#i worry if they hate me online what if they do irl. what if im too ugly and annoying :(

[montied]

at least if she does go through with it i can just go to seymour and no-one will know. what're they gonna do about it

[saint-lajka]

the nervouserrr <- guy who is going to london a few days after he gets back from america

[docotokautism]

im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it

[skunkes]

Answering dis ask chopped up too

thank u, but my situation isnt that dire! Thats where half the problem comes from, i struggle because its really not that bad here, i just would like to leave for the regular reasons anyone would wanna leave home (+ being trans), that joke about what you dont pay in rent by living with your parents, you pay with your mental health etc etc

[snekdood]

idc if ppl think im problematic i just want it to be for the actual real reasons i am

[luxiomahariel]

Hey hey! Wanted to share an experience n get it off my chest if that’s okay, you don’t gotta post it if you don’t want to. This experience is what led me to discover transandrophobia and devour as much as I could of it and I’m also reading so much intersectional feminism as a result!

Ages back, a group of former “friends” that were all adult lesbians of varying transfem and nonbinary genders, unironically Exploded at me due to a conversation that I’ve since showed a vast amount of people who have all confirmed that I was being respectful and agreeable throughout. The gist of the convo was that I “wasn’t listening to transfems” because I, as someone who grew up as a brown arab woman, simply MENTIONED that Imane Khelif was being attacked through racism as well as transmisogyny. For context, I agreed multiple times that she was being attacked through both, but the group was immediately vehemently accusing me of denying transmisogny as a “tme”.

They kicked me from the server, and the owner dmed me a link to @/transmisogny-explained so I could “better myself”, which is a blog that has plenty of good posts, but is so deeply transandrophobic that it makes it difficult to even look through. During the aftermath of this whole thing, my partners had dmed some folks from the server to clarify what had happened for them to react so intensely, and I’ll quote some of the things I noticed from them/their responses:

- every single one of them was white.

- ONLY used he/him for me during this despite rarely/never doing so otherwise. I use any pronouns.

- described me reblogging transmasc positivity posts on my personal blog afterwards as “going on a reblogging rampage” and describing my emoji-filled, friendly, worried messages as “aggressive” and “lashing out after being criticized by a trans woman Once”.

- one said that they’ve been wanting to cut me off since they found out I support trans men lesbians. Because I call myself a multigender dyke and am a man as well as a woman.

- same person also spread that I was calling trans women slurs because I had once reblogged a post where someone mentioned “b/aeddels”

- shortly after they all blocked me on all platforms, my partners showed me their reblogs were absolutely full of the most transandrophobic slop I’ve ever seen, mixed in with good posts about supporting transfems. They also masked off about other queer infighting, such as being on the wrong, cruel side of ace discourse and also needlessly hating on mspec lesbians, anyone using Achillean or the “toothpaste flag” or anything that “appropriated lesbian culture”, and stuff like that.

- turned on my partners as well (tho with less vitriol thank god) for being associated with me. Which they didn’t deserve to be cut off for :(

Basically I’m more than glad to be cut off from them cuz I had no clue of the sheer hatred they were holding for queer people that were different from them, but also I can’t ever help but keep in mind that one of the quickest ways I’ve ever gotten to be called a man, or had he/him used on me, was alongside being called “tme” and being painted as an aggressor.

Everyone involved is safely out irl, and knows fully that I am deeply closeted for safety irl. They spoke plenty of my “tme privilege” while knowing I was at home closeted against my will for my safety and suffering from it on the daily. They labeled me as a rampaging, lashing out tme man, despite rarely using anything but she/they for me beforehand. They cut me off from a huge portion of online community, knowing full well how unsafe my position was and how much I needed the support. I’ll never forget that they saw a closeted brown trans man mention racism alongside transmisogny and immediately jumped him and slandered his name with accusations and aggressive behavior.

jesus christ thats awful

bigotry always seems to come in bunches huh? transandrophobia, aphobia, homophobia, and exorsexism/enbyphobia.... yeesh.

im glad you got away from that server and hopefully my blog can be a safe space for you 🫂

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for flirting with my online friend 🌐❓

i (20s, trans man) have been getting closer to my online friend (same as me). we were mutuals for a while in what i can best describe as an online writing community but only started actually talking last year when i approached him to do a project together. we've been pretty strictly platonic for the last year but this year it's ramped up a bit (in part i think due to greater proximity)- we make a lot of sexual jokes at each other. now that's not necessarily a big deal because we do it at other male (and not male in his case) friends of ours, its just sort of how our circle interacts with each other, but it's a bit different for me because i do actually have somewhat of a crush on him. i'm not super sure of how he feels towards me, but i do think he knows at least partially how i feel and is at least humouring our banter.

