#i would kinda say its finished now but still anyone can do whatever with it i guess

[wheres-my-pencil]

surprise surprise i kinda actually kept writing by accident again fhsbfh. i never write like. fanfiction fanfiction or anything so this is new to me and will probably still be trash but i like this chapter (?) a little bit better :] keep reading to . well. keep reading fjfhdf. this is now 2/2, it's kinda finished now 💥💥

maybe stanley can only be expressionless at the discovery, and maybe it scared the narrator a little. he has no idea what stanley is thinking. he never does. he pretends he does so that nothing stanley might really feel about him could hurt him, or god forbid, reach him. he insults him to keep him at a safe distance.

stanley notices the narrator curl in on himself upon approaching, or maybe just at the thought of stanley seeing him be so .. embarrassing...

god, how could he let this happen.

stanley steps back to where he was and raises his hands in promise of peace, as if facing a scared animal.

they stay at a tense stalemate for a few seconds. the narrator looks at stanley's hands with a glint of hope in his eyes, and then swiftly looks down and away. for once, the narrator is at a loss for words.

stanley cautiously walks a little closer, sits down, and waits for him to find them again.

"i truly am sorry, stanley. it's hard to admit even to myself why i would do such a silly thing," he starts to mumble, shuffling himself from his spot in the air towards the floor into more of a sitting position, "but i seem to have taken some sort of.."

he looks up at stanley and is faced with the most overwhelming feeling he's ever had at just seeing stanley so close, face to face, and seeing him stare back for real. he looks away again and braces for something.

"some sort of. possibly. non-platonic.. liking... to um. you."

stanley sits up straight suddenly. the narrator pulls his knees closer toward his chest.

"now i know what you must be thinking- and you would be right. this is simply unacceptable. there must be some..." he hides his face in his hands, "some terrible sort of- glitch or mishap in the files that messed with my head."

he then folds his arms and burrows most of his head between them. stanley scooches closer, subtly trying to catch his eyes from where they glare at the floor behind him.

"this must be sickening to you, and i apologize. with deepest sincerity."

he wants some sort of answer. he lets himself (take a minute to gather himself to be able to) stare into stanley's eyes again with a furrowed brow. they seem far deeper than they should look. he would chalk it up to an optical illusion or prank, but there's a feeling in his chest that shouldn't be physically possible either.

"it sickens me too, in a way."

stanley hasn't moved. possibly out of disgust? shock? he's unreadable. the narrator shifts his focus to the ceiling.

"i'll be sure to take this up with the developers, or i'll fix the files myself somehow. better yet, i could delete a few and it should take care of this whole m-"

a hand touches the narrator's, where it sits clenched to white knuckles on his knee. it's strange and somewhat inorganic, but it's there. it's all computer code, all part of the game, but both of them felt it. they stare at the point of contact.

the narrator looks up at him, his lips tight.

"..stanley?"

stanley follows his gaze, and once again, and the narrator is struck with the same fear he felt during the first time they accidentally made eye contact. stanley gently lifts his hand off of the narrator's, and the narrator feels like he could die.

stanley turns his palm upwards, presenting it to the scared, slightly ghostly figure in front of him. the narrator starts to unfold his arms, still stiff in the shoulders, and hesitantly places his hand in the other's palm.

"is this.. um.. pardon me but um. what exactly do you mean by this?" it was the first time he had admitted to not knowing what was going through stanley's head.

"are we... ok like this? i mean- um. goodness something really must be wrong with me."

before he gets the chance to look away again, stanley pulls their hands towards his chest and holds them there. it feels unnatural and new, and it looks a little wrong, but stanley something odd with his face. stanley has seen pictures of it around the office, so he vaguely knows it's a positive gesture. he hopes not to get it wrong.

stanley smiles at him.

"oh." the narrator finds himself smiling all weird too. a little bit wobbly on his end. "that's. strange." he wipes something off of his face with his sleeve.

"oh stanley, i think i really must be bugged."

his other hand reaches for their joined ones.

"although, i don't think i mind it too much, if you don't," he chokes through a shaky laugh.

in an attempt to answer somehow, stanley moves himself to the narrator's side and tries to mimic the situation he found himself in earlier. his head doesn't quite rest the same way on the narrator's shoulder as it would if he approached from behind, and their hands are clasped together so he can't exactly wrap his arms around the man, but this was nice too.

and with the narrator leaning his head on stanley's, it seemed to have worked as an answer.

(read more for a short pseudo-fic?? that i wrote kinda by accident?? it's kinda shit and doesn't have anything about stanley and it's mostly just describing a half baked idea but have it if you want. also this has definitely been done before but whatever)

au where the narrator, unbeknownst to stanley, finds out that he can be physically affectionate in a form that stanley can't see or feel.

after countless careful testing of stanley's reactions to confirm this, he starts to casually sort of. walk side by side to him and brush their hands together.

after a few hundred resets, he's at a point where he constantly holds hands (phases them through each other) with stanley as he yammers on as usual. sometimes he floats around him in circles and studies the folds in his clothes and the way stanley moves, still blabbering about, until, carefully, he leans reeeal close to stanley's face. he takes in every wrinkle and dimple, every reflection across his eyes, and watches the way his character model's hair sways a little as he walks, still pretending to have some sort of strong opinion about whatever he's talking about. once again, he starts to do this regularly.

when stanley happens to look at something that lines up their eyes to seem like eye contact, the narrator gets all freaked out and goes strangely quiet. he makes up some excuse (let's see here.. the next door is .. hmm .. .. (the first time it happened he actually did get them both lost)), and the next few times it happens, he starts rambling faster, trips over his words, and flusters himself in his own monologue.

after another few hundred resets he calms down and gets used to the fake-outs and gradually forgets it was ever even a worry.

during one reset in this peaceful phase, the narrator hugs him from behind, wraps his arms over his shoulders and around his chest, and sighs somewhat like a dog as he rests the underside of his chin on stanley's shoulder.

of course, sighs of yearning and disappointment sound similar enough that this one fit nicely for his current monologue. in fact, he starts getting so caught up with sarcastically praising stanley for staying in the employee lounge for more than two whole minutes, that as he leans into his face, yawning mid-sentence from the pseudo-warmth of stanley's neck and left cheek, he doesn't even notice that stanley has not only stayed in the same room, but hasn't moved an inch for the past five minutes.

worse yet, the narrator only finally realized when he happened to look up admiringly again, and nearly flew across the room at the sheer intensity of stanley's eyes staring dead into his own. he paused his berating. he didn't even have an excuse prepared, and he wouldn't need one, considering how stanley's first movement after the narrator's nearly endless stream of complaining was to turn to look at him where he hovered slightly above the floor, somewhat disheveled and panicked.

that's all i got for now fhdwds

[ironunderstands]

I’m having some Aventio thoughts.. :3

Possessive Aventurine urghhh Aventurine who won’t let Ratio out of his sight for more than 10 minutes when they are out together out of fear, Aventurine who is terrified he will lose someone else he loves and will hold Ratio’s hand at any opportunity he gets, Aventurine who mildly and vaguely threatens anyone who so much as looks at Ratio badly…. AAAAAAAAA

Like usually I don’t enjoy the “you’re mine” kinda trope/mindset, but Aventurine has lost practically everything and everyone close to him so I can see him being extremely, well, possessive, of Ratio. However he would still obviously respect the others boundaries (especially due to his trauma), it’s just I can see him keeping Ratio as close as he possibly can.

I think that’s why I like writing fics where Aventurine is rescuing/saving/protecting/etc Ratio because he needs the ability to care for someone like that just as much as Ratio needs the ability to just let go and be vulnerable

Like Ratio already spends all his time trying to help others so having someone else do it for him is a welcome change, and Aventurine constantly has all eyes on him, so not having to be the center of attention for once is freeing..

..which is also why I probably prefer dom aven/sub ratio when it comes to nsfw/suggestive content of them. It’s more interesting than the alternatives to me because it’s a dynamic that would benefit both of them and help work out their issues in canon. Not saying it’s some magic fix it or something but yeah I think Ratio needs to give up his control sometimes and Aventurine needs to gain some. I feel like people downplay how sex can be used to explore character dynamics and I know this is kinda off course for what I usually write/talk about but I just haven’t seen anyone discuss it so I thought it was worth mentioning.

Moving onwards, I really love writing Ratio when he’s not in a normal state of mind. Drunk, injured, sleepy, a fucking owl (IM WORKING ON THE FIC THANK YOU @aurae-rori FOR HELPING ME BETA ITS AT 6.3/~10k WORDS IM GONNA TRY AND FINISH IT SOON I PROMISE), etc.

Whatever one of these you decide to inflict upon Ratio allows for some really interesting characterization to be enabled, because well, the man’s a tsundere, and it’s kinda hard for him to keep that up when he doesn’t have the capacity to. Honestly I view his tsundere-ness as being half voluntary/a choice and half just the way he is because he’s not very good at expressing his emotions or dealing with other people’s emotions.

However if I were to say, make him drunk, a good portion of that barrier breaks and Ratio’s true self gets exposed, and he nor Aventurine nor anyone really know how to deal with that. It’s so much fun to just put a character out of their element and see what they do next, and I think messing with Ratio’s mental state is the epitome of that, because now he has to confront the fact that he IS hiding parts of himself, and that’s scary (in a good way).

I also think Aventurine dealing with the fact that someone just genuinely lives him but is too afraid to really show it would be compelling. Would he blame himself? Would he dig into it and accidentally cross Ratio’s boundaries, then feel horrible about it? Would he doubt that it’s really real until it becomes transparently clear that Ratio does love him? Oh the possibilities..

Would he see Ratio being kind to someone in a similar way that Ratio is to him and get jealous? Would he worry that maybe he isn’t special to him and is just selfishly imagining everything?

They make me insane.

[aiiria17]

Anyone else underwhelmed by Sonic 3?

First note - I'm not trying to say you're wrong for enjoying the movie but just wanted to express how I felt. In fact I also liked a lot about the movie which I'll also mention

Second note - I absolutely love Sonic Adventure 2 and play it almost daily so it's DEFINITELY not that I'm not into the topic.

Third note - Spoilers!!!

Okay so there's two main things that bugged me about the movie, starting with the biggest one:

1 - Shadow

I LOVE Shadow as a character. I literally finished Shadow 05 just cause I adore his character so much. The arc he goes down in processing the rage he feels following Maria's death/his awakening is so good and has so much love and care put into it. I don't think movie Shadow is as strong of a character as the Shadow I love and obsess over.

