#i wrote this post during my intro to computing class

[introverted-explorer]

Will You Marry Me (For Financial Aid)

Summary:

The fake dating/real feelings college au no one asked for. Based on that text exchange between two friends in college wanting a better FAFSA Application.

Notes: Major credit to  @labelma (AKA Leilah) for betaing this and for encouraging me to post it.

I wrote this about a year ago and got distracted by life. Decided I would put it out into the world for other people to enjoy as a little birthday present for myself, enjoy!

David - italicized Patrick - bold Stevie - both 

You wouldn’t expect David Rose to be friends with someone like Patrick Brewer. Not only was he a business major, but also a huge sports fan and equally versed in the arts, which David certainly didn’t mind. Patrick was liked by everyone he met and no one really understood how he could be friends with someone as abrasive and standoffish as David. And somehow they were best friends. 

Stevie simultaneously regrets, is overly enthused, and is extremely amused by their friendship and takes full credit for the dynamic of their tiny but mighty friend group. She and David had met during orientation their freshman year of college, bonding over their shared disdain for their overly peppy orientation leaders. They quickly became inseparable, spending the majority of their down time together. A few weeks into school Stevie showed up with this average looking guy she had met in her Intro to Business course to their weekly dinner. Patrick had woven his way into their little duo with a few little teasing jabs at David to which David made complaints of an ‘unbalanced social dynamic’ but loved nonetheless.  

Nothing has really changed after two years of friendship. They would do pretty much everything together; homework, meals, vacations (thanks to David’s parents), you name it, they were probably doing it together. Even a few classes, obviously with a lot of pushing on Stevie and Patrick’s end and reluctance on David’s. David mostly stuck to his art classes but was convinced that a few business classes would help if he ever wanted to manage a gallery, good business acumen ran in the family after all. 

David came from money, but that money was almost never of conversation and often forgotten all together. It only came up when he casually name dropped or mentioned his designer and high end products. That was until they lost it all. Thankfully school and his apartment were already paid for through the year but it left David questioning his very near future plans. He worried if he would be able to finish out his schooling and where he would live once school was over. By some small miracle, his parents and younger sister found themselves moved to a town that they had bought as a joke at the pinnacle of his family’s financial success. Even better was the fact they were now living in the motel that Stevie’s family owned. 

After a long night of anxiety and research on financial aid for the next year, he discovered there were certain situations in which he could receive more aid. David never had to worry about filling out a FAFSA application when he still had money, it was never an issue if he received aid or not, but now it was the most important thing for his life to stay somewhat stable. His anxiety got the better of him and decided to decompress with the little bit of the weed he had left. 

Once he got a nice buzz going, he grabbed his phone to come up with a plan to get some of that aid. His finger hovered over his conversations with Patrick and Stevie. He thought Stevie would go along with his plan but would ridicule him to no end and decided that Patrick was probably the safer bet in this particular scenario. 

Hi

Can you marry me? 

The rational part of his brain told him Patrick was likely at one of his many clubs or doing homework or maybe even doing something only good people do. But the rational part of his brain was not steering the ship. The part in control kept yelling at him that Patrick was mad at him for coming on like that and he had ruined the friendship with just four words. 

I just looked at the financial aid website and it said I cannot get any aid except for unsubsidized loans unless I have a child, get married or turn 24, so I have to get married 

It didn’t take long for Patrick to respond. He would do pretty much anything for his friends and it’s not like it was actually a real marriage and could benefit himself. 

                       Yeah, okay. I’ll marry you. I need a better fafsa application too

That certainly wasn’t the response David had expected and certainly not that fast. David was used to people letting him down even though Patrick, and more often than not Stevie, had proven that people won’t always do that. 

Wait. Seriously?

Would you really do it?

I’m going to do actual research on this.

‘After I sober’ up David said to his phone after he sent that final text. 

Are we doing this?

It would have to happen like lightning fast. I’ve never had to do one of those applications aren’t they due soon?

Patrick knew David was likely either high or drunk, he hadn’t been dealing with the complete upheaval of his life all that well, and figured he would do all of the specific research as he enjoyed it and was painfully aware of the application and financial aid process. He felt the tiniest bit of disbelief pass through his brain as he started looking into this particular part of the process. Whether this was the idea of marrying David or marrying David to benefit their financial aid packages. He never really thought of his best friend like that before but it felt like a tiny part of his brain was saying this was a good thing. He shut that voice down and focused on his research instead. 

                                                                                                                  Okay.

 We’d need to get a marriage license which can be up to $300 depending on where we get it, and then we need to file for a marriage certificate. 

I’m an ordained  minister but idk if I could file my own marriage certificate

During all of the craziness that had been the last hour and asking Patrick to marry him, he totally forgot that Stevie was coming over. 

“David?” she called out opening the door and approached his bedroom.

“You smoked without me? You suck.”

David stilled. He had his phone still in his hand and a small smile on his face. As soon as he saw Stevie in the doorway his smile twisted to the side of his face. 

“David.”

“Stevie.”

“You never smile like that. What bit of celebrity gossip are you hiding on your phone?” She asked, grabbing the phone from his hands with little protest as David’s reaction time was slowed by his now depleting high. 

“What is this?” She paused to read the conversation. “You’re marrying Patrick? And for financial aid? I don’t know if I should be offended you didn’t ask me or not.”

“I thought about it! I thought you would make fun of me for it. I’m sorry!”

“It’s fine. I’m ordained by the way.”

David gave her a confused look questioning her random fact.

“I was bored in high school one day and did it online after I finished the assignment we were doing. It took like 15 minutes and now I can marry people.” She shrugged it off as if it were nothing. 

“And you’re telling me this because..” David trailed off trying to follow the conversation. 

“Because I can marry you and Patrick if you need me to.”

Finally David was caught up on the conversation. He took his phone back from Stevie wanting to tell Patrick. He couldn’t help the smile that came back on his face as hard as he tried to hide it. 

Stevie’s ordained and said she can marry us. So one problem down!

“I like this for you.” 

“Like what? There’s nothing to like!” David shrieked. 

David went back to his laptop to do further research into the actual benefits of marrying Patrick. Stevie nodded and pulled out her own phone. She figured if David was going to be preoccupied she could at least have some fun. 

So I hear you’re going to marry David?

                                                                                         And you’re officiating?

You’re not mad he asked me and not you right? I don't want this to put a strain on our friendship. 

Stevie laughed. She had secretly hoped they would end up together. She loved David but she couldn’t ever marry him, not even a staged marriage. 

I may have offered my services, yes. 

And absolutely not. He’s all yours.

The extra financial aid would have been nice but I could never marry David.

                                                                                                         Fake marry.

Okay, fine. Fake marry. Either way I am NOT interested. 

She looked back up to see David’s face now buried in his phone. He had to be texting Patrick.

It’s possible that I can get fafsa to pay for an entire apartment!

Where you would live with me obviously

David stopped and looked up at Stevie nervously. 

“I think I just asked Patrick to move in with me.”

I mean only if you want. You have no obligations to do that. 

You probably don’t. I mean bringing home a girl would be weird or whatever. 

Patrick had left his phone playing music on the counter as he made himself dinner. He didn’t think to check it until he was back in front of his computer with his dinner. He opened his messages to see four new messages from David. 

He can’t say he’s not surprised to see David spiraling after those first two messages. He still never understood why David thought Patrick would reject him as he had never shown signs of that during their friendship. He felt a certain sadness for his best friend. 

                                                                                 Of course I’d live with you. 

The thought of living with David didn’t scare him as much as it should. He knows David is high maintenance. He’s shared spaces with him during vacations. It’s not really something that bothers him. If anything he finds David endearing, especially when he’s a little frazzled making this encounter all the more fun. 

                      Think they would go for a nice little two bedroom apartment?

The relief David feels seeing that first response doesn’t last long. He doesn’t know why he feels a sense of sadness when Patrick mentions a two bedroom. They’re friends. A couple of bros getting married. Just for financial aid purposes. 

Do you think we could convince them for two baths? I’ve shared a bathroom with you. You don’t have much but what you do is wildly incorrect and I’d rather not ruin our friendship with that. 

Marriage is a compromise David. You’ll just have to deal with my incorrect bathroom products. 

We’re really doing this. 

                                                                                                            Yes we are. 

        Can we talk more about this tomorrow? I need to get some work done tonight. 

We can talk about this whenever you want.

Just

Preferably not before 10 AM. 

             Never. I know you David. Lunch after my class tomorrow? Just us?

Stevie hates that we’re ditching her. 

But, yes. Lunch sounds great. 

“So you’re marrying Patrick and ditching me to go on dates with him?” Stevie remarked after reading their exchange. 

David seemed shocked but hummed shaking his head in some sort of hybrid of no and yes. He stood up and shook his arms out. Stevie knew he was getting flustered proving that this might just be more than just an easy way to get some help with tuition. 

[gwens-projects]

Day 19 - Theme Memories

So I’ve been around this fandom for a long time, not as long as some people, but since TPOM was still kicking out episodes. Today I’m going to talk about some of the memories I’ve made through this fandom.

Under a read more because this is going to be long.

I remember first when I was really small getting to watch Madagascar when it first came out. It was very blurry and pixilated because it was on one of those cam copy discs that my dad had brought home. It was fun, I liked it, but didn’t think anything about it really. The same happened with Madagascar 2 a few years later, and then after that I got my first exposure to TPOM when dad had a disc with the When I was a Penguin Zombie ep collection on it. I’m pretty sure I watched that disc on repeat for weeks in the car, I loved it but had no idea there were like actually other eps I could watch anywhere else.

Years after that, somehow I managed to catch the Return of the Revenge of Dr. Blowhole on TV actually in the midst of all the singing, we almost turned the channel but I was amazed that there were more eps than what I had seen before and we watched what was left of the episode.

I’ve never been someone who easily makes friends. I’m very quiet, nervous, and rather weird. 8th grade I made my first decent friends, and then at the end of the school year both transferred away to different schools. I was about...15 maybe? and I was crushed. I had never really noticed how lonely I really was until then, and so I started watching some shows on youtube I remembered I liked but never got to watch every ep of...Kim Possible, Lilo and Stitch, the Smurfs....I was looking for something Smurf related online when I accidentally discovered fanfiction, specifically Smurfs fanfiction that I thought was actually like a canon Smurfs book. This led me to exploring fanfiction a little more and then I accidentally come across some TPOM oneshot (written in Spanish that my computer translated) about Private? It reminded me that oh yeah the penguins was a show I liked as a kid, so I looked it up and started binging those eps. 

Watching those eps, I honestly felt the least alone I had felt all summer. Private was my first comfort character and at the time I found him super relatable. I also started reading a few TPOM fanfics. Season 3 still had episodes coming out and so that was pretty exciting. That August I started writing my first fanfic, A Trixy Situation, and drew my first fanarts. I also consequently made my first OC.

I look back at that first fanfic and the reviews I got and all I can think is “People thought this was good?” But at the same time, if it wasn’t for those kind comments back then, I wouldn’t be the writer I am now. A Trixy Situation wasn’t just my first fanfic, it was the first piece of written fiction I ever wrote and FINISHED. People’s kind comments spurred me to write and for the first time I really felt like I was writing for a purpose AND having fun with it. I was over the moon.

Granted, I did get my first critiquing review a few fics later, and as much as I cried over it...I will admit, it made me a much better writer. I still wish they had phrased it differently though.

Through fanfiction as well I made my first fandom friends. One of which I still keep in contact with even now 7 years later. She became my first best friend that I could truly say was my best friend and I wouldn’t have made her except through this fandom.

When I transferred schools from private to public in 10th grade, TPOM eps and writing TPOM fanfiction got me through it. It was...a rough 3 years of my life. I had 0 offline friends, but I had that one very good online friend who I would sneak chats to through a google doc during lunch and class breaks.

I remember when AHKJ came out and I’d have to stay off of tumblr because tumblr mobile wouldn’t let me tag and block spoilers and GEE WERE THERE SO MANY SPOILERS POSTED. 

January 2016 I gave roleplaying a try and made a slew of Private_Private_Penguin rp accounts across multiple platforms. I made a few connections and associates then, but none really stuck. However, I had a lot of fun rping as Private until the rp community more or less went silent.

Junior and senior year of high school and the first couple years of college, I was too busy and stressed to think of TPOM much. Then I noticed a new up-springing in TPOM rpers again. I watched a few eps and this time around realized that I really, really related to Kowalski now....Far more than I ever related to Private in the past. Granted, in the past I was kind of driven away from Kowalski because the fandom was so...well, let’s just say there were a lot of rapid Kowalski fangirls where it made me nervous to even approach the character. Private didn’t have as many fans so he was calmer to have as a favorite. But modernly, the Kowalski hype had died down and I finally felt at ease finding him as a comfort....I also think the age old “disliking a character until you realize there’s a lot of yourself in that character and that’s why you dislike them” theory applied to that as well...because he and I do have a lot in common, personality wise.

Anyway, through the new round of rping as Kowalski, I made some new fandom friends and through them was exposed to new fandoms and experienced a new love for the series as a whole. I also was introduced to new ship ideas and got new headcanons....And then I got back into writing fanfiction. My friend who rps as Blowhole, they got me into the Franski ship...Our rping was a slow burn enemies to friends to Kowalski muse having a crush on Blowhole. It’s a fun thing to look back at the old rps like “oh Kowalski started liking this ship before I did.”

After I got back into fanfic writing, I made yet another friend who IMed me about my writing and since then I’ve been co-writing with her on her fic. I also discovered a discord group where I ran into several fanguins who I recognized were around the fandom back when eps were coming out as well and I just sort of felt...at home? It’s the best way I can describe it. It was new but familiar all at the same time. Did we all share the same ships and headcanons? Heck no, but with such a vague canon that’s understandable and completely fine. It’s interesting seeing the different ideas and such and the joint enthusiasm we all have for this franchise.

I’ve recently started watching A Little Wild...Admittedly, I’m struggling with it but for its target audience, it would be a great intro into the franchise, honestly.  

I have so many memories from this franchise and its fandom, some bad, but mostly good. And now I just will take this moment to thank both the franchise and the fandom for the memories and comfort its given me through the years. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.