now here's where i feel like an asshole. i have no intention of dating him at all- even if he does like me back, the reality is that we live on two entirely separate continents and neither of us have the financial means to go see each other. now you could suggest we date long distance or online but i've done that like 4 different times now with 4 different people and i just know it doesn't work for me, for a variety of reasons i won't get into. just trust me when i say it would end poorly. i'm not on speaking terms with any of my exes (nor do i want to be, bar one) and my friend is important enough to me that if we ended up like that then i'd be really upset about it. usually when i break up with someone or am broken up with i'm left with a lot of resentment and bitterness. plus our writing project would be tanked, which i'm not willing to jeopardise because i think it's excellent, he's a great partner.

in addition to that i'm only a few months out of a pretty rough breakup with someone i also had viewed as a close friend (irl, not online). i'm not conflating them here, because they aren't alike whatsoever, but i worry that im using my friend as an emotional rebound to cope with what my ex did to me, even if he doesn't know it. i don't want my ex back and i am honestly still feeling a lot of anger towards him, so it's been nice putting my attention and libido elsewhere. however i know how shitty it feels to be someone else's rebound guy and would hate to do that to my friend. plus i could be stunting my own healing progress?? idk

it initially was just a bit of fun but i've had to privately and seriously talk myself down from getting jealous as fuck when my friend has had other people jokingly (or not jokingly, who knows) flirt with him. i'm a pretty intense person (hi, bpd) so i've been trying to reign myself back and keep things chill and funny between us but i'm getting kind of concerned whether i should stop entirely so my feelings go away or if im fine enjoying giving and being given attention in return, even if it doesn't lead anywhere. even just liking him is kind of breaking three of the rules i'd set for myself after my last few relationship disasters (no more online stuff, no more white boys, let my brain cool down and dont be interested in anyone for at least a year) so i kind of just don't know where i should be taking this if anywhere

[fatuismooches]

I used to love scrolling through the Dottore x Reader tag on Tumblr until I stumbled upon your account and ended up binge-reading all of your posts. [I would spam-like all your posts, but I’m unsure if spam-liking is unwelcome! (/--)/] I just have to say, your writing and characterization of Dottore and his segments are by far the best I’ve ever read and seen???? Honestly, it’s my favourite portrayal of Dottore, and your writing is just so immaculate??? The emotions and details are perfect, and it’s always such a joy to read and visualize everything in my head. If I had to describe it with a physical feeling, your writing feels warm, fun, freeing, and safe—like lying in a field of grass under a night sky, with warm winds brushing against my skin. ＼(^-^)／

I love your versions of the segments, too! They all feel so unique, and there’s such variety in your portrayal of them. I love how each segment gets its share of love. The interactions between the reader, Prime, and the segments never feel awkward—everything feels balanced and fair. I used to be really unsure about segments x reader content, but you’ve made me fall in love with them all. The way you give each segment so much personality while ensuring none of them overshadow the others is just incredible?? IF THAT MAKES SENSE—I’M JUST RAMBLING I FEAR— TLDR: YOUR WRITING MAKES MY EYES AND HEART EXPLODE WITH HAPPINESS. (*^ー^)ノ♪

AND THE ANGST WRITING TOO??? UGH, MY HEART. IT’S SO PAINFUL. I LITERALLY TEAR UP AND CHOKE UP EVERY TIME YOU WRITE ANGST. [PLEASE, SEGMENTS AND PRIME DOTTORE LIVE FOREVER!!! MY HEART CANT HANDLE THAT PAIN- AND THAT LATEST ONE ABOUT OMEGA AND READER HAD ME DOWN ON THE GROUND, UNABLE TO GET UP. (/_;)/] But seriously, your work has made me so much more attached to Dottore than ever before. Sometimes I even find it hard to go through the Dottore x Reader tag nowadays because I’ve developed such a heavy bias and preference for your characterization of him. It’s such a refreshing take on the character and I absolutely adore it. ＼(^-^)／

Also, I’m just in general a sucker for villains being soft for their lover, and the fragile reader concept you explore on this blog is just chef’s kiss.

