#i wrote this about a fish
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POV you are a little black seadevil swimming to the surface of the ocean
Certain things are sacred.
Meant for some eyes
And not others.
A sea foam of cloud tops
Swirling against the blue underbelly of space
Meant only for the eyes of birds.
A cage of ribs settled
Silent on the seafloor; a boneyard in the dark abyss
Meant only for me
I should not be up here
In defiance
Of my morphology
But now that I am,
I rise
That I may catch a glimpse of sun-dappled sky
And the eye blazing above the surface
Needling at my flesh:
The teeth of retribution.
I rise and I know
as Icarus knew when he fell
There are some things we were not meant to see
But it is worth the price.
It is worth the undoing.
~M
#black seadevil#anglerfish#poetry#i wrote this about a fish#dont judge me#thank you @imgonnabeyourbubblegumwitch#angler fish#seadevil#fish#poems#Icarus#can you tell im currently reading Song of Achilles#fish February
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benthic angel
was writing about lake sturgeon for a class assignment and showed one of my friends what i'd written.. he then sent part of it back to me with line breaks to turn it into a poem! i just had to draw something for it :]
poem text under the readmore:
lake sturgeon don't know that they're endangered. They don't know anything - other than the muck at the bottom of the water column and the occasional passing touch of another.
really touched by how my friend turned my technical writing into poetry. i haven't tried to write creatively in months, so it's nice to see i've still got it- and nicer still that i could get so inspired by my friend, since i haven't made nature art in a little while, either :>!!
#art#digital art#ms paint#clip studio paint#(<- drew it in ms paint and then slapped on some effects + the text using csp)#animal#fish#sturgeon#lake sturgeon#fishblr#poem#poetry#i want to do this for another poem as well.. my crush wrote a poem about fireflies and i want to make art based on it so badly <3#hall of fame#1k#5k
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Theres something falling from the sky and its falling fast.
So, what does Jon do? He catches it. Only it is not an it that he caught but a she. And she is dripping green all over. And boy does the green sure looks like its blood with all the gashes it was oosing out of.
Jon panics and does the only thing he can think of.
"DAD!"
Superman appears beside him near insantly.
"Jon, what's-"
He stops mid question as he spots the girl in his arms.
"Let's get her somewhere safe."
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc crossover#dp dc crossover#writing prompt#fic prompt#story prompt#(spins in the air)#haha...:(#sad dani#Ellie about to die after saving a planet#It went boom#most made it#she has a cult now#or a dedicated group of fans#she save them!#they're worried#last the people that planet saw she was going to the core to fish people out#or make up your own reason#I wrote this at 1 am instead of sleeping#me sleep now#post later#it is later#dani phantom#superman#superboy#alzrite
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yoohankim connected by a red string of fate, but the red string is something han sooyoung wove herself, and the red string is the lifeline keeping kim dokja from drowning, and the red string is the outline of a person that yoo joonghyuk filled in. do you understand.