[bigbroemen]

tmi sex stuff below

ok so theres a lot of toys on bad dragon that i just like. i either Cannot get into (alien/dog/horse shaped dildos) or i cant use rn (sheaths), but theres also a lot of stuff that im Super intrigued in: the dildo shaped after the companys mascot (duke) looks like its really nice for beginners (me) while still being fun, theres a tongue dildo that fulfills the fantasy of a dragon slipping its giant tongue into u and its super hot, they have masturbators shaped after butts which is nice for me because its a little more familiar, cum tubes + cum lube seem really fun, a lot of their dildos are compatible with said cum tubes (including dukes dick), tho im not sure if im ready for cum tubes or cum lube just yet, ill just stick w their clear lube. also bd's pages are super informative regarding the material of their toys and how to figure out what you want, including size and density (they have a sample kit that lets u feel and play w the different types of density, i bought one). the only drawback, which im not sure i can even call a drawback because bd's items appear to be super high quality stuff, is how expensive the toys are. the medium size for dukes medium dildo is $125 and his butts $95, so i definitely cant afford them rn, but im keepin on eye on them now.

ive always wanted to start practicing with dildos so i can be ready for actual encounters because my dom game is super bad and i feel like i would enjoy the actual act of bottoming if i was more physically familiar with it. i was always averse to actually looking into finding toys because i was nervos about looking at toys at regular sex shops. im not sex active and i dont plan to be super sex active anytime soon, so i felt out of place and there were so many factors regarding usage, care, and safety that i was unsure of. bd has really eased my concerns about toy safety and usage with all the instructions and information its got, and the fact that it appears to cater more to furries/scalies/anything fantastical makes me feel more at home (and also like a normie at the same time. like i said theres a ton of toys on there thatre just a lil too out there for me).

i guess im just saying bd has made using toys feel very doable and i feel like finally exploring the actually physical side of sex, which i think will make me feel not as sex repressed, which is really cool. ty bad dragon

[dynamic-instability]

In one of my classes we have to write weekly personal narratives about an experience with illness. This week, mine turned into this. It’s probably too personal, and too... immediate?? to turn in to a professor without cutting out a lot of stuff, but not too personal to post online I guess lol

_____________________________

It’s November again.

In 2009 the lights were too bright. Mid-October one morning I woke up to my dad turning on my lights and it was like having to look into the sun while posing for a photo—my eyes wouldn’t stay open, if I forced them to, they couldn’t stay pointed in one direction, they spasmed and hurt. When the light was dimmed, I still saw double. That morning, I showered in the dark, and I remember being scared. They gave me eyedrops that paralyzed my accommodative muscles. In November my pupils were giant discs and I wore reading glasses over sunglasses to look at the computer, and when it was all said and done, the lights were still too bright, and I still saw double.

In 2011 I was tired. There’s fatigue and then there’s fatigue, I learned that Fall. In May of that year I had pulled two all-nighters in a week, and that was the only other time I’d felt this kind of tired, a sensation in about the 30th hour of the second time where it’s like my brain itched. I once saw someone else online describe it as “nausea, but in your head and eyes instead of in your throat and stomach” and that’s the closest anyone else has come to describing it. By November this was happening more and more often. I remember laying down in the corner of the room during a break of Citywide choir and thinking what the hell is wrong with me? I got a cold the next week, and I thought that maybe that was all it was. It wasn’t.

In 2013 I went to the ER for the fifth time in three months of college, and when I wanted to leave before waiting another couple of hours to eventually see a doctor who would tell me once again that they couldn’t do anything to help me, the woman from student life who was there to drive me back to campus made me call my parents on speaker phone and get their permission to leave before she would turn on the car. I had missed more chemistry labs than I could afford to miss without failing, passed out in a voice lesson, was asked by the director to drop out of choir because watching me was distraction when I looked like I was in pain, and if I passed out it would have ruined the concert for everyone. I remember leaving calculus in the mornings mid-class to go to the bathroom and lay on the floor and cry. I remember not being able to lift my hand off the mattress of my dorm room bed. I withdrew from half of my classes on the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, and took the Spring semester off.

In 2014 I had made a promise to myself that I would come back to college full time for that Fall semester just to see if I could do it, and then if I couldn’t I would drop out for good. There was one week where I thought that might be happening. Mid-November. The girls in my dorm had made a fort in the lounge out of sheets and blankets and colorful scarves and I remember laying on the couch through the green-filtered light and feeling the world spin and thinking oh god I still can’t do this. The door opened with a rush of cold air and my friends came in with food for me, since I’d been too sick to go to dinner. They sat with me and helped me with chemistry, offered to type up a paper if I dictated it, told jokes and made me laugh. I took an incomplete in one class, but I passed everything else, just barely scraped through, and came back in January.

In 2015 I just wanted to sleep. I passed out in an elevator and heard familiar voices, concerned voices, as I came to, and I stayed there laying motionless for another minute longer, because as long as I wasn’t awake I didn’t have to keep pushing. I wrote whole pages of completely unreadable ochem notes because my hand wasn’t working any better than my brain, and woke up on the floor and was wheeled out on a stretcher crying. It was dark all the time. My cane slipped on wet leaves and I felt my wrist crunch and there it was, one too many missed organic chemistry labs. I couldn’t stand for an entire choir rehearsal because breathing to sing made me lightheaded. I slept for 16 hours a day. The week before Thanksgiving, I called my mother to tell her I had decided to take another hardship withdrawal, and she sighed. I had applied to transfer schools during my much more optimistic Spring semester and Summer, and the week I left was also the week I found out I’d been accepted.

And so okay now it’s 2019, and it’s October and now November again, semester plan again, dark again. My reading is piling up again, feeling overwhelmed again, laying on my kitchen floor again. But here’s the thing—my health is… fine? Midterm week I didn’t sleep, and yes I passed out twice, but no ER. For the past 18 months, I can count on one hand the number of mornings I’ve been unable to get out of bed because of fatigue. My heart still pounds too hard but my head doesn’t swim every time I sit up. I walk the streets of New York City like mobility has never been a problem. I always take the stairs. My brain doesn’t itch until it’s been 30 hours no sleep.

I couldn’t go to class last week. I lay on the floor of my kitchen and stared up at the ceiling and tried to get up, tried to type out an email to my professors, and I couldn’t do it. I was not too tired. I was not too weak. I was not in pain. I could not move. I try to write and try to write and try to write and the words don’t come. I eat instant oatmeal at 9 PM because I haven’t been to the store in a month. I have lost nearly 15 pounds since moving to New York. I clean the stove for two and a half hours but can’t bring myself to take the dead spider off the side of the bathtub. I check the door lock one-two-three times, pace the floor, sit back down. I do not read Austerlitz. I write a Canvas post for Self and Other but it’s nonsense. I do not write a Canvas post for Accounts of Self. I do not write a Canvas post for Applied Writing. I write a Canvas post for Illness and Disability and somehow forget to post it, the one thing I’ve actually done, because I’m too busy feeling sick at everything I haven’t. I shadow a doctor for the clinical witnessing assignment and everything is fine but when I try to write it up I have a panic attack that leaves me sobbing on my couch and the assignment nine days late and counting. It takes me eight hours to write two pages. I watch 18 hours of YouTube video essays discussing drama about creators I don’t even watch and play a stupid game on my phone for an entire weekend until I’ve spent $25+ in a labyrinth of microtransations and every time I close my eyes I see the moving dots.

In November of 2015 I had three overdue essays for Global Literature, and two more due in the next two weeks. More than half were on books I had not read. My pre-lab wasn’t done for organic chemistry, and I wondered for a moment, if I pretended to pass out, if that would be easier. I stayed up until 4 AM laying on my floor and listening to Hamilton. I was sick, that much is true, but when I felt okay I still sat at my computer and could not bring myself to write.

In 2011 I had so many unfinished assignments for my college-level English class that I resigned myself to failing and I went to school the morning of the final class, but I hid in the stairwell by the choir room until I heard the bell, and I never went back to that class.

2009 was the year my dad stopped being able to yell at me for not doing my homework, because no one, including me, could tell whether it was actually my eyes stopping me.

In 2008 I wrote 6 essays in the 5 days of Thanksgiving break because I had not done any work for Intro to Lit all semester. I pulled it off, somehow, even aced the class because of an unusually lenient late work policy, but what I most remember is the sick feeling of dread as I lay on the floor in the living room staring up at the Christmas tree and feeling invisible sand slip through an invisible hourglass and a vice tightening in my chest.

In 2006 I stayed up almost all night writing a paper and crying my eyes out because I couldn’t find the words to explain to anyone why it had been so impossible for me to get the work done, that I wasn’t being lazy or distracted, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t necessarily reading YA novels or watching TV or IMing my friends instead of working, I could sit and stare at a blank word document for 6 hours straight and still it would not get done. Everyone talked about potential, talked about how smart I was, but a gradebook that is half 100’s and half 0’s still averages out to an F. No one, including me, could explain the discrepancy. The logic of that simple math was not lost on me, the knowledge that turning in half-finished or not very good work was mathematically better than not doing it, but that didn’t mean I could do it. Words failed me when I tried to explain the illogic of my particular suffering.

I didn’t hear the term executive dysfunction until I was in my 20s. In retrospect I was tentatively told at 16 that I had “probably some ADHD and OCD”, but that psychiatrist was someone I’d been sent to by a neurologist because he thought she could fix my eyes, and when she said she couldn’t, I stopped making appointments. After I got sick, physically sick, the lines blurred between what was causing what, to the point where even I have no idea. Two of the Novembers missing here are ones I spent at CC, on the block plan where I only took one class at a time. My physical health arguably improved a little after transferring in January of 2016, but mostly it didn’t, not until Spring of 2018 at least. And you can see that evidence in dropped blocks, concussions from passing out onto hard surfaces, a couple of incompletes taken when viral illnesses (or concussions) compounded my other problems. What the block plan changed was the way things pile up, lessened the struggle of constant task switching between classes. (Admittedly, I also had fewer papers when taking mostly science classes. Writing takes much more energy, and it’s much harder to convince myself it doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth submitting.) At CC nothing ever really reached the level of catastrophe. Some of that is purely the ability to drop a single block, meaning when it was my physical health that was the problem, I didn’t lose a whole semester, just one class, then reset. But I should have realized sooner that the block plan wouldn’t account for the level of improvement if my physical health had really been the only barrier.

So we’re back to now. Grad school. November again. Dark again. Semester plan again. Too much writing again. Crushing dread again. Dysfunction again. Panic attack in the middle of the night increasingly elaborate organizing rituals scream of the subway tracks in my mind can’t stop can’t start can’t breathe can’t move burnout again. This time without the explanation of chronic fatigue to fall back on.

I have my tricks, have actually learned somewhat to cope in the past 18 years. Schedules help, break tasks into pieces that are as small as possible. Mindfulness meditation. Forgive yourself when it’s not perfect. Get started with something easy, set a timer for 20 minutes and only work for those 20 minutes and then let yourself stop if you want to (and surprisingly often, you won’t want to, sometimes that momentum is all it takes). If you work better in the night, work in the night, who cares what society says your sleep schedule should be. When switching tasks, physically get up and move to a different location. Allow yourself to procrastinate on work with other work if that’s what you have to do. Delete the stupid games from your phone. One or two missed assignments are not actually the end of the world, if you let yourself view it as piling up, you won’t be able to get anything done, so if you absolutely have to, just move through and move on.

It’s not a catastrophe, this November. It’s a fight, but it’s not a catastrophe. I read Austerlitz and forgive myself for skimming it. I write a Canvas post and forgive myself when it’s only 500 words and doesn’t make complete sense. I read Toni Morrison and Édouard Louis and classmates’ discussion posts about Deaf culture and identity and remember why this matters in the first place, that it’s not just a series of assignments to overwhelm me, it’s a series of interesting complicated exhausting important thoughts and questions. I get it done. Some of it. Most of it. I let myself sleep. I breathe. I remember to be grateful because I can get out of bed in the mornings and take the stairs. I am okay.

[jamesashtonisbae]

The Freshman Series Ch. 4A

Word Count: 3,765

Pairing: James x MC

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Language

Summary: My own fic set between the events of Chapter 4 and Chapter 5.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to pixelberry studios.  This is solely written by me - no dialogue from PB.  I will change the storyline a bit when things are out of character for people, particularly Lacey and James. 

Ch. 4A

Lacey awoke for her very first day of classes early.  Eerily early.  So early that the suite was empty.  She brewed some coffee, having dug out her single-serve coffeemaker the night before because their group coffeemaker had broken.  Thankfully, she’d been able to find the time to unpack more than just her sheets and bedding.  Her room was coming together, her college career was on track not only to begin, but to continue, and she was relieved.  She didn’t know of many journalists who didn’t have college degrees.

 Lacey grabbed her Washington Post mug, now filled with steaming hot coffee..  Her dream was to write at the Washington Post someday.  She read it every day, she followed every writer, every section, every part of the Washington Post interested her.  It wasn’t that it was the Times, or the New Yorker, or that it was exactly the type of writing she was best at, but it was in DC, the heart of everything, where everything happened.  And she wanted to cover it.  But, she had to get her degree.  And this was the beginning.

 She leaned against the railing, having made her way up to the rooftop, holding her mug and pulling her robe tighter against her.  The campus was covered in a mist that gave an eerie calm to the campus.  Lacey thought it was the most beautiful place she’d ever seen.

 It brought a smile to her face to think that this campus symbolized what was ahead of her.  She was so excited to get started. 

 Her mind went to James.  She had dated a guy in high school, obviously slept with Chris, but the way this man made her feel was something she had never experienced.  Her high school boyfriend was sweet and simple.  He wasn’t going anywhere.  He had little to no ambition, but she did love him.  And he was her first, after prom.  But, that hadn’t stopped her from breaking up with him after graduation.  Somehow she knew she would find something more here.  And Chris was hot.  Alarmingly hot.  He also had a sweetness to him that Lacey found incredibly attractive.  They were both great men, but neither of them spoke to her heart the way James did.  She felt as if she’d known him her whole life.

