#i would say i can finally be a casual enjoyer but i still dont think thats 100% accurate lmao

[roaringheat]

RDR2 has been an insanely long hyperfix like literally only comparable to my fo4 hyperfix. I'm a little sad to feel that high fading but given that my fo4 hyperfix comes back strong like at least every 2 years, I have no doubt that RDR2 is gonna jump me again

[loving-all-for-loki]

i really love your writing sm. could I maybe request something with Loki and reader being slow to realize that the feeling is mutual? if you dont mind <3

A/N: Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoy my writing, that makes me very happy to hear. I tried my best with this, I wasn’t really sure how to go about it, but I think I did a fun little twist to it. The italics are flashbacks. ALSO, you don’t need to know the song “Stuck In The Middle” to read this, but it will make this fic a little bit cuter if you do, so go stream it! It’s by Tai Verdes (actually just go listen to his whole album TV). I hope you enjoy this, nonnie.

Stuck In The Middle

Loki x reader

Word count: 2255

Warnings: fluff, maybe swearing I don't remember lol

Tony decided to throw another one of his giant parties, but no one is really sure why. There’s no holiday, no accomplishment to celebrate. All you know is that the tower is filled to the brim with high named people and well rounded faces. Music is blaring as people lounge around drinking or casually dancing. The Avengers are all around, scattered among the faces.

You on the other hand are leaning against a wall drinking some pop and trying to ignore the creepy men that hit on you. Parties are fine, you don’t mind them, but you don't go around gloating about your business or accomplishments. You watch Tony walk around getting praised by millionaires and celebrities with a smirk on your face. Shaking your head, you look down and give your glass of water more attention than the people.

“You really should get out there.”

Steve stands next to you with his little suit on that makes you laugh. You’re not used to seeing him all dressed up.

“I’m not a boaster. I’ll dance here and there, but conversation isn’t my forte.”

“You're having a conversation with me, so what does that say?” He laughs.

“I don’t need your technicalities, Cap,” you laugh as well.

“You don’t even have to talk to people you don’t know. We’re all here.”

“Fair enough.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you?”

“No, Steve. Go have fun.”

He smiles at you before returning to his seat at the bar by Bucky and Sam. You smile at the three of them. You do truly love your friends, even if they bother you during alone time.

“Why would you enjoy them if they bother you?”

“Loki, stop reading my mind.”

“I can’t. You’re quite loud,” he jokes.

You roll your eyes as you take another sip of your water.

“Do you not like these grand parties?” He asks.

“Eh, I don’t mind them. Just not a bragger.”

“Ah, yes. One night dedicated to gloating about your own accomplishments while putting down others.”

“No, that’s the Oscars,” you joke.

“Who is Oscar?”

“Never mind. Why you go out and dance? I bet you have some moves.”

“Not without a partner. I’m more of a partner dancer.”

“Well, there’s plenty of pretty girls around you to ask to dance.”

“Why dance with a pretty girl when I have the most beautiful one right here leaning against a wall and ignoring everyone? That’s more my style.”

“Loki, I’m flatter,” you laugh, “is this your way of asking me to dance?”

“Possibly. Thor has been bugging me to ‘get out there’ and I don’t like anyone here beside you.”

“Such a gentleman.”

Loki rolls his eyes as he takes your hand in his and leads you to the dance floor. The song changes into a fun chill song you recognize as “Stuck In The Middle”. You and Loki dance together as the two of you laugh. At some point, he pulls you into him, holding him at your chest.

“Remember when we first met?” He asks.

“Yeah, I do. You were arguing with Tony and Thor.”

“I want to return to Asgard and I will no matter what you say.”

“You’re a war criminal serving time here for your attacks. If you even attempted to go back, the American army would shoot you down.”

“And good luck to them.”

“My brother is a god, Man of Iron, do not forget.”

“Shut it, point break. You can try to leave if you want to die.”

Loki scoffs at Tony’s threat. As he goes to open his mouth, he sees a girl wander into the living area and scour the kitchen. The three watch her in silent and she opens every cabinet. Loki is curious by the girl with her long black hair and sweats on, clearing not caring about the argument happening. She finally turns around with her mouth filled with pretzels from shoving them in. She looks at the two gods and Tony with a wide eyed look, clearly asking “what” in her face and shrugging.

“Am I interrupting something?” She asks after swallowing.

Tony laughs and shakes his head, walking over to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re fine, sweetheart. We’re just having a disagreement. Go enjoy your pretzels,” Tony chuckles.

Loki watches the way she submits to Tony and follows his lead, wondering who she is and why she listens to Tony without hesitation.

“I was so intrigued by you, this small little thing who looked so full of life. What happened to her?”

You laugh hard, “You got to know me, that’s what.”

Loki hadn’t seen the innocent girl in two weeks, wondering if she was even real. There had been some kind of glow to her so had he known better, he’d say she’s an angel.

Loki decided to coop himself up in the library while he was stuck on Midgard. Since he was stuck here, he thought he’d at least spend time doing something enjoyable. He’d spend hours in there until he had read every book and started to reread them. Then, as if the universe had heard him, the innocent girl had returned, putting a book away and getting a new one. She immediately walked out of the room and down to the tower’s elevator. Without hesitation, Loki got up and followed her at a quick pace, wanting to get in the elevator at the same time. As he walked in, they stood in silence next to each other and Loki realized he had no plan.

“I’m Loki. I don’t think we properly met.”

“Y/N.”

Loki feels his heart pound as she speaks to him with her heavenly tone. She sounds exactly like he thought she’d sound. It fits her so perfectly and he wants nothing more than to listen to her talk all day.

“I apologize for anything you heard the other day. Stark and I don’t see eye to eye.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she laughs, “He can strike a nerve sometimes.”

“That is an understatement,” Loki says, losing himself in his anger towards the billionaire.

You laugh at his comment which eases his anger. Loki is filled with joy knowing you find humor in his words, learning you’re not as stuck up as the other Midgardians.

“You read?”

“Yes, I love to.”

“What’s your favorite book?”

“Sense and Sensibility.”

“I don’t think I know that one.”

“It’s a Midgardian classic,” you say with some snark.

“I’ll have to read it. May I ask what you are doing for the rest of the day?”

The elevator opens and the two of you walk off, Loki still following you with awe.

“I’m going to spar with Steve for a little bit. You can join if you want.”

“I will not participate, but will not refuse to be of company.”

You smile at him as you walk towards the training room. Steve stands there getting ready and is surprised to see the stoic god behind you.

“Is he joining?”

“Just to watch.”

Loki sits down on the bench and leaves you to get changed and stretch. He can’t comprehend how something as sweet as you can be so willing to fight one of the super soldiers. He can’t even lie that he’s scared for you, but he’s soon proven wrong in seconds as you knock Steve down to the ground in a sweet kick. You and the super soldier go at it and you prove to be a worthy match for Steve. Loki is shocked by your swiftness and strength, clearly underestimating you.

“Well, I’m impressed.”

“I didn’t expect you to be as tough as you are.” “Wow, you underestimated me. I’m hurt, Loki,” you tease.

“I’ve learned to expect the unexpected with you.”

“How so?”

“I think we all remember your silly holiday ‘April fools’.”

April fools is one of your favorite holidays and now that the trickster god is living with you, all of the avengers are on high alert all day. No one realized he didn’t know about the special day, so Loki wondered why everyone seemed to ignore him more than usual. He walked into the living space to see you sitting on the couch with another book.

“Did I do something?” He asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m aware I’m not well liked, but it seems that I haven’t seen anyone all day except for you right now.”

“It’s because its’ April fools and they’re scared of you.”

A little ping of pride hits Loki.

“They’re scared of me? And what is April fools?”

“It’s a dumb holiday here where you prank people and they’re worried you’re going to pull something. After all, you are you.”

“You have a whole day dedicated to messing with people?”

“Yeah, usually it’s something simple like telling people you’re pregnant when you’re not or tying the spray nozzle on the sink together so everyone gets wet when they use it. Other people go big which is what they expected from you.”

“That doesn’t shock me,” he laughs.

“Yeah, I wanted to prank them, but I think they’ve left the building entirely.”

“You say we have the tower to the two of us?” Loki can think of a couple ways he’d spend alone time with you, but the idea of messing with the Avengers with your help is too tempting. He’ll have to put his other ideas to the side for the moment. “We can still do something.”

“Like what?”

“I’m not sure, but you could think of something, I’m sure.”

“We could glue everything down so you can use anything?”

“Like stick the together?”

“Exactly, but we could use your magic so we could reverse it later.”

“I like how you think.”

About two hours later, the Avengers return from wherever they had been throughout the day and run to their rooms to avoid Loki. As soon as they noticed the two of you relaxing on the couch, they tensed up and sprinted. You pretended to not have told Loki about anything and watched them get nervous, trying to hide your amusement.

It’s only minutes later when they all run back in yelling at you about how they can’t pick anything up or open drawers. Loki looks over to you among the chaos and smiles, seeing the wide proud smile across your face.

“That was a lot of fun. You surprised me in the past though, too.”

“Whatever do you mean?” He laughs.

You had gotten hurt on a mission and found yourself with a broken arm. Every day activities became 10x harder because you have to do it with your non-dominant hand and it’s started to get annoying. You’ve been attempting to make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for about 25 minutes now. Loki walked in to see you struggling with peanut butter all over your hand and a glob on the bread. There’s a giant tear in the middle of the piece you’re spreading it on and a frown on your face.

“You look like you’re struggling.”

“Thank you, captain obvious!” You exclaim in an angry tone, glaring daggers at the god.

“Do you need some help?”

“I would love some because clearly, I’m having some difficulty.”

Loki comes over and helps you finish making your sandwich. You sit down to eat but because of your bad mood, you don’t even want it now. Loki notices your distress and shakes it head, waving his hand by.

“You’re healed, now eat your sandwich.”

You look at him in confusion until you realize your arm doesn’t hurt as much when you move it. You rip off your cast and feel around to feel how your arm is completely healed.

“Thank you!”

“You can be very sweet sometimes.”

“Don’t let Stark hear that, he’ll think I have mind controlled you.”

The Avengers all sit around the bar and watch you and Loki dance. They have a big smile on their face as they see you two have fun, laughing and talking. Thor has never seen his brother look so relaxed and joyful before, it’s refreshing to see him happy. Steve and Tony don’t miss the way you look at Loki, it’s filled with more love than any friends would look at each with.

“You think there’s more there?” Thor asks.

Steve and Tony turn to look at him with confused yet amused faces. “Thor, you really are an idiot,” Tony laughs.

The song comes up to the last chorus and you and Loki have stopped talking. He swings you around and holds his body next to yours. The music get’s both of your attention.

Cause we’re stuck in the middle of lover and friends

And we’re losing every part of the benefits

You’ve hurt me more than I ever knew

But it’s shitty because I’m doing the same to you

As the lyrics set in, you remember all the things Loki has done for you. Making your PB&J, recommending books, keeping you company when the Avengers are away, dancing with you at New Years parties, giving you a hug when you return from missions, and not leaving your side when you’re hurt. Loki thinks of all the things that made you bearable. Your sense of humor, the smile on your face when you see him, the way you’ll reread books you love, the way you make fun of others with him, and how you defend him when they make fun of him.

“I think I like you,” you both say.

[typinggently]

I love your take on feral bruce, especially the outfits (and the filrh, but dont tell any one) ❤🦇❤🦇

Honestly, I’m so happy to hear that!!!! 🥰

Originally I wanted to include outfits in this answer but it doesn’t really work, so I’ll post them separately! Instead, please enjoy those tiny written pieces!!!

Time for FBFF (Feral Bruce Fashion Facts)!

Bruce would wear a lot more bolder looks if it weren’t for his tell-tale scars. He can excuse some shit, but bitemarks? Gunshot scars? Burns? Spoiled billionaires don’t have those, so he can’t wear the backless shirts or the bellybutton-deep necklines. He won’t say he’s upset about it, because he knows it comes with what he’s doing and what he’s doing is good, but (he’s upset about it).

Generally, his go-to colour is black, but he’s also not against wearing other colours – shades of brown or warm red, for example.

He has a number of Vivienne Westwood jewellery – the pendant just has its charm and he likes the feel of a long pearl necklace wrapped around his throat

He likes extremes – sharp, clean lines on one end, shapeless heaps of fabric on the other. That’s how he’ll wear form-fitting, very sleek Italian suits one day and wide, loose, Japanese contemporary fashion the next.

Addition: that goes for his styles as well – a colourful bouquet from sleek-formal over flamboyantly-chic over athleisure to extremely casual

His athleisure is still off-puttingly sexy.

Actually – they all are. Even when he’s not trying at all (see: extremely casual) or actively trying to be proper (see: sleek-formal), the fact that he himself has such a strange, intriguing energy translates and he just. He makes it all work. It’s magic, really.

Did someone mention filth?

Bruce will and has worn fetish wear in public. The Media still isn’t exactly sure whether he really did, but he totally did. Leather harness or decorative rope bondage over a simple white shirt and slacks – that’s a look. Heavy leather collars paired with distressed jeans and a hoodie? A Look! I feel that he’d be the type to wear a full-on leather dog mask just as some kind of practical joke. Or because he genuinely doesn’t want to be seen that day so he’s all “no, I’m wearing a mask” and puts that thing on. Problem solved. The Media really has a hard time with him.