#orv#yoohankim#i keep thinking about them. i feel unwell#slightly less serious take on this is that their red string is the fishing line that hsy dangled yjh from to lure kdj into living#i just!! augh!!!!#i can't stop thinking about how intertwined they are#hsy was like you WILL be loved and you WILL stay alive#and she wrote yjh into existence for that purpose#like!!!!!!! how am i supposed to cope
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The whole “connecting the whole server with rivers” thing isn’t for nothing :3
Okay I just got like 3 asks about this so apparently I missed something DFBJDFGHKCGHN whose POV is this from? i know false is doing all of the river stuff, is she kinda leading the server plot/trying to do something sinister or is it more of a widespread thing? o.o genuinely curious
#ask#anon#also if anyone knows: how early on did this start? I remember back in the earliest days of season 10 in January#back when grian was fishing and gem was starting the sea base#Second (theminecraftbee) wrote something b/w doc and cleo where doc was freaking out about the water#and the ocean etc#and it was a very implied “what if something is Happening again’’ < a la season 8#it would be INSANE if that was just a wild prediction#but that writing piece never left my brain. i’m. fine#totally ready for another season where something is very wrong with the world and our admin (character not cc) does nothing about it#purposefully or otherwise. very cool I love it here someone please make this a better timeline than season 8 or I’ll cry /dramatic and silly
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You have been pinterest-ified
https://pin.it/5zJDk7m1t
Oh my god, not that one…
#ask ffs#the notes on that are a cesspit somehow#which I really couldn’t have known when I wrote it#but talk about a post I turned notifications off on#the vegans go absolute batshit on there and everyone uses it as an extended metaphor#and I literally just meant people should treat fish better but fuck the poor sure get pissed on here
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its been fun yall see you when splatoon 4
#dedf1sh#its been actually crazy to have been a f1sher since s2#our little fucked up gender and mental illness capsule to pass around ahato mizuta made for a fucking crazy little community#and s3 artists going back and making their own f1sh was such a good time#and acht in side order real has delivered an insurmountable amount of life to the tag#going from a tag that has something new maybe once a day to the absolute flood that side order caused was fucking incredible#but all hype dies out eventually#many fewer people have their own f1shes theyre shaking around for fun. many more arent really as into splatoon anymore#i dont think the ride is over but the dedf1sh tag has not been this barren in quite a long time and these droughts will likely get longer#and more frequent as time passes#some previously big f1shers have just moved to bsky or gone offline since the boom#if youre taking the time to read this and you love this character then make them your own and share something about it#im kind of a hypocrite in that regard but i guess you need to start sometime#over the past 6 years ive never written down my own headcannons#ive never drawn my own design#ive never put out anything i wrote#but ill make you a promise to start to try if you stick with me in our green mental illness octopus fanclub#the most beautiful part of this community has always been seeing the pieces of the souls of the people giving unique life to a character#who even now has limited lore and personality and motives#and watching the way their fish refracts their own#this is a unique fandom and i want to try to keep it alive while we wait for our next big wave of popularity#and maybe help some acht fans find out why ahato was such a beautiful moment in time to so many. and maybe help make another moment
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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Fish, 7 (For your prompts! ❤️)
Hi, anon!! Thank you for the prompt, you were the very first one to send one in! 7 was, again, the wildcard, so I randomly generated a different number to land on Yue Qingyuan (from Scum Villain)! I have no choice but to dedicate this to @bytedykes, because I told her about this prompt and she said “yqy pet fish mental health speedrun” and we went, uh, a little insane about it. Enjoy some yuefang, folks!!!!
“Mu-xiong,” Yue Qingyuan says. “I’m sorry to bother you. Are you available?”
“Yue-xiong is never a bother,” Mu Qingfang says warmly. “And I am, actually, yes. Is everything okay, Yue-xiong?”
“I think I need help.” A bit dramatic, perhaps, and Yue Qingyuan hates to trouble Mu Qingfang on a rare day off, but Yue Qingyuan and impulse have never been the best combination, and he would appreciate a second opinion.
Mu Qingfang’s voice turns hard. “Where are you? I'll come right away.”
“What—?” Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone like the blank call screen will tell him why Mu Qingfang suddenly sounds so serious. “I'm at home, but—”
“I'll be right there,” Mu Qingfang says, and hangs up.
Yue Qingyuan stares at his phone for another second, then lifts his gaze to his sparkling new aquarium. His new betta, white and black and resplendent of fin, stares back. Was his crisis of faith about his viability as a fish owner really so deserving of such urgency…?
—
“So,” Mu Qingfang says. “This was your emergency?” He looks about as unimpressed by the betta as it does by the two of them.
Yue Qingyuan feels obscurely like he’s being scolded. Mu Qingfang is one of the nicest men he knows, but that just means that his censure takes the form of a blunt instrument of mass disappointment.