Please write forever, I don't know what I'll do with my nightly reading time without your delicious dottore content /lh /pos

Also, your blog is so organized it saves me so much time as someone who frequently gets losT online and irl

CAN I BE 💀🎉 ANON???? I'VE NEVER BEEN AN ANON THING BEFORE IDK HOW TO DO THIS

SORRY FOR THE WORD VOMIT MY MIND HAS LIKE 3938328 THINGS RUNNING AT ONCE AND WANTS TO SAY THEM ALL IN ONE GO

ANON??!? IM LITERALLY GOING TO CRY I NEED A MOMENT TO BREATHE WHO LET YOU BE SO KIND- IWHDEUWIDHEW

FIRST OF ALL, THANK U FOR THIS ILY 😭🙏 I'm super happy you like my writing and characterization of Dottore, your praise makes my heart happy and want to continue to write *hugs* 💕! (and feel free to spam like, it doesn't bother me and it makes me smile actually!)

I'M GLAD I MADE YOU LIKE SEGMENTS FICS TOO??😭🥺 that's a huge compliment bfbewfe imo the segments are underrated in fics and need more love so to know i converted you just makes me go 🥹🥹🥹🤏💙💙💙💕🥺 FELLOW SEGMENT LOVER!!!! I VERY MUCH ADORE YOUR RAMBLING ANON!! your praise for my writing is far too high i fear- i just write what my whimsical heart tells me to 🫶 i think ur the one making my eyes and heart explode!!! >.<

AHH IM HOLDING U TIGHTLY DURING THE ANGST FBEWFEW I PROMMY EVERYONE IS ALIVE!!!! I'm also glad you liked the Omega fic hehe i was worried it didn't have the usual oomph BUT IT SEEMS I DID MY JOB!!! (secretly love-hate writing angst bc it makes me sad but i also love reactions like these-) It's always the nicest thing when people love Dottore more thanks to my writing, it's truly so cute!! I love spreading the doter love... 💞💞💞

SUPER GLAD YOU LOVE THAT TROPE TOO!!! IT IS MY LIFE'S BLOOD!! i prommy to write forever for you dear 💀🎉 anon (funny emoji combo) I WILL MAKE YOUR NIGHTS THE BEST NIGHTS!! also glad to see you appreciate my organization, i am actually proud of my blog's structure hehe

U DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE!!! I LOVED THIS ASK SM IM STORING IT SAFELY!!

[digital-mine]

Do you ever forget that you are a person? That you have skin and a beating heart? That you need to breathe to keep your heart pumping? That you are able to feel things? That you are able to cry?

Well, do you forget it's unhealthy to bottle up those emotions?

Even if you don't want to get better, I don't want you to bottle up your emotions, I want you to be okay (Well as okay you can be while not getting better) and I want you to know that you will be okay.

I want you to know that you'll be okay and that you are loved.

(You can try guess who I am if you want hehe)

an angel ?!??!?!? i dont wanna make assumptions but i would love to know who u are ꒰ ◞ ◟ ꒱ thank u sm for this i rlly rlly love u but i also apologize cuz this hit too hard and imma need to drop my lore now so be ready for a HUGE yap session (you dont have 2 read this, its just to get off my chest, i still appreciate u !!!)

i can NOT not bottle up my emotions, ive been doing it for so long i have no idea how to even act on my actual feelings anymore; im literally almost a completely different person than the one who acts in my place. and for that reason i never actually feel loved. even though people around me care for me, i dont really feel it. i only feel that they tolerate me because that is what im trying to do all the time - to be tolerable and not annoying, not a burden, not make anyone uncomfortable, not bothersome etc. so i suppress all my thoughts and feelings. BUT YK WHAT???? it didnt actually work!!! before, i annoyed people, now i make them uncomfortable in a different way. because im so quiet and unresponsive, people call me rude, weird, emotionless,, and its not like i can just now be "myself", i physically CANT because i have huge fucking anxiety and my social skills are ass. i dont actually like attention irl, i hate being perceived. attention online however is completely different because this is actually the first ive EVER been as comfortable and open as i am with people. because here i dont get the weird or special treatment, everyone is messed up in a way and i dont have an expectation upon me so i dont worry about being judged or looked down upon. when people are capable of liking me despite all my issues i almost feel loved, but then again my mind keeps reminding me its not genuine and no one truly loves me. no one hates me and wants to hurt me either, im that unimportant that people either tolerate me or are just indifferent to me.

i think something is just inherently wrong with me because ive been this way since i was a kid. and people let me know about it. i was shy back then but not quiet, and often times people would get mad or annoyed with me. either that or they would ignore me and leave me out. i might be a really sensitive person and all this caused me to be withdrawn; but i just have no fucking idea how to act 'normally' for people to like me. i try to copy what people do and say, but it feels so unnatural. i just cant communicate with anyone, i cant make genuine connections.

