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triptuckers · 3 years ago

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Two Homes (part 3/7) - Nikolai Lantsov

Request: nope Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader Summary: you’ve successfully escaped the ball room, but you run into someone you had been trying to avoid when you’re in the gardens Warnings: lil angst, mentions of gunshots and blood Word count: 2K A/N: hehe he is here !! finally lol enjoy reading! PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (two homes and/or all grishaverse fics): @godsofwriting @im-constantly-fangirling @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15 @dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey (if your name is in bold it means I couldn’t tag you) add yourself to my tag lists here

You can faintly hear the music in the ball room. But the closer you get to the gardens, the more you have to concentrate to be able to hear the music. You can’t help but to smile to yourself. You made it out of the ball room.

All you had to do was wait until the ball was over and you would be on your way back to Ketterdam. Your father would probably be furious at you. But it was about time he learned he couldn’t continue to control your life.

As you’re walking through the gardens, the many different flowers take your breath away. You didn’t have a ball room like the one you just left in Ketterdam. You also certainly didn’t have a garden like this.

You walk the paths, amazed by the plants around you. You had never seen something like this before. If King Nikolai would have invited you to this garden instead of a ball, you might have seriously considered accepting his invitation.

Time passes as you admire the extraordinary flowers surrounding you. The palace has long since vanished from your eyesight, and the sun is almost gone. You can see some stars in the sky already.

Even though you didn’t want to come here, even though you spent the entire journey getting here wishing for Ketterdam, you couldn’t deny you’d be upset if you had missed out on the beautiful gardens.

You wonder if the ball has already ended, and want to make your way back to the palace, when you see a silhouette in the distance. Did someone else escape the ball to go to the gardens? Or worse; did someone follow you when you leapt from the balcony?

Though you’re in the gardens near a palace and not in the streets of Ketterdam, you’re still on edge by a stranger’s presence. You stop walking and listen closely to their movements, ready to strike should they attack you.

You watch from a distance as they walk closer. Hands behind their back, slowly walking through the garden. You notice the way their shoulders slump a little. Tired of the dancing maybe? Or trying to deceive you?

When they walk closer, and the last bit of sunshine falls on their face, you see blonde hair and a pair of hazel eyes.

A look of surprise finds its way onto his face when he spots you.

‘Well, hello.’ he says, sounding genuinely surprised to see another person in the gardens. ‘I believe we haven’t met?’

You shake your head. ‘No, we haven’t.’ you say.

He looks up and down your dress, sending goosebumps along your bare arms. You couldn’t deny he was indeed as handsome as described in the stories.

‘I’d say you fled the ball.’ he says. ‘I’m Nikolai, I don’t think you were introduced before the ball started.’

You notice how he introduces himself as Nikolai, and not as the king.

‘I didn’t flee.’ you say. ‘And no, I wasn’t introduced.’

‘Oh, that wasn’t a question.’ says Nikolai. ‘Merely a statement. I’d remember a dress and a face like that.’

Your lips slightly part in surprise. ‘Do you flirt with every woman you meet tonight?’ you ask.

‘Do you flee from every ball you attend?’ he says without missing a beat, making you chuckle.

‘This is the first ball I’ve ever been to.’ you admit.

‘Apparently it’s not a very good one, given that you left before it even started.’ he says.

‘It’s not about wether or not it’s a good ball.’ you say. ‘I just didn’t want to be in Ravka.’

‘But you are here.’ he points out.

‘Because my father basically dragged me here.’ you say, crossing your arms.

‘Your father, is he a Kerch merchant? There was one who didn’t introduce his daughter because she wasn’t there. So, that would mean you’re Y/F/N /Y/L/N, right?’ says Nikolai.

‘You’re good.’ you say.

‘I’m good at a number of things.’ he says with a wink.

‘Clearly.’ you say.

Nikolai smiles and holds out his arm to you. ‘Do you want to go for a walk?’ he says.

You look at him extending his arm to you, smile on his lips and a twinkling in his eyes. You were dying to know why he had left the ball as well, and you actually didn’t mind the company. It made you curious and eager to find out if the stories you had heard about him are true.

So you nod with a smile, and lay a hand on his arm.

‘I’ll take you to my favorite spot in the gardens.’ he says, steering the two of you onto one of the paths.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ you say.

‘Of course.’ says Nikolai.

‘Why did you leave the ball?’ you say.

Nikolai looks at you and smiles. ‘Because even though I’m an excellent dancer, I also need breaks.’ he says. ‘I needed some fresh air.’

‘Are you really good at dancing or are you trying to impress me?’ you say.

‘Take your pick.’ he says.

For someone who didn’t want to be here and who had no intention of meeting the king, you found yourself starting to like him. He’s easy to talk to, and seems genuinely interested in you. And he’s not offended to find you in the gardens instead of the ball room.

‘Was it your idea to throw this ball to pick a bride?’ you say as you walk past a plant with particularly large orange flowers.

Nikolai sighs softly. ‘No.’ he says. ‘It was a decision made by Zoya and Genya, two of my triumvirate.’

‘Because they wanted you to marry?’ you say.

‘Because they wanted me to form an alliance and because I couldn’t establish one through politics, they thought I should try getting one through marriage.’ he says.

You look at him, trying to read his face. ‘But you don’t want that.’ you say.

Nikolai looks at you and raises an eyebrow. ‘I personally don’t want to marry someone I don’t know for the sake of an alliance. But it’s what’s best for Ravka. And I like to put Ravka’s needs first.’ he says.

‘Spoken like a true king.’ you say.

‘Well, I try to be a good one.’ he says as the two of you sit down on a bench.

‘From the stories I heard, you are.’ you say.

‘Really?’ says Nikolai. ‘Fancy telling me one of them?’

You laugh and shake your head. ‘I’m sure you’ve already heard them.’ you say.

‘What would it take for you to tell me one of those stories?’ says Nikolai.

You shrug. ‘A ticket to Ketterdam?’ you say.

He frowns. ‘You really want to go back that badly?’ he says.

‘No offence, but yes. I’ve been wanting to go back ever since the ship sailed away. Don’t take it personal, but I never had any intention of going to Os Alta in the first place.’ you say.

‘I understand.’ he says.

You look at him, confused. ‘You do?’

‘What, you think people haven’t made decisions for me my entire life?’ he says. ‘I know what it’s like not being able to make your own choices. I do appreciate you actually coming, though. You’re the first person I've talked to tonight who doesn’t throw themselves at me before I can even say hello.’

You laugh at his words. ‘Sorry for not throwing myself at you. Though I’m sure you’re used to it by now.’ you say.

Nikolai laughs as well. ‘Don’t apologise, it’s refreshing.’ he says.

The two of you are silent as you look at the plants that surround you. It’s rather peaceful, being away from the buzzing ball room and just sitting on a bench to have a conversation.

‘Why is this your favourite part or the gardens?’ you ask him after a while.

In response, Nikolai points to a bush of bright yellow flowers. ‘Those are my favourites.’ he says. ‘Native to Novyi Zem, but Grisha can make sure they can grow here as well. They bloom for very short periods of time, mostly it’s just one week during summer. That’s why the Zemeni call them Summer’s Week. They’ve always been my favourite flowers. I always visit this spot during each summer, to see them bloom.’ he explains.

‘They’re beautiful.’ you say. ‘Such a shame we don’t have gardens like this in Ketterdam. I would have loved to spend more time here.’

‘I’d invite you to stay, but that would mean I'd have to propose and you made it very clear you want to go back to Ketterdam.’ says Nikolai.

He gets up and walks over to the bush with the yellow flowers. You watch as he carefully picks one and walks back to you. He smiles as he hands it to you.

‘You can have one.’ he says. ‘If it still looks good when you get to Ketterdam, you can dry it, keep it between the pages of a book or something.’ he says.

You smile as you take the flower from him. ‘Thank you.’ you say.

Nikolai looks back in the direction of the palace, though you can’t see it from here.

‘I should go back.’ he says. ‘They’re probably wondering where I am, and I’d rather not have Zoya organise a search party.’

‘She’d do that?’ you say.

‘You have no idea what she’s capable of.’ says Nikolai, offering you his arm once more. You accept it and rise to your feet.

As you start to walk back to the palace, Nikolai looks at you and smiles when he catches your eye.

‘This has been nice.’ he says.

‘The gardens?’ you say.

‘I can visit the gardens any time I like. No, talking with you. You allow me to be Nikolai. Everyone in that ball room only thinks of me as a king. They only think of themselves as future queens.’ he says.

‘But they are potential queens.’ you say. Nikolai looks at you and you remember his words. ‘Right.’ you say. ‘For Ravka.’

You see the palace appear in the distance, and by the looks of it the ball is still in full swing. You sigh softly, not looking forward to reuniting with your father and having him yell at you.

‘Well, here we are.’ says Nikolai, stopping in front of the palace. He motions to your left. ‘The doors are that way.’ he says. ‘And even though there are no gardens over there, we do have a lake which is also very nice.’ he says while motioning to your right.

You let go of his arm and frown. ‘You don’t want me to return to the ball?’ you say.

Nikolai merely shrugs. ‘Why would I? You don’t want to go there, and I’m not your king so technically, you don’t have to do anything I say.’ he says.

‘You really are an extraordinary king.’ you say, making him smile. ‘I see why your people love you so much.’

‘Hearing anyone say that means a lot to me.’ says Nikolai. He moves to stand in front of you. ‘Are you sure I can’t convince you to come and have one dance with me?’ he says.

You smile. ‘I think I’ll check out the lake.’ you say.

‘Alright then.’ says Nikolai, walking away toward the doors. ‘But watch out for the sea monster, though.’ he adds.

Your eyes widen. ‘You have a sea monster in your lake?’ you say.

But you never found out the answer. Before Nikolai can say anything, you hear a sound you know all tho well. How could you not recognise it after living in Ketterdam for years?

Gunshots. Two of them.

You watch as Nikolai falls to the floor, blood soaking his shoulder and stomach.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

#he is here !!!#nikolai lantsov #shadow and bone #grishaverse #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov fanfics #nikolai lantsov fic #nikolai lantsov fics #shadow and bone fanfiction #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone fanfics #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fics #two homes series

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obeiii-mee · 4 years ago

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Hi! Im new to your page and i love your writing 💕 i have a request for demon brothers headcanons on how they treat MC after realizing they get anxiety from things like yelling/loud abrupt noises/ things like that? For example, they flinch, get quiet, or start fidgeting? Thank you!!!

Aww, thank you so much. That means a lot to me and I’m really glad you like my writing considering I have such a chaotic style lmao. Also, welcome to this mess of a blog. We give off ‘cult’ vibes but at least we have hot, fictional demons to make up for that.This was super sweet because I know for a fact every single one of them would be very understanding of MC’s anxiety of anything.

Enjoy!

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The Brothers with an MC that gets anxiety from loud/abrupt noises:

Lucifer:

-He may not get anxiety from it, but Lucifer definitely prefers a quiet atmosphere/environment where he can focus on his work

-Which makes living with his brothers a living nightmare because they don’t have the capability to shut the fuck up

-That being said, he catches on rather quickly that you do not feel comfortable around loud noises in general

-There’s a limit to what he can do but every time you feel like you need a bit of peace and quiet, know that you are more than welcomed into his office at any time of the day. Even if he isn’t there

-He definitely prioritises your mental as well as your physical well being seeing as living with demons can have a massive effect on your sanity

-He’s not judgemental about it either because, while he doesn’t understand why loud noises may cause you to be so anxious, he understands that humans are built differently to demons

-Lucifer has no chill at times and will tell all of his brothers off every time they make a big scene, whether in public or private

-He can be a tad overprotective at times but he means really well, especially if he sees you’ve gotten oddly silent for the past few minutes or has caught wind of you fidgeting during dinner

-I don’t know how much I stressed so far about the observation skills this man has but I will keep doing, he can spot you flinching at loud noises from a mile away

Mammon:

-I believe that he can read people really well and can recognise when a person is feeling a certain way

-But he’s still a complete dumbass so he might still miss a few clues hidden in your mannerisms

-Like, he realises you’re uncomfortable but he doesn’t understand the degree of it or why it exists

-You’ll have to be blunt about it and tell him about your deal with loud noises because otherwise he will be stressing about it for weeks on end

-Dating him as a result of your anxiety over loud noises can prove to be...difficult

-He’s a very boisterous and obnoxious being, everytime a particular emotion of his flares up, he gets significantly noisier

-Whenever he enters the room you happen to be in, you’re forced to cover your ears and flinch because he has a way of announcing his presence

-But he tries so incredibly hard to act calmer around you and he so hates it when he fails to do so because he knows how uncomfortable you get as a result of him screaming like an idiot

-His brothers usually blame him when you start fidgeting because they assume he’s the cause of your rising anxiety and he started to believe it as well

-He sees that look on your face and he is just gutted

-He is ready to get on his knees and start apologising profusely until you forgive him for being such a noisy bastard

-The times other things/people are the cause of you going weirdly quiet, he will use his threatening tactics

-“Listen ‘ere, you’re makin’ my human uncomfortable so if you don’t shut the fuck up, I won’t let you see the light of day again. Do ya hear me?!?!”

-He says to the godfather clock when the sound of it striking midnight startled you

Levi:

-He 100% understands

-He hates loud noises as well and they usually make him scamper back to his room lol a rat in hiding

-Levi is slightly more immune to them however seeing as his brothers do have a habit of raising their voices all the time

-But do not worry, human, for he will protect his Henry from the annoying sounds people in general make at the cost of his life

-Take shelter in his room, please

-He loves having you in there and usually you only have the noise of video games in the background

-If you’re there and an anime he’s watching is getting too loud, he will turn it down for you ahead of time

-Sometimes, he can be as noisy as his brothers, especially when he rages at one of his games

-Bu he’s so quick to shut up once he realises you’re there

-And then, like Mammon, would start apologising for being not only an ugly otaku but an obnoxious one at that

-So y’all end up comforting and cuddling each other because.....uh....mutual hatred for loud things?

-Also, he would decapitate his brothers for you if they crossed a line (like he’s not really a Yandere but he’s a demon with demonic instincts to protect I guess)

Satan:

-Much like his father eldest brother, Satan also prefers silence in general

-After all, it’s a lot easier to read when his brothers aren’t there to muck about the place and make too much noise

-Humans are very different to demons, especially psychologically speaking and he understand that

-That’s why he doesn’t question it when you follow him into the library to seek refugee from his siblings

-If anything, he’s rather happy he gets to spend some time with you so the two of you sit in silence, each of you doing your own separate thing

-He knows if something is bothering you again, he can probably notice you suddenly start fidgeting in public

-He’s very cautious with you when you are in this state as he deems you are at your most vulnerable

-One time, a teacher at RAD raised his voice too high while scolding you for not paying attention and that earned an involuntary flinch from you

-That guy was officially on Satan’s shit list from then on, just so ya know

-Overall, he’s very sweet and patient with you and absolutely does not mind spending an entire day with you indoors away from loud noises

Asmo:

-He has no problem with loud noises whatsoever

-If anything, he loves being in crowded public places like The Fall, since partying and socialising is one of his many talents

-Not to mention, he’s so used to own family being so loud it just doesn’t affect him that much

-However, when you first arrived and he noticed just how badly you reacted to loud noises, he started avoiding things like clubbing as if it were the plague every time he hanged out with you

-Asmo needs social contact but he is more than willing to spend time indoors with you if it makes you feel better

-Or going out shopping in a relatively quiet shopping centre

-I mean, getting his nails done with you by his side sounds absolutely amazing to him

-So as much as he loves making noises and spending time in rowdy places, he’s always going to make an exception with you

-Always

Beel:

-Beel is unbothered by noise

-Sure, he does like it better when his brothers aren’t fighting and things are peaceful around the house

-But, he’s not fazed by yelling, loud music, heavy things falling and thudding against the ground etc.

-He picks up on your anxiety riddled gestures the first time Lucifer has a go at his brothers in front of you

-Because you started fidgeting like crazy and in that moment he was the only one that saw it

-So Beel grabbed your hand and led you outside of the room and Lucifer was so caught up in the moment he didn’t even realise it

-Probably, maybe he just let it go

-Basically, Beel decides that he shall protect you, the tiny human in comparison with him, from any loud noises that might startle you

-He will do it, do not test him

-One time, Mammon was screaming because he was chased by the witches and it made you flinch enough for Beel to see

-A couple hours later, Mammon disappears completely and shows up at your door, looking absolutely traumatised but genuinely apologetic and says sorry

-Sometimes people forget Beel is a demon

Belphie:

-I’m gonna make a wild assumption and presume that if you are vulnerable to loud noises, you are very likely a light sleeper

-If that is the case, (apologies if you’re not) then Belphie would be very quick to notice because a lot of shit goes down at night time and most of the time, it’s loud

-Belphie doesn’t have a problem with it, he can sleep through anything, even his brothers and especially Lucifer

-But he definitely notices if you aren’t cuddled up to him any more, even if he was asleep, because you sat up in bed suddenly at a random noise at 3am

-Note: That was Asmo sneaking back into the house trying to be as quite as possible but tripping and breaking a window

-“You’ll have to get used to that. My brothers are idiots, they don’t know when to be silent.”

