#i’m going to write one complaining about how cold i am rn

[sirhamburrger]

what is tumblr queue!!! i live life on the edge!!

[kkusuka]

Will I make another request? Yes. Do I feel bad? Also yes. So I really really liked what you wrote for my ✨smooth legs✨ idea (and it was not short at all it was just perfect) so here I am inspired by what you wrote and asking if you could maybe do a “showering with them” and them being obsessed with the smell of your shampoo/shower gel with oikawa suna Tendou and akaashi or kenma (you can pick whoever you like best). This can be either soft or steamy I don’t mind at all😌🤚

tyyy stay gorgeous *blows you a kiss*

don’t feel bad i’m gonna write all my requests anyways so might as well send ‘em all in-

I went with soft and awkward because that’s just the vibe rn

Oikawa Tooru

Hear me out!

This started out pretty innocent!

He got you this really nice body wash set for your birthday, but what he didn't tell you is that of all the ones he smelled this one gave him a hard-on when he thought about you

So he bought it

And when you talked about trying it out he had to help you “test the product”

(you got halfway through him washing your body then he was all over you and had to wash you AGAIN)

And from then, he was whipped

He got you the whole collections, shampoo, and conditioner, all that jazz

Not that after shower cuddling wasn't a thing, but now he takes it seriously

Hair smelling, basking in your soft skin, from the similarly scented sugar scrub that he got you

It's gotten so far that he got some for himself, so when he goes away for a few days he can wash his hair with it

So he can smell you wherever he goes

Or when you’re at work he’ll take a shirt or a bra, or those really hot shorts you wear when you take naps, so he can smell it

(and just saying, he does get angry when you use something else, the petty kind does not rest)

Suna Rintarou

He tried to keep it a secret

You had gotten a new shampoo and tried it out the night before Suna came back from an international game

So when you hugged him and smelled more like an angel than he thought possible, he became like a changed man

Not going to lie, he kinda felt like a creep for a few weeks

He would lean down and just smell your hair

Not subtlety either, he would shove his head right into your hair and give it a whiff, and you didn't stop him so he just kept doing it

Eventually, when he showered he would sniff every single bottle until he found the right one, and once that happened he would jerk to the smell of you every time he showered

But that wasn't enough, so he joined you in the shower

(right after you you washed the shampoo out of your hair he railed you against the wall until the water got cold, so now you two just take baths)

As a joke, you got him the mans version of your shampoo and he gloats about it like a gold metal

He smells like his girl, that’s all he needs

(all he needs to make atsumu feel forever alone, his only goal in life, besides marrying you and having a 10x better wedding than Atsumu)

Tendou Satori

Mans didn't even try to hide it

What use would that be? The smell of your hair gave him a hard-on and he wanted to let you know

He straight-up asks about it and now had four bottles ready for when you need one

When he walks by you in the hallway he’ll grab your head and smell, just to hold him through for a while

He was so enamored by it that he let Ushiwaka smell your hair, and you received a “very nice” from the man

Now he takes pride in his hair washing skills, and that’s about as far as showers with him get

Until you got a body wash that matched

And now he only fucks you before you wash anything, it cuts downtime

He has washed his hair with it for a while but decided that he would just drag you to him when he wanted a whiff

It always smelled better on you anyway, so you're stuck with him for now

Akaashi Keiji

Of course, it smelt good, he got it for you

But the bottle didn't do it justice

Nothing could prepare him for when you ran up to him telling him about your day and smelling that sweet lavender in your hair

And he was done for

He’s been turned into a mess

Every time he gets a smell of your hair, he’s ready to bust

On the bright side, he has gotten more spur of the moment blowjobs than any other point in his life so he isn't one to complain

And he knows you know what it's doing to him

He sees the little smirks and the sneaky invitations to shower

Showers that always lead to both of you soaking wet and dripping water all over the house trying to get to your room

(who designed this stupid apartment its a headache)

So he was really happy when he found a perfume of the same sent, you got a good laugh out of that

It does not stop you from wearing it, only on date nights though, its sacred now

Kenma Kozume

He first smelled it in the early morning before an important meeting

Now he really didn't want to go, not only were you soft but now you smelled like the gates of heaven

So as soon as you went home, he pulled you to the shower and manded which one you used

And he bought an entire crate of it. And some other same scented products

Then demanding kenma came out, you were only to use at least one of these items, it was your scent and he never wanted you smelling of anything else

Unless you smelled like him, then it was ok

Cuddles got longer and his sex drive went through the roof

He talked about it so much that some of his fans sent little bottles of perfume for you, yo which he had you appear on a stream to say thank you

He smiles a lot more too, whether it was the fumes from the shampoo or he loves it that much

Who cares, he was smiley and loved how you smelled

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

I’m keeping a log of my thoughts whilst reading The Half Life of Valery K for the first time because I think it’ll be fun, enjoy (and, of course, beware the spoilers ahead):

- HE’S A NERD YOUR HONOUR HE HAS A LIL PET RAT!!! NAMED BORIS!!! BE STILL MY HEART-

- “…he wasn’t in the habit of looking gift rats in the mouth” MS PULLEY YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN WITH THE LOVABLE WEIRDO

- “…but lately he could feel his mind effervescing” ok Edward Cullen

- so he’s in a cold place losing his memories and forgetting how to think properly…inch resting… my theory brain is working overtime as you can tell (definitely gonna read this one back to myself and cringe at how stupid it sounds but that’s a problem for future me)

- STOP PLS HE GAVE HIS BUNKMATE BORIS TO HOLD BC HE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO BE ALONE THIS SWEET LITTLE MAN

- I am. 2 pages in. And I’m already in love with Valery. Finally, a pulleyverse main character who isn’t a cynical little prick off the bat. Not that I don’t love the others, but I’ve adopted Valery as my son so-

- Wait what’s this fucking tattoo, is it gonna be a good addition to my future pulleyverse sleeve??? (Edit: oh absolutely not that is a real life gang symbolism-)

- I would absolutely make a cigarette out of a cheese ad

- What or who tf is the Vory??? A gang??? A guard system??? Just one guard??? I’m intrigued. This is why Ms. Pulley’s use of paragraph indents is brilliant, because it actually DOES something; most contemporary authors I’ve read do it like every other page and it’s a pet peeve of mine

- Fun fact: my orchestra teacher all throughout high school lived in soviet Russia and served in their military for a while bc it was required by law, but he’s such a sweet guy and I can’t imagine him being as rough and ruthless as these fuckin guards, holy hell-

- WAIT IS VALERY ABOUT TO GO SUPER SAIYAN ON THIS BITCH OH F U C K YEAH

- Oh no he’s just doing mind tricks god damnit. Still, very cool he can keep his composure like that, very much like Joe could, and I really liked that about him so it’ll be cool to see in Valery

- THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE W-

- THEORY BRAIN GOING ABSOLUTELY CRAZY RN!!!

- “But if someone complained about normal life, the overwhelming human instinct was to kick them in the head” if that isn’t me every day at work idk what is-

- I feel like the idea of the world and circumstances making a person “small” (to quote twofs) is a big thing with pulleyverse mc’s but it’s very interesting with Valery bc he seems the most optimistic about it. Idk, it’s just a funky lil thing I noticed, maybe I’ll make another post fleshing out my ideas about all four main characters at some point but for now I’ll leave it there

- Fucking FINALLY, a decent description of the mc off the bat!!! Only took 7 years-

- The specific lack of quotations around “Remember you like doing that, remember how satisfying it is when the ice breaks?” is so fucking interesting, it’s like someone else telling it to him instead of himself that, and it’s an odd place to have a break in the narration style unless it’s purposeful which of course it must be. That is another hallmark of Ms. Pulley’s writing that I just love, the way she can speak and create meaning in the style of the narration, it’s so unique to her works and so so s o fun to read

- Y’know it just dawned on me that Valery is very similar to Linus from The House in the Cerulean Sea

- Ooo chapter titles

- Nice and accurate portrayal of Russian driving skills (from someone who has been cut off while driving on multiple occasions by my Russian orchestra teacher)

- What in the fuckin dystopia is this town-

- Lord knows I am not Grace Carrow’s biggest fan, but her research in ether studies was the precursor to atomic theory, and I’m definitely going to feel like a proud mom if they mention the works of Dr. Carrow at any point in Valery’s research stuff. I have a love-hate relationship with her.

- “…something odd and dead about the lake” INCH. RESTING.

- I’m so intrigued by this dude and his sketchy past and I’m so glad it’s written this way but I’d pay serious money to figure out wtf is going on right this second

- I have a terrible habit of reading the last page of a book when I get antsy — which actually almost caused me to dnf the watchmaker the first time I read it — and I don’t wanna do that but it the urge is there

- Valery…buddy…the first thing you notice about a guy who may or may not kill you is the fact that he’s tall, dark, and handsome??? Really??? Yknow what he’s been in prison for 6 years he deserves it I’m gonna stop shitting on him

- THE LIGHTHOUSE??? I N C H . R E S T I N G .

- This man is autistic I’ve decided

- Pls let Elena and Ilenko be gfs I beg of you Ms. Pulley-

- Valery mathing in his head for a solid page and a half is both adorable and very helpful

- Damn okay Elena I was rooting for you a lil bit but clearly she knows something weird is going on and she’s just being a bitch about it (I’m getting defensive about her being passive aggressive to Valery excuse me)

- Call me crazy but like I’m 95% sure the scientists are also being experimented on. The cheese thing reminded me too much of feeding lab rats for good behaviour.

- I trust tf out of Ilenko now, she’s mean but she’s honest and I like it. Reminds me of Takiko.

- The room is bugged. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Bc they’re being experimented on. There’s no way they’re not.

- SHUT UP BC IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY HANDING OUT MORI’S WATCHES I’M GONNA CRY-

- Shenkov gives me very much Missouri Kite vibes. He clearly knows something more than he’s saying, and likely already has a soft spot for Valery somehow (which I do too but like. I’m reading inside his head so it’s a bit different)

- I’m seriously going to go insane with all the minute references to her other works. Like. It’s totally plausible that someone thinks of Peru first out of every South American country, but is it really a coincidence??? Really??? Especially after tlfop mentioned it so pointedly??? I’m gonna have to start wearing a tinfoil hat at some point.

- The fucking telescope thing I’m going to go nuts-

- Okay back on my comparing the pulleyverse mc’s bullshit, they all have a particular area of observational expertise, and Valery’s seems to be in logistics which is very fun

- Valery’s immediate switch from feeling safe and scared of it to being aware of imminent danger and comfortable with it will never not make me sad

- Why isn’t Ilenko there. Where is my girl.

- Finally in a time period where it’s normal-ish to recognise and call out racist shit hell yeah

- Absolutely love Valery and Shenkov’s dynamic so far, plus the way he interacts with the students is so fucking funny compared to how he interacts with everyone else

- I notice my observations getting less and less frequent the more I get wrapped up in this book, which is impressive considering I’m barely 70 pages in

- Am I crazy or do the radiated mice sound very similar to the people sent to New Bedlam??? Maybe the whole place was built specifically as a quarantine for radiation damage??? Inch. Resting. (definitely not true but a fun theory)

- DAMNIT THEY SHOT MY GIRL!!! FUCK!!! At least Elena is being less of a bitch

- He’s excited about his eyeball jar 🥺🥺🥺 and he is absolutely correct about the medical schools

- Ohoho his devious bastard side is showing now, immaculate

- “He loved children, but he knew he’d never have any” is this bc he’s queer or because of some sad secret medical thing??? Or both???

- …I’m sorry doctor W H O ? ? ? NOT THE FUCKING NAZI BLOOD PURIST WHO PERFORMED HORRIFYING GENETICS TESTS ON CHILDREN??? SURELY NOT??? RIGHT???

- This is…wow…I’m so glad Ms. Pulley made even the obvious bad guy recognise that human experiments and eugenics are inarguably awful but Jesus C h r i s t -

- “…he should not have trusted Shenkov to be above board purely because he thought the man was fascinating” sir you’re going to fall in love with him-

- HHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEMB

- Shenkov…buddy…stop being so incredibly endearing…istg…

- “He was in no state to cope with kindness” :(

- “He was going to have to avoid Shenkov as much as he could, at least until the triple shot had worn off” :((((((((((

- “…felt as though something Artic had come to look at him” ooo inch resting inch resting, very Winter King-esque

- Valery is such a genuinely nice dude who understands the reasons people do science I love him sm

- What is with these tattoos man I need descriptions!!! I wanna know!!!

- STOP PLS HE TELLS JOKES TO THE PEOPLE WHO BUGGED HIS ROOM THAT’S SO CUTE-

- God al-fucking-mighty I love this man. He really said “…don’t you find usually that the people who are most worried about seeming effeminate are the ones with a permanent Friday-evening appointment with a sailor?” I can’t-

- H e l l yeah Shenkov chapter!!! Oh wait no he had his ribs broken oh no-

- Wow there is some brilliant sensory descriptions from Shenkov, which is like. Oddly reminiscent of reading a chapter in Thaniel’s pov. I’m choosing to interpret this as him having sensory issues bc I think it’s fun, but either way it’s fantastic writing

- AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING WINTER KING, WHAT THE F U C K (also Shenkov and his kids are adorable)

- I am a big fan of Ms. Pulley making her female characters tough and morally grey as like a fuck you to the stereotypes but would it kill her to write a female character who isn’t borderline sociopathic??? Would it??? Bc I don’t know many people who can deal with 3 miscarriages, and potentially a fourth, and not feel any specific way about it

- “People think science is all specialists and expensive stuff, but it’s mostly made of kitchen rolls and fridge magnets and we just spray it black when anyone with a news crew turns up” absolutely love that

- Who tf is the medical doctor she seems cool af

- “I’m a funny harmless little science elf, people tell me things” F E L T

- Awweee cute winter-y description of Shenkov but ooo the “bonfires in the forest” thing is sus to me

- I like Nanya, she means business and doesn’t take any shit. T h a t ‘ s a good way to write a strong female character

- OH FUCK THE TRUTH ABOUT ELENA IS COMING OUT!!!