She glanced down at her OrangeWatch and saw that she had an hour left before class began.  Her first class was an Introduction to Geology course, and she was relatively excited to start.  Her Monday classes were Geology and Math 101.  Then on Tuesdays she had Intro to Fiction Writing, Research and Writing, and Sportswriting.  She knew that she would like her Tuesday classes most, because they were all writing, but her general classes would be interesting if she made sure to apply herself.

 After finishing her coffee and the muffin she’d brought up with her, she headed downstairs to get dressed.  She settled on a pair of dark wash jeans and her favorite green long-sleeved tee.  It was soft, with a relatively deep v.  She pulled on a navy bralette underneath that peeked out as she shifted to slouch the tee off of her shoulders.  When she decided that if she ran into James, she would look good enough to at least elicit a blush from him, she straightened a couple of strands of her already mostly straight midnight colored hair, put on some light makeup, and sat down to read over her Geology syllabus again.

 At seven forty-five, Lacey left, her suite still dead, for her first class.  She strolled across campus, where there weren’t many people, and took in the crisp air.  It was beautiful.  She was blessed to still be there.  And that was what she needed to remember when things got tough.

 “Lacey!” she heard and glanced at where her name had come from.  She saw James striding over to her, a messenger bag slung over his shoulder.  He grinned when he made eye contact with him.

 “Taking an 8 am class?  That’s brave,” James said with a chuckle.

 “Well, you know me, I don’t scare easily.”

 James’s lips quirked up into a wide smile, “I guess if you did, you’d be gone by now.”

 “What are you doing up so early?” Lacey asked.

 “I write my best at 6 am.”

 “Yeah?  How’s that going?”

 “It’s okay.  I’m a little bit stuck with a couple of things that seem wrong.  Would you want to grab lunch and look over a scene today?”

 “Yes!  Where do you want to meet?” She was elated at the possibility of seeing James later.  And even more interested in reading more of his play.  He wrote beautifully.

 “Oh, that depends.  When’s your last class before noon?”

 “I have the 8 am and the 9 am today.  I’m kind of an early bird.”

 He rolled his eyes at her, still incredulous about how much of an early bird she was, “Okay you crazy girl.  I TA for Vasquez until 11:30, so I’ll be in the English building if you want to meet outside and we can head to the dining center or student union.”

 “I think I like the union best, if that works for you.”

 “You’re such a freshman,” he shook his head as his the corner of his mouth quirked up into a smirk.

 “Hey!” Lacey pouted, her wide eyes boring into James’s soul.

 “I’m messing with you.  Being a ‘freshman’ is a good thing.  You approach things with a very different perspective than me.  An optimistic and joyful one.  You’re a cool girl, Lacey.  And strong, too.  I am impressed by you.”

 “Just impressed?” she tilted her head, and shoulder, letting her shirt slip to the side.

 He glanced down, quickly, almost imperceptibly, before meeting her eyes, though she could sense he wanted her to look away so he could glance back down, “You’re too much, Lacey Morgan.”

 She smirked, “You know you love it.”

 He laughed, and started backing away from her and towards he English Building, “I’ll see you at 11:30, Lacey.”

 She waved to him, then sauntered off, making sure to add a little extra sway to her hips, just in case he was watching.  A glance back to where she had left him confirmed that he was indeed still watching her, a wide, dopey grin on his face.  She turned back to her current course and hustled to her first class.

 As she settled into the front row seat in her geology classroom, she grinned, recalling her banter with James.  She was kind of confused by him.  One minute, he was looking at her like she was his muse, and the next he was poking fun at her.  And suddenly, the rocks she was about to learn about seemed boring. She struggled to pay attention to what was being talked about by the professor, even though it was just syllabus things and she'd read her syllabus ten times at least.  She was distracted, and it was not okay.  She needed to get him out of her system so she could focus on her education, the real reason she was at Hartfeld in the first place.

 After class, she went to the front of the room to introduce herself to Dr. Jones.  He was an elderly gentleman who was soft-spoken, and passionate about rocks.  He'd been everywhere in the world, and seen every rock. Every type of rock, every color of rock, if it was a rock he had seen it, as was evident from the few moments she had paid attention during the first class. She was surprised to see that out of the large lecture class, she was the only one approaching the professor after class.

 "Hi Dr. Jones, I'm Lacey Morgan,” she stated reaching out her hand to shake the professor’s.

 "Good morning, Ms. Morgan, what can I do for you?" 

 "I actually just wanted to introduce myself.  I'm excited for this class, though.  I've been interested in it since my class in high school covered metamorphic and sedimentary and igneous rocks.  It was very brief, and I'm sure I'll learn more while I'm here!" 

 "Ms. Morgan, are you hoping to be a geology major?"

 "Oh, no!  I am going to be a journalist, but I'm fascinated by this and just wanted to take it." 

 "You could always consider a minor.  And it's helpful to have broad, basic subject knowledge anyway.  I hope you enjoy the class, Ms. Morgan."

 "Thank you, Dr. Jones.  I can't wait to begin!"

 Lacey shook his hand again and walked out, over to the next building for her math class.  She glanced up and saw a seat next to Tyler and Zack, who she didn't know were going to be in this class, but she ventured over to where they were seated and sat down with them anyway.

 "Hi guys!  Fancy seeing you here!" 

 "Lacey!  Where were you this morning?" Zack asked, moving his bag from the seat next to him so she could sit.

 "I have the 8 am Geology class!"

 "Why?  Do you hate yourself?" Tyler asked jokingly.

 "I'm a morning person, so it's not too big a deal."

 "I already regret the 9 am.  Especially since I have with the two of you.  Now I have no way to skip unnoticed!" Zack moaned.  Lacey and Tyler chuckled at him as their professor, Dr. Atiyah, began the lecture.  It was, again, a syllabus day, and they did next to no math.  

 After the lecture concluded, Zack and Tyler left for their next class, computer science, and Lacey approached Dr. Atiyah.

 "Hello," the professor greeted her before she could say anything.

 "Hello Dr. Atiyah, I'm Lacey Morgan, and I just wanted to come introduce myself to you."

 "Nice to meet you, Lacey.  Are you here to get the math requirement out of the way like most of your peers?"

 Lacey didn't know Dr. Atiyah yet, so she didn't know that she was asking kindly, so Lacey took a cautious approach, "Well, I'm not very good at math, but I do like it.  When something clicks and you can go through steps to get a correct answer, it's more rewarding than just finishing a paper or test.  But I figured if I didn't take a math class for a while, I would kind of forget how to do it.  It's not like riding a bike for me."

 "Well, we're happy you're here anyway.  And if you find yourself struggling, don't hesitate to talk to me."

 "Thank you, Dr. Atiyah.  I'm sure I'll spend as much time in your office as I do Dr. Vasquez's this quarter."

 "Are you his new assistant?"

 "Yes.  It's been a wild ride, but I'm optimistic.  His TA, James, is helping me get the hang of it."

 "I'm glad.  James is a wonderful young man who I’ve had the immense privilege of working with on many occasions.  He will be a great help to you."

 "He seems very nice and helpful,” Lacey left out how he was dreamy and everything she had ever wanted in a man. “I am looking forward to working with him."

 "Best of luck to you, Lacey,” she said, knowingly.

 "Thank you," she nodded and smiled, then packed up her bag to leave.

 There were a couple of hours between when she needed to meet James, so she decided to check out the rec center.  She rushed to her apartment, didn't see anyone sitting in the common areas, and changed into leggings and tennis shoes and a Women's Basketball tank.

 After an effective workout, she decided to grab a basketball and shoot some hoops.  She was pulling up and shooting a three point jumpshot when Ericka West, point guard for the real team entered the gym.  With a nod towards Lacey, Ericka took up a spot underneath the hoop, pulling her long braids up into one ponytail.  Lacey drilled the shot, and Ericka grabbed the rebound.

 "Hey, I'm Ericka," the other girl said, passing the ball back to Lacey.

 Lacey caught it and took another shot, the ball barely touching the net as she made it, "Ericka West!  Hey!  I'm a big fan.  You're really talented.  I can't wait to see how you lead the team this season!"

 "And why aren't you on our team?  We're short in the shooting guard position."

 "Ah, that's because I'm not a true shooting guard."

 "Well we're short at the point too.  If anything happens to me, we're SOL.  Try out to be a walk-on."

 "I am flattered that you think I could, but I promise you I'm not good enough."

 "What's your name?  Where'd you go to high school?"

 "Lacey Morgan, Water Heights."

 "Ahh, public school in Boston.  Me too."

 "Not to be creepy but, I know.  I dreamed of playing here forever, and following your career was inspiring as I tried forming my own."

 "Why don't you want to play in college?"

 "It's not that I don't want to, I'm just afraid.  I'm afraid if I keep playing it competitively, I won't love it and want to come here and shoot for fun."

 "Can I tell you a secret?" Lacey nodded in response.  "If you loved it in the first place, nothing can make you fall out of love."

 "I'll take your word for it,” truthfully, Lacey would have loved to have been a Hartfeld Knight, she just didn’t think she was good enough for a basketball scholarship, and she didn’t know about how much time it would take as opposed to how much time she would have on top of her studies.

 "You know, we are always looking for managers to practice with us.  We usually use guys, but coach wants us to find women to practice against, which is hard."

 "Yeah, I can see that.  But I don't know if I'm what you're looking for."

 "Let's play some one-on-one then.  I don't believe you when you say that you're not what we're looking for."

 "Okay,” Lacey agreed, only because she wanted to play basketball with one of Hartfeld’s greatest point guards of all time.

 Lacey took the ball first, because Erika was infinitely better.  The two of them traded buckets for a while, when Lacey was finally able to get a stop on defense.

 "Hey, nice play Morgan.  Looks like you're not as bad as you thought you were.  You should try out to be a manager.  You're a helluva athlete."

 "I'm flattered Ericka, but, when would that be?  I don't want to commit before I know my workload for the semester."

 "It's in a month or so.  I'd be happy to train with you in the meantime.  I think we'd push each other well, even if you decide against it."

 "Oh, yeah that'd be great!"

 "It pays, too.  So if you need some spare change, it'll help out.  It's a big commitment, but you would still get to play."

 "Thanks Ericka, I'll think about it."

 "Awesome.  See you around Lacey.  How's 6 am tomorrow for you?"

 "Perfect.  See you then."

 Lacey stood for a minute in shock.  Had this just happened?  She went from not having any money, to having a research assistant position to pay for her costs of attending, and the opportunity to try out for a job doing what she loved.  Even when her life seemed to be falling apart, it still had a way of coming back together.

 She rushed home and showered, then changed.  She remembered how James had looked at her earlier, and since it had warmed up since the morning, she pulled on a navy tank with two thin straps, and a pair of white jeans.  Her breasts looked perky, and she was showing a tasteful amount of cleavage.  Hopefully he would like it.

 After slipping on a pair of brown sandals, she rushed off to meet James outside of the English building.

 When she got to the front of the building, James was walking out.  His face lit up when he saw her, and she could tell he was restraining himself from greeting her with a hug.

 "Hey!"

 "Hey, James!  How are you?"

 "Long morning.  I'm glad to take a break with you though."

 He was giving her the muse look.  She didn't know how she wasn’t melting under his gaze.  

 "I'm sorry.  What happened?"

 "Vasquez stuff.  He's been really hard on these freshman already, and I don't see it improving anytime soon.  They are terrified, and I think they're scared of me, too.  Even though I didn't say anything."

 "Well, that's probably why they're scared of you.  Maybe if you talked to them before class, just a couple of them, kind of casual, that would probably help a bit."

 "I'm not a particularly social person, in case you hadn't noticed."

 "James, it's your job to help Vasquez and these students.  Quit being a baby, you can do it.  Promise."

 "Damn, you're a hardass, Morgan.  Remind me never to cross you."

 "Don't put yourself in a position to cross me."

 They had walked across the quad and reached the student union.  James held the door open for her and she crossed in front of him to enter.

 "Thank you," she called behind her as James followed through after her.

 "What do you want to eat?  My treat, since you're helping me out," James offered.

 "Oh, are you sure?  You don't have to..."

 "I want to," he insisted.

 "Okay, then you pick since it's your money." 

 "Hmmm..." he looked around, and Lacey wondered what was taking him so long.  "I've never actually eaten at any of these places."

 "James!  McDermot's?  Metro Subs?” when he didn’t respond to her, she made an executive decision, “Come on, we're getting McDermot's."

 Lacey grasped his wrist and tugged him along.  There was a small line, and James asked, "What does one even order from here?"

 "James!  A burger and fries is a good start."

 "What do you order?"

 "I'll get either chicken strips and fries, or the Southwest chicken salad."

 "A salad.  At McDermot's?"

 "Don't knock it 'til you try it."

 "What should I get?"

 "What do you like?"

 "Order for me.  I want to know what you think I would like."

 "James!  You're going to be stuck with what I order!  What if you don't like it?  Who am I kidding, it's McDermot's, you won't like it."

 By this point, they had made their way to the front of the line, and Lacey ordered, "I'll have the Southwest Chicken salad, and an order of chicken nuggets and fries, with BBQ sauce."

 James paid, then turned to her and said, "Why BBQ sauce?"

 "That's what I would have gotten with them."

 "Okay.  Let's try then."

 After a couple of minutes of small talk, their orders were ready, and they grabbed their drinks.  James led her to a quiet corner of the food court, and they took a seat.  Lacey watched as James opened his box and his sauce, and looked on intently as he glanced up at her.

 "What are you doing?"

 "I just want to see your first bite.  I'll stop being weird after, I promise."

 "Bold of you to assume you can stop the weirdness,” he teased good-naturedly.

 "Hey!"

 "This isn't my first chicken nugget, Lacey."

 "Okay, then just eat it," she opened her salad, pouring her dressing on, squeezing out the lime.

 He glanced over at her, "If you must, you may watch."

 "Oh, I may, may I?  You're really inhabiting the era of your play aren't you now?"

 “Lacey, Lacey, Lacey… you are funny aren’t you?”

 “I know I am,” Lacey winked at him and they ate, throwing a couple of insults back and forth, joking with one another, smiling, enjoying each other’s company.

