#i’m at the state fair with my parents and honestly having a great time

[foldingfittedsheets]

My mom has this awful friend, Cynthia. My loathing goes deep enough that I’m not even going to change her name. If she ever finds this she knows what she did.

On multiple occasions my mom asked this horrible irresponsible chicken brained woman to watch after our animals while we were away. I don’t know why once wasn’t enough, because the first failure was so spectacular that anyone in their right mind would know she couldn’t be trusted with any level of responsibility or direction following.

You might be thinking to yourself, FFS, this level of antipathy is surely unwarranted! But you’d be wrong.

To set the scene, we were living in downstairs of our house when I was about fifteen. My mom has always wanted more animals than can reasonably be kept indoors which is how we ended up with three cats. When she wanted to kick them all outside I protested, and so all three cats lived in my bedroom with no access to the rest of the house.

That really wasn’t great, so in an attempt to give them options we made a window cutout with a cat door in it to give them access to the outdoors. Looking back on this as an environmentally conscious adult it’s wretched, cats should be indoor only, but at the time I was desperate to give them some freedom because one bedroom is too small for three cats.

So my parents and I went on a week long trip to visit family out of state. We told Cynthia to come feed and water the cats, and to scoop the litter box. Most importantly, don’t lock the handle of the door, because we only have the key to the deadbolt.

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Cynthia locked us out. We arrived home after 12 hours on the road, desperate for the comfort of our own beds. We were met with an unyielding door. With a sigh I volunteered, “I can punch in the cat door and climb in the window.”

I slipped behind the bamboo outside my window and pushed in the cutout. A horrible insidious reek wafted out at me. I paused, prickling with foreboding. But I had a job to do, and by god I’d see it through. I hefted myself up into the window and my hand immediately landed in something wet.

Skin crawling, I pulled myself up and surveyed the darkened room as a miserable odor of decay and suffering poured out of the room around me. I could see dark shapes littering the carpet and it didn’t take a genius to guess that the cats had taken up hunting in a big way during my absence.

I pulled my hand out of the pile of vomit it had landed in and dropped into my onetime bedroom turned now into a hellpit of decomposing wretchedness. I turned on the light. I wished I had not turned on the light.

My eyes scanned across the floor, tallying as they went. Two dead birds, a dead baby rabbit, five dead mice, and one dead snake. I paused on my alarm clock, perplexed to see a stain of white on it. I stepped closer and saw a furtive movement.

The tally suddenly contained also: one live bird that had shit in several places, probably in pure terror to find itself trapped in a room littered with decomposing woodland creatures, which honestly, fair. I coaxed it out the window and finished the survey with five discrete piles of vomit.

I unlocked the door and let my parents in. They exclaimed in disgust at the horrible smell. We stood together in my doorway floored by the magnitude of neglect. The unscooped litter box was a subtle footnote in the tangible reek my living space. I disposed of the parade of ecological disaster, cleaned vomit, and scooped the box after a brutally long day on the road. The cats were fine, and happy to see me. They had a huge dish or food and water so Cynthia’s neglect at least hadn’t harmed them.

Then I slept on the couch while my bedroom aired out, the windows flung wide to dispel the uneasy ghosts of the hunted. I spent the whole night cursing Cynthia’s name for this evil she’d visited upon me. When my mom asked her, "Cynthia, didn't you see the dead animals?"

Cynthia responded, "Yes, they smelled so bad, I just ran in and out as fast as I could." I fully don't believe she did any caretaking, and I'm personally of the opinion that she locked herself out on the first day and never came back.

The next day my room had returned to a habitable level of smellscape and I gratefully crawled into my bed that night. I stretched out and froze as my foot brushed something cold and wet?

The final indignity: one last dead snake, inside my very sheets.

Fucking Cynthia.

[harlowsbby]

Inhale & Exhale

• part two of the sorrows series

“Ain’t no way! You totally cheated!” Ace yelled at Jack as he slammed down his cards from the uno game you were all just playing.

“Every time you don’t win you always swear up and down that someone cheated just take your loss and keep it pushing.” Jack smirked and Ace smacked his lips before leaving the table.

After everything that went on earlier Jack thought it would be a good idea if you tagged along with him for the rest of the day just so you were able to get your mind off of Annie and Mariah.

At the same time though you couldn’t help but to think about it, it was the only thing running through your mind.

You were pushed out of your thoughts from Jack’s phone going off. “That’s great.” He mumbled in annoyance and sighed heavily.

“Is everything okay?” You asked him with worry in your voice. “It’s just my mom she needs my help with a few things.” He said.

“Maybe I can tag along I can finally meet the amazing Maggie.” You grinned and went to grab your purse. Ace and Clay gave one another knowing looks.

“Oh no it’s okay baby just stay here with the guys or something I’ll be really quick I promise.” He lied.

“What am I going to do then?” You’ve never really hung out with the guys just one on one before so you were honestly really anxious.

“You can tag along with us Y/N.” Ace smiled at you. “Yeah we were just going to run by the club that Jack was going to DJ at.” Clay added on.

“He’s gonna DJ at a club for free?” Clay laughed. “He’s in his little DJ era right now so he asked if he could try and DJ for tonight and they said yeah.”

“Yeah I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come tonight.” Jack asked you. “But what am I going to wear?”

“We can go shopping after if you want I’ll take you.” Clay offered. “But everything will be on Jack.” Jack rolled his eyes.

“I’ll see you later baby.” He leaned in and gave you a quick kiss on the lips before heading off to see Maggie. “Let’s get to shopping y’all we?” Clay grinned.

••••

“I can’t believe she didn’t even believe us I mean we weren’t coming off that hard were we?” Annie asked Mariah.

“Absolutely not we’re her best friends and we only want what’s best for her. I don’t trust Jack I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships.” Mariah stated.

“And you know I’ve dated a few narcissists here and there but Jack.” She paused and took a sip of her drink.

“Something isn’t right about him.” Mariah said. “What do you mean?” Annie cocked her head to the side waiting for Mariah to finish.

The two of them decided to go out and have some lunch together to try and forget about the argument the three of you just had.

“He’s hiding something I mean come on he’s been with Y/N for how long now?”

“I’d say three months.” Mariah smacked the table in frustration which earned her a few glares from a few other people that were dining in the restaurant she quickly apologized.

“That’s what I’m saying how can you be with someone for three months and still not even meet their parents!” She whispered yelled.

“Do you think he’s seeing other people behind her back?” Annie implied. “I do but Y/N’s the other person he’s seeing.” She said.

They both knew it was going to be hard to even try to convince you of that and honestly they weren’t even sure how they were going to get any proof.

“Well how are we going to prove that to her? She doesn’t want anything to do with us and it’s not like we’re going to catch Jack in the act.” Annie groaned in annoyance.

“I mean I’d say we caught him in the act.” Mariah said, Annie looked up at her and Mariah pointed behind her.

When Annie turned around her jaw dropped to the floor seeing Jack a few tables behind them with another woman.

By the first glance you wouldn’t really think anything about it you would assume they were just friends. Until he reached over the table and gave her a kiss and caressed the palm of her hands.

“Take a picture.” Annie rushed Mariah. “I got a picture and a video.” Mariah said.

“Should we text this to Y/N?” Annie said. “No it’s better off to show her in person but I did see Neelam repost that Jack would be the DJ tonight at club Habana.

The girls gave each other knowing looks. “Should we?” Mariah asked. “I think we should.” They weren’t sure how tonight was going to end up but they could only wish for the best.

••••

Once you were done at the mall with Clay he dropped you off at your apartment. Jack texted you that later that night he was going to have Clay pick you up and bring you to the club.

It was around seven when you decided to get ready for the club Clay had texted you letting you knew he’d be by in about twenty minutes.

You quickly showered and shaved and put on your dress and did your hair and makeup and finished just in time because Clay was outside.

You quickly made your way outside and into his car. “You look nice.” Clay told you. “Thank you.” You smiled and Clay pulled off and made his way to the club.

The two of you made small talk here and there till you arrived. He handed his keys to the valet and guided you into the club.

“Jack is going to be up there.” You followed his finger to the middle of the room where Jack stood.

He was wearing a fitted cap but it was backwards you honestly felt your knees go weak anytime he wore his hat like that you always felt weak in the knees.

He had on a jersey and a pair of black pants and of course a pair of new balances. Ace tapped his arm lightly and pointed to where you were at. Jack looked up and smiled upon seeing you.

“I’ll be back can you control this for a bit.” He yelled over the music to Ace. “Yeah man I got you.” Jack thanked him and started to make his way over to you.

You went ahead and made your way to him as well so the two of you could meet in the middle. You were ready to wrap your arms around him and give him the biggest and sloppiest kiss.

Just as you were about to be face to face with Jack you were tugged back by someone you frowned and looked behind you seeing it was Annie and Mariah.

“What do you two want?” You spat and Annie flinched being taken back by your approach. “What are you acting like this?” She asked.

You scoffed. “Like you don’t know? Do you not remember what happened this morning when you were trying to break up my relationship with Jack.” Mariah shook her head at you in disbelief.

“Y/N, come on it isn’t even like that.” Annie defended herself. “So what is like Annie? Because from my point of view it looks like the two of you can’t be happy for me!”

“What’s going on here?” Jack grabbed ahold of your upper arm and brought you back into his chest. “Just Annie and Mariah being jealous as always.”

“Jealous?” Mariah laughed in disbelief. “We’re just trying to help you out.” She added on. “Help me out for what?”

“Because your man here is a cheater and we got proof that he isn’t shit.” Mariah opened up her purse and pulled out her phone and went to the video she took of Jack earlier.

Jack’s stomach started to turn and do black-flips he had a feeling he had seen Annie and Mariah earlier that day but he wasn’t too positive if it was them.

In the video you couldn’t exactly see Jack but you could see the back of his head and you could see what it looked like him leaning over the table to kiss the woman and press kisses to the palm of her hand.

“I’m sorry we had to show you like this but we knew it was the only way you’d believe us.” Annie mumbled. “We’re sorry Y/N.” Mariah mumbled.

“I can’t believe this.” You mumbled. “We’re sorry you had to find out this way.” Annie frowned.

“I can’t believe the two of you would make up some shit like this.” You shook your head in disbelief at them. “Wait what?” Mariah stated.

“Are you being serious right now? That’s literally Jack!” She said and zoomed in on the picture. “He went to see his mom earlier today so I believe him it’s just wild that the two of you won’t let this go.” You spat.

“Are you being serious?” Annie huffed. “Whatever let’s just go Annie I guess she’ll have to find out the hard way that she’s the other woman.” Mariah spat.

(thank you for @earthtoharlow for helping me! I hope you guys enjoy I kinda struggled with this part 😭)

[thestarastro]

Aquarius North Node / Leo South Node analysis

My own observations, take what resonates.

18 y/o and over due to sensitive topic nature. Thank you.

Trailblazers, we are entering age of Aquarius.

Soul color: blue

Destiny point: to build a society that allows your liberty to be upheld and keeps the people around you safe. To overcome societal norms by being their authentic self. Find middle ground in all manners of life. Discover creativity. Discover equality. Acceptance despite differences.

How to overcome: Be your own self and live in your own truth. Be Aquarius, don’t reject it. Don’t repress who you are and anything that is associated with inauthenticity like lying, cheating, or overtly objectifying yourself and others. Love yourself and people for the facets of who they are. Society brings structure and hope. Build your own moral code that points you in a direction of good. Use your thoughts as modes of creative expression instead of internalizing them and feeling jaded.

Full disclosure: this really is a wild turkey placement. Childhood will vary dramatically. There are certain threads that are shared in different generations of this placement. I will discuss those. I have frequently said this is also a polarizing placement and mental health needs to be a top priority. I’m going to discuss the polarity associated with Aquarians. In a simple way to demonstrate a complexity, imagine the concept of Aquarius as a line. On one side, there’s one extreme it falls to when depressed or under developed, on the other side, we see the Aquarian at its best living its truest self. It’s important to pay attention to how you are feeling and learn ways to self soothe (hot bath, go get a coffee, put on a skincare mask)

Isolation, Stoic,

Unemotional,

Deeply traumatized

Society and people

Become means of control

And a source of pain &

Pleasure

<——————————————————————————>

Unhealthy mindset A true libertine

When developed, Aquarians want people to embrace themselves, want a society where one can be accepted. In private, loves to enjoy themselves. Society and people are objects to be understood and admired. Fairness.

So the Aquarian already living in a very polarizing existence all the time and very inwardly (unlike Gemini who demonstrates polarizing mentalities outwardly.) Honestly, it’s an air sign thing. Y’all think so much you create different modes of thought all running at the same time and frequency and sometimes these modes aren’t too grounded in reality.

My moon is in Aquarius, and it squares off with some very important planets which is why I take my own mental health seriously, there are many ways I relate. - I struggle in social situations and sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant state of being misunderstood or disenfranchised by the people around me. It’s okay, to feel disconnected from society, but there are slippery slopes to that and particularly this placement (edit: 08/10/24)

Childhood: really varies for everyone with this placement. The most common thread I see is a hunt for the innermost & sometimes primal need for success & fulfillment in whatever that looks like for the individual. Success can be happiness, it can be owning a house of their own with a beautiful partner, being great at one’s job. However, success happens when working collectively and this placement may have felt indifferent socially. Childhood may have been stressful because of a lot of inner repression. Possibly conflicting beliefs or attitudes with family members. A lot of outer resentment towards the world because of coming into a world in active war time. The Leo South Node feels discouraged and disconnected because something is stealing the torch (war, politics, social inequalities, fundamental rights but society not granting those.) So the Aquarius in this placement at birth is a gift but also was born under uncertainty making society feel quite scary and uncomfortable. Parents or parental figures (lots of extended family dynamics, unusual or drifter upbringing) were just trying to get by too and they wanted you to fit in but they couldn’t always concentrate on you and when you weren’t perfect upon random inspection, you may have been punished (grounding, abuse). They need good teachers. Aspecting planets or houses may change this but at some point may have had more fascinations of death in the general sense of the word. There will be many hurdles to overcome in childhood and adulthood. You may feel lost. Always feeling like you are in a crowd. Or never seen. The Leo south node in this placement daydreams of fame and not having responsibility. The battle of finding one’s place in society, feeling misunderstood, and isolated can lead to substance abuse disorder / dissociations very young. The polarity in this placement will need lots of love and care because despite the mental framework, the Aquarian wants to succeed and thinks a lot about how to be the best. So, I stress mental health and great teachers. This placement often gets the “tough luck” approach.

Possibly experienced one too many early passings of childhood friends.