- He really said “I’m gonna be in prison for 10 years. Wanna play hangman?” Absolutely love this fucking nerd

- Oh my god I fucking love the octopus he’s so CUTE!!! And the way Valery just gets him bc he wants to!!! And the way the octopus is so protective of him!!! Ugh I adore him

- “How much more qualified do you want me to be?” GET HIS ASS VALERY!!! I’d pay serious money to see him interact with that phd guy he supposedly annihilated

- “Surely there were things even KGB agents didn’t want to hear.” MY GUY-

- I keep mistyping KGB as LGB and I think that is mildly hilarious

- Valery as a teacher is. Fantastic. Like genuinely such a good teacher. I know Ms. Pulley is a professor herself so I’m sure she’s a fantastic teacher too and that makes me happy

- …I may have misjudge Anna-

- I feel like if a pulleyverse man is going to be married to a woman (for more than like a day at least) she legally has to be the coolest person on the planet

- Oh my fucking g o d the gaslighting from Elena and the director is driving me NUTS

- I KNEW IT!!! I FUCKIN K N E W THOSE RANDOM “VOLCANIC” EXPLOSIONS WERE WEIRD!!! ANNA YOU BRILLIANT BASTARD!!! If she turns out to be a shitty person I WILL be crying myself to sleep

- Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Va-

- Brb putting my fOOT THROUGH THIS BOOK ISTG-

- THE ASYLUM??? UM???

- Very excited to add more to my analysis on asylums from that one post I made a bit ago even though I haven’t read the chapter yet, but I think it’s very cool that she’s adding that element into this book as well

- Every time the Winter King is mentioned/alluded to my ears perk up like a dog

- “My tools of the patriarchy are getting too long.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I got too wrapped up in the rest of it to finish this but final thoughts:

- I fucking. Love Valery. So much. He’s such a sweet little man but also a complete bastard who blows people up and it’s genuinely the best character combination I can think of

- Shenkov is a gentle giant and I would give him my first born in a heartbeat (bc he would take fantastic care of them)

- Sincerely misjudged Anna at first and I regret it sorely, she is perhaps my favourite side character in the whole book

- I love the ending as well, it wraps up in the same way twofs does; could be a happy enough ending, but with enough unfinished business to make a good transition into a sequel, and I would be absolutely thrilled to have a sequel

- All in all, fantastic book, 10/10, will absolutely be recommending it to anyone who will listen

[shingia]

i’m not sure if you’ve gotten this request before (feel free to ignore if u have loll) but could i request how hq boys would help u when ur hungover.... cause i am big time rn LMAO please and thanks <33

✗ HQ BOYS WHEN YOU’RE HUNGOVER ✗

the way i ran to my drafts to start writing this omg 🏃🏻‍♀️ ngl it almost made me miss being hungover <\33 anyways- hope you’ll feel better v soon and are taking care of your poor hungover self 😽

-> timeskip! kita, kuroo, tsukishima, suna, oikawa

-> warnings : mentions of alcohol (for obvious reasons), mentions of throwing up and mentions of food

— KITA

• this man knows how to handle a hangover better than anyone

• he’s a moderate drinker, but his grandmother’s books contain the cure to everything and he’s more than willing to make you benefit from his knowledge

• he will make you drink these three bottles of water, that bowl of tomato soup and that banana milkshake with a tablespoon of honey. dehydration ? he doesn’t know her

• but kita also knows how important it is to not stay in bed all day, so he’ll insist on having you spend at least thirty minutes outside in the fresh air, most probably in your backyard

• you can refuse, of course. but he’ll take away your cuddle privilege immediately, so~ your choice

• also expect a lot a few disapproving looks,,, because as much as he loves to pamper you, he can’t help but remember the dozens of times he told you you’d had enough to drink last night. obviously you didn’t listen

• i think would disapprovingly care : like- lecturing you under his breath as he sprays essential oils on your bedsheets or tests the temperature of the bath water before letting you in

• remember the cuddle privilege i talked about? yeah, that’s going to be your reward at the end of the day for not being stubborn and docilely following his instructions

• with freshly perfumed bedsheets and his natural body warmth, you’re likely to fall asleep in five second tops. but that doesn’t mean he’s going to leave you, quite the contrary. no, this man will continue to take care of you in your sleep

• and by that i mean belly rubs to make sure your nausea is gone when you wake up, or gentle head massages to make your migraine go away. he might even brush your hair so that you won’t wake up with knots

• he doesn’t even expect you to thank him, because « isn’t that what all husbands are supposed to do ? »

— KUROO

• he’s probably hungover too because he had to finish half of your drinks,,, yet it still wasn’t enough to prevent you from waking up with the biggest headache

• in other words : dimmed lights all day. he might not even open the blinds. and to be honest he likes these kind of vibes

• sure, it feels like your brains are about to explode, and every single part of your body is aching (eyelashes included), but it’s cozy and your minds are too fogged to worry about anything other than getting better- so it’s self care and self care only today

• it’s likely that none of you will feel like eating something, but kuroo’s an athlete : he knows better than to skip a meal, especially when you both feel so weak

• so he’ll sacrifice himself and make the grueling effort of leaving the bed to cook you a little something, nothing extravagant but still enough to reinvigorate the two of you

• and since you don’t have anything better to do, you guys decide to watch the videos you took during the party,,, and slowly come to the realization that you have very few memories of what happened

• « is that you dancing on that table ? » you ask him, pointing at the man who is just a second away from tripping on a napkin

• lifting his shorts, kuroo glances at the bruise on the upper part of his thigh : « ohh- well that explains a lot »

• chances are that, because of his built, kuroo will feel better before you. so the true pampering will come later in the evening

• he’s got vitamins, ibuprofens, blankets, and his arms ready for you. you’re in for the deepest sleep of your life

— TSUKISHIMA

• « i told you so »™️

• you would wake up feeling like absolute crap and he would be eyeing you, standing next to the bed with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised : « how are we feeling ? », even though the answer is pretty obvious

• but he knows that sarcasm won’t get him anywhere so he tries to tone it down (try to)

• you might think he’s not going to do much, but as soon as you step out of the shower he forced you to take (even though you were exhausted), you realize that he did do much

• the clothes you wore last night are already in the washing machine, your new ones (most probably his) are neatly folded on your bed, waiting for you, and he’s cooking an anti-hungover meal that he looked up on the internet

• if he has to study while you’re getting some rest in the bedroom he will put reminders on his phone every 15mn to come and check on you

• and he never leaves the room without lifting the covers up to your shoulders to make sure you won’t get cold

• he also wets a towel and gives it to you to place over your eyes if they’re sore

• but as soon as he’s done studying, he joins you in bed with greatest pleasure. and it’s a good thing that tsukki loves comfortable silences, because neither of you feel like saying anything

• you’re just laying there, letting him keep track of time since you’re too busy enjoying being pampered that much

— SUNA

• blackmail material for YEARS (in addition to the videos and pictures he took of you during the party)

• he turns this into a vlog, you could be half-asleep on the couch and hear him talk to the camera from the kitchen like « so here i am making pasta for this lightweight who threw up all night... i’m still waiting for my boyfriend of the year’s award... »

• but really, he’s just being dramatic. deep down he loves to take care of you when you’re hungover because you get much clingier,,, so he allows himself to be clingier too

• as much as he loves to lay down on top of you, the roles are reversed this time. because being crushed by a 6’3 tall man while you’re hungover is probably not a very good idea

• but before these lazy cuddles, he wants to make sure you’re comfortable : so he’ll remove your makeup (if you wore any) and give you his clothes because he knows you like how oversize they are

• so yes, naps and water are definitely the keywords of the day, but tell him once that you crave one specific food and he’ll immediately go get it for you

• he’s also surprisingly careful with any possible headache, so he’ll keep his earphones on while scrolling on his phone to make sure you can rest in complete silence

• however, at some point he will hand you his phone and have you record a video for your future self. something along the lines of : « hi y/n, this is you from the past. i feel like absolute shit right now so please be more reasonable next time... and don’t let rin get more embarrassing pictures of us »

• and you can be sure that he’ll use this video as a threat next time you’re partying. he would just have to point at his phone from the other side of the room and you would understand what he means

— OIKAWA

• he’s not the person to call if you want to be talked out of partying ever again

• because not only does he spend the entire day praising you highly for the way you looked yesterday, but you also realize that he loves your drunk self (as long as he’s here to watch over you)

• he doesn’t mind you complaining because he’s had a few hangovers of his own,, so feel free to whine about your stomachache/headache all you want

• and if you throw up ? it’s ok, he’s got you. and he’s not leaving your side unless you ask him to

• literally, he spends the entire day babying you. you’re feeling too tired to brush your teeth ? no problem, he’ll have you sit on the edge of the bathtub and do it for you

• same goes for washing your hair or getting dressed : there’s nothing he’ll refuse

• if your head doesn’t hurt too much, he’ll offer to watch a stupid tv show in front of which you can fall asleep without missing anything important

• and he’ll make sure to get the right cuddle position right away because he knows you’ll probably fall asleep very quickly and he doesn’t want to wake you up by fidgeting under you

• also: expect many many scalp massages. and his hands are the softest so they feel absolutely divine

• i think oikawa knows a lot about hydration so he’ll probably make you drink something like sugary water to give you a little boost. and if you don’t trust this drink, he’ll try again with another one until you’re completely hydrated

• and as i said, he’s very supportive,, almost too much : « you finished your glass ! i’m proud of you baby! »

taglist : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

[nothinghcppens]

small talk- pietro maximoff

part 2

part 1 here

masterlist

pair: pietro maximoff x female!reader

summary: after being apart of the team of super soldiers that hydra experimented on, y/n was one of the successful experiments and had been released to the world. the winter soldier and the siren had become the most prolific assassin duo in the world. but what happens when they get taken in by the avengers? what happens when she meets a particularly fast superhero with an attitude?

warnings: swearing, mentions of trauma, alcohol, kissing but like only that, minor sexual jokes

a/n: hi !! i just wanted to say thank you so much for all the love and support of part 1 of small talk and bad liar omg <3 i also wanted to add a taglist to future fics so let me know if you want added it! make sure to specify if you want to be added to the marvel or the harry potter one bc i have a harry potter fic in the works rn! also i’m gonna write a part three that’s just cute bc i want to keep writing this character heheh

“wake up!” splash.

the feeling of cold water hitting your face shocked you awake and you sat up with a gasp. trails of blue flashed from beside your bed and out the door, the clang of a bucket hitting the floor. “pietro maximoff. i am going to kill your speedy ass!” you shouted, jumping out of bed. not even caring that you were only in a t-shirt and shorts, you chased after him, following the blue light.

the trails stopped eventually, and so did you. you glanced around, listening for any sign of him. you crept over to one of the couches and grabbed a pillow as a weapon. “where are you?” you called, i’m a sing-song voice.

you walked around the room, “come on, don’t hide from me now.” the faint sound of his breathing was heard along with the dripping water from your hair and t-shirt. you followed the sound of his shallow breaths to the island in the kitchen. you dropped the pillow, climbed up on the island and crawled across it before swung your head over the edge, in front of his. “hey there.

he gasped, “shit.” you flipped your hair back up and sat back on your knees. pietro stood up and turned to face you before bursting into fits of laughter.

“i don’t know what’s funny.” you mumbled, glaring up at him.

“yes you do, you look ridiculous.” he huffed between laughs.

“i won’t look ridiculous when i’m putting a bullet through your head.” you spat.

“calm down, love. it’s only a bit of fun.” he said.

“i was sleeping piet!” you protested. you moved your legs so that they were dangling off the edge.

“okay, i’m sorry. i’m sorry!”

“you better be. i’ll get you back though.”

he stepped forward and leaned his hands on the island, on either side of you. “will you, yeah?”

his head was an inch away from yours, you could feel his breath against your face. you saw his eyes drift from your eyes to your lips and back up again. he leaned in slightly and your breathing quickened. “what’re you doing?” you whispered.

“what do you think i’m doing?” he replied in the same hushed tone.

“something you should’ve done a long time ago.” you leaned in towards him, lips almost touching.

“good morning!” cap announced, walking into the kitchen, looking at his phone. you two broke apart quickly, pietro speeding and grabbing you a glass of orange juice and ten occupying himself by looking at something in the cupboard.

“hey cap.” you croaked, voice uneasy from the nerves coursing through your body. “morning steve.” pietro greeted, closing the cupboard and standing next to you on the counter. steve didn’t look up from his phone and didn’t notice your wet hair and clothes

“how’s our newest recruit?” he asked as he grabbed a mug from one of the shelves.

“steve, i’ve been here for like 6 months!” you complained.

he put the mug in the coffee machine and pressed a few buttons, “and? you’re still the newest.”

“might be the newest but i could still take you down old man.”

