#i would very much like a job i'd be willing to stick with for the rest of my life

[yzerman]

it’d be cool have a job i can functionally do, and do properly, but between my abrupt quits that involve me and the management shouting at each other, and the fun times i have between that job and the next one, idk how any retail expects anyone to stay tbh 

[petersasteria]

bye - G Dragon/Kwon Ji-yong

Pairing: Jiyong x fem!Reader Summary: he never chooses you, so you finally choose yourself.

"usually i'd join you on the floor, but this dance ain't for me. boy, just turn the music up. maybe someday we'll look back with love. didn't think you'd lose me. now it's just too late to choose me."

It's a rare occurrence to find the right person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Sometimes, even when you get married, you'll realize that the person you married isn't actually the one who's right for you.

When you and Jiyong met at school, you swore to yourself that he truly is the one for you. He was your whole world. He made you feel like you were the only girl on the planet and he really showered you with love.

You stuck together through thick and thin. Your relationship has been through a lot, but amidst all of it, you chose to stick with him simply because you love him.

God, you loved him so much that you were willing to do whatever he'd say or do.

If he'd ask you to cook his favorite food even after you're tired from work, you'd do it immediately.

If he'd ask you to go bar hopping with him and his friends even if you don't feel like it, you'd do it anyway.

You didn't know when or how it happened, but you grew tired of your relationship with Jiyong. You were very careful, though. You didn't want his fans to notice anything, so you'd always expertly hide your reactions when you're in front of a camera.

At this point, you've been married for about five years now and you were tired of being his partner in crime. He stopped trying a long time ago and it was obvious. He didn't want to give, but he'd always take a lot from you and now, you were done.

You've been thinking about leaving him for a long time now, but you'd always argue with yourself because you keep thinking about how he'd feel. You voiced your concerns with your best friend and all she said was: "You keep thinking about him and his feelings, but have you ever thought about yours?"

That's when you finally decided to choose yourself. When the divorce got finalized, Jiyong was devastated, but he understood. Though, he still wanted it to work out.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, you can stay here. I can still take care of you." Jiyong pleaded.

"Jiyong, the divorce was finalized already. Besides, this is good for us." You told him as you packed your things in boxes.

He stood by the doorframe, watching you pack. "How could you leave me? I feel betrayed. It's unfair for you to leave me behind." He said after a moment of silence.

You froze and glanced at him, "Unfair? You have no idea how long I've thought about this; how long I've thought about how you'd feel and react."

"Yeah, but you still did it knowing how it would affect me! That's so selfish, Y/N!" He raised his voice.

"Whoa, I wasn't the selfish one in this relationship." You said. "I followed everything you said, I did everything you wanted me to do, and I was there for you this whole time. But let's face it, Ji: it was never going to work out because you never did your part. You were never there when I needed you and I never got what I wanted and needed. You were more married to your job than you were married to me, Jiyong. I've accepted that now. It wasn't easy to decide to leave because while I very much want to stay with you, I'm no longer happy and I don't know who I am anymore because you liked to dictate everything."

He nodded and said, "I'm sorry, Y/N."

"I'm sorry too. I guess, after all this time, you needed someone to keep up with you and that's not me." You shrugged sadly. "I will always love you, Ji. I can never forget you. You're my first love and everything."

"But I can finally choose you this time." Jiyong said, trying to persuade you.

You shook your head, "It's too late for that. The least you could do is allow me to choose myself."

Soon, your best friend came over to get your things over to your new house. When your best friend got the last box, you looked at Jiyong and smiled. You walked towards him and gave him a tight hug.

"Thank you for everything. I'll always have love for you, but this is for the best." You said softly.

He hugged back tightly and nodded, "I will always love you, Y/N."

You pulled away and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "Take care of yourself, Ji."

"I'd say the same to you, but you've been doing that for a long time. So, I hope you'll find someone who'll take care of you just like how you took care of me." Jiyong said sincerely.

"Good bye, Ji."

"Good bye, Y/N."

And with that, you finally closed your chapter with Jiyong before nervously starting a new one.

-

permanent taglist: @redhoodedtoad @billiesiousji @hayd3n8 @sherrayyyyy @nbjch05 @ldydeath @wcnderlnds @infinetlyforgotten @emmiesoverthemoon @breakmeoff @sayugarper @gdinthehouseee

jiyong taglist: @loveesiren @aizshallnotbefound

eternal sunshine taglist: @sylviavf @amyyforshort @patheticgirl127 @multifanxtvshows @whotfiscamellia @sherxoo @sevendaysummer

[cats-artbag]

SwapOut/Webcomic/Twitch PSA!

Hi everyone 👋🏻 Zk here >< or Cats, for older followers

So I've been getting back into doing SwapOut again, but I would like to appeal to everyone who reads and loves the comic. Much love to all of you who's still sticking around 🙏🏻💙 But something has also always been bothering me throughout this journey.

As many of us know, we artists do these comics for free (especially fan comics), starting them out of love and taking a LOT of time and energy out of our lives to continue making them.

And it's amazing how many of you come from translations or comic dubs on Youtube, which are also very well-done and take a lot of effort to make, much love to them too. There is a difference, however.

Monetization.

And I'm not asking for pity! I'm appealing for understanding.

Because some comic dubbers on Youtube are able to earn ad revenue from the videos they upload. From the beginning, we artists have given them the permission to dub our works. But we don't receive anything from it, nor do we usually charge them for using our art (against our better judgement).

We let them use our comic pages in their monetized videos for free. And occasionally these videos receive thousands and millions of views, which I imagine gives a decent amount of ad revenue, while the artists themselves don't usually earn anything from their own artwork, nor do we ever want to put it behind a paywall of any kind. (we like reading free comics too so don't worry x|)

... But doing full-colored comic pages for free eventually gets hard to sustain without any income from it, even more so when we need to give our time and energy to other jobs to earn money for a living instead. We legitimately keep going on our comics purely out of love. Truly, we would LOVE to do our own art for a living. There's things like Patreon but it's only feasible if we're also able to produce bonus content or show BTS, and only people willing to spend money for them can help us, and not readers who aren't able to.

And we understand that not everyone can afford to support us monetarily. And that's okay!

But if you love these comics and want to really help us to keep going, there ARE ways you can easily support us for free!

For example, affiliates on Twitch (like myself) are able to earn ad revenue very early on (they must have at least 50 followers, quite a requirement, but still easier to obtain than Youtube's 1000 subscribers).

(my Youtube, btw. not much rn but drop a subscribe?)

But simply put, if the vast majority of readers from the yt numbers visit and stay for ads on the artists' Twitch streams (remember to have adblocker disabled for the site, if any), they'll be making an actual, physical contribution to the artist themselves, at no cost whatsoever. We earn up to 55% from any ads that run on our stream, so the more viewers, the better!

(this is my twitch on average 8 viewers, with a 3 hour stream. again, the more the better!)

(ofc you can also buy subs to watch ad-free and supports me directly, but i'm typing all this to share the free ways people can support their fave creators ✨)

And even if that doesn't work out, I'd be happy enough to see most of you there 🙏🏻💙 I've been treating my streams as work, so I'm striving not to break the streak.

So drop a follow on my Twitch, and catch the streams when you can! They're great if you need company or background noise, and also great for co-working~

Currently streaming WEEKLY, Mondays, Wednesdays (SwapOut) and Saturdays, 10.30AM EST

(art by @cupcakepaints)

>> twitch.tv/zkcats <<

Anyway thanks for listening to my Ted talk, please share this around for others as well >< 🙏🏻 Artists, make this a reblog chain or something! Promo your stuff!

And apologies for the essay, I wasn't expecting to type this much sdghsgh this itself is not an ad for Twitch or whatev, I'm just a little frustrated with needing to juggle all this.

I was also considering hosting SwapOut somewhere that could get ad revenue, but I wasn't sure where until I realized I can probably earn that from my Tapas now (i think?? sdfhgh up to 70% ad revenue there but i haven't seen any yet) So maybe I'll post there a day earlier than here or something? We'll see. Go subscribe there! Check it out! Reread it! Help ME help YOU!