 Once they were both about done with their meals, James asked, “So, do you mind looking over this scene for me? Something feels off for me.”

 “Of course, what scene?”

 “It’s, ah, it’s a scene close to the beginning. It’s actually a flashback to where William leaves for the war.  Would you read it?”

 Lacey took the printed sheets of paper and read over them.  It was a scene where Elizabeth was sorrowfully pleading with William not to leave her.  He explained over and over that going to the war would allow him to rise above his station, and be a man worthy of marrying her.  And then, tragically, he left.

 I must, Elizabeth, I must away.

 You cannot leave me.  For if you go to war, you may not die, but I will.  I will die without you.

 Lacey scribbled on the paper, her one note. She was in awe of what he’d written. She had tears slipping down her cheek.

 “Oh, James.  This is beautiful.  So beautiful.”

 “What was your note?”

 “Oh!  Just that Will sometimes speaks to properly.  I think he should call Elizabeth, Lizzie.  So for example, instead of I must, Elizabeth, I must away, say something more casual, maybe like, Lizzie, the train… it’s here.”

 “Lacey, you’re a genius!  I knew I made the right decision in asking for your help.  God, you’re so insightful.”

“I’m just a second pair of eyes, James.  You just need someone else, it doesn’t have to be me, just someone.”

 “No, Lacey, it has to be you.”

 “Why?” she looked up and saw he was leaning closer to her.  They were a breath apart, and all she wanted, more than anything, was to lean in and kiss him.

 “Lacey,” he gazed into her eyes.

 “James…”

 “We’re in the student union.”

 “Please,” she whispered, “why me?”

 He sighed, “Lacey, I am inexplicably drawn to you. I want to make fun of you.  I want to meet you every Monday in the student union. I want you in my life, Lacey.  I have fun with you, Lacey.  I don’t have a lot of friends, because in case you haven’t noticed, I tend to spend a lot of time in my head, thinking, and I don’t really observe things well.  But when I met you, I don’t know.  I was brought out of my own head.  I saw you. You bring me out of my own head. I’m glad to have met you, and I’m happy to do what I can to keep you here, and to keep your job with Vasquez. You’re different than his other assistants, by the way.  They were all incompetent.  Even stripe guy.  In fact, he was the worst.”

 “But not me?”

 “No, not you, Lacey.  You’re a grand talent.”

 “James, you don’t know me.”

 “Maybe, but I can’t wait to get to know you.”

[blubberquark]

Another asyncIO Anti-Pattern

I already wrote about the asnycio anti-pattern of splitting up your async code into many little functions and running them sequentially with run_until_complete(coroutine). That way you only ever have one thread of execution and your program flow still blocks.

But I recently saw the opposite problem in code written by somebody new to asnycio. He didn't want to use the raw socket module, because socket.read() might not give you the right number of bytes. So he decided to use asnycio and to use Steams, an abstraction over sockets. Streams have methods like stream.readuntil(separator) or stream.readexactly(number_of_bytes) - This whole mess could have been avoided if there was an abstraction like streams over blocking sockets, and if the socket module docs linked to that. Alas, plenty stuff like that exists on PyPI, but not in the standard library.

So what is the other anti-pattern? It happens when you write your whole program with co-routines, and run everything, including blocking I/O, CPU-bound caculation, and user interaction, inside the event loop.

import asyncio async def my_main(): host =input("host to connect to> ") port =int(input("port number> ")) reader, writer = await asyncio.open_connection(host=host, port=port) while True: data=input("> ").encode("utf-8") writer.write(data) await writer.drain() if not data: writer.close() break if __name__ == '__main__': loop = asyncio.get_event_loop() loop.run_until_complete(my_main()) loop.close()

You might say that this isn't so bad. It's just writing single-threade code to run under asyncio. But it is bad, because by adding blocking I/O anywhere to your coroutines, you prevent the loop from doing its thing and force the whole program to be single-threaded.

import asyncio async def background_beat(): while True: print("tick") await asyncio.sleep(1) async def my_main(): await asyncio.sleep(5) host =input("host to connect to> ") port =int(input("port number> ")) reader, writer = await asyncio.open_connection(host=host, port=port) while True: data=input("> ").encode("utf-8") writer.write(data) await writer.drain() if not data: writer.close() break if __name__ == '__main__': loop = asyncio.get_event_loop() loop.create_task(background_beat()) loop.run_until_complete(my_main()) loop.close()

While my_main is suspended by sleep(5), the background_beat task prints something every second. But as when my_main enters the section dominated by blocking I/O, the ticks stop. The control flow doesn't return to the event loop during blocking operations, and the event loop doesn't have the time to schedule background_beat to run every second.

It looks like this on my machine:

# accept connection in other terminal user@host$ nc -l -p 5000 # run bad code in new window user@host$ python antipattern.py tick tick tick tick tick host to connect to> localhost port number> 5000 tick > foobar > data > do you see any ticks? > this is bad > I have been typing really slowly > more than ten seconds have elapsed > oh no >

If you're doing asyncio, all I/O must be done via await. Only awaitable I/O returns control to the event loop. Even but non-bocking I/O without await is not enough. Here's an example to show what I mean: (When you run this example, you need to type in the data in the other terminal, into nc. You also need to run nc -l -p $PORT in another terminal obviously)

import asyncio import socket async def background_beat(): while True: print("tick") await asyncio.sleep(1) async def my_server(): await asyncio.sleep(5) host =input("host to connect to> ") port =int(input("port number> ")) sock = socket.socket(socket.AF_INET, socket.SOCK_STREAM) sock.settimeout(0.001) sock.connect((host, port)) while True: try: data = sock.recv(1024).decode("utf-8") if data[:4]=="quit": return None print(data) except: # no data pass if __name__ == '__main__': loop = asyncio.get_event_loop() loop.create_task(background_beat()) loop.run_until_complete(my_server()) loop.close()

This program does "non-blocking" I/O, but it doesn't use await, so you see ticks for a while, and then no more.

TL;DR Putting blocking I/O or long-running CPU-bound computation without any await into your code will look big-free as long as your program only follows a single thread of execution, but if you try to add some actual concurrency - for example by scheduling another coroutine task - you will find it won't work.

If you use asnycio, don't put any clock.tick() or socket.recv() or pygame.time.wait() or pygame.event.get() or input() or vsync inside async def methods. If you want to use these, you have to run the event loop in a different OS thread from your blocking code, and schedule async coroutines via asyncio.run_coroutine_threadsafe().

Or you could follow my tutorials for interleaving asyncio with a PyGame game loop:

concurrency terminology

Part I, intro

Part II, pygame and asyncio

Part III, things to avoid

Part IV, same with threading

Part V, cool applications

[8bit-code]

{things that helped me as a c0mputer science major}

Hi! So I wanted to make a post sharing some of the stuff that helped me improve at computer science but some of this advice can be applied to any subject you're studying. Hopefully, these tips will help you if you're beginning your journey in CS at University/College.

*I'm still learning and I'm nowhere near perfect so there may be some things in here that you disagree with but that's okay because everyone has different learning styles. A lot of this advice stems from personal experience so I don't expect these tips to work for everyone. With that being said, feel free to reblog this post with your own tips :)*

"How do I even know if I want to do CS at University?"

Well, Comp-Sci is obviously not everyone's cup of tea but chances are if you are curious to learn more about the subject (either as a hobby or career) it's a good idea to take a couple of intro/beginner courses to see how you feel about it before you major in it. It may be discouraging to hear some of your peers changing their majors from Computer Science saying that it's either "too boring" or "too hard". Most likely they either majored in CS because of only the pay or because they thought it would be easier than it turned out to be. But have no fear! As long as you're passionate about learning this totally awesome subject and are persistent through the challenging areas, you'll do great!

*note: there is nothing wrong with changing your major if you find something that you love more and would rather dedicate more time to. Just don't feel like you have to change your major if you're not confident that you will be successful as a computer scientist due to your skill level because you will get better. I promise.*

1. [stay consistent when learning programming languages]

Imagine you want to learn a foreign language like French, Arabic, or Japanese. Do you pick up a book and read it once or twice a week and expect to be fluent in a couple of months? Of course not! You need to be consistent and set aside at least an hour every day to sit down and learn/practice your language of choice. The same applies to programming languages. You have to dedicate enough time outside of class to really develop your coding skills but make sure you leave enough time for your hobbies and to relax because you don't want to burn out. Consistency is the key. Remember, if you don't use it you lose it.

2. [ask a lot of questions in class!]

You won't believe how many times students have a question during a lecture but don't ask it, instead they tell themselves that they'll "google it when I get home." But the reality is that most of the time they'll be too tired or forget to look up their question on the web. Even if they remember, the answers they get on the web won't always fit their question. You may be doing this too often but are unaware of it. It's understandable if you have anxiety from speaking in the presence of a crowd or are too afraid that your question is too basic. Please don't feel this way! Most of the students in your class are in the same position as you, some are probably even more confused. When you ask your question in class you not only help yourself understand the concept better but you also allow the professor to explain the topic further which benefits the whole class.

*note: not all professors allow for questions in the middle of a lecture so take advantage of office hours to ask them questions you wrote in your notes.*

3. [make connections with your professors]

The reason why we're in college is to find something we love and make a career out of it, right? Well logically, one of the main steps of getting a career is to make connections with your professors! Businesses and organizations work with universities all the time; whether it's for on-campus events, internships for undergrads, or scholarships. Your professors know about these opportunities probably more than anyone else because they have to sit in meetings discussing them for hours and is why you should talk to them if you're interested in any of this stuff. Like I said before, take advantage of their office hours. Let them know you want to volunteer at events, apply for any internships, or apply for merit-based scholarships. Show them that you want to do more than just be a student and that you're ready to do more work for an impressive resume. I wouldn't have been able to get a fraction of the opportunities I did if it weren't for my professor's emailing me about them or writing letters of recommendation for me (which happened because I volunteered myself to work on projects even if it meant that sacrificing other responsibilities sometimes). In short: put yourself out there and get noticed.

4. [learn how to use online resources]

There's no avoiding staying up trying to work on a project that's completely boggling your mind. If you feel like you won't get it to work no matter what you do, don't worry because the internet is your best friend. It's no surprise the number of resources available on the internet is almost endless but what might surprise you is the number of solutions to the specific question you have. Yup, there are people out there struggling with the same problem as you and plenty of people offering different solutions. It's very important to remember that you shouldn't blindly copy/paste their solutions into your code if you don't how it works. You first need to identify what you did wrong and what their solution did right. This allows you to learn from your mistakes and prevents you from running into the same problems over and over again.

5. [learn how to use GitHub]

No explanation is needed, just please learn how to use it. You are welcome.

6. [avoid procrastinating!]

You already know this is a bad habit and if you don't do it, congratulations you can skip this part or you can continue reading. Procrastinating results in projects messily put together the hour before it's due (don't lie, you've been there) and professors notice it, don't think they don't. Procrastination is something we don't want to do but I'm not gonna sit here and say "stop procrastinating" because that won't work (it surely doesn't work for me), but I have some tips to avoid procrastinating.

a. Create fake deadlines for assignments that are actually earlier than the real due date! This tricks your brain to procrastinate according to the fake deadline but you'll still have time to fix and polish your assignment before the real due date. This works for me 100% of the time.

b. Work with your classmate(s) on assignments. We often procrastinate when we're working on projects alone because we are working at our own pace, which is usually avoiding doing it all week and cramming it the night before we turn it in. When you have a partner working on it with you it's required that you work at a steady pace in order to keep up with them and finish the assignment on time. You can either meet up with your partner after class or online. This tip works like a charm, it's motivated me to work on assignments that I've been neglecting when my classmates asked me "how did you do X in our assignment?" or "let's screenshare our code and work on it together!"

7. [explore different fields in computer science]

Computer Science is a very broad study that has many specific concentrations. Someone might have zero interest in machine learning but love cybersecurity and one who has no plans on learning how to create programs might have a passion for computer hardware. You need to explore different areas you feel like you might be interested in. Visit workshops on them or take a couple of classes at a local CC and see which you love the most.

Good luck with your endeavors in computer science! Hopefully, these tips help you and remind to never give up. You can do this! I’m sure I missed a bunch of stuff so share some stuff that helps you stay on track. I want to make posts more often so please wait for them :) also feel free to ask me anything you want to know and I'll answer it to the best of my ability <3

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Cells at Work! 13 (FINAL) | Double Decker! 2 | Slime Datta Ken 1 | Run with the Wind 1 | Bakumatsu 1 | Zombieland Saga 1 | DakaIchi 1 | Radiant 1 | SSSS.Gridman 1

Warning for discussion of 18+, potentially triggery things within the DakaIchi discussion...and the nature of that show being a yaoi will tell you whether you want to read that discussion in the first place. (There are full stops and lines around it in case you want to dodge that particular part, since Radiant comes right after it.)

...Otherwise, have at it.

Cells at Work! 13 (FINAL)

Apparently “distal” just means your extremities…

For some reason, I already knew about the fact that you can die from losing one third of your blood…because I read a Tumblr post that was meant to be for action writers and it was about blood loss.

…Huh? Was this a blood transfusion? That would explain why these new RBCs are so clueless about our RBC. Update: Yup, guessed it.

Come to think of it, there’s a WBC Nendoroid and a Platelet one but no RBC. That’s a bit disappointing…

The WBCs using that wobbly stick thing in the background are amusing, eheh.

Anyways, that was fun, even if I did get used to the routine of RBC getting lost and WBC fighting antigens in the end. See you next time!

Double Decker! 2

We’re now properly in the fall season, and of course now that the first drop’s out of the way, we’re starting with the best show this season (at least for the moment).

So does that mean if we’re NEETs we’re not paying for these detectives…? Is this an incentive for people to pay their taxes (LOL)…? (Okay, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Sheesh.)

DD Partners…? Sounds…uh, partnery, considering what DD stands for.

Why is Travis blinking so much when he’s apologising…?

Snarky narrator is fun. I thought it was Kirill during ep 1 (or at least, it was for a bit), but now this narrator’s talking too much in 3rd person for it to be true. Maybe…it’s future Kirill. *collective facepalms from the peanut gallery* Or maybe it’s Kirill and a narrator, and Kirill will then break the 4th wall somewhere.