-He prefers quiet places like the attic so he can actually sleep, but again, could do so either way so it doesn’t matter to him

-But he is going to be...let’s say ...upset.... if you were to wake up from a nap session because of someone something

-“Make one more sound and I’ll rip your tongue out.”

-Even when you aren’t napping, he gets very angry when people get unnecessarily loud, especially with you reaction

-But that just gives him an opportunity to bring you to the attic or something so the two of you can actually chill by yourselves for a chance

-Beel is invited obviously, but Belphie is just as happy to be left by himself with you

-Ironic how much his feelings for you have changed, huh?

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So I really finished this by the end of the week. Hope this is actually some good because I spent all of my brain cells on an another giant request I’m working and the rest were used to write this. Thank you for sending me requests though guys! Now every time I get bored I can just answer your asks. Have a nice Monday!

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #MC being anxious around loud noises #🌸 comfort #☂️ demon brothers #⭐️ requests

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leupagus · 4 years ago

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On being a boss

Piggybacking off my earlier comment about how politicians are employees; I don’t think enough people realize that that means we are their bosses. And while I know many folks who are reading this have never thought of themselves has being in a position of authority over anyone, the minute you become an eligible voter, that’s literally what you are. There are different names for it—voter, constituent, stakeholder—but it all means the same thing. You’re a boss, baby.

And that means you need to be an effective boss.

Think about how authority figures in your life have influenced you, either well or badly. Did the PTA meeting between your parents and your teachers always fill you with dread? That’s how politicians feel about polls. Do you hate getting summoned into a boss’s office to get reamed over something you did wrong? That’s how politicians feel about town halls. Did you get absolutely devastated over losing a job or not getting a job you really wanted? That’s how politicians feel when they get beaten in elections.

I’m not saying this to encourage you to have empathy for politicians—although honestly maybe remembering that they’re human beings once in a while wouldn’t kill some of you—but rather to show you how to be effective at getting your employee to do what you want.

Now, obviously there are some big differences in terms of scale; you are, please remember, not this politician’s only boss and almost certainly not their most influential. And politicians also listen to people who aren’t their bosses, like their donors or their family or their friends or their party leaders or the companies they came from pre-political career or the ones they want to join post-political career (they call it the revolving door for a reason). Those people aren’t their bosses, but they have pull all the same. So there’s that.

But even though the scale is different, all of us, no matter how young (including the 12-year-old who’s stumbled on this post) have had to deal with the pressures of multiple authority figures wanting us to do completely different things RIGHT NOW. So think back on those situations and consider what choices you made in those moments. Whose “orders” did you follow: was it the boss who would be most upset if you disappointed them, was it the boss who would retaliate the most harshly if you crossed them, was it the boss who would reward you if you pleased them, was it the boss who wanted you to do something that you yourself already wanted to do/planned to do anyway?

That’s not a trick question, I promise; chances are that your answer changes based on a shitton of variables. And because politicians are human beings, they also have different answers to that question. Sometimes they go with the people who gave them the most money in the last election (although that happens less often than you think, and way less often the more powerful a politician gets, for obvious reasons). Sometimes they go with the people who agree with them. Sometimes they go with the people who voted for them. Sometimes they even go with what they sincerely believe is right (anybody rolling their eyes at this wasn’t paying attention during the political massacre that took place after Dems rammed through the ACA in 2009; there are a dozen or so people whose political careers ended because they voted for it).

So as your politician’s boss, you have to figure out what tactic is most effective to get your employee to do what you want, because as nice as it sounds, you can’t just fire them every time they piss you off. So think about a politician whose mind you want to change—your Congressman doesn’t want to support climate legislation, let’s say. Look at her record and her interviews and past elections: what’s influenced her over the years and what’s changed her mind. Then you know where the pressure points are.

Of course you, by yourself, can’t make your politicians do whatever you want every time; not even whatever boogeyman people conjure up like the Koch brothers or Bill Gates or George Soros can do that (and believe me, a lot of them have tried). But, you do have more power than you think: you can attend a town hall and confront your wayward politician, you can volunteer for promising opponents, you can call her office and find out if her staff take in-person meetings (less common these days but my mayor does do zoom calls, lol). You can even run for something yourself; it’s really not as stupid as it sounds, especially if you’re not the only one in the field, because more people running is always a good thing. These are all time-consuming and energy-consuming options, and I know we’re all exhausted. But we’re also bosses, and we’ve got to do what we can to ensure our employees do the best job they can.

Besides, politicians change their minds based on their voters’ influence all the time—Bernie Sanders, for example, is a principled opponent of the US’s foreign policy and believes we should withdraw from the “forever wars” that we’ve been embroiled in for decades. But he also championed the construction of the... uh, not-exactly-practical F-35 fighter jet, which over the years has cost almost as much as the entire COVID relief bill that just passed. Sanders didn’t support it because he’s a hypocrite or a warmonger in disguise; he supported it because it brought crucial, desperately-needed jobs to Vermont, and he genuinely cares about his constituents. Sanders has also credited the influence of his constituents on his championing of queer rights and gay marriage, before most other politicians were sticking their necks out in support, because the people who spoke with him changed his mind. And while you can argue that Sanders is unique amongst politicians, he really isn’t; Biden himself came out in support of gay marriage just a couple years afterward—in an election year, no less, and I remember the absolute panic that set in about whether or not his radical notions would cost Obama reelection. (It’s weird thinking that it’s been a little under six years since Obergefell, isn’t it???)

Every day we’re seeing politicians getting pushed one way or another by their voters; the mayor of Austin had to go to court to defend his city’s mask mandate, for example, and Florida cities are fighting to keep their own mandates going despite their shitty governor doing everything he can to undermine them. (There are other examples but it’s Saturday morning, what do you want from me.) They can be pushed, and they should be.

To write politicians off as evil monsters who are doing a bad job because they’re just amoral is to ignore your job as their boss; if you want your employee to work for you, you’ve got to figure out why they aren’t (or if they aren’t, which: I could go into that whole thing but this is already longer than my dick). And then you can decide whether to push your influence, which you do in fact have, to either change them or replace them. It’s up to you. Go be a boss, baby.

#the performative helplessness of social media doesn't accomplish anything #yes we all know you hate Ted Cruz or Kamala Harris or whoever #and think they just sit around cackling at their own evilness #but you don't have to just put up with it!#stop telling yourself that it doesn't matter they're all the same everything's hopeless it's never gonna change #because it's only true when you believe it #do you know how often stacey abrams goes on tumblr and complains that Brian Kemp sucks?#ZERO #and a) I know she's got a tumblr account-anyone who's written as many romance novels as she has does #and b) HE CHEATED IN ORDER TO BEAT HER IN AN ELECTION #what did she do? she fucking flipped Georgia #not to say 'if Stacey Abrams can do it so can you' because Stacey Abrams is an absolutely brilliant politician #but you can be brilliant too #I believe in you #...#how many people are gonna read this whole thing and come away with 'wait Stacey Abrams writes romance novels???'#YEAH SHE DOES #anyway #politics!

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elpercotreviews · 3 years ago

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My Anime 9/10′s

With probably no spoilers cuz I don’t wanna talk too long about them zzz.

1. Fullmetal Alchemist

YALL ALREADY KNOW THIS A 9/10. The only real reason this show is not a 10/10 is because it’s just a story that I’d never rewatch. There’s like 70 episodes, which is way too long for my short attention span, especially since I’ve seen it already. But yeah, by all accounts, this story is a masterpiece and is one of the only “shounen” anime’s that I genuinely enjoyed. No random sexualization. No dumb filler. All the characters have an actual purpose and role in the plot and everyone has their own morals and ideals that interact to make the story interesting. I couldn’t bring myself to really hate anyone, even the villains, because everyone was pretty well written. Also super satisfying ending that ties up everything properly without leaving me confused or upset. If you only watch a few anime in your life, Fullmetal Alchemist is pretty much a MUST WATCH to see a beautiful example of a modern classic anime as an artform. Also I should say that I really don’t like Hunter x Hunter (AN EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BTW) but I love Fullmetal Alchemist so take from that what you will.

2. Parasyte: The Maxim

Same kinda shit where you already know this a 9/10 for me. It’s just a very satisfying anime that doesn’t have random sexualization or random filler or anything like that. Ending is also very good and ties up the story in a way that doesn’t leave more questions but also allows the characters to have a “life” outside of the scope of the story. I think Parasyte, because of its more horror and psychological-esque vibes, counts as a seinen and not a shounen, so for more mature audiences. I also really liked how the story was successfully adapted to modern times since the manga is from the 80′s. I have actually rewatched this anime, but what stops me from giving it a 10/10 is a few things that I found kinda “stereotypical” that I don’t wanna discuss further too much cuz it’s spoilers. I still obviously really like this anime and highly recommend it.

3. Zankyou no Terror

TBH, this anime is pretty hard for me to properly describe in a lot of words as to why I like it. The art was really pretty as well as the music, which was just straight up amazing. The cinematography of this anime is excellent as well, and a lot of scenes have that sense of being acted out by real people, as opposed to feeling completely drawn/animated. I was a teenager when this anime came out and I think a lot of the themes presented in the show really related to me. The show does kinda have some leftover questions when it ends that prevents me from rating it a 10/10, but I have such a soft spot for this anime. It’s from the same creator as Samurai Champloo and Cowboy Bebop, and although those two animes are also very good, they did not impact me as much as this anime did. Recommended for people looking for idk something that gives off Inception vibes?? In the sense that it’s much more about its themes and its message more so than the believability of the events that occur.

4. Magic Kaito 1412

THIS IS JUST A PERSONAL PREFERENCE BTW LOLOL I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY WHO’D PUT THIS AS A 9/10 ANIME. I JUST REALLY LIKED IT OKAY. It’s made by the same person who does Detective Conan but I like this a lot more because it’s a much shorter series and slightly more mature (more for teens than just straight up kids). I really liked the main guy, I think he’s funny and charismatic. He’s a pervert at times but Imma forgive that cuz of the 90′s. Idk it’s just a really fun anime that I don’t have to take seriously and can just watch and enjoy.

5. Mob Psycho 100 (season 1 AND 2)

Imma put season two as slightly better than season one. So season one would be like a 9 and season two is like a 9.25 for me. Super super funny anime and I like it SO much more than One Punch Man. I liked that there was a good balance of serious moments, but you can definitely still count this anime as a comedy. I’m typically not the type to watch “comedy” but this anime genuinely had me laughing out loud, while also crying and freaking out right alongside the main character. The main guy is super great because he’s just this shy and sweet middle schooler, and it’s really interesting watching him balance trynna have a normal life while also using his powers for good and such. Apparently the anime was decently faithful to the manga and there’s apparently enough material for a third season so I’d be pretty stoked for a season 3, but season 2 ended on a pretty good spot and was satisfying. TBH, if I had the time, I’d probably rewatch both seasons and bump it up to a 10/10.

6. Vinland Saga

This anime is just the first season of what I hopes to be a whole series that will be stay beautifully and faithfully adapted from the manga. As someone who read very far into the manga (but quit like years ago simply because I hate slow updates lol), I actually didn’t enjoy watching the anime at first. I was impatient and kept waiting for when like the “major” events would happen. So I watched like three episodes and quit. But when I had some free time, I decided to get stuck in and commit to watching the whole series and I was so pleasantly surprised with just how good it was. I was impatient but I needed to realize that there is no “filler” or like “wasted time” in the entire anime. I hadn’t read the manga in years, so so many things were only vaguely familiar but I think this helped me stay surprised and excited throughout the anime. I’m looking forward to the rest of the manga being adapted because it’s just a good Viking saga lolol. Major themes of stuff like growing up, violence vs. peace, what it means to be a good person, etc. Lots of blood and LOTS of violence like a LOT they are VIKINGS CMON but tbh not really any gore which I liked cuz gore makes me ughhhh. A very good watch and only a taste of an excellent story.

7. Demon Slayer

It’s just Demon Slayer duhhh. Of course this a 9/10 for me. I don’t wanna write much just cuz the show is so popular. Just read a REAL review of this anime somewhere else lmaoooo. Also yes I did watch the movie in theaters and yes I liked it a lot as well mmkay. I’m mad hype for season two. My S/O doesn’t like Demon Slayer as much as me, but also has Hunter x Hunter as their all time favorite anime. Do with that information what you will lolol.

8. Attack on Titan Season 3 Part 2

Same shit as Demon Slayer. Just go read someone else’s review about why it’s so good lol. Also, unlike Mob Psycho 100, I can’t include all of the seasons in this, because I have very various opinions about how good/bad the other seasons were. But this season 3 part 2, was just plain and simply amazing. While I might not like each season equally, as a whole Attack on Titan is also a modern masterpiece of storytelling. Read the manga if you can.

9. Great Pretender

I love this anime so much. Such a good and fun wild ride. The whole show is ridiculous but in a fun way. I’m a HUGE fan of heist films, so of course I absolutely enjoyed a heist anime. I’ve watched this show in sub AND dub, due to the fact that everyone is “technically” speaking English the entire time. If you’re a purist, just watch in sub OR dub cuz I did get confused here and there, especially when I would go back to compare language discrepancies. Because basically I did this super high maintenance thing where I switched back to Japanese whenever the main character had flashbacks, since he’s ya know, Japanese. The dub also has this confusing thing where the first five minutes or so are still in Japanese, but switches to English when a little cue card on the screen goes “For the Viewers sake, everything from now on will be translated to Japanese.” It’s cuz in the sub, the inverse obviously happens where the characters are initially speaking broken English to each other, but for convenience sake, everything from that point on will be in Japanese. It’s confusing at first but I liked it cuz it just proved the whole international vibe of the show. It’s funny either sub or dub when they joke about how bad the main guy speaks English, cuz in the dub he’s speaking perfect English, while the sub has him not speaking English at all. But anyway, great anime that WOULD have gotten a 10/10 if not for the last episode. Like without spoiling ... WTF WAS THAT LMAOOOO. The anime as a whole is super wacky and zany but at least I could try to think it’s real life, but that last episode was just so unbelievable and bizarre and pulled my suspension of disbelief into the STRATOSPHERE that I just had to convince myself that this show takes place in some improbable alternate reality where something like what happened in the last episode is at least 5 percent possible CUZ HOW DID ANY OF THAT WORK LMAOOO??? Once again, great show, one of my absolute favorites, BUT THAT ENDING THOUGH WTF.

10. BNA

Good super underrated anime that I don’t hear people talk about at all. If Beastars is anime Zootopia, then BNA is Disney Beastars lmaooo does that make sense? It’s a lot more fun and zany than Beastars and I liked it way more. Made by the same people who made Kill la Kill. I really like that more classic, animated “cheap” art style that the anime has, and I also really liked the plot of the story. Not a 10/10 cuz the show does leave a few unanswered questions at the end of it, but this show was such a fun and interesting ride. When I finished the last episode, I was left with a big smile on my face because I just genuinely enjoyed this anime. Recommended if you wanna watch something a little unique and more on the silly and wack side. Talks about some serious stuff, but luckily the show never takes itself TOO seriously, and remains overall lighthearted for a fun action/sci-fi show.

#bna #attack on titan #parasyte #anime review #myanimelist #great pretender #demon slayer #vinland saga #mob psycho 100 #anime #fullmetal alchemist #terror in resonance #magic kaito

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kaitwrites · 4 years ago

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Part 22; Apologies

Word Count: ~3k

Masterlist

A/N: Okay, it’s finally here. First of all I’d like to say I’m very nervous lol. But also, a HUGE thank you to @garbagepale-kid for editing and proof-reading for me. Best Wife Cassie <3. Secondly, she has given me so much confidence in my writing and I love her so much for that. Once again, Cassie Best wife. Also you can follow her (18+) writing blog here. In other news I just finished my last 55 hour week at work, and I only have four more days of work before a week of vacation! Anyway, the next part will be written as well, and I hope you guys enjoy <3

You stared at your phone, watching anxiously as the minutes ticked by. After making it back to the hotel you made a beeline for the little gazebo off to the side of the property. With the late hour and it also being a weekday, you were left waiting alone in the dark, unbothered as you sat on the weathered bench. The only light came from the dim bulb that seemed to hang only by a thread from the tented ceiling. Bakugo had said he wanted to take a shower before meeting with you, but the longer you waited, the more you feared you’d been stood up.

Finally, you spotted a familiar spiky-haired shadow coming from around the corner and your heartbeat spiked in your chest.

You let out a shaky breath as he approached, relieved that he had finally shown up. “Hi.”

He offered you a rare smile, one it seemed only you got to see. “Hey.” He had stopped at the steps, not making a move to come any closer - almost unsure what to do with himself. “So…”

“So?” You questioned, your voice coming out far more confident than you thought it would.

Bakugo huffed and made his way up the few steps, sliding onto the bench beside you. The old wood creaked under your combined weight. He sat facing forward, choosing to stare out into the darkness. “So, you and Sero?” There was a bite to his tone.

Your eyes narrowed. “What about me and Sero?” You quipped back, your tone just as harsh.

You observed him carefully as he clenched and unclenched his jaw, bracing yourself for an onslaught of the usual insults you heard thrown at your friends. “What are you two?”