... Much appreciated ><

[thana-topsy]

If you're up for sharing more writing tips, how can I tell if what I've written is actually any good? With writing I get stuck in a cycle of feeling like I'm the next Shakespeare while writing but then I'll look over my work a few days later and absolutely hate everything and think it's the most cringe shit ever, then I'll leave it a bit longer and think eh it's not as bad as I thought but still not great and so on. I feel like being forced to write for a grade during school and having everything be marked and assessed and assigned a particular value has robbed me of the ability to critically analyse my own work in a way that's objective and accurate but also fair and realistic. I can analyse other peoples' stuff till the cows come home but I lose all rational thought when it comes to my own stuff

Adding onto that, how do I get to the point where I can stop looking back at my old work and hating everything and wanting to delete it all? Realistically I know finding fault with my old stuff is good bc it means I've grown and improved from where I once was etc but at the same time I wanna enjoy stuff I've made in the past without cringing every time I read it

Hey there Nony, I wanted to let this one percolate a little bit before answering because I've been where you are. And it's a rough time for sure. But aside from my own experiences, I also wanted to get the opinions of some of my writerly friends in the fandom, too, since everyone is a little font of wisdom in their own right.

So I'm going to share their advice alongside my own, because this is kind of a complicated string of questions you're asking. Long post ahead!

@paraparadigm says to Keep Writing: "Write more. Write so much (and so many different things) that eventually the sheer volume bulldozes over self-devouring ego, comparison twitches, or feeling lost, because you don't yet know your own baseline. Coupled with "read more, read everything, read things you enjoy and things you don't, read for the craft as much as the entertainment." And: "I'd add that when revisiting old writing, it's helpful for me to differentiate between "ew the writing is not as technically solid as it is now" and "ah that's interesting, I guess that's where I was at then, emotionally and psychologically". Old writing is also a sort of archaeological record of your younger self, and that can, in fact, be a bit itchy to revisit, so learning to cherish that without passing judgement can be really helpful. I try to treat it like those little marks one puts on the door jamb to track a kid's height."

@mareenavee says "Part of it is writing more, as Para said and I will always second that. Another part is, honestly, the hardest part. It's to try very hard to get out of the habit of negative self-talk.... There's so much work involved with this but normalizing being proud of your work and having some grace with yourself is part of that answer."

@archangelsunited says "Early on, instead of going “this has to be a masterpiece” I would tell myself my only job was to tell a story. I couldn’t tell a story if I was deleting it. Also, talking about your work helps. The less ashamed I was of my writing, the more people wanted to read it. There is a need to hide your work, and that can lead to a downward spiral all its own. And, 90% of the time, you have to suck at something to learn to be good at something. The work you already wrote shouldn’t be the sum of all your skill, it should be one of those measuring sticks for the moment. Despite previous thought, you won’t be stuck at the same level forever."

@polypolymorph says "In addition to accumulating experience via reading and writing, you also have to be willing to reinvent the wheel. Unfortunately the Process™️ is unique to everyone, and even when you are deliberately mimicking a voice as, say, a ghost writer, you can't expect that 2+2=4 for you. Your process might look more like a Lotka-Volterra equation for the same type of work and that's okay. Trial and error is the best way to figure out what advice actually works for you--and if it doesn't, it doesn't mean you're wrong. Don't get stuck on pop writing advice like a sad roomba does on an upturned rug. Learn when to throw it out."

So there's some advice from some other excellent writers! I hope you've been able to find some value in their advice, because it certainly kicked me in the pants a few times.

As for me, I think, having been where you are, my biggest piece of advice is: Find joy in the craft. Get curious instead of critical. An artist shouldn't down themselves over a rough sketch when they're working out a drawing, so why would a writer do such a thing? Everything you write is practice. Everything you make has value because it builds up to the next thing you make.

At the end of the day, you are the only one who is capable of telling the stories that are in your head. This fact alone gives whatever you put onto paper value, regardless of quality. You are creating magic, in the most literal sense! Creating something out of nothing, conjuring images into someone else's mind from hundreds of thousands of miles away, transcending space and time. It's amazing!

Lastly, my final piece of advice is to just write for fun. Write things nobody else will ever see just because you wanted to get words onto paper. You have to unlearn what was drilled into you in school. You are more than a content creation machine. You are an artist, a wordsmith. And just know that there will never be a day when you look at your own work and say "That's it, I have achieved perfection."

Writing is a life-long journey. Just enjoy the ride!

[haematoclan]

Okay..Okayokayokayokay..😌

Initially, thank you so much for reblogging my work, it's very nice of you! I love your work and the way you write! The first time I saw you on A03, and only after I saw you here, I immediately subscribed because you are a very cool person. (it may be wrong to say that without really knowing the person and only from his work, but it happens.)❤️

Secondarily, I wanted to ask for permission. (because it's the right thing to do, it's respect for someone else's work) Can I draw a comics based on your fanfiction on A03 "Oh, my god, what a chatty creature"?

This is one of the best works in the world (in my opinion) and I would really like to draw it.

It's going to be a long job because I want to give my best, but I'm willing to give my all for this work and its author.

(If I disturbed you or it was unpleasant to read, then I apologize!)

Have a good morning/afternoon/evening!

🫶🐢

OMGOMGOMG ok so firstly: but of course i reblog your art!! i'm not great at describing artworks because i don't know many technical terms but your art is simply incredible and i admire your skills!! i love your art! i think my favorite art piece of yours is April underwater in aquarium, i legit couldn't stop looking at it for half an hour when i first saw it, it's so impressive and beautiful!! :O and omg??? thank you so much it's so nice of you to say!! i hope im not crossing any boundaries when i say, based on your work and general vibes, i think you're very cool too!! :D

secondly: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OF COURSE YOU CAN DRAW COMICS BASED ON CHATTY CREATURE??? YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO ASK I'D BE HONORED!!! like, i'd legit be happy to get a stick figure based on my work so the fact you want to do a comic??? that makes me so happy!!!!! don't hesitate to tag me and/or send me a message when you post it, i'd love to see it!!

and im so flattered you liked my fanfic so much aaaaaaaaaaa!!! fgsdhfjksdl don't worry, you didn't disturb me at all! in fact, this ask made me so happy i had to pace around my room for a second from overflow of positive energy, thank you so much!! :D

HAVE A GOOD MORNING/AFTERNOON/EVENING AS WELL❣❣❣ 💙🐢

[pettyeddiediaz]

one thing I personally love with Eddie's current storyline is how much it ties back to his closed off nature about his traumas/the shooting/etc. eddie has always had hyperindependent tendencies in my opinion - he thinks he has to do things alone. he is constantly trying to look like he is put together enough to function (ie all of season 8 so far). I'd argue the only times we truly see him ask for help (as opposed to someone offering/jumping in) is when it comes to Christopher (ie, most of the season 7 parenting moments we have with Chris and buck)

But when it's his own personal things, it's really hard for eddie being able to open enough to ask for what he needs. buck is there for his ptsd breakdown only because Christopher called for help, but almost every other big moment when eddie verbalizes what is going on in his head is almost yanked out of him against his will? when he tells Bobby he is mad at shannon for wanting a divorce, when he has to admit his panic attacks because buck won't give up, the list goes on.

eddie didn't grow up in an environment where he was allowed to be anything but okay. his entire life, he had to make his own plans on how to pick himself up. his deployment and marriage with shannon are interesting because he falls right into these roles. oh shannon is pregnant with their son? eddie immediately marries her and then jumps to a career that will provide for their family. a career with premiere health issurance and proper death benefits if something happens to him. his father was never there for his mother, and eddie fell into the same situation - going as far away as possible to provide because that was his job as the 'man of the house'. I don't even think he truly considers how much he is repeating the cycle and neglecting shannon emotionally until she leaves.

throughout the series, we see him do better and better with this, but there are still lots of things that never come to reckoning. I find it very interesting that when he has panic attacks, buck is like well you did just get shot recently, but Eddie is adamant that is not the reason. he knew he was stuck in a corner because he either had to admit the truth about his lack feelings for ana or come to terms that buck would want to talk about the trauma of the shooting.