Adulthood: Aquarius is one of the most dominant signs in my personal opinion because I see the sign so heavily pronounced in culture and eras of time making it an undeniable Renegade. An Artist. A visionary. The inspiration in the stars. A moody and rebellious lost soul forced to live in the world alone. I have a theory that the innate liberty of Aquarius inspires the Leo to move towards the collective instead of the controlling. An Aquarian can manipulate the environment around you and the environment can manipulate the Aquarian into feeding their delusions. The Aquarian sign here can feel so detached from reality because they are so focused on the social framework around them and how to navigate it, they might not develop their natural talents that Leo south node came bursting in with. The most important thing stressed here is Aquarius is such a fixed sign that the intensity of your presence can cause people to go through changes. It’s not your fault, you are very statuesque and people are moved in emotion by you. Take it in stride. Don’t take it as an attack. The only way you are going to move forward is to be vulnerable and not feel shame. In this vulnerability is where you will shine and find your creative light.

Early and perhaps untimely deaths are associated with this placement and it may be because death does seem to follow them in the shadows. & usually at their own hand, drugs, or someone else’s. Y’all be safe you agents of change! The 27 club has presence here.

10 celebrities to unalive young with NN in Aquarius

Kurt Cobain

Heath Ledger

Janis Joplin

Jimi Hendrix

Brittany Murphy

Bruce Lee

Brandon Lee

James Dean

Aaliyah

River Phoenix (List credited to ChatGPT)

How to overcome: be your authentic self, don’t let society determine who you are and who you can’t be. Let the bare bones of truth be your armor. In healthy ways, be involved in society. Watch out for the polarity you have to deal with and don’t let the Leo south node be too consuming and too angry, use the creativity that comes with Leo to express your emotions. Take caution of those around you, people often like to dominate the Aquarius because the intensity in their presence can come off as a threat.

If I had three tarot cards to throw at this placement, it would be Death, The Star, and Judgement. Don’t let being an outsider turn you astray, be creative and use that philosophical and fantastical mind to good use. You’re great!!!

I stress mental health (journaling specifically, take note of song ^^) and to further emphasize the polarity and repression in this placement, here are five serial killers with a North Node in Aquarius:

Ted Bundy

Jeffrey Dahmer

Edmund Kemper

John Wayne Gacy

Richard Ramirez (List Credit to ChatGPT)

***all of these trash piles are aspected by Saturn in an earth sign.

So we have Kurt Cobain and John Wayne Gacy in the same sign, both experiencing tragic death. Kurt uplifted so many people while the other was pure trash. The reason is, Kurt Cobain was more successful at expressing his truth, rip forever. Placements should not use substances. Therapy advised if feeling disenfranchised, would look into counseling.

Final thoughts, Aquarius is a beautiful sign that wants to be happy and free. Leo wants Aquarius to bloom. What is dished out to this sign will be dished back out out 10 fold. But, the struggle will be, does one embrace the collective society or does one let society consume them and act cynical and cruel? When Aquarian placements learn how to love in a healthy manner, they are great lovers.

Also, keep in mind that everything I’m writing is opinion and not fact and this placement and your Saturn placement could be beneficial and make all of this irrelevant. That’s why I said it’s a wild turkey &&& also nothing takes precedence over experience and faith.

— Casper

Copyright © 2024 thestartarot | All rights reserved.

[poisonpercy]

I finally convinced myself to watch the 4th episode of the pjo show. Overall, it was probably the show’s strongest episode so far. That being said, I think it’s fair to say that I am not clicking with this show. I’m not saying the show isn’t good. It definitely has its moments, so it’s a fine show. But as a book to tv show adaptation of pjo, I don’t think it’s very good. I guess my expectations were way too high since I was promised that this is a true adaptation that has everything you would want in a pjo show, but seeing as I don’t feel that way, I can’t say that promise has been fulfilled.

The actors are great, but I find the writing and the overall direction of the show very dull. It’s just not something that keeps my attention personally. I have to convince myself to watch these episodes since they aren’t hitting that obsession that keeps you interested, and while watching, it’s very hard for me to stay watching because it’s just not pulling me in. Anyways, here’s some specific thoughts regarding this episode:

Like a lot of my mutuals, I am not too big of a fan of the flashback with Percy and Sally in the pool. Sally does not feel like the same character that she is in the books. She’s a lot kinder and more mindful of her actions in the books than she is in the show. I get what the flashback was trying to convey, but I honestly don’t think it worked. I remember that Sally had been described as someone who doesn’t raise her voice, and I feel like the writers have disregarded a lot of her prior characterization in the name of her being a #girlboss. To me it feels like they created a brand new character and slapped Sally Jackson’s name on them. “That’s not Sally Jackson! That’s an oc committing identity fraud” vibes

They are really shoving it down our throats that Percy does not like the gods. Which isn’t bad, but I feel like he still needs more time to grow into the resentment that he’s showing

Kinda weird that Annabeth was talking nice about her dad. And I’m more sympathetic towards her dad than most, but he still wasn’t great so giving him praise felt a little off. Not a huge fan of blaming only the stepmother. The misogyny is real

Sleepy, grouchy Grover was cute

The cameo of the centaurs leading into the conversation about Pan and searchers was nice. I wish the show talked about this being Grover’s last chance at getting his searchers license since that was a big part of his character arc in tlt, but idk if that’s ever going to happen

The cops on the train were awful. If this show got one thing right, it’s the fact that cops suck and don’t help

I felt like there was too much of Echidna in this episode. Idk, if you’re going to try to build up a monster, she’s not the one I would have picked

Going off of that, they definitely tried to build tension in this episode, unlike in previous episodes, but it just didn’t work. Like it was too obvious that she was supposed to be a monster without actually giving any tension for the viewers. It’s still very much telling and not showing which is a huge flaw of this show

I’m honestly not a fan of the arch being a temple of Athena. I guess it’s cool for world building, but it just feels too convenient. I did like that Annabeth was stating facts, but to me it felt less like her geeking out and more like her showing off the temple’s greatness

Grover and Annabeth splashing Percy in the fountain was funny but it would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce nectar and ambrosia since they have yet to be brought up

Bad parent Athena rep 🫡

Having Percy trick Annabeth to switch places with her was a nice nod to Percy’s loyalty

I felt like the whole scene at the arch was missing the chaos that was present in the book. Idk it just felt so dry to me

The fight between Percy and the chimera was so underwhelming. There was a lot more tension and chaos and moving parts in the book that the show just is refusing to show. Also, I’m getting tired of Percy being flung around. Let him build up some skill before Ares

The water grabbing Percy when he fell out of the arch was funny but I personally wouldn’t have done the scene that way

The underwater scene was lacking imo. I feel like a broken record by saying I liked it better in the books, but it’s true

Episode was way too short and the show’s pacing is way too fast

[jessisnotnormal]

Chapter 8: Nobility

Masterlist

<- Chapter 7

Merlin trotted after Arthur through Camelot’s streets, his arms full of the Prince’s discarded armour.

            “Grimond’s the third to fail this month,” Arthur was saying, clearly unimpressed. “How am I meant to defend Camelot with rubbish like that?”

            This was his chance, Merlin realised. Time to repay Lancelot. “Well, I think I might be able to help.”

            Arthur gave him a look of disbelief. “You, Merlin? You haven’t the faintest idea what it takes to be a knight – courage, fortitude-” He turned to toss his sheathed sword onto the ever-growing pile in Merlin’s arms. “Discipline.”

            “No, no. No, of course I don’t,” Merlin replied, realising the confusion. “But I do know someone who does.”

            Arthur actually seemed interested. “Yeah?”

            “Saved my life.”

            His interest failed then, and he snorted. “That’s blown it, for starters.”

            “No, no, no. He’s really good, honestly.”

            “That’s great, Merlin. I’m sure he’s terrific,” Arthur replied with all the enthusiasm of a parent placating a small child. “But you forget the first code of Camelot.”

            They stopped walking then, and Merlin frowned. “The what?”

            “The first code. Only those of noble blood can serve as knights. So, unless your friend is a nobleman…” He pulled his gloves off, tossing them onto the pile too.

            “Oh, uh, he is… a nobleman,” Merlin lied quickly. Maybe Lancelot was secretly a lord? Maybe if he scrubbed up a bit…

            “Is he?” Arthur’s interest was back, mingled with a hint of surprise.

            “Absolutely.”

            “Very well.” Arthur nodded. “Bring him to the training ground tomorrow. Make sure he brings his seal of nobility." He turned and continued walking back to the castle.

            “Thanks, Arthur!” Merlin called after him. “You won’t regret it!”

            He couldn’t wait to get back to tell Lancelot the news, and the would-be knight seemed to be just as eager. He came running over as Merlin burst through the door into Gaius’ quarters, with Jada following at a more reasonable pace.

            “Well?” Lancelot asked, his face full of hope. “Did you speak to him?”

            Merlin nodded, an idea coming to him. “Yeah, I spoke to him.”

            “And?”

            “And…” He trailed off, shaking his head sadly.

            “No,” Lancelot guessed, shaking his own head in disappointment.

            Merlin couldn’t keep up the charade any longer, bursting into a grin. “He said he would like to meet you.”

            The hope returned to Lancelot’s eyes, his whole being lighting up. “Yes! Thank you.” He seized Merlin’s hand, shaking it, as Jada nudged Lancelot proudly with her elbow. “Thank you!”

            “Hey, it’s no problem, really. It’s nothing,” Merlin dismissed, then awkwardly cleared his throat. “You’re not a nobleman, by any chance, are you?”

            “A nobleman? No.” Lancelot laughed, gesturing at his clothing. “Good Lord, no. Why do you ask?”

            Ah. He’d have to explain this delicately. “It’s just that, there’s this-”

            “The first code of Camelot states that only those of noble blood can serve as a knight,” Gaius interjected, dashing Lancelot’s hopes to the floor. “Uther created the knights to protect this kingdom from those who wish to destroy it. He knew he would have to trust each of his knights with his life, so he chose them from the families that had sworn allegiance to him.”

            “The nobility,” Merlin explained.

            “And thus the first code of Camelot was born,” Gaius continued.

            Lancelot, looking utterly dejected, sat down, and Jada patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.

            “And ever since that day, only the sons of noble families have served as knights.”

            “That is not fair!” Merlin blurted.

            “Surely Uther can see it’s outdated?” Jada agreed.

            “Fair or unfair, that’s the way it is,” Gaius replied. “I’m sorry, Lancelot. Truly, I am.”

            He turned away then, but not without giving Merlin a stern look. That was the look, Merlin knew, that warned him not to get involved. He’d have to pretend he hadn’t seen it, he decided quickly.

            Merlin didn’t bring it up again until that evening. Both he and Lancelot had retired to his room, and Merlin busied himself with lighting the few candles he had there while he thought of how to broach the subject again.

            “Why do you want to be a knight so much?” he asked at last.

            Lancelot looked up, though there was no hesitation before he answered. “When I was a boy, my village was attacked by raiders from the northern plains. They were slaughtered where they stood—my father, my mother, everyone.”

            Merlin moved to sit on his bed, stunned by the weight of Lancelot’s story. As he continued, the conviction in his eyes grew stronger. “I alone escaped. I vowed that day that never again would I be helpless in the face of tyranny. I made swordcraft my life. Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat. When I was ready, I set forth for Camelot.” He laughed once without humour, his face falling. “And now it seems my journey ends. Everything I’ve fought for—wasted.”

            He sat beside Merlin, all determination disappearing. Merlin, however, shook his head. “I give you my word, whatever it takes, I will make this right.”

            He owed Lancelot his life, helping him become a knight was the least he could do. He’d just have to make sure Gaius never found out.

            It was this conviction that caused Merlin to find himself in the royal archives first thing the next morning. During the night, he’d concluded that if Uther would only allow members of the nobility to try out for the knights, then that was what Lancelot had to become. How exactly they were going to achieve that was another matter entirely.

            Geoffrey was giving him suspicious glances as Merlin eyed the records on the dusty old shelves, though he was obviously trying to be subtle about it.

            “Homework,” Merlin lied, hoping his face looked innocent enough to pull it off.

            It wasn’t a completely far-fetched story; he could have been researching something for Gaius, or maybe Arthur wanted him to check something about one of the nobles of the court.

            Either way, Geoffrey didn’t comment, allowing Merlin to haul one of the ancient tomes off the shelf and examine it more closely. He flicked through a few pages before smiling and nodding to himself, but when he slammed it shut again a cloud of dust burst out right into his face. He sneezed, the sound echoing throughout the library, and he thought he caught Geoffrey rolling his eyes.

            Merlin hauled the book to a table between the aisles, plopping it down on the surface with a dull thud. He began flicking through the pages, looking for any record of a larger noble family. If they already had several children, Merlin thought, Uther would be less likely to notice another one being added to the list.

            Before too long, he found what he was looking for. On the page before him lay a crest of one Richard, fourth son of Lord Eldred of Northumbria. Merlin had never heard of the man; Northumbria was farther away than he had ever cared to venture before, and he hoped that Arthur also was less interested in this particular house.

            He glanced behind him, checking that Geoffrey was still seated at his desk scribbling away on a piece of parchment, before turning back to the book. He wondered vaguely what the punishment for forgery was, but quickly decided that he didn’t intend to get caught, no matter what it was. He pulled a blank page out from underneath his jacket, spreading it neatly next to the official seal, then concentrated all his energy on getting this right the first time.

            He felt his magic answer him, bubbling just under the surface of his skin. “Icuis bisan raditani huhnan,” he whispered, waiting impatiently for the image to appear on his own parchment. “Come on, come on. Yes!”

            What had originally been just a blank sheet now held an identical crest, accompanied by the words ‘Lancelot, fifth son of Lord Eldred of Northumbria’. Not daring to dwell for too long on his success, Merlin hastily rolled the parchment back up and tucked it beneath his jacket, just in time to jump guiltily as someone cleared their throat behind him.

            Looking back, he found Geoffrey’s suspicious face again, though from his manner Merlin guessed that he hadn’t managed to actually see any of what he was doing. He’d have to be more careful, he decided. For now, he slammed the book closed and stood to hand it to Geoffrey, patting its cover in a manner he hoped looked genuine.

            “It’s a… um… real page turner,” he said, trying not to let out a snicker at Geoffrey’s utterly baffled expression as he turned away.

            Now he just had to tell Lancelot about his new noble status.

Chapter 9 ->

[jmagnabo92]

It’s A Twin Thing - Ch 3

Trevor and Jeremy bond and tell embarrassing stories of each other to the women ghosts, including the Great Switch Fiasco of ‘97.

AO3

***

Of course Trevor wasn’t going to be the only embarrassed one in the living room, hence the brothers trading their most embarrassing stories and until the last one that Jeremy tells because Trevor just has to interrupt, “Wait a second, that one wasn’t me.  That happened to you!”

Jeremy smirks.  “Well, everyone thought I was you – so I think it counts.”

“It doesn’t count as an embarrassing story for me when it was actually you.”

“I think it does because you got teased about it and never corrected anyone,” Jeremy counters.

“Fair,” Trevor says, laughing.

“Exactly how many times did you two switch places?” Alberta asks.  

“Oh, based on the number of stories that Trevor has told me – all of the time.  I am still certain my theory is true,” Hetty offers, getting confused looks from Alberta and Flower.

“Theory?” Jeremy questions.

Trevor hums.  “She thinks that we switched the day I died.”