“don’t get too cocky kid, i think pietro’s rubbing off on you.”

“ew i’d rather go back to being tortured than be like him.” you joked.

“how dare you! you know you love being around me.”

you made fake gagging noise and steve let out a laugh. he finally turned around and looked at you two for the first time this morning.

“oh- uh y/n? what happened, why are you soaked?” he asked, averting his eyes from you. your eyes widened in realisation that you were wearing little-to-nothing in front of your captain and your t-shirt was clinging to your body.

“pietro is a dick is what happened.” you said, pushing yourself off the table. “if you’ll excuse me, i’ll go make myself decent.”

“you look decent all the time, love!” pietro called after you as you began to leave the kitchen. you swivelled round and flipped him off with both hands before leaving the room.

———

“do you remember when-“ you let out a giggle and pointed at bucky, “when we had to kill those french agents and you-“ another laugh, “you fell over a wall! god i mean because my brain was mush i couldn’t laugh but looking back on it that shit was hilarious!”

you and the team were recalling old missions gone wrong, with the assistance of alcohol obviously, and you were telling a story about you and bucky- much to his dismay.

“i didn’t fall.” he protested, taking a swig from the bottom of beer in his hand.

“so what happened then? did the sidewalk just crumble?” you questioned, laughing loudly. the rest of the team sat observing the interaction, large smiles across all their face. pietro sat to your left with his arm around your shoulder, a drink in his other hand.

“okay. maybe i did fall.” bucky mumbled causing a roar of laughter from everyone. “but, remember how we were running through a forest in, where was it again?-“

“bulgaria.” you said, already knowing where this was going.

“bulgaria! yes. and it was raining so it was super muddy and you got suck in the mud!” he laughed.

“you left me there! i had to drag myself out.” you complained.

“well we had a mission to complete! you would’ve done the same.”

you rolled your eyes, “you’re right. i would have.” you felt pietro laugh from beside you and you smiled at him. “time for a refill.” you announced, pushing yourself up off the sofa. you wandered to the kitchen and took the bottle of wine on the table and poured some into your glass. due to the alcohol already in your system you spilled a little on the counter, “shit.” you muttered.

“need some help there?” pietro asked.

“i can pour wine myself thank you very much.” you retorted.

“i think the table disagrees.” he chuckled.

“shut up.” you groaned. pietro sped from the door to grab a towel and stopped behind you. he reached over your shoulder and wiped the spilled wine up. his breath was hot against your neck. you turned around, wine glass in hand, and looked up into his eyes. his hands remained on either side of you.

“this is the second time we’ve ended up here.” he mumbled.

“good observation, captain obvious.” you teased. pietro rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh.

pietro took his right hand and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, staring into your eyes. he kept his hand on the side of your head and leant in slightly for the second time in the past week. your breathing deepened and your heart was thumping against your chest. you tilted your head up towards his head and your lips were almost touching, just as they were a few days ago

“y/n! can you get me a whiskey before you come back?!” tony called from the other room.

pietro groaned in frustration and pulled away from you, tilting his head up. “i’m going to kill those avengers.”

“good luck with that speedy.” you said, tapping his chest lightly.

he stepped away from you, letting you leave his embrace to get tony a drink. after pouring him a glass of whiskey and grabbing your glass of wine, you and pietro entered the room filled with your team. his hand was placed in the small of your back, guiding you back to the sofa.

you handed tony his drink and he smiled at you, “thanks kid.”

pietro sat on the couch and you flopped down beside him, his arm resuming its place of around your shoulder. you swung your legs up and across pietro’s legs, earning a few looks from nat and clint. they looked at each other and raised their eyebrows with a smirk.

steve and bucky were telling a story of a party they went to in the 40s and how bucky had to drag him to dance with these girls they met. you took a sip of your drink and noticed pietro’s eyes glancing at your lips, “want a sip?” you asked, smirking because you knew that’s not what he was looking at.

he pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek and sighed, “watch it, y/l/n.”

“oooooooh we’re on last name terms now?” you teased, smiling.

“yeah if you keep pissing me off we will be.”

“don’t be so easy to piss off.” you replied.

he leaned over and whispered in your ear, “cant help it. i’m frustrated.”

you pushed out your bottom lip in an overdramatic pout, “boohoo.”

tony then shot forward in his seat and clapped his hands together, “tomorrow you two,” he said, pointing at you and bucky, “are gonna have a little fashion show, i’ve been working on some suits for you guys and i need your input.”

“wait really?” you asked.

“yup. i’m not having you two going on missions in your hydra gear.” he explained.

“shit, thanks tony.” bucky replied.

“where’s my suit?” pietro questioned.

“you’ll get on eventually. your girlfriend is just a little more improtant.”

“i was here first.” he protested.

“girlfriend?” you asked at the same time.

“wait your turn, turbo.” tony said.

pietro scoffed and everyone laughed at the interaction.

nat stretched her arms behind her head and yawned, “alright losers, i’m going to bed.”

“yeah, me too.” clint added.

eventually everyone had made their way upstairs and all that was left was you, tony and pietro.

“okay. what’s going on here?” tony asked, wagging his finger between you guys. pietro’s hand was now resting on your leg which was still across his.

“nothing.” you said.

“uh huh? yeah that bullshit doesn’t work on me kiddo.”

“piet, sure nothing has happened.” you glanced at him and a look of annoyance crossed his face.

“yeah stark. nothings happened.” he replied through gritted teeth.

“well if anything does happen, stay safe.” he winked at you two, “and if you hurt her, speedy, she’ll probably hurt you back worse.”

you laughed, “hell yeah i will.”

“oh i know you will.”

“goodnight .” tony said as he stood up from his chair and left the room.

you swung your legs off pietro and stood up, “well goodnight piet.” a smirk grew across your face as you began to walk away.

“nope.” he stated, grabbing your wrist and turning you back around. he pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him, legs on either side of him. he placed his hand on the back of your neck and pulled your head towards his before crashing your lips onto his.

the kiss was heated, after being denied it twice before. your hands moved from his shoulders to the back of his neck and his moved to your waist. his fingers dug into your hips causing you to moan slightly, he took this opportunity to intertwine his tongue with yours.

eventually you broke apart, both gasping for air. you placed your forehead against his and closed your eyes.

“you don’t understand how long i’ve wanted to do that.” he muttered.

“worth it?” you asked, teasing him.

“nope.” he joked.

you leaned back and glared at him, “you bitch.” you leaned in and kissed him again, running your fingers through his hair and pulling it slightly. he groaned against your lips and you smiled through the kiss, enjoying the effect you had on him.

pulling away for the second time, you both had content smiles on your faces. you leaned your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes, “you’re comfortable.”

he let out a hearty laugh, “thank you?”

“it’s a compliment, i could sit here forever.”

suddenly you were no long sitting on top of him, you were being picked up and whisked through the building. your hair blew around until you stopped and were in your room. “what just happened?”

“i’m tired and the couch didn’t seem good to sleep on.” he explained.

“woah, woah, woah. who said you’re sleeping in my room?”

“i did.” he stated. using his powers he stripped himself down to his underwear and jumped on your bed, under the covers.

“i regret kissing you. you’re a pain in the ass.” you complained.

“and you called me a bitch?!” he exclaimed.

you rolled your eyes and grabbed your pyjamas that were at the foot of your bed and walked to your bathroom.

“where are you going?” he asked.

“getting changed, i don’t want you watching.”

you closed the door to block out his protests and quickly got ready for bed.

“hurry up.” pietro called.

“stop complaining or i’m going to sleep on the couch.” you replied, opening the door and leaning against the doorframe. pietro was sat with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes raked over your body and a small smirk grew on his face. “eyes up here pretty boy.”

he laughed and pulled back the cover before patting the spot next to him, signalling for you to join him. you shuffled over and slid into the bed. pietro wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close.

“so much for the whole tough super soldier act, you’re a softie at heart, aren’t you love?” he muttered in your ear.

“anymore of that and i’ll suffocate you in your sleep with this pillow.” you replied, closing your eyes and relaxed into his embrace.

“no you won’t. you’re too soft.” he teased.

“pietro. i’m warning you.” you yawned, “i don’t care how good looking you are i will kill you.”

“good looking huh?”

“fuck off and go to sleep.” you spat.

“sweet dreams, y/n.” he said with a small laugh.

“yep they won’t be about you.” you murmured, before dozing off to sleep.

———

“i knew it!” nat squealed. you squeezed your eyes close and then opened them, blinking rapidly. pietro lay behind you with his arm draped over your waist. he groaned against your neck and looked over his shoulder at the team standing at the door.

“piet what’s going on?” you grumbled, too tired to sit up and look for yourself.

“so when did this happen?” cap asked.

you finally turned over and sat up, seeing everyone stood in your room. “what the fuck? get out my room you creeps!” you shouted, grabbing the pillow behind your head and throwing it towards them.

“oh come on kid, when did it happen?” he repeated.

“none of your business steve.”

“we’re not leaving until we find out.” clint added.

“you’re awfully quiet little brother, nothing to add?” wanda said.

“i cant believe this.” you muttered, lying back down.

“last night, happy? but all we did was kiss okay, nothing else.” you explained.

“yet.” pietro stated. you elbowed him in the stomach and he winced at the impact.

“so are you two together now?” nat asked.

“well we haven’t had the chance to speak about it because you guys ruined our morning!” you exclaimed.

“what’s going on?” bucky asked, rubbing his eyes. he peered in over everyone and laughed, “nevermind.”

it seemed that pietro had had enough too so he sped out of bed and pushed everyone outside the room, closed the door and locked it. “much better.” he said.

you heard the murmurs of everyone outside, “use a condom!” clint shouted. footsteps retreated from your door as everyone left to go about their day.

“i’m moving out i can’t live here anymore.” you groaned.

“it’s not that bad, you’ve got me.” he said, crawling back onto the bed and lying on top of you. you wrapped your arms around his head and played with his hair.

“so are we like together now?” you asked, mocking natasha’s previously asked question.

“would you like that?” he asked.

“god no.” you joked, “obviously dumbass.”

he lifted his head up and leaned in to kiss you.

“nope. you’ve not brushed your teeth.”

[intoomanyfandomstocount]

Bro there’s something so precious about Malleus and Yuu’s friendship that I think I can finally put into words now. (And it’s not just me projecting I swear hear me out.)

Almost every single interaction Yuu/Mc has with Malleus, has been when Yuu was vulnerable in some way. (At the time I’m writing this, episode 5 has been out for a while.) ep 5 spoilers!! (And the other chapters lol)

So their first meeting. In episode 2. Yuu just spent the day searching for the culprit behind the injuries to no avail. Not only that, they and their buddies got their asses handed to them I. Magift. They take a breather outside, feeling tired from the long day. They’re even pondering about whether or not they’ll be getting home. (It’s one of the dialogue options.)

And then boom, Malleus appears. He doesn’t do anything Expect be like, “crap my abandoned building’s no longer abandoned :(” but he does manage to distract Yuu from their thoughts, albeit unintentionally. Still, it was a strange encounter, which leaves Yuu curious for more.

Despite Ramshackle dorm technically no longer being abandoned, Malleus still visits it again in episode 3. Here, Yuu is even more vulnerable. They are completely alone, worried that they might become homeless because of their deal with Azul. Malleus appears. Yuu calls him by his strange nickname and Malleus laughs. Never expecting anyone to call him that. He asks Yuu what’s wrong. Yuu explains and he listens.

Malleus is worried, although I feel at this point is mainly more because he likes his abandoned buildings. He talks about gargoyles with Yuu. He originally didn’t have any other intentions other than he just liked talking about them. However, once again he managed to distract Yuu from falling to deep into their negative thoughts and unintentionally gave them advice.

After they get the dorm back, Yuu thanks Malleus for the advice, and Malleus is surprised because he never intended it to be advice. He’s surprised this little human managed to outsmart Azul, and is also surprised that he was helpful to them. I think this was the moment that Malleus started to see Yuu as his friend.

At the end of episode 4, he gives us a holiday card. Yuu isn’t vulnerable in this situation, however this was the only gift that they received over the holidays. (Unless you count crowleys feast). He signed the card M.D. He wants to get closer to Yuu, little by little. A part of him probably likes the secrecy of someone not even knowing who his true identity is. But he also wants to be closer with them.

And then episode 5, some of the best malleus x Yuu content we have rn. First off, again with the Malleus appears right when Yuu is about to spiral into negative/confusing thoughts. Before, Yuu was in their room, thinking about Mickey and the mirror. Maybe not negative, but certainly vulnerable to me. They look out the window and see small green lights that looks like fireflies. And they know. They simply know who it is and their first reaction is to go outside to see him.

At this point, Yuu and Malleus see each other as friends. Their presence is enough to cheer the other up (ik its hard to know yuus emotions but do you go out to see someone you hate in the cold of night? No) Malleus smiles when he sees Yuu. Yuu then gives Malleus the VDC ticket and asks if he would go with them.

This moment is huge. Mainly for Malleus. Yuu is one of the very few, if not only people who don’t treat him any different because of his title as prince. And even so, they’re probably the only person Malleus and consider an equal. He has Silver, Sebek and Lilia, and he definitely cares about them. By those relationships have a power dynamic of sorts. With Silver and Sebek serving Malleus, and with Lilia being a parental figure to Malleus. Yuu and Malleus doesn’t have any power dynamic, they are both equals when they are together.