You were taken aback by how soft his voice was when he asked, and it took you a moment to compose yourself once more before answering him. “What does it matter to you what goes on between me and Sero?”

“Because, damn it!” He let out a hefty sigh, knotting his hands into his hair. “I thought we had something.” He hissed out through clenched teeth.

You turned away in disbelief, unsure of how to react. He planned this whole thing, the song, the apology, in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of people, but he wanted to get upset with you? Act like you had been the one in the wrong this entire time? Sure what you and Hanta had was artificial, but did he really expect you to wait around while he tried to figure out how to communicate with you? It wasn’t like you two had been anything official, so what was the big deal if you had started seeing someone? The questions mounted and mixed poorly with a nearly-venomous sense of indignation, erasing any of the calm you’d been maintaining.

You threw your hands up in exasperation, ignoring the way he flinched away from the unexpected sudden movement. “You know what? I thought we did too. But then you kicked me out of your hotel room, wouldn’t tell me why! You ignored me for weeks, Bakugo! I think I deserve an explanation!”

“Fuck! I know!” He shouted, making you jump. He noticed it from the corner of his eye and took a deep breath before he spoke again, this time a little calmer.

“I knew your phone had died so I plugged it in for you. Figured I’d save you the hassle in the morning. It started going off like crazy once it turned back on and I assumed it was those idiots blowing up your phone. He slumped his shoulders, leaning back against the bench. “I was going to tell them to shut the hell up and leave you alone so you could sleep, but the messages were from some guy acting like your boyfriend or something - I got angry.”

You fisted your hands in the hem of your shirt, feeling your nails dig into your palms through the thin material. “No shit! Why didn’t you talk to me?”

His gaze shifted to the floor, unable to look in your direction after hearing the hurt and anger in your voice. “I wanted to! I knew I had upset you and I figured you’d be over it in a few days. But when Kirishima told me just how upset you were I just- I couldn’t. I’m just some asshole, and you deserve better than that. I couldn’t talk to you.”

You glared at his profile, lips pressed into a thin line, waiting for him to face you and continue. The silence stretched on for several moments, so you cut in. “You could have texted me, called me, wrote me a note, sent me a fucking email for god’s sake! But instead, I was left sitting alone agonizing over what in the hell I could have done that made you so mad at me!”

“I realized I fucked up. No matter how much I wanted to talk to you I know I’d just fuck it up and hurt you all over again.” He finally turned his gaze to you, features softening once he saw the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. He ventured again, barely audible “But now I realize that not talking to you hurt you more than anything I could have done.”

You aggressively wiped at your eyes as the tears escaped, realizing you were more frustrated by the burst of tears than you were angry with Bakugo.

“You had become such a constant in my day to day life, and just like that, the familiarity was gone. You were gone. You wouldn’t even look at me. I was literally packing my bags a week and a half ago because being around you was not only uncomfortable, but it hurt.”

Bakugo shifted on the bench beside you, uncomfortable from the sudden burst of tears. He wasn’t good with his own emotions, let alone someone else's. A slew of curses ran through his brain as he tried to gather the right words to say to try to make you feel better. A stab of guilt shot through his heart watching your shoulders shake as you tried to hide your face from him. Damn, he thought, this is all my fault. He slid off the bench with an exasperated sigh, kneeling in front of you and tilting your face to meet his eyes. “Damn it, stop crying dumbass.” His hand slid up to your cheek, wiping the tears that continued to trail down your face. “Especially over some asshole.”

Your eyes narrowed. “You’re the asshole I’m crying over.” You spat, pushing his hands away.

“Listen. I’m not good at shit like this, alright?” His voice no longer held the softness it had just moments prior. You went to speak but he cut you off abruptly. “Just- let me talk, okay?” You nodded, letting him say his piece.

He took a deep breath, eyes pointed at the ground. “I fucked up. I know I did, alright? I’m not- I don’t know how to do stuff like this, I never cared how anyone felt before you came along. To be honest, I regretted kicking you out as soon as I did it, hearing the pain in your voice then- Even now, it’s still… I don’t even know how to describe it. But, fuck. I'm just trying to say sorry, alright?”

“It’s called guilt.” You sniffled, bumping your leg against his.

He moved back beside you on the bench, and after a moment of hesitation he pulled your legs into his lap. Your heart fluttered at the sudden movement, and you were tempted to remove your legs from his light grip, but it felt right. You sighed and let yourself relax into him and he wrapped his free arm around you as you let your head rest on his shoulder. I’m so tired of being mad at him. You thought, I want this moment with him, I don’t want to fight against it. I’ve missed him so much.

His hand came up, stroking your hair with a tenderness that surprised you, and you melted into his touch. “I know what it’s called, Dumbass.”

You closed your eyes, taking in the scent of his body wash. It smelled like the forest after it had just rained, and reminded you of all of the nights you had fallen asleep in his room while you worked on videos or watched movies together. How you would wake up snuggled up to his firm chest and he would complain that you took up all the room on the bed so he had no choice but to be so close to you. You smiled fondly at the memory and felt a few more tears fall from your eyes.

His hand rested on your knee and gently squeezed. “I thought I told you to stop crying over some asshole.” He slowly brought his hand up to wipe at your tears, assuming you would push him away once more. The weight of his hand disappeared from your head, drifting down to wipe your tears even though he was sure you’d try to push him away again. To his surprise, you let him.

You pressed your cheek into his calloused hand letting out a shaky sigh when it lingered a little longer than necessary. You looked up at him through wet eyelashes.

“Say it again.” You mumbled.

He pulled his hand back, confused. “Don’t cry over an asshole? I think twice is enough, you really need to hear it a third time?”

“No, you idiot.” You sighed, pushing his shoulder. “You know what I mean.”

He smirked and placed his hand on your knee. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

This time it wasn’t surrounded by a jumbled mess of an explanation, it wasn’t a quick, quiet apology like he had done prior. It felt genuine. It was genuine. You felt like a weight had been lifted from your chest, and you could feel the tears burning in your eyes again, but you pushed them back and let a shaky breath escape your lips.

“I forgive you, but it’s not okay. Learn how to talk to people.” You flicked him on the forehead and he grabbed your wrist, returning the motion to your forehead. “Hey!”

“I’m working on it, woman.” He let go of your wrist but slid your hand into his, gently squeezing it before dropping it completely. “Shitty Hair already told me about you and Sero, but I want to hear it from you.”

“Damn it, Kirishima!” You threw your head back, covering your face with your hands. You had asked him not to say anything to Bakugo about it, scared that it would just anger the blonde and make him never want to speak to you again, and you were aggravated that your best friend had decided to tell Bakugo instead of just letting things take their course. But suddenly, what Kirishima told you had made sense. You two are going to be the death of me. At first, you thought he meant you and Sero, but the more you thought about it, he was talking about you and Bakugo. Mina said that Kirishima had been working with Bakugo for a while, and he was probably just trying to get a handle on the situation, tired of having to go back and forth especially if it was going to be all for nothing. Kirishima never should have been caught up in the middle of the mess between the two of you, Bakugo could have talked to you, and you could have just gotten over it and made him talk to you in person, even when he was ignoring all of your messages.

You narrowed your eyes once more, crossing your arms over your chest.“You drove Kirishima just as crazy as I did, didn’t you?”

He mimicked you, quirking a brow as he crossed his arms over his own chest. “You have no proof.”

“Stop copying me, liar. I can’t believe I’m attracted to a liar.” You reached out to pry his arms from his chest, but he turned it around on you, grabbing yours and pulling you so close so you could feel his breath on your face.

“So you’re attracted to me?” You didn’t miss the way his eyes traveled down to your lips, then quickly darted back up to your eyes, a smirk forming on his own lips

“I never denied it.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as he moved his hand up your arm. “You would have known forever ago if you hadn’t been so mean to me.”

His crimson eyes made their way back down to your lips once more, and you shivered under his gaze. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?” He leaned forward, closing the distance between the two of you, observing your features carefully as he drew closer. He slowly closed his eyes, but you put a hand to his chest and stopped him. He eased back, pressing his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering open and breath heavy as if he had been holding it this whole time.

“What now, dumbass?” He was annoyed, but his voice wasn’t as gruff as it usually was.

“I need to talk to Sero.”

“Oh? Need to fake break up with your fake boyfriend?” He chuckled, hands trailing up and down your arms. “Come on, Y/N.”

“Well, It’s a little more complicated than that.” You bit your lip and looked down, nervous to tell him about what had happened earlier in the night, anxiety eating at your nerves over the events of the evening.

He rolled his eyes as he waited for you to continue. “Spit it out, Y/N.”

Sero had been there for you for this entire ordeal, hell even before Bakugo came into the picture, he was one you could always come to and he would welcome you with open arms, dropping whatever he was doing for you. And what if that kiss had meant something to him? Obviously, you were taken back by it at first and you weren’t sure how to feel, but he knew that all of this was for Bakugo, and since this - or at least something - was happening between you and Bakugo, he deserved to know what happened.

“He kissed me earlier before you guys went on stage. He came down to get some drinks and we ran into each other at the bar. I just wanted to tell you because I didn’t want you finding out later and getting upset with me again.”

“Mother fucker.” He pulled back and his hands tightened on your arms for a minute before he let go. You saw anger flash in his eyes, and you were preparing yourself for an outburst. “I was supposed to be the first one in this damn band of idiots to kiss you.” He was trying to keep a light tone with the joke, but you could tell he was struggling to keep his cool.

“Hate to break it to you, he wasn’t the first to kiss me either.” You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair, always shocked at how soft his seemingly prickly hair was.

“Shouldn’t be surprised you kissed that red-haired idiot.” He leaned his head back into your hand as you scratched his scalp, side-eyeing you as you giggled.

“Wrong again! Jirou and I made out once or twice, no big deal.” You smiled as his mouth fell open in shock. “Actually, the only person I haven’t kissed is Kirishima. Well, and you.” His hands made their way down to your hips and he pinched you at your remark.

“I don’t know why I’m so surprised. You two did seem close.” Soft circles were rubbed into your sides before a look of realization came across his face. “Wait, even that purple-haired bastard?”

“Only once during spin the bottle when we were in high school.” You giggled, watching a pout form on his lips. “Aw, what’s the matter, Katsuki?” You reached up to pinch his cheek, “you jealous-“ He grabbed your hand, cutting you off and pulling you completely onto his lap, his lips just a few mere inches from yours.

“What were you saying?” He whispered, his lips just barely ghosting against yours, eyes half shut, staring up at you. Goosebumps ran up your spine as he ran his hands up your sides. “Not so talkative now are we?”

You inhaled sharply and placed your hands on either side of his face, rubbing your thumb over his cheek. “I missed you.”

“I’ve been here the whole time.” He squeezed your sides and kissed your jaw, leaving tingles where his lips had met your skin. You visibly shivered and sighed, leaning more into him, allowing him to continue the light trail of kisses along your jaw. “Come back to my room.” He whispered.

You nodded, opening your eyes and peering down at him. “After I talk to Sero.” His grip tightened at the sound of his name and you didn’t miss the way his face scrunched up in disapproval, but he lazily let his hands fall from your sides. “It won’t take long,” you promised, slowly making your way off his lap already, missing the presence of his hands on your sides.

You had barely made it two steps away from him before you felt his hand at your wrist, pulling you back and twisting you around to face him once more. “You really thought I’d let you go that easily?” His free hand landed on your cheek, making its way to the back of your head and pulling you closer to him, his lips finally meeting yours.

Taglist! @hopelesshawks @goustcop @pride-of-persephone @jadenyukis-bodypillow @unawi13-blog @sokka-simp @astroninaaa @pansinspace @oikawasiwa @thelifeoftheshorty @camry-orphanaccount @vhskenma @hallothankmas @pinkquartz19 @reblogs-of-things-i-like @xxoperatexx @kiristanfirsthuman2nd @introvertatitsfinest @garbagepale-kid @calumsfringe @itsmysticalmystery @sirachano0dles @bakugousflowerprincess @fukyouthink @ynfics @hadesnewpersephone @cirtruss @cherryblossom242 @chaichai-the-weeb @sergeant102105 @punicorn999 @definitelynotaundrayah @dangerousluv1 @missalienqueen @coffeeaddictedmay @nxynxy @tansyfleurwhisper @insane-without-delirium @ravenkake @thoretical-theo @overzealous-imagination @delightfulartisancolorauthor @multifixx @emomochi

#The Drummer #Katsuki Bakugo #Bakugo Katsuki #Bakugo Katsuki x Fem Reader #Bakugo x Reader #Bakugo x Y/N #Drummer Bakugo #My Hero Academia #Boku No Hero Academia #MHA #My Hero Fanfic #Boku No Hero Fanfic #Bakugo Fanfic #Reader Insert #SMAU but written

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years ago

Text

Bad For You Chapter 3

Fuckboy Mark X Reader

Genre: Fluff and angst (the ending is hella angsty though just a warning)

Word Count: 11.1K (Damn this one is a long one LOL)

A/N: Am I the only one loving the fact that Mark is back home he’s been looking extra hot these days God bless. Things are getting more and more juicier with each and every chapter. Happy reading!

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“Well, I mean, you remind me at least five times a day every single day—“

“Because you are. You’re so beautiful and it’s so hard for me to concentrate on anything else other than you. I want you to know that you are such an extraordinary human being and that I think the entire universe of you. I honestly think tutoring me does more damage to my grades than it does help them.”

Mark pulled you closer to his body if it were even physically possible before smashing his cheek against yours. The two of you were practically sloths; clinging on to one another. When he first asked you to head over to his apartment, you told him you would only go if he agreed to work on some of his assignments.

However, he coerced you in to eating some pizza with him; promising that once you both were finished with your food that he would start on his essay for world history. Knowing Mark’s tendencies to procrastinate and from past experiences of him sweet talking you in to doing anything other than his school work you weren’t surprised to find yourself sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped protectively around your waist—leaving kisses against the crook of your neck and stealing kisses from the corner of your mouth when you’d least expect it.

You didn’t even try to fight him when you found yourself in the comfortable position you were currently in. He was warm—his air conditioning was on full blast yet he was your own personal furnace. It didn’t help that he was shirtless; he claimed that it took a lot for the air conditioning to really do anything for him but you had a huge feeling that was just an excuse to walk around without a shirt. You also loved spending as much time with him as you possibly could.

Although the two of you got off on a rough start, you could confidently say the older boy brought out the best in you. It didn’t take much for him to make you laugh or to give him your signature smile that he claimed to adore so much. All he had to do was use a cheesy pick up line on you or compliment you on something he was well aware that you hated about yourself.

Another thing you enjoyed about Mark was how childlike he was. Sure, there were times where he could be a little immature; whether it was being affectionate with you at all the wrong times—while the two of you were out to dinner with his parents or as you were proctoring one of the tests in your English class and he would playfully slap your butt when nobody was looking—but he was so free-spirited and positive about almost every single thing.

Mark didn’t let anything bother him. He felt like allowing anything or anyone negative try to get on his nerves was a huge waste of time. He also enjoyed the little things; getting three scoops of ice cream not too long after the two of you would eat dinner even if he was full, sneaking in to your elementary school after hours just to play on the jungle gym, texting you random memes he’d get from Twitter even if he was sitting right next to you and taking you on dates to the most interesting places; like the art museum or the planetarium.

The older boy was like a breath of fresh air; a far cry from the fuckboy who couldn’t care less about anyone other than himself you assumed he was before getting to learn who he really was. Honestly, he was one of the only reasons behind your happiness at the moment. Mark made you feel safe, protected—he made you feel so many positive emotions; carefree, joyful, content, loved—he made you feel beautiful; as if you were the most breathtaking human being to exist.

Not once did you ever have to question your self worth; he made it very clear that you were perfect just the way you are and that whoever claimed perfect people didn’t exist obviously had never met you. Your boyfriend made you feel as though you were the only girl in the entire world because in his eyes, you were the only girl—let alone person who mattered. He’s told you on multiple occasions, he’d give up every single one of his friends and even some of his family members if he had to just to spend the rest of his life with you.

If someone were to tell you at the beginning of your arrangement with Mark that the two of you would end up here; legs tangled up and hands intertwined—stealing sweet kisses from one another in arcades downtown and staying up in the wee hours of the morning, talking about your plans for the future—you would have laughed hysterically right in their face. But here you were, wanting nothing more than to be the lucky girl who got to love Mark Tuan and receive his love for as long as time allowed you to.

You never believed in those romantic movie tropes where the main female lead—the goody two shoes who everyone knew was a virgin would be the only person who was able to change the bad boy male lead who had tattoos all over his body, got drunk and high on a daily basis and hated school in to a better human being.

Things like that never happened. No man could ever love someone that much to want to change their entire life completely for. It just wasn’t real. Honestly, it was extremely laughable because that was so close to your reality—but you didn’t care. You didn’t think you changed Mark at all; well, he was no longer a fuckboy, but deep down you believed he was willing to settle down in an actual relationship with the right person.

If only you knew then what you know now—you were the dream girl that Mark’s could only desire of having in his life to call his significant other. Even back in high school, he believed he was never good enough for someone like you. Someone with such an amazing head on their shoulders.