First of all one thing I realized is just he's very quiet. Like at the end of the movie I was thinking "did I like Keanu as a voice for Shadow" and then I realized I don't feel there was enough for me to really base it off of. Like most of Shadow's scenes are him silently sitting there and observing and its just... underwhelming? That's how I felt about his character: I wanted a lot out of him and the script just didn't deliver much at all.

Shadow's relationship to Maria is shown well but kind of thrown at the wayside until the moon scene. Like honestly it feels like all he thinks about for her is revenge when that doesn't feel right in the context of the movie. In Adventure 2 the deal was Shadow having to remember Maria's wish that he valued but that doesn't exist here he just kinda realizes "oh wait I don't have to kill people" and then goes super and does stuff.

Genuinely as a huge certified Shadow lover this is just an underbaked iteration of the character that really made me feel like the movie doesn't deliver a satisfying end to his arc, at least to me. Like the moon scene is his big character climax but after that there's really nothing other than "he saves the world." I'd like him to like reflect? One of the most memorable parts of Adventure 2 is seeing Shadow cascade down to Earth. ("Maria, this is what you wanted right? This is the promise I made to you").

Basically movie Shadow is a weaker version of game Shadow and that's sad.

2 - Gerald Robotnik

The other big new character is so, so bad. I don't think the writers had a single idea for what to do with Gerald. Like he's the super evil real bad guy who wants to destroy the world but also very silly! And it's not just that he was like pretending to be silly to manipulate Ivo there is a scene after their betrayal (not really sure who technically betrayed who by definition but whatever point is they're fighting) where Gerald is spanking Ivo and like it's supposed to be silly and why can't this movie just have a consistent tone.

Ivo being silly is one thing; he's already off his rockers from the start it's his whole character. Gerald's goofiness feels so so forced and while that is arguably part of the point it goes beyond just "he was manipulating Ivo." I actually think I would have liked the movie way more if I didn't hate this character so much he's just such an ill-fitting illogical part of the story that I can't understand. Like why not just do Adventure 2 and have Eggman work with Shadow it would more sense and you could still do a lot and not have this mess to deal with.

Okay now I'm going to quickly mention things I liked but it's late so I don't want to write too much more and your time is valuable (thanks for reading if you are I appreciate it)

Good Thing 1 - Team "Sonic"

Shoulda been Team Tails he's the mvp.

Honestly their relationship in this movie was perfect. Everything felt right and natural and they all worked great and had amazing chemistry and look my pfp is Tails for a reason I'm always happy to see my boy succeed. I hope Knuckles can be treated a tad more seriously but I also do find Knuckles funny so I'm not mad (I'm like the one actual fan of the Knuckles show).

Good Thing 2 - Stone

Stone went from "I love this side character" to "this is a very good side character." He finally shows nuance to his relationship with Robotnik and it makes him seem way more interesting. He truly does want Robotnik to see him as a friend (if not more let's be real here) and there's an actual conflict between the two of them and it feels great to see happen! I really liked the Eggman message to him at the end it felt like a great end for both?(more on that next paragraph) of their characters.

So I think Eggman is maybe dead dead. If they get Jim Carrey I think it will be as a fake Eggman (my guess is Metal Sonic is going to do some Sonic Heroes shenanigans next). I do think they can do more with Stone. I mean what does he do now? I would actually like to know. Lowkey a series with him and Shadow would rule (all he really has to do is offer Shadow inner peace guac this time)

Briefly I think the post-credits is exciting and very expected. Feels like an obvious direction. My surprise bet, as previously mentioned is that it won't be Sonic CD (Amy seems too able to care for herself for that to be the case and that's awesome) and more a Sonic Heroes (where Metal Sonic shines more anyways).

Genuinely thanks for reading I just wanted to express this but it's almost midnight and I drove a lot today for this movie so I'm sleepy. bye bye

[marciabrady]

Scathing opinion on the Snow White teaser please (also, people yet again infantilising R@chel and acting like she's just a toddler being unfairly bullied by everyone for her dumb comments)

Oof I really can't get involved with anything even remotely touching Rachel's fandom/community. They literally claim Rachel never said things she was documented and recorded as saying multiple times lol that's another level. They're the type of people that change their points/the topic of the discussion whenever they're proven wrong and that's maddening. I'll say the most obvious, objective truth that it's pretty clear Rachel has a disdain for Snow White and the story and that there should've been more protections in place to guard this landmark of film from the people that signed on for the remake (the original director's SON has spoken out and said Walt and his dad would be rolling around in their grave; also I've never seen Gal finish a sentence with ease so I don't know how she's going to do justice to Lucille La Verne's chilling interpretation that still holds its own decades later in the Patheon of great film villains).

If anything, I think a documentary on Snow White would've been better than whatever this is. We got girlboss!Snow White twice in 2012 alone, so I don't know why Rachel thought she was reinventing the wheel with lazy takes that have been spoon-fed to her (someone's own authentic interpretation or opinion on a female character would be great!!!) and the lack of understanding and love for the source material is evident in every interview we've seen and now this trailer we saw that has the production value of a Danimals Yogurt commercial from 2004. She still doesn't even seem to get it lol at d23 they asked her about this film and she just generally said it's a dream of anyone to play a Disney Princess, but didn't say anything about *Snow White*- even after her announcer (who was more excited than Rachel) called out that Snow White was the original Princess (also this statement kinda drips with the vacuousness that Rachel does; how is it a dream for her to be a princess "even for a day" when she's already portrayed Fiona, Belle, and Ariel??? This is her fourth Princess lol and she portrayed each of them for more than a "day" lol).

Anytime anyone who is actually passionate about SWATSD tries to say anything, we're told that no one liked Snow White in the first place and Rachel is doing us a huge favor by taking on this role and we're feigning our SW support, despite the fact that there's been Snow White historians and museums and fan communities for close to a century. We're constantly told to shut up while everyone cries about how special Rachel is in a movie that hasn't even come out yet and, judging from the trailers, looks like AI text to speech leaping forth with a dress that's giving paint by numbers. Rachel definitely has photogenic features, but I don't know someone who can earnestly say what they did to her, design wise, is pleasing in any way- they made her look like a preschooler's interpretation of Pinocchio in drag. She also has talent and vocal ability but her tact is not there for me and she just really is not the right choice to play Snow White (and also we already had a live Snow White!! I'll die on the hill that Adriana Caselotti will always be the only Snow White, just like Ilene Woods is Cinderella, Mary Costa is Aurora...Ariel is trickier because I think it's more Howard Ashman than Jodi lol but she'll only ever be those two etc). Snow White is the heart and soul of Disney, what started this entire empire, and I think, from everyone we saw in the trailer, it's proving to be the inverse and is the death of Disney in many ways.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Severus Snape x Fem!Reader || Drabble

Plot: Severus finally finishes it; the painting of you - the only girl who ever kissed him. The one who didn't care; who then broke his heart and went off with another boy. // Alternatively; Sev's a glutton for punishment.

Warnings: Oh theirs a lot wrong with this picture- pardon my pun. Entrapment (literally), age difference (Technically you are the same age but you died at 17, so your painting is 17. And he's in his 30's), entitlement, self hatred, etc. Snape's a mess.

"Pingis... vivi."

With those words spoken and a waive of his hand over the canvas, the paint melded together to look 17, alive and beautiful, just the way that you did, something changes in your acrylic eyes. Something turns from fake to real. Then you blink, and shift out of the position he painted you in. You tuck hair behind your ears again, and get up off the seat he drew for you.

Snape watches in reverent silence, waiting... will it be you? Really you, or a pathetic pantomime? Will you recognise him, decades later, if you are you?

He's staring, so the girl inside the frame gives him an odd look, and turns away to ignore him- then snaps her neck back his way. Recognition in your wide eyes. "-Sev???"

"... Y/N."

"Did you make yourself an aging potion to get into the club?" You giggle, the sound better than windchimes to him. "I mean- the professors robes are kinda sexy, but I think you put in a little too much aging agent! You look- " Before Snape can speak, you're reaching forward for him-- and missing. Eyebrows furrowing, you step forward this time and try again, still reaping the same results. Its as though no matter how far you go, you don't truly get more then a foot away from your spot.

Stepping back, you look around you- left and right, seeing things that Snape can't fathom (not being a painting himself. Perhaps the scene behind you continues on, or perhaps there are long, eternal hallways. He's never cared to stop and ask any of the annoying idiots on the grand Hogwarts walls.). Still watching you carefully, he sees the exact moment that realisation dawns on you. You lower your arms, cross them over your chest, and slowly look back at him. "Sev, am I dead?... I mean- I must be. What happened??"

"Thats not important- "

"It's very important, Severus." You snap. Its not the firet time you ever cut him off, but it has been a long time since anyone did that to him. Especially not a school girl. He doesnt enjoy it; it puts a sour taste in his old mouth. "Tell me."

"It... I said it's not important." He almost gives in to you, like he used to. But he's not 17 anymore, he's a grown man and you're just a girl. "Wasnt me, anyhow, if thats what you're thinking." You will listen to him. You have to, now. With both hands on the ornamental, golden frame he encased you in like a pretty thing just to look at, he leans in towards the paint. "You listen to me, now... I brought you back. So... "

"So??"

"So that makes me your master." He hisses quickly, making your eyes narrow. What can you do about it, though?? Nothing. You can't leave. He can say whatever, he wants. "Allow me to repeat, my words. Hm? You. listen. to me."

"I don't have to do anything you say." You scowl, waiving a dismissive hand at your old friend. Your old almost. Your dodged bullet. "Severus, just disenchant the painting."

With an eye roll, Snape adjusts his thick fingers on the frame; frustration heavy in ever muscle. You're not getting it. Always so thick in the head, you were. So stubborn, so imperious.

That would have to stop.

"I... can't... "

"What do you mean you can't? Yes you can, Severus. I'm not playing a game here. Disenchant the painting right now."

"No." The one word stops you talking for a whole moment, and it's the first time Severus ever stood up to you. It feels good. So after Straightening up, letting go of the painting - of you, - , and fixing his robes; he repeats it. "No, Y/N."

A new smoke begins to floods yours wide, clear eyes, then; fear. And a dark part of Snape enjoys it. "... What do you want?"

"... What do you think?"

"I don't know, I can't understand crazy people." Anger takes fears place; anger and hatred. Just like that.

... Snape figured this would happen, so he isn't hurt. Not yet, anyway. This changed nothing; all that matters is that you're all his, now. You were always a fickle little thing, anyway.