And of course, Malleus barely gets invited to events such as these because everyone’s so intimidated by him. (For good reason but still.) Not to mention that he grew up isolated (see his Birthday SSR) and has grown used to being alone. And yet here is this human, fearlessly inviting him to a concert as a friend. He even asks if they’re performing and is disappointed when he finds out that they’re just the manager. I just find that cute.

And the next day, Lilia comes to Yuu to thank them for inviting them, because of how happy Malleus was. Just...imagine Malleus arriving at the dorms late, holding the VDC ticket in his hand. Sebek probably stayed up late to wait for him and began to scold him, you know Sebek being Sebek. And Malleus just calmly apologizes and goes to his room and Sebek is confusion because Malleus usually is like “you don’t need to complain sm about me, I’m fine” (it’s hard to describe it. He’s not bratty he just wants Sebek to chill lol) but Lilia sees this and noticed the ticket in Malleus’s hand and is like “ho ho ho” like the far dad he is.

That strayed into headcanon/fic territory I’m so sorry.

Anyways, back to canon. Malleus arriving at the VDC stage after the overblot fight. Again, Yuu is vulnerable in some way. In this way, they’re most likely tired from fighting ANOTHER overblot. And then they see Malleus, who arrived two hours earlier, probably bc they really wanted to see Yuu, and they’re so happy! And we know this bc one of the dialogue options is simply “Tsunotaro!” So we know that Yuu was definitely walking up to Malleus with a smile on their face without a care in the world. (And freaking everyone else)

Malleus and Yuu seem to have this ability to rid the presence of any negativity when they’re together. Their presence is enough to sooth each other. Not to mention that even after (finally) realizing Malleus’s true identity, they’re reaction was basically, “holy crap are you serious? Ok.” They are as chill as always.

Yuu is even worried that Malleus wouldn’t want them calling him by his nickname anymore (one of the dialogue options is “am I not allowed to call you Tsunotaro anymore?” But Malleus simply smiles and says “no it’s fine.”

It’s just...the fact that Malleus was most likely worried that Yuu would change the way they acted around Malleus, and that worried just went “poof” in a matter of seconds...it’s just so pure man.

Malleus and Yuu’s relationship really feels like two inexperienced people finding solace and discovering friendship with one another and the beauty that brings. Of course Yuu doesn’t really have a backstory (as they’re mainly there for the player to insert themselves in) and they have Ace, Deuce and friends that they definitely care about. However, this world is still new to them, and their relationships with Ace, Deuce and the other characters are also growing. And with Malleus, well, he’s completely new to friendship like this, and is still learning. He may be hundreds of years old, but he’s still considered a teenager in fae years. (Species age differently, like what that droid said in The Mandolorian)

In conclusion, whether you ship it platonically or romantically or you’re like Leona and hate Malleus’s guts, I want what Malleus and Yuu have. And I am both excited and terrified for what the future brings them.

[sxlver-sweet]

Moots first impression vs. how u feel about them now?

sure, i can do that!! i only did the ones that had a significant impression on me.

@minifuyu

then: would use chifuyu’s—nvm i forgot this is a sfw blog now. sexy brain. big sexy brain. the way she wrote??? idk??? made me a bit intimidated to talk to her but i did it anyway and i’m glad i did <3

now: would use dazai’s *redacted* as ice cream syrup. we’re on the same wavelength when it comes to dilfs oda and we both have a thing for stupid redhead men. 100% would kiss. light of my life and who i now feel comfortable terrorizing. def feel comfortable with. aunt who brings wine to thanksgiving and doesn’t have any kids. would let her hold my drink at a party.

@keimisan

then: sweetheart. absolute baby. a fetus. pretty chill. could potentially vibe with.

now: still a sweetheart. a fetus but old lady at heart ASKCMDKA. admire how emotionally strong she is. we both have cold hands and i just wanna smooch her forehead and take her with me when i run errands she’s so cute adlckdlsla. your writing never fails to impress me.

@nozomiasl

then: saw her blog before she messaged me about bsd, and her theme and overall vibe made her seem a little intimidating😭 but then she hit me up and i was like “oh she’s nice :)”

now: my darling. my sweet girl. so pretty it makes me sweat. down astronomical for her rn honestly. extremely comfortable with her. can talk about virtually anything with her. i think the only person that understands how deep in the bsd fandom i am😭my very first bsd mutual and if i ever lose hee i WILL cry. certified suna simp but i REFUSE to let it bleed over into me. i just—i love her, your honor

@athyathye

then: very cheerful and sincere, kind to everyone on her blog and honestly had the kind of energy i aspire to have

now: cute as a button and one of my biggest supporters <33 she’s still super kind to people and deserves everything good. would throw hands for. checks up on me and make sure i’m okay and i just DMFMDKAKA

@kazutoraloml

then: saw her frequently on my posts and noticed her absence from my notifs bc they just felt strangely empty😭 reached out to her and the energy i received back was immaculate

now: never fails to match my energy. super sweet. someone i can freely bounce ideas off whenever i need to. idk how i know this but i just KNOW she’s sexy. i think it’s the brain. the brain and the energy. ain’t no way in HELL she’s on this app with THESE IDEAS and ISNT pretty asf

@angrysupremacy

then: her theme scratched my brain in the best possible way. had the kind of energy that made me feel comfortable hopping into her inbox.

now: WE DONT TALK AS MUCH ANYMORE AND I MISS YOU SONA :(( screaming back and forth in inbox. excited to send tiktoks to her and receive some in return. appreciates my tiddies. body positivity skcdkskska i miss you.

@semmie

then: vv sweet. very comforting. her whole vibe and even her blog just made me feel safe. felt comfortable with her quickly.

now: i was right. an absolute angel. holds a special place in my heart. one of my very first mutuals and supported me from the very beginning. feel comfortable complaining to her and telling her everything that’s bothering me. one of the first people to stick up for me when i’m dealing with rude anons.

@ilyoimiya

then: chill. idk what it was about her but i dove HEADFIRST into her dms. her theme made me go “ooh👀”

now: she’s MEAN SDKFKDAK (i mean not to me but still😭). i’m her biggest genshin gameplay fan and it’s gonna stay that way. listens to me scream about the missions when i’m sure it gets old after a while skdkfmska. would wrap her up in the biggest, tightest hug and smooch anytime. started me on genshin to begin with. moves blogs every other week stg. cami ily.

@zvies

then: die-hard sanzu simp. that’s it. that’s all😭

now: where i dispose all of my sanzu hcs and edits i find. can count on her for any sanzu hcs and honestly it feels weird whenever i don’t see her on my dash. makes me smile whenever i see her in my inbox. part of the reason i dump all my chuuya thoughts on my blog.

@nameless-shrimp

then: very warm and welcoming. supportive big sister energy. very easy to talk to <3

now: 100% would call her to pick me up from a guy’s house when i don’t feel comfortable. very soothing presence. she’s always in the comments on my posts and her feedback makes me 🥰🥰 pretty girl. would sketch her if i knew how to draw.

@gem1nis

then: like ivy, her writing style lowkey intimidated me😭 it was just so??? good??? hovered around her blog for a while before i reached out to her.

now: we MUST talk more baby i MISS YOU!! scream over angst together in the dms. our minds together are immaculate. share ideas. miss seeing you on my dash :( you’re so so cute i just—all my mutuals are attractive what the fuck. your kokonoi fic made me want to write for him.

@tohokuu

then: too cool for me. when i found you, your theme was so fucking COOL. scared to talk to you at first sdkckdskak. then i found out you wrote for ateez and i spazzed

now: never miss with your themes *chef’s kiss*. super nice, would smooch on the forehead with no hesitation. your wheeze SENDS ME. both equally tired. we’re on the same wavelength abt most topics and i love that for us. same with roo, i know you’re mad attractive. i can FEEL IT.

[random-mha-thoughts]

Baby (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Anon requested: “Hiii!! I jus wanna say ur writing is one of the best I've read so far (and I've read a lot). It's been a while since I've read a oneshot that made me feel tingles (u know why I mean right, it's hard to explain 😅) anyway jus wanna say I love ur writing!! Also, if u don't mind I'd like to request a fluff with bakugou where he gets his wisdom teeth removed and he just becomes the softest thing everrrrr! :) if ur not taking requests rn I dont mind if u skip this one. Adios ;)"

Thanks for the kind words and the request anon! I hope you like it~

Genre: Floof. Pure, plotless floof

Word count: 973

Tags:  @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog @bunnythepipsqueak

a/n: Today was tiring as hell. I got up at 7:30 to study for my exam at 1 pm and I had a 2 hour lecture to go over after that.  I feel like I was studying for a good 10 hours today alone and I was already tired this entire week.  And it's only Wednesday... Which is why I couldn't wait to write this! I was in dire need of some plain, quick, simple, plotless floof, so I’m happy I had this request to fill next.  I hope you guys out there are in a good mental state as the semester is wrapping up, and if not I hope this cheered you up a bit!

Also (I’m a few days late but still) Ramadan Mubarak to my muslim readers/followers!  I wish you an easy fast, willpower, and spirituality in the following month. You got this!  I’ll also try to include NSFR warnings if anyone wants? I know swearing and spicy stuff aren’t allowed, but I’m not 100% sure about the fluffy stuff so let me know!

"This way, Katsuki, let's go."  I gently pull my boyfriend down the street, capturing his arm in mine to balance his wobbly gait.

He mumbles something incoherent and leans into me.  "We going home now?"

"Yup, I already picked up your medication.  Are you keeping that ice pack on your face?"

"Yeeees," he groans.  Katsuki usually hates it when I mother him, but today he really needed it.  Poor guy was scared of having his wisdom teeth removed and didn't trust anyone else to accompany him.  It's kind of endearing, especially since he's become such a giant, clumsy mess now.  "You're becoming my mom."

"Well, you are acting like a lost child right now, who else is gonna take care of you?"  I squeeze his hand reassuringly.

He hums in response before leaning onto me, "I guess I'm really lucky then."  Removing the ice pack, he pokes his cheek.  "Can you kiss it better?"

I blink, completely floored by his request.  I know the anesthesia has its effects on people, but it seems it makes Katsuki way more soft and needy than usual.

Not that I'm complaining.

I stand on my toes and peck his cold cheek.  "Is it better now?"

"Mmm, I'll probably need another dose in an hour," he encircles both of his arms around one of mine, "I'll let you know how the pain is."

Gosh, he's just gonna be adorable for the rest of the day, isn't he?   "Should I drop you home or do you want to rest at my place?"

Katsuki's arms crawl over to envelop my torso from behind.  "Your place, of course," he half giggles, his breath tickling my ear.

I chuckle at his behavior, directing us towards the nearest station.  I'm definitely gonna enjoy this.  A small part of me almost wants to record him, but I'd rather just enjoy these few moments I have of him acting this way.  I'm too nice to embarrass him like that.

Since it's the middle of the day during the week, the station and the train seats are mostly empty.  Katsuki gets comfortable, sprawling his legs across the cold bench and resting his head on my lap.  He keeps one of his hands messily entwined with mine and lets me use my free hand to play with his hair.  I gaze down at him, smiling to myself.  Katsuki being soft and lovable like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Of course I know he loves me already, but to see him without the whole harsh persona is definitely something else.  The blooming warmth stirs me to press a soft kiss on his forehead.  My little Katsu.

He opens his eyes to stare up at me, asking out of the blue, "Do I look or sound weird?"

The childish innocence he asks the question with makes me chuckle.  "Not at all, babe."

His crimson orbs continue boring into mine for a moment, just holding my attention, before he reaches up and brings my head down to kiss his lips.  The motion takes me by surprise since he's not the type to take PDA this far in public.  The heat rushes to my cheeks, and I'm eternally grateful that this car is almost empty, and the few people here with us are busy fiddling with their phones.

"You missed, dummy," Katsuki beams before closing his eyes again.

My heart thumps.  He's so adorable sometimes.  His toothy smile was just the right amount of cute and loving, the rarest smile I've seen only once before.  I want to melt into a puddle and pinch his cheeks

You big dork.  I continue threading my fingers into his hair, the rattling of the train relaxing the tired boy.

.

Once we arrive at my apartment, Katsuki shrugs out of his jacket and shoes and situates himself under my kotatsu, not even bothering to turn it on; he just grabbed one of the long cushions, stuck it under his body, and knocked himself onto his side.  As I'm still removing my outer clothes, he reaches one arm out and makes grabbing motions.  "Babe, come lay with me," he practically whines out.

Is he pouting?  I want to laugh at his needy behavior, but I'll admit I want to cuddle with him too.  After the procedure he's been through and the pain he's going to experience in the next few days, he deserves all the hugs he wants.  Who am I to deny him?  I plug the wire in and turn the switch on before lifting the blanket up and squirming underneath.  Without wasting any time, Katsuki pulls my body flush into his chest, wiggling both of us farther underneath.

The needy boy lets out a satisfied sigh as the blanket starts heating up.  His head pulls back to look down at me, hooded scarlet eyes trying not to close as they brim with affection.  "You're my favorite."  His thumb at my cheek softly rubs at my skin.

I close my eyes and nuzzle his hand.  "Your favorite what?"

"Anything and everything."  He plants a kiss on top of my head.  "You're just my favorite thing."

Despite the fresh wave of warm tingles humming through me, I tease him, "So I'm a thing now?"

Instead of groaning like he would under normal circumstances, he crushes me closer to his body.  "Yeah, you're my teddy bear now, and you're not going anywhere for the rest of the day."

