#i worked super hard on it of course
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Put your hands up 🙌 put your hands up 🙌
'Cause Danny 👻 DIED 😵 FOR OUR SINS 😱🙅♀️
🙏🙏😤🫡👌
(Please enjoy this year's 20th Anniversary Dannypocalypse Magnum Opus Rap Song. Special shoutout to @mace-from-outerspace and @bibliophilea for providing some backup vocals.)
#danny phantom#dannypocalypse#happy birthday danny i hope u approve#i worked super hard on it of course#especially those synth keys#you can really tell how much practice and dedication went into every note of the piece#definitely not a one take wonder no siree#Youtube#y'all my laptop was STRUGGLING by the end of this akjefsnksjn
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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The 6 chapter epilogue moves to 'end' the Tododrama this chapter leaving a divided fandom...
For me I think that given the story the Todorokis have had up to this point it both makes sense and is the best we could have hoped for. I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, but I defiantly don't view as negatively as a lot of people seem to.
First off Touya dying makes sense and this is perhaps harsh but I hope he does. People theorizing that the mysterious Tenko like figure is Shigaraki and he will heal him and the rest of the LoV with his restored Overhaul powers is insane to me. With only four chapters left idk how that would even be covered or concluded, since even if they were healed they would all still be put in prison--it wouldn't erase the fact Touya killed 30 innocent people by his own omission. So, how Hori would cover that kind of plot in a cohesive way in four chapters is beyond me. It's pretty much people wanting a worse story because they want their favorite character to live.
Also, I'm a bit frustrated that yet again people are acting like Enji should die instead and making wild accusations based on nothing. Namely that Touya dying supposedly soonish negates Enji saying he'll watch him and his death will let him off the hook so to speak.
Enji has shown that he really loves Touya and feels immense guilt and rightful responsibility for how he treated him and his the rest of the family. Touya dying doesn't suddenly heal his permanently crippled body or give him back his Hero job. It will only make him feel worse. Also it's not as if once Touya is gone he'll ignore the rest of his family either. He still owes them as well, and will probably try to help them in whatever way he possibly can.
People acting as if Touya's death will free him or that afterwards he'll go on with his life completely happy and forgetting about him is just not in any way accurate to what we've seen of his character.
The other thing I've seen floating around is the idea that if Enji had been killed off during the first PLF War, Shoto would have saved Touya and the family would have been happy in the end. I don't think that's true. I will admit I'm bias because I like Enji and I'm not a fan of Touya, but given how Hori seems to have delt with the LoV and villains in general (unless he pulls a 180 and heals them last min) I think Touya was always meant to end up dying slowly in a hospital or get some other bittersweet ending.
BNHA is not grimdark by any means but it is not the idealistic manga of the past like Naruto. Hori punishes characters that make bad choices no matter how understandable or even shitty the choices they had were. Aoyama, despite helping defeat Afo, being a child and under the threat of death to him and his family, still drops out of UA because he feels he still has to earn his place there. Bakugou dies and his heart and hand will never be the same, while also having to deal with the guilt of Izuku loosing his Quirk (if that sticks). Enji, even though trying to change and atone for most of the Manga's run is still left permanently crippled, the job that meant everything to him, lost, his legacy gone.
For Touya who killed so many people without care, only to get back and his father. Who plotted to kill his little brother despite knowing he was abused. Not caring if his plans got his other innocent family members killed. After everything we've seen with other characters who did far less wrong and tried hard to amend those mistakes getting harsh consequences, I doubt it was ever the plan to have Touya sitting at the table with his family eating his favorite food with a smile, regardless of Enji being alive or not. To suggest that Hori only had Shoto fail because Hori needed Enji to be involved just isn't true. If Hori wanted to give Touya a happy ending he would have--many fans have already come up with how that could have happened even with Enji still alive.