Now that’s monkeying around…LOL. *gets pelted by tomatoes* Oh c’mon, can’t I get in a decent joke around here?!

Well, as much as the can thing Doug does to Kirill is tropey for anime, I gotta admit this ain’t monkey busin-eh? You want me to stop with the jokes? Aw. Fine then, I’ll stop…

There’s something utterly relatable about having gone down the path of your dreams, only for it not to work out. In fact, I think I’m going down that path right now and I need to decide where to head next. That’s why I’m watching this episode right now – to make sure I don’t regret my future, by focussing on the present with a good anime.

According to this link to Google Books I got when I googled ��ignis” and “desperatio” together, this might have something to do with a Panegyric of the Saints…something to do with hell, worms, fire and despair…? Uh, wuh? Am I just investigating this the wrong way?

Sanctus Bridge? As in “sanctuary”? Wow, that’s…ironic.

The rabbit police mascot…you can see it on Deana’s dashboard, LOL. Plus the bird police mascot that goes with it.

The name shots you get of these criminals aren’t nearly as good as “dick suck” (sic) in Kekkai Sensen, but they’re pretty close. Plus they actually do have correct Japanese translations, unlike “dick suck” (LOL).

Seriously, what’s up with Doug’s head prodding? Is it to stop him from trichotillomania (which is the pulling out of hair)? I can see it getting vaguely annoying when the excitement of a new season wears off…

The CGI is kind of awkward in this. You’d need to stare at it for a bit to realise it’s CGI and it’s not the worst effort I’ve seen (*grumbles* Tsukigakirei *grumble*) but it’s still pretty bad…

Oh! Those doors! Is Doug’s car…a DeLorean? (dramatic piano SFX in background)

Was it just me, or did Kirill’s face go funny for a second as he was moping about how he didn’t get to do anything…?

“Let me be your Double Decker!” – That’s what he says as a double decker bus goes by…clever wordplay, huh?

“One is poverty. The other is class.” – Okay, my studies tell me that’s pretty much impossible. Even in social situations, you have a clear leader and subordinates. Poverty is fine and dandy in regards to giving the boot – heck, that’s why things like the Millenium Development Goals exist (or rather, existed in that case, since those were replaced in 2015) – but class? That’s a bit of a difficult one, unless you want to resort to hardline socialist methods, Marxist methods…or communist ones. Not that any of those are bad, it’s just that I happen to like capitalism,even with its flaws and no matter what imbalances it causes to others. It’s just that not having capitalism would mean everyone’s equal, but then everyone’s worse off as a result…because if everyone has the same stuff, no one is different and no one is diverse enough to make anyone special. Get what I mean?

I think this episode sold me even more on the show, the premise…the everything. Except maybe that “I want to get rid of class” part.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime 1

I just memorise this show as “Slime Datta Ken”, so if you’re wondering what that is…now you know.

What was that opening segment for, man…? This is just a boring isekai intro.

I’m laughing! He values his computer over his life? As much as I know I’m attached to my computer, you should prioritise 1) getting Mikami an ambulance, 2) stopping the blood flow or 3) just getting Mikami to preserve his own life. Not that I’ve ever been in a life or death scenario, but that’s common sense, even if it’s a bit nihilistic or unrealistic.

Seriously, there’s currently no pull but how intriguing these unexplained “acquisition” scenes are. Like seriously. Those effects are cool and somewhat intriguing in the same way as Juuni Taisen was.

The picture of a flower…where did it come from? A child? Hmm, interesting way to express such a though process.

The CGI of the reveal was actually really good. Like, Houseki no Kuni good!

Actually, this is very Houseki no Kuni. Reestablishing what it is that makes humans human and what causes a creature to live and all that.

I never knew a slime could be this expressive…

“I see you have guts.” – That’s probably something you shouldn’t say to a slime, LOL.

Oh! This reminds me of a writing piece I had to do one time where you had to tell a tale from a monster’s perspective and make them sympathetic. I wrote about a dragon, so there’s something nostalgic about this.

There really isn’t a lot of movement in this show. Not that I mind it – Juuni Taisen I used to love a bunch and that was based off a novel, but this is an LN-based show…the level of writing in this show is clearly from the LN camp, for one thing. How it got such great production values, however, is another question entirely…

The slime and dragon friendship that just formed made me wanna go “ET!”, just because the gesture they did to seal said friendship did kind of look like that, haha.

Mechasoft Doors MX…hey, I am getting my fix of anime OSs this season after all! Just…not in Gridman yet. Update: There are zero OSs in Gridman, not in episode 1 at least...

Oh wow! That fight scene was so darned cool! It makes me wanna see more already! And the fact he (I already know from promo material the slime’s name is Rimuru) uses his slime form and human form interchangeably…that’s even cooler!

The font down the bottom and up the top of the next episode box appears to say “Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken” (due to the frequency of one of the symbols that appears to be an S, then you do the same for E and you realise it works…then you realise the text is just stylised romaji). There are zeroes and ones on the left and right sides, which might correlate to Rimuru’s “analysis voice”…whatever that may be. Anyways, I’m pretty confident this’ll be something for my lineup, but it’s too early for judgement calls. It’s a keeper…for now.

Run with the Wind 1

Now here’s a show I didn’t expect to follow going in…I picked it up merely on ANN recs.

I’m laughing like a maniac! As much as it was a compelling opening, after the dude arrives on his bike and asks “Do you like running?” to a thief, I lost it. For some reason, I find it almost so unrealistic it became hilarious, in a stupid sort of way. Or maybe I just have a really bad sense of humour. Who knows?

That one guy running in the back in the OP is basically me every time I’m meant to do something physical. Even going up three floors via stairs gets me out of breath though and I live a fairly sedentary lifestyle, so I ain’t a good comparison.

That nickname “Shindo” puzzles me. I can’t think of a kanji combo that would result in wordplay with the characters for “god” and “child” using the name “Takashi Sugiyama”, but I guess maybe we’ll find out in a later episode…?

Thank…uh, goodness for the censorship on Musa…

Musa speaks unusually politely (because I noticed he used “gozonji desu” at one point, which is a keigo variant for “shitteiru”). Maybe it’s because they barely know each other that there’s keigo being flung about. That seems reasonable, at least.

There’s something authentic about this sense of camaraderie. I can tell because my extended family is huge, so gatherings are often like this but multiplied in scale.

“Tsuru no Yu” – Technically that translates to “Crane’s Bath”…”Public Bath” is the place’s purpose.

I was wondering why we’d somehow reverted to not having 10 dudes, but then they show this is actually Haiji’s perspective of the event from the start of the episode and show the scar on his knee. That’s gotta be important for later.

…and Haiji left his towel, LOL.

I still laugh every time I see Haiji’s stupid face (the one he makes when he asks “Do you like running?”).

I’ve associated the slurring of words like “yakusoku-ssu” to be for smol bishies like Yumoto, so having Haiji use it is a bit of whiplash. Then again, apparently that slurring is only used by men to assert their masculinity as far as I know…so, uh, yeah.

Actually…I’ve been wondering. How long are courses at this uni? Where I am, being a straight literature major is 3 years (assuming you also do other stuff that fulfils a straight Arts degree). Also, Fune wo Amu (by the same creator) is about a dude making a dictionary…hmm, so the creator really likes books.

Wait, as far as my short term memory operates, most of these guys at Chikuseisou do arts majors, aside from the law student and the smoker (who does engineering). They do literature or sociology, mostly. So if that’s correct…the author also likes sociology. I’ve been thinking about doing some sociology myself, it would really complement what I know about international studies.

As explained by Kyra, chiku – sei – sou. The sei means blue/green and the chiku means bamboo. Switching the two and reading them differently gives you “Aotake”.

Rent’s $300? Must be cheap, eh?

Also see Kyra’s post for information about the food-based suicide note.

The Kanto Gogakuren refers to this manga, Sakigake!! Otokojuku. It’s basically Again!!, but with more Fist of the North Star-style dudes.

Hmm…turns out you can refer to this show as KazeTsuyo. That’s going to make me confuse it with SekaTsuyo, though…(SekaTsuyo = Wanna Be the Strongest in the World!) Also, it turns out the character for “Kakeru” in this case means “to run” (normally it means “to dash” with a kanji normally used for flying). Wait…did I ever mention how much this show’s aesthetic visuals always look as if they’re a Powerpoint theme (see images below)? They do look like that, don’t they?

I still have no idea why Kakeru has a bad case of resting b**** face, but…uh yeah, forget I said that. The sound direction in this show’s really nice. It really takes advantage of quiet moment to insert natural sounds.

I think if you go “yes!” when Haiji says “I’m going to win over all the dudes”, then you’re sold on the show. I did go “yes”, just without speaking. You know those feelings you only get in your gut and heart? Yeah, like that.

Huh? I noticed a dude called Bruce Chiou is in the credits and he’s definitely on RErideD this season too…

Out of this one, Slime Datta Ken and Double Decker it’s ranked last, but this show’s still a pretty strong addition to the seasonal lineup. Only time will tell if I kick it out or not…

Bakumatsu 1

The only experience I have with this era in anime is Bakumatsu Rock, I think…and that means I don’t know much about it.

Actually…considering the OP, scratch that. I know a bunch because of Touken Ranbu and other similar historical shows.

A…boob window? On a man? I get the black skintight vest is meant to be sexy, but I can’t see the point of that diamond…it’s just something extra for the animators and the illustrators to deal with.

C’mon. Can we not have Dudes Swishing Their Swords at the 4th Wall as something meant to hype up the audience? It’s a cliché, almost as bad as the running scenes you often get in OPs and EDs…Seriously, I can’t believe I’m getting mad at 10 dudes swinging their swords like this (specifically I’m getting mad because they were all in succession – doesn’t matter if it was in time to the music or not).

Okay, who transplanted WWI into this? I know that’s the point of the show, but the sepia really sold the idea of “this is meant to be Old-Timey Wimey Stuff and whoever’s meant to be watching is meant to be a history buff so they can spot the difference”.

Part of the ep title is “Mou Ichido no Bakumatsu”, so a better translation is “The Bakumatsu (Era) – Again!”

Wait, I thought Kondo was meant to look hotter than this (especially because he had what appears to be a coin – or an old-timey family crest – on his head). The frumpy mouth doesn’t sell the goods, yo.

Somehow…I knew Katsura would have glasses. He has them in Bakumatsu Rock. But is it historically accurate to have glasses in the Bakumatsu era, though?

Come to think of it…something that controls time would be pretty hard to destroy, no?

I think I read on ANN that swords being too big to draw in ship quarters is accurate. Hmm.

If this is such an important treasure…then why not have more padlocks on it? Or more guards closer to it (although those guys probably ran away)? Or some other protection around it? Couldn’t this supposed Yoshinobu-sama fight for himself?...Then again, I think this is just a case of overthinking. (insert MST3K mantra here)

Puh-lease. As much as I want a kunoichi (lady ninja) in my shows, don’t make them Naruto run. That’s one of my pet peeves…

Uh…Hagi? That’s probably it, considering there’s a river in the show.

Kakesoba.

Kamaboko.

Tanuki soba.

Well, there’s something to be said about being able to steal Shinsengumi jackets while the men are eating noodles. At least it didn’t involve knocking them out though (weak LOL).

Okay…why do the Shinsengumi look like waiters now? As much as I like a dude in a waiter suit, if I wanted a waiter, I’d go to a fancy French restaurant…

I feel like I’m being clubbed over the head with themes in this show. C’mon, have more tact than that.

There’s basically no chemistry between these guys (Katsura and Shinsaku). How did they meet?

Wait, so Darker Blue is Sakamoto if Green is Katsura and Red is Shinsaku? Sakamoto (Ryouma) is the redhead in Bakumatsu Rock, isn’t he? Okay then. But who’s White?

Seriously, Shinsaku. Learn from the kunoichi and stay quiet and stealthy. I don’t need another shonen hero…

Oh man, Toshizou is normally one of the Shinsengumi I like best (or at least I recognise his name more) out of these kinds of shows. If he has Perma-Scowl, I can’t possibly like this version.

Oh goodness. Souji’s a friggin’ sadist. Come to think of it though, I think this (Okita) Souji looks like the one from Gintama.

Why does Toshizou sound a frigton like any given Touken Ranbu sword…?

If that katana is symbolic…Toshizou must be hecka masculine, LEL. (Note: A “LEL” is not quite a LOL, it’s mostly done in jest. If anything, it’s probably about half a LOL.)

If that blonde ain’t Abe no Seimei, Yoshinobu-sama or some other important historical figure I know the name of, I’m eating my hat! (Not that I’m wearing one, it’s a figure of speech.)

I like Sakamoto’s face here, but man, I get distracted by the man candy below it…(i.e. his abs and bare chest, LOL. What did you think I was referring to?)

Oh great. (sarcastic) Sanada Yukimura almost always has that silly helmet, ever since Sengoku Musou I’ve pretty much tried to run away from it. I’d recognise it anywhere.

Who had the grand idea of letting Sanada keep his horse, anyway?

Okay, as much as I like making snarky comments, I made one too many here, methinks. Time for the drop pile.

Zombieland Saga 1

I read spoilers just a little bit, so I know the main twist is “zombie idols that sing death metal” already. If you didn’t want to know that at this point…sorry.

Whoa! They killed their protag off the bat? Not that I didn’t know that wouldn’t happen (already knew it would), but that’s gutsy. Truck-kun, go back to your darn isekai shows already.

Okay, I know this is a schoolgirl, but can we not with Sakura’s Schoolgirl Run for Dainty Ladies? This is a zombie show, dangit. Run properly. Can we also not with the boob jiggle?

Well, that’s one way to defeat a police officer (or get yourself arrested): Spade to the Brain.

Otsumami appears to be the name for the squid in Kotaro’s pocket.

You can’t see Kotaro’s eyes, even behind those sunnies…hmm…

Wow. Miyano sounds like he’s having such fun voicing Kotaro, y’know?