Someone who cared more about their future and whether or not they were to succeed later in life. Someone who took every day with a grain of salt. Mark was well aware that he didn’t deserve you, but he was going to do whatever he could in his power to make sure he gave you everything he wholeheartedly felt you deserved.

“Well, maybe we need to spend more time actually studying then. That’s the reason why we came together in the first place—“

“First of all, I think that is a stupid idea. Studying is genuinely such bullshit. You spend hours with your face in a book and barely memorize a thing. Second of all, we came together on many different occasions for many different reasons—ow, babe—what? I’m being serious. Making love to my pretty baby is my favorite past time—you’re no fun.”

You repositioned yourself on his lap, turning your body so you were face to face with him and playfully squeezed his cheek before placing a kiss on his nose.

“I love you.”

The two of you had said that word quite a few times since you began your relationship. Actually, Mark confessed his love for you only a month after the two of you started dating and he claimed that he didn’t even care if it was too soon. He’s had feelings for you for over seven years now. It didn’t take long for his infatuation to develop in to something so much more—beautiful.

Even more so because he was spending almost every single day learning more and more about you; hearing that contagious laughter of yours, getting playfully shoved by you after making a dirty comment, watching your eyes light up as you talked about wanting to go in to criminology.

It was only a matter of time that he’d find himself hopelessly in love with you and he had no intention on ever getting back up again. However, Mark was nervous to say the least which came as a complete shock; everyone knew how confident the older boy was.

He was the definition of a confident man. It was one of his characteristics that you admired the most about him. But when it came to you—he was a complete and utter mess. If it were anyone else, he’d have no problem hinting towards what he wanted—but with you, he was afraid you had yet to reciprocate his feelings. You might have liked Mark, yet that didn’t mean you were ready to take a step further and claim you were in love with him.

To say he was surprised to hear you say those three magical words only a second after he admitted it out loud to you was an understatement. It took him a while to process the thought of you reciprocating his same exact feelings.

Especially because he didn’t think he was capable of loving another person. He understood that he should have been scared; the idea of love was terrifying. Being in love was genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. However, it also frightened him because he was so vulnerable and he was afraid of getting hurt.

Mark was well aware that you would never do anything to purposely upset him or to make a fool out of him in any way. Sure, you said you loved him multiple times on a daily basis—but you were just as good with showing it through your actions as you were explaining your romantic feelings for him verbally.

You’ve done so many things for him to prove your loyalty for him and that you were in this relationship for the long run—but that didn’t stop his many insecurities about never being good enough for you. Mark was selfish; he was well aware that you deserved better. So much better.

He knew that there were so many more amazing men out there who could take care of you in ways that Mark couldn’t and who could give you everything that your boyfriend felt he lacked. However, he wanted you and only you—and he wanted to be the only one who received your passion, yearning, adoration and most of all, your love.

The two of you haven’t been in a relationship for all that long, but Mark was very confident that you were the woman he wholeheartedly wanted to spend the rest of his life with. This was the first time he actually saw a future with someone; he knew this whole rolling stone life he was living was going to be temporary. He was young and in college. His entire group of friends lived the same hookup life and none of them—well, other than Jinyoung—but none of them ever gave off the vibe that they wanted something more than just a night of sex with someone they had no intention on getting to know on a personal level.

However, he didn’t realize that it was going to end all that soon—he’d be lying if he said being in love wasn’t something he wanted to happen to him. For years, he would tell himself that he wasn’t capable of love or having someone love him. It came to a surprise to the older boy when you began to show him so much comfort, tenderness and affection that he realized every single person in the world—even people like Mark were able to experience the beauty of love and he was never going to take you or your feelings for him for granted. You were his person, and he was going to make sure you were aware of how blessed he was to be yours.

“Babe, you can’t just out right say that you love me. We went over this. You need to give me time to prepare. You know exactly how much that four letter word means to me. My heart feels as if it’s about to leap out of my chest. Especially when you say it so confidently. God, you—you’re simply perfect. You make me the happiest man alive. I love you so much—ah shit. I’m hard again. Only you can be so adorable while confessing your love for me yet give me a painfully hardened erection. Ugh, I can’t wait till we start settling down one day. I hope you know that you’re stuck with me. For the rest of our lives. I never used to believe in soulmates. It’s such a cheesy and overrated concept but I know—you were made for me as I was made for you. I know I’m not what you deserve—you deserve so much more than what I can do and be for you. But I promise, I will do better baby. I will be better. I’ll work on being the man that you should be with. I just really want you to be happy.”

He giggled softly when a stray tear fell down your cheek; it was hard to believe Mark used to be the campus’s number one player. Someone who never cared about what anyone used to think about him—nor did he care about anyone else but himself and his inner circle. He’s hurt so many people, both girls and boys in the last few years.

Whether it was leading them on or making them look bad in front of other people—he was an inconsiderate asshole. So for him to say such kind-hearted and wholesome words, it was genuinely a lot to take in. Especially because it was meant for you. He loved you. He wanted to change for you. He wanted to take care of you and be the reason behind your happiness.

He was aware that he wasn’t someone you probably would have seen yourself with, but yet he was willing to work on himself just to continue to be in your life. You stole a few sloppy kisses from his mouth—allowing your tongue to swirl around his and taking it in between your teeth before pulling away abruptly, earning yourself a raspy grown.

Right as he was going to scold you for taking your lips away from his, you began to lower yourself down to his pelvis and brought your hand to his clothed cock—palming him through his sweats. His dick was throbbing through the cotton; the tip was protruding and standing right at attention causing your mouth to water.

Both you and Mark have agreed that oral was one of your favorite parts of your love making sessions. He was very skilled with his mouth; he used every part—his lips, his teeth and his tongue in the hopes of bringing you to heaven at least once during sex. Your boyfriend knew you like the back of his hand—it didn’t take him long to find your g-spot and the parts of your body that would elicit any moan or cry of pleasure.

From what he’s told you, you were just as talented. The first time you sucked him dry was the first time you’ve ever blown someone off before. Hell, the first time you found yourself writhing underneath him—begging him to something, anything to help loosen the tight coil in your stomach was the same night you lost your virginity. Mark was genuinely shocked to hear that you were a virgin.

Although he had a hunch you had yet to go that extra mile with someone before, he found it hard to believe that you had never been in a relationship. Mark swore that you were the complete package; you were extremely beautiful, adorably cute yet painstakingly sexy. You were hardworking, super intelligent, dedicated passionate, fun-loving—men were stupid not to try and ask you out on a date.

But then again, you didn’t seem as if you cared about getting in to a relationship nor did you show any interest towards the male gender in the first place. Something about knowing that he was the first man who got to have you like this—bare, innocent and raw—learning each and every single curve, birth mark, beauty mark and scar—learning your likes, dislikes, what made you squirm and scream—it made his heart soar. He was soon regretting not waiting till he met the one—you—to give himself to.

Yet, he was glad he had some experience so he’d be able to show you a good time. It was understandable that you were just a little bit nervous. You felt as though you wouldn’t be able to please him in the way he never fails to do with you, but the way his moans practically bounced off the walls as you took him down your throat made it all the more evident that you knew exactly what you were doing.

His expression once you swallowed him whole made you giggle like a little school girl. He looked as if you sucked the life out of his dick—he panted heavily as though he ran multiple miles in a short amount of time. The beads of sweat building up at his forehead should have been gross, but it only turned you on so much more than you already were.

From that day on, he made sure you blew him off at least once a day—with your consent that is. He began to run his fingers through your hair and bit down on his bottom lip when you pulled down his sweats hastily, giving yourself better access to his length. When you finally freed him from the constraints of his boxers, he let out a breathy moan and the sound went straight to your pulsating core.

“Such a pretty, pretty baby. Going to suck my cock like the dirty little cock slut you are? Want to show me how much you love me y/n? Put this dick down your throat and take it all as I fuck your face—if—if you’re okay with that my love—“

No matter how rough and dominant Mark could get behind close doors, his soft side for you never failed to come out every now and then. He was the definition of a switch for you; leaning more towards a sub both in the streets and in between the sheets. Sometimes, you’d forget that he was the man in the relationship because of how much he would follow you around as if he was a lost puppy. It didn’t bother you though, you enjoyed how gentle your boyfriend could be because you were the only person who got to see this timid, tender side of him.

“You’re hard as a rock yet such a fucking softy for me babe. Who knew that the big and bad Mark Tuan would be so compassionate and sweet towards little old me.” A snarky remark was at the back of his throat, but instead, a groan of lust came out as soon as you circled your tongue around the tip of his cock. His grip on your hair tightened as you encompassed the beginning of his penis with your mouth.

“Shit—shit, shit. Ah, so fucking good every single time. Y/n, ah just like that baby—y/n, y/n—“

“Y/n. Earth to y/n. Wake up—“

The not so gentle shaking of your shoulder broke you out of your deep sleep. Wait—that was a dream? It felt so real—you were seconds away from deepthroating him and you could actually feel him on your tongue. This wasn’t the first time you found yourself absentmindedly thinking about Mark in either a romantic or sexual light. This was probably the third time you’ve dreamt of him in the last week.

Each dream became more and more sexual to the point where you’d wake up with a tight and uncomfortable sensation in between your legs. You’d try to take a few minutes and wonder why you were dreaming about him—especially all of a sudden. You’ve known Mark for more years than you could count on both of your hands yet this was the first time he’s been clouding your thoughts and this worried you.

This was what you were afraid of when you agreed to tutoring him in the first place. Sure, it was only natural for him to appear in your mind since you’ve been spending so much time together. However, you were adamant on being nothing but platonic with him.

No matter how nice he’s been to you these last few weeks and how much effort he’s been putting in to his studies, he was still a fuckboy in your eyes. You might have agreed to being friends with him, but you still didn’t trust him completely. It was going to take more than just a few study sessions to really get to know Mark as more than just someone you were trying to help with passing college.

“Shit sorry. How long was I asleep for?”

He giggled at your now pink cheeks; it’s obvious you were flustered and not all quite there yet. Your eyes were still droopy and there was hair stuck all over your face. The older boy leaned over and brought some of your hair back behind your ear. He might have thought he was doing you a favor—but he was only making things worse. His fingers grazed ever so gently against your neck; causing chills to run down your spine. If you were to look in the mirror, you’d probably give tomatoes a run for their money.

“About ten minutes. But this is your second nap in the last hour so—“

“I fell asleep twice?! Why didn’t you tell me? Oh God, I’m so sorry. You should have woken me up! We’ve only been studying for a little over an hour—“

“You looked exhausted, and plus—you’re so adorable when you sleep.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment as your way of trying to prevent your cheeks from warming up even more than they already were. Mark has been throwing in compliments and cheeky pick up lines at least once throughout your sessions and it was as if he knew they were slowly breaking your cold facade and your attempts not to smile at his words. You tried your best not to show just how much his flirtatious remarks were making their way in to your heart and repeatedly played on and on in your mind.

When you weren’t with him—and even when you were together, Mark took up the entirety of your thought process and to your surprise, the feeling excited you more than it worried you like it would have weeks ago. It was only a matter of time that you’d end up falling for his charm; and you found yourself trying your best not to feel anything whenever you’d catch him stealing glances at you or whenever he would do something polite like pulling out your chair, carrying your things for you and opening the door for you. But it was impossible.

You’ve spent enough time with him both in class and outside of school to see the way he interacted with a lot of your classmates. Not once have you seen him talk to anyone other than you and his friends and you never really questioned it. You just assumed that he had a tight circle and didn’t believe in breaking outside of the six guys he was so familiar with.

Therefore, you wouldn’t really know how he was like towards other girls—then again, you weren’t sure you ever wanted to know. What did it matter to you? The two of you just became friends not too long ago. Before then, you saw Mark as someone you wanted no affiliation with at all. He was nothing but trouble, and you refused to be the next person on his list who he planned on ruining.

For all you knew, the way he was actions towards you in the last few days could have all been an act to get you to trust him—to lure you in to his trap and get you to fall for his endearing ways only to break your heart and humiliate you for the entire university to witness. However, you were confident that the kindness and friendliness Mark has been showing you was not fake nor did he have any ill intent.

He seemed to genuinely care about you even if you were just friends. It was in the little things; texting you encouraging words to get you through the day, purchasing you coffee and sometimes even meals as his way to show his gratitude, giving you his jacket to wear if he thought you were cold, asking you if you wanted to take a break—he would even pick you up from work if he was free against your many claims that you were fine with taking yourself to work.

Again, like the many gifts and purchases of food, he stated that this was his way of thanking you for your help and you finally came to terms with the fact that the only reason why you agreed was because you really liked spending time with him. Mark made you very happy—in fact, this was the most happy you’ve been in a while.

Nobody has ever made you feel so important; so protected and safe before and you could only hope that putting your trust in him and allowing the walls you’ve built so high to protect you from people like him wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass if he turned out to be exactly what you were afraid he was. You were broken out of your whirlwind of thoughts when you felt something cold and wet yet refreshing being rubbed under your eyelids and just above your nose. Mark began to roll something all along your face and out of instinct reaction, you whacked whatever it was from his hands.

“What the hell is that?” He shrugged indifferently and got up from his seat; picking the small tube off of the ground.

“It’s a peppermint roller. Whenever I feel tired or my nose is congested, I either rub it under my eyes to prevent me from falling asleep or I’ll smell it to open my nasal airways—“

You couldn’t stop the giggle that fell from your lips as he described exactly what that little stick was; but your heart began to flutter at the proximity now that he was leaning towards you, and because something about his sudden movement was so domestic and considerate in a way. It was cute and so was he. God, what did you get yourself in to?

“Oh. Well, thank you? Actually, it’s pretty—soothing? Where’d you get it from?”

“China. My family and I went to visit my grandparents a couple of months ago and since I’ve been using it from the time I was like eight I think, I stocked up on a lot of it. I can give you a few if you’d like. Can’t have you sleeping on me.”

You gave him a soft smile and nodded in agreement. It took every bone in your body not to make it obvious that you enjoyed how much he seemed to care about you. Only Mark Tuan could make your head spin by just offering to give you something of his.

“Hey, why don’t we call it a day on studying and go do something fun? There’s actually somewhere I want to take you.”

This peaked your interest, yet you found yourself giving him a knowing look. The older boy was notorious for trying to get out of studying. On multiple occasions, Mark would try and bribe you with food just so he could stop working on his assignments. Most of the time, you’d go along with whatever he’d ask of you only if he completed more than half of his work load.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like taking these breaks—and getting to spend any time with him outside of your tutoring sessions. You needed a break from school every now and then, even if it wasn’t you who was doing all the studying and catching up on assignments. He picked up your things and led the way to his car.

“Where are we going?”

To your dismay, you were left with silence as he opened your door and allowed you to get in. You had a feeling he wasn’t going to admit where he was taking you, so you just accepted it for what it was and just sat back while he drove. Like most of your drives together, he would put on a playlist while no words were shared.

Sometimes, you wondered why neither of you would start a conversation—when you were in the library or at a cafe while going over his notes or checking his work, the older boy would talk up a storm. You’d have to tell him to focus because he could talk to you for hours without getting any of his work done. But you liked it like this. You didn’t want to run out of topics to talk about with him in fear of losing him as a friend if he realized you were the definition of a boring person.

Plus, there were a lot of songs on his playlist that you particularly enjoyed. On your down time, you’d listen to some songs even when you weren’t around him and that’s the moment you accepted that your feelings for Mark were no longer just platonic. You began to mirror a lot of his movements; scratching the back of your neck in embarrassment, biting your lip when you were deep in thought, tapping your pencil on the table if you were bored—and you also took a liking to his preferences.

Mark had a positive influence on you which came as genuine shock seeing as you quickly assumed he was quite the party boy who wasted his money on drugs and alcohol. That might have been true before, but since you were spending almost every single hour of the day with him, you haven’t seen him drink or smoke even once. He was trying to change—to be a better person and it showed.

“Hey, we’re here.”

His gentle squeeze on your wrist as an attempt to break you out of your thoughts should have startled you, but the touch made you grin to yourself. Ever since the night you agreed to be friends, he started to be more physically interactive; he would poke your cheek, squeeze your nose, flick your forehead and even twist strands of your hair. Not once did you try to stop him—you genuinely enjoyed the skin ship.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on it as to why you were such a big fan of feeling him graze his fingers along your arm or when he would brush some of your hair behind your ear. Maybe it’s because this was the first time in your entire life that you were interacting with a guy other than in class or when you were at work. Especially in such a personal and intimate way. Was it intimate though? The two of you were just friends. You had to stop thinking that he there was something more behind his ministrations because you were only setting yourself up for heartbreak.

But maybe you felt like this because it was Mark. One of the number one sought out boys on the entire campus and he decided to give up all his time to be with you. He didn’t really have much of a choice; his education completely depended on you and it was only a matter of time where he would realize he no longer needed to waste all of his time with you.

“The beach?” He nodded in excitement while he walked over to his trunk and pulled out a few things.

“Not just any beach though, this is my beach.”

“Your beach?”

“Mhm. No one ever comes here except me, so I’m assuming nobody knows about it.”

He laid out a blanket and motioned for you to sit down, taking his place right next to you as you got comfortable on the sand. You’ve been to the beach many times before; you loved the beach, but you’ve never been to one that nearly took your breath away. It was beautiful. The sky was a bright blue and so was the ocean.

