dash for it. She’s used to holding for a pretty long time (too anxious to leave during class, long writing sessions at home, etc.), and even then if she’s determined enough to avoid embarrassing herself, she can hold longer. Probably the only one who can (and does) let out tiny leaks in order to hold longer, and has exceptional control. During moments of terror though, she fear wets, which mortifies her. Does not have a kink in the slightest, it grosses her out.

Genocider Sho: Urine doesn’t bother her at all, which is good since sometimes she wakes up only to find Touko pissed herself. Has the same capacity, but is much more outspoken when she needs to go. Complains a lot, exaggerates her body language and cracks jokes, might get cranky if it’s inconvenient for her. However, she doesn’t care if she loses control, and might do it on purpose just to piss somebody off. She has a HUGE piss kink. Be it herself as the victim for her own pleasure, or her getting to dom somebody else and force them to hold (BYAKUYA). She’s also a big slut for watersports. Sometimes she does this to have fun and get filthy, then makes herself sneeze and switch afterwards just for the sake of fucking with Touko.

Junko: Absolutely has a piss kink, loves to tie ppl up and watch them squirm and blush until they soak themselves. When she has to go she’s very vocal, bouncing around and groaning, whining, playing it up and holding herself to put on a show. Would be fine to go anywhere tbh, but pretends she only accepts proper bathrooms so that she has an excuse to hold it longer. Doesn’t care if she wets, but insists she gets cleaned up and in new clothes right away bc she also cares about looking pretty.

[dxmedstudent]

hello dr. dx (i hope u dont mind me calling u that), i've noticed that in a lot of medical tv shows/movies there's always an ep where the patient/their families refuse medical help bc of their religion (Jehovah's witness seems to always be the reason) and the doctors portrayed almost always just gives up. im curious about how you and other docs go about this in the real world. i understand u have to respect the pts. wishes but do u just give up after informing them of all the consequences?

Hello! I’m fine with you calling me Dr Dx, even Dx is fine. Unless we’re in hospital and you’re my patient, then I’m pretty much another normal person * :) Medical ethics is a really interesting subject; like many of us, I could probably wax lyrical about it all day and still have things to say. It’s sometimes clear cut, and sometimes it’s less than evident what the ‘best’ way forward is. But what’s important is knowing what the laws are, within the country we are working in. I’ll start with something important. People usually (almost always wrongly) quote the Hippocratic oath, which is archaic and technically legally irrelevant. But that’s not the only ethical code we have. More simply, and importantly, we have four basic pillars in medical ethics; four rules that fundammentally govern how we act:

Autonomy – we must respect the patient's right to make their own decision.

Beneficence – we must 'do good' for our patients.

Non-Maleficence – we must aim to  'do no harm'

Justice – we must treat people fairly and equitably.

