#i’m just wondering if i should have a better way of showing people whether they’re open or not

[d0d0-b0i]

if the latest post i answered sounded kinda mean spirited, that’s because it was! i have had many people request things way after the due date on my requests being open ending, and it is kind of tiring! how can you not read someone’s bio when you enter their blog? is my anxiety so large that what i consider a guarantee is barely a suggestion to someone else?

i am flattered that so many people want to ask me, a stranger on the internet for stuff they think i can do justice! it warms my heart thinking about it, but i also want respect. if you’re gonna go on my blog. do not think you can pull that shit with me. i do not fall to pressure of that kind nor manipulation.

the reasons i have for closing or opening requests are because otherwise i would burn out! and it feels disrespectful when people can’t even do the courtesy of that.

[multifariousqueer]

omg omg omg can you write smth ab e!42 miles being with a girl who’s super affectionate and girly. he’s like okokok and she’s like lalalala you know?? and one day they get into an argument and it looks like she’s gonna leave but he handles it?

tyilykisses🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Ofc Love!!!!

A/n: AHHHH keep requesting and lmk what else I should do

Warnings: Miles being a nonchalant ngga, fluff, angst, possessiveness

You lived a pretty good life. Your parent(s) were active in your life, you had a wonderful boyfriend that would burn the universe to the ground for you, and you got whatever you wanted. Miles kept his job pretty under wraps so you didn’t know what he did, all you knew was that he was buying the newest miu miu jacket and he funded your bath and body works addiction. Everyone knew you loved Miles but they questioned whether or not he actually loved you.

It was no secret that Miles wasn’t as affectionate as you; everyone around you noticed it, your parent(s), your friends and even other family members mentioned it to you:

“You could do so much better, y/n"

“I mean, it seems like he doesn’t even want to date you fr” your cousin remarked

“Yeah are you holding him against his will?” Your aunt chimed in

“I am not!!! He’s just like that” you defended

You were very open with your affection; kissing, hugging and cuddling him a lot. Miles on the other hand, showed his love differently by buying you stuff and spending time with you. He was often very cold and closed off towards other people and they assumed it was that way for you but it wasn’t. Miles was affectionate but he didn’t show it at all for fear of people using you as a weapon against him.

When you got to your room, you felt yourself tear up. I mean sure, miles was nonchalant but that didn’t mean he didn’t love you. Plus Miles would tell you if he didn’t want you, right?

You couldn’t stand with the idea that Miles was doing this out of pity and not out genuine love for you so you texted Miles:

You: Hey can we talk?

seen

this didn’t help the aching in your chest so you tried to fall asleep and forget about it but it haunted your dreams that night. Usually, your dreams are pretty calm but in this one, you were running from Miles and when he caught up to you, he said:

“I DON'T LOVE YOU, Y/N. WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??? I wish it could’ve been different” Miles pulled out what looked like a claw but before anything could happen, you woke yourself up.

You woke up in a cold sweat and saw a message from Miles:

3:02 AM

Miles: what’s up, Mami?

4:45 AM

You: Do you love me?

seen

Miles: What?

Miles: What happened?

You: You didn’t answer my question

Miles: yeah, why?

You: You don’t have to lie to me, yk?

Miles: Let’s talk about this tomorrow.

Miles: Did You’re family say some shit again?

You: yeah...

seen

The next day came and you met Miles after school:

“So what’d they say?” Miles questioned

“They said I’m forcing you into a relationship” you admitted, feeling defeated

“Oh give me a break, y/n. Fuck them and their opinions, they don’t know us” Miles said, rolling his eyes

“Miles, they’re my family. And honestly I can see why they believe that” you spoke up

Miles took a deep breath:

“Why? Because I’m not jumping you 24/7? That’s not who I am and you knew that when you decided to date me. As for the family thing, they just jealous of what we have.” Miles said, stoically

“It wouldn’t kill you to show me a bit of affection, Miles” you replied quickly

“no. But it could kill you” he muttered

“excuse me???” you said

“Just know that I do love you, Y/n. I’m sorry that you don’t feel the same” Miles said

“And why are you speaking so cryptically lately?? If you got something to say, speak.” You argued, a sudden burst of masculine energy and ferocity flowing through your veins

“Watch it, y/n. Stay in your place, it’s easier.” Miles said dangerously, he spoke a warning to you

You ran away and went to your room, rushing past your concerned parent as you heard them talk on the phone:

“Yeah, she’s still mad about Sunday hahaha” your parent laughed

“Yeah well we were just joking, you know how we do” The person on the other end spoke, you assumed it was your aunt.

“You know kids y/a/n(your aunts name), especially Y/n. She’s so soft and I don’t want her to get hurt.” Your parent said

“Well at the end of the day, she’ll be okay. And it will be a lesson to her, everyones first love is heartbreaking” your aunt said

“yeah, I guess. Well I gotta go. Love you” your parent departed

“Love you too” Your aunt said

You played crying in your pillow because of what they said and because of your argument. Soon, you heard a knock on the door:

“Oh Heyyyy Miles” your parent greeted

“Hi. Is Y/n here?” Miles asked

“Yeah she’s in her room” Your parent said, opening the door for him

“okay” Miles said, walking in and knocking on your door

“a thank you would’ve been nice’ your parent muttered under their breath. Miles full well heard this but he chose to ignore it because he would have a few choice words with your parent and none of them would be nice

You heard three knocks on your door.

“Y/n? Baby, let me in” he said

“Go away, Miles” you sniffled

“Mami, imma get in one way or another so you may as well just open the door.” Miles threatened

You opened the door with watery eyes and tear stained cheeks. Miles’ heart broke immediately.

“I’m sorry for not giving you the love you deserve. I know I’ll never be good enough for you and you deserve better than me. Your family is right but I need you to know that I am so in love with you, it scares me. When we aren’t together, my chest hurts; I can’t be without you, y/n. I love you so much and I’m sorry I treat you like shit. I can change, mi amor."

“Oh Miles” You hugged him as tight as you could

“I love you"

“I love you too, Mami"

[thecorvidforest]

I have had a situation recently, and I would like your advice on it. I run a gaming discord server, with private servers for a few games. A streamer joined who claimed to have DID. They seemed to flaunt it all over their streams, seemingly very attention seeking. This, to me, seems likely to be fake, but I am unsure. Can you give any input? I don't want to have someone who makes up mental illnesses, discrediting those who actually have them, around, but I also don't want to falsely accuse someone.

sure, i’m happy to give my input, but it might not be what you’re looking for. you seem to have good intentions and this isn’t meant to bully or shame you at all, i just want to gently push back on this a little bit.

i personally believe there is never a good enough reason to accuse someone of faking a mental illness, especially something like DID/OSDD. there is no reliable way to spot a faker, and accusing people of lying does far more to hurt the community than faking does. let me explain.

some systems like to talk about their experiences, some don’t. same goes for anyone with any condition. talking about one’s plurality frequently is not automatically them flaunting it, and it’s certainly not grounds to assume they’re faking. plurality informs one’s entire life, we should be allowed to talk about it without having to worry if we’re being perceived as attention seeking.

here’s the thing. it’s wonderful that you want to help protect people who have DID/OSDD from people who might be faking it and i don’t doubt for a second that your intentions are genuine, but accusing someone of faking based on how you perceive them will do far more to discredit them than someone who’s actually faking it.

because here’s what’s going to happen if you remove them from your space because you think they’re faking: everyone around you who may be a closeted system - or even just anyone with a highly stigmatized disorder - is going to know that your acceptance of them isn’t based on their self-report, it’s based on your own perception of their symptoms. they will no longer feel free to be themselves, because showing their symptoms comes with the risk of being kicked out. you’ll have effectively made your space less safe for people with stigmatized conditions. and for the accused person, you’ll have removed them from a space that’s meant to be safe and completely invalidated their lived experience based on them choosing to speak about said experience.

on the flipside, let’s say they are faking and you do nothing. most likely scenario, they’re attention seeking and using DID to get the attention they want. what ends up happening most of the time is the person faking it eventually gets tired of the harassment and of having to keep all their lies straight and they stop.

of course lying about an already stigmatized condition for attention is an awful thing to do, and i’m not defending people who do it. what i am saying is that it is far less harmful to accidentally include a liar than it is to exclude someone who may or may not be lying with no way to know for sure if they are.

TLDR: whether they’re faking or not, them talking about it isn’t a reason to assume they are. and regardless, it’s always better to assume they’re telling the truth.

i hope this helps! we had a few switches in the middle of writing this so i’m sorry if the phrasing doesn’t flow well lmao

[toasterpiastris]

I agree that Oscars drive was amazing, and that was an amazing freaking pass. But Lando really did help him to win. Let’s hypothetically say Lando never made it that far up the field to help out. He held Sergio up by almost a second and a half, That means coming out of the pits, Sergio would be almost a second up the road on Oscar. Therefore when Leclerc pits a lap later, it’s not Oscar fighting Leclerc for the lead, now it’s Checo. So now we either have Sergio in the lead, or Oscar fighting Sergio for second. If Oscar is fighting for second, that gives Charles a chance to scamper off into the distance like he did in the first stint. So while Oscar deserves ALL the credit for his amazing driving, for his pass, for keeping Leclerc behind, he doesn’t even get the chance to do it if not for Lando. That is what being part of a team is all about, and what I think is getting lost in all this stupid Papaya Rules talk. As a fan of both drivers, I want them both to do well and win races. But at times, yes I think one or the other should be asked to do something they don’t want to do, that negatively impacts their race to help the other in order to help the team.

Every team does this, whether it’s Charles helping Carlos in Singapore last year, Fernando helping Lance to get his first win, or Checo helping Max to win the World Championship in 2021. It’s what McLaren have been missing. The ability to work as a team to maximize points. Lando helping Oscar doesn’t take the shine off his win, if anything it just makes it shinier. Shows that the team can work together, and is not as dysfunctional as it’s looked the past month or so. We should celebrate the achievements of both drivers!

100% agree. I think that (and I say this as an Oscar fan) the talks of Oscar being better, or more of a first driver are a bit premature rn. I honestly think they’re close to on equal footing currently, there is no clear “better driver,” at least in the last 10 or so races. Oscar is incredibly talented, he’s learned quickly, and he’s very laid back. But I find there are so many people completely discounting and discrediting Lando right now for reasons that aren’t always all that fair. I’ve seen so much about his mindset and how Oscar’s is better etc. etc. but this is very much so rooted in an anti mental health kind of stand point. Just because someone takes things hard, doesn’t mean they’re incapable. Lando started p15 for fucks sake, and he pulled through with a wonderful job. His defense for Oscar was a very helpful move, and to not acknowledge it is low key stupid. In the post that I’m pretty sure this ask was in response to, I was talking about how Andrea Stella saying that lando deserves 50% of the recognition for the win is kinda bs; honestly it seems like McLaren discredits both their drivers sooo much. As much as I don’t like the discourse about Oscar 2nd driver, lando has much more of a possibility at the championship. Also Oscar’s “2nd driver” thing would probably be much closer to what lando did in the Perez situation, not rolling over in a shit situation(Hungary looking at you lmao). Added to that, like Max said, Oscar isn’t typical 2nd driver material, and the whole idea of if you do it once you’ll never recover is bs in this instance. Oscar and lando both deserve their flowers for Sunday and they should be proud of themselves. People want so badly for another rancid brocedes-esque teammate rivalry, but lando and Oscar are so completely different from any of that. Oscar is way too calm about everything, and just look at Lando’s track record of teammate friendships. All in all, very well put anon, and I am done yapping now.

[audiblehush]

As a Penelope fan, I’m just sitting here wondering how people who claim to love her are happy with what the show (P2 specifically) has done to her.

Lady Whistledown arose out of Penelope growing up in emotionally abusive household where she was and is ignored and belittled, and she develops deeply ingrained trust issues as a result. As she grows older, society then also treats her pretty terribly (whether because of how she looks, who her family is, her shyness… all make sense in a way) and through luck or planning (since the show never tells us), she creates LW as a coping mechanism to be heard and to hit back… which I get - living that sort of life would be incredibly traumatic on a daily basis; I’m not surprised she got angry! But as a result, she ends up CHOOSING to cause hurt in the way SHE was hurt. She becomes a part of the greater cycle of pain and trauma.