The only criticism I agree with is Rei's ending. You can defiantly read how she wheels Enji around and answers his phone as them being back together or in the very least her becoming his caretaker. Now, That might not be the case--she could just doing those things because they were both going to see Touya and she's just helping him out that day, while they actually live separately, with Enji having a paid home assistant that couldn't or wouldn't go with him to see Touya (because of the stigma or visiting regulations). The issue is that we just don't know for sure and Rei has been shafted pretty badly.
That said, I wasn't expecting much from/for her anyway. I think getting a little blurb about what she was doing like Natsuo and Fuyumi did would have helped, but I sort of doubt Hori had any idea what to do with her character outside being Enji's abused wife and Shoto's mom. With him rushing to get these last chapters out I'm not shocked he just stuck her in the background, especially when Enji and Shoto as secondary characters needed the screen time.
#bnha 426#bnha spoilers#ask#thanks for the ask :)#todoroki enji#endeavor#idk i just think people expected a Steven Universe/Naruto/ She-Ra kind of ending#where everyone is happy in the end#(minus Enji of course because he deserves to suffer for all eternity apparently)#but I've noticed alot of modern Manga are way more cynical then those in the past#BNHA is no JJK#but it's not super unrealistic idealist story either#it's not a downer but it doesn't sugar coat things#one of the major themes is that people can change#but that it's really hard#and it doesn't necessarily mean everything works out perfectly afterwards#Bakugou is constantly punished for making bad choices#so is Enji#Even shoto gets some when he fucks up--like the during the Hero exam#for the lov particularly Touya who never made a different choice even when he was given multiple opportunities to#I don't think the story would have made sense if he just got a happy ending anyway#after so many other characters were punished and forced to learn/change#Yes he was abused but so was the rest of the family#and they didn't decide to kill strangers or each other just to spite Enji#that was Touya's choice and even after his entire family nearly died to save him he shows no real remorse#heck in the end he only apologized to Shoto#like at least Natsuo deserved one too after he nearly killed him twice
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Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)
Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)
Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?
#new age au#really enjoying the idea of Reaper + Geno having an heir at some point (and them sending that heir over to Night's kingdom for#exposure to other places as well as to hang with his third cool knight dad who's hard at work 🙏)#Kane has little to no development besides being a perfect angel (foil to Reset's eventual turn to poor choices) so I'd love to do#to him what I do to every oc of mine. (Namely: Throw them into the Kingdom and see what they do.)#oh! and I could see Blue and Dream (beloved boys) listening to the warnings of possible complications if they try to have a lil babybones#and Dream deciding he'd take the risk and carry the growing soul#(<- though tbf this is MANY years into the future and they'd be well established knights of the realm)#i'm not evil so they *would* manage to avoid the twins curse and have a singular beautiful babybones#they'd get raised partially on the move but stay behind with Night and Error if the two had a more dangerous mission#and grow up to be an obnoxiously powerful warrior following after their dads#(but they'd probably be hesitant to follow into the footsteps of being a knight and might go on a quest with friends before choosing a#final path for themselves)#<- Most spoiled rotten kid ever. courtesy of Nightmare and Error and all their extended family <3#oh last note. Ancha has me cracking up w/ ideas for Cross potentially meeting someone and I was beamed w/ an old ship request post I saw and#I think it'd be funny to include Lust in here somehow... (probably call him smth else as a nickname but y'know-)#like. He works in the city around the castle as some sort of... idk tailor? and he's been making things for Nightmare for years without#knowing because Ccino always was discreet about the orders and providing measurements + always tipped well so it was none of his business#but one day it's like. before a big announcement ceremony or smth and Ccino drags Cross in by the scruff because no one can get him to get#clothes that actually fit aside from armor (hc he steals the others clothes a lot and wears 1 shirt until it's threadbare)#so Ccino makes him go to Lust and Lust is able to get him fitted for sone new outfits because. well. Lust doesn't do much but he's very very#handsome and Cross is super easily flustered and shy around new people and he's awkward and aughhh.#and then he thinks about the interaction for the next month before deciding he's going to ask Ccino to go back there again.#and Lust likes dressing Cross up in new outfits (everyone thinks it's great Cross is loosening up and meeting new friends cuz Lust introduce#s him to people in town) and it takes forever for Cross to get over his worries and ask Lust out to a ride on his horse (romantic. of course#) and Lust agrees because he's charmed.#and the best part would be Cross *actually* manages to keep it a secret. like. no one finds out until one morning Killer bursts into Cross'#room to wake him for surprise training and it's Cross. the weird Dog. and- holy shit did Cross have someone over???#Cross pulls the cool ones frfr 🙏#it's just a casual thing between them with little plot relevance or drama I think. just a chill lil relationship 🙏
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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Back at it again with a post from my best friend! This one is another edit she's made!