"But what if it gets really hot under here, Katsu?"

"Nope, you're still staying," he shakes his head like a stubborn kid, his voice already drooping into sleep before he yawns.  "You have to cuddle all my pain away."

As if I need a reason to cuddle you all day, silly.  My hand pats his back in a steady rhythm.  "Whatever you say, my baby Katsu."

[thebellekeys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[fanfictin]

Liz flicks through the Clone Wars for interactions between favourite disaster dad/brother and anger child and also maybe his ‘snippy?’ padawan

1-2

“Anakin, where are you?” said in the most long-suffering voice as obiwan holos anakin and ahsoka in their ship not following orders

1-3

“I hope you know what you’re doing, anakin” “Well, if I don’t, I won’t be around to hear the I told you so�� “That’s reassuring...”

1-4

Subtly has never been one of your strong points, Anakin.

Everything I know, I learned from you, Master.

(why does obiwan keep saluting every time he runs from grevious)

You know we have GUNS. You can shoot back ANY TIME. -Anakin

(anakin still calling obiwan Master gives me life)

(also disaster gang really do call each other by Snips and Skyguy, huh)

1-5

“Still here, Anakin? When was the last time you slept?” (FUCK yes,, my favourite trope) [...] “Since then, he vanished.” “Well, unlike you, maybe he’s getting some much-needed rest” (the SASS. the CARE.)

1-6

“Suicide is not the jedi way, Master” asgfgdhkslfhsdalafl out of context that’s hysterical

(anyway none of these episodes are connected i have no idea what the fuck is happening or just happened at any point)

FINALLY some hurt/comfort. the classic “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and blackout. nice.

awwwww ahsoshka trying to cheer up anakin and anakin just “you can’t replace r2″ i mean he’s right

Ahsoka has a green saber!! bless. love that.

1-7

Rex IS calling Ahsoka ‘Sir’. love it.

“Where’s R2 when i need him” awww ani

okay Grevious’ bodyguards are WAY harder to kill than that,, do you know how many times i have done that level in lego starwars,, I--

“Besides, R2 is more than a droid. He’s a friend.” 0,.0

1-11

ObiWan and Anakin their typical -anakin from the ceiling- anakin: oh it’s you obiwan: This is how you thank me for rescuing you? and THEN-- How am I supposed to become a jedi master if I’m getting caught all the time At least you’re a master of getting caught HYSTERICAL

it’s just Them on a mission. much love. i’m crey. they work so well together. “Why do I even try” that’s the obi wan exasperated abt his padawan that i know and love. crey.

BICKERING WHILE THEY CRASH LAND A SHIP. LOVE.

rock fall!! oh they’re fine. okay well the banter is pretty good and brief panic. 

Anakin, when I tell you to run, Run. Master! You’re alive! And where is your lightsaber? It got knocked out of my hand. By a rock? Yeah. By a rock. You know what would be helpful? A little light. Certainly. -obiwans lightsaber doesn’t work- Silly thing. It was working just a minute ago. You don’t suppose it was hit... by a rock, do you? -obiwan dramatically points a finger and is abt to give his padawan a piece of his mind-

Anaking running away while Obwan is chill,, perfect. ObiWan helps at just the right time. they use the force together to put it down. PERFEDCT.

They get poison gassed and ahsoka rescues them and they just say it was fine I LOVE IT OH MY GOSH DISASTER TRIO

oh my gosh they knew the drinks were poisoned or whatever and switched them and they look so SMUG abt it--

okay write it down, 1-11 absolute favourite 

1-12

okay never mind, they were drugged and wake up together caught. typical.

obiwan holding anger anakin back from yelling at count dooku. amazing.

“Do control your protege’s insolence so I can concentrate” “Anakin.” “WHAT” “Control your insolence. The count is concentrating” THE SASS

oh my gosh a very unusual trio. Dooku just like “I would kill you both rn if i didn’t have to drag your bodies” not bc they’re his enemies but bc of the banter and sass

getting electrocuted then immediately breaking each others bonds and fighting back. yes.

1-13

heck yes. anakin saving everyone and getting hurt himself? ahsoka going back for him? fuck yes. my shit.

so anakin does get hurt. badly. and WHY did i not find this on tumblr?? also,, ahsoka calling him anakin when he’s unconscious? fuck yes.

“I’ve certainly perfected the art of demolishing ships and getting my master killed” oh ahsoka you did so well dear one. she loves her master so much.

Rex does call ahsoka ‘kid’. i love.

the weak person just abt waking up and trying to get up bc danger and the one watching over him being worried and defending him? another favourite trope.

1-14

ooooo a straight up continuation. nice. anakin “you’re still too injured to move” oh the drama

an injury CONTINUING to impeded a character afterwards?? whoa. anakin rlly is the chosen one.

oooo stealth mission, this is exactly how i play a stealth thing like this!

LIGHTSABER GO WOOSH WOOSH BUZZ

1-15

snow time. pls let anakin complain abt the snow. someone get cold. pls. that’s all i ask. but either way, it’s anakin and obiwan mission time together again!

summary: that guy was dumb and i’m glad he died

1-16

anakin smashing several windows to get to obiwan in another tower. yes.

“How did YOU get over here” “I improvised”

1-17

“You seem a bit on edge” [...] “So yes, I’m a bit on edge!! Why aren’t you?” “I’m better at hiding it.” eyyyy

THEY WERE TALKING ON THE COMMS AND THEY JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER IN A CROSS CORRIDOR and ahsoka just like “Master?”

disaster gang stop a virus and they’re all fine. ..good for them.. i gues.. just kidding, i love them

obiwan trying to calm anakin down abt padme and ahsoka but also knowing that anakin is rlly worried

“You just destroyed 17 defenseless battle driods without suffering a scratch” “18 actually”

1-18

“It was a trap Snips. It wasn’t your fault.” “Take heart, little one. That’s the reality of command” oh anakin you’re almost a good master

1-22

anakin gave his lightsaber to padme as a joke and now he’s trying to fight eithout it lol

he got shocked out and caught lol and padme is like hm can i show affection for an unconscious jedi without ppl thihnking hes my husband

“Please Ani. Wake up” wakes up like okay anyway let’s leave

.

okay it’s gone midnight and i have work and uni interview tomorrow,, that’s s1

[watch-grok-brainrot]

ah hey! snowbunny again, and this time it's 6am where i live so yeah. i'd probably pick mandarin? it would make watching cdramas so much easier i think, and just in general? a year or so back i probably would've picked russian, my father had to learn russian when he was a kid and he still speaks it partly, one of my close friends family is from russia too, so i could speak it with her too. but rn? mandarin would probably the one i'd like to be fluent in.

the cql ost is currently 80% of my comfort playlist, though one of my mutuals and i (more like me and she just has to suffer through it and i enjoy making her cry) are making a wangxian playlist! it wasn't meant to be as angsty as everything turned out to be so far, but i'm not complaining. except for like one song everything is in english, the other song is in german actually and we're not sure if it categories as angst or happy. the acoustic version makes the song sound incredibly sad, the lyrics is somewhere between sad and happy, basically between "you make me happy" and "why did it have to be this way in the first place?". if you want to be specific, the song talks about the other person lifting a burden from your heart "freed it, revived it" is one of the lines, and.... it's a great song but 🤧🤧🤧 then there are these lines "[i] was stuck and didn't know what to do / and you took hammer and chisel / made an artwork* out of my cold heart" (ig to make it flow better you could say "made a masterpiece out of my cold heart" but he says "Kunstwerk" eng. artwork). idk the whole lyrics flows better in german but if you want to listen to it (i prefer the acoustic) it's Betonherz by Wincent Weiss (Cement-heart).

Today idk what to ask so: what are your favorite mutuals/the ones you interact with the most? was there anything you wanted to do this year but couldn't? a random fun fact over tea maybe? (btw i drunk tea this week and it was uhmmm mint tea? i think? and black tea but i can't say more about that tbh)

ahhh wait!!! if we include fantasy languages i'd like to speak quenya 😌😌 or sindarin, that would be okay too - ❄🐇

You did send me asks! Sorry i’m bad at responding. 

mandarin is pretty handy. i will vouch for that. i listened to erha audiodrama on maoer FM today while i was cooking. it was delightful. i had to google the languages you sent in. i know nothing of lotr. but @phoenixrisesoncemore is good with lotr. does neat art. loves untamed. great tea friend. so i would probably reach out to her! :D

cql ost is a lot of what i’ve listened to this year too. i’m really digging teh “I will take you life” song from Ever Night though. It’s so perfectly chipper. I come from so and so place, i’m here to take you life. I just giggle every time i hear it. a little morbid, but alas. Also, the end theme of ever night is cute and chipper too. and the words are really nice. I also LOVE the opening theme of love and redemption. it makes me think of some 80s rock ballad or something. and the words “Even if i drank the waters of wangchuan, I will not fail to meet you again” is really romantic. 

Uh... in case you don’t know what wangchuan is, it’s the river that make you forget your past life before reincarnation. so it’s a pretty intense promise IMO. I really dig that idea... maybe it’s because i read erha and wife is first back to back and now i’m all on board with the idea of “if i get a second chance i won’t fuck it up”. 

oh god. the two mutuals I talk to the most are definitely @needtherapy and @merelhyn. if i go more than 24 hrs without hearing from them i feel weird. I really wanna go on a trip post pandemic to visit merelhyn and spend a day drinking tea with her. and i really want needtherapy to visit me so i can make her crawl through the bowels of the place where i got married -- it’s a weird modern art, industrial playground space filled with mosaics and concrete and ironwork sculptures. it is actually that cool. but you can’t really wear nice clothes there. i’ve ripped holes in shirts before. AND it has a circus school inside. it’s the place of litte haoppo’s dreams. I also talk to lots of other people i didn’t mention (e.g. members of mdzsnet and other friends of mine) but that’s just because i am an extrovert and i talk to people. i like talking to people. and there are SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE on tumblr. but the two i listed are people who i swapped irl phone numbers with so they get listed as special. i’m drawing my line here or i would probably end up writing a page of people who i adore and that might get annoying :/

random fun fact over tea snowbunny says. random fun fact over tea... uh... i saw @yumingyesfairy‘s previous url and asked if “duchess of orange” was a reference to “duke of orange” which is where we get the tea grading “orange pekoe”. i was correct! and made a tea friend! :D

you are by no means obligated to know tea or even care about tea. i just love it and love sharing about it. because someone isn’t actually good at compartmentalizing. 

how is your week going? <3

[xazz]

Moth Wings 2

Pairing: AltMal, Altair+Desmond  Rating: Explicit  Tags: vampires, romance, servant AU, music AU, Insect wings (but no bugs of any sort), fluff, angst, flangst  Status: WIP

And more vampire AU! Malik shows up... next chapter I wanna say? But if you want Malik rn you can subscribe to my patreon. There to can read the full like 17k of this AU I’ve written so far. See my blog page on how to get to my patreon. Patreon also only has two chapters... but they’re long. They’re so long. And next chapter is going to get saucyyyyyyyy

———

He only woke because his stomach hurt.

He groaned, pushing himself up. His stomach hurt and complained loudly. He was famished. He crawled out of bed and in the dark put on some clean clothes before leaving the closet. He checked behind the heavy drapes over the windows. It was nearly sunset. He’d slept all night and day. He wasn’t surprised.

His growling stomach made him leave the castle. There was no food for him here. They only kept livestock for drinking in the castle. The castle itself sat in the shadow of a mountain and at the bottom of the mountain was a town. They all knew vampires lived up there and it was better than any human lord they’d ever had. The coven didn’t hunt in the valley. All the town had to do was provide them with amusement at night. Festivals, fairies, music, plays, singing and dancing, and, of course, taxes. But Altair had heard about other towns, beyond the valley, that also had to pay taxes, and it was almost all people had. No. The masters might not have always been kind to Altair but it was far better than the alternative. They never actually threatened to eat him. They just scared him telling him about the humans in the cellar. And he wasn’t even sure that was true.

He was from the town at the bottom of the hill. It was called Castlesong. He’d been born there, lived there his entire life. Then a year and a half ago the Matron had come looking for a strong, abled, young man of sound mind and able to follow instructions. He’d been ‘volunteered’, against his will, by his neighbors. He knew it was because he was ‘too pretty’ they always said. Too distracting to their wives, daughters, and even sons.

He hadn’t even done anything. He’d been the son of the town’s violin maker for goodness sake!

It wasn’t so late the pub was closed yet. He went in and sat alone. The maid came and he ordered something to eat for now and a few pies to eat cold later, and a big mug of ale. He waited, picked at stuff under his nails he’d missed from last night, and was happy when the food was brought. He stuffed himself and washed it all down with the light ale until he was tired again. It was still light out. And he had to wait for his pies. He ended up dozing in the booth. The maid woke him, made him pay, and then rather nicely kicked him out with a basket of pies for his trouble.

Yes. Of course they didn’t want the coven’s ‘pet human’ around longer than necessary.

He trudged back up the mountain to the castle. He could hear the coven inside, laughing and talking loudly. He slipped past the dining hall as he went down to the kitchen. The coven was enjoying breakfast of cups of blood. It looked like they were drinking wine.

Altair put his pies into a cool box in the kitchen for when he got hungry later. Then he went back upstairs. Meals were always short for the coven. They all had a cup of blood and then went about their business. The master was always last to leave. He waited until the others except the master and mistress were gone before presenting himself, looking down at the floor. “Master.”