That’s not to say the people around her are flawless; they’re not! But even when Pen is trying to (in her mind) help others, despite her intentions she DOES cause harm, to those she cares about AND strangers, and she does it behind a mask and a fear or exposure and censure. She chooses the nuclear option almost every time because she refuses to trust in or rely on others out of fear.

Penelope is perpetually stuck in a trauma-response and holding onto it like her life depends on it because to her, IT DOES - to her, it is the only way she has a say in her life, her way of surviving the grind of the social season, in the society she DESPERATELY wants to be a part of, but where she barely exists to others and is ignored.

And it was interesting; what a conflict!!Penelope, a young woman in a time where women had little to no power or agency, has created this massive machine that the ton is addicted to and feeds… but the power is heady, and she is ALSO addicted to it and can’t seem to stop despite the harm she KNOWS she’s doing, even when it blows up in her face, even when it harms her AND her precious people. Her hyper independence arose out of being emotionally alone nearly her entire life. She keeps her focus outward instead of internal at all costs, because what will she find when she looks inward?

All of this in S1 and S2 was fine with me because characters are allowed to (and should have) flaws. And I was under the impression that in S3, the narrative was going to finally grapple with Penelope’s trauma and the way she CHOSE to cope with it and how those who love her will grapple with this discovery. I was excited for Colin and Eloise to help her realize she is more than what her life has pushed her to be and what she feels she needs to do to survive. And then the show just… doesn’t.

The show’s answer to this was that LW was a victory for her character; that all she needed to do was “be confident” and that fixes all her pain she caused and that staying LW should be the pinnacle of her character growth.

To the show, Penelope “growing up” means actively choosing her coping mechanism over every relationship in her life and framing it as feminist… and that if she were to be rejected, it’s because those people were rejecting Penelope herself, and that she should be blindly supported… when the reality is that the show forces Penelope to reject everything except LW and never lets her consider a different option.

And I’m screaming into the void because how could they want that for Penelope?! Penelope, a hopeless romantic who reads romance novels to escape and because they are a “history of connection,” the thing she has lacked and seeks desperately! And in P2 she’s not alone; she now has Colin who loves her desperately!

Growing up means doing the hard work of self-reflection and acknowledging when you’ve harmed others and then trying to do better. To realize that you can’t live constantly seeking the validation of society because they will always move the goal posts, and that the harm done to you is a reason… but not an excuse to continue to harm others when you know better. But what does the show do?

The show has the briefest of scenes where she attempted a half-assed apology to Colin before the it barrels past any sort of meaningful conversation and then… ultimately keeps her right where she started… but public now (despite the fact that LW CANNOT function out in the open and the show is fucking dumb to pretend otherwise).

Pen is still focused externally on society instead of inward on her own thoughts and her own dreams. The show handwaves LW as “she’ll do better!” with no explanation for what that looks like or entails, (and ignores how people will weaponize gossip now that they know it’s Pen). The show forces Penelope to remain stagnant because they decided they NEED LW to frame future stories, and they would sacrifice everything, even the romance upon which the season is based, to keep that narrative framing as a crutch.

We could have had Colin finding out earlier in the show, still experiencing his RIGHTFUL anger toward Pen and what she’s done… and then having Pen WANT to fight for Colin but not knowing how! To her, who is she without LW? And Colin loving her enough to call her out and help her realize that only living and focusing on what others are saying is deeply unfulfilling when she has her own thoughts to share with the world… because he KNOWS that! He’s LIVED that! LW is mask for a broken, hurt girl but he loves her anyway and they can help the other heal! Polin against the world, against Cressida’s panicked blackmail, against the Queen… against the ton.

Instead, LW is validated every step of the way. Reconciliations with Eloise and Colin are rushed and hand-waved because the narrative demands it. Penelope and Cressida, set up as parallels, never come to together to realize how their actions were influenced by their similar traumas and that maybe they, along with Eloise, can show solidarity and tackle their problems head on. Nope, Penelope is forced to remain hyper-independent (because ✨girlboss✨ or something ) and never learns to rely on others who want to help her: not Eloise, and not Colin. Colin is regulated to her yes man and trophy husband instead of the love of her life who is her EQUAL and has just as much to share with the world if they support one another. Penelope never gets the chance to learn that you can comment on the failings of and imperfections of society without attacking others. That being a writer doesn’t mean you’re stuck as a GOSSIP writer. That she could in fact write about the “histories of connections” she so admires. Nope, for her it’s “I’m this thing that I do, deal with it.”

Her ending is a literal deus ex machina and that is why it is so deeply unsatisfying for so many viewers.

As a Penelope fan, I’m crushed the show didn’t allow her to grow up and move beyond what her emotionally negligent home life did to her, but instead completely shaped her character and ending around it and painted it as a victory. I’m outlining fix-it fic, but it hurts me knowing that this is “canon” and I’m mostly pretending P2 doesn’t exist (aside from a few sweet moments).

This season certainly wasn’t Colin’s, but it wasn’t even Penelope’s - it was Lady Whistledown’s and the writers don’t even realize that they created a tragedy as a result.

[mars-ipan]

looks at you . realllyyyyy hard.............. hey................ can u tell me more about sinner hajime bearding w. chiaki and his shame over it im thinking about it and how it affects him real bad.. r they dating married.. r they just a random fling i need to know the deets i need the DEETS!!!!!!!!! sits down

OK SO. i have NOT spent a lot of time on this so bear with me bc i’m mostly figuring this part out as i go. it’s going under a cut tho bc i know myself

ok. to start with. chiaki is one of the first people hajime meets when he moves in— they’re neighbors and in true midwestern fashion she brings him a casserole as a welcome gift. from there they become fast friends! i think, like most people in town, chiaki goes to church on sundays, but she isn’t there often outside of that. she’ll show up to events and volunteer from time to time, though! maybe she occasionally helps at sunday school. maybe it’s her that gets hajime thinking about trying to confess in the first place! she’d never pressure him into going or imply that he had any particular sins to confess, but i think hearing someone he trusts speak highly of the priest there would get him thinking.

anywho. chiaki ends up introducing hajime to a few of her friends, though he doesn’t really connect with them too deeply. they all get along nicely though, and while hajime does have his Guilt following him at all times he feels a bit better after he hangs out with her and her friends— takes his mind off of things for a bit. she has a rabbit named usami, too! she reminds hajime of some of the animals he helped raise on the farm back home. but hajime and chiaki end up basically being besties not long after hajime’s moved in. chiaki eventually develops feelings for hajime, and since she trusts him to be kind regardless of whether he reciprocates, she tells him almost right away. hajime is ecstatic— this is an opportunity! a girl, a nice girl who likes him. if there was any girl that hajime could fall in love with, it’d be her. and if he loves her, then he won’t have any of these other thoughts! he won’t be wondering what his priest looks like under the robes if he has a girlfriend— it’s perfect! so he says yes, and they begin to date.

hajime tells Father Komaeda basically immediately— he’s excited! look, Father, your teachings are working! i’m in a heterosexual relationship, this is what God wants! except…. komaeda isn’t as enthusiastic as hajime expects. supportive, absolutely, his smile as bright as ever, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. he doesn’t celebrate. he tells hajime he’s happy for him— chiaki’s a lovely girl, after all— but reminds him that resisting temptation is not a one and done battle. going out with chiaki is a step in the right direction, absolutely. however, he warns, hajime shouldn’t be too surprised if he finds himself struggling to shake away his impure thoughts. these things don’t disappear overnight. in fact, they should continue their lessons to help make sure that hajime can stay on this path to the light. hajime agrees immediately, thanking komaeda for his wisdom. still, though, he feels positive about this! having someone else to focus on will make leaving behind these unwanted lusts much easier.

except… hajime can’t make himself want her, not in that way. he tries. god, he tries. he loves chiaki, truly he does, but he doesn’t feel as fuzzy as he thinks he should when he holds her hand. kissing her feels like kissing a wall. he freezes up uncomfortably every time she tries to initiate anything further, and, saint that she is, she backs off every time without any hard feelings. he enjoys spending time with her, and holding her, but he’s not… he can’t get himself to desire her. not to mention, the impure desires haven’t gone away, not at all. they’re just as bad as they were before— in fact, they seem to slowly be getting worse. he doesn’t know what to do. hajime cares about chiaki, so much, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. she’s his best friend, and the last thing he wants to do is break her heart. plus, if he breaks up with her, then isn’t that like admitting defeat to his sins? like saying he can’t overcome them? and if he breaks up with her, what does he even say? that he can’t bring himself to be attracted to her? that he’s never been able to think of her in that way, only with… no. there’s no way he can tell her that, she’ll be disgusted. but he hates the idea of lying to her and stringing her along. his only option is to keep trying. he’ll be a better boyfriend, he’ll fall in love, he has to. she deserves someone who loves her, and maybe he can be that someone, if he just keeps trying.

hajime confesses all of this to Father Komaeda, of course, who hears all of it and simply nods. while he agrees that hajime should keep the true nature of his thoughts from her, he also subtly suggests that hajime break off the relationship if he’s not in love with her— lying is a sin, too, and true, holy love cannot be forced into being. perhaps they’re simply better off as friends?

hajime thinks about that advice, but he can’t bring himself to do it. he doesn’t want to hurt her, and he especially doesn’t want to lose her.

here’s the thing. chiaki is observant. she’s just that kind of person, she’s a good judge of emotion. she can tell that hajime seems uncomfortable showing affection to her, even if he’s trying. at first, she chalks it up to nerves, but when it doesn’t go away and almost seems to get worse, she starts to wonder what’s wrong, why he doesn’t seem to be that into her. so she looks a little closer. she notices that hajime prays a lot more often now than when he first moved in. she hears him mumble to himself when he thinks she isn’t listening, things about being wrong and having to try harder, having to be better. she knew from the start that hajime has some deep insecurities— he’s not very good at hiding it— but it’s worse than she thought. hajime’s been going to church near-daily now, and when she goes with him to mass on sundays she sees the way he watches the sermon, almost enraptured. she knows he gets along well with Father Komaeda— in fact, she’d consider them close friends. eventually, she notices things— hajime blushes with his whole face… when Father Komaeda is close to him. he sings the Father’s praises regularly, often thanking chiaki for telling him about the church so he could find his faith again. in moments of vulnerability, hajime has told her that he confesses somewhat frequently— what about, he never told her, but he assured her that he hadn’t hurt anybody so she never pressed him about it. the pieces click into place, and oh… oh, hajime.

unlike hajime, chiaki has nothing against homosexuality. she believes that god’s love comes in many forms, and so long as the people in a relationship truly love each other, then it doesn’t really matter what gender they are, does it? at first, she’s a bit hurt that hajime didn’t tell her, but she quickly reminds herself that hajime seems to deeply resent this part of himself— chances are, he’s yet to even accept it. she hurts for him, i think. she doesn’t like seeing her best friend be so cruel to himself over how he loves. she keeps up the relationship for a couple weeks, to give him the chance to tell her. when it’s clear that he doesn’t plan on telling anyone anytime soon, she decides to take matters into her own hands.

when chiaki approaches hajime and tells him she thinks they’d be better off as friends, he panics. he practically begs her to stay together, asks what he did wrong, promises he’ll do whatever it takes to keep this relationship alive, anything. chiaki looks at him softly, takes his hands in hers, and tells him that it’s okay, he hasn’t done anything wrong. she knows how much he cares about her, but there’s nothing either of them can do if they simply aren’t romantically compatible. “you can’t help who you love,” she tells him. hajime’s breath seems to stutter at that, and he pulls her into a tight hug, apologizing and sobbing gently into her shoulder. it’s a bit awkward physically, since chiaki’s pretty short in comparison to hajime, but she holds him as best she can. when he eventually pulls back, she tells him that they’ll always be best friends, okay? hajime sniffles, smiles, apologizes for breaking down like that, and agrees. best friends. he still doesn’t tell her. she doesn’t ask him to. he’ll tell her when he’s ready.

hajime tells komaeda about the breakup less than 24 hours after it happens. komaeda offers him a kind, gentle smile, clearly meant to reassure him. it reaches his eyes. “i’m sorry things didn’t work out, but i’m grateful you were able to maintain your friendship,” he says. he promises hajime that being single won’t doom him, and that he can still be freed of his sin even if he doesn’t have a nice girl to settle down with at the moment. they will continue their guidance, and one day hajime will be purified. hajime thanks his priest for all he’s done for him. Father Komaeda says he’d do anything to help someone dear see the glory of God.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S06E15

So, as I’m sure a lot of people have already figured out, we just watched the intended season finale. CityTV, you better hope I never get to cross that ocean. I mean, every season finale aside from the two where Peter Mitchell was in charge (coincidence?) were run of the mill episodes which could have fit anywhere in the season. Maybe it will be fitting for this season to start and end with viewers wondering what they watched. But I’m getting ahead of myself here and I might be wrong. Let’s focus on 15 which may very well be the best episode of the season for me, probably tied with S06E04.