So it’s built into the basic rules of doctoring that we have to respect the patient’s right to choose what happens to their body and their health. In the UK, the laws are clear regarding whether a patient is capable of making this choice; that is, whether they are competent. Every adult is presumed competent unless we have reason to suspect otherwise, in which case we assess their competence.  Teenagers can be found to be Gillick/Frasier competent if they are mature enough to understand the decision, but that’s a more complex issue. Exactly where the line is for whether a patient is competent can be complex. But to summarise the essence of competence, it’s something like this:  that the patient has the ability to take in the relevant information, retain that information long enough to decide,  process it and weigh it up, come to a decision and communicate that decision to us.  It’s absolutely vital for us to realise this: the decision that the patient has come to does not need to be rational to us; patients, if the are competent, have the right to make a ‘bad’ decision. We as a society don’t go around interfering with everyone’s lives when they are making a decision that may be regrettable, and that holds true for medicine as well. Someone like a Jehovah’s Witness (and I’ve treated a few) has firmly held beliefs about which treatments they will consider, and which they won’t. It’s absolutely fine for us to discuss the potential options with them (including alternatives to blood products), and the risks of refusing treatment we think is medically necessary. To be fair, most Jehovah’s witnesses are very, very informed about this already, because it’s one of their core beliefs. So quite often, they already know everything there is to know. And it’s important to realise that they aren’t acting out of ignorance, but out of beliefs. Ignorance of medical science is something you can potentially change, if you take time to build up their trust and discuss things together. But beliefs are a different matter; it’s unlikely that I or anyone else will change how they feel about something that was never based on fact to begin with. Now, I can attempt to inform a patient who just doesn’t know enough to make a decision, and I can work with a patient to clear up any misapprehensions they may have about treatment options. But I probably will not be causing any massive changes in peoples’ idealogies. I’m not out to convert people to a different religion or make them stop believing in what they already practice; I have to respect that this is a part of them, and support them with this in mind. The conversations we have with each patient is different, and so are the pressures acting on them. So with some patients you can barely touch on a topic at all because their mind is decided, whereas with other patients it is much easier to have an indepth discussion about a difficult topic. But there’s only so much talking we can do before the clinician has to accept that the patient has made their choice. I don’t watch many medical dramas (heh, you can have such a thing as too much medicine, I usually flick the channel onto somehting else as if something awful came on, whenever I happen upon a medical program on TV these days!), but perhaps they aren’t quite doing these kinds of interaction justice when they portray the topic. I guess that happens because TV likes to show medicine as being dramatic, with constant life-and-death decisions and people butting heads over everything, and egos blazing on all sides. But in real life, everything is much more slow-paced, most decisions aren’t imminently life threatening, most people are more mellow and eveything is generally a lot less exciting. I dare say nobody would watch an average doctor’s shift on TV if it wasn’t jazzed up a bit. From where I’m standing, I don’t see it as ‘giving up’ if I respect that my patient with particular beliefs will choose to go along with them. The rules are there for a reason, and I must follow them, but it’s more than that; I have to respect the free will of the patient to choose for themselves. I have to respect them as an individual capable of reasoned thought and free will, even if I disagree with their choice. Although it’s sometimes uncomfortable when patients choose what we would consider to be a bad course of action (most frequently, self-discharging when we think they still need treatment, please don’t do this), it’s part of our job to support their right to decide. And it’s just as much a vital part of doctoring, being one of the 4 core tenets of our care. If I think someone will die as a direct result of refusing treatment, I’d be pretty negligent to not make that clear, and it’s never fun to have to go the ‘you know, if you continue with this, you may die, and I have to make you sign this paperwork to demonstrate that you understand that I’m telling you that you may die, because you may die’ route. It’s never a path we like walking down, because we like treating people, and we like fast solutions, and we like to know that we’ve done our best, sorted someone out and they are now safe. That is literally all I want from every patient interaction, for them to be stable, safe and be getting better. In the end, doctors are simple people at heart. We want to make things better and keep people safe. But, in the end, I have to respect their right to decide, if they have capacity.  It doesn’t matter if someone decides to refuse treatment A because of their beliefs, or because they think it won’t work, or because they prefer holy water and homeopathy, or because they just don’t like me and think I’m stupid. As long as they are competent (i.e. mentally there enough to be able to decide), then it’s their call. Now, sometimes people aren’t competent to decide. In which case, in the UK we treat them either according to the mental capacity act (if the illness is physical) or the mental health act (if the illness and treatment is mental health related). We can treat people in their best interests (i.e. to save their life) knowing that they cannot make a decision at this point in time, because their ability to do so is significantly impaired. This might be due to something physical like an infection causing them to be delirious, or something mental like an acute episode of mania. If they can’t make the decision because they lack capacity, we act in their best interests, with the aim of restoring their ability and capacity. We try to be the least restrictive or invasive that we can be, and to act purely with their interests in mind. And if the patent is a kid, things get more complex. If doctors believe a kid needs lifesaving treatment and the parents refuse (whatever the grounds), odds are that the doctors and hospital will probably have to take the family to court and treat the child in their best interests, regardless of the beliefs and reasonsings of the parent. Because, although we’re allowed to make rash or silly decisions about ourselves, we aren’t necessarily allowed  to do this for our children. Because our children are not chattel, and have their own inviolable rights to life and to treatment. So if a child is involved, things get a lot more complicated, tend to go to court, and the doctors will err on the side of actively treating the child wherever possible. That’s where things can get really complex and bitter. Nobody wants these kinds of situation to arise, and it can be hugely stressful for everyone involved. But for the most part, it’s not as dramatic as TV will have you believe. For the most part, even patients with strongly held beliefs who refuse treatments are generally cooperative and able to make a plan for their present and future care. It adds another layer of complexity to our work, but we don’t sit there every day stressing about what might happen if a Jehovah’s Witness came in. It’s just a situation we have to address every once in a while. * in hospital, I’m just a normal person with a stethoscope and too many things to do...

[autumnhobbit]

Story Starters Meme

I got tagged by @tantalum-cobalt, so it’s time to dust off the lines you’ve already seen bc I haven’t written in forever. 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 15 stories. See if there are any patterns. Then tag 10 of your favourite authors!

So here goes. And yes, these are the actual Google Docs names of my fic drafts.

de-ageing bc audrey gets what she wants fic:

“Alfred,” Bruce says, and Alfred can hear the odd sort of deadpan panic that only Master Bruce is capable of conveying. “Help.”

How exactly it came to pass that he said these words while standing in front of Alfred in the Cave, having just stepped out of the Batmobile veritably dripping in children---precisely six of them, as a matter of fact, with all of them going in various directions---was beyond Alfred’s mental capacity or willingness at this point.