The water was so clear, you could see the sand and there were a few palm trees. You closed your eyes and leaned backed; taking in the peaceful sound of the waves crashing against the shore. Mark chuckled at your extremely relaxed state—most of the time, you could be very stressed and tense whenever it came to school. He was happy to see you so calm and at ease.

He mentally have himself a high five for taking you here. The two of you sat in silence, just like you did back in the car but again, it was a peaceful and comforting silence. Just having him there—even if no words were being exchanged made your heart extremely happy.

Mark made your heart extremely happy.

“So, I’m taking it that you’re enjoying yourself?”

You turned over to face him and saw his cheesy grin, immediately tugging on your heartstrings. To be in such a beautiful place with an even more beautiful boy; it felt too good to be true. You wanted to spend however long you possibly could in that moment. Just you and Mark, away from everything. Away from the stress that came with education and work. Away from his air headed friends and the college life. Sure, he was just your friend and that was probably all he was ever going to be to you, but in the moment—he was all yours and you weren’t going to take it for granted.

“I do. The view is breathtaking.”

You were so focused on taking in your surroundings that you failed to notice that Mark’s attention was solely on you. He was currently looking at you as if you were the most beautiful and ethereal goddess to walk the earth and in his eyes, that’s exactly what you were.

“Sure is. Extremely breathtaking.”

“How long have you known about this place? How did you find it?”

“Well, one day, I got in to a fight with my parents and I just ran out of the house. I drove around for a couple of hours and I actually got lost, so I pulled in here to open up maps on my phone, but then I realized it was a beach and I went to go explore. It’s been about two years. I come here every time I need a break from life. It may not seem like it, but I do get overwhelmed and I just need some time by myself—away from all the negativity.”

“Oh, I see.”

He was now slouched, as if he was upset with the fact that he was revealing so much to you. Yet, his words were so sincere. It was hard to believe someone like Mark—someone you assumed had every single thing in his life that he could ever want went through hardships. He was good at hiding it, but then again; it’s the people you would least expect to go through suffering that suffer the most. This was the first time you’ve ever seen him so out of it—anything other than happy and it made your stomach sore. Mark always tried to cheer you up and bring joy in to your day, so seeing him so distraught wasn’t something you ever wanted to see.

“Are you—is life overwhelming you right now? I’m sorry if I’m a reason—I’ve been over working you and forcing you to study—“

“Don’t you dare even for one second think you are the reason for my distress. If I’m being honest—this is the first time I’ve been back to this beach in a while. A little over a month and a half to be exact. Ever since you came in to my life y/n, I’m so much more happy. I feel a lot more lighter in a sense. I love being around you and I love the effect you have on me. I’ve never brought anyone here before—not my friends, nor anyone in my family. You’re the first person and the only person I ever plan on taking here. You seemed out of it these last few days and I can tell you needed a well deserved break. You’re a full time student with a full time job and in your free time, you assist me with my education. I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done and continue to do for me. You’re such an indescribably wonderful and otherworldly human being. You deserve so much more than what this world can give to you. You mean hell of a lot to me y/n and I—“

“Mark.”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

His eyes widened in shock; as if they were about to pop out of his head yet he practically lunged forward and wasted no time connecting your lips together. As much as you wanted to lie yourself and say that you had no idea what had gotten in to you in that moment—asking if you could kiss him—it had been a long time coming. Hearing him say all those positive things about you, practically absentmindedly confirming that he did in fact see you as more than just a friend, hearing him tell you what you meant to him and that you deserved the entire world—you soon desired to be closer to him.

As close as possible. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands—nothing would be enough. You needed to feel his lips against yours. It was irrational on your part, but you no longer cared at this point. He didn’t have to confirm whether or not he had a crush on you, his actions spoke the words he failed to and you preferred it that way.

Although he was hesitant at first, he soon took over and brought one hand in to your hair as the other cupped your neck all but gently. He pressed his lips against yours rougher—licking and sucking on both your bottom and top lip and playfully swirling his tongue around yours. He consistently hummed against your mouth and made his way on top of your lap, his legs were on either side of yours.

The kiss got more passionate the longer the two of you continued and it came to a point where you didn’t even know how long you were kissing for. The desire—the thirst and even hunger to kiss Mark was too strong and you didn’t even care that you were practically breathless. He knew exactly what he was doing as his mouth melded so sweetly with yours.

However, to his dismay, you finally detached yourself from him in order to catch your breath and retrieve back some of your sanity. Your chest began to heaven as if you ran a marathon and instead of feeling any ounce of exhaustion, you were filled with so much energy. He placed his forehead against yours but not before placing a kiss on your cheek.

Never in a million years would you have ever thought you’d find yourself in this position; Mark hovering on top of your lap, his hair a mess because of how you were running your fingers through it, his lips raw and a shade of dark pink because of how much you nibbled on them. It was almost like your dream just a few hours ago—no wonder why it all felt so real.

Your conscience was foreshadowing what was to come and it was a bittersweet feeling. You wanted to continue kissing him; he had the prettiest lips you have ever seen on a guy. But you needed to talk with Mark before continuing any further. He might have responded in to the kiss and allowed it to turn in to a full blown make out session, but you weren’t completely sure what was going on in his head.

“Wow, y/n—I—wow. I can’t even speak. That was—fuck. You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that for. I catch myself staring at your lips more than I’d like to admit, and I’ve even dreamt about finally feeling them against my own but nothing could compare to how perfect that was. Shit. Does this mean—“

You gave him a shy smile and hid your face in the crook of his neck; not wanting to heighten his ego any more than it already was. He laughed at how flustered you were and placed a kiss on your hair.

“I like you Mark.”

He began to tense up right as your confession fell from your lips. If someone were to tell you that Mark Tuan was going to get all shy once you told him that you harbored feelings for them, you’d laugh right in there face. He was the last person you would ever expect to see so speechless—especially because of you.

“You—you like me? Wait, seriously? You’re not kidding right?”

“Why would I lie about something like that? I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t see you in a romantic light. I’ve liked you for a while now Mark. I only accepted my feelings for you a solid three days ago—“

“Three days?! You mean I could have been kissing these sweet lips sooner?”

You couldn’t help but playfully roll your eyes now that he was sporting the most adorable pout and stole a kiss from the corner of his mouth. “I didn’t know what you thought about me. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before doing something I’d regret later—“

“I swear to God y/n I literally look at you like the sun shines out of your ass it doesn’t get much more real than that—“

“Keep interrupting me Tuan and that kiss was the last kiss you’ll ever get from me.” His sarcastic groan sounded off throughout the quiet beach—he tightened his grip on your waist and flipped the two of you over so that you were now the one sitting on him.

“Fine, fine, but hurry up and say what you want to. I really need to kiss you.”

You placed your chin on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his neck; now that you finally got to experience what it felt like being intimate with him, holding him and being held by him—feeling his lips meld perfectly against yours, you knew there was no turning back now. You were hooked on him like a drug and it was at the point that you would even consider yourself addicted.

“I mean, I had the tiniest hunch that you might’ve developed a little crush on me, but then again—I just assumed you were being nice. I didn’t think I was someone you would see yourself with. You and I come from two different social classes Mark. I’ve seen the girls who attend your parties and—well, there are quite a few girls that talked about their experiences with you and I’m nothing like them. So I just assumed all you would ever be to me was a friend and I was okay with that. I tried—I tried so hard to make myself immune to you. I was afraid of getting hurt. I tried to push you away and I apologize for being so hostile in the beginning, but you need to understand where I’m coming from. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I liked you. I’m happiest when I’m with you Mark. I always get so excited whenever we spend time together. Every single thing you do fills up my heart with so much joy. I’m putting my trust in you Mark. I want to believe that you’ll take good care of me. Please don’t make me regret my decision.” He placed a soft kiss on your forehead and pulled you closer to his body if it were even possible.

“You trust me? Wow. That’s just—I can’t even explain how elated I am to hear you say that. I will never take your trust for granted baby. I promise, I will do whatever I can to make sure you are always smiling. Fuck, you don’t understand what this means to me. I’m yours y/n, all yours. Those girls—they could never hold a candle to you. No girl could ever fill my tummy with butterflies the way that you do. All you do is say my name and it fills up my chest with so much warmth. You need to understand, I have never felt this way for anyone before. Not once in my entire life. I’ve um—I’ve actually had feelings for you since middle school, but we were never all that close so I didn’t say anything because I was afraid you would think I was weird. It was worth the wait though, it really was.”

He placed a wet kiss on your nose and smiled against your neck; probably trying his best to conceal just how happy he was to finally put his feelings for you out there. “You’re the most beautiful person I have the pleasure of knowing. Both on the inside and out. I’ll do whatever it is that you want me to okay? Wait, so um—does this mean—would you, will you be my girlfriend then?”

It was tempting; the word yes was on the tip of your tongue. There was nothing more you wanted than to agree to start a relationship with him. You were well aware that if any other girl were in your position, they would have thrown themselves at the opportunity without hesitation. But then again, you weren’t like most girls.

You weren’t judgmental; you were a firm believer in not judging anyone. However, a lot of the girls on your campus were the definition of easy. They would give themselves to all of the guys at your university that were pretty much eye candy. In more or less words, Mark and the rest of his friends. You wouldn’t be surprised if their body count together consisted 85% of the girls at your school. You on the other hand refused to give yourself to just anybody.

It was as if the only thing on the mind of most boys your age was sex. From the time you were old enough to understand the meaning of love and what it would be like to be in love, that’s all you wanted to experience. You wanted someone to be in love with you entirely; your mind, body, soul, personality, likes and dislikes, good days and bad days.

If you were to allow a man to ravish in just your body, you’d feel so insecure and empty knowing that he only wanted you in the time being to help him soothe his carnal urges. Although you didn’t think too highly of yourself when it came to your physical appearance, you were very secure with your mindset, work ethic and your personality.

You believed that you deserved someone who would love you the way you so generously love others. Not someone who would only call you when his dick was hard. That’s why you found yourself giving him a sad smile and his now disheartened facial expression sent a sore sensation to your stomach.

“I don’t know if you are aware of this, I’m sure you have your assumptions, but I’ve never been in a relationship before. So, I really don’t know how these things work. I think it would be best for us to take things slowly and let whatever happens, happen. If that’s okay with you.”

Once you confessed what was weighing so heavy on your mind, his posture immediately switched back to what it was right after you told him you liked him.

“Shit y/n, don’t scare me like that. I was thinking the worst, like, you were going to say that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me or something. There’s nothing wrong with that. I find it hard to believe though, I mean look at you. You’re literally everything that’s wonderful and extraordinary in a woman. Boys are stupid for not even trying to ask you out but I’m sure you have your reasons for being single. If I’m being honest, I’ve never been in a relationship either. Don’t give me that look baby, I’m being serious—“

“What about Leah in junior year?”

“That was just a fling. It only lasted about two months and even then, we only ever had—um—wait, how did you know about that? Somebody was paying some attention to me back in high school huh?”

He sent you a wink and nudged your shoulder playfully and you were quick to shove him back. Why did you have to open your mouth sometimes? This was only going to add fuel to his already large ego.

“Word spreads around school like wildfire Mark. It wasn’t as if I was purposely trying to see what was going on in your life. People talk—everywhere. I had Leah in pre-calculus. All she ever did was talk about how the two of you were together so don’t think you’re hot shit.”

He placed his face in the crook of your neck and left a few sloppy kisses there—the sensation went straight to your tummy, causing you to bite your lip as an attempt to conceal the large amount of glee you were currently experiencing.

“Well none of that matters okay? I’m serious, I don’t date. I’ve never dated anyone. I never used to believe in feelings, emotions and all that lovey dovey bullshit, but now I do and I want to experience it all with you. We will take it at your pace okay? Whatever you want. You need to be vocal about what’s working and what’s not okay? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I just want you to enjoy what’s blossoming between us. I’ll follow your lead okay? Are you hungry? What do you say we get out of here and go get something to eat? Maybe we can go to an arcade and play a couple of games. I don’t want to let you go just yet.”

You nodded vehemently, no longer caring if you seemed overly excited because you were. Your excitement and contentment was through the roof. He giggled at your enthusiasm and abruptly got up, not being able to wait a second longer to go to your next location.

Mark was sure that if anyone were to tell him that he’d be here with you, sharing passionate and fleeting kissing, holding you protectively on his lap, watching the waves crash on to the shore, stealing glances and hearing you laugh at his nonsense jokes, he probably would have punched them in the face in disbelief. The probability of you reciprocating the same feelings that he held for you was almost laughable.

There was no way you, the girl he’s been crushing on for more than half his life—the girl who had every trait and quality he was looking for in a significant other, the girl he was willing to drop all of his friends and stop his toxic ways; the drinking, the smoking and ditching school, none of that mattered to him anymore now that he had you.

Hell, it never really did matter to him and it took you to come in to his life in order for him to realize that all the negative things in his life was his coping mechanism for how shitty the world really was. Since he was always considered “popular” since high school, he never knew anything other than the attention he received on a daily basis and he was afraid of what his world would be like if he were to give that all up. Every moment spent with you—in this last month an a half was the best time he’s had in his twenty-three years on earth.

There was nothing more amazing to him than you, and he was going to make sure nothing was going to get in the way of that. You and Mark made your way to his favorite diner which was also an arcade just ten minutes away from the beach. He raved about their food and claimed that their games were so much better than most of the arcades in the area.

In fact, once you both arrived, there were quite a few people waiting to be seated so he put his name down and brought you upstairs to where all the games were located. His hand sneakily intertwined with yours and you surprised him by squeezing his hand and bringing it up to your lips, placing a kiss behind it. It might have been dim in the arcade, but you could still see the pink on his cheeks from your ministration and it brought warmth to your own cheeks.

“Okay, how about this, if you can win me a toy from the crane machine, I’ll be your girlfriend—“

Before you could even finish your sentence, Mark made a beeline to the two crane machines and took out his game card; swiping it roughly to the point where he had to swipe it a few times since it wasn’t going through.

“Get ready to call me your boyfriend y/n, I’m a professional at this. One time, I brought my nieces here and I won all three of them prizes. You’re mine baby.”

You don’t know what it was; hearing about him talking about his nieces made you smirk—you wondered what kind of uncle he was. Learning more and more about him only sparked your interest in the kind of person he was in front of his family. To his friends, he was this cool play boy that could get anyone he wanted. To the many girls at your school, he was sex on legs and to you, he was this dorky, procrastinating, silly yet patient, courageous, gentle and extremely generous being. It made you wonder what he was like around the people that he loved.

“Is there one you want in particular?”

You began to scan throughout all of the plush dolls. They were all so cute and you didn’t know which one to pick. That was until you saw the mini dumbo figure all the way in the far left corner.

“Dumbo, I want dumbo.”

“Sounds good. I just need a kiss on the lips for good luck.”

You did as you were told, tip-toeing in order to steal a kiss from the corner of his mouth and moved slightly to give him more room. He began to move the control all the way toward the doll and pressed it so that the claw sank down in the bunch of toys. He cockily turned to face you and winked—assuming he picked up the doll. However, his mood was quick to change once you let out a small little giggle.

“Okay, so I didn’t get it. It was only the first try. It takes time y/n but I’m going to get you that damn doll even if it takes me all night to do so.”

Try after try, round after round, Mark failed to pick up dumbo let alone any doll for that matter. You had to cover your mouth to prevent yourself from laughing at his many failed attempts, but you began to look at him in adoration. It was obvious that he really wanted to call you his. Most guys would have given up after the first few tries but here he was on this twenty-fifth time and over thirty dollars later, still trying to capture the doll.

“Mark, hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to get it. I can always buy one at the store, don’t waste your money—“

“It’s not that y/n. I couldn’t care less about how much I spend. I just really want to win. I want to be with you—“

You wrapped your arms around his neck and placed a sloppy kiss on his lips. He didn’t put much effort in to the kiss and you felt it was because he was disappointed in himself for being so confident only to fail miserably. You could only hope that your next words could break him out of his moody funk.

“I’m all yours baby.”

Seeing his award winning smile before he roughly picked you up and swung you around made you return the same expression. You were no longer scared anymore. It might have only been a little over a month since you and Mark began to spend time together, but deep down you knew your heart belonged to the beautiful boy in front of you. He was the one you were willing to give yourself to.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m so happy, I can’t wait to start taking you out on more dates and getting to kiss you all the time. I’m so fucking excited I don’t think you understand just how over the moon I am right now. God, I know I said I would stay here all night but I didn’t think I’d mean it. That game is fucking rigged I call bullshit—“

“Let me try.”

He gave you a look of curiosity but didn’t say anything as he swiped his card and made room for you. You looked on either side of the machine to make sure the claw lined up with dumbo before releasing it. The look of pure shock and jealousy as the claw picked up your plush without effort caused you to let out a loud snicker.

“What the fuck? Okay, yeah this game is definitely rigged how the hell did you do that?”

“What can I say? I’m a professional.”

He caught on to your mocking and pulled you close to him—tickling your sides to get a reaction out of you and to get you to stop gloating. He already felt like a bad boyfriend for not being able to do something so simple. So he felt even worse seeing you get it on your first try. He was really going to need to put more effort in to impressing you.