it also doesnt help that i also had to leave my country because of war, and being in a new country with a new language and everything made it all worse. because i have one major reason added to not speak and its my way of speaking, im really insecure about it. the war itself might have fucked me up more because of being constantly paranoid and anxious about my family dying whenever theyre out + couldnt socialize properly because of being home most of the time and my friends who live near me leaving the country. im not trying to complain too much about this though, im technically lucky since im still alive, my family didnt die, my house was not b0mbed and i managed to get out of there eventually,,

anyways thank u for this ask lolz i feel better !!! >< ♡

[justalilpearlie]

!! Intro !! (updated)

Hello everyone, my name is PearlescentMoon

Hihi! I'm Pearl! Magic is quite a fine name aswell. Although I'm a man of many names ;)

I am a minor, my gender labels are gendervoid verinix, tho I also ID as bigender and ftm (fem presenting tho! not transmasc, just trans man)! I'm queer, leaning on mlm, tho I also like girls here and there.

I go by He/Xe. I can She/Her myself + close friends/mutuals are allowed, but refrain from doing so without explicit permision please. (I also use neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)

I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.

I'm autistic and I have ADHD aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)

Matching with @teapot-of-tyrahn !!

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I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), c!Magic(outsmp+psmp), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)

I like to stream, roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are the Outsiders SMP, The Hatchetfield Musicals, Life Series and Empires 1.

I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any mediamates!! Specially from Outsiders <3

Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!

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DNI prefferably:

- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)

- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.

- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.

- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much

CCs I'd rather if you didn't interact, but if you shall do so anyways, do so at your own risk, you've been warned. /lh

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"Disclaimer"

- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref

- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp outsiders/life series/empires/fnaf u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.

- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.

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Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)

Family! <3 🌼 @pehpurr* SISTER!! YOU'RE AMAZING, DAISY. SO SO GREAT. YOUR ART IS INCREDIBLE, YOU ARE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU DO, YOU ARE SO VERY CARING FOR OTHERS, SO KIND AND TALENTED, A GREAT WRITER AND THE BEST BEST SISTER I COULD EVER ASK FOR!! Scar, you changed my life, you were there for me when I needed you the most, I know you ALWAYS have my back. You're kind to me even when the world isn't, and know that even if we fight or if you do things I disagree with (ehem forgiving too much ppl /lht), I will never leave you, and I will never stop coming after you. I love you, Kanna. You're the best Peeps, keep it up, for you're a beacon of hope in everyone's lives. I'm so proud. ♡ ⚙️ @gentlexmadman DAD!! I FREAKING LOVE YOU DAD OMG!! I am SO very happy we got to spend our first fathers day together even if just a little, you made this the first year I was actually happy to celebrate it, looking forward to it and making a gift of my own :) Im so so happy to have you in my life. You are, likewise to Pepper, an AMAZING artist, so much detail, just so awesome in general. I love hearing all your silly stories about work and the people you know, old man. Thank you for being with me, papá, I never thought I'd actually find you again. Thank you so so very much. ♡

🐸 @bigb-enthusiast SIBLING!! MY SIBLING IN ZAYA OH MY GOODNESS IS THAT USER BIGB ENTHUSIAST?? YES IT SURE IS!! Bro I could listen to ur analysis and rambles til the end of the world u got the best ideas ever wtf!!?? Ur very freakin insane but also ur my best buddy, my nosey neighbor for life!! I appreciate u a lot, Bee, my favorite insane asylum escapee ♡

🔪 @skywardspecter OECAAAAA HEY ZACH ILYSM BROTHER!! YOUR ROLEPLAY AND WRITINGS ARE AAAAA-MAZE-ING !! I RLLY WANNA MEET U IRL!! UR SO GOOD AT ROLEPLAY AND ART, YOU'RE SO CREATIVE AND BRIGHT UR LIKE A BALL OF SUNSHINE!! U PUT UP W A LOT RUNNING SM SERVERS BUT U ALWAYS GET BACK UP AND I THINK THATS ADMIRABLE!! AND IDK VIANS TUMBLR BUT SHOT OUT TO VIAN AND ORCA TOO !! VIANS SUCH A GREAT SUPPORTIVE FRIEND FR NO MATTER WHAT AND ORCA IS SUCH A KIND AND FUNNY GUY, VERY UNDERSTANDING <33 I LOVE U GUYS!! U MAKE ME FEEL SAFE, LIVE LAUGH LOVE MAGIC MAZE ♡