“Ah, Altair. Good good, you’re here. Perfect timing.”

“Is this really so, William dear?” the Matron asked.

“My love, when was the last time you raised a child?”

“And instead a human shall?”

“For a little while. Our other children turned out fine, dove,” Altair heard the master pat the mistress’ hand gently. “But the first years are so tedious. And it’s better this way. You know that. Gets them acclimated to being around humans and they’re less likely to break away.” The mistress made a noise of complaint but said nothing. “Altair, at last the task you were brought here for is upon you.”

“Yes, master,” he said.

“Our new son, Desmond, will need constant care. Day and night. That is now your responsibility. The only task you will not have is his feedings. As our son he will have real blood.”

“And I’m not allowed in the cellar,” Altair said.

“Absolutely not,” the master agreed. “But he should need feeding only one or two more times more than us. If such a time comes I’ve already spoken to the coven they are to assist you without complaint in ensuring my son is fed. If they do not comply you are to come to me immediately and inform me. Understand?”

“Yes, master.”

The child was then thrust at him. “If you mess up, Altair. You will be the first live meal I’ve had in decades,” the mistress hissed.

He swallowed. “I don’t wish to disappoint, mistress,” he said, holding the child to him. “And… Desmond, you said his name was?”

“Yes. Desmond,” the master said.

“I will keep him close, master, mistress,” he bowed.

“See that you do,” the Matron sneered.

“Come, Desmond, let’s go find your room,” he said and left the dining room.

It was easy to find the babe’s room. He had been told of it several times while he was a chrysalis. It was a cheerful room, painted pink and yellow and full of soft things, both fluffy and perfect for biting. They’d all been gifts from the towns in the valley for the lord and lady’s new child. More toys than a little boy could ever want or play with in a lifetime. Though perhaps vampire children lasted longer as children than human children. The chrysalis had been there a fair amount of time before Altair had been brought to the castle.

He put the babe on the floor and got out some toys for him to play with. Brightly colored blocks painted on the side with letters and scenes of the valley. “Blocks, Desmond. See,” and he started stacking them. Desmond watched him but didn’t understand at first. Altair sighed and leaned back on his arm and just kept boredly stacking the blocks into pyramids and towers and knocking them over. Desmond couldn’t stand or walk but he could sit up on his own. And he just sat there watching Altair with wide black eyes, amazed at what he was doing. After a few builds Desmond leaned forward and knocked over the tower Altair had made. “See, you can do it too,” Altair said. He offered Desmond a block. He took it but just dropped it. Altair sighed. Right. That was too much to hope for. He was hatched yesterday. His wings were still against his back, limp and useless along his spine.

Altair spent the rest of the early evening playing with blocks with Desmond and talking to him softly. Around midnight he took Desmond to go for his midnight feed with the rest of the coven. He gave him over to the mistress and retreated down into the kitchen to have his pies. Up in the dining room he heard the vampires cooing and awwing over the baby, laughing and talking loudly about how cute and funny he was.

Altair just ate his pies and thought about what he was going to do. Who knew how long he’d be here taking care of Desmond. He needed to have a plan. At least so he didn’t go crazy. He was expected to care for this child and… teach it? Maybe? He wasn’t quite sure. At the very least probably teach him to talk and walk and run and play.

He put his pie down half eaten and put it back in the cool box. He slunk out of the kitchen and unseen past the dining room where the coven was making a big uproar about something their newest member was doing. He went to his closet of a room and grabbed his sketchbook and pencils and left them in Desmond’s room. He returned to stand outside the dining room until the coven had all otherwise left. The Matron walked out and he looked down. He just wordlessly held out his hands. Desmond was placed into them and she walked away.

“Your mother is a nice lady,” Altair told Desmond sarcastically. Desmond just stared at him. He took Desmond back to his room and they played with the blocks some more before Desmond laid down on the floor to sleep. Altair quickly transferred him to his bed. If one of the others saw him letting the child sleep on the floor he didn’t want to think of what would happen.

Once the boy was asleep Altair pulled out the sketchbook but didn’t draw. Rather he started writing. All the ideas he could think of that wouldn’t make him go insane in the years to come. Things that a little boy of a lord should know. “What am I going to do?” he asked himself, rubbing his forehead. He’d come up with ideas but. He was just the son of a craftsman! What did he know about raising a lord’s son?!

Well at the very least he could teach Desmond to be kind. That’d be a start. Kinder than the rest of the coven. Maybe even give a shit about humans. At least a little. That, if nothing else, seemed like a good place to start. He could manage that.

[jeyned]

heya everyone ! i wrote a really long intro / backstory which i’ve linked below, but in case you’re lazy like me i’ve also put a little tl;dr under the cut with the cliffs notes. there’s also a bunch of plot ideas in case anyone is interested ! like this, drop me and IM, or message me on discord ( do you like yuice ?#6373 ) if you want to plot !

⤷ the courts offer bread and salt to jeyne whent née lannister of house whent. many say that the twenty - seven year old ruling lady of harrenhal is known to be lively and insightful, though ill tongues whisper that she is condescending and selfish when her name is uttered , one is reminded of a pretty smile hiding bloodied teeth; the hiss and raised hackles of a cat that thinks itself a lion; a languid and velvety darkness; heartbeat made of war drums. may she be blessed and protected in this war of crowns. ( fc: caitlin stasey )

full backstory   /   statistics page   /   development tag .

              trigger warnings for ; death & murder, illness, forced marriage, misogyny & misogynistic slurs (1), war.

basics.

name.  jeyne whent née lannister. nicknames.  the little lioness. age.  twenty-seven. traits.  + clever, intrepid, lively, protective, insightful, tasteful.          - hypocritical, cruel, condescending, proud, selfish, spiteful. titles.  ruling lady of harrenhal, heir apparent to lannisport. loyalty.  [ lana del rey vc ] money, power, and glory. also the starks of winterfell, i guess.

tl ; dr .

jeyne is the youngest child and only daughter of the lord of lannisport and his wife. well - raised, courtesied, if admittedly spoiled. even as a little girl she plays pretend at being a king. her father teaches her what words like wartime and loyalty and ambition mean ; the sacrifices she must make for their family name, for gold and glory.

the ironborn raids come to the shores of the westerlands and both her brothers are sent to fight. the younger dies first ; there is no body to bury. her mother falls ill with something they can only call grief.

jeyne is married not long after, a rose in bloom at nineteen. when she first hears, she weeps and begs and rages. her father reminds her of her duty, of the joy it would bring her ailing mother. jeyne knows then what must be done, and plans.

when her first husband dies just shy of two years into their marriage, jeyne is irreproachable. he dies in winter, already ill ; goes to sleep coughing and doesn’t wake up. jeyne isn’t even in the castle when it happens, although unfounded rumors fly of witchery and murder. 

nine months pass, and she plays the part of mourning widow exceptionally well. it helps her mummer’s farce that news comes from the war : her remaining brother is dead now too, and her mother’s health is failing. without her brothers, she’s the ostensible heir to lannisport ; her father’s displeasure with this is made quite clear to her. he even suggests she isn’t his ; bearing too many of her mother’s features, not enough of his.

she is remarried quickly to lord lucas whent, without a fraction of the pomp and circumstance of her first wedding ; now a widow, with a reputation tarnished by unproven but incessant whispers, the newest match is rushed, necessary but insignificant. she doesn’t cry or beg this time, just goes coldly.

she hates him before she even meets him, hates the harrenhal the moment she sets eyes on it, hates the cold and the rain and the gloom of the castle and its people. spends all her considerable energies complaining and making life generally miserable for anyone around. 

word arrives that her mother has died ; her father remarries quickly in the hopes of a new male heir, and draws in his nephews and nieces. weighing his options. jeyne prays to the stranger to take them all. 

she resents the lot of them ; her father for using and betraying her, her brother and mothers for leaving her, the ironborn for killing her brothers, the starks for suing for peace and making their deaths worthless, her husband merely for existing. mostly, though, she resents herself, not clever enough to find a way out of the cages she’s been locked in.

plots.

enemies.  the very best plot type and you cannot convince me otherwise. gimme intimately plotted hate-your-guts-smile-to-your-face frenemies who overthink everything the other says and press each others buttons incessantly. gimme ‘our houses have fought each other and i blame your family for this or that’. gimme petty jealousies and annoyances and people too much like her for them to get along. gimme people who think she’s a traitorous, murdering bastard and a whore to boot, and aren’t even wrong to think so.

close friends.  i don’t imagine she has a lot of these ; those not deterred by her reputation often are dissuaded by her personality. still i love the idea of her having a few lords or ladies with whom she gets along quite well, the kind of people you only need to meet briefly to know you understand each other. can be from pretty much anywhere ; stuck at harrenhal i imagine jeyne to be an avid letter-writer. 

cousins.  i’m also considering sending in a wc for this, but gimme all the family plots ! could be paternal cousins, potential contenders for inheriting lannisport, & probably childhood companions. could also be maternal cousins ! i listed her mom as being a westerling but i’m more than happy to change that to another house for plot reasons, it doesn’t really matter ! her father could’ve also had sisters who married into other houses, there’s lots of options.

failed betrothals.  i can imagine her father made a lot of offers, both when she was first getting married and after she was widowed. and i can imagine a lot of reasons why someone might reject that ; she’s a lannister, she’s not .... great as a person and her reputation isn’t phenomenal either. after the death of her first husband, too, i can imagine her prospects were pretty slim. still, the lannisters are ambitious and would have sought out as good as match as they could have. 

family of her late husband.  yea, i specifically didn’t pick a house for her first husband to be from because i wanted to leave ‘em open for other applicants but also because i wanted to leave it open in case it’s a plot anyone would like to take up ! most of the story around that is also very vague so as to fit with pretty much any ideas/plots someone has going on. would be really fun, tho ; possibly they can even have been co-conspirators and this person inherited jeyne’s late husband’s title and lands ? or they absolutely hate jeyne and think she’s a murderer which .... she very well might be.

sister in law.  the widow of jeyne’s older brother, irwyn ; i hc that they had a daughter but tbh that’s just flavor text and i am open to changing pretty much anything i’ve got going on. i may send in a wc for this at some point too ? anyway, whether she stayed at lannisport or returned to her family home or anything, idk. seems like an unlikely connection to get picked up but it’s definitely out there if it happens to fit for someone.

brothers’ connections.  again kind of vague ? would probably work best for men from the northern kingdom who may have known them or trained with them, or else fought alongside them against the ironborn. could also be ladies with pretty much any kind of attachment to either of them idk ; jeyne doesn’t have a whole lot of family left so this is my way of trying to have connections thru her family anyway.

childhood friends.  idk how many characters from the westerlands there are around rn, but bring them to me pls. would love some childhood friends for jeyne ; whether they fell out of touch, or still write each other monthly letters. them being a ward at lannisport, or jeyne being a ward at theirs for a time is also a neat option ! 

allies.  not quite friends, but potential partners whose ambitions align with hers. she has connections to the wealth of lannisport and the might and strategic position of harrenhal ( though harrenhal is truly weaker than she’d ever admit ) and honestly would support just about anyone if it meant she got lannisport. she’s power hungry what can i say ? 

former flings / secret lovers.  firstly these can be of any gender as jeyne is ... peak evil bisexual tbh. yes i’m queercoding my villain and i think that’s very sexy of me. these are also just pretty vague ideas, and absolutely do not need to be particularly romantic ; they could have had a more lengthy affair or just hooked up at a wedding or a tourney or something. 

travellers.  both lannisport and harrenhal are pretty common places to pass through. on a sea journey on the western coast one is likely to stop by lannisport, and harrenhal stands practically at the center of westeros, which is a fun opportunity for jeyne & your muse to have met even if they live very far way or are unlikely to have met in other ways ! especially considering harrenhal’s size it’s a good stop over for travellers with a larger retinue. idk i just want an excuse to plot with everyone.

[howlingmoonrise]

Thoughts on Petshop of Horrors: Wandering Ark volume 3

(crossposted from dreamwidth)

me realizing a whole-ass 25 pages of the last volume of the papa series are just sensei's travel logs:

what did i do to deserve this, honestly? sensei i love you and all but THERE WERE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO COVER ABOUT PAPA. AND YOU DIDN'T TOUCH THEM. AT ALL.

To start with, there's only two actual chapters in the volume, keeping in line with the previous volumes. A whooping total of 103 pages out of a 128 page manga - except, a good portion of one of them is pretty much just rehashing the events of the last volume of the original manga, so it's not exactly like they're overflowing with juicy new content. Vesca and Victor fans will be pleased at a new glimpse of them both though, with emphasis on Vesca. 

Oh, you wanted an explanation for the ark? For why Papa was going around supposedly through "space and time", with a reason other than "well, I wanted to draw stuff from other eras but I don't want to write a whole new manga with a D from back then"? There's none. N-O-N-E. Zilch. Zip. Nada. Niente. Nothing about his relationship with Sofu (though they do briefly meet on Victor's funeral - and wow, am I surprised Sofu deigned to show considering how much he loves humankind), nothing about D or Papa's relationship with him beyond an outsider's point of view on the events of the last manga, nothing about the D species in general or glimpses at previous Ds that were likely alive before our D came into being.

Another bad point: what the hell was up with the cover art? 

The top portion of it is fine, but why does the rest of it look like whoever painted it forgot how to shade things? Look at that belt. Look at those sleeves. That's all I have to say on this subject.

On to the chapters themselves!