So when Bruce opens his mouth and begins to say something---whether it be a scientific or practical explanation of how he came to be in this situation, Alfred simply raises a finger. “Don’t.” He says simply.

Bruce closes his mouth with a snap.

vaguely catholic jason death angst:

When he wakes up in his coffin, Jason isn't sure what to make of it.

Of course, at first there's very little thinking, and very much screaming and crying and clawing and thrashing and begging and pleading. He hasn't really prayed in years, drifted away from it when Bruce took him in and away from the cramped, trash-filled apartment he'd spent his childhood in. But that doesn't stop him from reciting every prayer he knows, slurring the words together in mindless terror as he digs.

looooong scarletdevil nonsense:

Saturday evenings were fast becoming Matt's favorite day of the week. Well, maybe not favorite--more like least miserable. The only day he avoided going out at night was Sunday, which, as Foggy had said during a particularly bad argument, was pretty dumb. "Sorry I beat up a bunch of criminals and/or cops today, Lord, but at least I'm breaking for the sabbath!"

another “jason meets damian” thing:

Damian ducks beneath a stroke his mother swings towards his neck, parries two more thrusts in rapid succession, and with a flick of his wrist sends her weapon skittering to the tile. The tip of his own blade rests at her throat.

Her grey eyes meet his, and he feels proud at the impression he can see dancing in her orbs. "I concede," Mother says, and he pulls the blade away from her, allowing it to tip towards the floor. His mother stands gracefully. "You are making good progress, Damian. I am very pleased with how well you've done with your new swordmaster."

"Tt. It is nothing, Mother," he says proudly. It seems like forever since she has personally sparred with him like this, and he revels in the opportunity to please her. "He says I am the best he's ever trained."

sucky draft of yj installment:

"Damian. Wake up."

Damian had learned very early in his life that if anything disturbed his slumber in the League of Assassins fortress, he should be ready to stab upwards without a moment's hesitation. But he recognizes his mother's voice, so he doesn't raise the wickedly sharp blade his fingers are curling around beneath his pillow.

jason outlaws feels + domestic unrest:

The Outlaws contact them at a quarter till midnight. Bruce takes the communication when it comes in at the Batcave--he's there to re-equip and head back out, and hears the alert from the locker room. "Batman, here. What's the situation?" He tries to squelch the instinctive fear that rears its ugly head--he doesn't know where Jason is, what he's doing, if he's safe, and the Outlaws would not contact him unless it were something important.

tbh i have no idea where i was going with this but gen timdami feels sooooo:

Tim was honestly just doing his best not to freak the hell out. It was hard--very hard. He and Damian had never gotten on like he'd hoped they would, back when he'd first found out that Bruce had a son. Time had made their hatred cool off a bit. They hadn't been brothers, or even friends. Tim had hated him, suspected the worst of him at all times, and he had no compulsions to deny that fact.

Until he'd been perfectly conscious less than fifty feet from Damian when the little brat's Mother had him skewered through the torso by his own clone. Less than fifty feet away and half-heartedly struggling while Damian choked on his own blood. Less than fifty feet away while he bled out all over the street in front of Wayne Enterprises. Less than fifty feet away when he stopped breathing and died, all alone. By the time he'd gotten free and rounded the obstacles between them, Damian was a tiny corpse in Bruce's arms, Dick was in shock.

And Tim? Well, as far as he was concerned, Tim was a monster.

very old cold fluff/angst/hurt/comfort thingy ft. the robins:

See, the thing is, the suits are pretty friggin badass. They're made to withstand heat, bullets, knives, fingernails, teeth, and basically whatever Gotham's underbelly has to throw at them. (They're even pretty spiffy, too.)

One thing they're not made to withstand, however, is cold. Which is fine, until Gotham hits a cold snap of 7 below zero. Which was also fine, to start out with, because even criminals usually had some semblance of a brain, and avoided going outside when the snot froze in your nose (ha, that rhymed), after two seconds. The downside was that Freeze seized the opportunity to break out of Arkham and roam the streets without his suit. And he'd apparently gotten a slew of henchmen, off of villain craigslist or whatever the hell the criminals in Gotham used to find help. Hence, Jason was wandering through the city at some ridiculous hour, shooting henchmen while everyone else huddled inside their nice, warm houses.

Well, almost everyone.

MORE attempt at plot/hurt!Jason and Bruce:

Bruce hit the water hard and plunged beneath the surface rapidly. He stifled a yelp of pain when he hit the bottom only milliseconds after submerging, his legs folding up to take the impact and something in his hip pinching suddenly and sharply. He forced himself to maneuver his feet beneath him and push against the bottom towards the surface. He broke the water with a gasp, shaking his head vigorously to try and dislodge some of the water filling the cowl. His hip was throbbing and he was panting, but he whipped his head from side to side, anyway, searching the tank frantically. All he could see was lapping green through his night-vision lenses. "Hood," he gasped out, his voice clogged with water and fear.