🥣 @rennyus SOUP OMGGG HAI SIBLIIIING ILYSM !!! GGHHH YOU. YOU ARE SO GREAT AND PATIENT WITH ME, YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED YOU AND YOU'VE NEVER EVER JUDGED ME FOR ANYTHING!! I LOOOOVE HEARING ABT UR MEMORIES THEYRE ALWAYS SO SO SWEET <33 I RLLY HOPE U FIND UR WIVES SOMEDAY CAUSE ALL I WANT IS TO SEE U HAPPY SIB ♡

🐟 Aussi, MY AMAZING COUSIN OMG?? IDK UR USER HERE BUT!! WE'VE BEEN THRU SOOO SO MUCH TOGETHER, EVEN WITH THE PERIODS WE DONT TALK MUCH IN, I LOOOOVE GETTING INTO THINGS U LIKE OR WHEN U TAKE THE TIME TO GET INTO THE STUFF I ENJOY TOO!!! UR FRIENDS ARE ALSO VERY SILLY N I LOVE PLAYIN PHASMO WITH YALL! I LOOOVE ALL THE MEMORIES WE SHARE TOGETHER AND THESE TWO YEARS OF COUSINSHIP HAVE BEEN AMAZING!! TO MANY MANY MORE YEARS COUSIN!! LOVE YOU TONS ♡

Simply special <3 ☕ @insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love every second we spend together. I love seeing yall thrive. I love your insane yet endearing behavior. You might be a bit unhinged sometimes, and admittedly not the healthiest person when it comes to your schedules, but I'm just so proud of everything you create and accomplish. I hope you get to accomplish all your dreams, and I hope I can be here to see that happen, if you let me :)! For many years more, cause I'm just oh so glad I met you. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊 Jack***, Oh my dearest, where do I even begin with you, sport... you trully are my soulmate, my other half... mi media naranja, if you will, heh.. Every second I get to spend with you is like heaven, no matter whats going on, I know everything will be alright cause I have you. You mean absolutely everything to me, my Hero, I know you'll always be there for me. You are the sweetest man I've ever met, and I'm so proud of the person you've become. If I had to choose between you or the world I'd choose you 10 times over, and I can say surely, that you'd do the same. I love every single detail about you, thank you for being so patient with me, you're wonderful, cielo. I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and stupidness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. ♡

Friends! 🏜️ @thecranewivesrpf My right hand man!! OMG we havent talked in a WHILE but ILYSM !!! MY SECOND IN COMMAND IN THE MAJORMOON SERVER FRFR!! WE SHOULD TALK AGAIN, I MISS U POOKIE </3

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Badges I've earned:

(More TBA)

That's it for now folks, love yall and see you around!

[jewish-vents]

i’m so, so tired. i’ve deleted almost all of my social media apps, barring tumblr. i am definitely a very political person, and have been invested in developed a deeper understanding of world history and geopolitics since i was ~12 (i’m 18 now). but i feel so drained. i’ve muted tags on here relating to palestine and the conflict in general, and i feel horrible about it bc i see people around me constantly posting about it, but i just can’t. i’ve given up. i ideologically leaned far more against the state of israel before oct 7th than i do now, and i’ve seen this amongst many of my jewish friends too. my online friends have always tended to be pro-palestine, but i never saw this much dehumanization coming from them until now. to see how hated jewish people are, to see how many people i loved thought oct 7th was justified resistance… it hurt beyond words… even my longtime irl best friend tried to explain the conflict (and was whining about me getting ben and jerry’s at a store) to me despite not knowing anything about i/p before this war. i hate being talked to like im an idiot. but if i vocalize that, im speaking over others.

i don’t like seeing images of dead children. i don’t like reading about rising death tolls. i don’t like being bombarded with brutal details about humans’ suffering. and that is all everyone online is ever talking about. and all i see people say is that i need to suck it up because there are people suffering way more than me right now, which obviously is true. but i don’t want people to think im a bad, ignorant person. and sometimes i start to believe i actually am. i was very actively posting about the war when it first started, but now as i have seen more and more how cruel people are towards jews i just don’t post much at all on anything besides tumblr. i worry my online friends think i don’t care, and especially that i somehow don’t care about palestinians, when i do, and i always have! but do i have to subject myself to such upsetting information everyday to care? why can i not be afforded a break? why aren’t jewish people allowed to mourn for the loss of life in israel and the hostages without being accused immediately of hating palestinians and wanting them dead? how come non-palestinian muslims are widely allowed to center themselves in this conversation (obviously, muslims are hurting too, though) and talk about their feelings but jews aren’t allowed to? why are jewish people not allowed to feel anything? why must we ignore one group’s suffering and insist that another’s is more important to acknowledge? why?