“In my defense,” he points out meekly, “I didn’t say there was an emergency. Mu-xiong just assumed.”
“That’ll teach me,” Mu Qingfang huffs, but at least he looks amused. “Yue-xiong should get used to asking for help more so this gege doesn’t have to panic every time he does ask.”
Yue Qingyuan’s mouth almost drops open. He can only hope his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. “Er—well, I asked this time, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Mu Qingfang allows, looking something horribly close to fond. Yue Qingyuan swallows and tries to hurry on.
“So—not an emergency, but I do want your opinion,” he coughs out. “I’m having… doubts. About the fish.” Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows contract. Yue Qingyuan rushes it out. “Do you think I should keep it?”
“Yue-xiong…” Mu Qingfang looks politely incredulous. “Why does my opinion matter? The fish is already yours, isn’t it? If you don’t think maintaining its upkeep will be feasible, that’s one thing, but… Surely Yue-xiong did the research before getting it?”
He doesn’t sound judgemental, but Yue Qingyuan feels his cheeks warm. “I did, but I wasn’t planning on getting a fish; I was only admiring the tanks. There was a salesperson who was… very insistent.”
Mu Qingfang regards him doubtfully, which is fair. Yue Qingyuan towers over most people he meets, and his bulk only further adds to the impression of immovability. It’s only when he opens his mouth that it becomes clear how spineless he actually is.
Yue Qingyuan falters. “I had thought… I thought it might be nice.” The bettas had seemed so majestic in their tanks, iridescent monarchs of false grass and plastic coves, and Yue Qingyuan had thought, wildly, that one might be rewarding to keep, might breathe a touch of life into his immaculately sleek living room. The whole affair hadn’t even been expensive by his shiny new standards, forget difficult to physically arrange. It was only when installation and set-up for his new aquarium had finished and he was left to watch that jewel-bright being swim disaffectedly through its new home that doubt had seized him, all-consuming and black. He had, admittedly, panicked a little after that.
(Yue Qingyuan’s apartment is very large, and very clean, and very empty. It holds the barest amount of decoration and muss to qualify as lived-in rather than a snapshot from a magazine ad. The fish may, in fact, be the only thing in the entire place which really qualifies as his. No wonder Yue Qingyuan wanted to jettison it from his life as soon as he got it.)
Mu Qingfang’s expression hovers between concern and simple confusion. “I’m sure Yue-xiong will be a more than adequate caretaker,” he says, more gently than Yue Qingyuan and all his neuroses probably deserve. “What’s this really about, Yue-xiong?”
Ah. There it is. Being the mildest person of Yue Qingyuan’s admittedly sharp-tongued social circle doesn’t preclude Mu Qingfang’s wit from being as keen as the scalpels he works with.
“I don’t…” Yue Qingyuan falters. How to express to Mu Qingfang how manifestly unfit Yue Qingyuan is to care for any living creature at all? He changes tack. “I think he hates me,” he admits dolefully.
Mu Qingfang stares at him for a long time, long enough to imply that he’s reevaluating certain opinions about Yue Qingyuan’s intelligence. “Yue-xiong, with all due respect to your new pet—it’s a fish.”
“Fish have emotions!” Yue Qingyuan argues. He flushes at the volume at which it comes out, and at the way Mu Qingfang’s eyes go wide-eyed in startlement. But the salesperson had been very insistent about that, as well. “Bettas are intelligent animals. They dislike certain colors, apparently, and they’re very sensitive—ah, to environmental disruptions, that is. And—”
Mu Qingfang’s eyebrows are still high, but his face has relaxed into a smile. “It sounds to me like you like it quite a bit already. Isn’t that reason enough to keep it?” His tone curls with sudden mischief. “Have heart, Yue-xiong—you’ve hardly known each other for a day! Give it time to adjust to you, and I’m sure you’ll win it over as surely as you do everyone else.” And he grins, sure and easy in his trust that Yue Qingyuan won’t fumble and shatter something so small and monumental as a life that he could cup in his palms.
