#and yes i decided to write this because of the discourse that eddie doesnt have a personality which is literally insane to me??

[eddiediazdefensesquad]

one thing I personally love with Eddie's current storyline is how much it ties back to his closed off nature about his traumas/the shooting/etc. eddie has always had hyperindependent tendencies in my opinion - he thinks he has to do things alone. he is constantly trying to look like he is put together enough to function (ie all of season 8 so far). I'd argue the only times we truly see him ask for help (as opposed to someone offering/jumping in) is when it comes to Christopher (ie, most of the season 7 parenting moments we have with Chris and buck)

But when it's his own personal things, it's really hard for eddie being able to open enough to ask for what he needs. buck is there for his ptsd breakdown only because Christopher called for help, but almost every other big moment when eddie verbalizes what is going on in his head is almost yanked out of him against his will? when he tells Bobby he is mad at shannon for wanting a divorce, when he has to admit his panic attacks because buck won't give up, the list goes on.

eddie didn't grow up in an environment where he was allowed to be anything but okay. his entire life, he had to make his own plans on how to pick himself up. his deployment and marriage with shannon are interesting because he falls right into these roles. oh shannon is pregnant with their son? eddie immediately marries her and then jumps to a career that will provide for their family. a career with premiere health issurance and proper death benefits if something happens to him. his father was never there for his mother, and eddie fell into the same situation - going as far away as possible to provide because that was his job as the 'man of the house'. I don't even think he truly considers how much he is repeating the cycle and neglecting shannon emotionally until she leaves.

throughout the series, we see him do better and better with this, but there are still lots of things that never come to reckoning. I find it very interesting that when he has panic attacks, buck is like well you did just get shot recently, but Eddie is adamant that is not the reason. he knew he was stuck in a corner because he either had to admit the truth about his lack feelings for ana or come to terms that buck would want to talk about the trauma of the shooting.

we see this again in season 6 when buck is struck by lightning and the implications of his 'death' stick with him for a while after. buck asks eddie what he remembered from the shooting, and Eddie clearly diverts eye contact and gives the most vague answer. again, he is reverting back to being there for buck and being what buck needs, but in his mind, the only way to do that is to be small and take up as little space as possible. and at that point, he doesn't want to bring up the trauma of the shooting or how weak his emotions made him feel.

and again and again, we see that differ when it comes to chris. eddie could never see chris as a burden. eddie is holding strong to not be a burden, but he would never think of Christopher that way. ever. eddie loves being needed honestly, and one of their major fights is eddie and chris working through chris needing him *less* (chris wanting to go to the park with his friends). I'd argue he loves being needed by buck almost as much as he loves being needed by chris. he would do anything to take care of his people's needs, but he doesn't even give a second thought to neglecting his own. the biggest example of this, i think, was dispatch eddie. he barely gave it any thought before he transferred. being a firefighter was part of his identity, something so vital to helping him feel his own worth, but he was willing to give that up immediately when chris expressed his fears.

with Chris not actually in his care anymore, this is the first time eddie has to ever put his own needs first. and one of those needs *is* his son. right now, eddie feels like this is the best option for chris because this is what chris wants, but fighting for his son is going to be eddie fighting for his own needs.

it'll be one of the first times we will ever see him put himself first purposely.

and I think once we open that well up to where eddie feels more confident in his worth as a whole person, he will finally be able to express things he always felt were 'too much'. (ie, the shooting, all the other traumas of his life). eddie has never had a moment where he hasn't felt the weight of the world on top of him with all the things he is responsible for, so it will be so beautiful to see him recognize that he deserves true care for himself (and not just chris!!) too.

that is what I'm most excited about his arc. yes, I'd love to see a reckoning on his sexuality for sure, but the acknowledgement that eddie understands his worth and that he is not a burden - that people help him because they *love* him. that's so personal to me 😭