The spoiled scene with Charlie and Sarah’s mentioned anniversary. Rex totally wants to stay with Jesse after their “celebration”. I’m trying to figure whether Jesse is pretending to be naive or is actually being naive about it. Or if the whole response is the writers being unable to outright say that Charlie and Sarah really spent their anniversary having sex all night.

Speaking of, two years, Charlie Hudson? What are you waiting for, an epiphany to hit you in the head? Oh, wait.

What do you mean, we didn’t save the day? There’s a dead woman? Huh? 

Nice bomb explosion by the way.

“My bosses are gonna hate this but tell me more”. lol Jesse

How did we end up as security detail for the woman who might become prime minister?

Look, I like when there’s a case where they’re toying with supernatural elements. That’s why I loved Castle so much. And Jesse is always eager to believe. Charlie on the other hand looks like he’s got tons to say on the subject. Rex too. Apparently he doesn’t believe in time travel either.

Any so called time traveler should come back to the present with the numbers for the lottery. That would be ample proof for me :P

Can I say how much I like the camera work on this one? Good directing by John Vatcher.

Rex is getting so many pats in this episode. Deserved.

This campaign manager is on par with the Veep campaign managers. And by that I mean he’s ruthless and self-centered and I want to punch him.

That food now possibly has dog hair in it.

I come from a country where it’s pretty normal to put a musical montage right in the middle of an episode (even a dance number), so I’m not going to say anything about the needless song.

Thunk! There goes Charlie. Again. I’ll spare y’all the concussion speech. Besides, time moves in mysterious ways in this show, maybe it’s already been six months since episode 11.

Seriously, why do you tell Rex to chase a lead if you can’t survive being ten feet away from him?

I can’t remember the last time any of my shows put a bomb vest on one of the main characters. The latest that I remember was FBI but it was on a minor character. That had been a great episode too.

I haven’t yet decided whether that bomb vest looks too amateurish. To be fair, given who the culprit was, it shouldn’t look professional.

Sarah finding Charlie as he has a bomb vest on is like, the best thing that has happened lately on this show. Her look. His look as he realizes that he’s got his entire family now in this (and the mantra of no, no, no that must be playing in his head, I’m filling the blanks, don’t mind me). The slight zooming in of the camera in both of their shots, denoting the direness of the situation.

I was almost waiting for Charlie to say “this isn’t as enjoyable as it was last night” as Sarah was touching him while she’s checking the bomb vest. It writes itself, come on.

In my last review post I wrote that I was hoping the earphones would serve for Charlie to call Sarah and tell her goodbye or something like that. This certainly exceeded my expectations.

We’re a bit late for love confessions under duress but when Charlie was asked about whether Sarah was his wife and he replied “Not yet”, that was a nice moment. At least we know where his head is at.

Their silent communication. They’re so in sync.

Elsewhere, Joe and Jesse are quietly trying to figure out a way to save innocent people and somehow not get their friend blown up.

Superintendent Joe Donovan making airplane noises. I laughed so much.

They are holding hands as they’re walking to their doom! Oh, by the way, interesting music choice. I wonder if it’s score created for the show or non-original music. I’ve certainly not heard it before on the show.

Goodbye kiss! I love it here. And look at the shot of Charlie and Rex leaving as Sarah is staying behind.

Me: no way it’s the convict. Five minutes later: it’s the fucking convict!!! Ten minutes later: it’s not the convict???

Ha, Charlie using the mute button which is pretty convenient but almost no one uses on calls. 

Okay, they fooled me with the bomber. But the takedown went pretty much as I expected. Nice communication with Rex through hand signals, again. Although the detonator flying off the lady’s hand… anything could have happened.

Rex’s influence to the system will be more K9s lol. They may also have ensured unlimited funding for the SJPD.

Can the time traveling guy tell us if Charlie is going to propose anytime soon? Or is the “not yet” considered a non-proposal proposal?

This is the first time I’m hearing about the so called Alice in wonderland syndrome.

“Everybody needs a Rex”. Ah, yes. Our catchphrase.

Charlie, put the phone down. When is that man clocking out? Who’s going to make sure Rex is getting adequate rest? I need to talk to his superior. Joe!

Well, I kept saying that I wanted Charlie and Sarah to be in danger again together since they hadn’t after they had become a couple, and I got my wish, thank you, show. We could have had an aftermath scene with them but I’m not going to complain about it in an otherwise good episode.

Promo: I’m beyond frustrated that they keep shuffling the episodes and they wouldn’t even give it a rest when they got the season finale or the 100th episode on their hands. Today’s (yesterday’s) episode would have been a better 100th episode than The Rookie’s for sure (which is embarrassing for The Rookie). But instead we get to watch it as episode 99 and have a run of the mill case for the 100th, which, unless it ends up in a huge celebration scene, is going to fall flat. We basically end off exactly as we started, expect I now know this is 100% CityTV’s fault.

Speaking of, is CityTV even going to acknowledge that it’s the 100th episode? Is anyone? I’m obviously not expecting the magnitude of promotion ABC gave The Rookie or 911 this season (and that was a lot) but something that shows they’re not completely neglecting Hudson and Rex. It doesn’t seem like we’re getting renewal news anytime soon, so I’d settle for them celebrating the episodes they already filmed. There are quite a few production companies involved too, this does not only fall on CityTV. If Shaftesbury wants to celebrate this milestone, I won’t say no.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Thanks for all the love on the episode one intro for my fan-written Six of Crows Spin Off script! I’ve decided to post each episode broken down into parts since they’re looking pretty long when they’re all strung together, so welcome to episode one part 2! If anyone hasn’t seen the intro yet and wants to then let me know and I can tag you, and I have been wondering whether I should make an AO3 account so I can put my fics up and it’s easier to find all the chapters so if anyone thinks that would be better then let me know (it wouldn’t stop me from putting them up here too) ❤️

Be warned I've taken a little artisitc licence (eg inserting a reference to my personal Anya headcanon in the previous part) but most of this is direct quotes/takes on direct quotes - and also I've never written a script before so my formatting is my own made up method I hope it makes sense. This section more than the previous is one where I’ve had to start making strides away from the book in order to match Show!canon but I’m trying to remain as true as possible. Hope you enjoy! ❤️

Episode One Part 2

[TITLE CARDS]

[Open on the Barrel. The camera moves into the city from the harbours, through shadows across the rooftops of East and West Stave. We are seeing the city through someone's eyes. We travel past several pleasure houses, but we do not see the Menagerie. West Stave is alive and kicking; the streets are overflowing with the colourful Komedie Brute costumes of pleasure seekers, girls in silks wave from high windows to prospective clients on the street below, acrobats hang from swings over the canal as people watch them whooping and cheering. As we leave West Stave behind and head south, we pass the Crow Club with heavy crowds outside it, and arrive on the rooftop of the Slat. The camera pans down to the street below, and the clacking of a cane is heard against the cobbles. The camera switches to street level to watch KAZ BREKKER enter the Slat, heads in the busy building quickly turning towards him. The room seems to come more alert as he walks through it.

A group of people - ROTTY, ANNIKA, PIM, and ROETTER - stand near the stairs talking. The room is still loud and they don't appear to have noticed KAZ]

ROTTY: I'm just sayin', Wraith's been scarce. Worth a mention, innit?

ROETTER: So he can set that shark's glare on me? Sign me up to the gallows first

ANNIKA: C'mon, he knows your gunning to be his new spider. Everyone knows. You actually mention it, maybe you'll get jobs comin' your way.

[Someone begins to reply but the conversation dies quickly and nervously as KAZ approaches. He clearly knows what they're talking about, but he does not acknowledge it.]

KAZ: Annika, fetch Jesper and Big Bolliger. I want them as my seconds tonight

ANNIKA: Big Bol? You sure you just want a bouncer tonight Kaz? Could be tr-

[KAZ glares at ANNIKA and she quiets, before turning to leave. The group disperses and Kaz marches up the stairs to the attic. Behind him, ROTTY can be heard expressing agreement on ROETER's point about the shark's glare. KAZ opens his window and wafts away a group of crows that have gathered there, then walks to the sink and removes his gloves. Behind him, the crows return to their perch. The camera focuses on KAZ's hands as he begins to wash them, until he straightens and sighs]

KAZ: You shouldn't feed crows

[Kaz turns and the camera follows his gaze. INEJ GHAFA sits on the window sill, reaching out to the birds]

INEJ: Why not?

[INEJ closes her eyes to feel the last of the evening sun on her cheeks. KAZ watches her intently, whatever he was going to say dying on his lips. His jaw ticks]

INEJ: Why not, Kaz?

[KAZ hesitates, breath catching]

KAZ: They have no manners

[INEJ laughs. The sun is soft and glowing on her face, her eyes are still closed. KAZ cannot stop watching her, and it terrifies him]

INEJ: Neither do you, Kaz. You didn't even say hello

KAZ: You didn't say goodbye

[There is a brief pause. INEJ looks at KAZ, then out the window]

INEJ, softly: I should have KAZ: Why are you here?

[INEJ looks out the window]

KAZ: You still hear things

INEJ: You can’t train a falcon and expect it not to hunt.

[She looks up at him]

INEJ: Heleen Van Houden.

[KAZ nods]

INEJ: Wandering into the Barrel like she wasn’t the victim in a murder investigation that nearly tore the city to shreds. And what? Having immediate claim to the house she left in the hands of Pekka Rollins?

KAZ: He’s out. When your supposed victim’s sticking her fingers back into the pocket of every magistrate in city, you find your murder charges dropping pretty quickly.

INEJ: So that’s that?

KAZ: That’s that. Everything we did, for nothing:

[INEJ runs her fingers across the scar from her Menagerie tattoo]

INEJ: For everything.

[For a moment, the silence is fraught. The pair cannot quite bring themselves to make eye contact. By the time KAZ speaks, it seems as though he is forcing himself to say it aloud]

KAZ: I have a job tonight

[INEJ looks up at KAZ, expectantly]

KAZ: We need you. I... I need you

[INEJ smiles as she climbs through the window and into the room]

INEJ: What are we doing?

KAZ: Parely, with the Black Tips. I'll need anything you can tell me on Geels' seconds - Oomen and []

[As KAZ speaks the scene dissolves into him, JESPER FAHEY, ANNIKA, PIM, ROTTY, BIG BOLLIGER, MUZZEN, and several other Dregs members standing outside the wall of the exchange later that night. KAZ's explanation of the plan continues on voiceover as we see the group arrive, talking to each other loudly]

KAZ: They've been eating away at my business on Fifth Harbour for weeks, and now they've intercepted a jurda shipment. Tonight, we discuss. And tonight, someone pays.

[INEJ stands on the roof of the exchange, looking down at the group below. As she slips down through the shadows, touching her hands to her knives and silently mouthing their names, she looks at the carvings in the stone arch entrance to the exchange: Industry, Integrity, Prosperity. She frowns. She slips to the ground a little farther down the street so she can approach the group at ground level, pausing for a moment to watch them from a darkened storefront. KAZ stands a little back from the others, leaning against his cane in the shadow of the arch. His eyes find Inej, then keep moving.]

