#i would still have some money coming from my other job in the meantime but my hours there are pretty limited

[anotherpapercut]

I'm really fucking terrified of quitting my job. kind of fucking awful how being jobless even briefly can be utterly catastrophic

[fandomscompilation]

Black roses (Kaz Brekker x Reader)

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: slight Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: mentions of cheating (?)

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for not posting for so long and not continuing on the two series I had going on. I lost inspiration for both works, seeing them as a copy of the show and not my own work. But no worries, I'm back to writing and plan on letting new parts out soon! But in the meantime enjoy a little one shot and maybe there'll be more to come during the wait! Let me know what you think and remember my requests are open 🫶🏻

Gif is not mine!

Once a month pigeons flocked to the Crow Club, even Ketterdams citizens went to play The Pure Luck. The game was led by a young woman. Her shuffling didn't allow anyone to count the cards, for she had her own chaotic ways. Some believed even she didn't know what would be dealt. Others believed she was so deciving that nobody suspected anything. But no matter the rumors and theories people still crowded her table.

The thing was not everyone was allowed to play at her table. She chose those that could sit down and have a chance at luck. She lured people in with her charm. Her easygoing nature allowing players to relax and enjoy their night. The table was always full of jokes, banter and laughter. It was a sight to see.

"It seems you're out of money, Sir." The girl smiled at the man across from her. There were only three players left. It was their last chance at winning and this man was desperate to have his money back at least.

"Two cards." He said throwing them to her for a change. She looked to the table before meeting his gaze again.

"Two secrets. Are you willing to pay the prize?" Her innocent voice reached his ears and after a small huff the man nodded to the cards thrown. She shuffled her cards quickly and put down the first one.

Nothing escaped her eyes. He was sweating, his lips twitched almost unnoticeably. But she trained herself to notice those minimalistic changes. After all he was playing her game now.

"Still a chance to back down, sir." He met her eyes only to nod again.

"The second one." He said looking at her hands. She shuffled the deck again and put down another card. The man frowned before showing his cards. He lost.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. Congratulations Mrs. Frederick, you can collect your special prize at the bar." They all shook hands before she led the man to the back room.

It was just a small storage converted into lookalike office. One desk, two chairs. "Two secrets sir."

The night life at the club continued while the two talked. For anyone from the outside it was a regular occurrence, but for those that knew it was crucial. For the girl was not a normal dealer of cards. Each month she would collect secrets and unbeknownst to others she'd then meet with Dirtyhands himself.

When he entered his office she was already in front of his desk, shuffling her black deck of cards. He circled the desk and took his sit while she kept her eyes on the cards.

"He's been having an affair, three years." Her soft voice filled the silence. He only hummed starting at his own work. "It started after him and his wife couldn't start a family. So he found someone else. A man."

"And why is it important?" He asked making her put down the cards.

"Because he works at the Ravkan embassy and he got the job thanks to his father." She put down her deck and leaned back in her chair. "If one would learn of his meetings and accidentally send one of Ravkan's aristocracy to see, then his father would learn the truth and take away his position."

"Why would one open a seat at their embassy?" Kaz asked meeting her eyes. She smiled lightly with a plan already made.

"He had an ultimatum. If he marries then the job is his. But-" She leaned in closer to him. "he has a younger brother. One that enjoys life and could be easily manipulated. He would fit in just well in our city."

"And what about Mrs. Frederick?" Brekker asked going back to his work. She shrugged going back to her shuffling.

"Her son is getting divorced due to him falling in love with another woman. One that works at one of the clubs." She said lightly but still risked a glance at him. And she was right to do so, cause his jaw twitched.

"Really?" Kaz drawled scribbling even harder now.

"Well, he's head over heels for her. Mrs. Frederick said he plans on bringing her flowers tomorrow for it's the day he'll be legally divorced." She wasn't ignorant enough to not realise it was her, who the man loved. But she also knew his nature. The man was known to have affairs and to think with his manhood more than his brain.

"Not an important secret." Brekker said before sending her off. She went straight to her room, just one floor lower and sleep soon caught up to her.

The next day she spend on the Crow Club's floor. She didn't deal that night, but she still played few games and talked with frequent visitors. People loved her company for she gave them a sense of calm and security in a twisted place.

It was noon when Mrs. Frederick son, Joseph, entered the Club. He was in a formal attire with a bouquet of red roses in his hand. The Crows watched how he scanned the floors and his face broke out into a wide smile upon noticing Y/N. She was enjoying her drink with Inej and Jesper during one of the rare quiet moments.

"I hope I'm not interrupting." The man said stopping only a step away from her. She twisted her body to face him and gave a light smile.

"Of course not. Are you looking for someone?" She questioned softly and as innocent as she could. After her talk with his mother she hoped he would not approach her in the open, but she was wrong yet again.

"I'm actually here for you." He said still smiling oblivious to her discomfort. "And those are for you too." Joseph handed her the bouquet.

She looked from his face to the flowers. The bouquet looked quiet expensive for a city like Ketterdam. But no matter the prize she didn't want to give the man false hope if she accepted the gift. She was aware of his affection but for her he was only a player at her table, a man with secrets she could use.

"That's really kind of you, Joseph." She started lightly and breathed deeply. But before she could decline a cane met his elbow making Joseph retract his arm.

"Red roses, really?" Kaz drowled glaring at the flowers like they had pricked him already.

"I'm sorry?" The man frowned straightening up. The three Crows looked between the both of them in shock and confusion. Kaz Brekker was acting possessive and it was not a daily occurrence.

"You talk about your affection openly and yet you don't know that Y/N prefers black flowers." He said already sporting a look of a winner. He was confident in his knowledge about the girl and her likes.

"Why would the colour matter? It's about the gesture." Joseph argued looking back to Y/N in hopes of continuing their conversation. But yet again Brekker spoke up.

"I was trying to be nice. If you won't stop harassing one of my workers I will remove you from my Club." His words were now spoke in the harsh tone that was associated with one and only Dirtyhands.

"You have no right to do that." The man huffed going back to smile at Y/N. "She wants me here." The silence that followed was full of tension. Both man turned to look at her in expectation. Either she'd make Joseph be removed or accept his gift and let whatever this was continue. Her eyes went from the roses to Kaz who calmly met her gaze.

"I'm not a fan of red." Her soft voice broke the silence. Joseph tightened his jaw in anger, while Kaz gave a slight smirk. In moments few Dregs had the man removed while the Crows watched.

"Enjoy the rest of your evening, we've got a job tomorrow." Brekker said heading back to his office. They sat confused before Y/N sprang to her feet and ran after him.

She barged into his office just to have him waiting with two glasses of wine. He was not a fan of wine. Neither did he like flowers in his office, but there, on the side of his desk was a bouquet of black roses. They eyes met only for a moment. But it was enough to make her sit down in front of him and enjoy the drink in silence, while he worked and she smelled the flowers.

[cordeliawhohung]

Pup anon here, there’s just some backstory and yapping on this one followed up by a really sweet moment w him

It's definitely been a few days, I'll probably send different asks because I'll yap a lot lol, let's start with my job, I'm an OF manager, I edit the videos, the pictures, sometimes record the content, I manage the posts, the stories, the PPV, the sells, the lives, answer the texts, literally everything that goes down, I've worked with girls from several countries, but the last few months I worked with two from mine besides my usual girl that I've been working with for like two years now, they have huge platforms, like HUGE, so I said why not? that'll make me good money, boy did I know. One of them didn't work out, she wasn't mean or anything, but she wanted me to work every day from like 7 am to 12 pm for $160 every two weeks while I was making her thousands of dollars so that clearly didn't work out, with the third girl I was making good money, a lot, between all of them I was getting money like every week and a half, I always had money and living the good life, but the third girl was mean af, she always fucked something up and then called me to yell at me and call me names and to tell me to fix it up and that it was my fault (even if I wasn’t even working at the moment) at one point it became unbearable and I said nah we're done, now I'm just working with the usual one, she's an angel and I'm still making a good living.

Anyway, I'm autistic (this all sounds like a whole mess of information but I promise that it'll make sense) so it has never been easy for me to make friends since I was little, someone could be straight up bullying me and I would realize like a month later, and until today it stays the same lmao, but a few years ago I made some friends, never had problems with them, just one girl that we broke contact with like a year ago and she asked for forgiveness this year and everything went back to normal, in that meantime when we weren't talking to her me and the other girl became really close, like always together every single day, in that time my mom got cancer, she passed away a few months ago and even in that she was always there, that night she came to the hospital like at 12 am after my mom passed away for me to not be alone, spent the night at my house and helped me clean it after days on sleeping on the hospital, ordered food, etc, and even after that girl rejoined we stayed the same, I struggle way too much with expressing my affection with words, and she hates physical touch, so I was always giving her gifts to try to express it, we were always going out, exploring new places, having fun and I payed for everything, but when I ended up with just one job I couldn't do that anymore and she magically went back to being close to the other girl, always being at her house, not answering my texts anymore, she magically had money to spend with her but with me she never had any and we literally spent like two months without seeing each other (we live 5 minutes away) but she was always travelling to see the other girl so of course I got sad, felt conflicted because as I said earlier she hasn't been a bad friend, but of course the whole situation was hurting, on top of it I had been under a lot of stress, I had been sick a few days prior, my mom's birthday is coming up in a few days,I had an argument with my brother, my ex from a few years ago was leaking some old pics so yeah I just reached my limit at the time, I was (am) feeling a little used, I tried to talk with her about it but she brushed it off and simply said that I was misunderstanding and went back to keep being like that so I was sad and curled up in a ball for a few days, I didn't even check the phone, nothing, so here finally comes the main part lmao, I wasn't texting him back or asking him to meet or anything

He decided to come knock on my door after a few days, said that he was worried that something had happened to me or that he made something to upset me, when I opened it I was a mess, and as soon as he asked me if something was wrong I cried lol, couldn't even say anything so he just picked me up, closed the door and took me to the couch and sat me on his lap, letting me just cry and hug him, running his hand on my back, rocking me, kissing my head, after a while I finally told him what happened while still sniffling I looked awfulllllllll, he just listened to me, (the problem with my ex magically resolver itself, i’m not planning on asking) kissed my face and told me to go take a warm bath, I did, when I came out he had my favorite food ready, my favorite tv show ready, my favorite snacks, my cats snuggled up on the couch, a bat plushie, I don't even know where he got all that in an hour but I cried again lol, we spent the rest of the day / night together and he slept in for the first time, it was really sweet, we slept cuddled up with my cats, had breakfast together, still feels unreal

putting your other ask underneath the cut that way i can keep it all together for my brain

Now here’s the nasty stuff lol After all of that, that same next day he told me that he rented us an Airbnb on the mountain on a forest that I love for a few days, (I live in a very rural country, there's nature literally everywhere you look, but that forest it's just unreal with waterfalls and everything) Those were the best days of my whole life, the cabin was beautiful, it had a balcony on the room facing a river, it was just amazing, the first days I spent them getting calm and relaxed again, walking with him, watching animals, TV, anything, one of those nights we were kissing and stuff and after a while I was begging him to let me suck him off, I was dying to do that, I wanted to see, to everything, and he finally agreed, that ended up in me learning to deep throat a dick that was the size of my head, crying, a mess of drool, he made me ride his boot while I did it (that was the condition for him to let me) he talked about getting me a collar, of how pretty of a pet I would make, that I was made to just be dotted on and taken care of, that he would do just that, so many things that I can't even remember because my brain was all mush and not a single thought (I don't know how much to elaborate on it because I'm nervous that it'll be too much lmao, what a thing to be nervous about in a smut blog) I begged for him to fuck me but he told me that I wasn't ready for that yet, that he still needed to test my limits a little more, see how far he could go, get me ready for other things, etc, he did fuck my thighs and now I'm scared of fucking bc tell me why that thing reached my belly button, He also made me ride his face which I was terrified of but ended up being heaven, he spanked me, said he wanted to test how much I could take of it since I was begging so much for him to be rough, ended up in me once again crying, shaking, unable to stand from my jelly legs and the pain on them but hey I took it like a champ even if it was hurting like a bitch every single second and I still have bruises, I enjoyed that more than I thought I would and now he's agreeing to be a little rougher with me. When we went back home we went to my apartment to pick up some things that he left there, I was missing my cats so much, my brother had been feeding them and playing with them while I was gone, but tell me why I open the door and one of the little bastards goes straight past me while I'm saying hi to the others and goes to nuzzle on his leg? That was straight up betrayal. But to end this update and besides it, I just wanted to say that I read every single thing that you post and I wish that I could find the words to explain how your works make me feel, every single word that you write simply makes the most ethereal thing I have ever read, just leaves me with my mouth hanging every time, I had no idea that reading something could make me feel the things that are being described, to actually get immersed into it, your dark fics / series are like heaven to me, every single one of your works is, thank you for the simple fact of existing in the same timeline as me (And never be afraid of calling for me for updates, I sometimes forget, but for you I’ll become an entity that you can just summon on your blog every time you want)

--

okay first off, holy shit you've had a lot going on alsdkjf i'm so so sorry to hear about that weird stuff with your friend, situations like that is always so crazy complicated! like you have the right to be upset but you're right it's so hard to like, explain why you're hurting at the same time ): and i'm so sorry to hear about your mom. loss is so insanely difficult to deal with, and it always gets extra heavy around anniversaries like that too but i'm so glad he seemed to notice!!! (we gotta give him like, a code name to call him by or something lmfao) that's so crazy sweet of him to come over and check on you and be there for you, to like, make that effort. to not just be like "oh well she's not messaging me out of the blue fuck her i guess" but to ensure that you were alright )))): also, major green flag that he loves the cats and the cats love him haha.