--

First chapter:

Papa D helps with The Bachelor. No, really. It's literally a Bachelor-style show, recorded for TV, with one single man and twenty ladies competing to become his wife. Trigger warning for almost-rape in this chapter.

I'll be honest, I liked the main character for this chapter. She's a go-getter, and a survivalist, and prefers stuffing her face with food instead of flirting away the night. Honestly? Mood. I really liked the butler too. I was going on a "oh, is he going to be the actual love interest?" line of thought since he looked interesting, and then went "nah, they're not focusing on him at all beyond that one (1) scene where they were dancing, guess he's just a side character after all", only for him to actually turn out to be the final love interest. That was. Hm. To say that it was majorly underdeveloped is to put it lightly, but the "prince" wasn't great either. The attempted rape felt as if it was shoved in because they were running out of pages though, since the rest of what we saw from his personality seemed a lot mellower than that.  

The ?prostitutes? were an unexpected bright spot, even though they only showed up for a couple of panels, but it was nice that they gave her food (however dismissively) and tried to get the other guy to leave her alone, and that they were simply described as "beautiful" instead of anything else.

OH BUT. Papa hitting the would-be rapist over the head with an oar was great, it actually gave a bit more dimension to him since the Ds are usually so unwilling to dirty their own hands when it comes to violent business: at most they would usually let their pets do the work for them.

Which actually brings me to another question.

I've already said before that Papa is at most a side character on his own series, and that he actually barely gets involved at all apart from a few nudges here and there - but it's kind of jarring that he almost never "sells" a pet in this series. On all volumes including this one, there are only two chapters where he gives away a pet that was already with him and that didn't initially belong to someone else that he was just returning: the dogs from the Austria chapter, and the bird from Empress one (who was actually said to be given by Sofu, but I'm calling bullshit since he had long hair and this is supposedly a time-travelling ark). It's definitely a weird choice for a manga whose title is, quite literally, "Petshop of Horrors".

Also, for a FLYING ark there sure seem to be a lot of water-related incidents.

Thoughts on the family thing down on the general thoughts section. Also, WHY IS IT AN OAR AGAIN? WHERE DID THE BUTLER FIND AN OAR, SINCE IT SEEMED LIKE IT WASN'T PAPA LENDING IT TO HIM? I can't say the penguin thing was a huge twist considering previous chapters, but it makes me wonder that so many of Papa's stories are directly about either humans or animals, but rarely the conjunction of both apart from brief exceptions. 

--

Second chapter: Nice callback to the original PSoH on the first page: I'm extremely fond of that description of the Ds, and it's fitting for a final chapter of a PSoH series. 

This chapter is a cameo for Victor (from the Sofu series which I haven't read yet but know some things about), and a full appearance for Vesca. Victor seems to have chosen the same path as Leon, though arguably he'd actually have the money for it since he's a baron. Travelling the world following rumours and sightings, in search of someone they considered to be dear to them? Sign all three of these blonds up, because it seems to be a tradition at this point. The Ds really have a type, huh? Truth be told, from what I heard of Victor I didn't think he'd be the adventure-seeking sort, so this was a bit of a surprise. He looks cute and happy piloting planes and running from rhinos so I guess that's all that matters though.

BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE POOR. He looks like a huge cinnamon roll so I feel super bad for him, I bet they all resented the money he spent trying to chase Sofu D across the globe once the Great Depression hit :/  

And then, bam! Sofu cameo. This is the chapter where EVERYONE gets a cameo, copy-paste of the last chapter of OG PSoH or otherwise. He's cryptic as usual, and I REALLY didn't expect him to remember Victor's name, much less show up to his funeral. Not that he even looks like he's grieving; he pretty much only speaks of Hitler and Eva Braun's kirin, to Papa's seemingly frowning disapproval (I haven't complained about the round art style on this volume's commentary yet so consider this to be it: the only reason why Papa even looks put out is because he has a Very Clear Frowny Line, because otherwise he just looks normal... and round). 

And then finally, some actual Papa content! Or, er, Vesca content. Both. Let's go with both. I don't want to make myself sad thinking about how little we saw of Papa on his own series. Here we see once again mentions of extinction and of resurrecting species, and finally a throwback to why the ark is an ark: "Noah's Ark". It took me RNS' translations of OG PSoH to understand the reference back on the original, because on Tokyopop's mangled translation the ark is merely a flying boat. 

It's nice to see that Vesca has a strong sense of justice similar to my dear boy Leon Orcot, since it was a bit iffy on the original manga. He's righteous (and right!) about the other Professor using Papa's research, and how Papa should have the benefits of it for himself since he was the one doing the studies. Papa, however, cares little about money or glory: even now his focus is on recovering the blind bird species from their trip to Greece (see: Shin PSoH), and here we see once again his hopeful view that one day he may be able to help them see again. Parallel to his own family much? Honestly, I feel for him.

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE SHOOTING PAPA? At this point he's trying to reach for Leon's record - and failing, because Leon gets shot and mauled a frankly unholy amount of times during the original PSoH, so no one else can ever really compare. What really breaks my heart here is that he actually asks why. Sofu and D would both have simply taken it for granted, but Papa (seemingly, up until this point) doesn't automatically assume the worst of every human being he comes across. That pained why kills me a little bit, here, and soon after he grows cold and allows the more murderous side of that contract to go loose.

That page with Vesca going into the FBI really throws me back to the panels on the original PSoH right before/right when Leon decides to chase after D. Part of the background is blank, the other part a faint image of the city and Chinatown, with a sense of detachment associated with them. I could probably take the time to place them side by side and compare fully, but uh. I may or may not be stretching my workday bedtime a little too much to finish writing this, oops.

Also, an echo to the original PSoH with Papa's death, called back with him nearly being shot in the middle of the forehead. The actual event is brought in shortly after Vesca gets to mind-rant about the Ds and his search for a few pages, and then flashback flashforward time! A whole six pages which are just portions of OG PSoH's last chapter redrawn from another angle. It's implied that Vesca was able to board the ark like Leon did due to a similar scene with lying in the clouds and sighting the ship amidst them, though whether he was able to stay or not is a whole new story. This is where the actual story ends.

--

Sensei's travel logs: I'm not going to bother going into these. It was nice to see some glimpses of my son (forever a Leon stan here!) and a cameo for Taizuu also showed up a little later on if you're one of the people who liked him (personally, I would trade Taizuu in for a cornchip and a ball of lint). I'm going to make the executive choice of pretending that the D/Leon bits are what's actually happening right now after Leon caught up to D. It's lovely to see them on vacations, and Leon has mellowed out a little bit while D seems extremely comfortable and content with his favourite ex-detective's presence =v=

--

General thoughts: All the series so far seem to have some sort of theme, which kind of ties into the main character of it and their own arc. The original PSoH, for one, was focused a lot on family and greed and love and desire: our D, similarly, had plenty of unresolved issues surrounding his bloodline and things that he wanted but that he couldn't/was not allowed to have because of that very blood.

You'll have to forgive me if my interpretation of Shin is spotty since I only read around half of it (online scans only went up to volume 6 or so, physical versions of the Tokyopop translations were discontinued, and ruthlessnightsscans started scanlating it after I’d already read the available chapters for Shin), but from what I remember of it it seemed to bring in softer, more loving and lighthearted stories, usually tied around romance and being kept apart from things they want/love. The two non-Leon chapters that immediately spring to mind are the Romeo and Juliet Mafia AU, and the one where the lady got pregnant from her dead husband and was able to live on due to that renewed hope. D himself seems to have turned a new page: he hangs around humans on his leisure time (bless those drag queens), takes a vested interest in happy endings for others even if not for himself, and seems overall less inclined towards gruesome murder.

(You'll have to forgive me, but I actually haven't read the Sofu series at all yet so I can't analyse that one. I wasn't even aware RNS had scanlated it until recently, but then again I hold a lot of rage against that slimy bastard (Sofu, not RNS, RNS are baby) and so I'm putting it off indefinitely. Oops?)

And then there's this one. It's probably no coincidence that so many of the stories are about reproduction and birth and continuing a dying species: this is something that chases Papa all the way from his college days not even considering his childhood, which we don't actually don't know about but can make an educated guess at down to his issues with his son and the faint madness of his last years. Even his death plays into this theme, with it ultimately working as an way to keep the D line alive. It makes me think that Papa being kept from his position as a main character in his own series might actually be somewhat purposeful, though the decaying quality of the latest PSoH mangas makes me think this is not the case. I'll have to read the Sofu series to make a better judgement on this, depending on whether or not Sofu is or is not treated similarly. 

Another theme: being haunted by the dead. I think this is actually present on almost every chapter of the Wandering Ark series, though we may disagree on the levels on which it was shown and how easily it is or is not divorced by my previous point. A reader that reads this series on its own will likely find Papa a very bland character and will not grasp onto the nuances of these themes and how they are connected to him, IMO. These conclusions and these hypothesis are drawn by virtue of the first manga alone; it's because of it that we're aware of how Papa himself lives for the species who are long gone, his own kind included. Most of the characters on Wandering Ark push through the suffering and the sorrow of their dead to go beyond their limits and become greater and independent, which is another parallel to Papa since he's the only one of the Ds who has an objective beyond simple (and inefficient) vengeance.

Overall, there's little else I can say that I haven't said already, either here or on my previous post for the first two volumes of the Wandering Ark series. There's a real sense of isolation and detachment on Papa's side (though he seems more benevolent than the other two Ds were), but as I said I'm not sure if it's meant to be purposeful or not, though Sensei's choice to not give him an actual companion thorough his series is also telling. The pacing was also better than in the first chapters of this series, though there was that issue with the ending of the first chapter of this volume. I also still can't say this enough, but it's really strange that Papa is such a side character on his own series??

Final thoughts: we were robbed.

At least Sensei hinted that her journey with the Ds might not be over yet, though if we get another Sofu manga I can and I will riot.

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

Do you have any headcanons for any asian characters in hetalia?

Thanks for the ask anon!

The Asians (as a group and individually) have my heart so you can expect a lot of headcanons for them. I’ve posted a list of China headcanons here (scroll down and you’ll find them eventually), but I’ll probably put new ones in this ask too. Anyway:

- All the Asians love to take food pictures! I know this is a “fashionable thing” to do all over the world nowadays, but I feel like the Asian countries are like the epitome of food pictures. Taiwan, HK, Japan, South Korea, and maybe Macau would do this the most. They’d probably run a joint social media account just for food pictures (as well as food selfies, since they’re all super photogenic). I also think they might compete with each other to take the best pictures, and have people vote on whose is the best?? 

Also just imagine China cooking the food for them and then all the young’uns crowding around the plate taking pictures for a long time, after 5 minutes they hear China yell “Hey! The food’s going to get cold if you don’t start EATING!” *mutters “Sheesh, they’re too phone addicted”*

- A lot of people headcanon Yao/China as the boomer of the Asians (and in general), and make him like an old man not knowing how to use a phone and everything. But… literally, real China has so much social media and internet stuff, like they’ve literally almost phased out using cash because everyone just pays for stuff using WeChat on their phones… like literally, this stuff is way ahead of America’s cash rn, so I think China would be able to absorb his people’s phone/internet prowess and not be so “boomer-y” like everyone thinks?? I have to admit that the boomer China situation would be pretty funny but I just don’t think it’s very realistic?

- Ok this part is just a rant about South Korea. WHy in the worLd does he need to be all perverted???? Like why is he so obsessed with people’s body parts/breasts???? Like what, why can you not make him a normal person who is a tech savvy enthusiastic photogenic Asian who is definitely a nerdy jock (if those exist) instead of some random groper??? Ok anyway, I’ve got no idea what’s up with canon SK but I think he’d be like the Denmark in the asians? Very excitable, friendly, and overall gives off cool vibes. Also I think he just pretends to be dumb sometimes to make people laugh, but can read the mood pretty well even if people don’t think he can. He’s also pretty smart and good with technology, and can strike up conversations with a lot of people really quickly (this also leads to him getting a lot of connections if it’s in a Human AU) Overall, I think modern day SK’s got his heart in the right place, he just might mess up a few times.

- Ancient Times: the Asians in history are kinda complicated, because a) HK, Taiwan, and Macau are pretty much irrelevant right now, b) I am clueless about Southeast Asian history so idk what Thailand and Vietnam are doing at that time, and c) China, Japan, and Korea weren’t exactly friends all the time (and they weren’t really friends from WWI to the Korean War). Also to complicate stuff, Korea had three kingdoms: Goguryeo, Baekje, and Silla; Silla apparently took over the other two later (with the help of the Chinese Tang dynasty) and became Unified Korea, and then the Korean War happened and it split again. So, idk what’s up with them (canon makes it more complicated because China took in Japan, I assume he would’ve taken Korea or the 3 kingdoms in as well because there’s a lot of shared history/trade/alliances between those three). There’s a lot of backstabbing and wars and stuff, some between China and Japan, some between China and Korea vs Japan, some between Korea and Japan, etc. If the countries were physically kids, I guess you could reason it out that they were just small bastards who were really rowdy and liked to fight, but I think that at least China would have been in his late teens/early 20s, and he took in Japan before most of the wars, so maybe that’s just Japan being a rebellious kid? Idk man East Asian history is complicated

- I think the young’uns are all fans of something (I think Japan and HK and maybe Taiwan are anime/manga fans, and SK likes his kpop idols) and they always get China to come along with them resignedly, to a convention or concert or whatever. But let’s be real, he hates on the others’ stuff but watches his own tv dramas just fine (although he hates the characters’ decisions a lot and rants a lot too)

- They get so competitive during sports! Especially at big things like the Olympics, or any international ____ competition (like swimming or something with lots of events). I think everybody would roast China for always failing soccer at FIFA (mens or womens) even if they themselves didn’t get in (usually Japan and Korea qualify, and they might even make it to like round of 8 or something). Other events, they’d just root for their own team and possibly make bets as to who’s going to win.