JESPER: Three ships! The Shu sent them. Just sitting in the harbour - cannons out, red flags flying. And stuffed to the sails with gold.

BIG BOLLIGER: Would've liked to see that

JESPER: Would've like to steal that. Half the Merchant Council was down there flapping and squawking, trying to figure out what to do

BIG BOLLIGER: Don't they want the Shu paying their debts?

[KAZ steps forward into the slice of light where the others are standing, cane hitting the cobble stones loudly]

KAZ: Yes and no. It's always nice to have a country in debt to you. Makes for... friendlier negotiations

[KAZ looks specifically at BIG BOLLIGER as he speaks, wearing a crocodile's smile. JESPER shrugs]

JESPER: Maybe the Shu are done being friendly. They didn't have to send all that treasure at once. You reckon they stuck that trade ambassador?

[KAZ lifts his gaze again and this time his and INEJ's eyes meet directly. They are both thinking the same thing; brief flashback to KAZ's office. INEJ sits cross-legged on the window sill as KAZ paces slowly, and they list theories for each other about how the Trade Ambassador was murdered]

INEJ: We have to be missing something. Men don’t just walk into washrooms and find knives in their backs.

KAZ: Broad daylight, no windows, no vents. No-one in or out. Not even you could've squeezed through the plumbing

INEJ: So what? Ghosts?

[KAZ raises an eyebrow]

KAZ: Don't tell me you believe in ghosts now

INEJ: I believe in lots of things, Kaz. But perhaps wraiths aren't one of them

[The challenge is clear in her eyes and it makes KAZ uncomfortable. Return to the present]

KAZ: It won't matter what actually happened, just what everyone thinks did. The Zemeni blame the Kerch, the Kerch suspect the Shu, and no-one gets their satisfying answer before all the guns come out. It's nearly time

[KAZ gestures for JESPER and BIG BOLLIGER to remove their weapons. JESPER unslings his gun belt unhappily, and bestows a kiss on each revolver before handing them to ROTTY]

JESPER: Take good care of my babies. If I see a single scratch on them, I'll spell 'forgive me' across your chest in bullets

ROTTY: You wouldn't waste the ammo

BIG BOLLIGER: And he'd die before you finished 'forgive'

JESPER: It's about sending a message - what's the point of a dead guy with 'FORG' written on his chest?

KAZ: So, compromise. 'SORRY' does the trick - and uses fewer bullets.

[BIG BOLLIGER hands over all of his weapons, and KAZ hands over three knives]

JESPER, pointing to Kaz's cane: What about that?

KAZ: Who'd deny a poor cripple his cane?

JESPER: If it's you, any man with sense

KAZ: Then it's a good job we're meeting Geels tonight. Neutral territory, Jesper, give up the rifle

INEJ: This is a mistake

[INEJ is suddenly visible from the shadows. BIG BOLLIGER flinches away from her as the others all jump in surprise, except KAZ, and a whisper of 'the Wraith' goes through the crowd.]

INEJ: This doesn't feel neutral. Geels is up to something

KAZ: Of course he is.

INEJ: Then why come here tonight?

KAZ: Street law is street law, Inej. There's a way to do things

INEJ: You’re going to get us all killed

[JESPER smiles, stretching]

JESPER: Statistically, Inej, he's probably only going to get some of us killed

INEJ: It's not a joke

KAZ: He's not joking - he's playing the odds.

BIG BOLLIGER: Well I have a pint of lager waiting for me at the Couperron, so I can’t be the one to die tonight.

JESPER, grinning: Care to place a wager?

BIG BOLLIGER: I'm not going to bet on my own death

KAZ, running his fingers over the rim of his hat: Why not, Bolliger? We do it every day

[The church bell chimes for midnight]

KAZ: Remember: No matter what you hear, you don’t whether the fray without my say so. Stay sharp, and stay hidden

[There is a murmur of acknowledgment and agreement from the Dregs. INEJ turns towards the shadows and Kaz catches her arm to stop her. The camera focuses on her gloves and her sleeve]

KAZ: Keep an eye on the rooftop guards. Geels may have them in his pocket

[INEJ frowns but nods. She backs away slightly as Kaz releases her arm. There is tension in coming so close to touch and neither of them have missed it]

JESPER: No mourners

ALL: No funerals

[The trio enter the exchange. INEJ climbs the canal-facing wall]

INEJ, muttering to self: Street law. A relic. How would you fair if I obeyed street law, Kaz?

[She swings herself up capably and smiles]

INEJ, to self: How would you fair if I obeyed the law of gravity?

[As she climbs and the first look at the scene unfolds, KAZ and INEJ discuss the plan on voiceover; the conversation they had earlier this evening continued]

KAZ, voiceover: They’re sure precaution against you

[INEJ finds the drainpipe she reaches for slick with oil and a rim she runs her fingers over to test covered in ground glass. She smiles with grim pleasure at the knowledge she is expected]

INEJ, voiceover: They’re sure to try

[She picks the lock of a window and sneaks inside, crossing to a balcony to stand over the exchange. She watches KAZ, JESPER, and BIG BOLLIGER enter from the Eastern side of the exchange as the Black Tips - GEELS, OOMEN, and ELSINGER - enter from the Western. INEJ’s voiceover returns to tell KAZ the information she gathered about the Black Tips, and the camera focuses on each of them as she speaks]

INEJ, voiceover: Geels and Elsinger came up the ranks of the Black Tips together. There’s trust there, not exploitable. There’s little to say about Elsinger that you can’t tell by looking at him. He’s a bruiser, and he’s good at it

KAZ, voiceover: At least with Bolliger there one of us will be tall enough to look him in the eye

INEJ, voicover: If there’s any potential problem, it’s Oomen.

KAZ: Oomen, Really? He’s built like a scarecrow

INEJ: He might not look so much of a threat, but he makes me nervous. He’s violent, and he’s unafraid. They say he once crushed a man’s skull with his bare hands, wiped the blood off on his shirt, and went on drinking

[The opposing gang members pat each other down to check for weapons. JESPER finds a small knife on ELSINGER and tosses it to the corner of the Exchange]

JESPER: Naughty, naughty

[BIG BOLLIGER finishes patting down GEELS]

BIG BOLLIGER: He’s clean

[GEELS spreads his arms to indicate the start of the negotiations. He is noticeably older than KAZ and the others, but it doesn’t look like he’s weaker. He seems more confident, possibly even more commanding]

GEELS: Let’s be fair, eh? It’s not fair for you to cull every spend-happy tourist stepping off a boat in fifth harbour. We all got bills to pay

KAZ: Fifth harbour is ours. We get first crack at all the pigeons we want

GEELS: You’re young, lad, you’re fresh. Maybe you don’t know how these things work yet. Harbours belong to the city, we all have as much right to them as anyone else

KAZ: Not fifth. Maybe you don’t know how these things work, but I own majority shares in that harbour. It was all but useless to this city until I had it dredged, and built out the docks. Fifth harbour is mine.

[GEELS sniffs in disagreement, but has no counterargument]

KAZ: You’ve been interrupting our traffic, and you intercepted a jurda shipment that should have docked two nights ago

GEELS: I don’t know what you’re talking about

KAZ: I know it comes easy, Geels, but try not to play dumb with me

[GEELS steps forwards but KAZ stands his ground]

GEELS: Quit flexing, boy. We all know Per Haskell doesn’t have the stomach for a real brawl

[KAZ laughs roughly]

KAZ: But I’m the one at your table. Haskell’s out of the game - has been for a while now. Maybe you should start second guessing your sources of information

[GEELS shifts uncomfortably]

KAZ: The Dregs are my operation, and I’m not here for a taste. You want a war? I’ll make sure you eat your fill

GEELS: And if you vanish, Brekker? We all know you’re the spine of the operation - whether it’s Haskell behind the scenes or someone else. Snap it, and the Dregs collapse.

[JESPER laughs and incurs glares from everyone else]

JESPER: Stomach, spine. What’s next - spleen?

ELSINGER: Shut it

KAZ: Follow the damn rules, Jesper.

[JESPER mouths “sorry” and pantomimes locking his lips. KAZ rolls his eyes before turning back to his conversation]

KAZ: I’m fairly sure you’re threatening me, Geels. But I want to be certain before I decide what time do about it

GEELS: Then what if I told you there are two guards with city issue rifles pointed at you right now?

[INEJ tenses, eyes quickly searching the roof for the guards’ silhouettes. KAZ glances casually upwards]

KAZ: Hiring city guards to do your killing? I’d say that’s an expensive proposition for a gang like the Black Tips

[INEJ climbs up to the roof and hurries across it, ignoring the walkway that is clearly there to be used by the guards. She hides behind the gables to watch for the guards and listen to the conversation]

KAZ: I’m flattered you’d do so much just for me

GEELS: The Dregs won’t last a week without you

KAZ: I’d give them a month on sheer momentum

GEELS: Should we find out, you smug little slum rat?

KAZ: Do it

[INEJ cannot find the guards and she is panicking. KAZ is very calm]

GEELS: Should I have them shoot you in the good leg?

KAZ: Stop talking and do it. Shoot

Jesper: … Kaz?

KAZ: Go on

INEJ, to self: What game are you playing, Kaz?

GEELS: Fire!

[There’s a loud gunshot and a sudden flash. BIG BOLLIGER screams as he collapses to the floor of the exchange and JESPER runs towards him and applied pressure to the wound. KAZ raises an eyebrow]

JESPER: You worthless podge, Geels! You’ve violated neutral territory

GEELS, hiding the panic in his voice: Nothing to say you didn’t shoot first. And anyway, who’s going to know? None of you are walking out of here

KAZ: You don’t look well, Geels. Things aren’t going quite to plan, are they?

JESPER: Kaz, Bolliger’s bleeding bad

KAZ: Good.

JESPER: He needs a Medik

KAZ: He needs to stop his bellyaching and be glad I didn’t have Holst take him down with a headshot.

[GEELS flinches]

KAZ: That’s the guard’s name, right? Willem Holst and Bert Van Daal. The guards you emptied the Black Tips’ coffers to bribe. Holst likes to gamble almost as much as Jesper does, so your money held a lot of appeal. But he has bigger problems. Let’s call them… urges. I won’t go into detail - secrets aren’t like coin. They don’t keep their value in the spending. You’ll just have to take my word for it when I say that this one would turn even your rotten stomach.

[Another shot is fired, springing against the cobbles near GEELS’ feet. He jumps back in panic. INEJ tracks the source of the shot with her eyes, and heads in the opposite direction to find the other guard - VAN DAAL.]

GEELS: Just shoot him, Holst! Your secret dies with him

KAZ, snorting: You think I’m that foolish? Go on Holst, put a bullet in my skull! My messengers will reach your wife and your watch captain before I hit the ground. Are you worrying about the other guard, Geels? Maybe I got to him too. Maybe he’s getting ready to blow a hole in your chest.

[INEJ is hurrying across the rooftops towards VAN DAAL at top speed. It’s unclear if she’s going to make it in time]

KAZ: Why not give Van Daal the order and find out?

[GEELS hesitates for a moment]

GEELS: Van Daal?

[VAN DAAL opens his mouth but before he can reply a blade appears at his throat and he is forced backwards. INEJ stands behind him.]

INEJ: Hush, now

[She jabs him gently in the side; he knows there is another knife at his kidney.]

VAN DAAL: Please

INEJ: I like it when men beg. But this isn’t the time for it

[ozimagines]

I wanted to tell you all something but I can’t quite remember… oh, yeah…

HAPPY PRIDE!!!

I’ve been out for about five years now and it was the best decision of my life, even though I lost people I was close to because of it.

Oz is a large part of what helped me get there. I liked men growing up but I liked women too, and when I learned what Non Binary was (Deep South, no education) I fell in love with them too. I watched I Love Lucy and had a crush on both Ricky and Lucy. I thought for the longest time that straightness was a choice because I assumed everyone was attracted to everyone like I am😂 For those who don’t know, I’m pansexual fem-leaning and gender non conforming in my choice of gender expression even though I’m a Cisgender woman.