Jeremy laughs.  “So, you think he’s really Jeremy, and I’m really Trevor?”

“It is entirely plausible as none of us knew Trevor or you.”

Jeremy smiles.  “I’m impressed that you think I could pull it off for twenty-two years, since I would have the more difficult job if I were actually Trevor pretending to be Jeremy, but I can honestly tell you that we did not switch that day.”

“It’s not like we switched all of the time.”

“Exactly.  We only really switched when we wanted to have some fun – liven things up and believe me, none of those switches happened at Trevor’s office or whenever he had one of his parties with his bros after the Great Switch Fiasco of ’97.”

“That sounds juicy,” Alberta says, eagerly.  “And embarrassing.  You must tell us.”

“Oy vey, please don’t,” Trevor begs.  He did not want them finding out about Ari this way.  

Jeremy gives him a look.  “They don’t know?”

“It wasn’t really something I went around announcing – especially with … everything,” Trevor says, knowing Jeremy would know what he’s referring to.  

Before Jeremy could respond, Flower jumps in with, “Is this about you and Ari?  Because Alberta and I have known about that for years.”

“Wait – what?”

“Why are you surprised – we’ve literally talked about this?” Flower asks, confused.  “We’re best friends – we talk about everything… well, not everything…most things.”

“I’m not surprised about you – I’m surprised about Alberta.”

“Really, Trev?  As your ghosts’ roommates knew – your sexcapades were fun to watch,” Alberta states.  “And I wanted to be entertained.  Besides, I didn’t get to watch the first year because Flower kept it a secret, but after that –”

“Oh my god,” Jeremy says.  “You watched him have sex?”

“Well, yeah, it was entertaining.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense – most ghosts are clearly voyeurs.”

“You say that until you hear about what happened the night before the memorial,” Trevor says, shivering.  “Oy gevalt, now that is in my head.”

Jeremy is giving him a questioning look, when Hetty huffs.  

“I thought you let that go – we were just making sure that all of your efforts to reunite your parents were not for naught.  Particularly since your father had already made a complete dunce of himself by taking that work call and you had to sext him to get things back on track.”

Jeremy nearly chokes on his sip of water.  “Is she saying what I think she’s saying?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“You watched our parents have sex?”

“NO!  I just wanted to get them back together – I got the hell out of there as soon as it seemed possible.”

There’s a lot of overlapping conversation regarding what happened during that visit, which got more and more confusing, so Trevor eventually stopped all talk by telling the whole story of what happened during the memorial weekend, including his and Sam’s plan to get their parents back together and finishing with him realizing that it wasn’t his death that caused the divorce.

“You were always the hopeless romantic – I can’t believe you didn’t notice how awkward they were as we grew up,” Jeremy states.  “It was so obvious that I assumed that they had already gotten divorced, and dad just didn’t want to move.”

“Yeah, well – I didn’t realize it, okay?  They seemed … perfect…”

“It’s not terrible to believe the best in people, and at least it worked on one of us,” Jeremy offers.  “They just didn’t want to upset us – mainly, you, because they knew it would.”

“You weren’t upset?”

“When I first realized it – yeah, but I recovered quickly,” Jeremy offers.  “Although, do you remember the year we decided to throw them a fantastic anniversary party?”

“Yeah, when we were sixteen?  They were celebrating twenty years – that was the year that we convinced Uncle Charlie to send them to Hawaii as a treat …”  it takes a second for him to realize.  “Oy vey.”

“Yeah, that was my attempt at getting them back together – so I am not surprised that you attempted the same thing,” Jeremy states.

“That was way better than my attempt.”

“But it didn’t work.”

“Yeah, but it was still a better attempt.  They did come back a lot happier.”

“To be fair, you were at a disadvantage.  I mean, I spent months planning with you and Uncle Charlie, and you had a day where you couldn’t actually do anything since you’re a ghost and relied entirely on Sam and Jay – and hoping that mom and dad didn’t find things too awkward.”

“Plus, it worked,” Flower says.  “It just got ruined by Tara Reid.”

“Yeah, I heard about that,” Jeremy states with a grimace.  “I didn’t realize that was going to happen, but I figured if you’re here – it could be… nice.”

“It was nice – until the end,” Trevor states.  Then he leans over and whispers, “And someone tried to pretend that she didn’t remember who Tara Reid is when she walked in.”

Hetty huffs.  “I cannot remember everything.”

“Uh-huh, or you just wanted my attention because I was busy with my parents and the memorial.”

“It worked,” Hetty states, smugly.

Jeremy laughs.  “You two are adorable.  I still can’t believe you managed to find a girlfriend in the afterlife.”

As Hetty had moved behind him to sit on the arm part of the couch, she squeezes his shoulder.  “It surprised us both, too.”

“But it’s been a good thing,” Trevor says, leaning his cheek against her hand before turning to kiss it.

“It wasn’t surprising to me – I thought it was only a matter of time,” Flower states, smugly.

“Really?  You seemed pretty surprised when it came out,” Alberta asks.  “I’m still trying to figure out how I didn’t know.”

Flower laughs.  “I was surprised that I didn’t already know.  I feel like I should’ve known.”  Then she looks up at Trevor.  “We’re supposed be best friends, Trev, you’re supposed to tell me everything!”

“And I would have – but considering how everyone reacted, keeping it a secret was probably a good decision while we figured things out.”

Of course, they hadn’t exactly figured things out, but they knew that they were committed to each other, and they want to be together, confiding in each other and supporting one another.   And Trevor had only kept things a secret because he was trying to respect Hetty’s wish for secrecy.  He’d thought about admitting that their fight had been faked to Flower after that chaos but had deciding against it.

“I wouldn’t have judged you,” Flower mutters, obviously upset.

“I know, but it was just… better to figure things out in private.”

“Besides, sneaking around is hot, as Trevor would say,” Hetty offers.  

Jeremy grins.  “Well, he is an expert at it.”

“Ooooh, dish,” Alberta says, quickly.  “Does this have something to do with the Great Switch Fiasco of ’97?”

“It does, actually,” Jeremy says, cheerfully.  “And it’s funny now, but it was not funny then.”

“Please don’t tell the story,” Trevor begs.

“Do tell!” Alberta says with Flower humming in agreement.

Jeremy grins, devilishly at Trevor.  “Hetty can either tie it or break the tie.  What’s your vote, Hetty?”

Hetty looks back and forth between the pleading Trevor and the hopeful Flower and Alberta.  Knowing that Jeremy’s going to tell the story anyway, Trevor gives her a slight smile.

“Out voted again, my dear.”

Alberta and Flower cheer as Jeremy launches into the story.  

Jeremy had been visiting that weekend, and as always when he visits, Trevor tries a little too hard to get him to ‘let loose’ and as a result is always hungover Monday morning while Jeremy laughs at him.  Generally speaking, Trevor asks Jeremy to step in for him before lunch – there were always these awful and useless Monday morning meetings that he just had to be present for and that way he could get better and return to actually working after lunch.  

Usually, Trevor and Ari went out to lunch together (which ‘Jeremy’ would join them for in these switching times) and rewarded themselves for making it through those meetings afterward.  Thus, Trevor had never told Jeremy about this little fact – since he hated the thing Trevor and Ari had going on – and Trevor usually got to the office in time to enjoy the reward and lunch as they would make the switch during lunch without Ari noticing.

Unfortunately, on that particular Monday, the meetings ended early, and Ari had apparently decided the reward should be before lunch.  So, he invited ‘Trevor’ into his office once it ended and had immediately gone for it – kissing and touching Jeremy, who was so surprised that it took him a few minutes before he slid away.  Unfortunately, Ari had thought it was part of one of their games and since Jeremy didn’t know the code word, he had chased after him.  

Well, that was until Jeremy kneed Ari in the crotch and Trevor appeared in the doorway, unfortunately not alone.  Others had heard the chaos and were worried about what was going on.  It didn’t take long before everything was figured out.

All three of them had gotten into serious trouble – Ari for trying to have sex with Jeremy in his office, Jeremy for assaulting Ari (even if he was defending himself), and Trevor for having Jeremy stand-in for him since he technically broke his job contract.  Ari and Trevor had both been lucky to keep their jobs (and were banned from being alone together in the office while their thing was going on – well, at least for a while), and because Ari knew how important Jeremy was to Trevor and that he’d been wrong to chase after him (even if they played those types of games often) hadn’t gotten him into trouble.  Although Jeremy was banned from the office after that – and Trevor had to constantly answer questions that proved his identity whenever he went in for months.  

The Fiasco had taught them to be a bit more careful with switching lives.

“And so, never again – at the office.”

“To be fair, it was hot sneaking around at the office,” Trevor states.  “I just – learned that you have to be careful.”

“If you had told me that you and Ari had decided that Mondays you have sex in his office after those horribly boring meetings, I would’ve never gone in his office!”

“It had been working for years – and I – I wasn’t anticipating that happening, okay?  I was pretty sure he knew when we traded places.  I didn’t think I had to worry that he would – you know.”

“Yeah, well, he did,” Jeremy states, sourly.  “He was a terrible bed buddy, and I can’t believe he couldn’t tell the difference – besides, he should’ve known better since it wasn’t the first time.”

“Ooooh, when was the first time?” Flower asks, excitedly.

Trevor groans.  “We were in college – our first semester at Penn, and we had started fooling around, mainly when we’d been drinking, but hadn’t established anything.  Jeremy had surprised me with a visit and since the door was open to my room, he just entered like he owned the place…”

“…Ari was there, just doing his thing, but got excited to see me.  It was clear that he was already a little tipsy and he had assumed that I was Trevor because somehow, he didn’t realize we were twins.  And I went along with it – until he kissed me.”

“You shouldn’t have answered to my name!”

“We ALWAYS answer to each other’s name!  Besides, you didn’t tell me you were sleeping with your roommate!”

“That’s because we were just fooling around!”

“Yeah, well, you know – if you had told me…”

“Alright!  Alright!  Fair enough,” Trevor states.  “Besides, he certainly became more vigilant after that – man, you realize that’s twice you kneed him?”

“He’s lucky I don’t make it a third time after finding out about the lake.”

“You can’t go and knee him just because he threw my body in the lake – besides, the sort-of blackmail worked in our favor since it helped Sam and Jay keep the house and we got back at him during the watch thing.”

“You’re going to have to explain that.”

“It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time.”

[mourningwithmagicians]

Wed Oct 25, 2023 11:45pm 

Today was a rough day in some ways. To be honest, my work day was great. I had some laughs, nothing was too crazy or challenging, and I feel like I did my best. I know these feelings are in part due to the dreary weather. As I am writing this now in my notes app, the electricity has gone out multiple times and my WiFi is not working. 

I went to see my parents after home health, felt warm and loved, ate some good food. I saw that the bill for losing my phone was $275, which sucks, but it is what it is. I’ll pay it and move on. I paid enough for that whole debacle with two nights of lost sleep. I went to go visit some random guy (I guess we’re friends, idk) but I didn’t feel great about it. I wish I just had the day to myself. I do usually enjoy spending time with him, but I didn’t really today. 

Here is where I am at with feeling upset and unsettled: 

I feel like I need to have somebody in my life

I work a lot on the weekends, I wish I had my weekends back. Honestly, I can’t imagine needing anything if I only had my weekends off work again. I’m seriously considering this as a change. Money will come and go but my weekends in my 20s as a single woman won’t come back.

I missed him so desperately that it hurt to get out of bed this morning. So I had a dream that I saw him again and we hugged and he felt thin. It didn’t feel like love. I mean obviously it’s not the same anymore, as it shouldn’t be, but in this dream, he felt thin. That’s really all. But I guess I hadn’t seen or felt him in a dream for so long.

Dashain was really stressful. I romanticize things and am let down. I’m over it because it is what it is and we all have temper tantrums, but as my grandma gets older, I really want to be able to enjoy these moments slowly and intentionally.

Also, I just miss him. I think it’s okay to say that. I know it’s not realistic that I’ll never love again and I know it’s not realistic that I’ll never be loved again. But sometimes, it just feels that way. I know it’s not realistic, but that doesn’t mean it can’t feel true and all consuming from time to time. More than anything, I miss loving someone. I miss having someone in my arms. I miss him.

There’s that quote. There are times when the sun hits me a certain way and I can remember everything, even your ears. I want so desperately to forget. Honestly, for the most part, my brain has blocked out a lot of our stuff. I tried to think of a time we did an activity together or a romantic date like the State Fair, but I couldn’t think of anything. I did remember our initial years. Sleeping in your car after classes and clinicals. Your fleece jacket, my gray scrubs. Those memories don’t feel real. They feel like part of a dream.

I knew you’d linger like a tattooed kiss. I knew you’d haunt over my what-ifs.

I’m sad that we’re not together although I know it’s what is the reality. I know we’re not together, I know you’re no longer part of my life, and that’s the reality. I have accepted it, but it doesn’t mean there aren’t nights like this where I can’t look myself in the mirror thinking about it.

Marked me like a bloodstain. Peter losing Wendy. Indifferent like a father till it was too late.

I knew everything when I was young.

Also, a lot of the trigger for this is your birthday. Can you give me a message through the universe for what you want me to do? Should I wish you a happy birthday? Should I let it be? I hope you’re happy and getting married or something.

I guess that’s it for now.

[thatdamnokie]

i absolutely love the grunge-ish, colorful aesthetic of late-summer carnivals ☀️🎡

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

"It's okay to not be okay"

My works on Tumblr are here

Synopsis: 

(Headcannons)

A little comfort for a reader struggling at home, with family, and just self-worth all around.

Character(s): 

Dazai

Warnings:

Self-indulgent a bit

Uhhh mentions toxic surroundings?

Mentions of suicidal jokes/thoughts

Mentions of comparing Trauma

Words: 

642

He notices something wrong almost immediately

When you're less there in the present, spacing out and looking down at your phone

Of course, he’d always made note of the flight response, the blank looks, or the tired expressions

How there were always times when the slightest bit of aggravation from him could make you go rigid and look around as if trying to figure out the many ways to diffuse the situation.

He’d never take out frustrations on you, you were perfect in his eyes.

Sure, you weren't always happy, but you understood him in ways others couldn’t

The jokes that you’d return, the way you’d jump in to brainstorm ways to commit the act of a double suicide.

He’d eventually start to worry, no, he’d always been a bit worried about you.

At least with you, he could never tell when you were serious, or simply joking about the state of your mind.

“Y/n you alright?” 

It’s the constant responses 

 Yeah, why? 

Of course, ya silly idiot.

Why wouldn’t I be?

I have nothing to not be okay about.

I have you and our friends, why wouldn’t I be?

Did I do something to make you think that?

He wasn’t sure if those responses had been learned, but he didn’t care.

He still asked, over and over again.

Until that answer changed one day 

“No… not really…”

He was beside you without hesitation. 

His arms comforted you as they wrapped around you and pulled your head to his chest.

“What’s wrong dove?”