we see this again in season 6 when buck is struck by lightning and the implications of his 'death' stick with him for a while after. buck asks eddie what he remembered from the shooting, and Eddie clearly diverts eye contact and gives the most vague answer. again, he is reverting back to being there for buck and being what buck needs, but in his mind, the only way to do that is to be small and take up as little space as possible. and at that point, he doesn't want to bring up the trauma of the shooting or how weak his emotions made him feel.

and again and again, we see that differ when it comes to chris. eddie could never see chris as a burden. eddie is holding strong to not be a burden, but he would never think of Christopher that way. ever. eddie loves being needed honestly, and one of their major fights is eddie and chris working through chris needing him *less* (chris wanting to go to the park with his friends). I'd argue he loves being needed by buck almost as much as he loves being needed by chris. he would do anything to take care of his people's needs, but he doesn't even give a second thought to neglecting his own. the biggest example of this, i think, was dispatch eddie. he barely gave it any thought before he transferred. being a firefighter was part of his identity, something so vital to helping him feel his own worth, but he was willing to give that up immediately when chris expressed his fears.

with Chris not actually in his care anymore, this is the first time eddie has to ever put his own needs first. and one of those needs *is* his son. right now, eddie feels like this is the best option for chris because this is what chris wants, but fighting for his son is going to be eddie fighting for his own needs.

it'll be one of the first times we will ever see him put himself first purposely.

and I think once we open that well up to where eddie feels more confident in his worth as a whole person, he will finally be able to express things he always felt were 'too much'. (ie, the shooting, all the other traumas of his life). eddie has never had a moment where he hasn't felt the weight of the world on top of him with all the things he is responsible for, so it will be so beautiful to see him recognize that he deserves true care for himself (and not just chris!!) too.

that is what I'm most excited about his arc. yes, I'd love to see a reckoning on his sexuality for sure, but the acknowledgement that eddie understands his worth and that he is not a burden - that people help him because they *love* him. that's so personal to me 😭

[zipstidbits]

hi zip! 👋 i'm just really curious about how you got into astrophysics 👀 and what careers interest you in that field if you don't mind sharing ☺️ i just think it's so cool, but like, in the way of someone who knows absolutely nothing about astrophysics except that it's probably really hard and also rockets 😛🚀 have a lovely day! 💞

hi zesty!!!!! thanks so much for asking, i don't mind sharing at all :))))

how i got into astrophysics:

both my parents are second-generation americans so education/college was always The Big Goal growing up. this translated to my parents really emphasizing math and science skills and i got really interested in science this way. (the post-cold war american cultural emphasis on science as a whole probably contributed to this as well, lmao.)

i ended up momentarily ditching the science dream because i started struggling with math in middle school. i can do it, but my adhd means i struggle to hold numbers in my head (do mental math) and sometimes i can be slow/need to write things out more than others/make silly mistakes/and then get bogged down by imposter syndrome. this was like 10+ years ago so i had zero diagnoses and minimal support so i hopped onto the anti-math train.

i never stopped liking science though. i want to know everything and imo, science contains the answers to everything and is how we'll learn all that is unknown right now. once i hit high school and science class started having a shit ton more math i started to view math differently. it became the whole 'the enemy (math) of my enemy (the unknown) is my friend' thing. thankfully, math, when applied to physics concepts, makes more sense than when in a pure math class, so this became a very doable arrangement.

i also started consuming a lot more pop-science/science in the news around this time. neil degrasse tyson, the one astrophysics class i took in high school, and my dad who played a lot of star trek and pbs space videos on youtube to bond with me opened my mind to the most beautiful thing ever (space). i just think it's the coolest thing ever and the unknowns are so cool and i want to know what's going on up there so bad!!!!

this (and some spite*) led me to apply to college for a BS in physics. doing just physics and not astrophysics was sort of a safety net because i thought i'd really like particle physics too but it turns out quantum mechanics is evil and fucked up so i chose to stick with astrophysics as my concentration, lmao.

*i felt like a lot of my peers in high school assumed i couldn't do this because i wasn't naturally good at math/physics and i took a little more time and effort (i spent a lot of early mornings and afternoons in help sessions, lmao) and a part of me wanted to prove them wrong.

then, this past fall/winter, i applied for a bunch of astrophysics phd programs because i've thankfully got a BS degree and i've made my mind up on what i want to do in life (study/learn about space). i got rejected from 7 out of the 8 schools i applied to which was terrible in the moment but great now because i didn't really have to choose what program to accept, lmaoooooooooooo.

careers that interest me:

i very much enjoy teaching (i was a teaching assistant this year) and i would really like to continue it. i could probably do that in most research jobs by mentoring others in a lab/research setting but also being a professor sounds really cool and appealing to me since i could do research and traditional teaching, lmao.

i'm kind of willing to give most astrophysics research jobs a try, i think? the only line i'd really draw is i don't want to work anywhere near the american military-industrial complex for moral reasons

thank you again for asking zesty!!!! sorry for rambling so much and i hope you have a lovely day as well!!! <33333

[dr9com9ge-ix]

I'd adore to know more about Wili, if you've had any more thoughts...

Hello Anon! I’ve had many thoughts since this was sent and have accumulated them! Accompanied by some Wili Art by yours truly! (Long post warning, Yapping time! Thank you so much for sending this ask!!!!!)

So this is Wili- Former employee of K-corp (Specifically the food resource development team, Mostly focused on horticulture) and now current employee of the Limbus company! He has a strong desire (nearing obsession) to innovate on how food is obtained and spreading it across the city when he finds it by any means necessary! He left his old job because he felt like it was stagnating and didn’t let him expriment as much as he’d like to (He was in a very middle position I imagine, Not quite at the bottom but not a big enough shot to be on level with Dongrang or something)

And so this spurs him to look elsewhere to satisfy this hunger for knowledge, for a world where one could just pick an apple off a tree and never starve again and well like… His literal hunger!

So he was offered a chance to satisfy that by the Limbus company and he happily accepted! Ever curious about the abnormalities the company faces- If whether or not they’d taste good or provide anything for people. Both in the name of science and the future but also because he is hungry. A wee bit of mad scientist and a gourmand in one.

His EGO is called Stomachache!— It sort of delves into the carrot on a stick/ Forbidden fruit sort of vibe of the future he wants being akin to a ravenous hunger, the kind that turns people into feral animals. He literally bites people in his EGO attack! (Thats where the healing comes from-) He also is quite food agressive and it factors into his passive making him go faster, Probably the sanity hit from EGO use making him act alot less polite than he usually is.

He definitely wants the whole “Food is now easily accessible for everyone!” utopia so he could eat as much as he wants and not think of the possibility of it being taken from him- Also because he thinks the worst thing you could do to someone is just starving them!

Butcher Vanity is probably the main song I listen to when doodling him- Its a very him song to me. Also still thinking about other characters relating to his past/ would be in his Canto and I think it’d be cute to make em fruit themed (There… Isn’t alot of characters to work off of in his source material…Its literally just The Hungry Caterpillar)

Also for other EGOs aside from his own he definitely would have Mountain of smiling bodies/ Smile - Its relating to the hunger! And well he may or may not be willing to kill to have consistent and hearty meals. (also say Hi to Erik my boy he’s in this doodle page too). Maybe also a Fairy Festival/ Fairy Gentleman Ego too. As for IDs- Mayhaps an Eighth Chef/Greta one, a Liu assocation. All that jazz!

Other wee facts about Wili

- Wili has pretty bad hunger pangs, enough to make him want to eat before he thinks he’ll get them. Has a tendency to overeat though.

- He loves talking at length about agriculture — Though mostly from a scientific lens, as he’s never been a farm boy. Mostly working on plants in a lab setting rather than a field. He’ll also yap about food preparation too.

- Kind of dude that will try to grow stuff from groceries.

- His favorite food is a fresh fruit salad but a nice rare steak is a close second!