Watching Tobias Beecher, who had a wife, fall in love with a man and struggle to place these feelings that are so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time. I assumed since I liked men at all, that I just needed to choose to be straight. Watching him try to understand whether or not he was gay, and finally come to terms that he is who he is and labels aren’t always for him made my coming out easier. In fact, he’s the reason I knew I was pan. Because I liked everyone, like him, and the love didn’t feel wrong or lesser when it was for the same sex or non binaries. It just felt like more love.

Fiona empowered me to start expressing my gender the way I wanted. I still dress fairly femme, but I like to spice it up with masculine features and clothes. I like the androgyny, even if I also like my she/her pronouns. I got to see her break the mould on what gender expression was. And she looked gorgeous every step of the way, so I figured I could do the same. Bought a beautiful black suit years ago to impress a girl, and it just felt right.

And not for nothing, but LGBTQIA+ has a higher rate of sexual assault, and I was a few years ago. I think that’s why I gravitate towards Peter Schibetta and James Robson. I understand what it’s like to be taken like that. To be reduced. These characters made me feel like it wasn’t my fault, like I could grow past it and be okay one day. During this pride month, let’s make an extra effort to be there for our brothers, sisters, and siblings who were sexually assaulted or raped for being who they are.

I know this isn’t my usual post, but Oz is my quintessential show for many reasons. It helped me understand that I was gay and feel safe coming out. It helped me feel seen after my assault. It’s discourse on mental health made me feel like a person again. Oz is, and always will be, the show that made me feel like it was okay to be myself, and I hope others had similar experiences.

Also, I’m white, but for years now, have been listening to my POC brothers, sisters, and siblings to hear about intersectionality in the LGBTQIA+ community. Think Billy Keane; being a POC and gay is DIFFICULT sometimes. Being a POC and being non-binary is rough. Its important this pride that we spend extra time on our POC community and make sure they’re okay.

And finally, than you to the allies. I understand that supporting the LGBTQIA+ community, but I lived in the Deep South, and had some straight cis friends who mustered up tremendous courage to stand by me as I figured things out. Yes, people should be supporting us, but sometimes they do to their done detriment in their social or romantic lives. Thank you allies, for making the world a little bit better for us.

Happy Pride; I’ll be focusing on lots on Pride themes this month (not like my page is super straight anyways lol) and hope to hear requests from my LGBTQIA+ followers especially if you want something tailored to your specific experience. Because I know it’s hard to find fanfiction for certain genders or sexualities, so I’ll try to come up with some in my own, but also hope for your creative inspiration in making this Oz themed Pride a wonderful one!

(Im also going to continue writing the asks I’ve gotten before this obviously, lol. I got some BOMB ass requests and I’m just spending lots of time on them to get them right. Some are characters I’ve never written before so I’ve been binging their scenes. All will be out soon!)

[iztarshi]

Day 1: Helpless

“I wouldn’t have expected that to affect Shredder,” Donatello says thoughtfully. “Bebop and Rocksteady, obviously, but Shredder was already human.”

“We knew it wasn’t retromutagen, or we’d be turtles right now,” Leonardo answers. “I suppose there’s no reason it would only affect mutants.”

“I wonder whether we’d have been better off as turtles,” Donatello says. “According to Krang it’s going to wear off in twenty-four hours, swimming around with empty heads could have been a nice break.”

“No way, dude! Check us out, we are ready to party,” Michelangelo puts in, spinning enthusiastically to show off his hawaiin shirt.

“Then again, some of us always have empty heads,” says Raphael. Personally he is not happy about this at all, although probably happier than he’d be if he was a turtle right now. If there’s anything he’s thankful for it’s that they were still in disguise when Bebop and Rocksteady messed up and flooded the warehouse with whatever that stuff was. He feels quite exposed enough without his nice, friendly shell wrapped around him without literally being naked. When he lifts his hand he can see five pale brown fingers, thin and fragile. It’s weird.

“But, like, we gotta take advantage of this,” Michelangelo is continuing. “Shredhead’s already vanquished for the day, April’s not stalking any gangs, we’re not gonna explode… right?”

“As far as I know,” Donatello says.

“Donatello, you are so reassuring,” Raphael tells him. Right, Michelangelo’s been human before. He even fought as a human. The thought sends shivers down Raphael’s spine and he can feel his spine, the sensation of it pressing against his skin with all the hairs above it on end. If a villain threw him into a wall right now it would be right there. On the surface. With all his nerves wrapped around it. He backs casually into a wall.

“I hope April’s not in any trouble. We’re not much use to anyone right now,” Leonardo says. He unsheathes a sword and looks concerned when his hand’s grip leaves its point wavering and askew. “We should train.”

“Why?” asks Donatello. “By the time we’ve relearned our weapons in new bodies it will have worn off.”

“Yeah!” Michelangelo says, grabbing Leonardo’s arm and leaning up into his face. “Let’s just take our minds off it. I know where there’s a concert.”

“Well… I guess there’s not really anything else we can do…” Leonardo says, in the hesitating tone he uses when he knows they shouldn’t really stop for pizza but is going to be persuaded anyway. “And it would be interesting to see how people treat us when we’re not turtles.”

“We’re still turtles,” says Donatello. “Underneath.”

“Come on, compadres, let’s party.” Michelangelo grabs Leonardo to solidify his agreement and pulls him out of the warehouse. Donatello follows them and, after a moment to peel himself off the wall, so does Raphael.

Outside the warehouse there’s a chill wind blowing through the evening streets. There’s also Donatello, starting at his arms in fascination.

“What, did it just hit you you’re not green?” Raphael puts a hand on Donatello’s shoulder and tries to ignore the give under the cloth of his shirt instead of the leathery resistance of scales.

“My hairs are standing on end,” Donatello says. “Gooseflesh. Which is an odd name for such a mammallian experience.”

“Weird. You’d think humans would react less to cold than we do,” Raphael says.

“Well, I’m sure we haven’t been fully cold-blooded since our mutation. But humans do generally handle cold better than we do, this is just one of the ways their body does handle cold.”

“Dudes, forget the science lesson,” Michelangelo calls.

There aren’t many people on the street which is good because Raphael’s struggling not to flinch every time they pass one. This is stupid, he’s not this nervous when they’re in disguise, tonight they’re normal humans and have nothing to fear except… muggers. This is New York. When he’s in disguise he’s still a turtle underneath, not in the way Donatello says they still are, but in the far more reassuring way that means someone hitting him will find him unexpectedly hard.

A man in a long coat pushes past them, shoving Donatello — distracted by the streetlamps coming on this time — almost into a wall. Raphael grabs him before he can hit it and then wonders why his heart is beating so fast. He’s seen April shoved into walls before. He’s acting like humans are made of tissue paper.

He yanks Donatello to his feet and yells, “Hey! We’re walking here!” after the human’s retreating back.

“Are you all right?” Leonardo asks, coming back to look Donatello over with an anxiety that makes Raphael feel a bit better about his own reaction. “What were you hanging back for?”

“I was trying to make notes on whether the colours look different,” Donatello says, sheepishly. “But I don’t know.”

They set off again with Michelangelo still leading but Leonardo now following behind them like a sheepdog. Raphael tells himself not much can happen under the eye of their fearless leader and tries to relax.

“Guess we’d better get used to that happening,” Raphael mutters. “Since I don’t suppose we’re going to a nice classical concert with nice cosy chairs instead of the kind of concert where we’ll be squished by a million humans.”

“Put a sock in it, wouldja?” Michelangelo says, stopping to scowl at him. “How often do we get the chance to mingle?”

“Maybe I don’t want to mingle. Maybe I just want my shell.” Which would have sounded like typical Raphael grumbling if his voice hadn’t gone rather squeaky on the last word.

Michelangelo’s expression softens and he glances uncertainly at Leonardo who says, “Let’s go home.”

“But -” Michelangelo says, crestfallen.

“I’m not saying we have to stay there. We can have a break and a snack, maybe change into something more appropriate for a concert.”

“If we’re going to mingle with humans we shouldn’t really be carrying weapons,” Donatello puts in.

Leonardo looks like he regrets saying anything about changing before valiantly continuing with, “Exactly. Let’s go.”

Leonardo’s leading this time, so Michelangelo falls back to the rear and surprises Raphael by wrapping his arms around his back from behind. He can feel his spine relaxing with the warm, heavy buffer of Michelangelo between it and the world and gives Michelangelo’s arm a grateful pat.

It’s pretty sad that for once Raphael has the chance to go anywhere he wants without issue and instead he’s glad to be back in the sewers. Home, sweet home.

In the disguise room, Raphael grabs for a leather jacket. Leather’s tough, not the way his shell is, but at least the way his skin normally is. Donatello starts looking at leather, too, while Michelangelo, apparently happy in his hawaiin shirt, goes to fetch them snacks. Leonardo follows him out maybe to help, maybe to put his swords away and kiss them goodbye.

Looks like it’s neither, though, since Leonardo returns with a large square of something that looks like very shiny plastic with chicken wire embedded in it and starts rummaging through their backpacks.

“That’s my experimental steecrylic,” Donatello says, reproachfully.

“I’m just borrowing it,” says Leonardo, finding a backpack it will fit in and coming over to loop it over Raphael’s shoulders. “It’s really tough. I smacked it with my sword hilt and it didn’t affect it at all.”

“How many things in my lab did you test by hitting them?” Donatello demands, before leaving to see for himself.

Raphael reaches around to knock on the steecrylic. It’s pretty solid and, yeah, he does feel better for having it there. “Could do with some cushioning,” he says, taking it off to tuck a few shirts into the backpack around it. Leonardo smiles at him way too fondly and he ducks practically behind the backpack to hide from it.

Michelangelo enters the room with — what else? — pizza and and asks. “Are we good to go once we’ve eaten?”

“Yeah,” Raphael says. “Let’s mingle.”

[junowritings]

Hey!! Hi!! Hello!! I noticed your matchups are open right now and I was wondering if I could get a BG3 matchup :]

I use any pronouns and have no gender preference!

I tend to be a bit introverted and like being alone but the second I’m around my friends I am the LIFE of the party and am usually the one to organize hangouts and parties among the group. Comedically enough though my friends typically compare me to Gale, usually calling me a recluse who “hasn’t seen the light of day in 3 years” lmao. I,,, may be autistic.

My hobbies primarily include art, whether that be digital, traditional, animation, 3D modeling or hell, playing guitar, ukulele or even the ocarina. I’ve also recently rediscovered my love for reading and learning languages (I’m currently learning Swedish lol). I also really enjoy traveling and will get out of town and occasionally out of the country whenever I get the chance. On a nice sunny day I’ve also been known to walk to the nearby park and just walk around barefoot cuz I like the feeling of Nature*tm*.

In a relationship I’m typically the person to initiate contact, usually bringing up date ideas and initiating physical affection and the like. I don’t mind PDA though I do generally prefer being affectionate in private. On that note, I am VERY AFFECTIONATE and once someone has accepted me hugging them it will be a WHILE till I let go lol. Besides the obvious physical touch I do show affection more often through sharing fun facts and the like :]

Likes: Physical affection, art, music, hanging out with my friends, chai, mochi, being in nature, anything steampunk and anything relating to pirates

Dislikes: bright lights, loud noises, extreme temperatures (though mostly hotter weather), people acting like they’re better than me

My strengths id say are primarily my creativity and initiative. Id also argue I have good planning and social skills.

My weaknesses primarily include my tendency to get overly focused on things and sometimes forget to take care of myself because of it ehe,,,

Thaaatt,,, should be all! Thanks <]

Heyya hi! :D You certainly can get a match-up! Been a hot second so I need to brush up on my BG3 knowledge, but I think I found a lovely fit for you...

Welcome to opposites attract. On this episode-

Whilst I’ll admit that at first you and Gale seemed like a potentially good fit, Rolan inevitably won out because I believe that you two would compliment one another really well and bring out the best in each other!