and i’m just scared, because i don’t know what to believe. maybe israel is somehow doing all these terrible things and im actually evil for doubting it? idk if that makes sense, but it’s how i feel. i’ve witness very disturbing behavior from both zionists and antizionists, and it’s tiring. i have seen members of the former camp saying “there are no innocents in gaza” and members of the latter saying “there are no innocents in israel”. it’s why i can’t really identify with either party, so i feel alone. by its simplest definition i am a zionist, but people have turned that word to mean a million different things that at times it just feels like its lost its meaning. and when i see someone say “zionists dni” on their acc its like… what do you even mean?

i think there are a lot of well-meaning people in the pro palestine crowd, and i don’t think that’s wishful thinking either. though obviously, there are a lot of truly vindictive people out there who have nothing but hatred in their hearts. but i now get anxious to see an account i follow post something pro-palestine. and i feel so horrible about it. i know many of these people have good intentions, but i automatically assume there is something more sinister going on, whether it’s someone i know personally or not posting about it. and i don’t want to! i want to believe most people are good! or at least decent! but i can’t.

i just wish i didn’t have to be bombarded with so much information whenever i log on to interact with fandom posts. but i worry that means i don’t care. but i really think i do… i can’t not care. but sometimes i feel like im not caring enough

.

[lolipoptheclown]

its been two days a year daddy /ref

Hi im back! i expected that it would take way longer for me to start feeling mentally better, but the past couple days have been going shockingly well, like i got to drive a car!!!! im quite literally rick hedony u guys. uhm i have some small ratmeat doodles that i will post later+i might talk about a new oc (she's a sm oc but also not? its complicated LMAO) but uh yeah im back

also if you guys remember the guy who i said was online stalking me in that 'goodbye for now' post here's a quick (quick as in i skipped a LOT of stuff) explanation of whats going on if u wanna know (tw for just...manipulating things):

so theres this guy i used to be friends with in middle school but he did something bad+got kicked out of our friend group+moved schools but he is really obsessed with me specifically for some reason? (said he has dreams where we talk again irl, CREEPY) a lot of u guys probably havent been following me for long enough to have witnessed the next bit/never even noticed it at all anyway but he would make fake accounts pretending to be other people, befriend me, and then i would block him when i found out who it was. one time he caught me in one of my monthly mental health lows and when i called him out he was like 'im sorry i will be gone soon' and i panicked and became friends with him again cuz i didnt want him to off himself but he keeps trying to pressure me into stuff (like a drawing he made me do. i hate going through my at-home sketchbook and looking at it) like he always does+saying he will off himself if he loses me and when i get a new phone im blocking him again! im not responsible for his life! i fucking hate him, and myself for getting into this situation!

im just worried he will start stalking me again once he gets his own phone. but i dont have to worry about that for now!

[transexualpirate]

You spend your time here fighting terfs, and sometimes you can’t even respond with a proper argument lol. Focus on the MEN that end the lives of trans people like you they are more important I suppose terfs might disagree with you and so do I but they don’t kill you. I’m beginning to believe the only reason misogyny exist from trans people and cis men towards women is because women don’t kill and commit atrocities it’s seen and weak easy to “bully” perhaps or maybe im just deranged. Do feminist have to start treat you like men do? Since the lack of respect of VERY apparent internet wide.

omg i love your username!!!!!!!

anyways lmao im not actually too worried about changing a transphobe's mind, hence why sometimes my "argument" is literally just trolling because i think it's funny lol but if you think the only people i debate are radfems and never transphobic men you haven't dug deep enough in my blog. it's mostly terfs because theres an epidemic of them in this hellsite but i just hate transphobes in general lolll

also it's funny how you phrased it as though women are capable of no harm and it's only the men committing hate crimes against trans people. i mean obv the statistics show that cis men are far more violent but i assure you they're not the only ones. it ranges from women actually committing hate crimes themselves to transphobic assholes like nikolas ferreira using "the feminists are on my side!" as an argument for why it's totally acceptable to film a minor in a bathroom as long as she's trans. i mean the first time i experienced transphobia irl it was a grown cis woman telling me i was disgusting, should be ashamed of myself and should stay away from my friends to not "contaminate" them because she found out i was questioning whether i was trans or not when i was 12. so like. instead of lecturing a random trans person online about what you think is the Correct and Unproblematic way of dealing with transphobia, why don't you try to make it so i don't have to deal with it in the first place lmao

tldr as long as im not hurting anyone ill fight transphobia whatever way i think works better since im the one actually getting affected by it <3