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I helped you get it there—“

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night—“

“Mark? Hey man, what are you doing here? Oh, y/n, hey! Fancy seeing you guys tonight.”

If only he was facing you, you would have been able to witness how Mark’s face dropped at the sight of his younger friend. It’s as if his blood went cold and his stomach dropped watching Yugyeom walk over to the two of you. In his many years of knowing him, Yugyeom was such a loyal and timid human being.

In fact, he was one of Mark’s favorites within their group. He never caused the older boy trouble in any way and did whatever was asked of him. This entire bet however made him realize that Yugyeom wasn’t exactly who he thought he was. Or he changed in to the person he would have never thought Yugyeom was capable of being.

He’s been trying his best to avoid the younger boy; he no longer attended any of their parties and he snuck away to meet up with you before anyone could find out where he was going. He also hasn’t been responding to his invites or text messages mainly because he was extremely pissed off with himself for agreeing to the bet in the first place. If he had the choice, he wouldn’t have agreed.

That was the old Mark who said yes. The old Mark was the one who wanted to win the bet. The new Mark, your Mark, the Mark that was head over heels in love with you—he no longer wanted any part of that anymore but he was afraid of what Yugyeom was capable of if he did so happen call them entire thing off.

“Hey. Is it just the two of you?” Jackson nodded his head towards Mark and then to you in acknowledgment before Yugyeom shook his head in disagreement.

“Nah, we’re all here. Everyone else is downstairs waiting. Jackson wanted to come see the prizes. We actually invited you, but you didn’t respond so we just assumed you were busy. Are you guys on a date right now?”

For some reason, something didn’t feel right. You never really saw Mark this agitated or tense around his friends. Normally he was always a free spirit around them. He was a happy-go-lucky type of person, so it made you wonder if something happened but you weren’t going to force him to tell you if something in fact did happen between them. He might have been your boyfriend now, but you respected his boundaries.

“We—we um—we just needed a break from studying.”

“Cool! Say, y/n, would it be okay if I stole Mark away for a few minutes. I just have to ask him something. You don’t mind, do you?”

Mark turned to gaze at you and gave you a look that said something on the lines of don’t do it. However, you didn’t want to be rude. A part of you felt bothered that Mark didn’t confirm the fact that you were technically on a date but then again, you wouldn’t want them knowing you and Mark decided to start a relationship. It wasn’t any of your business and you knew shit would be the fan if any of them were to get involved.

“No, go ahead.”

Mark released a frustrated sigh—only loud enough for you to hear and you watched as Yugyeom brought him towards the elevators. You could tell he was probably annoyed with the fact that the two of you were rudely interrupted and even more so because Yugyeom was taking him away from you. Jackson gave you an awkward smile before placing his hands in his pockets.

Just like you did with Mark, you considered Jackson to be pretty attractive back in high school. He was a little more outgoing and outspoken than your boyfriend was. However, you never batted an eye at him much like you didn’t with your boyfriend. In your eyes, the boy standing in front of you was just as much of a fuckboy as you considered Mark to be.

Seeing him so embarrassed in front of you though kind of made you confused. Whether or not he caught on to the fact that you and Mark were a thing—you would have expected a snarky remark but you were left with nothing. As Yugyeom guided Mark to whatever secluded area he was taking him, there were scenarios popping in to his mind.

He was afraid that Yugyeom was going to open his big mouth about the bet and even more afraid that it was going to get you to change the way you looked at him. Mark refused to lose you before the two of you could really do anything together as a couple and he would rather let something bad happen to him than to let Yugyeom get in the way of the relationship that was developing between the two of you.

“Ayyyy, Markie boy. I see you’re practicing early huh. So you guys are a thing? I fucking knew it man, congrats. She’s one of the hottest girls on the entire campus—“

“What do you want Yugyeom?” The arrogant boy put his hands up and feigned innocence, but Mark could tell by his stupid grin that he was up to no good.

“There’s a party at BamBam’s parent’s house on Friday. I know you didn’t forget about our little bet.”

“Look yugyeom, about that—“

“No way, you’re trying to get out of it aren’t you? I never thought I’d see the day where Mark Tuan is willing to give up his reputation for a girl. Not just any girl, sweet y/n. What, is her pussy magical or something? Does she swallow? I get it, she’s beautiful and extremely smart, but what’s so good about her? There must be something else about her that you like. She must be pretty special if she got you to give up your reputation. Maybe I should get a taste of her—“

“You touch her and I fucking end you Kim Yugyeom you hear me?”

This was the first time he’s ever wanted to sock his friend in the face but it wasn’t his fault. Yugyeom knew exactly what he was doing. What was his problem? What had gotten in to him? Why did it seem like the way he was acting went beyond just a simple bet? Hearing him talk about you in such a degrading way made his blood boil. Mark couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he felt in his gut that something wasn’t right.

“Ooooh, I’m so scared. Y/n is too much of a prissy bitch. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that she’s still a virgin. As much as I wouldn’t mind being the one to break her innocence, I like my girls experienced. Listen here Mark, I’d be careful if I were you. I know we’re friends, so you should know me better than anyone. I don’t think she’d be too happy if she found out this was all an act. Should I tell her she’s only worth $100–“

“You’re a fucking asshole you know that?”

Mark tried to think about what he could have done to piss the younger boy off to get him to act this way but he came up short. There was nothing. No legitimate reason as to why Yugyeom was being so hostile towards him. If anything, he was the nicest one out of their group of friends towards him. He gave Yugyeom rides every now and then, he’d buy him food and he was just very generous and kind when it came to him. What could Mark have done for Yugyeom to try and manipulate your relationship?

“Proud of it man. If you know what’s best for you, I’ll see you both at the party on Friday. Enjoy the rest of your night bro.”

What the hell did he get himself in to?

#got7 imagines #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 #got7 mark

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ssajj · 4 years ago

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Alright

You forget to take care of yourself while battling through medical school. Spencer tries to help. 1.6k, f!reader

Warnings: mentions of poor self care, very vague description of fainting.

A/N: literally wrote this in an hour, so I hope it's okay lol

"You're still up?" Spencer asks, opening the door to your shared apartment.

You rise onto your feet, ignoring the black dots that spot your vision. "I thought you weren't getting back for another hour or two," you say, wrapping your arms around him and laying your head on his chest.

He presses a kiss to the top of your head. "JJ got done with the sheriff earlier than she thought. How come you're still up?"

"Homework," you groan.

You're in your second year of medical school, and if you're being honest, it's kicking your ass. Most of your studying is done when your boyfriend is at work. He used to try and help, although you put an end to that. He was just so smart, so quick to memorize the material you've been agonizing over, that sometimes it'd send you into a tailspin. You never wanted to tell him that, though. Not when he was being such a wonderful boyfriend. Lately, he's been worrying too much and usually tries to pull you away from your textbooks and notes. It's terribly hypocritical of him. You're both a lot better at taking care of each other than yourselves.

"It's three in the morning, bub," he chides gently. "Let's go to bed."

Violently, you shake your head. "I have an exam soon!"

"The brain stops working correctly once someone is overtired."

"I know."

"And you're overtired."

You sigh. "I know."

Before you can protest more, he bends a little and sweeps an arm under your knees, using his other arm to wrap around your upper body. You squeal, your arms going around his neck. "When did you get so buff?!"

He laughs, shifting you around so you're settled more comfortably. "I told you, Morgan and JJ keep making me work out with them."

"Remind me to thank them," you say, getting another laugh out of him. It's cliche, you know, but his laugh is your favorite sound in the world.

It doesn't take him long to carry you to the bedroom. Gently, he deposits you on the bed, kissing you again on the forehead. "I'm going to go clean up your books and then come back, okay? Get ready for bed."

You're asleep before he's even out of the room. When he comes back, he pulls the blankets over your body, changes into pajamas, and crawls in after you, pulling your body against him.

When you wake up, it's to the fire alarm going off.

"Everything is fine!" Spencer yells from the kitchen. You blink a few times, adjusting to whatever the hell is happening. Even in your sleepy state, everything does not seem fine.

You get out of bed, putting on your slippers before making your way into the kitchen. There, you can see Spencer batting at a cloud of smoke coming from the stove top. "Spence, what's happening?"

"I burned the eggs," he says, sounding so genuinely upset about it that it confuses you. "I was trying to make you eggs."

You help him clean up the eggs, wincing at just how burnt they are. It's hard to say how Spencer even managed to do that, but you don't mock him for it. He's been worrying about you, so you know he was just trying to make you feel better.

"Come back to bed with me?" You ask, one of his hands in yours.

He's terrible at saying no to you, so he doesn't try. Instead, he follows you, curling against you once you're in bed. Frankly, he's just glad that you want to sleep. "I love you."

"Love you more."

"Impossible."

The next day, he's called away again. You're a little surprised. As chaotic as his schedule is, you usually get him for a few days after a case.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" You tell him, kissing him softly.

He nods. "You too. Please."

"You seem distracted, kid. What's going on?" Morgan asks, sitting next to Spencer on the jet. Even during their debriefing, he only seemed half aware of his surroundings. Morgan didn't understand his brain, not in the intimate way you did, but he had a good idea of how easy it was for Spencer to get lost in his thoughts.

"Hm?" Spencer hums, looking up at Morgan. "Oh. Just thinking about Y/N."

Morgan snorts. "Shocker."

"I'm serious!" Spencer protests. "She's so stressed out about medical school. I'm worried about her not taking care of herself when I'm gone. She just puts an unhealthy amount of pressure on her shoulders."

"That reminds me of someone I know."

Spencer looks confused for a second before catching a look at Morgan's raised eyebrow. "Shut up. I just- I don't know how to help her. I'm gone too often to encourage her to rest, or to put down the textbooks, or tell her that I think she's amazing when I see her doubting her ability."

"She'll be okay," Morgan reassures. "And you'll be able to check in with her once the case is over. For now, though, we need that big brain of yours focused on the case. Okay?"

"Okay."

Back at the apartment, you've spread all of your study materials on the floor, having given up on keeping it contained on the coffee table. Your back is aching and you've been on the verge of tears all day. Focusing is difficult, especially since all you want is for your boyfriend to hold you and make everything better.

But that isn't how you operate, so you take a deep breath and get back to work. By two in the morning, your body feels heavy and your mind feels full. You also forgot to respond to Spencer's nightly text, which just makes a wave of guilt crash into you. It's too late to text him now, so you set a reminder in your phone to text him when you wake up.

This time, Spencer is gone for a week and a half. Four times, you forget to say goodnight to him. Twice, you're so distracted that you don't answer your phone when it rings. Your entire life has become your textbooks, especially after you bomb a pop quiz on Wednesday. That sends you into a downward spiral, one you aren't recovered from by the time your boyfriend comes back.

"How was the case?" You ask him, ignoring the way your mind feels fuzzy. It's probably been too long since you got a proper night's sleep.

He's peering at you. "It was okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Y/N," he sighs, kneeling in front of you where you're sitting on the couch. He's holding your hands. "Please take a break. When's the last time you've been outside?"

You frown. "You hate going outside."

"I prefer to be indoors, but I understand and respect the benefits of spending time outdoors." He pulls you to your feet. Somehow, you don't stumble. "Come on. Let's go walk around the block."

He grabs your shoes for you, and you have to sit down again to put them on. Once you're outside, you do have to admit that the fresh air feels amazing on your face.

"You're really quiet today," you say as you walk.

He nods. "I'm worried about you and I'm not sure how to help."

"You don't need to-"

"Y/N," he interrupts you. "You...you help me all the time. I don't even think you realize how much you help me. You always listen to me when I go off on a topic you probably aren't even interested. And you come up with excellent questions and responses. I feel more comfortable with physical touch than I ever have, because you're always so gentle and kind and respectful of my boundaries. You make me feel good about myself. When something is wrong, all I can think about is how I know seeing you will make me feel better. My mom adores you. But I know you're struggling and I can't-" he cuts himself off, taking a deep breath. "I want to help you the way you help me."

And in a fantastic bit of timing, your vision goes black as you fall to the ground.

You wake up in a hospital bed. "Spencer?"

He startles, rising from where he was slumped over in a chair. "How are you feeling? I need to call a nurse. But. How are you feeling?"

"Tired," you mumble. "What happened?"

"You fainted. The doctors said you were overly exhausted and suffering from mild dehydration." Spencer's tense all over, his hands flexing at his sides.

Ah, shit. You fucked up.

After that, you try harder. You let Spencer help you. When he's gone, he sends you reminders on when to start and stop studying, when to go to sleep, and reminders to drink water. They're all things you already know, but someone checking in on you helps you actually follow through, helping you hold yourself responsible. When he's with you, he peppers you with kisses when he knows you need to relax, picking you up and carrying you around the apartment to make you laugh. Since he has a habit of burning food and you hate cooking, you two get a lot of takeout.

"Hey," you say one day, closing your textbooks and going over to him. "You know how much I love you, right?"

He smiles and buries his face in your hair. "Yeah. And you know I love you too."

Spencer can't fix everything for you, nor can he fix the hell that's med school. But he helps. Knowing he's always here for you helps.

Being loved helps.

#spencer reid fic #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid reader insert #Spencer reid fic #criminal minds fic #criminal minds reader insert #dorothywrites #this might be me projecting but shhhhh

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wehatejulietsimms · 3 years ago

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A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

#submission #anonymous

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enn-tea · 3 years ago

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When I was younger, I used to play otome games, which were and continue to be hilarious for their absurdity e.g. getting transported back to the Warring States period and romancing Oda Nobunaga et al. I’d play these with my friends because of the bad storylines, and frankly questionable love interests and we’d spend all our time literally breaking down how bad these stories were, like jfc please actually do something, protagonist. Also in no way feel obligated to read this because this is just...word vomit for my own personal reference haha. Honestly don’t read this. Maybe one day I’ll turn this into some kind of actual essay about the impact on these games on wider culture or something (after I write about why romance in AOT is fine and everyone’s just reading it wrong and actually Isayama is peak romance writer and should write a massive Mills & Boon franchise around uh...some characters). But anyway.

However, amongst all of these was probably the game with the most generic concept was Wizardess Heart, which was this magic school which the protagonist attended. Over the course of two weeks, she would have to be partnered up with a “buddy” and they would help each other with their magic (they also fell in love over these two weeks LOL and quite honestly her best romantic choice was her roommate, which was never an option :( She was, for a while also the only other female character in the school who actually had a personality).

Anyway, the point is - the setting was clearly a riff on certain franchises, the whole system was super basic...but. These stories had no right to be as good as they were. Or perhaps they had every right. Because from the ones I played, they were...genuinely really interesting. Each storyline was a season, and there were three romanceable characters, who all had their own individual plotlines but...tied into one coherent plot, as either a protagonist or an antagonist, which I still find - kind of revolutionary for an otome game haha (I’m not counting Mystic Messenger bc I actually enjoyed getting to set up a bakery and cult investigation).

But honestly? These were within the universe, believable but also super crazy stories. I only ever played two “seasons” fully, because of the ticket mechanic, but the second one has literally stayed with me in terms of really interesting perspective, and the characters themselves because if the first season was mildly crazy, season two was insane and focused on these three characters: Klaus Goldstein (...no comment lmao, I do hate how he’s the figurehead of the game), Serge Durandal (the best character tbh) and Azusa Kuze (a piece of shit and not in a good way, what are the messages this game is telling us). Each season had a mystery as a premise, and the second one was about mysterious animal deaths occurring around the school.

I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to explain Wizardess Heart comprehensively, but the personal lives of these characters? Was crazy. I loved they all had cameos in each other’s storylines and were so tightly linked. Like you have Klaus who does actually have the least interesting plotline, but a shared tragic backstory with Serge (more on that later, because this is literally peak melodrama lmao). You have Azusa who comes from fantasy Japan in that universe, which has been overrun by nature spirits who are taking over because they think humans are overstepping their boundaries, and Azusa has signed a deal with one of them to bring back his dead brother, and in fact is being manipulated by visions of said brother (and even with that in context, he’s still actual trash for other reasons, and I can’t believe the happy end for his route is to get married and have kids with him EW).

My favourite character in this however was Serge Durandal who is also a premium shit-stirrer but never super maliciously haha (apparently I have a favourite character archetype I’m a fan of). Even now he’s literally the best character because he’s such a passive aggressive individual to Klaus (who deserves it). But their shared backstory cracks me up, is kind of sad and ridiculously absurd because they’re both so fixated on the past. I also personally find his storyline interesting from a character progression viewpoint, because he’s the main character’s idol when she starts at the school, but has mysteriously disappeared.

So basically in Klaus’ storyline, he always references this dead friend he’s hung up over (although the “friend” part is debatable maybe haha) and you help him investigate the dead pigeons. Ofc you then find out that polite, charming Azusa is the antagonist of the season and you have to play through the next routes in order to get a better picture of this. But throughout Klaus’ route, this character called Randy March (unfortunate name lmao) keeps on popping up. He’s funny, doesn’t treat the main character as inconvenience (best friend goals right there) but what’s more interesting is how he’s never in the same room as Klaus; as soon as he hears that he’s approaching, he just...disappears. And this continues for the whole of the story until the end, when they finally meet each other face to face, and Klaus reacts badly. Not quite in an upset way, more shocked - but it’s clear that they have a History.