You keep to yourself initially, which Rolan is unsurprisingly respectful of; if there’s anyone you have to worry about needlessly bothering you when you’re not up for the interaction, it’s definitely not him. He understands that preferring to spend some time on your own isn’t a bad thing; he’s very much the kind of person to enjoy some alone time (though the chances he gets to actually do that are few and far between even after things have settled down lmao). Sometimes enjoying one’s own company is healthy and has its merits, allowing you to recharge after a long day.

The first time he sees you break from your shell though the contrast is rather stark. Rolan had already caught a few glimpses of the life bubbling under the surface of your otherwise introverted nature the more that you warmed up to him - but when he sees you in the company of your closest friends for the first time? He’s taken aback by the way you practically lighten up in their company. He’s heard others in your circle commencing that you’re the life of the party whenever you’re around, but the tiefling definitely didn’t anticipate that to be so literal watching you immerse yourself amongst friends with a renewed vigor.

The jokes your companions crack about your comparisons to a certain wizard of Waterdeep earn an eyeroll or two from the tiefling as he listens to them ribbing you over your occasional tendencies. He’s been on enough of your planned outings to know that’s hardly the case and will tell them as such, though it’s all in good fun thankfully - besides if you prefer to hole yourself away with your creature comforts, you’re always welcome to do so at the tower. Oftentimes the wizard will chime in on the usual banter to add that it’s a good thing you made an exception to that little reclusive streak of yours for him - it would have been quite the loss otherwise.

Your instruments always have a safe place in the tower, that’s assured from the moment you make any kind of mention about the instruments that you play. He says it’s because there’s few places as well protected as his home, so why not keep them there to practice if you ever come over to visit? In reality it’s all a not so hidden excuse just to hear you play. He’ll leave his office door open or linger on the main floor of the upper levels of the tower whenever he knows you’re about to start playing, acting as though it’s not completely obvious he’s actively listening. I personally think that Rolan would be quite partial to the ukulele, if only for how fluid the notes as you pluck at the strings. If you were to take a peek at the tiefling as you’re playing, you’ll find that he often stops what he's doing to bask in the melody for a little while, the slight tilt of his head towards the direction the music is coming from a dead giveaway that you’ve got his attention hook line and sinker. Speaking of the tower though, sorcerous sundries provides a wealth of entertainment for your rediscovered passion in reading. In truth most of the stock is ancient texts and magical tomes older than both of you combined, but whatever you find that peaks your interest is yours for the reading (once he’s ensured it’s safe and not somehow curse-laden - hells knows what’s in some of those things.) It’s the first sign that he’s actively vying for your affections - Rolan hopes to earn your approval through impressing you at every turn. So the moment you express a shred of interest in the books lining the shelves all around, he’s set. And perhaps he uses some of his new connections to quietly add a couple of actual reading materials to those shelves just for you, who knows~?

After the events of the main game, Rolan is rather stubborn about staying put in the tower and the gate in general. After everything that he and the other Teiflings went through just to get here, and honestly having experienced some of the worst things the outside world has to offer he’s set on sticking to the four walls of his new home, thank you very much. It can admittedly be a point of contention given his reluctance to explain how he’s feeling sometimes; coming off as downright stubborn until you learn that he’s not exactly opposed to the idea of traveling, it will just…take some time before that avenue opens up for discussion. Trips around the gate though are fair game for the early relationship. Rolan learns quickly to spot the signs that you’re plotting another day out - hears the hum as you mull them over and the way your mouth quirks when you’ve settled on an idea. Thankfully there’s some wonderful places in the city where the bustle of crowds and incessant noise struggles to reach, offering a respite for the both of you where he can enjoy the quiet of your company and you can get your fill of being out in nature.

You and Rolan are definitely on the same page about preferring affection in private. In the early stages of your relationship you may find that it takes a little while to warm up to your affectionate nature. He certainly doesn’t mind it - quite the opposite, as the guy is so blatantly wanton of any romantic gestures that you could very well reduce him to a mess in your hands if you wanted to. In the privacy of your own home you’ll find that the man is far more open with his own affection, tail curling around you as he slips into your arms. Please card your hands through his hair - even if you accidentally knock his horns a couple of times in the process you’ll be able to watch the stress evaporate from his body with each moment, sinking deeper and deeper into your embrace. Gods forbid you cuddle him lying or sitting down because once he’s truly relaxed in one place neither of you are going anywhere.

[laurasbailey]

if i may add re: one of the women pulling something like that, i always find that such a funny argument in any fandom because, you know. we do #Live In A Society. so them being women Is actually a pretty crucial difference lmao and yes i might very well have liked it if it had been one of them because of it?

(prefacing the rest of this by asking everyone to bear with me and read this in good faith, i’m talking about a character and not trying to say or imply anything about any players)

which kind of tangentially ties into my biggest beef with ashton (and i understand that this is probably harsh and unfair), but between the acting like they always know better than everyone else, the arrogance and massive ego, the martyr/hero complex combo, the dismissiveness of others' feelings, the anger issues and propensity to violent outbursts etc, this is a character that acts and speaks in ways that are virtually indistinguishable from your average misogynist. i don’t think that this is intentional or even conscious (and definitely not malicious) on tal’s part, I think it’s more likely an unfortunate confluence of circumstances with this particular story (ie the campaign being heavily focused on women, so they’re in a position within the story where they're the natural point one would turn to with disagreements and stuff); but it’s like, no amount of dissecting motivations changes the objective fact of how they behave. and to me that makes for a character who’s about as interesting as idk, an asshole coworker. obviously this is all very subjective, and i know a lot of people find him compelling and write very good analysis, and love and light to them, but i personally cannot get past this and bring myself to give a shit you know.

absolutely get where you're coming from, and it's super interesting because as someone who doesn't see a lot of fandom opinion anymore, i wonder how many people also see this? or do most people just adore ashton and this is the minority opinion?

i usually find taliesin to be very self aware about the flaws of his characters, but i think you're right, without context it could very well come across as misogynistic due to the circumstances of the campaign being very female-centric. personally i think he's just being an asshole and by process of elimination, the women end up in the firing line because they're in the spotlight story-wise and are, let's be real, the leaders of the group. fcg is typically agreeable, nobody butts heads with orym, and chetney generally sits back during any verbal conflict. ashton just seems to have a general lack of respect for everyone and just uses the 'i don't know how to show it' excuse.

i think ashton wants to be a leader (whether they know it or not) but right now they just don't have the qualities to be one. in many situations they're like 'i don't like this', 'we shouldn't do this', but offers no alternatives. and sometimes he'll try to take charge in situations where he should really be taking a backseat (i.e. when they were trying to resurrect laudna) and he'll speak way out of turn on things he knows nothing about (again, that time he said he knows loneliness in a way laudna doesn't ??? lmao). it's like he has a compulsive need to always share his opinion and somehow prove he's suffering more than you, and nobody likes that guy at the party.

it's obvious taliesin is playing a lot of these flaws as a character who was raised by, well, no one, which makes sense! but there's been so little character development for 70+ episodes and very little effort made on ashton's part (up until now where he's supposedly going to change) that i just don't have an interest in it. it just bothers me now because characters i do really love will be caught up in the consequences.

[joons]

Anime and Kindness

@sweetsassymusic sent this message to me. 

I’m currently trying to sort my feelings on a troubling anime I watched that I both loved and hated. It’s an anime I think you’ve seen (and possibly disliked?) if I remember right, so I was wondering if you had any thoughts that might help me put it in perspective.

The anime is Puella Magi Madoka Magica. (Big spoilers ahead.)

The show is filled with good-hearted girls who want to fight for justice, help others, and make the world a better place. But the more they try to do this, the more they’re punished for it. More importantly, the ways they are punished for it make it seem like a purposeful thing. Like the show is saying they deserve punishment for trying to do good, that trying to help people is selfish or stupid, and they need to grow out of that desire. Meanwhile, characters who exploit others and care only for themselves are faring much better.

It’s not an accident either. Real statements I’ve seen by the creators, active fans and prominent reviewers state that, “The characters are naïve enough to believe that every magical girl should use their power to help people” and “The girls’ strong sense of justice is their downfall” and “Being more honest than everyone else also makes the girls weaker than everyone else. They don’t think properly about right and wrong.” and that the show forces viewers “to question whether there is really such a thing as a selfless act, and that kindness can lead to greater tragedy.“

It would be one thing if it were urging viewers to be kind in a “smart” way (i.e. be kind but protect yourself, don’t trust everyone, learn to say no to people, etc.). But sometimes it feels like this show is condemning kindness as a whole, because no matter how “smart” the girls on the show try to be with their kindness, things still get worse for them. Like having ideals at all is too idealistic, and you need to repent of it all or you’re destined to fail.

There’s even a cosmic rule Kyubeh talks about where the universe balances itself through an equal measure of kindness and cruelty, so if you try to add more kindness to the world, you will eventually be forced to add more cruelty as well so the universe can re-balance. So, because the world needs balance, too much kindness is a bad thing, and cruelty is good because it’s a balancing factor?

On the surface, it seems like the writers want people to give up on the idea of kindness as a goal, and instead think of it as a nice little thing you do occasionally (as long as it’s not too big a kindness!) as you focus on the real everyday goal of ensuring your survival. But if this was what they really intended, they wouldn’t have ended the anime like they did: with Homura doubling down on the need to fight for justice in the world because it’s a world for which Madoka was willing to sacrifice herself, so it must be worth it to keep fighting. But why fight for justice when doing so is “naive”, imbalances the world, leads to further cruelty that might otherwise not happen, and is ultimately in vain? The show condemns the girls for their ideals. It also condemns them when they abandon those ideals. And it doesn’t seem to offer a third path. What is it suggesting people do?

Part of me wants to just dismiss the show as weird, wrong and overly cynical of the world. But at the same time, the show is so well-done, the events laid out so realistically. It felt honest, like this really is what would happen to these girls if this situation was real. And there’s been so many times in real life that I or others I know have been in that situation, where we’re trying to help people or make the world better, and we’re being “smart” about it, and it still blows up so bad that maybe we shouldn’t have bothered. The people we tried to help are worse off, we’re worse off. It’s clear we’re supposed to learn something from this. But what?

I have actually not seen this anime, but I have friends who had complicated feelings about it. The main thing I know about it is how brutal it is, how it totally upends the usually glittery, safe world of magical girls. It’s difficult to take it out of its context as a response to that genre; it’s critiquing whatever “power fantasy” drives most magical girl stories that don’t deal with violence, PTSD, or body horror/transformation like this series does. There are probably some cultural barriers that hit differently for audiences not already steeped in some of those narratives. I can see how the grimdark, torturous storyline feels as though it is punishing a genre that is intentionally feminine and positive, as if those stories ever claimed to be able to solve all the problems of the world. It can feel like knocking down a strawman, or using the wrong genre as a tool to talk about unrelated themes.

In writing this post, though, I came across two quotes from the head writer, Gen Urobuchi, that I think will shed light on the intention of the series. While I have not seen Puella Magi Madoka Magica, I am very familiar with Urobuchi’s other signature series, Psycho-Pass, a cyberpunk dystopian anime. Both series are meditations on power, free will, and morality.

The first quote is an interview Urobuchi gave with the publication Asahi Shimbun.

Madoka Magica is an original story. Where did the idea come from?

I received a request to write a bloody story where magical girls appear, and then drop out one by one. I paid attention to the aspects that are troubling or overlooked in the traditional magical girl genre. I’ve been thinking that magical girls who have acquired superhuman abilities will find themselves removed from the world, which would cause contradictions and reactions.

Magical girls, who are full of hope and who strive to save the people, soon suffer from hatred and jealousy, which turn them into the enemy witches. The change from good to evil left an emotional impact.

For example, Al-Qaeda brought down the Twin Towers due to their self-righteousness. Justice for some people is an evil for others. Good intentions, kindness, and hope will not necessarily make people happy. (X)

The second is a Blaise Pascal quote that Urobuchi uses in the opening scenes of Psycho-Pass.