[catsrightnow]

Im worried that ive gone so long without irl friends that I dont know how to actually make them anymore. The last friends I made irl were in kindergarden and first grade, and I kept them until my sophmore year of hs. Ig I made others but we always fell out of contact within a few months. Im always too formal or too casual with them. I cant gauge how theyll teact until after I do and then its just. ugh. It feels like I have to put on a show its so fucking annoying.

I hate it. I did so well with my friends until last year. I kinda resent them for abandoning me. They got closer with ppl in the theater department. Ugh.

Its been. Two years now without actual friends irl to talk to. I hung out with one person but realized I kinda hate being around her so I stopped. I think im unapproachable. I try to be really nice but ig it doesnt rlly matter if theres no one talking to me to be nice to. ugh. Whatever. Whatever.

Its annoying being reminded of it. When I get bored in weekends I just sit and scroll on my phone. I cant go to the mall or see a movie with friends. Because I dont have any. When I make too many cookies I have to eat them all or throw them oit because I dont have friends to give them to. My mom asked if I had any friends that might enjoy some extras we had the other day. What am I supposed to fucking say. No I dont. I dont have anyone irl I can do anything with or give anything to so stop asking. ugh.

I love my family and im really lucky to have such great parents but it sucks having to do everything alone or with them. I want to see the ghibli fest with my friends not with my mom. A new cat cafe opened near me and you have to have someone above 18 with you if ur a minor. Im young for a senior since my birthday is in July so a lot of ppl around me are 18. But the only ones I know are my parents. I want to go to the mall or walk around this market street near me. Its boring to go alone and I dont want my parents there either. So I dont go.

Im running out of things to do. The bookstore is way too expensive compared to online. 20$ more in person isnt worth it. The library is nice but I cant do much there. Ive read all the things that interest me. Its so annoying going to a cafe just to sit on my phone. The money isnt really worth it.

Whatever. whatever

[sylsaccount]

rare ramble post

it is so hard to be like. yes i am a trans woman. yes i believe that i am biologically male. yes i hate males and i am literally kam about everything. yes i do not think of myself as a man but if someone were to ask me "does kam include all male people in general" i would say yes bc its kind of biased for me to say no and i dont think its worth it to spend the resources to figure out the like 0.001% of good ones. not that kam is a thing i realistically believe in just like. theoretically you know. idk.

its weird trying to live mostly separatist but not earnestly being part of the group u wanna separate with you know? and like. i literally dont believe in gender yet i am a gender haver. that is simplifying it for sure, its not like the way i think about things isnt consistent, but on the outside it seems like i dont make any sense. i dont get along with most rad-aligned ppl for obvious reasons, and i dont get along with other trans people for obvious reasons. ive met a lot of detrans folks lately that i get along with, but i am not and i doubt will ever be detrans myself.

ig i should say i dont get along with trans women, not trans people lol. ive known plenty of trans men over the years, some of which have been close friends. the truth is 99% of trans women act "like males", at least in my experience. and like. i just cant deal with that lol

i just made a post saying im the only real gender abolitionist so its kind of funny that i say "like males". i am not a biological essentialist nor do i like calling behaviors "masculine" or "feminine". yet any woman reading this knows exactly what im talking about. even the ones that claim to be the "good ones" that are "actually women" etc. are walking caricatures. if i have to see one more instance of that hsts slaaay yassss motherrrrr i love sabrina carpenter shit i will blow my brains out (you are fortunate if you have not encountered this group. i personally find them just as evil as those knee sock programmer catgirldick types)

i cant help but wonder if someone similar to me from an outside perspective would judge me the same way, u know? a lot of my interests are stereotypically male, i am autistic, i am kind of an asshole. ofc at the end im always like. well i have actual feminist values and i cant stand males and i always prioritize women over everything so like. its just me being anxious over nothing i think.