Once again, I have been asked to post this to my tumblr for Fandom, and all content was edited by her.
Here's her Instagram!
Fandom has also asked me to relay this message:
"Hello everyone tagged here! (Hi again Naff <3)
To show my love and appreciation for the DCA content creator community, I dedicate this edit to all of you. Whenever if you draw art, write fanfiction, or both, I would like to thank you. You guys make outstanding work and are insanely talented 🫡
I already introduced myself to two of you, but to most - hello! My name is Fandom and my Instagram is @ http.redshoes. If you have an Instagram, hmu!! I would love to follow you if I haven’t already. I hope that everyone enjoys the edit! 💕💕
Ac: dex.editz (TikTok)
Vc: JazeCinema & Kyle Allen Music (YouTube)
Sdt: @naffeclipse , @zhench , @lavenoon , @bamsara , @paper-lilypie , @crow-n-tell , @spaciebabie , @sorveteir , @skizabaa , @solitary-star , @zus-a-fungi , @venomous-qwille , @pure-plum , @xitsensunmoon , @kandidandi , @bri-does-art , @pillowspace
Blender credits (on thumbnail): EliteRobo04 (Reddit)
Let’s give a big round of applause to these creators!! 👏👏👏
(P.S. - I tried doing a new editing style in CapCut so apologies the quality is a bit iffy. I’m attempting to make it resemble After Effects since I usually make simpler edits. I wanna know if I did a good job at it or not 👀)
(P.P.S. - if the one and only, the myth, the legend themselves…Solar Lunacy, Demon!Bakugou w/ Human!Izuku “let’s make an accidental ‘friendship’ deal bc we’re oblivious also my mom’s almost killed me for this one DEKU but thank goodness you don’t seem to really remember me” AU, the one that carried the Invader Zim fandom and made that one ET Katy Perry comic with Dib and Zim, while they’re being delulu about not being rivals but FRIENDS they are FRIENDS your honor but they don’t want to admit it, Bam the Sara ™ sees this…I told River to bake me cupcakes if most of the users I tagged for a separate post on Insta would see it. They all did, but not Bam Sara the Sara Bam ™. It is a sad but a true story. I got my cupcakes and they were absolutely delicious, but!! I told my bestie, River, that if Sara the Bam Bam Bam ™ saw my post, she needed to bake me a cake and throw a celebration party. This whole baking thing was an inside joke at first, but now it’s getting real. If they see/comment on this from Tumblr, Insta, or on both platforms, I will *literally* return the favor to my best friend here and bake her something. Throw a little celebration party too while we’re at it 💥💥)
(Bam, if you do actually see this, apologies for remixing the crap out of your username; I only did it for the sillies. I’m a huge fan of your content and you’re so SO creative you have no idea. Your art skills are everything and I wanted you to be appreciated as well!)" -Fandom
#river says...#bestie posting#flashing images#just because the transitions are a little quick!!#also i personally recommend listening to the audio with headphones#also also#fandom didn't tell me she was gonna make me a cake??#girl she's so nice to me for no reason fjdjdjdk#but anyways#i really hope everyone tagged likes this edit she made!#she worked really hard on it for a while#and she's really such a sweetheart#she's super talented to boot!#even though she doesn't have a tumblr she really loves all the wonderful artists and writers here#of course i do too!!#it's such a lovely community :)#anyway sorry for the long tags!! please appreciate my best friend's edit <3#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#edit#video
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inspired by @colap1nto <3 and posting here to hold myself accountable: writevember! attempting to write something every day no matter how much and what it is
i am however inventing stipulations for myself so i cannot weasel my way out of it, which includes a valid definition of “write”:
actively put words into a document in the form of a proper fic!!! too many wip not enough hands!!