“It’s stupid, honestly there’s no reason for me to feel like this!”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, just tired. Like I could rest for years and never not be tired. I just… sometimes I wonder why I’m here. What the point of it all is. I don’t have the right though, look how blessed I am.”

“Hey… hey now. Don’t say that you don’t have the right. Even the smallest of traumas are enough to change the way we are.”

“It’s not though, I had great parents, some people get beat, but they never hurt me… I mean sure their words hurt and they got mad all the time for the stupidest shit, but… they never hurt me.”

“Verbal abuse can hurt just as much or even more than physical hurt, you know that right?”

He hated seeing the breaking point, had seen signs for years, but he’d never had you come to him.

Have you ever opened up to anybody before?

“I just want it to go away… I feel fine some days, hell I feel so happy I wonder if I may be high… but then hours later I just wanna sleep… but that’s just lazy, people live and work with depression, but I can't even get my ass out of bed.”

“Was that what they called you? Lazy? Because you’re not. You're fighting a battle harder than any battle you’ll ever fight in your life. If all you did was get up once, that’s an accomplishment, love. If all you managed to do was eat just one small bite, that is just as big an accomplishment. You are worthy of love, and what you’ve gone through affected you. Don’t de-validate yourself like this… please.”

He hoped that even if you didn’t take his words, because he knew that there’s no such thing as a quick fix, you’d be a little better, even if only by a pinch. There are people who care, and who are there to listen and help. Comparing trauma isn’t fair, and the people who put the idea that because you never experienced something “worthy” of such traumatic backlash to your brain, are idiots. 

“Why don’t I help you take a bubble bath, and then I'll order us something. We can cuddle and watch stupid rom-coms. That sound nice?”

“Yeah… it does.”

[prettierthanurbf]

So What?

Y/n walked down the halls to find her best friend, getting the overwhelming feeling she’d be stuck walking into class alone, when she finally bumped into someone she knew. “Oh, great.” She mumbled irritably.

He turned around with a grin. “Well, hello, y/n.”

She rolled her eyes at his cocky grin. “Where’s your brother?”

The question just made his grin grow wider, making your patience even thinner. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” He teased.

She let her eyes wander around the halls to avoid eye contact when her eyes landed on him, sighing in relief, she pushed past his brother and hurried off to Tom. “Hey.” She said happily.

He looked up from his book. “Nice of you to wake up early for once.” He teased.

She laughed. “My parents are going to cut me off if I miss school to sleep in.” She explained.

He looked over her head, his eyes stopping on something that made his eyebrows furrow. “Mattheo’s staring at you again.” He whispered.

She quickly spun around to meet Mattheo’s eyes, turning back around so quick she almost fell over.

Tom helped her stand. “You alright?” He asked concerned.

She put a hand to her head. “I swear if he hexed me I’ll burn the little bastard.”

Tom chuckled. “Now I might just help you with that.”

Before y/n could say anything else, the teacher opened the doors for everyone in the class to walk in.

The whole class was a blur, mostly because y/n was asleep through half of it and hurrying to copy off of To ‘a notes during the other half, paying no attention to the teacher whatsoever.

Tom had to talk to one of his teachers before the next class started, which left y/n waiting outside on a bench alone with a book until class started.

Mattheo, who had grown bored of his friend group, walked off to bug y/n, sliding onto the bench and taking the spot a little too close to y/n.

She didn’t glance up from her book or move. “What?” She asked calmly.

He raised a brow. “No snarky comment? Hm.” He hummed. “Are you feeling alright?”

She rolled her eyes. “What do you want, Mattheo?”

“Ah, there’s the tone I was looking for.” He grinned. “What’re you reading?”

She clicked her tongue. “You could check the cover, you know.”

He shrugged. “It would sound so much better coming from your lips than mine.”

She shut her book, her finger holding the page she was on, snapping her head to look at him. “What do you want, Mattheo?” She repeated, this time a little less calm.

He smirked. “Maybe I want to help with your anger issues.”

“Maybe you should work on yours first.” She said back.

He laughed. “We could work on it together.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’d rather burn. Over and over. For eternity.”

He shrugged. “I could make it worth your while.”

She raised a brow. “What’s your angle, Riddle?”

He looked away with a small grin. “There’s no angle. I just think we could help each other out.”

“Have fun finding someone for that because I’m not your girl.” She slipped a small piece of paper into her book before getting up.

“But you could be.” Mattheo mumbled, but y/n had already walked off with all her things.

His shoulders slumped. “Great.”

Tom walked over to him laughing. “Did you seriously think whatever you were planning would work?”

Mattheo scowled at his brother. “It’s not like you’ve tried getting with her. Why is she so difficult.”

“She’s not into like that.” Tom said in a ‘duh’ tone.

Mattheo scoffed. “All the girls are into me like that.”

Tom shook his head and laughed a little more. “Not the one you like like that.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t like her like that, Tommy.”

“Then stop going after her, because I swear on my life and hers I will make yours a living hell if you break her heart or mess around with her for kicks. Got it?” Tom said sternly.

Mattheo put his hands up, a familiar teasing grin growing on his face. “It’s not that deep, brother.” And with that he walked off, another grinning glance at Tom before going straight ahead to see if he could find y/n.

He didn’t see her until school was over, when the clouds were making weird shapes up and the colors were changing from the sun going down, the black lake always looked prettiest at this time of day, which is why Mattheo chose to walk alongside it, also in hopes he’d find a weird creature in the water and draw it.

He came across y/n when he was walking back to the school, she was laying on her back, her head rested on her book bag, with a different book in her hands than she was reading hours prior. He walked over to her confidently.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

She sighed. “What?”

He sat down beside her. “So this is what you do after school?”

She rolled her eyes. “Quidditch practice was canceled today.”

He nodded. “Totally forgot you were on the team.”

She glanced at him. “Is there any reason you’re here or what?”

He shrugged. “Just wanted to know how you were doing.”

She pulled a piece of paper put of her robe, handing it to Mattheo without looking away from her book. “You read that and tell me how you think I’m feeling.”

His eyes scanned over the paper. “An animagus? Seriously?”

She shrugged. “Now I’ve got to wait for my uncle Newt to come down here and talk to me about everything.”

Mattheo handed the paper back. “So you can’t go home?”

She shook her head. “Apparently my brothers tore up the place pretty bad and they’re trying to get it under control.”

“So why don’t you just stay with me and Tom?”

She snorted. “Because it’s you and Tom. I swear both of you don’t know how to not argue, especially when you’re trying to do something ‘important’.”

Matthe scoffed. “We do not!”

She raised a brow. “So we’re just gonna play that game now?”

He shrugged. “I mean…”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot if you think you don’t argue with your brother a lot.”

“Just stay with us.” It came out more as a plead than a suggestion, which was not Mattheo’s intention at all.

Y/n laughed. “Beg me.” She joked.

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, ha ha, very funny.” He said sarcastically. “Just stay with us.”

She glanced at him from her book. “If I do will you go away?”

“Maybe.” He said.

She shrugged. “Fine. Just let your brother know so it’s not a surprise or anything.”

“Okay.” Mattheo got up. “Did you finish the other book?” He asked, stopping himself from running off to find his brother so he could talk to y/n some more.

She looked up at him. “Yes. I had most of my classes to read through it.”

“How long have you had this one?”

“Since lunch. Why?”

He grinned. “No reason, no reason.”

“Why?” She repeated, this time sternly.

Mattheo looked down at her. “You’ll find out.” He winked at her before running off to find Tom.

When Spring break rolled around, y/n, Tom, and Mattheo went to Tom and Mattheo’s mansion they inherited when their dad mysteriously passed away.

Y/n explored a little since it was a bit of an upgrade from where the Riddle brothers were staying when she last stayed with them.

She stepped into a dark ish bedroom with lots of books. She walked over to the blinds and pushed them open so she could get a better look in the room.

“I usually like the curtains closed.” Mattheo said, scaring the shit out of y/n.

She turned to him with a hand over her heart. “Warn a girl next time, Mattheo!”

He laughed. “Sorry, sorry.”

She continued to look around. “You know, your room is the darkest one in this whole house. And the most gloomy.” Her eyes landed on the bookshelves. “Except for the books. They’re gorgeous.”

He chuckled. “You can go ahead and take some if you want. I’ve read all of them so I don’t really care.”

She raised a brow before laughing. “You’ve read all these? Like actually, actually? You’re not screwing with me?”

He shook his head. “Is that a surprise?”

“Yes! In all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you open a book.”

“You don’t spend any time in the library.” He stated. “That’s where I am during my free time.”

“When you’re not walking around the lake.” She said.

He laughed. “You stalking me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, Mattheo. I’ve seen you walking around like a loner because I spend most of my time by the lake. It’s where some of the hot guys at our school swim so it’s a pretty good view.”

Mattheo clenched his jaw before letting out a forced laugh. “I forgot you like staring at strangers who are half naked.”

She shrugged. “If they’re hot, they’re hot. I gotta stare.”

“You’re not like… staring at them like that, are you?” He laughed. “Cause that would be weird.”

“Oh, like how you look at me?” She said, raising a brow as a grin pulled at her lips.

He chuckled. “Now, darling, I think you’re just seeing things.”

“Oh?” She asked, walking over to him. “So if I were to take my sweater off you’d keep looking at my eyes?”

He laughed awkwardly. “Well, I think a lot of people would look, honestly…”

She raised a brow. “If your brother was changing you’d look at his chest?”

He rolled his eyes. “No. Obviously not.”

She nodded. “But you’d have a problem looking in my eyes instead of at my chest?”

“Well you’re not my sister so I can look.”

“Well now you just sound like a creep.” Y/n teased.

Mattheo scowled. “Well now you’re not being fair.”

“Oh no?” She grinned, unzipping her hoodie and sliding it off her arms. “My eyes are up here, Mattheo.”

“Screw this.” Mattheo mumbled annoyed. He cupped y/n’s face gently before pulling her in and pressing his lips against hers.

She pulled away for air after what felt like a short time period. “You do that to all the girls who try to take their sweater off?” She asked dumbfounded.

He shook his head and laughed, his hands still cupping her face. “You’re so blind sometimes, y/n.”

She raised a brow. “And you’re not?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “No?”

“You sound unsure.” She teased. “But you are.”

He rolled his eyes, pulling his hands away. “You are more than I am.”

“I’ve been in love with you since I met you.” She said quietly. “And you never noticed.”

He grinned. “So the flirting was getting to you?” He teased.

“I’ll cut your throat.” She said quickly.

He chuckled. “I’ll take my chances.” He pulled her in for another kiss, pulling away when he heard footsteps getting closer to his room.

She quickly pulled back and stood by the bookshelf, getting a book off the shelf quickly. “What’s this one about?” She asked calmly.

Matthe cleared his throat. “Uh, uhm… werewolves.” He said after clearing his throat.

Tom knocked on the door frame. “Hey, there’s hot water on the stove right now. I’ve got to stop by the market to get some more stuff for dinner. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

Mattheo grinned at y/n as Tom walked off to get his shoes on and leave for the market.

[i-luv-sweets]

|I’ll Save You| Yandere Sniper x sibling reader (Platonic) Part 2

The road trip was uncomfortably quiet. Only for Sniper though, you appeared to be enjoying the van view. Honestly Sniper was still wrapping his head around being adopted and their parents dying. However he knew he had to move on, he had to take care of you and be strong now. “Is there anything you want to know about me? Oi know that oi’m a stranger to ya.” 

vrrrrrrrrrr The hushed hum of the engine was all Sniper heard. Nothing else reached his ears. Quickly peering at your direction he saw your pondering state of mind. Mundy’s mind soon went solace, you were just thinking. It would’ve been awkward if you stayed silent.  “What’s your name? Unless you want me to call you Bro the whole time.” You spoke up not really bothering to turn your head to him since you enjoyed the view. Sniper almost made a ghost smile towards you. “Moi name is Mundy and oi don’t mind being called Bro.” He responded taking another swift glance your way. A small hum was caught by him. “How old are you?” The next question was followed directly after the hum. It almost threw Mundy off due to how swift it was. “Oi’m 26. You said you were 14 yeh?” Another hum was heard. Mundy wasn’t that bothered by your lack of response. He himself didn’t know what to say to you. Though he was grateful that you knew he was trying. Trying to at least bond with you within the first moments of meeting you. Sniper wasn’t the one to talk much, unless he was really happy or excited.  ding ding ding Taking a look at the dashboard he realized that his gas tank was almost empty. “Awh piss.” He muttered to himself. The words were caught by your ears leading you to hold in a snicker. Mundy looked up at you and chuckled lightly. “Don’t go sayin stuff loike that.” You simply crossed your arms rather childishly. “I’m 14, I should be allowed to say that as well.” You reasoned and made Mundy reach over to ruffle your head. “Not in moi van.” This was great in Mundy’s mind. If he kept on having moments like this, you two should have a good sibling relationship. Taking a few turns they ended up at a gas station. The sharpshooter took a few dollars out of his wallet and handed them to you. “Go ahead and buy a snack and drink. Stay away from strangers though ok?” Giving him a firm nod before advancing into the store. Entering the small gas station you stayed quiet and browsed the shelves. Soon settling on a pack of jerky and soda. Taking a scan at your brother through the window, you grew a small grin. He wasn’t the person you’d expect from looking at the old photos in the house. In a few pictures it showed him being a nervous and geeful kid. He did seem a bit nervous but now he must’ve learned how to compose himself. It would’ve been nice to see him talk a bit more though. Another photo showed him in a tree throwing rocks. At least that one made sense. Especially since you saw his sniper rifle. However, no matter what you expected that man was your brother. In all fairness he wasn’t that bad. He didn’t speak much to you but it was assuming because he was used to being alone.  Going up to the cashier, you placed your items and money on the counter. The girl at the register ringed you up and packed your things in a small bag. “Is that your dad?” She asked leaning over the counter. You shook your head and grabbed the bag and the change. “He’s my big bro.” You responded in a polite tone before walking away. “He looks like a...” The woman trailed off watching you proceed out the doorway and back to the van.  You entered the vehicle quietly and sat down eating your jerky. Sniper finished up filling his van before he glanced back inside the building. When he didn’t see you inside he instantly assumed the worst. Seeing his panicked state you got out of the car and tugged on his sleeve. “Gah!” Sniper jolted up in bewilderment. “I was already inside the van.” You spoke taking out a piece of jerky and chewing it. Mundy moved his hands to his hips and bounced on his feet for awhile. “Yer a quiet one arent’cha?” He spoke with a hint of jesting in his tone. You moved your head to the side considering that me might be right. “I tend to have a bad habit of doing that. I used to scare ma and dad accidentally when they called for me.” You mentioned going back inside the car. The australian couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought. You must’ve been a real bugger to ma and pa. He was imagining you silently standing in the doorway with one of their parents having a flabbergasted expression upon turning around. The thought making him have a bittersweet smile, one that you didn’t fail to notice. He then hopped into the van and started it up before he continued to drive down the road. Sikk The sound of your soda bottle being opened was heard. Thankfully the silence in the van this time was more serene than before. Lacking the awkwardness it held a few minutes ago. “Can I open the window?” You asked in a meek tone. Sniper gave you a quiet hum of approval letting you press the button to pull the window down. It was amusing to see you stick your hand out and make a waving motion with it. While you were occupied with your hand, Mundy kept his eyes on the road for the camping grounds. He could have camped in the forest with just both of you. But they weren’t in any danger as of right now. So it should be acceptable to stay in a public camp for now. “Do ya loike campin?” The bushman questioned as he scratched his face. Not tearing your gaze away from your flowing hand you responded to him. “Yeah, I’d do it in the front or backyard of the house.” You decided against yourself to mention both of your parents. Based on the hollow smile you saw on him. It was not only you hurting, it was him as well. Resting your arm on the side of the window you let the lukewarm breeze blow against your face. It was very nice to be frank, you and your older brother had a lot of things in common. Both are an outdoors person, both quiet, and...Actually that’s all you could think of at the moment. You were sure that you’d learn more about him later. Him the same with you as well. It wasn’t long until the two of you reached your destination. Sniper parked the van in a secluded area away from others. “Oi’ll set up the fire. Go ahead and explore, not too far though.” You gave him a thumbs up before walking off to check out the camping grounds. You saw a few squirrels and birds, along with other people on the other side of the campgrounds. Not going over to the people you set your sites on another place. There was a lake that caught your attention, the glistening blue waters drawing you in closer. There were 3 boulders leading into the lake. Each one bigger than the other. Leaping onto the large rocks you soon stood on the largest one. Sitting down on  it you decided to gaze at the water below. It was very dark, the shadows from the setting sun not really helping you enjoy it. The shallow part was enjoyable, however seeing the lake being layered deeper and deeper into the dark blue abyss it made you uncomfy.  “Y/N! Come back, oi got tha fire started!” You heard your big brother call out to you. Glancing at the lake one last time, you blew a raspberry at it before running back to him. Upon reaching the van you sat on a log near the fire. You watched as Mundy put hot dogs on spits and roasted them over the hot flaming embers. It interested you a bit on how he started it since there was no matches or lighters. Sniper caught on to your curious gaze and hummed. “Oi’m gonna teach ya how ta survive in tha wilderness too don’t worry.” Giving him a simple thumbs up you went back to looking between the fire and the lake. “O-Oi’m gonna be honest, ya won’t be attending school no more. It would be best if ya learned survival in case that sharpshooter comes for our heads.” He sputtered out while tapping his foot anxiously. Giving him a shrug you started to grow a smile. “I already learned the educational basics. I’ll be fine without school anyways.” You answered making Sniper hold back a grin, excited to show you how to hunt, track, and maybe even shoot. A content expression grew on your face. You had to admit, he was a cool family member. The most recent memory of Mundy being mentioned was when dad would berate him on the phone. Only for him to hang up and have a proud look plastered on his face. Mundy handed you your food and you happily took it. Another session of comfortable silence between you two. As the night overcame the sky you felt obligated to look up. It was always nice to see the sky without the city lights. You would be able to see the whole blanket of stars without them. Such a breathtaking scene that you could always see in certain areas. Taking a glance at your sibling you saw him staring up at the sky as well. Soon the two of you stopped your stargazing and decided to wrap it up for the night.  “You can sleep in tha back, oi’ll sleep in the drivers seat.” He spoke up before unlocking the van for you to enter. The inside consisted of a bed and drawers containing clothes probably. Your backpack full of clothes was also hanging on the wall. “Goodnight bro.” You said settling into the bed. Mundy tipped his hat to you and gave you a brief smile. “G’night lil ankle biter.”