AS FOR YOUR SECOND ASK-

girlllllll his pet kink is going WILD i fucking love that for you. wanting to collar you and everything oh my god. also, idk if this is just me personally, but it's like such a green flag imo when guys don't wanna have straight up sex right away. like just that anticipation and wanting to get comfortable? idk there's something about it and i love that for you so much. and it sounds like you're figuring out your a masochist a little bit LMFAO ( i get it i'm a bruise kink girly myself too) also don't be worried about like, sharing too much like whatever you are comfortable with of course! but the CATS DARTING PAST YOU oh the traitor. you're stronger than i am, i would've sobbed on the spot. but omg the fact he was like "let's get her out of the house to relax' is so crazy sweet of him ):

and you're crazy sweet ): i'm so glad you enjoy the works and i'm so glad to be able to interact with you like this! i feel like we are just like. sharing our dms with the world or something LMFAO i'm making you my familiar now, you're officially a cat in my mind i'll shake the box of treats to summon you lmfao. but eek! thank you so much for the update. so sorry to hear you were having a shitty time but i'm glad you have someone there to support and care for you (: (truly living your best Y/N dream lmao)

[octuscle]

I really like the transformation of this guy in a professional soccer player! Well I know the feeling to wish for another decision in the past. I work actually as a construction worker because my gf got pregnant in college and I had to earn money quickly. Now we're divorced and I don't think I'm a hero for my son. That would be different if I said 'no' in the past going my way into sports and maybe got draftet in a money-spinning sport. Maybe my son would have a poster with me on it on a wall in his room today if I decided otherwise in the past. I'd like the same program as the other guy - changing my life and my past. I take the risk not becoming a hero but please give me a chance, chronivac support

No problem, you can use the preset as often as you like, that's the least effort. You are now not quite as old as the soccer player, so with an initial age of 36 like yours, the result will be 18 years… Depending on the sport that fate decides on, your career can be almost over or just beginning. 4:00 PM, you just got off work, shall we get right to it?

Boy, I mean, you're not exactly in bad shape. But you've allowed yourself to get a little carried away, haven't you? And the tattoos would look better with less flabby skin. Well, that's going to change. Actually, you wanted to order a pizza while you were scratching your sack. But suddenly you don't feel like it anymore. Instead, you write a message to your gym buddy, with whom you have been training for a few weeks, asking if he spontaneously has time and wants to do a training session. You meet in half an hour at the gym.

The guy at the reception greets you with a fist bump. You've been part of the inventory here for a year. Some people with a fine nose may be bothered by the fact that you don't shower after work before you start training. But nobody can say that you are not a role model in terms of motivation and discipline. A year ago some things were still wobbling on you But now there's hardly any fat left and the muscles are coming really nicely. You also have your life better and better under control. No more alcohol, no more cigarettes. Your alimony checks come on time and are always covered. Even if the mother of your son doesn't want to have contact anymore, your son at least follows you on Instagram. In the meantime, you have a good 2K followers who accompany your transformation. You are proud of that, too.

20:00 o'clock, you two are done. A few more poses in front of the mirror. Four years of hard training have turned you into a model athlete. And with your fitness followers you now make more money than with your job as a construction worker. But you want to be a role model for your son, just being an influencer is not a profession. It takes you an hour to shower, shave your body and trim your beard. When you leave the studio, you want to look good. Even if it's just to go home and cook. You are a domestic person. And besides, it saves money. And you make a live stream out of the cooking, which gives you a few more followers. But it's also a hard job. By the time you've eaten and cleaned up the kitchen, it's already 11:00 pm. And the alarm clock rings at 5:00 am. Time to go to bed. Actually, at 29, when you have a body like yours, you should have more fun in life. But you've been a father for seven years, and that obliges you. With the birth of your son, you've completely turned your life around. Even though you are divorced, you still have a good relationship with your ex-wife. And your son already writes you good-night text messages. Hey, you know people who are worse off!

Your routines include drinking a liter of water before bed. It flushes all the toxins out of your body overnight. Can't be much with your diet, but you like routines. However, this often means that you have to pee again at night. Today so about 02:00 clock. You have to be quiet so as not to wake your wife and son. The little angel breathes regularly. It is nice to hear this sound from the neighboring room while you fall asleep again.

06:00 in the morning. Your wife hits you with the pillow. Like every morning, when you don't turn off your alarm clock after a microsecond. She gets her good morning kiss and you head off to the gym. You're always one of the first of the team to get there. The janitor already knows you. They call you the Swiss clockwork. Always on time, always reliable. Discipline is everything. You have the chance to live out your passion for ice hockey here. You've been on the ice since you were eight years old, and you've been a professional for four years. In Canada. An absolute dream!

10:00 a.m. Press conference. You're just 18 and you've managed to get signed by the London Knights as a European. Your stepping stone into the National Hockey League. Everything is still terribly exciting. But you are a sporting prodigy. And you've spent your whole life preparing for this moment. You speak English and French fluently. Despite the double burden, you skipped a year of school and graduated with honors. And your girlfriend is pregnant. It was not planned. But it happened. And you are both very happy.

The nursery is already furnished. Above the crib a poster of you. You have to expect that you will not see your son for one or two weeks. But he should always have a picture of you in front of his eyes.

[coltermorning]

Wanted: Day One (RDR2 Fanfic, Arthur Morgan x F!Reader, 18+)

Summary: Arthur needs a good take for the gang and decides to go after the bounty on your head.

Author’s Notes: I needed to flesh this one out to get the ending how I liked it so there will be a few chapters. Told from both your and Arthur’s pov and set just before the Blackwater massacre. Also this doesn’t feel like high or low honor Arthur but a good in between so I didn’t tag it.

Tags: Arthur Morgan x reader, eventual smut, enemies to lovers

AO3 Link

~

Wanted: Day One

Word count: 4822

The Van der Linde Gang had come to rely on two things and two things alone: hard work and money. All else came down to that. Dutch could claim it was family, faith, or whatever else he dreamed up all he liked, but Arthur knew better. He knew the bigger their gang grew, the harder it was for anything but those two things to drive them. That that, above all else, was what they needed to stay together and survive. He may have preferred the old ways when it was just the four of them, doing some good here or there, but those days were long gone. Now it was bring in money or die trying. And when Arthur stumbled across a particularly nasty bounty posted on Blackwater’s board, he figured he would have to do just that.

He and Hosea had been scouting out a scam on their own, letting Dutch and the others plan their boat robbery. It was nice working with Hosea—simpler, somehow. The man was sharp enough to make Arthur feel a fool time and again, but he felt he could take a back seat and let Hosea run things, something he normally couldn’t trust others to do well. And with this came an unusual calmness, a sense that he wasn’t doing enough. He always had to be going, running, finding a lead. So, when he rode into town and saw a brand new bounty poster, he couldn’t resist swinging off his horse and seeking it out.

The poster was for a shocking amount of money—a thousand dollars. Stranger still was that it was a lone soul, and that it was a woman. He read on to see the many crimes committed. It was nothing he hadn’t done himself which made him wonder what the price on his head would be. The amount still seemed high to him, but maybe committing as much murder as was mentioned tended to up the stakes. He pocketed the poster and went to mount his horse.

“I’d be careful with that one, mister,” said a voice from the porch of the Sheriff’s. Arthur looked over to see a deputy, a grave expression on his face. “Almost didn’t put that poster back up, how many people she done killed already.” When Arthur didn’t flinch at the threat, the man went on. “They all take that poster down, all as cocksure as you, and none of them’s ever come back. I’d think long and hard on that if I was you.”

“Why put it back up then?”

“We figure someone’s bound to catch her sooner or later. Get lucky more like. You think you’re the man for the job?”

Arthur chuckled. If anyone was, he was. It took a fellow degenerate to smoke one out. “I guess. Against my better judgment,” he mumbled.

“Well good luck then. I tip my hat to you.”

Arthur nodded at the deputy and turned his horse, heading for camp. He would need a few things before he tried his hand at this bounty, namely to tell everyone where he was going so that if he really did get in a bind, they could find him.

Upon reaching camp, Hosea sought him out and told him a few new details about the job they were running. It would be a week still until they could do it—it didn’t hurt to plan as well as they could in the meantime. After settling on that, Arthur made way to his tent to load up on ammunition. He put his bandolier on which drew Dutch’s attention like a moth to flame.

“You look like you’re preparing for war, son. Where’s the fight?”

Arthur pulled the bounty poster out of his satchel and handed it to Dutch. “Real nasty reputation on that one,” he told him. “I ain’t taking no chances.”

“No. Rightfully so.” Dutch finished reading it over and handed it back. “She sounds nice. Hell, may even fit in with our bunch.”

Arthur chuckled. “You ain’t kidding. Too bad she’s worth so much or I’d consider it.”

“You need another gun?”

“No,” Arthur said quickly, knowing this type of outlaw and that having anyone with him would just slow him down.

“Fair enough.” Dutch turned to go back to his tent, sighing as he went. “Good luck then. Do try to make it back in one piece.”

“No promises,” Arthur muttered.

With this, Arthur made for his horse, checking his weapons as he went. All was as in order as it could be, and the only thing remaining was the ride. Arthur mounted up with confidence, knowing what it would mean for the gang to bring in this much money. He would outsmart this bounty target if it took days and all his might to do it.

Barely out of camp, Arthur steeled himself and let determination take over, ready for the fight, ready to unknowingly go after none other than you.

~

Twenty days. It had been twenty days since you last saw a soul—a bounty hunter you’d left dead in the dirt. So far, you had put down five since coming to the wind-worn canyons of Hennigan’s Stead. It was the perfect place to evade capture. There were no trees, no cover for bounty hunters to hide in, nothing but the wide open. Sneaking up on you was not an option, and anyone bold enough to approach you outright would die for it. This was a game of strategy, and strategy was something you were deadly good at. You had booby trapped the paths at your back, sat yourself up at high vantage, and left the rest up to your skill and your sense. All that remained was luck, and with all the preparation, it had leaned in your favor every time.

As you sat at the campfire cleaning your revolver, you pondered how long you would stay here and where you would go next when your horse’s head snapped to attention. You looked to where it looked, down the canyon path below. Nothing and no one was there. It would be difficult for someone to hide there seeing as it was just after noon and the sun and shadows were currently working in your favor. Plus, you didn’t hear a horse—didn’t hear anything for that matter. You chalked it up as one of those gila monsters your mount hated so much and went back to cleaning your weapon. You didn’t completely wave away the threat though. Doing so would be unwise and the very thing to get you caught. You therefore shifted around the fire so that you faced where your horse still looked, rapt with nerves.

Minutes passed by, and the animal went back to standing with its leg cocked and its head bowed. You moved on to your rifle, cleaning it with precision, counting the ticks you had marked into its grain with your knife—one for each man put down. You didn’t ever think that would be something you prided yourself in, but life could certainly harden a woman. Your circumstances had forced you into your wayward nature, and you weren’t ashamed of it a bit. That is, as long as you weren’t caught. Meeting your maker was certainly something you had pushed far down the road, not intending to think about it if you didn’t have to.

Just as you finished with your gun, you heard a rock skitter down the path at your back and whipped around, glad once more for the daylight. The path rounded the corner behind you, so if anyone was around the bend, you wouldn’t be able to see them. You moved silently, flattening against the canyon wall at your back and moving steadily up the path, gun raised. You didn’t know how anyone could have gotten past the lines you had tied across the path farther up, especially not without alerting you. You were beginning to think this was your paranoia at work and that some snake or lizard waited just around the corner when you stepped around it, preparing to shoot.

You brought the gun away from your shoulder when you saw what lay in the path: absolutely nothing. No animal, no bounty hunter, nothing. How the rocks could suddenly start tumbling down the path on their own, you didn’t know. But you were suspicious enough to find out. You raised your gun again and made for your camp when you heard the quiet crunch of rocks underfoot. It could have been your horse shifting its weight, but you weren’t taking any chances. You rounded the corner again and felt your heart skip a beat when your gaze landed on a man standing just behind your horse, patting its neck like it was his own.

“Don’t touch the horse or I kill you where you stand.”