- He may or may not have considered who to eat first in case of an emergency and may have been too enthusiastic to try human flesh. (much to his coworkers’ horror and then eventual “Okay Wili we know…” /exasperated)

- His little caterpillar hairclip was a gift from a former coworker at K-corp. He thinks its very cute and just has it on him all the time.

-He’s… Maybe also inspired by the Genetically Modified Caterpillar video- In the sense of “Little hungry dude becomes horrifying due to this insatiable hunger and devours things due to science!”

- His name comes from the unused title/ Draft title of The Hungry caterpillar which was “A week with Wili the worm” Because I really didn’t want to name him after the author (I’d have Eric with a C and Erik with a K in that case) and couldn’t find a caterpillar-ish name that would work.

[randomized-sims24]

I made a lil prequel type of fic for the Slendermansion with a more current take on the relationship between Slenderman and Masky primarily, as well as a headcanon: almost every character's canon event was the result of Slenderman's interference (Jeff getting jumped by the bullies, Laughing Jack being abandoned, EJ's sacrificing to the cult of the Black God, etc) (Sally's story, if I make one of these for her, would be an exception) but yeah, this may end up as a series (some like Sonic.EXE or Herbrine will need a little tweaking or work to make it fit in this little series so if anyone has ideas I'd love to hear them) anyway. Enjoy this little snippet between Slenderman and his proxies

Deep in the woods near Rosswood Park stood an old, decrepit, and crumbling manor, originally belonging to the old Mayors, but has long since been abandoned.

At least, that's how it was to the normal human public.

To a select few, it would be a grandiose, freshly built Gothic manor.

Inside, a creature with pale white skin, no face and a crisp black suit with a red tie strode around the home, checking each area of the mansion to make sure it was all sturdy and ready. Once it was satisfied it vanished, reappearing in the foyer.

A few minutes later two figures joined it, one with a white mask with black eyes and lips and brows, the other with a drawn up hood, a black mask with a red frown and red eyes.

*Is everything settled and ready?* The creature asked, turning and looking down at the two young men.

The one with the white mask nodded, lifting his mask just over his lips as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Yeah, everything's ready. I really hope you don't expect me to stay here though. Bad enough I have to be near you already, I think I'd actually kill myself if I had to live in the same house with you." He sneered a bit as he lit his cigarette, frowning when the creature promptly took and crushed it up in one large, slim hand.

*No smoking inside, Timothy. Take it outside at the very least. And I do not expect you to stay. I'd prefer if you did, so I can keep an eye on you both but if you are to be so insistent to leave I won't stop you. We will not be the only ones staying here anyway. And with that said I have a job for you two Tim, Brian.*

The one with the mask sneered again, holding a fresh cigarette, though left it unlit for now and pulled his mask back down. "Don't fuckin' call me Tim. Just...stick with Masky." Beside him Brian nodded, signing out 'and don't call me Brian, it's Hoodie, remember?'

The creatures' shoulders rose and fell like he was sighing.

*Masky, Hoodie. Apologies. Anyway, there is a boy I've been watching, a couple actually.* It handed them each a file, both thin with not much inside.

Masky opened his, briefly scanning over the paper.

"Tobias Rogers, 17. CIPA, Tourettes, OCD, hallucinations. Mother and father, father is a jackass, older sister Lyra died in a car accident which also left him disfigured. Why do you want this kid, sounds like he belongs in a mental hospital more than he does here."

*Tobias has potential. And perhaps may be a bit more willing to work for me than you are, Masky. And Hoodie, I want you to try and bring Jeffery in. Not yet, though. I can sense his potential but he hasn't tapped into it just yet. But give it a few days, a little influence should get it started with him.*

Masky glanced up at the beast, cooking an eyebrow even though the creature couldn't see it.

"Influence? You mean you're looking to ruin these kids lives too? Like you did ours?"

*My reasons are beyond your understanding. You may be my proxies but you are still mortals. And there are some things a mortal simply cannot comprehend. Trying to understand would make you truly mad. Now. Bring me Tobias, and watch Jeffery. I have something to do elsewhere.* In an instant, the creature was gone.

Masky scoffed and tossed his file onto the table, moving his Mask and lighting his cigarette, taking a long pull before blowing out the smoke. "Fuckin' asshole. As if ruining our lives wasn't enough he's lookin' to do it to someone else? Shame I can't kill the fucker."

'Even if you had a way, he'd easily kill you before you could even think of the first step.'

"I know, I know...I just hope he gets tired of us sooner or later and gets out of our lives..."

'Somehow I don't think he will. And if he does let us go he'd probably kill us anyway.'

"Fuck...yeah, you're probably right. But I'd rather be dead than work for that thing one more day."

Masky suddenly groaned, holding his head. "Ow fuck..." He reached into his pocket for his pills, stopping when he heard an aching voice in his head.

*I have my needs for the both of you. For everyone I am bringing through those doors. You will not be leaving my service so easily, or any time soon. I will make sure of that. And take your smoking outside, Timothy. I will not tell you again.*

As quickly as the pain came, it ebbed away just as fast.

Masky groaned a bit and swore under his breath, leaving the foyer with Hoodie in tow as he stepped outside to smoke.

The old, abandoned Mayor's house, in Rosswood forest, was a dead zone, no one and nothing living there. At least that's what the human residents thought. Little did they know what kind of madhouse was beginning to operate in their own backyard...

-end-

[valorianknights]

Sorry I'm on anon, I'm shy, but OMG I saw your Radiojoy art (Alastor x Emily) and I genuinely?? Love it?? As a crackship it has so much potential. She's clearly assertive, witty, and unafraid to call BS. She's also dedicated and willing to listen when necessary. I'd love for her to be the one, at the end of all things, to be the final reason, the last push Alastor needs to actually try or want to be redeemed.

"There's good in everyone,"

"Not me, darling."

"... You're just making excuses. It's easy to be a brat. All kids are born that way."

"Yes, you would know, wouldn't you?" He'd dust off his spectacle and in the background his shadow would show off some horrible thing, souls screaming or whatever.

"I'm not falling for your obvious bait. And when you've grown up enough, you'll see it, too. That you're not beyond redemption."

He'd grip his cane so tightly and his smile would grow thin. -cue Alastor lore dumping via a story about "someone else," a fairy tale, that very clearly implicates his past and wherein the moral is "some people are just born bad," kind of like the Scorpion and the Frog story-

Because a part of him rises to the fire in her. The relentless and almost imposing joy, but she's the REAL joy. The kind that sticks with you. I feel like she wouldn't be afraid to do the hard work it takes to soften the edges of others. She makes me think of water, she can adapt. Alastor loves being the center of attention, and a part of him would love getting it even from an angel. But he'd also feel threatened. His power largely seems to stem from fear and he's desperate for control. I feel like because of Emily's "job," she could help him find fun ways to relinquish control without feeling lost, to inure him to bigger losses. To strengthen his faith in his newfound family. Idk! Sorry

Don't apologize! This is so cool and I love your analysis of this crackship! I hope you have fun with this ship! 😄 You've made my day!

Thank you

[sparrow-in-the-field]

your severance szn 2 criticism summed up everything I’ve been thinking that I just can’t articulate! I think the acting was insanely good and the visuals really levelled up from season 1 but I think a lot of the writing really let it down. And I think a lot of fans have been so distracted by ships and just all the extras and bonuses from the showrunners and cast that they’re distracted from how easy it is to pick apart the weaknesses in the writing. I think you can really tell there were big issues behind the scenes in the writing room and last minute rewrites and so the outcome of that was shrinking the narrative scope to focus mostly on the Mark/Helly/Gemma plot and benching the other major players. Milchick had the best character development but it had the most disappointing conclusion and Dylan’s story had so much potential and it was barely given room to breathe. And I really don’t understand why we‘re still having to base our understanding of outie Irv’s character on unconfirmed theories and assumptions that have been around since 2022. I fully understand why John was a bit hesitant in confirming if he was coming back.

I’m really glad I’m not the only one who felt a little bit let down

thanks anon! I'm glad you liked my thoughts (they were longwinded enough I'm just happy that anyone was willing to read them lol).