Re: rope bondage. While I doubt Clark’s appreciation would go beyond “oh that looks complicated B-0”, he does appreciate the fact that he can grip the ropes wrapped around Bruce’s back and pull him back onto his cock. It’s very convenient, and the rope looks nice against Bruce’s skin. Not to mention that Bruce goes absolutely mad for controlled&consensual restrains. He’ll wear it in public because he didn’t feel like putting on a tie and the red of the ropes matches his socks, but once there’s rope wrapped around his arms, he’s a moaning, shivering mess, trying to get leverage to fuck himself back on Clark’s cock. NOT suited for the public!!!

You know what? If he’s wearing this to the office (which he is, he’s wearing a suit, it’s all very formal), then? It would be easy to have Clark drop by for lunch, right? Bending Bruce over his huge glass table, pulling and pushing him, arranging him to Clark’s liking thanks to the ropes artfully wrapped around his torso and fucking him until the table top is smeared with drool and come. All the while enjoying the nice view on Gotham - corner office, glass walls. It’s a very enjoyable lunch break.

However, Bruce will never be able to wear his bondage-formal look because the mere feeling of those ropes now just drives him up the wall with the need to be split open on Clark’s cock(s). I daresay it even makes his nightly activities a little more difficult, even though most villains aren’t skilled enough to do proper and pretty rope bondage - just bind his wrists and go. But to come back to the office look - the rest of the day, Bruce is vibrating out of his skin. He’s gotten a very nice taste of his favourite alien and he wants a repeat performance SO badly. The man’s jerked off in his office before, but never more than two times on the same day. But today? NO work is getting done. Bruce is in shambles. He cleaned the desk, but he’s still wearing his rope construction so every move reminds him of how nicely Clark fucked him and he wants it again! (He could also just...take off the ropes but he doesn’t even think of that. too busy going feral over wanting to get fucked). Needless to say, Clark has to come over at around 4 to give him a nice second round of fucking. It’s a wonder the suit’s still wearable after all it’s gone through. Wrinkled, stained, it’s quite the sight. And then, finally, after another two hours of sitting and daydreaming about getting creamed while practically being freshly fucked, Bruce can go home and call Clark. So he comes over. Because Bruce’s been wearing the ropes all day and they’re so nice and tight on the chest and waist and just barely brush his nipples when he inhales and he still has those vivid memories of Clark manhandling him

to make it short: insatiable.

Thank you so much for this lovely ask, dearest!! I’ve got two looks ready, but I’ll have to publish them tomorrow since it’s already quite late and I want to proofread once more! ❣️🥰

[eg515]

Yaaaay, ask game!

2, 16, 18

yes, I'm finally back! 😂 thanks for going easy on me on my triumphant return 💖

2. show you watch casually?

what do we mean by casual? If it means not watching every episode, only watching on the tv sometimes, than I'd say pretty much all the general cop shows you can find everywhere, with Hungarian dub. there are ridiculously lot of them. but by now they are mostly reruns and watching them means more criticising all the bullshit I didn't notice before. if casual means watching weekly but not interacting with the fandom, then... idk. with every show I watch, even if I'm not actively in the fandom, I check out the posts sometimes or blog about it.

I'd say most of the shows I watch are casual watches.

16. show you despise but still watch?

oh damn... okay, sometimes I talk shit about shows and still watch them. it's all (affectionate), you know? I can't really think of one, because usually if a show seriously upsets or annoys me for longer than a few episodes, I just. don't watch it anymore. yeah, I know, groundbreaking.

actually, thinking about it, I'd say Hawaii Five-O. A few years ago mom and I started binging it, and I loved it, but by season...5-6-ish, it got.... not as enjoyable. by season 7 and 8 I was watching it purely for Kono and Tani, and I mercilessly roasted every episode. I rarely talk (read: shout) as much at my tv as I did with H50. we still have s10 to watch as it wasn't out back then, so I guess technically I'm still watching it kinda??

18. show you dont understand the hype for?

Game of Thrones. just... no

at the beginning I could kinda understand why people would love it, even if it wasn't for me, but then it got ridiculously bad.

but for most shows I can understand the hype, I just don't share it.

[grlfriends]

revolutionary girl utena review

ep 1-5

the plot is actually kinda different from what I thought ?? in my mind the plot was: utena was a girl in a princess school who each and every princess would be "conquered" (for a lack of better words rn) in a ceremonial duel by a prince who fancied them, maybe she didnt wanna wanna marry anyone or she liked Anthy already but anyway in my mind utena showed up in the ceremony with duel clothing and then, in a very brave tm like-scene, she would openly declare she refused to be conquered by anyone and tbh I'm not even sure how Anthy would come into the plot... but back into what actually happened in the episodes everything so far is very introductory and just showing what mechanics will be explored further down the line I think?? the op is really good too

also every boy so far reminds me so much of knights of the zodiac?? maybe it's just the design I guess...) and nanami can get these hands, jealousy is a disease and she's the sickest person on earth for all I know

dont ask me why bit I just feel like room of mirrors - gfriend has a very well fitting vibe for it but I'm not exactly sure why hm.... 🤔🤔

ep 6-12

ok so why does this school just have random animals around 😐 I could understand the horse but a bull and a kangaroo?? what ...

touga just says the most random dramatic things and then just casually says anyone who believes in friendship is a fool ?? the guy wouldnt last a day in the naruto universe tbh, he kinda irks me in some way but I'm not sure why so I'll live with this strange feeling for a while I guess

↳ okay so watching ep 10 made me especially kinda creeped out, I know I've watched only 10 eps so far but like can he fall downstairs and break a neck or something already ...

also haha what if I watched that bet on it fmv and gave myself a bunch of spoilers would that be funny or what 😍 this is why i cant have nice things yall.... hope my memory goes to shit when sleep so I dont remember about it this week while I finish it

I feel like the main thing on the episodes are parallels, one way or another I always feel like they're setting up parallels and giving me clues for a bigger picture and a deeper plot arc that is still to come and the bet on it fmv just made this impression stronger, also I wanna say it's done in a good way, one that is both mysterious (??) and "honey you've got a big storm coming" at the same time 🤔🤔 much to think about honestly

↳ just saw ep 11 and even though I already knew this was coming sooner or later it still felt like crap seeing utena lose to dick head, at the end of the episode when he says anthy was always just reflecting utena's own wishes for himemiya (in another way bc I dont remenber the exact words) it felt like 😐 bc yes I knew that (the way she was working her thoughts was simply a copy and paste of what utena was saying) at all time I kept those essays about anthy in my head, I dont think theyll be truly relatable to what I'm seeing rn but yeah anthy rights (even though I know you betray/cheat on utena down the line bc of the bet on it fmv but I'm sure you had your own motivation)

↳ saw ep 12 bc I just couldnt handle being in a cliffhanger and yeah it happened what I absolutely thought it would lmao not that it was that difficult to foresee but yeah, I kinda liked how utena did it for her instead of being like "oh I wanna save anthy from touga" and treating her like a damsel in distress (I know that's kinda her position as the rose bride for what I've been told so far and that this is a subject spoken about in many many essays on tumblr but yeah) bc so far she's been treated as a trophy and a way to get something else, for the green haired guy it was a way to see something eternal, for miki it was a way to hold on into his "shining thing" and for touga it seems (so far) like a way to manipulate (just like he does with nanami) and just mark his position as above everyone else as he seems to view himself?? man I might be saying random stuff rn but it kinda does makes sense in my mind with the information I've had to this point

ep 13-25

honestly 😐😐 through 9 whole episodes I felt like they were trying to make the side characters deeper and show their hidden face and motivations but it felt so shallow...... not even actually shallow, just not deep enough that it would make me care about these characters and the fact there was no actual build to showing us why we're getting to know these characters backgrounds was just kinda meh too, didnt really help that all episodes had all the same formula and the same timing just for the developers made in those episodes be forgotten at the end and also just that pink haired guy could be like "ah failure again", it felt like watching the same episode over and over again, it was really tiring and like?? girl help I do not care about these characters at all, I feel like it could have been done well (like the keiko ep in comparison to the furuba chapter that deals with the yuki appreciation (??) club president graduating.... the way this ep was done and setup didn't really bring me any emotions) overall not to my taste and tbh I feel like I could have skipped all those episodes except for maybe the miki and juri one so 😑

all nanami focused episodes are the worst so far, she's so boring and I cant stand now annoying she is, the diary episode?? the cow episode?? the episode when tsuwabiki fuels with utena?? honestly I know they're trying to show me a better and different side of her but it just doesnt!! work!! bc i feel no sympathy for her, my biggest wish rn is her and touga just disappearing and no more filler episodes🗣🗣

I thought akio was utena's prince?? but apparently he's just anthy's brother and like.. I'm do done with his little talks with utena and yadda yadda, I just wanna see their duel is that too much to ask I'm dying over here (if this lenga lenga continues until ep 25 i will be so mad bc why were so many episodes wasted on such boring and and not necessary side characters backstories?? idc about them at all man aaaaaaaaaa)

↳ ep 25 was good finally we got what we deserve boys 😭😭😭😭😭 can utena just beat up akio already I'm tired of his ass, he exhales both "I'm a feminist I even take women studies classes #herstory" and "if she breathes she's a thot" energy also he has 0 style that mullet is simply horrible I bet there's a hairstylist community who considers him a criminal bc like 😐 it is simply so bad (q bit less when it's tied up but when it's all lose jesus Christ)

also touga thinks he's suuuuch a genius, sooo smart like king, I do not care about you at all can you shut the fuck up please and can we tall about the pink haired guy episode?? wack. honestly thought it would be more emotional or something, I binge watched 12 episodes with his ugly haircut face and did not even feel a thing he can choke I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ANTHY TAKING A SWORD OUT OF UTENA'S CHEST??? OSCAR WORTHY KINGS❗❗❗and then her lame ass brother being like "oh ho ho idk idk" shut up no one cares no one cares I swear to you no one cares shut uuuuup

ep 25-39

first of all, ep 25 was good but kinda reminded me of the nine episodes (13 until 21) where absolutely nothing interesting happened so I hope I'm wrong also can I just say just seeing the preview of the next episode made me roll my eyes so bad I almsot saw my brain?? bc yeah I'm fucking tired of nanami fosuced episodes she's so annoying oh my god nobody cares about a goddamn egg and much less one coming from her let her die or something pls she's so annoying there's nothing I've learned about her that was not against my own will I'm basically rotting over here 🤒

↳ ep 30 has me thinking Akio has a foot fetish or something 😐 bruh leave utena aloooooone I already know your plans and schemes you're not fooling anyone that's embarrassing for u and also... utena you're not very bright are you.... you start seeing every duelist you face with the same exact car and then when you see akio has the same car you didnt even stop to think about it that 1+1 equals 2 ... girl help yourself 😐

↳ yet again another nanami focused ep 😐😐😐😐😐 even though I do understand her better now I still don't find her particularly enjoyable to watch, call me a woman hater but like. idk she's still a bit annoying to me (but touga is straight up evil and is manipulating her so I feel bad for feeling like that tho.....)

↳ ok last 2 eps to go but listen. I thought the akio duel would have happened much sooner, maybe on ep 33 max but well didn't this age well lmao ngl, it did seem a bit too slow paced for my personal taste but also I feel like there's a certain level of drama that comes with slowing the pace down....

↳ aaaaaa yall I'm kinda 😢😭 over the ending omg........... even though it took the best of me to keep going in some parts I still enjoyed the ending aaaaa I thought i wouldnt really like it bc I just usually dont enjoy this type of ending but stil 😢😢😢😢 wait for me utena 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 girl I cried and then anthy walking in the end god utena and anthy holding hands 😭😭😭😭 akio can suck my dick

there's obviously many things I've missed or that I kinda didnt really pay attendance to so please dont take this serious, I was just writing as I watched the episodes so it's more like a thought compilation than anything, still I can see why there's many essays written about it and why it is held as a masterpiece by so many people

[nyarisu]

Völkerball liveblogging

Dear lord this took me so long to edit you better appreciate it

Reise reise

Oooo~ but I still like the Hellfest version more :)) (Till’s face during the Hellfest chorus will always be my sexuality)

Schneider’s costume is fabulous but I’ll never trust those curls

Also vampire Reesh that’s a good look

Asdfghjklthe vagina entrance XDDD they really had to

Hello nice legs

I’ve watched this only once because i don’t like the sound. Someone said Till was sick and I don’t know what actually happened but his voice kinda sounds like it, especially more towards the middle of the live.

But the chorus is still so nice~

The tongue via Till’s fucked up slut face

Olli’s really serious

"Ist kein Licht am Horizont" REESH DO YOU WANNA KILL ME?? That was one sexy face

I really love Till’s expressions i want to kiss his face

The eyes! And then looking up to the sky<3 (was there even a sky or was inside I didn’t even notice XD)

I really don’t like Paul and Flake’s costumes

Fucking god that entrance is craking me up

Links 234

Hei hei hei!

I love how they all march on the stage

Bwhbwbwhwbhwbwhw XD

That’s a nice middle to wrap your hands around, mr Lindemann

I love when he’s hittig his chest on “links”

THE FANGS

Paul means business XD

You can’t not sing with them during links

Oh the solo<3 sounds so nice live

Thank god my favourite person from this stupid band is also the one most filmes otherwise I would’ve been in trouble

Dem boobs XD

Keine lust

I thought it was Sonne for one sec

He kicked the mic stand XD

Now you can hear he’s a little raspy

Yes Till we know the lyrics’ meaning and also that you’re horny

The chorus sounds nice again, it sounds better when he’s actually siniging vs talking

Who’s foamning at the mouth over that patch of skin under his pants, I’ve seen people talk about that (unfortunately it’s doing nothing for me)

"kaaaalt. Soo kaaaalt" I’ll keep you warm bby just don’t be sad T_T

Ok but Flake’s headpiece is actually hilariuous gotta admit

I really want to kiss Till *opening his mouth like a retarded owl* I don’t think I want anymore

Feuer frei

That was his I’m ready to slut pose XD

DONT HIT YOURSELF YOU DUMB BABY

Ooooooh Olli got shirtless (what were they calling this?)