poems (actually laughed at me coming up with this but maybe i will go back to my roots)
research/meta/primers
tag stories are permissible IF i actually compile and edit them into a readable document that day
editing to post to ao3 (the optimism) is also valid. it takes me so long
i do have concrete arbitrary deadlines for one and a half fics that i would LOVE to finish and post in november (dewey^2 and [redacted :)]) so i’m hoping this helps!! also, this is secretly just a sticker chart where i get to put down emojis for each fic i worked on and check off boxes but a win is a win
day 1: 🪻🐈⬛
day 2: 😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜)
day 3: 🫃2️⃣
day 4: 🍎
day 5: 🫃2️⃣
day 6: 📑, 💌
#liv in the replies#guys are you proud of me. i put everything I would normally yap into the tags in the actual post. hashtag growth#i say continuing to yap into the tags. I don’t want to be pessimistic but I AM scared this is occurring during my monthly bout of#productivity and I will face the doldrums and absolute inability to write in 2-4 days lol#also everyone says this next systems course is GARBAGE and terrible and super hard which. okay 💗 yay 💗#I should’ve put “reply to ao3 comments’ as a valid form of writing because the comment box terrifies me but it’s FINE#if you have ever commented on my fic I love you with every unspeakable fiber of my being and there is one comment I feel so guilty about#but it’s because every time I think about it I need to go jump around in circles I can’t fangirl too hard I also cannot find the WORDS#like even typing this out i’m like. anxious butterfly but it’s because I have so much love in my heart#also i am codifying the emojis to fics for Me sorry because I think it’s fun and i’m being secretive for literally no reason.#everyone tell me to get off of here and work on an actual fic. after I have my nik-induced/enabled 2353 breakdown#we hit day five and yes I DID forcibly make myself not work on a completely different fic. i wannnntttt to finishhhhh 🫃^2 2️⃣ so badddd#& this is not a game of ‘work on a different wip every day’ even if i could feasibly do that🫡 good news is i rlly think 3 -> 1 1/2 is done?
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Cringe warning: very bad Esperanto.
Mi povas mergi min en Esperanto čar mi ne faris multe da progreso ekde 2019. Mi kredas mi komencis lerni en 2019, sed mi rezignis dum (por?) unua jaro. Mi rezignis la hispana, la franca, la japana kaj la irlandano čar… nu, estas evidente kial. Tro da lingvoj lerni (por lerni? Lerni sentas malgxuste.)
Sed, mi restis kun la Esperanto(n?) čar gxi estas facila. Mi volas lerni lingvon por la sakeo (that’s… is that seriously the word? Sakeo? I joked once that Esperanto is 80% English words with -o and the end and 15% other languages with o- at the end, but I digress) de lerni lingvon. Homoj diras ke tio estas malbono kialo, sed, kial? Estas amuza… ne estas krimo amuziĝi.
Honeste, mi estis (estis for ‘have been?’ doesn’t feel right…) uzi Google Translate por helpi min, sed ne por lambastono. nur por kontroli se mia gramatiko estas bona. Ne estas, evidente, sed… mi estas nesekura pri gramatiko. Mi scias ke gxi ne estas bona, sed gxi estas probable pli bona ol mi sed mi ne uzis gxin.
Cxiuokaze… mi havas punkton kun ĉi tio; estas malfacila mergi en konlang! Jes, mi povus aligxi servilo de Discord, sed… la embaraso. Mi estus kiel, “Bonvolu… mi estas…” kaj havas furzo de cerba! Cerba furzo? (Googling how to stutter in Esperanto. Great.) (also I’m realising I said bonvolu instead of… oh my god? Am I seriously forgetting hello? Oh, Saluton!)