From the flyer: “They are coming soon from the underground...” Yup, that’s right, alright. Zombies have already come from the underground.

Tae’s credited under ????. They’re still holding out on us!

It seems like a pretty good keeper, provided you can keep up with who’s who.

.

..

...

DakaIchi 1

Yep, the BL anime. Thought I’d never try one? Think again.

As much as I do think I’d want to be hugged by Takato, his face…makes him look like he came out of Junjou Romantica…? Uhh…awkward.

Please don’t let this be a work full of sadism and BDSM. I’m not that kinky, y’know…?

Uh, if you ever knew “boundaries”, Azumaya, that would be great. Thanks.

LOL, what a way to win a dude over. $10! That is cheap for a star.

I’m still wondering if this all constitutes “assault” or some other illegal business. I mean, Takato agreed to everything under the influence of a bunch of drinks.

LOL, the director’s shirt says “concentration”. As in, “focus on the stuff you’re doing”.

Hey wait, how does anyone pull off a kabedon on an operation curtain?!

Uh…maybe it’s just my inexperience with the genre, but…what the heck was that scene with the feathers?

Dangit, Yaoi Hands. If I weren’t so aware of you already, you wouldn’t be breaking the immersion of this show!!!

Random Dance Ending? I so did not expect that, I’m laughing as a result.

Uhh…I cannot believe I did that. I watched an episode of a yaoi anime and coveredit without it ruining my pride! To think I watched 18+ shoujo ai before 18+ shonen ai is really something I cannot get my head around, though…not that I will ever tell you which shoujo ai show I watched. So…uh, it was actually pretty decent aside from the “I don’t get what the heck this scene is meant to be” bits which are probably staples of the genre.

...

..

.

Radiant 1

Uhh…why do I feel like I’m watching Deltora Quest for the 3rd time? Not that Deltora Quest is bad, it’s just too stereotypically high fantasy.

Mahoutsukai. Literally “mage”, but could be “wizard” or “sorcerer” if you went with it loosely. Then again, the French word for sorcerer must be pretty close to the English one which should be enough of a guide for translators, right?

Eh? It’s an…elephant –cow? What is this, Avatar  the Last Airbender? (half-snarking)

I think as the show goes along, its comedic timing is actually getting…better. That’s something, huh?

The show’s just a tiny bit too heavy-handed with its themes of racism or whatever sorcerers stand for. Then again, this is a shonen show. It’s allowed to be this way.

Geez, stylised English really is the order of the day for anime these days, huh? Lessee here…Alma’s…uh, Observatory, I think it says…?

Uh…all this talk about grimoires is giving me bad flashbacks…bad, screamy flashbacks involving a certain Asta…

I just noticed Alma gets referred to that way by Seth. Are these two not related, even though they share the same house (?) and hair colour?

Oh great. (sarcastic) Toilet humour. One of my worst enemies, aside from fanservice…

What’s up with the bat (?)? It knd of seems to be Alma’s…

Hey, I…think I know this kind of story too well. It’s going to eventually end, after a long run, with an adult Seth and that girl from one of the key visuals together…or something. Shonen are weird like that. They always end with a happily ever after and an adult protagonist, or the “the adventure just keeps happening!” sort of thing…y’know?

The plural of Nemesis is “Nemeses”, but it seems the book Seth read said “Nemesis’ Egg”. So the plural is the same as the singular in this case.

Huh? They chose to put both fancily-written French and then Japanese under it, as a homage to the French origins of this work? Huh, interesting.

Tommy’s saying “Gyaaaaah!” not “Yaaaaaaah!” - there’s a difference between those two, y’know?

SSSS.Gridman 1

As a self-professed fan of heroes who never actually got into tokusatsu because I keep missing Power Rangers when it airs on local TV stations, this and Garo are filling in a genre space I never really had until I started wandering tokusatsu wikis...which was before the live-action Power Rangers came out, methinks.

Why do I feel like I’ve seen this font (the one “SSSS.Gridman” is written in)? I thought it was a Calvin Harris music video, since I have a few downloaded legally (due to a CD I found in one particular library), but Harris’s font is slightly different to this one…Well, after some experimentation, it seems to be Arial with extra kerning.

“Amnesiac” is starting to become an anime trope in itself…

Seven-Two-One, LOL.

Ahh, children in puberty. Can’t tell whether relationships are romantic or just platonic. (wistful)

If Utsumi isn’t the goth dude from earlier, I’m eating my hat! (Not that I’m wearing one right-oh, I’ve used this joke before, haven’t I?)

…dangit, now I have to eat my metaphorical hat. By the by, I thought Utsumi was an Ume sort of character (as in, the type who would usually get voiced by Yuichiro Umehara), but no, it was Soma Saito.

The girl with the purple hair reminds me of the Administrator (or whatever her name is, the AI) from Yakusoku no Nanayamatsuri.

Regardless of whether the scene was with volume or not, that awkward pause between Shinjo, Utsumi and Hibiki went just a weeny bit too long…

When Takarada approached Utsumi and Hibiki, the colours of her earphones and eyes really popped!

They seem to treat memory loss as something minor, like a cold. It’s a bit awkward, I think.

Utsumi, kid. If you think computers from the 70s and 80s are huge, you should see server rooms! Those computers are huge! Not to mention, the first computers filled up entire rooms (just like servers do). Even portable server units are about a good 160 cm tall with wheels…oh, you don’t want to hear me prattle on about this? Okay, moving on.

“This really is a pile of junk, huh?” I had to go back and check someone hadn’t skipped a word – they did skip the word, in fact.

T-This is what Trigger have held out on us for? A monster like this looks terrible in CGI, man. Even if it is one of the better efforts. I mean, the eyes don’t even look in the same direction…

Why does Utsumi refer to the computer as “Junk”?

The Ultra series? Y’mean Ultraman?

Let’s just say…Gridman looks much better than the kaiju here.

They didn’t even dispose of the kaiju head properly, LOL.

I feel like the battle didn’t quite get my blood boiling. (Probably because I was grumbling too hard at the kaiju and the parts where the execution got a little too silly.) I’ll put it on hold and see if it gets better in a few episodes, but I’m not holding my breath. Since this is Trigger, it could pull off some great stuff if it tried…it’s just this seemed a little soulless in comparison to everything else I’ve seen them do. Or maybe my increased consumption of anime this year has left me jaded...

[texan-smithie]

Why I Chose Smith

When I started my college search, I wrote a list of things I wanted in a college.

 1.) Small liberal arts college with small classes. I ended up applying to some bigger schools as well, but none over 10,000 people. 

2.) Diversity. Not just in terms of racial diversity (also super important), but economic diversity too. A lot of northeastern colleges fell off my list because I didn’t feel comfortable on campus due to an “elitist” vibe. 

3.) Flexible Academics. I didn’t want to be stuck taking an “Intro to Bio” class unless I wanted to take it. 

4.) Suburban/rural location. Big cities make me feel claustrophobic (unpopular opinion, I know). Growing up in rural Texas, I like being able to see the sky. I love spending time in cities, so access to one was a plus, but I didn’t want to be in one all the time. 

5.) Financial Aid. For me, it wasn’t just about my desire for a good financial aid package (although that was super important), but also my classmates ability to afford their education. I only applied to schools that met 100% financial need. 

6.) Community. This ties into the small, liberal arts college point, but I wanted a college that was close-knit, accepting community since I had been in a magnet program/family with the same 50 people for 12 years. 

7.) Intellectual curiosity. I wanted to have a really intellectual community, something I felt high school kind of lacked. My ideal college is one where people discuss politics, books, and philosophy outside of class. Additionally, I wanted a place where people were studying what they love just because they love it.

 I ended up applying to 18 schools because nobody from my high school had ever applied to small liberal arts colleges, especially ones outside of Texas, and I really didn’t know what results to expect (most of them had free apps or sent me fee waivers). In the weirdest turn of events… I got into all of them. I felt super overwhelmed at that point, since I had figured my options would be weeded down by Admissions. I visited a few but couldn’t manage to visit all due to time/money. The colleges I seriously considered: Haverford College, Rice University, Swarthmore College, Kenyon College, Scripps College, Emory University, University of Texas at Austin (Plan 2 & Liberal Arts Honors), and Smith College.

 Obviously, I chose Smith. Why? Smith had everything on my list (awesome community with their house-not-dorms system, an open curriculum, Northampton-the best small, college town, great financial aid, etc), but what made it stand out was the small, close-knit feeling of the community. I did an overnight at Open Campus and had the most enthusiastic hosts. As soon as they knew I was from Texas, they set out on a witch-hunt to find another Smithie in their house from Texas… (She turned out to be from El Paso, which is a 13-hour drive from where I live, but it was the thought that counted). Academically, Smith had all the majors I could ever want (including Engineering) and access to so many awesome resources. Smith, for me, was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone (as a private college, as a historically (but not all) women’s college, as it is in the Northeast, etc…). However, at Smith, with the strong community, and sense of empowerment, I felt like I would be likely to take a computer science class (which is very uncharacteristic for me), and do other things that continue to push me out of my comfort zone, academically and personally, while still having the support from the warm community.

Smith also had the most down-to-earth vibe of any college I visited. The students were extremely intelligent and hard working, but they didn’t take themselves too seriously. They seemed like the kind of people who have spontaneous dance parties just ‘cause.

 Another thing that really made Smith stand out was the love from the students and alumnae. Of course, they acknowledge that Smith isn’t perfect, but all the encounters I had showed a passion for their institution unlike any other college’s. (for example: first, my english teacher, a Smithie, literally danced for joy when she found out I got in & was going. Second, after I had committed, and my mom did the obligatory post on Facebook, a bunch of current students and alumnae in our area contacted us to give us helpful tips & congratulations. Third, at Open Campus, the amount of students who approached me during classes or just walking around to make sure I knew where I was going or just to say hi was very welcoming!). I couldn’t help but to feel that, if I went to Smith, I would be joining this life-long network of incredible people.

After Smith’s Open Campus, my mom and I hopped back into our cramped rental car to continue our road trip to the Philadelphia colleges. We sat in silence, both thinking the same thing, until my mom voiced it, “I think we’re going to Smith.”

[hils79]

Happy Birthday, Buffy

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is 20 years old today!

There’s been a thousand posts about this already but twenty years later I still have a lot of Buffy feels so I wanted to lay them out. Don’t expect anything intelligent or coherent here. I just need to flail.

To set the scene: Twenty years ago I was 17 years old (yes, I have just outed myself as An Old) and studying for my A-Levels in a small town in northern England. 

Living in a small town, especially one where there was little or no entertainment to be found (there were a lot of pubs and the cinema got turned into a church 2 years after we moved there) our fun was mostly found through bands (on the radio because there were no gigs in my town) and movies/TV shows.

My friend and I watched a movie called Buffy the Vampire Slayer which we loved because it was cheesy but funny and we fancied ourselves goths which meant we watched anything with vampires in. LOL. Oh, the 90s...

Anyway, a year or so after we watched the Buffy movie we heard there was a TV show about to start so we were all over that. We would get together regularly to watch it 

And that went on until we went to uni.

And this is why the show hit me and stuck with me when I drifted away from a lot of other sci-fi fantasy shows that were around at the same time (X-Files, Roswell etc). Buffy was a show about a teenage girl. I was a teenage girl. It may have been about fighting demons and vampires but it was also about life for teenage kids in the 90s. The problems Buffy faced, I faced too. When she went to college, I went to uni. When she was struggling to find a job and earn money I was working my first full-time low-wage job. Somehow it just made things a little better. If Buffy could deal with what life threw at her then so could I.

Personal stuff aside Buffy was also my introduction to online fandom. I’ve always been a fannish person, it’s just before Buffy it was contained to sticking posters on my wall and writing self-insert fanfic with my one geeky friend. We didn’t even know it was fanfic at the time. They were just stories we wrote to amuse ourselves during our classes. 

I still remember, clear as day, when I was at uni I decided to join a couple of Buffy mailing lists (Yahoo Groups as they are now, ONEList as they were back in the day). I did a little intro post and someone asked me if I wrote fanfic.

“What’s fanfic?” Innocent newbie me replied. Next thing I know I’m on fanfiction.net (this was before The Great Purge when all the good stuff was still there) and it was like the Heavens had opened and warm fannish light was shining down upon me. 

There were people, like me, who wrote stories about their favourite characters! This was something I could do and share with other people. I think it took me less than a month to get my first fic posted and after that I couldn’t stop. I haven’t stopped. I posted fic on ff.net, then Livejournal and now AO3. Back then I didn’t have my own computer or regular access to the internet so all my fics were written by hand and then typed up when I could.

Posting fic was a joy in itself, but I made friends in the fandom. People who liked the same characters and ships that I did. We laughed, we shared fic, episode recaps, weird RP where we all had our own clone!Spike and they all had different names and personalities. It was weird and it was fun and I’m not sure I’ve ever been that happy.

Eventually our fandom group decided we should all meet up, which resulted in me flying to the US by myself to meet a bunch of people I had never met in person before so we could all attend a Buffy con. I was 24 years old when I made the trip and not scared in the slightest. To me I wasn’t flying thousands of miles to meet strangers, I was flying thousands of miles so meet my best friends. 

So much of my time in the Buffy fandom shaped who I am today. I got my current job because of my skills as a writer, which I never would have developed were it not for writing dozens upon dozens of Buffy fics. I taught myself HTML so I could code my own Buffy website. It was terrible and a lovely person in the fandom helped me make it better but the basic skills were there. My first Buffy con gave me such a sense of belonging that I made regular trips to the US after that to attend cons and hang out with fandom people.

I don’t use the term ‘life-changing’ lightly but for me Buffy really was. And the thing is it’s still great. I rewatched it all recently and the only real difference is that I like Riley more and Xander less than I did the first time around. Seriously, Riley is the voice of reason for so much of his time on the show. Why did I hate him?

Wow, this has ended up being way longer than I intended. Thanks for sticking with me. 

[thousandmaths]

how to write a talk: a case study

I found out that I would be giving this Thursday’s combinatorics seminar talk on the Friday before... so I had very limited time, and I decided to try something different. That process left me with a lot of scrap writing, so I decided to use it to sketch my entire process from “know the results and only idle thoughts on the presentation” to a finished product. This is in part for other people who might be interested in the talk-writing process, and in part so that I can reflect on how to do better.