I really like RZK’s top

Of course he’s gotta bully Flake

Chumby

I’m really trying to focus more on image but the voice is such a big thing for me and it’s clear he has something

The masks!! I love those so much

„Jaaaa”

Wow Schneider’s drumsticks went out with a literal bang

Asche zu Asche

4 lines later I finally realised what song is >.< and only because Till began to sing...

DID YOU SEE WHAT HE WAS DOING WITH THOSE DRUMSTICKS?!? I knew why I had a thing for hands/fingers

Asdfghjkl Richard strutting down the stage with his little red stripe<3

He’s a moody goth and I love his look did he just put his hands on his hips? XD

Till’s cheeks! I want to pinch his face

Everyone’s favourite part and THE NECK TILT ok wow now that was hot

Tho I usually preffer the “In zehn Tagen” to RZK’s “Ich komm wieder” now it was the opposite (probably because I couldn’t see Till that well) and Reesh acting all sexy was definitely improving it

Go Flake go XD he’s so serious and by the end he’s having the time of his life meanwhile Till is having an existential crisis (another)

Olli’s abs are heeeeella nice

Till with his hand over his heart didn’t help his case

Yeah Richard ok you’re sexy i get it holly fuck I’ve never been more attracted to him

And now i’ll never be able to unsee the neck tilt

That ich kom wieder just unmade me

Morgenstern

Bath time XD

I really like when Till slicks his hair back

Dear lord the chorus thank you for your voice sir and congrats on it

I really like the general image of a bassist playing their bass (other verb I could’ve used was fingering XD that’s literally what he’s doing!!)

Ooooh the keyboards sound so nice<3

DON’T pluck your eyes out!

The fire part is really impressive

I love then Richard is doign his gay boy pose XD and then the closeup on him while bobbing his head

I need to say once again the chorus sounds wundershon

Mein Teil

The first 2 seconds I thought it was MHB

Paul and Richard walking towards each other<3

Aaaand the epicness begins!

Schneider is fabulous behind his drums, can’t forget about him

YEET

The tongue’s is at it again

FLAKE POPING UP WITH THAT SMILE CRACKED ME UP you demented human

People are rocking the hell out this song

“durch Engelsscharen” Till’s expression<3

And the maddnes begins. Wow it was shorter than usual... obviously, it was at the beginning

Flake has such a special style of running I can’t XD

Stein um Stein

And everyone is gonna talk about him drawing a house xD it was cute (considering what the song is about)

You’re being a slut again

Aaaaah I want to complain about the playback but I really can’t I rather prefer him with vocal cords. At least the rest of the song sounded excelent!

The little sound at the end of „sein” and his face: childish enjoyment while talking about fucked up shit. If this doesn’t perfectly summarize Till then I don’t know what does

Schenider’s smile

No but really beside the screeching parts he sung it so well!

Were they trying to film Richards crotch? Whatever he’s sexy

Another reason why I watch this only once before was me being kind of meh regarding Till’s look he’s my favourite after all I gotta act the part

Los

My fucking god Scheider’s legs! I fucking love thighs. And he has a nice ass too

Richard’s smile!! Don’t kill me

Is it me or does Till start to stare into space and look generally Not Ok (tm)?

„fucking mickey mouse” XDDD

Los is among the last 10 songs on my list I usually just skip it

I died when I saw him with a harmonica the first time

Flake and Olli XD

Don’t manhandle poor Flake (I really want to say I wish that were me but knowing myself I would probably just deck Till in the face XD)

The sunglasses are sick

RZK and Till headbaning<3

Rip (rest in pieces) to keyboard

Du riechts so gut

THE BOW! The cute flamingo pose aside, that bow is one of my favourite pyro effects ever

And then the synchronised bodybanging<3

That „pang” never sounded so good?

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN MENTIONED THE NECK TILT REESH IS SO SEXY HERE I CAN’T EVEN

The deepest he sings the lees you hear the raspiness

Lord! The whole audience just fucking went for it

Schneider’s muscles, Richard’s little smirk and Till zombie 2.0

Even more bodybanging. Flake is enjoying himself

WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY?!? (me to Richard)

Flake casually going back to his keyboards uthgjkhfzc that looked so cool and smooth

I promise I still drool over Till just... Richard is so prettily standing there! I cant ignore him!

The firesleeves are so cool and it looks so good, especially with them facing different ways

And freeze! Nice and dramatic

Till hammer time

That one guy really feeling the „DRSG” in the audience XD

Benzine

3 consecutive thought: it is Benzine fuck yeah, I can never tell if it’s Benzine or Keine Lust, Till’s terrified face

The most Rammstein song to ever Rammstein

Paul going wild XD but I still don’t like his hat

Flake is spazzing again

Du hast

Thank god I’m actually enjoying this song now, I skipped it for half a year

The drums and the beginning and the keyboards are <3

The tongue >w<

People are going wild

I like Richard’s dramatic gesturing. Pretty rockstar boy

The chorus sounds so good

Flake what is that on your head? XD is he a One Piece character?

Did he just casually shoved the mic into his pocket? XD

I much more preffer the newest effect from Paris onwards (which is also my top favourite)

Sehnsucht

This song has a very special and unique feel to it probably because it screams Live aus Berlin more than any other (and now I feel like watching LAB again)

It’s the chanting in the background probably

He’s sounding sick again :(

You have muscles in the arms (and probably legs too) and chumby in the belly it’s perfect

Lol @ Paul trying to look scary

„SEHNSUCHT!”

Ok Richard honey you can stop with the sexy neck tilt

He’s slapping the hell out of his guitar

Please stop pulling your hair out

Amerika

@Flake on that thing: wierd flex but ok

Sexy fishnet legs

Wow that’s a really soft and nice opening, pretty unexpected

LOL Flake taking off his hat like „sorry for your loss” but considering the song it’s expected from him XD

Beauatiful eyes<3

He’s just nyooming from one side of the stage to the other? XD

That eyeliner looks so fucking good on Till

Flake is suffering :)) (what the fuck was I talking about I can’t remember now that I’m editing)

Even Richard’s hair looks pretty! What the fuck??

The last scene with Schneider (and then his legs)

Rammstein

Those are some fucking guns he has right there

This is the most badass intrumental intro ever

“Scheeeeeein”

Oooooh so this is where that gif was coming from for some reason it thought it was Engel from MSG. Does this live even has Engel on it?

I love when drummers throw their sticks in the air and then catch them again

Ok the image of Till slowly backing off between Paul and Richard who were both vibing in their own way was really nice

Sonne

Schneider is enjoiying this isn’t he XD

For some reason this song doesn’t seem as energic as it usually is?

Was Till humping the mic stand? (more likely than you’d think)

Seing Flake and Till doing the hammer side by side is really funny, that’s some size difference

Ich will

Bye bye mic stand again

Till baby what did you do with your throat to make your voice sound like that?

Richard looking to the side during „ich will” hhhhhHhh

Let me slap that ass Till

I want to lick your face

Ohne dich

Ollie what are you doing

Asdfhjkl Flake comforting Till and the way he just rests his head on Flake’s shoulder is breaking my heart

Poor baby come here and let me love you

You can clearly see he’s trerrified

Lsnhxkvj his eyes<3

Nawwww they are kissing

I am silently thristing over Till don’t mind me

Please don’t cry T_T and then him looking over his bangs sfdghjkl

„is he... ya know” pose with a hand in the air Heirate mich style (aka Till Lehmann is a sub)

Look I know he’s suffering and all but I really can’t focus on that with all the water dripping off him

Stripped

No wonder I didn’t recognised the song it doensn’t even exist to me XD

Till pointing like „you. drop your panties. now” XD

I had half a mind to skip it but then I would have missed Till’s wonderful tongue performance

Was he flicking it to the rythm??

Hearing him sing in english is always so weird (I only recently rediscovered the gem the Children of the Sun is)

Richard what was that sexy face?

Ollie is braving the human seas, telepathy at its finest XD

Hmm that is a really nice lower back

Gangsta XD „how do you do fellow kids”

Paul is enjoying the show

Schneider has killer looks. Literally XD

YEET

Conclusions:

Half of it went really slow and then the other half went really fast? I don’t understand what happened

So this is the setting for Mit Dir Bin Ich Auch Allein... ok, good to know ;)

You sure this was a good idea 4 songs in and I already wrote 2 pages, now the total is at 6.

I’m not particulary fond of the looks and Till sounds sick so I usually avoid this live. Also some songs are weird with the energy so yeah

Richard is so pretty I can’t (and fucking hot how come I don’t remeber this??)

[ganymedesclock]

So I saw a tag on my last post:

#i dont think we were supposed to think to hard about some of this

(via @mamamittens​ here,)

and I think in a way, that’s correct- the Zelda games are actively written in a way that discourages curiosity about Ganondorf. The “final fight” of the game is rarely an environment of Ganon’s making or in his favor. We are overwhelmingly kept away from Ganon himself- there’s no game where we can just talk to him, and I don’t think there’s been a game yet where we can choose dialogue options in a cutscene with Ganon.

We’re very rarely allowed to talk to Ganon’s subordinates. Those relationships are cast heavily in the dark. We don’t get to see Ganon grieving any of the people and monsters we carve through on our path to get to him.

We’re told things about Ganon in a way that is intended to be dismissive- we’re told he’s Cunning and a Schemer so we assume that he’s working towards some sinister agenda any time we’re looking at him or not. We’re told he’s underhanded so we can accept that events that seem completely unrelated are all his doing. We’re told he hates, and that he covets power, because that’s inherently how he is. We’re told he’s an usurper and an unworthy king so he is set across from the Hyrulean royal family, whose right to rule is never questioned by anyone we’re “supposed” to listen to.

We’re not supposed to think about Ganon. We’re not supposed to wonder about Ganon. We’re not supposed to listen to Ganon.

And this is unnerving, when people don’t tell us things about Ganon. 

In Wind Waker, there is a small detail where Ganon is only stated as “Ganon” by Daphnes. The time we hear him called “Ganondorf” is when he introduces himself to Link. That’s one of the first things he says to Link in this game- calmly and indifferently giving us this tiny, but fairly notable, detail of his history that Daphnes never told us.

And Daphnes omits a lot of Ganon in that game. The word “Gerudo” is never mentioned. We only know that Ganon didn’t come from Hyrule because again, he himself tells Link about his country and the disparity in climate- that Hyrule had something his people didn’t, and at least in that timeline, seemingly, the Gerudo were struggling. (One can argue in OoT they don’t appear to be struggling, but, why would Ganon, a king among his own people, keenly know and be able to describe the experience of poverty and living close to death if he never experienced it? He isn’t pulling this out in anticipation of pity; it’s a moment’s introspection before he braces himself to fight Link and Tetra for the triforce, with no suggestion that they could back down or negotiate)

And even just in a sense of immediate relevance of the game- Daphnes doesn’t tell us the Master Sword was used to seal Ganon. He doesn’t tell us that there’s consequences to drawing it whether or not it still had the sages’ power. In fact, Daphnes casually justifies withholding information- when he reveals his true identity, he outright tells Link that as long as Link was able to kill Ganon, Daphnes saw no reason to reveal Hyrule or his own identity.

Considering Daphnes is literally sending Link on a politically motivated hit on another ruler, this is really bad. It’s bad that literally all of the context we have on Hyrule’s downfall is either directly given by Ganon- who at no point is shown to lie to further the obvious agenda he’d have of Not Wanting Link To Kill Him- or prompted by Ganon’s actions and words raising questions that Daphnes admits he needs to answer.

In Twilight Princess, Ganon talks to Link less, but he’s still conspicuously wearing a crown. He is still overtly not Hylian- we can still imagine that he is from the Gerudo, which is very concerning, when the only inhabited structure in the Gerudo Desert in TP is a massive, extremely haunted prison full of torture equipment that was presided over by servants of the Hyrule royal family. Whether or not we were supposed to think deeply about it, having Ganon, overtly crowned, when there were no other Gerudo, and the sages claiming they merely executed “a bandit” who was blessed with the gods’ power basically by accident- literally only thinking about it as far as “but Ganon didn’t just sprout out of the desert at random, where did he come from? In other games, he’s from a people called the Gerudo who lives in the desert, but it doesn’t look like anyone lives in the Gerudo Desert except the Bulblins, and Ganon’s obviously not a bulblin” tells us that the nicest thing that possibly happened is famine or disaster wiped out the Gerudo, destroyed their city, and left Ganon the sole survivor.

It’s not a good look if you can’t admit the person you’re executing is royalty.

But we’re Not Supposed To Think About Ganon.

And in another sense, we are- we’re supposed to hate him. We’re supposed to think about the bad things that happen and think they’re his fault. We’re supposed to think about the bad he could hypothetically do, and allegedly is doing, somewhere we can’t see him, or where we can see the results but not anything that explains why Ganon did this or how.