“You would have done that already,” he quipped. “If you could.” You noted he stayed standing just behind your horse, his legs behind its legs, his head behind its neck. Unless you wanted to kill your own horse, you didn’t have a proper shot. Not to mention shooting a gun this close may startle the animal enough for it to get in the way. You cursed yourself for letting this happen and held your gun steady.

“How’d you get up here?”

He chuckled, continuing to pat your horse fondly. It leaned into his touch, unaware of the danger. “Those lines you got drawn across the way reflect the sunlight. May want to reconsider where to put them during the day.”

You narrowed your eyes at his arrogance but pushed on. “Then how’d you get around me?”

“Climbed.” You hated the simple answer, especially for not thinking of it. A man of his height could easily catch the lip of the canyon just above your heads and pull himself up. He had probably watched you walk up the path just as he walked down it one level higher.

“Clever.” It was all you would give him. He was brave for coming here in the day, and it had paid off, as he had avoided your traps. But beyond shooting you where you stood, he didn’t have a way to catch you alive. You would put a bullet in him before it got to that.

“Was that you on the canyon floor?” you asked, stalling. You needed a better plan than what was unfolding now. The only problem was that he got more time to plan too, learning your nerve all the while.

“Yep. Backtracked when I realized you had the high ground.”

“How? You never saw me.”

“Saw the smoke.” He looked at you, one eye barely visible from behind your horse. And damn him for that temptation because your finger was itching to pull the trigger, but you still couldn’t guarantee your horse’s safety. “A word of advice. I know most bounty hunters are too stupid to go after their targets in the daylight, but it has its advantages. Learn to work against them.”

You felt anger rise in your belly at his patronizing tone, like he wasn’t about to try to capture you and have you hanged. “Yeah, well some have tried. They’re all dead.”

“Not all of them,” he said lowly, holding your gaze as he hid like the coward he was. You noticed the pair of guns climbing up his back into the sunlight. A fat load of good they would do him strapped to him. It was the likely sidearm you couldn’t see that worried you. But if he hadn’t shot you yet, he wouldn’t. He wanted you alive, and he must not be a good enough shot to try to disable you. You considered running for the path at your back and killing him when he pursued. In fact, that was looking like your best option when he spoke again. “Don’t think about bolting or I’ll shoot. Just come quietly. Don’t nobody need to get hurt.”

You adjusted your aim, wondering how your horse would react if you shot this man’s hat off his head to prove a point. For the brim of it was nearly all you could see of him, sticking out past the shining coat of your mount. “I’m still debating putting a bullet in you. The horse’ll live.”

“And if you kill it? For pride?”

“Not for pride. For survival. And if I did, I would just go find yours. I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.” That gave you an idea.

On a whim and before he could decipher your plan, you fired near enough but not at him, your gun louder than a cannon in the close quarters and with the resounding echo bounding off the canyon walls. Your horse reared in fear, but instead of lining up a shot on the now coverless man, you were already long gone, rounding the corner as fast as your feet would carry you. You heard him curse behind you and start in hot pursuit.

You ran faster than you ever had and followed the path upward, spotting a lone horse standing up the way. You ducked under the wire you’d planted, careful not to graze it, and turned when you got far enough away. You had spun around just in time to crouch as the man shot straight at your head. Taking you alive didn’t seem to matter anymore, and your aim suddenly became crucial as you raised your gun toward the wire he was nearing and fired right back. He was close enough for you to see his eyes widen in fear when he realized your plan. It was too late for him to do anything about it—the familiar snap of wire resounded, your bullet ripping straight through it. The man leapt backward as your rigged dynamite blew, the explosion louder than anything yet. You prayed your horse was okay but didn’t turn back to see the damage, too busy running for the man’s spooked mount. It was staying in place but only just, prancing as if its tether to this world was nearing its end. You jumped on its back and dug in your spurs hard, only looking back when you were well on your way. You saw enough dust rising to mean you had probably taken out the entire canyon path. You let out a laugh in triumph as you spurred the horse harder and let it fly.

~

Arthur was madder than a hornet and twice as vengeful when he finally got the horse calm enough to mount it. He spurred it hard, rounding the now dangerously narrow path out of the canyon, shooting through the dust clouds still forming. He couldn’t see where you’d gone, partially because of the dust in his eyes and partially because his head was still spinning from a blow to the skull. He knew the warm dampness at his temple was blood but ceased to care as he pursued you, angry with himself for getting close enough to that wire to let it blow him up along with the canyon. At least the horse was unscathed, and it was a good one besides—fast and sure-footed. When he topped the hill, he saw a speck in the distance racing toward the ranch he had passed on the way in. If its unbridled speed was any indication, it was his horse. And he owed the woman atop it a damn killing.

Arthur was at the ranch in no time, searching it up and down for signs of you. He didn’t spot his horse until he reached the other side of town, seeing its familiar coat flash in the sunlight as his mood soured further—it had no rider. He demanded the person nearest to explain what had happened. It was a boy worried sick about his new horse that had just been stolen.

“Was it a woman?” Arthur demanded as he dismounted, preferring his own horse.

“Yes, but…well, she was dressed funny.”

“What color’s the horse?”

“A bay, sir. Are you gonna bring it back?”

Arthur was already riding away when the boy finished his question. He hit the path and flew, pushing his horse hard. Once he had a better vantage, he spotted you. And what a sight you made as he felt the satisfaction of victory overcome him, knowing he would have you captured soon enough. For the horse you had taken liberty to must have been green—it was bucking higher than any he had seen before, snapping in half in its attempt to get you off its back. He had to hand it to you though, you were sticking to its back like you had grown straight out of it when he finally caught up to you. He got his lasso out and was setting his sights on you when you noticed him.

“Forward, damn it!” you yelled at the animal. Then, “Leave me alone you bastard! Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Arthur laughed at this. If it weren’t for the stunt you had pulled in the canyon, he may have even admitted he liked your daring.

He began swinging the lasso above his head, readying it with a big enough loop to go over your shoulders. He would need your arms trapped with no chance of reaching the gun at your hip. When the horse came down again, as stationary as it would ever be, he threw the rope. It went straight over your head. As the horse bucked, Arthur pulled hard, separating you from the animal with enough force that you wouldn’t fall underneath it and be trampled. The horse continued its bucking but moved away, far enough for Arthur to dismount and run to you. He flipped you over, noting your joining with the ground had knocked the breath out of you. Good. It was easier to work when his target wasn’t throwing insults left and right.

You let out a strangled cough, looking over to the horse still bucking like mad. Arthur smiled and continued his work, tying your hands tight behind your back. “You know, I reckon you nearly had that horse broke.”

You didn’t respond, still heaving in breaths. Arthur moved on to your feet, tying them just as tight.

“Shouldn’t have switched. You’d taken mine and you’d be on your way to freedom by now.”

“Screw you,” you said on an outward breath, falling into a fit of coughing after you managed the words.

He smirked and double checked his work before taking your gun from your hip and your rifle from your side—it had fallen away from you when you came off the horse. When he had both secured, he lifted you, making you grunt when he slung you over his shoulder. “You’re coming with me. Got a sheriff in Blackwater who wants to meet you.” When you didn’t respond to the jab, he lowered his tone. “And if you ever try to pull another stunt like the one in the canyon, you’re a dead woman. Mark my words.” There was still no response when he lifted you onto the back of his horse. He sighed in annoyance and made sure you still had a pulse. You did—your silence was just formed from spite, it seemed. He’d certainly seen it before, though he couldn’t say he expected it from you. All he knew of you so far was the fight you had in you, and if he had his guess, he would have thought you’d be kicking and screaming for your freedom by now. But maybe he was wrong. Or maybe you were planning something worse and he would have to kill you after all.

Arthur got on his horse, proud of his work despite the brief interruption in his pursuit. Leaving the bucking horse to tire itself out, he made way for Blackwater, thinking if he made good enough time, he’d get there by nightfall. That boy could get his own horse as far as he was concerned, especially since it was only down the road a ways. Arthur couldn’t risk letting you escape again besides.

It was only when he had gotten about an hour down the path and nearly into West Elizabeth that you spoke. “You leave my horse back at that ranch?”

Arthur had been rather enjoying the silence and serenity of the ride and let his annoyance be known. “Yes. And don’t start. I don’t wanna hear it.”

After a beat, in a tone more statement than question, you said, “You’re taking me to Blackwater?”

“No, I’m just in the habit of tying folk to the back of my horse for a joy ride. Of course I’m taking you to Blackwater. What the hell you think this is?”

You mumbled something Arthur couldn’t decipher, though your tone was bitter enough for him to take a good guess.

“Excuse me?” Arthur turned to look at you, wanting you to say it to his face.

You met his eye, and he saw the defiance in your gaze fade as soon as you saw the dried blood in his hairline. You barked a laugh instead. “That canyon rock get you good? That why you’re in such a pitiful temper?”

“Watch your mouth,” he snapped. “I can still bring you in dead you know, and dead’s a whole hell of a lot easier on me.”

“You won’t,” you shot back. “You want all that money for yourself. Greedy bastard.”

“You keep it up and I won’t give a damn either way.”

“Yeah you will,” you mumbled, nearly low enough for him not to hear. But he did hear, and he was growing tired of listening to you—tired of being in your presence. The money would feel much better in his possession than you would. With that thought and without another word, Arthur kicked his horse up into a lope, determined to get you off his hands as soon as possible. It only took two more insults of yours for him to knock you out cold in the meantime.

After long enough that his back was sore and his horse was sweating, Arthur watched the town of Blackwater come into view. It was already dark but hadn’t been for long. That was no matter—the sheriff would be right pleased with himself to have you in his jail cell no matter the hour. So, with a long breath born of fatigue, Arthur pointed his horse toward town.

He had barely crossed into Blackwater when he heard an almighty commotion from a nearby bush, the sound so sudden his horse jerked away from it. He looked behind him and found you gone. Arthur roared his anger and swung down with gun in hand, gaining on the bush when he saw you leap out the other side of it, hopping along with your feet still tied together. He would have laughed if he weren’t so angry, the sight downright ridiculous. He holstered his gun and retrieved his lasso once more, letting you make it a ways before he roped you just for the sake of crushing your hope further. As soon as the rope fell over you, you hit the ground like you had before, grunting in pain when your back met the dirt.

“What exactly was your plan?” Arthur said with amusement as he gathered the rope’s slack and stood over you.

You met his eyes with a hatred so deep he changed course.

“Don’t go looking at me like that. You made your bed, and now you’re gonna lie in it. Ain’t my fault it happened this way.”

“I thought you said you’d kill me. Or was that all talk?” you snapped. He understood then. You’d been escaping in the hopes that he’d shoot you dead then and there.

“What, are you scared of a little law? Of a noose around your neck? How is me killing you now any different?”

“It ain’t about-” You stopped and clamped your mouth shut tight in defiance. Not understanding this, Arthur ignored it and picked you up once more, throwing you over his shoulder.

“I’m walking you in this time. No funny business or your head’ll meet the back end of my gun.”

“I’m staring at the back end of something else right now and contemplating ending it all myself.”

“Very funny. Now shut it. That’s the last warning I’m giving you.”

You stayed mercifully quiet as Arthur carried you all the way to the Sheriff’s, his horse following dutifully behind. He somewhat expected the same deputy from before to be there, shocked that he had been successful. In fact, he was expecting something of a hero’s welcome but was met instead by a dark, quiet jailhouse. He looked around, dropping you on the ground but not leaving your side. He wasn’t foolish enough to let someone else steal the prize he had nearly lost his head to capture.

“Sheriff’s gone,” came a voice from Arthur’s right. He looked over to see a man leaning against the building, cigarette burning lowly in the darkness.

“Where’d he go?”

“He and his whole outfit’s been tasked with transporting them Portriss Brothers up north. Won’t be back for five days, he said. Would be longer, but he don’t trust this town to remain civil.” The man chuckled. “I don’t blame him. It only takes a minute for this whole place to turn to hell, no matter how civilized folk claim to be.”

Arthur ran a hand down his face. It was hard enough to keep you tied up for an evening. Five days was another story.

“Who you got there?” the man asked.

Arthur looked down at you, debating whether or not to tell him who you were. It was likely someone would try to steal you off him if he did.

“Girl I caught stealing horses,” he murmured, turning toward the direction of camp and wondering whether he should take you there.

He heard a laugh at his feet and looked to you, seeing the snide smile on your face and realizing what it was for. He reached for his gun to give you a quick blow to the head, but before he could, you beat him to the chase. “Name’s Y/N Y/L/N, fella.”

“The one whose posters have been up for months now?” the man responded, an excitement in his voice Arthur didn’t care for.

“That’s the one,” you answered. Arthur looked down and met your eye, deciding not to use his sidearm. He brought his boot down on your ribs instead. Hard. At contact, you let out a loud grunt of pain and rolled onto your side, your teeth gritted.

The man spoke again, his excitement making his voice louder and louder. “She’s worth what, a thousand or so?”