He gives another eye roll instead of fully reacting to your crassness; beady, dark, almost-black hues almost dissapearing entirely into his forehead. "I assure you, silly girl, I'm entirely sane... " With a swish of his robes, Snape turns his back on you suddenly and moves around his room- looking for something as you watch. "Would you believe it, if I told you I... missed you?"

"Oh my god, you turned into a sad old man- didn't you? I'm not surprised." It's all you can do to him, your capter- insult him. So you will, and you'll enjoy it. "And by sad, I mean pathetic."

With a squinty-eyed scowl thrown your way, Snape pulls out a draw from his desk and sifts through it; choosing to ignore your cheap, juvenile jabs. "Well, I have missed you. You were... you were the only one, who... " You watch him pull out a framed photograph. There's no dust on it- so why was it tucked away in a drawer? He gives it a soft look for a moment, before returning to you. "You were the only one who noticed me."

Rolling your eyes across the canvas, you shake your head at him. No... "I didn't care for you, though, if that's what you're on about. I was kind to you, because you seemed like a future creep and I didnt wanna be murdered. There's a difference."

He gives a huff. So?? "Sure. Whatever." Whatever makes you happy. While you continue to glare at him, thinking of what to say next- what would pull him apart (You ended up quite good at that. Which is why, he needs you)- Severus sets down the framed photo; setting it ontop of a nearby pile of luggage facing you. It's a picture of you and him, of course. Taken by you, not so long ago. Or... quite a while ago, by the looks of Snape.

While you grimace at the picture, he takes another turn around his room and locates a little vial of potion. When you notice him approaching you, or your portrait, with it- you turn up your nose. "... what's that?"

Snape barely spares you a glance, uncorking it and ysing his thumb instead to cover the top before he shakes it up; being sure that all the ingredients are properly mkxed together. Focused on it. "Mm, just a little fail safe for myself... or you."

"What do you mean??" Eyebrows knitted together in frustrated confusion, you comb your brain for any information you had about enchanted paintings, but come up short. Severus was always a better student then you were.

"Just have to... " Severus dips a paintbrush into the vile, the brushes coming back wet with some clear liquid. "Give you one more, final, coat. And... " The feeling of being painted over is cold, but not wet. More like a cold chill that leaves you feeling bare and exposed for a few moments. Snape paints over your entire scene, from both of the top corners to the both of the bottom corners. When he's finished, you look around to see if anything different... and find nothing. What did he do?? "You should be... safe."

"...- safe!?"

"Stuck." He amends, raising his brows as if to say 'what are you going to do about it?'.

Him saying that gives you a very bad feeling and you immediacy move- attempting to leave the scene just like you've seen all the paintings in Hogwarts do. Weave in and out of different works, like a ghost.

But the moment you try and leave the frame, you bang right into an invisible force like a wall. A gasp springs from you, as you step back and reach forward to touch it. It feels solid like brick. With incensed eyes, you whip your head around to glare at Snape. "... of all the cruel things. You're trapping me here!??"

"Its- "

"You bring me back from, what was quite possibly peace, and make me look at your ugly face for the rest of eternity!? How is that fair!"

"Oh don't throw a tantrum. No need for dramatics, you little twit. You won't be here for an eternity." He rolls his eyes upwards, pursing his lips and shaking his head at you like you're just a silly little girl. "The paint'll dry and flake off, long before that." 

"So, what then?? How long?"

"Just... " For the first time since he enchanted the painting, Snape's eyes find yours. "Until... "

"-Until??" You narrow your eyes some more and set your hands firmly on your hips; waiting expectantly for an explanation. What you punishment here was, exactly.

"Until... " He could tell you the truth, he thinks. The whole truth. About Dumbledore and the Lord, and Lily... you couldnt go and tell anyone. Not even if someone came in here looking for secrets, you wont come alive for anyone else but him. He was quite good at potions. "I feel... " Until he's atoned. Until you've punished him well enough. Until he feels better. "-until I'm no longer lonely, Y/N." He finally says quickly, lying. He can't help it. Maybe one day he can tell you, but he can't bring himself to say any of it- not just yet.

The responce gives you pause, anyway. You don't know what to say. Are you supposed to... what? Feel sorry for him??

"And you chose me, to fill your sad pathetic void, Severus??

Oh, you are going to be sorry you brought me back Sev. You're stuck with me now, and I am going to make your life hell."

"... good." Thank you.

[thecreativecorner33]

You Are Filled With Bravery

A/N: Another request done! I'm so sorry it took so long to finish, but I hope it's to your liking @littleguypumpkinsheep Also, I apologize if Gorrister is OOC or if the prompt makes no sense or any of that stuff. I was kinda just working off of "Something involving Gorrister" and let it go from there. I hope it's okay? Lmk your thoughts here if you can! Sorry this a/n is short I don't have much to say ;;

Maybe you should listen to Ted more. Maybe. He said such deranged things all the time; how were you supposed to know this time, he wasn’t lying?

You were all supposed to get through this together. At least, you thought. Time and time again, you saw how broken and divided the group was, and yet, somehow, you were all still together. Still helping each other out as you tried to survive this eternal hell. Now would be the best time for that; to help each other out as you walked through different tunnels, trying to find the other side. That’s when Benny had begun screeching his head off, and Ted started shouting about a monster. Before you knew it, everyone had run ahead of you, whether from fear or to go after the two. 

You were alone. 

You couldn’t see anywhere around you. It was too dark inside the cave; as if all the light had been stolen, leaving you completely blind. You didn’t know up or down, left or right- Only forwards and backwards. And… You did not want to look backwards. 

You could hear it behind you. It’s behind you. What is “it”? You don’t know. Do you want to know?

You could feel it breath down your neck. It hums and haah’s, and it does not move. You do not move. Stalemate; how do you escape this? Was anyone else around to help, or were you left alone to deal with this thing? You couldn’t hear anyone; had the sound been taken as well? And how do you deal with something you can’t see? You could run- it would chase, you knew that. What would it do if you tried anyway? Crush your bones, tear your flesh, rip you apart-

…

Maybe it would let you die. 

Maybe.

Maybe you could be free, finally.

Was this it? Finally?

…

No.

Who said that? Him, or yourself?

It didn’t matter; whoever said it was right.

You would never be free.

You could never escape. Not from him, not from damnation- not from whatever waited behind you. 

So what do you do? You could at least turn around. Meet face-to-face with it, before you were brutally eaten alive.

Maybe- Maybe-

“Don’t move.” Came a voice in front of you. Gruff. Deep. Surprisingly calm-

“Gorrister?” You asked softly, eyes going a little wide in surprise. You hadn’t expected anyone to be with you- least of all him. What surprised you more- You felt your hand being taken into his. Large, and surprisingly warm. Maybe the first time you felt something so warm.

“Don’t talk, either.” He said. He spoke slowly, and clearly. Most likely trying to keep you from making sudden movements. “Just hold my hand. And walk.” “But-”

He squeezed your hand, and you fell silent.

“And don’t look back.”

He tugged you, surprisingly gentle (He was really full of surprises at this moment), beginning to walk forward. You had no choice but to follow him. With how slow the two of you were walking, it was easy to keep up.

You could feel its breathing behind you still as you walked. It stayed at your neck the whole time, as if waiting to tear it apart the moment Gorrister let go. The moment you looked back. But he didn’t, and you didn’t. Even if you hadn’t expected him to be the one to help, you weren’t going to turn it away. So you held on tight, and he did too. 

And soon enough, you saw the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Whatever was behind you must have noticed too, because you heard it growl in your ear before stalking away. 

“Gorrister-”

“Don’t.” He warned. 

You weren’t safe. Not yet. Really, not ever, but it was worse here. So you stayed quiet and let him lead you to the end, only turning to face him once you both were finally in broad daylight. 

“Gorrister.” You said again, making him look at you tiredly. 

“What?”

You wanted to ask why he did that. You wanted to question why he had been in the caves and hadn’t run, or why he had gone back for you if he had run with the rest. The amount of surprises he gave you made you question so many things…

“… Thanks.” Is all you said, a smile making its way onto your features.

“… Don’t mention it.” He said, looking away again. You felt his hand squeeze yours, reminding you that he was still holding it. He hadn’t pulled away, and you didn’t want him to. “Just happened to be in the right place, right time. Come on.”

He started leading you along to the group, and you followed after with a soft hum of acknowledgement.

“I’m surprised you were so calm.”

“If I hadn’t, it woulda attacked us.”

“You’re really not scared of much, are you?”

He glanced back at you, then shook his head. “I’m scared of a lotta things. I ain’t a brave man.”

“You must be if you could handle that.” You disagreed. He hummed.

“Nope. Just didn’t want ya to get hurt.”

You knew there was something he wasn’t telling you. He just seemed too calm handling getting you out of a situation so dangerous; like he had done it a million times before. It made you recall his time as a peace marcher before the end of the world. And it made you picture it in your head: Him leading people out of danger. Away from sights they shouldn’t see, holding their hand and reminding them not to look back at the damage. How he could manage to look back at the danger himself, you didn’t know. Maybe he just didn’t realize how brave he really was to face it head on.

“Next time somethin’ like that happens, just find me, mkay?” He said.

You nodded your head. “Yeah. Okay.”

As you finally walked up to the group, hand in hand, you felt your heart warm; a newfound admiration for Gorrister fresh on your mind. 

You were together. And together, you’d survive eternal hell. Somehow.