We’re supposed to think about Ganon as an adversary, a beast, a monster, a tyrant.

We are not supposed to think about Ganon as a person who was ever a child, who ever had a homeland. We are not supposed to think about how Ganon frequently empowers or takes the side of people who feel like they were kicked around by the established order.

We’re supposed to think about Ganon as avaricious, but never Ganon who wants things. We’re supposed to think about Ganon as wrathful, but never someone who knew lack or suffering or punishment. We’re supposed to think of Ganon as vindictive, but never someone who has any reason to feel he was wronged. We’re supposed to think about Ganon who hates Hyrule, but never Ganon who was ever given a reason to hate Hyrule, or resent it, or be envious about it.

And more than these factors being only implied or not implied or only there if you ‘really think hard about it’- they are frequently implied or explicitly spelled out in canon.

Wind Waker Ganon tells Link that he was a person who lived close to death in a barren wasteland of a country. He says this was his experience, and motivated his desire for Hyrule. It’s threaded into the way he phrases his wish. He states this at a point when he has nothing to gain, is not telling Link to stop fighting him or that he’s justified, but merely, with the benefit of introspection, contemplating on how his ambition began. Daphnes is right there, perfectly able to hear him, and does not contest or argue this. 

There is nothing here that suggests Ganon is a liar- especially when, in Wind Waker, Ganon is a more reliable source of exposition than Daphnes is. He doesn’t lie in any part of the game- if anything, he tells us several important things before Daphnes does (that Tetra is carrying a piece of the triforce, that the Master Sword was used to seal him, that it has lost its power, that there’s a connection between the weakening of the sword and the “pathetic fools who made it”)

Which I think takes things a step further than merely shoddy lore- because, some of this stuff, like Ganon no intuitive motive for planting Kalle Demos where he ostensibly did, and no obvious means for creating, taming, or controlling this creature, genuinely is just shoddy lore- they made a forest dungeon for the players’ enjoyment and gave it a forest boss and then contrived a reason to be there and then put it into the boss rush because everybody loves boss rushes, right? Why is there a monster there? Pin it on Ganon.

But things like literally having people lie about Ganon, when Ganon conversely doesn’t lie to Link and half the time actively explains more than the mentor figure has at that point in a way that only partially feels like monologuing- it comes back to what I said. Ganon in Wind Waker suggests that he’s not the only one spurned by the gods, but so are Link and Zelda- and, once again...

...Nothing in the series really calls him a liar about it.

But we’re not supposed to think about Ganon in the way that we wonder about him at all. We’re especially not supposed to think that there might be any way to deal with him besides killing him. In Twilight Princess, we can guess he was potentially given a trial, because of the “Arbiter” in “Arbiter’s Grounds”, but in a context where the Gerudo were decimated, and it was the direct servants of the royal family trying him, in an isolated environment that clearly condones doing all kinds of horrible things to people, far, far away from any civilians or witnesses... how fair a trial could that possibly be? 

And what does it mean about Link’s morality in that game, if he defeats Ganon by tearing open that execution wound, following the steps of the sages, and the only real rationale is he started off trying to rescue the people of Ordon- who we’re never given a good reason why they were kidnapped and then abandoned, or something that ties it back to Ganon’s orders- and tries to defend Midna, restoring her to the throne (and basically ignoring Zant’s accusations that Midna’s family abused him, because we never meet said family, or hear anything about them from anyone else) and Zelda (who’s nearly a non-entity in Twilight Princess until the final fight).

Link is presented as an ostensible neutral party because he’s not a soldier of Hyrule, but in practice, he’s kept very ignorant about the situation he’s conscripted into, and he’s given all of his cues from Hyrulean perspectives and especially those of their royal family. And we, interacting with the world through him, are similarly kept in the dark.

So- yeah, so much more of Ganon makes sense if you just don’t think about it. This was clearly the stance we were supposed to take.

But...

On the other hand...

Are we really comfortable, through the character of Link, of playing the role of an unthinking executioner, who sharpens the sword because we were told, who cuts down someone we barely know anything about, who doesn’t give us that many reasons to oppose him not filtered through things we’re told by other people? Who virtually never directly attacks until we personally chase him down?

Even if Hyrule has only the best intentions, why write a story where we just have to take a bunch of confusing and downright concerning information at face value and kill a guy because destiny says so?

If this isn’t supposed to look like we’re the unwitting servants of evil, why are we supposed to be unwitting servants at all? After all, you don’t usually hear the term “unwitting servant of justice” because the general idea is that a just cause is one that doesn’t need to lie to people.

[alleycat97]

A Night Out Pt. 3

Description: Kamilah is taken out on the town to blow some steam off with an unlikely source, Priya. Kamilah didn’t care for an all mortal nightclub but Priya promised her it would be worth it, saying she would finally get laid in over a century.

Pairing: Kamilah x MC (Aurora)

Notes: Part 3. PB characters. Slightly altered from chapter 1 of BB. General to mature audiences. Gets really good, please enjoy!

...

Kamilah sighed as she woke up in her penthouse early the following morning. Her mind was still racing and a plague of guilt was building up from the events that happened. It was too late to crawl back but she assured herself that what she did was right and Aurora was a big girl and she would understand.

So with the past night’s events behind her, Kamilah made her way to her office, greeting her employees as she did every morning and got her itinerary from her assistant. Her cellphone was ringing constantly by the time she reached her office and oddly enough it was Priya.

“Hello?” Kamilah greeted trying to boot her computer up while juggling her coffee and phone.

“Kamilah! Darling! How was it? Was she delicious as I suspected? What did you guys do? Tell me everything! Did you cuddle after? Leave nothing out! I want details!”

Kamilah should have known this is what she wanted. Should she lie about leaving or just not mention it? The guilt began to eat at her again as she tried to answer in detail all of Priya’s questions.

“In short, we did go back to her place and yes we had sex. She is incredible but I think I taught her a few things.” Kamilah spoke easily.

“You old dog! Mhm, you gotta love these baby mortals. I love letting them have the lead then putting them in their place.” Priya cooed. And she was right, Kamilah thought as she recalled taking over on Aurora. It was just vampire instinct.

“It was quite enjoyable.” Kamilah responded.

“Sooooo. When are you going to see her again?” Priya finally asked the one question Kamilah wanted to avoid.

“What makes you think I’ll see her again? It was just a fling.” Kamilah replied causally which was easier than she thought.

“Because you haven’t got any ass in over a century! I saw the way you looked at her. Now spill, when are you seeing her next?” Priya asked again.

“I’m not. I may or may not have left when she passed out.”

“YOU DID WHAT!” Priya said choking on her morning drink. “Please tell me you didn’t pull a hit and run on her. That’s low even for me!”

“Hey! All it was, was a casual hookup, nothing more.” Kamilah lied to herself. “We are both adults and besides, it’s not like I’m going to see her anytime soon.”

“The great Kamilah Sayeed, pulled a one night stand on a sweet innocent mortal, my god I’ve created a monster!” Priya laughed hysterically.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve got work to do.” Kamilah sighed, trying to get past the guilt trip Priya was pushing on her.

“Ok darling. Try and save some for the rest of us.” Priya cried out mock laughter as Kamilah hung up and slowly massaged her temples looking over her schedule, highlighting the meeting with Adrian and Lester that evening.

...

Aurora frantically rushed into the Lobby of the Raines Corporation, surprisingly on time. The building was beautiful and It was filled with well dressed people walking back and forth on a mission. She saw the sign that was labeled ‘interviews’ and went to sign in. It was then she regretted not having dressing up more official, but it was all because of her...Kamilah.

She took her seat trying to set aside the atrocious ending to what was a perfect night so that she could nail this interview and finally get a good job. She needed this job to prove to herself and everyone back home that she could make it in New York.

A door opened and a rather tall but beautiful woman by the name of Nicole stepped out and called for Aurora to join her. It surprised Aurora that she was being interviewed by someone so high up in the company, but as Nicole stated, the position she applied for meant that the perfect person needed to be chosen to help assist Adrian, the CEO. Speaking of the man, he stepped in and took over the interview. Aurora didn’t want to admit that she was extremely nervous now, but she tried her best to impress him and judging by his reactions to her answers, she was hitting it out of the park.

“Well it seems you are certainly qualified for this position and I like your attitude and ambition. Does working into the night bother you? We tend to get busy.” Adrian asked putting an emphasis on his last question.

“Oh that’s no problem! I’ve always been a night owl.”

“You’re hired.” Was the next words from Adrian’s mouth and the shock overwhelmed not only Aurora, but Nicole aswell.

“But sir! We have 15 other candidates, you can’t just choose the 1st...” Nicole protested.

“There is no need. I have my assistant here. Cancel the rest of the interviews Nicole.”

“I..but..yes sir.” Nicole said ducking out of the conference room.

“Wow. Thank you for picking me! I swear I won’t let you down Mr. Raines! I needed this job!” Aurora cheered, the shock wearing off.

“Please, just call me Adrian.”

“So when can I start?” Aurora asked.

“Right now.” Adrian stood and ushered Aurora to the elevator. Filling the young girl in on the do’s and dont’s. He explained that her job was to help him function smoothly and make sure everything he needed to do was laid out and organized. He showed her everything she needed to get started and who to ask if she had questions. He showed her the desk she would use, it sat in front of Adrian’s personal office and across from the conference room. Aurora was eager to finally get started but it was getting late. The day had flown by but Adrian had one last job.

“Aurora before you go, I would like for you to head down to the basement and retrieve some items I picked out for my guest this evening. There is 3 total. One is for me and 2 are for my guest. Now run along my meeting starts in...”

“30 minutes!” Aurora interjected impressing Adrian that she knew.

As Aurora entered the basement she was met by a old man that was haggling her about the proper procedure to check things out.

“Listen you old hag, this is my first day ok. I’ll try and remember but if I don’t get these item’s now, you are endangering my job and I know you don’t want me to go get Adrian. Just give me my stuff.”

The old man sighed and grumbled towards the back of the basement returning with a box. In the box was a silver dagger from the 14th century, intended for Mr. Castellanos. An Egyptian scarab that was 2100 years old, intended for Ms. Sayeed and a vial of red mandrake extract for Adrian.

Aurora made it back just in time and knocked on the conference room door, greeted by Adrian who let her in. She noticed the older burly man first, then she noticed the second person. She tripped and fell over a chair by the shear shock of being in the same room with the woman again.

Kamilah didn’t even glance at the door when Adrian’s assistant walked in. She was focused on this meeting, that was until the girl had a nasty fall over a chair, rolling her ankle on the way down. Kamilah pushed her chair back and tried to assist the girl up until she came face to face with the person she was avoiding, Aurora.

Aurora was staring at Kamilah, the woman who ran out on her a little over 12 hours ago. She didn’t know how to feel. Angry? Hurt? Embarrassed? They all filled her mind as she shook Kamilah’s hands away and stood up on her own, ankle throbbing in pain and her pride severely damaged.

“Aurora are you ok?” Adrian asked.

“I’m fine.” Aurora claimed as she shot daggers directly at Kamilah who sat back down trying to figure out how the hell to escape this nightmare.

“Well ok. I think we should start by giving my guests here their gifts. Aurora? Would you do the honors?”

Aurora passed out the Scarab first. Noting that it was a symbol of rebirth. Kamilah sighed, of course the girl was intelligent. The world just seemed to be punishing her for flaking on her.

Then Aurora handed the dagger to Lester, or “daddy” as he insisted, touching Aurora inappropriately. Making the girl squirm, looking around for help. The look she saw on Aurora’s face sent Kamilah flashing back to the club the evening before when she first laid eyes on the mortal. Rage, jealousy and the urge to protect Aurora came flooding back. So Kamilah, moving impossibly fast, jerked Lester away from Aurora, and slammed him down into his chair.

“Ow Kamilah! You broke my hand!” He winced.

“If you so much as look at her wrong from now on, I’ll kill you myself. Are we clear?” She threatened.

Aurora didn’t know what to do. She was so confused emotionally. The room began to grow smaller and smaller and everyone’s gaze was on her. She panicked, and ran out the door leaving the three vampires to their meeting.

“What the hell was that about?” Adrian asked Kamilah at her sudden outburst.

“It’s...It’s complicated.”

[forgottenvoice]

I have finally finished finals this semester and will now try and do some more writing. To all of my new followers because of the HASO story, like I said before that was a one off story, however I think I am going to do a rewrite of it because I am not entirely satisfied with the state and flow of it at current.

Quick context for this one, I am/was an army brat and so this is half personal experience half an amalgamation of the experiences of all my friends. Dont necessarily take this as exactly what it's like for everyone as experiences may vary.

Also if any of you like a specific part of this story let me know. I can write at least this much on any subsection of this story alone. So if something catches your eye I am more than happy to write on it.

..........

I sit in a pool of memories slowly drifting from thought to thought. Moving time is upon us and in preperation it's time to purge all unnecessary items from the house. I flash back to when I was younger, my mom is holding up a cheap drive-thru toy. She looks at me expectantly waiting for a response to a silent question.

"Let go," I say as she drops the item in a box bound for good will only to hold up another object of mine.

In years past this process of sorting through all of my belongings was a team effort between my parents and I, but now since I am older and my younger brother needs the help, I am left to my own to sift through my possessions.

I tip over a box of assorted things and wonder through my past lives. Each object acts as a mile marker through my life and each move a save point. Any thing that I have kept until now, my 10th move in 16 years, has, if not clearly designed for enjoyment or play, held some significance to me. Almost nothing out of this box is discarded because as the years go on the importance of these objects only increases.