So - cue “Randy’s” route. He is the same as he is in Klaus’ route, and still dodges bumping into Klaus, but then - then, they bump into each other far earlier in his route (one thing I do like about these stories is how the main character does actually have some impact on the plot. It all follows the same storyline, with the same conclusion, but they do diverge because the character happens to interact with different characters and some things can’t happen if she isn’t there for it). Leading up to this, Randy has been very cagey about being the main character’s “buddy” and insists he already has one, and he really, really gets awkward when the main character states that she really idolises Serge Durandal (who in this is like, IDK good at animal magic like the main character).

And then, my god, the reveal. The fact that Randy March is not, in fact, Randy March, but Serge Durandal (which honestly is such a cool name comparatively lol, I named all my other otome protagonists Serge Durandal). And that Randy March, is in fact, the dead friend of Klaus who Serge has been impersonating for literal years. On top of this? Serge was also a best friend of Randy, who was his “buddy” and leading up to Randy’s death, he and Klaus were involved in a rivalry over his friendship (and I’m not joking I do actually think this was some kind of unvoiced love triangle, because both Serge and Klaus genuinely say that they’re attracted to the main character because she reminds them of Randy, they need to get over this before they can actually engage in a romantic relationship with anyone else kthx. Also at some point, Serge actually says he loved Randy in a way that really can’t be construed as entirely platonic, and the main character says it as well, and considering her personality and the way she interprets things, when she says love - she definitely means romantically).

Klaus holds Serge responsible for Randy’s death, as the two were working on a project together which led directly to it. His first reaction on ever hearing Serge’s name is “the murderer” which continues all the way up until the end of the story when they resolve their character arcs (also incredibly satisfying).

Apparently the reason behind Serge impersonating his dead friend is because he felt so guilty and so ashamed and willingly accepted the blame that Klaus placed on him, he felt that if he became Randy, it would basically be like letting his friend experience the life he didn’t get to have, and he’s spent years searching for a cure to revive him. This has taken him to Hinomoto, where he’s become friends with Azusa (drawing him into the storyline) and back to the main setting of Gedonelune. Side note, Azusa, I’m not going to even go into your character because you’re such a piece of shit and I only played through your storyline because I felt compelled to get the full picture.

Ofc, this all links to the main plot - because at this time of year, there’s a whole thing related to a unicorn appearing in the nearby forest. This is a unicorn who has struck a deal with Serge years prior to the main storyline who is Serge’s last hope of reviving Randy, and Azusa finds out about this and wants to bring his brother back etc. and this all culminates in a massive showdown.

Intense.

Anyway, at the end of this, peace returns etc. and there’s a sequel I haven’t actually played but you know what’s perfect about the ending? Serge ends up staying on as a prefect - the same role as Klaus and they have to share a room. I cannot describe how funny their interactions are for the rest of the story and the other storylines they have to live together.

I’m not entirely sure what the point of this was, apart from an exercise in pinning down precisely what I liked about this story but - it’s certainly one that’s stuck with me through a LOT of otome haha.

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telaraneas · 3 years ago

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I’m sending you an analysis ask!! My ask is… Dave! What I always wonder about dave is how he became such a fan favorite among the young fanbase all those years ago. I feel like my original reading of Dave has been heavily influenced by the fandom activity surrounding him at the time (he was the 2012 hs fandom’s #1 sadboy). As a relative latecomer to the fandom, what were your reactions to Dave? And how do you feel today’s fans view him?

OH BOY DAVE!!!

yeah i remember he was a big fan favorite, because this was one of the things you knew if you just EXISTED in tumblr around 2012, even if you knew nothing about homestuck you jsut saw a billion fanarts of that one kid with the sunglasses. but really, "relatively latecomer" relative nothing, i am a brand new baby fan latest of latecomers and i will happily give you my Dave Experience

i can't speak for how other modern fans view him, but for me personally, honestly i have to say i think i really didn't Get Him until late act6; which isn't to say he wasn't an interesting character before then, but that almost everything interesting about him went over my head on the first read.

i think my issue was partly that i was taking his facade mostly at face value and that i didn't really get WHERE his angst was coming from in the ocassions it popped up. like.. it's not that i bought into the idea that he's this cool ironic guy who doesnt afraid of anything, but i guess mostly his typing style and sense of humor were a bit too true-to-life for what the kind of person who thinks "ironic enjoyment of shitty things, too cool to actually care about anything, troll the shit out of anyone who engages with you honestly" is peak comedy actually speaks like, which made him kind of an unpleasant presence to me at the beginning; knowing he was definitely using that irony to cover up something didn't really help, because that's just universally true of basically everyone who's Like That, and that doesnt make them any less insufferable

the thing about dave strider is that he actually keeps up the disaffected cool kid act for a looooong time, and with so much going on and so many characters and stories to think about, i never spared him as much thought as i could have... until act6 happened, and dave was revealed to be a massive dork, and that SERIOUSLY changed my understanding of him as a character. like it's really hilarious how much his early arc persona totally falls apart when you take away the comfort of text-based communication. the addition of body language and the loss of the fractions of a second to formulate answers REALLY change his dialogue and how he reads as a character in ways that are subtle but were kind of shocking to me when i was reading it

like, for example i never had the patience for his long random tangents in chatlogs because i got the feeling he was doing them because he was just that sure that whatever he was on was THAT witty and funny, or alternatively, NOT that witty or funny, which is why he went on those tangents to be ~ironic~ or whatever, and tbh i have adhd and not enough patience to sit and read his diatribes

eeexcept, late comic dave recontextualizes the HELL out of this by revealing that no, HE KINDA REALLY DOES JUST GO ON TANGENTS FOR NO REASON 100% GENUINELY AND ITS NOT A CALCULATED PSEUDO-IRONIC THING AT ALL which makes his lenghty rambling read VERY differently

that sort of stuff. like, i was fully prepared for the irony to be a cover for someone who does genuinely care about things- but i was NOT prepared for the CONCEPT OF IRONY ITSELF to be basically the only thing about his demeanor that wasn't mostly genuine, whether dave himself realized it or not. dave has been a riot on rereads, hes like a totally different character with hindsight

on the topic of Dave Angst in specific, i have to admit- the whole thing is actually VERY subdued before late act6 unless you're actually looking for it and paying attention to dave as a character; and while i imagine this was a given for many readers at the time, who already liked him as a character and were reading and thinking about each update as it came out, to me as someone blitzing through the comic at a stage where things were starting to get complex, i COMPLETELY missed major moments that inform his problems, philosophy, worldview, fears, and general arc

because of this, a lot of the major moments where dave is actually OBVIOUSLY distressed or upset, left me mostly asking "hold on, what??? where did this come from, what is this about?????". to be fair, even back then i was pretty sure that there WAS something there that must have been set up earlier and i just missed it, but it was still kind of a confusing read. some specific examples: dave getting upset at terezi after the coinflip godtier timeline splitting debacle, his whole disjointed speech about the reluctant hero thing in the first meenah walkaround, his entire conversation with grimbark jade where he just states he's not time traveling again. those moments totally blindsided me on my first read

another moment that completely blindsided me, but which i actually Got on the first read regardless, was the long-awaited striderchat. i did not AT ALL expect the direction that went, but it did a fantastic job at recontextualizing what i had initially just accepted without question as a comically exaggerated videogamey home situation (not that much of a stretch when the final member of the party was raised by a dog in the middle of nowhere), into a traumatic enviroment that informs a lot of WHY dave is the way he is and why he used to think and approach the world the way that he did

other than that, theres a lot of Dave Angst i am still only just untangling on the reread because his anxieties sometimes stem from really esoteric ideas that i couldn't wrap my head around when i was busy trying to keep track of the billion plot threads of act5 which i was reading as fast as possible lol. but like, just earlier today i had the realization that dave's fear of death manifests MUCH more strongly in fear over being responsible over alt versions of him dying, than it does when his actual life is being directly threathened. dave would be susceptible to dumb thought experiments along the line of pascal's mugging, is what i'm saying, much more so than he would be to getting actually mugged.

tldr dave is an interesting character and i like him very much now, but boy did i not Get Him until recently

#sushi original #long post am sorry #do i put this in tags or nah. meh i wont

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nose-bandaid · 4 years ago

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the trees, the grass, the stars

Hi tiny!! I've been reading your stuff... and I love it 🥺 I'm a sucker for royal AUs and the masquerade one with Shinwon was lovely, I was wondering if I could request a Royal AU with Wooseok? I like the idea of rebel prince/princess!! But you can write whatever you like💛💛

Prince!Wooseok x (gender neutral) Reader | royal AU fluff + a little bit of comfort? | 2k words

synopsis: getting engaged to someone you barely knew, getting lost in the forest and tripping over a talking stump. none of it made sense, and yet they all added up to one of the greatest meetings in your life.

a/n: hihi !! @raspberrymuffings this is for you<3 prince wooseok hgngngn i loved writing this, sorry it ended up getting a little emotional, idk that’s just a habit of mine LOL, but i hope you enjoy:)

image from pinterest !!

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Did you mean to get lost? Of course not. You swore you saw something flash in the forest nearby and decided to follow its trail. That was it. A little curiosity never hurt right?

Though it turned into an unintentional adventure when you traveled a little too deep into the woods.

Were you upset that you were lost? Not particularly. Being lost meant that you were away from the party and even better, you had a valid excuse to be absent.

Was it a big deal that you weren't at the party? Perhaps, because the whole purpose was supposed to celebrate your engagement with some prince from a nearby kingdom. The two families had finally decided that they wanted to come together, and they decided that the best way to do that (supposedly) was to have the two heirs married.

But yeah, to you, it was still just a prince from a nearby kingdom because you've literally never met this man before.

Sure, you knew of him. That his name was Jung Wooseok, that his parents frequented your place for dinners. You've seen him milling around the town square sometimes — it's hard not to notice him when he towered over pretty much everyone else. And you’d say he was pretty good looking, if you had to give an answer, though you were usually distracted by the fact that his actions were the embodiment of youth. Last time you saw him, he sprinted by with 10 baguettes in his hands as curious whispers and frightened shouts followed him. They didn’t stop the boy in the slightest bit.

So hopefully this Wooseok was a really good guy, or else you'd had to do some major convincing to get yourself out of the engagement.

But that wasn't the concern right now because you were truly, genuinely, very much lost at the moment. You were certain that you've passed the same tree almost six times by now and all the mossy stumps looked the same.

You’ve never explored the forest on your own before, and now you regretted all the missed opportunities you had to play outside with the other children when you were little. Instead you thought your studies were more important.

You bit back a yelp when you tripped over something and almost face-planted into the tree in front of you.

"Ouch."

That was not your voice. That was most definitely not your voice.

The ground does not talk, the ground does not talk, the ground does not talk.

"The ground does not talk..." You whispered the mantra to yourself and dared to look down.

Your eyes followed the pair of shoes up to the mysterious man's face. His eyes bore right into yours and you finally came to terms that he was, in fact, laying on the ground, white suit and all.

"What?"

"Geez, I really did think that no one would bother me here, but I guess I was wrong." He sighed and rubbed his neck, bending his legs to make more room for you.

"What are you doing on the ground? In the middle of a forest no less?"

He held a hand up and began lazily counting on his fingers. "Resting, relaxing, thinking... sleeping."

You didn't even hear his answer when you scanned his face once more and realized why he seemed so familiar. "Aren't you my fiancé-to-be?"

"I suppose so." He got up, brushing off the leaves that had fallen onto him and you wondered just how long he had been laying on the grass for. He then held a hand for you to take and he bowed. "A pleasure to meet you officially, my name is Wooseok"

"Likewise, I’m y/n." You replied and pondered over your next question before deciding that you didn't have to filter yourself so much in front of him. "Don't you care about your outfit? You have a party to attend."

"I could just get someone to clean it or replace it." He answered nonchalantly without missing a beat.

"So that's what it's like to be rich, huh." You deadpanned. "No pressure to keep an image? Lucky."

"Oh, I'll probably get scolded like hell when I get back, but I couldn't care less about my image. The only time I did was when I had my portrait done. They painted my eyes perfectly, and that's all that matters." Wooseok mentioned that last part haughtily.

"You do have nice eyes...." You admitted quietly, though you quirked your eyebrows at his odd fixation on that specific memory.

"What was that?" He teased way too obviously.

You decided to humour him and repeated, this time a little bit louder. "I said you have nice eyes."

He blushed and you watched him lick his lips in nervousness. It's as if he wasn't expecting you to give in so easily and you took note of that. You could definitely take advantage of his true shyness in the future.

"Th-thanks." He stuttered and you laughed. In the distance, you heard cheers coming from the party and the music started up again. Food must’ve been served.

You looked at Wooseok and tried to break the awkwardness. "I take it that you don’t really want to be here either. How long do you think we have until they come to hunt us down?"

His eyebrows furrowed as he went into deep thought. "28 minutes, on the dot."

You tilted your head. "And how are you so sure?"

He dropped a hand onto your shoulder. "Just trust me on this one."

You pursed your lips but didn't argue with him. "And what should we do during those 28 minutes?"

"I don't know about you, but I don't mind getting to know you better. At least, as much as I can, before our families force us to kiss in front of the crowd or something." He threw that out casually as he stretched (it was the truth, after all), but his voice wavered a little.

"True that..." You replied softly. The atmosphere grew a little awkward again as he kicked around the stones near his feet in silence.

"What were you doing before I tripped over you?" You asked to strike up yet another conversation and he let out a laugh at your question.

"I was looking at the stars."

"The stars?" You echoed as you strained your neck to look at the decorated sky. It wasn't often that you got to be outside at night, much less all alone, and you quickly realized how much you've taken the stars for granted.

They were beautiful.

"Yeah." Wooseok let out a huff as he returned to the ground to lay on his back again. He patted the spot next to him. "Want to join me?"

"Sure..." Your voice dwindled off when you touched the damp grass and then looked down at your outfit. There was no way you're going to get out of this without staining the fabric and you paused at those thoughts. What's a good excuse for a bunch of grass stains on your back? Would a clumsy trip cover it?

Sensing your hesitation, the other sat back up and began taking off the white coat that covered his suit. He then settled it onto the empty spot beside him. "Here, you can use this. I really couldn't care less about the stains, but I know you still got a reputation to hold."

"Unfortunately, I've already lost mine." You heard him quietly add to the side.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." You said.

He was a tall boy, so it made sense that he also had a long coat and you never would’ve thought of the benefits of that fact until today. Though it still wasn't enough to protect your entire outfit, it was sufficient damage control and you reasoned that you'd be able to come up with some kind of excuse for the few, inevitable stains.

For a while, you both laid on the grass in silence, watching the stars and occasionally putting the music history drilled into your minds to the test, naming the new song each time the band at the party switched pieces. The conversation then drifted back to your hobbies and you listened to Wooseok talk about his stargazing again.

He pointed a long finger at the sky and you tried your best to follow his gaze. "That's Aquila over there. Its brightest star is Altair. That one."

"I honestly have no idea which star you're pointing at, but you sure know a lot about stars." You commented lightly.

"I have a friend who loved space." He chuckled. "He always wanted to be an astronaut and wouldn't shut up about it. Then he got caught up in all his 'princely' duties and suddenly disappeared with his studies." He hummed. "I wonder where he is now, probably looking at the sky the same time we are. He always likes to keep his habits a secret."

Your expression softened at his wistful tone. "Maybe one day you could visit his place and see how he's doing? I could come with you if you'd like, keep some company. It could be another adventure, invite him along with us."

"That'd be nice. I think you would be good friends." He clicked his mouth and you waited for him to say more.

"You ever feel like everyone's growing up and you aren't?"

"Definitely." You replied.

"I know I'm immature, that's a well-known fact about me, but it's really because I'm clinging onto the childhood that I feel like I missed out on. All those classes and formalities, looking out the window and watching other kids play — why couldn’t I do those things too? Now that I'm all grown up, I have the freedom to do whatever I want, but suddenly all of my friends have turned into the person I was when I was little. They're grown up and stocked up on responsibilities and it feels like I missed out on my only opportunity to have fun..." He trailed off and cleared his throat.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put that load onto you so suddenly. All this thinking has, well, got me thinking, I guess. And the fact that I'm getting engaged today is a little off-putting, no offence. It's a big responsibility and I worry that I'm too immature to commit to it." He let out a deep breath and waited for your answer.

You never really thought about your life that way until you heard Wooseok put it into that perspective. Perhaps it’s because you’ve always begrudgingly busied yourself with your royal duties, but you suddenly found yourself agreeing to everything he said. The two of you were more similar than you initially thought, now that you've witnessed what's underneath his childish persona.

"If it makes you feel better, I understand what you're saying." You didn’t know why, but you felt the need to whisper. "I couldn't care less for titles, sometimes I wish I could live life as a normal person. Sounds more exciting."

Your conversation was interrupted by someone shouting your name, followed by Wooseok’s. That shout was followed by several more from different voices and you perked up, realizing that they were beginning their search for you. It must've been time for the actual highlight of the party.