Arthur took a long breath. The goddamn things he got himself into. He pointed his gun at the stranger. “Keep your voice down and don’t tell nobody about this. Or I will find you, and I will kill you. Is that clear?”

The man threw his hands up. “I didn’t mean nothing by it. Honest.”

“Get going,” Arthur threatened, not flinching in his hold on the gun.

The man was smart enough to round the corner without another word. Arthur took in his surroundings, making sure no one else was around to hear just who he had tied at his feet. He didn’t see a soul and quickly holstered his gun before picking you up.

“Bastard,” you gritted out. He may have broken a rib or two with that kick if your pain was any indication.

“You deserved it,” he shot back. He threw you over his horse once more and mounted, deciding camp would have to do for the few days the law was gone. “I’m taking you with me until the sheriff gets back.”

“How kind,” you spat. Arthur thought he could hear a smile in your voice despite the venom in those words. It made him angry, and he decided then and there these five days would be hell for you. There would be no chances for escape, no getting a rise out of gang members. No, you would be spending five days tied to a tree with nothing but your guilty conscience as company. It wouldn’t be long until you were begging him for food and water besides, and he fully intended to use that to his advantage.

Arthur began forming a plan as he got closer to camp, wondering how long it would take to get you to crack. He was particularly skilled in doing so, and if he was lucky, he would be successful in fewer days than it took for those lawmen to make it back. If he was really lucky, he would have complete silence out of you in no time. Arthur grinned at the thought as he rode on, the night pushing in on all sides.

_________

Part two is here.

[jay-zzz87]

Lumity and B!Lumity fluff

Warning, there is implied smut. Not actual, just implied through jokes. Also it's only with Betas cuz they're 18. Anyways I lowkey kind miss doing writing prompts.

Luz: Amityyyyyyy

Luz is standing outside Amity's balcony with a bouquet of flowers for her awesome girlfriend.

Luz: I'm ready for our daaaate!

Suddenly the door swung open and a taller figure came out. It was Amelia, Amity's oldest sister.

Luz: Oh, hi Amelia

Amelia: Hello Luz

While Amelia is definitely intimidating given that she's taller, older, and has an attitude, she still has a sweet spot for Luz given her circumstances and how happy she makes Amity.

Luz: I'm here to take Amity out on a date

Amelia: She's inside getting ready

Luz: Ok, I'll wait

There's silence for a brief moment until Luz starts up again.

Luz: How are Ed and Em?

Amelia rolls her eyes.

Amelia: As annoying as ever.

Luz lets out a nervous laugh: Hehe....siblings

Then, she looks at the flowers she got Amity.

Amelia sighs: How's your sister?

Luz looks up: Lucia?

Amelia, sarcastically: What, you got another sister I don't know about?

Luz: N-No, I-I um....she's good. She's just at home....doing stuff

Amelia: Doing what?

Amelia wants to know but is hoping that she doesn't sound too interested.

Luz: I don't know. Watching oracle or something?

Amelia: Hmm....ok

There's a moment of silence again until Amity comes out of the room to the balcony.

Amity: Hey batata

Luz can't help but stare at how beautiful her girlfriend looks.

Luz: Whoa

Amity blushes: You like it? Amelia helped me pick it out

Luz: You look amazing amor

Luz quickly goes up to Amity and gives her a hug. When they seperate, Amity notices the bouquet in Luz's hand.

Amity: Ooo, are those for me?

Luz sheepishly laughs: Yeah, I picked them out myself.

Amity: They're beautiful love

Suddenly, Amelia clears her thoat loudly to imply she's still around.

Amity gets annoyed and tolls her eyes.

Amity : Really? You don't have to be here

Amelia, sly: I don't have to cover for you. I can always tell mom about your batata

Amity growls but Luz holds her hand to calm her down.

Luz: C'mon amor. Let's just get on with our date.

Amity: Yeah, ok

Luz summons Owlbert and they both get on and fly away. Amelia scoffs as she's a little irritated that her little sister would talk to her that way. Especially since she's covering her and could easily get her into trouble with their mother if she wanted to. Although there is a part of her that's is proud of her for sticking up for herself. She won't deny that it is definitely something Amity needs to work on. In the meantime while they're gone, she's gonna have a bit of fun. She summons her staff and flies to the owl house.

Lucia is on the couch sleeping her ass off. The previous night left her drained from having to complete a bounty just so she can get Luz enough money to atleast afford a nice restaurant to take Amity. Lucia usually doesn't care about Luz and Amity's relationship, but she does care about Luz. That was enough to help out Luz to get some snails. After that, she immediately went to bed and knocked out.

Amelia arrived to the house and was immediately greeted by the bird tube.

Hooty: Hello!

Amelia: Titan! Don't scare me like that!

Hooty retreat back to the door

Hooty: But that's my job! Anyways, Lucia is inside and sleeping! Thou shall not- ow!

Amelia kicked the door open to force herself in, then shut it. She can here Hooty on the other side complaining.

Amelia: Titan he's annoying

Lucia is suddenly awake with a line of saliva on her cheek.

Amelia: Hey

Lucia looks around and lets her eyes adjust before landing them on Amelia.

Lucia: Oh hey. What brings you here?

She does a quick stretch.

Amelia: I got bored

Lucia: Oh, sucks

Lucia lays back down. Amelia grabs one of the pillows and hits her with it.

Lucia: Hey!

Amelia: Asshole

Lucia sits up: Profanity

Amelia: Shut up. You spit shit all the time. And it's not like your sister is here.

Lucia: Ok ok. Chill girl

Lucia rubs her face.

Lucia: What do you want?

Amelia: I just wanna do something

Lucia: ....well it better not be me cuz I'm tired as fuck

Amelia hits her again

Amelia: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT STUPID!

Lucia couldn't help but laugh.

Amelia: You're such a child

Lucia: If I'm a child, then you're a pedo-

Amelia hits her again, this time repeatedly.

Lucia grabs the pillow and pulls it away.

Luz: Ya, I'll stop Ames

Amelia rolls her eyes: Whatever

Lucia grabs her waist and pulls her close.

Lucia: Don't whatever me baby

Amelia and Lucia have been dating for a while. They definitely dated after Amity and Luz got together but had relations before then. Eventually they fell for eachother and Lucia took out Amelia for a date. Amelia made it clear if they dated it had to be kept a secret. She's afraid of her mom and ex knowing. She knows that Lucia's life would be on the line if they ever found out. Lucia claims that she's not afraid and could take them on, but Amelia wants to be safe. She can't stand the thought of losing someone that actually cares for her for who she is and not her popularity.

Amelia pushes Lucia away.

Amelia: Not here stupid

Lucia lets go and giggles. She loves seeing Amelia get nervous and mad. It's really cute to her. Almost reminds her of a mad cat.

Lucia: Ok. You wanna go somewhere else?

Amelia: Yeah. Did you have something in mind?

Lucia: Not really. Like I said, I'm tired.

Amelia: We can go to your room and.....I don't know, cuddle.

Lucia: ....yeah sure. Lets go

They get up and go to the upstairs room. Lucia gets the sleeping bag comfy for them. Amelia is aware of the situation Lucia and Luz are in. There are times where she wishes she could just give them a bed since it's not much to her, but Lucia is stubborn and always wants to earn everything. She managed to get one for Luz so at least she doesn't have to suffer due to Lucia's ideals. Lucia lays on the bag and Amelia lays on top of her. Lucia holds her and kisses her head. Amelia has her head on Lucia's chest. She likes hearing Lucia's heart beat. It's very calming to her for some reason.

Lucia: Did you wanna do something later?

Amelia: Maybe, if you're ok with it.

Lucia: Yeah baby, I don't mind. I just wanna rest a bit first

Amelia looks up at her

Amelia: Ok babe

Lucia pecks her lips and rubs her waist. Amelia couldn't be happier that she's with Lucia. She wants them to be public just so they can at least hold hands all the time, but she can't risk anything. She needs Lucia and Luz to be safe, no matter what.

One day

[thislovintime]

Photo 1 by Gene Trindl/Alamy Stock Photo, photo 2 by Gabe Palacio/ImageDirect.

“I won’t go nearly so far as to say that everything that came up in the 60’s was valid, but as far as I’m concerned, the 60’s were to what will come as Greece was to democracy. Remember that in the 60’s the political officeholders had lost all touch with the needs of the nation…kind of like the Bush administration now. Back then the voice of the establishment, Life magazine, was discovered to have doctored photos falsely indicating that LSD caused chromosomal damage. That proved what we (then) kids already knew: that those at the top preached fair play and honesty, but had no more need to honor those concepts than what would give them the next dollar without too much trouble. We saw perfectly clearly that we were on our own, that no one in authority cared about us. Now, like any bunch of kids left to their own devices, some, many, went off the rails. Every false step by somebody walking around under the cloak of the liberal hippy 60’s was used as a pretext for dissing the entire generation. Those of us who were truly interested in liberty, fraternity and equality, however, knew we were onto something good and real. What had been called democracy was, and to some extent still is, a pretext for wrapping the will of the greedy and aggressive in a mantle of public acquiescence. Now, the business of wresting power away from those who make a specialty of wielding it will be a long and protracted struggle, with a lot of setbacks along the way. The outlines of the new style of governance are only dimly perceivable, and won’t become clear for a long time to come. In the meantime, our job is to practice the principles of fairness and service to the extent possible. One thing is clear: there is a much higher joy in service than there is in acquisition of wealth. (Remember that it isn’t money that’s the root of all evil, it’s the love of money.) Hanging together in brother - and sisterhood is so happy-making you want to sing right out loud. Yeah, I feel the same about those ideas as I did then…in case you couldn’t tell. heheheh, Peter” - Ask Peter Tork

“I believe very much in all that I believed in back in the 60’s. I hope I’m more aware of the practicalities than I was then, but I am positive that the values and principles I held then are critical to the well-being of the planet, or at the very least, critical to growth and contentment in the population. As to the practicalities: the chance of no more war in our lifetimes is so close to zero that I don’t imagine it possible, tho’ there well may be progress along these lines. May be. Sometimes I see the world as an eternal horse race between salvation and dissolution, now one, and now the other gaining the lead. But to the extent that we can learn, each and all of us, that the cooperative good is good for the greatest individual good (with safeguards, to be sure), that forgiveness is the route to true inner peace, and that not everything we deem wrong or bad may be so, to that extent hassles of all shapes, sizes and colors will diminish. I am so sure of all this that I would, I hope, be willing to bet my life on these principles.” - Peter, Ask Peter Tork (x / x)

[lemoncrushh]

a sad little life update...

hi friends. I know Tumblr isn't always the best place to post about personal shit, but I feel the need to let some things out, and if you wondered why I've been MIA...

a few weeks ago, I got fired from my job. it was a sucky job, I didn't really like it, but it was close to where I live and it had health insurance. I'd only been there since January. the ironic thing is it was a mental health treatment center. but the owner didn't give a shit about the mental health of his own employees. he just wanted to make money. I ended up sending a long email about how I felt working there and what I was unhappy with (I won't go into those details here). a week later the HR lady told me they were letting me go. not the boss. not my supervisor. nobody else talked to me.

in the meantime (actually the day before), I had reconnected through Facebook with an old high school boyfriend. we exchanged numbers and chatted every day. he had been going through his own shit, but had a new outlook on life, positivity and all that. so he told me he wanted to help me. he lives three hours from me, and he even offered to let me live with him and get a job there. so anyway, he invited me to come visit for a weekend, and I was so excited. although we both agreed not to have any expectations (just see how it goes), we flirted all the time. for the first time in a really long time, I was feeling happy.

when I got to his place, I didn't notice the change at first. but that night he pretty much rejected me. we kissed, but he said we shouldn't "do anything reckless." I was like what?? I let it go because I knew he was tired (he works nights and had been killing it all week). the next day, although he wasn't really standoffish, I kept getting the feeling he was entering the friend zone. that night, he rejected me again (gave me some lame friend excuse), and I cried my eyes out. the next morning he asked if we were okay, but I told him I didn't know. honestly, I couldn't even look at him knowing he didn't want me. so I left. I cried almost the whole way home.

he'd told me to text him when I got home, so I did. but he didn't reply. I kept texting him, but I got nothing. when I finally heard from him, he said he was "giving me space". I told him I didn't want space, I wanted to talk. I couldn't tell if he was angry at me for leaving, or at himself for rejecting me, but I think it's the latter. we had even had a discussion at his place about how I hate when guys ghost me. but that's exactly what he's doing. he told me he was "attracted to my heart and my mind", something about my potential. That was over a week ago. Last Wednesday is the last time I heard from him. I'd asked him what I could do to make things better. he said to let him finish his day and catch up on what I wrote. he has not texted me since, even though I've sent a few more messages.