Not only is this process a reminder for me of all my past appearances, it serves a highly functional purpose. The first is that the government will only pay for so much to be moved and we typically own more than they are willing to pay for, so we cut back. The second reason is in acknowledgment of a harsher reality of the world, people don't care about kids stuff. Unless one takes great care to prepackaged or show that the objects in a child's room are fragile, everything from toys to trophies will all be haphazardly thrown into a random box.

I move on carefully looking over my display case looking for anything that could easily break if not properly stored. My eyes come to rest on a fake flower made out of fabric by my mom. The pain of high school love torn apart bites at my mind. This flower was the partner to the corsage that I gave to my date to prom. I remember being so excited to go with her because I am homeschooled and never thought I would get anything like a prom. But it doesn't matter now, her family moved in the opposite direction that we were going about 4 weeks ago. I almost leave the flower there, resolving to let fate decide if it is valuable, but as I am turning a away my hand reaches out on seemingly its own and drops the fake plant into an old cigar box for protection. I guess I will control fate this time

.......

The house is empty and clean. Everyone is doing one last walk through of this place to make sure nothing is left behind even though something always is. As I look for anything I also remember everything making sure to not leave a single memory trapped in the walls of this temporary home of mine. As I tramp down the stairs, in my head I am gliding gracefully on a piece of a box after moving in. Mom insisted on being safe and I can now almost see the pile of stuffed animals and pillows that my brothers and I had piled at the end of the make shift ramp to satisfy her worry. As I jump into the nonexistent pile, I drop into the living room, where, despite all the cleaning we did, I can still see the spots on the carpet from the feet of the sofa, a sofa my mom was confined to for the better part of our time here while she was busy kicking cancer's ass. A darkness sets at the edge of my vision slowly consuming all I can see as my head is bombarded by negative memories from those days. As I hit the door, the light from outside shatters the dark over my mind like a hammer through glass. As we pull away I want nothing to do with that house again, not even looking back one last time.

....

I lay piled under the stiff covers of the hotel. It is the night before we leave for the airport and I start to unpack the last few days. They have gone by like a blur but I know I will remember them for years to come. First there was my eagle scout ceremony where I reaped the reward of all my hard work over specifically the last few months but really the past 6 years. It was the last time I will see most of those people given that none of them were military and I plan on never ending up back here. Then there was chapel. The last service at this place where I tried to just act like everything was normal, just a regular Christmas sunday. I showed up 2 hours early just like every week, where I then took my place in the sound booth mixing the best sound that the chapel had in years or so I have been told. It all went wrong though when the preacher leaned his head into the booth telling me to turn on his mic for one quick last announcement, where I was called up on stage for a farewell. However, the one "last time" that I really will miss happened earlier in the day when I hung out with my friends for the last time. The group had shrunk considerably by that time due to a huge fallout between members and others were taken by the army but what remained was solid. As I left them I said seeya because you never know when the army will bring friends back together. Well for that reason and one other. In the days leading up to the move you see everyone at different random times and so you never really know when you will see them for the last time. It is always easier to say a casual goodbye everytime and never actually have a formal one than to treat every farewell like the last one and live the pain multiple times. However, less pain doesn't mean no pain. I blank my mind for the rest of the night gathering all emotions and putting them in a cardboard box to unpack later in more healthy time.

.....

On the plane something magical happens. You see noone but a select few get to rewrite their lives every few years. During transition, when the body and mind are free of the last place, a morph occurs. This change is unseen by all because your family already knows the real you. However you get to change yourself completely before landing at the new place. You get to change what information you share with everyone and by selecting how you act and what you reveal you can choose who you are to everyone. The best part is there is noone from your old life to mess it up and break the illusion and throw a wrench into the act. You can become whomever you want to be. It takes skill to execute properly, it requires that you craft a mask so intricate and durable that noone questions its authenticity and no shock can damage it, but I have had a life times worth of practice. Who will I become only I know and who I was is only stored in the memories of objects in boxes and the minds of people thousands of miles away.

....

It's been almost 4 years since that move yet it still sticks out in my head. I did not know it at the time but it was the last move I ever made with my family. My plans changed and I started my life before i had originally planned and now moves like that are a thing of the past, a memory held in objects. Unfortunately with growing up requires one last mask switch, this one more permanent. Hopefully my experience beyond my years set my up better than my peers at finding the correct one. Who knows what it will look like when it is finished. I have been working on this one for the longest time of any, nearly 2 years now, much longer than a single plane flight. It won't be done for at least another 2 but we will see. I can only hope I will be happy with this one because unlike the cyclic replacement of masks in my youth, when I decide to put this one on who knows when it will come off.

[sassycassie-s-writing]

One PM Pajamas

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): Final Fantasy XV/Prompto Argentum

Rating: PG/K+

Original Idea: Nothing. Just a cute scene in my head.

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) Hopefully this reads as cute as it was when I imagined it.

^^^^^

When my doorbell rang at one in the afternoon, I really should have been prepared to answer it.

But was I?

Nope.

I was eating a Cup Noodle for lunch in my pajamas without pants on—just in my giant T-shirt and underwear. My hair had been brushed but that was it.

I crept to the door and peered through the peephole.

Confused, I opened the door just enough to peek around it, letting it get caught on the chain. “Prompto! What are you doing here?” I asked.

He beamed at me. “I need your advice,” he said.

“You sure that’s a good idea? Last time you took my advice you dislocated your shoulder.”

“I trust no one else with this question.” The seriousness behind the playful look he gave me convinced me. I shut the door, slid the chain to release it, and opened it again. I let it swing wide to let him in, pulling my shirt down to more securely cover my modesty.

“Well, if you’d called first, I could have looked like a normal person when you showed up. Let me put some pants on. Make yourself at home. Grab a snack and a drink if you want. Be right back.”

I headed down the hallway to my bedroom, still making sure my T-shirt was pulled down.

“Hey how come you’re in your jammies at one in the afternoon?” Prompto called jokingly.

“Buzz off!” I shouted, shutting my bedroom door to change. “Mimi and I stayed up till like three-AM watching makeup tutorials and trying to replicate them!” I shucked off my pajamas and pulled on a normal person outfit. Nothing fancy—it was Prompto. He’d known me since we were kids.

“Where is your roommate anyway? She gonna walk in on our secret discussion?”

“Decidedly not. She’s at work all day,” I said. “Hence why I'm eating a Cup Noodle in my pajamas at one in the afternoon.” I went back into the living room. Prompto was sprawled on the sofa, holding a bag of chips.

“What in Eos, gurl!” he teased, throwing a pillow at me. “You said you were putting on pants not a formal outfit!”

“Sweats and a T-shirt that’s actually in my size is not a formal outfit, Argentum,” I snapped, grabbing my Cup Noodle from the breakfast bar and plopping down on the sofa next to him. “Now what’s up?”

“I need your advice.”

“So you said. Carry on.”

“Okay. So. There’s this girl—”

“Ooooh! A girl! Prompto Argentum has finally succumbed to the endless stream of romcoms in his Chocoflix queue and fallen in love himself!”

“Shut up,” he muttered. His ears and cheeks were turning bright red.

I laughed and gave him a hug. “C’mon, Prom. You know I love and support you in all your endeavors. And that includes dating. I'm just surprised you’ve finally fallen for someone.” I crossed my legs and put some noodles in my mouth. “Now. What about this girl? What do you like about her? What do you want from your interactions with her? Are you going to ask her out?”

“Uh… she’s smart, funny, nice. Seems to actually care about me—which is, y’know, awesome. I don’t know. I’ve known her for a while and I just… well. I realized the other day that I was head-over-heels for her with no idea what to do about it.”

“So you came to me.”

“Well I would trust no one else with this information.” He gave me a mock-serious glance.

I laughed. “Okay. So do you want to ask her out?”

“Yeah… but I'm nervous that if I do, it’ll destroy our friendship. And I value our friendship a lot.”

I pursed my lips, jovial mood souring slightly. “That does put a damper on things. It’s a hard tightrope to walk, I’ll admit. Because feelings change things and knowing about someone’s feelings changes things. Like, if you liked her and kept it secret, you could just go on being friends and she’d never be any the wiser if you played it right. But if you told her how you really feel… well. There’s always the chance of rejection and then the awkwardness that comes after. Because you want to try to still be friends but she knows you want to be more.”

“So what do I do?”

“Honestly, Prompto, that’s up to you. I can’t make that decision for you. I feel like if you really like her and she seems favorable to the idea, you could ask her on a low-key, friendly sort of date. Which seems counterintuitive, I know. But, like, ask her if she’s seen that new movie and if she’d like to go see it with you. Or offer to grab lunch with her sometime to chat. If she agrees, you can try stepping it up. I don’t know, Prompto. I'm Miss Forever Single, remember?”

“Well… just tell me what you would want if some guy you’ve been friends with for a while suddenly asked you out.”

“Depends. Is he a creep that I’ve known for a while?”

Prompto sighed. “I hope not. Okay. Imagine it was me. You and I have been friends for… how long now? Twelve years? Since we were kids. What if I asked you out. Would you say yes?”

“Of course I’d say yes. It’s you. You’re like… the greatest, sweetest guy in all of Lucis.” I smiled and flipped some hair off my shoulder. “Any girl—actually, any person—would be lucky to snatch you up. Like, you are a catch, Prompto. And if this girl doesn’t see it… that’s her loss. Truly. You don’t have to start big, Prom. Just be casual. And be yourself. You’re awesome.”

Prompto regarded me thoughtfully, munching on some chips while I had another mouthful of noodles. “Thanks. I guess you’re right. Casual sounds really nice, actually. Like… less pressure, y’know?”

I smiled. “Oh yeah. And really, girls don’t always like fancy dates. Getting ready is a hassle and sometimes it’s awkward. I love chill dates. Like that blind date I went on a couple weeks ago. We literally went to the arcade in jeans and sneakers and stuff and played games. It was great. He smoked me at Skee-Ball but I beat him at Crossy Road. Like, that’s where the real fun and enjoyment is. To me anyway. Your crush might like being splurged on and pampered but ugh why.”

That made Prompto laugh. “No… I think she wouldn’t mind a casual date.”

“So go for it. We don’t get a lot of time on this planet. Sometimes we just have to shout YOLO while diving headfirst into the deep end.”

Prompto knew how much I hated the term YOLO for being annoying, but it got my point across and made him smile. He had such a bright smile. It always managed to make me happy just by seeing it. Which was probably why I had so many framed photos of the two of us in my room—though that was also because I got one every year on my birthday from him.

“You’re right. I think I will ask her out on a casual date.”

“Do it. And tell me how it goes!”

“Yeah. Yeah I will,” he said. He gave me a hug. “You’re the best dating coach in the world.”

“For being perpetually single?”

“Well, coaches don’t play the sport.”

I laughed. Prompto let me go and put the chips he got out of my cupboard away.

“I'm gonna call her on my walk home.”

“Tell me how it goes. Text me when you get home so I know you got home safe, ‘kay?”

“You got it, gurl!”

I ruffled his hair. He groaned and swatted at me like I was an irritating fly before heading for the door. We exchanged another hug and he left. I disposed of my Cup Noodles and went into my room so I could get some work done for Ignis before he started breathing down my neck. Mimi and I had a small study where we literally just stored books and the fancy desk my dad had given me when I moved out. I only used it when I was feeling really productive. I sat at the desk with my laptop and set to work.

I wasn’t sure how long I was typing up reports and council notes that Ignis had handwritten—thank the Six his handwriting was as neat as a computer font and perfectly legible no matter how fast he was writing—but I could feel the passage of at least a few minutes in a slight ache in my shoulder.

Out in the living room, my phone buzzed.

I sighed. “What now?” I muttered.

I got up and ran to get it.

Incoming Call: Prompto XD

“Hello?”

“Hey! Would you want to come catch a movie with me sometime? It doesn’t have to be anything formal.”

“Oh my word. Were you talking about me?!” I demanded.

All I got in response was laughter.

“Prompto Argentum! I cannot believe you asked me for advice on how to ask me out. I hate you so much that I love you right now. Of course I’ll catch a movie with you sometime. If I can get this stupid report of Ignis’ done, I’ll be free tonight.”

“That’s great! I’ll come pick you up at five-thirty?”

I laughed. “Absolutely. I’ll be ready.”