Parameters of the talk:

We have the room reserved for 80 minutes. 

But the talk doesn’t start until 4:40pm so it’s considered polite to finish in the usual 50 minute timeslot that an ordinary class would take. That leaves tons of wriggle room, so usually a talk can take the full 50 minutes and a bit more, with questions going for as long as seems productive.

Most of the audience are combinatorialists, but almost none of them are graph theorists (myself included, frankly). 

There are usually 1-2 undergrads, half a dozen grads, a few postdocs and occasionally a professor.

The basic structure of this post: after the introduction, there are three main parts. The first is fairly technical, where I give brief summaries of the talk in increasing length, commenting in-between on how I might expand for the next one. The second is much less so, since I am now at the stage where I’m preparing orally, and the notes are just records of key points of improvement.  The third section is similar, but focuses specifically on the spit-and-polish stuff carried out <36 hours before giving the talk.

------

The talk in one sentence:

We determined the expected matching polynomial for random lifts of cycle graphs (also go check out GRWC).

Words to define:

matching polynomial

graph lifting

“expected” in this context

The talk in one paragraph:

The matching polynomial of a graph $G$ is $\displaystyle \sum_{k\geq 0} (-1)^k \mu(G,k) x^{n-2k}$ where $\mu(G,k)$ is the number of matchings with $k$ edges. Instead of trying to compute matching polynomials, we can do something harder: for a graph $G$ we say that a graph homomorphism is $H\to G$ is a $d$-sheeted covering graph if the preimage of every vertex in $G$ is $d$ vertices in $H$, and if it is a local isomorphism. We were interested in computing the “average” matching polynomials for $d$-sheeted covering graphs, and we succeeded in doing this when $G$ is a cycle.

(also go check out the Graduate Research Workshop in Combinatorics)

Places to expand:

classical matching polynomials of the cycle and path

a bit of background on covering graphs

a little less terse definition of a covering graph

still pretty ambiguous what “average” means

explaining the formula for $\mathcal M_d(C_n; x)$

The talk in one page:

Recall that for any (loopless) graph $G$, a matching is a collection of edges where no two edges share an endpoint. We denote by $\mu(G,k)$ the number of matchings with $k$ edges, and we define the matching polynomial to be a variant on the generating function:

$$\mathcal M(G; x) = \sum_{k\geq 0} (-1)^k \mu(G,k) x^{n-2k}.$$ In general, matching polynomials are fairly difficult to get our hands on: the function problem of computing $\mathcal M(G; x)$ is #P complete. However, for some of our favorite graphs, we get some of our favorite polynomials; in particular we recover the Chebyshev polynomials of both kinds via $\mathcal M(C_n; 2x) = 2T_n(x)$ and $\mathcal M(P_n; 2x) = U_n(x)$.

Because of some concerns in spectral graph theory, matching polynomials were generalized by Hall, Pruder and Sawin in 2015 to $d$-matching polynomials, which have a fairly straightforward-looking definition: 

$$\mathcal M_d(G;x) = \Bbb E_\lambda \mathcal M(G^\lambda; x).$$

where $G^\lambda$ ranges over all $d$-sheeted covering graphs of $G$. These are essentially covering spaces in the topological sense that also respect the combinatorial structure. Formally, we say that a surjective graph homomorphism is $H\to G$ is a covering graph if it is a local isomorphism (that is, $f:N(f(v)) \to N(v)$ is a bijection for all $v$).

[ Technically, we cannot average over the (proper) class of all covering graphs; so we should instead average only over those on a fixed vertex set— we do not consider these graphs up to isomorphism. ]

I worked on questions related to $d$-matching polynomials with Garner Cochran, Corbin Groothuis, Andrew Herring, Jamie Radcliffe, and Ranjan Rohatgi during the summer last year at the Graduate Research Workshop in Combinatorics. We were able to explicitly compute the $d$-matching polynomial of cycle graphs in terms of Chebyshev polynomials:

$$ \mathcal M_d(C_n; x) = \frac{\mathcal M(P_{nd+n-1}; x)}{\mathcal M(P_{n-1};x)} $$

Rough draft of outline:

Introduction

Graphs and matchings

GRWC advertisement

Matching Polynomials

Definition and examples

Classical orthogonal polynomials

Graph Lifting

Definition

A model for graph lifts ($S_n$)

Generalizing to other groups?

$d$-Matching Polynomials

Definition

Background: Ramanujan graphs

“Warm-up problem”

Main result

Statement of result

Chebyshev aerobics

Statement of key lemma

Proof of key lemma

Things to learn:

Can you get Legendre polynomials? Well? Can you?

What’s up with the other groups?

What’s up with Ramanujan graphs?

------

Outline and notes after 3 preliminary runs:

(75-80 minutes on third run. Intro/1 should be shortened.)

Pre-written Text + Introduction

GRWC advertisement 

Define matchings and $\mu(G,k)$

Define matching polynomials

Matching Polynomials

Examples $C_6$ [pic], $C_n$, and $P_n$

Where are we going?

Covering graphs

Covering maps: Definition & Example [pic]

$d$-labelings; state space of covers [extend pic]

$d$-matching polynomials: Definition (& Motivation?)

Topological proposition & remarks

Results

“Warm-up problem” [pre-drawn pic]

Statement of result

Chebyshev aerobics and key lemma [pic]

Proof of key lemma [extend pic]

Comment on non-combinatorial aspects

Consider proving $A\cdot B = A\coprod B$. Do not mention isomorphism classes as an alternative state space. Do not do an example in Covering/3. Use the $\sigma$ in the old writeup for Results/4.

Regarding Covering/3/Motivation: I think it will be fine just to mention that this stuff gets used in spectral graph theory. You do need to know some of those details, though, since it should come up in questions if you do it right.

Intermediate stages:

Time spent 

Saturday: 9 hours. (Everything up to this point)

Monday: 2 hours. (Second timed run; talk is <65 minutes; a long interruption made it impossible to determine more precisely)

Tuesday: 3 hours. (Could not give full talk today; rooms were busy! Very nervous about the whole thing.)

We can completely remove the covering maps section. This could eliminate the pre-writing.

I’ve learned enough about the other groups to answer reasonable questions from Theo. It turns out that the finite complex reflection groups do indeed have a special role in the HPS proof. Also, I’ve learned enough about Ramanujan-ness to make a passing comment about them somewhere. I still have no idea if it’s possible to make the Legendre polynomials.

Also, any Cayley graph and any generalized Petersen graph can be written as graph covers! Wow! (Maybe do the ordinary Petersen graph as an example? Not the primary example though; you want a cycle with several edges.) Suddenly very excited about algebraic graph theory ;)

OH SHIT YOU FORGOT: You need to know how the “acyclic” polynomials came up in stat mech and then like chemistry or w/e.

Title and abstract:

Covers of Cycles and their Matchings

The matching polynomial is a variant on the generating function for matchings on a graph. Following new developments in spectral graph theory, these were generalized to “d-matching polynomials” in 2016 by Hall, Puder, and Sawin. In this talk, we will describe how to compute these polynomials for cycle graphs, stopping occasionally to observe the broader world of algebraic graph theory.

(submitted on Tuesday afternoon)

[ The title is kind of boring, but I couldn’t come up with anything better that was at all descriptive. ]

------

Final Push:

Time spent

Wednesday: 7 hours. (Ended on a high note!)

Thursday: 0.5 hour.

I wrote a mathoverflow question and Godsil himself said he doesn’t know of any answer to the realizability of Legendre polynomials. So I’m not going to sweat it.

I gave a full presentation (for the first time since Saturday, yikes!) and discovered that my Intro/1 was terribad. Polished that up. Also smoothed over some other joints, including the reveal in Covering/3. Could be happier with my concluding sentence, but it’s serviceable.

Finalized timings on Wed. night (44–60 minutes):

Pre-drawing & pre-writing: 5 minutes

Intro/1 – Covering/2: 20 minutes

Covering/3 + comments: 10 minutes (can be shortened to 4 or 7 min)

Covering/4 – Results/2: 15 minutes

Results/3 – Results/5: 15 minutes (can be shortened to 5 min)

Replicated twice with error ±1 minute.

This gives three natural points in the presentation to take a breather: evaluate speaking speed and facetime with audience. Ask for questions if you need a longer pause.

Woke up late on Thursday and ate a big breakfast. Taught my classes and then spent a half-hour doing a run-through of the talk “sans writing”: just stood in front of a blank board, recited the words, and tried to focus on eye contact.

Final Outline:

Each number represents approximately one blackboard. The breather points are denoted by **.

Preliminaries

Introduction; GRWC advertisement [pre-written]

Define matchings, $\mu(G,m)$, matching polynomials

Examples: $C_6$ [pic], $C_n$, and $P_n$

Main Definition

$d$-labelings; definition & example [pic] **

Remarks on covering graphs

$d$-matching polynomials: definition & motivation **

Results

Topological proposition; remarks

“Warm-up problem” [pre-drawn pic]

Two theorems for cycles **

A proof in three lemmas

Main bijection [pic]; combinatorialization progress

The Talk Itself:

In the end, I went through the longest version of the talk that I practiced, and it still finished in about 47 minutes O.O [ Maybe I missed a few remarks from Main/3/Motivation, and I definitely was less verbose in Results/1 than in practice. ]

We had a smaller crowd than usual. One of the postdocs (who I’ve talked with, and who I respect a lot) made quite a few comments during the talk and asked many pointed questions afterward. This was the first time that I’ve ever given a talk where I felt challenged by an audience member. I think I kept composed, but it did shake me quite a bit, especially since the smaller turnout was already was working at my anxiety that maybe the material wasn’t so interesting. But I was thinking about it afterwards, and it occurred to me that if he really thought it was trivial and boring, he probably wouldn’t have been so vocal.

Still felt like I botched the conclusion. But the Q&A went very long and maybe served as a de facto conclusion— I hope the audience interpreted it that way, since it was a much better ending, frankly :P

Concept to Q&A: 22 working hours.

Afterwards I went shopping, bought a bottle of rum, drank with my roommate and played Starcraft late into the night. Good day, all things considered :)

[bravelittlelibrarian]

"Twas the First Days of School" ~ Reflections of a School Librarian

In honor of the first few days of the 2017-2018 school year, here are some musings I wrote about my first two weeks as an elementary school librarian in 2014.

The first 13 days of school are over… the first 13 days of my career have been conquered and oh wow were those 13 days full of excitement, nerves, drama, fears, laughs, firsts, and most of all fun, joy, and satisfaction.

Here it is, I am what I set out to be, a school librarian. So far, it is everything I had hoped, and I am thoroughly enjoying it. So let’s have the breakdown of the first few weeks on the job…

I haven’t posted in a long time, and part of that is because the two weeks before school began were filled with professional development and setting up my library. Earlier this summer I posted “A good library is at the heart of the school. ~ Alan Gibbons” which discussed the optimal school library set up. I had a good idea of what I needed and wanted in my library, but when it actually came down to trying to do what I wanted, it was harder than I had anticipated. Though my library was spacious, I had trouble trying to include all of my library “spaces.” My library has a lot of tables… Six large rectangular tables and five small round tables. Also, some of the shelves that I wanted to put along the walls in the back corner had shelves on both sides and so could not be placed along the walls. Hence, a lot of floor space was already taken up by furniture, so there weren't many options for creating individual activity spaces.  I ended up moving the free-standing shelves in the fiction section off of an angle which created more room and allowed me to make the storytime and every one reader section larger and really give the whole library a larger appearance. Additionally, I arranged the tables, so the larger tables were close to the SmartBoard and presentation area and the smaller tables more towards the front. If you can tell from the pictures, I was able to create a few library spaces including the circulation area, storytime area, small group and large group instruction areas, a presentation area, computer area, and a quiet reading and listening area.

The approach I attempted to take for decor and signage was a ReggioEmilia environment. I want the environment to feel natural and organic, and I tried to use more natural colors and materials. There is not a great deal of natural light in the library, and so I wanted to bring the outdoors into the library, that was the inspiration for the storytime area.

There is still plenty I want to do to the environment, such as adding lamps to allow different lighting and some real plants for the tops of shelves. I also want to get a rocking chair for story time. Overall, I am happy with the way it turned out.

For the first week and a half of school, the library was not open to students. During this time I attempted to organize my office and the teacher resource room, process new books, put library binding on new books, plan a library orientation schedule for classes, sort out a library schedule for the rest of the year, plan activities for the upcoming Scholastic Book Fair, secure volunteers for the book fair, and learn the financial aspect of the position. Whoa. Well, I did not get my office or the teacher resource room fully organized, and I did not get library binding on all the new books. However, the other tasks were mostly accomplished.

Let me give you a breakdown of what my principal, vice principal, and I came up with for the library schedule. So those in the school library profession know the importance of a flexible schedule, and I have discussed this before on the blog, so a flexible schedule is ultimately what I was trying to accomplish. A flexible library schedule works best, however, when there is more than one person in the library, such as a librarian and a library aid. Since I do not have an aid, we compromised for a mixed schedule that I hope will work. I will have set 20 minutes class checkout times from 8:50 am to 1:40 pm each Monday and Friday. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday will be open flex hours which can be used for collaboration or open checkout. Additionally, each morning from 7:40 am to 8:05 am and each afternoon from 1:40 pm to 2:20 pm will be open checkout.

Last week was the first week I had the kiddos in the library, and it was very thrilling! I had each class from PreK to 5th for 30 minutes for an intro library orientation lesson. Each grade had slightly different activities, but each grade made their very own library cards. The library cards were decorated with crayons, colored pencils, stickers, and even some duct tape and topped off with each students’ individual barcode. The kids LOVED this activity, and it was great to see how creative they are. Our library schedule is a bit different right now until after the Scholastic Book Fair which is coming up, so Friday was the first day of open checkout. Let me just preface this… I never realized how vital a library aid was until that day! Books were checked out continually from the time school started till it closed. I only had visitors from 3rd, 4th, and 5th and I still circulated 429 books that day… though I am new at this, I feel as though that is pretty dang awesome!