Cxu mi probable lernu la lingvon de miaj lando, la irlandano? Probable, sed honeste? Neniu parolas la irlandano en la nordo. Ili apenaŭ en la sudo. (Ne estas sude, mi ne zorgas se Google translate diras alie… ne sentas gxusta.)
Cxu mi havas punkto kun cxi tio? Ne. Sed, hej, diras al mi kiel CLAPPED mia Esperanto estas. Kaj, jes, mi eĉ ne provis traduki clapped cxar gxi estas pli amuza al ne.
Mi estas tiel malbona pri Esperanto. Mi devas fidi al tradukistoj por helpo. Mi uzas Google Translate por helpi kun tempoj kaj gramatikoj, sed la vortoj estas plejparte el mia cerbo, se tio havas sencon.
Mi ne havas kialon pri ĉi tio. Mi supozas, ke ĉi tio estas testo de miaj kapabloj. La rezultoj? Tre malbona, sed, hej, mi afiŝos ĉi tio, ĉiuokaze.
Edit: after writing this post, I got an easy, actually video about languages recommended… lol
#lemons random rants#Esperanto#conlang#conlangblr#did I mention I want to learn Toki Pona too#anyway- point is with this post- it’s hard to immerse yourself in a conlang#because podcasts in Esperanto tend to be about Esperanto- for example#I dunno.#4-5 years and I still suck#yeah I know doing one duolingo lesson a day is probably why- but you’d think I’d be somewhat good after 4-5 years#I can read basic paragraphs in Esperanto but some words fly over my head.#I could probably read and understand ‘there was a fruit that was very yellow and juicy’ but could I write that sentence? er… unlikely#I also get tio/tiu and all that jazz mixed up#same with mia/miaj/miajn and all that.#I guess it’s kinda intuitive. sometimes I look at something and think ‘this doesn’t feel right.’#I have the same problem with art where I got really discouraged because people assume I’m a beginner#I’ve done art on and off since 2018. even before that I drew a lot in 2017 and 2016.#I’m just not that good.#same with languages.#sometimes I wanna learn music too.#but I make something super generic and repetitive. and give up. because I don’t know how to structure a song.#my instinct is to just add more and more but never change the er- core… melody?#this post took 20 minutes I could’ve been working on my writing or something.#it’s not laziness. I work really hard at my writing. I just struggle to invest time in anything else because… I’m not a natural at it. also#it strangely feels like slacking off when I do anything other than write#edit or proofreading#also I’ve technically cleared the entire Esperanto course on duolingo like five times#I like skipping to all the ‘big tests’ sometimes where they don’t give hints and they’re very long#as for my Toki Pona? Even worse! I know a lot of the words but not how to structure it. suli. laso. mi. jan. a. awesi(?). kulupu. Soweli#Soweli my beloved creature. insa? look point is I know some words but not how to structure things
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Never thought I'd be writing Xrayshipping & Rustynailshipping content when I first got into the Saw series but. Here we are. I'll share some when it's more finished but yeah <3
@j1gsawz
#to be clear it is mlp au stuff at the same time. and i'll be posting Scott's pony cosplay real soon#for now i'm gathering my own headcanons for basically every ship. not my fault the words go further than that sometimes lol#it's not stopping there either! i'm giving myself a break from drawing for now cause it's been 4 days work & i started like 5 pony au piece#can't wait to share the progress on 'em. i haven't worked so hard on crossover material in a long time tbh#rustynailshipping#xrayshipping#saw au#mlp au#the drawings are(so far) more abt the 'popular' ships but i'll get to everyone eventually! i'm super excited!!#also once again i am disappointed that i've only thought of One(1) coherent cutiemark design for any of the characters lmao#that's like the hardest part but i'll update w/ideas later of course#there's already so many tags lol sorry. this is just an update on where i'm at creatively cause i've been a lil quiet
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the amount of time my supervisor and i spend in one-on-ones just straight up laughing together needs to be studied i think
#we were talking about the topic of mentors today in context of this phd guide we’re reading together#and the authors recommend formally asking potential mentors to be. mentors#which we both thought was kind of funny#and of course mentors are my Favorite Topic Ever apparently so i was discussing how lucky i am that i have several mentors#and i joked ‘if i may be so presumptuous as to count you among them’ and she was like ‘uh uh you have to ask me formally first’ and laughed#and i was like ‘shall i send you a letter’ and she came back with ‘yes you need to write me a letter and i’ll let you know of my decision’#we COMMITTED to that bit 😭#also i kind of talked about how ate dean and tita conductor are mentors from undergrad and even now and my supervisor was super positive#like in terms of research fit her group is like. maybe an 8.0/10. but personality wise? fuckin 11/10 man#i can make up the rest if i just work hard#iskul bukol book 2
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make it make sense that I enjoy doing my job (especially the tedious parts) when I am off the clock, but as soon as I am supposed to be working I'd rather be doing LITERALLY anything else????