[lifeofalaurie]

my uwc story

i remember reading through uwc blogs when i had just found out about uwc and when i was applying and going through all those months of WAITING for the next step...and they were so helpful. im so glad these exist

i first found out uwc through my brother’s friend, who actually went to UWC atlantic college (where im headed!!!!) a few years back. it was one ordinary saturday afternoon (idk if it was actually saturday but that sounds right) and we were carpooling with said friend (usually i dont participate in these but i happened to be in the car that day) and we were talking about next year and whatever and she just kinda said that she wasn’t going to be back next year bc she was going to this ‘abroad’ program. i didnt even really think about it that much. i in fact forgot about it after that...apparently my dad did not.

so my dad would talk about it here and there but i was NOT INTERESTED for that whole year..then...i started researching a bit myself and thought oh this sounds kind of cool. i still didn't really get what UWC even was or if was even a legit thing. it just sounded like another boarding school (a huge NO for me). then i saw that there was a such thing as a “short program” (or maybe someone actually told me about it) and i decided to apply for the one at the USA campus in New Mexico. i remember writing the essays over winter break and thinking they were pretty terrible (there was also a skype interview involved and that was rough) so i was pretty shocked when i found out i had gotten in but it worked out well bc my fam was going to arizona anyway a week before that so i just flew to new mexico myself after that (i say that casually but we had to cancel tickets and get new ones so that i could go to new mexico instead of home PLUS i had to fly for myself for the first time and i was pretty confused). (also, the program is called global leadership forum or GLF)

after hermit’s peak hike (ALL UPHILL FOR A SOLID 4-5 HOURS) i think it was like 8 miles IDK. view was so nice though 10/10

GLF turned out to be an amazing experience and really solidified my trust in UWC and confirmed to me that it was indeed a real thing. i really loved how much we did in those 2 and half weeks or so - camping, hiking, interacting w wolves, having important discussions - and it really pushed me to decide to apply to UWC for real. maybe ill talk more about it in another post!!!!

ok so coming home i did even more research and really really started liking UWC and decided that i might as well try to apply. i knew they never had a certain ‘criteria’ for students but i also knew it was a long and stressful process and involved really digging deep so i really didn’t think much of it (didn’t think i really had a chance) after submitting my written application. and then began the long waiting game...

here’s a nice picture of the sky @ a wolf reservation! just wanted to add a nice pic 

i never joined any of those fb groups or college confidential things for applicants and good thing bc looking at some of them now stress me out so i wouldve probably been even more stressed if i had been involved in that. also i didnt even know they existed until later so thats also probably why.

anyway i had totally forgotten about UWC (more like i was sure they’d forgotten about me or there had been something wrong like my application wasn’t submitted or something) bc i didnt hear back until the end of november (i submitted the application early october). but finding out i was a semifinalist was kind of traumatic bc in my GLF snapchat group one of my friends (who’s going to Pearson this year!!!) said he’d moved on to the next stage and i hadn’t GOTTEN ANY EMAIL. i think i just accepted it that that was the end. but then a few hours passed when i finally decided to check a different email and, alas, there it was. so a few days later, i got an email from my interviewer when we should do our skype interview and it turned out to be the same day i was taking the ACT. good

the interview turned out to be completely ok and actually really great (enjoyable even!!?). if youre at that stage, seriously the best advice i have is to just chill and be honest when youre answering. also, make it more like a conversation rather than the interviewers (yes there are prob going to be more than 1 but i assure u its ok) asking u questions back and forth. think of it as a conversation- that helped me so much to relax. the interviewers just wants to talk to you and find out what kind of person you are and if youre the same one that wrote all those deep meaningful essays from the written application - so if you were honest from the start youll be completely fine...if not, well..sry

after that, school and extracurriculars and life really went up for me and i just forgot about UWC again. i never really told any of my friends about it or anyone except for my parents. i kind of wanted it to be a personal thing- get in or not in the end.

after a really good last day of school before winter break, i went to the town library (lol) and checked my phone and therE IT WAS. I WAS A FINALIST WHICH MEANT I WOULD BE GOING TO THE UWC USA CAMPUS FOR FINALIST WEEKEND. did not know what to expect

waiting for finalist weekend felt looooong

but it came

i flew there myself AND IT WASNT EVEN DIRECT and i remember feeling so independent and proud for making it. it turned out i was one of the later ones and in the last group to be bussed over (but i met a friend on the bus who i still talk to here and there who is going to RBC this yr!!). we were so late we missed the initial meeting and first night of activities and just went straight to the hotel. at the hotel i saw my interviewer and she gave me a hug (<3) and that helped calm me down and it was also really nice to see her in person bc i remember really liking her during our skype interview. then finalist weekend happened. and im pretty sure im not supposed to expose the process so all i can say was that it was actually so genuinely fun and a real good time 

UWC USA <3 

at the end we all exchanged social media and fb and all that and started a messenger group chat -- as nice as it was to be able to connect to everyone, i think it really stressed everyone out. they told us that results would come out early that week (FALSE). THAT WEEK AFTER FINALIST WEEKEND WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING EVER. IT TOOK YEARS FOR IT TO GO BY. i remember constantly checking my email between classes and everyone in the group chat wondering if anyone had heard. then on wed night, we all got an email that said the results would be notified by friday instead. the worst

i remember that friday evening i was packing for my first hackathon (it was fun) and thinking the call wouldnt come until later that night. people were freaking out all over the group chat. then, as i was scrambling packing my sweatpants into my bag, the home phone started ringing and i ran..RAN TO THE PHONE. it said my interviewer’s name on the caller ID and i was like OK THIS I S REAL. and i picked it up and it turned out i was too late so i frantically called back probably 10 times on multiple different phones (my efforts did not work). but then, i got a call to the home phone again and it was her so i picked up RIGHT AWAY and when she told me... i kid you not that i screamed and ran around my house a few times. so thats it. it was kind of a really long and sstressful process for sure, but SOO WORTH IT. i definitely learned a lot just from that process bc it makes you think and reflect a lot all throughout. weeee

if youre even thinking about applying please GO FOR IT (well as long as ur in the right age limit, 16-18.... and also make sure you’ve done some research to get a feel for it).. but just DO IT. and u can ask me questions if u want and ill answer to the best of my personal ability (but remember that im just one person and one experience and each person’s experience is completely different)

here is the general website btw:

https://www.uwc.org/

i will probably do another post to explain UWC - at least in my own words and perspective!

<3 <3 <3

[mafiabosstsuna]

This blog's notification was the only thing that made me happy in the mornings...Thanks for the amazing fics and stuff. They helped me a lot during hard times! Hibari, Giotto and Hayato supporting their s/o in their project/university course. But of course, in a mafioso way~ Ps: i love this blog with my all being plx dont leave :c

[ I hope we can still make you happy, even though the old admins aren’t writing with us anymore. I’m sure they would be honored than this blog and their writing was able to help you. Having such loyal readers is a gift and I sincerely hope that moving forward, we can uphold their standards. Nevertheless, thank you for writing in, and here’s to better times ahead!

                                                                         –Admin Giotto ]

[ Additional Notes: The grading system mentioned in Hibari’s portion is the American system where an A represents 90th percentile of a grade, a B the 80th, and so on. An F is anything below the 50th percentile, and the lowest you can receive in most schools, meaning that you’ve failed the class (or assignment).

The economics course only allowing the top 10% of students to receive an A and only half of the students to pass the class altogether is actually based on a real economics teacher I had in high school. He was a dick, and this was therapeutic to write. ]

Hibari:

“What a useless grading scheme,” Hibari turned over the syllabus in his long fingers, frowning at the percentages listed in bold. “It’s not even curved.”

“It’s an economics class,” You explain, and run a frustrated hand through your hair. “The professor is using the scarcity principle to game our grades. It’s stupid and completely rigged to justify favoritism. It’s been that way all semester.”

The heavy sigh that blew out of you pulled Hibari’s attention from the syllabus, and his dark eyes focused on the defeated slump of your shoulders.

“Half the class will actually fail? Only ten percent will achieve top marks?” He set the syllabus back with your things, considering the system’s merit.

“Yeah. My GPA shouldn’t take a blow just because someone else scored an A, too.”

“I see.” The answer seemed obvious to Hibari. If the goal of the class was to reflect the resource scarcity of real life, then the answer was to ensure your control of resources.

You gave an exhausted laugh, and let your head fall onto the pages of your textbook. “Yeah, me too.”

————–

“Hibari,” You called, wandering into the house. He looked up from his book, and you held your final grades transcript for the semester up in confusion. “I…. I got an A.”

“Don’t you usually?” The answer was casual, almost bored.

“Not in this class. Not my economics class.”

“You received an A because you have ties to the mafia.”

It took you a moment to process that. Hibari was never so…. so blasé about mafia business. Or using it to interfere in your life.

“I… I’m sorry, what? What about mafia ties?”

“The only solution to acquiring a scarce resource is to seize the control of that resource.” Hibari turned the page of his book, seeming to have lost interest.

“Hibari, what did you do? Did you rig my grades?!”

“Your professor wanted to simulate reality. Reality is that your ties to the mafia give you a means that other students don’t have. Those means secured your grade.” He raised an eyebrow, as if this were obvious.

“I worked so hard,” Your voice shook. “I studied for hours, and whatever grade I would’ve gotten, I would have deserved! Because it would have been me that earned it, not the mafia! Not my boyfriend! Not my professor being threatened!”

“Why are you upset about succeeding?” Hibari’s brow furrowed, his attention no longer on the book in his lap. “Is it so upsetting that you received an A you would have deserved, if it weren’t for his justifications for favoritism?” He threw your words back at you, like they justified what he had done.

“I wasn’t successful! You were!” You all but screamed, shaking the paper at him. “I worked hard, Hibari! I wanted to do this myself!”

“Success isn’t about hard work,” His tone was clipped. “It’s about strategy. It’s about playing the game, and using the means at your disposal. And you won this round, _____. That’s what success is.”

————————————————————————————–

Giotto:

“I’m never gonna finish this paper before the deadline!” Stress radiated from every tense line of your body as you frantically poured over research, hands flying over each keystroke like your fingers were on fire.

“Ah, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll have enough time!” Giotto laid a soothing hand between your shoulder blades, and kissed the top of your head.

Within an hour, your professor issued a class-wide extension of the deadline. You breathed a sigh of relief, and went to get a cup of coffee.

——–

“Oh, this class looks interesting. It even counts towards my prerequisites!” You tapped the title in your course book excitedly, showing the man poised over your shoulder. It was so rare to find enjoyable classes that counted towards your core curriculum. Skimming through the information listed, your good mood fell abruptly. Only worth three credits. Silently, you put an X through it and turned the page, continuing your search before the registration deadline hit.

His hand stopped yours, smoothing the page back down.

“You’re not going to take it?”

“No,” You sighed. “It’s only three credits. I’d have to take another class to get all my credits in under the prerequisites, and that’s too expensive and way too much time. I’ll have to find something else.”

You tried to keep the disappointed tone out of your voice, but Giotto’s thoughtful hum meant you had failed miserably. He took your pen and scribbled down the course number.

“Just in case,” He told you. “Keep looking. I’ll be back later.” The apologetic look usually meant he had mafia business. Brushing it off, you went back to your search.

A week later, students were issued an updated course catalog just in time for the semester registration. Of the notable changes made, there as just one that interested you- the credits for the course you had so badly wanted to take had changed.

Four credits. Just enough to fill the requirement.

You eyes narrowed suspiciously.

——–

“I think the university made a mistake.” You kept your tone casual, not ready to show your hand. Instead, you focused on the screen in front of you, wearing a face of light confusion.

“A mistake?” Giotto’s brow furrowed in concern, and he peered over your shoulder. “How so?”

“It says my tuition has been paid.” You narrowed your eyes, and looked up at him. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Giotto?”

His face pinched, and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Of course not–  ”

“  –So if I ask your secretary, she’s not gonna show me a bank statement that has a withdrawal to my university in it?” You interrupted, crossing your arms. Giotto was a terrible liar, at least when it came to you.

He paused and took a breath, seeming to carefully consider his next words.

“…..I only want you to be able to focus on your studies without worrying about the money.”

“I have a job and I can pay my own tuition.”

“You shouldn’t need to work your way through school.” He frowned, mirroring your frustration.

“I can do this myself! I don’t need you to pay my way, especially without my permission.”

“You don’t have to do this yourself.” Although it hadn’t been cross to begin with, his tone gentled. “I know you can. But you don’t have to.”

Your arms fell apart, anger draining out of you at his words.

“There’s nothing you can’t do yourself. But I’ll always be here to support you. Always.”

————————————————————————————–

Hayato:

“Don’t you think you’re spending a little too much time with those shitty textbooks?”

You poke your head up from the stack of homework you’ve accumulated.

“Are you jealous of my assignments, Gokudera?” There’s a coy smile you’re fighting to keep off your of your lips, as you peer at him in amusement.

“I’m not fucking jealous, I just think you’re neglecting your duties to the Famiglia.” He fixes you with a glare, but you’ve learned to read Hayato’s moods like the back of your hand.

He’s not mad. He isn’t even worried about mafia business. He’s jealous.

“I just have to get through midterms and I’ll be back to normal, okay?” You give him a reassuring smile, turning the pen in your fingers. As cute as it is that he wants your attention, you really need to get this assignment done.

“No,” He snaps. “You’re spending too much fucking time studying and you’re always gone at classes when you’re needed here. This isn’t working, ____.”

The agreement had been that, even while taking classes, your first priority would the Famiglia. And in your eyes, you had upheld that bargain beautifully. Anger finally getting the best of you, you dropped the pen and stood, planting the hands on the pages in front of you.

“I never miss a training session! I never miss a mission! There’s not a day I haven’t sacrificed going to class if I was needed for something, and you know it! You want to talk about always being gone? Where are you, half the time anyways, huh?”

“I’m off taking extra missions to keep work off you back, idiot!” Hayato unfolds himself from the doorway, standing to his full height as his own anger flares to life. “I make sure you have time to go to class! I take other partners so you can write your shitty term papers! And it’s not gonna keep working like that!”

You blinked, staring at him open-mouthed. You’d had no idea he was working so hard to give you time for school. Hadn’t known there were missions he took behind your back so you could focus on assignments.

“I’m sorry,” The words spilled out of your mouth. “I’m sorry, Gokudera. I…. I didn’t realize.”

He scoffs. “Yeah, I bet you didn’t.”

“I’ll cut down to part time. I won’t make you cover for me, anymore.”