I think you really hit the nail on the head here, too. I completely agree that this season had such high quality filmmaking; it's honestly one of the major reasons why I'll stick around for s3. The cinematography, the set, the score are all top notch. And the acting!! Man, I'd give them all Emmys if I could lol. Even if the story and writing is off, each episode is still a joy to watch because of these elements.

I think about the writers room a lot; I believe one of the main directors from s1 left the show because of creative differences, and I would love to know what direction she would have taken the show; alas, we'll never know. And ooff don't get me started about the extras/bonuses!! That's been bugging me a lot. I won't lie, I don't listen to the podcast; I'd watch the talking heads at the ends of episodes and often be like "wait what?". It bothers me that so many people take what they say outside of the show as being the same as direct canon. Call me crazy, but I expect a show to be able to stand on its own to be understood and interpreted. I shouldn't need to consume the supplemental material to understand the thesis of a paper, you know?

It is surprising to me, based on s1, how much the show ended up turning the focus towards ships/romance. I mean, the Helly/Mark/Gemma stuff has always been part of the story, of course, but like you said, in s2 it really came at the sacrifice of other characters and storylines. I really missed the MDR found family aspect this season, and I feel like there's a version of the show where Mark and Helly could have had a romance without it taking away from their friendship with the rest of MDR.

I was excited for Milchick's development! It felt like they were laying the groundwork for something big, but then in the finale he was just the same ol' Milchick. Maybe in s3 we'll see some more growth from him (and/or backstory, please!! where did this man come from?? how did he get this job?? He's never seem dedicated to Kier in the way Cobel was, so I'm so curious how he got here!)

Dylan and Irv both deserved more screen time this season. I enjoyed Dylan's story with Gretchen, but I completely agree that it deserved more room to breathe, and I think Dylan deserved more time with MDR (loved his and Irv's interaction in ep1, more of that energy, please!), as well as some more tension with Milchick (like after s1 they should still be on edge with each other at least, but they barely interacted this season). And the whole Irv story...I've said my piece already lol. But at the very least, if we must go in this direction with Irv, tell me who he's been talking to/working with! I fear Ben Stiller and co. are going to simply pretend that didn't exist for convenience, but I will never forget, Ben. I won't.

You've got me rambling again, anon!! Lol. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!!

[bronzecauldron]

I was planning to hold off on writing down my thoughts on Endwalker's MSQ until I had finished the remaining patch quests to review it in its entirety but my momentum has significantly slowed to a crawl while I focus on other objectives in game oh well, I officially beat 6.0 on February 6th and if I don't do it now I'll never get it done.

It's quite lengthy sorry, but I only really delve into certain areas and very few characters, and much of what happens among the main supporting cast I gloss over. I only expect 2 or 3 people at most to fully read it so this is REAL blogging.

I vocalize this every chance I get but I greatly dislike MMOs and playing games with other people in general. Especially if it's mostly comprised of strangers. The extent of my interest is usually contained within Animal Crossing co-op. For FFXIV to have made me sink nearly 600 hours of playtime is a massive feat in my eyes. I don't think I have it in me to ever want to play another MMO again but I'm willing to say I loved progressing throughout this game and I'm glad i chose to stick with it for once. I have previously tried playing twice within the last ten years and never made it to gaining my first job stone in either attempts. I'm not sure what clicked for me now but what a ride it has been.

Firstly I'd like to thank the development team for creating the most perfect antagonist Zenos it's like he was grown in a lab specifically to attack my brain neurons. I wish they'd release a Bring Arts figure of him already, preferably of both his SB and EW designs, to charge 200 real dollars to my credit card so I can gaze longingly at a plastic doll for my remaining 60 years or so I have left on this earth if I am lucky. Do no listen to online essayists who insist Zenos death was the perfect end to his arc I think he should return as soon as it is convenient for the writers to shoehorn him back inside my computer. In Portuguese myth it was once believed that King Sebastiao will return to serve the nation once again when he is needed most and I have been gripped by a similar fanaticism. Zenos will come back and him and my adventurer will chase each other across fields of Mars as they are wont to do. He was neither good nor kind but I still feel a swell of affection for his crazy ass.

I have more I wish to say about Zenos but then this post would really begin to drag on... The biggest strength of Endwalker is easily its music. Any song that spotlights the piano is my favorite. Out of all the music involved in FFXIV, Endwalker's tracks are ones I go out of my way to listen the most. I wish at some point in the future there is documentation of the process of creating FFXIV from initial planning, story boarding, 3D design and rendering, and how this process effected Soken and his team's compositions. I can only imagine the effort it took to create the soundtrack for Endwalker, it really was a treat to listen to.

Tangent: If anyone reading this loves the more majestic melodies in EW do yourself a favor and listen to Sufjan Stevens' Age of Adz album. I'm trying to build a bigger crossover of Sufjan and FFXIV fans please help me deepen this connection.

Fandaniel was a fun villain I really, really liked whenever he was on screen. I already felt positive about Asahi so introducing the new big bad in the skin of a previous character was cool considering I was disappointed Asahi (as far as I knew at the time) only appeared during Stormblood's patch quests and died shortly before Shadowbringers began. Asahi's final final exit was great, I'm glad I saw him speak as himself one last time. I appreciate even after killing himself as Zodiark, Fandaniel/Amon still had much to say later on in the dungeon before the Hydaelyn fight.

Old Sharlayan is a my least favorite location but not because it sucks on a game design level I just don't like its citizens, even before playing Endwalker I already made up my mind on how much I didn't like these bookworms who had abandoned their dope ass city in the hinterlands just because they didn't want to get involved with Garlemald and my opinion only soured after learning they fully intended to leave the world on the moon ship these guys suck so bad their food sucks and neutrality is so ugly. I wish at some point the MSQ spoke more in length on how being neutral and refusing to interfere in the troubles of Eorzea was a cowardly position I think Sharlayans should have felt a bit more shame just being in the presence of the Warrior of Light. Harrumph.

My cold reception to Sharlayan lead to a much warmer and brighter view of Thavnair, even in the beginning with the evil tower looming over it. Post-6.0 Thavnair is such a joy to fly around in and I love being in Radz-at-Han it's so gorgeous. I love the Matanga tribes so much they're so cute. Vtra using a puppet body of a child to hang out with his people because he's afraid to freak them out with his true form of a dragon is great, Thavnair is his nest and he freaking loves all his citizens to the point he was unwilling to harm them even as they began to deform during the return of the final days.

Garlemald I haven't much to say about: Camp Broken Glass is kinda uninteresting by itself, I enjoyed flying over the ruins of the capital city but that's the extent of my feelings. The cast of minor characters you meet in Garlemald definitely carry the experience. Watching Jullus go from being a good soldier to the empire to just trying to do good for his people was awright! He's growing, he's kind of a good guy now! I like him a lot.

Time to talk about Elpis. I still love the Ancients, I understand the grief Emet-Selch went through to restore his home but I think his behavior post-sundering fully sets in how strange and unappealing their society is. I'm mostly with Hermes on how careless Amaurotines act towards beings they think are lesser to them. I'm glad the player is sent to Elpis and not Amaurot, although I would have loved to roam the streets as it once were and not within the bottom of the sea. Elpis really highlights the Ancients attitude of treating their world like an ant farm. Ah well, but I have such appreciation for them regardless.... I think Emet-Selch's devotion to his old world endears it to me, and as I played along felt small remorse they would have to endure terror and an unmaking of their souls. I wish during the MSQ there had been some kind of confrontation between Emet-Selch and Venat who stood at wide opposition of the future of their star.

Emet-Selch's inclusion in Endwalker was so funny I loooove this grandpa. Comparing him in Elpis to his role in ShB just underscores that this is the same exact guy after 12,000 or so years. The first sacrifice, and recurring deaths to Zodiark encapsulates his willingness to perform acts of cruelty to save something he loves. He's so sick in the headddd and I wouldn't have him any other way I'm EmetSelchFan1996 his love did not make him greater it made him worse and worse and worse he was playing Emet-Selch's Civilization on the lives of the source and its' reflections for fun to achieve his goals. And when he leaves one last time after helping prior to the final fight, while encouraging the WOL to seek further travels and engage with the world they must save, he still insists this world sucks and he doesn't want to come back. Fucking asshole. My god.