[zuureleena]

i drew the mercs, miss pauling, admin, and my tf2 oc on the plane to uni 😭

i did all of these a week ago and completely forgot to post them HAJAHAH miss p, the admin, and a rlly simplified ver of my tf2 oc miss lynn!! (zoey lynn hehe + js rambles abt her) under the cut

IM ACTUALLY REWORKING HER DESIGN RNNNN bcs i made her on the sims 4 LMAO and realised how much better and concise she looked, but i really wanna try and make her look like someone you'd js see irl? sooOOo tryna make her also recognisable from silhouette alone and blahablahblah tho she isn't the kind of character that would rlly make too much of a difference in the tf2 universe

i js wanted to make a loveable character LMAO who'd have more of an impact on the relationships and kinda the story?

i liked the idea of miss p having an extroverted bestfriend who's also her wingwoman bcs miss pauling is obvs an awkward lesbian mess who needs help in the love department, and vice versa bcs zoey is into scout and miss pauling is js so glad to have him move on n realise that they r better as friends!! and that he needs to be with someone who isn't annoyed by him 24/7 (IM SORRY, LWNAKS MY SELF-INSERTEDNESS GOT IN THE WAY HAHAHAHA I CANT HELP IT) also, i haven't rlly thought of any orientation for zoey... i'm thinking of her js being a het woman or js whatever u wanna interpret her as!! cuz her sexuality isn't a core thing abt her

she's an absolute harbinger of chaos who'd do anyt for money and some company (this girl has been hella lonely n stressed out of her mind and i'll explain why in an oc post🤭🤭) and even tho she never outright admits it, she does enjoy the freedom of violence she gets to have as a mann co assistant 😭 (which will ALSO make sense when i explain her background to u guys later on)

and bcs of her long experience w shady bosses and asshole customers she's had to deal within all the jobs she's had, she catches onto the administrator's whole thing with the australium fairly early into the job, but she's in tooooo deep now and is like "damn. do i get myself out of this fucked up job (that i am fucked up enough to actually enjoy) or do i stay bcs i literally have everything i've ever wanted....shit." like,, she did say she'd do anyt for money but at the cost of what 😭 [also MAN i wish we got that final comic so i can js make zoey's suspicions make sense??!?@ but in a way it js works bcs it's js this massive mystery that we don't even know of ourselves???? so likeee, im js assuming its smth rlly dangerous or smth bcs helen literally goes to the most insane lengths to get australium and finish off her final... thingy.. that uh DEBT is it... i forgot what she called it BUT WHATEVER BUSINESS SHE HAD TO ATTEND TO B4 SHE DIED QOABJASH]

OH AND YEAH, zoey hates how bossy the admin is and is an ass abt it at times, and the admin wants zoey gone so badly bcs shes an annoying little shit (which she is and honestly, her and scout can be annoying shits tgt <3) but miss p always convinces her to keep zoey BAGAHAHA and they do get things done much faster w zoey there sooOoOOo 🌝🤭

i mean she does try to kill both miss p & l anyway but still, she can't deny that they r both good at what they do

BWOSBQJS BYE I DONT THINK ANYONE IS GONNA READ THIS AHAGAH BUT THANK YOU IF U DID 😭 I HAVE SM ABT ZOEY AND I RLLY WANT HER TO BE LOVEABLE AUGHWGS

[io-lu-art]

just a looong ramble analysing and rethinking Rey's character and turning whatever conclusions I get to into my headcanon without changing any plot points in TFA because I don't have the energy for that....

First things first. With everything I write here and publish on my blog from now on I refuse to believe that TROS ever existed. Everyone is free to have their personal opinions as long as they don't harass or hate on anyone, and this is mine. Almost every choice in that movie has left me scarred, even up til now, 4 years after its release. I thought I can ignore it, like any other healthy human being, but - oh boy, I cannot. If you are interested in reading another ramble on that, here's the post.

Since I am writing my own take on what could happen after TLJ (you may call it a fanfiction, I'm gonna call it a fanscript since that's gonna be its format), this post serves the purpose of getting my head clear around what's the deal with Rey, analysing, and lying down a solid foundation for my WIP. The story I'm writing has barely reached the end of Act I (out of III) at the moment I am composing this commentary, and I constantly notice that I get stuck with Rey's character every time I have to think about her for different reasons I will address down below.

I will make some rewrites as I see fit and necessary along the way for her character to make sense to me. All rewrites are in Tumblr's

chat style

This post will be linked to my AO3 fancifction as a reference for people to understand how I treat her character as soon as that one will be finished... *clears her throat* ...ANYWAY-

Let's have a look at Rey, shall we?

Rey's introduction.

When we first meet Rey, there is already a lot we get to learn about her. She's a scavenger. On a pretty much deserted desert planet. Water and food are scarce. She gathers parts during the day to sell them in exchange for food rations.

She has no friends, no family. She's lonely. And has been for quite a while. And yet, though hard, it looks like a pretty peaceful and stable life. If it were significantly different, we would have gotten introduction scenes of her battling some gangs or other scavengers for parts or something. But instead we were provided with beautiful, peaceful cinematography and John Williams' incredible score.

She manages. She manages because she has to and has never known to do otherwise. This on its own is already a very solid introduction. And it becomes even more powerful as we are provided with additional context later on, as she tells BB-8 that she's waiting for her family.

We know who she is, what she does and what she wants. No more questions, right?

Well, this is where it gets confusing, at least for me: there's one shot in Rey's introduction which always leaves me puzzled about her actual wants. It's the moment she puts on the rebel pilot helmet.

Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it feels like it kinda wants to draw parallels to Luke Skywalker in ANH? What exactly is the purpose of this shot? Is she putting on the helmet just for fun? Is it to show that she is still a kid inside? She seems to enjoy herself. Is it to show us that she maybe wants to be a pilot...? The gesture on its own is too little information to imply that, let alone that she already is a very skilled one, so probably no. Then, is it, perhaps, to show us that she dreams of more? Like Luke, who wanted to get off the planet that is "farthest away from the bright center of the universe"?

The interpretations, especially when looking at it in context to the rest of the movie could go on and on and on.

Quick detour.

The reason it works so well with Luke's character is because from the very beginning, with everything he does and says, it is perfectly clear that he doesn't want to stay on Tatooine. It's his only want when we first meet him.

Luke has friends who tell him about the galaxy. He seeks adventure.

And he's very impatient about it.

Everything he says basically SCREAMS how much he hates it there.

Now back to Rey.

Am I expecting Rey to show the same interest in getting off Jakku with the same attitude and level of energy as Luke, should that have been what TFA was going for? No, of course not. They are (supposed to be) two different characters after all. But I do believe that, given the setup, that helmet scene leaves too much room for confusing and unnecessary interpretation. (More so because I am trying my best to avoid nostalgia bait wherever I can.)

I am not denying the fact that she wouldn't have heard about the wider galaxy, that she wouldn't wonder about what it would feel like, being out there. People travel. And with people traveling, so do stories. So if you want to hint at that, do it subtly, all the while keeping the focus on her biggest want.

I might really just be reading too much into it, but still, in my humble opinion, a way to solve this confusion is cutting out her interaction with the pilot helmet completely. Let me demonstrate.

Inside her home we already see this self-made rebel pilot puppet. Just like the puppet lying around, instead of having her pick it up and putting it on,

the helmet remains part of the environment, stuck in the sand. There could even be a close-up on it as Rey puts down her empty plate next to it when she has finished eating if you really want to show it. She then rests her arms on her knees and looks up into the sky, following the ship that has just departed from the far outpost into the high atmosphere until it disappears. Waiting.

What is achieved by changing the interaction with the helmet is that it keeps her wants just as clear as Luke's. Luke wants adventure. She wants her family back. Period.

...I rewatched this scene after writing these paragraphs and yes, I admit, in the end it happens so fast that one could probably just let it pass and interpret it as Rey being very bored and using it as entertainment to wait out the days. But even if it were just that, the effects this little tweak would have on the following scenes is quite interesting to look at nonetheless.

The tweak I am going with from now on: Having her not actively wonder about possible adventures at all. She doesn't believe those stories to actually be true, because she's never allowed herself to. She's never allowed herself to actually want to ever leave Jakku.

What would it mean for her characterisation? It would make her slightly more serious and grounded. And the movie (except for the helmet scene) actually already treats her that way. Notice how she, while fixing BB-8's antenna, takes a moment to look at him before asking:

She's never seen such a droid before. At least not in such good condition. So, of course, she's curious. But when BB-8 says it's classified, she only laughs about it. "Classified? Really? Me too. Big secret," as if to say, haha, yeah, right. She rejects that possibility. And she doesn't bother asking any further, because when she is confronted with the choice to go and explore, she is reminded of her promise to herself, which is that she will wait for her family until they return.

Now, here is where I insert some very subtle "rewriting". When Rey first meets Finn, she is suspicious of him...

...and should actually remain suspicious,

instead of admiring him and falling into this, let's call it, "excited, fangirly smile"...

She doesn't know him. She has no reason to trust him. Instead, the tone of this line should be one that reflects her emotions as it slowly gets to her that those stories she's been hearing about might actually have some truth to them, that there might actually be a wider world out there. So make her be gradually interested.

Huh. This man I just forcefully hit to the ground, a Resistance fighter, knows about BB-8 and his classified information. What are the odds of that?

"So you're with the Resistance?" Rey asks suspiciously, looking down at the man.

The man stands up, brushes the sand and dust off his jacket and answers, "Obviously. Yes, I am. I am with the Resistance."

Rey frowns, "I've never met a Resistance fighter before," scanning him with her eyes. Why would there be any on Jakku? Nothing ever happens here.

"Oh, this is what we look like, some of us. Others look different."

Rey cannot help a little smile at his strange attitude. She looks back to where BB-8 rolled off to. Puzzled, she tells him, "BB-8 says he's on a secret mission. He has to get back to your base..." Even hearing herself pronounce that out loud feels so surreal to her. None of this makes any sense. Why-

"Apparently he has a map that leads to Luke Skywalker and everyone's after it."

What? "Luke Skywalker?" she asks, confounded.

CUT TO ACTION.

Whether she wants it or not, the plot forces her into the stories she's been hearing of. You don't want to believe they are real? They're real, all right. She has no choice but to run and get along. And later, she does get more and more interested, specifically when she meets Han Solo, the legend himself. Her whole beliefs turn upside down. It's exciting and she embraces it. Why? She's made a promise to BB-8 that she will get him home, and those things kinda come hand in hand.

Rey's physicality.

Rey is very fast to jump into action. She doesn't think twice about what she's doing. She just acts. Because that's how she's learned to survive all this time on her own. When she but hears BB-8 struggling in the distant sand dunes the first time they meet, she immediately reacts and goes to help (which also shows how compassionate she is towards people - and droids - in need of help).

And she's incredibly stubborn about it. If I may even word it like this: it's something she carries with pride.

So she's a good fighter. And I have but one request: DO. NOT. FORGET. THAT. HER. FIGHTING. STYLE. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. WHILE. THE. STORY. PROGRESSES. OK? Ok. What else? Ah, yes. Piloting. I don't know which of the two aspects has brought more uproar in the SW community, with the addition of the Force to these 2 points making people call her a Mary Sue, her being overpowered and so on. Let's have a look at that.

Rey's piloting skills.

She obviously knows her way around the Falcon. And it's plausible. "This ship hasn't flown in years!" It's been there for quite a while. Maybe she has had the opportunity to sneak onto it once. What about her flying skills? Well, that takeoff definitely had me worried. At this point I am even amazed this ship is still all in one piece. Which has me thinking... just a thought...