While Yue Qingyuan is still dazed by that, Mu Qingfang’s eyes alight with interest. “Ah, Yue-xiong—what have you named it?”
“...”
Mu Qingfang’s face falls as devastatingly as it had lit up. “Yue-xiong…”
“Mu-xiong is aware that I was unsure of whether or not I’d keep him!” Yue Qingyuan is terribly aware that his ears are now heating up to match his cheeks. Mu Qingfang’s ensuing laughter does not help with that matter.
Yue Qingyuan is not very good at holding onto things. More often than not, he makes a mess of whatever he’s set his clumsy hands to, lets it fall right through his scarred fingers. But Mu Qingfang’s words ring through his head: Isn’t that reason enough to keep it? And, well, isn’t it? Surely Yue Qingyuan is adult enough to follow through on this. Maybe happiness can be look like his new betta swimming up to the tank to observe the new colorful form moving in front of it, can come as easy as Mu Qingfang quipping that his knowledge about fish is clearly lacking and vowing casually to read up on bettas to be a better fish uncle.
Yue Qingyuan buries a smile and walks over to let Mu Qingfang know that bettas can be trained to follow fingers around. The betta’s clear preference for Mu Qingfang over Yue Qingyuan is as good a marker of intelligence as any fun fact the pet shop worker could have given him. Yes, Yue Qingyuan thinks with a smile—he thinks he’ll be keeping this after all.
#yqy in canon: i make impulsive decisions of a scale where they torpedo my entire life#me: got it. in a modern au he makes expensive impulse purchases and then returns them immediately after#bc he can't conceptualize doing things for himself and also has no idea how to spend all his money he doesn't know what to do with#(this is suchh a vague modern au lmao like mqf is obv still a doctor#but i didn't write yqy as his boss here and am not sure what he does in this world or why he's rich now#and i have no idea who the fucking pet shop salesperson was either. i think it's sqh though)#don't worry about it okay? just enjoy the yuefang and the fruits of my and nik's agenda to make all our fave sect leaders fish owners#i personally see mqf as older than yqy! in this au he thinks he could be really into yqy#but he respects that yqy doesn't seem to be looking for a relationship (and that he has some shit going on that he hasn't seen fit to share#with mqf yet)#so he's content to stick to some mild flirting while enjoying their friendship#meanwhile yqy is totally divorced from the concept of attraction (directed at or coming from him)#so he panics every time mqf flirts with him but has no fucking idea that that's actually what's happening on either end#they would be so good together :)) mqf is going to be such a good fish co-parent :)) this fish is going to get these two together okay :)))#the betta is a black dragon/orchid; i couldn't decide so it's up to you#writing this was kinda funny bc the fish could and probably should have been a metaphor for sj#but i wanted to write smth yqy-centric that didn't directly allude to him even once#and i succeeded!!!#the entire reason i wrote this as modern au was bc i thought of mqf calling yqy 'yue-xiong' and went insane btw#OKAY SHUTTING UP NOW. THANK YOU AGAIN ANON!!!!!#asks#anonymous#my writing#svsss#yue qingyuan#mu qingfang#yuefang#yqy tag#betta blues
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do you know the significance of the fish in the office at the start of the film? (and possibly why it crossfades into the moon?)
Hello!

This kind of fish is called a Celestial Eye, and its most notable feature is, of course, its huge eyes, which are perpetually looking upwards. Actually, this kind of fish is basically blind, and relies on smell to move around. It also lacks a dorsal fin ; because of the very features it was bred for, it's unable to compete with others fish in a larger tank. In short, it's a species bred by humans only to be kept by themselves in smaller tanks, for decorative purpose.
The name "celestial eye" comes from a story saying these fish were bred in small pots with a tapered end. The fish originally were looking sideways like others telescope fish do, but they gradually started looking upwards in search of light.