Although my interest in gaming as a hobby is waning as I get older, I really hope Square Enix devise some kind of plan to publish an offline version of the Hydaelyn story arc to replay well into the future. It is sad to think there may be a time where such an experience is unavailable decades or so from now. I still enjoy replaying games I've beat before but I don't know if I'm willing to engage with every single MMO aspect of the story just to see it again...

Ok here's my ranking of each X.0 patch excluding Dawntrail:

Stormblood #1 baby 10/10 when I first finished SB and posted about it on tumblr it was such a small reaction so I'm going to say it here, having an expansion involving the WOL helping two differing nations resist Garlemald's grip on their livelihood felt sooo good I think it's awesome going from being the beloved hero of Eorzea and Ishgard to realizing there are people in the world who have worked untiringly to free themselves by the Garlean invasion for many years prior, and although it was the help of one adventurer backed by divinity to manage to turn the tides in their favor, it was ultimately the people of Ala Mhigo and Othard to stand and fight and keep the faith that they'll one day be free. Stormblood is so beautiful can they do it like Star Wars and release a novelization of it so I can have it by my side foreverrrrr

Shadowbringers at #2 I've already spoken a little more into detail about how I felt playing ShB here.

#3 Endwalker you'd think after how much I enjoyed EW I'd rate it higher but this is FFXIV at its most Marvel movie-esque and much of EW's higher moments rely on past knowledge to build up the emotional pay off. But it's a satisfying end and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

#4 Heavensward and A Realm Reborn are equally as good to me and I am a firm believer that ARR is enjoyable if you let it take you along for the ride instead of insisting 'it gets good 100 hours in' but I understand when it hits the bottom on personal rankings because it really is fucking long, and after I have completed it once I'm not inclined to want to do it all over again (as well as I have a bias against elves and I don't want to hang out in Ishgard any time soon.)

Anyway if you made it this far,

[behindthewox]

I have a question for you all. If you could decide the content and focus of this blog, taking the opportunity to make use of the established audience and reputation that already exists, what would you do?

There are a lot of things I want to do with this blog, and it's not just criticism. I'd like to do tips and tricks, guides and helpful examples to actively provide help and support for the sites too. But I'm just one person, I only have so much time and although I have some experience and skill to share I'm not an expert by any means. But we have a lot of people across WoX who are very experienced and very skilled in various jobs, and it's a shame we don't make that available across sites for others to learn from and make use of.

This blog could be a platform for sharing tips, advice and how-to guides between sites to help each other out. It could even be used to advertise site events and reach out to potential new users. But for that it needs contributors who contribute with content, and I can see why people would hesitate to get involved in that.

I made a decision early on with this blog: the most efficient way to get attention and reputation within the WoX community would be to make content that people would talk about and have strong opinions on, for better or worse. I'd say it worked, people have strong opinions on the content and that makes them pay attention and talk about the content they feel strongly about. A lot of people across WoX are familiar with the blog and there is a regular audience. It comes at a price though: this blog now has a reputation for being controversial and problematic. It's a price I was, and am, willing to pay. A risk I took knowingly and strategically. In some circles it's mostly supported and people appreciate the content and the platform as an option to be heard and supported, and do so anonymously without risk of repercussions. In other circles it's considered a venomous pit of hate and bitterness, toxic and abusive, spreading radical views and unfair assumptions, using misinformation and false accusations under the guise of "voicing opinions" to bully and hurt people because they're upset about something. (I personally think that's a rather extreme and unfair opinion/accusation based on personal feelings rather than objective observation, but I can see where they're coming from. Credit to the anon who summarised these opinions for me in a submission.)

The problematic reputation will probably stick, no matter what sort of content I choose to focus on. And to some extent I think we need to be a bit problematic and controversial in order to change for the better. We need some radical opinions to start discussions about things we wouldn't discuss or even consider otherwise. It's a tricky balance but progress doesn't come out of compliance - progress is triggered by criticism. It's a process that does damage but like the saying goes, "you can't make an omelett without breaking a few eggs".

That said, I'd like for this blog to do more than just breaking eggs. I'd like to provide the instructions for how to make an omelett out of it too, and I do my best to try when I can. The question is, is it worth the time and effort to create the content? Would it be helpful or just dismissed because it comes from a blog with a problematic reputation? Would other people be willing to contribute? Would it be worth making an offensive overstep, an outsider providing a service that the community leaders should provide, making them look bad for failing to provide it? These aren't rhetorical questions, I actually need answers. And we, as a community, could probably use a healthy discussion about it too.

Feel free to make subsmissions with your ideas on how we can change and improve things, not just this blog but also the WoX sites at large. It's important to discuss the problems, but it's even more important to discuss the solutions.

[abitofafreudmoment]

HELLO IRL FRIEND OF NICO

i have noticed that you are into discworld and would like to hear more about it bc i am interested in reading it but am incapable of getting into anything unless it's been hyped up to me enough and you seem like you'd be willing to ramble lovingly about this series so uhh. favorite characters? what's it about? themes? fun tidbits?

(no pressure though and sorry if this is a weird way to introduce myself hi im luce)

lol no worries Luce! yes I'm very happy to ramble for you. (post-writing here, this is so all over the place sorry for like not sticking to one area but hey it's defos a loving ramble - kinda just talked about vague stuff, but I can 100% go into specifics).

So. . . where do I begin?

40 books in the series, he wrote right up until his death. NOT a continuous plotline through all 40. In fact, I recommend not starting with the first one (two actually)as it's not spectacular (that being said, it is still worth reading once you're in the series, good for the overall worldbuilding if memory serves). below is a sorta ok guide to how they connect - I have my issues with it but it's the best I've found.

I wouldn't recommend starting with Sourcery, but that's cuz Rincewind isn't my favorite character - I'd start with either equal rites or Lords and Ladies or Mort or The Truth or The Fifth Elephant or just wherever really as long as it isn't the Colour of Magic or the Light Fantastic.

A few crucial ordering things - READ THUD AND SNUFF (and ig Making Money and Going Postal) BEFORE RAISING STEAM. READ THIEF OF TIME BEFORE NIGHT WATCH. Those are the really imperative ones that you gotta order right, generally do it vaguely chronologically and yeah. Have at it.

The Hedgehog Song - this is a tidbit that shows up a lot in the Witches books as a very rude song that Nanny Ogg sings, BUT WE NEVER GET THE WORDS and I so want them.

Because it was written over 32 years, there are so many characters that just like slowly worm their way into it and I love watching a character turn from like a single footnote into a fully-fledged, important-to-the-plot character (I'm looking at YOU, Cassanunda)

SPEAKING OF FOOTNOTES OMG the books are riddled with them and. . . chef's kiss they add So Much to the series. They're so funny.

Pratchett is actually just like so funny as an author in general, but wittily so. Not saying he does pure comedy - he doesn't. Many a time have I cried over a Pratchett book. He's also great at taking stuff and . . . twisting it ig into something brilliantly new - Take, for instance, Maskerade, which is the Phantom of the Opera but Pratchettifyed (New word! yay! I'll be using it a lot I'm sure.). or like just what he does with Fairy Tales in general (Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies sorta)

Also his MAGIC omg - soft magic system done right. I also love like the different approaches to magic that the witches and wizard have to it. Also how like the Creatures from the Dungeon Dimensions get [spoilers removed]

The gods man. Love them. They exist, they feed off of raw belief (Small Gods' premise is that people start believing in the institution formed around a god as opposed to the god itself and then that god like almost dies cuz no-one believes in him. (surprise surprise it's a commentary on the Church)) and they play games with the lives of men (the Last Hero). Love Granny Weatherwax's opinion on them which goes smthn like this: "No use believin' in 'em, it only serves to encourage 'em." <-- As a concept belief is not simply tied to the gods either. He does a lot of stuff about how what people believe to be true can affect how they perceive things around them.