While trying to get those TIEs off their tail, Rey damages a visibly big part of the Falcon's exterior. "Ups," she comments, hastily checking the controls. Ok... The ship still flies. All good.

"What was that?" Finn calls from the gunner position, seriously worried for their lives.

"Nothing to worry about!" Rey quickly shouts back. All in all, the flight is messy as hell, and the Falcon needs some heavy repairs. But they still manage to get out.

"Nice shooting!"

"That was some flying! How did you do that?"

"Thanks! I don't know! I've flown some ships, but I've never left the planet."

(This is me reacting to their dialogue in the new context:) Yeah, guys, good work! You've almost destroyed the Falcon in the process, but you're alive, so I guess it's fiiiiiine.

What am I going for here? Adding to their level of expectations, which are... pretty low, and hopefully Rey's likability.

And then, later, Han is horrified of the state his ship is in, "Who did that?" Rey doesn't answer his question, but instead immediately offers her help, "I can fix that for you," feeling a bit ashamed of handling the ship of a legend this carelessly. And Han is... well, Han about it.

When would the Falcon get those repairs, you might ask? Eh, *hand gesture* there's plenty of time on D'Quar for that while they discuss how to blow up the third Deathst- *clears her throat* Starkiller Base. And obviously it's not gonna be Rey doing those repairs.

This addition tones down her abilities, puts more focus on her skills as a scavenger and makes her more relatable. I'd also argue that it puts more weight to her decision to eventually decline Han's offer to join the crew because of her wants. You see, once immersed into the real thing, the stories becoming true, meeting the legends, she becomes genuinely curious. She asks questions. Why did Luke leave? What fight? She gets incredibly excited when Han offers her a job. And yet, despite all, she still wants to go back.

Nevertheless, Rey displays pretty amazing piloting skills under those stressful circumstances on Jakku. After all, flying the Falcon is....

Her instincts are implacable. One might even say that she*

She just isn't aware of it yet. It is not until some scenes with Han and the rathtars later that we get the first hint.

The Force.

Now I might be wrong, but I have a theory, which is that the piloting performance under high pressure on Jakku might have been it. The Awakening.

The Force calls to Rey through Luke's lightsaber. And she listens to it, not knowing what will follow. She experiences the Force vision, and is horrified.

"That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to you!"

"I have to get back to Jakku." Again.

Even when Maz tells her, "You already know the truth. Whomever your waiting for on Jakku, they are never coming back,"

she still refuses to believe that.

Tears run down her cheeks

and she shakes her head. No.

"But there's someone who still could."

Rey frowns. What is Maz implying there? "Luke?" she asks and realises what it's leading up to, and doesn't like it. Her emotions are a mess. She gulps back and keeps shaking her head as Maz speaks.

"The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. [...] The light. Feel it. [...] The lightsaber. Take it."

Rey doesn't want to hear of it. Any of it.

"I am never touching that thing again!"

Rey just witnessed complete horror. She is in denial. Keep in mind her clear wants from the beginning of the movie. Ideally her want for her parents to come back should be replaced by the character fulfilling her needs at the end of her arc. But we're not nearly there yet. What Maz tells her about the Force completely contradicts Rey's experiences. She cannot just accept the truth. And how does she handle it? She runs away. She's terrified.

She wants to go back to the way things were before any of this mess started. But the plot doesn't let her run away that easily. It knows she has to face her fears, one being her fear of the Force and one the fear of perhaps never making it back to Jakku ever again.

It forces her further into these situations, making it impossible for her to get out of them. She's trapped. Literally and figuratively. And fighting her way out won't work this time, the one ability she always relied on to save herself. It's her darkest moment. And if that were not enough, Kylo Ren, this stranger, this man inside that mask, the man from her vision, shoves all her insecurities right into her face.

"And Han Solo." Rey jolts up. Either out of fear of possibly betraying Han and slipping, giving away a location, or out of rage that Kylo has gone too far into her personal space. Either way, this rage gives her some strength to oppose him. "You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you."

"Get out of my head!" He backs away for his own reasons, not wanting to think any more of his father, but still holds onto her mind. Rey does all she can to withstand him, and the longer she does, the more time it gives her to understand what is going on.

And Kylo senses it. What he's trying to do here is not working. Concern washes over his face, which makes him lose control over the situation. The connection opens, inviting Rey to tap into his mind. She's inside his head. Now she understands. She understands she can use this power on him, too. So she does.

And there it is. She's strong with the Force.

And that's intentional. Why? For reasons we discover in TLJ and numerous other fanfictions. (TROS? w-what's that-)

She has found a way out of the situation. Now, has she ever heard of Jedi mind tricks? Maybe? But remember what she just discovered: She just tapped into Kylo's mind. So she tries that again on the stormtrooper. Because when she knows how to act, she just does. She's always been confident in her physical abilities and skills. Why would she have to treat this new power any different? And luckily it works, after 3 tries.

And that's fine. Let's move on. Kylo kills Han. Explosions.

Notice this. Even though she knows she now has these new powers, the same powers Kylo has, she still draws her blaster at him after calling him a monster. She acts on emotion and choses the quick, familiar way.

I actually like to believe that Rey really doesn't know what the Force is and how it works, at all. How would she? Yes, Maz did tell her about it, but how do Force-powers manifest in people? She's never seen anyone use it before, upon meeting Kylo Ren. So in every scene she does use it, she just copies Kylo. That's the only reference she has. Remember how proud she is of her physical abilities. And she is so naive that she just goes and tries it for herself, without thinking of whether it will work out or not. And it works out for her. Because, again, she is strong in the Force.

It's true that her flaw, her naivety, is not really addressed in TFA. It never really backlashes on her. And, to be completely honest, I have no idea how to make room for that without some heavier rewrites yet. But maybe it's not necessary. TLJ takes care of that. TFA just introduces us to Rey as a character after all.

Now, is the force-summoned lightsaber making her overpowered? If you interpret it as "Kylo couldn't get that thing out the snow but Rey could," then yes, yes it is. BUT, if you see it as "while Rey is observing the fight, she sees Kylo trying to summon it, so she copies him, the way she copied him with the mind-tapping, and reaches for it the moment Kylo conveniently gets it out of the snow for her," I don't think it is, though I do agree that in order for the second version to be true, the scene happens too fast with too little shots to explain it. *OP takes a breath* So, here is what I suggest:

Kylo reaches out for the lightsaber. SHOT of the lightsaber in the snow, fidgeting slightly. BACK TO Kylo, pulling anew. BACK TO the lightsaber. It gets free. CUT. Another shot of it flying through the air towards the camera.

SHOT on Rey witnessing that - she is already on her feet again - and immediately reaching for it as well, outstretching her arm towards it.

SHOT of Kylo as he feels the momentum of his pull shift and dodges out of the way. The lightsaber flies past him, into Rey's hand.

Rey has always been fast to react to action. So it would make sense for her to be able to do that. Ok. Now to the fight itself.

*sighs* I don't even know where to start. ...One thing's for sure. Kylo at this point is pretty much destroyed emotionally from having killed his father, but he's still big and strong and aggressive in his movements. Rey, on the other hand, kinda seamlessly knows how to handle a lightsaber, which... is definitely not believable at all.

Let's step back for a moment. Why do we have this fight? Rey needs to get Finn and herself out of there and Kylo is pretty much in the way, so she wants to eliminate the problem. And what does Kylo want? Sure, he is interested in Rey and her raw powers which eventually adds up to them being equals in the Force, so he doesn't want to kill her...

But he also wants that lightsaber, doesn't he?

(God, I am looking at this fight to find any clues and I'm just sitting here, elbows on the table, resting my head in my hands, massaging my temples, wondering, "why the hell are there so many cuts in that fight scene?") (I am no expert in fight choreography, so bare with me as I try to make this work.)

Rey is the one who draws first at him.

She has never wielded a lightsaber before, but knows how to handle a staff... so she treats the lightsaber like a staff within its limitations.

Because remember, HER. STYLE. OF. FIGHTING. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. So, pretend we have some well thought out choreography in this part.

Kylo blocks her with ease. Rey is frustrated. The lightsaber feels heavy and difficult to handle. It doesn't take long for Kylo to

get her cornered at the edge of the newly formed cliff.

"You need a teacher! I could show you the ways of the Force!" he exclaims.

Rey considers, out of breath, "The Force?" Rey takes a moment as her mind connects the dots. So that's what these new powers are? Kylo watches her, waits for her to make a move. No time for pondering about the Force any more. Rey moves. Kylo LETS her duck and free herself from his block. She runs, backs away from the crater. He follows her. He outstretches his arm. Rey is stuck. She's literally petrified. Again. Kylo draws nearer. He twirls his saber, now holding it backwards (you know, Ahsoka style). "No," she hisses through her teeth, struggling. Heavy breaths. She closes her eyes. When he almost touches her hand holding the lightsaber, "No!" she RESISTS his force-cage and GOES FREE.

Because, you see, even though Maz told her to "close her eyes" and "feel the light", Rey has never done that before, and when under stress, I do believe she would rather choose a quick, familiar way to get out of the situation. The only thing she knows how to do with the Force at this point is to copy or resist Kylo. She wouldn't know how to to draw power from the Force, yet. She'll have plenty of time to learn that from Luke later, should she survive this fight, so we better continue.

Kylo stumbles back as she draws at him. Rey goes for a swing to hit from above, which Kylo manages to block last second, bringing his lighsaber up from behind his back. As their lightsabers are crossed again he quickly reaches for her right hand, which is holding Luke's saber, with his left hand and moves it aside to his right towards the ground, using his crossguard for more momentum to force her down. He steps his left foot accordingly to keep himself stable. Rey cries out from the unexpected movement. They are kinda back to back. His left shoulder against her right one. The position is uncomfortable. He squeezes Rey's wrist. Rey cries out in pain. Then, she realises how close they are.

Time for some close combat, ladies and gentlemen.

She gives in and lets go of the lightsaber, lets it fall to the ground. Kylo releases her to reach for the fallen lightsaber. But before he can pick it up, Rey KICKS his left hand away with her right heel and PUNCHES his JAW with her right elbow from below. Kylo's head rocks back. He stumbles backwards from the harsh impact, causing him to turn his back to her in order to catch himself. Rey summons Luke's lightsaber back into her left hand, and ignites it. When Kylo turns back to his opponent, left and unprotected side first, Rey is ready to stab him in his left shoulder.

Kylo stumbles back some more, she brings her hands together for another strike leftwards, he barely blocks it, he stumbles back some more, it leaves his posture open, Rey strikes again, rightwards, lower this time, wounding his leg, he falls to his knee, leaving Rey the final blow to provide him with his scar.