[fandomlovingfreak]

Glacial Passion (6/?)

Regulus Black/Reader

Rating: SFW, T+, NO LEMON

Trigger Warning: Arranged Marriage

Word Count: 1991

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link

Summary: Glacial, cold, icy… all words that described Regulus Black’s grey eyes. Was there truly no emotion behind those eyes, or did a caring man exist beneath? Could she defrost those glacial eyes?

Disclaimer: Regulus Black (Walburga Black, Orion Black, and Sirius Black) is a character from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. Reader or y/n is not owned by Rowling. This work has not been created for profit or financial compensation, and is a transformative fair use work in accordance with Section 107 of the United States Copyright Act.

Notes: No real notes today! I hope you enjoy. This story took a “lighter tone” than I expected (at least I hadn’t expected it to, maybe you did ! aha!) but I actually like writing happier stories so I guess my brain just went “cowabummer bro, you’re writing some happy fiction even if you didn’t want to”

Enjoy

***

"Where are we going?" (y/n) asks. 

Regulus felt a bit relieved that (y/n) agreed to come along on his little surprise trip. After last night, which he now realized was a complete mistake, he wasn't sure that his wife would willingly agree to go out in public with him. Especially if he promised some sort of surprise.

She hadn't asked him any questions until they were walking outside, her arm tucked nicely within his. Like it was meant to be there.

"If I told you, it would ruin the surprise." Regulus glances over at his wife. She's got a deep frown on her face. It doesn't exactly mar her beautiful face, but it reminds him a bit too much of his mother's annoyed expression. "Just trust me."

Her little huff of annoyance he decides is enough of a response.

Regulus tries to think of Sirius's advice. Get to know (y/n), even the small things he personally thought were unnecessary to know about a person-- moot things about her. And in turn, be vulnerable enough to share small things back.

"So-- uh, (y/n)."

"Yes?" she looks at him with confusion in her eyes.

"I thought we ought to try and start fresh."

"Fresh?"

"I don't know how else to move from here if we don't have a clean slate."

"I hardly think that would work."

Merlin-- "(y/n)," he stops, halting her as well, "I said I would try to give you what you want. If you shut me down, there's no chance I can."

She gives him a look, "Regulus--"

"Listen," he inhales, collecting himself, "I'm not good at this. You'll have to be patient with me, but I'm willing to figure this out. And I probably won't--" He pauses, "I probably will mess up, a lot. But, please. Give me a chance."

(y/n) studies his face, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I understand that I'm asking you to step outside of your comfort zone, and I appreciate that you're being open with me."

Regulus smiles, muttering, "Sirius was right." Under his breath.

"What?" (y/n) asks.

"Nothing." Regulus takes her hand in his, "this can be like our first date."

(y/n) smiles, amused, "this is silly--"

"I was serious last night that I will try."

"No pretending. You swear you will not pretend with me?"

"That's why I am asking that we start fresh. Give me a chance. I'm not good at this-- relationships. I need time and patience."

She seems to contemplate his words, "Okay. But--"

"Yes?"

(y/n) looks down at her feet for a moment before looking at him again, "If we're going to-- start over, it needs to be slower."

"Slower?" He frowns. What the devil is she talking about, slower?

"I mean," (y/n) purses her lips, "I mean that it has to feel like we're actually starting a new relationship."

Regulus chuckles, "you want me to court you?"

(y/n) smiles, "if those are the words you think describes what we are trying to do, then yes. I think I would like you to court me."

Now he feels silly making the suggestion because he has no idea what courting entails. He can barely flirt!

"I mean-- I can try."

(y/n) grins. He's at a loss for words. Not once in the time he's known her-- been married to her, has he seen her look this happy. Clearly, Sirius's advice was half-decent. For the first time since (y/n) walked down the aisle towards him, he felt something. Hopefully, the beginning of something great between them.

***

"You brought me to— the Eiffel tower?" (Y/n) looks up towards the cloudy sky.

Regulus flushes, "It's not just the Eiffel Tower."

(Y/n) laughs, "it looks like it's just the Eiffel Tower—"

"Just—"Regulus lets out a frustrated sound, "it's more than that." He pulls her towards one of the legs of the metal tower. He supposes that enough muggles are wandering around that they wouldn't notice the disappearance of the young couple. He pulls his wand out of thin air, tapping where the witch at the hotel told him to. The metal of the tower seems to melt and twist, magically revealing an entrance.

"What—"(y/n) grips his hand tighter, "I had no idea."

"Neither did I. It's called Caché à la Vue," Regulus grins, "c'mon, Mrs. Black."

They walk through the entrance, the metal contorting back into shape behind them.

In front of them, a bustling street moves around them. Wizards and Witches bustle around carrying cauldrons, brooms, and colorful bags holding other wizarding tools. A group of young girls rushes by, giggling in their blue Beauxbaton school uniforms. 

"Oh— it feels like Diagon Alley," (y/n) comments as she steps closer to him, her shoulder bumping his arm as she squeezes his hand.

Regulus nods, keeping her close as they walk further into the crowd.

"I didn't expect it to be like this," he glances at (y/n). She's looking around with interest at the many shops and people. 

"Let's go in here," she's pulling him towards a shop that smells of lavender and sage. The shop is small but comforting with its earthy color scheme and almost luminescent glow. 

"Oh wow," (y/n) detaches herself from him for the first time since crossing into Caché à la Vue. Regulus watches her poke around the shop, always keeping a two-foot distance from her.

(y/n) seems to notice the hovering, "Why are you-- being so weird?" She's got an amused smile on her face. Regulus tries to relax, stepping a foot closer.

"I'm just giving you space."

"Don't you want to look too?" (y/n) beckons him closer, reaching for his hand. He obliges his wife, letting her point out small trinkets and items. 

***

The busy street of Caché à la Vue frames Regulus as I sit across from him. Once we had explored nearly every shop on the busy street, Regulus had tugged me towards one of the little Bistros, mumbling about it being a recommendation or something of that sort. I didn't fight his insistence to stop and eat. I hadn't had much for breakfast or lunch back at the hotel.

The afternoon hadn't been awful. In fact, I was enjoying myself more than I expected. It only partly-- honestly, completely, had to do with the sudden changes in how Regulus and I interacted. He suddenly was more sociable and curious about who I was. Which was sort of confusing, but at this moment, I felt more confident in our marriage. That maybe we did have a chance to fall in love, or even just co-exist happily together. If co-existing was all that could come from this, then I wished it to be at least a peaceful union.

Yet, I want to know him as much as he seems to suddenly want to know me, so I ask questions about his childhood and his life. At first, he seems reserved to answer some of my inquiries, making me more curious about the information he is holding back from me. 

"So--" I set down my teacup, "how was it like growing up in Grimmauld Place?"

This seems to be another question he hesitates over as he stares down at his plate for a full thirty seconds, making me nervous.

"Do you want the truth?"

I stiffen. The tone of his voice has me wondering if it was a good question to ask after all, "I would if you don't mind answering."

Regulus takes another moment to collect his thoughts, "I don't really remember much before going to school. My parents are-- you can probably tell they are not the friendliest of people." The understatement of the century. "They weren't good parents, if I'm being honest."

"What do you mean?" I suddenly feel uncomfortable as I continue down this path.

"(y/n), maybe this isn't a conversation for public." Merlin, that only makes me want to press for more information, but the look on his face tells me all I need to know at this moment. He will tell me the truth, but if he's more comfortable doing so behind closed doors, who am I to push him for an answer right now?

"Is it that bad?" I do feel a bit sick over how he's reacting to this question.

He looks down at his hands before looking back at me. His eyes are back to the icy grey I know so well. "It's not great." I have to look away from his eyes. "Do you know I have an older brother?"

"But--" Regulus is the Heir? How could he have--?

"Sirius was disowned when he was sixteen, effectively passing the burden of the House of Black to me."

"Do you still-- are you still in contact with him--Sirius?"

"I am, but privately. Walburga wouldn't approve. She likes to think that Sirius never existed in the first place."

"That's horrible!" I couldn't imagine pretending one's child never existed-- "what did Sirius do?"

"He ran away after refusing-- well refusing to do what we have done, I suppose." I stare at Regulus, shocked.

"I mean, he didn't-- doesn't believe in the Pureblood idealogy."

I pause, reflecting for a moment on his words. Is he saying Sirius ran away when his parents tried to make a match between himself and some Pureblood girl?

"Are you saying he ran away from an arranged marriage?" Regulus nods.

Merlin's-- He was only sixteen? "Your parents, they really tried to-- he was so young--?"

Regulus nods, "Too young, I know." Not that I felt the ages we were are any more acceptable, but sixteen? He would've been in the middle of school! Just a kid!

"I can't blame him for running away--" I let the words slip without thinking, quickly feeling guilty for saying such a thing to the man I'm married to. The man I married for the same reason his brother left the exclusive circle we exist within. "No offense, of course--" 

Instead of looking offended or getting angry, how I expect, Regulus laughs. A real genuine laugh.

"It's not that funny, Regulus!" The words had just slipped out of my mouth before my brain processed my rudeness.

"You are exactly like Sirius. It's freakish." He grins.

"What does that mean?" I'm hopeful he's complimenting me.

Regulus takes my hand in his over the table, "You just remind me of him. Both of you are unapologetically yourselves. I envy that."

I want to tell him I'm nothing like his brother. Sirius was able to leave the life we grew up in. I clearly didn't have the balls to leave. But, I don't want to say that, not when we're getting along so well right now. 

"You can be unapologetically yourself, Regulus."

His smile is small as he looks down at our intertwined fingers, "I'm afraid I can't be. At least not publically."

"I can't exactly be publically myself either, especially now, but maybe in private, yeah? When it's just us."

He gently lifts my hand up to tenderly press a kiss to my knuckles. My breath hitches at the suddenness of his actions, and I feel suddenly warm. "When it's just us." His agreement, the tone of his voice when he agrees-- it's incredibly intimate.

Dumbly, I nod. Regulus smiles, kindness reaching his eyes and thawing out the ice they held earlier.

After a beat of silence, one I could not find words to fill, Regulus speaks. "Was there anything else you wanted to see?"

I find my voice, at last, saying I did not believe so. 

***

I felt delirious with desire watching her squirm after my lips left her knuckles. 

Something about (y/n) fascinated me and made me want her, all of her. I knew she felt the same way, even after the way our relationship started. I could tell by the way her lips parted and her breath hitched that she felt that spark between us. 

That spark gave me some hope that everything was going to turn out just fine.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

either a prompt or reaction: codsworth and romanced hancock reacting to a distraught sole telling them that shaun is the leader of the institute.

Thanks so much for the ask, anon!

So I really wanted to do a drabble for this one, but it’s been a crazy week and I'm about to work a few 14 hour days at work and I wanted to get this out before my untimely demise. If you want to see this as more of a drabble, I'm happy to do it, just let me know and I can get it out once I'm alive again 😅

Codsworth:

He wouldn't believe it at first. The Mr. Handy would have a hard time grasping the fact that "young" Shaun is now older than his mistress/master. He would act very similar to how he had when Sole first found him after leaving vault 111.

There would definitely be a good bit of denial on his part before the information would really sink in. Poor Sole wouldn’t have much in the way of consolation right after they initially told him.

When he finally does grasp the reality of the situation, he is nearly as distraught as Sole is. Not necessarily because he thinks the institute is evil and he hates the idea that Shaun is its leader, but rather because he understands that Sole never got to see their son grow up. All of that lost time really gets to him. He knows what it's like to lose time with people you care about.