Justice is subject to dispute. Might is easily recognized and is not disputed. So we cannot give might to justice.

Both of these are bleak. The Al-Qaeda reference probably misidentifies the issue (Al-Qaeda has never pretended to be “kind”!) and just generally doesn’t work as an analogy. But he seems to be saying that possessing power separates you from the world in an irrevocable way. The only limits on what you can do are self-imposed principles, or possibly a karmic rebalancing that always brings you down to earth again. These themes often come up in superhero stories, which can either be framed in positive, aspirational terms (“with great power comes great responsibility”) or as deconstructions (“if God is all-powerful, he cannot be all-good, and if God is all-good, he cannot be all-powerful” — Lex Luthor, quoting Hume and Epicurus, on Superman). I am very drawn to those stories on how we can do good without having perfect knowledge of what good is. When Urobuchi places these questions into a magical girl anime, he purposefully decides to uncouple the idea of “hope” and “justice” with personal happiness. In most stories, characters are rewarded for choosing to do the right thing; we assume that any selfless act naturally makes you more at peace with yourself (with good reason, I think). But Urobuchi is preoccupied with the question of how we can separate goodness from good feelings. Do we know the difference? How would separating these concepts alter our moral choices? Is personal happiness what matters, or would we still do “good” even if we were never rewarded for it? 

This paper suggests Puella Magi Madoka Magica should also be read in fairytale terms (making an ill-advised deal with a creature whose intent you can’t sense). In that case, the message is against making decisions without weighing the implications, and to make that point, it has to move these characters into an environment where there are no failsafes against their actions. Even if they think they’re doing the right thing, even if it is the right thing, that does not mean the world or the cruel people around them will reward them for it, narratively, materially, spiritually. PMMM takes magical girls seriously, coding them as soldiers in a war they believe is justified. It then uses their journey to talk about how our beliefs about our own goodness can blind us to unintended consequences. It is difficult to balance the idea of goodness against our imperfect understanding of it, but knowing a bit about Urobuchi, I think that is what he intends.

It could also be that PMMM interrogates kindness specifically because it goes unquestioned in other magical girl animes. By using magical girls as the thematic vehicle, “kindness” becomes weighted as perhaps one of the socially accepted reasons why girls in this genre might admit to wanting power. Their good intentions cloak what could be (not necessarily is) a more ambitious, selfish (or self-actualizing) desire to ensure their actions have meaning. And when you’re caught between what you say you want and what you really need deep down, that creates the necessary conditions for someone to take advantage and give you powers you don’t understand, as happens in PMMM. It’s the rush to bargain parts of themselves away that could be truly troubling. 

I think what PMMM wants to know – as other deconstructed superhero stories have – is how we can wield power without constantly questioning ourselves. Is doing kindness worth it, even knowing that cruelty will always grow too? This is something that superheroes need to have an answer for, and by the end of PMMM, one character thinks that the answer is YES. Maybe that’s foolish, but there’s something gritty and inspiring about a lone figure trying to stand against a cruel world, a world that will never give them any recognition for what they’re doing and may very well kill them. Berserk does something really similar; the main character is probably crazy, is fighting a hopeless quest, but he has devoted himself to becoming a weapon against utter chaos and meaninglessness. It costs him his humanity, in many ways, but that’s one way of creating an ubermensch, a magical girl, a folk hero. It’s as if these series press all the life out of their characters and say, “Now, NOW, you are worthy of that power and that respect, when you are no longer in the equation at all.” It’s probably based more in the still nirvana of Eastern philosophies and religion, the complete erosion of the self. Again, there’s something like … awe-inspiring about that, even if it ends in disaster for them. It commands respect because there are no alternate reasons they could be doing this anymore. They are martyrs to an ideal that doesn’t even make sense in a world where kindness and cruelty are always one-upping each other. There doesn’t seem to be a point. But the characters who stare it down and do it anyway are interesting. It makes us consider a new way of doing things ourselves, to strive to face down the world’s problems and wrestle with our own preconceptions about it. And if these hero figures give up or adjust their tactics, then that’s important too, because they humble themselves enough to recognize that some of their very good actions can be disastrous for others. Without complete omnipotence, they can never know what the downstream effects of saving one person over another will be, so a big dose of humility is something they have to have to handle the weight of those choices.

PMMM also explores this through upsetting imagery and explicit gore. Horror can be a genre that punishes deviant behavior in characters (teen sexuality often being a target for horror film serial killers), but it can also be a way of exploring motivations that seem in tension with one another. The brutality might be a way of showing the anxiety we - and maybe girls in particular - have about whether we are doing the right thing for the right reason. It might not be literally true, but we feel that we have to test it. Maybe the answer of “I want to keep helping people” even after going through such horrible violence means more than it did for this character at the beginning. The character accepts that she is not doing it for personal glory or vanity or for fun. She may get no tangible reward out of it, but she still believes it’s worth doing. It might not be pointed “punishment” the narrative is doing, but rather a generalized kind of suffering, something that strips away all possible naivete, which gives the character an almost iron will that proves they are worthy of the power. From the Urobuchi quote tying his themes to terrorism, it also seems like the series is showing a straightforward modernist skepticism against metanarratives where your values come pre-wrapped for you. There are strands of thought that see all received morality - like religion, tradition, “gut instinct” - skeptically like this, believing it always leads to blind obedience, fanaticism or selfish righteousness. I don’t agree with that necessarily, but I do find that there’s a worthwhile place for stories that try to see whether a hero or a certain type of moral system is recognizable after taking it apart and testing it intensely. It can be reaffirming once you’ve put it back together, or, if it’s more of a grim, uncomfortable narrative, it can raise questions that can help us better articulate what our non-negotiables are.

In Psycho-Pass, the characters, who are mostly police officers, are constantly forced to compromise their beliefs, and they have to navigate their roles in an oppressive, dystopian system that often seems to overwrite free will, where people are imprisoned whenever their emotions are “clouded” or heightened, which the system believes makes them more likely to commit crimes. Some of the characters come to the conclusion that the system might be “for the best,” or that it’s a necessary evil for the time being. It’s deliberately uncomfortable, but I don’t find it nihilistic. It explores the world from multiple perspectives, so there’s not one correct response that the narrative supports. Every episode basically raises an increasingly complex moral quandary for the human characters to deal with, while the central computer system that runs the country makes the final decision for them. So it asks things like, who are the victims in a world that judges your likelihood of committing a crime based on how upset you are? Is it ever a kindness to put someone out of their misery? Is murder worth it if it helps humanity regain its agency? By doing the unthinkable, are we actually allowing ourselves to think? It explores these questions by evoking and discussing famous philosophers and writers at length. The characters with the purest, most rigid morals tend to not do well in the system because they see it as grotesque and alienating, and they either wind up killed or exiled or unwillingly subsumed into it, losing parts of their identity. The most successful characters are the ones who can adapt and use cold calculus to fight the system into deadlock, or the ones who just go along to get along. In this world, “doing good” is constantly being diluted into a utilitarian calculation, and the series says so much about censorship and complicity without feeling like it’s saying there’s no point to trying to solve these problems. The fight is always an option. The characters’ sense of justice is their own, even if they cannot execute it, even if they are frustrated by their own doubts and the implacable force they’re up against. It’s a great series, and I kind of want to check out PMMM now that I know it’s the same guy. I think in general he approaches his work as someone who doesn’t have the answers. Some people won’t like narratives that just generate constant questions and seemingly offer no solution, but maybe that is better than being given the wrong answer. It wants you to fight to find the answer through experience.

I doubt Urobuchi is saying “never tweet” or “never care.” Even giving into nihilism is too didactic, too simple, for someone questioning everything. He just wants to probe things until they seem not very appealing, and then ask if you still want it. And even if we reject that as a false choice/dichotomy, it still helps us articulate that and helps us accept that our choices do have consequences we can’t always see. And to be at least humble and open about that. Very modernist. 

Anyway, you might like Psycho-Pass because it never pretends it’s going to be anything other than a grimdark cyberpunk story, so it’s less of a bait and switch. Another “dark” magical girl anime is Princess Tutu, which takes you to the brink of tragedy and allows the hope to shine all the brighter because of it. I love Princess Tutu so, so much, it’s sort of meta about the art of stories and whether life will ever be as perfect as our imagination can be, and while it can be harrowing, it’s absolutely a kind series that gives so much power and weight to emotions and stories and healing and being seen and ahhhhh. It sounds like it does much more to reconstruct itself and align with the genre’s true themes than PMMM does. And in general I prefer those kinds of stories; I think movies like The Last Jedi or Batman v. Superman did this wonderfully, but some people don’t want to be taken on that deconstructive journey in the first place, especially if they don’t know where it will land by the end, especially if it’s a genre or a world they already love because it already makes a positive case for the thing and doesn’t need to endlessly question and doubt itself. Anyway, without seeing PMMM I can only guess at what it’s attempting to do. I’d have to experience it myself to see if it’s successful or not, but I think it will almost change the viewing experience if you know going in that it’s going to do this. 

[deanstudies101]

4x18, The Monster at the End of This Book

Critical theory: Fate/destiny. Quiet rebellion. Faith. Meta. 

Discussion point/question(s): Discuss the term we’ve [I’ve] been throwing around; “trapped in the narrative.” 

Further reading:

Quiet rebellion (@some-people-call-it-tragic)

Prevalence of in-universe Sam girls (@ilarual)

Discussion: 

Kai, “I am so in love with Cas.” [I believe Iga’s words were “he deserves head for that.”] He’s not there much, he doesn’t have many lines, but when he’s there he pops off. Iga, he’s got insane tism rizz. Kai, he’s a little bit of a bitch. [Excuse me. He’s that bitch.] He’s an alpha bitch. 

[Iga is thinking.] Trying to think of something to say… but the episode is the analysis of the show. Can’t analyse it without just. Saying what happened in the episode. The writers either had a blast writing this or this was a cry for help. Screaming for help. 

“Trapped in the narrative.” Interesting to watch that happening in real time, especially after the recent discussion about destiny, and whether they have free will. So we’ve discovered that they don’t. Or, they can make choices, but it always ends in the same place. The environment was adapting itself to push them in the right direction (ie. the motel sign changing). 

[The motel name. I love that. Sam was doing that. Waving a lil red flag to draw Lilith in.] And that goes hand-in-hand with the last episode—Sam is very quick and willing to go with the narrative. He knew that if he was going to be with Lilith, there was going to be a reason, and he could try to use that. Dean tried to run. He’s scared. He’s been scared since hell, and Sam knows it, and he’s trying to protect him. It is sweet, the demon stuff is coming from a good place… but it’s not going to end well. He needs to be aware of that danger instead of repressing it, because then he’s much less likely to be drawn down the wrong path. He’s doing the demon stuff and justifying it with human reasons, but he needs to listen to both and find balance. He needs to acknowledge that demon Sam exists. 

Kai, every episode this season has been so fun. [It’s like I said. This season is banger after banger. Even the ‘weak’ episodes are still good. It is thee season. You meet thee gay angel.] And he is so sassy. [And this season changes the show forever. For better or for worse (both).] Kai, industrial action saved this show. Iga, it’s interesting to me that this is season 4, and we’ve got themes like the apocalypse and being trapped in the narrative. These are such strong and interesting themes. Compared to 1) where’s dad 2) what is evil / is Sam evil 3) fate. But now it’s bigger, it’s no subtext, they’re talking about it—they are trapped in the narrative. We kind of have free will, but do we? But it’s season 4 out of 15. Kai, yeah, these are showstopping themes [as in, these should be saved for the last season.] Iga, I’m nervous. Kai, well, the finale season theme is homophobia. Iga, this is an amazing show, and I’m confused why people say it’s trash… and then I remember there are 11 seasons left. [So I will say again. 4-5 are art. And I love 1-3. In terms of quality there is a dip after this, but. The seasons where there is a dip have their own merit, in a certain way. To me.] Iga, that’s okay, I’m excited to watch the fake show in my head. For the—I don’t want to say delusion to kick in, but for the second secret show. [Yeah, I love the second secret show. And I will say, when I watched this for the first time I did truly love 1-8 equally (that’s all that was out at the time). Season 6 admittedly stumbles, but that’s just because the end of season 5 would have been a great end to the show, and they weren’t really sure what they were doing. Season 6 stumbles, season 7 falls on it’s face, season 8 gets back up again, and season 9… they start wondering if they should’ve stayed on the floor. (this is all affectionate).] 