I feel so pathetic. if it was just some random guy, I probably would have just shaken it off and moved on. but because we had history, and because he'd seemed so adamant (and excited) about helping me, I just feel so lost and confused. my heart hurts so bad. some days are worse than others. today was the worst because I went back and read some of our old conversations. how could he say those things and then take it all back?

when he knew me before, I barely weighed 100 pounds. I have gained another 80 since then. I told him I was fat. he argued I wasn't. but I think once he saw me in person he was disappointed. he was probably trying to let me down easy, hoping we could still be friends. but it ended up biting him in the ass because I got upset and called him on it. he's choosing to ignore me rather than admit the truth because then he'd be the asshole. that is the only explanation that makes any kind of sense to me.

anyway, sorry for the rambling. in the meantime, I'm still living at my ex's house, still trying to find a job. I'm still waiting for my bankruptcy to be filed (just a couple things left to do, but it's taking forever), and I have no money.

because of all this shit, I have had no motivation to do any writing, or even reading. I'm so sorry. I just can't even bring myself to think about it.

rejection seems to be following me everywhere. in my teens, I was always rejected by guys I liked because I was a virgin and they didn't wanna be my first. when I finally found someone, he rejected me a week later to go back to his ex. my own ex husband didn't wanna marry me at first. now that I'm older, men don't want me because of my age or my body. I get rejected for jobs because I don't have a four year degree or the experience they want or I'm too old. I've never been anyone's favorite. never been anyone's first choice.

I had really hoped this old boyfriend connection was kismet. that we had come full circle and were supposed to help each other (even though I never believed in that sort of thing before). I'm so heartbroken :(. it hurts.

[newpathwrites]

Series Masterlist Main Masterlist

Chapter 1 - The Vows

"Just open your eyes... please... The anticipation might kill me before we even accomplish the task at hand," he murmured with a small hint of humor mixed with a healthy dose of desperation.

"Okay, okay...", you whispered resolutely and opened your eyes - which promptly filled with wonder as you looked upon your beloved partner's face for the first time.

Summary: You and Din have problems, and a marriage of convenience could solve them all.

Notes: This first chapter sets the stage for the nature of the relationship Din and Cyar’ika (unnamed original female character) already have after working together for several years and explains why they’ve decided to marry in the first place.

Warnings: Vague sexual references.

Read on AO3

———————————————————————

"So what's got you so riled up?  You looked like you wanted to murder those trees you were using for target practice," Fennec asked, taking another swig of spotchka.

  "Just letting off some steam.  I got a holo yesterday from my sister's lawyer saying that she'll be keeping my share of our mother's inheritance.  Apparently the will specified I had to be married to receive any money.  Those credits would have helped us out significantly.  The ship is need of a few expensive repairs."

  "So you intended to share the money with Mando, then?" Fennec teased.

  "Of course.  We're business partners, and a broken ship is bad for business."

 ———————————————————————

  You and Din had been partners going on five years.  You met not long after he'd given up his foundling to the Jedi, him shipless and you running low enough on credits in the absence of legitimate guild work that you had started skimping on essentials... like food and water.  While you both nursed your wounds in a seedy cantina in Tattooine, you hatched a temporary business plan.  You could take bigger jobs working together and split the rewards.  You'd let him stay in your ship, and he would get you back on your feet credit-wise in the meantime, having pocketed a decent share of the reward on Moff Gideon.

  While you'd been nervous to go into such a partnership with a man you barely knew, especially given your single bunk situation, Din proved to be an excellent roommate.  Always respectful, never overstepping.

  In turn, you had made him feel at home, allowing full run of the ship, never treating him like a tenant but as a partner.  And further, you fully respected his creed, always mindful to give him privacy, even making a habit of facing away from him in the bunk so that he could remove his helmet to sleep if he wanted.  And eventually, he trusted you enough to do so.

  You found that you greatly enjoyed each others' company, and respect eventually transformed into friendship and true affection over shared jobs and shared dinner conversations, always through the cockpit door, of course.  And just like that, your temporary business arrangement became a partnership going on five standard years.  As far as you both were concerned, this was now a permanent arrangement, and neither of you had any inclination to part ways.

———————————————————————

  Din eventually joined you and Fennec at the table.  "Hey, I was just talking to Karga's legal contact.  Unfortunately, it sounds like you're stuck. Very little can be done with the marriage clause written into the will like that.  I'm sorry."

  "It's all right.  Thanks for looking into it, Din."  You pat his shoulder as you stood and walked off to the restrooms.

  "So, Mando," Fennec cut in, "I see you still have that darksaber clipped to your belt.  Bo-Katan still hasn't come for you?"

  "Oh, she came for me all right..." he deadpanned, "with a marriage proposal."

  Fennec nearly choked on her drink, "What???"

  "Yup.  Since I won't fight, she wants me to marry her so that she can rightfully rule Mandalore as my spouse."

  "You're not going to take her up on it, are you?"

  "No, of course not.  I'm not that stupid.  She'll get me close and kill me so that she can wield the darksaber herself.  Besides, I'm not eager to marry someone I dislike as much I do her.  And I have no desire to leave my partner.  The problem is she just won't take no for an answer."  He added, hilariously mocking Bo-Katan, "Unless you're already married, Mando, I don't see how this is a problem."

  As you rejoined the table, Fennec looked between the two of you with a knowing smirk.  "The solution to both of your problems is pretty obvious, isn't it?" she said with a chuckle.  "You live and work together, enjoy each others' company, and have no intention of parting ways.  You already share a bunk, so it would be believable... kriff, the entire palace already thinks you're a couple. Why don't you two just get married?  Nothing would change except a piece of paper that would solve all of your problems."

  "Like a marriage of convenience?" You looked at Fennec who nodded and then turned to face your partner. "Din, that could actually work.  I don't really care so much about the inheritance, but you can't do what Bo-Katan is asking of you - you'd be miserable and probably wind up dead; and you know she won't ever let it go.  This way we can stay together at least."

  "No," he replied gruffly and got up and walked out the door without even a glance in your direction.

———————————————————————

  You found him later in the cockpit, just where you expected him to be, sitting in the pilot's seat double and triple checking the mech's calculations.  While you blew off steam with a blaster, Din preferred... math...

  You approached slowly, but with heavy footsteps to announce your arrival, and placed a hand gently on his shoulder.

  "Din..." you started, nudging his shoulder to encourage him to look at you.  "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have presumed that you'd want to marry me just to avoid marrying Bo-Katan.  It was an overstep, and I apologize.  Please forgive me."

  He finally turned to face you fully and gestured for you to sit across from him.  "No, it's not that.  I never imagined I'd marry at all, but if there's anyone I wouldn't mind being chained to for life, it's definitely you.  I plan to spend the rest of my life on this ship with you, anyway, if you'll let me.  But what about you?  I couldn't live with myself knowing you might miss out on someone who could make you happy because you were already tied to me.  You deserve so much better than that."

  Taking both of his hands in yours, you reassured him gently.  "Din, I am happy, and I have no plans to ever kick you out of our ship.  Besides, I'm in my 40s.  Don't you think I'd have married the 'love of my life' by now if I was meant to find such a person? I'd much rather marry you if it will keep you here with me."

  His posture shifted, and it seemed you may have managed to convince him.  "And nothing would change?  A platonic marriage?  You're really okay with that?  I need to know you're really sure."

  You nodded.  "I'm sure," you said with resolve.

  He let out a long breath, "Okay... thank you, cyar'ika."

———————————————————————

  "So what does marriage entail for your people?" he asked.

  "A short set of vows, a single kiss to seal the union, and that's it.  Quick and easy."

  "Sounds simple enough.  Mandalorian bonding ceremonies are usually private.  We each recite the vows, and then... uhhh..." he faltered as if he'd just remembered something important and looked to the floor.  You waited patiently for him to continue and lifted his chin with your finger when he didn't, giving him a small nod to finish his statement.  "And then... and then I remove my helmet."

  "Oh," you gasped, audibly. "Din, are you really sure about this?"

  "If you are - yes, I'm sure."  He sounded confident in that statement, at least.

  But then a thought hit you unbidden that instilled ice in your veins.  You looked away from his gaze and awkwardly asked the question that had suddenly found you frozen in fear.

  "Do Mandalorian marriages..." you started a bit shakily, "require a consummation?"  He didn't say anything for several moments, and you felt like your heart might beat straight out of your chest.

  "... No consummation required...  And in your culture?" he asked.

  Your words wouldn't come to you, so you simply shook your head from side to side before releasing your breath and centering yourself once again, safe in the knowledge that this would not be expected.

  "Okay, then... ready???"

———————————————————————

  You each recited the marriage vows outlined in your respective cultures, hands clasped together, another symbol of union among your people.  You had never imagined being married at all, and doing so in such an untraditional manner was surreal, though, you thought with amusement, oddly fitting. You were both silent a moment afterward, recognizing the gravity of the words you'd spoken to each other, when you noticed Din was subtly shaking.

  At first you thought he might be laughing, which seemed odd given the situation, and were alarmed to realize he was actually trembling from head to toe.  Oh, Din... You brought your forehead to rest against his own in a gesture of comfort.  "You don't have to do this if you don't want to..."

  "No, I do... I'm just nervous.  I don't know why - I trust you more than anyone else."

  "Nobody would ever know if we didn't complete the ritual..."

  "No, we would know, and it wouldn't be honorable to shirk our customs.  I'll be fine once we get past this part."

  His beskar-covered forehead moved away from yours as he untangled your hands to lift his own up to each side of his helmet.  He paused only a moment before he began lifting it from his head, hands visibly shaking.

  First, a stubbled chin.  Then, a mouth.  This was what you already knew of his face, having seen him occasionally lift the helmet to eat or drink when no privacy was available.   As his cheeks and nose began to appear, though, you squeezed your eyes shut.  Seeing more felt wrong somehow.  And that's how he found you once the helmet was lifted fully from his head.

  He let out a slightly annoyed huff, "Why are your eyes closed? Seeing me is the whole point."

  "I'm sorry - it's just that the helmet has been your face to me for so long that it's hard to imagine anything else.  I'm afraid that you'll feel like a stranger."  You paused a moment in thought.  "Tell me a little about what you look like?"

  A familiar but tremulous sigh filled your ears, "Uhhh....  well, my hair is brown, maybe a bit more gray than yours.  My eyes are brown, too."  He paused.  "Does that help?"

  "May I touch your face?  Having something tangible to anchor in my mind might make the whole thing a bit less... shocking... for lack of a better word.  I'm sorry that I'm making this so difficult - I know this is stressful enough for you already," you added quietly.

  He slowly lifted your hands, which had been sitting on his chestplate, up to his neck and allowed them to rest there.

  "Go ahead..."

  A mental image began to form as your hands trailed softly over his face and into his hair.  This was definitely helping, and you hoped the gentle touch might also serve to relax his nerves, but the trembling only worsened.

  "Just open your eyes... please... The anticipation might kill me before we even accomplish the task at hand," he murmured with a small hint of humor mixed with a healthy dose of desperation.

  "Okay, okay...", you whispered resolutely and opened your eyes - which promptly filled with wonder as you looked upon your beloved partner's face for the first time. He was so handsome, and to your relief, still felt like your Din and not some stranger who'd taken his place.

  "Say something...". His brow furrowed with anxiety.

  You cupped his cheek and said, smiling, "Hey, partner... I don't know if anyone has ever told you, but you are quite good-looking."

  He let out the breath he'd been holding with an amused huff, his shaking limbs finally calming. "No, I can honestly say that nobody has ever said that to me before." And then the corners of his mouth turned upward, and a gorgeous smile graced his features, evidence that your chronically grumpy mandalorian was not unhappy with this whole situation.

  But then as quickly as it appeared, that smile transformed into a grimace as his face flushed, "This is embarrassing... I've never actually... kissed anyone before - you know, because of the helmet... You'll have to take the lead on this because I have no idea what to do."

  The poor man had already suffered enough while you took your sweet time adjusting to the idea of seeing his face.  The least you could do was make this last part quick and painless for him.  So you took advantage of his downward gaze, swiftly grabbing both sides of his head and pressing your lips to his, taking him completely by surprise.  He froze, eyes wide as you pulled away, and you had to suppress a chuckle at his expense.

  "There, now it's done.  And you didn't die of anticipation."  At last, his shoulders finally moved away from his ears, though the aftershock remained clearly written on his face.  "Sorry for doing that without any warning, but I figured it would be best for your nerves to 'rip off the bandage' so to speak.  Are you all right?"

  He let out a long puff of air and finally relaxed fully.  "Yeah, I'm okay... this was just a lot at once.  So, I guess we're married now, huh?"  His face changed again, a new look filled with emotion that you hadn't yet seen on him, and he took both your hands in his.  "Thank you for doing this for me.  I don't know how to adequately express my gratitude."