So that concludes all the positive experiences of the first 13 days… but there were also some issues that came up, i.e. book fair drama! When I entered this position, I was informed by my predecessor that the Scholastic Book Fair was already in place and set to go for September 5-12. Scholastic also contacted me, and we went through many steps to get the book fair ball rolling. On Wednesday, August 27th, I received an email from accounting which stated that the book fair could not take place on those dates since the school board had not received the request for fundraising before the August board meeting and would therefore not be reviewed and approved until September 8. Of course, this was a shock and a huge road block… I had already told the faculty and students the dates, already lined up volunteers, and had just printed 600 flyers with front and back English and Spanish information to send to parents. Anyway, luckily Scholastic allowed the dates to be pushed back a week, and the volunteers all agreed to the later dates. I also learned a valuable lesson about making sure all my bases are covered and not assuming things are taken care of without checking into them myself.

So I handled my first crisis and also handled my first week of students… I feel more confident each day but also each day realize more and more what I want and need to do in my library. This year will be a learning process, but I know I am already making an impact. I have implemented unlimited book checkout with the kiddos and got rid of fines… the kids have expressed their joy at more access to books and I hope that these best practices policies will reap many benefits, there are some concerns with no fines and unlimited checkouts, but I am thinking positive.

[mbaljeetsingh]

10 Tips On How To Learn To Code Without A Bootcamp

Seattle 2017. I had just attended my first team meeting at my first job as a software developer. A proud day for me!

Three years ago I learned how to code without a computer science degree or by attending a bootcamp.

Ever since then, I've been working as a full-time, employed developer. But learning to code on my own wasn't easy—I struggled, and almost gave up at one point.

If you're reading this, you might have the goal that I did—to be self-taught and avoid attending a pricey bootcamp or returning to college to get a computer science degree.

Here is what I did to go from newbie to a software engineer.

Create A Plan And Stick To It

When you are learning to code, a common mistake is having no plan.

You take a few coding tutorials here and there, build an app or two, and read a few articles on coding. But then months go by and you aren't sure where to go next. You feel lost.

What can you do?

Create a plan—a detailed roadmap for how exactly you'll learn to code.

To create your plan, start asking yourself these questions.

What language will you learn? What kind of coding are you interested in? Are you most interested in creating games, building apps, or websites? What area are you going to focus on?

What is your main goal? What is the reason why you want to code and what are you going to do once you have the skill? Is your goal to become a developer? Or build something?

What learning resources will you use?  There are many amazing (and completely free) resources to choose from when learning how to code, it can be overwhelming. Whether it's the freeCodeCamp curriculum or another, pick a program and set goals to complete it.

How many hours per week will you learn, and when? When you're in college or school, you usually know how many hours you'll be either in class or studying, and you stick with that schedule. Create a schedule for yourself that works best for you so you can stay on track.

Before I created a roadmap for myself, I felt confused as I was teaching myself how to code.

I didn't know what to learn or what to do next.  Once I had my built roadmap, it was easy to move forward in my journey— I knew the next step to take.

Chase Your Curiosity

Having your roadmap is key, but make sure to follow your curiosity.

To learn to code, find one thing about programming that’s fascinating to you. Find the thing that makes you curious enough to learn about it on a Saturday night - because you’ll need to do that at times.

Find something about coding that you are what one of my favorite writers, T.K Coleman, would call irresponsibly curious about. You know when you’re up late binging a good show, or you’re so curious about what happens next in a book that it’s 2am and you’re trying to keep your eyes open because you can't wait to see what happens next?

Discover the area of programming  that makes you curious enough to keep pursuing it. Time flies by as you follow your curiosity, and the amount you learn will skyrocket. Like reading a great book or the best wh0-done-it movie you’ve seen in a while, you’ve got to get to the end.

Figure out what you're curious about and chase after it.

Hold yourself accountable.

When attending a coding bootcamp, if you don’t complete assignments, you risk getting kicked out and wasting the money you paid to enroll.

In school or college, if you don’t complete your homework you risk failing a class.

At work, you risk getting fired if you don’t show up.

But risks do you face when you don’t complete a free coding course?

Nothing. You’ve got no leverage on yourself. No one to hold you accountable.

So find ways to hold yourself accountable.

Here are some ideas:

Start a blog and announce (or on social media) that you’ll blog weekly on the progress of your goal.

Use positive or negative reinforcement, depending on what works for you. Tell a friend that you will pay them X amount of money if you don’t present them with evidence of a completed project. Or, every time you make progress with your coding goals give yourself a reward.

Hold yourself accountable. Give yourself no choice but to learn to code. Get leverage on yourself or decide on a big reward.

Learn In Public

When I was first learning how to code, I read books and articles about how going on social media would hurt your productivity. I subsequently decided to delete my Twitter, Instagram and Facebook accounts.

And while this did help me a bit (I could no longer scroll Twitter as a distraction from a hard coding problem), I eventually realized the benefits of using social media were far greater than the disadvantages.

Not only this, but when I got back on social media and started sharing my journey towards becoming a developer, I made friends, found mentors, got job opportunities, and sped up my learning.. I was also told I inspired some people by sharing my journey.

You can do the same. Get started now.

When I published blog posts or social media posts about what I was learning, I received encouragement and feedback from friends. This exchange created a great positive feedback loop for me; I wanted to learn more so I could share my accomplishments again.

There are other benefits to learning in public as well.

Here are some of my favorite articles on why learning in public helps accelerate your learning and maybe help you land a job.

Learn in public: The Fastest Way To Learn

Use Social Media To Break Into Tech

Switching Careers And Learning In Public With Tania Rascia

Don't be afraid to Google everything.

This is something I heard from Brian Holt when watching his excellent Intro To Web Development course on Frontend Masters. Many people believe they aren't good coders if they have to Google things. Contrary to this, as Brain points out, good programmers need to Google things all of the time.

Don't be afraid to Google things as you code. Googling to find an answer does not make you less of a programmer.

Build projects you know you can finish.

Starting a coding project as a beginner is daunting. The project seems so massive and you feel as if you might never complete it. You lose motivation starting a project you have no idea if you can finish.

The solution?

Build projects that stretch your skills,  but be realistic on whether or not you can finish the project. Try to build projects you're reasonably confident you can finish. Seeing the finished projects you've completed will help motivate you to continue your coding journey.

If you aren’t sure how to start a project yet. Let alone finish one,  read this article I wrote on moving from tutorials to coding projects.

Build impossible projects.

That said. A good friend of mine, who has worked for some of the biggest tech companies, once told me that he felt most of his growth as a developer came from building what he called ‘impossible’ projects.

He would have an idea for something that he wanted to build, and then he would set out to do it. And while it would seem impossible to build these ideas, he was so excited that he would try to find a way. Thus, lots of learning happens.

If you’ve been building and finishing projects, try picking a project you really dream of building even though it feels impossible to build.

With the power of your passion for this project, you may be able to build exactly what you want or at least learn an incredible amount in the process.

Find mentors and your community

One of the most inefficient ways to get a mentor to take you on is to message someone out of the blue and ask “Will you be my mentor?”The person you are messaging probably already has many requests to be a mentor. And why should they donate their time to you? Not only that but you are saying ‘will you be my mentor’ with no specifics and no real plan. Anyone that can actually help you isn’t going to say yes.

So how can you find a mentor?

There are great platforms such as CodeMentor or Coding Coach. There are also coaches within programs such as Udacity or Treehouse.

You can also find mentors by asking questions, discussing what you’re learning and interacting with others on forums and places like StackOverflow.

Having a community to surround you can also help keep you immensely during your journey of learning to code. Here are some of my favorite online coding communities:

freeCodeCamp, of course!

CodeNewbie.

Dev.to

Stackoverflow.

Reddit.

CodebookClub (hosted by myself and some awesome moderators!)

Don't take your errors personally.

I often witness new developers write code, get an error, and then say something like, “Ugh! Of course I got this error, I’m stupid”, or “I seem to get a lot of errors, I’m not sure if I’m cut out for programming.”

Yes, you wrote an error--we all do. An error in your code doesn’t mean you aren’t cut out to be a developer. I repeat: errors while coding don’t mean you aren’t going to be a great developer. They’re a natural part of the coding process.

Think of your favorite video game. When you failed a level several times, did you think, ‘Maybe I’m not meant to be a video game player’? Probably not! Fail many times, then master that level--them go to the next one.

Don’t take your errors personally. Learn from them, and move on.

Keep the streak going.

Joltin’ Joe DiMaggio and the most famous streak in sports history

When I was first learning to code, I took a break for a week. When I came back to coding, I felt like I was seeing the language again for the first time. And once I took a break from coding, it was that much harder to get back into it.

My mom suggested I start a streak of coding. Coding Every. Single. Day. There were many times when I felt tired or unmotivated to code, but I had to keep my streak going. So I would code--even for just five minutes. So even on the days when I really didn’t feel like it, I still took a small step towards my goal. That momentum kept me going--all the way to the finish line.

Keep the streak alive!

If you enjoyed this post, sign up for my email list where I occasionally give away free courses, and announce meetings for my free coding book club.

via freeCodeCamp.org https://ift.tt/3ar7Z1K

[amazingpaperart]

The Psychology Of Teens and Social Networking

The Psychology Of Teens and Social Networking

I have recently come across a plethora of articles as I was researching the issue of teens and the effects of over-connection. A recent statistic I read stated that teens spend 7 hours a day on cells and social networking. That is after-school hours. That is alarming. Literally the only leftover time is sleep! In this post I discuss three of them. Pace yourself, there is a lot to read. You don't have to read them all in one sitting, but read them you must, and maybe even read with your teen as you discuss your thoughts and ideas about how you both see social networking fitting in their lives. 

The first article talks about the power of lonely!! (see link below)A feeling few teens allow themselves to feel. To summarize, it talked about the benefits of spending time alone. "When we let our focus shift away from the people and things around us, we are better able to engage in what's called meta-cognition, or the process of thinking critically and reflexively about our own thoughts." I know I crave this time alone, letting my mind wander to places it might not normally go. Our lives now make it almost impossible for some people to shut off all the distractions of Iphones, and e-mail, and facebook, and oh, also the face time we give to our jobs, and our families. This leaves little time for rumination. I know some of my most creative and deep thinking comes in the car with the radio and cell phone off, or in long walks with my dog.

The article specifically addresses teenagers and this issue of aloneness. "Teenagers, especially have been shown to benefit from time spent apart from others, in part because it allows for a kind of introspection and freedom from self-consciousness that strengthens their sense of identity." The problem is that though being alone is good for the soul, most teens are afraid of it. They have become so attuned to the buzz of ipods, cellphones, computers and video games, that silence feels alien and to some terrifying. So much so that many teens have developed in inability to go to sleep without some "noise". Just being alone with their own thoughts is scary. I have talked a lot with my college students about this, and in some classes I take the first five minutes to do a short meditation. My students have said how hard that five minutes is for them, and that it feels like forever to just be quiet. This is not a good thing.

Some teens like being alone. Even as children they were happy to play by themselves, and often refused the offer of a playdate, just to be with themselves happily in their worlds of make-believe. Some teens are terrified of being alone, desperately looking for companionship and connection. So there is the nature part of this equation.

You obviously can't make your teen take the time to "smell the roses." But you can model it, and you can call attention to it. Here is your I get it moment: 'You know honey I was thinking about how plugged in we all are, and how little time we give ourselves to just be quiet. I read this article recently that talked about how important it is for everyone to allow themselves time to just process. I get how much you have to do, and how important it is for you to stay tuned in to it all, just wish you would take some time to just be." They will probably look at you and think, what the hell is she/he talking about? But that's ok. Sometimes as parents we are just planters. We drop some seeds of wisdom, and hope that somewhere along the way, some sprouts appear. http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2011/03/06/the_power_of_lonely/ In another really good article in The Guardian (see link below) on the curses of social networking and teens found this: "A survey conducted by the Royal Society of Public Health asked 1,500 young people to keep track of their moods while on the five most popular social media sites. Instagram and Snapchat came out worst, often inspiring feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and self-loathing. And according to another survey carried out by the youth charity Plan International UK, half of girls and two-fifths of boys have been the victims of online bullying". This is not good news!!! As a college professor for over 25 years, I have seen the changes that social networking can have on an entire generation. Since I teach Intro To Psych I have a unique opportunity to find out what goes on in the minds of my freshman students encouraging them, if they so choose, to talk about their experiences with anxiety and depression. I am still shocked by the number of my students that are on some kind of anti-anxiety or anti-depresssionates as compared to my pre-technology students from the 80's and 90's. They report the same kinds of worries discussed in these articles.  This article in The Atlantic is particularly  powerful in describing this influence. What can you do?? You can remember that you are the parent. The blog I wrote on Tuesday outlined some of the ways you can keep your teen emotionally and physically safe. There is no more important job of a parent. Will your teens be willing partners? Absolutely Not!! They will kick and scream and tell you they JUST HAVE TO DO THEIR HOMEWORK IN A GROUP CHAT!!!! And here's what I would say. "You know honey, I get doing homework is more fun and maybe even you get the help you need when you do you homework with your friends. But here is the deal, I also want you to develop skills in working things out for yourself. That is an important life skill to have!!! And I have total confidence that you can do just that. So we will have to come up with a compromise. Let's figure out how you can both have SOME time to work on homework with your friends, and SOME time when you do your reading and other work on your own. Let's figure out the time during the evening when you are on your own." Include them in the conversation, then using one of the parent controls have your teen's phone automatically shut off at the appointed time. This will not be easy, and I'm sorry about that...truly. But you are older, and smarter, and more experienced than your teen, and though their tantrums will be loud and uncomfortable, I have complete confidence in you that you can handle the noise!! https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/sep/06/social-media-good-evidence-platforms-insecurities-health?CMP=share_btn_link

from Joani's parenting tip of the day http://joanigeltman.blogspot.com/2017/09/the-psychology-of-teens-and-social.html via Blogger http://babylifepower.blogspot.com/2017/09/the-psychology-of-teens-and-social.html