The reason I started writing this entire ramble in the first place is a conversation I had with my friend which brought up the fact that Rey should be able to beat Kylo by using her rough, unpredictable moves. Shout out to my friend who, bless her, is willing to listen to and survives every one of my sw rants and who pointed this out in the first place!

Is this a good fightscene now? I have no idea. I hope so? I do have it very clear in my head now though, so I might go and have some fun storyboarding it in the nearest future.

You know the rest. The ground splits, she runs to Finn, Chewie picks them up. . . .

There are some more moments which I believe need some tweaks, like the meeting with Leia, which is just so unfair to Chewie, really, but if I go on and on about this, I would end up changing the entire movie, which I do not have the strength for atm. This ramble was supposed to be about Rey and her alone, so I am done here.

I guess in the end Rey does realise her needs and is able to let her wants aside for a bit longer and focus her hope on actually helping the Resistance and get Luke. Hope that, with finding Luke, she will get to understand these new powers. I do feel like the movie could have provided us with a more emotionally rich reactive scene to the fight and her abilities, and generally just more of those, but then, what am I expecting from a JJ Abrams film? We have Rian for that.

My conclusion? I'm bad with conclusions and summaries, so here you have it, my take on Rey by only adding to the existing dialogue, changing some attitudes here and there, adding a scene, and changing the fight sequence at the end and how she treats the Force.

I do have a clearer understanding of her character now, which was the entire purpose of this ramble, so I guess, mission accomplished. Congratulations on having made it till the end. It was a long ride. I did consider splitting this beast into 2 parts, but while writing this, at one point I just decided to fully commit to it.

You are totally free to, of course, agree with me and stay tuned for my WIP fanscript or disagree, never read through this thing ever again, ignore it and leave it to die on Tumblr's graveyard.

Before you ask, because I also considered doing that just for the sake of having fun with GIFs on Tumblr (all text gifs are taken from YARN btw), I will not do a post like this on TLJ, since I have no problems with Rey's character there at all. Props to Rian Johnson at this point, for managing to make sense of her with what TFA gave us.

[scapegoated-if]

about your request for people to look at your code on the new link: we kinda can't?? lol

when you type in "/scenes" at the end of the new link, a pop-up comes up that says "This game has chosen not to share its source code. You'll have to ask the author's permission" and therefore code-diving is not allowed and so on

if you just meant "test code" as playtest, then sorry, i misunderstood, whoops

this isnt me making a moral judgement about us not being allowed to see the code btw. you do whatever you want! i think its neat that authors now have the option to say "no" to code-divers and have that boundary reinforced like this, making it a system of consent for code-diving rather than the previous climate of "oh, that is kind of inevitable unless someone knows in advance you asked for no code-divining, but we can try to honor-code it" at best for anyone who didnt like it. it's just, if you meant for us to potentially code-dive to look through how your code has changed, we cant do that. but again, if you dont want us to, then dont worry about trying to appease any code-divers, you do whatever you want lmao

With you guys being able to see my code, as much as I didn’t mind, it did feel very revealing. There aren’t any spoilers in the coding, it’s more that I’m talking to myself and leaving in little messages to myself that it almost feels embarrassing to know that other people may have been able to see that. In general, I rather polish my coding first and get to a stage where it isn’t as chaotic as it very much so is right now in my rookie phase…

And I actually went back to see if I ever said “test code” in a past blog post and I cannot find that wording anywhere to save my life, so I think we may have got lost in translation a little there. Still, it’s all good!

I did mean playtest (I think), I’m still familiarising myself with all the lingo. Whatever the term is for literal error pop-ups throughout gameplay that prevents you from continuing the story—I mean that.

I find it mind-boggling that anyone would be willing to read my coding from start to finish just to see if there any errors. I would never ask that of anyone! I don’t even ask that of myself!

I will make it available to you guys again soon because I would in actuality prefer you guys to be able to see it considering I spend so much time on it in the first place.

Sorry for the confusion!

Stay groovy!

P.S. I didn’t actually add “/scenes” to the link! I just clicked a checkbox so I suppose it did it automatically for me? I don’t how any of this stuff works, man.

[moltengoldveins]

yeah no, I think the realization that I’m older than Anakin Skywalker in the second prequel is doing something to my brain. yall. Y’all, he was a child. He was nineteen. He wasn’t even in his twenties. Say what you will about the Jedi culture (I have… so many thoughts. Most are positive, with a few glaring negatives) it obviously did not work for him, and it was not supporting or caring for him the way he needed, and nobody got him out. There was no way out. No “hold out until you graduate, then get an apartment away from your family and find peace” no “leave that group of friends and find people who love you” he had Obi Wan, Palpatine, and Padme. Obi Wan made it quite clear that Jedi weren’t Allowed to love the way Anakin had been taught love was supposed to work, and he clearly didn’t explain how Jedi love worked. Not well enough for Anakin to internalize it around the screaming background noise of suspicion and slavery. Palpatine was a Sith. And Anakin married Padme. We’re literally never shown evidence that he made other close friends in the Jedi, or anywhere else. Obi Wan, traumatized oddball with a maverick master and a years-long gap in his padawan training that he was, had Quinlan, had Windu, had Yoda, had Bant, had Dex. He had People. Anakin did not. I’m kinda… kinda loosing my mind over that, cause I know how bad that can get. I’ve had people now for a few years. I didn’t, for nearly two decades. I am rather uniquely situated to be sympathetic. That doesn’t excuse how badly Anakin screwed up but damn if it doesn’t explain it. I am older than he was. I’m really still a kid. I’m in college. I’m learning how to balance a sleep schedule. I’m taking meds for the first time. I’m new to making friends. he’s married. He’s battlefield-knighted, thrust into a spotlight, and told-but-not-told that it’s His Responsibility to end this war. He’s holding dying men. He’s raising a thirteen year old girl who’s never been trained for a conflict bigger than a diplomatic dispute. He’s cradling his beaten and violated mother in his arms. She doesn’t have enough breath to finish telling him she loves him before she’s gone. I’m pretty sure I woulda snapped, too. I’m pretty sure I woulda snapped sooner. I dunno if my nigh-unhealthy adherence to my oddly specific moral code (no violence against children, ever, period) would have stopped me in the Temple, or at the Tusken camp, but I woulda done horrible things in his situation. I think we all would have, and it makes me uncomfortable when people say that Anakin is some kind of monster. I think we like pretending that there’s some inherent difference between Bad People and Good People that starts at birth. There isn’t. We’re all fallen. We’re all entirely capable and Actually Rather Prone to evil in all its forms, yes including that one. you are capable of that level of evil. The whole point of these stories is to show you how easy it is to ‘fall,’ how convenient it is to reach for the darkness, how quickly you could find yourself lost. You are capable, in certain circumstances, of committing atrocities. You are. We all are. We are lucky enough to be born with decent parents, with a supportive community, and a lack of significant influences to the ‘dark side.’ But there is no difference between you and i and a murderer in our levels of ‘inherent soul goodness’ or whatever, just a difference in our stubborn adherence to what is good and right. Our choices are our own, yea, but they are always human choices. There has never been a choice made by someone that could not have, in another circumstance, been made by anyone else.

[therealgchu]

WIP Wednesday - To the Shore

hey, check it out, actually doing a main fic thing! mainly cos my brane is still stuck in the middle of chapter 4 of Seven Days, and i'm getting real tired of its shit. so tired of it that, apparently, i'm writing back on my main fic.

tagging the coemancer crew, and anyone else if you want to share a WIP.

anyway, something fuzzy and warm for today's WIP wednesday. i've skipped a bit ahead, but not too far. still trying to plot out some major plot points and how that's all going to happen.

if you want to read To the Shore from the beginning, check it out here.

there's also the backstories, Anamnesis here. i'll be putting some some spicy backstories soon, but it'll be in a different fic since i don't want to muddy the tags for the OG backstories.

and, Seven Days, if my brane ever gets chapter 4 finished.

on with the sneak peek!

“I want a bunk bed,” Cora said.

Sam smiled, “I think we can do that, right Hwa?” he asked as he turned to her.

Hwa smiled, “Of course. Why a bunk bed?”

“So, I can put my plushies on top!” Cora answered.

“Makes sense,” Hwa nodded, “yeah, no problem.”

“And, I want a computer, of course. Have you seen the new processors that came out recently? Some of them can get up to a couple petaflops!” Cora gushed. “I’ve got the specs written down,” she announced as she rummaged through her backpack

Sam looked in askance at his daughter, “That might be pretty expensive, gumdrop,” he said, attempting to temper her enthusiasm.

Hwa grinned at the girl, the first real smile she’d had in weeks. “Don’t worry about computers. I’ve already got some specc’d out for the both of us.”

“Hey, don’t I get to have a say?” Sam interrupted. 

Hwa moved over to stand by Cora’s side and the two looked at each other, then looked back to Sam. “Umm…Dad, would you even know what we’re talking about?” Cora asked.

He grunted and shook his head. “Fine, you two do whatever. No illegal stuff, though, got it?”

“Yessss,” both answered sarcastically.

“Good,” he said as Cora raced down to her berth in the lower deck. Sam crossed the way and put his arm around Hwa’s waist. “It’s good to see you smiling again, darlin,” he said as he kissed her cheek.

She leaned against his chest, “I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard on the both of you,” she said.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said as he gave her waist a squeeze. “I’m glad we’re going back to Ternion. I kinda missed working on the homestead.”

The term made her smile, “Homestead, huh? Your Akila is showing,” she ribbed him.

“Well now, miss, I reckon that as an Akila man, born and raised, we should rightly call our home a homestead. It only sounds right and proper,” Sam said, laying it on thick.

Hwa laughed as Sam cocked his hat to her. They both heard Cora moan from the lower deck, “Daaddd! That’s terrible!” she shouted. He grinned even wider.

“Really, though, we should come up with a name,” Hwa said.

A herd of small horses was heard on the lower deck as Cora made her way back and up the ladder. “I want to name it!” she shouted.

Hwa and Sam looked at each other, both seeing agreement on the other’s face. “Sure, gumdrop. What do you want to name the homestead?”

“Pemberley!” Cora said excitedly.

Sam looked quizzically while Hwa chuckled, “It’s Mr. Darcy’s estate,” Hwa explained.

“I remember that now, thought it sounded familiar,” Sam said, scratching his head.

“You don’t like it,” Cora said, crestfallen.