  "No need for gratitude.  You're helping me, too, and there's nobody I'd rather chain myself to for life than you," you added with humor, repeating his own words.  "Thank you, Din."  You squeezed his hands to emphasize your point and let them go.  "Why don't I make us some dinner - and for once we can really share a meal together... I mean, if you want to.  I don't expect you to keep the helmet off around me if that's not what you want..." you added, wincing at your own words.  You hoped he would, but you had no expectations.  His creed was very much a part of him, and you would never ask him to sacrifice it for you, technically married or not.

  "No, it's okay.  I'm looking forward to sharing a meal with you properly.  I'll go set a course to Nevarro and come back down so we can eat together.  I was thinking Karga might be able to help us with the paperwork to make everything official.  You'll probably need documentation for that lawyer."

  You nodded in agreement, relieved that he was acting like himself again.  "Okay, good idea.  I'll yell up when the food is ready."  As you rattled about the small kitchen area making dinner, you couldn't help the anxiety that began to bubble up in your stomach.  You had agreed to a platonic union, a marriage of convenience, and neither culture demanded consummation.  But what if he still expected it?  What would happen when you both settled into the bunk you shared tonight?  He was still a man after all, albeit one who had never made a single advance in the five years you'd been working and living together.  You trusted him completely not to proceed with anything without your full and enthusiastic consent, but the awkwardness of a failed pairing in your shared bed would be unbearable.

Luckily, your nerves calmed considerably as you ate together, sharing your typical, amicable conversation, no hint of proposition, and you settled comfortably again into your usual routine as if nothing had changed between you besides the knowledge of his face.

———————————————————————

  But as you both settled into the bunk that night, he suddenly turned his body to face you, lifting himself up on one arm and positioning himself at your side.  Oh, no!  Your mind clouded with dread.  He didn't seem to notice in the darkened room as he leaned over to rest his forehead against yours, noses touching and one hand cupping the side of your face. But then he whispered, emotion clear in his voice, "Thank you, cyar'ika. I know you said no gratitude was necessary, but I don't ever want to lose what we have together if I can help it, especially not for her sake. I'd choose you a thousand times over."  You felt warm lips press lightly to your cheek, and then he moved away, settling into his usual position facing the wall, an ingrained habit meant to prevent you from seeing his face if you accidentally turned in the night.

  The dread that had taken hold of your heart instantly melted away.  You understood clearly now that your anxiety about this hypothetical situation had simply been a defense mechanism borne of your prior experiences.  You loved and trusted this man with all of your heart and knew he felt the same.  Of course, he would never impose himself on you.  Your breathing evened out, and you settled comfortably into slumber next to your partner, your family, your closest friend.  You had nothing to fear with him.  You reached over to squeeze his shoulder as you whispered, "You're welcome, Din.  I don't want to lose you, either."

———————————————————————

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 2

[mcalhenwrites]

I was lamenting to a friend about how little I had read this year (compared to how much I wanted to). They mentioned that I was doing my best while juggling two jobs - which led to me adding that I work more than that. On top of self-publishing and my receptionist job, I do take art commissions and I sell amigurumi at events (hate that for me). I'm also going to be working at the dog treat bakery when it shows more profit. (Not a matter of "if" but "when" here, and that's likely within the next couple of months.) Then I pointed out that... I have read 90 books this year so far. It is actually 91, and almost half of them are manga/comics while the other half are novels.

A ton of the books I have read come from libraries, which still is good for authors! And it is very good for the libraries to show traffic. :) I have purchased some or been gifted books this year. I decided to take a photo of the ones I know I've gotten this year, though I can't tell you if they're all here. I remember buying two of these as a reward for publishing Geckos. Hahaha. I'm saving for a car, but sometimes it's nice to reward myself with a book every paycheck, if I feel like I can get away with it.

Oh, and I bought Reverie on kindle for $2 bc it was on sale and I had just started my new job, so I thought it would be an acceptable treat at that price. (Ryan La Sala posted about the sale and I was like, "Oh, I liked The Honeys! I should read that!") I'm really sad that I can't do more. When I was whining, I was partially upset bc I had hoped to catch up with reading online as well. I haven't been that great at keeping up with AO3. I have browser bookmarks of things I want to read just stacked up. There are some authors on tumblr I want to catch up with. I can tell you right now that I love Lily Mayne's stuff and wish I could buy the entire Monstrous series in one go instead of every few months or so with no idea when I'll get the next. I'd love to have more manga, esp if it stops getting published! (Too burned by the past on that one, now I fret about how many I probably will never own and aren't at libraries to read.) So yeah, anyway. I do want to be better! But I did move twice (states and then apartments) and acquire a job and do a ton of other things, I'm trying really hard to stay afloat financially. BTW... NOT buying a book every paycheck might save money in the long run, but is still isn't enough to buy a fucking car or a house, and I'd like to better tolerate my life in the 3000 years it would take for me to save for either one of those. And right now, I'm shifting more toward reading library books and avoiding any purchases of books to save a little. I haven't bought a book in... the last month or so? I'll be so happy when I'm finally secure enough to not just buy books from all the authors I love but afford to always preorder (this is very good for authors!) and gift friends books!!! And commission artists for all sorts of things! And buy prints! I'm gonna give all the love I can! (And in the meantime... if anyone wants to buy my books... hahaha... It would go for a car right now, not books, but hey, maybe if I sold 1000 copies of Geckos, I could also splurge on a nice box of books and hold a giveaway.)

[allhailthegodofbugs]

Brimley Necrosafari to Close After 55 Years in Business Citing Budget, Safety Concerns

Brimley California – July 22, 2023.  The beloved and sometimes controversial Brimley Necrosafari is set to close this September due to difficulties maintaining the park and the creatures, according to long-time Necrodirector Peter Bhurghg. “We tried everything we could, but the pandemic regulations wiped us out. ‘Oh you’re spreading plague,’ they said. Ridiculous. Unless you’re talking about the Plague Draken, which does bring every disease.”

Although the Necrosafari is mainly held outdoors, patrons would sleep in enclosed luxury tents and spend evenings enjoying a formal dinner and sharing stories of the hunt over cigars and Tombwine. Some say Necrodirector Peter Bhurghg’s refusal to alter the model led to difficulties. “He’s an old school guy, in the sense that he has existed since the 1300s,” said one mysterious floating oracular head, who wished to remain anonymous. “We talked about maybe sharing stories through Zoom instead, or doing the formal dinners outdoors, but he just wasn’t having it.”

Amid repeated refusals to follow Covid 19 regulations, the Brimley Necrosafari found itself with legal bills piling up and fewer state and federal grants than normal. “They had money for ‘public health’ but they don’t have money for Luxury deathabomination trophy hunting? What is happening to America? What is happening to the American Nightmare?” Howled Bhurghg.

“Dream,” he added. “I meant American Dream.”

But budget considerations were only part of the puzzle, according to the Extremely Reasonably Concerned Parents Association. “We’ve had sixteen people die on the Necrosafari in the last month, three of them children,” said Ruth Baker, local parent. “Beheaded by the Scythe Thing, eaten by Skull Mantises, gored by the NECROBOAR. It’s absurdly dangerous. They don’t even have path markers, and you have to get your own silver, large-bore ammunition, which leaves people vulnerable to fakes.”

Indeed, infamous local entrepreneur Walborg Shrupe was forced to pay a fine of 15,000 dollars after a protracted and contentious trial last year after it was revealed his bullets were not pure silver, but merely brass with a silver-colored spray paint. “Caveat emptor,” he famously said, before paying his fine in pennies and disappearing to the Philippines in a solid gold helicopter.

“The whole community still bears scars from that trial,” said district attorney Kate Vance. “When will the Scar Curse end?”

“Yes, we’ve had a few deaths,” Peter Bhurghg admitted. “But they were all the results of patrons failing to follow sensible precautions.” He then tore his face-meat asunder, revealing his true undead form and shot scarlet lightning bolts from his fingertips.

“If you can’t hire a haruspex to tell your omens before the hunt – stay home!” He went on to say. “It’s simple!”

Some Brimley residents expressed regret over the decision. “I think it’s sad,” remarked mayor Janet Vimmmmm. “I used to go to the Necrosafari when I was a child. I bagged my first wraith when I was seven. Shame about Great-Uncle Walter though.”

Others have voiced displeasure that the already difficult local job market may soon be flooded with former park employees. “Can you imagine the Scythe Thing working as a cashier at Bath and Body Works?” said Lila Cohen, local ne’er do well. “I can. I have nightmares about it.”

In the meantime, the Black Cloth Society has announced a blood drive to save the park. “We will be collecting blood,” said Society President Balrock Rune. “Keep your doors unlocked.”

“It’s the end of an era,” said a relieved Ruth Baker. “A dark era, full of terrors.”

The Brimley Necrosafari will close on September 30, 2023. In the meantime, they have announced that spots are still available at a discount for their May Hunt. As ever, patrons are required to bring their own large caliber weapons, silver bullets, rune charms, and napalm-salt explosives. Tickets are “first come, first serve.” Discounts are available for children and seniors. For more information, call 1-800 DEAD ONES or follow the Brimley Necrosafari account on Twitter at RealActualNecrosafari@twitter.com.

[beauty-and-passion]

What am I currently doing?

What am I even doing? Am I dead? Have I left the fandom?

The answers are writing, no and no.

The long answers are:

What am I doing?

First I collected all answers from the survey for the fanwriting of Sanders Sides Season 3 (aka Fanders Sides Season 3). I checked them all and planned what to do. I already wrote a post with all the details, so I won’t spoil too much here: everything will be explained in due time.

I also finished the analyses of the remaining episodes.

And in the last weeks, I’ve started writing Fanders Sides Season 3. Today I finished the first 9 episodes which ideally close my first “arc” of the season finale. One third (more or less) is done.

However, these things should still be reviewed and proofread and I can do it only after I finish writing the whole FSS3. So for now it’s just a good draft.

Am I dead?

Eurovision 2023 almost killed me and the aftermath left me crushed. It has been a couple of terrible weeks and I managed to get out of them, only after a while - and after the true winner got back on his feet.

In the meantime, my job contract ended and the company did not renew it. Why? Oh, no idea. They need a person and yet, they decided to fire one they spent 6 months training for that role. The bullshit they told me was “there is no money”, which is ridiculous coming from a growing gas and oil company.

The truth is probably that the heads of administration are complete idiots and have no idea about the situation. The place I worked for is a branch of the company and the administration center for the whole Italian division of said company.

When I started working there, the administration office was down to three people (they had retired) and they really, REALLY needed help. I did my best and, thanks to my and another person’s help, the workload was reduced.

So, since now things are somehow normal, they told me that hey, the problem is solved. Which proves they have no idea how an administration works, because reducing the workload now doesn’t mean the workload is reduced forever.

And even though they do not know that, my colleagues do. And they’re all pissed. They protested and did everything, so... who knows?

In the meantime, I decided to try another route, which means teaching. I am currently studying to take a few exams and, hopefully, get into a course. If a company calls me, I will ponder the decision, but in the meantime, I’m focusing on my studies.

And writing, of course. Always writing.

Heck, this sudden change in my life gave me somehow the idea I was looking for for 10 years. I don’t know how, but I just... thought about it, wrote down a couple of things and bam, in less than one hour I had a working plot. Just like that. As if I haven’t spent YEARS thinking about how to make that fucking plot work. But that’s another story I will probably explain one day.

Have I left the fandom?

Of course I haven’t left the fandom, I’m writing FSS3!

And even after that, I will still keep an eye on Sanders Sides, waiting for the faithful day in which Mr. Sanders will finally decide to work on the season 2 finale. I will post other stuff too and other analyses I’ve planned long ago, but one part of me will still wait for the next update.

However, since FSS3 might take a while, I would like to start posting the episode analyses. But I’m also on a writing spree for FSS3 and I don’t want to lose the momentum by shifting my attention to something else.

So the answer is that, for now, I probably won’t post anything. The analyses should be proofread first, but I’m writing now and I don’t want to lose the moment. I will keep going on with FSS3 until I’ve finished it, then I will start proofreading and once an analysis will be ready, I will post it.

So if you’re still following me, please wait a little bit longer. If I start something, I finish it. All you need is just a bit of patience.

In the meantime, of course, you can ask me for updates, details or anything else. It might take me some time to reply or I wouldn’t be able to tell you everything, but I will try my best as always.

And, of course, thank you all for your time and your patience 💖

[cutiedwaekki]

Greedy

or were for an investigation , Changbin must infiltrate one of the largest mafia of Korea in order to obtain information on the suppliers but also the leader of this gang . Who would have thought that it was not only his mafia that was big

/!\ Although this is only mentioned I want to put a trigger warning on the subjects such as firearms, death or even drugs. Despite this I feel that this is still SFW although it remains fetish content with wg content of course /!\

Despite that I hope you will appreciate it since it's one of my longest fic i ever wrote <3

— — — — ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ — — — —

Seo Changbin, 23 years old and a recent graduate of the Seoul Police Academy. So far everything seems to be going well for the young cop, he loved his job so it's obvious that when he was given the case n°143 about a drug dealer caught in the most powerful mafia network in the country, his superiors decided that he would go undercover to find out something else and take him down.