THE FOOLS. Pratchett understood the tragedy of clowns and as such his fools are so insanely sad - the Fools' Guild is the least happy of all the guilds. I love them so much

Speaking of guilds: the Guild of Thieves. is a legit guild set up by Vetenarii to do crime to the socially acceptable level and no higher - I'm doing a bad job explaining it but it's ingenious.

Vetenarii is probably one of my favorite characters in the entire series. He, above all else, understands how humans work and he uses that skill to get people to do what he wants.

Pratchett does not pull the punches when it comes to messaging and such - very anti-war, anti-racism, anti-sexism etc. Also love what he does with People and how they can/can't be controlled (The human condition as a whole ig) - one of my fav quotes from the series is Vimes saying "They're scared. You can't expect much from people when they're scared."

My personal fav book is Monstrous Regiment, which is relatively standalone. Very good. Very "horrors of war"-y with a touch of the classic [redacted due to spoilers].

I could go on, but this post is getting very long so if I do continue I'll do it in another post.

TL;DR: Pratchett = FUCKING BRILLIANT

[chaiiitealeaves]

look i've tried my best not to go absolutely insane about good omens s2 but that has failed miserably and here i am. i just. heres a massive rant mainly about aziraphale. (good omens s2 ep6 spoilers)

i am such a firm believer that there is no theorising to be had with the ending, regarding why aziraphale did what he did. there's nothing you can say. it was totally in character for aziraphale, and it was totally in character for crowley. it made so much sense and THAT is why it hurt; i just cannot for a second outsource aziraphales responsibility to the metatron or anyone else.

the metatron didn't coerce aziraphale - he didn't have to. aziraphale just jumped at the opportunity to 'fix' things. things, however, do not mean crowley. i mean, i'm sure this opinion has been BEATEN TO DEATH by now, but i'd still like to get it out there.

aziraphale tends to pick up very well on verbal communication, but not very well on non-verbal communication. aziraphale will always listen to crowley's outbursts (such as, calling crowley nice, and being pinned violently to a wall because of it), and will not take it personally. he listens, regardless of tone, and seems to understand crowley better through his verbal responses. that obviously isn't to say they ever communicate, THEY DON'T, but aziraphale is still better at verbal cues than non-verbal ones. aziraphale can never anticipate crowley's actions, however, and we see this with job's children. aziraphale was genuinely unsure of what crowley would do. with crowley, it seems to be the exact opposite. he anticipates aziraphale - he knows that aziraphale is going to like food before he's even tried it, he knows exactly how to coerce aziraphale to help stop armageddon in the first series/book because he knows exactly what aziraphale likes and cares about.

i think that communication difference is exactly why the end hurt so much. aziraphale - and i will die on this hill - must've firmly believed that crowley was going to be happy with the news. and so, he was totally lost when crowley responded poorly. and i mean, aziraphale knew IMMEDIATELY that crowley had responded poorly, he just thought that he had to explain his point better. aziraphale just wasn't able to pick up on the true reason for that very obvious, deep hatred for heaven that crowley has. his angelic ball of thoughts that we liken to a brain is telling him that not that crowley hates heaven because it's corrupt, but that crowley hates heaven because he was CAST OUT. it's a misinterpretation built on 6000+ years of no real communication.

aziraphale wanted to fix heaven for crowley, he didn't want to fix crowley for heaven. and yet, that's exactly how it came across. and because neither of them talk, crowley was taking aziraphale's words in his own (wrong) way, and aziraphale was taking crowley's reactions as 'not understanding'. honestly, aziraphale's overeager want to make things 'good' and 'right' again is what makes. every word he speaks is hypocrisy, because he's not speaking for a principle, he's speaking to try and convince someone. that's why we get such extreme statements from him: "you could be an angel again" is just an echo of "nothing lasts forever" - he is so insanely sure that crowley would want to - should want to - be an angel again, that he's willing to leave everything behind for his one little corrupt corner of eternity. it's poisonous, watching aziraphale stick so intensely to the rules of heaven and hell. but it's inherently in character.

to aziraphale, gabriel and beelzebub's departing was initially grounds for a confession. i mean, look at him.

just look at his absolute happiness at being able to take crowley out to dance!!! in this episode, we get some real gems of aziraphale's true, deep love in his reactions - the infatuated smiles, the 'you're being silly', the hand on crowley's chest in the pub, the 'oh, crowley loves saving me' and VERY specifically, the gripping of crowley's shirt when he sees gabriel and beelzebub together because it means that they could be too. and quite honestly, i don't think the series conclusion throws ANY of that away!! i think the conclusion enhances it so aggressively! why? because it's made so much more painful.

aziraphale was so, SO ready to accept crowley's confession. he was going to confess himself - i am willing to die on that hill. throughout the whole season, he seems so infatuated and so ready to open himself up. yet, the moment the metatron proposes a promotion to archangel, that is all thrown away. all the rebellion he was willing to put up is lost. and i can understand that, because of the switch around in thought pattern, it's easy to say that the metatron manipulated him. but honestly? i really disagree with that take!

aziraphale is just not the type of angel to go against the rules. it took stupid amounts of alcohol to even get him to consider going against heaven regarding armageddon, and even then, he had to find his own loophole to justify it, AND EVEN THEN, HE ATTEMPTED TO CONVINCE HEAVEN TO CALL IT OFF DEMOCRATICALLY UNTIL THE VERY END. THE REASON HE ENDED UP DISCORPORATED AND FORCED TO POSSESS MADAM TRACY WAS BECAUSE HE WAS CONVERSING WITH THE METATRON TO TRY AND DEMOCRATICALY STOP ARMAGEDDON.

as he was ending that tether of obedience - as his want to be with crowley overcame the want to follow the rules - he seemed more bold. when he saw gabriel and beelzebub, that boldness solidified. he was willing to break rules and stand up for himself and crowley - at least, that's how i interpreted it, this season. but of course, he switched his opinions when an easier and SAFER route was provided for him. by making crowley an angel again, all the 'problems' would be solved. he wouldn't have to disobey heaven, crowley wouldn't be bound to the 'wrong' side, and they could be together. of course this thought pattern is inherently wrong, but it's a route that he would be more willing to take because - in his mind - it is a route that protects them.

and oh my god!! that apology after the kiss!! despite the fact it was tone deaf, it was also an apology in good faith. like the apology in s1, he is doing something, but unlike the apology in s1, he's also doing another thing. these things are:

distancing himself from the scenario. by apologising, he doesn't have to actually confront that what crowley's saying might be the better option. he is giving crowley the opportunity to take back his words so that both of them can continue playing by the book. we see this in season one.

misinterpreting literally everything. in season 1, that apology was a distancing attempt. hard and fast, clean and cut. but this time, i am genuinely and ENTIRELY willing to believe that aziraphale didn't understand crowley's kiss. sure, the apology might've also been based on distancing himself, but i would rather die than step down from my belief that aziraphale just wasn't able to grasp why crowley would kiss him if it weren't to apologise.

let me elaborate on this because i can't just put it in one point.

that kiss was seemingly out of the blue, for aziraphale. they had argued, it was nearly over, and then crowley decided to do something kind of - to aziraphale - a bit mental.

i mentioned, at the start of this bloody endless essay, that aziraphale is more adept at picking up on verbal cues. crowley, however, is able to pick up on non-verbal cues. what makes the scene so heart-wrenching is how they both choose to communicate. aziraphale explains again and again because words are what should make sense, and so crowley fumbles his way through communication. aziraphale listens - he waits, he's patient, like he always is - and then he just goes back to explaining, calmly, patiently, as if crowley is somehow just not understanding it. so crowley, as a last ditch attempt to get aziraphale to stay and rethink everything, kisses him.

you know that scene. the scene. this one.

this thing? this moment? you know, where aziraphale doesn't even flinch? i mentioned this earlier - aziraphale is prioritising the words, and listening to their meanings, disregarding the venom in his tone. there's a reason people keep comparing the two scenes! whilst shot similarly, the most harrowing similarities and differences arise the moment you look a bit deeper. for example, aziraphales demeanour. he's calm when crowley pins him to the wall and seethes in his tone, but he's flailing when kissed. see, when crowley finally does something that isn't accompanied by words - a human display of passion and love, a plea - aziraphale has nothing verbal to go off of.