- I don’t know why China doesn’t have glasses in his design because literally so many people are nearsighted!!! (me included hhh) but idk I guess an explanation is he used to wear them and then was teased by his kids for being an old grandpa so he got contacts instead or something

- And because of genetics or something I think HK and Taiwan would also have nearsightedness but (I think in Taiwan at least) the trend is to get laser eye surgery, so I think both of them would’ve gotten it so they could keep looking cOoL (or something)

- All of them like TEA of some kind. Japan and China prefer to stick with the normal tea (brewed with tea leaves and stuff) but Taiwan loves bubble tea, and HK and Korea prefer iced tea more? But I think they’d all be able to switch between different types and not complain (except China, the old man)

- If China forgot he had a meeting scheduled and on that day, he invited all the others to his house, I think he’d begrudgingly put Japan in charge and leave, but I think Japan would let the others do whatever they want (he lowkey loves pranking China) and by the time China is back the house would either be wrecked or they’d went through all his stuff and now have a hoard of private things to ask him. China would throw them all out and then somehow find a way to get back at Japan

- I read a headcanon somewhere that they all think their own cooking is the best, and that would be very funny to write, but I think at dinners and stuff they’d all bring their favorite dish and just share, because nostalgia, sometimes they just feel like eating stuff that reminds them of their past or when they were at ____’s house (eg. Japan and Korea with Chinese food, Taiwan with Japanese food, etc.)

- Lots of family arguing and mutual pranks

- Lots and lots of low and high key roasts and lots of sarcasm (especially from the older ones). 

Taiwan: “How do you think this dress looks?” 

China: “Like you took fashion advice as bad as England’s cooking”

Japan: “I hate to say this, but China is 100% on point.”

Taiwan: D:

- Disapproval of clothing! China arguing at his kids that their clothes are too unconservative or show too much skin or something, and his kids arguing back that he dresses like he blindly picked out clothes without opening his eyes

OK yeah that’s it thanks for listening if you made it down here! I was originally intending to include Thailand and Macau and Vietnam but then realized I have next to nothing for them so… I’m sorry if you wanted some about them! Take my humblest apologies. Anyway, you probably noticed the Asians have my heart and definitely ask for more if you want! I’d never deny the chance to think about what dumb stuff they’d do lol

[q-u-a-c-k]

rant that you can just skip over 😂 it's just detailed intrusive thoughts. and I'm continuing to rant about literally everything that goes through my brain so I am here writing this and not acting on thoughts or being stupid.

okay so this is a note from after I have written all that. and basically it's complaining and ranting about everything and hyperfixating on space and science in the end. in the middle I talk about my fears of love 😂 potentially triggering stuff? it's all nonsense you really dont have to read it. it was just to keep myself from doing something I shouldn't. so if you could be triggered by literally anything maybe dont? idk. I cant stop you but it's probably annoying and not interesting. if anyone does read it though let me know if I need to tag it anything.

So my brain has now decided that because there is no way I am sleeping tonight unless it's exhaustion, I get intrusive thoughts. fun! so rn it has been fixated on the fact that because I am closest to the outside. not hall door. that I could easily sneak out. which is very much not good idea, because 1) I dont live in this area, 2) it's still cold as fuck outside at night, 3) I would literally fucking get lost or caught immediately. So yeah :) I dont even know what I would do if I did go and I don't want to because I have an idea of what brain would say and that's a big no. it's especially big no because I'm too comfortable with the idea of it but I'm not allowed to. and I guess now it's kinda good because brain is thinking about how I miss my cat. I just wanna see my baby and be in my safe place with the people I'm actually comfortable with (cat and phone with online friends) like guys he's so fuckung adorable and what if he doesnt know why I'm not there right now. usually he sleeps in my room at night. so what if he's in my room waiting for me and I cant go see him. you're damn right that I'm crying about this. i just want my baby because he is my baby and an indicator of a safe place.

also I am so incredibly fucking uncomfortable. like I cannot sleep because 1) in a place I do not know 2) there are people (family) in the room that I am not comfortable letting my guard down around 3) there's so much noise from snoring (and from one sleep talking) 4) I am on the couch because when we go places I'm always the one who has to and it's a shitty pull out bed couch. it makes way too much noise that I have been in an uncomfortable position for over 3 hours because I dint want to disturb anyone else. and I can very easily feel like of the metal bars under the middle of my back 5) I am very cold. I forgot a blanket and I didnt get one because the room only gave us one extra one (I dont think we're supposed to have an extra person) ad my sister got it even though I'm the one by the outsid,door, window, and air conditioner which wont turn off. I at least have my flannel though to cover my legs 6) my head hurts so bad because it's the kind of headache that hurts to have eyes open, breath, or move around in general 7) my stomach hurts so bad because I had to eat because apparently people get hungry and are supposed to eat along with anxiety from literally all of this 8) I have not gotten to be alone for more than 10 minutes since the middle of Wednesday whereas usually I spend almsot all of my time alone (with cat and phone with online friends) in my safe place. 9) I have not stopped crying (not really like crying crying but like there has been tears or water from my eyes because for some reason they burn and some because of anxiety or missing cat. 10) I keep thinking that at any moment I close my eyes someone is going to break into the room or one of my family members are gonna do something (I literally dont know what, that's intrusive thoughts talking but I have previously freaked out because I thought they were gonna aliven't me for no reason) 11) When I'm somewhere I'm not used to I get really bad muscle cramps in my arms and legs and I am not having fun with that.

sorry that was a shit ton of complaining that nobody should have read or give a shit about. so sorry if anyone actually read that?

also Allison, if you actually do read this (istg you really dont have to. like I said this is just my train of thoughts written to prevent me from doing anything. I am not watching wandavision until later today 😂 and I am staying off the discord server I joined becuas of potential spoilers.

anyways continuation of rants and complaints. I really want to put the phone down and attempt to sleep even though I know I'm not gonna be able to and for that reason I have to write here because I do not trust myself with my brain being like this rn. but I wanna put phone down so bad because my eyes hurt and my head hurts from having eyes open.

and I really wanna just get my earbuds out and have controlled noise and potentially fall asleep but that would take noise louder than them to drown them out but any noise already is hurting my head and earbuds sound really uncomfortable right now.

also I'm starting to get really cold again because the flannel was working for a little but I think that was because I had to move a little bit to get it out and on my legs and I haven't been moving.

also my sister (sleep.talker) has been just making noises and mumbling all night except just now she went "eww" and rolled over and continued snoring and sleeping. so that's fun. totally didnt scare me.

oh my God it's fuckung almost 3:30 I just wanna sleep. at this rate I dont care in what way it happens, but I want sleep in the next 10 minutes so I cannot be aware of how uncomfortable or in pain I am.

my back (which usually already has back pain) connot stand to lay on the bar in this position anymore so I have to move but it's so loud and I dont wanna wake anyone up or move into a worse position but feel bad for moving.

I have now moved and I dont THINK I woken anyone up. back is better but head hurts so much more now because of movement and I am now laying on my knee which I have a lot of problems with and am not having a fun time.

idk what to talk about. I want sleep or to at least put phone down but like I said multiple times I do not trust my brain rn so I have to keep writing stuff. and I dont want to just keep complaining but idk what to talk about and complaining is easiest rn because I was out in an uncomfortable situation by coming with them and I didnt want to in the first place but would not be able to stay home.

I am now gonna talk about sleep and my thoughts about it. I like being asleep but I also dont. I like being not awake but most of the time do not like the dreams I have. but sleep itself is such an interesting concept. like the body forces itself to shut down and put you unconscious to like rest itself or repair before continuing to function. and it's like (supposed to be) on a specific or close to schedule. like youre supoosed to have a schedule for when you're unconscious. and this is completely normal. a part of our society is actually shaped around this too? like at certain times around the world it gets all dark and the world goes quiet for a while. idk I just think it's really interesting. maybe it's not idk lmao.

and now brain wants to talk about how and why I am afraid to love. :). brain is afraid to love because that means I have to be vulnerable to someone and that's just so terrifying to do, especially being someone who is different than a lot of the heteronormative society. like I absolutely love my friends. and once I'm comfortable around them, I'm gonna tell them that I love them as much as I can (but also dont want to make them uncomfortable). because if I finally feel comfortable enough around you to be vulnerable and accept that I love you despite brain's overwhelming urge to say I don't and be invulnerable and safe, I'm gonna tell you that as much as I can that I love you. because it literally happens so little in my life that I actually really trust someone. so if I tell you I love you I mean it (and it tells you I trust you). like seriously, I barely even say it to my mom because I'm so on guard and trying to watch my back around her. and I dont think I say it to the rest of my family. unless it's my grandparents I'm gonna tell them that because I think I do just in a different way of your my grandparent and you're family. and I occasionally say it to my irl best friend because there's still a lot I'm on guard about because I haven't told her a lot of things so we're not as close as you'd think. but if you're reading this I have probably told you i love you. and i know Allison i tell you as much as i can because I think yyou'rethe absolute top person that I trust and love, so i try to tell you a lot. because I love you!! you're like my entire found family 😂

but now we're gonna talk about reasons why I'm terrified to be in love romantically. Because I dont think i have actually liked someone romantically or really ever be romantically interested in anyone. I have thought about it because I felt like I had to tell myself I was ( I was not). like i thought I had a crush on someone once but I think it was because I was unable to be their friend at the time that I wanted to be their friend even more. and because I never really got to pick my friends I didnt know what it was like to actually want to be friends with someone. but thinking about someone romantically I just cant really do. because I don't want to get into a romantic relationship if I don't know if I'm gonna like them romantically at all. do people like people romantically when they first go out with someone? or do they just say I kinda like this person let's try it out? because that just doesnt make sense to me and idk. and it could very well be that I'm just to young to know yet. because I still dont even know what I would want from a romantic relationship. like... Idk what there is for me to want or what's different to loving your friends besides calling them something else? and the whole having to trust that this person likes you in a specific way that you might like them before you take it far enough and get hurt because they just don't feel the same? or you're the one that's not really sure and potentially hurt someone else? I know people say it's just a risk you're gonna have to take but I dont want to take a risk like that. I dont mind being hurt from it myself but in terrified at the thought that I could potentially hurt someone because I just dint feel a certain way. and I still dont know what the difference is between friend love or romantic love to be able to judge or risk that? like seriously what is different? because I mean, maybe affection like have someone to hug or cuddle? but you could do that with friends and it should be a normal thing to have with your friends. but ig this still is a fucked up society that thinks everything has to be more than what it really is. and it just leaves people touch starved because of it. idk. maybe one day I'll figure it out, but how it's just Greek and foreign to me. idfk.

well that was fun. now it's 4 and I need something else to talk about because even if I do potentially fall alseep soon, I do not want those to be my last thoughts and possibly have dream about it (dreams for me are typically not good).

I think I see the moon. it's either a moon or a parking lot light. and I know the moon is either full or very close to full (I'm pretty sure it's just very. close) but I wish all of those lights outside were off and possibly have a new moon so I could see the stars. I love the stars so much. i love the moon, too, but right now it's very bright. but I wish I was more into astronomy and knew more about it. because that's also something that's very interesting to me is space and the stars. I wanna be someone who knows about all of the constellations. but I have a horrible memory and absolutely would not be able to remember 88 different stories. although I'd want to. even though most of them or a bunch are just Zeus being a dick. but more to the science side of the stars is so interesting to me that they're soooooo far away. like they're literally incomprehensibly far away. like I cannot comprehend how big a football field is without see one, I'm agine being able to comprehend the distance of light years? like I know we know how far it is but I'm pretty sure human minds cannot comprehend how far that ACTUALLY is. even if we know it's a LOT. and isnt it cool how we're able to know there are other planets outside of the solar system? I believe it's 4 different planets that we know of that are MORE inhabitable than earth. like better to live on. and they have either older or stronger stars that wouldn't die out as fast as our sun. although there comes the debate of if we should be able to go to them. it's a very debatable question, but I think overall the answer would be no. because humans have fucked up an entire planet, why should we be allowed to do it to another? like it realize it's literally a percent of humans that fucked it up for the rest of the planet, but humans have an inner need to have power over everyone else and other things and would stop at nothing to get what they want. humans could so easily become corrupt and destroy other planets too. it's kind of a fucked up thing to say, but I feel like maybe humans should die out with our planet. like of course it's not fair to the ones who haven't had the chance to live a life yet. but it was never fair to the other creatures humans killed for their own needs. like we have caused extinction several times. karma will get you back in the end ig. and it would be cool to know but obviously we wouldnt be able to know, if a species even smarter than humans evolved and kept the peace on earth, even as the ruling species? ruling sounds wrong but idk what else to call it. whatever we are above everything else is what they would be. but it would be so amazing to know what smarter beings are alive or could eventually live. like that's so fucking cool.

anyways I should probably try to sleep or put phone down because now brian doesnt have time to let me do anything I shouldnt. it's 4:30 😂 someone is probably gonna wake up soon because idk.