So far the only information they had on this gang was that they were called "Wolfgang" and that they were led by a man named CB97, until now no one has managed to get any information on him. All we knew about this CB97 was that he was born in 1997 and that he managed every branch of his gang, whether it was arms trafficking that was sent to the other side of the country, sometimes even to Australia, or drugs or money laundering. In short, he was involved in everything, although Jeongin, one of Changbin's colleagues, used to say, "In the meantime, he's not hurting anyone, so that's good enough." It was a silly thing to say, but he wasn't wrong, at least as far as they knew.

The testimonies painted CB97 as cold, power-hungry and insatiable. And physically, each description changed, some said he was tall, muscular, with curly blond hair. Others said he was dark, had a scar on his eye and was small. In reality, no one knew anything about him and that's what Changbin was going to try to find out by going undercover.

- - - ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ - - - -

-"Are you there? If Yeonjun told us the truth, a guy should be coming to see you in a few minutes" Jeongin repeated from the other end of the phone

-"Okay I got it, I'm going to try again I think someone's coming" replied the brunette with a serene look

-"No worries, good luck hyung!" Encouraged the youngest before Changbin shook his head and put his phone in his pocket. He was sitting at a table in an American style restaurant, he knew it well, he sometimes ate there when he was having his cheat meal.

He didn't have to wait long for someone to come and sit at his table. And let's just say that the brunette was not really expecting this kind of person to face him.

It was a man, medium height (at least taller than him), curly brown hair (at least he assumed so because he was wearing a cap), dressed entirely in black and quite chubby, at least enough to sit down out of breath and have to catch his breath before speaking.

-"Are you Dong-Seok? It's funny we already told you that you look like the actor?" Asked his interlocutor before snickering highlighting his dimples.

One thing is sure in another context, Changbin would have found it cute but it was not the moment to think about it !

-"Yes, that's me. And yeah a friend of mine likes to compare me to him because we have the same name," Changbin replied, snickering as he mentally cursed Jeongin for giving him such a name.

-"Fine, you can call me Chan, I'm here to determine if you'd make a good member of the gang! So Yeonjun told me that you were interested in joining the gang, can I know your motives? You know it's pretty dangerous, it's not something to do just because it's fun or you need the money," began Chan as Changbin just wanted to laugh. How dare he say that when he seemed too pure and generous to be part of a gang and the biggest in the country?

-"Oh yeah, I know all that, but... I just feel good about it. You know the adrenaline of waking up and wondering what the day is going to be like."

-"So you like adrenaline? Like me it's perfect! I feel like we're made for each other!"

And so it went on for a long time, Changbin understood what it was like to be questioned and honestly it's more fun to ask questions than to answer them.

Then, after an umpteenth question, he started to ask him about the gang or the leader but Chan always managed to get around the question with brilliance.

In the end a waiter came to their table and asked them what they wanted to order, after all they were in a restaurant.

-"Oh yes, I'll have a classic dinner with a tray of finger foods, chicken wings with bbq sauce and a double cheeseburger please. How about you Dong-Seok?"

-"Hm... Just a burger is fine".

So once their order was taken the waiter walked away leaving the young men alone again. Suddenly Chan laughed, making Changbin wonder as he looked at him confused. "I'm sorry, it's just that you must think I'm weird, after all I know I don't look like a mobster or a smuggler, but I like to eat so much! I'm sure if I ate less I could look like you" Chan added more shyly then Changbin formed an o with his mouth visibly still confused by this sudden confession, they had just met and now he was confessing this to her?

-"Don't say that, you're fine as you are! You know I like to eat too so let's just enjoy this meal. After all why waste calories on things we don't like?"

-"You I feel I adore you already" finally added Chan with a semblance of a smirk, he was definitely hiding something maks Changbin didn't know what.

- - - -˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ - - - -

Later the meal arrived and obviously compared to his simple burger, Chan had a real feast while everything that was put on the table was for him, at least he was not afraid to show his greed.

And then the more time passed and the less the questions turned around the gang, certain Changbin tried to ask questions maks as Chan avoided them all they had to add nothing at the risk of devoiler its cover. So they talked more about mundane things like their favorite ice cream flavor or their favorite cartoons as children. This discussion seemed very childish but from Chan's expression it seemed that he needed this to soften his mind, after all he must surely see atrocious things in his daily life so if he could help him he would. In less than an hour he had managed to reach his heart to the point that Changbin was already thinking of a way to help him get out of the gang so he could live away from all those atrocities.

So the meal went on and consisted of Changbin watching Chan eat all that food, leaving not a single crumb before slumping into his seat, his hands resting on his bloated belly as he breathed heavily, complaining that he shouldn't have eaten too much.

Anyway, this harmless meal came to an end and Chan decided to pay while Changbin still seemed quite confused by what had just happened.

-"I don't want to take up too much of your time Dong-Seok, I guess your girlfriend or someone is waiting for you."

-"No, no, there's no one, plus I had a good time, I must admit that I didn't imagine it like this."

Chan chuckled before standing up and facing the brunette before looking at him with a smile "And yet you've done wonderfully, I'll talk about you to the boss he could find a role in the gang" he said with a wink

-"Really?" Seo asked intrigued.

-"Yes, you are interesting, physically you could be useful and then you are really cute so there is no reason that the boss refuses."

-"Haha stop it, you're making me blush" he said scratching the back of his neck as his ears began to blush

So the two stood up and greeted each other with a simple hug as if they had been friends for years. But before leaving Chan approached him, he took another step forward and brought his face close to him, there was only a thin space separating their two faces, Changbin closed his eyes and what was to happen happened...

-"See you next officer Seo Changbin" Chan whispered before walking away determined leaving Changbin even more shocked that he thought they could have kissed at first but also: How did he get his real identity?

- - - - ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ - - - -

3 months , it had been three months since he had infiltrated the "Wolfgang" gang and so far everything was going relatively well. In fact since that incident at the restaurant Chan had really talked to his boss who decided to hire Changbin as Chan's personal bodyguard , he supposed he must have played an important role to need a bodyguard. Despite this, the oldest had never told him that he knew his real identity, although he did call him "Binnie" and used awkward pick-up lines, seemingly trying to flirt with him awkwardly.

Not that he wasn't receptive to it, on the contrary he was even affectionate with him at times although he tried to keep his tough guy image although he was actually as soft as a marshmallow.

Unfortunately due to the fact that he had to follow Chan 24/7 he couldn't see in depth what the gang was like or get any names as the oldest stayed pretty much shut up about it and preferred to take Changbin to restaurants to try out various specialties.

And then not having a choice he had to eat, sure it was good and he was enjoying it, but the fact that he was always watching and following Chan, not having had any real moment where he had to use force until now had made the policeman put on a little weight, enough that his belly became softer and started to hang out of his pants while the rest of his once muscular body was covered with a thick layer of fat.

-"No Chan... I can't anymore" he said as he barely managed to finish his dessert, today he had taken it from a buffet and as it was quite expensive Changbin wanted to get his money's worth and had decided to eat more than normal so Chan had brought them both various desserts

-"Come on a little effort, I will help you"

-"Thank's, I wasn't going to finish-" he was cut off by a spoon gently pushed into his mouth making him yelp, he thought Chan was going to help him by eating his dessert not by making him eat it!

And yet that's what he did, the cake was quickly finished after a few mouthfuls thanks to Chan's help making him slump on his seat sighing, hands on his bloated belly as he breathed heavily complaining that he shouldn't have eaten too much.

Wait- he felt like he'd been through this before.

-"You're starting to looks like me Binnie ~ Mafia's life is making you soft" teased Chan as his hand rested on the younger man's belly and he patted it affectionately.

-"I wonder how you'll be able to defend yourself if you can't get through a door" Chan whispered in his ear, making the brunette blush again, surprised by his words.

-"Speak for yourself, you're the one big enough to get stuck in a door, I'm not!" He retorted determinedly but honestly, with his new chubby cheek and the few chocolate streaks around his mouth, he didn't look serious or like a guard who had to protect someone

-"Not yet Binnie, it will be soon"

- - - - ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ - - - -

Today he was finally going to participate in the criminal life of the gang, a delivery of fake money was planned at the port of Incheon, of course Changbin had warned his team that would be ready to intercept the merchandise and hope to stop criminals to ask them for information on the gang and their leader because after eight months of infiltration the only thing they have collected is Changbin having doubled his weight and become more lazy than ever. He who used to be able to spend long hours in the gym could not run for long without running out of breath. One would think that Chan would too, but he had lost weight and looked more like Changbin eight months ago, although he continued to go out to restaurants with him and always encouraged him to try new things, perhaps if he was more attentive Changbin would have seen that he had become the one who ate the most while Chan was content with simple dishes or pastries.

But let's get back to the point.

-"It's 10:27 p.m., the boat will arrive in thirteen minutes, be ready," Chan said with a pen in hand, noting in his notebook the information about this delivery. God, Changbin found him so attractive right now, finally in the last few months he had discovered a real attraction to him, and although it never went beyond flirting or teasing, but he loved the relationship.

So everyone prepared to welcome the cargo, as planned the boat arrived later and they were several to unload while Chan noted everything at the side of Changbin who remained at his side "for his safety".

-"Well done it looks like we're all set to take this back to base and-" "Seoul Police put your hands up!"

Everything was interrupted as dozens of police cars arrived, followed by armed policemen in bulletproof vests. Everything seemed to be going wrong for them and yet Chan just smiled and closed his notebook before adding, "You're early, that's great," surprising many of the people around him, but Changbin was sure that he had left no information about the intervention.

The rest was quite violent, the gang members and the policemen were shooting at each other while Chan just ran away quietly when no one was looking, even Changbin was surprised not to see him at his side.

He didn't want to let him get away so he chased him as best he could until he saw him trying to escape on a boat!

-"Chan stop! It can end differently you know!" He exclaimed as he waddled towards him before ending up completely out of breath.

-"Binnie it's sweet that you're trying to catch me, but come on the evidence, you and the police lost and you got fooled"

-"W-what? What do you mean by that?"

-"Oh come on look at you! Do you think this is normal? Seriously I love you but be smarter!"

Be smarter? What did I mean by that? And that's when it clicked in his mind. That's when Changbin realized something that had never occurred to him in eight months even though it was in front of him every day: this was a trap he had walked right into.

-"So ... you are ..."

-"CB97? Yeah, that's me. Well, the mafia life exhausts me so I planned all this plan to find a way to escape, Bambam will pretend to be the boss of the gang while I'll have a good time in Australia! It went much faster as soon as you arrived, Yeonjun told me that the police were going to put you as a spy in my gang to infiltrate it so I decided to amuse him a bit and it went better than I expected!"

Changbin was meanwhile stunned, he would handle this news badly, he felt like betrayed by the one he loved and even more stupid to have left him without knowing what will be his next move

And yet he still didn't know his next move because as he was on the verge of tears, Chan got out of his boat and came to kiss him, it wasn't a simple kiss like they had been having but a real one, a passionate one full of love, the kind you see in TV shows. It seemed like an eternity and as soon as it ended Changbin wanted more.

But that happiness was short-lived as he saw policemen running towards them to grab Chan and shouting at Changbin to get him back.

-" But be sure of one thing, my feelings for you are true, so either you get on that boat with me and we'll both live away from this. Or you can join you collegues and try to stop me and live the life of a cop that you've always dreamed of.

The choice was hard to make, after all that Changbin did not know what to choose, his career or pursue a relationship with a criminal? And yet it wasn't long before he made his decision.

- - - - _ˋ ୨୧ ˊ_ - - - -

-"Changbin-ah why are your cheeks so soft? Seriously I envy them" Seungmin exclaimed as he pinched his elder's cheeks under Jisung's amused look "Hey I have soft cheeks too!" He repeated with a pout.

In three year so many things had happened that it was impossible to list them all without going on for hours. But Changbin had made a choice that was hard but worth it to him.

He had chosen love, he had chosen Chan, and now they were living peacefully together in Sydney and had an apartment across from Bondi Beach. After three years, love won out, although it took many months before Changbin trusted Chan again. But it was worth it and the ring on his finger proved that he had made the right choice.

He had everything he had ever wanted, love, tranquility and happiness, although it was accompanied by a growing overweight, but having Chan snuggling up to him every day and cuddling him like a teddy bear made him feel confident about his body, which he did not fail to proudly show off at the beach, or at least he did not fail to hide it, after all how could he hide a double belly hanging over his thick thighs in a pair of swim shorts that became a tight egg on him every day?

it was odd that he likes it but that's what made his life so exciting, he liked it like he liked his life with Chan

- - - - _ˋ ୨୧ ˊ_ - - - -

There's something hot about officer!Changbin gaining weight TwT

[abigail-pent]

some pros and cons of the academia choice:

PROS:

I am just starting to feel like part of an academic community of people in my subfield. I really like that feeling. It makes me really happy.