When you think about it this way, a helpless being kept prisoner in a tank by a rich human in a position of power foreshadows the condition of the Ghost Tribe kept in a well by the Ryuga pretty well, doesn't it?
They're kept like pets in the well, and when they look upwards they see some light in...

The moon!
The relation between the celestial eye and the Ghost tribe was mentioned by the staff during a talk show, so that I know for sure was their intent!
Now it's just my own thoughts and interpretation, but given how important symbols eyes, and sight, are in this movie, I can see more than just the Ghost Tribe in the celestial eye.
Despite their large eyeballs, they are unable to see, and they are kept prisoners in a weakened state by people in a position of power. To me that also fit humans such as Mizuki, unable to see the supernatural, wounded and kept prisoners by their hierarchy and, at large, the society they live in. Humans and Ghost Tribe folks aren't so different after all...
And finally, throughout the movie a lot of focus is put on Tokisada's large, shiny, round yellow eyes. He's someone who always wanted more and kept looking up, failing to ever look at the family in front of him, and at the common people beneath him. Despite his ambitions, he ends up at the bottom of the well at the end of the movie, where he can only continue to look up at the moon above.
In short: we're all the same! That's quite the foreshadow-y microcosm in the President's fishtank, haha.
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i get eaten by the worms
had an otherwordly experience today [yesterday night??] in a half asleep state at 4 am listening to radiohead and drawing. i scribbled this up while trying to stay awake and after getting some rest i spent the whole day turning a silly sketch made while sleep deprived into an actually rendered piece that i am very proud of
btw the oc in question is anchovy ^^!! she's some sort of sabertooth tiger-shark thing? i always end up drawing her snout much more seal like tbh! she wears a metallic fish helmet for no particular lore reason since she doesn't really have a backstory / a place within the world of my other characters.. i grew much less attached to her due to this very reason but i still draw her sometimes :] she is heavily inspired by in rainbows
the lyrics on the right are from these two songs!!: [commatose was my soty for 2024 it's such an incredible song]
#oc // anchovy#art#artists on tumblr#radiohead#furry#sfw furry#furry art#music#music art#my ocs#starlingfawn's art#2025#also i should mention that this isn't really negative vent art it's just something i doodled while reallly tired ^^"#actually i posted about weird fishes on my music sideblog while i was half asleep yesterday uhh i'l prob delete that later#but also so funny to read any of my drafts that i wrote past 1am [which i rarely post and often delete] in a well-rested#state so maybe i'll keep it as a relic of 4 am thoughts
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Ghouls HC
Okay, hear me out. I know, I know this theory is contradictory with a lot of fandom lore so just take it as a fun thought.
What if ghouls aren’t actually demons. What if a summoning gathers souls from animals or humans that recently died.
When an earthly creature dies right after a summoning starts the soul is collected to form a new ghoul. Every element needs a certain type of creature thus water ghouls need fish souls, air ghouls need bird souls, earth ghouls need any type mammal that lives on land, quints have human souls and fire ghouls need reptile souls (being the closest thing to a dragon). A soul needs to be strong to form a new ghouls so when no strong souls are available multiple weaker souls are merged together, that’s how multis are formed.
I like to think that the look of the ghouls is solely based on how humans thought they should look like. Given that the summoning is a magic invented by humans, they therefore (subconsciously) decided to give the ghouls a human/demon look.