Had it already been 28 minutes? That went by faster than you would’ve liked.

"They're finally coming for us." You looked over at Wooseok.

All of the downcast emotions he was pouring out before were absent and a small smile was planted on his face instead. He took one of your hands into his and planted a soft kiss on the back of it.

"How about we run away?" He suddenly suggested, and you choked at his words, not even having the chance to wrap your head around the fact that he kissed you. Even if it was just on the hand.

"You want us to run away?"

"Like not, run away, run away. I'm not going to pull a Romeo and Juliet on us, but we should mess around for a little while longer; get them to chase us." He smirked. "It'll probably give us about an extra five and a half minutes or so."

"You seem to be really confident with your numbers." You responded, hesitantly standing up to return the jacket which he slipped on without a second thought.

He shrugged. "If I sound confident enough, eventually someone will come along and believe me."

"Are you implying something here?" You laughed, appalled at his impudence.

"Maybe." He cheekily smiled and you felt your cheeks heat up. You couldn't tell if it was because of his jab or because he looked quite stunning under the moonlight, hair dishevelled and clothes stained.

The shouts got louder and the music stopped, but you ignored them and continued to laugh.

"Alright then, Sir Wooseok," You held a hand out to help him off the grass.

"Lead the way."

#kdiner #kloveletternet #pentagon #pentagon wooseok #wooseok #jung wooseok #pentagon x reader #wooseok x reader #pentagon fluff #wooseok fluff #pentagon royal au #wooseok royal au #nose-bandaid

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wexhappyxfew · 3 years ago

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i literally choked on my pizza when i saw your writing and analyzing questions post, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!! first of all, what sort of process do you go through when creating characters? what kind of things do you take into consideration when creating them? i’m fascinated because creating characters is far from easy, especially when you’re creating someone like agent mortem! i’m always interested to know what the writer’s thought process was when creating a new character!

okay, so secondly, i wouldn’t say i’m having trouble with keeping all my planning organised and ‘precise’ in a way, but it’s really not easy 😅 i was wondering what kind of processes you go through when planning, whether you have like a specific structure or a set of steps to follow, or if you just kind of roll with it? at the moment when i plan it’s okay and it makes sense, but it’s literally just 4 or 5 pages of really chunky paragraphs which makes it really difficult to pick out the events again when i come to needing the plan to help me. i don’t really know if you do anything different, but if there is any way you know of that i could keep it more organised and easy to follow, that would be great :)

i’ll keep the last ones a little shorter because this ask is already looking veryyy long — what have you enjoyed writing about natia, what struggles have you faced and what have you learned? and basically the same with agent mortem if that’s possible :) i have asked a LOT of questions in this, so don’t feel like you have to answer them all because it will probably take quite a while 😅 anyway, thank you for putting up with my endless questions, and i hope you have a good day <33

ROSE AH HELLO MY FRIEND!!!! <333 sorry ive just gotten to this omg! it’s been sitting here for a little while but i’ve just had so much going on right now and wanted to make sure when i answered that my *full attention* was put on this! (because i’ve been very excited to answer this ESPECIALLY as i see agent mortem questions poking up on here and that just makes me even more hype!!! :D enjoy! <3

Ooooo this is a cool question! I’ve been asked it before but I feel with different characters and such, it always seems to fluctuate for me at least? In the sense, it’s almost never the same process for me in the developmental stages of a character haha! Sometimes I get characteristics first hand, or sometimes a certain scene pops up that just makes the character click and I can build from there, or sometimes, it’s just a last name or a first name that I work with and suddenly have an idea for!

For example, since we’re on the general topic of Landslide, I’ll talk about some things I did when creating specifically Natia. The “Natia” who is currently portrayed in the fic, was not always really like that. Natia initially was not a SOE Agent/Polish Resistance Fighter and instead a Dutch Resistance Member who would meet with Easy in Episode 4. I always sort of knew Natia, in whatever form she was, would meet Easy in Episode 4, but I wasn’t sure how, so the building in the first 17 chapters was the toughest part to come.

I did heavily feel the Polish were underrepresented in terms of the situation of the war along with everything that happened in the Warsaw Uprising and so I felt it was important to see if I could do something with that and that’s really where Natia came into play!

Natia means “hope” essentially and something I really like doing with her character is to parallel or juxtapose different ideas together, to continue on this sort of theme of her being a quite ominous and ambiguous character — you get the general sense of what her morals are, but in certain points it’s questionable. Morally-ambiguous characters have always been fascinating to me, especially female morally-ambiguous characters and so creating Natia in that respect I felt would be interesting to see what I could do!

Something major that I’ve slowly began to take into consideration with characters more and more, is the sort of general theme I want to be present with them — what’s that goal i that they are moving towards in the end and what’s the them surrounding it? For Natia it’s a multitude of things; family, revenge, being silenced, numb, grief, mentor vs protégé, lone wolf etc….the list could truly go on! And with these basic sort of ideas and themes, I can then move on from there and expand.

Why did she want REVENGE? Because the enemy killed her FAMILY, which is extremely important to her, and she wants to feel some sort of REDEMPTION for them.

Why was she BEING SILENCED? Because of the *past* conflict of the HARMFUL MENTOR VS SILENCED PROTÉGÉ situation that occurred between Agent Mortem and herself, where she allowed herself to be silenced by someone who abused the SUDDEN POWER he never had before in his life, ultimately leading to her continued issues of TRUST that she would meet throughout.

Why is she NUMB? Because at a fairly young age she experienced heavy and intense GRIEF that struck unforgivably at a time where it seemed things were safe. To rip something from a character, especially the main character, like FAMILY which is extremely important, you pull at the heart strings and it makes that character move forward on a quest for that in a way, ultimately by the end of the fic. (Basically you up they are least get a semblance of that lost thing, found again by the end)

Why is she a LONE WOLF? Because of the MENTOR VS PROTÉGÉ situation yet again, where she was taught to rely strictly on herself and no one else and so when TRUST and COMPANIONSHIP and TEAMWORK were introduced to her character, she didn’t know how to cope because she had been so desensitized to the ways of Agent Mortem that working back in the morals of family and friends was a challenge in its own respect.

It’s sort of a like a ripple effect if you think about it and that’s what helps me eventually move forward and develop the character arc I want to take place. She’s this way because of this — sort of like cause and effect. It’s really helped me out with major scenes or plot holes that have risen throughout the fic!

AGREED! Writing in general is not an easy feat and now including mind you ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, you’re literally, essentially, creating human beings from scratch and giving them characteristics, a backstory, trauma if you wish, friends and family, people they love, people they hate, morals, standards EVERYTHING! ITS INSANE! AH AND AGENT MORTEM! I’m so very glad that you brought him up, because his creation definitely stemmed directly from the want to experiment with the relationship of failed mentor vs protégé, entirely. I wanted a foil to Natia that was not directly with her all the time. Mortem plays such a MASSIVE role in her story and yet any interactions between the two are either from her mind or from memories and that’s just such a fun way to play around with their dynamic! (I just finished the creation of his backstory and character arc I want him to take and it’s only made me even more excited for what’s to ultimately come for him as well as Natia!)

A song that HEAVILY represents their dynamic is Ghost by Marvin Brooks (2WEI) and I’ll explain why. Even though Mortem is not always inherently *with* Natia, he still is a huge factor of her life, and still heavily controlling many aspects of her life such as recurring memories, reactions, and how she is also conditioned to react to certain things as well. He is essentially a “ghost” who is “haunting” Natia and I feel that’s an interesting take on their connection because they’re two people who clearly had a power struggle and a difference of opinions of multiple things and that just makes it so incredibly interesting to write!

song:

OOOOOO good question!!! So many people have such different ways of approaching story writing and planning and drafting and writing and editing and it’s honestly amazing!! I will say, I’m not an excessive planner or even a real great planner with writing, I never really have, and even as I’ve developed my writing and learned that “it’s okay to slow down”, or “it’s okay to take time for different portions to provide a deeper focus”, I still have not been someone to plan out every bit of my writing.

Reason being is I enjoy seeing where I can take the story in that time and place. Maybe if I’m doing a quick little writing segment and suddenly this idea just appears and hits me, I work it into the fic and it takes it a whole new direction and I end up not being super upset about it because it just…it works! And of course, this is not how other people operate and I have every respect for people who plan and have every detail laid out and figured out and just….completely and utterly planned to the dot. Lile kudos to people who genuinely get the planning all cleaned up before even writing, truly.

I just finalized Agent Mortem’s backstory and where I want his character arc to go and I’ve had him as a character since August of last year LOL! But ya know sometimes, I sit and I think back and go, maybe I wasn’t ready at that time to develop him completely yet because I, the writer, didn’t understand him enough to and I had to write more of him to be able to get a grasp of who he was and his character (and just about everything else!) and that’s okay!!! :)

Going with this idea I just stated above — the 4 or 5 pages of info — KEEP IT MY FRIEND!!! I swear, half the reason ideas even come to me is simply because I just write a big info dump that has all my little ideas somewhere inside and will ALWAYS be there. I recommend maybe taking a day though - away from focusing on writing or editing - and just picking that apart. (That’s what I did the other day and it helped me out MAJORLY! and it was worth it in the end!) Maybe keep the original 4-5 pages and then copy and paste the same thing in another doc so you always have the original!

And then just go through and split ideas apart! If you start reading and see it moving into another realm of headspace of ideas, just press enter and separate the two — you didn’t delete it, it’s still there and still intact! It’s just easier to look at now because instead of two, jumbled and completely different ideas, you now have two paragraphs and portions of text that relate to their own respective idea. It definitely makes it an easier pill to swallow when trying to get yourself organized!!

This really helped me when I was in my beginning stages of figuring out Landslide ESPECIALLY the first 17ish chapter where Natia was not in contact with Easy yet. I’ve explained it before but those chapters are there because we are seeing her final days with the resistance in Warsaw and how she ultimately ends up with Easy PLUS we see who she is as a character by herself and how she is not merely an extension off of Easy, but her own character, her own person. She has her own story and her own morals and ways of going about her life that don’t even relate to Easy. Their paths just happened to cross!! :)

By getting those first 17ish chapters planned, not extreme planning though I will admit, half the scenes were very much thought up on the spot for example like Natia driving to Munich in disguise or the introduction of Zdzich — two very important scenes that show us something about Natia. (1) She’s willing to go to extreme lengths for the people she loves to ensure that in the end they are safe, even if it means sacrificing herself and (2) she has trouble realizing that there are people out there that genuinely care for her, a connection to her ultimate, unruly and upsetting past. And the best part about it is THESE WEREN’T EVEN PLANNED! So sometimes, just let the story take the reigns and your mind and just guide you through it. Sometimes it is for the best :)

If you have your basic ideas and concepts and themes for how you want your fic to eventually go, the scenes for me most of the time just appear I guess when they should. Sometimes even in the times I'm not writing, I sit theorizing and questioning and thinking and developing ideas in my mind and it's a real good exercise, so when you get back to writing, you already know where you want the fic leading in the end!

MAN I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Anytime I can provide some meta or give some insight to Natia who is just one of the best characters I’ve gotten the pleasure of working with, I’ll gladly answer!

The thing I enjoy writing about Natia the most I feel, and I’ll probably always say this, is her complexity — as a writer, her character orders a healthy challenge for me that I gladly have accepted! You don’t know everything about her as a reader and as you read each chapter, that’s how you slowly uncover and discover what she hid about herself to protect herself. There’s so many different aspects of her that I could discuss truly!! (There has been so many parts that I’ve scrapped because I read through and just think “Man this doesn’t seem like Natia!”. She’s tricky sometimes to stake down exactly how she would react because of her past and her trauma and how long she’s been in war, but I just LOVE it!)

Many different aspects of her character though, come from her past and that’s what makes her interesting. I’ve really enjoyed working with the ideology of “Chekov’s Gun”, a writing device that can be used, with how I will mentioned something and it almost might seem out of the blue, yet later it all just makes sense?! When the flashback is revealed or a small portion of her past is finally allowing *light* in. It's a device I've used with Natia that has just really helped to develop her story at the pace I want it to be revealed! :D

For example, the OCEAN is mentioned many times. I make constant reference to the WAVES, the RECESSION of them from time to time, the comparison of the OCEAN both ABOVE and BELOW surface — all of that sorta stuff! For her character, it seems a bit out of place. She’s COLD. She’s NUMB. She’s BROKEN. What does an open body of water consuming at least 70% of the Earth have to do with an OC based in Warsaw, Poland?

This is where the importance of her PAST will play it’s role, as it has a major INFLUENCE on her and her CHARACTER and her MORALS. One of the main reasons the OCEAN is inherently connected to Natia is because of her PAST and one of those main reasons is AGENT MORTEM and her TRAINING, especially WATER training. I can’t comment further on this though as readers have only touched the tip of the iceberg for the use of the OCEAN and it’s IMPORTANCE so far in this fic! (Ask me again about it once this fic is finished up for the most part, unless….by Part 4 readers understand why!)

Natia just remains a character who constantly is developing and changing inside my head - where I want her path to ultimately end up leading by the end of the fic, where I want both her mental head space vs emotional head space should be and etc. So many portions of this fic are dealt specifically on her internal monologue and how she calculates and problem solves from that portion of her sort of *engagement* within the conflict. There never seems to be a dull moment when writing her!

Another thing I really have enjoyed about writing Natia is her clashing personality traits that make her interesting to write in both different scenarios and reactions. She's stubborn yet humble. She's numb and cold but internally extremely caring and giving and filled with these bottled up emotions. She's mentally strong yet she's been through so much and let the war take so much. She never complains about what she's doing, but she's lost nearly everyone she loves. She's a fighter in this war and refuses to back down from a battle she know she can wage, but the second she is pulled from the aspect of war, things crash and burn around her. Just even these few combating sort of things, really show her character and what, through writing, has slowly developed! They always lay around in the back of my mind and it's one of the main things I remind myself when I write Natia all the tme.

I think one of the most important things I've learned from both writing and creating a character like Natia is that (1) it's okay to ask for help, about anything, literally anything. You don't have to confine everything to yourself and build up this immense pressure to do what you must to continue moving forward. It's okay to have people there to help you and support you. (2) It's okay to be strong alone and even if you seem to be the only one on the current path you're are on, it does not mean you are wrong. it can still lead to the right destination in the end!

Oooo okay! AGENT MORTEM!! I am totally down to chat about some things I've loved to write with him with and some challenges I've discovered, but as far as what I've learned from him, I will be holding off and could answer that when the entire fic is both completed and then updated on platforms....just because ;) don't want to give away any spoilers haha! <3

Something I've enjoyed about writing and crafting Agent Mortem is letting him remain as mysterious and secretive as he is for so long. Initially, I can't even begin to recall what his character would be like even a year ago, but seeing where he has developed now, I'm really happy with where he is. He's mysterious, he's shadowed, he seems like a figure in the background, a past mentor who is half deranged and lost his mind with a background with so substance. It makes for such a fascinating way to begin to reveal his past! (something I've began to insert into part 4 of Landslide and man I'm just so HYPE!)

I feel I'm excited simply because he's finally getting the time and moment he deserves to finally explain and show himself as to what has occurred. There's so many fractured and disconnected parts of what is currently going on with Natia and her connection to both Agent Mortem and then Death is tossed in the mix and it seems this big complicated mess of 'how' Agent Mortem got to be this way, 'why' he does a thing such as this, just different and varying aspects such as that. it makes for those big final reveals to all be even more worth it!

He has been quite the challenge though I will admit. There's so many perspectives he could quite possibly be viewed from and his *character* + morals/values could be pulled in a various amount of ways as well. Making sure he accurately comes across the way I want him to both appear and come across to the reader and to myself has definitely been tricky. He's not as easy as suspected, you know, not just a 'dude who had a bad day and went insane in the end', there's a whole multitude of levels and reasons and a deep, heavy and traumatizing background starting from his birth really (which is a whole other story). Managing and balancing that all in one has definitely been something I've had to keep on top of and monitor but I feel has really been worth the challenge in the end. Because at the end of the day, I'm someone looking to constantly challenge myself.

And a good challenge, whether it be writing or academics or a workout, is healthy and GOOD! That's what Landslide in a whole has really shown me, to challenge yourself daily to see where you can push yourself and your imagination and creativity, just to see where you can even go!! it's exciting and refreshing!

Thank you so much for this wonderful ask Rose! I appreciate it more than ANYTHING as you well know, and I know it's taken me *quite* some time to answer, but I've been working on it for weeks now and finally got it out because it was ready! I really wanted to take my time with it and develop it to its full potential in the end and I feel I have (without giving away any spoilers haha!) As always, please know if you have any further questions regarding Natia Filipska, Agent Mortem, Death (along with other characters of Landslide), writing, the process (my own included), tips for writing/planning, or just anything else in general, I will always be happy to help in anyway I can! You're always welcome, anyone always is!!! <3333 Thank you again, I had so much fun doing this more than anything! :D

#writing #writing tips #band of brothers #bob fic #band of brothers fic #also hello landslide day tmr and it’s a good one hehe :d #natia filipska #agent mortem #death (character)#basic aid on characters + writing/planning #plus gathering thoughts #thank you again for this rose! i had so much fun! <3333

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