Hayato eyes you skeptically, but nods. The small gesture speaks volumes about his support. If he didn’t want you in university, he wouldn’t demanded you pull out altogether. If he thought your degree was a waste of time, he wouldn’t have cut down your mafia duties behind your back.

“And…..Gokudera?” He throws a glance over his shoulder, having turned to leave.

“Thanks.”

“Whatever. You’d better not fuckin’ fail those classes.”

You smile.

[kosmicdream]

The Bizarre Pacing of Feast For a King

I WROTE ANOTHER LITTLE JOURNAL THING ABOUT MY COMIC enjoy

Feast for a king, right now, is around 4350 pages long. (A bit more than that, especially if you include the 80 page bonus chapter) but one thing about this story that stands out and ultimately becomes one of the biggest deciding factors of a readers enjoyment is the way I handle pacing.

Besides the ‘rough’ artwork, its absolutely the #1 thing people comment on. Disorienting, Rambling or meandering, it very much encapsulates a style that you would not typically find in a comic. It promotes an atmosphere of, obviously lacking an ‘editor’ who would attempt to reel things in or get to the point. As its creator, I’m very aware with how strange it is but that’s exactly one of the reason why I attempt to commit to it. I allow myself this strange liberty to participate in this comic in a format that is very revealing of all my flaws.. but also helps me discover my strengths as well. And besides that, it really gives me the most clear window of the possibilities of my skills.

Still at this point in my comic creating process, I start to hesitate to call this format experimental anymore. I understand that it is, but it also just.. is how I like to make comics. By calling it experimental, i find that I take myself a little less seriously as an artist. Or that it becomes a little more easy to put down what makes this process work and why its effective.

In the eyes of many, it breaks necessary boundaries and there’s not a lot pause for air. Its just like this, the entire way that it goes. Its something you must confront and deal with in order to read the story. I think that in a way, I use this pacing also as a protective wall for myself. The only problem is that it also isolates me from a larger audience. Which kind of sucks because, i think that my story is very special and i’d love for more people to read it because.. id.. like to make this my career and support me. I’m sure there are a lot of other aspects of my comic that make it hard to read besides the pacing but, I think that my pacing is something that I’d like to address in more detail as to why i do it. It IS absolutely an intentional choice, but at the same time, I’m not sure if its a choice I can really undo anymore. So perhaps its actually just something I can’t help but do.

1) The largest reason that I do this pacing is because its reflective of my main source of inspiration, Roleplaying! And, my favorite method of roleplaying is actually a very simple format close to chat-based style. I’ve been roleplaying since i was 11 and making characters and stories ever since. Its where I feel more comfortable working and exploring ideas. I wanted to make a comic feel like how I do when I roleplay. And how i roleplay is often filled with mundane, small scenes of almost pointless activities which end up really building that atmosphere or illusion that these characters are always living their lives somewhere, even if we don’t notice. I’m obsessed with documenting all that small boringness. The more i can pull out of myself, the better it feels. I feel like its a reward to get to see those things, and its the kind of attention to detail that often hooks me in when I experience other media. Its like, oh my god, i love this character fussing with a flashlight or looking for food at a grocery store. Tying their shoes. Fussing over their thoughts in a moment. These are things I cling to and want to take the time to mention. You can do all those in roleplaying without it being super distracting because its casual, but suddenly when its in the format of a comic it just-- doesn’t seem necessary. and it isnt. but thats why its such a treat to get it. But it also just stops being a treat when its constant, and instead, its all the time. Its just the normal standard. You’d think that make its loose its appeal... but for me i just, want more of it. Its really an obsessive hunger. I realized that i could do it this way in a comic and I never wanted it to stop. And i dont have to. That’s what makes it so cool but i feel like..im cheating at something by having so much..fun?

2) Meandering gives you plenty of fucking time to plan ahead. Oh it sure as fuck does. Oh my god. I am not even kidding. The satisfaction of feeling like I’ve got all my plans together because I spent hundreds of pages of my characters fucking around (sometimes literally FUCKING around) is amazing. I love just not having to worry about shit for a while because if i was hitting all these huge story beats at all the time, i think I would evaporate and miss out on just the slow, happy experience of getting to know my world so intimately and feeling very comfortable with how it unfolds. I sit and debate on things and Its like ahh, thank god I don’t feel a rush to get around to do anything. I love just being chill and drawing my characters walking around and doing fucking nothing but walking around and its like damn I could be walking around right now too, but I’m not. They are. What am i typing right now?

When exciting things happen in my comic, I love it. But i also love working by making basically mental buffer pages. Its like the camera kept rolling and following the crew around. Once again, basically ties into the “mundane” aspect, but it just gives a very nice satisfaction of not feeling rushed to do anything until its time to do it. personally, i think that if we are given more time with characters, even just by seeing there, we get a little more fonder of them. Like seeing a regular at a coffee shop or like, a video game npc bouncing around in the corner in the same spot for the entire game. They’re there and its a reliable landmark. Until it goes away. :)

3) Pay off. I’ve lulled you all into this false sense of mundane non changing-ism. Just think though. I could pull that fucking rug out at any time and all those little cute moments suddenly become very upsetting because that was all you got. It sucks now. See? I’ve manipulated you from the start and ive planted the little seeds in your mind-just kidding. everything is fine and no one will ever experience sad things in ffak. ONLY happy endings.

4) What’s the forth reason? Ummmmm....... I can take breaks from my own comic and then go into the past of the same story, or write about some random character... and then like. just do a totally different comic for a bit. and no one can say i cant do that, because if Its just what i wanna do you just.. get to see some of that. and i can extend one single day for as long as i want. i might just draw an entire chapter about sneezy the worm if i wanted. 600 pages of sneezy the worm. you want to hear about sneezy the worm? no? you want the main plot about the final feast? no fuck you.. im going to talk about sneezy now. that’s what you get. yesss. you look upset now but just wait, you’re gonna love sneezy the worm when I’m done and you cant escape caring about cute little worms no matter what.

So to wrap up today’s delirious ramblings 1) Its fun and i love small character moments 2) gives me plenty of time to write ahead and figure out endings lol 3) potential heart breaking pay offs when i change the routine 4) freedom to do whatever and write about whatever characters without a looming deadline or judgment from bosses. this is just what i love to do.

FFAK’s process is strange but I intend to enjoy myself as much as possible. I also think I’m very great because the longer i work the less ashamed i feel about my choices with writing and making it this way. its just like oh cool, i can do this and its not the end of the world if everyone doesnt like it cause I like it and thats what matters. and turns out, my happiness results in thousands of pages because I’m constantly self-motivated. So its fucking cool as shit and i love drawing. I love drawing more now in 2018 than i did when i was a teenager, or even a kid. Its so weird how much better and fun the experience has grown to be and I wouldnt trade that for the world.

Anyway thanks for reading. I’m drinking a frappichino. frappuccino. how do you fucking spell that.

-kosmic

[livinlavidafandoms]

ACOWAR and whole series chant and rant(spoilers ahead)

Well this is the first time i actually do this, some sort of review, but the last two months I’ve been reading the whole A Court of thorns and roses series and i have to say my feelings are very very mixed.So here I go 

ACOTAR : I kinda enjoyed this one , it certainly got me into the whole Prynthian world and it’s aesthetics, the fact that Feyre is the Katniss of the first book bugged me a little , but not so much to distract me from the plot.What bugged me enough to distract me was the attitude her sisters had , especially Nesta, despite paying of well in the end of the series Nesta in the beginning was a pure prick,arrogant and completely pointless for me to be made that way.Of course you’ll say ‘’character development’’ and its the only thing ill keep of it but still it annoys me to the core that Feyre was responsible for everyone to be fed and taken care of.Afterwards , where Tamlin and Lucien got into the plot ,it gave me the vibe of Beauty and the Beast. A curse had to be broken for Tamlin and that curse, a part of it , included the true love and blah blah blah.Mesmerizing though was the description of the court, its festivities and the Way Tamlin treated of Feyre despite how the books try to change that.I myself do not so much like Tamlin but I can certainly give it to him that he was poorly treated.Then again at the end of the book the casual danger appears, Amarantha , a cruel figure to me , but still made Feyre’s trial really agonizing and wanting to see the outcome was the only reason i did not give up the book.Then again our opinion towards the prick called Rhysand changes ,which is somehow great , and everyone understands why during the next book , however, by the end of thebook with Amarantha being destroyed was very predictable. I would have chosen her staying alive and being allies with Hybern , something ill elaborate on later.

ACOMAF: Whoah, this book really got me awed.I would have dropped the series had i not read the goodreads comments urging me to read it.Anyways to pick first things first. We had reached a point where we all liked tamlin and now you have a tamlin who treats Feyre like a maiden quickly to be wed.I despised to whole plot with Ianthe and how she did everything.The only thing ill keep is the sex scenes with Tamlin to this and the previous book , which are enjoyable compared to the ones with Rhysand.But ill get to that. Then again I felt bored again but Rhysand popped and saved the day.The whole respect he gave her and the freedom shows such contrast with Tamlin that I myself not until then realised. J Maas has done an incredibly majestic work with the aesthetics , the night court , the descriptions ,i dont know what to mention first.The night court?the illyrians? the bond between Rhysand’s friends? their backrounds? Velarys? the mate revelation?THAT was something i really did not see coming.The whole book built up this ship brick by brick , and by the moment they reveal their love you finally say YES! even more unexpectable was the way Hybern and the cauldron made appearance , Feyre’s sisters being captives and then changed to Faery had me like : :O ! I did not expect that either.Generally this book was very verygood , with more character development , more scenery and a really good plot that makes you wonder by the end of it : what did i just read. 

ACOWAR: Up to this point after finishing acomaf i had really high hopes for this one and my hopes in the end fell and crumbled quicker than the wall.First of all what made me flinch in the previous book and in this one is any sex scene of Feysand. In huge contrast to tamlin , which those scenes where much calmer and easily readable , The Feysand sex scenes were a huge and long read , pages devoted to how these to mated , full  of unnecessary details ,that had me thinking : this is not Fifty Shades. There was a war going on and it really annoyed me how Rhysand kept making sex jokes and those two kept teasing each other.Apart from that , for me it was like i was reading through an entirely different Feyre. She was bragging a lot about being a high lady , already using her power Rhysand gave her , which is good , they make a great power couple , but yet, it makes me feel like that’s not the Feyre we’ve been reading about for two books now. What really awed me in a good way was the character development for Nesta and Lucien . Apart from that i really think the first part of the book in which Feyre played the spy under Tamlin’s nose , to me was just a fill up of pages.To keep going  i found really important for the plot the interaction with the other courts , again the aesthetics they give off to me its the only reason this book series deserves to be on screen. Apart from that the whole world crumbling , Hybern having a massive army and finally tearing down the wall , and yet J Maas choses to devote pages and pages on 1) Feysand scenes 2)telling us how strong the mating bond is 3)just playing our feelings towards Tamlin ( i do understand him if he doesnt want to see Feyre again but not for Lucien.). Anyway, moving on to the war , in which many and many and many pages are devoted to it , the troops , the camp , it truly built up the moment against Hybern . I was pleasantly surprised to see the two Archeron girls defeating Hybern , and made a great deal their father being killed.They actually had a loss to mourn over.One thing that could have made the scenes much better for me would be if Amarantha had lived and just imagine Hybern’s madness mixed with her cruelty , it would make the war much much more dramatic and surely with more losses.  Which is wha  i really wanted to happen and did not ( I should mention here that I am a fan of losses and deaths because they strenghten the characters of the living ones and it makes it look realistic , that actually during a war there are losses and amongst them could be our favorite faces.) The war with Hybern  did not actually leave a loss for us to be sad about , and what actually annoyed me is that, in comparison with the first book finale where Feyre was dying it kept is saying NOOOOO , it was real and her outcome,being a faerie was not expected (at least for me). Now we have Amren in the fear of loosing everything she remembers of, Azriel and Cassian shattered and Rhysand almost to die. And yet they all come back , everything is fine and happily every after.On the one hand I dont get it , it was war , there had to be losses , people to be remembered , people for whom a treaty between prynthians and humans should be honored for.But on the other hand its fiction , people, i put myself in too, read this to get away from reality , and J Maas gives us a perfect scenery in this series  , and when you want to just relax and read , who would want to read about deaths? 