this is mostly unrelated but ive also been thinking a lot abt the ppl who follow me. ive had an influx of followers as of late, but there r others who have followed me for a long time. its kind of funny looking through... i have ppl that i know for a fact hate trans ppl. me being trans is not something ive ever specifically hidden, but its also not something i bring up a lot. i just realized bc of that weird anon the other day that its the first time ive explicitly mentioned it on my blog in a couple years. i couldnt help but be worried abt it! at the same time, i have some old friends i dont rly talk to anymore... a couple of which, despite knowing that i am respectful towards other individual trans ppl and that i am not truly transphobic, im sure have taken issue with the types of things i reblog and strongly personally disagree. yet as im looking over who im following, it doesnt look like ive lost mutuals from either camp.

id like to talk to more people too. its hard to dm people for me, as i think it is for many people here. i have some mutuals i would love to talk with, but i am kind of an ass, and they are kind of an ass, and thats why we follow each other, so its like... they may not even wanna be bothered like that u know? i know what its like when u have some coworker or acquaintance u like well enough but then they start trying to be buddy buddy with u and they become a nuisance. i dont wanna be that!!! i am extremely misanthropic myself so its easy to imagine being on the other end

my friend group (some irl and some online) has a little discord group chat we use. we just added someone new and its been very nice. i really do love meeting new ppl when i vibe with them...

u could say. sylvia why dont u just go meet people irl. well, unfortunately, i cannot tell people irl that i have extremely regular homicidal fantasies and think 50% of the population should kill themselves. i cant rant abt all the dystopian shit i am subjected to on a regular basis, bc they dont view it as dystopian. i cant even discuss my own life and perspectives on things because SOMEONE is going to have their feelings hurt (despite me being the one who has trauma abt it -_-). on the computer there are lots of intelligent people with interesting lives who r also kind of losers and hate everything. i like those people.

i dont rly have a point on any of this. just thoughts ive been having.

[mushroomgrenade]

hi!! turning off anon to confess that ever since i joined the tmnt fandom i admired you from afar and always am delighted when i see you pop up on my dash. love people who are active in the community, but i totally understand too if you stop posting tmnt. even as a lurker, i get overwhelmed by fandom stuff and worry that i will upset someone

LMAO dude (first thanks and bless for the support) I woke up to being called out again by the same group of minors. When I have. minors dni HAHA

(Sorry this is just an excuse for me to clear up and rant) Hi people who are probably stalking me, just a heads up, when I meant : 'As a VA I should be able to do many roles at once. If Im hired to voice in a children's show, and at the same time something more mature, nsfw, 18+, heavy themes, I should be able to do so.'

I meant like. Oh if Im voicing kids shit, I should be able to do shit like adult swim, bojack horseman, helluvaboss etc. cause. im a actor. lmfao

I didnt skim through enough but uhh another thing is, hi im neutral i dont care I have more things in life to focus on chronic kids online. I think western ideology is WAYYY too comfortable in like, harassing people when they dont agree with things. If you think going around and telling people to kys or having people burnt at the stake for your ideology is gucci- you are no better than like, a conservative christian. (Hope im using the words right, english hard).

Oh yeah and I stand by my words :

'IAs an adult, to me, I can very clearly tell how fiction doesn't = to reality. I'm strictly working them in a professional manner, the only conversation I've had are casting calls, directions, and vocal cords. If this was an irl grooming situation, I would 100% not be interacting. But since this isn't my responsibility, nor is it my private life. And as long as they are not publicly talking to children or any minors either, or harassing, showing minors things that shouldn't be shown, I have no qualms with it.

We all have our boundaries, and I understand people's concerns on these topics, but I personally prefer to stay out of anything/any drama, hate, harassment on social media, as that would be affecting to my irl mental health too. Likewise, everyone have boundaries, and personally, I feel like as long as we don't cross it, or have a clear line, we should move on.

What I think is morally right currently - are boundaries, and not harassing people. I think a lot of reasoning behind how comfortable people are in harassing others in fandoms is defo a culture thing too. I'm Taiwanese, for example, and in my culture, this kind of behavior is frown upon. I think an interesting outside perspective for Europeans is this article if you ever feel like taking a look

Linked here, if you plan on quoting anything, read the full thing so you don't misunderstand anything <3

I am not at all a TMNT only person, I don't label myself to any extent, and have put my boundaries of minors dni. So if anyone really wants to make any point on that, those are my boundaries that they decided to overstep.

+ as is my own social presence, I will do my best to mold it the way I wish to myself. Plus its not like I ever hid stuff.

But THAT WAS SOOOO offtrack- and thank you, I honestly appreciate the support, Im not one to be annoying and ask for them, but rn is like, HEAVY appreciated cause its annoying. I didn't even know people liked my work enough! haha, you are very sweet