#instead of needing only one soul to form a ghoul I was also thinking about them needing several souls for one ghoul#just has to do with the energy conversion because energy can't be created#and small animals have less energy than needed so you might need more than one#that's why summonings might take a while#oh you see that ghoul over there? they are like 70% turtle but there are are two fish and a hamster in the mix as well#yeah I don't know#I wrote my last exam two days ago my brain is fried#the band ghost#ghost bc#ghost band#ghoul headcanons#ghoul hcs#ghost ghouls#nameless ghouls#mika yells
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Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Gyrados#Ninetales#Sableye#Ampharos#Banette#Politoed#Pikachu#The lot! Mostly my SoulSilver guys but a kind of general mishmash of nostalgia and aiming-fors#Even tho I played Yellow when I was quite a bit younger I never beat it or got particularly attached to my 'mon and ended up selling it#Mistake I know blame the folly of youth lol#So I really consider Soul Silver as my ''first'' game - though I beat X before SS pfft just can't make it simple eh!#But I got veryyy attached to my SSteam <3 It's fun to watch them grow in the photo album! Can see most of them as babies :D#I ended up with a Vulpix named Beauty since Ninetales is my favourite Pokemon <3 I knew she'd grow into a beauty! Thusly named#And a Magikarp that I thought would be ironically funny to name Beast because well - y'know lol#Did not even occur to me Once that they'd be Beauty and Beast haha - the reasoning is so strongly connected it just didn't register!#They're a fun duo :) Fire and Water Fish and Fox hehe <3 Cute lads!#Group of four was speculations about building a really ideal team for me - Mareep Line Obviously and Ninetales goes without saying#Sableye is another really obvious one lol I love Sableye so muuuuchhhh aghhh <3 <3#Banette wouldn't exactly fill in many gaps but I've always leaned more towards Ghost and Psychic types#The Politoed doodles were just for funsies tho lol I really can't decide on a Water type I like that I haven't already exhausted!#They're silly little frog guys which I do enjoy haha#Probably not my personal pick but I like them :)#The aforementioned Yellow playthrough had me with a Pikachu I named Sparks which I then wrote fanfic about haha#Baby's first fanfic and fanart were both Pokemon! I have no idea where it'd be now as it was in a notebook but I remember the gist at least#Thought it'd be nice to bring him back to visit <3#And then some silly ones for myself lol what's a good trainer pose!#I think they're all silly lol but I do like the middle one :D#I'd love a Pokeball shirt like that! All the Pokemon things pls and thank you!
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Mulsajo
Character with the most confusing name in the series.
His name doesn't really translate to much other than something to do with water. DeepL translates it to waterfowl, at least, which would be interesting if it foreshadowed his death via Mulori, while Mulsajo's 'forget-me-not' was meant to convey that one should not ignore him or assume he is dead.
Surprisingly good with following orders, as well as at fighting. He even manages to hold his own against Scout Goseumdochi for a bit.
I think I find characters fishing in this series to be aesthetically pleasing in general.
I wish there was a funeral for him. He gave a funeral for Mulmangcho when he thought he was dead, so I hope there was a proper memorial period at least.
#squirrel and hedgehog#sah#SaH#mulsajo#I mean I wrote about him getting his revenge posthumously in fanfic#but it is not the same#small thing#I just wanted to post him fishing really
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Bad dark joke but I feel like cultural representations of crown prince rudolf and the extreme overemphasis/influence of 1888-1889 in discussions of him are kind of like the internet meme thing with blobfish. Like that's his sad corpse you're parading around and showing to people,,,,,
#kdpaofksöfkfldlfl#for context: the common 'ugly fish' bl*bfish memes are not cute because they're dead animals whose tissues have exploded painfully. they#normally live deep underwater in a high pressure environment and look like more normal fish. but the gruesome corpse version became a meme#and is everywhere#i feel like crown prince rudolf is like that too#WITH THE CAVEAT that obviously we shouldnt hush hush mayerling because doing so would obviously sweep a lot of bad stuff under the rug#but the thing is... most mayerling media isnt interested in justice for mary or new perspectives anyway. its the same shit conservative news#wrote about in literal 1889........#and theres this wider tendency to assume that 1888 rudolf is the only one there is and extrapolate his erratic and violent behaviour from#that period to other eras WITHOUT CREDIBLE EVIDENCE. like its just assumed that mentally ill ppl are always crazy and dangerous#and also this essentialist assumption that because he was so destructive in 1888/89 he never did anything good in his life before that
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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