I really like to teach, and I know I have already been the kind of teacher who has helped students feel confident when they would not otherwise have done so. It's rare in economics to have someone in a professorial position who has struggled in the ways that I have; and I think it has made me particularly empathetic towards students who don't initially see themselves as math people, as well as students who suffer from exam anxiety and lack of a growth mindset. On average -- or even at like, the 90th percentile -- the kind of person who usually persists to this level does not have these qualities. So I really think I could be beneficial to the students I hope to teach.

I could design my own courses! And that makes me really excited to do! Like I've already started to sketch out a course in my niche subfield, which would be -- I think -- the very first of its kind in an econ department, and it just makes me grin all goofy and shit.

I've really enjoyed the reaction to my JMP. I really like this topic. I want to keep working on it. I keep coming up with new ideas and while I don't expect they'll all work, I do think this is a fruitful research agenda and I'm feeling really glad to call it my own.

I'm actually kind of a good presenter? Being a former theater kid pays off. It helps with the teaching too.

You do get large swaths of time that you can more or less spend where/how you want.

I absolutely hated working for a corporation. It felt circular and monotonous and pointless in a way that academic work never does. Academic work feels like a kind of a bumpy spiral. You have the same landmarks every year -- semesters, conferences -- but they hit different every time. And I've been many things, but I've never been bored.

CONS:

The research process is like... very much an emotional rollercoaster. When it's good it's very, very good. When it's bad, there's nothing worse. (But not every job weights research more than teaching.)

Based on where my academic interviews are so far, it seems like only a couple of them are in places where I would want to live. (And two of those are more academia-adjacent than actual academic jobs. So the teaching stuff that makes me happy would not be part of those gigs.) Though of course I could try again in a couple years, and do more of a targeted search. But in the meantime I am not going to pretend I have not been crying like every other day since I realized I shouldn't be waiting to get an interview offer from a school in [redacted city] anymore.

The money is all right, but is it enough to compensate for all the emotional work you have to do to keep your self-worth from being eaten by your job? That amount does not exist!

I thought I would feel like less of an idiot by now. Maybe this is a Dunning-Krueger thing. I hope it is. Because I still feel like an idiot like 99% of the time.

[insert all the complaints about structural problems of academia here! including the ones that are about college towns more or less being company towns; including the ways colleges and universities are extremely exploitative employers to like, everybody; including the ways economics in particular is shitty to women and to POC; like the culture is toxic, no two ways about it!]

[drunkonaheistinspace]

forgotten birthdays and expensive slaps

originally published: November 23rd, 2019

reworked: December 3rd, 2023

Pairing: Illinois x gn!Reader

Rating: General Audience

Tags: fluff, friendship, can be read as platonic

You did not know why you were still following this idiot into life-threatening situations.

Okay, you actually knew it. You just had nothing better to do and he was dumb enough to offer you a job. Other than that, you pretty much had a crush on him. Well, who wouldn’t? He was handsome, educated and a real-life version of Indiana Jones. Only with more muscle.

You expected it to be one of those days when you risk your lives for an antique artifact. But something was different.

Your flight was without any turbulence, Illinois wasn’t involved in any bar fights, and you were not hunted by any criminal organization. But the strangest thing was yet to come. You saw Illinois O'Connell without his precious hat, which he usually did not take off either while sleeping or while showering.

But now he was standing in front of you. Hair neatly combed back and dressed in a suit. This sight was unfamiliar. A pig walking on two legs looked righter than whatever this was.

"Illi? Are you all, right? Should I call a doctor?" You asked anxiously as you continue to mentally process his sight.

The adventurer just looked at you confused. "A doctor? What are you talking about?"

Instead of answering, you simply point to his suit with a look that was a mixture of confusion, astonishment, and horror.

Still confused, he looked down to find the reason for your strange behavior. It took him a moment to understand what you meant.

"Oh, the suit!"

Well, that had taken surprisingly long.

"I go to an auction and as much as I love my hat and my outfit, I thought it would be more appropriate to stick to the dress code," said the adventurer, as he straightened his bow tie.

An auction? If he makes himself so fancy, then it would have to be an auction for the higher social class. In short, the complete opposite of you. But that made you wonder.

You knew he had money. How else would he finance all the travels and give you a generous paycheck every month? But you never really thought about how much money he really had. Let alone how he earned it!

It was completely impossible that your adventures could finance all this, because after all you did not even know what he did with all the stuff you find. Does he donate it to a museum? Does he sell it? Does he keep it? If he keeps it, then where? Does he even have a permanent residence? Where does he come from? So many questions and hardly any answers.

You've known him for almost two years, but you knew so little about him. You did not even know his last name after four months.

This man was an Enigma and that made him even more attractive! If that was even possible.

"What kind of auction?" You asked curiously, as you could not imagine any sort of auction that Illinois would go to.

"An art collector died last month and now his family is auctioning off his collection."

"Art collectors? Since when have you been interested in art? "

You never had the impression that he was a fan of anything that would be classified as ‘modern art’. The only art he seemed interested in was those whose ages were in the triple digits and started at least seven. Or the art which he saw every time in the mirror.

"I do not," he admitted. "I know from a safe source that he has collected valuable paintings as well as some ancient artifacts. I hope to find something special for my collection. "

So, he has a collection. Will he show it to you if you ask nicely?

"And what do I do in the meantime?" You ask. He certainly had a job that you could do during this time.

"Well, you come with me, of course!" He said with a smile. "You are my partner after all!"

It surprised you to hear that he actually intended to take you along. After all, he knew very well that you did not know how to behave at such events, and they would easily recognize you as an outsider.

In fact, the thought of going there made you pretty scared. More scared than that one time Illinois and you were hunted by a bunch of mutant monkeys on lions. The difference was not in the nature of the danger, but in the fact that if you had died back then, then at least you have died the hero's death. At the auction you will most likely die of embarrassment.

"But ... so you know ... well ... I do not really ... have the right ... um ... the right thing to wear! Yes! I just have my usual stuff with me and none of that would fit into such an event! "

You hoped that this excuse helped, because you could not think of anything better. That was not even a lie. You never expected that your boss would ever go to such events and therefore packed only things that are comfortable and robust. You were for climbing a mountain, hiking in the forest and even for a sudden blizzard equipped, but not for an evening with rich people!

Illinois gave you just one of his charming smiles that made you melt each time.

"Do not worry, partner. I've already taken care of everything. "

Before you could understand what, he meant by that, you found yourself in the auction room. You were driven here in a chic limousine, and you probably wore your annual salary in the form of a very simple, but unspeakably comfortable outfit.

The auction was quiet.

So quiet that it bored you.

It started with the countless paintings the deceased had collected over many years. There were some interesting pieces here and there, but you were not interested in buying them.

After almost two hours, the artifacts passed over. For ordinary citizens, these would have been very interesting, but you had already seen better. Not all that was of any value to you, and you were starting to get frustrated. A look at your partner told you that he felt the same way.

You were so bored after a time that you became more and more tired and now sat in your chair half asleep. You've just heard that a ring of unknown origin was presented, and you did not think much of it. You had yourself a bunch of rings lying around that you collected during your adventures. They served as a small investment. You could sell them anytime you needed money.

You were about to fall asleep when Illinois suddenly raised his hand to bid, which startled you so much that you almost fell off your chair.

Suddenly you were wide awake, and you tried to understand what was happening at that moment.

The bid jumped moment by moment from a three-digit amount to a five-digit amount and seemed to have no end. Finally, the adventurer bought the ring for half a million and you just sat there. Shocked and confused. But mostly shocked.

Someone needed to have a small talk with this man about responsible money management!

You waited outside when your boss paid and hoped he did not really carry that much money on him. But who knows?

When he came out, you wanted to confront him about the ring, but your heart stopped momentarily, and you did not get a single word out when he took your hand and put the ring on your finger.

"Happy Birthday, partner!" Was the only thing he said.

It was your birthday? The constant traveling and the following jetlag fucked with your perception of time, which meant that you never knew what day or month it was. There is also the slight chance that this also led to you forgetting that you even had a birthday in the first place.

But now you stood there. Completely perplexed and with a ring on the finger, which could finance your pension without any problems. You did not think when you raised your hand and slapped him. Only then did you realize that you had just struck your own boss with half a million. This thought was both surreal and quite satisfying.

"What was that for?!" he asked, holding his aching cheek.

"Take a fucking guess!"

You're waving your hand in front of his face as clue, but also as a kind of warning that you're always ready to give him one more slap.

"I thought you would like it!"

"I would have loved flowers or a card! Even a cup of coffee would have been enough!"

You take a deep breath and try to calm down a bit. "What I mean is that you should not spend so much money on me. If you want to throw me half a mill, then at least in the form of my paycheck! "

Illinois looked like a beaten puppy, and you regret having raised your hand and your voice against him. You have never experienced him so hurt.

"Forgive me. I should have asked you first ..." he said in a low voice. You feel terrible. "It's just that you survived the longest of all my partners. I just do not want you to change your mind and leave me."

You already knew the story of his other partners. That was pretty much the first one he ever told you.

"I won’t leave you," you said after a long pause, which made him look surprised. "If someone told me five years ago that I would travel around the world and voluntarily collect ancient artefacts from caves and the like, I would have laughed at them. But this is my life now and I love my job because it allows me to see the world and experience everything. And apart from that, I have the best boss in the world!"

A smile bloomed on his face, and you could not help but kiss him on the cheek, causing him to blush.

You smile at him again before you turn away. "But now we are looking for a restaurant! The birthday child is hungry!" You exclaim, as you started walking.

Illinois laughed before running after you.

[thislovintime]

A few more selections from the Ask Peter Tork advice column:

Dear Peter! I have a problem with my volume in choir. My director is always telling me to sing louder, but I’m afraid of not sounding good/messing up, so I tend to veer away from singing out. I just don’t want to mess up. I was wondering, do you know of any good ways to squash that perfectionist side of me? Bay, 13

Dear Bay, Yeah. Sing out loud, mess up a bunch and laugh right out loud at yourself. Also, check out the others in choir. Any of them singing worse than you would? Yes? I thought so. OK, then. Singing well at a new volume level takes a bit of practice, tho’, and you might want to warn your director and everyone around you that it may take a bit of time before you are singing loudly and well. BTW, there will be no squashing sides of oneself on my watch, no suppressing the perfectionist. Rather celebrate another side of yourself, the lovable imperfect side, and let the perfectionist side be. That side has her virtues, too, and can be a good friend sometimes. Keep rockin’, Peter

* * *

If you want to hear from someone who’s older than you, you’ve come to the right place. That ‘Don’t quit before the miracle,’ which of course is not remotely original with me, is maybe one of the best general advises I have. (Can that be the plural of ‘advice’? ) Another, which kind of is a bit more original with me, is, ‘Be a hero to yourself.’ By that I mean, regard your life’s story in the same light as those tales of Greek and Roman heroes, who were born to kings and queens and found their lives dashed down to humble circumstances, and who redeemed their lives thru heroic deeds (with a lot of help). Those heroic stories, it turns out, are everybody’s stories, and it’s deeply useful, I am convinced, to regard ourselves as that kind of hero. Hang in there, and don’t quit just before the miracle. Peter

* * *

I won't go nearly so far as to say that everything that came up in the 60's was valid, but as far as I'm concerned, the 60's were to what will come as Greece was to democracy. Remember that in the 60's the political officeholders had lost all touch with the needs of the nation...kind of like the Bush administration now.  Back then the voice of the establishment, Life magazine, was discovered to have doctored photos falsely indicating that LSD caused chromosomal damage. That proved what we (then) kids already knew: that those at the top preached fair play and honesty, but had no more need to honor those concepts than what would give them the next dollar without too much trouble. We saw perfectly clearly that we were on our own, that no one in authority cared about us. Now, like any bunch of kids left to their own devices, some, many, went off the rails. Every false step by somebody walking around under the cloak of the liberal hippy 60's was used as a pretext for dissing the entire generation. Those of us who were truly interested in liberty, fraternity and equality, however, knew we were onto something good and real. What had been called democracy was, and to some extent still is, a pretext for wrapping the will of the greedy and aggressive in a mantle of public acquiescence. Now, the business of wresting power away from those who make a specialty of wielding it will be a long and protracted struggle, with a lot of setbacks along the way. The outlines of the new style of governance are only dimly perceivable, and won't become clear for a long time to come. In the meantime, our job is to practice the principles of fairness and service to the extent possible. One thing is clear: there is a much higher joy in service than there is in acquisition of wealth. (Remember that it isn't money that's the root of all evil, it's the love of money.)  Hanging together in brother - and sisterhood is so happy-making you want to sing right out loud.

Yeah, I feel the same about those ideas as I did then...in case you couldn't tell. heheheh, Peter

More advice from Peter here and here. Plus, with it being February 12th, and thus the anniversary of Peter's appearance on Loveline (on this date in 1995), here are a few snippets: one, two, and three.