“It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s that, well, I don’t think we’re a ‘Pemberley Estate’ sort of family,” Sam explained.

“We could be if we wanted to be,” Cora wheedled, pouting a bit.

“Cora, I don’t think I could be an ‘Estate’ person if I tried,” he said, trying not to be too harsh.

“How about a compromise,” Hwa interjected, “Pemberley Homestead,” she suggested.

[loser-brain]

If you have not seen this post goin' around about not giving permission to allow people to take your work and put it into an ai against your wishes. There's the post.

Let's talk about this user's close-minded brain that they left in the replies.

The fact that they believed they are saying "Facts" is pathetic. They even answer a question from anon who believes they are saying facts.

Hey come here, have you ever heard of... plagiarism? It's a fancy word for theft. Especially in a creative field mostly used in writing.

My fellow lovelies, it's that time again.

THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO SLAUGHTER ANOTHER BIGOTED IDIOT IN THE CREATIVE FIELD >:D

Ai aka Artificial intelligence, what the hell is that? Glad you ask, I don't know, but in simpler terms, it's code that replicates and learns. The more you interact with it and correct its errors the more it will realize and perfect its code. IT'S NOT ALIVE. It's simply following a code that involves something along the line like us which is growth.

Using ChatGPT for fun is alright. Using ChatGPT or OpenAi to finish a story that is not yours... is not alright. That is where a line has been crossed. A line that violates Fair Use.

And since the majority of AO3 users are not putting their work behind a paywall, it still falls under fair use.

OH but it's a fanfic, we can do whatever we like with it!

WRONG. Fan-fictions falls under copyright laws. So in other words. Y'all are violating our rights by putting them into an Ai. get fuck.

BOOM! BANG! AND HERE'S ANOTHER THING! Ai, in the US, have to have the permission of the original author to have their work used in the testing to improve the Ai ability.

SO GET FUCK AGAIN

Okay now that the facts are done. Like I'm serious, it's done, got any questions, shoot me an inbox. Now we dissect this person's close mind dumb reply.

FYI, everyone is like, destroying this person. I'm serious, oof I do not want to be this person. I still kinda remember the last person that spoke dumbness, but about art. Remember that person, damn, they really got my blood boiling at like... oh hey, it's 3 in the morning... This must be fate.

SO LET'S BEGIN!

"I mean alright but at the same time, Maybe it's a sign you should finish your fanfictions 🙃"

Damn, someone has a lot of time on their hand. And as someone who does has a lot of time on my own hands, I still can't fully finish a fic. Wanna know why, because I'm tired. Like there would be days where my brain goes somewhere and I'm left with trash. I'm feelin' trashy, I'm feelin' moody, I'm even feelin' lost. It's normal to feel empty and want to fill it but don't have the energy for it. So maybe instead of being an ass to people and forcing them to finish something they can't at the moment. How about, maybe, you should stop being an ass and let people take their time 🙃.

"Like, if a fic has been abandoned for at least over a year, I feel like it's ok"

Everyone, repeat after me, fan fiction is protected under the copyright laws.

"Cause like, you clearly aren’t gonna finish it, why should it be left unfinished?"

Who's gonna tell em'? Anyone? *sees you raising your hand in the back, ignores you* Alright, I will! So like, do you not have imagination? Like do you not just, lay there in the grass under a big tree, letting the wind touch upon your cheekbone, and just... dream about the story. Like, don't you just read a volume of a book and just, imagine what happens next. Once you are done reading that volume of the book, don't you just anticipate what happens next in the story? Don't you have those moments where you thought about whether a character was going to die or live? Whether they save the day or not? Cause if you don't then damn, that's sad. You're sad. Like shit man, I'm sad but oof, that's even sadder than me.

"Now I don't think anyone has the right to post that work anywhere cause it's not yours."

OMG, I'M SO PROUD-

"But getting an AI to finish a work that *you have no intention of finishing* isn't really wrong in my opinion."

I WAS SO PROUD OF YOU AND NOW LOOK AT YOU. YOU IDIOT. Once again, say it with me now, fan fiction is protected under the copyright laws. So in other words, THEY CANNOT PUT YOUR WORK INTO AI WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT/PERMISSION. god fuckin' damn it. So close, you were so fuckin' close.

"If you are gonna finish it, make that clear"

HOW!? No, tell me how. How the fuck is someone who is using their free time to write a fic is gonna make it clear for you to understand that is their work and they get to choose whether they can work on it or not. Huh? It's fanfic, it's one thing when a users ask the author to continue the story because that is a thing that writers do. There is a group of people that would take over the fic and finish it for the author if the author just does not have time to finish it.

It's another when a user just blatantly takes it and shoves it into an Ai because AHAHAHA IT'S A FANFIC IT'S NOT PROTECT UNDER ANYTHING. WRONG BITCH IT COUNTS AS A FANWORK. Therefore it falls under fair use and copyright.

Writing is more complex to tell whether plagiarism exists in it. But we're no longer talking about plagiarism if you are just shoving it into an ai machine. You see, that is a violation of OUR copyright. OUR fair use. OUR work.

Oh but what about intellectual property? Are y'all putting your work behind a paywall? no, then it's fine. You still have the power to protect your work. So instead of believing this person thinking they are spilling facts... do a simple Google search. Is fanfiction protected by copyright law?

It's fanwork. Therefore, yes. Yes, it is.

Just gonna casually edit this: The commentators have learned what they did/said was wrong.

This is not a debate post. I'm stating facts that your work is protected and in the US you got to have the author's permission to put their work into Ai tech/machines. If you don't have their permission then it's a violation of their right.

[heaven--scent]

3 weeks on Estrogen Update

Inspired by @hbbethany's updates

Fuck it really doesn't feel like 3 weeks, somehow it feels like forever ago yet no time at all. I don't really have much to say just a few bullet points, but i won't revise this bit if i ramble on so fuck it we ballin'.

Skin- My skin has gotten softer in more places, epilating my arms and legs has helped me notice it there but the most notable part has been my nipples, as they have been becoming more ladylike they have become more sensitive as the areola has grown slightly. for those of you with modding knowledge i feel like I've installed a new 4k skin texture and I'm waiting for the body mesh to install (hope I get CBBE) also found that the back of my neck and top of back are accessible sources of free Euphoria if I'm feeling down since it just looks like Im thinking.

Smell- I mentioned in my last update that my non-existent sense of smell has been developing and i think its getting stronger but still quite subtle so only strong scents get noticed, and i still need to develop an understanding of the basics of smell to be able to do things like say "hmmm this has a woody texture with floral undertones". also nobody I've told has gone wow that's crazy when i think getting a new sense kinda is.

Strength- I have noticed my physical fitness has atrophied far faster than ever before, lifting things feel heavier, jogging around my block i can only get half way at my usual pace and have to walk a way when i could do so without stopping even after picking it up again after a while. Id usually smash out a 1km (0.6miles for Muricans) swim easily but had to settle for half that.

For context i usually wouldn't do any exercise and would maintain a level of strength that i was comfortable with and know these metrics from my many attempts before E to get in better shape. but 3 weeks on E have reduced these for me. so advice for people starting would be to so some exercises if this is something that would bother you or you want to maintain. on the bright side my thighs are becoming nice and jiggly, so is my chest somewhat.

Penis- Shenis, Gock, whatever you want to call it here I'm gonna talk about something i found this week playing with myself so stop here if your not interested.

I used to masterbate every night while my body ran on testosterone since i was like 16. It would help me sleep, but i have found that for a while since I've been on 25mg per day of Cyproterone that my Sex drive has died nearly entirely, I've been on for a month and a half now. This week out of curiosity i went to my old places and tried to JO.

i managed to finish after a long time but had far less ejaculate then ever before with a small amount of blood (internet search found that this is normal after abstaining for a long time) curious i tried again the next day and just couldn't find anything good, even from saved favorites i tried for hours and eventually noticed only the tip was receptive to stimulation so after a while of treating it like i would a clit i managed to finish but it felt different, like a wave of relief washing over me and peace and no ejaculate.

I'm curious if any other AMAB Trans people have found anything similar, if anyone knows if that was a feminine orgasm or not cos it was new. I'm considering buying some toys to explore it more and would love suggestions on what to buy or look for.

[mariska]

hello world i am awake and have my first dose of daily medications in my system and thus have a lil bit of energy at the moment to just Type My Thoughts Out Into The Void On Here. so here is my non internet/social media life update for all of u today:

later in the day i am finally gonna be able to meet/hang out with one of my longest exclusively internet-based friends of mine after a little under 10 years of us being friends!! im so happy + excited for it but i still have some chores and last minute cleaning stuff i gotta do before he gets here, hopefully waking up a lot earlier than i usually do will give me whatever time i need to finish my part of the household preparations 😅 but yeah!!! he's a mutual friend of both me and Eli (obviously, would not otherwise just be like. hey Eli this person u dont know or hypothetically arent friends with actively is also staying at the house while ur here get used to it HFSGSHSCGSF) and we've been trying to put together some kind of non-internet hangout trip for years and it just didnt work out until this time around.

right before the first global shutdown covid wave back in early 2020 the three of us had been trying to plan a May hangout together that we called "superbirthday" (cus my birthday is may 6 and my friend Jon's, person who is coming here 2day, has a may 26 birthday, so the 20 days in between both our birthdays is 'superbirthday' celebration time 😌✌️) so im like. beyond excited that we've all actually been able to make it happen for real this time!!

i've met up irl now with quite a few of my good friends who were people i originally met online in some way but it's still so surreal in a happy way whenever that happens again. me and Jon originally became friends through the Gmod server "Gmod Towers" (which doesnt even exist anymore it has its own separate game that both me and Jon actually contributed to the fundraising campaign for the devs to develop yrs ago) in like. fall of 2014, if u never played on it back then, it was a really chill fun virtual hangout server world kinda similar to like....imvu/second life, that kinda thing, but on a much smaller scale than either of those and with most playable characters taken from like, the general Gmod Valve Game Character Model List. it was styled like a resort type hotel with different areas of the map having different activities u could do with friends or anyone else around, there was a mini games section and a big hotel lobby where a lot of people just sat in groups and talked with their mic headsets and a hotel room area that saved whatever interior decor u set up in ur room, u could watch youtube vids on a virtual tv and throw parties for the server to come join and be goofy at....Good Times.