To conclude in this long review, amongst these books I’d gladly read again the second one , of course I’ll want for J maas to tell us more about what happened to all these characters years after,I’ll give it a 3/5 , questioning very much the third book.This series truly deserves to be on screen mainly because I think with the right production the world will come to love it , and especially because the whole court aesthetics, the outfits , the cities , but also our extremely beautiful characters , are majestic pieces that definitely deserve to be made to a series (or films)

PS: If you have read till this point I thank you very very much for doing so , and Im open to suggestions for more reviews (it is a new thing I’ll try for this blog)

PS2: J Maas if you ever read this , please make a happy ending for Tamlin too.I think he might deserve it.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

honestly i was one of those people who Never Did Anything so hard that i could never be grounded. like yeah on occasion i would have SOMETHING coming up and even though it was super rare it still usually was used as a threat which is why i learned pretty fast to keep it a secret if i ever really cared about / was invested in something. plus, in my experience, having friends over wasnt even completely enjoyable and less and less so as time went on. like just a couple years ago my parents got me tickets to a show at the kennedy center to something i was like kind of vaguely interested in, partly as a joke but it was fine but the problem was there was two tickets and they were like you can take a friend with you and i was like ??? the only friends i have around here are one person and her sister who i met at work and im pretty sure youve never seen them. and it was before she invited me over to her graduation party so i wasnt even sure we were on the Invitation friend tier yet. so i took my brother who was also half-interested part-as-a-joke but still he was my only option anyway and we had an okay time. its just wild like, of course it doesnt surprise me that my parents had almost no clue about like anything about me because i had been 24/7 concealing anything that mattered from them for years (except for times when in highly strategic maneuvering i would give them a small glimpse of something that happened to be true) but its kind of weird that like they didnt ever seem to notice how much they had No Clue about anything about me. like, they noticed i never did anything b/c they sometimes tried to make me go out with her sisters and her friends, which i never did except to see fury road b/c i'd kind of wanted to do anyways and which was a stellar decision. but i guess they had some concept that i ever had friends i hung out with outside of school like, on what planet? smh. like for sure, im glad none of them was ever trying to find out anything about me and getting the least attention from them was the best case scenario, its just bizarre they had Any interest at all and yet that interest didnt translate into any awareness about how Completely Nothing they knew about me as a person. but then again! im fairly sure that they both had their own (totally inaccurate) concept of who i was, which couldve given them the idea that they knew stuff about me. like how my dad and i thought we were super similar, which was one of the most insulting things anyone else could say to me, but in his case it was just the usual kind of frustrating, totally non self-aware ignorant shit he said about everything. and my mom just thought whatever she wanted about whatever, all the time. and they both ignored it if i told them stuff that was actually true but was inconvenient / not what they wanted to hear or whatever. like when i had a job for five months that was so bad that from the very first week i thought about dying like literally on avg every minute and when the days were like usually 10+ hrs; they would ask me sometimes how the job was and i would say it was terrible and i hated it, and they would say something dismissive. like, then dont ask! but i was pretty far from caring about anything at that point and had started saying things like cutting in when my mom was getting on my brother about something, if only to disperse her focus on him, or informing my dad that this is why i hated them whenever he did something particularly draining. like, the wild thing is that when my mom was in a reasonable mood, she could be tolerable as a person. like the month before i left she was updating the webpage she had for her kindergarten class and i helped her pick out some halloween art for a banner and came up with some joke for text that cracked us both up. whereas my dad wasnt exactly abusive, he managed to be even worse as a person and in his personality to the point that i really eventually couldn't stand to see him or speak to him or be in the same room as him and not spit. one actual interest i did tell my mom about was owl city, because it was obvious since i had like eight owl city shirts and it was strategic because me and my brother were planning to go to one of his shows and it was harmless because it just involved me listening to music and b/c my mom couldn't possibly object to it even if she had a lot better idea of what it was than she did. but she didn't exactly pay a lot of attention even to the Real Stuff so...she at least never seemed to bother with investigating or stuff like that. i think she had a vague notion of the existence of marble hornets even if she knew zero stuff about it including the name or what it was, but she was probably worried it was like a cult or whatever what with my TO symbol shirt. but im telling you like, even when me and the sibs had a tv show we'd watch together she wouldnt like make a mental note of it or anything. like we'd say "hey can we have the tv tonight at 9" or whatever and she'd be like ok and then at 9 she'd still be watching something and we wouldnt bother saying anything. or if she saw us watching something she'd like see 10 seconds from the next room over and insult it in a way she acted like was like light and fun or something b/c she never seemed to realize when what she seemed to think was teasing / casual joking was actually really pointed and meanspirited. we had a great family who was friends with ours and im pretty sure they stopped hanging out with us and inviting us over b/c my mom didnt get the distinction between unnecessary insults and lighthearted jest. couldve told her so if she could ever been told anything. its too bad i didnt go for any parting shots in my final months there like confirming the horrors of not being cishet or whatever, but that was still probably sort of dangerous, but it would be funny if they knew none of their kids is straight. oh well. plus, i hate them but they should get divorced. it would lessen the impact of their awfulness on the world and each other and thats the only thing thats technically "good" that they deserve. even if they both think its bad since theyre somehow both like catholic but hopefully someday they realize that no matter how "bad" they think divorce is, their marriage is even worse. or maybe they'll stick it out for the sake of having been together so long in such a bad marriage already, and the sake of not having to deal with such a total life change, who knows. tfw: the 'rents suck as hell

[tumblunni]

Also HELL YES FOR CASUAL PLAYER LOVE

Im so happy to hear that Let's Go is indeed INTENTIONALLY designed to be "more casual" and everything these super anti-casual conpetitive players are complaining about was intentionalky put in there cos the developers legit think its better. THANK YOU!

i dunno man it just seems like we NEVER heae about the developers doing anything for the fans unless its enablibg competitive play or iv breeding or whatever. Like those are the only definitions of "fans" that interviewers seem to care about. And Its hard to know what the developers really think when the questions that are asked leave out a huge componant of the fanbase, yknow?

And uhh.. I mean its just good to specificially know that theyre okay with casual fans existing, like not just "its for kids" but "hey you are not bad if you are an adult who also enjoys the game for its intended appeal points and not for a huge mega complicated mathematical metagame people made up to be 'more mature'". I was really surprised to see that written interview with masuda specifically mentioning IV breeding as the place where conpetitive goes too far and makes the game not fun anymore. "Pokemon wasn't meant to be a game about hatching eggs and nothing else." Like.. Playing competitively itself is not bad, i dont wanna sound like i hate hardcore fans and im a big ol jerk. I admire the dedication because it all seems so super unattainable and mathematically magical to me! Im not into that stuff but i can admire that you have to be a damn genius to achieve all that stuff. BUT i also get what he's saying. Because it sucks when you HAVE to be a damn genius to EVEN START PLAYING! Whenever high level competitive strats become the goddamn baseline it makes competitive completely inaccessable to everyone except the most hardcore of the hardcore, and its like damn man how do you even become that if you have no way to start practising? Iv breeding is so INSANE in retrospect! Like when you think about it, its wild that people even cracked the code for how to game the system and get the highest possible randomized stats for every ridiculously minor thing. Like how the fuck did they even figure out any of this?? And then all the further madness into figuring out how to attain it and how to raise odds of shinys and hidden abilities and how they keep figuring out new ways to do it with every new system each game brings out. And then people will spend friggin LITERAL DAYS OF REAL TIME running up and down the same road in the game, hatching thousands of eggs just to get the one mathematically superior pokemon from a confluence of random events. And this is treated as fuckin REQUIRED to play the game! You can't touch competitive if you dont do it. And these bad sorts of competitive players will try and force this requirement onto other non-competitive parts of the game, and shame casual players for not doing it even though its literally not what they want to play the game for.

Seriously, man! Individual values were just designed to make individual pokemon more random, so the play experience would seem more unique to each run. It was literally invented for a "casual" reason! It just really sucks that they implimented it in a way that had an objective "best" value to get, so people ignored the whole point of "adding personality" and just wanted that one. Tho i mean at least they patched out the early issue where gender and shinyness were linked to these values so you couldnt get certain types of pokemon as the "best" version and it was even more limiting. Glad that GSC didnt have online metagame yet, lol! (Tho it makes it possible for people to more easily predict which pokenon will become Shiny when transferred from rby to gsc, which is neat.)

ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Oh yeah! I appreciate that each generation of games lately has made it easier to see your IVs and EVs and to get them to their "best" versions, with even the FUCK YEAH feature pf being able to "fix" bad IVs on level 100 pokemon. I carried my Sneasel named Reaper since RSE and he's been completely unuseable for so long and bottlecaps fixed that! Kid me just played the game like he was my starter and i loved him. I didnt know about IVs or EVs, so i took this terribly-statted dude with a bad ability and made him fight all the wrong pokemon because he is my best friend and he needs to win every gym battle and i will buy him lemonades afterward. Also he wore the Blackglasses item forever cos i thougjt itd be cool if you could put accessories on your pokemon. So yeah i did Everything Wrong and thus all the pokemon i actually cared about were made weak and useless by my love and i had to spend 48 hours running down a stupid road to hatch and abandon 1400 new ones just to get one that was "useable". Thanks to bottlecaps, this is no more! Decade old weasel pals can be revived! Tho still it sucks that i hit level 100 before this mon's evolution came out. Alas!

BUT

Like.. Even tho now its slightly less hard to make a "perfect" pokemon its still tedious as hell and really takes you out of the moment and you have to already know beforehand that its necessary. Kids are just gonna blunder in and not even know why they keep losing due to no fault of their own. Adults are gonna also do that. Seriously this isnt a "kiddy fans vs mature fans" or "non fans versus FANS" thing, this is just "fans who have one very specific skill for memorizing a bunch of numbers and steps and enduring hours of boredom doing it vs..people who think that kinda ruins the game". And even if nintendo fully streamlined the process into sonething easy, itd still feel like an unnecessary roadblock in the way of just getting to play the damn game. We really need to add some sort of hardcore/casual or iv breeding/no iv breeding thing to league divisions, as well as the tier lists. This is why im so hyped for the current "Spooky Cup", since it actually seems like a "just for fun" multiplayer experience, and its kinda dumb that we have to rely on nintendo actually programming limitations into a tournement cos the players refuse to allow anyone to just do it normally. I did a big whoop at "no mega stones" and "everyone gets a participation prize even if they lose"! And the limitations being a random event based thing rather than a skill cap! Yay ghost types!! Reminds me of the baby pokemon only tourneys in the n64 games. That was a kind of hardcore challenge that had a bit of creativity to it!

So anyway anyway what i'm getting at...

I'm just happy that the devs are saying "yes this is a casual game with more of what casual players want, and less of those hardcore limitations" and THATS NOT MEANT TO BE A NEGATIVE!! Actual developers sitting on a couch hugging giant pikachu plushies and saying this game is for people who just want a fun game about..well, hugging pikachus! They changed the way you catch pokemon because they wanted it to be more fun. They brought back following pokemon because fun. You get all these new features for your starter because they wanted you to really feel like a kid going on their first pokemon adventure and sharing all these special moments with pikachu! They talked about how the art style was decided upon because it was the closest to "how you imagined it in your head when you played pokemon yellow", and "if it was photorealistic it just wouldnt feel right". They picked eevee for the second option because they actually paid attention to the fans and which pokemon was the second most popular and had a similar "both cute and cool" appeal with all audiences. And they put the most effort into the visuals and the cuteness and making everything just feel like a good and fun adventure that recaptures everything you wanted as a kid playing the first game.

And they just act so unapologetically HAPPY about all these parts of the game! These are their favourite parts! They're the goddamn DEVELOPERS and even they say that they prefer the story and the characters and the relaxing childlike whimsy to the concept of refining gameplay to a ridiculous hardcore perfection and throwing out everything else in pursuit of that. And man, seeing them hugging the big pika and eev plushies in EVERY PROMOTIONAL VIDEO and just enjoying playing their own game so much!! And babbling on about dressing up your pokemon!!

God its just SO GOOD to see this as a fan who's been here since the very beginnibg and is starting to feel quite self concious about being an adult fan who isnt doing it "properly". Like man the pressure of hardcore competotive being the "only right way" started even when i was just 11, like seriously THE AGE THE ACTUAL TRAINERS ARE IN THE GODDAMN GAME. Before you even hit your teens you already got stuck up older kids telling you you were too old to just enjoy a game cos you enjoyed the damn game, noooo you have to make it as unfun as possible and only derive enjoyment from defeating other people. It took me until ORAS to actually even be able to try competitive at all, i found it so overwhelming until they added other methods to EV train. And even then i still felt like the blandness of the preparation outweighed any fun of playing these "higher level" battles. Like sure maybe some people like that stuff but it felt so dissappointing after all these years of being pressured to try it...

Sometimes its just good to enjoy a game cos you legit like the world and characters. Sometimes its just really validating to see the developers talking about enjoying making those things, cos it gives you permission to be less embarrassed about it. Sometimes its good to also see them hugging a hundred dollar giant pikachu while you hug your hundred dollar giant mimikyu. Cos seriously what is the point of being an adult if youre not allowed to buy these adult sized plushies? What kid could ever afford those! Im not letting my childhood dream pass me by just because ~maturity~ when im finally able to slap a fat wad of cash on the table and yell GIVE ME THE BIGGEST CHU

I will embrace all my pure childhood love and enjoy this game of just huggins and nothing else! And i really like this concept for the series, if they continue doing Let's Go as a spinoff so we'd have a set of games appealing to each of the casual and hardcore demographics. I always feel bad complaining about hardcore when really my actual opinion on it is just "its not for me" and im actually only complaining about the rude fans who tell me im not a real fan unless i like their genre of stuff. Dude i was three years old when pokemon came out, i think ive earned my right by seniority to hug a plushie or two! So itd be awesome if hardcore doods could get their super hardcore game too, and we could just argue less cos we'd each be able to enjoy what we enjoy. Tho i mean the main series games already have a pretty clear divide between story/fun being the main game and hardcore competitive being a postgame thing. And yet we still get all this fandom fightibg over "ignore the actual 90% of the game, skip the plotline and only play competitive" apparantly being the "real" way to play it. Like man im worried that attitude is still gonna stick arpund even if they do give us separate games appealing to each side of the fandom?

EHHH WHATEVER! Im just gonna sit here in my corner of casual hugs and work on my self confidence to be able to stop feeling bad about not being someone else's idea of a "real" fan. If real fans can't have pikachu in a little hat, then that is not the life i wanna lead!

LITTLE GODDAMN HAT, MY GUY