Once fully realizing the gravity of the situation, he would become the ultimate caretaker. He would give Sole a purified water every time he saw them tear up, and make them the wasteland version of their favourite comfort meal. He would be sure to check their bed and blankets, and keep them as clean and comfortable as possible, and would make sure Sole didn't have to lift a finger if they wanted to stay in bed all day. When they got up to do anything, Codsworth would be close behind, too worried to take his image receptors off of them for more than a couple minutes at a time. Codsworth has already lost one of their family members, and now Sole had told him Shaun was essentially lost to them as well, but they had each other, and Codsworth wanted to be absolutely sure that they knew he was there for them.

After the initial shock of the situation has worn off and some time has passed, he may utter the occasional joke for Sole, just so he can see them smile again. (Or scoff and roll their eyes at his puns, just anything but that distant melancholy look they've had plastered on their face since they returned from the Institute).

If anyone was to bring up the subject of destroying the institute or were openly bad-mouthing Shaun as it's leader, Codsworth would hush them and shoo them away until Sole told him that it was time to discuss the future of the institute and what to do about it. After that, he would still monitor conversations and intervene if he felt like anyone was being insensitive.

Hancock:

Hancock wouldn’t take his eyes off the space Sole had vanished from. Whether they were gone at the institute a few hours or a few days, he would remain, fingers absent-mindedly tearing bits of skin from his hands anxiously as he stared ahead. He wouldn’t even notice what he was doing until he felt a wetness, and looked down for a moment to see the blood crusting under his cracked fingernails. His head would snap back up to continue his watch. The moment the blue light flashes, indicating Sole’s return, he would have them in his arms, hugging them tightly before pulling back and running his hands along their body, making sure they were safe, that they were unhurt, that they were them. Only after Sole ensured him that they were unhurt would he allow others to approach them.

After the initial welcome had died down, Sole would indicate for Hancock to follow them to their house, their gaze falling heavily on Shaun’s crib as they led him to their room and closed the door. As soon as Sole told him what happened in the Institute, he would be absolutely furious. He would look down with a furrowed brow, fists clenching tightly as he tried to control his expression for Sole’s sake. He wouldn’t even be sure what pissed him off the most. Maybe it's the clinical and borderline dismissive way in which Shaun had spoken to his parent after knowing all that they had gone through to find him, or the way that he had used the child synth version of himself to experiment on Sole before he had even spoken to them himself, or the fact that he is the leader of a bigoted, self-righteous institution that actively practices slavery and mercilessly preys on the people of the Commonweath. He wasn’t entirely sure, but he could practically feel his blood boiling beneath his skin.

However, though the ghoul would be fuming, he would hold it together in order to best help Sole. No matter how livid he is, he knows that bad-mouthing their son probably isn't the best way to help Sole at this point. Even if their son was a cold, unfeeling, pious, self-centered son of a-- … ah, nevermind.

Initially, he might offer some sort of pick-me-up if that's something he knows Sole is into (it’s honestly just a built-in reflex to ask at this point). If they’re not about it, he'll be there for them in whatever way they choose to deal with this grief. If they want to drink themselves into a stupor until they forget their own name, he'll rub their back through the night and care for them the morning after. If they want to cry and wail until their throat is raw and their tears run dry, he'll bring them some purified water and hold onto them as tightly as he can as they're racked by their sobs. If they want to dose themselves up with enough chems to compete with his own bouts of crippling self-medication, he'll be there to help them through any rough trips and keep them from taking it too far. He'll be there for all of it, never leaving their side, even neglecting himself in the process.

That being said, he'd only let them go so far once. After their initial bout of grief, he'll encourage them not to fall into the same patterns that he once did (and still sometimes finds himself in). He'll tell them it's a bad plan, unless they wanna end up lookin like him. Sole was better than that, better than him, and he'd be sure to tell them that.

Now he’d be the one to go into the caretaker phase, ensuring Sole was eating enough, and sleeping the right amount, always offering them water, the occasional chem, (again, only if they’re into that), and he would constantly be talking to them. To distract them, to compliment them, to tell them how much they mean to him, and to tell them about his plans for their future, making sure they know they’ve got plenty left to live for, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.

He will constantly remind them of their worth, and the fact that their son's position in the institute has nothing to do with their role as his parent, or as a person in general. He'll tell them it's not their fault, and remind them that they did everything they could, and no one would have been able to do more than Sole had in this situation, given that it was clearly completely out of their hands.

Sole will have to be the one to bring it up, but Hancock will be happy to help them work through what to do about the Institute. Even though he has strong negative feelings for the faction, he would try and hold his tongue for the most part, as he understands that Sole would be feeling a great amount of conflict when it comes to the subject of the destruction of the institute; and, ultimately, the death of their child.

He’d be afraid of the mental toll this would take on Sole, but they would cross that bridge when they came to it, and in the end, he’s confident his Sole will do what’s best for the people of the Commonwealth, no matter how much it hurts them. It’s one of the things he loves most about them, and no matter how broken they become after enduring this strife, he’ll be there to pick up the pieces. He may not be the best with coping mechanisms, but he’ll be damned if he lets Sole fall into the same destructive patterns he had when he’d been in such a state. No, he’ll be there to make sure they don’t make the same mistakes he once did. The same mistakes that they had saved him from. It was only fair, after all.

[ghostdrew22]

Burning From The Inside Out || Draco Malfoy

Requested: No Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: slight angst, slight smut, swearing, mentions of abuse and self-harm Summary: Draco and Y/N evolve from fake dating to friends with benefits to… nothing? Commitment issues, and a general distaste for love, stand in the way of the two of them becoming more.

WORDS : 4710

Lyric snippets I used are from “Love Song” by YUNGBLUD and they’re not in chronological order.

<~>

“All I learned growing up was that love chewed me up Spit me out on the pavement next to the cuts And the blood that my mum and dad would Always take out on each other.”

Draco had always thought that love was fake- a neurological con job meant to bring your guard down and distract you from the more important things in life such as money, sex and success. It made sense why he felt that way- having grown up watching his parents claw at each other until blood was caught between their nails and the venom from their harsh words was lacing the atmosphere so thickly, it felt like a fog- he was bound to think that love didn’t exist.

So when his friends began ask why he wasn’t dating one of the many people that were basically falling at his feet, he froze up. How could he have possibly explained that he thought love was a ridiculous waste of time because he’d watched his parents approach to it and it scarred him so much that he wanted to leave the whole thing alone? He couldn’t. So he did the next best thing, he asked you to fake-date him.

It was a ludicrous idea, you both knew that, but you were his best friend for years and you loved him an immeasurable amount so you figured that there was no harm in helping him out. Besides, you had a lot of people hot on your trail too and you just weren’t interested in romantically committing to anyone- more attracted to the concept of sex with no strings than to the idea of being in a long-term romantic relationship with someone.

But in all honestly, you still don’t know why you’d agreed to do it, it was stupid and a very obvious recipe for disaster. I mean in the moment it had felt like a good enough idea to get Harry Potter off of your back and Pansy Parkinson off of his, but even at the time you knew that you were playing with fire and one of you was bound to get burned.

And the thought surfaced again when you two crossed territory from friends to friends with benefits. It had started with an innocent kiss on his cheek now and then- to convince everyone that you two were actually dating- but as the weeks went by and people began to get suspicious about your lack of PDA (considering Draco’s possessive nature and your touchy nature) it became apparent that the two of you had to up your game. And one afternoon when you were kissing him on the way to class, a switch seemed to flip and soon enough you were pressed up against the broom closet wall as he sunk himself deep inside your walls- trying then and there to drown every inch of you with his touch, to leave every part of you scorching with the feel of him.

It definitely wasn’t love, that much you knew. It was more just an insatiable hunger to destroy one another - to be the best that either of you had ever had so that you would both be ruined for whoever dared to come next. Maybe that should’ve been the first red flag, the first time you noticed just how toxic your little routine was, but it didn’t matter then and frankly, it doesn’t matter much to you now. Because with him logic is quickly thrown out the window and all you can seem to think about is sinking your teeth into him, making him yours, branding him so that the entire school knows not to touch what you’ve claimed as your own- even if there’s no romantic feelings involved, there’s still a harsh possession that nests itself within your relationship. A dark desire to own and be owned in the most filthy of ways, to be looked at like a meal and devoured like a feast by one and one only.

~~~

“Wanna get rid of my period for 9 months?” You groan from your place on the bed and Draco gapes at you.

“Y/N you are so foul!” He exclaims with a chuckle and you barely manage a laugh in your pained state. “Most girls would offer to take me out to dinner first, maybe undress me slowly-“

“When have I ever undressed you slowly?” You ask with a knowing eyebrow raise and Draco smirks back at you.

“Fair point.” He replies and you groan in pain again, “It’s okay, I’m coming don’t worry.” He drops his schoolbag on your bedroom floor and peels his shoes off of his feet before pulling out a brown paper bag from his schoolbag and crawling into bed beside you.

“I got you meds from Madame Pomfrey, drink this now.” He hands you a potion, “It should kick in within the hour.”

“That’s too long.” You whine and he deadpans you- making you shift under his gaze and drink the potion. “It tastes like utter shit.”

“You drink it every month, why aren’t you used to it?” He asks with a laugh and you shrug.

“I think I force myself to forget.”

“Weirdo.” He mumbles before digging back into the paper bag, “I brought you chocolate and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans to keep you munching.” He pulls out the snacks and hands them to you, “Heat compress to alleviate the pain till the potion kicks in.” He puts the heat compress on your lower abdomen, “And I brought ’Sense & Sensibility’ from the library to keep you distracted.”

“Why ’Sense & Sensibility’?”

“Because I know that you’ve currently got your obsession with muggle authors and I remember you telling me that you loved this woman’s other book so I just grabbed it quickly.” He shrugs and you smile, already starting to feel a little better.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me, we do this every month Y/N.” He chuckles.

He’s right, it is your routine. For as long as you can remember being friends with Draco, you can remember him looking after you whenever you have a really bad period- bringing you snacks, massaging you, singing to you, running you baths, anything that could possibly make you feel better. It’s consistent, one of the only things you both have to rely on, but you still can’t help the feeling of immense gratitude that washes over you every time. He always goes above and beyond for you, and you can’t help but feel grateful for him.

“Now,” He says as he drags your attention back to reality, “do you want me to read to you or do want cuddles?” He raises his eyebrows at you and you already know the answer.

“Cuddles.” He laughs at how quickly you respond and puts the book on the table beside your bed before hooking his arms around your waist and helping you both sink into the covers- your head nuzzled into chest as he lays flat on his back and rubs soothing circles into your own.

“Better?” He asks after a few minutes of him massaging your back and you nod eagerly- bringing your fingers up to trace lines across his collarbone in an effort to keep yourself occupied. He shivers at the feeling of your fingertips against his skin and you smile. “Keep doing that and I will have to take you up on that offer of taking away your period for nine months.”

~~~

“Nobody taught me how to love myself.”

“Standing there, you look at me Understanding everything”

The sudden eruption of voices in the hallway has you rapidly turning your neck toward the sound, just in time to catch a glimpse of Draco storming away from the rest of his exhausted quidditch teammates and into another hallway that leads to the dungeons. From what you’d seen he had looked furious and the rest of the team looks very solemn, so you say goodbye to Tracey Davis and quickly shuffle toward the team so that you can ask Blaise what happened.

Blaise catches your eye right before you reach him and opens his arms to hug you- draping one arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him so he can kiss your forehead. “Bad practice, he couldn’t do anything right today.” He says- already knowing what question was on your mind.

“Do you know what’s up with him?” You look up at him with furrowed eyebrows and his shakes his head with a shrug.

“No clue. He was perfectly fine this morning, then by the time practice came he was fuming.”

“He’s angry?”

“He was angry. Now he’s just… sad?” Blaise sighs, “I really don’t know what’s going on, please check on him?”

You nod with a small smile and make to leave, “I’ll go see him right now.”

By the time you reach the common room Draco’s already in his room- something you figured out from the sound of his door slamming harshly- and you trek up to it nervously.

“Draco?” You ask softly as you open the door and find him hunched over his desk- still fully draped in quidditch gear.

He snaps his head up quickly and meets your eyes with a cold stare. “What?”

“Okay, rude.” You mumble as you step into the room and lean against the door.  “Are you okay?”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes as he turns to face you from across the room, “Yeah, I’m bloody great.” He shrugs, “I’m the world’s worst seeker and my mother’s in the hospital, it’s truly a wonderful life.” He drawls sarcastically.

You push yourself off of the door at the mention of his mother and quickly stride toward him, “What do you mean your mother’s in the hospital?” You raise your eyebrows- concern erupting from your throat.

He doesn’t say anything but slowly turns behind him and picks up a letter from the desk to hand to you. He sighs and leans against the desk as you take it from him and begin to read the letter from his father.

a mild heart attack as she fell down the stairs.

Your eyes glaze over with anger as you scrunch the letter up and toss it to the ground. You’re no stranger to the abuse that goes on in the Malfoy household- having heard it yourself one night when you’d spend a weekend at their home- and you know that what Lucius really means is that he hit her so hard that she had to be hospitalised. You open your mouth to speak but Draco shakes his head and cuts you off.

“No. No Speaking.” You nod as he sighs and rubs his hands across his face in frustration. You take no offense at his words because, to be honest, nothing you could’ve said would make it better anyway. This has happened so often, too often really, that the two of you have evolved passed the need to converse about it.

“Fuck!” He exclaims suddenly and you flinch at the outburst- making him soften instantly as he turns to face you. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to startle you.”

You nod in forgiveness and he reaches his arms out for you, and you do as he asks and sink into his arms- running your hands through his hair as he leans on the desk and you stand.

“I hate him.”

“I know.” You pull away from him and cup his face so he looks into your eyes. “Go take a shower, you stink.”

He laughs sadly and nods as he stands and starts walking to the bathroom. He stops midway and turns back to you, “Will you still be here when I get back?”

“Where else would I go?” You raise your eyebrows at him with a smile and he smiles back before slipping into his prefect bathroom to shower.

While he’s showering you decide to get changed into something more comfortable- putting on one of his shirts over your underwear- and put out his favourite pyjama pants on the bed for him to wear once he’s gotten out of the shower. Then you climb into his bed and start reading the copy of ‘Sense & Sensibility’ that he got after reading with you and realising Jane Austen is actually pretty good, while you wait for him to get done.

“Nobody taught me how to love myself So how can I love somebody else?”

You’re so entranced by the book that you don’t even notice him come back into the room until he’s speaking to you from the foot of the bed. “Did you take these out for me?”

“Mhmm.” You respond without taking your eyes off the page in front of you.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welco-“ You gasp as your eyes come off the page and meet his figure. He’s still dripping from the shower, a towel tied around his torso, and he’s got bruises all around his abdomen. “Draco!”

You get up and climb round the bed to get him, and he barely has any time to slide his bottoms on before he starts shuffling away from you.