#like im having so much fun prepping all my TEAMS posts for Monday and doing SLEUTHING to figure out who owns this one meeting rn#but come Monday im gonna whine and groan and try my best to avoid my job as much as is reasonable. like??#and this happens often. I love doing remedial tasks at 2am. plugging shit into the glossaries that I dont care about woooooo hell yeah.#doing a quick audit on Tuesday at 10pm? yes. easy. takes 30 mins at MOST.#but like. ask me to update glossaries or make posts on TEAMS or do adults between 7am and 4:30 pm??? ABSOLUTELY NOT I will drag my FEET#If I really wanna psychoanalyze myself... I think that what's happening is that my work isnt interesting to me and I find it too easy#and really boring. and if im bored and dont care. it HURTS its SO HARD its PAINFUL to drag my brain through the mud to do it#and so I thus hate my job. BUT. the exact work I do for my job is what I ENJOY doing in my real life. I love organizing and scheduling#and prepping and alll that shit. like I work as an admin assistant at my job but like. I LOVE BEING AN ADMINISTRATOR FOR MY REAL LIFE!!#so when im off the clock and im in *sort my life out and prep for the future* mode of COURSE work is fun!! thats how I get my dopamine!!!#but I dont wanna be doing that ALL THE TIME cause like. tbh its kinda a stress response. so like. I want to do work that fills other needs.#I wanna do work that makes me hyperfixate and get super curious and challenges me and makes me think analytically and learn a ton#but my job doesnt do that. and my brain thus sorts the work I get paid to do as work that I do on my own time#thus I am really productive when im off the clock and dont do SHIT during the times I put down on my timesheet that I am working#shit still gets done but like.... at what cost?.#googoogajoob
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how're u feeling?? w the twin leaving AND the imaginiary that's lots of stuff
in TOTAL disrepair
#/lh#its okay ill just call my twin and annoy the shit out of them until i get all my twin fuel back#imaginary is kicking my ass a little bit#but. im not going to destroy myself over this chapter so im going to take my time. even. if that means. itll be. ugh. a little late.#tbf tho my chapters are super uber duper long. so. no need to be hard on myself#my asks#imaginary#i finished some courses and am no longer working at second job#so now i just have to balance lab work and different courses#which. is not necessarily easier but itll be a change of pace#i should be able to find some good time to work on imaginary tomorrow
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I took today and tomorrow off simply because I've been putting too many hours into work and wanted some time to rest...
And I'm fucking bored to shit. It's really great that my work is my passion, but I absolutely need to find other hobbies outside of reading and working out. I am seriously questioning taking my PTO day back tomorrow and just heading into the office.
That or prepping my class content for next semester (adjunct). I mean, I worked on two more LinkedIn learning courses today just to keep my mind going.
A complete juxtaposition, really, from my younger days where I couldn't fathom being a quarter as productive on a regular basis. The pendulum has totally over corrected. My coping mechanism to deal with the ADHD and Anxiety became to just never stop being productive, and it is sending me to an early death.