Re: Sam-girls. It makes sense—Sam was supposed to be the main character. Sam can’t be held back by Jared’s acting in the books. They’re barely meeting Dean, let alone getting an insight into his psyche. Dean was originally written as a douchebag, and Jensen brought him to life and gave him depth… so of course that’s not in the books. 

Notes: Kai, “These are showstopping themes.” [We’ll revisit.] 

[cookinguptales]

I’m sorry, but it seems outrageous that you would contact a podcaster about accessibility at their show before contacting the venue and feel hurt when they redirected you to contact the venue. From their perspective, they’re probably doing a lot of shows in a lot of places, and they’re experts in podcasting and putting on shows, not on the accessibility of every venue they perform in. If the venue isn’t communicative or is inaccessible, it’s understandable that you’d be frustrated with the podcasters for not considering that before booking the venue, but anyone could’ve told you that contacting the podcasters first was the wrong order to do things.

Yeah, I figured I'd start getting these as soon as the post hit over a thousand notes.

Welp. *rolls up sleeves*

I think it must be very nice to just be an expert in your chosen field. To not have to worry about whether you can physically walk into a building whenever you go some place, especially for work. It's not something that I've ever experienced, but I think it sounds nice.

Personally, when I book venues for my job, that's a question I have to ask, both because I am disabled and because my boss is. And so are many of her fans.

I wonder how you think disabled podcasters book shows, or disabled comedians, or disabled musicians. Do you think that it's impossible to ask about basic accessibility options before you book venues? Do you think that might be an important question to ask if, in your podcast, you explicitly say you support disabled people and treasure your diverse fans? Do you think that might be a question that might be asked along with things like stage size, auditorium capacity, and sound system? Because, like all those things, it is a basic concern when it comes to putting on a show?

I am not upset that the venue is accessible or not. Hell, I still don't know if the venue is accessible or not, though I suspect it probably is. I am upset that they did not ask. I am upset that when they were asked a question that might confront this privilege, they continued not to care about the answer to this question.

I never expect able-bodied people to be experts. I expect them to ask questions and consider the answers before they call themselves friends or allies. I am tired of people saying they shouldn't have to be experts in accessibility to put in any effort whatsoever. And frankly, I resent the idea that the onus should always be on disabled people to find a way to exist in public.

The entire point of my post is that they should know what kind of place they're performing in. And, if they realize that they do not know the answer of a fundamental question that would make their show accessible to all fans, they should damn well ask. Shifting that responsibility onto others shows me that it never mattered much to them in the first place.

You're acting like I've never planned an event or spoken to a venue in my life, and frankly, that's condescending. This whole ask is condescending. I'm tired and my blood pressure is low and I'm cranky and I'm tired of people like you showing up in my inbox to treat me like I'm a goddamn idiot for expecting able-bodied professionals to give a shit about accessibility before I ask them to.

You know, I don't usually make a big fuss about the ADA and the legal requirements that small businesses have to adhere to when offering services. This is not because I want to be a nice, accommodating cripple. It's because I'm fucking exhausted. If I made a fuss every time I encountered an ADA violation, I'd be comatose. There are like three of them on my fucking block.

But if you're a business, and make no mistake, we are now speaking about business matters, you had damn well better know if you're even in violation. Christ. These aren't infants, they're grown-ass adults taking money for their work and advertising themselves as inclusive.

I know exactly what their perspective was. I know it because I have encountered it every day of my goddamn life. I know that it wasn't a concern they thought was important while booking because I'm sure it's not a thing they regularly have to think about. I know that they think it's the venue's job or the customer's job or the government's job to make sure that places are accessible. I know they thought it should not have to be one of their many logistical concerns while planning this tour. They just wanted to be podcasters.

I would like to be just a lot of things.

Well, what I'm telling you is that's a privilege and it's apparently an unexamined one. Someone doesn't have to be kicking my cane out from under me to be engaging in (and benefiting from) systems that oppress me. And while I don't expect people to know these things immediately, it says an awful lot about a person what they say when they're confronted with them.

And they said "this isn't our concern."

So uh. Their show isn't my concern. And frankly, your pearl-clutching isn't, either. I'm tired of exhausting myself so able-bodied people don't have to, and I'm tired of treating your perspective like it doesn't piss me off.

Get fucked, anon. I have friends to attend to.

[violivs]

NMTDaily: BIRDS

- There he is, folks. My favorite fictional character ever. In his first solo episode. I cannot be held responsible for the level of fangirling that must now commence.

- I mean, I was a lonely teenage girl watching this show in 2014, and he was a cute, nerdy, dark-haired guy with an accent. It was a foregone conclusion, shallow though it might sound. There was no way I was watching this show and not loving Benedick. Including when he’s being cringy and over the top. And then we peel back the layers and see that “having a new friend every week” just means Ben is ALSO desperately lonely and self-conscious? I was toast. It was so over for me, from day one.

- I love that his header image is just a piece of paper with The Ben Show written in messy Sharpie and he’s still acting like he’s presenting the most exciting show ever. The confidence! His icon image being him kissing his reflection and the username “benaddicktion” are also strokes of genius. The cocky, overconfident characterization is so strong just based on those choices. Truly a teenage version of the character from the play.

- We must note the heinous laser cat t-shirt and how Ben is matching Beatrice with her Grumpy Cat t-shirt in recent videos. Love it. Another parallel- they both have extensive collections of nerdy and random t-shirts. AND they’re both cat people!

- Set dressing: Ben has a horse lamp for some reason, which reminds me of “Hero, it’s Darcy on a horse!” Beatrice, meet your very own personal Darcy. He’s just, you know, a lot less shy and buttoned-up than actual Darcy.

- He also has several sports trophies on his desk there, I like that he’s accomplished. Proud of you Ben! A good soldier becomes a good football player, modern adaptation choices! (I can practically hear Beatrice snickering about them just being participation trophies though lol)

- The trophies do remind me of another question: why does Ben never try out for sports at university in Lolilo? He can go intramural just for fun, he doesn’t have to be on a scholarship or trying to go pro. Maybe anxiety??? Maybe he just wasn’t feeling it anymore, or maybe he did try and didn’t make whatever team? *adds to social anxiety headcanon evidence list*

- I always wanted to know what book was on Ben’s bed, and someone in the comments has come through for me! It’s Children of Huron by Tolkien even though that cover art looks like it should be literary historical fiction about a tragic married couple who are lighthouse keepers. Which is also a valid literary genre!

- He also has Game of Thrones books, another connection to Beatrice and her interests. You know they must argue about whether the books or show are better at least once offscreen.

- He also has a little rubber duck dressed like Shakespeare (thank you again comment section for your eagle eyes), which has catapulted me back in time to one of the NMTD fandom’s finest early crack!posts: the Beneduck. Born of an unholy typo made by yours truly these many years ago. (I only made the typo, though, not the edit. Credits for that at the link lol. Miss you both, hope you’re well.❤️ ) You’re welcome. 😂

- “A story about birds”- this reminds me, Ben doesn’t seem as upset about all the bird killings as someone who loves birds would be, so does that mean him loving birds wasn’t set in stone yet? I sometimes wonder if I’m misremembering Ben liking birds because Jake likes birds. But the flamingos are canon so I guess it is canon.

- “easily the best driver in Messina High School, no matter what Beatrice says” Oh, Ben is absolutely only making a video about this topic because he and Bea had another argument about this recently. He’d be like, “I’m an excellent driver” and she’d say, “oh yeah, how many living things have you killed” and that’s the true “how many hath he killed in these wars” moment!

- This video is, of course, intentionally, very cringe. But Ben is so damn good at making it likable. Honest props to Jake, the comments in this video are all loving Ben already because he makes him so likable and fun to watch make a fool of himself.

- Not even 45 seconds into Ben’s first video and he’s already mentioned Beatrice TWICE. Speaking of it’s so over- he was literally always obsessed with her. It’s adorable.

- “obviously he’s quite nervous- but it’s all good! He knows he can do this ‘cause he’s great.” Oh my GOD there it is! There it all is! His entire character. Ben gets so nervous- anxious- and he gets through life by ignoring that feeling and having a big head. Because if he keeps telling himself he’s wonderful and perfect and confident, then he can make himself believe that’s true long enough to get through the scary thing. I love him.

- The fact that Ben definitely scripted this and hunted down all these props ahead of time though. The water gun for the rainstorm! It’s so cute and earnest of him. It reminds me a little of Lizzie Bennet-style costume theater, but it’s puppet theater instead. Good thing, too, because some of these stories sound like they were extremely visceral and gory in real life 😬

- “Bird death rua” Ben knowing a little Te Reo Māori reminds me of another backstory question: how long has Ben lived in A/NZ at this point? He’s lived in Auckland since he was 13, because that’s when he met Peter/Pedro, the year leading up to the summer he was 14 and met Bea. But did he live in another part of A/NZ before that for a while? Or did he come from the UK at 13? I just feel like the timeline is important for the “has a new best friend every week” thing, and actually it could make sense if they lived in the UK for his early years (he didn’t know the reference to an A/NZ little kids’ tv show the flatmates made in Lolilo because he was too old when he moved there to have ever seen it), but then also maybe bounced around different parts of A/NZ for a while before settling in Auckland- he was always the New Kid and that’s why he comes on so strong in friendships and never believes they’ll last. But it’s also very cute if Peter and Beatrice are his actual first friends he makes in A/NZ right after moving countries. I don’t know.

- Extremely funny to me that Ben is a Taylor Swift fan since the moment we meet him. The artist who is stereotyped for only writing about Ben’s supposed least favorite thing, romantic relationships. It’s not even like he gets into her music while he’s coming to terms with his feelings for Bea, no, he’s already singing I Knew You Were Trouble back when he says he hates relationships and romance. Actually, goddamn, that’s a good song choice for him right now, when he sees Bea as the ex-best friend who broke his heart. She’s the one he knew was trouble when she walked in! She’s the one who puts him down!

- Now I am admittedly not a pet person, but it seems unusual for a teenager to be taking the cat to the vet by himself. He doesn’t hold the pet insurance policy, right? So this is the first moment that shows Ben is actually really independent and mature on some levels (foreshadowing), and that his parents are very hands-off. That’s partly because of the “parents must be absent so the kid can have a plotline fully unencumbered by rules and adult interference” trope. But I also always interpreted Ben’s parents as loving but emotionally neglectful. And that also contributes to his anxiety, loneliness, and wild self-esteem fluctuations. (It suddenly occurs to me that this interpretation of it being unusual for a teen to be able to take a cat to the vet by himself might be colored by the fact that I had severe social anxiety as a teen, so I literally could not have gone up to a person working a desk and asked for what I needed in most contexts. If it’s normal for a teen to take a cat to the vet alone, then never mind. But I still hold these headcanons.)

- He dedicated the video to Hero and Bea! Oh he was definitely so nervous and hyperaware that Bea was on the sidelines that whole game and he doesn’t know why it genuinely made him happy that she was there. He’s being sarcastic here, but still! Cute.

- As mentioned in one of my other NMTDaily posts, Ursula helped edit this video and Ben thanks her in the description, and I love that for them. Ursula is probably relieved that Bea hates the video too much to bother reading the description, or she would be mad at Ursula for being friends with him.

- I still can’t watch this video without thinking of the song “Live in Living Color” from the musical Catch Me If You Can. Really, it’s literally the perfect MT song to represent this video. I should find and reblog my old NMTD as a musical fanmix just for fun.

- You see? A big long analytical post about a video in which my cringy dorkass boy pretends to gnaw a bird-shaped oven mitt to death. I can’t even help myself.

- I am so behind on these but i promise I’ll catch up!

💖🦩🥭