“It’s nothing, I promi-“ He winces as soon as one of your hands makes contact with a bruise near his ribs.

“Draco.” You pull your hand back angrily and speak with a warning tone.

“Y/N it’s-“

“You promised me this would stop.” You state firmly and he gulps in fear. “We’ve been friends what, 6 years now? And in the six years that we’ve known each other I’ve done a countless amount of shit for you, no fucking questions asked. I ask, no, I beg you to do one thing and you can’t even do that?”

“It just happened.” He sighs tiredly and you scoff with a laugh.

“No, it didn’t just happen. You let it happen. Or am I wrong?”

“I-“

“You know what? I don’t even want to hear it.” You walk back to the bed with a shake of your head.

You’ve asked him a million times not to go sparring with Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle before Quidditch practice because he always comes back black and blue- smothered in painful bruises on his entire abdomen. He only does it because he thinks that he deserves the pain, that in some weird way he’s getting what’s due to him for existing. It’s his own way of self-harming and it’s led him to Madame Pomfrey more times than you can possibly remember.

He promised you months ago that he’d stop for good, that he’d start taking better care of himself and stop looking for excuses to get hurt when he felt bad about himself.  But bad habits, it seems, tend to die hard when you’re self-loathing masochist who can’t trust his best friend enough to talk to her when he starts to feel like shit.

“I’m sorry, I just needed something to take my mind off of it.” He trails behind you and picks up his wand to cast a silencing charm- anticipating the screaming match that you’re both about to have.

“Why didn’t you just talk to me? I’m your fucking best friend, what the hell else am I here for?”

“I know, I’m sorry I just…”

“You just?”

“I’m always coming to you with my problems, burdening you with my thoughts and it’s just not fair.”

“What?” You snap at him in confusion.

“I come crying to when my parents are doing their usual shit, I come to you when I have a bad Quidditch game, I come to you when I get a bad grade- fuck- I even come to you when I’m too scared to get into a relationship-“

“I chose to help you with that, don’t fucking act like you forced me into this because it was mutually beneficial.”

“That’s not the bloody point Y/N!” He yells in exasperation.

“Then what is the fucking point Draco?” You yell back.

He sighs, clenches his fists and closes his eyes. “The point is, I’m more bad than good for you, I’m a burden.”

You gasp at his words and sit on the edge of the bed as you look up at him in astonishment. That’s what he said to you the first time that you talked about his home life, ‘I think that they fight because of me, I ruined their lives. I’m a burden.’

“You’re not a burden.”

“You say that now. Until the day when you want more comes and I can’t give it to you.” He sits on the edge of the bed beside you, “One day this won’t be enough- you’ll want someone who can love you the way that you want to be loved- and I won’t be strong enough to do that. And then I’ll lose the only good thing I have in my life.”

“I’ll never leave you- I don’t think I could even if I tried.” You laugh awkwardly and pull him into your chest for a hug. “I don’t want more Draco, I don’t think I ever will. It sounds hard to believe but being best friends who occasionally have mind-boggling sex is quite enough for me, it makes me happy.”

“Promise me that you’ll tell me if you want more.” He mumbles into your chest.

“I promise bug.” You whisper as you rub his back soothingly- letting him relax into your embrace.

After a few seconds of silence he speaks again, “They’re going to kill each other.” He whispers- so quiet that you think maybe you imagined it-   before a soft sob escapes his lips.

“Shh, it’s okay.” You whisper back and continue soothing him by running your fingers along his bare back- stopping every few seconds to massage his ribs a bit- in an effort to help him calm down.

You don’t tell him that they won’t, because in all honesty you don’t know if they won’t, but you hold him tight for as long as he needs and promise him that you’ll be there for him. And that’s enough for the both of you- knowing that you’ll always be there for each other.

You sit like that for a while as he calms down and his breathing evens out- his head in your chest as one of your hands holds his and the other digs into his skin softly. It’s when he stops rubbing his thumb along the back of your hand, and instead starts rubbing it up and down your thigh, that you realise he’s finally breathing normally again. “Y/N?”

“Hm?” You hum in response as he pulls his head out of your chest and brings his lips up to your neck.

“Can we have some of that mind-boggling sex you talked about?” He asks against your collarbone and you laugh at his sudden change in attitude.

“I take it someone’s feeling better?” You ask as you let him take control of the situation and push you onto your back against the mattress.

“No.” He says, voice muffled as his lips graze against the skin on your neck, as his hands travel along your sides delicately. “But I need to feel you.”

“Dra-“ You start to protest- wanting to tell him that he can’t fuck his sadness away- but he cuts you off with a chaste kiss to your lips as his hands find their way beneath the t-shirt that you’re wearing and come up to unhook your bra.

“Please?” He asks desperately when he finally pulls away from your lips, his voice raw and raspy, “Let me take care of you princess.”

You’re still hesitant to agree, worried that he’s using this as a coping mechanism and scared that it’ll worsen the pain he’s feeling in his abdomen, but his lips find that soft spot behind your ear and you melt into his grasp like ice-cream on a thirty-degree day. “Let me make you feel good.”

“Okay.” Is all you say before he’s making good on his promise and making you feel so good that it’s as if there’s lava crawling beneath your bones.

His lips and hands are everywhere you need them, not hesitating to give you what you want as they usually do, not acting at a torturously slow pace. Tonight there’s no teasing, no tug-of-war between you both to see who cracks first, there’s just immense passion and trust- all the unsaid words left floating in the air are now dancing between your lips as they connect over and over again.

In this moment he’s Picasso and all he can think about is painting over you with his lips, his hands, his cock as it digs against your inviting walls, with every colour of the rainbow until the world itself is drained of all vibrancy because he’s given it all to you.

You meant what you said before, sex with Draco is always mind-boggling and lip-bitingly pleasurable, but this is different. It makes you finally understand what people mean when they say that they can see God at the height of their climax- that they feel as though their bodies are overheating and they’re going to combust at any moment.

He has never been this soft before, usually sex with him is fast, rough, hard, and all about building up the tallest tower of arousal so you can both knock it down with earth-shattering orgasms. But this is so different. This is soft, sensual, almost slow in a way- it says more than any words you two could possibly try to use to explain how much you value each other. You’re not in love, that’s for sure, but this feeling, this painfully exquisite moment, is the closest thing you two will ever get to uttering the words, “I love you”, to each other.