ANYWAYS all of that to say, as awful as the general internet experience can be like all the time forever especially in more modern yrs, im really grateful that in my life i've been able to make such meaningful connections and friendships with people online, sometimes in niche lil corners of the internet with dedicated fan followings like Gmod Tower!! i say it irl all the time to ppl but the internet truly Was Not One Big Mistake despite the increasing chaos of the whole big picture concept, being someone who is disabled and had to drop out of school at 14 to quite literally keep myself alive and keep my body/brain from totally failing on me, i genuinely don't think i would have many friends if any at all if i hadn't been able to connect with people online, especially with my Agoraphobia making it very difficult to like. put myself out there in the world.

....yeah! so. thats what i am up to currently. and yes we WILL all be playing Kirby Air Ride for the Gamecube on my Pink Disney Princess TV as a Superbirthday™️ activity. for ur information.

[the-fiction-witch]

Thirty-Three

Media IRL

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Sweet + Flirty

Concept Birthday

I woke to what had to be one of those strange situations that if I tried to explain to anyone else they would send me for a psych evaluation. I was laid in our cosy new bed with the cosy plumpness of sleeping on a still new mattress along with the mild fear that comes with sleeping on a new mattress in a new bed frame that you yourself assembled. It's cosy but it's also a little on edge. The sweet lavender scented sheets cuddled close to me with the only light the gentle glow from the salt lamp on the other bedside table and the small day light that has forced its way around the blind and curtains on the window. But all that wasn't why this situation was particularly strange. What was strange however was the noise I heard. Enough to force me to sit up in the bed confused and mildly intrigued by the sound of an occoriena blowing a gentle but still not completely correct 'binary sunset' very sweetly being played by y/n stood at the foot of our bed in her nightie she wasn't doing bad and it was kinda cool just a very odd way to wake up. Till she finished so I gave her a little applause

"Well done sweetheart"

"I learnt it, in secret for your birthday"

"Awwww, your so sweet" I smiled taking her hand and tugging her into bed for a cuddle so she could sit on my lap "you know you don't have to do anything special for my birthday"

"Awww my darling Tommy." She smiled taking my face in her hands "that ship has long sailed" she giggled giving me a kiss "did you like the song?"

"It was very good, strange to be woken up by but good. I'll have to get you to play me lots of songs now your getting so good" I told her "So what are we going to do today?"

"Whatever you want, anything at all" 

"Anything I want? Anything at all?"

"Of course"

"...so we can, finally make a mess of the new bed?" 

For a moment she rolled her eyes "I'll get a towel"

"Yes!" I smirked pulling her close "I love you so much"

"Awww I love you too Tommy" she smiled hugging me too "hey Tommy?"

"Ummm?"

"Your old"

"Thank you sweetheart. You tell me every year" I laughed

"Old" she giggled

"Yes dear." I sighed

"We're not an old married couple yet Thomas"

"Working on it" I smiled giving her a kiss 

"Your thirty three now" she giggled poking me "which if your knees now randomly hurt?"

"That's an unfair- damn it my knee kinda does hurt" I sighed noticing she was right my knee did kinda hurt for no reason "maybe I did it at the gym or something"

"... The gym that you went to. Three weeks ago?"

"It's my birthday your meant to be nice to me"

"No" she smiled, giving me a kiss and scampering off to fetch the towel 

"Shall I grab the box while you're gone?"

"No, not today" she calls back

"Really!"

"Yes"

"Wooo!"

Once I'd had a nice bath and gotten dressed for the day I headed downstairs to see y/n making coffee and the table lined with things for me 

"You spoil me" I told her giving her a kiss

"You spoil me in my birthday I have to return the favor. Besides it's not all me blue paper is me, stripes is your family, and various is everyone else"

"You've still spoilt me more than anyone else"

"Because I love you" she smiled giving me my coffee and a kiss 

"Love you too" I smiled taking a seat to open my mountain of presents often giving her kisses and thanks for my gifts "oooh new jumper that's cosy. I'm gonna wear it actually it's kinda chilly"

"Weather man says rain'

"Rain? Awww so no bike today?"

"I don't think so Tommy no motorbike today"

"Ohh that's okay lots more things we can do. Maybe bike tomorrow?" I asked slipping my new jumper on immediate feeling the soft warmth 

"Maybe see what weather man says" 

"You knit sometimes?"

"Yes."

"Why do you ever give me things you knit?"

"Unwise. Bad luck if you gift someone your dating a knitted item you knitted destined for disaster"

"You and God damn suspension. You have any idea how many miles extra we use to walk in London just because you wouldn't walk under ladders, scaffolding or on cracks in pavement"

"I know but we don't have to worry about that now" she smiled "it's a similar curse to partners name tattoos just don't do it bad things will come" 

"I mean… honestly I don't why you'd want my name tattooed on you. Sort of ruin your… body aesthetic?" 

"Good point. Why would you want my name tattooed in you Thomas?"

"God no. I held your hand and watched you get the colour in your arm I am never going back to that terrifying place unless it is to hold your hand again." I told her "awww thank you for my flowers sweetheart"

"Your welcome, we needed some for the table anyway" 

"There lovely I will need your help in keeping them alive" 

"You want my help in that? Me? Who killed a cactus"

"Good point. I still don't know how you did that" 

We finished up with all my presents and we had a small breakfast after a few calls from people before I sat on the sofa beside her 

"So what do you want to do for the rest of your birthday? Do you wanna go out on a adventure in the car? You wanna go on a hike? You wanna go to a fancy restaurant? Wanna go look online for air bnbs and go on a random sudden trip?" 

"What time is it?"

"Half eleven"

"Hummmmm… can't go out on my bike because it's rainy"

"Ummm"

"Can't just walk somewhere as we now don't live in London and there literally isn't public transport here"

"There's a bus."

"A bus?"

"A bus. It comes on Thursdays to take old people to town" 

"Wooo. But still it's nice being out of London" I smiled moving to lay with my head in her lap which she happily smiled at and began to pet my hair "can't take the car out the brakes are on my workshop table."

"Unwise to go without brakes"

"Ummm. Don't really wanna go out anywhere, or travel anywhere can't be asked to pack a bag and go somewhere I kinda just wanna be at home in our nice new house"

"If that's what you want Tommy then that is what we shall do"

"Really?"

"Ummm humm" she nods "we can get some shopping in for delivery, get all snug Infront of a movie and make a nice cosy hand made dinner for tea. That sound nice Tommy?"

"That's sounds perfect sweetheart" I smiled giving her a kiss 

[feuxx]

YOUR ANSWER 😭💖💖 youre so lovely and sweet and incredible bro😭 youre way more talented as a writer than i am!!! but i appreciate the kind words🥺im trying to find more of my confidence, but yaknow🤡clownin and shit. i have fics and shit out but im okay with staying anon if u wanna stay anon🥺i think its fun !! but ofc im also fine with not being anon😂its up to you, ofc. i started it because you are way cooler than me and so talented and i was like. scared to reach out for some reason LFKSKSKKW but ur so sweet and everything that im so much more comfortable😭

also. me 🤝 u being dehydrated LMFAOO i barely drink water fr and its such a problem. i just bought myself a water bottle that lets fruit infuse within because i am hoping it inspires me to drink more if its prettier and tasty!! its working so far LOL at least im drinking a bit more than usual.

AHH UR SO CUTE THAT U REMEMBERED STOPPP (2+ years is crazy omfgg). i just graduated in december !!! i have my masters in secondary education in teaching, but then i tried teaching and it turns out i always hated and despise the school system so i promptly quit and am going back to school LMFAOO HOW ARE YOU?? whatcha been up to? my ass is in between all things rn so im just kinda limboing

and media wise. man. ive been watching a cdrama called moonlight mystique and its so good😩😩the leads are 10/10 (attractive and talented and fun to watch love n banter). my bi ass is all about it LMFAO the second male lead is kinda bleh to me as a character and as a storyline but whatever. ill deal with it at the cost of the beautiful woman and man dynamic. what about u!!! do you have any recommendations?? ive been missing my bl dramas lately fr

— your 🥀 anon💖

sfkjalsdfasdf i'm no writer my dear 🤡 also asdfkjaslsdfsdf me??? cool?? why would anyone be scared of me i'm nothing bro. a speck of dust mayhaps!!!!!!! extremely flattered that you thought that of me like that though. 🥺💖

rest of the answer under the cut because im yapping so much wow

i love the anon thing i will admit 🥰 but im even more curious. if you're willing to tell me who you are? i have been. dying of curiosity for 2 years now lmao. 🫶 you can dm me. or anything!!! if you feel like it ofc. <3

Awwww yis for the water bottle!! i tried doing the fruit infusing thing too ages ago but fruits like strawberries are expensive </3 ... i hope you can keep it up!! having a nice motivation always help <3 i recently bought a shaker bottle (for mixing up protein) and the bottle itself is shaped in a way that really helps me simply chug the water???? like. idk how but it works lmao 💥

omg!!! congratulations on finishing your degree!! that is such a big milestone 💖🥳🙌!!!!! like rip the not liking the school system but like. that is still such a big accomplishment !!!!!! still very proud of u !!!! and you should be proud of u too!!! 🥰🙌 it's kinda normal to be limbo-ing in your situation though, when you have to change your life direction like that. i hope you find your north star, once again. ⭐

the first time you wrote to me i was finishing my education and now it's been almost 2 years of 9-5 working adult lifestyle and man. i get it now when people are saying that working 9-5 is so much better than being a student. i used to be super tired and depressed at the beginning because the thought and idea of 9-5 is really soul-crushing but i learned to find joy? within my current life. so it has been going good yay! and i'm also making efforts to not fall into the sleep -> work -> sleep -> work etc. cycle because that is a depression speedrun lmao. so im trying "extracurricular" stuff, signing up to things i've never tried, socializing and making new friends, finding new things to integrate into my routine, etc. 💖 i also told myself to try dating this year too. but im having cold feet and im scared of the daunting world of dating apps. 💀

Oooooo cdramas!! googling moonlight mystique and they are all very gorgeous wowie ‼️im glad you're enjoying it, despite the bleh second lead!!!!

as for me, i've been reading a lot of . bl and bl adjacent novels lmaooooo. bl wise, i am in the midst of reading Turning and it is the most beautiful slowburn, omegaverse novel ever. idk what are your thoughts about omegaverse but this novel is one that does it right (no weird Heterosexual Gender Roles superimposed on a same-sex couple, no dubcon sex scenes) !!! the setting only adds to the dynamic of the main pairing!!! they're such a power couple!!! i say that i would die for them but they are competent enough that my death would be meaningless to help!!! I really recommend it and i've pushed it every one of my friends. 🥰let me know if you read it!!! take care my sweet 🥀 anon !!!