#ramble ramble ramble#adhd#anxiety#no but fr tho I need to get this shit under control before I become a lifeless blob#like at least my job is interesting af so I'm not boring to talk to#but really who wants to talk about work all damn day? no one#so I gotta get a hobby#used to be writing#but that's fallen to the wayside and again I need something that isn't super productive#and i will just turn fictional writing into working on another paper so I can't do that#watching movies and tv were good but I have the adhd curse of multitasking (which is how I've been doing these LinkedIn courses)#so I don't even enjoy the movie at that point#working out is great but a girl can only go so hard before the fatigue kicks in#I could go outside more on hikes but again 1. fatigue#and 2. I'm currently trying to figure out my allergy issues w. my doctor so I am avoiding outside until I can stop dying immediately#tried knitting and crocheting. can't do it. embroidery also no bueno
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Top 8% in BIG Big Run!
Was hoping to beat my placement at Barnacle & Dime Big Run (Top 4%) but I’m still really happy! I managed to beat two Triumvirates and got close at least three other times. I hope the trio of kings gets to enter a regular salmon run rotation (or at least give us Big Runs even after support for Splat3 ends)
#splatoon 3#Big Run#BIG Big Run#Splatnet#salmon run#triumvirate#Good work everyone!#I had a lot of fun this Big Run even tho it was hard#Grizzco Roller is BUSTED and super duper fun#I like to believe I figured out how to use it pretty early at some point I realized vertical flicks are almost too risky to try#unless like a steelhead spawns first and you have ample time to hit it#I would have LOVED to get a Grizzco Splatling (as a splatling main) with like the range of Hydra and charge time/storage of Nautilus#maybe after support is done??? I girl can dream#I also had surprisingly a lot of fun with some of the chargers#I got a LOT of Squiffers and Goo Tubers and something seemed to click with the Squiffer#I’m too chicken to actually try one out tho LMAO#And of course 4k is the BEST charger and I hit one of those flick shots on accident in Big Run#It was cool! Makes me wanna try chargers honestly
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todays concepts to grapple with are “accept Done over Perfect” and also “change is an inevitable constant”, both are very good sentiments that will better my life when i accept them, but it also means not restarting my crochet project and to stop staring at my face so hard in the mirror, and ima be real both of those r suck
#i wanna redo a pannel on my purse. but thatd be a few hours of work undone and redone#but also id like if it were Perfect. but also i dont wanna redo all that. but also i wanna finish this so i can move on to other shit#idk i cant tell if its something ill forget abt eventually or if its an issue that ill look at every time i use the purse#im. hgggnnn.#the mirror thing is bc of the dermotilomania and also my face is changing bc lack of teeths#isnt a huge deal. but also sometimes i look at the mirror like. Who Are You#i mean. rapidly dropping 50 pounds and losing half your teeth and anxiety making your face the ultimate stim toy. its like. yeah of course.#of course i feel weird. it ties in with being sick. so much shit has changed my body and i havent processed it rlly#thats why im leaning so hard into making clothes and dying my hair. reclaiming what i can control etc etc#i try not to worry abt how i look. i try to just focus on gaining weight and keeping my illnesses managed#but sometimes i look in the mirror like. oh. this isnt who i was#but change is inevitable and i will learn to love this new me too :)#i made myself feel better just by talkimg this out yay#im gonna get super high and crochet YIPPEE!!
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thinking. you see I've made my intentions known of taking the house IF my father dies (not convinced of this happening). obviously there's certain costs involved like property tax and filling the oil tank and shit (could not afford this with my current job). theoretically I could go to uni still but I can't do that while working because I would literally kill myself. so. maybe when I move into dad's house and have less living costs. I could do a minijob instead. and go to uni part time. and maybe end up getting an actual good job that pays money someday. hmmmm
#i really want the house actually i love the house and the property#my therapist and father made a suggestion that i could study social work because that course is super easy in our town#and you'll literally always get a job with that degree#and i could work with other autistic people and help the ones with more severe autism. as i vibe really hard with them#idk it sounds like a cool idea. i love helping people and i would really prefer working with other neurodivergent people other Others#rayrambles
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