"i forgive you" is a terrible thing to say, don't get me wrong, but aziraphale jumped to one conclusion. one that would let him believe - in his mind - the best case scenario. that the kiss was an apology. and so, when crowley storms out, we get this.

regret, confusion, guilt, that's all very present. he's not only misunderstood crowley, but he's talked down to him and severed a very important and close relationship. but the way he touches his own lips, oh my god.

aziraphale's always been tempted by humanely pleasures. food, obviously. but he also just enjoys their culture an obvious amount. books, for instance! that's not something you'd be getting in heaven, even though the bible is probably endorsed. books are a human thing. as is food, as is theatre, as is magic.

a kiss is totally within that spectrum. it's a human pleasure. and aziraphale adores that closeness, and he has just LOST IT FOREVER. it's the most specific look of regret i've ever seen on a character. it's performed so well. aziraphale truly thinks that he's doing what he's doing for good - transforming heaven, making it less corrupt, making it better. so when he walks away for good and gets in the elevator, he thinks he's making the right sacrifice. but, if you ask me, crowley must be thinking that aziraphale has finally found the one temptation he won't give into.

and it's crippling, for the both of them.

tldr; aziraphale fucked up so bad, and it is his own fault. but also, it's still totally in character!!!

sorry for the longest post ever oh mygod

[sushisocks]

Hey there! I believe you said in another post that the final confrontation would be unlikely to happen if lenny and sean were alive, so i'd like to ask if you could expand on that pls(if u havent already and i just didnt see it lol)

Btw on a side note im actually super invested in your sean content😭😭the fandom seems to only talk ab him to label as an idiot, so as a fellow sean lover the way you characterize him has me so in love❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh Anon you are SO LOVELY!!! Thank you not only in giving me the opportunity to rant more about Sean and Lenny (which I am always so willing to do), but also for your super kind words!! Sean is very dear to me, and I'm glad my reading into him as much as I do strikes a chord with other people ;;u;;

The way the general fandom often characterizes him isn't very surprising to me, given his personality & the surface level impressions he gives, but maybe for now I'll save THAT rant for another time, else we stay here forever lmaoo

So, to start answering your question, I believe you're talking about my post from a few months ago, where I talk about how I believe Sean & Lenny would've sided with Arthur & John if they'd lived to see the final confrontation. In it I mention how I find that final confrontation a lot more unlikely were Lenny & Sean to survive that far and stick around for the entire thing.

Now, WHY do I believe this? I touch on it briefly in that original post, but let's really get into it here!!

Okay to start off, there's a LOT of ways I see things going, in regards to Sean and Lenny, were they both to survive, because it adds SO MANY variables, but let's start at the very top.

At a meta level, it is important to recognize that RDR2 is a prequel to RDR1. This meant from the get that RDR2, as it is canonically, was bound to a certain outcome, to set up for RDR1. This ALSO means, that every step from the start of RDR2 was very much there not only to lay the groundwork for the end of RDR2 but also add another emotional layer to RDR1. This is all certainly things we are aware of already, but I think it's important to have that context in mind while we talk about alternative outcomes.

Because, see, Sean and Lenny HAD to die for the outcome in RDR2 to be the one it is. Not only them, but Hosea, Kieran, Molly, and Susan's deaths are ALL integral and important to the story, they ALL make a difference and contribute in pushing the story a certain way, and in reinforcing the steadily increasing hopelessness which infest the gang from Sean's death and out.

So if we're like "what if none of them died?" there are suddenly a LOT of new variables for every mission and every scenario we know from the game, which need to be considered. This is true EVEN if the change in survival count is only reduced to Lenny & Sean.

How different do you not think Shady Belle would have felt, initially, without Sean's death hanging over it? What about the bank job -- would Lenny & Sean end up on the boat to Guarma? What would've happened to them there, then? Would either of them be caught by the Pinkertons instead, with John or in his stead maybe? What other options would there have been, where would they end up at the end of that?

And already here we have to consider how those experiences might've impacted them psychologically, because of who they are.

In the post I mentioned earlier, I talk about how Lenny is new to the gang and probably isn't as stuck in it mentally as Arthur and John, nor do Sean and Lenny have the same emotional attachment/baggage in regards to Dutch. They're loyal of course, because they feel a sense of obligation to the gang, because it provides them with safety, friends, and allies, in an otherwise unkind world.

But what then happens when that changes?

How do you expect Sean and Lenny to respond when the gang starts turning on itself? When Dutch visibly starts losing it? When people start snapping at each other and threatening one another in the middle of camp?

(I have a half-formed thought here about how people would ABSOLUTELY be snapping and talking down to Sean in a way more cruel way towards the end of the game, for trying to keep things light and easy, yknow, fulfilling his role in the gang. I can only imagine what that'd end up doing to him, tbh.)

And, I'll be repeating myself from other posts here, but how do you think Lenny, a young black man painfully aware of the social structure as it exists in America at that point in time, would react to realizing what Dutch's plan with the Wapiti is? Same goes for Sean, who has SEVERAL instances through the game showing him just as politically aware as Lenny - certainly moreso than Arthur.

Would the outcome for the Wapiti tribe be the same, do you think, if Charles had more people than a very sick and tired Arthur to lean on, willing to help? Would Lenny in particular want to stick around to see Dutch attempt to drive the tribe into the ground for his own gain?

Also, I'm sorry but like, Lenny has a camp interaction with Dutch where he disagrees with him (about Miller, Dutch's favorite author) and explains why in a very well-articulated manner. In one instance, Dutch gets straight up offended by it, bcz Lenny can argue very well (and is RIGHT mind you lol).

I do absolutely believe that Lenny would not just sit around quietly in Beaver Hollow. I'd expect him to be among the most vocal in their discontent with the situation, and probably the best at arguing against Dutch.

That is, up until a certain point. Lenny is a young black boy, and Dutch is a white authority figure. Watch Dutch snap and yell at him, like he does John in Ch6 for example, and see how much longer Lenny sticks around fr. The trade is loyalty for safety and the same in kind. Why do you think members start leaving when things start looking their worst? And don't you think Lenny would be among the first to see the writing on the wall?

Though that is hinging on that very specific vibe in Beaver Hollow, where they're all scattered and losing their ties to one another. Add then in Sean, who is VITAL as social glue, and for making conversations easier. If he, and Lenny, and Mary-Beth, Tilly, Arthur, Charles, etc etc, insert your favorites here, managed to retain some of that community feeling, despite it all, then I absolutely see Lenny sticking around for them.

Same goes for Sean, tbh. I can see him leaving earlier, bcz the trade stops being equal and bcz he's not being taken seriously, and I can see him staying, for his friends.

There IS also a version of things where things are similar and I do see Sean siding with Dutch; but that is a very sad and lonely Sean, who is VERY different from where he's at in Clemens Point, and I think that's an unfair perspective to take for him in general.

Okay so, now we're back to that final confrontation, after I said I found it unlikely, why is that? Because, with every question I've posed thus far, about what Lenny & Sean's reactions might've been to canon events after their deaths, I have essentially presented a variable that comes with their survival to those points. Them being there for it, HAS to mean a change, has to mean something different happens, because their deaths are direct contributors to the path we already know the story takes WITHOUT their presences.

Now, what are those differences and changes? I honestly can't answer; something being different earlier or later can butterfly-effect into something completely new or remarkably similar to what we already know. I could sit here all day and wax poetic about all the different options and possibilities for where things could go, were ANY character to survive past their death point, BUT thankfully, that is what fanfiction is for, lol.

I hope this satisfied some of your curiosity, dear anon!! It was a lot of fun for me to write and think about, so thank you very much for asking!!!