Who needs love when the two of you have each other to make you feel like you’re both burning from the inside out?

~~~

Now, as you sit next to him in Potions and watch intently as he chops up the next set of ingredients, you think that perhaps it’s you who’s going to set on fire.

“Y/N? Are you listening?”

“Hm?” You furrow your eyebrows at him as you zone back in, “Sorry, I zoned out for a second.”

“You seem to be doing a lot of that lately, are you okay?” He asks genuinely as he stops working on the potion to focus a soft gaze on you.

You gulp and nod, giving him a fake smile, “Yes, of course, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, seriously.” You bring your hand up to his arm as reassurance and smile again- trying to ignore how taut his muscles feel beneath your fingers, even with all the fabric between them- “What were you saying?”

“Oh!” He smiles brightly, “I was asking if you want to go down to the Black Lake next period? Since we’re both free?”

“And do what?” You narrow your eyes at him but grin still.

“I don’t know- drown ourselves, skinny dip, have a picnic- whatever your heart desires.”

“If you’re just looking for an excuse to see me naked then all you have to do is ask.” You smirk.

“I wouldn’t need to take you all the way there if I wanted to see you naked.” He grins widely and you roll your eyes, “I’ve just been wanting to go down there for a while and I thought I might as well bring you along.”

“Because you love my company?”

“Because you probably have nothing better do and no one else to hang out with.”

“We both know half the boys in this grade would drop everything for ten minutes with me, I could easily find someone to hang out with.” You reply very brazenly and he rolls his eyes at you. It’s true, more than half of the boys in the grade have tried to ask you out at least once, Potter being the most insistent, and if push came to shove you could easily find someone else to spend your free period with.

Not that you want to, free periods with Draco have actually become one of your favourite pastimes. Usually spent working on extra school work, or chatting, or trashing on Harry Potter- which happens considerably often since you both don’t like him.

“Too bad for them because you’re coming with me.”

“Because?” You raise your eyebrows at him- waiting for him to admit what you want to hear- and he mumbles a reply that you don’t quite catch- “Excuse me?”

“Because I love your company…”

“I know.” You smile with a giggle.

“Sweetheart, you are Changing my mind”

“There ain’t no excuses I swear that I’m doing my best”

“Do you still think love is fake?” You ask as you both lie in the grass and stare up at the sky- enjoying one of the only sunny days you’ll be getting this June.

“Hm?” Draco hums in questioning and you turn on your side to face him- propping your head up on your palm as you lean on your elbow.

“Love. Do you still think it’s a hoax?”

He sighs and blinks a bit before taking a gulp and averting his eyes from the sky to meet your own. “I don’t know.”

“I think in the time that we’ve been pretending to date, I’ve felt a lot of new emotions that I’d never felt before. I can’t tell you if it’s love or not because well, I don’t know what that’s supposed to look like or feel like, but I do know that I like it. It’s different to anything I’ve ever felt before because it’s comfortable and warm- it’s home in a way. It’s the kind of feeling home is meant to give me, not the dread and fear I feel when I get off the Hogwarts Express and find my parents waiting for me on the platform. Not the emptiness I feel when I have to sit through dinners with them and we have to pretend that we’re a happy family. Not the sadness I feel when I’m locked up in my room and I can hear them screaming at each other at the top of their lungs downstairs. It doesn’t feel like what I feel when I think of the Malfoy Manor, the only way I can describe what it feels like is by saying that it feels like what I feel when I think of you, or when I’m with you.”

“And what do you feel when you think of me?” You ask.

“I feel safe and happy and like there’s fire coursing through my veins - almost like I’m burning from the inside out. I don’t know if that’s what love is supposed to feel like- I’ve got no one to ask- but I know that I like feeling that way.” He closes his eyes and takes a breath, “So, to answer your question, I don’t know if I still think love is fake. All I know is that I don’t feel that hopelessness that usually consumes me, when I’m with you.”

You look at him in awe- utterly speechless and completely amazed by the words he’s just spoken to you. You can’t ask him for anything more than that, he’s clearly trying his best to be open to love and honest with you, and you don’t really want more anyway- it’s enough knowing that the two of you make each other happy. What you two have is enough. “You are fucking ethereal.” You breathe out as you sink back to the ground and go back to looking at the sun.

“So are you.” Draco says back as he picks up your hand and intertwines your fingers together. He doesn’t think that love is a hoax, he thinks that maybe he’s falling in love with you, but he’s not ready to admit that just yet- not when the fear of the only solid good thing in his life disappearing still haunts him with every waking moment. Not when you’re not showing any signs of romantic attraction toward him, because he can’t afford to be another dotted line in your book of conquests just because he got soft and caught feelings for you.

He’s not sure of himself yet, how can he be when no one ever taught him how to trust in his ability to be lovable? How can he be when even his own mother and father give him leftover scraps of affection veiled as the unconditional love of parents. Letting himself fall in love with you is a big risk to take when his own insecurities swarm his thoughts day and night, when his own fear of commitment swallows him up whole at every interval in which he thinks he’s ready to be vulnerable. No, he’s not ready to fall in love with you yet. But he’s trying to get there.

<~>

So, this ending is not what I originally envisioned, that one was a lot more compact and fluffy than this one is but I much prefer this one. When I first started writing this fic I actually started with the ending and worked my way backwards but when I finally got to the beginning I realized that the ending just didn’t fit anymore and I had to end it here.

I’m much happier with this ending because it’s undefined and open to interpretation. In a way Y/N is aromantic but in a way she’s also not- I couldn’t decide so I left it in a way that the reader can decide.

I’m planning on using the original ending in something different, which I will post here once it’s done, but yeah, this is the fic.

Anyway, love you all,

jean <3

[simeons-sinful-saint]

Summertime Happiness

(OM) Boys (excluding Simeon, Solomon) x GN!Reader

Synopsis: the beach episode

WC: 3.2k

Note: it’s summer, and I miss the beach. I really want to go so I projected it here. I will say this is a part one bc I plan on writing smut for part two and you get to pick which ending you want. For example, you could pick to spend the night with Diavolo or you could choose Mammon. I’m challenging myself to write for each character so we’ll see how that goes.

“Beach! beach! Beach!” Mammon, Asmo, and Levi were chanting in the back of the car.

“Guys, we’re not even halfway there.” You groaned. They had been like that ever since you got to the human world. They then started squabbling about what to do. Mammon then tried to steal Levi’s tablet. Asmo seemed to ignore them completely.

“This would be our first human world beach! Of course, we’re excited. Just think of all the photos I could post.” Asmo was gleeful, the main person who suggested this trip.

“Well can you guys keep it down. I’ll turn this car around if you don’t!” They shut up, leaving you able to concentrate on the road, “You guys are lucky that Lucifer is in the other car.”

“I didn’t know you could drive MC.” Satan was in the front seat next to you.

“Of course! I’ve been driving since I was 16.”

“I’m sure you could teach Mammon how to drive safer.”

“Oi! Quit insulting me!”

“Honestly, why couldn’t Belphie be in my car. He’d just sleep.” You grumbled under your breath.

“I still don’t understand why Diavolo would want to come here when he has a beach of his own. Besides the beach is stupid.” Satan was now complaining. The choir in the back started up again, and you could feel the headache develop.

Instead of listening to them, you turned the music up to drown out the noise they were making.

That’s when Barbatos gave you a call. You answered it hands free, “hello?”

“MC, it seems the young lord would like to visit the nearest rest stop. He wants to see a human world gift shop.”

“There will be gift shops at the beach!”

“You don’t understand MC! I heard rest stop gift shops offer a wide variety of trinkets that the state offers.” Diavolo sounded too excited for you to say no.

“Also, Beel ran out of food, and we don’t want him to rampage in the car.” Lucifer sounded annoyed, probably because he got put in the back seat since Barbatos was driving.

“I’m hungry…” you could practically hear Beel’s stomach growl from the backseat as well.

“I suppose we need to fill the cars up with gas as well. There should be a rest stop at the next exit.”

“Understood. We’ll follow you to the rest stop of your choice.” Barbatos hung up. The music resumed. Hopefully, they didn’t hear the commotion from the back of your car.

You pulled off the next exit to arrive at a big gas station/truck stop. Parking your car at a pump, the others got out of the car to stretch their legs.

“You guys go ahead and get some snacks or drinks. Make sure to get me one too. The others should show up shortly.”

They walked into the shop thankfully not arguing. Barbatos shortly pulled in at the pump opposite of your car.

They also got out, and Diavolo practically ran to the shop with Beel following behind him.

“Lucifer, please don’t let them get into any trouble. That’s the last thing we need.” He nodded already looking annoyed. Upon inspecting their car, you could see Belphie peacefully sleeping in the back seat.

Barbatos walked over with a map consulting you on the best route to the beach. Their D.D.Ds didn’t have human world GPS, and of course, they didn’t have any human world phones to access it (and you weren’t planning on buying a new phone.) With a pen, you highlighted the route after consulting your GPS. You knew that Barbatos wouldn’t get lost behind you, but it was nice having this assurance.

Barbatos then turned around and excused himself from your discussion, heading towards the gas station shop. You tended to both of the cars, making sure that they were filled up and ready to go.

When you saw all of them come back to the car, Mammon was thrown over Barbatos’s shoulder.

“Put me down!”

“I’m sorry MC, but Mammon will be riding with us now.” You didn’t even want to know. Beel now was in your car, which solved part of the headache that was going on.

Lucifer simply texted you:

Mammon tried to steal

You knew that Mammon was going to be harshly punished in Barbatos’s car which he deserved. The last thing y’all needed was for the cops to come and arrest Mammon.

You noticed how many bags of souvenirs Diavolo was putting in the back of the car. It looked like he swept the store clean of everything. Same with Beel but with food.

“Beel, please make sure to not get food everywhere in my car. My parents would kill me if I ruined their seats.” He nodded and kept chowing down on the bag of chips he got.

Satan just shook his head and handed you a granola bar and a soda. Thankfully someone remembered to get what you asked for.

You all loaded the cars back up and set off once more. This time your car was quieter, and you were so thankful for that on the rest of the way to the beach.

—

“Finally! We’re here!” Asmo exclaimed when you parked the car at the condo y’all would be spending time at. Barbatos shortly pulled in next to you.

They got out of the car and met up with you, “We’ll need rolling carts for all of our luggage and supplies. They should be in the lobby’s office.”

Lucifer and Barbatos left to go fetch them and check in to the condo for you.

It was surprisingly easy to get all of the suitcases, beach supplies, and coolers up to the room. You made sure to get a big condo so everyone could get their own room (saved yourself the headache of who will be rooming with who.)

“Alright everyone, time to set up the ground rules!” You gathered everyone to the common room, “Make sure you all remember your human world names. Please do not stray too far from the others. We do have the beach for ourselves here, but the public beach isn’t too far from here. Please be careful to not wander that way. We have an itinerary for dinner and free times. Please do try to behave yourselves over the week we are here. Other than that, we’ll have fun!”

They all agreed and left to go unpack their stuff.

“I really hope we can get through this without any trouble. We’re spending too much money being here instead of being in Devildom.”

—

The sand was nice and warm. The sunlight danced over the waves, making the ocean sparkle. Lucifer and Barbatos already got the umbrellas and beach chairs prepared, so all the rest had to do was get into swimsuits.

Running out to settle down on a chair basking in the sunlight was your first objective.

“MC, you need to apply sunscreen before you sit out in the sun.” Barbatos walked over with the spray on sunscreen.

“Right. I forgot.”

“MC, I can help you put on your sunscreen!” Asmo ran over to you, “Then you can rub it all over my body.”

“Oi! If anyone is going to rub sunscreen on them, it’s going to be me. I’m their first so I have that right!” Mammon was quick to swoop in and grab the bottle out of Asmo’s hand.

“You can’t use that excuse every time. Especially since you’ll never admit how you feel.” Satan was the next one to take the bottle.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, you know you’re a simp.” Levi came up to y’all, “O-Of course I will apply sunscreen on you MC. Who am I kidding you’ll never pick me.” You could hear every mumble under Levi’s breath.

“What on earth are you all doing?” It was Lucifer, “they are perfectly capable of putting sunscreen on themselves.”

“But their back! They couldn’t possible read that part,” Asmo flirted, “and I’m the perfect person.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and took the bottle out of Satan’s hands, “I’ll put on your sunscreen MC”

“No fair! How come you get to do it?” They started to whine. Honestly at this point you didn’t care who put it on you.

“Thank you, Lucifer,” you turned your back towards him so he could apply the lotion on you. Feeling his hand run up and down your skin did feel nice.

The others continued to bitch at Lucifer about it.

“Haha! Your brothers are lively as always.” Diavolo stood next to Lucifer, who only sighed at his comment.

“I’m afraid so.”

Now that everyone was prepared, Mammon, Asmo, Levi, and Beel ran towards the water. Belphie was already asleep on a beach chair. Satan sat next to him with a book in hand. Diavolo was forcing Lucifer to build a sandcastle with him, while Barbatos helped by carrying buckets of ocean water.

A smile grew on your face as you ran towards the ocean yourself with a floaty, finally able to relax and play with everyone there.

When entering the nice warm water, you’re immediately dunked in. Rising back up,

“Mammon! You ass!” You move your hair out of your face.

“It’s ok MC, he did the same to me. He has a death wish,” Asmo looked furious. Every time he’s swim close to Mammon, he would simply swim away.

“Didn’t peg you as a good swimmer.”

“The great Mammon can do many things!” His laughter was infectious, and your anger fizzled out as you see the brothers chasing each other.

“Ugh, what normies.”

“What did you expect to do out here Levi?”

“Well you see I saw in this anime called A Trip to the Beach turns into a romance story and-“

“Forget I asked. I’m surprised that Mammon didn’t dunk you.”

“The water doesn’t scare me.”

“Makes sense. You do kind of control water. I guess this would be the best place to summon Lotan, besides the fact this is a human world beach.”

“Hahaha. I have no plans of doing that. My Ruri-Chan towel and bag would get soaked, and I don’t want that.”

“Right…”

You then heard eating sounds in your ear. Turning around, you see Beel mouth full of fish, “You can’t just eat the marine life here!”

“But I was hungry…”

“Then go to shore and grab some of the food we brought down here!”

Beel took you up on that offer as soon as he finished devouring the fish he caught with his bare hands. You just prayed he left something for the rest of you, lest you have to go back to the condo and get more.

Mammon quickly swam back and hid behind your back, practically using you as a shield.

“Don’t use MC to protect you!” Asmo was coming in hot. You dunked yourself under the water for Asmo to finally catch Mammon and push his head in the water.

Upon both of you returning to the surface, you shook your head to get the salt water out of your ears.

“You pushed too hard Asmo!” Mammon bitched.

“You brought this upon yourself!”

“Can you both shut up? I’m trying to fantasize about Ruri-Chan.”

“Stay out of this otaku!” They both shouted at the same time. Levi clammed up.

“Of course, they think I’m some weird gross shut in…”

“Oh Levi, that’s not true. Just let those two idiots fight and dunk each other under water. Let’s go back to shore and hunt for seashells!” He felt better from your words. Grabbing the floatie that seemed to be abandoned (you’re glad it didn’t float away into the sea), you both swam back and went to dry yourselves off.

Beel was devouring all of the food in the coolers you brought.

“Satan! Why didn’t you restrain him?”

“Huh, it’s not my job to keep Beel from eating everything. That’s Belphie’s.” You glanced to see that he was asleep basking in the summer sun.

“Of course.” You turned your attention back to Satan, “why don’t you come with Levi and I to hunt for seashells?”

“No.” It was immediate and caught you off guard, “I’m at the climax of this book, and I’ll do beach stuff when I’m done. Except go into the water.”

“Still don’t get it, but whatever.”

You grabbed the necessary supplies to gather seashells, and you made your way back to the shoreline with Levi by your side.

“Let’s see if we can find one that’s not broken! I’d love to get to a nice cone shaped one” Levi cheered up.

So far, you’ve only found broken sand dollars and pieces of broken corral, “well this isn’t great.”

“Oi! Why you hogging MC all to yourself?” Mammon always knew how to ruin a moment.

“Hey, Mammon~”

“Y-yeah?”

“You want a dollar?”

“Yes! Giving money to me is an investment-“

You simply placed a sand dollar in his hand causing Levi to practically die, howling about how you got him good.

Mammon just stood there looking like he could turn to dust at any moment. You couldn’t help but laugh.

Satisfied with your haul, you and Levi placed the bucket of shells back at the beach chairs.

“Still reading Satan?”

“Yes, and it’s getting good so leave me alone.” You roll your eyes in response. Levi said he would chill with Satan in the shade, something about getting his daily log on bonuses.

Shrugging, you turn on the group you hadn’t visited yet.

“Lucifer! Diavolo! How’s the sandcastle coming?”

“Well…I tried making a sand sculpture of Lucifer, but it doesn’t look anything like him.” Diavolo pouted. Upon looking at the pile of sand, you tried to hold back your laughter. If this was supposed to be Lucifer, then Asmo should really give him a makeover.

“The important thing is you tried Diavolo,” Lucifer tried to hide his annoyance, but of course he was bad at that (he would never admit it though.)

“Maybe we should take a break, my lord.”

“I guess so.” You felt bad and patted Diavolo on the back.

“You’ll get it right the next time you do it. Here why don’t I show you something humans do on the beach!”

Diavolo perked up, and the three of them followed you back to the shaded umbrella where their beach chairs were. You sauntered off and grabbed four bottles of beer and a bag of limes you cut up earlier (thankful that Beel didn’t eat them.)

You handed them the beer as well as a bottle opener, “Ok, so typically on the beach with this brand of beer, you push a lime into the neck of the bottle. It helps add flavor to the drink of the summer here.”

You demonstrated for them, even though Barbatos was a step ahead of you anyway. Diavolo looked at it all with wonder, taking a sip after preparing it, “Fascinating! Is this really what humans do?”

“Some. I like to do it when I go to the beach. It’s nice and relaxing. Plus, the advertising says to do this.”

“I do have to say, it does add a little aromatic flavor. However, I’ll have to decline drinking more than I already have.” Barbatos handed the bottle back to you. Even though you knew he had his reasons, it bummed you out a little.

“Well Lucifer! What do you think?” Diavolo turned towards his friend who was happily drinking his.

“Honestly, I needed some sort of break after being in the sun for so long.”

“Well, I’m glad I was able to help.” Lucifer smiled at your response, praising you about how you’re always a help to everyone.

You sat down next to them on the sand and just took in the calmness of the beach air, the smell of salty sea water filling your nose. It was enjoyable to have one moment of relaxation.

“Hey MC! Belphie’s awake! Help us throw him into the ocean!” You could hear Mammon from the other side of the beach.

“Your brothers are always so exciting, Lucifer,” Diavolo was laughing and was waiting for Lucifer to laugh along with him.

“More like a headache…”

“I’ll go over there so they don’t bother you three. Remember to get the relaxation you need. The three of you work way too hard, you deserve a break. That goes for you to Barbatos! You don’t have to be a butler here.”

He laughed at your comment, “So noted.”

Satisfied, you ran back over to the others.

“If you like to live, you’ll let go of me” Belphie was trying to fight, but with Mammon, Asmo, and Levi together, he didn’t stand a chance.

“Same for you Beel! Put me down so I can finish my book!”

“Nah, you can finish your book later. We’re at the beach. You should have fun with us!” Mammon had a death wish. They managed to pull Belphie and Satan into the water. Belphie at this point had already given up.

Satan, however, was like trying to bathe a cat. Extremely unhappy about it. He screamed profanities and was about to go apeshit, until you were by his side and holding his hand.

“It’s ok Satan. They just want you to have fun.” He huffed in response with a hint of blush developing on his face.

Finally, all of you were in the ocean, splashing water at each other, seeing who could hold their breath the longest, and float around letting the water massage your worries away.

The fun eventually was coming to a close. The sun started to set, and everyone went to pack everything up.

“Hold on!”

They turned to look at you who has a mischievous look on your face, holding up sparklers in their face, “They’re a lot of fun to have on the beach too.”

Everyone was about to decline until, “Ohhhh, that sounds like fun. I’ll do it with you MC.”

Diavolo started to take sparklers from your hand and went to get a lighter.

“Well, I guess I can do it too.” Mammon said.

“It does sound like fun. Plus, I can take all sorts of photos to post when we get back to Devildom.” Asmo ran to be by your side.

“Don’t eat the sparklers Beel,” Belphie said walking over with his twin.

“W-well it’s a normie thing to do, but if MC wants to do it then I will too.” Levi took a sparkler from the packet.

“As long as Lucifer isn’t going to participate then I will too.” Satan said.

“Too bad because Lucifer has to do this too!” Your words sounded very adamant, leaving Satan with no other choice.

Lucifer sighed but then smiled, “As long as your happy MC and Diavolo.”

You squealed in happiness. As you lit the sparklers, everyone waved them around. Asmo took photos of everyone with theirs. Mammon tried writing words (they didn’t look good.) The rest were happy to chase each other with Diavolo and Lucifer standing on the side. Diavolo was mesmerized by the sparks shooting out, and Lucifer couldn’t help but laugh with him.

Barbatos filmed the entire thing for everyone to remember later. One of the best days ever.

—

After showering, you noticed the night was still young. Everyone was kind of doing their own thing now.

You didn’t want the night to end too soon. Hitting up the town seemed like a good idea.

You sat thinking of who you should bring with you.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Seventeen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows

TW: discussion of SA

***

Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.

Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.

“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”

“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”

“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.

Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”

“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”

Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.

Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”

“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”

Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.

Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.

“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”

Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”

“For what?”

“This conversation.”

Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”

The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”

She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”

Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.

“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.

“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”

Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”

“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”

“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”

“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.

Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”

Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.

“On New Year’s.”

“And you turned it down?”

“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.

“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.

“The movie?”

“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”

Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”

She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”

Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.

“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”

She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”

“Of course I said no because of you.”

“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”

“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”

“You sound codependent,” she retorts.

He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”

He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.

“Why not?” he demands.

“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”

“Again: why the fuck not?”

So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”

Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”

“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.

“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”

“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”

“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.

“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.

“How so?” she challenges.

“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”

Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.

“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”

“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”

“I do not,” Nesta defends.

“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”

Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?

“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.

“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.

She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”

That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”

“Forever.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.

He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”

Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”

“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”

The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.

“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”

A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.

“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”

When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”

She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”

Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”

Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”

“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”

She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.

“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”

“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.

“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”

Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”

“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”

“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”

***

Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.

Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.

Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”

“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”

“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.

“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”

“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.

“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”

“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.

“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.

Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.

“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.

“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.

Gwyn pales.

“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.

“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”

Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”

She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.

Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”

“But I didn’t do anything—”

She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”

“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”

“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.

Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”

Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”

Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”

“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.

Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.

“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”

But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.

Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”

Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”

“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”

Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”

“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.

***

They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.

Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”

“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.

Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.

Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.

Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”

“Why?” Nesta says.

“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”

“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”

Nesta doesn’t give her form back.

“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”

“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.

Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.

Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”

Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”

“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.

She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.

“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.

But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.

“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.

“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.

“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.

Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”

“But I’m not done yet—”

“Now.”

“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.

Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.

Gwyn makes a face at her back.

“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.

“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.

Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”

She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.

“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”

“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”

Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?

At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”

“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”

Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”

“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.

But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.

During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.

“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”

Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”

“Just not today?”

Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”

Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.

After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”

Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”

Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.

Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.

Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”

Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”

“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”

The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.

Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.

“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”

Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”

“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”

Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”

Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”

Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”

“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”

“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”

“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”

Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.

“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.

“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”

They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.

Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.

Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”

“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.

“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.

“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”

“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”

“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”

Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.

“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can’t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.

That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.

***

a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era

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