No response. The water continued to ripple against the walls. Bruce kicked his legs, ignoring the screaming pain that radiated up his spine as he did so. "Hood?" He grunted again, his voice lowered to some extent for fear of being overheard by their captors. But panic was quickly overriding that concern. "Jay?!" He called again, raising his voice just a bit, becoming taut with frustration and fear. "Jason, if you can hear me, answer." Still nothing. Bruce gulped. "Jay, please."

Silence except for the lapping, dripping water. Bruce's heart was hammering against his ribs, and he was having a hard time catching his breath. He glanced around again.

attempt at plot + hurt!Jason and Bruce bc what else:

Jason woke to his head pounding and intense, burning pain in his abdomen. He felt hot and dizzy and sick. He couldn't stifle a groan as he shifted.

"Hood?" A familiar growl--close and tense but surprisingly gentle--said, and Jason tensed. He had no idea where he was, but that voice...he knew it far too well. He tried to open his eyes, and after a few moments he managed to blink them open to slits. Sure enough, he could dimly see Bruce looming over him, his jaw tense with worry beneath the cowl.

"What?" Jason croaked, starting at how hoarse he sounded, how hard it felt to draw breath.

"Lie still," Bruce ordered, and Jason froze. It still ticked him off when Bruce ordered him around as if he were still Robin, but the concealed fear in Bruce's voice combined with the pain--and having no memory of how he wound up here--made him listen. His gaze flitted from Bruce to the metal surrounding them, enclosing them from all sides. His pulse sped up without his consent.

Unnamed Jason&Bruce angst:

"You know," Jason croaks hoarsely, his throat tight with pain and his chest burning from the effort of speaking, "in our line of work, no one expects to live forever." He pauses to gulp for air that burns as it goes down, and he clenches his eyes shut at the pain the effort causes him--and at how his headache is being exacerbated by Bruce banging against the bars of the cage they're locked in, roaring threats at their captors. He doesn't seem to be hearing anything Jason's saying--he just keeps slamming his hands against the metal frame surrounding them. Jason's not even sure if he's speaking English. His posture is wound tight, and anyone even half-sane who saw him this way would turn and run the other direction as quickly as possible. Jason's never been sane, though.

“Untitled” sequel:

The rest of the League thought of him as some superhuman, repressed ball of efficiency and brutality. He never failed, never wavered, never doubted or deviated from his mission. Bruce knew that was what they saw. He'd gotten used to it.

But every once in a while, he remembered just how much of a lie that was.

the "Jay is protective of the other Robins even when he acts like he's not" fic:

Tim wasn't entirely sure what day it was, anymore. It seemed like it had been forever since he'd seen the sun--or anything, for that matter--but the brain had a funny way of dealing with stressful situations, one of them being the general weird-ness of the sensation of time passing. He offhandedly wondered if it was morning as he worked at the bonds around his wrists for the thousandth time. Still no give. At first, his wrists had stung awfully, and later they became unbearably itchy, no doubt from dried blood. Now, his wrists were numb and his hands felt large and awkward. He supposed that tended to happen when they'd been supporting all his weight for several hours at least.

the JayKara thing:

"Sooooo."

Tim was preoccupied with peering over the edge of the rooftop, using his binoculars to scan the deal going on below. He'd been working for weeks to trace the shipment of drugs to these two gangs, and find enough evidence to lock them up, but tonight his work was finally going to pay off. It didn't bother him too much that Jason was rambling behind him; he did that a lot, and Tim had gotten good at tuning most of it out. He adjusted his binoculars again and focused on one of the head mercs, who was deep in heated conversation with another head. Aaaaaany minute now...

"--you and Spoiler are...like....a thing. Occasionally. I guess."

Tim slowly turned his head. "Hmmm?" He said, a bit dumbly.

The "hurt!Jason vs. the GCPD which was supposed to be funny and sad but just wound up mostly sad" fic:

By the time Commissioner Gordon arrives on the scene, it's swarming with the fifth precinct, EMTs, news cameras, and onlookers who are barely held back by the thin, yellow crime scene tape. He hops out of the car, barely sparing the thought to lock it behind him and hope that whatever poor kid was driving has the keys. He immediately spots Bullock standing in a knot of people, only about twenty feet from the door, which is currently leaking smoke and flames and sparks out into the air with continuous gusts. There's some sort of commotion going on inside---he can faintly hear gunshots and shouts even from this distance. He draws his pistol from its holster, just in case, and jogs over to join them. There's a definite yell as he reaches them, and another gunshot. No one seems to be dodging or taking cover. He has no idea what the hell's going on. 

As usual I tag anyone who feels like it or any authors who haven’t been tagged yet who’d like to share some of their first lines.